IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2004-they-couldnt-wait-any-longer/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

The old version was awful so here’s a slightly better look.

IMG Credit: WWE

Fully Loaded 1999
Date: July 25, 1999
Location: Marine Midland Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 16,605
Commentators: Jim Ross Jerry Lawler

Since just having Undertaker vs. Austin for the title isn’t enough, there are a couple stipulations added on top. If Austin loses, he loses the title and the chance to ever challenge for the belt again. If Undertaker loses, Vince McMahon can never appear on WWE TV again. Or for a few weeks, whichever comes first. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Austin vs. McMahon (of course) with the idea that one of them has to go. This is set to an old song with clips of soldiers returning from war and famous goodbye speeches, including Lou Gehrig’s.

Earlier tonight, Undertaker attacked Austin and busted him open as the McMahons looked on.

Austin is looked at by a doctor.

The McMahons deny having anything to do with the attack. Vince guarantees Austin loses tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Jeff Jarrett

Edge is actually defending after winning the title the previous night at a house show. Jeff has Debra with him, who comes out in a green bikini with a jacket. Before the match, Jeff says no one is seeing the Puppies because they belong to him, just like that title. Feeling out process to start with Edge taking him to the mat for a half nelson rollup. Edge fakes Jarrett out with a middle rope cross body and gets two more off a sunset flip.

Jarrett grabs the title and teases walking out but uses it to sucker Edge out to the floor for a whip into the steps. Back in and Jeff starts going after the legs in his best Ric Flair impression, minus the charisma of course. Things get even better when Edge goes shoulder first into the post. Jeff switches over to the arm (to be fair he had barely started on the leg) before flapjacking the champ for two.

It’s off to the sleeper for a bit until Edge counters into one of his own and even backflips out of the belly to back suplex into a rollup for two. Edge falls head first into a low blow, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Jeff is ready for the spear though and sends Edge outside, only to have the lights go out so Gangrel (recently split off from the Brood) can come out and……get beaten down by Edge.

Back in and a quick sitout powerbomb gets two for the champ as there’s a pool of blood on the floor from a missed Bloodbath (a Brood trademark where the lights would go out and someone would wind up covered in a red liquid) on the floor. Debra gets up for a distraction so Gangrel can snap Edge’s throat across the top though, setting up Jarrett’s forward legsweep (later known as the Stroke) for the pin and the title at 13:20.

Rating: B-. It was a bit too long but this was quite the opening match. Edge was getting better every day at this point and Jarrett was exactly the kind of opponent to make him look good. Jarrett gets a lot of flack for some stuff that he’s done but he’s a perfectly capable midcard hand who could have spent years putting people over and guaranteed himself a very nice career.

Austin is bandaged up and storms out of the trainer’s room. Jarrett is still in the ring as Austin comes out to give him a Stunner and let off some steam. With blood coming through the bandage, Austin promises that Undertaker is going into the match with stitches in his head too.

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardy Boys/Michael Hayes

The Hardys are defending after winning the titles from the Acolytes in a big upset. Hayes, the Hardys’ manager, is added in here because the Acolytes are that confident of their victory. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with the challengers taking over on the far smaller champions. Hayes gets isolated and hit in the head with the steps. We finally get the opening bell with the Acolytes still in full control until Matt moonsaults off the top to take them both out.

Poetry in Motion hits Faarooq in the corner and Jeff’s Senton (not yet Swanton) gets two. We finally settle down to the regular match as Bradshaw puts Matt down before handing it off to Faarooq for two off a backbreaker. Hayes comes in and gets beaten down just as quickly but a quick running kick to Faarooq’s chest allows the tag off to Jeff. Things don’t go so well for him though as a powerslam lets the Acolytes take over again.

We hit the chinlock but Jeff fights up and dives over for the tag off to Matt. A quick Twist of Fate gets two on Faarooq but Bradshaw comes back in with a belly to back suplex for two on Matt. Jeff hits Bradshaw with Hayes’ cane (the same way they won the titles in the first place) for the same result. The Acolytes finally get smart and double powerbomb Hayes for the pin and the titles at 10:03.

Rating: B-. The ending made sense here and really was the only way they could go. You don’t want a face team to have to cheat to win all the time but it was clear that the Hardyz were the future of the division. Hayes was just there to take the fall (and therefore protect the Hardyz from doing the job) so everyone is fine. There were more than enough big spots to carry this and the match was a fun way to get us back to where everything needed to be.

D’Lo Brown says he’s waited nine months to get his European Title back.

European Title: D’Lo Brown vs. Mideon

Mideon is defending after finding the title in Shane’s bag and being named champion without winning a match. The now face Brown sends him into the corner and clotheslines Mideon out to the floor for a good looking suicide dive. Mideon takes over with the brawling before a weak clothesline gets two back inside. We hit the chinlock as Mideon swears at fans. That goes nowhere so Mideon gets two off a neckbreaker instead. Brown is sent into the buckle a few times but comes out with a bad looking tornado DDT (Mideon’s fault) for two. A Sky High and the Low Down (frog splash) give Brown the title back at 7:10.

Rating: D. Most of this was on Mideon who just wasn’t any good in the ring. He was a guy with some size who could barely do basic moves without screwing things up, such as that tornado DDT. It’s a bad match but at least Brown, who was on a nice little roll at this point, gets the title back and could be interesting as champion.

Al Snow has been even more insane since a spike has been put through Head. Snow talks about how he hears the screams all the time and wants someone to put him out of his misery.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Snow is defending and drops to his knees in front of Boss Man in the aisle, begging to be put down. Instead Snow grabs Head and hits the spike with his nightstick, which finally makes Snow aggressive like his normal (work with me here) self. They fight over to some empty seats before Boss Man hits him back through the entrance to really make this hardcore.

Snow comes back with a cardboard box full of papers for about as much effect as you would expect. Some strikes to the face have some more effect and a suplex through a table gets no cover. They fight further into the backstage with Snow going head first into a metal wall. Boss Man can’t get a golf cart to work so Al hits him with a plant. That just earns him a whip into a concrete wall as Boss Man punches him through a door.

It’s already time to head outside with Snow taking a bulldog on the concrete. A hubcap and traffic cone stagger Boss Man as Snow asks why Boss Man can’t help him. They head into the street where a car has to stop to avoid hitting them. Snow smiles as he’s rammed into a metal sign and Boss Man handcuffs him to a fence. He begs Boss Man to make it stop so Boss Man blasts him with a metal rod for the pin at 10:13 for our fourth title change in just over an hour.

Rating: C+. This worked a lot better than it had any right to as the Hardcore Title wasn’t such a mess yet with the 24/7 rule, meaning they could actually still do some creative stuff and not have to worry about people running in to steal the title for their thirty second reigns. It may not be much but at least it was something different than “I hit you, you hit me” for ten minutes.

We recap Kane and Big Show in a feud that has been going on for months now. It turned out that Undertaker was on Kane’s side again though and easily destroyed Big Show, only to have Undertaker attack Kane’s partner X-Pac to break up the partnership again.

Hardcore Holly, guest referee for Big Show vs. Kane (because he’s the Big Shot, which makes him perfectly suited to this story for some reason), says he’ll beat both guys up if either of them get in his face.

Big Show vs. Kane

JR acknowledges that their previous match at King of the Ring was a disaster, using his “bowling shoe ugly” metaphor. Kane goes after him to start but gets gorilla pressed out to the floor. I know we’ve seen Big Show do that for years but it’s still amazing to watch. Back in and Kane slugs away until Holly grabs his arm. The distraction lets Show get in a punch of his own, followed by a head knocker (as in setting for a powerbomb/piledriver but jumping into the air and coming down on Kane’s head).

Some headbutts only cause Kane to come back with right hands, only to have Show catch him in a powerslam. Even Holly tells him to hook a leg as Kane kicks out at two. More right hands stagger Show and a DDT plants him. Kane’s top rope clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam but Holly chop blocks him, allowing Show to hit his chokeslam for a fast count pin at 8:10.

Rating: D. This was indeed light years better than their mess the previous month (which included a choke hold that should have killed someone three times over) but this is a good example of overbooking. Who in the world thought Bob Holly needed an angle this close to the main event? He was only there for the ending and that’s really not necessary as he looked so out of place in the match.

X-Pac comes in to drop Holly with a kick, only to have Undertaker come out and help Big Show beat X-Pac and Kane down. This is the kind of thing you should be doing on TV, not pay per view.

Speaking of things you should do on TV, Austin attacks Undertaker as he comes through the curtain and sends him into a wall to bust Undertaker open.

We recap Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman, the latter of whom returned from a hiatus to attack Shamrock several times. Tonight they’re fighting in the parking lot in a circle of cars because that’s where kendo sticks and martial arts lead.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

Shamrock is very banged up coming in and there are wrestlers sitting on the hoods of the cars. Oh and since they’re in a parking lot and both guys are in black, you can’t really even see that clearly. They fight between the cars with Blackman putting his foot through a window by mistake. Shamrock gets slammed on a hood and hit low before Blackman sends him into a few more cars. Blackman misses a tire iron shot as they keep leaving the circle of cars. Back in and Ken hammers away before choking him out with a chain for the win at 4:09. I won’t bother rating this as it wasn’t anything resembling a match but it was unique.

Undertaker roughs up Terry Taylor for trying to interview him.

Chyna and Billy Gunn don’t care what happened to X-Pac.

Chyna/Billy Gunn vs. Road Dogg/X-Pac

This is for the rights to the DX name as the team has been split by the countless heel turns and faction splits. Gunn and Chyna have matching thongs under mesh covering to give JR various fits on commentary. X-Pac is very beaten up due to Undertaker and Big Show’s actions earlier. Chyna grabs a headlock on Dogg to start before dropping him with a shoulder.

Dogg dropkicks her into Gunn and it’s time for a meeting on the floor. We get the showdown between Gunn and Dogg with the fans all over Billy. That earns the fans an F bomb before Chyna gets in a cheap shot from behind to let Gunn take over. Chyna kicks Dogg hard in the back and it’s back to Billy for no cover off a Jackhammer. The hot tag brings in X-Pac for more kicks but Gunn is still able to drop him with a hot shot.

The lesson here: Gunn is much tougher than Hardcore Holly, who was knocked silly by a single kick. It’s back to Chyna for a chinlock and a powerslam before we get the front facelock for the unseen tag. Not that it matters as the hot tag brings in Dogg a few seconds later as everything breaks down. The Bronco Buster hits Chyna and the pumphandle slam puts Billy away clean at 11:13.

Rating: D+. As annoyed as I tend to get about the overbooked finishes, something like this was actually needing a screwy ending. It’s a big blowoff match to a personal feud and Dogg just pinned Gunn (which also could have been a big pay per view match) for the win. It doesn’t help that it was just a basic match without anything helping it out, though I’ve seen much worse.

We recap HHH vs. The Rock, which is the rekindling of an old feud. They had an outstanding feud over the course of 1998 with HHH getting the final win in a ladder match. Now the roles are reversed as both guys want to be the WWF World Champion, which Rock has already been multiple times). At one point during this feud, HHH put Rock in a casket and beat on it with a sledgehammer in the first appearance of his signature weapon.

Rock makes fun of HHH for getting emotional over being held down for years over the infamous Curtain Call incident in Madison Square Garden (Shawn Michaels, HHH, Diesel and Razor Ramon broke kayfabe on Diesel and Ramon’s last night in the promotion and HHH was the only one significantly punished). He really was held down because he absolutely sucks. Rock promises to win and get the title back at Summerslam.

