Smackdown
Date: October 31, 2014
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips

We’re onto a new set of new stories for a change now with a focus on Cena vs. the Authority and Ambrose vs. Wyatt. That isn’t the best pair of stories in the world but we’re stuck with this until we get to the Rumble and the wrestling actually matters to the company anymore. It’s also Halloween so hopefully things aren’t all that campy tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with….Vince. He tells us about the big news from the conference call: November is a free month of the WWE Network (for new subscribers), meaning Survivor Series is a free show. That’s quite the incentive and the lack of a commitment should help them in the long run.

Battle Royal

Paige (Summer Rae), Natalya (Queen of Hearts), Naomi (paratrooper), Summer Rae (schoolgirl nerd), Layla (clown), Emma (Tarzan), Rosa Mendes (zombie nurse), Cameron (cop), Alicia Fox (firewoman), Nikki Bella (cat)

They’re in costumes of course and the winner gets a Divas Title shot so AJ is on commentary. We get a video from earlier today of Brie dressed as Daniel Bryan but Nikki sending her to get her Louis Vaton bag in San Antonio. Naomi quickly kicks Rosa out to the floor and Natalya kicks out Summer (AJ: “There goes the sexy D-Von Dudley.”).

Emma gets tossed as well as Layla pulls the stuffing out Paige’s top. That earns her an elimination before Cameron and Naomi go out one after another. We’re down to Natalya, Paige, Nikki and Fox but Alicia quickly kicks Natalya out. Fox dumps Paige but eliminates herself in the process, giving Nikki the win at 2:43.

Here are Kane, Rollins and the Stooges for a chat. Kane loves this time of year because he gets to torment little kids but the fun keeps going into November with Survivor Series. Tonight though it’s Ambrose vs. Cesaro in a Trick or Street Fight but Rollins thinks Bray Wyatt might interrupt. If that happens though, Dean will fall just like he did on Sunday inside the Cell. Rollins laughs at the YOU SOLD OUT chants before taking the focus back to Survivor Series. Who could Cena possibly get on his team? Who would be willing to team with him against the Authority and risk their careers in the process? Kane can think of one man so get out here Dolph Ziggler.

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title again. Ziggler dropkicks the knee but the DDT is countered with Kane just throwing Dolph down. A clothesline gets two for Kane but Dolph avoids an elbow drop. Back up and Kane uppercuts Dolph off the top and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Kane missing a big boot and taking a Fameasser for two. Jamie Noble gets on the apron for a distraction though, allowing the big boot to connects for another two count. The chokeslam is countered into a sunset flip just like Monday but Kane pops up. Ziggler’s Stinger Splash is caught in the chokeslam for the pin at 8:27.

Rating: D+. Kane. Beat Dolph Ziggler. Clean. In 2014. I’m sure this has nothing to do with Ziggler saying legends can’t just come in and get handed big matches at Wrestlemania earlier this week. If that’s true, and given the company’s track record it wouldn’t be all that shocking, WWE needs to get over itself already.

Post match Kane hits another chokeslam and makes Ziggler vs. Rollins.

Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler

Curb Stomp, 23 seconds.

Heath Slater vs. Ryback

Slater is a scarecrow. He hammers away with right hands but loses his fake hand so it’s time for air guitar. Ryback plants him with a spinebuster, setting up the Meathook and Shell Shock for the pin at 1:28.

The Exotic Express is looking for people to party with and find Goldust, Stardust, Sin Cara as a Ninja Turtle and R-Truth as a ghost. Truth asks what it’s like to have the Bunny upstage Rose all the time and thinks Adam should have been the Bunny for Halloween. Rose laughs it off so Truth gives him a rock. The Bunny hops around Rose and that’s it. If there was a point here, I must not be smart enough to get it.

Time for MizTV with Miz saying he may be available to join Team Cena. However that’s not what we’re here to talk about. Instead, let’s focus on the special guest tonight: Mark Henry. Miz asks Mark what happened on Monday but Henry says it was exactly what should have happened. Miz shows us a clip of Rusev making Show tap, which Henry says was a result of Show trying to upstage him.

Show didn’t help Henry on Sunday and Mark gets annoyed at the WHAT chants. Henry says Show has been acting like he knows everything for months but he’s just a nosy guy with an overactive pituitary gland. It’s all about strength but here’s Big Show for a brawl. They fight at ringside with Henry sending him into the post and through the barricade.

We recap the Authority vs. Cena on Monday.

Stardust/Goldust vs. Los Matadores

Non-title. Before the match the champs say they’d listen to offers from either team at Survivor Series. So the Authority team might not be Authority members? Fernando works on Stardust’s arm to start and sends him over to Diego for a dropkick. A slingshot hilo gets two on Stardust but he comes back with a springboard dropkick of his own. The champs send Fernando to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Torito getting knocked off the apron but Fernando plants Stardust, setting up the hot tag to Diego. A hurricanrana sends Diego outside and the masked men hit a huge double suicide dive. Stardust jumps backwards onto both guys before throwing Torito inside. Torito will have none of that though and dropkicks Stardust to the floor, distracting Goldust long enough for Fernando to roll him up for the pin at 7:24. That match needed a commercial?

Rating: D. Why do we have titles anymore? The only way they set up a title match is to have the champion lose (or in this show’s case, lose TWICE to set up a match where Ziggler is just a piece), meaning we need a title match later where Los Matadores can lose. You have a roster so full of people not working and you don’t have ANYONE else for Los Matadores to beat to earn a shot? This is getting old in a hurry.

Rusev vs. Great Khali

The fans chant USA so I guess they’re neutral. Khali immediately chops Rusev in the head so the Russian hammers away in the corner. Another chop has the same result so Rusev kicks him in the face and Accolades him for the submission at 47 seconds.

Post match Lana talks about new orders from Russia: crush the US Champion and give the title to Putin as a present. This brings out Sheamus who says he’s been waiting on for a long time. The challenge is accepted because Sheamus takes personal pride in what this title represents. Sheamus comes to the ring and tries a Brogue Kick, sending Rusev running. This would be the most logical feud in the world at the moment and exactly what they should have done. It shouldn’t be surprising as Rusev’s story has been one of the few well done thing in the WWE for months now.

Here’s Bray Wyatt for a chat. Today is a special day because all of the people here get to pretend to be something that they aren’t. Have you ever wondered why costuming yourself makes you feel so comfortable? Do you wear a mask to hide from the horrors of the world? Or is it because everyone hates everything about you? You can’t pretend forever though because tomorrow morning you’re just another one of those anonymous souls.

Dean Ambrose is different though because he never takes off his mask. Ambrose is like Wyatt: a creature, an animal and a monster. Bray understands what it felt like to have someone at a point like Rollins had Ambrose on Sunday. He knows what that power feels like and it makes you feel immortal. You have the power to take everything away from someone and Dean can’t just wash away his sins. They will stain him forever and she still cries for him. Follow the buzzards.

Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro

Street fight. There are a bunch of Halloween items at ringside, including about twenty pumpkins inside the ring, because we’ve got a theme match. Ambrose brings out a candy corn themed kendo stick because even he can make candy corn look cool. Dean hammers away to start and drops Cesaro with a bulldog.

Cesaro comes back with some kendo stick shots to the ribs and right hands to the head followed by a big swing to the chest. More stick shots have Dean in trouble but he blocks a big swing and hammers away with right hands. Cesaro comes right back with a tiger bomb for two followed by more stick shots. He piles up a bunch of pumpkins but can’t quite suplex Dean onto the pile.

Instead Dean sends him out to the floor, only to take some more stick shots. A dropkick destroys a bucket full of candy but Cesaro throws him over the announcers’ table. Ambrose pops up with a stick of his own before throwing him back inside for a backdrop on the pumpkins. They head outside again with Cesaro nailing him out of the air with a kendo stick.

Dean’s head is shoved into a bucket of apples and water but he comes back with a skeleton. Cesaro grabs a chair but gets knocked onto a table with some broom shots. A middle rope elbow with the broom sends Cesaro through the table on the floor. They head back inside where Ambrose puts a pumpkin on Cesaro’s head and Dirty Deeds is good for the pin at 7:18.

Rating: C+. This was your usual fun main event with all the weapons and props being used in the right way. Ambrose getting a pin is a good thing and makes him look stronger going into the PPV showdown with Wyatt. Bray can get by on his talking alone and Dean can look good in matches like this one.

Another Dirty Deeds ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Decent wrestling aside, this was one of the most frustrating shows I can remember in along time. We had three losses for champions and Kane of all people getting his win back instead of laying down like he should be doing at this point. Hopefully the audience for this show is so low that most people don’t watch and this doesn’t mean much. This is a decent show but it’s more frustrating than anything else.

Results

Nikki Bella won a battle royal last eliminating Alicia Fox

Kane b. Dolph Ziggler – Chokeslam

Seth Rollins b. Dolph Ziggler – Curb Stomp

Ryback b. Heath Slater – Shell Shock

Los Matadores b. Stardust/Goldust – Rollup to Goldust

Rusev b. Great Khali – Accolade

Dean Ambrose b. Cesaro – Dirty Deeds

So the annual Cell show has come and gone and as expected, a lot has changed coming out of the show. There were two main events inside the big cage and only one of them really belonged there. The big question was which match was ending the show as Orton vs. Cena has a chance even though there was no reason for it to take that spot. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show saw Damien Mizdow hosting MizdowTV and doing nothing with Miz. Yeah I kind of missed this part and don’t care enough to look it up.

Mark Henry beat Bo Dallas in about thirty seconds to seemingly end their feud. This was pretty much a waste of time but the fans liked it due to Bo’s Dallas Cowboys joke.

The opening match saw Ziggler retain the title over Cesaro in two straight falls. The match was good but it was the first of many matches that suffered from the same problem: we’ve seen so many of these matches in recent weeks that it’s hard to get fired up for it again. In this case, the guys had four falls in the span of a week so why should I care about it again? There’s a rumor that this is Cesaro’s punishment for criticizing the lack of change at the top of the card. If that’s the case, my goodness WWE is insecure.

Orton wanted to beat up Rollins after Seth attacked him to end Raw. HHH told him to take it out on Cena. Angle advancement because there isn’t enough time for this sort of stuff on Raw I guess.

The Bellas had a passable match with Nikki getting the pin after hitting Brie in the face and hitting the Rack Attack. This made Brie her servant for 30 days and launching a million fan fics about them. The match wasn’t terrible but man alive am I over this story. I’m really not sure why WWE thinks this is important or why the masses would care but we’ve been stuck with it for months now and I’m over it.

In another match we’ve seen over and over again in six man matches, the Dust Brothers beat the Usos to retain the titles. It was good enough but I have no reason to care about them fighting again. The division is back to its old problem of having two teams and almost nothing else and that makes for some very repetitive feuds. Maybe they can bring in a new team but there’s no fire to the division right now and it’s hurting things.

