Let’s get this out of the way before they get to Impact tonight and screw it up even worse. I’ll be covering Takeover at first so I don’t get to see how bad things are really going to get, but I can’t wait to see how far down things really go. This is TNA’s biggest show of the year and it amazed me how they managed to screw it up all over again. Let’s get to it.
As usual, they opened with the Ultimate X match for the X-Division Title. This was another match with no story, no reason for the challengers to be in the match other than “we need a bunch of challengers” and no story to the match because it was all about high spots. Tigre Uno successfully defended the title against newcomer Andrew Everett, DJZ and Manik and only separated his shoulder in the process. This was every Ultimate X match you’ve seen before and there was almost nothing setting it apart from the rest of them. I want to like this division but, just like everything else, TNA gives me no reason to and therefore I don’t.
In your first pointless moment of the night, Gregory Helms came out to shake Tigre’s hand. He didn’t say anything about the title, he didn’t attack Tigre, and there’s no indication he’s going to be around anytime in the future. This really could have been saved for Impact….assuming there actually was an Impact taping for Helms to show up on in the future.
In your second pointless moment of the night, Ethan Carter III came out to talk about how awesome he is. This was just a basic promo that accomplished nothing other than killing off a few minutes.
Speaking of killing stuff off, the second match of the night killed off the crowd. It was a 12 man gauntlet match with the winner getting a shot at any title he wanted in the future. Of course this was changed with about two minutes left in the match to being able to challenge for ANY title, because only TNA would think all of its titles are worth anything.
Aside from throwing more people into this match, they decided to give Tyrus the win here. Yes Tyrus, the bodyguard who is most famous as a dancing dinosaur. Tyrus could be played by any given big man but for some reason this is what we’re getting. Not someone interesting. Not someone the fans are going to want to see. Not someone exceptional in the ring. No we’re getting Tyrus, the monster with a cool beard and almost no character whatsoever. The fact that this match was nearly half an hour long made things even worse. There was no way the fans were going to recover from this one and they never did.
It got even better though as Ethan came out and said Tyrus could be the X-Division Champion but Tyrus said he was coming for the World Title. So yes, we’re supposed to care about Tyrus as the next big thing in the main event scene. Let that sink in for a few minutes.
In the match of the night, the Wolves retained the Tag Team Titles over Trevor Lee and Brian Meyers. This was a match with an academic ending but they made sure to keep going with the story instead. I know there’s a logic behind having a rematch for the titles, but the more I think about it the more I wonder if they just did this because they didn’t have anyone else to put in this spot. How bad is it that they actually don’t have anyone else to put into a title match at the biggest show of the year? Who else was going to get this spot? The fact that I can’t answer that is far too telling.
Bobby Roode and Bobby Lashley had a totally decent but totally forgettable match for Roode’s King of the Mountain Title. First of all, they really need to change the name of that belt. The name made sense when there was a King of the Mountain match for the title but now it’s just long and sounds stupid. Lashley lost to Roode again in a feud that isn’t as epic as TNA would like you to believe. I like the idea of Roode as champion but can we get Lashley something? They’re wasting one of the best acts they have and as usual it’s a shame.
Gail Kim retained the Knockouts Title over Awesome Kong and I’m really not sure why. Kong hasn’t had the belt in years and Kim feels like she’s had the belt for years, but for some reason they kept it on Gail. Unless it’s Kong being injured or something, which she allegedly is, I see no reason to not give it to Kong here. Who else is left to fight Gail at this point that she hasn’t already beaten at least once?
Eric Young kept injuring Kurt Angle’s neck but Angle won again because he’s Kurt Angle and therefore he must be pushed at all costs. Angle is indeed a legend but at some point it would be nice to see him put someone over on his back, even if it is Eric Young.
And then there’s the main event. Here’s the thing: I get the idea they were going for but at the end of the day it’s a bad one. Matt Hardy is one of the worst options I can think of to actually put the title on. I read a line Sunday night that summed this up perfectly: “Just because someone deserves something (and Matt does deserve it, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.” That’s exactly what happened here and it wasn’t even a great match to get there.
The stuff with Jeff Hardy didn’t go anywhere and it really felt like they were just catering to the few hundred people in the live audience. It’s a really bad sign when that’s the best you can do for the biggest show of the year but it’s all they could manage. Matt won the title and is added to the list of the 40+ year old champions who made their name in WWE and are way past their prime in TNA. As usual, some things never change in TNA.
Much like what happened after the show when Matt vacated the title, possibly due to needing to use footage of Ethan as champion from other shows to make slap together Impacts. If that’s the case, let this company die already because it’s never going to get any better. Why they didn’t just have Ethan retain in that case is beyond me, but I’m sure it makes sense to TNA.
Overall, Bound For Glory was another example of everything wrong with this company. Nonsensical booking, so-so wrestling and a big stupid ending to the whole thing that appeals to the minority instead of the masses that they need to cater towards. Impact is going to be REALLY interesting this week, but we’re likely stuck with a bunch of pre-taped stuff that isn’t time sensitive and that no one is really interested in seeing. But hey, everything is ok because ANYTHING from TNA is worth watching right?
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Bound For Glory 2015 Date: October 4, 2015
Location: Cabarrus Arena and Events Center, Concord, North Carolina
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It’s TNA’s biggest show of the year and they’ve had all of two weeks to set it up. Well save for the main event which was changed with two minutes to go on the final episode of Impact. It’s hard to guess what to expect here but it could range from a fun show to another disaster for the company on what could be their last pay per view ever. Let’s get to it.
It’s a basic opening video with all of the matches getting a quick recap and a voiceover saying they’re all bound for glory.
X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Manik vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett
Tigre Uno is defending and this is Ultimate X, meaning the title is hung from the structure above the ring and whoever pulls it down wins. It’s a big brawl to start as you can see the arena looking mostly dark, likely hiding a small crowd. Everyone is running all over the place with no flow or story to start. DJZ clotheslines Everett down but it’s Tigre sending the challengers to the floor, only to have Manik break up a dive.
DJZ comes back in and tries a dive of his own, which the camera misses. They saw him dive, but the crash is lost to the ages. Tigre and Everett’s dives are at least seen but Manik breaks up Everett’s climb attempt with some rolling suplexes. Manik and DJZ plant Tigre with a double facebuster but neither is able to get the belt down. Tigre comes back in with a reverse suplex into a Stunner on Everett, only to have Manik break up his attempt at the title.
Everett crushes the champ with a 630 for the big spot of the match. Not to be outdone, Tigre kicks DJZ to the floor and busts out a 450 from the top to the floor. Everett climbs on top of the ropes and walks across using the structure for balance but Tigre crawls over to kick him in the ribs for a big crash, allowing Tigre to retain at 9:42.
Rating: C+. It was fun and full of big spots but there’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Tigre winning is a good idea, but can we please get him a story? The only thing he’s had since he won the title was the joke with Donald Trump which was at least mildly entertaining as we got to hear something about him. Unfortunately, he’s never had anything in the ring to get people interested and it’s hurting things.
Post match here’s the debuting Gregory Helms to……raise Tigre’s arm. No attack or challenge or anything. One might think Helms vs. Uno could have been a good match for the title here but why have something interesting when you can have a gimmick instead?
The three people in the main event arrived earlier.
Here’s Ethan Carter III to complain about the main event being turned into a triple threat by the hands of his great Aunt Dixie. He rips on his opponents with Drew standing up for wrestling and Matt for already losing two title shots. Ethan has Bound for Glory in his blood but he’s beyond greatness. This was total and complete filler because they only booked seven matches on the biggest show of the year.
Bound For Gold Gauntlet Match
This is your standard gauntlet match, meaning a mini Royal Rumble but the final two will have a one on one match with the winner getting a future World Title shot. Mr. Anderson is in at #1 and his mic doesn’t drop. The guy has one aspect to his whole character and TNA managed to screw that up. Jesse Godderz is in at #2. They shake hands to start and Anderson scores with some armdrags. A gorilla press sends him into the corner though so Anderson offers another handshake.
Jesse catches the boot to the ribs but Anderson is waiting with a thumb to the eye. Eli Drake (minus the He-Man chest gear) is in at #3 and the heels double team Anderson. Mr. finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s Al Snow (an unannounced name) in at #4. Al does all of his usual stuff including the trapping headbutts on Godderz. Jesse clotheslines Eli but gets dropkicked by Anderson.
Snow and Anderson clean house but don’t eliminate anyone until Aiden O’Shea (formerly known as Jay Bradley) is in at #5. He’s billed as a thug and looks like as a Sheamus knockoff. O’Shea hammers away and it’s Robbie E. (with no entrance video) in at #6. No eliminations yet. Robbie and Al form an awkward alliance to clean house until Snow punches Robbie in the face. A shot from Head eliminates Drake and it’s Mahabali Shera in at #7. Shera cleans house but stops to dance. As in the whole match stops for a dance party.
O’Shea finally remembers that he’s a brawler and starts fighting again, only to get clotheslined out to the floor. Tyrus is in at #8 and house is cleaned again. Everyone tries to slow the monster down and it’s Chris Melendez in at #9. Melendez kicks a few people with the combat boot until Tyrus puts out Melendez and Snow with ease. Shera is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer, in yellow polka dot pants, is in at #10. We currently have Dreamer, Tyrus, Robbie, Anderson and Jesse Godderz.
Dreamer gets in a low blow and cross body to put Tyrus down but Jesse dropkicks him in the face. Abyss is in at #11 and chokeslams Robbie. We get the showdown of the giants but since they haven’t ripped off a WWE gag in a long time, Pope jumps off commentary to enter at #12. Pope looks at Abyss and Tyrus, turns around and eliminates himself. Well at least it was funny. Dreamer and Anderson load up superplexes but Abyss and Tyrus turn them into Towers of Doom in a nice spot. Totally scripted looking but nice.
Abyss and Tyrus do another big staredown and it’s Tyrus getting the elimination, only to eat a double DDT from Dreamer and Robbie. Jesse and Robbie fight to the apron with Godderz grabbing a headscissors for the elimination. Anderson Mic Checks Dreamer and throws him out so it’s Anderson vs. Godderz vs. Tyrus. Another Mic Check lets Anderson eliminate Jesse so it’s Anderson vs. Tyrus in a regular match won by pin or submission.
Anderson picks Tyrus up for the Regal roll for two as Josh mentions that the winner of this can challenge for ANY title they want. That’s a new rule for the match and Pope immediately asks why you would want to try for any other title. Anderson tries another slam but Tyrus grabs a quick slam and drops a splash for the pin at 24:30.
Rating: D. It wasn’t horrible but it was clear that they were just filling in as much time as they could. On top of that, I’m supposed to get hyped up (potentially since TNA changes rules with thirty seconds to go in the match) for Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman playing Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels? That’s the best they’ve got after all this time? I know Shera was stupid but at least he was a fresh name. Their solution is a 42 year old former dancing dinosaur? If that’s the best they can do, they’re in more trouble than anyone else is going to be able to save.
Post match Ethan comes out to say that he and Tyrus will be the next Tag Team Champions but Tyrus says he won this on his own. Therefore, he’s coming for the World Heavyweight Championship of the World.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee
The Wolves are defending after taking the belts back from Meyers and Lee, who won with a Feast or Fired briefcase. Meyers and Lee attack to start but the Wolves take over on Brian with their smooth tandem offense. Brian gets Eddie into the corner and the challengers take over again with some hard stomps and a hair pull. Lee, billed as an internet sensation, pulls Eddie back to the corner and it’s off to Brian for a chinlock.
Meyers starts grabbing the leg before it’s back to Lee for a chinlock of his own. Eddie gets out with a Stunner but Brian breaks up a tag attempt. The chinlockery hour continues as the fans are trying to get into this. Eddie finally breaks free and dives over for the hot tag to Davey.
Everything breaks down and Eddie fights Meyers to the floor, leaving Davey to hit a handspring kick to the face. A t-bone suplex sends Lee outside and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives in a nice spot. Back inside and Davey’s top rope double stomp gets two on Trevor with Meyers making the save. Lee’s German suplex gets a very close two on Eddie but it’s a hurricanrana to put Lee down, leaving the Wolves to hit something like Chasing the Dragon for the pin on Trevor at 14:03.
Rating: B. That’s probably the match of the night and I could live with that. The Wolves were never in any real jeopardy here but at least they got a good match here. Lee is definitely the class of the team as Meyers is just a guy in tights. The Wolves REALLY need competition at this point and it’s getting repetitive to watch them destroy everyone.
Drew Galloway says he’s in a No DQ match tonight and he’s willing to kill himself to be champion.
