Great American Bash 2007 (2021 Redo): The Vibe Man, The Vibe

Great American Bash 2007
Date: July 22, 2007
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,034
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s a bit of a weird show as we have the big fight between John Cena and Bobby Lashley for the Raw World Title, but the Smackdown World Title is a little screwy. Edge was forced to vacate the title due to an injury, with Great Khali becoming the new champion via a battle royal. Therefore, it’s Khali defending against Kane and Batista in the big hoss fight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how the fireworks will begin before running down the big matches.

US Title: MVP vs. Matt Hardy

MVP is defending and gets driven into the corner for a clean break to start. Hardy already has him bailing out to the floor before it’s time to fight over wrist control back inside. MVP’s wristlock is countered with a roll to the floor, meaning Hardy can score with an over the top dive. Back in and MVP knocks him down again though, setting up a crossarm choke. Hardy fights up again and hits a suplex for two, with MVP bailing to the floor again.

They head back inside, where Matt gets pulled off the ropes for a nasty crash. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy again but he hits a desperation knockdown. Hardy gets caught on top though and a superplex gives MVP a delayed near fall. A belly to back superplex is countered into a crossbody (or bulldog according to Cole) and Hardy starts slugging away.

Now a middle rope elbow to the back of a standing MVP (again, a bulldog according to Cole, which is close enough this time) gets two and the Side Effect gets the same, with the fans WAY into this. Another Side Effect is countered into a cradle to give MVP two of his own but he misses the running boot in the corner. The Twist of Fate is countered as well though and now the running boot drops Hardy. The Playmaker retains MVP’s title.

Rating: B-. This took some time to get going but then they were rolling by the end. I’m a bit surprised by the ending as Hardy had been on a roll and they were hyping up his first major singles title win, but maybe they’re saving it for later. Still though, good choice for an opener here and the fans were way into Hardy’s near falls.

Dusty Rhodes is ready for Randy Orton and doesn’t know why everyone is so somber around here. He isn’t laying down for Orton because he isn’t done around here, so it’s time for Orton’s back to crack and liver to quiver. Respect is promised, which sends Dusty into a story about a bull looking down the hill at some cows. Then the bull said moo. As much as I want to mock this for being insane….it’s Dusty.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero, Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Funaki, Jamie Noble,

Chavo Guerrero is defending in a bonus match and it’s one fall to a finish. Hold on though as here is Hornswoggle to dive across the ring and then hide underneath. Chavo gets jumped to start and sent outside, leaving everyone else to go after each other. Yang and Noble are left alone in the ring until Chavo is back in to rock Yang with a belly to back suplex. Noble powerslams Yang for two but gets sent outside, heaving Chavo to half crab Yang.

Funaki breaks that up with an enziguri as everyone is back in to keep up the brawling. Noble counters Funaki’s tornado DDT into an armbar but Chavo breaks it up again. The Gory Bomb hits Funaki and there are Two Amigos to Yang, with Noble making a save. A big dive takes out Funaki so Moore hits Yang in the head. Yang goes up but gets taken down with the Tower of Doom. With Noble down, Hornswoggle comes back in with a Tadpole Splash for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Normally I would get annoyed at a comedy act winning the title, but the thing has been so worthless for such a long time now that this is almost an upgrade. WWE does not care about the title so just let them move along to something else. The action was rather fast paced as it should be in this case, but the ending is all that matters here. Somehow it might be an upgrade, which should tell you everything you need to know about the cruiserweight division at the moment.

Hornswoggle goes back underneath the ring and then runs up the ramp to escape the angry mob.

Video on Bobby Lashley’s rise to the top of the company.

Sandman vs. Carlito

Singapore cane on a pole. Carlito spits at Sandman to get the chase going before the match, because ticking off Sandman is a good idea. After a lockup, they both go after the cane because that’s kind of the point. A hammerlock of all things has Carlito down so Sandman goes for the cane but has to backdrop Carlito outside.

Back in and Carlito hammers away a bit, setting up a dropkick to put Sandman down for a change. It’s too early for Carlito to get the cane so he tries again, with Sandman pulling him down this time. Carlito’s springboard back elbow is blocked so Sandman gets the cane, only to get caught in the Backstabber to give Carlito the pin.

Rating: D. So not only did they have a bad match, but then the whole point of the thing wound up being a big waste of time. This was one of the weaker things on a WWE pay per view in a long time now and it isn’t even like it was there to let fans come down from something else. Bad stuff here, and not the best sign for Sandman’s future.

Randy Orton isn’t happy that he has to face Dusty Rhodes, who is going to get hurt like Shawn Michaels.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and gets taken down by an armbar to start. That’s broken up so Michelle goes with a headlock takeover, setting up a bridge into a backslide to give Melina two. A running Blockbuster drops Melina as they’re going with more wrestling this time. Melina catches her in the corner with the middle rope knees to the ribs, setting up the screaming. JR: “Melina with the guttural passion!” Lawler: “WHAT???”

The double arm crank doesn’t last long for Melina as Candice fights up to start the comeback. A high crossbody gets two but Melina grabs a neckbreaker (into the splits) for the same. Candice is right back with a jawbreaker into a standing bulldog (the Candy Wrapper) to retain.

Rating: C. It wasn’t the best match, but Candice is getting better and better in the ring every week. You can see the change in quality over the last few months and that is a great thing to see. The matches still aren’t great, but I can always go for people trying to get better and actually making it happen.

Wrestlemania is in Orlando.

Matt Hardy gives Jeff Hardy a pep talk before his Intercontinental Title match. Then Candice Michelle shows up and pours water over herself as special music plays. The Hardys are impressed, setting up the Ron Simmons cameo.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is defending and wastes no time in knocking Hardy outside. Hardy gets sent into the apron but comes back with the jawbreaker inside. Not that it matters as Umaga plants him with a Samoan drop, setting up a rather large legdrop. Some hard whips into the corner bang up Hardy’s back so we hit the logical nerve hold. Hardy fights up but gets pulled down by the head, meaning the hold can go on again.

Another escape goes a bit faster so Umaga takes him down again, setting up some springboard seated sentons to the chest. The swinging Rock Bottom gets two and dang the crowd reacts to the kickout. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt though and Hardy knocks him outside. There’s the first dive, setting up the basement dropkick for two back inside. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton gets a delayed two but Umaga superkicks him into the corner. The running hip attack sets up the Samoan Spike to retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was right in Hardy’s wheelhouse: fighting a match where he gets beaten into oblivion for a long time and then comes back to nearly win in the end. There are very few people who can make the fans believe in him like Hardy can and it was on full display here. Heck of a performance and I could see this one getting a rematch.

Video on John Cena’s rise to the top of WWE to become WWE Champion.

ECW World Title: John Morrison vs. CM Punk

Morrison is defending after switching from Johnny Nitro to Morrison earlier this week. They go to the mat to start with Punk working on a hammerlock. That’s switched into a headlock to keep Morrison in trouble before Punk hits a slingshot suplex for two. A monkey flip sends Morrison onto his face and then out to the floor for a breather. Punk follows, only to be dropped face first onto the steps.

Back in and Punk is fine enough to try the GTS but Morrison slips out and kicks him in the face. A belly to back faceplant gives Morrison two and it’s time to stomp away. Punk is back with his own strikes though, including a discus lariat into a flapjack for two. An exchange of rollups get two each before Punk opts to kick him in the head instead. The corner knee looks to set up the bulldog but Morrison bails to the floor. Punk throws him back in and loads up the springboard clothesline but gets kneed/kicked out of the air to retain Morrison’s title.

Rating: C. This was a quick one and the ending was rather sudden. It wouldn’t surprise me if this was clipped a bit as they seemed to be getting started when they wrapped up. Punk losing another match to Morrison is a little weird, but they’re making Morrison seem like a bigger deal as champion. The problem is he doesn’t have many serious challengers so odds are we’ll be seeing a rematch between these two soon.

We recap Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Orton in a Texas Bullrope match. Orton doesn’t like Dusty’s son Cody and slapped both of them. Throw in Dusty being a legend and the violence is out of Orton’s hands. The classic clips and promos here are good enough to make this worth a look.

Randy Orton vs. Dusty Rhodes

Texas Bullrope match, but with pin/submission rules. Orton stalls before being tied to the rope (as expected) and then does it again for a bonus. The third attempt finally works and it’s Orton missing an early swing. Instead, Dusty crotches Orton with the rope and then uses it to pull him hard into the post. Orton’s attempt to get out is cut off with another hard pull on the rope but he comes back with some bell shots to the knee.

We hit the chinlock, with the rope being wrapped around Dusty’s face to make it worse. Dusty starts reaching out to the fans to power him up though and Orton gets driven into the corner. That doesn’t seem to matter as Orton pounds away, only to get elbowed in the head. The big elbow misses though and Orton hits him in the head with the bell for the win.

Rating: C-. This was as good as it was going to get, as Dusty was retired from wrestling at this level and there was no way he was going to beat the biggest heel on Raw. It was nice to see Dusty get that one last entrance for his signature match and he even got to do some of his stuff, making this more of a tribute than anything else. This would be Dusty’s last match, at least on any kind of a big stage.

Post match Orton loads up the Punt but Cody Rhodes runs in for the save.

We recap the triple threat for the Smackdown World Title. Great Khali won the vacant title on Smackdown (as Edge was injured, again) and then interrupted a #1 contenders match between Kane and Batista setting up the triple threat.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali vs. Kane

Khali is defending and holds the title upside down again. Batista and Khali get knocked down at the same time to start and some individual clotheslines do it again. Something like a spinwheel kick drops Batista again and we’re already in the nerve hold. Kane makes the save so Khali nerve holds him instead. Batista’s save earns him a chokeslam, followed by a second to Kane.

They head outside with some double teaming working a bit better, including a posting to rock Khali. A double chokeslam/spinebuster puts Khali through the announcers’ table and it’s down to the two normal sized monsters. Back in and Batista hits a powerslam for two but Kane drops him again. Khali comes back in and gets chokeslammed (work with me here) but Batista clotheslines Kane to the floor. With Khali on the floor, the Batista Bomb plants Kane, with Khali making a fast(ish) save. Batista is sent into the steps and it’s the chokebomb to Kane to retain the title.

Rating: C. Another match where they were smart to keep it short, but what mattered here was managing to have Khali outside or at least limited for most of the time. Kane and Batista did their power match stuff and Khali came in when he needed to, making this about as good as it could have been. Khali isn’t very good, but there are ways to hide that to a certain extent.

Khali manages to hold the title the right way up!

HHH is coming back at Summerslam.

Here are King Booker and Queen Sharmell for a chat. Booker isn’t pleased with this HHH nonsense because he is the one king around here. That brings him to Jerome Lawler, who Booker wants in the ring to surrender his crown. Lawler tells him to come take it, which Booker calls an act of treason. I guess we’ll deal with that later though.

We recap John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley for the Raw World Title. Various stars and legends give their picks because this is presented as a dream match. Cena has been champion for a long time but Lashley is the young up and comer who seems ready to win the title. Showdown abounds.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley

Cena is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. They go with the big power lockup to start and Cena is driven into the corner for a rare visual. The test of strength has Cena down but he fights back up as they’re channeling a bit of Warrior vs. Hogan here. Lashley wrestles him down a few times so Cena tries a headlock. With that not working, the threat of the STF sends Lashley bailing to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Cena scores with the bulldog, setting up an elbow drop for two. The fisherman’s suplex gives Cena the same but Lashley is back with a t-bone suplex. Back up and Lashley hits a side slam for two and we hit the somewhat delayed suplex for the same. A quick Throwback gets Cena out of trouble and the top rope Fameasser rocks Lashley again. Back up and Lashley lifts him up for something like a gutbuster onto the shoulder, setting up a bodyscissors to stay on the ribs.

Commentary can’t remember Cena ever wrestling a challenger with this kind of amateur abilities as Cena fights up and hits the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle connects but Lashley grabs a powerslam for another near fall. The torture rack dropped into a backbreaker looks to set up the running powerslam but Cena slips out and hits an FU. That’s good for a very delayed two and Cena charges into an elbow in the corner.

The spear is countered into the STFU in the middle of the ring (JR is having a blast calling this) but Lashley powers over to the ropes. Lashley pops up with a spear for two so he loads Cena up top, only to get reversed into a super FU (with Cena staying on top instead of going down with him) to retain the title.

Rating: B. It was a big match and a heck of a showdown, though it didn’t quite make it to the next level. What mattered here is they felt like it was a dream match, though Cena just winning again in the end was kind of a letdown. They didn’t need to change the title here, but it never became epic. Instead, we just have a rather good match and a B level pay per view main event.

Replays and respect are shown to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B-. The show delivered and possibly even over delivered, but this did feel like a middle of the road level pay per view. There were some good (but not great) matches and that’s enough for a show like the Great American Bash. That being said, this is more about a stepping stone on the way to Summerslam for the huge show, but we got something solid enough here too.

 

 

 

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Great American Bash 2006 (2020 Redo): The Night Of The Evil Enzymes

Great American Bash 2006
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 9,750
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s time for a Smackdown pay per view and the card is actually pretty stacked. This time around the main event is Rey Mysterio defending the World Title against King Booker, but we also have a Punjabi Prison match between Undertaker and Great Khali, plus the big Batista pay per view return. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how everyone has freedom because of America before switching into a look at the show’s biggest matches. Standard but safe theme.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Pit Bulls

The Pit Bulls are challenging as JBL goes on a rant about having to sit next to the Spanish commentary team. Kash and London brawl to the mat to start and it’s an early standoff. The rather rough lockup goes on as commentary talks about the famous teams to wrestle at the Great American Bash over the years. Kendrick comes in off the top but gets caught n the corner, with Noble sending him face first into the buckle.

An armbar takes Noble down though and the champs take turns coming off the top and onto Noble’s arm. Noble manages to send London hard into the buckle but London and Kendrick are right back up with stereo suicide dives to the floor. Back in and a double shoulder gets two on Kendrick, meaning it’s time to rake his face. Noble misses a charge though and gets caught in the ropes, setting up the hot tag to London to clean house.

London gets sent over the ropes though and Skinning The Cat is broken up with a hard dropkick to the floor. Back in again and we hit the chinlock with London not even bothering to stay down very long this time. Kash comes in to choke on the ropes but has to dive at London’s legs to cut off the tag.

London kicks him into Noble for the knockdown though, allowing the hot tag to Kendrick. The pace picks up in a hurry as everything breaks down. Kendrick hits some running dropkicks and the big dive to the floor takes Noble out. Back in and Kash can’t hit the Dead Level, allowing Kendrick to try a top rope sunset flip. He can’t get Kash over, so London adds the Dropsault to knock Kash down, giving Kendrick the cradle pin to retain.

Rating: B. This was as good of a choice of an opener as they had with both teams looking pretty awesome and flying all over the ring, which is a great way to start the show. London and Kendrick can do that style all day and the Pit Bulls are able to hang in there just as well. Heck of an opener here, and hopefully something can hang with it tonight.

Great Khali wants to do something but Daivari wants to know why it has to be now. Daivari is promptly lifted up into the air, leaving his feet flailing away.

Here’s Teddy Long to say that Bobby Lashley can’t compete tonight because he has elevated liver enzymes. Cue Lashley to say to say he’s fine and wants to fight tonight. Teddy says he can’t do that because they have to take a long term view of Lashley’s health. When Lashley is healthy though, he can have a title shot.

Lashley walks to the back so here are William Regal and Finlay, who walk around him in a great visual, to talk to Long. Finlay asks Long to lay some skin on him and Regal has a rather wacky handshake. With the hip part out of the way, Finlay doesn’t buy the liver enzymes theory but wants Teddy to name him the winner by forfeit. Not so fast though because Long has another idea.

US Title: Finlay vs. William Regal

Finlay is defending and JBL goes into a great rant about how he and Ron Simmons drank forever but they never had bad livers. Hold on as wants to check underneath the ring for the Leprechaun. Finlay goes after him and gets hit in the face to start fast. They lock up and head to the floor without letting go before walking up the steps and back inside, again without letting go.

Back in and Regal takes him down by the leg but Finlay flips his way to freedom. A hard toss to the floor has Finlay in trouble but cue the Leprechaun to hit Regal in the leg with the Shillelagh. Regal backs into him and runs away screaming, allowing Finlay to start the exchange of uppercuts. Regal gets the better of things but goes after the Leprechaun again, allowing him to bite Regal’s fingers.

Finlay goes for the leg but gets taken down into a chinlock for his efforts. That’s broken up in a hurry so Finlay sits on his ribs, followed by a chinlock of his own. That doesn’t last long either so they run into each other for a double knockdown. It’s Regal up first with a dropkick of all things for two, followed by a knee drop for the same.

The fans call it boring, with Cole trying his darndest to say it’s because they want to see Lashley. Regal gets tied up in the ring skirt and comes up minus a boot, meaning it’s time for Finlay to stomp on his toes like a villain should. The referee is confused so Regal grabs the Shillelagh, only to have the Leprechaun slip in the boot. A shot to the head and a rollup (with feet on the ropes because of course) retains Finlay’s title.

Rating: C+. It wasn’t a classic but calling this boring is quite a bit too extreme. It was a different style and I can understand the fans not getting into it, but boring was too far. These two have probably had a match like this a hundred times (ok maybe minus the Leprechaun) and you could see how much fun they were having.

Post match the Leprechaun steals the title so Finlay has to kick him back underneath the ring.

Chavo Guerrero gives Rey Mysterio a pep talk and brings up Eddie Guerrero a few times. I think you know where this is going.

Gregory Helms vs. Matt Hardy

Non-title and Hardy is replacing Super Crazy, who was also enzymed (Crazy was never announced for the title match but they weren’t hiding it on Smackdown). Matt drives him into the corner and then armdrags him back out as the fans are behind Hardy here. There’s a headlock takeover to the mat but Helms is right back up, only to have Hardy strike the Hurricane pose. Helms gets sent outside and taken out for a dive, which is good for two back inside.