Some singer doesn’t like breast cancer. November, please come soon.

Cena beat Orton in another match that the fans didn’t want to see but was one of the biggest matches on the show. The win gives Cena another shot at Lesnar because that’s another match we haven’t seen enough. Orton vs. Lesnar is a legitimate big match but we need to see Cena vs. Lesnar IV and need to wait about two months to get there. Therefore, we’re stuck with months of just waiting around doing nothing until we get to a match that people don’t seem interested in seeing. Such is life in WWE.

The match itself was good though as the guys have chemistry together, but, say it with me, we’ve seen it too many times. Austin vs. Rock worked because it was rare, therefore making it a special treat. When you don’t see something all that often, it’s far easier to get interested in it. The match already happened at the Rumble and happens a few times a year. Why would I want to watch it just because it’s inside the Cell when the match is the same thing they always do?

Sheamus beat Miz to retain the US Title, hopefully setting up the obvious feud with Rusev. Again, nothing to see here as we’ve seen this pairing a half dozen times in tag matches.

Nikki poured a smoothie on Brie’s head. This is what we’re going to sit through for thirty days and we’re supposed to care about Brie, even though she agreed to these terms and lost a fair match.

Rusev beat Big Show in the match that everyone expected. Mark Henry almost cost Show the match but Rusev wound up kicking Show in the face and Accolading him for the win. On to Sheamus and the US Title.

AJ retained the title over Paige in ANOTHER match we’ve seen over and over again. This is another division that is needing some fresh blood like yesterday.

Seth Rollins beat Dean Ambrose in the main event with the help of a returning Bray Wyatt. This is the match that has gotten the most attention because people were wanting more. Here’s what happened: Dean Ambrose beat up Seth Rollins inside the Cell, someone interfered and Rollins won the match and the feud. There’s no rematch, there’s nowhere else to go, and the feud is over. Sometimes that’s what happens and Ambrose doesn’t look like a weaker star as a result. He’s a far bigger star than he was coming in and Rollins can move on to the feud with Orton. Everyone wins, which is the point of this kind of a feud.

Overall the show was entertaining for the most part but the creative process is just a mess right now. There are at least a dozen ways to build up a feud and WWE seems to use the same one over and over: have the people fight a lot on TV before the PPV then do the same match with a gimmick at the big show.

I have no idea why I’d want to see the Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust again on PPV when they’ve actually fought eight times on TV since their last pay per view match. Think about that for a minute. In the five weeks between two pay per views, these teams met in either three way tags or six man tags on eight out of ten TV shows. I’m supposed to care about the tenth meeting between these guys in five weeks? That’s supposed to excite me?

It’s not just the tag division either. Between the PPVs, Cena vs. Orton, Ziggler vs. Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Miz have all taken place five times each. The repetitiveness is driving me crazy, especially when there are guys just sitting there waiting to go out and perform. You can have people talk or do segments, but instead it’s just a bunch of matches. Find a balance already and let some new ideas into those stale heads.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This show has a strange build to it as we’ve seen almost everything there is to see for the setup but I don’t know if WWE can give us the payoff we need due to the lack of the violence. We always hear about the violence inside the Cell and how insane it’s supposed to be but there’s a good chance we’re not getting anything close to that. Let’s get to it.

We’ll start with what is likely going to be the main event and say Cena beats Orton. That’s unfortunate as Orton vs. Lesnar could headline a few PPVs in a row but it looks like we’re going to get another Cena vs. Lesnar match which really doesn’t have a huge audience. Orton is on the brink of a face turn too and face Orton with the RKO against Super Beast Brock would have me drooling. Instead though it’s probably going to be Cena and it’s probably going to headline the show because that’s what WWE seems to think we want to see.

Next up is the match that has had the build and should be the main event since Cena and Orton don’t need it, but instead will probably be the show stealer that people want to see close things out. I think Rollins beats Ambrose due to some shenanigans but the drama is going to be amazing. Ambrose could be a huge deal, but I don’t see him winning while holding the briefcase. Unfortunately Reigns is kind of holding the match hostage and there are so many possibilities with him in there. I just can’t see Ambrose winning, but I think Rollins takes the beating in a lifetime to get the win.

Nikki beats Brie due to interference of some sort. There’s just no logic in having Brie win, but it means I don’t have to listen to BRIE MODE twice in a row. Nikki wins and is all evil to Brie for a month, setting up yet another match that drags the show down. Somehow Brie is the best face the division has at this point, but I have no idea why I’m supposed to care about these two fighting.

Sheamus beats Miz to retain the title and we get Miz vs. a face Mizdow in the future. Damien has a future due to pure hard work. Imagine that.

Rusev beats Big Show, hopefully by TKO. These two had a match that was way better than it had any right to be recently so maybe they can do it again here.

AJ beats Paige in another match we don’t need to see again.

The Dusts retain in a match that feels like we’ve seen it a dozen times due to all the six man tags.

Ziggler retains over Cesaro, making the losses mean nothing whatsoever.

Overall the show has me interested but my expectations are low due to the violence not being allowed. That’s the problem with PG: they can talk the matches up as being the most violent things you’ll ever see but they can’t deliver due to the restrictions. There’s nothing wrong with the restrictions and you certainly can have a violent match in the Cell in this era, but I don’t know if the young guys can pull the pathos to make it work.

As for the other Cell match….I just do not care. I’ve seen these two fight about 40 times now and I do not want to see it again. I don’t care that it was in the Cell, I don’t care that it’s for the title shot and I don’t care that it’s likely going to headline the show. The interest isn’t there and it’s high time WWE figures that out. They’ve WAY overplayed this match and there’s almost nothing left for them to do anymore. When they’ve traded the title so many times before and talked so much about how big and epic their rivalry is, I just do not have enough interest in seeing these two fight.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 24, 2014
Location: Intrust Bank Arena, Wichita, Kansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before Hell in a Cell and things are all set. The main story coming out of Raw is Seth Rollins finally attacking Randy Orton, his partner on Monday, by Curb Stomping him to end the show. This is likely going to help set up Orton’s face turn and then Orton vs. Rollins, which could be some very interesting stuff down the line. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Ambrose to open things up. Ambrose talks about defying the laws of physics because he keeps getting back up no matter what the Authority does to him. Yeah it hurts to get knocked down so many times, but the difference between someone like he and Mick Foley is that Foley is a nice guy. Dean doesn’t have anything to live for beside hurting the people that hurt him. He’s been waiting for this day since Rollins stabbed him in the back for business so if Rollins has any final words, come out here and say them now.

Rollins pops up on screen and says Dean can’t call him out. Seth is the one that does the calling out and he’ll be doing that later tonight. It was always Dean believing that something special was coming from the Shield but Seth was just using it to get ready for his big moment. On Sunday, Dean Ambrose goes away and Rollins can cash in his contract to become World Champion. Dean wraps it up by saying they’ll burn together on Sunday, but Seth will burn alone.

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores

Sheamus is on commentary. Damien hammers on Diego to start and it’s quickly off to Miz who gets chopped in the corner. Miz comes right back with ten forearms to the chest to annoy Sheamus but the champ is just bored. It’s back to Damien, but Fernando kicks him in the face to take over and make the tag to Diego. They head outside for a Figure Four on Diego as Miz puts one on Fernando for the submission at 2:56.

Bo Dallas interrupts the Dusts’ odd chat of the week. They’re in a six man later and Bo thinks they just need to Bolieve. Goldust: “What a weirdo.”

AJ Lee vs. Alicia Fox

Still non-title despite Fox pinning AJ on Monday. Fox takes her down to start but gets caught in a guillotine choke. Paige, in Fox’s corner, shouts instructions to get out of the hold and Fox takes over for the first time. Lee fights out of a chinlock but gets slammed down with ease. Paige gets on the apron but AJ slams them together, setting up a rollup for the pin at 2:04. So AJ now needs heel miscommunication to beat Alicia Fox?

Remember that Wyatt Family video where the Family is free but Bray is never free? Well it’s airing again here.

We get a sitdown interview from earlier in the week with Big Show to talk about what happened with the soldier on Monday. Show asked for the interview and we see a clip from the incident to get things going. Big Show talks about how personal some of the things Rusev say can get but Rusev attacked the soldier when the incident was over. He has a lot of friends who are Russians (seriously) and he’s had to apologize to them more than once.

Show has been lucky enough to go around the world and meet some wealthy people, but those aren’t his heroes. He gets to meet his heroes when he goes around the world and meets the servicemen and women who defend this country. A few years back he met a two star general who broke down when meeting Big Show because it was such a big deal.

Now we get a clip of Big Show’s “idol” (to be fair Show laughs this off) Hulk Hogan saying no one is more American than the Big Show. On Sunday, Show is going to feel the power of America and it’s going to carry him to victory. We close out the interview where Show says he can’t keep his emotions under control but he’ll knock Rusev out for a pin on Sunday. This was longer than it needed to be and I see no reason for it not to take place in the arena.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro

Cesaro is challenging after pinning Dolph on Monday. Why the Divas didn’t do the same isn’t quite clear. They hit the mat to start with Ziggler actually in control but getting nailed in the ribs. Dolph flips out of a monkey flip attempt and gets two off a rollup. A nice pinfall reversal sequence ends with Ziggler nailing a dropkick for two but Cesaro sends him shoulder first into the post.

Back from a break with Cesaro putting on a sleeper but having to break up Ziggler’s sleeper a few seconds later. Dolph’s hurricanrana is countered so he comes back with a sunset flip for two instead. The running DDT is countered into a spin out slam for two as Cesaro is getting frustrated. A big boot and powerbomb get two more but the Swing is countered into a small package for two. Cesaro loads up an uppercut but gets Zig Zagged to retain the title at 11:25.

Rating: C+. Nice match but was there a need to have Dolph lose via pin on Monday? Couldn’t you accomplish the same thing by having them both get counted out or something like that, setting up a big match on Sunday? Heaven forbid of course because we need to give Cesaro another win over a champion to make him strong, even though you could do the same by having him Neutralize Ziggler on the floor and win by countout. That might be too much creativity though so it’s clear why it didn’t happen.

Nikki Bella/Cameron/Summer Rae vs. Brie Bella/Naomi/Natalya

Only Brie gets an entrance because we need BRIE MODE. Brie and Cameron get things going and Cameron actually manages to not botch anything in the first ten seconds. She elbows Brie down and starts a YES chant before it’s off to Summer for a clothesline. We get a totally genuine Brie chant as she kicks Summer down but Cameron takes Naomi off the apron. Nikki comes in for the Rack and the pin on Brie at 2:02. Well that happened.

Post match Nikki says for thirty days, she’ll be the evil sister and Brie can be the Cinderbella. This is what I sit through for you people. Remember that.