The Rock vs. HHH

Strap match won by pinfall (which counts anywhere) for the #1 contendership at Summerslam. HHH comes out to his awesome My Time theme music. The brawl starts in the aisle with Rock sending him into the post for an early advantage. HHH comes back with a few whips into the barricade and shots to the ribs before taking Rock inside for more of the same.

They head back outside and into the crowd this time with Rock punching him further into the crowd. HHH gets sent into part of the barricade but pulls Rock right into it as well. They’re actually using the strap well here, which really isn’t something you see that often. Some choking on the floor has Rock in more trouble. A hard strap shot to the face drops Rock again, only to have him pop up and get two off a suplex.

HHH isn’t that phased though (it was just a suplex) and sends Rock hard into the barricade again. They actually go back to the ring for the second time in the match as Rock starts another comeback. Cue Chyna (JR: “Or maybe it’s her twin sister.”) as HHH stomps Rock down in the corner again. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere should get the pin but Chyna distracts the referee so HHH can hit Rock low. HHH remembers the strap holding them together and chokes him in the corner.

Rock throws him off the top but pulls himself down at the same time. They get up again and fight up the aisle for a bit with Rock still in control. That doesn’t last long though as Chyna gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Billy Gunn to run in and hit Rock in the head with a club. The kickout only ticks HHH off worse so it’s time to choke some more but Rock low blows his way out of the Pedigree. The strap is unhooked so Rock can hit the People’s Elbow, only to have Billy interfere again. That’s enough for the Pedigree to send HHH to Summerslam at 19:05.

Rating: B. This is one of those pairings that’s as close to a guaranteed good match as you’re ever going to find. The strap match might not have been the best gimmick but they’ve done almost everything else so there weren’t many other options. It’s good stuff either way though, even if I had to see Gunn interfere again.

We recap Austin vs. Undertaker. Austin took the title back from Undertaker on Raw after Undertaker won it 24 hours earlier in the highest rated wrestling match in American cable TV history. Undertaker wanted his rematch to be a first blood match, which is how Austin lost his first WWF World Title, thanks to Undertaker interfering. If Austin wins, Vince is off TV forever. If Undertaker wins, Austin can never have another shot at the title.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

First Blood with Austin defending and Vince on commentary. Austin goes after him in the aisle (a common tactic on this show) and gets sent into the barricade. We even get some common sense as Austin covers his face while Undertaker throws punches. Undertaker beats him up the aisle but neither guy can send the other into the steps. Austin ducks the steps as they fly at his head and they fight into the crowd.

Undertaker ducks them as well though and takes Austin inside to stomp away in the corner. As you might expect, Vince isn’t exactly impartial as he tells Undertaker to kick at the stitches. Austin throws him into the other corner and rips at Undertaker’s cut as you can’t fault the psychology so far. Undertaker’s leg is wrapped around the post (if you can’t walk, you can’t defend yourself as well) but he kicks Austin over the barricade.

Vince is sure that Austin is bleeding when his back is turned to the camera but is proven wrong when Undertaker drags Austin back to ringside, only to miss a big chair shot. Austin sends him face first into the steps and chokes with an electrical cord. Back in and Undertaker trips over the referee and gets tied up in the ropes. That means it’s time for the chair but Austin has to knock out an interfering Shane.

The distraction lets Undertaker get loose and kick Austin in the face though, followed by a low blow. A quick Stunner drops Undertaker and draws Vince out of his chair to swing the crutch, only to have Austin punch him in the face. Undertaker gets the chair but here’s X-Pac to kick it into his face. Austin steals a camera and hits Undertaker in the face as well, drawing blood to retain Austin’s title at 15:31.

Rating: D+. These two just never could have a great match and it showed badly here. This was barely even a match as they were just brawling for fifteen minutes before the logical run-in ending. I wouldn’t be surprised if this style of a match wasn’t a way to hide an injury as neither of them really doing anything but wild brawling.

Vince comes in again and eats a Stunner but HHH comes out to beat down Austin. Rock comes out for the save but Undertaker gets up and goes after beats on Austin some more. Undertaker punches Shane out before leaving as Austin is busted as well. Vince gets one more Stunner, sending him off TV for less than twenty four hours as he was on Raw the next night. If that’s not enough, Vince would be WWF World Champion in September.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was up and down all night but it was strong enough in the parts where it needed to be. The two opening matches set the show on the right path and it was easy to sit through the rest, including a pretty strong strap match. The main event isn’t all that great but a lot of main events from this point really weren’t. It’s a good enough show all around though and one of the strongest from this era.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 19, 1999
Location: Rupp Arena, Lexington, Kentucky
Attendance: 12,939
Commentators: Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly

Now how did I not go to this one? This is the go home show for Fully Loaded and….egads I have no idea what happened last time and it wasn’t that long ago that I watched it. That’s the real problem with Russo’s insane booking: nothing has a chance to stick and if you’re not watching every single week, you’re going to be completely lost. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap (thank goodness) of Steve Austin agreeing to some special stipulations in his match with Undertaker on Sunday. If Austin wins, Vince McMahon is gone forever but if Undertaker wins, Undertaker gets the title and Austin is never allowed to challenge for the title again. I really shouldn’t need this less than a month after I last watched this show.

Opening sequence.

Here’s the Corporate Ministry, with Vince in a wheelchair, to open things up. Vince says this is an historic night because it’s the last night Austin will ever be here as the WWF Champion. The stakes have never been higher and in reality, it’s Undertaker’s career on the line this Sunday. Undertaker isn’t cool with that because no one threatens him. He’s fine with opening Austin up on Sunday, but it’s personal and not business.

Vince says he signs Undertaker’s check and made him who he is today. That’s even less cool with Undertaker, so HHH intervenes to start another argument. HHH knows that Vince made him and knows his place so give him a chance to pay the boss back. Vince isn’t sure if he can trust Undertaker so tonight, it’s Undertaker vs. HHH with the winner facing Austin for the title on Sunday. The loser gets to face the Rock in the strap match.

Cue Austin…and he’s driving a blood bank trunk. If Undertaker wants blood, Austin has brought him a whole truck full. Tonight, Undertaker is getting locked inside and Vince can make a donation to the blood bank. So this would be another angle that, assuming nothing changes, was set up and blown off in the same night because….well something has to fill in the time.

Post break, Vince is worried but HHH says it’s cool. If Vince takes care of him, HHH will do the same.

Road Dogg vs. Chyna

This is a Dog Pound match, which means Dog Collar, because Russo needs to change the name of one of the most obvious gimmicks ever. Chyna won’t put it on (even though Dogg heard she and HHH had something like it last night) so Dogg punches her down, drawing in Billy Gunn to hang Dogg. X-Pac comes out for the save and threatens them with the chain. The bell never rang so no match.

The bosses panic when someone knocks on Vince’s door but it’s the Mean Street Posse.

Post break here are Shane and the Mean Street Posse for a chat. Shane wants to apologize to Stephanie because it’s the right thing to do. After telling Test that it’ll be ok, here she is in the arena. Shane makes it clear that he didn’t hit Stephanie on purpose and it was really Test’s fault because he let everything get out of control.

He’s been working to make things better though and Joey Abs is willing to take Stephanie back so it can be like it was supposed to. Stephanie says they went out once and it was a nightmare. Joey says he knows Stephanie blew it the first time with him but he’s willing to take her back. That earns him a slap and Stephanie storms off. Shane promises to do things mean street style.

Rock signs an autograph. Ok then.

We see the press conference announcing that Jesse Ventura will be at Summerslam.

Tag Team Titles: Val Venis/Godfather vs. Acolytes vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Prince Albert/Droz

The Hardys are defending and this is elimination rules. Ivory is one of Godfather’s ladies again. Bradshaw slams Matt to start but it’s off to Albert to catch Bradshaw in a powerslam. A side slam sets up a splash for two but Bradshaw is right back up with the Clothesline for the elimination. Venis comes in and hammers away until Bradshaw catches him in a fall away slam.

Val hits a spinebuster so Bradshaw tags Jeff….and then hits him in the back. Godfather’s big legdrop gets two on Jeff and it’s off to Bradshaw, who gets hit in the head with a cane for the pin. That leaves us with Venis/Godfather vs. the Hardys and Godfather hits the Ho Train on Matt. The Pimp Drop (Death Valley Driver) but Jeff hurricanranas Val down, awakening Matt for the fast pin.

Rating: D. So before the Acolytes get their regular title shot on Sunday, we have a four way elimination match for the titles on Monday? Is that really the best choice of booking? And to have the Acolytes get eliminated in the middle by a team they’re not facing in the title match? This is one of the screwiest booking decisions I’ve seen in a long time, or maybe just since the start of the show.

Jeff Jarrett tells Debra not to say anything tonight.

GTV shows us actor Ben Stiller and his friends talking about the show. It’s a plug for the upcoming Mystery Men movie but Stiller would rather check out Debra’s puppies. This includes burying his face in them, though they see the camera and aren’t happy.

Lawler is on commentary now and just in time.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Christian

Jeff is defending and has Debra with her. Before the match, Jeff tells Austin to stay away from him and the belt or Austin will be turned into a pair of boots. Christian wastes no time in getting two off a powerbomb and the reverse DDT is good for the same. A high crossbody draws Debra to the apron as Christian hits the yet to be named Killswitch. That means a very delayed two so Jeff goes outside for the guitar. Christian takes it away but the referee takes it away as well, setting up the also yet to be named Stroke for the pin to retain Jeff’s title. Energetic while it lasted.

Post match the lights go out and Jarrett gets a Bloodbath. Edge comes out and brawls with Jarrett.

HHH sends Chyna to the ring with Billy Gunn and offers to take care of Vince.

During the break, Jeff yelled about Edge.

The Rock vs. Billy Gunn

Before the match, Rock says Billy isn’t feeling good but it’s probably just a little bit of Rock Fever. Billy can come out here and get his temperature taken. I think you get the joke here. The fight starts before the bell with Gunn getting in a few stomps as we officially get going. The Stinger Splash hits Rock but he comes out of the corner with that hard clothesline he uses when he comes out of the corner and needs a move like a hard clothesline.

Rock hits another clothesline but gets sent over the top with one of those really good looking jumps. Gunn posts him, which JR says wouldn’t even taste good with barbecue sauce. The chipolte ketchup would do it though. Back in and a Jackhammer sets up a chinlock as JR recaps the evening for Lawler. Rock fights up and hits a Samoan drop for a double knockdown.

The real comeback starts with the right hands in the corner and a hot shot of all things. There’s the Maivia Hurricane to draw Chyna up to the apron for a distraction but Rock hits the Rock Bottom anyway. Chyna chairs him down to break up the People’s Elbow though and the Fameasser gives Gunn the pin.

Rating: D+. I know they saw something in Gunn for years but as soon as the theme music comes on again, the joke gets old all over again. Gunn beating Rock at any time never felt right and continues to show how Rock wasn’t up to Austin’s level while he was still around. We’re getting closer and closer to Rock’s huge run and while he’s a big deal, he’s not Austin and won’t be for a long time.

HHH and Vince chat a bit more.

Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow

Snow’s Hardcore Title isn’t on the line here but he’s still insane after the spike was put through Head. Boss Man stands in the ring as Snow throws in a bunch of chairs. He throws in a prosthetic leg for a bonus and demands that Boss Man hit him. Boss Man does just that, knocking Snow cold with the nightstick for the DQ.

As a bonus, Boss Man cuffs him to the top rope for more stick shots. Snow looks elated and Boss Man is just confused. I’ll sign up on Boss Man’s side.

