Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Elimination Chamber 2022
Date: February 19, 2022
Location: Jeddah Super Dome, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’re back on the other side of the world this time and the card is pretty stacked. There are two Elimination Chamber matches to go with three women’s matches as we get ready for Wrestlemania. That could go in more than one direction and the show seems a bit more interesting as a result. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Dominik Mysterio is here with Rey. Miz knocks him down to start and hits the early posing on the ropes. Back up and Rey headscissors him into 619 position but Miz isn’t quite ready for that. Instead Rey knocks him to the floor for the sliding splash, setting off a 619 chant. Dominik sends Miz back inside (twerp) but he breaks up something from Rey on the top. They head outside again with Miz sending him into the barricade, setting up the running kick to the face back inside.

The chinlock sets up the YES Kicks but, as usual, the big one misses. Another headscissors sends Miz into the post and there’s the top rope seated senton to drop him again. Miz is back with a DDT for two but the Skull Crushing Finale is broken up. The 619 connects so Miz has to roll outside before the top rope splash can launch.

Miz grabs a chair, earning himself a dive from Rey. Dominik grabs the chair and takes it away, so Miz fakes being shoved into the steps. That’s enough for an ejection of Dominik, but Rey counters the 619 into a cradle for the pin at 9:15, proving that Dominik is in fact worthless and a detriment.

Rating: C+. These two work well together and putting Rey out there is a good way to open any show. The fans are going to respond to him and the high flying/fast paced stuff is still more than entertaining enough to watch. Odds are this sets up Dominik beating Miz as well, because Dominik will be a thing whether you like him or not.

Post match Miz goes after Rey, which draws Dominik back in for the save. A double 619 sets up back to back frog splashes to leave Miz laying.

The opening video looks at how the Elimination Chamber is here, which sets us on the Road to WrestleMania. The rest of the matches get a look as well.

We recap Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns for Reigns’ Universal Title. Reigns is on the way to Wrestlemania and Brock Lesnar but he has to stop for a match against Goldberg, who just said he was getting a title match.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns vs. Goldberg

Reigns, with the rest of the Bloodline, is defending. They stare at each other for a good while and the GOLDBERG chants are on. The big power lockup goes to Goldberg but Reigns starts punching him in the face. Goldberg is sent outside but he sends Reigns into the barricade for a breather. Back in and the spear cuts Reigns down but the Jackhammer is countered into a release Rock Bottom. The Superman Punch drops Goldberg again but Reigns’ spear is countered by Goldberg’s spear. The Jackhammer doesn’t work though as Reigns reverses into the guillotine and Goldberg is out at 5:59.

Rating: C. Happy days are here again as they can’t threaten us with this stupid match anymore. It wasn’t exactly good but it was short, which is the most important aspect of any Goldberg match. I know it would have been insane to change the title here, but it isn’t like they haven’t done something nutty with Goldberg before. This could have been far worse, which is about the benchmark for most Goldberg matches these days.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

Rhea Ripley vs. Doudrop vs. Bianca Belair vs. Liv Morgan vs. Nikki Ash vs. Alexa Bliss

For the Raw Women’s Title shot at Wrestlemania. Nikki and Liv start, leaving Alexa in her pod, complete with swing (because of course). Liv gets sent into the cage, the Plexiglas and the cage floor until Doudrop is in after about two minutes. Doudrop comes in at #3 and drives Nikki into the cage over and over before cutting off Liv for trying to break it up. A missed charge sends Doudrop into the post though and Nikki is left alone in the ring as Rhea Ripley is in at #4.

The stalking is on but Ripley has to superkick Doudrop. Ripley sends Nikki into the cage and climbs the cage to pose a bit, setting up Riptide to get rid of Nikki at 6:18. Alexa Bliss is in at #5 and gets to clean house, including Insult To Injury for two on Morgan. Back up and Morgan knocks Bliss down and goes up but Doudrop shoves her off the ropes (with Morgan’s leg getting caught) for a crash. Ripley offers a distraction though and Morgan hits a sunset bomb to get rid of Doudrop at 8:51.

Bianca Belair is in at #6 to complete the field as Morgan might have hurt her knee when she got caught on the ropes. Belair hits a scary one armed gorilla press on Morgan and a handspring moonsault hits Bliss. We get the Ripley vs. Belair showdown but they stop to suplex Bliss and Belair instead (with Bliss’ dress falling onto Ripley’s face while she’s upside down). The staredown is on again and they trade some hard slaps to the face. The KOD is broken up but Morgan hits a double Codebreaker.

Bliss is back up with what looked like a running Blockbuster to Morgan, setting up Twisted Bliss for the elimination at 12:08. Bliss hits Ripley with a DDT and the KOD gives Belair the pin at 12:41, leaving us with Bliss vs. Belair. A Code Red gives Bliss two but Belair powers her down. The 450 misses but Bliss can’t hit her DDT. Instead Belair powers her up for a suplex, which is broken up as well. Another DDT is blocked so Bliss rolls her up for two. Belair has had it though and hits the KOD for the pin and the title shot at 15:35.

Rating: C+. The time was all over the place here and I believe this is the shortest Elimination Chamber match ever. The good thing is that they didn’t go nuts by having Bliss win in her return to push her straight to Wrestlemania. As much as I wanted Ripley to win, Belair has unfinished business with Becky Lynch so that is probably the right way to go.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

WWE met with some Special Olympians this weekend.

Naomi/Ronda Rousey vs. Sonya Deville/Charlotte

Deville has a bad arm coming in and as a result, Rousey has to have an arm tied behind her back. Rousey comes to the ring in her judo gear for a different look. We get a video on Rousey before we’re ready to go. Deville and Rousey start things off and believe it or not, Deville’s arm is suddenly fine. Charlotte offers a distraction so Deville can jump Rousey in the corner.

A kick to the head rocks Deville though and a knee to the head does it again. Rousey wants Charlotte, who is fine enough to come in, only to tag right back out. Naomi comes in to jump Sonya but gets sent hard into the corner. A clothesline is avoided with a slide though and it’s back to Rousey, who tries the armbar on Sonya. That’s broken up with a kick to the face though and Charlotte gets to chop away in the corner.

The double teaming continues, with Charlotte kicking Naomi off the apron. A hammerlock goes onto Ronda’s good arm but she manages to knock Charlotte down and bring Naomi back in. The springboard kick to the face rocks Charlotte but Rousey is knocked outside. Back up and the hot tag brings in Rousey, setting up Piper’s Pit to Deville. Charlotte is fine enough to look on as Deville taps to the armbar at 9:12.

Rating: C. It went a bit longer than it needed to but they did what they needed to do. There was no reason to have Charlotte and Rousey do anything important here and they didn’t waste time. Rousey gets to look like a force and Deville will be fine after a quick promo where she abuses her power again. It might not have been great, but it did its job.

We recap Madcap Moss vs. Drew McIntyre. Moss and Happy Corbin injured McIntyre’s neck and put him out for about a month so it’s time for revenge in a Falls Count Anywhere match.

Drew McIntyre vs. Madcap Moss

Falls Count Anywhere and Happy Corbin is here with Moss. Corbin helps jump McIntyre to start and the fight heads outside. Another shot from Corbin wakes McIntyre up so the chase is on, with Corbin bailing to the back. Moss tries to jump the distracted McIntyre but he gets kicked in the face instead. Corbin runs back out to keep Moss from being thrown off the stage and it’s a double suplex to drop McIntyre.

Back in and McIntyre fights back, setting up the reverse Alabama Slam, with Moss landing HARD on top of his head in a terrifying crash. Corbin offers a distraction but Moss charges into a belly to belly on the floor. McIntyre tells commentary to move so he can suplex Moss over the announcers’ table. Corbin is back up to send McIntyre through the barricade for two but McIntyre is fine enough to hit a superplex for his own near fall back inside. The Futureshock sets up the Claymore (with McIntyre holding Angela the sword) for the pin at 9:11.

Rating: C-. What else were you expecting here? McIntyre wasn’t going to break a hard sweat against Moss and this was little more than an extended workout. I’m sure we’ll get McIntyre vs. Corbin at Wrestlemania and it won’t be much better because it’s just finishing this story off. I know WWE thinks it’s a big enough deal but who could possibly be interested in this show?

We recap the Kickoff Show match with Rey Mysterio beating Miz, followed by Dominik beating up Miz for a bonus.

Miz is furious and promises to get a partner to help deal with the Mysterios. He is off for a phone call.

WWE Superstars had fun in Jeddah, because it’s different here.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Lita

Lita is challenging and shoulders Becky down to start, earning a YOU STILL GOT IT chant. The Twist of Fame is broken up and Becky snaps the back of Lita’s neck across the top. The stomping is on before Becky kicks away at the ribs. Becky’s middle rope Fameasser brings Lita out of the ropes for two and the Bexploder gets the same. Another Bexploder is countered into a DDT for two and the comeback is on. Lita hits a middle rope crossbody for two and they go to a pinfall reversal sequence.

Lynch gets caught grabbing the rope so Lita pulls her into a sleeper, which Lynch needs the rope to escape. A powerbomb out of the corner gives Lita two and she busts out a Trish Stratus Stratusfaction. A snapmare driver gives Lita two but Becky is back with the Disarm-Her. That’s blocked as well, so Becky hits the Manhandle Slam for two, with Lita getting a food on the rope. Lynch misses a moonsault so Lita hits a Twist of Fate into the Litasault for her own near fall. Back up and Lynch hits a quick Manhandle Slam to retain at 12:14.

Rating: C+. Considering Lita has barely wrestled in years, this was a pretty entertaining match. Lynch wasn’t about to drop the title but they gave Lita a lot here, as they should have. I do like bringing in these legends to face the champions on occasion, as it is a good way to bridge the gap between the major title defenses. Sometimes it’s ok to have a quick story without the drama and that is what they did here.