Hell in a Cell by the numbers.

Video on Orton vs. Cena.

Hogan picks Cena to win on Sunday.

Usos/Mark Henry vs. Goldust/Stardust/Bo Dallas

Dallas runs from Henry to start so it’s Stardust and Jey starting instead. A headbutt has Stardust in trouble so it’s off to Jimmy vs. Goldust. The Usos clothesline Goldust out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Stardust clotheslining Jimmy before it’s off to Goldist for some choking. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Jimmy fights up for an enziguri. The hot tag brings in Henry for clotheslines as everything breaks down. Jey dives onto Goldust and it’s Dallas alone with Mark. Henry throws him into the corner but has to World’s Strongest Slam Stardust, allowing Bo to hook the Bodog for the pin on Henry at 8:00.

Rating: D+. This was every six man tag with two different people to supplement the standard tag match that we’ve seen a half dozen times now. I don’t know what there is to gain by having Dallas pin Henry again as you would think we got the idea when he beat him twice in a row, but that might require a fresh thought from creative.

Ziggler is in the back bragging about his wins when Cesaro comes in and says Dolph got lucky. Cesaro calls the title the most prestigious in the company and asks for a 2/3 falls match for the title on Sunday.

Here are Rollins and the Stooges to the ring where there are some tables covered with weapons. Rollins says he bought in for the millionth time and says it’s foreign to everyone here in Kansas. There are no rules on Sunday so let’s have a preview of what Ambrose is in store for on Sunday. Seth starts with the handcuffs because Dean has surprised him from different places. Now he can have Ambrose in one place.

Next up is a screwdriver to prove that Dean has been a screwup all along. Seth picks up a lead pipe to prove that Dean is indeed destructable before moving on to a chair which stared the whole thing. We get to the point now as Rollins calls Dean out because this is his chance to have things one on one.

There’s no Ambrose though so maybe he’s smarter than Seth thought he was. We see a clip from the end of Raw as Ambrose sneaks up behind Seth and nails him with a kendo stick shot. The Stooges come in but Dean fights them off and tries a powerbomb through a table. The Stooges finally do their job and take Dirty Deeds before being elbowed through the tables to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was about everything other than the Orton vs. Cena match which makes me think that it’s getting the main event slot, despite it having no need to do so. The problem with Ambrose vs. Rollins is they have to go insane with the violence to justify everything they’ve talked about and I don’t think that’s going to be allowed. The show should be entertaining but I don’t know if they’ll be able to take it far enough or be able to resist going with Orton vs. Cena as the main event. Nice build show this week but it’s clear that these stories are almost out of gas.

Results

Miz/Damien Mizdow b. Los Matadores – Figure Four to Fernando

AJ Lee b. Alicia Fox – Rollup

Dolph Ziggler b. Cesaro – Zig Zag

Nikki Bella/Summer Rae/Cameron b. Brie Bella/Naomi/Natalya – Rack to Brie

Goldust/Stardust/Bo Dallas b. Usos/Mark Henry – Bodog to Henry

Smackdown
Date: October 17, 2014
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We now have the obvious PPV main events set and for some reason the question is which match goes on last. I can defend a lot of what they do with Cena but there is almost no justification for Rollins vs. Ambrose not going on last. It has a story and the constant interference makes the Cell appropriate. Orton vs. Cena is happening because of history that people are tired of, Orton wanting a match and the calendar saying it’s time for the Cell. Let’s get to it.

We open with the now standard long recap of the main stories from Raw.

Here’s Rollins to get things going. The fans greet him with a YOU SOLD OUT chant and he seems to agree by shouting I SOLD OUT. Yeah he used to have honor, but that’s not going to pay his bills. Anyone here would sell out their parents, dog, grandparents, brothers and friends for an opportunity to be like him. The problem though is you’ll never be like him because selling out is the best thing you could ever do in your life.

That brings him to his match with Ambrose inside the Cell. Ambrose doesn’t belong inside the Cell because he belongs in a straitjacket. Dean may walk into the Cell but he’s going to be carried out and left as a hot smelly mess. Rollins has sold out, but at the pay per view, he’s going to put Dean out.

Cue Dolph Ziggler to a big ovation. Ziggler says that sound was what you hear when people want to see you. Granted Rollins wouldn’t know what a pop sounds like because Ambrose isn’t out here. Dolph talks about how you get everything when you sell out, but when you earn it, you get all that plus self respect. Seth laughs it off and says self respect got Ziggler curb stomped on Monday. Dolph dropkicks him to the floor and wants to start their match right now.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins

A clothesline puts Dolph on the floor and we take a very early break. Back with Ziggler in trouble and Seth pounding away with right hands. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Seth sends him face first into the buckle for two. Rollins drives some knees into the ribs and talks trash to him about self respect. Back up and Dolph sidesteps a charge to send Seth outisde. Rollins comes up limping a bit so Dolph loads up a Figure Four around the post, only to get sent face first into the steel instead.

Rollins tries to come back in off the top but gets pulled down into a faceplant as we take another break. Back again with Seth missing a charge into the corner to put both guys down. Dolph pops up and hits ten very fast punches in the corner but Seth snaps his throat across the top. He heads up top again but this time is able to block the faceplant. Ziggler’s jumping DDT gets two and the Zig Zag and Curb Stomp are both countered. The Fameasser is countered into the buckle bomb though and a Curb Stomp gives Dolph his third straight loss at 15:22.

Rating: C+. It’s the decent match you would expect from these two but these losses for champions are getting annoying. WWE has such a big roster but only Ziggler can take these losses? Were Kofi and Big E. too busy for this match? It gets really old watching these titles lose what little prestige they can build up for the sake of Mr. Money in the Bank. Build up a better midcard or get the title off Ziggler already.

Here’s Ambrose after the match with his contract. Rollins runs so Dean lets us know how happy he is to get his hands on Rollins inside the Cell. He can’t even say everything he’s going to do to Rollins on this show but here’s Kane to cut him off. Kane wants a match of his own because the screams of pain make him sleep better at night. Ambrose vs. Kane later tonight.

Erick Rowan is free.

Layla vs. AJ Lee

Paige and Fox are on commentary. We get an inset interview where AJ says the Divas Title is the only friend she needs and it will never betray her. A quick spinwheel kick gets two on Layla and a pair of rolling neckbreakers gets the same. Layla makes a comeback with some kicks and a headlock, only to miss a cross body and get Black Widowed for the submission at 2:00.

Fox is easily dispatched but Paige lays out AJ with the Rampaige.

Seth comes in to ask Kane to save him a piece of Ambrose but Kane goes into the annual “the Cell is evil” speech. Kane throws out that it’s himself/Rollins/Orton vs. Cena/Ambrose in a street fight on Raw.

Sandow dressed up as Sheamus on Main Event and got beaten up.

Sheamus and the Usos are ready for their six man tonight. We get lots of talk about kicking heads off and twin references are made.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Miz/Stardust/Goldust

Goldust actually takes Sheamus down to start but the pale one comes back with a shoulder block. Off to Stardust who takes a few elbows from the twins and a double elbow drop gets two. Miz comes in and actually takes his glasses off, only to get slammed down by Jimmy for two. Jimmy misses a charge and falls out to the floor, followed by a baseball slide from Jimmy for good measure.

Back from a break with Jey getting caught in a Goldust spinebuster for two. Off to Stardust but Sheamus chases Miz up the ramp. This goes nowhere but gets us away from the match going on in the ring. Goldust goes over to punch Jimmy off the apron but walks into a Samoan drop from Jey. The hot tag brings in Sheamus to clean house, including pulling the top rope down so Jimmy can dive on Stardust. Miz gets knocked off the apron and into the announce table but Goldust catches Sheamus in a powerslam for two. Everything breaks down as the Usos kick Stardust, setting up a Brogue Kick to Goldust for the pin at 11:42.

Rating: C-. You know every six man match you’ve seen with the tag team and midcard title feuds combined? Well this is the most recent I’ve seen. There was nothing different, interesting, or remotely special about this match. It’s not bad but I can’t count how many times we’ve seen this exact same stuff.

Video on WWE in Malaysia.

Here’s Big Show with something to talk about how he sticks out in a crowd. We hear the same stats we’ve heard about Big Show for years as he talks about having more weight on his shoulders. He’s knocked Rusev out twice now and is going to do it again at the PPV. Right now though, he’d like Mark Henry to come out here. Here’s Mark, complete with Big Show dancing to his music.

Show tells a story about he and Henry flipping a car over because it cut them off at Waffle House. They’re family, which means it’s ok for them to take the weight on each others’ shoulders in the battles against Rusev. Show gave Henry the space he needed to fight Rusev and now he needs Henry to do the same for him. Henry says that Rusev isn’t human but it’s going to be hard to see Big Show beat Rusev when he couldn’t. He’ll give Show what he wants though. The Russians come out for some fat jokes and insult trading between Show and Rusev. Nothing we haven’t heard before.

We get a clip from after Raw with the Bellas getting in an argument over being fat. The loser of their match will be the winner’s assistant, which I’m sure will be HILARIOUS.

Nikki Bella vs. Naomi

Nikki shoves her around to start and puts on a very early chinlock. Back up and Naomi scores with a few dropkicks followed by a Rear View for two. That goes nowhere and the Rack ends Naomi at 2:11.

Wyatt is alone video.

Ambrose says he can give Kane all the screams he wants to put him to sleep.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Kane throws him around to start but Dean fires off right hands and clotheslines Kane out to the floor. Back in and a big boot drops Ambrose and they head right back to the floor. Kane rams Dean’s hand into the steps before sending the hand into the corner back inside. Dean comes back with a top rope dropkick and a bulldog for two. He starts the comeback and loads up the Rebound Clothesline but Rollins drags him to the floor for the DQ at 5:44.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t anything of note but the ending is just stupid. Dean should be heading for the main event of a PPV but he can’t pin KANE nine days before? I can understand not pinning Cena, but Kane’s entire job at this point is to put people over and not cause any major disasters.

Rollins and Kane go after Dean but he fights them off with a chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was the least interesting Smackdown I can remember in a long time. The show flew by and felt more like a setup for Raw than ever. It’s not a horrible show but when Ambrose can’t even get a rollup on Kane and we see the same Divas match we’ve seen for months now, it’s really hard to get into things. Smackdown is at its best when it has self contained stories and some decent matches. As soon as it becomes a supplement for Raw, most of the good goes away. Not much to see this week.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Dolph Ziggler – Curb Stomp

AJ Lee b. Layla – Black Widow

Sheamus/Usos b. Goldust/Stardust/Miz – Brogue Kick to Goldust

Nikki Bella b. Naomi – Rack

Dean Ambrose b. Kane via DQ when Seth Rollins interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 22, 2014
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re past Night of Champions and heading towards Hell in a Cell in about five weeks. The main story is Seth Rollins breaking up Cena’s very close near fall on Brock Lesnar to end the show. The key is it makes Cena believe he can beat Lesnar, likely setting up another match inside the Cell. If they let them go nuts, that could be a classic. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the main event and Lesnar laying out Cena to end the show.