Edge/D’Lo Brown vs. Mideon/Gangrel

Brown is challenging Mideon for the European Title on Sunday in case this feels very random. It’s a brawl to start with Edge punching Mideon on the floor as Brown takes over on Gangrel inside. Things settle down to Edge and Mideon crawling around on the mat until Edge takes over with an armbar. Edge slips out of a slam and takes Mideon down, allowing the tag off to Brown. Everything breaks down and it’s a Sky High into the Low Down to finish Mideon.

Austin walks near Vince’s office…because he wants some water near the door. He’ll let us know when he’s coming for Vince’s blood.

Test vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman is a hired gun to take Test out. Speaking of Test going out, he heads outside to start beating Blackman up before the bell but a hard shoulder takes him down back inside. Test shrugs off a half crab but walks into a spinebuster to put him right back down. The bicycle kick misses though and Test hits a gutwrench powerbomb. It’s time for the pumphandle powerslam but here are Shane and the Posse for the DQ.

Ken Shamrock makes the save with a baseball bat and stares Blackman down before their fight on Sunday.

Countdown to the Millennium.

Blackman left during the break. This has been vital information.

Big Show/Hardcore Holly vs. X-Pac/Kane

X-Pac tells Kane to leave but has to settle for Kane fighting Show on the floor. That leaves Holly to hit the Falcon Arrow and go outside after Kane. Cue Undertaker to chokeslam X-Pac for….not a DQ, even though the referee was in the ring and telling Undertaker not to do it. Undertaker grabs the steps to take out both Holly and Show as we’ll go with the no contest because disqualifications don’t exist around here.

Post match (I guess?), Kane goes back to the ring to help X-Pac up but Undertaker tells him it’s over. Kane sees a replay of Undertaker attacking X-Pac though and that means a chokeslam to Undertaker. So is that a face turn? Or a heel unturn? Why is this so complicated Undertaker isn’t happy as Kane and X-Pac leave together.

HHH vs. Undertaker

The winner challenges Austin on Sunday but the loser faces Rock in a #1 contenders match. HHH has Chyna, plus Vince in a wheelchair, with him. For reasons unclear, Undertaker does a full entrance again despite being in the ring after the previous match. They slug it out to start (well duh) with Undertaker getting the better of it and knocking HHH out to the floor. That goes nowhere so they head back inside with Undertaker charging into an elbow.

A clothesline puts Undertaker outside again and a Chyna distraction lets HHH knock him into the steps. Undertaker hits a quick Stunner over the top rope as this is actually resembling a match so far. And since we haven’t had enough drama so far, we cut to the back where Austin says he’s coming for McMahon’s blood right now. Cue Austin to go after Undertaker for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I’ll take what I can get on this show as they certainly aren’t pushing the wrestling so far. It was a lot of punching and kicking for a few minutes but at least we got something with a coherent point. Austin running in wasn’t surprising as they already had both matches set up for Sunday and there was no reason to change anything. That would bring up the question of why you book these stipulations in the first place but the internet isn’t big enough to explain all the holes in logic.

Post match the fight is on with Rock running in to join the fight. Undertaker and Austin fight up by the blood mobile with Austin throwing him in the back. HHH and Chyna are gone and reality sets in for Vince in a hurry. Austin comes back to ringside and hits Vince in the head with the belt to bust him open. Naturally he uses the blood to sign the Fully Loaded contract and beer is consumed. That doesn’t end the show though as Undertaker comes back (having used his evil powers to open an unlocked door) and nails Austin with a beer can to bust him open. Posing with the title wraps up the show.

Overall Rating: D. It’s more of the same, but they did have a slightly better focus this week because of the pay per view. The problem of course is how everything comes and goes with no particular reason, including stories that aren’t explained and matches that are too short to be anything more than quick appearances. Things will get better in a few months, but that doesn’t make this time any easier to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first step to things falling downhill, as we’re a few months away from the Brand Split and things falling through the floor in quality. The main event tonight aside from the Rumble is Jericho defending his newly won Undisputed Title (which he won by beating the Rock and Steve Austin IN THE SAME NIGHT in case you didn’t know that) against Rock. HHH is back in the ring tonight also (he may have fought on Smackdown before this but I don’t think he did) so let’s get to it.

The opening video has clips of various Rumble wins in a photo album kind of theme. The theme for this year’s show is 30 Men, 1 Winner. I’ve heard worse ideas which we’ll get too very soon.

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

I LOVE Stacy as the Duchess of Dudleyville. I never remember her looking better. Anyway, Spike and Tazz are defending here in a reign that I don’t think anyone ever remembers. The Dudleys beat up Spike recently so he’s in a neck brace. The Dudleys attack to start and hit the belly to back neckbreaker on Tazz on the floor. It’s Bubba vs. Spike to start things off in a handicap match for all intents and purposes. Bubba rips the neck brace off and drops a big elbow.

Bubba shouts at Spike to get up as we get a very nice shot of Stacy. Tazz is back on the apron as D-Von hits a Hennig necksnap of all things. Bubba loads up a second brainbuster on Spike but gets countered into a Dudley Dog for no cover. The tag to Tazz is missed so Spike has to take a double flapjack instead. Spike avoids a headbutt from D-Von and makes the Dudleys clothesline each other. Hot tag brings in Tazz to clean house with suplexes. A big boot to Bubba’s head sets up a top rope cross body by Spike for two. Stacy interferes and gets put in the Tazmission. D-Von gets caught in the same hold and the champions retain.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what the point of this being on PPV was as it barely broke five minutes. Nothing with Stacy in the Dudley attire can be bad, but this came about as close as you can get. Actually scratch that as it wasn’t so much bad but just short. I have no idea why this wasn’t on Raw or something like that. Tazz would be retired very soon after this due to a horrible neck.

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Edge has a chair with him tonight to counter the knuckles. Apparently he broke Regal’s nose recently.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Edge is defending. The referee checks Regal over and over again for knuckles and finds them in his trunks. Well you can’t say he didn’t do his job. The referee stupidly puts them on the ring post instead of like, giving them to someone to take to the back or something. Edge pounds away to start and chokes with his boot in the corner. He goes after Regal’s bad nose as Lawler claims conspiracy.

Regal comes back with a clothesline but Edge kicks him in the back to put both guys down. Being the British dude that he is, Regal suplexes Edge down for two. Make that four. Uh six. Yet somehow that isn’t three. Off to an arm trap chinlock followed by a hard forearm to put the champion down again. A double arm powerbomb hits Edge for two and they head to the apron. Edge busts out a DDT onto said apron, further injuring Regal’s nose.

Back in and they ram heads to put both guys down as the match continues to drag at a slow pace. Edge wins a slugout and takes Regal down with a spinwheel kick and a suplex for two. Regal suplexes him down as well, only for Edge to hit a big old clothesline for two more. The Regal Stretch goes on out of nowhere but Edge reverses into a terrible version of his own to no avail. A top rope spinwheel kick puts Regal down but he finds another set of brass knuckles. Instead of swinging them though, he pulls the referee in the way of Edge’s spear. Regal clocks Edge and wins the title.

Rating: D+. This didn’t click at all. Regal didn’t seem interested in selling at all and Edge wasn’t ready to carry a match by himself yet. He was getting to the point where he could but it would take a summer of feuding with Eddie to get him up to that point. Regal wouldn’t really do anything with the belt other than lose it to RVD. Nothing to see here.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jacqueline is referee for absolutely no apparent reason and Trish is defending. Jazz is basically being a bully and has injured Trish’s hand coming into this. Jazz jumps Trish to start but misses a splash, giving Trish two off a rollup. A modified hot shot slows the champ down again and a legdrop gets two. Jazz works on the bad hand for a bit but Jackie pulls them out of the ropes. Jackie of course makes it all about herself and won’t count a cover on Trish. Stratusfaction hits out of nowhere for two and Jazz is up a few seconds later, basically no selling it. Trish hits a bad looking running bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. It was short, it was sloppy, the ending was stupid and Jackie was in it. What other kind of grade do you expect here? Stratus was starting to get better but it would take another year and Lita before she got amazing. Jazz was a pretty stupid pick to bring over to WWE as no one remembered her and she didn’t have the looks to back up any lack of hype. Bad match here.

Flair says he’ll win.

We recap Vince vs. Flair. Flair debuted after Survivor Series as the new co-owner of the company and has driven Vince crazy since. This led up to a street fight tonight between the two of them tonight which isn’t as big a deal as they were shooting for I don’t think. The highlight of it was Vince dressing up as Flair and saying destroying lives turned him on.

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Remember this is a street fight. Vince shoves him down to start and struts, so Flair punches him down and struts as well. Flair wins a chop battle in the corner (duh) so Vince goes to the eyes to escape. There’s the Flair Flop followed by a Flair Flip in the corner as Vince is in full control. We head to the floor and get our first weapon shot, with Vince pounding on Ric with a metal Keep Off sign.

There’s a trashcan shot to the head and Flair is busted open. How thin must the skin on his forehead be? Anyway, Vince steals a camera from someone to take a picture of Flair’s cut before we head back inside. Since he’s a jerk, Vince starts working over the knee in (less skilled) Flair fashion. The leg is wrapped around the post and Vince puts on a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would be jealous of.

Flair turns the hold over and Vince IMMEDIATELY lets go of the hold. So not only is he better at it than some wrestlers, he’s also smart. Never let it be said that Vince doesn’t know what he’s doing. Vince bails to the floor and grabs a lead pipe that he used to bust Flair open in the build up to the match. Flair catches him coming in with a low blow and pounds away on the floor.

Vince takes a monitor shot to the head and in a weird spot, we see a replay on the monitor on the table as the live match goes on. Vince is busted open now and we head back inside. Scratch that as we go back outside immediately where Flair’s family takes pictures of Vince’s cut. Set it up earlier, pay it off later. Good move. Back in and Flair kicks him low again just because he can, cracks him in the head with the pipe and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this match makes as much sense as almost anything you’ll see. Vince controlled at the beginning, but at the end of the day he’s a boss and Flair is a veteran wrestler and athlete. It makes sense for him to be able to shrug that off and destroy Vince with relative ease once he got the upper hand. On top of that we got some good blood and Vince getting hit in the balls so how can this not be entertaining?

Stephanie talks trash about everyone else in the Rumble and runs down Debra as well. Austin walks up and WHAT’s her away. Cole gets a bit of it too. This is when the bit was brand new and still kind of funny, as opposed to now when it ruins almost every serious promo.

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho still has both titles because HHH wasn’t there to win the first Undisputed Title and get the new belt. Rock decks him immediately and the champ heads to the floor, only to run back in and get punched some more. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post but pulls off a hot shot out of nowhere to give himself a breather. They trade strikes in the corner before Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to Rocky’s arms for two.

A suplex gets two for Jericho and for some reason Rock’s left thumb is sticking out. The champ unhooks a buckle but can’t get the Walls. A missile dropkick gets two on Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes on for a good while so Chris goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Rock but Jericho clotheslines him down and hits the Lionsault. Due to high reasons of arrogance, Jericho waits forever to cover and fights with the referee after getting two.

Another dropkick attempt by Jericho is caught in a Sharpshooter, but here’s Lance Storm for a distraction while Jericho taps. Christian comes in as well and is promptly punched out by Rock. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom on Rock for two and the frustration begins. The champ loads up a People’s Elbow but Rock nips up and sends Jericho out to the floor.

Both guys are rammed into both announce tables before Jericho’s Rock Bottom attempt is countered into an AWESOME looking Rock Bottom by Rock from one table through the other. That only gets two back inside before Jericho counters another Rock Bottom into the Liontamer (yes I said Liontamer instead of the Walls). Ok now it’s the Walls, which allows Rock to make the rope.

