Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight’s is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there’s definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I’d expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That’s probably a good thing though. Let’s get to it.

Teddy Long is in charge tonight.

Here’s Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can’t move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that’s all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here’s the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.

Something must have changed HHH’s mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn’t look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.

HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn’t about which of them is better. He’s tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn’t get the job done. He’s tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE’S GUEST REFEREE.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb…for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I’m assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it’s not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I’m legit shocked.

Rating: D+. The match was an overbooked mess but it was awesome. I’m not a Santino fan at all but it’s not like the title means anything on Swagger. The title died the minute Ryder lost it so putting it on Santino is just fine. I’m glad they didn’t turn this into a tag match as it gave me a legit surprise.

Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.

Rock is in Boston and he’s got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston’s faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena’s stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They’re an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There’s a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he’s a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.

Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids’ Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.

Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.

Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.

We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I’ve always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it’ll be full of moments. With everything that’ll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he’s just another name in Rock’s book. But if he wins, it’s the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan

Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven’t interacted at all that I remember. They’ve probably been in the ring together a few times but it’s been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.

Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They’re really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.

Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can’t keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.

Rating: C. See, this one helps as it actually gives us a new wrinkle in this story. Jericho has a pin over Punk now so the title is in some more jeopardy. That’s a big perk as until then, it was Jericho trying to make Punk tap which just wasn’t going to happen. Not a bad match either with Punk’s top notch selling helping a lot.

Off to Paul Revere’s statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We’d all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock’s version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.

Big Show vs. The Miz

Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there’s nothing worse than embarrassment. There’s no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.

Time for the third Rock history lesson. He’s in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.

Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.

Kane vs. R-Truth

Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.

As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here’s Orton. Truth grabs Kane’s foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it’s good to be back.

Here’s Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it’s exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He’s obsessed with breakfast cereal, he’s obsessed with how Cena looks, and talks about how many women he’s slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?

Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that’s never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He’s wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.

Rock says he’s never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock’s core, Rock is 6’4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena’s throat out. At Cena’s core, he’ll always be a little boy. And that’s it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn’t intimidate him one bit.

In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock’s height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he’s going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he’ll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that’s it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I’m assuming that’s his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena’s wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.

Overall Rating: A. I love and hate Wrestlemania time. It gives us great episodes like this one but it also reminds you of how bad the rest of the year can be. The key word for tonight would be smart. Everything had a point and made sense, which is arguably the most important thing a wrestling show can do. I’m fired up for Wrestlemania and that’s hitting at the right time. Great show tonight and I want to see more.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam

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It fits the story and if they have to go with another gimmick to it, that’s the perfect one.  It says a lot when this match has technically been three years and three featured Wrestlemania matches including one main event in the making.  That has to be a record.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 26, 2004
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So last night I spent four hours downloading a copy of this show. Then I found it all on Youtube. Anyway this is another request and it’s because the main event is an Iron Man match for the title between HHH and Benoit. The only other match on the card is a battle royal for the shot at Benoit at Summerslam. Let’s get to it.

We see the Diva Search girls in the back. Of the ten, five would wind up with jobs unless I’m forgetting some of them. Some blonde named Julia is gone. Michelle, Christy, Amy Webber, Joy Giovanni and Carmella are still in there. Oh and Maria so it’s 6/10. Tonight, the 9 remaining ones have to verbally seduce a former WWE star.

Clip of Benoit winning the Rumble then winning the title at Mania. HHH says the games are ending and tonight it’s the two of them for the title.

Theme song opens us up.

We go to the ring and it’s almost full. A few more come out though. Edge is one of the few to get entrances. He’s the IC Champion here. Matt gets one as well. The announcers don’t know what this is. Jericho comes out to a big pop. Kane comes out as well as JR and King are at a loss for words. Evolution (minus HHH) are in this also. Eric comes out and says it’s a twenty man battle royal and the winner gets the title shot at Summerslam.

Battle Royal

Regal is put out first. Jericho and Flair chop it out before Jericho and Edge team up to put Tomko out. Edge spears Palumbo down and the Canadians throw him out. RKO to Jericho but Edge saves him from Evolution. Flair hits Edge low and we take a break. Back with JR being way too excited. Kane eliminated Val Venis and Matt Hardy during the break. Matt came back in and beat on Kane but didn’t eliminate him.

Hurricane is out as are Rodney Mack, Rosey and a guy I didn’t recognize. I think it was Steven Richards. Tajiri puts Rob Conway out and Grenier is out as well. We have about eight left. Tajiri tries the Tarantula on Kane and is tossed out. We have the three members of Evolution, Kane, Jericho, Edge, Rhyno and Maven for our final eight. Flair goes up top for no logically explained reason. Edge slams him back into the ring for no logically explained reason.

Jericho hooks Flair in the Walls but Batista makes the save. Edge spears Kane down but he sits up. We take a break and come back with all eight still in it. Edge almost got eliminated during the break but low blowed his way out of it. Flair tries to chop Kane which goes as well as you would expect. Kane very carefully chokeslams him and it’s time for the battle of the bulls.

Batista and Kane slug it out (I remember watching this live) and Big Dave spinebusters him down but walks into a Gore to a BIG pop. Why is Maven still in there? Why is he getting to throw Flair into the corner for the (failed) Flair Flip? WHY IS HE CLOTHESLINING FLAIR OUT??? Rhyno Gores Maven and Batista throws Rhyno out. The Canadians go after Kane and everyone gangs up on him to get him out.

So we have Orton, Batista, Maven, Jericho and Edge left. Maven sends Orton to the apron but he hangs on. Orton manages to suplex Maven onto the top rope and then dump him to get us to the final four and a PPV level tag match. Jericho and Edge manage to get rid of Batista and Jericho turns on Edge to get us down to two. Slugout is won by Orton and he hits something like a spinebuster to take over.

In a smart move he tries a slingshot but Jericho hooks the rope. He pulls himself back in and grabs Orton into a fireman’s carry but Orton escapes as well. Jericho gets thrown again but he skins the cat. Orton clotheslines him to the apron again but he holds on with one arm. They do the Big Show/Benoit sequence but Orton lands on the apron. They’re both on the apron now and they slug it out. Both guys get knocked down but they hang on. Orton slides back in and hits an RKO (kind of) onto the middle rope then kicks Jericho out to go to Summerslam.

Rating: B-. I was enjoying this a lot more than most regular battle royals. These matches are always hard to rate because other than the Rumble, if you’ve seen one battle royal, you’ve seen almost all of them. This had star power and drama in it though which made this better than most. Good match and it gave us a mostly surprising winner.

Time for the Divas nonsense. What this has to do with getting a contract to be a female wrestler is beyond me but whatever. All nine of them have 20 seconds to verbally seduce a former WWE Superstar. Michelle starts first and it’s Kamala. She does the whole sexy teacher thing and yeah I’m not going to comment on most of this. Christy looks good in blue though. This goes nowhere and isn’t funny or anything like that. I get how it could be funny once or so but this happens NINE TIMES. This eats up like 8 minutes.

Smackdown recap.

Smackdown Your Vote at the Democratic National Convention. You’ll NEVER see this today. To be fair they went to the GOP National Convention as well and this was non-partisan.

Here are the Diva Search chicks in bikinis and numbers to call to vote for them. This went on OVER TWO MONTHS.

HHH comes in to see Evolution and Orton says it’ll be an honor to face him at Summerslam. He wishes HHH good luck but HHH says he doesn’t need it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is challenging and it’s an Iron Man match. They do the referee instructions and they say if there’s a tie, it’s sudden death. Slugout to start but it turns into more of a feeling out process. Benoit takes it to the mat with a headlock and into a top wristlock with Benoit bridging out of it very nicely. Crossface is attempted but HHH rolls out. Back in the Pedigree is easily escaped and it’s a standoff.

