Speaking of people from Seattle named after a basic tool, I give you Greg “The Hammer” Valentine.

Valentine is the son of wrestler Johnny Valentine and wrestled in the indies for most of the 1970s. After a nice run with Ric Flair before Flair started going after the World Title, Valentine would head to the WWF in 1979. One of his biggest feuds was with Chief Jay Strongbow, whose leg Valentine broke early in the year. Here’s a rematch from Philadelphia on July 21, 1979.

Greg Valentine vs. Chief Jay Strongbow

Valentine jumps Jay as he gets in the ring but Strongbow is quickly on the warpath and taking over. A bunch of chops get two on Valentine and some shots with a foreign object bust him open. Strongbow goes outside and chokes with a camera cord before hitting him in the head with a stool. Somehow this isn’t a DQ and Valentine is able to get to the floor for a breather. Back in and Greg goes after the leg but has to stop another warpath. The third warpath is knocked to the floor but Valentine is pulled to the floor.

An editing move sends us to a crowd shot during the beatdown before they both head back inside. Some knees to the face put Valentine down and Jay pulls him back inside when Greg tries to escape. He finally makes it to the floor before heading right back into the ring where Jay shrugs off some right hands. They ram heads with both guys rolling to the floor. Only Valentine slides back in for a countout win.

Rating: D. It was a good attempt at revenge by Strongbow but the match felt all over the place. The leg work by Greg made sense but they felt like they were trying about four different finishes before the really fast countout. It’s not the worst match in the world but this needed a better structure.

Valentine was a big deal in the company and would get a WWF Title shot on October 19, 1981 in MSG.

Bob Backlund vs. Greg Valentine

The Grand Wizard has yet another new client in Greg Valentine. Backlund has Arnold Skaaland with him, who has managed both Sammartino as well as the current champion. This is a regular one on one match rather than the death matches we’ve been looking at. It’s a feeling out process to start with Valentine hooking a quick armdrag for not much effect. A slam puts Backlund down again and Bob isn’t sure what to do. Backlund comes back with an armdrag and hip toss of his own to stagger Valentine and Greg wants a breather.

Greg comes back with some right hands to the ribs in the corner but it results in a standoff instead of an advantage. A quick shoulder to the ribs of Valentine staggers him a bit so they try a test of strength. Valentine fires off some shots to the ribs to take over before going to work on the champion’s knee. There’s a half crab from Valentine and Backlund is in some trouble. Backlund fights up and escapes the hold via a monkey flip but Greg gets in a shot to the back of the head to take over again.

The challenger goes back to the leg by cranking on the ankle before shifting over to the ribs via an abdominal stretch. Bob reverses into one of his own but Valentine goes back to the knee to take control once again. Valentine cranks on a leg lock before dropping some elbows on the bad leg. A spinning toe hold works on the leg even more but Bob kicks him away. They trade forearms to the face but both guys collapse down to the mat.

Backlund is up first but a slam attempt fails, giving Valentine a two count. Greg hits him in the knee again but still can’t put on the Figure Four Leg Lock. Instead Valentine kicks him to the floor before pounding away at Backlund on the ring apron. Back in again and Bob is getting fired up as the blows from Greg are having less effect each time. The champion starts hammering away on Valentine’s leg now, wrapping it up in the ropes and kicking at the inner thigh.

Bob knocks him down again but can only get two. A suplex gets the same for Valentine but Backlund comes back with one of his own for a delayed two count. A cross body gets two for the champion but Valentine chokes him down with the ring rope. Greg goes for the leg again and hooks the Figure Four but it’s not on that well. Backlund is easily able to roll into the ropes to break the hold but some damage has been done. Bob comes back with a piledriver out of nowhere and Valentine is in trouble.

Greg gets into the ropes to avoid being covered before going back to the knee. Backlund fights out of another Figure Four attempt but can’t avoid the shots to the knee in the corner. A middle rope elbow drop misses Backlund though and the champion has an opening. They trade headbutts from their knees before Backlund hooks a belly to back suplex to put both guys down again. Valentine gets back up and puts Backlund in an airplane spin during which the referee is accidentally kicked in the head by the champion. Greg is dizzy from spinning Backlund around though and Bob falls on top of him for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was another good match as Backlund is starting to find his rhythm as champion a mere four years into his title reign. The idea here of Valentine trying to get the Figure Four time after time but never being able to hook it properly was a good story throughout the match but the fact that it didn’t play into the finish hurt things a bit. The finish however is the most important part of the match for reasons yet to be explained.

After the match is over, the confused referee hands Valentine the championship due to being confused by the kick to the head. There was no question about who was pinned but Greg leaves with the title anyway. An official announcement is made that the title is being held up and there is no champion. Valentine wasn’t the official champion and Backlund would be recognized as the champion in cities other than New York. This was an old tactic to build interest in a rematch in this city only, meaning that this doesn’t interrupt Backlund’s title reign. Bob would win a rematch in a little over a month.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to probably the most famous match of Valentine’s career. Greg is back in the NWA and the US Champion. He’s recently busted Roddy Piper’s ear and is facing him in the second biggest match at the first Starrcade in 1983.

Roddy Piper vs. Greg Valentine

Greg is US Champion but this is non-title because it’s a dog collar match. The idea is they both have collars around their neck and there’s a chain attaching the two collars, meaning neither guy can run away. Anything goes and you can win by pinfall. This match came about because Valentine injured Piper’s ear in the match where he won the title. They immediately start by pulling on the chain with their necks in a painful looking tug of war. Neither guy can get an advantage so they both start pulling on the chain to get closer to each other.

Piper gets in the first shot with the chain and Valentine is mad. They back up again but Valentine misses some swings and Piper gets back to the corner. Both guys come to the center of the ring for a slugout but no one can take over. Roddy gets in some shots with the chain and Valentine is in trouble. Greg goes for the bad ear and start choking away with the chain but also wrapping the chain around Piper’s face for extra torture.

Piper comes back with some shots to the eyes of his own before choking away in the middle of the ring. Valentine is sent into the corner and Piper keeps pounding away on the head. Piper takes it to the floor for some HARD shots with the chain as they head into the barricade. Greg gets in some shots to the bad ear and Piper is bleeding from the side of his head.

Back in and Valentine pounds away but Piper blocks a suplex. A hard elbow gets two for Valentine but Piper is in big trouble. Greg tries to hit the ropes but Piper pulls the chain to bring him down. Piper goes NUTS on Valentine and pounds away on him, busting the champion open in the process. Valentine goes right back to the ear but Piper comes back with some straight left hands to the jaw. A BIG right hand drops Valentine but Greg goes after the ear again to take over. Greg gets two off a knee drop as both guys are tiring.

A chain shot to Piper’s ear gets two but Roddy comes back with a suplex to put both guys down. Greg grabs a quick sleeper but Piper’s arm only drops once. Roddy wraps the chain around his hand but the hold slows him down again. A jawbreaker gets Piper out of the hold but it’s Valentine going up first. Roddy pulls him off the ropes and beats the tar out of him with the chain before tying the legs up to pin Valentine. Solie says that was for the title but corrects himself a few seconds later.

Rating: B+. This is a very hard hitting brawl but it can be a bit slow at times. This is the match that made people realize how insane Piper could be as he went out there and took an insane beating before coming back time after time and trying to hurt Valentine. He would jump to the WWF soon after and become the top villain in the world, which is what he deserved to be.

It was soon back to the WWF and Valentine was near the top again, including a World Title shot at Brawl to End It All.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine was a much bigger deal back in this era, even “being awarded” the WWF Title once in a big mess that was a pretty decent story. Anyway let’s get to this. We get promos from both guys. Valentine says Hogan is going to feel his wrath. There’s a reason he rarely talked. Albano is his manager. This guy was BUSY back then.

Hogan had only been champion about 6 months at this point so his title reign wasn’t really huge yet. Eye of the Tiger for his music at this point along with the white tights. Sweet GOODNESS Hogan is over. The song fits perfectly here, almost better than Real American. What was up with the five bell strikes after everything Fink said? Hammer jumps Hogan and we’re on.

Oh come on it’s 1984 like that’s going to work at all. This is Hogan back when he was in his 20s so he’s moving incredibly well. Scratch that actually as he’s 31 here. It’s so weird to think that his big break didn’t come until he was that old. It just comes off as strange in today’s era of people being world champion by their mid 20s.

Valentine reverses a headlock into a suplex to take some control. Hogan takes back over a bit later with just pure power. He even throws in a shoulderbreaker to mess with our heads a bit. We hit the floor and it’s all Hogan. Valentine jumps him as he gets back in and Gene says it’s because Valentine is a capitalist. Ok then.

A chinlock has our hero in trouble. Hogan does the always funny finger shake of no before the comeback. He throws some left hands which are weird to see from him. Valentine gets some chair shots to the knee and the referee is ok with it I guess. Figure four is blocked twice so Valentine just punches him. Rather than Hulking Up Hogan just hits Valentine as he’s coming off the top and drops the leg to retain. It was a different time I guess.

Rating: C+. Nothing that special here as it’s really just a standard Hogan title defense. It’s not bad or anything but it’s just Hogan out there doing his thing and not really looking like he’s in that much trouble. Still though he was moving very well out there and had the place rocking so I’ll give him something for that. Decent match and fine for a basic title defense.

Time for Greg’s most famous feud against Tito Santana. Greg would challenge Tito for the Intercontinental Title in MSG on October 22, 1984.

Intercontinental Title: Greg Valentine vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. Since when did Valentine have Lou Albano with him? Valentine took the title from Santana and injured Tito’s knee, putting him out of action, making tonight about revenge. Santana goes right after Valentine from the opening bell and knocks the belt out of Greg’s hands. Valentine goes face first into the mat as it’s all Tito so far. The fans are finally awake for this

Greg comes back with right hands but Tito wins the slugout and sends the champion to the floor. Tito is fine with beating up Valentine on the floor and brings him back inside to ram the champ’s head into the mat. Valentine finally gets a breather after raking the eyes and a knee sends Tito to the floor. Albano gets in a cheap shot of his own but Tito pulls Valentine to the floor to keep up the brawl. Valentine grabs a chair and THROWS IT at Tito but only hits the apron. They head back inside with the chair and Tito cracks Valentine in the head, busting him open. Somehow that isn’t a DQ but Tito throws the referee down for the bell.

Rating: C+. This was short but VERY intense throughout. Tito knew how to work a crowd into a frenzy and the New York crowds ate him up with a spoon. This was one of those feuds that was going to work no matter what they did and this was no exception. Also it woke the crowd up which was what this show needed more than anything.

Greg would get the title a month later and defend it at Wrestlemania I.

Intercontinental Title: Junkyard Dog vs. Greg Valentine

Dog cranks on the arm to start and punches him in the shoulder ala Marciano. A punch to the face takes Valentine down and a headbutt sends the champion (Greg in case you’re not familiar with this era) to the floor. Valentine tries his luck at the arm now and pounds away with some forearms to the back of the head. I’m not sure if that should hurt the Dog or not.

The champion goes after the leg now with what looks to be the start of a half crab but he never turns Dog over. A kind of DDT on the leg has the Dog in trouble again and there’s a headbutt between the legs. Dog breaks up the Figure Four and hits a headbutt to stagger the champ some more. Jimmy Hart tries to interfere but Dog causes Valentine to blast him in the head instead. Valentine grabs a fast rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m getting tired of using that rating but this is what the matches keep coming out as: not terrible but nothing good at all. Valentine would get back to his current feud with Tito Santana very soon with the title changing hands pretty soon if I remember properly. Dog was there as more of a fun character than a serious threat so this was fine.

Speaking of Santana, here he is to tell the referee what happened. The referee restarts the match but Valentine walks out for the countout without ever getting back in. That’s just building Santana vs. Valentine for later.

And here is one of those laters, from July 6, 1985 in Baltimore.

Intercontinental Title: Greg Valentine vs. Tito Santana

In Baltimore here and in a cage. Tito drags him into the cage and it’s on. No commentary again with Gorilla doing the voiceover. Valentine goes for the door early but Tito makes the save. This should be good either way. Both try to get out and can’t do it as the other grabs his foot. Valentine keeps trying to run which makes sense. I’m not entirely sure if I get why Tito keeps trying to run as this is supposed to be his big revenge match. I guess getting the title back is enough revenge for him.

Shoulder breaker by Valentine but you would think he would go after the leg but whatever. Escape only here if I didn’t mention that. I like the old school thoughts on cage matches like that too as pins in a cage match are kind of stupid when you think about it. Tito blocks the Figure Four as the violence is a bit low here. Gorilla points out that the figure four is a bit stupid as you can’t win by submission which makes sense to a degree I guess.

Flying forearm by Tito takes Greg down. Tito goes into the cage as this is very much back and forth. Very slow paced match but they’re hammering away in there and it’s working well I think. It’s very weird to see the match presented like this as the ring is only kind of microphoned here so you don’t here the ring make any noise at all.

This is more about the cage itself as this is back in the day when a gimmick match still meant something and wasn’t more or less something you throw in as a free prize in a cereal box. Tito gets a leg over the top but still can’t get out. Make that both legs out as Valentine is going for the door which Tito kicks on his head to get out and get the title back.

Rating: B-. This was more about the aura of the cage rather than the guys in there. Tito gets the title back and gets his revenge by beating on Valentine very well. This wasn’t a classic or anything but it was definitely a good conclusion to their feud which was always good. This worked.

Valentine would soon move into a tag team along with Brutus Beefcake. After winning the Tag Team Titles from the US Express, they would lose them to the British Bulldogs at Wrestlemania II. This led to some singles matches between the teams, including this on April 22, 1986.

Davey Boy Smith vs. Greg Valentine

This is about a month after Mania. Valentine gets a quick rollup for two. We’re talking about Clint Eastwood for no apparent reason. After a quick bit on the floor Hammer takes over in the corner. Davey just shoves him to the mat for two. Armbar for Davey and Valentine is in some trouble. And never mind as Valentine reverses and gets caught by a dropkick to send him down again. Never mind the never mind.

Sharpshooter (obviously not called that) by Smith as this has been completely one sided so far. Valentine is able to make the rope so we get some stretching as Davey uses his arms and legs to spread Valentine’s legs open as wide as he can. Better positioning I guess. Valentine hits the apron to run but gets suplexed back in for two. Valentine finally gets a shot in and we clip to him being in solid control.

Elbow drop gets two and we go to a chinlock now. Davey fights back with some shoulders in the corner and the powerslam for two. Wow that move was kicked out of a lot. We head to the floor where Hammer runs but slides in and catches Davey as he comes back in. So simple yet so effective. Figure Four goes on but there’s the rope so that didn’t last long. Another attempt is sent into the corner but Valentine climbs the ropes and comes off with a forearm to get the surprising pin. That was out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Eh just ok here. Not a bad match or anything but the ending really surprised me. They did their thing out there and it worked well enough. Valentine winning was very surprising and I’m not sure why this was included. Also a weird ending with Valentine just hitting him in the head and winning it. Not bad though.

Here’s a quick match from Superstars on February 21, 1987.

Dream Team vs. Paul Roma/Frankie Rose

So we have Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake vs. a jobber and a future Horsemen. Dino Bravo is with the heels here and still has dark hair. That’s just odd to see. The Rougeaus are ready for their match at Mania. Is this an upgrade over the Lombardi feud for Roma? They talk about the midget match. In other words, they’re still not talking about the match that’s going on. Rose taps to the figure four.

Rating: C. It was short but it worked fine I guess. It was kind of long so it qualifies for a grade. Nothing great here but that’s fine for a show like this. There really isn’t much else to say about something like this, but it’s always strange to see someone like Roma who would one day become a st…..a sta……I can’t say it.

Greg would be in the WWF World Title tournament at Wrestlemania IV.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Greg Valentine vs. Ricky Steamboat

Should be good. Steamboat brings the future Richie Steamboat to the ring with him in matching outfits. Feeling out process to start with Steamboat taking him down via an armdrag. Gorilla says Ricky has excellence of execution to coin a phrase. A few shoulders get two on Valentine so he throws Steamboat over the top. That of course doesn’t work on the Dragon so he comes back with a dropkick and a crucifix for two.

Valentine comes back with his usual elbows and forearms to put Steamboat down. He pulls Steamboat off the ropes so Ricky drops onto the back of his head. This allows Gorilla to bust out the term “external occipital protuberance”, to which Jesse replies “THE WHAT?” The voice Ventura says that in is hilarious. Apparently it’s that little bump on the back of your head. Steamboat reverses a suplex into one of his own and hooks an armbar. Jimmy Hart goes a rant of instructions to the Hammer which is such a lost art in wrestling.

Steamboat gets dropped on the back of his head, allowing for another discussion of whatever that thing is called. Gorilla: “External occipital protuberance.” Jesse: “Oh ok. Back of the head for all you normal people back there.” Valentine pounds away with elbows as Gorilla says they’re “right in the kisser, right between the eyes.” His biology knowledge is all over the place. Donald Trump is in the front row. Steamboat comes back with some chops for two but Greg puts him right back down with a gutbuster.

Valentine goes after the leg but the Figure Four is broken up. They chop it out with Steamboat taking over, only to charge into a boot in the corner. Valentine hits a top rope forearm but still can’t put the Figure Four on. Steamboat hits an elbow to the face and a top rope chop for two. He rams Valentine into the corner ten times and shoves the referee away when he tries to break it up. Ricky goes up and hits the cross body but Valentine rolls through to eliminate Steamboat.

Rating: C+. Like I said, decent stuff here although Steamboat would be gone pretty much immediately over wanting to take some time off. Vince said no so Ricky left wrestling for about nine months. Anyway, good stuff here from two guys that know how to work whatever kind of a match you ask them to. Valentine was great in a role like this where he wasn’t going to win anything but he could fill in a spot and do just fine.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to a random tag match from June 27, 1989.

The Rockers vs. Dino Bravo/Greg Valentine

Bravo and Valentine used to be the New Dream Team if you’re unfamiliar and I’m stunned that they’re still around at this point. They’ve been new for about two years at this point so I wonder if they’re old yet. This is at a Superstars taping in some unspecified city. Bravo vs. Jannetty to start us off here. The announcers try to imply that Valentine is a power guy which is a bit odd but kind of true at the same time.

A lot of dropkicks clear out the ring and the heels hug. That must have been a Jimmy Hart thing for some reason. Off to Valentine and Shawn now as it appears to be Shawn that is selling like a madman this time. The Rockers work over Valentine’s right arm which is very different to see. They’re wrestling like heels here but with face personalities if that makes sense.

Heel double teaming (by the actual heels that is) takes over and Marty is playing Marty. Bravo spits on Shawn for some more double teaming to take place. Off to Valentine and the back work continues. In a nice spot Marty nips up and runs into Valentine’s shoulder block to send him right back down again.

Totally classic heat segment with Marty tagging Shawn but the referee doesn’t see it. I love that spot. Bravo misses an elbow and it’s time for the tag off to Shawn. Where have I seen this before? Marty gets a sweet springboard off the bottom rope to launch himself past Bravo to make the tag. I’ve never seen that before.

Shawn cleans some house until we get a double dropkick to Bravo followed by the double flying punch. Why mess with something as simple as a punch to the head I suppose? Why has no one else ever used a move like that? Another near fall for both teams sets up an O’Connor Roll by Jannetty. Shawn comes in to stop Valentine but the referee stops Shawn, allowing Valentine to blast Jannetty and put Bravo on top for the upset win. Wow indeed.