The jumping clothesline takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Jericho to blast Rock with the belt. Another referee slides in and gets two off that and Rock DDTs Jericho down. Rock covers….and Nick Patrick won’t count. There’s a Rock Bottom for his efforts and a People’s Elbow for Jericho but there’s no referee. Rock checks on Hebner, allowing Jericho to hit him low, send him into the Chekov’s Gun in the shape of an exposed turnbuckle. All that plus a rollup with his feet on the ropes is enough for Jericho to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took awhile to get going but once things picked up it turned into what you would expect from Rock vs. Jericho in a nearly 20 minute match. The overbooking worked here as Jericho needed something to boost him up to Rock’s level, which is what you’re supposed to do as a heel. Good stuff here and a very fine title match.

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Rikishi and Goldust are #1 and #2 respectively and we’ve got two minute intervals. Goldie walks around Rikishi to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Rikishi knocks him around for a bit but can’t quite drop the big load on Goldie’s chest. A backdrop puts Goldust on the apron and Boss Man is #3, making it 2-1 against Rikishi. Goldust gets punched in the face but Boss Man pounds Rikishi into the corner. The heels explode after a long one minute partnership.

Bradshaw is #4 and hopefully he can pick things up a bit. He beats up everyone as Rikishi loads up the Stinkface on Boss Man. A superkick and a clothesline put Boss Man out and there’s a Samoan Drop to Bradshaw. Goldie pounds away on Bradshaw in the corner and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Lance Storm is #5 and absolutely nothing of note happens until Al Snow (on Tough Enough at this point) is #6. Bradshaw kills Storm with the Clothesline as the fans want Head.

Billy of Billy and Chuck is #7 and we’re still waiting on something to happen. The fans are still into this at least so it’s not a failure at this point. Storm and Snow fight to the apron with Snow superkicking Lance to an elimination. Billy dumps Bradshaw and Undertaker is finally #8 to pick things up a bit. A chokeslam kills Billy (the third in the series, not starring Uma Thurman) and another one puts out Goldust. Snow and Rikishi are dumped out and Billy follows them, leaving Undertaker alone to a big reaction. He’s evil here in case you’re not up on Taker history.

Matt Hardy is #9, which is interesting as Taker injured both Hardys and Lita. The redhead gets in along with Matt and helps him take the big man down via a low blow. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and stomps away but can’t get Taker out. Naturally Jeff Hardy is #10 because that’s how the TOTALLY RANDOM draw works in the Rumble.

Taker slugs down one of the best tag teams ever in just a few seconds, only to get caught in the Twist/Swanton combo. Again, why would you use moves that keep a giant on the mat? Not that it matters as Poetry in Motion is caught and Jeff is easily thrown out. The Last Ride kills Matt and he’s gone too, leaving Taker alone again. The clock during that segment was REALLY long too as they were roughly three minutes each to get the whole segment in.

Maven from Tough Enough is #11 but Lita is on the apron. Taker PUNCHES her down, drawing the Hardys back in. Taker dumps both of them again, but Maven dropkicks Undertaker in the back and eliminates him in arguably the biggest surprise elimination ever in the Rumble. The look on the Dead Man’s face is hilarious as he has absolutely no emotion at all. He calmly turns around, gets back in the ring, and mauls Maven, sending him through the ropes to the floor. A HUGE chair shot cracks Maven’s head and the beating continues until Scotty 2 Hotty is #12.

Taker punches Scotty down and throws Maven back in to eliminate him, which under old Rumble rules would count. The beating goes into the crowd as there’s nothing in the ring at the moment. Christian is #13 but has no one to fight because Scotty is still down. Instead we go to the back where Maven is rammed face first into a popcorn machine. Taker eats a handful of popcorn and finally leaves Maven alone.

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

With Godfather in the ring after about 15 seconds due to dancing, Albert is #17. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo at this point and lasts about 45 seconds before being tossed by the villains. Godfather is dumped soon thereafter, and here’s Saturn at #18. Chuck and Perry slug it out as the fans cheer for the Ho’s leaving. Nothing happens again, until Austin is #19. Chuck is the first victim, getting stomped down in the corner. There goes Christian, Saturn gets a Stunner, Chuck is eliminated, Saturn is dumped, Christian gets thrown back in, Stunned and thrown out again, Chuck gets the same as Christian, and Austin takes a breather.

Val Venis is #20 (and also returning) and things go about as you would expect, although Val does get in some offense and survives until Test is #21. A double teaming lasts for a bit until Austin remembers who he’s fighting and dumps both guys in a few seconds. Austin does his watch bit when no one is in the ring with him. Notice the difference between the big stars and the regular guys: the big ones are CONSTANTLY trying to keep the audience entertained instead of letting them die.

Speaking of entertaining the crowd, HHH is #22. The entrance takes about a minute and a half, they stare at each other for about twenty more seconds, and the slugout only lasts for a few seconds until Hurricane is #23. Luckily for him, the legends knock each other down so Hurricane can tries a double chokeslam. The look on Austin’s face is hilarious as the two of them dump Hurricane with ease.

Austin and HHH chop each other in the corner until Faarooqq is #24 and lasts about that many seconds. Mr. Perfect makes a surprise return at #25 to a big surprise reaction from the audience. He looks a bit, shall we say, tipsy here. Perfect chills on the floor a bit as JR makes a mistake, saying Perfect debuted at the Rumble in 1993. In reality he was #4 in 1989. Austin and HHH double team Perfect to no avail so here’s Angle at #26, drawing the rare double chant of YOU SUCK WHAT.

HHH and Angle pair off as do the other two guys and the match slows down a bit. Kurt starts suplexing people but can’t dump HHH because Austin makes the save due to reasons of a big ego. Big Show is #27 in his one piece women’s swimsuit. Angle gets chokeslammed so Austin and HHH double team the big man to limited avail. HHH saves Angle, presumably because he wants Kurt’s help to get Show out. Makes sense I guess.

Show dominates everyone until Kane is #28. HHH gets chokeslammed so we can have our battle of the giants. Jerry: “They’re not getting any smaller are they JR?” Uh yeah Jerry, actually they are. They do the double chokeslam spot but Kane kicks Show low and picks him up, slamming him to the floor. AWESOME display of strength there, but Angle immediately dumps Kane to get us back down to four.

Van Dam is #29 and hits a Five Star on Angle who is down from something we didn’t see. Everyone but HHH gets kicked down so he hits a Pedigree to put Van Dam down. Booker T is #30, giving us a final group of Booker, RVD, Angle, Perfect, HHH and Austin. Booker throws out RVD without having to do anything else thanks to the Pedigree. We get a Spinarooni, followed by a Stunner and elimination to get us down to Austin, Angle, HHH and Perfect.

Austin hits a slingshot into the post on HHH who walks into an Angle Slam. Angle rolls some Germans on Austin and the C/Kurts try to dump Austin. Austin hits some HARD right hands to break that up but as he tries to dump Perfect, Angle runs up and dumps the Rattlesnake. Austin pulls Perfect to the floor but Kurt sends Austin into the steps to break it up. Steve still isn’t done as he comes back in with a chair for all three guys. Eh he’s Austin so he can get away with it.

Angle accidentally clothesline Hennig but doesn’t eliminate him. There’s the PerfectPlex (BIG pop for that) to Kurt but HHH dumps Perfect a second later. Angle and HHH stare each other down and the Game pounds away on him to take over. Kurt gets HHH to the apron but can’t get the win. HHH chokes away but charges into a backdrop, sending him to the apron. Kurt makes the classic mistake of not making sure the other guy is out and gets clotheslined to the floor, giving HHH the Rumble. For you trivia guys, this is the longest Rumble ever to date, even going 11 seconds longer than the 40 man version.

Rating: C+. This has some very bad spots in it but the rest of the stuff is solid all around. Once Austin gets in there things pick up a lot, but the 18 guys before him don’t do much. Taker’s elimination came too fast which hurt things here, as there was no one of note from #9 until Austin at #19. Still though, the good stuff here was good enough to check this out, but you might want to fast forward some parts of it.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good but certainly not great show. 2002 was a bad year for the company on Raw and things were clearly starting to look weak here. The main problem was the lack of elevation of anyone new to the main event in the year, as the main events for almost every PPV were people who had been there before. There’s nothing on here that’s required viewing but there’s also nothing terrible on here either. Check it out but don’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-

Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2002-game-on/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 9, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home Raw for Summerslam and the big developments from last week saw Randy Orton pinning Chris Benoit in a six man, plus the long awaited HHH vs. Eugene match being announced. That doesn’t leave a lot to be done this week, but maybe they can put something good enough together. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

The Diva Search starts things off but here’s Randy Orton to cut off the elimination. He grabs the envelope and announces Chandra as the loser of the week. Orton: “AW SHUCKS!” After she leaves, Orton talks about how devastated Chris Benoit is going to be after he loses the World Title on Sunday. It has to hurt deep down inside, knowing that Benoit is going to lose everything he’s worked for. We look back at Orton pinning Benoit last week with Lawler shouting that it’s destiny.

Back in the arena (with the rest of the girls gone), Orton asks what everyone here did when they were 24 years old. Maybe they finally got a car or moved out of their parents’ basement. When he’s 24, he’s going to become the World Heavyweight Champion. This brings out Benoit to say that he wants to see the footage of Orton tapping out. Orton says that hasn’t happened so Benoit puts him in the Crossface right now for a tap. Benoit wants to see a replay right now but leaves before we see it. Dude if you’re not going to see it, don’t make the request. Another good segment here as they’re making me want to see the match.

Stacy Keibler/Victoria/Nidia vs. Jazz/Molly Holly/Gail Kim

Molly takes Victoria down to start as the hair is long, blonde and curly this week. Isn’t it time to retire that joke already? It’s been nearly five months now. Gail comes in and gets armdragged before it’s off to Stacy for what I have to imagine is a downgrade. The leg choke in the corner doesn’t get her very far and Molly low bridging her to the floor makes things even worse.

Jazz gets her turn with some forearms and knees but Stacy gets a boot up in the corner. A kick to Molly is enough for the hot tag to Nidia and somehow things get a little big better. Nidia hits a flapjack on Jazz but walks into a swinging neckbreaker from Molly. Everything breaks down and Nidia rolls Molly up for a quick pin.

Rating: D. I’m not sure who decided that it was a good idea to have Stacy work such a long stretch of the match but it was the best idea in the world. There’s some talent in the division but there’s so much bad stuff dragging the good down. It doesn’t help when we’ve seen almost every combination far too many times and there isn’t a lot of top talent to go around in the first place.

Post match here’s Trish Stratus to convince them all to come with her and do something.

We look back at HHH’s awesome beatdown of William Regal.

A very beaten up Regal and Eugene are at a hotel with Eugene saying he wants to go to the arena for his match tonight. Regal promises to go tonight but it’s not safe yet because it would be a big ambush and Regal isn’t capable of fighting right now. Instead, Eugene sits down and watches TV while Regal rests. With Regal in the other room, Eugene leaves for the arena alone. So this guy who could barely function on his own two months ago can now find an arena on his own?

Smackdown Rebound.

Matt Hardy comes up to see Lita, who has bad news: a DNA test says the baby is Kane’s. An angry Matt just stares at her and leaves.

JR is in the ring for the contract signing between Matt and Kane. Well that’s just awkward now. Lita follows behind Matt as Kane smiles rather evily. We get the recap of the rules for the match, which has to be near the top of the most ridiculous stipulations of all time. Lita and Kane sign with the latter smiling very hard. Matt doesn’t sign, walks around for a bit, and then signs. Kane says he’s more man than Matt and the obvious fight is on. A briefcase to the head knocks Kane out long enough for Matt and Lita to escape.

