Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 2021
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Jimmy Smith

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means it is time for the big final push towards Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley. That’s the big focal point of this show, no matter how uninteresting it might be. Maybe they can come up with something to set up their three minute match on Saturday. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at Randy Orton returning last week and attacking Riddle to end the show.

Here is Randy Orton to open things up. Orton talks about how he does not need fans but has to stop for the RKO chants. This is still his world and tonight he promises to take Omos out with the RK…..and here is Riddle to cut him off before the O. Riddle thinks that Orton was trying to teach him something last week.

Orton isn’t sure what that means, but Riddle says that he gave him the RKO last week to show Riddle how it is really done. As Orton tries not to strangle Riddle, the offer to reform RKBro is tossed out again. Cue AJ Styles and Omos, with AJ saying how about RK NO! Tonight, no one is saving Orton from Omos but that’s not enough for AJ. He wants to face Riddle right now, so Riddle, calling AJ Skipper, accepts.

AJ Styles vs. Riddle

Omos stays at ringside but Randy Orton turns his back and walks away. Hold on though as he stops on the stage as AJ grabs an early suplex. Riddle takes AJ back though and hits the quick backsplash, only to have Styles come back with an abdominal stretch. With that not working, it’s time to work on the leg but Riddle grabs a triangle over the ropes.

Styles gets pulled outside for a crash and the apron kick puts Styles down again. There’s the springboard flip dive and we take a break. Back with Riddle grabbing a German suplex for two but another backsplash is countered into the Calf Crusher. Riddle makes the rope and knocks AJ down again. The Floating Bro is loaded up but Omos offers a distraction, allowing AJ to take the leg out. The Styles Clash finishes Riddle at 10:57.

Rating: B-. Rather good match here with the story being told as it should have been. The idea of Riddle being in over his head but never giving up despite being in over his head is a good story. Now just go with whatever you want for the payoff, and either option could go just fine. The action itself was good too and that’s a nice way to open the show.

Nikki Ash talks about how the outfit makes her feel confident and when you believe in yourself, you can be almost a superhero. She is so confident that she knows she can retain the title at Summerslam. These promos are getting more and more insufferable every week. As goofy as it was, just go full Hurricane with it and have some fun. This “ALMOST” a superhero deal having to be explained every week is getting worse and worse. Stop trying to have some brilliant concept and do what has worked before.

Riddle says he never gave up on RKBro, but now he’s just sad.

Nikki Ash vs. Rhea Ripley

Non-title and hold on though as here is Charlotte to join commentary. Ripley starts fast with a quick toss to send Nikki flying. Back up and Nikki sends Rhea outside, setting up the big dive off the apron as we take a break. We come back with Rhea hitting a delayed vertical suplex but missing a charge into the corner. A tornado DDT gets two on Ripley but she is right back with a suplex. The Riptide plants Nikki for the pin at 8:26.

Rating: D+. Another week, another chance for Nikki to be the most pathetic face on the roster. Ripley should be beating her but Nikki shouldn’t be the champion at this point so there was no way around this. I cannot wait for this deal to be over so we can move on to whatever else they have, as bad as it might be. Just get Nikki out of this stuff already because it isn’t working, at least as it is being presented.

The big brawl is on post match with Nikki kicking Charlotte to the floor.

Jinder Mahal tells Veer and Shanky to get this right, because he has given them a great opportunity. Now get rid of Drew McIntyre and his sword.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

MVP orders supper for Lashley and isn’t worried about tonight’s face to face with Goldberg.

Veer/Shanky vs. Drew McIntyre

Jinder Mahal is here too. McIntyre punches Veer into the corner to start so it’s off to Shanky to take over. The big elbow from Veer sets up the chinlock, causing McIntyre to fight back up and take over. There’s the neckbreaker to Veer and a Michinoku Driver to Shanky, setting up the Futureshock. The Claymore finishes Shanky at 3:33.

Rating: D+. I’m sure this will set up some big showdown at Summerslam where Mahal gets the win because of the sword somehow, meaning it’s time to set up a bunch of rematches. I still have no idea why this is supposed to be some hot feud, but McIntyre has a sword named Angela. That might not be interesting, but it is certainly a thing that is happening.

Post match Veer goes after the sword but McIntyre takes it away and has a message from Shanky: he wishes he could be as amazing/sexy as McIntyre and has seen the error of his ways. Now Shanky wants McIntyre to win at Summerslam. McIntyre promises to destroy Mahal and we get a quick audience poll supporting the idea.

Charlotte wants revenge for Summerslam so she can find a partner for a tag match against Nikki Ash and Rhea Ripley tonight.

We get what looks to be the same “Elias Is Dead” vignette from last week.

It’s time for, I kid you not, MoistTV, with John Morrison bringing out the Miz for answers about his suddenly fine knee. Morrison asks about Miz’s favorite movie, which is every time he was in the Marine. When asked if he was really hurt, Miz goes into a bit about how he would never lie to you.

Cue Damian Priest to call Miz a liar (in Spanish) and promise to win the US Title at Summerslam. Miz goes on a rant about how this is his first injury and lets it slip that he has been cleared for weeks. Morrison isn’t happy and Priest talks about Miz running off last week. As Miz goes on, Morrison asks why he wasn’t told about Miz being healthy. The solution is clear: Miz vs. Priest tonight, which works for Priest. It works for him so well that he shoves Miz in the kid’s pool (because there is a kid’s pool).

Damian Priest vs. The Miz

Sheamus comes out to join commentary and Miz is in street clothes. Miz starts fast and actually hits the top rope ax handle but Priest punches him in the leg. Priest charges into a boot but Morrison won’t give him the Drip Stick. Instead, Priest gives him a hard clothesline and it’s a Brogue Kick to finish Miz at 2:40.

Post match, Sheamus shouts about this being his title. No one is ever going to take it from him, especially Priest. Sheamus does have a broken face but after Summerslam, Priest will have a bleeding head.

We look at Doudrop being scared by Lillie winking at her, giving Alexa Bliss a win.

Eva Marie doesn’t want to hear it and thinks they should go to the playground. By that, she means bring her Lillie.

Alexa Bliss plays with Lillie.

John Morrison and Miz agree that things are ok, all while New Day plugs their shirts behind them. Miz and Morrison have a very wet idea for Summerslam.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground with Alexa Bliss pushing a Lillie dating show. Doudrop comes in and tries to steal Lillie, stops and stares at her, and hands her back to Bliss before walking away. Bliss: “See you at Summerslam!”

Mace vs. Mansoor

T-Bar and Mustafa Ali are here too. Mace hammers away to start but misses an elbow, allowing Mansoor to make the comeback. The sidekick misses for Mace but he shoves off a Dudley Dog attempt. Mace counters a sunset flip in the corner so Ali dropkicks him down, giving Mansoor the pin at 1:57.

AJ Styles and Omos are ready to destroy RKBro.

Randy Orton vs. Omos

An early RKO attempt doesn’t work and Orton has to try something else. Right hands in the corner don’t work either as Omos throws him down and grabs the neck crank. Orton fights up to knock him into the corner but Omos knees him in the ribs. A missed charge lets Orton fail at the RKO again, with the shove sending him outside this time. AJ goes after Orton on the floor and that’s good for a DQ at 3:38.

Rating: C-. That’s about all you can do here as you don’t want Omos to lose but you don’t want him beating someone of Orton’s caliber right before a title shot either. The reason for the DQ was kind of lame but it was the right way to go with a match like this one. It’s also smart to leave Omos in there for a short burst instead of a long match, as he just isn’t ready for anything beyond that yet.

Post match, Omos tosses Orton over the barricade with ease. AJ loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but Riddle runs in for the save, including a dropkick through the ropes to take Omos down. AJ gets kneed in the face so Omos carries him away. That leaves Riddle to help Orton up, leaving Orton to say respect is earned. He respected Riddle at one point but that does not mean he respects him today. After everything he has done in the last week though, Riddle has earned his respect. RKBro is BACK and Riddle is so happy that he throws out the title challenge for Summerslam.

We recap Jeff Hardy vs. Karrion Kross.

Jeff Hardy has spoken to his higher power and got the wrong answer. He’s bringing everything against Kross tonight….and here is Kross to jump Hardy.

Karrion Kross vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title and Hardy starts fast…..but gets pulled into the Krossjacket for the tap at 42 seconds.

Eva Marie isn’t happy with Doudrop for failing to get Lillie so it’s a pair of slaps to the face. Doudrop is so angry that she stands that glaring as Eva leaves.

Earlier today, Reggie went to the park and talks about how he learned to do his flips and tricks here. R-Truth, in a grass costume, and Akira Tozawa run up for the chase and fail miserably. Reggie flips over the top of the car (Reggie: “Too easy.”) and drives off. Truth and Tozawa yell at each other.

Summerslam rundown.

Elias goes to his own grave. Elias is still dead.

Rhea Ripley/Nikki Ash vs. Charlotte/???

The partner is Nia Jax, who laughs at Nikki for trying to take her down. The power game has Nikki down in a hurry instead and the villains take over. Charlotte comes in for a big boot on the floor to send us to a break. We come back with Nikki hitting a bulldog out of the corner, allowing the hot tag off to Ripley. Everything breaks down and Ripley gets Samoan dropped. The Banzai Drop is loaded up but Charlotte tags herself in, knocks Nikki down, and hits Natural Selection for the pin at 7:28.

Rating: D+. Another match where Nikki is basically an afterthought, because that’s all she is in the division. Ripley isn’t that much better, and now it seems that we might be heading for Charlotte vs. Jax down the line. I’ve given up hope in this division and the title match on Saturday isn’t exactly making that any better.

AJ Styles is ready to destroy Riddle and Randy Orton.

Here is Goldberg for the face to face with Bobby Lashley, but first of all, he gets to talk, because GOLDBERG is so known for his verbal dominance. Goldberg brings up MVP and Lashley talking about fatherhood, which brings Goldberg to his son Gage. It’s true that Gage can see videos of Goldberg wrestling, but Goldberg wants him to see it in person (Haven’t we heard him say that like FIVE TIMES NOW?).

Lashley and MVP come out with MVP saying Goldberg has been talking a lot lately. Lashley gets in the ring and says this is his house and the house always wins. Goldberg calls that BS and spears him before posing with his son (who seems to have his high school football team with him) to end the show. This was as bad as everything else has been in this feud, because it is the same story they have told with Goldberg and his son before and it isn’t exactly interesting to hear Goldberg talk (or wrestle, but that’s a different problem).

Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a complete failure because some of the wrestling was good and the AJ/Omos vs. RKBro angle is working well (more on that later). The problem is everything else, as this show has some of the worst plot devices and storytelling I’ve ever seen. We have feuds based on someone being ALMOST a superhero, a sword, a water gun, a sentient doll, and someone’s son who needs to see his dad wrestle despite having seen his dad wrestle several times in his life.

That’s where everything falls apart on Raw: the stories are not good. It also doesn’t help that with those stories, we’re getting (in order): more Charlotte dominance, Jinder Mahal, Miz and John Morrison every week, Alexa Bliss and Lillie the Fiend and more Goldberg main events. This show was supposed to make me want to see Summerslam, meaning this is their best foot forward stuff. This is their BEST, making me scared of what it is going to be like when they aren’t trying to get me to give them money.

It’s also what makes the Tag Team Title feud stand out. As out there as Riddle is (and he’s out there), he’s displaying a human emotion. Riddle wants Orton to be his friend, Orton won’t do it, Riddle stays at it and gets what he wants through hard work. That is something people can relate to and that is what is lacking everywhere else on Raw. The rest of the characters and stories are not things people are going to relate to and it comes off more as WWE just doing whatever they feel like instead of putting on good material. That’s how we got in this situation and I have no idea how to get out of it. Another awful, horrible Raw.

Results
AJ Styles b. Riddle – Styles Clash
Rhea Ripley b. Nikki Ash – Riptide
Drew McIntyre b. Veer/Shanky – Claymore to Shanky
Damian Priest b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Mansoor b. Mace – Sunset flip
Randy Orton b. Omos via DQ when AJ Styles interfered
Karrion Kross b. Jeff Hardy – Krossjacket choke
Charlotte/Nia Jax b. Rhea Ripley/Nikki Ash – Natural Selection to Ripley

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Main Event
Date: August 5, 2021
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Kevin Patrick, Byron Saxton

It can always be curious to see how a bit of a harsher crowd might react to a show like this one. Main Event is back to its old self as of late and that is not the most inspiring news. Hopefully this is the show that shakes things up again, as the show could already use another change. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Angel Garza vs. Lince Dorado

Yep, it’s Main Event all right. Garza doesn’t seem to think much of the LUCHA dance so he takes Dorado down by the wrist. That’s broken up with a flying mare and a hurricanrana sends Garza outside. Hang on a second though as Garza needs to hand a rose to a fan, allowing Dorado to get in another takedown. Back in and Dorado grabs a neck crank until Garza backdrops his way to freedom. Garza flapjacks him for two but he has to fight out of a cross armbreaker. A dropkick lets Garza TAKE OFF HIS PANTS, setting up a superkick and the Wing Clipper to finish Dorado at 5:38.

Rating: C-. This was a bit of a weird one as it is hard to get my mind around the idea of Dorado as a heel. It wasn’t a full on heel turn or anything close, but it was certainly more about having Garza as the focal point here. That should be the case on a bigger stage but for now, we’ll have to settle for Garza as the latest Main Event star.

We recap John Cena wanting to face Roman Reigns, who accepted a challenge from Finn Balor instead.

From Smackdown.