Here’s the returning Dean Ambrose to start things off. “I’M NOT DEAD!” Dean says he’s had to replay the incident over and over again and he can appreciate being attacked two on one. We look at Kane and Rollins giving him a curb stomp onto some cinder blocks. The Authority going to such lengths to get rid of him makes him feel special. Tonight he’s the authority and he isn’t leaving until he gets his hands on Seth Rollins because he never gets tired of hitting Seth Rollins in the face.

Dean gets a chair and sits in the middle of the ring but here’s Cena to interrupt. Ambrose says he doesn’t like Cena standing in the ring with him right now and Cena doesn’t want Ambrose having a reason to not like him. Cena says he has a reason to be angry because Seth Rollins stopped him from beating Brock Lesnar last night. He wants Rollins tonight and says no one is going to stop him, implying he’ll fight Ambrose to get to Seth. Dean says not to get in his way but Cena gets ready to fight. Ambrose takes his jacket off but here’s the full Authority to interrupt.

HHH says Rollins won’t be fighting tonight but Cena and Ambrose will. Cena and Ambrose aren’t interested in listening and charge at the Authority. Rollins bails with Ambrose and Cena giving chase. We cut to the back with Rollins running away from Ambrose and Cena before stealing a car to escape. Dean and John look at each other but nothing happens.

After a break, the Authority has a meeting and makes Kane vs. Ambrose and Cena vs. Orton. Kane isn’t pleased but agrees to the chance for revenge. Orton doesn’t like having to put out Rollins’ fires. WWE announced Orton vs. Ambrose before the show so I guess they already changed it.

Intercontinental Title: Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Miz is defending after winning the title last night and Mizdow has a small replica title in a nice touch. No R-Ziggler in Dolph’s corner either. We actually get big match intros. Feeling out process to start with Dolph grabbing a headlock but getting Miz scores with a shoulder. A knee to the ribs puts Ziggler down and we hit the chinlock. The Figure Four is countered, sending Miz shoulder first into the post. Not that it matters much though as Ziggler gets caught with a neckbreaker onto the apron and we take a break.

Back with Miz hitting the corner clothesline but he gets dropkicked out of the air when trying the top rope ax handle. The Fameasser is countered but Dolph hits the running DDT to put both guys down. Back up and Miz blocks the superkick before slapping on the Figure Four. Ziggler eventually gets to the ropes and rolls to the floor where he clotheslines Miz and Mizdow.

Back in and Miz hits a quick Skull Crushing Finale for a very close two. Ziggler gets the same off the Fameasser but Miz blocks the Zig Zag. A superkick knocks Mizdow off the apron but Miz rolls Dolph up and grabs the trunks. Dolph rolls through though and grabs a rollup (and trunks) of his own to get the title back at 12:56.

Rating: C+. The near falls were good here and Ziggler feels like he earned the belt, but what in the world is the point in trading the title back and forth in two days? Both guys get an extra title reign and now we’re right back where we were twenty four hours ago. I like that they’re having some action, but how about letting something last more than a day?

We recap Reigns being taken off the card and Ambrose coming in to fight Rollins.

Jack Swagger vs. Bo Dallas

Swagger takes him into the corner to start but Dallas takes him across the ring for a knee to the ribs. A clothesline drops Jack and some knee drops to the head get two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Jack runs him over and hits a Vader Bomb. Dallas goes back to the ribs and gets two off a neckbreaker. Not that it matters as a quick Patriot Lock makes Bo tap at 3:18.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but is there a point to having them alternate wins on three straight shows? That’s the second match in a row where the guys are just trading victories and I’m not sure who is gaining anything out of it. Swagger winning is a good thing at least.

Zeb makes fun of Bo’s catchphrase post match.

We get a quick tribute to Howard Stern Show personality Eric the Actor who died over the weekend.

Summer Rae vs. Natalya

This is your Total Divas match of the week with Summer calling Natalya jealous to start. We get a clip from the three month old issue that started this problem where Natalya pulled Summer out of a car. Rae takes her down for a figure four full nelson followed by a front chancery. Natalya comes back by slamming Summer’s face into the mat and one of the worst looking discus lariats I’ve ever seen. Summer was falling down before any contact and it looked awful. Rosa Mendes and Layla get in a fight on the floor as the Sharpshooter makes Summer tap at 2:20.

Dean Ambrose vs. Kane

Ambrose hammers away in the corner to start and takes Kane down with right hands. A middle rope elbow to the jaw gets one but Dean has to fight out of a chokeslam attempt. Dean sends him out to the floor and nails a suicide dive but Kane takes him down with a big boot and sends Ambrose into the steps. Back in and Kane works on an armbar before uppercutting Dean out of the air for two.

It’s back to the armbar which Kane is barely cranking on. They get up with Dean nailing a DDT followed by the Rebound Clothesline. A missile dropkick gets two on Kane but he pops back up and grabs Dean by the throat for the chokeslam. Ambrose quickly counters into Dirty Deeds but Rollins runs out for the DQ at 5:30.

Rating: C. Better match than expected here but it’s still nothing great. I don’t see why you couldn’t have Kane get pinned here but at least Ambrose had him beaten at the end. Dean is on fire after everything that has happened to him and with no Reigns around, there’s a big door open for him if he they use him right.

Dean fights off Rollins but Kane plants him with a chokeslam. Rollins goes back to get some more but Dean has a chair and tells him to come on. Seth backs down of course.

After a break, Ambrose is locked in a room by security and the Authority. Stephanie: “Have we ever thrown someone out that didn’t come back?” I love logical lines like that.

We get the video on Reigns’ surgery and the repeated announcement that he’ll be out for months.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust/Cesaro

Jey and Goldust start things off with a quick feeling out before it’s off to Jimmy for a big backdrop. Off to Stardust who sends Jimmy into the corner but has to duck a superkick. The Dusts bail to the floor for a breather and it’s off to Sheamus to hammer on Cesaro. They trade heavy forearms before tagging in Goldust and Jey with the Uso getting two off a splash. Back to Stardust for some forearms to Jey’s back before they trade armbars. Goldust comes back in as Stardust trips him up as we take a break.

Back with Jey fighting out of Stardust’s dragon sleeper before getting up a boot in the corner. The hot tag brings in Sheamus to clean house with the rolling fireman’s carry and ten forearms to the chest. Stardust escapes a powerslam but tags in Cesaro who pulls Sheamus out to the floor in a big crash. Back in and a middle rope ax handle gets two on Sheamus and Cesaro puts on something like a reverse Crippler Crossface. Goldust comes in again for a chinlock and knee drop before tagging back to his brother.

Sheamus fights out of a front facelock before blocking a top rope cross body with an ax handle to put both guys down. The double tag brings in Jey and Goldust with the Uso cleaning house. Jimmy makes a quick tag and hits a Whisper in the Wind to both champions. Everything breaks down and the Superfly Splash hits Goldust’s knees. The Final Cut looks to finish Jimmy but Sheamus makes a last second save. Cesaro and Sheamus go outside and Jey hits the Superfly Splash on Goldust for the pin at 15:42.

Rating: C. The match was ok but it felt much more long than good. The Usos should get a rematch after being champions for seven months and this is a decent enough way of setting it up. At least it’s better than just saying “oh they have a rematch clause.” Sheamus vs. Cesaro again would be entertaining but there are other challengers to go after the title.

Rollins comes up to Orton and doesn’t like the putting out fires line from earlier. Seth agrees to be in his corner later tonight.

Here’s the Next Generation thing they’ve been talking about. As is almost always the case, it’s for the new video game. This is set to Bawitaba by Kid Rock of all sings.

Mark Henry comes out to address the fans after his loss to Rusev last night. He says he’s heartbroken and can’t believe he let everyone down. This brings out Rusev and Lana for some Russian gloating. Lana tells everyone to shut up and makes fun of the Memphis crowd. She offers Henry another match with Rusev tonight and Henry says bring it on.

Rusev vs. Mark Henry

This is joined in progress with Rusev hammering away and taking Henry down for a side choke. We look at Henry getting his back injured last night as the hold keeps going. Mark fights up so Rusev dropkicks him down and puts the hold on again. Henry finally stays up and slams Rusev down but hurts his back again. They head outside with Rusev being sent into the steps after trying to drive Henry in again. Back in and Henry tries a very slow Vader Bomb but gets pulled down, sending him ribs first into the mat. The Accolade makes Henry pass out at 7:30.

Rating: D+. This was long and dull but it was a much better ending than last night. Not that it matters after Henry looked like such a loser after last night but at least they’re getting the right idea. I could have done without another rematch this soon though as this is the second from last night and third from the last week.

Adam Rose/The Bunny vs. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil

It had to happen eventually. Titus runs over Rose to start and hits an over the shoulder backbreaker. Off to Slater for a side kick and a chinlock as the Bunny plays cheerleader on the apron. Rose kicks Slater away but Titus breaks up the hot tag attempt. The Bunny ducks a right hand from O’Neil and Adam finally makes the hot tag. The Bunny comes in with a bunch of kicks and a few tail wags before low bridging Titus to the floor. A big spinning kick to the face drops Slater and a seated senton off the apron takes out Titus. The Party Foul is enough for the pin on Slater at 3:10.

Rating: C+. Yeah I liked it. I don’t think there’s much else to be said here.

Here’s Nikki Bella to address Brie’s interview last night where Brie said she didn’t want Nikki to become Divas Champion. She immediately calls out Brie for a chat and trash is already being talked. Nikki says Brie should be called Nikki’s Trashy Sister and wants to be the only Bella. Brie won’t do it so Nikki brings up the obvious question: why hasn’t Brie taken her husband’s name? Nikki calls Bryan a troll so Brie tries a YES Lock, sending Nikki running to the floor.

AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Paige is on commentary. AJ cranks on the arm to start before taking the non-champion down with a headscissors. A pair of neckbreakers get two on Nikki and they head out to the floor. Nikki sends AJ into Paige and the Brit is ticked off. Back in and Nikki gets two before putting on a swinging sleeper. There’s a cross armbreaker on AJ but she powers out, only to get caught in an Alabama Slam for two. Back up and Nikki misses a charge into the corner, allowing AJ to put on the Black Widow for the submission at 5:10.

Rating: D+. The longer the Bellas aren’t around a championship the better things are. Nikki wanting to fight over the Bella name is about as stupid of a way as they could go but that’s what this entire feud has been since the beginning. Thankfully AJ has dominated them every time to keep the evil from coming even more to the forefront.

