Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the second of three redos this year and it is a show that I have seen quite a few times over the years. WWE knows how to bust out the big anniversary shows and that is what we will be seeing here. The fact that the show is in Madison Square Garden makes it even better. The main event is HHH defending the Raw World Title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels in a match that I think might work. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sing America the Beautiful with a VERY patriotic montage.

The opening video features Vince McMahon walking out of the shadows and talking about how he had a vision twenty years ago which shaped everything today. This gives us the always awesome montage of Wrestlemania clips, which really is their strong suit. They know how to make things feel special and that is what they did here. Speaking of special, the video ends with Shane McMahon now next to Vince and presenting his son, Vince’s first grandchild, as the narrator talks about where it all begins again. That has always stuck with me since I saw this show for the first time and it is great.

In a change from the usual MSG setup, the entrance is on the left instead of opposite the hard camera, though there is a large screen showing the current match.

We get the traditional welcome from the multiple commentary teams.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging and is on fire here, while Big Show has defended the title less than three times since winning it back in October. Cena’s rap mocks Show’s anatomy in various ways and promises that he’ll win the title tonight. Show shoves him away to start but Cena is back with the right hands. Cena’s shots are shrugged off though and he gets sent outside, setting up a powerslam for two back inside.

The fans think Show sucks as he slowly hammers Cena down, including a slam. We get the required standing on Cena’s chest/throat and a suplex drops Cena again. More standing, this time on Cena’s back, seems to wake him up a bit but Show kicks him in the face. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the frustration starts setting in fast. Powered by the fans (his kind always is), Cena slips out of a slam and grabs a choke, which earns him a hard clotheslines.

Show is back with the cobra clutch but Cena powers out again and avoids a charge in the corner. The FU barely gets two though and now it’s Cena being stunned. With nothing else working, Cena grabs his chain, which is taken away by the competent referee. Instead it’s the brass knuckles off Show’s head, setting up the FU to give the filthy cheater the pin and the title at 9:20.

Rating: C. This was more of a coronation than anything else and it came at the end of a not very interesting match. The problem with someone like Show is there are only so many things that you can do with him. Cena has the power to make it work a little better, but this isn’t the best time in Show’s history and it was obvious here. That being said, this was ALL about Cena and as long as he left with the title, nothing else mattered.

Coach is walking through the back and after meeting various people like Tom Prichard and Teddy Long, he goes in to see Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff (with assistant Johnny Nitro), who wants to make sure that Undertaker is here. Bischoff sends Coach to find him but Coach isn’t exactly comfortable with that. He goes anyway, as Bischoff doesn’t really care.

Evolution, minus HHH, is in a stairwell, with Randy Orton talking about how it’s ironic that we are back here in MSG where he became the new Hardcore Legend. We see a clip of Orton kicking Mick Foley down these steps, which made Foley walk away back in December. Then Foley came back, when Orton spat in his face. Foley can’t accept that life has passed him by, just like evolution.

We see clips of Foley being beaten up over and over, including a segment where Foley told Orton to really hit him in the face. Evolution has gotten bored with it, just like Foley, so he called Hollywood to get the Rock. Then Evolution beat him down too and they’ll do it again tonight. It all started here in MSG, and tonight it all ends here as well. This one always stuck out for me too, just because of the different location.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T. vs. Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

Van Dam and Booker are defending (with their pretty terrible mashup theme) and this is one fall to a finish. Dupree and Van Dam start things off with a monkey flip sending Dupree flying. Booker beats up La Resistance but it’s off to Bubba for the hard lockup. A neckbreaker drops Booker for two and the snap jabs put him down again. D-Von comes in so Van Dam takes him down with a top rope kick to the face, showing that he too is a filthy cheater by coming in without a tag.

Jindrak tags himself in to stomp away on Booker and it’s Dupree coming back in to drive Booker into the corner. Conway cranks on both arms with a knee in Booker’s back for far too long until a spinebuster breaks things up. The hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house but D-Von shoves him off the top to break up the Five Star. Everything breaks down and Cade saves Booker from the 3D. Booker kicks Conway down and the Five Star retains the titles at 7:54.

Rating: C-. This is one of the most “yeah whatever” matches I can remember in a long time. There were too many people involved and it was only so good because of all of the people running around. Also, why are you using a minute of an eight minute match on a rest hold? You have eight people involved but we spent that long on Conway pulling Booker’s arms? Really?

Coach goes to find Undertaker and is told there are some “freakish noises” coming from a door. He heads to the door, which is being knocked back and forth. Gene Okerlund, pulling his clothes come back on, comes out, followed by Bobby Heenan, whose shirt is undone. Coach wonders what is going on, but Heenan says they were playing poker. Heenan: “He was dealing.” Coach wants to know what was going on in there, so here are Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young, who grab Gene and Heenan and drag them back in. Heenan: “No I don’t want to go back! I haven’t been well!” This still gets me every time.

We recap Christian vs. Chris Jericho. They used to be best friends and made a bet about who could be more, ahem, successful with Lita and Trish Stratus respectively. Lita kind of went away, but Jericho started to fall for Trish. She found out about the bet and yelled at Jericho, who then tried to win her back. Christian turned on Jericho to get him to be the old Jericho again, setting up the match. This was a really detailed story and I’ve always liked it for telling a coherent story throughout. You don’t get that often and it was one of the best of the era.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian

They fight over a lockup to start and go into the corner, with Christian shoving him instead of giving a clean break. Jericho punches him in the face and starts throwing knees to take over, setting up the running elbow. A kick to the face and a backdrop to the floor keep Christian in trouble and Jericho hits a bit dive to take him down again. Back in and Christian manages to belly to back suplex him to the floor to take over for the first time.

The neck crank goes on back inside, followed by a chinlock with a knee in Jericho’s back. A spinwheel kick gives Christian two and it’s time to slap Jericho in the face a few times. That earns him a head to head collision though and they’re both down. The slugout goes to Jericho and he hits the running crotch attack to the back in the ropes. The step up enziguri gives Jericho two but Christian reverses a rollup into one of his own, with a grab of the rope getting two.

Jericho’s bulldog sets up the Lionsault to Christian’s raised knees and a reverse tornado DDT gives Christian two of his own. Jericho is right back up with his swinging sleeper drop but he gets tossed off the top, banging up his knee in the process. Christian’s high crossbody is rolled through so he kicks Jericho in the knee. The Texas Cloverleaf goes on for a bit until Jericho reverses into the Walls.

Christian is in the ropes almost immediately and he rolls outside….with Jericho holding on and keeping the Walls on outside. Back in and a butterfly superplex gives Jericho two and here is Trish Stratus to slap the apron. An implant DDT gives Christian two, which draws Trish up to the apron. Christian shoves her down so Jericho sends him outside. Trish elbows Jericho in the face (it’s unclear if she could see who it was) and Christian’s rollup with tights is enough for the pin at 14:44.

Rating: B. This got going once it became a regular match and these two have more than enough talent to make a longer match work. Christian certainly needed the win more than Jericho here, as it was a big boost in probably his biggest singles win ever. Jericho winning here ends the feud so having Christian move up is the right way to go. Good match too, and that really shouldn’t be surprising.

Post match Trish is upset and apologizes to Jericho. Christian comes back but Trish turns on Jericho and slaps him on the face, setting up the Unprettier. Evil Trish leaves with Christian and we get the semi-famous kiss on the stage in the next big step for both of them.

Mick Foley is fired up to be back in Madison Square Garden and needs to get in that mindset to put all of this anger and emotion on Evolution. The Rock interrupts and is VERY fired up, saying he has finally come back…..home. After telling Lilian Garcia not to look at the People’s package (which she does), Rock steals the cameraman to come with him and sees Hurricane and Rosey, Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco and then goes all the way into the arena for a shot of the crowd. They’re ready for Evolution and it’s weird seeing Rock and Foley as these two big serious guys going up against evil.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

No recap video here, but it’s basically Foley fighting Randy Orton and the two of them both have major backup. Rock and Foley clear the ring to start before Rock and Flair settle things down, giving the New York fans a crazy dream match. A shoulder puts Flair down and Rock busts out a strut, with Flair coming back up for a WOO. The chops don’t do Flair any good and Rock hits a backdrop to send him rolling outside.

Foley follows him out and drops Flair with a clothesline before coming in himself. That sends Orton bailing to the floor so Foley is right there to send him into the announcers’ table. Back in and Rock takes over on Orton (there’s a dream match we never got), but has to punch Flair and Batista off the apron. The distraction is enough for Batista to come in and take over, allowing Flair to hit some more effective chops. We get the big strut and Flair goes up top and….oh you know the deal.

Batista comes back in before Rock can bring in Foley but the tag brings in Foley a few seconds later anyway. Foley fights out of the corner and hammers Batista down but that huge Batista clothesline cuts his down. Some double teaming on the floor has Foley in more trouble and there’s the big whip to send him knees first into the steps (taking that bump so many times explains so much about why Foley walks that way).

Back in and Foley and Flair slug it out until Orton can come in and pull at Foley’s hair for a reverse chinlock. Batista adds some clotheslines but Foley slips in a quick Mandible Claw. In a smarter move than you would expect from a musclehead like this version of Batista, he waves Orton in for the save instead of getting in more trouble. Flair comes back in and gets forearmed in the face, allowing the really easy tag back to Rock. House is cleaned but Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster.

That lets Flair….load up the People’s Elbow (complete with throwing an invisible elbow pad), but again he takes too long, allowing Rock to nip up and really clean house. The spinebuster plants Flair, setting up a People’s Elbow, complete with strut, for a delayed two. There’s the Rock Bottom to Orton with Flair making the save.

Flair grabs a chair but the distraction lets the Batista Bomb hit Rock to give Orton two (in the same way Batista helped Orton beat Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series 2003). The real hot tag brings in Foley to clean house but the Mandible Claw takes too long (theme of the match) and Orton grabs an RKO for the pin at 17:55.

Rating: B+. The more I see this match, the more I like it, as you have Rock and Flair doing everything they could to steal the show and Foley going after Orton every chance he could. Batista was in there with the muscle and it made for a great showcase. It was every bit the big moment that they were shooting for and it made me want to see a bunch of these combinations again. That wouldn’t happen for the most part, but dang they made this one work really well, as the match itself was a backdrop to just doing entertaining stuff, leaving the crowd completely in their hands.

Hall of Fame video recap, featuring Heenan’s “I wish Monsoon was here”, which will get me every single time.

The Hall of Fame class is introduced by Gene Okerlund:

Bobby Heenan (still playing to the crowd as only he can)
Tito Santana (about as perfect of a midcarder as you could have)
Big John Studd (represented by his son)
Harley Race (yep, though billing him as The King is a bit odd)
Pete Rose (booed, but apparently very grateful for the honor so points for that)
Don Muraco (I could go for more of him, as you don’t see him brought up very often)
Greg Valentine (who looks like he is ready for Wrestlemania IV)
Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter)
Billy Graham (there’s an influential one)
Sgt. Slaughter (with the salutes)
Jesse Ventura (I could listen to that voice talk about anything, as long as he jabs McMahon)

This was the first class in almost ten years and it is a heck of a group, though no one really stands out as a headliner.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Playboy Evening Gown match, as Jackie and Stacy are jealous of the other two for being in the magazine. Hold on though as Sable wants to start minus the evening gowns. That’s exactly what we do, with commentary reacting exactly as you would expect them to. Jackie won’t drop her gown so it gets ripped off of her to start fast. Sable kicks at Jackie’s ribs in the corner and Torrie comes in with a high crossbody.

Stacy comes in (taking her time to come over the ropes) and throws in a cartwheel. The Kevin Nash choke in the corner doesn’t do Stacy much good so they go to the pinfall reversal sequence for various camera shots. Stacy’s kick to the face gets two on Torrie before it’s back to Jackie. The referee gets rolled over and it’s Torrie reversing a rollup for the pin on Jackie at 2:32. This is exactly what you would have expected it to be.

Fans have come from various states and countries for the show.

WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero says he has Chris Benoit’s back win or lose, but Benoit doesn’t like the word lose. Eddie says no one believes in him but Benoit says he believes in himself and tonight is his night. That’s what Eddie wanted to hear.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (with his dad) is defending and will enter last in the ten person gauntlet. Everyone gets their entrance (with Ultimo Dragon’s two slips edited out, thankfully) and it’s Shannon Moore in at #1 and Ultimo Dragon in at #2. Dragon works on the arm to start but Moore shoulders him down for….well not much really. Back up and Moore misses a Whisper in the Wind, allowing Dragon to hit his standing Sliced Bread for the elimination at 1:19.

Jamie Noble is in at #3 to jump Dragon from behind with a clothesline for two. Dragon is right back with his alternating kicks for two but he has to bail out of a moonsault. A neckbreaker drops Dragon and a guillotine choke finishes him off at 2:17 (total). Funaki is in at #4 and hits a high crossbody but Noble rolls through for the pin at 2:27.

Nunzio is in at #5 as commentary brings up SD Jones getting pinned in nine seconds at Wrestlemania. Some quick rollups give Nunzio two but Noble sends him outside for the HUGE flip dive off the top. They take turns pulling each other off the apron until Noble gets the countout elimination at 4:20.

Billy Kidman is in at #6 to jump Noble from behind (again with the filthy cheaters) and Nunzio pulls Noble to the floor. Instead of standing around, Kidman hits a crazy top rope shooting star onto the two of them for the almost terrifying landing. Thankfully Kidman is able to throw Noble back inside for two but has to fight out of the guillotine. An enziguri sets up the shooting star press, but Kidman has to fight Noble off. That’s fine enough, as the super BK Bomb gets rid of Noble at 6:12.

Rey Mysterio (as the Flash) is in at #7 and the top rope seated senton connects, only to have Kidman blast him with a dropkick. Mysterio hits his own dropkick to send Kidman outside but Akio snaps Rey’s throat across the top. Kidman’s spinebuster gets two so he puts Rey on top, only to get pulled down with a sunset bomb for the elimination at 7:30.

It’s Tajiri in at #8 to kick away at Mysterio and the Tarantula makes it worse. That doesn’t last long (just shy of five seconds oddly enough) and it’s the 619 to rock Tajiri. The springboard….something misses though and Tajiri loads up the mist, which hits an interfering Akio by mistake.

Rey grabs a rollup to get rid of Tajiri at 8:39 and apparently the mist means Akio can’t go, so Chavo is in at #10 to complete the field. Tajiri cheap shots Rey so Chavo gets two but Rey fights up and takes Chavo Sr. down. The running flip dive takes out Sr. again (well that seemed excessive) so Jr. grabs a rollup, with Sr. grabbing his hands to retain the title at 10:31.

Rating: C. This was the next match in the “well, here are a bunch of people” series of matches on the show. I’ve never gotten the logic of these matches as you have people getting falls in a minute when usual matches take five times as long as one elimination here. At the same time, Chavo just keeps the title, making this quite the uninteresting showcase, save for Kidman’s big spots.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They talked trash to each other at the Royal Rumble and then Lesnar interfered in said Rumble to help eliminate Goldberg. Then Goldberg cost Lesnar the WWE Title so we have this match, with Steve Austin as guest referee. As a result, the feud wound up being Lesnar vs. Austin, as Austin gave Goldberg the idea to help cost Lesnar the title. Then Lesnar stole Austin’s ATV and Goldberg was just kind of there too. Oh and both Goldberg and Lesnar are leaving after the show and everyone knows about it.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Steve Austin is guest referee. Lesnar and Goldberg do their big entrances and we immediately hit the YOU SOLD OUT chants (pick your target). They stare at each other for almost a minute and Austin tells them to go at it. Now it’s the Goodbye Song as I try to get my mind around the idea of Lesnar having a tiny goatee coming in. They stare at each other some more as commentary talks about Lesnar going to the NFL.

There’s no contact for the first two minutes so Austin stares at both of them as he figures out that this is going to be a long night. They finally lock up after about 2:50 and that stays on for nearly 40 seconds with both of them letting go. They fight over another lockup, and by fight I mean they’re standing there with their arms around each other’s heads. Fans: “THIS MATCH SUCKS!”

Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first offensive move about five minutes in. They trade shoulders with neither going anywhere so they go nose to nose to yell at each other. The double shoulder puts them both down and then stare at each other a bit. Goldberg FINALLY picks him up in a gorilla press for a spinebuster but the spear only hits buckle. After a GOLDBERG SUCKS chant, Lesnar throws him back inside for some suplexes and a standing choke as Lawler desperately tries to turn this into a Raw vs. Smackdown thing.

That goes on for a long time as well until Goldberg fights out and they collide again, earning some straight booing. Goldberg fights up again and hits some clotheslines into a swinging neckbreaker. The spear gets two so Goldberg yells at Austin, allowing Lesnar to come back with the F5 for two. Now it’s Lesnar yelling at Austin, meaning he misses a spear of his own. Goldberg hits the spear and the Jackhammer gets rid of Lesnar for about eight years.

Rating: D-. Of course the match is terrible and a form of torture in 14 states, but there is some kind of perverse entertainment out of the whole thing. This wasn’t designed to be an entertaining match but rather two guys just messing around until they did a few things and called it a match. It’s an all time mess, but it’s a bit different than a match being a wreck just because it isn’t any good. This one is so bad that it’s fun in a way, which is a very different thing.

Post match we get beer and Stunners as the fans are pleased with Austin for knocking out those two after that match.

Wrestlemania XXI is in Los Angeles.

In a very nice moment, Vince McMahon comes out to thank the fans for being there for twenty years of Wrestlemania. This is the kind of genuine feeling moment that you do not get in modern WWE and it was kind of sweet.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA vs. Too Cool

Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi) are defending and again it’s one fall to a finish. Benjamin jumps Bradshaw to start and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Doug Basham tags himself in and suplexes Benjamin down for two, with Haas having to make the save. Back up and Benjamin slams Doug onto Haas’ knee and it’s off to Scotty to run Haas over.

That lets Scotty stop to dance but he gets thrown over the top. Scotty is fine enough to skin the cat but Haas catches him on his shoulders, allowing Benjamin to hit the running jump onto his back. The Bashams come in and hit a double suplex on Scotty to take over as the heat segment in the second four way Tag Team Title match on a four and a half hour show continues.

Scotty finally flips out of a belly to back suplex and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. Haas takes the Stinkface and Bradshaw fall away slams Doug over the top and onto a pile on the floor. The Clothesline From Bradshaw hits Danny but Rikishi takes Bradshaw out and sits on Danny to retain at 6:03.

Rating: D+. It was about the same as the first four way, but this would probably be the first match that needed to be cut to trim some of the time off this very long show. Rikishi and Scotty are another on the long list of forgotten teams to hold the titles and it isn’t like this was anything memorable either.

Dancing ensues post match.

Edge is coming back after over a year away with a neck injury.

Here is Jesse Ventura to interview someone so he picks…..Donald Trump, who happens to be in the front row. Jesse plugs the Apprentice and suggests that he is going to run for President, even asking for Trump’s financial and moral support. Sure, and we’ll move on as fast as we can.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Victoria is defending and this is title vs. hair, which was the only way they could get this match on the show so the two of them immediately agreed. Molly forearms her down to start and hits a running hip attack in the corner. Back up and Victoria spins out of a wristlock and Molly needs an early breather. She gets back in and grabs a snap suplex for two on Victoria, setting up a basement dropkick for two more.