HHH tries to take it to the mat but Benoit gets the advantage. Five minutes in and HHH rolls to the floor to escape the Crossface attempt again. After a quick trip to the floor, Benoit goes after the knee. Benoit slams him at eight minutes in and stays on the knee. Chris runs into a boot in the corner and a DDT takes him down. Benoit comes back with chops but walks into the Facebuster. Pedigree is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but that’s countered too. He hooks a Crossface out of nowhere though but HHH rolls out, but Benoit rolls him up for the first fall with about 49:30 to go.

We take a break and come back with 46:15 to go and HHH in a chinlock. Snap suplex gets two. Off to an abdominal stretch as this has been almost all Benoit. HHH manages to send him over the top and Benoit hits his back on the apron. The Game rams him into the apron and starts working it over. Benoit tries a charge but gets kicked in the face, busting his mouth open.

Benoit tries to whip him in but falls down. That’s either good selling of the back or a rare botch. They try it again and HHH gets whipped over the top to the floor. Benoit tries a suicide dive but hits mostly the barricade. Both guys are down as we hear about the Pegasus Kid. We’re about twenty minutes in now. We take a break with both guys down.

Back with HHH still down and thirty seven minutes to go. During the break HHH went into the steps and might have a bad shoulder now. Benoit tries a Sharpshooter (in a rare misstep of psychology) but HHH escapes. Off to a freaky modified Indian Deathlock with thirty six minutes to go. Chris stays on the leg with a Figure Four and a decent one at that. HHH makes the rope so Benoit pounds away in the corner.

HHH hot shots him out for two with thirty three minutes left. Benoit is like CANADA POWER and hits rolling Germans to take HHH down. Here’s the Swan Dive but HHH rolls away. HHH sends him into the buckle chest first, which is apparently an injury from a few weeks ago. Pedigree ties us up at about halfway through.

Benoit rolls to the floor but HHH knocks him down again and front suplexes him onto the steps for a countout to make it 2-1. We take another break and come back with 25:30 to go and HHH whipping Benoit into the corner for two. Release suplex lands on the chest again and gets two. Another whip into the corner gets two. 23:20 to go. HHH starts working on the back for some reason but Benoit hammers him in the face with a forearm to put both guys down. A spinebuster out of nowhere makes it 3-1 HHH with just under 22:00 to go.

There’s another break and we come back with Benoit hiptossing him at 18:30 to go. HHH loads up a Pedigree but Benoit dead weights him and goes for a Sharpshooter but HHH counters again. Pedigree attempt #2 is countered into the Sharpshooter which this time is hooked. HHH is in big trouble as Benoit keeps pulling him back from the ropes. He FINALLY (not meant as a bad thing) taps out to make it 3-2 with 15:30 to go.

15:00 to go and HHH falls to the floor. Benoit follows him out and pounds away but HHH runs back into the ring. Back in Benoit charges into a foot but HHH jumps into the Crossface. He eventually gets his foot to the rope but Benoit immediately hooks it again and HHH taps out to tie things up with 12:00 to go.

Here come Batista and Flair and we take a break. Back with about 8:30 to go and Benoit getting sent to the outside. Eight minutes left and HHH blocks a sunset flip to send Benoit back outside. Batista sends Benoit into the post and the champ is busted open. That gets two with 6:30 to go. HHH pounds him down in the corner with 6:00 to go. Benoit ducks a punch and comes back with rolling Germans. The referee gets clotheslined and Benoit grabs the Crossface.

Batista distracts Benoit and Flair throws in a chair with 5:00 to go. Flair gets knocked off and HHH caves in the back of Benoit’s head with the chair. He covers but there’s no referee. Bischoff sends out another referee who counts two. Four minutes left and HHH clocks the other referee. Evolution beats on Benoit but someone comes through the crowd.

Of all people, it’s EUGENE, who is still one of the most popular acts in years at this point. He cleans house, beating up Evolution all by himself. Stunner to Flair and a Rock Bottom to HHH. Bischoff gets a right hand as well and HHH gets killed with the chair. Eugene had been beaten down by Evolution two weeks before if you’re wondering why he’s here. Benoit comes back in with 1:20 to go. Eugene throws the referee back in for the pin on HHH with six seconds left and Benoit retains with a final score of 4-3.

Rating: B-. The match is certainly good, but I see no reason at all here for this to be an Iron Man match. This easily could have been cut down to about thirty or even forty minutes and nothing would have been lost. The ending is ridiculous with there being nothing resembling a regular match for the last five minutes. Good match and it set up Summerslam, but absolutely no reason for it to be an Iron Man match.

Overall Rating: B. Good show with an interesting twist by having basically two angles the entire show plus the Divas nonsense. At the end of the day though, you can only complain so much about good looking women in swimsuits though. Fun show but it’s not something that would work every time.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 2, 2002
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the 500th (ish) episode of Raw. Shawn is in his final reign as world champion as he won the title in the first Elimination Chamber. HHH is of course next in line for a title shot because he’s always next in line for a title shot. That was the big criticism of this time period: way too much focus on HHH vs. Shawn and nowhere near enough elevation of new guys. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of last week’s RVD vs. Shawn title match. Rob hit the Five Star but HHH ran in and Pedigreed RVD on the floor. He also gave Shawn a backbreaker onto a chair.

Dudley Boys vs. 3 Minute Warning

We get a recap of the Dudleys stripping the tag champions (Christian/Jericho) of their clothes and then their towels. Brawl to start as the Dudleys clear the ring. A double suplex puts Rosey down but Jamal runs both of them over. Bubba and Rosey both try cross bodies and everyone is down. Double tag and here are Jamal and D-Von. Back to Bubba who pounds Jamal down.

Here’s something I really didn’t expect to see: Bubba hooks a cross armbreaker to control Jamal. D-Von works on the arm too. That’s not something you often see from the Dudleys. D-Von winds up playing Ricky Morton for a bit but he DDTs Jamal. This doesn’t work (thank goodness) as the referee misses the tag. A neckbreaker puts Rosey down and there’s the tag to Rosey. Something like a spear gets two. It looked more like a running Bossman Slam. Rico interferes and Bubba gets suplexed. Spike comes out to hit Rico and shove Jamal off the top. What’s Up Jamal but Rosey comes back in. 3D gets the pin on Rosey.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match here but going eight minutes was probably a bad idea for these four. 3 Minute Warning could only be so interesting in long matches which is the problem that came up here. The Dudleys had recently reunited at this point and it really didn’t help their staleness that much.

HHH and Flair arrive.

During the break, Christian and Jericho apparently destroyed all three Dudleys. Thanks for letting us see all this stuff guys. Spike was thrown from the stage to the announce table while D-Von was put in the Walls and got a one man Conchairto.

GM Bischoff and Chief of Staff Morely say nothing of note, other than he’s now to be called Chief Morely. HHH and Flair come in and Trips is mad. He doesn’t like the idea of having to face RVD tonight because the shot at Shawn is his and the title is his. Eric says he’s been more than fair to HHH as he handed him the title. If HHH wants the title back, give him some great TV. The fans seem to agree with Bischoff. HHH promises a trainwreck. There’s going to be a guest referee to be named later.

Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

Trish was rapidly improving at this point. Ivory grabs the arm to start and they trade control over that for a few seconds. Clothesline gets two for Trish. Ivory hits an enziguri to take over and rips at Trish’s face. Trish gets a neckbreaker to escape and they’re both down. Chick Kick gets two. A really bad Stratusfaction gets the pin.

Rating: D. Ivory was the Divas jobber at this point and she just wasn’t any good. Trish was getting there but it was clear she wasn’t quite ready yet. Not a good match at all although Trish in leather is never a bad thing. Ivory is another of those girls that I don’t think anyone ever cared about at all.

Jackie yells at Victoria in the back and my goodness I’m actually reaching levels of caring about Jackie even lower than I thought. She beats up Victoria and they have a match later.

Video of the WWE float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Al Roker calls King Jerry the Ring Lawler.