A large black box is brought to ringside.

Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Randy takes him down with a headlock to starts but Cena quickly shakes him off, only to get pounded down in the corner. Now it’s John firing off right hands, followed by a bulldog for two. We take a break and come back with Cena being sent to the floor and into the announcers’ table. The Elevated DDT is countered with a backdrop over the top and Cena has a breather. Back in and they collide but it’s Orton up first and taking Cena into the corner.

Orton puts on a sleeper for a bit until Cena escapes with the ProtoBomb. Randy escapes an STF attempt and takes Cena’s head off with a clothesline. He loads up a superplex but opts for a top rope Elevated DDT for a very close two instead. Cena pops back to his feet and grabs the STF, drawing in Kane and Rollins for the DQ at 15:15.

Rating: C. How in the world was this a fifteen minute match? This really didn’t work too well as it felt like they were just waiting to get to the obvious Ambrose surprise at the end. Rollins has now run in on three matches in two days which is a bit much to put it mildly. The match wasn’t bad but it ran longer than it needed to.

Post match the Authority loads up the Curb Stomp on the blocks under the box, but it’s Ambrose because….well what else was it going to be? Dean destroys everything in sight and Rollins runs off, leaving Ambrose and Cena to clean house to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show wasn’t bad but it was mainly a long recap of last night. I really liked the opening sequence with Ambrose and Cena looking like the new Super Best Friends trying to take down the Authority. The ending helped that story but there wasn’t much between the opening and closing. It was mainly recaps and rematches which weren’t very good in the first place. That being said, it was nice to go completely away from the Lesnar stuff, at least for a week. It’s not the worst show in a long time but it didn’t blow my skirt up.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Miz – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Jack Swagger b. Bo Dallas – Patriot Lock

Natalya b. Summer Rae – Sharpshooter

Dean Ambrose b. Kane via DQ when Seth Rollins interfered

Sheamus/Usos b. Cesaro/Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Goldust

Rusev b. Mark Henry via referee stoppage

AJ Lee b. Nikki Bella – Black Widow

John Cena b. Randy Orton via DQ when Seth Rollins and Kane interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 12, 2014
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips

We’re coming off a good Raw for the first time in far too long and the main story is Reigns getting taken out to end the show. It looks like we’re heading for Reigns vs. Rollins and Jericho vs. Orton, though they would likely be better off with just having a tag match instead. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw and Reigns taking a Curb Stomp onto a chair.

Usos/Big Show/Mark Henry vs. Wyatt Family/Goldust/Stardust

This is just Harper and Rowan and not a handicap match if that isn’t clear. Jimmy chops on Goldust in the corner to start before doing the same to Stardust. Jey comes in to choke on the ropes a bit and start in on the arm. Back to Jimmy to face Harper with Luke missing a clothesline and getting dropkicked down. Mark gets the tag for a splash in the corner but Luke clotheslines him down for two. Bray comes down to ringside but Big Show stands in his way as we take a break.

Back with Jimmy superkicking Harper and nailing him with an enziguri. Bray is nowhere in sight. Luke backdrops him to the apron and Jimmy slips off, injuring his own knee. Stardust likes what he sees and sends Jimmy into the announcers’ table before handing it off to Goldust. A clothesline to the back of the head gets two and it’s back to Harper with a dropkick for two. Rowan comes in for a knee drop to give us a complete set of heels not going after the injured limb.

Not that it matters though as Jimmy is able to Samoan drop Rowan on the bad knee. Goldust comes in and gets superkicked, allowing for the hot tag to Big Show for some house cleaning. Stardust takes the worst of it but the Dusts are actually able to suplex Big Show down. The Wyatts take Henry to the floor, allowing Jimmy to dive onto everyone. The Disaster Kick staggers Show but he comes back with the KO Punch and a Superfly Splash from Jey pins Stardust at 11:04.

Rating: C-. What was the point in having Jimmy hurt his knee if they were just going to forget about it thirty seconds later? At least have someone kick the leg a few times after it. That being said, I’d definitely prefer not to have two members of a team both having leg injuries as the injured limb is being overused as it is. The match wasn’t bad but just kind of there.

We recap Heyman and Cena from Raw.

Kane praises Reigns and Rollins for their actions on Raw. Rollins says he knew he could get inside Reigns’ head and promises to take him out tonight. It’s Reigns/Jericho vs. Orton/Rollins later.

Bo Dallas vs. Justin Gabriel

Colter and Swagger are at ringside. After the bell, Dallas says most of the fans are destined to be failures for their entire lives, but they could be just like him if they just Bolieve! Dallas calls himself America’s Sweetheart and asks everyone to put their hand over their heart, but Zeb interrupts. He says if Dallas is America’s Sweetheart, then he’s “Arianna freaking Grande. And I don’t even know who that is!”

After a minute and a half of talking, Gabriel starts firing off kicks and rolls Dallas up for two. A hard whip sends Gabriel into the buckle and we hit the chinlock. Gabriel comes back with a springboard cross body and an STO but the moonsault misses, setting up the Bodog for the pin at 4:10.

Rating: D+. It’s almost not fair to rate this as they only fought for about two minutes after all the talking. The match was every Bo Dallas match you’ve seen yet but that’s fine in this case as he finally has something to do. I’m glad he didn’t get the “Vince is bored with you” treatment that so many others have suffered through as Dallas has potential to be a good pest.

Dallas runs from Swagger post match.

Paige vs. Summer Rae

Non-title. AJ is on commentary of course. Summer stomps away in the corner to start and puts on a full nelson leg lock. Paige fights out with a headbutt and some clotheslines followed by a series of knees to the ribs. A Black Widow makes Summer tap at 1:46.

AJ comes in and lays out Summer with the Paige Turner before skipping away. Paige freaks out again.

It’s time for some good old fashioned arm wrestling between Rusev and Mark Henry. Before the match, Lana offers Henry a chance to get out of the match by forfeiting. She brings up Henry leaving the Olympics with an injury but Henry will have none of it. He never thought he would have the chance to represent his country again and there’s the USA chant. Henry easily wins in a few seconds. Rusev wants a rematch left handed and Lana throws powder in Henry’s face so Rusev can beat him down.

Jericho talks about losing the cage match on his own terms. He can live with that, but he can’t live with Orton attacking him to make a statement. Jericho calls himself the Snake Shredder and the Copperhead Crusher and promises to take care of Orton. We get a hiss to cap things off.

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Dolph Ziggler/R-Truth

Ziggler says Truth (R-Ziggler) is his stunt double tonight and we get Truth in Dolph attire, complete with the hip swivel on the stage. JBL and Cole are nice enough to play up the joke. Mizdow vs. Ziggler to start but it’s quickly off to Truth for Dolph’s big elbow and two. Off to a front facelock from Ziggler before the good guys try to do a twin switch in a funny bit. A pair of hiptosses and clotheslines put Miz and Mizdow on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler crawling over to tag in Truth who is still wrestling like Dolph. Mizdow takes a right hand for his boss, allowing Miz to kick Truth in the face. The Reality Check gets two for Miz but Truth escapes the same thing from Mizdow. Back to Miz who walks into a DDT, allowing for the hot tag to Dolph. Everything breaks down and the good guys use each others’ signature moves, capped off by Truth hitting a Zig Zag on Mizdow to give Dolph the pin at 11:04.

Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t great but this was at least a funny idea and the announcers played up the joke really well. Dolph did say that this was one night only, which is for the best as it would get old fast. For a one off joke though, it advances the story and keeps us from having Miz vs. Ziggler one on one again.

We look at the Bellas and Springer segment from Raw.

Nikki talks about how she’s been the victim for years when AJ comes in and says Nikki got into the title match by being Stephanie’s lap dog. Paige comes in and says she’ll beat AJ one last time so they can be best friends. Nikki thinks this could be easy.

Chris Jericho/Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins/Randy Orton

The brawl quickly heads to the floor and Reigns wants to get his hands on Orton. Reigns gets sent face first into the announcers’ table though and we take a break. Back with Orton hitting a running clothesline in the corner and putting on the chinlock. Roman fights up and slams Orton down to make the tag off to Jericho.

Chris cleans house and sends Rollins into the buckle before putting on the Walls. He has to let go to take care of Orton but comes right back with a bulldog. Orton breaks up the Lionsault though and the Authority takes over again. Randy hammers away and gets two off the powerslam. Rollins comes back in and gets backdropped to the floor, only to circle around and break up the tag to Reigns.

Jericho fights up and dropkicks Randy, allowing the hot tag to Roman. The big man cleans house and sends Rollins to the floor before tagging in Jericho for a high cross body on Orton. The former Shield members head into the crowd as Orton loads up the Elevated DDT, only to have Jericho counter into a rollup for the pin at 12:09.

Rating: C-. This was short, energetic and set up the matches at Night of Champions. It’s fine to have Jericho win here as losing to a former World Champion on a quick rollup is hardly going to crush Orton. Reigns and Rollins weren’t really a factor in this but their story is already set up.

Overall Rating: C. Tonight was a by the book episode of Smackdown: advance everything but the main event, have some tag matches and recap stuff from Raw. It’s just a supplement to Raw but I’ll take that over a lot of boring episodes that we so often get. There’s nothing to see here but it could have been far worse.

Results

Usos/Big Show/Mark Henry b. Wyatt Family/Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Stardust

Bo Dallas b. Justin Gabriel – Bodog

Paige b. Summer Rae – Black Widow

Dolph Ziggler/R-Truth b. Damien Mizdow/Miz – Ziggler pinned Mizdow after a Zig Zag from R-Truth

Chris Jericho/Randy Orton b. Seth Rollins/Randy Orton – Rollup to Orton

Smackdown
Date: August 22, 2014
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips

We’re already on the way to Night of Champions and the main story is going to be Cena vs. Lesnar III. Lesnar destroyed Cena on Sunday so now the question is how can Cena survive. Other than that we might be in for an update on Ambrose’s condition after his head was crushed against a conveniently placed pile of cinder blocks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Summerslam. I believe this is the same one we saw on Monday.

Tom Phillips from NXT has joined the announcers’ booth.

Here’s Randy Orton to get things going. He says that just winning a battle doesn’t mean you win the war. One match doesn’t define either himself or Roman Reigns. He’s been a legend killer, an apex predator and the Viper, but he’s never been a loser. This just made him that much more focused, which leads to things like this happening.

We see Orton RKOing Reigns through the announcers’ table last month. Reigns will get what’s coming to him at some point but first up, Orton has a match with Rob Van Dam. RVD is nothing but collateral damage. He’ll be an example of what happens to anyone that crosses his path. Orton demands the fans’ respect and poses to cap off a quick promo.