The Diva Search girls get 25 seconds to sell us ice cream. Joy is in a bikini and rubs it over herself, along with various toppings.

Amy turns it into a plug for Summerslam and sprays whipped cream in her mouth.

Carmella slowly puts stuff on her ice cream.

Tracie turns it into an infomercial.

Maria licks the ice cream and asks if anyone wants to share it with them. She’s rather enthusiastic here.

Christy wrecks the table and says she’s a good little girl who likes to share. This is quite annoying.

Michelle gives her number again (smart) and pours things on the ice cream.

At least it’s getting shorter. Not much smarter, but shorter.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Non-title. They stare each other down to start and fight over some waistlocks. Jericho gets a hammerlock until a whip into the corner and a knee to the back has Edge in some actual trouble. The double arm crank keeps Edge down as the announcers talk about King Kong and Godzilla. Edge is back up with some right hands to the head and blocks a splash with some knees. They’re still going rather slowly here and it seems they have a lot of time. Some shoulders to the back work on Jericho some more until he rakes the eyes.

Jericho tries his springboard dropkick but gets shoved outside in a big crash. The spear hits Jericho’s back, driving him off the apron and into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Edge holding a chinlock with a knee in the back as they’re still not exactly going at top speed. Edge tries going up so Jericho dropkicks him out of the air, cutting off the fans’ interest all over again. Jericho gets in the spinwheel kick, followed by the running crotch attack to the back.

They get back up and Edge goes with the simple offense of a big boot before a knee to the face cuts off Jericho’s charge. There’s a catapult into the corner but Jericho is smart enough to bail to the floor before the spear can hit. Edge hits a baseball slide instead and the ribs go straight into the barricade. Back in and Edge hits a release gordbuster off the top, setting up a missile dropkick for two. Edge misses the spear though and Edge grabs a rollup, with his feet on the ropes for the pin as Edge has been doing in recent weeks.

Rating: B+. Yeah of course this worked as they had a lot of time and a reason to fight. Both guys looked awesome here with Jericho hanging in there until he could win over the aggressive Edge. As good as Batista has been of late, there’s a case to be made for this being the Summerslam title match but at least we got to see it at some point. Really good stuff here, but is that really a surprise?

Post match Batista comes out to destroy both guys.

Eugene arrives and, after a break, finds out that HHH isn’t here. Instead, HHH is at the hotel destroying Regal. Well that and monologuing about payback like an evil mastermind. That’s one of the most logical things I’ve seen on this show in years.

Rhyno/Tajiri vs. Chris Cage/Brent Albright

Rhyno and Tajiri have to win in two minutes to get a title shot at Summerslam. Cage and Albright are both OVW guys. The bell rings and here’s La Resistance to watch. Tajiri kicks away at Albright to start and knocks an invading Cage down as well. Albright gets kicked in the face for his efforts to give Tajiri two and it’s off to Rhyno. Everything breaks down and a big spinebuster plants Cage. The Gore connects but La Resistance distracts the referee so time expires. No title shot in a bit of a surprise.

Divas, bikinis, next. Actually not next as Trish and the six women from earlier come out with a challenge for Summerslam: DODGEBALL. Somehow, that’s an improvement over all the other dumb stuff they’ve done so far. You can hear JR’s soul die as he tries to talk the idea up.

Evolution is happy with Regal’s beatdown.

HHH/Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit/Eugene

Actually hang on as there’s no Eugene since he’s gone to be with Regal so we’ll try this instead.

HHH/Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit elbows them both in the face to start and a baseball slide puts HHH on the floor. A snap suplex takes Orton down and the rolling German suplexes do the same to HHH. Flair is right there to break up the Swan Dive though, allowing HHH to crotch Benoit on top. Orton comes in and drops some knees to the chest, followed by a dropkick. HHH gets to hammer away as well with Orton coming back in with a top rope stomp to the back. There’s a hard whip into the corner as the beatdown continues.

Regal’s blood is still all over HHH’s tape for a great touch. Orton grabs the chinlock, which JR describes as “very dangerous”. Benoit fights out of the corner but walks into a spinebuster to cut him right back off. A small package gives Benoit two and he sends HHH into Orton in the corner for a breather. There’s a superplex to Orton to knock him silly but Benoit can’t cover. HHH gets suplexed down and Benoit backdrops him out to the floor. The Crossface goes on and Flair comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was only so good as Benoit was literally on his own and wasn’t about to get a win here. At the same time you don’t want Benoit to take a clean loss, so of course you go with the DQ because that’s what Flair is there for anymore. The wrestling wasn’t the point here as it was more about the storyline, but at least what we got wasn’t bad.

Post match HHH gets in the beatdown on Benoit, including the Pedigree (shocking) but here’s Eugene to beat on HHH, who bails out. Eugene beats up Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as the good stuff was really good but the weaker parts stuck out horribly. The problem is they seemed to be getting ready for Summerslam but at the same time wanted to do a bunch of stuff that had nothing to do with the show, which isn’t the best idea for the go home show for one of the biggest cards of the year. What we got was good, but it could have been a lot better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 17,137
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the first of two requested Rumble reviews of the year to go along with the regular redo of last year’s show. We’re nearing the end of the Attitude Era and Steve Austin is back after nearly a year on the shelf for neck surgery. All signs are pointing to Rock vs. Austin for the title at Wrestlemania and there’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how this is the only chance for a lot of people to become World Champion.

The opening sequence is rather clever as it’s a pole with street signs, each bearing a Rumble participant’s name. The Road to Wrestlemania you see.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending and the story….well it likely doesn’t matter as these teams plus the Hardys feuded for the better part of ever. Thankfully the recap shows us that the Canadians laid both of them out with chair shots to the head on Monday. What a sign of the times that really is. Edge and Christian tease walking out but you know that’s not going anywhere.

D-Von neckbreakers Edge for two to start as Jerry goes over the Dudleys’ family tree. Eh it was better when Heyman did the same thing at Wrestlemania. Bubba comes in and drops a big elbow for two as Lawler makes fun of the concussions. Again, total sign of the times and it’s almost disturbing to hear today. Christian walks into a side slam for two but a forearm to the back of D-Von’s head gives the champs their first control.

A Russian legsweep keeps the head banged up as it’s time to talk about Christian’s hair and teeth. Bubba comes in for a save with Lawler giving tips for how to make the concussion even worse. We get a rare D-Von chant as he tries to fight out of a chinlock. Another neckbreaker gets two on D-Von and Edge stays on the neck. Lawler: “I love it when Edge talks trash.” JR: “Does it keep you aroused?” D-Von gets in half of a double clothesline and it’s time for the slow crawl to the corner.

Like any good villain, Christian distracts the referee so the tag doesn’t count. Instead it’s Conchairto time but the chairs only hit each other, allowing D-Von to clothesline both champions down. NOW the hot tag brings in Bubba and it’s What’s Up to Edge. It’s table time but Christian cuts him off. Edge misses a belt shot and gets rolled up for two. A spear cuts off the 3D though and gives Edge two on Bubba. The champs load up their own What’s Up but D-Von makes the save this time, followed by 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. These teams are always good for a layup and like I said, it’s not like the story really mattered. You could throw any combination of these four and the Hardys out there for a great match and that’s a great thing to have in your back pocket. It’s not like the titles really mattered at this point as the fans wanted to see some combination of these three teams, which the company certainly gave them. The concussion stuff is still a bit rough to sit through though.

Drew Carey arrived earlier today. More on this later.

Also earlier today, Vince clarified that HHH will still get his title shot tonight despite what happened with Steve Austin on Smackdown. What happened you ask? Well again that’s not important enough to mention. Like anyone wasn’t watching the shows at this point though.

HHH doesn’t want Stephanie coming out to the ring tonight but Stephanie says she has to be there to deal with any potential Trish Stratus interference. After listening to Stephanie’s normal levels of acting, we’re joined by someone with some actual talent in that area as Carey comes in. He didn’t know the two of them were married because he’s been a bit busy lately.

Carey talks about running into Kamala recently and HHH tries to get rid of him. Drew understands and is looking for Vince for some tips on his upcoming comedy pay per view. Stephanie leaves with him because she wants to find Trish. Nothing wrong with a little promotion like this and the segment didn’t take long.

The APA talks about showing each other something. Bradshaw: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”. They mean Rumble numbers of course and Faarooq needs two beers. Crash Holly comes in to say he’ll thrown them out tonight even if they’re friends. Bradshaw: “And people say we’re drunks.”

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. They’ve been fighting over the Intercontinental Title and tonight it’s a ladder match for Benoit’s belt. Most of the video doesn’t even have words but it’s not like it matters. Much like the tag match, you could throw these two and Angle out there with whatever story you wanted and it’s going to get a strong reaction. Again, that’s incredibly valuable to have at your disposal.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Benoit is defending in a ladder match and the fight is on in a hurry. The slugout leads to both guys trying their submission to no avail. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post as Lawler picks Benoit to win in a blowout. A shoulder breaker stays on the shoulder and Jericho’s springboard dropkick is knocked out to the floor. They’re definitely going with the idea that Benoit knows Jericho very well to start.

The shoulder goes into the post and it’s already ladder time. It’s way too early to climb though as Jericho pulls him off in an electric chair. Jericho rams the ladder into Benoit’s ribs and puts said ladder in the corner. Now you know what’s going to happen and I know what’s going to happen, but since Jericho is a face here, he’s stupid enough to be whipped into the ladder and fall outside again.

Benoit’s dive through the ropes is blocked with a chair to the head (egads that’s tough to watch). A ladder shot to Benoit’s back only hits barricade and now it’s the ladder going off Jericho’s head. Jericho sends him into the ladder back inside before tying Benoit’s leg into the ladder. That means a super Russian legsweep to bring them both crashing down. Benoit goes into the ladder again and Jericho catapults the ladder into his face to make things even worse. These are some brutal, brutal shots here and they keep getting harder and harder.

Jericho starts going up the ladder so Benoit belly to back suplexes him over the top in a heap. They both head up the ladder this time though and Jericho gets the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER for one of the coolest and most painful looking spots you’ll ever see. Benoit falls off but manages to kick the ladder over, sending Jericho into the ropes. The Crossface makes Jericho tap (and goes back to the shoulder from earlier) but Jericho’s other arm is still good enough to send Benoit into the ladder.

The ladder is set up in the corner but Benoit knocks him off, setting up a HUGE Swan Dive….which only hits mat. Jericho puts the ladder on top of Benoit for a climb but Benoit shoves it forward, sending Jericho crashing into the top rope. Benoit goes up but Jericho makes the save with a chair to knock Benoit to the floor. That’s too much of a fall and Jericho wins the title.

Rating: A. This is one of my all time favorites as the match is nothing short of brutal and featured some unique spots in there. Sometimes you just need two people to beat the heck out of each other with reckless abandon and that’s exactly what you got here. There’s even some psychology with the arm work and that’s all you could ask for. This isn’t a match that needs a lot of analysis because you get everything you need out of just watching the thing.

Carey meets Trish Stratus who isn’t all that interested when he hits on her (Drew Carey isn’t that bad of a catch actually) because she’s involved with someone. That someone would be Vince, who doesn’t seem thrilled to meet Drew. The pay per view is plugged and Vince has an idea to promote the show: Drew can be in the Royal Rumble! Drew: “I don’t wrestle. Of course I don’t act but I have a show.”