Post match Becky leaves and Lita gets a bit of a sendoff.

Undertaker is in the Hall of Fame and we get the same long form video from this week’s Smackdown.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Viking Raiders

The Usos are defending…..at some point in the future as they jump the Raiders on the floor and lay them out. No match.

Video on Seth Rollins.

We recap the men’s Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title. Bobby Lashley beat Brock Lesnar to take the title at the Royal Rumble so Lesnar wanted a rematch. This is as good as he can get, which seems to suit him just fine.

WWE Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Riddle vs. Seth Rollins vs. Austin Theory vs. AJ Styles

Lashley is defending and it’s Seth Rollins starting with Austin Theory. During Lesnar’s entrance, Cole used the line “playing with the house’s money” for the third time tonight. Rollins hits a Sling Blade to start but Theory is back with a release fisherman’s suplex. Some superkicks put Theory down and it’s a Buckle Bomb into Lashley’s pod to leave Lashley and Riddle laying.

Riddle is in at #3 and beats on Riddle as Lashley is helped out of the Chamber. Rollins catches Riddle on top for a reverse superplex and there’s a frog splash to give Rollins two. AJ Styles is in at #4 and powerbombs Rollins down for a fast two. A double superplex is loaded up but Theory makes the save and powerbombs Rollins and Styles down. It’s supposed to be Lashley in next but since he isn’t here, Lesnar kicks his pod open and starts wrecking people. The F5 finishes Rollins at 9:48 and another F5 finishes Riddle at 10:13.

At the same time, we are told that Lashley will not be back, meaning that there will be a new champion tonight. Another F5 gets rid of Styles at 10:57 and it’s Lesnar vs. Theory for the title. Theory tries to hide in a pod but Lesnar breaks it open and suplexes Theory onto the cage. Theory gets in a low blow and a rolling dropkick, setting up a DDT for two.

Lesnar glares at him so Theory climbs the Chamber and manages to get halfway out of the top before Lesnar pulls him back down. Lesnar slams him head first into the Plexiglas on top of the pod and then F5s him down onto the Chamber floor. That’s enough for Lesnar to win the title at 14:52.

Rating: C. It was short and to the point, which believe it or not was Lesnar gets another World Title, because he hasn’t had one in all of a few weeks now. I’m curious to see how Lashley is tied into the whole thing as he has a case to get another title shot, though it wouldn’t surprise me to see it ignored so we can do Reigns vs. Lesnar. Again. For both titles. Since no one else in WWE matters. Again.

Lesnar poses for a long time to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It was better than most of the Saudi shows but it was about as ho hum of a card as you could have had. There were some good enough matches, but the focus was on setting up Brock Lesnar, Becky Lynch, Roman Reigns and Charlotte for Wrestlemania as WWE continues to rely on the same people over and over. There wasn’t a bad match on the show, though the booking continues to not exactly be the most exciting thing in the world. I’ll take it over the Crown Jewel and Super Showdown shows though so at least it’s a step up.

Results
Roman Reigns b. Goldberg – Guillotine choke
Bianca Belair won the women’s Elimination Chamber match last eliminating Alexa Bliss
Ronda Rousey/Naomi b. Sonya Deville/Charlotte – Armbar to Deville
Drew McIntyre b. Madcap Moss – Claymore
Becky Lynch b. Lita – Manhandle Slam
Brock Lesnar won the men’s Elimination Chamber last eliminating Austin Theory

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

It’s time to head back halfway around the world as WWE is returning to Saudi Arabia. This time is a little different though, as the show will feature the Elimination Chamber rather than some generically titles event. The card could look a lot worse as there are three women’s matches and two Elimination Chamber matches, including one match where those two categories cross over. Let’s get to it.

Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

We’ll start with the match voted Most Likely To Be Demoted To The Kickoff Show as these two are fighting over Miz’s treatment of Dominik Mysterio. Yeah that’s a pretty lame reason to have the match but that has never stopped WWE from setting something up. This feels like a feud that has some legs to it and hopefully that could be a good thing, though it kind of hinges on the first match.

I’ll take Miz to win here, as it should give you a reason to get to Miz vs. Dominik. That might not be the most interesting match but it is something that we have to do at some point. WWE seems intent on getting Dominik over and that means they need to do something like have Miz beat Dominik’s dad to set it up. Miz goes over here, as it means someone needs to take him out later.

Madcap Moss vs. Drew McIntyre

This is the continuation of this feud for reasons that I don’t want to know, but odds are it leads to a showdown with Happy Corbin at WrestleMania. I have no idea how that is the best thing WWE can come up with for McIntyre, but what else could it be setting up? This is Falls Count Anywhere as a way for McIntyre to have some more fun, but I don’t know if that changes the result.

I’m going to go with what makes sense here and say McIntyre wins here, though I’m almost scared of the idea of Corbin cheating to help Moss win. McIntyre should be ready for something huge after WrestleMania but we have to get through Corbin and Moss first. That right there kind of sums up one of WWE’s biggest issues: there might be something good down the line, but you have to get through WWE’s lame idea first.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Goldberg

You know what’s annoying about this match? I mean in addition to the fact that it is happening? WWE just might be crazy enough to put the title on Goldberg for some sort of conquering hero deal, as they have been nuttier than that before. As much as I’d like to believe that reigns slays Goldberg here to FINALLY let them get this match out of their system, I can’t help but think there is a chance they do otherwise.

That being said, I’ll still take Reigns here, at least partially for the sake of my own sanity. There is no logical reason for Goldberg to take the title from Reigns and then drop it back a few weeks later, but stranger things have happened. For now though, I’ll go with Reigns to win here and set up his match with Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, because that is just what everyone wanted from Reigns: back to back showdowns with Goldberg and Lesnar.

Women’s Elimination Chamber

These matches are almost always a mix of dumb luck and eliminating some of the least likely candidates. This time around, you can write off Liv Morgan, Nikki Ash and Doudrop, as they aren’t challenging for anything at WrestleMania. That leaves Rhea Ripley, Alexa Bliss and Bianca Belair as potential winners and that means we have three viable options for this one.

I think I’ll actually take Ripley, who would be a fresh and interesting match with Lynch (and who might actually have a chance since she isn’t facing Charlotte). Belair is also an option due to needing revenge after the Summerslam title change, but I think that ship might have already sailed. Bliss could be in there as well, but this return screams some kind of screwy finish involving that dumb doll. Ripley wins here, in what is likely my false hope pick of the show.

SmackDown Tag Team Titles: Usos(c) vs. Viking Raiders

This would be your tag defense of the month for the Usos as they face one of the only other regular and successful teams on SmackDown. They have even pulled out all the stops by having the teams trade singles wins on SmackDown. That should be more than enough to set this up (at least in the modern WWE style) so maybe we can get something out of the pure talent involved.

In what should be the least dramatic match of the night, I’ll take the Usos to retain here. There is no reason to suggest that the Vikings are going to be able to defeat the best team in WWE today (and one of the best ever) so I’m not sure what kind of suspense this one is going to have. The good thing is that the match itself should be good with the speed vs. the power, but there is almost no chance of a title change here.

Ronda Rousey/Naomi vs. Charlotte/Sonya Deville

There is nothing wrong with a match that combines two feuds into one and they have done a nice enough job of it here. The twist this time is that Rousey’s arm will be tied behind her back because she ran her mouth a few weeks ago about how easy it should be to beat Deville. That should be enough of a way to let Charlotte get in some cheap shots as she and Rousey head on to WrestleMania, which is the main point of this match.

I’ll go with Rousey/Naomi winning as Naomi pins Deville. You don’t want the champ or the challenger taking a fall and since Naomi has already gotten the better of Deville, there is no reason to go back and mess with things again. Naomi could use another win to keep up her momentum and Rousey/Charlotte can be on their own while Naomi gets another pin on Deville.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch(c) vs. Lita

I’m not sure if this is supposed to be some big time competitive match where Lita is seen as a real threat or a “wouldn’t it be cool if” come to life. Lynch has been the champion for the better part of ever and there are very few people that I buy as having a chance to take the title. Lita isn’t exactly one of those people, but the cool thing is that she should be able to have some kind of a great match under any circumstances.

In case it isn’t that clear of a choice, I’m going with Lynch to retain before she finally drops the title in a pretty big match at WrestleMania. This is probably it for Lita (for now) as she is usually best in small doses. The match should work out well due to both of the women being very good at what they do, but I can’t bring myself to believe that Lita is potentially winning the title here.

WWE Title: Men’s Elimination Chamber

This one has some higher stakes and that is a nice thing to see. It also has a few potential ways to go, as there are more than a few options here. Again, we’ll eliminate those with no chance first. Riddle, Austin Theory and AJ Styles (I think) have no chance so we’ll write them off already. That leaves us with the defending champion Bobby Lashley, Seth Rollins and Brock Lesnar, meaning you have at least two viable options and one kind of longshot.

I’m really not sure where to go here as I don’t want Lesnar getting the title back but I also don’t know if I can picture him losing. I’ll go with some sort of shenanigans leading to Lashley retaining, which could range from Roman Reigns interfering (perhaps after Lesnar did the same to him to make up for the Royal Rumble) to MVP cheating to a bunch of people going after Lesnar at once. I’m probably wrong, but I’d like to see Lashley get another good run with the title. That being said, I can’t shake the idea of Rollins winning either. We’ll go with Lashley just to pick one of the three.

