Time for a soothsaying hog farmer: Dennis Knight.
Knight is of course more famous as Phineas Godwinn but he started as Tex Slazenger in 1988. After a run in Memphis as a slasher villain character who was eventually lit on fire, we’ll pick things up with Slazenger in WCW as Shanghai Pierce’s (Henry Godwinn) partner. From Starrcade 1993.
Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne vs. Tex Slazenger/Shanghai Pierce
Payne is a grunge rocker while Slazenger and Pierce are big Texans with Pierce wearing a mask. They would wind up in the WWF as the Godwinns if you remember them. Cactus is fresh off a world title feud with Vader and is one of the hottest stars in the company. Payne and Shanghai get things going and collide in the middle of the ring, sending both guys staggering back a bit. Pierce takes him down with a running shoulder block and let’s stop to look at each other.
Maxx slams him down, causing Shanghai to bring in Tex. Jack gets the tag as well and they stare at each other a bit more. Cactus takes him into the corner but walks into a right hand to slow him down again. A boot to Tex’s head puts him down again and it’s back to Payne. Maxx hits a BIG clothesline to take Slazenger down as the match continues plodding along. Tex charges out of the corner and hits a kind of bulldog to take Maxx down. Off to Shanghai who is immediately caught in a belly to back suplex for no cover.
Back to Cactus who pounds Pierce down before charging into the heel corner. Everything breaks down and the Cactus Clothesline puts Jack and Pierce on the floor again. Slazenger goes over the top to the floor as well, so Payne backdrops the 300lb Jack over the top onto Tex. Back in the ring and Maxx puts on the Payne Killer armbar but Tex makes the save. A double clothesline puts the Texans down and it’s back to Cactus. He ducks a Pierce clothesline which winds up hitting Tex, allowing Cactus to hit his double arm DDT on Pierce for the pin.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible and it was a step above the other tag match, but man alive this show isn’t doing anything well right now. These four guys are all big and mostly slow, which made for a dull and slow match here. Cactus was insanely popular though and kept the crowd interested in the match for the most part.
Here’s a rare singles match for Slazenger at Clash of the Champions XXVII.
Guardian Angel vs. Tex Slazenger
Slazenger would eventually become Phineas Godwinn in the WWF. Angel allows Tex three shots (strikes) for free before erupting on him and hitting the former Boss Man Slam (side slam) for the pin in just over a minute.
It’s off to the WWF for both Slazenger and Pierce as the Godwinns. Here they are with a Tag Team Title shot at In Your House VII.
Tag Titles: Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Legion of Doom
The titles are vacant coming in and this is under elimination rules with the last team surviving being the new champions. The Headbangers, comprised of Mosh and Thrasher, are a rather odd team to say the least. They’re obsessed with heavy metal music, pierced in various places and wrestle in skirts. The Godwinns are now evil and look more like something out of Deliverance. Since Bulldog and Owen already got to speak, we get comments from all of the other teams, basically saying they’re going to win. The LOD specifically wants to get their hands on the Godwinns.
Thrasher and Henry get things going with the Godwinn pounding away on the Headbanger’s back. In an interesting move, Thrasher tags in Phineas to give us the battle of the Godwinns. Henry wants none of that and tags in Mosh to keep things dull. Mosh grabs an armbar until Thrasher comes in with a middle rope clothesline. Thrasher tags in Animal who blasts Phineas out to the floor, giving us another lull in the match.
Back in and Animal throws Henry to the floor before punching him back off the apron. Owen and the Bulldog haven’t been a factor at all yet. Henry comes back in and tags Mosh who is clotheslined down by the now legal Hawk. Bulldog doesn’t want a tag from Hawk so Hawk punches him in the jaw for a tag. Mosh tags out to Phineas as this match is painfully uninteresting so far. Bulldog cranks on the arm before bringing in Owen, only to have him whipped into the Godwinn corner.