Rating: C-. This got a lot of time at about 12 minutes. It’s not horrible or anything but it’s got nothing on the previous match which was almost exactly the same formula with a slightly different ending. Not a terrible match really but the ending is really weird as why in the world would you have these two go over the Rockers? Bravo and Valentine sound like tag team jobbers, not a team getting a relatively clean pin.

In the words of Saliva, “Hold tight cause the show is not over!” Here’s referee Ronnie Garvin (I wish the show had been over) to tell Hebner what happened and despite not doing anything that the referee saw, the Rockers win by….well apparently by decision. Keep in mind that neither Rocker pinned either other guy. Oh well I guess.

Valentine and Garvin would feud for awhile and have their blowoff match at Royal Rumble 1990.

Greg Valentine vs. Ronnie Garvin

This is a submission match as they both use submissions for a finisher. See? Not that complicated. Now the interesting thing here is that both guys have shin guards (Garvin even has his named: the Hammer Jammer) which blocks the pain of a Figure Four. They slug it out to start with Valentine being rammed into the buckles repeatedly. Greg comes back with chops and they slug it out in the middle of the ring.

It turns into a boxing match until Valentine goes after the leg. That gets him a thumb in the eye and they slug it out some more with both guys going down via a Garvin headbutt. Ronnie tries a sunset flip for reasons of stupidity and Valentine tries a cover of his own. Both guys go down again as this match is already running too long. Garvin rolls him up again to REALLY make it clear that it’s a submission match. See, wrestling fans are stupid and can’t understand the basic explanation of the rules.

Valentine adjusts his own shin guard (the Heartbreaker) and puts Garvin in the Figure Four. Ronnie’s guard blocks the pain, so Garvin makes funny faces at Valentine. Since that doesn’t work, Valentine puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker, much to Jesse’s delight (his old hold). Garvin pounds away in the corner and puts on an Indian Deathlock which has an effect on Greg but Valentine finally makes a rope.

They slug it out for the fifth time, although this one is at least on the floor. Valentine backdrops out of a piledriver on the concrete and we head back inside. Garvin misses a dropkick in the corner and gets caught in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere so they collide again and both guys go down. Hart steals Garvin’s shin guard and there’s the Figure Four. After a rope is grabbed, Garvin can’t even stand up.

Valentine goes up and Garvin slams him down from one leg. He takes off Valentine’s shin guard and tries a rollup because Ronnie is STUPID. Valentine gets tied up in the ropes so Garvin beats up Hart for fun. A shin guard shot to the head knocks out Valentine and the Sharpshooter (called a reverse Figure Four) makes Valentine give up.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here and it was even good at times, but MAN it was long, running nearly seventeen minutes. On top of that, the stupid pin thing went WAY too long into the match. This is probably the best Garvin match I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t really mean much as he absolutely sucks most of the time.

Greg would really start falling down the ranks soon after this and wind up opening house shows, like this one at MSG on December 29, 1991.

Hercules vs. Greg Valentine

Yep it’s clipped as two matches are cut off here. Actually based on what I’ve seen later that’s not the case as everything is here but the show is edited from an order perspective. This was originally the third match on the card. Heenan says this is going to be a heck of a match. Hercules is on the very brink of leaving and Valentine is a face for no apparent reason. He had a face push around this time and it BOMBED to the shock of no one.

And now let’s talk about the Rumble because that’s about as interesting as it’s going to get as far as this match goes. With Hammer taking over, we hear something I have never heard before: Hogan and Taker get to draw from #21-#30 in the Rumble. What the heck? I know they had the title before but how have I never heard of that before? This match is really rather boring indeed.

Hercules has a little gut there and gets a low blow to take over. What does he think this is, the late 90s? We talk about the Rumble more which has Gorilla predicting Santana or Bulldog. Smith I could understand, but dude, TITO SANTANA? I love the guy but come on now. We argue Hogan vs. Flair a bit as Hercules is dominating.

We hit the floor for a bit with Hammer’s back being rammed into the apron. Hercules is a very ugly man indeed. This is when he has the long hair going for him which isn’t a good look on him. We hit the bearhug to continue this boring mess. Hammer fights back and it turns into a comedy of errors as neither guy can hit a move for like 30 seconds which is funnier than it sounds.

It’s the dreaded double clothesline as both guys are down and in trouble. The fans are in trouble too as this match is in desperate need of ending. And there’s the ending as we go old school with Valentine getting a belly to back suplex and bridging but Herc gets his shoulder up. Does this guy know ANY other finish to a match?

Rating: D. Boring match for the most part that didn’t get the crowd going in the slightest. I’ve seen worse, but this was a rather dull and uninteresting match for the most part. Both guys meant nothing by this point and everyone knew it. I really don’t get why this opened things up and I don’t think anyone else did either.

It would be back to WCW after this where Valentine was the old veteran. Here’s one of his matches from Beach Blast 1992.

Greg Valentine vs. Marcus Bagwell

Seriously, WHO thought this was a good idea? I want them shot. And we’re five minutes in and no one cares at all. This just isn’t interesting in the slightest to the shock of no one with any intelligence. Crowd is DEAD by the way. The wrestling is ok I guess but seriously, it’s Greg Valentine vs. Marcus Bagwell on PPV. This goes on forever it seems although it’s only about seven minutes again. To my complete and utter shock, Valentine gets the clean submission. Yes, they took Greg Valentine and put him over the rookie of the year. I can’t believe this company ever made a dime.

Rating: D-. This is mainly for just making my head hurt. Seriously, who in the world thought this was a good idea??? After a good opener we have two matches that are just wastes of time. At least Simmons won which makes sense. This is just stupid though and I apologize for how badly written it was.

Later in the year Valentine would be a bit better and be on Clash of the Champions XX.

Dick Slater/Greg Valentine vs. Bobby Eaton/Arn Anderson

This is an odd match as everyone is a heel. Slater and Valentine have Larry Zbyszko (with a broken arm) in their corner. Arn and Valentine get things going but everything quickly breaks down with Anderson and Eaton being sent to the floor. Back in and Slater gets in a cheap shot from the apron to take Arn down and things start to break down again. Bobby gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker from Slater followed by a Russian legsweep for two.

Back to Anderson for a spinning arm lock on Dick but it’s quickly back to Valentine. Anderson and Eaton take him into the corner but Greg fights out with some chops. Valentine takes him into the corner with Arn being put down on the mat for a stomping. Eaton comes around the ring and jacks Slater’s jaw before breaking up Valentine’s Figure Four. Anderson scores with the spinebuster for two as everything breaks down again. Zbyszko accidentally hits Valentine with the cast, allowing Eaton to drop a middle rope Alabama Jam for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but it’s some incredibly strange booking. The fans didn’t have anyone to cheer for in the match and the whole thing was kind of bizarre as a result. It’s not a terrible match but it’s a good explanation for why heels and faces need to be balanced out.

Valentine would be brought back as another veteran in 1996 for a few appearances, including this one on Nitro, September 23, 1996.

Greg Valentine vs. Randy Savage

Eric says there’s a new NWO member tonight. I can’t think of who that would be as the next member wasn’t until October and it was nothing of note unless I’m totally overlooking someone. Valentine jumps him and that doesn’t work all that well. They go to the floor with Valentine having his token control period. We hear that Super Calo has injured his elbow in a dark match so he’s out for awhile. Savage clocks Valentine with a chair twice and that’s a DQ.

Valentine would be brought back in for a cameo match against the new legend killer, Rob Conway, on Sunday Night Heat from October 21, 2005.

Greg Valentine vs. Rob Conway

Thankfully Valentine has the big robe here. Unfortunately he’s not in great shape and Conway starts wrestling in sunglasses. Greg shrugs off some right hands and chops away in the corner before throwing Conway outside. The brawl heads outside and Valentine is quickly posted before Conway pounds on Greg. Hammer avoids a dropkick though and drops some elbows but the Figure Four is easily countered. Rob hammers away but Eugene comes in to save his friend, drawing a DQ.

Rating: D+. Considering he was 57 and had been mostly retired for years, this wasn’t half bad. Conway’s gimmick was mostly limited to Heat until a bunch of legends got together and beat him up so it’s hard to complain about something like this. No it wasn’t a great match, but all things considered I’ve seen far worse.

Valentine thankfully uses common sense and shoves Eugene down for costing him a win.

Overall Greg Valentine was a great hand and that’s a great thing to be. He was very tough and could have good matches with almost anyone. His series with Santana in 1984/1985 is arguably the best feud ever over the Intercontinental Title and still holds up very well to this day. The Piper collar match is excellent as well. Check Valentine out if you want to see a skilled old school worker.

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Today is the man of a million gimmicks, but his most famous is Brutus Beefcake.

 

Beefcake was trained by Hulk Hogan and brought in as part of a tag team with Hulk known as the Boulder Brothers. Here’s one of Ed Boulder’s matches in Memphis from some point in 1979.

Ed Boulder/Dallas Montgomery vs. Ron Bass/Pete Austin

This is Boulder’s debut in Memphis. Bass makes fun of Ed’s long blond hair before the match gets going to give us a bit of a story here. The heels jump Ed and Dallas to get things going with Bass cutting Boulder open before the bell. The dominance is on quickly with the heels taking turns on Boulder. There isn’t much to talk about here as Boulder and Dallas have gotten in no offense so far and Bass is just mauling Ed. The match is finally stopped due to brutality.

Like most wrestlers of this era, Boulder had a cup of coffee in the AWA. Here’s a match from Super Sunday 1983.

Wahoo McDaniel vs. Dizzy Ed Boulder

Boulder is more famous as Brutus Beefcake and has long blonde hair here. He looks to be roided out of his mind also. Feeling out process to start and Wahoo chops him down hard. Jerry Lawler jumps in on commentary. Test of strength goes to Wahoo and he grabs a top wristlock. Down to the mat and Wahoo drops knees onto the arm. Boulder takes him down and drops some knees onto Wahoo. To be fair that’s a large target so it’s hard to miss.

Lawler talks about winning his match and being glad it didn’t end in a DQ. Boulder slams him down and drops another knee and then ANOTHER. He must have dropped about seven so far. Now to mix it up he chokes with the knee as well. Wahoo gets whipped into the corner and Boulder goes after the knee a bit. The announcers talk about the main event as Wahoo comes back with chops and a right hand to the ribs. Wahoo rams him into the corner a few times and goes on the warpath. A big chop sets up a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was really boring. Wahoo was a guy who got over for his character and toughness, but his in ring work never quite worked all that well. Either way, this wasn’t very interesting at all but at least it was short. Also having Lawler on commentary makes a wrestling match feel right for some reason.

Beefcake would become his most famous gimmick in the WWF, with one of his first matches coming at MSG on October 22, 1984.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Tony Garea

Brutus struts to start before shoving Tony into the corner. Tony comes back with some right hands and a headlock to slow things down one more time. Back up and a cross body gets two for Garea and it’s back to the stupid headlock. Beefcake counters into a headscissors to really crank things up before choking away. Brutus pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Tony to get in some right hands of his own. Back up again and Garea gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to get caught by a knee to the head for the pin.

Rating: D+. Garea is a good guy but Brutus wasn’t worth much at this point in his career. The match was kept short to prevent Brutus from looking weak which was a good idea, but it didn’t make it an easy sit. If it sounds like I’m rambling to fill in space here, it’s because this show has dulled my brain very badly.

Brutus would be on the first Wrestlemania card, facing the son of a legend.

David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake

Sammartino was the son of a legend and had a good way into the business as a result. He had a good look on top of that, but he had one thing holding him back: he had no talent. His “career” was really just a way to keep Bruno around for a few more years to draw in some extra crowds and that’s the only reason this match is happening. Beefcake is new at this point and is nowhere near what he would become so this is going to be pretty bad.

David’s height doesn’t help him either as he’s about 5’8 or so. They head to the mat to start and Brutus has to bail to the floor for a breather. Back in and Sammartino takes it right back to the mat with a front facelock. A legdrop to the arm has Beefcake in trouble and it’s time to talk to the managers a bit. Beefcake comes back with a headlock takeover but David grabs the legs to work them over a bit.

Off to a leg lock as we keep things very basic so far. Brutus fights up with his leg seeming fine all of a sudden. He drops some forearms to David’s back and there’s a hard whip into the corner by Beefcake. David comes back with a backdrop and they slug it out a bit. Sammartino strikes like his daddy. A suplex gets two for David but Brutus sends him to the floor. The managers get into a fight and both guys run in for a double DQ.

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s a competitive match and not completely terrible, but the problem is how low level of quality this was. Neither guy was terrible but you could tell they were trying which makes a big difference. This could have been WAY worse but it just wasn’t that good in the first place.

Here’s a match from less than a month later from Best of the WWF Volume 4. No story to it but with this matchup, you don’t really need one.

Dream Team vs. Tito Santana/Ricky Steamboat

This is in Toronto. My goodness that’s quite a face team. Ricky vs. Beefcake starts us off. The ring is quickly cleared and Ricky hits what we would call a springboard forearm to take over. Off to Tito as the camera stuff is really all over the place here. Jesse sounds like he has a sore throat. Valentine and Santana stall a lot so Brutus slams Tito and then brings in Greg.

Valentine misses an elbow and it’s back to more stalling. I can barely recognize Jesse’s voice. That’s how messed up it is. Big clothesline puts Valentine down but the Figure Four is broken up. Greg takes over and works over the arm. Off to Bruti who can’t do much more than choke at this point. This is before the Expresses established the tag team formula so things are a bit different here.

Tito grabs an armbar but his back is to the wrong corner so he can’t get anything going. Back to Beefcake in control via a headlock. In a nice sequence, Beefcake points at Steamboat to distract the referee and Valentine gets in a shot to the back of Santana. With Ricky trying to get in, Santana gets on all fours and tries to bob and weave, eventually diving through Beefcake’s legs for the HOT tag to Steamboat.

Sleeper goes on Beefcake but he pretty easily breaks it up. Valentine comes in to hammer on Ricky and an eye rake slows the Dragon down. The Dream Team (not sure if they’re named that yet or if Steamboat is the Dragon) works him over and Valentine starts loading up the Figure Four but Steamboat small packages him for two. Steamboat fights out of the corner and makes ANOTHER hot tag to Santana. The forearm gets two on Valentine and everything breaks down. Ricky is sent to the floor but he comes back off the top to take Brutus out. Santana counters an atomic drop, hooks the leg and the Figure Four ends this.

Rating: B. Great old school tag match here and more proof that you don’t need some big long back story to have a great match. These four had no history together outside of Valentine beating Santana for the IC Title and that was like 6 months prior to this. Very fun wrestling match here and we didn’t need Teddy Long to book it.

Since he’s teamed with him about a million times, here’s Beefcake against Hogan from August 17, 1985.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is from Landover, Maryland which I think is just outside of Baltimore. Hogan is in white again as the yellow wasn’t quite finalized yet. This is the Dream Team Brutus so he’s just a tag wrestler for the most part. This would be just a step ahead of Edge vs. Justin Gabriel today. Brutus struts a lot. This is from August of 85 apparently. Basically every time Hogan goes for a punch Brutus struts away so Hogan finally does the same thing for a nice reaction.

Clothesline by Hogan puts Brutus down and an atomic drop puts him on the floor. Back in and Brutus lands some forearms and Hogan goes flying. You would think he had been shot or something. Hogan rams him into the buckle and chokes away, showing off that extensive offensive repertoire. Hogan throws a headbutt for the third match on this tape with the commentators saying they’ve never seen it before. This is the earliest chronologically here so maybe they haven’t seen it at this point.

Brutus takes over again and sends Hulk to the floor. Hogan fights back with his usual stuff and bites Brutus’ head. Brutus is like boy you don’t bite the Booty Man and sends him into the railing. That gets two back in the ring. Powerslam by Beefcake gets two. There’s a bearhug which is an odd move as Brutus isn’t a very muscular guy at this point. This eats up a good minute and a half to two minutes.

Hogan fights out of it and hits a big clothesline to take Brutus down. An elbow sets up a bunch of left hands (it was 1985 so he didn’t have the routine down just yet). There’s the big boot and then a slam to set up the legdrop….for two? Oh ok Johnny V, the manager of Brutus that I may not have mentioned, distracted Hogan. A high knee from Brutus takes Johnny down and Hogan rolls up Brutus to end it.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t anything great at all. The problem at the end of the day is that Brutus meant nothing here and didn’t have any real history with Hogan. Heenan’s guys had a history against Hogan but Johnny V was a nothing manager with like one tag team to his name that meant anything. Boring match and not Hogan’s bread and butter which hurt it a lot.

Beefcake would team up with Greg Valentine as the Dream Team and win the Tag Team Titles in late 1985. Here’s a title defense from Saturday Night’s Main Event #5.

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs vs. Dream Team

The Dream Team has Beefcake and Valentine and are the champions. If you’ve seen Mania 2, you know the ending here. The Dream Team comes out to We Are the Champions. That’s very awesome. Johnny Valiant, the manager for the champions talks about how losing in a non-title match means nothing.

Smith and Valentine start us off which should be good if nothing else. They’re going fast paced which is always fun. The 80s were the glory days of tag team wrestling and this is no exception. I love this kind of stuff so don’t expect a lot of play by play here. Albano and Valiant are about to fight on the floor and the teams join them as we hit a commercial. And now the heels take over.

Valentine even goes to the middle rope so you know he’s into this one. Dynamite comes in and cranks it up. He’s like Benoit so you know he’s going to be intense out there. In a creative ending, Valentine and Kid ram heads and Valentine lands on him for the pin to retain. I like that.

Rating: B-. Not bad at all here. They went with the formula and it worked quite well and when you throw in a solid finish, what more can you ask for? Like I said, this was the best time for tag wrestling ever so this was light years ahead of the best you see today. This is real tag stuff, not four singles guys having a 2-2 match.

Here’s a rematch between those teams from Wrestlemania II, in what is arguably Beefcake’s best match ever.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine and they’re defending. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Bulldogs have Ozzy freaking Osbourne in their corner. Smith and Valentine start things off with Davey pounding away in the corner. Off to a wristlock before Dynamite comes in to send Valentine into the buckle for two. There’s the snap suplex for no cover and it’s back to Davey for the delayed vertical.

Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.

The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.

Davey misses a charges into the post though and his shoulder is hurt in a hurry. Brutus comes in to work over the arm and hits a kind of hammerlock slam. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker but pulls up before covering. In a VERY sudden ending, Dynamite gets on the top rope while still illegal and Davey rams Valentine’s head into that of Dynamite for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a great or even a very good match but after nearly two hours of lame wrestling with nothing matches, this was a great breath of fresh air. The Bulldogs would be champions for the better part of a year while the Dream Team would survive for another year before splitting at the next Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though.

The team would split up at Wrestlemania III with Beefcake turning face. Brutus would feud with Valentine for awhile afterwards, including this match from June 23, 1987.

Rougeau Brothers/Brutus Beefcake vs. Dream Team/Johnny Valiant

This is a dark match from a Superstars taping in Indianapolis. Ray vs. Dino to start us off. Dino keeps running as you would expect him to. Valentine tries to cheat by holding Ray but Ray avoids the jumping knee. The place ERUPTS on something that simple. It’s amazing how you never see that anymore. Beefcake comes in and goes for Greg’s hair, resulting in the heels congregating on the floor.