A quick neck snap across the top rope sets up a running neckbreaker for two on Hardy, followed by a regular neckbreaker for the same. The chinlock goes on but Hardy is back up, meaning Helms has to clothesline him right back down. Helms goes up to mock Matt’s yelling elbow, allowing Matt to punch him out of the air (I wonder what gave Matt the hint). Matt hits a Russian legsweep but takes too long loading up a superplex.

The delay lets Helms nail a super swinging neckbreaker for two, as Matt has to put his foot on the rope. Helms changes things up a bit with a double underhook on the mat with some knees to the face, but Matt fights up again with the Side Effect. There’s the running bulldog out of the corner for two but the Twist of Fate is countered into another hard takedown.

Helms’ running enziguri gets two so he takes Matt up top. The superplex is broken up though and Matt nails a moonsault press, followed by the top rope elbow to the head for his own two. With nothing else working, Matt hammers away in the corner but gets dropped face first onto the turnbuckle. Helms grabs the rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: C+. This worked out well, which isn’t surprising given how well they know each other. Matt wasn’t the most logical replacement, but he’s a lot more interesting than Super Crazy or Psicosis. It would be nice to have had the title on the line, but it’s not like the thing has meant anything in….years really.

Khali is heading towards the ring and doesn’t want to hear from Daivari. Cue Undertaker to throw Daivari aside and go after Khali, only to have Big Show pop up to jump Undertaker. The beatdown is on until referees come in to get rid of the giants.

We recap Great Khali vs. Undertaker. Khali destroyed Undertaker at Judgment Day but now Undertaker is back to fight him in the huge rematch. We’ll throw it in the Punjabi Prison, which hasn’t actually been explained coming into the match. On the way here, Undertaker has had to deal with Big Show and Khali, who have beaten him up more than once.

Daivari, Big Show and Khali run into Teddy Long, who puts Show into the Punjabi Prison instead. Why? No reason given, meaning JBL’s rant about how unfair this is makes sense. And yes, Khali was enzymed as well.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

Non-title and inside the Punjabi Prison. The ring is surrounded by a bamboo cage, but then there is another around the ring to keep them locked up even more than usual. The inner cage has four doors which can be opened, but only for one minute each for the entire match. Once they are locked back, they cannot be opened again, though you can still climb over. There are spikes over the top of the outer wall to prevent anyone from escaping. However, you have to escape that one as well, with the first one escaping to the outside winning.

Show goes after him to start and pounds Undertaker down in the corner, meaning the TAKER chants start up in a hurry. Undertaker strikes away but gets knocked into the cage wall for his efforts. Show charges into a boot though and it’s time to start kicking away at the leg. That’s enough to let Undertaker climb but he gets cut off by the spikes. The delay lets Show catch him on top and drive him into the corner, followed by a hard running clothesline.

Back up and Undertaker sends him into the wall, setting up the running hip attack to knock Show into the cage again. Show grabs a chokeslam attempt, only to get DDTed down. Undertaker asks for the first door to be opened but Show beats him down until the clock runs out. With Undertaker down, Show pulls one of the straps off of the wall (because there are leather straps on the wall). Instead of using it though, Show pulls the turnbuckle pad off, allowing Undertaker to strike away.

The jumping clothesline drops Show and Old School connects, only to have Show knock him down again. The second door is opened, with Undertaker cutting Show off just like Show did to him. That’s enough for the clock to run out so Show hits Undertaker in the face to draw some blood. Show pounds away at the cut before going up, only to get caught with a low blow. The superplex brings Show back down and Undertaker is able to get through the third door.

That door closes so Show goes out of the fourth and catches Undertaker climbing the outer cage. For some reason JBL calls this Undertaker being done and seeing his legend end. I’d guess because he’s kind of into hyperbole. Show gets smart (oh dear) by throwing Undertaker back inside the inner cage before time expires. Undertaker is fine enough to climb the inner cage and step over to the outer one, making that whole RAZOR SHARP SPIKE deal seem pretty stupid.

Show pulls him back down, so Undertaker lays him out again and drops a leg. Now Show is busted open as well and appears to be near tears. Cue Daivari and Khali through the crowd as Undertaker climbs the inner structure and dives onto Show, sending them through the cage. Undertaker falls outside first and that’s enough for the win, meaning JBL suddenly remembers Undertaker is AWESOME.

Rating: D. They were held down by the last minute change here as this would have been better suited for Khali, but sweet goodness imagine how bad he would have been in this thing. The problem is that Undertaker and Big Show do not have the best matches under normal circumstances and this was a messy version of the cage match. I don’t dislike the idea, but they got too complicated for their own good here and it hurt things a lot. That and there is only so much you can do in a rather crazy match like this one.

Sharmell says Booker can become King of the World if he wins tonight. Booker’s accent gets stronger and stronger every week.

Kristal vs. Michelle McCool vs. Ashley vs. Jillian Hall

Bra and panties and the first woman to strip someone else wins. The double catfight is on to start with Jillian chasing Michelle around the ring. That leaves Kristal to take Ashley top off but Michelle comes in. Jillian jumps her but Kristal ties Jillian in the Tree of Woe. That lets Michelle rip the top off as JBL laughs at Cole for talking about the athletic ability. Ashley and Jillian rip the skirts off of Michelle and Kristal but Michelle has a second skirt on for protection. Jillian is back up and jiggles a lot before shoving Kristal’s face into her chest. With Jillian grabbing Kristal’s legs, Ashley rips Kristal’s top off for the win.

Rating: D. I think you get the idea here and they served their purpose well. There was almost nothing resembling wrestling in the whole thing and that is completely understandable. Watching this was a lot easier than watching them try to have a match, but it was pure eye candy and filler after the big match. Just more of the same from the Smackdown women.

Post match Ashley and Jillian de-pants each other. JBL: “WHERE’S THE HOT TUB??? SOMEBODY GET MISS TEXAS AND MY BLACK AMERICAN EXPRESS!”

Miz interviews Mr. Kennedy, who thinks it’s impressive that Batista is getting in the ring with him. Mark Henry didn’t get to beat Batista but Kennedy will. Miz loves the double “KENNEDY” line. It’s hard to fathom that Miz would blow away Kennedy’s accomplishments but that’s wrestling for you.

Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

This was billed as a #1 contenders match on Smackdown but there is no mention of it here. Batista jumps him from behind so Kennedy pokes him in the eye to get away. That just makes Batista knock him to the floor, with Kennedy being busted open early off a ram into the steps. Some right hands don’t do much to Batista but his right hands send Kennedy (who is rather bloody) bailing.

The head fake doesn’t work though as Batista spears him down, only to have Kennedy get in another cheap shot. Some shots to the face and a clothesline put Batista down and there’s a running boot in the corner. Kennedy takes it outside for a ram into the steps and puts on an armbar back inside. Since it’s an armbar, Batista is right back up to send Kennedy shoulder first into the post. Batista chokes in the corner long enough for the DQ.

Rating: D+. They started well (that blood looked good) but then it turned into Kennedy having nothing to hang with Batista. This felt like the kind of match you put Batista in to make it clear that he was on the show and nothing more. The match didn’t make Batista look good and Kennedy was busted open and beaten down by the end, leaving this as just ok at best. That being said, it’s another case where they had no reason to be fighting so they did what they could here.

We recap King Booker vs. Rey Mysterio. Booker won the King of the Ring to gain the crown and went a bit nuts as a result. He has the King’s Court helping him though and won a battle royal to become #1 contender. Mysterio’s title reign is still a complete mess and it seems to be a matter of time before he finally drops the thing to anyone else. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending and Booker, with Sharmell, rides out on a throne. They take their sweet time with the entrances here and it feels like they’re filling in time. Cole calls Mysterio a great American and JBL is just done with him, going into a crazed rant about how horrible Mysterio is. Feeling out process to start with Booker kicking him down and unloading with chops in the corner. Rey is right back with a knockdown of his own and a running legdrop gets one.

Commentary is in an argument over socialism as Booker elbows him in the face and grabbing a hammerlock. A flying mare gets Rey out of trouble but Booker takes him back into the corner for some right hands. Booker misses a charge into the post though and the top rope seated senton to the floor puts him down. Back in and the springboard splash gets two on Booker, who is right back with a sidekick for a near fall of his own. Sharmell even gets in a rake to the eyes to keep Rey in trouble and Booker adds another kick to the face.

The armbar still doesn’t work though and Booker has to send him into the corner to cut off a comeback attempt. Booker goes evil with the Three Amigos but misses the ax kick. It’s too early for a 619 so Rey tries it again, only to be tripped by Sharmell. That’s enough for an ejection so Booker hits a clothesline for two. Booker goes to the middle rope to dive into the raised boots and they’re both down, with Booker holding his knee.

A pop up hurricanrana sets up the springboard spinning crossbody for two on Booker. Rey hits a DDT for the same but the referee gets bumped. The springboard seated senton sets up the 619 into the frog splash but there is no referee. Booker uses the chance to hit a blow blow and the Book End, allowing him to grab a chair. Rey dropkicks it into his face so here’s Chavo Guerrero with his own chair….to knock Mysterio silly. The referee is back in and Booker steals the title.

Rating: C+. It was a good midcard match but this didn’t feel like a World Title pay per view main event. That being said, there was zero reason to consider keeping the title on Mysterio at this point and Booker was the best choice to take the title. Granted I would hope that they could come up with something more interesting than Chavo Guerrero to get rid of him, but the ending was the right call.

A lot of ALL HAIL KING BOOKER’s and some tears take us out.

Overall Rating: C-. This show started off well and then collapsed in a hurry. As usual, it’s a brand exclusive B show so there is only so much that you can get out of the whole thing. Then when you factor in the amount of changes that had to be made due to the enzymes, the show was running with a big anchor. It could have been a lot worse, but thank goodness those early matches were as solid as they were or this could have been in serious trouble.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




NXT – July 8, 2020 (Great American Bash Night Two): Four For Four

IMG Credit: WWE

NXT
Date: July 8, 2020
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips, Beth Phoenix

We wrap up the Great American Bash tonight with the second of two shows. This time around it’s a big one, as NXT Champion Adam Cole faces North American Champion Keith Lee in a title for title match. That could go either way and may be the biggest match NXT TV has ever seen. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Candice LeRae vs. Mia Yim

Street fight and Mia jumps her from behind during the entrances. Yim sends her into the steps and starts throwing the weapons in before the bell. Candice gets in a few kendo stick shots but Mia shrugs them off and hits her even harder. The fans want and receive a tables (well one for now that is) but the extra time lets Candice get in a dropkick through the ropes. Candice can’t suplex her through a table in the corner so they fight outside with Mia being pulled into the post.

Yim comes up favoring her shoulder but is fine enough to send Candice into a bunch of wrestlers in the chairs. Candice is back up to load up another table near a door but Mia sends her through it as we take a break. Back with Candice driving a chair into Mia’s ribs and then pulling out more chairs. Some trashcan lids to the back keep Mia down and the table is laid over the top rope.

They trade kicks to the head for the double knockdown though and it’s time for a breather. Mia sends her into the corner and puts Candice in a trashcan, setting up the running Cannonball. It’s time for brass knuckles but Mia takes too long, allowing Candice to get in a few cheap shots. The chairs are stacked up in the middle of the ring and they go onto the table on the top rope. Mrs. LeRae’s Wild Ride onto the chairs finishes Yim at 15:51.

Rating: B. Yeah that worked rather well as they beat the heck out of each other for a long time. Candice is someone who has seemed ready to break through to the next level for a long time now and hopefully this is the kind of thing that can help get her there. Yim was on here too and it was a rather good match the entire time.

Mark Henry picks Keith Lee to win tonight.

The women are both still down.

Bronson Reed vs. Tony Nese

Nese tries to slug away at the much bigger Reed to start but just knocks himself down. Reed hits a backsplash to send Nese outside but Nese ties him into the ring skirt and hammers away. Back in and reed uses straight power to knock Nese around some more, only to have Nese snap him throat first across the top rope. Reed isn’t having that and runs Nese over again, setting up a top rope splash for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: C. This was all it needed to be as Reed gets back on the winning track after the loss to Karrion Kross. The match was more competitive than I would have expected but Nese is someone who should be able to get in a little offense on someone like Reed. I could go for more of Reed and seeing him get a win like this was a nice thing to see.

Mercedes Martinez is coming.

Robert Stone can’t get Shotzi Blackheart to join his brand. Instead, here’s Killian Dain to yell at him and knock him down. Shotzi runs over Stone’s leg, sending him into screams of agony. I mean, it’s a tank. He might be onto something here.

Johnny Gargano vs. Isaiah Scott

They go technical to start and hit the mat early on with Gargano getting him down by the arm. Scott nips up and sends Gargano outside, meaning it’s a Fosbury Flop to take him down again. Back from a break with Gargano hitting a release gordbuster and a running clothesline. Scott gets back up with a kick to the face to put Gargano outside and the kick to the face from the apron makes it even worse. Gargano is right back with a slingshot spear for two and it’s time to hammer away in the corner.

That’s broken up but the House Call is blocked as well. The second House Call connects but Scott is too banged up to make the cover. Gargano’s STF is reversed into a rollup for two and a JML Driver gives Scott two more. Another kick to the face sends Gargano outside again but the double stomp only hits floor. Gargano gets in a posting and the reverse hurricanrana plants Scott again. They head back inside and One Final Beat gives Gargano the pin at 14:06.

Rating: B. This was a match where Scott got a lot in a loss. After mainly wrestling on 205 Live for the last few months, it was great to see him getting a chance on a bigger show against a top opponent. I didn’t quite buy Scott as having a serious chance to win but he had some near falls in there that made my eyebrows go up a bit. I’ve been a big Scott fan for a good while so seeing him getting this kind of a chance is rather nice to see.

Video on Tegan Nox vs. Io Shirai for the Women’s Title next week. Nox is ready to win the title after her horrible knee injury in the Mae Young Classic. She’s tired of being labeled the Comeback Kid and is ready to reach the top. Shirai is ready to put Nox in her place, and puts her face in the water again like she did to set up the Charlotte match. Is that her thing now?

We get a tale of the tape for Lee vs. Cole.

Legado del Fantasma vs. Breezango/Drake Maverick

Breezango are in Los Conquistador masks in an appropriate cameo. Fandango shoulders Wilde down to start and gets one off a suplex. Breeze comes in and avoids Mendoza’s kick to the face before grabbing a swinging neckbreaker for one of his own. It’s off to Maverick, who wants to get his hands on Escobar. Instead he gives Mendoza an enziguri and brings Breeze back in, though not before more yelling.

This time Breeze gets taken down for a double hiptoss to drop Wilde onto him for two. We hit the armbar to slow things down but Breeze is up in a hurry and hands it off to Fandango as everything breaks down. Maverick dives onto the trio and Fandango hits his own dive, but comes up favoring his leg. Back in and Wilde starts kicking at the knee and chopping in the corner to keep Fandango down. Now Escobar is willing to come in and hammers away before taking out the leg again.

A weird armbar/leglock combination goes on, followed by a shot to the neck to keep things evened out. The leg work continues until Fandango manages to kick Mendoza out to the floor and the hot tag brings in Maverick. A Rey Mysterio wheelbarrow bulldog plants Escobar as everything breaks down. Escobar scores with a superkick to catch Maverick on the top though and the Phantom Driver is good for the pin at 10:40.

Rating: C. The more I see of Maverick in these matches, the less I can buy him as a credible threat. It helps a lot to have him in a cruiserweight match but Escobar seems to be on a different level. Breezango continues to be just kind of there too, which doesn’t exactly bode well for their upward mobility. That being said, I can’t imagine they’re in any jeopardy as they’re entertaining enough while they’re out there.

The Garganos are happy with their success tonight, but Gargano blames Finn Balor for costing him the North American Title. They’re off to celebrate.

Mercedes Martinez vs. Santana Garrett

Martinez gets a big entrance and you can tell she’s going to be something important around here. Garrett gets driven into the corner to start but she fights out and grabs a quickly broken Octopus. A handspring elbow in the corner doesn’t seem to hurt Martinez as she pops out with a kick to the face. Some right hands to the face keep Garrett in trouble so she flips up for a forearm to the face. Martinez shrugs that off as well and finishes with a fisherman’s buster at 2:31. Martinez looked dominant here.

Video on Cameron Grimes vs. Damien Priest.

Mick Foley picks Adam Cole to win if the match goes longer.

Shawn Michaels picks Cole as well, but it could go either way.

NXT Title/North American Title: Adam Cole vs. Keith Lee

Winner takes all and there are no seconds. They stare each other down to start and we have a good deal of time tonight (and no commercials for a bonus). Cole’s headlock lasts longer than you might expect but Lee powers out and starts cranking on Cole’s hand. A lifting wristlock has Cole screaming and Lee throws him outside without much effort. Lee says the cameraman remembers Johnny Gargano but the Pounce goes through the Plexiglas.

Cole is smart enough to capitalize and sends Lee hard into the steps. Back in and Cole grabs a neckbreaker, which lets the cockiness start to flow. Cole slaps on the figure four necklock, followed by another neckbreaker for two. The Last Shot is loaded up but Lee grabs Cole’s knee pad to break it up. A spinning powerslam plants Cole for two but he catches Lee going up and hits a Backstabber out of the corner for his own near fall. Lee elbows him in the face though and hits the apron superplex (now dubbed the Struggleplex) for a delayed two.

Cole pops up with a jumping enziguri, only to charge into the Spirit Bomb, with Cole having to put a single finger onto the rope. Another enziguri rocks Lee but he pops up with the Pounce into a spinebuster for two more. The middle rope moonsault (which nearly looked like a falling splash as Lee took his time to flip) connects for another near fall and Cole is mostly dead on his feet. He slips out of the Big Bang Catastrophe though and hits a superkick, which just fires Lee up. Another superkick wakes Lee up so Cole superkicks the knee and hits the Last Call for two more.