Henry gorilla presses Owen to a big reaction and the slam gets two. Hart comes back with an enziguri for two and tags out to Animal. Henry low bridges Animal out to the floor but the fans still don’t react at all. Hawk plays cheerleader from the apron and finally wakes the people up a bit but Henry runs Animal over again. Animal blocks a middle rope splash with a boot though, allowing for the hot tag to Hawk. Everything breaks down but Henry breaks up the Doomsday Device. The Godwinns bring in the slop bucket but Animal takes it away and blasts both of them with it, drawing a DQ and an elimination.
So we’re down to three teams now, with none of them doing anything at all for the crowd. Mosh comes in to beat up Henry and a moonsault gets two. Henry is sent to the floor but low bridges Mosh to the floor as well. Off to Phineas for an elbow drop and a double backdrop as the match just keeps going. They try the backdrop again but Mosh sunset flips Phineas for a quick pin, leaving us with the Headbangers vs. Owen/Bulldog.
Owen comes in immediately to pound away on Thrasher and the fans chant USA. Off to Bulldog for a back elbow and a suplex for two. Owen comes back in (minus a tag) with a missile dropkick for two on Thrasher but Hart gets caught by a cross body for two. Hart hits a quick neckbreaker as the USA chants continue. Back to Bulldog for what I think was supposed to be a double clothesline between he and Thrasher, but Thrasher was never touched. That looked horrible but it set up the hot tag to Mosh.
Things speed up but Owen pulls Mosh to the floor, only to have his spinwheel kick take Bulldog down by mistake. The Headbangers load up their powerbomb/guillotine legdrop combo but Bulldog crotches Mosh. Cue Austin with a Stunner to the Bulldog though, giving the Headbangers the pin and the titles.
Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness this was dull. I get that they had to have the two final teams in there, but man alive there had to be a better way to get there than what they went with. The tag team division was such a mess at this point and it was almost impossible to get interested in what was going on around the belts. Putting Austin in the title scene helped in the short term, but it didn’t do anything to help the major problems the titles were having.
Another title shot at Summerslam 1996.
Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns
The heel Gunns are defending and this is under elimination rules. The New Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and the Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Pritchard). Skip is in a neck brace here due to a potentially broken neck but he’s wrestling anyway. The Gunns have Sunny who looks GREAT as a cowgirl. Billy Gunn starts with Henry Godwinn with Hank throwing Billy around with ease.
A wheelbarrow slam sends Billy out to the floor and it’s off to Phineas vs. Zip. After a comedic feeling out process it’s off to both Gunns at the same time. Zip and Phineas strut across the ring for no apparent reason as the Gunns freak out about having to fight each other. The referee says either make contact or be disqualified. After no contact, Bart tags in Zip so the crowd can have something else to be bored by. Jannetty trips Zip and Billy gets an easy pin so the Bodydonnas don’t have to be out there long.
Henry comes back in to crank on Billy’s arm but Billy quickly tags out to Jannetty. Marty slowly pounds on Henry and plays to the comatose crowd. Leif gets the tag but quickly brings in Billy to work over Henry. The Rockers have a miscue with the Gunns and Henry gets two off a side slam on Billy. Marty’s save results in an elbow drop on Billy as everything breaks down. Henry kicks Marty into Leif and hits the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Cassidy for the elimination.
We’re down to the Godwinns vs. the champions and it’s Bart in for the first time. Henry explodes out of the corner with a clothesline to put both guys down. Bart breaks up a tag attempt as this match is dragging terribly. Billy comes in and the place is so silent you can hear the insults between the wrestlers.
Back to Bart to pound away on Henry for a few moments before bringing Billy back in. Henry catches a charging Billy in a World’s strongest Slam and there’s the lukewarm tag to Phineas. He cleans house and everything breaks down with Phineas hitting the Slop Drop on Billy, only to have Bart blast Phineas from the top for the pin to retain.
Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.
Here are the Godwinns against a bigger and stronger team on Raw, January 27, 1997.
Vader/Mankind vs. Godwinns
Mankind and Phineas start things off as we hear about Royal Rumble Raw next week, which will be the Rumble airing on Raw. It’s quickly off to Henry who wins a slugout with Mankind. Mankind is knocked into the corner but would rather rock back and forth than tag Vader. After a quick skirmish on the floor it’s time for Vader vs. Phineas. Vader easily knocks him into the corner and goes NUTS, pounding Phineas down into the corner.