Valiant, a manager remember, hides on the floor. Beefcake gets caught in the corner and even Valiant gets in some time on offense. Beefcake grabs a sleeper on Valentine but Valiant makes the save. Both Rougeaus come in and pound on Bravo as the place loses its mind. Boston Crab by Ray is broken up by Valentine, which draws Ray into the bad corner.

Back to Greg who gets a shoulderbreaker for two. In a pretty impressive power display, Ray counters a piledriver into the position for an Alabama Slam, but instead he walks towards his corner with Valentine on his back. Greg doesn’t let him get the tag but still it was impressive. Ray is on the floor and we’re clipped to a later point of him on the floor. Bravo drops another elbow and we’re clipped to Valentine in there instead.

Back to Bravo and Dino hammers away. This is the WWE 24/7 version so the big WWF Superstars of Wrestling banner is censored. Off to Johnny V and they just kind of let Ray tag in Brutus. He and Jacques clean house and it all breaks down. The heels are all thrown together and a pair of dropkicks send the non-managers to the floor. Valiant is put in the sleeper and we’re done.

Rating: C. This was fine. You never see stuff like this in modern wrestling and that’s a shame. There’s nothing too bad here and it was just a six man tag. The fans get to be happy and the faces get a win. There’s no bigger plan here and none of the guys really seem to be all obsessed about moving up the card. All that matters here is getting a win. Why can’t we see more of that?

Beefcake would start flying up the card, receiving an Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania IV.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake

Sherri Martel is with Honky as Peggy Sue here which is a pretty amazing character change for her. This is during Honky’s insanely long run that drew a ton of money and is pretty awesome all around. Brutus hits a quick atomic drop and messes with Honky’s hair to play with his mind a bit. Honky bails to the floor as Jesse and Gorilla debate crooked referees. Back in and Beefcake rams Honky’s head into the buckle a few times as this is one sided so far.

A high knee sends the champion back to the floor but once back in, Beefcake gets caught by a shot to the stomach. Honky takes over and stomps away which is about the extent of his offense. He loads up the Shake Rattle and Roll but drops it and goes back to stomping. Honky tries it again but Brutus grabs the rope to block it. Beefcake pounds away a bit and grabs his sleeper but Jimmy knocks out the referee. Honky gets knocked but but there’s no referee so Brutus celebrates like an idiot. Brutus cuts Jimmy Hart’s hair for fun and Honky walks out. It’s a DQ I think.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as this show is just going WAY too long at this point. We’re only about two and a half hours into it and we’ve got four matches left. Brutus was just another guy in there to not get the title off Honky, which adds him to a list of about 10 guys who couldn’t do it. Honky would get his soon enough though.

We’ll jump ahead a bit more to Summerslam 1989 where Beefcake teamed up with Hulk Hogan to face Zeus and Randy Savage in the main event of the second Summerslam.

Zeus/Randy Savage vs. Brutus Beefcake/Hulk Hogan

Before we get going, Liz gets her own full entrance as the secret weapon. It’s a brawl to start but Hogan can’t hurt Zeus. He goes to the eyes but can’t slam Zeus down so the monster chokes Hulk down. Beefcake tries to dive on Zeus but gets caught in midair. Now it’s a bearhug on Hogan but here’s Savage off a tag. Why in the world would you change when you had Hogan in trouble like that? A top rope ax handle gets two for Randy and it’s off to the sleeper.

Hogan elbows out of it and hits some shoulder blocks but Zeus knees him in the back to slow him down. Back to Zeus for another bearhug which takes Hogan down to the mat for some two counts. It’s back to Savage to snap Hogan’s throat over the top rope and a suplex gets two. Savage misses some elbow drops and there’s the hot tag to Beefcake. A high knee gets two on Savage and Beefcake hooks his sleeper. Savage rams him into the middle buckle and it’s off to Zeus, but Brutus puts him in a sleeper as well.

Randy breaks up the hold with Sherri’s loaded purse but he suckers Hogan into the ring instead of covering. Hogan stops Savage from attacking Liz but Beefcake is still in big trouble. Back to Zeus for some choking on Beefcake until the referee makes the save. Savage comes back in but walks into a double clothesline to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house but Sherri trips Hulk up to give Savage control again.

The big elbow hits but Hogan is up before there’s any cover. Savage runs away and it’s time for the showdown with Zeus. Hogan pounds away and finally puts Zeus down to one knee. Liz takes out Sherri and Beefcake intercepts Savage, causing him to drop the loaded purse. Hogan blasts Zeus in the face with the purse, slams him down and drops the leg for the pin.

Rating: D+. Amazingly enough, a non-wrestler like Zeus wasn’t capable of having a good match on any size of a stage. Beefcake and Savage were just window dressing here, but in this case the window dressing carried the match for his team. Zeus was just horrible here and was basically the original promotional stunt for a wrestling movie, which never works.

Beefcake’s next feud would be against the undefeated Mr. Perfect, who attacked him at Royal Rumble 1990. This set up a showdown at Wrestlemania VI.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

This is one of the biggest matches on the card. Beefcake starts fast and punches Perfect to the floor with a single right hand. Back in and another punch sends Perfect flying over the top rope again. Brutus pounds away some more and Perfect gets to do his over the top bumping. A running clothesline puts Perfect down and Beefcake calls for the sleeper as Mary Tyler Moore of all people is here.

Perfect’s manager the Genius (the original Damien Sandow. They both even did cartwheels) slides in his metal scroll to Perfect and a shot to the head gives Mr. control. Perfect pounds away with some slow shots to the chest but the fans are staying into this. Beefcake comes back with the required slingshot into the required head first into the post bump by Perfect which is enough for the win out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. The crowd carried this one as Beefcake wasn’t a great worker but he had more charisma than he knew what to do with. Perfect was a leading candidate to face Hogan here so he was certainly a top heel. The match wasn’t great but it was more than enough to fire the crowd up again here. Granted the crowd is already white hot so no complaints here.

Post match Brutus goes to cut Perfect’s hair but Genius steals the clippers. Beefcake chases down the worthless Genius for a sleeper and a haircut. Brutus’ SWEET music is playing the whole time on top of that.

Soon after this, Beefcake’s face would be destroyed in a boating accident, putting him on the shelf for several years. He would return in early 1993 and team up with Hulk Hogan as the Mega Maniacs. Now I’m sure you’ve seen the match against Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania IX, so here’s a different match from March 8, 1993.

Beverly Brothers vs. Mega Maniacs

The Mega Maniacs would be Hogan and Beefcake. Someone thought THIS was a good idea? This would imply early 93 to me. Beefcake and one of the Beverlies start. Does it really matter? Before any contact is made Hogan comes in instead. The commentary is clearly after Mania as he’s credited as a 5 time champion but had no belt when he came in.

Pure dominance to start of course. Hogan is MUCH smaller than normal here as this was around the time of the steroids trial. Heenan explains why he hates Hogan: Hogan can get away with things that Heenan never could. That’s 100% true but of course no one but Heenan and Jesse would point such a thing out. Beefcake has a messed up face at this point but of course he’s just fine after getting it rammed into the top buckle.

Beefcake gets beaten down for a bit and I think you already can see the ending coming from a mile away. Were the Beverly Brothers supposed to have a gimmick? If they did I’ve never been able to get what it was. It’s a shame as they were very good in the AWA. Beefcake makes the I guess you could say hot tag to Hogan and you can fill in the blanks yourself. A Megaphone shot ends the match for Hogan of all things rather than the usual stuff. That was weird.

Rating: D. For a 6 minute match this was rather boring. The Beverlies were the jobbers of the tag division so it’s not like this was a shock in the slightest. The Hogan/Beefcake team would be done just after Mania as Hogan headed to retirement for about a year after King of the Ring. This was fine for what it was, but it was just bad overall. At least the people got to see Hogan though, even though he was more or less done at this point.

Hogan would leave for WCW soon after this so of course it was off to Atlanta for Beefcake as well. He would be called Brother Bruti but soon betray Hogan. Somehow Beefcake got to main event Starrcade 1994 as the Butcher, challenging Hogan for the belt.

WCW World Title: The Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan’s music stops for the big match intros then starts up again after his introduction. Commissioner Nick Bockwinkel sends Sullivan and Avalanche to the back. Hogan (the champion of course) shoves Butcher away but Butcher goes to the eyes to take over. The announcers talk about these two being longtime friends, with Heenan saying this is like watching Andy beat on Aunt Bea. They head to the floor with Butcher ramming Hogan into the barricade and choking away with a cable.

Jimmy Hart steals a chair from Butcher as Heenan cheers Butcher on. Hogan comes back and sends Butcher into the post before hitting him with a chair. Now Hogan chokes with a cord as well before we head back inside where Butcher hits a running knee to the face. A powerslam gets one for Butcher as he pulls off of Hogan. Butcher misses a middle rope elbow and Hogan comes back with right hands to the head. The champion bites Butcher’s head and pounds away in the corner as Hogan is in full control.

Butcher comes back with some throat shots before we hit the nerve hold. Hulk fights up and hits a shoulder block, only to be knocked back into the ropes. There’s Butcher’s sleeper but Hogan is almost immediately fighting up. Butcher takes him back down and lets Hogan go, but Hogan is playing possum. The challenger covers and Hogan of course shoves him off at two. As is Hogan’s custom, he fires off right hands, beats up the other invading Faces of Fear and hits the legdrop to retain the title.

Rating: F. At the end of the day, this is Hulk Hogan beating up a guy who has done absolutely nothing of note over the years but is Hogan’s good friend. In other words, this had nothing to do with the Butcher’s ability or anything like that, but rather that he was friends with Hogan. The match was horrible with Hogan never being in anything resembling danger, making this a horrible choice for the Starrcade main event. Other than maybe 1992, this was probably the weakest main event to date.

Beefcake would get yet another gimmick as the painted Zodiac, who would face Randy Savage at Halloween Havoc 1995.

Randy Savage vs. Zodiac

Zodiac has what would become Rey’s music soon. It’s Brutus Beefcake being able to only say yes or no. Yeah it didn’t work. I’m stunned too. Ok so apparently Luger and Savage have to win their matches earlier in the night to get a match with each other tonight. If just one wins then…nothing happens I guess. Well ok then. I love that rock version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Savage jumps him early and is dominating. A fan runs into the ring and stays in there for like 20 seconds with the referee just owning him. Security gets rid of him as Savage wins with the elbow in less than two minutes. This was supposed to be Kamala but he left the company. No one else noticed. Total squash so no rating.

Things would be a bit better when Zodiac became Booty Man and fought Diamond Dallas Page at Uncensored 1996.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booty Man

Oh where do I even start here. Ok, Booty Man is Brutus Beefcake first of all, who is freshly face again, having been a heel in the Dungeon of Doom, only to be thrown into this match with the explanation that he was sent in by Hogan as a spy and was really a good guy all along. That….actually could work. I mean think about it: is that really such an insane plot idea?

I certainly wouldn’t think so. I mean it’s certainly not great or fleshed out or anything, but considering it was likely thrown together at the last minute it’s fine by me. Now, you might be wondering why we’re even having to talk about Brutus here. Well, this was supposed to be Johnny B. Badd fighting DDP for the 12th time in a week or something like that, as they had been feuding forever.

Why were they feuding? Well, DDP was this poor guy that got some money together and went to play Bingo with Kimberly. He bought her ticket and she won $12 million dollars at a freaking Bingo game. I want to play in that game! Anyway, they went to court over it and the judge gave it to her. The thing was, he had already spent a ton of it, and Johnny was the only guy that would defend her.

The TV Title got involved in there too but it wasn’t important. Anyway, this is money vs. career so there we are. Badd had jumped ship about two weeks before this to WWF as Marc Mero and debuted 7 days after this. So with no one at all to go to, they turned Brutus into the Booty Man of all things and we have this.

Think about that story for a bit: that’s pretty much the main midcard feud: a feud over a game of Bingo, and people wonder why this company sucked so much at this time. DDP is allegedly penniless here, but he has enough to get tights and boots. He’s doing some almost biker gimmick or something here too. Oh and Kimberly is called the Booty Girl now. Page looks awful here. Brutus is wearing the same tights he wore as the Barber but now he’s wearing a headband and has a REALLY bad song.

They bury Badd before the match, saying he decided he just couldn’t compete in WCW anymore. Ouch. Dang shame he had about 5 times as big of a career in WWF than he ever would have in WCW where he would have been swallowed by the NWO in six months and gone to WWF for half the money later on. Yep, his life sucked. Sadly, we haven’t even started the match at this point.

We start with Page hiding and smoking a cigar as Brutus is apparently a Hulkamaniac. The way his tights are cut Brutus looks like he’s wearing a really big thong. They haven’t actually made contact yet. HE LOCKED UP WITH HIM! HE LOCKED UP WITH HIM!!! After that, we waste some more time. We’ve been going for almost three minutes before they actually do any real wrestling.

We get a great line of after the money came in, the Diamond Doll (Kimberly) got built up with Page. Think about that for a minute and you’ll get it. Anyway, they finally get going here and in a funny bit, Heenan starts talking about the angle and Dusty talks over him. Bobby starts getting upset and complaining, saying that he won’t talk anymore and it’s now the Tony and Dusty Show. BOBBY, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THINGS GOOD AND MADE OF PORK TALK TO US!!! DON’T DO THIS TO US!

Thankfully he’s back a few seconds later. Dusty actually says Brutus is a skilled mat wrestler. Yep, that’s what he said. Anyone want to place a bet on him topping that one later on? As Dallas is on the floor, Kimberly comes out looking like a roller disco cheerleading French maid. Trust me, you would describe her the same way. This is just horrible. It’s more or less a dance recital with some arm work in there.

That was the absolute worst mistiming thing I’ve EVER seen. DDP reverses an Irish Whip and then I have zero clue what they were planning as Page lays down on his back and Brutus bent forward after running like he was going to back drop Page. I really don’t know what that was supposed to be but even the announcers can’t hide the fact that it was horrible looking.

I mean TONY FREAKING SCHIAVONE says “Oh what was that?” in a very sarcastic tone. They try to say it was a botched arm drag but that doesn’t work. OH! They repeated the spot (dingbats) and it was supposed to be Brutus goes for a cross body and Page ducks. The problem was that the first time I think Brutus was thinking shoulder block or something. It was so obviously a repeat of the spot and it just looked awful.

You can tell that Page, who likes to map stuff out, has no clue what to do here. He liked to have his whole matches scripted beforehand, something Randy Savage was notorious for in his best days, but this was thrown together so there we are. Also, this is nowhere NEAR the DDP that you’re used to. Kimberly wants Brutus to be her boyfriend. That’s her exact line. Is she wanting to participate in a drug intervention or something?

In another jab at Badd, they say that Page signed to fight bad and the announcers unanimously agree Page would have won. They say a heel would beat a face, which sums everything up. Heenan says if she’s looking for a boyfriend to put an ad in the paper. Bobby says that in that outfit the only person she could get is a fellow acrobat. Page kisses Kimberly, leading to a high knee for the pin.

Brutus “keeps” Kimberly due to the stipulation. WCW: a slave trader’s paradise! Brutus kisses her. I’d recommend about a week in a dentist’s office along with a high dose of antibiotics. She’s the Booty Girl now. I’m out of jokes here so post amongst yourselves. Page would of course be back and somehow wrestle THREE MATCHES at the next PPV. Good to see they’re keeping their promises.

Rating: D. This went WAY too long. To be fair, Kimberly looked pretty good so it gets points for that. It also launched DDP’s career as he became this guy that despite being fired still was filmed by WCW cameras and shown on WCW TV. He would get some mystery benefactor that was never revealed due to the NWO. He would return and become the character we all know and at least like, launching him into the stratosphere in WCW.

Hey look! Another gimmick! From September 28, 1998.

Disciple vs. Sick Boy

No sunglasses for Disciple here and he comes out to the NWO music though he’s wearing an OWN vest. Sick Boy jumps him to start but Disciple no sells a suplex and chokes away. This time it’s Sick Boy no selling a gutwrench suplex but Disciple immediately no sells a neckbreaker and hits a big boot “to the face” (clearly missed) and the Apocalypse is good for the pin. I wonder how many people knew that was Brutus Beefcake. The only direct reference to it was a one off line from Warrior calling him a barber and he looked so different that it might not have been clear.

We’ll wrap it up with a one off show from Australia called I-Generation Superstars of Wrestling in 2000.

Barbarian vs. Brute Force

Force is Brutus Beefcake and this is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. Brutus pulls Barbarian away from posing for a trashcan shot to start things off. Some broomstick choking has Barbarian down in the corner but a low blow stops Force’s force. Yeah I know that was bad but this show is dumbing me down and we’re not even half an hour into it. A headbutt low gets Barbarian yelled at for no reason but a trashcan to the head is fine. The announcers talk about a popcorn machine as Barbarian stomps him down in the corner. I could go for a hot snack to keep me awake too.

We head to the floor with Barbarian being rammed into the table and hit with the trashcan again. Barbarian fights from his back with trashcan lid shots but has to avoid a shot with the steps. Back in and Brutus is hit with a 2×4 and punched in the head a lot. Some choking with a chain does no good for Barbarian as Brutus comes back with an atomic drop and a low headbutt. A Stunner, a DDT and a piledriver get two each for Brutus but a single kick to the chest/ribs is good for the pin for Barbarian.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of the problem with gimmick matches: there’s no reason for this to be a hardcore match so it’s just two people hitting each other with trashcans for ten minutes. That doesn’t make for an interesting match but rather a boring waste of time until we get to a very stupid finish that made Barbarian of all people look tough instead of the hero.

As you can see, Beefcake had a ton of names, once being called the Dizzy Booty Disciple Zodiac Clipmaster Barber Without a Face, Brutus Beefcake. That being said, Beefcake never was all that great in the ring and was best known as being one of Hulk Hogan’s closest friends. That being said, he certainly didn’t do that badly for himself and kept a job for about twenty years plus. That’s not bad all things considered and he was awesome around 1990 or so.

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Today is Tito Santana for no reason other than there aren’t a ton of great choices today.

Tito got started in the late 70s and was quickly a WWF Tag Team Champion. Here’s a title defense from April 21, 1980.

Tag Titles: Wild Samoans vs. Ivan Putski/Tito Santana

Putski and Santana are champions and their opponents are making their MSG debuts. This would be Afa and Sika, the original Samoans. Putski (who is barely taller than the top rope) starts with Afa. Long stall before we get going and Putski gets a BIG reaction for pushing Afa into the corner. They trade full nelsons and we get heel miscommunication. Everything breaks down and the Samoans are rammed together.

Putski tries a double noggin knocker which gets him nowhere at all. Off to Tito vs. Afa now and the Samoan growls a lot. Maybe he wants a taco? The champions work on the leg without tagging. What great role models. They take turns stomping it and I think Tito kicked him low at least once in there. The leg work continues and more or less it’s just kicks to the leg of Afa. The idea of holds seems to be lost on the champions.

Just as I say that of course, Putski hooks onto a weak leg lock. He doesn’t tag Tito but Santana comes in anyway. The referee does a lot of not paying attention. Afa kicks Ivan away so Putski pounds him down and tags in Santana again. It’s very strange to see the faces in such long lasting control. Afa hits Putski very close to the groin and headbutts him down. There’s the tag after almost nine minutes of pounding.

