Elimination Chamber 2018
Date: February 25, 2018
Location: T-Mobile Arena, Paradise, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’re only two stops away from Wrestlemania now because it just wouldn’t be right to not squeeze in a pair of pay per views between the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. Tonight is a show of pretty predictable endings but at least the Elimination Chamber matches themselves should be a lot of fun. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home Raw.

And last year’s show.

Kickoff Show: Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage

Axel headlocks Anderson to start but gets kicked in the face as the announcers talk about Sasha Banks. A clothesline takes Axel down again and there’s the HI-YAH kick in the corner. Back from a break with Axel slowly stomping Anderson down as the announcers talk about the stars being out in Vegas tonight. Anderson gets in a clothesline and rolls over for the hot tag to Gallows. A high kick to Axel has the Miztourage in trouble but the referee says there was no tag. Not that it matters as Anderson grabs the spinning spinebuster to set up the real hot tag. The Magic Killer puts Dallas away at 8:49.

Rating: D+. Total Raw level tag match here and that’s not the best thing in the world. The Revival needs to be in this picture a lot sooner, hopefully getting the titles somewhere around Wrestlemania (the night after would be a good place). Odds are this sets up a six man or Miz vs. Balor and that’s all it should be doing.

The opening video is standard fare: tonight is the last way to get to Wrestlemania and it involves the most dangerous structure.

We hit a long package on the Women’s Elimination Chamber. It’s a big part of the Women’s Revolution (take a shot every time you hear that in the video) as we’ve never had one before. The winner goes on to face someone, possibly Asuka, at Wrestlemania.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Mandy Rose vs. Sonya Deville vs. Mickie James

Bliss is defending, the entrance intervals are five minutes and it’s Mickie vs. Bayley to start things off. Feeling out process to start with Bayley taking over and hitting an early bulldog. Sonya sends her over the top and onto the cage floor but Bayley jumps onto the wall to avoid some pain. Sonya gets send hard into the Chamber wall for two and Bayley goes up. That sends Sonya back to the floor so Bayley drops the elbow there for two (inside the ring of course) instead. We hit the chinlock until Mandy is in third.

A quick Stunner over the ropes cuts Mandy off and the fans are behind Bayley in the glorified handicap match. Bayley gets taken outside and driven hard onto the floor as the numbers game starts taking over. The double teaming continues with Mandy hitting a middle rope knee to the chest for two. Bayley gets her arms hung up in the wall so Absolution can fire in strikes to the ribs but the clock starts ticking down. Mandy and Sonya actually realize it and are waiting in Sasha, who comes in fourth.

House is cleaned in a hurry and the running double knees get two on Sonya. With Mandy down, Sasha and Bayley double team Sonya into the Chamber. Mandy gets back up and hits a German suplex faceplant (Fan: “THAT WAS DOPE!”) on Sasha, only to get caught in the Bank Statement for the tap at 13:50. Mickie James (in Wonder Woman gear) is in fifth and cleans house, as is the custom for someone joining the match. A hurricanrana from the Chamber wall drops Deville and it’s only Mickie standing. James heads to the top of a pod and it’s a huge Thesz press to get rid of Deville at 17:40.

Not that it matters as the Backstabber into the Bayley to Belly eliminates Mickie at 18:03 (so much for the last few weeks of Bliss and Mickie being friends), leaving us with Bayley and Banks in the ring as we wait on Bliss. Alexa finally comes in and climbs the wall but is surrounded in a hurry. She tries to crawl from side to side and winds up on a pod….but Banks turns on Bayley by kicking her down.

Bliss sends Banks into the buckles though and slaps the heck out of Bayley for two. Bayley is back up and ties Banks in the Tree of Woe for a stomping but Bliss catches her on top in a superplex. Banks’ frog splash gets two on Bayley but she’s back up with a super Bayley to Belly. A rollup gets rid of Bayley at 25:39 and we’re down to two. Twisted Bliss hits Banks’ knees so she fires off knees against the Chamber.

One misses though and Bliss drills her from behind to take over again. Another Twisted Bliss on the floor crushes Sasha but it doesn’t count so Banks reverses into the Bank Statement. They head inside with Bliss driving her into the corner but Banks kicks her down. Sasha looks up to the top of a pod and this isn’t going to go well. Alexa kicks her face first into the pod and an elevated DDT retains the title at 29:42.

Rating: C. It got WAY better once Bliss came in but this didn’t need to be a Chamber match. No one bought anyone but Banks and Bliss (or maybe Bayley) as winning here and Bliss winning was the obvious choice. The Thesz press was a cool spot but the Twisted Bliss should have been the finish. Still though, not terrible and better than some of the men’s matches over the years.

Post match, with Banks crying on the steps, Bliss gives an emotional speech about how this is proof that you can accomplish your dreams. This is for everyone who has ever dreamed big….and none of you will ever accomplish anything. She is the one true goddess of WWE and that is never going to change. Thank goodness, as Bliss is a million times better as a heel.

Braun Strowman is ready to go to Wrestlemania and make Brock Lesnar his little beastie boy.

Tag Team Titles: Titus Worldwide vs. The Bar

The Bar is defending and jump the challengers early on, only to have Apollo hit a big dive to the floor. We settle down to Cesaro uppercutting Apollo for two, followed by Sheamus coming in for an armbar. Cesaro hits a front facelock and brings Sheamus back in for another armbar. It would be nice if they mixed the submissions up but that’s not likely to happen in a cool down match like this.

Cesaro grabs a chinlock and again it’s back to Sheamus for a front facelock. Geez at least pretend to try. Apollo sends Sheamus shoulder first into the post and it’s off to Titus for the power game. Cesaro gets pulled out of the air and Sheamus dives into the Clash of the Titus for two. Apollo’s high crossbody into the standing moonsault gets two but Titus gets sent outside. A chop block into the assisted White Noise retains the titles at 10:03.

Rating: D+. Another standard Raw tag match here, and actually worse than most of their previous matches. The ending was a bit of a surprise but I’d rather a bigger team take the titles from the Bar than a short run team. The problem though is who gets to take those titles from them, as there aren’t exactly a bunch of face teams worth much at the moment.

Trailer for the Andre the Giant documentary. That looks amazing.

Video on Asuka vs. Nia Jax. Nia wants to break the streak and that’s about it.

Asuka by the numbers video.

Nia Jax vs. Asuka

If Nia wins, she’s added to the Women’s Title match at Wrestlemania. Nia wastes no time in throwing Asuka around, including tossing away the jumping armbar. Something like a curb stomp into a running elbow gets two. Asuka strikes away for some effect but gets taken down again in short order. Another armbar is countered into a slam (close to a Jackhammer) but this time Nia isn’t following up as fast.

Asuka’s kicks to the chest are shrugged off for a Samoan drop and another near fall. A big kick to the face gets two and Asuka is looking frustrated. Asuka goes up top but gets slammed down, only to avoid the middle rope splash. The cross armbreaker goes on but Nia rolls over and drives her into the corner for the break. Nia shouts a lot and tries a powerbomb, which is reversed into a hurricanrana to give Asuka the pin at 8:13.

Post match Nia is still livid and drives Asuka through the barricade.

Bliss says no one is ready for her.

Roman Reigns isn’t worried about Paul Heyman’s threats on the Kickoff Show because he’s winning the Chamber and the title.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy. Matt was sick of losing and finally became awoken, setting up the battle of creepy characters with weird laughs.

Matt Hardy vs. Bray Wyatt

Matt comes out first and Bray does his appear in the ring entrance….but Matt disappears. We get a Matt voiceover with him saying the words Jeff used to use in Impact Wrestling (you’ll fade away and classify yourself as obsolete). Matt says tonight we delete but Bray can’t find him. Finally Matt pops up and jumps Bray in a bit of an anti-climactic moment. The bell rings and Bray isn’t sure what to do, so Matt offers some applause. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray hits his running body block.

We hit the chinlock and it’s BEACH BALL TIME BECAUSE A WRESTLING SHOW NEEDS A BEACH BALL FOR ENTERTAINMENT! It seems to be taken away as Bray stomps on Matt but charges into a boot to the face. A tornado DDT drops Wyatt and the Side Effect gets two. Matt takes too long loading up the middle rope elbow and it’s a release Rock Bottom to take him down. The middle rope backsplash misses though and Matt reverses Sister Abigail into a Twist of Fate for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C. And that’s it for the feud being interesting, even though this wasn’t all that much in the first place. Matt has lost all of his steam and Bray didn’t have any steam in the first place. Wyatt needs to either go away for a long time or have a crisis and turn face, because this is making things worse and worse every week.

Long package on Ronda Rousey, the same that has aired on Raw.

It’s time for the Rousey signing, with Kurt Angle, Stephanie McMahon and HHH out with her. HHH gives her a big introduction and here’s Ronda, with Stephanie welcoming her as well. Ronda seems taken aback to be here and talks about how amazing it is to be in the ring with Kurt.

We stop for a Ronda chant but HHH wants to get down to business. They’re ready to sign the contract, which will put Rousey on the Wrestlemania card. Ronda doesn’t want to be given anything special so that’s fine with her. I mean, it puts her in Fandango territory. Rousey is about to sign but Angle has a look on his face. She asks if he has something to say and Kurt praises HHH and Stephanie.

They wanted to manipulate her for what happened at Wrestlemania XXXI (not XXI Kurt). Apparently HHH said “three years in the making and now we own the b….”. HHH: “KURT SHUT UP!” He blames the flu for Kurt’s statements and the men leave. Stephanie starts getting serious and wants to sign the contract but Angle says hang on a second. Apparently Stephanie has been calling Ronda a has been and even she could beat Rousey up. Rousey goes to the angry face and backs Stephanie up to the ropes but HHH makes the save. Ronda shoves his arms away too and slams HHH through the table.

That earns her the big slap from Stephanie….and then reality sets in. Fans: “YOU F***ED UP!” Stephanie bails and Rousey signs the contract. This was EXACTLY how it should have been and far better than the Rumble. It’s a perfectly done story and Angle in the tag match (possibly fighting for his job) is the right way to go. Have Rousey break Stephanie’s arm into 34 pieces in New Orleans and everything is fine.

Long recap of the Men’s Elimination Chamber. Everyone wants to face Lesnar and that’s about it.

Elias vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. Roman Reigns vs. The Miz vs. Braun Strowman vs. John Cena

The winner faces Lesnar at Wrestlemania. Elias has a song for us about how he’s not scared of anyone, including Lesnar, who he’ll beat when he gets his chance. Miz, Balor and Rollins will start things off because quantity means quality. It’s Miz going for the early alliances but his Too Sweet is shot down. Instead it’s Rollins and Balor joining forces, only to roll Balor up for two in short order. Miz’s sunset flip is countered with a basement dropkick for two and it’s time to trade reversals.

Rollins is right back up with the springboard clothesline as Cole mentions Rollins having more pay per view wins in the last five years than anyone else. The Skull Crushing Finale is broken up so Rollins goes with the double Blockbuster for two each instead. It’s Cena in fourth and that means a showdown with Rollins. They talk a lot of trash about how this is to go to Wrestlemania and the shoulder blocks put Rollins down. A ProtoBomb to Miz sets up a double Shuffle. Balor is back in so Cena throws both he and Rollins onto his shoulders. That goes nowhere so Miz gets two on Rollins off the Reality Check.