Mankind comes back in for the Mandible Claw but Henry clotheslines them both out to the floor to break it up. Henry is pulled over the top and out to the floor to start a big brawl as we take a break. Back with Phineas missing a charge at Mankind before a double tag brings in Henry to pound on Vader. Henry actually slams Vader down but gets punched in the face a few seconds later. They head to the floor with Mankind swinging a chair and hitting Vader by mistake, earning the Godwinns a countout win.
Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse and Henry looked great in the brawls with Vader. The Godwinns were one of the few regular tag teams around at this point but their time was already over. It looks like we’re heading towards Vader vs. Mankind which is odd given that Vader is already in the world title scene at this time.
The now heel Godwinns’ had a big feud with the Legion of Doom, including this match at Summerslam 1997.
Godwinns vs. Legion of Doom
The Godwinns are in Deliverance mode at this point and the LOD are done with the war against the Hart Foundation and in need of a good feud. Unfortunately there wasn’t a good team for them to feud with so we’re stuck with the Godwinns. Henry had his neck broken in a Doomsday Device months ago, prompting an attack on the LOD. The LOD has sworn revenge to set this up.
The LOD are actually referred to as Road Warriors here which is rare for the WWF. LOD cleans house to start, sending the Godwinns to the floor with Hawk hitting a clothesline off the apron. We get started with Phineas vs. Animal with the latter missing a charge into the corner, allowing the hog dudes to double team him. Animal comes back with a double clothesline of his own to send the Godwinns to the floor.
Off to Henry vs. Hawk with Henry trying to hurt Hawk’s neck as a receipt. Hawk sends him into the steps before dropping some legs for two back inside. Back to Phineas for a hangman’s choke on Hawk to no avail. Animal comes back in to work Henry’s arm before a Cactus clothesline from Animal puts both guys on the floor. Henry knocks Animal into the barricade as they come back in to shift momentum. Lou Albano is in the front row.
Back in and Phineas puts Animal in a bearhug as the crowd gets hot all over again. As the hold continues, Lawler talks about Blue Ball, Arkansas. I really don’t have a joke there but you have to mention that name. Animal breaks free but Henry breaks up the hot tag attempt. Phineas goes up but jumps into a clothesline and now we get the hot tag off to Hawk. House is cleaned as everything breaks down but Phineas breaks up the Doomsday Device on Henry. Not that it matters as the LOD hit a spike piledriver on a guy recovering from a broken neck for the pin.
Rating: D+. This was supposed to be about revenge but the match never acted like that at all. The Godwinns were horrible as heels and this was a very dull match as a result. LOD still had a little bit in the tank here but they were going to explode in the next few months but almost no one cared.
Somehow they would get a title shot at In Your House XVIII.
Tag Titles: Godwinns vs. Headbangers
The Headbangers are still champions after winning them last month. The Godwinns now have their Uncle Cletus (wrestler Tony Anthony, most famous as the Dirty White Boy) as a manager. It’s a brawl to start with the champions sending the hog farmers out to the floor. We start with Mosh vs. Phineas after a quick spitting contest. Phineas gets sent back to the floor very quickly, allowing Thrasher to hit something the camera doesn’t find important enough to show us. Apparently it was a springboard clothesline to the apron. Good to know.
Back in and we get some miscommunication, as the Headbangers try a double flapjack but Phineas drops his head down like a backdrop, nearly breaking his neck in the process. Things slow down again until we get Thrasher vs. Henry and a rollup gets two for the champion. Henry bails to the floor as the match stalls even more. Back to Phineas who is taken down, allowing Mosh to suplex Thrasher down onto Phineas for two. A middle rope clothesline from Thrasher puts Phineas down again, but Henry scores with a clothesline of his own to give the Godwinns control.
Thrasher gets crotched on the top rope and clotheslined to the floor again with Phineas coming in for more stomping. Lawler tries some lame redneck jokes to save this boring match but even his corny one liners have no effect. A bunch of knee drops get two for Phineas but Thrasher comes back with a sunset flip, only to have Henry distract the referee.