Jericho and Christian warn the locker room to pay attention to what they just did. Nowitski congratulates them and Jericho gets a pep talk for his match with Booker later.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Jeff Hardy/Tommy Dreamer

The foreigners hurt Dreamer’s jaw and gave him a concussion. The brawl starts on the ramp and Dreamer is in his patriotic jobber shirt. Jeff runs the barricade to take them both down. Dreamer and Storm officially start and Tommy hooks a Mapleleaf on Storm. Storm gets in a kick to the head and they work over the injury. Regal comes in to do nothing of note and Storm hooks a cravate. Jeff gets a tag but there’s no referee. While he tries to comes in, Regal and Storm throw Dreamer into the exposed buckle for the pin.

Rating: D. Let’s see: Jeff was never in, the match was short, and the injury that was already established was used again. I don’t get the point of this match existing as a tag match but whatever. Jeff would kind of float around for awhile before doing anything of note. I think he was released in 2003.

The heels try to hurt Jeff’s knee but Dreamer makes the save.

Flair sucks up to Batista, telling him to show some fire.

Batista vs. The Hurricane

Flair comes out with Batista. Batista jumps him before the match as the announcers talk about the guest referee. Gee, I wonder who it’ll be between HHH and RVD in a match to decide who faces SHAWN for the title. Hurricane has bad ribs from something not important enough to tell us about. Batista Bomb ends this in about a minute.

Flair tells Batista to powerbomb him again post match but Kane comes in for the save.

Terri asks Shawn how his back is and he says he’s here. Rob comes in and says nothing of note. He’s upset about the back injury Shawn has but he wants to be repaid for his loss of a title win last week. Eric comes in and names Shawn the referee for later. If Shawn doesn’t call it fair, he’s stripped of the title.

Booker T vs. Chris Jericho

Booker makes lame jokes about Jericho before the match. Jericho takes over to start and chokes in the corner. He comes off the middle rope and misses though as Booker takes over. Side slam gets two. The side kick misses and Jericho takes over again, this time with the springboard dropkick to put Booker on the outside. Top rope elbow to the chest gets two and we hit the chinlock.

A belly to back suplex puts Booker down and Jericho does a little dance. He goes up but gets crotched and superplexed to put both guys down. Booker hits a one man flapjack for two. Jericho counters a rollup into a Walls attempt but Booker gets a rope. Jericho argues with the referee, allowing Booker to his a missile dropkick for two. There’s a slingshot into the corner and Booker kicks him in the back.

Here’s the Spinarooni but Chris breaks it up with a bulldog. Lionsault misses and Booker kicks his head off. Here’s Christian for a distraction which means nothing. Small package gets two for Booker as Goldust comes out to counteract Christian. Axe kick puts Jericho down but Chief Morely comes out and says make it a tag title match.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but it was nothing all that interesting. That’s the problem with the whole show so far: the wrestling is just ok but I don’t care about anything that’s happening here. Smackdown was the hot show at this point and it seemed that everyone here was made sure to be less interesting than HHH.

Raw Tag Titles: Booker T/Goldust vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

We come back to Goldust getting two on Christian. The champions are rammed into each other and it’s off to Booker. Now the champions get things together and take over on Booker as Goldust is with the referee. Booker avoids a running charge at the ropes to crotch Christian and here’s Goldie off the hot tag.

Shattered Dreams on Christian and Jericho’s head follows Goldie’s boot. A VERY close two off a rollup gets the crowd fired up and start a chant disagreeing with the referee. Booker kicks Jericho down and hits the Spinarooni. Jericho sleeper drops Booker for two and the Bookend gets the same. The fans are into this now. A belt shot by Chris and a Lionsault keeps the titles.

Rating: C+. The crowd got into it and I have no idea why they didn’t just change the titles here in Texas, especially considering Booker and Goldie would get the titles less than two weeks after this at Armageddon. The match was pretty much by far the best match of the night so far.

Raw Retro is the destroyed Vince Corvette. This is for the Raw 10th Anniversary Special. Oh we’ll HAVE TO get to that nonsense someday.

Test and Stacy are making out and she has a marketing idea but Test wants something else.

Jacqueline vs. Victoria

Victoria is the Women’s Champion and this is non-title. The match is happening so that Jackie, from Dallas, can get a hometown pop in Austin. We’ll ignore that Goldust, actually FROM AUSTIN, could have done the EXACT SAME THING. Jackie basically takes Victoria apart but Victoria gets in a shot and the slingshot legdrop for two. Widow’s Peak is countered into a backdrop and wins with a big kick. For the record, this is Jackie’s first singles win on Raw since FEBRUARY OF 2000. It wouldn’t lead to a title win or anything like that. Were they that stuck on keeping the tag titles on the Canadians for thirteen more days?

Stevie comes out to check on Victoria post match. Back from a break and they won’t leave until Scott Steiner comes out to clear the ring. He’s a free agent at this point. Steiner hits on Victoria and reminds her that he’s Freakzilla. She says he doesn’t have what it takes and Stevie jumps him. A suplex sends him flying as does a gorilla press. Bischoff comes out and sucks up to Steiner. He has a special gift for Scott tonight and takes him to the back where a bunch of girls are waiting. However, he has a Super Freak in the limo. And it’s Stephanie. He would sign with Raw in like a week anyway.

It’s time for RNN BREAKING NEWS!!! This was a thing that Randy Orton did which I thought was brilliant. Orton had legit injured his shoulder and no one cared because he was a goofy kid that got on people’s nerves because he was so perky and excited to be here. The idea was that they were intentionally trying to recreate DIE ROCKY DIE but it didn’t work as well. The idea of the skits is that he gives updates on his shoulder, talking about how he has an irritation because of the sling and what percent its at and he treats it like world stopping news when no one cares. It actually worked really well as a heel idea.

Of course that doesn’t happen here because JR says we have breaking news that is more important. It’s Shawn and HHH in the back with HHH saying he wants the title. Heaven forbid we didn’t get this scene. Shawn says he’ll DQ HHH for doing anything wrong.

HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

Shawn is guest referee and the winner faces him at Armageddon. Also if Shawn isn’t a good referee, he loses the title. Flair is ejected before Rob’s intro. RVD jumps him to start and hits some kicks for early control. A few kicks get two each. HHH tries the Pedigree but gets backdropped to the floor. Out to the floor and Van Dam hits the spinning kick to the barricade onto HHH’s back.

Top rope kick to the face gets two. HHH gets a jumping knee but Shawn counts very slowly for him. Rob rolls him up and gets a very fast two count. Van Dam hooks a sleeper for awhile but the split legged moonsault misses. RVD misses a cross body off the ropes and hits Shawn who is down WAY longer than he usually would. Facebuster takes Rob down and HHH gets a chair. Shawn takes it away and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder for no count. HHH clocks RVD with the chair to set up the obvious match with Shawn at Armageddon.

Rating: D. Much like the match earlier, everyone knew how this was going to end and the match was just a formality. Van dam could have been any jobber and he would have had the same chance at winning here. That would be the case for a long time on Raw: it’s about HHH and that’s it.

HHH and Shawn brawl and beat up referees to end the show. Shawn hits the superkick.

Overall Rating: F. That’ll likely be the first on many when I get to Raw in 2002. From about September 2002 until roughly Wrestlemania 21, HHH dominated things and the fact that NO ONE WANTED TO SEE IT didn’t mean anything. Evolution would form in February of 2003 and no one touched HHH other than a quick run by Goldberg and a ruined Benoit title reign. Bad show here as it seemed like no one cared in the slightest, and who can blame them?

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 20, 2012
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s on to Ventura Country as we have six Raws to go before Wrestlemania. After last night, nothing has really changed. Cena beat Kane and Punk kept the title, so I’m not really sure what all I can say to fill in this space. Oh Undertaker will officially be on Raw tonight to confront HHH about a potential Wrestlemania match. That’s about all I’ve got so let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Cena/Kane/Ryder/Eve and that whole ordeal.

Eve and the Bellas are in the back and the Bellas are upset. Eve laughs off calling Ryder a great guy and talks about how she used him to get everyone talking about her. Now she’s got the big fish (Cena) on the hook and tonight she’s going to get him. She tells the Bellas to film her going into his locker room. Eve turns to leave and walks into Cena who walks away with a chuckle on his face.

Here’s Cena to the arena but before he can say anything Eve comes out. She says it was taken out of context but Cena cuts her off. She says they were friends and Cena said she cost him a friend in Ryder. Cena: “You made me lose a broski for a hoski.” And yes there’s a Hoski chant. Cena says she should hold out for Rock instead because they’re both scandalous and will use whoever it takes to get what they want.

Eve gets on her knees and cries as the fans chant a combination of Hoski and Rock. She jumps up and awkwardly hugs him but the referees pull her off. He says he’s disease free and would like to keep it that way. The fans chant Woo Woo Woo You Know It as she leaves in tears.

Smackdown is LIVE tomorrow night. Awesome.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Now here’s an opener for you. Sheamus vs. Bryan is official for Mania. Henry pounds him down in the corner to start but Sheamus fights back. He hits the top rope shoulder block for two. Hoeski is trending worldwide which makes me smile. Sheamus hits the forearms to the chest with the Wrestlemania sign above him in a cool visual. Henry pounds him down again and this a few splashes in the corner. Sheamus has some BIG red marks on his back. He escapes the World’s Strongest Slam and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:13.

Rating: B-. Not a horrible power match here, especially if Henry is just now getting back to full strength after his injury. Also that’s the first time I can remember Sheamus pinning Henry clean which is a good touch, especially after they split some matches last year. This was good for Sheamus to get a win over a big name.

Ace and Otunga are talking about the Chamber being a success when Teddy comes in. He says this isn’t his home and if it was, he wouldn’t be hanging with them. Ace says he didn’t know those three would come out last night. Teddy likes the idea of one of them running both brands. He says we should ask the WWE Universe. Ace says he doesn’t care about what the people think. It’s about what the Board of Directors thinks.

Ace rubs in that he’s taller than Teddy so Teddy calls him a pile of manure. There’s a ten man battle royal and the winner gets the title shot at Wrestlemania. Seriously, THAT’S IT? Also Otunga vs. a Smackdown guy tonight. Oh and Otunga looks like Pee Wee Herman’s fairy godmama in that bowtie.

HHH will talk to Undertaker later. This is set to……my goodness it’s set to Memory Remains by Metallica. I can’t believe I heard that on Raw.

Rock is here next week.

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Primo/Epico

Non-title here. Hopefully Kofi doesn’t get stuck in another tag team. Truth and Epico start us off and a clothesline gets two for Truth. Truth does nothing of note until the champs take over with some double teaming. Off to Kofi who cleans house with his high flying. Boom Drop to Primo but Epico distracts Kofi and guillotines him on the top. Not that it matters as Trouble in Paradise ends this in 2:20.

Jericho says he wasn’t eliminated last night. Jericho looks old here. He wants to know how Punk can claim to be champion after that. Tonight is the end of the world and he’ll prove it in the battle royal.

David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Well it is Black History Month. Otunga takes him down but Jackson hits his clotheslines. A splash misses and Jackson hits the post. Otunga’s spinebuster ends this in 1:36. Otunga’s music is awful.

We recap the HHH/Shawn stuff from last week. Undertaker is coming next but we only see his shoes.

Here’s Undertaker and I’m curious as to what the new look is like. He has a hood over his head but there doesn’t appear to be much hair underneath it. Taker looks skinny here. He talks about how bad it’s been having to spend the last year thinking about Wrestlemania. Taker talks about how this needs to happen one more time because the apocalypse of their generation of wrestlers is here. This is bigger than the two of them.

Here’s HHH who gets cut off quick. Taker says HHH’s excuses are pitiful and they have to do this. HHH says their fate is to continue this forever. HHH is here to make sure there’s a WWE in the future and Taker is here to be the leader. He won’t be the one to extinguish the torch Undertaker carries. He goes to leave but Taker calls him back. Taker wants to know if it’s bad for business if HHH is gone.

HHH says Taker knows it’s bad for business or whatever. Taker isn’t asking for redemption or vengeance or whatever. He’s asking for an end. Taker wants HHH to finish him but HHH will not be the one that does it. Taker says at the end of the day all HHH is going to see in the mirror is a coward. HHH goes off but just as he’s about to accept the match he catches himself. It’s still no. HHH gets out of the ring and Taker says that HHH knows he couldn’t do it because Shawn couldn’t do it, and HHH knows Shawn was always better than him.

That makes HHH take the jacket and tie off and get back in. He says this isn’t about being better than Shawn because HHH knows he can finish Undertaker. The fans chant prove it and HHH says he’s more certain than ever before. It’s officially on. If they do this, they go all the way: Hell In A Cell. NOW THERE’S A TWIST.

Daniel Bryan vs. Santino Marella

A big Santino chant starts it off and he loads up the Cobra quickly. Santino tries a rollup but gets caught in the LeBell Lock and it’s over at 54 seconds.

Kelly Kelly/Aksana vs. Bella Twins

Kelly starts but it’s off to Aksana quickly. That’s Nikki in there to start. She tries to throw Aksana to the floor but manages to fall out herself. Twin Magic and an X-Factor pins Aksana at 2:20.

We come back from a break with Cena in the ring. He wants to talk about The Rock who isn’t here yet but he’ll be here next week. Cena doesn’t like the Rocky chants anymore because Rock has become Dwayne. Rock has a team around him now instead of doing things for himself. Cena congratulates Rock for all of his success but he’s got a real problem with Dwayne Johnson. This isn’t about promoting a movie and he knows his movies were horrible. The one thing about Cena that lets him sleep at night: he always showed up and he never left.

As for Dwayne, the first chance he had he was gone. Then Rock came back a year ago and said he’d never leave again and then he left again. Cena says he’ll get fined for this but the only reasons Rock came back were to promote Fast Five and launch his Twitter account. Cena is here to fight for everyone behind that curtain who wants to be a superstar and stay a superstar. This is for people who say they’re proud to be a professional wrestler.

The greatest thing about April first is April 9th when Rock will be on a movie set watching his stunt double. Rock is going to have to kill him to beat him and the headline is going to say John Cena defeats Dwayne Johnson in his hometown at Wrestlemania 28. See you next week movie star. WOW.

Punk comes out in the suit jacket to do commentary for the battle royal.

Battle Royal

Big Show, Cody Rhodes, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, Great Khali, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Santino Marella

The winner gets Punk at Wrestlemania. Punk says Jericho’s entrance reminds him of a Lite Brite and he even sings the song. Ziggler has what appears to be a pink shirt tied around his waist. Everyone goes after Big Show almost immediately but it turns into a mod eliminating Khali. We take a break with nine remaining.

Back and Punk shouts Cole down saying that they’re back. I don’t think anyone has been eliminated. Kofi winds up on the apron and pulls Miz out there with him. They fight on the apron and Miz tries to throw Kofi back in for no apparent reason. Truth goes after him as well and Ziggler (minus the pink shirt) almost goes out. Cody and Wade try to put Show out but it doesn’t come close.

Show stands on Ziggler and Miz is thrown to the apron but he slides back in. He charges at Kofi and Truth but lands on the apron AGAIN. A double dropkick finally puts him out to an ERUPTION. Show looks at Kofi and Truth and hits a double chokeslam. Jericho grabs a Codebreaker out of nowhere. Zig Zag to Jericho and Cross Rhodes to Jericho. Winds of Change to Cody and Santino dumps Wade! And Truth! And then he gets his head kicked off by Dolph.

Show throws Ziggler whose head slams into the table in a SICK bump. Ok so it’s Show, Santino, Rhodes, Jericho, and Kofi. The announcers call for help for Dolph and we get an X. I think he might be legit hurt as that was a scary landing. Barrett’s arm might be messed up too. Kofi goes up top but Jericho shoves him off and Kofi’s feet hit the steps. Referees are running out to help Dolph and it looks bad.