Cena superplexes Balor and Rollins does the same to Miz, putting all four down until Reigns is in fifth. Miz DDTs Balor and winds up being the only person on his feet, meaning it’s a big circle of YES Kicks. Seth gets sent hard over the top for a crash onto the floor but Roman is back up with a sitout powerbomb for two on Miz. The clock begins and since Elias is left, Strowman is in sixth. Everyone goes after Braun so he suplexes Cena and Rollins (who has a great in pain face) at the same time. Balor is thrown into Reigns and it’s Braun staring Miz down. Miz tries to climb a pod….and STROWMAN GETS UP THERE FIRST!

Braun slams him head first into the Plexiglas and then tosses Miz onto the pile. With everyone else down, Braun stares at Elias, stops to throw Rollins over the top, and then stares at him again. The running powerslam eliminates Miz at 20:00 and we have five people in the Chamber. Elias comes in to complete the field….or at least he’s allowed to but stays in the pod, leaving the other four to pound Braun down.

A QuadrupleBomb with Cena helping Reigns gets two, even with everyone covering. The AA only gets one, the spear gets two, the Curb Stomp sends Strowman to the floor and Balor adds the Coup de Grace. Instead of covering though it’s an AA to Reigns but Rollins jumps Cena. Rollins and Balor crossbody each other so now Elias comes in for some near falls. Elias takes his shot at a few people but an electric chair into a sitout powerbomb only gets two on Reigns. Braun is back up though and Elias tries the electric chair on him. That means a running powerslam and Elias is gone at 26:35.

Rollins saves Reigns from a similar fate and it’s time to go after Strowman again. Cena dives into another powerslam though and we’re down to four at 27:05. Strowman is on his feet while Cena looks scared because HE MIGHT NOT GO TO WRESTLEMANIA! I’M SURE! Balor slips out of the powerslam and hits a pair of shotgun dropkicks to stagger Balor. A Coup de Grace to the back gets two but Rollins hits an enziguri on Balor. Finn is right back with the Pele and 1916 gets two on Seth. Another dropkick puts Reigns in the corner and the Coup de Grace connects but the powerslam gets rid of Balor at 30:24.

Rollins low bridges Braun to the Chamber floor and stomps away with Reigns helping things out. Strowman shrugs them off so Reigns hits a Samoan drop as Rollins goes to the top of the pod. With a look to the Wrestlemania sign, Rollins hits the frog splash for two and everyone is down. Back to back superkicks look to set up the Curb Stomp but instead it’s a fifth powerslam for a fifth elimination at 36:26.

Strowman takes the shirt off and waits on Roman as we hit the GET THESE HANDS chant. Reigns comes at him and sidesteps a charge to send Strowman through a pod (I’ve been waiting for that.). Braun is up so there’s the Superman Punch and the booing commences. Another one puts Strowman on a knee but the spear is blocked. Instead it’s a third Superman Punch and two spears to send Reigns to Wrestlemania at 39:57 to near silence.

Rating: B+. It’s been the same problem for the last year: there is no reason for this to be Reigns other than the script says so. Strowman has been built up for a year now and the fans want to see him. For whatever reason though, WWE would rather try Reigns AGAIN instead of pulling the trigger on what seems to be a big layup. I know Reigns probably has more potential long term, but right now it should be Strowman. We’ve tried Reigns before and it hasn’t quite worked (though it hasn’t failed), but now it should be the logical play.

The match itself was entertaining and I was getting behind Strowman more and more, even if the ending wasn’t exactly a secret. No one else really mattered in the match with Strowman eliminating everyone but Reigns. He looked like a star and should get a huge Wrestlemania match (Cena would be interesting) but the ending took away a lot of the momentum.

Post match Reigns celebrates but Strowman gives him two powerslams.

Overall Rating: C+. Certainly not a bad show but the completely worthless midcard didn’t help things, much like the show, with five matches, SOMEHOW HAVING ANOTHER OVERRUN. Like seriously, it’s 11:20 on a Sunday night. Cut something down or out (four minute intervals would have been a fine idea) but find a way to get these things under control. And in May we go to half an hour longer than this every month? Or will those have an overrun too? Overall though, good show with the main event and Rousey segments being the high points.

Results

Alexa Bliss won the Women’s Elimination Chamber last eliminating Sasha Banks

The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Assisted White Noise to Apollo

Asuka b. Nia Jax – Hurricanrana

Matt Hardy b. Bray Wyatt – Twist of Fate

Roman Reigns won the Men’s Elimination Chamber last eliminating Braun Strowman

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: September 16, 1999
Attendance: 8,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is only the fourth episode of the show and there’s a big time main event which we’ll get to soon enough. We’re at the dying end of the Russo Era and that means things are going to be a little big screwy. In other words, expect a lot of stuff going on at once but almost no good wrestling in sight. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, the referees were on strike. Why do wrestling companies think we care about referees?

Opening sequence, including a shot of Chris Jericho, who had only debuted about five weeks earlier. That’s some fast turnaround.

Cole calls this “the hottest action adventure series” on network TV. Vince must have had a thing about that kind of term around this time.

Here’s Steve Austin to get things going. Cole: “He is sports entertainment personified!” Oh yeah Vince wasn’t happy with something. Austin lost to HHH via DQ on Monday but that’s not it between them by a long shot. When HHH beat on his knees with a chair at Summerslam, he stopped way too early. As long as Austin is walking, he’s going to hunt HHH down like the jacka** he is.

Austin wants a rematch tonight and we might as well make it no holds barred. That’s the easy way, but HHH could go with the hard way and be taken out in a body bag. Cue HHH, flanked by Chyna and a bunch of cops, to respond. HHH says no shot tonight so Austin tells him what the fans are shouting. The title is on the line tonight but Austin isn’t getting the shot. Instead it’s someone of HHH’s choice and Austin has shared the ring with him before. Austin promises to follow him all night long.

Of note: this is your standard opening but, counting the opening sequence, they’re done about nine minutes into the broadcast. You CAN do these things in less than the fifteen to twenty minutes they tend to receive, but they decide to go long with them anyway. And yet people still can’t get TV time.

We see clips of referees getting beaten up.

Tonight: Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow in a PEPPER ON A POLE MATCH! Make your own Russo jokes.

Here’s Shane McMahon to call out Mean Street Posse member Joey Abs. Shane isn’t happy with Joey interfering in Stephanie’s personal life so it’s time to demonstrate some brotherly love.

Shane McMahon vs. Joey Abs

Joey has the rest of the Posse and Terri (a pairing I don’t remember at all) with him. Shane wastes no time in slugging away but the Posse comes in because there are no referees due to the strike. Then who ordered the bell to be rung? Gerald Brisco runs out to referee and counts two off Shane’s rollup.

Joey’s suplex gets the same so Shane elbows him in the jaw, only to have Pete Gas pull Brisco out at two. Somehow Pete gets the better of it but heel miscommunication drops Rodney. Cue Pat Patterson to count two off a small package with Rodney making another save. Shane hits a corkscrew swanton (because of course he does) for the pin with Shawn Stasiak running in as the third referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling we’ve got a show long storyline here and since it’s about the referees, I have no idea why that’s supposed to be a good thing. WWE has a bad tendency to put focus on people who shouldn’t be getting said focus and that’s what’s going on here. Shane vs. the Posse is in the same boat but at least Shane has charisma.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate with the three referees and Shane as Test, Stephanie’s fiance, looks on. She also kicks Joey low for a bonus.

Internet celebrity Cindy Margolis is shown in the crowd and Women’s Champion Ivory isn’t happy.

Here’s Ivory to talk about all the people she gets to meet as champion. She introduces Margolis and asks for her to get in the ring, which Cindy declines. Ivory finally talks her into it and praises Cindy for being even more beautiful up close. She asks Cindy to do one of her poses but when Cindy says no, Ivory grabs her by the arm and makes her do it. Cue Jeff Jarrett to put Cindy in the Figure Four, sending her into….well it doesn’t seem to be pain. Fear maybe? Jarrett takes Ivory’s knee out too just for good measure. Just a celebrity cameo to advance Jarrett’s chauvinist run and there’s nothing wrong with that.

HHH won’t say who he’s challenging tonight but it won’t be Austin. This is kept short, mainly because it doesn’t change anything.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. Steve Blackman

Henry is defending after leaving Blackman in a tag match to go watch Godfather’s girls dance. Tony Garea of all people is refereeing as Blackman easily knocks Henry outside. Cue Val Venis with a kendo stick to take Blackman out, giving Henry the easy pin.

Henry’s ex-friend D’Lo Brown comes in and hits a REALLY impressive Sky High on Henry.

Jarrett yells at Cindy as she’s being taken away in an ambulance but Test comes in for a save.

Post break, Jeff challenges Test to an Intercontinental Title match.

Chris Jericho vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho is flanked by Curtis Hughes, his bodyguard of three days. I barely ever remember this very short run, mainly as Jericho hasn’t even been around for six weeks yet and Shamrock is almost gone from the promotion. Before the match, Jericho insists that Shamrock has declared him as the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Therefore, tonight Jericho is allowing Hughes to take his place. Before we get started though, Jericho brings out his own guest referee: the masked EL DOPO!

Curtis Hughes vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho jumps in on commentary and rips on Cole’s terrible commentary skills. Shamrock takes Hughes down to start and hammers away, only to be backdropped to the floor. Jericho gets up and the chase is on, allowing Hughes to clothesline Ken down. The double beatdown ensues but Shamrock picks the ankle for the ankle lock. Hughes grabs the rope and it’s an immediate DQ for not letting go of the hold.

Rating: D. This pairing feels so out of place, mainly because of two of the three people leaving the promotion so soon. Shamrock could have done well in the company around this time but he was just gone rather soon, not even wrestling at the upcoming pay per view. His last match would be the following week and it’s not like this one was anything worth seeing.

Mankind says he and Rock will be teaming together in this five man Royal Rumble. They’re like a finely tuned automobile: Rock is the front end and Mankind is the rear end, but the PEOPLE’S rear end!

The referees are still on strike.

Before the five man Royal Rumble, here’s Rock to tell his four opponents to go to a casino and play the people’s slot machine. Someone can pull the handle and get three Brahma Bulls. Maybe it’s Undertaker with his eyes rolling back while Kane uses his voice box to say WE WON WE WON LET’S PARTY and turn some cartwheels while Big Show makes odd noises. Then Rock will come in, shine up the gold coins and….well you know. I remember this from when I was a kid and thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.

Royal Rumble

The winner gets….to start against HHH in the Six Pack Challenge at Unforgiven. That’s not the greatest prize in the world but the writing isn’t the best in the world around here either. Rock is in at #1 and Big Show is in at #2 with one minute intervals. A bunch of right hands and an attempt to throw Rock out don’t get us very far until it’s Mankind in at #3. Big Show gets double teamed and Rock actually gives Mankind a thumbs up.

Kane is in at #4 as the Royal Rumble stipulation is looking ridiculous. More punching ensues and it’s Undertaker, in street clothes, in at #5 to complete the field. Undertaker actually sits in on commentary (!) as Rock DDT’s Kane. Rock saves Mankind from a chokeslam and the pair gets rid of Kane. That’s it for the alliance though as Rock dumps Mankind, only to walk into a chokeslam. Show gets too cocky and can’t get rid of Rock, drawing Undertaker in to eliminate both of them for the win.

Rating: F. What in the world was the point of that? It wasn’t even five minutes long and the timed entrances meant absolutely nothing. Terrible stuff here and another instance of adding a gimmick that didn’t need to be there. As lame as a five man battle royal would have been, it would have been better than this.

Post match Show glares at Undertaker but Mideon and Viscera come out to get between them. Rock tries to come in with a chair and gets beaten down. That would be Undertaker’s last “match” on TV for about eight months as he was out with a groin injury and tore his pectoral muscle during a return in December. Next up for him: Biker Taker.

