Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 1999
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and in the surprise of the night, Mankind if the WWF Champion. That’s not the kind of thing you would expect to see, but then again this is 1999 WWF so oddities are a specialty. Steve Austin was attacked after the match was over, which should put him on the shelf for the time being. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a stills package of Mankind winning the WWF Title in a heck of a shock, plus the heck of a beatdown on Austin’s knee after the match.

Opening sequence.

Lawler welcomes us to the show, describing this as an action adventure series. That never sounds right.

JR is in the ring to interview Mankind but HHH and Chyna come out instead. HHH says there will be no celebration at his expense because he has been screwed over and over. It was supposed to be his moment because he became #1 contender. Then everything kept being taken away from him because the bar kept being raised. It happened time after time and once he got to Summerslam, he got a bogus referee who wouldn’t count a pin when he had a man beaten.

The fans chant for Austin and HHH goes on about how he had Austin beaten last night. The air came out from Austin’s soul and he was a beaten man, but it was a bunch of bull. Last night, HHH beat Austin within an inch of his life and now he’s laid on his back in a hospital bed with his legs in the air like a cheap prostitute. HHH remembers that Mankind and Austin are JR’s boys so he must be happy with what happened.

Well HHH is going to be happy right now, and he grabs JR in an armbar. He demands Mankind come out here right now or he’s snapping the thing. Cue Mankind but HHH says stop right there. The match is in a hurry….and HHH Breaks the arm anyway, as he should have. Mankind comes in to chase him off and says that since HHH broke his promise, he’s breaking his own: no title shot. Cue Shane McMahon to say oh yes the title shot is happening. So we just had a swerve into a swerve in the span of a minute and a half. It’s 1999 all right.

Michael Cole replaces JR.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg is challenging but Snow jumps him during the catchphrases (that’s evil). A chair shot puts Dogg on the floor and it’s time to unload with the weapons. Pepper the dog, in a pet carrier, watches as Snow loads up a table and Cole wonders why Pepper isn’t talking to Road Dogg (that was kind of funny). Snow tries to ride a ladder down onto Dogg on a table but only the ladder hits the table. Dogg puts Snow through the table but here is Chris Jericho to go after Dogg for the no contest.

Post match, Big Boss Man comes out to hit Snow with the nightstick and STEAL PEPPER!

We cut to the back where Chris Jericho and Road Dogg are still fighting but Boss Man comes by to deck Dogg. Boss Man throws Pepper in the back of a car and drives away, with Al Snow showing up to give chase.

Post break Snow is asking if anyone knows where Pepper is, apparently not having seen Boss Man leave. He wasn’t that far in front of him.

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. Undertaker/Big Show

Undertaker/Big Show, with Paul Bearer, are defending with Kane/X-Pac on commentary. Of note, since Road Dogg did his own intro, Undertaker and Show’s intro marks the first ever introduction from the new ring announcer: Lilian Garcia. The Acolytes jump Show to start but he double clotheslines them down. A chop block slows Show down and Bradshaw drops him with a top rope shoulder, as Undertaker isn’t bothering to do anything. Faarooq goes after Undertaker and gets thrown over the announcers’ table for his effort. The brawl is on, with Kane and X-Pac getting involved for the DQ.

Post match X-Pac and Kane get double teamed, including Undertaker chairing the heck out of Kane.

Test asks Stephanie McMahon to stay in the back for a bit.

And now, the Blonde Bytch Project, a Blair Witch parody, featuring Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards. They go out to find the title character and that’s the end of the first episode.

Here is Test for a chat and we look at some stills of him beating Shane McMahon last night. He has been through a lot lately and if he had to do it again, he would. There comes a time when you have to ask some questions, and sometimes you have to pop one. Therefore, he would like Stephanie McMahon to come out here.

Cue a smiling Stephanie but Shane McMahon runs in almost immediately. Violence is teased but Stephanie says hold it because Andrew (egads) makes her happy. Why can’t Shane love his sister for who she is? Test pulls Stephanie away and drops to a knee for a rather fast proposal. Stephanie needs some time to think about it but she does love him. Everything seems to be ok.

Chris Jericho wants Howard Finkel (whose name he can’t remember) to do something to be like Jericho.

Here is the new Eurocontinental Champion, Jeff Jarrett, along with Debra and Mark Henry. Jeff is happy with how Mark Henry helped him against D’Lo Brown last night, so he has a gift for Henry: the European Title! Debra has a present too. As the boss of Jarrett Enterprises, she needs an assistant. Since she already has the puppies, here is the debuting Miss Kitty, which seems to work for Debra. As for Jeff himself, he has left an open contract for a title shot on the locker room door. Someone can go sign it so we can have a title match for later. We have a match now though.

Mark Henry vs. Meat

Hold on though as D’Lo Brown jumps Meat in the back and we have a replacement.

Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title (I think). Brown hammers away to start but gets tossed up and onto his face. Henry misses the legdrop though, allowing Brown to hit one of his own. The Low Down connects but Jeff Jarrett comes in for the DQ.

Billy Gunn is looking for a pen and tells Chyna to watch the contract so no one can sign it. With Gunn gone, Chyna signs it herself. What a lying friend!

Post break, Billy can’t find Chyna and (jokingly, at least I think), calls her a b****.

The Rock vs. Gangrel

Gangrel has the New Brood, better known as the Hardy Boys, with him. Before the match, Rock says he’s ready to do various horrible things with Gangrel’s cup of blood. The brawl is on to start with Rock hammering away and hitting a clothesline out of the corner. Gangrel is smart enough to roll outside to avoid a worse beating and a New Brood distraction lets him takeover.

Back in and Rock hits a DDT for two and, after shrugging off Matt Hardy, sends Gangrel over the top. A quick necksnap across the top lets Gangrel get in a few shots but Jeff dives off the barricade to cut off Rock’s comeback. Cue Edge and Christian to go after the Hardys and Rock punches Gangrel down in the corner. The Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow finish in a hurry.

Rating: C-. I remember watching this match when I was a kid and it has always stuck with me. This wasn’t the start of a new story and it wasn’t going to go anywhere after the pin. What you got instead was a big star beating a lower level star, meaning neither of them are hurt. They kept it short and it was a watchable match, but it gave Rock something to do and Gangrel doesn’t lose anything (save for a match). Perfectly fine.

Post match the Rock says the WWF is trying to hold him back with people like Billy Gunn and Gangrel. He wants to be #1 contender and thinks it’s time to take matters into his own hands.

Howard Finkel is firing himself up because he’s “a warrior”.

Tori thinks Ivory has a humiliation fetish so let’s have an evening gown match on Smackdown. Yeah Smackdown debuts this Thursday and I believe this is the first mention of the show.

Here’s Howard Finkel to the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music to say that Chris Jericho is here to make this company better. There are some simpletons who don’t get it though, like the Road Dogg. Finkel calls Dogg out to explain what Y2J is all about. Cue Road Dogg, so Finkel shoves him a few times. That earns him a grab of the sweatshirt, but Chris Jericho comes through the crowd (after the full countdown) to beat Dogg down. Back to back powerbombs let Jericho pose on Dogg’s chest, complete with a C’MON BABY!

Billy Gunn is still looking for Chyna but HHH says don’t look too hard or you might find her.

Hardcore Holly is tired of his cousin Crash so he invites him to a battle of the super heavyweights.

Hardcore Holly vs. Crash Holly

Crash starts fast by dropkicking him out to the floor and they’re out in the crowd in a hurry. They wind up over by the sound equipment and then go backstage where both of them are whipped into various walls. Hardcore whips him into a ladder and they go outside to wrap this up. Not long enough to rate, but it wasn’t exactly a match anyway.

Steve Austin has suffered tendon and ligament damage in both knees thanks to HHH. Mankind comes in to say that HHH has done some stupid things in his quest to become a tough guy. He and Austin have never seen eye to eye but Austin has basically funded his retirement!

Al Snow is still distraught.

Mideon/Viscera vs. X-Pac/Kane

Paul Bearer, Big Show and Undertaker do commentary, including stealing Michael Cole’s headset. Lilian Garcia: “The following contest is scheduled for one round!” Mideon hammers on X-Pac to start so Kane comes in to take over instead. Cue the Acolytes down the ramp, with Undertaker calling them the phony tough and the crazy brave. Kane chokes Mideon on the mat as Bearer refers to himself as slender, with Undertaker not quite buying it.

Mideon manages to take him into the corner but Kane fights them off like they’re Mideon and Viscera. A Samoan drop puts Kane down for a good half second as he sits up, as Lawler asks if Big Show would ever stab Undertaker in the back. Undertaker: “King, you ever make another stupid comment like that and I’ll stab you in the face.” The hot tag brings in X-Pac to clean house with a Bronco Buster each. The Acolytes beat on Kane outside though, leaving Viscera to crush X-Pac behind. A splash is good enough to give Viscera the pin.

Rating: D+. That wasn’t the best one round match, if nothing else because they managed to have nine people involved in about four and a half minutes. That’s a very Russo deal, as he liked to have a lot of people running in and out, even if it might have been a bit much. You could have dropped either the Acolytes or the Undertaker/Big Show, but why do that when you can have EVERYONE?

Chris Jericho is thinking about giving Howard Finkel Smackdown.

Billy Gunn calls Chyna out for a less than friendly chat. Cue Chyna, with Gunn saying that he had a chance to be Intercontinental Champion, but she’s playing a game. Chyna says she isn’t playing and a brawl seems imminent, but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit Chyna with a guitar. Miss Kitty tries to give Jarrett another, only to have Gunn take it away and blast Jarrett instead.

We recap the WWF Title match being set up.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Mankind

HHH is challenging and the Rock joins commentary. Rock: “Who’s booking this crap?” Cue Shane McMahon in a referee’s shirt so the fix can be even further in. Mankind knocks him down into the corner to start and hits the running knee to the face. That’s not even good for a one, as Shane is too busy shouting at the Rock. Mankind whips out Mr. Socko to take out Shane but has to backdrop his way out of a Pedigree attempt.

That means HHH can get Socko as well but here is Chyna, who gets a sock of her own. A double arm DDT plants HHH for a delayed two so they head outside to keep brawling. HHH whips Mankind into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the steps for a nasty crash. Back in and a neckbreaker gives HHH two, followed by a hard toss into the post.

There’s the jumping knee to the face (Rock: “Mankind sucks.”) into the knee drop but Mankind fights out of the corner. A running clothesline gets two and the Cactus Clothesline does what the Cactus Clothesline does. Shane is back up with a chair to Mankind, followed by HHH charring Mankind and the Rock for a bonus. The second referee is taken out and it’s the Pedigree to give HHH the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was a brawl for the most part and that’s what it should have been. They needed to get to the HHH title reign somehow and that’s exactly what they did. Mankind didn’t feel like he had a chance to retain here and sometimes that is the right thing to do. This is the historic title change and it was the right time to do it.

The Peacock version include the Extra Attitude post show footage, including HHH going after Mankind again. Mankind fights back this time and Rock comes in to help beat up Shane. A double People’s Elbow connects and Rock goes up the ramp, leaving Mankind to hit his own People’s Elbow. Mankind joins Rock on stage and wants a hug but has to settle for a handshake. Rock comes back out, the two of them stare at HHH and Shane, and it’s another handshake into a hug. The villains get to pose on the stage to end the night.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the better remembered shows from this era as it felt like something important actually happened. You don’t get that very often in this era, as so many of the things that take place come and go in the span of a few hours. The shows still go by so fast and there are a lot of things that don’t work, but it was nice to have a show that felt like it mattered for once and that was the case here, making it a little bit better.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 17, 2017
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

For the first time in a good while we have a major announcement to look forward to. This week will see the reveal of whatever Kurt Angle’s big secret has been and there’s going to be someone here with him to reveal it. There are multiple rumors floating around about what it could be and it should be interesting to see which, if any, is accurate. Let’s get to it.

Long recap of the Angle situation.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Dean Ambrose with a chair to open things up. He goes off about his issues with Miz but here’s Seth Rollins to interrupt. Seth talks about everything he’s done with Miz as of late but Dean says he doesn’t want anyone’s help. Rollins’ question is if Ambrose will be in his way or by his side.

Dean talks about Rollins breaking up the Shield and how they were brothers. Seth actually apologizes for what he did, which he never did before. While it’s true that he turned on Ambrose and Roman Reigns, Seth remembers tearing into Ambrose inside the Cell. He still wants to have Dean with him but Ambrose isn’t convinced.

Seth has an idea though and turns his back on Dean, saying take as many shots with the chair as you need. Ambrose can’t do it so here are Miz and the Miztourage to interrupt. Miz laughs this off because neither of them have what it takes to do this on their own. The fight is on and the numbers get the better of Rollins and Ambrose. A series of chair shots leaves our heroes laying.

Miz and company leave in a hurry.

Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss

Non-title. Bliss slaps her in the face to start and gets driven into the corner for some aggressive stomping to send Bliss to the apron. Cue Nia Jax though and we take a break. Back with Bliss stomping away but missing a charge to send her outside. A Stunner over the ropes slows Bliss down (those Steve Austin show appearances paid off) and the top rope elbow makes things even worse. Bayley chases her to the floor but Jax cuts her off, allowing Bliss to take over. Cue Sasha to take out Jax though and it’s the Bayley to Belly to pin Bliss at 8:13.

Rating: C. I’m assuming we’re setting up Bayley vs. Banks for the #1 contenderdship or one of their beloved four ways because screw storytelling for a one on one match when you can just throw them all together. Bayley is being rebuilt but I wish they could come up with a way to do it besides pinning Bliss in back to back weeks.

Graves gets a text and bails.

Clip from the ESPY’s with a wrestling fan winning an award for courage. Stephanie also received an award at the Sports Humanitarian Awards. Guess which speech gets more time.

Video on Roman Reigns.

Angle is panicking and isn’t sure if he should do this. Graves says do it because it’s going to get out somehow anyway. That seems to convince Kurt.

We recap Akira Tozawa vs. Neville.

Titus O’Neil gives Titus Worldwide a pep talk. Ariya Daivari, who was in a match with Tozawa last week, comes in and challenges him for a rematch later tonight.

Brian Kendrick/Drew Gulak vs. Jack Gallagher/Mustafa Ali

Kendrick bails away from Gallagher to start so we’ll go with Drew instead. Jack works on the knees but Drew pops up and knocks Ali off the apron. One heck of a chop drops Gallagher for two but the headbutt puts Kendrick down. It’s off to Ali for the inverted 450 and the pin at 2:35.

Here’s Enzo Amore for a chat. He knows he lost at Great Balls of Fire but he knows you have to keep getting up if you believe in what you’re fighting for. He’s not done with Big Cass, who may be much bigger and stronger but Enzo has the heart. Cass threw him fourteen feet to the floor but Enzo got back up and kept going. They were friends for years with Enzo making sure Cass stuck with it because Cass is S-A-W-F-T like a big comfy couch.

Cue Cass to chase Enzo off because Enzo says he’s smarter than the average bear. Enzo grabs a seat in the crowd with an Enzo fan to watch this. Cue Big Show for a brawl but Cass kicks him in the face. The fight is on with Show getting the better of it via a hard chop to the chest. Cass sends him into the post twice in a row though and Show’s ribs are hurt. Kicks to the ribs make them even worse and Show is down. Enzo tries to come in and eats a big boot for his efforts. This was another well done Cass segment as I’m very glad they didn’t have Show chase him off. Let Cass look dominant and then win the match. It’s that simple.

Reigns says tonight is all that matters because he wants Lesnar at Summerslam.

Ambrose and Rollins are banged up but still want Miz and company. Angle comes in and offers them a tag match with any two of the three next week. Dean says let’s just make it all three in a handicap match so Angle agrees.

Elias Samson is ready to sing about Nashville but Finn Balor cuts him off.

Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson

Cole tells a story about Elias following NXT around Florida and eventually getting arrested for loitering, only to have Dusty Rhodes bail him out. Graves is of course livid about the story, only to have Elias slam Balor into the corner to cut them off. Balor fights up without too much effort but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Finn comes back again and takes it outside for the running dropkick into the barricade, only to have Samson BLAST him with the guitar for the DQ at 5:05.

Rating: D+. This was more of an angle than a match though I still wonder why Balor is stuck with Samson. Elias has been better than I was expecting but sweet goodness Balor is a former World Champion and one of the best talents on the roster. Why is he stuck in this midcard feud instead of fighting for the Intercontinental Title at worst?

Bray Wyatt pops up on screen to say Balor didn’t see that coming. Wyatt feels the need to hurt Balor and brings up the Irish mythology. Bray isn’t just a myth though and promises to bring his full powers against Finn. He’ll even enjoy it.

Video on Samoa Joe.

Angle is on the phone when Bayley and Sasha come in, both wanting to fight Bliss at Summerslam. Kurt makes a #1 contenders match between the two of them for next week.

The announcers preview Battleground.

We look back at the Revival attacking the Hardys last week.

Revival attacked the Hardys just because they’re the Hardys. No one has flipped around more than the Hardys so it’s time to use some fists on them.

Akira Tozawa vs. Ariya Daivari

The ropes are still red here. Daivari dedicates this match to an Iranian gold medalist from the 2016 Olympics. Tozawa starts fast but bangs up his shoulder to give Daivari a target. The shoulder is sent hard into the corner and Daivari talks a lot of trash, only to get caught in a hurricanrana. A Codebreaker to the arm gives Daivari two and the shoulder goes into the corner again. That’s enough for Titus who tells the referee to stop it at 2:56.

Tozawa is livid and says Titus never cared about him.

Here’s Angle for the announcement. Everyone is supporting him in this decision and he’s glad to get this off his chest. When he was in college he was dating a woman but then they broke up. Then nine months later, she had a child, which Kurt didn’t find out until recently. It turns out that the kid was a very talented athlete who had several offers to play various sports.

Instead he went to college and earned a degree, followed by pursuing a career in professional wrestling. That son is now a WWE superstar and the newest member of the Raw roster. His name is……Jason Jordan! Jason comes out and hugs Kurt several times but nothing is said.

Revival vs. Hardy Boyz

It’s a brawl to start with Revival bailing to the floor before the bell. We officially get going with Matt headlocking Dawson down, only to get pummeled by Wilder. Matt does his ten rams into each buckle and everything breaks down with the Hardys cleaning house again. They even bust out the Spin Cycle (picking up someone by the arms and legs from the mat and flipping them from their face onto their back), which Booker calls new, though it’s really just brought out of mothballs.

Back from a break with Matt in trouble and Dawson putting on a standing leglock. Wilder gets in some leg work of his own but Dawson is kicked outside, allowing the hot tag to Jeff. A quick splash gets two but Matt has to save his brother from the Shatter Machine. The Twisting Stunner gives Jeff two more, only to have Wilder crotch him to break up the Swanton. Dawson grabs a rollup and jeans for the pin at 13:21.

Rating: C+. The right team won and that’s what matters more than anything else. The Hardys don’t need to win much of anything at this point so having them put over a team like the Revival is best for everyone involved. On top of that it was a good match and that’s just scratching Revival’s surface.

Samoa Joe gives a very intense interview about being ready to beat Roman Reigns again because it gives him another shot at Brock.

Video on a Special Olympian who is in the front row.

Tozawa is in Titus’ locker room and repeats that he didn’t quit. Titus can accept Tozawa being mad at him but Tozawa needs to understand that Titus was looking out for his future. Tozawa seems to accept it but wants a match with Daivari tomorrow night on 205 Live.

Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns

Winner gets Lesnar at Summerslam. They trade shoulders to start and it’s Joe being knocked outside as we take an early break. Back with Joe hitting his enziguri in the corner and we’re off to the neck crank. That eats up a long time until Reigns fights up and hits a running clothesline for two. That’s some of Reigns’ only significant offense so far as this has been almost all Joe in the first half.

They head outside with Joe clotheslining him so hard that Reigns lands on the apron. Reigns hits a clothesline of his own to put both guys down as we take another break. Back with Joe talking trash until Reigns comes back with a Samoan drop. One heck of a boot to the face drops Joe again but he’s right back up and blocking a belly to back suplex.

The Rock Bottom is broken up and there’s the Superman Punch for two. With both guys down, cue the returning Braun Strowman to pull Joe out and beat up Reigns for the no contest (though it should be a DQ victory for Joe, who was the first one to be touched) at about 19:00.

Rating: B-. This was definitely the kind of match where they were filling in time until the storyline ending and there’s nothing wrong with that. Neither guy was pinned and it was pretty even when Strowman came in. This is likely setting up what could be a very interesting four way at Summerslam and I’m ok with that.

Reigns and Joe beat on Strowman but both eventually fall victim to powerslams.

Overall Rating: C+. I dug this episode more than most weeks and that’s a good sign. The Angle announcement felt short but big while the main event felt big but long and ultimately meaningless given how things ended. I still liked the show tonight though, which isn’t something I get to say that often. If nothing else they’ve announced THREE matches for next week, which might be a modern day record. Nice show here and better than several they’ve done in recent weeks.

Results

Bayley b. Alexa Bliss – Bayley to Belly

Jack Gallagher/Mustafa Ali b. Brian Kendrick/Drew Gulak – Inverted 450 to Kendrick

Finn Balor b. Elias Samson via DQ when Samson hit him with a guitar

Ariya Daivari b. Akira Tozawa via referee stoppage

Revival b. Hardy Boyz – Rollup with a handful of jeans

Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe went to a no contest when Braun Strowman interfered

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 22, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

There are two weeks left before Bound For Glory and a lot of the card has been filled in. Tonight we have the two semifinal matches in the Grand Championship tournament and more of the build towards Ethan Carter III vs. Lashley for the TNA World Title. We’re to the point where everything is about setting up the pay per view so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley and Moose brawling to end last week’s show until Ethan Carter III came out for the save.

Grand Championship Title Tournament Semifinals: Drew Galloway vs. Eddie Edwards

Josh tries to get “Scottish Dragon” over as Drew’s latest nickname. It’s better than the Leonidas of TNA. Drew chops away to start but Eddie backflips out of a suplex and kicks Drew out to the floor. The suicide dive connects, only to have Drew pop back up with a tilt-a-whirl slam onto the apron. Drew rolls some suplexes for two before getting in some right hands to “break down the guard” to end the first round.

Drew wins the first round so Eddie scores with a running clothesline to start the second round. A super hurricanrana gets two on Galloway and Eddie ties him in the Tree of Woe, only to have Drew sit up into a belly to belly superplex. The Boston Knee Party sends Drew outside and back to back suicide dives has Eddie in full control to end the second round.

Eddie wins the second round to tie it up and starts fast by going after the knee. That’s reversed into the Iron Maiden but Eddie reverses into one of his own. Eddie shifts over into some leg holds so Drew kicks him in the face. That’s one way to do it. They chop it out with Drew getting the better of it and hitting a Razor’s Edge buckle bomb. Eddie gets an enziguri but walks into the Futureshock for two as time expires at 10:17.

Rating: B-. And that’s why I don’t like this tournament structure. This was one of the better matches TNA had put on in a few weeks if not months but the stupid rounds and time limit made sure that they couldn’t keep going because we need to end this match at nine minutes. To be fair though, how else are we going to get in more vignettes of Vanguard I and Senor Benjamin playing chess?

The judges give it to Drew on a split decision. Again, the points aren’t actually mentioned and they would have the same result if they just had the judges vote on a winner instead of giving numbers. But hey, why do what makes sense when you can make it more complicated?

Post match Drew says his match will be the real main event of Bound For Glory because nothing can follow him. This brings out Ethan Carter III, who doesn’t like Drew suggesting that he’s the better man. Drew thinks it’s interesting how Ethan comes out on his feet all the time and offers him a Grand Championship shot. As Drew leaves, Ethan says he can beat Drew anywhere anytime but here’s Lashley to interrupt. Mike Bennett runs in from behind to beat on Drew and it’s a double beatdown. Cue Moose but the good guys are left laying.

Allie is trying to find people to help with Maria Kanellis’ public workout but Maria comes up to yell at her again.

Aron Rex and Eli Drake are ready for their semifinal match.

Bennett asks Lashley if they’re friends but Lashley says he has no friends. Mike thinks he can get a title shot by beating Moose but Lashley stares him down.

Grand Championship Title Tournament Semifinals: Aron Rex vs. Eli Drake

Before the bell, Drake tells Rex to stay off the mic because he can’t hang at this level. Rex laughs off the insults and says he’s going to tell the tale of Eli Drake. Eli is the offspring of an out of work Chippendale dancer and a Muppet and has bad taste in knee pads. That’s a little rude but not exactly Drake was probably more insulting. Rex needs to stick with being smart and not trying to be a Rock knockoff.

They trade headlocks to start as it’s a very simple first minute. Rex’s Russian legsweep looks to set up the Wind-Up Elbow but Drew bails to the floor. A sideslam looks to set up the Edgecator on Drake but the first round wraps up. Round one goes to Rex but he still can’t get the Edgecator to start the second.

Drake pops him in the jaw a few times and grabs a chinlock, which really isn’t the best idea in a match this short. A jumping neckbreaker gets two on Aron and Drake pounds him down to end the second round. Drake wins the second and Rex is in trouble to start the final round. Not that it matters as Rex hits his discus punch (the Revelator) for the pin at 8:43.

Rating: C. This wasn’t too bad and yet again the time limit really hurt things. We’ve spent the better part of a month setting up a final that’s going to have a nine minute time limit for a big fight between people who want to hurt each other. Drake deserves a bit better than this but at least they’re giving a rub to someone with potential.

Decay promises to destroy the Hardys in the Great War but they catch Vanguard I spying on them. A Senor Benjamin hologram pops up to laugh at them as Vanguard I flies away.

Rex is talking about his win when Galloway pops up to say he’ll win, though Aron disagrees.

We see a man walking to his car and talking about his past being behind. He gets in his car and the reveal is Cody Rhodes (just Cody here), who will debut at Bound For Glory.

Here’s Decay with a message for the Hardys. Rosemary says the Great War will be the end of every last Hardy. More destruction is promised until Matt Hardy appears in the crowd to say this is a world of magic. The battlefield for the Great War will be the entire world so Matt can delete the title reign. Jeff shows up to say they’ll twist Decay’s fate and Abyss will no longer be beautiful, Steve won’t be crazy and Rosemary won’t be rosy anymore. The lights go out and come back up to reveal Steve and Abyss tied to the ropes. Reby shows up to spear Rosemary but she can’t get a Twist of Fate. Reby promises to take care of her soon.

Ethan Carter III and Moose fire each other up.

X-Division Champion DJZ comes out and issues an open challenge for a title match.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee

Lee is challenging and starts fast with a slam to work on DJZ’s back. The champ fights back and sends Lee outside for a big flip dive to take out Lee and Andrew Everett. Back in and a middle rope back elbow to the jaw rocks Lee, followed by a springboard hurricanrana. The ZDT retains the title at 3:45.

Rating: C-. So much for the X-Division being revitalized. This was just like most X-Division matches you’ve seen in the last few years: no reason for it to happen other than “let’s have a match”, nothing special for wrestling, almost no time and the same people fighting for the title that have been fighting for it since I can remember. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s really lazy storytelling.

Post match Everett and Lee (they’re still the Helms Dynasty despite Helms not being around in months) beat on DJZ until Eddie Edwards makes the save. Edwards asks for a title match next week and DJZ says it’s on.

Maria yells at Allie for being stupid like Gail Kim. Allie is crushed, again.

Here are Maria, Allie and Sienna for Maria’s public workout. Maria yells at Allie and tells her to get out of the camera shot because no one wants to see her. Sienna deserves a title shot but isn’t going to get one tonight. An unnamed opponent comes out and gets beaten up by Sienna, allowing Maria to get the first pin in about thirty seconds. Allie doesn’t have a second opponent because she already found the easiest opponent she could. Maria berates her again so here’s a woman in all black, including a mask. Yeah I think you know where this one is going.

The masked woman easily takes Maria to the mat and reveals herself as Gail Kim. Sienna comes in for the save but Gail beats her down too and sends the other heels running. There’s an interesting story here, assuming you completely remove Gail from the match. Every part of this looks to be setting up Allie taking the title from Maria but no, let’s have Gail Kim get the title shot instead. Maybe Maria retains anyway and loses to Allie down the road but that should be at the pay per view, not some TV match later on.

Same Cody vignette from earlier. They really couldn’t film two of these?

We run down the Bound For Glory card.

Ethan Carter III/Moose vs. Lashley/Mike Bennett

Bennett drops to the floor at the opening bell so Lashley gets beaten down by both opponents. We take a break about a minute in and come back with Bennett hitting a cutter for two on Carter. Bennett sends Carter into the corner but punches Lashley by mistake. The hot tag brings in Moose and everything breaks down. Carter grabs a quick rollup to pin Bennett at 8:35.

Rating: D. What the heck was that? Most of this was in the commercial and the ending felt like it was out of nowhere. Carter vs. Lashley and Bennett vs. Moose don’t feel like big matches and that’s a really bad sign for two of the top three matches at the biggest show of the year. Not good here and not a good way to set things up.

Post match Lashley and Carter brawl with wrestlers and referees barely able to hold them back. Cue Billy Corgan to say that’s not how this is going down. Next week we’re starting Bound For Glory early with Team Lashley vs. Team Carter with the winning team getting to pick the stipulations for the title match. Oh and let’s just make it Lethal Lockdown. You know, because THE BIGGEST GIMMICK MATCH TNA HAS SHOULD BE USED TO SET UP ANOTHER MATCH.

Overall Rating: C. This show did its job of helping to build a lot of stuff at Bound For Glory but it’s still not the most interesting stuff in the world. Nothing on the card feels like a must see match and that’s not how you want the biggest show of the year to go. Lashley vs. Carter has been done before and I’m really not excited about seeing them fight again. It’s better than what they’ve done in recent years but this is really not doing much for me right now.

Results

Drew Galloway b. Eddie Edwards via judges’ decision

Aron Rex b. Eli Drake – Revelator

DJZ b. Trevor Lee – ZDT

Ethan Carter III/Moose b. Lashley/Mike Bennett – Rollup to Bennett

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 1, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

The countdown to Bound For Glory 2016 continues as we have five more weeks before the biggest show of the year. Things have changed a bit coming out of last week as Drew Galloway has turned heel by attacking Aron Rex, likely setting up Rex’s first feud and a Bound For Glory match. Let’s get to it.

We open with Reby (who looks like Matt from behind) and the Hardys playing the piano and singing the Obsolete song. Even Senor Benjamin, Vanguard One and Maxill get in on the sing a long. Maxill’s piano playing give Matt a pre-mo-nition that the battle with Decay will take place here at the Hardy Compound instead of at the Zone of Impact. Matt is worried but Reby has a sword to protect herself and Maxill.

In the arena (and out of that insanity), Mike Bennett and Maria are here for a chat. Mike is here to complete his kingdom of miracles by winning the World Title tonight. He’s so successful because he surrounds himself with people like Maria and Moose, who Mike would like to come down to settle things. Instead here’s Lashley to say he doesn’t have to fake confidence like Bennett does.

Lashley is so confident that he’s willing to let tonight’s title match be No DQ. Bennett thinks Lashley is jealous of Moose and doesn’t believe that they went to dinner last week. The champ says they did go to dinner (Are we on a Disney sitcom?) and maybe Lashley smartened him up a bit. Moose comes out to say he’s let his actions do the talking and tonight he’ll determine who wins the title. Bennett takes that as Moose saying he’ll win but Moose says not so fast before leaving.

Matt Hardy vs. Crazzy Steve

They look at each other to start because both of them are a bit insane. Steve dropkicks the knee out and we hit the chinlock. The fight goes outside with the fans telling Matt to DELETE him. So they want Steve to join Matt’s team? Jeff hits Steve with a boot a few times and the Twist of Fate puts Steve away at 4:20.

Rating: D. I’m very bored with the Hardys anytime they’re just having matches. The gimmick is so insane that it’s entertaining at times and the second Final Deletion (you know that’s coming) should be fun but the actual wrestling is just Matt and Jeff looking old and boring. Steve continues to be more of a character than good but he works well with Abyss so that’s a step up.

Post match Steve gets the mic and says Decay is at the Hardy Compound and Maxill is now Rosemary’s baby.

The X-Division guys try to explain the X-Division and basically say it’s about being fearless. So we can expect Nikki Bella showing up when?

After a break, Matt calls Reby (with his phone actually saying Broken Matt Hardy) but she doesn’t answer. The camera in the Hardy Compound shows Rosemary looking at Maxill.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett vs. Mandrews vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Rockstar Spud

The title is vacant coming in and this is a gauntlet match, meaning people are added at fixed intervals but you can pull the title down at any time. Trevor Lee and DJZ start things off and they slug it out for a bit before pulling each other down. Andrew Everett is in third and the time intervals seem to be two and a half minutes. DJZ gets double teamed so the Helms Dynasty (minus Helms showing up lately) goes up at the same time.

A knee to DJZ’s head knocks him silly but here’s Mandrews to break up the title grab attempt. Mandrews gets thrown off the top though and we take a break. Back with a replay package of what we saw before the commercial instead of what we missed. Braxton Sutter entered during the break and here’s Rockstar Spud to complete the field but it’s still too early to get the title with Sutter making the save.

We hit the big streak of dives before people get back in, only to be thrown out or knocked down seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about here as it’s just one move or spot after another with nothing in between. Spud uses a chair to knock Sutter off the cables but it’s the Helms Dynasty going up and grabbing the title at at the same time. No one comes down with it though so DJZ springboards in and pulls the title down to win at 16:23.

Rating: C+. I’m sure this is the revitalization that the X-Division has been needing for years now and that this will be different than the other half dozen times they’ve promised it’s not going to be left by the wayside again. The same problems they always have still apply here: no characters, no storylines other than they all want the title and get thrown together into one match and nothing we haven’t seen before. Fix some of those things and give us an actual story and the division might go somewhere.

Ethan Carter III is talking about his match last week when Eli Drake comes up to challenge him to a match tonight.

Drew Galloway promises an explanation.

We look at Allie accidentally winning the Knockouts Title last week.

Here’s Drew Galloway to explain his actions from last week. Drew says you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. He’s been asking why he stood up for TNA when he first arrived and he’s not sure. When he won the World Title, the celebration went on for a week. Then Ethan Carter http://ambienbuy.net screwed him over three straight times but the fans cheered for him. Then Aron Rex showed up and said the same things he said in his debut but the fans were cheering for him anyway.

Rex wants to be the next Drew Galloway so Drew has to teach him a few things. This brings out Billy Corgan to say Drew’s actions should earn him a suspension without pay but a little bird told him not to do it. Drew accuses Corgan of becoming the establishment and doing everything Dixie Carter tells him. Actually it was Rex who kept Drew from being suspended and here he is for the brawl but security quickly breaks it up. This was good stuff and Rex looked like a star who was on Drew’s level.

Reby answers the phone and Matt says the match tonight was just a setup. She and Maxill will go to the safe room but Vanguard One tells Matt that Rosemary is already there.

Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake

Drake is nice enough to spell his name out before they head to the floor with Ethan in control. Back in and Drake takes over with your standard heel offense (I love listening to him talk but his wrestling isn’t great) and escapes the TK3 attempt. A chinlock doesn’t go very far and the second TK3 attempt connects just fine. The 1%er is enough for the pin on Drake at 6:00.

Rating: D+. Not much to this one but there’s nothing wrong with that. This was a main eventer beating a midcarder who got in some offense before losing. That’s a simple booking plan and it works just fine with the big name getting a win over someone with credibility and the midcarder not losing any status because he was fighting a bigger star.

Allie is very excited about her title win and doesn’t mind Maria making her plan her own celebration.

Reby tells Matt to get back here now. Senor Benjamin is holding Maxill.

DJZ celebrates his title win and says he’s ready to defend it.

Here’s Allie for her title celebration. Before she can get anywhere, here are Maria and Sienna to interrupt. Maria sends Sienna to the back and yells at Allie for thinking this is actually about her. Allie screws everything up and couldn’t even get the right color balloons here. This celebration is for Allie’s opponent and Allie needs to lay down right now.

Knockouts Title: Maria Kanellis vs. Allie

Allie lays down and Maria is the new champion in three seconds.

Allie has to fight back tears as she announces Maria as the new champion.

Bennett tries to talk Moose into doing the right thing and hands him a pipe. Moose thinks about it.

Rosemary torments Reby but Senor Benjamin gets Maxill out. Reby tells Benjamin to prepare the field for battle.

TNA World Title: Mike Bennett vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending and this is no DQ. The champ leapfrogs Bennett and does the delayed vertical suplex but here’s Moose to offer a distraction as we take a break. Back with Bennett in control and kicking Lashley in the face. Maria hits Lashley in the head with the cast and the Knockouts Title but Lashley shrugs it off and suplexes Bennett for a breather. A torture rack (good move for Lashley) has Mike in trouble and a spinebuster makes it even worse. Maria breaks up the spear but Moose won’t give Mike the pipe. The distraction allows the spear to connect to retain the title at 10:59.

Rating: C-. This was much more storyline development than an important match, which shouldn’t be the case for a World Title match. Moose turning on Bennett this soon could be interesting but it’s not like they’ve really been a unit long enough to give this much of an impact. Bennett never felt like a threat to the title here and that’s not a good sign.

Post match Bennett yells at Moose and calls him a failed football player. Bennett slaps him in the face so Moose clotheslines Mike’s head off to end the show.

Next week: Decay goes to Cameron. That’s right: FINAL DELETION II!

Overall Rating: D+. I had forgotten how annoying it was to have the show cut back to the Hardy shenanigans every few minutes. It’s not so much the story that gets annoying (though it can) but more the fact that they’ll have something like eight segments (some very short) in two hours. You could stretch this stuff out for weeks but instead we see every few minutes and it’s really easy to get burned out.

The rest of the show was just kind of there. The X-Division Title match was your standard showcase that isn’t likely to lead anywhere, the main event was fine and…..what else really happened here? Rex and Galloway brawled, we had a nothing match between Drake and Carter (it was fine enough) and we have Maria vs. Gail set up in a match that we’ve known was coming for months. I’m not sure why we’re getting it but after all the time they’ve put into it they have to give it to us. This show wasn’t terrible but it got tiresome by the end, mainly due to the constant Hardy segments wearing me down.

Results

Matt Hardy b. Crazzy Steve – Twist of Fate

DJZ b. Mandrews, Rockstar Spud, Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Braxton Sutter – DJZ pulled down the title

Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake – 1%er

Maria Kanellis b. Allie – Allie laid down

Lashley b. Mike Bennett – Spear

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Summerslam 2000
Date: August 27, 2000
Location: Raleigh Entertainment and Sports Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 18,124
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another show that I barely remember at all. A lot has changed since last time and it’s dramatically changed the card. To begin with, Austin is out with neck surgery and Rock has ascended to the top of the company. He’ll be defending the title tonight against HHH and upstart star Kurt Angle, a real Olympic gold medalist. On top of that, four guys called the Radicalz have jumped to the WWF, basically burying WCW in the process. The card is stacked on this show so let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about crimes of passion, which refers to Angle trying to steal Stephanie from HHH. The video is set up like an old art house movie and is set to HHH’s old music (Ode to Joy). Rock is involved too but looks like an afterthought. It’s amazing how good these videos can be when someone actually tries, unlike today’s generic hype videos.

JR brags about the gate, which is WEIRD to hear on a WWF show.

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Too Cool and Rikishi are WAY over at this point and even won the tag titles over the summer. The RTC is Richards/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan at this point. Some of Goodfather’s former women come out with Rikishi, one of which would become known as Victoria. It’s a big brawl to start until we get Scotty pounding on Buchanan. Hotty backflips over Buchanan and pulls him down before getting two off a high cross body. Off to Sexay for a double suplex before Goodfather comes in and falls to the floor. He shoves Victoria down before punching Sexay in the face to take over.

Buchanan gets in some shots of his own and it’s off to Richards for his cheap shots. A powerbomb gets two and JR sounds stunned. Steven gets crotched on top and superplexed down allowing for the hot tag to Rikishi. The fat man cleans house and Victoria throws Richards back in the ring. The RTC is sent into the corner with Too Cool being launched into all of them at once, but Bull gets in a quick ax kick to take the Samoan down. Scotty loads up the Worm but Steven kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic six man tag here to get the crowd going. A fast paced act like Too Cool and Rikishi is always a great choice to start up a show as the crowd gets fired up for the entrance and hopefully stays hot for the rest of the show. The RTC was a fine choice for a heel stable as they took away what the fans wanted to see and the people were glad to see them get beaten up.

We see Angle arriving earlier tonight with Stephanie arriving a few minutes later. Later on Kurt went into her locker room with a smile on his face. Angle kissed Stephanie on Smackdown after Stephanie was hurt in a match.

Shane is about to talk about his sister’s actions but Steve Blackman chases him away.

X-Pac vs. Road Dogg

These are the last members of DX but Pac accidentally knocked Dogg through a table on Raw so Dogg walked out on Pac on Smackdown, leaving him alone against Undertaker. X-Pac easily takes him down and slaps Dogg in the back of the head because he can. The fans are all over X-Pac as he is sent to the floor via a shoulder block. Back in and Dogg blocks a spinwheel kick and clotheslines Pac down for no cover. Another kick sends Dogg into the corner but he rolls away from a Bronco Buster attempt.

Back in again and Pac tries a sleeper which shifts into a chinlock. Roadie fights out but this time the spin kick connects for two. There’s the Bronco Buster but Dogg pops up and fires off right hands to take over. The shaky knee drop gets two but the pumphandle slam is countered into the X-Factor which is countered into a spinebuster. Pac counters another pumphandle slam attempt with a low blow and the X- Factor is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This had no business being on PPV at all. It wasn’t even five minutes long and no one liked X-Pac at this point anyway. DX was LONG passed its expiration date at this point and it needed to die a long time ago. Dogg would be gone soon into the new year to hit the inside for awhile.

Post match X-Pac says they’re still a great team but Dogg lays him out with the pumphandle slam. That wasn’t a heel turn because of the low blow earlier.

Eddie sucks up to Chyna (basically in a bikini here) but she says one of them is getting lucky tonight.

Trish says she’s hotter than Chyna but Val Venis doesn’t want to hear about it. Trish was still new at this point and drop dead gorgeous.

Intercontinental Title: Trish Stratus/Val Venis vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chyna

Val is champion and the first fall here gets the title, other than Trish that is. Trish’s little white shorts get a BIG pop as you would expect. The guys start things off with Eddie speeding things up and hitting a jumping back elbow for two. A snap suplex gets the same and Guerrero escapes a powerbomb before clotheslining Val down. Eddie catches Val’s kick to the ribs and whips him around into a Chyna clothesline.

A double flapjack puts Venis down for two and Chyna hits another clothesline for two. Trish tries to get in a cheap shot but the distraction allows Val to take over. A LOUD Chyna chant starts up but Val suplexes her down for two. Chyna avoids a middle rope elbow but her powerbomb is countered with a backdrop. Instead Chyna takes him down with a DDT and it’s back to Eddie to clean house. A springboard hurricanrana gets two on the champion but

Val drops him face first onto the buckle and puts Eddie down with a Blue Thunder Bomb. They headbutt each other to put both guys down but Trish tags herself in and gets two on Eddie. Jerry tries to give the blonde pointers but Eddie easily takes Trish down. Off to Chyna and the mauling is on, but Val breaks up the handspring elbow attempt. Chyna avoids a double team and Eddie pulls Val to the floor, allowing Chyna to gorilla press Trish for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing but the girls looked good enough to carry it. This would be another part of a long storyline as Eddie would cost Chyna the title in about two weeks, accidentally stealing it for himself. Val would split with Trish after this and join up with the Right to Censor for the next few months. Not much to see here other than Trish in the shorts.

Video on Radio WWF from last night with Cole and Foley hosting. This was an idea that didn’t last long at all for obvious reasons. Foley did some dancing (on the radio), Rock called in and the Rock and Sock Connection wound up singing Smackdown Hotel in a segment that only they could pull off.

Stephanie and her bad acting is wondering what she thinks about Kurt. She says he’s a good kisser.

We recap Lawler vs. Tazz. It’s about what you would expect: Tazz talked about being a thug, Lawler didn’t like it, Tazz went after JR but Lawler stepped in, Tazz broke a candy jaw over Jerry’s face and smashed the window of a car JR was in, injuring his eye. Let’s have a match.

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Tazz comes out with a cowboy hat and a blind man’s cane to really rub in the idea. He takes too long though as Lawler jumps him with a right hand to get us going. They head inside and a dropkick puts Tazz down and follows up with a bunch of right hands to the head. There’s the middle rope punch but a second attempt only hits mat.

Tazz hits some forearms to the back as JR calls him a jackass. Lawler is whipped to the floor so Tazz can talk trash to JR. Back in and Tazz hits what might have been a low blow and goes up for a swanton bomb of all things but Lawler moves. The piledriver connects but Tazz no sells it and the referee is bumped. There’s the Tazzmission on Lawler but JR gets up and smashes the candy jar over Tazz’s head to give Lawler the pin.

Rating: D. What do you expect here? It’s a nothing match which had no business on Summerslam but that’s par for the course a lot of the time. Lawler is harmless enough and at least the win wasn’t clean. Tazz came in so hot but has done almost nothing of note since his debut at the Rumble.

We’re about fifty minutes into this show and it’s been pretty lame stuff so far. Nothing on here couldn’t have been on Raw.

Shane runs from Blackman again but it’s time for his match.

Hardcore Title: Shane McMahon vs. Steve Blackman

Shane took the title from Blackman with the help of a small army on Monday. Steve brings in a kendo stick so Shane runs to the apron. They throw the stick back and forth until Blackman offers him a free shot to the back. Shane picks up the stick but Blackman spins around to block it, starting a chase through the crowd. Blackman finally catches him with a trashcan shot and the beating begins. Shane gets caught in the crowd and some chops to the chest put him down.

We head back to ringside and a bicycle kick to the chest puts Shane down. A trashcan lid shot to the knees puts Shane down and a spinning shot to the back of the head does the same. We bring in more weapons now with trashcans and the hardcore sticks. The can goes over Shane’s head and pounds away with the sticks as JR makes Conan O’Brien references of all things. Blackman hits his belly to back suplex with the sticks (his finisher) but opts to throw Blackman around with a strap instead.

A snapmare off the top with the strap puts Shane down and Blackman puts on a half crab while pulling on the throat with the strap at the same time. This brings out T&A (Test and Albert) for the save and Test drops a top rope elbow onto the can lid onto Blackman’s chest. Shane starts his dancing punches but Blackman kicks the cane lid into his head. Albert takes Steve down again and Shane drops Blackman with a sign to the face.

They go up to the entrance with Test shoving what looked like a speaker over onto Blackman but Steve avoids to prevent death. Blackman finds a kendo stick to take the big guys down but Shane gets in a cheap shot. He runs away and climbs up the set like a crazy man and Blackman goes after him. They go WAY up into the air with Blackman hitting Shane in the back with the stick, knocking him probably thirty feet down onto a crash pad. Blackman climbs down a bit before dropping a big elbow to take the title back.

Rating: B-. Well that woke up the crowd a bit. The dives at the end looked GREAT with Shane continuing to prove that he’s a crazy man. Blackman never came close to this level again because he was just so boring, but this was quite a moment for him. The stuff before the wild part was better than I expected and this was the first match that felt like it belonged on a major show.

Stephanie is freaking out about Shane when Angle comes in. She freaks out so Kurt hugs her but Foley comes in to interrupt. He takes Stephanie with him to check on Shane, leaving Angle annoyed.

We recap Jericho vs. Benoit. Pick a reason for them to be fighting and you have a good feud here. In this case, Benoit has been attacking Jericho and injured his ribs so Jericho retaliated, setting up a back and forth battle with Jericho coming up with an awesome series of rhymes (“I will fight Benoit on a boat or when Chris Benoit is with a goat. I will fight Benoit when he is taking a quiz, and I will make him look like the jackass that he is.”)

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

This is 2/3 falls just to make it more fun. It’s a big brawl to start with both guys falling to the floor and taking the referee with them. Jericho pounds away at him but charges at Benoit and getting launched into the post. Back in and Benoit takes him down but neither guy can hook their finisher. Jericho hits a release German for two but gets caught in a tombstone shoulder breaker for two. A bulldog puts Benoit down but Benoit gets the knees up and puts on the Crossface for a tapout at a little over three minutes.

Benoit goes right back to the Crossface but Jericho FINALLY makes the rope. Benoit gets back up and puts him in the Tree of Woe to crank on the neck even more. Jericho’s shoulder is sent into the post both on the outside and back inside for two. Benoit sends him into the post yet again but Jericho finally gets in a shot to the face to escape. The comeback is short lived though as Benoit grabs him into a German suplex but Jericho rolls through another one into the Walls in the middle of the ring for the submission at around eight and a half minutes to tie it up.

Jericho gets a quick two off a backbreaker before firing off some HARD chops. A top rope back elbow to Benoit’s jaw gets two but the arm gives off on a powerbomb attempt. Benoit backdrops out of it but Jericho hands on and tries a backslide but Benoit counters into a dragon suplex for two.

Benoit goes up top but gets caught in a great hurricanrana to put both guys down as Jericho landed on his shoulder again. Back up and Jericho hits the flying forearm followed by a spinwheel kick but Benoit grabs the bottom rope at two. The Lionsault connects but Jericho hurts his shoulder again. He grabs a rollup but Benoit counters into one of his own with a grab of the ropes for the pin.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was awesome. Benoit and Jericho could wrestle for an hour a night every night and it would never get boring. Both guys looked great and the arm told a great story to center the match around. This is a big reason why the WWF was so hot this year: you could take any combination of these guys and Angle and have a great match on any show.

HHH arrives over 80 minutes into the show.

We recap the HHH/Stephanie/Angle stuff.

We recap the tag title match. It’s called tables, ladders and chairs. I think that sums it up perfectly well don’t you?

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending coming in. The Boyz all battle in the ring to start but the Canadians bring in chairs. The Hardyz take them away but Bubba knocks one back into Jeff’s face. Edge and Christian get in some shots with the chairs to put everyone down and it’s ladder time. Bubba slams the ladder into Edge’s face and DDT’s Christian down as the fans want tables. Matt and Jeff come back in to powerbomb Bubba down and a second ladder is brought in.

Matt and D-Von climb up but it’s Edge climbing up as well to bring them down with a double Russian legsweep. Bubba and Christian climb up and it’s a Bubba Bomb to bring the champion back down. The fans LOVED that one for obvious reasons. Matt shoves down both ladders but Jeff sets one up and climbs for the gold. Edge pulls him down and drops him onto the other ladder, sending it flying up into Matt’s face in a painful spot.

The Conchairto misses Jeff and it’s Bubba picking up the ladder to run everyone over. What’s Up to Edge off the ladder pops the crowd a lot but the GET THE TABLES line gets them even louder. A 3D puts Christian through the table and Bubba wants to kill someone. He and D-Von stack up four tables (two by two) outside the ring and Jeff is their target. Edge saves him with a chair for some reason but Matt lays out Edge with the Twist of Fate.

Both Hardys drop legs from the ladder and Matt lays the ladder down next to Edge. Matt puts Edge inside the ladder and crushes him inside of it before throwing Christian off the top and onto the ladder, destroying Edge even worse. Jeff climbs a ladder outside the ring and tries a Swanton to Bubba but only hits the tables, knocking Jeff out cold. Christian knocks Bubba silly with a chair on the floor to put him down.

Back in the ring and the big ladder is set up with everyone but Bubba and Jeff going up. Christian hits the reverse DDT to pull Matt down and the other two go down at the same time. It’s a drunk looking Bubba coming back in and climbing the ladder but Edge and Christian gets up and shoves him through the four tables at ringside. The champions both climb but here’s Lita to shove the ladder over, crotching them both on the top rope.

Matt goes up but D-Von shoves the ladder backwards, sending Matt back first through a pair of tables in a SCARY bump. Edge spears Lita down, drawing a bad swear from JR. D-Von is climbing but somehow Jeff is on the other side. Both guys grab a belt but Edge moves the ladder, leaving both guys hanging. D-Von is knocked down and the Canadians spear Jeff in the ribs with a ladder to bring him down. Everyone else is dead so Edge and Christian go up and get the belts to retain.

Rating: A. These six guys have a great match involving ladders. Imagine that. This match holds up incredibly well but the sequel would somehow be even better. That’s the biggest problem with this match: people remember the sequel instead of this one. The table bumps in this were great with Bubba and Matt destroying anything they landed on. It’s a great carnage match and is worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in awhile.

HHH demands an explanation from Stephanie so she blames Kurt for the whole thing. They’re husband and wife and he hasn’t asked her about this in THREE DAYS?

The Kat vs. Terri

This is a thong stinkface match which tells you everything you need to know. Al Snow and Perry Saturn are the respective seconds. They don’t even bother with the pretenses and start in swimsuits. I’m not even going to bother with this: the girls look decent, there’s a lot of catfighting, Kat hits a Bronco Buster, Saturn interferes, the roll each other up out of sheer stupidity, the referee is headbutted low, a shot with Snow’s Head knocks Terri out and Kat gets the win. Moving on.

The APA is at WWF New York.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Kane attacked his brother because he’s a monster and that’s about it.

Kane vs. Undertaker

This is the first time for Biker Taker vs. Kane. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Taker sending Kane face first into the post. Taker gets inside and starts ripping at the mask but Kane fights back with right hands in the corner. Kane brings in a chair but Taker fires off punches to the ribs to block the shot. It’s Kane who gets hit with the chair first and Taker tears part of the mask off. You can see the left side of Kane’s forehead and the big fried freak is MAD.

He rams Undertaker into the barricade a few times but Taker kicks the steps into Kane’s face. The steps are LAUNCHED at Kane’s head to take him down and it’s time for the full mask to be pulled off. Back in and Kane gets in a low blow and MAN is he busted open. Taker won’t go down from right hands and spears Kane down before going after the mask again. A low blow breaks up Kane’s chokeslam and the mask is pulled off! Kane bails before we can see anything and Taker wins.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as it’s not a match at all but a big fight the whole way through. Biker Taker was still new at this point so a match like this did a lot as far as getting him over. I use the word match loosely as JR didn’t even hear the bell ring (it did but it didn’t change much). Kane would float around for the next several months (shocking I know) before the Invasion started up.

Angle calls someone.

Stephanie is giving HHH a pep talk when the phone rings. She freaks out when she answers it and says Hi Mom. HHH wants to say hi to Linda but the “reception” cuts out. Nice scene there.

We recap the world title match. HHH vs. Angle you know and Rock vs. HHH has been a war since before Wrestlemania. Rock really felt like an afterthought here but that’s ok given his issues with HHH still being relatively fresh.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. The Rock vs. Kurt Angle

Fink makes sure to tell us there are no countouts or disqualifications. Before the match Angle apologizes for not kissing Stephanie sooner. He’s an Olympic gold medalist and earned those medals by not backing down. He runs his mouth about giving Stephanie some real passion and that’s more than HHH can take. The Game storms the ring and the brawl is on before the bell. HHH shoes the referee down and Angle hits a Cactus Clothesline to take them both to the floor.

They head to the announcer table and HHH loads up a Pedigree…..and the table breaks before HHH jumps, sending Angle face first into the concrete, legitimately knocking him out cold. HHH checks on Angle before pulling out the hammer. Rock comes out to keep things from falling apart as Angle is taken out on a stretcher. In other words, we’re stuck watching Rock vs. HHH for the next twenty minutes. Well if you insist.

They brawl on the floor with Rock sending HHH into the announce table before heading back inside for HHH to pound on Rock in the corner. HHH looks down as Angle is being wheeled out and Rock gets in some right hands but the Game drapes Rock over the top rope, sending him out to the floor. HHH chases Angle down and pulls the stretcher back to the ring before getting in some right hands which are pretty dangerous given his actual injury. Rock makes the save to let Angle be taken back for the needed medical attention.

HHH loads up a Pedigree on the floor but Rock counters into a catapult into the steel set. Angle is still in the arena as Rock takes HHH back to ringside. He hits HHH low as Stephanie is checking on Kurt. Rock is sent into the post and we head inside with Stephanie now at ringside. HHH doesn’t want her here but since she is he tells her to get the belt. Stephanie brings it in and “hits” HHH in the face with it by mistake to give Rock two. Rock tries to pull Stephanie into the ring but HHH hits him low to save. Stephanie bails to the back and we’re back to one on one.

Rock fires back with the jumping clothesline and the fans are very hot for this. HHH rolls to the floor and brings the sledgehammer in again. Rock gets in a right hand but the Game hits him in the ribs with the hammer. HHH fires off kicks to the ribs and some shoulders in the corner for good measure. A facebuster gets two on Rock and HHH stays on the ribs. We head back to the floor with Rock’s back being sent into the post. Back in and HHH stomps on the ribs even more but Rock comes back with a swinging neckbreaker.

Yet another knee to the champion’s ribs takes him down and HHH goes up top. Rock comes back and supereplexes HHH down and we cut to Stephanie begging Angle to come back to the ring to help HHH. The Game finally rolls over and covers Rock for two but Rock gets the same on a belly to belly. Stephanie is literally dragging Angle back to the ring so he can trip Rock, allowing HHH to hit the Pedigree. Angle breaks up the pin and sends HHH into the steps before trying to steal the title for himself in a great false finish.

A quick belly to belly gets two on Rock and Stephanie isn’t moving towards the fallen HHH at all. Rock hits a belly to belly throw and a DDT for two on Kurt before whipping Angle into HHH, knocking the Game into the barricade. Rock Bottom gets two on Angle as HHH saves before sending Rock into the post. HHH tells Stephanie to get the hammer but Angle gets it first. HHH kicks Angle in the ribs and goes for a right hand but hits Stephanie by mistake. Kurt knocks HHH out with the hammer but Rock breaks it up. The People’s Elbow to HHH retains the title.

Rating: B. Like I said, if I have to watch HHH vs. Rock for fifteen minutes plus then so be it. Angle being injured that early made for an interesting ending here as the majority of the match was heavily improvised. The HHH vs. Stephanie stuff would be cranked up even higher when Angle would win the WWF Title the next month.

Angle carries Stephanie out to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. The first half took a bit to get through but the last few matches are all great. This was still a great time in the WWF as you had everything clicking and all the big matches being better than you would expect. Austin would be back in a few months to bring things up even higher. Great show here and a forgotten classic.

Ratings Comparison

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Original: B-

Redo: C

X-Pac vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: D

Val Venis/Trish Stratus vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chyna

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C+

Redo: D

Steve Blackman vs. Shane McMahon

Original: B

Redo: B-

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

Redo: A-

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian vs. hardy Boys

Original: A-

Redo: A

The Kat vs. Terri

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: B

Redo: C

The Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A-

As always I rated things a bit higher back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/03/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2000-why-does-no-one-remember-this-show/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XVII
Date: April 1, 2001
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 67,925
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

After putting up with last year’s mess, this is my reward. Many people including myself consider this to be the greatest wrestling show of all time and I can’t say I argue that point whatsoever. It’s a four hour spectacular headlined by the main event to end all main events for this era: Austin vs. Rock II for the world title. Other matches on the card include HHH vs. Undertaker for the first time along with TLC II, Angle vs. Benoit and Vince vs. Shane to FINALLY end their drama. I’m getting antsy now so let’s get to it.

The opening video is a history of Wrestlemania along with shots of people around the world watching it. This includes a couple watching it in the back of a car. What kind of a portable TV can get a PPV feed? Anyway this is an awesome video that makes Wrestlemania seem like a worldwide event that everyone can get into. That’s an awesome idea and the video makes it work.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Jericho is defending and this is a result of him not liking Commissioner Regal’s regime. Basically he thinks Regal is boring and therefore relieved himself in Regal’s teapot. Regal responded by having the RTC and the Dudleys beat up Jericho on various nights. Jericho came back by dressing up by Doink for no apparent reason and putting Regal in the Walls of Jericho.

Regal pounds away to start but Jericho forearms him out to the floor. There’s a big dive by the champion to take Regal down before he drops Sweet Willy B on the barricade. Back inside and a jumping back elbow off the top puts Regal down again before they head to the mat. Jericho tries for the Walls but Regal escapes and sends the still injured shoulder (from the aforementioned beatdowns) of Jericho into the post. A quick suplex gets two for Regal and it’s back to the arm.

Jericho comes back with an elbow but Regal takes him down with a rollup for two more. Another suplex puts Jericho down again but Regal can’t keep him down. The fans start cheering for Jericho as Regal takes off a turnbuckle pad. The referee is ok with this for some reason as Jericho’s shoulder goes into the steel. Jericho comes back with a pair of enziguris before a middle rope missile dropkick gets two.

Jericho misses a charge in the corner and nearly hits the post head first. In a surprising move, Regal goes up top for a butterfly superplex which gets a delayed two. Jericho trips the legs and tries the Walls again but the shoulder gives out, allowing Regal to hook the Regal Stretch (STF with a half nelson) but Jericho makes the rope. Jericho fights back again but gets kicked in the shoulder, only to send Regal into the exposed buckle and hit the Lionsault to retain. That was a really sudden ending and JR sounded surprised so maybe it was called on the fly.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what an opener was supposed to be: fast paced, hard hitting and it told a good story. They beat on each other for seven minutes straight with nothing of note looking bad. The idea of the shoulder injury was a perfectly fine story to keep the match going and the Regal Stretch worked for a climax. This was a really good opener and it hit every point it was supposed to hit.

Shane McMahon in his WCW-1 limo shows up. He bought WCW on Monday, setting the stage for the Alliance.

Bradshaw is worried about Taz not being here for their match so he goes on one heck of a rant about how awesome Texas is before going on about how THIS IS WRESTLEMANIA.

Right to Censor vs. APA/Taz

The RTC is a censorship group with Val Venis, Goodfather and Bull Buchanan with Steven Richards outside. They censor stuff, the other three don’t like it, let’s fight. Oh and Jackie is with the good guys but no one cares about her. It’s a big brawl to start with the RTC getting destroyed very quickly. We start with Faarooq vs. Buchanan with Bull hitting the climb the rope clothesline for an early two. Off to Taz who gets kicked in the head and triple teamed by RTC.

Venis comes in with some knees to the ribs for two before it’s off to Goodfather. He continues the destruction of Taz including the non-Ho Train for no cover. There’s the hot tag to Bradshaw as the beating shifts. Venis gets caught in the fallaway slam as everything breaks down. A double spinebuster crushes Venis and there’s a belly to back superplex for good measure. Goodfather misses a charge in the corner and Bradshaw kills him dead with the Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: C-. This is pretty easily the worst match of the show and it’s certainly not bad at all. This was short and almost sweet which is what it was supposed to be. The idea here was to have the censors get beaten up by the Texan and give the fans a good feeling which is exactly what happened. Not a good match or anything but it’s completely watchable.

Trish wheels in the comatose Linda to be in attendance for Vince destroying Shane later. Your McMahon Drama Recap of the Night: Vince is screwing Trish while Linda has been medicated to the point where she can’t move while Stephanie is being Daddy’s Little Girl. Stephanie tells Trish to be ready for the celebration post match and Trish is perfectly fine with this. Yep, perfectly.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Big Show vs. Kane

Raven is defending and brings out a shopping cart of goodies with him. Before Show is here, Raven tries to jump Kane for no apparent reason. My guess would be drug related mental issues but that’s just speculation. Show makes the LONG walk down the aisle, only to have Raven tossed over the top rope and down onto him. Raven is easily caught so Kane dives off the top and takes them both out, getting two on Kane.

We head into the crowd with Show never getting into the ring and the brawl is on. Bird Boy’s philosophy seems to be let the monsters brawl and sneak in some shots where he can. A street sign to Kane’s head staggers him, only for Kane to throw Raven nearly through a wall. Show chases Raven away and tries to lock themselves into a kind of storage area. Kane will have none of that and breaks the door down to keep beating up Big Show.

Raven tries to choke Kane with a gardening hose but Kane basically lassos him with it before throwing Raven through the window of a small office. Show knocks Kane through the office door before they brawl through the wall between the offices. Raven stomps away before stealing a golf cart, only to have Big Show jump on the back.

Kane steals one of his own and brings the referee along on the chase. According to Raven, there was supposed to be a chase scene around the arena but it never happened. Also they almost hit some cables that would have cut the power to the entire stadium, which would have been awesome and awful at the same time. They fight to the catering area and the Snapple is destroyed, much to Heyman’s chagrin.

Now we head back up the steps to the stage where Kane goes nuts on Big Show, only to get clotheslined back down. Show loads up a gorilla press on Raven but Kane kicks them both off the stage. A legdrop from Kane onto Show is enough for the pin and the title in a crushed part of the set.

Rating: C+. This is a fun hardcore match with the cool brawling spots mixed with the fun and goofy stuff which is how you make for a good hardcore match. These kind of matches were rare, but for the most part this was a more serious kind of Hardcore Title match, which usually makes things better. Kane would hold the title for awhile before it fell back into the goofy style.

Angle tells Edge and Christian that he didn’t tap out to Benoit because there wasn’t an official bell or an official referee, so it wasn’t an official tap out. The Canadians slowly walk away.

Jimmy Snuka is at WWF New York.

A fan from Australia is here. That’s rather cool.

The Rock arrives, 40 minutes into the show.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Test is defending and Eddie has the Perry Saturn with him. Eddie tries to jump him to start but gets thrown around by the pure power of the champion. A spinning powerbomb gets two for Test and they head to the floor almost immediately. Back in and Eddie gets in a shot to take over before pounding away in the corner. The champion comes back with a clothesline for two before heading up top.

While up there though Test has to counter a hurricanrana before hitting a jumping back elbow to the face for two. A big boot from the champion misses Eddie though, causing Test’s ankle to be caught in the rope. The match has to stop for a second to get him loose because Eddie can’t pin him while in the ropes. Eddie stomps away on the leg on the floor a bit before heading back inside to work on it in the ring.

Off to a sleeper by Guerrero now as the fans seem to be getting a bit bored. Test fights out of it after a few moments and hits the tilt-a-whirl slam to put both guys down. Another tilt-a-whirl ends in a powerbomb for two for Test but Eddie kicks him low to break up a full nelson slam. Saturn slips in while the referee is yelling at Eddie for the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza (a swinging neckbreaker), giving Eddie a two count.

Test gets back up and hits a pumphandle powerslam for two before kicking Saturn’s head off. Eddie gets kicked as well but they have to wait for Dean Malenko to come down for his run-in, causing a stupid looking (fits Test perfectly) pause. As Test beats up Dean, Eddie gets the title belt and hits the champ with it for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Again, if this is the worst match I have to watch, I’m going to be perfectly fine with this. Test was fine here with Eddie doing almost all of the work and making things as simple for Test as possible. It’s pretty dull stuff but another Texan winning isn’t going to hurt things at all, especially with it just being for the lower midcard title.

Mick Foley promises to call the street fight fairly.

Austin is here, 55 minutes late.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

On his way to the ring, Angle rips on Texas for various reasons, primarily the lone star flag. Oh and cowboy hats are stupid. This match was made on Raw because neither guy had anything to do for Wrestlemania. It’s as simple as it sounds, but do you need anything more than that for this pairing? Angle still insists that he didn’t tap out to Benoit on Raw. Heyman: “This is as excited as a man can get with his clothes on.”

Angle takes it to the mat to start which is fine with Benoit as the struggle begins. Benoit sits out and it’s a standoff, drawing a nice ovation from the crowd. It worked so well before that they do it again, drawing a bigger ovation this time. Angle hits a kind of suplex to take it to the mat for a third time but Benoit sits out again as they fight for position. They roll into the ropes for another break and the fans are pleased yet again.

Benoit takes it to the mat again and tries the Crossface, sending Angle into the safety of the ropes. Kurt bails to the floor for a breather as he isn’t sure what to do with Benoit here. Back in and Angle has to get to a rope to escape another Crossface attempt. Angle blasts Benoit with a right hand to shift the style and momentum here as they head outside. Benoit goes first into the announce table and shoulder first into the steps to keep Kurt in control.

Back in and Angle gets two off a belly to back suplex. A belly to belly gets no cover by Kurt and neither does the second one Angle hits in a row. Benoit comes back with a clothesline as the only advantage of the match so far is gone. Benoit starts slugging away in the corner before hitting a knee to Angle’s ribs. A back elbow to Angle’s face gets two as does a snap suplex ala Dynamite Kid. Benoit follows up with a superplex and holds his neck afterwards. He would be about three months from neck surgery that put him out for over a year.

Speaking of neck injuring suplexes, Benoit rolls some Germans but Angle rolls through the third one into the ankle lock. Benoit escapes that into an ankle lock of his own for good measure. The stealing finishers was one of Angle’s major deals so this shouldn’t be a surprise. Benoit tries the Crossface but Angle blocks it from going on full. Angle puts Benoit in the Crossface for good measure but Benoit gets a foot on the ropes.

Angle accidentally charges into the referee, just before Benoit puts Angle in the Crossface for an unseen tap out. Benoit releases the hold and gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. Angle’s moonsault hits Benoit’s knees, allowing Benoit to go up for the Swan Dive. That gets two, but Angle rolls through and hooks the tights for the win.

Rating: B+. It’s Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania. Did you expect this to be anything less than awesome? This wasn’t as good as their masterpiece at the 2003 Rumble, but it would be a match of the year candidate on any other show. That’s what you expect from these two though, and this is an excellent match that is overshaddowed by the rematches they would have later.

William Regal is annoyed at Michael Cole but walks into his office to see Kamala standing on his desk and rubbing the picture of Queen Elizabeth on his stomach. It’s as disturbing as it sounds.

We get a video from the Wrestlemania pep rally at Fort Hood in Texas with a bunch of wrestlers and Divas. There was a parade and the commander got a chair. The WWE people got plaques and Lita looks so unimpressed it’s unreal. Angle of course would rather have a medal. This was pretty cool.

Angle says he won but Benoit jumps him and puts on another Crossface, making Kurt tap again.

We recap Chyna hurting her neck and then coming back as a Playboy cover girl. This doesn’t sit well with the RTC, who injured her neck in the first place. Tonight it’s Ivory vs. Chyna for the Women’s Title again, but this is more about revenge than the title.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

For one of the only times ever, Chyna looks great here. Ivory holds the belt to her face before the bell, but the referee is shoved away to let Ivory hit Chyna in the back with said title. Ivory gets in a few more shots but Chyna catches a boot in the corner. The destruction begins and Ivory is beaten down in the corner. A powerbomb kills Ivory dead but Chyna pulls her up at two. Instead it’s a gorilla press slam for the pin and the title. Chyna would bail on the company about a month later without ever losing the title.

Vince gives Trish some instructions about Linda tonight, making sure that Linda won’t be brought out until Shane is totally immobile. Cole comes in to ask about Monday night so Vince promises something shocking tonight.

We recap Vince demanding a divorce from Linda while openly having an affair with Trish. Linda had a breakdown so Vince had her medicated to the point that she was basically a vegetable. Shane returned to destroy Vince and challenged him to a match at Wrestlemania. Vince said ok but there were bigger things to take care of.

On March 26, Vince appeared on Nitro saying that he had bought his competition. At the end of the broadcast though, Shane appeared as well, saying that he had bought WCW when Vince had waited too long. Vince had wanted to sign the contracts here at Mania, allowing Shane to swoop in and steal it. I’m thinking that’s not legal, but it’s wrestling so how much sense does it need to make?

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

This is a street fight of course with Mick Foley as guest referee. Shane has some WCW “stars” in a private box. You can see Shawn Stasiak, Stacy Keibler and I think Bobby Eaton up there. Stephanie is here with Vince but Trish and Linda are being saved for later. Vince slaps Shane and we’re ready to go in a hurry. Shane gets pounded down in the corner but comes back with a spear and a bunch of elbow drops.

Stephanie gets in the ring and slaps Shane in the face, causing a chase sequence. Shane stops to hit Vince in the head with a sign before beating him over an over in the back. A clothesline off the barricade puts Vince down again before Shane whips him into the barricade. Shane blasts him in the back with a kendo stick over and over before peppering him with left jabs and a big right cross. Other than the brief flurry to start this is all Shane.

A monitor shot to Vince’s head knocks him out so Shane can put him on the announce table. For the big spot of the match, Shane loads up the top rope elbow through the table but Stephanie pulls Vince away, sending Shane crashing through the table. Here come Trish and Linda with Linda completely sedated. Vince wakes up and sees them there so Trish helps him to his feet, with an AMAZING cleavage shot.

Trish surprises everyone by slapping Vince, turning face in the process. Stephanie goes after Trish, triggering a catfight in the ring. Mick pulls Stephanie off of Trish, only to get slapped in the face for his efforts. Stephanie runs from Trish and does the worst looking fall in the history of bad looking falls to let Trish catch up before leaving the arena. Back at ringside Vince wakes up and calls his wife a very bad name but Foley stops any potential domestic violence. Vince is fine with that and blasts Mick in the back with a chair.

The oldest McMahon puts Linda into the ring as Shane is still out cold. Linda is sat in the corner of the ring in a chair as Vince throws Shane back into the ring. Now it’s time for four garbage cans to be thrown in as well so Shane can get beaten up yet again. Vince picks up the third can but as he takes too long, Linda stands up to an ERUPTION from the crowd. She kicks Vince between the legs to stun him, allowing Foley to come in and beat the tar out of the owner of the company. Mick knocks Vince down in the corner and Shane hits the Coast to Coast dropkick, sending a garbage can into Vince’s face for the academic pin.

Rating: B. All things considered, this was excellent. This is what you call intricate storytelling with at least five feuds/stories (Vince vs. Shane, Vince vs. Mick, Vince vs. Linda, Stephanie vs. Linda, Trish’s turn) being blown off in one single match. On top of that, the match wasn’t that bad with some decent bumps considering that they’re both non-wrestlers. The drama was the key here though and it worked REALLY well.

The Hardys aren’t sure if any of the three teams will ever be the same after TLC II.

HHH and Undertaker are getting ready. To this day I still want one of those X7 baseball jerseys. They were AWESOME.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

The Dudleys are the champions coming in. There’s no story to it, but was there ever to one of these things? Edge and Christian get double teamed to start and the Dudleyz hit a double flapjack on Christian. Both sets of Boys fight in the corner with Jeff hitting Poetry in Motion on both at once. Cue Edge and Christian again with the ladder before Edge brings in a chair. The Canadians put Matt in the Tree of Woe and stand on his crotch. No wonder Lita left him for Edge.

Edge stats to climb but Matt makes the stop and goes up himself. That goes badly for him of course as Edge uses the chair as a stepping stone to take Matt down with a clothesline. Jeff dropkicks Edge off the ladder before joining with his brother to dropkick a ladder into the Dudleys’ faces. There are two ladders in the ring now in opposite corners. Christian is slammed down and hit with a stereo splash/legdrop from the Hardys. The Dudleys are back in now and there’s What’s Up.

It’s Table Time with Edge being placed on the first one, but Jeff tries a hurricanrana to Bubba, only to be powerbombed through Edge through the table. This is nonstop action so far. The Dudleys set up four tables at ringside as Paul tells us of Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Currently there’s a table in the corner and three ladders in the ring. Bubba picks up a ladder and CRACKS Matt in the head with it before setting it up next to the other two. All three are set up in a row in the middle of the ring so here’s a six way climb.

Matt and Christian go flying first with Matt landing on the ropes and Christian falling all the way to the floor. Jeff and D-Von fall into the opposite ropes and Edge and Bubba fall backwards, to put all six guys down. Edge is the only one halfway standing and Christian sets up a table on the floor. Bubba dumps a ladder to the floor to clear the ring out a bit as Spike Dudley, Bubba and D-Von’s cousin, runs in. He hits Edge low and puts Christian through a table with the Dudley Dog off the apron.

Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno runs in and destroys everyone in sight before sending Edge up the ladder to get the belts. Cue Lita to jerk Edge off. The ladder. Anyway with the thong sticking WAY out, Rhyno picks her up but gets hit low by Spike. Lita goes up for a rana on Rhyno and Spike cracks him in the head with a chair, sending Rhyno into the ladder, knocking Edge into the ropes. A Doomsday Device puts Rhyno down again but Lita CRACKS Spike in the head with a chair. She then takes off her top, giving us the biggest pop of the night. Not that it matters as she walks into a 3D and is now done for the match.

The Canadians come back in with chairs to take the champions out before Christian brings out the huge ladder. It’s on the floor but it’s still taller than the ones in the ring. Jeff, ever the crazy man, goes ALL THE WAY to the top and hits a Swanton onto Spike and Rhyno (read as Rhyno barely gets hit and Spike takes every bit of it). The super ladder is set up in the ring now and it’s a race between D-Von and Christian. Matt moves the ladder away, leaving both guys hanging from the cord holding the belts.

Both guys fall down, but Jeff gets up on a regular ladder and tries to walk on the other small ladders like a tightrope. Jeff loses his balance though and has to hang from the cord as well. Bubba grabs the ladder and walks away with it while Jeff’s feet are still in it, pulling Jeff’s body back. The feet pull away and Jeff swings forward, right into a spear from Edge off the super ladder, drawing a BIG gasp from the crowd. That’s the spot that made everyone realize Edge was going to be something VERY special.

Matt and Bubba go up on the super ladder, but Rhyno shoves it over, sending them crashing through the four tables at ringside. D-Von goes up now but Edge grabs his feet, allowing Rhyno to give Christian enough of a boost to beat D-Von to the top and get the titles, finally ending this carnage.

Rating: A+. If you’re looking for pure insanity and non-stop violence, this is the pinnacle of the genre. These nine people went for over fifteen minutes and never once stopped beating on each other. The spots are insane and the big spots still have you in awe. This match holds up incredibly well and is just as impressive as it was twelve years ago. Absolute masterpiece that blows away every MITB match that I can remember.

Video on Axxess. I need to go to that someday.

We get the all time attendance record announcement: 67,925. That’s AWESOME.

Now for the fun part of the show to give the fans a chance to breathe. Here are MEAN FREAKING GENE OKERLUND and Bobby Heenan to do commentary for the next match.

Gimmick Battle Royal

Luke, Butch, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink, Kamala, Kimchee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang (He couldn’t fit into the Akeem gear), Gobbledy Gooker (complete with video from Survivor Series 1990), Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim (biggest reaction of the entrants), Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter

Take eighteen of the goofiest gimmicks of all time, throw them in a match, have fun. I thought this was awesome when I was 13 and it’s still awesome to this day. The entrances take nearly three times longer than the match but that’s beside the point. Repo Man is put out in about two seconds as is the Gooker. Quake puts Tugboat out before Kamala throws him out as well.

People are thrown out right and left with Doink being eliminated to a chorus of booing. The final four are Brother Love, Slaughter, Hillbilly Jim and the Sheik. Within about 12 seconds it’s down to Sheik and Jim with Sheik winning because he can’t go over the top to the floor. This was like three minutes long and it worked just fine all things considered. Slaughter puts Sheik in the Cobra Clutch post match.

We recap HHH vs. Undertaker. HHH beat Austin at No Way Out and then said there was nobody left for him to beat, so here came the Dead Man. HHH jumped him from behind and choked him with a chair a week later. Taker came back with a pipe, earning himself a restraining order from Stephanie.

There was no restraining order against Undertaker’s brother Kane though, so he kidnapped Stephanie and threatened to throw her off a balcony unless Taker got a one on one match with HHH at Wrestlemania. HHH responded by destroying Undertaker’s motorcycle. Taker called the ring his yard, giving HHH the great line of “Your yard is in the middle of his world.” This was the match I was looking forward to more than any other on the card.

HHH vs. Undertaker

Taker gets to do his long bike ride down the aisle, meaning he can speed it way up, which looks pretty awesome. I use that word a lot in this but it’s true. The fight starts on the floor with HHH losing a slugout. They break ANOTHER Spanish announce table with Taker still pounding away. We get in the ring for the opening bell where HHH hitting the jumping knee to the face. Taker has no interest in selling that though and pounds on HHH in the corner even more.

A big backdrop puts HHH down as do some clotheslines in the corner. Taker powerslams the Game down and there’s the jumping clothesline to do it again. HHH breaks up Old School though and hits a neckbreaker for two. A few elbows to Taker’s neck have him in even more trouble and there’s a neckbreaker for two. See what psychology is like? It’s not that hard. Taker comes back with rapid fire punches but gets caught in a facebuster.

HHH goes to the floor and gets the sledgehammer but the referee takes it away from him. Instead HHH loads up a Pedigree but gets catapulted into the referee, crushing him in the process. There’s a chokeslam to HHH but the referee is slow to count, meaning it only gets two. Taker beats up the referee to knock him out cold before throwing HHH out to the floor. HHH is backdropped into the crowd and the brawl is on. Taker punches him up to the tech area which is a very rare sight.

HHH tries to climb away to escape, but he climbs up higher and higher. Taker catches him anyway and pounds him in the head before sending him up to the next level. HHH finds a chair and blasts him ten straight times about the head and body. He loads up another shot to the head but Taker grabs him by the throat and chokeslams HHH off the tower onto something we can’t see. It winds up being a crash pad but the throw looked GREAT. Taker wants more and drops an elbow off the tower down onto HHH for good measure.

Before HHH can be taken to the back by EMTs, Taker beats him up even more and even knocks down the medics. We head back to the ring where the referee hasn’t moved for six minutes and hasn’t been looked at whatsoever. Back to the ring with HHH basically dead. Taker picks up the sledgehammer but HHH kicks him low to save his life. A big boot to the face of HHH takes him down though and it’s time for a slugout.

HHH loads up a Tombstone but since he’s not Kane (or Sid apparently, Taker easily counters into one of his own. There’s STILL no referee though as he’s been out cold for ten minutes (from a kick in the back and an elbow drop mind you). Taker finally shakes him back to life before loading up the Last Ride. HHH grabs the sledgehammer though and knocks Undertaker silly with it…..for two. I lost my mind on that kickout back in the day.

Taker is busted open and HHH is having a fit. The Game pounds away at the cut in the corner but makes the fatal mistake of going to the middle rope for more leverage, allowing Taker to grab the Last Ride to plant HHH and make himself 9-0 at Wrestlemania. Taker lays on the ropes after the match and the shot of him busted open but smiling is sweet.

Rating: A. This is one of the great matches that no one talks about for various reasons ranging from their rematches to the match that immediately followed it. It’s absolutely great though with both guys beating the tar out of each other and some excellent drama on the near falls. This was the match that made sure you knew Taker was still a player while keeping HHH strong at the same time. Great fight.

Some fan won a contest here because of a poster.

As JR says, the time is upon us.

We recap Austin vs. Rock II which is summed up by one line from Austin: “The fact is Rock, you got the WWF Title and I want it.” This is backed up by the mother of all hype videos, set to My Way by Limp Bizkit. I’m not a fan of their music but this video is AMAZING. Debra was originally involved but thankfully that was dropped after about eight seconds. This was the best kind of build there was: take two superstars who seemingly cannot lose and put them together in a title match. These two beat on each other for months on end until this night arrived.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Heyman says this is the match that both men need to win and neither man can afford to lose. Right before the entrances, Fink tells us that this is now No DQ, which is a surprise to everyone. Austin’s pop is awe inspiring as the face absolutely lose their minds at his entrance. Rock gets a VERY mixed reaction as Austin is a folk hero here in Texas. The brawl is on immediately and Austin hits the Thesz Press and middle finger elbow, only to be taken down by a swinging neckbreaker. The Rock Bottom and Stunner are countered and Austin throws Rock to the floor. We’re maybe 45 seconds in at this point.

They fight into the crowd with Rock taking over with more right hands. Back to ringside with Austin hitting a clothesline to put Rock down before adjusting his knee brace for a bit. They’re back in the ring now with Austin hitting a running crotch attack in 619 position followed by a superplex for the first two count of the match. Austin takes off the turnbuckle pad and pounds away to A LOT of booing from the crowd. A back elbow gets two for Rock before he clotheslines Austin to the floor.

They fight over to the announce table with Austin coming back with a bell shot to the face. Rock is knocked onto the announce table which breaks a few seconds later. We head back inside for Austin to pound away to even more pops from the crowd. Rock comes back with right hands but Austin drops both him and a leg for two. Rock is busted open and Austin chokes away in the corner. Austin stops to yell at the referee and gets his head taken off by a lariat from Rock.

The champion pounds away with right hands before getting the bell. It goes upside the head of the also bloody Austin but only gets two. We’re at the point now where the pinfall attempts get more and more intense. Rock keeps pounding away but Austin won’t stay down. Back to the floor with Austin firing off more fists as JR is in all his glory calling it. A slingshot sends Rock head first into the post and man did he BOUNCE off that thing. Back inside and Rock scoops the legs for the Sharpshooter in a call back to WM 13 where Austin is dripping blood while in the hold. He makes the rope this time though and we keep going.

Rock flips Austin off, earning himself a Sharpshooter from Austin. Well there’s a twist. It’s a terrible Sharpshooter but it gets the job done. Rock powers out though with blood dripping in between his teeth, again ala Mania 13. Back to the Sharpshooter on Rock but he makes the rope this time to escape again. Austin busts out the Million Dollar Dream of all things and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock fights up though and we get another callback to a Bret vs. Austin masterpiece with Rock climbing the rope and backflipping onto Austin for two, making him break the hold in the process.

Out of nowhere Rock hits a Stunner on Austin but he can’t follow up. It eventually gets two…and here’s Vince. Austin’s whip spienbuster gets two but he walks into one by Rock which sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince breaks it up though by pulling Rock off Austin, earning himself a death stare from the champion. Now we know something is afoot given the history between Vince and Austin. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for another very close two.

The Stunner is countered and Hebner is knocked to the floor, allowing Austin to hit a low blow. Vince brings in a chair and clocks Rock with it on Austin’s instructions, getting another delayed two count. Now the fans are cheering for Rock a lot more but aren’t as pleased when Rock hits a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. Vince gets pulled into the ring for a beatdown but it’s a Stunner to Rock for only two. That probably should have been the finish, but instead Austin gets the chair and gives Rock the mother of all beatdowns with it, hitting him SIXTEEN TIMES. Rock is DEAD and Austin covers the body for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. Yes there’s kind of weak ending, yes there were some lame points, but it’s Rock vs. Austin II for the world title in the main event of Wrestlemania. This is a masterpiece by definition alone. I think I might be the only person on the planet that likes this turn still, but it was in front of the wrong crowd. If this was ANY other state in the country it would have been booed like there was no tomorrow, but instead gets cheered, which is where the problem came from. Still though, excellent match and worthy of being the main event of the greatest show ever.

Vince and Austin shake hands, officially ending the Attitude Era. Beer is consumed and Rock is hit with the belt one more time for good measure.

Overall Rating: A++. It’s the greatest show of all time. Normally I would say if there was a rating higher than an A+ it would get that, so now there’s a rating of A++ for this show and this show alone. With a mind blowing four matches at B+ or higher and absolutely nothing bad at all, how can this not be the best show ever? I’ve seen this show several dozen times and it doesn’t get old no matter how many times I see it. It’s still excellent and needs to be seen by all fans.

Ratings Comparison

Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Original: B

Redo: B-

Right to Censor vs. Tazz/A.P.A.

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B+

Redo: B+

Chyna vs. Ivory

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

Original: B

Redo: B

Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Gimmick Battle Royal

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: A+

Redo: A

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A++

Yep it holds up.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/24/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-17-oh-yes/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the night.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Time for a good old fashioned brawling tag team: the APA.

The team, originally called Hell’s Henchmen, became the Acolytes in late 1998. Here’s one of their first beatdowns on Raw, May 3, 1999.

Mankind vs. Acolytes

Hardcore match. Mankind has his 2×4 and goes after Farrooq with it but Bradshaw pops him with a conveniently placed snow shovel and we head outside. The numbers are catching up with Mankind and we go back inside quickly. More beating follows but a Foley chant lets him hit a double clothesline. That of course doesn’t last long and we head back outside. This is moving fast again.

Foley goes into various objects and Farrooq pounds on him. A low blow gets him a break and he fires off some bell and trashcan shots on both guys. Back inside and Foley gets two and a chair shot, in that order. After some heel miscommunication the Claw goes on Farrooq but Bradshaw breaks it up and a double powerbomb onto some chairs ends this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but there wasn’t really a way to have Foley win this and make it look reasonable. That’s one of the benefits of the Attitude Era: people didn’t overcome ridiculous odds most of the time and it kept things a bit more reasonable than it gets today. Now that being said, the rest of the era was insane but that was always a perk.

The Acolytes would win the Tag Team Titles in May, lost them in June and get a rematch at Fully Loaded 1999.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardys/Michael Hayes

Yep it’s a handicap match. At this point I had zero clue which was Matt and which was Jeff. We start in the aisle where they just leave the belts. Who would have thought two of these four would win world titles? I don’t think this has started yet. According to Ross it has. Ah there’s the bell so Ross was wrong.

We have Farrooq and Jeff in there to start while Bradshaw beats up both guys on the floor. Matt takes out everyone with a top rope moonsault. They really were great fliers back in the day. Hayes is pretty freaking worthless here but what did you really expect? The APA takes over with just power. Matt picks to tag Hayes. Why in the world would you do that? We get a Freebird reference so I’m good for the night. There’s Jeff. Crowd is DEAD for this.

I think Lita helped them a good bit to say the least. The Hardys simply aren’t that good at this point. Bradshaw gets a nice belly to back suplex off the top. Not bad. Jeff clocks him with Hayes’ cane over the head. Poetry in Motion is still very much a work in progress here. Hayes comes in and a double powerbomb gives the APA their titles back. Edge, Christian and a ladder would be coming soon.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it at all. Hayes was just in the way here as he’s old and most of the people here don’t know what he used to be nor do they care more than likely. The Hardys would dump him maybe the next night. Either way, the APA would lose the belts to Kane and X-Pac two weeks later so this was just to get Hayes out of the Hardy picture.

There was new tag team in the company around fall of 1999 and the APA had to reestablish their dominance. From Unforgiven 1999.

Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes

The Dudleys are BRAND NEW here and are the hottest team in the world at the moment. The referee is Jimmy Korderas who wasn’t striking. Bubba has a stutter here. They were just so far ahead of every other team in the world at this time and it’s insane to see what they are today. What are you expecting here really? Bubba telegraphs a splash worse than anything I have ever seen as he jumps at Farrooq’s knees. That was horrible looking.

The Dudleys are in tie-dye here and it looks great. Lawler keeps making fun of Moolah and Mae Young which is very amusing yet totally evil and wrong. Again I have to ask, what does it mean to do something with authority? That makes no sense at all. This is your standard big old brawl and that’s all you could really ask for it to be.

Bradshaw gets an ok belly to back suplex off the top for two. And here’s Stevie Richards dressed like an Acolyte. He kicks D-Von and Bradshaw pins him. Ok then. To say a lot, Bradshaw is the only non ECW guy in there. Yeah it meant a lot.

Rating: D. Way too quick of a brawl here and it meant nothing. This show has been horrible and we’re just an hour into it so far. I was bored out of my mind here and I liked the Dudleys a lot back then. The ending was beyond stupid and it did the match no favors at all. Let’s just get this over with.

We’ll close out the year at Armageddon 1999.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Dudleys, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Edge/Christian, Hardy Boyz, Acolytes, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool.

The Dudleys are out first and yell at Edge and Christian. They all get in a fight before the rest are here. The last man standing wins a tag title shot at the Rumble for his team. The Hardys get a big pop. Terri is with them and is not great looking and undesirable as ever. I love the Posse. I always did. Too Cool gets a solid pop too.

Wow the entrances took awhile for this. It’s individual elimination mind you. Rodney is out. These are hard to call so I’ll more or less be waiting until the end of things. The third member of the Posse keeps going in to cheat. Ok apparently if one guy is eliminated the partner is too. Headbangers are out.

Henry and Godfather are out. Like I said there’s no way to talk about what’s going on here since everything is just a mess. Edge and Christian get both of Too Cool out. It’s Edge and Christian, Dudleys, Acolytes and Hardys. In other words, the four best teams are left. D-Von and Christian go through the ropes and fight on the floor. D-Von pulls Edge out so it’s down to three. There was an affinity for the DDT in this era.

Jeff gets a What’s Up before it was named. Jeff’s crotch is the Promised Land apparently. Jeff takes 3D on top of that but Matt puts the Dudleys out so it’s Hardys vs. Acolytes. Jeff is up after all that inside of a minute. Sure why not. Bradshaw and Matt go out at the same time so they just let us have the other two go at it instead. Bradshaw goes back in anyway so guess how this goes. Not as you would expect actually as Jeff puts Farrooq out but it’s not seem. Ok never mind as Matt is allowed back in. This needs to end like now. And so it does as Farrooq LAUNCHES Jeff out to win.

Rating: D+. Fast paced but boring as are most battle royals. The constant cheating etc at the end just got annoying too. This wasn’t very good but the crowd popped for most of the entrances so there we are. Not terrible but nothing great at all as this could have easily been done on Smackdown or Raw.

Time for another hardcore match on Raw, February 7, 2000.

Hollies vs. Acolytes

Hardcore match. The Hollies charge the ring and are immediately knocked to the floor. All four head into the crowd and to the concourse. We hit the concession stand and it’s time to drink beer. Bradshaw loads up a powerbomb on a table but here’s Viscera with a 2×4. After he slips on beer and gets up, he breaks the weakest 2×4 ever over Bradshaw’s back to give Hardcore the pin. This was short but fun.

Another title shot at Fully Loaded 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. APA

I miss Edge and Christian’s old entrance where the camera flies all over the place and looks for them and they’re in the entry way like normal wrestlers. Edge insults Dallas sports teams which makes me hate them quite a bit. They insult the Kennedy assassination before setting up for flash photography but the APA and their awesome music cuts them off. Bradshaw threatens to put his boot in their ears. Ok then.

He actually uses the term cheap heat. That came out of nowhere. He defends Texas by saying how many titles they’ve won. That just makes him sound like a geek. I didn’t know FTS was more commonly known as Bradshaw. Farroq gets a great step shot in on Christian right off the bat.

This starts off as little more than a squash as Bradshaw just freaking murders Christian. Edge and Christian finally get some offense in as they get the advantage on Bradshaw. I like how they use such generic offense to stay in a match for as long as they can until they can hit a much bigger move. That’s a nice little way to do something. It lasts for all of a minute though as the APA dominates again.

We hear for about the 12th time that Bradshaw is from Texas. Seriously, WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT TEXAS??? With the Acolytes hitting their finishers, Edge goes to the floor and grabs a belt. He gets the referee’s attention and nails Farrooq with it for the DQ. I kind of like that as it plays them holding the belts even longer. The same time though, it makes them look ridiculously weak and since they were known to keep stealing wins like that, it’s rather stupid also.

Either way it was ok I guess. Post match the champions are beaten down even more which for some reason means we should talk about the Rock? That makes no sense but at least they saved it for after the match ended, unlike WCW who likely wouldn’t have acknowledged the match going on at all.

Rating: C. It was really short and pointless but it was never dull. That’s the best thing here: they kept moving the entire time. That’s always a plus as it kept things interesting and made you want to keep watching. I really don’t like the whole cheating to keep the belts thing as it makes them look quite weak, but that’s fine I guess as it fits them to the letter. However at just over five minutes they didn’t have enough time to get anything going so it’s about as average as you can get overall.

Next up was the feud with the Right to Censor, including this eight man tag at Unforgiven 2000.

Dudley Boys/APA vs. Right to Censor

“We’re censors!” “We don’t like censors!” “Let’s have a pre-planned mostly athletic encounter to settle our scripted differences!” There’s your backstory. The APA and the Dudleys dances with Too Cool on Smackdown which wasn’t as funny as it sounds. Steven says his team will win in his hometown. D-Von vs. Goodfather to start which might be an Affirmative Action thing.

The fans, to no one’s surprise, want tables. Let’s see…four former ECW guys in this. No wonder the fans are into it. Bubba comes in quickly and the Ho Train misses. Belly to back gets two for Bubba. Buchanan is so mad he took his tie off. Bradshaw comes in to a nice pop and beats up Buchanan for awhile. Buchanan hits his pretty awesome walk up the ropes and hit a turning clothesline for two.

Venis comes in with his white pants and jokes run rampant. Fallaway slam puts Venis down and it’s off to Farrooq (how DO you spell that anyway?). This has been one sided so far which almost guarantees an RTC victory. Venis hits what is called the Blue Thunder Bomb on No Mercy and it’s off to Goodfather. D-Von is the one getting beaten down at the moment.

Val misses an elbow and there’s the hot (it’s Philly so it’s automatically hot) tag to Bubba. He cleans house 4-1 and again, why do face teams allow their partners to fight such huge odds? Doomsday Device puts Val down and it all breaks down. Steven slips in a kick to Bubba and that’s enough for Val to pin him. Steven was never legally in.

Rating: C-. Just an 8 man here and the fans are into the show already so it’s not like it took much. The ending was pretty clear after the RTC got beaten down so much. To be fair though every company has tendencies in their booking like that which if you watch enough you can almost always pick up. ECW was really bad about that. Anyway, this wasn’t great but it did its job well enough I suppose.

The team was good enough to be brought in for some rare main event shots, including this one on Raw, January 15, 2001.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Steve Austin/???/???

That’s quite the heel team as they’re all champions at this point. Out of nowhere the APA run in and they’re the partners apparently. Austin and Angle start but Angle tags Christian in almost immediately. Off to Edge and Bradshaw now which goes badly for the Canadian. Double spinebuster to Edge as Farrooq comes in. It’s weird to see Austin beat up Edge. They’re tagging that fast mind you.

Angle vs. Austin now and Austin shockingly BACKFLIPS out of a suplex. Edge and Christian grab some chairs but can’t hit a Conchairto on Austin. The APA chases them off and we’re down to the two stars. Superplex gets two for Austin. HHH comes out to the ramp and Austin stares him down. Low blow by Angle and Kurt takes over. Austin manages to counter an Angle suplex and takes over again.

There’s a belly to belly for Austin’s trouble though as Angle pops those hips like only he can. Angle Slam is blocked as they’re flying through this. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away. Angle goes up but jumps into a Stunner to end it. More or less a one on one match but that’s fine by me.

Rating: C+. WAY fast here and it worked pretty well I thought. This works fine as HHH not getting involved here and having Austin do his dirty work for him was perfectly fine as it kills two birds with one stone for him. The tag team aspect meant nothing for the most part but the match was still incredibly energetic and fun.

Another day, another chance to beat up the Hollies on Raw, April 30, 2001.

APA vs. Hollies

It’s a big brawl to the shock of no one paying attention. Bradshaw vs. Hardcore to start with the future WWE Champion in control. Hardcore manages to send him to the floor and that gets him nowhere. Farrooq gets the stairs and they go upside Hardcore’s head as Crash accidentally has the referee. They throw him into the crowd and Bradshaw keeps up the dominance. Crash tries to help his cousin and that gets him nowhere. Crash is supposed to be a bit drunk here. Hardcore keeps fighting and escapes the Dominator but Crash accidentally takes him out with a missile dropkick and the Clothesline ends Hardocore.

Rating: D. Just a comedy match for the most part and not a particularly funny one. This is something you never see anymore: a random match on a story made earlier on in the night. Anymore you would expect a swerve or a run-in here because that’s what you’ve been taught to expect. Not much of a match but Crash was always good for a chuckle.

They did a double shot on Raw, July 9, 2001.

Tag Titles: APA vs. Dudley Boys

Apparently Spike is going to be out for awhile with a broken leg. The APA clears the ring to start and we get down to Bubba vs. Farrooq. Off to Bradshaw as the Dudleys take over. The reverse 3D gets two. D-Von pounds on him and it’s off to Bubba. He goes to the corner for the ten punches but gets powerbombed out and both guys are down. Off to Farrooq and D-Von with Simmons getting a spinebuster for two. 3D doesn’t work but What’s Up does to Farrooq. Bubba goes for a table but Spike comes out, hits Bubba with the crutch and throws him in where Bradshaw’s Clothesline gives the APA their third tag title.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match but I guess the idea here is that if the APA is leading the WWF’s army so give them something to make them seem important. That’s not a terrible idea actually and it’s better than another boring Hardys vs. Dudleys feud for the 7000th time. Not a terrible match and it did its job I guess.

And now for the important match from the same show.

Team WWF/WCW vs. Team ECW

It’s the 10 ECW guys listed earlier for their side. WWF is Big Show/Billy Gunn/Hardcore Holly/APA and WCW is Jindrak/Stasiak/O’Haire/Palumbo/Kanyon. WWF and WCW get in a fight before the ECW guys even get here. WCW is sent to the floor and here comes ECW. The ECW guys fight the WWF team and WCW stays on the floor. ECW clears the ring and calls out the WCW guys. And they all hug, officially forming the Alliance. No match obviously.

Vince comes out and wants to know what’s going on. Shane says watch the WWF guys get destroyed. Each one is thrown in and takes various finishing moves (including an F5 to Bradshaw from O’Haire). Shane says he can’t outspend Vince but he can outsmart him. Vince told Shane he was personally responsible for what happens out here and that’s true.

He’s responsible for ECW being here tonight and for the merger of WCW and ECW. Vince’s jaw is further into the Earth’s crust with every word. At Invasion, it’s the two companies against WWF. Oh, and here’s the new owner of ECW: Daddy’s Little Girl, Stephanie McMahon. The place ERUPTS at that. Vince’s eyes roll back in his head and here’s Stephanie, looking drop dead gorgeous in a pink dress. I think that’s why I loved this show when I was 13. Shane and Stephanie pose to end the show. Now THAT is how you end a TV show.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to the team in its dying days at Wrestlemania XVIII.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Saliva plays the Dudleyz to the ring which gives us the VERY nice image of Stacy in the Dudley attire dancing to the song. I’ve always thought she never looked better than she did in those outfits. Billy and Chuck are defending and this is elimination rules. Bradshaw jumps Chuck to start but Billy saves him from the fallaway slam. Instead it’s Billy taking it as it’s all Bradshaw so far.

A big belly to back suplex puts Chuck down again and it’s off to Faarooq. The crowd is eerily silent for this. Chuck clips Faarooq in the jaw with a right hand and it’s off to Billy for some choking. Billy loads up the Fameasser but gets caught in a wicked powerslam. Back to Bradshaw as things break down a bit. Billy tags in D-Von but the APA breaks up a 3D attempt. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck on the floor and there’s the big Clothesline to Billy, but Bradshaw walks into the 3D for the elimination.

The Hardys and Dudleys start fighting for old times’ sake before Matt and Jeff start beating on Chuck. The Dudleys load up a table but the Hardys dive on them to slow it up. Back in and there’s the Whisper in the Wind to Bubba. Stacy gets up on the apron and pulls up her shorts to distract Jeff, only to get spanked and kissed. A Bubba Bomb slows down Billy before Bubba chokes on Jeff with his shirt.

Things finally calm down a bit until we get to Jeff vs. Bubba again. With D-Von’s help, Bubba manages a backdrop to put Jeff down again and puts on a chinlock. D-Von comes in and runs over Jeff before pounding away in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two and it’s back to Bubba. Having a regular tag match between these two is probably the best idea given how lame Billy and Chuck were in the ring. Bubba stands on Jeff’s crotch in the Tree of Woe before tagging in D-Von for some choking.

A clothesline by Jeff allows for the hot tag to Matt, only to see him immediately run over by Bubba. The backsplash misses of course though and Matt tries to speed it up a bit, only to get caught in What’s Up. Before D-Von can dive though, the champions remember they’re in this too and shove D-Von through the table on the floor. Matt pops up and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for the pin on Bubba, leaving us with Billy and Chuck against the Hardys.

A Side Effect puts Billy down and there’s Poetry in Motion for good measure. Chuck gets the same along with a Twist of Fate. Jeff adds in the Swanton but Billy sneaks in with a Fameasser on Jeff but Chuck can only get two off o it. Instead it’s a belt shot to Jeff’s head for the pin by Chuck to FINALLY end this.

Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.

The APA even had a match named after them. From Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny. There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

They had to try to beat up another tag team at No Mercy 2003.

Basham Brothers vs. APA

This is about the APA hurting the Basham’s manager Shaniqua. The Bashams are named Doug and Danny, which are the names of my uncles so I’ve always liked this team. Bradshaw is blonde here which doesn’t work for him at all. He and Doug start things off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Off to Danny who has no luck, just like his brother. Were they brothers? I know they really aren’t but were they on screen? I’m not sure.

Doug gets in a shot to take over but his splash hits Farrooq’s knees and a brawl breaks out. Cole and Tazz get into a stupid argument as the Dominator is escaped. The Bashams hit a double belly to back suplex for two and Farrooq is in trouble. Bradshaw runs in to try to help his partner, because doing it a minute ago worked oh so well.

Off to a chinlock to eat up a few minutes until Farrooq hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag. Bradshaw cleans house and hits the powerbomb for two on Danny. Everything breaks down and it’s Last Calls (fall away slam) all around. There goes the referee and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline. Shaniqua comes in and hits Bradshaw with a club of some sort for the pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible I guess, but what in the world was the reason to give this nine minutes on PPV? Also why did we have to see Shaniqua in a dominatrix outfit? The match should have been on Smackdown or cut in half, but that’s the danger of single branded PPVs. The Bashams were the flavor of the month on Smackdown while the APA would split in March.

We’ll wrap it up with the team having one last shot at glory at Wrestlemania XX.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

The APA isn’t a hard concept to figure out. They drink, they fight, they drink some more, then they destroy a bar in Rhode Island. This is an idea that has been around for decades and it’s always going to work, especially if you have two monsters like Faarooq and Bradshaw to hand out the beatings.

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Today we’re looking at one of the most successful tag teams of all time: the Hardy Boys.

Since the Hardys have been around forever, we’re going to drop the timeline and just do a best of.

We’ll start with December to Dismember, where the Hardys are issuing an open challenge, answered by MNM.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidently dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Time to unify some tag titles at Survivor Series 2001.

WCW Tag Titles/WWF Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

In a cage. The Dudleys are WCW Champions and the Hardys are the WWF Champions and Stacy is STUNNING at this point as the Dudleys’ manager. All four belts get laid out between the guys in the ring and it’s time to go. There are tags required here and it’s Matt vs. Bubba to start. Matt can’t get anywhere so it’s off to Jeff who walks into a Boss Man Slam for two.

D-Von comes in as Heyman talks about Big Daddy Dudley which JR could not care less about. Back to Matt who rolls D-Von up for two but walks into a reverse inverted DDT for two. Bubba comes in again and drops a bunch of elbows for two. The Dudleys tag in and out a lot and it’s back to Bubba for more punching to Matt’s ribs. Bubba tries to ram Matt into the cage but Matt counters into a reverse DDT.

Off to Jeff who cleans house as everything breaks down quickly. Poetry in Motion hits Bubba and Matt climbs but D-Von makes the save. It’s pin/submission/double escape to win here and there’s a Bubba Bomb off the top to Jeff. Wouldn’t that hurt both of them equally? Bubba goes up again but Matt slams him down for two. Matt gets rammed into the cage but when the Dudleys try to do the same to Jeff, he grabs the cage and tries to climb out, only to get caught in a Doomsday Device (Paul: “WHAT A RUSH!”).

Matt gets crushed against the cage and Bubba whips D-Von into him for good measure. Bubba splashes him as well and the Dudleys are in full control. Jeff gets in a shot and Matt hits a top rope double clothesline to shift the momentum just as fast though. A DDT puts Bubba down for two and Jeff hits the legdrop between D-Von’s legs. A double backdrop takes Ray down again and the Hardys go up.

Matt hits a legdrop and Jeff hits a splash off the top at the same time for two on Bubba. Matt makes a climb but gets pulled down with one leg still stuck in the cage. What’s Up to Jeff and Bubba asks Stacy for a table. Stacy hits on Nick Patrick and picks the key out of his pocket. There’s a table in the ring now but Matt breaks up the 3D by jumping Bubba. Why D-Von didn’t flapjack Jeff through the table is anyone’s guess.

Bubba and Matt go tot he top and pound away at each other until Bubba is knocked down. Matt climbs down to escape but he’s left alone against the Dudleys. D-Von is rammed into the cage a few times and Jeff goes up as D-Von climbs onto the table for no apparent reason. Jeff looks down and sees D-Von there before diving off the top of the cage, but the Swanton misses. Bubba covers the table and therefore Jeff as well for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good brawl between these teams and it furthers the Hardys’ issues, but at the end of the day this feud was played out at this point. There was nothing left for these two teams to do and at this point it was being dragged out way too far. Still though, good match and a good way to I believe finally end this nearly two year long feud.

Take two teams and lock them in a cage at Unforgiven 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

This is in a cage and the Canadians are champions. Pin/escaping. No submissions I guess. Also Fink says you have to go over the top even though there’s a door. Both guys have to escape though. We get a clip from Smackdown of the Canadians making fun of the Hardys indy stuff. Matt took a Concharito for his troubles. Big brawl to start as JR and Cole again leave submission out as a way to win. One pin wins it I think.

Matt hits a DDT on Edge so Christian is double teamed a bit. There’s no Lita here due to her getting crushed on Smackdown. The Hardys both climb but the Canadians get back up in time. Jeff gets up for what was supposed to be a Swanton Bomb but Edge shoves him off the top of the cage to the floor with NOTHING to catch him. FREAKING OW MAN! Matt hits the Twist on Christian but Edge saves.

I’m not sure if Jeff was supposed to go out that early because there’s no point to him being out there now. JR isn’t sure if he can get back in or not. Matt gets Christian tied in the ropes and Edge in the Tree of Woe but the Canadians make the save and suplex him off the top of the cage. Matt is rammed into the cage and now Jeff is trying to get back in, failing repeatedly.

Jeff is up on top of the cage now but he gets knocked off the top for the second time in 8 minutes. And people wonder why he had such a drug habit. He steals the key to the door and slides a chair in, only to have Christian slam the door on him. Christian goes out the door which doesn’t count here because this is a messed up cage match. He brings in another chair and I think you know what’s coming.

