Monday Night Raw
Date: December 14, 1998
Location: Tacoma Dome, Tacoma, Washington
Attendance: 17,508
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Rock Bottom and Austin buried Undertaker alive. On top of that, Rock is still world champion as we head towards the Rumble. Since there are three episodes of this show left in the year I’ll be running through all three of them instead of doing two and then coming back later. The main event tonight is Rock vs. HHH which would get a lot better in upcoming years. Let’s get to it.

We open with some stills of last night with Rock retaining the title because he passed out in the Claw instead of tapping. Also Kane helped Austin bury Undertaker alive.

Cole is on commentary because Ross had an attack of Bell’s Palsy.

We open with a pretty famous segment as DX imitates the Corporation. We’ve got HHH as Rock, X-Pac as Shamrock, Roadie as Vince (with two small guys attached to him as Patterson and Brisco) and Billy as Shane. Chyna is Boss Man I think. Road Dogg starts us off and his Vince imitation isn’t that bad. HHH has a painted on eyebrow and Billy isn’t wearing pants.

Road Dogg asks Brisco how things taste behind him. Billy shows off his thong and says that Vince certainly isn’t one of them. X-Pac says all this talk about sphincters is putting him IN THE ZONE!!! Chyna does a nice routine with a nightstick like a baton….until she drops it. HHH does a great heel Rock imitation by talking very slowly and talking about sticking his own head in his own anal cavity.

Here’s Commissioner Shawn played by…..some comedian who isn’t named. He has a basketball which he keeps dropping in a not very subtle illustration. Shawn calls himself HB-Gay and is intrigued by all this talk about sphincters. He doesn’t lay down for anybody because he’s always bending over. There goes the ball again. X-Pac is still IN THE ZONE. He gets in Shawn’s face and Shawn freaks out. HHH says if the Corporation doesn’t get what’s going on here, they’ve got two words for them. Not as good as the Nation parody but it was still great.

Cue the real Corporation to interrupt with Shawn talking about how DX will pay for this. It’s Outlaws vs. Shamrock/Boss Man again and HHH vs. Rock. Shawn: “Careful Rock. He’s only used to hanging out with main eventers.” It’s non-title just in case though. HHH says that’s a good idea because it was HHH who was beating up Rock every time they fought and he was the guy that took Rock’s IC Title. Rock says that was Chyna’s fault but he’ll put the title up tonight. Rock then goes into Hogan’s, Flair’s, Savage’s and Bret’s catchphrases before getting to his own. Talk about a random moment.

Back with Vince giving the Corporation a pep talk. They’re going after Kane later and a surprise is promised.

Val Venis/Godfather vs. Edge/Christian

I think this is the first pairing of the famous team on Raw. Edge and Val start things off with Val taking Edge down and pounding away. Off to Godfather who double teams Edge with a splash/legdrop combo. The not yet named Ho Train hits and here’s Val again, this time facing Christian. Godfather beats up both members of the Brood and a hooking kick gets two on Christian. Things rapidly break down and Val decks Gangrel before hitting a fisherman’s suplex on Christian for the pin. Short match.

Gangrel promises a blood bath tonight.

Steve Blackman promises to unmask the Blue Blazer tonight and prove that it’s Owen Hart.

Goldust vs. Blue Blazer

Shouldn’t this be Blackman given the promo and video we got of Blackman vs. Blazer before the match? Blazer hits a spinning heel kick which is an Owen trademark. The fans chant nugget as Blazer hits a neckbreaker. A middle rope elbow gets two and Blazer tries some kind of running springboard, only to slip off the ropes. Blazer enziguris him down and does an Owen WOO! Goldust hits the Curtain Call and loads up Shattered Dreams but Jarrett runs in for the DQ.

Blackman runs out and saves Goldust before unmasking the Blazer to reveal Owen Hart. Well ok, now what does this change?

One of the commercials for this show is for the VHS of Mask of Zorro. That’s one of my favorites.

DX and the Corporation are about to fight in the back.

D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry vs. Bob Holly/2 Cold Scorpio

PMS is with Brown/Henry, the latter of whom is now Sexual Chocolate. Before the match, Henry wants to talk about his date with Chyna. She invited him to her room and wanted him in her bed. Apparently Brown was filming it too. Well that sounds romantic. Chyna wore him out but before we can hear the details, Scorpio and Holly interrupt.

Brown and Holly start things off with Brown charging into a boot in the corner. Holly and Scorpio are the JOB Squad here. Scorpio comes in and superkicks Brown down but it’s off to Henry who doesn’t go down (at least not in a match) as easily. Back to Brown with the Sky High for two but a Swanton (yep, from Brown) misses. PMS distracts the JOB Squad and Jackie dropkicks Holly so Henry can powerslam him for the fast pin.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Big Bossman/Ken Shamrock

The Outlaws are defending. Shawn is out with the challengers. Also, last night Shamrock went after Billy’s leg with a chair. That becomes important later. Billy and Boss Man start things off and Boss Man knocks him down, only to have Billy ask him to do it again. Boss Man does it again and Billy doesn’t get up. Serves the idiot right. Off to Road Dogg who does about as well, getting sent into the corner with authority. Boss Man misses a charge and it’s back to Billy.

Boss Man tries to crotch him on the post but gets pulled face first into the post instead. Off to Shamrock who goes after Billy’s leg for a good while. Boss Man comes back in and Billy falls down while being whipped to the corner because of the leg work. Shamrock comes back in and tries a standing rana but Billy powerbombs him down to counter.

The double tag brings in Roadie to face Boss Man and Shawn cracks Road Dogg in the back with a chair. The Boss Man Slam gets two and Road Dogg hits Boss Man low for absolutely no penalty. Back to Billy but Shawn whacks him with a pipe. The ankle lock goes on but Billy is out and we have new champions.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t any good but it gave the Corporation yet another title. I believe http://onhealthy.net/product-category/muscle-relaxant/ they have everything but the European Title and the Light Heavyweight Title at the moment. Anyway this wasn’t much but at least it was short. The wrestling in the Attitude Era just wasn’t that good and most of the time that was because no one really cared about it. The fans were there for the drama and that’s about it.

Here are Vince and Shane with an announcement. Vince isn’t pleased that Austin won last night because now he gets to be in the Royal Rumble. It’s Kane’s fault that Austin won that match and tonight we’re going to fix Kane and Mankind by having them fight in a no holds barred match.

Vince and Shane step back to reveal a table with a tumbler on it. We’re going to pick Austin’s Rumble number right now, and wouldn’t you know it, he draws #1. Just to prove there’s nothing up, they draw again and Austin gets #1 again. Vince sweetens the Rumble pot a bit by saying that whomever eliminates Austin will receive $100,000. Tonight another participant will be announced as well. It’s someone that equals Austin’s skills. It’s the only person that could save WCW. It’s…..Vince himself! Vince hopes he’s #2 but he gets #30 instead.

The McMahons are about to leave but Mankind pops up on screen. Mankind, calling Vince dad, says that it should be Vince vs. Mankind tonight in the no holds barred match. Well maybe just a match. Vince throws down the mic without answering either way but he seems ticked off.

Back from a break with the Stooges trying to convince Vince not to fight tonight. Hey that rhymes two times.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman

This is a guitar on a pole match for reasons of Russo. Jeff says Debra WILL NOT strip tonight but she kind of wants to. Blackman gets in some quick strikes and goes for the guitar which goes nowhere. I think it’s the first person to pull the guitar down wins here. Jeff punches away but misses a dropkick. Debra shows off a little cleavage which does nothing to Blackman as he catches Jarrett climbing. Debra pulls her jacket almost off and Jeff gets the guitar. Both of them miss swings with it and the referee goes down. Owen runs in and blasts Blackman with another guitar to give Jeff the pin.

Rating: D. In a guitar on a pole match, we also had a run-in and a ref bump. Like I said, it’s Russomania at this point and that would never be clearer than at the Rumble. Everybody remembers the drama of the main events from this era, but most people forget the midcard, with stuff like Steve Blackman vs. Owen Hart which went on for MONTHS. It wasn’t all great stuff.

Tiger Ali Singh finds the word Bloodbath painted on his wall.

Vince says he’s going to take on Mankind.

Here’s Singh for a match I presume but the lights go out and the Brood’s music hits. Red lights keep flashing in the ring. The Brood appears and the lights go out. As they come back on, Singh is covered in blood. They would get better at this.

Mankind vs. Vince McMahon

No holds barred. Thankfully they turn off the red lights a few seconds into the match. They slug it out a bit before Mankind blocks a chokeslam with a knee to the ribs, only to get kicked in the head for his efforts. They head to the floor with Kane sending Mankind into the steps and then hitting a HARD shot with them to Mankind’s head. Kane sends Mankind into the corner and clotheslines him in the back of the head but Mankind knocks him to the floor. Here’s Vince who says Mankind can fight Vince in the parking lot right now. Mankind goes after him and the match is a no contest.

Rating: D+. The length of the match hurts this more than anything. Foley would be on to much bigger things in just a few weeks while Kane would do little of note for awhile. These hardcore brawls are only able to get things so far and the guys needed some actual matches to give them a break from the hardcore stuff.

During the break, Shamrock and Boss Man beat down Kane and had him put in a straightjacket.

We go to the back and Mankind is beating up Vince in the parking lot. Mankind beats him down and takes out the Stooges as well before putting Vince in the trunk of a car. Rock shows up for the save and Rock Bottoms Mankind on the hood.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH

Shawn distracts HHH and Rock jumps him to take over. HHH comes back with clotheslines and pounds away in the corner before being thrown to the floor. Rock beats on HHH on the floor while jumping in on commentary to talk some trash. Back in and HHH hits the high knee and an elbow drop for two. Rock elbows him down and we hit the chinlock.

HHH tries a comeback but gets DDT’ed and put right back into the chinlock. Another comeback is stopped with a slam and the People’s Elbow for two. We hit chinlock #3 in way too short of a stretch of time. HHH comes back with a suplex and another high knee before stomping away in the corner.

After a quick bit on the floor, Shawn distracts HHH but Chyna uses the opportunity to low blow Rock. HHH hits a DDT for two and there’s the Pedigree, but the referee is with Chyna. Shawn hits HHH with the belt for TWO. Chyna goes after Shawn and a big guy who was a bodyguard for Motley Crue takes out HHH to give Rock the pin.

Rating: C-. This started off slow but by the end it picked up a lot. The bodyguard would later be named Test and he’s the newest member of the Corporation apparently. The kickout after the belt shot had the crowd losing their minds but they got very quiet in a hurry. This was one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen these two have, but then again it’s just a TV match at the end of the year so how much are you expecting?

Overall Rating: C+. For a show without Austin, this was pretty good stuff. They’re moving forward with a lot of angles and it’s nice to see the build for the Rumble starting already instead of burning off two weeks like they do today. Some of this stuff was dull but you can’t win them all I guess. Anyway, things are looking good going into 99, which is a good thing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Oh look: a Raw from 2002. This is I think the twelfth episode I’ve done from this show, and you would think it would be something fun. Instead, it’s the KATIE VICK EPISODE! Yep, this is the show where HHH climbs in a casket and rapes a mannequin, because this is a wrestling show baby! I think that about covers it. It’s the night after No Mercy and HHH is the champion of all that is Raw as the IC Title has been knocked out for the next eight months or so. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Katie Vick story. HHH claims Kane is a murderer, but Kane says it was an accident. This is the night after HHH beat Kane to unify the IC and World Titles but the feud must continue for some reason.

Here’s HHH along with Flair to open the show. HHH talks about how he’s proven the writers wrong when they said he didn’t deserve to be handed the title. He ended the IC Title last night and there’s no one that can do anything about it. HHH calls himself unstoppable and says that he might be the greatest world champion ever. Flair has a video that explains the Katie Vick ordeal. Oh boy. Kane isn’t here yet, but apparently tonight it’s Kane/RVD vs. HHH/Flair. This brings out Hurricane, Kane’s other partner, to beat up HHH and take the tape, but HHH beats Hurricane down and takes it back.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowitski

Chris takes him down to start and Jeff is getting frustrated, which would be a recurring theme for him for the next few weeks. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a big flipping dive to take over. Nowitski gets in a shot back inside and gets a few two counts. Hardy comes back with a Thesz Press and actually uses it as a pinning combination. Nowitski chokes away in the corner and gets two off a rolling side cradle.

A gutbuster gets another two on Hardy and this match isn’t going anywhere. Jeff fires away but walks into a hot shot for two. A spinning double underhook slam gets two for Chris and here comes Jeff’s real comeback. He fires away with right hands and a jawbreaker but Chris moves before the Swanton launches. Chris brings in a chair but Al Snow comes in to break it up. The chair winds up hitting Chris in the head but Snow pulls Nowitski away from the Swanton. It hits the chair and Chris steals the pin.

Rating: D. This just kept going. Nowitski was a great base for a character but he never got off the ground. The guy just wasn’t that good. He wasn’t especially bad but he just wasn’t that good. This match didn’t work well for the most part and Hardy would start turning heel soon after this, which didn’t work at all.

Eric Bischoff, the GM, is watching Big Show intimidate him recently. Stacy comes in to ask to referee a match tonight. Eric says yeah whatever but not the main event. Stacy leaves and here’s Show. Eric gives Show Jamal, Rico and Rosey tonight.