Back up and Lee BLASTS HIM with a clothesline and they’re both down. Somehow Cole manages the Panama Sunrise for two more and the shocked look is great. Three straight superkicks give Cole two and his disbelief continues to grow. Another Last Shot drops Lee for no cover but a second Panama Sunrise is countered into the Spirit Bomb. The Big Bang Catastrophe connects for the pin and the title at 19:53.

Rating: B+. They had to do the title change here as Lee had been built up as way too big of a deal to lose in his big chance. Cole had held the title more than long enough too and I’m not sure what is next for him. Lee seems primed to face Karrion Kross though, and a transitional title reign wouldn’t be the biggest shock. Both guys are ready for the main roster today (and have been for a very long time) but I’m not sure what Cole is going to do whenever he gets there. Either way, it was a rather good match, though it didn’t hit that next level. Lee winning with just one finisher was a nice change of pace though.

Confetti falls and pyro goes off as Karrion Kross and Scarlett watch from the top of the arena to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Another great show to complete the two week head to head showdown. This had three good to awesome matches with the surprising street fight, the rather encouraging showcase from Scott and the big title change to close it out. It felt like there was a Takeover spread out over two weeks and that’s a pretty good way to do things. NXT does it again, as they have a tendency to do.

Results

Candice LeRae b. Mia Yim – Mrs. LeRae’s Wild Ride onto a pile of chairs

Bronson Reed b. Tony Nese – Top rope splash

Johnny Gargano b. Isaiah Scott – One Final Beat

Legado del Fantasma b. Drake Maverick/Breezango – Phantom Driver to Maverick

Mercedes Martinez b. Santana Garrett – Fisherman’s buster

Keith Lee b. Adam Cole – Big Bang Catastrophe

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Great American Bash 2005 (2019 Redo): This Show Makes Me Want To Bash A Lot Of Things. Like WWE.

IMG Credit: WWE

Great American Bash 2005
Date: July 24, 2005
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s their patriotic show, which isn’t likely to mean much in regards to anything more than the name. The official main event is Batista defending the World Title against JBL but the real main event is Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio over the secret that Guerrero wants to tell Rey’s son Dominic. I’m not seeing a great show here, but it could be lot worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about America being a land of opportunity, with each match being tied into the theme. Actually not too bad of an idea.

Tag Team Titles: MNM vs. Animal/Heidenreich

Animal/Heidenreich are challenging. Heidenreich and Mercury start things off with the latter being shoved outside in a hurry. Mercury gets thrown down again and let’s make it a third time for good measure. Animal throws him back inside and then comes in legally for a good reaction. A charge hits raised boot but Animal is fine enough to suplex both champs at the same time.

Nitro gets backdropped onto his shoulder and it’s off to Heidenreich. That means the champs can take him down by the knee with both of them getting a chance to pull on it. A missed charge in the corner allows the tag to Animal so house can be cleaned. Animal runs into a belt shot in the corner but Heidenreich breaks up the Snap Shot. The Doomsday Device is good for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. It wasn’t very good and it was annoying to see the hot new act lose to a half nostalgia/half garbage team but the fans reacted well and this isn’t likely to be a long term deal. The biggest problem here is having MNM lose, but they’ll probably get the titles back sooner rather than later. At least the crowd got a nice pop to open the show.

Post match, Animal dedicates the win to Hawk.

Eddie Guerrero is happy to be addicted to manipulation. Tonight’s manipulation is that Dominick will be watching from ringside. After the match is over, Dominick can hear a bedtime story.

Christian vs. Booker T.

Sharmell is here with Booker. Christian gets chased to the floor to start so Booker throws him back inside and elbows away. That means the chase continues up the ramp with Booker getting the better of it again. A catapult into the corner gets two but Christian is right back with a reverse DDT for two. The DDT on the arm sets up a chinlock, followed by what would become the Anaconda Vice.

That’s broken up with a foot on the rope and Booker grabs a side slam. Christian sends him into the corner again so Sharmell gets on the apron and slaps Christian in the face. The Book End gets two and a spinebuster plants Christian again. Booker Spinaroonis up and hammers away in the corner, only to get rolled up with a foot on the rope for two. They go outside with Booker sending him into the barricade and post. Back in and Booker hits a super ax kick for the pin. Yeah it’s that quick.

Rating: C-. I don’t know what it was but this was rather boring. It was two guys doing moves to each other until Booker got the win in the end. Uh, great, now he has his revenge. What do they do now? This was a rather nothing match and while it was technically fine, I was never interested in anything they did.

Melina is upset about the loss so she’ll make up for it by beating Torrie Wilson.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Jordan is defending and got punched down by Benoit earlier today. They lock up to start with Benoit getting the better of it and kneeing away in the corner. Some kicks to the knee get Jordan out of some of the trouble so Benoit dropkicks him in the knee to show him how it’s done. Benoit sends him outside but misses a baseball slide, allowing Jordan to get in a ram to the barricade.

Back in and Jordan tries to unhook a turnbuckle pad, only to get suplexed a few times in a row. Jordan starts working on the arm with a bunch of cranking and an armbar, but does have time to spell OJ in the air. Benoit gets a double leg takedown and hammers away but Jordan goes right back to the arm by wrapping it around the leg. A seated armbar makes it worse and Jordan’s swinging neckbreaker (Cole: “That works on the neck!”) gets two.

After more arm cranking, Jordan goes up top but gets crotched, setting up Benoit’s top rope superplex. Benoit suplexes him down again and hits the Swanton for two. Jordan gets sent into the corner again and gets the pad off, allowing him to send Benoit face first to retain the title.

Rating: C. And so yes the reign continues, but they set up a rematch if need be. Jordan has held the title for months now and for some reason he still has it, presumably because we need to have the title change on the big stage. The one good thing is they aren’t Jordan as some great champion just because he’s held the title for a few months. Benoit got cheated here and that should set up a title change sooner rather than later. Just get rid of Jordan as soon as possible, for everyone’s sake.

Post match Benoit gets the big hero’s ovation. It’s just an Orlando Jordan match people.

We recap the Undertaker vs. Muhammad Hassan. Muhammad claimed that he was being discriminated against because he couldn’t get a fair shake. He was put in the six way elimination match for the Smackdown Title but Undertaker chased him off. Then Undertaker beat up Daivari, only to have Hassan bring in some men in masks to attack Undertaker (the word terrorist was never said but that’s what they were going for). Since this took place on the day of the London bombings. It did not sit well with a lot of people. Hassan was basically blackballed from UPN, putting his future in jeopardy.

Undertaker vs. Muhammad Hassan

For the #1 contendership and Hassan is carried to the ring by the masked men on a sedan. Before the match, Hassan talks about how unfair everything is and how he’ll prove himself tonight. The masked men surround the ring after Undertaker shows up and the dodging is on in a hurry. Undertaker finally grabs him by the throat and throws Hassan into the corner for the right hands.

A clothesline drops Hassan for two and a Downward Spiral is good for two. Daivari shouts a lot so Undertaker stares down at him, followed by another glare to put the referee on the floor. The distraction lets Daivari pull Hassan away from a big boot and one of the masked men gets in some shots on the floor.

Back in and Hassan gets two off a DDT and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and a single right hand puts Hassan down. Undertaker stops to go after some masked men though and gets beaten down again as they desperately try to give Hassan a chance. The camel clutch is broken up in a hurry but one of the masked men comes in and gets beaten up as well. Snake Eyes drops Hassan, Undertaker beats up all of the masked men and the chokeslam is good for the pin.

Rating: D. At this point, I’d take anything that was even pretty good or had anything resembling life. Another bad and dull match here with Undertaker beating up six people with no real trouble. Hassan was dead in the water as soon as the terrorist angle took place and this was just a matter of time. At least they kept it short enough, but I still feel horrible for Hassan. He did his job and had his career derailed because of all of these things out of his control.

Post match Undertaker beats up the masked men, Daivari and Hassan. With that out of the way (after a long time), it’s a Last Ride through the stage to write Hassan off for good. I know he wasn’t great, but he should have had a chance to fail on his own instead of being thrown out for the company’s bad idea. They do show Hassan laying on the concrete and convulsing a bit, just for some bonus effect.

Torrie Wilson promises to give the troops something special tonight.

As Hassan is taken out on a stretcher, it’s time for the next match.

Blue World Order vs. Mexicools

It’s the big wheels vs. the lawnmowers, though the Mexicools have rakes so they…..win? I think? Juvy dances away from Nova to start and everything breaks down early on. The blue guys clear the ring and pose, until Juvy hits a springboard spinwheel kick to the back of Nova’s head. Crazy knocks Nova down for two and it’s back to Juvy for a seated abdominal stretch. Nova finally kicks him away and brings in Stevie to the silence you might have expected. Everything breaks down and Stevie misses a charge in the corner, setting up Psicosis’ guillotine legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D-. Were you expecting anything else? The match was thrown onto the card to give the fans a breather after seeing Hassan murdered on television. The wrestling was basically non-existent and the right team won, but this would have felt out of place on Smackdown, let alone on a pay per view.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio, which is all about the fact that Eddie can’t beat Rey. Therefore, Eddie has snapped and gone insane with jealousy, eventually dragging Rey’s family into the whole thing. He has some kind of secret over Rey’s head and if he wins tonight, the secret is out. If Rey wins though, the secret is locked away forever. Or until next week in wrestling logic.

Rey tells his son Dominick that it’ll be ok.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Rey’s son Dominick is at ringside. Before the bell, Eddie demands a handshake to show Dominick what kind of a man Rey is. The bell rings and the beating is on in a hurry with Rey hitting a clothesline but getting knocked down without much effort. Rey gets two off a backslide and stops a charging Eddie with an elbow to the jaw. An atomic drop cuts Rey off and Dominick is looking nervous.

Rey evens things up with a crotching on top, setting up a super hurricanrana for two. Another hurricanrana sets up a 619 to the ribs and the springboard seated senton gets two more. Eddie has a breather on the floor and hides behind Dominick, which goes as well with Rey as you might expect. Even Tazz thinks that’s too far as Eddie gets in a cheap shot and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Rey back inside.

Eddie goes back to ringside to glare at Dominick some more, followed by a hard whip into the corner to work on Rey’s back again. Another backbreaker gives Eddie three straight near falls and the frustration is on in a hurry. Rey counters another backbreaker into a rollup for two so Eddie grabs the Gory Stretch. With Rey down, Eddie goes to check on Dominick again, allowing Rey to kick him in the face for some near falls.

A tornado DDT gives Rey a delayed two and the comeback is on. The 619 connects to set up the West Coast Pop but Eddie powerbombs him out of the air. Rey rolls out of frog splash range but he can’t do anything else. Two Amigos into a brainbuster let Eddie look down at Rey again and the frog splash connects….but Rey reverses into a crucifix for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B-. Dominick destroyed whatever they had going here as you can only cut back to him so many times before I never want to see him again. We reached that point about five minutes into the match so they kept doing it over and over again. It’s the best match of the night so far, but given the low bar that has to clear, it isn’t exactly an accomplishment. The story took a bad turn here and I don’t know if they’re going to be able to get anything back.

Post match, Eddie is stunned and looks to swear more revenge.

JBL isn’t happy with Batista embarrassing him so many times lately and promises to teach Batista a lesson like never before.

Melina vs. Torrie Wilson

Bra and panties match with Candice Michelle as guest referee for reasons of three instead of two. They brawl to start and Torrie grabs an abdominal stretch to pull off Melina’s shirt. A try for the pants gets Torrie kicked to the floor so Melina throws her back in and evens the score. Candice yells at Melina for choking so Melina drops an elbow instead. Torrie makes the comeback with some clotheslines but still can’t get the pants. A hot shot lets Melina get the rather easy win.

Rating: F. Yeah we get it. These matches just do not work in a world where Torrie has already been in Playboy so it’s not like this has any reason to exist other than to hook teenagers without good internet access. This was everything you would expect it to be and then even less.

Post match Melina jumps Candice so it’s a stripping for Melina as well. Oh and Candice strips as well.

We recap Batista vs. JBL. John Cena and the WWE Championship went to Raw in the Draft so we needed a new champ. JBL won the inaugural Smackdown Championship but Batista moved over, meaning JBL was just a #1 contender. That wasn’t cool with JBL, who yelled at Batista a lot and bragged about being a real American. It’s a feud where they have done everything well enough but the lack of drama has hurt things a lot.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Batista

Batista is defending. They circle each other to start until JBL gets shoved away off a lockup. Another shove lets Batista pose as they’re not exactly starting fast. JBL knocks him into the corner and hits a right hand, only to get clotheslined outside in a hurry. Back in and Batista’s side slam gets two but JBL runs him down with a shoulder out of the corner.

Another clothesline puts JBL on the floor though as this has been mostly Batista so far. JBL tries to dive off the apron and gets rammed back first into said apron for his efforts. Back in and Batista gets sent shoulder first, followed by a big boot right back to the floor. They go over the announcers’ table in a heap and JBL hits a jumping right hand off the table for a knock down.

That’s good for two back inside, followed by choking and an elbow for two more. Batista’s comeback is countered into a long form sleeper until Batista suplexes his way to freedom. They head outside for about the 14th time and Batista is sent knees first into the steps. The big running clothesline puts both of them over the barricade though and Batista hammers away again.

Back in and the ref gets bumped, because that’s what this match needed. The spinebuster plants JBL but Orlando Jordan comes in with a chair to Batista’s back. That and a big boot give JBL a very delayed two and the Clothesline From JBL gets….nothing as that referee really can’t take a hit. Batista grabs another spinebuster, backdrops Jordan to the floor, and hits the shoulders in the corner. Jordan tries to come in again so Batista grabs a chair and blasts them both for the DQ, because THIS needs a rematch.

Rating: D-. Another lifeless match with Batista being better than JBL at everything JBL does. Then I had to put up with Jordan in another match and more JBL promos are coming as we probably take this to Summerslam. Batista didn’t even look that dominant and the match was long, sluggish and felt way too similar to the same story of Batista vs. HHH/Ric Flair.

Post match Batista doesn’t like the decision so he Batista Bombs JBL to end the show. Oh wait as Cole has to thank the troops. If this is their gift, it would seem that WWE hates them very much.

Overall Rating: F. This seems appropriate as I’m rather tempted to say various words that start with an F over and over after watching this show. This was HORRIBLE and one of the worst shows I’ve seen in a very long time with nothing showing any energy, some complete wastes of time, some questionable booking decisions and a terrible main event that dares to suggest we might want to see it again. It’s a complete disaster on almost every front and I can’t imagine it actually going worse. Horrible stuff here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Great American Bash 2004 (2018 Redo): Goobwa

IMG Credit: WWE

Great American Bash 2004
Date: June 27, 2004
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We had to get here at some point and that’s not the most appealing thing in the world. The double main event will see JBL challenging Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Title in a Texas Bullrope match (totally different than the Montana bullrope match) and the Undertaker vs. the Dudley Boyz in a Concrete Crypt match (totally different than the good idea match). Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on being yourself (like Eddie Guerrero and John Cena) no matter what people say (like JBL and Kurt Angle). And something about Undertaker trying to save Paul Bearer from being encased in concrete as a bunch of children recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Here’s Torrie Wilson as the sexy Uncle Sam to welcome us to the show, with a special shout out to the US armed forces. That’s nice of them, but when you cut to the cement mixer that might be used for televised murder, it doesn’t have the same impact.

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and this is under elimination rules. We get the pre-match rap with Cena making his usual gay jokes, this time about Kurt Angle. He also throws in a GI Bro joke for old times’ sake but that’s a bit too classy so let’s get some gay jokes in on Rene as well. The brawl is on to start with Booker and Rene being knocked down so we can have the Van Dam vs. Cena slugout.

Booker pulls Rob outside and sends him into various things as Rene suplexes Cena for two. Rene actually wins a slugout with Cena (how odd) and even low bridges him to the floor. After Rene struts a bit, Booker is smart enough to send Rob inside so he doesn’t have to do much early on. That means chinlockery as Booker yells at the fans. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder as the singles match continues. Dupree gets sent outside so Rob flip dives onto both he and Cena with the latter being thrown back in.

Some rollups give Rob two as Booker is still content to watch from ringside. Again: not the worst idea and showing some good thinking here. Some place switching leaves us with Rene vs. Booker for a double knockdown, allowing Van Dam to hit a Five Star on Rene. Cena gets knocked off the top and now the Five Star hits Booker. The writhing around on the mat takes too long though and Cena rolls Van Dam up for the first elimination.

The double teaming of Cena begins with Booker dropping the knee. Booker isn’t going to let Rene steal his cover though and there’s the required argument between two morons who are in complete control. Cena makes his comeback in short order and there’s an FU on Rene, but Booker kicks Cena down and steals the elimination.

We’re down to one on one with Booker hitting a side slam for a fast two. The chinlock goes on for a long time (albeit with a stop for a kick to the face in the middle) and Cena fights up as you might expect. Right hands and a side slam set up the Shuffle for two as Cena is getting fired up. Booker is right back with his kick to the face but the ax kick misses, setting up the FU to retain Cena’s title.

Rating: C+. Good opener here with Cena fighting through the odds and getting a nice win. They’re turning him into a star with this reign and beating three guys is a great way to get him higher up the ladder. You could easily do a Cena vs. Booker feud to make things even better from here.

I’m still not sure what difference it made to have this be an elimination match though, as Cena won the first fall and the rules let him avoid a lot of punishment by standing outside. Odds are it’s just a time thing, but it doesn’t make a ton of sense at least from Angle’s perspective. The one thing that worries me here: this was one of the few solid matches they had on the show and we have nearly two and a half hours to go. This could get bad in a hurry.

In the back, Cena hits on Jackie Gayda (also in a red, white and blue outfit) when Angle comes up. He’s not happy with Charlie Haas, who has fallen way too far. Charlie can face Angle’s new protege right now. Good thing Charlie was standing right there in his gear. This segment was straight out of a regular episode of Smackdown.

