Monday Nitro #213
Date: November 8, 1999
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,134
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

With less than two weeks to go until Mayhem, we have a long stretch of tournament matches to still get through. The question now is can any match break ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time we reached that point, but it’s a very rare sight in Russo Land. Hopefully things start to make a bit more sense but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

We open in the production truck with Sid telling a production guy to play a tape when he gives him a cue.

Here’s Sid in the arena with something to say. I can’t see this ending well. The Outsiders think he’s dumb, but he’s not as dumb as he looks. This brings him to Goldberg, who quit at Halloween Havoc. The tape is cued up and we see Goldberg beating on Sid as Sid shouts I QUIT. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. This brings out the Outsiders with Hall carrying the US Title.

Wait a minute. Hall took the belt from Sid, who wasn’t champion when he took it from Bret. So does that make Bret Bad News Barrett, Sid R-Truth and Hall Dean Ambrose? Suddenly my life makes so much more sense. (That’s a Wrestlemania XXXI reference if you’re reading this ten years from now).

Hall brings up beating Sid last week but Sid says Hall was supposed to lay down. Hall doesn’t lay down for anyone, because that’s how the Kliq works. Nash wants Sid to call out Bret, but Hart saves Sid the trouble. Apparently Bret thinks Goldberg is the real US Champion and he’s going to give Goldberg his belt back tonight. Cue Goldberg to spear Sid and challenge him to an I Quit match. Goldberg also challenges the Outsiders to a game of hide and seek. They hide, he seeks and destroys. Isn’t that the name of Sting’s theme song?

Here are the updated brackets. Sting and Luger have both advanced due to injuries.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Sting

Chris Benoit

Madusa

Scott Hall

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Vampiro

Curt Hennig

Jeff Jarrett

That is one lame tournament.

Sting isn’t sure he can trust Luger and thinks Lex has a lot of splaining to do.

Luger and Liz arrive in Indiana Pacers gear and try to sneak into the building without being noticed. The camera on them doesn’t help this.

We look at Kimberly running David Flair over last week.

Kimberly arrives and tells Doug Dillinger that David has been harassing her all week. So why is she here? Dillinger gives her extra security.

Kevin Nash has his security license and that’s all we hear as we go to commercial mid sentence.

The Filthy Animals are in the ring for all their sex based catchphrases because Russo thinks they’re like DX. The insults bring out the Revolution, with Dean challenging Rey to a mixed tag with Torrie and Asya. Rey says it’s on.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Norman Smiley vs. Kidman

Norman is officially Screamin Norman Smiley. As he comes to the ring, Tony announces Hall vs. Sid vs. Hart vs. Goldberg in a Texas tornado ladder match for the US Title. This would be different from all those ladder matches where you have to tag. Since Norman is hardcore now, Brian Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out for commentary. Kidman rips off the helmet Norman is wearing and it’s fighting time.

Norman can’t quite take his gloves off though so Kidman takes him to the ropes for a spanking, only to get kicked low. Something like an inverted powerbomb gets two on Kidman and Norman does his spanking (what is with Russo’s obsession with spanking?) dance while Kidman screams for Torrie. There are so many connotations there, I don’t know where to start. Knobbs sneaks in with a hockey stick to lay out Norman, giving Kidman the pin in barely two minutes.

To recap, Kidman is now in the final eight of the World Title tournament after needing the help of Brian Knobbs to defeat Norman Smiley in a two minute match that saw both men being spanked. This is the brilliant Vince Russo’s grand solution to Rock, HHH, Austin, Angle, Undertaker and company.

Sting searches for Luger.

David Flair is lurking around with his crowbar.

Kevin Nash is getting a rainbow turban put on. Nash as the Grand Wizard would be….well it would be stupid actually.

Here’s an angry Sting to call out Luger. He gets Liz instead, who, after tripping on the ramp because of her heels, says that Luger would never do anything to hurt their cherished friendship. Sting puts his arm around her and says she can be the female Total Package. Now Luger comes out and says he’s here in friendship and apologizes for what happened last week. Sting chokes him against the ropes and says he’ll rip his throat out if that ever happens again. As we’ve known for years, Sting can be a bit of a psycho.

Kimberly goes into her dressing room when the lights go out. David Flair’s voice says she won’t feel a thing. What am I even watching anymore?

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Chris Benoit vs. Madusa

Madusa actually puts on a hammerlock but Benoit calmly brushes it off. He tells her to leave and talks to the referee but Madusa fires off some kicks and a hurricanrana. That’s it for Benoit as he rips off a chop to put Madusa on the mat. Cue Evan Karagias to get in a fight with referee Johnny Boone, who easily holds his own against Evan. Jeff Jarrett runs in and lays out Benoit for the DQ, because this isn’t the WWF and we don’t hit women.

Madusa freaks out on Jarrett for costing her a shot at the title.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in to ask the Powers That Be for his opportunity for winning the battle royal on Thunder. Russo tells him that the opportunity around here is selling Amway, so get out of his office. So yeah, no reward and the battle royal was a waste of time.

Jim Duggan is cleaning toilets.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Disco Inferno

Steiner is defending and Disco is Cruiserweight Champion. A quick Steinerline sends Disco to the floor, where the kid who has been hanging around Disco is carrying a bucket. He’s officially named Tony Marinara and says he’s been carrying Glenn since they were kids. Tony says he wants his money and it turns out the bucket is full of concrete. Rick takes it away and hits Disco in the head with it, setting up a German suplex for the pin. We’re getting a mafia angle aren’t we?

Nash is indeed the Grand Wizard of Wrestling and has powder, chloroform and brass knuckles. He and Hall are ready for Sid and they have riot police following them around.

We see the Nitro Girls finalists do a mini routine until AC Jazz comes out and throws out all the Nitro Girl wannabes. They’re skanks and various other insults so here’s Spice to call AC a ho, triggering a fight. Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need a story? Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need to exist actually?

Kimberly is hiding in the boiler room. David is there with her and says his master needs another bride. In case you’re wondering, we’ve had about five and a half minutes of wrestling time so far but this is the third or fourth bit about these two.

Here’s Dustin Rhodes as Seven for his debut promo. With the floor covered in smoke, he flies to the ring with the help of some not very well covered wires. “I want everyone here to take a good long look at this crap I’m in.” He rants about leaving the WWF because of gimmicks like Goldust, which completely sucked. It nearly ruined his wrestling career and he wanted to come back home and just be Dustin Rhodes. The Powers That Be think Dustin is boring though, so he’s dressed up as Uncle Fester. “My new name is Seven by the way.”

He won’t have any of this or Goldust and they know where they can shove it. Last week, WCW fired Dusty Rhodes so now his mission is to make the Powers That Be, WCW and TNA all suffer the consequences. You will never forget the name of Dustin Rhodes. To recap, Russo came up with this character and now has written a promo where he calls it stupid. He’s already bored of burying the talent so he’s going to bury himself I guess.

David is still on the hunt.

Luger and Liz have a plan to make up with Sting.

Sting vs. Goldberg

Just a match and Goldberg’s first match of the night. After a two minute entrance, Goldberg slugs Sting up against the ropes but gets caught in a sleeper. Cue Luger and Liz as the referee goes down. They mace Sting (clearly intentional) and it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the pin in 2:13. These two should have been the biggest match all year and Russo has run it twice in fifteen days in 5:21 total. That’s borderline criminal. Also, in case you have hope for the future, this is their last singles match ever.

And now, after that huge match, the Outsiders offer Sid the riot squad when Rick Steiner comes up and demands Sid make time for him tonight. So Rick is the clingy ex?