Overall Thoughts

There is the potential for a good show on this card, despite there being more than a few matches without that much drama. Since WWE has decided this is the way their calendar works, this is going to be the last stop on the Road to WrestleMania, meaning that it is time to get things going as well as possible. I’m hoping this show can pull that off, but you never know with this company anymore. The Chambers should work, but as usual, it is all going to depend on which direction they take.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: February 18, 2022
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole

We’re taped this week as the roster is in Saudi Arabia for this weekend’s Elimination Chamber. That can make for some interesting shows as the crowd might have to be brought into things a bit more. It’s also the go home show for Elimination Chamber, meaning we are probably in for a lot of hype. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Adam Pearce is in the ring for a contract signing for Charlotte/Sonya Deville vs. Ronda Rousey/Naomi. Everyone comes to the ring and Sonya says she knows how to do this. They immediately start arguing and yelling over each other, because that’s how women interact in WWE. Sonya and Charlotte both sign but Naomi threatens to turn the table over if they don’t stop stalling.

Hold on though because Sonya has a stipulation. A few days ago, Rousey said that she could beat Sonya with one arm tied behind her back, so that’s what she is going to have to do. Ronda is down with that and signs, as does Naomi, and the fight is on. Charlotte has a contract thrown at her and Sonya getting kicked in the head, sending them running off. They kept this short and that might be a good thing.

Sheamus isn’t happy with Ridge Holland losing to Ricochet and wonders if Holland is getting any of this. Tonight, Sheamus will lead by example.

Sheamus vs. Ricochet

Ridge Holland is here with Sheamus. Ricochet starts fast and strikes away before sending Sheamus outside. That means a running flip dive through the ropes but Sheamus is back with a knee choke in the corner. A suplex drops Ricochet and we hit the chinlock. Ricochet fights up and takes it to the floor, only to be fall away slammed over the announcers’ table.

We take a break and come back with Sheamus pounding away until Ricochet manages a tornado DDT. The standing shooting star press sets up a non-running Lionsault for two and Ricochet is getting frustrated. Sheamus grabs an Alabama Slam and goes up top, only to get caught with a super Spanish Fly for a close two. Holland tries a distraction but Ricochet is waiting on him, meaning Sheamus’ surprise Brogue Kick misses. The Recoil gives Ricochet the pin at 10:54.

Rating: B-. That is almost a relief to see as Ricochet gets a win without any major shenanigans. This felt like it actually meant something and that is a lot more than I would have expected. I have no reason to believe that this is Ricochet turning the corner, but at least he won a single match and that is great to see.

Post match Sheamus yells at Holland and shoves him down.

We look back at Rick Boogs “accidentally” getting electrocuted last week on InZayn.

Sami Zayn takes no responsibility for what happened to Boogs last week. Zayn talks about what has happened to him over the last year as we recap the entire conspiracy. Tonight, he makes up for it by getting the Intercontinental Title back.

The Undertaker is going into the Hall of Fame. Well that was expected.

Long Undertaker Hall of Fame video, set to Sad But True by Metallica and American Bad*** by Kid Rock. This of course features all kinds of classic clips and almost every major star talking about what a legend Undertaker is.

Long video on Roman Reigns vs. Goldberg for Reigns’ Universal Title at Elimination Chamber.

Jey Uso vs. Ivar

Jimmy Uso and Erik are here too. Ivar goes with the power to put Jey up against the ropes to start but a superkick cuts that off. The chinlock goes on but Ivar fights up without much effort. The Bronco Buster in the corner sets up a top rope splash to crush Jey, which draws in Jimmy for the DQ at 2:37.

Post match the Raiders clear the ring and get their headgear back.

We look back at Drew McIntyre telling Madcap Moss that their Elimination Chamber match will be falls count anywhere. Moss looks scared, which is usually the case when a big sword is involved.

Here is Drew McIntyre for a chat. He talks about how he used to live near New Orleans and found out that the only people who can drink with the Scots are people from around here. McIntyre has spent a lot of great time around here, but now he is getting ready to go face Madcap Moss in Saudi Arabia.

Since the match is anything goes, McIntyre can do anything from hitting him in the face, sending him into electrical equipment or drowning him in the Red Sea. McIntyre even asks fans to send him ideas on what to do to Moss because he has a 20 hour flight. Cue Moss and Happy Corbin, with Moss promising to laugh all the way home. They make fun of McIntyre’s neck but he promises to make the laughter die at Elimination Chamber. That hashtag idea is smart, as it’s always a good idea to engage the audience in some way.

Shinsuke Nakamura wants to kick Sami Zayn in the face.

Intercontinental Title: Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is defending and they take turns driving each other into the corner to start. Sami gets in a shot to the ribs but Nakamura fights back with kicks and knees. Another knee has Zayn down but the knee from the apron only hits floor to put Nakamura in trouble. We take a break and come back with Zayn grabbing a chinlock. Nakamura fights up so Zayn mocks the NAKAMURA chants and hits a clothesline for two.

Another chinlock doesn’t work either, as Nakamura gets out and hits the sliding German suplex for two of his own. Sami is right back with a Michinoku Driver (which dropped Nakamura on his head) for two more and they head outside. Nakamura kicks a diving Sami out of the air but his running knee hits the steps.

We take another break and come back again with Zayn working on the leg. Nakamura fights back but gets his leg kicked out again, setting up the Blue Thunder Bomb to give Zayn two more. Zayn pounds away in the corner and mocks Nakamura’s COME ON but the kick in the corner is blocks. That means Nakamura can kick him in the head and again against the ropes (in a callback to their classic Takeover Dallas match). Kinshasa is loaded up so Sami rolls outside to avoid being kneed in the face. Sami trips him down and rams the leg into the post, setting up a hard kick to the knee for the pin and the title at 18:12.

Rating: B. This was a long match with Zayn getting smart by taking away Nakamura’s greatest weapon. That made for a good story throughout as Nakamura couldn’t strike away at Zayn, who hung in there long enough to beat him. They had to change the title here as Nakamura had held the thing for six months without doing much of anything with it. Zayn has his conspiracy theory deal and this is as good of a payoff as there was for the whole thing.

Booker T. met with some children at a community center in Dallas as part of Black History Month.

Aliyah is very proud of Ricochet for being Sheamus. Ricochet is so excited by his win that he almost sounds like a human being. With Ricochet gone, Sami Zayn comes in to brag about his own big win.

Video on the men’s Elimination Chamber match.

Here are Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman for the big final showdown with Goldberg. Reigns tells New Orleans to acknowledge him and tells Heyman to celebrate him. Heyman says this is the best part of his day because standing next to greatness is spiritually orgasmic. He talks about how you might not have gotten to see some greatness in person, including Drew Brees….who meant nothing because he played for the New Orleans Saints.

That means a WHO DAT (Saints chant) chant, which doesn’t please Heyman that much. Heyman: “The eleventh commandment on the Island of Relevancy: thou shalt not interrupt the Wise Man’s promo.” Heyman promises Reigns will keep the title tomorrow but here is Goldberg to interrupt. Goldberg picks up a mic and then drops it, leaving Reigns to say he was going to give Goldberg one last chance to acknowledge him. That doesn’t seem likely as Goldberg gets in Reigns’ face and says Reigns isn’t next. When it comes to the Universal Title, Goldberg is next. Staring ends the show. Whatever gets Goldberg out of here the fastest.

Overall Rating: C+. You had two matches of note and both of them were quite good, but the st of the show was lacking to say the least. Now in this case, that is a lot more acceptable for two reasons. Not only was this the go home show with the final push towards Elimination Chamber, but it was also the second two hour show in front of this same crowd. What we got was good, but you could tell they were clipping a lot of corners to keep the crowd from getting totally burned out.

Results
Ricochet b. Sheamus – Recoil
Ivar b. Jey Uso via DQ when Jimmy Uso interfered
Sami Zayn b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Kick to the knee

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: February 11, 2022
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole

We have less than ten days before Elimination Chamber and the only big thing on the Smackdown side is Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns. That might not sound too appealing, but that’s what the people paying for Elimination Chamber want to see. Other than that, we have the fallout from Ronda Rousey destroying Sonya Deville and choosing to face Charlotte at Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Here is Smackdown if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Ronda Rousey picking Charlotte for Wrestlemania and also taking out Sonya Deville for a bonus.

Here is Sonya Deville, with her arm in a sling, to say she is tired of people disrespecting her. There will be consequences for the actions of people like Ronda Rousey and Naomi. Therefore, she has requested that Rousey be fined $100,000 and suspended indefinitely. Cue Adam Pearce to say Vince McMahon has responded to her request via email.

Said email says that Vince doesn’t like someone abusing their authority, so not only is the request denied, but if Sonya gets involved in Naomi vs. Charlotte, her job will be….IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY. Cue Naomi to say that Sonya can’t touch her, but Naomi can do this. A loud slap drops Sonya, who is not happy.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

We look back at Kofi Kingston/Big E. taking out Los Lotharios in a pretty good match last week.

Big E./Kofi Kingston vs. Los Lotharios

After a quick chat in the back about how great Los Lotharios are and the Los Lotharios Kiss Cam, we’re ready to go. Big E. cranks on a headlock to Angel before Kofi comes in with a splash for two. It’s off to Angel, who takes Kofi into the corner for some crossface shots to the jaw. Humberto adds some forearms to the back but Kingston sweeps his leg out. That’s enough to set up Big E.’s apron splash and there’s the big dive to take Los Lotharios out at the same time.

We come back from a break with Angel pounding on Big E. and TAKING OFF HIS (own) PANTS. Big E. gets up and brings in Kofi as everything breaks down. A top rope double stomp/powerbomb combination gets two on Humberto with Angel making the save. Angel hits a Backstabber and sends Big E. outside for a moonsault (with his leg smacking Big E. in the head). Another moonsault press gives Humberto two on Kofi but he’s back up with Trouble in Paradise. Kofi tries a tornado DDT out of the corner but Garza slips off and stacks Kofi up for the clean pin at 10:24.