Sable is in a hot tub to interview….herself. She’s hotter than Torrie and can prove it tonight.

Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns

Jackie and Angle are here too, making this about as overbooked as you could ask it to be. Charlie tries the wrestling to start but can’t do much with the really strong Reigns. A boot to the chest drops Charlie and the stomping begins. One heck of a whip into the corner has Angle applauding and Haas gets tossed outside. The chinlock goes on and Jackie goes into cheerleading mode, which fits well given that she’s in something close to a cheerleading outfit.

A gorilla press gives Reigns two and we hit a half crab, which is about as bad of an idea as you could have right now. Charlie fights up and gets punched into the corner as Angle tells Reigns to hurry up. Some suplexes give Charlie two but he misses a charge into the post, setting up the rolling cutter to give Reigns the pin.

Rating: D-. What am I even supposed to say here? It’s a match that would have been boring on Smackdown and is getting pay per view time because they don’t have anything else to put on in its place. Reigns is fine for what he is, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be getting a pay per view spot, especially in a bad squash.

JBL says he got ripped off at Judgment Day and tonight, he gets what he wants. As always. And remember: everyone who doesn’t like him is wrong because he’s great and gets to prove it. Thank goodness the fans were already asleep after the previous match.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Chavo is challenging after winning a battle royal on Tuesday. He’s on his own here as I guess we’re no longer graces by the essence of Classic. Dang it he was one of the best things about this show (not the highest bar to clear but still). They hit the mat to start with Rey rolling him up for two as Chavo can’t keep up. Chavo’s rollup gives him two of his own and that means a standoff.

Rey slaps on an armbar and gets two more off another rollup, meaning the second standoff in just a few minutes. Seems like they have a lot of time here. It’s back to the arm with a short armscissors but Rey tries to go for a springboard, allowing Chavo to dropkick him to the floor. Rey comes up holding his knee and Chavo has a target. Some cannonballs down onto the knee have Rey in trouble but he uses the good leg to kick Chavo out to the floor. It doesn’t do much good as Chavo comes back in for a half crab Liontamer.

For some reason Chavo picks him up in a wheelbarrow, allowing Rey to plant him with the bulldog. Sometimes villains never learn. Chavo is fine enough to whip him into the corner and the knee gives out. A near Jackhammer gives Chavo two and it’s right back to the knee. It’s off to a Brock Lock for a bit until Rey fights up with a headscissors (though it was more like Rey falling down and Chavo flipping). Chavo is smart enough to kick at the knee again and this time he ties Rey in the Tree of Woe.

As expected though, Chavo tries a completely unnecessary charge and goes shoulder first into the post. That means a seated senton off the top, with Rey landing on the knee again. My goodness there are some stupid people in this match. Back in and they go to the top at the same time for a double faceplant. Rey gets two off a rollup and hits a quick middle rope dropkick, followed by a Russian legsweep for a little change of pace.

The springboard seated senton gets two but Rey charges into a Gory Bomb for two (with the bad arm keeping him from hooking the leg). Rey enziguris him into the ropes but the 619 is countered into another half crab. That’s rolled through as well so Chavo tries a second Gory Bomb, which is reversed into a sunset flip to retain the title.

Rating: B. I’ve got a feeling this is the high point for the show and we’re not even halfway through. They had a nice story going with the knee vs. the arm and it played into the action multiple times. These two know each other so well that it’s almost impossible to not have a good match and the nearly twenty minutes never felt long. Solid match here and the best thing the show is likely to have.

Torrie is in the hot tub with some cruiserweights. They argue over the match until she stands up. Funaki: “God bless America.”

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn

For those of you who were begging for a rematch. Cole on Suzuki: “He’s undefeated on American soil.” He’s not even undefeated this week ham head. We even see a clip of the loss to make Cole look even dumber. They stare at each other to start, though Gunn stares at Hiroko to add in some flavor. Gunn starts with some right hands and a fisherman’s suplex for two. A swinging neckbreaker keeps Gunn in trouble but the claw legsweep drops him.

The nerve hold goes on as you can hear the fans slowly dying before our eyes. Suzuki elbows him in the face to cut off a comeback and it’s time to choke with a knee. A suplex sets up a seated abdominal stretch to keep Gunn in trouble. The USA chants (remember this is a Navy town so they’re extra strong) eventually overcome the power of boring wrestling so Gunn starts the comeback with a Stinger Splash.

That’s about it though as Suzuki hits a running knee to drop him again. A tilt-a-whirl slam doesn’t do much as Suzuki hits him low and hits a reverse DDT onto the knee (Christian used to use that as a regular move) for the pin. I mean…I guess that’s better than the claw legsweep, but egads what in the world was his third best idea?

Rating: F. It was bad on Smackdown and it was even worse here because it had more time. Suzuki is already a disaster and I don’t see him getting any better anytime soon. He has no charisma and isn’t intimidating as he’s every Japanese stereotype you can think of in one bad heel. The finishers are even worse as they’re the kind of moves you would expect about two minutes into a ten minute match, not as a way to wrap things up.

Heyman has Paul Bearer bound and gagged (Again: SOMEONE CALL THE COPS ALREADY!!!) and promises that he isn’t bluffing. He explains the idea of murdering Bearer by encasing him in concrete and undoing the gag just as Bearer is about to suffocate. Is he going to have a fishing pole rigged up or is he diving into the concrete to get the gag? Undertaker has to do the right thing of Bearer dies. This gets dumber and dumber every time they talk about it.

Torrie Wilson vs. Sable

Torrie is in red, white and blue while Sable is in red. Commie. Sable bails to start as the cameraman suddenly starts getting some rather close shots with some carefully selected angles. Something like a snapmare out of the corner lets Sable carefully kick her in the back. They manage to screw up a sunset flip and a drop toehold before Sable chokes on the rope.

The chinlock goes on and since it’s sitting there in one place, it’s the best part of the match so far. Torrie fights up with what can generously be called a suplex and a basement dropkick. The announcers are trying not to crack up at how bad this is as as the women collide and fall down. Sable feigns death, suckering Torrie in for the rollup pin…which she manages to botch as well as she rolls too far, pulling Torrie’s shoulder way off the mat. At least it’s over.

Rating: F. That’s one of the worst women’s matches I’ve ever seen as not only did they look terrible, but they even had a few minutes to work, making the punishment last even longer. Just have them stand around and look good and be done with it because this is a disaster. Oh and well done on having the one in the American flag gear lose in the match after the evil Japanese guy won. I would ask if they wanted to kill the crowd, but just look at the show so far.

Replays show that neither shoulder was down. How do you possibly screw that up so badly?

Dawn Marie is by the hot tub to talk to Rene, who insists that he’s getting a rematch for the title. He offers to show her his, ahem, French Tickler and then dances. The FBI shows up with Nunzio showing off his shoe size. She doesn’t seem to get the reference so let’s make fun of Dupree for having small shoes.

Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly

Because WWE hates us. They start fighting at the bell with Holly tying him in the ropes. That’s not a good look for a religious zealot. Mordecai gets loose and sends him into the staff at ringside before starting in on the back. A boot to the side of the head sets up a chinlock, which again is an improvement after what we’ve sat through so far. Holly fights up and hits a hot shot, followed by a top rope clothesline. Mordecai plants him with a sitout spinebuster for two, followed by the crucifix bomb for the pin.

Rating: F. I don’t remember the last time I saw three F’s in a row. High school probably. This was another terrible mess with Mordecai having a great look but not being able to do a thing in the ring. Then again, what are you expecting in a match against Holly on pay per view? This had no business being on a major show, especially the third terrible match like this in a row.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL. Eddie was left a bloody mess at Judgment Day but he retained the title. Now it’s a Texas Bullrope match because JBL is still a thing and he doesn’t want Eddie to be able to get himself disqualified. Hearing his promos over the highlight package are draining, which says a lot given that I just sat through the three previous matches on the card.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending and it’s a Texas Bullrope match, meaning they’re attached at the wrist and you win by touching four consecutive corners. There are lights over the corners to designate someone touching a post. Tony Chimel announces the rules, and says you can get disqualified if you unhook yourself from the rope. Wait. We just sat through a video where JBL said he made the rules so Eddie can’t get disqualified. But there’s a rule where Eddie can get disqualified? That’s some Roddy Piper Starrcade 1996 logic.

Of course there’s a bell on the rope, just in case you were hoping to avoid some really annoying sounds in this one. Eddie goes for the knee to start and them tosses JBL down with the rope. A bell shot to the knee has Eddie in trouble as the rope comes off for a few seconds. Eddie comes back with a backdrop and gets two buckles but a rope shot to the throat breaks the momentum (always the clearest concept in the world) and we’re back to even.

There’s a cowbell to the head and JBL ties him in the Tree of Woe for some choking. It’s time to set up the announcers’ table but Eddie slips out of what looked like a powerbomb and trips him down. Eddie uses the rope to pull JBL into the post a few times and then CRACKS him in the head with a chair (same spot as at Judgment Day) but JBL’s cut is nothing compared to Eddie’s gusher.

Back in and JBL begs off so Eddie chairs him down again and gets three buckles until JBL wakes up. That’s enough to break the momentum so Eddie chokes with the rope as the blood is really flowing now. A DDT gets JBL out of trouble but Eddie crotches him with the rope, only to get pulled down after three buckles. Three Amigos set up the frog splash and Eddie gets three buckles (a buckle per Amigo I guess) so JBL rolls outside to break the momentum in a smart move.

JBL catches Eddie up top with a bell shot to the head and LAUNCHES him onto the announcers’ table, which doesn’t break. Cole declares the wooden tables to be nearly concrete. Must be mahogany. JBL powerbombs him through the table and falls down for a few moments of his own. That’s only good for three buckles so JBL bells him in the head again.

Three more buckles are touched until Eddie gets in a low blow with the bell to break things up. Both guys are spent but manages to stumble into three buckles but it’s a tug of war for the fourth. Eddie pulls JBL away from the corner and even whips him with the rope, though none of that counts as breaking momentum. A big dive over JBL reaches the fourth buckle though and Eddie retains.

Rating: B. Actually a heck of a brawl with JBL going with the power offense that he’s pretty good at instead of doing headlocks and holds like in the previous match. The rules suited them a lot better this time around and the blood made it look very violent. Also, it’s rather cool to have Eddie retain because the idea of JBL as champion gives me hives.

Actually hang on as Angle is wheeled out to show us a replay. It turns out that the dive sent JBL’s back into the corner and that means we have a new champion. A good part here: the announcers had made it clear that it could be any part of the body touching the buckle to count so it fits the rules perfectly. Eddie is crushed and I’m in need of some medication for these hives.

Long recap of the Dudley Boyz vs. Undertaker, which is actually headlining here. Heyman wanted to see more aggression from the Dudleys so they kidnapped Paul Bearer for the sake of forcing Undertaker to follow Heyman’s orders. Of course this turned into Heyman threatening to BURY BEARER IN CONCRETE, because that’s the first logical move. Undertaker now has to “do the right thing” (still not specified) or Bearer is, uh, killed.

Undertaker vs. Dudley Boyz

Bearer is in a concrete case near the entrance with Heyman controlling a lever which will pour cement inside. Before the match, Heyman gives a demonstration of the cement flowing. He pulls the lever, and cement flows. Yep. That’s certainly a thing that works. Apparently DO THE RIGHT THING involves Undertaker laying down for the pin. After a minute and a half, and some Bubba trash talk, Undertaker lays down but grabs Bubba by the throat before the cover.

Heyman says that’s not doing the right thing so…nothing as the Dudleys start beating him down. Undertaker fights back and they head to the floor with Undertaker sending D-Von into the post and punching Bubba down. That’s not cool with Heyman, so let’s get the cement up to Bearer’s knees. Bearer keeps shouting that the Undertaker will save him so you know where this is going.

We start properly with D-Von hammering away in the corner so Undertaker makes a comeback. As expected, that earns more yelling from Heyman and the cement going up to Bearer’s shoulders. Bubba actually goes up to Heyman and tells him to chill because they have this. Back in and Undertaker slugs his way out of a chinlock but gets elbowed in the jaw for two instead.

A double suplex gives Bubba two and it’s time for more shouting. Bubba takes him outside for a piece of the announcers’ table to the back for two. The slow beating continues because the Dudleys have nothing to offer here outside of the 3D. What else did they really expect this match to be anyway? And now, just because, Bubba grabs a sleeper. Thankfully Undertaker gets in a hurry off a belly to back suplex as Heyman likes the visual of Bearer in cement.

Undertaker makes his comeback with the big boot and legdrop to D-Von as Bubba makes the save. That means Old School to Bubba, who jumps up before impact for some reason. A low blow gets Bubba out of the Tombstone and there’s the reverse 3D to put everyone down. Heyman comes to ringside so Undertaker sits up for the scary staredown. There’s a chokeslam to Bubba and the Tombstone pins D-Von.

Rating: F. That has to be in the running for worst main event of all time. Again, what were they expecting here? This was horribly boring with Undertaker stumbling around as Bubba and D-Von did nothing that would make you think Undertaker was ever in danger. It’s a really bad match, and made even worse when you remember that it’s headlining this show. They couldn’t even go with the World Title change here instead for a great visual of the dejected Eddie ending the show?

Oh and again: ATTEMPTED MURDER! That’s the story of this whole thing and they wonder why it didn’t work. This was just so bad on every level and the wrestling was actually worse than I remembered. It didn’t help that the first half of the match was spent on Undertaker taking over and Heyman calling him off. That’s not even touching on Undertaker pinning the Tag Team Champions clean on his own. Just a complete disaster on every level and an all time mess.

Post abomination, Undertaker walks up to the truck to save Bearer….and then says he has to do this. He pulls the lever and crushes Bearer himself with the announcers being silent to end the show. Probably because they’re now witnesses in a murder trial. One more bonus: earlier in the day, footage of the rehearsal of the ending leaked, just to make things look even dumber and spoiling the result.

Overall Rating: D-. I wanted to call this a failure so badly but three good matches keep it just above the line. That being said, WOW this was horrific stuff with five out of eight matches being completely terrible and not even worthy of a bad episode of Sunday Night Heat. I mean, Sable vs. Torrie, Mordecai vs. Holly, Suzuki vs. Gunn and Reigns vs. Haas? It’s like they tried to take a modern episode of Superstars and put it on pay per view.

When they were planning this show out, did no one thing that MAYBE they should have split up the four way and let one of those nitwits face either Van Dam or Booker? Just for the sake of taking away one of the terrible matches? Apparently not, because we were subject to watching this wreck, which somehow got worse as it went along. There are good matches on there, but sweet merciful popsicles, how can this be the best thing you can put together for a full price pay per view?

That’s not even considering the booking choices. We’re now looking at JBL as WWE Champion, showing that you can be as boring as you want to be and kill the show off and you too can get a push, just because Vince seems to love it. That means more promos about money and how great America is because it’s really all we can get out of the champ. Are they trying to make this the wrestling company for the white collar businessmen demographic?

Finally, Undertaker is now a murderer. Like, there’s no other way to put it. He won the match, though I’m still not sure what that was supposed to accomplish as there was no reason for Heyman not to do something horrible anyway. At the same time, even if Undertaker lost, was he going to be freed anyway? I don’t know why he would have been, but the whole thing didn’t make much sense either way.

Overall, the show is a complete disaster with five matches that had no business being on pay per view, plus JBL becoming World Champion in one of the worst decisions the company could have made. Why I’d want to keep watching is beyond me, and I can imagine there are a lot of people who walked away after this. It’s not like there’s much of a reason to stick around, aside from maybe another murder.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

Great American Bash 2004 – This Is The Prefered Method Of Torture In 19 Countries

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




New Column: Happy (and Sad) Holidays

Since everyone has already talked about Goldberg vs. Lesnar (which I’ll get to when I can wrap my head around the thing), here’s something a little lighter this week.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-happy-and-sad-holidays/




Great American Bash 2000 (2015 Redo): The One Where A 14 Year Old Girl Mounts Vince Russo

Great American Bash 2000
Date
: June 11, 2000
Location
: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance
: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

The company is in a very bad place right now and it seems like it can only get worse. At this point the company is all about Russo and Bischoff plus a few older wrestlers who can beat up huge groups of young talent in a matter of seconds. The main event here is Nash vs. Jarrett for the title, even though Nash has given away the World Title twice in the last year and a half. Let’s get to it.

By the way, this arena is a home base for WCW. To give you an idea of what they’ve fallen to, this same arena held Superbrawl 1995 with a double main event of Hogan vs. Vader II and Savage/Sting vs. Avalanche/Big Bubba Rogers. That show drew 13,390 people, or just shy of double what this had. Randy Savage and Sting vs. Big Boss Man and Earthquake as the second biggest match on the card drew over 6,000 more people than one of WCW’s longest running shows. Amazingly enough a match where you light someone on fire didn’t draw well in an old NWA stronghold.

We open with a recap of Goldberg, who was presumably arrested after Thunder went off the air. Yeah WCW brought him back and then didn’t bother to advertise him for this show because TV is more important than pay per view.

The regular opening video focuses on Flair vs. Flair, Hogan vs. Kidman and Sting vs. Vampiro. The hype for the World Title match: “Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett will square off for the World Title.” And it’s wedged between the Sting/Vampiro and Hogan/Kidman promos.

Here are the Misfits in Action for roll call. Lieutenant Loco’s mission is to defend the Cruiserweight Title so he pulls out a grenade. Rection yells at him for playing with toys so Loco just threatens to kill the Filthy Animals if they interfere.

Cruiserweight Title: Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Loco starts fast with a cross body as Madden calls the Animals WCW’s resident degenerates. Disco comes back with a knee to the ribs and makes sure to mock the Misfits. That’s fine with Loco who headscissors Disco to the floor for a beatdown because the Misfits are a bunch of cheaters. Loco gets knocked to the floor and takes a beating from the Animals until the Misfits run over for the save. The Animals didn’t save Disco earlier, likely because they didn’t like him very much.