Sika comes in and things continue to go slowly. Off to some choking which doesn’t last long at all. Putski fights up but Sika elbows him right back down. The Samoans hit a double clothesline and Putski is in trouble. We get the unseen tag to Santana which gets them in trouble this time. You would think that would be a heel move but here the champions did it. Nice change of pace at least. The second attempt at the tag works and everything breaks down. Afa crotches Tito on the top rope and that’s a DQ apparently.

Rating: C+. Best match of the night so far with both teams going at a pretty fast pace. The heel in peril idea was definitely interesting and having them go wild and get disqualified at the end was a nice choice as it fits their crazy men mentality. Good little match here which probably set up a gimmick mater later on.

For the sake of time we’ll skip ahead a bit to what is probably Tito’s most famous feud. He won the Intercontinental Title from Don Muraco and started feuding with Greg Valentine over the title in one of the best feuds of the 80s. From August 25, 1984 in MSG.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Tito is defending. Valentine tries to take it to the mat but Tito is too quick for him and it’s a standoff. Tito tries the same thing and it’s another standoff. Santana hooks a headlock into an atomic drop and Valentine begs off. A back elbow puts Tito down and there’s a shoulder breaker followed by a forearm to the face for two. Valentine pounds away but Tito comes back for a slugout to take over. We cut again to Jimmy being taken out on a stretcher.

Back in the ring and Valentine has Tito in a reverse chinlock but he counters into….something as we cut back to Snuka being wheeled out. Greg pounds away on the back and neck before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Valentine keeps on the ribs but Tito gets in a shot to the Hammer’s ribs to escape. Santana tries a leapfrog but takes out the referee instead. There’s the flying forearm for the pin on Valentine, but the referee misses the foot being on the rope.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it was designed to set up another match later on which is fine. These two had some insane chemistry and with some more time and more of a focus on the match, they could have had a FAR better match. Either way, decent stuff here and a good way to get the fans to want to come back later. Tito would drop the title to Valentine a month later.

Post match Valentine puts Tito in the Figure Four and cranks on the knee something fierce.

Tito is in the back and says his knee is hurt. He sounds like he’s in labor. Tito says he’ll be back for Valentine and he’ll defend the title in 30 days.

Valentine is very pleased with himself and what he did to Taco Bell Santana.

We’ll get back to them in a bit, but first it’s time for Tito to start it all. This is the first match ever in the history of Wrestlemania, and therefore the first match I ever reviewed.

Tito Santana vs. Executioner

Executioner is Buddy Rose (of Blow Away fame) under a mask. Tito is WAY over here in MSG so he was a good choice to open things up. We start with a crisscross before Tito dropkicks Executioner out to the floor. Back in and Santana hooks a headlock to take Executioner to the mat as we’re still waiting on that promised leg work. Tito charges into a boot in the corner and Executioner takes him down with a knee to the ribs. A spinning toe hold is easily escaped so Executioner goes after the other leg. So which one is injured in the first place?

Tito shrugs him off and the masked guy hides in the corner. Since it’s a corner that Tito is looking straight at, the hiding doesn’t go all that well and Tito slugs him down. Executioner comes back with a slam and goes up, only to be slammed right back down. A Santana splash hits knees though and we get to the knee work. That work consists of one cannonball down onto it before Tito kicks him to the floor. Back in and the forearm sets up the Figure Four to make Santana the first winner in the history of Wrestlemania.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t too bad and the crowd reacted well to Santana, but Executioner was just a guy there to be evil. For an opening match this was a pretty good idea but for a match in general it was pretty lame stuff. Then again they have no idea what they’re doing at this point so it’s understandable.

Back to Valentine, who has since stolen the title. Here’s one of their many rematches inside a cage from July 6, 1985.

Intercontinental Title: Greg Valentine vs. Tito Santana

In Baltimore here and in a cage. Tito drags him into the cage and it’s on. No commentary again with Gorilla doing the voiceover. Valentine goes for the door early but Tito makes the save. This should be good either way. Both try to get out and can’t do it as the other grabs his foot. Valentine keeps trying to run which makes sense. I’m not entirely sure if I get why Tito keeps trying to run as this is supposed to be his big revenge match. I guess getting the title back is enough revenge for him.

Shoulder breaker by Valentine but you would think he would go after the leg but whatever. Escape only here if I didn’t mention that. I like the old school thoughts on cage matches like that too as pins in a cage match are kind of stupid when you think about it. Tito blocks the Figure Four as the violence is a bit low here. Gorilla points out that the figure four is a bit stupid as you can’t win by submission which makes sense to a degree I guess.

Flying forearm by Tito takes Greg down. Tito goes into the cage as this is very much back and forth. Very slow paced match but they’re hammering away in there and it’s working well I think. It’s very weird to see the match presented like this as the ring is only kind of microphoned here so you don’t here the ring make any noise at all.

This is more about the cage itself as this is back in the day when a gimmick match still meant something and wasn’t more or less something you throw in as a free prize in a cereal box. Tito gets a leg over the top but still can’t get out. Make that both legs out as Valentine is going for the door which Tito kicks on his head to get out and get the title back.

Rating: B-. This was more about the aura of the cage rather than the guys in there. Tito gets the title back and gets his revenge by beating on Valentine very well. This wasn’t a classic or anything but it was definitely a good conclusion to their feud which was always good. This worked.

Valentine destroys the belt afterwards but Tito saves it. I think this resulted in the new design coming in. Gorilla calls it the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship of the World.

Here’s a title defense from February of 1986.

Intercontinental Title: Jesse Ventura vs. Tito Santana

Interesting point to start: we’re told that Jesse and Adonis held the tag titles. They did, but they were the AWA tag titles. They said this regularly but it wasn’t something you expect to hear. I think this is in Toronto. Jesse complains about the closed fist because that’s what heels do before punching their opponents. He calls Santana Chico which is always awesome. Jesse keeps getting caught in holds and heading for the ropes.

Time for a wristlock as the fans are almost all behind Jesse. They pop for Tito’s reversal as well though so I guess the Canadians are confused here. Off to a headlock but Jesse gets a knee to the ribs to take over. Out to the floor now and it’s confirmed that we’re in Toronto. Jesse’s offense is pretty basic but he knows how to work a crowd like a master which is more important.

Tito gets in a few punches but Ventura pokes him in the eye to stop him. Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat. Backbreaker gets two and an atomic drop does the same. Here’s a bearhug which makes sense given the back work that was done earlier. Tito smacks him in the head to escape. Gorilla: “Look at that firey Mexican!” Tito grabs the Figure Four but Jesse gets the rope. They fight up the ramp and Tito puts the Figure Four on out there but Jesse kicks him into the ring for the countout win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it worked for the most part. It was actually a double countout if you care. This was fine for a house show title defense, especially with someone like Jesse who was a rarity to see in the ring at this point. He knew how to work a crowd but the people loved him which is the right idea.

Santana would lose the title less than a week later to Randy Savage. With his singles run over for the time being, it would be off to a tag team with Rick Martel, known as Strike Force. Here’s a title shot against the Hart Foundation from October 1987.

Tag Titles: Strike Force vs. Hart Foundation

I’ve actually never seen this. Gene pops up to say the titles change hands. Nice guy that bald one. This is on Superstars and is more or less a token title defense. Martel vs. Bret to start as we keep things Canadian. Double elbow and down goes Bret as Tito goes to that armbar which he likes apparently. O’Connor Roll is countered as Tito’s head is rammed into the mat rather hard.

Neidhart comes in and they slug it out. Surprisingly enough it’s about a draw and cheating gives the champions the advantage. Backbreaker by Bret gets two. I couldn’t think of a way to say “gets two” where both words started with two. Darn the luck. Vince says it would be a shame if this ended in controversy. It’s kind of interesting to know what we know about him now and wonder if he’s saying “screw this up and you’re fired.”

More double teaming puts Tito on the floor and gets two back in the ring. Tito almost gets the tag but Bret breaks it up in a great heat drawing move. The move that Demolition would use as their finisher gets two. Bret misses an elbow and this is Santana’s chance. I hope he’s a better wrestler than guitar player. Never been a fan of him. That joke failed didn’t it?

No tag yet as this is pure 80s tag formula. Tito reverses an Irish whip (from a Canadian to a Mexican of all things) and Bret gets to do his chest first bump into the corner. Double tag and the crowd is on fire, much like Martel. Cross body gets two on Neidhart as everything breaks down. Double slam to Anvil and the Boston Crab goes on Neidhart who gives up almost immediately and we have new champions to a big old pop.

Rating: B-. Standard 80s tag formula here but good talent and timing plus a very hot crowd are enough to make this a pretty solid outing. Also I always liked Strike Force so that helps a lot. They would hold the belts until Mania, and yet they were transitional champions. This is in October, meaning their reign was almost six months. Nice transitional reign no?

They would hold the belts for about six months before dropping them to Demolition. Tito would go back to singles matches, including this match against Rick Rude from February of 1989.

Rick Rude vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. Back in MSG again. Wait according to Trongard this is Boston. It looks like Boston so we’ll go with that. We start with a test of strength that is more or less a tossup. Tito eventually wins it and then wants a rematch when Rude runs. Rude takes the chance to of course cheat and we finally get to a more traditional match.

Rude is cussing a good deal in this one. Tito works on the back as this is very back and forth stuff. After a long camel clutch by Tito, Rude treats him like Arn Anderson and spins over to drive his knees into Tito’s crotch to take over. This has somehow been going on nearly ten minutes. The time has flown by which is good I think as it hasn’t been boring at all.

We’ve had a lot of rest/time killing holds and we get another hear with the chinlock by Rude. Tito fights to his feet and rams him into the corner but runs into a big boot to take care of that. Rude pounds away but Tito rams his head into the mat to take over again. Solid stuff so far. And there’s another pair of knees to Tito’s lower half. That has to be getting old.

Tito blocks a suplex to get one of his own. Due to this, Rude can’t even get a slam on Tito who isn’t an incredibly big guy in the first place. Crowd is WAY into this. Tito is all fired up and hits the head knocker and it’s Figure Four time! So much for that though as the rope is reached maybe 4 seconds later. In a cheap ending, Tito hits the floor and goes for a sunset flip but Rude grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a better grade before the bad ending. They went back and forth the whole match and it worked well the entire time. The ending felt incomplete for lack of a better term. Both guys were great here though and the back work by Santana worked rather well for a change. Solid old school match that had the time to develop which is always a perk.

Tito would drop down the card pretty quickly but would still get a PPV spot at Summerslam 1990.

Warlord vs. Tito Santana

Piper makes Mexican jokes as Tito grabs a headlock. Warlord easily shoves him down and Piper suggests going for a taco. Three straight dropkicks send Warlord out to the floor for a consultation with Slick. Back in and Tito pounds away but is launched to the outside on a kickout. Warlord rams Tito’s back into the post as Piper does a horrible Slick impression. Back in and Warlord pounds on the back but Tito fires off a quick clothesline and right hands. The flying forearm hits out of nowhere but Warlord gets his foot on the ropes. Back up a few seconds later and a powerslam abruptly ends Tito.

Rating: D+. Tito was a jobber to the stars at this point and made Warlord look as good as he could have, but the match was nothing special at all. Warlord just wasn’t all that good other than having muscles on top of muscles. Tito also jobbed to Barbarian at Wrestlemania so they had an idea of what they were using him for at this time.

Here’s a very rare match that took place in Spain in October of 1991.

Undertaker vs. Tito Santana

Tito is of course ungodly over as he hammers away in the corner. Undertaker no sells a ram into the buckle but Tito kicks away in the corner. Tito cranks on the arm and gets two off a sunset flip before the monster sends him into the corner. That’s fine with Santana as he jumps up to the middle rope and comes off with a clothesline, followed by a second one to put Undertaker outside.

The dead guy is sent into the steps but shrugs it off thanks to the powers of the urn. The announcers (in Spanish) are talking about eating pizzas for some reason. Back in and Undertaker slowly hammers away while Paul Bearer says OHHHHHHHHH YES a lot. Tito can’t slam Taker and gets punched in the face for his efforts. A slam puts Tito down but he misses an elbow drop. Old School is countered and Tito loads up the flying forearm but Undertaker pulls the referee in the way.

Taker goes aerial with a jumping kick to the back of the head and a side slam for no cover. With the referee still down, Undertaker busts out a body bad and puts Tito inside. Because he’s an Undertaker you see. Since this takes about 19 hours, Tito is able to fight out and put Undertaker down with a quick piledriver. Taker gets up so there’s a second piledriver followed by a third. Tito steals the urn and knocks out Undertaker for the BIG upset and Undertaker’s first pinfall loss, which of course was never mentioned on American television.

Rating: C-. The match took so long to get anywhere that it was annoying, but at the same time that was Undertaker’s character at the time. This was the same idea as having Hogan lose to Jacques Rougeau in Montreal. It gave the fans a way to be sent home happy (naturally this was the main event) and it worked well as the roof blew off the place for the pin.

Here’s one more WWF match for the road. From Wrestlemania VIII as Tito is now El Matador.

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels

Tito is El Matador now and Shawn is freshly heel. Bobby says Reba is Tito’s sister: Arriba McIntyre. Say it out loud and you’ll get the joke. After taking forever to get Sherri to the floor, Tito gets a fast two off a cross body. They head to the mat for a headlock on Shawn which doesn’t last long. Michaels avoids a punch to the face but gets clotheslined out to the floor instead.

Back to the chinlock which doesn’t go anywhere this time either, so Shawn takes over in the corner. That also goes nowhere so Santana punches him in the face and takes it right back to the mat. Shawn finally comes back and pounds away even more, this time sending Tito out to the floor. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn and we hit the chinlock again, this time by the future world champion. Santana fights up but walks into the superkick for no cover.

The Backdrop Suplex (Shawn’s old finisher) is countered and there’s the flying forearm to send Shawn to the floor. Back in and a slingshot forearm puts Shawn down again as does a big atomic drop. Tito’s forearm to the back of the head sends Shawn to the outside again, only to have Sherri trip Tito up on a suplex attempt to give Michaels the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was a lot of kicking and chinlocks for an opening match. Tito was good for giving you a guaranteed decent performance out there, so putting him against Shawn was a good move for the most part. The match wasn’t great or anything but it did a decent job at what it was supposed to do.

We’ll leave the WWF and head to WCW/AAA for When Worlds Collide in 1994.

Tito Santana/Pegasus Kid/2 Cold Scorpio vs. La Parka/Blue Panther/Jerry Estrada

This is IWC vs. AAA. Pegasus Kid you know as Chris Benoit and yes that’s the same Tito Santana you’re familiar with. Estrada is a brawler, Panther is a masked guy and captain and La Parka is La Parka. Scorpio is starting us off but Estrada and Parka fight over who starts. Instead it’s Panther who takes Scorpio to the mat to a HUGE pop. I’m a big Scorpio and Santana fan so I think you know which team I like here.

Off to Benoit vs. Parka. The Parka team is WAY more popular as they’re technically the hometown team. Santana comes in but Estrada and Parka fight over who gets to face Santana. Tito in black trunks is an odd sight to see. Also this is just Tito, not El Matador. Mike says Tito is clearly the weak link on his team. That’s not exactly what I’d say but he’s the Professor.

Parka won’t tag in, ticking Estrada off even more. Benoit and Panther come in to speed things way up and Benoit hits a huge suicide dive to the floor. Benoit is the captain of his team so if he loses it’s over. Scorpio and Parka come in and try to out overdo it. They slug it out but neither guy can take over. Parka fakes taking a low blow and both guys hit the floor. That allows Estrada vs. Santana to come in. Remember that’s legal here.

Estrada is sent to the floor and it’s off to Benoit vs. Panther again. They’re both in blue so that works out well. Benoit hooks the snap suplex but an elbow misses. Parka is tagged in and he walks along the apron for a bit first. The Canadian hits a German on the Mexican and it’s back to Panther again, this time against 2 Cold. They look like their chemistry is way off at times in this.

A powerbomb puts Parka down but Estrada comes in, breaks it up, kicks Parka a bit for good measure and now the heels can’t figure out who to get in. Ok so now it’s Tito vs. Panther. Benoit comes in but misses the swan dive. Scorpio misses his huge moonsault as well. I get why Panther is a champion. La Parka and Estrada fight over who gets to cover Scorpio so it’s back to Panther again.

Parka sends Santana to the floor and sets to dive but hits Estrada of course. Scorpio hits a big dive to take everyone out. Panther misses a moonsault so Benoit hits a Matt Hardy legdrop for two. Panther tries a powerbomb on Chris but Benoit rolls through into a rana for the pin and ZERO reaction, which also might be a cultural thing.

Rating: C. I liked it a little better than the previous one but it’s no classic or anything. The idea here was two different styles and in that theory it worked. At the same time though, the tagging thing isn’t something I can get used to inside of an hour, which is how long this has been going on. It was fine but it’s something I think I’d like a lot more if I watched lucha libre more often.

 

We’ll wrap it up with an indy match from East Coast Wrestling in September 2007.

Bobby Roode vs. Tito Santana

Roode armdrags Tito down to start and bounces around on his feet like Brock Lesnar. He snaps off a hiptoss and shouts 2-0. Tito comes back with a rollup and some armdrags, sending a swearing Roode bailing to the floor. Back in and Roode offers a handshake and crosses his heart that he won’t jump Santana. Tito is skeptical and spends the next two minutes thinking about it. Roode’s kick to the stomach is caught and he gets shouldered to the floor where an army of nine year olds tells him he sucks.

Roode starts to walk away but eventually comes back in to stomp on Santana. Some elbows to the chest have Tito in even more trouble. We hit the chinlock with the referee accusing Roode of a hair pull. Roode: “No I didn’t!” Referee to the crowd: “Did he?” Roode: “Oh shut up!” Bobby lets go of the hold and rips at Santana’s face before choking a bit. Off to a neck crank but Tito’s arm only drops twice. He fights up but we quickly hit the sleeper with Roode insisting that he has Tito now. The holds lasts a good while again until Tito fights up and hits the forearm for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. We’ll put this in the same “send them home happy” group. Yeah the match was boring and about five minutes of it was spent in a chinlock or some variation thereof, but Tito was in his mid-50s here and wrestled about once a month. It’s a pretty lame match, but the house show style is fun to see for the little stuff like the arguments with the fans.

Tito is one of the smoothest guys you’ll ever see in wrestling. He could do almost anything asked of him and would be perfect for a midcard show stealer. Throw him in the main event for the title against say Savage in 1988 for the title and I’d bet money he would have the crowd totally buying the near falls at the end. I’ve called Kofi Kingston the Tito Santana of modern times and there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s a very talented guy who will dominate the midcard for awhile but never quite be at higher level. That’s not a bad thing, contrary to what people seem to think.

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This is the original biggest show ever and it actually lives up to the billing.  The main event is Ric Flair vs. Harley Race inside a cage in one of the biggest storylines ever at that point.

Starrcade 1983
Date: November 24, 1983
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 15,447
Commentators: Gordon Solie, Bob Caudle

 

As mentioned, this was all about Race vs. Flair. Even the show’s title (A Flair for the Gold) was focused on that one match. Aside from that, the rest of the show was pretty much a big Mid-Atlantic house show. There was a world tag team title match between the Brisco Brothers and Ricky Steamboat/Jay Youngblood and Roddy Piper vs. US Champion Greg Valentine in a non-title dog collar match. The rest of the card pretty much was thrown together and had little to do with ongoing storylines. Let’s get to it.

 

There isn’t much in the way of an intro. We open on a shot of the arena and the announcer says “THIS IS STARRCADE!” That’s a very simple yet awesome way to say it.

 

The Assassins vs. Rufus R. Jones/Bugsy McGraw

 

This is one of those matches with no given story behind it. Jones is the reigning Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Champion at this point, McGraw is a fat guy and the Assassins are guys in black sweaters and pants with yellow masks. They’re called Assassin #1 and #2 so it’s not going to be easy to remember which is which. Bugsy starts with we’ll say #1 and the match is shockingly fast paced to begin. Bugsy drops him with a shoulder block but both guys miss elbow drops. A slam sends #1 to the floor and the fans are VERY into McGraw.

 

Back in and they lock up with McGraw hitting a quick elbow to the head before pounding away on #1 over and over to knock him into the corner. Here’s Assassin #2 who is much smaller than his partner. Another slam puts #2 down and it’s off to Rufus for an even louder ovation. He gyrates a lot and pounds away as the cameraman seems to slip, sending the shot all over the place. Rufus works on #2’s arm with some headbutts before it’s back to Bugsy.

 

The Assassins make a tag but #1 winds up running away from McGraw instead of fighting him. #1 grabs the wrist and cranks on it a bit but Bugsy looks much more annoyed than anything else. Bugsy elbows his way out of trouble and brings Rufus back in for more headbutts to the shoulder. Jones pounds on #1 in the corner and knocks him down with a hard Irish whip. Assassin rakes him in the eye to finally take over but the advantage lasts for all of ten seconds before Jones fires off some headbutts to the ribs.

 

Back to Bugsy for some wild punches to take over. Everything breaks down until it’s just McGraw backdropping I think #1. In a pretty bad ending, #2 causally walks into the ring and rolls up McGraw for the fluke win. The referee seemed to be perfectly fine with the lack of tagging there.

 

Rating: D. The match sucked but the crowd reactions for McGraw/Jones were great. I have no idea what the point was in having the Assassins win here was as they were in control for roughly ten seconds out of just over eight minutes. Nothing to see here at all and the ending sucked the life out of the crowd.

 

The announcers talk about how great this show is and hype up the main event a little bit more. Apparently Dusty Rhodes is going to challenge the winner.

 

Tony Schiavone (long time WCW commentator making his debut tonight) is in the back as the good guys are warming up for their matches later, including both Flair and Piper.

 

Kevin Sullivan/Mark Lewin vs. Scott McGhee/Johnny Weaver

 

McGhee and Sullivan get things going meaning we don’t have a tall man in the ring at all. Off to Lewin to slap McGhee in the back and tag out to Sullivan again. Weaver gets the tag and we get a crisscross resulting in Sullivan holding onto the ropes to avoid a right hand. Lewin comes back in but Weaver starts cranking on his arm to gain control. Off to Scott again as Lewin isn’t sure what to do.

 

Mark and Kevin start tagging in and out very quickly to work on Scott’s arm with knees and chops to the shoulder. Lewin comes in to crank on both arms at once but Scott manages to make a tag while still in the hold. That would be very impressive but the tag doesn’t count as the referee didn’t see it. Lewin and Sullivan stay on the arm before it’s a nerve hold by Mark. Sullivan comes back in but lets McGhee go long enough for the hot tag to Weaver. Johnny cleans house but has his bulldog broken up by Sullivan. Now it’s Weaver getting pounded down and Lewin comes in off the top rope with a knee to the arm….for the pin? Seriously?

 

Rating: C-. It was better than the opener but not by much. The arm stuff was fine although the ending was out of nowhere. Sullivan just held the arm while Lewin jumped onto it for the pin. The match wasn’t bad but we’re now a fourth of the way through the show and no good guy has won yet. That’s some questionable booking.

 

Post match Sullivan and Lewin’s manager Gary Hart throws in a spike and McGhee is stabbed in the head, busting him open. Huge referee Angelo Mosca gets beaten down for a bit before making the save.

 

Some fans from South Carolina are in the front row and are very polite about being here.

 

Harley Race is his usual calm and collected self and says he knows all of Flair’s injuries. He’s coming after them tonight.

 

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Carlos Colon

 

This was a MEGA feud in Puerto Rico where the match was allegedly banned from ever happening again, despite the two feuding on and off on the island for the next ten years or so. Abdullah looks exactly the same here as he’d look for years to come. Butcher shoves Colon into the corner to start and pounds away on him against the ropes. It looks like Abdullah has something in his hand to jab Carlos in the head with.

 

Carlos comes back with some right hands and an object of his own. Colon fires off some shots the ample gut and gets two off a legdrop. Butcher kicks Carlos off of a near fall and the referee is crushed in the process. Colon puts on the Figure Four but Butcher’s manager Hugo Savonovich rakes Carlos’ eyes, giving Butcher the pin.

 

Rating: D+. Just a brawl here for the most part which never got wild in the slightest. Butcher was there because he could bleed a lot and look like a mess at the end of the match. Carlos was somewhat known here but the fans weren’t quite sure what to make of the match as neither guy was all that well known in this area. This was about three minutes of punching and then a finish though, which makes for a dull match.

 

Angelo Mosca is furious but says he’s going to be the referee in the world tag title match later. He’s going on a crusade for people like his son so he doesn’t have to deal with people like Sullivan and Lewin. The camera pans back to see Scott McGhee covered in blood and looking completely unconscious in a disturbing visual. Oh and Mosca picks Flair to win tonight.

 

More fans pick Flair to win tonight.

 

Wahoo McDaniel/Mark Youngblood vs. Dick Slater/Bob Orton

 

Slater and Orton put Flair out with a broken neck and McDaniel and Youngblood are Flair’s friends, here for revenge. Youngblood and McDaniel are both Native Americans so they come to the ring in big headdresses. Before the bell Dusty Rhodes is introduced to the live crowd for no apparent reason. Wahoo and Slater start things off with McDaniel quickly throwing him over the top and out onto the apron.

 

Back in and Wahoo works on the arm before it’s off to Mark for some arm work of his own. We cut to an overhead camera view which is pretty disorienting. Slater is slammed down but comes back with a quick rollup for two. Mark puts on a hammerlock as we go back to the overhead view. Slater is kicked to the apron again but comes back in with a Russian legsweep for two. Orton comes in with a knee to the back and it’s Youngblood in trouble.

 

A gorilla press backbreaker has Youngblood down again but Bob misses an elbow. After a quick chase on the floor, Orton brings Slater back in after only a brief rest on the apron. Actually scratch that again as the tag doesn’t count for some reason. It’s very clear that the tag team formula hasn’t been invented yet. A crisscross results in a backbreaker to Youngblood and a tag off to Slater. There’s a gutwrench suplex for two on Mark and he falls to the floor for some stomping by Orton.

 

Youngblood breaks the count by a second but the punishment to the back continues with a reverse chinlock. Orton lets go on the hold and stomps him in the face for good measure. Slater comes in and breaks up a tag before suplexing Mark down for two. Back up and they bang heads, allowing for the hot tag to Wahoo. He cleans house with an atomic drop on Orton and a big chop for good measure.

 

Everything breaks down and it’s Wahoo getting double teamed for a change. A belly to back suplex gets several two counts for Dick before it’s back to Orton. Bob misses a headbutt and it’s off to Mark who speeds things up almost immediately. Wahoo is sent to the floor and Youngblood has to fight off both villains on his own. After a quick double beating, Orton hits Youngblood with the superplex for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here but the majority of it was Slater and Orton toying with Youngblood and McDaniel which doesn’t make for very entertaining action. I’m not sure what sort of revenge this gets for Flair and it makes the Native Americans look pretty lame. Also this is the fourth straight loss for the good guys here.

 

The winners injure Wahoo’s arm post match.

 

Flair is in the back with Ricky Steamboat and Jay Youngblood who are getting ready for their matches later. In a rare sight, Flair is very calm and collected before the main event. He wishes the other two luck. Youngblood and Steamboat are ready too and promises to win the tag belts again.

 

Dusty Rhodes…..has technical difficulties but I think he’s talking about wanting the first shot at the winner. Expect to hear things like this a lot, as Dusty had a big issue with making everything about himself and not the guys that the show was supposed to be focusing on.

 

TV Title: Charlie Brown vs. Great Kabuki

 

This has a lot of stuff to mention. First of all, Kabuki is defending. Second of all, Brown is Jimmy Valiant under a mask, but given that he has Valiant’s foot and a half long beard, it’s clearly him. Also this is a sixty minute time limit but the title is only on the line for the first fifteen minutes which I’ve never heard of before. The referee is in jeans here too which isn’t something you often see. Finally this is mask vs. title, but again I think that’s only for fifteen minutes.

 

Kabuki is sent to the floor but Brown is all over him, sending the champion into the post and chasing him with a chair. Kabuki gets crotched against the post and it’s time to dance back inside. Brown chokes away and pounds away before putting on a sleeper hold. Kabuki goes for the mask to escape but Brown puts the hold back on almost immediately. The champion’s manager Gary Hart puts Kabuki’s foot on the ropes for the break and Brown yells a lot.

 

Kabuki comes back with a kick to the chest and some chops to take over before putting on a claw hold. Brown escapes and backdrops Kabuki down, only to have the champion come back with another claw hold. Charlie fights up again but he’s too dazed to follow up. Back to the claw for the third time but Kabuki lets it go for no apparent reason. A top rope chop to the head gets two on Brown so Kabuki goes after the mask again. Another kick puts Brown down but he fights up, avoids a kick in the corner and drops an elbow for the pin and the title out of nowhere.

 

Rating: D. Another dull match here but we finally get a victory for a good guy. The majority of this match was spent with Brown laying on the mat in a hold which doesn’t make for an interesting match whatsoever. Brown would become Jimmy Valiant again soon and had to drop the title as a result. Nothing to see here but the good stuff is coming.

 

Caudle and Solie talk to a local radio show host who predicts Flair winning. Does ANYBODY think Race is winning? The announcers run down the rest of the card. Both guys look and sound like great announcers which they both are for the most part. Solie talks about being saved by Roddy Piper during a brawl so he’s backing Piper in the dog collar match.

 

Slater and Orton talk about the bounty they collected and think Race is retaining the gold. Race says these two men know Flair better than anyone so he’s as ready as he can be.

 

Dusty (noticing a pattern here?) says that he wants the first shot at the new champion. He picks Flair too after talking about how great his own career has been for a minute or so.

 

Roddy Piper vs. Greg Valentine

 

Greg is US Champion but this is non-title because it’s a dog collar match. The idea is they both have collars around their neck and there’s a chain attaching the two collars, meaning neither guy can run away. Anything goes and you can win by pinfall. This match came about because Valentine injured Piper’s ear in the match where he won the title. They immediately start by pulling on the chain with their necks in a painful looking tug of war. Neither guy can get an advantage so they both start pulling on the chain to get closer to each other.

 

Piper gets in the first shot with the chain and Valentine is mad. They back up again but Valentine misses some swings and Piper gets back to the corner. Both guys come to the center of the ring for a slugout but no one can take over. Roddy gets in some shots with the chain and Valentine is in trouble. Greg goes for the bad ear and start choking away with the chain but also wrapping the chain around Piper’s face for extra torture.

 

Piper comes back with some shots to the eyes of his own before choking away in the middle of the ring. Valentine is sent into the corner and Piper keeps pounding away on the head. Piper takes it to the floor for some HARD shots with the chain as they head into the barricade. Greg gets in some shots to the bad ear and Piper is bleeding from the side of his head.

 

Back in and Valentine pounds away but Piper blocks a suplex. A hard elbow gets two for Valentine but Piper is in big trouble. Greg tries to hit the ropes but Piper pulls the chain to bring him down. Piper goes NUTS on Valentine and pounds away on him, busting the champion open in the process. Valentine goes right back to the ear but Piper comes back with some straight left hands to the jaw. A BIG right hand drops Valentine but Greg goes after the ear again to take over. Greg gets two off a knee drop as both guys are tiring.

 

A chain shot to Piper’s ear gets two but Roddy comes back with a suplex to put both guys down. Greg grabs a quick sleeper but Piper’s arm only drops once. Roddy wraps the chain around his hand but the hold slows him down again. A jawbreaker gets Piper out of the hold but it’s Valentine going up first. Roddy pulls him off the ropes and beats the tar out of him with the chain before tying the legs up to pin Valentine. Solie says that was for the title but corrects himself a few seconds later.

 

Rating: B+. This is a very hard hitting brawl but it can be a bit slow at times. This is the match that made people realize how insane Piper could be as he went out there and took an insane beating before coming back time after time and trying to hurt Valentine. He would jump to the WWF soon after and become the top villain in the world, which is what he deserved to be.

 

Post match Valentine jumps Piper and chokes him with the chain.

 

Flair gets I think his third interview of the night, this time with Wahoo McDaniel next to him, says that he’s coming for Race, Slater and Orton. He wants the best from Race tonight.

 

Don Kernoodle, former world tag team champion, wants to see Flair win.

 

Tag Titles: Ricky Steamboat/Jay Youngblood vs. Brisco Brothers

 

The Brothers would be Jerry, who you might remember as one of Vince’s Stooges in the Attitude Era and the legendary former world champion Jack. They’re defending here against the guys they took the belts from. Jack and Steamboat start things off in what sounds like a dream match. It’s a feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get any kind of advantage to start. Steamboat does some fast leapfrogs but Brisco grabs the ropes to avoid a chop. Mosca, the big guy mentioned earlier, is referee here.

 

Jerry comes in to work on the arm for a bit before it’s back to Jack for an armbar. Jerry comes in again and pounds away in the corner but Ricky chops him down and tags in Jay. Youngblood counters a slam into an armdrag on Jerry before bringing Steamboat back in to pound on the arm as well. Jay jumps off the top onto the arm as well but it’s off to Jack again to drop Steamboat throat first onto the top rope.

 

A quick suplex gets two for Jerry and he hooks a short armscissors to keep Ricky in trouble. Ricky escapes in an impressive power display by lifting him off the mat and dropping him down on his back. Hot tag brings in Jay and things break down. The Briscos double team Youngblood to take over again but Jerry can only get two off a suplex. Jerry tries his abdominal stretch cradle but Jay kicks out again. He tries again but rolls Jay into the corner for another tag to Steamboat and the future dragon cleans house. A double chop puts Jerry down and Steamboat slams Jay down onto Jerry for the pin and the titles.

 

Rating: C+. Nice tag match here to give Steamboat and Youngblood their fifth tag titles. Yeah even back then there were teams who would get a bunch of titles in just a few years. Anyway, the Briscos would be retired soon after this while Youngblood would die in 1985 due to injuries suffered in the match. Good stuff here though.

As the new champions celebrate, we actually have the credits read to us. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

 

Charlie Brown comes in to see Flair and says the TV Title is for Jimmy Valiant. Piper comes in to say it’s not over between himself and Valentine (yeah it was). The new tag champions say they know what it takes to be champions now because the first three reigns didn’t count I guess.

 

The announcers hype up the main event even more.

 

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Harley Race

 

The entrances take a LONG time, especially when you compare them to the other intros tonight. Wait has anyone else had an intro tonight? I don’t think they have actually. Flair has a long light sequence with his legendary music (the song playing in the gorilla sequence from 2001: A Space Odyssey) playing in the background. Former world champion Gene Kiniski is guest referee for no apparent reason and this is inside a steel cage. Race is a seven time and reigning champion and Flair is a two time champion so these are both seasoned veterans.

 

They talk trash to each other to start before Flair takes him down with a headlock takeover. Race sends him into the ropes for a knee to the ribs but Kiniski pulls them apart. Ric snapmares him down into a chinlock which transitions into a headlock. Race fights up and hits a high knee, only to have a falling headbutt hit the canvas. Flair goes back to the headlock and cranks away on it on the mat but has to shift over into a front facelock.

 

Race escapes but misses a big elbow drop, only to fall on Flair for two during a slam attempt. Race drops a knee on the forehead and it’s Flair in trouble this time. Kiniski pulls Race off again so Harley opts to hit Ric in the ear instead. A piledriver puts Flair down but Race drops an elbow before covering. Race stays on the neck which is logical given the piledriver that put Flair out earlier in the year. The champion drives some knee into the back of the neck before sending Flair head first into the cage. That’s the first time it’s been used and we’re about ten minutes into the match.

 

We go to that overhead camera shot again as Race hits what looks like a shoulder breaker for two. A falling headbutt has Flair in trouble again as does being slammed face first into the cage. Another shot into the steel has Flair in trouble and Race is in full control. The referee pulls Race off Flair for the third time but this time he yells at Flair as well. Ric is busted open now.

 

Flair tries a headbutt get gets raked in the eyes to bring him down again. Now Ric blocks a ram into the cage and sends the champion in to get his first advantage in a long time. A knee to Race’s head gets two and Harley is busted open as well. Flair hits a piledriver of his own but Race’s afro protects him, meaning Flair only gets two. There’s a butterfly suplex for two for Flair and he sends Race head first into the cage again.

 

Race is in trouble but comes back with a headbutt which looked very low and Flair is in trouble as a result. Kiniski interferes AGAIN before Race throws Flair into the cage. Flair loads up a punch but Gene pulls the arm back because that’s illegal. IN A CAGE MATCH. Ric gets ticked off and pounds away on the champion but Kiniski breaks up the strut. Flair puts on the Figure Four but Race turns it over, which is apparently a big deal at this time.

 

Race headbutts out of the corner but Flair falls on top during a suplex attempt. The champion slams him down and drops a middle rope headbutt but stuns himself in the process. A suplex gets two more for Race and there is blood EVERYWHERE. Race pounds away and Kiniski has a problem with that too. Harley shrugs off some Flair punches and sends him into the cage before choking away with his boot.

 

Flair counters a suplex into one of his own as the back and forth control continues. A big elbow drop misses Race and both guys are down. Flair has been in such a fight that he’s gone from covered in blood to clean again to bloody again. Race accidentally knocks the referee down and in a famous but odd ending, Flair goes up top and hits a cross body, sending Race falling over the kneeling Kiniski for the pin and the title.

 

Rating: A. This is the definition of an old school fight. While it was pretty clear that Flair was going to win, it wasn’t a complete lock which made the match that much more interesting. The only slight flaw is the ending as the Kiniski stuff really wasn’t needed and the build wasn’t all that strong. Still though, this was a bloody and violent match between two of the best ever. Great stuff.

 

Flair’s friends storm the cage to celebrate. Ric thanks the fans for the win.

 

The announcers talk about Dusty vs. Flair which is coming soon.

 

Tony is in the back with Flair (again) and Flair thanks the fans (again). Here’s Dusty (AGAIN) to say he’s coming for the title, because Heaven forbid Flair gets his moment without Dusty being the last thing we see on the show right???

 

The announcers talk about Dusty. AGAIN.

 

Race says that he’ll be back, which he technically would by beating Flair in an unrecognized title reign in New Zealand but it only lasted three days. There’s a misconception that Race was very old at this point, but he was only forty years old here, which is a lot younger than a lot of the guys on this show, many of whom were in their mid to late 40s.

 

Flair (in his fifth or sixth promo tonight) is with Steamboat and Youngblood as they pose with their titles.