The neck crank is on as Lawler goes into a discussion of Molly’s underwear. JR: “What does that have to do with this wrestling match?” Victoria fights up and hits a powerslam for two as JR wants some hot tea. Molly is sat on top and comes back with a sunset bomb for two of her own. For some reason Molly tries the Widow’s Peak (Victoria’s finisher) but Victoria reverses into a rollup to retain at 4:54.

Rating: C. They were victims of the time problems again here as there is only so much you can do in less than five minutes. The good thing is that the two of them are talented enough to make something out of nothing so the match was certainly watchable, even if it was more about setting up the post match stuff. It’s literally a case of this being the best WWE could give them though and that is better than just cutting the match.

Post match Molly tries to run away but gets sleepered out and tied in the chair for the big hair cut.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Title. Angle attacked Eddie because he didn’t want a former drug addict as the WWE Champion (the future would not be kind to this story for Angle). Therefore, it is time for a real hero to take the title but Eddie isn’t standing for this. Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman has gotten in on Angle’s side and has helped him destroy Eddie more than once, including once when Eddie’s hands were handcuffed behind his back. Now it’s time for revenge.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is defending and the haircut is continuing as Angle makes his entrance. They start slowly with Eddie actually taking him down but making the mistake of trying to go amateur with him. Angle’s headlock takeover works rather well but Eddie as we get the LET’S GO ANGLE/ANGLE SUCKS chants. Eddie gets a fireman’s carry takeover but Angle flips over into a front facelock without much trouble.

A backdrop gets Eddie out of trouble and he armdrags Angle over into an armbar, setting in the frustration. Angle fights up and gets an abdominal stretch to stretch Eddie’s abdominals before hitting a German suplex. The second is escaped and Eddie winds up on the apron, where he has to block the German suplex to the floor. A dropkick puts Angle down but Eddie’s big dive only hits the barricade to bang up his ribs even more.

Some shoulders to the ribs set up a bodyscissors but Eddie jawbreaks his way to freedom. That lasts for all of two seconds as Angle drops the ribs across the top rope and snaps off an overhead belly to belly. Now it’s a waistlock to stay on the ribs and another belly to belly gives Angle another two. Eddie manages a quick knockdown though and goes up for the frog splash, which only hits mat.

The frustrated Angle starts throwing right hands, which just fire Eddie up enough to start his comeback. The rolling German suplexes cut that off in a hurry but the Angle Slam is countered into an armdrag. Two Amigos connect until Angle picks the ankle but Eddie kicks him off immediately. Eddie goes up but Angle is right there with the run up the ropes belly to belly superplex for the big crash back down.

Angle runs him over again though and the straps come down, setting up the Angle Slam. Eddie breaks that up as well and it’s a DDT to set up the frog splash for a rather close two. The ankle lock goes on again so Eddie rolls him outside and starts untying his boot to loosen the pressure. Back in and the angry Angle grabs the ankle lock, only to have Eddie kick him away and lose his boot. Angle is so stunned that he gets small packaged to retain Eddie’s title at 21:33.

Rating: A-. This was more about the psychology as Angle was hyper focused and Eddie eventually suckered him in with the boot. It made for a great finish, but it also came after an awesome match with Angle taking Eddie apart as only he could and Eddie having to survive. The ending was a very Eddie way to retain the title and that grin is hard to turn down. Absolutely a Wrestlemania match and an instant classic that doesn’t get the credit it deserves.

We recap Undertaker vs. Kane in the return of the Dead Man. Kane had turned on Undertaker and buried him alive (again) because he thought Undertaker was going soft. Then the gong went off at the Royal Rumble and Kane realized he was in trouble. Now Undertaker is back and it’s time for some revenge.

Kane vs. Undertaker

It’s the first time the Dead Man has been back since 1999 and Paul Bearer is right there with him. We also have torch bearing druids, because you always need torch bearing druids. Kane is already panicked and shouts that Undertaker isn’t real, because somehow Kane still doesn’t get how Undertaker works. Undertaker finally starts punching away against the ropes and they head to the floor for a slugout. That goes to Undertaker, who hits the apron legdrop to stun Kane again.

Back in and Kane kicks him in the face and it turns into a slugout on the mat for a change. The side slam plants Undertaker again, setting up the top rope clothesline for two. Undertaker fights right back with more right hands and tries Old School, which is pulled out of the air by the throat. The chokeslam plants Undertaker but Kane poses instead of covering. Undertaker sits up and stares at Kane mid pose, meaning it’s time for the real beating. Right hands, the chokeslam and the Tombstone finish Kane to make it 12-0 at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t about the match but rather Undertaker being back, so there was no reason to believe that Kane was any serious threat. What mattered here was having Undertaker get back in the ring and destroy Kane because he is back in a big way. Kane was the designated victim here, which has been the case for him so many times now that he should be used to it.

We recap HHH defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit. Michaels and HHH went to a draw at the Royal Rumble so HHH retained the title. Then Benoit jumped to Raw and said he wanted the Raw World Title. The contract signing was set but Shawn ran in to interrupt, saying he needed that one more shot. He took out Benoit and signed the contract, because WWE continues to not get how contracts work. Steve Austin then made the match a triple threat, with Shawn being the most wedged in challenger of all time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is defending in his weird white boots look. We go old school with the weapons check before Benoit sends HHH outside to start. That leaves Benoit to miss a backslide and Crossface on Shawn, who grabs a rollup for two. A northern lights suplex gives Benoit two but HHH is back in. Shawn has to skin the cat to get back inside, where he tosses Benoit out instead.

HHH is set outside as well, where he and Benoit are taken down by a baseball slide. Shawn’s big moonsault to the floor puts everyone down for a change until Benoit is left alone on the outside. The Pedigree is broken up by a returning Benoit, who fires off knees to Shawn’s ribs and sends him into the post. Shawn is fine enough to come back and tie Benoit in the Tree of Woe but HHH cuts Shawn off again.

The flying forearms drops HHH and Shawn nips up, only to have Benoit toss him outside. Benoit loads up the Swan Dive but gets crotched by Shawn, who misses Sweet Chin Music to HHH. A DDT sends Shawn outside and a superplex gets six (which is somehow not three) on Benoit. The Crossface goes on out of nowhere so Shawn has to dive in for the save. That earns Shawn some rolling German suplexes into a Swan Dive for a rather close two as HHH is still down.

Now it’s Shawn making the comeback and hammering on Benoit, who gets sent outside. HHH gets superkicked for two with Benoit making the save so everyone goes outside. Shawn gets posted and busted open so Benoit puts on the Crossface, with HHH having to grab the hand to block the tap. HHH sends Benoit into the steps and loads up the announcers’ table (it wouldn’t be Wrestlemania without it), with Shawn helping on a double suplex to put Benoit through said table.

NOW we get the big HHH vs. Shawn slugout, because that’s what the two of them probably wanted this to be the whole time. Shawn whips HHH over the corner for the crash to the floor, with HHH coming up bleeding. Back in and Shawn slowly gets the better of things but a quick Pedigree takes him down.

Benoit has to come back in for the save before sending Shawn outside. The Sharpshooter has HHH in trouble so Shawn breaks it up with the superkick for a delayed two. Benoit sends him outside and reverses the Pedigree into the Crossface. HHH can’t get the rope and Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring for the tap and the title at 24:08.

Rating: A+. Yes it’s still a masterpiece with nothing close to a misstep or weak part and that is not something you get to see very often. All three worked hard and at the end of the day, Benoit won clean over HHH via submission in the middle of the ring. This felt like the main event of a milestone show and it was an incredible match which has not gotten old every time I have seen it. That is hard to do and it certainly deserves the honor.

Benoit gets the HUGE celebration with the confetti falling. Eddie Guerrero comes in for the shot that is now iconic for all the wrong reasons and JR’s voice gives out with the shouting to end the show.

Well almost, as we get the highlight reel to really wrap it up.

Overall Rating: B. In case it wasn’t clear throughout, there are more than a few matches on this show that feel like they are there for the sake of getting people on the card. If you get rid of those matches, this is an all time classic, as well as having the show be under four hours. The rest of the show is pretty much an all timer (Goldberg vs. Lesnar aside) with the matches either feeling important or being great. Just trim it down and stop cramming things in and it’s that much better. It’s absolutely worth a look if you have seen it before or not, but have the fast forward button ready.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C-

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B-
2018 Redo: B
2022 Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B+

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2018 Redo: N/A
2022 Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F
2013 Redo: E
2015 Redo: F
2018 Redo: F
2022 Redo: D-

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-
2022 Redo: D+

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A
2022 Redo: A-

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D+
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: A-
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B

I think we’ve found about the definitive ratings for this one, or at least as close as you’re going to get after five looks at it.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2021
Date: January 31, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe, Tom Phillips

A year has passed and a lot of things have changed, including the lack of a Thunderdome. This is one of the last major shows without fans and it is going to be weird looking back at how different everything was just a year ago. I’m not sure what to expect from the card but the Rumble is always cool to see. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Asuka/Charlotte vs. Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax

Asuka/Charlotte are defending as Baszler and Jax’s never ending argument continues. I haven’t heard them argue yet, but since that was all the ever did, I’m going to take a guess. Before the match, Charlotte talks about how she isn’t worried about her dad and Lacey Evans because it’s time to defend the titles. Charlotte headlocks Baszler to start and then runs her over with a shoulder.

Asuka comes in to strike away but gets kicked down for her efforts. It’s off to Jax, who has to break out of an octopus hold, allowing Charlotte to come back in for a sunset flip. The fast tags continue as Asuka comes back in but gets stomped down in the wrong corner. Jax grabs the cobra clutch but is smart enough to let it go and knock Charlotte off the apron before Asuka can get over to the corner.

They go up top and it’s a sunset bomb to plant Jax down hard. Baszler is right there though to cut off the hot tag attempt, because the villains are smart here. Jax’s sitout powerbomb gets two on Asuka with Charlotte making a save. That’s enough for the hot tag to Charlotte and house is cleaned.

A double Natural Selection puts down both challengers but Baszler is back with a knee to the face for two on Charlotte. Asuka takes Jax down on the floor but it’s a top rope moonsault from Charlotte to drop them both again. Cue Ric Flair and Lacey Evans, with the latter saving Baszler from the Figure Eight with a loaded Woman’s Right. Jax adds the legdrop for the pin and the titles at 10:33.

Rating: C. Wow, a Ric Flair/Charlotte story. We haven’t seen one of those in a bit. This was little more than a way to set up Evans vs. Charlotte, which never actually happened due to Evans’ pregnancy. It was a pretty dark period for the titles as well, as Jax and Baszler dominated the belts for a long time and they stopped having any meaning that they had in the first place. I do kind of like the nothing Kickoff Show matches too, as cramming in some kind of a story on here isn’t always the most fun. Not a bad match though, and seeing Charlotte lose is tends to be cathartic.

The opening video follows the show’s comic book theme, with people having to answer the call to accept their destiny.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is defending after Goldberg accused him of disrespecting legends in a segment that didn’t seem to go as planned. McIntyre hits a Glasgow Kiss and spear before the bell to send Goldberg outside. Goldberg hits a spear through the barricade as the bell hasn’t rung yet. Back in and the bell rings, with McIntyre hitting a Claymore for two about ten seconds in. Two straight spears give Goldberg two and the Jackhammer (minus most of the jack and most of the hammering) gets the same. Another spear misses and McIntyre finishes with the Claymore at 2:31. And that’s it for Goldberg for now, thank goodness.

Respect is shown post match.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Carmella

Sasha is defending and Carmella has Reginald, her sommelier, in her corner. The threat of a Bank Statement sends Carmella straight to the floor and it’s time for a breather. Back in and Banks hits a chop but a Reginald distraction lets Carmella knock her off the apron. Some elbows to the face back inside set up the figure four necklock over the ropes, which burns through most of Carmella’s offense.

The chinlock goes on for all of a few seconds, with Banks fighting up and hitting a middle rope Meteora. That bangs up the knee though and Carmella gets creative by tying Banks’ hair in the rope. Since that isn’t the smartest way to win a match, she has to let Banks go, meaning the comeback is on.

A slingshot knee in the corner has Carmella in trouble but she sends Banks outside. Reginald catches her, earning himself a hurricanrana. That’s enough for an ejection, but Carmella wipes Banks out with a suicide dive. Back in and the Code of Silence is broken up as well, allowing Banks to hit a knee to the face. A low superkick gives Carmella two but Banks pulls her into the Bank Statement to retain at 10:25.

Rating: C. They were working hard, but I’m only going to be able to buy Carmella being so much of a threat to Banks. The title wasn’t going to change hands so close to Wrestlemania as Banks was all but guaranteed to be in a major match, meaning this wasn’t going to have that much drama. Carmella was trying, but this was a matter of time rather than a question of who was winning.

Big E. fires up Xavier Woods for the Royal Rumble but Sami Zayn comes in to complain about the conspiracy against him. Kofi Kingston comes in and the trio laughs Sami off.

Here is Bad Bunny, with Booker T. (as GI Bro), to perform his song Booker T.

Rumble By The Numbers video. That never gets old:

1130 entrants
30 winners
18 winners have gone on to win the title at Wrestlemania
4 consecutive winners have won the title at Wrestlemania
1 was Shawn Michaels’ entry number when he went all the way
1 second is the record for fastest elimination, held by Santino Marella
17 Royal Rumble appearances for Kane
43 eliminations for Kane
13 eliminations for Brock Lesnar and Braun Strowman, the most in any given year
1:16:06 that Daniel Bryan lasted in the Greatest Royal Rumble
8 women eliminated by Bianca Belair and Shayna Baszler
4 women who have competed in the men’s match
3 back to back winners (Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels)
23 years since a consecutive winner
3 wins for Steve Austin

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Bayley (who has shaved COLE in the back of her head, continuing their one sided feud) is in at #1 and the returning Naomi is in at #2. The trash talk doesn’t work on Naomi, who staggers her a bit and dances. A kick to the head head out of the corner sets up the Rear View on Bayley but it’s too early for a toss. Bayley gets in a few kicks of her own and it’s Bianca Belair in at #3. Belair starts fast with a spinebuster and handspring moonsault to crush Bayley. Naomi gets sent to the apron, with Bayley sending Belair out there with her.

Billie Kay, still with her resume is in at #4 but sits in on commentary instead of getting in. Belair barely hangs on as Shotzi Blackheart is in at #5. Kay likes the tank enough that she goes over to offer her a headshot but Blackheart scares her back to commentary. The four inside actually pair off and it’s Shayna Baszler in at #6 as the entrances seem to be going fast.

Baszler knocks Kay down before getting in and the brawling continues as Toni Storm is in at #7 (and also passes on Kay). Naomi and Storm trade hip attacks to the face and Baszler tosses Blackheart for the first elimination. Jillian Hall, looking like she hasn’t aged a day, is in at #8 and she actually takes Kay up on her offer. Kay gets in too and it’s time to double team Naomi.

Ruby Riott is in at #9 and gets to beat up Storm, who cuts her down with a German suplex. The brawling continues until Victoria makes another surprise return at #10, giving us Bayley, Naomi, Belair, Kay, Baszler, Storm, Hall, Riott and Victoria. The spinning side slam plants Riott but Naomi dropkicks Victoria to the apron. That just lets her hit the slingshot legdrop and it’s Peyton Royce in at #11. We get an IIconics reunion so the team can beat up Naomi, but Kay won’t do the pose because she wants to be Riott’s friend too.

Victoria hits a Widow’s Peak on Royce and it’s Santana Garrett in at #12. The brawling near the ropes gives us more near eliminations as the ring is getting too full. Liv Morgan is in at #13 and it’s her turn to beat up a bunch of people, while also joining forces with Ruby. Kay tosses Jillian but gets eliminated by Riott and it’s Rhea Ripley in at #14 (Lawler: “RHEA RIPLEY??? RHEA RIPLEY???”) to toss Storm. Victoria tries the Tarantula for some reason and gets choked out by Baszler.

Ripley kicks Garrett out and it’s Charlotte in at #15. Riott tries to German suplex Peyton off the apron, allowing Bayley to powerbomb Riott out without much trouble. Dana Brooke is in at #16 and hits a top rope flip dive onto a bunch of people, who were nice enough to stand there in one place.

Morgan tries to get rid of Bayley but gets tossed instead as Torrie Wilson is in at #17 (Lawler approves). Torrie gets in some of that Hall of Fame offense with a clothesline and a suplex as Ripley powerbombs Brooke onto the apron for the elimination. Lacey Evans (to Ric Flair’s music) is in at #18 and she has even stolen the robe Charlotte wore to the ring. For some reason, Evans poses in front of Charlotte, who jumps her from behind and brawls to the floor (neither are elimination). Charlotte throws Royce out to blow off some steam and Baszler knocks Torrie out.

Mickie James is in at #19 and Bayley is tossed during her entrance. Mickie and Charlotte have a showdown with Mickie snapping off a hurricanrana out of the corner. It’s Nikki Cross in at #20, giving us Naomi, Belair, Baszler, Ripley, Charlotte, Evans, James and Cross as the field has thinned a good bit. Cross gets to clean house (WWE will instantly begin planning ways to ruin this as soon as possible).

Alicia Fox is in at #21 but here is 24/7 Champion R-Truth to run from the usual gang of idiots. Fox pins him to win the title and it’s Mandy Rose in at #22. Ross tosses Fox and Truth gets his title back, meaning the chase is on again, because this stupid gag has to continue. Dakota Kai is in at #23 and goes after Ripley and it’s time to brawl on the ropes.

Evans actually Woman’s Rights James out and it’s Carmella, with Reginald, in at #24. Kai and Rose are both out as Carmella isn’t sure about getting inside. Once she does, Reginald has to save her from Cross’ elimination attempt, allowing Carmella to superkick Cross out. Tamina is in at #25 and superkicks Reginald, who can’t save Carmella from being eliminated as well. We get the Ripley vs. Tamina showdown that no one was asking for and Belair kicks Naomi out…but her feet don’t touch. Naomi grabs Belair’s hair and pulls herself back up, because Naomi and Kofi Kingston have to have their big save spot every year.

Lana is in at #26 and goes after Ripley as commentary recaps the Lana Goes Through A Table Every Week deal. Alexa Bliss, still under Bray Wyatt’s influence, is in at #27 so everyone jumps on her. Then the video screens go out and she transforms, only to have Ripley toss her out in a funny bit. Ember Moon is in at #28 and comes in with the Eclipse to Baszler.

A double middle rope Codebreaker hits Tamina and Evans as Nia Jax is in at #29. Baszler knocks out Evans and Jax tosses Moon. Naomi is out as well, with Tamina being tossed after her. Jax and Baszler already get in a fight (BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY DO!) with Jax tossing her out. Lana goes after Jax and low bridges her out as Natalya is in at #30.

The final grouping is Belair, Ripley, Charlotte, Lana and Natalya, which is less than I would have expected. Hold on though as Baszler and Jax beat up Natalya and get back in to jump Lana. Natalya hugs Lana, who is stupid enough to fall for it, and gets tossed out to get us down to four. Belair gets punched down in the corner and Natalya German suplexes Ripley. Natalya talks trash to Ripley on the apron and gets tossed by Belair to get us down to three. Charlotte gets double teamed down but comes back with a suplex to Belair.

The sign pointing sets up a slugout between Charlotte and Ripley until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Belair and Ripley trade shots to knock Charlotte out and we’re down to two. They waste no time in fighting to the apron, where they both wind up sitting and then get back in. Ripley sends her to the apron but Belair is back in for a double hair takedown. The audio machine thinks this is awesome as they get back up, with neither being able to hit a finisher. Ripley misses a shot though and Belair clotheslines her out for the win at 58:49.

Rating: C+. The women’s Royal Rumble is a great thing and shows you how far women’s wrestling has come, but at the same time it shows you how far it has to go. The top of the division is good, but the Rumbles have required a lot of nostalgia entrants and it makes for some long matches. They’re still good and the bigger names do well, but there are a lot of times where I was rolling my eyes at someone like Torrie or Jillian or Mandy coming in because we needed someone to fill in a spot.

Now that being said, this was the kind of match that the women’s division has been needing. The Four Horsewomen have dominated the division for such a long time and it was dying for some fresh blood. The final two here were that fresh blood and Belair won to give her the big moment. That’s how this needed to go and it worked well, especially the drama of wondering who would pull it off.

Post match Belair breaks down in tears and thanks her family for helping her get here. Now it’s off to Wrestlemania.

Miz and John Morrison go to see Bad Bunny and offer a collaboration. That’s going to be a no, which doesn’t go well for the two of them. They don’t think much of Booker T. either, and of course he is right behind them.

The Kickoff Show panel talks about the women’s Royal Rumble.

We look at the Women’s Tag Team Title match on the Kickoff Show.

R-Truth comes up to the Kickoff Show panel and Peter Rosenberg wins the 24/7 Title. JBL: “This could be the worst event in wrestling history.” Corey Graves: “David Arquette is finally off the hook.”

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. Reigns has had to cheat/use the Usos to survive against Owens, so tonight it is Last Man standing. This was a great run for Owens, who was looking more motivated than he had in years. This also involved Adam Pearce almost having a title match before Owens got the match instead via card subject to change. For some reason this just kept going and wasn’t all that great.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging in a Last Man Standing match and Paul Heyman is here with Reigns. They slug it out at the bell and Reigns hits a Superman Punch in less than thirty seconds. Owens beats the count and cuts off the spear, setting up the Pop Up Powerbomb. They head outside with Owens posting him but getting sent into the steps for his efforts. A spear drops Owens on the floor but he is up at seven.

Reigns hits him with the steps a few times and they fight beyond the barricade. Owens manages a superkick to get himself out of trouble and now the steps hit Reigns. They fight behind the video screens, where Reigns finds a chair to batter Owens some more. Another superkick gets Owens out of trouble again and he chairs Reigns in the legs for a change. Reigns fights up again and kicks at Owens’ legs, setting up a chair shot to the back.

A Stunner gets Owens out of trouble but Reigns is back with a Superman Punch. Owens gets tossed off the platform and through some tables, which really needed a crowd for the extra pop. That’s good for a nine and they fight backstage, where Owens staggers towards a practice ring. Cue Reigns to run him over with a golf cart (I’m sure that was AEW inspired) but Owens is up at nine again. Owens takes him down and unloads, setting up a powerbomb onto a backup announcers’ table.

A frog splash off a ladder puts Reigns through the ladder for another nine count. Owens hits him in the face with a ladder to put Reigns on another table….then climbs onto a raised forklift platform for a Swanton. Somehow Reigns is up and starts crawling away, only to be dragged into the Gorilla position and then back into the arena. A desperation Superman Punch sets up a spear to send Owens through the set but he rolls off the stage to beat the count.

Reigns says he can’t quit and pulls out some handcuffs but Owens grabs the Stunner. That means Reigns can be handcuffed to a lighting rig so Reigns has to beat up the referee to break the count. A low blow takes Owens down so here is Paul Heyman with a key. Another referee comes in to count….and then just stops, as Heyman takes well over a minute to get the key to work. With that nonsense out of the way, Reigns grabs the guillotine to knock Owens out and retain the title at 24:56.

Rating: B. It was a good brawl and Owens got in a lot of shots but that ending was a complete botch. Reigns could have hit the referee or something but instead the referee looked like he got distracted by a good looking taco. At least the rest of the match worked well though, as that could have been a near disaster. Reigns winning wasn’t the biggest shock, but this is going to be it for Owens, as he has lost multiple times now. At least this was pretty awesome while it lasted, save for the misfire at the end.

Men’s Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals again with Edge in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 because these two are joined at the hip. Edge jumps him in the aisle to start the fight before going inside for the bell. They’re right back on the floor with Orton being rammed into various things. Orton is knocked across the announcers’ table and it’s Sami Zayn in at #3. The three of them actually bother getting inside for a change, with Orton holding Edge so Zayn can stomp away.

Mustafa Ali is in at #4 (still part of Retribution) and goes after Edge because he doesn’t like older wrestlers. Jeff Hardy is in at #5 for a Whisper in the Wind on Sami and Ali. Orton is back up to yell at Zayn and hits some RKO’s. Edge spears Orton down, allowing the two of them to roll outside again. The Impaler onto the announcers’ table rocks Orton and Edge chairs him down as Dolph Ziggler is in at #6. Orton is busted open and can’t stand as Ziggler dumps Hardy. Edge gets back in and gets Zig Zagged, leaving the villains to triple team him.

Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #7 and goes after Ziggler before avoiding Zayn’s Helluva Kick. Nakamura kicks more people in the face as Orton is being helped out. Carlito is in at #8 and gets in a fight with Nakamura over the apple. There’s a Backstabber to Ali as Orton is STILL being helped to the back. Xavier Woods is in at #9 and goes after Ali, who injured Kofi Kingston.

Big E. (Intercontinental Champion) is in at #10, giving us Edge, Orton (on the floor), Zayn, Ali, Ziggler, Nakamura, Carlito, Woods and Big E. as the ring is getting full. Woods hits the Honor Roll on Zayn and then drops Big E. onto him with a splash. There goes Zayn and it’s time to go after Ali as John Morrison is in at #11. Woods hits his top rope DDT on Ali but they both wind up on the apron. Ali kicks Woods out but Big E. tosses Ali a few seconds later.

Ricochet is in at #12 and springboards in to dive onto another conveniently placed pile. Nakamura cuts Ricochet off and it’s Elias in at #13. A sitout chokeslam drops Ricochet and Elias beats on Carlito for one of the weirder combinations I could have imagined. Elias tosses Carlito, who wrestled one more match on Raw before leaving again, despite looking better than he ever had.

Damian Priest (making his main roster debut) is in at #14 and gets to clean some house, including eliminating Elias. Priest and Edge slug it out as we see Orton getting his knee worked on in the back. The Miz is in at #15 (Graves: “The M-I-Z with the MITB!”) but goes over to break up Bad Bunny’s DJing equipment before getting inside. Miz and Morrison beat up Ziggler as Bad Bunny comes out to yell. The distraction lets Priest toss Miz and Morrison, allowing Bunny to dive onto the two of them (that’s a Wrestlemania match). Riddle is in at #16 and strikes it out with Nakamura, which is more interesting than I would have expected.

Daniel Bryan is in at #17 and gets to strike away at a variety of people. Ricochet is fine enough to backflip over Bryan into a German suplex for the freaky athleticism display. Kane is in at #18 for a pretty weak looking chokeslam on Edge. Ziggler gets tossed and another chokeslam onto the apron gets rid of Ricochet (and that’s about all you need to know about Ricochet’s spot in WWE). We get a HELL NO reunion before Kane turns on Bryan, allowing Priest to kick away and toss Kane as well.

King Corbin is in at #19 and World’s Strongest Slams Nakamura. Commentary talks about Giant Gonzalez having a birthday today (along with Fit Finlay) as Corbin tosses Nakamura. It’s Otis in at #20, giving us Edge, Orton (in the back), Big E., Priest, Riddle, Bryan, Corbin and Otis for a pretty wide variety. Otis gets to toss people around and there’s the Caterpillar to Priest. Corbin sneaks up on Otis for the elimination though, leaving Bryan to fire off kicks to Corbin in the corner.

Dominik Mysterio is in at #21 and it promptly spinebustered by Corbin. That’s broken up in a hurry and Dominik headscissors Corbin out for an upset. Priest and Riddle get in a fight over who gets to beat on Bryan and it’s US Champion Bobby Lashley in at #22. Lashley tosses Mysterio and Priest in a hurry and we get the staredown with Big E.

Neither can overpower the other so they slug it out until the Hurricane is a surprise entrant at #23. Hurricane tries the double chokeslam on Big E. and Lashley, which goes as well as when he tried it on HHH and Steve Austin 19 years ago. That’s enough to get rid of Hurricane so it’s Riddle and Bryan kicking away at Lashley in the corner. Christian is in at #24 and gets in a quick shot on Lashley, allowing a bunch of people to toss Lashley out. There’s the Unprettier to Big E. and we get the Edge and Christian reunion (that’s cool).

AJ Styles is in at #25 as we’re getting a lot of talent in there at once. The Phenomenal Forearm misses Edge, who is back with a spear to drop Styles. Rey Mysterio is in at #26 (with a sponsorship with a Mexican beer) and goes after AJ, who is saved by an Omos intervention. Omos isn’t done and pulls out Big E., who is tossed over the announcers’ table. Sheamus is in at #27 and goes with the ten forearms to Edge. The ring is getting a bit full, so Omos pulls Mysterio out.

Cesaro is in at #28 to clean house but he doesn’t fall for Sheamus’ offer of a Bar reunion. Sheamus gets Swung and Bryan gets the same treatment until Seth Rollins is in at #29. Cesaro goes right after him for the slugout and Braun Strowman completes the field at #30. The final field is Edge, Orton (still not here), Riddle, Bryan, Christian, Styles, Sheamus, Cesaro, Rollins and Strowman. That’s ten names and at least seven Hall of Famers. Not too bad.

Strowman beats on various people and tosses Styles, who is caught by Omos to save him. That leaves Strowman to toss Sheamus, Cesaro, and the once again in Styles. Strowman gets knocked down and everyone pulls themselves up (including Rollins, who is on the floor but not out). Bryan hits a running dropkick on Christian and another one drops Strowman in the corner. We get a Riddle vs. Bryan slugout (actually rather cool) until Bryan has to save himself on the apron. A missile dropkick puts Riddle down but Rollins is back in with the Stomp to Bryan and an elimination.

Now it’s Rollins vs. Riddle on the apron, with Rollins Stomping him out. That leaves us with Rollins, Edge, Christian and Strowman, plus the missing Orton. Rollins and Strowman’s alliance lasts all of negative two seconds before Edge and Christian go after Strowman. That’s broken up, but Christian and Strowman are both tossed. Edge gets rid of Rollins but Orton is back with the RKO….and then gets tossed to give Edge the win at 58:26.

Rating: B+. The star power alone here is insane as you had one big name after another, especially at the end. The best thing about a Rumble is not being sure who is going to win the thing and that was the case here. There were even a few surprises to make it more interesting. It was also nice to have some talented people get extended runs where they actually did some things, as oftentimes they are just standing around doing nothing.

Edge doing the Iron Man thing was only so interesting, but it was a big deal to have him win. Now granted there is a good case to be made that Edge didn’t need the win and it should have been used to build up someone other than a Hall of Famer, but WWE likes its old wrestlers. Still though, very good Rumble and I wasn’t sure who was winning until the end. Now just ban the whole “OH WAIT HE’S STILL IN IT!” and I’ll be happy.

Replays, celebrations and pyro end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Pretty solid show here, with nothing bad and a good choice in the Women’s Royal Rumble (the Men’s….eh could have been worse). There was also a good brawl between Owens and Reigns and Carmella vs. Banks could have been worse. It’s always nice to have nothing to complain about and the Rumbles carried the show. This is one of the most unique shows of the year as the Rumbles are the majority of the show in focus, star power and importance. It worked well here, though neither Rumble was a classic. Overall, a good but not great show, as tends to be the case in WWE these days.

Ratings Comparison

Asuka/Charlotte vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler

Original: C
Redo: C

Drew McIntyre vs. Goldberg

Original: N/A
Redo: N/A

Sasha Banks vs. Carmella

Original: C-
Redo: C

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B-
Redo: C+

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B-
Redo: B

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: B
Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B
Redo: B

Yep, just about the same in both viewings.

Here is the original if you are interested:

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2016
Date: November 20, 2016
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,143
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, David Otunga

I say this every year but it’s always hard to believe that it’s been a full year since this show. This was the first time that a Survivor Series was expanded to four hours but thankfully there’s a good chance that they could make it work, mainly due to the elimination matches. The main event though is Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, which I’m sure will be completely uneventful. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese vs. Noam Dar/TJ Perkins/Rich Swann

This is a preview match for something called 205 Live, which debuts next week. I know it hasn’t gone great but the division really has evolved into a better place than when it started. Swann gets a nice reaction and then starts with Nese, who gets chopped in the corner. They do their regular flips with Swann’s jump over Nese’s feet getting a good pop (as always) before it’s off to Perkins.

Some suplexes set up an Octopus Hold but Nese reverses into a kind of gutwrench suplex. Gulak comes in and gets caught in the wrong corner with everyone working him over. We actually get a TJ PERKINS chant as he slaps on the kneebar to keep Gulak in trouble. Everything breaks down and we take a break.

Back with Daivari in trouble this time as Dar gets two off a running kick to the face. Nese offers a distraction though and a spinebuster takes Dar down. A superkick gives Daivari two and it’s back to Gulak to crank on the leg. If this sounds rather uninteresting, it’s only because that’s what it is.

Dar dropkicks his way to freedom and the hot tag brings in Swann to very little reaction. A good looking jumping hurricanrana takes Daivari off the middle rope as everything breaks down again. That means we hit the dives but the referee CUTS PERKINS OFF. Now you know that’s not working so Perkins dives over the referee to take out some villains. Back in and Swann’s standing 450 ends Daivari at 11:48.

Rating: C-. I forgot how uninteresting these earlier cruiserweight matches were. The guys barely have characters and the entire story here was “three faces vs. three heels”. It didn’t get much better for a long time but, as usual, the problem comes down to one simple thing: if the smaller guys on the main roster can be big stars and do all these dives, why should I be impressed when cruiserweights can do them too?

Kickoff Show: Luke Harper vs. Kane

Harper is part of the NEW Wyatt Family, which screwed Kane over, meaning we need a match here. Kane grabs a full nelson of all things and we’re in a chinlock fifteen seconds in. That goes nowhere so Harper grabs a headlock as the fans are oddly split here. Kane starts in on the shoulder by sending it into the buckle. Harper sends him outside though and hits that suicide shove of his (Who needs cruiserweights?).

A slingshot flip splash gives Luke two and we take a break. Back with Kane in a chinlock (well duh) but managing to superplex Harper down for a crash. The sidewalk slam gets two but Harper scores with a superkick for the same. Kane’s running DDT and Harper’s Boss Man Slam are good for two more each but it’s the chokeslam to put Harper away at 9:10.

Rating: D+. Well what were you expecting here? This was exactly the match you would have planned out for them and Kane won with his finisher. It’s about as paint by numbers of a power match as you can get and while it wasn’t terrible, it’s also a match I really didn’t need to see.

The opening video looks at Goldberg vs. Lesnar and then all the Raw vs. Smackdown matches. Well at least they got some time. I’m sure Stephanie’s voiceovers had nothing to do with it.

Raw Women’s Team vs. Smackdown Women’s Team

Raw: Bayley, Alicia Fox, Charlotte, Nia Jax, Sasha Banks

Smackdown: Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, Carmella, Naomi, Nikki Bella

Entrances alone take forever of course, which will be a theme tonight. Charlotte is Raw Women’s Champion and has Dana Brooke in her corner. Becky is Smackdown Women’s Champion but Nikki is captain. You know, because of course. Bliss gets a heck of a reaction (gee I wonder why). Actually hang on a second as there’s no Nikki. We cut to the back where she’s down after being attacked. Not to worry though, as Smackdown coach Natalya is more than willing to take the spot.

We settle down to Becky and Banks trading rollups before it’s off to Charlotte for more of the same. Becky can’t get the Disarm-Her and it’s off to Nia as things get a lot more difficult. Carmella and Bliss come in for the expected results and Naomi’s high crossbody is pulled out of the air. Natalya actually gets a reaction but Nia clotheslines her head off for her efforts. It’s off to Fox vs. Carmella with Alicia avoiding a Bronco Buster, setting up what looked to be a mostly missed ax kick for the elimination at 6:35. Bliss comes right in, sends Fox into the buckle and adds Twisted Bliss to tie it up at 6:48.

Charlotte and Naomi come in with the latter cleaning house, including knocking Nia outside and hitting a high crossbody to the floor. Nia posts her though and that’s a countout at 8:23. We pause for the Tye Dillinger TEN chant until Bliss takes Banks down and grinds her face into the mat. Banks sends Bliss and Natalya into each other, followed by the double knees in the corner to Alexa. Back up and Bliss saves Natalya from the Bank Statement, allowing Natalya to roll Banks up for the elimination at 10:20.

Charlotte comes in and gets suplexed, meaning we hit the SUPLEX CITY chants. You would think fans would know more chants than that. Charlotte goes up for the moonsault but, as always, Natalya powerbombs her down for two in the near fall that never ends Charlotte. The required Sharpshooter sends Charlotte crawling for the ropes but a big boot ends Natalya at 12:01.

Becky and Bliss get in an argument over who should come in, allowing Jax to suplex them both at the same time. Of course that gets a MAMA MIA from Mauro, which I miss hearing so often. Bliss gets caught in a slam but Becky makes a blind tag and missile dropkicks Bliss in the back to knock her onto Jax. The Disarm-Her actually makes Jax tap at 13:35 and it’s 2-2 with Becky/Bliss vs Charlotte/Bayley.

Jax mauls Becky, leaving Bliss to get big booted down for the elimination at 14:03. Becky fights back as fast as she can with the series of clotheslines into the leg lariat, followed by Bexplex. Bayley has to dive in for a save after a top rope legdrop before coming in for the slugout. Another Bexplex gets two but Bayley’s elbow to the back gets the same. You can tell Becky is getting tired out there so Bayley blocks the Disarm-Her and grabs the Bayley to Belly for the final pin at 17:53.

Rating: C+. The quick eliminations didn’t help things here but the ending was the right call. There was way too much talent on the Raw side to lose and I’m VERY glad it was Natalya, who can wrestle this style without having to dumb things down too much. Becky was pretty much all the blue team had for a lot of the match and she put up a valiant effort, only to be outgunned. That makes her look strong and Bayley getting a win like this is a good thing for her at this stage in her main roster career.

Charlotte takes Bayley out post match and beats her around ringside.

Smackdown mascot James Ellsworth runs into Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows, who weren’t funny in 2016 either. They make some bad chin puns but Raw GM Mick Foley comes in to run them off. Ellsworth talks about all the great memories he has of Foley, most of which involve him being in extreme pain. Foley thanks him anyway and suggests Ellsworth move to Raw. He appreciates the offer but politely turns it down because he’s true blue. Foley leaves and Ellsworth runs into Braun Strowman, who asks if he knows Ellsworth. James runs in a smart move.