It’s time for the contract signing between Roman Reigns and Finn Balor for Summerslam. Sonya Deville and Adam Pearce are in charge, with Pearce saying he knows the fighting is coming. Balor and Reigns, with Heyman, come out, with Reigns insisting on sitting at the head of the table. Pearce asks Reigns to sign, but Reign gets cut off by the CENA chants. Reigns: “We’ve already seen Mr. Missionary tonight.” Reigns asks if Balor heard Cena’s opening promo tonight, because Reigns thought it was Cena saying he was better than Balor. Cena has to use old material while Balor is fresh and new.

Reigns signs, but promises to send Balor back to NXT. Balor says he can’t wait to go back to NXT as Universal Champion again. Balor goes to sign but here is Baron Corbin to jump him from behind. The beating is on and Balor is left laying. Corbin grabs the contract but here is Cena to take Corbin out before he can sign. Cena signs the contract with a blue Sharpie (McAfee: “THAT SIGNATURE IS AWESOME!”). Cole and McAfee question the legality of signing a contract like this as Reigns seethes.

From Raw.

Here are MVP and Bobby Lashley for a chat. MVP is glad to have the fans back and knows they are all excited to see Goldberg. A few weeks ago, Goldberg challenged Lashley for the WWE Title but Lashley has yet to acknowledge the challenge. Goldberg is a legend who can destroy any man on any night, but Lashley is not just any man. MVP asks how Goldberg wants to….and here’s Goldberg to cut him off. Goldberg asks Lashley what kind of a gladiator he is. The first time Lashley saw Goldberg, Lashley thought he was a victim. Fans: “WE WANT WYATT!”

Goldberg lives by the spear and at Summerslam, Lashley dies by the spear. Goldberg leaves so MVP goes out to get in the face of Goldberg’s son. That brings Goldberg back out and the spear drops MVP. Goldberg: “You mess with my son, I’ll kill you!” The fans did not care about Goldberg here and it’s kind of hard to disagree. This whole thing feels forced and there isn’t much of a way around it.

Jaxson Ryker vs. Cedric Alexander

Ryker shoves Alexander into the corner to start but Cedric looks like he is going to have some fun. You don’t do that to Ryker, who grabs a spinning slam and hits a running headbutt. Alexander gets tied in the Tree of Woe for some forearms to the chest, setting up a clothesline to the floor. Back in and Cedric manages a clothesline off the apron and we take a break.

Back with Cedric grabbing an armbar and shouting at the fans a lot. Some elbows to the face make it worse but Ryker is back up with a spinebuster. Cedric is right back with his own seated armbar but this time Ryker powers up for the running corner clotheslines. Alexander’s tornado DDT rocks Ryker, who comes back with the swinging Boss Man Slam for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: C. This was a better way to go for Ryker, who needs someone like Alexander to bump off of him. The problem for Ryker continues to be the same thing though: other than glaring at people and having an intense stare, there isn’t much to focus on. He can do one thing well and that’s about it, which is not going to last all that long.

From Smackdown.

Here is Bianca Belair for a chat. She is so proud of her 111 day Women’s Title reign and now she is happy to be back in front of these people. Belair can’t wait to see what the next 100 days have….and here is Carmella to cut her off. Carmella thinks she should get another shot because the lighting at Rolling Loud was messing her up.

Cue Zelina Vega to say Carmella is too pretty to be a three time loser. Vega gets in Belair’s face to say the people want to see a rising star get a chance. Belair accepts the challenge but Carmella jumps her from behind. Cue the returning Sasha Banks (not for the first time since Wrestlemania McAfee) for the save and a big hug to Belair. That’s probably Summerslam.

From Smackdown.

Sasha Banks/Bianca Belair vs. Carmella/Zelina Vega

Belair and Carmella start fast by running Carmella over. Carmella gets in a few shots on Banks in the corner as everything breaks down. They all head outside with Belair gorilla pressing Banks, climbing onto the steps, and then throwing her onto the other two. We take a break and come back with Belair fighting out of a full nelson but getting slammed down anyway.

Carmella stomps away in the corner and Vega cuts off another hot tag attempt. Vega’s Black Widow is broken up in a hurry and the hot tag brings in Banks. House is cleaned, including Three Amigos to Vega. The frog splash gets two with Carmella making the save. Carmella’s X Factor is countered into the Bank Statement for the tap at 8:42.

Rating: C. Just a quick match to get Banks back in the ring with a win. I’m not sure I buy the idea that Banks is going to be Belair’s new best friend, but that is one of the two default stories for women in WWE these days. Hopefully this gets rid of Carmella from the title picture for the time being, as that has been done for a while now.

Belair and Banks celebrate after the match….until Banks jumps her. The beating is on and the Bank Statement makes Belair tap. Banks picks up the title and then puts the Bank Statement on again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. That’s how Main Event tends to go, as there was very little here worth seeing but it was good enough while it lasted. As usual focusing on Smackdown is a lot better than the Raw clips, but it wasn’t like the original stuff was worth seeing. Just another run of the mill Main Event, meaning it did help me remember what happened on the important shows.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Another year another Summerslam and yet again the company has changed. Tonight we have a double main event with a Wrestlemania rematch of Lesnar vs. Angle II for the Smackdown Title and an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw Title. 2003 was split down the middle in quality as Raw was atrocious and Smackdown was some of the best television in company history. It’s always interesting to see the two shows come together. Let’s get to it.

The US Marine Corps presents the American flag while Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video talks about how there is evil in this world and the Chamber tonight will prove it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleyz are challenging and the EVIL foreigners are Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier. Bubba of course comes out with an American flag to hammer in the face status. The whole patriotism thing was a big deal in this feud as the third member of La Resistance, an American named Rob Conway, pretended to be a soldier to sneak up on the Dudleyz. It’s a brawl to start in the aisle with the challengers in full control.

D-Von chokes Dupree with the robe to start before armbarring Grenier down. A slam and a legdrop gets two on Sylvain and it’s off to Bubba for the power brawling. He puts Grenier in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch to make the French guy scream. The Dudleys clear the ring but Grenier gets in a cheap shot to give the champions control on Bubba. A double shoulder puts Bubba down for two as the USA chant starts up.

Back to Dupree for a bearhug, which isn’t often a move you see on a fat man like Bubba. Some headbutts break up hold but Bubba walks into a spinebuster for two. Bubba punches his way over to the hot tag (four minutes into the match) and D-Von cleans house. A rollup gets two on Grenier as everything breaks down. D-Von walks into a double spinebuster for two but it’s What’s Up to Dupree. The 3D lays out Dupree but Grenier makes save. Now a cameraman lays out D-Von with a camera to the head to retain the titles. It’s Rob Conway of course.

Rating: D+. That’s a pretty lame choice for an opener. Not only did the fans not get what they wanted but the match sucked as well. This was a dark time for the tag team division and there was no reason at all for there to be two sets of titles at this point. At the end of the day there wasn’t nearly enough depth and it made for lame matches like this. The Dudleys would get the belts next month.

Spike tries to run in for the save but Conway lays him out with the camera. Conway hasn’t been named here but I think the spoiler is ok at this point.

Coach says La Resistance was clever so Bubba accuses him of being anti-American and vows to get the belts back.

Eric Bischoff is warming up when Intercontinental Champion Christian comes up. He wants to know why he isn’t on the show but Bischoff blames Co-GM Steve Austin. Christian isn’t pleased but offers to be in Eric’s corner for his match later. Bischoff says he has his own plan and won’t answer what happens in the bedroom with Linda. Eric says he’ll tell everyone later.

We recap A-Train vs. Undertaker. A-Train (Tensai) is working for Vince who is in a semi-war with Taker, setting up tonight’s match. This would evolve into a bigger war soon enough.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

A-Train comes out with Vince’s mistress Sable and Undertaker has bad ribs. Feeling out process to start with A-Train grabbing a few headlocks for early control. Taker hits a quick Russian legsweep for two and he cranks on the arm to set up Old School. The second attempt works a bit better and Taker stays on the arm. A big boot misses and Taker falls out to the floor, reinjuring the ribs.

A-Train starts pounding away on the ribs and sends them into the barricade for two back in the ring. Taker gets in some shots to the ribs of his own for a breather but A-Train comes back with an impressive suplex to take him down. This is the kind of character A-Train was perfect as: a heavy who could do some impressive moves at times. A-Train fights out of a sleeper with a belly to back suplex but Taker hits a quick Snake Eyes to get a breather. A big boot misses the big bald head and a double clothesline puts each other down.

Taker wins a slugout after A-Train hung in there a lot longer than expected. Now the big boot sets up the legdrop (BROTHER) for two and another legdrop to the back of the head with A-Train on the apron has the bald one staggered. The Last Ride is easily broken up but the referee is bumped.

A-Train hits the Derailer (chokebomb) but the delayed count only gets two. Taker accidentally clotheslines the referee down again (the second match does NOT warrant two ref bumps) and A-Train brings in a chair, only to have it cracked over his own head for a near fall. A-Train escapes a tombstone but gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What are you expecting out of this match? This was back when Taker was pretty bad in the ring due to being completely unmotivated and bored with the biker character. Thankfully he would be the Dead Man again by Wrestlemania and would eventually reignite his career around 2007.

Post match Sable tries to seduce Taker for some reason but Stephanie comes in to go after her, presumably setting up a mixed tag.

Coach polls some fans on who wins the Chamber.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Shane was feuding with Kane but Bischoff stopped them from fighting. Austin made Bischoff vs. Shane for that night but Kane interfered and cost Shane the match (he later tied Shane to the steps and electrocuted his testicles. It was stupid back then and it’s even worse now. This is what I had to deal with people).

Later, Bischoff caused JR to nearly be lit on fire, so Austin had to prevent a lawsuit by making Kane vs. Bischoff but Kane walked away for some reason, giving Bischoff the win by countout. This was a qualifying match for a Summerslam match with Kane, making our match tonight. Then Bischoff went to Linda’s house and pinned her arm behind her back and kissed her against her will.Think that’s enough to set up this match?

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Wrestlemania moment. Kind of an odd time for one of these but Shawn superkicking Bret was an awesome moment.

We see Kevin Nash getting ready. JR: “Nash is a street fighter at heart.” I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Flair and HHH tell Orton to keep the title on the Game tonight and nothing more.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.

Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.

Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.

Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.

Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.

Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.

We recap Brock Lesnar destroying Zack Gowen on Smackdown (good for him). Lesnar had him COVERED in blood and rubbed the blood on his own chest. Gowen had his leg broken in two places so he couldn’t face Matt Hardy tonight. Matt declared himself the winner on Heat like a good heel would.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Angle lost to Brock in the main event of Wrestlemania, leading to Vengeance where Angle pinned Lesnar in a three way to get the title back. The two of them became best friends and friendly rivals, leading to Brock wanting a rematch. Vince said no, but if Lesnar can beat Vince in a cage with Angle as referee, he can have the shot. Before the match, someone attacked Brock and laid him out with a concussion. Brock popped up and turned on Angle, revealing that he’s working for Vince as the new heavy and getting the title shot for tonight. Vince called this the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending of course. Brock shoves him in the corner to show off the power so Angle starts getting lower. They hit the technical stuff on the mat but Brock escapes into a standoff. Brock quickly takes him down with a headscissors but it’s Angle escaping to another stalemate. Lesnar shoves him around with the power so Angle leverages him into the corner and says bring it on. Some quick armdrags send Brock out to the floor and various things are destroyed in frustration.

Lesnar picks up the belt and tries to walk out with it but Kurt pounds him down in the aisle to start the brawling. Back in and Angle snaps off the first overhead belly to belly for two before stomping him down in the corner. Brock comes right back with a gorilla press and throws Angle out to the floor. Angle is sent into the steps as this is far different from the Wrestlemania match. Back in and Brock hits a release belly to belly without leaving his feet.

Angle slips out of another gorilla press and gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. We hit the rear naked choke on Angle which is turned into a bodyscissors. Angle fights up but runs into a knee to the ribs to put him right back down. Kurt is pounded into the corner but grabs a rollup for two, only to be clotheslined back down. The story of this match isn’t working as well as their first fight. This is much more of a traditional wrestling match with good vs. evil and that’s not what these two are best at.

Lesnar comes right back with something like a Muscle Buster for two, followed up by shoulders to the ribs in the corner. Brock sends him into the corner to stay on the ribs and back before firing off more shoulders in the corner. Angle finally moves to avoid a charge, sending Brock shoulder first into the post. A dropkick takes Brock’s knee out and Angle rolls some Germans for a close two. Brock comes back with an overhead belly to belly of his own but Angle pops up and tries the Slam, only to be countered into a spinebuster for a close two. The fans are into this match.

Angle counters an F5 into a DDT and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two for the champion and there go the straps. The Angle Slam connects but Brock is up at two as per tradition. In one of my favorite moments, Angle puts the straps up so he can take them back down, firing himself up even more. There’s the ankle lock but Brock makes a rope. Angle pulls him back so the rope doesn’t count in a questionable call, so Lesnar rolls out, bumping the referee in the process.

Lesnar sends him into the corner and Angle tries a sunset flip but stops before going down, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck in a choke before putting on another ankle lock. Lesnar eventually taps but there’s no referee so here’s Vince with a chair to Angle’s back to break the hold. Brock gets to his one good foot and hits a pretty awesome one legged F5 for a delayed two. Vince demands another F5 but Angle counters into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope but again Angle pulls him to the middle for no break. Brock grabs all four bottom ropes but the referee doesn’t break it, forcing Brock to tap out.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but the ending never worked for me. At the end of the day, if you touch the ropes the hold is supposed to be broken. That’s wrestling 101, but for some reason it doesn’t count at the end of this match. The match was good but it was overbooked when you have these two being able to own whatever ring they’re in. The Vince stuff was annoying but that’s what you have to expect in WWE.