Snow talks to Dreamer about costing Dreamer a match recently. They have a Singapore cane match tonight. Dreamer leaves and Nowitski comes up. Nowitski doesn’t want/need Al’s help. Ok then.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

The winners get a title shot against whoever the champions are now. Apparently it’s Christian/Jericho. Storm runs down American before the match. Spike vs. Storm to start things off with the smaller dude taking over quickly. The fans want tables but other than that things are mostly silent. We’ve lost commentary for some reason and by the time that sentence is finished JR is back.

Off to Bubba who takes Lance down with a neckbreaker but Regal hits Bubba in the back of his recently concussed head to give Storm the advantage. Regal comes in as Kane arrives in the back. Everything breaks down and Spike ranas Storm off the top. Bubba catches the superkick from Storm and hits the Bubba Bomb. Spoke hits the Dudley Dog on Regal for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was one of those matches that was too short to go anywhere of note. Regal and Storm as the Unamericans were a solid team but the gimmick was only going to go so far, especially with Test weighing them down as their third man. Nothing to see here and thankfully D-Von would reunite with Bubba the next month.

Storm kicks Bubba in the head post match and Spike gets hit in the ribs over and over by Regal’s brass knuckles.

Trish is having her picture taken and has to talk to the photographer about her match with Victoria from last night. Jericho and Christian pop up and call Trish a w****. Apparently Jericho thinks Trish wants him. Geez is this some extreme foreshadowing? I really doubt it.

Here’s Eric with something to say. He praises last night’s HIAC match with Brock vs. Taker (it really was good) but he’s going to top it. How is he going to do that? Something called the Elimination Chamber. No word on what that is yet.

Test vs. D’Lo Brown

Stacy is referee so she can wear a revealing outfit. Test looks like an idiot with long hair and short tights. Stacy slaps Brown and rings the bell. Test launches him over with a big backdrop and pounds away in the corner. Brown gets his feet up to block a charge followed by a flying forearm. Brown drops a leg but Stacy interferes again. The Sky High hits but Stacy is tying her shoe instead of counting. The big boot from Test and a fast count give the Canadian the win. Stacy jumps in Test’s arms post match.

Victoria says that she isn’t lying about Trish sleeping her way to the top. Victoria is still insane here. Goldust pops up behind her to make fun of her in a Dustyesque voice. Booker shows up as well to do the same, minus the American Dream part.

Trish Stratus/Booker T/Goldust vs. Victoria/Chris Jericho/Christian

Trish has her full entrance and look down now. Jericho and Christian are tag champions which I think I mentioned earlier. The girls brawl to start and Trish fires off her kicks in the corner. Victoria drop toeholds her onto the bottom rope and it’s off to Christian vs. Trish as the genders don’t have to match here. Booker comes in to make this a bit more fair for Christian. A forearm puts Christian down and a side kick gets two. Victoria and her awesome rack distracts Booker and the Canadians take over.

Off to Jericho who pounds away but gets caught in the spinning sunset flip out of the corner. The fans are way into Booker which is a good sign. It means HHH has someone to beat at Wrestlemania for no other reason than HHH wants to win at Wrestlemania. Back to Christian who takes Booker down so Jericho can hit a top rope knee drop.

A spinebuster takes Jericho down and it’s off to Goldust. He cleans the lower level of the house, hitting a middle rope bulldog for two on Jericho. Trish comes in with a cross body to Jericho and Goldust kisses Victoria. Booker and Christian take each other out and Jericho takes Trish down and finishes her with the Walls of Jericho.

Rating: D+. This started off as ok but boring and evolved into a messy comedy (I think?) match. There was nothing of note going on here which is the problem with Raw at this point: it isn’t terrible but there’s no interest in it at all. The tag titles meant nothing at all at this point and wouldn’t for a very long time. Thankfully we had the Smackdow tag titles established last night and they tore the house down for a long time.

Booker saves Jericho post match.

Terri is at Kane’s door and we cut to HHH who says roll the footage. I’m sure you’ve at least heard of this before. It’s of a funeral home with a date of 1992. Kane (clearly HHH in a Kane mask and t-shirt that wouldn’t be released for another 9 years) comes up to the casket and talks to the dead “body” of Katie Vick. It’s a mannequin if that’s not coming through. Kane (it’s HHH the entire segment so don’t get confused. I know this segment can make you stupid but hang with me here) says that if Katie had let him touch her in the car, this wouldn’t have happened.

The idea is that Kane was driving and crashed, killing Katie. Katie “talks” to Kane, saying that apparently now that she’s dead she wants Kane. Kane talks about getting excited watching Katie cheerlead and he fondles her chest which is mosaiced. This is supposed to be something like a hidden video of a sex tape. Kane takes his shirt off and starts undressing the mannequin. He takes off her underwear and says he loves the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Kane takes his jeans off and gets in the casket. Sounds are heard and we cut to shots of candles and flowers.

Usually I would give a long winded explanation of how awful this is for wrestling and how terrible it is, but I think the segment speaks for itself: it’s simulated necrophilia. I think that sums it up. When you look at the unemployment figures in this country, remember that someone came up with this idea and was paid to do so.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

Singapore Cane match. We start with a cane duel and Snow gets in the first connecting shots to the legs. Out to the floor and Dreamer fires away more cane shots but Snow headbutts him down. Back in and Dreamer kicks Al low, followed by a missed cane shot from an interfering Nowitski to give Dreamer the pin. Nothing to see here.

Big Show vs. Rosey/Jamal/Rico

The big guys jump Show to start but he shoves all of them away with ease. The heavies are clotheslined to the floor and Show goes after Rico’s sideburns of doom. JR makes gay references about Rico and Show destroys more people. There’s a chokeslam to Jamal (Umaga) for the pin. Total squash for Show.

Post break Eric announces that Big Show has been traded to Smackdown. He would get the world title the next month over there. After Show leaves, Hurricane arrives (did he leave?) and stands in front of his own car. Ok then.

We get some clips of Shawn getting destroyed after his match with HHH at Summerslam. Shawn is in a wheelchair at The World (WWF New York) and says his rehab is going slowly. The final match he had with HHH can stand on its own merit as not only a great match but a tribute to God. HHH did indeed put him in a wheelchair like he said he would but Shawn vows vengeance and stands up. He’s coming for HHH again.

HHH/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

The good guys pound away on their respective feud partners (Van Dam beat Flair last night) in the corner and both heels get kicked in the face. Van Dam and Flair start and it’s the cartwheel moonsault to Naitch. A middle rope kick to the face puts him down again as HHH knocks Kane off the apron and it’s the barricade. Van Dan kicks the Game down but Flair breaks up the Five Star.

Van Dam gets sent into the post and seems to have hut his ankle. That gets two back inside as we’re finally into a normal tag team match. JR and King debate necrophilia, which isn’t something I expected I’d have to write. Off to Flair as JR is sounding ticked off. Flair and Van Dam slug it out but it’s off to HHH with the knee to the face. King tries to convince JR that necrophilia is funny but Captain Oklahoma isn’t convinced. HHH puts on the sleeper and Van Dam is in trouble.

The hold is broken and it’s off to Flair. Van Dam superkicks him down and Flair goes up and with JR verbally rolling his eyes, Flair gets slammed down. HHH comes in and beats on Van Dam, but Rob escapes and tags Kane. Never mind as the tag isn’t seen so it’s time to go back to the not interesting match.

Back in and Van Dam takes Flair down and makes the real tag. Kane cleans house as the announcers debate if necrophiliac and Hulkamaniac rhyme. This is what Raw has sunk to people. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched as Kane and HHH fight on the floor. They head up the ramp with HHH being rammed into the set. Van Dam kicks Flair in the face, hits Rolling Thunder and adds the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not only was the match not that good, but it was based on necrophilia. I can’t emphasize that enough: this feud is continuing because HHH dressed up like Kane and pretended to have sex with a mannequin representing a corpse. JR sounded legitimately angry in this match and can you blame him at all?

In the back Kane destroys HHH in the back and throws him into various metal objects. Hurricane is standing next to his car with the trunk open. HHH tries a Pedigree but gets catapulted onto the hood of the car. There’s a chokeslam onto the hood and Kane throws HHH into the trunk and slams it shut. Kane sends Hurricane away and says to the trunk, and I quote, “Now I’m going to screw you. The only question is will you still be alive, or will I just wait until you’re dead.” Kane drives away with HHH in the trunk to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Ignoring the white elephant on this show, it wasn’t a good episode. There weren’t any good matches and a lot of the stuff felt like it was there to fill in two hours. The Elimination Chamber was mentioned but after the announcement it was barely mentioned again. This show was based around one of the stupidest stories of all time and it’s even worse than it seemed at the time. It’s in poor taste, it’s not funny, and it makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Terrible show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 8, 1997
Location: Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 6,627
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

It’s the night after Ground Zero where Undertaker beat up Shawn in one of the best fights you’ll ever see. Shawn ran, which means we need to find a place to put them so Shawn can’t run anymore. The solution: a huge cage that surrounds the ring. Shawn will be trapped in there, like he’s in a nightmare. Get where I’m going with this? Let’s get to it.

We open with stills from the show last night which also show Bret retaining the title against the Patriot.

Theme song.

Here’s Vince to open the show and bring in Sgt. Slaughter, the commissioner. Slaughter promises to maintain order in the WWF because that’s what Gorilla Monsoon (president of the company) ordered him to do. As for Austin, he’s suspended until Slaughter gets medical clearance for him. There’s going to be a tournament for Austin’s IC Title with the finals at Bad Blood. Austin will be there to forfeit the title and hand the belt to the new champion.

This brings out Austin to make fun of Slaughter’s ample gut. He says he won’t deliver the title to anyone and gives Slaughter a Stunner. Vince gets in Austin’s face but referees pull them apart. I don’t think Vince had been revealed as the owner of the company yet so Austin looks like he’s bullying an announcer. Austin jumps in on commentary because he feels like it. Then he jumps off commentary.

Post break Vince and JR complain about Austin. We get a clip of Austin stunning JR last night and what happened a few minutes ago.

Austin is being thrown out of the building.

We recap Bret vs. Vader from a few weeks ago when Vader snapped and the Hart Foundation had to save Bret, resulting in Vader being attacked by five guys. Then Vader went after Bret during Bret’s match with the Patriot, leading to this.

Bret Hart vs. Vader

No holds barred and this is non-title with Bret as world champion. Bret runs down Cincinnati for naming a street after Pete Rose. What did Rose ever do to the WWF to deserve all the stuff he gets from them? Bret nails Vader with the belt as he gets in and pounds away in the corner to start. The place erupts when Vader comes back and he gets the belt for a shot to Bret’s back.

Vader breaks the Canadian flag and Bret tries to run. They head to the floor and Vader gets sent into the steps which are then dropped on his back. Vader shrugs that off and here comes the Bulldog as we take a break. Back with Vader punching Bret in the face back inside. Bulldog is still on the ramp. Bret kicks Vader low and drops some forearms to the face. Some headbutts stagger Vader and there’s a snap suplex.

Bret undoes the pad on a buckle but doesn’t get it off. Vader splashes Bret in the corner and sends him chest first into the buckle. The powerbomb lays Bret out but Bulldog breaks up the Vader Bomb. The Foundation pounds Vader in the corner until the Patriot comes out for the save. Owen comes out and Bret gets a chair to knock out both Americans. The Harts load up a piledriver on a chair for Patriot but Austin runs in for the save. He chases the Harts off with the chair and the match is thrown out.

Rating: B-. There’s a reason 1997 is remembered so fondly: the wrestling was great in the main event scene and this was a good example. This was a very good brawl with both guys pounding away on each other and neither guy backing down at all. Austin coming in at the end was fine but the match being thrown out was a bit annoying. Fun opener though.

We recap the Headbangers winning the tag titles last night.

We come back to the arena to see the Godwinns destroying some jobbers. They want to face the Headbangers right now.

Headbangers vs. Godwinns

This is non-title. The non-champions jump the champions as they come in and we start with Phineas and Thrasher. The Godwinn takes over and it’s quickly off to Henry who runs Thrasher over as well. Phineas comes in and charges into a boot, allowing Thrasher to tag in Mosh. Everything breaks down and the Godwinns’ new manager comes in, blasts Mosh in the back of the head, and gives Phineas the pin. This was short and stupid considering the Bangers are the new champions.

Henry introduces the guy as Uncle Cleetus, played by former wrestler TL Hopper/The Dirty White Boy.

House show ads.

We recap Goldust losing to Pillman last night, resulting in Goldust losing Marlena to Pillman for 30 days. This was supposed to result in Marlena leaving Goldie for Pillman but Pillman died before this could happen.

Here’s Sunny who still looks great here. Apparently she’s going to be interviewing people outside of the showers tonight. First though, she’s ring announcing.

Intercontinental Title Tournament: Dude Love vs. Brian Pillman

Dude and Austin had been tag champions until last night when they had to forfeit due to Austin’s neck injury. Dude says he’s not in the groove tonight so he brings out Goldust for moral support. Goldie has half of his face painted and half with the usual skin. Pillman is the hometown boy….but he’s not here. His voice comes in over the phone saying that he’s not going to be here until the company guarantees him and Pillman a safe environment. Plus he’s exhausted from last night. Pillman does however have a tape called Brian Pillman’s X-Files.

It’s Pillman in a hotel room in a towel with a camera set up like he’s going to shoot a sex video. He’s smoking a cigar but there’s no Marlena in sight. Pillman holds up her underwear and drops the towel to reveal his underwear. Ok then. Part 2 is coming later. Presumably dude advances.