Intercontinental Title: Miz vs. Sami Zayn

Miz is defending and Sami is trying to take the title to Raw. We get the Big Match Intros and Sami gets quite the reaction for being Canadian. Sami spins out of a wristlock to start and Miz looks annoyed in the corner. Miz gets sent outside but Sami has to bail out of the flip dive. The moonsault off the barricade works though, drawing over Maryse for a distraction. Well she can be quite distracting.

This one works well with Miz taking out the knee to get his first advantage. Some hard stomps to the knees have Sami in trouble but he’s still able to clothesline Miz to the floor. A flip dive works as well, followed by a Michinoku Driver for two. Miz’s short DDT gets the same and it’s time for a double breather. The running corner dropkick/clothesline look to set up the ax handle but Sami reverses into the Blue Thunder Bomb.

The Helluva Kick only hits corner though and that means the Figure Four. This one stays on for a good while until Sami makes the ropes, earning himself some YES Kicks. Sami reverses one into a Figure Four of his own but Maryse rings the bell. Since Sami isn’t all that bright, he of course falls for it, only to have Miz roll him up to retain at 14:06.

Rating: C-. Kind of a dull match as you knew a lot of Sami’s near falls weren’t going anywhere. I can go for Miz and Maryse teaming up to steal wins though and it’s a big reason why he’s been an awesome Intercontinental Champion. This would also help play into Sami’s heel turn nearly a year later as he would get tired of losing while playing by the rules. Makes sense, especially in a long term form.

Dean Ambrose and AJ Styles are bickering over being teammates tonight when Shane McMahon comes in and tells them to cool it so Smackdown doesn’t lose again.

Raw Tag Teams vs. Smackdown Tag Teams

Raw: Enzo Amore/Big Cass, Cesaro/Sheamus, Gallows and Anderson, New Day, Shining Stars

Smackdown: American Alpha, Breezango, Heath Slater/Rhyno, Hype Bros, Usos

A fall eliminates both members of a team. Enzo and Cass suck up to the live crowd, as you might expect. New Day and Slater/Rhyno are the respective champions. Fandango tries to give everyone a fashion ticket to start, earning himself a Midnight Hour for the elimination at 44 seconds. New Day spends too much time celebrating though and it’s a superkick from Jimmy to pin Big E. at 1:08.

Gallows comes in to punch Jimmy in the face before handing it off to Cass for the tall power. The fast tags continue as it’s off to Epico vs. Ryder (who is rocking some old school Survivor Series logo trunks) with Mojo coming in for a clap around the ears. Rawley gets taken down into the corner for the huge group beating though as we keep trying to get everyone in. It’s back to Ryder (not Slater like the fans want) but Gallows saves Anderson from the Broski Boot. Instead it’s the Magic Killer to pin Ryder at 5:08.

Gable comes in as Graves talks about how scared he is of American Alpha. It doesn’t seem to be the most valid fear to start though as Epico takes Gable down into a chinlock. Some rolling suplexes have Gable in more trouble and Primo comes in with a springboard ax handle to the ribs. He misses a charge in the corner though and it’s off to Jordan for a quick Steiner Bulldog to get rid of the Stars at 8:08.

The six remaining teams (Enzo/Big Cass, Cesaro/Sheamus, Gallows and Anderson vs. American Alpha, Heath Slater/Rhyno, Usos) come in at once as everything breaks down. That means Enzo gets tossed over the top onto a big pile….which was mainly Raw guys but whatever. Rhyno gets thrown over the top as well, only to have Slater add an even bigger dive. Back in and Cesaro swings Jordan but Gable makes the save with a Rolling Chaos Theory.

Gable isn’t done though as Jordan throws him over the top for a HUGE flip dive onto everyone. Sweet goodness those two were awesome together. I mean, not as awesome as Jordan on his own with Kurt Angle kind of around but still. Back in and it’s a quick Magic Killer to get rid of Jordan at 10:39 as the eliminations are still flying. A spinebuster plants Slater and he’s caught in the wrong corner.

Sheamus won’t tag Cesaro (this was before their ridiculous matching outfits) and an argument breaks out, allowing the hot tag off to Rhyno as everyone bickers. Rhyno comes in and Gores Gallows for an elimination at 12:28. Cass wastes no time with a big boot to Rhyno, followed by the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka for the pin at 12:45.

That leaves us with the Usos….who superkick Enzo down to set up the Superfly Splash and an elimination at 13:26 before I can type the Raw teams. So now we’re down to the Usos vs. Cesaro/Sheamus with the latter hitting the ten forearms (you know the chant) on Jimmy. Cesaro comes in and eats a double superkick but Sheamus Brogue kicks Jimmy with Jey making a diving save.

Super White Noise plants Jimmy again but Jey is right back with a Superfly Splash for two with Cesaro making a save of his own. The hot tag brings in Cesaro for the Uppercut Train and a 619 as the fans lose their minds over Cesaro again. A high crossbody gets two on Jey and it’s time for the Swing. Jimmy breaks up the Sharpshooter and Jey gets the Tequila Sunrise. That’s reversed right back into the Sharpshooter with Sheamus remembering he’s in the match to cut off Jimmy, leaving Jey to tap at 18:55.

Rating: B. This was during the time that I couldn’t stand Sheamus and Cesaro (not a lot has changed in a year) but they did a lot of stuff in this match, despite the crunched timeline. Getting nine eliminations in less than nineteen minutes is a lot but you have to clear the ring out at the beginning. It’s entertaining, but hits a hard ceiling that it’s not getting past.

Stephanie and Foley decide that Sheamus and Cesaro should get a Tag Team Title shot tomorrow night. They recap the rest of the show with Stephanie getting way too serious, as usual.

Preview for TLC with Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles in a TLC match for the title.

Cruiserweight Champion Brian Kendrick does his best Sean O’Haire impression and is ready for Kalisto. If Kalisto wins, he brings the division to Smackdown. It’s fine for a one off match but it was really hard to buy Kendrick as the best cruiserweight in the company in 2016.

Cruiserweight Title: Kalisto vs. Brian Kendrick

Kendrick is defending and charges straight into a knee to the face. Kalisto is right back with a suicide dive, followed by a springboard corkscrew crossbody for two. Some rollups give Kalisto more near falls and a shotgun dropkick has Kendrick in even more trouble. A rollup into the corner finally gives Kendrick a breather and he crushes Kalisto between the steps and the apron for good measure.

Back in and we hit the cravate to slow things back down. Kalisto manages to fight up and get to the apron where he grabs a C4 out to the floor in the big crash of the match. A good looking suicide dive takes Kendrick down again but he reverses a super Salida Del Sol into the Captain’s Hook. Kalisto finally grabs the ropes and fires off some kicks, followed by the hurricanrana driver. The Salida Del Sol gets two with Kendrick getting to the ropes. Kalisto heads up top….and here’s Baron Corbin for the DQ at 12:21.

Rating: C-. The match was good at times but Kendrick really isn’t the kind of guy you want as a long term champion. It also didn’t help that you knew they weren’t changing up the cruiserweight division so close to 205 Live’s launch. Corbin interfering was fine enough, but it really does make the title match feel like a big waste of time.

The Kickoff Show panel recaps the show so far.

Daniel Bryan yells at Corbin, who doesn’t want little pests running around on Smackdown.

We recap the men’s Survivor Series match, which started in July at the second Brand Split. Naturally this is about the McMahons as Shane and Stephanie are the Commissioners and therefore they have to be fighting. We look at all the entrants as this is treated like the major match is should be treated as. Then Shane is added to the match and that notion kind of falls apart.

Raw Men’s Team vs. Smackdown Men’s Team

Raw: Braun Strowman, Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens, Roman Reigns

Seth Rollins

Smackdown: AJ Styles, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Randy Orton, Shane McMahon

AJ and Owens are the World Champions, Reigns is US Champion and Ellsworth is here as the mascot. This is also during the period where Orton is part of the Wyatt Family because we needed that story to get to Orton as World Champion again. Rollins gets a nice reaction and it’s far better without BURN IT DOWN or whatever the line is. AJ and Owens start things off with Styles wasting no time in hitting the drop down into the dropkick.

That’s enough of that though as it’s and they slug it out with AJ getting the better of it. The STUPID IDIOT chants mean it’s time for Jericho, who throws his shirt at AJ and hammers away. Styles dropkicks him down again as the announcers discuss Jericho insulting Undertaker on Twitter. It’s off to Ambrose vs. Rollins, which turns into far more of a wrestling match than it should.

Rollins can’t get a Pedigree so let’s go back to Jericho. Chris yells at Dean for the $15,000 jacket issue, earning himself some really bad armdrags. An enziguri cuts Dean down for two but Ambrose is right back with a bunch of right hands to the head. Shane comes in for the first time and my interest goes down. I’m still not a fan of middle aged Shane and this isn’t likely to change things.

Shane’s bad punches and an armdrag (better than Dean’s) take Jericho down until a dropkick cuts him off. The announcers debate the TV ratings as Reigns comes in and gets booed out of the building. Roman hammers him down in the corner and Seth comes in for a chinlock. That’s broken up so let’s go with Dean vs. Kevin. Owens hits a superkick but gets caught in a hurricanrana, only to have Jericho break up Dirty Deeds.

Everything breaks down and Strowman tags himself in, leaving the fans to chant for Ellsworth. The fight heads outside with Dean being left alone in the ring until Strowman catches his slingshot dive. Strowman walks him around the ring until AJ’s slingshot forearm to the floor breaks it up. Owens dives onto everyone and Strowman tosses Shane across the ring in a pretty good power display.

Some double teaming doesn’t do much to stop Strowman but they manage to knock him outside. That’s enough of Dean and Ambrose working together so they get in a fight, allowing Strowman to hit the running powerslam for the pin on Dean at 15:57. AJ was looking right at the cover and didn’t move. Shane gets to beat on Strowman for a bit but thankfully he gets hammered down as well.

The Phenomenal Forearm is pulled out of the air with AJ being tossed outside in a nasty heap. Orton gets thrown aside too but a stare from Bray stops Strowman in his tracks. Strowman grabs Jericho by the throat but decides to run Bray over instead, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. Braun goes outside as well but runs into an RKO onto the announcers’ table. After we pause to see what a random eight year old fan thought of it (he was applauding), Shane drops the top rope elbow to put Strowman through said table. That and Ellsworth grabbing Braun’s foot get Strowman counted out at 21:18.

Strowman catches Ellsworth running up the ramp though (How slow is this guy?) and throws him off the stage through some tables. Everyone else is mostly dead until Jericho covers Shane for two. Owens is fresh enough to drop the backsplash on Shane for two (but only after mocking the dance). There’s the Lionsault but Shane gets two of his own off a small package.

Shane takes a Codebreaker but Orton comes in before the cover, meaning Shane survives another finisher. He avoids a top rope splash though and it’s off to AJ to work on Jericho. With Owens getting in an insult to AJ’s hair (too far man), Jericho counters the Styles Clash into a failed Walls attempt. The Phenomenal Blitz rocks Jericho but Owens comes in with the List of Jericho to blast AJ. That’s a DQ at 29:23, but not before he gives AJ a Pop Up Powerbomb.

Orton gets the tag and comes in with the RKO to get rid of Jericho at 30:19. Notice Reigns blankly staring up at the ramp and not hearing the RKO RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. So it’s down to Shane/AJ/Orton/Wyatt vs. Reigns/Rollins with Orton hammering on Rollins to start. Wyatt and Orton take turns on Seth as Shane is still laid on the apron after his long time in the ring. The superplex takes Rollins down (looks great too) but it allows the hot tag to Reigns. AJ comes in as well and MY GOODNESS the fans do not like Reigns.

House is cleaned with a series of Samoan drops, followed by a great looking Razor’s Edge powerbomb for two on AJ. Seriously that was good enough to cut off the booing. A Pele cuts off a Superman Punch and it’s back to Shane for no logical reason. Shane gets in a tornado DDT to drop Reigns and a clothesline takes Rollins down. Reigns tries a spear but gets awkwardly countered into the post.

In probably the spot of the match, Shane loads up Coast to Coast but gets speared out of the air for a SICK landing. Shane actually kicks out at two but you can see that he is completely gone. Like Lesnar after the botched shooting star gone. The referee says Shane is eliminated at 37:07, presumably due to his brains looking like a pie that has been run over by a bus driven by raccoons.

We pause for a bit as doctors get Shane out of the ring until Roman blasts Bray with a clothesline. Rollins and AJ get stereo hot tags with Seth’s Blockbuster putting Styles down. There’s the slingshot knee to AJ and a suicide dive to Wyatt. With Reigns down on the floor, let’s hit that ROMAN’S SLEEPING chant! Still one of my favorites because the fans just will not give him a break no matter what. An enziguri staggers AJ on top and now it’s WAKE UP ROMAN. Reigns does in fact wake up and saves Rollins from a hanging DDT on the floor.

With Orton down, it seems as good a time as any for a DoubleBomb. Styles makes a save before it can be loaded up but here’s Ambrose to jump Styles again. The fans call Dean a STUPID IDIOT as the former Shield beats up security. NOW the TripleBomb puts AJ through the table, allowing Rollins to get the pin at 47:00. It’s down to two on two with the Wyatts vs. the Shield (not the worst idea in the world)….and here’s Luke Harper for a distraction so the Wyatts can take over.

Reigns posts Orton but Harper superkicks him down, only to have Rollins score with a flip dive to the floor. Back in and the low superkick hits Wyatt but he dives into an RKO, giving Bray the pin at 49:25. Reigns, all alone, sends both of them outside and takes Harper out as a bonus. Back in and Orton eats a spear to save Wyatt, leaving Bray to grab Sister Abigail for the pin at 52:50.

Rating: A. This is a great example of a match that benefits from all of the time it had. What I loved about this was how long it took to take someone out. Most of the people in here were former World Champions and it doesn’t make sense to have them losing in a minute or two like in the other matches. They let the match build up for a change and that’s what makes this feel important.

Above all else though, this felt like someone surviving instead of whoever was left last. Look at the women’s match. Bayley barely looked like she had been through anything at the end. Orton and Wyatt looked banged up, which is how they should after a match like this. It’s a well put together match that got the kind of time it needed, which is exactly how something like this should be. Really strong stuff here with Bray, who actually needed it, getting the win.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. Goldberg was being interviewed about being in WWE2K16 and said he didn’t owe Lesnar a rematch. Lesnar challenged him though and Goldberg wanted his son to see him wrestle. The match was on and it does indeed feel like a battle of two people who could kill each other.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

We get the full Goldberg entrance, complete with someone knocking on his door. Lesnar drives him into the corner to start but Goldberg shoves him right back down, scaring the heck out of Lesnar in the process. Back up and the spear connects to drop Lesnar again. There’s a second spear, followed by a Jackhammer to give Goldberg the huge upset at 1:25.

Yeah I still don’t like it. Sure it was shocking and a huge moment, but what did this set up? Goldberg eliminating Lesnar from the Rumble, Goldberg getting the most unnecessary Universal Title reign ever, and then a good sub five minute match at Wrestlemania. One of WWE’s biggest issues is giving fans something to cheer for and they give this spot to Goldberg, who they didn’t even create, for the sake of a video game (might not have been their call) and a story that could have made someone’s career. After this, Samoa Joe and Braun Strowman both fell to Lesnar, but Goldberg doesn’t. I don’t buy it, nor to I like it.

Goldberg celebrates with his family to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. One of the major perks about a match running nearly an hour on a three and a half hour show is that it can REALLY bring an overall rating up. Throw in a good women’s match and nothing really bad, this is actually a strong show. It’s far from perfect (main event aside, though that was the only thing that could have closed the show) but it’s a heck of a card, which I can always go for of course. The main issue is they could have gotten this one under three hours so it’s a bit long but nothing too bad. Really solid show though and most of that is due to the mega long match.

Ratings Comparison

Rich Swann/Noam Dar/TJ Perkins vs. Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak

Original: C

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Luke Harper

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Women’s Survivor Series Match

Original: C

Redo: C+

Miz vs. Sami Zayn

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Tag Team Survivor Series Match

Original: D+

Redo: B

Kalisto vs. Brian Kendrick

Original: C

Redo: C-

Men’s Survivor Series Match

Original: A-

Redo: A

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B+

My eyebrows went up when I saw the original overall rating. The year of mellowing on the ending have helped a lot as there’s no way this is a B-. Also I really couldn’t stand Sheamus and Cesaro back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/11/20/survivor-series-2016-there-are-no-words/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another big one and it’s also a one sided show. The Smackdown offerings are about as uninteresting as they could be while the Raw side looks at at least marginally better. This isn’t a great show on paper and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to be even worse as it actually takes place. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about surviving things such as the game, evolution, and the battles in between. That’s all this needed to be, especially with Austin vs. Bischoff being the real main event.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, Hardcore Holly, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw
Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan

Cena is out first and raps about burying everyone, meaning Lesnar and Show need a bigger graves. He’s still new at this team thing because he wonders if he can trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Holly wastes no time and attacks Lesnar before the bell, sending him into the steps and trying a full nelson to break his neck. He also shoves a referee, and gets disqualified before the match even starts.

The bell rings and a Clothesline from Bradshaw ends A-Train in less than thirty seconds to tie it up. The chokeslam gets rid of Bradshaw as we’re not even a minute in yet. Good idea actually, as it’s not like Bradshaw and Holly were anything more than warm bodies anyway. Cena comes in but can’t FU Big Show and gets thrown into the corner as the four remaining members start working him over. A Throwback to Lesnar gets two but more importantly it allows the hot tag off to Benoit.

The chokeslam is countered into a Crossface (always looks cool) with Lesnar making a save. It’s off to an abdominal stretch as things slow down again. The standing legdrop gets two on Benoit and it’s time for some double teaming on the floor. Angle and Cena have finally had enough and go over to make a save but Benoit is beaten down even more. Morgan comes in for some lumbering offense but a suplex allows the hot tag to Angle. That means a series of suplexes as everything breaks down. The Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie us up at three.

Show clotheslines Jones by mistake though and an ankle lock gets rid of Nathan less than thirty seconds later. An F5 gets rid of Angle with the first count coming as Jones’ elimination is still being announced. We’re down to Benoit/Cena vs. Lesnar/Show and Brock goes shoulder first into the post.

A Crossface has Lesnar in trouble but he reverses into a cradle for two. Benoit won’t be denied though and slaps it on again, this time with Lesnar’s feet reaching the ropes. The third attempt makes Lesnar tap and we’re down to two on one. Benoit drops Show with a top rope shoulder for two so Cena adds a chain shot and the FU for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was too fast for the most part but the real problem comes from the fact that so many people were involved in the first place. This really could have been a six man elimination tag (A-Train as the third villain) and it would have been better, but that’s not how these things traditionally work. Cena and Benoit winning in the end is the right way to go as Cena’s rocket push is being assembled, but at the same time there’s a lot of work left to do. Benoit vs. Cena, which could still happen, would be a benefit for both guys and that’s a good sign for the future. Unfortunately it wasn’t the best present, but at least it wasn’t long.

Vince McMahon comes in to see Shane and talks about how tonight, father and son are facing two brothers. He thinks it’s almost spiritual and asks Shane how he feels about that. Shane only feels sorry for Vince. The boss leaves and runs into Austin, who starts laughing. Then he stops and gets serious before walking away. These two have great chemistry even if it doesn’t make the most sense.