Chyna doesn’t want to hear from Billy Gunn about her match with Ivory. She tells him to worry about the Rumble. I’d worry about being Billy Gunn.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The Right to Censor gave Chyna a spike piledriver to put her out of action, meaning her career might have been over. Now she’s back to destroy Ivory for what she’s done to them in what should be a squash.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Chyna

Chyna is challenging and hits some quick clotheslines to begin the dominance. A toss off the top keeps it going and Ivory gets stomped in the corner. Ivory gets tossed outside so Chyna follows her into the crowd for the quick stop. Chyna cleans house, including tossing Steven Richards. Back up and a handspring elbow into the corner crushes Ivory….but Chyna collapses and grabs her neck. Ivory gets the quick cover for the pin after no offense.

Rating: D-. Of course the wrestling isn’t the point here as this was an angle disguised as a match. There are only so many ways you can book Chyna vs. Ivory, or Chyna vs. any woman for that matter, and this is the kind of trick booking you have to use. It’s barely a match of course and what we got was nothing worth seeing of course.

Lawler goes in the ring to check on Chyna and Billy Gunn (who comes from opposite the entrance for some reason) joins him. A long stretcher job ensues.

After someone seems to have her neck horribly injured, we go to Stephanie needing her hair fixed. She runs into Trish and things get catty, as expected.

Harvey Wippelman gives Drew some gear when Kane comes in. I think you know where this is going and it’s starting to wear thin.

Tiger Ali Singh and Low Down (D’Lo Brown and Headbanger Mosh in, shall we say, an ethnic gimmick, which is probably more offensive than funny) are arguing over who gets the spot in the Rumble. Vince comes in and says never mind because Carey is getting their spot. This is the kind of detail that makes the entry a lot easier. You’re not left wondering whose spot Carey is taking because the name is officially give. Also, who is going to remember Brown or Chaz in the match as cannon fodder for a big name? Put Carey in instead and give us a fun moment instead. It’s not like it’s going to change anything.

Fans at WWF New York give their picks for HHH vs. Kurt Angle.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. HHH. Angle won the title a few months back but HHH said he could get the title back whenever he wanted it. A few family strings were pulled and Vince’s son-in-law got the title shot. Since Angle couldn’t have a McMahon in his corner, he got Vince’s mistress Trish. This set Stephanie off and the ladies are in a bigger feud than the men. Oh yeah the men don’t like each other either.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They fight over the arm to start as JR has to point out that this is heel vs. heel for a really weird setup. Lawler of course would rather talk about the women at ringside (to be fair, Stephanie looks great here). Angle throws HHH outside but the fans think the champ sucks. The signature chant hasn’t started yet so that’s still some fresh thinking.

Angle follows him out for some right hands to the face, only to get sent into the barricade for his efforts. Back in and HHH starts on the knee as the announcers discuss Drew Carey. Lawler actually brings up a good point by saying he made a huge name for himself by piledriving Andy Kaufman. What kind of attention would someone get for taking out Drew Carey? Angle whips HHH over the corner for a big crash and more “acting” from Stephanie. Another whip sends him into the steps and it’s Angle being even more aggressive.

A missed charge allows HHH to wrap the leg around the post though and a chair to the knee makes it even worse. HHH follows it up with a chop block and it’s off to the Indian deathlock. Well you knew he was going to work that one in somehow. The Figure Four follows up and JR is talking about all the things Gordon Solie would say about the hold. Trish tries for a save but Stephanie pulls her out for the catfight. Vince comes out to break it up as HHH looks on. Maybe getting some ideas for later?

HHH finally snaps back into it and drops some elbows on the leg. A DDT cuts HHH off though and a bridging German suplex gets two. Kurt goes up but gets low blowed, followed by a Razor’s Edge of all things for two more. You know it’s serious when HHH is using the Kliq moveset. Angle is back up with a suplex and the moonsault, only to bang his knee up some more.

They head outside and the ref gets bumped, with Lawler referring to Hebner as one of his best friends. Back in and HHH goes up, allowing Angle to run the ropes for a super armdrag. There’s no referee so HHH grabs the belt but walks into another suplex. Naturally the Pedigree connects for no count so here’s Austin to lay HHH out with a belt shot.

Rating: B. A little too much overbooking for my taste but the ending makes sense given HHH costing Austin the title a few weeks back (which the announcers finally bothered to mention after the match was over). Angle retaining is fine too as HHH vs. Austin doesn’t need the title and we can get to Rock vs. Austin at Wrestlemania that much easier. Angle still isn’t quite capable of hanging move for move with someone like HHH but he’s certainly able to do enough to cover up his few faults. The fact that he was only about fifteen months on the main roster at this point is almost scary.

The Rock, looking a little stoned, compares the Rumble to a big pot of jambalaya: there’s a bit of everything in it. The big question is whether the Undertaker and Kane are together and you know Rock isn’t letting an easy line like that get by. After talking about Undertaker tickling nipples, Rock says the Rumble could come down to him and anyone from Bull Buchanan to Perry Saturn to Steve Austin. He’ll win either way. Standard Rock here, with crazy charisma and presence without saying anything more than “I’ll win and don’t care who I have to beat”.

Long recap video on the Rumble. Does this really need an explanation? A bunch of people are in and about 25 five of them are kidding themselves into believing they could win.

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals this year so they have a lot of time. Jeff Hardy is in at #1 and Bull Buchanan (of the RTC) is in at #2. Buchanan throws him into the corner but gets punched up to the top for his efforts. That goes nowhere so Matt Hardy is in at #3 in one of those old Rumble tropes. It’s kind of amazing how often this happens isn’t it? Buchanan is tossed without much effort and a fist bump gets us ready for the brother showdown. Matt can’t get him out in the corner so a suplex drops Jeff instead. Faarooq is in at #4 and it’s time to run over some Hardys.

Poetry in Motion into the Twist into the Swanton is enough to dump Faarooq though and it’s back to two. There go the shirts (and the schoolgirl cheers) as it’s time to slug it out. Drew Carey is in at #5 and the Hardys don’t even bother stopping their fight this time. They actually eliminate each other and Drew climbs in, much to the fans’ appreciation. Then the clock runs down and it’s Kane at #6, giving us the only thing JR could possibly say: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.”

Drew tells the Hardys to get back inside and save him as Kane takes his sweet time in a logical move. Carey keeps up the intelligence by offering cash but it’s Raven coming in at #7 with a kendo stick for the save. In the smartest thing he could do, Carey eliminates himself and manages to not have died.

I’ve said this before but that’s one of the best celebrity appearances in WWE history. He came in, he did his thing, he took a spot from a nothing wrestler who would have been tossed in short order and we get a fun moment. About nine months earlier, WCW took a lesser celebrity and made him the World Champion. Now which of these two did things the smart way?

Anyway we’re on to the hardcore section now with Raven spraying Kane with a fire extinguisher, only to have Al Snow jump the gun at #8 and attack Raven from behind. The buzzer, uh, buzzes, and it’s Snow coming in legally this time. That means a bowling ball between Raven’s legs with JR saying it seems like a hurricane blowing through New Orleans. I’ll be leaving that one alone as the hardcore guys beat the heck out of Kane.

Perry Saturn is in at #8 with Lawler and JR losing their minds over Terri’s top. Saturn starts in on Kane’s knee as there are weapons all over the ring. Kane has finally had it with this getting beaten up thing and slams Saturn down but everyone gangs up on him to get Kane down. Then reality sets in that they have to get him back up and throw him over the top. There’s a reason these guys are stuck in the hardcore division. Steve Blackman is in at #9 and WHAT A COINCIDENCE THAT IT’S ANOTHER HARDCORE GUY! I know the line is it’s completely random but these things get hilarious at times.

The brawling continues until Grandmaster Sexay is in at #11. Weapons are swung until Kane has enough of the nonsense and eliminates Sexay with the trashcan. Everyone else follows him out and Kane is alone to face the Honky Tonk Man of all people at #12. For some reason he decides to ask Kane to stand back so we can have a song. One guitar shot later and Kane has his sixth elimination in about four minutes. Again: great usage of a legend there, if nothing else just to give the fans a breather and a transition between the sections of the match.

That next section begins with the Rock coming in at #13 so the slugout can begin. They knock each other down in short order though and it’s Goodfather in at #14….and being eliminated in thirteen seconds, counting entrance. Kane chokes Rock on the ropes with JR getting in the….I’m not sure what the right adjective is but he calls Kane a carnivore and Rock a big piece of Rock Burger.

Tazz is in at #15 and manages to last even shorter than Goodfather. Rock can’t get Kane out either so he settles for a Samoan drop. It’s Bradshaw in at #16 and both Kane and Rock are clotheslined down in short order. Rock takes Bradshaw down but walks into a clothesline from Kane as things stay slow (fine in this case as Rock and Kane have been fighting for a few minutes now and Bradshaw is getting beaten up by both of them). Albert is in at #17 and gets double teamed by Kane and Bradshaw.

Lawler of course asks about Trish and Stephanie with JR cutting him off as fast as he can. The four pair off but no one is eliminated until Hardcore Holly is in at #18. Rock has to survive an elimination attempt as Albert bicycle kicks Kane down (that looked impressive). A running clothesline takes Bradshaw down (for a change) but Rock can’t get Kane past the apron. K-Kwik (R-Truth, who is somehow STILL AROUND seventeen years later) is in at #19 and is promptly stomped in the corner.

Rock can’t get K-Kwik out (Seriously?) and it’s Val Venis in at #20, giving us Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis. The brawling continues with no one coming close to an elimination until William Regal is in at #21. Bradshaw manages to hang on this time as it’s Test in at #22 to keep filling the ring up. Regal is tossed to keep things even though with JR saying he was molested.

The returning Big Show is in at #23 to get rid of Test and K-Kwik, followed by chokeslams to Albert and Bradshaw. Venis and Holly go up and down next, followed by one to Kane for a BIG pop. Rock is smart enough to kick him low though and a spit punch eliminates Show in short order. That was quite the sequence and has the fans right back into things after a bit of a lull. Smart booking, again. Show isn’t done though and loads up the announcers’ table as Crash Holly is in at #24.

The chokeslam puts Rock (not eliminated) through the table and the fans are quieted again. Everyone left in the ring goes after Kane but it’s Undertaker in at #25 to save his brother. The ring is cleared in all of thirty seconds and it’s Kane vs. Undertaker in a staredown with Rock still down on the floor. Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #26 and I’m not even going to bother describing his painful experience. Undertaker and Kane look at the ramp for the next entrant and it’s Steve Austin in at #27….only to have HHH jump him in the aisle.

Rock gets back in to fight the giants as HHH sends Austin into the barricade, busting him open somewhere in there. With Austin down on the floor, Billy Gunn is in at #28. Right hands abound but Undertaker and Kane stomp Rock and Gunn down into the corners. Undertaker DDT’s Rock and punches him in the head but it’s HAKU (the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion but not under contract because WCW WAS STUPID) in at #29.

Austin is still down on the floor and my goodness that’s a lot of blood. Undertaker and Kane beat on Haku, who is nice enough not to eat them. JR and Lawler get in an argument over Austin being attacked because of course they do and it’s heel Rikishi in at #30 (which was already announced). Austin is up to hammer on him in the aisle though and we have a final grouping of Austin, Kane, Undertaker, Rock, Rikishi, Haku and Billy Gunn. Right hands and a clothesline get rid of Haku and we’re down to six.

Undertaker chokeslams Rikishi and sends Rock to the apron but hurts himself headbutting Rikishi. A superkick actually gets rid of Undertaker in probably the biggest success of Rikishi’s heel run. I mean, it’s also one of the only ones but it counts. For some reason Rikishi tries the Bonzai Drop on Rock, earning himself one of the dumbest eliminations of the year. We’re down to four as Undertaker’s motorcycle revving is rather distracting. Gunn hits a Fameasser on Austin and is eliminated for general purposes.