Hour #2 starts.

Piratita Morgan vs. Max Mini

Great. It’s a midget match. Morgan is a pirate and Mini is a very small guy who can fly all over the place. Last night Max jumped in Jerry’s lap and put the crown on which was amusing. They head to the floor almost immediately and Mini hits an Asai Moonsault. He follows that up with a suicide somersault plancha. Back inside and Max hooks a crucifix for the pin. This was pure filler.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Shawn was a hero for a long time but he was the guest referee at Summerslam and cost Undertaker the title with a missed chair shot. Then he turned full on heel with another chair shot later on Raw.

There go the lights and here he comes. Taker talks about how last night he and Shawn opened the gates of Hell and now they’re going to be locked inside of it at Bad Blood. Shawn pops up on screen and says he’ll survive no matter what happens in the Cell. He’s not going down alone though because if he goes into the coffin, Taker is going with him. Taker says nothing of note to end the segment.

Owen says he isn’t concerned with Austin lurking around.

Here are the tournament brackets:

Dude Love

Brian Pillman

Goldust

Owen Hart

Ken Shamrock

Faarooq

Ahmed Johnson

Rocky Maivia

So Dude doesn’t advance. I guess he’ll have to (a)bide his time until the match happens for real.

Intercontinental Title Tournament: Owen Hart vs. Goldust

Goludust charges in and pounds away on Owen, clotheslining him to the floor. Goldie drops him throat first on the barricade and hits a bulldog. Owen finally low blows him to get a breather and then take over. Owen still has his jacket on. A middle rope elbow hits Goldust so Goldust hits Owen low twice for the DQ to advance Owen.

The Harts come in for the post match beatdown but Austin comes in through the crowd with a broom to clean (hehe) house.

Austin leaves through the crowd and it’s time for part 2 of the Pillman X-Files. Pillman says this segment can’t go on long because Terri needs a shower, which she’s apparently in now. Pillman says to get a good night’s sleep because he certainly won’t be.

The Hart Foundation isn’t pleased with what just happened. Smith is ready for Shawn at One Night Only, a British PPV.

Here’s Savio Vega for commentary for the main event for some reason. He won a triple threat match last night and the main event is a triple threat so his expertise is needed here.

Patriot vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. British Bulldog

Shawn and HHH jump the Bulldog on his way to the ring. They ram his knee into the ramp and crush it with a chair to set up the match at One Night Only. Back from a break and Savio has jumped into the match and is replacing Bulldog I guess. This is back when the match wasn’t a total cliché that was required at least once a month. HHH gets double teamed and elbowed down but the alliance ends quickly with Patriot clotheslining HHH down and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Savio gets knocked to the floor and HHH drops a knee on Patriot for two. HHH pounds away on Patriot’s head but Savio comes gets jealous and pounds away on Patriot instead. I’ve never understood the logic behind that: why not let HHH expend energy and then jump him later on? Shawn comes out for commentary as we take a break.

Back with Savio hitting a spinwheel kick in the corner on HHH, followed by a DDT from Patriot on the future Game for two. Patriot and Savio take turns beating on HHH but neither guy can get more than a one. Patriot suplexes Savio down but HHH breaks it up before there’s even a cover. Savio tries a sunset flip on HHH and after Patriot breaks up HHH’s hold on the ropes, it gets two.

The fans are booing something here and to be fair, it’s probably the match as it’s not working at all for the most part. Shawn is ripping Vince apart on commentary because of how stupid Vince sounds. Savio kicks HHH’s head off, making Shawn speak Spanish. Savio puts a headscissors on HHH and Patriot puts a headscissors on Savio at the same time as we take a break.

Back with Patriot chopping away on Savio and vice versa. HHH breaks up a cover on Savio and the booing gets louder. Patriot and HHH literally stand still and choke each other as a LOUD boring chant breaks out. Vince complains about Shawn’s change of attitude. Shawn: “Well it was you that told me to change.”

The Pedigree is countered and Savio lands on the referee. HHH throws Patriot to the floor and loads up a Pedigree on Savio, only to be catapulted into Patriot, crotching the guy that comes out to Kurt Angle’s music (Patriot if you’re kind of slow). Savio kicks HHH’s head off but Shawn distracts him before the cover. HHH rams Savio into the Patriot and rolls up Vega for the pin.

Rating: D-. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? They should be made to sit and watch this match over and over again until they scream for mercy. I mean DANG this didn’t work at all. Someone thought giving this SEVENTEEN MINUTES was a good idea. Savio comes completely out of nowhere (he had been feuding with the original Nation of Domination) and jumps in the match, which makes absolutely no sense. Taking Bulldog out was a problem as at least he would have given us three distinct groups (Harts, Anti-Harts, future DX) in the match, but instead it was a total mess and VERY dull. Terrible main event.

DX (not yet named that) all get chairs as Vader, Patriot and Savio surround the ring. The Harts come out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event cripples this show something fierce. Usually one match isn’t going to hurt a show this badly, but when it’s this dull and goes on for nearly TWENTY MINUTES, it’s going to bring things down. Other than that this was pretty good stuff with the Harts still looking awesome and the Cell on the horizon, which means the introduction of Kane. 1997 was an awesome year for the company from a quality standpoint and it was clear that once they got the fans’ attention, WCW was going to be in real trouble. Well, as long as you keep Savio and the Patriot away from each other.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 10, 2000
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well after that mess of a 2002 show I just did, this is my reward I guess. We’re just after Wrestlemania and HHH is still champion. Other than that there isn’t much to say other than we need an opponent for the title at Backlash. I’m not sure why this was requested by given that it’s 2000, I’d bet on it being something to do with the Rock. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Rock to open the show and the place erupts. We’re near Miami so that has something to do with it I’m sure. Rock has video from last week of Vince which has nothing to do with a 900lb tuna and a pair of chopsticks. It’s from Smackdown with Vince hitting a referee to keep Rock from pinning I think Road Dogg. Rock laid out Vince on the stage in retaliation, followed by hitting him in the head with a chair. Rock has one more clip for Vince to see, and it’s of Vince out cold on the stage with Rock’s foot on his chest.

After everything Rock has done to Stephanie and Vince, Rock still wants more. He wants his WWF Title shot and he wants it tonight. Cue Vince with a chair to the ring. Rock says Vince has three options: he can put the chair down, swing at Rock, or have it shined up and stuck in a strategic place. Vince: “I’ll put it down, but if you move towards me your head will be like crushed papaya.” Who talks like that? Well other than Rock of course. Tonight, Rock gets a chance to earn a title match if he wins a cage match against someone to be announced. Somehow, no one had noticed the BIG FREAKING CAGE above the ring.

Vince says Rock has to earn everything he gets now and there are no more freebies. Vince wants Rock to think about who he (Rock) is. About a year ago, it was Vince that made Rock who he was. It wasn’t the people and it wasn’t the Rock, but rather Vince that made the Rock. Rock would have been a star, but not a superstar. Vince thinks Rock would have made a good Doink or a good Gobbledygooker or a GREAT Bastian Booger. With Vince’s help, Rock hosted SNL and was on the Tonight Show. All Vince was looking for was a thank you. That’s why Vince did it: he was never thanked.

Vince thinks Rock is an ingrate but Rock doesn’t really care, albeit in a bit more colorful language. Vince wants to know what’s up with Rock’s insane way of speaking and accuses Rock of being a pervert. This is VINCE MCMAHON accusing someone of being a pervert that is obsessed with the rectal cavity. Actually Rock is obsessed with what comes out of the rectal cavity. Vince says Rock could take all of what comes out of the collective rectal cavities of the people here, put it in a pizza oven and only then could we smell what Rock is cooking. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN???

Cue HHH, Shane and Stephanie to keep this segment going. Vince goes for Rock with the chair but Rock blasts Vince in the back with it instead before holding off HHH and Shane with said chair. To call this an overly long and borderline bizarre segment would be the understatement of the year.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Road Dogg/X-Pac

The Canadians are defending. I love that King of Rock music that DX uses here. Christian and X-Pac start things off with Pac getting beaten up. Off to Edge who hits a spinwheel kick for two. DX double teams to take over and stomp on Edge in the corner. There are the dancing punches and shaky kneedrop from Roadie for two. A double clothesline from Edge takes DX down again and it’s an ice cold tag to Christian. Edge goes to the floor but gets posted. Back inside, Christian tries the Unprettier but Road Dogg hits him with a belt for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here other than the title change. X-Pac and Road Dogg never quite worked that well as a tag team but they were trying at least. If nothing else there’s Tori in those tiny outfits of hers which is never a bad thing. Edge and Christian would get a lot better in a hurry.

Never mind as the referee see the belt and starts the match again. Edge spears X-Pac in about 15 seconds to retain.

Godfather is with his ladies.

Kat and Terri, former enemies, leave for a girl’s day out. As they leave, Eddie and Chyna, the new couple, arrive.

Kurt Angle vs. Godfather

Nothing to see here. Angle talks a bit about abstinence before the match in a funny bit that probably only he could pull off. The girls look good, Godfather does his schtick, the Angle Slam gets the pin in about two minutes. Nothing to see at all.

Big Show is excited and is going to be cutting loose from now on.

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi/Tazz

What a bizarre team. Grandmaster isn’t in this team for no apparent reason other than a knee/ankle injury. Scotty and Benoit start things off and things speed up fast. Scotty suplexes him down and moonwalks, so Dean decks him from behind. Off to Saturn as the Radicalz take over. Scott gets rammed into the buckle and it’s back to Benoit.

The Radicalz tag in and out very quickly here and Dean gets two off a rollup. Hot tag brings in Rikishi who cleans house and gives Dean a Stink Face. Everything breaks down and it’s Worm time for Dean. Sweet goodness was that move over. Benoit breaks up a charge from Rikishi and Scotty puts Dean in a Cloverleaf. Benoit and Rikishi fight up the ramp and Saturn clotheslines Scotty so Dean can get the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work all that well. Having Tazz out there didn’t fit at all as he did nothing of note, making this basically a handicap match. Then again Tazz didn’t really exist as much more than a warm body for his entire run with the company. Nothing to the match and it wasn’t anything of note either.

Kat is having her hair done and Terri hands her a spiked drink.

WWF Title: HHH vs. ???

Apparently HHH is giving an impromptu title defense against some random opponent. In the back, Kai En Tai walks through some doors…..accompanied by the APA. HHH isn’t happy with the bigger guys but the opponent is Taka Michinoku. The Acolytes chase off Shane and Stephanie so Taka jumps HHH and gets in some fast paced offense, including a headscissors and dropkick for two. Taka fires away in the corner and hits a tornado DDT for two.

HHH finally gets in a shot and Taka is in trouble in a hurry. A facebuster gets two as Lawler rips into JR for being against HHH. HHH gets in his traditional argument with Earl Hebner before sending Taka into the steps on the floor. Funaki cheats a bit and HHH is sent into the APA, drawing a great scared face from the champion. The APA destroys HHH and a dropkick from Funaki and a moonsault press from Taka get two. Shane comes back with Vince who tries to buy off the APA, which proves to be a distraction so the Boss Man and Bull Buchanan can jump them. HHH counters a rana into a powerbomb and the Pedigree ends this clean.

Rating: C. This wasn’t awful and while I don’t think Taka’s own mother would have thought he had a chance here, they threw something different out there which is usually a fun idea. Not a great match or even a good one but HHH was so hated that the fans wanted any reason to believe that he could lose the title, even on a crazy fluke.

The Kane funnycar won a competition.

We get a clip of T&A preventing Trish from being put through a table. T&A destroy the Dudleys in the back.

T&A vs. Hardy Boys

Sweet goodness does Trish look great in white. This is back when she was a shameless sex pot and no one was complaining at all. Test and Matt start us off. This was back in the period when I had no idea which Hardy was which. Matt hits a quick moonsault press for two but Test busts out his gutwrench powerbomb for two before bringing in Albert.

Albert fires off shoulders in the corner and counters a neckbreaker into a side slam. The currently known Tensai misses a middle rope legdrop and there’s the hot tag to Jeff. It doesn’t quite matter though as Test kills him with a clothesline, followed by a nice note from the referee that they have two minutes left. Everything breaks down and Test is sent to the floor. The Twist and Swanton out of nowhere get the pin on Albert in far less than two minutes.

Rating: C. This is certainly not a failure due to Trish in her outfit alone. Other than that, the match was ok due to the Hardys being masters of selling, especially for monsters like they had to face here. Test and Albert were fine for a vehicle to get Trish over and they certainly did that pretty well. The match was fine.

Post match here are the Dudleys with a 3D for Test. They load up a table but Trish stares at Bubba to distract him. Albert jumps Bubba from behind and chokebombs him through the table instead, enforcing Wrestling Law #1.

Val Venis vs. Big Show

Show is dressed as Val here which is a rather different look for him. At least it distracts from the horrible R&B version of his theme. Show does a bad sounding Val imitation but the mannerisms and outfit (pink trunks with the V) make up for it. Val tries to jump Show to start and is promptly knocked to the floor. Show misses a running boot and crotches himself on the top rope. A shoulder puts Show down and a middle rope elbow gets two. Val keeps running which ticks Show off enough that Show rips his wig off and chokes Val out for a DQ.

Show gyrates a bit to make people smile.