Jack Swagger vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins shakes Orton’s hand on the way to the ring. Before the match we get a long package on Ambrose vs. Rollins from Monday night. This was actually set up on Main Event with Rollins saying Swagger has been dropping the ball. Swagger quickly takes Rollins down with a nice amateur move but Seth bails to the floor for a breather. Back in and Seth puts a bodyscissors on the bad ribs but Jack fights up with the powers of America. Rollins goes to the middle rope but dives into a belly to belly suplex.

Jack gets kicked in the ribs again and we take a break. Back with Swagger hitting a wheelbarrow suplex and getting all fired up. The Vader Bomb connects but he re-injures the bad ribs. Swagger backdrops Rollins to the apron but gets kicked in the head for his efforts. Rollins dives into a quickly broken Patriot Lock. Both guys fall to the floor and the Patriot Lock goes on again. Seth rolls away though and Swagger accidentally posts himself. Swagger rolls back in but Rollins nails a Curb Stomp to send him back outside for the countout at 6:50 shown of 10:20.

Rating: C. The match was nothing special but the most important thing here is the addition of a new midcard guy for the main eventers to beat. Yeah Swagger has been in this spot for awhile but the new character makes him feel fresh instead of the same guy that has lost over and over again.

Post match Bo Dallas comes out to tell Swagger the usual. Dallas is willing to pick up the pieces and become the new American sweetheart.

Video on the Bellas splitting and the slap from Raw.

Miz is on the phone ordering a latte when Kane comes up. Miz: “Unless this is about my sequel for the Intercontinental Title, talk to my agent.” Kane doesn’t like the sequel line so he makes Miz vs. Reigns again for tonight. Miz rubs his face in a funny bit.

Rusev vs. Sin Cara

Rusev pounds him down in the corner but Cara actually gets in some shots to the bad ankle. A missile dropkick puts Rusev down but he comes back with the jumping superkick. Accolade and we’re done at 1:53.

Lana talks trash post match but Mark Henry comes out to chase the evil foreigners off.

RVD is in the back with Renee Young and says Orton needs to chill out. Orton pops up from behind and nails Van Dam. He tells Renee to tell Van Dam that he’ll be waiting at the ring.

Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

Van Dam charges to the ring but calms down long enough for the opening bell. Orton takes over very quickly and stomps Rob down in the corner. The springboard kick to the jaw drops Orton and he gets clotheslined out to the floor. A big flip dive puts Orton down again but Van Dam misses the spinning apron kick. Randy throws him into various objects, including the steps over and over. The match is thrown out at 2:57.

Randy plants him with an Elevated DDT on the concrete and an RKO onto a chair, likely writing Van Dam off TV. That’s DDT is the same move that originally put Van Dam out back in 2007.

Reigns says he knows what Orton and the Authority are capable of. He saw what Rollins did to Ambrose and promises revenge. Orton talked about methodically decimating him, right until Reigns speared him in half. If that’s what Orton wants, it’s fine with Reigns.

Natalya vs. Paige

Non-title. They trade smacks to the face to start with Natalya taking over via a butterfly suplex to send Paige outside. A baseball slide puts her down again but Paige nails her in the face. Natalya gets posted and Paige does the slow crawl back in the ring. We hit a bodyscissors on the Canadian but here’s AJ for the traditional distraction. She takes the Divas Title and skips around the ring, allowing Natalya to grab a rollup for two. AJ leaves with the title but lays it down so Paige can take it back. She comes back in and walks into the Sharpshooter for the submission at 3:55, even though she was inches from the ropes.

Rating: D+. Well at least it wasn’t the usual way of distracting the champion. I’m hoping Natalya at least gets a PPV title match of her own out of this instead of another lame triple threat. Paige vs. AJ is a feud that needs to have some more creative developments, but that’s the same for every long feud anymore.

Goldust/Stardust vs. Wyatt Family

Stardust jumps over his brother to start with Harper. Luke drives him into the corner and hammers away before getting caught by the drop down uppercut. Harper rakes the eyes across the ropes and it’s off to Rowan who lets Stardust make a blind tag to Goldie. Rowan slugs him down in the corner and we take a break.

Back with Harper throwing Goldust across the ring before Rowan comes in for a hard slam. A legdrop gets two and it’s back to the evil corner for Goldust. There’s the Gator Roll from Harper but Goldust gets to the middle rope for a hurricanrana. Harper slugs him right back down and nails a sitout powerbomb for two. Stardust comes in without a tag and the distraction lets Goldust roll up Harper at 6:04 shown of 9:34.

Rating: C-. What the heck has happened to the Wyatts? They went from the hottest team on the roster to this in less than two months. So I guess the Dusts are now the new “it” team, even though Henry/Big Show were last week. Odds are it’s a fourway title match coming up because that’s the go to move for most of the titles.

The Wyatts beat up the brothers post match, including Harper throwing an announcer’s chair at Stardust.

We get a clip from Main Event where HHH announces Lesnar vs. Cena III at Night of Champions.

Here’s the title presentation and Heyman promo from Raw to eat up a lot of time.

Roman Reigns vs. The Miz

Orton comes out to watch just after the bell. Reigns sends Miz into the corner to start and hits a Samoan drop. Miz gets in a running knee but Roman easily escapes the Skull Crushing Finale. A spear ends Miz at 2:06. Squash.

Reigns tells Orton to bring it on and the fight is on. They head outside with Orton being sent into the steps and the German announcers’ table. Randy comes back with some chair shots and takes the chair inside. The RKO through the chair is countered though and Reigns nails him with the chair. A Superman Punch sends Orton to the floor to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the best here but the action and storytelling stuff was solid enough. This was a VERY quick two hours and that’s more than you can say about the three hour Raw. They didn’t let anything stay out there long enough to drag and it was a good fallout show from Summerslam. More than anything else though, we saw the Bellas ONCE. That’s such a nice change of pace.

Results
Seth Rollins b. Jack Swagger via countout
Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton went to a no contest
Natalya b. Paige – Sharpshooter
Stardust/Goldust b. Wyatt Family – Rollup to Harper
Roman Reigns b. The Miz – Spear

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Smackdown
Date: May 16, 2014
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re back in WCW country now but the interesting thing is the lack of a healthy WWE Champion. Daniel Bryan has been forced out of action by neck surgery, meaning we’re likely to have the title vacated in the near future. Other than that we’re still focused on the Shield vs. Evolution which will likely get a lot of TV time tonight, along with Cena vs. Wyatt. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Daniel Bryan announcing his neck surgery from Monday. He promises he’ll be back.

Here’s Cena to get things going. We get a quick video of Bray Wyatt mentioning a last man standing match on Raw. First up though, Cena wishes Daniel Bryan the best and hopes he gets back soon. That brings Cena around to Bray, who he knows can’t want a last man standing match. Bray doesn’t have the heart to get into a match where there are no rules and you have to beat your opponent so senseless that they can’t answer the count of ten. Cena has been in those kind of matches before and knows what they’re like.

Bray is a far more intelligent person than that because he doesn’t have any of the dozen words Cena uses for testicles. Cena accepts the challenge for a last man standing match at Payback. However that leaves us with nothing to do tonight, so Cena thinks we should have a fight. He makes an open challenge to any member of the Wyatt Family and Bray gets to make the pick. Cena bets that Bray won’t pick himself but here’s Wyatt to answer.

Bray says Cena doesn’t know him as well as he thinks he does. Wyatt walks with monsters and sings with spirits while Cena’s world begs on its knees for mercy. Now comes the end of the story. Whoever shall be the last man standing will conquer all, but whoever loses will be trapped in the prison of his own thoughts. Cena can make all the jokes he wants but Bray wants to thank him. John has opened Bray’s mind and shown him the key to all of Bray’s problems. His cure will take the air from Cena’s lungs. The challenge for tonight is accepted.

Bolieve!

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Usos

Non-title. Goldust and Jey get us going with the Uso being run over by a shoulder block and taking an atomic drop. Some armdrags take Goldust down as Cole tells us about Cody celebrating about his win over Sandow on Raw. Speaking of Cody he comes in off a missile dropkick and cranks on a hammerlock. It’s not good enough to prevent a tag though as Jimmy comes in and works on an armbar of his own.

The champions start their fast tags to stay on Cody with a double elbow drop for two. Cody fights over and tags in Goldie for some elbows of his own. Rhodes low bridges Jey to the floor to take over in a rather heelish move. We take a break and come back with Cody whipping Jey into the corner for another near fall. Goldust sends Jey’s weakened arm into the post and gets two off a powerslam.

Back to Rhodes who stays on the arm but gets caught by a shot to the ribs. Goldust saves the hot tag but gets sent to the floor, allowing Jimmy to come in. The Samoan drop and running Umaga attack are good for two on Rhodes. Everything breaks down with Goldust and Jey fighting to the floor. The Disaster Kick lays Jimmy out but Jey makes the save. Jimmy comes back with the superkick and the Superfly Splash is good for the pin at 8:20 shown of 10:50.

Rating: C. Basic but well done match here with both teams looking fine. This was much more interesting than watching Cody have a two minute singles match that goes nowhere for the same purpose. It could also play up the idea of Cody not being able to do anything with Goldust around and wanting to do everything on his own.

Cody is upset post match and leaves on his own.

El Torito vs. Heath Slater

Slater holds up a cape for no apparent reason and gets gored from behind. Heath slams him down and kicks Torito around with his boot before posing a bit. Torito tries to fight back but Slater holds him back with one hand. Horny tries to come in but hits Slater by mistake, allowing Torito to hit a moonsault press for the pin at 2:18.

We recap Shield vs. Evolution on Monday.

Natalya vs. Nikki Bella

Eva Marie is guest referee for no apparent reason. Natalya takes her down to start and we get a nice bridge up into an attempted backslide. A discus lariat gets two on Nikki but she comes back with a kind of facebuster for two. Natalya comes back with a surfboard but Nikki rolls backwards into a cradle for the pin at 2:30. Again they were there for how they looked in their outfits, but this was WAY better than Raw.

Dolph Ziggler is in the back and says that Batista is the weak link of Evolution. He can’t just come back and be the star that he once was. Tonight the Show Off is going to show Batista up.

Batista vs. Dolph Ziggler

Feeling out process to start with Ziggler actually knocking Batista out to the floor. Big Dave pulls him out as well and sends Dolph hard into the steps. Back in and Dolph is whipped into the corner before a suplex gets two. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds, followed by a wicked spinebuster to put Ziggler down. Ziggler punches out of the Batista Bomb and comes back with a DDT to put both guys down. Batista misses a charge into the post and Dolph hammers away until Batista hits him low for the DQ at 4:32.

Rating: C-. These guys have always had good chemistry together, even back when Dolph was first starting out in the WWE. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but it’s nice to see Ziggler hanging in there with Batista. I really wouldn’t mind seeing these guys get a nice long match someday which isn’t something I’d think I’d say about Batista.