Post match Vince tries to jump Angle again but gets Angle Slammed through a chair for his efforts. And on Vince’s birthday too.

Goldberg is listening to an iPod to get ready. That’s such a wrong image.

Some Arizona Diamondbacks are here.

We recap Kane vs. RVD. They had been friends and tag champions but Kane lost a match to HHH, forcing him to unmask. This unleashed Kane’s inner demons for the 10^th time or so, turning him into a psycho who lit JR on fire. Kane swore everyone was laughing at him even though RVD told him everything was fine. Kane beat up RVD in a match and tombstoned Linda McMahon on a stage to start his feud with Shane, leading to a rematch with Rob here tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Fink says this is No Holds Barred. So does that make Kane Zeus? JR calls Kane an inbred mongrel dog, which isn’t that high up on his list of sayings. Van Dam fires off right hands to start but Kane takes him to the floor with a few uppercuts. Kane charges into a boot and gets kicked in the face to put the monster down. Kane easily slugs him down and pulls out a ladder. Van Dam manages to smash the end of it to drive the ladder into Kane’s face, only to have Rolling Thunder caught by the throat.

RVD kicks out of the chokeslam but gets knocked out to the floor as the brawl continues. Kane sends him into the steps and is in full on monster mode. Back in and Van Dam scores with a kick and some shoulders to the ribs for two. Rob goes up top but gets shoved down onto the barricade to give Kane control again. A ladder to the face gets two back in the ring and a big clothesline puts Van Dam down again.

We hit the slow motion part of the match as Kane pounds on Van Dam very slowly to stop the crowd from being interested. Van Dam is backdropped to the floor but Kane badly botches the top rope clothesline, nearly falling on his head and dying. Kane avoids another ladder shot and DDTs Van Dam on he floor, only to have Rob catch a charging Kane in a drop toehold to send him face first into the steps. Kane is kicked into the crowd and crotched as he tries to come back to ringside.

Van Dam’s spin kick off the apron puts Kane down again as this match just keeps going. Back in and Rolling Thunder onto the chair crushes Kane but Rob can’t follow up. Kane sits up but gets caught by a Van Daminator. Rob loads up the Van Terminator but Kane rolls away at the last second. They head to the floor and Kane tombstones Rob onto the steps, killing him dead for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was an ok brawl but it went on WAY too long. At the end of the day this was just a rest stop on the way to Kane vs. Shane next month which was probably the more interesting feud anyway. The match was Van Dam trying his best but not being able to keep Kane down. It certainly wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t many steps above one.

Eric is annoyed that Terri is asking him questions. Linda comes in and slaps Bischoff in the face.

HHH looks at the world title.

The Chamber is lowered.

We recap the world title match. There isn’t much to this other than HHH is injured and can’t fight Goldberg one on one so we get an Elimination Chamber instead. Goldberg is in for obvious reasons, Jericho and Nash have been feuding lately, Orton is there to give HHH a hand and Shawn is there for past issues with HHH. This gets the music video treatment, set to St. Anger by Metallica.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

After about 12 minutes of entrances we start with Shawn vs. Jericho, who will go for three minutes. After that time is up, a pod will open to release another wrestler. Three more minutes and another pod opens. This repeats until everyone is in and it’s last man standing wins. Eliminations can occur at any time and have to take place in the ring, not on the cage floor outside the ring next to the pods. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho rolls through a cross body for two.

They trade chain wrestling moves into a pinfall reversal sequence as the fans chant for Goldberg. Back up and Shawn slaps him in the face before backdropping him down. Jericho’s Walls attempt is countered into a small package for two but Jericho comes back with a bulldog to take Shawn down. JR screws up the world title continuity by saying the title has only changed hands once in Phoenix, but that’s the other world title. Not that it matters to WWE but they make such a big deal about the continuity that it’s worth pointing out.

Anyway Orton is #3 and gets two off a high cross to Shawn. Michaels is clotheslined to the cage floor but he comes back in to pound away on Jericho. Randy dropkicks him down and stomps Jericho down against the ropes but can’t RKO Shawn. Instead Orton is sent to the cage floor by a combined effort, only to have Jericho put Shawn in the Walls. Kevin Nash is in at #4 to make the save and go after Jericho as Shawn and Orton brawl in the ring. Jericho’s face is rubbed against the cage to give us our first blood.

Nash (with short blonde hair here for a movie) cleans house but walks into a superkick into a rollup for the pin by Jericho. Nash was in there about two minutes or so. HHH is #5 but Shawn superkicks him before he can get out of the pod to make sure the injured champion doesn’t have to do much. Nash lays out Jericho, Orton and Shawn with Jackknives, leaving everyone down for a massive dead spot. Shawn is busted as well.

They finally get back up to slug it out as JR talks about Oklahoma for no apparent reason. Here’s Goldberg at #6 to FINALLY wake the crowd up a bit. He cleans house and clotheslines Jericho and Shawn down before spearing Orton down for the pin, leaving us with four. Jericho hits a quick missile dropkick for two on Goldberg but he launches Chris into the cage to put him back down.

Goldberg sends Shawn into the corner before spearing Jericho through the glass pod. Goldberg is dazed though, allowing Shawn to drop the elbow to set up Sweet Chin Music. This is Goldberg though so the kick is blocked by a spear and the Jackhammer gets us down to three. A quick spear and Jackhammer to Jericho leaves us with HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH is still in the pod as he’s been in the match for about six minutes now and literally hasn’t done anything.

Flair shoves the pod door closed to save HHH so Goldberg kicks the pod door in so we can actually have a match. Goldberg pounds away in the pod before sending HHH face first into the cage. The champion is busted open but he FINALLY gets in a kick to the leg and sends Goldberg into the cage. Goldberg comes right back with a clothesline and they head into the ring. The spear is loaded up but hits the sledgehammer that Flair slid in, keeping the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well and the ending sums up everything wrong with Raw in 2003. The fans were primed for a Goldberg title win, HHH was injured and had no business being in the match anyway, Goldberg dominated the match, HHH literally hit two offensive moves in ten minutes of match time, but HHH uses the sledgehammer to retain the title. Yeah Goldberg got the title a month later, but THIS is the match people remember because THIS is the big show. HHH wins at the big show, the monster wins the next month at the B show. Does this sound familiar to fans in 2013?

As for the rest of the match, there’s nothing going on here. It’s less than twenty minutes long from bell to bell and the three minute intervals really hold this down. No one had time to do anything, making it more like the 1995 Rumble than anything else. It’s just not very good and the ending sucked whatever life it had out of the match. Again, 2003 Raw just wasn’t that good and this match sums up why.

Post match HHH and Evolution gets to destroy Goldberg again with the hammer to really pound in who is the star. Goldberg is handcuffed to the cage so HHH can shove the belt in his face and remind him who the champion is to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s some good stuff on here but the HHH factor drags it down again. I’ve said this a lot tonight but 2003 just wasn’t a good year overall. It’s a bunch of matches and feuds that people don’t want to see but we have the same McMahon nonsense over and over again because WWE is their playground and they can do whatever they like. Over on Raw HHH gets to keep the title FOREVER despite being hurt and having beasts like Benoit and Guerrero waiting in the wings to be the next guys. Did they pan out in the end? No, but at this point no one knew that was the case and HHH got the title as a result.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: C

Redo: D+

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

Redo: N/A

Tajiri vs. Rhyno vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: B

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Goldberg vs. HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C

So I liked almost all of the matches more or the same the first time, but the overall rating is much higher this time. Not surprising.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Austin and Rock are retired, Lesnar is still a big name, HBK stuck around to shock the world even more, and that’s about it. Seriously, not much else has happened. Cena and Batista haven’t risen to power yet as they’re about a year and a half away from taking over the company. There is a new arrival however: Goldberg, who I wouldn’t call a flop but I’d call him a disappointment.

He’s at war with HHH over the title currently, so that’s your main feud, but of course they couldn’t just have them go one on one, so we get the second Elimination Chamber instead. Your other main event here is Brock vs. Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. The card looks….ok I guess but a bit top heavy. Let’s see how it is.

Lillian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner with the Marine Corps Color Guard on the stage. To say she’s gorgeous is an understatement. They need to do this more often at PPVs. The opening video is pretty good, as we hear a clock striking what I would assume to be midnight and with each bell sound we see a clip of another match. Oh I forgot to mention: Lesnar is a heel again and is working for Vince.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

This is as simple as you can get here: the French champions make fun of American so the American team that’s never really been patriotic rally round the flag to fight for the Red White and Blue, despite the fact that the French flag has the same colors but you get the idea I guess. La Resistance are the guys that were the tag team of the year at this time, always holding the belts mainly due to the fact that they never had any opponents of note to face them.

The Dudleys were guys you could just throw into the title picture and it would work though, much like they do now in TNA. Guys like that are great to have because their resume makes them a legit threat so you know you’ll get a decent performance out of them and they make the other team look good. It’s the same thing that Shawn Michaels did in the last year or so.

He was never going to beat Jericho for the belt, but he was a legit challenger that you could count on for a solid match and he can be thrown into the title picture at a moment’s notice and be perfectly credible. That’s a very valuable asset to have. This was also back in the day of the old school tag title belts which I’ve always loved. JR touches on the idea that Bubba and D-Von are related which he kind of brushes off.

The faces are WAY over and take control early on which makes sense. They continue to dominate after a brief heel comeback, but after the 3D a cameraman comes in and hits D-Von with the picture taking machine for the pin. Bubba was too busy counting the three to stop the run in to break up the 3D, so the heels steal it. Post match, the camera guy beats up D-Von, Bubba and Spike who runs in for the attempted save, with the camera. Of course it’s Rob Conway, who didn’t have a name yet.

Rating: C. This felt like an extended TV match to me. It was ok, but nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw. The tag division was pretty much the same for about 5 years and it’s still that way today, with not much of anything of note going on other than the occasional title change. La Resistance was nothing special, but they were ok I guess. Not a bad match, just nothing that jumps off the page at me.

Coach interviews the Dudleys in the aisle, saying that the French were clever. Bubba doesn’t like this.

Bischoff is warming up and Christian talks to him like they’ve never met. Really? Bischoff is fighting Shane tonight for some reason. Christian is upset that he doesn’t have a match and Eric blames his co-GM, Stone Cold. The audio is bad here for some reason and I can’t make out all of what they’re saying.

We see the recap of Taker against A-Train. Basically Vince is hiring all the monsters he can find and Taker is the one he can’t get, so he’s the one that fights them off. A-Train started by attacking Stephanie last month at Vengeance to keep her from beating Sable, who Vince was having an open affair with.

Then, Taker fought back but A-Train kept making him lose matches, including one on Smackdown by pinfall to John Cena. Yes, Cena has indeed hit the FU to the Undertaker and pinned him in the middle of the ring. Anyway, that of course leads to this match.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

Taker’s music with lyrics is just awesome. This is the very end of his biker character though, as he was literally buried at Survivor Series by Kane in a Buried Alive match. I used to get the opening to A-Train’s music and JBL’s music confused. How can Sable be this hot at this age? She’s even hot now with Brock and this is 6 years later. Why is Taker in the second match of the night? Can I get an explanation?

Taker still has taped up ribs. Basic big man match for Taker which is probably his specialty: fighting monsters. A-Train was always someone that they wanted to push it seemed but it just never happened. Old School puts the train down.

We hit the floor for a bit and Taker’s back goes into the post as A-Train takes over. Can we just look at Sable’s chest some more? It’s certainly more entertaining. Taker grabs a sleeper of all things but walks into a belly to back suplex as Train keeps dominating. Taker gets out of the corner as nothing but punches. At times it seems like he does nothing but that and his finishers.

After some very basic stuff Taker can’t get the Last Ride and walks into a Derailer (choke powerbomb) for two of course. Good grief this is a formulamatic match. Down goes the referee as A-Train hits a bicycle kick and grabs a chair. It gets kicked into his face for two as we learn a good lesson about bringing a foreign object in. Use AMERICAN DANG IT! Chokeslam ends it clean.

Rating: D. Again, Taker is good at fighting monsters, but it feels like a TV match and nothing more. Why would I want to watch a TV match on PPV when I have to pay for it? It’s ok, but that’s all it is. A-Train was an underused talent, but come on. Taker deserves more than an underused talent, and to be fair he would be put into a title feud with Lesnar starting in the next week or two. Sable was hot as fire though.

Post match, Sable comes in to try to seduce Taker. Taker doesn’t go for that and chokes her until Stephanie returns and beats the heck out of her. Cole says she kicks the heck out of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s only punches. Then again, I’m no professional. Sable and A-Train bail as Cole freaks because of the power in the ring at the moment.

Brock has a new DVD.

We see Jericho stretching in the back as Coach is at ringside asking fans who they think will win the EC tonight. Everyone thinks Goldberg. If you’re going to waste time, I guess you might as well involve the audience.

Hit the recap button for Bischoff vs. Shane. This is REALLY long so I’ll try to summarize it as well as I can. Shane and Kane were feuding because Kane tombstoned Linda. Vince is being a jerk and won’t let Shane fight Kane, so Shane fights Bischoff. Kane saves Eric and helps him win. JR then decides that since Bischoff caused Kane to try to burn JR alive, that he’s going to sue Eric.