Matt is busted. He gets beaten on a lot more and the referee asks if Matt wants it stopped. Conchaitro misses and the Canadians have sore hands. A double clothesline puts them down and Matt goes climbing. He gets his feet over but Christian saves. Jeff has a ladder and hits Christian with it, knocking him out of the cage so it’s Matt vs. Edge now. Jeff is on the ladder and Edge can’t get to him and he’s all ticked about it. Jeff goes up and it’s Swanton time. Whisper in the Wind puts him right between the two of them because we don’t need to catch him or anything like that right?

Here’s Lita who hits Christian low and ranas him off the ladder. Who else can look that good in a swimsuit and bust out a rana off a ladder like that? What a woman. She’s holding her wrist after it though. Edge pelts a chair at Jeff and goes up but since he’s a heel he’s slower than Christmas. The Hardys catch him with chairs and give him a Conchairto, sending him flying to the ring. Matt and Jeff drop down to win the titles.

Rating: B+. The weird rules hurt this as again I don’t think Jeff was supposed to go out that early. Jeff’s bumps were absolutely scary here as he fell off the top of the cage TWICE. Lita served very little purpose here but the Conchairto made up for it. Also, it was Edge and Christian vs. the Hardys. Were you expecting anything less than really good?

Very soon after the MNM match, the Hardys were in a four way ladder match at Armageddon 2006.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Daven Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. The Hardys

MNM lost the titles to Londrick and are returning here since Nitro (Morrison) is on Raw. The Hardys are also on Raw but who cares? Jeff is IC Champion and they’re not Boys anymore. The crowd is WAY behind the Hardys. The heels are sent to the floor so it’s Londrick vs. the legends. Matt and London take over but Kendrick and Jeff come back. Spin Cycle takes out London and appropriately enough the Brits come back in.

Matt and I think Nitro pick up ladders and the fight goes to the floor. The Hardys come down the aisle with ladders as Regal and Taylor try to keep them out. Just about everyone is back in now and there’s a pair of ladders. Poetry in Motion hits Regal and Taylor takes a Snapshot. Double superkick puts Regal down again and things slow down a bit.

The champs and the Hardys go at it, including Matt throwing Kendrick into a ladder HARD. Jeff goes up but London makes the save. London goes up but the Hardys save. Nitro tried a springboard move to take him out but the ladder was already down so the spot landing looked sick. Mercury is almost up there but London/Kendrick/Hardys pick up the ladder and shove Mercury over the top onto Nitro.

Poetry in Motion is attempted but London moves and Jeff crashes into the ladder. With everyone down, Kendrick makes a run but Matt saves. Neckbreaker puts Kendrick down and London hits a suplex on Regal outside. Matt gets put on a ladder leaned against the ropes so Kendrick hits a double stomp to the ribs.

Now we get to the famous part of this match. MNM sets up a see-saw thing using a pair of ladders. They put Jeff on the top and set for a double suplex but Matt makes the save. Jeff dives off and the ladder is slammed into Mercury’s face, absolutely destroying his nose. I’ve never seen more blood so fast. His nose was shattered and he would be out for a few weeks and would need 20 stitches.

Due to the injury it’s now a seven man match with the Brits in control. Half nelson release suplex sends London into the ladder. Taylor holds the ladder and Regal goes up but comes down due to fear. Taylor goes up instead but Kendrick comes in for the save. Mercury is already on his way to the hospital. Matt comes back in and hits a Twist of Fate to Taylor. Jeff sets up a ladder on the floor and tries to dive into the ring but Nitro hits a baseball slide to take out the ladder, sending Jeff’s throat into the ropes.

Nitro rides a ladder down onto Regal as a ladder is set up in the ring. Kendrick makes a save and takes Nitro down again. Matt throws Kendrick off the ladder and London has to make the save. Matt backdrops London off but the ladder falls. Jeff vs. Nitro on a ladder now and Jeff gets a big old sunset bomb and the Brits are back. They take everyone down and up they go.

Kendrick gets up there and pounds away on Regal but Taylor pulls him down again. Everyone is down and London starts crawling for the ladders. Matt is up again and goes for the same ladder. There are two ladders next to each other. Matt gets knocked down and London pulls the titles down to retain after a war.

Rating: B+. I wanted to give it an A- but it just didn’t feel right. It’s an excellent match and a great four way ladder match, despite it becoming a three and a half way part of the way through it. Londrick gets a big win here which they need and the fans get all fired up. Definitely the best match of the night (seriously, can you imagine something topping it later?) but it didn’t hit that level of the TLC matches.

The Hardys’ best known feud is with the Dudleys and Edge and Christian. The best way to deal with this was to put them in a match at Summerslam 2000. It was called TLC.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending coming in. The Boyz all battle in the ring to start but the Canadians bring in chairs. The Hardyz take them away but Bubba knocks one back into Jeff’s face. Edge and Christian get in some shots with the chairs to put everyone down and it’s ladder time. Bubba slams the ladder into Edge’s face and DDT’s Christian down as the fans want tables. Matt and Jeff come back in to powerbomb Bubba down and a second ladder is brought in.

Matt and D-Von climb up but it’s Edge climbing up as well to bring them down with a double Russian legsweep. Bubba and Christian climb up and it’s a Bubba Bomb to bring the champion back down. The fans LOVED that one for obvious reasons. Matt shoves down both ladders but Jeff sets one up and climbs for the gold. Edge pulls him down and drops him onto the other ladder, sending it flying up into Matt’s face in a painful spot.

The Conchairto misses Jeff and it’s Bubba picking up the ladder to run everyone over. What’s Up to Edge off the ladder pops the crowd a lot but the GET THE TABLES line gets them even louder. A 3D puts Christian through the table and Bubba wants to kill someone. He and D-Von stack up four tables (two by two) outside the ring and Jeff is their target. Edge saves him with a chair for some reason but Matt lays out Edge with the Twist of Fate.

Both Hardys drop legs from the ladder and Matt lays the ladder down next to Edge. Matt puts Edge inside the ladder and crushes him inside of it before throwing Christian off the top and onto the ladder, destroying Edge even worse. Jeff climbs a ladder outside the ring and tries a Swanton to Bubba but only hits the tables, knocking Jeff out cold. Christian knocks Bubba silly with a chair on the floor to put him down.

Back in the ring and the big ladder is set up with everyone but Bubba and Jeff going up. Christian hits the reverse DDT to pull Matt down and the other two go down at the same time. It’s a drunk looking Bubba coming back in and climbing the ladder but Edge and Christian gets up and shoves him through the four tables at ringside. The champions both climb but here’s Lita to shove the ladder over, crotching them both on the top rope.

Matt goes up but D-Von shoves the ladder backwards, sending Matt back first through a pair of tables in a SCARY bump. Edge spears Lita down, drawing a bad swear from JR. D-Von is climbing but somehow Jeff is on the other side. Both guys grab a belt but Edge moves the ladder, leaving both guys hanging. D-Von is knocked down and the Canadians spear Jeff in the ribs with a ladder to bring him down. Everyone else is dead so Edge and Christian go up and get the belts to retain.

Rating: A. These six guys have a great match involving ladders. Imagine that. This match holds up incredibly well but the sequel would somehow be even better. That’s the biggest problem with this match: people remember the sequel instead of this one. The table bumps in this were great with Bubba and Matt destroying anything they landed on. It’s a great carnage match and is worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in awhile.

Speaking of TLC, the team was recently in a series of matches with the Wolves and Team 3D. Here’s the final match from Impact, October 8, 2014.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Team 3D vs. Wolves

The Wolves are defending and this is Full Metal Mayhem, meaning TLC. Richards has a somewhat bad leg coming into this but he seems to be fine. It’s a big brawl to start of course with Matt hitting what looked like the Side Effect to Eddie on the apron. Bully hammers on Jeff on the floor as weapons are being sets up on the floor. Matt goes for a climb but Ray comes in for a save with a Rock Bottom.

Davey breaks up Ray’s attempt and DDTs him, only to have D-Von nail Richards a second later. Matt gets enziguried into a German suplex onto a pair of open chairs. Eddie throws Jeff into the air and Ray catches him in a Cutter for a 3D. They chop it out but Matt is back up to take both guys down. We get the Tower of Doom with Ray electric chairing Matt who superplexes Edwards. D-Von bridges a piece of barricade between the apron and some overturned steps but Davey headbutts him onto the barricade.

Ray saves his partner from a dive and powerbombs Richards down, only to miss a middle rope backsplash. He comes right back with another powerbomb to send Richards onto the barricade, giving Richards one of the most shocked looks I’ve ever seen. Back with Jeff taking a ladder to the face and D-Von cleans house with a chair.

Richards comes back with a chair of his own but this time it’s Jeff popping up to take over. The Whisper in the Wind and Swanton have Ray in trouble but he pops right back up for a brawl with Jeff on the floor. The Twisting Stunner has Ray in trouble and Jeff brings out another table. He bridges it between the turned over steps and the apron with the legs up. Jeff misses the legdrop though and crashes through the table, leaving him in a huge heap on the floor.

Back in and Ray goes up, only to have Edwards set up a ladder of his own next to it. Bully kicks him down but Matt comes in with a ladder of his own. All three go up and slug it out with Edwards getting slammed off the top. Mat and Ray grab for the belts but send them swinging around before knocking each other off with Matt flying into a ladder.

Davey and Matt slug it out with Hardy getting the better of it and bringing in another table. Everyone heads outside again with Matt climbing about halfway up a huge ladder to legdrop Davey through a table. Richards has taken one heck of a beating here. D-Von cleans house with the ladder and brings in the big ladder to make thing even more fun. Team 3D loads up What’s Up but Edwards shoves D-Von to the floor.

Davey goes up the big ladder but gets shoved onto the floor and head first into the barricade. The Hardys make another save with chairs and put Ray on two tables. Jeff goes up top of the big ladder but Davey shoves it over, sending Hardy into a HUGE splash onto Ray for a horrible looking crash. Davey and Matt slug it out on top of the ladder but Edwards makes a save and powerbombs Matt through a table, allowing Davey to take down the belts for the win at 23:52.

Rating: A. I came into this show thinking this match wasn’t going to be able to live up to its hype and they got me. This was an AWESOME match with a ton of high spots and some insane looking bumps. The fact that they didn’t save this for Bound For Glory shows you just how much they don’t care about that show this year. Excellent match and one of the best things TNA has done in years.

The Hardys had a reunion in 2007 and would defend the belts in a ladder match at One Night Stand 2007.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

This should be awesome. Hardys are champions coming in. Big brawl to start but that’s the point of this match I suppose. Haas takes down both Hardys with a double clothesline and here come the ladders. All four have ladders so the Hardys throw theirs at their opponents’ and put a pair in corners. Haas gets buried under a pair of ladders in the corner and Shelton is pushed on top of them.

The Hardys start being the Hardys in a ladder match and dominate quickly but make a mental mistake (the Hardys? Nah) and both go up at once, only for Shelton to toss a ladder at them and take over. They work on Jeff’s leg and send him into a ladder in the corner so softly that the fans boo it. When do you EVER hear of a spot being booed in a ladder match? Haas and Benjamin both go up but they have the same issue the Hardys had and we all come down again.

Shelton dropkicks a ladder into Matt’s face and the World’s Greatest Tag Team takes over all over again. They set up a pair of ladders in a sea-saw pattern and according to rule 2 of ladder matches, they both get slammed onto it. Here come the Hardys again and a double clothesline takes everyone not named Shelton to the floor. The Hardys bring in the huge ladders and set one between the ring and the railing.

Shelton blocks a suplex through said ladder though, until Matt backdrops Shelton onto a ladder which he just bounces off. The ladder is bent and Jeff isn’t happy. He thinks to himself by George (and bonds. Pills. Maybe some cocaine too. My band’s album because no one else will) I want him to go through that ladder but Haas makes a last second save.

Matt takes Charlie down and goes up himself, only to get shoved onto the top rope. You know the move Haas and Benjamin do where Haas holds a guy up on the top and Shelton jumps on his back? Well here they use a ladder instead of a rope and Shelton jumps to the floor onto Matt’s back and more or less destroys it in an awesome looking spot. Charlie goes up but here’s your friendly resident drug addict (Jeff in case you thought Matt got up that fast) for a superplex off the ladder to the mat.

Everyone is down now and Jeff has a glazed over look in his eye. In other words, everything is normal with him. In one of the best accidental spots I’ve ever seen, Shelton tries to springboard from the apron to the ladder to stop Jeff but slips and flips forward, kicking the ladder over. JR actually does a decent job of making it sound intentional. Matt shoves Shelton off and starts climbing up two ladders at once. Everyone goes up and it’s a four way fight. The Hardys go down but maintain enough composure to shove their opponents off. Swanton kills Haas and Matt gets the belts to retain.

Rating: B+. Pretty good tag team ladder match here as they let all four guys go in there and just do their thing which is the right idea more often than not. Also they had time (seventeen minutes) here which helped a lot as well. Very hard hitting match here as they managed to make the older spots look good again. Rather good match and not much to complain about at all here.

Before TLC, there was a triangle ladder match at Wrestlemania XVI.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

Another match from the TNA series on Impact, September 17, 2014.

Wolves vs. Hardys vs. Team 3D

This is a ladder match and only the Wolves can’t win the series here. The Wolves charge the ring to start the brawl and an ECW chant already starts up. The champions send the Hardys and Team 3D to the floor for back to back suicide dives. We get the first ladder brought in but Richards has to stop to kick Ray in the head. Ray and Matt both get hit by the ladder with Ray being driven back into the corner.

Jeff kicks the ladder into the Wolves and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put both champions down. We get the required helicopter spot with the ladder on Ray’s head before he just drops the ladder on Richards’ back. What’s Up crushes Davey even more but Matt breaks up an attempt to get the tables. Edwards stops Matt from pulling down the belts but D-Von pushes the ladder over to send both guys into the ropes.

We take a break and come back with Ray powerbombing Jeff onto a pile of ladders, knocking another ladder into Eddie and Matt’s faces. Ray sets up a ladder but the Wolves powerbomb him down for a save. The Wolves, D-Von and Matt all climb up until Davey and D-Von knock each other off and Matt hits a Twist of Fate on Eddie. Jeff loads up a ladder in the corner and tries to jump over it but Ray gets up and superplexes him down with Jeff’s feet hitting the titles on the way down.

Davey hammers away on D-Von in the corner until Ray slaps him HARD across the back to set up a Doomsday Device. Now the Hardys start cleaning house with the ladder and hit double Twists of Fate to Team 3D. Matt moonsaults Ray and Jeff Swantons D-Von in a cool spot. Poetry in Motion crushes Eddie against a ladder as the Hardys are in total control. They lay Davey onto a ladder and Matt holds it up for a splash from Jeff.

Team 3D comes back with tables but the Wolves bring in chairs (fans: “TLC!”). Davey double stomps Matt through a table at ringside, leaving Eddie to climb for the belts. Jeff is right there with him but Davey shoves the ladder over, sending Jeff ribs first onto a ladder. Eddie pulls down the belts to tie the series up at 18:10.

Rating: B. I think we’ve established that these three teams are going to be awesome no matter what they do. It’s obvious that they’re setting up a TLC match (even though that’s what this was) for the final match and that’s the logical choice. Unfortunately I’m not sure where they can go after this as the division could crash back down to earth after Bound For Glory. Still though, at least it’s great stuff while it lasts.

Here’s one of the original ladder matches from No Mercy 1999.

Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

They’re the New Brood here but you get the idea. The winner gets $100,000 and Terri. This is the night where these four broke through to the other side and changed the company for more or less ever. Keep in mind, none of the spots you’re about to see have ever been seen in the company before so this is all new stuff. What you have here is four guys being told to go out there and just do it. I’ve long since thought this WWF’s answer to the cruiserweights.

This is the Terri Invitational Tournament. Spell it out for yourselves. We start on the floor and this should be awesome. It’s a fight to get to the ladders. I’ve never gotten why you need to get to the ladder first. It’s not like that means you win or anything. I remember in War Games 2000 in WCW you had to get the belt down and leave with it. Kevin Nash just stood at the door. He didn’t have to do anything but leave with the belt, so why risk getting hurt to go up there and get it?

Let someone else do the work. First ladder is brought in and down goes Edge. The reactions to this are great. The fans are gasping at every spot which is what you want: to get the crowd excited. We’ve been in this match maybe four minutes and it’s already way ahead of the rest of the show. Oh Gangrel was thrown out. Swanton to Edge onto a ladder. Looking back this isn’t that great by comparison but it’s still very fun.

You have to keep in mind that there is nothing to compare it to at the moment. This is the first multi-man ladder match so this is just mind blowing. Also it’s the first time that there isn’t a big man like Ramon in there. These guys are designed for matches like this and it’s working really well. Edge is almost there and Matt just chucks a ladder at him. That was cool.

Matt’s crotch gets crushed. You know, it occurs to me that in storyline, Matt and Edge dated Lita, in the Christian/Jericho and Lita/Trish angle it was Christian and Lita and Jeff and Lita had a small thing once Matt was gone. Dang that girl gets around. Everyone is down now as Christian takes a Twist of Fate. Second ladder is set up. Jeff takes a Downward Spiral from the ladder.

The great thing about a ladder is that while most of the spots are from about the level of the second rope, having a ladder involved makes it seem cooler. The see-saw spot debuts and Christian and Matt get slammed in the face with it. These things never get old. The look on Edge’s face with him laying on his back with his eyes open is great. All four go up at once and all four come down with all four landing on the ropes.

Crowd is going nuts mind you. The roof camera view is pretty awesome actually. Edge climbs one ladder, Christian and Jeff climb another. Matt slams the ladder with two guys into the other ladder so Edge falls. Jeff jumps from one ladder to the other and knocks Edge off to grab the money. SWEET ENDING.

Rating: A. Just yes. This is the reason to see this PPV. This match just changed the WWF forever as they set the standard for awesome matches with ladders. The fans ate this up like no other and it still definitely holds up today. Just a great match and unfortunately one of the forgotten matches in the series.

Here’s the second match in the series from Impact on September 10, 2014.

Tag Team Title Series: Team 3D vs. Wolves vs. Hardys

The Wolves are defending but only 3D can win the titles here. This is a tables match where only one person has to go through a table for the win. Everyone quickly heads outside and the fans already want tables. Bully and Matt hammer away on each other inside with Matt getting caught in What’s Up. Team 3D wants tables and draws the loudest pop of the night so far. The Wolves try to baseball slide the table into their faces but get blasted with it instead. The Hardys’ baseball slide connects though and we take a break.