 

The announcers talk about everything to end the show, over twenty minutes after the main event ended.

 

Overall Rating: B. This show is a hard one to grade because it’s literally the first of its kind. Starrcade was a very ambitious effort and it worked quiet well for the most part. The first three matches were pretty bad, but with the longest one being just over eight minutes long. The next two matches weren’t particularly good either but at least they had some stories behind them.

 

That brings us to the final three matches which were all somewhere between good and masterpieces. This is pretty much a one match show with the main event being the focus of about 90% of the hype and that was excellent. On top of that you have another great match in the collar match and a very solid tag match, so what more can you really ask for here? It’s a very good show which is a very easy sit and required viewing for all wrestling fans.

 

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AWF Warriors of Wrestling
Date: September 21, 1995
Location: Studio City, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mick Karch, Terry Taylor

Now here’s one I’d bet that most of you have never heard of. This is from the mid-90s and it’s an attempt at making a third national promotion. Their big stars: Bob Orton, Tito Santana, Greg Valentine. The twist is that it’s based on European rules, meaning there non-title matches consist of three four minute rounds. Title matches are twelve four minute rounds. That’s quite a jump isn’t it? There’s a judging aspect too if the time runs out. Anyway, this show was basically a compilation of shows taped the previous year. There are 18 episodes in total and I plan on doing a total of this one only. Let’s get to it.

Sgt. Slaughter opens us up and says we should choose the AWF.

The opening video features guys like Koko B. Ware and the Warlord, plus A LOT of Slaughter. Oh geez Nailz is here.

They have red white and blue ropes ala the old WWF.

Tony Atlas is on the show too. Oh what have I gotten myself into?

Tito Santana vs. Ultimate Destroyer

Destroyer is an average sized guy in a silver mask with a white t-shirt under a gray striped singlet. I’d hate to see the standard model Destroyer. Actually scratch that as the Destroyer was awesome. Tito comes out to generic rock music. The production values aren’t awful but they’re nothing great. Terry runs down the rules, but with the following exchange beforehand. Mick: “Tell us about the rules in case we’re not clear here Terry.” Terry: “I’d be glad to Mick and I’ll do it like turtle soup: I’ll make it snappy.” This show is 45 minutes long not counting commercials and I’m about to cry after 3.

A few more rules: touching the referee or throwing your opponent over the top is an automatic DQ. Also the referee has final judgment. The rules are simple enough. Destroyer takes him to the mat but Tito sits out and it’s a standoff. Tito takes him to the mat now and we get a rope break. Destroyer breaks out with an elbow to the face but Tito hooks an armdrag (called an aerial wingover by Terry for some reason) and an armbar.

Destroyer pops out with a headbut but walks into an atomic drop which sends Destroyer over the top. That’s not a DQ though because it wasn’t intentional. I’m having WCW flashbacks now. This isn’t helping my issues with the match so far. Tito works on another armbar but Destroyer sends him into the buckle and misses a splash. Tito dropkicks him down and that’s the end of round 1.

We stop for a minute between rounds and Destroyer wants more time. That’s about the extent of his heel tactics so far. Oh wait he rakes Tito’s eyes. That’s the ticket! Tito comes back but gets draped over the top rope. That gets Destroyer nowhere and Tito slams him a few times. Flying Burrito (forearm) gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was a really bad choice for the opener. Flash back with me to 1987 and the first Survivor Series. The first match ever in the history of the Survivor Series was Team Savage vs. Team Honky Tonk and the final score before the end was 5-3. In that match we saw regular pins, a double countout, and a 3-1 beating. In other words, we got a great taste of what could happen with this concept. This match here on the TV show basically showed us that Tito could beat up Ultimate Destroyer, stop for a minute, then beat him up some more. Horrible choice for an opener.

Tito says this is about wrestling. He shakes his head a lot for some reason during the promo.

Billy Joe Eaton vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine has a manager named Rico Suave who is fat and mostly bald. Terry is the heel commentator I think. Billy works on the arm a bit but gets clotheslined down. Valentine works on the ribs a bit and Chris Adams pops up saying he’s in the AWF too. Eaton gets some shoulders into the ribs in the corner but Valentine takes him back down with ease. Elbow drop and Figure Four end the squash.

Sonny Rodgers vs. Tony Atlas

Rodgers jumps on Atlas to start and hits a double ax off the middle rope to put Atlas down. A few shots to the head put Atlas in trouble but Rodgers bounces off of him. Rodgers gets knocked to the floor and this show needs to end. Now. Put on a Matlock rerun or something, but get this show off the air. Sonny pokes him in the eye and dropkicks Atlas down for two with a power kickout.

Atlas Hulks Up (allegedly that was his push to have if not for Hogan) and destroys Sonny for a bit before hooking the bearhug…and the round runs out a big later. You know, BECAUSE WE NEED THIS TO CONTINUE! Johnny Gunn pops up to say that he’s here too and debuts next week. He’s Tom Brandi if you remember him. Gorilla press and splash finally end this.

Rating: D-. So far the only thing I can tell that the rounds add is making these boring matches last about a minute longer. There was nothing here for the most part with neither guy being interesting at all. The announcers were ripping on Sonny for poking eyes too much. This was really dull, much like the rest of this show.

The president of the company (and legit owner) explains the rules (apparently you have until TEN to break something. Either that or he misspoke) again. He promises touring is coming.

Rick Thunder vs. Nails

Oh geez it’s this guy. They even changed his name to the regular spelling. The idea here is that Nails doesn’t follow rules, making him probably the top heel in the company. He chokes Thunder in the corner a lot and we head to the floor. Nails throws a stool at Thunder and hits him with a chair for the quick DQ. This is the first character development and we’re about 80% done with the show.

Nails chokes him over the top rope post match.

Oliver Humperdink says that his tag team, Killer and Psycho, the Texas Hangmen (WHOA! They were featured on the show I did JUST before this. That’s weird) are here and awesome.

Ken McGuire vs. Sgt. Slaughter

McGuire is in pink trunks so you know he’s evil. Sheik Adnan Al-Kahassie is coming with someone to take out Slaughter. Sarge shrugs off a brief attack, hits the Slaughter Cannon and hooks the Cobra clutch for the quick win.

Slaughter says exactly what you would expect him to say.

Koko B. Ware vs. Bobby Bradley

Koko is in the High Energy attire and the fans chant Whomp There It Is. Koko shoves him down and dances a bit. He dropkicks Bradley down but Bradley comes back with very basic heel offense. Off to a chinlock for awhile but Koko comes back with a sleeper. Bradley escapes but the clock runs out in round 1 anyway. He jumps Koko between rounds and we hear from Mr. Hughes who says he’ll debut next week. Koko’s cross body misses and Bradley gets two. Ware goes up and hits an AWFUL looking missile dropkick for a close two. Ghostbuster gets the pin.

Rating: F. Koko looked old and fat here which is the exact opposite of what you’re looking for in a guy like him. Thankfully this show is almost over, because I don’t think I could take any more of this. The round system didn’t do anything here either as Bradley was out of the hold before the bell rang, so it didn’t mean anything.

Suave says he’s going to bring two more people here to take over. Valentine says he’s awesome and we’re done, thank goodness.

Overall Rating: F. I would usually try to come up with some catchy name or word for this, but this show was so boring that it drained the thinking out of me. The round system may sound interesting, but the problem is it doesn’t add or change anything. The matches are comprised of old guys that you knew at one point, but who now just look their age.

Also, most of these matches aren’t any good. The round idea just makes them last a minute longer which doesn’t make them interesting. The biggest problem though is the roster, as this is during the days of Nitro with a roster that would have been old in 1989. Nothing to see here and stay FAR away from this.

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WWF House Show
Date: August 25, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

I found a few shows from 1984 and now that I’m done with the book and the Wrestlemania redos I actually have time to get around to them. This is just after the Brawl to End it All the previous month, meaning this is either a very exciting time for wrestling or a bit of a downturn from the previous MSG show depending on how you look at it. The main event here is Santana defending the IC Title against Valentine which is almost always good stuff. Let’s get to it.

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Kamala

Kamala has Freddie Blassie with him here. The match takes forever to get going as Kamala has to be prepped for the match by his handlers. Strongbow runs around to start but his chops have no effect at all. Kamala misses a splash in the corner so Jay tries a sleeper, only to be rammed into another corner. Strongbow is sent to the floor for a bit before Kamala chops him down back inside. We get a quick warpath from Strongbow but he runs into a foot in the corner and the splash ends Strongbow in a hurry. Not much to see here.

B. Brian Blair vs. Mike Sharp

This is way before the Killer Bees so Blair is just a guy. Apparently Sharp is called The Wimp. Feeling out process to start until Sharp bails into the ropes to escape a hammerlock. Blair kicks him into the corner and we get a few crisscrosses. A few armdrags put Sharp down and a dropkick sends him to the floor. Sharp tries to bring in a chair which goes nowhere of course.

Mike goes to the eyes like a good villain and pounds away with some forearms to the back. A guillotine across the top rope has Blair in trouble but he comes back with a monkey flip out of the corner. Blair headscissors him to the floor and into the crowd as the match slows down again. Back in and Sharp wants a handshake and tries to get one for almost two full minutes. Blair cranks on the leg to no avail so Sharp hits a few backbreakers to take over.

A slam doesn’t work for Brian so they slug it out for a bit with Sharp taking over again. Blair is sent to the floor and kicked in the head a little bit…..then he’s kicked more…..and more……until Blair finally slides under the ring and sneaks up on Sharp. You know, because Sharp isn’t going to notice Blair disappearing. Brian sneaks up on him and knocks Sharp to the floor so they can brawl to a double countout.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but it just kept going. It ran over thirteen minutes with about four of those spent standing around. This is one of those things that you got a lot of back in this period: random matches which had no story and no reason for them fighting, which is why the matches had to be excellent. The problem is this never got close to excellent, as was the case most of the time.

Rick McGraw vs. Salvatore Bellomo

This would be another match just like the previous one. Sal takes him down with a headlock but McGraw fights out with some armdrags. Off to an armbar on Sal as the match slows WAY down. Sal fights up twice and gets put back in the hold both times. Bellomo counters into a wristlock and is put back into the armbar. We’re five minutes into this match and about three and a half of them have been spent on this armbar. You can see the draw coming from here.

Back up and they grab a test of strength with Sal going down into a bridge. McGraw drops down onto him but can’t break the bridge. Sal goes to a quick chinlock but gets countered into a hammerlock so we can lay around EVEN MORE. Back up again and Bellomo fires off some forearms….and put back in the armbar. Bellomo fights up and puts him onto the turnbuckle before backing away. The fans are booing this out of the building. Sal puts on a standing chinlock of all things as we’re somehow ten minutes into this disaster.

Since that’s too interesting, we go down into a headlock on the mat. We actually get an entertaining bit as McGraw monkey flips him over but Sal lands on his feet and hits a quick crossbody for two. That’s too much for them though and we head to the mat for another armbar on Bellomo. Sal sends him out to the floor as this somehow slows down even more.

A sunset flip gets two for McGraw and it’s time to brawl. They slug each other down to the floor before heading back inside for a backslide by Rick and things stop dead AGAIN. Sal starts working on the legs before they get up and collide with each other to lay down even more. Both guys try dropkicks and since that works so well let’s do it again! They do it a third time in a row before trading near falls until the time limit expires.

Rating: F. I think you get the idea here. For one thing, apparently this match had an 18:07 time limit and the decision was made to spend about half of that in armbars. I understand that the idea is to burn through some time on the card, but there’s no excuse for boring your audience like this. Seriously, do SOMETHING with that time. It can’t be that difficult. Bellomo would be jobbing clean to BOBBY HEENAN in a few months.

They raise each others’ hands post match.

Tag Titles: Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch vs. Wild Samoans

The Samoans are challenging here and are definitely the crowd favorites. The champions say they’re going to win. Lou Albano is guest referee here for some reason and gets caught talking to the champions in the back before the match. Adonis and Sika get things going but everything breaks down in just a few seconds. The Samoans clean house with Adonis being choked in the corner before bailing to the floor.

Back in and Sika knocks Adonis into the corner for a tag to Murdoch. Dick tries an elbow to Sika’s head which has no effect. I miss the days of the racial stereotypes. The champions have their heads rammed together and bail to the floor again. Back in and both champions are slammed down with Afa coming in to help out as well. Murdoch gets double clotheslined and Adonis bails to the outside.

Murdoch tries a sneak attack but rams the Samoans’ heads together to no avail. Dick charges into a knee in the corner and tries to tag in Afa out of confusion. Off to Adonis for a slugout and a sleeper on Afa who finally sends Adrian into the corner to escape. The champions change with no tag and Murdoch comes in to pound away even more. An atomic drop puts Murdoch down and it’s off to Sika. Adrian goes up and gets crotched as everything breaks down. The Samoans tale over but yell at Albano and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Not the worst match in the world but it was a lot of standing around until the lame finish. Presumably this sets up a later rematch, but it wouldn’t be anything I’d be interested in seeing based on what we just sat through. The Samoans wouldn’t be around much longer, but their family would be coming back for years on end.

The Samoans clear the ring post match.

Ken Patera vs. Pat Patterson

Patera is a legit strongman and was in the World’s Strongest Man competition. These two feuded for the IC Title back in 79 with Patera taking the title from Patterson so there’s an actual history here. Patera takes forever to strip off his warmup stuff and I have a feeling Patterson wasn’t complaining. We hear about Patera being the reason Monsoon retired before moving on to the Wepner vs. Andre the Giant match back in the 70s. In other words, the announcers are already bored and will talk about ANYTHING else to avoid the match.

Patera shoves Pat around to start before getting locked in an armbar. A cross body gets two for Pat and he pounds away to tie Ken up in the ropes. Patterson takes it to the mat and wraps Patera’s leg around the post. He stomps on Ken a bit but Patera pokes him in the eye to take over again. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Patterson comes back with a slingshot into the corner for two. Pat goes up but Patera rolls away before any jumping occurs. Patera comes back with a hot shot and the full nelson ends Patterson.

Rating: D+. Another lame match here but given who was in there I can’t say I’m that shocked. Patera would be put in jail about a year later for fighting with cops at a McDonalds and not many people would care. Patterson retired the next month, which actually surprises me as I didn’t know he was even around at this point.

Jesse Ventura says he’s going to beat up Ivan “Puduski” tonight and then he’s coming for Hogan.

Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski

Putski jumps Ventura on the entrance and the fans are actually waking up a bit here. Ventura hides on the floor for a bit before going back in, only to be shoved right back to the outside. Ivan hooks a headlock and pounds on Jesse’s head a bit before kicking him to the floor again. Back in (again) and Ivan grabs Jesse by the beard to pound away on him even more. Ventura rolls to the floor again as the stalling continues.

The Body puts a top wristlock on the much shorter Ivan and pulls him to the mat by the hair, meaning we can lay around again! Putski fights up and knocks Jesse to the floor but Ventura gets in a shot on the way back inside. Jesse pulls out some kind of foreign object to choke Ivan but of course doesn’t get caught. Ivan steals it away and clotheslines Jesse with it before choking as well. The referee seems to be fine with this. They head to the apron with Jesse hitting him in the throat and getting back in for a countout win.

Rating: F+. You wouldn’t believe this match was twelve minutes long would you? Jesse was a master at doing absolutely nothing in a match but still getting booed and this was no exception. Putski continues to be one of the most worthless wrestlers I’ve ever seen, as he has nothing of note at all and the match was incredibly boring.

Fabulous Freebirds vs. Butcher Vachon/Ron Shaw/Pete Doherty

Now here’s a rarity for you. This is 2/3 falls and to the best of my knowledge, this is the ONLY match for the Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Buddy Roberts and Terry Gordy) in the WWF. The Birds are good guys here and it’s Hayes vs. Vachon to start things off. Feeling out process to start with Hayes avoiding a shot in the corner before it’s off to Shaw. Hayes puts on a headlock and kicks Shaw in the face for good measure. Off to Roberts who pounds away on Shaw for a bit as we seem to be in squash territory.

Gordy comes in for a one arm slam before it’s off to Doherty. Back to Roberts who chases Doherty into the corner for a tag to Vachon. A slam puts Butcher down and here’s Hayes again, only to have him miss an elbow drop. The unnamed team pounds on Hayes in the corner but Gordy comes in for a save. Michael slides through the legs and tags in Gordy for a cross body to pin Vachon for the first fall.

After a break we start the second fall with Gordy locking up with Vachon. A few slams put Butcher down and it’s off to Shaw again. This goes about as well as you would expect for a jobber against a team the company is trying to get over as Buddy snaps Ron’s neck over the top rope. Doherty comes in and starts some triple teaming on Buddy which goes nowhere so here’s Hayes again to pound away. Doherty misses a legdrop and everything breaks down. Gordy gets all fired up and Doherty is backdropped down. An elbow from Roberts gets the pin.

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of writing that but it’s another uninteresting match which just kept going. The Birds would be back to likely Texas soon after this as the WWF wanted to split them up. To be fair, a three man team was only going to be able to do so much in the WWF, so the Freebirds weren’t the best fit around here.

Roddy Piper vs. Jimmy Snuka

Ok, this MUST be better than anything else tonight. I mean, by pure talent alone it has to be. This is just after the coconut attack by Piper so this is a really hot feud. Piper bails to the floor to start (popular move tonight) before coming back in for a hot slugout. Snuka easily chops him down and adds a headbutt for good measure. Piper tries a headbutt of his own and looks like he has a concussion. Roddy goes to the eye instead and pounds away at the head but Jimmy comes back with a chop to send Piper to the floor.

As they come back in, Snuka gets Piper caught up in the ropes and pounds away before hooking a sleeper. Piper gyrates his way out to the floor again and finally breaks the hold. Jimmy rams him into the post and into a chair for good measure to bust Piper open. They head back inside and Roddy looks TERRIFIED. Another headbutt puts Piper down but he counters the top rope cross body and sends Jimmy into the ropes. Snuka falls to the floor and is counted out in record time.

Rating: C+. This was BY FAR the best match of the night so far as it felt like these two wanted to kill each other. Piper charging in to fight Jimmy was a good idea as he looked more crafty than cowardly, which is a nice thing to see given how lame heels are booked in modern wrestling. These two feuded for a long time, with the feud being incorporated into the main event of the first Wrestlemania.

Post match Piper drills him in the neck a few times with a chair, resulting in a Snuka stretcher job.

Terry Daniels vs. Fred Marzino

Daniels is a small guy who hung out with Sgt. Slaughter around this time. We cut to the back to see Snuka being looked at by the doctor. We cut back to the ring to see an armbar then go to the back again to see Snuka have a neck brace put on. Marzino has a headlock on but it’s back to Snuka. Jimmy is starting to respond a bit here but can’t move his right arm. We cut back to the ring to see Daniels win with a sunset flip and a VERY fast count. We only saw about 40 seconds of the match so no rating.

Jimmy is now getting oxygen. Alfred Hayes can’t get much info but it’s some kind of a concussion.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Tito is defending. Valentine tries to take it to the mat but Tito is too quick for him and it’s a standoff. Tito tries the same thing and it’s another standoff. Santana hooks a headlock into an atomic drop and Valentine begs off. A back elbow puts Tito down and there’s a shoulder breaker followed by a forearm to the face for two. Valentine pounds away but Tito comes back for a slugout to take over. We cut again to Jimmy being taken out on a stretcher.