Batista lays out Ziggler post match, powerbombing him onto the barricade.

Titus O’Neil vs. Sheamus

Non-title and fallout from a few weeks ago when Titus jumped Sheamus before a match, only to get beaten in about 40 seconds. Before the match this time, Titus says Sheamus didn’t even pin anyone for the title. He shouldn’t be US Champion because he’s not from the United States. On top of that, everyone in the company is tough, including Titus. He gives Sheamus a chance to get out of the ring before the match. Bell, Brogue Kick, Sheamus laughs, pin at 15 seconds. According to a live report, Titus called Sheamus “hot mayonnaise white”, which must have been edited out.

Byron Saxton tries to interview Adam Rose but Adam is more interested in a cheeseburger. He has no issue with Jackie Swagger, even though he finds Zeb and Jack boring. A big lemon comes out of the bus and Byron declares himself a Rosebud. Someone puts a clown wig on Saxton’s head and he starts dancing.

Bolieve!

Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow

This is the result of Sandow’s open challenge. Sandow hammers away to start but misses a charge into the corner, gets caught with the Cobra and pinned in 40 seconds.

Post match Sandow goes on a rant about what a great soldier he is and how the fans love it when the smart guy loses. However someone keeps leaving the mic on, which cues the mic guy to cut the sound. This might go somewhere if Sandow ever got to say anything.

Video of Cena at the Susan G. Komen rally in Washington DC.

R-Truth vs. Cesaro

Truth is a North Carolina boy so the fans are even more into him. Before the match we get the usual schtick from Heyman, this time focusing on the truth of Brock Lesnar conquering the Streak, and Cesaro winning the Andre battle royal being what’s up. Cesaro jumps Truth during WHAT’S UP but Truth does his backflip into the side kick for two. The ax kick misses though and it’s Swiss Death into the Neutralizer for the pin at 1:15.

The Raw ReBound talks about Bryan being attacked after his announcement of requiring neck surgery. The update says Bryan’s surgery was a success. Another update will be coming on Monday, along with an announcement on the future of the title.

It’s time for the main event and all three Wyatts surround Cena. This brings out the Usos to even things up as we take a break.

John Cena vs. ???

Bray selects Erick Rowan to do the dirty work tonight. Rowan takes it right to Cena in the corner before slamming him down in the middle of the ring. John fights back with right hands but runs into a back elbow to the jaw. Cena is thrown to the floor and then into the steps, right in front of Wyatt. Back in and Erick does the two fist head vice before throwing him right back to the floor.

John gets back in and Rowan runs him over again before we hit the bearhug. A modified Boss Man Slam gets two on Cena but he fights back with the ProtoBomb and Shuffle. Cena dives into a fall away slam followed by a splash in the corner. Not that it matters as Cena grabs the STF, drawing in Harper. Jey easily takes him out though and a dive to the floor drops Harper again. Rowan busts out a claw slam of all things for two, only to walk into the AA for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: C. That’s the beauty of minions for Wyatt. On top of that it was a decent power match with Rowan continuing to look fine. He and Harper have a future as a tag team and likely will get the shot against the Usos at Payback. It’ll be a solid power vs. speed match and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Overall Rating: C-. This was another meaningless Smackdown but there are far worse ways to spend a Friday night. Like reading through all the people running off at the mouth about the stock falling. The short matches worked in a way as I didn’t have time to get annoyed or bored with a lot of the lame acts. Some story progression took place, but everything is kind of in limbo due to the impending announcement about the title and the European tour.

Results
Usos b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Superkick to Rhodes
El Torito b. Heath Slater – Moonsault press
Nikki Bella b. Natalya – Cradle
Dolph Ziggler b. Batista via DQ when Batista hit him low
Sheamus b. Titus O’Neil – Brogue Kick
Santino Marella b. Damien Sandow – Cobra
Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer
John Cena b. Erick Rowan – Attitude Adjustment

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Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

This is all about Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart. The main event is an hour long Iron Man Match with Bret defending against the absolutely on fire Shawn Michaels. Since returning last May, Shawn has hit a stride where he is without a doubt the best in the world. There’s almost nothing else on the entire card other than Undertaker vs. Diesel as the Streak finally has a big match included. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the dream of the champion (to stay on top) and the challenger (to rise to the top of the mountain). They make the match feel like a very big deal which is the right idea. Good stuff.

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Camp Cornette is Vader/Owen Hart/British Bulldog and if they lose, Yoko gets five minutes alone with Cornette. Of all the music for the faces to come out to, they pick Yoko’s? The monsters brawl to start and Yoko takes him down with a clothesline. Another one sends Vader to the floor and Ahmed hits a big dive over the top to take Vader down again. Back in and they slug it out some more before it’s off to Owen. Yoko is so fat here it’s amazing that he can move.

After Owen gets beaten up a bit it’s back to Vader for more hard shots to the head. Vader pounds him down to the mat but Yoko is able to get over to Ahmed for a not hot tag. Johnston starts cleaning house on everyone until Vader gets in a shot from behind to take him down. A jumping senton misses Ahmed though and a flying clothesline puts Vader down.

We settle down to Johnsn vs. Bulldog with Ahmed loading up the Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb), only to have Hart hit a missile dropkick to break it up. Owen drags him back to the corner and here’s more Vader. A splash crushes Johnson but there’s still no cover. Back to Owen who is clotheslined down almost immediately and there’s the real hot tag to Jake. Oh and Mr. Fuji is in the face corner with an American flag.

Owen avoids the DDT and Jake charges into a knee in the corner. Bulldog puts on the front facelock so the fans chant USA. At least most of the face team is made in America this time. Back to Vader for the hard clothesline and a slam, followed by a top rope elbow from Owen. That gets two so Owen cranks back on both of Jake’s arms for a bit. Bulldog comes in but the powerslam only gets two as well. It was a clean kickout too which is pretty odd to see.

Vader comes in for a splash but THAT only gets two as well. The fans don’t seem all that interested in this though. Bulldog tries a splash of his own but Roberts rolls away to buy himself some time. The other hot tag brings in Yoko to face Vader with the latter being punched down in the corner. Yoko cleans house on all three villains and crushes Bulldog with a belly to belly. The DDT hits Owen but Jake has to take out an interfering Cornette. Jake loads up the DDT on Cornette but Vader runs him over and the Vader Bomb is finally enough to pin Roberts.

Rating: C. Nice tag match here but the crowd doesn’t seem interested in the show so far. Hopefully they’re just saving it up for the main event which is the only match that matters on the entire show. Johnson looked good and would get pushed to the Intercontinental Title soon after this. The other guys all looked like themselves.

We recap Piper vs. Goldust which was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor got in trouble for drugs. The idea is that Goldust is in lust with Piper but the REAL MAN Piper will have none of this gay stuff. The result is a Hollywood Backlot Brawl which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

This was taped earlier in the day. Goldust shows up in a gold Cadillac while Piper has a ball bat in hands. Naturally he puts that down and sprays the car with a fire hose. When the power of WATER doesn’t stop a large car, Roddy breaks through the windows with the bat. Piper beats up Goldust with the bat and some stiff looking shots with fists and various metal objects.

Goldust gets sprayed with the hose and rammed into the hood of the car. There’s a knee drop from Piper which mainly hits car followed by a LOUD punch. A low blow stops Piper so Goldie gets in the car and runs over a stuntman in a Piper costume. Goldust drives away so Piper steals a white Ford Bronco and we get a car chase which we’ll return to later. I’ll save the rating for the end of part two later on.

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Austin debuted late last year and is the Million Dollar Champion at this point. Savio was Austin’s first feud in the WWF, which says a lot about how far Stone Cold would jump up the card in just a year. Savio says he’s ready. Vega pounds away to start and they brawl to the floor. Back in and Austin gets in a shot to the face before sending Savio’s shoulder into the post. This is back when Austin could MOVE as he didn’t have a bad neck so the offense is very different. He’s also ripped with well defined abs.

Austin cranks on the arm but Savio backflips out and hits a superkick for two. Roddy calls in and says he’s not letting it end this way. Savio goes shoulder first into the post again and we lose Piper. What a shame. We hit the armbar as Austin is in full control. There’s a hammerlock slam as Piper is back on the phone and talking about beating Goldust up in Tijuana. Vega comes back with a fast cross body for two but Austin comes back with the Thesz Press which doesn’t mean anything for him yet.

We go split screen to show “Piper” chasing Goldust in the Cadillac. This is from the air because clearly a helicopter is available in 10 minutes’ notice. This is supposed to be a parody of the O.J. Simpson car chase, which was only two years earlier. Austin goes up top (I told you he was different) but jumps into a boot. There’s a clothesline to put Austin down but a spinwheel kick hits the referee by mistake. DiBiase slides in the Million Dollar Belt and Vega is KO’d. Another shot to the back of the head and a chinlock of all things are enough for Austin to get the win.

Rating: C+. Bad Piper references aside, this was pretty solid stuff. Austin was AWESOME back in the day before he had to basically invent the brawling style that he made famous. Vega wasn’t much out there, but at least he was good enough to make Austin look solid. This was a fun match, but again no one cared because the main event and one other match are all that matter.

More car chase stuff. Vince: “This footage looks awfully familiar.”

We recap the Undertaker’s mind games with Diesel lately that set up the other big match tonight. Diesel says Undertaker is a big obstacle but he doesn’t sweat the big things.

More car chase stuff.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

HHH debuts Sable as his latest good looking valet. This is Warrior’s latest return and the story was he might weigh 400lbs and be bald. Warrior of course is fine and the fans go nuts for him. Warrior’s entrance is far longer than the match. HHH jumps Warrior before he takes his coat off and and actually hits the Pedigree. That goes nowhere though as Warrior is on his feet at the same time HHH is. Clotheslines, shoulder blocks, press slam and splash mean we’re done. The match didn’t even last two minutes.

We go to the back and meet the debuting Marc Mero. He talks about being glad to be here when HHH comes up (with Mero’s real life wife Sable) and a brawl erupts.

Piper is on his way back to the arena.

Diesel vs. Undetaker

So Diesel cost Undertaker a title match so Undertaker pulled Diesel through the ring during a cage match for the title against Bret. Then Taker did his usual mind games against Diesel, setting up this battle of the titans. Diesel jumps him to start and the brawl is on fast. Taker clotheslines him down but misses an elbow drop. They fight to the floor with Diesel going face first into the steps. This is fast paced stuff so far.

Back in and Diesel avoids Old School, only to get stunned on the top rope. We head back to the floor where Undertaker’s chair shot hits the post instead of Diesel. Diesel rams him back first into the post and then does it again for good measure. Back in again and Diesel slows things up by punching Taker in the face a few times. Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince) hits and there’s the running crotch attack in 619 position to Undertaker.