Back with D-Von moving the table to save the match, earning him a dropkick from Eddie. Ray tries a Doomsday Device to Edwards but Jeff and Davey make the save. Davey fights off both members of Team 3D but walks into a hard double shoulder. The Hardys set up a table in the corner but Jeff misses a dropkick to drive himself through the table instead. Team 3D loads up another table on the ramp and try a suplex on Matt until the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives for the save.

Jeff bridges a table upside down between the steps and the apron and sets up the legs to make it even more dangerous. Edwards takes him down with a big dive though and it’s Matt vs. Davey in the ring now. Team 3D breaks it up and slides in the table that Jeff set up outside. The Wolves take them out though and break the corner off the table in the process. Jeff dives over the top to take out Bully and Matt gives Eddie an elevated Twist of Fate out of the corner. Eddie is laid on a table and Jeff nails a Swanton through for the win at 15:16.

Rating: B-. It’s a really good main event though not as good as the regular match they had a few weeks back. The series is the best thing TNA has going right now and while it’s not going to last long term, it’s enjoyable while it’s lasting and that’s all it needs to do. Goods tuff here and I’m sure the finals at Bound For Glory will rock.

Here’s their first Tag Team Title win from Fully Loaded 1999.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardys/Michael Hayes

Yep it’s a handicap match. At this point I had zero clue which was Matt and which was Jeff. We start in the aisle where they just leave the belts. Who would have thought two of these four would win world titles? I don’t think this has started yet. According to Ross it has. Ah there’s the bell so Ross was wrong.

We have Farrooq and Jeff in there to start while Bradshaw beats up both guys on the floor. Matt takes out everyone with a top rope moonsault. They really were great fliers back in the day. Hayes is pretty freaking worthless here but what did you really expect? The APA takes over with just power. Matt picks to tag Hayes. Why in the world would you do that? We get a Freebird reference so I’m good for the night. There’s Jeff. Crowd is DEAD for this.

I think Lita helped them a good bit to say the least. The Hardys simply aren’t that good at this point. Bradshaw gets a nice belly to back suplex off the top. Not bad. Jeff clocks him with Hayes’ cane over the head. Poetry in Motion is still very much a work in progress here. Hayes comes in and a double powerbomb gives the APA their titles back. Edge, Christian and a ladder would be coming soon.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it at all. Hayes was just in the way here as he’s old and most of the people here don’t know what he used to be nor do they care more than likely. The Hardys would dump him maybe the next night. Either way, the APA would lose the belts to Kane and X-Pac two weeks later so this was just to get Hayes out of the Hardy picture.

And of course the first match in the TNA series on Impact, August 27, 2014.

Hardys vs. Team 3D vs. Wolves

This is the first match of a Tag Team Series where the first team to win two matches wins the Tag Team Titles. Whoever wins each match gets to pick the stipulation for the next match. This is just a usual triple threat tag. Richards and Ray get things going after a break. The champions (the Wolves) start on Ray’s arm but he comes back with right hands to Davey’s head. A hard chop puts Richards down and Davey says bring it on. That earns him another chop but the fans aren’t interested in starting a 3D chant.

The tag brings in D-Von but Eddie kicks him right back into a tag to Ray. Matt tags himself in and things are already breaking down. Poetry in Motion has Eddie in trouble but Davey comes out with a clothesline to break it up. Team 3D lays out Davey for two as Ray leaves rather than loading up their namesake. Now it’s the Hardys working over Davey with Jeff kicking him in the back for two.

Matt works over the arm but everything breaks down again. The Wolves duck a double clothesline from the Hardys and hit stereo suicide dives on Team 3D, only to have Poetry In Motion take them down, followed by a moonsault from Matt to take everyone down again. Back in and Eddie enziguris Matt into a German suplex but Jeff makes a last second save. Eddie breaks up the Twist of Fate and D-Von tags himself in.

The Wolves throw him into a kick to the chest and hit the double top rope double stomps for two. Davey escapes a Twist of Fate and kicks Matt in the head, only to miss a top rope double stomp. Now the Twist connects on Richards, setting up the Swanton from Jeff. Edwards kicks him down though and rolls up D-Von for two. 3D out of nowhere is enough to pin Edwards at 9:06.

Rating: B+. That might be a bit high but I was really digging this match. It was exactly what it was supposed to be and you can pretty much guarantee that each team will get to win a match before the big showdown at the final. Odds are we’ll be getting a tables match next and hopefully it’s as good as this.

Here’s a great forgotten match from the 2000 Royal Rumble.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Is there anything else to wrap it up with? From Wrestlemania X7.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

The Dudleys are the champions coming in. There’s no story to it, but was there ever to one of these things? Edge and Christian get double teamed to start and the Dudleyz hit a double flapjack on Christian. Both sets of Boys fight in the corner with Jeff hitting Poetry in Motion on both at once. Cue Edge and Christian again with the ladder before Edge brings in a chair. The Canadians put Matt in the Tree of Woe and stand on his crotch. No wonder Lita left him for Edge.

Edge stats to climb but Matt makes the stop and goes up himself. That goes badly for him of course as Edge uses the chair as a stepping stone to take Matt down with a clothesline. Jeff dropkicks Edge off the ladder before joining with his brother to dropkick a ladder into the Dudleys’ faces. There are two ladders in the ring now in opposite corners. Christian is slammed down and hit with a stereo splash/legdrop from the Hardys. The Dudleys are back in now and there’s What’s Up.

It’s Table Time with Edge being placed on the first one, but Jeff tries a hurricanrana to Bubba, only to be powerbombed through Edge through the table. This is nonstop action so far. The Dudleys set up four tables at ringside as Paul tells us of Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Currently there’s a table in the corner and three ladders in the ring. Bubba picks up a ladder and CRACKS Matt in the head with it before setting it up next to the other two. All three are set up in a row in the middle of the ring so here’s a six way climb.

Matt and Christian go flying first with Matt landing on the ropes and Christian falling all the way to the floor. Jeff and D-Von fall into the opposite ropes and Edge and Bubba fall backwards, to put all six guys down. Edge is the only one halfway standing and Christian sets up a table on the floor. Bubba dumps a ladder to the floor to clear the ring out a bit as Spike Dudley, Bubba and D-Von’s cousin, runs in. He hits Edge low and puts Christian through a table with the Dudley Dog off the apron.

Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno runs in and destroys everyone in sight before sending Edge up the ladder to get the belts. Cue Lita to jerk Edge off. The ladder. Anyway with the thong sticking WAY out, Rhyno picks her up but gets hit low by Spike. Lita goes up for a rana on Rhyno and Spike cracks him in the head with a chair, sending Rhyno into the ladder, knocking Edge into the ropes. A Doomsday Device puts Rhyno down again but Lita CRACKS Spike in the head with a chair. She then takes off her top, giving us the biggest pop of the night. Not that it matters as she walks into a 3D and is now done for the match.

The Canadians come back in with chairs to take the champions out before Christian brings out the huge ladder. It’s on the floor but it’s still taller than the ones in the ring. Jeff, ever the crazy man, goes ALL THE WAY to the top and hits a Swanton onto Spike and Rhyno (read as Rhyno barely gets hit and Spike takes every bit of it). The super ladder is set up in the ring now and it’s a race between D-Von and Christian. Matt moves the ladder away, leaving both guys hanging from the cord holding the belts.

Both guys fall down, but Jeff gets up on a regular ladder and tries to walk on the other small ladders like a tightrope. Jeff loses his balance though and has to hang from the cord as well. Bubba grabs the ladder and walks away with it while Jeff’s feet are still in it, pulling Jeff’s body back. The feet pull away and Jeff swings forward, right into a spear from Edge off the super ladder, drawing a BIG gasp from the crowd. That’s the spot that made everyone realize Edge was going to be something VERY special.

Matt and Bubba go up on the super ladder, but Rhyno shoves it over, sending them crashing through the four tables at ringside. D-Von goes up now but Edge grabs his feet, allowing Rhyno to give Christian enough of a boost to beat D-Von to the top and get the titles, finally ending this carnage.

Rating: A+. If you’re looking for pure insanity and non-stop violence, this is the pinnacle of the genre. These nine people went for over fifteen minutes and never once stopped beating on each other. The spots are insane and the big spots still have you in awe. This match holds up incredibly well and is just as impressive as it was twelve years ago. Absolute masterpiece that blows away every MITB match that I can remember.

If there’s a better team in gimmick matches, I’ve yet to see them. These two insane guys from North Carolina have been flying around and breaking stuff (namely themselves) for years now and it’s still entertaining. They may not be the best regular team in the world, but they’re an excellent combination and there’s always something special to seeing two brothers together. There’s a natural bond there that you just can’t fake and they’re as good as anybody at it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today’s Wrestler of the Day loves the way Stallone says YO in Rocky: Funaki.

We’ll pick things up at the usually awesome Super J Cup in 1995.

Super J Cup First Round: Sho Funaki vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon seems to be the heel here. He steps on Funaki’s back to start but has to escape a Fujiwara Armbar attempt. Instead Funaki puts on a leg bar to send Dragon rolling out to the apron. A plancha takes Dragon out again and Funaki goes back to the leg. Back up and they slug it out with Funaki taking over again with a headlock. Funaki grabs another leg lock so Dragon slaps him in the face and puts on one of his own.

They keep fighting over the leg locks with Funaki getting the better of it and keeping Dragon on the mat. Dragon grabs his own leg lock at the same time before they both get back up. A botched hurricanrana takes Funaki down and a Lionsault press gets two. No selling of the leg to be found in case you were expecting any for some reason. A fisherman’s buster gets two for Funaki but Dragon pops back to his feet and hits a hurricanrana followed by a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. When half of the match is spent with both guys working a leg and then both guys popping up for speed and high flying stuff, it’s really hard to care about the first half of the match. They looked like they were setting up something good but it wound up being all for naught because selling didn’t seem to exist here.

Off to the WWF now with one of Funaki’s first matches taking place at In Your House XXII.

Kaientai vs. Taka Michinoku/Justin Bradshaw

Kaientai is a three man team (Dick Togo, Sho Funaki and Mens Teioh) who has been attacking Taka for reasons not quite clear. Bradshaw has befriended the much smaller Taka and is backing him up tonight. The good guys (the two) jump Kaientai to start, sending them out to the floor. Bradshaw launches Taka over the top to take them all out until we get down to Taka vs. Funaki. A clothesline puts Taka down but it’s quickly off to Bradshaw, sending Funaki running to the floor for a conference.

Bradshaw gets tired of waiting and chases everyone around until we get down to Taka vs. Togo. Taka hits a tornado DDT for two but everyone else come in, leading to Bradshaw and Michinoku cleaning house again. Back in and Togo gets a sitout wheelbarrow slam to take over ad it’s off to Teioh. A big boot to the face and a release butterfly suplex gets two on Taka and a cannonball attack off the top puts Taka down again.

We hit the chinlock on Michinoku before a powerslam gets two more. Togo comes in off the top with something resembling a Swanton Bomb before it’s back to Funaki for a sleeper. Kaientai starts cheating again with Teioh distracting the referee so Funaki can put on a camel clutch and Togo can hit a quick dropkick to Taka’s face.

Michinoku finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Bradshaw with the big man cleaning house. Togo hits him low though and Kaientai literally uses Bradshaw as a pedestal to pose. Bradshaw throws them all off and cleans house again but Taka’s Michinoku Driver only gets two on Togo. Teioh and Bradshaw head to the floor, allowing Togo to hit a top rope senton backsplash for the pin on Taka.

Rating: C. This is one of those matches that was better than the crowd reaction would suggest. The fans didn’t quite get this style yet and in an old school town like Milwaukee, the reaction really isn’t surprising. Bradshaw wasn’t much of a factor here but Kaientai bouncing off of him was fun stuff.

Now for a very fun handicap match from Summerslam 1998.

Oddities vs. Kaientai

The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.

Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.

Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.

Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.

Funaki wrestled on Raw, May 24, 1999, more commonly known as Raw Is Owen.

Hardy Boys vs. Kaientai

The Hardys don’t mean much at all and are low level heels with Michael Hayes managing them. Kaientai rushes the ring and it’s on fast. Double teaming to Matt as the foreigners take over to start. Swanton Bomb (not called that yet) to the floor to Taka by Jeff as the Hardys have taken over.

Jeff tries a Phoenix Splash (moonsault with a twist into a 450) but eats canvas. Michinoku Driver gets no cover and it’s a double tag. Funaki and Matt hit the floor and Hayes interferes. Taka takes both Hardys out as the crowd isn’t that impressed. And the Twist of Fate ends Funaki. Nothing match so no rating.

Time for some hardcore hijinks at Wrestlemania 2000.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kaientai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

Same idea at Unforgiven 2000.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

Kaientai would become a regular tag team and speak in some usually funny dubbed English voices with Funaki’s only line being a deep INDEED. Here they are on Raw, January 15, 2001.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kaientai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kaientai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

And again on Raw, April 23, 2001.

Kaientai vs. Right to Censor

Goodfather/Buchanan this time. The Japanese guys head to the back to get John Elway jerseys to make the crowd love them. They still can’t quite get the lip synching thing right. Paul: “Their lips don’t match!” Jim: “Get out of here!” Another good one: Jim: “The RTC is on a bad losing streak. It’s almost as bad as my broadcast partner’s losing streak with women.” This commentary is on tonight. The RTC fights them off early but it breaks down fast. Buchanan gets crotched but manages to catch a diving Taka. Funaki dropkicks Taka down onto Buchanan and hooks the foot for the surprise pin. This was again nothing.

Time to hit the syndicated shows with Metal on January 26, 2002.

Funaki vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn gets rolled up for a pair of twos to start and Funaki nails him with a low dropkick to the head. Things slow down a bit as Saturn takes a breather, only to come back with a superkick for two. Funaki gets hammered even more and sent flying with an overhead belly to belly. A quick Majistral cradle gets two on Saturn and Funaki follows it up with a high cross body. Coach and Kelly are talking about racism and dancing the Charleston before Funaki gets caught in a kneeling shoulder hold (called the Rings of Saturn here but not the traditional hold) for the submission.

Rating: D. They knew they were on a show no one was going to watch here and wrestled accordingly. This was a glorified squas that just kept going despite it not having any real interest. Saturn is a guy that can go when he’s motivated but that certainly wasn’t the case here. Is it any real surprise that he was gone in a few months?

He would get a singles match at Rebellion 2002.

Funaki vs. Crash Holly

See what I mean about not the most interesting matches? This is Crash’s UK debut apparently. The fans are WAY behind Funaki here. Fast start which doesn’t really get us anywhere. Crash pulls out a Japanese flag (called the British flag by the idiotic announcers) bandana and it’s a kung fu match apparently.

Crash takes over and we hit the chinlock. This show is getting very boring very quickly indeed. Apparently the winner of this might get a Cruiserweight Title shot. Both get rollups for two. Crash attempts an Oklahoma Roll but Funaki lays down on him and gets the pin. This was another rather short match with nothing special about it at all.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything but sweet goodness this has been a boring show and this match didn’t help it. The problem is that there’s no point to this and it’s nothing but filler and everyone knows it. Not a bad match or anything like I said but it would be nice to have something actually matter.

Time for a tag match on Smackdown, April 3, 2003.

Tajiri/Funaki vs. Team Angle

Haas and Benjamin are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. The champions clean house to start and Benjamin offers a mock bow to Funaki. Tajiri comes in for some jumping jacks and makes things even worse for his partner. A hard double back elbow puts Funaki down and Haas tells him to tag his partner. Tajiri cleans house with his kicks to the face but Charlie takes him down with a belly to back suplex for two.

Benjamin jumps over Haas’ back to land on Tajiri for two more and we hit the Boston Crab. Funaki finally makes a save so Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow to put the champions down. A hot tag brings in Funaki for some chops and a high cross body for two on Haas. Everything breaks down and Shelton charges into the Tarantula. Haas escapes the tornado DDT though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here even though I like most of the guys in the match. Funaki didn’t do much in this one and it brought the match down a little bit. Haas and Benjamin were fresh off keeping the titles at Wrestlemania and needed a new team to beat up so why not go the ethnic route?

Back to the hardcore days at Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny.

There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

We’re going to jump a good bit ahead for a glorified thank you at Armageddon 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.

That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.

Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.

Time to put someone over on Smackdown, August 25, 2005.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Funaki

This is Kennedy’s Smackdown debut. Kennedy grabs the mic before the match and doesn’t buy Funaki as Smackdown’s #1 announcer in a cute line. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but walks into a right hand and gets armdragged down into an armbar. Funaki misses a cross body though and goes crashing out to the floor. Mr. misses a kind of running stomp but counters a tornado DDT by crotching Funaki on the top rope. The rolling fireman’s carry from the middle rope is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. Decent debut here but the fireman’s carry looked like something that was setting up a bigger move. That’s the problem with Kennedy’s early days: it took him a long time to pick a finisher until he settled on the Mic Check and it made him seem like he didn’t know how to end a match.

Funaki would be put into the Cruiserweight Title hunt again, starting at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

And again at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Here’s one of his less competitive matches on Smackdown, March 21, 2008.

Kung Fu Naki vs. Edge

Edge is World Heavyweight Champion but this is of course non-title. Feeling out process to start with Edge quickly snapmaring him down and smirking. Edge gets bored with the easy stuff and kicks Funaki’s head off to put him into the corner. A swinging neckbreaker drops Funaki again and Edge slowly punches him around the ring. The spear connects out of nowhere but Edge pulls him up at two. Instead he tombstones Funaki to send a message to the Undertaker before this Sunday’s Wrestlemania.

Rating: D. This was more story development than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Edge beating up Funaki is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone so why not do something like this? The wrestling didn’t need to mean anything and Funaki was treated like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. In other words, he made the champ look good like he was supposed to.

We’ll wrap up Funaki’s WWE run with this match on Smackdown, January 30, 2009. Funaki is now Kung Fu Naki, who had one of the most awesome theme songs ever.

Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki

Funaki walks into a superkick, gets crushed with the hips in the corner, and Samoan Spiked for the pin.

One more match at TNA One Night Only: World Cup of Wrestling with Funaki being brought in as a member of Team International.

Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)

Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.

The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.

An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.

Funaki is a guy that was never going to be considered anything serious and there’s nothing wrong with that. You knew he was going to job 95% of the time but it was really nice to see a title reign as kind of a thank you. He was watchable in the ring and had some funny bits at times, so what more can you ask for? Funaki was a decent guy indeed.

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