Luger and Liz see Duggan mopping floors and steal his “wet floor” sign.

Kimberly finds a security guard and, say it with me, it’s David Flair. What happened to the extra guards she was given earlier?

Vampiro is now a full on member of the Misfits. Well sweet goodness I totally want to watch the show, buy the merchandise and order the pay per views now. This totally changes my perspective on the company and wrestling as a whole and I can’t put into words how excited I am to have seen this thrilling turn of events.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell

The Misfits jump Bagwell during his entrance and the referee has no issue ringing the bell during a 5-1 beatdown. Vampiro takes him inside for a running clothesline but completely misses a top rope flip attack. Bagwell fights off all of the Misfits but the referee gets poked in the eye and Vampiro hits a missile dropkick. I don’t see why we needed a ref bump for that but I’m still reeling from the announcement that Vampiro has joined the Misfits so I probably missed the subtext. Berlyn comes down and nails Vampiro with a chain, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin. Five people, a ref bump and a chain. Match time: 82 seconds.

The Bodyguard beats up the Misfits post match. Creative Control comes up and beats Berlyn down as well. As terrifying as this is to me, I’m starting to understand these stories.

Luger is on the bathroom floor holding his knee. After a break, the EMT says there’s nothing wrong with it.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Bret Hart vs. Perry Saturn

Bret’s knee seems to be fine and Shane Douglas is on commentary. Hart goes after the arm first but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Saturn gets smart and kicks at Bret’s recently injured knee which Bret quickly remembers to sell. A t-bone suplex drops Bret but he avoids the Lionsault. Must be the Canadian instinct.

We hit the Five Moves of Doom (Shane: “I’ve seen this before!”) but Asya distracts the referee as Bret puts on the Sharpshooter. Shane gets up and hits him in the head with a cast, setting up the Death Valley Driver for a surprising kick out. Saturn throws him outside so Malenko can get in some cheap shots but Benoit runs out for the save. Bret gets thrown back in but escapes a sunset flip and puts on the Sharpshooter for the win to advance.

Rating: C-. Another potentially good match ruined by too much overbooking. Hart kicking out of the Death Valley Drive surprised me a bit, even though I know how this tournament ends. The bad side of that is I fully expected there to be a screwy finish if Bret was eliminated because that’s the standard operating procedure around here these days: be screwy for the sake of being screwy.

Kimberly asks Creative Control for a meeting with the Powers That Be.

Nash does Johnny Carson’s Carnac bit, meaning he gives the answer to a question and then reads the question. The answer is 316 and the question is how many times Undertaker and Austin have worked a pay per view against each other. Oh get over yourselves WCW. That shouldn’t be hard given how low you are in the ratings.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He’s alone this week as Stevie Ray has been suspended. Booker has three things on his mind: Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control. He wants all three of them out here right now for a Harlem street fight.

Booker T. vs. Creative Control/Jeff Jarrett

Jeff sits on commentary because Creative Control can handle Booker on their own. Booker backdrops one of them to the floor and forearms the other so Jarrett comes in with the guitar for a threat, allowing Creative Control to hammer on Booker. Cue a woman who looks like a black Chyna….and gets hit with a guitar a few seconds after she gets in. That’s the end of the so called match as Jarrett and Creative Control walk out.

The Powers That Be tell Luger that he has to face Sid or he’s out of the tournament.

Asya/Dean Malenko vs. Torrie Wilson/Rey Mysterio

Torrie is in a swimsuit top, the bottom half of a dress and very high heels. She tries to take the dress off but Rey stops her for some reason. Asya handcuffs Torrie to the ring five seconds in and Rey gets double teamed. Torrie was really that big of a threat? A suplex gets two and it’s off to Malenko for two more off a clothesline but Rey comes back with a one legged dropkick. He knocks Asya off the apron but Dean kicks him in the knee, only to get sent hard into Asya. Rey misses the Bronco Buster, setting up the Cloverleaf for another fast ending.

The Animals come in for the save as Tony says this was a grand plan. There was nothing grand about this Tony. Well except Torrie.

Kimberly goes into the shower and David is waiting for her. Good grief just leave the arena already. Then again David seems to have superpowers tonight so it might not matter.

Sid Vicious vs. Total Package

Liz wheels Luger down and Lex says his knee is too banged up to compete, but he’ll be fine for the tournament match next week. This brings Sting out to beat Luger up and throw him in to face Sid. Sid hammers away but has to move Liz to get at Luger again. Luger actually sells the knee (still wrapped in ice) as Sid stomps on it. A big boot puts Luger down and the riot squad comes out. They stop an invading Goldberg, then step aside so he can come in and spear both guys for the no contest, even though it should have been a DQ on Luger since Goldberg got speared first.

Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Hardcore of course and the winner will face Norman Smiley for the Hardcore Title. Norman comes down to do commentary and asks if Bigelow has dental insurance because he’s been missing that tooth for years. He’s already the funniest commentator this company has. After some trashcan shots they fight into the back with Norman playing Road Dogg as roving commentator.

They knock each other into a wall and Norman wants to know where Doug Dillinger is when you really need him. Knobbs hits Bigelow with a chair and drives him through a table as Norman screams a lot. Kimberly shows up and has Bigelow come with her, meaning Knobbs wins by countout. Backstage. In a hardcore match. This was a way for Kimberly to get some protection but Norman continues to be hilarious.

Norman beats up Knobbs and Jimmy and throws them in trashcans.

Kimberly and Bam Bam Bigelow are looking for David. Bigelow: “If you want to pick on a girl, pick on me!”

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Scott Hall vs. Lash Leroux

Nash is with Hall and in the Grand Wizard garb. The riot guard is with them as well to really overbook things. Heenan thinks the guest referee for the ladder match is going to be from another organization. We start with a toothpick throw and Lash is tossed into the corner. Hall drives in the shoulders and puts on an armbar to slap Lash in the back of the head. Back up and Lash scores with some forearms and a dropkick as Tony is really putting Lash over. The Outsiders have a meeting on the floor and Nash offers chloroform.

Back in and Scott offers a test of strength and pokes Leroux in the eye. Tony talks about the tournament and Heenan says he sounds like Dick Vitale. Tony: “Really?” Heenan: “No.” A chokeslam sets up the Giant imitation, because it makes sense to mock someone who left nine months ago. Tony tries to cover for him by saying it’s climbing a ladder, which is better than most ideas he’s had before.

Hall puts on an abdominal stretch and lifts Lash’s leg to make it even worse. As Lash makes his comeback, Tony promises a recap of everything that’s happened earlier in the night. The fact that that’s a featured attraction tells you how messy this show has been. Hall stops the comeback with a discus punch and the fallaway slam. The Outsider’s Edge is good for the pin.

Rating: C. You know what? This wasn’t half bad. Maybe it’s my shock that they had a match end clean, but this was a totally acceptable six minute (longest of the night) match. It’s nothing great and nothing I’ll think about by the time this show is over, but this was such a nice change of pace from the other “matches” all night that it was pretty entertaining.

Nash calls the riot squad into the ring and one of them is Goldberg. You can figure the rest out for yourselves. Before the double spear, Nash tries to throw powder in Goldberg’s face. I’m sure Nash had a plan to get it past the helmet and visor.

Recap of Hennig having to avoid getting pinned to keep his job. We still have no idea why this stipulation has been put into place.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hennig jumps him in the aisle to start and they head inside with Jeff grabbing a quick small package for two. They head right back outside for a slugout with Jeff going after the knee as is his custom. Cue Creative Control to watch from the stage as Hennig kicks out of a Figure Four attempt.