European Title: Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending in a rematch from last week where Chyna joined Eddie to cost Jericho the title. Jericho says he’s happy with the new couple but he isn’t sure which of them is the man and which of them has the bigger package. Jericho hits a fast backbreaker to start and the champ runs, hiding behind the referee. Eddie might have dropkicked Jericho low and takes over. Jerry makes some very dated Elian Gonzalez jokes, which apparently were old even then.

Eddie works on the knee and hooks a Figure Four, putting it on the correct leg and thereby making him more proficient at the hold than Flair himself is. Jericho makes the rope and doesn’t seem all that interested in selling the knee. Eddie charges into a boot in the corner and gets backdropped down as Jericho makes his comeback. Jericho loads up the Walls but Chyna’s distraction lets Eddie rolls Jericho up for two. Chyna throws Eddie the belt but before Eddie can hit Jericho, Eddie is knocked into the referee. Jericho hits the Lionsault but Chyna takes out Jericho with a DDT, letting Eddie get the pin to retain, just like last week.

Rating: C-. For a Jericho vs. Guerrero match, I was expecting a lot better performance here. This was almost the same match as last week which doesn’t exactly make me care about the feud that much. Chyna and Eddie went on to have a pretty big run together which was pretty entertaining at the same time. Not a great match here and Jericho’s non-selling was annoying.

The cage is lowered.

Terri wakes up the Kat who has short green hair now. Kat screams so Terri hands her a dog.

The Rock vs. ???

It’s pin/submission/escape here. The opponent(s) are Boss Man and Buchanan, as introduced by HHH and company. Rock fires away on both guys to start before the numbers catch up with him. Both guys beat him down and go for the escape but Rock pulls them both down in a nice display of athleticism. Rock goes to escape but Shane climbs the cage for the save, allowing Buchanan to crotch Rock for the real stop.

A legdrop gets two for Buchanan and Rock is still in trouble. Gee, who would have bet on him getting beaten down this much to start? The ax kick from Bull puts Rock down again for two from both big guys and they’re getting frustrated three minutes into the match. There’s a double suplex to Rock and things slow down a lot. A lot of choking ensues and Rock is sent into the cage.

Buchanan tries the one cool move he can do, a spinning clothesline off the top, but it hits Boss Man by mistake. Rock makes his comeback and hits a Samoan Drop on Bull for two before walking into a sidewalk slam from Boss Man for two. Rock knocks Boss Man down and sees Buchanan trying to leave. He hits Bull in the back and catches a jumping Bull in a Rock Bottom for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. Did anyone not know the ending from the opening bell here? The fans were into it but it doesn’t do much this many years later. At the end of the day there was no way Rock wasn’t winning here off a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. It sets up HHH vs. Rock though at one of the best shows ever so I can’t complain much about that.

Post match HHH and Shane destroy Rock with brass knuckles and a Pedigree. Rock is busted open and HHH says he’s done playing with him. The APA comes out to save Rock from a Pedigree on a chair and chase off HHH and Shane to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty weak show overall, but it would set up the best feud HHH ever had over the summer. HHH was just so freaking good at this point as one of the best heels of all time. You pair him with a guy as insanely popular as the Rock and there was no way they weren’t going to give you one of the best feuds ever. This show however was pretty dull with most of the matches not working and the main event being predictable. It set up better stuff down the road though so at least there’s that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 11, 2002
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another Twitter request which I’d love to get more of. Anyway the main event tonight is a pretty big match with the NWO vs. Rock/Austin in a handicap match. Other than that…..oh this is the go home show for Wrestlemania. That probably has something to do with the request, but it’s hard to say what to expect as far as quality. Either they’ll be on fire or they’ll be going at half speed because of fear of messing up Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Rob Van Dam/Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys/William Regal

We’re combining PPV match here, although the tag teams are in a four way with two other teams. Regal is IC Champion and cost Van Dam the Hardcore Title on Thursday. It’s a big brawl to start with Regal vs. Van Dam in the ring. Van Dam gets two almost immediately off Rolling Thunder. The arena is full of smoke so Van Dam and the Hardys have an automatic advantage. D-Von tries to set up a table for no apparent reason but Rob baseball slides it into his face.

Jeff comes in but Regal kicks him in the head to take over. What’s Up keeps Jeff down but he hits a Whisper in the Wind to take D-Von down. Hot tag brings in Matt vs. Regal with Matt cleaning house. Everything breaks down and it’s a 3D to Jeff, a Twist of Fate to D-Von, a Bubba Bomb to Matt, a top rope kick to Bubba, a spin kick to Regal, and a Five Star to Regal for the pin. The last three were all by the same guy.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here at all and I’m always a fan of putting two feuds together into one match. This doesn’t do much for the tag teams but it makes Van Dam look like a bigger threat to Regal and the title which is the point of this match. Not a great match but the ending was good.

Vince and Flair are at an emergency board meeting in Connecticut. Vince says the company is in a state of emergency due to Flair. He talks about how the company is falling apart because they have no direction. Actually this speech would be better served later in the year but you get the point. Tonight, Vince would like a unanimous vote for full owenership and control of the company.

Here’s Angle with something to say. He talks about how he got ripped off in his title match with Jericho due to Kane’s interference. Angle calls himself the Big Red White and Blue Machine which makes me chuckle. They have a match at Wrestlemania now and Angle is going to make that whole burning alive thing look like a paper cut. However, Kane isn’t the only one to blame for Angle not getting the title shot. It’s also the fans’ fault for the You Suck chants.

This brings out Booker in defense of the fans which is a surprise. The fans aren’t stupid. They’re beyond stupid. The fans have cost him his Japanese shampoo commercial and he doesn’t even have for Wrestlemania. This brings out Edge who says Booker is stupid (complete with clips of Booker being stupid on the Weakest Link, a trivia show that had a WWF week) and that he’ll be his Huckleberry for Wrestlemania. Booker says ok.

Angle says “You dang skippy, crystal clean with no caffeine.” Booker glares at him and Edge says Angle is just the Big White Machine. Angle tries a Spinarooni and we’ve got a tag match set up for later with Edge having a mystery partner. Edge asks for Angle’s music to be played so we can all practice our You Sucks.

Stephanie is in the back with HHH’s dog Lucy. She rips into the dog which is apparently a spoil of war in the divorce. HHH comes in and takes the dog but Stephanie won’t let him leave with the dog. A judge says the dog belongs to her because Stephanie told the judge how HHH mistreated Lucy. At least until the divorce is over. Did I mention we’re six days away from HHH being in the main event of WRESTLE FREAKING MANIA and they’re arguing over a dog? HHH throws the dog onto Stephanie and says she does stink, doesn’t she Lucy. Stephanie says she’ll introduce Lucy to someone that hates dogs worse than she does.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down and into the corner to start but Test punches him right back. Rikishi superkicks him down and hits an Earthquake before setting up the Stink Face, only to have Mr. Perfect, the cause for this match somehow, come out and distract Rikishi. Test hits a big boot for the pin. This was nothing.

Jericho comes in to see Stephanie and Lucy and throws Lucy off the couch. Stephanie CAN’T FREAKING ACT. The dog relieves itself on the carpet. Six days until Wrestlemania. I want you to keep that in mind.

And the joke KEEPS GOING as Jericho takes the dog for a walk. Jericho ties her to the door of a limo and leaves her outside.

DDP is at catering when Christian comes up. He’s DDP’s protege but it’s not quite working. DDP gives him a smiling lesson so Billy and Chuck come up and make thinly veiled gay jokes. Christian vs. Billy is made for later.

Back to the board meeting, which is totally cool to have cameras in of course. Vince shows a clip from Smackdown with Flair beating up Undertaker. Flair was arrested but he’s at the meeting anyway. I can’t remember his name but the cop is from OVW.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Al Snow

Goldie is defending. There are weapons in the ring to start so they fight on the floor to get things going. The champ loads up Shattered Dreams but Snow gets out of the way. There’s a fire extinguisher shot and the Snowplow gives Snow the title in like a minute.

Jericho tries to find air freshener for Stephanie and is going to an all night store to get some. It’s like 9:45 and they need an all night store? The limo backs up and apparently it hit Lucy.

Back with MORE DOG STUFF! HHH finds out what happened and Lucy is still alive. Help is requested. I’m terrified to think of what the payoff of this is going to be tonight.

Booker T/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/???

The mystery partner is….Big Show. I know Kane isn’t here tonight, but WHY isn’t Kane here tonight? I don’t think we’ve ever been given a reason for that. Booker and Show start with Booker hammering away to no avail. Angle comes in and gets thrown around as well and chopped in the corner. Apparently Kane has a concussion. See, that wasn’t so hard. A quick ankle lock is countered by pure power. Both heels are sent to the floor and Edge plays the Jimmy Snuka to Show’s Andre and dives onto both of them on the floor.

Back in and Angle charges into a Canadian boot but Angle Germans Edge down to take over. Booker comes in but gets kicked down as well and it’s off to Big Show. Off to Show vs. Angle and another kick to the face takes Angle down. A double chokeslam is countered so Show suplexes both of them instead. Everything breaks down and Booker kicks Show in the face as he’s trying the chokeslam on Kurt. Edge spears Booker down but it’s an Angle Slam and ankle lock for the tap out from Big Show.

Rating: C. Well it’s not like Big Show had anything to do on Sunday anyway so him doing the job is the only possible answer. Not a great match or anything but again it does some work for two matches which is a great idea coming into Sunday. Edge vs. Angle would get started later this year and it would launch Edge WAY up the ladder.

Stephanie freaks out about Lucy but Jericho has a plan.

Torrie, Jackie and Terri are in swimsuits at WWF New York to promote a Divas special. THANK GOODNESS Jackie is blocked out by a guy’s head.

Billy vs. Christian

DDP jumps in on commentary. Billy pounds Christian down in the corner to start and hits a Jackhammer for no cover. Fameasser is avoided and Christian has a tantrum on the floor. Page goes over to calm him down but it lets Chuck clothesline Christian down. Billy hits the Fameasser on Christian but Page Diamond Cuts Billy to give Christian the cheap win.

Christian turns on Page post match and we’ve got a European Title (Page is champion) match on Sunday.

Back to the board meeting and Vince gives a big corporate speech about how Flair is an embarrassment to the company. This is MR. MCMAHON giving this speech. Keep in mind, Flair is fighting Undertaker on Sunday, not Vince. The Board is going to go talk and then vote on either Flair or Vince.

Lita/Trish Stratus vs. Jazz/Stacy Keibler

I always loved how Lita looked in those tied off Wrestlemania baseball jerseys. Trish is just starting to get good and she has her signature look down now. Trish gets jumped and double teamed to start but let’s talk about Lucy! She has a broken leg apparently but HHH is on his way back. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz (the Women’s Champion) hitting a double chickenwing on Lita.

Off to Stacy for a corner leg choke but Lita realizes that she’s fighting Stacy freaking Keibler and slams her down. Off to Trish as everything breaks down. Jazz takes a double flapjack but Trish accidentally kicks Lita, giving Jazz a quick rollup win. Trish, Jazz and Lita would have a triple threat on Sunday for the title and for the life of me I have no idea why Trish didn’t win the title there but rather a month or so later.

HHH is back and he’s in ANGRY mode. He’s looking for Stephanie but Steph is coming to the ring. She swears it was an accident and here’s HHH. Stephanie runs but HHH drags her back to the ring. The only good thing about this: Stephanie tries to crawl away but HHH grabs her by the pants, giving us a great uncensored view.

HHH loads up a Pedigree but Jericho runs in and hits him in the repaired thigh with a sledgehammer twice. HHH thinks it’s torn again. The Game is taken to the back and Jericho takes the leg out again. See here’s the thing: why did we need the Lucy stuff? Take that away and do this angle and it’s THE SAME EXACT THING.

JR and Jerry debate if this was a setup or not. IS EVERYONE TIHS FREAKING STUPID???

Back to the board meeting because we haven’t been dumbed down enough tonight. Flair says he’s going to have his match on Sunday no matter what, so Vince gets a full vote of confidence, giving him full power back…..until Wrestlemania, after which the board can review the decision. Flair thanks the board for meeting tonight (despite the video saying this was earlier today) and talks about his match on Sunday. You have to remember that Flair and Vince hadn’t had any issues since February and it’s been Flair vs. Taker for the last month or so, making this even more ridiculous.

Hogan is fired up for tonight and for Wrestlemania and getting to face Rock. The NWO promises history tonight.

New World Order vs. Steve Austin/The Rock

This is the first time the NWO has ever competed together in the WWF. Rock and Hall start things off but a Hogan distraction lets Hall take over. This is a handicap match if that didn’t come through. Rock comes back and Hogan bails from the apron in fear. A clothesline gets two for Hall and it’s off to Nash. Rock pounds away but a sidewalk slam gets two for Nash. Snake Eyes puts Rock down and it’s off to Hogan.

Hogan pounds on Rock a bit and suplexes him down before Hall and Nash work Rock over a bit. There’s the hot tag to Austin who cleans house. Nash somehow botches a Thesz Press from Austin so Austin hits a spinebuster on Hall instead. Nash can’t even hit Austin in the head right so Austin clotheslines the Outsiders down. A big boot, the only move even Nash can’t screw up, takes Austin down and it’s back to Hall.

The fallaway slam gets two for Scott and it’s back to Nash. Kevin pounds on Austin in the corner and it’s back to Hall. A clothesline puts Austin down for two and now for the only time that I can EVER remember, it’s Hogan vs. Austin. Hogan pounds away with some punches and a chokeslam before tagging out to Hall. It only lasts 25 seconds, but that actually felt special. Hall chokeslams Austin down but the Razor’s Edge is broken up by a backdrop.