Rating: B-. Remember last week when New Day beat Los Lotharios? Well this is the same thing but the opposite, because WWE loves doing this kind of thing. The good thing is that the match worked a little better than their usual efforts, as WWE has a bad tendency to run nothing matches back in a trilogy for some weird reason. Odds are this gets a third try, as the tag division continues to spin its wheels.

The Usos jump the Viking Raiders and leave them laying.

We look back at Goldberg returning and challenging Roman Reigns for Elimination Chamber.

We get a sitdown interview with Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman. Neither of them seem overly worried about Goldberg, with Reigns saying that if he was in WCW when Goldberg had his winning streak, WCW would still be in business. After a clip of Goldberg squashing Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series 2016, Reigns laughs them off as old news. Reigns doesn’t think much of the idea that he and Goldberg were supposed to fight two years ago at Wrestlemania. He wants to slap Goldberg in the face and get him out of here again. Preach it brother.

Recap of Aliyah vs. Natalya, with Aliyah beating her three times in a row.

Aliyah vs. Natalya

Pinfall or submission only. Natalya shoulders her down to start and they dive over each other a few times. A Michinoku Driver gives Natalya two but Aliyah is back with a Thesz press. Natalya shrugs that off and puts on the Sharpshooter, sending Aliyah to the ropes. That has no impact though as there are no disqualifications, meaning Aliyah has to tap at 2:40. So Aliyah beat her and beat her and beat her and then lost. Got it.

Post match Natalya stays on her but Xia Li runs in for the save.

We get a Rock narrated video on Rocky Johnson for Black History Month.

It’s time for InZayn, but first we see Johnny Knoxville wrecking a bunch of Sami Zayn merchandise earlier today. Sami says he’s on to bigger things like getting his Intercontinental Title back, which doesn’t go over so well with the crowd. The booing doesn’t work on a podcast so Zayn promises then vegan creole recipes for later. That brings out his guests, Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura, with Sami promising to take the title last week.

Nakamura asks if Sami saw the movie, meaning Jackass Defeated, which comes out next week. Sami doesn’t think much of Boogs, who can lift all the weights he wants. Boogs reaches for the microphone….and gets electrocuted, sending him down into the corner. Nakamura goes to check on him and gets jumped by Sami, who leaves them both laying. After that live electrocution, we’re ready to move on.

We look back at Drew McIntyre taking out Madcap Moss last week.

Madcap Moss, with a black eye, says he can’t be in Happy Corbin’s corner this week.

Happy Corbin vs. Cesaro

Corbin takes him into the corner to start and starts the pounding. Deep Six cuts off the Cesaro comeback but he sends Corbin into the corner as well. That means the slide under the ropes but they fight to the floor, with Cesaro hitting a running uppercut. Back in and Cesaro hits the springboard corkscrew uppercut for two but Corbin grabs the End of Days at 3:58.

Rating: C. This was a match where they didn’t have a chance to do much and Cesaro was there to make Corbin look good. You need to keep Corbin strong for the Wrestlemania match with Drew McIntyre, because that’s what we’ll be seeing for some reason. Corbin is better without Madcap Moss, but egads I could go for something other than Corbin for McIntyre.

We go to Madcap Moss getting his eye looked at when Drew McIntyre comes in. He knows Moss’ eye is ok, which is why their match at Elimination Chamber is now Falls Count Anywhere.

Charlotte is ready to retain the Women’s Title.

We get a sitdown interview with Goldberg and Michael Cole, who Goldberg says he loves like a brother. Goldberg promises that this is a comeback that will bring back the old him. It’s two years in the making, ten years in the making or fifteen years in the making. Reigns has promised to “Goldberg Goldberg”, but Goldberg promises to make Reigns acknowledge him.

Here’s the opening segment again.

Sheamus was the honorary starter at a NASCAR race.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Naomi

Naomi is challenging and Sonya Deville can’t get involved. Charlotte runs her over to start but Naomi is back up with a whip into the corner. An enziguri sends Charlotte outside and there’s a slingshot corkscrew dive to send us to a break. Back with Naomi in trouble but managing to catch her with a high crossbody for two. The Figure Four necklock is broken up so Charlotte chops away instead. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives Charlotte two more and she bends Naomi’s back around the post.

Back in and Naomi manages some kicks to the head, setting up a Blockbuster for two more. They head outside with Charlotte sending her into the steps for a crash as we take another break. Back again with Naomi fighting out of a chinlock and hitting another springboard spinning kick to the face. A bulldog drives Charlotte face first into the middle turnbuckle but Charlotte plants her with a powerbomb for two of her own.

The double moonsault hits raised knees though and Naomi hits the Rear View for a very close two. Naomi loads up the split legged moonsault but hits raised knees as well to give Charlotte two more. A (not great) rollup gives Naomi another near fall and she plants Charlotte with a headscissors driver. Now the split legged moonsault connects for two, as the fans are WAY into these near falls. Some forearms have Charlotte in trouble and a kick to the head staggers her again. Another Rear View misses though and the Natural Selection retains the title at 19:50.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they were rolling by the end, especially after the second break. They had some great near falls with Naomi getting so close to the title before falling short. One of the good things about Charlotte losing her title over and over is that there is a chance she could lose the title here and then get it back to set up the Wrestlemania title match all over again. Heck of a match here and worth a look.

Post match Sonya Deville is here to go after Naomi, with Charlotte coming back in to kick Naomi in the face. The beatdown is on until Ronda Rousey runs in for the save.

Overall Rating: B. They had some good stuff here, with the wrestling being solid for the most part, including a pretty awesome main event. The setback here was the focus on Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns, which isn’t exactly enthralling. At least they kept the Goldberg segment short, because talking really isn’t his thing. The main event really pulled this up, though the bad things kept the show from hitting that much higher level.

Results
Los Lotharios b. Kofi Kingston/Big E. – Rollup to Kingston
Natalya b. Aliyah – Sharpshooter
Happy Corbin b. Cesaro – End of Days
Charlotte b. Naomi – Natural Selection

 

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

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WWE’s Top Ten Moments Of 2021
Date: December 31, 2021
Hosts: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole, Becky Lynch

It’s not exactly Smackdown but at least it’s a special show. As the title might suggest, this is a Top Ten special for the year, which has me wondering what WWE might count as best. They do know how to pull some good things out of the archives though and maybe they can do that again here. Let’s get to it.

I’ll be posting the full versions of matches rather than the clipped editions.

Cole and McAfee welcome us to the show and promise a big celebration. McAfee is starting big, by bringing out the third host: Becky Lynch. The champ is glad to be here and throws us to #10.

From Summerslam.

Raw Tag Team Titles: RKBro vs. Omos/AJ Styles

RKBro is challenging after officially reuniting on Raw. Riddle goes after Omos to start and gets tossed down in a hurry as the strikes don’t work. The sleeper doesn’t do much either as Omos isn’t playing around here. AJ comes in and it’s time to kick away at Riddle. That doesn’t last long either as Riddle dives over and makes the tag.

Orton unloads on Styles and even kicks Omos off the apron to the floor. The hanging DDT is broken up though and Omos chokeslams Riddle onto the apron. That’s enough of a distraction for AJ to snap Orton’s throat across the ropes. A moonsault takes Riddle down on the floor but the Phenomenal Forearm doesn’t work. Orton ducks and grabs the RKO for the pin and the titles at 6:31.

Rating: C+. They didn’t bother doing anything but try to have a feel good moment here and that worked out well. Omos and Styles have done everything they need to do with the titles and it is a good move to switch things over. RKBro is the best thing going on Raw so give them the good moment and let things move on.

Video on Roman Reigns.

Here’s #9.

From Wrestlemania.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

It’s pretty awesome that these two are getting to face each other at Wrestlemania. Sami comes out first and introduces Logan Paul, who does not seem that popular. Owens plants him with a Pop Up Powerbomb at the bell so Sami rolls outside. That means Sami has to grab the ropes to avoid an apron powerbomb. Sami gets dropped ribs first across the top rope and there’s the Cannonball to crush him again.

The threat of Owens going to the top sends Sami outside again but this time he catches Owens with a brainbuster on the apron for a big reaction (egads). Back in and the Michinoku Driver (Cole calls it a Blue Thunder Bomb, but Graves “saves him from the internet” by correcting him. Cole: “Thanks Corey. I got enough of that last night.”) gives Sami two so he puts Owens on top.

Some headbutts send Sami flying and the frog splash gives Owens two of his own. A fisherman’s buster onto the knee knocks Zayn silly for two more but ht he’s right back with the exploder suplex into the corner. The Helluva Kick and Stunner both miss so Sami grabs the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Another exploder sets up a nasty half and half suplex to rock Owens and the brainbuster gets another near fall.

Sami takes him up again and gets countered into the swinging fisherman’s superplex to crush Zayn and have Paul slumped over in his chair. Back up and Sami hits the Helluva Kick but makes the mistake of trying another one, allowing Owens to hit a superkick. Another superkick sets up the Stunner to pin Zayn at 9:17.

Rating: B-. A lot of what made this work was just seeing Owens vs. Zayn at Wrestlemania. These two have one of the deepest histories in modern wrestling and it must be so special to them to get to do this. Good match too, with Owens getting a win like he deserves after having such a great series with Reigns. Also, thanks for getting the show on track after the awful first hour.

Post match Paul checks on Sami as he gets up so Sami yells a lot and reminds Paul that Owens is the enemy. Paul shoves him down and storms off so Paul raises Owens’ hand. The Stunner leaves him laying so Owens can hug his family. Paul is helped out and asks why Owens did that.

McAfee and Becky are having a good time without Cole, who throws us to #8.

From Summerslam.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, with MVP, is defending. They circle each other to start and we get the big power lockup. Lashley gets backed into the corner and shoves Goldberg back. A shoulder doesn’t stagger Goldberg but his flying shoulder drops Lashley. A powerslam into a World’s Strongest Slam crushes Lashley and a clothesline takes him down again. Neither of them can hit the Jackhammer so Lashley knocks him down for the forearms to the back of the neck.