Curt fights back and naturally we get a ref bump. You can feel the ratings triple as fans just know the referee has gone down in a five minute match and the excitement cannot be contained! The PerfectPlex doesn’t matter because no one is there to count, allowing Creative Control to beat Curt down. They slam him through the announcers’ table and it’s a countout, meaning this stupid angle MUST CONTINUE!

Rating: D+. Somehow this might have been the second best match of the night. I’m already getting bored of telling Russo that there’s no need to have a match this overbooked when you have two talented guys in there, but this was more of the same problems over and over again. Boring match but at least they had some time to set something up.

Jeff gives Curt the Stroke post match.

Here are the updated brackets:

Bret Hart

Kidman

Sting

Total Package

Chris Benoit

Scott Hall

Buff Bagwell

Jeff Jarrett

Kimberly comes to the ring and says she’s tired of running from David, so come get her. This brings out David but Bam Bam Bigelow jumps him. David hits him low and gets in a crowbar shot though, sending Kimberly running away again.

Post break, Kimberly is trying to get in her car with David Flair behind her. She drops her keys but gets in anyway, only to have David break out a window. Creative Control comes up and chases him off, saying the Powers That Be will see her now. Why she hasn’t CALLED THE FREAKING POLICE all night is never made clear.

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Goldberg vs. Bret Hart vs. Scott Hall

Ladder match with Goldberg defending. During the entrances, Tony recaps the evening and my goodness it sounds even worse. Hall and Sid start fighting before the other two get there and it’s clear that Sid could easily reach up and pull down the title without a ladder. Bret and Goldberg come in with no music as we’re reminded about the special referee. We could also use a ladder, so here comes Nash with a ladder and a referee’s shirt.

Goldberg and Hall slug it out in the aisle and we’re told it’s Kimberly vs. David Flair at Mayhem. So it’s Kimberly vs. a man stalking her and potentially trying to rape her earlier. No, of course Russo doesn’t have issues with women. All four get inside as the fans chant for Goldberg but they get Rick Steiner instead. He plants Sid with the bulldog and slugs it out with Goldberg. Hart pulls down the belt but Nash hits him in the bad leg with a pipe and picks up the belt. Hall climbs one rung and is handed the belt to make him the champion.

Rating: D-. Why did I expect anything else here? It was an overbooked ladder match and that’s the best idea they could come up with, but at least Hall is the champion now and….what exactly does that change? Nothing of course, because titles mean nothing in this company and are nothing more than a plot point. That’s one of those Russo ideas that has stayed around, despite the fact that it’s rarely made things even better.

Overall Rating: F+. At what point did this stop being a wrestling show? Somewhere recently this turned into a bunch of direct to video movies spliced together. Kimberly was all over this show more than the Filthy Animals had been recently, which makes for good scenery but some STUPID moments. She had no reason to be there tonight as she quit the Nitro Girls and Page is allegedly hurt, but she showed up for the sake of the plot. Bad show with some watchable matches when they were given time, but we needed more shenanigans with Luger’s knee or Kimberly being stupid. Standard WCW fare in other words.

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Monday Nitro #139
Date: June 1, 1998
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

We’re less than two weeks to go from the Great American Bash and we really don’t know much about the card so far. The main event will be Hart/Hogan vs. Savage/Piper, but the interesting (by comparison) question is what happens to Sting and the tag titles. Odds are Sting is going to pick a side soon, but that doesn’t really do much overall. It’s just more of the same faction wars which have dominated the company for months now. Let’s get to it.

We open with a montage of Sting over the years and all of his different looks.

Opening sequence.

The announcers talk about Sting for a few minutes and Tony is sure we’ll get the decision tonight.

A white limo with a WCW logo pulls up and it’s JJ Dillon, Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T and Goldberg.

We see Luger’s recruitment speech to Sting from Thunder.

The fireworks display kills even more time after a break.

Nitro Girls.

Jerry Flynn vs. Ernest Miller

Miller starts with a backdrop but can’t hit a few spin kicks to the face. Off to an armbar on Jerry but Flynn comes back with some kicks in the corner. Now it’s Flynn with an armbar followed by some kicks to the arm but Miller comes back with a fireman’s carry powerslam. The latest version of the Feliner (in this case Kofi Kingston’s Trouble in Paradise) misses by about eight inches but it’s enough to pin Jerry.

Rating: D-. This is the same problem you always have with the guys in these matches: just because they can throw kicks doesn’t make them interesting. Jerry Flynn is an uninteresting of a wrestler as you’ll ever see and Miller was only starting to become competent in the ring at this point.

A black limo pulls up, revealing NWO Wolfpack minus Hennig.

Here’s the Wolfpack with something to say. Hennig is with them on crutches despite not being in the limo. Nash does a survey about which NWO the fans are here to see with the red and black winning. Luger gives another recruitment speech and offers a challenge to Giant and Hogan to face himself and Nash.

We see Bret recruiting Sting on Thunder.

Saturn/Raven vs. Public Enemy

Saturn pounds Grunge into the corner to start before it’s quickly off to Raven who walks around but makes no contact before tagging back out. Public Enemy comes back with a double elbow to the jaw before Rocco stays in to work over Saturn’s back. Grunge comes in for some shoulders in the corner before Public Enemy drops Saturn with a double clothesline again. A modified top rope Demolition Decapitation gets two for Grunge but Rocco misses a Lionsault press. Raven makes a blind tag but accidentally blasts Saturn in the back of the head.

He and Saturn stare each other down but Grunge clotheslines both of them. They fall to the floor for a dive from Rocco before going back inside for a swinging neckbreaker from Grunge to Saturn. The Drive By (the Quebecers’ old Cannonball) crushes Saturn and Rocco hits a flip dive over the top and onto Raven on a table but the wood doesn’t break. Rocco is fine with that and hits the same thing again to break the table down. Grunge is sent into the chair that Rocco is holding, sending it into Rock’s face. Saturn hits a quick Death Valley Driver on Grunge but Raven sneaks in for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was mainly an angle instead of a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. What there is something wrong with is this style of wrestling in front of all audiences. The people here weren’t digging the hardcore schtick which is why it shouldn’t be done all the time in a major company like WCW. That kind of stuff is for a niche audience, not a national one.

Post match Raven says he won before throwing in Saturn’s name too. He’s also rehired the Flock for protection against Kanyon. It’s also Saturn vs. Kanyon at the PPV.

More of Luger recruiting Sting from Thunder.

More Nitro Girls.

The Nitro Party winner of the week has a sign saying “La Parka Chair Club For Men.” Ok point for a cute line.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Alex Wright

There’s no Eddie here this time. Alex easily takes Chavo around before hitting a hiptoss and dancing a lot. Back up and Chavo gets caught in a backbreaker so he can dance even more. Chavo gets ticked off and grabs him by the throat for some choking and right hands. Wright bails to the floor and gets caught by a suicide dive to put both guys down. They whip each other into the barricade before heading back inside for Chavo to miss a charge into the corner, allowing Alex to get an STF for a very fast tap out.

Post match Eddie comes out and tries to keep the guys from fighting. Alex leaves so Eddie can tell Chavo he was talking to grandma who has freed Chavo. Therefore there’s no need for them to have a match at the Great American Bash. Chavo says oh yes there is a need because Eddie is trying to hide from him.

We take a break and we’re supposed to have Randy Savage for a chat but Piper’s music plays instead. Now it’s the Wolfpack song and here are Savage and Liz. Randy accuses Tony of wanting to date Piper before calling out Roddy himself. Roddy thinks Savage needs a psychiatrist but Savage wants a match with Piper one on one after the tag match. Piper says it’s on before asking Savage if his parents built him a swing facing the wall as a kid. Piper doesn’t believe Bret is in the NWO until he sees him in an NWO shirt, which he somehow ties into Savage being a Muppet and the Washington Capitals.

MORE from Thunder with Bret asking where Sting stands.

Hour #2 begins.

Here’s JJ with something to say. Tony is doing the interview again instead of Gene for some reason. JJ says that he thinks Sting is going to stay in WCW even though it’s not cool and he had trouble when he stayed with WCW last year.

NWO Hollywood arrives in another limo.

After a break here’s the black and white for their interview time. Bischoff brags about how awesome Hogan is before Hogan talks about being in Hollywood to make a movie. Apparently Scott Steiner was in the movie with him or at least was hanging around the set. On the way to the arena tonight he was watching the show and heard the challenge. He and Giant are glad to accept to show Sting how awesome the black and white is. Bret opens his shirt to reveal a Hogan shirt, proclaiming Hulk to be the greatest of all time. Hogan says a t-shirt is worth 1000 words and promises to own Savage’s soul.

Heenan joins commentary as the Nitro Girls dance again.

Konnan vs. Lenny Lane

Konnan easily takes him down by the arm to start and gets two off a slick rollup into a sunset flip. Off to a Boston Crab with Konnan lifting up Lane by the arms and rocking him back and forth for extra torment. Lane comes back with a bulldog and stomps away before getting two off some side rolls. Konnan slams him out of the corner with an Alabama Slam before the 187 and Tequila Sunrise are good for the pin. Not terrible actually.

Here are Hennig and Rude with something to say. Rude says he doesn’t have to brag about Hennig being a 3 time world champion or his 3000 wins when Goldberg only has 89 wins in a row. Apparently Hennig has a bad knee and has to take ten days off. Curt calls out Konnan and asks him to face Goldberg in his upcoming matches around the country. Konnan is cool with the idea.

TV Title: Fit Finlay vs. Eddie Guerrero

Finlay grabs a quick headlock and runs Eddie over with a shoulder block. A snapmare puts Eddie down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Eddie counters into an armbar and rakes his boot over the champion’s eye as only he can get away with. A top rope hurricanrana attempt is broken up and Finlay gets two off a belly to back suplex. Back to the chinlock for a few moments before Finlay rams him face first into the apron. Finlay counters a sleeper and dropkicks Fit down before pounding away in the corner. Not that it matters as Chavo comes in and the match is thrown out before he does anything.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the ending made it more of an angle than anything else. I like that Chavo cost him the match without Eddie losing as it keeps both guys looking strong at the same time. Finlay is fine as the TV Champion, but I’m still not sure why he of all people got the belt. At least he isn’t horrible though.

Chris Jericho is at the Capitol Building but is thrown out almost immediately. After the Capitol police throw him out, Jericho claims to have talked to Clarence Thomas and he’s sure Jericho has a case. Jericho talks to other people protesting some issue and tells them he should be Cruiserweight Champion. He isn’t allowed on the White House lawn so it’s off to the Library of Congress to look for a section on WCW title belts.

Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera

Jericho calls out JJ to give him the evidence he’s acquired but gets Juvy. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho flips Juvy down. Back up and Guerrera chops away before going up top for a slightly botched hurricanrana. Jericho comes right back with a butterfly backbreaker, good for two. A standing hurricanrana gets two for Juvy and he botches another move by rolling up Jericho’s body and gently laying him down instead of snapping off a DDT.

The Juvy Driver looks to set up the 450 but Jericho crotches him on the top. Guerrera fights back but another hurricanrana attempt is countered into the Liontamer, only to have Juvy roll out and send Jericho to the floor. A slingshot hurricanrana takes Jericho down again but as the referee is with Chris, Reese comes in and chokebombs Juvy down, giving Jericho an easy pin.

Rating: D+. Juvy’s botches really brought this match down as it looked like half his moves were trying to make sure Jericho wasn’t hurt at all rather than trying to pin him. On top of that they were nowhere near as fast as their matches usually were which was often the highlight of their stuff. Bad match here and mainly due to Juvy.

Hour #3 begins.

We recap the best of 7 series with Benoit leading 2-1 after winning on Saturday Night.

Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

Feeling out process to start with Booker elbowing Benoit down for two as Finlay watches from the ramp. A powerslam gets two more on the Canadian and we hit an armbar. Booker goes up for a spinning cross body to send Benoit out to the floor. That goes nowhere so we head back inside for a mudhole stomping by Benoit. A snap suplex puts Booker down and it’s back to Finlay for some trash talk.

Booker hits a quick elbow to the jaw and it’s off to a chinlock. Back up and the forearm to the head gets two on Chris and more chinlockery abounds. Benoit fights up again and hooks a German suplex but can’t follow up. Some right hands have Booker in trouble but he comes back with the ax kick for no cover. Benoit is all screw this getting kicked in the head thing and counters a suplex into the Crossface for the win and a 3-1 lead.

Rating: C+. The matches are good but it’s getting a bit repetitive at this point, given that these guys have been feuding for weeks beforehand. That being said though, I could watch Benoit drive people down into the Crossface all day. Booker isn’t going to be hurt by feuding with Benoit either, but a match with someone else would be a nice breather.

The announcers discuss Sting for I think the fifth time, not counting talking about him during matches of course.

We get the same video on Sting that opened the show.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Riggs

Riggs sends Page into the corner so DDP shoves him down with ease. Page stomps him down in the corner before taking out Sick Boy. An over the shoulder gutbuster sets up a fireman’s carry Diamond Cutter for the fast win.

Sick Boy gets a Cutter as well.

US Title: La Parka vs. Goldberg

La Parka cracks him in the head with a chair before the bell but Goldberg no sells it. A spear and Jackhammer are the only moves of the match.

The Giant/Hollywood Hogan vs. Lex Luger/Kevin Nash

Bret is with the black and white again. Luger now wrestles in long black pants instead of trunks. Hogan and Luger pose at each other to start before Luger shoves him into the corner and flexes a bit. A cheap shot gets Hogan out of a test of strength and he goes to the throat to take over. Off to Nash who fires off knees to the ribs and follows up with the corner elbows. They trade clotheslines and Hogan slugs away, only to tag in Giant for the real battle of the big men.

Big Kev pounds away on Giant in the corner but Giant superkicks him down in a nice display of athleticism. Giant misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Luger to pound away. Another clothesline puts Luger down and it’s back to Hogan again as the slow heel offense begins. Nash walks into the ring anyway and kicks Giant in the face as everything breaks down. Hogan hits Nash in the back with a tag title belt for the DQ.

Rating: D. There’s not much to say about this one. This was exactly what you would expect it to be. It was mainly kicking and punching which is what you expect but that doesn’t make this any better to sit through. At least it was short, but that’s not really a plus most of the time.

Post match here’s Sting from the ceiling with a buttoned up trench coat. He takes it off to reveal….the black and the white. Hogan and Giant celebrate but Sting decks Hogan and slams Giant (with ease) and rips off the shirt, revealing the red and black. Tony sounds THRILLED with this development to end the show after about three minutes of Wolfpack celebrating.

Overall Rating: D. This is a hard one to grade as it’s all about one idea. They did a decent job of getting that idea across, but three hours is a LONG time to get to push one single thing. I did like the false finish as it was obvious Sting was going to the Wolfpack but at least they teased a swerve. Just too much focus on the NWO here though, and who does this leave as WCW’s main guys? Piper and Page? Goldberg is a rising star but he hasn’t proven himself against big names yet. Wait why am I even asking? WCW has nothing to do with this show.