JR explains the exchange.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match a few weeks back. Feeling out process to start as JR explains that these two have some contrasting styles. Lita gets knocked to the floor so Molly starts in on the back with some ax handles. We hit a dragon sleeper with Jerry liking her intensity. The handspring elbow in the corner keeps Lita in trouble and Molly stomps away.

A running corner clothesline rocks Molly and Lita rains down some right hands for her first real offense. Molly cuts her off with a side slam but Lawler would rather talk about Lita’s thong. A powerbomb out of the corner gives Lita a breather but the moonsault misses. The Molly Go Round gets two so Molly rips off a turnbuckle pad and sends Lita face first to retain.

Rating: D+. This was mainly Molly doing everything while Lita did a thing or two here and there. That’s not the most thrilling style in the world but Molly can be made into a good champion for a big name to take the title from later. Let her be built up for awhile instead of giving Lita the title immediately. It’s ok to wait now and then.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane went nuts after losing his mask and after struggling to defeat Rob Van Dam, started tormenting Linda McMahon. Shane became the big star out of this because of course he did, including beating himself in a Last Man Standing match. Various attempted murders later set up this ambulance match, which is possibly the second most pushed match on the show.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Ambulance match with Shane charging straight at him for a crossbody to the floor. Shane knocks him onto the announcers’ table and hits him in the head with a monitor, setting up the big elbow to drive Kane through. That’s enough at ringside though so they head to the back, including the camera cutting out. That means we hit the pretape and come back with Shane pounding him down with a kendo stick.

Shane puts him in a security shack and jumps into an SUV to run Kane over again. Finding a well placed walkie-talkie, Shane tells someone to SEND IT, which means it’s time for an ambulance backstage. But is that the designated ambulance? That makes a difference you know. Instead of backing the ambulance up to the shack where Kane is down, Shane grabs a stretcher and wheels it twenty feet over, allowing Kane to grab him by the throat and slam Shane into a wall.

The camera goes out again and we pick it up with Kane knocking him back into the arena. Shane gets knocked into the front of the ambulance but manages to hit Kane in the face with the back door. What a sick sounding thud too. Kane is back up and sends Shane into the ambulance but another ram with the door gets Shane out of trouble. A tornado DDT on the floor plants Kane as they’re now near the grave for the Buried Alive match.

Shane puts a trashcan (good thing one was nearby) and a crashpad (same as before) and hits the Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to smash Kane’s face. That’s still not enough to wrap things up as Kane pulls Shane into the ambulance with him for more brawling. It’s Kane throwing Shane out though and then ramming him back first into the side. He javelins Shane’s head into the other side (you have to match you see) and a Tombstone on the floor is enough for the win.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as long as I was expecting but again, this doesn’t really do what they were likely shooting for with Kane. It makes two straight matches where Kane has had trouble beating up Shane McMahon. He can destroy Rob Van Dam but Shane gives him trouble? It didn’t work last time and it doesn’t work here. Now that he’s lost all of his heat though, you can pencil him in for a World Title match.

Brock Lesnar says he didn’t lose that match because his team lost it instead. Goldberg comes in for a staredown but Lesnar won’t wish him luck tonight. And so it begins.

Here’s the Coach, in a neck brace, for a chat. He assures his fans that he’s fine after the 3D from the Dudleys on Monday and he’ll be good to go soon. That seems to be it but hang on a second as Coach sees Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. Cuban is ready to see Austin’s team win and insults referees of all kinds (he’s known for heavy criticisms of NBA referees). This brings out Eric Bischoff to invite Cuban into the ring, where a fight breaks out. Bischoff gets shoved down but here’s Randy Orton for an RKO to complete this waste of time.

Evolution is having a party with HHH in the middle of a good looking bunch of women. Ric Flair comes in to say they can have the champ later, which annoys HHH. Orton comes in, hits on the women, and brags about what he just did. Uh, congratulations?

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Brothers are defending after Eddie won a handicap match to earn the shot. Eddie and Chavo waste no time in slugging away until Shaniqua offers a distraction to slow things down. That doesn’t seem to matter much to the cousins as Eddie works over Danny to start things off. A dropkick gives Chavo two and there’s a headscissors/armdrag combination from Eddie to put both champs down.

Some double teaming (described by Cole as “classic Bashams”) takes over though and Shaniqua gets in a slam on Eddie for good measure. Back in and Eddie gets stomped in the corner, followed by a double vertical suplex for two. Eddie gets free with a headscissors and hands it back to Chavo, who is double flapjacked in short order. Chavo fights up but Twin Magic takes him down again. Everything breaks down and Chavo slams Shaniqua, followed by a quick spanking. That’s NOT cool with the champs so Doug grabs a rollup with Chavo’s tights to retain.

Rating: D+. Another TV level match here with Los Guerreros coming up short again as we get closer to their inevitable split. The Bashams aren’t a great team (though they have apparently have a classic period) but they’re serviceable for something like this. Get rid of the dominatrix stuff though as it’s not working, isn’t funny and makes Shaniqua look like the important part of the team, which misses the point entirely.

Replays show Chavo kicking Eddie down by mistake, meaning this is far from over.

JR doesn’t think Austin can handle this trusting people stuff and has never seen Austin this angry.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. They’re running the show together but Austin isn’t allowed to attack people at will anymore. On top of that, a lot of people are accusing him of ruining the show through his various antics. That doesn’t sit well with Austin, so it’s time for a winner take all match with the winner getting to run Raw on their own. The idea is Austin has to trust people, which goes against everything he believes in.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Dudley Boyz, Booker T., Rob Van Dam
Bischoff: Scott Steiner, Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton

Coach, Stacy Keibler and the two team captains are at ringside. The fans want tables to start but have to settle with D-Von and Christian instead. D-Von shoulders him down to start but gets slapped in the face, triggering a bunch of right hands to the head. That’s not a nice response. Van Dam comes in for some forearms to the face and a kick to the jaw gets the same. It’s off to Jericho for some more luck, followed by Steiner whipping Van Dam hard into the corner to set up some posing.

Van Dam’s comeback is cut off by a belly to belly superplex but he’s able to get over to Booker for the hot tag. Things speed way up in a hurry and the scissors kick into the Spinarooni makes Bischoff face palm. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Steiner hits Booker low. The Recliner goes on but Stacy offers a distraction, setting up a reverse 3D. A Bookend is enough to get rid of Steiner and make it 5-4.

The World’s Strongest Slam gets rid of Booker a few seconds later to tie it right back up. Bubba comes in to try his luck and is sent hard into the corner. D-Von’s help doesn’t make things much better as the Dudleys are rammed together. Mark misses a charge though and it’s a 3D into the Five Star for the elimination. It’s off to Orton for a hard clothesline on Van Dam but Rob scores with a kick. Another Five Star is loaded up but Jericho makes a save, setting up the RKO to tie things up at three each. Jericho comes in and missile dropkicks D-Von down as JR and King wonder how things will go tomorrow night.

D-Von shoulders Jericho down for no count as Christian has the referee, setting up the sleeper drop for another elimination. This match is already better paced than the opener and here’s Shawn to pick things up all over again. Shawn pounds on Jericho in the corner and catches an invading Christian without much effort. Orton gets in a dropkick but stays down anyway as I guess he didn’t hit all of it. A double tag brings in Christian and Bubba with a backdrop getting two on the Canadian.

Jericho runs Christian over by mistake but a low blow sets up the Unprettier to get rid of Bubba. We’re down to Shawn vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Austin is starting to see how much trouble he’s in. Shawn punches away at Christian to start but some good old fashioned double teaming has Shawn in trouble again. Like there’s any other way this should go. Shawn is taken outside and catapulted into the post (you can see him blade on the wide shot) to bust open a GUSHER.

That and a suplex are only good for two back inside and Christian even steals his pose. Jerry: “That was a creepy little pose right there.” The Unprettier is broken up and a quick Sweet Chin Music gets rid of Christian. A frustrated Jericho comes in and gets two off a clothesline before handing it back to Orton. Shawn gets in a belly to back suplex but Jericho comes back in to take over again. As usual, JR is perfect at calling this kind of a story and Shawn getting two off a DDT has Jerry trying as hard as he can to believe in Shawn.

The Lionsault hits knees and Shawn pulls himself up but gets pulled into a Walls attempt. That’s reversed into a quick small package to get rid of Jericho and make it one on one (Lawler: “I BELIEVE I BELIEVE!”). Jericho isn’t gone yet though and caves Shawn’s head in with a chair shot. Why that isn’t a DQ on Orton isn’t clear but Shawn is done as Orton comes back in.

That’s only good for two and you can see the sigh of relief from Austin. Orton’s high crossbody hits the referee and here’s Bischoff to break up Sweet Chin Music. That’s too much for Austin so it’s a Stunner to Orton but he makes the mistake of beating on Bischoff a bit too much. They go up the aisle and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin.

Rating: B+. I love this match and always have. It doesn’t really pick up until Shawn is on his own but that’s what he’s done best throughout his entire career. He knows how to play the underdog better than anyone I’ve ever seen and you really can get behind the Lawler mindset of trying to believe here. As usual, Shawn is great in this role and it’s never too far to believe that he could pull this off (quick superkick, small package for two eliminations). Great stuff, but you might want to skip the first few minutes.

Austin is stunned at the loss because he placed his career in someone else’s hands and was let down. The bloody Shawn can barely stand and Austin congratulates him for giving it everything he had. Austin grabs the mic and talks about starting here in Dallas and going out here as well. Coach comes out to laugh and gets beaten up one more time with security getting the same treatment. Beer is consumed as a final goodbye. You know, assuming you believe that he’s gone for good this time.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker wants the title one more time but Vince screwed him over at No Mercy. Therefore Undertaker wanted a Buried Alive match here, because that’s where you go from here. Vince then went into this weird spiritual thing, which really didn’t work or accomplish much.

Tazz’s key for Vince’s victory: AVOID THE HOLE! Good advice.

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Buried Alive and Vince drops to a knee in prayer before the match. Undertaker punches him down to start and the beating is on in a hurry. Vince is already bleeding less than thirty seconds in as this is going to be one sided for a long time. The beating continues until Undertaker crotches him on the post to switch things up a bit. More low blows keep Vince in trouble and it’s time to go to the floor with Undertaker choking with a cord. Completely one sided so far, as you probably guessed.

Cole and Tazz try to explain the idea of Vince being punished for his sins, which I’m guessing are mainly about Stephanie. I mean, almost everything else is. Vince is thrown over the announcers’ table and it’s time to go to the grave. Well just Undertaker at this point and he comes back with a shovel. One heck of a shot to the head rocks Vince again and Cole declares it over. So much for Undertaker’s hot streak.

Vince’s ankle gets crushed by the steps and NOW it’s time to head to the grave. Vince finally throws some dirt in the eyes (his first “offense”) and a low blow keeps Undertaker in trouble. A shovel to the head puts Undertaker in the grave….for a few seconds. He pulls Vince in and goes to the front loader to drop the dirt but gets cut off by lightning. Cue Kane to beat up Undertaker and bury him (again) to give Vince the win.

Rating: D-. So yeah LOLVINCEWINS because of course he does. There was nothing to see here unless you like Undertaker destroying people and then having a surprise ending. The announcers treated this like Undertaker’s last match, because if there’s one thing Undertaker is known for, it’s going away for good. It’s more of a match than an angle, and there’s no way that’s how Undertaker is going out. Bad match but moderately entertaining beatdown.

Cole and Tazz are SHOCKED.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Goldberg won the title last month so HHH put a $100,000 bounty on his head. Batista returned and collected by breaking Goldberg’s ankle so tonight it’s about revenge and the title. There’s not much of a reason for this to main event but would you expect much else? Well save for Vince maybe?

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle. HHH is looking as out of shape as I’ve seen him in years, probably due to his bad groin injury. Hang on a second though as Goldberg has to quickly dispatch Flair to make it a little more fair. They head outside in short order with Goldberg hammering away but the ankle gives out on a gorilla press attempt.

A chop block takes Goldberg down and we hit the meat of the match. Flair is back up as HHH sends Goldberg outside, meaning a distraction sets up a chair to Goldberg’s ankle. There’s another chop block back inside and the slow leg work continues with Flair getting in a few shots of his own. A knee drop keeps the ankle in trouble and we hit a half crab. At least he knows his low level submissions.

Goldberg grabs the rope and fires off some right hands to little avail. A limping clothesline works a bit better as Flair is beside himself. HHH takes him down again and calls for a Figure Four, only to be kicked into the referee. That means brass knuckles for a very near fall and HHH beats up the referee again. The sledgehammer is brought down but Goldberg kicks him down with the bad ankle.

Flair’s latest attempt at interfering gets him slammed off the top (JR: “It hasn’t worked in thirty years.”) and Goldberg grabs the hammer. A shot to the ribs drops Flair and an invading Batista and Orton are quickly dispatched as well. The Pedigree is blocked and Goldberg picks up the hammer again but throws it down. Instead it’s a spear and Jackhammer to retain the title like a real man.

Rating: D+. Well if you’re a fan of HHH working the ankle, have fun. Goldberg looks strong, but there have been so many other big matches tonight that this isn’t the strongest way to end things. I’ll give them points for giving Goldberg a push, but you’re crazy if you think HHH isn’t getting the title back within the next month. Just a messy brawl, but it could have been much worse. At least HHH didn’t need fifteen minutes of working the leg.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some good and bad stuff on this show but the bad wins out in the end. Between the weak main event, not great opener and pretty terrible Vince vs. Undertaker match, there’s not enough to put with Shawn’s amazing performance. This was better than I was expecting though and that’s a nice relief. Both shows need something fresh on top and it actually seems to be happening on Smackdown. I’ll take one out of two, especially at this point in time.

 

 

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Summerslam 2021
Date: August 21, 2021
Location: Allegiant Stadium, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 51,326
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole, Jimmy Smith, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

It’s time for one of the biggest Summerslams ever, as this is the first major event after the attendance restrictions were lifted after the Coronavirus pandemic. They need a major main event to make that work and that is what they have with John Cena challenging Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. Other than that, we have Bobby Lashley vs. Goldberg for the WWE Title because we must have Goldberg. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Big E. vs. Baron Corbin

Baron’s Happy days weren’t here yet. Some woman from Tik Tok is a guest ring announcer and Big E. doesn’t have his Money In The Bank briefcase as Corbin stole it from him. The rather sad Corbin clutches the briefcase and gets belly to belly suplexed to start. Big E. misses the apron splash though and Corbin is thrilled with the idea of winning via countout.

That doesn’t work so Corbin sends him into the post a few times, setting up the chinlock to keep Big E. down. A chokeslam is countered into a stretch muffler of all things but Corbin slips out and hits Deep Six for two. Corbin heads outside to grab the briefcase, earning himself a ram into the barricade. Back in and the Big Ending is good enough to finish Corbin at 6:31.

Rating: C. Set up a quick story on TV and then pay it off with a fast match here. That’s all you need to do for a Kickoff Show match and seeing the horrible loser take another loss will always work. Things would get better for Corbin soon, while Big E. would wind up having a pretty lame WWE Title reign, though at least he got there.

We’re in Las Vegas so the opening video has a poker theme, which lasts all of a few moments before going into the look at the matches, as expected. Also as expected, John Cena vs. Roman reigns feels way bigger than anything else.

Those stadium shows always look awesome and that is the case again here.

Raw Tag Team Titles: RKBro vs. AJ Styles/Omos

RKBro is challenging after reuniting last week to go after the titles. Orton and Styles start (not a bad choice) with Orton sending him flying with an early suplex. It’s off to Riddle so Styles bails to the floor and assaults the announcers’ table. Back in and Styles hands it off to Omos for the big slam on Riddle. Styles puts the chinlock on but Riddle elbows his way out of the fireman’s carry. That lets Riddle hit a running knee on Omos but Styles is there to cut off a diving tag to Orton.

The comeback is on, including a backdrop to Styles and forearms to Omos. Orton powerslams Styles and, after knocking Omos off the apron, hits the hanging DDT. Omos saves Styles from the RKO though and then chokeslams Riddle onto the apron. Riddle is back up with a posting for Omos but Styles is back with a moonsault from the apron into a reverse DDT to drop Riddle hard. Back in and Styles blocks the RKO, only to get caught with the second attempt to give Orton the pin and the titles at 7:05.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t quite a classic but it makes perfect sense to put this on first. The fans loved RKBro and letting them have their big win was going to get the show started in the right direction. Styles and Omos were fine for a pretty nice title reign, but you’re only going to get so much out of that. Good choice for the opener here and Orton getting some focus is almost always a good thing.

Riddle being so freaking happy over the win is a great thing.

We recap Alexa Bliss vs. Eva Marie, which is over Bliss’ doll Lillie being all evil. Eva wanted Doudrop to go after Bliss but she was scared of the doll, meaning Eva and Doudrop aren’t in a great place coming in.

Eva Marie vs. Alexa Bliss

Doudrop is here with Marie. Sign in the crowd: “Eva Marie is worse than an airport tuna sandwich.” Points for creative, which cancels out the negative points for the massive CGI Lillie doll. During the entrance, we get a quick look at Lillie being able to sit up and wink, because of course she can. Bliss dodges a few charges to start and Eva falls out to the floor.

Back in and Bliss elbows her in the face as they’re going in very slow motion to start. Eva gets in a few shots but stops to slap Lillie, who she also uses to slap Bliss. That’s enough to send Bliss into a rage for some bad right hands, setting up a flipping splash for two. Doudrop insists that she believe in Eva as Lillie is sat back on top. Bliss sends her into the corner but misses Twisted Bliss to give Eva two. Back up and Bliss hits a DDT (which Marie falls too soon on) for the pin at 3:50. Doudrop seems well pleased.

Rating: D-. This was one of those matches that would have felt like a bad filler on Raw, let alone getting time on one of the biggest shows of the year. Eva was brought back in for star power but then she has a match like this and so much of it is dropped out the window. Bliss was better, but the Lillie stuff was killing her and that was getting more and more obvious every week.

Post match Doudrop makes sure to announce Eva as the loser of the match.

Mario Lopez, in a swank Hart Foundation shirt, brings in RKBro with Randy Orton promising that it is going to be smooths ailing for the team going forward. He’s still getting used to the Bro name though. Riddle has a surprise for him on Raw too, which would wind up being a scooter (with tassels).

United States Title: Sheamus vs. Damian Priest

Priest is challenging after beating Sheamus in a non-title match, where he re-injured Sheamus’ nose (hence a protective mask). Sheamus headlocks him down to start before switching into a hammerlock. Back up and Priest rocks him with a right hand before muscling him up for the Broken Arrow. Sheamus is sent outside so there’s the running step up flip dive to take him out again.

Priest’s spin kick is countered and he gets sent hard into the post, meaning it’s time to slow down a bit. A belly to back suplex sets up a chinlock but Priest is right back up. That works for Sheamus, who plants him with the Irish Curse and stops to pose. Priest powers out of another chinlock and hurricanranas his way out of a powerbomb, only to get powerslammed for two more.

Back up and Sheamus stops to check his hair, allowing Priest to get in a running tornado DDT but his back seems to be flaring up. The back is fine enough to hit a top rope spinwheel kick but Sheamus snaps him throat first across the top to break up a…..something. A top rope clothesline into an Alabama Slam gives Sheamus two and frustration is setting in.