Goldberg sends him flying but MVP pulls Lashley outside to avoid the spear. That’s fine with Goldberg, who hits the spear on the floor instead. Back in and Lashley bails outside to avoid another spear. MVP hits Goldberg in the knee with his cane so Lashley takes out the leg. The Hurt Lock is blocked and the fans aren’t pleased. Another shot to the knee puts Goldberg down and he rolls outside. The knee is sent into the post hard twice in a row and Goldberg collapses before Lashley can try the spear. That’s enough and the referee stops it at 7:12.

Rating: D+. Goldberg’s stuff was looking better than usual at the start and then it turned into WWE trying something emotional. They’re probably setting up a rematch or something, because Goldberg is the most overly pushed legend in WWE history. I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish other than to make Lashley look like someone who can’t get the job done almost six months into his reign. It was an acceptable power brawl for a bit and then it was the leg stuff over and over until the finish.

Post match Lashley unloads on Goldberg with chair shots to the knee and Goldberg is done. Goldberg’s son Gage tries to run in and jumps on Lashley’s back so Lashley puts him in the Hurt Lock. MVP grabs the mic and says Lashley didn’t know who it was as Goldberg crawls onto his son. MVP and Lashley bail as Goldberg swears vengeance and Gage looks bored. They had this much time to set things up and their big idea is to make it about Goldberg’s kid? There is NO ONE ELSE who can get a spot like this than Goldberg? WWE is dying for fresh stars and they use an emotional angle on Goldberg?

Video on the rise of Nikki Ash.

It’s time for #7….which is also from Summerslam.

Raw Women’s Title: Nikki Ash vs. Charlotte vs. Rhea Ripley

Ash is defending. Ripley gets sent outside to start and it’s Nikki grabbing a rollup for two. Back in and Ripley gets rolled up for the same but Charlotte sends Nikki outside. The big fight is on with Ripley and Charlotte slugging it out until Ash comes back in with a rollup for two. That earns her another toss to the floor and Ripley grabs a northern lights suplex for two on Charlotte.

A big boot knocks Ripley off the apron but Nikki is back in with a tornado DDT for two. Charlotte picks Nikki up but Ripley is back in to German suplex both of them at once. The missile dropkick gets two on Charlotte so she and Ripley fight to the floor. They stand in place and look up at Nikki as she gets ready before diving onto the two of them. Back in and Charlotte suplexes both of them, followed by a double DDT.

The chops have Ripley and Nikki rocked but they double team their way out of trouble. Charlotte sends both of them outside and goes up for the corkscrew moonsault, which lands straight on Nikki and drives her HARD into the barricade. That was terrifying and thankfully Nikki is up so Ripley can put her into the Prism Trap.

Charlotte breaks that up and it’s the Prism Trap to Charlotte, who reverses into the Figure Eight. Nikki comes in off the top to break it up and the swinging neckbreaker gets two on Charlotte, with Ripley making the save this time. Ripley is sent outside and Charlotte avoids Nikki’s high crossbody, setting up the Figure Eight for the tap to make Charlotte champion again at 13:12.

Rating: B-. I think I’ve run out of ways to talk about how many title wins Charlotte has these days but it’s better to just pull the plug on Nikki as a champion at the moment. This has been a complete nightmare since she won the title and if they just want to get it back on Charlotte, go for it. Ripley seems to be a lost cause as well though, as she has been flattened by the Charlotte train. The match itself was quite good with some awesome near falls, but there is a certain deflating value when Charlotte gets the title back.

Video on Shinsuke Nakamura.

Pat McAfee heavily approves of Nakamura, but Lynch does not approve of McAfee’s approval.

We look at the roller coaster year of King/Happy Corbin.

Here’s a look at the debuting stars of the year.

From Wrestlemania at #6.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Damian Priest/Bad Bunny

Bunny gets a huge entrance of his own, coming into the stadium on a semi truck. Miz and Priest start but Miz wants Bunny instead. That’s exactly what Miz gets and Bunny looks a bit nervous. Bunny drops him with a right hand so Morrison has to remind Miz that bunnies are lucky. Another right hand sends Miz into the ropes again so he takes Bunny into the corner for a change.

A kick to the ribs puts Bunny down but he’s right back with with La Majistral for two. Morrison freaks out, saying Miz needs to start thinking like one of the best of all time. Back up and Bunny slides through Miz’s legs and snaps off a fairly long headscissors. There’s a headbutt to Morrison but he catches Bunny with an elbow. Miz comes back in with a chinlock but Bunny is back up with more right hands. A sunset flip gets two so Miz kicks him in the face to cut off another comeback.

Miz knocks him into the corner again as the fans try to get behind Bunny again. Bunny manages to get a boot up in the corner though and a tornado DDT plants Miz. The diving tag brings in Priest to clean house in a hurry, including tossing Miz at Morrison. The South of Heaven chokeslam gets two on Miz and Bunny comes back in for stereo Broken Arrows for a double near fall.

Bunny goes up top and hits a big dive to take out Miz/Morrison (Saxton: “I knew bunnies could hop but I didn’t know they could fly!”). Miz is right back in for the Skull Crushing Finale for two on Priest with Bunny making the save. Bunny hits a Canadian Destroyer on Morrison on the floor and a high crossbody finishes Miz at 15:01.

Rating: C. Yeah Bunny got in a lot of stuff here, but are you going to tell the biggest star willing to do something with WWE that he can’t do something? Bunny probably got in more offense than any other celebrity in recent memory and he looked fine enough doing it. Miz and Morrison have been treated as clueless putzes for years now so it isn’t that much of a stretch to see them lose here. Priest got in some points by association here so this went about as well as it could have, with Bunny being FAR better than I would have bet on.

Long video on Edge vs. Seth Rollins.

#5, from Crown Jewel.

Edge vs. Seth Rollins

Inside the Cell to start big. Edge slugs away in the corner to start as the fans declare this awesome in a hurry. Rollins gets kicked in the face to send him outside but comes back in with the springboard knee to the face to take over. A suicide dive only hits Cell though and Edge sends him hard into the steps. Edge throws in the steps and hits the Edgecution for two but already seems to be limping a bit. It’s already time to go for the chair bar but Rollins is back up with the Sling Blade.

They head outside again with Edge sending him into the Cell to regain control. Edge tries the Crossface but Rollins grabs the chair bar to hit him in the eye and escape. Rollins knocks the chair into Edge’s face and hits a frog splash for two. It’s already time for the table at ringside but first Rollins has to plant Edge with the Unprettier (which is suddenly Edge’s move) for two more.

Rollins takes his sweet time going up top, allowing Edge to shove him into the Cell and through the table for the big crash to the floor. The steps are thrown in, with Edge busting on the Edge-O-Matic to plant Rollins again. Edge leaves Rollins on the steps and goes up top to drive a chair into him for the big crash and a delayed near fall. Rollins is back up with a superkick into the Pedigree for two of his own and they’re both down. The Stomp is loaded up but Edge counters into a Buckle Bomb to set up the spear for the VERY near fall.

With nothing else working, it’s time for a ladder, which knocks Rollins right back down. Rollins is able to whip Edge into the ladder in the corner and let’s get another table for a bonus. The ladder is set up as well but Edge fights up to meet him on top. That’s not the best idea though as Rollins busts out a sunset bomb through the table for another near fall. Some superkicks drop Edge to his knees and a basement superkick puts him down.

Since that isn’t enough, Rollins wraps a chain around his boot for another low superkick. The Stomp onto the chair is countered with a crotching using the chair, allowing Edge to kick him down for a change. There’s a low superkick to Rollins and Edge grabs a Crossface, complete with a wrench in Rollins’ mouth. That’s not enough either though as Edge puts Rollins’ head onto the chair, setting up the Stomp for the pin at 27:40.

Rating: B. It was a heck of a fight and they beat each other up rather well, but this is what modern Cell matches have become: TLC matches with a big cage on top, which can leave things feeling a little cramped. There’s so much stuff around and inside of the ring that it almost feels messy, which isn’t what I would like to see in a Cell match. Going back and forth with the moves and spots that brought them here (including what is apparently now Edge’s Unprettier) worked, though it never hit that next level. In other words, most modern Cell matches.

We look at Bianca Belair winning the Royal Rumble, sending us to #4.

From Wrestlemania.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair

Banks is defending and they both look to be near tears to start. Feeling out process to start with Banks having to slip out of something close to a torture rack but getting caught in a double chickenwing. Banks manages to send her outside but the suicide dive is caught, allowing Belair to gorilla press her and walk up the steps for a toss over the top. Back in and Belair picks her up, does some squats, and slams her but Banks nails a running knee to take over.

The double arm crank goes on but Belair gets up and powers her into the corner. Banks is sent to the floor where she tries to pull Belair’s braid. That’s fine with Belair, who uses it to pull Banks into the post. Banks misses running double knees into the barricade and the both beat the count. Back in again and Belair muscles her up for a suplex, bounces her off the top, leans Banks forward, and then drops her back for two.

Belair shoulders her down again and then drives in some shoulders in the corner. The 450 hits knees though and Banks tries a hurricanrana, which is countered into back to back powerbombs. Banks sends her into the corner though and it’s a kick to Belair’s face, setting up a double springboard tornado DDT for two. With Belair down, Banks goes up and starts with the Meteora but changes into a splash halfway down.

Belair tries to get up so Banks uses the braid to pull her down into the Bank Statement for a rather clever setup. That’s broken up with a roll into the ropes so Banks hammers away in said ropes. Banks goes up so Belair tries a running hurricanrana, only to get tied in the Tree of Woe.

The top rope double stomp misses and so do the running knees, which go into the buckle. Now the 450 connects for two and Belair screams a lot on the kickout. The KOD is countered and Banks grabs the braid, which is used for a heck of a whip. Now the KOD can connect for the pin and the title at 17:20. Cole shouts about a kickout before switching to Belair winning.

Rating: B. I saw someone give the perfect description of this as brains vs. brawn, which is exactly what it was. Belair is an athletic freak and someone who can do almost everything you ask of her in the ring while Banks is the seasoned veteran who knows how to take on anyone. Banks couldn’t hang with Belair physically so she had to fight smart, but eventually you just can’t get around that kind of power and athleticism. Very good match and an awesome story to wrap things up.

There is a HUGE welt on Banks’ side from the hair whip. Belair celebrates to end the show.

We take a long look at John Cena’s return.

Becky likes returns, such as this one at #3.

From Summerslam.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Sasha Banks

Belair is defending…..but not against Banks, who isn’t cleared, despite being advertised all the way through the Kickoff Show. We have a replacement.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Carmella

Belair isn’t impressed, but hang on another replacement.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Yeah that works and Lynch is challenging, after taking Carmella out that is. We get the big Belair vs. Lynch staredown and Becky officially challenges so the match is on. Bell, right hand, Manhandle Slam, new champion in 23 seconds. I would really hope that there is more to it than what we just saw, as beating Belair, who has been on fire in recent months, like that is a bad idea. There is nothing wrong with pushing Lynch, but don’t sacrifice someone as awesome as Belair to do it.

Video on Drew McIntyre.

From Raw, September 13, here’s #2.

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Big E.

Lashley is defending….or he would be if not for his knee injury. Big E. slaps him in the face and that’s enough to ring the bell. Lashley takes him to the mat and the brawl is on. A spear cuts Big E. down for two but he goes back to Lashley’s bad leg. The Big Ending gives Big E. the pin and the title at 1:18!

We’ll wrap it up the only way we could. From Summerslam, here’s #1, after Roman Reigns retained against John Cena.

And then Brock Lesnar comes back. Paul Heyman cowers in the corner and Reigns looks scared. Lesnar gets in the ring and Reigns and Heyman slowly back away. Lesnar, as a good guy for the first time in what feels like forever, poses to end the show. That’s about all there was left for Reigns at this point as Edge beat Seth Rollins, so well done on a big surprise.

Long video on Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns.

Day One rundown, with no match changes announced so far.

Becky and McAfee leave Cole alone, but he tries to follow them. That was rather sad.

Overall Rating: C. This was a really weird one, as you would think it was an advertisement for Summerslam on DVD. There were ten moments included and eight of them were from Summerslam or Wrestlemania. Those are two of the biggest shows of the year, but maybe spread the wealth out a bit? It wasn’t a bad show and it’s an easy two hour sit which helped promote Day One, but this was a weird way to go for a Best Of 2021 special.

 

 

 

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Crown Jewel 2021
Date: October 21, 2021
Location: Mohammed Abdu Arena On The Boulevard, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Michael Cole

After a year and a half away, WWE is returning to Saudi Arabia and the show is actually looking huge. For the first time in a very long while, we are seeing what looks to be a massive show with a lot going on. The main event is Roman Reigns defending the Universal Title against Brock Lesnar and that should be enough to carry just about anything. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Usos vs. Shelton Benjamin/Cedric Alexander

Non-title and the fans are WAY behind the Usos to start. Jey and Alexander start things off with Jey grabbing a belly to back suplex for two. It’s off to Shelton, who powers Jey into the corner and then hands it straight back to Alexander for a knee to the face. The arm work begins, including a shoulder breaker on Jey, setting up an armbar. A superplex sends Jey crashing down for two and it’s back to Alexander for a Tequila Sunrise.

With that broken up, the cross armbreaker goes back to the arm but Jey slips out. Jey gets in a shot of his own and gets over to Jimmy for the hot tag to clean house. What looked to be a mistimed Samoan drop gets two on Alexander, who is right back with a neckbreaker for the same. Benjamin is back in with a running knee in the corner as everything breaks down. The Angle Slam gives Benjamin two and Paydirt connects for the same. Jey is back up though and it’s a series of superkicks to send Benjamin outside. More superkicks set up the Superfly Splash to finish Alexander at 10:40.

Rating: C. Totally fine tag match here, which shouldn’t be a surprise given who was involved. The Usos are one of the best tag teams the company has ever seen and Benjamin/Alexander work well together. The fans were WAY into the Usos too, making this a nice mixture. Good start to the night here, with the match being exactly what it needed to be.

The opening video talks about how huge this show is and goes into the standard look at the major matches.

There are camels by the stage.

We recap Edge vs. Seth Rollins inside the Cell. Rollins attacked Edge, who referred to Rollins as Edge-Lite. This set up a series of back and forth mental games between the two until Edge beat him at Summerslam. Then Rollins broke into Edge’s house (which was unlocked, so it wasn’t hard) and beat him in the rematch, attacking Edge’s neck in the process. Now it’s time for the big finale, inside the Cell, as Edge wants a lot of revenge.

The Cell is lowered.

Edge vs. Seth Rollins

Inside the Cell to start big. Edge slugs away in the corner to start as the fans declare this awesome in a hurry. Rollins gets kicked in the face to send him outside but comes back in with the springboard knee to the face to take over. A suicide dive only hits Cell though and Edge sends him hard into the steps. Edge throws in the steps and hits the Edgecution for two but already seems to be limping a bit. It’s already time to go for the chair bar but Rollins is back up with the Sling Blade.

They head outside again with Edge sending him into the Cell to regain control. Edge tries the Crossface but Rollins grabs the chair bar to hit him in the eye and escape. Rollins knocks the chair into Edge’s face and hits a frog splash for two. It’s already time for the table at ringside but first Rollins has to plant Edge with the Unprettier (which is suddenly Edge’s move) for two more.

Rollins takes his sweet time going up top, allowing Edge to shove him into the Cell and through the table for the big crash to the floor. The steps are thrown in, with Edge busting on the Edge-O-Matic to plant Rollins again. Edge leaves Rollins on the steps and goes up top to drive a chair into him for the big crash and a delayed near fall. Rollins is back up with a superkick into the Pedigree for two of his own and they’re both down. The Stomp is loaded up but Edge counters into a Buckle Bomb to set up the spear for the VERY near fall.

With nothing else working, it’s time for a ladder, which knocks Rollins right back down. Rollins is able to whip Edge into the ladder in the corner and let’s get another table for a bonus. The ladder is set up as well but Edge fights up to meet him on top. That’s not the best idea though as Rollins busts out a sunset bomb through the table for another near fall. Some superkicks drop Edge to his knees and a basement superkick puts him down.

Since that isn’t enough, Rollins wraps a chain around his boot for another low superkick. The Stomp onto the chair is countered with a crotching using the chair, allowing Edge to kick him down for a change. There’s a low superkick to Rollins and Edge grabs a Crossface, complete with a wrench in Rollins’ mouth. That’s not enough either though as Edge puts Rollins’ head onto the chair, setting up the Stomp for the pin at 27:40.

Rating: B. It was a heck of a fight and they beat each other up rather well, but this is what modern Cell matches have become: TLC matches with a big cage on top, which can leave things feeling a little cramped. There’s so much stuff around and inside of the ring that it almost feels messy, which isn’t what I would like to see in a Cell match. Going back and forth with the moves and spots that brought them here (including what is apparently now Edge’s Unprettier) worked, though it never hit that next level. In other words, most modern Cell matches.

Video on Bianca Belair.

We recap Mustafa Ali vs. Mansoor. Ali mentored Mansoor but then turned on him when the team didn’t work. It’s time for revenge.

Mansoor vs. Mustafa Ali

Ali is in his hometown and gets a huge reaction. They fight over wrist control to start with Mansoor grabbing a quickly broken armbar. Back up and a dropkick puts Ali on the floor as Cole mocks Ali for setting up a hashtag about himself. Mansoor dropkicks him to the floor but Ali sweeps the leg to drop him back first onto the apron. Back in and Ali grabs a camel clutch, followed by a tornado DDT for two.

Some trash talk lets Mansoor fight back up and an atomic drop has Ali begging off. Ali is sent outside but comes back with a kick to the face. The 450 misses though and Mansoor suplexes him into the corner. A moonsault gives Mansoor a delayed near fall (with the camera on a young girl in the crowd) due to a banged up neck, allowing Ali to grab a Koji Clutch. The rope gets Mansoor out of trouble and he avoids another 450 attempt. Mansoor hits the slingshot neckbreaker for the pin at 10:00.

Rating: C. This was exactly what you would have expected and that means it worked out just fine. They had a simple feud and Mansoor gets his revenge in front of his hometown/country fans. It was a good example of a match where they didn’t make things too complicated and it was a success as a result.

Post match Ali jumps Mansoor but here is a man with a his face and head covered to slowly walk down the ramp. The covering comes off to reveal….a silver medalist in karate from Saudi Arabia (“a karate player” according to Cole, making me want to bust out some Karate Fighters). Ali gets kicked in the head and posing with Mansoor ensues. Nice moment for the live crowd there.

Some women who have beaten breast cancer are given WWE Title belts with Natalya and Titus O’Neil talking about how great they are. Nothing wrong with that.

Raw Tag Team Titles: RKBro vs. AJ Styles/Omos

RKBro is defending, but hang on as Riddle goes backstage during the entrance. As you might have guessed, Riddle comes out on a camel to head to the ring (Orton’s stunned look is great). Styles and Riddle start things off and the fans are rather into this. Riddle scores with an early kick to the chest and it’s off to Orton, to a heck of an RKO chant. Orton sends Styles into the corner and it’s right back to Riddle for the gutwrench spin into the suplex.