There are four left. Jerry says he thinks Barrett has a broken arm and doesn’t sound like he’s kidding/kayfabing. Punk: “This has no bearing on anything but one of the EMTs looks like Rock N Roll Buck Zumhof.” There’s a stretcher for Ziggler. Show gets taken down by finishers and Santino loads up the Cobra and hits Jericho with it but Cody dumps him to get us down to three. Show throws out Rhodes and chops Jericho down. Rhodes grabs Show’s leg and Jericho’s throat. There are still EMTs with Ziggler. Jericho chokes Show to the apron and Rhodes helps get him out at 12:22. It’s Jericho vs. Punk at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C+. Other than Barrett breaking his arm and Ziggler apparently dying, this was a better than average battle royal. Apparently WWE needs more Buck Zumhof references. Jericho winning was obvious but at times there’s nothing wrong with that. Good match and good that the world championship closed the show.

Post match Punk gets in the ring and offers a handshake but Jericho says no and leaves.

Overall Rating: A. The wrestling wasn’t there (other than a downright nifty Sheamus vs. Henry match) but this was about launching us into Wrestlemania mode and they did that like I can’t remember in a very long. The build for the HHH/Taker match and the Rock vs. Cena match is incredible and the two title matches will be fine as well. I’m ready for Wrestlemania and that’s exactly what this show was supposed to be. Great stuff and I can’t wait for it. Oh and Cena – 5, Rock – 0.

Results
Sheamus b. Mark Henry – Brogue Kick
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Epico/Primo – Trouble in Paradise to Primo
David Otunga b. Ezekiel Jackson – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Santino Marella – LeBell Lock
Bella Twins b. Aksana/Kelly Kelly – Bella Buster to Aksana
Chris Jericho won a battle royal last eliminating Big Show

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After one of the longest mutual praise segments I’ve ever seen, HHH said yes, but they’re going all the way. The match is HELL IN A CELL. My jaw dropped open.

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 3, 1998
Location: San Diego Sports Center, San Diego, California
Attendance: 9,703
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re that much closer to Summerslam now as I can actually see this year starting to wind down. The main event tonight is another tag title defense, this time against Owen/Rock which should be interesting. Other than that we have a very infamous scene involving a clothless Val Venis. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the Nation to open things up. Rock and Owen beat Mankind and Kane on the debut of Heat (it used to be a huge show) to get the shot. They’re here to chat now though. Rock says the Nation is awesome and wants his title shot now but here’s Sarge instead. Rock says go get the champs but Austin comes out on his own. Taker comes out as well but kane pops up on the stage. Austin goes in and gets beaten down but Taker goes after Kane. Mankind jumps him. There’s a referee here. Is this a match? Oh there are like five referees so this is just a brawl. Austin gets a chair and clears the ring.

Marc Mero vs. Golga

Now this is a strange choice. Sable comes out with Golga for some reason. She says she has a surprise for Jackie as well. Kurrgan and Silva come out in tuxedos and sing the Miss America song. It’s Luna to cancel out Jackie. Sable jumps in on commentary. Ramming Golga’s head into the buckle doesn’t work and neither does punching him. Mero avoids a charge and takes Golga down with a middle rope clothesline. Jackie trips Golga so Luna breaks flowers over her back. Silva chokeslams Mero and Golga wins with an Earthquake.

Rating: D. Bad match here but the Oddities would begin to get a moderate push. They would have the ICP do their intro at Summerslam which to be fair was pretty cool. Kurrgan dancing makes up for almost anything though and the Oddities theme was always kind of catchy so why not. This was always kind of a guilty pleasure for me.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Godfather vs. Scorpio

Severn has pulled out so Godfather is back in. Severn says he has nothing to prove so there’s no need for him to be in there. Godfather I think debuts the offering the women instead of fighting deal. Scorpio says let’s fight and someone needs to check on Lawler. Godfather wins on points.

The Outlaws says they’ll take out Kane and Mankind. Roadie gets in a good line: we’re not afraid of you. We’re afraid of what we’ll do to put you do.

Kane/Mankind vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws jump Mankind on the floor while Kane makes his entrance. Mankind and Billy start but it’s quickly off to Roadie. The shaky knee gets two. The monsters take over with Kane pounding on Road Dogg. Billy comes in to try a double suplex but the Outlaws get dropped. Out to the floor and Mankind cracks Road Dogg with the chair. Billy hits Mankind and is clotheslined down by Kane. The Outlaws get Kane alone and hit the double suplex but Mankind uses the Claw on Gunn. This allows Kane to tombstone Roadie for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was more of a brawl and like last week, I don’t think anyone gave the Outlaws a chance at all. That being said, last week was a much better match because it was more wrestling based, as well as having Undertaker sell some stuff. It’s not a horrible match but it was pretty much an annoyance to the monsters rather than a competitive match.

Hawk apologizes to the fans for last week.

Hawk vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hawk starts off with his power stuff and Jeff doesn’t really listen to Tennessee Lee. Hopefully that leads to Lee’s dismissal. A charge misses and Hawk’s shoulder hits the post. Jeff takes over and hits a Russian legsweep. Lee tries to get his belt buckle off for Jeff to use. The delay lets Hawk hit a neckbreaker for the pin. I don’t ever remember Hawk winning a singles match without it being against a team they were feuding against.

Southern Justice jumps the LOD post match and Droz comes out to cancel out Jarrett.

Here’s Vince with his goon squad. He talks about the paths of Austin and Undertaker intersecting at Summerslam. Tonight there’s going to be a roadblock though as they’ll lose the titles. Vince brings up the post main event attack last match, implying that Taker was in on it when Kane and Mankind jumped Austin.

Vince requests that Taker come out now to explain himself. Taker comes out to new music and Austin follows him before anything can be said. Austin says he threw Taker a beer because he looked thirsty. Austin has the Smoking Skull title now. I’m not sure if it made its debut here or not. I didn’t notice it last week. Austin throws the mic to Vince and leaves the tag belts behind.

Taker shouts at Austin to come back and says that’s what Vince wants Austin to do. He says Vince wants to drive a wedge between them, so come and take what belongs to Austin, meaning one of the title belts. Austin does so, ticking off Vince. He tries to leave again but Taker says that Austin is the safest guy in the company right now, at least until Summerslam.

Rock says he doesn’t care what’s going on with the tag champions because they’ll be winning the titles tonight.

HHH vs. X-Pac

Winner gets Rock, presumably at Summerslam, for the title. HHH is introduced as HHH rather than HHH Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Tilt-a-whirl gets two for HHH. HHH controls early with his power advantage, which is an interesting sight given that he’s still skinny here. Pac comes back with a spinwheel kick to take HHH down. The Game comes back with a jumping knee (different than his usual one) which gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. Facebuster by HHH but Pac hits a great looking spin kick for two. Pac loads up the Bronco Buster but Chyna trips him. That lets HHH win with the Pedigree. Interesting plot twist.

Rating: C+. Not bad and HHH seemed to be surprised by that ending. I don’t think they would fight or anything after this but it set up one of my favorite matches ever which launched both HHH and Rock about five levels up on the card. The explanation from Chyna should be interesting.

Pac gets in HHH’s face post match but they don’t fight.

Val Venis/Taka Michinoku vs. Kai En Tai

Teioh and Yamaguchi are with Kai En Tai here, along with Yamaguchi’s wife. Val starts with Togo and it’s time to bump and grind. Oh wait Teioh is on the team and not Funaki. Not that it matters as Taka turns heel, joining Kai En Tai and attacking Val. The match is thrown out.

Taka reveals that Yamaguchi’s wife is his sister, which makes her a disgrace to him. Val is out so they carry him to the back.

Post break they’re still carrying him.

European Title: D’Lo Brown vs. Dan Severn

Brown says he’s wrestling this under protest because most of San Diego isn’t from America. Brown controls to start and Henry comes out to second him. Blackman comes out as well. Severn starts slowly but hooks a few throws to take over. And here’s Shamrock to beat up Brown for the DQ. Another unrateable match.

Edge jumps D’Lo as he leaves and then leaves as well.

Kai En Tai beats on Venis some more.

Here’s Tiger Ali Singh, basically Ted DiBiase Sr. but Indian and minus the talent and charisma. He offers any woman $500 per piece of clothing they take off. His servant Babu gets to pick the woman, and of course she’s rather manly looking. She takes off her top and it’s disturbing. She goes to take her bra off and Singh says no. He’ll give her $500 for every piece of clothing she’ll put on.

We cut to the back and Val is taken into a room with the chopping block and Yamaguchi has a sword. Uh….POLICE???

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/The Rock vs. Steve Austin/Undertaker

The Nation tries to jump them to start and it’s a big brawl. Taker and Owen officially start and Owen goes down to Old School. Off to Austin who walks into a spinwheel kick. Rock comes in and you can feel the fans getting into it quickly. I wonder if they had any idea what they had here. Taker comes in and we go from some of the best chemistry ever to some of the worst. I never remember a very good Rock vs. Undertaker match.

Just like the Outlaws did last week, the challengers work over the knee of the Undertaker. Owen kicks his head off but Taker manages to bring Austin back in. Austin runs over Owen and even tries the Sharpshooter (BIG pop for that). Back to Rock and never mind as Owen comes in before anything happens. Owen tries a Sharpshooter but Austin kicks him off. Rock comes in and hits Austin low but the referee missed it. Austin and Rock slug it out and clothesline each other. Double tag brings in Taker and Owen and a chokeslam gets two. Austin pulls Rock to the floor and a tombstone retains the titles.

Rating: C. Not as good as last week but there’s no way you can screw up Rock vs. Austin. There’s a chemistry there that might be the greatest of all time. The match was more of a brawl than a match but there was a better level of a threat this week than last week. It’s pretty clear who will take the titles off Austin/Taker but it’s still fun to watch.

Post match the monsters attack again. Kane swings a chair but hits Foley by mistake. Taker gets the chair but hits Mankind with it (poor guy) when he had a clean opening at Kane. Austin puts Rock through a table and the Outlaws runs out.

We cut to the back where the door is broken down. Val is sans clothes and Yamaguchi has the sword. He pulls it back and the lights go out. We hear a thud and the show is over.

Overall Rating: C. Not their best show again here but it has a pretty memorable moment. Also we got Rock vs. HHH set up. I think that could use a gimmick added on. Other than that there isn’t much here, especially not in the way of in ring stuff. That’s par for the course for the Attitude Era though so it’s not a huge issue.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 27, 1998
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 12,019
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Fully Loaded and we have new tag champions in Austin/Undertaker. We’re officially headed to Summerslam now which I believe is in four weeks. They’ll be defending tonight in the main event against the Outlaws. Other than that there isn’t much else to talk about. Let’s get to it.

We open with stills of Taker tombstoning Kane to win the titles and then leaving with both belts.

Here’s Taker to open the show with both belts. He talks about beating Kane last night and now he and Austin are the champions. They’ll be champions but they’ll never be partners until Austin apologizes. That brings out Undertaker who doesn’t believe what he just heard. Vince says that he believes there’s a conspiracy because he would have done the same thing Taker had done last night if he was trying to screw Austin. It took three tombstones to beat Kane at Wrestlemania but one last night.

Therefore, if anyone deserves an apology, it’s Vince. Vince is hurt after the chokeslam last week so Taker should apologize. Tonight the new champions defend against the Outlaws. Vince says he won’t leave until he gets an apology. Here’s Austin who tells Vince to leave because he’s got nothing to say to him. As for the apology, here’s a middle finger for Taker instead.

Vader vs. D’Lo Brown

Vader pounds him down to start and Brown looks for mercy in the ropes. Brown fights back with rights of his own and slams Vader like it’s nothing. He does it again and hits a moonsault for two. They go to the outside and Vader takes off the chest protector. A splash on the floor is enough for the countout.

Rating: C-. It says a lot when you get slammed by D’Lo. I mean….he’s D’Lo Brown. This went nowhere but I think the idea was to keep Vader strong so that when he’s jobbing for everyone else there’s still the tiniest bit of value to a win over him. The match itself was nothing though.

Here’s Droz’s World, which is a weird kind of reality show thing.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Bart Gunn vs. Steve Williams

Bart knocks him out in the third round, thereby making WWF want to blow up the whole thing because Williams was the guy they wanted to push as well as making JR’s soul die a little bit.

Ad for Sunday Night Heat in a mockup of the 60 Minutes clock.

Williams is helped to the back while Owen Hart comes out. Owen says he proved himself last night and issues an open challenge. Cue Jason Sensation in his Owen attire. He wants them to stand nose to nose, which means they’ll be miles apart. Jason starts a nugget chant but when Owen comes after him, we get Owen’s real opponent.

Owen Hart vs. Dan Severn

Owen hits him low and we’re ready to go. Severn is in street clothes. Owen tries a quick Sharpshooter but Severn gets out. Shamrock runs in for the DQ after about 40 seconds.

Ken immediately starts choking Owen out and Severn has to put Ken in a Dragon Sleeper to break it up. Blackman comes down to break up the breaking up.

After a break, Shamrock doesn’t want to talk.

Farrooq/Scorpio vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Bradshaw is on commentary and is very mad at Terry Funk. Scorpio and 8-Ball start us off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Skull comes in and does about as well as his brother. JR has no idea which is which. The bikers get Farrooq on the floor so Scorpio hits a huge dive onto both of them. Scorpio is in legal now and takes a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.

Lawler agrees with Bradshaw about Funk so Bradshaw grabs him by the throat and says call the match. Scorpio hits what we would call Trouble in Paradise to bring in Farrooq. He knocks one of DOA to the floor and Bradshaw goes off. He jumps Farrooq as well and it’s a DQ. Too short to rate but it was there for Bradshaw.

A brawl breaks out post match and Bradshaw leaves.

Rock isn’t worried about defending the title against HHH and X-Pac tonight.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. X-Pac vs. The Rock

It’s a triple threat, not a handicap match. That’s a new concept at this time so JR explaining it is more acceptable. It’s HHH’s birthday. DX double teams him to start and it’s dominance. Rock manages to clothesline X-Pac down but gets taken down immediately by the future Game. There’s the jumping knee to the face and it sounds like the fans are singing Happy Birthday.

Pedigree looks to pin Rock but Pac breaks it up because he wants to be the champion. I know it’s a cliched path for these matches to take but it makes perfect sense. HHH is sent to the apron and Rock whips X-Pac into him, sending HHH into the table. It’s basically a one on one now with Rock in control. Samoan Drop gets two. Rock hits the People’s Elbow and the place comes unglued. You can see it coming.

It only got two so there’s a Rock Bottom. Even JR wants to cheer Rock at this point but can’t quite do it. Everyone is back in now and HHH takes Rock down. X-Factor looks to pin Rock but HHH breaks it up. Rock rolls to the floor while DX implodes. He walks out and it’s a countout, so we have two winners but no title change. All hail Russo?

Rating: C-. This was back in the day when they didn’t have the idea perfected yet. Rock’s popularity is scary and I don’t think they knew what was coming when they finally turned him after Summerslam. Now they turned him right back at Survivor Series but I think it was more of a preview for his real face push in 1999.

The Outlaws say they’re not concerned about what just happened. They are however concerned about getting the tag titles back.

Brakkus vs. Jesus

Brakkus is a German musclehead and I think you can make your own jokes about his opponent. Spinebuster ends this quick. Brakkus would never be seen on Raw again.

Val is in the shower with Yamaguchi-San’s wife. She looks better with wet hair.