Cue Rection’s dad to hit on Tygress but Rey shoves him down, seemingly into a coma. Juvy sneaks in during the melee but misses the People’s Elbow. The distraction works though as Disco scores with the Last Dance, only to have Corporal Cajun come in with a Russian legsweep neckbreaker to give Loco the pin to retain. The referee had no issue with Cajun putting Loco on top for the pin.

Rating: D. That ending took away anything good the match had built up, which wasn’t much in the first place. There’s too much going on here for me, including the ridiculous Papa/Pops Rection (of course that’s the joke Russo is going for) stuff. The match didn’t get any time and the ending made my head hurt, making this a bad start for a show I wasn’t happy with coming in.

Post match Gunns has to give Pops mouth to mouth. In an amusing bit, he sees who is waking him up and passes out again.

Cops guarantee Bischoff that he’s safe.

The Mamalukes are ready for Kronik and argue over who is the Hardcore Champion.

If you order this show, you can get a Hulk Hogan RAFT. Yes as in an inflatable raft that you can use to float in the water. WHY DO I NOT HAVE ONE OF THOSE???

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

Winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Kronik clears the ring to start and the Mamalukes make sure to polish the Hardcore Title. Clark and Johnny start as Vito is wearing the title on the apron. A release Rock Bottom (called a uranage suplex by Hudson, which might be accurate) plants Johnny and it’s off to Vito for a double ax handle to Clark’s shoulders.

That’s about it for Vito, who is likely tired from wrestling with a metal title belt on, so it’s back to Johnny who takes a full nelson slam from Adams. A LOUD Vito Sucks chant starts up as he breaks up a cover. Either that was piped in or the fans really don’t want this match to keep going. I could believe either actually. It’s back to Vito for a running clothesline in the corner but he misses a charge to let Adams take over again.

The belt is finally ripped off and Clark throws it to the floor. Hudson calls that disrespectful but that’s probably the best treatment the thing has gotten in months. A big F5 plants Vito but he gets up at two and kicks Adams in the face. Johnny comes back in with a good looking powerslam on Clark as Vito goes over to check on the belt. Clark avoids a top rope cross body and the High Times puts Johnny away while Vito polishes the title.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here but my goodness did they really need to have the Hardcore Champions lose here? You can’t switch that back later or have another heel team in there instead? Also: it had a clean finish! Extra clean if you count Vito polishing the belt!

DDP says he has special motivation against Mike Awesome and he hopes Kimberly sticks her nose in this one.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

Ambulance match. Page wheels Kanyon out and yeah I’m sure you know what’s coming here. They slug it out to start and the referee gets decked fifteen seconds in. Both guys grab chairs and it’s time for a duel. Tony: “Like a samurai warrior!” First of all, wouldn’t it be two samurai warriors? And not in a wrestling ring? And in Japan? Awesome comes back with a clothesline and a splash as the referee is awake.

Tony thinks Awesome is going for a table. He might have been tipped off by Awesome pointing under the ring and shouting TABLE. Tony is getting better as you would have expected him to think shouting TABLE would mean it was time for two ladders and a Bastion Booger cameo. A powerbomb through the table means the EMTs come out to put Page on a stretcher and take him to the ambulance. Are the wrestlers now lazy enough that they won’t carry someone to the entrance?

Page gets up so Mike hits back to back Awesome Splashes but misses a third because two Awesome Splashes wake people up. That’s a wrestling thing in general so I can’t complain too much. Cue Kimberly with a pipe (yet another phallic weapon) to hit Page in the back. Tony: “She broke his back!” Miss Hancock comes out to take Kimberly to the back, leaving Page to hit Awesome low and Diamond Cut him off the top. That’s quite impressive for someone with a broken back.

They head to the stage with Awesome on the stretcher so here’s Bischoff to threaten Kanyon with a chair. Page makes the save and Kanyon gets out of the wheelchair to Kanyon Cut Page off the stage. He’s New Blood and puts Page on the stretcher as Bischoff’s music starts playing again. Awesome wins and they’re nice enough to play his music instead.

Rating: D. IT’S JUST SO SHOCKING! I mean, when Kimberly turned on Page at Spring Stampede, it was surprising. When Arquette turned on him at Slamboree, it was jarring. But this, the third straight pay per view where someone Page loves turns him on in a swerve that NO ONE, CERTAINLY NOT ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION AT LEAST, saw coming, it was just so shocking. Bad match of course, but that’s acceptable when something is shocking. Did I mention this was shocking? I know it’s three sentences in a row with that same idea, but if it works for turning on Page it can work for this too.

Now we get to my favorite part of a Russo show: the announcers trying to figure out what just happened. So here we have two options:

1. Bischoff talked to Kanyon in the hospital and convinced him to turn on Page, likely due to Page being a bigger star and getting Kanyon to believe that he deserved the spotlight.

2. Kanyon never was hurt and was convinced to be THROWN OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE for a big swerve because just hitting Page with a chair was too complicated.

The first one is much more logical, but I have a strong hunch that we’re going to get the second one instead because it’s a bigger swerve. Shocking you see. Always shocking.

GI Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak

Boot Camp match, which means last man standing, based on a single match on Thunder from a few weeks back. Booker repels in from the ceiling and Stasiak has camouflage paint on his face. There’s some loud screeching noise as he talks about being the perfect soldier of fortune. It sounds like a crow getting its feathers pulled out and I have no idea where it’s coming from.

They brawl in the ring and quickly head outside with Booker in control. Back in and a top rope ax handle (I think? Booker only grazed him on the side of the head.) gets five. Shawn comes back with a hot shot and a back elbow to the jaw for eight (that’s a lot so early on). A trip to the floor makes it even worse for Booker and Shawn takes him back inside for a top rope clothesline for nine.

They head into the crowd with Shawn in full control and hitting Booker in the back for our first weapon shot nine minutes into this thing. We hit a sleeper on Booker as the fans think this is very boring. The hold may be boring, but at least it gives Tony a chance to screw up his timeline by saying Stasiak and Palumbo won the titles within the last week.

Booker fights up with an Angle Slam and a Rock Bottom but here’s Palumbo with the workout bar. An ax kick puts him down but Stasiak gets in a shot with the bar. Booker clotheslines both of them down and hits Palumbo in the face with the exercise bar, which of course doesn’t even knock him out for half a second. Another shot to Shawn’s face is good for the ten count to give Booker the win.

Rating: D-. Gah they were so close to just a boring match here when they had the Tag Team Champions get beaten down by one guy. This really should have been a regular match and is a good example of a match that was hurt by the gimmick. As a regular match it would have been more acceptable (not good mind you), but as a last man standing match it’s horrible. For the life of me I don’t get the appeal of Stasiak. The guy is passable in the ring and that’s the extent of his appeal. It’s no surprise to me that he was retired by 2002 because there just wasn’t much upside to him.

A minor trivia note: clips from the previous two matches and from a recent Thunder were used in a game on an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Kanyon says Bischoff came to the hospital and told him that all he had to do to be a star was put Page out. We see Page getting out of the ambulance before it left the arena. However, since we’re in Russo land, they wedge another angle into this with Goldberg’s monster truck being seen in the parking lot. Kanyon is positive that Page is gone. In fact he’s positively Kanyon.

Let’s go back to that truck arriving. I understand the idea of wanting to make things seem realistic and that worked here: Page is in the parking lot and the camera happens to see the Goldberg truck in the same parking lot. However, again it feels like there’s too much going on at any given time. This was something else forced into the show that doesn’t need to be here, or at least not at this exact time. Let the Page shot be its own thing so it looks like something we should care about.

Shane Douglas vs. The Wall

Before the match, Shane has something to say. Well at least it keeps us from seeing him wrestle. He promises to define his career at the Wall’s expense while the New Blood is getting rid of Hulk Hogan and “Dick Flair.” Hudson: “It’s Ric Flair.” Shane wants to make it a best of five tables matches (I think so at least. He starts by saying best of five table matches (as in five table matches) then goes to saying five tables will be broken, which would make it best of nine and then switches to best out of five). Tony says it’s the first to go through five tables is the loser but then calls that person the survivor. I’m lost but Wall agrees.

So I think it’s the first to put your opponent through three tables because you have to go by what they mean and not what they say. There are tables around the ring to save some time. Wall gorilla presses him down and shoves Shane away off a swinging neckbreaker attempt. Hudson says it’s best of nine again and my head keeps hurting. Shane comes back with a running knee to the face and a clothesline to put Wall on the floor.

A few rams into the barricade don’t do much to Wall so he chokeslams Shane through the first table. Shane goes through the second a few moments later and now we’re told it’s first to three. It astounds me that they didn’t WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN IN ADVANCE but that might not be totally realistic, which is what you’re shooting for in a match built around putting people through tables. A low blow has little effect on Wall. Hudson: “That’s what we call no selling.” Actually that’s what we call it Scott. You’re supposed to be smarter than that. It’s why you have a job.

They head up to the entrance where there just happens to be a ladder with three tables stacked on top of each other next to it. Both guys climb the ladder and Shane nails him with brass knuckles, causing Wall to jump through two and a half of the three tables but we’ll count it as three anyway.

Rating: F. The match ran just over eight minutes and they didn’t know the rules for the first five or six. I….yeah move on to the next match. It makes the show move faster and means I don’t have to think about the fact that not only can WCW not book a show properly, but they also can’t count.

Hogan arrives an hour and fifteen minutes into the show. Unless I missed it, he left a nice Dodge Charger in the middle of the parking lot and didn’t take the keys with him. Does anyone in this family know how to take care of cars?

US Title: Tank Abbott vs. Scott Steiner

Scott is defending and this is inside the mini Asylum cage. The bell rings without the cage being lowered so Penzer says that since the Asylum is Scott’s signature match, let’s make it a handicap match with Rick Steiner on Tank’s side.

US Title: Tank Abbott/Rick Steiner vs. Scott Steiner

The fans chant for Goldberg and the cage is finally lowered. Not all the way to the mat or anything of course, but who doesn’t want the cage to move around the ring during a match? The Freaks get on the apron to cheer for Scott and Tank accidentally hits Rick with a chain. Rick might have shoved Rick out of the way to take the bullet but we need to get on to Scott hitting Tank with the chain and putting on the Recliner to retain.

Rating: F. The cage match itself lasted maybe a minute and a half and had a highlight of Shakira and Midajah in some rather fetching outfits. Rick and Tank look like even bigger losers than they have in the past, there’s no recap of why these guys are fighting (I think they brawled a few weeks ago on Nitro? Maybe?) and the Asylum is stupid. Next please.

Ric Flair and company arrives, an hour and twenty minutes into the show. He looks like Doc Brown Goes Hawaiian.

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman with Horace as referee. Hogan thought Kidman couldn’t headline a flea market (first mentioned on TV about six weeks into the feud) so Kidman got some unofficial pins on him, only to lose on pay per view. Tonight it’s Hogan’s career vs. a title shot next month.

Regarding Horace, Hollywood says blood is thicker than New Blood.

Kidman vs. Hollywood Hogan

Kidman’s on again/off again partner and Hollywood’s nephew Horace Hogan is guest referee. They circle each other before the bell because this has to be dragged out as long as they can. Some right hands sends Kidman outside early, followed by a big boot to put him outside again. Back in again and Hulk does his horribly outdated choking. Kidman gets in a few kicks and that’s enough selling for now, meaning it’s weightlifting belt time.

They’re outside for the third time in five minutes and Kidman dropkicks a chair into his face to get his first advantage. How nice of Hogan to let him do that. Kidman tries a DDT but the camera clearly shows that Hogan’s head never comes near colliding with anything. A top rope splash gets two for Kidman but it’s time for more right hands to get Hogan back in control.

Outside again with a hiptoss putting Kidman through the table (did dust fly off the table when he hit it?), revealing Tony’s blue jacket, green pants and tennis shoes. Egads man. Anyway here’s Torrie to hand Hogan brass knuckles but Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie, knocking her off the apron. Kidman hits Hulk with the knuckles for two and punches out Horace for counting slowly, only to have Torrie hit Kidman low. Another punch from Hulk with the knuckles puts Kidman away and sends Hogan to Bash at the Beach.

Rating: D-. How gracious Hogan was to let Kidman beat him up for all of a minute and a half. It’s another wasted match with Hogan going over by cheating and a guest referee who didn’t change a thing. I actually forgot that Horace was even in this for the most part, again proving that the gimmick didn’t add anything.

Hulk and Horace hug. Uh….yay?

Bischoff is panicking because Goldberg might show up. The cops ensure him that perimeter is secure.

Quick recap of Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair though they lie and say it’s David fighting his father. Basically Ric is the worst father ever and David called him out on it. Then Russo beat Flair inside the Cell because he’s a man and Ric is a boy.

David and Russo say Ric is retired tonight.

Ric promises to do the same things he’s promised to do for twenty years.

The Flair Family comes to their seats.

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

Ric takes his son into the corner and taps him on the jaw as the announcers talk about Russo being able to do things that no one has ever been able to accomplish. They head outside with Ric being sent into the barricade to give David control. A sleeper breaks up David’s suplex and it’s time for the chops. David clotheslines him to the floor and Russo gets in some ball bat shots before he handcuffs Ric’s hands together. We hit a bad Figure Four until Ric makes the ropes.

Russo chokes Ric so Reid jumps the barricade (WAY too common recently) and gets shoved down. Reid hits him low and steals the handcuff keys but David shoves him into the corner. Ric gets the keys and uncuffs himself, leaving Ashley (Charlotte, who looks almost the same as she does now at 14 years old here) to take Russo down and cuff him, likely fulfilling ANOTHER sick Russo fantasy that I really don’t need to think about.

Russo swears at the 14 year old (after shoving the 12 year old) and Ric thrusts his hips at him. A slam brings David off the top and the Figure Four makes David tap in two seconds, thereby proving the Russo is in fact more than 35 times tougher than David as he survived seventy seconds without tapping on Monday.

Rating: D. To quote the Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP??? This was every Russo problem rolled into one as there was WAY too much going on, but above all else it felt like some sick idea that only Russo wanted to see. “Here’s what I’m seeing: I beat up the 12 year old who looks just like the kids that beat me up every day, then the 14 year old blonde mounts me like none of them ever would back in high school because I liked this stupid wrestling stuff that I have to write now because I’m cursed to be made a millionaire.”

Russo has already had a woman kidnapped a dozen times or so and now he’s got this. How is any of this stuff supposed to make anyone but Russo look good? David gets beaten up but Russo already got to be all manly in the Figure Four Monday night when he beat Ric. I’m shocked that he doesn’t have Miss Hancock bowing down and worshiping him already, but then he might have to write even more columns and books about how hard this was on him and how it broke his life or whatever “FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND MY MANLINESS” nonsense Russo still gets people to pay for.

Russo lets Ric chop him once before swearing revenge tomorrow on Nitro. So yeah: this meant nothing, Russo is still fine, and the battle will continue with Russo coming back stronger than ever. Ric, Reid and Beth do crotch chops at Russo, who swears to retire Ric tomorrow night. He’s going to beat Flair again tomorrow isn’t he?

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting which is about Vampiro wanting to burn Sting alive because it was interesting when Kane wanted to do it to Undertaker and let’s just do it again here.

Sting vs. Vampiro

There’s a torch hanging by the entrance and you have to get your opponent up there and light them on fire to win. There are firemen, cops and an ambulance waiting in the back. We can add “keeping civil servants busy” to Russo’s amazing list of accomplishments from this show alone. Sting appears on top of the video screen and tells Vampiro to come up here. Vampiro is scared of heights though because Russo writes characters with depth you see.

Never mind as Sting comes down and we start an actual match. Well as close to an actual match as this is going to get. Madden quotes 8mm by saying “You dance with the devil, the devil don’t change. The devil changes you.” but treats it like his own line. Vampiro pours gasoline over Sting and they fight up the ramp. Both guys climb the structure but Sting gets kicked off and through part of the set.

It isn’t enough to keep him down though and they climb to the top of the structure above the video screen where the torch is hanging. The lights start going nuts and they slug it out for a good while. Vampiro DDTs him down and the lights go completely out. Vampiro finally gets the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting is so scared that he’s lost a few inches of hair and has learned how to take a stuntman fall off a high video tower.

Rating: N/A. As Scott Hudson would say after the match, this isn’t wrestling anymore. This is about doing a big stunt like we’re in a Michael Bay movie. On top of that, a long stretch of this “match” was spent punching each other on top of a big video screen. How is anything supposed to follow this? Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash? That’s supposed to interest me after this big ending?

Firemen and agent cover the stuntman with fire extinguishers so you can’t see that it’s not him.

The announcers treat this all seriously (as they should) but then the replays ruin the whole thing by showing that the fire was out before Sting hit the crash pad.

Pamela Paulshock asks Bischoff about the big surprise but Bischoff says it’s not happening because of Goldberg.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

Nash won his shot in a tag match after giving the title to Flair, who had been trading it back and forth with Jeff in an attempt to build a years long legacy in five weeks. After Nash comes out, here’s the Cat to introduce the celebrities, including the bale (yes bale) ringer Konnan, timekeeper Rey Mysterio, belt keeper Disco Inferno and ring announcer Juventud Guererra. Oh and Cat himself is guest enforcer referee. Well to be fair, Nash has beaten like ten people at once multiple times now so this is probably in his favor.

Nash punches the Animals down before going after Jarrett in the corner. In a weird moment, some noise from the entrance stops the match cold and everyone looks up that way but it winds up going nowhere and Nash clotheslines Jeff to the floor. Snake Eyes puts Jeff on the announcers’ table and they brawl into the crowd, which is at least a faster way to kill time than letting them do moves in the ring (I’m not sure about calling what Nash does wrestling).

The Animals beat Nash down at ringside and Jeff gets in a few chair shots. The fans chant for Goldberg as the old school leg work continues. Imagine any old Ric Flair match, slow it down by 40%, and cut off some of Ric’s hair if you want to picture what’s going on here. The Figure Four lets Nash lay around even more until he grabs the ropes. Konnan adds a bell shot for two and Disco throws in the belt, only to have Nash intercept it and knock Jeff cold.

Disco makes up for it by taking out the referee at two and the GOLDBERG chants are getting even louder. Cat comes in and Nash fights off the Animals again, only to eat the Stroke for a delayed two. Jeff tries the guitar but gets chokeslammed for two as Cat has something in his eye.

There’s a powerbomb to Cat and a second to Nash but Rick Steiner comes in to go after Nash. This brings out Tank Abbott to brawl with Scott Steiner who was there to intercept Rick. Juvy gets launched into a dropkick on Nash, followed by a Bronco Buster from Rey. We FINALLY get Goldberg and yeah of course he’s New Blood. Why is he New Blood? SHOCKING! The spear (and a horrible one) lets Jeff retain.

Rating: F. Disco and Chavo, who could have a good match if they were left alone, get about five minutes and this gets over seventeen. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels had to be at their best to get seventeen good minutes out of Kevin Nash and we’re stuck with a middle of the road Jeff Jarrett to try instead?

The overbooking might have been a good idea here but the whole “let’s throw away the one last glimmer of hope we have” In case you’re wondering how this great move helped ratings, the Nitro before this got a 2.8, the next night got a 3.0 (Raw was at a 6.8) and the next week Nitro was a 2.7. Shock value continues to not work in the ratings but Russo will keep swearing by it because people talk about it. Talking doesn’t equal watching of course but Russo doesn’t equal wrestling so it all evens out somehow.

Russo and Bischoff come out of the monster truck and the heels all pose. To sum up WCW’s brilliance and how predictable Russo was at this point, Madden talks about how no one saw this coming as the camera is on a GOLDBERG IS NEW BLOOD sign. Oh and the fans are still chanting GOLDBERG because he’s still awesome and more interesting than anyone in the promotion because of how intense he can be. Trash fills the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: S. For SHOCKING, which is the word of the night. We’re at the point where just calling these shows failures is nowhere near strong enough. I have no idea what the thinking is here other than trying to catch the fans off guard, but as that sign showed: people had figured Russo’s booking out a long time ago because it’s always the last thing you would expect/the dumbest idea they could go with.

We’re now on Hogan (#1 contender), Nash, Flair and Steiner as the top faces (the youngest of these would be Steiner at 37) vs. the combined forces of Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, Goldberg and Jeff Jarrett, meaning the World Champion is now, at best, the fourth biggest heel on this roster (there’s a case for Vampiro being above him too). And this is supposed to make me want to keep watching.

Russo has lost what little sanity he had left and has moved on to nothing but shock value for the sake of shock value with his booking decisions. This show was built on one idea and the fans filled the ring with trash while still chanting for the new top level heel. That’s his big takeaway from this: the fans hate him and one of his top stars was burned up like he was part of a Labor Day barbecue.

There’s nothing good on this show and I don’t remember the last time I gave so many matches a failing grade. The best match was probably Kronik vs. the Mamalukes, meaning the match where a guy turned away from a chance to become #1 contender to the Tag Team Titles so he could polish the joke title that he was given off camera on Wednesday. In two and three quarter hours, I can’t think of a single thing better than a below average #1 contenders tag team match that lasted about nine minutes.

Now the World Champion looks like a joke, Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan are WAY too old to mean anything, Ric Flair is stuck in an eternal feud with a writer who already beat him in a big gimmick match and the most popular guy on the roster was just turned heel to give the heel stable a big gun. Oh and the World Champion is a lame duck waiting for Hogan to take the title again next month.

This is the rare show that feels like it’s designed to punish the audience for watching. It felt like Russo saying “SCREW YOU PEOPLE! You think you’re smarter than me with your internet saying Russo jumped the shark? I’ll show you what you can do with your little protests. ALL SWERVES THAT YOU’LL NEVER SEE COMING!” And then the fans are stuck here, watching Russo get mounted by a 14 year old who handcuffs him so he can swear at her before promising to get revenge on Ric again (which I’m sure he will because this company is his playground). Awful show that gets worse and worse the more I think about it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Great American Bash 1999 (2014 Redo): This Might Be Rock Bottom

Great American Bash 1999
Date: June 13, 1999
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 11,672
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

To say this show doesn’t sound thrilling is an understatement. We’ve spent weeks getting ready for Nash vs. Savage with antics ranging from makeup to human waste to attempted murder. Other than that we have Rick Steiner no selling against Sting for the TV Title and more of the mess that is the Tag Team Title scene. Let’s get to it.

Master P. and the No Limit Soldiers arrive. Curt Hennig pops up and says how much he loves him and asks how much he loves him. P. signs a CD for him (which one of his guys just had in his pocket) and Hennig breaks it. The Soldiers all start jumping up and down and shoulding what sounds like “Hoody who” in high pitched voices. This is a southern promotion for a show in a southern city and they expect Hennig to be booed here?

The opening recap video shows us a stupid Savage vs. Nash feud.

Tony and the announcers explain who Master P. is and call him the biggest entertainer of our time. We hear about the main event as well.

We recap most of the matches on the card. Well at least it cuts into the main event time. They even go back and cover the hardcore match twice.

Hak vs. Brian Knobs

I sit corrected: this is a kendo stick match and Knobs is officially part of the First Family. So why did he say he had to think about it? Tony calls this a kendo stick hardcore match because they can’t even keep their stupid gimmicks straight through a single entrance. Brian has promised Mrs. Nasty a birthday win today so let’s get rid of the sticks and have a real hardcore match. So in the span of 90 seconds we’ve gone from kendo stick to kendo stick hardcore to hardcore. I know it doesn’t matter but it sounds like WCW has no idea what they’re doing.

Brian wants to throw away the weapons but Jimmy throws him a trashcan for a cheap shot. Knobs hits him in the head with a trashcan lid and there’s the Pit Stop. Hak stops a charge with two boots to the face and blasts Knobs with the trashcan. It’s ladder time but Knobs comes back with a trashcan shot of his own. He gets decked by the ladder though and Hak hits a slingshot….something onto the ladder onto Knobs.

Hak gets thrown into the ladder in the corner and a few more ladder shots put him down. The advantage only lasts a few seconds as you would expect but Hak’s Swanton only hits ladder. Jimmy holds up a chair but Hak sends him face first into the steel, setting up a kendo stick shot for the pin.

Rating: F. We waited thirteen minutes for the matches to start and this is the best they can give us? The only positive about this is the match wasn’t even six minutes long, which is way better than the usual lengths that we have to sit through. It’s still bad though and I’m tired of seeing these disasters.

Hugh Morrus comes out and helps beat down Knobs.

Piper is in the back when Buff comes up to thank him for giving him the ball. He has a big match tonight (against Disco Inferno) and promises to have Piper’s back tonight against Flair. Buff leaves and Piper mutters about stupid kids. Lines like that defeat the purpose of Piper as the mentor to the young guys. He should be thrilled with where the future is going instead of being annoyed with them for saying they’ll have his back. Also, is a match with Disco Inferno “getting the ball” when you had a US Title match last month?

Mikey Whipwreck vs. Van Hammer

Bonus match. Mikey gets shoved down a few times but comes back with some armdrags. Hammer chokes him to take over and drives a knee into Mikey’s ribs. A middle rope slam sends Mikey flying as the fans think this is boring. Hammer gets two off a delayed vertical suplex and a legdrop before we hit the abdominal stretch. Nick Patrick finally catches him holding the ropes so Hammer throws Mikey to the floor. Mikey goes throat first over the barricade but he comes back with a legdrop to the back of the head and a plancha. Back in and Hammer catches him in a spinebuster, setting up a cobra clutch slam for the pin.

Rating: D-. Somehow that was eight and a half minutes long. To recap, we can’t get Booker T. on this show but there’s time for Mikey Whipwreck vs. Van Hammer. Mikey is one of those hires that never made sense. He won like two matches in his six months with the company, even though WCW knew he was banged up when they got him. Eh whatever you can do to screw with ECW I guess.

Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell

In case you didn’t get enough of it on Nitro I guess. They start fast for a change by trading kicks to the ribs until Disco grabs a neckbreaker to send him outside. Back in and Buff kicks him in the ribs a few times, setting up a swinging neckbreaker of his own. Buff cranks on an armbar and starts a DISCO SUCKS chant. An early Blockbuster attempt sends Disco running to the floor and Buff says it was that close.

Back in and Bagwell flips him off (some hero) so Disco nails him with a Stun Gun to take over. Disco chokes on the ropes so Tony congratulates all the recent high school graduates in the country. Ok then. More slow stomping in the corner from Inferno followed by a dancing middle rope elbow for two. Disco goes up for the same spot but Buff moves (that might have been some miscommunication as Tony made a big deal about Bagwell not moving the first time) and starts his comeback.

Some right hands look to set up the Blockbuster but Buff takes too long and gets crotched. They head outside and Disco hits the Last Dance, only to take too long dancing to allow Bagwell to beat the count. Back in and the Macarena Driver (exactly what it sounds like) is countered with a backdrop. Buff hits some really basic stuff and goes up for the Blockbuster. Disco ducks away but Bagwell doesn’t bite and hits the Blockbuster for the pin. Nice little callback there.

Rating: D+. Of all the guys that WCW never pulled the trigger on, Bagwell might surprise me more than anyone else. He was young (29 here), an eight year veteran, had a great look and a good finisher, yet he never won a singles title in WCW. That’s not even factoring in the whole broken neck story. He’s a good example of a guy that could have been something but instead we’re stuck with the Steiners as the midcard champions and Nash vs. Savage for the World Title. Bagwell never would have carried the company or anything, but there’s no reason he couldn’t have gotten the US or TV Titles a few times.

We recap the battle of the musics. Again, WCW was stupid enough to think that the country boys would be the heels in this story.

DJ Ran wastes our time and brings in Master P. and the No Limit Soldiers.

Curt Hennig/Bobby Duncum Jr. vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan

Tenay actually picks rap. We also get the debut of Rap Is Crap as the cowboys’ theme song. I have no idea why A, Mysterio is Cruiserweight Champion is he never defends the thing and B, why he and Konnan come out wearing gas masks. Tenay tries and fails at getting me to care about Master P. The rappers jump Hennig for talking trash about Master P. and the cowboys are quickly dispatched. P. gets in a cheap shot to the back of Curt’s head because that’s what good guys down.

We get down to an actual match with Mysterio dropkicking Hennig to the floor and nailing a plancha but diving into a backbreaker from Duncum. A big powerbomb plants Rey again and Hennig slams him down as well. Rey takes the Bret Hart chest bump into the corner and the cowboys keep things slow. The referee misses the hot tag to Konnan and takes him to the floor, allowing Bobby to send Mysterio hard into the barricade.

Back in and Curt hits a perfect dropkick to Rey’s jaw and spits at Konnan to draw him in. Bobby crotches him against the post and Rey is in big trouble. Hennig does a Rude hip swivel and it’s quickly back to Duncum. Rey crawls through the legs and tags Konnan which the referee sees but “he didn’t see it” so it doesn’t count.

Hennig gets two off a suplex but Rey moonsaults over him and scores with a dropkick. Now the hot tag brings in Konnan as everything breaks down. There’s the Bronco Buster to Curt and he fights with Konnan on the floor. Cue Barry Windham to nail Konnan but Master P.’s bodyguard Swoll jumps the barricade and nails Duncum, setting up a slingshot legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was pretty dull and the ending was messier than it needed to be. The idea doesn’t work either as the country boys are far more popular with WCW’s fan base but we’re supposed to cheer for rappers who jump up and down and shout HOODY WHO for some reason. But hey, at least Master P. is on the show right?

The cowboys destroy the rappers post match.

The announcers talk about what we just saw and we look at a replay of it to waste even more time.

Cat vs. Scott Norton

Sonny has a briefcase with him. Actually scratch Norton as Horace comes out to complain about getting hit with the crowbar on Thursday. Time for a replacement.

Cat vs. Horace Hogan

Horace says Miller couldn’t even beat himself and the fight is on. Cat gets beaten down in the corner and choked with a boot before they head outside. That goes nowhere so Miller kicks him in the face back inside. Miller slams him down and throws Horace outside for some kicks from Sonny. Back in and Horace hits a slam of his own and drops an elbow for two. A splash gets two more but Sonny gets up on the apron for a distraction. Horace sees through it and backdrops Miller to the floor. In the confusion, Miller gets his sparkly red shoe from the briefcase and kicks Horace senseless for the pin.

Rating: D-. Oh come on man I already had to sit through this on Thunder. Isn’t that enough for WCW? I knew things were going to get bad around this time but no one told me I was going to have to sit through this match twice in four days. Miller needs to turn face soon and Horace needs to turn to another career.

We recap Piper vs. Flair. Piper is old, Flair is crazy (actually just more evil than anything else) and they’re fighting for control of the company.

Roddy Piper vs. Ric Flair

Flair has Asya and Arn with him. They trade chops to start and Piper takes over with some lefts to the face. We get a delayed Flair Flop and Ric begs off in the corner. The slowest backslide this side of the last Piper match gets two and Flair gets punched to the floor. Back in and Piper bites Flair’s nose, followed by even more of his weird punches. Ric finally gets in a low blow to get a breather and things slow down even more. Anderson gets in a shot on the floor and Asya adds a rake of the eyes.

There’s another low blow from Flair but a sunset flip sends his trunks down as usual. Ric gets slammed off the top and Piper nails Anderson for bad measure. I can’t say there’s anything good, even a measure, in this match. Back in and Roddy puts on a sleeper but Flair quickly breaks it. Anderson trips up Roddy so Flair can nail Piper with a foreign object. Piper is up at two but there’s the Figure Four. Bagwell comes out to break up Anderson’s interference and goes in, drawing the DQ.

Rating: F. Gah. Seriously just gah. This was another mess with Flair having to work down to Piper’s level and Piper just being awful. I have no idea why WCW insists on keeping Piper out there when the fans don’t care and the stories go on and on. Piper and Flair had a great feud seventeen years ago. We really don’t need to see it again here and this match is good proof of why.

Post match Piper nails Bagwell, making this whole feud TOTALLY POINTLESS. Bagwell gets whipped with a belt for good measure. So yeah, Piper is in league with Flair and Anderson, presumably for daring to challenge the status quo.

DJ Ran. Again.

We recap Sting vs. Rick Steiner who are fighting…..actually I have no idea why they’re fighting. My best guess is Goldberg is out making a movie though.

Sting vs. Rick Steiner

This is hardcore and non-title for no apparent reason. Sting scores with an early clothesline and they head outside to start brawling. That’s a bit too boring though so they head inside where Rick nails some forearms to the back. A pair of atomic drops don’t have much effect on Steiner and they head outside again. Tony says there must be a winner.

Steiner hits Sting with a chair and then a beer. Sting comes back but the Stinger Splash hits the barricade. A piledriver on the exposed concrete gets two and somehow doesn’t break Sting’s neck. Back in and Rick gets two more off a release German suplex, followed by the chinlock. Rick cannonballs down onto Sting’s back and gets two off an elbow drop. Sting finally gets his knees up to crotch Rick and some Vader Bombs actually keep him down.

The top rope splash connects for two and Sting is all fired up. He nails the Stinger Splash and puts on the Deathlock but Rick crawls under the ropes. They fight to the internet location and into the back where Tank Abbot is waiting…..with two dobermans and a rottweiler who attack Sting. They take Sting down as security runs in like a bad shot from an action movie. Rick is declared the winner as the fans just rip this apart.

Rating: F-. Three dogs. Three dogs. THREE DOGS. Next. Please.

The Steiners say Rick pinned Sting off camera because WCW was too scared to air it. They own WCW, Baltimore sucks, etc.

We recap the Triad against Saturn/Benoit. The easiest version: Kanyon was in league with the Jersey boys the whole time but Benoit and Saturn beat Kanyon and Page for the titles on Thunder.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Saturn vs. Kanyon/Diamond Dallas Page

The announcers are joking about pyro after Sting WAS NEARLY MAULED BY DOGS. That’s a long running problem with commentators: they have the attention span of drunken gnats. Someone must get in their ear as they start talking about how terrifying a moment it was but assure us that Sting was dragged away from the dogs. Benoit runs Kanyon over to start and Page isn’t pleased. The champs clear the ring with clotheslines and Benoit stands…..well not very tall actually.

It’s off to Page vs. Saturn with DDP taking a few slams. Everything breaks down again and the champions easily dispatch the Jersey boys. That’s not enough for them though as they go outside to beat up Bigelow before snapping off overhead belly to bellies on Page and Kanyon. Bigelow trips Benoit to the floor and sends him into the barricade to get the first advantage. Kanyon gets two off a middle rope Fameasser and Benoit is in trouble. Back to Page whose powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip but Benoit gets kicked right back down.

The helicopter bomb gets two on Benoit and it’s back to Kanyon, but he misses a moonsault. The hot tag brings in Saturn for a frog splash on Page. Saturn hammers on Page in the corner but Kanyon takes him down with an electric chair faceplant for two. Things settle back down with the challengers hitting a nice sequence into a Russian legsweep from Kanyon and an elbow drop from Page. Saturn grabs a sunset flip but Kanyon tags out on the way down and holds Saturn’s head so Page can come in off the top for the save.

Back to Kanyon for a front facelock into a swinging neckbreaker. A sitout Dominator from Kanyon gives Page two but he misses a charge into the corner. It’s finally enough for the second hot tag to bring in Benoit for some much needed house cleaning. Kanyon takes the Rolling Germans for two but Page makes the save.

We get the old school dragon suplex for a VERY close two and Benoit hits the Swan Dive, only to have Saturn dive into the Diamond Cutter. Cue Dean Malenko to try and help Saturn back in but the distraction lets Bigelow come in to lift Benoit up for a super Diamond Cutter. Kanyon’s unconscious body is put on top for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. I’m so glad they gave us that three day reign before the Triad got the belts back. As usual the (mostly) old guys get the win and the titles while the (mostly) young generation is laid out. In theory this sets up a six man at least which should be good, but knowing WCW it leads to Benoit, Saturn and Malenko jobbing for months.

Dean gets laid out too.

We recap Savage vs. Nash. Savage wanted a title shot so he put lipstick on Nash’s face, called him a stupid person and tried to have him crushed with a Hummer. Don’t you see the logical progression of events?

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage

Nash is defending and powers Savage into the corner to start, showing absolutely no injuries from being crushed by a Hummer six days earlier. Wait scratch that as he winces a bit after a clothesline in the corner. The impact is kind of lost though when he picks Savage up for a side slam three seconds later.

Randy starts going after the ribs and knocks Nash to the floor so the girls can get in shots of their own. Back in and Savage drops the big elbow for two. Nash comes back with Snake Eyes followed by a big boot and the strap comes down. The girls all interfere and get dispatched but SID VICIOUS runs in and attacks Nash for the DQ.

Rating: F. The main event of a pay per view didn’t even make it seven and a half minutes. Actually that’s a bit better than the alternative of watching these two fight any longer as it’s clear that Savage has nothing left in the ring. Sid interfering was a big surprise as he hadn’t been seen in a major wrestling company (unless you count ECW) since 1997. Nash not selling the ribs for the opening part of the match brought it down but you can’t expect Nash to sell and toss his hair at the same time.

Overall Rating: F. If I’ve ever seen a less interesting or worse show, I can’t recall it off the top of my head. There was one good match, three matches that should have been on Nitro or Thunder (one of which was) and Sting being attacked by dogs. Say that out loud and see if you think it’s stupid. Couple that with the horrible main event and there isn’t much to feel good about.

The problem here is much more than the wrestling being bad. This show died because there’s nothing interesting going on. Nothing on here makes me want to tune in to see what’s coming. It’s all the old guys dominating and the young guys getting beaten down. In theory that should set up a good story, but I have no faith in WCW to pull that off. Hogan’s return looms over everything too and that might make things even worse. I’m not sure how, but it could. This was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen and I didn’t see much hope.

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Required Viewing #12: I Want Violence

WarGames.

Because I have a taste for some blood. For those of you young people that haven’t gotten to see this, it’s the ultimate team violence match. There are two rings side by side and they’re both surrounded by cage, save for the space between the rings. There are two teams of five men (later four) each and one man will start from both teams. They fight for five minutes and then there’s a coin toss. The winning team (the heels literally always won) would get to send in a second man for a 2-1 advantage, lasting two minutes. After those two minutes are up, the team that lost the toss sends in its second man to tie it up for two minutes. You alternate until all ten men are in and then it’s first submission wins.

This match almost always had a ton of blood and are easily the most violent matches you would find this side of Hell in a Cell. WCW started these in 1987 and ran them through 1997 (screw that mess in 1998. That wasn’t WarGames). We’re going to be looking at the two best, though almost all of them are worth checking out.

First up is the inaugural edition, held on July 4, 1987 on the Great American Bash tour.  This is the mother of all wars as we have Dusty Rhodes/Magnum TA/Road Warriors/Paul Ellering vs. the Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon.  I really don’t think this needs a huge explanation.

 

Dusty Rhodes/Road Warriors/Nikita Koloff/Paul Ellering vs. Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon

The Horsemen in this case are Flair, Anderson, Blanchard, Luger and JJ Dillon. Flair’s music is epic as they crank the music WAY up. This is the Atlanta main event and it’s the debut of WarGames. For those of you uninitiated, WarGames is the mother of all gimmick matches. You have two teams of five and each team sends in a member. Those two fight for five minutes and there’s a coin toss.

The winning team gets to send in the third man to have a 2-1 advantage. That lasts two minutes and then the team that lost the toss gets to send in its second man to tie it at 2-2. That lasts two minutes then the team that won the toss sends in its third man. You alternate like that every two minutes until it’s 5-5 and then it’s first submission. No pins allowed.

Arn and Dusty start us off and remember this can’t end until all ten are in. There are two rings side by side with one huge cage over them if I didn’t mention that. They feel each other out a lot as they’re not entirely sure what to do here. Dusty walks on the second rope and then swings across the top of the cage to kick him in the ribs. Now they’re going and Dusty pounds away including a low blow which is perfectly legal.

There’s a DDT by Dusty and the crowd is red hot. Arn is cut open about two and a half minutes in so Dusty rakes it across the cage wall. Everyone hates everyone on the other team so this is a huge blood feud all around. Dusty sends him into the cage and has dominated the entire time. After a quick comeback by Arn Dusty gets his bad Figure Four on and then lets go of it because….well just because I guess.

The Horsemen win the toss (the faces literally never won the thing) and it’s Tully in next. The Horsemen beat him down but Dusty is booking so he knocks them both down with elbows. And scratch that as Tully gets in a knee shot and the double teaming begins. Tully puts on a Figure Four as they work over the knee. The clock seems to skip ahead a bit (no sign of clipping though) and Animal comes in to tie it up.

He starts launching Horsemen everywhere and sets Tully up for a slingshot which he rams three straight times. Shoulder block takes Tully down and Dusty destroys Anderson. I think Blanchard is busted and he gets double teamed a bit. Anderson looks dead. Animal is like screw that and rams him into the cage a few times. Flair is in to make it 3-2 and chops at Animal which doesn’t work. The number catch up with him as Anderson is back up quickly.

Sorry for a lot of play by play here but it’s the only thing you can do in matches like this one. Animal is busted. Dusty tries to fight back but he’s almost on his own. The fans are so loud that you can’t hear Tony and Jim. Dusty is bleeding and here comes Nikita. Flair grabs him as he comes in but the power of RUSSIA breaks up the Horsemen. The double ring thing here is very nice as they have room to move around. Animal sends Flair into the cage and he’s bleeding now. Dusty is gushing blood.

Nikita and Dusty work on the knee of Anderson but Nikita goes to get Tully stuck between the two rings and hits him between the ropes in a slingshot thing. Flair begs off Nikita and that doesn’t end well for the champ. A double dropkick puts Anderson down and here’s Lex. This is literally non-stop. Powerslam plants Koloff and Lex is dominating. There’s a spike piledriver to Nikita and then a second one just to kill him deader than dead. The Horsemen are in control but they’re starting to fall from exhaustion and blood loss.

Here’s Hawk and the fans erupt all over again. He destroys everything in sight and if you’re not bleeding already you will be now. Nikita’s neck is messed up and he can barely stand. JR is in Heaven with this much carnage. Flair gets a Figure Four on Dusty but it doesn’t count yet. The Horsemen only have JJ Dillon left and he’s a manger. He goes after Hawk and that’s just dumb.

Flair saves JJ’s life and they’re getting tired. Flair is bleeding a ton as if you expected anything else. JJ is taking a beating but Animal is getting triple teamed. Here’s Ellering to get us all tied up and now the match can end. Ellering has an LOD spiked pad on his arm. Dillon is bleeding BAD so Ellering JAMS THE SPIKE INTO HIS EYE. The LOD circles in on Dillon as the rest of the team runs interference. The Warriors spear his head into the cage and load up the Doomsday Device. JJ lands on his shoulder, legitimately hurting it. With Animal running interference, Hawk beats him half to death until he gives up to finally end this.

Rating: A+. This runs 26 minutes and there is literally no stopping in the whole thing. There isn’t some period where they chill because they’ve done enough. This is about brutality and violence and it works very well. There’s a ton of blood and JJ looks like he fell out of a building (for some reason in wrestling attire) at the end of it. It’s well worth seeing and still works today. Great match.

 

Next up might be the greatest WCW match of all time.  This is the blowoff to the awesome Dangerous Alliance story as Sting and his buddies are finally getting to go against the Alliance in one huge, bloody match with an all-star lineup.  From WrestleWar 1992.

 

War Games: Sting’s Squadron vs. Dangerous Alliance

Sting, Ricky Steamboat, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, Nikita Koloff
Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson

Sweet goodness there is some talent in this match.

Ok so there isn’t much of a backstory here. Back in 1992 the storyline pretty much went like this: Sting fights everybody. He feuded with about 5 people at once, most of which are in this match. At Halloween Havoc and the Clash of the Champions that came just after it, Rude showed up and stole the US Title from Sting, forming this team. Sting won the world title at SuperBrawl and the Alliance wanted it off of him, no matter who did it (it would be Vader eventually but we’ll get to that later).

Larry and Arn were a tag team and feuded with Barry and Dustin over the tag titles. Barry had also just gotten the TV Title off Austin. Ricky wanted to be US Champion, which was Rude at the moment. Anderson and Eaton had taken them from Rhodes and Windham before losing them to the Steiners two weeks before this. In short, everyone hates everyone and they don’t care who they’re fighting. Koloff is there….just because Sting needed a fifth guy more or less. He would go after Rude after this PPV.

For those of you new to War Games, the rules are pretty basic. You start with a man each and they fight for five minutes. After that five minutes we flip a coin and the winning team gets to send in their second man for a 2-1 advantage that lasts two minutes. After two minutes, the team that lost gets to even it up at 2-2 for two minutes. After that two minutes the team that won the toss sends in it’s third man for two minutes. You alternate like that until it’s 5-5, then first submission wins. No pinfalls at all. It’s a double cage over both rings and there is nothing separating the two rings, so both cages only have three walls in essence, but it’s really just one big cage.

This is the first time I’ve seen this match since I got into the IWC and since I started reviewing, so this is going to be a fresh look at it. Let’s get to it.

Everyone is at ringside for this, so I’d expect a fight out there too. There are tops on the cages too. Crowd is just insane for Sting. Good grief that face team is STACKED. In a Dangerous Alliance huddle, we hear that Austin is starting for his team. He starts against Windham and it is ON immediately. Heyman keeps running strategy and it’s cool because what he’s saying is actual strategy and makes sense.

Both guys are really stiff in there and are just pounding on each other. Austin DIVES over both ropes and hits a clothesline. For those of you that haven’t seen him before he hurt his neck and his knees became made of jelly, go find some of his stuff. He’s a totally different but still very good worker. Windham rubs Austin’s face into the cage to bust him open. There’s a minute left before the next guy comes in. Windham bites the cut to open it up more. If you can’t tell, this is a very violent match.

The Alliance wins the coin toss (check the coin) and they send their big man, Rick Rude, in to make it 2-1. Also, that’s three world champions (Rude won the Big Gold Belt which is kind of a world title) in there I believe? The heels take over and Windham is in trouble. Rude’s tights look like the Comi-Con logo. Steamboat ties it up and goes straight for Austin. Ticked off Steamboat is AWESOME. Dang  it’s nice to hear this without Tony Schiavone making bad war puns.

Windham is busted open. Steamboat and Windham are dominating here but Anderson, the best wrestler to never win a world title (arguably) comes in and cleans house. Rude and Anderson both hook a crab on Steamboat. This has been non-stop the whole time which is a major perk of it. For some reason they’re all staying in the same ring. Well with five guys it’s ok. And there goes Steamboat and Rude so scratch that theory.

Dustin Rhodes comes in to balance it out. If my math is right, he’s the least successful guy in here? That’s saying a lot. Steamboat gets Rude in a figure four, more or less making it 2-2. Zbyszko, another former world champion, is in to make it 4-3. He’s been in trouble lately for being a screw-up and Rhodes beats the tar out of him as soon as he comes in. Madusa goes up the cage and slips Arn the phone but she and Sting have a standoff on the roof.

There is blood EVERYWHERE. The mat looks like an abstract painting. Sting, who has bad ribs thanks to Vader, evens things up and press slams Rude up into the air so that his back slams into the cage five times. Sting is just whipping it here and we have two more guys left to come in. Arn gets the cage rake again and is bleeding too. Everyone is in one ring which is kind of cluttering but there they go. At least it didn’t last long.

Eaton comes in as the last man for the Dangerous Alliance. Rhodes is bleeding a ton. Windham looks quite dead. Larry is messing with the turnbuckle. Keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. The ropes are clearly loose thanks to Larry and Rude doing whatever they were doing. Koloff comes in to FINALLY start the match beyond. No submissions could have counted until now.

Koloff is a wild card because a year or so earlier he had nailed Sting but claimed it had been meant for Luger so no one is sure if you can trust him. He pushes Sting out of the way to let Austin and Anderson hit him in a GREAT bit of continuity since Sting pushed Luger out of the way to start their whole issue. This is just pure insanity and never stopping at all.

Sting gets the Scorpion on Anderson but Eaton makes the save. They completely get the turnbuckle unhooked so there is no top rope and the buckle is just laying in the ring. Austin is bleeding like crazy. Rhodes’ tights are polka dot now from blood on them. Larry tells Bobby to hold up Sting so he can hit him with the steel bar that came off the buckle. Sting ducks and Eaton takes it to the arm. Steamboat takes Larry out and Sting throws on an armbar for the submission and to blow the roof off the place. Heyman LOSES IT and everyone gets mad at Larry as the show ends. This broke up the Dangerous Alliance because they lost this and it kind of wound up turning Larry face but more or less he just retired.

Rating: A+. This right here is the best gimmick match blowoff to a feud ever. This match was about VIOLENCE and it worked incredibly well. The ending was great, the violence was great, most people bled, there is not a single dead spot in the nearly 25 minutes that this match ran, the crowd was white hot, and the feud ended here. This was it and everyone knew it so they left everything they had in the ring. Perfection for what it was supposed to be.

 

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Great American Bash 1998: Top Ten Show If You Stop After Goldberg

Great American Bash 1998
Date: June 14, 1998
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,810
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re at the big summer PPV which originally gave us everything between the first War Games and the worst major PPV of all time, so it’s hard to say what to expect here. There’s a double main event with Sting vs. Giant for control of both tag titles and an actual tag match of Hart/Hogan vs. Piper/Savage with Piper and Savage agreeing to fight each other after it’s over. Hopefully the lower part of the card can save the top guys again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a seizure inducing series of videos of the people in almost all the matches with various patriotic symbols in between.

The announcers talk about the main events a bit.

Gene talks about the Giant vs. Sting tag title match. Apparently Giant will pick Disciple if he wins both belts. That’s quite the team.

Now the announcers preview match #7 (really 8th) match in the Booker vs. Benoit series. We get a video of the original seventh match from Thunder where Bret Hart tried to give Benoit the match but Chris didn’t want to win it that way. Booker agreed to another match tonight, winner take all.

Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

The winner gets a TV Title shot tonight against Finlay. Feeling out process to start with Benoit hooking a very quick armdrag to take over. Booker might have a bad knee coming in after the match on Thursday but he comes right back with an armdrag of his own. Benoit bails to the floor and it’s right back to a standoff a few seconds later. Booker grabs a hammerlock to take Chris down before hooking a half nelson into a rollup for two. Benoit fights up and cranks on a hammerlock of his own, only to be elbowed in the face.

Benoit is sent into the corner and peppered with more forearms before charging into a boot to the jaw. Chris will have none of that and takes out the bad knee with a dragon screw legwhip to get his first real advantage. They head to the corner for some WOO inspiring chops from the Canadian before he elbows Booker in the face for two. We hit a chinlock on Mr. T. as Tony compares Booker vs. Benoit seven times to Finlay fighting guys like High Voltage. There’s a snap suplex for two on Booker as things slow down a bit.

Benoit’s belly to back superplex is countered into a cross body for two but Benoit comes right back by stomping Booker down and putting on another chinlock. Booker fights up again but a hard knee to the stomach puts him right back down. Benoit drapes Booker’s ribs across the top rope for two but doesn’t seem sure how to follow up. Back to the chinlock as the fans immediately start cheering for Booker again. Off to a surfboard hold with Benoit’s knees in the back but Booker fights up and scores with a powerslam.

T goes up but Benoit steps to the side to avoid a spinning cross body ala Samoa Joe in a nice counter. A Crossface attempt lands right in the ropes so Benoit goes right back to the chinlock. Booker elbows up and hits an enziguri to put Benoit back down. There’s the snap spinebuster followed by a flapjack, allowing Booker to spin up. The missile dropkick is broken up with Booker getting crotched on the top, allowing Chris to superplex Booker down in a great looking crash.

Neither guy can immediately follow up though until Benoit gets a very delayed cover for two. Here are the rolling Germans but Booker breaks it up before the third. Instead Benoit busts out the dragon suplex for a very near fall. Booker is sent into the corner and tries the spinning sunset flip but Benoit is still in the middle of the ring in a nice bit of psychology. Benoit suplexes him down again and hits the Swan Dive but still can’t cover. Booker comes back with a side kick to the back of the head, setting up the missile dropkick for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: B. This would have been better with a minute or two cut out to lower the chinlockery levels, but even with them this was a great opening match and a perfect way to fire up the crowd. It’s one of those matches where both guys come out looking great though I would have liked to see Booker win more. Still though, very few complaints here.

Chavo is on the internet and says he needs the punishment that Eddie will give him tonight.

Saturn vs. Kanyon

I believe this is Kanyon’s first match under that name. Someone comes out in the Mortis gear but the real Kanyon sneaks in behind Saturn and gets two off a rollup. A neckbreaker gets the same as Kanyon starts fast. Saturn gets stomped down in the corner as Kanyon still has his vest on. An electric chair into a faceplant gets two but Kanyon has to deck Kidman off the apron. There’s a clothesline to put Saturn on the floor as this is all Kanyon so far. Saturn trips him up though and scores with a slingshot splash for no cover.

Kanyon gets back up and hits a kind of Fameasser out of the corner as Lodi, Riggs and Horace are all on the floor. Saturn kicks him to the floor for a triple team from the Flock, followed by a BIG dive over the top to put everyone down. Nick Patrick throws the Flock out and Kanyon is whipped into the barricade (called the post by Tony) to injure his ribs. Back in and Saturn kicks away at the head and puts on an ankle lock. Off to something resembling Cattle Mutilation but Kanyon gets his feet in the ropes.

Kanyon is crotched on the ropes and a springboard clothesline from Saturn puts both guys on the floor. Saturn throws a chair into the ring as apparently this is Raven’s Rules. Perry uses the chair as a springboard for a dropkick in the corner and a Sabu Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. Saturn tries a sunset flip but gets caught in midair with a northern lights suplex for a close two. Saturn comes right back with a swinging neckbreaker for two of his own and we hit the chinlock.

They get back up with Saturn getting suplexed down and then dropped throat first across the top rope. A jumping back elbow to the jaw puts Saturn down and a fireman’s carry flapjack gets another near fall. Kanyon’s downward spiral is countered into a half nelson suplex from Saturn but the Death Valley Driver is escaped as well.

Saturn kicks Kanyon in the face but he loads up a superplex instead of covering. Kanyon fights back and both guys get crotched before falling out to the floor. Cue the guy who played Mortis earlier….and another guy in a Mortis mask as well. The Mortises (Mortisi?) slug it out and brawl to the floor as Kanyon hits a quick downward spiral for the pin.

Rating: B. Take two guys who can do a ton of moves in the ring and let them beat the tar out of each other for fifteen minutes. The pair of masked guys near the end had me worried but thankfully they didn’t do anything but throw Saturn back inside. Kanyon had a ton of potential as the guy just showing off every night but like everything else in WCW, that wouldn’t get very far.

One of the Mortises holds up Kanyon’s arm but pulls him into a DDT. That one is Raven but we don’t get to see who is under the other hood. Raven says Saturn had one job but couldn’t even do that right so here’s the Flock for the big beatdown. Saturn will have none of that though and fights them off, including a suplex for Raven.

To recap so far, we’re about 45 minutes into this show and two of the matches have been GREAT. You’ve had Benoit, Booker, Saturn and Kanyon tearing the house down and firing the crowd up over a match for a shot at the lower card title and a story that makes little sense. These guys are tearing the house down, but how long would it be before any of them got anywhere? Nearly two years, with Booker and Benoit becoming world champions because the original choices for champion were unavailable. It’s amazing what politics and idiocy can do to a company.

We recap Malenko vs. Jericho since Slamboree. Basically Jericho has been demanding the title back because Malenko wasn’t announced as an entrant in the battle royal and saying Dean was letting his dead dad down. Malenko agreed to give up the title for a shot against Jericho. Chris freaked out because he wanted to be handed the title instead of having a match for it.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho

The title is vacant coming in. They stare each other down before charging into a double clothesline. Jericho pops back up and hits another clothesline to take over but Dean comes right back with a German suplex. Malenko stomps Jericho down in the corner as Chris screams like a coward. Jericho gets up a boot to stop a charging Malenko before putting on a headlock. Malenko rolls out of a quick Liontamer attempt and gets two off a suplex. Dean puts a knee in Jericho’s back and pulls on his arms to give us more screaming.

Dean whips him into the corner for a Flair Flip, but Jericho takes it two steps further by hitting his head on the post and getting caught in the Tree of Woe. Jericho falls out to the floor but slides back in to hit a pescado to the floor to take over. Back in and a suplex gets two for the blonde before it’s off to a sleeper. Dean fights out but gets suplexed back down for another two.

Jericho is getting frustrated at not being able to finish Malenko so he chokes Dean on the top rope. A slam sets up the Lionsault but Malenko rolls away to get a breather. Malenko comes back with a leg lariat and a rolling cradle for two. A middle rope facejam out of the corner gets another close two and Dean puts Jericho on the top. Jericho is able to fight out of the super gutbuster and hook a top rope hurricanrana. A very quick cover gets two for Chris but his powerbomb is blocked by right hands.

Jericho rolls through the cover into a regular Boston crab but Malenko quickly makes the ropes. Dean tries to jump over Jericho in the corner but gets caught in an Alabama Slam. Jericho still can’t hook the Liontamer so Dean grabs the Cloverleaf. Chris gets to the ropes even faster than Dean did and grabs a quick butterfly backbreaker. Jericho slaps him in the face and says Dean is nothing, just like his dead father. That’s enough for Dean and the brawl goes to the floor where Malenko cracks Jericho with a chair for a DQ.

Rating: B-. Logical but frustrating ending aside, this is the third straight good match of the night. Malenko snapping is a great thing to see and Jericho being forced to shut up and wrestle is always worth a look. This feud has been really solid and Jericho using his brain to take away Malenko’s calm was really smart.

Dean isn’t done and takes Jericho to the back, ramming him into various things along the way. They go outside the arena with Jericho being rammed into a mailbox. They get too near the traffic and security steps in, so Jericho sprints across the street and into another building. Jericho is announced as the winner via DQ.

Eddie begs Chavo for forgiveness and for Grandma to get him out of this.

Juventud Guerrera’s music starts but stops after a second so the announcers can talk about Jericho having a claim to the Cruiserweight Title.

Video on Juventud Guerrera who won’t give up. By this I mean him walking around ancient ruins in Mexico.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Reese

Standard giant bully vs. scrappy little guy story coming into this. Guerrera prays before the match starts and we get a LONG staredown. Juvy tries a right hand but is easily sent backwards into the corner. He charges right back and scores with some shots to the face but Reese shoves him right back down. Guerrera bails to the floor and gets Reese to chase him, only to slide back in and try a dive. Reese pulls him out of the air and tosses Juvy back inside but the small man kicks at the knee as Reese gets back in.

Reese grabs Juvy by the head and holds him back to show just how much bigger he is than Guerrera. Juvy goes up and tries a choke before ripping at his face. Reese goes down to one knee where he still comes up to Guerrera’s shoulders. The big man finally just drops back to crush Juvy and the beating begins. There’s a backbreaker with Juvy being bent over Reese’s knee like a toy.

A HUGE beal sends Guerrera across the ring and Reese stands on his hair and pulls on Juvy’s arms. There’s the bearhug with Reese shaking Juvy around like he’s made of paper. Reese lets him go so Juvy kicks him low a few times, which is legal since Reese is in the Flock ala Saturn earlier. In a smart move, Reese drops down to a knee to punch Juvy in the face.

A vertical suplex puts Juvy down but he climbs up the referee to beat the ten count. Now Reese gets a chair but referee Charles Robinson pulls it away. Juvy goes up top for a hurricanrana but gets caught in midair. Lodi has the referee for no apparent reason and Van Hammer pops up to blast Reese with the chair, allowing Juvy to flip him over (even more awkwardly than you would imagine) and get a pin with Reese’s shoulders only about four inches off the mat.

Rating: C+. They were THIS close to hitting this out of the park but the ending didn’t quite work. The hurricanrana looking terrible and the pin being a disaster brings this down but that’s about its only problem. They had the crowd right where they wanted them and could have blown the roof off if the underdog won like he should have. Hammer coming in was fine as if Juvy overcomes too much it becomes comical which is the wrong idea. This was a tightrope to walk and they almost pulled it off.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

This is the match I’ve wanted to see more than any other after seeing the buildup. Eddie tried to turn Chavo into an Eddie clone and kept tormenting Chavo when he couldn’t get it right. Chavo finally snapped and completely turned the tables on Eddie, sending his uncle running scared. Chavo is all ticked off to start and slaps Eddie in the corner, causing the uncle to pound him in the face. Eddie takes him down with a trip but Chavo gets on top and pounds away with right hands.

Back up and Chavo rushes at Eddie but gets dropped face first on the top turnbuckle. Eddie misses a charge into the post though and Chavo rams him into all three buckles in a corner a total of about 15 times. Chavo drags him around the ring by the hair and dropkicks him down, sending Eddie out to the floor. He tries to walk out but Chavo is still ticked off. They head back in where Eddie kicks the rope into Chavo to take over.

Back in and Eddie works on the arm for a bit before sending Chavo to the apron. The nephew goes up top and tries a flip attack but lands on his feet, only to run across the ring and go up top for a moonsault press, good for two. Eddie sends him right back into the corner and out to the floor as this has been very physical for the first six minutes or so. Back inside and a brainbuster puts Chavo down, but Eddie slaps him in the face to make Chavo snap again. Chavo chases Eddie around the ring until Eddie gets back inside and hides behind the referee.

The distraction lets Eddie get in a shot to the knee and Chavo stops cold. A dropkick to the knee sends Chavo down in a heap so Eddie puts on a figure four. Eddie yells at the fans and lets the hold go before putting on the Gory Special. Again Eddie lets go of the hold and kicks Chavo in the face to set up a camel clutch. The fans chant for Goldberg so Eddie lets go of the hold to act as a conductor. There’s an over the shoulder backbreaker but Eddie spins him around and drops Chavo down to the mat for no cover.

Chavo blocks a slam and LAUNCHES Eddie over the top in a backdrop. A big running dive completely misses Eddie as Chavo jumps too high but it looked great. Now the fans want Flair because a good match with a good story isn’t good enough for them anymore. Back in and a bulldog gets two for the nephew but he takes WAY too long setting up a frog splash, allowing Eddie to shake the ropes to bring him down. Eddie’s frog splash misses though but he still blocks a tornado DDT. Chavo is sent to the floor so he springboards back in for a tornado DDT and the stunning upset pin.

Rating: B. I can’t believe I’m saying this but this has been an AWESOME show so far with good match after good match. This was the perfect blowoff to the story with Chavo showing he was learning the entire time, but not in the way Eddie was hoping for. He’s gone from a generic cruiserweight to an interesting character who just pinned a former US Champion clean. Good stuff here, as has been the case all night.

We get the Piper vs. Savage confrontation from Nitro to remind us that the last hour and forty five minutes of awesome are going to be brought down into the abyss very soon. Given that there are five matches left and about an hour to go, things are about to get very screwy in a hurry.

TV Title: Booker T vs. Fit Finlay

Booker doesn’t have any elbow pads or gloves on here which is a weird look for him. There’s an undefined extended time limit over the usual ten minutes here. Booker sends him into the buckle to start followed by an awkward looking clothesline. A kick to the face gets two for Booker but he misses an enziguri, allowing Finlay to hook a leg lock. Back up and Finlay forearms his way out of a headlock, only to have Booker come back with a flying forearm for two.

Some chops put Finlay on the floor but he comes back in to block an ax kick and go after the leg again. There’s a half crab followed by a regular crank on the leg to keep Booker in trouble. Finlay slams the knee onto the apron and wraps it around the ropes for good measure. Booker comes back with the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two, only to have the champion come back with another leg crank. He wraps Booker’s knee around his neck ala the Brock Lock before going off to a kind of half Liontamer.

Booker rolls away and just pounds Fit in the head with right hands, only to have Finlay come right back with a shin breaker and another leg hold. They head outside again where the referee has to stop Finlay from getting a chair. The knee is wrapped around the post and Finlay hits a Vader Bomb for no cover. Instead he yells at the crowd and kicks Booker’s knee even more but stops to yell at the fans.

Booker comes back with a spinwheel kick and a powerslam before hitting the ax kick. He spins up so Finlay clotheslines him inside out. The tombstone from Finlay is countered into an AWFUL looking sequence where Booker was supposed to backflip into a tombstone of his own, but instead he fell down and got covered for two. Back up and Finlay misses a charge into the “post”, allowing Booker to hit a kneeling piledriver (Finlay was facing forward but Booker dropped to his knees like a tombstone) for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. And there goes the really good match streak. The match wasn’t horrible but you can only watch Finlay lay on Booker’s leg and pull on the ankle so many times in thirteen minutes. The ending was HORRIBLE too with the sequence being botched and the ending coming out of nowhere. Also Booker not selling the knee at all after coming in with a bad knee and having Finlay work on it for ten minutes was inexcusable. I think everyone knew Booker would win here after taking the series, which made him look like a star.

US Title: Konnan vs. Goldberg

Hennig and Rude are with Goldberg’s dinner tonight. Goldberg is now from Parts Unknown instead of Atlanta. To say the place has gone nuts is an understatement. Konnan is easily shoved to the floor and wants to know what that was. Back in and Goldberg grabs a headlock followed by a botched roll thru into a legbar. Konnan grabs a rope and gets two feet up in the corner to stop a charge. Not that it matters as the spear and Jackhammer make Goldberg 100-0.

Post match Hennig and Rude turn on Goldberg and join the Black and White. That’s the best move as neither of the fit with the Wolfpack at all. Luger and Nash come out for the save.

I’m going to pause for a minute here and recommend that you go do something else. So far this has been an excellent show with logical booking, good matches and hard work from almost everyone involved. No more good can come from the remaining parts of this show. You would be better off being stuffed inside a bag and beaten with large wooden clubs. I might recommend going to a blind dentist with Parkinson’s Disease for a root canal. Or better yet just go watch the first two hours of this show again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you keep going.

Roddy Piper/Randy Savage vs. Hollywood Hogan/Bret Hart

This is the real main event though we’ve been promised Savage vs. Piper post match as a “bonus”. Savage is Wolfpack, Hogan is Black and White, Hart is technically NWO but never made it official and Piper is one of the last heroes remaining in WCW. He might be the only one in the main event picture actually. Sign in the crowd: Savage/Piper vs. Hart/Hogan: WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK!

To the shock of no one, it’s a stall fest to start. It’s Hogan vs. Piper to get us going but Roddy spits at Bret. Hogan backs into the corner so Piper calls time out before jumping him for our first contact about two minutes in. Hogan gets poked in the eyes and has his bandana taken off to reveal a bald head. Off to Savage who rams Hogan face first into the buckle before it’s back to Piper for some biting and right hands.

Disciple hits Piper in the back with the world title to give Hogan control. Yeah remember the guy that has been beaten up like he’s in a Three Stooges short is world champion. Bret gets the tag and hits a few forearms before bringing Hogan back in for right hands. Piper staggers around and won’t go down so Bret cheats a bit to get him on the mat. Bret comes back in for a Russian legsweep and the middle rope elbow for two.

Hogan chokes Piper from the apron but Piper comes back with one of the worst small packages ever. He flails his arms and tags Savage which doesn’t count for no apparent reason so Hart puts on a front facelock. Piper makes another tag which doesn’t count due to Patrick not seeing it, allowing for another double team. Savage comes over with a chair and puts it on Piper’s chest so Bret’s headbutt hits steel.

The hot tag brings in Savage and the pop from the fans pales in comparison to pretty much any given pop of the night so far. Hart and Hogan stop Savage pretty easily, only to have Hogan deck Hart by mistake. Everything breaks down and Savage goes up for the elbow, only to have his knee give out. Hogan and Piper head outside where Hogan wraps Savage’s leg around the post. The Sharpshooter goes on and Savage is done.

Rating: F. I would pay big money to be in the production meetings to hear Hogan and Bischoff explain why Hollywood should be pushed so hard. These matches aren’t even acceptable or decent. They’re absolutely horrid with no redeeming value whatsoever and making the entire promotion look like a joke. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Hogan is coming off like the Honky Tonk Man. He wrestles glorified comedy matches, gets destroyed for good chunks of them and then survives through some sort of shenanigan. I knew these matches were bad but I didn’t realize how horrible they really were.

Since that wasn’t enough though, IT’S A RODDY PIPER DOUBLE FEATURE!

Roddy Piper vs. Randy Savage

Bret still has Savage in the Sharpshooter when the bell rings so Randy is pretty much done already. Wait or was that the closing bell for the opening match? Gene comes in to talk to Piper but he helps Savage up instead, only to have Macho punch Piper. Savage chokes him down and actually hits the elbow but Piper, superhuman that he is, gets to kick out at two. The referee gets punched out so Piper hits Savage low and pokes him in the eyes. A figure four makes Savage quit for the second time in five minutes with his finisher only getting two in between. That’ll teach him for getting cheered.

Tag Titles: Sting vs. Giant

So if you haven’t been following the Nitro and Thunder reviews leading up to this, you’re a schnook. Go read them now. Anyway, Sting and Giant won the belts when Giant joined the Black and White. Sting turned down an offer to do the same and is in the Red and Black, but the titles were held up because Giant tried to replace him with Brian Adams, leading to this match. The winner gets to pick his new partner to be the tag champions.

Giant smokes a cigarette on the way to the ring to get the fans to boo him. He blows smoke in Sting’s face in the corner but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Sting to fire off kicks to the ribs. The Stinger Splash lands on a boot though and Giant sends him to the floor. Back in and Sting’s cross body just bounces off of Giant so he lifts Sting up into a gorilla press, LAUNCHING him face first into the buckle. That looked awesome.

We hit the bearhug for a good while as we’re almost out of PPV time. Sting bites his way out of the hold and dropkicks the knee out. A Stinger Splash to the back and one to the front have Giant in trouble and there’s a slam for good measure. The Deathlock goes on but Giant easily powers out of it. Instead a Death Drop gets two and Sting blocks a chokeslam. Another Death Drop gets another two but a Death Drop from the middle rope is enough for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t a masterpiece but this was better than most recent Nitro main events. This felt like a dark match to send the fans home happy and there’s really nothing wrong with that. It ends the stupid titles in two camps story and lets Sting pick a partner later on. In a word, this was acceptable.

Overall Rating: B. If you cut out the tag match and put in ANYTHING else, this is one of the best PPVs WCW ever put on. Everything ranges between very solid to acceptable at worst and most of the booking makes perfect sense. That tag match really hurts it though because it’s just so horrid.

If I were booking this show, I would have thought about putting Goldberg on last. It’s a B-level show and the last match was just less than seven minutes long and for the tag belts. Make Goldberg vs. Konnan a five minute match for the US Title and do the Hennig/Rude turn the next night on Nitro. On top of that it was to make him 100-0. That would send them home happy. Shockingly good show here though, embarrassing real main event aside.

 

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