The Hollies come out to challenge Chyna, who has been looking for a partner.

Hollies vs. Chyna

And there’s no partner so this is a handicap match, at least to start. Chyna punches Crash in the face to start and it’s quickly off to Hardcore. A double low blow brings the Hollies down as Dave Hebner makes an ultra rare cameo appearance and doesn’t mind the blatant cheating. Cue Billy Gunn to be Chyna’s partner (despite them having issues at this point) as the Hollies elbow her in the face. Hardcore spends too much time running his mouth though and gets caught with a DDT. Gunn tags himself in and slugs away, even if Chyna doesn’t seem happy with it. The Fameasser puts Hardcore away in short order.

Rating: D-. Another short and nothing match that was just there to get people on the show. Chyna was doing what she could here and certainly looked to belong out there with the men, though it still feels like a bit of a novelty. At least they didn’t waste much time on this one and that’s how it should be.

Post match Jarrett comes out and decks Chyna. Cue Jeff’s ladies Debra and Miss Kitty, the latter of whom has a bag. They pull out a frying pan, soup ladle and apron, all of which wind up on/in Chyna’s hands. Jeff tells her to go start making his supper. So he’s a soup lover?

Big Boss Man has, I kid you not, the remains of Al Snow’s cooked dog Pepper in a doggie bag. Let’s put it on a pole! Seriously that’s what we’re doing.

Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Sgt. Slaughter is referee. Boss Man shrugs off a clothesline and punches Snow down. Al’s crossbody is blocked and Boss Man gets in a nightstick shot to the ribs. Cue the British Bulldog with some rottweilers to corner Boss Man (Because the KENNEL FROM H*** IS COMING!). With nothing else to do, Boss Man grabs the bag and throws it to the floor, where Snow picks it up for the win. Total and complete waste of time. Like more so than the Rumble.

HHH and the cops walk as Austin watches.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Test

Timekeeper Mark Yeaton is referee. Jarrett is defending and Test charges to the ring to grab an early spinning sidewalk slam for two. A gutwrench powerbomb gets the same and here are Pete Gas, Rodney and Terri to ringside. Jeff’s middle rope clothesline cuts Test off and here’s Stephanie to say stop this. Shane comes out to beat up Rodney but here are Patterson, Brisco and Stasiak as the match is thrown out. This was less than two and a half minutes and had EIGHT PEOPLE RUN IN.

Test’s shoulder is sent into the steps so Jeff hits a flying armbar. Shane has to save Stephanie from a Figure Four as Jeff runs off.

Post break, Stephanie and Test leave.

Here’s HHH for the title defense but he wants Shane of all people to be guest referee. In the back, Vince and Linda (in a rare cameo) ask Shane if he’s up for this and of course Shane is ready. Shane comes to the ring and seems cool with HHH (So he’s a face but cool with the heels?), who talks about all the people NOT challenging him tonight. It won’t be Austin, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show, Mankind or Rock.

That doesn’t leave too many people who have been in a main event with Austin (Wasn’t it just sharing the ring earlier?), but HHH has an idea. He calls out Vince, who comes to the arena after HHH suggests that Linda might like a little time with the Game. So to recap: Shane is on HHH’s side but was hanging out with HHH’s top rival? Can we get rid of Russo already? I’m getting a headache. Anyway here’s Vince in a suit with a mic but he can’t talk HHH down. HHH questions the grapefruits but Vince still says no. Another suggestion of sex with Linda is enough to get Vince to jump HHH and we’re on.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Vince McMahon

HHH is defending and easily stomps Vince down to take over. Vince’s right hands are shrugged off and the boss is in even more trouble. Shane cheers Vince on as HHH stomps away and even tells Chyna to stay away. Vince goes to the eyes and hits HHH low (Which Shane cheers. So he’s not on HHH’s side but does what HHH asks and stands next to HHH and Chyna in peace?) but can’t follow up. They head outside with HHH using a cord for a choke, followed by an elbow to drive Vince through the announcers’ table.

Back in and HHH grabs a chair before shoving Shane down. A chair shot to Vince is enough to make Shane tackle the champ, earning himself a chair to the head. Cue Patterson, Brisco and Linda with the Stooges getting beaten down in short order. Chyna grabs Linda as HHH hammers on the bloody Vince. The Pedigree is loaded up and heeeere’s Austin (through the crowd to avoid the cops) for back to back Stunners to give Vince the title.

Rating: D. Egads where do I even begin? So not only is this basically Foley beating Rock for the title from ten months ago (even down to Austin being the one to run in and change the title) but AUSTIN WOULD NOT HELP VINCE GET THE TITLE! I don’t care who Vince is beating or what it gives Austin, he would NEVER do this and it’s very out of character for him. Austin isn’t going to just accept Vince as someone he’ll help just because Vince is now a face (you know, the guy revealed as the Higher Power THREE MONTHS AGO) and it’s very stupid to suggest otherwise.

Now for the interesting part: comparing this to Vince Russo winning the title about a year later. As is so often the case, of course it’s not the same thing and of course it’s more acceptable here. First of all, the WWF is riding high at this point and can afford to take some chances. Russo made himself champion when the company was dead in the water and living on borrowed time.

A risk like this is more acceptable when you’re on top of the mountain and not seemingly desperate to pop a rating. To go along with that, what good had Russo done for WCW? I’m guessing a lot less than McMahon had done for the WWF in that week alone. Russo was dragging the company down with him and decided to make himself champion pretty much for his own ego. What a boss.

Second, and more importantly, this advances several stories, including but not limited to Austin vs. HHH, Vince vs. HHH, Shane’s issues (whatever they are at the moment) and adds some drama to Unforgiven. Russo winning the title advanced Vince Russo, who had done it several times before. Sure McMahon looks good here, but he was also a big time character in the WWF and had been for a very long time. Speaking of looking good, consider their physiques. McMahon has been on the covers of fitness magazines while I’ve seen ten year olds with more muscle than Russo.

These are somewhat comparable angles, but one was well done and benefited several people. The other was an ego trip which served a bad writer who wanted to be a wrestler but wasn’t talented enough. Russo can try to say it’s the same thing all he wants, but then again he’s the kind of guy who still thinks he was some kind of a brilliant writer and….well just look at this show.

Vince is carried to his feet to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, this is much better than a lot of what Russo does. Be it the rapid fire short matches which don’t have time to offer much of an impact or me trying to figure out which end is up on the face/heel alignments or the show revolving around a storyline about referees, I’m not sure what on here is supposed to be good. The ending is a big surprise but the rest of the show is such a mess and the wrestling is such a runaway train that there’s not much positive about the whole thing.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested (bear in mind that this is old and really not very good):

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/19/unforgiven-1999-cracking-open-a-six-pack/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Unforgiven 2003
Date: September 21, 2003
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 10,347
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s another Raw exclusive pay per view, based around the idea of finding the least interesting story possible. Is it Shane McMahon and his electric testicles vs. Kane or a barely mobile HHH managing to drag out his second World Title defense against Goldberg? You know, that guy known for his long matches. There’s also the option of the battling announcers, which is always a big winner. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how no one is good or evil anymore. This comes after months of JR and King talking about how Kane is the embodiment of evil. We might be in for a very long night. This turns into a HHH vs. Goldberg video with HHH talking about all the nobodies that Goldberg beat. One of those nobodies was Kevin Nash, which is a major win that HHH constantly brags about. We’re ninety seconds in and the opening video has already contradicted the show twice.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. Dudley Boyz

La Resistance is defending and this is a handicap tables match where every member has to go through to win. The title and handicap stipulations were both added on Heat, because why would we need to know important stuff like that? For some reason Lilian introduces the team as Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley instead of the collective name. As usual, tags are required in a tables match so it’s D-Von and Dupree slugging it out to start.

D-Von is taken into the corner where Conway stomps away, only to get taken down for a legdrop. Bubba comes in and ties Conway in the Tree of Woe for some hard chops to the chest. The announcers’ reaction: a discussion on the French loving Jerry Lewis. The double flapjack puts Conway on the floor but it’s too early for tables. Must be the pay per view time scale.

Conway gets in a cheap shot from the apron and the champs start taking over again. The USA chants begin as Conway grabs a sleeper to calm them right back down. Thankfully Bubba breaks things up with a belly to back suplex, allowing the tag off to D-Von. The reverse 3D plants Conway and NOW it’s table time. The champs are smart enough to let the table be set before jumping the Dudleys though and it’s D-Von being thrown through first.

Bubba reverses a suplex and puts Grenier through but gets jumped by Conway. D-Von is back up and the Dudleys throw Conway over the top through a table with his head smacking an edge ala Spike. That’s really not a spot you need to recreate. Dupree has the French flag broken over his head and the 3D gives the Dudleys the titles back.

Rating: C-. This was the logical way to go and hopefully the end of a really boring feud. It’s a good choice for an opener as well with the fans loving the table stuff and the good old Americans getting the titles back from the EVIL Frenchmen. Not the most interesting story in the world but the right way to end the feud.

We get a music video dedicated to Scott Steiner vs. Test. This story has gone on for the better part of ever with Stacy Keibler being traded back and forth between them several times. Basically Test wants Stacy to make him money and Steiner wants, well, Stacy. Tonight it’s another match to determine who gets Stacy’s “services”. Why this story has gone on since the spring isn’t clear but hopefully it ends here. I mean, it won’t, but it would be nice.

Test vs. Scott Steiner

If Test can beat Steiner, he gets Scott’s services as well. Stacy gets her own entrance, which certainly makes her seem free in the first place. I love that a good chunk of Test’s Titantron video is Stacy looking disgusted at him. I’m assuming he approved of the content and that’s the best he could get? Stacy gives Steiner a hug to start and Test gets in a few cheap shots to take over.

The clothesline and the pushup elbow send Test outside, where Stacy slaps him for good measure. Back in and Test grabs a full nelson slam for two, followed by some pushups of his own. We hit the sleeper on Steiner until he suplexes a diving Test for a breather. Steiner almost drops him on a tiger bomb attempt but a low blow cuts Scott off. Stacy shoves the boots off the ropes and snaps Test’s throat across the top for a close two.

With that not working, Stacy pops up on the apron and hikes up the skirt to distract Test. I mean, it might be more effective if she wasn’t showing it to the crowd but close enough. It doesn’t work anyway as Test kicks out of a rollup and boots Steiner in the face for two more. With that not working, Test pulls off a turnbuckle pad so he can grab a chair but Stacy takes it away. She hits Steiner by mistake though (well duh), setting up the big boot to give Test the pin.

Rating: D-. Really, what is the fascination with this story? The matches have been terrible and the story is just dumb but the thing is still going. I get that they probably have a lot of money tied up in Steiner but my goodness, is Test really their best option here? Bad match, worse ending, and unfortunately it looks like we’re STILL not done.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels. Orton is the legend killer and Shawn is a legend. You can piece the rest together for yourself.

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn wrestles him to the mat to start and slaps Orton’s head a bit. Some strutting and a WOO annoy Flair and we hit the headlock takeover/headscissor escape sequence. We hear about the various horrible things Orton has done to various legends and confirm that Moolah is NOT dead.

Shawn throws him over the top but Orton skins the cat to steal a trademark and scores with a dropkick for two. A clothesline gets Shawn out of trouble and it’s a Cactus Clothesline with Shawn skinning the cat back as well. Shawn hits a high crossbody to the floor as the pace stays fast enough to start. Back in and Shawn charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Orton to hammer away in the corner.

A hard charge sends Shawn shoulder first into the post and NOW we’ll get to the meat of the match, starting with Flair posting the bad arm. Another Flair distraction lets Orton post the shoulder again and the beating is on. Back in and Orton cranks on the arm as JR talks about Shawn’s matches against Vader. I’ll try to figure out the connection as Shawn fights up to his feet.

Orton puts his feet on Shawn’s face and pulls on the arm to keep him in trouble. A small package (with some horribly loud spot calling) gives Shawn two and the forearm into the nipup starts the comeback. Shawn sends him over the top though, followed by a whip into the barricade. Flair’s distraction fails and Shawn hits a top rope ax handle for two. Sweet Chin Music is countered into the RKO but the delayed cover is only good for two.

Orton’s high crossbody takes too long and only hits mat, meaning Flair (who is DRENCHED in sweat) has to fail at interfering again. Shawn drops the top rope elbow for two and now Sweet Chin Music connects, only to have Flair put the foot on the ropes. The referee waves off the pin and in the distraction, Flair slips Orton some brass knuckles. A knockout punch later and Orton gets the upset pin.

Rating: B-. It’s probably too early for Orton to get the clean win so this was the best option that they had. I’m not seeing the need for the false pin but Orton hung in there long enough to make himself look better. The arm and shoulder stuff stopped mattering about halfway through but to be fair, Shawn’s offense isn’t heavily arm based in the first place. Good match with the right result though.

Chris Jericho recruits La Resistance in his crusade against Steve Austin.

Gail Kim/Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

Gail and Molly are jealous of Trish so they’ve beaten her up several times due to a variety of bad partners. Lita returned on Raw after over a year on the shelf and here we are. King during Trish’s entrance: “Her, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?” Several, starting with can we please get passed this nonsense already?

The villains jump them to start but Trish and Lita fight them off and hit stereo baseball slides. Lita armdrags Gail as we settle down, followed by a suplex into a nip up. Trish’s top rope Thesz press lets her hammer away and Molly won’t tag out. Gail sends Trish outside though and Trish comes up holding her back.

Molly cranks on a modified dragon sleeper before Gail grabs one of her own. Something like a Sliced Bread #2 gets Trish out of the hold but Molly breaks up a hot tag attempt by pulling Lita off the apron. I love that spot. With the referee keeping Lita out, a camel clutch/Boston crab combination works over Trish’s back even more.

Lita has a busted lip so Lawler wants to go check on her, citing his oral surgery skills. My goodness he wouldn’t last five minutes today with stuff like this. Gail misses a middle rope legdrop and now it’s off to Lita to speed things up. A dropkick and monkey flip have Gail and Molly in trouble and there’s the first hurricanrana. Gail gets powerbombed and Trish hurricanranas Molly, setting up Lita’s moonsault for the pin.

Rating: C+. Good match here and a nice way to get Lita back into the swing of things. They stuck to the tag formula here and, as a result, the match was one of the better women’s matches in a long time. Just let them go out there and do the stuff they can do well, as I’m not sure these four are capable of putting together something much more complicated than this just yet. They did this well though and hopefully that’s a sign of things to come.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane lost his mask and Steve Austin asked if the fire still burned. Kane went on a rampage and attacked various people, including Shane’s mother Linda. Since he’s a McMahon, the story became almost entirely about Shane, who is now able to hang in a fight with Kane when almost no one else can. Tonight it’s Last Man Standing so Shane can do more of his stunt show offense.

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Shane chairs him in the back during the entrances and a jumping chair shot to the head puts Kane down for four. Another shot to the head gets six so Shane starts in on the knee. Some chair shots to said knee and a wrap around the post keep Kane down. Shane sends him head first into the steps and now it’s time for the jabs. Thankfully Kane throws him over the barricade rather than selling those lame punches.

Shane gets slammed off the barricade and smashed in the face with the steps as JR is already begging Shane to stay down. Back in and the chokeslam puts Shane down but he uses the referee to pull himself back up at seven. The referee gets kicked in the face, which shouldn’t make any difference in this match.

Kane loads up a Tombstone but changes his mind, instead opting for the steps again. The Tombstone onto the steps is reversed and Shane bulldogs Kane’s hands onto them instead. Another steps shot to the head sets up a very, very slow Van Terminator as the referee is STILL down. After a lot of laying around, Kane kicks the steps into Shane’s face and they stumble into the aisle. Shane wins a slugout but gets sent into the metal set for a seven. That works so well that Kane does it a few more times before stomping Shane down.

Rating: D. This was as exciting as laying around between step shots to the head was going to be. Shane looks like more of a monster than Kane, who comes off as someone who had to get lucky to beat a non-wrestler in nearly twenty minutes. Sure Shane’s dive looked cool, but we really wasted that much pay per view time to set it up? And all those weeks of Kane being evil and insane for this? As has been the case for weeks now, the focus is all over the place and completely misguided.

Shane gets taken out on the stretcher and gets a standing ovation.

Jericho blames Austin for what just happened. Austin tells him to take his best shot but Jericho says there’s more than one way to make him crack.

JR and King talk about how amazing that elbow was. As was the case at the end of the match: Kane is just a detail.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Christian

Christian is defending. Van Dam gets double teamed to start so he flips over their backs and hits a double dropkick. Both Canadians are sent to the floor and Rob moonsaults onto them. Back in and Rob monkey flips the champ for two, followed by the cartwheel moonsault onto Jericho.

Rolling Thunder is broken up and Christian mocks Van Dam’s pose. The Canadians double team some more with Christian holding Rob for Jericho’s right hands. Jericho misses a charge and gets kicked in the chest, along with another kick to Christian. Rob takes a bit too long on the champ though and gets enziguried down. A double DDT really gets Rob out of trouble though and there’s a flip dive to the floor to take Christian out again.

Back in and Jericho chokes Rob as JR sounds incredibly bored. We hit the chinlock so the announcers can talk about Shane being taken to a medical facility for fear of grave injury. The Walls of Jericho go on Rob with Jericho screaming about Austin as he cranks on the hold. Christian FINALLY runs in for the save and it’s time for Canadian brawling. They head outside with Christian being sent knees first into the steps, followed by a top rope back elbow to the jaw for two.

With Rob being shoved off the top, Jericho superplexes Christian for a double knockdown. Rob comes back in for a high crossbody on Jericho and Christian dives onto Jericho by mistake. Christian is put on top of his fellow villain for a Five Star to both in a good looking crash. They all head to the corner for the Tower of Doom and a BIG reaction as everyone is down again. Jericho gets sent outside again so Christian grabs the belt but gets kicked down. That’s not a problem though as he uses it to block the Five Star and retain.

Rating: C-. This was WAY longer than it needed to be and it felt like an extended version of most triple threat matches. There wasn’t much of a story to the match and while there were some nice near falls, it felt like something that could have been on any given episode of Raw. Then again, most of this pay per view would fit that same description so it’s not the biggest issue.

HHH compares Goldberg to a knight who slayed everyone in fantasy land but then came to the real world and got beaten up. He believes in himself and not in Goldberg. Somehow, this takes two minutes.

We recap the battle of the announcers. Coach turned heel because people didn’t respect him for filling in for JR, so of course we’re having a tag match for the Raw announcing job. As a fan, I have no idea why any of this would interest me, as it’s somehow built around the idea of Coach and Al Snow teaming on pay per view. Did anyone even know they were the Heat commentators?

Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman vs. Jerry Lawler/Jim Ross

So there’s no commentary for this one, which might be a perk in a less dumb match. Lawler tries for some quick falls on Snow, including a shoulder block for two. For some reason Snow decides to turn it into a slugout and you know Lawler is just fine with that. Snow kicks him down and grabs an Oklahoma roll (I’m not sure if I should give them a point for that one or not) for two.

We hit a seated abdominal stretch and the boring chants begin. How dare this crowd not want to see Snow vs. Lawler on pay per view? JR shouts at Snow for being stupid and not following up on a backdrop so Snow tries it again, only to be reversed into a piledriver for two. Coach tags himself in and Snow panics, realizing he now has to watch this too. The offense lasts all of a few seconds before Coach misses a charge in the corner.

Lawler beats him up for a few moments as the fans want JR. Snow makes a save after the fist drop and it’s off to JR, despite the referee looking completely the other way. JR knocks them both down and really awkwardly mounts Coach (“NOT IN THE FACE!”) until Jericho runs back in and breaks it up with a dropkick. Coach gets the cheap pin.

Rating: F. And that’s about all you could have expected from this. It’s not like anyone buys that JR and King are going to be off commentary for more than a few weeks anyway so this isn’t exactly thrilling stuff. Boring match of course but at least it was mainly done by a pair of wrestlers instead of Coach and JR.

Jericho says he can crack Austin a different way.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. Goldberg dominated the Elimination Chamber at Summerslam but HHH used a sledgehammer to retain, meaning we needed to stretch this out for another month before HHH dropped the title. There’s not much of a secret to how this ends, but that didn’t stop WWE for dragging it out.

JR and King do their big sad farewell….which will kick in tomorrow night as they’re still doing the main event. JR: “It ain’t about old JR and it ain’t about the King.” Really? Because we just sat through you guys having a featured pay per view match so it certainly seemed like part of the show was in fact about you.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

HHH, alone here, is defending and loses the title if he’s disqualified or counted out. If Goldberg loses, he’s gone from WWE. Like I said, it’s not exactly a secret. They do the big lockup with HHH punching him into the corner but getting gorilla pressed for his efforts. An exchange of wristlocks (in a Goldberg match) goes nowhere so Goldberg goes with his swinging neckbreaker instead.

HHH throws him outside but gets caught with a quick clothesline. The spear is cut off with a knee though and Goldberg is sent to the floor again, this time for a posting. As HHH beats on Goldberg, JR manages to get two statements wrong in one line as he talks about HHH defeating names like Rock, Austin and Angle for this title. Just like last month at Summerslam, this is a different title lineage and this time, HHH never beat Austin or Angle for a World Title. Come on I know you just jobbed to the coach and lost your dream position but get your facts straight.

Goldberg’s leg is wrapped around the post and it’s off to the Figure Four. That’s turned over and Goldberg kicks him in the chest, followed by a powerslam for two. They head outside with HHH going into the steps to draw some blood. The referee gets bumped and we’re probably just waiting for Evolution here. Goldberg is getting a little too much offense though so HHH cuts him off with a DDT. The Pedigree is countered with a backdrop to the floor but HHH comes back with the sledgehammer to the face. The spear hits twenty two seconds later and the Jackhammer gives Goldberg the title.

Rating: D. So Goldberg doesn’t even get to kick out of the Pedigree? I’m glad they didn’t go with a bunch of false finishes as it’s not like the ending was in doubt, but this was a match where Goldberg should have won in much shorter order. It didn’t need to be a spear and Jackhammer for the win in thirty seconds, but this should have been closer to eight minutes rather than fifteen. Let HHH hit him with his best, Goldberg comes up growling, and the Jackhammer ends it. But no, because HHH likes his matches to feel epic, since even when he’s injured and putting someone over, he has to get his stuff in.

Overall Rating: D-. This was the worst kind of show you can have: it felt lifeless. Nothing on this card felt important or big or came off like it had any energy to it. The women’s match was pretty good and Orton vs. Shawn did its job (mostly) but the top matches are all so dull and uninteresting that they sucked the life out of this show. The TV leading up to this was a black hole of charisma and this was the pay per view version of that. Really lame show here, but due to being dull and lifeless instead of bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Armageddon 1999
Date: December 12, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Attendance: 17,054
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’ve done this show before but it was so long ago and the review isn’t up to my standards so here’s a fresh version. The main event here is HHH vs. Vince McMahon after HHH married the drugged Stephanie McMahon earlier in the year. This is also one of the first pay per views after Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara left, meaning things could be in a bit of a shift. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at nothing but HHH vs. Vince. Even the World Title match isn’t mentioned.

Battle Royal

Dudley Boyz, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Acolytes, Edge and Christian, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool, Hardy Boyz

When one member of a team is out, their partner goes with them. The winners get the Tag Team Title shot at the Rumble. Before the match, the recently debuted Dudleys talk about injuring Edge and Christian on Smackdown. It’s still weird hearing Bubba with the southern stutter. Edge and Christian do their entrance through the crowd and the fight is on before the other teams come out.

The other teams start coming out, with JR saying the Headbangers survived Thrasher’s knee injury and a horrible gimmick for Mosh (Beaver Cleavage. Don’t ask.). The pops for Too Cool and Godfather are just ridiculous. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Edge and Mosh falling through the ropes and out to the floor. Rodney of the Posse is eliminated but Joey Abs runs in to take his place (ignore one of them being blond and the other having black hair).

Abs is tossed so Rodney replaces him, only to have Pete Gas (the third Posse member) get eliminated. That’s finally enough to get rid of the Posse as Jeff comes off the top to hit Faarooq. Mosh is eliminated to get rid of the Headbangers and the Acolytes dump Henry as the field is thinning in a hurry. D-Von saves Bubba and it’s Scotty pulling Christian to the apron. Grandmaster charges at Christian and gets dumped, leaving Edge to knock Scotty off at the same time.

We’re down to Edge and Christian, the Hardys, the Dudleys and the Acolytes, which certainly isn’t a bad grouping to have. D-Von sneaks to the floor and pulls Edge out to get us down to three in a quick elimination. Bubba hits Jeff with a fisherman’s suplex of all things, followed by a DDT to Bradshaw. There’s the middle rope What’s Up (means nothing here) and a reverse 3D on Jeff, only to have Matt toss D-Von in a bit of an upset.

Matt and Bradshaw fall out at the same time but since there’s only one referee (what a dumb company), they’re both back in and we keep going. Jeff dumps Faarooq but the referee is with Matt for some reason, meaning we keep going again. Bradshaw gets sent to the apron but a top rope dropkick can’t even put him out. Faarooq plants Jeff with a spinebuster though and one heck of a backdrop gives the Acolytes the win.

Rating: D. The annoying stuff with people being eliminated multiple times and coming back in got old fast but the Acolytes winning is acceptable. The younger teams would have made more sense, but the Dudleys weren’t ready yet and this match suited the Acolytes more than anyone else. That being said, not the best idea to open the show.

Kurt Angle is still undefeated and that tag loss on Smackdown was ENTIRELY Steve Blackman’s fault. The people in South Florida will appreciate his gold medal. This was smug Angle at its finest and that’s a great thing.

Steve Blackman vs. Kurt Angle

Angle only debuted last month and gets cut off by Blackman’s entrance. That’s quite rude and deserves a lesson in the 3 I’s. Blackman hammers away to start but misses a middle rope splash. Angle hits a dropkick as you can tell he hasn’t gotten his normal style set so far. The moonsault, of course, misses and Blackman grabs a Muta Lock, which is so strange to see in this time period.

Back up and Angle grabs a DDT, earning himself a boring chant. Blackman sends him into the steps but gets suplexed back inside. Angle gets too annoyed at the ANGLE SUCKS chants and walks into a drop toehold into the middle buckle. Blackman’s Vader Bomb hits boots though and Angle finishes with a bridging German suplex.

Rating: D+. Angle was still finding his rhythm at this point (oh it would be there soon) but that talking of his was more than enough proof that they had something incredibly special. Blackman was fine for a quick opponent here, though there’s only so much of a future in fighting him. The boring chants were somewhat warranted here, but Angle would figure it out.

Blackman beats him down with the nunchucks. It’s such a bad beating that they start playing the wrong music.

On Heat, Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young shoved Women’s Champion Ivory into a pool, which is where the title match is going to take place.

Earlier today, Cole tried to talk to BB (a model there for nothing more than her surgically enhanced figure) and can’t remember the name of the show or where it is. She’s just in an evening gown so this is quite over the top.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Jacqueline vs. Miss Kitty vs. BB

Ivory is defending and this is an Evening Gown match in a pool with Moolah and Mae as guest referees. The challengers all wind up in the pool to start fighting (meaning walking around splashing each other) so Ivory throws shoes. Ivory gets pulled into the water and Jacqueline falls out of her top in short order. She gets gang attacked for an early elimination, followed by Ivory and Kitty trying to drown BB. They settle for stripping her but Ivory can’t get her bra unhooked. The distraction lets Kitty pull Ivory into the pool and unzip her for the title.

Post match Kitty strips, including taking her top off for uncensored nudity (censored on the Network of course) in a company first. I mean, also a company last but it worked at the time.

Earlier today, Rikishi (a newcomer) and Viscera attacked the Hollys during their weigh-in. Rikishi is tired of the Hollys trying to make a name off the big men and tonight, he’s going to crush them. Viscera better be a good partner.

Hollys vs. Rikishi Phatu/Viscera

This is part of the Hollys’ underrated super heavyweight gimmick. Rikishi wastes no time by sitting on Crash’s chest for two but Hardcore breaks up the Banzai Drop. Hardcore gets sent into the corner as the big men take turns on him, albeit with a hard slap to the chest serving as a tag. A Samoan drop crushes Hardcore and a spinning belly to belly does the same to Hardcore.

Viscera misses a charge in the corner though and Hardcore gets two off a missile dropkick. For some reason Crash tries another sunset flip, this time getting crushed by a spinning legdrop. Rikishi comes back in for a one man 3D, followed by a no sell off a DDT. The Rikishi Driver (that still looks awesome) knocks Crash silly but Viscera spinwheel kicks Rikishi by mistake. That’s enough to give Hardcore the pin, even with Viscera watching the pin and doing nothing for a save.

Rating: D. This could have been on any given episode of TV and that’s not a good sign. I’m really not sure why this warranted a pay per view spot when it didn’t even break five minutes and was nothing more than a big team against some comedy goofs. I can live with the slip on a banana peel ending but it was far from anything worth seeing.

Val Venis wants to win the European Title to score with European women. He throws in some Spanish to hit on Lilian Garcia because Val has good taste, even though Lilian got better looking over time.

European Title: Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown vs. British Bulldog

The Bulldog is defending (with the Mean Street Posse in a VERY short lived alliance) and if there’s a story here, it’s not important enough to explain. Referee Teddy Long wants to holla at the Posse playa and that’s a group ejection. The champ gets double teamed in the corner to start before Val clotheslines him out to the floor. Brown hits a huge dive over the top to take both of them down, only to get powerslammed for two back inside.

Venis is sent into the steps though, allowing the announcers to make jokes about his size. Back in and Val gets double teamed in the corner, with the alliance lasting all of ten seconds before Brown stomps Bulldog down. Venis’ suplex puts D’Lo down but he goes after Bulldog for no logical reason. A double clothesline puts Bulldog down and a bad looking double hiptoss looks like it breaks Bulldog’s shoulder.

Val adds a splash but Brown elbows him to cut things off as the backstabbing continues. Bulldog heads outside AGAIN as Brown gets crotched on top. Brown is fine enough to grab a sunset bomb for two with Bulldog pulling the referee out at two. Back in and Val spinebusters Bulldog for two, only to have him pop back up with the powerslam. Brown puts the foot on the ropes as this just KEEPS GOING. This time it’s D’Lo beating on the champ, including another spinebuster. The Low Down connects but Val comes in with the Money Shot for the save and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet goodness what a terrible match. This was like one of those triple threat matches that you were put in while playing Wrestlemania 2000 or No Mercy and it just wouldn’t end no matter how much you were beating them. There was no chemistry or story here and while Val makes for a more interesting champion, the match felt like it went on for an hour instead of just over eight minutes.

X-Pac has had the rules of his cage match with Kane changed. Kane can only win via pinfall, but X-Pac can win by pinfall or escape. Oh and tell Tori to stop calling him all night because she’s not getting anything.

Kane vs. X-Pac

In a cage with Kane needing a pin and X-Pac needing a pin or escape. Kane has both the inverted attire (mostly black with red and top) and Tori here. I’ll let you figure out which is a better look. The pyro is on top of the cage for another cool visual. For some reason X-Pac goes after Tori, drawing Kane over the cage to start the beating in a hurry.

A bell shot to the head cuts Kane off though and it’s X-Pac running into the cage, which doesn’t seem to be the best idea in the world. They get inside with Lawler making more jokes, sending JR over the edge in the process.  X-Pac’s shots to the face have no effect so it’s a gorilla press to take him down in short order.

Kane gets sent into the cage though and a spinwheel kick gives X-Pac a breather. The super chokeslam is countered with a crotching, followed by a guillotine legdrop for two. X-Pac goes up again and for some reason dives at Kane, even after he’s sat up. That earns him a few whips into the cage but here are the New Age Outlaws with bolt cutters. Gunn slams the door on Kane’s head and a chair is thrown inside.

The X-Factor onto the chair gets two and it’s time for some handcuffs. Kane gets cuffed to the ropes and a chair to the head takes him down again. Tori comes in and pulls X-Pac off the ropes, only to get caught with the X-Factor. That’s enough for Kane to chair X-Pac down, followed by breaking the cuffs. Kane slips out of the cage and catches X-Pac on the way to the floor before tossing him back inside. A clothesline from the top of the cage (looked better than it sounds) and the Tombstone end X-Pac.

Rating: B. This was pretty good stuff with X-Pac throwing everything he had at Kane and not being able to get anywhere with it. That makes Kane look like a monster but of course the feud isn’t over yet because that’s not how things work around here. At least they got this right though and gave us a good match in the process.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Chyna, which is set up by both of their Titantron videos. Chyna beat him to retain the Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series but Jericho went all chauvinistic and got a rematch.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and Chyna has Miss Kitty (now with more clothes) in her corner. Chyna jumps him to start and avoids a charge in the corner, sending Jericho crashing out to the floor. That means a running clothesline off the apron but Jericho drops her face first across the barricade. Lawler seems to pull Chyna out of the way of a chair shot so Chyna can dropkick the chair into Jericho’s face. They’re certainly not wasting time here.

Jericho sends Chyna into the steps as JR is getting really annoying with this “HE’S HITTING A WOMAN” stuff. What about her beating him up? Back inside and Jericho dives into a low blow, only to get Chyna tied into the ropes. That allows Jericho to go after Chyna’s bad thumb, which wasn’t important enough to mention until now. A vertical suplex sets up the posing cover for two and it’s time to take off a turnbuckle pad.

Chyna is right back with a crossbody for two of her own, only to get caught in the bulldog. The pelvic thrusts before the Lionsault allow Chyna to get her knees up though as the crowd gets quiet in a hurry. Back up and Chyna counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb, followed by a catapult into the exposed buckle.

The Pedigree is countered into a backslide for two and it’s time to go up. Jericho tries a belly to back suplex and connects….which I guess was supposed to be reversed into a crossbody but wound up being Chyna kind of landing on him. Back up and Chyna tries a sunset flip but gets reversed into the Walls to give Jericho his first Intercontinental Title.

Rating: C+. The more I watch Chyna wrestle, the less impressed I am with her. She’s good enough to have matches with most of them men but it’s something that loses its novelty in a hurry. The ending was the right call here and the match was good, though Chyna’s time wrestling men was starting to wind down.

Jericho brags about his win and declares himself sassy. Chyna comes in and congratulates him. She shakes his hand and Jericho isn’t sure what to do.

Tag Team Titles: Rock N Sock Connection vs. New Age Outlaws

Rock and Mankind are challenging with Mankind in his weird blue shirt period. Given that the titles changed hands fifteen (yes FIFTEEN) times in 1999, there could be any number of reasons for these teams to be fighting. In this case, the Rock N Sock Connection reformed a few weeks back and won a #1 contenders match. Oh yeah Russo must be gone because that’s coherent. Jerry suggests that the Rock is responsible for the pop (his word) the team gets and….well yeah.

Dogg tries a few cheap shots to start but gets punched in the jaw for his efforts. Mankind grabs a headlock and now the chants are for Rock and Sock. A legdrop gets two on Dogg and we hit the chinlock. The announcers recap the issues between Mankind and Al Snow, because that was a top story around this time. It’s off to Gunn for two off a faceplant so Mankind points to Rock…..who comes in to a ROAR.

We hit the staredown so Gunn can take his shirt off, which of course allows Rock to punch the heck out of him. Even King thinks that was a bad idea. It’s quickly back to Mankind vs. Dogg with the Shake Rattle and Roll being countered into the Mandible Claw. Everything breaks down and it’s Rock and Gunn heading into the crowd. Rock catches a charge to send Gunn back over the barricade, followed by some elbows to the ribs back inside.

Gunn runs him over though and the slow beating begins. Right hands and some lame stomps have Rock in trouble but the exploding clothesline out of the corner (Cena does it better) takes Dogg down. There’s no tag though as Dogg comes back with a big boot of all things to cut him down again. Since when has Dogg used a big boot? That’s not exactly a move I was expecting in this one and it really didn’t work. Gunn grabs a sleeper for two arm drops but Rock is right back up with the floatover DDT. The hot tag brings in Mankind (to near silence) and the Outlaws are sent into each other.

Naturally we get the ref bump as everything breaks down. The Mandible Claw goes on the Dogg so here’s Snow to hit Mankind with Head. Rock makes the save and beats Snow up, leaving Gunn to hit Mankind with the bell….for two. Now THAT got a reaction as I would have bet on it being the finish. Gunn’s piledriver gets two more as Rock is back on the apron. Mankind sends them into each other again and the real hot tag brings in Rock. That means a spinebuster and the Rock Bottom but Snow comes back in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The ending wasn’t great but it was nice to see a match get this much time, especially when you would expect the Outlaws to be kept short. I’m also glad to see the champs keep the titles away from another thrown together pair of stars. Finally, after all those title changes, it’s a nice change of pace to have the titles stay in one place for a change.

Post match Dogg and Snow take Rock Bottoms with Snow also getting a People’s Elbow.

We recap the World Title match. Big Show won the title in a major surprise at Survivor Series. A few days earlier though, his father had passed away. #1 contender Big Boss Man (it was a weird time) didn’t care, and decided to torment Show before their title match. This included a heartfelt poem:

With deepest regret

And tears that are soaked

I’m sorry to hear

Your dad finally croaked.

He lived a full life

On his own terms

Soon he’ll be buried

And eaten by worms

If I could have a son

As stupid as you

I’d wish for cancer

So I’d die too

Then Boss Man attached the casket to a car (looking like the Bluesmobile) and drove away with Big Show holding on in one of the funniest visuals the company had done in a long time. Oh and as a bonus: Boss Man got Show’s mom to admit that he was an illegitimate child. Boss Man: “Hey Big Show. You’re a big nasty b****** and your mama said so!”

WWF World Title: Big Boss Man vs. Big Show

Boss Man is challenging, has Prince Albert in his corner, and isn’t defending his Hardcore Title. Before the match, Boss Man asks who Show’s daddy is, because it could be anyone. Geez just have him get squashed already and save us the time. Show charges into the ring and beats on Boss Man like he stole something, including throwing him across the ring by the jacket.

They head outside where Albert’s cheap shots earn him a chokeslam through the Spanish announcers’ table. Boss Man gets in a cheap shot with the steps to slow Big Show down and posts him for good measure. Unfortunately Boss Man has to hoist him back inside….where Show nips up. A big boot and the chokeslam retain the title in just over three minutes.

Rating: D. Boss Man almost got in too much offense here, if you can believe that. This was mostly Big Show dominance, which is the only reason to bring in someone like Boss Man for this match. Given the story and the circumstances, this was the only way the match should have gone, even if it was pretty much nothing.

We recap HHH vs. Vince McMahon. Vince cost HHH the World Title at Survivor Series so DX beat the heck out of Test (the man Stephanie actually loved), Shane and Stephanie. Vince destroyed DX’s limo and tossed HHH off the stage, which HHH said was taking it too far. Then HHH did the whole “kidnap and marry Vince’s daughter” routine, promising to annul the marriage if Vince can beat him tonight. Tonight Vince is fighting for his family, which totally won’t turn on him.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Anything goes and Stephanie is in the front row. Oh yeah they’re not hiding anything here. It’s so strange to see Stephanie looking young, though the leather jacket is still there. HHH has a sledgehammer and a bottle of water. Well they were both available weapons in No Mercy. Speaking of young, HHH is 28 here, which is almost hard to believe was ever reality. He seems like he was born in his early thirties and went from there.

Vince throws powder near HHH’s eyes to start and hammers in the corner. For some reason I’m craving potatoes, with JR making a similar reference. The first low blow sends HHH outside and over the announcers’ table, followed by a whip into the steps. They head into the crowd, which is exactly the kind of thing they should be doing here. HHH whips him into a metal door and it’s time to come back to ringside so HHH can slug him down some more.

Vince takes over with a few shots of his own and here’s Mankind with a shopping cart full of weapons. A trashcan lid shot to HHH’s head….somehow knocks Vince down and HHH washes the powder out of his eyes. Some more trashcan lid shots put HHH down this time and a can shot puts HHH right in front of Stephanie. HHH sends him head first into the steps though and a low blow keeps Vince down again. They head up the aisle this time, almost like they’re trying to figure out what to do now.

HHH kicks him low again and goes back to get a trashcan, which he uses to threaten the fans. Today, that would likely get him fired. Somehow Vince comes back and puts the can over HHH’s head for some hard right hands. Vince swings a wrench and goes down again, making me think that this swinging things isn’t his strong suit. Back to the set with HHH swinging a machine gun around to smack Vince in the head. That’s not something I had expected to write down today but ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION!

It’s time for more punching and stumbling around as this just keeps going. Vince gets thrown into another door, which opens as a result. JR says it’s because the force knocked it open. King: “Naw, someone’s raising it.” Point to Lawler. HHH throws him onto the hood of a truck but then disappears. Eventually Vince gets up and goes outside where we play hunt the Game for a bit. HHH tries to run Vince down but the boss hops up onto a fence for a save.

More walking around ensues until HHH sends him head first into the grill of a semi truck. A slam and an elbow drop onto the top of a limo are enough to take it back inside, where Vince goes face first into a snack machine. They’re back in the arena now and climb up part of the set as we’re getting ready for the big bump. It’s Vince being knocked into a bunker (helpfully lined with a crash pad and thankfully off camera). JR calls this thirty feet in the air, which would make HHH somewhere around 11’2.

Vince is busted open and HHH hits him in the face with a gas can. With Vince down, HHH asks Stephanie how it feels to watch daddy take a beating like this. He’ll be her daddy now but has to stop for a mic shot to Vince’s head. HHH holds Vince in front of Stephanie, meaning it’s ACTING time.

Back in and HHH throws the referee down (Why?) before grabbing the sledgehammer. Of course it’s a low blow to cut HHH down and a wrench shot puts HHH (but not Vince this time) down. Vince grabs the hammer but Stephanie jumps the barricade because she wants to do it. She takes too long though and two hammer shots knock Vince cold for the pin.

Rating: B-. The timing REALLY hurts this (just shy of thirty minutes) but for what it is, they told a solid story. Vince refusing to stay down made sense as he was a man fighting for his family (one that he was allowing to be sacrificed in a demonic wedding just six months ago but a family nonetheless) but in the end, he’s Vince McMahon and the other guy is HHH. This was the right ending, but it really could have had some time cut off.

Post match we get the hug and the heel turn to set up HHH/Stephanie, who are STILL at the top of the heel food chain over eighteen years later. To be fair though, this is a heck of a story here as Stephanie is still a very innocent character (she only really debuted earlier in the year) and now she’s siding with the big bad who just massacred her dad. The big pose ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. For a show built around one match which was only pretty good, this is actually a pretty easy show to sit through. Above all else, they didn’t have a million swerves and the focus was more on the action. Things were about to take off in a BIG way around here (the Radicalz were about six weeks away) and you can feel the energy building. Stephanie’s turn really is effective, even if it’s eventually going to lead to a lot of screaming from a lot of people. Good show here, as the Russo era is thankfully behind us.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 15, 2003
Location: Carolina Coliseum, Columbia, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and just like Summerslam, that can’t come early enough. The shows haven’t exactly been thrilling as of late and I don’t see that getting any better tonight. At the moment, the problem comes down to the show having almost every direction wrong, which doesn’t bode well as we head towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

HHH is walking through the back and runs into Eric Bischoff. Since tonight is Goldberg’s last night on Raw, HHH wants to throw him a going away party. Bischoff agrees, but wants to know what HHH is going to do when Goldberg shows up. HHH’s advice: keep watching. Do we have to?

Chris Jericho and Christian are in the ring, carrying anti-Steve Austin signs. He needs to be FIRED, especially due to the attack on Jericho last week. Fair point actually. Austin is a Stone Cold joke and the joke is on the two of them. Christian wants to know why he was off Summerslam and why he’s off Unforgiven. Again, fair point. Is there a reason why we’re not seeing Christian defend the title on back to back pay per views? Maybe the Canadians are on to something here.

They try to start a STONE COLD MUST GO chant but here’s Austin to interrupt. Austin wants to know what’s up with this attempt to stop the show. He brings up Jericho slapping him on the back, which insulted Steve’s manhood and hurt his feelings. That wasn’t going to fly and Austin retaliated. Austin wants to give them a beating but that stupid rule is holding him back.

This brings him to Christian, who WILL be defending the title at Unforgiven. Instead of announcing an opponent, Austin dares one of them to provoke him. Jericho gets in Austin’s face but tells Christian to get him. Since no violence is happening at the moment, Jericho is going to have a match right now. We’ll make that a #1 contenders match for the Intercontinental Title shot on Sunday.

Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

From a one sided loss in a long cage match to a #1 contenders match. I’m certainly following the logic. Rob starts in with the kicks and dives onto both Canadians as we take an early break. Back with Rob still in control but Christian shoves him off the top. That earns Christian a stern lecture as Jericho whips Rob into the steps.

After a chinlock that doesn’t last very long, Rob dropkicks Jericho out of the air and scores with a spinwheel kick to the face. Rolling Thunder lands on Jericho’s face and a slingshot legdrop hits it again. That’s not how you treat a sexy rock star. An attempt at the Walls is countered into a small package for two as the fans are rather behind Van Dan here.

Jericho has better luck with the sleeper drop before ducking a kick, meaning it’s time for a ref bump. The Lionsault hits knees but the Five Star does as well. Christian tries to come in but hits Jericho with the belt by mistake (ignore Jericho being three feet behind Van Dam). Instead Christian hits Rob with the belt as well, drawing the DQ.

Rating: C-. The ending hurts this one a good bit and that doesn’t surprise me. I’ve never been a fan of a champion trying to break up a #1 contenders match with the stupid, illogical thinking of the non-ending (which should be an ending, but won’t because WWE) means no match. I know wrestling heels aren’t that bright, but you would think this would connect at some point.

Post match Austin says not quite, because neither guy winning (How did one of them not win??? The referee didn’t see Jericho get hit so Rob should win. If we’re supposed to believe that the referee did see it, then Jericho should win. Either way, this ending doesn’t add up but it gets us to the next match, which is all that matters.) doesn’t get Christian out of his defense. Therefore, it’s a triple threat match for the title at Unforgiven.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: beating Hogan for the WCW World Title.

Spike Dudley vs. Rob Conway

Spike is in a big neck brace after last week’s horrible looking botch….and loses to a neckbreaker in less than thirty seconds while the Dudleys and La Resistance fight on the floor. Well you can’t fault Conway’s thinking.

Post match, Conway powerbombs Spike through a table. The Dudleys make a late save.

Bischoff is in the back with Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman, asking if that’s the kind of violence they can expect on Sunday. A backstage worker (again Taylor from Tough Enough) brings Bischoff a note, saying there are two women in his office. You should be able to guess what’s coming from here.

Post break, Bischoff finds Moolah and Mae Young in his office. Moolah is here to celebrate her 80^th birthday and wants to have a match in her hometown. It turns out that Austin sent the letter and Mae kisses Bischoff. Austin: “I think she likes you!”

Victoria vs. Fabulous Moolah

Mae offers a distraction and Moolah wins with a rollup in thirty seconds. Quite the use of the go home show time.

Post match Victoria jumps both of them so here’s Randy Orton for the save. However, she’s a legend and he’s a legend killer so it’s an RKO for Moolah. I’m so glad they had Victoria lose for this. Orton laying Moolah out is a great way to get heel heat, but have him do it to interrupt an interview or a birthday celebration or something.

Great Moment in Goldberg history: hitting the Giant with the Jackhammer. Considering this is closer to a regular suplex, I’m more impressed by Curt Hennig giving Giant a PerfectPlex.

Lance Storm/Goldust vs. Rodney Mack/Mark Henry

Evolution is planning the celebration but Orton says he has to take care of something. After running into Maven and saying nothing, Shawn Michaels pops up. Orton thinks they have a lot in common. Shawn uses people as stepping stones, which is what Orton is going to use Shawn for on Sunday. Michaels slaps him in the face and tells Randy to step hard.

Earlier today, Hurricane gives Rosey flying lessons but Rosey calls a cab instead. Terri came out of the building and talked to Molly Holly and Gail Kim, who don’t think Trish Stratus will have a partner tonight.

Here’s Bischoff, in rather casual clothes, including an un-tucked brown shirt and a hat, to oversee the contract signing between Kane and Shane McMahon. He explains the idea of a Last Man Standing match and says these two aren’t just signing contracts, but also releases. Kane is out first and signs before Shane shows up. Now it’s Shane coming out and OF COURSE he has something to say. He promises that if he’s going down, Kane is going down with him.

Shane likes the stipulation on Sunday and signs the contract so Kane turns the table over. The fight is on with Shane hitting him low four times in a row and cracking Kane with a few chair shots. With Kane down, Shane pulls a cover off a special announcers’ table (well good thing that was there) for the big elbow. Remember: Shane can do this while Rob Van Dam, #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title, got squashed last week.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: beating the Rock at Backlash. That’s not a great moment in any history.

Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim/Molly Holly

No holds barred. Trish dropkicks them down at the same time and gets in a double neck snap across the top rope. Since it’s no holds barred, Gail heads to the apron while Trish hits a kick in the corner and the Stratusphere for no cover. Gail comes back with a slam and middle rope legdrop for two, followed by Molly’s handspring elbow. Trish fights out of a weak chinlock and scores with a spinebuster. That’s about it though as Gail sends her hard into the corner, setting up the Molly Go Round for the pin.

Rating: D. This was either the lamest no holds barred match ever or Lilian Garcia screwed up and announced the wrong stipulation. The feud continues to be pretty uninteresting but at least it now has a point. That’s far more than you usually get in these stories and when Trish actually gets a good partner, things will get even better.

Post match the beating continues until Lita makes her big return for the save. Lita plants them both, stops to take her top off, and then gives Molly a Twist of Fate.

Post break, Gail and Molly yell at Bischoff about what happened. Austin comes in to explain that he rehired Lita (holy continuity for once) and makes a tag match for Sunday.

Here are Coach and Al Snow doing a JR and King impression because THIS IS HOW WE SELL PAY PER VIEWS IN 2003! They’ll be doing commentary at the table Shane destroyed, which actually had equipment included (even down to the Raw Magazine). And yes, they’re sitting at the broken table because that needed to be broken before this happens.

Val Venis vs. Test

Val blows a kiss to Stacy Keibler so Test jumps him as Snow and Coach are doing commentary on their own. Test stops to yell at Stacy and gets decked from behind, including a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. The Money Shot is broken up as Test kicks the referee into the ropes (not a DQ of course), setting up the pumphandle slam. That’s only good for two as Stacy makes a save, meaning it’s time for a chase. Cue Scott Steiner for a distraction, causing Test to crotch himself. Stacy bounces the ropes a bit (with her skirt flying WAY up), allowing Val to hit a half nelson slam for the fast pin.

Post match Steiner cleans house until Test pulls Stacy out (sending the skirt up again).

Lawler comes to the ring and wants to face Snow right now. Well after a break that is.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: the Elimination Chamber. They have to hammer that one in one more time before he wins on Sunday don’t they?

Jerry Lawler vs. Al Snow

Snow is in street clothes. Coach joins JR on commentary, doing a JR impression in the process. Snow headlocks him down to start as the announcers bicker a lot. Lawler is right back with a DDT as JR yells at Coach for not knowing holds. A belly to back suplex takes King down as Coach talks about fans wanting a commentator in a white hat. Back up and Lawler grabs a rollup for the fast pin.

Coach decks JR, who rants about the EVIL announcers after a break.

We look back at Shane and Kane earlier.

Pay per view rundown.

Evolution is heading to the ring for the farewell party when they run into Austin. On Sunday, if HHH gets disqualified, he loses the title. Therefore, they’re staying back here tonight while HHH goes to the ring on his own.

We can hear him talking but the arena can’t, meaning the longest string of HELLO HELLO HELLO in wrestling history. He finally gets a working microphone and gets right back on track. HHH: “I wasn’t aware that Goldberg made microphones.” This brings HHH to the present, which is a picture of Evolution beating Goldberg down in a cage last week. We see a clip of last weeks beatdown until a bandaged Goldberg pops up on screen. He says he’ll win the title, comes to the ring to press HHH into a powerslam, and poses to end the show. This was really boring as HHH went on forever without saying much of anything, as only he can.

Overall Rating: D-. And so much for me wanting to see Unforgiven. It’s the same usual nonsense: focusing on a bunch of non-wrestlers, the idea that Shane McMahon can fight Kane far better than Rob Van Dam could seem to hope to and a HHH vs. Goldberg title change that should have taken place a month ago. This was a complete waste of a go home show with a bunch of matches that meant nothing (the one match to break five minutes had a commercial and two didn’t break thirty five seconds) and one dumb story after another. Maybe a new World Champion will help, but I’m not exactly optimistic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 8, 2003
Location: Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on Unforgiven and the big story is….well I’m not sure actually. Maybe it’s HHH vs. Goldberg? Or is it Shane McMahon vs. Kane? Or is it whatever Vince McMahon and company are up to when he crosses over to this show? Either way last week’s show was the slightest upgrade so hopefully that trend continues. The show is opening with Kane vs. Rob Van Dam inside a steel cage as the annual fight against Monday Night Football begins. Let’s get to it.

I’ve actually already done this show. Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/22/monday-night-raw-september-8-2003-when-the-highlight-of-the-show-is-mollys-hair-youre-in-trouble/

The cage is lowered.

Opening sequence.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Pin or escape to win (I’m assuming submission is implied). Kane jumps Rob on his entrance and the beating is on in a hurry. Van Dam gets a boot up in the corner though and the basement dropkick puts Kane down again. That just earns Rob a trip into the cage and Kane crushes his head against the steel like a violent monster should. Van Dam is already busted so Kane sends him into the cage again.

Kane blocks the kicks and throws him into the cage for the third time in a row. Rob crotches him on top though and a top rope kick to the chest sets up Rolling Thunder. A ram into the cage looks to set up the Five Star but Rob only hits mat. Kane is right back up with an Alley Oop onto the ropes/into the cage. To mix things up, Kane sends him into the cage a few more times, only to break the wall so Rob can fall out for the win.

And of course not because Eric Bischoff is RIGHT THERE to say it had to be over the top or through the door so that doesn’t count. Back from a break with Kane sending him back inside and sending him into the cage over and over again. The door is slammed on Rob’s head but Kane lets him climb halfway up the cage. A few kicks allow Rob to get even further, only to be pulled down for a super chokeslam and the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night this was boring. It was nearly fifteen minutes of Kane throwing him into the cage over and over with nothing changing from beginning to end. Kane is a monster and that’s all well and good, but now I’m supposed to buy Shane McMahon as having a chance against him? After this kind of destruction of a former Intercontinental Champion?

Van Dam is taken out on a stretcher.

We look at Goldberg running through Evolution last week.

Here’s Bischoff for some announcements before Steve Austin gives the State of the Raw Address tonight. First up: Kane vs. Shane is official for Unforgiven. He’s also changing a match at the pay per view. Now it’s going to be JR/King vs. Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman with the winners being the permanent Raw commentators. As for tonight, it’s Goldberg/a mystery partner vs. HHH/a mystery partner with Bischoff picking the partners. The partners are going to be Flair and Orton aren’t they? Also, what does it say that Coach/Snow vs. JR/King is a major upgrade? That’s how bad things were looking.

Lance Storm vs. Rico

After I take a few seconds to get my eyes back in my head from seeing Jackie Gayda here, we see Storm worrying to Goldust about being called boring tonight. Goldust is proud of Storm’s progress though. Last week he was jaywalking and had a double bacon cheeseburger with extra pickles. Goldust: “And who was pleasuring themselves with a pop up book?” Storm: “That was you man.”

Storm even does the Goldust breath and actually does it quite well. Before the match, Rico tries to start the BORING chants but gets RICO SUCKS instead. Storm punches him in the mouth to start and grabs a suplex for two. A rake of the eyes cuts Storm off though and let’s talk about the Unforgiven tag match. Rico’s hiptoss into a neckbreaker gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Storm comes back with clotheslines and a kiss to Jackie (sexual assault isn’t boring) and a springboard missile dropkick puts Rico away. Storm’s celebration doesn’t work that well given the lack of music.

Bischoff won’t tell HHH who the partner will be. Given that it’s going to be Orton or Flair, I’m not sure why he won’t say anything.

Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly/Gail Kim

Having Trish run through all the random partners like this isn’t exactly showcasing any talent or depth to the division. Molly and Jackie get things going as JR thinks the villains are jealous of Trish. Haven’t they said that multiple times already? Jackie rolls her up for two, followed by a basement dropkick for the same on Gail. A double DDT plants Jackie as King says JR needs to be taking notes.

Due to reasons of stupidity brought on by jealousy, Gail throws Jackie over for the tag to Trish. That earns her a Thesz press as Trish starts cleaning house. A headlock takeover/headscissor combination takes both villains down but they toss Trish to the floor for a painful looking crash. That’s actually enough to give Gail the pin.

Rating: D. I’ll certainly take an uninspired motivation over no motivation so the Molly and Gail being jealous of Trish story is fine enough. You can kind of tell what they’re building to with Trish’s eventual partner and there’s nothing wrong with where they’re going. If nothing else, Gail is already improving beyond “she’s a face who can do hurricanranas”. Match was nothing of course, but the crash at the end looked good.

Here’s Austin for the State of Raw Address. He chucks the podium over the top because that’s just not the Steve Austin style. Before we get to Raw though, there’s something he needs to address regarding Unforgiven. HHH vs. Goldberg is title vs. career so HHH is going to do whatever he can to retain the title. Therefore, if HHH gets disqualified, he loses the title.

Moving on, we have Kane running around like a monster and electrocuting a man’s testicles. Note for future reference: Austin shouldn’t say testicles. Anyway, that should warrant Austin whipping Kane but that’s against the rules. After a meeting with his cabinet (his liquor cabinet that is), he’s decided that it sucks and the audience poll agrees.

This brings out Christian before any announcement can be made about Kane, which is rather rude. Christian says that what really sucks is the lack of respect from Austin. He knows he’s not getting an apology and the peepulation in Huntsville is outraged over these developments. Austin: “The entire peepulation thinks you’re an a******.” Christian: “I want my own talk show!”. His win over Jericho last week shows that he’s the real thing around here, so the Highlight Reel should be turned into the Peep Show.

This brings out Jericho and the beatdown is on in a hurry. Now one would assume that’s a face turn, but Jericho immediately starts yelling at Austin. Jericho calls Austin a bully and a failure as a GM, not to mention a human being. He wants to see Austin fired every single day because the Highlight Reel can’t be canceled.

Austin doesn’t intend to cancel the show and offers Jericho a beer. Jericho is on to this game though and isn’t about to provoke Austin into beating him up. Jericho: “If you want to see me drink a beer with Stone Cold Steve Austin, give me a doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy do”. Austin: “That was the absolute worst catchphrase I’ve ever heard in the history of Monday Night Raw”.

Jericho drops the beer Austin throws him though and you can tell things are getting serious. In a funny bit, Austin tosses another one from about a foot away and beer is consumed….but Jericho slaps him on the back. That means a Stunner so beer can fly everywhere, ending this segment which somehow only accomplished adding another stipulation to HHH vs. Goldberg. I mean….am I missing another point to this? Did we really need a five minute Jericho and Austin segment with the same ending that almost all Austin segments have?

La Resistance/Rob Conway/Rodney Mack/Mark Henry vs. Hurricane/Rosey/Dudley Boyz

It’s a brawl to start (shocking) with the good guys cleaning house and D-Von throwing Spike onto La Resistance. Dupree takes What’s Up and it’s already table time. Bubba and Henry have the hoss fight on the floor, leaving Rosey to double clothesline Conway and Dupree. It’s off to Spike, who actually manages to send Mark outside, where he comes up holding his leg. That’ll likely be six months on the shelf.

Hurricane comes in off the hot tag to clean house until Bubba tags himself in for a double Flip Flop and Fly. Spike chases Grenier to the back and Dupree takes a Samoan drop/swinging neckbreaker combination from the heroes. Rosey goes shoulder first into the post, only to have Conway take 3D. Mack gets a Bubba Bomb but Henry is back in with the World’s Strongest Slam to pin Bubba. You can feel the energy go out of the arena on the pin.

Rating: D. This got energetic at the end but a ten man tag needs a heck of a lot more than five minutes to go anywhere. Cut out Spike and Conway and this is a little better but still, too many people trying to do too many things. The act that La Resistance vs. the Dudleys is WAY out of gas at this point didn’t help either.

Post match La Resistance tries the double spinebuster over the top to put Spike through a table but leave him WAY too short, sending the back of his head off the edge of the table, which doesn’t break. Oh but they do put Hurricane through the table to no reaction because the fans are worried that Spike has a broken neck. So they’re boring and can’t do a table spot safely. Well done guys. But hey, at least they can get cheap anti-American heat and that validates everything.

And now, after one of the scariest looking botches you’ll ever see (though Spike seemed to be ok), let’s go to Coach, Snow and Bischoff making fun of JR and King. How many people even know they’re the Heat commentators? Better yet, why are they the Heat commentators? After that comedic brilliance, Bischoff makes a six man tables match with La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. the Dudleys at Unforgiven. Coach and Snow have something in store for JR tonight but Gail Kim comes in to want to talk to Eric. This includes shoving him into a locker and sitting on his lap. Ok then.

HHH compares Goldberg to a can of YJ Stinger (energy drink sponsor). The difference is the Stinger gets the job done and Goldberg is nothing but hype.

We look back at the cage match and Van Dam being destroyed.

Unforgiven rundown. All these matches that feel like leftovers from previous pay per views are making me think of spoiled milk.

Shane McMahon is in WWE Studios in Connecticut for an interview but Bischoff interrupts and makes Kane vs. Shane a Last Man Standing match. Again, because Shane isn’t a wrestler and can’t have a regular match. Shane: “Screw you Eric.” Eric: “I just screwed you.”

Gail, now minus the coat she had when she went to see Bischoff, adjusts her top while telling Molly that the deal went through and they’ll finish Trish next week.

Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards

Victoria, Test and Stacy Keibler are here. Steiner throws him into the corner to start but Test’s distraction lets Steven grab a neckbreaker for two. That just earns him an overhead suplex and some chops in the corner. There’s the push-up elbow but Steiner decides to bring Victoria in instead. Test gives Steiner a full nelson slam for two but the Stevie Kick is blocked. Steiner’s Flatliner is good for the pin.

Post match Steiner says Stacy should be with him again so let’s have ANOTHER Test vs. Steiner match for Stacy’s services. This time though, Steiner’s services are on the line as well. Therefore, if Test wins, Steiner has to watch Test and Stacy. That took quite the turn and that’s not exactly something I need to see.

Next up: Bischoff announcing Flair and Orton as HHH and Goldberg’s partners.

Actually we get Coach and Snow in the ring for the “comedy”. It’s the old (and bad) someone’s face on unfunny pictures with a theme of what JR could do after he’s fired. Several involve JR being some sort of woman, or a mule at the end. JR comes to the ring, gets insulted some more and punches Coach out. What is this? Four segments on a match between announcers, a part time wrestler and a commentator? Against the debut of Monday Night Football?

Goldberg doesn’t know who his partner is and doesn’t care. It’s going to be Flair or Orton. I don’t know why this is in any kind of doubt because it’s the only thing Bischoff would logically do.

Goldberg/??? vs. HHH/???

And of course the partners are Orton and Flair respectively.

No match as the beatdown is on and the cage is lowered, trapping them all inside. King of course says that means no one can get in to save them, not understanding the concept of “there is no roof”. Goldberg fights back for a bit until a chair shot takes him down. The bloody Goldberg is beaten down but falls out of the first Pedigree attempt to make this look even worse. The second one Pedigree actually works and HHH talks a lot of trash to end the show. You knew this was coming when Goldberg looked dominant last week because AT BEST he’s allowed to go 50/50 with HHH.

Overall Rating: D-. There were a few spots in there that weren’t as dark as others but that’s as good as I can go. The problem here is it felt like the punted with Monday Night Football being sure to dominate the night. That makes sense, but it’s not a good sign when so much of the show is a repeat or continuation of a story that has been going on FAR too long now. Get to Unforgiven so we can get past it because this is all bad stuff at the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

In case you haven’t heard enough about her yet.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-give-ronda-rousey-good-reputation/

Royal Rumble 2016
Date: January 24, 2016
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 15,170
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

Pre-Show: Mark Henry/Jack Swagger vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Darren Young/Damien Sandow vs. Ascension

The opening video recaps the only thing that matters here with the tagline of One vs. All. I liked that last year and I still do.

Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Usos

Rating: B-. This took some time to get rolling but once everything broke down, it was as good as you would expect from these teams. New Day is clearly the future of the division despite being champs for nearly five months at this point. Catching a top rope splash out of the air is really impressive as the champs continue to show that they have the ring work to back up their charisma.

We look back at Brock Lesnar beating up the League of Nations, followed by Reigns spearing Brock. The Wyatts then beat Reigns and Brock up to make themselves a threat for later tonight.

US Title: Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio

Pre-show recap.

Charlotte takes over and grabs a cravate as the fans are WAY behind Becky here. Like moreso than usual. Thankfully Charlotte mocks the chants before doing the headscissor faceplants followed by the Figure Four necklock. Becky gets out and starts firing off dropkicks to take over but a neckbreaker puts Charlotte right back in control.

Some fans went to the Performance Center under the ruse of being part of a focus group. The wound up getting to meet a full tour of the facility and met most of the NXT roster. Note to self: sign up for focus groups.

Rumble By the Numbers video, which is still one of my favorite annual traditions. This is tied in with the stats that Reigns, who is entering at #1, has to overcome to retain the title.

WWE World Title: Royal Rumble

This goes on so long that Stardust comes in at #14. Rusev splashes Reigns through the table as we have NO IDEA what is going on in the ring during all this. While we were gone, Jericho eliminated Kingston which was of course ignored by the announcers. Now for the stupid part: Vince and the Nation JUST LEAVES.

to eliminate Ziggler a few seconds later.

HHH and family celebrate as fireworks take us out.

Ratings Comparison

Mark Henry/Jack Swagger vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Darren Young/Damien Sandow vs. Ascension

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens

Original: B

Redo: B+

New Day vs. Usos

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

Original: C

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch:

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

What was up with me hating the women like that?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/01/24/royal-rumble-2016-this-rumble-game-thing/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 

Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

ECW Title: Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Hardy walks into a belly to belly suplex from Jack for two though and both guys are down. A DDT on the arm gets two for the champion but Matt blocks a belly to back superplex. Matt hits a decent looking moonsault for two and the fans are getting into these kickouts. The Twist is countered and Jack sends Matt shoulder and possibly head first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: B-. Better match than I was expecting here with both guys looking good out there. Matt was getting close to being something decent as a singles guy and this was his way off ECW and onto Smackdown. Swagger would go on to win a world title and shock the world in the process before falling through the floor soon after. Solid opener here.

Orton arrives and gets glared at.

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

We head back inside again with Edge in full control including a spear in the corner. Jeff grabs a quick two off a sunset flip but gets clotheslined right back down. Off to a body vice by Edge to slow things down a bit. Jeff fights up and hits a mule kick before going up top, only to jump into a dropkick from Edge for two. Now Edge goes to get two chairs but Jeff spears him down off the apron before it can be brought in.

Rumble by the numbers which is roughly the same as the previous year.

Royal Rumble

Punk pulls Regal out and brags about it without getting thrown out. R-Truth is #24 and nothing happens. Rob Van Dam makes a one night only return at #25 after not having been seen in the WWE in about a year and a half. That at least wakes the crowd up but there are too many people in there for his style of stuff to work. He loads up the Five Star but Truth is too close so he has to bail out in mid air.

Jericho tries to put a sleeper on Show but it gets about as far as you would expect. Taker throws Punk to the apron as Show dumps Truth. Punk fires off some kicks and hangs on three times so Show finally knocks him out cold and out to the floor. Show knocks out Knox and Mysterio as Horny gets in for no apparent reason. Finlay tries to save him and gets dumped for his efforts at good parenting.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C

Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C-

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/28/royal-rumble-count-up-2009-the-voices-tell-me-no-one-but-orton-has-a-chance/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6