Halloween Havoc 1995
Date: October 29, 1995
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

So we plow on through 1995 as I want to finish this year and get to the NWO stuff. Anyway this is a rather infamous show as we have a double main event: Hogan vs. The Giant for the WCW Title and Hogan vs. The Giant in monster trucks. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. Anyway, this is a show I remember kind of fondly from when I was seven. Now I’m 22 so let’s see how bad it really is. Also on here we have Sting and a freshly face Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman, and we know that can’t go wrong at all right?

Also on the preshow, Paul Orndorff beat Renegade, the previously unstoppable machine, in about 80 seconds. Also we had three guys that had just recently signed with the company: Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Sadly enough this show is only 15 years ago and of the five men mentioned in this paragraph, Orndorff and Malenko are still alive. Eddie died of heart failure despite being in great shape, Renegade and Benoit killed themselves, and Orndorff is so injured he can barely move. Wow indeed.

WCW really was hilarious with how overblown their Halloween stuff was. It’s pure camp and it’s hilarious. So Hogan has gone to the dark side, shaving his facial hair and wearing all black. Yeah whatever. Remember we’re still about 8 months from the NWO at this point. Hey a big arena is actually full! I’m stunned too. Oh I forgot: the truck think is on the roof of the building next door.

BREAKING NEWS!

Flying Brian and Arn Anderson have apparently beaten up Ric Flair. That’s just amusing.

Tony wants to know why Heenan has been eating sushi. That’s actually foreshadowing.

We recap Johnny B. Badd and DDP. So if you remember the last show, Badd won a title shot against Sting. We have the match, but Badd is nowhere to be seen. Brian got the shot instead but lost. Badd showed up at the end of the show and says he had a flat tire. Gene says he could have called. Just whip out your cell phone the size of a brick and call Johnny. DDP showed up and said that he should have gotten the shot. His bodyguard says it must suck to have four flat tires. Johnny realizes something is up because he only said it was one flat tire so he punched Page. It was never explained WHY DDP would have messed with Johnny’s car but whatever.

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Johnny B. Badd

Apparently Sting isn’t here yet so he doesn’t know what happened to Flair. Seriously, how do these people get away with being late to work all the time??? This is being written about two hours after Lockdown went off and Bischoff got to the arena at like 1030. HOW DOES HE HAVE A JOB??? Can you imagine if you showed up to work on a huge day two and a half hours late minimum?

A fake Johnny B. Badd comes out but the real one comes through the crowd to jump him. Tony says this started with a bang. That’s just amusing given what Page would become. Ok hang on a second. Earlier on we saw the two monster trucks dueling a bit. Apparently that was Hogan and Giant driving. So they just get together and ram trucks together? Also note that they were already welded together. Keep that in mind.

In a funny spot, Patrick asks Badd if he pulled DDP’s hair. Badd replies by shouting YOU MEAN LIKE THIS and pulls DDP’s hair. That’s just amusing. Heenan says everyone has been talking about the PPV, even the pilot on his plane. WOW. Tony says DDP likes controlling his matches. Wow I thought he liked getting beaten up. You can’t buy commentary like this.

And we hit the chinlock. Maxx Muscle slaps the mat while the fans are chanting for Badd. Yeah Page had a tendency to have stupid managers. We do some more stuff and hit another chinlock. At least there’s a theme to this match. Just to be clear: Bobby Heenan will NOT be managing the Detroit Tigers. Ok then.

After Badd makes another comeback, he throws Page to the floor with no explanation for the lack of a DQ other than that’s not the planned finish. He even busts out what would become the basis for the 619. Maxx Muscle interferes but screws up and the big punch ends this.

Rating: C. This was one of those matches that was just kind of there. It’s not particularly good or bad but rather just long. It’s not terrible by any means but it just happened. Badd vs. DDP would be a feud for a good while until he got fired/left for WWF as Marc Mero.

We talk about the monster truck thing to kill time.

Randy Savage vs. Zodiac

Zodiac has what would become Rey’s music soon. It’s Brutus Beefcake being able to only say yes or no. Yeah it didn’t work. I’m stunned too. Ok so apparently Luger and Savage have to win their matches earlier in the night to get a match with each other tonight. If just one wins then…nothing happens I guess. Well ok then. I love that rock version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Savage jumps him early and is dominating. A fan runs into the ring and stays in there for like 20 seconds with the referee just owning him. Security gets rid of him as Savage wins with the elbow in less than two minutes. This was supposed to be Kamala but he left the company. No one else noticed. Total squash so no rating.

Badd says that he believed he could do this and he did it. This is supposed to be emotional or something but it just isn’t. Gene mentions singing Tutti Frutti in a bar. It’s far funnier than it sounds.

Kurasawa vs. Hawk

This was an odd choice. On Clash of the Champions, Kurasawa broke Hawk’s arm and this is the rematch. No one got this feud or why Hawk was wrestling singles matches or who in the world Kurasawa was other than a good movie makes. Hawk jumps him like you would expect him to as we get going. Hawk gets his one wrestling move, the neckbreaker.

Crowd is into Hawk if nothing else. He even busts out a powerbomb and a gutwrench suplex. Total dominance here. Parker interferes so Kurasawa can take over. He misses a top rope elbow and Hawk takes over again. He was in trouble for MAYBE 4 seconds. Big old clothesline puts the heel on the floor.

On the floor Hawk is rammed into the post, taken into the ring, Kurasawa hits two Samoan Drops and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. I have been reviewing shows for over a year now and I have NEVER seen a match that made less sense. This was never mentioned again. Hawk destroyed him until that ending. No sense at all.

Rating: WTF. I have nothing else to say for that. Hawk looked like he was beating up a jobber and he loses? No rating again but dude, what the heck were they thinking here? Why did Hawk have a singles match here anyway? WCW continues to boggle the mind.

Savage says he’s going to make sure Luger wins. But let’s talk about Hogan instead.

Mr. JL vs. Sabu

JL is short for Jerry Lynn in case you didn’t know that. And yes, it’s the same Sabu. The reason he’s here is he’s the Sheik’s nephew and Sheik was the king of Detroit back in the day. Lynn is in a mask here. WOW it’s weird hearing Sabu being talked about by Tony. Also that sounds like La Parka’s future music but I’m not sure. Both guys are in purple which is odd to see. They do all kinds of flying around ringside with Sabu doing all kinds of crazy dives etc.

We even get a Bobo Brazil reference to make this even more off the wall. This is pretty good for today’s standards despite being sloppy, but for 1995 this was INSANE. I mean remember, WWF was running stuff like Mabel vs. Taker at this time so having Lynn vs. Sabu on a major PPV was ridiculous.

Sabu wins it with a moonsault and Sheik throws a fireball at Lynn and hits him in the mask. Ok then. Heenan freaks over this and wants to know how to do that. Don’t ask Hogan. He tried it once and it didn’t work at all.

Rating: B+. Somewhat above average match, but considering the timeframe, this was insanity. Rey was nearly a year away from changing the whole idea of what cruiserweight wrestling was, but everyone knew this kind of stuff rocked. Sabu can be passable when he’s not trying to do a garbage match, and this is an example of that.

We talk about Hogan/Giant for a bit and go to the Master’s Lair to hear from him and Taskmaster. I would ask how we get a camera and electricity in there, but it doesn’t need to be asked. Why is that you ask? BECAUSE THE LAIR IS IN THE ARENA. Ok, let’s think for a minute. We have Kevin Sullivan and his master, an old man, standing in the arena with no apparent protection. Is there a reason why Hogan isn’t out there bashing their heads in with a chair?

I mean, I get that his friends are all busy, but can’t he fight off an old man and Kevin Sullivan on his own? This is something that I mean when I say idiotic storylines that go beyond suspension of disbelief. I have no idea what Master is saying here. Something about an eclipse or something. I wonder if he looks like that at the airport. Oh we get a mention of the Yeti. We’ll get to that one later. And now let’s talk about the trucks. The fans are booing the heck out of this. Let’s end this now.

Lex Luger vs. Meng

So if Luger wins here, he gets Savage later. Ok then. The fans pelt Sullivan with garbage. I knew I always liked Detroit. During Luger’s entrance we get a HILARIOUS sight joke that if you know your history is great. There’s a graveyard set due to Halloween and one of the graves says Crockett. If you get that joke, it’s hilarious. If not, it means nothing at all. Meng gets his head rams into the buckle and….it works? Come on man, learn your stereotypes!

Luger was rocking the mullet at this point which is just amusing. Meng busts out a small freaking package of all things. Well that was unexpected. Luger works on the right arm. Wow that’s weird to type. I know the common complaint about guys like Cena is they only know five moves, but I think Luger might break that. He might only know four: punch, clothesline, slam, rack. Oh wait: he uses an atomic drop. Dang I thought I had him there.

Meng is a weird case as he was someone that they seemed ready to push for like 3 and a half years but they never pulled the trigger on. Odd as he could have been perfect for a quick heel run near the title. Not saying he should have gotten it or anything, but a run against a top face was certainly within the question. Oh yeah: the NWO happened. He hits a chinlock, which is better than the nerve hold I guess.

Apparently the Dungeon of Doom is recruiting Luger. Yeah I don’t remember it either. We talk about Heenan talking to Sonny Onoo. That’s more foreshadowing for Starrcade which was a very interesting show. We’ll get to that soon. Meng gets his Golden Spike and Sullivan runs in and kicks Luger to give him the win. Ok then. Apparently it’s a method of getting Luger to fight Savage. Ok then. Yeah it’s odd but it kind of makes sense in a way.

Rating: D+. Again, it’s long but not very good. Also the ending was just rather annoying. Not particularly bad, but it’s just there. Luger was boring as always, but this needed to lose about 4 minutes and it makes it FAR better. This wasn’t that interesting but it certainly was long.

Gene is with the Giant. He literally doesn’t make it up to his shoulder. That’s just amusing. Giant taking the mic and Gene’s hand with it is funny stuff as Gene tries in vain to get out of his grip. Giant is pretty funny here as he’s like 23 years old and about 100lbs lighter than he is today.