Austin comes out and says that JR won’t sue if Bischoff agrees to face someone. Eric, assuming it’s Shane, agrees. However, it’s Kane. For no apparent reason, Kane bails and Eric immediately wins by count out. However, the contract had a clause in it that said that the winner got Shane at Summerslam.

My that’s a fast contract to have drawn up in a matter of minutes isn’t it? Anyway, Bischoff goes to Vince’s house and kisses Linda and it’s implied he either raped her or slept with her with her being willing.

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

According to Tony Schiavone, anyone that follows tournament karate knows that Bischoff is a great fighter. In other words, about 4 people know that. Eric gets on the mic before Shane comes out and implies again that he slept with Linda. Eric is cut off by Shane’s music. You can tell he’s pissed because he only dances a bit. They’re on the floor inside of a minute as Shane is just killing him as you would expect.

Shane keeps rolling in and breaking the count and then goes back out again and it’s getting annoying quickly. JR references an elevator company, and sadly enough I get the reference. Coach pops up and smacks Shane in the back with a chair. Bischoff gets on the mic and makes it a hardcore match. Bischoff says that since Coach is the best commentator of all time to cut off JR and Lawler so that Coach can do all of the commentary. Yeah, this isn’t going to be bad at all.

What was the appeal of Coach? I’ve yet to ever be entertained by him at all. Without commentary this is somehow more boring if that’s possible. Shane finally wakes up and fights them both off, breathing some much needed life back into the crowd, but Austin comes out to really wake things up. I miss JR screaming about this. Austin can’t hit Coach though unless he’s touched so we get the I’m not touching you joke.

Shane makes Coach touch him though, which I think is illegal in some states, leading to the Austin beatdown. Austin and Shane make a weird team to say the least. Austin thankfully turns the announcers back on, which I hope is illegal in all states. Bischoff slaps him and gets a stunner from the man that he fired via fed ex.

Shane puts Eric through the Spanish Announce Table, which is famous enough to get all capital letters, with the elbow for the pin on the floor. JR calls this coast to coast. No JR, no. Austin and Shane have beers to kill some more time.

Rating: D. This was more like a big angle and it went on WAY too long. There were parts of this where it was just dragging on and on and on. Austin coming out completely saved this as it was an incredible boring segment. Coach is a waste of air and always has been so why would I care about him?

This was just really bad with only Austin being interesting at all. You know, even after this, the problem for Shane is that it’s never known if Linda did anything or not, so what does Shane actually gain out of this?

Of all things, we get a Wrestlemania Recall. Dude, the show is EIGHT MONTHS AWAY. I get the idea of early promotion, but come on now isn’t that a bit much?

Nash is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber.

Flair is with Orton, talking about how HHH will win tonight. Evolution was in a weird stage at the moment as Batista was out with an injury. The real reign of terror would begin in October when he came back.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri

Eddie is champion here. All four are in the ring and the first person to either get a submission or as Chimmel puts it, catch a pinfall, is the champion. After announcing that, he says it again seconds later in case we weren’t listening I guess. There’s no backstory here that I know of and if there is they don’t cover it. I can’t find any mention of one, so I’m guessing it’s one of those let’s throw everyone together and have them do their best. That can be a great idea at times.

Eddie comes out in a car of course. He would very soon be pushed to the main event and given the WWE Title in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time as he wasn’t a big enough star and obviously wasn’t ready for it, and likely never would be ready for it. Oh so Eddie hit all of them with the belt on Smackdown so that’s our story? Dude, anyone can do better than that. The US Title is just over a month old at this point, so it’s not like there’s time for a real history.

Eddie beat Benoit for it in a tournament final at Vengeance the previous month. It’s funny seeing the table all destroyed with Eddie standing in front of it. It looks so out of place and it’s making me chuckle. It’s kind of cool to think that Benoit and Eddie would both be champions at the end of Mania in 8 months. I love the Rhyno character around this time as he was just completely insane and liked hurting people. I love that.

In other words, he was his normal self. Four ECW guys out there as well, so if nothing else ECW had an eye for talent. I always like the Lasso From El Paso. In a very cool spot, Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface at the same time Eddie has the Lasso From El Paso on Tajiri. For one thing, the referee isn’t sure who to check on, but Eddie has a problem. Does he try to win, or does he break up the Crossface to save the title? That’s very smart and I really like it.

Tajiri gets to the ropes though so that’s all over. Eddie gets put in it and it takes several kicks from Rhyno and Tajiri to get him to break it up. Why does ever spinebuster have to contain an Arn Anderson reference? We get it, he had a sweet move. I will always mark out for the rolling German suplexes. Rhyno hits a gore but Eddie is holding the belt which is an old and classic move. Benoit and Tajiri fight to the floor which allows Eddie to steal the pin with the Frog Splash.

Rating: B-. To me, this is perfect for a PPV title defense for a new champion. It looks challenging, he gets a clean pin over an opponent, it’s about 11 minutes long, and two guys save face, allowing them to challenge for the title in the future because they didn’t get pinned. The wrestling was fine, but as is the problem with multi-man matches, it can get hard to follow. Either way, this was fine and a great way to really start Eddie’s reign.

Shawn Michaels is in a hallway getting ready. I guess that’s better than being in a closet.

Metallica is doing the theme song, with St. Anger. Still not sure if I like that album or not. The song is good, but I’m not sold on it. It’s certainly not bad, but I’m not sure if it is good enough for Metallica.

Lesnar has been a monster lately and this past Thursday he beat up Zach Gowen, and for those of you that don’t know, he had one leg. He broke his leg apparently. Gowen was supposed to fight Matt Hardy on Heat, so Matt declared himself the winner. Matt saying that real wrestlers fight through injuries absolutely cracked me up.

We get the recap of the Angle/Lesnar feud, which they more or less say has only happened over the course of a month and not 8 months, which is the real case. Angle was a heel back then so I guess that’s why. Angle won the title at Vengeance as a face but it was a triple threat. Kurt and Brock formed kind of a super team in between the shows as Angle said Brock helped him through his injury. After he agreed to the title match though, Lesnar turned heel in a complicated angle.

Vince said that Brock had to earn the title shot, but he would have to beat Vince in a cage match to earn it. Ok, that makes little sense on Vince’s part so I guess that means everything is perfectly normal. To continue making things odd, he makes Kurt the guest referee. Before the match though, someone attacks him.

Lesnar goes into the match anyway but collapses. Angle beats up Vince but Lesnar is faking and turns heel by beating up Angle. I’m not wild on Lesnar being the heel, but I guess that works. I am glad that he comes out alone though.

Smackdown Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

They start with amateur moves which I’m always a fan of. It’s just cool to see guys that are so naturally talented at things like that and it’s always fun to watch. This was back when Angle still had meat on him and didn’t look like he was about 200lbs. He was also relatively sane at the time, which is always a plus. In a funny visual, Angle out wrestles Lesnar and sends him to the floor. The Spanish guys STILL have no table.

They have at least a dozen tables for hardcore matches but they can’t loan the Spanish guys one for the night? I’d love to hear how pissed off they are at times. It turns into more of a brawl and Lesnar takes over as is expected. Lesnar’s second press slam is countered into a rollup. I like that as it shows that Angle learns with every move that he uses. That’s a nice little touch that likely wasn’t even intentional at all.

Lesnar busts out a rear naked choke so I guess MMA was always in his blood. We slow it down a LOT as Brock takes over with some standard heel stuff which is fine, but when I watch Brock Lesnar I want to see more than just stomps and chin locks. They keep talking about how Brock won the title last year, which is stupid as I’m pretty sure he’s done more since then. In this match, we get some of the good Angle, as he gets into that zone of his and more or less wills himself to victory.

He continues to steal moves from other wrestlers as he launches into a series of Germans from that other guy. Angle gets thrown over his head as I completely love Brock’s belly to belly and I always have. This review is rather short but as I’ve said many times, it’s hard to make fun of a good match. Lesnar’s shoulder hit the post so it’s hurt as well. Angle counters the F5 into a DDT while making it look miles better than Eddie would at No Way Out.

He pulls the straps down and for likely the first time ever, I’m loving Kurt Angle. He’s much better as a face than a heel to me, but I’m odd in that area. In a very weird thing, Angle puts the straps back up, only to pull them down again. Um, why? It looked very odd to see him do that as he got the big pop for it once so I guess he wanted another big pop? Either way it came off as odd. Ankle lock is on after Brock kicks out of the slam. In a huge twist, the referee gets knocked down.

Angle looks like he’s going for a sunset flip but in a unique move he locks his legs around Brock’s head and I guess uses a sleeper? It looks cool and I could see it working as a knockout hold I guess. From this he transitions to the ankle again and after about 30 seconds and two ropes Brock taps but there’s no one to tap to. I guess Brock is a drunk man? Vince runs out and chairs Angle to break it up as I’m going into a play by play guy which I don’t like doing.

Vince looking around as if to say I didn’t do anything makes me laugh. To just show how much of a freak he is, Lesnar hits the F5 while standing on one leg. To say that’s insane is the understatement of all time. It looks completely sick too as Angle lands straight on his head. However since this is a major PPV, Angle kicks out. Vince’s shirt looks completely stupid. The F5 is reversed into the ankle lock but Brock gets to three of the bottom ropes (called all four by Cole as he’s just a stupid boy).

However, despite him touching the ropes and even grabbing them, Kurt pulls him back and the referee doesn’t count them I guess. Lesnar taps as Kurt Mir keeps the belt. Post match Vince tries to attack Kurt with a chair and in an odd looking bit Vince misses but falls on his back. Angle slam through the chair looks completely sick.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT match. It was two machines working very hard out there and with the right amount of time they were able to make this something special. Brock would get the title back in a few weeks after an iron man match on Smackdown. This was a very good match all around with Angle having to go to lengths he rarely had to in order to keep the title. Very good match and you should watch it.

We get an ad for Shawn’s first DVD which is also available on VHS. That just sounds odd.

Goldberg is getting ready with IPod headphones in. That makes me chuckle.

I think it’s Vince’s birthday if I’m reading the commentator’s hints right.

We see the first diva search winner, Jamie. She never got a contract which is why you’ve never heard of her. She’s cute.

Recap of RVD and Kane. This came about because Kane had to unmask in a very creepy moment and he blamed RVD for it for no apparent reason. Since then he’s just been a violent big red monster. Van Dam tries to fight him off but Kane just keeps destroying him, leading to Van Dam being tortured.

RVD vs. Kane

Just before the match starts, Fink announces that it’s been made no holds barred. At the time Kane was wearing the singlet top with pants and no mask, so he looks like a freaking moron. Anyway, Van Dam comes out and Kane of course kicks his head in for the most part. The opening half is just about all Kane but Van Dam is able to get some random punches and kicks in, but of course since he’s a main event guy, they work better. I’ve always wondered that.

Why do jobber punches mean nothing while a single right hand from say Austin can stop a guy dead in his tracks? Is it the punch that makes a guy great or is it the guy that makes the punch great? We get weapons brought into the equation and now Van Dam at least has a fighting chance. I wouldn’t call this filler, but it’s certainly not a major match, at least not in my eyes, as it’s sandwiched between the two title matches.

It’s odd to think that RVD has been world champion for far longer than Kane was, twenty two times for that matter. Kane comes off the top with the diving clothesline but misses and hits the barrier which is awesome looking.

This is back when Kane was really quite good in the ring still, but for no reason at all they wouldn’t give Kane the belt in 2002 when he was at his hottest since his debut. Van Dam gets in his usual offense but it was fairly obvious that Kane was getting the win here. RVD goes for the Van Terminator but Kane moves. This leads to the tombstone on the stairs to end it.

Rating: C-. You have a former tag team, no rules, and a violent guy. That should be a solid match wouldn’t you think, especially with two of the bigger names around. This just fell flat to me. It’s ok, but it wasn’t something I wanted to really watch. Some people would probably say it was good and I likely wouldn’t argue with them, but I just couldn’t get into it. I think the placing on the card was bad for this.

In the back Eric is getting iced and Terri asks how he’s feeling. He asks if she’s stupid. This came off as really funny to me when it likely wasn’t that great, but I really liked it. Linda comes in and Eric gets all nervous. She slaps him.

HHH is looking at his title belt. I’ve always wondered if it talks back to him. Flair gives him a pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

We get a recap of the first chamber match, including HHH’s legit throat injury. The problem is that we’re never told why these 6 are in this match. We instead get a music video set to St. Anger. From the best I can tell, HHH and Shawn have been kind of feuding, Nash and Jericho I know were feuding, Orton is there because he’s in Evolution, and Goldberg is the next big feud for HHH and his current feud. This is all what I remember and infer from the video.

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Orton vs. Goldberg

In case you don’t know the rules, you start with six guys, four in the individual pods and two in the ring. After a set amount of time, one of the four are released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Orton is out first, so he’ll be in the pod, as will the next three. I’m 21 years old. That’s how old Orton is here. That’s absolutely scary. Nash, out second, got his hair cut by Jericho on Monday, which in reality was for a movie he was in.

Third is HHH, who I would say needs no introduction but he’s getting one anyway. Flair isn’t with him. Correction yes he is, but just very far behind. HHH was coming off a torn groin at the time so he’s rocking some shorts, kind of like Lashley wears but a bit longer. Think of Cena’s but tights. Goldberg is out fourth so Jericho and HBK will be starting. WWE of course had to change his music, which is dumb because his music was awesome.

The chants have already started. Him walking through the pyro was always cool. JR says that describing Goldberg as intense is like describing the universe as fairly large. Listen here fat boy, I use analogies, not you, UNDERSTAND? Goldberg is also wearing the shorts now and he also looks stupid. I guess it was to avoid looking too much like Austin, which makes sense as he was a pure rip off of him already. The fans are WAY into him.

Orton is just a kid here and he looks almost scared to death. Jericho is next, making Shawn last. HBK is the grizzled veteran here who once again is going for one more shot at the title which would be his storyline going into Mania. The Chamber really does look awesome. There’s the bell and we’re finally ready to go. Jericho and Shawn had the classic at WM 19 so this is going to be good. JR says a coin toss determined who starts. How can you have a six way coin toss?

JR says that HBK dominated the late 80s and early 90s. Am I thinking of a different HBK? The fans are chanting Goldberg so I’m not sure what promotion I’m watching. The announcers do a good job of playing up HBK vs. Jericho as JR talks about the history of the world title changing in Arizona. Dude, you’re either preparing WAY too much or you’re the most bored man in the history of the world. Wait, that’s not right anyway.

That was the original world title, not this one. This belt has only been around about a year at this point, so no it hasn’t changed in Arizona. Are you starting to see why I can’t stand JR? This is probably my favorite period in Jericho’s career. It’s a shame he was turned face soon and feuded with that waste of air Christian. Orton is in third so it’s 2-1 in favor of the heels. I wish he did that cross body more. It’s awesome and always has been.

We get the WOO for Jericho’s chops, which is interesting as Flair is at ringside. I wonder if he considers that a compliment. I’d have to think that he would. Ross is really getting annoying with his repetition of things. Ross calls for Orton to break free of HHH and work for himself. Give it about a year or so there Jimmy boy. They finally go outside the ring and hit the cage a bit and the match instantly gets more interesting.

Shawn goes for…something and Jericho catches him with the Walls. It looked bad as more or less Shawn jumped perfectly for the Walls. Nash is in now as they try as hard as they can to make him sound like a credible threat. Well, he’s been in there 15 seconds and he’s not hurt yet so he can consider tonight a victory of sorts I guess. He has short blond hair here, so he looks completely stupid.

He’s the jobber here as no one, and I mean no one thought he was a legit challenger, despite being the only guy here to actually have beaten Goldberg. Jericho is busted. Nash and HHH had easily the worst Cell match ever earlier this year, ending any credibility that he had left. Apparently Shawn is really close to a lot of people. It’s a shame none of them are named Becca.

Shawn super kicks Nash leading to a Jericho rollup to get rid of him, just furthering the theory that he’s a jobber. HHH is next and in a cool spot he steps through the door and HBK kicks him in the face. HHH falls back into the pod, out cold. Nash, desperate to get injured so he gets more time off with pay I guess, jackknifes Jericho and Orton before leaving. It’s a shame that he couldn’t stay healthy as he’s certainly a decent worker, especially when he’s talking.

He gets a solid pop when he throws his hand in the air, so if nothing else the people still liked him. HHH looks like he’s taking a nap. Shawn is bleeding now too, so at least we’re getting some solid violence in this one. This match isn’t very good. It’s about half the length of the original if even that and it’s just not interesting. All anyone wanted to see was Goldberg and HHH, yet for no good reason, we got this. It’s a novelty and nothing more, and in this case it’s hurting things.

Back in 2002, it was great because it was new and flashy. It’s been a letdown since then and this match is a great example of that. I think a big part of last year being a success also was Shawn’s big moment, which really was cool when you think about it. I’m actually pretty bored right now watching this. I think it’s the lack of drama. Everyone knew that it was coming down to Goldberg and HHH, so why have the other four?

There are a bunch of combinations you could put those guys in, so why have the Chamber other than to bump up buyrates? Goldberg and HHH had the one on one showdown the next month, so it’s not like it was never going to happen. It makes little sense to me and it’s really hurting things because we have to wait 20 minutes before Goldberg is there and another 10 before he and HHH get into it.

What’s the point? Most of the rant is over but I reserve the right to come back to it later on which I likely am going to do. Yeah this is another reason it sucks. Right now and for the last 45 seconds or so, EVERYONE IS DOWN. Literally, we’re watching them lay there and try to get up. Dude I can go to my aunt’s house and watch people lay around and do nothing if that’s what I’m looking for. Why would you have a match based on a lot of action and then do nothing with it?

Who do you think you are, TNA? Of course since we get a fistfight, JR says it’s like Saturday night in some obscure Oklahoma town. Is there really nothing better to do in Oklahoma than get in bar fights and choke in big football games? Oh yeah apparently you can overeat and become the world’s most annoying announcer who does nothing but shout and be a big country boy.

I get that JR is a great announcer and he’s had some masterful moments, but DANG he’s just annoying most of the time. Some of the stuff that he says blows my mind with how annoying it is.

Man I want to just sit here and rant about him for the next few minutes but I guess that would be fairly boring, so instead I’ll continue rambling like this. Oh Goldberg is in and the fans have a pulse again. Good for them. JR says he’s hitting everything with a heartbeat. If that’s so, why isn’t he hitting the camera guys or himself?

Jericho and Shawn commit an ultimate sin and cause a sign of the apocalypse by teaming up to fight Goldberg. Orton gets the heck speared out of him to eliminate him and HHH has been down a LONG time now. Oh he’s up. I guess that’s this being a cowardly heel thing I’ve heard about so many times. I know it’s hard to believe but yes, the WWE does make their heels cowardly from time to time.

In the first really good spot of the match, Goldberg spears Jericho through the Plexiglas. That just looked and sounded awesome. Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Shawn gets speared. I don’t have a Becca joke here. Jackhammer ends him. Just before that he points at HHH and JR says it’s as if he’s saying you’re next to HHH. My oh my what a great phrase JR has coined. How does he EVER come up with these things?

Jericho gets the same combo platter so it’s now one on one but HHH is still in his pod. There’s no way to get him out, so Goldberg kicks and punches the door in. That’s actually really stupid but it was all he could do. Anyway, HHH gets completely destroyed as you would expect. HHH starts coming back so at least this isn’t a squash. The showdown lasts all of 3 minutes though as they go into the ring and Flair slips the hammer to HHH.

Goldberg goes for the spear but he gets a hammer into the head. After the match we get the Evolution beat down. JR says that it’s felonious assault. You know what, that’s so stupid I’m not even going to make fun of it. You Jim Ross, are annoying, plain and simple.

They handcuff him to the cage as JR is saying that they think Evolution doesn’t want to see Goldberg around here anymore. Really JR? Did you figure that all by yourself? Did you manage to tie your own shoes together too? I guess Vince and Linda must like each other since they have kids. HHH poses with the belt as we go off the air.

Rating: D, For reasons already given, this match just sucks and it sucks badly. Actually that makes no sense because it means it’s bad at being bad, making it good. Oh dang it I’m turning into JR. Where’s my Texas shirt when I need it? Anyway, this match was horrible.

It was about two guys and they were together for all of 4 minutes out of 18 the match went for. Last year it was anyone’s to win, even guys like Booker or RVD. This year, we knew it would be one of the two, so why should we care? Add onto that the dead time and Nash and this was just really bad.

Overall Rating: D+. This was really quite bad. There’s one very good match here with Brock and Kurt, but other than that everything is either bad or average at best. I liked the US Title match but for the way it was booked more than the match itself. This show is pretty bad, as was most of the WWE around this time.

Nothing of interest was going on and it wouldn’t until the young blood stepped up and took over next year with Benoit’s title reign and Edge coming back from his injury to fight Evolution. Batista would be back in about a month or so to complete the team, which was both good and bad but that’s a rant for a later time. I wouldn’t watch this again, but Brock and Kurt is definitely worth checking out. Other than that, stay away.

 

 

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Main Event
Date: July 29, 2021
Location: T-Mobile Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Kevin Patrick, Byron Saxton

The fans are back, but unfortunately it seems that the changes that had been taken place around here are not. Last week felt a lot like the Main Event days of old, which is far from exciting news. Normally I would say that I’m not surprised, but I really can’t say I am with this show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Jaxson Ryker vs. Drew Gulak

Ryker powers him into the corner to start so Gulak does it to him as well. Gulak’s slap to the face doesn’t seem to be the best idea as Ryker is back with a spinning slam. We hit the armbar on Gulak as we hear about Ryker’s military career again. Gulak switches into a cravate to hold Ryker down and it’s off to a cross arm choke. Ryker powers up into some ax handles to the chest and a release slingshot suplex drops Gulak again. The swinging Boss Man Slam finishes Gulak at 5:17.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would have expected from these two and that is not a great thing. Gulak is great at the technical stuff but Ryker is as generic of a power guy as you can find. Nothing to see here, but what else were they going to do in a five minute Main Event opener?

From Smackdown.

We start fast this week with John Cena starting us off in a hurry. He talks about how hyped up the fans are here and knows that Roman Reigns is coming. There is some sports news coming out of Cleveland today, which is why he has changed his middle name to Guardians (as did Cleveland’s baseball team). He has to protect the little respect that WWE has left because Roman Reigns is terrible as Universal Champion. We’re back live and that means we are on the way to Summerslam, which is a place for the fans to show what they believe in. Whose team are you on?

That gives us a loud CENA chant, so he asks if you’re on Team Jorts or Team Cargo Pants? Team Hustle, Loyalty and Respect or on a team no one respects? Cena wants to know where Reigns is, because at Summerslam, Reigns can’t see him. Let’s get Reigns out here, but here is Paul Heyman (McAfee: “Legend.”) instead. Heyman says Reigns isn’t coming out here, but Cena will get an answer tonight. Then, Cena will know that the Tribal Chief is here. Heyman then does You Can’t See Me and sings (I guess?) the tune of Cena’s song in something you have to see to appreciate/believe. Both guys were amazing here.

From Smackdown.

Here is Roman Reigns to answer John Cena’s challenge. The fans don’t seem thrilled to see him but he demands to be acknowledged. Cena acknowledged him at Money in the Bank but Reigns did not expect to see it. Reigns was expecting a new Cena but it was the same music, the same run to the ring, the same catchphrases and the same everything, just like it was 2005. Reigns: “It’s like missionary position. The same thing every day!”

That’s not how we do it at the head of the table and that’s not what we’re doing at Summerslam. The answer is no (makes sense, as Bobby Lashley said the same thing to Goldberg this week), but here is Finn Balor of all people to interrupt. Reigns wants Balor to acknowledge him, but that’s not why Balor is here. If Reigns says no to Cena’s challenge, how about Balor instead? Fans: “ROMAN’S SCARED!” Reigns: “Challenge accepted.”

We look back at Goldberg returning and challenging Bobby Lashley for Summerslam.

From Raw.

Here are Bobby Lashley and MVP to respond to Goldberg’s challenge (which Lashley already did on Twitter last week). MVP recaps the challenge and asks Lashley for his answer. Lashley isn’t going to dignify that with a response, but says this is his ring. Cue Cedric Alexander to say he didn’t like the disrespect when Lashley broke up the Hurt Business. Now it’s Shelton Benjamin coming out to say Alexander’s voice is annoying before challenging Lashley as well. Lashley says he’ll fight them both at once.

Bobby Lashley vs. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin

Non-title and Lashley runs them over to start. Cedric is sent outside, leaving Lashley to go after Benjamin. Back in and Cedric trips Lashley up, allowing Benjamin to hit a running knee. A springboard tornado DDT plants Lashley for a double two but he is back up with the spinebuster to Alexander. The spear cuts Benjamin down and it’s a Jackhammer to plant him again. The Dominator puts Alexander onto Benjamin for the double pin at 2:44.

Angel Garza vs. Humberto Carrillo

Again. Garza bails to the floor to start to give a fan his rose before heading back inside. That’s fine with Carrillo as he grabs a headlock but hold on as Garza teases….something as we take a break. Back with Garza ripping at the face and grabbing a waistlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and Carrillo is back with the springboard spinning crossbody for two. Carrillo grabs a chinlock before kicking Garza in the face for two more.

The abdominal stretch lets Carrillo pound away at the ribs but Garza slips out. A flapjack gives Garza two of his own and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence. Carrillo headscissors him down and rolls backwards into a standing moonsault for two. Garza superkicks him out of the air, TAKES OFF HIS PANTS, and hits the Wing Clipper for the pin at 8:13.

Rating: C. The more you look at these things, the more confusing it is to see Carrillo getting pushed over Garza. It has never made sense as Garza is overflowing with charisma. Maybe the whole ladies man thing is slowing him down, but it’s a lot better than Carrillo being the generic smiling guy. Carrillo is very smooth in the ring, but you need something more than that, which he is lacking.

We recap Nikki Ash winning the Women’s Title with the Money in the Bank contract.

From Raw.

Here is Nikki Ash to get things going. She finally gets to welcome us to Raw and talks about how she didn’t believe she could get here. Nikki has worked to get here and once she finally started believing in herself, she accomplished her goals. If she can do it, everyone can do it and we can all be almost superheroes. Cue Charlotte to talk about how last week wasn’t fair and she is getting her rematch at Summerslam. Charlotte knows that everyone is tired of having people better than them around but they need to get used to it.

Cue Rhea Ripley, now smiling and high fiving (a few) fans. Ripley talks about how Charlotte only held the title for a day and promising to win the title herself. Nikki asks why she is being left out and here are Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville to interrupt. The triple threat match is on, and we’ll throw in Nikki vs. Charlotte tonight as well. Charlotte jumps Ripley but gets knocked outside by Nikki, who stands tall. This didn’t do much about making Nikki feel important.