 

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Monday Nitro #135
Date: April 13, 1998
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

Tonight is the go home show for Spring Stampede, but much more importantly than that it’s the night that the WWF won a round in the Monday Night Wars. Over on Raw there was the first ever Vince McMahon vs. Steve Austin match, but it should be interesting to see what Nitro was offering that the fans decided wasn’t good enough. Let’s get to it.

The Nitro Girls are in white to open things up.

The announcers talk about the bat match on Sunday.

Scott Steiner vs. Fit Finlay

Vincent has the trophy with him again. I’m assuming it’s some kind of a bodybuilding trophy but WCW hasn’t bothered to explain it yet. Steiner immediately bails to the floor for encouragement from Vincent. Back in and Steiner easily takes him to the mat and rides Finlay over to the ropes.

The belly to belly gets a face pop for Scott and there’s the elbow into the push-ups. Steiner goes to the floor to yell at Larry Hennig (Curt’s dad) before getting caught in an atomic drop from Finlay. The rolling senton puts Steiner down again but Finlay misses a charge into the buckle. A falling suplex from the top sets up the Recliner for the submission from Finlay, making Steiner the WCW Alliteration Champion.

Rating: D+. I’m not wild on Finlay being used for a jobber but it’s better than having big names collide and having them both come out looking lame. Steiner still isn’t over as a heel and the stupid trophy isn’t going to make the fans boo him any more. Nothing match here but Steiner looked pretty dominant.

Bret Hart talks about getting screwed over again. Does he have ANYTHING else he can talk about? This seems to be the first of a bunch of sound bytes from Bret tonight.

Call the Hotline to hear about….uh….wrestling stuff!

Lenny Lane vs. Ultimo Dragon

Things start fast with Dragon taking him over with a headscissors. Dragon has his head slammed into the mat and the corners for good measure with Lane in control. A sunset flip gets two for Dragon but Lane chokes him on the ropes to keep control. We hit the chinlock on Dragon but Lane lets go to yell at the fans. Dragon comes back with the headstand in the corner and a kick to Lenny’s back to take over.

Lane avoids a spinwheel kick and sends Dragon to the floor, only to miss a plancha to put both guys down. Lenny is up first and slams Dragon on the floor but doesn’t follow up. Back in and Dragon runs into a powerslam for two and a bulldog gets the same. Lane tries a suplex but Dragon slips over his back and hooks the Dragon Sleeper for the submission.

Rating: C+. This was much more entertaining than I was expecting with Lane holding his own against the Dragon until the end of the match where he got caught. Lane is one of those guys that was talented but never got a chance to show off. With more charisma, Dragon could have been a solid midcard guy in WCW but he was always stuck around the cruiserweights or lower card.

Bret wants to be world champion.

The announcers talk about the bat match again, this time for like two minutes straight.

Roddy is in the back and says he’s tired of listening to Hogan and Nash so tonight they’re fighting each other. After that’s done, he’s coming after Hogan himself. Hogan and Disciple get tired of listening to Piper’s rambling and run in to lay him out.

Here’s Giant with something to say. He knows Piper is going to be fine for Sunday and lets the NWO know that he hasn’t forgotten a thing Nash has done to him. Very short here but it got the point across well enough.

Johnny Grunge vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo takes him to the corner to start but gets suckered in by a handshake. Grunge takes over on the arm but Chavo spins out to twist on Grunge’s arm instead. Off to an armbar but Johnny fights up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to take over. Chavo sends him head first into the buckle and loads up a sunset flip, only to have Grunge sit down on it for the big upset. The announcers treat it like what everyone knew would happen.

Bret doesn’t like Hogan and Nash.

More Nitro Girls, this time with bunny ears.

Here’s Nash with something to say. Apparently Hogan has run out the back door instead of facing him here tonight. Since Hogan has bailed and since Savage is nowhere in sight, how about Nash vs. Sting again this week? This brings out Sting with the bat but no belt. JJ comes out to hold them back but Sting says Nash can have the title shot. Dillon says the match has to be in the main event, but Sting wants the powerbomb reinstated. JJ isn’t sure but eventually gives in.

Glacier vs. Chris Benoit

Glacier fires off some kicks to start but Benoit leg whips him down and stomps Glacier in the corner. Glacier comes back with his kicks as the announcers talk about Booker vs. Benoit for the TV Title at the PPV with no time limit. A kick to the back of Benoit’s head gets two more but Benoit comes back with a hard chop. Benoit takes him down with a German suplex as Tony compares Glacier’s win/loss record to Goldberg’s. Glacier sweeps Benoit’s legs out but Chris calmly waits for him to come over and snaps on the Crossface for the submission.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing of note but Benoit looked great out there. The German looked great and the ending was perfect. Benoit looked like he was toying with Glacier out there which is what you want going into the title match on Sunday. The more Nitro I watch I understand Benoit’s fans raging against WCW for never pushing him. He’s just that good.

Hour #2 begins so we hit the recap button.

Buff Bagwell vs. Lex Luger

Before the match Bagwell and Bischoff have something to say. Buff says the one thing he can’t do is predict the future. If he could, he would have challenged Rick Steiner instead of Luger for attacking Bischoff. Buff makes fun of Luger and Steiner’s poses in a funny bit. Bischoff says Hogan isn’t here to take care of Rick because he’s on the Tonight Show. The idea of Hogan associating with Rick Steiner is rather amusing.

Buff pounds away to start after a quick posedown, only to have Luger run him over with a shoulder. A dropkick puts Luger down and it’s time for more posing. Luger hiptosses and slams Bagwell down, sending Buff out to the floor. In one of the only times I can ever remember, Luger actually shows some humor by doing Buff’s strut and pose, complete with the big grin.

Back in and Luger pounds away but gets caught by a swinging neckbreaker. We hit the reverse chinlock with Luger looking more bored than in pain. Buff lets go of the hold but misses the Blockbuster, allowing Luger to do his usual sequence for the comeback. There’s the Torture Rack but Bischoff comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Of all the matches they could start the second hour with, they picked this? As in the match where the whole story is Bagwell has beaten Luger like five times already? That’s a good way to sum up WCW: yeah we know you’ve seen this already, but here it is again because we don’t have any new ideas. Also, why was Buff Bagwell so protected? It’s not as bad as Norton but he was always losing by DQ or countout instead of pin or submission, even to much bigger stars like Luger.

Post match both Steiners run out with Rick and Luger standing tall.

Bret Hart says Savage should get out of the NWO while he can.

The Nitro Girls are in black now.

Heenan is on commentary.

Cruiserweight Title: Super Calo vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho thinks Super Calo is Iaukea under a stupid looking mask. Calo denies it in Spanish but Jericho insists it’s the Prince. The referee actually goes to check it, giving Jericho the cheap shot for an early advantage. A big forearm puts Calo down and a suplex gets two for the champion. Calo comes back with a cradle, only to get punched in the mask to put him back down.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Jericho easily avoids a dropkick. A gutwrench suplex gets two for Chris and we get a mini fit from Jericho. Calo jumps over Jericho in the corner and gets two off a missile dropkick. Jericho misses a charge and falls to the floor for a BIG plancha from Calo. Back in and Calo misses the top rope headscissors, allowing Jericho to hook the Liontamer to retain.

Rating: C-. Jericho looked good in this glorified squash. That’s one of the problems with Jericho’s reign: he’s beaten every big name in the division and there’s no one left to seriously challenge him. The biggest name he hasn’t beaten is Ultimo Dragon I guess and he’s not even that big of a deal in division anymore.