Rock gets in a DDT on Kane and finds himself in an opposite corner from Austin, meaning we have the modern Hogan vs. Warrior moment. The Wrestlemania preview is on and you can actually see the fans standing to watch it. There’s a Stunner to Rock and the Thesz press to Kane, followed by a low blow. A Rock Bottom cuts Austin off but Rock sends Kane through the ropes by mistake.

The big time slugout is on again but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock. Now THAT is a big deal for him…yet he was in a triple threat hardcore match at Wrestlemania. Wrestling is funny that way. Kane chokeslams Austin, only to walk around for a bit. A low blow gives Austin a breather so Kane grabs a chair. No worries though as a Stunner and some chair shots send Austin to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This was the Rumble formula at a very high level with Austin not being a lock to win here (Rock was very much an option) and Kane as the story throughout the match. There were also some long sections in there, along with several stories being set up for the future. The company was on a roll at this point and it’s no shock that the Rumble was excellent as well. Great stuff here and one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: A. When the worst part of the show is an angle disguised as a match, it’s pretty clear that you have a winner. The Rumble and the ladder match here are both top notch and it’s no surprise that things are rolling along as well as they are here. The company was just on a roll at this point with no turning back (until they managed to botch the biggest storyline in wrestling history but that’s a story for later). Just a great show top to bottom here with the only weak spot being a three and a half minute match. That’s some pretty sweet territory and the amazing thing is Wrestlemania blew this away.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B-

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A

2013 Redo: A+

2018 Redo: A

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D-

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2018 Redo: A

It always interests me when the first and third ratings are the same and the middle is different. Still though, great show all around, as it always has been.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/20/royal-rumble-count-up-2001-drew-carey-could-go-to-wrestlemania/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2001-two-masterpieces-in-a-row/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the ngiht.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 2, 2004
Location: SBC Arena, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting very close to Summerslam and that means things are starting to pick up. Last week saw Eugene cost HHH the World Title and I’m sure we’ll need to hear about HHH’s quest for vengeance, because this show is about HHH and no one else. That includes World Champion Chris Benoit, who will be defending against Randy Orton at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of the Iron Man match, including Eugene costing HHH the title.

HHH actually cuts off the intro because he can’t wait to hear himself talk about how important he is. After a brief wait for the fans to yell at him, HHH rants about how last week was supposed to be his time because he was doing something that very few men dare to do. He fought his heart out because his life depended on it. That title is his life but then Eugene took it away from him. A SIMPLETON took it away from him and Eugene can’t even comprehend what he has done. HHH demands that Eugene get out here right now by shouting his name over and over again in acting that would be bad in a WWE Studios film.

William Regal comes out instead, saying that Eugene isn’t here this week. Regal admits that it was his idea for Eugene to come out there last week and actually brings up their tag team in WCW. People like them are just born naughty and if it was anyone else but Eugene, Regal would have applauded what HHH did. If HHH wants a fight tonight, Regal will go put his gear on and fight him with every ounce of violent venom in his body. As usual, Regal’s fire was awesome here and it’s turning him into something.

After that fired up promo, we go to the Diva Search girls for the elimination. It’s Camille, one of the blondes. Good for her. Anyway, tonight the remaining women can have 20 seconds each to campaign for why they should stick around.

Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance

Non-title. The fight is on before the bell with Tajiri throwing Grenier inside for some kicks to the back. Rhyno hits a flying shoulder and Tajiri adds a running dropkick as Conway still can’t get his jacket off. A double flapjack drops Grenier and there’s the handspring elbow. Rhyno Gores Conway and Tajiri sunset flips Grenier for the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long but they packed a ton of stuff into it.

Randy Orton says it was his destiny to lose the Intercontinental Title so he can become the youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history. Brock Lesnar did it when he was 25 but Orton is only 24. Orton has killed off one legend after another and that’s what he’s going to do to Chris Benoit at Summerslam. Nice little promo here.

Smackdown Rebound.

Matt Hardy comes in to see Lita and, after getting rid of Stacy Keibler, tells her that he wants them to be together. Like, they should get married. I don’t see this going well.

Tyson Tomko vs. Rosey

…..run away while you still can. Rosey has Stacy with him just because. Tomko’s headlock doesn’t last long so he forearms Rosey in the back a few times. That earns him a trip to the floor and Stacy stretches to the fans’ delight. Back in and Tomko chokes on the ropes but charges into a boot in the corner. Rosey drops a leg and Stacy does a cartwheel with her skirt flying up. Just in case you thought she had any value otherwise. The spinning legdrop gets two and let’s get a slow motion replay of the cartwheel. A Trish Stratus distraction lets Tomko kick Rosey in the face for the pin.

Rating: D-. I used to be a big Stacy fan but time has not been kind to her. She’s literally just there for her looks and that’s all she has going for her. I know the women’s division isn’t much, but keeping people like her around hasn’t aged well when you can see what the women’s division can become. That role can be done well by the right people, but Stacy just wasn’t that good. The match on the other hand was as bad as you would have guessed.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel and Jericho wastes no time in bringing out Edge as his guest. Edge very reluctantly shakes his hand, which isn’t a good sign when they’re in a tag match tonight. Jericho gets right to the point by announcing Edge defending the title at Summerslam against himself and Batista. We move on to the battle royal last week and Edge isn’t happy about Jericho eliminating him. Edge thought they were friends after they got rid of five guys together but then Jericho couldn’t put his ego aside.

That’s why Orton is getting the title shot at Summerslam because he threw Jericho out. Edge: “I haven’t seen you get dumped that badly since Trish Stratus.” Jericho talks about Edge’s theme song saying “you think you know me”. Well Edge is going to know Jericho when he takes the Intercontinental Title. The fight is on with Edge hitting a spear and destroying the set. Edge grabs a chair but throws it down, probably due to the two of them being in a tag match tonight. Jericho doesn’t want to be helped up though and drops Edge with a right. If Edge wasn’t a heel yet, he’s right on the brink and not a minute too soon.

How to vote for the Diva Search eliminations.

HHH vs. William Regal

Regal jumps him during the entrance (as he should) and the fight is on with HHH being sent into the set. HHH gets knocked over the announcers’ table and down to ringside. They head inside for the bell…and a right hand with brass knuckles to knock Regal cold for the DQ in about twenty seconds. Why can these two just not have a match?

Regal is busted open and HHH makes it worse by pulling out the sledgehammer. Regal knocks him down though and grabs the knuckles but walks into the sledgehammer to the head to make the bleeding even worse. Referees come out and Regal does a stretcher job (while saying Chris, his wife’s name, over and over in a nice touch) but HHH turns it over in a heel move that will always work. Good landing from Regal and HHH came off like the really evil version, even if it’s setting up a match with Eugene.

Post break, Eric Bischoff makes HHH vs. Eugene for Summerslam. Joy.

And now, the Diva Search campaigning.

Joy wants to be a Diva because she wants to be in front of a crowd.

Amy wants to be a Diva because she’s here for the long haul and will spank Evolution.

Chandra wants to win because this fits her personality so well.

Carmella wants to be a Diva because….well she doesn’t actually say as she’s just saying how great the fans are.

Tracy wants to be a Diva because she’ll fight hard and dirty. She strips as she talks and gives the number to call to vote for her in a smart idea.

Maria wants to be a Diva because this seems to be a fun place to work and they support the troops.

Christy wants to be a Diva because she has a lot of energy and wants to live this life.

Michelle wants to be a Diva because she’s been a huge wrestling fan since she was six and this is her dream.

They kept things shorter and WAY less dumb this week but that just brings it up to a waste of time instead of an all time disaster.

Kane chokes Lita and promises to get to Matt at Summerslam. Their match is official and Lita says Matt can beat him again. She’s so sure that she’ll marry the winner. Kane says it’s a pity that Lita won’t be able to wear white on their wedding day. Lita slaps him and he laughs.

Kane vs. Maven

Maven starts fast with a spinwheel kick and a pair of dropkicks to put Kane on the floor. The dive is kicked out of the air and the real beating begins. Back in and the chokeslam finishes Maven in a hurry. Just a squash, which makes Maven’s not bad performance last week seem like a waste.

Post match Kane says that’s what he’s going to do to Matt at Summerslam in the Til Death Do Us Part match.

The Diva Search girls do their bikini thing. They’ve managed to have this lose its impact.

Evolution vs. Chris Benoit/Edge/Chris Jericho

Edge runs by his partners and starts slugging away at Orton before choking with the t-shirt. It’s off to Jericho for a suplex to Orton and some chops to Flair. The fellow Canadians get in some shots from the apron and there’s the Flair Flop. Flair gets back up and spits at Benoit, which you know is going to bring him in. Some chops are no sold and Flair pokes him in the eye, only to get caught in a backslide for two. It’s off to Batista for the big shoulders in the corner and a good looking side slam.

Flair comes back in for the Figure Four to make Orton rather happy, but Flair makes the mistake of slapping Benoit in the face. That’s enough to fire up the comeback but Batista isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A basement dropkick to Batista’s head has no effect so Benoit avoids a charge to send him shoulder first into the post instead. That’s enough for the hot tag to Jericho who can’t get the Walls on Batista. He can however hit the running crotch attack to the back, followed by the Lionsault for one as everything breaks down. The Canadians clean house and we take a break.

Back with Orton holding Edge in a chinlock and Flair coming in for some shots to the face. A clothesline takes Edge down and Flair, never one to learn, goes up top and gets slammed off in short order. It’s off to Orton vs Jericho with the backbreaker taking Jericho down to put Evolution right back in control. The fans want tables (oh come on) as Jericho can’t get the Walls. What he can get is a tag to Benoit, who chops away at Flair in the corner and knocks him out to the floor.

Batista comes in instead and is put straight into the Crossface (JR: “That’ll bring you to your milk!”) with Orton making a save. Batista has to do the same to get Flair out of the Walls and a spinebuster plants Jericho. That gives Batista two and it’s off to Orton for a knee drop into some choking. The hard chinlock goes on for a good minute plus before Jericho comes back with the sleeper drop. It’s too early for the big hot tag though so Batista bends Jericho’s back over the knee instead. Jericho finally gets free and knocks Batista down, allowing the hot tag to Benoit so house can be cleaned for real.

The rolling German suplexes take care of Orton and Flair is sent outside. Batista sends Jericho into Edge though before blasting Jericho with the huge clothesline. More German suplexes get Benoit out of trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on Flair, only to have Orton score with the RKO and pin Benoit.

Rating: B+. I’m really going to miss these Canada vs. Evolution matches when they’re gone because any combination of them works so well together. This was more great action until the storyline advancing ending and that’s all you could ever want. While it’s not quite enough to save the full show, this was another great main event in a series between any mixture of these guys.

Overall Rating: B. The main event carries the show but there was other good stuff to fill in the night. They made sure to not have as much stuff focusing on Eugene, which helps a lot as well. The problem there though is Eugene has to face HHH at some point and things are going to fall apart from there. Other than that, the only bad things on the show were the Divas and Tomko vs. Rosey, making for a pretty easy night. Now if only Summerslam can live up to the hype.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 26, 2004
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now you might not believe this, but it’s a HHH night as he gets another (yes another) World Title shot, this time in a sixty minute Iron Man Match. Normally I would say that this has to be it for HHH’s time near the title but you know that’s not going to be the case. Other than that I’m sure we’re in for a night full of the Diva Search girls because they dominated last week’s show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

And yeah we open with the Diva Search girls being introduced in the back as Julia is eliminated. She’s the good looking blonde one in a revealing outfit who smiles a lot. Totally different from the good looking blonde ones in revealing outfits who smile a lot. After she’s gone, Coach says that tonight, their task is to verbally seduce a WWE superstar. Oh geez is THIS show.

