Now listen. This ain’t no make believe. Today is John Morrison.

Morrison won Tough Enough III along with Matt Cappotelli in 2003. The pair would head to OVW for awhile with a few WWE shots in between. Here’s one of their first matches, from Heat in January 2004.

Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Matt Cappotelli/John Hennigan

Cade takes Cappotelli down to the mat before it’s off to Jindrak with an arm wringer. Matt comes back with a spinning cross body for two but Jindrak blasts him in the face with a right hand. Hennigan makes a blind tag but gets his head taken off with an elbow to the jaw. A backbreaker gets two on John as the Tough Enough trainer Al Snow is coaching from commentary.

Hennigan and Cappotelli hit a double hiptoss into a nipup and a legdrop by Matt for two. Jindrak hits his great clothesline to take over and cranks on Matt’s arm. Cappotelli counters a backdrop and tags in Hennigan to clean house with dropkicks. Everything breaks down and Jindrak snaps John’s neck across the top rope to give Cade the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s really hard to complain about two rookies having a lame match. At this point in their careers they needed ring time more than anything else and that’s what they were getting here. Neithe guy looked great out there but to be fair, they were facing Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak. Not exactly the Hart Foundation or the Fantastics.

Hennigan would become Eric Bischoff’s lackey and start going by Johnny Spade and then Johnny Nitro, which finally stuck. He would stay on Raw for a few months before being sent back down to OVW as part of MNM with Joey Mercury and Melina. They would dominate the OVW Tag Team Titles for awhile before being called up to the Smackdown roster and debut on April 21, 2005.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: MNM vs. Rey Mysterio/Eddie Guerrero

MNM is challenging of course and the champions have been having issues lately. Eddie goes off on Nitro to start but it’s quickly off to Mercury. The champions send Joey to the floor and we take a break. Back with Eddie hammering on Nitro before it’s off to Rey for a kick to the chest. A dropkick sets up the slingshot hilo for two and a belly to back gets the same on Nitro. MNM gets in a few cheap shots and knocks Eddie off the apron to take over.

Mercury throws Eddie onto Nitro’s knee for two and a running knee to the ribs gets the same. We hit the abdominal stretch for a few seconds until Eddie nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A hot tag brings in Mysterio to clean house, including a springboard seated senton for two on Mercury. Everything breaks down and Eddie busts out Three Amigos on Mercury to set up the 619. Melina makes the save and kisses Melina, allowing MNM to hit the Snapshot for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. The match was mainly there so Eddie and Rey could split up after the match and start their feud. It also allows MNM to look good in their debut match and get the titles on a young team. Eddie and Rey handled the wrestling here but the Snapsnot was a nice double team move. Picture a 3D with Nitro hitting a DDT instead of a cutter.

We’re going to skip way ahead now because there was very little of note for MNM in the next year. They dominated the Smackdown Tag Title scene against opponents such as the new LOD, the Mexicools and Tatanka/Matt Hardy. Soon after Wrestlemania XXII, Nitro would be sent to Raw where he would jump into the Intercontinental Title hunt, including a three way for the title at Vengeance 2006.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro

Shelton is champion here and is a heel at the moment. This match was on the history of the IC Title DVD for seemingly no reason but the more I thought about it the more it makes sense. We have three midcard guys here that have no chance of being world champion at this point and need the credibility. A match like this is a great way to let them get over and gives them something to go after. It’s perfect and sums up what the title is supposed to be about.

The winner of this would feud with Jeff Hardy for awhile then Umaga, and then Santino would win it and cripple the belt for years until Jericho and Rey recently helped save it. Nitro is Morrison as you likely know. Melina is with him and is just freaking yummy looking. They’re going with the old school one on one formula here which is fine I guess. Carlito hits a nice dive to the floor to take everyone out and get the crowd awake. Good night Melina can freaking scream.

It’s so sad to see Carlito doing all kinds of flips and impressive looking stuff considering the levels of laziness he would reach in the future. Shelton catches Nitro’s flip into a powerbomb position and just falls backwards into a snake eyes for a great move. Even Ross is bragging about Carlito. There are some nice triple and double person spots in this thing. Lawler says that Melina is a bit upset by Nitro getting crotched.

In an AMAZING spot that gets a well deserved HOLY CRAP chant, Nitro is in the Tree of Woe, Carlito is standing on the top, Shelton jumps from the mat to the top, Shelton hooks Carlito in a suplex as Nitro does a massive sit-up to hook Shelton in a powerbomb. That looked awesome. Shelton takes a Backstabber, called the Backcracker here but Nitro pulls him out and gets the pin and the title in a steal. Nice way to end a good match.

Rating: B. I really liked this one as it was very fast paced and a great example of three guys being given a chance and showing off with it. This one worked very well and is probably the best match of the night so far, although not by much. This was a very fun match though and worked.

Nitro would spend the next few months trading the title with Jeff Hardy, becoming a three time champion by November. The feud culminated with a ladder match on the November 20, 2006 episode of Raw.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Ladder match with Jeff defending in case you’re stupid like that. The fans are all behind Hardy as they lock up to start. Johnny bails to the floor but comes back in with some uppercuts to take over. The Whisper in the Wind puts Nitro back down but Nitro comes back with a facebuster. There’s the screech from Melina and Nitro gets the ladder. Before it can be put inside though Jeff hits a baseball slide to take him out. A big dive takes out Nitro and the ladder as we take a break.

Back with Jeff loading up the ladder in the ring, only to have Nitro shoving him down and into the ropes. Jeff gets back up and rams Nitro face first into the ladder before going up and blocking a superplex off the ladder. Jeff loads up something off the top of the ladder but gets crotched on the top rope instead. Nitro loads up the ladder but Jeff comes off the top with a missile dropkick to take the ladder and Nitro down at the same time.

Nitro comes back with a catapult but launches Jeff onto the ladder for no apparent reason, causing a fight on top of said ladder. In a pretty awesome move, Johnny jumps off the ladder and dropkicks Jeff on the way down, sending both guys crashing down to the mat. With nothing else to do, Nitro throws the ladder at Hardy in the corner to crush him again. Johnny goes a climbing but Jeff makes an easy stop. A slam on the ladder keeps Nitro down but Jeff’s Swanton attempt only hits ladder.

Johnny throws the ladder at Jeff’s head and dropkicks him down but can’t follow up. Jeff’s back is whipped hard into the corner, allowing Nitro to bring in the big ladder. It gets driven into the champion’s ribs before being set up in the middle of the ring. Actually never mind as Nitro moves it over to the corner instead. Hardy comes back and sends him into the big ladder before climbing up the regular one. They both climb up, resulting in a sunset bomb to knock Nitro silly. A legdrop off the ladder keeps Nitro down and Hardy puts the ladder over him before climbing up to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was more about the brutality of the spots instead of the drama and that’s definitely an acceptable way to go. It’s not on the, pardon the pun, highest rung of the ladder match ladder, but for a free one on TV, there isn’t much to complain about on this one. Hardy doing his stunt show was a tried and true idea and it worked here fine.

Nitro would reunite with Mercury soon after this, leading to a tag team match at December to Dismember.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Soon after this Nitro would be sent to ECW where he would replace Chris Benoit in the ECW Title match at Vengeance 2007.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Johnny Nitro

Again this was supposed to be Benoit instead of Nitro which had me drooling over the thought of it. Punk cleanshaven is odd looking. Nitro would become Morrison in about a month or so. We hear the term “personal reasons” which no one knew the meaning of at the time. It would be discovered tomorrow afternoon which is chilling when you think about it. What was he doing during this show?

I made a thread once about these two being the real rivalry in WWE over the last 3 years and I still think that. The fans want tables. Good luck with that. Nitro hits that springboard rotating kick which looks great. Johnny Nitro sounds like a guy Sandman should massacre in a TV squash. I think that might have been the idea actually. This is the standard decent match between the two of them but it’s really nothing all that special.

Nitro was little more than a glorified jobber that had a decent feud with Jeff Hardy a few months earlier but other than that he had a hot girlfriend and that’s about it. Oh and nice abs. Nitro uses the ropes to get extra leverage and like any other heel, it gets heat for him. Again, less is more. Simple cheating will get the crowd to boo you. Nitro hits that corkscrew neckbreaker while Punk’s feet are on the ropes like Orton’s elevated DDT to get the win and the title. Wow that match flew by and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing in this case.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but not great at all. Nitro wasn’t very good yet and it was clear here. He would become John Morrison and gain confidence in a few weeks which was huge to his career and still works to an extent today. Anyway, this wasn’t bad, but they would have FAR better matches later.

After changing his name to John Morrison, he would hook up with The Miz as a goofy comedy tag team. They would actually have some success and win more Tag Team Titles, which they would defend against CM Punk/Kane at Judgment Day 2008.

Smackdown Tag Titles: John Morrison/The Miz vs. Kane/CM Punk

 

If I remember this right there is zero story to this match at all. Morrison has the same music and nearly the same intro as he does today. It’s so shocking to look at Miz and know what was coming for him in just a few years. Morrison beat Kane on ECW which is about the extent of the build. Punk would go to Raw in the Draft in just over a month. He’s Mr. MITB at the moment also. Oh and Kane is ECW Champion. There was a talent exchange or whatever going on with Smackdown and ECW where they could be on both shows if you’re wondering how this is possible.

 

This actually gets big match intro treatment for no apparent reason. Odd indeed. Punk and Miz start us off and it’s so weird to see these two as midcarders. Off to Kane, who is by far and away the biggest star in this match. Kane beats Morrison up with ease but can’t do the same to Miz. Wow that sounds weird in context. Punk comes in with a slingshot knee drop to Morrison for two.

 

Tarantula version of the Anaconda Vice which is rather awesome goes on. Back off to Kane who massacres Miz a bit more, including the clothesline for no cover. Morrison goes all angry on Kane, hammering away with everything he can to slow baldie down. Miz and Morrison both have a lack of finishing moves for the most part other than Morrison having some weak stuff so there isn’t much of a way that they can put Kane down.

 

Luckily for them it’s off to Punk who beats on Morrison as is his custom. Down goes Miz and a snap powerslam gets two on Morrison. Springboard clothesline gets two on Morrison who is looking awesome with these kickouts. Miz tries to grab Morrison’s leg to slow things down a lot and is chokeslamed on the floor for his efforts. That distraction though lets the Moonlight Drive (neckbreaker) end Punk mostly clean.

 

Rating: C. Not a bad match here at all but it probably should have been a TV main event more than anything else. You could certainly see Miz and Morrison growing up here as they managed to stay away from the pins which was the right thing to do. Having matches with guys like Kane and Punk was what made them get a lot better in a hurry, which is exactly why someone like Kane was on ECW. Fine little match here.

Miz and Morrison would get big enough that they would face DX on the November 3, 2008 Raw.

D-Generation X vs.  John Morrison/The Miz

HHH is WWE Champion. DX does their intro and we get a clip from ECW where Miz/Morrison made fun of them for being old and then beat up some DX impersonators. Shawn points out that the impersonator has a huge nose. Maybe Shawn just got used to it over the years but THAT THING IS HUGE! They also mocked his chaps. You can punch his wife, you can spit in his face, BUT NO ONE MOCKS THE CHAPS!

HHH points out them making fun of Shawn for losing his hair. Shawn doesn’t remember this. HHH: “Well I’m pretty sure…” Shawn: “No they didn’t.” HHH: “Shawn I’m sure…” Shawn: “Drop it!” HHH: Well ok….” Shawn: “WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!” HHH makes fun of Miz/Morrison’s high school pictures. Miz looks like a horse and Morrison enjoys rest stop sex. Shawn says he’s ready, the fans say they’re ready, we get a clip of Big Dick Johnson giving Miz a lap dance for some reason which traumatizes Shawn, and now we get to the DX intro, complete with more gay jokes from the Game. Funny stuff.

Oh yeah we have a match to get to. This is joined in progress with Morrison getting two on HHH. HHH takes his head off with a clothesline and it’s a double tag. Shawn knocks Miz down and hits the elbow to set up the Kick. Morrison breaks that up and Miz takes over via a clothesline. Miz whips Shawn into the corner where Shawn flips, followed by Miz’s corner clothesline.

Morrison comes in and pokes Shawn in the eye so Shawn kicks him in the head. Off to HHH who cleans house with the knees to the face. Facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree on Morrison but Miz breaks it up, only to walk into the spinebuster. Morrison imitates Shawn with a forearm, nipup and then tuning up the band, with the kick connecting on HHH. Miz and Morrison do crotch chops and Miz loads up a Pedigree, which is easily countered. Shawn kicks Miz’s head off and the Pedigree ends this.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match at all as Miz/Morrison got to show off a bit here. There was never any doubt as to who would win as the non-degerates didn’t mean much yet. Seeing them imitate DX’s stuff was good though and that’s what popped the fans for the most part. Fun little match.

 

The team would be split up in the Draft and Morrison would be sent to Smackdown. He would receive an Intercontinental Title match on September 4, 2009.

Intercontinental Title: John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending. They shake hands and we’re ready to go. Both guys try fast rollups but it’s a standoff. They go to a test of strength grip and Mysterio fires some kicks to the legs, only to have Morrison get on top of him for some two counts. A headlock gives Morrison control on the mat as we’re still in the feeling out process so far.

Commentary goes away for a bit and comes back with Morrison rolling up Rey for two. Rey gets his first big move in and hits a rana to send both guys to the floor. They’re going in slow motion so far due to a lack of a reason for them to fight which is the constant problem you can have in a match like this. Back in and Mysterio charges into the corner and his shoulder CRACKS off the post. That sounded great. Or awful. I’m not sure which.

They finally speed things up with Rey snapping off a big headscissors to fire up the crowd and for two. Morrison starts making Mysterio miss him before getting kicked in the face and splashed for two. Rey hooks a chinlock to give both guys a chance to breathe. The fans seem to be far more behind Morrison which is kind of strange. Morrison fights up and hits a front flip into a dropkick for two in a sweet counter.

Standing shooting star gets two for Morrison before things speed up again and Rey is sent flying out to the floor. That gets two back inside as does a spinning legdrop from Morrison. We hit the chinlock again for a bit before Rey hits a pair of rollups for two. Morrison gets out of the 619 and they both try crossbodies at once.

We take a break and come back with both guys still down and Morrison getting two. Morrison puts on a bodyscissors which doesn’t get him anywhere. Rey sends him to the apron and out to the floor followed by another hurricanrana to the outside. A springboard legdrop gets two but the sitout bulldog is countered into a mat slam by Morrison for two. A running knee to the face of Rey gets two as does a spinning cross body from Mysterio.

Mysterio goes up but jumps into a dropkick which gets another near fall. Starship Pain misses and Rey hits the 619 out of nowhere. The springboard splash misses and the Flying Chuck (think Cody’s Disaster Kick) gets a very close two. John goes up and after countering a rana attempt, hits a middle rope Starship Pain for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. I haven’t seen this match before actually and the only thing I can think of to say is that’s it? It was good and the ending had some solid near falls, but if this was a match of the year candidate the this was one of the weakest years ever for wrestling. It was a good match and entertained me, but man this just didn’t fire me up other than once or twice near the end. I don’t get the hype here and I think it’s one of those situations where people confuse length of a match with the quality of the match.

Morrison would be in the World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber in 2010.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker vs. CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho

Rey is out first and thankfully he’s only been world champion once. Morrison is out second and gets a solid pop. Remember he has a bad ankle allegedly. Jericho gets a solid pop of his own. Taker is fourth and this is the interesting thing. In case you didn’t hear, he was set on fire by the pyro.

Let’s see if I can see it unlike anyone else watching the show. Ok the fire is going on and he’s not there yet. Ok there he is and everything seems ok. The flames keep going up but you can’t see where they are in relation to him. Everything seems fine at the moment though.

RIGHT THERE! The flames go up in the middle of everything where he would have been standing so I’d bet that’s where it happened. It’s right as Chimmel is saying his name. Oh yeah when they go down he’s nearly running out of there. Oh man he is TICKED.

There’s a moment where the camera locks on Rey which is when I’m guessing Taker has water poured on him. Now let’s think about this for a minute. Taker, other than running to the ring, which is fairly understandable I’d say, completely stayed in character there.

Think about that: he was just involved in what could have been a life threatening situation or if nothing else something that could have caused severe injury to him. He stayed in character. You can complain about him all you want, but that my friends is discipline. I don’t think the announcers have a clue what was going on but they play it up as the Chamber changing him. Punk cuts a promo on his way to the ring which of course is epic.

Seriously, this gimmick could carry him for ten years easily. Truth cuts him off. As I’ve said before, wrestlers that get the crowd involved or play to them are ALWAYS going to be bigger deals. Think about this match for example: Truth, Jericho, Rey and Punk got the biggest reactions. Taker here is an exception but look at Morrison. He doesn’t play to the crowd much and he got a far weaker reaction.

Truth talks to the fans, Rey does the mask thing, Jericho and Punk’s promos are insulting to the crowd. They get bigger reactions and they’re the four here with world titles. Morrison doesn’t have one yet does he? And the length of time in the company argument doesn’t hold up as Morrison has been in WWE longer or as long as Punk.

Morrison and Punk start us off. Apparently Serena is Punk’s concubine. Ok then. Truth is dominating here. They’re using the Chamber really well here. That’s a big thing that puts this WAY ahead of its I guess you would say counterpart, Hell in a Cell. They messed that show up so badly I can’t comprehend it.

After a missed elbow, GTS puts Truth out. And now we wait for the rest of the clock and Punk gets to talk even more. That’s a great mini gimmick. He mentions making Taker tap. Love that. It’s Rey in next so we’re getting what’s likely a Mania preview here. They fight outside on the cage area with Rey getting slammed into the cage. Cool spot.

Rey is getting destroyed with a capital destr here. Punk tries a GTS from the top rope and Cole makes me laugh. Striker: you can tear a tendon up there. Cole: how about falling on your head? And Rey gets the rana and a splash from the top for the pin to get us down to four. Ok then.

Next in is Jericho to a nice reaction. He hits this 619 but Jericho gets outside to avoid the really weak pin off a really bad move. Rey hits the Spiderman spot which is always cool. These two can’t have a bad match I don’t think. Rey hooks a form of a dragon sleeper and the IWC rejoices. Solid stuff here.

Rey is in the Walls as the clock ticks down and it’s Morrison. For ZERO apparent reason, he goes for Jericho who lets go of the hold. Yep that makes no sense at all. In a cool spot Morrison goes up top and Rey shoves him into the pod. That would hurt like something that hurts a lot. Morrison hits the standing shooting star on Rey. Solid stuff but they’re just milling around waiting on Taker to come in here. Jericho hits a SWEET backbreaker on Rey to stop the 619 for no apparent reason.

Morrison gets that springboard spinkick that I freaking love. Rey is the only one with something close to control here. And Starship Pain puts Mysterio out to get us down to three. Morrison is getting to showcase himself here which is a big deal. Jericho gets the Walls on John and there’s the clock. And he hits Jericho which makes NO SENSE but whatever. Taker is getting NO reaction here.