Val Venis vs. Brian Christopher

Before the match, Kai En Tai comes out…..with swords. Christopher jumps him to start and does that evil laugh of his. Kai En Tai has salamis now. Brian tries a piledriver but gets caught in an Alabama Slam. Scotty distracts val and Brian gets a DDT. Never mind as Val finishes with a fisherman’s suplex. This was another quick match.

Too Much double teams Val until Taka makes the save. Kai En Tai challenges Val to a match and then says after that “I choppy choppy your pee pee.” And yes, that’s what he means. He cuts one of the salamis with the sword.

Godfather/Mark Henry vs. Legion of Doom

Godfather is officially a pimp. Hawk is stumbling around and not in his shoulder pads. He falls getting into the ring and is drunk. Animal and Henry start things off. Off to Godfather and Animal works his arm. Animal reaches for a tag but Hawk is asleep. Henry drops a leg for two. Animal powerslams Godfather for the same result. Back to Henry who can’t even do a shoulder block right at this point. The Warriors try the Doomsday Device and Hawk falls off the top. Death Valley Driver pins Animal.

Rating: D. This was an angle that I was never comfortable with. It ended badly and naturally in Lexington because bad things happen in this town. Anyway, this was the start of the angle that more or less ended their careers and that’s probably the best thing for them as their age had taken a big toll on them.

It’s time for the trophy presentation for the bikini contest that Sable won last night. Lawler gets to present it of course. Mero and Jackie are here for this as well. Sable loses because body paint doesn’t count so Jackie wins, so says Vince. Sable says she knows she won and she isn’t surprised at this at all. She wishes Vince was man enough to tell her to her face. That brings out Vince who rips into Sable and calls himself a knight in shining armor. He can replace her but won’t as long as she doesn’t become ungrateful. Sable takes her t-shirt off and has on a bikini.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Steve Austin/Undertaker

Austin and Gunn start it and we’ve got a beach ball which Austin punts HARD. Billy tells Austin to kiss it, Austin flips him off. The first hard contact is a clothesline to take Gunn down but he bails to avoid the Stunner. Austin goes after him but Roadie gets in a shot. Off to Taker and Road Dogg the the Dead Man dominating. Old School takes the canine down.

He sets for the chokeslam but Billy chop blocks him. The Outlaws work on Taker’s knee with Road Dogg trying a stepover toe hold. Taker counters that into a leg bar in something modern Taker would use. He pounds Road Dogg in the corner but Roadie ducks a big boot and chop blocks the Dead Man down. After more work on the leg we get some heel (I guess?) miscommunication. Billy misses a splash and here’s Austin. He cleans house and pins Road Dogg with a Stunner in about 20 seconds.

Rating: C. This was a much better match than I was expecting. The Outlaws worked a decent heel match here as they went after the leg as they probably should have. Austin and Taker were never in any real danger so this was more of a formality than a match, and that’s ok.

Austin throws Taker a beer post match which he eventually drinks. Kane and Mankind run in to attack Austin and Taker helps his partner to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Not a bad show but it’s pretty clear that they’re just going through onto the next week until we get to Summerslam. The whole conspiracy went on forever and never really had a definitive ending. It would result in Vince going super evil though which was pretty interesting in the latter part of the year. Not a great show but not bad.

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We pretty much have a good idea of what the upper half of Mania looks like at this point.

Raw World Title: Jericho vs. Punk
Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Bryan
Undertaker vs. HHH III
Cena vs. Rock

My take:

I’m worried about this year’s show.  Other than Jericho vs. Punk and maybe Rock vs. Cena, is there any real drama in most of those matches?  The Streak will not end, Sheamus looks pretty much like a lock to win the title, and I’d be pretty surprised if Rock didn’t tap to Cena to end the show.

What do you think of these so far? What do you thing the rest of the card is going to look like?

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 27, 1999
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another request that I don’t remember. This is the final show of the year 1999 and the main event is Big Show, who I think is WWF Champion at this point. Also there’s a Pink Slip on a Pole match between Mankind and Rock. I’m not sure if you would want to win that or not based on the name. This was during the McMahon-Helmsley Era so HHH is in charge on Raw. Let’s get to it.

Here’s DX to open the show, which includes HHH and Steph. HHH says they’re running the show and they want something right here and right now. This is when the big screens that usually say RAW have pictures of HHH and Stephanie. They talk about the near perfect plan and that the only thing missing is HHH being WWF Champion. Tonight it’s Show vs. HHH for the title.

Stephanie looks and sounds so much younger here. She’s 23 here so you know she looks good. X-Pac vs. Kane tonight. HHH yells about Foley trying to raise a revolution and that Foley needs to accept that they’re the power now. Cue Mankind….er Mick actually. Tonight there won’t be a union or mutiny. He talks about how he used to think DX was pretty cool. 364 days ago (a rare admission that Raw is taped) they carried him around after he won the world title.

Now he sees a lot of young children running around and trying to hide from their mom and dad. He asks Roadie how it felt to have Test drop an elbow on him. How did it feel when Kane choked Billy down. As for Pac, he’s being thrown to the wolves tonight. HHH only cares about winning the WWF Title. Mick is in the ring now. As soon as HHH wins the title, he’ll drop DX. DX jumps Foley and Rock makes the save.

HHH says he’s sick of this and that the WWF isn’t big enough for the two of them and DX. Stephanie whispers to him and HHH says the Rock N Sock Connection will never team up again. Tonight it’s the two of them in a pink slip on a pole match. One of them is gone after tonight.

Kane is waiting for Tori to get here. Last week the Outlaws threatened Tori, costing Kane the world title. DX kidnapped Tori.

Chyna vs. Crash Holly

The Kat is with Chyna during their implied lesbian S&M period. Crash has been talking trash about Chyna so Chyna wants to fight right here. This was probably a little after Chyna’s peak. Hardcore sits in on commentary. Crash jumped Chyna to start but gets punched in the ribs and DDTed for two. A sleeper drop ends this very quickly.

Tori gets back and says she loved Christmas. She says Pac was a gentleman and Kane isn’t happy. She could have left but stayed to honor his commitment. Kane is puzzled.

During the break Tori ran into Steve Lombardi. They chatted and nothing was wrong. Test came in and put his arm around her and she freaked and backed away.

For some reason, the Mean Street Posse are doing the ring announcing, time keeping and refereeing for this.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes vs. Edge/Christian

The Dudleys have only been around since late August so they’re new and on fire at this point. JR still has to say which is which. Joey Abs is guest referee and Pete Gas says that the Posse is good friends with the Acolytes. D-Von and Christian start things off. This is one fall to a finish. Brown replaces Christian and Bubba does the same with D-Von. Sky High out of nowhere gets two. Back to D-Von who gets Farrooq. The Posse jumps Bradshaw and the Dudleys hit a reverse 3D on Farrooq for a fast count pin. Too short to rate but it was pretty bad. The Canadians were never in the match.

Bradshaw KILLS the Posse with chair shots post match. Pete takes a double spinebuster and double jackknife.

Tori is crying and Kane asks what’s wrong. She says Test touched her. It was innocent but she’s acting like he groped her. Tori says he violated her so Kane GROWLS.

HHH has bought Stephanie a diamond. Speaking of Rocks (that’s their transition, not mine) he might be out of them tonight. HHH also wants Angle to lose his undefeated streak tonight. Stephanie doesn’t like that but Kane and Tori come in and Kane demands a match with Test. Gee, that certainly gets X-Pac out of trouble doesn’t it?

Kurt Angle vs. Headbangers

Angle is still a goofy idiot and YOUR American hero so he makes sure to tell us about his Three I’s. I love this version of him as he was hilarious. He says that even though Greensboro isn’t that smart, but if they stick with Integrity and Intensity, they’ll do just fine. They have to tag. Not that it matters as Steve Blackman comes out, hits Mosh with a kendo stick and puts Angle on top for the pin. I think this was where Blackman wanted to end Angle’s streak. Depending on how you determine it, that would have been either Tazz (Angle passed out but didn’t tap) or Rock who pinned him clean.