Phineas hits a wheelbarrow slam for another near fall on Thrasher but a splash in the corner only hits buckle. The hot tag brings in Mosh to clean house, including powerbombing Thrasher onto Phineas for two. Everything breaks down and Mosh’s top rope seated senton is caught in a sloppy powerbomb by Phineas for the pin and the titles.
Rating: D-. Not only was this sloppy, but it was really dull stuff. The tag team division is just horrific at this point with nothing interesting and random title changes like this one that don’t help anything. Really boring match here with WAY too much stalling and nothing special in the ring at all.
The unofficial rematch took place at Survivor Series 1997.
Team New Age Outlaws vs. Team Headbangers
New Age Outlaws, Godwinns
Headbangers, New Blackjacks
The Outlaws I’m sure you know, the Godwinns are evil here and are Henry and Phineas, the Headbangers are Mosh and Thrasher, and the Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw. Windham (looking FAT here) starts with Phineas, the latter of which is immediately knocked to the floor with a shoulder block. This is when the Outlaws are a new team of jobbers who would soon shock the world and win the titles from the LOD.
Off to Bradshaw who looks skinny here by comparison to what he would become. Phineas gets a boot up in the corner as the evil ones take over. The Outlaws don’t want to come in so it’s off to Henry instead. Bradshaw gets two off a legsweep and puts on an abdominal stretch before falling back and rolling up Henry for the pin. Back to Windham to face Phineas, with Barry hitting a gutwrench suplex and a lariat for two. Phineas comes back with a clothesline of his own for the elimination and to tie it up at three.
Mosh comes in to take over on Phineas with a devastating armbar. It’s off to Billy who beats down Mosh and receives homophobic chants in his general nature. Or maybe it’s something in French. We get down to some basic wrestling and the fans go SILENT. Mosh tries a bulldog but Billy shoves him off and gets the pin for a quick elimination. It’s Thrasher/Bradshaw vs. Phineas/Outlaws.
Thrasher (trivia for you: Thrasher had a big hand in training Big Show) comes in and works on the arm but Phineas takes him down in return. The action in this match is really dull so far. Thrasher goes up and hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin to make it 2-2. Off to Bradshaw vs. Road Dogg with the future JBL pounding away. A gutwrench powerbomb puts Dogg down but a Billy distraction lets Roadie get a school boy to pin Bradshaw.
Thrasher pounds on Dogg but walks into a pumphandle slam. He counters into a cover on the Dogg, but Billy comes off the top with a legdrop. Now when I say legdrop, I mean he literally is a foot away from Thrasher but gets the pin anyway. This looked so bad that even though I had seen it before, it still made my jaw drop. The Outlaws survive.
Rating: F-. The ending alone makes this a failure, but on top of that, the best worker in this match by far was Thrasher. Let that sink in for a minute. The Outlaws had only been the Outlaws for a month and a half or so at this point so no one cared about them, the Godwinns are as interesting as corporate accounting, the Blackjacks are the Blackjacks, and the Headbangers are barely interesting at all. This was a horrible match and an even worse choice for an opener.
The dull continues at In Your House XX.
Godwinns vs. Quebecers
The Quebecers (Jacques and Pierre) were a glorified comedy tag team from 1993 who came back for a few weeks in 1998. No one is really sure why as they were nothing special and a very random team to bring back. It didn’t help that they lost their signature Mountie outfits and are now just generic guys. Henry and Jacques get us going with the fans booing both heel teams. After a minute of stalling it’s Henry grabbing a headlock but Jacques suplexes him down.
Off to Pierre to trade some wristlocks until Henry grabs an armbar. Back to Jacques who gets clotheslined down and screams a lot during a wristlock. This match is already boring and it doesn’t help after the fans haven’t been interested in anything tonight. The Godwinns double team Jacques as Lawler implies he wants Bill Clinton shot. Jacques gets a quick two off a sunset flip to Phineas but it’s back to Henry to keep control with a chinlock.