Arn Anderson/Brian Pillman vs. Sting/Ric Flair

So basically before Fall Brawl, Anderson and Flair had been fighting. Pillman gave Andersont he win by kicking Flair in the head. The next night on Nitro they had a rematch in a cage and Anderson and Pillman beat him down. Flair got Sting to help him, but Flair got jumped before the show so it’s a handicap match to start. Sting is US Champion here if that means anything to anyone at all.

Sting of course saw nothing wrong with this plan at all. The fans want Flair. Sting does a great job of fighting on his own for awhile but after about five minutes here comes Flair! He’s in street clothes and the fans like him. There’s a massive bandage over his head and Sting is in trouble now. The heels go old school and bust out a Rocket Launcher. Again, a few people will actually get that.

The idea here is that Sting can’t make the tag no matter how hard he tries. We get a stupid spot where Pillman gets a half crab. Ok, that’s fine. Pillman is pulling back on the leg to apply pressure right? Anderson reaches out his hand for extra pressure. One thing: Arn is pulling the opposite way. Wouldn’t that, like, take pressure off of Sting? Flair runs in for a save and gets a HUGE pop.

One thing though: he never actually gets a shot in on either heel. That doesn’t mean anything….does it? Sting is screaming for the NATURE BOY! Does Sting want to ride Space Mountain? This is fifteen years ago and Flair still has a horrible looking chest. That’s amazing. Sting FINALLY makes the tag and the place erupts. Wait for it. Wait for it. FLAIR DRILLS STING! Sting snaps but he gets beaten down. Flair is of course fine as Gene waits on the ramp for Flair.

The two not named Flair hold up four fingers and Flair reforms the Horsemen. A guy named Benoit would be added soon. Pillman would be gone by about April though and they would replace him with Mongo a few months later. And we couldn’t get those four vs. Sting, Luger, Savage and Hogan in WarGames…why? Yes I know why but I like complaining.

Rating: B. This is ALL angle and while it’s predictable, it’s classic Horsemen. This was the right move to make as it all came off as a great angle and the whole thing worked very well I think. This is a lot based in taste for me so don’t go looking for a great match here.

I love the Horsemen and their shenanigans as this was a great throwback to the 80s with the group beatdown. Pillman never quite fit but Benoit certainly did so there we are. Also it’s funny seeing Sting get beaten down due to being an idiot. Sting vs. these two is hardly bad either.

Luger wants Savage.

We recap Sting vs. the Dungeon. Basically it’s your standard Hogan vs. Monster and Giant hurts Hogan’s neck. They shaved his mustache and he started wearing black. This naturally started up a war of monster trucks. You see the connection don’t you? I mean it’s clear as day isn’t it? And then on Monday we did something that I don’t want to talk about for as long as I can so we’ll spare it for later.

We come back to the announcers’ table and Bischoff has replaced Tony since Tony had to go play with his hamster I guess. We talk to the guy that made the truck. Yeah no one cares. Apparently the truck weighs 11,000 pounds with 6 foot tall tires.

We go to the roof and a few things to note. First of all, Hogan stands about 7’8 apparently as he TOWERS over those “six foot tall” tires. Second, the rules are you have to get both sets of axels out of the ring, which is 100ft in diameter. Ok, fair enough. Third, we’re going to weld the trucks together. Pay no attention to the fact that they were welded together earlier (this was taped the night before but that isn’t mentioned).

Also for no apparent reason, in this ring we have two charges that will go off if you run over them. Yes, allegedly, on the roof of a building, there are BOMBS that will go off if a truck runs over them. The idiocy here is off the charts. Let’s get this over with.

First of all, we waste a few minutes welding the trucks together. Allegedly these trucks run on alcohol. So wait. There are BOMBS, as in EXPLODING FIRE, near alcohol based fuel? And this company made money??? Again, someone was PAID to make this up. That’s sad.

Oh and they have co-pilots so they’re only driving one set of axels. Hogan gets put halfway out but makes the save. Hogan’s truck has a flag kind of thing that is supposed to be the bandana I guess. One of the bombs goes off and my head hurts. Ah I think I know why Tony left: he has integrity. And Hogan wins of course. Somehow, the idiocy is just beginning.

Giant gets out of his truck and goes after Hogan, and the champ goes back towards the edge of the building. They fight some more up on the ledge and Hogan accidentally knocks Giant OFF THE ROOF. Yes, this was on a major Pay Per View broadcast by a major wrestling company. Hogan’s acting here makes Mr. Nanny look like De Niro. The monster truck dude has to sit here and not break up laughing. That’s just awesome.

And after the apparent death of a wrestler, let’s have a match!

Lex Luger vs. Randy Savage

Dang it’s a lucky thing they won their matches and that this is all they had left other than the main event isn’t it? And thus begins a grand WCW tradition of “we’re going to talk about something else entirely while this match is going on.”

Tony: For a minute let’s talk about this match. They make it about 8 seconds. This will apparently be on the front page of every newspaper in the world tomorrow. After some uninteresting wrestling, Jimmy Hart comes down for no adequately explored reason and Luger gets run into him. Elbow ends it.

Rating: F+. This was like 5 minutes long and I don’t remember any of it. That’s never a good sign. Just a total filler here as was the majority of the rest of WCW’s upper midcard around this time. There was this big mystery angle and all that jazz and it never went anywhere.

Heenan wants to know what’s going on and he leaves to go find out. We recap, as in reshow, the Hogan/Giant thing. Tony tries to keep from cracking up despite of Heenan’s overacting.

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

They introduce Giant first but Hogan comes out instead, all in black and sans facial hair. Wow that’s odd to see. Was Hart being Hogan’s BFF ever explained? Giant of course walks out with no explanation at all. In what might be the funniest thing that I have EVER seen in wrestling, the camera shoots back to Hogan just in time for him to turn to the camera and blankly stare while his mouth hangs open in awe.

I laughed out loud for a LONG time. I mean the timing was better than you could have planned if you tried forever. This was hilarious stuff to say the least. Heenan sounds orgasmic over this. His hatred of Hogan stayed forever if nothing else. Hogan has black horns painted on his head. Uh….deep?

He can’t slam him though. Oh and Giant is allegedly Andre’s son. Heenan: Eat Hogan like you would eat villagers! Ok then. Giant hooks a test of strength once Hogan is on his knees already. You know that might be more effective if your muscles were flexing or if you had ANY torque on them.

Heenan says he’s never seen Hogan wrestle in anything other than yellow and red. Odd that he’s seemingly managed against him in blue or white tights but what do I know? Giant is destroying him here. Hogan makes a comeback to some SOLID face pops and knocks Giant to the floor. Taskmaster tries to get Giant to leave but Hogan, like an idiot, stops him. Giant gets a SWEET backbreaker. Hogan was WAY in the air for that and it looked awesome.

Heenan points out how stupid Giant is for not going for Hogan’s bad neck. Give the guy a break Bobby. I mean he just fell off the  roof! The bear hug goes on and Tony cracks me up by making it sound like it’s perfectly normal to come back after falling off a roof. Even in kayfabe this is ridiculous. With the paint knocked off Hogan’s head it looks like there’s a Triforce on it. And back to the bear hug. He powers out but walks into the chokeslam. He powers out of that too.

He Hulks Up and the usual puts Giant down, but the referee goes down too. The fans say Jimmy did it. Just to add to the stupidity of this match, when Hogan is yelling at Hart, you can see Giant stick his head up three separate times to see what’s going on. Even playing devil’s advocate and saying he’s playing possum, you don’t have a 7’ monster playing peek-a-boo!

Anyway, Jimmy hits Hogan with the belt but Giant saves him. And it’s bear hug time again. Luger and Savage come out. Luger of course turns heel and….here it comes. This is the thing I didn’t want to talk about all night. On the previous Nitro, the Master had said he had a surprise. At the end of the show, a random block of ice blew up and a mummy came out of it. Yes, I said a mummy.

They called him a Yeti, but he’s a large man wrapped in bandages and tape. What the heck would you call him? With Giant having him in a bear hug, Yeti comes up behind Hogan and more or less dry humps him without actually hurting him at all. It’s Reese from the Flock if you care who is under there.

Luger puts Hogan in the rack to something resembling a pop. They dry hump Savage and rack him too. Giant wins by DQ because he was Hogan’s manager when he hit the referee. They announce that the title can’t change hands on DQ.

OR CAN IT?

Yeah in this match, Hart slipped a clause in, stating that the title CAN change hands on a DQ, so the Giant is the champion. They would strip him of the title in like two weeks and put it up in the inaugural World War Three Battle Royal, which is complete nonsense as Hogan lost the title via a stipulation in a contract he signed without reading. That’s not Giant’s fault but whatever. Hogan and Savage are helped out to end the show. Heenan crying from happiness is funny.

Rating: D. This was a Hogan match with a big angle to end it and nothing more. Giant wasn’t capable of doing much here as he was just a 23 year old kid that had like 5 matches under his belt but he was 7’0 tall, athletic beyond belief and could talk. I’d push him hard like that too.

Anyway, this wasn’t that good but it was Hogan fighting a monster which was what he was best at so I can’t fault them there. A bit long with FAR too many bear hugs but to be fair Giant had no experience and no real style set yet. He would get a lot better. Yeah this was his WCW debut. I’d say this was fine given the circumstances then.

Overall Rating: F+. Uh…yeah. This show sucked and it sucked bad. The highlight of the show is EASILY the Horsemen thing. Outside of that it’s a bunch of WTF moments with bad wrestling mixed in. This just didn’t work at all and it came off really badly. The whole thing was about Hogan and Giant, which is fine, but the roof thing wound up going nowhere.

It wasn’t mentioned at all in the last 20 minutes of the show and it was never explained at all. In short, it wasn’t needed at all. Just a lot of stuff here that made no sense at all and it didn’t work. Bad show, but a ton of moments that are considered classic bad ones here.