Austin’s comeback is stopped AGAIN by a clothesline but he takes Hall right back down. Hot tag brings in Rock vs. Nash and Rock cleans house….for about 20 seconds before Nash takes him down again. This feels like WCW all over again. Off to Hogan to clean up the Rock scraps, but Rock nips up to terrify Hulk. Nash of course stops the momentum and everything breaks down. In a REALLY anti-climactic ending, Hogan punches Rock, hits the boot and legdrop and gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Huge historical moment aside, this was a really odd match. It was basically a squash with the NWO never really breaking a sweat against two of the biggest stars of all time. Nash looked like he had never been in a ring before and the whole thing looked awful. Then again, this had Steve Austin vs. Hulk Hogan in a legal match so it gets an automatic pass.

The NWO cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was AWFUL. Between the two WAY too long stories that went nowhere, the matches sucked and it felt like they threw Wrestlemania together six days before the show. Austin vs. Hall, pretty much the third biggest match on the show, wasn’t mentioned until the last fifteen seconds. On top of that, Jericho is a total afterthought to both Stephanie and A FREAKING DOG. He’s the Undisputed WWF Champion heading into the main event of Wrestlemania and he’s playing third fiddle to a wife and a dog. Absolutely horrible show and one of the worst go home shows I have ever seen.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/25/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-18-should-have-been-hogan-vs-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 1, 2002
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was requested for some reason that I can’t remember. It’s the first show after the Draft and Flair is officially in charge. I’m assuming that’s the reason, but why anyone would want to see a show from 2002 is beyond me. Anyway, the main thing tonight is finding out where Austin is signing, and considering that pretty much EVERY face of value is on Smackdown, the answer shouldn’t be that hard. Let’s get to it.

If you’re interested in seeing how this show was set up via the Draft, here’s the review of it:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/10/11/monday-night-raw-march-25-2002-first-wwe-draft/

We open with Flair in the back holding the Undisputed World Title. He says this is the beginning of a new era and he’s going to do everything he can to ensure Austin signs with Raw. Also he’s going to present the new title belt to HHH.

Across the Nation debuts as the new Raw theme song.

The Titantron is the tilted one now instead of the regular rectangle. I think you call that a parallelogram.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T

Rob is defending. The idea that everything is new is being pushed strongly here. Feeling out process to start with Rob taking over via a hurricanrana. The stepover spin kick puts Booker down again but Rob charges into a hot shot to give Booker control. A knee drop sets up a chinlock by the challenger as things slow down. Van Dam comes back with some forearms and a monkey flip followed by the top rope kick for two.

Booker gets in a shot to the ribs but the ax kick misses. Rolling Thunder misses as well and there’s the Spinarooni and a side kick for two. The twisting sunset flip out of the corner gets two and a superkick puts Van Dam down. Booker loads up a superplex but gets knocked off and the Five Star retains the title. That was a quick ending.

Rating: C-. This was pedestrian to put it best. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it felt like they were just a step ahead of going through the motions out there. It’s not a bad match or anything like that, but even for a TV match this wasn’t that good. The ending didn’t help anything either.

Post match Eddie Guerrero returns after being off TV for almost a year earlier to beat up Van Dam.

Here’s Vince because he was gone from Raw for over six days and that’s too long. He’s here to pitch to Austin about coming to Smackdown. Security comes out but Vince won’t leave, so here’s Flair. Vince says money will talk with Austin so Flair throws Vince out. Vince won’t leave, so Flair says he’ll get Austin to come to Raw and we get a poll from the audience. Vince still won’t leave so Big Show comes out and carries him to the back. This accomplished nothing other than wasting about five minutes.

After a break we see more of Vince being carried out. What is the point of this? Vince has a mic with him for no apparent reason. He tries to take it back but Show literally throws him out of the building.

William Regal vs. Spike Dudley

Regal is European Champion but this is non-title. Regal is doing the brass knuckles thing at this point and slips them into a turnbuckle. Nick Patrick steals them back when Regal isn’t looking, so I’d bet on a fishy ending. Regal pounds Spike down with ease and beats him up for a bit with Spike trying to use speed where he can. A half nelson suplex sends Spike to the floor which goes nowhere. Back in Regal goes for the knuckles but can’t find them. Spike hits the Dudley Dog out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here as no one cared about the European Title at this point. Not that the title was on the line, but it set up a rematch for the belt next week which Spike would win before dropping it back to Regal a month later. The title would be gone in July so it’s not like this mattered for the most part. Nothing match either.

The NWO goes to what used to be the APA’s office and take it over. Keep in mind that the APA broke up on Smackdown and left their office in disarray and it’s in the same kind of disarray here on Raw, even with the cards on the floor.

Crash tells Bradshaw what just happened and he’s not pleased. Jackie leaves with Bradshaw and no one cares.

Trish is getting ready by bending over when Terri comes in. Trish is on the cover of the Divas magazine and Terri isn’t happy. Flair comes in and makes a paddle on a pole match.

Debra is outside Austin’s locker room and says Austin will decide tonight.

Bradshaw tries to beat up the NWO but the numbers catch up with him.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Raven is defending. Bubba takes over to start and drops some elbows before sending Raven to the floor. Our first weapons: a bag of oranges. Bubba stops to juggle and then blasts Raven in the head. Bird Boy comes back with a crutch and we head back inside. The Bubba Bomb is countered by a low blow and Raven beats on Ray with trashcan lids. A sleeper from Raven is countered by a stop sign shot as Lawler talks about the paddle match. Apparently the girls will be in bikinis.

Ray gets two off a Samoan Drop but Raven sprays him with a fire extinguisher while Bubba is loading up the backsplash. Ray doesn’t get down though and after a trashcan lid shot to Raven, the backsplash ACTUALLY HITS but only gets two. Not that it matters as the Bubba Bomb gets Bubba the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C. To give you an idea of what the Hardcore Title was doing in 2002, Ray won his first title here and would win his seventh before May. The title would change hands over 140 times in 2002, and it was retired in August. Think about that for a minute. Anyway, this was the start of Ray being built up over the summer before being fed to Lesnar and HHH, which probably was the right move.

Vince is on the phone in his limo. He says he’s not leaving and he’s signing Austin tonight.

Here’s Flair with the Undisputed Title to present to HHH. Flair talks about how important the title is and asks HHH to come out here but instead it’s Undertaker. He doesn’t like what’s going on here because Flair is insulting him by doing this. Taker says he should be champion because he beat Flair at Mania. Uh…ok. The fans give him the WHAT chant so Taker says to say what if you like to sleep with your own sister. Audience: WHAT! Note to self: don’t go to Albany to pick up women.

Oh wait there’s another reason Taker should be champion: he beat HHH at Mania, a year ago to the day actually. Taker thinks that’s showing him up and disrespecting him. The big man takes off the coat but here’s HHH. I’ve always liked the Undisputed Title but the big eagle one, as in the Attitude Era title and the Big Gold Belt are just perfect looking.

HHH says he’s the champion and that Taker can’t beat him again. Taker asks for a title match at Backlash and HHH says it’s on. HHH wants to fight now but Taker bails. The match would never happen because Smackdown got the first title match on PPV. Obviously that begs the question of why this segment took place, and the obvious answer is it’s 2002 Raw.

Hardy Boys vs. Mr. Perfect/Big Bossman

That’s quite the heel team. The Hardys’ music sounds faster here. Apparently it’s just Boss Man now. Jeff is sent to the floor and the two dead guys double team the brothers. Boss Man and Matt start with the Hardy in trouble. Boss Man misses a charge in the corner and starts drooling. Off to Jeff and the Hardys botch a double team move on Boss Man. To say this isn’t clicking is an understatement. A spinebuster from Boss Man gets two on Jeff as Matt saves. Perfect is sent to the floor and the Twist/Swanton pins Boss Man.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Hardys match I can remember in years. They just weren’t clicking at all out there and the match was a total mess. It’s hard to suggest that Perfect and Boss Man were the problem as they aren’t known to be sloppy. Nothing to see here at all and the match basically sucked.

Post match, Brock Lesnar comes out and destroys the Hardys. He had only debuted two weeks ago so this was still new stuff.

Terri vs. Trish Stratus

Paddle on a pole. They’re in bikinis and I think you can figure this one out for yourself. Trish wins in like 80 seconds. Nothing of note happened in between.

Molly comes out and beats up Trish with the paddle before Terri can get spanked. This is a heel turn for Molly.

Vince still can’t get back inside.

Austin wants Flair to let Vince in the building so he can hear Vince’s pitch.

We get a clip from Smackdown with Rock, Hogan and Kane getting ready for a six man. Kane: “Rock are you ready tonight?” Rock: “Well…” Kane: “IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE READY!” Rock’s reaction is priceless, as is his reaction when Kane calls his fans Kannanites.

Kane vs. X-Pac

Pac attacks in the corner but Kane slams him down with ease. A gorilla press has X-Pac bouncing off the mat but he comes back with an enziguri to take Kane down to his knees. A sidewalk slam from Kane looks to set up a top rope clothesline but a distraction from Hall stops the big man. We head to the floor so the NWO can double and triple team Kane which somehow doesn’t get noticed by the referee.

Back in and Kane launches X-Pac through the ropes on a kickout, which is the problem with X-Pac wrestling guys Kane’s size: it’s almost ridiculous to think the offense is going to work. A missile dropkick puts Kane down and with Hall’s help, the Bronco Buster hits. Kane powerslams Pac down after shrugging off the offense and hits the top rope clothesline. Not that it matters as the NWO runs in for the DQ before the chokeslam hits.

Rating: D+. I know the guy is talented, but man alive I’m not a fan of X-Pac against bigger guys. This just didn’t work at all, just like their matches in 1999, as it’s hard to buy X-Pac as a physical threat to Kane when Rock can barely knock the guy down. Nothing to see here and the NWO never went anywhere on Raw.

Bradshaw makes the save post match. Kane’s pyro takes like 15 seconds to go off for some reason.

Vince is back inside.

Here’s Flair with a contract to offer Austin. Vince comes out with a contract of his own and I don’t see this being much of interest. Vince talks about his intellectual sperm inventing pro wrestling (I kid you not he actually said that) and talks about inventing Pay Per View 16 years ago (it was 17 when their first PPV aired but whatever). Austin finally comes out to shut Vince up.

Vince immediately sucks up to Austin by praising the new WHAT shirt. Austin doesn’t care but asks about Vince’s contract. We get the WHAT stuff for a bit when it was still relatively new. Austin reminds Vince of all the issues they’ve had in the past and asks Flair if Flair wants Austin to come to Raw. After doing his best Daniel Bryan impression and saying YES about ten times, Flair gets nowhere. Both offers intrigue Austin but he agrees to sign with Vince. Vince gloats but Austin reminds him that it’s April Fool’s Day and there’s a Stunner for Vince. Austin and Flair drink, Flair gets stunned, Austin signs with Raw to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Read those last two paragraphs. That took almost thirteen minutes to get through. That sums up this whole show: a lot of time being wasted with almost nothing at all being accomplished. Raw in 2002 was nothing but a nightmare with Austin being the only top face on the show and he was a shell of his former self. The Brand Split took a long time to work and it never got to a point where it was great at all. Terrible show here with short and bad matches and an ending that doesn’t mean much of anything, given how obvious it was that Austin was coming to Raw.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 20, 2000
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Something you’ll often hear me criticize is a company giving us a match that was on PPV a few days or weeks earlier away on free TV. This show is the opposite of that case, as we’re less than two weeks from Wrestlemania 2000 and the main event of tonight’s show is going to be the scheduled main event for the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

This was a request from a colleague of mine named Adam King. Check out his site at http://kingsrecaps.wordpress.com/. He has some very good Raw, Smackdown and Nitro reviews that are worth checking out.

We open in the back with Vince and the Stooges. Cole comes up to ask about rumors of a big announcement, but Brisco talks of a tag team elimination tournament tonight. There are going to be tag matches all night with the winners facing off in a battle royal. The winners are #1 contenders. Vince has another major announcement for later though. Since there were WWF guys on Saturday Night Live two days earlier, LIVE from Chicago, it’s Monday Night Raw!

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Hardy Boys

I miss the King of Rock theme they used to have. Apparently this is the debut of that song. This is part of the aforementioned elimination series, the first of four matches in the series. Pac and Matt start things off and Matt gets his head kicked off very quickly. Matt comes back with a powerslam and back elbow before the tag is made to Roadie and Jeff. Jeff sends Road Dogg to the floor and hits a modified baseball slide which gets two back in the ring.

Roadie makes a brief comeback but Jeff knocks both members of DX down with ease. It’s back to Matt but he walks into a spinwheel kick from Pac again. Off to Road Dogg again but a DDT lets Matt tag Jeff again. Poetry in Motion hits Road Dogg and Pac is sent to the floor. And here’s Kane who wants to kill X-Pac at the moment. Tori, the chick that left Kane to be with X-Pac, tries to save. In the commotion, it’s Twist/Swanton to Road Dogg for the pin to send the Hardys to the battle royal.

Rating: C. Good choice for an opener here as the Hardys were fast paced and awesome at this point and DX was able to keep up with them. The Kane stuff had been going on for a long time and would finally be blown off at Mania. It’s amazing how much more developed the tag division is at this point than it is in modern times. There are enough teams for an eight team series to face the champions. Think about that.