Back in the ring and Valentine has Tito in a reverse chinlock but he counters into….something as we cut back to Snuka being wheeled out. Greg pounds away on the back and neck before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Valentine keeps on the ribs but Tito gets in a shot to the Hammer’s ribs to escape. Santana tries a leapfrog but takes out the referee instead. There’s the flying forearm for the pin on Valentine, but the referee misses the foot being on the rope.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it was designed to set up another match later on which is fine. These two had some insane chemistry and with some more time and more of a focus on the match, they could have had a FAR better match. Either way, decent stuff here and a good way to get the fans to want to come back later. Tito would drop the title to Valentine a month later.

Post match Valentine puts Tito in the Figure Four and cranks on the knee something fierce.

Tito is in the back and says his knee is hurt. He sounds like he’s in labor. Tito says he’ll be back for Valentine and he’ll defend the title in 30 days.

Valentine is very pleased with himself and what he did to Taco Bell Santana.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh MAN this was lame. The Piper vs. Snuka match is good stuff but much like the main event, it was all to set up another match. The problem is the rest of the show was DREADFUL with the third best match of the show being Mike Sharp vs. Brian Blair. They were at least trying which helps a lot. Terrible show here which was desperately lacking Hogan.

 

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WWF House Show
Date: October 22, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon

This is a sequel to the previous month’s house show, as we have Hogan vs. Studd again, though this time if Hogan loses by countout he loses the title. Also after last month’s six man tag, we have the Samoans vs. Dick Murdoch and Adrian Adonis in singles matches. We’re still a few months away from the real kickoff of the Golden Era but things are rapidly picking up around here. Let’s get to it.

David Schultz vs. Salvatore Bellomo

Bellomo cranks on the arm to start but Schultz keeps going to the ropes for a break. David takes it to the mat but gets caught in a headscissors as the crowd doesn’t seem all that interested. Back up and Schultz takes over with a knee to the ribs as the slow pace continues. A hard clothesline puts Sal down, giving us this line from Gene: “That’ll jar your mother’s preserves.” Schultz hits a modified hot shot and a middle rope elbow for two. David goes off on Sal before finishing him with a suplex, complete with the slowest three count this side of a screwjob.

Rating: D-. Who thought this dull match was a good choice for an opener? I mean, a four minute match that ends with a suplex? Neither of these guys ever did anything, though Schultz had some potential until he screwed up on a news show by beating up the host when asked if wrestling was fake. Nothing match.

Afa vs. Dick Murdoch

Murdoch is one half of the tag team champions. Afa backs him into the corner so Dick begs for mercy. Murdoch is already on the floor for a breather as I sense a lot of stalling coming. Back in and Afa backs him into the corner again so Murdoch begs for more mercy. Oh yeah this is going to be a long one. Back in again and Afa grabs a headlock. Boy is he WILD! Murdoch misses an elbow in the corner and we get the same begging for mercy deal again. Back to the headlock as Gene and Gorilla try to understand the Samoan language.

Murdoch gets in a knee to the ribs but hurts his elbow when he hits Afa in the head. They lock up again and Murdoch blocks a headbutt with his forearms, only to injure his arms in the process. We’re five minutes into this match and I haven’t left out a thing. Right hands to Afa’s head hurt Dick’s hands and Afa no sells rams into the buckle. Now it’s Dick being sent into the buckle and out to the floor as this just keeps going.

Back in again and Afa cranks on the arm, which is to say he holds Murdoch’s wrist and stands there. Murdoch tries another headbutt and knocks himself down, because the joke wasn’t hammered in hard enough yet. ANOTHER headbutt from Murdoch hurts himself more than Afa, this time sending Dick rolling around the ring. An Afa headbutt gets two but Murdoch finally sends him to the floor to get something going. Hillbilly Jim is in the front row.

Afa is choked by a camera cable and Murdoch stomps away from the apron. Now Murdoch chokes with the tag rope. We’re ten minutes into this now and I don’t think there’s been anything of note at all. Murdoch pounds on the face and head with no effect and Afa takes over with a hard chop. An atomic drop has Dick in pain and another one is good for two. Some hard headbutts have Murdoch in trouble and another one sends him to the floor. Dick finds a bottle of some kind and a shot to the head has Afa in trouble.

Murdoch snap mares him down and drops an elbow for two. The kickout sends Murdoch into the ropes to a lot of frustration. Dick fires off right hands and hits the ropes, only to ram heads with Afa which has an effect on Afa now for no explained reason. Yet another headbutt puts Murdoch down and Afa rams Dick’s head into the mat for two as the time limit expires.

Rating: F. Read through the match again and you’ll get the idea behind this. The match ran about twenty minutes and had MAYBE seven minutes of “action.” In case you didn’t get the idea that was pounded into your skull, Afa had a hard head. When that’s the only thing you can throw out there for twenty minutes, your match sucked.

Murdoch wants five more minutes but gets headbutted down and bails.

Mad Dog Vachon, a spry newcomer at the age of 55, says he’s already a legend and now he’s going to take over the WWF.

Mad Dog Vachon vs. Rick McGraw

Vachon takes over with an armdrag into an armbar to start as Gene talks about his dog dying. Off to a headlock and then a top wristlock with McGraw fighting to his feet. Rick hooks a quickly broken headlock and they chop each other a bit. This is even more dull stuff which is the last thing this show needed. McGraw chops away in the corner and snap mares Vachon down for two. Mad Dog chokes a lot but gets caught by a dropkick. Vachon misses a charge into the post and a slam gets two for Rick. McGraw gets choked on the ropes for a bit and a piledriver gets the win for Vachon.

Rating: D. Another lame match here which somehow went nearly eight minutes. That’s the problem with the three matches tonight: there’s too much wasting time with almost no effort being put in by the guys. I know it’s a very different era, but at least make it look like you’re trying.

David Sammartino is proud to start tonight.

David Sammartino vs. Moondog Spot

Of course we start with stalling until Spot shoves him up against the ropes. Sammartino takes him down with a drop toehold and they look at each other some more. The small Sammartino shows off some VERY impressive power with a delayed gorilla press slam on the 300lb Spot. Well that makes up for the stalling at least. Off to an armbar by Sammartino and let’s look at Hillbilly Jim again.

Still in the armbar now as the crowd slips further and further into the coma. Gorilla keeps us entertained with stories of facing Bruno Sammartino in an HOUR AND FORTY TWO MINUTE draw where Gorilla lost 26lbs during the match. I can’t find any evidence that the match takes place, but the first rule of 1980s wrestling: if Monsoon says it, it’s the truth. The hold is finally broken and Sammartino punches him down into the corner. Back up and Spot takes him down with a kick to the chest. Chuck Wepner, the man who inspired the Rocky movies, is in the audience.

Sammartino avoids a shot to the back and takes Spot down, only to be caught by a knee lift. A middle rope fist to the back doesn’t have too much effect on David so we hit the chinlock instead. Back up and Sammartino runs over Spot but misses an elbow drop to put him back down. Two feet to Spot’s chest out of the corner put him down and David pounds away. An uppercut drops Spot and a knee drop gets two. They trade some lame near falls before Sammartino counters a powerslam into a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Egads this was another dull match. As mentioned, this was mainly armbars which doesn’t make for an interesting match. At the end of the day, David just wasn’t very good, but having his last name didn’t make things any easier. There was no way he was going to come close to his dad’s success and he never got going as a result. Again, the lack of skill didn’t help either.

Tito Santana wants the title back but he wants revenge on Greg Valentine even more.

Intercontinental Title: Greg Valentine vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. Since when did Valentine have Lou Albano with him? Valentine took the title from Santana and injured Tito’s knee, putting him out of action, making tonight about revenge. Santana goes right after Valentine from the opening bell and knocks the belt out of Greg’s hands. Valentine goes face first into the mat as it’s all Tito so far. The fans are finally awake for this

Greg comes back with right hands but Tito wins the slugout and sends the champion to the floor. Tito is fine with beating up Valentine on the floor and brings him back inside to ram the champ’s head into the mat. Valentine finally gets a breather after raking the eyes and a knee sends Tito to the floor. Albano gets in a cheap shot of his own but Tito pulls Valentine to the floor to keep up the brawl. Valentine grabs a chair and THROWS IT at Tito but only hits the apron. They head back inside with the chair and Tito cracks Valentine in the head, busting him open. Somehow that isn’t a DQ but Tito throws the referee down for the bell.

Rating: C+. This was short but VERY intense throughout. Tito knew how to work a crowd into a frenzy and the New York crowds ate him up with a spoon. This was one of those feuds that was going to work no matter what they did and this was no exception. Also it woke the crowd up which was what this show needed more than anything.

Ken Patera vs. Rocky Johnson

Rocky is more famous as the father of the Rock. Patera, a strongman, hides in the ropes to start. Shots to Johnson’s head have no effect so it’s time for more hiding in the ropes. A headlock takes Ken down to the mat as we make sure to keep this slow in case the fans start being entertained. Back up and they collide with neither guy going anywhere at all. Johnson takes him down with a headscissors, which like most other holds tonight, stays on for a LONG time.

Patera escapes and throws him down near the ropes to pound away. We hit the chinlock as the crowd is still silent. Johnson bridges out of the hold but Patera pulls him right back down by the hair so we can stay in the hold for over two minutes. Johnson finally gets up and pounds away to fire up the fans a bit so Patera elbows him down to stop that cold. Patera avoids a dropkick but misses an elbow drop to put both guys down. Back up and Rocky tries an O’Connor Roll, only to have Patera roll through and grab the trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Somehow this is one of the better matches of the night due to it not sucking so badly. Johnson had a ton of charisma and was a much bigger deal earlier in the 80s but he was over enough here to get the audience to care. Just nothing of note to see here again though as the match had no energy to it until the end.

Sika vs. Adrian Adonis

Adonis is the other half of the tag champions along with Murdoch. Sika takes him down by the arm to start and kicks at the shoulder before sending Adonis to the floor. Back in for more arm cranking by the Samoan which of course goes on forever. Adonis finally kicks away but gets slammed down and put right back in the armbar. The hold is finally broken again and a clothesline puts Sika down. Adrian gets crotched on the top but pulls out a loaded glove, only to hit the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D-. To give you an idea of how nothing this match was, it ran nearly ten minutes. On average, each paragraph covers about four minutes of action. This match was covered entirely in less than half that space. After all the nonsense I’ve had to sit through for this show, they put this on as a follow up? How did this company explode in just a few months anyway?

Luscious Johnny V says he’s been around the world but now he’s back with a new client: Brutus Beefcake. Johnny even explains the name: he’s a brute, he eats beef and his opponents are a piece of cake. We’re likely in an intermission here to give the fans a break from the “action”.

Sgt. Slaughter talks about wrestling a lot of big matches over his career but tonight he has to prove he’s better than a Russian. It’s SO strange hearing Slaughter being all calm and reserved compared to how he usually sounds. Slaughter promises to win for AMERICA.

Ken Patera says he attracts controversy because he’s awesome. He has a hole in his arm and blames a black man for it. No one in particular, just a black man.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Sarge is WAY over. They shove each other around to start with Hillbilly Jim approving of Slaughter’s actions. Nikolai’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere but he keeps it on for over a minute to get everything out of it that he can. Slaughter shoves him off and hits a hard clothesline to stagger Volkoff. The camera keeps going to a wide shot and it’s getting annoying. Nikolai gets in a shot to the throat to take over.

Slaughter gets pounded in the back and we hit a bearhug. Volkoff mixes things up a bit though by bending Slaughter forward and down over the Russian’s knees to crank on the back even more. Sarge fights out of the hold but more shots to the back put him down. Slaughter can’t slam Nikolai and gets rammed face first into an exposed buckle. A middle rope kick to the back of Slaughter’s head keeps him down and the American is bleeding a bit.

We hit the nerve hold for a good ninety seconds before Slaughter is sent into the corner for two. A knee drop gets two more for Nikolai but a middle rope version only hits mat. Slaughter fires off a slingshot and Nikolai is in trouble. The fans are getting into the match so Volkoff sends him into the corner and out to the floor to quiet them down again.

Nikolai breaks the count to stomp on the Sarge a bit more and ram him back first into the post. A backbreaker puts Sarge down again but Slaughter makes it back to the apron. Nikolai swings at him but gets caught in the Cobra Clutch from the apron, only to have Slaughter get counted out with the Russian in the hold.

Rating: C-. Dull match for the most part but the fans were so into Slaughter that it makes up for a lot of the boring parts. The ending was smart as well with Volkoff winning but getting beaten down at the same time. Given the drek I’ve had to sit through for over two hours now, this felt like Flair vs. Steamboat.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Tony Garea

Brutus struts to start before shoving Tony into the corner. Tony comes back with some right hands and a headlock to slow things down one more time. Back up and a cross body gets two for Garea and it’s back to the stupid headlock. Beefcake counters into a headscissors to really crank things up before choking away. Brutus pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Tony to get in some right hands of his own. Back up again and Garea gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to get caught by a knee to the head for the pin.

Rating: D+. Garea is a good guy but Brutus wasn’t worth much at this point in his career. The match was kept short to prevent Brutus from looking weak which was a good idea, but it didn’t make it an easy sit. If it sounds like I’m rambling to fill in space here, it’s because this show has dulled my brain very badly.

The 11pm curfew is waived, meaning there’s basically no time limit to the title match.

Fink runs down the card for the November show. The card sounds even less interesting than tonight’s show. The only match of note is Salvatore Bellomo vs. Bobby Heenan, which Bobby would actually win clean. Oh and a No DQ match between Santana and Valentine. The crowd doesn’t seem to care other than the Santana match, so Fink mentions that Bruno Sammartino will be in his son’s corner to finally get the fans to care.

WWF World Title: Big John Studd vs. Hulk Hogan

If Hogan gets counted out, he loses the title. The place goes NUTS for Hogan and Eye of the Tiger. Studd jumps him during the entrance but Hogan no sells everything and punches Studd to the floor. Back in and Hogan easily pounds Studd down again but Hogan follows him to the floor this time. John gets in some cheap shots and sends Hogan into the post but Hulk makes it back in at nine.

Back in and we hit the chinlock before a middle rope forearm to the back puts Hogan down again. After another look at Hillbilly, Hogan powers out but gets kneed in the back to keep John in control. An elbow drop puts Hogan on the floor and Studd slams him down on the concrete. Heenan says to get Hogan back inside, which is anti-Brain thinking. Hulk makes it back in at nine and a shoulder block gets a slow two. It’s Hulk Up time and the champion blocks a slam. A forearm to the head and an elbow drop get two for Hogan (when do you remember Hogan only getting two? That NEVER happened) but a clothesline retains the title.

Rating: D+. It’s Hogan against a monster in the mid-80s. As a childhood Hulkamaniac, I can’t dislike this formula no matter what the match looks like. The fans went nuts for Hogan which was the obvious outcome, but let’s take a quick look at why. All night long, other than Tito and Slaughter, everyone has been reserved and conservative, but those three with Hogan in particular are INSANE out there, playing to the crowd and running around like a maniac. The fans respond to the different style and it makes the matches much easier to get through. Simple formula but it works every time.

Post match Hogan offers to put up the title against Studd’s $15,000 body slam challenge but John bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. As boring as this show was, it really isn’t terrible. It goes by pretty quickly, but it’s much more dull than bad. The Hogan/Slaughter/Tito stuff is good but the rest of the guys here were incredibly boring. It would take all the new names coming in soon to really boost things up. This was a transitional time for the company as you can see a lot of the old guard still getting a reaction but having bad matches, making it a dull show but profitable on name value alone.

 

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WWF House Show
Date: August 25, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

I found a few shows from 1984 and now that I’m done with the book and the Wrestlemania redos I actually have time to get around to them. This is just after the Brawl to End it All the previous month, meaning this is either a very exciting time for wrestling or a bit of a downturn from the previous MSG show depending on how you look at it. The main event here is Santana defending the IC Title against Valentine which is almost always good stuff. Let’s get to it.

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Kamala

Kamala has Freddie Blassie with him here. The match takes forever to get going as Kamala has to be prepped for the match by his handlers. Strongbow runs around to start but his chops have no effect at all. Kamala misses a splash in the corner so Jay tries a sleeper, only to be rammed into another corner. Strongbow is sent to the floor for a bit before Kamala chops him down back inside. We get a quick warpath from Strongbow but he runs into a foot in the corner and the splash ends Strongbow in a hurry. Not much to see here.

B. Brian Blair vs. Mike Sharp

This is way before the Killer Bees so Blair is just a guy. Apparently Sharp is called The Wimp. Feeling out process to start until Sharp bails into the ropes to escape a hammerlock. Blair kicks him into the corner and we get a few crisscrosses. A few armdrags put Sharp down and a dropkick sends him to the floor. Sharp tries to bring in a chair which goes nowhere of course.

Mike goes to the eyes like a good villain and pounds away with some forearms to the back. A guillotine across the top rope has Blair in trouble but he comes back with a monkey flip out of the corner. Blair headscissors him to the floor and into the crowd as the match slows down again. Back in and Sharp wants a handshake and tries to get one for almost two full minutes. Blair cranks on the leg to no avail so Sharp hits a few backbreakers to take over.

A slam doesn’t work for Brian so they slug it out for a bit with Sharp taking over again. Blair is sent to the floor and kicked in the head a little bit…..then he’s kicked more…..and more……until Blair finally slides under the ring and sneaks up on Sharp. You know, because Sharp isn’t going to notice Blair disappearing. Brian sneaks up on him and knocks Sharp to the floor so they can brawl to a double countout.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but it just kept going. It ran over thirteen minutes with about four of those spent standing around. This is one of those things that you got a lot of back in this period: random matches which had no story and no reason for them fighting, which is why the matches had to be excellent. The problem is this never got close to excellent, as was the case most of the time.

Rick McGraw vs. Salvatore Bellomo

This would be another match just like the previous one. Sal takes him down with a headlock but McGraw fights out with some armdrags. Off to an armbar on Sal as the match slows WAY down. Sal fights up twice and gets put back in the hold both times. Bellomo counters into a wristlock and is put back into the armbar. We’re five minutes into this match and about three and a half of them have been spent on this armbar. You can see the draw coming from here.

Back up and they grab a test of strength with Sal going down into a bridge. McGraw drops down onto him but can’t break the bridge. Sal goes to a quick chinlock but gets countered into a hammerlock so we can lay around EVEN MORE. Back up again and Bellomo fires off some forearms….and put back in the armbar. Bellomo fights up and puts him onto the turnbuckle before backing away. The fans are booing this out of the building. Sal puts on a standing chinlock of all things as we’re somehow ten minutes into this disaster.

Since that’s too interesting, we go down into a headlock on the mat. We actually get an entertaining bit as McGraw monkey flips him over but Sal lands on his feet and hits a quick crossbody for two. That’s too much for them though and we head to the mat for another armbar on Bellomo. Sal sends him out to the floor as this somehow slows down even more.

A sunset flip gets two for McGraw and it’s time to brawl. They slug each other down to the floor before heading back inside for a backslide by Rick and things stop dead AGAIN. Sal starts working on the legs before they get up and collide with each other to lay down even more. Both guys try dropkicks and since that works so well let’s do it again! They do it a third time in a row before trading near falls until the time limit expires.

Rating: F. I think you get the idea here. For one thing, apparently this match had an 18:07 time limit and the decision was made to spend about half of that in armbars. I understand that the idea is to burn through some time on the card, but there’s no excuse for boring your audience like this. Seriously, do SOMETHING with that time. It can’t be that difficult. Bellomo would be jobbing clean to BOBBY HEENAN in a few months.

They raise each others’ hands post match.

Tag Titles: Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch vs. Wild Samoans

The Samoans are challenging here and are definitely the crowd favorites. The champions say they’re going to win. Lou Albano is guest referee here for some reason and gets caught talking to the champions in the back before the match. Adonis and Sika get things going but everything breaks down in just a few seconds. The Samoans clean house with Adonis being choked in the corner before bailing to the floor.

Back in and Sika knocks Adonis into the corner for a tag to Murdoch. Dick tries an elbow to Sika’s head which has no effect. I miss the days of the racial stereotypes. The champions have their heads rammed together and bail to the floor again. Back in and both champions are slammed down with Afa coming in to help out as well. Murdoch gets double clotheslined and Adonis bails to the outside.

Murdoch tries a sneak attack but rams the Samoans’ heads together to no avail. Dick charges into a knee in the corner and tries to tag in Afa out of confusion. Off to Adonis for a slugout and a sleeper on Afa who finally sends Adrian into the corner to escape. The champions change with no tag and Murdoch comes in to pound away even more. An atomic drop puts Murdoch down and it’s off to Sika. Adrian goes up and gets crotched as everything breaks down. The Samoans tale over but yell at Albano and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Not the worst match in the world but it was a lot of standing around until the lame finish. Presumably this sets up a later rematch, but it wouldn’t be anything I’d be interested in seeing based on what we just sat through. The Samoans wouldn’t be around much longer, but their family would be coming back for years on end.

The Samoans clear the ring post match.

Ken Patera vs. Pat Patterson

Patera is a legit strongman and was in the World’s Strongest Man competition. These two feuded for the IC Title back in 79 with Patera taking the title from Patterson so there’s an actual history here. Patera takes forever to strip off his warmup stuff and I have a feeling Patterson wasn’t complaining. We hear about Patera being the reason Monsoon retired before moving on to the Wepner vs. Andre the Giant match back in the 70s. In other words, the announcers are already bored and will talk about ANYTHING else to avoid the match.

Patera shoves Pat around to start before getting locked in an armbar. A cross body gets two for Pat and he pounds away to tie Ken up in the ropes. Patterson takes it to the mat and wraps Patera’s leg around the post. He stomps on Ken a bit but Patera pokes him in the eye to take over again. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Patterson comes back with a slingshot into the corner for two. Pat goes up but Patera rolls away before any jumping occurs. Patera comes back with a hot shot and the full nelson ends Patterson.

Rating: D+. Another lame match here but given who was in there I can’t say I’m that shocked. Patera would be put in jail about a year later for fighting with cops at a McDonalds and not many people would care. Patterson retired the next month, which actually surprises me as I didn’t know he was even around at this point.

Jesse Ventura says he’s going to beat up Ivan “Puduski” tonight and then he’s coming for Hogan.

Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski

Putski jumps Ventura on the entrance and the fans are actually waking up a bit here. Ventura hides on the floor for a bit before going back in, only to be shoved right back to the outside. Ivan hooks a headlock and pounds on Jesse’s head a bit before kicking him to the floor again. Back in (again) and Ivan grabs Jesse by the beard to pound away on him even more. Ventura rolls to the floor again as the stalling continues.

The Body puts a top wristlock on the much shorter Ivan and pulls him to the mat by the hair, meaning we can lay around again! Putski fights up and knocks Jesse to the floor but Ventura gets in a shot on the way back inside. Jesse pulls out some kind of foreign object to choke Ivan but of course doesn’t get caught. Ivan steals it away and clotheslines Jesse with it before choking as well. The referee seems to be fine with this. They head to the apron with Jesse hitting him in the throat and getting back in for a countout win.

Rating: F+. You wouldn’t believe this match was twelve minutes long would you? Jesse was a master at doing absolutely nothing in a match but still getting booed and this was no exception. Putski continues to be one of the most worthless wrestlers I’ve ever seen, as he has nothing of note at all and the match was incredibly boring.

Fabulous Freebirds vs. Butcher Vachon/Ron Shaw/Pete Doherty

Now here’s a rarity for you. This is 2/3 falls and to the best of my knowledge, this is the ONLY match for the Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Buddy Roberts and Terry Gordy) in the WWF. The Birds are good guys here and it’s Hayes vs. Vachon to start things off. Feeling out process to start with Hayes avoiding a shot in the corner before it’s off to Shaw. Hayes puts on a headlock and kicks Shaw in the face for good measure. Off to Roberts who pounds away on Shaw for a bit as we seem to be in squash territory.

Gordy comes in for a one arm slam before it’s off to Doherty. Back to Roberts who chases Doherty into the corner for a tag to Vachon. A slam puts Butcher down and here’s Hayes again, only to have him miss an elbow drop. The unnamed team pounds on Hayes in the corner but Gordy comes in for a save. Michael slides through the legs and tags in Gordy for a cross body to pin Vachon for the first fall.

After a break we start the second fall with Gordy locking up with Vachon. A few slams put Butcher down and it’s off to Shaw again. This goes about as well as you would expect for a jobber against a team the company is trying to get over as Buddy snaps Ron’s neck over the top rope. Doherty comes in and starts some triple teaming on Buddy which goes nowhere so here’s Hayes again to pound away. Doherty misses a legdrop and everything breaks down. Gordy gets all fired up and Doherty is backdropped down. An elbow from Roberts gets the pin.

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of writing that but it’s another uninteresting match which just kept going. The Birds would be back to likely Texas soon after this as the WWF wanted to split them up. To be fair, a three man team was only going to be able to do so much in the WWF, so the Freebirds weren’t the best fit around here.

Roddy Piper vs. Jimmy Snuka

Ok, this MUST be better than anything else tonight. I mean, by pure talent alone it has to be. This is just after the coconut attack by Piper so this is a really hot feud. Piper bails to the floor to start (popular move tonight) before coming back in for a hot slugout. Snuka easily chops him down and adds a headbutt for good measure. Piper tries a headbutt of his own and looks like he has a concussion. Roddy goes to the eye instead and pounds away at the head but Jimmy comes back with a chop to send Piper to the floor.

As they come back in, Snuka gets Piper caught up in the ropes and pounds away before hooking a sleeper. Piper gyrates his way out to the floor again and finally breaks the hold. Jimmy rams him into the post and into a chair for good measure to bust Piper open. They head back inside and Roddy looks TERRIFIED. Another headbutt puts Piper down but he counters the top rope cross body and sends Jimmy into the ropes. Snuka falls to the floor and is counted out in record time.

Rating: C+. This was BY FAR the best match of the night so far as it felt like these two wanted to kill each other. Piper charging in to fight Jimmy was a good idea as he looked more crafty than cowardly, which is a nice thing to see given how lame heels are booked in modern wrestling. These two feuded for a long time, with the feud being incorporated into the main event of the first Wrestlemania.

Post match Piper drills him in the neck a few times with a chair, resulting in a Snuka stretcher job.

Terry Daniels vs. Fred Marzino

Daniels is a small guy who hung out with Sgt. Slaughter around this time. We cut to the back to see Snuka being looked at by the doctor. We cut back to the ring to see an armbar then go to the back again to see Snuka have a neck brace put on. Marzino has a headlock on but it’s back to Snuka. Jimmy is starting to respond a bit here but can’t move his right arm. We cut back to the ring to see Daniels win with a sunset flip and a VERY fast count. We only saw about 40 seconds of the match so no rating.

Jimmy is now getting oxygen. Alfred Hayes can’t get much info but it’s some kind of a concussion.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Tito is defending. Valentine tries to take it to the mat but Tito is too quick for him and it’s a standoff. Tito tries the same thing and it’s another standoff. Santana hooks a headlock into an atomic drop and Valentine begs off. A back elbow puts Tito down and there’s a shoulder breaker followed by a forearm to the face for two. Valentine pounds away but Tito comes back for a slugout to take over. We cut again to Jimmy being taken out on a stretcher.

Back in the ring and Valentine has Tito in a reverse chinlock but he counters into….something as we cut back to Snuka being wheeled out. Greg pounds away on the back and neck before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Valentine keeps on the ribs but Tito gets in a shot to the Hammer’s ribs to escape. Santana tries a leapfrog but takes out the referee instead. There’s the flying forearm for the pin on Valentine, but the referee misses the foot being on the rope.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it was designed to set up another match later on which is fine. These two had some insane chemistry and with some more time and more of a focus on the match, they could have had a FAR better match. Either way, decent stuff here and a good way to get the fans to want to come back later. Tito would drop the title to Valentine a month later.

Post match Valentine puts Tito in the Figure Four and cranks on the knee something fierce.

Tito is in the back and says his knee is hurt. He sounds like he’s in labor. Tito says he’ll be back for Valentine and he’ll defend the title in 30 days.

Valentine is very pleased with himself and what he did to Taco Bell Santana.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh MAN this was lame. The Piper vs. Snuka match is good stuff but much like the main event, it was all to set up another match. The problem is the rest of the show was DREADFUL with the third best match of the show being Mike Sharp vs. Brian Blair. They were at least trying which helps a lot. Terrible show here which was desperately lacking Hogan.

 

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Prime Time Wrestling
Date: April 9, 1985
Hosts: Jack Reynolds, Jesse Ventura
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund

This is a different kind of wrestling show. The idea here is that the hosts sit in a studio and introduce matches to us. The matches would usually be from one house show that was filmed and then shown on programs like this. The most famous hosting duo for this was Gorilla and the Brain, producing some of the best banter you’ll ever hear. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately, this is the Jack Reynolds era. Reynolds is fine but he’s pretty generic.

Most of this show appears to be from the March 17, 1985 MSG show.

Charlie Fulton vs. Rocky Johnson

Fulton has a big beard and that’s about it. Rocky is apparently returning to the company here. He takes Fulton to the mat in a head scissors and speeds things up with something close to a nip up and some armdrags. Charlie gets in a few punches but Rocky rolls through some clotheslines and a BIG sunset flip wins it. The referee was way out of position just to tick off Gorilla.

Rating: C-. Rocky is a guy that the more I see of him the more I like him. He was really fun to watch and depending on who you believe, he might have been in line for Hogan’s push had Hogan not signed. Still though, not much here but Rocky didn’t have much to work with in Fulton.

Jesse says his headdress is a Manhattan golf hat for when he swings the clubs in Central Park.

Barry O vs. Rene Goulet

Speaking of not having much to work with, I get this match. The O is for Orton, as he’s Randy’s uncle. We talk about Wrestlemania which was two weeks after the airing of this MSG show. The show aired at 1pm which is so strange to hear in modern times. They go to the mat for some generic stuff. Barry controls with a headlock on the mat as the announcers ignore what’s going on. To be fair they’re talking about the main event of Wrestlemania so I can’t argue much.

Now he really cranks it up by putting Rene in an armbar. Rene comes back with his Claw. A Von Erich he is not. Barry slams him and Rene counters into a devastating headlock. The crowd completely turns on it due to the levels of boring this is hitting. Goulet knees him down but gets caught in a small package for the pin.

Rating: F. The audio and video messed up as I was watching it. Even the recording equipment knew that this match sucked. MSG was booing it and I can’t say I disagree at all. The mathc sucked as neither guy was doing anything past first gear in the entire thing. Why this needed nine minutes is beyond me.

The announcers talk about the upcoming matches. They do this between every match.

Jim Neidhart vs. SD Jones

Jones pulls the beard to start. Why don’t more people do that? What kind of a name is Special Delivery anyway? Is that supposed to be intimidating? Jones works on the arm as Neidhart can’t get out of it even with a slam. Neidhart clotheslines him on the top rope and hits a right hand. Gorilla wants a DQ for that punch. Jones shrugs off being rammed into the top rope. See he’s black, so he automatically has a hard head. Jones comes back with left hands which Gorilla has no comment about. He sends Neidhart into the corner but walks into a powerslam for the pin. One shoulder was clearly up but the referee was blinded by boredom.

Rating: D. Good grief these matches have SUCKED so far. No wonder the fans are getting sick of this show so far. Neidhart was actually a decent singles guy but his generic power game got lost in the shuffle with all the other power guys of this time. Putting him with Bret was the best thing they ever could have done.

Jesse thinks Bundy is the Burt Reynolds of wrestling. Ok then.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Terry Gibbs

This is the first match that wasn’t in order on the show. Gibbs jumps him to start and is promptly backdropped. Gorilla is alone on commentary here. Gibbs keeps pounding Ricky down but he’ll run every time Dragon comes back. This makes for a match that keeps starting and stopping. We get a chase around the apron and Ricky speeds things up with a chop. Gibbs hits an atomic drop but Steamboat comes back with a variety of chops and the cross body gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Can we get a single good match in this whole show? Or even a match that doesn’t make me want to go to bed? Steamboat is great of course but there’s not much he can do when he’s stuck in there with a guy like Terry Gibbs. This didn’t work well at all, much like the rest of the show so far.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Lumberjack match. This was the main event of the house show and is called the feature match here. There were other matches talked about to start the show but there’s no sign of them here. Then again, that’s probably a good thing. Greg is defending here. Tito explodes on him to start as is his custom. Valentine rolls to the floor in a daze but only Steamboat will throw him back in.

Back in Santana hits an atomic drop and knee lift. Valentine gets in a shot as Rocky Johnson gives Jimmy Hart the death stare. Tito hits a move called the Headknocker and Greg bails again. This time he winds up on the good guy side and is thrown back in. The crowd is really getting into this. Another knee lift gets two. Valentine gets more and more frustrated as no one will cut him a break but he’s scared to death of the fired up Tito.

Greg finally gets a boot up in the corner to take over. He pulls the hair a lot and slams Tito’s head into the mat for two. Greg works over the knee which he injured to take the title in the first place. He throws Tito to the floor a few times and then won’t let Santana back in. Hammer is getting warmed up now and slams in forearms to the chest. Knee drop gets two.

Being kind of an idiot, Valentine slaps Tito twice before going for the Figure Four. Santana rolls him up for one and it’s time to slug it out. Hammer puts him down and drops an elbow for two. Tito gets both feet up in the corner to put Greg down. Valentine is in trouble as JYD beats up someone on the floor. Tito sets up the Figure Four but Valentine rolls to the outside. Back in a forearm sets up the Figure Four but Greg makes the ropes. They slug it out and in a weak ending, Greg gets sent into the ropes and they hit heads. Both guys are out cold and Greg falls on top for the pin.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches that is almost impossible to screw up. These two had one of the greatest rivalries of the 80s and one of the best ever in company history. For some reason you never hear about it though. It’s probably due to Savage coming in and taking the title from Santana and dominating it for a year afterwards.

Overall Rating: D. The main event is good but OH MY GOODNESS did the stuff leading up to that suck. The rest of the house show sucked too so I can’t blame the fans for booing like they were. To be fair though, two weeks later they saw Wrestlemania so they can’t complain that much. Bad show here though.

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All-American Wrestling
Date: March 31, 1985
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Jack Reynolds, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino

No Mercy 03 is downloading so here’s a show you don’t often see: it’s from Wrestlemania Sunday. Who knows when this was taped but it’s literally airing hours before the biggest show ever. This should be interesting as far as seeing what they say about the upcoming show. Other than that I don’t know what to expect but the matches are taped so it’s not like we’ll be missing much. Let’s get to it.

The theme song is very patriotic.

The featured match is the Bulldogs vs. Goulet/Barry O. I’m riveted to see that. Yep Gene is talking about Mania which is today at 1pm. He runs down the card for today and plugs Wrestlemania whenever he can.

British Bulldogs vs. Barry O/Rene Goulet

The announcer messes up Barry’s name by calling him Bobby. Dynamite and Barry start us off and Dynamite uses the speed to escape whatever is thrown at him. Off to Davey and this must be near their debut. Jesse says he’s never seen the Bulldogs before so you know it’s early in their run. Back to Davey who hooks a crucifix for two. Off to Goulet and both guys get missile dropkicks from Dynamite. Goulet hits a clothesline to bring in Barry. Davey cleans house and the Bulldogs use their stepping stone headbutt spot to pin Barry. BIG pop for the Bulldogs.

Rating: C+. Just a squash, but man the Bulldogs were great when they started out. They were pulling off stuff that had never been seen in America so everyone reacted to them very strongly. Dynamite was so far ahead of his time it’s unreal. Can you imagine him against Jericho or Mysterio in 1996? It would have been incredible.

UPDATE! With Lord Alfred Hayes. It’s about JYD who likes to dance with kids. Ok then.

Big John Studd vs. Jim Young

Studd has $15,000 cash and Andre the Giant’s hair. Young fails at a slam and the pain begins. Andre comes out and beats Studd up for the quick DQ.

Gene sums up the big matches for Mania.

Cyndi Lauper says her girl Wendi Richter will win the title back on Sunday.

Gene is on the phone with Liberace who wants to know where Orndorff gets his robes. He has to drop the call though to talk to the camera.

Mad Maxine vs. Susan Starr

Maxine is a freak with a green mowhawk and allegedly 6’4 but that looks like a stretch. Starr runs away a lot but they spend most of the time circling each other. Starr even gets a leg lock on her. Maxine shrugs it all off and hits a suplex for the pin. This was really bad.

Gene reminds us that you have to see Mania on closed circuit.

Off to Piper’s Pit with Orndorff and Orton. They make fun of the Mania poster. Mr. T. is called a souped up spider monkey and has a banana smeared over his face. Hogan gets an egg. Orton’s arm is still hurt. It’s a very slow healing injury you see.

Mr. T. and Hogan are in New York to train. They’re on a building somewhere but Mr. T. wants to go to Central Park and beat up muggers. And that’s just what they do. Well they go to Central Park and T gives him training in “street fighting”, which means running in place. They go to the gym to train to Eye of the Tiger and hit each other in the head while sitting on the floor with their legs interlocked. Then they get on a train while people cheer. Now they’re in MSG with a piece of wood on the floor. They fire each other up, and that’s it. This was out there man.

Gene talks about Mania some more.

Greg Valentine vs. Pete Pompeii

Bruno is alone on commentary and this is joined in progress. Oh thank goodness Vince jumps in. Valentine is IC Champion here but it’s non-title of course. This is a squash and Valentine pounds him down before hooking a chinlock. He hooks a quick half crab, drops a middle rope elbow, and finishes with the Figure Four.

Rating: D. Just a squash but a long one. That being said, we needed something longer than usual to fill in the time. Vince can’t pronounce the jobber’s name, calling him Pompell which is funny to me for some reason. Other than that, not much to see here but it’s a squash so what are you looking for?

Gene runs down the card again and brings in the US Express. Albano is here too and is clean shaven. He says they’ll win and keep the titles. The champs say the same.

Gene talks about Wrestlemania a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. You can’t complain much about the show because the majority of this was to talk about Wrestlemania. It’s a big commercial and to their credit, they hyped the show up pretty well. It’s still boring but they were trying at least which is really all you can ask for. Plus if its the day of the show and you have to go somewhere to see it, you’ll already know if you’re going or not by this point.

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Here’s Wrestlemania if you’re interested: