Monday Night Raw – September 12, 2011 – HHH 1, Punk 0

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 12, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Place, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

It’s the go home show for Night of Champions and we still have no midcard title matches. The show should be interesting but I’m not wild on them giving us HHH vs. Punk already. Anyway tonight we’re in Canada or Bizarro Land as WWE likes to call it. According to Del Rio on a radio show Bret will be there and there’s nothing wrong with bringing him in for a Canada show. Let’s get to it.

Alberto is in the ring to open the show and he talks about not getting respect. He lists off some accomplishments such as retiring Edge, injuring Rey and beating Punk at Summerslam. He wants respect and here’s Bret. He talks about how you get respect and how Del Rio is all flash and talk. Bret is stumbling over lines and misspeaking. He’s got his glasses on so he might be a bit drunk. Del Rio says Breth is old and looks like an illegal Canadian that cleans his house.

Del Rio threatens him with violence and here’s Cena. Cena says he sees a Hall of Famer. He talks about how Del Rio has run from Cena for weeks now and says he should drive back to Mexico. Cena gets in a good line, listing off features of the cars (Cena being a known car guy) and saying Del Rio has no idea what he’s talking about. He says let’s fight right now and Del Rio agrees. Cena is STUNNED, but Del Rio means Cena vs. Ricardo Cena says the crowd noise makes him have ideas and the crowd actually cheers him. He suggests Alberto vs. Bret for the title tonight. Bret takes off the jacket and glasses and the fans erupt.

And never mind as Johnny Ace comes out and makes a tag match instead.

Alex Riley/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

Only Morrison gets the tail end of an entrance here. That’s a good way to save some time. Morrison and Ziggy start us off with Morrison taking over, hitting a huge Beautiful Disaster (yes I know that’s what Cody calls it but it’s the same move) and Ziggler sells it perfectly. Morrison misses a charge into the corner and his arm hits the post. Big elbow drop gets two for Dolph.

A double tag brings in Riley and Swagger with Riley hitting a worse than usual spinebuster. He clears house and hits an STO on Swagger for two. He needs to stick with the DDT and tries one on Swagger but is countered into the ankle lock. Riley rolls through it to send Swagger into Ziggler. A TKO ends Swagger at 2:50 with Ziggler not breaking up the pin despite there being no one to stop him. Ziggler yells at Vickie post match, calling Swagger a loser.

Miz and Truth take a walk with a mic and says just getting a tag match isn’t enough to calm them down. Miz does the talking and runs down the talking segment with HH and Punk later. Truth says he thinks HHH has made a good decision. Miz: “Really?” Truth: “Ninja please!” Miz: “What did you just say?” Truth: “I said Ninja WAZZAH please”. That was one of the funniest lines I’ve heard in a long time.

They come into the arena minus music (nice touch of realism) and Truth says HHH is COO. If you say that twice you get Cuckoo, and that’s what HHH is. The two of them should be in the main event of every PPV and they’ll prove it right now.

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

This is after a break. Kofi does his thing and speeds it up to start. They exchange leapfrogs and go to the floor in a heap. Bourne and Truth glare at each other as we take a break. Back with Miz holding a chinlock until he shifts to ram Kofi’s head into the mat for what looked like three but was called two. They seem off for some reason. Kofi hits a jumping double stomp and both guys are down.

This match is a mess and I can’t get into it at all. Kofi starts his comeback and misses the kick but Truth gets involved anyway. He trips Kofi a bit and Miz is able to hit the Finale (screw writing out the whole title even though it would have been shorter than this part I’m writing here) for the pin at 8:39 total.

Rating: D. I know this is probably low and I won’t defend it that much but dang man I couldn’t get into this. There was nothing here that made me want to watch the match and I was terribly bored by it. They were a step off the whole way through and it didn’t work for me. I could see some people liking it though.

Teddy tells Vickie that the tag match earlier will be a fatal fourway for the US Title Sunday and Vickie freaks. Kelly is allegedly looking at them so Vickie yells at her. Vickie says she could beat Kelly. You know the rest.

We get a clip of Lawler/Ryder beating Otunga/McGillicutty last week. Tonight it’s a rematch and Lawler has a mystery partner. They’re in the ring and run their mouths a bit about how awesome they are. Lawler says McGillicutty has nothing on his daddy and Otunga failed his charisma classes at Harvard. Here’s the partner.

Jerry Lawler/Sheamus vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty

Gee Lawler got over Sheamus kicking his head off in MSG a few years back. Lawler starts with Otunga but off to McMynameshouldbeJoeHennig quickly. If you can’t figure out what’s happening in this, too bad because I’m not feeling the review for it. Sheamus, Brogue Kick, Celtic Cross, McGillicutty, 2:30. The former champs were on offense about 20 seconds and I think you can fill in the blanks yourselves.

Ricardo is doing push-ups when Del Rio comes in to yell at him. He drinks….an aphrodisiac….and goes back to push-ups. Weird.

Bret Hart/John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez

Cena and Ricardo start us off and John plays matador with his shirt. I prefer Tito. The match is exactly what you would expect: Del Rio runs away while Cena destroys Ricardo. Del Rio comes in for a bit and doesn’t stay in long. Alberto finally leaves and after Cena leaves him laying, Bret hooks a Sharpshooter for the submission at 3:15. Total comedy match.

Rating: C. What were you expecting here? I won’t call this a failure because the point of this was to let the fans see their hero and see him put the Sharpshooter on someone for an easy submission. There’s not a thing wrong with that at all and that worked fine. However the lack of anything resembling a build for Cena vs. Del Rio has me not caring even more. Fine for what it was.

Video on 9/11 and Smackdown airing two days later. That was indeed cool. Cena is narrating this.

Kelly Kelly vs. Vickie Guerrero

Kelly embarrasses her for a bit and then Jack comes down after Dolph. They get into an argument and Kelly rolls up a distracted Vickie at 1:20.

This show has been….what’s the right word…..REALLY BORING.

Video on HHH. He’s back in the ring on Sunday. I never would have gotten that guys.

Mark Henry says he’ll be champion Sunday and he wants to be.

Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody pounds Randy down into the corner and that doesn’t go all that well for him. Henry comes out so Orton grabs a chair and starts walking up the ramp, making Henry leave. Rhodes tries to jump him and that doesn’t go well at all. Orton stomps him down in the corner and beats up Rhodes a bit. Henry comes back with a chair of his own and sits down on the stage.

Orton goes up after him but is unarmed as the chair he had was dropped between the ring and stage. He goes back to Rhodes instead and walks into a Beautiful Disaster off the apron as we take a break. Back with Rhodes holding a crossface chicken wing and working on the arm. There’s a fan in the crowd with an old school IC Belt. Henry moves the chair closer to the ring. Rhodes escapes the elevated DDT but Orton escapes CrossRhodes and hits the DDT anyway. It’s RKO time and Henry gets up and onto the steps, distracting Orton enough for a mask shot. CrossRhodes ends this at 10:24. Expect a rubber match Friday.

Rating: C. Not as good as Friday but not bad. Henry distracting Orton was good as he’s getting into his head and making him lose. Rhodes getting exposure like this is a good thing and the pin not being clean means nothing for the most part, at least to me. Not much here but for the main event this was ok, especially on a throwaway show like this one.

Henry hits him with a chair post match and yells a lot.

We get a quick recap of last week with HHH and Nash imploding.

Here are HHH and Punk for the final encounter. They talk about how Punk is held down because of the bodybuilder fetish and HHH retorts with Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and someone else that I don’t remember. Punk says the company doesn’t listen to the fans which HHH disagrees with. Punk talks about the fans cheering for him at MSG and then nothing happened.

HHH runs down Punk’s resume and says those sound like opportunities to him. He’s got a great point there. HHH references the Cena story Punk told a few weeks ago and talks about Cena being the biggest star in this business by winning the fans over. He’s absolutely right. HHH talks about how it’s all about the fans and Punk cuts him off, saying they’re cheering for me. HHH gets in the reality though: where have those fans been the last six years?

HHH goes on a huge rant about how Punk has a different philosophy and he’s wrong. He goes on a better rant about how this is personal and not business because Punk made it personal. Punk says this is about change and this isn’t Punk talking to HHH. It’s Phil Brooks talking to Paul Levesque. The mic cuts out on Punk but then it comes on for HHH. It goes off again for Punk and Punk freaks.

HHH doesn’t get what’s going on and gets another mic. HHH hands it to Punk and it goes upside his head. Punk leaves him laying to end the show. The intensity from HHH was great here and he leaves Punk saying something like “well yeah I haven’t drawn ever and I was given a bunch of chances and I never really got them to work except this one but I’m still the best because I say so.”

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the least interesting Raws I’ve seen in years. There were long stretches where I was barely paying attention to the show. Point blank, that NEVER happens with me. I get that Monday Night Football is back but could they have something resembling effort? I have no idea who Cody is facing, I have zero desire to see Cena vs. Del Rio and Punk vs. HHH didn’t need more of a build. Bad show this week and in a boring way.

 

Results
Alex Riley/John Morrison b. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger – TKO to Swagger
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston – Skull Crushing Finale
Sheamus/Jerry Lawler b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Celtic Cross to McGillicutty
John Cena/Bret Hart b. Ricardo Rodriguez/Alberto Del Rio – Sharpshooter to Rodriguez
Kelly Kelly b. Vickie Guerrero – Rollup
Cody Rhodes b. Randy Orton – CrossRhodes




Terry Funk’s Wrestlefest – Now Here’s Something You Don’t See Every Day

Terry Funk’s Wrestlefest
Date: September 11, 1997
Location: Amarillo Fair Grounds, Amarillo, Texas
Attendance: 4,000
Commentator: Joey Styles

Now most of you likely have no clue what this is. I had heard of it but that’s it until I found it online. This is a show Funk put together for no apparent reason other than he was planning on retiring for about the 9th time. This is a three way cross promotional event, with FMW, ECW and WWF contributing guys.

And when I say WWF guys, I don’t mean no names. I mean Mankind and Bret Hart with Hart defending the WWF Title against Funk in the main event. Now how does that sound? RVD is on the box but there’s no sign of him on the card. I think he’s in a dark match or something.  Let’s get to it.

The lighting kind of sucks but whatever. We’re told that Fritz Von Erich passed away the day before, putting this at September 11, 1997, a Thursday. Ok then. He gets a ten bell salute and the bell sounds like nothing I’ve ever heard before. This is very low budget to say the least, but at this time WCW was dominating wrestling so it’s not like they could afford much.

Roadkill vs. W*ING Kanemura

Roadkill isn’t Amish yet and is just a New York guy. Kanemura for those of you that haven’t heard of him is freaking crazy. This is a ten minute time limit so this isn’t going to go on long. Roadkill is a student in the House of Hardcore, of which Chris Chetti was the first graduate of. It’s an ECW show (partially) so I have to include that. Roadkill has less than 12 matches career so he’s VERY green here.

You can’t see past the 2nd row so I’m betting less than 1000 people. The rail is literally that: a rail and not a fence like usual. There are no rules apparently either as chairs are used at will here. Roadkill is also about 50 pounds lighter than usual here so that’s a big difference. A Rock Bottom gets two for him. It’s all Roadkill here.

I think Kanemura is the face here but I’m not sure. Top rope splash completely misses and the power of Japan takes over. A Senton Splash (not a Bomb mind you. This is like jumping forward and landing on the other guy back first) ends it.

Rating: C. Considering Roadkill had less than 12 matches coming into this, I can’t be hard on him at all. Wrestlers get experience somewhere and this is an example of that. Considering the level of experience he had, it came out very well. By regular standards it was bad, but for something like this, it was perfectly fine.

Taz vs. Chris Candido

Taz is the ECW TV Champion here and it’s on the line here. Joey insists that this is not an ECW show and they’re simply guests. I like that. If nothing else we get Back in Black for Candido’s theme. No Sunny though so that’s an automatic lower grade. Again it’s just ten minutes for the time limit so I’m guessing the later matches are going to be REALLY long as it’s only a 9 match card.

These two had a good match at Hardcore Heaven so this should be at least decent. They start with a nice wrestling sequence and Candido is full heel. I don’t think a lot of the fans know who these guys are. Joey says there are 4,000 people here but I’d be a bit surprised at that. I’ll go with it though. Candido gets that nice powerbomb he does and Joey says that Taz is credited for popularizing tapping out in wrestling.

No clue if that’s true or not but I don’t remember anyone using it before Taz did so there we are. Very well could be wrong there though. Candido goes up for a double axe handle but opens his hands so Taz can catch him in a belly to belly. Candido COMPLETELY misses an enziguri but Taz sells it anyway. That was bad even for an ECW miss. Taz initiates his ending sequence which I like so that’s good. As the announcer says there are three minutes left Candido taps to the Tazmission.

Rating: C+. Not bad but their match at Hardcore Heaven was WAY better. This was good enough though as Taz did his thing and that’s all you can ask of him. Chris of course was his usual solid self but there’s nothing here that jumps off the page as great. I liked it though but then again I like both guys at this stage.

Shark Tsuchiya vs. Lady Cooga

Cooga is in a mask and seems to be a face. These are both women by the way. Fans are throwing things into the ring apparently and the announcer doesn’t like it. Shark is from FMW and looks like a combination of Aja Kong (Awesome Kong’s tag partner in Japan) and Hawk of the LOD. Same time limit as before. The announcer gets their names backwards so that took me 10 minutes to figure out. I’m going with Joey’s version though.

Cooga is a freelancer apparently. This is pretty back and forth and not bad at all. Shark is really strong here and is dominating more often than not. These referees tonight have been very slow. Cooga totally misses a kick in the corner but it’s sold anyway. There seems to be a lot of that going around tonight. Shark just hits stiff clotheslines and knocks the heck out of her. Another one ends this.

Rating: D+. Sloppy as all goodness but I’ve seen worse. Not a terrible match or anything but the sloppiness hurt it a lot to me. That and a dead crowd made this hard to get through. However it was nice seeing women that can be stiff and not have it be mainly about their looks for a change.

Youngbloods vs. Bushwackers

Youngbloods are Mark and Chris. I believe their brother was Jay but I’m not sure. They’re the hometown boys here. Their father is with them and his name is Ricky Romero. Go figure. Apparently this is a big feud in Puerto Rico. Again with the ten minute time limits! We’re 30 minutes into this two and a half hour show and of the 9 matches on the card I have this is number four. SLOW DOWN.

Somehow the Bushwackers are heels here I think which is odd. Chris has short hair. Got it. Ah yes their brother is indeed Jay. Good to know. Good night this is sloppy beyond belief. WOW it’s weird seeing Luke and Butch as heels. I think they’re going Sheepherders here on us too. Butch goes for a chair as I want this to end quickly.

Butch is good at playing heel if nothing else. We get some heel miscommunication from the Bushwackers and WOW that was weird to say. They keep the clock going down and as we hit 45 seconds, the Youngbloods hit a dropkick combination to get the pin on Luke. Post match they tease more violence but it doesn’t happen.

Rating: D. This went WAY too long and it never clicked for me. This was more for the Amarillo crowd than for anyone else which is ok I guess. It’s still just very odd to see the Bushwackers as the heels ever but that’s fine for a nice change. They were good at it too so I can certainly live with it.

Balls Mahoney vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

MAJOR miscommunication in there somewhere as this is originally announced Sandman vs. Balls. Bubba runs out instead during Sandman’s entrance and is introduced as Mahoney. Whatever. Sandman’s entrance of course takes forever. Joey takes shots at the announcer and he’s exactly right. Sandman takes some cane shots from Bubba and here’s Balls. Injury I’m guessing.

The announcer is told point blank that this is no contest. Naturally he says no disqualification. This guy is AWFUL. Bubba tries to leave and Balls calls out Bubba and that’s how the match starts. Bubba says no way and Balls threatens the referee to start the match or get a chair shot. Naturally this is No DQ.

So I think the miscommunication earlier is just that the announcer sucks. Bubba dancing is funny stuff. We’re on the floor now with Bubba in control. There’s not much to say here as it’s pretty bad. Bret and Foley are going to have to save this thing.

Bubba takes a beer to the face. Sandman slips Balls a chair. I’ve heard of tripping balls but slipping balls? Sandman looks WASTED. I mean he is gone. Balls ducks a chair and hits two bad cane shots and then one good one for a pin that looked like two. Sandman takes him out instead.

Rating: F+. Just a total mess here and the announcing threw everyone off beyond belief. This was bad anyway as no one wanted to see just Bubba. The Dudleys at this time were a unit and just like today when you took one apart they fell apart completely. This was by far the best of the night.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Tommy Dreamer

Beulah is the hottest I’ve ever seen her here, period. Francine looks pretty good too. Shane has just gotten the title back at Hardcore Heaven so there’s more or less zero chance of him losing here. Shane’s heel stuff is underrated I think. He’s overrated beyond belief, but he’s decent at times I think. Ok apparently this is now non title. Ok apparently it is. Dreamer threatens to beat up the announcer if he doesn’t say it’s for the title.

Beulah gets on the mic and says that after looking at Shane’s trunks she knows not everything is big in Texas. If I’m Dreamer I’m thinking two things. Why is my wife looking at his trunks, and how in the world did I get a woman that looks like that? Dreamer dominates until Shane kicks the chair he’s holding into his face.

The fans keep shouting about Lex Luger for no apparent reason. Shane works on the knee and Francine helps which causes him even more trouble. I’m liking some of the stuff Shane is using on the knee as he’s varying it up very well. We’re told that there are ten minutes left, meaning the time limit was 15 minutes. Dang we get a figure four from Shane. There are about a millions jokes there.

Both girls come in and Beulah manages to break up the hold and Dreamer gets two on a rollup. Dreamer goes for the DDT but there’s Francine for the save. You know what’s coming. Shane beats up Beulah including the belly to belly. Dreamer hits everything he has on Shane but can’t get the pin. Francine saves him after the DDT and takes the safest piledriver I’ve ever seen. I love that he never even checked on his wife. A quick belly to belly ends this.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I should have. The interference was annoying beyond all belief to say the least, but we get hot women so I can’t complain much. This was a good match though and it got the job done that it was shooting for so I can’t complain.

Some fighter named Steve Nelson is here. Ok we get it. You can leave now.

Sabu vs. Mankind

This is old school Mankind with the brown leather vest I guess you would call it. He had been Dude Love around this time so this was a quick change. It’s Foley so I can’t complain. This should be pretty decent. They mention RVD losing to Dory Funk Jr. Dark match or not on the DVD I guess. Yep based on some other reviews, that match did happen just before this one. No clue where it is but whatever.

Sabu hits a nice spin kick to get us to the floor followed by a nice plancha. We’ve got a chair in there now. What took him so long? Foley tries to do his head in the ropes spot but it doesn’t work as the ropes here suck. Sabu sets up a table between the ring and the rail. It’s weird hearing Styles talk about Mankind. There goes the table. Foley loses his mask.

The triple jump hits and I think Foley drops an F Bomb but gives his way of jabbering it likely wasn’t. Foley wakes up and just goes off on Sabu and hits the Double Arm DDT and does some Cactus Jack mannerisms. Fonzie, Sabu and the referee get the Claw but the bell has already rung. The announcer says it’s a DQ. Screw telling us who won or anything. Not important. Joey points out that Foley would win because Fonzie ran in.

Rating: C-. Solid brawl here as Sabu wasn’t as insane as normal so this was far better. When he’s calmer he’s much more watchable. Foley was his usual great self here. Putting these two in a brawl is a recipe for awesome so this worked fine other than the cheap ending.

Hayabusa/Masato Tanaka/Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Headhunters/Jake Roberts

Shinkzaki is more commonly known as Hakushi and I’ll be calling him that here. The Headhunters are two fat men from Puerto Rico. My goodness Jake actually looks sober. I can’t believe it. Yep the announcer gets the Japanese names totally wrong. Apparently it’s Hayabuta. He doesn’t announce Hakushi at all. This has a 30 minute time limit.

Even Joey says he can’t tell the Headhunters apart so I’m happy. They were the Squat Team at the 95 Rumble if that helps at all. That’s a pretty freaking stacked Japanese team. Tanaka and one of the Headhunters start us out. Ah here’s Jake. Much better. He looks fat but sober so I can’t complain that much. It’s now a fat guy vs. Hayabusa and we start with a test of strength. Ok then.

A bunch of kicks puts the fat man down. Hayabusa is good. In case you’re wondering he’s retired due to being paralyzed now. The Headhunters are your traditional big fat guys that can’t do much at all. Chair is brought in with the non Japanese team winning. One of the Headhunters hits a top rope splash on Tanaka for two. This needs more Jake as the Headhunters are doing about 80% of the wrestling.

They’re also starting to impress me with their versatility if nothing else. And there we have it. That might have been the dumbest thing I have ever seen in wrestling, and I’ve seen New Jack matches. Jake has Tanaka set for the DDT and stands there looking at Hakushi climbing the ropes. He continues to stand there and gets kicked in the face from the top.

I mean it’s not like the DDT takes a second to do or anything and it’s not like Jake was LOOKING STRAIGHT AT THE OTHER GUY. I question this master of psychology thing at times. Big old mess now. A Headhunter misses a splash and a 450 splash hits for two but the referee calls it 3 anyway. Yep the announcer just calls them Team Japan. Whatever. Post match the losers act like jerks.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much of anything. I don’t get the selection here at all as Jake is over the hill and the other two aren’t that good so let’s put them against an all star team. Made little sense but it could have been much worse.

Two former women’s world champions are here. No clue who they are or anything but why should that be important? Let’s not bother showing them or anything either.

Terry Funk vs. Bret Hart

I’m pretty sure this isn’t for the title so we’ll go with that. It’s no DQ if nothing else. He comes out to a cover of Freebird. Sandman had the regular Metallica theme and he can’t use Freebird? Dory is with him and there’s Bret’s music. This is just weird to see/hear. Bret is from Calgary, Canada and is the present WWF Champion. Seriously who talks like that?

Bret was the monster heel in WWF at the moment so the reaction here should be interesting. Dennis Stamp is the referee, who was Bret’s first ever opponent and I believe a jobber in the AWA. A bunch of people get in the ring. Chris Candido is in a towel. Seriously you couldn’t throw on some jeans? Heyman has the mic and the fans are cheering for Funk.

Heyman puts Funk over very well for ECW and for Amarillo and wrestling in general. In a cool moment they give him a belt and declare him World Heavyweight Champion for life. I like that. That’s rather cool. Bret gets on the mic and gets booed out of the building. He says what Bret Hart the person not Bret Hart the character would say which is very nice. He shakes Funk’s hand and says he’s going to kick Terry’s teeth in. Nothing wrong with that as it makes Terry the even bigger face.

The camera is messed up early and we can only see half of the ring. Ah there we are. This referee is SLOW with his counts. Funk uses a headlock for awhile as they’re having a very basic match to start us off. This is pretty solid stuff so far with basic technical stuff but it’s working. Funk can wrestle quite well. Don’t think he’s all about hardcore and brawling. He can go on the mat.

Funk gets the toe hold but it’s broken up by the ropes and now we’re getting some punches. One of Bret’s brothers is his corner man. We’re not told which though. They’re going very slowly here to set up the big ending which is fine by me. Something happens in the crowd as they all get up all of a sudden. Terry gets rammed into the table on the floor. This has been solid so far.

After working the knee the entire match, Bret hooks the figure four and uses the ropes which is completely legal here. Dang that’s a bad figure four. It’s getting into Dusty territory here. Stu Hart is here also. He has two brothers here and neither is Owen so who cares? Funk makes his comeback with mainly punches and gets a great pop. Funk gets a DDT so I’m happy. For a guy that’s 50, Funk looks pretty decent.

At 15 minutes in we hit the crowd and Funk is in control. The figure four on the post breaks that up as I continue to think the post wouldn’t actually do that much in it. Bret initiates the ending sequence but stops to go grab a chair. Funk winds up with it and goes off on the knee. The announcer can’t tell time as 6 minutes after 15 minutes passed we’re at 20 minutes.

Funk goes for a Vader Bomb onto Bret through a table but misses Bret and goes through. He’s busted open too. It’s all Bret here as this has been a really good match. Funk gets a small package out of the Sharpshooter for one. See what I mean about the speed of these counts? Seriously a one count after twenty minutes? Funk gets the toe hold and Bret is in trouble.

Terry goes for one spin too many and there’s the other small package that gets two. See how much better that sounds than ONE? They do the messed up time thing AGAIN but thankfully Bret ends it as Funk hits a belly to back suplex and Bret gets his shoulder up while Terry’s are down. Post match Funk gets the weakest announcement ever from the worst announcer ever and then he says he has no complaints and he loves the fans. Classy.

He’d also be in the WWF in 3 months but it’s Terry Funk so it’s a bit different. Also they said his last match in Amarillo more than once tonight, so that’s a bit better. Big difference between this and what Flair got which I classify as a bit disrespectful but that’s for a later argument.

Rating: A-. Great match here as they had someone out there that legitimately respected Funk and they let him have a great match. Funk’s in ring work is vastly underrated in the technical aspect so this was a nice way to let him showcase himself. Also notice something here: he went out losing to a younger star, giving Bret the spotlight rather than taking it for himself. This was a very good match regardless of the circumstances and I liked it quite a bit.

Overall Rating: C-. This is much more of a novelty than anything else. The wrestling other than the main event is pretty poor, the production is AWFUL, the ring announcer had Joey legit annoyed and the referee needed to be on Social Security. Still though, seeing this kind of talent at an indy show is worth seeing as is this three way cross promotion.

Overall this is a decent show but other than the main event (and potentially the inexplicably not there RVD/Dory match) there’s nothing great to see other than the stunning Beulah. This is something that would be good in like an 8 dollar bin at Wal-Mart or something like that. Find the main event as it’s nearly 30 minutes of Bret Harty goodness.




History of Summerslam Count-Up: 1992 – A Tape Delayed PPV? Yes Really.

Summerslam 1992
Date: August 29, 1992 (aired on PPV August 31, 1992)
Location: Wembley Stadium, London, England
Attendance: 80,355
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

We’re a year removed from the nearly complete and utter crap that was Summerslam 1991. After Warrior was fired, he was back a mere 6 months later to save Hogan from getting beaten up by Sid. After a feud with Papa Shango, he was given a world title match at Summerslam against Macho. However, Flair and Perfect were still mad that Flair had never gotten his title match, so they’ve injected themselves into this.

The story goes like this: Flair says that they’ll be in the corner of one guy, but they won’t say whom. Both Savage and Warrior think someone is going to turn and the fans bought into it completely. Even I thought someone was going to turn. That’s main event #1. #2, and the real main event, was Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith for the IC Belt. This had another great storyline attached to it as Smith’s wife was Bret’s sister.

The angel was that she couldn’t decide whom to cheer for, which makes sense as who are you supposed to side with in a match like that? There’s no right or wrong answer and she eventually went with she hoped no one got hurt. That match is considered by many to be the greatest match of all time.

Now I’m not sure if I’d go that far, but it’s way up there. However, that’s more or less the only match most people remember from the show. This was the first PPV in a country other than the US or Canada, so let’s see how the first truly international show is.

So yeah, screw this up and had written all the way up to the start of Warrior/Savage and the computer died, ending my file which is going to have to be redone. I’m a bit ticked off about that. Actually I’m a lot ticked off about that. Let’s get this freaking thing going…again.

We open the show outside for no apparent reason as we hear the opinions of the fans of whose corner Perfect would be in. Dang some of these people are hard to understand. Learn English people. One of the kids says Bulldog is going to win, whether he wants to or not. Uh, I’m not the smartest wrestling fan in the world, but wouldn’t you want to win every match you’re in?

We hear some horns playing and more random shots of London before going to the stadium. The only thing I can say: DANG! This place looks awesome as the whole place is full and it’s second only to WM 3 as far as I can remember. Heenan is wearing a crown of course. Vince says this is the Summerslam you thought you’d never see.

I know 91 sucked but were they not planning on having another one after it? Were there issues in the company that I just didn’t recall? That’s Vince for you though as he rarely made sense. I have three dark matches on my tape, so let’s get to them.

Jim Duggan/Bushwackers vs. Mountie/Nasty Boys

Matches like these, which are usually not shown on official releases, are always cool to see because they’re unique. Not to mention it’s bonus wrestling so how can it be a bad thing? Mountie’s music is just nothing short of great. He sings it on the way to the ring, adding in commentary to it as he goes. That’s either brilliant or stupid. Heenan makes a Michael Jackson reference.

This is being written for the second time on the 4th of July, ten days after his death, and it still is hard to comprehend that the King of Pop is dead. Heenan goes on to say that New Zealand is a suburb of London as Shadow is face palming. For some reason Duggan, one of the biggest patriots in wrestling history, is cheered. Only a British crowd would chant USA in London for a team mainly made of people from New Zealand.

Both teams try to get cheers from the crowd in a bit of a contest to start. After two of these we get going. I always loved the Bushwackers, mainly because one of them, I believe Luke, licked me at a house show when I was 3-4 years old. Bobby is on fire here with the jokes. This is following a very simple formula: little wrestling, little brawling, lather rinse and repeat. The heels take over or it wouldn’t be a traditional tag match.

As this happens, the fans chant Butch. There’s a bunch of jokes there but I’d get banned for them. The Wackers use their battering ram on a pile of the guys in the corner, bringing forth the really bad Earl of Sandwich jokes from Vince. The bias from Vince is just flat out sad as he cheers when faces cheat and claims it’s horrid when heels do it. I get that he’s a face commentator but this is boarder line Gorilla Monsoon territory.

In a bit of a weird spot, Knobbs and Mountie lock hands for a double clothesline but instead use a boot to the stomach. Just looked odd to me. The announcers argue over the rules again and Heenan asks what’s in Vince’s book? That’s a very interesting idea actually. Can you imagine what a real Vince McMahon autobiography, as in not a WWE-PG one would be like? Some of the stories in there would be insane.

Duggan comes in and amazingly enough we get a big brawl. I think they botch the spot at the end again here as Duggan is set for the three point clothesline but Mountie doesn’t get up. Duggan goes to pick him up but Mountie gets up on his own and Duggan gets back in position, so maybe he was just late. Sags misses a top rope elbow onto Mountie to end it as Duggan gets the pin.

Rating: B. This was perfect for an opening dark match. It wasn’t serious in the slightest and was there to do nothing but get the crowd into the show. That’s just fine and it worked perfectly. Nothing great, but to open the action for a major PPV, this was just fine.

Papa Shango vs. Tito Santana

Now with Shango you have someone that absolutely scared the living tar out of me. He was the voodoo guy and he actually beat up the Warrior. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Their blowoff match was in Rupp Arena so I was likely there for it. Shango was coming off a huge program with Warrior and they weren’t sure what to do with him at the moment as is evidenced here with him in a dark match.

Santana was in his El Matador gimmick at the time which was the height of stupidity. These two might add up to being the dumbest collection of gimmicks in one place at one time until being eclipsed by the gimmick battle royal. Santana was a guy a lot like Finlay or Regal today in that he could have a very solid match with just about anyone. Since he can do that, why would you ever get rid of him?

That’s what Vince realized so even once Tito was no longer a major player, you could still put him into a program and get a solid performance that you could depend on out of him. That’s a great asset to have and will almost always guarantee you at least employment. Santana gets NO reaction at all. They go back and forth for a bit, but Shango more or less no sells the big forearm, meaning that the move that nearly knocked Savage out isn’t good enough to get a two on a guy like Shango.

The ideas around finishing moves apparently depend on your place on the card which has always seemed bogus to me. He’s rocking the pink boots here, offering further proof that only Bret Hart can pull that off.

Now he hits another forearm and it’s a move of death, so thanks for the continuity there guys. I watch this match and the idea of how absurd Shango’s character is begins to dawn on me. A voodoo medicine man is supposed to have tights, wrist tape, weigh in and have boots? Anyway, he hits what has to be the worst finishing move possible: the shoulder breaker, to pin Santana.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. It just never felt like it got going at all. Shango just didn’t know how to make a match work and with the shoulder breaker, he looked absurd out there. A character like his could have worked very well, but he just didn’t get the way the thought process should have been going at all.

Tatanka vs. Berserker

If you recall what I said about two gimmicks never being more absurd, forget it. These two are miles beyond what the last match had to offer. Tatanka is the Native American and Berserker is a Viking that wants to stab people. I say this with all sincerity: I wonder how many people there had no clue what Tatanka was. Apparently quite a few as he gets a big pop.

I think this match was actually filmed after the show as it’s completely dark except for the lights now, as opposed to the previous matches where sunlight could have lit the arena. For no good reason at all, Tatanka beats him up for the opening of this match. In the only interesting thing you’ll hear from Vince all night, Tatanka means Raging Buffalo. The structure to the ring is kind of weird as there’s the aisle and then some steps to get to what we would call the outside.

I kind of like that, but it’s similar to the setup that caused the end of Rick Rude’s career. They fight on the floor and the racial stereotype takes Berserker down the mini stairs to slam him and then comes back up them. After that waste of time it’s more stereotyping as the Papoose To Go ends it. I wonder if I can get a Papoose for eating in?

Rating: C. It was better than the previous match but that’s really not saying a lot. There was just a weird flow to this match and while it wasn’t horrid, it certainly wasn’t something you wanted to see more of.

Now it’s time for the real show as we get a very standard yet good early 90s opening. In something I like we just go straight to the first match.

Money Inc. vs. LOD

This was in the middle of the interesting three way feud over the tag titles between these four and the champions, the Natural Disasters. Of course, that would all be thrown out the window so Hulk and Beefcake could fight the mega heels at Mania. Part of the reason that match wasn’t the LOD somehow was because of what you’re about to see here: Rocko the Dummy. Yes you read that right.

For some reason that only Vince would know, the LOD were given back their old manager Paul Ellering (which was fine, although it would have been nice for them to tell us who in the world he was as he was their manager in the NWA). The problem came with Ellering’s friend Rocko. Rocko was a ventriloquist dummy. There was nothing more to it than that. He was a wooden dummy that the manager would bring with him and he would talk in the promos.

At least with Head and Al Snow it was a joke. This was with a serious tag team. Hawk got sick of it and quit very soon, maybe even at this show but I’m not sure. Anyway, the intro for the LOD is sweet as all three come in on Harleys. That’s actually really awesome looking, aside from the dummy being on the fornt of the first bike.

As if that’s not enough, Paul carries the stupid thing around at the ring. No wonder Hawk quit over this nonsense. Vince says that the LOD are known for being strong and for their great psychology. Excuse me for one second.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

LOD having freaking PSYCHOLOGY??? WOW, and I thought the people that want Kane to remask were imbeciles. They hit people hard. That’s their psychology I supposed. Yeah, that’s just a freaking joke all around. After I laugh very hard at that, I come to a screeching halt as I see something that’s just an ungodly abomination upon mankind.

Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, to me the greatest heel of all time, is wearing WHITE TIGHTS!!! WHAT IN THE HECKIS THIS NONSENSE??? DIBIASE, A HEEL, DOES NOT WEAR WHITE!!! EVER SINCE HE DEBUTED IT’S BEEN BLACK WITH DOLLAR SIGNS, BUT NOW HE’S WEARING WHITE??? THAT JUST DOES NOT WORK!!! After about three minutes of frustration, I think I’m ok now.

After Hawk beats him up for a minute (absolutely right he should get beaten up) both tag, as Vince says Animal will now start the match for his team. Riiiiiight. The LOD get beaten up with sleepers and a slam on the floor by white tights Magee over there. Not only that but his kneepads are long so it looks like he’s wearing stripper boots. Hart is yelling at Paul about the puppet on the floor which shows that Hart is always thinking out there.

He’s a bit annoying but the guy has always been around and always works as hard as he could. The heels dominate much of this which makes perfect sense here as they’re the thinking wrestlers and all they had to do was wait for LOD to make a mistake. Wow both the heels are over 260? That’s a big surprising.

Eventually Animal gets tagged in and the LOD starts throwing Money Inc. all over the ring. The ending comes out of almost nowhere as they get DiBiase up but IRS dropkicks Animal so he drops him. DiBiase gets powerslammed and pinned to end it. Just a very abrupt ending.

Rating: C+. Certainly not a bad match, but it just didn’t have any flow and while it was a 12 minute match, it felt like about 5. DiBiase’s tights are something I just can’t let go as it’s the dumbest thing I’ve seen in a long time. This just felt really fast and the ending looked odd to me. Not bad, but just didn’t work that well in my eyes.

In the back, Flair, in his wrestling attire despite not wrestling that night, which is a thread in and amongst itself, is with Gene. I really like this promo by Flair as Gene is demanding to know where Mr. Perfect is. He asks if Perfect is with Savage. Flair opens his mouth and then chuckles. He asks if Perfect is with Warrior.

Flair opens his mouth and then chuckles. Gene demands to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect. Flair says “why, he’s in the dressing room of course!” Whose dressing room? “Why, the dressing room of the winner of course. WHOO!” This comes off really well as Flair is just epic on the stick here.

We go over to Sean Mooney and Virgil, who is fighting Nailz tonight. More on Nailz later. Virgil is REALLY bad at promos. He shouts on weird words, he moves around too much, and I think he had 5 catchphrases inside of a 40 second promo. I feel sorry for the heat he gets though. I’ve heard stories of him being at wrestling conventions and autograph shows where he’ll sit at his table for 5 hours and maybe get 4 people that talk to him.

No he wasn’t ever a big star but he’s bigger than that. He’s wrestled at Wrestlemania and Starrcade, so it’s not like he’s never done anything of note. I’d certainly talk to him for awhile. Apparently he’s trying to get revenge for his best friend (WTF??) the Big Boss Man.

Nailz vs. Virgil

Nailz is a character that it’s very possible a lot of you don’t remember and that’s very understandable as he was on the roster less than a year. He had a great bit of psychology to him because he was supposed to be a convict that Boss Man had beaten up in prison for a crime that he didn’t commit. Therefore, Nailz had no training and only used punches, chokes and kicks etc. That makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

After a match Boss Man had with a jobber, Nailz ran out and beat up Boss Man, putting him out for about 5 months. This match is for Virgil to try to get some revenge for his buddy, and you can guess how this is going to go. Before we get to this match though, let’s go over how Nailz left the company because it’s a story unlike any you’ve ever heard. Nailz tried to kill Vince McMahon. I mean that literally, as in he was choking Vince and Vince was turning blue.

Nailz wanted money but Vince wouldn’t give it to him. Obviously, he was fired immediately thereafter. Nailz was also a guy at the steroids trial that was one of the big witnesses, but his testimony was so far over the top that it actually helped Vince out. Nailz was scheduled for a big feud with Taker as they were on the cover of the WWF magazine, had a staredown on Superstars and had some house show matches.

It’s saying a lot that he was being given Taker to work with and then all that other stuff happened. He was in WCW for all of a week, jobbing to Sting before he was out of the mainstream. Kind of sad as I always liked him.

As for the match, what are you expecting here? It’s a guy that needs wins to prove himself against a glorified jobber. Nailz dominates early but Virgil takes over, leading to the chokeout win. I know that’s really short but that’s the commentary for the whole match. It’s like 3 minutes long and there’s just nothing at all of note in it. Afterwards Nailz beats up Virgil with the stick.

Rating: C. This was really hard to grade so we’ll call it average I guess. It was a squash and it got the point it was trying to make. Virgil fights but loses while Nailz looks dominant, leading up to the return of the Boss Man and their blowoff match at the Survivor Series.

Alfred Hayes can’t get into Savage’s dressing room.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel

There’s a very interesting pair of twists here. First of all, both guys are heels. Second, there’s an agreement not to hit each other in the face. That’s not something you hear very often. This is still the boy toy era for Shawn as he wasn’t a huge deal yet but was getting there. Sherri’s outfit has no back so she’s more or less in a thong which Vince notices IMMEDIATELY.

Martel cartwheels out of the way of a backdrop and does some jumping jacks. Shawn takes over for the most part early on and Martel is in trouble. And never mind as it’s more or less even. Shawn pulls back to throw a punch but stops. Martel is the de facto face here which is interesting as he was a pretty solid heel.

Shawn is down on the floor as Martel asks Sherri to come with him. They hug and Shawn doesn’t really see it. The cameraman keeps getting shots of Sherri’s back which isn’t that bad I guess. Both guys use the tights as it’s kind of interesting to see all of the heel vs. heel tactic. Also do you think that’s enough back shots in one match?

Sweet chin music hits the chest which makes sense here. Shawn hits a knee to the face and goes for the ropes with his feet but can’t reach them so the referee stops the count before he got there. In other words he’s not counting because they’re following the rules. Ok then. They start slapping each other and Sherri starts to freak.

They square off with fists up as Sherri “faints”. Dang she falls really well. Vince of course thinks she’s had a heart attack. Shawn DRILLS Martel when he tries to give her mouth to mouth. They slug it out in the aisle and it’s a double countout. Sherri gets up to see what’s going on and then pretends she’s out again.

Shawn comes back to carry her off as Vince and Heenan make jokes. Martel runs down and drills him, sending Sherri crashing to the floor. He picks her up and Shawn drills Martel, sending Sherri flying sprawling to the floor again. This is kind of funny as it’s coming off almost like a Weekend At Bernie’s thing which is meant as a good thing. Martel comes out and throws water on Sherri for no apparent reason.

Rating: B. I really liked this actually. It’s definitely a different kind of idea and it worked very well I thought. It’s not often you get a good heel vs. heel match but you certainly did here. This worked very well and the post match stuff was funny yet good at the same time. I liked this far more than I expected to and it worked well.

The Nasties say they’ll get their tag title shot, but for no reason at all they talk about the world title match. You see the beginnings of Jimmy’s jumping to Money Inc and the to his face turn.

Tag Titles: Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

I’m sure most of you know who the Natural Disasters are, but how many of you know who the Beverly Brothers are? I’m guessing not many of you, because I can fairly safely say that this is the highlight of the WWF run. I think their gimmick was being spoiled rich kids but that was never really explained. They were really just tag team jobbers and little more.

They were a huge deal in the AWA where they were the only tag team to win rookies of the year. They were gone in less than two years and no one noticed they were gone. Anyway, this is a standard tag with the Naturals dominating early but then the heels taking over as Heenan makes fat jokes. BREAKING NEWS: SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT WEMBLEY! Since Typhoon sucks more than Quake, he’s the face in peril.

A shot to the back with the metal scroll of the Genius has no effect which makes me wonder what the point of that was. Quake beats up the Beverly Brother so Typhoon is on his own and can make the tag. Naturally, the talented Disaster known as Earthquake kicks some Beverly faces in. A brief double team leads to the Earthquake to end this.

Rating: D+. The low rating is for one reason: there is a total and complete lack of drama in this. No one believed the Beverlys had a chance and they didn’t at all. It was a title match for a title match’s sake, which never turns out to be anything good. This was a waste of time, but I guess the match itself was fine.

Gene interviews the Bushwackers who want to talk about Perfect being in someone’s corner. Gene makes some dumb British jokes which aren’t funny.

Alfred Hayes can’t get in Warrior’s dressing room either.

Repo Man vs. Crush

Crush is once again a guy that could have been a big star but he never got a push that he needed. It’s a Demolition reunion here as Smash meets Crush. This is pure filler and nothing but a way to kill some time before the world title match. Repo’s offense is about 9 punches, a thumb to the eye, and a belly to back suplex. That’s it. Other than that, we get Crush using the head vice and dominating the whole thing. Boring and quick match which was just a filler, so how much can I complain?

Rating: C+. This was pure filler so what do you really expect from it? Crush looked dominant so he’ll be getting a bit better push. Oh wait he’s about to start feuding with Doink. Nevermind.

We hit the recap button on Warrior and Savage’s feud which is WAY too long. There’s two holes I see in this storyline. For one, Perfect tells both guys he’ll be in their corner. Ok, that’s fine, but couldn’t either guy put two and two together and get they’re being played? I guess that one’s forgivable though as either guy could have planned to lie to the other one.

However, the one thing I can’t get: if Perfect’s such a great manager, WHY IS THE GUY HE’S MANAGING NOT CHAMPION ALREADY? Since when did Perfect become this hot commodity all of a sudden? Savage’s line of “I’m the WWF Champion and you’re not!” is just great stuff.

WWF Title: Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

Oh apparently it’s the Ullllllllllllllllllltimate Warrior according to Vince. Of course Perfect doesn’t come out with either guy at first to build even more suspense which is actually a good move. It’s twilight in London so the scene of the whole stadium is really cool looking. Huge staredown to start which shows off the point that Warrior is now wearing a flesh colored singlet. This was huge for the theory that Warrior was on steroids which he pretty much was a guaranteed user of.

The start of this is a style that I like as nearly the first ten minutes is almost completely back and forth work. Neither guy can get anything substantial going and they just hammer away on the other one, looking for an advantage. Savage is getting booed here so I guess he’s supposed to be the heel? Anyway, eventually he takes a slight advantage as he knocks Warrior to the floor.

They come back in and I guess Warrior botches a spot as Savage is trying to pull him into the turnbuckle but Warrior falls short. You can tell it was a botch as they do the exact same thing about two seconds later. In a weird spot that I kind of like, Savage hits the double axe but Warrior does his hulk up thing. The second takes him down, but he catches the third in a powerslam. Just kind of a weird looking sequence.

Anyway, Warrior takes control as we get a nice little story going of neither guy being able to get a definitive advantage going for them. Warrior hurts Savage’s back and Savage hurts Warrior’s neck. They slow it down now with Warrior having a slight advantage. This is a slower paced match which is fine, as it’s going longer so the slow page helps it a lot I think. After a minute or two of this, Perfect and Flair come down.

This is where I really wish they hadn’t been involved, as Warrior and Savage were putting on a great match so far that had me very interested in it. Warrior does something weird (stunning right?) as he slams Savage, goes to the apron, and turns right back around and comes into the ring. What the heck? He misses a splash which he sells like he got shot in the ribs. Vince freaks because Perfect hasn’t gone to either corner.

Since when are there designated corners for a singles match? Perfect pulls the leg of Savage as Warrior is instantly the heel. I know my jokes have been lacking here, but this has been a great match and it’s hard to make fun of something that you really like. I think Warrior has set a record for most body slams in one match. After another one he goes to the top which I guess was the spot he wanted to do earlier. Maybe he stopped because Perfect and Flair were coming.

That would make sense I guess. Oh the ref is down too. He gets up and Warrior argues with him, leading to a much bigger ref bump. Piledriver from Savage which looks awesome. This time Perfect holds Warrior as Flair hits him with, well I guess since we’re in England it’s a natural born object. Savage however doesn’t see it. After slam #38 the elbow hits but due to no referee, we get a two despite Savage pulling the tights which is acknowledged.

Hulk up by Warrior as he starts the sequence that ended Mania 7’s match. Perfect tries to grab his foot during the set up for the splash but Flair gets him with a chair to the back on the other side as everyone is sure Savage is the guy that bought Perfect’s services. Apparently the crack of a chair, Flair moving away suddenly, and the Warrior suddenly falling down on his face aren’t enough proof that he did anything for the referee.

There’s another very nice little touch to this as Savage hasn’t seen anything that Flair or Perfect have done. Earlier the piledriver could have put Warrior down for as long as Savage was helping the referee, but this time he knows he didn’t touch Warrior, so someone else must have. That’s a nice little touch to add to it. Savage is ticked off that someone is helping him, so no one knows what’s going on.

He sets for the elbow but can’t take the win that way, instead jumping at Flair, WHO HAS A CHAIR! The obvious happens and Savage jumps into the chair, knocking himself nearly out as I can barely believe how stupid that was. This leads to the fastest count out of all time in an ending that I’m really not wild about at all. Apparently the chair hit Savage in the knee as Flair and Perfect destroy Savage soon thereafter but Warrior makes the save.

This would lead to the injured knee of Savage that would eventually cost Savage the title to Flair on a match that is very hard to find. The announcers conclude that no one sold out, which is about as obvious as the statement that Vince is an imbecile at times. He goes on to say that both men are champions. Not really Vince, not really. Savage would lose the belt two days later, before one Hitman would win it about a month and a half afterwards.

Warrior hands him the belt and helps him to the back with the music playing as we go to Perfect and Flair in the back. Since this is integral to the match, I’ll lump them together. They say that the deal was made, but it was between Perfect and Flair. They mention Plan B but won’t say what it is. Spoiler: it’s getting the title back to Flair. Gene thinks this is earth shattering news when it’s really not.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping it from being an A+ is the lack of a definitive ending, which I guess was required to have Savage drop the belt two days later. Anyway, this was an excellent match as both guys beat the tar out of each other and neither really gave an inch.

It may not have been as epic as their Mania match, but it’s good on its own. Perfect and Flair added something to it and I’m very glad neither guy turned as it would have hurt the match in my mind. Great match, but somehow this isn’t the best match on the card.

Official Attendance: less than Mania 3 so who cares?

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Harvey Whippleman does Kamala’s intro, saying he’s from the dark continent of Africa. I was under the impression that there’s lots of sunlight in Africa, so is that a very sly racial joke? I was under the impression that Africans’ skin darkened as a natural defense to the amount of sunlight on that continent. Racial stereotypes rule I guess?

Anyway, this is really just a mini-feud for Taker before the Giant Gonzalez shows up, much like, oh I don’t know: THE SAME FREAKING THING THEY DID WITH DAIVARI, MARK HENRY, MUHAMMAD HASSAN AND KHALI??? Could that be it? Could it be that they just took the EXACT same stupid story and redid it, hoping that no one was watching 13 years ago? Yep, that’s exactly what they did.

I swear these jokes write themselves when you’re making fun of WWE’s writing. Kamala used to scare the HECK out of me when I was like 2 years old. The dude was just freaking creepy. He wants to cook Taker apparently. Taker comes to the ring in the back of a hearse that I think has a sunroof. Oh never mind he’s standing on the bumper. There’s a coffin in the hearse, which is foreshadowing the coffin match at Survivor Series in a month or two.

This is a very quick match and is only to fill in time between the two main events and let the crowd catch its breath for a bit. Taker absolutely destroys him and as he’s going for the tombstone, Kim Chee runs in and hits Taker with his helmet for the DQ. Kamala hits three splashes, including one from the top rope and Taker just sits up. Kamala runs, and we set up for the main event.

Rating: C. I think I’m going to start giving C’s to matches that are too short to grade. The problem is there’s just not enough time in a 3 minute match to tell whether its good or not. It did its job I guess which is to set up the big match next PPV and fill in time here, so I can’t complain I guess.

Mooney is with Davey Boy Smith, talking about the family pressures which was a nice touch that I think the match needed. He says that once they get into the ring, Bret isn’t his brother, but a stranger. Mooney says what will the pressure of wrestling in front of 80,000 people be like. “That’s not pressure. That’s a dream.” That line is either epic or clichéd. Not sure but I’m leaning towards the former.

Bret says that Smith wouldn’t be anything without Bret as Bret introduced Davey to his wife and got him started in the WWF. He says Smith is ungrateful and I am completely hyped for this match.

Some bagpipe players play Roddy Piper’s theme music, which is ALWAYS cool. Oh they’re the Balboa Highlanders. Piper is with them, and the marking out continues as he gets a huge pop. This is actually really cool looking as Piper gets a solo and isn’t half bad. Granted I know nothing about the bagpipes. They play Scotland the Brave, which is an awesome song so this is sweet.

Mooney is with Diana Smith, who says nothing that you wouldn’t expect her to say. Mooney rudely cuts her off and asks who she thinks will win. He cuts her off AGAIN as you can tell she really doesn’t want to do this, or she’s a great actress. Could be a combination of both as this actually isn’t that bad of an interview. She sounds really upset about this, which she should be. Mooney cuts her off a THIRD TIME to send us to ringside. Dang, Mooney was a jerk in this.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith

Smith comes out first to the hero’s pop. Lennox Lewis carries the flag for him as a relative unknown at the time which is always cool. The pop for Smith is huge, while Bret gets the textbook definition of a mixed reaction. He’s not exactly a heel, but he’s certainly not the guy the crowd wants to win. As for the match, I’ll be brief about it. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but if you haven’t, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

This is an absolute classic and is in the running for greatest match of all time. While it seems that there’s no doubt who would win looking back, at the time, this was a huge upset. Smith had never really done anything of note but was getting the singles push for over a year leading up to this night. Everyone knew Hart was a god in the ring and this was the blowoff match to launch him into the main event scene where he would be for the rest of his career in the WWF.

I’m going to skip the play by play here as I can’t do it justice and go straight to the end of the match. It runs over twenty five minutes as opposed to the already forgotten near 30 minute masterpiece we saw earlier for the world title. Both guys are absolutely spent as this has been back and forth the whole time with Smith wrestling a different style than he usually did and throwing off Bret.

Bret is his traditional perfectly timed self with a balanced assault all around, mainly working on the back though to set up for the Sharpshooter. The crowd is hot the whole match as they pop over every single move. This is a match where it’s two guys doing any move they can think of instead of using the same standard stuff that they always use. Clothesline puts both guys down and Bret tries to do the same thing he did last year to Perfect to get the title in the first place.

Smith does something that’s allegedly never been done and gets to the ropes. Someone else might have done it before but I’m not sure. The announcers royally screw this up by making it sound like Bret had him in a headlock. Hart hits the ropes and goes for a sunset flip and Smith goes for the famous counter of dropping to his knees to get the pin and the title as the place erupts.

The music not playing lets things sink in a bit better as Bret can’t believe it. They announce Smith as the new champion to another epic pop. Bret gets up and eventually holds up Smith’s hand as Diana comes in and they all pose to end the show.

Rating: A+. This is one of the greatest matches of all time and is required viewing for anyone that calls themselves a wrestling fan. That’s all that needs to be said.

Hart would go on to win the WWF Title in October in a complete shock in Canada while Smith would really be a transitional champion, losing to Shawn in about two months to launch Shawn’s singles career. This match and title change was really just for the English fans, but dang, what a treat for them and the moment is certainly worth it.

Overall Rating: A+. This is a fantastic show and unless there’s something I’m completely missing, the best Summerslam ever. The only one that pops into my mind to even approach it would be 2002, but that’s way too far in the future to worry about. There’s two absolute classics along with some other very good stuff.

The fans went home happy, there was a huge crowd, and not really a single bad match as everything is at least watchable. The worst match is by far the tag title match, but even it’s not that bad. Excellent show and it gets my highest recommendation.




In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede – Loudest Crowd EVER

In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede
Date: July 6, 1997
Location: Saddledome, Calgary *dramatic pause* Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 12,151
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well, KOTR has passed. Your highlights are Steve Austin and the returning Shawn Michaels have beaten Owen and the Bulldog for the tag belts. This happened on a Raw but I’m too lazy to go back and correct it. As for the PPV, HHH is your new King of the Ring, and Taker is pretty much fighting every big named heel on the roster. Austin’s war with the Hart Foundation has reached a boiling point and here is your blowoff to the biggest part of it.

Since Austin has no friends, he pretty much found four guys that hate the Harts just as much as he does: Goldust, who was feuding with Pillman (I think), Shamrock was feuding with no one in particular but would soon begin a feud with Smith, and the LOD was feuding with the former tag champions for all of two days.

Other than that, the only big match is Taker vs. Vader for the WWF Title. The issue with a ten man tag for your main event is simple: we’re looking at a four match card on a PPV. That’s a stretch even for these shows. This show is praised for its crowd involvement, with Bret himself saying it’s one of his all time favorites. I haven’t seen this show in almost 12 years so we’ll see how it holds up.

As a side note, this is the end of the traditional IYH formula. After this, IYH would be the subtitle, such as the next show which is Ground Zero: In Your House. It would also be the last two hour show, so these reviews will get longer.

Free For All: Blackjacks vs. Godwinns

The hog men are back to being heels after I don’t think they’ve been on TV at all, so that’s a bit weird. For some reason that I don’t know, Vince and Lawler are dressed as cowboys so they’re all in JR style hats. JR looks at them like he wants to shoot them. Lawler’s headset isn’t working.

We get some graphics showing the two big matches before the intros of the teams. Taker is rocking his usual sleeveless outfit but he has the title and a cowboy hat on. It’s actually somewhere between awesome and ridiculous looking. Not sure which actually. Anyway, let’s get to this bad match, which to be fair was free so you can’t really complain about it.

The Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw, which is a decent pairing as you have two big guys from Texas that are completely opposite styles: Windham has talent and Bradshaw doesn’t. Great combination as pairings like this always work best when they’re opposites. Apparently the Godwinns are heels since the LOD botches their finisher and broke Henry’s neck. Vince says the crowd will be pro-Canadian.

Lawler’s headset is fixed as he saves the commentary by saying of course they will be. THEY’RE CANADIAN! Have to love Vince’s brilliant impact. Apparently all of the Hart Family will be there tonight. Oh yeah the match. The crowd is way hot for it, but it’s a free match to get the crowd excited so what can you expect from it? There’s nothing of note here but double teaming wins it for the Godwinns.

Rating: D. It was just a five minute tag match to get things going so it wasn’t supposed to light the world on fire. It was a way to get things going, which I guess it did. Nothing to really say here.

Very nice video package talking about how things are changing in the company and there’s no more black and white but rather shades of gray. Austin is the anti-hero now but he’s so over that the company doesn’t really care. Bret is going to be god incarnate in the ring tonight and it’s just going to be fun to watch.

Best sign of the night: Brett is King. They can’t spell their hometown legend’s name right. That cracks me up.

HHH vs. Mankind

This is a rematch from the KOTR finals. My favorite entrance music plays as HHH comes to the ring. I mean just that choir singing his praises is amazing. Recap video showing how different these two are. This has spawned Foley’s face turn. Sweet goodness this crowd is hot. Foley imitates HHH’s curtsey which is just freaking hysterical.

I’ve always loved that running elbow from the apron. Who else does that? Foley is just beating the tar out of HHH here and it’s fun to watch. Apparently he’s the prime minister of Parts Unknown. I guess the Warrior is the mayor? HHH gets a freaking sunset flip. I mean really, WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THESE MOVES GO?

Rock is throwing cross bodies, HHH is sunset flipping people, Austin is coming off the top, I mean what the heck? Match gets turned around when Chyna hip tosses Mankind into the stairs where he slams his leg. A chair shot makes his leg hurt even worse. After that we get HHH working over the knee for a long time but Mankind starts his comeback with a shoulder to the balls which I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.

Chyna is really getting annoying here with all of the interfering. I don’t like the constant interfering as it makes her look more important than HHH. It’s just distracting and eventually gets stupid. Finally they brawl to the floor and eventually into the crowd for the double DQ.

Rating: B-. This was a fun, hard hitting match. Any time you can get two guys to just beat the living tar out of each other with a bit of a past together, it’s almost always fun. These two had a great amount of chemistry and it would show later on when they were one on one for the world title in a few years. Great stuff here.

They keep brawling through the crowd which is almost always fun to see. HHH is going at it here and you can see the Cerebral Assassin coming out in him. He’s starting to get some definition as well so he’s really starting to transform into the Game.

We see a recap of Stampede Weekend. There was a parade and all kinds of stuff which is an annual tradition up there. There was a tug of war and a big party which really looks like it would be fun. Bret was a big guest at a rally and there were thousands of people there for him. This seriously is insane.

Bret and the Harts are in the back. Austin interrupts but Bret calls off the dogs, saying he wants it five on five later on. The crowd is hot even seeing him let alone him being in front of the camera. That main event is going to be insane.

Taka Michinoku vs. The Great Sasuke

Fink with a cowboy hat is great. We cut to the crowd and Mankind and HHH are still hammering each other. HHH is busted open but it made him madder. This is a freaking slugout. Now we get to the real match. A graphic says this is a light heavyweight match. Two things: do we really need a graphic to let us know that? We heard their weights and we can see they’re small and thin.

Also, isn’t light heavyweight an oxymoron? If you’re light, how can you be heavy? Why not just lightweight? Actually, why not you don’t have size so you’ll never be a world champion-weight? That’s the real weight class we’re seeing here as WWF tries to make their own cruiserweight division which bombed so badly that words cannot describe it. This starts out as a martial arts match which is ok I guess. Sasuke is the heel here I think.

These two are doing a bunch of random moves which are ok I guess but they have nothing on WCW. Taka however has one of my all time favorite moves as he gets a running start, jumps to the top rope, pauses while on it, and throws a huge dive. That always made me mark out. Sweet looking missile dropkick from Taka. See what I mean? It’s just random moves from all over the place. No psychology or anything involved, just random moves. Sasuke wins with a Tiger Suplex.

Rating: C-. This was wild but not particularly entertaining. This was the difference between WCW and WWF in this division: WCW built up guys over time. WWF’s division is like the women’s division now. There are no stories, very few promos, and the only matches you would ever get are contender’s matches and title matches. WCW had a whole division and not the champion against challenger of the month. It was a copy of WCW, minus the thought and the majority of the talent.

We go back to HHH and Mankind who are still fighting. They’re outside now and it’s still fun, but now we’re getting to the point of overkill. I like it so far but they don’t need to take it too far.

Recap of the Taker feud, which was supposed to be him vs. Ahmed, which is my memory and the stories I’ve heard are true, Ahmed was supposed to get the title here. However he legit got hurt and had to stay out of it. A big brawl explains this.

Vader and Bearer are in the back and a newly clean shaven and blonde Paul Bearer talks about what would become one of the best done stories of all time: Taker killing him family. Through this, we would hear of a man that would be revealed as Undertaker’s brother. His name was Kane. More on this in a few months.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Undertaker

Like I said this was thrown together due to Ahmed being hurt. Taker’s pop is of course epic, even in Canada. That shows how great he is, as Canada is notorious for booing the faces. Taker is the exception to the rule I suppose, as he is in so many other things. He comes to the ring with the I guess you’d say jacket over his ring gear. He takes it off and there it is: the WWF Title. That just looks perfect on him.

Taker starts off by punching the heck out of Vader. This is exactly what you would expect from these two: hard hitting brawling. Taker beats on him for the first 3 minutes or so but eventually Bearer gets involved and the Mastodon takes over. Vader at this time was just freaking awesome to watch but no one knew what to do with him. He wasn’t going to win the belt off a three day notice and after this he would just start flying down the card until he faded into Bolivia.

Part of this might have been due to the absolute worst nerve hold I have ever seen. Vader’s hands aren’t even clenched. It’s him with his hands on Taker’s neck and nothing more. It’s pathetic looking. There’s a serious lack of drama in this match as Taker never really seems to be in any real danger. Vader gets close of course but never puts anything big together.

He kicks Taker low right in front of the referee but there’s no DQ called. JR has no clue why there wasn’t and neither do I. I thought that was the finish actually. Anyway, Vader goes for the Bomb, Taker blocks it, hits two chokeslams and a tombstone to keep the belt.

Rating: C-. Like I said, there was no drama here. It really felt like this was a title match for the sake of having a title match, and that rarely if ever works. Now to be fair they had a week to build this up so Vader really was a last second replacement which likely takes a lot away from this. I just wanted more from this match though which pretty much sums up my feelings as a whole: I wanted more.

We get a recap of all of the stuff that the Harts have had for them this weekend. Allegedly many of the lines to just get Bret’s autograph were a mile long. Now I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it sounds amazing either way.

Video package on the history of this feud. Basic stuff here that I won’t bother going into except this: Mankind is shown fighting Bret. Why then would you put Goldust, a mid card guy, into the main event and not Mankind, a guy with main event experience? I just don’t get that.

Austin’s team is in the back. Each cuts a mini-promo and Shamrock’s is so bad. Austin says nothing and just leads them to the ring.

Austin’s Team vs. The Hart Foundation

Before the match some Canadian band sings O Canada and the crowd is on fire. Hart Family is shown at ringside. Goldust is out first to pretty much no reaction. Hearing that a team’s combined weight is over 1,300 pounds is just odd sounding. No Marlena tonight which is a good thing I think. Shamrock gets a pretty good pop. It’s not mind blowing but it’s good. Three hot women have signs that says the Harts suck. Well I’m shocked.

LOD is very over as well. That’s another gimmick that just works no matter what. And now, the captain of the team: for a guy that is supposed to be the arch rival of the national hero, the guy is pretty freaking popular. He got the biggest pop of the team and while there was booing, it was nothing compared to the cheers.

However, he just got outpopped by a mile by Brian Pillman. All five Harts get their own intro, and the fans are insane the whole time. They progressively get louder until they blow the roof off the place for Bret. His pop is one of if not the loudest I have ever heard. You all remember the sign that says if Cena wins we riot. In this case, that would be true.

The difference between Cena and Austin can be made clear right here though: Cena was visibly shaken at One Night Stand. Austin is thriving in this environment. The Harts come to the ring in unison, all wearing leather jackets. That’s a nice little touch that’s missing from so much today. Tag teams should dress alike. It just makes them look more unified to me.

There’s a great visual to start this as all ten men are in the ring but Bret and Austin are in the middle with their eyes locked on each other. All eight others just fade away and all you see are those two. That’s absolutely great. They start of course which makes me wonder if that should have been your main event: Bret vs. Austin. However, they’ve fought so many times and the crowd is so hot for his, I can’t really see how it would be better.

The ten man is the right decision. Bret actually wins the fist fight to start as the crowd is orgasming on every move. Austin comes back though, beats Bret into the corner, flips the crowd off and THEN whips Bret in. See what he did there? He got a little extra heat going, but it didn’t take any momentum away from the match. That’s a very nice touch.

Eventually Neidhart gets tagged in. I have come to the conclusion that he is nothing more than a fondly remembered Marty Jannetty. He never did a thing on his own. Actually, Marty did more than Anvil did. That’s saying something indeed. Shamrock’s belly to belly is just freaking sweet. I’m not liking the tags at the same time thing over and over. Let us see more than just the rivals. Owen apparently has a new haircut.

It’s so new he’s had it for three months now. Dang this crowd is intense. They’re screaming, yelling, cussing, shouting obscenities at people and will not calm down for one second. You might say they’re just-insane. Bulldog actually gets the delayed suplex on Hawk. That’s quite impressive.

However, he hits the powerslam and Hawk is up within about three seconds. It was one of the worst no sells I’ve ever seen. Goldust is put into a tree of woe in the Harts corner and gets one of the worst beatdowns I have ever seen. The crowd sees him get tied up and rises to their feet.

We finally get our first wild brawl of the night as all ten guys come in. During the fracas, (that’s your big word for the day people: fracas) Owen’s leg is destroyed by Austin. Three times being slammed into the post and a chair shot. He limps to the back with the help of officials so apparently it’s 5-4 now, even though this isn’t an elimination match. Back shot of Pillman which is something I didn’t really want to see.

Bret retaliates by going after Austin’s knee, eventually using the figure four on the post, which when you think about it, doesn’t hurt much with the post. It would hurt, but not as bad as they would like it to. Austin goes to the back too as this is very one sided now. That’s a tactic I use when I write OCW multi-man matches. Ten guys are just too many to work with so I’ll shorten the amount of people in the match.

Vince calls the Harts a nationalistic faction. WELL DUH VINCE! Bulldog beats the living tar out of Shamrock and the crowd is exploding to say the least. Once Goldust comes in, JR does a GREAT Dusty Rhodes impression but I’m not sure how many people would pick up on it. It’s so subtle that it’s hard to catch. Austin comes back out and it’s him vs. Bret again and Austin is beating the tar out of him.

According to Ross, Austin is being excellently executed. That’s a good little line. Austin calls spots to Bret but the beauty of Austin’s character is you could believe that he’s talking trash to him. Bret is in a sharpshooter as Owen comes back to the ring. Soon thereafter, the Hart brothers at ringside get involved by punching Austin and jumping the rail. Within a few seconds it’s a wild brawl and Owen rolls up Austin for the pin.

Post match, we have another wild brawl and for some reason security does nothing to the fans that jumped the railing and lets them get in the ring and celebrate. Austin of course runs back into the ring as the Harts are celebrating with a chair and gets his head handed to him. Lawler’s hatred for Bret will simply never go away.

Of course, Austin is handcuffed instead of the other Harts and is taken away by security. The logic in WWF makes me shake my head at times. Stu gets into the ring afterwards and the crowd is gone completely. There’s almost thirty Harts and all of them come into the ring. Make that fifty. The Harts’ praises are sung as we go off the air.

Rating: A. This was a great ten man match for many reasons, but the one that is forgotten is the wrestling itself. I wasn’t bored once during this match and as someone that can’t stand tags to end a show, that’s saying a lot. It’s probably the best non-gimmick team match I’ve ever seen. I really liked it and the crowd carried this for the most part, which wasn’t actually needed.

Overall Rating: A. The obvious big flaw with the show is that it’s just four matches. However, the weakest by far is the light weight match, which was at least watchable. It’s far from bad, just not that great. The main event is of course the best on the card with a crowd as hot as I have ever seen. Great show, maybe not all time great, but certainly great and probably the best In Your House so far. At worst, it’s second to Mind Games only.




History of Wrestlemania with KB – Wrestlemania 10: Maybe The Best Mania Ever

Wrestlemania 10
Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
America the Beautiful: Little Richard and the Harlem Boys Choir

This show is ALL backstory so get used to that word. Yokozuna had won the title back from Hogan at the first King of the Ring PPV after a Japanese photographer’s camera blew up in Hogan’s face. Hogan left the WWF and wasn’t seen there again for almost 9 years.

On the 4th of July in the previous year, Yokozuna held a huge thing on a US ship, challenging anyone to bodyslam him. There were a ton of people showing up to do it but no one could. Finally a helicopter landed on the ship and out walks the former heel Lex Luger.

He nails Yoko with the forearm and kind of slammed him, although you could argue it was a hiptoss. This launched Luger into one of the biggest face pushes of all time, resulting in his title shot at Summerslam. Luger knocked Yoko unconscious but he knocked him out of the ring as well.

Luger wanted another title shot but was told he would have to win the Rumble to get it. Bret Hart also wanted his rematch at Mania but was told HE had to win the Rumble. Low and behold they’re the final two. They go out at the same time, and we have a tie. The WWF President Jack Tunney decrees that there will be a coin toss deciding who gets the match first.

The loser will have to have a match before getting their title shot and no matter what, whoever comes out of the first match with the title would have to face the loser of the title match. If Bret lost the toss he would have to face Owen and if Lex lost he would have to face Crush. Lex wins the toss so Bret would be the one to close out Mania. I hope that made sense.

This Mania was a new beginning for the company as there was no more Hulk Hogan to carry the load. With him gone, it was time for the young guns to step up and take over. Following last year’s awful Mania, something big had to happen here and it went about as well as it could have given the ridiculous story that I just listed off to you.

There was also a thing called a ladder match that I’m sure will bomb completely. Anyway, after Little Richard rocks the house, it’s time for what is still likely the best opening contest of all time. Also our own NSL was in attendance.

We open with a highlight reel of the first Mania which really is a cool thing.  The first one was absolutely amazing from a mainstream perspective.

We recap Bret vs. Owen.  Bret had been feuding with HBK all of the previous year which resulted in a Survivor Series match between Shawn’s team and Bret’s team of him and his three brothers. Owen was accidentally knocked off the apron and into the railing leading to his elimination.

Later Bret attempted to help his brother get his first title by teaming with him to go for the tag titles. Bret was injured during the match and it wound up costing them the match. After the match, Owen kicked Bret’s leg out from under him, fully turning heel. This was the showdown that had been building for awhile.

Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Ok so this is considered the best opener ever, so let’s see if it’s still that good.  Remember Bret has to be in the main event later tonight against the winner of Lex vs. Yoko for the title.  There’s the bell and it’s game on.  It’s MSG so the entrance is behind the ring rather than off to either side.  Owen keeps celebrating every tiny victory which is funny stuff.

Naturally it’s a technical style to start which is exactly what you would expect it to be.  A little leverage sends Owen to the floor so Owen slaps him in the face.  Almost all Bret to start as Owen can’t get much going but it’s being destroyed at all.  Rollup gets two for Bret and it’s to the mat with Owen.  Bret speeds it up again and sends Owen to the floor where he’s very frustrated.

Now it’s Bret with a slap and a rollup for two again.  Crucifix gets two and to my shock and awe, Lawler says Bret is the better wrestler.  You’ll likely never hear that again.  There’s that spinwheel kick and Owen takes over for real for the first time in the match.  Bret’s back meets post on the floor and Owen SCREAMS at him.  Camel clutch goes on and Owen yells some more as you have to wonder how legit that is.

Belly to belly puts Bret down for two.  Of course it’s only two.  It’s not like Owen could ever beat him or something.  Give me a break.  Owen tries to suplex Bret back in but Bret reverses but Owen reverses that into a BIG German for a long two.  Bret grabs a small package for two as Owen continues his dominance.  Owen gets a Tombstone out of nowhere and Bret is in trouble.

No cover though as Owen goes up for a splash which hits.  Too bad it hit the canvas and not Bret, but it did indeed hit something.  Russian Leg Sweep gets two for Bret.  The middle rope elbow gets the same.  Owen gets an enziguri “out of nowhere” and goes for the Sharpshooter.  Bret reverses into an attempt of his own but can’t get that either.

Bret with a Pescado but hurts his knee and amazingly enough isn’t goldbricking.  Owen goes after it and Vince is surprised for some reason.  That reason would be that Vince from this era is a very stupid man.  The leg goes around the post and Bret is in trouble.  Owen’s mocking of Bret is great as for him it’s personal.  Well granted it has to be personal as it’s between two people but you get the idea.

The blonde Hart gets a leg lock which gets two as Bret’s shoulders are down.  Lawler points out that it would be smart for Bret to give up so he has a better chance in the title match later.  That’s actually very true.  Figure Four by Owen and WOO Bret is in trouble.  Bret rolls out but Owen grabs a rope as we keep going.  Bret comes back with an enziguri as for once Vince’s WHAT A MATCHUP isn’t overkill.

Owen’s selling is awesome as every time he gets hit he stays in one place like he’s been shot.  Bret gets a Piledriver to probably tick off Jerry a bit.  A superplex gets two as Bret can’t finish him.  A sleeper from Bret is countered by a low blow as Owen takes over again.  Owen gets the Sharpshooter as Bret is in trouble again after the back and knee work from earlier.  Ladies and gentlemen, PSYCHOLOGY!  Oh how I love it.

Bret counters into his own but Owen is right in front of the ropes so it’s not like it means anything.  Bret finally starts throwing punches but they’re to the ribs which Vince makes sure to point out.  Owen reverses a whip-in but Bret gets his feet up.  Bret goes for a Victory Roll but Owen rolls into it and gets a rollup for the pin to silence the entire arena.  Awesome finish to an awesome match.

Rating: A+. This match had been viewed as one of the best matches of all time and it holds up today. The psychology here is off the charts here as both wanted the submission but Owen goes for the pinfall and uses Bret’s own wrestling technique against him.

The best thing about this match is simple though: Owen pinned him perfectly clean. The better man won and that’s what makes the match so much better and one of the best ever. This was proof that a match could work on basic wrestling and the buildup for it. Classic all the way.

We get a post match promo in the back from Owen talking about how great his victory was and everything he says is absolutely right. He even gives credit to Bret for putting on such a great match. Love this promo. Excellent start to the show so far.

WM Moment: WM 2 Battle Royal.

The president of the hair club for men has a toupee for the Fink. Humorous if nothing else.  Is there any reason why some dude named Bill Dunn is doing the announcing here and not the Fink?

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink/Dink

This is what gets to follow that opener.  These guys feuded forever for no apparent reason and no one cared.  This has the distinct look of a comedy match here and I don’t it’s going to end well.  Thankfully Howard does the announcing here.  Doink is played by some dude from Puerto Rico here I believe.

Bigelow jumps the big clown and we’re off.  A dropkick puts him down and hopefully this is dominance.  Vince’s overall conclusion about Lawler: he’s not a nice person.  Off to Dink and Luna as I search for a reason to have this at Wrestlemania.  Get on with this already.

Luna misses a top rope splash and it’s back off to the big guys.  You know, the future pyromaniac and the full grown wrestling clown.  This is after a classic match and before one of the best gimmick matches of all time.  And we get to the “comedy”, and I use that term loosely, of the match.  Bigelow sits on a sunset flip attempt and the beating is on.  After some time is wasted, a top rope headbutt ends Doink finally.

Rating: F. This was a complete waste of time.  Thankfully this is the end of the feud and it was never mentioned again.  Bigelow went from potential IC Champion to this in six years.  There’s your explanation as to what a knee injury can do for you.  Get on to something else.

Post match Luna and Dink do a stupid segment that just extends this longer with nothing coming from it.

There’s a Bill Clinton impersonator here for some reason.

WM Moment: Attendance record at WM 3.

Randy Savage vs. Crush

No backstory here but that’s what I’m here for. Crush had challenged Yokozuna for the WWF title and got beaten pretty badly. Yoko hit some banzai drops on him and put him out of action. Savage came in at the very end to help Crush, after he got hurt. Savage was about to be reinstated as a wrestler when he and Crush got into a fight at ringside. Savage was suspended from commentating but came out of retirement to wrestle. They had been feuding since November but this was their big match.

Savage is a full blown legend at this point, along the lines of what HBK is at this point. Needless to say, he was mad over in this match. The rules here are you get a pinfall but then the person has sixty seconds to get back into the ring. Therefore you could get a ton of pinfalls in this.  Savage charges at him in the aisle and the fight is on.

Crush gets Snake Eyes on the railing and the first pin is in less than a minute.  Fuji blasts him with the flag and Savage makes it back in with seconds to spare.  Crush is dominating and gets him in the Tree of Woe.  Fuji hands him some salt but Savage is like boy I wrestled in Memphis and throws it back in Crush’s face.  That and a slam sets up the elbow but no cover.  Oh ok he throws him to the floor and THEN gets the pin.  That was smart.

Fuji has to grab some water to throw on Crush to kep the match going which is kind of funny.  They hit the floor for awhile and it’s all Savage for the most part here.  Savage reverses a backdrop in the aisle and we head to the back.  Savage slams him on the concrete and then in an incredibly creative finish, Savage uses a rope and ties Crush upside down from a scaffold to get the guaranteed win.  Awesome ending to a fun match and also the extent of Savage meaning anything as a WWF wrestler.

Rating: C+. This match was a real grudge match and you could see the emotions coming out. This was the precursor to what would become hardcore and the last man standing match. The falls having to be outside of the ring was just a bad idea though and holds it back. Savage as the legend is something that really works well for him.  I’ve always liked this match for some reason, partially because Savage was still awesome at this point and was clearly having fun out there.

Todd talks to the fake Clinton again. It’s pointless. To be fair though, he’s a pro imitator and it’s made to look legit so this is a huge improvement over what we usually get.  IRS is there with him and congratulates him for raising the taxes.  I’ll spare you a long rant on that one.

We recap fan fest which is the precursor to Axxess.

Savage goes into the crowd to celebrate as we see another WM moment with Savage winning the belt.

Women’s Title: Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

For some reason, Kai’s music here is the same that Harley Race came to the ring to during Flair’s retirement ceremony last year. Very odd indeed as there’s absolutely no connection between the two that I know of. Kai was the Women’s Champion going into the first Mania, 9 years before this.  She was the best option they had?  Seriously?

Blayze is more common known as Madusa in WCW.  Sunset flip out of the corner gets two for the champion.  This isn’t going to be anything special at all is it?  Another sunset flip is the high point of it so far.  The crowd is DEAD.  A slam gets two as I think you can get what’s going on here.  All Blayze does is leverage stuff although I’d bet a lot of this ending with a German suplex.  This needs to end badly and the German finally does it.  Moolah, Mae and Nikolai Volkoff are sitting together for some reason.

Rating: D-. The match itself isn’t bad, but this is at Wrestlemania and it’s clear that this match was thrown onto the card. There’s no story, no build, no time given to it, and no one cares. Blazye was solid, and in case you can’t place here she’s far more famous as Madusa in WCW. The problem she had though was there was no competition for her anywhere at all. She was the woman that dropped the Women’s Title in the trash on Nitro which allegedly triggered Montreal.

WM moment: Roddy sprays Morton Downey Jr. at WM 5. Funny actually.

Tag Titles: Men on a Mission vs. The Quebecers

Zero transition between the previous moment and this.  Oh my I had forgotten about M.O.M. This very well may be the worst gimmick of all time. The idea behind the team was that they would help young kids improve their lives in the inner cities by preaching positive values to them.

Of course there’s one thing they need to get over. What’s the one thing that every young kid is into? What does everybody love? No not head you sick freaks. Get your minds out of the gutters. They love RAP of course. Therefore, the team had a rapping manager named Oscar.

The team was therefore Mabel (more commonly known as Viscera or Big Daddy V), Oscar, (more commonly known as annoying) and Mo (more commonly known as Felix, the bum that washes your windows in exchange for a non-urine soaked blanket and a bag of Funions). Mabel, Oscar, Mo. M.O.M.

Now after that description, what’s coming next is absolute proof that Satan himself is a wrestling fan: THEY GOT OVER. Yes, somehow this team was wildly popular to the point that they were regular tag title contenders, even winning the belts at a house show literally by mistake. Mabel fell on one of the Quebecers and he couldn’t kick out in time because of the weight.

Anyway, this is for the tag titles so let’s get it over with. It’s a basic formula for MOM: Mo does all the work until Mabel comes in to clean house. For some reason that no one knows, we cut to the back for an interview with some annoying blonde tv show host? Before she can talk though, HBK interrupts for some reason but the girl doesn’t mind.

They pose for a picture until Burt Reynolds interrupts. He says Shawn should shave his chest before Shawn leaves. Can someone pick Bex up off the floor? Apparently the girl’s show is called Up All Night and Burt makes a joke saying she keeps him up all night and they both wish there was something they could do about that as the dirty jokes of Mania continue their hallowed tradition.

We go back to the arena after that totally random moment for the Quebecers entrance. They’re accompanied by Johnny Polo, a.k.a. Raven in a gimmick that astounds me to this day. Considering what he would become in less than two years, to be Polo here is amazing.

Oh I forgot to mention: MOM’s outfits are shiny purple and gold with the writing on Mabel’s chest saying whomp there it is.  Let’s get this over with.  The champions jump the apparent Laker fans and double team Mabel.  Mo gets a cross body on Pierre and a big old legdrop from Mabel to the back of Pierre’s head nearly kills him.