The Brogue Kick is countered with a kick to the head though and Priest grabs South Of Heaven for two more. Sheamus knees him out of the air for two of his own and it’s off to a heel hook of all things. Priest fights up and rips off the mask, allowing him to hammer away. A kick to the face sets up the Reckoning to give Priest the pin and the title at 13:49.

Rating: B-. That’s the kind of big time fight that you need to have in a spot like this and they did the right thing with the ending. Priest took every big thing that Sheamus had and then won clean with his finisher. WWE set Priest up in the last few months and then paid him off with a win here, which is what you’re supposed to do. Nicely done.

We recap Dominik Mysterio causing issues for his dad, because they have literally been teasing this split for over a year now.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Mysterios

The Usos are defending. Rey hammers on Jimmy to start but it’s too early for the 619. The Usos are both sent outside with Rey hitting the sliding splash, followed by a springboard dive from Dominik. Dominik comes in for Three Amigos to Jimmy but Jey breaks up the frog splash with a shove out to the floor. The top rope Demolition Decapitator hits Dominik for no cover and Jimmy adds a running headbutt for two.

Dominik tries to fight out of the corner and gets BLASTED with an uppercut to drop him again. Jey hits Two Amigos and stops to pose before shouting some Spanish. A neckbreaker gets Dominik out of trouble though and there’s the hot tag to Mysterio to start cleaning house.

The tornado DDT gets two on Jimmy and the top rope seated senton puts him down again. Everything breaks down and it’s a superkick into the Superfly Splash for two on Rey. Dominik is back in and gets dropped on the apron like the schmuck that he is. Jimmy misses another Superfly Splash but he raises his knees to block a frog splash. The double superkick sets up the Superfly Splash to retain the titles at 10:48.

Rating: C+. The Usos and Rey managed to overcome Dominik’s extreme level of bleh to have a decent match. The Usos are able to have a pretty good match against anyone and that is what they did again here. It’s a rematch from another recent title change so there was only so much interest, but that has been the chance for either Tag Team Titles for years now.

Actress Tiffany Haddish introduces the new National Champion Damian Priest, who doesn’t like bullies. He likes being the UNITED STATES Champion though.

Rick Boogs plays new Intercontinental Champion Rick Boogs to the ring, allowing Pat McAfee to dance on the announcers’ table.

We recap Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair for the latter’s Smackdown Women’s Title. Belair beat her at Wrestlemania to win the title so Banks left (as she does) and then came back for a rematch. However, there were rumors that Banks wasn’t cleared to wrestle so things might be up in the air.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Sasha Banks

Hold on though as Banks isn’t cleared to compete (right) so we have a replacement.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Carmella

Belair is….hang on a second.

BECKY LYNCH IS BACK beats the heck out of Carmella, meaning we have a replacement (again).

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Belair is defending and it’s a right hand into the Manhandle Slam to make Lynch champion at 25 seconds.

And for those you keeping track, had it been Banks vs. Belair, it would indeed be the same story for Belair at back to back Summerslams.

WWE is going back to Saudi Arabia and yes, it’s amazing, mainly because they’ve been well paid to say so.

Tamyra Mensah-Stock and Gable Steveson, Olympic gold medal winners in wrestling, are here for a nice presentation.

We get the same WWE Shop commercial for the third time in less than two hours.

Drew McIntyre vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal cost Drew Money in the Bank so tonight it’s about revenge with Mahal’s goons barred from ringside. McIntyre drives him into the corner to start and hits a quick clothesline, followed by the toss suplex. A trip to the floor goes badly for Mahal as well, so McIntyre throws him back inside for some begging. Mahal brings up their previous friendship before getting in a superkick for two. The chinlock doesn’t do much to McIntyre so it’s the Glasgow Kiss into a series of overhead belly to belly suplexes. The Futureshock into the Claymore finishes Mahal at 4:36.

Rating: D+. Yeah what were you expecting here? Mahal has long since stopped meaning anything so having McIntyre beat him without much trouble was the only way to go. That’s what they did here and it was a fine way to go, albeit in a bad match. You can only get so much out of a match that is this one sided though and that’s what brought this down.

Post match Veer and Shanky come to the ring to go after McIntyre, who chases them off with the sword.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match, with new champion Nikki Ash defending against Charlotte and Rhea Ripley. Nikki cashed in Money in the Bank on Charlotte, who had been beaten down by Ripley. Tonight it’s time to crush Nikki once and for all, because she has been treated like a loser since she won the title in the first place, because A, Charlotte and B, it’s a really stupid gimmick.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Rhea Ripley vs. Nikki Ash

Nikki is defending and, after some Big Match Intros, gets shoved down by Charlotte to start. The monkey flip takes Charlotte down and a rollup gets two on Ripley. Back up and Charlotte tosses Nikki out, leaving Ripley to shoulder Charlotte into the corner. Nikki comes back in so Charlotte can beat up both of them at once, including slamming Ash onto Ripley for the double stack.

The moonsault hits Ripley’s raised boot though, leaving Nikki to counter Riptide into a crossbody for two. Charlotte and Ripley mess up something so Charlotte hits a big boot for two of her own. Nikki is sent outside and another big boot sends Ripley outside. A tornado DDT drops Charlotte to give Nikki two but Ripley is back in to German suplex both of them at once.

Ripley’s missile dropkick gets two on Charlotte, leaving Ripley with the stunned kickout face. Charlotte and Ripley brawl to the floor for the slugout until Nikki dives onto both of them for no reaction. Back in and Ripley and Ash go for a double suplex on Charlotte, who counters into a double DDT, then knocks them both outside (because of course she does). Charlotte corkscrew moonsaults onto both of them, with Ash being driven HARD into the barricade.

Ripley finally gets in a big boot on Charlotte and Prism Traps Nikki, only to have Charlotte break it up again. The Prism Trap to Charlotte is countered into the Figure Eight but Nikki dives off the top for the save. Nikki hits the Reckoning for two on Charlotte with Ripley making a save this time. The Riptide is countered into a DDT to send Ripley outside and this isn’t looking good for Nikki. A high crossbody misses for Nikki and Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight to get the title back at 13:03.

Rating: C+. While it’s an entertaining match, this made me mad last year and it’s doing it again here. Nikki might as well have been a lamb led to the slaughter here, as Ripley looks like a killer and Charlotte looks like a star, while Nikki looks like a mascot of a low rent kids’ birthday party place. Throw in Charlotte being booked like a train here and then getting Nikki to tap in the end and this was ALL about Charlotte, as is far too often the case anytime she’s around. Nikki being called ALMOST A Superhero was bad enough, but then she’s just a meal for Charlotte, like so many others have been over the years.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. Edge. Rollins cost Edge the universal Title against Roman Reigns last month, which is apparently tied to a moment in 2014, when the Shield teased attacking Edge and almost wiped him out. Now Edge knows that if Rollins hits the Curb Stomp, his career is probably over. I’m not sure how good of a feud it was, but Edge facing someone new is a fun thing to see.

Edge vs. Seth Rollins

I almost didn’t recognize Rollins without his Freakin. Edge comes out with a hybrid Brood/Metalingus theme for a pretty awesome moment. Feeling out process to start with Edge grabbing a headlock and then knocking Rollins to the floor for some frustration. Back in and Rollins forearms away but gets backdropped right back over the top for a crash. Edge sends him back inside and then outside again but this time Rollins drives him into the post.

A trip into the steps makes it worse and Rollins grabs a neckbreaker for two back inside. Rollins hits a Sling Blade but Edge is smart enough to go to the ropes before the Stomp can launch. Yet another neckbreaker is countered though and Edge grabs a flapjack for a breather. Rollins is able to knock him off the top, setting up a heck of a frog splash for two. Another Stomp attempt is avoided so they go up top at the same time, with Edge grabbing a super swinging neckbreaker (which would seem to hurt them both equally).

It’s Edge up first with a big boot and the Edgecution for two, leaving him a bit frustrated this time. The Edge-O-Matic is good for the same but Rollins suplexes him down. Another Stomp misses so Edge grabs a Glam Slam for two (nice touch). Edge has to avoid another Stomp and sends Rollins into the post, setting up a spear through the ropes and out to the floor for the crash.

Rollins is driven into the apron and the screen (because there’s a screen) is knocked out to give Edge two more. The spear is countered into the Pedigree (how Rollins beat Roman Reigns one day) for another near fall, meaning it’s Rollins being stunned this time. With nothing on the ground working, Rollins goes up top for the Phoenix splash, only to get speared down for another near fall.

With nothing else working, Rollins just hits him in the back of the neck, setting up a basement superkick to the back of the head. Rollins goes for the Stomp yet again but gets reversed into the Edgecator of all things, with Edge letting go to switch into the Crossface. Edge rams him face first into the mat and makes it a Crossface sleeper for the tap at 21:14.

Rating: B. They beat each other up for a long time until Edge got him in the end. The story here centered around the Stomp and it was a logical way to go given the buildup from that 2014 segment. That being said, going off a segment from seven years ago that wasn’t so interesting in the first place and it was a weird build to get there. Good match, but the road there could have been better.

Money In The Bank is in a football stadium next year. Gee that’s a quick turnaround for the same stadium but I’m sure nothing will go wrong.

Tonight’s attendance of 51,326 is officially announced.

Earlier tonight, John Morrison and Miz drove a water truck into the stadium.

Here are Miz and John Morrison for a chat. They’re ready to soak everyone….but Morrison has forgotten the Drip Stick 2000s. Miz doesn’t have them either, so here is Xavier Woods with the Drip Stick 2000 (a water cannon with a water tank attached). Woods is told he’s outnumbered but he does a survey (as part of his weird NWO tribute phase) and then sprays both of them down. And that’s it, as the crowd was SILENT during this.

We recap Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley for the WWE Title. Goldberg showed up as a challenger (as he tends to do) and the match was made, but then Lashley and MVP went after Goldberg’s son Gage (who looked like he would rather be having his teeth pulled out than be here) to make it personal. In other words, it’s a battle of the spears because WWE thinks that is the most amazing idea ever.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, with MVP, is defending. After the Big Match Intros, they go with the power off to start, with Goldberg hitting a flying shoulder and a World’s Strongest Slam. Back up and Lashley knocks him down with a hard shot of his own. Neither can hit a Jackhammer though so Lashley gets in some shots to the back of the neck. For some reason Lashley goes up top but gets slammed down, meaning MVP needs to offer a distraction.

That’s fine with Goldberg, who hits the spear on the floor to rock Lashley again. With nothing else working, MVP hits Goldberg in the knee with his cane, allowing Lashley to hit a chop block. A spinebuster puts Goldberg down again and he rolls outside for a rather out of character move. Lashley follows and drives the knee into the post twice in a row….which is enough for the referee stoppage at 7:12 as Goldberg can’t stand.

Rating: D+. Yeah it wasn’t awful, but at the same tome it is really hard to find any reason to be interested in Goldberg. All he does is come in, do some lame story, and then get a title match. That wasn’t the case here, and Lashley can only do so much. Nothing to see here, but at least Goldberg is done again for the time being.

Post match Lashley stays on Goldberg with a chair, but Goldberg’s son comes in to jump Lashley. That earns him a Hurt Lock, but MVP points out who it is and Lashley lets him go. Goldberg swears vengeance and covers his son as MVP says Lashley had no way of knowing who that was. BECAUSE THIS NEEDED A REMATCH!

We recap Roman Reigns vs. John Cena for the Universal Title. Reigns has been champion for about a year so now it’s Cena coming in for the dream match. Reigns talked about how Cena never changes (Reigns: “It’s like missionary position EVERY NIGHT!”) but Cena says Reigns has to change every few years because people stop caring. Cena also brought up that all it takes is three seconds to win the title, no matter what Reigns does to him. Oh and if Reigns loses, he’s leaving WWE, because WWE likes to take away any drama they might build up.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns, with Paul Heyman, is defending. Cena comes out first and my goodness you can feel the star power dripping off of him like no one else that you ever see. As a great touch, the screen behind Cena’s entrance shows his sixteen World Titles, including the dates he won them. They take their time before eventually locking up for a standoff. Cena rolls him up for two and points it out to Reigns as the mind games are on.

That doesn’t work for Reigns, who knocks him down and then does it again to make it worse. A snap suplex gives Reigns two and we hit the chinlock. Cena gets tossed outside and there’s the big whip into the steps, allowing Reigns to pose again. Reigns can even stop to pose on the steps with the title but Cena gets in a quick rollup for two (in a great touch because it’s THAT CLOSE to the upset).

A quick AA attempt is countered into a DDT to give Reigns two, allowing him to apologize to movie executives for hurting Cena. Reigns cuts off a comeback attempt with a right hand and says this is easy. Another AA attempt is countered into a sleeper, with Cena powering up to drive him into the corner. Reigns still isn’t impressed, so Cena hits that big running clothesline of his for a needed breather.

Back up and Cena hits the running shoulders into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into a quickly broken guillotine though, leaving Reigns to hit a Superman Punch to take over again. The spear is cut off with a kick to the face and now the Shuffle connects. There’s the AA for two (with Cole freaking out on commentary to give away the kickout). The STF sends Reigns to the rope for the break so Cena follows him outside, earning himself an apron kick to the face.

Reigns gets a running start but charges into an AA through the announcers’ table for two back inside, leaving Cena frustrated. Cena goes up top but dives into a powerbomb for two and needs to pull himself up in the corner. The spear misses in the corner though and it’s the super AA for two, with the Reigns Leaves If He Loses stipulation being brought up for the first time all match. For some reason Cena tries his own spear but gets kicked in the face. They slug it out with Reigns hitting the Superman Punch into a spear to retain at 23:00.

Rating: B+. This wasn’t the best match in the world, but it was all about the big match atmosphere. That was hitting completely, as Cena knows how to bring the feeling like no one else these days. While it wasn’t likely that Cena was going to win, there was the feeling that it could happen and that’s good enough. Throw in Cena knowing how to do this match just well enough and it felt like a main event worth title match between two titans.

Post match Reigns poses but here is Brock Lesnar, making his first appearance in well over a year. Lesnar circles the ring and then stands on the steps before the staredown sends Reigns backing away. While the feud is tired, this would lead to a heck of a story as Paul Heyman was stuck between the two of them and even switched sides for a few weeks. Anyway, Lesnar poses as reigns and Heyman leave to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Most of the bigger matches clicked well, but there were enough things bringing the rest of the show down. The biggest thing though was the crowd actually being around, as it adds so much to the show. This was a rare situation where Summerslam was a way bigger show than Wrestlemania and the quality was good enough too. The bad parts are pretty bad but the stronger parts of the card carried it over. Solid show, but fast forward some of those weaker points.

Ratings Comparison

Big E. vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C
Redo: C

RKBro vs. AJ Styles/Omos

Original: C+
Redo: C+

Eva Marie vs Alexa Bliss

Original: F
Redo: D-

Sheamus vs. Damian Priest

Original: B-
Redo: B-

Usos vs. Mysterios

Original: C-
Redo: C+

Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair

Original: N/A
Redo: N/A

Jinder Mahal vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: D+
Redo: D+

Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte vs. AJ Styles

Original: B-
Redo: C+

Seth Rollins vs. Edge

Original: B+
Redo: B

Bobby Lashley vs. Goldberg

Original: D+
Redo: D+

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

Original: A-
Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: C+
Redo: B-

Mostly the same here, though some of the bad stuff pulled the original down a bit.

Here is the original review if you’re interested:

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2019
Date: August 11, 2019
Location: Scotiabank Arena, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,904
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

I know I say something like this every year but it never ceases to amaze me how little I can remember about a show from the previous year. I can remember midcard matches from thirty years ago but the main event of this show? It took me a little while to come up with it and that’s not good. How can these things be that unmemorable? Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Oney Lorcan vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak is defending and thank goodness there are fans in the building for the Kickoff Show. Drew hits a shotgun dropkick to start but Lorcan shoves him away. We hit the lockup and then go to the mat with Gulak gaining mat control. Back up and Gulak slams him hard into the corner and we take a break. We come back with Gulak riding him into a chinlock until Lorcan fights up again. Some uppercuts set up the running Blockbuster for two on Gulak.

They head outside with Gulak being sent into various things, only to come back with the Gulock back inside. Lorcan makes the rope so it’s a double clothesline to put them both down again. Back up and Gulak actually wins a slugout, setting up the Gulock. That’s flipped over into a cradle for two but the half and half is broken up. Lorcan does the Ultimate Warrior pose and pulls Gulak back in, which brings the ring skirt in with him. The distraction lets Gulak hit him in the throat, setting up the Cyclone Crash to retain the title at 8:49.

Rating: C. They beat the heck out of each other in some short bursts here and that is one of the better ways to open things up. Lorcan is always good for a spot like this and I dug Gulak’s singles run. It wasn’t an epic showdown or anything but it got the show off on a nice enough foot, which is the point of this division.

Kickoff Show: Buddy Murphy vs. Apollo Crews

This is during the time when Murphy could barely get on television and was still the Best Kept Secret. A quick knee gets two on Crews and Murphy stomps away in the corner. The chinlock doesn’t last long and they get up for an exchange of crossbodies. It’s Crews up first with a kick to the head and a jumping clothesline. The Angle Slam is escaped but Crews hits a Samoan drop into a standing moonsault for two.

Crews gets caught in the corner though and a running powerbomb gives Murphy his own two. Murphy hits another knee but Crews reverses Murphy’s Law into a cradle for another near fall. A backdrop sends Murphy to the floor, where he sends Crews into the steps. The big no hands flip dive drops Crews again….and here’s Erick Rowan to jump Murphy for the DQ (part of the Who Attacked Roman Reigns story) at 4:39.

Rating: C. It was an action packed match but they didn’t have much time before they got to the storyline ending. This is another case where it’s amazing how fast this stuff goes in one side of my head and out the other as I barely remember any of this aside from Murphy being taken out of the story so fast. I could have gone with more from these two, but it wasn’t going to matter with the big story going on.

Post match Rowan destroys Murphy even more, including a powerbomb against the post.

Here’s Elias for a song about Toronto. They think they are the center of the universe but they can’t win the Stanley Cup and no one goes to the Blue Jays game. Oh and the Toronto Raptors’ best player left town….and here’s Edge to interrupt. Edge gets the big hometown pop and then hits a very surprising spear, marking Edge’s first physical contact in over eight years. Then he never did anything physical again ever. Apparently he was medically cleared here but WWE was waiting on the big moment at the Rumble. Fair enough.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Tag Team Titles: Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. IIconics

Bliss and Cross are defending after winning the titles earlier in the week on Raw. Bliss has the Buzz Lightyear gear on and that’s a rather good choice. Kay on the other hand is Maleficent, sending Graves into a rant about how this isn’t Disney. Graves talks about the IIconics being locked in a hotel and laying in bed together for 24 hours to meld their energies but since Jerry Lawler isn’t on commentary, no one bites. Kay and Bliss trade headlocks to start until Bliss threatens her with the laser on her arm. That sends Graves through the roof again, to the point where he threatens to turn in his Bliss fan card.

It’s off to Cross as the Toy Story references come in fast. Peyton rolls Cross up for two but a blind tag lets Kay come back in to get in a cheap shot. A double kick to the back keeps Cross down and we hit the chinlock. Kay gets two off a gutwrench suplex but Cross faceplants Peyton and the hot tag brings in Bliss to clean house. Corey: “I was expecting Moana to come save the day.” Everything breaks down and Peyton hits something like a Widow’s Peak for two on Bliss. The kickout sends her into hysterics so Bliss punches Peyton down and nails Twisted Bliss to retain at 6:11.

Rating: D+. These titles continue to mean a grand total of nothing and are little more than a way to get the IIconics out there to annoy the fans while Bliss works on her cosplay skills. There isn’t enough of a division to hold them up at the moment and it becomes more and more obvious every time they’re defended. As in probably every month and a half or so.

The opening video talks about how we have arrived. You don’t get chances like these very often, so when you do, seize the moment. Tonight, we are Summerslam.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Natalya in a submission match for the Raw Women’s Title. Natalya won a four way to get the title shot in her home country, because WWE still thinks that Natalya makes for an interesting challenger.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging in a submission match. The fans certainly seem to like both of them, though that might be due to Natalya coming out carrying a Canadian flag. They stare each other down and trade slaps to start so Becky drives her into the corner. That earns her a discus lariat but Becky is right back up to slug away again. The Bexploder sends Natalya down but the cross armbreaker is blocked. Becky grabs a triangle instead so Natalya tries a powerbomb.

That doesn’t break it up so Natalya lifts her up, only to get hurricanranaed down. Becky cranks on the legs near the apron and they fall to the floor with Natalya sending her into the barricade. Back in and Natalya suplexes her into the ropes to bang up the knee. The fans are behind Becky as she fires off knees but Natalya wraps the knee across the rope. The Sharpshooter goes on in the corner, which doesn’t seem like it would be as effective since there is almost no torque on Becky’s back and therefore the knees.

That’s broken up in a hurry and they fall outside with Natalya being sent into the announcers’ table. Now it’s a LET’S GO BECKY/NATTIE SUCKS chant as Natalya hits a superplex back inside for a double knockdown. It’s Natalya up first but the basement dropkick is countered into Becky’s version of the Sharpshooter. Natalya crawls over to the corner and rolls Becky into it for the escape and they’re both down.

Becky misses a kick out of the corner though and Natalya grabs the Disarm-Her for a change. That’s reverses and Becky tries the Sharpshooter but Natalya reverses into one of her own in the middle of the ring. Becky crawls to the rope for the break and this time pulls Natalya into the Disarm-Her to retain at 12:24.

Rating: B-. It was a good back and forth match but more importantly, now we can stop acting like Natalya is anything more than a good hand who gets the occasional title shot. Even her home country fans weren’t caring about her because they see what she is: talented in the ring but boring everywhere else. She’s been around forever and seeing her in these spots over and over again just makes me groan most of the time. I can’t believe I’m alone in that sentiment either. Also, like Becky was losing to anyone just four months after Wrestlemania. Well except to Charlotte of course.

Trish Stratus is ready to show Charlotte that legends are better than modern wrestlers because Charlotte couldn’t walk a mile in her boots.

We recap Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler. Dolph had been set up for a match against Miz but insulted Shawn Michaels and Goldberg on the way there. This set up a match against a legend instead, with Ziggler expecting Michaels but getting Goldberg. Just keep it short.

Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler

Before the match, Ziggler says he’s the best thing that could happen to this show because he gets rid of legends. Goldberg might not even be here tonight….and there’s the music. We get the full entrance and the pyro is rather strong as usual. The bell rings and they stare each other down, with Ziggler hitting a superkick for an early one. Another superkick gets another one but Goldberg hits a heck of a spear. The Jackhammer finishes Ziggler at 1:46. That’s how it should have been and Ziggler sold that spear as well as anyone in a good while.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Ricochet for the US Title. Ricochet didn’t think much of AJ treating him like an afterthought and then beat AJ to retain the title. Then Styles beat him up and took the title in their second title match with some help from Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows. Now it’s the trilogy match.

US Title: AJ Styles vs. Ricochet

Styles is defending and has Gallows and Anderson in his corner. Ricochet is in the full body suit here, which is always a weird visual. AJ goes right for him to start but gets knocked outside, with Ricochet using Anderson and Gallows as stepping stones to grab a hurricanrana on Styles. Back in and AJ stomps him down in the corner before switching to the leg in a smart move. Some elbows to the knee have Ricochet down and the knee is bent around the middle rope.

Ricochet manages to get in a kick to the face and another one to the head out of the corner. A one legged springboard clothesline (nice touch) gets two on AJ and a jumping neckbreaker into the running shooting star is good for the same. AJ is smart enough to kick the knee out again and Ricochet is sent outside. The fans are split but the dueling chants are cut off by AJ hitting a baseball slide.

Back in and AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker gets two more but Ricochet hits another kick to the head for another two. They’re both down with Ricochet slapping the leg, which would seem to hurt it even more but it’s wrestling logic. Since AJ knows his logic as well, we hit the Calf Crusher but Ricochet slams AJ’s head into the mat and slaps on an Anaconda Vice of all things.

With that broken up, Ricochet muscles him up with a suplex for two more and can’t believe AJ kicks out. How deadly does he think his suplex is? Ricochet takes out a distracting Gallows but the delay lets AJ crotch him on top. AJ gets knocked back though and Ricochet tries something like a Whisper in the Wind, only to have AJ pull him out of the air and into the Styles Clash to retain at 12:54. That looked awesome.

Rating: B. These two work well together and that’s all you need in this situation. Let them go out there and do their thing, with Ricochet looking great and AJ getting to show why he’s as great as everyone thinks he is. This was pretty much it for Ricochet as a singles challenger though, which has been the case ever since. I’m not sure what more you could want from Ricochet (just don’t let him talk) but hey, it’s not like WWE needs new stars with insane athletic ability, experience and charisma right?

Post match Anderson and Gallows give Ricochet the Magic Killer.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Ember Moon

Moon is challenging and it’s almost weird to see old school Bayley these days. Bayley armdrags her down to start so an annoyed Moon sweeps the leg. A headlock doesn’t work for Bayley as Ember sends her into the corner for the front flip clothesline. Moon splashes her for two and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Back up and Moon misses a crossbody, allowing Bayley to hit the sliding lariat.

Bayley hangs her over the top and grabs a suplex for two more, setting up the stomping in the corner. The fans sing to Bayley, who pulls her shoulder first into the rope. Moon gets tied in the Tree of Woe for the springboard elbow and we hit the inverted Boston crab. That’s broken up and Moon nips up for a headscissors (nice) to send Bayley outside.

Back in and a super hurricanrana sets up a twisting Dominator into some knees to the face (nice as well) for the next near fall. Bayley gets in a kick to the face and goes up, but Moon pulls her into a spinning powerbomb (Moon has a lot of nice stuff). Moon goes up top but Bayley is right there to pull her down with a super Bayley to Belly for the pin at 10:03.

Rating: B-. This is a weird one as Moon had some sweet stuff in there but just got pinned almost out of nowhere in the end. I know a lot of people don’t like the new Bayley and I get that, but watching her back, you can see how much she has grown with the heel turn and the new character. At this point, she was just kind of a person with a reputation and not much else. Good enough match, but Moon wouldn’t be around much longer due to her ankle injury and Bayley would turn heel in less than a month so none of this meant anything long term.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens. Shane went on a power/ego trip that the Attitude Era would think was a bit much and Owens was sick of him. This somehow meant EVEN MORE SHANE, who probably should have been #1 contender to the Smackdown World Title at this point. Anyway, Owens is gone if Shane wins and that is a rather popular idea.

Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens

The fans chant for Owens, but hang on though as Shane heads outside and says he has a guest outside referee: his personal goon Elias. Shane drops to the floor to start and Owens yells at Elias, with Shane sliding back in to try for the countout. That doesn’t work so the chase is on until Elias trips Owens. Back in and Owens hammers away in the corner, setting up the Cannonball.

A clothesline sends Shane outside for the third time but another Elias distraction lets Shane send Owens into the barricade. Back in and the Russian legsweep gets two on Owens and we hit the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants. A DDT gets two more and let’s hit that Hart reference with the Sharpshooter attempt. That’s broken up and Owens hit the Pop Up sitout powerbomb but Elias grabs the referee.

Owens picks up a chair and Shane offers a free shot but Owens goes with a superkick instead. There’s the Swanton into a frog splash for two, with Elias pulling the referee out again. The Owens cannonball hits both referees and that means he can grab the chair. Elias breaks that up so Owens chairs him over and over, leaving Owens to go after Shane again. The referee gets up and takes the chair away, so it’s a low blow into the Stunner to finish Shane at 9:19.

Rating: D+. Yeah what else were you expecting here? That being said, it was probably an easier sit this time around without having to watch all of the build to get to this match. Shane was a nightmare around this time and thankfully would be gone on the first Smackdown on Fox. At least Owens won here as someone had to finally beat Shane, who was completely ridiculous for the better part of a year at this point.

We recap Roman Reigns being attacked by a mystery man. Samoa Joe was accused of being the attacker but Buddy Murphy said it was Erick Rowan. Therefore, we flash back to the Kickoff Show with Rowan attacking Murphy.

Charlotte vs. Trish Stratus

Charlotte is the best of today and Trish may be the best ever, dream match ensues. They stare each other down (or up in Trish’s case) before going to the lockup against the ropes. The fans sing O Canada as it’s a standoff until Trish hits a quick Thesz non-press. Charlotte is right back with a Figure Four attempt but Trish flips her away with the headscissors. That lets Trish pose and soak in the YOU STILL GOT IT chants, followed by more circling.

This time it’s Charlotte being sent outside and Trish hits a Thesz press into the right hands off the apron. The posing is on but Charlotte isn’t ready to head back inside just yet. Instead she sends Trish hard into the barricade as they’re setting things up well so far. Back in and Trish is slammed face first into the mat a few times, setting up the double arm crank with a knee between the shoulders.

Charlotte nips up and mocks Trish’s point before bending the neck around the middle rope. Trish reverses a belly to back suplex into a crossbody for two, earning herself a knee to the neck. Some trash talk in the corner bring Trish back up so she double legs Charlotte for some right hands. That just earns her a big boot to the floor as Trish can’t get anything going here. Back in and Charlotte stomps her down but, say it with me, the moonsault misses.

Trish gets in a slap and starts the chops, including a WOO for a bonus. The Stratusphere is blocked but Trish pulls herself up and starts slapping away, setting up a super hurricanrana for two with the fans getting right back into things. The Chick Kick misses as well and Charlotte boots her in the face for her own two. It’s back to the leg but the Figure Four is countered into a small package to give Trish two more.

Trish gets her own Figure Four into the Figure Eight (Corey: “THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!” You knew he was getting that in somewhere) but Charlotte escapes again. Charlotte’s spear only hits buckle and the Stratusfaction connects for two more. They go head to head from their knees and slug it out until the Chick Kick gives Trish the next near fall. Another Chick Kick is countered with the big boot and the Figure Eight makes Trish tap at 16:37.

Rating: B+. Match of the night by a long stretch and the storytelling was working hard here. Charlotte being overconfident made sense as she never believes anyone is in her league and it’s not like Trish surviving here and getting back into things is a stretch. I had more fun with this the second time around and it’s a heck of a match with Trish showing she could easily hang at this level. Her generation gets a lot of (often deserved) flack but she was that good and deserves all kinds of praise for being an actual trailblazer.

Post match Charlotte leaves and Trish gets the big hero’s moment with the posing.

Bret Hart wishes Seth Rollins luck.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton. They brought up the infamous Madison Square Garden moment, which Orton claims for driving Kofi to where he is now. However, that wasn’t enough to make him better than Orton and now Orton wants the title. He even takes credit for the Wrestlemania moment and now Kofi is ready to prove that he got himself here.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Kofi is defending on his own and his kids are in the front row (cue your Scooby Roo ruh roh sound effect). Orton taunts him with a pancake to start so a fired up Kofi drives him into the corner to start. That gives us dueling KOFI’S STUPID/RANDY SUCKS chants and Kofi runs the corner for a spinning shot to the head to….oddly quiet the fans down. Weird Canadians. Kofi hammers away in the corner until a poke to the eye cuts him off again. A big shove sends Kofi off the top and down into the barricade for your first big crash.

Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table and the dueling chants are back. Back in and Orton bends Kofi’s back around the middle rope, followed by an uppercut to the floor. Kofi jumps over the steps though and hits a shot to the head. The crossbody off the apron misses though and Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table again. Back in again and Orton seems to approve of the dueling chants. The superplex is broken up though and Kofi hits a top rope DDT for two.

The chops have Orton rocked but he comes back with the backbreaker for two more. Kofi backdrops his way out of the hanging DDT though and mostly nails the Trust Fall. Back in and Orton catches him on the apron with the hanging DDT. The RKO is countered though and Kofi goes up, only to dive right into the RKO. For some reason Orton doesn’t cover though and Kofi rolls outside. Orton follows and yells at Kofi’s kids, which sends Kofi into a frenzy for….I guess a very fast double countout at 16:28.

Rating: C+. They were working well together and Kofi was starting to make Orton sweat at the end, but then they did the ending that was designed to do nothing more than set up a rematch at Clash Of Champions. That’s such a big problem with WWE today. Outside of Wrestlemania, everything is built around the idea of setting up a match at whatever show, leaving this show to feel unimportant. You’re already at Summerslam. How much of a bigger stage can you have for the rematch?

Post match the fans call BULLS*** and don’t seem interested as Kofi unloads with a kendo stick. Trouble In Paradise gets even less of a reaction.

We recap the Fiend vs. Finn Balor. Bray Wyatt had returned just after Wrestlemania with the Firefly Fun House, where he eventually started hinting at some kind of monster called the Fiend. Finn Balor became his first target and Balor said bring it on. The Fiend has attacked a few times before but this is his in-ring debut.

Finn Balor vs. The Fiend

Balor is all in white for the hero’s entrance but Fiend blows him away, with the debut of the severed head lantern and the upgraded theme music. Balor looks rightfully terrified and we’re ready to go. They even have the full lights on instead of going red for a nice relief. Fiend headbutts him down to start and wildly stomps away as the YOWIE WOWIE chants start up.

Balor manages a whip into the corner but Fiend leans back to scare him off. A clothesline to the back of the head sets up a release Rock Bottom and Fiend glares at him a lot. Sister Abigail is countered and Balor hits a Sling Blade into the jumping double stomp to the chest. The shotgun dropkick sets up the Coup de Grace but Fiend moves and grabs the mandible claw for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade as the match itself was far from the point. They were going with the idea of introducing the Fiend and making him out to be the new scary monster. That was accomplished in spades as Balor was completely destroyed and wound up heading back to NXT. Good stuff here, even if the match was barely anything to see.

Post match the lights go out again and Fiend appears on the stage. Balor’s eyes bug out as he isn’t sure what happened to him.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar. Seth beat him for the Universal Title at Wrestlemania but Brock cashed in Money in the Bank at Extreme Rules. Therefore, a now injured Seth, has to do it all over again. So yes, that’s really their best idea for the main event of Summerslam: just do Wrestlemania again.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is challenging and has injured ribs. After the Big Match Intros, Brock hits him in the ribs and drives shoulders in the corner. More shoulders have Paul Heyman rather pleased but Rollins flips out of a German suplex and hits a quick Stomp for two. The fans are properly woken up now and Brock bails to the floor, with Rollins hitting a running knee off the apron.

Back in and a pair of superkicks look to set up the Stomp but Rollins counters into the F5. Lesnar can’t follow up so he throws Rollins around by the rib tape. It’s time for the German suplexes to send Rollins outside, with Lesnar adding another suplex on the floor. Rollins slips out of an F5 though and posts Lesnar a few times, setting up the springboard knee to the head.

Lesnar is right back up with another German suplex though and they’re both down again. The dueling chants start again and Brock takes off the gloves. We hit the waistlock to stay on the ribs for a bit until Brock’s charge hits the post. Seth hits two suicide dives but the third one is countered with a hard ram into the post for another double knockdown.

The announcers’ table is loaded up but Seth superkicks Brock onto it instead, setting up the super frog splash from the top of the post. Another frog splash connects back inside and the Stomp gets two. The next Stomp is countered into a failed F5 attempt so Rollins superkicks him into another Stomp for the pin and the title at 13:21.

Rating: B. And then Lesnar went away forever, never to go after the World Title again. Or he won it again in about two and a half months because that’s what always happens. Anyway, this was another solid match between the two of them and it was a lot more engaging because it actually got some time. Lesnar’s spamming finishers matches get old in a hurry because he does them so often. Mix it up a bit with something like this between some talented people and it makes that big of a difference. It doesn’t have the impact because we saw it four months earlier, but at least it was good.

The celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. This is a pretty strong show with nothing terribly bad (Shane’s match is the weakest and even that involves seeing him get beaten up) and some solid performances in the big matches. It’s also a pretty short show with the main card clocking in at less than three and a half hours. They didn’t stretch this out further than they needed to and it felt like a big show. Good stuff here and worth a look if you have the time.

Ratings Comparison

Drew Gulak vs. Oney Lorcan

Original: C+

Redo: C

Apollo Crews vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C-

Redo: C

IIconics vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

Original: B

Redo: B-

Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Ricochet

Original: B

Redo: B

Ember Moon vs. Bayley

Original: D+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B+

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

Original: B-

Redo: C+

The Fiend vs. Finn Balor

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: B-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B

Oh come on it was better than that.

Here is the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/11/summerslam-2019-the-summertime-purples/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2019
Date: August 11, 2019
Location: Scotiabank Arena, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,904
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

I know I say something like this every year but it never ceases to amaze me how little I can remember about a show from the previous year. I can remember midcard matches from thirty years ago but the main event of this show? It took me a little while to come up with it and that’s not good. How can these things be that unmemorable? Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Oney Lorcan vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak is defending and thank goodness there are fans in the building for the Kickoff Show. Drew hits a shotgun dropkick to start but Lorcan shoves him away. We hit the lockup and then go to the mat with Gulak gaining mat control. Back up and Gulak slams him hard into the corner and we take a break. We come back with Gulak riding him into a chinlock until Lorcan fights up again. Some uppercuts set up the running Blockbuster for two on Gulak.

They head outside with Gulak being sent into various things, only to come back with the Gulock back inside. Lorcan makes the rope so it’s a double clothesline to put them both down again. Back up and Gulak actually wins a slugout, setting up the Gulock. That’s flipped over into a cradle for two but the half and half is broken up. Lorcan does the Ultimate Warrior pose and pulls Gulak back in, which brings the ring skirt in with him. The distraction lets Gulak hit him in the throat, setting up the Cyclone Crash to retain the title at 8:49.

Rating: C. They beat the heck out of each other in some short bursts here and that is one of the better ways to open things up. Lorcan is always good for a spot like this and I dug Gulak’s singles run. It wasn’t an epic showdown or anything but it got the show off on a nice enough foot, which is the point of this division.

Kickoff Show: Buddy Murphy vs. Apollo Crews

This is during the time when Murphy could barely get on television and was still the Best Kept Secret. A quick knee gets two on Crews and Murphy stomps away in the corner. The chinlock doesn’t last long and they get up for an exchange of crossbodies. It’s Crews up first with a kick to the head and a jumping clothesline. The Angle Slam is escaped but Crews hits a Samoan drop into a standing moonsault for two.

Crews gets caught in the corner though and a running powerbomb gives Murphy his own two. Murphy hits another knee but Crews reverses Murphy’s Law into a cradle for another near fall. A backdrop sends Murphy to the floor, where he sends Crews into the steps. The big no hands flip dive drops Crews again….and here’s Erick Rowan to jump Murphy for the DQ (part of the Who Attacked Roman Reigns story) at 4:39.

Rating: C. It was an action packed match but they didn’t have much time before they got to the storyline ending. This is another case where it’s amazing how fast this stuff goes in one side of my head and out the other as I barely remember any of this aside from Murphy being taken out of the story so fast. I could have gone with more from these two, but it wasn’t going to matter with the big story going on.

Post match Rowan destroys Murphy even more, including a powerbomb against the post.

Here’s Elias for a song about Toronto. They think they are the center of the universe but they can’t win the Stanley Cup and no one goes to the Blue Jays game. Oh and the Toronto Raptors’ best player left town….and here’s Edge to interrupt. Edge gets the big hometown pop and then hits a very surprising spear, marking Edge’s first physical contact in over eight years. Then he never did anything physical again ever. Apparently he was medically cleared here but WWE was waiting on the big moment at the Rumble. Fair enough.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Tag Team Titles: Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. IIconics

Bliss and Cross are defending after winning the titles earlier in the week on Raw. Bliss has the Buzz Lightyear gear on and that’s a rather good choice. Kay on the other hand is Maleficent, sending Graves into a rant about how this isn’t Disney. Graves talks about the IIconics being locked in a hotel and laying in bed together for 24 hours to meld their energies but since Jerry Lawler isn’t on commentary, no one bites. Kay and Bliss trade headlocks to start until Bliss threatens her with the laser on her arm. That sends Graves through the roof again, to the point where he threatens to turn in his Bliss fan card.

It’s off to Cross as the Toy Story references come in fast. Peyton rolls Cross up for two but a blind tag lets Kay come back in to get in a cheap shot. A double kick to the back keeps Cross down and we hit the chinlock. Kay gets two off a gutwrench suplex but Cross faceplants Peyton and the hot tag brings in Bliss to clean house. Corey: “I was expecting Moana to come save the day.” Everything breaks down and Peyton hits something like a Widow’s Peak for two on Bliss. The kickout sends her into hysterics so Bliss punches Peyton down and nails Twisted Bliss to retain at 6:11.

Rating: D+. These titles continue to mean a grand total of nothing and are little more than a way to get the IIconics out there to annoy the fans while Bliss works on her cosplay skills. There isn’t enough of a division to hold them up at the moment and it becomes more and more obvious every time they’re defended. As in probably every month and a half or so.

The opening video talks about how we have arrived. You don’t get chances like these very often, so when you do, seize the moment. Tonight, we are Summerslam.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Natalya in a submission match for the Raw Women’s Title. Natalya won a four way to get the title shot in her home country, because WWE still thinks that Natalya makes for an interesting challenger.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging in a submission match. The fans certainly seem to like both of them, though that might be due to Natalya coming out carrying a Canadian flag. They stare each other down and trade slaps to start so Becky drives her into the corner. That earns her a discus lariat but Becky is right back up to slug away again. The Bexploder sends Natalya down but the cross armbreaker is blocked. Becky grabs a triangle instead so Natalya tries a powerbomb.

That doesn’t break it up so Natalya lifts her up, only to get hurricanranaed down. Becky cranks on the legs near the apron and they fall to the floor with Natalya sending her into the barricade. Back in and Natalya suplexes her into the ropes to bang up the knee. The fans are behind Becky as she fires off knees but Natalya wraps the knee across the rope. The Sharpshooter goes on in the corner, which doesn’t seem like it would be as effective since there is almost no torque on Becky’s back and therefore the knees.

That’s broken up in a hurry and they fall outside with Natalya being sent into the announcers’ table. Now it’s a LET’S GO BECKY/NATTIE SUCKS chant as Natalya hits a superplex back inside for a double knockdown. It’s Natalya up first but the basement dropkick is countered into Becky’s version of the Sharpshooter. Natalya crawls over to the corner and rolls Becky into it for the escape and they’re both down.

Becky misses a kick out of the corner though and Natalya grabs the Disarm-Her for a change. That’s reverses and Becky tries the Sharpshooter but Natalya reverses into one of her own in the middle of the ring. Becky crawls to the rope for the break and this time pulls Natalya into the Disarm-Her to retain at 12:24.

Rating: B-. It was a good back and forth match but more importantly, now we can stop acting like Natalya is anything more than a good hand who gets the occasional title shot. Even her home country fans weren’t caring about her because they see what she is: talented in the ring but boring everywhere else. She’s been around forever and seeing her in these spots over and over again just makes me groan most of the time. I can’t believe I’m alone in that sentiment either. Also, like Becky was losing to anyone just four months after Wrestlemania. Well except to Charlotte of course.

Trish Stratus is ready to show Charlotte that legends are better than modern wrestlers because Charlotte couldn’t walk a mile in her boots.

We recap Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler. Dolph had been set up for a match against Miz but insulted Shawn Michaels and Goldberg on the way there. This set up a match against a legend instead, with Ziggler expecting Michaels but getting Goldberg. Just keep it short.

Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler

Before the match, Ziggler says he’s the best thing that could happen to this show because he gets rid of legends. Goldberg might not even be here tonight….and there’s the music. We get the full entrance and the pyro is rather strong as usual. The bell rings and they stare each other down, with Ziggler hitting a superkick for an early one. Another superkick gets another one but Goldberg hits a heck of a spear. The Jackhammer finishes Ziggler at 1:46. That’s how it should have been and Ziggler sold that spear as well as anyone in a good while.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Ricochet for the US Title. Ricochet didn’t think much of AJ treating him like an afterthought and then beat AJ to retain the title. Then Styles beat him up and took the title in their second title match with some help from Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows. Now it’s the trilogy match.

US Title: AJ Styles vs. Ricochet

Styles is defending and has Gallows and Anderson in his corner. Ricochet is in the full body suit here, which is always a weird visual. AJ goes right for him to start but gets knocked outside, with Ricochet using Anderson and Gallows as stepping stones to grab a hurricanrana on Styles. Back in and AJ stomps him down in the corner before switching to the leg in a smart move. Some elbows to the knee have Ricochet down and the knee is bent around the middle rope.

Ricochet manages to get in a kick to the face and another one to the head out of the corner. A one legged springboard clothesline (nice touch) gets two on AJ and a jumping neckbreaker into the running shooting star is good for the same. AJ is smart enough to kick the knee out again and Ricochet is sent outside. The fans are split but the dueling chants are cut off by AJ hitting a baseball slide.

Back in and AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker gets two more but Ricochet hits another kick to the head for another two. They’re both down with Ricochet slapping the leg, which would seem to hurt it even more but it’s wrestling logic. Since AJ knows his logic as well, we hit the Calf Crusher but Ricochet slams AJ’s head into the mat and slaps on an Anaconda Vice of all things.

With that broken up, Ricochet muscles him up with a suplex for two more and can’t believe AJ kicks out. How deadly does he think his suplex is? Ricochet takes out a distracting Gallows but the delay lets AJ crotch him on top. AJ gets knocked back though and Ricochet tries something like a Whisper in the Wind, only to have AJ pull him out of the air and into the Styles Clash to retain at 12:54. That looked awesome.

Rating: B. These two work well together and that’s all you need in this situation. Let them go out there and do their thing, with Ricochet looking great and AJ getting to show why he’s as great as everyone thinks he is. This was pretty much it for Ricochet as a singles challenger though, which has been the case ever since. I’m not sure what more you could want from Ricochet (just don’t let him talk) but hey, it’s not like WWE needs new stars with insane athletic ability, experience and charisma right?

Post match Anderson and Gallows give Ricochet the Magic Killer.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Ember Moon

Moon is challenging and it’s almost weird to see old school Bayley these days. Bayley armdrags her down to start so an annoyed Moon sweeps the leg. A headlock doesn’t work for Bayley as Ember sends her into the corner for the front flip clothesline. Moon splashes her for two and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Back up and Moon misses a crossbody, allowing Bayley to hit the sliding lariat.

Bayley hangs her over the top and grabs a suplex for two more, setting up the stomping in the corner. The fans sing to Bayley, who pulls her shoulder first into the rope. Moon gets tied in the Tree of Woe for the springboard elbow and we hit the inverted Boston crab. That’s broken up and Moon nips up for a headscissors (nice) to send Bayley outside.

Back in and a super hurricanrana sets up a twisting Dominator into some knees to the face (nice as well) for the next near fall. Bayley gets in a kick to the face and goes up, but Moon pulls her into a spinning powerbomb (Moon has a lot of nice stuff). Moon goes up top but Bayley is right there to pull her down with a super Bayley to Belly for the pin at 10:03.

Rating: B-. This is a weird one as Moon had some sweet stuff in there but just got pinned almost out of nowhere in the end. I know a lot of people don’t like the new Bayley and I get that, but watching her back, you can see how much she has grown with the heel turn and the new character. At this point, she was just kind of a person with a reputation and not much else. Good enough match, but Moon wouldn’t be around much longer due to her ankle injury and Bayley would turn heel in less than a month so none of this meant anything long term.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens. Shane went on a power/ego trip that the Attitude Era would think was a bit much and Owens was sick of him. This somehow meant EVEN MORE SHANE, who probably should have been #1 contender to the Smackdown World Title at this point. Anyway, Owens is gone if Shane wins and that is a rather popular idea.

Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens

The fans chant for Owens, but hang on though as Shane heads outside and says he has a guest outside referee: his personal goon Elias. Shane drops to the floor to start and Owens yells at Elias, with Shane sliding back in to try for the countout. That doesn’t work so the chase is on until Elias trips Owens. Back in and Owens hammers away in the corner, setting up the Cannonball.

A clothesline sends Shane outside for the third time but another Elias distraction lets Shane send Owens into the barricade. Back in and the Russian legsweep gets two on Owens and we hit the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants. A DDT gets two more and let’s hit that Hart reference with the Sharpshooter attempt. That’s broken up and Owens hit the Pop Up sitout powerbomb but Elias grabs the referee.

Owens picks up a chair and Shane offers a free shot but Owens goes with a superkick instead. There’s the Swanton into a frog splash for two, with Elias pulling the referee out again. The Owens cannonball hits both referees and that means he can grab the chair. Elias breaks that up so Owens chairs him over and over, leaving Owens to go after Shane again. The referee gets up and takes the chair away, so it’s a low blow into the Stunner to finish Shane at 9:19.

Rating: D+. Yeah what else were you expecting here? That being said, it was probably an easier sit this time around without having to watch all of the build to get to this match. Shane was a nightmare around this time and thankfully would be gone on the first Smackdown on Fox. At least Owens won here as someone had to finally beat Shane, who was completely ridiculous for the better part of a year at this point.

We recap Roman Reigns being attacked by a mystery man. Samoa Joe was accused of being the attacker but Buddy Murphy said it was Erick Rowan. Therefore, we flash back to the Kickoff Show with Rowan attacking Murphy.

Charlotte vs. Trish Stratus

Charlotte is the best of today and Trish may be the best ever, dream match ensues. They stare each other down (or up in Trish’s case) before going to the lockup against the ropes. The fans sing O Canada as it’s a standoff until Trish hits a quick Thesz non-press. Charlotte is right back with a Figure Four attempt but Trish flips her away with the headscissors. That lets Trish pose and soak in the YOU STILL GOT IT chants, followed by more circling.

This time it’s Charlotte being sent outside and Trish hits a Thesz press into the right hands off the apron. The posing is on but Charlotte isn’t ready to head back inside just yet. Instead she sends Trish hard into the barricade as they’re setting things up well so far. Back in and Trish is slammed face first into the mat a few times, setting up the double arm crank with a knee between the shoulders.

Charlotte nips up and mocks Trish’s point before bending the neck around the middle rope. Trish reverses a belly to back suplex into a crossbody for two, earning herself a knee to the neck. Some trash talk in the corner bring Trish back up so she double legs Charlotte for some right hands. That just earns her a big boot to the floor as Trish can’t get anything going here. Back in and Charlotte stomps her down but, say it with me, the moonsault misses.

Trish gets in a slap and starts the chops, including a WOO for a bonus. The Stratusphere is blocked but Trish pulls herself up and starts slapping away, setting up a super hurricanrana for two with the fans getting right back into things. The Chick Kick misses as well and Charlotte boots her in the face for her own two. It’s back to the leg but the Figure Four is countered into a small package to give Trish two more.

Trish gets her own Figure Four into the Figure Eight (Corey: “THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!” You knew he was getting that in somewhere) but Charlotte escapes again. Charlotte’s spear only hits buckle and the Stratusfaction connects for two more. They go head to head from their knees and slug it out until the Chick Kick gives Trish the next near fall. Another Chick Kick is countered with the big boot and the Figure Eight makes Trish tap at 16:37.

Rating: B+. Match of the night by a long stretch and the storytelling was working hard here. Charlotte being overconfident made sense as she never believes anyone is in her league and it’s not like Trish surviving here and getting back into things is a stretch. I had more fun with this the second time around and it’s a heck of a match with Trish showing she could easily hang at this level. Her generation gets a lot of (often deserved) flack but she was that good and deserves all kinds of praise for being an actual trailblazer.

Post match Charlotte leaves and Trish gets the big hero’s moment with the posing.

Bret Hart wishes Seth Rollins luck.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton. They brought up the infamous Madison Square Garden moment, which Orton claims for driving Kofi to where he is now. However, that wasn’t enough to make him better than Orton and now Orton wants the title. He even takes credit for the Wrestlemania moment and now Kofi is ready to prove that he got himself here.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Kofi is defending on his own and his kids are in the front row (cue your Scooby Roo ruh roh sound effect). Orton taunts him with a pancake to start so a fired up Kofi drives him into the corner to start. That gives us dueling KOFI’S STUPID/RANDY SUCKS chants and Kofi runs the corner for a spinning shot to the head to….oddly quiet the fans down. Weird Canadians. Kofi hammers away in the corner until a poke to the eye cuts him off again. A big shove sends Kofi off the top and down into the barricade for your first big crash.

Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table and the dueling chants are back. Back in and Orton bends Kofi’s back around the middle rope, followed by an uppercut to the floor. Kofi jumps over the steps though and hits a shot to the head. The crossbody off the apron misses though and Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table again. Back in again and Orton seems to approve of the dueling chants. The superplex is broken up though and Kofi hits a top rope DDT for two.

The chops have Orton rocked but he comes back with the backbreaker for two more. Kofi backdrops his way out of the hanging DDT though and mostly nails the Trust Fall. Back in and Orton catches him on the apron with the hanging DDT. The RKO is countered though and Kofi goes up, only to dive right into the RKO. For some reason Orton doesn’t cover though and Kofi rolls outside. Orton follows and yells at Kofi’s kids, which sends Kofi into a frenzy for….I guess a very fast double countout at 16:28.

Rating: C+. They were working well together and Kofi was starting to make Orton sweat at the end, but then they did the ending that was designed to do nothing more than set up a rematch at Clash Of Champions. That’s such a big problem with WWE today. Outside of Wrestlemania, everything is built around the idea of setting up a match at whatever show, leaving this show to feel unimportant. You’re already at Summerslam. How much of a bigger stage can you have for the rematch?

Post match the fans call BULLS*** and don’t seem interested as Kofi unloads with a kendo stick. Trouble In Paradise gets even less of a reaction.

We recap the Fiend vs. Finn Balor. Bray Wyatt had returned just after Wrestlemania with the Firefly Fun House, where he eventually started hinting at some kind of monster called the Fiend. Finn Balor became his first target and Balor said bring it on. The Fiend has attacked a few times before but this is his in-ring debut.

Finn Balor vs. The Fiend

Balor is all in white for the hero’s entrance but Fiend blows him away, with the debut of the severed head lantern and the upgraded theme music. Balor looks rightfully terrified and we’re ready to go. They even have the full lights on instead of going red for a nice relief. Fiend headbutts him down to start and wildly stomps away as the YOWIE WOWIE chants start up.

Balor manages a whip into the corner but Fiend leans back to scare him off. A clothesline to the back of the head sets up a release Rock Bottom and Fiend glares at him a lot. Sister Abigail is countered and Balor hits a Sling Blade into the jumping double stomp to the chest. The shotgun dropkick sets up the Coup de Grace but Fiend moves and grabs the mandible claw for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade as the match itself was far from the point. They were going with the idea of introducing the Fiend and making him out to be the new scary monster. That was accomplished in spades as Balor was completely destroyed and wound up heading back to NXT. Good stuff here, even if the match was barely anything to see.

Post match the lights go out again and Fiend appears on the stage. Balor’s eyes bug out as he isn’t sure what happened to him.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar. Seth beat him for the Universal Title at Wrestlemania but Brock cashed in Money in the Bank at Extreme Rules. Therefore, a now injured Seth, has to do it all over again. So yes, that’s really their best idea for the main event of Summerslam: just do Wrestlemania again.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is challenging and has injured ribs. After the Big Match Intros, Brock hits him in the ribs and drives shoulders in the corner. More shoulders have Paul Heyman rather pleased but Rollins flips out of a German suplex and hits a quick Stomp for two. The fans are properly woken up now and Brock bails to the floor, with Rollins hitting a running knee off the apron.

Back in and a pair of superkicks look to set up the Stomp but Rollins counters into the F5. Lesnar can’t follow up so he throws Rollins around by the rib tape. It’s time for the German suplexes to send Rollins outside, with Lesnar adding another suplex on the floor. Rollins slips out of an F5 though and posts Lesnar a few times, setting up the springboard knee to the head.

Lesnar is right back up with another German suplex though and they’re both down again. The dueling chants start again and Brock takes off the gloves. We hit the waistlock to stay on the ribs for a bit until Brock’s charge hits the post. Seth hits two suicide dives but the third one is countered with a hard ram into the post for another double knockdown.

The announcers’ table is loaded up but Seth superkicks Brock onto it instead, setting up the super frog splash from the top of the post. Another frog splash connects back inside and the Stomp gets two. The next Stomp is countered into a failed F5 attempt so Rollins superkicks him into another Stomp for the pin and the title at 13:21.

Rating: B. And then Lesnar went away forever, never to go after the World Title again. Or he won it again in about two and a half months because that’s what always happens. Anyway, this was another solid match between the two of them and it was a lot more engaging because it actually got some time. Lesnar’s spamming finishers matches get old in a hurry because he does them so often. Mix it up a bit with something like this between some talented people and it makes that big of a difference. It doesn’t have the impact because we saw it four months earlier, but at least it was good.

The celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. This is a pretty strong show with nothing terribly bad (Shane’s match is the weakest and even that involves seeing him get beaten up) and some solid performances in the big matches. It’s also a pretty short show with the main card clocking in at less than three and a half hours. They didn’t stretch this out further than they needed to and it felt like a big show. Good stuff here and worth a look if you have the time.

Ratings Comparison

Drew Gulak vs. Oney Lorcan

Original: C+

Redo: C

Apollo Crews vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C-

Redo: C

IIconics vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

Original: B

Redo: B-

Goldberg vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Ricochet

Original: B

Redo: B

Ember Moon vs. Bayley

Original: D+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B+

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

Original: B-

Redo: C+

The Fiend vs. Finn Balor

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: B-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B

Oh come on it was better than that.

Here is the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/11/summerslam-2019-the-summertime-purples/

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