Tori gets chokeslammed post match.

HHH and Stephanie are here with something to say. Speaking of good music, My Time was another awesome song from this era. HHH demands respect before he’ll get to the point. He says he’ll beat Big Show and Rock at Mania, but tonight Vince says he has a match that will rock the foundation of the company. “If it’s that big, I have to be in it.” HHH was awesome in 2000. He calls Vince out to announce the match but he gets Big Show and Shane instead.

Shane says that the big announcement must be HHH vs. Big Show one on one for the title. HHH says no because he doesn’t have to defend the title until Wrestlemania. The champ says he’d do it but Big Show doesn’t deserve it. This brings out Vince who announces that tonight it’s HHH vs. Big Show vs. Rock for the title, meaning the Wrestlemania main event is happening tonight. Apparently HHH has to say yes so Vince goads him into it, but only if this match never takes place again, meaning no rematch at Wrestlemania. Vince says kiss the title goodbye.

Rock is just getting here.

Godfather vs. Big Boss Man

Good night Godfather is over like free beer in a frat house. Boss Man and Buchanan charge the ring and both guys beat down Godfather. No match.

DX wants to know what in the world HHH is thinking. His response is making Rikishi vs. Kane.

Too Cool vs. Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Another Series match. Too Cool clears the ring before they even take their jackets off. Scotty and Dean get things going and the pace starts very fast. Dean is hip tossed down and Scotty moonwalks into a tag. Dean kicks Grandmaster in the face and it’s off to Saturn who is armdragged down and punched in the face. A splash in the corner misses Saturn and the Radicals take over.

Saturn puts Grandmaster on his shoulder and rams him chest first into the buckle. A superplex is blocked and Grandmaster hits a middle rope dropkick for two. Off to Scotty who is clotheslined down by Saturn and suplexed by Dean. The Radicalz change again without a tag because they’re evil. Saturn goes up but gets knocked down by Scotty and it’s off to Grandmaster again. Everything breaks down and Scotty loads up a double Worm, only for Eddie to break things up. A weak tiger bomb from Dean looks to set up the Cloverleaf but Grandmaster superkicks him for the pin to advance.

Rating: C-. Sorry for all the play by play in this but it was as much of a paint by numbers match as I’ve seen in a very long time. It wasn’t a bad match or anything but it wasn’t interesting for the most part with both teams just doing their thing. That’s the usual problem with tournaments: there’s no story to the individual matches and you get stuff like this a lot of the time: technically fine but not that interesting.

Kane vs. Rikishi

These two will be teaming up against Road Dogg and X-Pac at Mania for reasons that seem to be unclear to everyone. Rikishi has a bad ankle although it’s good enough to hit a Samoan Drop on Kane. Not that it matters as Kane chokeslams him down, only for DX to run in for the DQ.

Rikishi beats up DX almost on his own but the numbers catch up with him.

Benoit doesn’t like Angle and is going to prove his hatred for Kurt by beating up his #1 contender, Chris Jericho.

Rock doesn’t feel anything about the main event. He does however feel that Cole should suck on a monkey’s nipple. “What are you waiting for? Go find a monkey!” Rock says bring it tonight if we’re having the main event for Wrestlemania tonight. He’s always ready no matter when it is so let’s do it.

Angle comes out for commentary.

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho runs his mouth before we get going and Benoit jumps him from behind. They fight on the floor and then inside as Kurt says he’ll defend the title in a triple threat. Benoit takes over with a backbreaker for two. Jericho counters a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two of his own followed by a butterfly backbreaker for the same. Benoit suplexes him down again to get the advantage back and a clothesline gets two.

Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Jericho tries to fire off some punches but Benoit knees him in the ribs and drapes him over the top rope. Jericho ducks a clothesline and hits the flying forearm to put Benoit down. Bulldog gets two for Jericho and he dropkicks Benoit to the floor. Benoit gets in a fight with Angle and walks into a dropkick from Jericho. Angle throws Benoit back in and hits him with a belt, allowing Jericho to hit the Lionsault for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not the best match these two have ever had but any combination of these two and Angle is always worth checking out. Their triple threat was a great match and set up a whole summer of these guys fighting each other. The ending helped set up the three way in a few weeks so there was some long term value to this as well. Good stuff.

Post match here’s Bob Backlund for no apparent reason. Jericho beats him up but walks into the Angle Slam.

Backlund and Angle celebrate in the back.

Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman) have an odd moment with Benjamin Franklin. That’s not a metaphor or anything. A guy in a Franklin costume comes up and talks to them.

Holly Cousins vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

I can’t call them Head Cheese in good conscience in a match. Snow and Crash (Hardcore Champion) start in match #3 of the Series. Crash tries to get on Snow’s shoulders but gets caught with some headbutts instead. The Champion (Crash is the only one in the match) catches Al with a rana but Blackman kicks him in the back and comes in. Back to Snow as Lawler tries to explain hip hop music to JR.

Off to Hardcore who slams Snow and everything breaks down. The Hollies seem to screw up a double flapjack and here comes Taz with a referee. He beats Crash into the crowd which is somehow not a DQ and the tag match is now a handicap. Blackman kicks Snow down and we cut to the back to see fans trying to see the Hardcore Title stuff. We cut back to see Blackman holding Holly over his knee as Snow hits a middle rope legdrop for the pin to advance to the battle royal.

Rating: D+. The Hardcore Title constantly made matches a mess and this was no exception. The Hollies were former tag team champions but that was never really talked about for the most part. Head Cheese was a comedy team and it worked for awhile but thankfully they dropped it relatively soon after this. This wasn’t much of a match due to stuff other than the match getting the focus.

Edge/Christian vs. Acolytes

Christian dives on both Acolytes as they come to the ring. He and Bradshaw starts and the Canadian gets his head kicked off to give Bradshaw the advantage. Farrooq comes in with a spinebuster for two and Christian is in trouble. A very weak clothesline puts Christian down again but he comes back with a reverse DDT. Here’s Mideon who wants to be in the Acolytes and it’s off to Edge who takes Farrooq down with a top rope clothesline. Everything breaks down and Mideon hits Bradshaw with a mop by mistake, sending Bradshaw into the Downward Spiral from Edge for the quick pin.

The four teams are the Hardys, Edge/Christian, Too Cool and Snow/Blackman.

Test vs. Val Venis

Trish is with Test and debuted last night, selecting him as her first talent. Val gets an early advantage but walks into a full nelson slam. That doesn’t seem to have much of an effect as he pounds on Test in the corner, only to be whipped into the other corner incredibly hard. The pumphandle slam is countered by Val into what I think was a botched belly to back powerbomb of some kind. Trish gets up on the apron and unbuttons her coat to show Val her abs, allowing Test to roll up Val and use trunks for the pin.

Post match Val beats up Test until Albert makes the save, I guess officially forming T and A. Trish gets a mic and calls her boys off Val and names the team. Test gives her perhaps the most awkward hug ever and that’s it.

Video of Rock hosting SNL this past week. This was a huge deal as the first time had been to promote the original Wrestlemania with Hogan hosting. Rock got to show off some actual talent though, including singing a bit. Big Show, HHH and Foley were there too.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Hardy Boys, Edge/Christian, Al Snow/Steve Blackman, Too Cool

The winners get the Dudleys at the PPV and the champions are at ringside. Everything goes nuts to start with Too Cool having an early advantage. Scotty hits the Worm on Blackman and is thankfully eliminated by Snow, meaning Too Cool is eliminated. Edge dumps Blackman so we’re down to two teams in about a minute. Jeff takes down Edge but Christian takes down Jeff. Matt takes down Edge and Jeff Swantons Christian but Edge spears Jeff. Then the Dudleys get in and hit 3D on Edge and Matt. It’s table time and Jeff is powerbombed through Christian through a table. The match ends with no winner.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. Big Show

HHH is defending. We start fast with Rock taking Show down for two and a slam gets the same on HHH. Rock knocks HHH to the floor and Vince decks the champ. Rock Bottom gets two on Big Show as HHH saves. He gets sent to the floor again and this time Rock follows to hammer on him. Rock and HHH fight into the crowd and Show eventually follows with right hands to the Brahma Bull.

Back to ringside with HHH being thrown into Big Show. They head back into the ring and Rock is double teamed down into the corner. Show chokes away as HHH directs traffic. HHH drops a knee on Rock’s head (clearly missing by a good four inches) for two. While Big Show is arguing with the referee, Rock fires off some right hands on HHH but the Game punches him down.

Out to the floor again with HHH being sent into the steps but he goes back inside and is immediately stomped down by Show. A low blow keeps Rock down and one from HHH is just cruel punishment. HHH clotheslines Rock down and it’s finally time for the bad guys to get in a fight. You knew it was coming. Big Show beats on HHH but it allows Rock to come back with right hands for the champ and a DDT on Big Show.

A Samoan Drop gets two on HHH and the crowd is getting WAY into this. Chokeslam takes Rock down but HHH makes a last second save. A facebuster puts Show on the floor and HHH follows, only to get chokeslammed on the outside. Rock hits a spinebuster on Show but Shane hits Rock with a chair to break up the Elbow. Vince takes Shane down but HHH hits Vince and takes a chair from him. The chair goes upside Show’s head and the Pedigree retains the title for HHH.

Rating: B-. This was energetic and pretty fun but it’s a very good thing they didn’t go to Wrestlemania with this as the main event. The way they went wasn’t much better, but at the end of the day the only match that would have worked would have been Rock vs. HHH. Still though, for a Raw main event, this was certainly fine.

HHH and Stephanie are leaving and here’s Linda. She announces that the main event of Mania is now a fourway including Mick Foley. One thing I never got: why should Rock and Show be involved still? They lost clean to HHH here as triple threats are no DQ, so why should they get the shot again? Anyway, Foley’s pop is off the charts and he beats up HHH to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Not only did we have a show long competition which would eventually set up a triple threat ladder match, but we literally got the Wrestlemania main event on Raw. What more can you ask for from a free TV show? The return of Foley was HUGE and the whole show came off like it was leading up to the biggest and most important show of the year, which is exactly what they were shooting for. Very good stuff here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 27, 2012
Location: Bradley Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

The focus tonight is going to be on Punk, at least in theory. He attacked Lawler last week which will probably set up a match between the two of them because the WWE solution to a heel turn that isn’t quit clicking is always to beat up the King. Also we need to find out if Cena vs. Punk III is going to happen, which I think you already know the answer to. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard recap from Summerslam and last week.

Cole does the usual opening to the show but Lawler gets in the ring. He says that at the end of Raw 1000, he said something that Punk took offense to, and last week Punk kicked him in the head for it. Now Lawler wants an apology so he calls out Punk. Here’s the champ who isn’t pleased. Punk actually does say he’s sorry, but he doesn’t get how beating up a bunch of nobodies from Memphis makes you a Hall of Famer.

Punk runs down Lawler’s career and focuses on his time on commentary. After all those years, Lawler got a Wrestlemania moment and he couldn’t even beat Michael Cole. Lawler gets angry and Punk wants to know if Lawler wants a fight. Lawler says no but Punk keeps pushing it. Punk leaves and Lawler says he’ll think about it.

Jack Swagger vs. Ryback

Ryback takes him down almost immediately and slams Swagger’s head into the mat over and over. A charge misses though and Swagger shoulder blocks Ryback down. Vader Bomb hits feet but Swagger counters into an ankle lock attempt. Ryback escapes and pounds him in the corner. A BADLY botched backdrop results in Swagger being dropped on his head ala Sabu vs. Benoit in ECW. The clothesline sets up Shell Shock for the pin at 2:12.

Swagger says that’s it and yells a lot.

Lawler is still thinking about fighting Punk.

Natalya vs. Layla

Before the match, Vickie comes out and says to hurry the match up because she has something to say. Layla speeds things up to start and hits some nice athletic stuff, including a few rollups and a springboard cross body for two. Natalya kicks her to the floor and ties Layla up in the ring skirt. Back in and Layla tries some rollups before settling for a kick to the head for the pin at 2:48. This was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in a long time.

Vickie tells Layla to leave now because she’s done. Vickie talks about the Jericho vs. Ziggler match last week and complains about how Ziggler had to defend the briefcase. She says that the Board of Directors needs to look at the abuse of power and give it back to an adult like her. Cue AJ who skips to the ring and then snaps, beating the tar out of Vickie and sending her running away.

We get a retrospective of HHH’s time in DX, most of which apparently was in 2006.

It’s time for anger management with Daniel Bryan. He says he doesn’t need to be here because he’s calm and not a loser. A kid comes in wearing a goat mask and Bryan snaps. The doctor says that the kid is his son and he’s in a school play. More later.

Some actor in a WWE Films movie is the social media ambassador.

Punk has sent out a tweet about Lawler and that snaps Jerry. He gets on the table and talks about the people he fought in Memphis, one of which was Andy Kaufman. Lawler is in the WWE Hall of Fame and he got there by standing up to people when he needed to. The match is on tonight.

John Cena vs. The Miz

Non-title of course. Cena takes him to the mat to start with a headlock and we take a quick break. Back with Josh Matthews having taken over for Lawler. Miz is on the floor after escaping an AA. Cena bulldogs Miz down for two but the Champion gets in a shot to Cena to take over. The corner clothesline and top rope double ax gets two. Off to the chinlock as we actually hear about the movie Miz is going to be in. It’s the third Marine movie so take that for what it’s worth.