Video on the Iron Man match, which is either the same video from Vengeance or very similar, with a bonus part about tonight at the end.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Edge, Tyson Tomko, Sylvan Grenier, Robert Conway, Stevie Richards, Hurricane, Maven, William Regal, Rodney Mack, Randy Orton, Tajiri, Rhyno, Rosey, Val Venis, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Hardy, Chris Jericho, Kane, Batista, Ric Flair

Edge gets the first entrance and we see about a dozen people in the ring. Since JR is slow at times, he seems confused as to why Edge is here as well. Eric Bischoff comes out to say the winner gets the World Title shot at Summerslam. Minor note here: the wrestlers didn’t know why they were in the ring or what they were fighting for. Venis was very happy about the news and looked fired up to get a shot. That’s the kind of realistic reaction that you don’t get in today’s overly scripted world. Or maybe he’s just a better actor.

Jericho and Tomko start fighting before the bell and it’s Evolution jumping on Regal for the first elimination. Edge and Jericho clothesline Tomko out and a spear puts Palumbo (He still has a job?) down, followed by a toss out. Jericho walks into the RKO and Evolution tries to get rid of him with Edge making a logical save. We take a break and come back with a very excited JR telling us that Venis and Hardy were put out during the commercial at Kane’s hands. Matt came back in to get after Kane but couldn’t get rid of him. Maybe that’s why Lita cheated on him.

Back to live action with Hurricane being thrown out and Rosey eliminating Mack and Richards. Jericho gets sent to the apron and low bridges Rosey so Edge can dropkick him out. Tajiri saves Rhyno from Au Revoir and kicks La Resistance out. For some reason Tajiri tries the Tarantula on Kane and gets eliminated for his stupidity. Kane powerslams Maven and Flair goes up, with Edge slamming him down instead of knocking him off due to reasons of Flair is too old to take a bump like that.

Another spear hits Kane but he sits up next to the ropes. We take another break and come back with no extra eliminations, meaning it’s Batista, Orton, Flair, Edge, Jericho, Maven, Rhyno and Kane as this is certainly getting some time. Kane starts cleaning house and shrugs off Flair’s chops, setting up a good chokeslam. We get the required battle of the bulls with Batista and Kane with a spinebuster taking Kane down.

That earns him a Gore, to one heck of a reaction. There’s a good lesson there about protecting a move, as Rhyno hasn’t won a big match in forever but the Gore is still viewed as devastating so people still buy it. Maven throws Flair out but Rhyno Gores him as well. That’s it for Rhyno though as Batista throws him out and we’re down to six. Everyone gets together to eliminate Kane and Orton drops Maven ribs first onto the top rope for an elimination.

Edge and Jericho get rid of Batista, with Orton seeming to see what happened and not doing anything about it. The partnership doesn’t last long though as Jericho tosses Edge and we’re down to Jericho and Orton. A spinebuster takes Jericho down and a catapult puts Jericho on the ropes but he gets back in. Orton saves himself as the fans are behind Jericho (well duh).

Some skinning of the cat lets Jericho get back in (Orton: “Mother******!”) and they fight on the apron. The slugout gives us some near eliminations with both guys having one leg go near the floor. Orton gets back in but scores with an RKO over the middle rope, followed by a dropkick for the win. Just like at Wrestlemania, Orton seems shocked that he won, which makes sense given how young he still is.

Rating: B-. They did well with this as the action was good and, as tends to be the key to battle royals, the extra time allowed the drama to build up. You can only get things going so well when the match is ten minutes long and that wasn’t an issue here. Orton winning is a nice surprise, as you absolutely have to try someone new at some point and with the long Intercontinental Title reign and rematch out of the way, there isn’t really anything else for him to do but move up to the main event.

And now, the Diva Search girls get twenty seconds each to verbally seduce…..Kamala. This results in some horrible acting (yeah I know), Kamala shouting and slapping his stomach a lot, and the girls wondering how they got talked into this. Michelle goes first and says Kamala could teach her a thing or two and…..oh dear how many of them are left? Christy asks if she can show him how a body slam works because she’s new at wrestling.

Camille says he has beautiful hands as there isn’t a lot of seducing going on around here. Maria asks Kamala if he knows what verbally seducing means. Maybe he knows it better than any of the girls so far. Maria: “Is that what you do? You pound your belly?” Tracy does lines from the Nutty Professor and laughs a lot. Carmella laughs too and says that Kamala is so hot, sounding like she’s about to cry.

Chandra screams upon seeing Kamala and pulls at her top a bit. Amy, in a tied off Hines Ward jersey to a big pop, promises that she would rock Kamala’s world and dances against him a bit. Finally (thank goodness), Joy thinks Kamala is from Hawaii and asks to slap his belly. Joy: “Do the WWE dance.” That was the most grueling 7:33 of my life and THIS IS GOING TO KEEP GOING FOR HOW MANY MORE WEEKS??? This is the kind of thing that would embarrass me if a non-wrestling fan saw me watching it and that’s about as low as you can get. Side note: did any of these people know who Kamala was? Like, any one of them?

Smackdown Rebound. I’ve never been so happy to see JBL.

Clip of some WWE personalities at the Democratic National Convention in Boston for another voting drive. Nothing wrong with that, even though Linda McMahon is there. Hearing Stacy Keibler talking about the economy is….weird.

Diva Search. Swimsuits. How to vote. More time wasted. Each one of them gets their own phone number for the voting as this eats up even more time.

Flair and Batista congratulate Orton on his win until HHH comes in. Orton is ready to face him for the World Title at Summerslam and wishes him good luck tonight, which HHH eventually accepts. He doesn’t need luck though.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is challenging in a sixty minute Iron Man match. After a rules explanation (with overtime promised in the event of a draw), we’re ready to go with a lockup around the ring. HHH gets in a slap to the face as the feeling out process continues. Benoit’s headlock is countered into a top wristlock with Benoit bridging back up (always cool) but not being able to get the Crossface.

That’s enough for HHH to take a breather on the floor as the time filler is completely acceptable here. Back in and the threat of a Pedigree has Benoit running for the ropes as a random HHH chant starts up. Benoit can’t get the Crossface so he settles for another headlock. The Crossface sends HHH running outside again as we’re five minutes in.

Benoit goes after the knee this time with a legdrag and some cannonballs down onto the leg. HHH gets a boot up in the corner and hits a DDT to cut Benoit off. The Pedigree is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt which is countered into the Crossface as we’re ten minutes in. HHH tries to roll out but gets rolled up to put Benoit up 1-0 with 49:50 to go.

Benoit – 1, HHH – 0

Back from a break with Benoit holding a chinlock with 46:15 to go. A snap suplex gives Benoit two and a German suplex gets the same. The abdominal stretch goes on as I wait for the Wilbur Snyder reference. HHH finally gets it over to the ropes and hiptosses Benoit over, sending him back first onto the apron. Back in and a heck of an Irish whip into the corner puts Benoit (bleeding from the mouth) down.

Another whip is reversed to flip HHH over the corner and there’s the dive through the ropes with Benoit crashing hard into the barricade. We take another break with both guys down on the floor and come back with about 37:00 minutes left. HHH blocks a Sharpshooter attempt so Benoit softens up the knee a little bit more. Benoit channels his inner HHH with a modified Indian deathlock, which suits him far better than HHH.

The Figure Four keeps the knee in trouble until HHH makes a rope. A hot shot onto the turnbuckle rocks Benoit for a delayed two with 33:00 to go. Benoit rolls the German suplexes and goes up but misses the Swan Dive. The Pedigree ties us up with….well there’s no clock but I’d assume about 31:00 to go.

Benoit – 1, HHH – 1

Benoit is down on the floor and HHH knees him back off the apron as we hit the halfway mark. HHH drops the still injured chest onto the steps and gets a countout with 28:45 to go.

HHH – 2, Benoit – 1

We take a break and come back with 25:21 to go as HHH whips him chest first into the buckle for two. HHH hammers away some more as King talks about voting for his favorite Diva. During a World Title match with the champion in trouble. Because WWE of course. Anyway HHH kicks him in the back and hits the spinebuster for another fall at 21:54 to go.

HHH – 3, Benoit – 1

We take another break and come back with Benoit hiptossing his way out of an abdominal stretch at 18:29. The Pedigree is countered into a failed Sharpshooter attempt. That works so well that they do it again, this time with the hold going on. HHH holds on for over a minute before finally tapping with 15:40 to go. That was some nice drama before the tap.

HHH – 3, Benoit – 2

HHH takes a breather on the floor so Benoit keeps him there with a baseball slide. Back in and the Crossface has HHH in more trouble but this time he gets a foot on the rope. Benoit slaps it on again and HHH taps to tie us up at 12:03 to go.

HHH – 3, Benoit – 3

With the score tied, Flair and Batista come out as we take what should be the final break. Back with 8:30 to go and HHH throws Benoit outside. A knee to the face keeps Benoit in trouble and Batista posts him behind the referee’s back to earn his keep. That’s enough to bust Benoit open and he’s thrown inside for two. HHH hammers away in the corner with 6:00 left. Some rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble but the referee gets bumped.

The Crossface goes on so Evolution comes in, with Flair throwing in a chair so HHH can crack Benoit in the head. There’s no referee to count so HHH asks Benoit if he’s ok and covers with 4:30 to go. Cue Bischoff with a fresh referee for three straight near falls, drawing Flair back up to the apron. HHH throws the other referee to the floor and it’s Batista and Flair coming in to destroy Benoit again.

Eugene comes in for the save and of course he can beat up Flair, Batista and HHH on his own. Bischoff gets knocked off the apron with 2:30 to go and Eugene chairs HHH down. Benoit crawls over and, with Eugene throwing the referee back in, takes the lead with 6 seconds left and of course wins 4-3. That chair shot knocked HHH cold for over two minutes.

Rating: B. Normally you would think that there would be a lot to talk about in an Iron Man match but that’s not really the case here. It was just an extended version of any HHH vs. Benoit match. In other words, it’s entertaining and a good match, but it’s not like we haven’t seen any of this before. That leaves one thing to talk about it’s not good.

Eugene is completely done as a character as he’s gone from using his comedy style to beat up Rob Conway (fine) to beating up HHH and a mostly fresh Batista and Flair at the same time. Last week Benoit himself got his head handed to him by Batista and Flair is Flair, but Eugene can beat them all up without breaking a sweat? That’s the kind of thing that someone like Hogan, Austin, Rock or Cena should have trouble doing but Eugene did it here with almost no problem. That not only defeats the purpose of the character but goes WAY too far, and it’s going to be even worse when he faces HHH at Summerslam.

Eugene poses on the announcers’ table and a bunch of replays set up HHH glaring at Eugene to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. There are pretty much three segments on this show, giving you two strong matches that set up the Summerslam main event (plus at least one other match) and both of them were more than fine enough. The problem is the Diva Search stuff, which isn’t funny, isn’t likely drawing any extra fans, and is just showing how worthless these non-wrestlers really are.

The Raw women’s division isn’t great, but it serves a purpose that helps a wrestling show. This stuff is fan service that fills in time, which isn’t good for someone who wants to watch some wrestling around here. Keep those things to one minute segments and do the rest of the stuff on the website if you just have to have it. Last week on Smackdown, Kurt Angle fired four women for having no talents inside the ring. Now we have to see ten more complete for one spot for probably the next two months? That’s our big segment for the summer? I’m so thrilled. Anyway, good show this week, but fast forward through the Diva Search.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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