The two living guys go after Taker which makes sense. Apparently half of Taker’s offense is his defense. What grade did you teach Striker? Jericho does something great as he hides in a pod. That’s very smart. Shame they’re clear so he’s easy to see.

With Jericho down Taker goes after Morrison who hits the kick again to put him down. Starship Pain is blocked and there goes Morrison’s chances. Jericho is hiding again which is brilliant. In a great looking visual, Morrison is hanging onto the cage while Jericho and Taker fight underneath him.

Taker is SLAMMED into the pod which would hurt horribly. Taker getting a chant now. Morrison gets chokeslammed onto the cage and he’s gone. How have Jericho and Taker never had a long feud? There go the straps. Jericho is in control here but both guys are banged up. Taker goes for the chokeslam with FREAKY looking eyes.

After a bunch of counters, Jericho gets the Walls. Cole points out that he’s in the middle of the ring, even though in a bit he points out that ropes mean nothing in this match. Make up your freaking mind Cole. Jericho hits the Codebreaker which Taker jumps in to, making it look all the better. Last Ride hits and Taker kind of throws him with it. That looked great. We get the Tombstone sign and there’s Shawn. You know the rest.

Rating: A-. I loved this but I would have liked seeing Jericho get the clean pin and for the first two guys getting more time. Either way they pushed a lot of Mania here which is the best thing they could do. The wrestling here was great and they had Morrison do what he had to do out there. This was great stuff though and it worked very well. Great match.

Morrison wouldn’t do much for the rest of the year but would get on a roll in the winter, leading to a WWE Championship falls count anywhere match with Miz defending on the first Raw of 2011.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Morrison

No Lawler due to the beatdown last week by Miz. Morrison takes down Riley to start and we hit the floor very quickly. Morrison fights both guys off and comes off the top of the big W with a huge cross body for two. Back to the ring as that was a very quick segment up there. Missile dropkick gets two for the challenger. The running knee gets two also as Riley interferes. Morrison DESTROYS Riley and we take a break as the paramedics attend to him.

Back with Miz setting up a piece of railing up against the stage. He can’t suplex Morrison through it for awhile but Morrison tries one too many counters and winds up taking a backdrop into it for two. Back towards the ring again with Miz in control. They slug it out in the ring with Morrison taking over again.

Morrison gets Miz down and goes for Starship Pain. Miz rolls out of the way and gets the Reality Check for two. He charges but rams into the post. Starship Pain hits for two and a big kick sends Miz to the floor. Morrison sets up a table and goes for Starship Pain off the top through the table. The champion moves and the table more or less explodes in an awesome looking spot. That somehow only gets two and Miz is ticked off. The Skull Crushing Finale on the floor ends this clean at approximately 22:00.

Rating: B+. This was a good brawl and a solid back and forth match. I’m not sure if I get the point of having Morrison use his title shot on the first show of the year rather than the Rumble but there’s time to see what they’ve got planned I suppose. This had some good spots and there were a few moments of possibility that the title could change hands. Good stuff but it never hit the level they wanted it to I don’t think.

 

Morrison would get another shot in a cage with Cena involved as well at Extreme Rules 2011.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

 

In a cage and it’s pin, submission or escape.  Miz tries to run but the not brothers John save him.  Midnight Express flapjack puts the champ down as we’re firmly into the three way formula already.  Everyone beats on everyone as the former tag champions……and by that I mean Miz and Morrison…..go up but Cena makes the save.  Miz and Cena fight on the top rope for a bit and down goes Cena.

Morrison tries to make a quick escape as Miz tries a pin but the champion saves.  They sit on top of the cage and slug it out as Booker says they’re 20 or 30 feet in the air.  I give up.  Cena pops up and it’s a double suplex to Miz but they kind of botch it into almost a double brainbuster.  That looked SICK.  Back to the formula again and down goes Morrison.

Cena locks on the STF but Miz tries to escape.  Cena lets go for some reason and no one escapes.  Morrison gets thrown into the cage, only to jump up the wall and almost escape.  He’s a wildcard in this and changes the whole thing, as wildcards are designed to do.  With the Johns on top, Miz tries to go out the door.  Morrison kicks the door onto his head but gets crotched on said door.

Miz wisely pulls Morrison back into the cage because Morrison was about to just fall onto the floor.  Cena gets two on Morrison.  BIG DDT on Cena by Miz gets two.  Miz rams Cena into the cage and Morrison almost escapes, only to be caught again by Miz.  They slug it out on top of the cage again and Miz can’t quite get down.  Miz goes down so Morrison launches a Starship Pain off the cage to take out both guys in a cool spot.

Morrison almost gets out but of course here’s Truth to slam the door on Morrison’s head.  Truth comes into the cage and destroys Morrison.  Axe kick to Cena as Booker is confused.  Jumping downward spiral (NAME THAT MOVE ALREADY!) to Morrison as Truth climbs the cage.  He hasn’t touched Miz.  Truth climbs out of the cage and has the big freaky eyes going on.

Everyone is down now and Miz is the first one up.  He goes to escape, for some reason not going through the door, only to be caught by Cena.  They slug it out with the boo/yay which is required for Cena matches anymore.  Skull Crushing Finale is blocked into a big old FU off the top (stealing moves from Orton Cena?  Really) and Cena is champion again.

Rating: B-. Well we all knew the Truth interference was coming and that Morrison wasn’t walking out with the title which is fine.  The ending sets up a rematch and Truth vs. Morrison which is fine on both counts.  This was a pretty solid main event to a pretty solid show which is always a good sign.  They worked the formula and they worked it well here, so no complaints for the most part.

 

Soon after this Morrison would get the losing streak angle because he said his girlfriend Melina should have been on Wrestlemania instead of Trish Stratus. He won a match on Raw to earn a US Title shot at Survivor Series 2011.

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison

Morrison lost FOREVER, then won a match on Raw after Mason Ryan helped, and gets a title match as a result. This was during a bad period where Ziggler had a rock cover of his song which didn’t work at all. Feeling out process to start and the fans want RYDER. This was when Ryder was white hot but WWE decided that crushing him for the sake of Kane and Jack Swagger. Ziggler gets taken down by the arm as the announcers talk about Ryder.

The fans now think this is boring so Dolph jumps over John in the corner and hits a dropkick to take over. Off to a headlock by the champion as the fans still want Ryder. Dolph gets thrown to the floor and Morrison hits a big corkscrew dive to take the champ out. Vickie offers an annoying distraction and Ziggler takes over back inside. Ziggler takes Morrison down and nips up in a good athletic display before hooking a near Crossface.

As the fans chant the same thing I’d expect to hear for the entire show, Ziggler stands around a lot. Morrison misses a charge in the corner and Dolph hits a reverse powerslam for two. The sleeper doesn’t go on and Morrison starts speeding things up with clotheslines and a leg lariat. That gets two and so does a rollup with tights for Ziggler. Morrison kicks Dolph in the head for two and a half and they trade sleepers.

The fans seem to be more behind Ziggler but it’s New York so that’s not shocking. John hits a spinning DDT for two as Vickie puts Dolph’s foot on the rope, which earns her an ejection. Morrison misses a running knee and they rapidly trade near falls. The Flying Chuck misses for Morrison and it’s a Fameasser…..for two. Wow I thought that was it. The running knee hits Ziggler in the face but Starship Pain hits Ziggler’s knees. Zig Zag retains the title.

Rating: B-. I dug this match a lot, annoying crowd aside. Sometimes there’s nothing better you can do than throw two talented guys out there for ten minutes and let them have fun. Ziggler is more or less in the same spot he’s in a year later which is annoying but it’s the way of life in the WWE. Morrison would be gone in eight days which almost knew was coming.

I’ll throw in one last match from outside of WWE. This is from Pro Wrestling Syndicate on April 5, 2013.

Jushin Thunder Liger vs. John Morrison

Sabu comes out for no apparent reason and does nothing. Morrison grabs an arm to start but gets taken down and put into a modified surfboard. John rolls out and grabs the ankle but Liger rolls away and it’s a standoff. A suplex out of a test of strength gets two for Liger and we hit an abdominal stretch on the mat. John trips him down again as the technical start continues.

Liger wraps up Morrison’s legs in an Indian deathlock, wraps his leg around Morrison’s head and cranks on a chickenwing at the same time. Since Morrison is about to be broken into 19 pieces, he breakdances up off Liger’s stomach (seriously) and puts on a chinlock. Back up and some clotheslines drop Liger, setting up a leg lariat and a standing Shooting Star for two. John goes up but gets shoved to the floor, allowing Liger to hit a running flip dive to take Morrison down again.

Back in and Liger hits a running palm strike in the corner and the Liger Bomb for two. Morrison comes back with a running knee to the face for two but Liger nails him with a belly to back facebuster. The Frog Splash hits knees and Morrison can get a breather. They slug it out until Morrison kicks him in the face for two. Morrison goes up but gets superplexed down for an even closer near fall. Liger loads up a belly to back superplex but gets elbowed to the mat, setting up Starship Pain (with Morrison’s leg hitting Liger’s face) for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m not a big fan of the indy style and the dream matches rarely do anything for me either. The problem here was there’s no reason for these guys to be fighting other than they’re both big names. It’s not bad but it’s nothing I’d care to see again. The commentators really hurt this as well by sounding like fanboys trying to sound professional.

Morrison is a guy with unbelievable talent but his backstage issues held him down. By that I mean he has a girlfriend who can’t keep her mouth shut and gets him in trouble a lot of the time. Some of those earlier matches are great though and he could have been WWE Champion if he had more of a character. He’s worth checking out, especially after he brings in the Parkour stuff.

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Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

This is all about Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart. The main event is an hour long Iron Man Match with Bret defending against the absolutely on fire Shawn Michaels. Since returning last May, Shawn has hit a stride where he is without a doubt the best in the world. There’s almost nothing else on the entire card other than Undertaker vs. Diesel as the Streak finally has a big match included. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the dream of the champion (to stay on top) and the challenger (to rise to the top of the mountain). They make the match feel like a very big deal which is the right idea. Good stuff.

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Camp Cornette is Vader/Owen Hart/British Bulldog and if they lose, Yoko gets five minutes alone with Cornette. Of all the music for the faces to come out to, they pick Yoko’s? The monsters brawl to start and Yoko takes him down with a clothesline. Another one sends Vader to the floor and Ahmed hits a big dive over the top to take Vader down again. Back in and they slug it out some more before it’s off to Owen. Yoko is so fat here it’s amazing that he can move.

After Owen gets beaten up a bit it’s back to Vader for more hard shots to the head. Vader pounds him down to the mat but Yoko is able to get over to Ahmed for a not hot tag. Johnston starts cleaning house on everyone until Vader gets in a shot from behind to take him down. A jumping senton misses Ahmed though and a flying clothesline puts Vader down.

We settle down to Johnsn vs. Bulldog with Ahmed loading up the Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb), only to have Hart hit a missile dropkick to break it up. Owen drags him back to the corner and here’s more Vader. A splash crushes Johnson but there’s still no cover. Back to Owen who is clotheslined down almost immediately and there’s the real hot tag to Jake. Oh and Mr. Fuji is in the face corner with an American flag.

Owen avoids the DDT and Jake charges into a knee in the corner. Bulldog puts on the front facelock so the fans chant USA. At least most of the face team is made in America this time. Back to Vader for the hard clothesline and a slam, followed by a top rope elbow from Owen. That gets two so Owen cranks back on both of Jake’s arms for a bit. Bulldog comes in but the powerslam only gets two as well. It was a clean kickout too which is pretty odd to see.

Vader comes in for a splash but THAT only gets two as well. The fans don’t seem all that interested in this though. Bulldog tries a splash of his own but Roberts rolls away to buy himself some time. The other hot tag brings in Yoko to face Vader with the latter being punched down in the corner. Yoko cleans house on all three villains and crushes Bulldog with a belly to belly. The DDT hits Owen but Jake has to take out an interfering Cornette. Jake loads up the DDT on Cornette but Vader runs him over and the Vader Bomb is finally enough to pin Roberts.

Rating: C. Nice tag match here but the crowd doesn’t seem interested in the show so far. Hopefully they’re just saving it up for the main event which is the only match that matters on the entire show. Johnson looked good and would get pushed to the Intercontinental Title soon after this. The other guys all looked like themselves.

We recap Piper vs. Goldust which was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor got in trouble for drugs. The idea is that Goldust is in lust with Piper but the REAL MAN Piper will have none of this gay stuff. The result is a Hollywood Backlot Brawl which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

This was taped earlier in the day. Goldust shows up in a gold Cadillac while Piper has a ball bat in hands. Naturally he puts that down and sprays the car with a fire hose. When the power of WATER doesn’t stop a large car, Roddy breaks through the windows with the bat. Piper beats up Goldust with the bat and some stiff looking shots with fists and various metal objects.

Goldust gets sprayed with the hose and rammed into the hood of the car. There’s a knee drop from Piper which mainly hits car followed by a LOUD punch. A low blow stops Piper so Goldie gets in the car and runs over a stuntman in a Piper costume. Goldust drives away so Piper steals a white Ford Bronco and we get a car chase which we’ll return to later. I’ll save the rating for the end of part two later on.

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Austin debuted late last year and is the Million Dollar Champion at this point. Savio was Austin’s first feud in the WWF, which says a lot about how far Stone Cold would jump up the card in just a year. Savio says he’s ready. Vega pounds away to start and they brawl to the floor. Back in and Austin gets in a shot to the face before sending Savio’s shoulder into the post. This is back when Austin could MOVE as he didn’t have a bad neck so the offense is very different. He’s also ripped with well defined abs.

Austin cranks on the arm but Savio backflips out and hits a superkick for two. Roddy calls in and says he’s not letting it end this way. Savio goes shoulder first into the post again and we lose Piper. What a shame. We hit the armbar as Austin is in full control. There’s a hammerlock slam as Piper is back on the phone and talking about beating Goldust up in Tijuana. Vega comes back with a fast cross body for two but Austin comes back with the Thesz Press which doesn’t mean anything for him yet.

We go split screen to show “Piper” chasing Goldust in the Cadillac. This is from the air because clearly a helicopter is available in 10 minutes’ notice. This is supposed to be a parody of the O.J. Simpson car chase, which was only two years earlier. Austin goes up top (I told you he was different) but jumps into a boot. There’s a clothesline to put Austin down but a spinwheel kick hits the referee by mistake. DiBiase slides in the Million Dollar Belt and Vega is KO’d. Another shot to the back of the head and a chinlock of all things are enough for Austin to get the win.

Rating: C+. Bad Piper references aside, this was pretty solid stuff. Austin was AWESOME back in the day before he had to basically invent the brawling style that he made famous. Vega wasn’t much out there, but at least he was good enough to make Austin look solid. This was a fun match, but again no one cared because the main event and one other match are all that matter.

More car chase stuff. Vince: “This footage looks awfully familiar.”

We recap the Undertaker’s mind games with Diesel lately that set up the other big match tonight. Diesel says Undertaker is a big obstacle but he doesn’t sweat the big things.

More car chase stuff.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

HHH debuts Sable as his latest good looking valet. This is Warrior’s latest return and the story was he might weigh 400lbs and be bald. Warrior of course is fine and the fans go nuts for him. Warrior’s entrance is far longer than the match. HHH jumps Warrior before he takes his coat off and and actually hits the Pedigree. That goes nowhere though as Warrior is on his feet at the same time HHH is. Clotheslines, shoulder blocks, press slam and splash mean we’re done. The match didn’t even last two minutes.

We go to the back and meet the debuting Marc Mero. He talks about being glad to be here when HHH comes up (with Mero’s real life wife Sable) and a brawl erupts.

Piper is on his way back to the arena.

Diesel vs. Undetaker

So Diesel cost Undertaker a title match so Undertaker pulled Diesel through the ring during a cage match for the title against Bret. Then Taker did his usual mind games against Diesel, setting up this battle of the titans. Diesel jumps him to start and the brawl is on fast. Taker clotheslines him down but misses an elbow drop. They fight to the floor with Diesel going face first into the steps. This is fast paced stuff so far.

Back in and Diesel avoids Old School, only to get stunned on the top rope. We head back to the floor where Undertaker’s chair shot hits the post instead of Diesel. Diesel rams him back first into the post and then does it again for good measure. Back in again and Diesel slows things up by punching Taker in the face a few times. Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince) hits and there’s the running crotch attack in 619 position to Undertaker.

The Dead Man starts slugging back and they both hit big boots to put each other down. Taker sits up first but Diesel hits him in the back to get control again. Off to the bear hug that you knew was coming sooner or later. Taker finally fights out of it and things slow down again. Notice that the fans are into this one, unlike anything in the first hour of the show. Taker hits a clothesline off the top for a somewhat delayed two count.

Out of nowhere Diesel hits the Jackknife but he can’t follow up. Actually he can but he would rather stand around and brag for awhile. Taker sits up so there’s another Jackknife for good measure. Diesel takes forever to cover though and Taker grabs him by the throat. They get to their feet and it looks to be chokeslam time, only for Diesel to break it up with a belly to back suplex. Taker sits up again and there’s the running clothesline. A pretty bad chokeslam puts Diesel down and the Tombstone makes Undertaker 5-0.

Rating: B-. For what it was, this was pretty solid stuff. Undertaker looked better than he usually does and it was really in doubt if he could hang with someone that had just come off a year long world title reign. This was probably the turning point for the Dead Man from monster of the week slayer to big time threat to anyone. He would soon be tested by a debuting Mankind, which would change his career forever.

Goldie and Piper get back to the arena so let’s get this over with. Goldust is back first and is exhausted from the driving. He and Piper stumble into the arena so I guess the “match” has been going on for an hour now.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Note that the Hollywood Backlot Brawl is now a wrestling match in a ring in Anaheim. There’s no referee or anything so they’re just going to fight until it ends. Goldust pounds away and hits some shots to Piper’s leg followed by a low blow. There goes Piper’s shirt as you would expect it to. Goldust mounds him and starts pounding away but an attempt at kissing Piper makes the Hot Scot fire back.

Goldie goes up top but gets crotched down again. From his seat on the top rope though, he grabs Piper and kisses him, sending Piper into a frenzy. The fight is on and Piper, the apparent homophobe, grabs Goldust by the crotch. Goldust gets his own clothes ripped off and Piper kisses him. Well sure why not. Anyway Goldust is wearing either women’s lingerie or some kind of S&M stuff so he bails, giving this to Piper.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling so no rating, but I think you can figure out what I thought of it. Goldust, who was Intercontinental Champion at this point, would feud with various midcarders before getting beaten up by Ahmed Johnson for awhile. Piper would be gone like the next day and in WCW in six months.

We recap Michaels vs. Hart which is about two different paths to get to the top of the world. The question is about who is the best, so we’re going to find out in the hour long Iron Man Match.

Shawn says this is about getting to the top of the mountain.

Bret says everything has come to this point and he wants to wake up the next day with the belt.

Gorilla Monsoon is officially in charge again, taking over from Piper.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

In the famous opening, Shawn’s manager/trainer Jose Lothario comes to the ring alone. He gets on the bottom rope and points to the rafters where a spotlight shines. It’s Shawn, dancing atop the rafters and ziplining down into the crowd. The shot from behind him with the flashbulbs going off was one of the most shown visuals in company history for a long time. Bret just walks to the ring because he’s a bit more laid back. Of course this is an Iron Man Match lasting one hour, most falls in that amount of time wins.

Earl Hebner is the referee because there’s no one else that it could be. He reads the full rules to both guys which is pretty cool to hear actually. Vince says that whoever wins the first decision will win the match. It likely helps that he picked the winner. Feeling out process to start with both guys being tentative to get into anything of note. Granted they’re also likely conserving energy.

Shawn easily escapes a pair of headlocks and they trade some more technical stuff. First bit of psychology: Bret blocks a third try at the same headlock counter that Shawn used both times earlier. We head to the mat with the champion in control via a headlock. Shawn fights up and we get a nice technical sequence resulting in Bret being right back in control with a headlock. Off to a front facelock as the announcers debate which man is stronger. That’s a good question actually.

Back to the headlock which is smart this early in a match like this. Shawn gets up again and fires off some armdrags before hooking an armbar. Freddie Blassie and Stu Hart are in the front row. They run the ropes a few times until Bret takes it back to the mat, only to be caught in a kind of abdominal stretch on the mat. They go into the corner and Shawn fires off some right hands, only to be sent into the other corner. Shawn is cool with that as he sends Bret to the floor with a headscissors. Fifty minutes left.

Back in and Shawn puts on an armbar but Bret throws him over the top. It’s Shawn though so he skins the cat and hooks the armbar again to put Bret down. Bret comes back with a shot to the ribs and a headbutt to the abdomen to take over. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Michaels escapes with a jawbreaker. There’s a Fujiwara Armbar on the champ but Bret nips up and catches Shawn in a kind of spinebuster.

The Sharpshooter doesn’t work though so he clotheslines Shawn to the floor. The fans aren’t sure what to think of that. Bret heads to the floor and gets sent into the post which makes him stagger into the timekeeper. We’ve got 45 minutes left as Shawn misses Sweet Chin Music on Bret, hitting the timekeeper by mistake and knocking him out cold. Back in and Bret hooks another chinlock as the timekeeper gets stretchered out.

As the chinlock goes on for almost three minutes we see the problem with this match: it doesn’t need to be an Iron Man Match. Yeah it’s kind of cool that it did went an hour but it would have been fine as a regular match that went like 45 minutes or something like that. The drama would have been better too and we wouldn’t have long rest holds like this. I can’t blame the wrestlers for resting like that as it’s not fair to ask them to go nuts for an hour, but it doesn’t make for the most interesting TV in the world.

Shawn finally gets up but can’t get an O’Connor Roll. Instead he hits a dropkick and grabs another armbar to take Bret down. Shawn cranks on the arm even harder with 40 minutes to go. Now we hit the hammerlock as the crowd is pretty silent. Back up and Shawn sends Bret’s shoulder into the post to give him the biggest advantage yet. There’s a shoulderbreaker to the champion followed by a double ax from the middle rope to the shoulder.

Bret starts firing off punches but Shawn comes back with a DDT on the arm. There’s a cross armbreaker but Shawn breaks it after one pull. Now it goes on full but Bret fights up and rakes his boot across Shawn’s face to break the hold. That’s rather heelish no? Back to the armbar but Hart counters into a kind of middle rope hot shot. Shawn fights back but misses a Stinger Splash in the corner, giving Bret his first advantage in a long time.

The bulldog puts Shawn down so Bret goes up top. That’s an odd sight for him and Shawn tries to slam him down, only to get pulled down to the mat by his hair. Bret hit the referee on the way down and we’re at halftime. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two but a backdrop attempt is countered into a piledriver which gets two for the champion. Bret goes up again but gets slammed down.

Michaels starts speeding things up with a standing hurricanrana but Bret hangs onto the ropes to avoid the superkick. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn but Hart bails to the floor to avoid the kick again. Instead Shawn goes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take the champ down. Back in and Shawn skins the cat, only to get caught in a small package for two. A Perfectplex gets two for Shawn and he hooks a sleeper. Hart gets his arm up on the second drop so Shawn rams him into the corner again.

Michaels charges at Bret but gets backdropped up and over the post and out to the floor in a great looking crash. Bret goes out to get him though which isn’t the brightest idea in the world. Back in and Bret works over Shawn’s injured back before dropping a leg for no cover. We’ve got twenty minutes left and Bret stomps away on the back. Shawn is flipped upside down in the corner and there’s a belly to back superplex for a close two.

We hit the camel clutch for a few minutes before Shawn fights up again. Hart tries a superplex but has to settle for punching a jumping Shawn in the ribs. Michaels gets whipped into the corner and it’s a Flair Flip to the floor where Shawn accidentally kicks Jose in the head. Out to the floor and Bret whips Shawn into the steps, knocking Jose down again. We head back inside with fifteen minutes to go.

A belly to belly suplex gets two for Bret so it’s time for a slugout. An O’Connor roll doesn’t work for Shawn as Bret kicks him out to the floor on the kickout. A suicide dive takes Shawn down again and we’ve got twelve minutes left. Back in again and Bret hits a German suplex for two. They slug it out but Shawn can’t hang with Bret at this point. Hart is too exhausted to follow up though so it’s back to the camel clutch.

Ten minutes to go now and the camel clutch eats up about two of that. It’s off to a regular chinlock with eight minutes to go and Shawn fights up. They clothesline each other down and more time is being burned up. A superplex puts Shawn down again but he STILL manages to block the Sharpshooter. Hart settles for a half crab as the punishment on the back continues. Shawn makes a rope but gets taken down by a backbreaker with five minutes to go.

Bret loads up his middle rope elbow but jumps into a boot to put both guys down again. A dropkick puts Bret in the corner as Shawn gets his nineteenth win according to Shawn. Four minutes to go now. There’s the flying forearm and the nip up (the camera misses it) as Shawn picks up the speed. A jumping back elbow puts Hart down and a top rope spinning ax handle gets two. The top rope elbow hits with two and a half minutes left. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb gets no cover with two minutes to go.

Shawn busts out a moonsault press for two as Bret is trying to hang on. Ninety seconds left and Shawn hits a middle rope rana for two more. Shawn slams him down and goes up top but he can’t follow up with a minute left. Shawn tries another rana but jumps into the Sharpshooter with thirty three seconds left in the match. The place is going NUTS but Shawn amazingly holds out until the time limit expires.

BUT WAIT!

As Bret leaves, Gorilla Monsoon orders the match to continue under sudden death rules. As Bret puts it: why? This was never agreed to and Bret is indeed getting screwed here. The bell rings and Bret is TICKED. He goes after Shawn’s back and hits a big backdrop. Bret whips Shawn into the corner, and in one of two moments that made me jump to my feet when I was watching it live, Shawn jumps over Bret out of the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music to put both guys down. Michaels gets up, tunes up the band, and kicks Bret’s head off for the pin and his first world title.

Rating: B. After an hour and five minutes of this match, there’s one word that can sum it up: LONG. That’s the problem here: it did not need to be an hour long and would have been much better suited as a regular one on one match. Either that or have a few falls in between, as having it be one very long glorified one on one match makes the stipulation seem pretty lame. The psychology is good though and it’s not a bad match by any means. It just could have had over 20 minutes cut out and you could have had the same match, and that’s not a good sign. Oh and what happened to Bret’s shoulder injury?

Bret, ever the mature one, storms off like a baby with the ability to walk as Shawn is awarded the title. Shawn has a very touching moment when he realizes he finally won the title and is very somber. Then he turns into Shawn and goes nuts celebrating which he deserves the right to do.

Overall Rating: C+. The show isn’t terrible but the main problem is that it’s almost a one match show. Now to be fair there’s a five match card (not counting the brawl) and two of the matches are quite good, but the problem is that this was basically a four man show. It’s certainly not terrible, but it feels incomplete due to one match being about half the show. Bret vs. Shawn is worth seeing, but make sure you have a remote in your hand.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

Redo: C

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

I guess it gets better over time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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If you’ve followed me over the years, you know I’m not incredibly fond of HHH. He’s done a lot of things over the years that drive both myself and several other fans insane but that’s not all there is to him at all. While also being an infuriating person at times, HHH is also one of the most talented and decorated names in wrestling history. Today we’re going to take a look at his career and the good and bad over the years and look at why people need to calm down about him. Let’s get to it.

 

HHH has been around the WWE for going on twenty years now and there has definitely been a lot of good and bad. First off let’s take a look at the bad in HHH, which will be the shorter of these lists.

 

One of the biggest criticism of HHH is a fair one: he’s not as good as he thinks he is. HHH has never been one to shy away from lumping himself in there with Rock and Austin, despite there being no real justification for this. Jim Cornette once called HHH the guy that worked with the guy that drew money. There’s no denying that HHH isn’t great, but he’s at the top of the second tier of wrestlers like Bret, Shawn, Orton and Savage. There’s nothing wrong with being on that level, but there’s a big gap between it and the next level.

 

Part of the reason why he isn’t on that level is how badly he collapses in attempts to have the big match or big story. Now HHH has had his share of classics which we’ll get to later, but far too often he tries to have THE match and it just doesn’t work. Let’s take a look at his match against Randy Orton from Wrestlemania 25.

 

The story coming into the match was Orton tormenting HHH and terrorizing his family to get the WWE Title. The match wound up having a stipulation saying that if HHH was disqualified, he lost the title. This went completely against the story they had been telling and took away what the match should have been. On top of that, the match ended with HHH just beating the tar out of Orton, hitting the Pedigree and retaining. He stood over Orton like a beast over its prey and the show ended. The general reaction seemed to be “that’s it?” There was no big comeback, there was no big brutal spot, there was no real conclusion. It was just HHH standing over him in a symbolic ending which just didn’t work.

 

Speaking of endings, another problem with HHH is his feuds go on WAY too long. We’ll start with Orton again. These two feuded for over a year and the matches just didn’t work. Orton may have been one of HHH’s projects but the whole thing just didn’t work. The matches weren’t very good, the story just kept going and was eventually going in circles. Over the course of the feud, they managed to have three last man standing matches. As you would expect, people got tired of the story just continuing, especially with the same stuff happening over and over again.

 

Another good example of this and the big epic moment problems came in his feud with Brock Lesnar. The feud started the night after Brock lost in a great match to John Cena at Extreme Rules 2012 in April. The two didn’t fight until Summerslam in August with Brock winning conclusively. How did the show end? With a shot of HHH looking to the crowd and apologizing for not being able to get it done.

 

The feud would continue at Wrestlemania, where HHH got the win before moving on to Extreme Rules 2013 where Brock won the final match inside of a cage. After three matches, the series felt like a bad movie series: the first match was good but not great, the second match wasn’t necessary but was watchable, and the third match just didn’t need to happen but did anyway. HHH getting the win at Wrestlemania was the only logical way to do the trilogy, but it also drew criticisms that HHH had to get the win on the biggest stage in the match the most people would remember.

 

This brings us to 2003 and Wrestlemania XIX. HHH came into the match as World Heavyweight Champion and defended against Booker T. The story was that “someone like Booker T” didn’t deserve to be champion. While the storyline explanation was that HHH meant Booker’s criminal past, there were heavy racial overtones to what HHH was saying. What happened at Wrestlemania? HHH won with a Pedigree to retain the title.

 

That scene is a great representation of the biggest thing holding HHH back: late 2002-2004. This was an AWFUL period for both HHH and the WWE in general with HHH’s title reigns being major factors. Ignoring the creation of the World Heavyweight Championship and the splitting of the titles, HHH had some of the worst matches of his career in this stretch.

 

His 3 Stages of Hell match with Shawn, the matches with Nash, the Goldberg series, the Scott Steiner feud and some of the Orton matches are just dreadful but HHH just kept the title for months on end with the same matches with the same story (“I’m the best.” “No I’m the best.” Flair interfered, HHH keeps the title) and nothing ever changing despite the talent pool on Raw. HHH would finally break out of this period, but man alive was it hard to sit through.

 

We’ll wrap it up with something else difficult to sit through: HHH’s promos. There are times when they’re very solid, but some of those things go on long enough to plant a farm and grow your own dinner. He takes about nine breaths between sentences and drones on about THIS BUSINESS, how he is THE GAME and how he’ll prove he’s the best in the world. Long heel promos can work, but you should want to see the villain get beaten up, not change the channel out of boredom.

 

Now that we’ve gotten all that bad stuff out of the way, let’s take a look at the good side of HHH’s career, because there’s a lot to get to. Since there’ s more good than bad, we’ll be going through it with more of a timeline format.

 

He arrived as the blue blood (basically the same gimmick he had in WCW when they said he had no future as a singles guy) named Hunter Hearst Helmsley and hooked up with Mr. Perfect before feuding with Marc Mero. The character can best be described as a pompous snob who looked down on everyone for not having as much money or power as he had. He was also obsessed with people’s family history and how much better his was than yours. In other words, he was obsessed with his pedigree. His theme music was Ode to Joy by Beethoven and it was the perfect addition to his character.

 

The character was absolutely perfect for HHH at that time as he could play a perfect snob. With the curtseying, the huge nose in the air, the classical music and the “I’m better than you” attitude, it was nearly impossible to not punch this guy in the face. He nailed the character and was slowly pushed up the card and won the Intercontinental Title, holding it for about four months.

 

Next up was DX which is the character that changed everything for HHH. All of a sudden he was being able to act like the sophomoric jerk that he was but on camera and with millions of people watching him. The group turned face after Wrestlemania XIV and was put into a feud with the Nation of Domination, triggering a personal rivalry with the Rock (who happened to be the man that took the Intercontinental Title from him).

 

HHH’s time as the face leader of DX was some very entertaining stuff and one of the biggest reasons the Attitude Era worked. Instead of just having clean cut faces and heels, all of a sudden the faces were making adult jokes and being over the top funny. Aside from Steve Austin vs. Vince, DX was the biggest deal in the company and HHH was a huge part of that.

 

By late 1999, DX was all but done and HHH was moving into singles competition. He started talking about it being his time and how he would be the next WWF Champion. While that wasn’t exactly right, he would be take the title from the next WWF Champion, winning the belt the night after Summerslam 1999.

 

This didn’t quite work as HHH was still viewed as a glorified midcarder. He would be champion a few times around this point, starting his third reign in January 2000 (remember that, as it becomes important later). However, the most important thing for him was his on screen marriage to Stephanie McMahon, who he kidnapped, married and raped before she turned on her father and joined HHH at Armageddon 1999.

 

The McMahon-Helmsley Faction was born through this union and would dominate the company for the next few months. This would be HHH’s first time as a brutal dictator who ran the company with an iron first. It would also be perfect for him as HHH became one of the best heel characters ever, with the fans absolutely dying to see him get what was coming to him. HHH became the Cerebral Assassin, a man who could fight but would rather out think his opponents to beat hem.

 

One of the most important moments during this time was his match against Cactus Jack at the 2000 Royal Rumble. We’ll go into that match more later, but the most important thing about the match was HHH’s evolution beyond the Cerebral Assassin. For once in his career he had no way to keep his title other than to stand up and fight, which he did in one of the best matches ever.

 

This run went on for awhile until HHH was revealed as the man behind Steve Austin being run over by a car. The two feuded for months until they fought in a 3 Stages of Hell match at No Way Out, which happened to be another of the best matches ever. The two would form a questionable bond a few months later until HHH tore his quad in another great match with Austin against Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho.

 

HHH would be gone for the rest of 2001 (luckily missing the Invasion) and returning in January 2002 with one of the loudest pops ever heard in Madison Square Garden. He later turned heel and attacked Shawn Michaels, leading to a nearly two year on again/off again feud. Not all of the matches were great, but the first one at Summerslam 2002 is as good of a fight as you’ll be able to find for a long time.

 

We’re going to jump forward to the end of Evolution as Batista wins the 2005 Royal Rumble and chooses to fight HHH at Wrestlemania XXI. After ruining Randy Orton’s face turn (more on that later as well), HHH put Batista over on three straight pay per views, including once inside the Cell. He then took some time off and returned to feud with Ric Flair, culminating in a great old school cage match at Taboo Tuesday 2005.

 

Next up was a DX reunion with Shawn Michaels and I’m really not sure if I should put it in with the good or the bad. The story dominated 2006 and saw HHH and Shawn torture Vince McMahon who fought back with his handpicked associated. The matches weren’t all that good but it was more harmless than anything else. This was followed by a feud with Rated RKO which was cut short as HHH tore his quad again.

 

After returning in 2007, HHH would win the WWE Title again that fall and enter a long feud with Randy Orton. Again we’ll skip that and get to Summerslam 2008, where HHH worked what can almost be described as a miracle: he got a good match out of Great Khali. Many have tried but he’s the only person to really pull it off. He followed it up with a very solid feud against Jeff Hardy, eventually being in the match where Hardy FINALLY won the title.

 

We’ll jump ahead to February of 2011 where HHH challenged Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania. The match was good but I never bought HHH as a real threat to the Streak. Their rematch a year later inside the Cell was FAR better though and was a contender for match of the year. Soon after HHH started a feud with Brock Lesnar, leading to a match at Summerslam 2011. Again it was good but not all that great.

 

Our last jump brings us to modern times with HHH and Stephanie as the Authority, the on-screen owners of the company. After months of going back and forth as a face or a heel, HHH would finally establish himself as a heel and set up his match with Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania XXX, which will take place about three weeks after this is being written. I can’t imagine it not being great though.

 

Now let’s take a look at the major good themes of HHH’s career.

 

First of all, HHH can play one heck of a villain. As I said, that run he had in 2000 as the WWF Champion when he feuded with the Rock is right up there with Hollywood Hogan in 1996/1997 and Ted DiBiase in 1988 as the greatest heel runs ever. There’s just something about HHH talking down to people that makes you want to see a hero get his teeth kicked in which is exactly what you want in a heel.

 

Think about this for a minute. HHH kidnapped a woman, forced her to marry him, then got her on his side and took over the company. If that isn’t evil, I don’t know what more you could be expecting. The key to it though was he got what was coming to him at the hands of both The Rock and Steve Austin who beat his teeth in over the second half of 2000. The same thing is likely to happen when he faces Bryan at Wrestlemania. I can’t imagine the match ending with anything other than Bryan taking HHH’s head off with a running knee or making him tap out.

 

Speaking of matches, I can barely count how many classics HHH has had. Let’s look at this for a second. There are the two street fights and the Cell match with Cactus Jack, almost any big match he had with Rock with the ladder match in particular, his wars with Steve Austin, the triple threats with Shawn and Benoit, the unsanctioned match with Shawn at Summerslam 2002, the miracle against Great Khali, his three Wrestlemania matches with Undertaker and some very solid stuff with Cena and Flair. I’m sure I’m missing a bunch but the reality is clear: the guy has been having great matches for over 15 years now. That just doesn’t happen in wrestling.

 

He’s also had a natural evolution to his character. HHH started off as a blue blood who thought he was better than everyone else before switching over to saying screw that, I want to have fun. However he eventually abandoned the goofiness and embraced the core of his character: a man obsessed with power who would do whatever it took to take over the company. Now he’s in charge of the company and is trying to be civilized but occasionally loses control and agrees to do something that gets him in trouble.

 

Before we wrap this up, let’s bust up a few myths about HHH.

 

Quite often you’ll hear people say that he became the star that he is because he married the boss’ daughter. Here’s the thing: by the time they started dating, allegedly in early 2000, HHH was a two time WWF Champion (he won his third title on January 3, 2000 so it was three reigns unless they started dating on the first two days of the year), a two time Intercontinental Champion and the King of the Ring. Marry Stephanie was definitely a boost, but HHH was going to be a big star no matter what.

 

Another story you hear about HHH is that he invented his own world title. I’ve heard multiple versions of this, with the main story being that the Intercontinental Title was to be the top title on Raw with HHH dominating that belt. Think about that for a second and you’ll see that it doesn’t make sense. At the end of the day, Raw is THE show for WWE and having a glorified midcard title as its centerpiece just wasn’t going to work. WWE making another title made sense and HHH just happened to be the guy that got it. To suggest that it was all his idea is illogical.

 

Next up is the theory that he pushed his buddies (Shawn, Sheamus, Batista etc) to the moon. Does anyone really want to argue that those three weren’t going to get pushed anyway? Sheamus gets some of the loudest pops on the show, Shawn is as talented a guy as you’ll ever hear, and Batista has been a big star every time WWE has used him. Yeah HHH pushed his buddies, and they’ll all turned out fine.

 

Sticking with the buddy thing for a minute, why is this something that HHH gets bashed for so much? It’s a common practice in wrestling to push your friends and HHH is really one of the weakest offenders. Ole Anderson nearly put WCW under by pushing his buddies in the early 90s. Hulk Hogan had BRUTUS BEEFCAKE in the main event of Starrcade. Back when Vince took over the WWF, how many of the people that got pushed were people who were loyal to him? There are multiple other instances but the point is clear: HHH isn’t the first guy with power to push his friends and he won’t be the last. It happens all the time and it’s been FAR worse over the years.

 

Let’s look at one last thing: HHH dominated the world title. If HHH gets blasted for this, he’s fourth worst at best. Since the time the titles were split, HHH has won eight world titles. This puts him fourth in that span after Edge with eleven, Randy Orton with twelve and John Cena with fourteen. Edge won eleven world titles in the span of just over five years, or over two titles a year. HHH might have held the belt longer than Orton and Edge, but HHH didn’t win and lose it as often for as many cheap title reigns. While they’re boring, I’d take one of HHH’s long reigns over five of Edge’s month long reigns any day.

 

Overall, the good outweighs the bad with HHH. There are just so many outstanding matches and segments (I could have gone on for several more pages breaking down his matches and why they’re as awesome as they are) that they overshadow the bad stuff. The problem is the bad stuff is REALLY bad with 2003 being one of the roughest years I can ever remember in wrestling. That run he had in 2000/2001 is as good a stretch as you’ll ever find in wrestling and his period where he was the veteran who was seeing how much he had left is quite a run as well. There’s just so much to rave about there and it’s unfair to criticize him as much as people (including myself) do.

 

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Off to Samoa for some Umaga.

Umaga got his start up in Pennsylvania as Ekmo in a tag team called the Island Boyz. They would receive a dark match against the Haas Brothers (Charlie and his brother Russ) on September 18, 2001.

Island Boyz vs. Haas Brothers

The Island Boyz are more famous as 3 Minute Warning. Ekmo (Umaga) throws Russ around for a bit before it’s off to Kimo for a double headbutt and two. Off to Charlie who runs into a clothesline who gets sat on while attempting a sunset flip. The Haas Brothers finally hit a double dropkick to take over on Kimo for a bit but Russ just stands around a lot. The referee misses a tag off to Ekmo, meaning the big monster Samoans are the faces here for some reason. Kimo comes back with a pretty bad looking double suplex and the tag brings in Ekmo to clean house. A side slam from Kimo sets up a top rope splash from Ekmo to pin Russ.

Rating: C-. Very basic tag team match here but the heel/face dymanic was a bit head scratching. The crowd popped for the finish which is more than you can ask for in a match like this. Neither team looked all that great and I can’t say I’m surprised that Russ never made it up to the top level.

The Island Boyz would get hired and brought up to the main roster about a year later as 3 Minute Warning, a pair of enforcers for Eric Bischoff. Their first PPV match was against Billy and Chuck at Unforgiven 2002. You need the recap for this one.

We recap 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck. This was one of those things that only happens in wrestling and soap operas. So Billy and Chuck were going to have a “commitment ceremony” (and yes it’s exactly what it sounds like) and the justice of the peace was really old. He started talking about how this could last and said it could be three minutes. He then changed his voice and pulled his face off, revealing that it was Bischoff in a prosthetic mask. The fat guys (Jamal and Rosey) beat up Billy and Chuck after that. Stephanie did the same on Raw and the match happened as a result.

 

Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning

 

Here they’re just Rosey and Jamal but the 3 minute idea was still around. Jamal is more famous as Umaga. The fight starts immediately and Rico kicks Chuck in the head to take over. Rosey vs. Chuck starts us off. Cole talks about all of the people that 3 Minute Warning has beaten up, calling them a who’s who of wrestling: Shawn Stasiak, D’Lo Brown, Mini-dust, lesbians, Mae Young and Moolah just to name a few. I’m not here any more. I’m over there. That blew me away.

 

This is the fat boys’ debut and the fans make gay chants at Rico. A middle rope moonsault misses Chuck and this isn’t an incredibly interesting match. Billy comes in and cleans house but then tries to ram the Samoans’ heads together. And people wonder why he gets made fun of. Anyway, Rosey goes up for a splash but Chuck saves….by throwing him off the top with the hopes that Billy isn’t there anymore I guess. Jamal cleans house and superkicks Chuck but walks into a Fameasser. Rico comes in for a distraction and a Samoan Drop ends Billy to set up HLA later.

 

Rating: D. Well this was uh…..pointless? Why did this need to happen on PPV again? The match wasn’t very good at all and was just here to set up an angle later on in the night, which I’m sure won’t have any shenanigans at all. Billy and Chuck would split very soon after this after losing in the first round of the Smackdown tag title tournament.

The pair would head over to Raw and face various teams, including Kane and Rob Van Dam on February 10, 2003.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Jamal (Umaga) slams Rob down to start but Rob takes out the legs and gets two off the standing moonsault. Rob goes up top but gets shoved face first into the barricade, allowing Rico to get in a cheap shot on the floor. Back in and it’s off to Rosey for a splash for two. The match keeps going slowly as Jamal comes back in, only to have Rob backflip out of a belly to back suplex.

A clothesline puts Van Dam back down for two but he ducks another clothesline which takes Rosey down by mistake. Kane gets the hot tag to clean house with all of his usual stuff. Rosey breaks up a chokeslam attempt on Jamal so Kane kicks both of them in the face. Rob comes in as well for his usual stuff and Rolling Thunder gets two on Jamal. Everything breaks down and it’s a chokeslam and Five Star to Jamal for the pin.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches where you can only say it existed. There’s just nothing else going on in this match and it showed badly. I have no idea who thought splitting up the tag titles in 2002 was a good idea but it was clear by this point that there was no way to support them. Hence why they went on for about five more years of course.

Umaga would be released in June, allegedly due to being in a bar fight. He would head over to TNA in a tag team with Sonni Siaki. That went nowhere so it was off to Japan for a bit before coming back to TNA in 2004, where he would be brought in to try and beat up Alex Shelley on August 11, 2004.

Alex Shelley vs. Ekmo

Ekmo runs over Shelley to start as Tenay tries to explain the Samoan family tree. A suplex puts Alex down and the running hip attack in the corner crushes his face. The managers (the reason for the story) chase each other to the back and when we cut back, Ekmo is down. I can’t stand stuff like that. Shelley cranks on the leg but Ekmo comes back with a spinebuster.

Shelley’s manager Goldilocks tries to come in but Desire (brought in Ekmo) comes back in for a catfight. Ekmo hits a top rope splash but the referee is with the girls. Shelley’s old partner Abyss comes in with two chair shots and a Black Hole Slam to Ekmo, giving Alex’s unconscious body the pin.

Rating: D+. This was all backstory but that doesn’t make it any easier to sit through. The match was short and Desire wasn’t bad looking though, so at least there was something to keep me from getting bored. This would be a one off appearance for Ekmo but it could have been far worse.

After another year in Japan it was back to WWE as Umaga, and old school Samoan monster. His first major match was against Ric Flair at Backlash 2006.

Umaga vs. Ric Flair

Umaga debuted less than a month before this so this is his first real match. When you need a new kid tested, call in Naitch. Flair jumps him in the aisle and that goes badly for him. We go into the ring for the bell and Flair gets pounded into the corner. Flair pokes him in the eye and hits him low a few times, only to get chopped right back down.

The running corner attack (NOT FROM RIKISHI YOU NXT ANNOUNCERS) misses and we go to the floor. Umaga misses a charge and hits the post and it’s time to go after the leg. The Figure Four is broken up and Flair is put in the Tree of Woe for a headbutt. The running hip attack sets up another headbutt which sets up the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was a total squash for Umaga but the idea here was perfect: Flair made Umaga look like a monster here which is exactly the point of something like this. Umaga would be a destruction machine, not losing until January when Cena finally put him down with a rollup of all things. This was a textbook example of how to put someone over using a legend.

Umaga would destroy everyone in his path for the rest of the year, including this match against Shawn Michaels on Raw from July 31, 2006.

Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga

The idea here is that no one can stop Umaga so Shawn is brought in to give him a real test while also tying in with the DX vs. Vince feud. Umaga also has Armando Alejandro Estrada as his manager. Shawn chops away to start and hammers away in the corner before hitting a low dropkick. Umaga misses a clothesline and Shawn bails outside as Vince and Shane come out.

We take a break and come back with Umaga uppercutting Shawn down. A kick to the face sends Shawn to the floor as the announcers talk about HHH being taken away for having Cuban cigars. Back in and Umaga hammers away on Shawn even more but Shawn won’t quit. We hit the neck crank on Shawn but he avoids the running hip attack in the corner.

Michaels comes back with chops and the forearm to put Umaga down but Estrada blocks the nipup. Umaga runs over Estrada by mistake but catches Shawn in the Samoan drop. The Samoan freaks out and loads up the announce table but Shawn avoids the Samoan Spike and goes low. The top rope elbow connects but Vince grabs the leg before Chin Music. Shawn takes the forearm but Umaga takes Shawn’s head off with the Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a basic Shawn fights a monster match but it worked well enough. The interference made sense and helped advance the feud so it’s about all you can ask for. Umaga was getting some traction around this time and this was the kind of big win that he needed to put him a bit higher.

This roll would eventually earn Umaga a WWE Title shot against John Cena at New Year’s Revolution 2007.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

The big match introductions never get old to me. This is during Cena’s year long reign that made him so freaking hated. Umaga is just destroying him early on so cue up the Superman music for later. Cena has had maybe two moves in ten minutes. This is domination. Take out the Superman music and give us the Zeke Jackson music.

Cena hits the Throwback but he apparently hasn’t read up on his stereotypes as a shot to the head won’t hurt him at all. Ross references Yokozuna with Umaga, which is a bit much for my taste. The FU doesn’t work either. More or less the fatness of Umaga is too much. And it’s nerve hold time. That gave me a funny image of Samoans in a medical school learning how to do those holds. That’s rather amusing.

After the hold though he RAPS UP and starts his ending sequence, only to not be able to get the FU. Umaga goes for the running hip shot but Cena gets his feet into the chest and rolls Umaga up for the pin. I’ll give them that one: that was a lot more realistic than just getting the FU for the pin, and they kept Umaga looking strong.

Rating: B. Not bad at all here as this was in essence a throwaway show and a token title defense for Cena, although in the end it wound up paying off. That’s always a good sign as this wasn’t a terrible match at all and was actually pretty entertaining. They kept both guys looking strong which set them up for last man standing the following month.

As mentioned, the rematch was a last man standing match at Royal Rumble 2007. Cena has bad ribs coming in.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Cena is defending and this is last man standing. Cena pounds away to start but Umaga barely moves. Umaga gets in a shot to the ribs and Cena falls to the outside, clutching his ribs. The champ gets sent into the steps and it’s all Umaga in the early going. They slug it out in the aisle and all of a sudden Cena’s punches work better. He tries to ram Umaga face first into the apron but Umaga screams and hits Cena in the ribs again.

Back in and Cena is in even more trouble with Umaga pounding on the ribs. A clothesline puts Cena down and Umaga brings in the steps. Cena knocks him off the apron though and throws the steps down onto Umaga’s (hands covering) head. It looked a lot better when Kane did it because you couldn’t see the hands but whatever. That draws a six count but more importantly it allows Cena to get a breather.

Umaga superkicks Cena down and it’s off to a bearhug. Since there are no submissions, Umaga lets Cena go and brings in some more steps. The steps are set up in the corner but Cena avoids the running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA AND NOT RIKISHI!!! SCREW YOU WWE ANNOUNCERS!!!) and blasts Umaga in the head with the steps. That only gets seven so Cena goes up and jumps into a spinning Rock Bottom, drawing some loud screams from the champ.

The Samoan cannonballs down onto Cena’s ribs but Cena finally knees him in the crotch to slow Umaga down. The Protobomb sends Umaga onto the steps but only gets about five as Cena hits the Shuffle to break the count. Cena tries the FU but Umaga’s weight causes Cena to fall face first into the steps. John is busted open so the fans tell him that he sucks. Ignore the fact that almost no one else could get a match this good out of Umaga I guess.

Cena gets up at eight and gets punched in the face some more, only to start Hulking Up. He pounds away on Umaga but walks into a Samoan Drop, driving the ribs and Cena’s shoulder into the mat. The Samoan Spike is blocked (for the life of me I do not get why they picked a thumb to the neck for Umaga’s finisher. The guy is a MONSTER and he pokes you in the neck?) so Umaga headbutts Cena down instead.

Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe but Cena sits up in the corner to avoid a running headbutt. The top rope Fameasser takes Umaga down and Cena sends him shoulder first into the post. They head to the floor and Cena is covered in blood. With Umaga still laying over the ropes, Cena BLASTS HIM with a monitor to the head to put him down. Back to the floor but Umaga catches a diving Cena and drives him back first into the post.

Umaga puts Cena on the announce table and runs along the other tables, only to miss a splash and crash onto the ground. That gets nine and Cena has no idea what to do next. Estrada, Umaga’s manager, unhooks the top rope and tells Umaga to use the metal pole to blast Cena in the head. Cena catches a charging Umaga with the FU and hits him in the head with the pole. He hooks a kind of STF with the ring rope and Umaga is passing out. Umaga starts fighting up so Cena chokes him even more. FINALLY Umaga is out and Cena retains the title.

Rating: B+. This was a FIGHT which is what a last man standing match is supposed to do. I was digging the story they were telling here with Cena fighting a savage but having to become a savage himself to beat him. The fans didn’t like him at this point, but screw them as would you really rather have Umaga as champion? This was one of many awesome matches Cena had in this stretch, but OH NO kids like him so he must suck right? Give me a break.

Umaga would pick up the Intercontinental Title a few weeks later before being entered into the real main event of Wrestlemania 23, as Vince’s handpicked monster against Donald Trump’s handpicked man in Bobby Lashley. I’ll throw in the backstory again.

We recap the real main event for tonight’s show and the reason why this show was the highest drawing show ever for the next five years. Vince and Donald Trump both agreed to back a guy into a match and the losing billionaire would get their head shaved. This was when Trump was still a big deal and EVERYONE was backing Umaga because they wanted to see Trump bald. Oh except for Rock who actually cut a promo about wanting to see Vince bald.

Trump picked the ECW World Champion Bobby Lashley. Steve Austin was brought in to referee because this is Wrestlemania. The best part of the build was Lashley in a cage with Umaga on the floor. To escape, Lashley shoulder blocked the cage wall, knocking it down to the floor and nearly crushing Umaga in the process.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

The barber’s chair gets its own entrance complete with some snappy music. Oh and Umaga is IC Champion. Trump coming out to a song with the only word being MONEY is perfect. Real money rains down from the ceiling, including $100 bills. To be fair this show brought in like 50 million dollars in PPV alone so they can afford a bit. They collide to start and slug it out with Lashley pounding him into the corner. Austin pulls Lashley off of Umaga since they’re in the ropes and Umaga gets in some shots of him own. Lashley goes up to the middle rope for a shoulder for two.

Umaga’s manager Armando Estrada is dragged in by Lashley and powerslammed down with ease. Lashley throws him out to the floor and low bridges Umaga to send him to the floor as well. Back in and Lashley misses a spear, sending him out to the floor this time. We head inside again and Umaga chokes away, only to be pulled off at four and a half by Austin. Austin has to do it again, this time by the hair for good measure.

A BIG clothesline puts Lashley down again and Umaga cannonballs down onto his chest for good measure. The Samoan drop puts Lashley down again as does a failed slam attempt. Vince gets up on the apron and gets dropped down by an elbow from Lashley, only to walk into a shot from Umaga to take over again. Umaga goes up and gets slammed down before being clotheslined down. Both guys down and Austin gets to nine before stopping so it doesn’t end in a draw.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on Vince as Umaga hits an uppercut to drop Lashley again. Austin has to pull Umaga out of the corner, earning him a Samoan Spike. Shane comes in and pounds away on Lashley until Umaga is back into things. The running hip attack crushes Bobby’s face and Vince throws in some trashcans. Shane hits the Coast to Coast to drive the can into Lashley’s face. A top rope splash from Umaga crushes Lashley and Shane has a referee’s shirt on now.

Austin breaks up the pin and beats up Shane for good measure, only to walk into another Samoan Spike. Trump isn’t sure what to do and shows off those great acting skills of his. Vince comes over to taunt him and TRUMP CLOTHESLINES VINCE! Umaga tries another Spike on Austin but gets countered into the Stunner. The spear from Lashley connects and it’s time for Vince to be bald.

Rating: D. This match sucked for the most part until Austin got going. The problem at the end of the day was no one on the planet with any idea what was going on here thought Vince was going to win. It also didn’t help that no one cared about Lashley because no one had ever given us a reason to. He was just kind of there for the most part and there was nothing more to him than he used to be a college wrestler and he’s muscular. Seriously, that’s Lashley’s story almost in full.

Umaga would lose the title to Santino Marella but got it back soon enough to defend against Jeff Hardy at Great American Bash 2007.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Jeff is challenging and that Candace scene was in place of a recap. Umaga immediately takes him down and they go to the floor. Jeff fights back but walks into a Samoan Drop which must be like learning to walk at the Samoan wrestling school. Umaga pounds him down and hooks a nerve hold. Jeff looks more like he’s coming down off a really bad trip. Must be a Sunday. And now it’s back to the nerve hold for a VERY long time.

Jeff gets up and tries a slam but guess how well that goes. Umaga crashes down onto Jeff’s chest and then does it again. This has been a squash so far. A middle rope headbutt misses and both of them are down. Out to the floor and there’s a plancha, thankfully by Jeff so that the plate tectonics don’t shift. A dropkick gets two for Jeff. The running hip bump in the corner misses and Jeff hooks a Twist of Fate for two.

The fans are way into this too which is always a good sign. Umaga charges and hits the ring post. There’s a Swanton but Umaga BARELY kicks out. That seems to wake Umaga up though so he throws Jeff around like a skinny man that owes him drug money. The corner hip shot and the Samoan Spike kill Jeff deader than an overdose on every drug known to man and we’re done.

Rating: C+. This was one of the opening steps in the process of Jeff’s rise to the world title a year and a half later. He would show signs of hammering away on Umaga but then he would come up short. Jeff would continue to rise up and get closer and closer to the big wins, even getting the Rumble title shot in January, before FINALLY winning the title in 18 months. Yes Virginia, there used to be world title pushes that lasted longer than two months.

Umaga would begin to feud with HHH, who happened to win the World Title in the opening match of No Mercy 2007. Umaga had a match against HHH that night so it was made into a title match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH gets to use King of Kings now that he’s champion. Umaga takes him down immediately so HHH fires back with a DDT. Thankfully Umaga remembers his racial stereotypes and no sells it. HHH low bridges him and we go to the floor. Umaga gets rammed into the steps and yells at HHH for it. My goodness it’s nice to see a Samoan monster that knows how to take a beating to the head.

Back in Umaga pounds him down but misses a middle rope headbutt. For some reason that slows him down but the Facebuster has no effect. Pedigree is countered but the spinebuster works just fine. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a Samoan Drop and the Game has bad ribs. Out to the floor and HHH goes into the barricade. Back in for a bearhug as the champ is in trouble.

Umaga shifts up into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. The headbutt (this time not of the ropes) hits the bad ribs and is followed by a knee. Umaga pounds on the head of the Game and has him down in the corner. The running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA! NOT FREAKING RIKISHI YOU STUPID NXT PEOPLE!) misses, Umaga gets launched into the post and HHH hits a quick Pedigree to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much here as it felt like a Raw main event instead of a PPV title match. Then again this is only the second PPV title match out of four tonight so it’s ok if there’s a match with only about six and a half minutes. It’s nothing that great but it was good to allow HHH to look good. You know, like in a real title reign at a smaller PPV instead of in the third match of the night, but whatever.

Since he was out of the title picture, Umaga would be Rated RKO’s partner against Evolution on the Raw 15^th Anniversary special.

Rated RKO/Umaga vs. Evolution

JR calls this the ultimate tag team explosion. Not quite but whatever. Joined in progress after a break with Flair coming in to face the freshly in Edge. Flair is in the whole “lose and you’re fired” period, but they’ve amended it to say that it’s only a singles loss that counts. Off to Umaga for a nerve hold and it’s Orton in again. Flair avoids a dropkick and there’s a tag to Batista. Everything breaks down and Edge takes a Bossman Slam. HHH and Batista hit stereo spinebusters on Rated RKO. Umaga comes in and shoves the referee for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This was nothing of note but it wasn’t supposed to be. The wrestling here isn’t the point and it would be a mistake to treat it as one. This was about a quick Evolution reunion when most of them were still popular so it’s hard to complain about it. It’s not like 2003 where they were ALL you saw on Raw.

Umaga wouldn’t do much for the first half of 2008 other than having a horrible match for brand supremacy at Wrestlemania XXIV against Batista. He would however have a match against Jeff Hardy at One Night Stand 2008.

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Falls count anywhere. Jeff is in his whole chasing the brass ring phase here as he would be for most of 2008. Hardy charges straight at him….and down he goes. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two. It’s as fast as it sounds. Jeff jumps into a spinning release Rock Bottom (called a Black Hole Slam by JR) but is fine a few seconds later, hitting a plancha to the floor for two.

Into the crowd we go as Umaga sends Jeff flying to various places. Jeff finds a weapon in the form of a hollow traffic barrel which he chucks at Umaga’s head. Thankfully Umaga has studied his stereotypes and kicks Jeff in the face for two. Good boy. Umaga misses a charge into an anvil case and Jeff finds a fire extinguisher….which he can’t get to work. Finally he gets a shot off and Youmanga is staggered.

They’re in the back now and head into a stairwell where Jeff slides down the railing like you would see a little kid do, ramming into Umaga for two. To be fair that’s something that actually was logical so I can’t fault him there. Out into the concourse with Umaga getting two after throwing Jeff into a garbage can. They go outside and it’s all Samoan fat man. Jeff is rammed into a backhoe or something like that for two.

Basically the idea here is Hardy gets thrown into random objects before he can find something to jump off. They fight up to the production truck and Hardy hammers away which actually works to an extent. It’s kind of weird seeing a blue sky like that behind them. They climb a truck with Shawn’s face on it and Jeff kicks him off before hitting a huge Swanton onto an unseen Umaga for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a hardcore match here which was designed to set up the big spot at the end and give Hardy a win. Nothing wrong with that but there was nothing particularly great here at all. Umaga was a guy that you can only do so much with and Jeff wasn’t the kind of guy that could do something like that, which isn’t his fault. Not bad, but nothing great at all.

After being out a few months with a knee injury, Umaga would return in early 2009 before entering into a quick feud with CM Punk. From Extreme Rules 2009.

CM Punk vs. Umaga

This was a fairly weak mini feud that saw Umaga just destroy Punk at every time. Punk has MITB here and has been trying to cash it in for awhile but Umaga keeps stopping him. Oh and this is a Samoan Strap Match. Why do I not picture a lot of straps in Samoa? They’ll be tied at the wrist here and I think you win by pinfall or submission. There was never any real justification for Umaga to beat the tar out of Punk like he did but whatever.

I guess you could go with he’s a savage. I guess this is the four corner style. Dang it. There is however a helpful graphic in the corner saying how many you have in a row with Punk in green and Umaga in red. Still though I’ve never gotten a clear definition of what in succession means. I know what succession means but often times they just seemingly go with what fits best for the rules at the time. Umaga works on Punk’s arm as this match is just kind of odd.

Not sure why it is but it comes off as most odd to me. With Punk on the floor Umaga gets two buckles but instead of getting the third he goes for Punk. I didn’t know Samoans were such idiots. Aww Punk went for the GTS. That’s so cute. Grisham says Punk was undaunted. What does it mean to be daunted?

I’ve never heard of anyone being daunted but just undaunted. Fans are very behind Punk. Punk gets three but charges at Umaga instead and gets drilled. Well he deserves it for being stupid. Umaga gets three but Punk gets him to charge at him like a bull and Umaga goes to the floor. This is getting fairly repetitive.

Umaga gets pulled off the top and crashes to the mat. Punk gets three and with Umaga pulling away from him, for no explained reason at all, Umaga charges at him and gets caught in GTS so Punk can win. Ending was just stupid looking on Umaga’s part.

Rating: D. These matches were never very good and this is no exception. Also, there were far too many stupid moments here, mainly the ending. I love Punk, but this was just an incredibly pointless feud and thankfully this is the last one between them. Keep an eye on Punk though. He’s going places.

Umaga would be released in the fall before passing away due to heart failure in December 2009. His career wasn’t all that long but he was a talented guy who was better than most Samoan monsters. I don’t think he would have ever been a long term champion or anything, but maybe a very short title reign could have worked. He would have worked better in the territory days though and that’s a problem with the modern system. Umaga was a talented guy though and had good matches if given the right opponent.

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NXT Arrival
Date: February 27, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, William Regal

It’s the biggest night in the history of NXT as we are LIVE, I believe for the first time in modern NXT. This is the first live wrestling airing on the WWE Network so it should be a good test of the technology. The main events are Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro in a rematch of the match of the year and Bo Dallas defending his NXT Championship against Adrian Neville in a ladder match. Also of note: this will be partially going head to head with Impact Wrestling tonight and going forward. Let’s get to it.

HHH opens us up to what sounds like the Natural Disasters’ old music.

We get a new intro with shots of a lot of the wrestlers, including helpful name graphics for new fans.

Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro

One fall to a finish in a rematch from the NXT match of the year in 2013. Sami has been fighting a knee injury lately. The video is holding up perfectly well so far and they’ve fancied the arena up a bit for the special show. Cesaro shoves Sami down a few times to start as the fans aren’t sure who they like better. Sami takes him down in a front facelock but Cesaro counters his hurricanrana attempt into the Swing, only to have Sami kick him away. Cesaro bails to the floor and gets caught by a nice flip dive. The fans think this is awesome.

Back in and Sami tries a high cross body but dives into a tilt-a-whirl slam for a close two count. They head outside again with Cesaro in full control and choking across the barricade. Cesaro takes him back inside so he can throw Sami outside again and ram him into the barricade. Into the ring again for a two count but Cesaro throws him outside one more time. Cesaro goes after the leg but gets pulled face first into the post for his troubles.

Sami goes outside and tries to dive through the ropes around the post (as in he starts on the floor, dives over two ropes in the corner and lands on the floor) like he did in the first match but dives into an uppercut instead. Now the leg is wrapped around the post and Cesaro stomps away in the corner before cranking on the knee even more. A knee drop to Sami’s bad knee gets two and Cesaro stalks Zayn to mess with his head.

Cesaro takes him down with a dragon screw leg whip and it’s off to another leg lock. We get a WE THE PEOPLE from Cesaro but the fans counter with an OLE chant. Another leg whip puts Sami down and he misses an enziguri, setting up a half crab from Cesaro. Sami finally gets the ropes and sends Cesaro outside, only to have his slingshot dive caught in another tilt-a-whirl slam on the ramp. Sami BARELY beats the count in at nine and grabs an exploder suplex to send Cesaro into the corner.

Sami grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb out of nowhere for two followed followed by a Koji Clutch of all things. Cesaro powers out of it and rolls around into an old Brock Lock (Cesaro bends the knee around his neck) but Zayn dives for the bottom rope. The Swing is countered into a rollup for two but Cesaro gets it on the second try. Only ten revolutions this time though and a running uppercut gets two but Sami reverses into a crucifix for two of his own.

A HARD double stomp gets two on Sami but he’s still able to block the suplex from the apron. He kicks Cesaro in the head with the good leg and sits him on the top rope, but Cesaro tries to counter the hurricanrana into a Riccola Bomb, only to have Sami counter THAT into the hurricanrana. The running kick in the corner gets a VERY close two on Cesaro and both guys are spent.

It’s Cesaro up first and he drops Sami with a stiff uppercut. A second one has Cesaro telling Sami to stay down as even Regal is calling this uncomfortable. There’s a THIRD uppercut and Sami looks dead. Sami somehow gets up and it turns into a slugout until Zayn grabs a suplex out of nowhere. He tries to get a running start but Cesaro stops him with a boot to the face.

The Neutralizer is countered into a hurricanrana for two and a sunset bomb gets the same. Swiss Death only gets one with Sami shooting up to scare Cesaro half to death. Cesaro goes BEAST MODE and takes Sami’s head off with a discus uppercut before a jumping Neutralizer is good for the pin at 23:38.

Rating: A. Good grief I’m exhausted already. This was a heck of a wrestling match with two guys beating the tar out of each other for the better part of half an hour. Cesaro winning makes the most sense due to how hard he’s been pushed on WWE recently, but it’s clear that Zayn is ready for the WWE. Granted he has been for about six months now. Great match and worth checking out if you want to see a fight that makes the people care.

Cesaro celebrates as Zayn remembers what planet he’s on. Sami looks up at him and Cesaro pulls him up for a hug and a big cheer from the crowd.

Video on Mojo Rawley. He doesn’t get hyped. He STAYS hyped.

CJ Parker vs. Mojo Rawley

Parker has recently turned heel, blaming everyone for not cheering him when he’s just trying to make the world a better place to live. Parker tries to use his speed against the much stronger Rawley but gets caught in a big backdrop for two. Mojo gets caught with some shots to the ribs and Parker puts on his mean face to stomp away in the corner. It’s amazing how the place just dies when Parker is out there. Rawley shrugs off a bunch of left hands in the corner and hits a splash, followed by a seated senton (Hyperdrive) for the pin at 3:27.

Rating: D+. This was a glorified squash and they couldn’t have picked a better person to take the loss. This was treated as a huge win for Rawley who has a lot of potential bu spends too much of his matches on defense. Parker just isn’t working but the heel turn is far beter for him. He’ll be better when he gets to cut some eco-friendly promos.

Video on Emma, who is very bubbly.

Video on Ascension, who have dominated the tag division for months now. They’re kind of like a goth Demolition.

NXT Tag Titles: Ascension vs. ???

There’s an open challenge from Ascension tonight and their opponents are…….TOO COOL??? That’s a rather bizarre choice to put it mildly. Viktor slaps Sexay down to start and doesn’t approve of the dancing. Off to Konor for a hard legdrop and even harder shoulder blocks. Viktor slams Sexay down and puts on a chinlock before driving in elbows. I think the fans say they want water and then gum. Sexay finally fights up and makes the hot tag to Scotty whose offense has very little effect. He gets the bulldog and loads up the Worm, only to have Viktor pop up and run him over. Fall of Man ends Scotty at 6:40.

Rating: D. This was WAY too long and Too Cool was the totally wrong choice for the challengers here. They’re a fun team who had a month long title reign FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. This is the problem with nostalgia: it’s fun to push every now and then, but when it’s pushed over teams that deserve the shots more, you’ve got a problem.

Video on Paige, who won the first NXT Womens Title last year but hasn’t been around in a long time. The idea is she’s the anti-Diva, meaning she dresses in black and is more about attitude than looks, even though she’s rather pretty.

Womens Title: Emma vs. Paige

Before the match though, here’s Stephanie McMahon because what would we do without her? The fans tell her that she’s still got it but she says she never lost it. I can’t argue that actually. She says this is the future and adds nothing at all for the most part. Emma has been #1 contender for SIX MONTHS but is just now getting her shot. That’s even worse when you consider Paige has been champion for about seven and a half months. Both girls are popular but they don’t like each other.

Paige gets right in her face but Emma takes her down and its a fight early. Emma gets kicked in the ribs but she reverses the Paige Turner into a backslide for two. They fight over a backslide but Paige counters a slingshot into a cradle for two. Paige slams her down and puts on a hard chinlock. Back up and Emma tries a rollup but gets taken into the corner for some hard elbows to the face.

Emma counters a kick and hooks the slingshot but Paige breaks up the Emma Lock. Paige heads to the apron and fires off knees to the chest, only to miss a charge in the corner. The Dilemma sets up the Emma Sandwich (running crossbody to a seated Paige in the corner) for two. Emma cranks on Paige’s arms with her feet in the champ’s back and Paige is in big trouble. Paige gets flipped down onto her face but avoids a charge in the corner.

Emma sends her face first into the buckle but has to fight out of a superplex. A sunset flip into a sitout bomb (fans: “BETTER THAN BATISTA!”) gets two on the champion and both girls are spent. Emma tells her to give up but gets slapped in the face, setting up the Paige Turner for a VERY close two. Paige is stunned but puts on something like an Edgecator (Scorpion Deathlock without stepping over) before grabbing a double chickenwing AT THE SAME TIME and lifting Emma up. There’s no way Emma is getting out of that so she taps at 12:55. SICK looking hold.

Rating: B-. I can’t get over that hold at the end. I also can’t get over Paige actually keeping the title here as she’s been the only champion and you would think they would give the belt to the new sweetheart on Raw. That being said, Paige looked AWESOME out there and will likely in WWE very soon.

They hug it out as well, even though Emma looks mad.

Video on Adrian Neville, talking about his love of adrenaline rushes.

Video on NXT.

Xavier Woods vs. Tyler Breeze

No match as Alexander Rusev runs in to massacre both guys. The video crashed but through refreshing I see Rusev holding Woods in the Accolade while Lana talks trash for him.

Video on Bo Dallas.

We recap Neville vs. Dallas. Bo has been champion for about seven months and only held the title from Neville through interference. Tonight it’s a ladder match for the big blowoff.

NXT Title: Bo Dallas vs. Adrian Neville

Remember it’s a ladder match so here’s Shawn Michaels to introduce the festivities. The fans chant ONE MORE MATCH and he says he hears that a lot. He’s happy being fat and out of shape though so it’s not likely. The fans chant H-B-Shizzle and Shawn wants that on a shirt. Fans: “YES! YES! YES!” Shawn says they’re throwing him off because he doesn’t have to do this that often. He has insight on ladder matches, and if you’d like to know it, you can go out and buy his Mr. Wrestlemania DVD because he’s got two kids to put through college. He says this is about stepping into greatness and we’re ready to go.

Bo immediately goes for the ladder but Neville makes a save and kicks him into the corner. A quick missile dropkick looks to set up the Red Arrow (corkscrew shooting star) but Bo rolls away before Adrian can jump. Bo grabs the arm and the girls scream before he ties Neville’s leg into the ropes. The champion goes for a ladder but Adrian hits a baseball slide to send the ladder into him. A nice plancha puts Dallas down and the ladder goes into the ring.

Bo keeps Adrian from getting inside and sends him spine first into the steps to take over. He loads up a ladder but Adrian ducks the shot and backdrops Dallas onto the ramp. Neville goes up the ladder but Bo throws another ladder at him to take Adrian down. Bo sets up the ladder over Neville but Adrian is able to push it up and kick Dallas down in a nice power display. Now it’s Bo shoving a ladder down to send Adrian crashing and both guys are in trouble.

They both try to pick up the same ladder but Bo drives it into Adrian’s ribs in the corner. Bo tries to catapult Neville into the ladder but Adrian escapes and takes him down with a tornado DDT. They ram heads and go down, but a ladder falls and hits Adrian square in the head in a SICK looking collision. Dallas hammers away in the corner but can’t bulldog Adrian down onto a ladder.

The champ gets sent into a ladder wedged in the corner and Neville kicks him in the face. He goes up for the Red Arrow but Dallas pops up and shoves Adrian down to the floor. Bo goes for the belt but Neville springboards over him in a Shelton Benjamin style move. The ladder goes down but they land on their feet with Bo buckle bombing him into a ladder. Adrian kicks a ladder back into Bo and slams him onto the same ladder, setting up the Red Arrow to crush Bo against the steel. Dallas rolls to the floor and Neville goes up to grab the title at 15:46.

Rating: B. It wasn’t a classic and there have been better ladder matches but my goodness this rocked. There was almost no doubt that the title was changing and Dallas’ way too long reign was ending at this show but it was hardly a bad way to get there. Neville doesn’t come off like a long term solution on top but he’s a good choice to win the belt on this huge show.

A long celebration ends the show with John Cena applauding from the crowd.

Overall Rating: A-. This is exaclty what this show needed to be with every big match delivering more than well enough. Apparently there were some stream issues for the main event but mine was working perfectly fine so maybe I was just lucky. The opener is an instant classic and the title win made it something historic so this worked all around. The crowd was having a blast and it was the fun kind of show that NXT can pull off like no other. Hopefully they don’t have WWE invading it every week and we can get back to normal. Great show either way and well worth checking out.

Results

Cesaro b. Sami Zayn – Neutralizer

Mojo Rawley b. CJ Parker – Hyperdrive

Ascension b. Too Cool – Fall of Man to Hotty

Paige b. Emma – Scorpion Cross Lock

Adrian Neville b. Bo Dallas – Neville pulled down the title

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We’ll go with an old veteran today who main evented Against All Odds 2005 on this date: Jeff Jarrett.

Jeff of course got his start in Memphis which is a hard place to find full matches from. One of the ideas of the 80s was to take all of the big wrestling companies aside from the main two and fight back against the WWF. Here’s one of Jeff’s first big matches from AWA SuperClash III.

WCCW Light Heavyweight Title: Eric Embry vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

WCCW vs. CWA here. Jarrett is also a rookie and from the CWA. He won the title recently before this to make the cross promotion thing seem legit. Embry would become a big deal in WCCW as a face after this and then in the USWA. He would book for awhile and liked to be sans clothing while he did so. They do some very fast paced stuff to start and Jeff’s Flair blonde hair is all over the place.

 

They trade a lot of counters and are moving insanely fast out there. Embry, the veteran, finally takes over a bit but walks into that gorgeous dropkick to give Jeff a breather. He’s sent to the floor though and is holding his arm. Eric works on his arm as Jeff is too young to really know how to carry a match at this point. Jeff goes up and hits a middle rope missile dropkick but lands on his shoulder and can’t cover. Jeff sets a world record for most sunset flips in a single match and thefinal one is reversed for the title for Embry. He would drop it to Foley in like two weeks.

 

Rating: C. Just a quick match here for a midcard title change to be on the show. Jarrett was so young here that it was unreal but he would get better. Embry would become the biggest face not named Von Erich for awhile and then would go on to the USWA which was the successor to the CWA. For a four minute match, this was fine.

The idea of course bombed and it was back to being a big guy in Memphis. Here’s a match against a pretty famous opponent from March 9, 1991.

Southern Heavyweight Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Austin

The title is vacant coming in. Austin takes over quickly and stomps him down into the corner. JC Ice has the referee and Jeff’s small package is missed. Austin hooks a chinlock which only lasts a few seconds. Jeff tries to speed things up but walks into a knee to the stomach. Austin rolls him up in the corner and puts his feet on the ropes for two. A foreign object shot gets the same. Jeff hooks a quick sunset flip and gets the title back.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match ever but it was only a few minutes long and neither guy was all that great yet. This was more about pushing the Monday matches forward because of the post match stuff. Not much to see here and Jeff has the title back that he never really lost in the first place.

It was off to the WWF in late 1993 and Jarrett became a country singer because that’s what people from Tennessee do. He wouldn’t do much in 1994 but got an Intercontinental Title shot at the 1995 Royal Rumble.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett is challenging and now has the Roadie with him. Razor starts with his usual assortment of punches and a fallaway slam to send Jeff to the floor. After a little toweling off on the floor, Jeff armdrags Razor down and struts. They trade arm holds until Razor gets taken to the mat where Jeff messes with his hair. Careful with the grease there Jeff. Razor gets annoyed and knocks Jeff to the floor for some more Memphis stalling.

Jeff gets back in and is immediately puts in an armbar where Razor can mess with Jarrett’s hair. Some dropkicks floor the champ and a clothesline gets two. Razor catches a boot coming and ducks the enziguri from Jeff, but Razor misses an elbow to keep Jarrett in control. We hit the chinlock followed by a sunset flip by Jeff for two. Another dropkick gets the same and Jarrett is getting frustrated.

Jarrett hooks a sleeper but Razor quickly counters. The counter doesn’t last long though as Jeff hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Ramon slides behind Jeff in the corner and crotches him on the post to a big pop. We get a messed up (not botched mind you) spot where Razor was going to try a bulldog off the middle rope but Jeff turns around and it had to be a clothesline. Eh no harm no foul. Jeff backdrops Razor to the floor, injuring the champ’s knee. Roadie clips him in the knee and Razor gets counted out.

We won’t get to the rating just yet. Post match Jeff calls Razor a coward for taking the easy way out like that and calls him back into the ring. Razor pulls a Marty McFly and takes the bait, giving us another match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Razor tries some quick rollups for two but Jeff goes right for the knee to take over. Jeff does his best Ric Flair imitation but as he goes for the third cannonball down onto the leg, Razor kicks him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, putting Razor in a lot of trouble. Razor escapes and starts his comeback with punches and the belly to back superplex but Jeff counters in mid air for two. Razor clotheslines him down and loads up the Edge, but the knee gives out and Jeff rolls him up for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. I always remember liking this match and it holds up pretty well. Memphis stalling isn’t for everyone but it’s a good way of drawing heel heat, which Jeff might as well have been an iceberg for otherwise. Razor was awesome at this point and had good chemistry with Jeff, so this worked pretty well all around. The ending was smart as it was Razor’s trademark ending for house shows, but he would usually win in about 30 seconds with the Razor’s Edge. Nice to see them switch things up here.

Jarrett would defend the title against Shawn Michaels at the second In Your House.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

Roadie gives Jeff a VERY long intro before we get to the match. The place goes nuts for Shawn who is at his peak before he won the world title here. Jeff poses on the ropes before the match but bails when Shawn grabs the belt to check out his looks. Back in and we have the first lockup after a minute, only to see Shawn punch Jeff into the corner for more stalling. Michaels lays on the top rope for a breather to tick the champion off even more.

 

Jarrett armdrags Shawn down and struts a bit before they run the ropes to speed things up, only for a right hand to drop Shawn to the floor. Jeff lays on the top as well in a nice mind game. Back in and they fight over a hiptoss before speeding things up again with Shawn hitting the hiptoss and clotheslining Jeff to the floor, only to skin the cat back inside. Jarrett teases walking out but slides back in at 9, only to head right back to the floor.

 

Jeff counts along with the referee but breaks the count at nine again. Shawn finally gets tired of waiting and heads out to the floor to bring Jarrett back in, only to dive into another right hand. Shawn holds the ropes to avoid a dropkick but has to knock Roadie to the floor. A charging Jarrett is thrown over the top onto Roadie, followed by a BIG dive off the top to take out both guys.

 

Back in and Shawn goes to the middle rope but Jeff dives to the mat to avoid a cross body. Shawn held on though and catches Jeff with a sunset flip for two, only to be backdropped over the top and out to the floor. This has been great stuff so far. Back in again and a gordbuster (front suplex with Shawn landing on his head) gets two for the champion and we hit the abdominal stretch. Roadie helps Jeff but finally gets caught, allowing Shawn to hiptoss his way to freedom.

 

Jarrett takes Shawn’s head off with a dropkick for two as Vince’s mic goes out, leaving Lawler alone on commentary. Roadie gets caught cheating again as Vince’s mic comes back on. Shawn is sent to the floor again but the referee won’t let Jeff dive on him, allowing Roadie to get in a clothesline off the apron. Michaels makes it back in at nine and immediately rolls through a high cross body for two. A Jarrett sunset flip is blocked for two but the counter is countered into the sunset flip for two more as this continues to be fast paced.

 

Off to a sleeper from the champion but Shawn fights up and suplexes his way out of it. Both guys are down but Shawn rolls over at nine and gets his arm on Jeff for two. Shawn is getting fired up and snaps off some right hands to take over. A backdrop puts Jeff down and a spinning ax handle off the top gets the same. The elbow drop gets the same for Shawn but he can’t put Jarrett away.

 

Shawn slips under a boot in the corner and crotches the champion against the post. Jeff grabs the referee, allowing Roadie to crotch Shawn o the top rope. There’s a superplex to Shawn but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for two. Now it’s time to go after Shawn’s leg but another Figure Four attempt is blocked, this one taking out the referee in the process. Shawn loads up Sweet Chin Music but Roadie takes out his knee. Jarrett gets two off another high cross body but Roadie trips the wrong guy, allowing Shawn to superkick Jeff’s head off for the pin and the title.

 

Rating: A. This is an excellent match with both guys knowing exactly how to build a match into a frenzy at the end. The chess match here was excellent as they were constantly upping the other one until one of Jarrett’s moves backfired and Shawn took the opening to get the superkick. Jarrett really doesn’t get the credit he deserves for his in ring work. It’s a very basic style but he’s a master at it.

Jarrett would head to Memphis for the rest of the year before returning in late 1995 and not doing much at all. He would head to WCW in late 1996 and try to join the Horsemen in a story that never quite worked. Jarrett would get a chance at Starrcade 1996 against Chris Benoit.

Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

This is a No DQ match as Jarrett wants to be a Horsemen but has to fight his way through some of the other Horsemen first. Jarrett was a guy from Tennessee who was good in the ring, good on the mic and very safe. In other words he had every tool you needed, but no one cared about him at all. It never clicked until he went back to the WWF and completely changed his character that he got over in WCW. Benoit has his future real life wife Woman with him here.

 

Benoit shoves him down with ease and says bring it on. They trade control on the mat until Jarrett slaps him in the face to make Benoit mad. Benoit takes his head off with an elbow to the face before slapping Jeff in the back of his head. Jeff comes back with right hands to take him down before walking over Benoit’s back for good measure. Benoit gets mad all over again and stomps Jeff down in the corner before holding up the Four Horsemen sign.

 

It turns into a brawl with the guys rolling around on the mat and brawling before heading to the floor. Chris takes over on the outside before heading back inside to catapult Jarrett into the buckle. Benoit loads up a superplex, only to be shoved off the top to give Jarrett control. Not that it matters much though as Chris comes right back with a clothesline to send Jarrett out to the floor again. Jarrett is rammed into the barricade a few times, only to come back by dropping Benoit ribs first onto the barricade.

 

Back inside again but Benoit pounds away on him even more and hooking a sleeper. Jeff is taken down to the floor, allowing Benoit to throw his feet on the ropes for additional language. That’s something a true Horseman would do, meaning Benoit is fitting in perfectly. Off to a chinlock now but Jeff comes back with a small package for two. Jarrett goes to the middle rope but jumps into Benoit’s boot for two. Jeff can’t get anything going for more than a few seconds here.

 

They get up again and Jeff goes nuts on Benoit, pounding on him in the corner and hitting a quick dropkick for two. Benoit is dropped on the top rope again but Woman breaks up the Figure Four. Cue Arn Anderson who walks by his Horseman mate to stand on the other side of the ring.

 

Benoit and Jarrett head back to the floor but here are Konnan and Hugh Morrus (members of the Dungeon of Doom, Kevin Sullivan’s team which is feuding with the Horsemen) to go after Woman. That’s fine with her as she kicks Morrus low while the guys in the match are on the floor. Kevin Sullivan comes in and breaks a wooden chair over Benoit’s head as Anderson DDTs Jeff on the floor. Arn doesn’t look and throws Jeff back in, right on top of Benoit for the pin.

 

Rating: C+. This was decent but Benoit losing didn’t do much for the show. To be fair though Jeff is a Tennessee mainstay so him winning is going to do more for the fans than anything else would. The Horsemen vs. the Dungeon of Doom would go on for months beyond what people cared to see.

The rest of 1997 saw Jarrett boring everyone in the wrestling world with a completely uninteresting story with the Horsemen that dragged the entire stable down. It was back to the WWF later in the year for an even less interesting story with the NWA stable. Thankfully it wouldn’t last long before he went back to the country singer gimmick which again went nowhere. The gimmick saw its last appearance at Summerslam 1998 in a hair vs. hair match with X-Pac.

Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac

Hair vs. Hair here and Jarrett has Southern Justice (the Godwinns) with him. They combined to cut Howard Finkel’s hair earlier tonight so he’s in Pac’s corner in case the ending wasn’t obvious yet. Commissioner Sgt. Slaughter throws Southern Justice out before we get going. In something I never thought I’d see, Fink does the crotch chop. Jeff jumps X-Pac from behind but a spinwheel kick and a clothesline puts Jarrett on the floor. A big dive takes him out again and the crowd is into X-Pac.

Back in and Jeff hits a pair of great dropkicks to send X-Pac out to the floor. X-Pac is crotched against the post and Jarrett pounds away in the ring. A snap powerslam gets two but X-Pac comes back with a tornado DDT for two. The crowd continues to be white hot as Finkel plays cheerleader. Some kicks in the corner have Jarrett in trouble but he grabs a quick sleeper to stop X-Pac’s momentum.

As is always the case when Jarrett puts someone in a sleeper, the other guy hooks a quick sleeper on Jeff but gets reversed into the corner. X-Pac misses a cross body out of the corner to give Jarrett two and it’s Figure Four time. The hold stays on for a very long time but X-Pac gets two close to the ropes, making Jeff let go to put it on again. The break lets X-Pac kick him into the corner before taking Jeff’s head off with a spinwheel kick. There’s the Bronco Buster and X-Pac rolls through a high cross body for two.

A Jarrett leapfrog is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two and Howard is starting to panic. Another Bronco Buster attempt is countered by a low blow but Jarrett stops to hit the Fink, allowing the X Factor to connect for a VERY close two. Southern Justice is back but Dennis Knight (Phineas) drops a guitar, giving X-Pac the shot to Jarrett for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it went a bit too long for what they were trying to do. If Southern Justice could come out at the end, where were they for the other ten minutes of the match? The haircut was the move that Jarrett needed as he changed his entire character from Tennessee Guy to chauvinist pig soon after this.

Jarrett formed a tag team with Owen Hart that would win the Tag Team Titles and hold them for a few months, dropping them just before Owen passed away in May of 1999. Jeff would spend the summer winning and losing the Intercontinental Title before entering the feud that kept him from ever stepping foot back back in the WWF.

Jarrett entered a feud with Chyna over Jeff’s Intercontinental Title with the showdown coming at No Mercy 1999. Here’s the problem: the show was on a Sunday and Jarrett’s contract expired Saturday night at midnight. Jarrett was still champion and had the WWF over a barrel. He agreed to wrestle at No Mercy for allegedly $300,000 and perhaps stock options, virtually blackballing him from the company. The match happened and that was it for Jeff, but he went out with a fun match.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Jeff Jarrett

Remember this is more or less a weapons match with certain weapons only. Chyna, the liberated woman, is wearing a thong. Sure why not. Miss Kitty is amazing looking of course so that’s no shock. This is a glorified comedy match but that’s working for something like this as it fits the storyline pretty well. Chyna shoves a banana in Jarrett’s face while he has a toilet seat around his neck. See what I’m dealing with here?

All Chyna so far here until she misses an elbow from the apron through a table. She broke the salami that was on the table. Apparently this is falls count anywhere as well. Jarrett hits her in the back with a fish. Ok then. Chyna beats up Miss Kitty but gets caught in the figure four, which was Jarrett’s finisher at the time. Ah there are the ropes. Jarrett comes off the second rope and the tongs he has wind up on his balls.

We’ve got pies. You might notice there is no sort of wrestling or flow to this at all. Don’t bother looking for it as this is a glorified comedy match. Kitchen sink shot gets two. There goes the referee. Who says the late 90s were overbooked? Chyna takes the title to the face…and gets pinned? Apparently so.

BUT WAIT!

The referee says the IC Title isn’t a household item so he can’t use it for the pin. Chyna blasts him with a guitar and that’s ok for the pin and the title. Ok then. Kitty leaves with Chyna, leading to a weird semi-lesbian angle without ever saying that’s what it was.

Rating: C-. Not really a match but it ended the angle in a way that fit perfectly. I’m ok with that as it at least made sense. This was a solid blowoff to the match so that’s all I can ask for I guess. Jarrett would be in WCW in like a day or so and get the biggest push of his career, albeit on a sinking ship.

Jeff would win the US Title before the end of 1999 and then join the latest incarnation of the NWO. A bunch of injuries would cripple the team though and it would be gone in just a few months. Jarrett would thrive though, receiving a WCW World Title shot at SuperBrawl 2000.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid vs. Scott Hall

This is Hall’s last match in WCW. Hall is the popular one but since he has no chance it’s not like it matters. He and Jarrett go at it before Sid gets here. Hall takes out the Harris Brothers and this is no DQ. Jeff chills on the floor while Hall pounds on Sid. Sid beats them both down and the Harris Brothers are running around at their pleasure. The Twins pull Hall to the floor and Jeff works over Hall a bit.

Tony calls Hall and Jarrett a couple of young kids and there goes the referee. Sid hits a double chokeslam and another referee comes down to count two. Jeff takes Sid out with a belt shot for two. The second referee gets a Stroke because….well because Jeff isn’t a nice person. Some heel miscommunication lets Hall get two on Jeff. Sid cracks the Harris Brothers with chairs and Jeff beats up the third referee in about five minutes.

The fourth referee comes in and down he goes immediately. Here’s the fifth referee and it’s the crooked referee Slick Johnson. Jeff sees him coming but gets caught in the Outsider’s Edge, only for Johnson to do the whole “OW MY SHOULDER” bit. Jeff hits Hall with the guitar and here’s Roddy Piper to be the referee. He’s the guy behind the door and he stops Johnson from counting the pin. Chokeslam to Jeff, powerbomb to Hall and Sid retains.

Rating: D+. Well all things considered (7 minutes, 6 referees, 2 Harris Twins and 1 guy with zero chance at all) they did about as much as they could. This felt as rushed as a little personal time when your mom is on her way home and you’re 13 years old. I have no idea why it was so rushed but could it have anything to do with JAMES BROWN DANCING FOR TEN MINUTES?

He would win and lose the WCW World Title in the span of a month in April, leading to a triple threat rematch with Jarrett, Diamond Dallas Page and actor David Arquette in a triple cage at Slamboree 2000.

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

It’s a triple cage match where the bottom is like the Cell and there’s a hardcore cage on top of that, which has a bunch of weapons on it. On top of that there’s a cage with a bunch of guitars around it with a cage a single person can fit into. The belt is hanging from the ceiling above that cage which has to be climbed to pull the belt down. It really is an impressive looking structure.

While the introductions are going on, a few things should be noted about Arquette: he didn’t want to do this but Russo insisted it was a brilliant idea. Second, every dollar he made from this he donanted to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov (recently paralyzed in a match). Before I forget you have to use a ladder to get to the second cage through I’m guessing a trapdoor.

The bell rings and Arquette runs. Well at least he’s thinking. Basically you’ll get Page vs. Jarrett for the majority of the match which means it’ll be decent enough. Page gets a clothesline in the ring and calls for Arquette to go up to the top where he misses a splash. Page tries to get a ladder but Jarrett hits a baseball slide to send Page into the cage again. And down goes David as Page sends Jarrett into Arquette into the cage.

Page posts Jeff and goes for the ladder and ultimately the second cage. Jarrett is busted open but manages to suplex Page off the ladder. The ladder is in the corner and not set up so both guys are sent into it as is the ladder match custom. Jeff brings in a second ladder and they both start climbing. Page knocks him off and is in the second cage first. Jeff follows quickly and instead of just going through the door he grabs a weapon and gets caught.

The floor of the cage they’re in is made of the top of the other cage and has wide spaces, making it easy to slip in. Page is busted also and Jarrett tries to climb the wall, only to get caught. They ram each other into the cage wall and it falls down. Keep in mind they’re on top of something the size of Hell in a Cell. This isn’t exactly on the mat and almost falling to the floor.