The Quebecers do a sneaky switch and Mo, of course, is in trouble.  Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Mo for two.  I want this to end very soon.  Mo hits the ropes and kind of rolls forward to take down Pierre.  False tag to Mabel sets up a missed guillotine legdrop and the tag to Mabel to ZERO reaction.

Mabel misses a charge into what must be a hard buckle as it somehow gets through the layer of flab known as Mabel’s gut.  On their second attempt the Quebecers actually get a suplex on the fat one.  A Cannonball gets two on Mabel as this is DRAGGING.  Mabel hits his spin kick and the double splash from him and Mo for no count.  After another double splash the champions take a walk for the countout.  Well at least it’s over.

Rating: F. This was dull stuff and the ending was completely awful.  Mabel was so fat that he fell on a Quebecer at a house show and it was enough to accidentally switch the titles.  Mo was totally worthless to the point that Mabel was the better one.  What does that tell you?

Another Mania moment is the Ultimate Challenge from Mania 6 which is awesome.

We bring in the celebrities which are a bit weak this year.  Some chick from USA and some actor named Donny Wahlberg are here.  OH!  That isn’t a TV station they’re saying.  It’s NKOTB: New Kids on the Block.  WOW this is even worse than I thought it was.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Here we have the first of two WWF Title matches tonight. Due to Lex Luger winning the coin toss he gets the first crack here. The winner of this match faces Bret Hart in the main event, which is stupid as Bret already lost but that’s logic and therefore doesn’t belong in wrestling. This is a rematch from Summerslam and the theory is that Luger has Yoko’s number.

First though we have a guest referee: Mr. Perfect, who hadn’t been seen in forever.  This Donny dude isn’t a bad announcer actually.  The fans chant USA almost immediately.  Perfect is in a referee shirt and matching pants, making it look like he’s in pajamas.  Manly pajamas mind you but still pajamas.  They stare it down in the middle and Luger hammers away.

Clothesline hits but Yoko doesn’t move.  Yoko hits one of his own and Luger certainly does move.  To the floor and Yoko eats steps so we go back into the ring.  This isn’t looking good early on.  Luger goes aerial and gets a cross body for two.  Lex goes for a slam but can’t get the fatness up again so Yoko gets going again.  Granted he didn’t get going in the first place but it sounds better that way I guess.

Yoko tries to get the buckle off a corner but Lex stops him with punches.  We hit a nerve hold which is a nice way to say Yoko is tired and needs to lean on someone to rest for awhile.  Two minutes have passed and nothing has changed.  Literally, ALL nerve hold for that stretch.  It’s broken up, Luger fights him off, gets knocked down again and we hit the nerve hold again.  We’re seven minutes into this match and over half has been nerve holding.

Luger is sent to the floor and Fuji trips him which is somehow the most interesting thing we’ve had going on so far.  Oh look: MORE NERVE HOLDING!  I get that Yoko isn’t able to move that well and needs to conserve energy for later, but maybe, just maybe, THAT MEANS THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!  Luger gets some clotheslines and slams Yoko before the forearm hits.

Cornette and Fuji are brought into the ring which gets them nowhere.  Luger covers Yoko who is out cold but Perfect won’t count due to the loaded arm.  It’s a heel move but it’s perfectly legal which is my favorite kind.  Perfect won’t count, Luger isn’t happy because he thinks Perfect has better hair, Luger shoves him and it’s a DQ.  At least it’s over.

Rating: F. Sweet merciful crap this was dull.  Luger’s offense consisted of various clotheslines and punches.  Aside from that there was probably 1/3 nerve hold.  The fans have one of the loudest BULL chants I’ve ever heard.  This was an awful match to put it mildly and the ending kills it even worse.  Just awful all around.

While it’s a ridiculous finish, allegedly it was Lex’s own fault. There’s a fairly popular theory in wrestling that Luger was supposed to leave WM with the title but went out to a bar and got drunk before telling a bunch of the people that he was going to win it. WWF found out and changed the plans, leading to this finish. Whether that’s true or not, I wouldn’t be surprised. Luger’s push was monumental at this point and him getting the title would have made sense.

Luger screams at Perfect in the back over what happened.

WM moment: from WM 7, the awful blindfolded match. Even Vince says “yet another WM moment” as he’s getting sick of them too.

Harvey Whipleman and the Fink get into an argument. Adam Bomb runs out to protect Harvey from the horrible terror that is the Fink and his slaps of death. Earthquake runs out for this.

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Seriously? Quake still had a job in 19 freaking 94??? This is literally three moves long. Belly to belly, powerslam, Earthquake, pinfall. What in the world was the point of this?  No rating of course.
Jim Cornette cuts another of his great fast talking promos that so many people should study. Really, this guy is gold. You can just hear the passion flowing out of him whenever he speaks.

Another Mania Moment is Taker appearing at Mania 8.  There was nothing to it and I have no clue why this was listed here.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

No backstory again, so here I am to save the day!  The idea here is Shawn was the IC Champion but was fired/released from the company for testing positive for steroids. He was the IC Champion at the time and was stripped for not defending it often enough. However he was rehired a few months later and still had the title belt. He said he was the real IC Champion, despite Razor Ramon having won it in his absence. The solution: this match. Put both belts above the ring and the first person to go get them wins both.

The announcer says there are no rules in this match, then lists off how you win.  That sounds like a set of rules to me.  Dang if you can’t trust wrestling what can you trust?  I can’t really overstate the importance of this one enough as it made both guys’ careers and changed wrestling forever, as now instead of being about power and muscle guys, younger and more athletic guys were stealing the show with high flying and innovative stuff.  Huge stuff to say the least.

Also for a bit of known trivia, Shawn vs. Bret was the first ladder match nearly two years before this.  Razor stares at Diesel as we get going.  Shawn tries to move around and use his speed so Razor grabs him by the throat and hits a chokeslam.  The cameraman runs into the referee on the floor as it’s been far too long since I watched this match.

Diesel hits a clothesline to Razor on the floor and is thrown out almost immediately.  NOW we get to the good stuff.  Razor hits a HUGE clothesline to send Shawn to the floor as this is incredibly hard hitting already.  Razor peels back some mats on the floor but the fight goes back to the ring.  Shawn backdrops his way out of the Razor’s Edge and Razor crashes onto the concrete.

IT’S LADDER TIME as this is about to get awesome.  Shawn gets the baseball slide into the ladder into Razor’s ribs and the Bad Guy is in trouble now.  The ladder is fully in the ring now and Shawn begins his dominance.  The ribs take a big old pounding now as Shawn literally drops the ladder on his back.

Shawn goes up but Razor grabs a foot.  Oh great it’s Shawn’s back again.  And do we really need to zoom in on it?  We get the famous spot of the match as Shawn jumps off the ladder with a splash onto Razor which has aired in about 1000 highlight reels.  Shawn goes up again but Razor shoves the ladder over, sending Shawn into the ropes to put both guys down.

We get the always cool Wile E. Coyote shot from above which is cool to see as Razor looks a bit dead.  Shawn goes into the ladder in the corner and crashes to the floor.  So far all of the big bumps involving the ladder have been done by Shawn as the biggest Razor has done was being thrown over the top before the ladder came into play.

Slingshot into the ladder and Shawn hangs on so it falls backwards and crushes him against the floor.  Razor is alone in the ring now with the ladder and goes up but Shawn dives in off the top for the last second save.  Both guys climb and the slug out is on.  Razor slams him off the ladder and takes a rather slow fall down onto the ropes to the point where he doesn’t actually hit the ground.

Shawn dropkicks him off the ladder and Razor takes a decent enough bump this time.  Razor is still down so Shawn just shoves the ladder on top of him.  Why mess with the simple stuff?  Big Piledriver to Razor has his down for a good while now.  Shawn gets in another famous spot as he rides the ladder down onto Razor and both guys are in pain again.

And alas it has to end as Shawn puts the ladder over top of Razor which doesn’t really do much.  Razor gets up, shoves the ladder and along with it Shawn over.  His leg gets caught in the ropes and Razor climbs unhindered to the top to become the undisputed Intercontinental Champion.  Shawn did the majority of the bumping here but the idea of Shawn doing everything in this is absurd.

Rating: A+. The best gimmick match of all time at that point by a long shot.  This is one of the handful of WWF matches give five stars by Meltzer and for once I agree with him.  These two beat the tar out of each other and it still more than holds up over fifteen years later.  This is what made Shawn and Razor, which is rare to see for two guys.

There was a scheduled ten man tag scheduled that had to be cut for time reasons. It was held on Raw a few weeks later. Nothing special.

DiBiase tries to buy the President who brushes him off.

We get a pretty sweet video package on Bret, further cementing his title win tonight. A similar package airs on Yoko but it’s far worse, and it leads us to the main event.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

This is the first time ever that we get a rematch in the main event of Mania. A bunch of mid 90s celebrities introduce themselves and maybe 10 people care. Seriously, this NEVER works as they’re outdated in two years 99% of the time. However, the guest referee is introduced: HOT ROD HIMSELF, Rowdy Roddy Piper! Holy goodness, this makes absolutely no sense but who cares???  Burt Reynolds is the drunk ring announcer for the evening.

Yoko is out first, as if Bret needed anymore guarantees that he’ll be winning here. This is a year after their first match and Bret has come a LONG way since then and here it actually seems that he’s got a chance to pull it off. If you watch WM 9’s main event and then this one back to back, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.  A very subtle difference also is Bret’s music. Last year he was using the Hart Foundation’s old music, whereas this time it’s his own song.

This match also truly feels like a main event. You really get the feeling that this is truly it. The more I see the finish the more I like it. Oh yeah we have an actual match here.

Yokozuna jumps Bret to start as Bret’s knee is still messed up from earlier in the night which is the kind of continuity you rarely get anymore.  Yoko misses what can only be described as a running Frog Splash and both guys are down.  Piper counts a bit fast for my taste.  Bret gets a headbutt and hurts himself.

Down goes Yoko off a solid shot as the crowd is clearly pretty tired.  Bret knocks him back down with just strikes which isn’t considered a huge deal this year.  Huge difference there which helps a lot.  Piper drills Cornette for interfering.  Legdrop hits Bret and he’s in big trouble.  He fights back and gets a bulldog for a long two.  You can’t blame Piper as he DOVE to get the hand down.

Bret gets up and limps ever so slightly.  NICE.  A clothesline puts Yoko down for two again.  Bret comes off the middle rope and jumps into a belly to belly and the Canadian is in trouble.  Yoko takes him to the corner to set up the Banzai Drop but he literally slips and falls off the ropes and Bret climbs on for the pin to get the title back.  It sounds corny but this surprisingly worked.

Rating: C+. The main reason this match is miles ahead of last year’s is it gets a little more time. With Yoko you can’t go much longer than 15 minutes as he gets tired as well as he starts to run out of moves that he can use. This match clocks in at about 11 minutes, which doesn’t sound like much when compared to the nine and a half that it got the year before, but the time really does help.

There’s far less of the match dedicated to Bret trying to find a way around Yoko’s size and he just goes for it from bell to bell and it’s a huge improvement.  He comes off as a challenger and not an underdog the entire time which helps it out a lot.  Rather than having Bret doing whatever he can to survive, Bret looks like a guy looking for a way to win, which is a subtle but key difference.  FAR better than last year.

Luger comes down to congratulate him as the locker room empties for the big celebration.  Owen won’t get in there though and we have the feud for the rest of the year.

Overall Rating: A. You have a 9 match card with two all time classics and do I really need to go on?  This show is all about that and the rest is just kind of there, but all the bad stuff is pretty short.  When you have two A+ matches on one show, it’s kind of hard to say it’s anything but great.  The one criticism I have: why wasn’t Luger vs. Bret the main event?  Either way, this was a great show as it feels epic on all levels and it comes off that way too.  Definitely worth seeing.