Post match Jericho won’t let go of the hold so Iaukea comes down. Jericho: “They’re twins!”

Bret Hart respects a few people but Sting is the highest on the list. If Sting ever needs him, just say the word.

Saturn vs. Hammer

Kidman tries to stop this from happening and is thrown away by both guys. They slug it out with Hammer taking over with a clothesline. He puts Saturn on the top for a slam before ramming Saturn’s head into the mat over and over. Saturn comes back with chops in the corner and some high kicks to the head for good measure. Hammer escapes an armbar with a belly to back suplex before lifting Saturn up into a modified Gory Stretch to block a backslide. Not that it matters as Saturn suplexes him down and hooks the Rings of Saturn for the submission. Better match than I was expecting here actually.

Rocco Rock vs. Goldberg

A hard shoulder block puts Rocco down and a right hand does the same. They trade elbows to the face before Goldberg launches him across the ring. Rocco bails to the floor so Goldberg beats him up out there, only to punch the post by mistake. Rocco whips him into the steps and loads up a table in the ring. Goldberg pops back in and spears him through the table (not a DQ for no apparent reason) and the Jackhammer makes it 72 in a row.

Saturn tries to get to Goldberg but Raven stops him. Goldberg beats up Sick Boy and Kidman for fun. Saturn is next.

Video on Goldberg.

Hour #3 begins.

More Nitro Girls, still in black.

Nitro Party video.

Curt Hennig vs. Yuji Nagata

Well at least it’s not Neidhart. Rude goes to the commentary booth but says he has guests to take care of at ringside. Apparently Rude’s father is in the front row along with Larry Hennig. Yuji jumps Curt while he’s hugging his dad, earning him a Perfect beating. Nagata is sent to the floor for a beating from Rude. We’re in Minnesota tonight so the fans are completely behind Rude and Hennig. Nagata gets in a few kicks but Hennig shrugs them off and chops Yuji down in the corner. Hennig sends him to the floor so Larry Hennig can reveal a HENNIG RULES shirt. Back in and the PerfectPlex ends the squash.

Post match Rude handcuffs Nagata to the ropes so the beating can continue. Neidhart comes down well after they’ve gone and isn’t even acknowledged by the announcers.

TV Title: La Parka vs. Booker T

They lock up and head to the corner for a clean break. The fans chant what sounds like Jesse as Booker backdrops La Parka down. Booker kicks him down and clotheslines him out to the floor. Back in and they clothesline each other down but Booker is up first with a spinebuster. Part of La Parka’s match is torn. A flapjack sets up the side kick and the missile dropkick retains Booker’s title.

Rating: C-. Again the match wasn’t bad but there’s nothing on this show that makes me want to keep watching it. La Parka’s hot streak is over as he’s now just a jobber to the stars. Booker got a nice win here just like Benoit did earlier which makes both guys look good going into the title match. Simple idea yet it’s so rarely done today.

Post match La Parka loads up the chair but Benoit comes out to stop him. Booker offers a handshake but Benoit shoves him down instead.

Video on Raven vs. DDP.

US Title: Robbie Rage vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page runs him over and hits a quick belly to back suplex for no cover. Rage’s partner Kaos grabs Page’s leg, giving Rage a cheap shot to the champion’s ribs. A nice looking springboard splash gets two but Page crotches Rage against the post to stop him cold. Back in and a running Diamons Cutter retains the title. Another squash.

Post match Raven and the Flock come down the aisle with Raven yelling about being stuck in ECW since Page wouldn’t get him a job in WCW. Page dives over the top to take the Flock out but they stop him from getting to Raven.

Konnan vs. Rick Steiner

Vincent and DiBiase get in a shoving match before the bell which distracts Rick (like that’s so hard) to give Konnan an early advantage. Rick comes back with something close to a low blow to send Konnan out to the floor. Steiner follows and gets double teamed by Vincent and Konnan, only to have DiBiase beat up Vincent to a big reaction. Back in and Konnan hits his rolling lariat before putting on an armbar. Konnan tries to jump over Rick in the corner but gets caught in a powerslam for two. Rick suplexes him down again and the Steiner Bulldog gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Oddly enough Rick looked pretty good here with his suplexes and throws. At the end of the day though, it’s really hard to get fired up for Konnan vs. Rick Steiner in a four minute match. It’s nice to see someone new pushed to fight the NWO, but Rick Steiner is only going to draw so much interest.

Video on Savage vs. Nash vs. Hogan.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Sting

The announcers have spent all night hyping the fact that the powerbomb is legal. If I know WCW, it probably won’t even be used. Sting pounds him into the corner to start and rains down right hands, only to try to jump over Nash and get caught in Snake Eyes. There’s the foot choke in the corner followed by some knee lifts to the ribs. Nash continues his slow pace by firing off elbows in the corner. Sting comes back with some kicks to the ribs but can’t slam Nash.

Off to a neck crank on the champion before Nash elbows him in the face to stop a comeback. A gutwrench slam gets two on Sting and Nash finally calls for the powerbomb. Scratch that as we need a sidewalk slam for two first. We hit the bearhug as the build to the big move continues. It’s not something you can say that often in a Nash match but the psychology is solid here.

Sting slaps Nash’s ears to break the hold but can’t drop him. Two Stinger Splashes and a dropkick can’t drop Nash so there’s a third Splash. Sting puts on the Scorpion but Savage comes in with a cast shot, giving Nash two. Nash hits the powerbomb but Bret Hart pulls out the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C. Screwy ending aside, this wasn’t all that bad. They did a good job of building up the back injury for Sting and you could see them setting up the powerbomb. Sting has always played a good David to someone else’s Goliath so the result here was a surprisingly entertaining match.

Bret holds off the NWO single handedly to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I can’t blame the fans a bit for flipping over to Raw. Let’s look at this for a second: the first match of the second hour was built around the idea of they’ve fought six times before, then the main event is a rematch with another run-in ending. The most competitive match in between there was Hammer vs. Perry Saturn and the rest were glorified squashes. Nothing on here was fresh or new and the show felt like it has for months: uninteresting and focused entirely on the NWO which has been going on for nearly two years now.

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Another year another Summerslam and yet again the company has changed. Tonight we have a double main event with a Wrestlemania rematch of Lesnar vs. Angle II for the Smackdown Title and an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw Title. 2003 was split down the middle in quality as Raw was atrocious and Smackdown was some of the best television in company history. It’s always interesting to see the two shows come together. Let’s get to it.

The US Marine Corps presents the American flag while Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video talks about how there is evil in this world and the Chamber tonight will prove it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleyz are challenging and the EVIL foreigners are Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier. Bubba of course comes out with an American flag to hammer in the face status. The whole patriotism thing was a big deal in this feud as the third member of La Resistance, an American named Rob Conway, pretended to be a soldier to sneak up on the Dudleyz. It’s a brawl to start in the aisle with the challengers in full control.

D-Von chokes Dupree with the robe to start before armbarring Grenier down. A slam and a legdrop gets two on Sylvain and it’s off to Bubba for the power brawling. He puts Grenier in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch to make the French guy scream. The Dudleys clear the ring but Grenier gets in a cheap shot to give the champions control on Bubba. A double shoulder puts Bubba down for two as the USA chant starts up.

Back to Dupree for a bearhug, which isn’t often a move you see on a fat man like Bubba. Some headbutts break up hold but Bubba walks into a spinebuster for two. Bubba punches his way over to the hot tag (four minutes into the match) and D-Von cleans house. A rollup gets two on Grenier as everything breaks down. D-Von walks into a double spinebuster for two but it’s What’s Up to Dupree. The 3D lays out Dupree but Grenier makes save. Now a cameraman lays out D-Von with a camera to the head to retain the titles. It’s Rob Conway of course.

Rating: D+. That’s a pretty lame choice for an opener. Not only did the fans not get what they wanted but the match sucked as well. This was a dark time for the tag team division and there was no reason at all for there to be two sets of titles at this point. At the end of the day there wasn’t nearly enough depth and it made for lame matches like this. The Dudleys would get the belts next month.

Spike tries to run in for the save but Conway lays him out with the camera. Conway hasn’t been named here but I think the spoiler is ok at this point.

Coach says La Resistance was clever so Bubba accuses him of being anti-American and vows to get the belts back.

Eric Bischoff is warming up when Intercontinental Champion Christian comes up. He wants to know why he isn’t on the show but Bischoff blames Co-GM Steve Austin. Christian isn’t pleased but offers to be in Eric’s corner for his match later. Bischoff says he has his own plan and won’t answer what happens in the bedroom with Linda. Eric says he’ll tell everyone later.

We recap A-Train vs. Undertaker. A-Train (Tensai) is working for Vince who is in a semi-war with Taker, setting up tonight’s match. This would evolve into a bigger war soon enough.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

A-Train comes out with Vince’s mistress Sable and Undertaker has bad ribs. Feeling out process to start with A-Train grabbing a few headlocks for early control. Taker hits a quick Russian legsweep for two and he cranks on the arm to set up Old School. The second attempt works a bit better and Taker stays on the arm. A big boot misses and Taker falls out to the floor, reinjuring the ribs.

A-Train starts pounding away on the ribs and sends them into the barricade for two back in the ring. Taker gets in some shots to the ribs of his own for a breather but A-Train comes back with an impressive suplex to take him down. This is the kind of character A-Train was perfect as: a heavy who could do some impressive moves at times. A-Train fights out of a sleeper with a belly to back suplex but Taker hits a quick Snake Eyes to get a breather. A big boot misses the big bald head and a double clothesline puts each other down.

Taker wins a slugout after A-Train hung in there a lot longer than expected. Now the big boot sets up the legdrop (BROTHER) for two and another legdrop to the back of the head with A-Train on the apron has the bald one staggered. The Last Ride is easily broken up but the referee is bumped.

A-Train hits the Derailer (chokebomb) but the delayed count only gets two. Taker accidentally clotheslines the referee down again (the second match does NOT warrant two ref bumps) and A-Train brings in a chair, only to have it cracked over his own head for a near fall. A-Train escapes a tombstone but gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What are you expecting out of this match? This was back when Taker was pretty bad in the ring due to being completely unmotivated and bored with the biker character. Thankfully he would be the Dead Man again by Wrestlemania and would eventually reignite his career around 2007.

Post match Sable tries to seduce Taker for some reason but Stephanie comes in to go after her, presumably setting up a mixed tag.

Coach polls some fans on who wins the Chamber.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Shane was feuding with Kane but Bischoff stopped them from fighting. Austin made Bischoff vs. Shane for that night but Kane interfered and cost Shane the match (he later tied Shane to the steps and electrocuted his testicles. It was stupid back then and it’s even worse now. This is what I had to deal with people).

Later, Bischoff caused JR to nearly be lit on fire, so Austin had to prevent a lawsuit by making Kane vs. Bischoff but Kane walked away for some reason, giving Bischoff the win by countout. This was a qualifying match for a Summerslam match with Kane, making our match tonight. Then Bischoff went to Linda’s house and pinned her arm behind her back and kissed her against her will.Think that’s enough to set up this match?

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Wrestlemania moment. Kind of an odd time for one of these but Shawn superkicking Bret was an awesome moment.

We see Kevin Nash getting ready. JR: “Nash is a street fighter at heart.” I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Flair and HHH tell Orton to keep the title on the Game tonight and nothing more.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.

Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.

Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.

Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.

Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.

Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.

We recap Brock Lesnar destroying Zack Gowen on Smackdown (good for him). Lesnar had him COVERED in blood and rubbed the blood on his own chest. Gowen had his leg broken in two places so he couldn’t face Matt Hardy tonight. Matt declared himself the winner on Heat like a good heel would.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Angle lost to Brock in the main event of Wrestlemania, leading to Vengeance where Angle pinned Lesnar in a three way to get the title back. The two of them became best friends and friendly rivals, leading to Brock wanting a rematch. Vince said no, but if Lesnar can beat Vince in a cage with Angle as referee, he can have the shot. Before the match, someone attacked Brock and laid him out with a concussion. Brock popped up and turned on Angle, revealing that he’s working for Vince as the new heavy and getting the title shot for tonight. Vince called this the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending of course. Brock shoves him in the corner to show off the power so Angle starts getting lower. They hit the technical stuff on the mat but Brock escapes into a standoff. Brock quickly takes him down with a headscissors but it’s Angle escaping to another stalemate. Lesnar shoves him around with the power so Angle leverages him into the corner and says bring it on. Some quick armdrags send Brock out to the floor and various things are destroyed in frustration.

Lesnar picks up the belt and tries to walk out with it but Kurt pounds him down in the aisle to start the brawling. Back in and Angle snaps off the first overhead belly to belly for two before stomping him down in the corner. Brock comes right back with a gorilla press and throws Angle out to the floor. Angle is sent into the steps as this is far different from the Wrestlemania match. Back in and Brock hits a release belly to belly without leaving his feet.

Angle slips out of another gorilla press and gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. We hit the rear naked choke on Angle which is turned into a bodyscissors. Angle fights up but runs into a knee to the ribs to put him right back down. Kurt is pounded into the corner but grabs a rollup for two, only to be clotheslined back down. The story of this match isn’t working as well as their first fight. This is much more of a traditional wrestling match with good vs. evil and that’s not what these two are best at.

Lesnar comes right back with something like a Muscle Buster for two, followed up by shoulders to the ribs in the corner. Brock sends him into the corner to stay on the ribs and back before firing off more shoulders in the corner. Angle finally moves to avoid a charge, sending Brock shoulder first into the post. A dropkick takes Brock’s knee out and Angle rolls some Germans for a close two. Brock comes back with an overhead belly to belly of his own but Angle pops up and tries the Slam, only to be countered into a spinebuster for a close two. The fans are into this match.

Angle counters an F5 into a DDT and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two for the champion and there go the straps. The Angle Slam connects but Brock is up at two as per tradition. In one of my favorite moments, Angle puts the straps up so he can take them back down, firing himself up even more. There’s the ankle lock but Brock makes a rope. Angle pulls him back so the rope doesn’t count in a questionable call, so Lesnar rolls out, bumping the referee in the process.

Lesnar sends him into the corner and Angle tries a sunset flip but stops before going down, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck in a choke before putting on another ankle lock. Lesnar eventually taps but there’s no referee so here’s Vince with a chair to Angle’s back to break the hold. Brock gets to his one good foot and hits a pretty awesome one legged F5 for a delayed two. Vince demands another F5 but Angle counters into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope but again Angle pulls him to the middle for no break. Brock grabs all four bottom ropes but the referee doesn’t break it, forcing Brock to tap out.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but the ending never worked for me. At the end of the day, if you touch the ropes the hold is supposed to be broken. That’s wrestling 101, but for some reason it doesn’t count at the end of this match. The match was good but it was overbooked when you have these two being able to own whatever ring they’re in. The Vince stuff was annoying but that’s what you have to expect in WWE.

Post match Vince tries to jump Angle again but gets Angle Slammed through a chair for his efforts. And on Vince’s birthday too.

Goldberg is listening to an iPod to get ready. That’s such a wrong image.

Some Arizona Diamondbacks are here.

We recap Kane vs. RVD. They had been friends and tag champions but Kane lost a match to HHH, forcing him to unmask. This unleashed Kane’s inner demons for the 10^th time or so, turning him into a psycho who lit JR on fire. Kane swore everyone was laughing at him even though RVD told him everything was fine. Kane beat up RVD in a match and tombstoned Linda McMahon on a stage to start his feud with Shane, leading to a rematch with Rob here tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Fink says this is No Holds Barred. So does that make Kane Zeus? JR calls Kane an inbred mongrel dog, which isn’t that high up on his list of sayings. Van Dam fires off right hands to start but Kane takes him to the floor with a few uppercuts. Kane charges into a boot and gets kicked in the face to put the monster down. Kane easily slugs him down and pulls out a ladder. Van Dam manages to smash the end of it to drive the ladder into Kane’s face, only to have Rolling Thunder caught by the throat.

RVD kicks out of the chokeslam but gets knocked out to the floor as the brawl continues. Kane sends him into the steps and is in full on monster mode. Back in and Van Dam scores with a kick and some shoulders to the ribs for two. Rob goes up top but gets shoved down onto the barricade to give Kane control again. A ladder to the face gets two back in the ring and a big clothesline puts Van Dam down again.

We hit the slow motion part of the match as Kane pounds on Van Dam very slowly to stop the crowd from being interested. Van Dam is backdropped to the floor but Kane badly botches the top rope clothesline, nearly falling on his head and dying. Kane avoids another ladder shot and DDTs Van Dam on he floor, only to have Rob catch a charging Kane in a drop toehold to send him face first into the steps. Kane is kicked into the crowd and crotched as he tries to come back to ringside.

Van Dam’s spin kick off the apron puts Kane down again as this match just keeps going. Back in and Rolling Thunder onto the chair crushes Kane but Rob can’t follow up. Kane sits up but gets caught by a Van Daminator. Rob loads up the Van Terminator but Kane rolls away at the last second. They head to the floor and Kane tombstones Rob onto the steps, killing him dead for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was an ok brawl but it went on WAY too long. At the end of the day this was just a rest stop on the way to Kane vs. Shane next month which was probably the more interesting feud anyway. The match was Van Dam trying his best but not being able to keep Kane down. It certainly wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t many steps above one.

Eric is annoyed that Terri is asking him questions. Linda comes in and slaps Bischoff in the face.

HHH looks at the world title.

The Chamber is lowered.

We recap the world title match. There isn’t much to this other than HHH is injured and can’t fight Goldberg one on one so we get an Elimination Chamber instead. Goldberg is in for obvious reasons, Jericho and Nash have been feuding lately, Orton is there to give HHH a hand and Shawn is there for past issues with HHH. This gets the music video treatment, set to St. Anger by Metallica.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

After about 12 minutes of entrances we start with Shawn vs. Jericho, who will go for three minutes. After that time is up, a pod will open to release another wrestler. Three more minutes and another pod opens. This repeats until everyone is in and it’s last man standing wins. Eliminations can occur at any time and have to take place in the ring, not on the cage floor outside the ring next to the pods. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho rolls through a cross body for two.

They trade chain wrestling moves into a pinfall reversal sequence as the fans chant for Goldberg. Back up and Shawn slaps him in the face before backdropping him down. Jericho’s Walls attempt is countered into a small package for two but Jericho comes back with a bulldog to take Shawn down. JR screws up the world title continuity by saying the title has only changed hands once in Phoenix, but that’s the other world title. Not that it matters to WWE but they make such a big deal about the continuity that it’s worth pointing out.

Anyway Orton is #3 and gets two off a high cross to Shawn. Michaels is clotheslined to the cage floor but he comes back in to pound away on Jericho. Randy dropkicks him down and stomps Jericho down against the ropes but can’t RKO Shawn. Instead Orton is sent to the cage floor by a combined effort, only to have Jericho put Shawn in the Walls. Kevin Nash is in at #4 to make the save and go after Jericho as Shawn and Orton brawl in the ring. Jericho’s face is rubbed against the cage to give us our first blood.

Nash (with short blonde hair here for a movie) cleans house but walks into a superkick into a rollup for the pin by Jericho. Nash was in there about two minutes or so. HHH is #5 but Shawn superkicks him before he can get out of the pod to make sure the injured champion doesn’t have to do much. Nash lays out Jericho, Orton and Shawn with Jackknives, leaving everyone down for a massive dead spot. Shawn is busted as well.

They finally get back up to slug it out as JR talks about Oklahoma for no apparent reason. Here’s Goldberg at #6 to FINALLY wake the crowd up a bit. He cleans house and clotheslines Jericho and Shawn down before spearing Orton down for the pin, leaving us with four. Jericho hits a quick missile dropkick for two on Goldberg but he launches Chris into the cage to put him back down.

Goldberg sends Shawn into the corner before spearing Jericho through the glass pod. Goldberg is dazed though, allowing Shawn to drop the elbow to set up Sweet Chin Music. This is Goldberg though so the kick is blocked by a spear and the Jackhammer gets us down to three. A quick spear and Jackhammer to Jericho leaves us with HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH is still in the pod as he’s been in the match for about six minutes now and literally hasn’t done anything.

Flair shoves the pod door closed to save HHH so Goldberg kicks the pod door in so we can actually have a match. Goldberg pounds away in the pod before sending HHH face first into the cage. The champion is busted open but he FINALLY gets in a kick to the leg and sends Goldberg into the cage. Goldberg comes right back with a clothesline and they head into the ring. The spear is loaded up but hits the sledgehammer that Flair slid in, keeping the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well and the ending sums up everything wrong with Raw in 2003. The fans were primed for a Goldberg title win, HHH was injured and had no business being in the match anyway, Goldberg dominated the match, HHH literally hit two offensive moves in ten minutes of match time, but HHH uses the sledgehammer to retain the title. Yeah Goldberg got the title a month later, but THIS is the match people remember because THIS is the big show. HHH wins at the big show, the monster wins the next month at the B show. Does this sound familiar to fans in 2013?

As for the rest of the match, there’s nothing going on here. It’s less than twenty minutes long from bell to bell and the three minute intervals really hold this down. No one had time to do anything, making it more like the 1995 Rumble than anything else. It’s just not very good and the ending sucked whatever life it had out of the match. Again, 2003 Raw just wasn’t that good and this match sums up why.

Post match HHH and Evolution gets to destroy Goldberg again with the hammer to really pound in who is the star. Goldberg is handcuffed to the cage so HHH can shove the belt in his face and remind him who the champion is to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s some good stuff on here but the HHH factor drags it down again. I’ve said this a lot tonight but 2003 just wasn’t a good year overall. It’s a bunch of matches and feuds that people don’t want to see but we have the same McMahon nonsense over and over again because WWE is their playground and they can do whatever they like. Over on Raw HHH gets to keep the title FOREVER despite being hurt and having beasts like Benoit and Guerrero waiting in the wings to be the next guys. Did they pan out in the end? No, but at this point no one knew that was the case and HHH got the title as a result.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: C

Redo: D+

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

Redo: N/A

Tajiri vs. Rhyno vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: B

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Goldberg vs. HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C

So I liked almost all of the matches more or the same the first time, but the overall rating is much higher this time. Not surprising.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

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