HHH isn’t happy with Blackman’s interference. Stephanie had told him not to do that but he must have forgotten. Stephanie seems to think Angle is cute.

Mankind says that he’s sorry but tonight he’s going to have to do some unpopular things because he’s not ready to be fired yet.

Here’s Snow for some ranting. Snow is a heel here due to being shunned by Mankind for Rock. He says he’s not here for your entertainment. He’s been in this business for 17 years and he’s sacrificed a lot of things. And for what? These people? He won’t make any more sacrifices…but here’s Chris Jericho. Chris tells Snow to shut up to solve his problems.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Al Snow

Sunset flip gets two for Jericho and they trade pinfall reversals. Snow slaps him and Jericho gets all mad. They go to the floor and Jericho rams his knee into Snow’s head. Jericho tries a rana but gets powerbombed instead. Snow Plow puts Jericho down but Chyna runs in and hits Snow in the head with Head to save the IC Title. Chyna leaves all smiley. Chyna would get a title shot on Thursday which would result in co-champions. Snow’s heel turn lasted about two more weeks until the company realized they were trying to push Al Snow as a heel and came to their senses.

Mark Henry tells Harvey Whippleman that he has a lot of sexual frustration built up and he needs to be alone with Mae. However he needs Harvey to take Moolah. Harvey says no way so Moolah grabs him by the ear and chokes him as she demands they go. This can’t end well.

The Rock vs. Mankind

The loser gets fired. They’re friends so no one wants to start this off. Foley hits a quick shoulder block and goes for the pole but gets pulled down. The same thing happens with Rock but Mankind pulls him down too. DX is watching on a very small monitor in the back. Rock puts him down with a DDT but Al Snow runs in and knocks Rock out with the Head. He wakes Mankind up and tells him to go up but Mankind won’t take it that way and drills Snow, throwing him to the floor.

Mankind turns around and walks into a Rock Bottom. Snow yells at Foley and says he’ll never help him again. Rock goes up but Mankind gets a low blow to stop it. They slug it out but Mankind ducks the clothesline and puts Rock down with a double arm DDT. There’s Mr. Socko and Rock is in trouble. Mankind goes up but Rock stops him. They fight on the corner and Rock rams Foley’s head into the pole and shoves him to the floor. Rock wins and Foley is fired.

Rating: C+. This was an interesting match. The idea is that you can’t really criticize them for being tentative because that’s character driven. They’re friends so they don’t want to hurt each other but they have to do what they have to do to survive. This worked pretty well I thought although it wasn’t that exciting.

Foley gets a standing ovation and says he’s not ashamed to lose to Rock. He’s ashamed as to how it happened though. He was going to retire in the year 2000 but it’s still 1999. What just happened kind of sucks. He loved everything he’s done and please pop in a Mankind tape and know he loved this. Just don’t watch this match because DX sucks. His firing lasted like a week.

The boys thank Foley for everything in the back.

Ivory/Prince Albert vs. The Kat/Val Venis vs. Gangrel/Luna vs. Jacqueline/Viscera

Kat is Women’s Champion. Why this match exists is beyond me. Val and Albert start this off. Val gets caught in a chokebomb and a slam. He tags in….Luna? Albert runs over her so she hits him low and brings in Val to face Viscera. Gangrel comes in illegally and takes a spinebuster. There’s the Money Shot but Teddy Long (referee) says that’s not the right referee. Bicycle kick from Albert pins Val quickly. What a mess.

Time for comedy! Harvey/Mark/Mae/Moolah are at dinner. Mark reads Mae a poem and wants her in bed. Harvey doesn’t know a poem for Moolah so he makes one up that insults her breath.

Foley says goodbye to the guys in the production truck.

X-Pac vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy means nothing at this point so this should be a show stealer. Not that it would be hard but you get the idea. Matt comes out with Jeff, as does their valet Terri. Jeff avoids some suplexes and dropkicks Pac down. Out to the floor and Jeff hits a sweet baseball slide. Whisper in the Wind to a grounded X-Pac misses and Pac takes over. Jeff comes back and a headscissors sends Pac to the floor. He runs the railing but X-Pac hits him in the ribs on the way down. Terri comes in and helps Jeff with Poetry in Motion. Swanton (called a Senton here) gets two. Jeff tries a moonsault but Pac kicks him low and hits the X-Factor for the pin.

Rating: B-. It was good but not as good as you would have expected. Jeff had nothing to lose here so he went up in the air as much as he could. That being said, he was still really young here (22) so he wasn’t quite ready to do all the flying and flips that he was supposed to be able to do here. Good high flying match though.

Back to the date and a fan asks Henry for an autograph. Harvey tries to help him spell it and the fan asks Henry why he’s such a loser. MAE HITS THE GUY IN THE CHEST! Moolah chokes him until Henry saves the guy. Mae and Mark leave to cuddle.

Kane vs. Test

Test tries to explain to Test what happened but then says give Tori Prozac or Midol. However he’ll fight if that’s what Kane wants. Kane hammers him into the corner and Tori eggs him on. Test gets some offense in but goes to the floor for some reason. Kane hits Test in the face with the steps which isn’t a DQ somehow. Now he shoves the referee and that’s the DQ. This was a beating, not a match.

Tori slaps Test post match.

Foley is still saying goodbye so HHH and Stephanie are going to send security to get rid of him.

Big Show says everything is a game anymore and the game is being run by HHH. He’s squashed everyone he’s been against and tonight, it’s Game Over.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Too Cool

Rikishi comes out for moral support. Road Dogg and Scotty start and Scotty speeds things up to start. Here comes the Worm (centipede according to Lawler so maybe it’s not perfected yet) but Dogg pops up and punches Scotty down. Off to Billy (in a sky blue t-shirt) who is in for about 5 seconds. Roadie misses a middle rope legdrop and here’s Grandmaster. Scotty and Billy fight on the floor as Rikishi takes Billy out. Sexay hits what we would call the Skull Crushing Finale and a top rope legdrop to Roadie but X-Pac comes in with an X-Factor to let Road Dogg get the pin. Short and average.

Rikishi piledrives Road Dogg post match and destroys X-Pac with a belly to belly. The Outlaws save him from the Banzai Drop though. Too Cool does get to dance though.

HHH and Stephanie have Foley thrown out.

Mae and Mark are in bed while Moolah and Harvey are in the other one. No clothing can be seen anywhere. COMEDY!

WWF Title: Big Show vs. HHH

Show still has long hair here. HHH makes this no DQ and tells DX to stay away but doesn’t sound that serious. HHH slugs him back into the corner but Show throws him in even harder. HHH knocks him to the floor and counters Show, ramming him into the post. Back in and Show Shows Up. There goes the referee and here comes DX. Roadie hits him low and Billy hits him with the belt.

That only gets two though and here comes Big Show. He knocks everyone down and powerslams HHH for two. Here comes Stephanie as it’s already 4-1. Show takes the Outlaws down with a flying clothesline and chokeslams X-Pac. Steph gives HHH a chair which caves his head in but Mankind runs in and hits HHH with the chair. Chokeslam ends this.

Rating: C-. Vince Russo may have left a few months earlier but his style was still firmly in place. This was a Russo main event with added gimmicks and run-ins galore (5 in a 6 minute match. That has to be some sort of record) on top of two chair shots and a ref bump. The match was nothing of note and Show winning capped off a bad night.

Overall Rating: C-. I have no idea if this show was any good or not. That’s due to 1999’s major strength/flaw (depending on where you sit): everything goes by so fast that you can’t tell if something was good or not because you’re busy looking at the other stuff. As for the stuff happening on this show, most of it didn’t matter as HHH would win the title the following week and Foley would be reinstated the week thereafter. That’s 1999 booking for you in a nutshell, and it was the most successful year WWF ever had by about a mile. Ok show, but not if you want in ring action.

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