The problem is Riddle suplexes Styles into the corner so Omos can come in. Riddle tags Orton in almost immediately and the beating is on in a hurry, with Omos dragging Orton over to the corner. Styles comes in to stomp away and hit the dropkick, but Styles wants Omos to finish him off. That means a nerve hold (which looks like Omos is just putting his hand on Orton’s shoulder) but Orton is up in a hurry, allowing the tag back to Riddle.

Styles scores with the Phenomenal Blitz, only to get caught with a Pele. Orton comes in again and hits a powerslam but Omos’ distraction breaks up the hanging DDT. Orton snaps Omos’ throat across the top and then counters the Phenomenal Forearm into the RKO. The Floating Bro retains the titles at 8:43.

Rating: C. Total Raw level match here with a cool looking spot with the RKO. I get why the feud continued here but it feels like they have just run out of things to do in the ring or to build towards a match. RKBro needs some new competition because we have been doing this for several months now and it isn’t interesting anymore.

Becky Lynch isn’t happy with Kevin Patrick asking her about momentum (Becky: “We go all the way back to the old country!”). She isn’t worried about being in a triple threat match, which she explains in a hurry.

Video on Charlotte, who isn’t on this show.

Queen’s Crown: Doudrop vs. Zelina Vega

Vega gets powered around to start but a neck snap across the top gets her out of trouble. For some reason Vega tries a sunset flip and is quickly pulled up. Doudrop hits some ax handles to the chest and drops an elbow but gets pulled off the ropes. A tornado DDT gives Vega two and she sends Doudrop into the corner for a running shot to the face. Doudrop is back to her feet for a swinging side slam for two, setting up a running backsplash for the same. Back up and Vega avoids a splash, setting up a Code Red to give Vega the crown at 5:50.

Rating: C-. The match was about as good as you were going to get given the size difference and by comparison, this actually got time. The fact that a match which wasn’t even six minutes long was nearly double the second longest match in the tournament is not a good sign, but at least they went with someone who could use the push. All in all, the tournament felt thrown together, but I’ll take Vega finally winning something.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Goldberg. Lashley beat him via referee stoppage at Summerslam but then accidentally (perhaps) beat up Goldberg’s son after the match. Goldberg wants revenge and it’s falls count anywhere and no holds barred.

Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley

No holds barred and falls count anywhere. Lashley wraps a chain around his fist and hammers Goldberg down to start before sending him shoulder first into the post. Since Lashley can’t find a table, he beats Goldberg up with a chair and sends him into the corner again. Now the table is slid inside and Lashley stomps him down in the corner. The table is set up in the corner and Lashley takes out the leg (which caused the stoppage at Summerslam).

A chair is wrapped around the leg and a bottom rope Pillmanizing has Goldberg….well just kind of laying there. The leg is fine enough for Goldberg to get up and avoid the spear, sending Lashley through the table in the corner. Goldberg hits a spear into the Jackhammer but doesn’t cover. Instead, Goldberg takes his gloves off and throws Lashley outside for the spear into the timekeeper’s area.

Goldberg loads up the steps and then sends Lashley into various objects at ringside. Lashley is put on the steps but avoids being crushed by the rest of the steps. They go up the ramp and here are Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander, armed with kendo sticks. Goldberg beats the two of them up in a hurry and takes away Lashley’s kendo stick. Said stick is broken over Goldberg’s knee and a spear off the ramp through some tables finishes Lashley at 11:27.

Rating: C+. That could have been a lot worse. I still have absolutely no interest in seeing Goldberg and I do not care about his bored kid, but that could have been a lot worse. They used all of the smoke and mirrors here and that is the best idea. Goldberg was never exactly versatile to start and now he’s twenty years past his prime, so this is about as good as it was going to be.

King of the Ring: Finn Balor vs. Xavier Woods

Of note: there was a Survivor Series ad before the match, hyping it up as the only night of the year where Raw and Smackdown go head to head. This is the seventh match of the night and the third Raw vs. Smackdown match. They go with the technical stuff to start with Woods rolling his way out of a headlock. An armbar has Balor in some trouble for all of about five seconds before he takes Woods down. The basement dropkick gives Balor two and we’re off to the chinlock.

Woods tries to fight up but gets taken down for the double stomp. A Nightmare on Helm Street gives Balor two but he charges into a superkick to give Woods the same. They strike it out for a bit until Woods grabs a small package for two. Balor goes up but gets superplexed back down, allowing Woods to load up the Limit Breaker. That only hits knees though and Balor hits the shotgun dropkick in the corner. The Coup de Grace misses though and Woods la majistrals him for two. Woods hits a gordbuster into double knees to the chest and now the Limit Breaker is enough to give Woods the pin and the crown at 9:37.

Rating: C+. What matters the most here is that it was a nice moment. WWE set up a story here and then paid it off, with Woods talking about always wanting to be king and the fans getting behind him. It’s an underdog story and WWE actually went the right way with the whole thing, which is not something you ever see around here. Nice job for once.

We recap Drew McIntyre vs. Big E. for the WWE Title. Big E. cashed in Money in the Bank to win the title last month and that means McIntyre is allowed to challenge for the title again. They don’t seem to get along and are both hyped up for this match.

WWE Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Big E.

McIntyre is challenging and is told to hit the ropes to start. Big E. isn’t going anywhere off the shoulder but McIntyre jumps over him in the corner and drops Big E. with another shoulder. They head outside with McIntyre hitting the overhead belly to belly, followed by a Russian legsweep for two back inside. McIntyre hits a spinebuster for two and there’s another overhead belly to belly to cut off Big E.’s comeback.

The Futureshock is countered and Big E. runs him over, setting up the Warrior Splash for two. The Michinoku Driver drops Big E. for two more but he’s back with the Rock Bottom out of the corner for another near fall of his own. Now McIntyre can hit Futureshock for two more but the Claymore is countered into a powerbomb. That means a Stretch Muffler can work on McIntyre’s knee until McIntyre rolls out.

Big E. doesn’t seem to mind as he comes back with the Big Ending for a very close two. With that not working, Big E. loads up a super Big Ending but gets reversed into a super bulldog for the next near fall. The Claymore is countered and Big E. loads up the spear through the ropes but McIntyre runs back in for the Claymore and a VERY close two. To mix things up a bit, McIntyre loads up his own Big Ending, which is reversed into the real thing to retain the title at 13:22.

Rating: B. Take two big, heavy hitters and let them beat each other up for a little while. That’s all we had here and it was a good one as a result. What matters here is giving Big E. another big win, as he hasn’t been champion that long and needs to establish himself as a top guy a little bit more. This worked out rather well and was one of the best things on the card, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

There was a Be A Star event earlier today.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair

Lynch is defending. No recap for this, but Lynch returned to beat Belair for the title at Summerslam, where she replaced Banks, who returned and attacked both of them. Belair picks Lynch up for an early suplex before gorilla pressing Banks (with one hand, because of course she can do that). Lynch is back in to send Belair outside and roll Banks up for two. The Backstabber is blocked so Banks settle for Stratusfaction (while kicking Belair off the apron at the same time).

Belair is right back in to beat on Banks in the corner but Lynch elbows her into the face. Lynch monkey flips Banks at Belair, who gets taken down with a hurricanrana. Belair pulls Banks up into a torture rack but Lynch hits a missile dropkick, sending Belair flying on the impact. With Banks on the floor, Lynch picks Belair’s leg and gets two off a bulldog. Banks comes back in so Lynch Bexploders both of them for a double two.

Lynch goes up top but gets pulled out of the air and double planted down. That leaves Banks and Belair to fight over a backslide until Belair blasts her with a clothesline. Banks is back up with a knockdown of her own and goes up, only to have to bail out of the frog splash. After Belair sends Banks outside, a powerbomb gets two on Lynch. Everyone gets back in, with Belair grabbing a delayed vertical suplex on Lynch. While Lynch is still in the air, Banks tries a sunset flip but Belair kicks her away and THEN suplexes Lynch (that’s scary).

Belair misses a moonsault though and it’s a Bank Statement/Disarm-Her at the same time. That’s let go because Belair should be mostly done so banks puts Lynch in the Bank Statement. Rather than just kicking her for the break, Belair hits a handspring moonsault, which does not exactly seem that wise. Back up and Banks sends Lynch outside, allowing her to grab Belair by the braid. Belair breaks that up and grabs a European Clutch for two, with Lynch breaking it up (sans handspring moonsault).

The Manhandle Slam gets two on Banks with Belair making another save. Belair slips out of another Manhandle Slam but gets sent out to the apron. Banks tries to powerbomb her off the apron but Belair backflips her way to freedom. Lynch is right back up with a double clothesline off the barricade and it’s the Disarm-Her on Belair back inside.

Banks tries to make the save so she Disarm-Hers both of them at the same time. That’s broken up with Belair trying a double KOD but Lynch falls off. Belair is knocked down again but Banks reverses the Manhandle Slam. That just leave Belair to come back in with the KOD on Lynch. Banks tries to steal the pin but Lynch rolls her up and grabs the ropes to retain at 19:33.

Rating: B+. This was the action packed match that I was hoping it would be and there were times where I believed all three of them could win. It felt like the big time match that it needed to be and one of the biggest things on the card. I liked this a good bit and while I could go for them figuring out the title situation on each show, this was what the match needed to be. Pretty awesome stuff here and the match of the night.

We recap Edge beating Seth Rollins inside the Cell.

Long recap of Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar for the Universal Title. Reigns has been champion since last August with Paul Heyman at his side. Now Lesnar is back though and suggesting that Heyman is really in his corner. It has become a question of whose side Heyman is on, which has become much bigger than the match itself.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Reigns, with Paul Heyman, is defending. They go with the grappling to start and no one gets anywhere. Lesnar hammers away in the corner but it’s too early for a suplex. Instead Reigns hammers away, only to have to block another German suplex attempt. Lesnar powers him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs. The German suplex finally connects and it’s more shoulders into the ribs in the corner. They head to the floor with Lesnar getting posted.

Reigns gets thrown back in but manages a Superman Punch, setting up the HUGE dive over the top to take him out (good grief). Back in and the spear gets two, setting up another Superman Punch. Lesnar leapfrogs another spear to send Reigns into the corner (ala Goldberg at Wrestlemania XXXIII) and it’s time for Suplex City, complete with Lesnar mocking Reigns’ roar. The F5 gets two (on a great near fall) but another one is countered into the guillotine.

Lesnar breaks it up with a spinebuster and hits another F5, which in this case means throwing Reigns at the referee. The referee gets thrown outside and Reigns is back up with a spear for no cover. Heyman is conflicted and throws in the title….right between the two of them. Heyman: “YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!” They fight over the title with Brock pulling it away but the Usos come in for a double superkick. Reigns hits him in the face with the title and another referee comes in to count the pin at 12:22.

Rating: B. Good match here, mainly because it felt like a match. This wasn’t about a bunch of finishers spammed together as they actually built something up for a change. That makes the match so much better and a lot more fun to watch, which is more than I would have bet on otherwise. The ending leaves the door open for more later on and doesn’t give us a definitive answer to the Heyman deal. It’s the best story in wrestling today and it would be a shame if they just cut it of.

The Bloodline celebrates as Lesnar wakes up to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was actually a heck of a show with the big matches delivering and nothing bad throughout. The crowd was way into it as well and that is always going to boost things up. Above all else, there were some nice feel good moments here and the show felt like it was designed to make the fans happy rather than screwing them over time after time. Easily the best Saudi Arabia show to date and one of the best WWE shows of the year.

Results
Edge b. Seth Rollins – Stomp onto a chair
Mansoor b. Mustafa Ali – Slingshot neckbreaker
RKBro b. AJ Styles/Omos – Floating Bro to Styles
Zelina Vega b. Doudrop – Code Red
Goldberg b. Bobby Lashley – Spear off the ramp
Xavier Woods b. Finn Balor – Limit Breaker
Big E. b. Drew McIntyre – Big Ending
Becky Lynch b. Bianca Belair and Sasha Banks – Rollup while grabbing the ropes to Banks
Roman Reigns b. Brock Lesnar – Belt shot

 

 

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We are on the way to Crown Jewel and this time around that means we are going to be seeing quite the stacked card. There are some rather big matches set for the show and this time around, something might actually happen. For once it feels like a major show that just happens to be taking place in Saudi Arabia, which has certainly not been the case for most of the shows over there. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Usos vs. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin

Are they still the Hurt Business? Anyway, this was added the day before the show as a way to give us something to get the crowd going. That should be enough to warm up the crowd, though you never know what this kind of crowd is going to be at these things. If nothing else, this is a way to have the Usos around for the main event, as Roman Reigns might need some bodies to throw at Brock Lesnar.

I’ll go with the Usos winning here, as they are one of the best WWE teams in a long time now. Alexander and Benjamin are back together, but it isn’t like they would have been a serious threat to the Usos on their best day. The action should be good, but this is all about the Usos, because they are a mixture of good and more important, making them the easy winners here.

King of the Ring: Finn Balor vs. Xavier Woods

We’ll get one of the more important matches out of the way here, along with one where I’m not sure who is winning. You have the much bigger star in Balor, who already has the Prince name and would be an easy step up to the King deal, but on the other hand you have Woods, who seems to be obsessed with winning the thing. That’s a nice story to throw in and WWE has actually done it well for a change.

As great as it would be to see Woods finally win something, I think it’ll be Balor winning, as he could us something to boost him back up. Balor is a much bigger star and it makes sense to give him the rub, even if Woods could do a lot more with the idea. This is a case where there isn’t a bad option for the win, and as long as they get to actually do something here, we should be in for a good one.

Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley

Let’s get this one out of the way so I don’t have to think about it again. This is the rematch from Summerslam, where fans were not exactly interested in seeing it in the first place. Then Goldberg, known for his sensitive emotions, got all serious because Bobby Lashley attacked Goldberg’s son Gage, meaning it’s time to get old man serious. That’s totally what this match needed, right?

As stupid as it is, I’m going with Goldberg winning here, because it seems like the kind of thing that WWE would do for the sake of some kind of feel good moment. Since Gage will be at the show (!!!), you can picture the big deal at the end, which is going to be one of those things that isn’t as interesting as WWE thinks it is but will run with it anyway, all at Lashley’s expense. Yay.

Raw Tag Team Titles: RKBro(c) vs. AJ Styles/Omos

I know they haven’t been feuding for very long but this feud has worn out its welcome in a hurry. There are a few other teams on Monday Night Raw but these two have been the exclusive title feud since before Summerslam, meaning I really never need to see them fight again. Both are still good pairings but at some point, you just need to see them fight someone else.

It seems way too early to have RKBro drop the titles just yet so I’ll go with the champs retaining their titles. Styles and Omos seem like a team who could be split up to go their separate ways a bit more easily, so maybe that is being set up by another loss. Omos is going to be given a chance on his own, even if he isn’t ready for the it yet. For now though, it should be RKBro retaining, which I think it will be.

Mansoor vs. Mustafa Ali

This is the easiest pick on the show and I don’t think that is any kind of a secret. WWE understands what they have in Mansoor and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with giving a lower midcard wrestler a win in a match that is going to mean a lot to the live fans, no matter what WWE seems to think at any other point in the year for whatever reason.

Of course Mansoor wins here, because even WWE isn’t crazy enough to think there is any reason to do something else. Mansoor is likely going to be the most over star on the show and now he gets another win in his home country. Ali is a very talented guy in his own right and I could go for seeing him on such a big stage. I know it isn’t the best place for him, but it’s not like he was doing anything else beforehand (or likely after). Mansoor wins here, in as sure of a pick as you can have.

Queen’s Crown: Zelina Vega vs. Doudrop

I can’t help but sigh when I think about this match. The tournament has had six matches so far and those matches have totaled less than fourteen minutes of action. WWE has not exactly treated this tournament like anything that matters and what says honor than a match between someone who hadn’t won a match Vega, who hadn’t won a thing until the tournament started and Doudrop, who is turning into little more than a comedy character?

There seems to be more upside in Vega than Doudrop at the moment, so I’ll take her to win here. Vega is someone who feels ready to become a star as soon as she is given a chance, though it would not shock me whatsoever to see Vega lose something else. At least she is getting on the show this time, which is more than she can say most of the time. Vega wins here, though it really could go either way. Now can they at least get five minutes? Please?

WWE Title: Big E.(c) vs. Drew McIntyre

Now this one actually gets my interest up a bit, as these two could have a solid match against each other. Big E. has shown that he can hang with the bigger stars and McIntyre had a very nice main event level run as champion. Above all else, this feels like a title match these days, though comparing it to Reigns vs. Lesnar hardly does the WWE Title any favors.

I’ll go with Big E. retaining here, as McIntyre is on his way to SmackDown and there is no need to have him be like Charlotte and take the title over to the other show. Big E. can get a nice win, McIntyre doesn’t really get hurt by the loss and everyone gets to move on to whatever they are doing next. In other words, WWE has actually done something well for a change. I’m as shocked as you are.

SmackDown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch(c) vs. Bianca Belair vs. Sasha Banks

I’m not even going to try and keep track of what is going on with the title and who is on which show as of Crown Jewel and then as of Friday, because WWE is probably going to have some wacky idea to get them out of this. What matters here is we have three women who all could be a legitimate threat to leave with the title, which is always a nice situation to be in.

As for a winner, I think I’ll go with Lynch retaining, as she is fresh off of a loss to Banks and could use the pickup again. That would leave the door open for Lynch and Charlotte to swap titles ala Street Profits and New Day (because that’s such a great idea that doesn’t devalue the titles in any way), meaning we can have the Horsewomen back on top again at Survivor Series! Lynch retains here, leaving us with more room for the same stuff we’ve seen before.

Edge vs. Seth Rollins

The build for this match has been up and down to put it mildly, but what matters here is the fact that they set up the Cell in a way that actually fits. These two have been incredibly angry and violent with each other and it makes sense to do something like this as a result. It was also great to not have something as annoying as the calendar deciding that the match would take place, so again, WWE has actually done this right.

Give me Rollins to win though, as he is likely to be sticking around full time rather than having Edge pop in and out every few months. I wasn’t thrilled with having Edge win the first match, but at least Rollins tied it up a few weeks back. Rollins wins here and could easily be slotted in as Big E.’s next challenger, but don’t bet against WWE going the other way for the old guy getting his moment (to go along with winning the Royal Rumble and headlining WrestleMania of course).

Universal Title: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Brock Lesnar

Now this feels like a main event and that is not something you get to say very often these days. Reigns has taken everything to a different level, but Lesnar is the kind of monster that you do not get to see very often. You also don’t get to see Lesnar as the good guy (or at close as he can get to being one) so they have something special here. By that I mean Paul Heyman being caught in the middle, because WOW he has been an amazing force in this whole thing.

I’m completely lost here, but for the life of me I can’t picture Reigns dropping the title yet, nor should he. Above all else, Lesnar being the absentee champion again does not interest me in the slightest and I’m almost scared to think of WWE doing it again. Reigns should retain here, though I’m not completely sure he is getting the win. You know you’re going to see this match again, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see it at a big stadium in Texas next year.

Overall Thoughts

Above all else, this show is lacking that one dumb or less than great sounding match that so many of the Saudi Arabia shows have had. There is no gauntlet match or multi person tag match, so we’re left with what feels like a pretty straightforward major pay per view level card. That should work out well, so for once I’m actually optimistic about this show. Still not great on the location, but at least the content should work.

 

 

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