Cena easily counters out of it with a suplex but Miz hits the backbreaker and neckbreaker combo for two. Cena grabs the STF out of nowhere but Miz is near the ropes. Miz immediately kicks Cena’s knee out and DDTs him down for two. The Final is countered but Miz hits Matt Hardy’s Side Effect for two. Cena blocks the Finale again and starts his finishing sequence. AA gets the completely clean pin at approximately 10:00.

Rating: C. Not bad here and I’ll spare you my usual complaints about a champion losing clean. At least it was to Cena and not someone that was at about the same level that Miz is at. My guess is that this is so Cena can come out at the end of the show which is fine. I like that Miz has changed some of his offense since his return. It’s working pretty well for him.

You can pick from a tables match, a cage match or a No DQ match for the main event.

HHH is still awesome apparently. This one focuses on the torn quad. That would be the first torn quad. The pop for his return in 2002 is still amazing.

Bryan complains about having a bad boss and shows how insane wrestling angles are when you explain then out loud. The last patient for the group shows up and it’s Kane, in full attire including the welding mask.

Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella

Comedy match ahoy! Santino does a slow motion takedown and dances around on Slater’s back. It turns into a dance off but Slater punches him in the face instead. Slater puts him down and goes up but Santino keeps rolling away. Santino starts his comeback and hits his usual stuff before loading up the Cobra. Cue Aksana for the distraction but he hits Slater with it anyway and the pin at 3:14.

Rating: N/A. This was mainly dancing and the rest of the match makes my eyes roll. Next.

Brodus Clay/Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes/Damien Sandow

Cody and Sandow say they’re smart before the match. This is joined in progress after a break with Cody holding Cara in a chinlock. Off to Sandow for that spinning elbow before it’s back to Cody. Cara snaps off a rana and makes the tag to Brodus. A powerslam gets two on Cody but it draws Sandow in to break it up. Cara sends him to the floor and dives onto Damien to take him out. Brodus headbutts Cody out of the air and splashes him for the pin at 2:35 shown.

Back at anger management, Kane takes off his mask to reveal his second mask. Kane explains his entire character’s history and it’s absolutely hilarious. “I’ve buried my brother alive. Twice actually. And for reasons unclear, I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose.” Everyone else leaves and Kane chokes a guy named Harold who gets too close to him. This was GREAT.

More HHH stuff.

R-Truth vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan tries to suppress his anger on the way to the ring. Truth and Bryan actually fist bump before the match starts. The fans chant GOAT FACE at Bryan to tick him off. Bryan fist bumps Little Jimmy before firing off the kicks to Truth. Truth comes back with the spinning forearm for two and sends Bryan to the floor. In a funny bit, Truth grabs the mic and says that YES, we are in Milwaukee! That makes Bryan snap and he yells at the crowd long enough to get counted out at 3:05.

Rating: C+. Most of this is for the comedy alone. Bryan is on FIRE right now and when he turns face it’s going to be huge. Also, thank goodness they didn’t have a champion lose again. This was barely even a match but it worked well for the anger thing. Also, Bryan continues to get the loudest reactions of the night.

Bryan snaps and freaks out in the ring.

Here’s HHH for the big announcement about whether or not he’s retiring. He talks about how he wanted to retire before the ring retired him. You can’t fight time and he doesn’t want to be the guy who comes back for the nostalgia pop and comes out because he’s just getting a check. Lesnar has brought him to this point. HHH says he wants to come out here and be the Game and the Cerebral Assassin and beat up Lesnar, but he doesn’t know if he can.

If he can’t come back and beat Lesnar, maybe he’s answered his own question. HHH talks about how everyone comes out here every week for the fans and every time someone comes through the curtain, they hope the fans care. “I think that every time I’ve come to the ring, you’ve all cared.” We’re just ignoring 2003 now aren’t we? HHH starts crying and says thank you for letting him play the game. He drops the mic and the fans chant “thank you Hunter.”

Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus/Randy Orton

Ziggler comes out to Jericho’s entrance but says you’ll never see him again after last week. Cole explains the MITB idea in detail as Orton and Ziggler start things off. Orton hits a quick slingshot suplex for no cover as he has to take out an interfering Del Rio. Sheamus hits a shoulder from the apron to take Alberto down. Ziggler bails to the floor as well as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio sending Orton into the post and then back inside for Ziggler to hit a knee to the ribs for two. Off to Alberto who starts in on the arm as is his custom. Orton sends Del Rio to the floor and finally makes the tag to Sheamus as Ziggler is brought in for the other team. White Noise is countered but the Irish Curse hits as everything breaks down. Ricardo throws in the briefcase but Orton hits the backbreaker on Ziggler followed by the Brogue Kick for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: C-. This was nothing of note at all and really should have been saved for the main event of Smackdown. It looks like we’re getting Ziggler vs. Orton which is fine with me, as Orton seems like a guy who would have great chemistry with Dolph in the ring. Not much to see here but it advanced both feuds to a degree, which is fine.

Lawler asks Cena to not help him tonight. Cena seems to agree.

Kane comes out and Matthews runs off. Kane sits down on commentary for the next match.

David Otunga vs. Zach Ryder

Cole talks about social media and mentions Otunga being in a movie with “Holly” Berry. Otunga controls to start as Cole keeps trying to get anything out of Kane. It’s sad to see the fans not care about Ryder at all anymore, but can you blame them? Ryder goes up but gets tripped off the ropes. That means nothing though as the Rough Ryder hits out of nowhere for the pin at 2:24.

Post match Kane grabs Ryder by the throat but lets him go and chokeslams Otunga instead. Ok then.

Cage match wins the poll by a large margin.

AJ comes out and says it’s Cena vs. Punk at Night of Champions because she says so. Doesn’t that make the whole ending of last week’s show pointless?

CM Punk vs. Jerry Lawler

In a cage because the fans want it that way. Punk offers Lawler a free shot and it knocks Punk into the corner. This is non-title of course. Punk comes back with a neckbreaker as this match is going very slowly to start. As they’re going this slowly, I saw a report that says that Harold from earlier was played by Scorpio Sky, aka Mason Andrews from recent TNA fame. Lawler gets slammed onto the mat and Punk goes up the corner.

That goes nowhere as Lawler moves so Punk snap mares him down and hits a low dropkick. CM goes up again but gets crotched. Lawler goes for the door but Punk pulls him back in and drops a bunch of elbows. Punk keeps saying he’s the King of Memphis, Tennessee. Another neckbreaker is countered and Punk is sent into the cage. The fans think this is boring as Lawler makes his comeback. He goes up and drops the strap and the middle rope punch hits for two. Punk hits the knee in the corner and the Rock Bottom into the Vice for the tap at 7:40.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. Lawler looked old and slow here, which to be fair is true. The cage meant nothing at all here, because there was no point to putting this in a cage. But hey, the fans got to vote on it and that means people care right? Nothing to see here for the most part, but at least it ends this Punk vs. Lawler jazz.

Post match Punk goes under the ring and finds a chain and a lock. He locks the cage shut and puts Lawler in a chinlock. Punk appears to be bleeding from the forearm. He demands that Lawler say he’s the best in the world but Lawler won’t do it. Punk beats on him until Cena comes out but Cena can’t get in. Instead of, I don’t know, climbing the cage, he screams to raise the cage as Punk drops a bunch of knees on Lawler’s head. It finally goes up and Punk says he’s the best in the world before bailing.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was hit and miss all night. A lot of the stuff that happened here came and went and seemed to be to build for later matches. That’s fine, but it can get pretty dull at times. On the other hand, you had stuff like the Kane segment at anger management which was great. HHH’s promo was just a waste of time as no one believes that he’s going to retire in the middle of a pretty meaningless show in Milwaukee. It wasn’t a bad show but it came and went, which doesn’t really help anyone.

Results

Ryback b. Jack Swagger – Shell Shock

Layla b. Natalya – Kick to the head

John Cena b. The Miz – Attitude Adjustment

Santino Marella b. Heath Slater – Cobra

Brodus Clay/Sin Cara b. Cody Rhodes/Damien Sandow – Splash to Rhodes

R-Truth b. Daniel Bryan via countout

Sheamus/Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler – Brogue Kick to Ziggler

Zach Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder

CM Punk b. Jerry Lawler – Anaconda Vice

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2012
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s that time of the year again and I can’t say I particularly care about most of the show. The main events here are HHH vs. Lesnar in a match that has taken WAY too long to get to, Sheamus defending against Del Rio in a match we saw last month with Sheamus winning, and Cena vs. Punk vs. Big Show in a match that Show flat out does not need to be in. I’m not that fired up about this show again but hopefully they pull something off. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: Santino Marella vs. Antonio Cesaro

Antonio is challenging and has beaten Santino twice I believe in the past few weeks. Santino takes him to the mat to start and works over the arm with an armbar. Cesaro misses a charge and it’s Cobra time but Antonio knocks Santino down and kicks the Cobra to the corner. We hit the chinlock for awhile and the idea is now that the Cobra is in the corner and Santino needs to get to it. This isn’t exactly Jake Roberts but they’re trying at least. Cesaro rips the Cobra up and Santino gets all fired up. He fires off his usual stuff but misses the headbutt. The Neutralizer is countered and Santino has another Cobra. He loads it up but Aksana’s distraction allows Cesaro to hit him in the ribs and the Neutralizer gives Cesaro the title at 5:05.

Rating: D+. This was about what it should have been, stupid sock thing aside. There was only so much you could do at this point with Santino as champion so having him lose to Cesaro here was the right move. With all these new stars they’re pushing, they have to actually give a title to someone and Cesaro is as good as anyone else. Decent opener, but it kind of deflates the crowd before a show.

The opening video is about the 25 years of this show (even though there have only been 24 editions of it and WWE still can’t count) and the main events, mainly focusing on Lesnar vs. HHH of course.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Ziggler has pink sunglasses to go with the shirt now. Jericho is injured coming in and word on the street is that this is his last night or next to last night so that’ll likely come into play. The idea is that Jericho can’t win the big one anymore which is an interesting way to go. Ziggler runs to start but the old man chases him down and speeds thing up. Jericho slips on what I think was supposed to be a spinning crossbody coming out of the corner but it only gets two.

Ziggler gets knocked down again but he reverses a suplex and goes for the bad legs. Dolph tries to speed things up but gets backdropped to the floor for his efforts. Jericho loads up the springboard dropkick but Ziggler moves, sending Jericho crashing into the floor. Back in and Ziggler works on the ribs as you would expect him to do. After knocking Jericho down again he uses Jericho’s arrogant cover for two. That’s awesome stuff there.

A corner splash misses and Jericho dropkicks Ziggler to the floor. Back in and Ziggler charges into a boot followed by a double ax from the middle rope from Jericho for two. The Fameasser out of nowhere gets the same for Dolph and Vickie is freaking out. The Walls are countered but Jericho hits an enziguri for two. Jericho doesn’t seem like he’s selling the ribs at all here. The sleeper goes on out of nowhere but the Canadian escapes and puts Ziggler on the top.

In a cool spot, Jericho punches him in the head ten times while standing on the top rope before snapping off a top rope rana for a very delayed two. A jumping DDT out of nowhere gets two for Ziggler and now it’s Jericho in trouble. Jericho bulldogs Ziggler down but the Lionsault hits knees. Zig Zag gets two and the fans are getting into this. Ziggler goes to pick him up but walks into a Codebreaker, sending him to the floor. Vickie grabs Jericho’s foot as he throws Ziggler back in, giving Ziggler a small package for two. There are the Walls and Ziggler taps at 13:08.

Rating: B-. The selling in this was really getting on my nerves as Jericho didn’t seem like he wanted to sell at all. Based on this, I really hope Ziggler doesn’t cash in later to erase this match because it’s happened already. The match got better near the end but it wasn’t a masterpiece or anything. If the rumors of Jericho leaving soon are true, I don’t really get the idea of him beating Ziggler clean at all.

Time for a recap of Lesnar vs. HHH, this time being from Monday with Shawn getting his arm broken.

Heyman and Lesnar are in the back and Heyman says that tonight, it’s a fight to the finish, meaning the referee shouldn’t stop the match for anything. No word on if that’s the official rule or not.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

This is based off Bryan, Kane and Punk vying for AJ’s affections a few months ago. There was a month or so off in between there so the story didn’t quite follow up that well. Bryan tries to run from the monster to start but after the moonsault out of the corner, Kane slams him down and hits the low dropkick for two. There’s a big Daniel Bryan chant just before he gets his head kicked off for two. Bryan goes after the knee and kicks Kane to the floor where he hits the suicide shove, but Bryan might have hurt his shoulder. It seems to be ok though as Bryan hits a missile dropkick for one as he comes back in.

Kane starts his comeback with some corner clotheslines and a side slam for two before going up. Bryan escapes the chokeslam but gets uppercutted right down. For no apparent reason, Bryan punches Kane in the face and gets beaten down in the corner. It’s almost a DQ but Kane lets off because he’s mellow now. A kick to the arm looks to set up the NO Lock but Kane is too big and fried and freaky. The fans start driving Bryan crazy so his top rope headbutt is caught in the chokeslam for no cover. The tombstone is countered into a small package for the pin at 8:03 despite Kane’s arm clearly being off the mat.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but when you push the idea of this being a big deal of Bryan beating Kane, it might be better if they had had move than FOUR total matches (that’s ever, including a match on Raw like 3 months ago that Bryan won. This could have been the first hour main event on any given Smackdown.