The Dead Man starts slugging back and they both hit big boots to put each other down. Taker sits up first but Diesel hits him in the back to get control again. Off to the bear hug that you knew was coming sooner or later. Taker finally fights out of it and things slow down again. Notice that the fans are into this one, unlike anything in the first hour of the show. Taker hits a clothesline off the top for a somewhat delayed two count.

Out of nowhere Diesel hits the Jackknife but he can’t follow up. Actually he can but he would rather stand around and brag for awhile. Taker sits up so there’s another Jackknife for good measure. Diesel takes forever to cover though and Taker grabs him by the throat. They get to their feet and it looks to be chokeslam time, only for Diesel to break it up with a belly to back suplex. Taker sits up again and there’s the running clothesline. A pretty bad chokeslam puts Diesel down and the Tombstone makes Undertaker 5-0.

Rating: B-. For what it was, this was pretty solid stuff. Undertaker looked better than he usually does and it was really in doubt if he could hang with someone that had just come off a year long world title reign. This was probably the turning point for the Dead Man from monster of the week slayer to big time threat to anyone. He would soon be tested by a debuting Mankind, which would change his career forever.

Goldie and Piper get back to the arena so let’s get this over with. Goldust is back first and is exhausted from the driving. He and Piper stumble into the arena so I guess the “match” has been going on for an hour now.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Note that the Hollywood Backlot Brawl is now a wrestling match in a ring in Anaheim. There’s no referee or anything so they’re just going to fight until it ends. Goldust pounds away and hits some shots to Piper’s leg followed by a low blow. There goes Piper’s shirt as you would expect it to. Goldust mounds him and starts pounding away but an attempt at kissing Piper makes the Hot Scot fire back.

Goldie goes up top but gets crotched down again. From his seat on the top rope though, he grabs Piper and kisses him, sending Piper into a frenzy. The fight is on and Piper, the apparent homophobe, grabs Goldust by the crotch. Goldust gets his own clothes ripped off and Piper kisses him. Well sure why not. Anyway Goldust is wearing either women’s lingerie or some kind of S&M stuff so he bails, giving this to Piper.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling so no rating, but I think you can figure out what I thought of it. Goldust, who was Intercontinental Champion at this point, would feud with various midcarders before getting beaten up by Ahmed Johnson for awhile. Piper would be gone like the next day and in WCW in six months.

We recap Michaels vs. Hart which is about two different paths to get to the top of the world. The question is about who is the best, so we’re going to find out in the hour long Iron Man Match.

Shawn says this is about getting to the top of the mountain.

Bret says everything has come to this point and he wants to wake up the next day with the belt.

Gorilla Monsoon is officially in charge again, taking over from Piper.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

In the famous opening, Shawn’s manager/trainer Jose Lothario comes to the ring alone. He gets on the bottom rope and points to the rafters where a spotlight shines. It’s Shawn, dancing atop the rafters and ziplining down into the crowd. The shot from behind him with the flashbulbs going off was one of the most shown visuals in company history for a long time. Bret just walks to the ring because he’s a bit more laid back. Of course this is an Iron Man Match lasting one hour, most falls in that amount of time wins.

Earl Hebner is the referee because there’s no one else that it could be. He reads the full rules to both guys which is pretty cool to hear actually. Vince says that whoever wins the first decision will win the match. It likely helps that he picked the winner. Feeling out process to start with both guys being tentative to get into anything of note. Granted they’re also likely conserving energy.

Shawn easily escapes a pair of headlocks and they trade some more technical stuff. First bit of psychology: Bret blocks a third try at the same headlock counter that Shawn used both times earlier. We head to the mat with the champion in control via a headlock. Shawn fights up and we get a nice technical sequence resulting in Bret being right back in control with a headlock. Off to a front facelock as the announcers debate which man is stronger. That’s a good question actually.

Back to the headlock which is smart this early in a match like this. Shawn gets up again and fires off some armdrags before hooking an armbar. Freddie Blassie and Stu Hart are in the front row. They run the ropes a few times until Bret takes it back to the mat, only to be caught in a kind of abdominal stretch on the mat. They go into the corner and Shawn fires off some right hands, only to be sent into the other corner. Shawn is cool with that as he sends Bret to the floor with a headscissors. Fifty minutes left.

Back in and Shawn puts on an armbar but Bret throws him over the top. It’s Shawn though so he skins the cat and hooks the armbar again to put Bret down. Bret comes back with a shot to the ribs and a headbutt to the abdomen to take over. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Michaels escapes with a jawbreaker. There’s a Fujiwara Armbar on the champ but Bret nips up and catches Shawn in a kind of spinebuster.

The Sharpshooter doesn’t work though so he clotheslines Shawn to the floor. The fans aren’t sure what to think of that. Bret heads to the floor and gets sent into the post which makes him stagger into the timekeeper. We’ve got 45 minutes left as Shawn misses Sweet Chin Music on Bret, hitting the timekeeper by mistake and knocking him out cold. Back in and Bret hooks another chinlock as the timekeeper gets stretchered out.

As the chinlock goes on for almost three minutes we see the problem with this match: it doesn’t need to be an Iron Man Match. Yeah it’s kind of cool that it did went an hour but it would have been fine as a regular match that went like 45 minutes or something like that. The drama would have been better too and we wouldn’t have long rest holds like this. I can’t blame the wrestlers for resting like that as it’s not fair to ask them to go nuts for an hour, but it doesn’t make for the most interesting TV in the world.

Shawn finally gets up but can’t get an O’Connor Roll. Instead he hits a dropkick and grabs another armbar to take Bret down. Shawn cranks on the arm even harder with 40 minutes to go. Now we hit the hammerlock as the crowd is pretty silent. Back up and Shawn sends Bret’s shoulder into the post to give him the biggest advantage yet. There’s a shoulderbreaker to the champion followed by a double ax from the middle rope to the shoulder.

Bret starts firing off punches but Shawn comes back with a DDT on the arm. There’s a cross armbreaker but Shawn breaks it after one pull. Now it goes on full but Bret fights up and rakes his boot across Shawn’s face to break the hold. That’s rather heelish no? Back to the armbar but Hart counters into a kind of middle rope hot shot. Shawn fights back but misses a Stinger Splash in the corner, giving Bret his first advantage in a long time.

The bulldog puts Shawn down so Bret goes up top. That’s an odd sight for him and Shawn tries to slam him down, only to get pulled down to the mat by his hair. Bret hit the referee on the way down and we’re at halftime. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two but a backdrop attempt is countered into a piledriver which gets two for the champion. Bret goes up again but gets slammed down.

Michaels starts speeding things up with a standing hurricanrana but Bret hangs onto the ropes to avoid the superkick. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn but Hart bails to the floor to avoid the kick again. Instead Shawn goes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take the champ down. Back in and Shawn skins the cat, only to get caught in a small package for two. A Perfectplex gets two for Shawn and he hooks a sleeper. Hart gets his arm up on the second drop so Shawn rams him into the corner again.

Michaels charges at Bret but gets backdropped up and over the post and out to the floor in a great looking crash. Bret goes out to get him though which isn’t the brightest idea in the world. Back in and Bret works over Shawn’s injured back before dropping a leg for no cover. We’ve got twenty minutes left and Bret stomps away on the back. Shawn is flipped upside down in the corner and there’s a belly to back superplex for a close two.

We hit the camel clutch for a few minutes before Shawn fights up again. Hart tries a superplex but has to settle for punching a jumping Shawn in the ribs. Michaels gets whipped into the corner and it’s a Flair Flip to the floor where Shawn accidentally kicks Jose in the head. Out to the floor and Bret whips Shawn into the steps, knocking Jose down again. We head back inside with fifteen minutes to go.

A belly to belly suplex gets two for Bret so it’s time for a slugout. An O’Connor roll doesn’t work for Shawn as Bret kicks him out to the floor on the kickout. A suicide dive takes Shawn down again and we’ve got twelve minutes left. Back in again and Bret hits a German suplex for two. They slug it out but Shawn can’t hang with Bret at this point. Hart is too exhausted to follow up though so it’s back to the camel clutch.

Ten minutes to go now and the camel clutch eats up about two of that. It’s off to a regular chinlock with eight minutes to go and Shawn fights up. They clothesline each other down and more time is being burned up. A superplex puts Shawn down again but he STILL manages to block the Sharpshooter. Hart settles for a half crab as the punishment on the back continues. Shawn makes a rope but gets taken down by a backbreaker with five minutes to go.

Bret loads up his middle rope elbow but jumps into a boot to put both guys down again. A dropkick puts Bret in the corner as Shawn gets his nineteenth win according to Shawn. Four minutes to go now. There’s the flying forearm and the nip up (the camera misses it) as Shawn picks up the speed. A jumping back elbow puts Hart down and a top rope spinning ax handle gets two. The top rope elbow hits with two and a half minutes left. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb gets no cover with two minutes to go.

Shawn busts out a moonsault press for two as Bret is trying to hang on. Ninety seconds left and Shawn hits a middle rope rana for two more. Shawn slams him down and goes up top but he can’t follow up with a minute left. Shawn tries another rana but jumps into the Sharpshooter with thirty three seconds left in the match. The place is going NUTS but Shawn amazingly holds out until the time limit expires.

BUT WAIT!

As Bret leaves, Gorilla Monsoon orders the match to continue under sudden death rules. As Bret puts it: why? This was never agreed to and Bret is indeed getting screwed here. The bell rings and Bret is TICKED. He goes after Shawn’s back and hits a big backdrop. Bret whips Shawn into the corner, and in one of two moments that made me jump to my feet when I was watching it live, Shawn jumps over Bret out of the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music to put both guys down. Michaels gets up, tunes up the band, and kicks Bret’s head off for the pin and his first world title.

Rating: B. After an hour and five minutes of this match, there’s one word that can sum it up: LONG. That’s the problem here: it did not need to be an hour long and would have been much better suited as a regular one on one match. Either that or have a few falls in between, as having it be one very long glorified one on one match makes the stipulation seem pretty lame. The psychology is good though and it’s not a bad match by any means. It just could have had over 20 minutes cut out and you could have had the same match, and that’s not a good sign. Oh and what happened to Bret’s shoulder injury?

Bret, ever the mature one, storms off like a baby with the ability to walk as Shawn is awarded the title. Shawn has a very touching moment when he realizes he finally won the title and is very somber. Then he turns into Shawn and goes nuts celebrating which he deserves the right to do.

Overall Rating: C+. The show isn’t terrible but the main problem is that it’s almost a one match show. Now to be fair there’s a five match card (not counting the brawl) and two of the matches are quite good, but the problem is that this was basically a four man show. It’s certainly not terrible, but it feels incomplete due to one match being about half the show. Bret vs. Shawn is worth seeing, but make sure you have a remote in your hand.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

Redo: C

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

I guess it gets better over time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

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