Phineas comes in to headbutt Jacques in the ribs but Jacques comes back with an elbow to the jaw. The ice cold tag brings in Pierre as things break down. A bad looking piledriver puts Phineas down and the Cannonball (assisted top rope flip splash from Pierre) gets two with Henry making the save. Not that it matters as Henry clotheslines Pierre from the apron to give Phineas the pin.
Rating: D-. It was long, it was boring, and the fans didn’t react to anything in the entire match. I’m not sure why the Quebecers were hired again but it never worked for the most part. The tag division still isn’t great from top to bottom but the Outlaws have definitely helped things out a lot.
The Godwinns would become Jeff Jarrett’s lackeys and start calling themselves Southern Justice. Here they are on Raw, September 28, 1998.
Tag Titles: Southern Justice vs. New Age Outlaws
The Outlaws are just ridiculously over. Jerry says that he’s not going to talk about an alleged incident with Jim Carrey on the set of Man on the Moon which of course is kayfabe. Canterburry vs. Gunn to start things off and a flapjack gets two on Billy. Knight comes in to double team but it doesn’t last long. Now he comes in legally but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Off to Roadie for the shaky knee but Canterburry hits a knee to the back and a clothesline to take over. Back to Billy who cleans house and hits the Fameasser but Jarrett comes in with the guitar. Roadie steals it and hits Knight with it for the short DQ.
Phineas would join the Ministry of Darkness as Mideon, a freaky soothsayer. Here they arein a six man tag at In Your House XXVIII.
Brood vs. Ministry of Darkness
The Brood used to be part of the Ministry but got kicked out after Christian accidentally gave up the location of Stephanie McMahon, Vince’s daughter who had been kidnapped by Undertaker. It’s Mideon and the Acolytes (Faarooq and Bradshaw) for the Ministry here. Christian and Mideon get things going with Mideon pounding Christian some heavy right hands, only to be taken down by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Off to Gangrel to crank on the arm until Mideon tags in Bradshaw.
The big man kicks Gangrel’s head off but charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Gangrel to hit a middle rope elbow to the jaw. The Brood starts double teaming to take Bradshaw down with Gangrel and Edge double suplexing him down. Bradshaw stumbles over to the corner for a tag to Faarooq who is dropkicked into a crucifix for two. Edge spinwheel kicks Faarooq down for no cover before walking into a spinebuster to change the momentum.
Back to Mideon who gets two off a suplex before Bradshaw comes in to pound away. Gangrel tries to come in for a save but Bradshaw goes after the entire Brood, allowing Faarooq to pound away on Gangrel behind the referee’s back. Faarooq hooks the chinlock for a bit before it’s back to Faarooq for a headbutt to the ribs. Edge fights back on the legal Mideon before hitting a middle rope spear, allowing for the hot tag off to Christian.
Things speed up quite a bit with Christian and Gangrel backdropping Mideon down as everything breaks down. Christian’s Impaler DDT gets two on Bradshaw and he pounds away in the corner, only to have the tar powerbombed out of him for two. Edge’s missile dropkick puts Bradshaw down for two but Viscera sneaks in to crush Christian, setting up Bradshaw’s big clothesline for the pin.
Rating: C. This was fine though cutting out a minute or so would have helped it. The Brood would get a lot better once they dropped Gangrel and became a goofy tag team, which wound up being the solution the entire time. This was a fun match though and the ending worked well. Take out the Viscera interference and the match is even better.
Then Mideon found the retired European Title in a bag and made himself champion. Here’s a title defense at Fully Loaded 1999.
European Title: Mideon vs. D’lo Brown
Mideon literally found the belt in the back and said he was champion. Ok so not everything in this era was a great idea. Well it’s different I guess. WCW would do the exact same thing with Jim Duggan and the TV Title in about 6 months but even fewer people cared.
D’lo is a guy that’s actually pretty sweet in the ring but he never got a push of note. I always liked him though. Mideon was a guy that had some of the weirdest gimmicks ever but he kept his job anyway so if nothing else he was good enough to keep around. Nothing bad about that at all. Mideon shouts loudly and I think he’s not supposed to be heard.