King of the Mountain Title: Bobby Roode vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley, wearing a sweat band, is challenging after answering an open challenge on Wednesday. Feeling out process to start with Lashley countering Roode’s wristlock into a headlock. Lashley’s delayed vertical suplex gets two and he easily escapes the Roode Bomb. A German suplex puts Roode down and we hit the chinlock. They seem to have a lot of time to work with here.
Roode comes back with a Blockbuster for two before they trade spinebusters. A running elbow knocks Roode off the apron and he crashes shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and the shoulder acts up, allowing Lashley to score with a powerslam. The spear gets two and a quick Roode Bomb gets the same as we do the completely traditional trading of finishers.
Lashley powers out of the crossface and grabs a Kimura. That goes nowhere either so both guys hit the other’s finisher for two each. They’re just going through the main event tropes here and it’s still not interesting after seeing it for years in WWE. Lashley pops back up and tries another Kimura, only to get countered into another Roode Bomb to retain Roode’s title at 14:17.
Rating: C+. Good match but nowhere near as good as their stuff from the beginning of the year. To be fair though that’s likely due to having no reason to fight each other besides “hey neither of us have a match.” It felt like a WWE style main event match and that’s fine in theory, but doing it for a midcard title that has more issues remembering what it’s called than who is fighting for it holds them back a bit.
Matt Hardy talks about growing up here in North Carolina and says nothing would be sweeter than winning the title in Charlotte. He’ll have to settle for the suburbs but Matt has always been a second rate version of a main event star.
Billy Corgan comes out to show us highlights from Earl Hebner being inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame and a package on Earl’s career.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim
Kim is defending and these two have had a long rivalry over the years. Gail gets shoved down to start so she tries a headlock and gets thrown down again. You would think she would learn after the first time but wrestling rarely works that way. Kong nails a big clothesline as JB mentions that no one has had cell phone service in this building all day. Gail’s cross body gets two and the announcers start talking about her celebrity chef husband.
Kong hooks a camel clutch before switching over to a cross armbreaker. Gail rolls out and cranks on a front facelock. Back up and Gail tries something like a reverse Black Widow (as in Gail is upside down), only to have Kong Samoan drop her for two. This is technically fine but really not interesting stuff so far. Kong blocks Gail’s hurricanrana attempt and a middle rope splash gets two.
They head outside with Kong grabbing a chair but Gail’s husband Robert Irvine yells at her to break it up. As Hebner tells Irvine to sit down, Kong gives Gail a release Implant Buster onto the chair. The spinning back fist gets two back inside but Gail gets out of the middle rope Implant Buster with a kick to the head. More kicks set up Eat Defeat to retain Gail’s title at 10:05.
Rating: C+. Well sure why not. Gail can now head over to the other stories in the division and bore us against all of them for a change. This was their usual good match but I have no idea why Kong didn’t get the title back here as there’s really nothing left to see Gail do in the division and Kong hasn’t held the belt in years.
Jeff Hardy tells the creatures to mount up because nothing can save EC3.
Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle
This is a result of Young hurting Angle and Kurt coming back from injury to fight the crazy Eric. With no build, this is announced as a No DQ match. Young says he has no issue with crippling Kurt and taking away his livelihood but Kurt says this has been made No DQ, which the announcers already said. They head to the floor almost immediately with Angle in control, only to take it back in for a big belly to belly for two.
Young comes back with a piledriver and Angle rolls to the floor holding his head and neck. The match basically stops as medics come out to look at Angle. Kurt starts walking to the back but Young breaks it up and attacks the medics. Young throws Kurt back inside and hits him in the head with a chair. They head outside again and Angle grabs a German suplex to block a piledriver on the exposed concrete.
Back in and Kurt’s neck gives out again but he’s still able to flip Young off and roll some Germans. The Angle Slam gets two but Young pops up and sends him hard into the post twice in a row. The top rope elbow gets no cover as Young goes up for a second elbow drop to the back. Eric gets really evil and loads up a super piledriver, only to have Angle backdrop him out and grab the ankle lock. For some reason he lets go of the grapevine though and Eric gets the rope, only to have him pull Young back in for the grapevine again, making Young tap at 13:09.
Rating: D+. Well so much for Eric’s career and ALL HAIL KURT FREAKING ANGLE BECAUSE HE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. This is TNA’s biggest problem in a nutshell: they’ve built Young up as this killer and then they have Angle come in and beat him despite Angle leaving in three months. All hail the old guys and screw anyone who might get over by getting a big win over them because that’s how TNA rolls: it’s all about people in their 40s and making sure they look as amazing as they can for one last payday because TNA’s future will take care of itself.
The announcers preview the main event a bit.
Video on the main event and of course the audio messes up. These jokes write themselves.
TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway
Carter is defending and Jeff Hardy, Carter’s former employee, is guest referee. As usual, JB says Drew is standing when he’s kneeling. Tyrus tries to cheat thirty seconds in and gets ejected. Matt and Drew take turns punching Ethan in the corner and a clothesline puts the champ on the floor. Drew goes after Matt with some forearms to the back and a big headbutt as Ethan comes back in.
Carter knocks Matt out to the floor and stops to yell at Jeff for no apparent reason. A cravate slows Drew down but they trade cross bodies to drop both guys. Everyone gets back in but Matt and Ethan are quickly on the floor, allowing Drew to hit a big flip dive and take Hardy out. It’s table time but Drew picks Ethan up and hits a White Noise onto the steps for a big thud. Matt makes the save and puts Drew on top of Ethan (there’s no count for no apparent reason) for a double stack moonsault.
Ethan runs Jeff over by mistake and walks into the Side Effect but there’s no one to count. Carter is up first and puts Drew on the table at ringside, only to suplex Matt from the apron through Galloway in a big crash. Back in and a TKO gets two on Matt but Drew comes back in and tries to pull Matt off the top. Hardy headbutts him into the Tree of Woe but Ethan comes of to make it a superplex, only to have Drew do a sit up to add a German superplex in an impressive spot.
Matt and Drew slug it out so Ethan gives them both the 1%er at the same time for two each. The fans aren’t even reacting to these near falls and Jeff has barely been a factor so far. Ethan realizes that Jeff needs to get involved so he shoves the referee and demands a DQ. It’s No DQ though so Ethan grabs a chair, only to have Jeff take it away. Ethan slaps him again so Jeff lays Carter out with a Twisting Stunner. Drew adds a running boot and Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew for the pin and the title at 20:01.
Rating: C-. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! They took the stupidest possible outcome of the three and actually went with it because TNA really is that stupid. Matt Hardy lost his two title shots, didn’t get the pin to get into this match, and then wins the title at 41 years old with help from his more popular brother when you have Drew at 30 and Ethan at 32 right there. Instead though, OLD GUYS RULE!
As for the match itself, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. This was your standard triple threat match with some decent action but it didn’t do anything new. Galloway losing makes my head hurt but at least we had a watchable match instead of the disasters we had to sit through last year.
Ethan freaks out on Dixie in the back (because we NEEDED a Dixie cameo) and says she’s dead to him.
Matt’s wife and son get in, along with the Hardys’ dad (who looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else) to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. To recap, Tyrus is 42, Gail Kim and Bobby Roode are 38, Kurt Angle is 46 and Matt Hardy is 41. These people are the winners and therefore bigger stars of the company. That’s your future people. A bunch of people who got famous in WWE (save for Roode) and are probably in the twilights of their careers. Now they’re actually setting up what looks like Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus for a title shot. I mean……yeah I think that speaks for itself actually.
Overall the show was just there. It had its moments and some good matches here and there, but that gauntlet just killed anything they could have gotten going. It was long, dull, and had a lame ending that not a lot of people wanted to see. The main event wasn’t bad and the Tag Team Title match worked, but nothing on here felt like a big match. A good chunk of that is due to how little time they had to build, but instead TNA decided their best bet to stay on TV was to have their all-star team beat a bunch of rookies and castoffs.
Matt winning the title was a fun moment but it’s really stupid when they’re in the position they’re in. TNA needs someone that fans can get behind and going off of a “HE FINALLY DID IT” moment isn’t going to make that work. This was much more about however many people they could find to accept free tickets tonight and not looking forward to the future, which has always been one of TNA’s biggest problems.
This show did nothing to make me think TNA has hope going forward and it was the same bunch of problems they’ve had for years now. Off to India like nothing is wrong though, because that’s the TNA mindset: shrug it off and pretend there are no problems while you get thrown off of yet another network because fewer and fewer people want to watch this nonsense.
Oh and in case you’re wondering: there was no mystery third announcer. Not mentioned, not referenced, not that it matters.
Results
Tigre Uno b. DJZ, Andrew Everett and Manik – Uno pulled down the title
Tyrus won a gauntlet match last eliminating Mr. Anderson
Wolves b. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee – Brainbuster to Lee
Bobby Roode b. Bobby Lashley – Roode Bomb
Gail Kim b. Awesome Kong – Eat Defeat
Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock
Matt Hardy b. Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III – Twist of Fate to Galloway
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m somewhat optimistic going into the show tomorrow night. TNA has done about as good of a job of setting this thing up in four hours and I’m actually wanting to see what they’ve got. Above all else, this show is already better than last year’s disaster and has the potential to be entertaining. Let’s get to it.
We’ll start with one of the matches added on Impact with Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young. To continue the theme of things I can’t believe I’m saying, Eric should win this hands down. Angle is leaving in January and turns 47 in December. There is no reason to keep pushing him as this star, especially if he’s on the verge of leaving. Eric has a lot more potential in TNA and Angle stopped being hurt by losses about ten years ago. It’s nice to have a story to this match but Angle should take the loss, probably the first of a few on his way out.
There’s a gauntlet match between Abyss, Aiden O’Shea (Jay Bradley. I remember him better from his OVW days than TNA), Chris Melendez, Eli Drake, Jessie Godderz, Mahabali Shera, Mr. Anderson, Robbie E. and Tyrus for a future shot at the World Title. Let’s not waste time here: Shera is winning this and getting the big title shot in India for the sake of the live crowd because that worked oh so well in Ring Ka King.
You remember Ring Ka King. That’s the TNA backed show that ran in India and ended with Shera winning the title before the show was canceled. As is always the case with TNA: they never learn. I know Shera is better now, but catering to the live crowd instead of the much larger one over in America, as in where they’re in desperate need for a new TV contract. Their solution: push a guy whose gimmick is folding his arms and popping his shoulders in the latest “dance craze”. In other words, they’re pushing a brawling Fandango and expecting it to be their big TV angle for….whenever the shows they’re taping in late November air.
Next up is the Ultimate X match for the X-Division Title. I’ve completely given up on any hope for the title having meaning these days so a thrown together multi-challenger title defense is the best we’re going to get. Tigre Uno is defending against Andrew Everett (newcomer who has worked around the indy circuit including some time in ROH), DJZ (who lost in a multi-man match on Wednesday) and TJP (formerly Manik, who has won two singles matches in TNA since last September and one of them was at a One Night Only).
It’s so sad to see the title this dead after being the cornerstone of TNA for so many years. That being said, this meaningless title defense is standard lately for Bound For Glory as they haven’t had a singles match for the title since 2012 and that match was added at the last Impact to put the title on the show. Tigre should retain here but they’ll probably go with TJP, who they keep seeing potential in, despite not letting him go anywhere for some reason. It’s going to be a big spot fest and nothing we haven’t seen before as Pope and Josh the Tool (seriously dude: wear long sleeves) talk about how innovative it all is.
Wolves vs. Trevor Lee/Brian Meyers. If you need an answer here, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. Lee has talent and should be successful elsewhere but Meyers is one of the most generic guys I’ve seen in a long time. Wolves retain and barely break a sweat in doing so.
Lashley vs. Bobby Roode for the Globally Televised Legendary Kingdom in the Mountains Title (STICK WITH A NAME ALREADY) is probably going to be the match of the night and that shouldn’t come as a surprise. Their series for the World Title was really good but I could go for ANY kind of story here.
It’s really lazy writing to have an open challenge for the title (and even worse when you consider it’s on the same show as an X-Division Title match where the opponents were thrown together and a gauntlet match where the opponents are thrown together) but they have the potential to be really good as both guys are talented. Lashley has gone from the hottest thing in the company to just another guy in the last six months but that’s TNA for you. I’ll take Roode to retain but it’s a tossup.
Kong takes the title from Kim. There’s no logical reason to keep the belt on Gail here, aside from TNA’s love affair with her. Kong hasn’t help the belt in almost seven years and she should take it back here. As usual in TNA, they’re building the idea off something that happened years ago and you needed to be around a long time ago to know the idea here. The match should be good but Kong needs to powerbomb her into oblivion and hopefully off TV for the better part of a year. I’ve had enough of the female Lance Storm for a thousand years and I really don’t need to ever see her around the title again.
I’ve already done a full column on the main event:
I’m picking Galloway but Carter retaining wouldn’t surprise me. Then again neither would putting it on Hardy, which would be the worst possible option out of the three. Of course there’s always the option of having Jeff turn on his brother and join forces with Ethan as the new heel stable because it’s been two whole weeks since we’ve had one.
Overall Bound For Glory has the chance to be a fun show but at the same time there’s nothing on the show I’m dying to see. There isn’t a blowaway match on the show (I bet Buddy Rose could have one) and the best one is likely the midcard title match that we’ve seen three times in the last year. There’s a real chance that this is the last TNA pay per view ever and hopefully they go out with a decent show after this year’s Slammiversary and last year’s Bound For Glory were such wrecks. We’ll go with cautious optimism and low expectations, which means it’s a good day for TNA.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – September 16, 2015: Go Home And Take TNA With You
Impact Wrestling Date: September 16, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It’s the final night of the invasion as we’ll be having Lethal Lockdown between TNA and GFW for total control of the company. This is likely going to be a one match show for the most part as nothing else of note has been announced. There’s also the chance that someone could turn on their company. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the invasion leading up to tonight’s showdown inside the cage.
Jeremy Borash is in the ring for the contract signing between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Yes they’re really saving this for the same show as the blowoff match. Since this is TNA, shouldn’t the signing be delayed? Dixie talks about how Jeff is still causing all this trouble because of how he left the company years ago.
It was Jeff’s action that led him out of TNA and Dixie was hoping that they could work together again. That didn’t happen though and it’s all in the past. Dixie is here to fight for this company going forward and it’s going forward without Jarrett. Jeff says this is a moment in history, but it’s summed up by one man: Eric Young.
Eric is a TNA original who hates Jeff’s guts and is under contract to Dixie, but he’s siding with Global Force Wrestling. What more proof does Dixie need than that? Tonight Jeff is going to take over his second wrestling company and Dixie will be out in the cold where she belongs. The papers are sealed in a briefcase but Jeff punches Jeremy Borash when he tries to take it. Dixie can hang onto it for now because the Jarrett’s will pick it up later.
Jeff Hardy drives Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to the arena. He’s sent to the back for his assignment for the night. Carter will be there when he’s watched ten to twelve cat videos on his phone.
We’re actually getting a series of videos throughout the night on the history between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Someone, please, hit me in the head with something very very hard. I don’t think I can take this all night.
We get a quick recap of Mahabali Sheera vs. the Revolution.
Abyss vs. Mahabali Sheera
Sheera is now a dancer and dances with a guy in a Bigfoot costume at ringside. Abyss isn’t interested in dancing and attacks from behind. They’re quickly on the floor to start with Sheera ramming him into the steps, only to eat a splash back inside. We hit the neck crank for a bit before Sheera fights up, only to eat a chokeslam. The swing from Janice misses though and Sheera chokeslams him for two. Cue Storm with a chair but he hits Abyss with the cowbell by mistake. A quick Sky High (more like treetop high) gives Sheera the pin at 5:06.
Rating: D. So after spending all these weeks treating Sheera like he’s supposed to be a big deal, he’s a dancer. That’s the big idea they came up with after all this time? The guy has a look and some international appeal and he’s a dancer. Well done on giving him the definition of the dead on arrival gimmick guys. Abyss was his normal self here, which is fine for a first win for Sheera, but I can’t take him seriously with this dancing nonsense.
We IMMEDIATELY cut away to Ethan and Tyrus in the back. The champ promises a party tonight.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus to introduce Jeff Hardy, who is wearing a black suit covered with Ethan Carter faces. After Ethan cracks jokes, Jeff is forced to tell the fans to stop cheering for him. The fans don’t comply but Carter gives Jeff credit for trying. This brings out Rockstar Spud, who says this looks too familiar. When he came to this company, he did everything Ethan told him to do so he could get his foot in the door. This however is JEFF FREAKING HARDY, a man that makes the crowds go crazy. Ethan decks Spud and the three of them leave. Spud comes after Ethan but Tyrus lays him out. Jeff is forced to hit Spud.
More Dixie vs. Jeff history, including Jeff becoming the new TNA boss a few months back.
Jeff Jarrett tries to recruit Drew Galloway to GFW. TNA is a man down, so why should Drew stick around?
Earl Hebner is going into the TNA Hall of Fame.
Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Lei’D Tapa vs. Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim
Brooke is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Gail and Brooke go after the giants to start and are quickly thrown to the side. Tapa and Kong slug it out until Brooke and Gail beat on Tapa for a bit. Kong adds a splash and we take an early break. Back with Tapa dropping Gail face first off the barricade but Kong dives off the apron to crush Tapa with a cross body.
Gail and Brooke fight in the ring until Kong misses a charge at Tapa and takes out the champ. Tapa slams Gail down inside but Kim kicks away at the knee. Kong comes back in with a top rope splash to Tapa. Brooke’s top rope elbow hits Kong and all four are down. The giants are sent to the floor, leaving Brooke to try a sunset flip on Gail, who sits down on it for the pin and the title at 12:21.
Rating: C-. Who else? Who else could it have been but Gail Kim? She fits in so perfectly with the theme of the same tired ideas that we’ve seen dozens of times in TNA as they seem to be on their last legs (the most recent time that is), so why not just put the belt on her again so she can bore the fans to sleep one last time.
Drew gives Team TNA one more pep talk.
Ethan blames Hardy for having a World Title match next week. Jeff better help him retain the title or else.
One last Dixie vs. Jeff video, this time on Jarrett’s betrayal.
Team TNA vs. Team GFW
TNA: Lashley, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards, Drew Galloway, ???
GFW: Sonjay Dutt, Chris Mordetzky, Jeff Jarrett, Eric Young, Brian Myers
It’s Lethal Lockdown, meaning WarGames. The first two will fight for three minutes until Team GFW sends in its second man for a two minute advantage. The teams alternate until all ten are in, which is when the roof, covered in weapons, lowers. First pin or submission after everyone has entered wins.
Sonjay sends Davey into the cage to start but Richards slugs away. That’s fine with Dutt who bites Davey’s hand and kicks him in the chest to take over. Davey kicks him in the ribs and tries a Texas Cloverleaf, but here’s Eric Young to give GFW the advantage. The slow beating continues until Drew Galloway is in to tie it up. Josh already gets his history wrong by saying Drew is the one that figured out Karen Jarrett was behind the attacks (Drew accused Jeff and Karen confessed).
Back from a break with Brian Myers in for GFW and the invaders in control. Lashley evens things up and this is really not the most even match. A bunch of spears clean house and TNA just waits around for Chris Mordetzky to make it 4-3. They all punch and kick each other until Eddie Edwards evens things up again. TNA takes over again because GFW is Eric Young and a bunch of career jobbers. Jeff Jarrett completes Team GFW and it’s time for a lot more punching. After two more minutes of nothing, Bram comes in as the tenth man.
The weapons are lowered and we take a break. Back with nothing having changed and everyone going for the weapons. The GFW guys take over for a bit until Lashley cleans house. Jarrett tries to escape but gets destroyed by every member of Team TNA until the GFW guys make the save with weapons. TNA shrugs it off like it’s nothing again, capped off by Galloway giving Myers a Future Shock on a trashcan for the pin at 31:30.
Rating: D-. This was one of the most boring, uninteresting, lamest gimmick matches I’ve seen in years. The GFW guys were a bunch of jobbers who couldn’t keep control even when they had a man advantage, mainly because they’re Eric Young, a mostly retired Jeff Jarrett, and three guys who have never won anything significant. That’s the big invading GFW force and we spent a fourth of the show kicking and punching before some lame weapons spots and a DDT end the thing. No high spots, next to no drama, no surprises, and TNA gets to beat a bunch of guys beneath them. Horrible match and nothing I ever want to think about again.
The Jarrett’s are carried out and Dixie comes to the ring for the big hero celebration to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. The best match was an average at best four way with an uninteresting ending. If this is supposed to be their big story that makes me want to care about TNA for months to come, they’re even dumber than I thought. This invasion is making me pine for the days of the Alliance as at least you got some good action in there on occasion. I was begging for this show to end and that’s never a good sign. Horrible show with one of the lamest major matches I’ve seen in years.
Results
Mahabali Sheera b. Abyss – Sky High
Gail Kim b. Brooke, Lei’D Tapa and Awesome Kong – Rollup to Brooke
Team TNA b. Team GFW – Future Shock to Myers
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
TNA One Night Only – Knockouts Knockdown III: One Of The Worst Shows I’ve Ever Seen
Knockouts Knockdown III Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Rockstar Spud
I’m finally getting back to these things after a few months away. Not because they didn’t air them or anything but because they’re hard to find. Can you blame people for not wanting to put them up though? It’s another series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match to end the show because that’s all these things know how to do. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is standard stuff that you would expect here. I’m thinking the “standard” part is going to be a recurring theme here.
Christy Hemme and Jeremy Borash are in the ring to open the show and explain the concept. This brings out the BroMans to judge the women who will be challenging the Knockouts because they need to fill in time. Jesse is dating Angelina Love and Robbie has dumped Brooke and gotten Velvet Sky fired. He’s single and ready to mingle. The crowd on the other hand sounds like they’re ready to go to a funeral.
After ejecting Christy and JB, Robbie brings out the aspiring Knockouts, lead by Mia Yim (Jade), making this even more dated than it already was. Jesse is handling the interviewing, starting with Mia, whose dream for tonight involves Jesse himself. She thinks of slapping him off the top two years ago, but Jesse says it didn’t count because his mom didn’t see it. Next up is Alisha from Boston, who keeps correcting Jesse that it’s Alisha, not Alicia. She’s better known as Alexxis Neveah and isn’t interested in going home with either BroMan tonight (probably because she’s married to Eddie Edwards).
Su Yung is from Seattle and is asked for her drink of choice. From Starbucks, you start with shots of vanilla and carmel, plus fat free, low calorie soy milk. Much like the other two, Robbie isn’t interested in taking a picture with her due to her taste in milk. Next up is someone Robbie has a crush on: Thea Trinidad, formerly known as Rosita. Robbie bends over to pick up his selfie stick but Thea thinks it’s disgusting. No picture, but then again you’re not aspiring when you’re a former champion in the company.
Solo Darling and her furry ears implies that Jesse and Robbie are a couple and thinks adorable is a number. Laura Dennis (Cherry Bomb) lives by the code of sex, weights and protein shakes, which is finally enough to get a picture with the team. Finally we have Mary Kate from Tampa says she didn’t come here to play games with these buffoons, but she kisses Robbie for a potential advantage in her match. Robbie: “I LIKE HER!!! I WANT TO MARRY HER!!!” DJZ announces the matches for tonight but I’ll leave those for a surprise. Each of the opponents comes out to drag this even further.
This segment ran twenty five minutes, out of a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes.
Clips of Gail Kim winning the first competition in 2013.
Clips of Madison Rayne winning the competition last year.
Madison asks Christy Hemme about her family but cuts her off because Madison doesn’t care. She promises to win tonight and get her crown back.
Madison Rayne vs. Alisha
Before the match, Madison tells Earl Hebner to hang on a second. Madison asks Alisha what her name is but doesn’t care to hear it. The crown belong to her so Alisha doesn’t even need to look that way. The opening bell rings over thirty two minutes into the show. A quick rollup gets two on Madison and Alisha sends her into the corner, prompting a demand for a timeout. Alisha hammers away as the commentators have set a record by staying on topic for the first two minutes of a match.
Rayne gets sent outside for a breather before getting two off a rollup of her own. This isn’t the most thrilling stuff in the world so far. Madison slams Alisha’s face into the mat in her signature way before they hit cross bodies at the same time. Madison takes over again with a kick to the head but stops to yell at Hebner, allowing Alisha to get two more off a rollup. Back up and Madison grabs a rollup (and trunks) for the pin to advance to the gauntlet main event.
Rating: D. Oh man this is going to be a long night. Madison is great as the evil stuck up character but I have a bad feeling we’re going to have a bunch of clones fighting the Knockouts. That doesn’t make things interesting because it makes the rest of the card feel like a waste of the time before we find out which Knockout is chosen to win tonight.
Thea Trinidad says she’s been in TNA before (thank goodness) and she’s here tonight get some revenge on Angelina Love for past issues. She talks about the Hardys and Tommy Dreamer mentoring her and this again feels like filling in time.
Angelina Love, with boyfriend Jesse Godderz, says she’s awesome and will be the Queen of the Knockouts tonight. Rebel and Crazzy Steve come up and honk a horn. Did I mention this was taped a long time ago?
Angelina Love vs. Thea Trinidad
Feeling out process to start until Trinidad gets two off a suplex. Love sends her into the middle rope for some choking, followed by some backbreakers for two. A quickly broken chinlock is countered into a small package to give Thea two. Love comes right back with a Hennig necksnap and it’s off to a full nelson with the legs. Back up and Thea kicks her in the face for two, Matrixes away from a kick, and totally botches a bulldog.
After copying three of Trish Stratus’ signature moves (minus the springboard on the bulldog), Thea connects with a moonsault but Jesse gets on the apron for a distraction. Cue Crazzy Steve to pull him off though, allowing Thea to knock Angelina off the apron and out onto Godderz. Apparently that one crash is enough for the countout to advance Trinidad.
Rating: D. So we had to sit through seven and a half minutes to get to part of the Menagerie causing a countout because Love can get knocked down for ten seconds off what was basically a high cross body. Unfortunately I’d assume we’re using this to set up a tag match later in the show because they have no idea how to fill in two and a half hours on a Knockouts show.
Post match Robbie and DJZ come in to help with the beatdown so here’s Knux for the save to set up the six person tag for later. Oh and it’s elimination rules to make it even longer.
Gail Kim, who is pro women’s wrestling, says this is her favorite show of the year. She wants the crown.
Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis
Before the match, Gail brings up Laura answering an open challenge back in 2013. Gail offers a handshake but Laura pulls her into for a cheap shot to take over early. That’s more personality than the other two have shown so far. Gail avoids a charge in the corner though and sends her face first into the buckle, setting up the figure four around the post. Well she is Canadian after all.
Dennis crawls up the ramp so Gail can’t dive on her. Back in and Laura gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again before busting out some Cattle Mutilation. Gail rolls out of that and ties up the arm while bending Laura’s leg over her shoulder to make it kind of a half crab. The hold looks too awesome to keep it on very long so Gail hits a Stinger Splash and the running cross body to the ribs for two. Eat Defeat puts Dennis away.
Rating: C-. I have a feeling this isn’t getting topped tonight. As you might expect, the most talented in ring Knockout there is and the one who has been wrestling for ten years had a good match. Dennis was solid enough out there, but like I’ve said too often tonight, I can’t get much out of them in a seven minute match and a quick promo.
Quick Knockouts music video. Nice job on showing Taryn in her Dollhouse gimmick after showing her as the old version in the arena.
Havok wants to fight Amazing Kong. Yes Amazing.
Solo Darling vs. Havok
Darling has furry ears and a long tail. Heaven help me she’s wrestling with the tail on. Havok throws her around to start and it’s time to talk about Spud’s pajamas. Solo’s right hands to the stomach have no effect so Havok puts on a weak full nelson. A backbreaker sets up some choking in the corner, followed by some hard running kicks to the jaw. Solo avoids another kick and comes back with some of the lamest shots to the ribs that I’ve ever seen. Havok’s powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana but a chokeslam ends Darling in a hurry.
Rating: D. Just a squash here but Darling’s offense looked pathetic. To be fair though this was back when Havok was interesting (and employed) so it was cool to see her built up as someone who could fight Kong in a big showdown. Ignore the fact that the showdown wound up being lame of course. Finally, what was up with the tail? I mean…..actually no. I don’t want to know.
Post match Kong’s music sounds like it’s starting but Havok says they’ll fight tonight.
And now, since filling in two hours and forty minutes when you have music videos, interviews and a twenty five minute promo, here’s a fifteen minute match from Impact on November 19, 2014.
Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell
Havok is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The challengers go right at Havok but get dropped with a double clothesline. Havok throws Gail onto Taryn and then sends her shoulder first into the post. A spinebuster plants Taryn but Gail tries AJ Lee’s Black Widow on the champ. Havok is in trouble and Taryn adds an Indian Deathlock for good measure. Somehow Havok powers out of it and they all fight to the floor with Havok catching Terrell, only to have Gail dive on both of them as we take a break.
Back with Havok still on the floor and Taryn rolling Gail up for two. A running flip neckbreaker puts Gail down again but Havok pulls Taryn from the ring and drops her throat first across the barricade. Gail heads outside also but gets spinebustered onto the floor. Back in and Havok splashes both girls for two but Gail is up first and drapes Havok across the top rope.
A kind of Fameasser from the top puts Havok on the floor but Taryn jumps Gail from behind. Terrell takes her to the top but Havok comes back in to make it a Tower of Doom. The champ stacks them up again but misses a middle rope splash. Taryn and Gail break out of a double chokeslam attempt and hammer away until Gail scores with a DDT. A cross body gets two each before Eat Defeat and an RKO get two for Terrell. Gail rolls up Taryn but gets caught in a sunset flip to give Terrell the title at 14:32.
Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in awhile but it doesn’t mean what TNA wants it to be. First of all, as mentioned, Havok has won something like five matches in TNA over the course of six weeks with one of those being a battle royal. That’s hardly taking the title off Roode after seven months. Also, Terrell pinned Gail, which likely sets up a showdown later. It’s a good match but nowhere near the moment they were hoping for.
Taryn says she wants the crown. These promos have been the exact same thing every time.
Su Yung vs. Taryn Terrell
Yung dances to the ring and freaks out that she’s actually getting to face Terrell. So she’s Bayley’s original character. Feeling out process to start with Taryn grabbing a headlock followed by a shoulder block. Taryn slams her down a few times so Yung shakes her hand in thanks. A monkey flip sends Su down as this is one sided so far. Yung gets in some of her first offense by putting Taryn in the Tree of Woe for some running dropkicks to the ribs. That’s about it for Su though as she gets slammed off the top, followed by a missile dropkick and high cross body for two. The Hot Mess (RKO) sends Taryn to the gauntlet.
Rating: D+. It’s hard to argue with find fault when I have to look at Taryn Terrell for a few minutes. Young had more charisma than any jobber not named Cherry Bomb yet and that made the match a lot easier to sit through. However, it’s still a pretty lame match as we’re merely killing time before the gauntlet match.
Speaking of killing time, here’s a history of the Knockouts Title video.
Brooke makes fun of Robbie E. and says she wants the crown.
Brooke vs. Mia Yim
First bad sign here: the announcers call Mia by her new name of Jade, even though no one had called her that on this show. That’s the extent of talk about Mia though, as they switch over to talking about Brooke’s figure. A fall away slam sends Brooke flying to start and Mia gives her a quick Stink Face. Oh yeah we have a theme here.
Mia channels her inner Kevin Owens by telling the crowd to get ready before slapping on a regular chinlock. Brooke avoids a running book in the corner but stops to shake her hips, giving the announcers a new reason to talk about her. After a quickly broken surfboard, Mia misses a Cannonball in the corner, allowing Brooke to come off the top with a mostly missing hurricanrana. Another Stink Face sets up the Tesshocker to give us another full time Knockout in the gauntlet.
Rating: D. Comedy match without the comedy here as the main roster Knockouts’ dominance is getting really old by now. As has been the case with everything else on this show, the squash matches have felt like a way to kill time because they have nothing else to do. Mia is talented but there’s nothing she can do in a five minute comedy match.
Video on Awesome Kong (not Amazing Havok) being dominant.
Awesome Kong vs. Mary Kate
You might remember Mary Kate as Rosie Lottalove, though she’s since lost well over 120lbs and looks far better. Before the match, Mary talks about talking out Knockouts in her first run (meaning she was so big and horrible in the ring that she injured Daffney) but now she’s here to dominate. It makes sense as everyone else seems to be here to do exactly that.
They test out power to start with Mary forearming Kong in the back. We get a test of strength and Kong takes over almost instantly. They slug it out with Mary actually getting in some shots and putting Kong down with a dropkick. Kong shrugs it all off though and takes Mary’s head off with a spinning backfist, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: D+. I’m rating this higher because of the remarkable weight loss for Mary and that spinning backfist, which knocked Mary’s head off. They’re not really hiding the fact that Kong is the one to beat in the gauntlet match so why bother pretending that they’re going with anything else?
Havok and Kong stare each other down in the aisle.
We recap the six person elimination tag being set up earlier tonight.
Menagerie vs. Angelina Love/BroMans
It’s Crazzy Steve/Knux/Rebel for the carnival freaks. Robbie starts with a war/rain dance, followed by a cartwheel. Knux does the same and it’s time for a comedy match to fill in time. Steve gets slammed onto Robbie for two so it’s off to Jesse, who can’t figure out Steve either. Remember a few months ago with Robbie was scared of clowns? Don’t worry because TNA doesn’t either.
Off to the girls (you know, the point of the show) with Angelina scoring with a running knee lift. Rebel fights back with kick to the ribs and a delayed slam, followed by the splits legdrop for the elimination. Jesse runs in to roll Rebel up to tie up a second later, meaning we’re now stuck with the men fighting on the Knockouts show. The good guys take over with Knux slamming Steve on Jesse for two more but some BroMans’ double teaming takes over again.
Robbie’s sleeper slows Knux down but he’s still able to counter a cross body into a powerslam. Steve comes in to clean house, causing Spud to call the clown a crazy fool. Jesse grabs a quick rollup to eliminate Steve, which JB says makes it 3-1. Knux gets rid of Jesse with a cross body (yes a cross body) before a Sister Abigail puts Robbie away.
Rating: D-. I don’t think the men having most of the action in a match on the women’s show really requires that much of an explanation. Rebel continues to be there because of how good she looks in trunks and that’s about it. Love is out of things to do in TNA and there’s no real reason for her to stick around. Granted the same thing is true of the Menagerie, who I actually liked.
In case you haven’t had one in too long, here’s a video of how the Knockouts got to the gauntlet. You know, all but one of the main roster set, with the one aspiring Knockout being a former title holder in TNA.
Gauntlet Match
Royal Rumble style until it’s down to the final two when it’s pin/submission. Thea Trinidad is in at #1 and Gail Kim is in at #2. They trade what would have been rollups had there been covers to start until Gail takes over with a neckbreaker. Madison Rayne is in at #3 after what seemed to be a two minute interval. Some clotheslines put Gail and Thea down to start before choking in the corner kills even more time.
After almost nothing interesting in two minutes, Havok is in at #4. They’re barely doing anything here and it’s borderline depressing. Thea kicks away at Havok but gets dumped as Taryn Terrell is in at #5. Taryn starts cleaning house until they pair off to get this back to dull. Havok rams Gail and Madison together and it’s Brooke in at #6, with Spud wanting us to sing her song. Madison gets eliminated and Gail gets a Stink Face from Brooke. You can ink (not pencil) in Havok vs. Kong as the final from here.
Kong comes in at #7 and if you can’t keep track of who is still in there at this point, you’re beyond my help. Brooke is thrown out almost immediately and Taryn follows her a few seconds later. Gail tries a high cross body to both monsters and gets dumped out with ease. Now it’s one on one with pins or submissions for the win. They trade big shots and Kong scores with a cross body before sitting on Havok’s chest for two. Havok’s choke takedown (you have to go into the air for a slam) gets two and Kong’s chokeslam gets the same. A second chokeslam gives Kong the crown.
Rating: F. We waited two hours for a boring fifteen minute main event with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners. The fact that this might have been their best idea is disturbing and makes these shows even more worthless than the seemed to be in the past. I didn’t think that was possible but as usual, TNA manages to get worse than anyone thought they ever could.
Kong won’t wear the crown and beats up the referee to end the show.
Overall Rating: L. As in a loss, both for and by the Knockouts. This was one of the worst shows that I’ve ever seen, bar none. They completely failed at any of the objectives they were attempting to achieve and made the division look like the least interesting thing in the history of their promotion. On top of that, it was clear that they didn’t even have time to fill in an hour and a half, let alone two hours and forty minutes.
Let’s look at the things they used to fill time here: multiple music videos, a TWENTY FIVE MINUTE OPENING SEGMENT, a fifteen minute match from the previous year (plus an extra three minutes for entrances), a bunch of worthless interviews and recap videos. This show felt like it was nearly half recap/filler and above all else, the BroMans got WAY more time than any of the women with a twenty five minute segment and a ten minute match. Well nearly ten minutes (9:50), or the longest new match on the show by two minutes.
This thing was a disaster and made the entire division look boring and horribly uninteresting. They would have been far better off airing a Best Of show instead because these things aren’t working. It was mainly the same women fighting that we’ve seen for years in some of the worst matches I can remember. Instead of adding time to the matches, the aired an old match and had a long, unfunny comedy segment. I would LOVE to hear someone from TNA defend this mess because I’m convinced it can’t be done.
I know TNA had a bad reputation on a lot of things and some of it is unfair, but then you have something like this and how in the world can you argue for them? How? This is their bright idea for the month and something they think is worthy of airing. Instead of ANOTHER gauntlet/tournament, why not just have the girls go out there and have some long twenty minute matches? TNA loves to brag about how awesome the Knockouts are and this is what they give us. This was unacceptable and easily one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – September 9, 2015: I Just Don’t Care
Impact Wrestling Date: September 9, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
The invasion is on in full force but there’s a chance we’re just a week away from it ending. Last week both sides agreed to a winner take all match to air a week from tonight with the winning side owning all of TNA. Other than that we’re just a few weeks away from Bound For Glory and the card hasn’t been announced yet. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s events, including the challenge for the winner take all match, as well as Ethan Carter III retaining over Matt Hardy and winning Jeff Hardy in the process.
The announcers talk for a bit before Ethan and Tyrus come to the ring. Ethan talks about the invasion before saying he really doesn’t care. There’s a rare instance of a wrestler speaking for the masses. Last week Ethan entered God Mode and defeated Matt Hardy to earn Jeff, so now he would like his personal assistant out here. Jeff isn’t allowed music but is asked to bring Ethan and Tyrus some water.
Unfortunately he gets the temperature wrong with a totally unacceptable 73 degrees instead of 72. Ethan throws the water on him in a “first day rib” before handing him a big Ethan Carter head on a stick to hold up. Jeff has to read an introduction off a card, making sure to call Ethan very handsome. The champ approves before announcing himself/Tyrus vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud.
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud
Matt beats Tyrus up to start before getting to do the same to Ethan. A Russian legsweep gets two and it’s off to Spud for some Poetry in Motion, though Carter catches him in midair. Matt helps him out though and a double suplex gets two on Ethan. Tyrus does his job by pulling Spud out to the floor and drives him spine first into the apron to take over. Back in and both villains work over the ribs and back to show some common sense. Spud tries to fight back but gets taken down again with a drop toehold.
Jeff is told to get in a shot with the sign but he holds it up instead. The distraction lets Matt come in off the tag and house is cleaned, including a clothesline for two on Tyrus. Spud doesn’t have the same level of luck on Tyrus as he’s thrown across the ring with ease. Ethan pulls Jeff in the way of Matt’s right hand and tells his new assistant to hit Spud with a chair. Jeff won’t do it so Tyrus picks Spud up and hits the spike to the throat for the pin at 7:30.
Rating: C-. This story isn’t very interesting. That’s the best way to put it: there’s no real reason to care about this story because Jeff can’t get in the ring at the moment. Once he does, that’s the best they can do? Jeff Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III? That’s really not a great match on paper, as I’m sick and tired of seeing Jeff Hardy on top of the promotion, especially when he can’t even stay healthy because he’s off on a dirt bike somewhere.
We recap Brian Myers and Trevor Lee stealing the Tag Team Titles from the Wolves last week.
Drew Galloway and the Wolves are ready for war.
Taryn tells Rebel to take out one of the Beautiful People.
The Dollhouse jump Madison Rayne until the Beautiful People make the late save.
Here are the Jarretts for their weekly interview. Tonight they start by winning the man advantage in next week’s winner take all match and then next week they complete the hostile takeover. First up though, he wants Bobby Roode to come out here and return the King of the Mountain Title. Roode brings out the belt and says he’s not giving the belt up because it belong to TNA and the fans.
Bobby takes his shirt off but Karen tells them to chill out because they’re acting like children. Karen reminds Jeff that he’s a week away from everything he wants and tells Roode that everyone in TNA is outnumbered. The two of them have worked together a lot over the years and Roode needs to think about that.
Eli Drake talks to Kenny King and Jesse Godderz about the invasion but Galloway comes up and says it’s time to get serious. They question how good he is in a war so Galloway introduces them to three men who will stand up for TNA: Micah, Tigre Uno and Robbie E., who are promptly beaten down.
Ethan yells at Jeff Hardy for not hitting Spud with the sign. As punishment, Jeff gets to sell some new EC3 merchandise.
Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake vs. Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno
So I guess Bram beat the face turn out of King last week. Micah and King start but a single butterfly suplex sends King off for a tag to Jesse, who is run over by Robbie. Tigre comes in for some headscissors on Drake before it’s back to Micah to start in on the arm. Micah is taken into the corner and some triple teaming has him in trouble. That only lasts a few seconds before a double clothesline allows the tag to Uno. Tigre grabs a tornado DDT on King before the BroMans are both tagged in. Everything breaks down and we hit the parade of secondary finishers, capped off by the Boom Drop finishing off Jesse at 7:00.
Rating: C. It was fine and a pretty decent six man but this six guys doing moves to each other for a few minutes. It’s rarely a good sign when you have a match going on for the sake of having a match going on but that’s what these six guys were doing here. The invasion and the impending (still potential) cancellation has crippled this show, which didn’t really have a lot of energy in the first place. However, what does it say when a match with barely any story is one of the better things they’ve aired in a few weeks?
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Brooke
Brooke is defending but the announcers immediately start bowing down to Gail, just in case we forget that she’s the most awesome and amazing Knockout of all time. A headlock has Gail in trouble to start and Brooke kicks her out to the floor. Back in and a middle rope X Factor gets two for the champ but Gail grabs an armbar/headscissors combo to slow things down.
They roll around on the mat until Brooke lays on Gail’s back and puts on a chinlock at the same time. It’s kind of like a bad Last Chancery but the way she’s looking makes it look like the hold wouldn’t have much effect. Both of them try cross bodies but here’s Lei’D Tapa to grab the title belt. The Tess Shocker gets two but Brooke lets up when she sees Tapa with the title. She dives on Tapa but stops to pose, allowing Tapa to hit her with the belt for the DQ at 6:08.
Rating: C-. The match was good enough except for the fact that NO ONE CARES ABOUT LEI’D TAPA. No one cared about her when she somehow got the Gut Check win over Ivelisse, no one cared about her first run in TNA and no one cares about this run in TNA. She’s just there to look intimidating and can’t do anything else, basically making her a less talented version of her uncle. As for the match between the female Lance Storm and Billy Gunn, I’ve seen worse but taking the title off Taryn and putting it on Brooke was a bad idea and killed whatever momentum they had.
Post match Awesome Kong comes out and beats up Tapa before picking up the title.
Jeff Jarrett gives Team GFW a pep talk.
Jeff Hardy talks to Galloway about standing up for TNA but Ethan comes in to give him gear to clean. Hardy tells Galloway to take the title away soon. That sounds like a Bound For Glory tease.
Tag Team Titles: Brian Myers/Trevor Lee vs. Wolves
Myers and Lee are defending after winning the belts last week. The Wolves meet them in the aisle and clean house, followed by a double suicide dive to take the champs down. Back in and the brawling continues with Trevor hitting a kind of running belly to belly (that’s a very new one) for two on Edwards as we get into a standard formula. Eddie fights out of the double teaming and makes the tag to Davey for the “make a guy DDT his partner” spot, followed by a superplex for two on Lee.
An enziguri into a German suplex gets the same with Myers making a save. Myers hits a quick downward spiral to set up Lee’s German suplex for two on Edwards as the tagging has already been forgotten. Edwards avoids a running knee to the face and the powerbomb/Backstabber combination plants Lee. Sonjay Dutt makes the save and decks the referee but here’s Earl Hebner to shove Dutt down, leaving Edwards to tombstone Lee to regain the belts at 7:10.
Rating: C. WELL THAT WAS POINTLESS. We just spent a week freaking out over Myers and Lee winning the belts and the Wolves have them back a week later? As usual, TNA has to rush through everything because they’re about to be canceled and they think the worst invasion of all time is going to be enough to save them. This lack of drama over the belts didn’t make me care and continues to make the GFW guys look like losers who have to cheat to come close to being on TNA’s level.
Here’s Sgt. Chris Melendez to say he doesn’t mind missing his leg. He’s still on his last leg so he’s willing to fight Eric Young one more time. Young brings out the leg with the words “my leg” written on it like a trophy. If Melendez is a hero, Young never wants to be one because heroes always fail. Kurt Angle learned what it was like to face Eric Young and now he’s out on his couch. Melendez says he’ll never quit because he’s always here to fight. Young offers to fight right now but shoves Melendez down. He’ll fight Chris again but Eric will never give the leg back.
Team TNA is ready for the captains’ match tonight.
Josh Matthews sits down with Mahabali Sheera, who can’t believe he’s here. He arrived and met Manik, who introduced him to James Storm and the Revolution. Sheera promises that he’s coming for James Storm and will get his revenge. Some of this was in whatever foreign language he speaks but thankfully there were some subtitles. He gets Abyss next week.
Drew Galloway vs. Chris Mordetzky
Lumberjack match and the winner’s team gets the one man advantage next week. Drew clotheslines him down and we take a break less than a minute in. Back with Galloway and Mordetzky taking turns being sent outside for some interference from the lumberjacks before Chris scores with a big clothesline. A camel clutch doesn’t get Chris very far so he plants Drew with a Sky High for two. Both guys go outside again and the lumberjacks stand around because they can’t even get that job right.
Back in and the Future Shock puts Mordetzky down but the GFW lumberjacks pull Drew to the floor. The Wolves take them down with suicide dives but Jarrett runs in with the guitar. Cue Eric Young to take it away though, only to have him knock Drew cold to give Mordetzky the pin at 11:58.
Rating: D+. Oh joy we get more Eric Young. So I guess the question now is does Bobby Roode join TNA to counter Young or does the combined forces of Team Canada take TNA down for good. Mordetzky is fine in the ring but he sounds like a shop teacher in a 90s high school movie. Not a good match here but at least we’re getting close to the end of this stupid invasion.
Overall Rating: D. What is on this show that I should care about? We have a boring invasion where most of the wrestlers are either WWE rejects or people that have to cheat to even stay on the level of TNA’s midcard. We have Ethan Carter III vs. the Hardys in a feud over Jeff being a personal assistant. We have the Knockouts doing their thing which seems destined for ANOTHER Gail Kim title reign. Finally we have Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young XIV or so over whatever Melendez has left.
That’s almost all of TNA right now. There is almost nothing else going on with this show and for the first time, I really don’t care about anything on this show. On top of that, we have three shows before Bound For Glory and I doubt we’ll get anything announced next week either. I’m actually hoping they go away for awhile, if nothing else so they can get some fresh ideas in here. Really dull show this week as the lame stories are dragging down some actually watchable wrestling.
Results
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud – Spike to Spud’s throat
Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno b. Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake – Boom Drop to Godderz
Brooke b. Gail Kim via DQ when Lei’D Tapa interfered
Wolves b. Brian Myers/Trevor Lee – Tombstone to Lee
Chris Mordetzky b. Drew Galloway – Pin after Eric Young hit Galloway with a guitar
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – August 19, 2015: Give Me A Reason To Care
Impact Wrestling Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’re at war! Well, sort of. Last week the Global Force roster (well some of it at least) arrived to help out, with GFW boss Jeff Jarrett insisting that it was certainly not an invasion. It’s not clear where things go from here but they’re here for another night and Jarrett is in charge again. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week with PJ Black winning the King of the Mountain Title.
Tonight is Turning Point, despite it being a pretty standard show.
Here are the Jarretts to get things going. Jeff says everyone is buzzing about last week and Global Force has turned the wrestling world upside down. Uh, yeah that’s one way to put it Jeff. Tonight it’s time to make history though as PJ Black is challenging Ethan Carter III for the TNA World Title. This brings out Ethan, who says he isn’t fighting Black tonight.
Karen Jarrett tells Ethan who Jeff is and reminds him that Jeff still has ownership in this company. Maybe Ethan is upset because his aunt picked Jeff to be in charge instead of him. Then you had Bully Ray and Drew Galloway stand up and get attacked. Where was Ethan when that happened? Ethan goes to leave but Jeff threatens to call the board of directors and have him stripped of the title if he doesn’t defend tonight.
Drew Galloway wants to know what’s going on with the attacks on him and Bully Ray. He thinks it was Eli Drake, who he has in a No DQ match tonight.
Bram vs. Mr. Anderson
This is an Open Mic challenge, meaning the microphone is above the ring and can be used as a weapon. Anderson starts fast with some clotheslines and it’s already table time. Shouldn’t that be a DQ since it’s not the mic? The rules say nothing about tables. The Regal Roll through the table crushes Bram but knocks Anderson silly at the same time. Bram stops Anderson’s climb up the ladder (notice that this is the second ladder based match in a week) and plants him with the Brighter Side of Suffering.
It’s still not enough to let Bram get the mic so he throws in about ten chairs. Another Brighter Side of Suffering is countered and Anderson whips him into the ladder. Anderson takes too long going up though and gets powerbombed onto the chairs, allowing Bram to go get the mic. He takes too long talking trash though, allowing Anderson to Mic Check him onto the chairs. Some mic shots to the head knock Bram silly so Anderson can say he didn’t understand a word Bram just said. One last mic shot to the head is enough to pin Bram at 9:08.
Rating: D+. This was a great example of TNA’s storytelling issues in a nutshell. They’ve been feuding for a few weeks for reasons that aren’t entirely clear, and then they had a gimmick match where the object the match was built around played a tiny role in what happened. I don’t know why they were fighting, I have no reason to care about them fighting, and then Anderson beats the young star in the young star’s kind of match. What did this accomplish?
Jeff Jarrett blows Bobby Roode off.
Ethan doesn’t want to be stripped of the title.
Here’s the Revolution with something to say. Storm says they may not be blood, but their bond to each other makes them family. Some people have said that Storm was too hard on someone, so get out here now Khoya. Here’s Mahabali Sheera (formerly known as Khoya), who Storm admits he might have been too hard on. Storm says he was hard on Sheera to show him the way. Sheera came to this country knowing nothing so Storm took him under his wing and into his home.
That’s why Storm wants him back in the Revolution, but Khoya says his name is Mahabali Sheera and he is his own man who won’t be slapped around like trash. Who slaps trash? Like these people, he likes to have fun and to dance. Everyone here must like to dance, so Sheera goes to the floor and starts to dance as Storm looks like he’s about to explode. By dance I mean cross his arms and move his shoulders back and forth.
Sheera gets back in the ring and punches Storm, earning him a beatdown from Abyss. A chokeslam puts Sheera down and Manik gives him a reluctant frog splash, setting up the Last Call from Storm. So they broke Khoya out of the Revolution and now he’s a dancer. Why am I even slightly surprised by this?
PJ Black says he’s winning the title tonight. Eric Young comes in and says he’s taking what he wants from whoever he wants.
Jade/Marti Belle vs. Gail Kim
In a cage with pins, submissions or escape. Gail rolls around and forearms both girls to start before scoring with a double clothesline. Jade starts choking, which is totally legal because Florida laws are suspended if a cage match is in progress. They send Gail into the cage and it’s time for a break.
Back with Jade breaking up Gail’s armbreaker on Marti and the double teaming begins. It’s time to climb the cage and Gail is able to hurricanrana Marti down, only to get decked by Jade for two. Gail is sat on top but shoves both girls off, only to have Kim climb up and dive onto the Dollhouse. A DDT puts Jade and Marti down for two but Marti is up to stomp away. That’s fine with Gail who suplexes both of them down and Marti cross bodies Jade by mistake, setting up Eat Defeat to pin Marti at 9:46.
Rating: D. So in case you didn’t know it, Gail Kim is the greatest Knockout of all time and her name must be praised forever because she is THE GREATEST KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME. That’s all this match was about: showcasing Gail, who has been around forever and stopped being interesting about seven years ago. There was no need for this to be in a cage either, making the mess of a match even worse.
Dixie tells Ethan that he’s either defending or he’s stripped. In other words, this segment changes nothing whatsoever and really didn’t need to be included.
Back from a break with Gail, who Josh describes as the greatest Knockout of all time, is looking for Taryn.
Matt Hardy promises to be in Ethan’s face no matter what. This earns him a match with Tyrus.
Eli Drake, with a leather X across his chest (think He-Man), says he’s going to prove that he’s better than Drew Galloway.
Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake
No DQ. They fight to the floor early on with Drake getting in some chair shots to the ribs. We hit the chinlock on Drew for a bit before Eli throws him to the floor. Back in and Drew goes off with forearms in the corner until Drake kicks him low and nails a DDT onto the chair.
Drew kicks out again and it’s table time (to be fair it had been a whole hour since we saw one), only to have Drake baseball slide it into his face. Drake finds a crutch, because you have to use the same weapon that started a feud, and breaks it over Drew’s back, only to get caught trying to put Drew on the table. Instead, Drew gives him a White Noise through the table for the pin at 9:41.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but as usual, TNA starts something a few weeks ago and I have no real reason to care about yet another hardcore match. We just had something like this earlier tonight with a cage match in the middle. This isn’t even a hardcore themed show but this is how TNA does feuds: you have a match, then you have a gimmick match, then you keep having gimmick matches without much in between to make you care about why the people are fighting. They’re just fighting because they did before and the last match validates a rematch.
Taryn is running from Gail but finds Velvet Sky who won’t let her move. This was a ten second scene that came immediately after Drew got his pin and then it was off to a preview of what’s still to come. This is one of TNA’s biggest problems: they jump from thing to thing so fast that there isn’t time for any of them to sink in. There’s too much stuff going on every week and it makes it hard to care about anything.
Back from a break with Velvet backing Taryn up into Gail. Kim handcuffs her to a post and Velvet says the camera doesn’t need to see this.
Eric Young comes out and says he’s the best in the world and should be in the main event tonight. This brings out Chris Melendez to protest. Good grief why is this still going? Melendez says he never quit, just like he didn’t in Baghdad. Young points out the obvious: he has nothing to gain from Melendez. Chris keeps badgering him and Eric keeps saying no in a scene straight out of Family Matters with Urkel and Carl. Finally Eric agrees if Melendez will put up his leg. The deal is made and Young’s piledriver is countered as Melendez stands tall. For now, until he loses because he sucks.
Dixie has a plan in case Ethan forfeits the title. Jeff wants to talk to her about something else but she wants to get through this first.
Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus
Tyrus slams Matt down and hits a quick Vader Bomb before throwing him outside. A few elbow drops crush Matt’s ribs and this is one sided so far. Back in and two Twists of Fate give Matt the pin at 2:16. Well that happened.
Ethan Carter comes out and hits Matt with the title before ordering Jeff Jarrett to send out his best for the title match.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. PJ Black
Ethan is defending and I’ll only refer to him as the champion. Carter goes after Black in the corner and pounds him down before slapping on an early chinlock. Black fights up with some cross bodies in the corner, followed by a top rope cross body for two. It’s already time for the 450 but Carter pulls him down with a superplex for two.
Black kicks him in the face and gets two of his own off a top rope Lionsault. A rollup gets two for the champ and he lifts Black up into a powerbomb for two more. The 1%er is countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two and Black wins a slugout. He connects with the springboard 450 and Carter is up at two, pretty much ending Black’s chances of winning. Carter crotches him on the top and the 1%er retains the title at 8:15.
Rating: D+. Not bad but here’s the thing: what do we know about Black other than he’s a high flier, he used to be Justin Gabriel and his finishing move (which is now 0/1) is a 450 splash? Somehow that’s the GFW Champion for all intents and purposes and he just lost clean after hitting his finisher. Boring match too as they had to fly through everything.
Why did they have to fly through everything? For more Dixie of course! Jeff wants to keep the momentum going after two weeks of him being in charge working. Therefore, he wants to be the full time boss. Ever the dumbest person in the history of wrestling (even Sting had to explain things to her), Dixie feels good about it but asks for a week to think about it.
An ad for next week ends the show and they’re off the air at 10:59.
Overall Rating: D. There was not a single thing on this show that I cared about. It was two hours of mostly bad wrestling with stories that are barely explained or are just continuing because the guys have nothing else to do. This is the best they can do for a special episode?
What is supposed to make me want to keep watching? To find out who attacked Bully Ray and Galloway? Well Drew said it was Drake and then beat him, so that story is wrapped up for now. Uh…maybe to find out what else Jeff wanted to talk about? Seriously what else is there? This company is really boring right now and that’s a lot worse than being bad.
Results
Mr. Anderson b. Bram – Mic to the head
Gail Kim b. Jade/Marti Belle – Eat Defeat to Belle
Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – White Noise through a table
Matt Hardy b. Tyrus – Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. PJ Black – 1%er
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – May 29, 2015: Does It Really Matter Anymore?
Impact Wrestling Date: May 29, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Al Snow
After all the insanity that’s been going on behind the scenes in this company, they’re really in need for a good show to calk things down a bit. This show is being billed as May Mayhem, which is their version of a pay per view this month. The main event is Eric Young challenging Kurt Angle in an I Quit match. Let’s get to it.
Eric Young pulls up to the arena where Kurt Angle is waiting on him. They slug it out in the parking lot until security breaks it up.
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell
Inside a cage with Taryn defending. Gail goes right after her in the aisle and takes over before the bell. They finally get inside with Kim still dominating until Marti Belle reaches through the cage to pull Gail down, allowing Taryn to ram the ring finger into the cage to take over. Gail fights back again with ease until she tries to climb out, allowing the Dollhouse to interfere again, allowing Taryn to hit a quick Cutter for the pin at 5:20.
Rating: D. Well aside from how great Taryn looked, this was borderline worthless. At the end of the day, you need more than five minutes for a cage match. This is supposed to be some big blowoff to the feud and instead the whole thing can’t even make it to six minutes? The Dollhouse is awesome, but they played it pretty straight here, which defeats the purpose.
Post match the Dollhouse goes after Gail until Awesome Kong comes out. They manage to lock the door though, setting up the big beatdown. Taryn takes Gail’s ring off and stomps on Gail’s ring finger, apparently breaking it so the ring can’t go back on. Josh: “I know Taryn has issues we’re not supposed to talk about on air but this is going too far.”
So, unless they’re actually going to say what happened in Taryn’s marriage, this is going to be another big tease that never goes anywhere. Also, this would be more effective if they didn’t keep name dropping Gail’s celebrity chef husband, who is so famous that I’ve already forgotten his name.
Quick recap of James Storm being creepy and getting Mickie James to come back for one more match. Her husband Magnus isn’t pleased with this but that’s exactly what Storm wanted. Josh: “This isn’t PG.”
Here’s Mickie (in a very, very revealing dress) to talk about things. She can’t wait for the one more match but tonight she needs to talk about family and the heart. Magnus is her fiance, but James Storm has been a friend for years now. This brings out Storm, prompting Mickie to apologize for Magnus bashing him in the head with a guitar. James doesn’t need to hear that but Mickie insists on apologizing, even though Magnus is just trying to protect his family.
Storm insists he’s not a bad guy (has any good guy ever had to say that?) because if holding a door open for a woman or keeping her from getting attacked by Bram makes you a bad man, then yeah he’s a bad man. We hear about all the gifts James bought the family but Mickie didn’t think some of them were that funny.
James redeems himself by surprising Mickie by saying he’s set up some meetings with big names (like Billy Corgan) who want to meet Mickie and advance her career. Whatever Mickie picks, he’ll have her back. Storm leaves and Mickie tells the Cowboy (her word) she’ll see them in Nashville. There was a very subtle addition here as Storm kept inching closer to Mickie, making her back up a half step every little bit.
Kenny King isn’t worred about defending the X-Division Title in a gauntlet match.
Eric Young shows us a Tweet that we can’t see and headbutts through a window.
X-Division Title: Gauntlet Match
Why do we always need a gauntlet match or an elimination match or something other than a scheduled one on one match? There are seven people in this and another enters every 90 seconds. The first five will be eliminated over the top but when there are only two left, it’s a regular match for the win. Manik is in first and Rockstar Spud is in second and Champion Kenny King will be in seventh. Both guys go for eliminations until Manik sends him into the corner and DJZ, now with a blue/purple mohawk, is in third.
Manik gets double teamed until Mandrews is in fourth after a low less than ninety seconds. Spud and Mandrews team up on Manik but Spud can’t quite get him out, even as he bites Manik’s fingers. No one is eliminated yet and Argos is in fifth to speed things up for all of five seconds. Mandrews misses a shooting star and gets sent to the apron, setting up a kick to the face and a ram into the post for the first elimination. Crazzy Steve is in sixth as we take a break.
Back with Tigre Uno, who entered sixth during the break, being eliminated. Kenny King comes in seventh and the final group is everyone other than Tigre Uno. A big kick to the head drops Manik and another kick does the same to Young. Steve gets in a few shots and chokes over the ropes, only to get superkicked out to put us at five. Argos gets kicked to the floor for an elimination, followed by Spud jumping on King’s back. He manages to avoid elimination but eats the Royal Flush.
DJZ gets back up with a belly to back suplex into a facebuster on King, only to get backdropped out by Manik a few seconds later. Down to Manik, Spud and King with Manik offering an alliance with the champ. Spud is tossed to the apron but Manik jumps King from behind, only to be thrown out with an assist from Spud to get us down to the singles match. King chops Spud down and rips at his face but the Royal Flush is countered into a small package to give Spud the title at 16:48.
Rating: D+. So here’s one of TNA’s major troubles explained in one match. This was a major title match and had no build, no hype, and nothing interesting. There was no drama to anything here as the people came in and were eliminated before we got down to the final two for a very quick match with Spud winning. There was no reason to care about this and it a lot of that is due to how the match was booked instead of the action. The wrestlers didn’t have time to do anything and it caught up with them quickly.
Dirty Heels vs. Wolves
This is match #2 in a best of five series with the Wolves up 1-0. Roode throws Aries through the ropes for a suicide dive to start but Davey runs inside for a dive of his own on Aries. The Wolves double team Roode inside until Austin gets back in and things settle down a bit. Edwards chops away at Aries but Austin punches him in the face, setting up a tag to Roode for chops of his own.
The Heels (who aren’t heels) load up what looked like a Sharpshooter but Aries gets kicked into his partner, allowing the Wolves to double team even more. Davey puts Rode into a reverse figure four (with Roode facing the mat and Davey facing up) for a unique looking submission. The German suplex into the jackknife rollup gets two as the announcers are overhyping the heck out of this. Eddie puts Roode in a chinlock for a bit until Bobby fights up and makes the hot tag to Aries.
Austin speeds things up and snaps both Wolves’ throats across the top, setting up a missile dropkick to Edwards. There’s the Last Chancery on Davey and a Crossface to Eddie but both Wolves make the ropes. Something like Chasing the Dragon but with a Michinoku Driver instead of a brainbuster gets two on Aries but he pops right back up for the running dropkick in the corner, followed by the 450 to Eddie with Davey making the save. Another Last Chancery has Edwards in trouble but Richards comes in off the top with a double stomp for the save, setting up the powerbomb into a Backstabber to pin Austin at 11:09.
Rating: B. This was straight out of the indy playbook with the entire match being action from bell to bell. That sounds cool on paper, but between everything going all over the place and Josh telling us about two minutes in that this was a classic and something we were going to remember forever, the match kind of dulled on me very quickly. It’s definitely fun, but I prefer building up to the insane finish instead of just having it run the entire match.
Kenny King can’t get hold of MVP and wants him to call back.
Here’s Angelina Love to deal with Velvet Sky, who is sitting in the audience. Love brings out her own personal security to deal with Velvet if she tries anything. She screams at Velvet (with a voice that Vickie Guerrero would find annoying) and tells her to try something, of course drawing Velvet over the barricade for a quick beating until security pulls her off. Sky beats up security and goes after Love again until she’s handcuffed and taken away.
Mr. Anderson is very happy to not have Tyrus around for his match with Ethan Carter III tonight.
Ethan Carter III vs. Mr. Anderson
Anderson has a one man cage to lock Tyrus inside, guaranteeing that it’s one on one. Amazingly enough, Tyrus doesn’t want to go in so Anderson goes after him, allowing Carter to ram him face first into the cage. Back in and a quick suplex gets two for Carter as Snow challenges Dixie Carter to a street fight. A running clothesline gets two more on Anderson but he throws Carter through the ropes and into Tyrus, who still isn’t in the cage. Anderson nails Tyrus with a chair a few times to FINALLY get him in the stupid cage.
They slug it out back inside with Anderson taking over with the usual. A powerslam and backdrop get two each but Mr. gets crotched on top, setting up a TKO for two. Carter hits a Stinger Splash (complete with shout) but the 1%er is countered into a Regal Roll and Swanton for the same. The Mic Check connects for two and Anderson is stunned. He loads up another but Carter counters into a 1%er for the clean pin at 8:00.
Rating: C-. That’s a pretty clear ending to the feud, but my goodness TNA needs to slow down. This match started with a flurry with the Tyrus stuff then was just trading big moves for a few minutes until Carter won. They have to speed through everything on every show because they need to get so much stuff in. Calm down a bit and spread some stuff out so that stuff like this can have time to breathe.
Anderson offers a handshake but Carter shoves the hand away. Tyrus is left in the cage.
Rockstar Spud is very, very happy to be a two time champion. He hasn’t even had time to think about Destination X and Option C yet but maybe he needs a new goal.
TNA World Title: Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is defending and this is an I Quit match. Both guys come out with security after being separated all night in another idea that didn’t go anywhere. Angle goes right at him to start and they’re slugging it out a minute in. Eric tries to jump over him in the corner but gets caught in rolling Germans to knock him even sillier. He won’t quit though so Kurt rolls even more Germans, only to be sent to the floor as we take a break. Back with Young slapping on a Figure Four for a bit until Angle turns it over, sending Young to the ropes.
Eric can’t get an Angle Slam so he puts Kurt in an ankle lock with a grapevine, only to have Kurt reverse into something resembling a Figure Four. More ropes are grabbed so Young goes up, only to dive into the real ankle lock. Young taps so Angle lets go, but Young never said I Quit. The distraction lets Young hit a low blow and piledriver. Still no quitting so Young loads up another piledriver, only to be countered into the ankle lock with the grapevine to retain Angle’s title at 13:10.
Rating: C-. Raise your hand if you expected ANYTHING but that as the ending. That’s where this match and feud died with me: no one in their right mind thought Young was winning the title at any point in this feud and that makes for some very dull matches. The match was watchable, but my goodness don’t let this feud keep going any longer and get Young down the card where he belongs.
Overall Rating: D+. This one didn’t do it for me. They were flying through every possible thing they could get through tonight and it made the show a lot weaker than it should have been. The matches were good while they lasted, but none of them had time to set up any kind of story or psychology, which really kills the show.
We’ve got a few weeks before Slammiversary and then just a few weeks before Destination X and then a few months before the show is probably getting kicked off the air because not enough people watch it. Could it be because they rush through hastily announced gimmick matches like these and don’t let anything have a proper build because they have to get through everything they can when they have two pay per views a year and seemingly could do things at whatever pace they want? This was an action heavy show but the lack of a foundation takes away anything good they had set up.
Results
Taryn Terrell b. Gail Kim – Cutter
Rockstar Spud won a gauntlet match, last eliminating Kenny King – Small package
Wolves b. Dirty Heels – Powerbomb into a backstabber to Aries
Ethan Carter III b. Mr. Anderson – 1%er
Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock
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Impact Wrestling – May 15, 2015: Let That Be Enough
Impact Wrestling Date: May 15, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Mike Tenay
We’re coming off the big live show last week and rolling towards Slammiversary at the end of June. The big story at the end of last week’s show was Angle making Eric Young tap to retain the title, presumably to end their feud. Other than that we have the continuing story of the Rising vs. the BDC as Drew Galloway was beaten down by a pipe last week. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Angle vs. Young, who tonight will lead two teams in a hardcore war. Good grief just get to Carter vs. Angle already.
Here are Angle and Chris Melendez to start things off. Angle talks about going to war with Young last week, but Eric sided with the BDC. Well now Kurt has backup of his own, including Chris Melendez. He needs a bit more though, so Angle would like the Rising to come out here right now. Kurt calls them a breath of fresh air in this company as they try to eliminate a cancer calling itself the BDC.
Galloway praises Angle a bit but likes the look of that World Title. Angle likes the idea but here’s Eric Young to say he got ripped off last week. Kind of like we’re getting ripped off from having a good World Title challenger. Young was ripped off by the guest referee so he’s owed another title shot. He goes on and on until Angle tells him to shut up because the stupidity caught him last week.
Angle tells him to shut up again and offers Young a title shot in an I Quit match. That’s for the future though because tonight is about hardcore. Cue the BDC to go after everyone in the ring. Young comes in to help with the beat down but Lashley comes out to complete Angle’s team and make the save. So it’s going to be a twelve man hardcore war later tonight? That’s a bit excessive no?
Brooke/Rebel vs. Dollhouse
Marti/Jade here. Rebel is described as a former member of the Menagerie. The Dollhouse cleans house to start with Marti hammering on Rebel in the ring. It’s quickly off to Jade for some knees to the head. The double teaming continues as Matthews confirms that the Menagerie is no more. Dang it I always like that act. Brooke comes in off the hot tag and fires off some forearms as everything breaks down. Rebel misses Christy’s old Flying Firecrotch Guillotine (yep) and a double slam (think a chokeslam but lifting under the arms instead of by the throat) is enough to give the Dollhouse the pin at 3:57.
Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t much but I’m digging the Dollhouse more and more every single week. Taryn is perfect as the borderline psycho leader, but the supporting cast is cool too as they can both go in the ring. Rebel and Brooke are fine as the good looking jobbers for them and the match was fine for what it was.
Post match Taryn says she has play time scheduled with Gail Kim’s family.
The BDC and Eric Young are texting Homicide but he won’t be here tonight. MVP has a replacement but Young has someone better. King doesn’t trust him but MVP wants the crazy man on his side instead of against him.
Here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus with the former wondering how he isn’t #1 contender after the former #1 contender lost to the champion last week. He wants answers but gets Mr. Anderson with a chair instead. Anderson is disappointed when they leave because he wants to fight someone tonight. They start to walk but Anderson suggests a match with Tyrus. If he wins, he gets Carter in the future. After some swearing insults at Tyrus, the big man says get a referee out there.
Mr. Anderson vs. Tyrus
Anderson hammers away to start but gets run over for two. A Big Ending gets two and Tyrus slams him down again for the same. Carter tries to bring in the chair but gets ejected, allowing Anderson to play possum and counter the spike into the Mic Check for the pin at 4:36.
Rating: D. Really, really dull match here and yet another instance of stretching out a feud before we get to the beyond obvious Angle vs. Carter feud for the title. This one is far more interesting than the Young version but it’s clearly just filling time because having more than a month build to what is likely the Slammiversary main event doesn’t work.
We take a quick look back at Magnus blasting Storm with the guitar last week.
Magnus wants Storm out here right now but gets Abyss instead. The monster says there are consequences for what you do and this week, Magnus’ consequences are Abyss. It’s a brawl at ringside instead of a match with Abyss taking over only to stop to throw in some barbecue equipment (cross promotion with a Destination America show about barbecuing). Abyss loads up the chokeslam but takes some tongs to the crotch, only to have Manik try to come in. That earns him something like a brainbuster but Khoya comes in with a walking stick to lay Magnus out. Magnus eats a chokeslam for good measure.
Quick recap of the Tag Team Title situation with the Wolves and Hardys having to vacate the belts, setting up a best of five series between the Wolves and Dirty Heels (I’m really not sure how to feel about that name) for the belts.
Wolves vs. Dirty Heels
That’s their official name now and this is match #1 in the best of five series. It’s also Edwards’ first match back from injury. Roode and Richards get things going and for some reason the camera is zoomed in on Roode as they get started. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Richards vs. Aries with the Wolves taking over on Austin’s arm. Aries is driven into Davey’s knee but sends him into the corner, allowing for the tag off to Bobby.
A catapult sends Eddie into a forearm from Aries, followed by the slingshot elbow for two. The running dropkick in the corner is countered and Edwards hits a dropkick of his own to put Roode down. There’s the hot tag to Richards for the “make your opponent DDT his partner” spot (one of the dumbest spots I’ve ever seen) before the powerbomb/Backstabber is countered with a hurricanrana. Aries takes out the Wolves with a suicide dive, followed by the corner dropkick to Richards. Davey is still in it though and counters Roode’s spinebuster into a sunset flip for the pin and the first match at 8:26.
Rating: B. Good match here but they’re still waiting to crank it up in the later matches. These are two of the better teams in wrestling a the moment and seeing them fight five times (perhaps with some gimmicks later on) is going to be really entertaining and likely blown off at Slammiversary.
Galloway picks Micah over Eli for the hardcore war tonight.
Taryn talks about going to see Gail Kim’s stepdaughters earlier today. She’s also going to show us what she’s wearing for Kim’s husband Robert.
Storm yells at the Revolution for going after Magnus without permission. This is between him and Mickie James and no one else.
Here’s the Dollhouse again with Taryn in a robe. Taryn makes fun of Gail for being so serious of a wrestler because the Dollhouse is making something special. She has pictures of her with Gail’s stepdaughters who look borderline terrified. But now, here’s what she’s wearing for Gail’s husband. It’s some very revealing lingerie so here’s Gail, but Marti asks why she’s so serious. Gail wants a match with Taryn but Taryn brings up the husband again, meaning the fight is on with the Dollhouse running.
Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E.
Robbie has straightened his hair a bit. This is fallout from their brawl a few weeks ago and they bump fists to start. That’s the highest impact of the match though as Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 24 seconds.
Godderz wants to restart the match so here we go again.
Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E.
Jesse throws him down with authority but a majistral cradle is good enough to make Robbie 2-0 at 31 seconds.
Godderz wasn’t ready so let’s do it one more time.
Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E.
The fans count the seconds this time and Jesse celebrates a headlock. A dropkick gets two with Jesse driving his forearm into Robbie’s face. Robbie comes right back with a crucifix for the pin at 1:10.
Godderz is livid so he hits Robbie in the head with the mic. He throws Robbie to the floor and puts a chair around Robbie’s neck before driving it into the post.
Angle fires up his team for tonight. Eli Drake still doesn’t look happy.
Eric Young has a fifth guy.
Mr. Anderson is having something built to help deal with Tyrus.
Team Angle vs. Team Young
Hardcore war, which apparently means a gauntlet match, which seems to be Lethal Lockdown minus the cage but with weapons. Low Ki with his pipe and Drew Galloway with a pipe of his own start things up. First fall wins with 90 second intervals and Team Young won the coin toss (duh) to have the advantage. Low Ki loses his pipe early and Drew takes him to the floor for some hard chops instead of laying pipe into him.
Kenny King is in next with a weapon that is knocked out of his hands too quickly to notice. Galloway eats some chops against the barricade as King pulls out a cane to nail him in the back. Micah and a nightstick even things up and the Rising takes over with the usual brawling. Eric Young is in next with a trashcan lid (that is one CRAZY trashcan lid. Like, you know your crazy Uncle Stu who thinks he’s Catherine Zeta-Jones? It’s crazier than him) and he quickly sets up a Tower of Doom, but Galloway sits up out of the Tree of Woe into a German suplex to take everyone down.
Kurt Angle comes in with what looks like another pipe but throws it down for a bunch of Germans. We take a break and come back with MVP (kendo stick) and Chris Melendez (another pipe) involved. Eric’s mystery partner, with another kendo stick, is Bram. Team Young cleans house for a bit until Lashley completes the field, meaning it’s now first fall wins. Lashley avoids all of King’s kicks and plants him with a powerslam.
MVP’s Playmaker is countered but Bram cracks Lashley in the head with a kendo stick, setting up the Brighter Side of Suffering. Micah hits a Big Ending (just like Tyrus earlier) but King springboards in to take him down. That’s fine with Galloway who takes most of Team Young down with a big flip dive over the ropes. Angle dives on everyone not named Young or Melendez, leaving Eric to hit a quick piledriver for the pin on Chris at 17:21.
Rating: D+. Basically this existed so it could exist. There was no real need for this to be a gauntlet match or a hardcore match as a ten man tag would have accomplished exactly the same thing. That’s the bad sign for a gimmick: you can do the exact same thing without the gimmick being in place. The match was nothing special though and really could have done with being cut down to eight people.
Post match Young rips off Melendez’s leg and chokes Angle out with it to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. This show felt really rushed and packed full of stuff. It felt like they were cramming in as much stuff as they could and it brought down the good stuff they were doing. You can see most of Slammiversary from here, but some of it really isn’t that interesting. I mean, the Rising vs. the BDC just keeps going with no real reason to exist. The tag team series is good, but it’s not something that’s going to blow the doors off the place until it gets closer to the end. The show should be good, but the build isn’t great so far.
As for tonight…..meh. The hardcore war didn’t do anything for me as you have ten guys with weapons in a gauntlet format. Clearly that just needs 100 minutes of build. The battle of the BroMans could be good and they got through the whole thing in like eight minutes so points for that. The Anderson vs. Carter and Angle vs. Young feuds feel like they’re just going for the sake of going, but Angle vs. Young seems to be moving towards wrapping up. It’s a decent enough show, but they’ve cooled way off in recent weeks.
Results
Dollhouse b. Brooke/Rebel – Double lifting slam to Rebel
Mr. Anderson b. Tyrus – Mic Check
Wolves b. Dirty Heels – Sunset flip to Roode
Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Rollup
Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Majistral cradle
Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Crucifix
Team Young b. Team Angle – Piledriver to Melendez
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Impact Wrestling Date: April 24, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Josh Matthews
This is a special episode, focusing on the Knockouts. We’ll be seeing new Knockouts debut, a Knockouts Title match with Taryn Terrell defending against Awesome Kong, a four way for the #1 contendership and an announcement on Mickie James’ in ring future. In non-Knockouts news, we have another announcement from Ethan Carter III and Kurt Angle defending the World Title against Eric Young. Let’s get to it.
The opening video hypes this up as TKO: A Night of Knockouts.
Here’s Angle to call out Eric Young for a talk. Eric comes out in his crazy attire instead of the old version that Kurt wanted to see. Before they fight tonight, Angle wants to know which version he’s getting. Young talks about being called crazy all his life but one day last year, that turned into a World Title. The crazy kept going but last week it stopped when Angle turned his back on him to offer Eric a free shot. Eric says he’ll fight Angle tonight, but it’s going to be the best version of him.
They shake hands but here’s Austin Aries, who says he’s cashing in tonight so Eric can find something else to do. He tells Angle to go get ready because it’s going to be one of the biggest fights of his life. Young doesn’t look pleased and will likely be back around for later in the night. Sidebar: what exactly is crazy about Eric Young? He’s certainly angry and aggressive, but not crazy.
Taryn Terrell says she’s keeping the title.
Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love vs. Brooke vs. Madison Rayne
Madison jumps Brooke in the aisle and it’s a big brawl before the bell. We take a very early break and come back with Brooke and Madison fighting over a suplex until Brooke gets sent to the apron, only to snap both Madison and Angelina across the top rope. Gail gets back in it with a double dropkick and a splash to Madison, only to eat Angelina’s spinwheel kick to put her down again. Brooke gets knocked to the floor, leaving Madison to get two off a northern lights suplex.
Gail sidesteps a missile dropkick but Brooke intercepts her charge and hammers on Madison in the corner. A middle rope X Factor gets two on Madison and Love gets dropped by a flapjack. We get the big multi-submission spot which has never gotten a fall ever, followed by Brooke dropping a top rope elbow on Rayne. Gail dropkicks Love down before both good girls cross body each other down. It’s time for the parade of finishers and Brooke hits the Tesshocker on Madison for the pin at 10:40.
Rating: C. If the Divas got time like this, I might be able to care about them a lot more. I also like that there aren’t many perky, happy Knockouts. It helps to have some shades of gray in there and girls with slightly more developed characters. Queen Bee, perky model and serious wrestler aren’t in depth characters, but they’re miles more defined than Alicia Fox, Layla and Natalya.
The Rising wants a fight with the BDC tonight, one on one. I’m still waiting on an explanation for why the Rising needs to exist.
Eric Young isn’t happy.
Micah vs. Kenny King
Rising vs. BDC. MVP says it’s going to be one on one but King jumps Micah in a surprise to get things going. The Rising is quickly ejected as Micah fights back and stomps King in the corner. King sends him to the floor for a beating from the BDC and puts on a chinlock, only to miss a spinning kick to the head. A Big Ending puts King down but MVP distracts the referee, allowing Low Ki to grab Micah’s foot. King kicks Micah in the head for two but springboards into a Samoan drop to give Micah the pin at 5:00.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but I have no idea why this feud needs to exist. Both teams are pretty generic and they would have been better off just doing MVP vs. Galloway. Not a bad match here but it’s a story I don’t care about because I haven’t been given a reason to care.
The Rising runs in but gets beaten down, including some shots with a pipe.
Post break, Galloway wants Low Ki next week in a steel pipe on a pole.
Jade vs. Laura Dennis
Dennis is better known as indy wrestler Cherry Bomb while Jade is Mia Yim as one half of the Dollhouse. She and Marti Belle skip to the ring to piano music and dance with each other in the ring. Laura kicks her in the side of the head to start as a Cherry Bomb chant starts up. Jade gets more fired up and pounds Laura in the head for two. Marti hands Jade something that looked like a jawbreaker, which seems to fire Jade up even more as she hits Laura in the head. Marti trips Laura up and gets ejected so she nails the referee and helps with a double team on Laura for the DQ at 4:03.
Rating: D+. Well that was creepy. Dollhouse is definitely something interesting and WAY different than the rest of the Knockouts. It’s the kind of different we haven’t seen since Winter, but hopefully this doesn’t turn into something really stupid. Really effective debut though and I want to see more from this team.
Dollhouse isn’t cool with how Christy announces the decision so they beat her up and stick the jawbreaker in her mouth and dropkick her into the steps.
Angle tells Young that he didn’t know Aries was going to do that. Young says history keeps repeating itself but Angle offers him the next shot. That’s not cool with Young, who threatens to leave. Amazingly enough, Angle doesn’t try to stop him. Smart man that Kurt.
Magnus introduces Mickie James for her big announcement. Mickie talks about her history in the ring and how amazing it feels to be in action, but now she has something more important: their son Donovan. She’s very grateful for the fans, but as of tonight, she’s going home to be a mom. This brings out James Storm, who says people know he loves hot women, fast cars and cold beer. He sees a female version of himself in Mickie and knows she loves to hear those chants.
No one wants to see her go, but Magnus says this was too hard of a decision. James keeps going but Mickie asks him to stop because her decision is made. Storm understands the love she has for her son but these people love Mickie James. He’s asking for one more match and actually talks Mickie into it. This was more Cowboy James Storm than Revolution James Storm, which is rather interesting indeed. Magnus looks annoyed at the decision but forces a smile.
During the break, Magnus says he supports the decision but still doesn’t look thrilled. Davey Richards comes up and warns Magnus to stay away from Storm because he’s evil. Magnus appreciates the advice.
Davey Richards vs. Manik
In a case of bad editing, Davey is in the ring three seconds after he was shown walking to the ring and Manik gets an entrance. Feeling out process to start with Davey nailing a dropkick but charging into a hurricanrana with Manik going into a cross armbreaker. A snap suplex into a belly to back puts Richards down for two and we hit the chinlock. Manik puts on another armbreaker over the ropes but dives into a kick to the chest. The double stomp misses so Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, setting up Creeping Death for the pin at 5:40.
Rating: C. Well, that was in fact a wrestling match and I’m kind of struggling to come up with anything else to say about it. The X-Division is just filler at the moment and I actually had to think for a second to figure out who has the title right now. Nothing to see here but the match was fine.
Post match the Revolution comes out to beat on Davey but the Hardys make the save, likely setting up a six man.
Ethan Carter says he debuts a new campaign tonight.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus (in a suit and hat, holding balloons) for the announcement. Josh says we’ve been wondering about this for weeks. I’ve been wondering about it for maybe an hour and a half as I hadn’t heard about it until the beginning of this show. Carter declares himself the next World Champion and brags about beating every member of the Hall of Fame. This brings out Mr. Anderson for some easy political jokes but Tyrus gets in his face. Anderson gives a good speech about the work it takes to win championships but Ethan wants to fight. They start brawling but Carter bails before it gets too bad.
Video on Taryn Terrell wanting to fight Awesome Kong.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell
Terrell is defending. Before the match, Taryn asks to make this No DQ and Kong has no issue. Kong easily knocks her to the floor and giant swings the champ into the barricade. It’s kendo stick time, because those were just laying under the ring in case a No DQ match broke out. Taryn escapes a powerbomb into the steps and avoids a splash back inside.
An ax handle puts Kong down and it’s table time, as per the fans’ request. As she’s setting it up though, here’s the Dollhouse. They stand at ringside as Kong puts Taryn on the table for a splash before getting on the apron for some very weak kendo stick shots. Taryn gets up and a triple powerbomb puts Kong through the table for the pin at 5:12.
Rating: D+. Angle instead of a match here but I’m digging the idea of Taryn leading the Dollhouse. It’s certainly an interesting idea that they haven’t tried before, and the Knockouts division has needed some fresh blood for way too long now. Good idea here and an interesting turn.
Taryn grabs a mic and says everyone told her she couldn’t do it. Well now no one can beat her because her friends don’t play nice. This is their house: the Dollhouse. Jade and Marti dance around her before giving Kong the jawbreaker.
Aries is coming to the ring and runs into Young as he leaves. Austin apologizes and offers Eric the first shot.
Magnus comes up to the production staff and asks them to follow Mickie while he’s working.
TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is defending but it’s 10:56 and Angle’s music hasn’t even started playing yet. As you probably expect, Eric Young sneaks in and attacks Aries with the briefcase before Kurt appears and piledrives him on the floor. A second piledriver on the steps FINALLY brings Angle out for some shouting. Young sends Angle into the steps to bust him open and goes after the knee, setting up the Figure Four.
The show ends with a preview for next week’s Hardcore Justice, which was April’s One Night Only and includes at least one match from the show. That’s a new idea and based on the old One Night Only shows, one of the worst possible things they could do.
Overall Rating: B. Other than the Eric Young stuff (more on that later), I really liked this show. The Dollhouse is an interesting idea and a fresh direction for the division and the focus on the Knockouts held up WAY better than I was expecting. As I said earlier, just adding some character to their matches helps it so much and gives you something to cheer for. I also dug the idea of Storm going after the family unit for whatever reason. Him not having the Revolution around him makes him so much more enjoyable too.
As for Young, this was another example of why I don’t like him in this spot. In addition to not liking the CRAZY thing (because he isn’t acting crazy), there are so many other people who could be in this spot. Storm, Carter, Bram, Aries, even MVP or Galloway would be more interesting opponents for Angle. Young comes off as a guy who is in over his head and is just there to get beaten in the end. Why have average when you could have really good? Anyway, really solid show tonight and a very big surprise.
Results
Brooke b. Gail Kim, Angelina Love and Madison Rayne – Tesshocker to Rayne
Micah b. Kenny King – Samoan drop
Laura Dennis b. Jade via DQ when Marti Belle interfered
Davey Richards b. Manik – Creeping Death
Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong – Powerbomb through a table
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at: