Anyone who has followed me this year should be able to figure this one out.
We’ll start with the weaker ones.
Dixie Carter going through a table. The fact that TNA showed this one a week before it took place hurt me a bit, but not as much as her back hurt after the bump broke two bones in it. The problem here is it came WAY too late and I really didn’t care by the end.
Daniel Bryan cheating on Brie. Thankfully this lasted like five days before they just pulled the plug on Claire Lynch Mach II.
Batista is a face. Seriously, that might be the biggest bomb of the year. See what I did there?
That leaves us with the thing I probably complained about more than anything else all year: the freaking Bella Twins. We had to go through MONTHS of these two running their mouths, having bad matches, the NEVER ENDING PROMOS and “I’ve never told anyone about this” before they just freaking reunited like nothing ever happened because they’re sisters. On top of that there’s Nikki trying to be all serious despite being an appetizer for most of the former big name Divas. I mean, can’t you picture Trish smiling at them and then just kicking them both in the face? These two drove me crazy all year and nothing about them worked.
Monday Night Raw – January 4, 2010: The Mediocrity Of Exection
Monday Night Raw Date: January 4, 2010
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
A few weeks back I took another look at TNA’s Monday night debut and figured I should do the same with this famous episode of Raw. Then it turned out that I never did this show in the first place so this is going to be completely fresh. This episode centers around Bret Hart returning for the first time since the Montreal Screwjob over twelve years ago, so I think the crowd might be a bit excited. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long video on Bret’s career, of course focusing on Montreal and the huge shock that he’s actually back tonight.
We waste no time as here’s Bret to open things up. Bret soaks it in for a bit before saying that a lot of people are surely wondering why he came back. He’s been trying for years but every time Vince has told him it’s not the right time. Bret is thrilled to be back to be able to talk to the WWE Universe, earning him a welcome back chant. Above all else, Bret wants to thank the people for never forgetting him. He owes every bit of his success to the fans and there are millions of memories coming back to him right here. Back in 1993 he won the first King of the Ring right here in this building…..and then Jerry Lawler jumped him.
That’s ok though, because there’s something Bret needs to take care of. Therefore, he’d like Shawn Michaels to come out here right now. Shawn comes out looking very nervous. Bret wants to bury the hatchet though and call a truce to this whole thing. Shawn sounds a bit annoyed though and has something he’s been waiting twelve years to say to Bret: he deserved what happened in Montreal. Bret disrespected him and the title so Vince did what he had to do that night.
There’s a part of Shawn that doesn’t regret it, but there’s another part of him that knows a lot has changed in the last twelve years. Shawn always respected Bret, but he wasn’t sure Bret respected him. He couldn’t stand Bret at times, but when he thinks of him, he thinks of Anaheim and the 60 minute Iron Man match that they were told no one wanted to see. But the two of them redefined this industry and gave the fans something special.
Shawn is ready to move on too and asks Bret if he’s ready. Bret thinks it’s time to end this right here in Dayton and they finally shake hands. Shawn goes to leave but comes back and hugs Bret to a nice ovation. Now Shawn leaves but Bret isn’t done yet. He wants Vince McMahon out here RIGHT NOW but there’s no boss in sight. This was an historic moment but much more symbolic than anything else.
Josh Matthews is waiting outside Vince’s office but the boss says no one calls him out. If Bret wants to have a public discussion, they can have it on his terms later tonight.
Melina has torn her ACL and has to vacate the Divas Title. Tournament time!
Divas Title Tournament First Round: Maryse vs. Brie Bella
This is before Nikki’s surgery so they’re still identical. Maryse easily shoves her into the ropes to start and poses, only to have Brie toss her down by the hair. Back up and Brie hits a running dropkick to send Maryse outside, allowing Nikki to get in a few cheap shots. Maryse runs Brie over back inside but the Bellas switch, only to have Maryse plant her with the French Kiss DDT for a fast win.
Maryse leaves when US Champion Miz comes out to say if she wins the tournament, he might call her back. She’s called this the year of Maryse but Miz declares this his decade. Maryse looks very pleased.
MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry
Winner gets a US Title shot and Miz is on commentary. We don’t see Carlito or Henry’s entrances as they come out during the break. The match is joined in progress with Henry down on the floor with Swagger suplexing Carlito for two. A belly to belly gets two on MVP with Carlito making the save.
Jack splashes Carlito in the corner but Henry comes back in to clean house. He slaps a bearhug on Carlito but Swagger makes a fast save. That’s fine with Henry who puts Swagger in a fireman’s carry rack (not all that effective) when MVP makes a save of his own. MVP sends Henry and Carlito outside, followed by the Playmaker on Swagger for the pin and the title shot.
Rating: D+. Not much to see here due to the time but they actually had a bit of a story going. MVP got the win far faster than he should have been able to but at least it wasn’t horrible while it lasted. I’m still not sure how much the Playmaker would actually hurt though as it’s basically just a swinging neckbreaker.
Jericho and Big Show have a meeting before their Tag Team Title shot. If Jericho loses, he’s off Raw but he has an idea for Bret.
After a break, Jericho comes in to see Bret and mentions learning the Walls by practicing on Bret’s brother Keith. The big idea is that Bret should be the guest referee during the title match tonight when Jericho and Big Show challenge DX. Jericho thinks Bret can get his revenge on Shawn and call the bell in a hurry but Bret wants to keep the controversy behind him. Bret: “I don’t want to be like you.” Also, he remembers Jericho screaming louder than anyone else in the Dungeon.
Hornswoggle is with HHH and it’s time to schill toys. Shawn comes in and says it’s time for their match when Santino comes in dressed as Jericho, claiming a conspiracy. HHH has Horny attack Santino before talking with Shawn about the match as the two scream in the background. DX heads off for their match with HHH whistling like a dog to get Hornswoggle to come with him. Horny leaves for a cookie.
Tag Team Titles: D-Generation X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show
DX is defending and Jericho’s job is at stake. Horny is crawling around at ringside because he’s a pest. Show tosses Shawn into the corner to start but Michaels ducks a chop and hits some of his own. HHH comes in but Show suplexes both of them with ease as we take an early break. Back with Jericho knocking HHH down and walking around a lot.
A side slam from Big Show drops HHH as well before he just walks over the Game’s stomach. Now it’s Show’s turn to walk around and waste time before it’s off to Jericho for the Hogan hand to the ear. Chris hooks a chinlock for a bit before HHH comes back with a spinebuster to put both guys down. Show comes in to break up the tag but misses a Vader Bomb. Now the hot tag brings in Shawn to hammer on Big Show, nip up a lot, then hammer on him again. He knocks Show down for the top rope elbow but Jericho crotches him down. Horny comes in to sit on Show, which thankfully has no effect.
Sweet Chin Music is countered into a chokeslam for two but Jericho comes in with the Walls, only to have Shawn kick away. The Pedigree plants Jericho but it’s Show making a save. HHH breaks up another chokeslam attempt and dropping the big man with the Pedigree, only to have Big Show roll outside. Jericho rolls up HHH for two before knocking him silly with a Codebreaker. A very delayed cover gets two but Hornswoggle comes in again, only to get kicked in the face by Jericho. The distraction lets Shawn superkick him down for the pin to retain.
Rating: B-. Good match here, especially due to having Hornswoggle get kicked in the face. Jericho losing the big one is as classic as you’re going to get with him and there was no way DX was losing the titles just a month after winning them in the first place. Jericho and Big Show were never a long term thing anyway so splitting them here is fine.
HHH says that’s bye bye for Jericho and if Chris isn’t down with that, they have two words for him. Big Show walks off, leaving Jericho to face the Goodbye Song. He would be Smackdown Champion next month.
Orton comes in to see Vince and has a business deal for him. Vince isn’t interested because of all the horrible things Orton did to his family, which he says were far worse than what Bret did in 1997. Orton’s idea: he’ll punt Bret in exchange for being #30 in the Royal Rumble. The boss isn’t interested and throws Orton out. The camera stays on Randy when he runs into Legacy. If Orton loses tonight, they’re going to throw him out and beat him up.
Mike Tyson is guest host next week.
We recap Sheamus getting himself disqualified to save his title against Cena last week.
Here’s Sheamus with something to say. He talks about beating Cena last week when everyone said he couldn’t, so his next title defense at the Royal Rumble will not be against Cena. Sheamus wants a new challenge so cue Evan Bourne who says he wants an opportunity. That’s fine with Sheamus, who says if Evan wins here, he gets a title shot at the Rumble.
Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus
Bourne hammers away to start and nails a kick from the apron, followed by Air Bourne less than a minute in. Sheamus powers him out to the floor on the kickout and catches Evan in a fall away slam. The fans chant for Cena but get a Brogue Kick to Evan’s head, setting up the High Cross (Razor’s Edge) for the pin.
We get a nice tribute to Dr. Death Steve Williams who recently passed away due to throat cancer at 49.
Same Bret video that opened the show.
Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
This is the last match in a good feud between the two and Legacy is at ringside. Kofi is in the serious black attire here. An early headlock and shoulder give Orton an early advantage but he eats an elbow to the jaw. Kofi sends him outside for a baseball slide before countering the Elevated DDT into a backdrop to put Orton outside again as we take a break.
Back with Orton holding a chinlock before stomping on the ribs for good measure. He talks a lot of trash and stands around a bit more before sending Kofi chest first into the buckle. A catapult sends Kofi throat first into the bottom rope for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Kofi finally comes back but a double cross body puts both guys down. It’s Kingston up first and winning a brief slugout to set up the Boom Drop. A high cross body gets two and the SOS is good for the same. Trouble in Paradise is mostly blocked and a quick RKO gives Orton the pin.
Rating: C+. Another decent match between them but Kofi’s big moment had already come and gone. He’s never reached this high of a level again, even though he seemed ready to burst through the ceiling to the next level. Orton absorbing the kick and RKOing him for the pin pretty much killed him dead though.
Legacy doesn’t seem to care.
Here’s Vince to call out Bret. He wishes us a happy New Year but doesn’t think he needs to call Hart out. The Montreal Screwjob is buried and he considers his issues with Bret to be the same. Vince hypes up Mike Tyson appearing next week when Bret comes out without music. The boss thinks the fans want Montreal to be forgotten, but Vince will never forget Bret spitting on him and then disrespecting him when Bret was inducted into the Hall of Fame. He’d like to hear what Bret has to say, but it better start with “I’m sorry.”
That’s not what Bret has in mind though. He’s here to bury the hatchet tonight and he’s halfway there. Bret knows Vince wants this just as much as he does, but Vince says he wants to kick Bret in the guts. He remembers Bret in the Wrestlemania II battle royal and knew that he was going to be the future then and there.
That brings him to Bret’s dad Stu, who brought a lot of people into the business. Vince wants to put Stu in the Hall of Fame and Bret likes the idea. He thanks Vince for it but Vince says it’s time to thank Bret for everything he’s done over the years. They shake hands and Vince kicks Bret low to end the show. This led to a Wrestlemania match that I still think was done well.
Overall Rating: C-. On the other hand, this show wasn’t done all that well. They knew TNA was having their big night here so the reaction seemed to be to keep things the same other than Bret. There really wasn’t anything important here aside from that, with even Cena not showing up. It’s not the worst show ever but it comes and goes with nothing else standing out.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
This was a show where I’ve needed some time to digest everything that I saw. Now everyone knew that this was a one match show coming in, but I don’t think people were expecting to see something like this. Obviously the big moment is coming at the end but there was some other interesting stuff before then. Let’s get to it.
I’m going to gloss over the pre-show matches as there’s just nothing to talk about. Fandango is somehow even less interesting than he was before and Swagger vs. Cesaro has been done to death. Neither match was any good, but they REALLY don’t need to have an hour long pre-show. That makes a show four hours, meaning the three hour Raw is now the short show. Let that sink in for a minute.
The show itself opened with the first of our filler segments. Vince, Cena and the Authority came out to reiterate the stipulations of the main event, with the added caveat that only Cena could bring the Authority back in the future. Not only did this not segment need to happen to start a pay per view, but it didn’t need to happen at all. This could have been announced later and another match could have been added in to fill some of the time. But instead we needed a fifteen minute speech because we hadn’t heard HHH and Stephanie talk enough.
The opening match was the four way tag for the titles, with the Dusts dropping the belts down to Miz/Mizdow. This whole thing was a way to get somewhere with Mizdow’s popularity, which is the only way they can go. It was a watchable match but at the same time there was too much going on to have it be anything good.
Los Matadores and the Usos were just kind of there to fill in spots and make sure we didn’t have heel vs. heel. Again the match felt like they were filling time at points, because there are only five matches on the card and what else are they supposed to do? Miz celebrating with both belts was a nice touch as you would expect.
Adam Rose and the Bunny played with toys when Slater Gator came in to set up a match later. This would be more filler.
One group of bad Divas plus Natalya beat another group of bad Divas plus Paige. This match was an absolute disaster with the moves being botches, almost no flow to the match, and everyone being all over the place. The idea was supposed to be Paige vs. the World, but she would have been better off without her partners anyway.
Ambrose and Wyatt had a good but not great brawl to set up the next match at TLC. Thankfully they announced that in advance as it would have felt like a waste of time given how obvious they were with where it’s going. The match itself wasn’t great but it was a nice shot in the arm after an hour of uninteresting stuff. The worst part of this whole thing though: Ambrose doing the Wyatt spider pose and Cole shouting “THAT’S WHAT BRAY WYATT DOES!”
I can’t stand this talking down to the audience and acting like they can’t remember anything longer than eight seconds ago. Yeah some of the fans are watching for the first time, but just let them think that Dean is being insane instead of treating the fans who have watched for more than a day like imbeciles. In other words, makes Michael Cole SHUT UP FOR ONCE!
The comedy tag match was nothing you wouldn’t see on Smackdown. The Bunny continues to get on Rose’s nerves but they need to get somewhere with it already as this isn’t getting anyone anywhere.
Roman Reigns did a nice satellite interview, saying everything he’s said in the previous ones. Apparently he’s been taking acting lessons recently and they actually seem to be paying off. He felt a lot more natural here instead of reading off a script (which he likely was).
Nikki Bella won the Divas Title from AJ in a match designed off Sheamus vs. Bryan at Wrestlemania XXVIII, complete with the kiss to AJ. In theory the Bellas are back together, making the last few months of driving me crazy TOTALLY POINTLESS. Nikki did look good though.
The main event was a nice long match which lived up to expectations, complete with a bunch of surprises. Big Show knocked Henry out in about fifteen seconds and we had the best part of the match: HHH’s emotional roller coaster. Yeah I get annoyed when he takes the better part of forever to get anywhere with his promos, but when he calms down and lets his body language do the talking, he’s incredible effective.
The match slowed down for a bit until everything broke down and a Curb Stomp into a spinwheel kick from Rusev was enough to pin Ryback. Yeah after the last few weeks of it being all about Ryback, he was out via pin in about eight minutes. That more or less ends the return push that he had going on as Ryback continues to lose the big matches. It crippled Lex Luger’s career and it’s gotten Ryback as well. Granted not being very good in the ring has hurt him too.
It slowed again with Big Show taking a long beating from everyone. Then for a change of pace, Ziggler took a long beating from everyone. It all broke down again with Rusev throwing Ziggler around on the floor, only to miss a splash through the table, resulting in a countout. They had to get rid of him somehow so it was this or a DQ. Twelve minutes passed between Ryback and Rusev’s eliminations to give you an idea of how much things slowed down. The next one was a bit faster as Rollins Curb Stomped Rowan, setting up the discus lariat from Harper for a pin just a few minutes later.
Then things got interesting as Big Show knocked Cena out, turning heel for probably the fifteenth time in his WWE career. Rollins got an easy pin and Big Show walked out, making it 3-1 with Ziggler facing Kane, Harper and Rollins. This was VERY interesting as it put the focus on Dolph instead of Cena, which is exactly what this match should have been about: making someone else into a star. Cena doesn’t need a win like this, so let someone else get a big rub.
Ziggler was basically dead at this point but kept fighting, which was exactly the story they had been setting up for the last several weeks. He took out Kane with a superkick and Zig Zag before taking one heck of a beating from Harper. Luke got frustrated when he couldn’t pin him though and Ziggler grabbed a rollup and some jeans for the pin.
This sequence was right out of the Shawn Michaels playbook and that’s as good as you can get. The key thing to Ziggler’s offense is that it can come from out of nowhere and it’s not a huge stretch for him to do this. The superkick, Zig Zag and rollup are things that you can do out of nowhere and again it played to the Ziggler Will Not Quit idea. That was just a warmup for the good stuff though.
Rollins and Ziggler had an awesome six or seven minute sequence of near falls and missed finishers, including Rollins nearly hitting a top rope Curb Stomp. Ziggler finally took over and hit a Zig Zag but the Stooges came in for the save. HHH made another save after another Zig Zag and laid out Dolph with a Pedigree. All hope was lost (including Cena, who you would think might have come out for the save, despite him seemingly being the worst teammate EVER in the buildup to this match) but instead STING debuted, laid out HHH and put Ziggler on top of Rollins (who hadn’t moved for about eight minutes) for the final pin.
So yeah, STING debuted. That was up there with Cena turning heel and the Streak being broken on the list of things that I won’t believe until I see for myself. He laid out HHH with a Death Drop (incredible selling by the Game) and gave Ziggler the pin because Sting fights against corrupt authority. This was the big moment that people are going to remember and likely sets up the big match at Wrestlemania.
The match itself was all about the drama and it knocked that out of the park. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest on those near falls and the and I had to see who was going to win in the end. They did a great job of making me guess and that’s all you’re supposed to do in something like this. Sting coming out was a great shock and the whole thing worked like a charm.
Overall, no one is going to remember anything but the main event and Sting debuting. It’s not a great or even really good show, but the main event was all it was supposed to be and a lot more. Sting debuting is one of the moments that you’re going to remember for years to come, even if it doesn’t go anywhere long term. The main event rocked the house and made you forget how horrible the rest of the show, save for Ambrose vs. Wyatt, really was. Good stuff for the most part but just fast forward past most of it.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Now that I’ve actually listened to the whole thing, here are some far more detailed thoughts. I basically just jotted down notes while listening so I’m skipping over a lot of stuff when he went into detail.
Punk talked about having offers for sponsorships but WWE said no, then gave them to Lesnar. Brock having sponsorships ties back into the UFC character. Punk having them would look like when they put Spider-Man 2 logos on the bases at ball games. It wouldn’t have worked.
Vince freaking out over UFC is ridiculous. Do “Lion’s Den”, “Brawl For All” or “Ken SHamrock” ring any bells?
Punk talked about Vince being out of touch. That’s been known for 20 years and he’s been fine.
He said Cena gets mainstream stuff that Punk doesn’t get. Could this have anything to do with Cena being the All-American boy while Punk is a loudmouth covered in tattoos?
Punk talked about fans never being happy no matter what he says. As someone with a VERY small presence online, he’s 100% right. You’re NEVER going to please everyone and that’s all there is to it.
He talked about making money off merchandise and WWE making far more. Here’s something that I’ll be saying a lot: that’s standard business.
Like here for instance: Punk thinks he’s worth X, WWE thinks he’s worth Y. Punk signed for Y and worked for Y. Now if he thinks he should get more that’s fine, but he agreed to that salary and that’s all he’s entitled to. THis will be another recurring theme.
Mentioned having a concussion and the concussion tests being bogus. If that’s true then….I’m not sure what to do about it.
I agree on wanting a three way main event at Wrestlemania XXIX. Punk vs. Undertaker for the title could have worked as well, but Rock vs. Cena II made a FORTUNE so there was something to it.
Punk says he made himself work through it but then complains about the outcomes? Yeah he wants to be the best, but there are consequences to that.
I have no issue with him wanting to be cleared by a doctor after elbow surgery when WWE cleared him anyway. It’s his body and he deserves to have that peace of mind.
The Straight Edge Society was good, not great. Big Show shouldn’t have destroyed him that fast though.
“Shouldn’t they be trying to make money with everyone?” Indeed they should.
Yes Punk beat Cena in merchandise sales and it’s impressive. Now make it last longer than a few months.
He says the Shield was his idea. Wanting to keep him, Punk wanted Hero as the third guy which I’ve heard before. Hero would have bombed in the stable.
Ryback stuff is interesting but nothing shocking really. Calling him steroid guy is interesting but he doesn’t say he saw it or anything so it’s speculation.
As for the TLC with Ryback, yeah that’s a bit nuts but again Punk probably could have shot it down (Punk had knee surgery and they were rushing him back for the TLC match then the Rock feud/rematch/Mania when he wanted time off after dropping the belt).
Wanting time off after losing the belt after holding it that long is more than reasonable. No one needed the rematch at Elimination Chamber. Saying he wasn’t going to get a rub off the Undertaker match is bogus given its history. It was better than Brock vs. HHH and about the same as Cena vs. Rock. It didn’t blow either away though. Saying he should have gone on last and saying pay him more for it being great is nonsense. He signed the contract for it and knew what he was getting paid for it.
Talking about asking questions etc., again, that’s fine but sometimes there are consequences for speaking your mind. The part timers thing still doesn’t hold up due to financial reasons. They get those spots because they’ve earned them at the box office. There are a lot of people that work a lot of dates and they’re not getting those spots. WHy shouldn’t, say, Sheamus get that spot? He works most dates but you don’t hear him complaining about part timers.
He said the casual fans are going to stop caring if he’s always losing the major show matches. As for the stock in the eyes of the casual viewer, if you only have a few chances to showcase your talents, it’s going to go up. Brock vs. Punk was Match of the Year and in matches like those, the winner is an afterthought.
Punk vs. Ryback again didn’t need to happen again after Punk vs. Lesnar. I’m with Punk on that one. He’s right on HHH vs. Axel too as that was ALL about HHH like it always was.
Punk blocking WWE on Twitter is hilarious.
He talked about no one remembering the best match at Wrestlemania because it’s all about the main event. I present Wrestlemania 24 and 25 to say that that’s nonsense.
As for Wrestlemania XXIX pay (Punk says he should have made as much as the other top names because his match was best), that’s his opinion and it’s all he’s basing it on. He also said that Wrestlemania draws instead of the stars. Wrestlemania isn’t the entirety of the draw and look at Wrestlemania XXIII and XXVIII if you want proof.
Not knowing where pay is coming from with the new Network stuff is indeed ridiculous.
The doctor not cutting the thing out of his back: again, it’s his body and if there are all those issues, he should yell about it. Or, go find a non-WWE doctor to cut it out if that’s all he needed.
Hoping to channel Foley’s run in 2000 in order to get a Wrestlemania main event slot is pretty freaking stupid. He’s done all this before but it didn’t work so why would he think it would now?
It was clear that Punk was hurt in the Rumble. He said he had a concussion, they gave him a way out, he kept going. Same problem as before.
As someone who takes pride in never taking drugs/drinking/smoking etc, I’d be glad to take whatever drug test they give me. I get that it’s not the point, but just do it and move on. That takes ten seconds. He’s right about fixing his injuries now but he put a lot of that on himself.
Big meeting with Vince/HHH: they’re above Punk, as they’re bosses. HHH does NOT need to wrestle Punk. He’s right about three years ago though. There’s one main event at Wrestlemania….most of the time.
So the WWE doctor was right about antibiotics but the wrong ones.
Firing him on wedding day…..yeah that’s lame. The no compete clause for UFC is laughable.
Finally, Punk says he’ll never have a working relationship with them again. I would point you to Bret Hart as United States Champion for WWE in 2010. Imagine that say, ten years ago.
So yeah, WWE did some stupid stuff, but at the end of the day, so many of these problems come down to Punk being hard headed and trying to get their attention with his hard work. Yeah he worked hard, but if they haven’t reacted to it yet, why in the world would he think they were going to again later?
At the end of the day, Punk sounds like Jim Cornette (and remember that he’s basically my idol in wrestling): he thinks he’s right on everything (and he is on a lot of them) but if you want to be in the big wrestling company, you have to go along with some of the corporate stuff. They all have to go along with things they don’t want to because they have thousands of stockholders to please. Much like with not being paid what he thinks he’s worth, that’s life in business.
One thing I want to emphasize: this was NOT him bashing WWE for two hours. This is him saying his version of what happened (make sure you keep that in mind. This is all from Punk’s point of view and perspective. The company has its reasons for doing things and their side should be heard as well) and voicing some of his complaints. He doesn’t rip on the talent, he doesn’t rip on the wrestling. Instead it’s him criticizing a lot of their decisions in terms that make sense.
However, all that being said, I’ll go back to the Cornette point: if you want to work for a major company and get major checks, you have to give up stuff. Punk wanted to prove he was the best at everything and he did to a degree. WWE didn’t reward him directly for that, but there was never any guarantee on their part. Assuming they paid him what they promised to in his contract, they owe him nothing from a business standpoint.
Some of the medical stuff I’ll completely go with Punk on, but if his back is that messed up, he should have gone to another doctor on his own if WWE wouldn’t do it. That’s more common sense than anything else. If WWE was pushing him too hard though, Punk should have asked for the time off. WWE gave him chances to take it off but Punk soldiered on. That’s on him.
Overall it’s a VERY interesting interview and well worth listening to in full (it’s readily available on Youtube) but don’t immediately agree with everything Punk says, because a lot of it needs to be taken with some major grains of salt. Either that or saying “Punk, that’s not how business works so quit thinking you’re more valuable than everyone else.” Punk was indeed a top star and white hot, but Cena and Rock are bigger stars no matter how you look at it. He has a point in some of the booking criticisms, but some of them come off as Punk having a swelled head. This is going to be talked about for a LONG time though and I’d heavily recommend that you listen to it yourself. It flies by.
Mt. Saint Punk Erupts
So CM Punk was on Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling podcast and went OFF on WWE, Vince, HHH and everything about them in one of the best rants you’ll ever hear. You probably should listen to it in full, but here’s the most detailed synopsis I’ve found so far. THis is a long one but totally worth the time.
No I didn’t write this myself if that’s not clear. My thoughts are at the bottom.
He says that while people have remarked time and again that he couldn’t change anything while sitting on his couch in Chicago he disagrees because it almost took him doing exactly that for meaningful change to occur. He indicates that while they may have done some things to spite him, he’s really happy that certain things happened the way they did. He doesn’t outright say that the Daniel Bryan run through WrestleMania 30 was because he left but he definitely hints at as much.
“It’s okay to be bitter about some things. That’s how you work through stuff.”
He remarks that he’s the happiest he’s been in a really long time. “I’m the f****** happiest I’ve been in I don’t know how long, at least three years, legitimately. I find these other things that have made me happy and I thought this thing that I loved, that I thought I loved, it just made me so miserable. All the time, it made me miserable. I guess the black and the white of it, when you boil it all down, the essence of it, was I was miserable, I was unhappy, f*** it! I made myself happy. I left. That’s what it boils down to. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but it was also a long time coming.”
He said there are many assumptions, like he was disgruntled with his creative direction, he was injured, he was mad about working with Triple H. “There’s an element of truth in all those things but I can’t say there was one big thing that led to my decision.” He does say that the biggest was his health.
He despises the term “pipe bomb” now because everyone refers to promos as that now.
People were calling him about sponsor money after the pipe bomb and he pitched it to Vince McMahon, who wouldn’t sign off on it. Then Brock Lesnar came in and was allowed to have sponsors on his wrestling gear.
The story behind the pitch to WWE on walking out with Chael Sonnen at a UFC show and how it would have been good business. Vince told him someone might die in a fight and there’s no way they could let him go. Vince was also apparently appalled at the idea of women fighting in the UFC.
He says the environment is “creatively toxic” and gives examples of issues like pitching something to Vince, being told “no,” and seeing John Cena doing that exact thing a week later.
For the fans who are cool fans of his and who would like to hear an explanation, he is giving it to them right now. For those who were demanding it and calling him a quitter, those people can go to hell. For that matter, just because you bought a t-shirt doesn’t entitle you to anything and you didn’t make him and WWE didn’t make him. “WWE was a f******pit stop.” He said he’s not defined by his job, and no one should be.
“That place should be the happiest place to work and they use that as some bizarre mindf***. ‘Go out there and have fun!’ It’s like ‘f*** you, this place sucks, and on top of that, you’re not f****** paying me nearly enough to do this s***.”
He brings up the WWE Network coming out and how he spent months asking questions and wasn’t told anything.
He rails on WWE for how they treat wrestlers as far as concussion protocol goes, revealing that he was working through concussions (he got one in the Royal Rumble too, and the testing for it was a joke) and a knee injury and messed up ribs. He was still in a mindset of doing what was best for “the boys” so he gutted out a lot of situations he definitely shouldn’t have.
When The Rock came back, he said he wanted to work babyface against a strong heel so Punk was given the choice to either turn heel or drop the WWE title to Daniel Bryan. He was told that if he turned heel and did the job, he would be owed one. So he made the sacrifice, one he admits wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. He does say he tried to politic his way into the main event of WrestleMania, making Rock vs. Cena into a three-way before they booked him against Undertaker.
Punk talks about WWE plans to get him a heater after WrestleMania and he reveals The Shield was his idea, believe it or not. They wanted a heel stable that would have included Punk, Big Show, Daniel Bryan, and Seth Rollins. So he pitched that they pick three guys from developmental to create the stable. They asked who he wanted and he said “Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Chris Hero.” Triple H vetoed Hero and they put Roman Reigns in that spot instead. The idea was to put The Shield with Punk but plans changed.
He says the Ryback program took years off his life because of how green he is. He also calls Ryback “steroid guy” because “I call it like I see it” and reveals that Ryback kicked him in the stomach so hard during a match it broke his ribs and he never got an apology or call about it.
“I wrestled that match with Undertaker at WrestleMania with the biggest f****** chip on my shoulder because I knew it was going to be better than Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H and The Rock vs. John Cena.” They admitted that he should have went on last and he got “so f****** mad” before demanding that they should pay him like he went on last and they didn’t.
He harps on wrestlers not taking a stand against the machine, going along with stories that don’t make any sense for anyone. He said the only people who say anything are Cena and maybe Randy Orton.
His response to being told they wanted him to do the job to Brock Lesnar was to wonder who was coming to work the next day and, of course, being told that he would but Brock wouldn’t and there wouldn’t be a rematch at the next show. So he found a way to get excited about doing what they asked, working with Chris Jericho at Payback and Lesnar at SummerSlam, thinking it would help his case for the main event of WrestleMania the next year.
He takes a shot at Triple H not putting over Curtis Axel the way he had originally said he was going to, and wanting to work with him to help elevate him. Instead, they booked him with Ryback again and once again, Ryback injured him with a guerrilla press spot where he missed the table. That’s one of the things he’s bitter about.
Confirmed: He s*** his pants during SmackDown late last year and tells the story of tweeting it and being told he couldn’t tweet that and had to take it down. Many realized and reported on Punk unfollowing the WWE Twitter account not long after. It turns out he blocked them.
He complained about the pay he received from his WrestleMania match with Undertaker on the basis that he had the best match on the card and he should have been paid equal to everyone else on the card. When he found out that wasn’t the case, he was outraged by it because “no one else on that card could have laced my boots that night”. When Cabana brings up Rock being a huge movie star and that bringing in more fans, Punk says he doesn’t care and WrestleMania is what draws at this point and no one can tell him different.
The treatment he received for a large mass on his back was laughable, with the doctor not doing much of anything about it as it grew more and more.
He went into the Royal Rumble knowing that the plan for WrestleMania was for Batista vs. Randy Orton for the title to main event and his plan was to work so hard during the match that he would change their minds.
There’s a great story of Punk telling Rusev backstage before the Rumble match that no one gives a s*** about him and he needs to forget that Punk is supposedly a big star and get in there and really make an impression.
When he was told during the match that he would be eliminated by Kane, he initially responded with the idea that he would quit if Kane even touched him because his wrestler’s mentality kicked in and he wanted to finish the match.
During the drive to Cleveland for Raw the next night, he was miserable and looked over at his future wife, AJ Lee, who he says he knew he was going to marry and just hadn’t said anything yet, and had an epiphany wondering what he was doing with his life.
At Raw the night he quit, he went in and was told he was going to have to take a drug — he calls it a “p*** test” — test and considering the new policies they put in place so wrestlers who had failed previous tests could get strikes taken off their record, he was livid that he, of all people, would have to take a pIII test. He demanded to be taken care of for his various health issues and they wanted him to sign a bunch of papers and take the p*** test. That’s when he decided he was done.
He reveals he called a meeting with Vince McMahon and Triple H initially said he would leave but Punk told him to stay. “I do not love this anymore, I’m f****** sick, I’m f****** hurt, I’m f****** confused, I don’t know as a business what we’re doing anymore, I… every day you tell me this is a team effort but every day it’s a f****** individual effort by me to find what’s necessary to even f****** come here. It’s not fun. I have zero f****** passion for this. I’m f****** concussed, I’m f****** hurt, and alls (sic) you care about is what segment I am and how soon I can f*(***** get my gear on and when I can pea in this f****** cup. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”
He said he talked openly about bringing back Batista as a babyface being a horrible idea.
When Triple H told him that Batista took the same p*** test they were asking Punk to take, Punk asked “did you” and got no response. “Look, I thought when I re-signed three years ago, Vince, I told you if I couldn’t be all that I could be you should f****** fire me, that if I was a fraud and I was anything less and fell short of the f****** mark… I sold more shirts than John Cena until I turned heel for you, and you said you owed me one.. I worked guys that were f****** dangerous and you said you owed me one. I did all these f****** things and all I wanted was the main event of WrestleMania and it’s fine if you don’t think that is me and that I’m that caliber of a f****** superstar but then you need to f****** fire me because I do not want to be here and I do not want to be anything less. I will go somewhere else and I will get more f****** over because I know I can. You have shackled me, you have creatively stifled me, you have made this a very toxic environment, I no longer want to be here.”
“It boggles my mind how Daniel Bryan has not figured into your plans to be in the main event of WrestleMania because this is his f****** year. Just like two years ago it was my f****** year and I was white f****** hot just like he is now and what did you do? You fed me to this guy.” He said Vince responded to all this by saying it was just the concussion talking and that working with Triple H was like working in the main event. Punk says he turned to Triple H and said “All due respect, I do not need to wrestle you, you need to wrestle me. I do not want to wrestle you. I seriously resent you for not putting me over three years ago when you should have. That would have been best for business but you had to f****** come in and squash it. And then I had to lose to F****** Truth and Miz. It didn’t make any business sense then, it doesn’t make any business sense now, and I am in a position now where I can tell you that I don’t have to nor do I want to wrestle you at WrestleMania. I don’t care if I was supposed to win.”
Punk reveals he was scheduled to beat Triple H at WrestleMania and he didn’t care. “I didn’t want to give him the F****** privilege. He says Triple H never liked him and while you hear stories on the dirt sheets about various things, whenever he was in a room with Triple H there were never good vibes. “The way he would always look sideways at me, the way he always treated me.” He says he thinks Triple H believes he’s a “piece of s***.”
Triple H told Punk that he had the best match at WrestleMania 29 against Undertaker and that it was the main event. Punk said they can push that way of looking at it to the fans, but the main event is the match that goes on last and that’s all there is to it.
He says the Batista vs. Randy Orton main event plan was from an old, out of touch mind and he was really, really stoked when they made the change and put Daniel Bryan in the match and gave him his moment.
When Triple H again pushed that Punk was in the main event at WrestleMania 29, Punk asked if he made the same money as those who went on after him. Again, Triple H responded with silence.
He said Vince had tears in his eyes and gave Punk a hug, one Punk reciprocated, albeit reluctantly. Then he turned to Triple H, who had extended his hand, shook it, and said “good bye” before walking out.
He brings up people saying “oh my god, he walked out on his contract” and clarifies that he’s an independent contractor and he could have walked out whenever he wanted to. Plus, he didn’t do it in the middle of a program and he didn’t hold them up. There wasn’t anything advertised for him coming up. He walked when there was nothing for him.
Vince called him a week after he walked out and asked if he was ready to come back to work. He told Vince “no” at that time.
His wife, AJ, convinced him to go to a doctor in Tampa Bay and he looked at the mass in his back. He was immediately told that he had a staph infection. He was told he needed to go to a hospital and get on an antibiotic IV drip. He wondered what they would do with less time and they cut it out, and gave him antibiotics, an experience he describes as the most painful thing he’s gone through in his life. He was given three months of antibiotics and told that after working with a staph infection for three months, he could have died.
After catching up on sleep and feeling a lot better, he got a call from Vince saying he was suspended for two months. After thinking of the timeframe, he thinks that his suspension will come up just after WrestleMania and okay, whatever. But then it came up and he didn’t hear anything. He heard from an investor call that Vince told investors he was “on a sabbatical”. It was then that he realizes he hadn’t received a royalty check.
He tells the story of finding a royalty check from WWE and calling about what he should do about it. He also asked about the royalty check he had yet to receive and is told that said check was at the desk of a lawyer. He attempted to contact said lawyer and found no success. He says he got a bunch of butt dials from various people and how he called about the royalty checks. He was given the runaround from literally everyone.
He put the royalty check issue on the backburner because he was getting married and the Blackhawks were in the playoffs and he had a lot going on in his personal life at the time, like planning his honeymoon. Triple H texted him on June 11 asking if he had time to talk. He was upset about this, and said he had a honeymoon he was about to go to after getting married in two days. He asked for his royalties and promised to talk after his honeymoon.
Punk then reveals that he was fired by WWE on his wedding day and that he believes it was a calculated move. He explains that he got a FedEx and the letter was ridiculous, saying he was in breach of contract on Jan. 27 and he was forfeiting his royalties and there was a no compete clause for UFC in it.
He said he called a lawyer before going on his honeymoon, gave him his story, and the lawyer said “great, let’s get these motherf******.” He said he can’t talk about the terms of the settlement but does reveal he “got everything I wanted, and then some.”
WWE tried to get him to sign a non-disparagement agreement and he said that he wasn’t the one who was talking, they were the ones who went out in Chicago and called him a quitter on television. He said he would only consider signing the agreement if they went to Chicago and apologized while admitting they lied, that he didn’t quit, and that they fired him on his wedding day.
He says WWE was worried that he was going to go to TNA and his lawyer told them he isn’t interested in that and he despises professional wrestling now. He also said there won’t ever be a working relationship with WWE ever again.
He said he’s happy training and being married and writing comics and just living his life now.
He says he failed at his goal of wrestling in the main event of WrestleMania but he’s come to terms with it.
My thoughts on it: First and foremost, it’s obvious that Punk’s story is only his side. I’m certainly not saying he’s lying, but you can only get so much truth out of one party’s version.
Here’s the big thing though: Punk can talk all he wants about how unfair things are and how he should have been in the main event all he wants. That’s fine. However, at the end of the day, Rock vs. Cena drew a fortune and Rock vs. Cena II drew a slightly smaller fortune. Whether Punk was hot or not, those numbers are REALLY hard to argue against. I still find his match with Undertaker very overrated though as I never bought him as a threat to the Streak, which I found Shawn and HHH (in the Cell at least) to be. Yeah it was probably the match of the night but it was nothing excellent.
As for stuff I agree with him on, we’ll start with the match against HHH in 2011. I’ve heard every possible argument about how HHH should have gone over and I don’t buy them at all. While I don’t think he would have surpassed Cena full time as the top star, I see no reason for HHH to beat him there. HHH has been a made man for years and was basically retired at that point, but he beat Punk anyway. I’m not the biggest Punk fan in the world at times but that was ridiculous. Yeah he got the long title reign out of it but, as he’s said, most of the time Cena was still in the main event (which he should have been a good deal, though not all of, the time).
As for him leaving like he did….I’m split on that. He’s right that he didn’t have anything major going on, but if he’s right about Batista vs. Orton headlining Wrestlemania (which I don’t completely buy as true), he had a legitimate complaint. It’s one thing for Lesnar or Rock or someone with a legitimate drawing record to come in and take a spot like that, but Batista isn’t a big enough star to validate that kind of power. I would have liked to see Cena vs. Punk vs. Rock at Wrestlemania XXIX, but I see why WWE went the way they did. As for XXX, as Punk said, it was Bryan’s year.
Overall he makes a ton of valid points, but a lot of it comes off like the same fanboy comments you hear all over the place. Yes he was hot, but if that doesn’t translate to business, it’s not something that can be done. That being said, I think they screwed up by having HHH beat him in 2011 and giving him the title as a consolation prize instead of as the big prize for him.
It’s very interesting stuff, but don’t immediately take it all as gospel. Also, I know he said he’ll never be back, but would you have believed that Bret Hart would not only come back in 2010 but win a title in WWE? Keep that in mind.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: November 17, 2014
I know I’m running late with this but you try putting out a book and having a bad sinus infection and see if you can write about a show featuring a grumpy cat. Anyway, this was the go home show for Survivor Series and the big question was how would the teams look going into the only match that matters on Sunday. Let’s get to it.
The show opened, naturally, with the Authority. Trips and Steph went on a rampage about WCW and how this is all they have and all that jazz. They recruited Ryback, showed him clips of Cena insulting him last year, and were told that Ryback is on his own. Somehow, this again took about twenty minutes. That’s one of the most annoying things about WWE anymore: these opening segments that you could cover in half the time. I would ask why that’s so hard, but it’s because HHH talks slower than a turtle and Stephanie goes on forever with the same bad acting over and over.
Immediately after the promo that would not die, Harper beat Ziggler to win the Intercontinental Title. This made the most sense as there’s almost no way that Ziggler can have all those matches against big names and not eventually drop the title. It’s even better that they had Rollins attack Ziggler before the match so it wasn’t even a clean loss. That’s what I’m talking about by protecting someone and they did it well with Ziggler.
Miz and Mizdow spent most of the night talking to the Grumpy Cat. Thankfully they kept this short but it was still stupid.
The Bunny cost Adam Rose another match, so the hopping enthusiast….uh…..shall we say, simulated something by thrusting his hips behind Rose. Again, it was stupid.
Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose said the same things about Dean’s father being in jail and Ambrose growing up alone. Bray can cast out the demons, so Ambrose came down and beat him up. Standard build but I’d like them to actually go somewhere with these interesting ideas.
Larry the Cable Guy is guest hosting next week due to being in the latest WWE movie that almost no one will see.
Ryback beat Cesaro in a good power match. This is the standard idea of “let’s let two guys who are really strong hit each other really hard” and as usual, it worked well.
Lana teased us with a topless photo ala Kim Kardashian which wound up being of Vladimir Putin. Heath Slater came out dressed like Apollo Creed from Rocky and got beaten up faster than I expected him too.
Big Show and Stephanie had another of their stupid arguments until Sheamus came out. Stephanie made a match between them for a shot at the World Title, but the Authority came in for the DQ. Yeah it was a DQ because they hit Sheamus first, and Heaven forbid they just hit both guys at the same time. Of course it was called a no contest because that’s the planned ending, despite whatever actually happened. The match itself was ok with Sheamus showing off his freakish strength but there might as well have been a big countdown clock until the obvious finish. Sheamus was beaten down and apparently injured.
Nikki Bella had Brie dress up as AJ for an exhibition. The real AJ’s distraction let Brie get a rollup pin while looking better than she usually does.
Cena gave Ryback a pep talk to try and get him to join.
The four teams in Sunday’s fourway had a bad eight man tag. This was exactly what it sounds like.
The big closing segment was Cena confronting Team Authority for a contract signing. Cena signed and then talked about how he’s going to take out every single member in a row. This went on WAY too long until Big Show and Ziggler came out to fight with him. Erick Rowan of all people came out to back them up and Cena was fine with it.
I can live with this as while Rowan was in a war with Cena earlier this year, Cena is going to take whoever he can get at this point. It’s a stretch but it worked. Cesaro came out as well but sided with the Authority in a nice bit of trolling. Ryback came out as the real fifth man and Team Cena dominated to end the show.
Overall, again, Raw was all about a single idea. It’s annoying but it’s all they’re focusing on for Sunday. I’m so sick of hearing about this match though and Sunday can’t get here soon enough. Ryback being the focus is interesting, but I have little confidence in WWE to actually pull the trigger on him in any way.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
It’s time for this months pa…..you don’t actually have to pay for this, unless you pay for the Network every month. However, this is as one note of a show as you can find as the entire show is about Team Cena vs. Team Authority and the rest is barely mentioned. Even after Raw there were only four matches announced with a bonus being added later in the week. This show is going to be all about the main event which is usually a bad idea. Let’s get to it.
We’ll start with the preshow with the new and improved Fandango facing someone to be announced. I have a feeling this is a way to have a big name return against him and beat him, which would be more entertaining. Fandango stopped meaning anything after he didn’t win the Intercontinental Title so I don’t see this meaning anything.
I’ll go in reverse order this time so you might have a reason to keep reading.
Miz and Mizdow need the titles at this point as there’s no reason to not capitalize on Mizdow any longer. He has a short shelf life so giving him a Tag Team Title is about as good as you can ask for from him.
The Bellas get the Divas Title because it’s been a whole month since this stupid personal servant thing started and about three weeks since it meant anything. The sisters seem totally fine with each other anymore and I think we’re setting up a Bellas reunion as a season finale of Total Divas, making the last few months completely pointless. AJ doesn’t need the belt anymore, though to be fair I don’t need the Bellas anymore in general.
Paige, Cameron, Layla and Summer to win the elimination tag in a match that means even less than it seems to.
Bray vs. Dean is one of those matches where it’s a coin flip. Bray needs the win to rebuild himself and Dean has basically been thrown in a freezer since the Cell. The story is good but they need to actually go somewhere with it instead of just saying vague things about Ambrose’s dad causing him all this emotional damage. I can’t imagine this has a clean finish and I’d assume we’re seeing a gimmicky match next month.
That brings us to the main event, which is more along the lines of what kind of swerves we get. The possibilities range from someone turning on Cena to HHH offering immunity to a member of Team Cena to HHH having to step into the match himself and probably a lot more than that. I still think Orton returns and completes his face turn, likely setting up a showdown with Rollins, perhaps for the briefcase and then a feud with Lesnar. Or maybe I’m just wishful.
As for the match itself, I can’t imagine it winds up with anyone but Cena at the end, triumphing over the Authority and winning the day. While this could be a great chance to give someone else a rub, it doesn’t seem like that’s something that’s likely to happen. Rusev isn’t going to get pinned and odds are Ziggler or Rowan pins Harper to set up a match for the title later on. At the end though, it’s probably Cena pinning either HHH or Rollins to free the company from the Authority.
As for the big name rumored to make an appearance, as I’ve said millions of times, I’ll believe it when I see it. If he shows up here to plug the game and that’s the last we see of him, it’s like Dolph Ziggler’s 45 minute title reign a few years back: yeah it happened, but it’s a cheap way to check something off a list.
Overall Survivor Series really isn’t doing it for me, though the main event should be fun. There’s almost bound to be something extra added to the card, with Rose vs. the Bunny as a possibility. Of course they could add a third elimination tag without too much effort, but I can’t imagine they’ll actually do that at SURVIVOR SERIES.
Smackdown – November 21, 2014: I’m Sick Of This Match
Smackdown Date: November 21, 2014
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
It’s the final show before Survivor Series and we’re all the way up to five matches for Sunday. With the addition of the always treasured Divas elimination match, the card….is pretty much exactly the same as it was on Monday. There’s a major change to Sunday’s main event announced though so things aren’t all finalized. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Authority forming their team and decimating Team Cena. This turns into a music video like you would see on a pay per view.
Cole brings out HHH to open the show. We recap Sunday’s main event in case the video you saw two minutes ago didn’t get the message across. HHH basically tells Cole to shut up but Cole goes into a list of various sports teams winning that would be similar to Team Cena winning on Sunday. The boss sucks up to the fans before saying their opinions are worthless.
Cole asks if this is all about the Authority’s egos but HHH goes into a rant about his legacy and how he became a huge star in the Attitude Era and lists his name alongside Hart, Austin and Rock. Now some people could argue that some of them were bigger stars than him or that that they were more popular, but he’s the only one still around. He’s still here because he’s always been smarter than all of them, just like Vince.
HHH talks about how brilliant Vince was and how he’s been the constant in WWE all these years. There are only two people that can follow Vince’s footsteps: the Authority. Without them, this place has two years max. Without them, the WWE has no future. HHH brings up Cole’s sitdown interview from earlier in the week with John Cena but he’d like Team Cena to come out and see it for themselves.
The clip is Cole asking Cena if he’s responsible for what happens to his teammates at Survivor Series. Cena says he’s asking his teammates to put their livelihood on the line. If they lose, the Authority will be all over them and that’s something they have to risk. He doesn’t actually answer the question though. Back in the arena, HHH says that when Team Cena loses on Sunday, they’re all fired. Well other than Cena of course because he’s good for business. Team Cena is all stunned as Rusev and Lana come out for the first match.
Rusev vs. Dolph Ziggler
Non-title. Rusev quickly knocks Ziggler out to the floor but Dolph comes back in and hammers away. That’s fine with Rusev who throws Dolph into the corner and stomps Ziggler down, only to eat a dropkick. Another dropkick puts Rusev on the floor but he whips Ziggler hard into the steps as we take a break. Back with Dolph fighting out of a chinlock and avoiding a charge in the corner.
Rusev’s powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip for two before a superkick gets the same for Ziggler. JBL talks about how he’d turn on Cena to keep his job as Rusev throws Dolph out of the corner to take over again. Ziggler escapes the Accolade and nails a quick Zig Zag for a delayed two. Back up and Rusev avoids the Fameasser before the jumping superkick ends Dolph at 10:18.
Rating: C+. This was about what I expected. At least Ziggler has lost the title so the belt isn’t hurt by another loss and Rusev gets to rack up another big win. That superkick as a finisher is going to work better for him as he rises up the card as some guys just aren’t going to lose to a submission hold no matter what.
Rusev Accolades him for good measure.
Kane is on the phone when an unseen someone comes in for a talk.
Kofi Kingston’s New Day video.
After a break, Cesaro is in the back with Kane. Cesaro may not be an official member of Team Authority but his loyalty will be rewarded after Sunday. Kane needs one more thing from Cesaro though: slaughter Erick Rowan.
Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores
The Dusts and Usos are on commentary to give us a seven man booth. Miz works on Diego’s arm to start but gets chopped to the ropes. We get a criss cross until Fernando knocks Mizdow off the apron, only to eat a forearm from Miz. The Reality Check is countered but Mizdow tags himself in and hits it with ease. That’s too much for Miz who tags himself in and has the Finale countered. The masked men send them outside and Miz is thrown onto the Usos. Of course Mizdow launches himself onto the Dusts, leaving Diego to hit a high cross body on Miz for the pin at 2:40.
Here’s Dean Ambrose to talk about his survival kit for Bray Wyatt. Dean talks about having a screw loose and how he isn’t going to change for anyone. When he was a kid, his mom gave him a $20 bill to go buy her cigarettes and lottery tickets. He ran into some older guys who beat him up and robbed him.
Dean went home and told his mom what happened, so she gave him a pair of brass knuckles. They were his survival kit back then but now his survival kit is every single part of his body. On Sunday, Dean is going to use every part of his body to send Bray running back to the woods. Now he’s the hunter and Wyatt is the prey. On Sunday, he’s going to be put down.
Wyatt pops up on screen from inside a prison cell. He asks Dean if this is how he remembers his father, locked inside a cage like an animal. Maybe Bray reminds Dean of his father right now. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so this is Dean’s future: being trapped inside a prison of his own design, begging for freedom that he’ll never receive. It doesn’t have to be like this though. Dean is trapped inside a cell full of filth and it’s never going to end.
AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella
Non-title and AJ is dressed as Nikki, complete with strategic stuffing. Brie takes her down to start but AJ uses her enlarged hips to take over. Back up and Brie sends her face first into the buckle a few times before AJ does the same to her. Some right hands have Brie in trouble and it turns into catfight mode until Brie counters into a half crab.
AJ grabs the ropes and slaps on a guillotine choke. That goes nowhere so Brie dropkicks her down and hits a running knee against the ropes. A missile dropkick gets two on AJ but Nikki gets on the apron. AJ rams them together for the pin on Brie at 3:23. You could see that one coming a mile away.
Rating: D. This would be the second match in a row where the story was about someone dressing up as someone else in the match. Aside from that though, what happened to the whole personal servant thing between the Bellas? They seem to be fine here and Brie has a reason to fight AJ after AJ beat her up on Monday, so Nikki really didn’t need to be there. I’m actually not clear on who I’m supposed to cheer or boo in this feud and I have a bad feeling we’re just getting a Bellas reunion out of it, three months after they first split. It would make for quite the Total Divas season finale though right?
Video on Sheamus’ injury.
Erick Rowan vs. Cesaro
Cesaro slaps the mask off his face but Rowan easily knocks him outside. Back in and Cesaro scores with a running dropkick, only to get caught in a bearhug. Cesaro snaps Rowan’s throat over the top rope and grabs a sleeper. That goes nowhere so he heads to the top, only to be slammed down. A pumphandle backbreaker and torture rack make Cesaro tap at 2:40. This was just a step above a squash.
Harper comes out to stare down Rowan post match but leaves before any contact.
Big E.’s New Day promo.
Team Cena, minus the captain and with Rowan playing with a Rubik’s Cube, talks about how everything is on the line on Sunday. HHH’s tactics didn’t have the intended effect because it just fires them up more. Ryback says actions have consequences and his job being on the line just makes him hungrier. Tonight, he and Big Show are feeding on Kane and Rollins. Ziggler talks about the Authority costing him the Intercontinental Title, which he shared with the entire WWE Universe. He has nothing left to lose so he has nothing to fear. They can put the Authority out of power and he isn’t backing down now. Rowan: “Freedom.”
Seth Rollins/Kane vs. Ryback/Big Show
Ziggler and Rowan are banned from ringside. Ryback drives Rollins into the corner to start and Seth bails to the floor. Back in and Rollins hammers away but Ryback takes him down with a Thesz press. Off to Big Show for the loud chop in the corner before Ryback no sells Seth’s chops. He shoves Rollins into the corner and calls him stupid before planing Seth with a powerslam.
Kane gets knocked off the apron and Seth gets backdropped…..next to him as Kane completely missed catching him. That one might be worthy of an ice pack. Cue HHH and the rest of Team Authority as we take a break. Back with Show slamming Kane for two but ducking his head and taking a running DDT. Off to Rollins for some running kicks to the face for two. Kane gets the same off an elbow drop and we hit the chinlock. Show powers out of it and makes the hot tag so Ryback can clean house, only to have Team Authority come in for the DQ at 10:25.
Rating: C. This was your standard main event tag and it was fairly obvious that we were getting a run-in finish. It’s a good sign that the fans were into Ryback but there wasn’t much interest outside of him. Granted the fact that two of the others were Big Show and Kane probably had something to do with it.
The Authority beats down Ryback and Show until Ziggler comes out for a failed save. Rowan comes out as well to take down Rusev and Henry before going inside for the showdown with Harper. That goes nowhere though as Kane chokeslams Rowan, only to have Ryback and Ziggler get back in it. Henry and Rusev are back up as well though and the Authority’s advantage takes over. Big Show does his war cry to alert the Authority that he’s coming. The Stooges get chokeslammed but HHH comes in with a chair to take down the giant. All of Team Cena takes chair shots and Ryback takes a Pedigree to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty standard go home show when the entire pay per view is about one match. They aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they don’t care about anything else on the card and it’s been old for weeks. I’m so sick of hearing about the match that even if it’s good, which it likely could be, I’m so burned out on that I’m not going to care as much as I should. Thankfully some of the other matches on Sunday (as in the four others) got some hype save for the Divas elimination match, but that might not have been announced when this show was taped.
Results
Rusev b. Dolph Ziggler – Superkick
Los Matadores b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – High cross body to Miz
AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Erick Rowan b. Cesaro – Torture rack
Big Show/Ryback b. Seth Rollins/Kane via DQ when Team Authority interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Today we’re looking at a real American: the Patriot.
The Patriot, played by Del Wilkes, got his start in the AWA as the Trooper, a police officer. Here he is at some point in 1990 on AWA Championship Wrestling on ESPN.
Trooper vs. Kent Carlson
There’s a masked man sitting in the audience. Trooper hammers away with left hands out of the corner to start before slapping Carlson across the ring. A left hand to the ribs drops Carlson again and a belly to back suplex gets two. Trooper plants him with an Alabama Slam and a bad looking dropkick puts Kent down again. The Big Pinch, a nerve hold, makes Carlson submit. Total squash.
Next up was the Dallas based Global Wrestling Federation. From some point around 1991 under his better known name.
Tom Davis vs. The Patriot
Davis takes him into the corner to start as Scotty Anthony (later known as Raven) comes to commentary to say the masked Patriot is a Russian spy named Vladimir. A rollup sends Davis to the apron and Patriot works on the arm. Anthony praises Joseph McCarthy as the last real patriot in America. Patriot takes him down with a headlock as Anthony needs quiet from the audience to do commentary.
Tom bails to talk with his brother Mike before getting caught in a headlock back inside. Davis snapmares him down and gets two off a legdrop as Anthony thinks Davis writes Garfield. Anthony: “A win over the Patriot would be a feather in his cap, if in fact he had a cap on.” The full nelson slam plants Davis and the Patriot Missile (top rope shoulder) is good for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see but the commentary was hilarious. Raven is one of the funniest guys in wrestling and can crack me up almost every time he’s given the chance. Patriot was good for a spot like this but he was ready to move up to a bigger role soon after this.
Patriot would jump to WCW in early 1994, including this match on Saturday Night, March 20, 1994.
Lord Steven Regal vs. The Patriot
Regal’s TV Title isn’t on the line here. They circle around for well over a minute to start with Patriot getting the crowd behind him. Patriot takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar for early control. Regal fires off a European uppercut as Bischoff and Ventura have a bet over who is going to throw a punch first.
Patriot hooks a short arm scissors but Regal uses some nice technical stuff to fight up into an armbar. More uppercuts stagger Patriot and Regal cranks on an armbar of his own. Back up and the arm gets wrapped around the top rope but Patriot sends him face first into the buckle. Patriot throws the first punch and Jesse wins the bet. Regal gets caught in a quick Boston crab but Regal’s manager Sir William comes in for the DQ.
Rating: C. The ending hurts this as it needed another five minutes to keep going. The arm stuff worked here as we had a nice back and forth technical match instead of just doing the usual style that didn’t go anywhere. Regal can make that style work very well and Patriot was hanging with him while the match lasted.
Patriot would join forces with Marcus Bagwell in the team Stars N Stripes. Here they are challenging for the titles at Fall Brawl 1994.
Tag Titles: Pretty Wonderful vs. Stars N Stripes
We see Barry Darsow AGAIN but this time he’s being thrown out. Seriously, Paul Orndorff and Paul Roma are the tag champions and it’s 1994. Let that sink in for a bit. Bagwell shakes hands with Penzer. I kind of like that for some reason. It’s nice if nothing else. What the heck happened to this kid? He became the biggest dick I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen my share of big dicks. Oh just leave it alone.
The Patriot apparently changed houses between this and Halloween Havoc as he’s billed as from DC here and South Carolina next time. Roma and Orndorff are reminding me of Billy and Chuck. They actually call the previous sham a match. I’ve heard it all now. Other than Admin KB, but I think that could come this year. Stars N Stripes beat the champions in a non title match to set this up. They make fun of the WWF and say these are wrestlers and not bodybuilders.
Keep in mind that Bagwell would become Buff Bagwell in a few years and Orndorff was Mr. Wonderful for his muscles. And yeah you guessed it, the match sucks. Nothing at all of note goes on here as it’s just four guys with no heat having a tag team match. Thankfully it’s shorter than their rematch next month.
Yes, Orndorff and Roma got to fight on PPV again, but as challengers where they won the belts again. Anyway, this is just boring as all goodness . Orndorff dumps a cooler with soda and ice onto Bagwell for no apparent reason and miscommunication between the faces ends this.
Rating: D+. Now remember, Regal and Austin lost their titles tonight, but Roma and Orndorff keep theirs. Let that sink in a bit. To further the pure stupidity of this company, these teams fought again SIX DAYS LATER and the faces won the belts, which they held until October, only to lose them back to Paul and Paul, before Stars N Stripes won them AGAIN, before losing them to Harlem Heat for their first reign. Did Orndorff save Hogan from drowning in cocaine or something once?
The team would win the belts on TV soon after this and defended them at Halloween Havoc 1994.
Tag Titles: Stars N Stripes vs. Pretty Wonderful
Pretty Wonderful are the former champions here as Stars N Stripes beat them about a month earlier. Good night do those teams sound generic. Pretty Wonderful is made up of Pretty Paul Roma and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Stars N Stripes are Bagwell and the Patriot. I really am not looking forward to this. This just sounds like a bad match on an indy show or something like that.
Heenan suggests that the Patriot is Al Gore. Something tells me that Bobby is going to be all that gets me through this match and show. Bagwell was a five time champion with four different partners. That either says he’s a great tag wrestler or he has no direction so they kept throwing him in random tag teams because he had a big contract and they had nothing else to do with him.
You can tell the announcers are just bored to death as they’re arguing over what a tag is and then there’s something about Dennis Rodman. This is just BORING. They actually say this is the last night Hogan will face Flair. That’s just hilarious. They wrestled 15 years later and likely will in TNA also. They discuss the Lions’ Super Bowl chances. This is just amusing. Nothing at all is going on in the match.
They say that Tiger Stadium and Yankee Stadium are the last great ballparks. The real last great ballparks are the ones still in use today: Fenway and Wrigley. Heenan says that once all of the matches are over, no one is going to take a shower because they’ll all be watching the cage match.
Ok, number one, why does Heenan know the showering habits of the wrestlers and why would no one take a shower after their match when they have about an hour and a half before the main event? How clean do they like to get? The fans are more or less dead for this by the way. Bagwell hits the suplex and Wonderful hits an elbow on him to get the titles. This was somehow worse than the previous match.
Rating: D-. I have never cared less about a match than I did here. I’ve always thought Bagwell was hot and there’s a former Horseman in there though so it’s not a failure. The announcers were bored too as this was just bland as all goodness. The match didn’t work, but the tag division around this time was a disaster anyway.
One last match at Clash XXIX.
Tag Team Titles: Stars and Stripes vs. Pretty Wonderful
This is Pretty Wonderful’s titles vs. the Patriot’s mask. The teams have traded the titles over the last few months with Pretty Wonderful starting as champions but losing the belts to Stars and Stripes before taking them back a month later. Orndorff and Bagwell get things going and it’s quickly off to Roma as the champions gain an early advantage. Roma jumps over Marcus twice in the corner and hits a quick cross body for two but Bagwell comes back with a dropkick and the challengers clean house.
Back in and it’s off to Patriot vs. Orndorff and both guys miss elbow drops before trading hammerlocks on the mat. Patriot takes control on the mat for a bit but Orndorff buries a knee in the ribs to give the champions the advantage. Roma comes back in for three straight backbreakers followed by a top rope fist to the face and a near fall. Back up and Patriot scores with an atomic drop and a second for good measure. A Thesz Press gets two and it’s off to Bagwell for some arm work.
Marcus dives at Roma but gets dropped over the top with the camera missing most of whatever happened. Orndorff goes outside for some knees to the ribs and it’s back inside for some right hands to the face. Roma comes back in for a nice dropkick and a powerslam but he poses instead of covering. Back to Orndorff who gets caught in a backslide by Marcus for two and a sunset flip for the same. Everything breaks down and the champions load up their suplex/top rope splash combo, but Patriot shoves Roma off the top and Bagwell counters the suplex into a pin for the titles out of nowhere.
Rating: C. It’s not a great match but the fans loved the ending and there’s nothing wrong with having the fans explode to open a show. Stars and Stripes were another young team who didn’t last long but were easy to cheer for and had decent enough matches to validate the push.
Here’s another title shot at Clash XXX.
Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Stars and Stripes
Harlem Heat won the belts earlier in the month and this is the rematch. We have no Stars and Stripes to start but we do get Nature Boy Ric Flair with two very nice looking women. He walks by Vader with no incident and goes to his seat. Booker and Bagwell get things going with Marcus stomping him down in the corner but running into a boot in the corner. He comes right back with a dropkick for both champions as Stars and Stripes stands tall.
It’s off to Patriot for a double backdrop on Booker for two. He cranks on Booker’s arm as the fans chant USA. Stevie comes in but walks into a wristlock from Patriot before it’s back to Bagwell for the same hold. A knee to the ribs stops Marcus cold and the champions take over. The advantage only lasts for a few seconds though as it’s quickly back to Patriot for more arm work. A belly to belly gets two on Booker but Stevie saves his brother from a monkey flip.
Back to Stevie for some heavy stomping and he draws in Patriot so Booker can choke from the apron. A running forearm gets two for Booker and it’s off to the chinlock. Marcus fights up but both guys try cross bodies to put him right back down. Sherri gets up on the apron for a distraction so Bagwell’s tag to the Patriot doesn’t count. She takes her shoe off but accidentally hits Booker by mistake. Bagwell rolls him up for two but Stevie kicks Marcus in the face to give Booker the pin to retain.
Rating: C. It’s not bad and more entertaining than the other matches tonight. They let the match have a little more time and things got better as a result which is usually the case. Harlem Heat was getting much better and this more or less ended Stars and Stripes as a team. Good enough to get by.
After a few years in All Japan, Patriot would be signed by the WWF. Here’s one of his first matches on Raw, July 28, 1997.
Bret Hart vs. The Patriot
Bret is all evil and Canadian here and Shawn is on commentary. We can’t start immediately though as Bret insists on O Canada being played. That’s not cool with Patriot who wants to hear the Star Spangled Banner. Like a true villain though, Bret jumps him during the song and we’re ready to go. The song is still going as Bret hammers away before choking on the ropes. Hart stomps away in the corner as Shawn says he stands for truth, justice and the American way. Patriot fights back with a big right hand and they fight outside with Patriot in control.
Back in and the Patriot Missile connects for two and we take a break. We come back with Bret suplexing Patriot down as we see him putting the Figure Four on around the pole during the break. A backbreaker sets up the middle rope elbow but Patriot fights back in the corner. He loads up Uncle Slam (full nelson slam) but the referee gets bumped. Bret nails a piledriver but there’s no referee. Shawn trips Bret up though and the distraction lets Patriot grab the longest rollup in history for the pin.
Rating: C+. This was a natural matchup during the Border War with Patriot being the Kurt Angle of his day, minus the whole Olympic Gold Medal part of course. Bret and Shawn would have their issues until the end of time, including six days after this with Shawn refereeing Bret’s WWF Title match at Summerslam.
That win alone was enough to give Patriot a title shot at In Your House XVII.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. The Patriot
Patriot comes out to what would become Kurt Angle’s theme song. Bret jumps him to start before tying Patriot up in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the ribs. The fans chant USA to tick Bret off even more so he rakes Patriot’s eyes through the mask. The left handed Patriot comes back with a clothesline and a nice dropkick before clotheslining the champion out to the floor. Bret takes his sweet time on the floor before heading back inside to hide in the corner.
Some nice armdrags put Bret down as the pace picks up a good bit. We hit the armbar Patriot sends Bret’s shoulder into the buckle before slapping on the armbar again. Hart finally makes it to the corner to break up the hold but Patriot wraps the weak arm around the ropes again. Bret comes back with some kicks to the ribs before focusing in on the knee. He cannonballs down onto the knee a few times before just punching the side of Patriot’s leg.
Patriot limps around the ring while holding the top rope but Bret kicks his knee out again to take him down. There’s a spinning toehold of all things from the champion before he locks on the Figure Four around the post. Back in and Patriot fights up as British Bulldog makes his way out to ringside. Bret takes Patriot down with a Russian legsweep and the fans chant for Austin. Patriot comes back with a kick to the side of Bret’s head and gets two off a sunset flip.
The challenger starts coming back with a left hand to the ribs and a legdrop but Bulldog’s distraction lets Bret take over again. Bret accidentally hits the Bulldog, allowing Patriot to get a rollup for two and a BIG pop from the crowd. The Uncle Slam (a full nelson slam) gets two for Patriot but Bulldog makes the save. Patriot goes after Bulldog and here’s Vader to help deal with the Englishman. Bret and Vader get in a fight but the match continues.
Vader and Bulldog are taken to the back and Patriot goes up top for his Patriot Missile (top rope shoulder) but Bret gets up at two. There was nowhere near as much of a reaction for that count as the previous ones. A suplex gets two more on Bret but he grabs a quick Stun Gun to put Patriot down again. The bulldog and middle rope elbow get two for Bret but Patriot slugs away at him in the corner.
The referee gets hit in the face with an elbow and as luck would have it, Patriot hits the Uncle Slam again just a few seconds later. It’s only good for two when the referee wakes up but it’s too late. A double clothesline puts both guys down but it’s Patriot up first, sending Bret chest first into the buckle. With nothing left to try, Patriot puts Bret in the Sharpshooter but Bret counters into one of his own and Patriot gives up, despite being about a foot from the rope.
Rating: B. The match worked well but the ending hurt it a good bit. Patriot is fighting for America and all that jazz, but he gives up instead of crawling another ten inches? The match took awhile to get going but once we got to the interference and all that jazz, things picked up a good bit.
Here’s Patriot on Raw, September 8, 1997.
Patriot vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. British Bulldog
Shawn and HHH jump the Bulldog on his way to the ring. They ram his knee into the ramp and crush it with a chair to set up the match at One Night Only. Back from a break and Savio has jumped into the match and is replacing Bulldog I guess. This is back when the match wasn’t a total cliché that was required at least once a month. HHH gets double teamed and elbowed down but the alliance ends quickly with Patriot clotheslining HHH down and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.
Savio gets knocked to the floor and HHH drops a knee on Patriot for two. HHH pounds away on Patriot’s head but Savio comes gets jealous and pounds away on Patriot instead. I’ve never understood the logic behind that: why not let HHH expend energy and then jump him later on? Shawn comes out for commentary as we take a break.
Back with Savio hitting a spinwheel kick in the corner on HHH, followed by a DDT from Patriot on the future Game for two. Patriot and Savio take turns beating on HHH but neither guy can get more than a one. Patriot suplexes Savio down but HHH breaks it up before there’s even a cover. Savio tries a sunset flip on HHH and after Patriot breaks up HHH’s hold on the ropes, it gets two.
The fans are booing something here and to be fair, it’s probably the match as it’s not working at all for the most part. Shawn is ripping Vince apart on commentary because of how stupid Vince sounds. Savio kicks HHH’s head off, making Shawn speak Spanish. Savio puts a headscissors on HHH and Patriot puts a headscissors on Savio at the same time as we take a break.
Back with Patriot chopping away on Savio and vice versa. HHH breaks up a cover on Savio and the booing gets louder. Patriot and HHH literally stand still and choke each other as a LOUD boring chant breaks out. Vince complains about Shawn’s change of attitude. Shawn: “Well it was you that told me to change.”
The Pedigree is countered and Savio lands on the referee. HHH throws Patriot to the floor and loads up a Pedigree on Savio, only to be catapulted into Patriot, crotching the guy that comes out to Kurt Angle’s music (Patriot if you’re kind of slow). Savio kicks HHH’s head off but Shawn distracts him before the cover. HHH rams Savio into the Patriot and rolls up Vega for the pin.
Rating: D-. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? They should be made to sit and watch this match over and over again until they scream for mercy. I mean DANG this didn’t work at all. Someone thought giving this SEVENTEEN MINUTES was a good idea. Savio comes completely out of nowhere (he had been feuding with the original Nation of Domination) and jumps in the match, which makes absolutely no sense. Taking Bulldog out was a problem as at least he would have given us three distinct groups (Harts, Anti-Harts, future DX) in the match, but instead it was a total mess and VERY dull. Terrible main event.
Maybe he’ll have better luck in England. From One Night Only.
Flash Funk vs. The Patriot
Flash Funk is more commonly known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a pimp without the name of being one. Patriot showed up a few weeks before this and somehow had a title shot at the previous PPV which went nowhere. Naturally he “came within an eyelash” but that didn’t mean anything after that show.
Patriot has Angle’s old music which it’s just odd to hear in 1997. He’s more or less a heel here since he comes out with the American flag. Patriot says he wears a mask because he represents the face of every American. I don’t know that many men that have golden skin like that. Flash is wearing a freaking zoot suit. This isn’t as good of a match as it could be but it’s ok I guess.
It’s about as generic as you could get but that’s fine. Vince calls Flash the Funkmeister. I’m done. Patriot was just annoying at this point. He wasn’t that good at all but was built up to be this great worker which he just wasn’t at all. They keep saying the reason they’re not being all violent and such is because they don’t hate each other. That’s better than nothing I guess.
If nothing else this should tell you everything you need to know about Patriot: his finishers are a full nelson slam called the Uncle Slam and a top rope shoulder block called the Patriot Missile. Funk’s finisher is called the Funky Flash Splash. A full nelson slam ends this. That was a waste of time.
Rating: C-. Again, this was just there. It wasn’t particularly good or bad, but Patriot got some decent heat which is really all you can ask for. Funk went for a big move from the top and it missed for the Uncle Slam. That’s better than nothing I guess. It could have been a lot worse I guess, but this just wasn’t the best choice of a pairing.
We’ll wrap it up at In Your House XVIII with a flag match.
Bret Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/The Patriot
This is a flag match and you can win by pinfall, submission, or capturing your country’s flag from the poles in the corners. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with everyone fighting on the floor. Vader pounds on Bret with a Canadian flag pole but Bret sends him into the steps. Now it’s Bret hitting Vader with the pole as Bulldog does the same to Patriot in the aisle. We’re still waiting for an opening bell. They change positions and the Foundation members are both down.
We finally get a bell as the Americans are alone in the ring. Why they don’t go up for the flag is anyone’s guess but everyone stands around instead of doing anything. Patriot finally goes up for it but gets pulled down by Bulldog. A snap suplex puts Bulldog down but Bret distracts Patriot from climbing. Vader comes in and runs Bulldog over before it’s off to Bret for the first time. Hart tries to slug it out and is easily punched down into the corner for his efforts.
Bret avoids a charge into the corner and takes Vader down with a Russian legsweep. Vader easily breaks up an attempt at climbing with a low blow before sitting on Bret’s chest for two. Back to Patriot vs. Bulldog with the masked man mostly missing a dropkick for two on Davey. Patriot goes for the flag very slowly and Bret breaks it up again. Vader does the same to the Bulldog as things slow down. Bret sends Patriot’s shoulder into the post and puts on the Figure Four around the same post for good measure.
Back in and Bret drops a headbutt to the abdomen before putting on the Sharpshooter, but Patriot easily reverses into one of his own. That’s broken up just as easily until all four go into the same corner. Bulldog throws Patriot off and the match slows back down again. Patriot kicks Smith away and finally makes the tag off to Vader to almost no reaction. Bulldog scores with a quick belly to back suplex but Vader runs him over and drops a splash for two.
Vader can’t get to the flag either as Bulldog pulls him back down and we hit the chinlock. Back to Bret for a Sharpshooter but Vader is right next to the ropes. Patriot comes in without a tag to break up the hold anyway and Vader takes over. Now it’s a Sharpshooter from Vader to Bret as the fans are trying to get into the match. Bulldog breaks up the Sharpshooter so it’s Patriot in again with a Figure Four. Smith breaks it up again and comes in for the delayed vertical suplex. Patriot is knocked down again while trying to climb so it’s back to Bret.
Hart drops some knees and elbows but Vader easily stops him from getting the flag. Now it’s back to Vader vs. Bulldog but the masked man misses his moonsault, only to LAND ON HIS FEET. That’s INSANE. Anyway he pounds Bulldog down into the corner but Bret stops an attempt at the flag. Instead Vader clotheslines Bulldog to the floor but gets nailed in the head with the bell.
They head inside again where Bret easily slams Vader and drops a few legs. Vader fights up and clotheslines both Foundation members down, allowing for a lukewarm at best tag to Patriot. House is cleaned and the Uncle Slam gets two on Bret. A fan comes in and is easily taken out by security. The Vader Bomb crushes Bret but Vader isn’t legal, so Bret gets a quick rollup on Patriot for the pin.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t a horrible match but again it just went on WAY too long. This was nearly half an hour long and could have easily been done in about twelve minutes. The flags weren’t a factor at all as none of the attempts to get them even came close. It would also be the last major appearance of Patriot who tore his triceps a few weeks later and retired as a result.
Patriot is a guy that fills in a very logical role. He looks great, he has an easy character and he can have a decent match. It’s a shame that he tore his triceps and was released less than a year into his WWF run. Patriot was a good hand in the ring and could have been something better in a different era of the WWF. With Austin rising up the card though and DX soon to turn face, there just wasn’t room for him though.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Survivor Series Count-Up – 2009: Night of the Triple Threats
Survivor Series 2009 Date: November 22, 2009
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker
Tonight is a show based around the match that I’m sure you all know I love: THE TRIPLE THREAT! I mean, it’s not like you EVER see a triple threat and that it’s the most overdone gimmick match of all time which might as well be considered a regular match like a singles or tag match anymore and that you can barely go two PPVs without seeing one and that it follows the same formula in every single one of them! In case you’re stupid, I hate triple threats and both world titles are being defended in triple threats against a tag team. Let’s get to it.
We get clips from every Survivor Series for the opening video. They’re obsessed with the history of this show. Apparently the Survivor Series stopped existing outside of Undertaker after 1990. Who knew? In other words the clips of the shows stopped at 1990 and it was a regular video from there.
Team Miz vs. Team Morrison
The Miz, Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger
John Morrison, Matt Hardy, Evan Bourne, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay
Sweet goodness that’s a big disparity between the talents. We have one team where only one member is still in the company and he hasn’t been seen in ten months. Well Finlay is still in the company but he’s retired. On the other side you have four world champions and Drew McIntyre. Miz is US Champion here. McIntyre has only been around for about three months and Sheamus has only been on Raw less than a month. Morrison is IC Champion.
Bourne and Swagger get things going with Evan grabbing a quick rollup for two. Ziggler comes in for the Hennig Neck Snap and a modified belly to belly suplex for two. Back to Swagger who pounds on the back of Bourne and brings Dolph back in again, hooking a half crab on Evan. Bourne escapes and comes back with a rana out of the corner and a jumping knee to the face. There’s the hot tag to Matt (BIG pop) and a double elbow to the back of Ziggler’s head by Evan and Matt. The Side Effect sets up Air Bourne for the elimination of Ziggler, but McIntyre comes in immediately and Future Shocks Bourne to tie it back up.
Finlay charges in to fight McIntyre and hits that Regal Roll of his. Off to Sheamus and Striker goes oooo. They stare each other down but a Miz distraction allows Sheamus to Brogue Kick Finlay down for the pin. Matt comes in to pound on Sheamus but he walks into a powerslam for two for the pale one. Off to Miz who drops a leg and puts on a reverse chinlock. The Reality Check gets two and it’s off to a front facelock.
Hardy reverses but Swagger comes in and drops ax handles on his back to keep Matt in. Off to a chinlock but Matt counters into a sleeper, from which he drops Swagger onto the back of his head in a kind of neckbreaker. Hot tag brings in Morrison to speed thing up. Morrison gets sent into the post but avoids the Vader Bomb. After taking out Miz, the Flying Chuck (Disaster Kick) kills Jack for two as everything breaks down. The referee gets run over and once things calm down, Morrison hits a knee to Swagger’s chest and Starship Pain ties things up by eliminating Swagger.
Miz comes in and hits his running corner clothesline followed by a top rope double ax for two. Off to a quickly broken chinlock as it’s off to Shelton. That gold hair thing never did work for him at all. A Stinger Splash and a northern lights suplex gets two and Benjamin keeps knocking Miz away whenever Miz comes at him. A bridging German suplex gets two for Shelton as the original referee is being checked for a concussion. Sheamus breaks up a neckbreaker from Shelton and Miz hits the Finale to take out Benjamin.
Off to Matt vs. Drew as things slow down a bit. They send each other into opposite corners with Matt taking over via a neckbreaker and the yelling legdrop for two. Another neckbreaker puts McIntyre down but Matt goes up and misses a moonsault press. A second Future Shock (called a Kobashi DDT by Striker) gets a second elimination for Drew, leaving us with Morrison vs. Sheamus/Miz/McIntyre.
Morrison starts with McIntyre and pounds away in the corner as Striker quotes Jim Morrison lyrics. Drew sends him into the corner and it’s off to Sheamus for some double stomping. Off to Miz for some trash talk followed by a slugout. Morrison takes over but it’s quickly off to Sheamus to run John over. Morrison kicks all three heels down but the flying Chuck is caught by a Brogue Kick out of the air, followed by the High Cross for the final elimination.
Rating: C+. This was your typical Survivor Series match and hopefully it gives us the definitive ending to the feud between the captains. Morrison was the more athletically gifted guy, but Miz would go on to much better things. I’m not sure if it was more his talent or the complete lack of expectations for him, but Miz went miles ahead of Morrison soon after this. Sheamus would get the world title in less than a month.
Team Kofi talks strategy but Christian feels awkward among four people not like him. His partners are MVP, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth and Mark Henry. Christian says he’s the only one that’s….you know…..from ECW. The awkward responses ensue and Christian thinks they thought it was because he’s Canadian. Christian “raps” and mentions the race thing, drawing stares. Everyone eventually cracks up.
We recap Batista vs. Mysterio. They had been tag partners but Rey got pinned a few times. At Bragging Rights, Batista snapped and turned heel on Rey in one of the best heel turns in years. I love this turn because it’s so simple: Batista got tired of losing over and over and then, very calmly, he said he was going to rip Rey’s head off, and then he DID. Rey begged for mercy, but Batista kept beating on him and hurting him, turning him into a big, muscleheaded bully, which is one of the best kinds.
Rey Mysterio vs. Batista
That Booyaka song of Rey’s is growing on me. It’s fun to shout along with. Rey takes the leg out quickly and tries the 619 but Batista bails. Rey follows and is immediately slammed against the apron and Big Dave takes over. Mysterio tries to fire off some kicks but Batista clotheslines his head off to stop Rey cold. The Batista Bomb is escaped as is a powerslam and Rey goes after the knee.
Rey kicks Batista into 619 position but Batista grabs the legs out of the air but can’t hit the Bomb yet. Mysterio sends him to the floor for a seated senton but Batista shrugs it off. Back in and Rey hits a pair of 619’s to the back and the ribs and a third to the face. Another springboard seated senton puts Batista down and Rey goes up for the Eddie dance, only to dive onto knees. Batista kills Rey with a spear and there’s the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb kills Rey but Dave won’t cover. There’s another Bomb and a third so the referee stops the match.
Rating: C+. I liked this for the story it was telling and the match wasn’t all that important. This was cool to see as Batista let out some of his anger and didn’t have to get pinned by some stupid rollup or anything like that. Sometimes you need some violence and the destruction of someone instead of them being able to stand tall. Let the bad guy win once in awhile and let him look strong. Then when someone stands up to him and beats him, they’re a hero. For some reason, this never happens anymore.
Post match Batista brings in a chair and picks up a begging Rey. He hits a spinebuster onto the chair, but the key here is the look on his face. There is no emotion on it at all and it’s like he has to do this because it’s who he is. Awesome all around. Rey is taken out on a stretcher.
Orton doesn’t like his team. Punk doesn’t really want to hear it.
We recap Team Kofi vs. Team Orton. Orton was all evil and psycho so Kofi stood up to him. This resulted in what looked to be one of the best face pushes in a long time, as Kofi showed some AWESOME emotion and looking like a serious threat to take Orton down. He destroyed an Orton racecar and then got in a BIG brawl with Orton all over Madison Square Garden, culminating in hitting a Boom Drop through a table.
Unfortunately, the beginning of this saw Kofi miss his cue and make Orton look stupid, so guess what happened to Kofi’s push at the end of this program? Since, you know, months of awesome promos and buildup and crowd reactions should be thrown away for the sake of a three second error that no one remembers. The package easily edits it out here, but hey, EVERYONE remembers EVERYTHING that happens on Raw right? That’s why everything is recapped: so EVERYONE that remember EVERYTHING can remember it even better.
Team Randy Orton vs. Team Kofi Kingston
Kofi Kingston, MVP, Mark Henry, R-Truth, Christian
Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, CM Punk, William Regal
Christian is ECW Champion and I think that’s the only title in this. Orton starts thinking he gets to fight Kofi but Henry starts instead. Henry throws Randy into Orton’s corner where Henry beats up all four of them. There’s a bearhug as Striker says being a Rumble winner might help Orton with strategy here. Huh? What does a battle royal have to do with an elimination tag match? Anyway, Legacy (DiBiase and Rhodes) help their I think former boss out and it’s an RKO to eliminate Henry in less than a minute.
MVP comes in and Team Orton all bails to the floor. After the quick huddle outside, here’s Orton again to face MVP but Rhodes makes a blind tag to stomp away on him. It’s quickly off to DiBiase then Regal then Punk to stomp away until Punk hooks a chinlock. MVP fights up and hits a suplex that looked like it lacked contact before bringing Truth in. Truth does his backflip into the splits but Rhodes’ distraction lets Punk hit the GTS to eliminate the rapper.
Christian comes in next to face Punk and they trade basic stuff to start. Punk gets in a knee to the ribs and it’s off to DiBiase for a middle rope elbow which gets two. Christian tries the Killswitch but walks into a powerslam instead. Dream Street and the Killswitch are both countered so Christian kicks DiBiase in the ribs and hits the spinning sunset flip out of the corner to make it 4-3.
Regal comes in immediately and gets all fired up but gets dropkicked down. There’s the tag to Kofi and things speed way up. Kofi fires off punches in the corner and but Regal fires off some punches to slow Kofi down. Off to Rhodes for more punches and kicks before Regal comes in again. MVP gets the tag and hits the Drive By (running boot to the head) to take Regal out and tie us up at three each (Kofi/MVP/Christian vs. Orton/Rhodes/Punk).
Cody comes in with a top rope cross body but MVP rolls through it for two. Rhodes gets caught in the good guy corner and it’s Canadian time as Christian pounds him into another corner. Tornado DDT is broken up and Christian is in trouble already. Cody wraps his legs around Christian as things slow down again. Off to Randy again who hits a gorgeous dropkick for two. Off to Rhodes who misses a knee drop so it’s back to MVP. It’s more basic punches and the Ballin Elbow for no cover. MVP has to knock Orton down and gets caught in Cross Rhodes to make it 3-2.
Kofi comes in and rolls up Cody for a VERY hot two count before it’s back to Christian. The Canadian works on the arm before it’s back to Kofi with a springboardy shot to the arm as well. Christian and Kofi take turns on Cody until the Killswitch takes him out. This was simple yet effective. It’s down to Punk/Orton vs. Christian/Kofi which is a spiffy little tag match.
Orton comes in to face Christian and a right hand takes Captain Charisma down. Christian has to take Punk down off the apron but still manages to avoid the RKO and hit the Killswitch for two as Punk saves. Punk distracts Christian and it’s an RKO to make it 2-1. Kofi wants Orton but Randy tags out when he sees Kingston there. Punk and Kofi stare at each other a bit before slugging it out with Kofi taking over with some HARD forearms.
The GTS and Trouble in Paradise both miss and we’ve got a stalemate. Kofi hits a big dropkick and the SOS for two. Orton is walking around on the floor as Punk takes over. Off to a leg choke which shifts to a body vice with the legs as some time is killed. Kofi fights up but a splash hits Punk’s knees.
A falcon’s arrow gets two for CM but the bulldog out of the corner is countered with a belly to back suplex. Kofi goes up and after blocking a superplex twice, a top rope cross body gets a close two. An Orton distraction prevents the Boom Drop but Kofi reverses a rollup into the pin on Punk and immediately kicks Orton’s head off for the final pin and a BIG pop.
Rating: B. This took a bit more time than it needed but the ending was perfect. It made Kofi look like a STAR….and then he lost the next month to Orton and was back in the midcard immediately after, but this was AWESOME. The other eliminations didn’t mean much and this would have been better as a 4-4 match with about three less minutes, but great ending and I was totally into the Kofi push at this point.
Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show
Hey look: the world champion is defending against a big time tag team. Jericho won at Bragging Rights and Big Show turned on Raw at the same show to get this spot. Taker is defending and he’s the only person I’ll call champion in this match even though JeriShow have the tag titles here. The challengers pound Taker into the corner with Show headbutting the champion a bit for good measure.
Taker comes back with a clothesline to send Show to the floor and goes after him instead of fighting Jericho in the ring. Odd decision but Taker is an odd guy most of the time. Taker fires away punches on the floor but Jericho pops up from out of nowhere and takes out the champ’s legs. Taker is stuck in the timekeeper’s area so the challengers lift him out of it to throw him back inside to hammer away.
Jericho misses a charge and Taker pounds away on Show before clotheslining him down. Show heads to the floor and Jericho gets beaten up for awhile but the big bald guy pulls the champ to the floor. Taker is all cool with that though and posts Show before getting crotched when attempting Old School on Jericho. Chris superplexes him down but Taker gets the knees up to block the Lionsault. Jericho counters the counter and puts on the Walls, but Show breaks it up with a chokeslam.
A chokeslam to Taker is countered into a DDT and all three guys are down. Jericho tries to cover both guys but can only get two before being launched to the floor by Big Show. Taker wins a slugout with Big Show and they both grab chokeslam grips, but it’s Jericho with a belt shot that takes Show down, possibly by mistake. Taker loads up the Last Ride on Jericho but a belt shot to the head knocks out the champion but only for two seconds. Jericho mocks the Undertaker for some reason and tries a Tombstone. Unless your name is Kane, WHY WOULD YOU TRY THAT ON UNDERTAKER???
Taker counters it but Show knocks him out. Jericho saves the pin and tries a Codebreaker on Big Show, who is like boy please. A knock out punch puts Jericho down as Taker is getting back to his feet. Show calls for the chokeslam but Show pulls him down into the Hell’s Gate for the submission to retain.
Rating: C+. This is one of those matches that went fine but you could have called most of the match the entire way through. Was there any doubt that Taker was going to keep the belt here and that the partners would turn on each other? That’s the problem with these kind of matches: they never take risks on the endings so it’s the same stuff over and over again.
The survivors of Team Miz (Miz, McIntyre and Sheamus) brag a bit. They all claim to be the future.
Team Mickie James vs. Team Michelle McCool
Michelle McCool, Layla, Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Alicia Fox
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Melina, Gail Kim, Eve Torres
Michelle is Women’s Champion and Melina is Divas Champion. I’m not sure if this is before of after Laycool was making fun of Mickie for being “fat”. Kelly and Layla get things going and it’s not pretty from the start. They are but the wrestling isn’t quite so smooth. Layla hits some dropkicks to the back but Kelly comes back with a legdrop to the back of the head (not the K2 but a regular legdrop) to get the quick elimination.
Off to Gail vs. Michelle and it’s a quick Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to eliminate Kim. Seriously it’s that fast. Off to Eve vs. Jillian with the singer taking over with a cartwheel splash. After some uninspired stuff, Eve pins Jillian with a top rope sunset flip and is immediately pinned herself after the Glam Slam. A second Glam Slam pins Kelly and it’s down to Mickie/Melina vs. Beth/Michelle/Alicia. Mickie comes in to fight Beth and after some forearms, a crucifix gets rid of Phoenix.
Alicia comes in next and things slow WAY down as Beth was the only girl in there that was going to be able to beat Mickie. A northern lights suplex with a GREAT bridge from Alicia gets two but Mickie backflips up from the mat into a front chancery. It’s quickly broken up but it looked awesome. Mickie comes off the middle rope with a Thesz Press for the pin to make it 2-1.
Michelle comes in and stomps on Mickie before hooking a chinlock. Mickie comes back with a forearm to the face and both chicks are down. James can’t quite make the tag so Michelle slams her down for two. There’s the hot tag to Melina who goes nuts but gets no response. Michelle suplexes her down but she puts Melina over her shoulders and gets caught in a sunset flip for the final pin.
Rating: D-. This was worthless. As in there was no value to this whatsoever. The sex appeal is going down too as most of the girls are more covered up than they were in the previous years, and when you have bad wrestling with a lack of sex appeal, the Divas matches go way down in value. The crowd didn’t care at all here either.
Batista liked hurting Rey.
No recap video for the main event, but there’s no need for one. It’s the same story as the other world title match minus the Bragging Rights parts.
Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena
Cena is defending of course. The bell rings and Shawn superkicks HHH to the floor. Cena’s reaction is great as he never saw that coming and I don’t think most people did either. The replay screws it up by showing a good three inches between Shawn’s boot and HHH’s face, but that’s normal anymore. Cena tries a fast clothesline on Shawn but gets caught in a neckbreaker instead.
John comes back with a release fisherman’s suplex but Shawn chops away in the corner. Shawn gets kicked onto the top rope where Cena tries the AA but Shawn counters into something that most resembled a DDT for two. Shawn goes for the knee and the fans think Cena sucks. There’s a Figure Four (wrong leg but Shawn is a Flair disciple) on Cena but John turns it over to escape.
Back to their feet we go and Cena’s leg seems perfectly fine. He hits a pair of shoulder blocks but a third misses and he falls to the floor. Shawn loads up the announce table as HHH is still out cold apparently. Cena pops up to try an AA through the table but HHH saves, only to hit a big spinebuster to send Shawn through the table. Back inside we have HHH pounding away on Cena as Striker CANNOT SHUT UP. He talks about how HHH is the ace of spades and all kinds of other terms that either go over most peoples’ heads or MAKE NO FREAKING SENSE. Call him HHH and be done with it you nitwit.
HHH hits a neckbreaker for two on Cena but a Pedigree attempt is countered into a slingshot into the corner. They slug it out with Cena taking over and hitting a shoulder to take over. There’s the ProtoBomb but as Cena goes for the Shuffle, here’s Shawn to send him into the post. It’s time for DX to explode and Shawn takes over early with an atomic drop and some chops. HHH comes back with a knee to the face but Shawn hits the forearms and nips up.
The nip up doesn’t do much good though as he is immediately caught in the spinebuster, but like Cena he escapes the Pedigree. Shawn goes up but gets crotched by Cena who goes up as well, only to miss the top rope Fameasser. Shawn hits the top rope elbow on Cena but HHH sends Shawn to the floor. There’s the STF on HHH as Cena doesn’t seem interested in selling at all in this match. As HHH is about to tap, Shawn comes in and hooks the Crossface on Cena to break the hold.
Cena pulls up from that into an AA attempt but Michaels slips down the back, only to get caught in the STF. Shawn FINALLY gets the rope and pops up to superkick Cena down. HHH charges in and takes another superkick, only to fall on Cena for a VERY close two. Cena hits an AA on HHH as Shawn gets back in after falling out after the two kicks. They both crawl for the cover and both get a two at the same time. All three guys try finishers on each other (including a piledriver attempt from Shawn) before Shawn superkicks HHH again but gets AA’d onto HHH for the pin by Cena to retain.
Rating: B. Good solid match here and WAY better than the previous one. Cena’s selling here was really surprising though as he’s not one to pull something like that. Other than that the finishers being used so often got a bit annoying, but the match felt like a big battle where anyone could have won, which couldn’t really be said about Show vs. Jericho vs. Taker. Good stuff here.
Cena signs some autographs for National Guard members to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good show but overall, it’s kind of underwhelming. The show mostly felt like it came and went and if the show happened that’s fine but if it didn’t exist that would be fine too. The triple threats didn’t work either although the main event was definitely a solid match. No need to see this, although it was good show if that makes sense.
Ratings Comparison
Team Miz vs. Team Morrison
Original: B
Redo: C+
Batista vs. Rey Mysterio
Original: C+
Redo: C+
Team Kingston vs. Team Orton
Original: B+
Redo: B
Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show
Original: C+
Redo: C+
Team Mickie James vs. Team Michelle McCool
Original: D
Redo: D-
John Cena vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels
Original: C+
Redo: B
Overall Rating
Original: B-
Redo: B-
That’s probably about as close as this is going to get.