This is about as basic of a match as you can ask for. Definitely something that belongs on Raw. Smackdown didn’t exist as a regular show yet. Brown botches a tornado DDT for two. Mideon turns around and walks into the Sky High. Low Down gives him the title back to a surprisingly NICE pop.
Rating: C-. I like Brown so there’s your justification. This should have been on Raw though as there is nothing special at all about this match to warrant a PPV spot. To be fair though they kept it short so it’s not like this was eating up PPV time and it wasn’t really bad or anything. Just no need to put it on the PPV.
Godfather vs. Mideon
The girls look better than normal which isn’t saying much. Apparently Godfather is mad at Mideon over something from Smackdown and Vince threw this match on the card about 20 minutes ago. Ok then. I never realized how annoying Godfather was back in the day. The Ministry more or less was just these two at this point. That made no sense so far. Viscera is with Mideon. Godfather had been IC Champion in April of this year for no apparent reason.
The main event is no holds barred now. Good to know. That makes more sense if nothing else. Viscera keeps the Ho Train from starting, which is good as it’s an idiotic move to begin with. Yeah I could care less about this match if you couldn’t tell. Everyone in this match is rather annoying yet kept getting jobs for no apparent reason out of this. This is just boring. Is this supposed to get the crowd into the show or something? It’s putting me to sleep and we’re ten minutes in.
Why is this still going on? It’s not interesting, it’s not any good, the crowd isn’t into it, so let’s let it keep on going. Sure why not. To be fair though, this is on first so I won’t remember it in an hour. Ho Train connects and he rolls Mideon up for the pin. Uh ok sure. And as usual Tim White dances with the girls.
Rating: F+. Seriously, what was the point here? I get that they needed to fill in some time but they couldn’t have split up the time and given it to the other matches instead? The ladder match couldn’t have gotten two or three of this and a long promo gotten the rest? I completely fail to see the point in this but at least it’s over. Horrible choice for an opener but I guess it’s best to get it out of the way now and not later on.
Mideon tried to fight Big Show at Survivor Series 1999.
Big Show vs. Mideon/Viscera/Big Boss Man/Prince Albert
This was supposed to be Big Show and Kaientai and Blue Meanie but Show beat them up so he could do this himself. This is during Boss Man vs. Big Show, which is based around Boss Man making fun of Show for having his dad die (kayfabe). It led to a bad moment at a “funeral” where Boss Man stole the coffin and dragged Show along the ground on top of the coffin with a car. Show chokes Albert to the floor and chokeslams Mideon for the pin in less than 20 seconds. Albert is gone 10 seconds later to a chokeslam, as is Big Visc. Boss Man is like screw this and walks out. Show wins in less than 90 seconds.
We’ll wrap it up with Mideon getting another European Title shot at No Mercy 2000. Mideon now wrestles “naked”.
European Title: William Regal vs. Naked Mideon
That’s his official name mind you. It’s not some random nickname I gave him. Basically he wrestles in a thong and a fanny pack. He comes out in regular clothes but tries to rip them off during the match. Apparently he’s trying to get naked, making him the Kelly Kelly from the old ECW days of this generation. Mideon keeps wanting to take his clothes off but just doesn’t for some reason.
Lawler says he’s a great chain wrestler. He can beat any chain you put him up against. Eh half a point for a decent line. Pretty much total dominance by Regal here. Mideon gets his shirt off and continuously pulls his pants up. Wouldn’t that be against his character in theory? Crowd is DEAD here mind you. And there go the pants. Regal sets for the Stretch but thinks twice about it. A neckbreaker ends it.
Rating: D-. Totally pointless match where nothing of note happened and the comedy didn’t exist. Mideon was hardly a character that was ever going to really do anywhere and I have no idea what the point of this being on the show was. This was a waste of time but I guess it bridges the gap between the big matches.
So yeah…..he wasn’t much to see. At the end of the day he was more of a filler character than anything else who literally became a champion by finding a title in a bag. I didn’t find more than a handful of watchable matches with him and his characters were much more shock value than anything else. Then again, I’d much rather see the soothsayer than him as a boring hog farmer.
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