Hey, I have a great idea! LET’S SET UP A TABLE ON TOP OF A CAGE WITH BIG HOLES IN THE FLOOR! Page gets something like a powerslam through it and both guys are down. The floor is pretty weak but it’s not as bad as a scaffold match. Arquette hasn’t been seen in about five minutes. There he is and here he comes. Arquette goes to the top of the hardcore cage and is totally alone, meaning he could easily retain the title. Since he doesn’t, you might as well hold up a big sign saying SHOCK HEEL TURN.

Page sets for a Diamond Cutter on Jarrett on top of the Cell (they’re outside the hardcore cage so it’s almost like the moat of a castle if that makes sense) but Mike Awesome pops in to break it up. There’s a Diamond Cutter for him and Arquette is on top of the third cage. Page and Jarrett go up and head into the guitar room. Jarrett misses a shot as does Page. He hands one to Arquette to play defense with and as both wrestlers climb, say it with me, ARQUETTE TURNS ON PAGE. Jarrett wins the title.

Rating: B. Above all else, this match shows the fundamental flaw in Vince Russo’s style: this was a good match and there was zero reason for Arquette to be involved at all. As explained during the match, Jarrett was mad at Page because Page was in Ready to Rumble and he wasn’t. They met in a tournament final at the previous PPV for the title with Jarrett winning and then Page got the belt, making this the blowoff match.

DDP vs. Jarrett in a big gimmick cage match (from the movie so it makes even more sense) is more than ok for a PPV main event. They have chemistry together too so the match was going to be pretty good at least. But for Russo that’s not enough so he adds in David Arquette, making it look like any guy off the street (which for Arquette is true from a physical standpoint) can win the title. The title looks bad and instead of WCW having a match that looks like it’s even more crazy and awesome than Hell in a Cell, this match is remembered for David Arquette coming in as world champion. Just let the wrestlers wrestle.

To give you an idea of how screwed up WCW was at this point, Jarrett won his first WCW World Title on April 16, 2000 and won it for the fourth time on May 29, 2000, a span of 43 days.

Jeff would drop down to the midcard after that and not do much of note until WCW folded. He was a big deal in the World Wrestling All-Stars for its entire run, but in June 2002, Jarrett would start up NWA TNA and be its featured star for years. Jeff would win the NWA World Title in November and eventually move into a pretty awesome feud with Raven. One of their title matches took place on April 30, 2003.

NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Raven

From April 30, 2003 with Jarrett defending. Raven has Julio Dinero with him but unfortunately not the more famous lackey: CM Punk. He also has his chick Alexis Laree, more famous as Mickie James. This is billed as the showdown with Raven wanting to claim his destiny. Feeling out process to start with Raven slamming the champion down and celebrating. A drop toehold ticks Jeff off even more so he erupts with right hands and a dropkick to send Raven out to the floor.

Raven is sent into the barricade but some interference from the Gathering (Raven’s stable) lets him take over again. Jeff knocks Raven down and dives on the Gathering as he foreshadows his lucha libre skills. Another drop toehold puts Jarrett into the steps as Raven has been busted open on something. Dinero has set up a table for Raven who lays a bloody Jarrett on the wood. Jeff gets inside before Raven can dive on him though and the fight continues.

Dinero slides in a chair for the third drop toehold from Raven for two. A knee to the ribs puts Jarrett down again and Raven kicks him in the head like the villain that he is. There’s a sleeper as the fans are behind Jarrett. Jeff comes back with a jawbreaker and a Diamond Cutter of all things to put both guys down. Some right hands block the Raven Effect and a nice dropkick gets two for the champ.

Dinero gets a dropkick as well and Jarrett slams Alexis. Another Raven Effect attempt is countered with an enziguri for two and a catapult into the corner gets the same. The Stroke hits from out of nowhere for another near fall but no real pop from the crowd. A sloppy Raven Effect gets the same but Jeff comes back with a Cactus Clothesline to send both outside. Raven is laid out on the table and Jeff drops a middle rope elbow to drive him through it.

Back inside and Jarrett lays Raven out with a DDT but Dinero makes the save. The referee FINALLY ejects the Gathering but Raven shoves Jarrett into the referee, knocking him into the barricade. Both guys kick each other low as the Disciples of the New Church come out to brawl with the Gathering. Raven calls out Extreme Revolution (your usual ECW guys) to destroy and handcuff Jarrett.

Saturn and Credible hit a Conchairto with superkicks on Jarrett but the lights go out. Back on and here’s Sabu to take out Raven and the rest of the ECW guys. Everyone else leaves and Jarrett ducks a chair shot, sending the chair into the ropes and back onto Raven’s head for two. Bill Behrens (boss) comes out to uncuff Jarrett but Raven grabs the Even Flow for two. Not that it matters as Jarrett pops up and hits the Stroke for the pin.

Rating: B-. I was really digging this until everything fell apart at the end. There had to be some insanity in there but based on this and this alone, giving Raven the title wouldn’t have been the worst idea. There’s chemistry here and a natural dichotomy between these two which makes for a good match like this one.

Jeff would trade the title back and forth with AJ Styles and a few other people as TNA continued to grow. The title would be on the line against challenger Jeff Hardy at the first three hour PPV, Victory Road 2004.

NWA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett

Ladder match. It took 9 minutes to get from package to bell. Oh and remember Hall and Nash are both here and allegedly they’re both in Jarrett’s corner. Now in case you don’t know, Jeff Hardy has had ladder matches before. I need to make sure you know this, because the announcers only tell us about 49 times so because they don’t go with the full 50, make sure you know: Jeff Hardy has been in ladder matches before.

West is surprised that Hardy is using the ladder as a weapon. Has he never watched WWF television? Why do the announcers have to keep repeating themselves? There’s really no attempt at getting the ladder and it’s just moves to hurt each other. There’s no flow to this at all and it’s just spot after spot. I know the others have that also, but there’s a clear flow to it and you can easily see the differences between the two.

Hall comes out and hits a Razor’s Edge on Hardy which does nothing at all. The fans for the most part look bored as they have all night. That’s the problem here: all of these spots have not only been done but they’ve been done better by more interesting characters. There’s just no reason to care at all here and it’s painfully showing. And now we have a big ladder. Where have I seen this before?

They set it up on the floor and climb it which is completely pointless as it’s about even with what a regular ladder in the ring would be at. Oh look, Hardy is in control and Nash, with his own entrance music, is coming down. Nothing but good can come of this right? Oh you know it’s coming. They beat up Hardy and Jarrett keeps the title. They call themselves the Kings of Wrestling as they try to do the NWO thing all over again.

AJ comes out to fight them and gets beaten down then Three Live Crew (because I like literacy) comes out and fight to something resembling a stalemate before Macho Man debuts and we go off the air. Yep, the six man was your main event next month and then Savage was gone. What a mess this was.

Rating: D. This was awful. It felt like they said we’re going to have a ladder match then looked around and asked if anyone knew how to do that. It wasn’t interesting at all and it wasn’t any good. None of the spots made you want to see more and nowhere in here did I think Hardy would win. The Outsiders as usual meant nothing. They had one big moment 14 years ago and they’ve ridden it ever since. This felt like an imitation of something better but they knew it was bad.

Jeff would lead a huge heel stable known as Planet Jarrett but eventually lose the title to Rhyno at Bound For Glory 2005, only to win it back soon on Impact. Here’s the rematch from Turning Point 2005.

NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Rhyno

Feeling out process to start and Jeff grabs a wristlock. That gets him nowhere as Rhyno runs him over for one. A dropkick gets the same for the champ and it’s off to a short arm scissors. The fans want Jarrett fired as Rhyno powers out of the hold and drops Jeff onto the top rope. Press slam is followed by Jarrett being draped over the top again. Out to the floor and Rhyno hits a dive out to the floor.

They head into the crowd with Rhyno in full control. He tries to suplex him off a wall but Jarrett knocks him down and onto the floor again. They head up towards the backstage and Jarrett is rammed into various metal objects, busting him open. Back to ringside and Jeff takes a chair shot to the shoulder and the back. Back to the backstage area and Rhyno loads up a table.

Rhyno takes him onto a scaffold but Jeff finds a chair to pop Rhyno with, sending him down through the table with a crash. Jeff takes him back to the ramp and goes for a suplex but Rhyno counters into one of his own. Rhyno goes to the back to get something and comes back with another table. He puts the table up against the ramp and Gores him “through” it, as I don’t think it actually broke but rather fell on top of the two of them.

With both guys down, JB gets on the mic and says both guys have until ten to get to the ring or it’s over. You know, like in a regular match. Team Canada comes out and beats down Rhyno some more and carries Jarrett back to the ring. Rhyno makes it back in anyway and is all fired up. A clothesline puts Jarrett down and the champ is reeling. The Canadians come in and are quickly dispatched.

Spinebuster gets two for the challenger. He goes up but Petey crotches him. So you can start that ten count thing but you can’t do anything about these guys? Superplex gets two for Jeff as does a TKO for Rhyno. The referee takes a shoulder block in the corner, which isn’t going to mean anything because he’s been useless. Stroke is countered and Rhyno loads up the Gore, only to have Roode come in.

He goes down as does A-1 but Roode gets up quickly and hits his Northern Lariat to Rhyno, getting two. There’s the guitar shot for two. Here comes Jackie Gayda who apparently has something on Jarrett. The distraction lets Rhyno Gore Jeff down for two. The challenger sets up two chairs and tries the Rhyno Driver through them, but D’Amore hits him with the hockey stick. A middle rope Stroke onto the chairs keeps the belt on Jeff.

Rating: B-. It was a pretty solid brawl here but the Canadians at the end got annoying quickly. Then again that’s the point, but this was the HHH formula 101 from 2003. Rhyno wasn’t going to get the title back and probably shouldn’t have, so I can’t really complain about the ending. For a B show main event title match, I can’t complain much here.

Jarrett would spend most of 2006 feuding with Sting, eventually dropping the title to him at Bound For Glory that year. This would get rid of Jeff for about six months until he returned to the ring in the main event of Lockdown 2007 as part of Team Angle.

Team Christian vs. Team Angle

Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner

Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, Rhyno

Two people start for five minutes, Team Cage gets the advantage for two minutes, after everyone is in the roof with weapons lowers, first fall wins and gets a shot at Christian at Sacrifice. AJ vs. Angle to start. AJ is still kind of an idiot at this point. He tries to take it to the mat but Angle is like boy please. Pretty much just feeling each other out so far to start. Angle goes into something made of steel and AJ stomps away. Off to the chinlock as they’re saving energy for later in the match. Kurt pops off an Angle Slam out of nowhere as the clock runs down.

Abyss is out second and Angle is in trouble. Shock Treatment to Angle and things go really slowly. Remember that there are two minute periods from now on. With really nothing happening in that period, here’s Rhyno who has to pose on the ramp before going to help his partner. He cleans house for awhile and hits a clothesline to take Abyss down. Angle is back up now so it’s a bit more balanced. Tomko comes out to make it 3-2.

The drug addict goes after the guy with alcoholic tendencies and the bearded one wins. Rhyno is busted. Joe comes in third. A lot of these periods are just coming and going with nothing interesting happening at all. Joe beats up Abyss while everyone else is kind of standing around. Down goes Tomko but AJ gets in a shot. MuscleBuster puts AJ down and Tomko takes Rolling Germans. Abyss gets caught in Joe’s Clutch as Steiner comes in to make it 4-3.

Just like the rest of the periods, he beats up all of the partners and hits what he calls the Frankensteiner on Rhyno. Other than that it’s all belly to belly suplexes. Sting comes in to tie it up. Death Drop to Abyss, Splash to Steiner, Splash to Abyss, Splash to Tomko/Styles. AJ tries to climb but Joe chases him, resulting in a SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOM. Ok that was awesome. Deathlock to Steiner but Tomko breaks it up. Christian is the final member of his team to make it 5-4.

Chops don’t work on Sting so Christian gets beaten down. Does no one watch Flair matches? Sting beats up Christian for a few moments and puts the Deathlock on him. Here’s Jarrett to fire off dropkicks for everyone and a Stroke for AJ. The roof is lowered. Everyone stands up and it’s a five on five brawl, rendering the first 21 minutes of this match totally useless.

Jarrett gets a bat but throws it to Sting. Rhyno gets a garbage can in the same method. Total dominance at this point by Team Angle. AJ gets the bat and clubs everyone not named Angle. AJ goes up through a hole in the roof to the top of the cage for some reason. Angle follows him up and Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Race pops Mitchell for his efforts and the crowd really doesn’t seem to care about this match.

Rhyno gores Tomko through the door as AJ and Angle try not to die by falling off the top of the cage. AJ cracks Angle in the head with a chair and Rhyno goes to the floor also. Steiner goes outside too and Joe dives onto Tomko. There are only four left in the cage. Abyss lays out the tacks but can’t chokeslam Sting and Jarrett at the same time.

Christian takes a double chokeslam from Sting and Jarrett which is a cool visual. Black Hole Slam to Jarrett but not onto the tacks. Angle knocks AJ off the cage onto the people outside the cage. SCARY stuff there. Abyss pours the other bag of tacks into the guitar and since he loaded it up, it goes over his head and Jarrett lets Sting get the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. This was more or less every Lethal Lockdown match you’ll ever see: there are too many people in the ring, the periods don’t mean anything until the end, and the match is pretty dull until the last five minutes. Still though it’s fun and it does what it’s supposed to do, which is all you can really ask for.

Kurt didn’t trust him but the blowoff match didn’t happen for over a year and a half as Jeff left about a month after Lockdown. Here’s the match from Bound For Glory 2008.

JeffJarrettvs. KurtAngle

This is Jeff’s first match in two years and we’re told about his little girls every 9 seconds of course. Angle flips Foley off almost immediately. He’s on the floor for the majority of this match as he’s just an enforcer. Who he’s enforcing against or what he’s enforcing are anyone’s guess but that’s a constant question in wrestling. Big THANK YOU JEFF chant.

Feeling out process to start as Angle tries to embarrass Jeff. I think 2005 did that about as well as possible Kurt. Angle dominates on the mat of course which is what I think everyone expected. He hits a European Uppercut in the corner which is called a German by West because he’s a stupid man. Jarrett hits a pescado to take Angle down on the floor.

Spending a lot of time on the mat here which is probably an attempt to balance out the lack of cardio that Jeff likely has. We get some dueling chants as Jeff fights out of a chinlock. Someone needs to win with one of those once just for the pure shock value of it. Angle’s shoulder hits the post and Jarrett is too spent to do anything about it.

Jarrett starts a comeback but can’t finish him. He goes for a middle rope suplex but Angle blocks and tries a belly to belly to the floor. Since that would more or less kill Jarrett, Angle gets a top rope suplex instead. A nice counter sets up the figure four and Angle is in trouble. Foley has done absolutely nothing in the nearly fifteen minutes we’ve been going so far.

Rolling Germans have Jarret in trouble. Ankle Lock is on and Jeff is about to tap. Angle Slam gets two and a moonsault misses. According to Tenay the figure four is the reason the moonsault missed. I’m pretty sure it was actually Jeff rolling out of the way but what do I know? Stroke gets two but the referee is out so Foley counts two.

Kurt goes to get a chair and Foley says no way. Yes let’s tell one of the most intense men in the history of the sport that hates your guts not to use a chair he has in his hands. Foley gets his skull caved in for the 150th time which he should get a set of steak knives for I think. Chair to Jarrett gets two as Foley stops it. Socko to Kurt and a guitar shot ends it with Foley making the count.

Rating: B. Solid for the most part here and considering that it was Jeff’s first match in so long, this was pretty good. Foley didn’t need to be there like at all but it fit in with the story so I can live with that. Tenay SHOUTS at Jeff’s kids in Nashville that they all love them and this was for you. WOW yeah that wasn’t overkill at all Mikey.

Jeff would come back full time in the spring but only stick around about four months before disappearing again. He would return in 2010 and stick around for over a year, including a somewhat bizarre MMA character. Around this time he would legitimately marry Kurt’s wife Karen, basically stripping Jarrett of all of his power in TNA. They would have yet another match at Lockdown 2011.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

First fall is submission only, second is pin only, third is escape the cage.  Should be awesome.  Karen is ejected before the match starts which is a nice plus.  Angle gets a headlock to start us off which is broken up quickly.  There are only three matches left and we have almost 90 minutes left so this is going to get a lot of time.  Snap suplex puts Jeff down as Kurt hammers away.

 

Leg sweep takes Kurt down and it’s a Figure Four less than two minutes in.  Not a very good one but a figure four nonetheless.  The referee, ever the genius, counts Kurt’s shoulders in a submission match.  Kurt turns it over and hooks a t-bone suplex into the ankle lock.  That doesn’t last long as Jarrett grabs a sleeper.  Jeff sends Kurt into the corner shoulder first and adds an enziguri to the shoulder (which doesn’t work as enziguri means head kick but you get the idea).  Cross armbreaker goes on and Kurt is able to roll out of it and lock on the ankle lock with the grapevine to get the early submission.

 

Jeff sends him into the cage and hits the Stroke for two.  I thought that would have been a fall actually.  Jeff has a top rope cross body rolled through for two.  Double clothesline puts both guys down.  They slug it out and it’s boo/yay time.  Belly to belly by Kurt gets two.  Rolling Germans hear my cry!  The third is blocked by a low blow though which Jeff distracts the referee for.  If it’s pin only, why would he have to distract the referee?

 

Another Stroke is countered into a shot into the cage and an Angle Slam for of course just two.  Jeff goes up and is caught in a belly to belly off the top for a long two.  The crowd is FINALLY getting into this.  They’ve been dead the entire time here which is a shame as this has been a fairly good match so far.  Kurt wakes up and busts out a Diamond Cutter of all things.  That has to be a shot at Randy Orton.  And Jeff rolls Kurt up with tights to tie it up.  No bell or anything and the announcement is delayed, so no one really got that it was a fall.

 

Third is escape only and Jeff tries to unlock the door.  There’s a key in there if you’re wondering.  Jeff sends Kurt into the cage multiple times and goes for the key again.  Ok the door is unlocked now.  Slowest Rolling Germans ever has Jeff reeling though.  There were five in that set and thankfully the crowd responds to it a bit.  Just like last year, Kurt is ready to go and Jeff couldn’t stop him but he comes back in.  He gets to the bottom step twice and come back in.

 

Kurt locks the door and puts the key down his tights.  Jeff is panicking so Kurt beats on him a bit more.  Jeff is the first person to bleed tonight and it’s flowing down his face.  They head to the top rope and Kurt hammers him down.  Angle climbs up but Jeff catches him with a powerbomb off the top of the cage which is botched and Kurt lands on the top of his head, probably killing him.  And of course he pops up to catch Jarrett leaving and hits an Angle Slam off the top.  Kurt tries to leave but lost the key somewhere.  Not a good sign when there’s so much room in your tights that you can’t find a big metal object buddy.