From Raw.

Charlotte vs. Nikki Ash

Non-title and Charlotte chops her into the corner to start. Charlotte goes after the mask and chokes on the ropes to keep Nikki in trouble. Nikki is sent outside, allowing Charlotte to ask if this is your champion. Back in and Nikki’s comeback is cut off in a hurry, as Charlotte fires off more chops. Some rollups give Nikki two each and a headscissors sends Charlotte outside. There’s a dropkick through the ropes but Charlotte throws her over the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with Nikki still in trouble so Charlotte can grab the chinlock. Nikki fights up and hits a quick crossbody for a breather so Charlotte misses a bit boot. The leg is snapped across the top but she blocks the sunset flip without much effort. There’s a bulldog for two on Charlotte but she chops Nikki into the corner. Nikki is sat on top, only to come back with a tornado DDT. Charlotte rolls through the high crossbody though and pins Nikki at 12:33.

Rating: D. What is there to say here? Nikki is trying to be a star and gets beaten down, with Charlotte selling absolutely nothing for most of the match. I’d like to think that this leads to Cross overcoming the odds at Summerslam and retaining, but that isn’t going to matter if this is what happens to her on the way. This was a long form squash and Charlotte reminded us of that every chance she could.

Post match Charlotte laughs at Nikki and grabs a mic to say no one is in her league. Nikki grabs the mic and says she knows she lost but she showed she ALMOST could have won. Therefore, Charlotte gets a rematch next week. Charlotte accepts and beats Nikki down again, yells some more, and drops her one more time to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Egads Raw is terrible. That’s the big story I got out of this, which says a lot when this is supposed to be the big highlight package show. Smackdown isn’t great but it’s better than Raw, which isn’t saying all that much. I would say hopefully Raw is going to get better but I think we can forget about that for the next….oh I’m thinking years or so at this point. Bad show, with Raw dragging things down even further.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 2, 2021
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

So remember last week when Nikki Ash got beat up by Charlotte but didn’t lose the Women’s Title? Then she talked about how she got close and wanted to do it again? Well tonight is her chance to prove that she is ALMOST good, because that’s the best we’re getting these days. Oh and Goldberg, because of course. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Might want to edit that WOO out of the opening these days people.

Here are MVP and Bobby Lashley for a chat. MVP is glad to have the fans back and knows they are all excited to see Goldberg. A few weeks ago, Goldberg challenged Lashley for the WWE Title but Lashley has yet to acknowledge the challenge. Goldberg is a legend who can destroy any man on any night, but Lashley is not just any man. MVP asks how Goldberg wants to….and here’s Goldberg to cut him off. Goldberg asks Lashley what kind of a gladiator he is. The first time Lashley saw Goldberg, Lashley thought he was a victim. Fans: “WE WANT WYATT!”

Goldberg lives by the spear and at Summerslam, Lashley dies by the spear. Goldberg leaves so MVP goes out to get in the face of Goldberg’s son. That brings Goldberg back out and the spear drops MVP. Goldberg: “You mess with my son, I’ll kill you!” The fans did not care about Goldberg here and it’s kind of hard to disagree. This whole thing feels forced and there isn’t much of a way around it.

Drew McIntyre vs. Veer/Shanky

Jinder Mahal is at ringside too. McIntyre gets sent shoulder first into the post to start and Shanky clotheslines him down. Veer comes in and gets clotheslined as well as McIntyre cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Claymore is loaded up, only to have Shanky grab the leg. Mahal comes in with the chair for the DQ at 2:57.

Post match The villains all grab chairs so McIntyre grabs the sword and cleans house. Shanky is left alone so McIntyre threatens to slice him to pieces before Shanky runs off.

Mahal and company run off, with Mahal saying karma is coming for McIntyre.

Post break, McIntyre says Mahal can pick the hospital the graveyard or the sword (which is named Angela).

Nia Jax vs. Rhea Ripley

Shayna Baszler is here with Jax. Ripley kicks her way out of the corner but staggers herself on a headbutt attempt. Jax gives her the real thing into the corner and posts Ripley for a bonus. Ripley gets crushed against the post and sent into the post again for a bonus. Jax’s running hip attack misses though and Ripley dive off the apron….and onto Baszler by mistake. The Samoan drop drives Ripley into the barricade though and we take a break. Back with Ripley fighting out of a torture rack and forearming away.

A springboard hurricanrana drops Jax again and she seems to be bleeding from the eye. There’s a kick to the face to make it worse and Ripley hits a missile dropkick for two. Jax misses the sitdown splash but manages to run Ripley over. The legdrop gets a lazy two as the right third of Jax’s face is covered in blood. Baszler gets on the apron for a distraction but drops down, only to have Jax charge once she is already on the floor. Ripley grabs the rollup pin at 8:35.

Rating: C. Jax wasn’t too bad here, though that was a heck of a nasty cut on the eye. Thankfully she was able to finish and seemed fine enough so it might not have been too bad. Ripley got the win, despite the pretty terrible timing at the end. At least they didn’t have Jax beat her somehow and it all could have been worse.

Post match Ripley goes to the floor as Jax yells at Baszler, who takes her jacket off. Baszler leaves and Ripley gets back in to kick Jax again. The Riptide leaves Jax laying.

Mace/T-Bar vs. Mustafa Ali/Mansoor

Rematch from last week where Ali and Mansoor won their debut as a team. Ali gets the very warm hometown reception but gets knocked outside hard to start. T-Bar blasts him with a clothesline on the floor and drops the top rope elbow for two on Mansoor. Back up and the hot tag brings in Ali so everything can break down. Mansoor and Ali hit stereo dives, leaving Ali to hit a tornado hanging DDT. The 450 is loaded up but T-Bar kicks Mansoor into the ropes to crotch Ali. The cyclone boot finishes Mansoor at 2:40. Ali only kind of loses in his hometown, and that’s the best result he could ask for here.

Post match Ali gets taken out by High Justice, just in case the fans were still ok.

We look back at Charlotte destroying Nikki Ash last week.

Here is Charlotte for a chat. She talks about Simone Biles backing out of most of the Olympic Games. After cutting off a Becky Lynch chant with promises that this is going somewhere, Charlotte talks about how Nikki Ash won the Women’s Title thanks to the Money in the Bank briefcase.

That had Charlotte ready to have her own mental breakdown as she walks to the floor and says cashing in Money in the Bank is theft. She has been cased in on THREE TIMES since the briefcase became a thing, and throws in a kendo stick, a broom and a chair. Last week, Charlotte beat Nikki in this ring, but Nikki wanted a rematch anyway. Charlotte punched her in the face like a loser and tonight, Nikki is sacrificing herself in a No Holds Barred match. Cue Nikki from behind to blasts Charlotte with a chair to send her running.

We look at Tamina beating Eva Marie/Doudrop in what amounted to a handicap match.

Eva Marie thinks Doudrop can be scary. She even asks where Doudrop is from but cuts off the answer to promise that Tamina will pay, just like Natalya did last week.

Doudrop vs. Tamina

Eva Marie is here with Doudrop and offers an early distraction. Tamina superkicks Doudrop anyway and hits the running hip attack in the corner. Eva’s distraction lets Doudrop get in a shot of her own and a bottom rope elbow gets two. Doudrop adds a backsplash to set up the chinlock, which is broken in a hurry. Tamina sends her into the corner and ducks the Eva suggested crossbody. The Samoan drop finishes Doudrop at 3:49.

Rating: D+. Yeah what else were you expecting here? The match was nothing but Tamina ran over Doudrop, even with Eva Marie helping, without much trouble. The Natalya injury is going to slow plans down a bit, but you are only going to get so far against Marie and Doudrop in the first place.

Post match Eva Marie and Tamina are annoyed so Alexa Bliss, with Lilly, pops up on screen to declare Eva the loser of the match. Laughter ensues.

We look back at Damian Priest beating Sheamus last week.

Riddle comes up to Priest to offer some congratulations. They exchange some pleasantries, with Priest wishing him luck tonight against Omos. Riddle warns him to watch out on MizTV, but Priest promises to be ready.

It’s time for MizTV with Miz being rather annoyed at what Damian Priest did last week. This brings out Priest with Miz bringing up that it was Priest who put him in a wheelchair. Miz and John Morrison didn’t last Priest going after Sheamus’ mask but Priest says they’re nuts. Sheamus wrestled hurt and that’s a bada** in his book. What is up with Miz’s knee though? Priest wants to know if the problem is between Miz’s legs, which has Miz threatening to slap him in the face.

Priest gets up and tells him to try it but Miz just looks terrified. Morrison gets up to say kids want to grow up and be like them, which Priest finds suspicious. The challenge is on, with Priest wanting to just fight right now. Morrison seems to accept but first Priest has to block the Drip Stick. After dropping Morrison, Priest sprays Miz for a bonus.

Damian Priest vs. John Morrison

Miz is at ringside as Priest kicks his way out of the corner to start. Priest heads to the apron for a kick to the head, followed by a top rope kick to the chest for two. Morrison’s kicks give him two of his own and it’s off to a crank on the arm. That’s broken up and Priest runs him over again, only to get Drip Sticked. Morrison gets in a cheap shot for two but Priest takes him down again. The South of Heaven chokeslam gives Priest the pin at 4:02.

Rating: C-. This is the formula you can follow with ease, as Priest gets another win on his way towards the likely Summerslam title match. Priest is a big guy with some good physical gifts and they let him show those off here. Another short match which did what it was supposed to do, with the Drip Stick appearance as a bonus.

Post match here is Sheamus to jump Priest but Ricochet runs in for the save.

Sheamus/John Morrison vs. Ricochet/Damian Priest

Joined in progress with Ricochet fighting back, including a springboard crossbody to Sheamus. There’s a Lionsault to give Ricochet two more but Sheamus knocks him off the top for a crash to the floor. Back in and Sheamus hammers on Ricochet’s back before handing it to Morrison. A German suplex gets Ricochet out of trouble and it’s back Priest, for a backbreaker to drop Morrison. South of Heaven connects for two with Sheamus having to make a save. A clothesline puts Sheamus on the floor so Ricochet moonsaults onto him. That leaves Morrison to get pulled into the Reckoning for the pin at 3:49.

Rating: C. More of the same from the previous match as Ricochet and Sheamus add enough to the match to keep things interesting. Sheamus vs. Priest is going to be a showdown and Ricochet….well at least he got on Raw. Morrison and Miz can be slotted in with anyone, but I’m not exactly seeing a future between them and Ricochet.

Bobby Lashley accepts Goldberg’s challenge for Summerslam and hopes Goldberg’s son is there to watch the beating.

Riddle vs. Omos

There is no AJ Styles here as Omos shoves Riddle into the corner before the bell. We officially start with Riddle being sent outside and then over the barricade. Riddle gets back in at nine but gets sent back to the apron and then knocked to the floor again. Back in again and Riddle hits a few jumping knees, including a springboard version which doesn’t drop Omos. A clothesline drops Riddle though and the chokebomb finishes at 2:33.

Alexa Bliss claims Lilly influenced Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer but Doudrop blasts Bliss with a chair. Eva Marie says Lilly is gross and the two leave. Lilly sits up on her own.

Karrion Kross promises more violence.

Karrion Kross vs. Keith Lee

Non-title rematch from last week. Lee powers him into the corner to start but Grizzly Magnum doesn’t get to launch. Instead, Kross chops and knees away, only to get shouldered down a few times. Lee gets sent to the apron but comes back in with a slingshot crossbody, because of course he can. Kross kicks him in the face though and it’s an exploder suplex into the corner. They head outside with another suplex sending Lee into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Kross hitting a clothesline but Lee elbows him in the face. Now the Grizzly Magnum can connect and Lee gets to run him over. The Spirit Bomb is blocked but so is the Doomsday Saito. Instead Kross hits him in the head and grabs the Krossjacket but Lee powers out. The Spirit Bomb gives Lee the clean pin at 9:24.

Rating: C. So Kross loses, then wins, the loses, while Lee loses, then loses, then wins. This is a good example of what fans mean when they talk about 50/50 booking, but at least Lee isn’t being treated as a total loser anymore. It’s still a weird way to go, but I can go with Lee winning. Kross….I have no idea what they’re doing here, as the losing streak without Scarlett made sense, at least until he won last week.

Rhea Ripley thinks tonight’s main event will be brutal but she’s coming for the Women’s Title at Summerslam.

24/7 Title: Reggie vs. Akira Tozawa

Reggie is defending and we get an inset promo from him, explaining that he went with the French thing to get his foot in the door. Now he is the champion so he can be himself. I can actually go with that. We start with a mini dance off until Tozawa misses a kick to the face. Reggie gets low bridged to the apron, where he moonsaults to freedom. Tozawa misses a charge into the barricade as Reggie keeps running away with the greatest of ease. Back in and Tozawa calls upon NINJA POWER but gets knocked down again. The running flipping seated senton retains the title at 2:02.

Nikki Ash isn’t sure what to expect in a No Holds Barred match but she’ll give it everything she has. If she wins, she can prove that anyone can be almost a superhero.

Nikki Ash vs. Charlotte

Non-title and No Holds Barred. Ash (who has changed gear from earlier) starts fast and hits a quick crossbody for two but Charlotte is back up to send her into the corner. The backbreaker into the Downward Spiral into the corner has Ash in more trouble and it’s time to throw her outside. Charlotte rants about how there will be no more cashing in on her and clears off the announcers’ table.