Kane chases Bryan into the back and destroys Josh Matthews for talking to him.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Miz is defending because Rey beat him once on Smackdown ten days ago, which is all you need for an IC Title match at Summerslam. Rey is dressed as Batman for some reason. The blowup AWESOME balloons are back on the stage. Mysterio immediately grabs a rollup for two so Miz bails to the floor. AJ has tweeted that she’ll deal with Kane tomorrow night. Rey gets sent to the floor but he rolls through it to land safely. That was kind of cool.

An attempt at the sitout bulldog on the floor is countered by Miz throwing Rey into the barricade. Back in and Rey escapes a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two. Miz hits a kind of Abyss Shock Treatment for two which was a good looking move for him. Off to a cravate from the champion followed by the corner clothesline. Miz loads up his top rope ax handle but Mysterio crotches him to get a breather.

Rey heads up and hits the seated senton, only to get caught in a sitout powerbomb when he tries a rana. Rey kicks him in the head for two before countering a slam into a spinning DDT for the same. Rey ranas him off the top into the 619 but the top rope splash misses. The Finale is countered into a rollup for a very close two. And never mind as the Skull Crushing Finale retains the title for Miz at 9:13.

Rating: C. This was another decent match but it’s nothing that jumps off the page at you. Mysterio didn’t need to win the title here and Miz winning another match over a big name is certainly a good thing, but sweet goodness I did not care at all. The match came and went and most people didn’t care because there was almost no build at all. Nothing to see here although it wasn’t bad.

We’re roughly an hour into this and there’s nothing of note at all so far. It’s been the epitome of a meh show.

Eve and Teddy say nothing of note outside AJ’s office so Punk heads in to see AJ. After some exposition, Punk gets annoyed that AJ won’t respond to anything he says. He says he’ll retain the title tonight and AJ says nothing at all, nor does she move at all.

We recap Sheamus vs. Del Rio. Del Rio injured Sheamus’ arm before their match last month which Sheamus won clean. This month, Del Rio injured Sheamus’ arm before their match and then Sheamus stole his car. There’s nothing to this feud and no one seems interested at all in seeing it.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Feeling out process to start with both guys going for finishers early on. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, allowing Del Rio to kick Sheamus to the floor. Oh and Sheamus is defending. Del Rio sends him into the steps and it’s back inside for a chinlock. A neckbreaker is countered by Alberto into some kicks to the face for two. We’re only a few minutes into this and it’s already dull.

Del Rio pounds his own chest and shouts BROGUE but charges into a double ax from the champ. A charge into the corner hits post though and Del Rio takes over for all of a second. The shoulder missile from Sheamus is broken up and a Codebreaker to the arm from the top gets two. The armbreaker goes on out of nowhere but Sheamus powers out of it into a kind of powerbomb. White Noise gets two and it’s Brogue Kick time, but Del Rio hides in the corner.

That’s fine for Sheamus as he hits the ten forearms to the chest followed by some punches in the corner. Del Rio drops Sheamus face first into the buckle and the running enziguri gets two. Ricardo comes in for no apparent reason and loses a shoe as Alberto yells at him. Sheamus blasts him with it and hits an Irish Curse for the pin at 11:21 but Alberto had his foot on the ropes. Geez we have to sit through this AGAIN next month?

Rating: D. STOP PUSHING DEL RIO BECAUSE NO ONE FREAKING CARES ABOUT HIM! I like Sheamus but my goodness no one cares about this feud and now it’s going to go on ANOTHER month because WE WILL CARE ABOUT ALBERTO WHETHER WE WANT TO OR NOT. I’m so bored of seeing these two fight when it’ll be another arm injury for Sheamus before Del Rio finally gets the title you know he has to get. The wrestling was fine and the rating is probably low but dang man, give Sheamus ANYONE else to feud with.

Some soldiers are here.

HHH told the referee earlier to only end it on a pin or submission. Let them fight apparently.

We’re looking at Tweets from Shawn throughout the night.

Tag Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

The Players are challenging despite losing clean to the champs on TV a few weeks ago. Truth is also injured coming in because that’s a running theme tonight. Truth and Young start things off and I guess Truth is ok after the emphasis they gave to him getting beaten down on Raw. Off to Titus who has a bit better luck, slamming Truth down and putting him in a front facelock. There’s the tag to Kofi and NO ONE reacts when he springboards in to attack O’Neal. Boom Drop hits but Young’s distraction breaks up Trouble in Paradise.

The challengers make Kofi chase them around the ring, which lets Titus clothesline Kofi down to take over. Darren puts on a chinlock followed by a powerslam for two. Titus hooks a quickly broken abdominal stretch but as he tries a spinning Rock Bottom, Kofi counters into a DDT. Off to Young vs. Truth and the fans don’t react again. Everything breaks down and Kofi dives onto Titus on the floor. Young gets two on a rollup on Truth before the Little Jimmy retains the titles at 7:07.

Rating: C. Why? Why in the world would you keep the titles on Kofi and Truth, who haven’t done jack with the belts in months. My only guess is because of AW, because clearly the Prime Time Players, a decent team in their own right, need to be punished for something their manager said. This show is getting worse and worse as it goes on and that’s not good.

We recap the events in LA before the PPV. Basically, BE A STAR!

HHH vs. Lesnar is main eventing. Is anyone really surprised by that?

We recap the triple threat match which is Cena vs. Punk vs. Show. Cena is there because Punk is tired of being overshaddowed by him and Show is there because we can’t just have Cena vs. Punk which is an interesting match and because we potentially need a fall guy for Cena to win the title without beating Punk.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Cole gives the dreaded stats of Punk’s title reign, which are usually the kiss of death. Punk has pink trunks tonight which is a different look for him. Cole points out that Punk hasn’t main evented a PPV since December. Way to push your champion as a big deal there Cole/Vince. Then again that’s the idea of the angle but it doesn’t help much. Show takes them both down to start with his big man power offense and does the SHH chops.

Punk and Cena team up to beat on Show but he runs them over. Cole calls Punk and Cena an unlikely alliance. You know, because two guys against Big Show NEVER team up on him. The small guys finally put Show down but Punk can’t GTS him. Cena tries an AA but Punk breaks it up. Show takes over again and as you would guess, things slow back down. Cena gets knocked to the floor but Show misses a splash on Punk. The springboard clothesline is caught by Show and a slam gets no cover.

Show loads up the WMD but Cena goes after Show to break it up. Show spears Cena down for two and the small guys are down again. The Vader Bomb aimed at both only hits Cena but Punk saves the pin. Show and Cena go to the floor and the Big Bald catches Punk in mid suicide dive. He throws Punk into the ropes and heads back inside. Cena loads up his finishing sequence on Show to huge boos, only to get taken down by Punk.

Punk drops the elbow on Show for two. A kick to the head puts Show down and Punk throws on a Kofi Clutch but Show powers out again. Cena puts Show in the STF but more power escapes it for Big show. Cena’s middle rope cross body doesn’t work but the springboard clothesline from Punk puts him down. The running knee in the corner staggers Show but the bulldog is countered. Top rope Fameasser puts Show down and it’s a Koji Clutch and the STF at the same time for the tap.

Cue AJ who says restart the match. Show chokeslams both guys and gets two on both. Cena pops up and hits the AA on Show, but Punk throws him to the floor and pins Show to retain at 12:38 total.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here for the most part, but I’m glad Punk retained….I think. One thing: what in the world was the point in the restart? If you want to go with Punk stealing the pin then that’s fine, but why in the world do the whole AJ thing? Anyway, this probably leads to Cena vs. Punk in Boston at Night of Champions, which is what this show should have been. Still though, the match was just ok at best, just like every other match tonight other than the opener.

Fred Durst, Piers Morgan, Rick Rubin (music producer), David Arquette and Maria Menounos are here.

There was a WWE Film premiere last night. It’s called The Day, which is another in the long line of great titles from WWE Films.

We recap the pre-show match.

Time for the annual Summerslam concert as Kevin Rudolph performs Be A Star. I have never heard so much silence when a musician takes the stage Some Divas come out and dance with him. The announcers dance too. This just came and went.

Time for the BIG recap of Lesnar vs. HHH.

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock charges to start ala vs. Cena but HHH punches his way out of the arm. Brock gets the arm hold on and even jumps onto a standing HHH with it but HHH punches out of it again. A clothesline puts Lesnar on the floor and a jumping knee puts Lesnar down again. Lesnar gets sent to the floor for the second time and this has been almost all HHH in the first two minutes.

Lesnar gets back in and takes his gloves off. He takes HHH down with ease and blasts him in the back of the head, which is illegal in UFC. Out to the floor and Lesnar hits a hammerlock slam on the table. Back in and another hammerlock slam hurts the arm even more. Lesnar wraps the arm around the ropes as this is basically a regular match so far. The F5 is countered but Lesnar hits a big German suplex to take him down again. HHH grabs a DDT to slow Lesnar down but it’s right back to the arm hold.

That doesn’t last so it’s hammerlock slam #3 followed by HHH being sent into the steps arm first. They head to the announce table and Brock jumps off of it with a forearm to the back of the head/neck. Back in and Brock uses a freaking small package of all things for two. Lesnar clotheslines him down and the match slows down again. The Game grabs a suplex to finally get himself a breather and both guys are down.

The Pedigree is countered and HHH gets to do his fly over the corner bump. Out to the floor again and HHH sends Lesnar into the table to slow him down. Lesnar looks hurt, like legit hurt. It looks like his groin or ribs. Lesnar shouts about his stomach and things slow WAY down. Oh never mind he was apparently playing possum. If so that’s the best selling Brock has ever done.

HHH knees him in the ribs to escape the arm lock and does it again a few times for good measure. Spinebuster puts Lesnar down but the Pedigree is countered into an also countered F5. Pedigree hits on the second attempt but it only gets two. Lesnar hits HHH low but Armstrong (referee) won’t call the DQ as per HHH’s orders.

The F5 hits but only gets two, which only shocks about half the audience. The kimura (arm lock) finally goes on in full but HHH makes the rope….which means nothing here. HHH pounds out of the hold because that’s how tough he is or something. Out of nowhere HHH hits a second Pedigree but Lesnar no sells into the kimura. Lesnar cranks on it and HHH taps at 18:45.

Rating: B. Well, it’s safe to say they’ve lost the point of Lesnar already. This was a standard WWE main event style match with HHH getting in more offense in about 80 seconds than Cena got in through his entire 20+ minute match with Lesnar. Brock trying the arm hold about 10 times before getting it in good doesn’t make him look awesome or anything. It makes him look like someone with one move and no game plan at all aside from that. The match was good but when you go from Cena and Lesnar having a potential match of the year to this, it’s a pretty big letdown.

HHH gets to do the big “I don’t need medical help” stand up and walk out but the fans tell him he tapped out.  They play it up like it’s his last match.  Right.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t bad. It was the thing that’s far worse than bad: it was dull. The matches were all fine, but at the end of the day, pretty much nothing happened here. The only title change was on the preshow and it looks like we’re gearing up for more Sheamus vs. Del Rio next month, which is boring me to tears. Cena vs. Punk will be awesome but it could have been awesome here. The show wasn’t bad, but it was underwhelming. It’s a weak ending to a pretty good summer for WWE.

Results

Chris Jericho b. Dolph Ziggler – Walls of Jericho

Daniel Bryan b. Kane – Small Package

The Miz b. Rey Mysterio – Skull Crushing Finale

Sheamus b. Alberto Del Rio – Irish Curse

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Prime Time Players – Little Jimmy to Young

CM Punk b. John Cena and Big Show – Pinned Show after an AA from Cena

Brock Lesnar b. HHH – Kimura

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

It’s Summerslam time and honestly I barely care after this lackluster build.  Let’s get to it.We’ll start with the matches of course.

For the preshow I’ll take Santino to retain in some wacky manner.  It should go to Cesaro to just give him something to do but they’re pushing Cesaro too hard to have him win here.

On to the main card, I’ll go with Bryan over Kane.  Bryan hasn’t won a singles match in months but yet he doesn’t need to win at all.  I’ll go with him because there is no reason to have Kane win at all here.

Ziggler over Jericho due to the word on the street being that Jericho is done after Sunday.

Miz to retain I guess but honestly does anyone care at all here?

Hopefully the Prime Time PLayers take the tag belts as Kofi and Truth are some of the lamest champions I can remember in a long time, which is saying something for the freaking tag team titles.

Sheamus over Del Rio with a possible cash in for Ziggler.  I really hope they don’t put it on Del Rio and then have Ziggy cash in.  That move drives me crazy.

For the main events, I’m hoping for Punk to retain but Big Show being in there would point to Cena walking out with the title.

For the real main event that hopefully won’t go on last, it has to be Lesnar.  I mean…..it HAS TO BE Lesnar……right?

Overall, this is one of the weakest looking Summerslams I can remember in a very long time.  The world title match is dragged down by a combination of Big Show and Punk seeming to have no idea if he’s a face or a heel.  At the end of the day, Rock continues to loom over this company but at least now there’s an open spot to face him at the Rumble.  Other than that, we have Lesnar vs. HHH in a feud that has almost no heat on it because it was started and then not mentioned again for three months before Shawn turned into a scared coward and Lesnar turned into every other cowardly heel that runs from a fight on the roster despite running over JOHN FREAKING CENA like he wasn’t there.  But hey, it makes HHH look more feared and if anyone needs the extra boost, it’s HHH.

Thoughts/predictions?