 

Gunner comes out with a chair to keep Kurt from leaving so Kurt pulls a Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga spot and throws out the moonsault to Jeff.  I think his head hit Jarrett so it’s better than nothing.  Steiner runs out to chase off Gunner as both guys are down.  Kurt finds the key and unlocks the door but Karen bounces down and sprays something in Kurt’s eyes.

 

The blind Angle drills the referee and Karen hides by the door.  Jeff tries to escape but gets caught in the ankle lock.  Karen slips him a guitar from somewhere and pops Kurt with it.  Kurt gets up AGAIN and puts the ankle lock on Jeff one more time but Karen slams the door on Angle’s head to let Jeff fall out to end this finally.  You have got to be kidding me.  Are they trying to have a mass murder in Cincinnati tonight?

Rating: B. Le sigh.  Blast it all as they managed to screw up ANOTHER finish.  The match wasn’t great but it was definitely the best of the night.  The crowd hurt this a lot and the ending wasn’t all that great.  It’s Angle vs. Jarrett.  HOW CAN YOU OVERBOOK KURT ANGLE VS. JEFF JARRETT????????  Not a great match as some people will say but good.  The problem is the first two falls were weak and it hurt this a lot.

Angle would win the blowoff match the next month as Jarrett’s time in TNA would wind down. Since then he’s been a fixture in Mexico, even winning the AAA World Heavyweight Title.

Jarrett is one of those guys where I could have gone on twice as long as I did and still missed big matches from his career. While he may get annoying with being booked so hard in TNA, there’s no denying that he’s a very talented wrestler who has gotten better with age. He wrestles a very basic style but is still able to make it work, and that’s the best move a lot of the time. He’s worth checking out, but I wouldn’t recommend a marathon of him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Not one of my more exact ideas but it’s pretty accurate.Orton tends to work better against guys smaller than he is.  Think about it.

 

Good Matches With Orton

Cena

Christian

Ziggler

Shawn Michaels

 

Not So Good Matches With Orton

HHH

Sheamus

Big Show

Edge

 

Orton is about 6’4, or the same height as Edge and HHH.  Like I said, not an exact science but most things in wrestling aren’t.

A few months ago someone asked me to name something that I’m afraid people are going to forget as time passes.  My answer was how good Steve Austin was in the ring.I’ve been flipping through some old stuff and thinking about some shows I’ll want to check out when the Network arrives and I got to thinking about this again.  The more stuff I watch, the more I realize how amazing Steve Austin was as a performer.  Everyone remembers him on the mic and his promos and going from hilarious about anything (side note: listen to his podcast called Austin vs. The Fly.  It’s episode seven and when I first heard it I was literally laughing so hard that my headphones fell out) to dead serious about wanting the title or his war with Vince.

What people forget is how great he was with the in ring work.  I’ve been doing the Wrestler of the Day series and obviously Austin will be picked when we get to his birthday.  I try to keep those at about ten matches and I realized I’ve got probably 40-50 that I can pick from for Austin and it’ll take a veyr long time to get that list down to size.  There are just so many matches that were either big or important for him but at the same time he had so many matches that blew anything else that night away that people never remember.  I could rattle off about ten matches on TV that are a B+ or higher, which is getting up into Shawn Michaels territory.

Go watch some Steve Austin stuff when you get the chance.  There are times when Austin gets that look in his eyes and you know you’re in for something special.  Check it out, especially in 97/98.

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

This isn’t so much the Royal Rumble as much as it is HHH and Randy Orton are in a match and 28 other guys happen to be in the ring too. Other than that we have Edge challenging the NEW WWE Champion Jeff Hardy and Cena defending against JBL, who has Shawn Michaels and his crisis of conscience working for him at the moment. This wasn’t the best year for WWE so let’s get to it.

No intro video this year. That’s interesting.

ECW Title: Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Swagger won the title about two weeks ago and this is Hardy’s rematch. We actually get big match intros for this, which is a rare sight for an ECW Title match. Matt takes him into the corner to start before punching Jack in the face. Striker calls that a pugilistic endeavor to sound smart. Another punch sends Swagger to the floor and we head back inside for a clothesline from Matt.

Jack heads to the floor to hide after Matt swings again. Back in and Swagger takes Hardy to the mat and cranks on the arm a bit. Hardy comes back with a dropkick in the corner and a bulldog for two, only to go up and get shoved down to the floor. Back in and Swagger starts in on the arm but Hardy quickly escapes a key lock. A punch to Hardy’s arm blocks a clothesline and a big boot gets two for the champion.

Back to the key lock as Jack stays on the arm. He lifts Hardy off the mat by the arm a few times as the fans cheer for the challenger. Matt fights back but he’s basically fighting with one arm here. A bulldog puts Jack down for two and a middle rope elbow to Swagger’s back gets the same.

Hardy walks into a belly to belly suplex from Jack for two though and both guys are down. A DDT on the arm gets two for the champion but Matt blocks a belly to back superplex. Matt hits a decent looking moonsault for two and the fans are getting into these kickouts. The Twist is countered and Jack sends Matt shoulder and possibly head first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: B-. Better match than I was expecting here with both guys looking good out there. Matt was getting close to being something decent as a singles guy and this was his way off ECW and onto Smackdown. Swagger would go on to win a world title and shock the world in the process before falling through the floor soon after. Solid opener here.

Orton arrives and gets glared at.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

We recap JBL vs. Cena, which is basically the Shawn Michaels Story. Basically the story went that Shawn was crushed by the financial crash and JBL offered to hire him to help win the title. Shawn helped JBL win a #1 contenders match and the question is will he screw over Cena tonight and compromise his morals? There was a VERY real argument to be made for Shawn vs. JBL at Mania for the title, so this wasn’t a layup. The problem with this story is still there though: Shawn is a world class wrestler with the top company in the world….and he’s broke? He may have lost his savings but he’s not unemployed.

JBL tells Shawn is he wins the title tonight, Shawn is free with a huge payday and he can be in the Rumble tonight, which at the moment he isn’t. Bradshaw leaves and Taker shows up, saying that sometimes it’s a nightmare getting to Heaven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is defending in case you skipped the previous parts. We get the big match intros here and even a weapons check for old times’ sake. Cena takes him to the mat with a headlock to start but JBL counters into one of his own. A shoulder block puts JBL down and out to the floor as we take a breather. JBL whispers something to Shawn before heading back inside for some clubbing forearms to the back.

Cena slams him down for two though and we’re still in the early stages. JBL heads to the floor again but this time Cena goes after him. He runs into Shawn though and stops cold, allowing JBL to get in a shot to take over. Shawn didn’t move at all. Back in with JBL in control and a standing clothesline gets two. Presumably that one was only from Hoboken.

Off to a chinlock from the challenger as we keep things at JBL’s slow pace. A side slam gets two on Cena and he rolls out to the apron. Layfield knocks him to the floor and then sends him into the stairs for two back inside. Cena fights out of a superplex attempt and hits the top rope Fameasser for two of his own. The champ initiates his finishing sequence with all of his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Shawn hasn’t been a factor in the first nine minutes or so of the match.

JBL escapes the AA but gets caught in the STF instead. Shawn starts grabbing the ropes but doesn’t do anything. Cena lets go of the hold anyway, allowing JBL to kick Cena to the floor. JBL’s Clothesline gets two so he glares at Shawn for some reason. A quick AA attempt misses and JBL kicks the referee down by mistake. The Johns double clothesline each other and it’s time for the big moment.

Shawn gets in the ring and is staring at both guys. Both guys get up and Shawn superkicks John. As in the challenger/him employer. He also kicks the champion/the guy he was hired to take out before leaving. Shawn puts JBL’s arm across Cena, causing the fans to chant for the champ. Another referee comes out and gets a two count for Layfield and both guys get up. Cena hits a quick AA on JBL to retain.

Rating: C-. The match itself was pretty dull but the drama worked well enough to make up for it. At the end of the day, JBL simply wasn’t good enough at this point to hang in a world title match. Cena had to tone it WAY down to let JBL keep up with him and it showed badly. Still though, Shawn more than makes up for it and would go on to have a masterpiece with Taker at Mania so all is well and good.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy. Hardy shocked the world (including me) at Armageddon by winning the title, but a few weeks later he started having a string of “accidents” including having pyro go off in his face and nearly getting killed by a crazy driver. Everyone blamed Edge but he denied responsibility. The question is who is behind all this stuff. Hardy hasn’t had a match that I know of in the meantime. I went to a house show during this period and Hardy didn’t wrestle.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Vickie makes it No DQ for no apparent reason and Chavo is in Edge’s corner because he’s familia. Jeff spears Edge into the corner to start and pounds away as fast as he can. The fans almost immediately start chanting WE WANT CHRISTIAN. Now remember that line as I’ll get back to it later on. Christian had left TNA and word hadn’t broken yet on if he had signed with WWE yet (I don’t think). Anyway, Jeff tries to bring in a chair but Edge kicks it out of his hands before it gets inside.

Hardy pounds away but Edge gets in a shot to take over for the first time. Edge sends him to the floor but can’t hit a baseball slide, allowing Hardy to hit a clothesline off the apron. Back in and Jeff tries a springboard but gets kicked down to the floor for the third time. Edge rams him into various hard objects including tables and the barricade and then another table.

We head back inside again with Edge in full control including a spear in the corner. Jeff grabs a quick two off a sunset flip but gets clotheslined right back down. Off to a body vice by Edge to slow things down a bit. Jeff fights up and hits a mule kick before going up top, only to jump into a dropkick from Edge for two. Now Edge goes to get two chairs but Jeff spears him down off the apron before it can be brought in.

Edge gets back to the apron but gets pulled down into a Twist of Fate onto said apron, sending both guys down onto the floor. Since it’s Jeff vs. Edge, here’s a ladder. Jeff spreads Edge out on the table but Chavo climbs up to slow Jeff down. Edge moves, so Jeff hits a HUGE splash to put Chavo through the table instead. Back in and Jeff gets two off a high cross body. Edge gets up first and pulls a buckle off, only to get caught in the Whisper in the Wind for two.

Out of nowhere Edge counters the Twist into a DDT for a very close two. We’re pretty clearly in the final stages of this match which means it’s getting awesome. Edge counters the slingshot dropkick into a kind of hot shot into the exposed buckle for ANOTHER two. The spear is countered into a Twist of Fate so Jeff goes up. After kicking Vickie away, the Swanton hits but Vickie pulls the referee out. Cue Matt to send Vickie into the ring and pick up a chair. To the shock of a lot of people, Matt cracks Jeff with the chair to give Edge of all people the world title.

Rating: B. This too awhile to get going but once they hit their stride they started acting like Edge and Jeff Hardy in a big match. The No DQ stuff wasn’t needed here but it made things work a bit better. At the end of the day, these two work best when they can turn off the rules and go nuts, which is what they did here.

Now remember earlier that I mentioned Christian. He was originally supposed to be in Matt’s spot, setting up a reunion with Edge. However, WWE felt the fans figured this out so we got Matt in his place. This also happened in 2012 with Sheamus winning the Rumble instead of Jericho. Based on this theory, Shawn should have kept the title at Wrestlemania 14 because almost everyone knew that Austin was winning.

That makes no sense and I don’t get what they think this is accomplishing. It didn’t work out well for Russo and it won’t work out for the WWE. Matt vs. Jeff didn’t work at the end of the day, mainly because I don’t think people wanted to see them fight. I’ll give them this: they did come up with a logical reason for Matt to turn so it’s not a terrible idea. It just wasn’t the best option they had.

Orton says he’ll win. Jericho pops in to thank Orton for punting Vince on Monday but Randy will probably get fired for it.

Rumble by the numbers which is roughly the same as the previous year.

Royal Rumble

Mysterio is #1 and Morrison is #2. Rey kicks him in the face a few times to start but gets put on the apron for trying his sitout bulldog. A springboard cross body puts Morrison down and there’s a big headscissors to take Morrison down. John gets sent to the apron but hangs on by the top rope, even when Mysterio dropkicks him in the ribs. Carlito is #3 and is the second tag champion in here along with Morrison. Those titles would be unified at Mania.

Rey tries a standing moonsault but gets caught in a modified swinging neckbreaker instead. Carlito hits a gorgeous double jump moonsault to take Morrison down and stomping ensues. MVP, currently on a winning streak after losing forever, is #4. There’s Ballin on Morrison and a facebuster to Carlito. Rey get sent to the apron but he saves himself almost immediately.

Great Khali with the awesome dance music is #5. Everybody gets a chop and Khali poses a bit. Mysterio tries to springboard onto him and Carlito tries a Backstabber, both to no avail. Kozlov is #6 and immediately headbutts Khali out by himself. MVP misses a running kick in the corner and he’s gone too (BIG heat on Vlad for that). Carlito is gone after jumping into a spinebuster and Mysterio looks to be up next, but heeeeeeeeeere’s HHH at #7.

Since no one else can get a good match out of Kozlov, you know HHH is going to try his hand at him. They stare each other down and Kozlov hits the headbutt to take him down. The facebuster stuns Kozlov and HHH throws him out wise ease. It’s HHH, Morrison and Mysterio in there at the moment with Rey chilling in the corner. The knee to the face puts Morrison down and Orton is #8.

The battle of Evolution continues and the backbreaker puts HHH down. Both finishers are countered with Morrison breaking up the Pedigree. Rey hits a seated senton on Orton and the 619 on Morrison before JTG is in at #9. Orton tries to put Mysterio out as people start pairing off. Ted DiBiase, as in one of Orton’s lackeys, is #10. Mysterio and DiBiase immediately fight to the apron with Rey doing some gymnastics to stay alive.

Jericho is #11 and goes right for Orton. He can’t get him out so there’s a Lionsault to HHH instead. Jericho is knocked to the apron and Mike Knox is #12. Orton and DiBiase focus on JTG as Knox beats on Rey. HHH saves the masked dude for no apparent reason and Miz is #13. He goes right after JTG and hits something like the Skull Crushing Finale before going after the Game.

Morrison and Mysterio team up on Orton but John and Miz both take RKOs. There’s one for JTG but HHH hits a Pedigree to stop Randy dead. HHH dumps Miz and Morrison to prove how awesome he is and Finlay is #14. Jericho backdrops Mysterio to the floor but he lands on Morrison and hops onto Miz to get back to the ring. Finlay beats on everyone in the ring until Cody Rhodes, the other of Orton’s goons, is #15.

We currently have Mysterio, HHH, Orton, JTG, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay and Rhodes. Legacy (the collective name of the trio) starts picking off people one at a time, starting with Finlay. They don’t actually put anyone out but they get to beat on everyone at least. Rey dives at Orton but gets caught in an RKO in a nice counter. The Undertaker is #16 and here come the punches. His only victim at this point is JTG to clear the ring out a bit.

Goldust of all people is in at #17 and immediately goes for DiBiase. Rhodes pulls his real life brother (Goldust) off so Goldie sends him to the apron a few times. That’s as far as he can get though as an RKO puts Goldust down and Rhodes gets to dump him out. Punk is #18 and happens to be the IC Champion at this point. There’s a GTS for HHH as RKO works on Y2J. Mysterio gets sent to the apron by Knox and Finlay works on Taker.

Mark Henry is #19 and throws a lot of people around but can’t get anybody out. Shelton Benjamin is #20 to fill the ring up even more. Jericho and Punk go up top for no apparent reason other than for Shelton to charge the corner and hit a kind of double DDT to bring them both back down. Billy Regal is #21 and goes right for Punk, who beat him for the IC Title a week or so again.

Mysterio dumps Henry off camera to thankfully get someone out of the ring. HHH is upside down in the corner but he winds up sitting on the apron. Here’s Kofi at #22 to speed things up as well as he can with so many people around him. Taker dumps Benjamin and Kane is #23. After beating up a few people he stares his brother down before they start working together to chokeslam some people.

Punk pulls Regal out and brags about it without getting thrown out. R-Truth is #24 and nothing happens. Rob Van Dam makes a one night only return at #25 after not having been seen in the WWE in about a year and a half. That at least wakes the crowd up but there are too many people in there for his style of stuff to work. He loads up the Five Star but Truth is too close so he has to bail out in mid air.

The Brian Kendrick is #26 back when he was actually a big deal. To show how big he is, he manages to dump Kofi and get thrown out by HHH in about fifteen seconds. Dolph Ziggler gets lucky #27 but only lasts about six seconds longer than Kendrick with Kane getting the point. Your future World Heavyweight Champion ladies and gentlemen. Santino is #28 and breaks Warlord’s record of two seconds in the Rumble by being clotheslined out by Kane before he can even stand up straight.

Jim Duggan makes his token Rumble appearance at #29 and he punches everything in sight, including knocking the Dead Man down. Big Show is #30, giving us a final group of Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, RVD, Duggan and Big Show, or half the field in the entire match. Nearly everyone goes after him at once but it’s Duggan that gets tossed instead.

Jericho tries to put a sleeper on Show but it gets about as far as you would expect. Taker throws Punk to the apron as Show dumps Truth. Punk fires off some kicks and hangs on three times so Show finally knocks him out cold and out to the floor. Show knocks out Knox and Mysterio as Horny gets in for no apparent reason. Finlay tries to save him and gets dumped for his efforts at good parenting.

Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Kane and Orton hits the Elevated DDT on HHH. Taker and Show have their required staredown and RVD hits the Five Star on Orton. Jericho comes up behind Van Dam to dump him while Rob holds his ribs. That’s his last WWE appearance to date. Chris turns around and sees Taker who tosses him with glee. Legacy teams up to put Kane out and we’re down to Taker, Big Show, HHH and Legacy.

The trio surrounds Undertaker as HHH gets chokeslammed. Taker does the same to most of Legacy so the giants punch each other a lot until Show gets knocked to the apron and hangs on with his feet flying off the apron. THAT was cool. Not that it matters anyway as he gets RKO’ed out a few moments later but it still looked good. Show pulls Taker to the floor a minute later because that’s how he rolls.

So as people expected at the time, it’s HHH vs. Legacy for the Rumble. Taker and Show fight into the crowd for no apparent reason. HHH goes after Rhodes first but the numbers catch up with him. He gets beaten down and Orton says pick him up. The RKO is countered though and HHH sends Orton to the apron. There goes DiBiase and Rhodes follows, but Orton sneaks up on HHH and throws him out to win the Rumble.

Rating: D. This was one of the weaker Rumbles there’s ever been. For one thing, it was clear that Orton was going to win no matter what happened. Second and probably more important, they got caught in the classic Rumble trap of having WAY too many people in there at once. They didn’t even try the three act structure here and it showed badly. That’s something Pat Patterson was absolutely amazing at and he was gone by this point.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s clear that the company was in a transitional period here and that makes this a hard one to get through. There’s enough good stuff here to check it out, but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. The only really solid match is Edge vs. Hardy and even that is nothing really worth seeing. This is a rare instance where the Rumble didn’t dictate how the show went as the rest of it is a far easier sit than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C

Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C-

So let me get this straight: every match is literally within a single grade of the original but the original is nearly two grades higher? Dang I was REALLY feeling generous that day. A show with an hour long match that gets a D doesn’t sound like a B+ overall to me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/28/royal-rumble-count-up-2009-the-voices-tell-me-no-one-but-orton-has-a-chance/

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