The fans want tables and Charlotte pulls one out to the reaction of the night. Ash manages a quick posting but Charlotte shoves her down again as Rhea Ripley is watching backstage. The BECKY chants start up again so Charlotte tells the fans to suck it (sans gestures). Charlotte spears Nikki through the barricade as this is mostly one sided so far. Back with Charlotte hitting a boot to the face for two, only because she pulls Ash up. Charlotte grabs a chair but gets baseball slided in the face.

That lets Ash get in a good ten whole second of offense until Charlotte takes her down again. The fans want CM Punk but settle for Charlotte countering another crossbody off the apron into a powerbomb through the announcers’ table. Back in and Charlotte slowly puts her foot on the chest for two and can’t believe Ash is doing this. A missed spear sends Charlotte through the table in the corner and Ash gets two. Ash grabs a hanging swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 14:34.

Rating: C-. Well…..it was better for Nikki than I was expecting. She did get the pin on her own and that’s quite the surprise. This actually gets Nikki somewhere and makes her feel like something of a threat for once. As for the match itself, it was a hard hitting beating, as it should have been. Charlotte partially beat herself, but Nikki hit a big move and won after Charlotte cost herself the win, so this could have been much, much worse.

Ash celebrates in the crowd to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was an improvement over recent weeks, but that’s not exactly saying much. There was nothing on here as horribly bad, but overall it was pretty boring. The first half hour focused on Goldberg and Jinder Mahal and was followed by a bunch of uninspiring stuff. The biggest problem with this show was that it was boring, which is often worse than being bad. There were some good parts, but this isn’t a show that would make me want to come back next week. One good idea was to keep things moving out there, as a long and boring match can be crippling to a show. Not good, but a step up over recent efforts.

Results
Drew McIntyre b. Veer/Shanky via DQ when Jinder Mahal interfered
Rhea Ripley b. Nia Jax – Rollup
Mace/T-Bar b. Mansoor/Mustafa Ali – Cyclone boot to Mansoor
Tamina b. Doudrop – Samoan drop
Damian Priest b. John Morrison – South of Heaven
Damian Priest/Ricochet b. John Morrison/Sheamus – Reckoning to Morrison
Omos b. Riddle – Chokebomb
Keith Lee b. Karrion Kross – Spirit Bomb
Reggie b. Akira Tozawa – Running flipping seated senton
Nikki Ash b. Charlotte – Hanging swinging neckbreaker

 

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Main Event
Date: July 22, 2021
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Kevin Patrick, Byron Saxton

We’re back to the low slow this week and that could mean more than a few things. I’m curious to see how much this show has changed now that the fans are back to energize the company, which should be a nice thing to see for a change. Then again, I’m almost scared to see what we could be getting again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Angel Garza vs. Drew Gulak

They grapple around to start with Gulak getting the better of things off a headlock. Garza slips out and takes Gulak down instead, setting up a quick chinlock. Back up and Gulak hits a slam into a clothesline for two as frustration is setting in. It’s time to start kicking away at Garza’s knee and we hit a wacky hold to put Garza in more trouble. Garza fights up and hits a flapjack, followed by the running forearm. That’s enough for Garza to TAKE OFF HIS PANTS and the Wing Clipper finishes Gulak at 5:20.

Rating: C-. Garza was wrestling as a face here and it was working rather well. I’m not sure why we have never gotten an extended good guy run from him, but it is not likely to happen when he barely ever gets a run of any kind in the first place. Garza continues to be a hidden gem and Gulak can work with anyone, so it is no surprise that they are regularly featured around here.

We look at Nikki Ash winning the Women’s Money in the Bank match.

From Smackdown, a rarity on a post pay per view Main Event.

Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Carmella

Belair is defending and gets a rather strong reaction. A running shoulder puts Carmella down to start but she sends Belair hard into the corner for two. That earns Carmella a running shoulder into the ribs but she manages to post Bianca and we take a break. Back with Belair grabbing a suplex for two and going up, only to have to block what looked like a Stratusphere attempt.

A super hurricanrana brings Belair down for two instead and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence. Carmella grabs a guillotine choke but Belair powers her up for another suplex for two more. With nothing else working, Carmella grabs the hair and takes Belair outside for a whipping. Back in again and Carmella misses the superkick, setting up the hair whip. The KOD retains the title at 11:04.

Rating: C. This was a good way to get Belair in front of a crowd and the reaction was worth the wait. Carmella wasn’t going to be a huge challenger and it was fine to have her out there in a completely acceptable match. Now Smackdown can build up someone else for Belair, though I’m really not sure who that can be outside of bringing someone back in.

Quick look at the Usos and Roman Reigns dominating at Money in the Bank, though that John Cena fellow could be a problem.

From Raw.

Here is John Cena to get things going as they’re starting fast tonight. Cena says he can still see some people coming in so come on down. After acknowledging a kid’s “I’m turning 11 and I’m here to see John Cena” sign, Cena says he missed us. Cena talks about what a group effort Raw is and how he was here last night for the end of Money in the Bank.

Paul Heyman panicked, Roman Reigns didn’t know what he was supposed to do, Michael Cole was really happy and Pat McAfee still didn’t know where Cena was. Cena is back for Reigns and he thinks about five weeks from now in Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, Nevada sounds like a safe bet. He could talk about how important Summerslam is and how great it would be to win his seventeenth World Title, but it is a lot simpler than that: “Roman Reigns is an a******.” (WWE censored it too this time).

Reigns is an overhyped gimmick who isn’t as great as he says he is, “and that’s coming from ME”. Cena asks to hear the fans a bit more and says the saying goes if they’re great, the people will tell you. He’s going to be at Smackdown on Friday and he’ll see Reigns there. Cue Riddle and it’s time for a Bro Off (WWE version, not the Impact version).

Toni Storm is heading to Smackdown.

Bobby Lashley destroyed Kofi Kingston at Money in the Bank.

From Raw.

Keith Lee vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title, though Graves suggested it was a title match before the bell. The GOLDBERG chants start us off as they shove each other around to start. Lee powers him around but the Spirit Bomb is countered into a Downward Spiral. A running clothesline puts Lee on the floor but Lashley can’t lift him up for the ram into the post.

Instead Lee splashes him against the post but an MVP distraction lets Lashley knock Lee off the apron. The spear cuts Lee in half and Lashley hammers away back inside. The Hurt Lock is blocked though and Lashley gets flipped over. That’s fine with Lashley, who hits a spinebuster to take him down again. Another spear gives Lashley the pin at 5:53.

Rating: C-. So much for that, as this was little more than a squash for Lashley. Lee got in a few shots here and there but then he lost in less than six minutes. I’m not sure what he is going to do from here, but this is not exactly something that gives me hope for Lee’s future. Not the worst match, just rather disappointing.

Post match Lashley poses so here is the expected Goldberg return. Goldberg says he’s next and Lashley is ready but MVP holds them apart.

Post break, MVP says they aren’t acknowledging the return.

Cedric Alexander vs. Ricochet

They start fast with Ricochet dropkicking him down and hitting a backdrop, setting up the Eddie Dance of all things. Alexander catches him on the apron though and hits a hard clothesline as we take a break. Back with Alexander hammering away and kicking him in the back for two. The chinlock goes on, followed by a dropkick to give Alexander two more

Ricochet fights up but a knee to the ribs cuts that off in a hurry. A facebuster into a neckbreaker works better for Ricochet and there’s a hard clothesline. Alexander hits an awkward tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but the Lumbar Check (Alexander: “LUMBAR CHECK!”) is countered into a Canadian Destroyer. The Recoil finishes Alexander at 7:47.

Rating: C+. As usual, these two were working hard out here and that’s what you know you’re getting from them. It’s still nice to see someone giving all of their effort out there in a match that no one is going to see, though it makes more sense with the actual people in attendance. Good match here, even if the time was against them.

From Raw.

Here is Charlotte for her big celebration of winning the title again. Rhea Ripley can rip off as many of Charlotte’s moves as she wants, but Charlotte won the title anyway. After explaining that Becky Lynch isn’t here because she’s at home taking care of her baby, Charlotte brags about all of the congratulations that she has received and talks about how she has won eleven women’s titles (at least they’re keeping it at main roster singles titles this time). She can beat Rhea Ripley any time so here is Rhea to say she wants the rematch tonight.

Charlotte says no, so Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville come out to make the match for tonight anyway. Charlotte kicks out Rhea’s knee and leaves. Somehow, this took nearly ten minutes instead of “due to her actions in the title match, Charlotte will be defending against Ripley in a rematch, per orders from Pearce and Deville” taking fifteen seconds to start the show.

And from Raw again.

Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and gets faceplanted to start. A whip into the corner has Charlotte shaken up again but she comes back with right hands to the face. Ripley shrugs them off and snaps off a German suplex, setting up a running basement dropkick for two. They head outside with Charlotte hitting a chop block to the bad knee, sending us to a break. Back with Charlotte taking the knee out again and crushing it on the mat.

Ripley manages a northern lights suplex but Charlotte boots her in the face. The moonsault hits raised knees though and Ripley grabs her own Figure Four. Charlotte turns that over for the break but Ripley hits a superkick into the Riptide for two as Charlotte gets a foot on the rope. That’s enough for Charlotte, who tries to walk out, only to hit Ripley in the face with the title for the DQ at 12:24.

Rating: C. I was watching this match and wondering if putting the title back on Ripley here would make up for last night, but then the ending was hardly the biggest surprise. WWE does not seem interesting in having Ripley be a big prop for Charlotte and little more. But hey, at least Ripley “beat” her here, right?

Post match Ripley jumps Charlotte again and lays her out….and we have a cash-in!

Women’s Title: Nikki Ash vs. Charlotte

Nikki is challenging and a high crossbody gives her the title in 10 seconds.

Nikki celebrates in the crowd to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was one of the easier Main Events to watch in a long time, as they flew through the good stuff from Raw and even threw in some Smackdown for a bonus. Getting Raw down to about twenty minutes is as good of a thing as you can do anymore and this show wound up being a lot easier to watch as a result. Now why can’t they do that on Mondays?

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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It was my understanding that there would be no math.

 

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/kbs-review-27-11-16-woo/

Wrestlemania XXXVI Night One
Date: April 4, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
Host: Rob Gronkowski

Sweet goodness that does not feel right. I’m not sure what to expect tonight because WWE didn’t feel the need to tell us what was going to be taking place on either night. This show is going to have about a hundred asterisks in the history books and that’s perfectly fine, but it doesn’t make things any less disappointing (not that it’s WWE’s fault). Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cesaro vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak takes him down by the arm to start but Cesaro powers up with a backbreaker to get out of trouble. That earns him a LeBell Lock (which Cole calls a Crossface, missing the point of the move almost entirely) to send Cesaro outside so Gulak dives on him for a bonus. Back in and Cesaro’s arm gets snapped across the top rope and a clothesline puts him on the floor again. Cesaro gets sent into the steps but he’s able to uppercut Gulak out of the air back inside for two. The Neutralizer can’t work but Cesaro uses the left arm uppercut and goes with a (no hands) spinning torture rack slam for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C. Just a match here and it did well enough with the warmup stuff, though my goodness it’s going to be a rough couple of nights. The lack of crowd reaction is going to hurt things a lot but that was always going to be the case. They were a little more energized than usual, but Cole on his own and nothing else as far as noise is going to make for some tough going.

Stephanie McMahon welcomes us to the show to explain that we are on a closed set with no audience. Tonight, they are going to be making people happy, because this is Wrestlemania. There’s your first WWE pat on the back of the night.

Instead of an original version of America the Beautiful, we get a montage of versions of the song played at previous Wrestlemanias. That’s a good one at least.

The opening video goes into the full pirate theme but the narrator says hang on a second because this is too cliched. Instead, he walks us through everything included, such as shots of heroes and catchphrases. It turns into a regular trailer, complete with the same narrator telling us to forget everything we know coming into tonight. Fate leads the way and fate has a funny way of surprising us. We go into For Those About To Rock for a better intro. I love pirate movies so this worked well for me.

Rob Gronkowski welcomes us to the show and says he’s the right man for the job because he knows how to start a thirty hour party. Mojo Rawley comes in to take some chops and it’s time to go to the ring.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Kabuki Warriors vs. Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross

The Warriors are defending for the first time since mid December. Asuka laughs at Bliss to start and it’s off to Sane before anything happens. Kairi knocks Bliss down and messes with her bow so it’s a slap to the face, allowing Bliss to mess with Kairi’s hair for a change. It’s off to Cross for a running basement dropkick but Sane powers her into the corner. Asuka comes in and gets forearmed in the chest as everything breaks down.

Nikki dives off the apron to take out Sane, meaning it’s time for a hug back inside. Back in and Nikki sends Sane to the floor, only to have her dropkick through the ropes cut off. Cross gets taken into the corner but manages a sunset flip for two, setting up the tag to Bliss. That’s fine for Sane, who hits an Alberto top rope double stomp for her own two. Asuka works on an armbar but her bulldog is broken up.

Not that it matters as a kick to the face drops Bliss for two more. Bliss gets up and avoids a charge, allowing the hot tag to Cross to pick up the pace. Sane rakes her eyes but Asuka walks into the Purge. The Insane Elbow breaks up the cover though and they’re both down again. Cross goes for a rollup but gets pulled into the Asuka Lock.

That’s broken up with Twisted Bliss but Sane Intercepts Bliss to put everyone down. Cross catches Sane on top but gets caught in a powerbomb/top rope forearm combination for a rather near fall. Back up and Cross hits the Purge to drop Sane, setting up Twisted Bliss for the pin and the titles at 15:03.

Rating: C. This could have been worse but it went on a good bit too long. The title change was supposed to be a feel good moment but when the titles have never meant anything beyond their first few weeks, the impact isn’t really there. Cross was pushed as the star of the match and it was fine enough, though I have no faith in the futures of the titles.

The Artist Collective have a plan for Daniel Bryan.

Elias vs. King Corbin

Hold on though as Corbin shows us a clip of his attempted murder of Elias last week so Corbin demands a forfeit. Cue Elias to break the guitar over Corbin’s back and a good posting so we can get started. Elias elbows him down for one and a swinging neckbreaker gets the same. Corbin gets in a toss to the floor though and Elias is sent shoulder first into the post. Some elbows to the shoulder keep Elias down as Cole tries to make this story sound intense.

Corbin shouts at commentary a lot and then sends Elias shoulder first into the post again. Elias manages to reverse a whip to send Corbin’s shoulder into the post though and it’s time for a breather. Some clubberin in the corner puts Corbin down but he grabs Deep Six for two. Elias knees him in the face for two more but Corbin rolls away before the top rope elbow launches. An uppercut lets Corbin put his feet on the ropes for two so Elias grabs a rollup with tights for the pin at 8:53.

Rating: D. Raw style match here and that’s not the best thing in the world. It was fine for a revenge match as Elias was aggressive but pinning Corbin is more damaging to him than pin. That being said, Elias being launched off a ten foot high balcony is just an eight day injury now? Come on already.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler. Lynch has been Raw Women’s Champion for a year now and has beaten everyone there is to beat but Baszler won a triple threat match, also including Bayley, at Survivor Series. Baszler was unstoppable in NXT and bit Becky’s neck to draw a lot of blood. Then she ran through the Elimination Chamber to earn the title shot in the most obvious result in years. Becky has been trying to play mind games but Baszler is such a killer that she doesn’t seem too bothered.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler

Becky is defending and drives her semi truck to the arena for her big entrance. Baszler wastes no time in going for the Kirifuda Clutch but Becky is outside in a hurry. Baszler follows but Becky sends her into the steps a few times and Baszler is banged up early. Back in and Becky hits her missile dropkick, setting up a beating in the corner. It’s too early for the Disarm-Her though and Becky has to get out of the Kirifuda Clutch.

A spinebuster into a double underhook spinning faceplant gets two and Becky is sent to the apron. They slug it out until a Rock Bottom onto the apron plants Baszler. A powerbomb into the cross armbreaker has Becky in trouble until she stacks Baszler up for two. That’s reversed into the Disarm-Her on Becky, followed by a knee to the face for another near fall.

Becky goes to the apron and gets in a Stunner over the ropes, setting up a quickly broken Disarm-Her over the ropes. Baszler reverses that into an even more quickly broken Kirifuda Clutch to send Becky outside. This time Baszler follows her out and swings Becky head first into the announcers’ table like she did on Raw. Back in and the standing version of the Clutch goes on but Becky flips backwards into a cradle to retain at 8:42.

Rating: B-. Uh….ok then. I have no idea why they need to keep the title on Becky at the moment as she has literally held the title for a year and is getting close to the modern record. I’m not sure what the point is in keeping it on her here as the only thing left is a submission match with Baszler or a one on one match with Rousey, which doesn’t seem likely. Good match, but pretty confusing result.

Undertaker is getting a limited series on the WWE Network. Makes sense given the upcoming 30 year mark.

Intercontinental Title: Sami Zayn vs. Daniel Bryan

Zayn is defending with Cesaro, Shinsuke Nakamura and Drew Gulak all at ringside. Sami hits the very long pause button to start and Bryan finally gives chase, allowing Cesaro to cut Bryan off. They do the same thing again but this time it’s Nakamura playing Cesaro’s role. Gulak and Cesaro get into a fight on the floor until Gulak sends Nakamura over the barricade. Gulak nearly gets in a fight with Sami for the DQ but Bryan finally chases Sami down on the ramp.

Bryan starts in on the leg as Sami loudly begs off, only to be sent outside. That means a heck of a suicide dive, followed by a running dropkick in the corner for a bonus. Some knees to the face have Sami rocked but he scores with some forearms to slow Bryan down. Bryan fights back up but Cesaro and Nakamura jump Gulak. That earns them a double suicide dive, allowing Sami to kick Bryan out of the air for the surprise pin at 9:20.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with another surprising finish. Sami is a rather good choice for the cocky champion who keeps surviving and after everything he’s done over the years, I like the idea of letting him have the title for a bit. Throw in the issue of Bryan possibly self quarantining and there was little reason to switch the title here. Well other than the idea of Bryan facing a challenger of the week in one great match after another.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Jimmy Uso vs. Kofi Kingston vs. John Morrison

Morrison is defending for his team in a ladder match. Some monkey flips don’t work to start so everyone goes to the floor to grab a ladder each. Jimmy gets knocked down first and comes up holding his leg. Morrison stomps both of them down on the mat but has to fight off the SOS onto the ladder. Trouble in Paradise misses as well and it’s Kofi vs. Jimmy slugging it out on top.

That goes nowhere so Morrison takes Kofi’s place, leaving Kofi to springboard through the ladder…and then get caught and dumped to the floor. Morrison puts a ladder over the middle rope and climbs to the top of the post for a corkscrew Swanton onto Jimmy onto the ladder. The climb takes too long though and it’s Kofi springboarding in for a hurricanrana to take Morrison down in a unique spot.

A running dive over the top takes down Morrison and the ladder and they’re all down on the floor. Back in and Morrison hits the super Spanish Fly on Kofi, followed by the Superfly Splash from Jimmy. Kofi headbutts Morrison off the top of the ladder before diving off the top with the double stomp to Morrison’s chest. Jimmy slides in another ladder and wedges it inside the standing ladder.

A HARD whip sends Kofi face first into the bridged ladder and Morrison gets superkicked out of the air. Jimmy goes up but Morrison shoves the ladder over, sending Jimmy down for the big crash (it was such a drop that he changed directions after landing). Kofi catches Morrison on top for the slugout but here’s Jimmy with another ladder to put all three up at once. They all pull the title hook down at once and it’s a triple headbutt to knock Morrison down with the titles to retain at 18:36.

Rating: B. This felt like a good ladder match that would have made it into a great one had it been in front of a crowd. What we got was good enough though and the dives and landings were rather awesome. I liked this more than almost anything else but my goodness it’s hard to watch them land like this with no one being there to watch. Good match, but sad in its way.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins. Seth has turned into the Monday Night Messiah but Owens doesn’t think much of him. They both had teams built up but the AOP is sidelined due to Rezar’s injury and Samoa Joe is suspended. Therefore, it’s one on one with the idea that Owens has never had a Wrestlemania moment. That’s not quite how history works, but it’s what we’re getting.

Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens

Rollins is in white but the glove has been some king of Tiger King referenced. Owens slugs away to start and hits a backsplash to put Rollins on the floor in a hurry. A backdrop onto the apron has Owens in trouble and a Falcon Arrow onto the apron makes it even worse. The suicide dive is broken up with a right hand but Rollins is fine enough to hit the Sling Blade.

Owens hits a DDT to get a breather and the Swanton connects for two. The Pop Up Powerbomb misses and so does the Stunner, allowing Rollins to hit an enziguri. Owens blasts him with a clothesline though and it’s a double knockdown. Rollins is up first and hits some superkicks to set up the Stomp, only to get reversed into the Pop Up sitout Powerbomb for two. They head outside with Rollins hitting him with the bell….and that’s a DQ at 10:09.

Hold on though as Owens says Rollins isn’t much of a god if that’s the best he can do. Owens wants to continue it No DQ so Rollins is back in to knee him in the head as the bell rings. Rollins throws him to the floor and the steps bounce off of Owens’ head, followed by a chair to the back. Owens bells him in the head a few times (it rings even if you hit someone with the board underneath it) and then climbs the sign for a huge backsplash to send Rollins through the announcers’ table. They stagger back inside for the Stunner to finish Rollins at 17:26 (counting the break in the middle).

Rating: C. I wasn’t big on this match in the first place and the whole Owens has never had a Wrestlemania Moment deal is still stupid but at least they didn’t stick with the DQ. This feud has lost almost all of the steam that it had in the first place so hopefully it’s done here. Granted when you don’t have much of a TV show to lord over, you’re not going to be the best messiah in the world.

Mojo and Gronk talk about how great the show is when R-Truth comes up to complain about how hard everything is. Gronk knocks him down and Mojo gets the title back. Notice the completely fine announcers’ table in the background.

Paul Heyman scares Charly Caruso but says Drew McIntyre is the one who should be afraid. In 24 hours, McIntyre is being exposed as a fraud and he can crawl out of the ring, victimized and conquered.

We preview tomorrow’s matches.

Smackdown World Title: Braun Strowman vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is defending. Strowman can’t get the powerslam and it’s a pair of spears to drop him in the first minute. Make it three straight for two and then a fourth cuts Strowman down again. Strowman counters the Jackhammer into the powerslam and then another one and then a third and then a big running fourth for the pin and the title at 2:13. You could have gone either way but it’s better to have someone actually active instead of Goldberg. Strowman as champion is about two years overdue, but I can’t imagine this lasts very long.

Wrestlemania XXXVII is in Los Angels.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Undertaker, which is all about AJ not being impressed by the modern Undertaker. He has called out Undertaker’s real life family and Undertaker has been acting more like BikerTaker than the Deadman as they head into a Boneyard match.

Undertaker vs. AJ Styles

They are in a graveyard for this one and there goes the gong as a hearse pulls up to the gate. The casket is pulled out by some druids and it’s AJ inside for a good surprise. Undertaker rides in on the motorcycle to Metallica and AJ talks about Michelle McCool digging the grave. Undertaker goes after him so AJ grabs a rock, only to get sent into an open casket. Undertaker punches through a window and cuts his arm open but throws AJ on top of the hearse anyway.

Some right hands knock him off the hearse and Undertaker has a seat while asking if AJ wants more. After Undertaker quotes Clubber Lang (“You want some more? I got a lot more.”), AJ throws some leaves in his face and gets in a low blow. Undertaker stands up after some right hands and knocks AJ down again, this time into a grave. Cue the OC as this has turned into a western.

A bunch of light comes out of a building and the walls come down to reveal a bunch of masked men. They surround Undertaker and do the eternally brilliant thing of attacking him one at a time. With that taken care of, Anderson and Gallows jump Undertaker but he isn’t about to be hit with a shovel. Instead Undertaker takes it back and beats them down, allowing AJ to break a tombstone over his back.

AJ hammers away and calls him an old man but breaks his fingers on Undertaker’s head. They fight through a wall and both lay on the ground sound like they’re dead. AJ says Undertaker is nothing but Undertaker flips him off and says come on. A shovel over the back puts Undertaker down in a grave and AJ goes to the machine with a barrel of dirt. Then a light shows up behind him and Undertaker pops up to beat on him some more. AJ climbs up a well placed ladder to get on the roof of the barn, so Undertaker makes flames come up to keep him in place.

Anderson and Gallows are up there too, with Gallows being thrown off. Anderson gets Tombstoned onto the metal roof and Undertaker chokeslams AJ off the roof. Undertaker climbs down and asks AJ what his wife’s name is now. They’re just getting started as Undertaker carries him over to the grave. AJ apologizes so Undertaker picks him up and says AJ put up a great fight. Undertaker hugs him and says most people wouldn’t have given him that kind of a fight. Undertaker turns to leave….and then knocks AJ into the grave. Undertaker gets in the machine and pours the dirt on AJ for the win at about 18:30.

Rating: A+. I don’t know what else you could have wanted from this match. This went so far beyond anything resembling sane or rational and went into complete insanity territory, making it one of the most entertaining things I can remember WWE doing in a LONG time. Of course it’s not good but that’s the point. This was entertaining, and that’s a lot more than you are going to get out of most Undertaker matches these days. Watch this and be prepared to laugh quite a bit, because it’s like Final Deletion but with production value.

AJ’s hand sticks out of the dirt as Undertaker gets on his bike. He throws up the fist so more fire comes up on the building and the Undertaker symbol lights up to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I’m really not sure how to grade this one but I liked some parts of it well enough. The problem really is in the atmosphere, as the show feels so weak that there isn’t much that can be praised. The people were working hard and I feel so bad for them to not get their big Wrestlemania stadium experience. What we got was fun at points, but the lack of crowd energy or big show feeling made it more of a chore to watch at times. It definitely has its moments though, and I didn’t hate it by any means. Check out the main event for sure though, probably with some friends to watch with you, and have a good time.

Results

Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross b. Kabuki Warriors – Twisted Bliss to Sane

Elias b. King Corbin – Rollup with tights

Becky Lynch b. Shayna Baszler – Rollup

Sami Zayn b. Daniel Bryan – Helluva Kick

John Morrison b. Kofi Kingston and Jimmy Uso – Morrison pulled down the titles

Kevin Owens b. Seth Rollins – Stunner

Braun Strowman b. Goldberg – Running powerslam

Undertaker b. AJ Styles – Undertaker buried Styles

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Killian Dain, Sin Cara, Luke Harper, Kalisto, Sami Zayn, R-Truth, Chad Gable, Konnor, Braun Strowman, Curt Hawkins, Apollo Crews, Titus O’Neil, Curtis Axel, Goldust, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Big Show, Simon Gotch, Aiden English, Tyler Breeze, Heath Slater, Epico, Bo Dallas, Fandango, Big Show, Rhyno, Primo, Viktor, Jason Jordan, Tian Bing, Jey Uso, Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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