 

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Souled Out 1997
Date: January 25, 1997
Location: Five Seasons Center, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 5,120
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Ted DiBiase

This was requested a long time ago and I never got around to doing it. This is a very different kind of show as it’s the first and more or less only official NWO PPV. And when I say NWO PPV, I mean full on. The ring is different, there’s a house band, an NWO beauty pageant, all WCW vs. NWO matches and a guy making jokes about WCW guys on their way to the ring. It’s way out there but definitely intriguing. Let’s get to it.

We open with a black and white video of a full police escort bringing people to the arena. It’s really hard to see anything and we get the old school style NWO promos. You can’t see anyone’s faces until they get into the arena. Hogan has the Dallas Cowboys with him for some reason.

The main event here is Hogan vs. Giant for the title, which makes limited sense to me as he fought Piper at the last PPV. They always had this weird concept of have Starrcade then have Souled Out as a completely different theme of show and then have Superbrawl to complete the trilogy of S-named shows.

The set is completely different looking than most shows with big lights saying New World Order and a bunch of steps. Nick Patrick is the referee for every match tonight which must be tiring.

Chris Jericho vs. Masahiro Chono

Chris is billed as “from somewhere north of the border, Chris “I should have played hockey” Jericho”. It’s the same voice that would say the-the biggest icon in wrestling in the NWO theme song. Chono was part of NWO Japan which became Team 2000 when the angle ended. The WCW guys get no theme music.

Patrick accuses Jericho of pulling hair right off the bat. Jericho is more or less nothing at this point so this should be a glorified squash for Chono. A bunch of WCW guys come out to sit in the audience, including Anderson and Harlem Heat and a bunch of others. Eric says they didn’t have to give away tickets to fill the place. Considering how bad things got in about two or three years, that’s hysterical.

Nice side Russian legsweep by Chono as the glorified squash theory is right so far. Nice plancha by Jericho to the floor as Chris is giving it a go at least. After some stuff on the floor where Jericho hurts his knee we get some knee work from Chono in the ring. Kind of boring but not bad so far. The idiot fans chant USA as Jericho hits an enziguri.

Bischoff decided jump back leg round kick is a better name than enizguri. And hey, anyone that follows tournament karate knows that right Tony? Dragon screw leg whip (dang some moves have long names) sets up the STF which doesn’t work. VERY slow count by Patrick off a German by the Canadian to the Japanese as the fans chant USA. Is that joke getting old? I can never tell.

They botch a belly to belly off the top which kills the crowd pretty badly. Chono busts out a table which is a very different thing here in 1997, especially for mainstream wrestling. Jericho reverses a suplex through it and hits a missile dropkick for two which actually was fair.

Lionsault gets two in another fair count as his knee is hurt badly here. He goes up again but gets caught by the Mafia Kick. Oddly enough that doesn’t knock him off so Chono has to shove him through the table. Another Mafia Kick in the ring kills Jericho dead for the pin.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as I expected. Wait why would I think this was bad? You have two of the best ever in there and we got a pretty good match. It was more competitive than I expected is probably a better explanation. Solid stuff here for the most part but nothing incredible.

We get a bit of the Miss NWO stuff. Some radio shot host named Jeffrey Katz is the host. Basic questions are asked, the girls are stupid, the word fellatio is used. Yeah that sums things up pretty well I’d think.

Big Bubba vs. Hugh Morrus

This is Dungeon vs. NWO as Bubba jumped so the Dungeon is after him. This is a Mexican death match despite the lack of Mexicanocity. No intro for Morrus at all. Morrus looks like Big Dick Dudley. Ok then. The whole death match aspect here is never really explained but whatever. Morrus hits a clothesline to put Bubba on the floor.

Bubba finds a chain from somewhere and whips Morrus with it. We’re told that a Mexican Death Match means anything goes. No Laughing Matter hits and of course no cover. Oh ok it’s more or less last man standing. Patrick counts as slowly as possible so Morrus gets after him.

Boss Man gets back up and does nothing but really basic punches and strikes. Morrus just blasts him with a low blow and Bubba heads out for a walk. We go to the stage where Morrus misses a moonsault, which was completely messed up anyway so they would have been on top of each other. Bubba grabs a motorcycle and runs down Morrus Rikishi style to of course end it.

Rating: D. Kind of just a brawl here with Bubba not doing much at all. Naturally this had no point and would only be on this PPV and this one alone. This went nowhere and the ending was really stupid. At least it was short. Whenever we get to that point it’s never a good sign.

The NWO chicks are still stupid. This is five minutes that nothing is coming from.

There’s an NWO website. Nice job updating it to remove the guy not in the team anymore.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mr. Wallstreet

Oh wow this is going to be bad isn’t it? Wallstreet gets a bad rollup to start for two as Jarrett argues with Patrick. Basically it’s a handicap match with the announcers praising the FAR over the hill Wallstreet. Debra, in the audience, likes Jarrett. Jarrett goes into the audience and no one cares.

Sleeper goes on as Debra is trying to get Mongo to do something. Far too many rest holds in this as we’re on our third in like a minute and a half. Eric says the crowd is getting anxious. Ok so in the NWO language anxious means bored out of your mind and wanting to crack your freaking skull open to end the pain of this match.

This is during the Jarrett wants to be a Horseman period which went a grand total of nowhere. Anderson is kind of scouting Jarrett at this point but it’s not like he’s going to get much here. Wallstreet is just boring beyond belief. Figure four goes on and Patrick literally drags them to the ropes so Wallstreet can get the break. Wallstreet gets an abdominal stretch as Mongo jumps the guardrail and DRILLS him with his briefcase and threatens to revoke Patrick’s parking pass if he doesn’t count the pin.

Rating: F. Yeah this was awful. Rotunda (Wallstreet) was just worthless by this point and Jarrett as a face is just boring beyond all comprehension. Horrible match.

The pageant is still going! It’s just them answering questions like you would see in a beauty pageant but they’re biker chicks and not attractive and stupid.

And now we have a song. Yeah the house band does some weird metal/bad rock song where the only recognizable worlds are NEW WORLD ORDER. It’s as stupid as it sounds.

Buff Bagwell vs. Scott Riggs

Bagwell had very recently turned black and white so this is the blowoff I guess. I don’t know about you but I was begging for that American Males showdown. Bischoff talks about how Bagwell has the IT factor and is going to be a movie star according to Hogan. That’s rich. Buff channels his inner Hogan and poses so Riggs jumps him to start us off. And now we stall.

The constant camera cuts are reaching TNA levels here. They’re doing a weird handheld look here and it’s really not working at all. Apparently Buff has a new move for us tonight. He slaps Riggs and it’s on. Buff is sent to the floor which isn’t a DQ here for no apparent reason. I hate that rule but love how they constantly change it.

Eric: “Everybody has to go somewhere. Horses have glue factories and people here have Connecticut.” And then there’s Orlando I guess. Amazingly enough, this is a fairly boring match. Bagwell leads the fans in a Bagwell Sucks chant for some reason. He gets a powerbomb for two. This match is just rather boring. We get an back shot of Buff off a sunset flip attempt.

And now let’s look at the biker chicks again. Sure why not. Bischoff points out that the fans are restless and I’m rather surprised. This match would be perfect for me to get some rest to. It’s putting me to sleep. Riggs reverses a slam into a small package for a long two. The crooked referee schtick is getting very old.

Tornado DDT puts Buff down and Riggs of course doesn’t cover. Eric picks New England for the Super Bowl which was the wrong selection of course. After some more camera cuts and more slow counting, the fans are miserable. Patrick is tired here and I can’t really blame him for that. They go to the corner and Buff debuts the Blockbuster to end this. Yes, this got 14 minutes.

Rating: F+. And that’s just because I love the Blockbuster. This was incredibly boring and not even a fast paced match. At the end of the day, this was Marcus Bagwell vs. Scotty Riggs for almost 15 minutes on PPV. There is no way that works no matter what you say.

Yeah we get it: the girls are stupid.

There’s an NWO hotline. What’s on it? FIND OUT ON NITRO!

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Scott Norton

So Page turned down the NWO and became a MASSIVE face in the process so the ending here is about as obvious as you could ask for. Norton is strong of course. Page isn’t quite his usual self at this point but it’s coming very soon. Page vs. Savage would ignite his career and make him the superstar that he would become. He’s moving here which is odd to see.

And we still get it: Norton is strong. They keep talking about taking over Japan which was a thing hyped for awhile and then it never happened of course. Page pancakes him (Piledriver but he slams them forward instead) but Norton’s power takes over again. I never got why he was supposed to be all awesome or something. Sting is in the corner of the building so the whole match is thrown off course now.

Shoulder breaker sends Page to the floor and he’s in trouble. He gets beaten up a good bit on the floor as the PA guy calls Page a loser which has happened in every match so far tonight. All Norton for awhile but Page punches his way out of it and hits a nice top rope clothesline for two.

Page calls for the Diamond Cutter but here come a bunch of the weaker NWO guys led by Bagwell to offer the spot on the team to him again. He says yes and puts the shirt on before dropping Norton and then, in an actual SMART move from a face, gets the heck out of there before they kill him. Norton wins by countout I’d assume. Yeah he does.

Rating: D. Boring match but Page was trying at least. Like I said his big old push was coming soon and to say it worked is an understatement. This was obviously just to set up the angle at the end and the match was pretty bad because of it. That clothesline was good though.

We narrow it down a bit in the pageant. There’s just nothing to say about this.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Steiner Brothers

This was built up forever and included attempted vehicular manslaughter by the heels. I mean there was a video of the two teams in their cars and the Outsiders ran them off the road. The Scotts start us off with various levels of arm work. These camera angles are really getting annoying as it’s hard to tell what we’re looking at sometimes. And let’s talk about Hogan.

Rick vs. Hall now. And now back to the arm. Rick gets out of it by punching Hall in the face. Again, when all else fails: HIT THEM IN THE FACE! Chokeslam gets Hall out of trouble and here’s Nash. They don’t exactly look energetic out there if that makes sense. Scott hits that spinning belly to belly and now more arm work. Everyone has had the arm worked on at various times here.

This has been half punches, half arm work and half suplexes. There were occasions where both were going on at the same time. BIG boot puts Rick on the floor. The ring color is very offputting here. This is your usual slow and plodding Outsiders match with not a lot going on but a lot of time wasting, which technically is something I guess. And now let’s yell at DiBiase because we don’t care about the match.

Nash misses an elbow which takes us nowhere. Scott reaches out to Rick but Rick is facing the wrong way. Maybe Scott wants to take up proctology. Snake Eyes on the apron as we’re on the floor now. It’s Nash and Rick still if you’re wondering. Scott Steiner drills the other Scott and drops a bunch of F Bombs. Good night this needs to get going already.

Scott FINALLY comes in and beats up anyone that enjoys being outside with ease. Everything goes nuts and Scott gets the Razor’s Edge to Scott but there’s no referee. Top rope bulldog ends Hall and Randy Anderson comes in out of the crowd and counts the pin. If you’re stupid enough to think this lasted through Nitro the next night, you’re a very stupid person.

Rating: D+. Just rather boring again as the Outsiders couldn’t move at all and it just isn’t interesting to see them fight. Nothing special at all here as this DRAGGED. It’s the longest match of the night at fifteen minutes almost and it felt like a lot more than that. The screwjob ending doesn’t help much either but not a lot is going to help this show at this point.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Syxx

Remember what I said about nothing being able to help this show? I still think that’s correct but this isn’t going to hurt it any. Eddie is champion here but Syxx has the title itself. Oh and it’s a ladder match. The lack of music for the faces is really weird. Syxx is of course introduced as US Champion of the World. Bischoff calls him a one man rock concert. Oh dear he’s almost Heath Slater.

Eddie jumps him as the belt is being lifted up into the air. That would be cheating right? Wow even I find the jokes and writing in this review boring at this point. I think that might be due to this show just being weak so far. It’s different for sure but there’s just nothing of note in the ring so far. Granted that could be said about almost all WCW PPVs from this era.

BIG dive from Eddie sends Syxx’s head into the ground and HARD. Easily the biggest spot of the night so far but that looked very bad. Waltman (that other name is irritating for some reason) hits a spin kick off the second rope as the crowd is at least awake to an extent here. Bronco Buster hits Eddie but it’s just one shot at this point so it’s not as annoying yet.

Eddie hits a dropkick and Waltman goes FLYING. You would think he was catching a cannonball or something off that. Some LOUD fan shouts a gay slur at Eddie and even Eric has to respond to it. Big suicide dive by Waltman and the crowd is clearly restless even though this has been a pretty decent match so far. Well granted that’s based on like six minutes or so but it’s a breath of freaking air after watching Scott Norton and Scotty Riggs on PPV.

Scott Hall made ladder matches awesome. Did you know that? Teeter Totter shot to Waltman’s head and Eddie controls pretty easily here. It becomes your standard what vile things can we do with a basic piece of hardware match which is always pretty entertaining, especially with talented guys like Eddie and pretty good guys like Waltman. He’s off here because of the head shot earlier though I think.

Big old top rope suplex from Eddie as Waltman looks a little dead at the moment. Both guys go up and Waltman does something I’ve never seen before, jumping into the air and hitting a dropkick (kind of and closer to that than whatever Bischoff called it) to Eddie which looked great. Waltman of course crashed like a car driven by a penguin with bad eyesight.

Waltman can barely move as Eddie cranks it up again. Both guys go up as Eric says do it for Alice in Chains. Both guys go up and grab the belt at the same time. Eddie drills him with it and they both fall, but Guerrero holds onto it to get the title back for good this time.

Rating: B-. Match of the night BY FAR. This was actually good with these two being able to have some time and show off a bit. This was pretty good but nothing great. See what happens when you have two young guys out there and give them something where they can show off? YOU GET A GOOD MATCH!

The pageant begins (what?) and ends with a fat chick getting to make out with Eric. Again as stupid as it sounds.

WCW World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs. The Giant

The pyro for Hogan is set to his music which is pretty cool looking. The Cowboys are with him again here. No t-shirt for Hogan which is weird to see. Nate Newton is here as is George Teague. Oh and Ray Donaldson. Other than to big Cowboys fans only one of those names will mean a thing. Hogan is tiny looking here which is very weird to say the least.

I don’t mean because he’s against Giant. I mean his muscle mass is WAY down. Punches just tick Giant off. This is happening because Giant won World War III and Hogan said no title shot, thereby ticking Giant off. He was the first to leave the team after being in it like three or four months. And Hogan stalls. He begins his offense with punches before shifting slightly to harder punches and then going full boar with very hard punches.

Why does every move have to be heard around the world? Double clothesline and both guys are down already. Giant takes over and Hogan overacts. That’s always weird as he never acted at all as an actor but as a wrestler he acts far too much. Shoulder block gets nothing for Hogan and Hogan actually tries a small package. You see something new every day I guess.

It looked cool too as Giant just kind of held him there when he was trying to roll through with it. I love basic counters like that which get to show off someone’s power and size. After some very basic and weak looking heel stuff from Hogan, Giant goes up for a top rope elbow which misses of course as it would have hit Hogan so far that the hair inside Hogan’s skull would have popped out and his image would have been ruined. It also would put a lot of bandana companies out of business.

Giant no sells a big boot. Ok that’s pretty freaking cool. A weak slam (but still a slam nonetheless) sets up the legdrop which is completely no sold. Hogan parades around and doesn’t seem to notice the lack of Giant laying there. Chokeslam kills Hogan dead but Patrick keeps saying the shoulder was up even though he doesn’t move.

The run-ins begin of course and Giant piles them up like a chronic hoarder. The announcers hit the ring too until Hogan gets a (real) guitar as Hall and Nash get there. Good to see Hogan get rid of Giant with the instrument or the Outsiders might have had to do two things in one night! The fans want Sting which does nothing. Spray paint job ends this. The match was just thrown out I guess.

Rating: D-. This was their usual boring match that had nothing of note for it. It felt like the main event of a house show with the shoulder not being up thing but it’s better than the fake shoulder injury concept I guess. Another boring match to cap off a very boring show though.

The copyright says NWO which is a nice little touch.

Overall Rating: F+. I’ve seen some people say that this show is recommended because it’s so different. Well yeah that’s true it is different. It’s somehow more annoying and stupid than the rest of WCW’s stuff around this time. There’s one good match out of like eight and even it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. The atmosphere is most certainly different and it’s true that there never really has been another show like this, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth seeing. Bad show and different, but not worth watching.

World War 3 1995
Date: November 26, 1995
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

So after the whole mess that was the Hogan/Giant title situation at Halloween Havoc and a few weeks later, the title was declared vacant and put up in a, wait for it, THREE RING SIXTY MAN BATTLE ROYAL!!! (Bear in mind this is absolutely nothing like the Royal Rumble even though it’s exactly like it minus the time intervals. Later on they would drop any and all pretense and just have it be for a title match at Starrcade).

Anyway, this is the first one and it has big mess written all over it. The first problem is there weren’t 60 people on WCW’s roster. What makes this match funny is you’ll get all kinds of random jobbers that are like 55 years old and haven’t been on TV in about 8 years dug out of mothballs and put out there as a “top star”. Other than that…well there’s Sting vs. Flair. That’s about it. Let’s get to it.

Yes there are three rings in there. Ticket sales from the space the third extra is taking up….likely wouldn’t have been sold. Tony picks Hogan. Bobby picks Savage. Bobby had this really funny tendency to pick random people and have them be right. I don’t recall him ever picking a loser and I base that on about two battle royals that I’m thinking of. Bobby already changes his pick.

And now we go, and I sigh as I remember it, to this. Hogan, still in black, is with Sting and Savage up close to the stage. Oh before I get going on this, Sting and Savage are his best friends. Hogan rips off the black and is in his red and yellow. We scale back and there’s a bucket with fire in it that of course Gene doesn’t see until the camera does. And alas, Hogan has something in his hand.

He insists Sting and Savage will always be his friend. We’re T-minus 8 months from the NWO angle beginning. Ok, now we get to the REALLY stupid part of this. Apparently there’s a rumor that Savage has a bad arm injury. Note: Savage had been favoring his arm for MONTHS and it was all taped up for the better part of the summer and fall. That’s legit mind you. In other words, Savage’s arm was actually hurt in real life, and he’s incorporating that into his character.

And yes, I just explained kayfabe to you for a reason other than I’m afraid you’re a bunch of idiots. Hogan then says that Savage’s arm is fine and that the injury was a plan. In other words, he’s saying that the three of them did what Bret Hart did with his bad leg in his feud with Vince recently. Ok, that’s all fine and good I guess. It’s kind of stupid given how long the “plan” went on but I can live with that I suppose.

Sting finally puts the fire out to prevent a Fire Marshall Bill intervention. Hogan says “OBSERVE this” and holds up a piece of paper. Yes, he’s talking about the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, or a rag sheet as he calls it. In other words, Hogan is acknowledging the IWC who hated his freaking guts at this point.

Hogan talks about how the internet has the real scoop on things, since the WON says that Savage is really hurt and that The Giant is going to win the title tonight. In other words, Hogan more or less acknowledged that wrestling is scripted and fake, but says the three of them are going to go against what the script says. WOW.

We recap DDP vs. Badd, which is title vs. Kimberly. Page wants the title back and Kimberly is sick of it. Has there ever been a girl named Kimberly that isn’t hot?

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Johnny B. Badd

This was good last month so maybe it’ll be good this month. Around this time, Badd was becoming a wrestler with annoying music and tights and had more or less dropped the flamboyant stuff. It made him FAR more bearable and the fact that his in ring work went WAY up helped him a lot also. He could have had a fluke run in the main event had it not been for the NWO and him leaving.

Page is starting to get into his traditional look here too and less grimy. You know it always felt like these two fought at every PPV and the reason might be that they came close to doing so. For some reason I just cannot get into this match or show. No clue why but it’s just not there. Page in blue and black tights is just odd looking for some reason. It’s weird seeing another ring over the post of another ring.

Kimberly holds up a card that says 10 (gimmick of her’s) for Badd to a huge pop from the audience. Page hits a ton of backbreakers and they’re working pretty well. These two usually had decent matches together and it’s working I think. Badd hits a tombstone for two. In a rather anticlimactic ending, Badd hits his combination finisher for the pin and Kimberly. Ok then. Ending just came from out of nowhere.

Rating: C. Like I said I just couldn’t get into this at all. It’s not bad but it’s far from what they did last month. The ending was just odd like I said. Not a bad match but I’ve seen far more. That and Badd winning again was what you expected. Not bad and a hot woman at the end so there we are.

Badd gives another YOU CAN DO IT speech after the match. That never went anywhere.

Big Bubba vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

They keep taping up their fists and punching each other. Yeah that’s all there is to it. You can only win by pinfall or knockout here. Duggan chases him down to ringside because that’s the kind of action you want kids to emulate. The fans chant USA for Duggan. You know what I would find funny? I’ve never gotten why the USA chants only work for Duggan. Bubba is from Georgia.

I’d love to see a heel pop up from a USA chant and become stronger than the patriotic face. I mean think about it: just because Bubba is a heel doesn’t mean he’s anti-American. I would find that hilarious for some odd reason. Then again I’m a rather odd person. Tony suggests this match will go 25-30 minutes. That’s FUNNY. It’s either that or scary. Bubba busts out an enziguri. It gets absolutely no reaction from the announcers but did you really expect otherwise?

Bubba works on the ribs. Not entirely sure why but ok. Oh and Duggan had gone through his history and said that he had a family history of taped fist champions. This got a full segment on Saturday Night once. I’m not making that up. Egads. The question comes up of which ring does this have to end in. The announcers don’t actually know and it’s a good question. Bubba tapes Duggan to the top rope which is smart but stupid at the same time.

Ah ok the knockout thing can happen while he’s in the ropes. Got it. Bubba charges at him and gets backdropped to the floor but his back slams into the apron. FREAKING OW! Three Point Clothesline hits and here’s the man formerly known as I.R.S. with a chain for no explained reasons. Bubba gets it and pops Duggan with it for the knockout. Bubba yelling at Bobby to tell the people how great he is sounds very odd.

Rating: D. Not bad for what it was I guess: two big guys hitting each other. Ending makes no sense but that’s WCW for you. Not awful and they had built up a small feud here so I can live with it. Not good or anything but it could have been FAR worse.

Flair is here and talking with Gene. We get the old school Horsemen lines so I’m happy. Flair talks down to Sting and says he’ll get the title back again. To say Flair is popular here is like saying Sly is kind of smart.

Luger and Jimmy Hart have something to say as well. Hart busts out a Savage impression that isn’t half bad. I’m surprised at that one actually. In a HILARIOUS moment, Hart lists off all these reasons why Luger is going to win the world title, much like any manager would do. However, Luger reaches up his hand clearly for a high five from Jimmy. Jimmy though gets into your standard shouting match with a fan and leaves Luger hanging there for about ten seconds and NEVER slaps his hand.

Seeing Luger pose for like ever and then just get left hanging is hilarious stuff to say the least. That cracked me up. To make this even FUNNIER, Luger starts to talk. Now I’m not one to normally notice things in interviews, but Luger could not more clearly be reading off a teleprompter or a script if his life depended on it.

He never looks up at the camera more than once in the interview and his eyes are clearly going back and forth reading stuff. He had no problem looking into the camera when he was posing so it wasn’t some “I don’t care at all” thing. This was one of the funniest segments I have ever seen and not a thing of it was intentional, which I think is what made it all the funnier.

Bull Nakano/Akira Hokuto vs. Mayumi Ozaki/Cutie Suzuki

What in the world….? Seriously, this is just thrown onto the card with NO explanation other than they’re great wrestlers that are here in WCW. There was a Women’s Championship in WCW but that wasn’t for over a year. I’ve heard of all four of these names but have only seen a decent amount of all but the third name listed. I’m going to have issues with keeping the second team apart as I know next to nothing about them.

Bull and Akira are heels here and are managed by one Sonny Onoo, who would become a big time player here in like a month or so, but more on that later. Basically Nakano is an unstoppable monster and the heels do whatever they can to hurt her but it doesn’t really work. The idea of this more or less is that the faces have to try to beat Akira because Bill would snap them like a popsicle stick. They hit a pair of stomps from the top in a nice spot. That would hurt something fierce.

Crowd is warming up to this one quickly. Hokuto nearly gets her neck broken with a German suplex that was SICK. Nakano comes in and the massacre begins. We go to the floor for a bit but Bull and Akira hit a Doomsday Device followed by a guillotine legdrop to end it. I think Ozaki is dead. Apparently they did this the next night again with the same result. Ok then.

Rating: B. This was a pair of things: random and AWESOME. This came out of nowhere, wasn’t advertised at all, and was more or less never mentioned again. This makes no sense though as it was just freaking sweet. Sadly enough they really weren’t heard from again. Pay no attention to the Japanese invasion angle that was coming next month either that they would be perfect for. This is very odd indeed but we got a sweet match out of it so I can’t complain.

US Title: Kensuke Sasake vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is a Horseman here and Sasake is champion here because of the aforementioned Japanese invasion angle that’s coming up soon. He beat Sting of all people in Japan for the belt and held it for like a month and a half. Benoit is that guy that went out there and stole like 4 shows in a row so they put him in the Horsemen because they saw the potential in him. Sonny is back for this one again.

Hokuto from the last match is married to Sasaki for you Japanese enthusiasts. Apparently Heenan sold half of WCW to Onoo. Ah apparently he had no right to do that so the deal doesn’t work. The announcers say the fans want the title back in the USA. That’s why they’re cheering for the Canadian. WCW announcers make me feel smarter. Benoit is still good but Sasake is only ok.

The problem is that I don’t think a lot of people know much about Sasake, meaning most people don’t care about this match. The problem compounding with that is that the match is rather boring. Benoit with the long hair is a good sight. Also he’s so young here but they know how great he is even then. Sasake is more or less all power and nothing more.

You could call it a contrast of styles to a certain extent but at the same time not really. Crowd is totally dead other than like 4 people. Onoo does some commentary here to again set up the angle a bit more. This angle is one of the most intriguing one ever but we’ll get to that one at Starrcade. Benoit busts out the Germans which mean nothing at the time. Benoit throws in a tombstone for good measure.

Heabutt hits but it’s 1995 so it doesn’t get a pin or a reaction. He throws out a rana and it’s total dominance by Benoit. Tony makes this dramatic statement that the last American to hold the title was Sting. You know, the guy that held it TEN DAYS ago. Sasake basically is no selling all of Benoit’s stuff and hits a Northern Lights Bomb (Snowplow) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a weird match. For one thing, Sasake is rather pestering. I looked him up and it hit me as soon as I saw the name. He was a member of the Road Warriors in Japan. The style is very similar. Anyway, this match had no real flow. They started out pretty even and then Benoit dominated. Then Sasake just no sold stuff, hit two moves and won. Not terrible I guess, but this was just odd. Crowd hated it too.

Kevin Sullivan and the Giant say what you would expect them to say. Giant is REALLY bad on the mic at this point. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m gonna kick your butt to Kalamazoo.” WOW. Did anyone ever explain why Taskmaster (what kind of a name is that anyway?) wore red and yellow?

We recap Savage vs. Luger, which more or less boiled down to Savage didn’t trust him. For once, his paranoid delusions were right and Luger did turn heel at Halloween Havoc. Savage won there, Luger won on Nitro thanks to interference from Giant. That’s about it.

Savage says he’s going to win both matches. This took forever of course. Savage saying he’s always jittery and how that’s part of his charm is rather funny for some reason.

Randy Savage vs. Lex Luger

And remember, Savage’s arm is FINE. Hogan and Savage have both said it, so ignore the massive bandage on his arm. Savage jumps him early as you would expect him to. Apparently everyone wants to be world champion. Heenan finally asks why Savage has a BIG FREAKING BANDAGE on his arm. Tony of course ignores him. Heenan point blank asks and Tony just won’t answer.

Savage gets a messed up beyond belief Boston Crab which he used last PPV. Well it’s a new move so I can’t really complain about a guy expanding his arsenal. We hit the floor for a bit. Savage throws him in the ring, goes up and the elbow hits like two minutes in. Ok then. Hart distracts of course since he’s a great manager. Luger is tossed again and manages to put the rack on Savage on the floor.

Not sure why but he did it anyway. Savage is out cold and Luger throws him back in. An armbar on a perfectly good arm mind you, ends it. Savage just passes out so he doesn’t tap but still, he lost to an arm submission when his arm was FINE. That’s why 95 in WCW was odd: Hogan and company made no sense.

If the whole IT’S FINE thing hadn’t been said, this would make perfect sense. Naturally we can’t have that though so there we are. Post match Sting comes down when Luger won’t let go. He whispers something to him and Luger lets go. Never was explained.

Rating: F+. This was very odd. I’m not sure what the idea was here but it came off oddly. This was like 5 minutes long and made me scratch my head. Who was supposed to look good here, because Luger got his head kicked in and would have been pinned in 2 minutes and then Savage got beat completely cleanly in like 5 total minutes. What was this supposed to be again?

We recap Sting vs. Flair. More or less, Flair was getting beaten down a lot and asked Sting for help. Sting more or less said you screw me over and I’ll kill you. Not really obviously but you get the idea.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

Why Sting didn’t just stay in the ring is beyond me but whatever. Sting of course beats the tar out of Flair to start and Flair runs to another ring. Ok then. This is almost face vs. face as Flair is in Flair Country and Sting is the most popular guy in the company. Naturally Russo would spend his life trying to turn a face that big heel right? And here are Sherri and Colonel Parker for no apparent reason.

Flair tries to walk and that of course doesn’t work. Sting gets taken down twice by the hair and nips up both times. That was cool looking. Is there anything this guy can’t do? Sting goes for his diving splash to the railing and of course it doesn’t work just like it never does at all. Every time Flair chops him, Sting gets stronger. Flair of course keeps chopping him. We switch rings for like the 5th time and Flair starts in on the knee.

We show Parker and Sherri again for no apparent reason. Heenan has a weird respect for Sting. Young heels, take note of Flair. He does such simple things and they make him a great heel. For instance, he asks the referee how much time is left then throws Sting over the ropes.

Totally illegal, but so simply done that it came off as instinct from Flair. Figure Four goes on and like an idiot, Flair slaps Sting. Nick Patrick pushing Flair is always funny. Sting starts his comeback, hits a top rope suplex and the Scorpion for the submission.

Rating: B-. It’s Sting vs. Flair, making it one of the pairings that starts off with a higher grade than most matches get. These two had insanely great chemistry together and this was no exception. It’s not one of their better matches but it did what it was supposed to do as it ended the mini feud they had going on. Can’t ask for more than that.

Heenan says no one that has wrestled already tonight will win the title. Ok then.

We recap what led to this which I’ve been over already. There will be a giant in every ring: Yeti, the Giant and Hogan. Hogan as a giant just sounds weird.

Hogan says what you would expect him to say. And I mean he says it for a LONG time. This takes like 2-3 minutes when it could have taken one.

Tony and Bobby have the belt. Even though Giant won it, it still says Hulk Hogan. That’s just amusing and sad at the same time.

World War 3

Arn Anderson, Alex Wright, Brian Knobbs, Ricky Santana, David Taylor, Scott Armstrong, Sting, Joey Maggs, Pez Whatley, Disco Inferno, Meng, Stevie Ray, Mark Starr, Buddy Lee Parker, James Earl Wright, Lex Luger, Eddy Guerrero, Cobra, The Giant, Paul Orndorff, Khris Kanyon, Bobby Walker, Bobby Eaton, Chris Benoit, Randy Savage, Marcus Bagwell, The Yeti, Kurosawa, Hugh Morrus, Zodiac Man

VK Wallstreet, DDP, Scott Norton, Brian Pillman, Craig Pittman, One Man Gang, Super Assassin #1, Mr. JL, Bunkhouse Buck, Kensuke Sasaki, Mike Winner, Hawk, Shark, Steve Armstrong, David Sullivan, Scotty Riggs, Johnny B. Badd, Black Bart, Steven Regal, Dick Slater, Maxx Muscle, Super Assassin #2, Fidel Sierra, Kevin Sullivan, Jerry Saggs, Jim Duggan, Booker T, Big Bubba, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan.

If I’m right then the first twenty of that list are in one ring, next in another and the last in a third. No clue which is which but whatever. There are three teams of commentators: Tony and Bobby, Larry Zbyszko and Chris Cruise (I don’t know him either) and Dusty and Eric. Let’s get this over with as the word mess could be defined as this.

First of all there are three cameras and the screen is cut into three small shots. We’re not told which is which. Not that it matters as you CANNOT SEE A THING! Seriously, they’re so crowded and so small you can’t see anything. Once we get a ring down to ten they go to other rings until there are 30 left and they all go to one ring. That makes PERFECT sense right? Having 30 people at once in a ring couldn’t go bad could it?

Ok so Eric and Dusty have ring 2. Tony and Bobby have ring 1 and the other guys have ring 3. Got it I think. Cruise is trying but he’s annoying. Keep in mind this is all pre stuff and the match hasn’t started yet. I’m just killing time until everyone gets to the  ring. Buffer calls it the best battle royal ever. They’re going to show the 92 Rumble? Ok now he just needs to shut up so we can get through the end of this. Ah there we are. Oh wait we have to do a ton of pyro first.

Ok ring 1 is the center ring. Got it. Hogan is there. I think Sting and Luger are in ring 2 with Giant. That puts Yeti in ring 3. Hawk fights Hogan. That’s very weird when you think about it. The problem becomes clear early on: FAR too people being eliminated. We have no one gone in the first minute or so. Never mind as Yeti is gone. Everyone goes after Savage but that doesn’t work of course. Hogan and Flair are on the floor fighting.

That’s another thing they improved on later as people keep going through the ropes and under them, making it very confusing. MIKE WINNER IS OUT!!! A bunch of heels go after Hogan. Guess how well that works. This three camera thing is idiotic. Knobbs puts Mark Starr out. See what I was talking about when I said too many jobbers? Three guys are out of ring 1. Hogan gets ganged up on again and does a nice thing of punches to get out.

That was far faster than I’ve ever seen Hogan throw them. Bagwell and Kanyon are out so there are 17 left in ring 3. Stinger Splash hits someone as Black Bart is out. Anderson and Luger are fighting on the floor but they’re both in still. Benoit and Savage are fighting. That’s a good sounding feud. Imagine that in 98 or so. Another jobber is out. Giant goes off and puts like 3 or four out at once which was really badly needed.

Sting vs. Giant is a fun feud. That ring is thinning out a bit. Ring 2 in case you care. In ring 1 a guy is taken out on a stretcher. Shockingly, all of the big stars are still left. Ring 2 is being broken up as we have ten left there. They went into ring one, so ring 2 is eliminated I guess you would say. Instead of dropping us down to two cameras of course, we stay with three. Brilliant.

Benoit hammers on DDP which is another solid sounding feud. Wallstreet is out, more commonly known as IRS. Norton is gone too. That’s enough and we head into the first ring as we have approximately 30 left. Screw the rules I guess. Savage beats on DDP. It’s about 2 years away but that was a great feud. Everyone beats on Hogan with Zodiac choking him with his boot. I say choking when I mean putting his foot about a foot from Hogan’s throat.

You can see the tights between the gap. That’s pitiful. Pittman, like an idiot, puts a cross armbreaker on a guy. Pillman goes after Hogan. That’s just odd to see. 29 to go apparently. Bubba and Duggan put each other out. Dave Taylor vs. Hogan is weird to see. Luger has been on the floor for the majority of the match. That’s kind of smart. Screw the kind of part actually. It’s brilliant. Disco is out. Hogan vs. Booker T is ANOTHER weird combination.

Now why did these guys never get to fight Hogan other than in a massive mess of a match? Jerry Sags and Booker are both out. That puts us at 23 and you can see the ring FAR more clearly now. Savage and Luger fight in another ring, and when I say fight I mean do nothing of note. Regal is gone as Hogan and Giant start fighting. DDP and Badd go out together. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Pittman is out and we’re getting low on people now. Benoit is gone. 16 left. It’s mostly big names and a few midcard guys left. Kurasawa is out. He doesn’t get to sit on the throne of blood with the title I guess. Meng is out. Zodiac is gone. Sorry for just listing names off like that but there isn’t much else to say. Morrus is gone and I think that’s 10 to go. Bit more than that actually. Pillman is gone.

Hogan puts Hawk and Sasake out. That gives us ten left: Hogan, Orndoff, Gang, Luger, Savage, Giant, Sting, Guerrero, Flair and Anderson. Not bad. Orndorff remembers its’ 1995 and is tossed. The Horsemen go after Eddie but he gets out of a spike piledriver. He and Arn do a nice sequence. Naturally Eddie would do nothing for a LONG time after this. Flair gets a figure four on him for good measure. Savage tries to slam Giant but since HE ISN’T OVERLY STRONG it doesn’t work.

Eddie is out and we have 8 left. Savage is referred to as a former world champion and then chokeslammed. Hogan puts both Horsemen out, confirming that he is indeed better than you. The final six are Hogan, Savage, Luger, Sting, Gang and Giant.

Since getting rid of Anderson and Flair at once wasn’t enough, Hogan puts out Sting, Luger and Giant AT THE SAME TIME. Sweet goodness  this gets ridiculous at times. Giant pulls Hogan to the floor but no one sees it. Savage dumps Gang out to WIN THE TITLE! Sweet. Oh look Hogan is upset. You put Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, Sting, Lex Luger and The Giant out inside of 40 seconds. BE HAPPY!

Rating: F+. This was more or less a disaster. The camera work is the biggest issue here. It is AWFUL. You flat out cannot tell what is going on for the majority of this stupid match and that just doesn’t work at all. That and the ton of jobbers being in there. I mean seriously, Pez Whatley? Cut this down by 15-20 guys and it’s FAR better. Other than that though, this was awful.

Post match, Gene comes out to talk to Savage, and, and I can’t believe this, HOGAN WON’T LEAVE!!! Yes, to everyone’s shock, Hogan throws a fit about how he should be champion and how he didn’t go out and how there is a cloud over Savage’s reign. Savage more or less says he’s champion and get over it. I love that.

The fans boo the heck out of Hogan here. For some reason Hogan says that we can look at the tape tomorrow on Nitro. Why not just look at it now? I mean you’re both here so why wait for a whole day? That’s WCW for you I guess. Anyway, Savage and Hogan make up for the thousandth time and after Tony and Bobby talk for awhile, we’re out.

Overall Rating: D. This was a one match show and the one match SUCKED. Like I said, you flat out could not tell what was going on at all. It was awful. This was WCW in a nutshell: big flashy match with no substance and hope that no one notices that it sucks.

Savage winning was a nice twist though as he wasn’t really expected, but Hogan complaining was just fitting for some reason. Other than that though, the show just wasn’t that great. It’s not bad really, but there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see at all. Decent stuff, but nothing great. Take a pass on this one unless you love ridiculous gimmick matches

Halloween Havoc 1995
Date: October 29, 1995
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

So we plow on through 1995 as I want to finish this year and get to the NWO stuff. Anyway this is a rather infamous show as we have a double main event: Hogan vs. The Giant for the WCW Title and Hogan vs. The Giant in monster trucks. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. Anyway, this is a show I remember kind of fondly from when I was seven. Now I’m 22 so let’s see how bad it really is. Also on here we have Sting and a freshly face Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman, and we know that can’t go wrong at all right?

Also on the preshow, Paul Orndorff beat Renegade, the previously unstoppable machine, in about 80 seconds. Also we had three guys that had just recently signed with the company: Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Sadly enough this show is only 15 years ago and of the five men mentioned in this paragraph, Orndorff and Malenko are still alive. Eddie died of heart failure despite being in great shape, Renegade and Benoit killed themselves, and Orndorff is so injured he can barely move. Wow indeed.

WCW really was hilarious with how overblown their Halloween stuff was. It’s pure camp and it’s hilarious. So Hogan has gone to the dark side, shaving his facial hair and wearing all black. Yeah whatever. Remember we’re still about 8 months from the NWO at this point. Hey a big arena is actually full! I’m stunned too. Oh I forgot: the truck think is on the roof of the building next door.

BREAKING NEWS!

Flying Brian and Arn Anderson have apparently beaten up Ric Flair. That’s just amusing.

Tony wants to know why Heenan has been eating sushi. That’s actually foreshadowing.

We recap Johnny B. Badd and DDP. So if you remember the last show, Badd won a title shot against Sting. We have the match, but Badd is nowhere to be seen. Brian got the shot instead but lost. Badd showed up at the end of the show and says he had a flat tire. Gene says he could have called. Just whip out your cell phone the size of a brick and call Johnny. DDP showed up and said that he should have gotten the shot. His bodyguard says it must suck to have four flat tires. Johnny realizes something is up because he only said it was one flat tire so he punched Page. It was never explained WHY DDP would have messed with Johnny’s car but whatever.

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Johnny B. Badd

Apparently Sting isn’t here yet so he doesn’t know what happened to Flair. Seriously, how do these people get away with being late to work all the time??? This is being written about two hours after Lockdown went off and Bischoff got to the arena at like 1030. HOW DOES HE HAVE A JOB??? Can you imagine if you showed up to work on a huge day two and a half hours late minimum?

A fake Johnny B. Badd comes out but the real one comes through the crowd to jump him. Tony says this started with a bang. That’s just amusing given what Page would become. Ok hang on a second. Earlier on we saw the two monster trucks dueling a bit. Apparently that was Hogan and Giant driving. So they just get together and ram trucks together? Also note that they were already welded together. Keep that in mind.

In a funny spot, Patrick asks Badd if he pulled DDP’s hair. Badd replies by shouting YOU MEAN LIKE THIS and pulls DDP’s hair. That’s just amusing. Heenan says everyone has been talking about the PPV, even the pilot on his plane. WOW. Tony says DDP likes controlling his matches. Wow I thought he liked getting his teeth kicked in. You can’t buy commentary like this.

And we hit the chinlock. Maxx Muscle slaps the mat while the fans are chanting for Badd. Yeah Page had a tendency to have stupid managers. We do some more stuff and hit another chinlock. At least there’s a theme to this match. Just to be clear: Bobby Heenan will NOT be managing the Detroit Tigers. Ok then.

After Badd makes another comeback, he throws Page to the floor with no explanation for the lack of a DQ other than that’s not the planned finish. He even busts out what would become the basis for the 619. Maxx Muscle interferes but screws up and the big punch ends this.

Rating: C. This was one of those matches that was just kind of there. It’s not particularly good or bad but rather just long. It’s not terrible by any means but it just happened. Badd vs. DDP would be a feud for a good while until he got fired/left for WWF as Marc Mero.

We talk about the monster truck thing to kill time.

Randy Savage vs. Zodiac

Zodiac has what would become Rey’s music soon. It’s Brutus Beefcake being able to only say yes or no. Yeah it didn’t work. I’m stunned too. Ok so apparently Luger and Savage have to win their matches earlier in the night to get a match with each other tonight. If just one wins then…nothing happens I guess. Well ok then. I love that rock version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Savage jumps him early and is dominating. A fan runs into the ring and stays in there for like 20 seconds with the referee just owning him. Security gets rid of him as Savage wins with the elbow in less than two minutes. This was supposed to be Kamala but he left the company. No one else noticed. Total squash so no rating.

Badd says that he believed he could do this and he did it. This is supposed to be emotional or something but it just isn’t. Gene mentions singing Tutti Frutti in a bar. It’s far funnier than it sounds.

Kurasawa vs. Hawk

This was an odd choice. On Clash of the Champions, Kurasawa broke Hawk’s arm and this is the rematch. No one got this feud or why Hawk was wrestling singles matches or who in the heck Kurasawa was other than a good movie makes. Hawk jumps him like you would expect him to as we get going. Hawk gets his one wrestling move, the neckbreaker.

Crowd is into Hawk if nothing else. He even busts out a powerbomb and a gutwrench suplex. Total dominance here. Parker interferes so Kurasawa can take over. He misses a top rope elbow and Hawk takes over again. He was in trouble for MAYBE 4 seconds. Big old clothesline puts the heel on the floor.

On the floor Hawk is rammed into the post, taken into the ring, Kurasawa hits two Samoan Drops and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. I have been reviewing shows for over a year now and I have NEVER seen a match that made less sense. This was never mentioned again. Hawk destroyed him until that ending. No sense at all.

Rating: WTF. I have nothing else to say for that. Hawk looked like he was beating up a jobber and he loses? No rating again but dude, what the heck were they thinking here? Why did Hawk have a singles match here anyway? WCW continues to boggle the mind.

Savage says he’s going to make sure Luger wins. But let’s talk about Hogan instead.

Mr. JL vs. Sabu

JL is short for Jerry Lynn in case you didn’t know that. And yes, it’s the same Sabu. The reason he’s here is he’s the Sheik’s nephew and Sheik was the king of Detroit back in the day. Lynn is in a mask here. WOW it’s weird hearing Sabu being talked about by Tony. Also that sounds like La Parka’s future music but I’m not sure. Both guys are in purple which is odd to see. They do all kinds of flying around ringside with Sabu doing all kinds of crazy dives etc.

We even get a Bobo Brazil reference to make this even more off the wall. This is pretty good for today’s standards despite being sloppy, but for 1995 this was INSANE. I mean remember, WWF was running stuff like Mabel vs. Taker at this time so having Lynn vs. Sabu on a major PPV was ridiculous.

Sabu wins it with a moonsault and Sheik throws a fireball at Lynn and hits him in the mask. Ok then. Heenan freaks over this and wants to know how to do that. Don’t ask Hogan. He tried it once and it didn’t work at all.

Rating: B+. Somewhat above average match, but considering the timeframe, this was insanity. Rey was nearly a year away from changing the whole idea of what cruiserweight wrestling was, but everyone knew this kind of stuff rocked. Sabu can be passable when he’s not trying to do a garbage match, and this is an example of that.

We talk about Hogan/Giant for a bit and go to the Master’s Lair to hear from him and Taskmaster. I would ask how we get a camera and electricity in there, but it doesn’t need to be asked. Why is that you ask? BECAUSE THE LAIR IS IN THE ARENA. Ok, let’s think for a minute. We have Kevin Sullivan and his master, an old man, standing in the arena with no apparent protection. Is there a reason why Hogan isn’t out there bashing their heads in with a chair?

I mean, I get that his friends are all busy, but can’t he fight off an old man and Kevin Sullivan on his own? This is something that I mean when I say idiotic storylines that go beyond suspension of disbelief. I have no idea what Master is saying here. Something about an eclipse or something. I wonder if he looks like that at the airport. Oh we get a mention of the Yeti. We’ll get to that one later. And now let’s talk about the trucks. The fans are booing the heck out of this. Let’s end this now.

Lex Luger vs. Meng

So if Luger wins here, he gets Savage later. Ok then. The fans pelt Sullivan with garbage. I knew I always liked Detroit. During Luger’s entrance we get a HILARIOUS sight joke that if you know your history is great. There’s a graveyard set due to Halloween and one of the graves says Crockett. If you get that joke, it’s hilarious. If not, it means nothing at all. Meng gets his head rams into the buckle and….it works? Come on man, learn your stereotypes!

Luger was rocking the mullet at this point which is just amusing. Meng busts out a small freaking package of all things. Well that was unexpected. Luger works on the right arm. Wow that’s weird to type. I know the common complaint about guys like Cena is they only know five moves, but I think Luger might break that. He might only know four: punch, clothesline, slam, rack. Oh wait: he uses an atomic drop. Dang I thought I had him there.

Meng is a weird case as he was someone that they seemed ready to push for like 3 and a half years but they never pulled the trigger on. Odd as he could have been perfect for a quick heel run near the title. Not saying he should have gotten it or anything, but a run against a top face was certainly within the question. Oh yeah: the NWO happened. He hits a chinlock, which is better than the nerve hold I guess.

Apparently the Dungeon of Doom is recruiting Luger. Yeah I don’t remember it either. We talk about Heenan talking to Sonny Onoo. That’s more foreshadowing for Starrcade which was a very interesting show. We’ll get to that soon. Meng gets his Golden Spike and Sullivan runs in and kicks Luger to give him the win. Ok then. Apparently it’s a method of getting Luger to fight Savage. Ok then. Yeah it’s odd but it kind of makes sense in a way.

Rating: D+. Again, it’s long but not very good. Also the ending was just rather annoying. Not particularly bad, but it’s just there. Luger was boring as always, but this needed to lose about 4 minutes and it makes it FAR better. This wasn’t that interesting but it certainly was long.

Gene is with the Giant. He literally doesn’t make it up to his shoulder. That’s just amusing. Giant taking the mic and Gene’s hand with it is funny stuff as Gene tries in vain to get out of his grip. Giant is pretty funny here as he’s like 23 years old and about 100lbs lighter than he is today.

Arn Anderson/Brian Pillman vs. Sting/Ric Flair

So basically before Fall Brawl, Anderson and Flair had been fighting. Pillman gave Andersont he win by kicking Flair in the head. The next night on Nitro they had a rematch in a cage and Anderson and Pillman beat him down. Flair got Sting to help him, but Flair got jumped before the show so it’s a handicap match to start. Sting is US Champion here if that means anything to anyone at all.

Sting of course saw nothing wrong with this plan at all. The fans want Flair. Sting does a great job of fighting on his own for awhile but after about five minutes here comes Flair! He’s in street clothes and the fans like him. There’s a massive bandage over his head and Sting is in trouble now. The heels go old school and bust out a Rocket Launcher. Again, a few people will actually get that.

The idea here is that Sting can’t make the tag no matter how hard he tries. We get a stupid spot where Pillman gets a half crab. Ok, that’s fine. Pillman is pulling back on the leg to apply pressure right? Anderson reaches out his hand for extra pressure. One thing: Arn is pulling the opposite way. Wouldn’t that, like, take pressure off of Sting? Flair runs in for a save and gets a HUGE pop.

One thing though: he never actually gets a shot in on either heel. That doesn’t mean anything….does it? Sting is screaming for the NATURE BOY! Does Sting want to ride Space Mountain? This is fifteen years ago and Flair still has a bad looking chest. That’s amazing. Sting FINALLY makes the tag and the place erupts. Wait for it. Wait for it. FLAIR DRILLS STING! Sting snaps but he gets beaten down. Flair is of course fine as Gene waits on the ramp for Flair.

The two not named Flair hold up four fingers and Flair reforms the Horsemen. A guy named Benoit would be added soon. Pillman would be gone by about April though and they would replace him with Mongo a few months later. And we couldn’t get those four vs. Sting, Luger, Savage and Hogan in WarGames…why? Yes I know why but I like complaining.

Rating: B. This is ALL angle and while it’s predictable, it’s classic Horsemen. This was the right move to make as it all came off as a great angle and the whole thing worked very well I think. This is a lot based in taste for me so don’t go looking for a great match here.

I love the Horsemen and their shenanigans as this was a great throwback to the 80s with the group beatdown. Pillman never quite fit but Benoit certainly did so there we are. Also it’s funny seeing Sting get beaten down due to being an idiot. Sting vs. these two is hardly bad either.

Luger wants Savage.

We recap Hogan vs. the Dungeon. Basically it’s your standard Hogan vs. Monster and Giant hurts Hogan’s neck. They shaved his mustache and he started wearing black. This naturally started up a war of monster trucks. You see the connection don’t you? I mean it’s clear as day isn’t it? And then on Monday we did something that I don’t want to talk about for as long as I can so we’ll spare it for later.

We come back to the announcers’ table and Bischoff has replaced Tony since Tony had to go play with his hamster I guess. We talk to the guy that made the truck. Yeah no one cares. Apparently the truck weighs 11,000 pounds with 6 foot tall tires.

We go to the roof and a few things to note. First of all, Hogan stands about 7’8 apparently as he TOWERS over those “six foot tall” tires. Second, the rules are you have to get both sets of axels out of the ring, which is 100ft in diameter. Ok, fair enough. Third, we’re going to weld the trucks together. Pay no attention to the fact that they were welded together earlier (this was taped the night before but that isn’t mentioned).

Also for no apparent reason, in this ring we have two charges that will go off if you run over them. Yes, allegedly, on the roof of a building, there are BOMBS that will go off if a truck runs over them. The idiocy here is off the charts. Let’s get this over with.

First of all, we waste a few minutes welding the trucks together. Allegedly these trucks run on alcohol. So wait. There are BOMBS, as in EXPLODING FIRE, near alcohol based fuel? And this company made money??? Again, someone was PAID to make this up. That’s sad.

Oh and they have co-pilots so they’re only driving one set of axels. Hogan gets put halfway out but makes the save. Hogan’s truck has a flag kind of thing that is supposed to be the bandana I guess. One of the bombs goes off and my head hurts. Ah I think I know why Tony left: he has integrity. And Hogan wins of course. Somehow, the idiocy is just beginning.

Giant gets out of his truck and goes after Hogan, and the champ goes back towards the edge of the building. They fight some more up on the ledge and Hogan accidentally knocks Giant OFF THE ROOF. Yes, this was on a major Pay Per View broadcast by a major wrestling company. Hogan’s acting here makes Mr. Nanny look like De Niro. The monster truck dude has to sit here and not break up laughing. That’s just awesome.

And after the apparent death of a wrestler, let’s have a match!

Lex Luger vs. Randy Savage

Man it’s a lucky thing they won their matches and that this is all they had left other than the main event isn’t it? And thus begins a grand WCW tradition of “we’re going to talk about something else entirely while this match is going on.”

Tony: For a minute let’s talk about this match. They make it about 8 seconds. This will apparently be on the front page of every newspaper in the world tomorrow. After some uninteresting wrestling, Jimmy Hart comes down for no adequately explored reason and Luger gets run into him. Elbow ends it.

Rating: F+. This was like 5 minutes long and I don’t remember any of it. That’s never a good sign. Just a total filler here as was the majority of the rest of WCW’s upper midcard around this time. There was this big mystery angle and all that jazz and it never went anywhere.

Heenan wants to know what’s going on and he leaves to go find out. We recap, as in reshow, the Hogan/Giant thing. Tony tries to keep from cracking up despite of Heenan’s overacting.

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

They introduce Giant first but Hogan comes out instead, all in black and sans facial hair. Wow that’s odd to see. Was Hart being Hogan’s BFF ever explained? Giant of course walks out with no explanation at all. In what might be the funniest thing that I have EVER seen in wrestling, the camera shoots back to Hogan just in time for him to turn to the camera and blankly stare while his mouth hangs open in awe.

I laughed out loud for a LONG time. I mean the timing was better than you could have planned if you tried forever. This was hilarious stuff to say the least. Heenan sounds orgasmic over this. His hatred of Hogan stayed forever if nothing else. Hogan has black horns painted on his head. Uh….deep?

He can’t slam him though. Oh and Giant is allegedly Andre’s son. Heenan: Eat Hogan like you would eat villagers! Ok then. Giant hooks a test of strength once Hogan is on his knees already. You know that might be more effective if your muscles were flexing or if you had ANY torque on them.

Heenan says he’s never seen Hogan wrestle in anything other than yellow and red. Odd that he’s seemingly managed against him in blue or white tights but what do I know? Giant is destroying him here. Hogan makes a comeback to some SOLID face pops and knocks Giant to the floor. Taskmaster tries to get Giant to leave but Hogan, like an idiot, stops him. Giant gets a SWEET backbreaker. Hogan was WAY in the air for that and it looked awesome.

Heenan points out how stupid Giant is for not going for Hogan’s bad neck. Give the guy a break Bobby. I mean he just fell off the freaking roof! The bear hug goes on and Tony cracks me up by making it sound like it’s perfectly normal to come back after falling off a roof. Even in kayfabe this is ridiculous. With the paint knocked off Hogan’s head it looks like there’s a Triforce on it. And back to the bear hug. He powers out but walks into the chokeslam. He powers out of that too.

He Hulks Up and the usual puts Giant down, but the referee goes down too. The fans say Jimmy did it. Just to add to the stupidity of this match, when Hogan is yelling at Hart, you can see Giant stick his head up three separate times to see what’s going on. Even playing devil’s advocate and saying he’s playing possum, you don’t have a 7’ monster playing peek-a-boo!

Anyway, Jimmy hits Hogan with the belt but Giant saves him. And it’s bear hug time again. Luger and Savage come out. Luger of course turns heel and….here it comes. This is the thing I didn’t want to talk about all night. On the previous Nitro, the Master had said he had a surprise. At the end of the show, a random block of ice blew up and a mummy came out of it. Yes, I said a mummy.

They called him a Yeti, but he’s a large man wrapped in bandages and tape. What the heck would you call him? With Giant having him in a bear hug, Yeti comes up behind Hogan and more or less dry humps him without actually hurting him at all. It’s Reese from the Flock if you care who is under there.

Luger puts Hogan in the rack to something resembling a pop. They dry hump Savage and rack him too. Giant wins by DQ because he was Hogan’s manager when he hit the referee. They announce that the title can’t change hands on DQ.

OR CAN IT?

Yeah in this match, Hart slipped a clause in, stating that the title CAN change hands on a DQ, so the Giant is the champion. They would strip him of the title in like two weeks and put it up in the inaugural World War Three Battle Royal, which is complete nonsense as Hogan lost the title via a stipulation in a contract he signed without reading. That’s not Giant’s fault but whatever. Hogan and Savage are helped out to end the show. Heenan crying from happiness is funny.

Rating: D. This was a Hogan match with a big angle to end it and nothing more. Giant wasn’t capable of doing much here as he was just a 23 year old kid that had like 5 matches under his belt but he was 7’0 tall, athletic and could talk. I’d push him hard like that too.

Anyway, this wasn’t that good but it was Hogan fighting a monster which was what he was best at so I can’t fault them there. A bit long with FAR too many bear hugs but to be fair Giant had no experience and no real style set yet. He would get a lot better. Yeah this was his WCW debut. I’d say this was fine given the circumstances then.

Overall Rating: F+. Uh…yeah. This show sucked and it sucked bad. The highlight of the show is EASILY the Horsemen thing. Outside of that it’s a bunch of WTF moments with bad wrestling mixed in. This just didn’t work at all and it came off really badly. The whole thing was about Hogan and Giant, which is fine, but the roof thing wound up going nowhere.

It wasn’t mentioned at all in the last 20 minutes of the show and it was never explained at all. In short, it wasn’t needed at all. Just a lot of stuff here that made no sense at all and it didn’t work. Bad show, but a ton of moments that are considered classic bad ones here.