Monday Night Raw – December 9, 2002: Three Times! THREE TIMES!
Monday Night Raw Date: December 9, 2002
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for Armageddon and that means it’s time for the HHH vs. Shawn Michaels Show (as in the official version instead of the unofficial one we’ve seen for weeks now). Other than that, I really can’t think of anything important that Raw has to offer on Sunday but it’s not like Raw cares about anyone but these two anyway. Let’s get to it.
Eric Bischoff and Chief Morely are in the ring with Shawn Michaels and HHH appearing on the screen. Bischoff gets right to the point: Sunday’s match is going to be 2/3 falls. That’s not all though as each fall will have a special stipulation. The first fall will be a street fight, the second will be held inside a cage and the third is a ladder match. HHH and Shawn didn’t say a word. So to clarify, we’re likely getting THREE Shawn vs. HHH matches and HHH will get to beat Shawn in his signature match to become the champion all over again. Oh joy.
Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Lance Storm
During the entrances, a four way elimination match is confirmed for Sunday with Chris Jericho/Christian defending against these two teams and the Dudley Boyz. Booker works on Storm’s arm to start and let’s hit the HHH talk. Goldust comes in for the yet to be named Rear View on Regal. A suplex drops Goldust though and it’s off to a chinlock. That goes nowhere so it’s already off to Booker as the announcers manage to talk about the match for a bit.
Booker’s spinebuster gets two on Lance and it’s already back to the HHH discussion. There’s the ax kick for two more but Goldust tags himself in for a double clothesline. Shattered Dreams makes Regal cringe and something like a Hart Attack gets two on Storm. Lance comes right back with a Sharpshooter though and Goldust tape.
Rating: C-. This was all about the angle building but that doesn’t mean much given how fast they’re throwing together this weak link story for Goldust. I’m not sure why they couldn’t just have Booker and Goldust go on a roll and beat some teams but why do that when you can have them lose over and over in the first place?
Goldust says he’s the weak link and wants Booker to find a new partner.
Trish Stratus is reading Hulk Hogan’s new book for no apparent reason when Chris Jericho comes in to read an excerpt. Apparently he made Hogan tap at one point but he’d rather talk about the sexual tension between himself and Trish. She thinks Vitamin C sounds very nu-Trish-ous. Then again she saw him without his clothes on two weeks ago and thinks it’s Vitamin Wee. These two have great chemistry together.
Rob Van Dam is on the phone in Bischoff’s office when the bosses come in to hang up the call. Bischoff needs to keep the line open for his call from Scott Steiner. Van Dam leaves but tells Bischoff that he just hung up on Steiner. I would pay so much money to see Steiner and Van Dam have a five minute chat about…..well anything really.
Steven Richards vs. Jacqueline
Jacqueline is in a triple threat match with Trish and Victoria on Sunday, just in case you weren’t over the card already. Steven easily powers her into the corner to start but gets armdragged down. Richards gets serious and grabs a side slam for two with Jackie’s foot on the ropes freaking him out. A DDT gives Jackie two more but she drops him throat first across the top rope. The StevieDT is good for the pin and I have no idea why this existed.
Victoria comes in to go after Jackie but Trish makes the save. Jackie wants nothing from Trish and the loser’s music plays for some reason.
Jeff Hardy is honored to be compared to a young HBK but the real version comes in to say he’s not dead. Shawn knows Jeff is going to take a beating tonight and says take advantage of HHH when he gets cocky. Jeff is grateful for the advice and says if Shawn needs help in the ladder match, let him know.
Rob Van Dam vs. Batista
Batista throws him around to start as JR gets in his regular mention of Rob’s offense being “unorthodox”. Choking underneath the ropes ensues until Rob gets in a few kicks to take over. Rolling Thunder gives Van Dam two but Flair grabs Rob’s foot. Cue Kane for the fast DQ.
Kane and Van Dam clean house.
Morely yells at Kane, who doesn’t know who Morely is. The Chief explains things so Kane does a Val Venis impression, earning himself a handicap match with 3 Minute Warning.
Christopher Nowinski/D’Lo Brown vs. Maven/Al Snow
And Brown is just a heel now. The good guys clean house to start with Snow armdragging Brown a few times. Maven comes in for some right hands of his own until Nowinski pulls him down from behind. The slow beatdown begins with the fans saying someone sucks. My guess would be the whole match but I’m too big of a Brown fan to say that. Nowinski gets dropkicked off the top and the hot tag brings in Snow. The trapping headbutts have Brown in trouble until Chris makes the save. The Sky High puts Snow away.
Rating: D. This is as low level of a feud as you can get and despite the pre-match video on the match, I have no idea why these guys are feuding. I don’t know if this is still supposed to hype up Tough Enough but it’s really not interesting. Also, this gets nearly two minutes longer than Batista vs. Van Dam? Is Batista really that incapable of wrestling a longer match?
Booker tries to talk Goldust out of splitting up the team. The plea is enough and they’ll be a team at the pay per view. So they set up and blew off the story in about forty minutes. That might be a record even for Raw. The story is fine but could we get a bit more time to let is set in? At least have the story go on longer than two weeks to let it have some impact.
HHH vs. Jeff Hardy
HHH pulls him off the ropes during the entrances but Jeff gets in the legdrop between the legs. That’s enough trouble for HHH as he takes Hardy outside for some whips into the steps. Back in and a spinebuster sets up a side slam, followed by an over the shoulder backbreaker. Jeff’s comeback consists of a running forearm before two Pedigrees (because HHH can’t just have one of anything) give HHH the pin.
Rating: D. Well it’s not like Jeff is doing anything at this point. You knew they were going to put HHH over someone very hard to make sure you know how awesome he is before Sunday’s title match. Just in case you didn’t realize how completely awesome HHH was you see. Hardy was treated like a jobber here, though to be fair it’s not that far from the truth.
HHH loads up a chair but Shawn comes out for the staredown as we take a break. Back with Flair saying he’d like a word with Shawn. With Shawn holding the title, Flair talks about carrying that very belt around the airports (not quite) but then someone told him that Shawn was the new man.
Then one day Arn Anderson said Shawn was a tough act to follow and Flair had to take a look in the mirror. Ric realized that he wasn’t the best in the world anymore and there was no way around it. As high as Shawn was on the pedestal though, there’s a new man in town. That man’s name is HHH and he’s the best in the world. Shawn needs to concede the fact that he needs to pass the torch. If Shawn tries to keep going, HHH will kill him on the way to taking the most coveted prize in this business. Shawn seems to buy into the idea and walks away as HHH reiterates what Flair just said.
Great stuff here from Flair but there’s no way around the fact that we’re looking at three Shawn vs. HHH matches on Sunday despite no one wanting to see it. The first match was great but their promos haven’t done much since then. Couple that with the fact that I can’t imagine their match is going to validate crushing everyone else in their paths to get there and it’s hard to imagine this is worth all the effort.
The Raw Retro for the week is Mike Tyson debuting and Steve Austin getting in his face. You can hear WCW collapsing from here.
Kane vs. 3 Minute Warning
Rico offers an early distraction so the Samoans can jump Kane from behind. Double headbutts have Kane in trouble and Rosey gets two off a legdrop. The running DDT plants Jamal and Rosey splashes his partner by mistake. The chokeslam puts Jamal down for the pin in less than three minutes. We have four teams and the Samoans are jobbing in a handicap match?
Rico helps with a post match beatdown until Van Dam makes the save. Jamal even eats a Van Terminator.
Stacy is in a rather sexy Santa outfit and debuts the Test blue ball Christmas ornament. Yes, this really is the joke they’re STILL going with. Just in case you didn’t get the idea, Stacy sings a Christmas carol about the testicles roasting over an open fire.
RNN BREAKING NEWS shows Randy Orton at the New York Stock Exchange.
We run down the pay per view card with all four of its announced matches.
Chris Jericho wants to put Trish through a table in their six person tag. Oh and it’s rather large in case you were wondering. Victoria comes up and says she’ll be the one doing that.
Shawn tells Flair that he’ll be waiting for HHH in the parking lot.
Trish Stratus/Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/Christian/Victoria
Tables match. D-Von hammers Christian into the corner before it’s off to Bubba for the big elbows. Why they’re tagging isn’t clear but I’d assume it’s because they need to fill in some extra time and don’t have any more matches. It’s off to Victoria, who takes What’s Up. Trish hits one on Jericho to make Lawler a bit envious. D-Von brings in the first table but gets knocked off the apron. That’s fine though as Bubba loads up a powerbomb on Victoria….and we take a break?
Back with Bubba in a chinlock and JR apologizing for the abrupt commercial. Victoria comes in to work on Bubba as we see a clip of Jericho breaking up the powerbomb before the commercial. The referee doesn’t see a tag to D-Von, who can’t come in despite, as JR has mentioned more than once, there being no disqualifications. Now the announcers discuss which version of Shawn will show up on Sunday (Shawn Michaels, HBK or the Showstopper).
The Lionsault hits knees and Bubba covers out of instinct as Christian slides in a table. That table is set up in the corner and Jericho bounces off of it as this just keeps going. Bubba dives over for the hot tag to D-Von and house is cleaned in a hurry. Jericho saves Christian from being suplexed through a table but takes 3D for his efforts.
The Dudleys load Victoria up for a powerbomb but Richards comes out for the save, only to have Spike Dudley get rid of him. Christian eats a good looking double flapjack but now Regal and Storm come in to jump Bubba and D-Von. Booker T. and Goldust make it SIX RUN-INS as they go after the champs.
Jericho takes the Stratusphere for some reason and since it’s just a weak hurricanrana, Chris takes Trish’s head off with a clothesline. Booker saves Trish and stops for a Spinarooni but gets dropped by Storm. That earns Lance a 3D and the Dudleys finally help Trish powerbomb Victoria through the table for the win.
Rating: D. Did I mention there isn’t much on this show and they don’t have enough to fill in two hours? This match ran over fifteen minutes with six people running in. The tagging stuff got old in a hurry, especially with JR mentioning more than once that there were no disqualifications. Why he didn’t mention the tags not being necessary isn’t clear but it might have made too much sense.
HHH and Flair head to the parking lot where Shawn hits HHH in the head with a shovel. Flair takes a shot as well (at least wait for the bar) and a trashcan shot knocks HHH into a dumpster. As you might expect, Shawn climbs the highest thing he can find (the production truck) and dives onto HHH for the big crash. Shawn rants about having heart to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Yeah this isn’t working and it’s very, very clear that the red side of Armageddon is a horrible show with EVERYTHING banked on Shawn vs. HHH. I’m not even sure why the Tag Team Title match needs to be a four way when you could easily have two tags to flesh things out a bit. The long matches and bad wrestling didn’t help here but above all else, Raw needs something fresh instead of HHH vs. Shawn again.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – December 2, 2002 (2017 Redo): The Best In The World Because They Say So
Monday Night Raw Date: December 2, 2002
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
So HHH is back and I’d assume that’s about all you need to know for this show. That whole week without HHH around to really run the show must have scared the company as he interfered in last week’s World Title match, seemingly setting up another pay per view showdown with Shawn Michaels. I’m as thrilled as you are. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about…..well by George it’s about HHH coming back last week! To be fair it’s not like anything else was treated like it mattered last week.
Opening sequence.
Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning
They don’t waste time with the wrestling to start and Rosey gets dropped with a double belly to back. A double crossbody puts Bubba and Rosey down and we get down to Jamal getting knocked back and forth between the Dudleys. Rosey and Bubba chop it out with the latter taking him down into what can best be described as a cross armbreaker. D-Von stays on the arm as this is already more technical than I was expecting.
Rico gets involved for a distraction though and D-Von gets beaten down for a short while. For some reason a DDT stops Rosey but the referee doesn’t see the tag. A neckbreaker puts Rosey down again and now the tag brings Bubba back in. House is cleaned but Rico gets in a kick to the back of the head. Cue Spike for the way too fast save, allowing the brothers to hit What’s Up. After Rico’s interference doesn’t go anywhere, a 3D finishes Rosey.
Rating: C-. Well that happened. Really I’m not sure what else there is to say about the match as it just came and went. It’s good to have the Dudleys back but it’s very clear that there’s nothing to the division at this point and if 3 Minute Warning is the best they have, they’re in big trouble.
We come back from a break with all three Dudleys down, thanks to an off-camera attack at the hands of Chris Jericho and Christian and 3 Minute Warning. D-Von was put in the Walls for a Conchairto and Bubba was beaten down as well while Spike was already carried out. As much as I’d like to have seen it happen, I can greatly appreciate the idea of having stuff seem more realistic instead of having it so rigidly attached to the schedule.
Sean Morely tells Eric Bischoff that he’s got this covered. Oh and call him Chief Morely. HHH to come in to say that he wrestled for thirty minutes in the Elimination Chamber but now he has to beat Rob Van Dam to become #1 contender. Bischoff doesn’t want to hear it and demands great TV. Morely suggests a guest referee to be announced, likely as Shawn Michaels, so HHH can overcome even more odds.
We look at the Dudleys’ beatdown again.
Trish Stratus vs. Ivory
They hit the mat to start before trading arm cranks. Ivory gets two off a rollup as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far. We hit the chinlock with Ivory pulling on Trish’s face until she fights up for a neckbreaker. The Chick Kick gets two as the announcers debate who the guest referee is going to be. Trish hits a very assisted Stratusfaction for the pin.
Rating: D. I know Trish would get much better in the coming years but she really wasn’t able to lift anything up the ladder at this point. It doesn’t help that Ivory is someone who has been the same performer for years and isn’t going to have a memorable match no matter what she does. They really need to bring in some exciting talent if they want this division to work as Trish vs. Victoria is only going to take them so far.
Speaking of dull women, Jackie yells at Victoria for going through her bag and a match is made. She doesn’t even mind if it’s not for the title, because why would she want that? Jackie beats her up because it’s Texas and that means Jackie is all tough and awesome.
Jericho and Christian threaten violence against anyone who disrespect them. Christopher Nowinski instantly sucks up to them like the worm that he is. Of note: the champs’ bags are chained to their lockers.
Jeff Hardy/Tommy Dreamer vs. Lance Storm/William Regal
This is the result of Regal dislocating Dreamer’s jaw a few weeks back. They start fighting in the aisle with Jeff running around the ring to take both evil foreigners down. Dreamer grabs a half crab on Storm to start and gets his jaw broken again for the gimmick infringement. Regal comes in for a knee to the jaw as there’s certainly a target so far. A front facelock allows Dreamer to get over for the tag to Jeff, which the referee naturally misses. With the referee dealing with Jeff, Regal gets a buckle pad off and Dreamer goes face first into the steal for the easy pin.
Rating: D. Jeff and Dreamer are a really lame low level team and having them waste Regal and Storm’s time isn’t that interesting. Then again, it’s certainly better than the stupid hardcore feud with Nowinski. You really can tell that Jeff doesn’t have any fire in him at the moment but at least he wasn’t out there long enough to horribly botch anything.
Ric Flair talks about Batista’s rough upbringing but Batista doesn’t want to go into it. Flair doesn’t seem to mind and brings up Batista bouncing from foster home to foster home. Now Batista gets to use the anger in the ring.
Batista vs. Hurricane
Spinebuster and Batista Bomb are good for the pin in under a minute. Sounds like Flair has a future as a teacher.
Kane comes out for the save because they were partners for like two weeks.
Shawn and Van Dam go face to face about how horrible HHH is. Bischoff comes in to officially make Shawn guest referee. That was ever in doubt? If Shawn doesn’t play it fair, he loses the title.
Booker T. vs. Chris Jericho
Before the match, Booker makes jokes about Jericho being left without his clothes last week and makes jokes about size. Jericho throws some chops to start and dropkicks Booker out to the floor. The top rope back elbow to the jaw gets two and it’s already off to the chinlock. After a little dance (you always need a little dance), Booker catches him on top for a big crashing superplex.
A missile dropkick gives Booker two and Jericho gets catapulted into the corner for good measure. Christian and Goldust run in but quickly cancel each other out, leaving Booker to hit the ax kick. And never mind as Chief Morely comes out and makes this a tag match, minus any sort of Teddy Long’s charisma.
Rating: C+. The match was just there to fill time before the ending but it’s always helpful to have people this talented in the ring. Even if they have nothing to do and are only having a simple match, they’re going to do it well enough that it’s something you can watch without getting bored. I mean, it’s not good enough to have them get the World Title or anything but that’s just crazy talk.
Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Booker T./Goldust
Christian and Jericho are defending and this is joined in progress with Christian in early trouble. It’s off to Booker to hammer away on Jericho until the champs get in a cheap shot to take over. Jericho’s running crotch shot to the back sets up more dancing but Christian’s attempt earns himself a crotching.
Goldust comes in to clean house and gets two off a rollup for very hot reaction. Booker’s snap spinebuster gets two and he ducks Christian’s belt shot. The Book End gives Booker two more with Christian pulling the referee out. Now the belt shot works and Jericho adds the Lionsault for the pin to retain because the Texas guys have to job in their home state.
Rating: C+. Another solid outing here with all four working hard before the annoying ending that follows the WWE formula of humiliating the hometown favorites. I guess it’s a good sign that Goldust didn’t lose in his hometown and it’s not like Booker has much more momentum to lose, even if the fans seem to love him. They really need to change the titles soon though as Goldust and Booker have been primed up for months now.
This week’s Raw Retro is Austin with the cement truck destroying Vince’s Corvette.
F-View shows us Test and Stacy making out on a couch, only to have her stop for the sake of a marketing idea.
Jackie vs. Victoria
Non-title. Victoria shoves her down to start and stomps a lot as the announcers make sure to talk about how tough Jackie is. Jackie gets in a hurricanrana for two but charges into a boot in the corner. The slingshot legdrop gets two but the Widow’s Peak is countered with a backdrop. Jackie’s spinning kick to the head gives her the clean pin and WOO TEXAS! I mean, Dallas and Austin are totally the same thing. They’re only two hours apart and if you can have someone the fans don’t care about win a non-title match it’s completely the same as the popular team losing a title match right?
Steven Richards comes in to check on Victoria. They’re still in the ring post match with Victoria demanding that Jackie come back out here. Instead it’s Scott Steiner for some rhyming before destroying Steven. Cue a very smiling Bischoff to offer Steiner a contract pitch. The pitch is in the back though, where Bischoff has eight women waiting for him. Steiner says he already has a super freak tonight and opens his limo to reveal…..Stephanie McMahon in a short skirt and low cut top. She has things to offer Steiner that Bischoff can’t. So to sum this up: Stephanie is now hotter than eight good looking women combined.
We go to the World for RNN Breaking News…..but we have breaking news in the arena, where HHH and Flair are looking for Shawn, who is in a referee shirt. Shawn is going to DQ HHH for any broken rule, which is totally going to happen because we’re certainly NOT guaranteed to see HHH vs. Shawn for the title again.
HHH vs. Rob Van Dam
The winner gets Shawn, the guest referee here, at the pay per view. Actually hang on as Shawn needs to eject Flair before we get going. HHH isn’t allowed to throw a closed fist so Rob springboard kicks him down for two. A slingshot dive drops HHH and there’s the spinning kick to the back. Rob kicks him in the face for two more, followed by a small package for a fast counted near fall. HHH gets caught in a sleeper with Shawn sitting in front of the ropes for a nice touch.
Back up and Shawn gets bumped and since he’s a referee here instead of a wrestler, a single clothesline keeps him down for a good twenty seconds. Shawn gets up to pull a chair away from HHH so Rob kicks him down by mistake. Rolling Thunder hits HHH but a chair shot knocks Rob silly for the slow counted pin.
Rating: D. Not only was it short and not very good but this felt like something Austin would have done in his day. His only support is sent outside, he has a guest referee that can’t stand him and he can’t use a right hand. The only cheating HHH did was swinging a chair after Rob hit the referee by mistake. I know HHH is amazing and the best thing ever (save for Stephanie) but this made him look like a face instead of the top heel.
They fight post match and Shawn gets in a superkick to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Between the two really bad women’s matches, the HHH/Stephanie worship and Booker/Goldust losing in Texas in a title match they should have won months ago, this was a really bad show. The Tag Team Title match was fine until the end but the rest of the show was the standard problem this era has: bad wrestling, uninteresting storytelling and pushing people who are only there because WWE has decided they’re the best things in the world.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – November 25, 2002: Boring Wrestling and Violent Illness
Monday Night Raw Date: November 25, 2002
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South, Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re still in the Shawn Michaels Era and he’s actually defending the title this week against Rob Van Dam. Other than that we’re still waiting on the return of HHH, who was injured at Survivor Series but probably needs to grace us with his presence again. Other than that, I’d assume we’ll get a bunch of Testicle jokes. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Shawn winning the title and Van Dam earning the shot last week.
Opening sequence.
Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Dudley Boyz
Christian and Jericho are defending. D-Von drops Jericho with a clothesline to start and elbows Christian for the same result. We get some championship miscommunication and Chris gets pummeled in the corner. Christian finally scores with a backbreaker though and the champs take over for the first time.
The pace slows WAY down (as is the Canadian way) but Christian takes too much time yelling at Bubba, allowing D-Von to grab a neckbreaker. Bubba comes in and cleans house but misses the middle rope backsplash. Everything breaks down (as is the tag team way) and D-Von gets two off a small package. Chris rams him into Christian though and a rollup retains the titles clean.
Actually hang on a second as here are Eric Bischoff and Sean Morely (the former Val Venis), who is now Chief of Staff. All four shoulders were on the mat at the same time for the cover so there’s no pin, meaning this match MUST continue. I’m assuming this is the “heel bosses act nice to start before going really evil” segment of the night.
The match continues after a break with Bubba slamming his way out of trouble and making the hot tag off to D-Von. Notice the crowd not being as thrilled, mainly because the good guys just got pinned about as clean as you can get but the match continues on a technicality. 3D gives Bubba the pin on Christian……but Bubba wasn’t legal, so Morely restarts the match again.
The third fall begins and you can hear the fans getting annoyed. Jericho nails D-Von from behind and sleeper drops Bubba for two. That earns him a Flip Flop and Fly with What’s Up making things even worse. Since there haven’t been enough shenanigans in this match, it’s table time but Christian dropkicks it into D-Von’s face. Bubba blocks the Lionsault but Christian hits him with a belt, setting up the Walls to retain the titles for real.
Rating: D+. WAY too much going on here when they could have done a regular match with some extra time or just done a 2/3 falls match, despite the lack of any reason for this to go longer than usual. If nothing else though, it’s nice to have some fresh blood in the title scene and the Dudleys are hardly a stretch for the automatic #1 contendership.
Shawn Michaels is ready to face Van Dam in his first Raw match in five years. He leaves to go talk to Rob for some reason when Christian and Jericho show up with champagne to celebrate. Jericho isn’t happy with Scott Steiner but Christian says “forget about his freaks, peaks and Iron Sheiks”. Chris goes with it and suggests that they hit the town because they need some Vitamin C. Christian: “YEAH! My name starts with a C too!”
They head into the locker room when the Dudleys come up and want to go after the champs again. Bubba says wait, because he has a plan. I think I like this better than cutting to conveniently timed segments where people just happen to be ready to talk when someone else is done but it was still really scripted.
Test vs. Steven Richards
This is fallout from Steven taking a Testicles shirt to the testicles. I think Test is a face now despite doing nothing new other than having the catchphrase. The threat of a big boot sends Steven bailing to the floor but he comes back in with some right hands. We’re already off to a reverse chinlock so at least this is going to be short. Some clotheslines and a full nelson slam give Test two and he hammers away in the corner. A low blow (that the referee should have seen) sets up an X Factor for two, only to have Test Roll the Dice for the pin.
Rating: D. See, he has a catchphrase which a nine year old would find funny so I’m sure the writers are impressed enough to push Test again. Richards got in a lot of offense here, which probably isn’t the best way to push Test, though then again neither is a bunch of testicle jokes. Stacy is gorgeous but that smile is only going to carry the act so far.
Christian and Jericho are in towels after their shower but the Dudleys have stolen their bags. Chase is given and the champs are locked out of the locker room. So how did the Dudleys know that the champs were getting in the shower when they turned the corner two seconds after Christian and Jericho decided to do that? I guess they overheard them but if that’s the case, why didn’t they jump the champs when they were standing there talking?
Test and Stacy are happy with the win and Test goes to take a shower (common theme tonight). As Stacy beams, Victoria jumps her from behind and says she’ll be thinking of Stacy during the match. Instead of her long hair and long legs though, she’ll be thinking of Stacy’s fear. Victoria licks Stacy’s ear and that’s that.
Christopher Nowinski vs. Maven
Before we get going, Chris says this is the last time that anyone can say Maven is better than he is. Maven won Tough Enough because of politics when he mentioned his sick mother and that means it’s on. Nowinski hits him with a big book and Maven is out. No match.
Jericho and Christian are in a search for clothes and find 3 Minute Warning and Rico’s gear. They’re far from impressed (Jericho: “Do you get a free bowl of soup with this outfit?”) but Rico and the Samoans come in to scare them off.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
Trish is challenging and looks very nice in blue. They slug it out to start with Victoria grabbing something like a Thesz press before hitting some awkward kicks to the ribs. A rollup gives Trish two and the kickout sends her outside. She lands hips first, with JR saying is like a stone bouncing across a river. Victoria’s slingshot legdrop gets two as Lawler thinks there’s something in these two’s past before explaining the backstory.
We hit a seated full nelson (that could be a solid finisher) until Trish fights up and gets some rollups for two each. Trish gets sent hard into the steps as this is already starting to drag. Back in and Trish makes another comeback, including a Chick Kick for two. We get an awkward looking shove to send Trish throat first into the ropes but it’s enough to set up the Widow’s Peak to retain the title.
Rating: D. Despite them both looking better than they have in a long time (which covers a lot of ground), the match really did feel disjointed. It was pretty clear that they had no idea how to go from move to move later on in the match, which really makes for some awkward moments. The women were getting better but they weren’t ready for something this long yet, which isn’t a good sign.
Victoria bites Steven Richards’ ear for reasons of general insanity, which he seems to like.
Shawn praises Van Dam’s athleticism but says he’s missing a little something. Rob slaps him and that’s just what the champ was looking for.
Video on Eric Bischoff.
Christian is worried about shrinkage but a shot of the Dudleys in the ring sends the Canadians into the arena. In the ring, the Dudleys are giving away Christian and Jericho’s clothes, including a shirt and jeans. Bubba finds a jar of A** Cream, which has him very confused. Bubba: “WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A** CREAM???” The whole bag of clothes is sent into the crowd but they’re not done yet. Cue Spike to steal the towels and we have unclothed champions.
Hurricane/Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Storm/William Regal
Jeff dives over the top to take out Storm before the bell and the good guys start fast. Some right hands have Regal staggered and it’s off to Hurricane for a high crossbody. The Eye of the Hurricane is broken up so Hurricane has to settle for a chokeslam instead. Regal comes in for the save and starts working on Hurricane’s back with a few knees. Storm adds some forearms, only to get caught with a Shining Wizard. It’s not enough for the hot tag though as Hurricane tries his own half crab. Regal kicks him in the head for the break though and Storm grabs a Sharpshooter for the tap out.
Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but the ending was a nice touch as they went away from the standard formula for a change. You can only do the hot tag into the finish so many times so it was nice to see something get changed up. Regal and Storm aren’t exactly a big upgrade but at least they’re a regular team.
Jeff gets beaten down as well.
We look at Shawn’s last match on Raw from December 1997 against Owen Hart.
Kane vs. Batista
Hang on a second as we have Ric Flair instead, telling Kane that he’s not out of the woods for what he did to Ric last week. Batista comes in to jump Kane from behind and the beatdown is on. We do get a bell though and Batista gets to hammer on Kane in an actual match. Some clotheslines knock Kane around but he comes back with a big boot. The ref gets bumped so there’s no one to count Kane’s powerslam. Ric chairs him in the head and the Batista Bomb gives Dave the fast pin.
We get the official terms of the Big Show trade: Big Show for Ivory, D-Von, Val Venis and Maven. That’s a horrible trade. Anyway Bischoff tells Morely to bring Scott Steiner to Raw. Morely says he has a connection that can make something happen but RNN BREAKING NEWS. Randy talks about everything he’s thankful for, including that good looking nurse at the rehab center.
Goldust vs. Rico
They trade some armdrags to start until Rico gets in a big kick to take over. A lot of stomping allows JR to list off some of Rico’s accomplishments as they seem to be trying to make him into something. Rico grabs an armbar until Goldust makes a short comeback, including the powerslam for two. The Curtain Call gives Goldust the clean pin.
Rating: D. This was more filler but you have to deal with that from time to time. JR mentioned that Booker was healing, which might have something to do with a rash of illness going around the locker room at this point (dehydration due to some issues on a tour of India). If nothing else that would explain some of the odd booking choices tonight, such as this match, which was only going to last so long.
Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam
Shawn, in what looks to be the early Sami Zayn collection of tights, is defending. The champ fires off a dropkick to start but gets kicked in the ribs a few times, followed by a clothesline to send him outside. Rob is smart enough to throw him back inside for a slingshot legdrop to the bad back. A monkey flip is countered into something like Snake Eyes and Shawn starts in on the leg.
We hit the Ric Flair playbook with the leg being crushed on the ropes, followed by a Figure Four. Rob makes the ropes so Shawn forearms him into the nipup, only to miss Sweet Chin Music. Rolling Thunder onto Shawn’s back gets two so Shawn comes back with a DDT. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets two more but it’s another backbreaker to cut him off. Rob gets in the Five Star to the back…..and here’s HHH for the DQ.
Rating: C+. This was totally fine but you could tell that Shawn wasn’t able to hit that other gear. The knee vs. back stuff was fine and I’m glad they didn’t go with a clean fall over Rob, who is still recovering from the HHH loss. Speaking of HHH, thank goodness he was back so quickly to save the show. I mean, it had been a whole week without him and now we’re likely going to get him in another title match.
HHH goes after Shawn post match and shrugs off a comeback. A side slam puts Shawn through an open chair to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. I’d assume the rash of illnesses changed a lot of this show but that really doesn’t make the show any more excusable. It’s not a good show with all the lame matches and quick build towards Armageddon, which is already looking like a boring show with another HHH vs. Shawn match on top. This wasn’t the worst show in the world but it was your standard 2002 dullness.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Survivor Series 2002 (2017 Redo): What Was That Again?
Survivor Series 2002 Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
For those of you who have read my old reviews of this show, you might remember that the main event has sent me into various rantings and ravings over the years. It might have ticked me off more than any match ever at one point, though it’s since been topped multiple times. I’m kind of curious to see how I react to it this time around so let’s get to it.
The opening video focuses on Big Show vs. Lesnar, which is built around the idea that Lesnar is banged up and can’t throw Big Show around like he can with everyone else. The Elimination Chamber actually takes second billing here.
Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning
Elimination tables match and that would still be Bubba and Spike. The villains are quickly sent outside with Spike being thrown at the Samoans. He’s easily caught and 3 Minute Warning is nice enough to stand there while Bubba drops down for Poetry in Motion from Jeff. Back in and Jamal takes a hurricanrana out of the corner, followed by Jeff playing D-Von in What’s Up.
The first table is set up in the corner and Jeff is backdropped over the top for one heck of a crash. Rosey drives himself through a table (not an elimination) but stands up, allowing Jeff to hit a high crossbody….which just bounces off the big man. The Dudley Dog is countered and Spike is tossed through a table for the first elimination. Bubba and Jeff fight back but can’t get around the monsters.
Rosey takes Jeff outside and loads up a table but Bubba makes the save. A few forearms to the back allow Jeff to climb onto an exit tunnel for the Swanton to get rid of Rosey. Back in and Rico loads Bubba onto a table before setting up a moonsault. In a fairly infamous moment, there’s no Jeff to make the save so Rico stands there for about ten seconds and even Bubba can be seen looking around for Jeff. Rico very clearly shouts “COME ON JEFF” before Hardy crotches him for the save.
Jamal moves the table so Rico only has to take a regular belly to back superplex. That’s so much better you see. Jeff takes Jamal to the floor and tries to run the barricade (as in he climbs onto it and then runs instead of a running jump and then running across) but falls anyway, sending himself head first through a table. That would be twice in a week that he’s blown that spot and for some reason I don’t picture him being punished anytime soon. Thankfully Jamal hits one heck of a top rope splash to put Jeff through a table to get us down to 2-1.
Ever the genius, Jamal tries a hurricanrana with a table right behind him. After the most obvious powerbomb this side of an Undertaker match, we’re down to Bubba vs. Rico. 3 Minute Warning comes back in to beat on Bubba but D-Von comes out to FINALLY reunite with his brother to one heck of a reaction. A quick 3D puts Rico through a table for the win.
Rating: C+. They really didn’t have another option here as the Dudleys belong together. It would take about twelve years before Bubba was able to strike out on his own and even that only kind of worked. The tag division is dying for some better talent and while not the freshest thing in the world, the Dudleys are certainly better than most other options.
The rest of the match was entertaining but my goodness Jeff was embarrassing out there. He can barely do any of his signature stuff without messing something up anymore and yet he’s still out there every single week doing the same spots over and over. Get him some help already before this becomes an even bigger problem than it already is.
Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.
Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble
Kidman is challenging after defeating Noble twice in the last two weeks. Noble tries a rollup for the fast pin before stomping Kidman down to really take over. A neckbreaker sets up a bow and arrow as Nidia is her usual VERY excited self. Jamie dives into a dropkick as the announcers talk about the tables match. A Hoshi Geroshi (or however you spell the fireman’s carry into a backbreaker) gets two on the champ, followed by a good looking placha to the floor.
Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.
Rating: C+. Some selling issues aside, this was a good, back and forth match with both guys looking strong. The problem is the division has fallen into the same pattern it always has: the champion and one challenger comprise the entire thing and that doesn’t exactly have staying power. The match was good though and Kidman winning the title is fine.
Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit get into it again but Angle insists that they’re amigos. Another long form hug ensues.
Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.
We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
Trish is defending and this is a hardcore match. Victoria wastes no time and puller her down by the coat before grabbing a broom. JR asks if she’s going to fly it and suggests Victoria is un-Divaesque. That’s probably an unintentional compliment. A trashcan lid gets knocked into the champ’s face and Victoria sends her into the steps. Victoria sets up a trashcan in the corner (with the hole facing the ring), only to have Trish catapult her hands first into said can (that looked horrible and no camera edit was going to save it).
A kick to the head gives Trish two and one heck of a trashcan lid shot knocks Victoria (and her bloody nose) to the floor. The Chick Kick gets two and a HORRIBLE bulldog out of the corner (Victoria’s head hit Trish’s ribs) is good for the same. Victoria blinds her with a fire extinguisher though and a snap suplex of all things gives us a new champion.
Rating: B-. Botches aside, this is a situation where the energy carries the match. They were beating the heck out of each other and you could feel the intensity. The botches and the ending really hold it down but it’s still one of the best women’s matches you’ll see around this time. I know there are still some major issues with the women of this era but this was miles ahead of most things you would see from them at this time.
Eric Bischoff is bragging about the Chamber when Big Show comes up. He’s going to prove Eric wrong for trading him.
Paul Heyman is nervous but says Brock needs to put it all behind him. Tonight they’re in MSG and Heyman is going to do whatever it takes to make sure his client leaves as champion.
Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
Lesnar is defending and the fans are entirely behind him. Brock gets right in his face but gets tossed into the corner. That earns show a double leg takedown and there’s a belly to back suplex on Show. A German suplex follows and Heyman looks nervous. The ref gets bumped but Lesnar belly to bellies Show anyway. Heyman slides in a chair and Brock cracks Show in the head with it, setting up the F5. Another referee comes down but Heyman pulls him out at two. Reality sets in as the chase is on but Show chairs Lesnar in the bad ribs. A chokeslam onto the chair gives Lesnar his first pinfall loss.
Rating: C-. They did everything they could here and thankfully it was really short. Aside from the obvious, I still have a major problem with the story: why did Heyman go through with the screwjob? Lesnar proved him wrong by suplexing and F5ing Big Show but Heyman turned on him anyway. Wouldn’t it make more sense to stick with the more dominant force when you still have Lesnar to protect you? I’d assume it’s because of Heyman and Lesnar’s issues but Heyman has been able to talk Lesnar down before. It’s far from the worst stretch ever but I’m still not sure it makes the most sense.
Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.
We recap the Smackdown Tag Team Title match. All three teams have traded the titles for over a month now with one classic match after another. The only possible option was a triple threat match and Stephanie McMahon has made it an elimination match for even more fun. This is the real Smackdown main event and they’ve certainly earned that honor with everything they’ve done so far.
Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio
Edge and Mysterio are defending and Angle/Benoit still can’t get along. Benoit and Mysterio start things off with Chris going head first into the buckle. Edge, in some shiny tights, comes in to drop Angle with a forearm. It’s back to Rey for a springboard splash on Chavo as they’re tagging very quickly here. Eddie comes in to a very noticeable pop and keeps Rey in trouble with some forearms to the back.
The fast tags continue as Angle comes in and goes shoulder first into the post. He’s still able to knock Rey off the top though and the champs stay in trouble. Benoit stays on Mysterio with some rapid fire suplexes as Los Guerreros are (wisely) content with staying on the floor. The Angle Slam doesn’t work so Kurt clotheslines Rey’s head off for two instead. We hit a long front facelock until Rey fights up for a spinwheel kick to the jaw. That’s enough for the hot tag to Edge as everything breaks down.
Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the floor, leaving Edge to get caught in an ankle lock/Crossface combination. Somehow he doesn’t tap out immediately so it’s Rey making the save, followed by a running corkscrew dive onto Chavo and Angle. Benoit grabs the German suplex on Edge, only to have Eddie come in off the top with a sunset flip to send both guys flying. Everyone gets up so Benoit sends Eddie outside, followed by the rolling German suplexes on Edge. Those things always look great.
Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.
We settle down to Eddie grabbing a sleeper on Edge, followed by a front facelock in case that’s too intense for you. Edge flapjacks both Guerreros and brings Rey back in as this isn’t exactly the break neck pace you would expect. Everything breaks down again and the pop up hurricanrana gets two on Eddie. That would look to set up the West Coast Pop but Chavo gets in a belt shot, knocking Rey into the Lasso From El Paso for the submission and the titles.
Rating: B. This wasn’t as good as I remember but I think that’s because I just recently watched all the TV matches, which were almost all better. This had too much to live up to and there’s only so much you can do when you’re asked to go out and have a masterpiece. The belt shots didn’t do much to help either as they’re hardly anything interesting and you expect more from these guys.
It’s still a good match and the best thing on the show by far though and it deserves a bit more than just criticism. Some of the sequences were excellent and showed some creativity, along with Benoit and Angle suplexing everything in sight. If this was one of the matches that took place on TV, it would be considered a classic. Some more time would have helped as well.
Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say he’s smarter than the rest of the crowd. After some lame New York Yankees jokes, Matt Hardy (who keeps the temperature at a toasty 75 degrees and only drinks low fat chocolate milk) comes out to say this place is sucking the Mattitude out of him. The payoff is Scott Steiner, who shows up and destroys both guys because we haven’t seen Matt get beaten up recently.
Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.
Long video on the Elimination Chamber which doesn’t really tell us anything. Granted that’s because there isn’t a story here. Basically Bischoff wanted to top Stephanie’s pay per view and invented the Chamber. They’ve made no secret of the fact that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.
HHH says he’s gone through everyone so he’ll go through everyone tonight too.
Bischoff comes out to walk through the Chamber and explain the rules. This time really couldn’t have gone to the Tag Team Title match? Just put it on a graphic or something…..which they do while Bischoff is still talking.
Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam
HHH is defending. Saliva, at the World, plays Jericho’s music for a cool bit. As the entrances go on forever, it occurs to me how much Shawn’s hair looks like AJ Styles’ soccer mom look. HHH and Van Dam start things off with Rob going straight to the kicks. A backdrop puts HHH onto the steel floor and he hits the cage wall three times in a row. The champ is busted open and Van Dam monkey flips him onto the cage again.
Rolling Thunder over the top makes things even worse as it’s all Van Dam so far. Rob climbs up on top of Jericho’s chamber and gets his legs pulled down into it. Somehow that’s still not enough for HHH to do anything as Rob flips down onto HHH. See? He’s giving Van Dam a rub right now!
Jericho is in third but gets kicked down almost immediately as Rob stays on a roll. In your first ever Chamber highlight reel moment, Jericho catapults Van Dam at the cage wall and Rob just hangs onto it instead of crashing. HHH gets back up and knees Van Dam in the head, meaning it’s time for the double teaming to begin. Rob kicks them both down again and it’s Booker T in fourth to even things up, despite Van Dam doing just fine on his own.
Jericho and HHH are sent to the floor so we can get a Spinarooni, followed by a slugout with Van Dam. The good guys clean house again and it’s HHH getting knocked down, allowing Rob to climb an individual chamber. That means a Five Star, with his knee going right into HHH’s throat which put him out of action for a few weeks. Van Dam seems to have hurt his knee as well, allowing Booker to eliminate him with a missile dropkick. HHH can barely move so here’s Kane to get us back to four.
Jericho is launched through the bulletproof (yes bulletproof) glass to draw some more blood. Chris is fine enough to hit Booker low, followed by a chokeslam and the Lionsault to get rid of Booker. Now that the two guys who have been more over than the entire roster for the last three months are gone, let’s get on with the REAL entertainment.
Jericho and Kane slowly fight until HHH is slammed off the top. Shawn, looking like he’s wrestled one match in four and a half years and in hideous brown tights for some reason, comes in and gets to clean house for a bit. Kane chokeslams everyone but eats a superkick, Pedigree and Lionsault to get us down to three. Jericho and HHH team up on Shawn with HHH rubbing his head against the steel to bust Shawn open. A ram into the wall gives Shawn an opening and he forearms HHH, only to get bulldogged down.
The Lionsault gets two and Jericho is so frustrated that he gets caught in the Walls. HHH makes the save with a DDT but gets in a fight with Jericho over who can pin Shawn. Jericho grabs the Walls on HHH but gets superkicked for the elimination. As anyone paying attention expected, we’re down to HHH vs. Shawn with a spinebuster going straight for the bad back.
Shawn gets thrown through the glass as we really crank up the emotions. The slow beating continues with Shawn being thrown outside again, only to catapult HHH into the wall. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets no cover and HHH grabs the Pedigree for a delayed two. Another Pedigree attempt is countered and Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the pin and the title.
Rating: B. I’m still not sure what to think of this match. Above all else, it’s long, far longer than it needed to be. The Chamber itself did help and was interesting to see but they need to tweak things a bit (lower the time to four minutes or so). It’s still good but there’s the other problem that it’s kind of hard to overcome: the whole thing felt like a big waste of time until we got to the ending.
That ending of course is Shawn vs. HHH and they might as well have just put up a big clock counting down until we got there. No one else mattered in this match and WWE did nothing to hide it. That makes for an ending similar to Wrestlemania XXXII with Roman Reigns vs. HHH: there’s no drama and it makes for a boring match because you’re just waiting to get to the part that matters.
While I still have issues about guys like Booker, Kane, Van Dam and Jericho being treated as second class citizens so HHH and Shawn can do it one more time (as in the second one more time), it’s not as bad as it once was. After watching the TV shows building up to this, it’s not like this was exactly shocking and the four of them were hardly made to look like real threats to take the title. That doesn’t make it any better but it does make things a bit easier to take.
Overall Rating: C+. This show is pretty much all over the place with good action (there really isn’t a bad match on the card) but sweet goodness some of the choices make your head spin. We really are watching a show in 2002 where Big Show and Shawn Michaels walked out with the World Titles. On top of that we had a less than mind blowing Tag Team Title match which was probably the highlight.
The big problem is that aside from the Chamber itself debuting, there really isn’t anything on here that feels big. Big Show winning was more groan inducing than anything else and Shawn winning felt like we were seeing the inevitable, though the celebration felt big. There’s nothing on here that’s going to really stick with you and that’s not good as the show is worth seeing for the action alone. Overall it’s good but really not remarkable, which is kind of an odd way to compliment a show.
Ratings Comparison
Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning
Original: B
2012 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: C+
Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble
Original: C+
2012 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: C+
Victoria vs. Trish Stratus
Original: C-
2012 Redo: B
2017 Redo: B-
Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
Original: D-
2012 Redo: D+
2017 Redo: C-
Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio
Original: B
2012 Redo: B+
2017 Redo: B
Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho
Original: B
2012 Redo: D+
2017 Redo: B
Overall Rating
Original: B-
2012 Redo: C+
2017 Redo: C+
I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Super Tuesday 2002: We Didn’t Forget About You Kane
Super Tuesday Date: November 12, 2002
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts/Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
This is a one off special that aired on UPN as a way to help hype up Survivor Series. Each show taped a bonus match so we have something from both sides, though odds are neither of them are going to be anything worth watching. As unimportant as these things are, there’s nothing wrong with some bonus wrestling. Let’s get to it.
The opening sequence is a fairly catchy mix of Beautiful People and Across the Nation.
Stephanie McMahon makes her big Survivor Series announcement: the Tag Team Title match is now a triple threat with Edge/Rey Mysterio defending against Los Guerreros and Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit. She’ll hang onto the titles tonight, which is code for “this was taped before Edge and Mysterio won but airing after.”
Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero
Ever the smart one, Eddie hides on the floor while Benoit stomps Edge down in the corner. Edge gets in a belly to back suplex for two on Benoit, drawing Eddie in for the save. All three are in the ring for the first time with Edge beating both of them down until Eddie gets in a shot from behind to take over again.
We take a break and come back with Benoit working over both guys, only to have Edge score with a double missile dropkick. Eddie misses the Frog splash and gets taken down by the half nelson faceplant, only to have Benoit Crossface Edge. That’s not enough for Benoit so he grabs the same thing on Eddie with Edge making the save.
A spear gets two on Benoit but here’s Chavo for a distraction, leading to a ref bump. Cue Rey to take Chavo out as Benoit Crossfaces Eddie for the unseen tap. Angle runs out and throws the referee in, breaking up the hold by mistake. Benoit yells at Angle and gets rolled up as Eddie steals the pin.
Rating: B-. Good but nowhere near as good of a match as you would expect from these guys. They’re all very talented but they’re a step higher up with their partners and there’s nothing wrong with that. Guerrero winning is a good idea as he and Chavo are the only ones who haven’t won the titles yet.
Long video on Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar.
Here’s Big Show for a chat. He talks about hurting people and promises to win the title. Show wasn’t even in the ring for 70 seconds.
Video on the Elimination Chamber, the same one from Raw.
It’s time for a bikini contest between Torrie Wilson and Trish Stratus. Trish is in black, Torrie is in skin colored and Nidia is in the ring to interfere before the crowd has to win (Torrie’s cheer was louder).
Time for the Raw half, starting with the Shawn vs. HHH video from Monday. Just like Monday, the other four people in the Chamber aren’t even mentioned.
Shawn doesn’t know who is winning on Sunday but knows it won’t be HHH.
HHH/Chris Jericho/Christian/3 Minute Warning vs. Booker T./Kane/Rob Van Dam/Bubba Ray Dudley/Jeff Hardy
Thankfully a commercial eats up a lot of the entrances. Jeff and Jamal get things going with Hardy being tossed around like he’s a small guy being tossed into the air by a large Samoan. Christian and Bubba come in with the Canadian taking a hard pounding in the corner. That means it’s back to Jamal vs. Van Dam as they’re certainly not wasting time here.
Rob dropkicks him down but HHH pulls Van Dam into the corner as the heels take over for the first time. Jericho gets in a few stomps but misses a dropkick, allowing the hot tag to Kane so house can be cleaned. Kane destroys everyone, leaving seven or eight people to fight on the floor.
Chris gets the Walls on Van Dam but Booker makes the save with a superkick. That triggers the parade of finishers with Kane chokeslamming HHH but Christian makes a save. Van Dam dives onto a bunch of people, leaving Flair to hit Kane in the back with a chair. The Pedigree puts the monster away because HHH hasn’t gotten rid of him yet.
Rating: D. This was dragged down due to the amount of people involved and there’s not much of a way to fit ten people into less than nine minutes. Oh but rest assured there’s ALWAYS time for HHH to pin someone. We didn’t really have another choice either as Kane isn’t Shawn and therefore there’s no reason to have him win because he doesn’t have a chance on Sunday.
Overall Rating: D+. Pretty big waste of time here with the main event being more insulting than anything else. The opener was fine and the women looked great but anything on here could have been done on TV. It wasn’t so much bad as much as it was completely unnecessary, which is often worse. At least it was short though and you could fast forward through a lot of the recap videos.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – November 11, 2002: Just the Two of Them
Monday Night Raw Date: November 11, 2002
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for Survivor Series 2002 and that means we’re in for a lot of talking about the Elimination Chamber. Why do I have a feeling that means we get to hear about HHH being amazing and being able to overcome the odds? I know the others are just window dressing around the HHH vs. Shawn match but would at least giving us a reason to believe something is possible be that much to ask? Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
HHH vs. Booker T. later tonight and Shawn is here as well.
Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Chris Jericho/Christian
Christian and Jericho, coming out to Saliva’s King of the World here, are defending. Van Dam and Jericho run the ropes to start with Rob scoring off a kick to the jaw and the standing moonsault. Kane comes in to a very nice pop and punches Jericho out of the air. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Kane chokeslamming Jericho but the referee is distracted, allowing Christian to get in a low blow. Can we please get a referee who isn’t a complete screwup for once? It’s amazing how only one or two ever have been able to get this stuff right.
Christian works Kane over for a bit until it’s off to Van Dam without too much trouble. Rolling Thunder gets two on Christian but Jericho offers a distraction, allowing Christian to shove Van Dam to the floor. Things settle back down with Jericho getting two off a belly to back and grabbing a chinlock. Jericho stops to dance and actually hits his running crotch attack to the back of the neck.
The champs try some double teaming with Van Dam clotheslining Christian, allowing the hot tag to Kane. Everything breaks down again and the top rope clothesline misses. The Canadians suplex Kane down but he pops up for a chokeslam on Christian. Jericho is right back up for a belt shot to the mask, leaving Van Dam to Five Star Christian for no cover. Kane rolls onto Christian but Jericho hits him with a chair for the DQ.
Rating: B-. This was getting really good near the end with the cheap ending to save everyone. Jericho attacking Kane before Sunday made sense but the Tag Team Title situation is still kind of a mess. Christian and Jericho are probably the best option they have but it would be nice to have some regular teams instead of just throwing people together for a change.
Jericho wears Kane out with the chair.
Post break, Jericho says he’s winning the match no matter what. Christian says he’s the official alternate for anyone who can’t make the match. Jericho chairs him down because no one is winning that match but him.
Video on HHH vs. Shawn Michaels because, again, Sunday is all about them.
Booker is warming up when Ace Reporter Gregory Helms comes in to ask about the Chamber. Booker has been doing more thinking than Abraham Lincoln because he’s ready to beat up HHH, you dig? Goldust comes in to talk about the size of his microphone and mentions that they’re teaming up tonight to face Test/Steven Richards. Goldust: “Beware of the testicles because they’re becoming stronger.” To clarify, he’s NOT talking about Test’s fans.
Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Storm
JR yells about Storm and Regal carrying their flags on Veterans Day. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s also the Canadian and UK’s Remembrance Days, making this day important to all countries. Jeff doesn’t even have a flag but JR doesn’t bother complaining about that. An early crucifix attempt is countered into a Regal roll for two on Hardy and a backbeaker is good for the same.
Jeff’s legdrop between the legs gets a fast two but Storm sends him hard into the corner to work on the back some more. Lance cranks on the arms but gets caught by a mule kick to the chest to start the real comeback. The Whisper in the Wind gets two and they seem to botch a whip so Jeff gets two off a rollup instead.
Hardy sends him to the floor where Regal offers some help. As you might expect, Jeff tries to run the barricade but manages to fall off, setting up a regular double clothesline instead. Somehow he mess THAT up too as he misses Regal and only grazes Storm. Tommy Dreamer runs out to take care of Regal, leaving Jeff to hit a reverse Twist of Fate and the Swanton for the pin.
Rating: D+. So that was a mess and I can’t imagine it can be blamed on anyone but Jeff and his dealer. While he would have worse matches than this later on, it was clear that Jeff didn’t need to be in the ring at this point. It wasn’t the worst match in the world but I’d be scared to see what would happen if Hardy was in there with someone less talented than Storm.
We look back at Victoria attacking Terri last week.
Eric Bischoff has made Terri vs. Victoria for tonight. Terri freaks out as you would expect but Victoria is in the ring calling her out for looking like Trish Stratus. Terri says she’s not a wrestler (well duh) but Eric says go wrestler or get fired. He brings up her daughter because he’s a good heel boss.
Post break, Terri comes out and tries to beg off because there’s nothing for Victoria to prove. Victoria lets her off from the match but beats her up anyway. Terri loses her top (of course) but hits Victoria with a shoe. That earns her a slam on the ramp and a whip into the steps. Charles Robinson tries to break it up and gets hit low, leaving Victoria to grab a ladder. Trish finally comes out for the save.
Batista is walking through the back when Ric Flair comes out of HHH’s locker room (no idea how Flair knew Batista was there) to say how impressive Batista is. Batista won’t shake his hand but does say thank you.
D’Lo Brown vs. Dave Batista
JR tries to convince us that Brown has a chance here as the big clothesline, spinebuster and Batista Bomb wrap this up in a hurry.
Thank you veterans.
Here’s Shawn for a chat. By now, everyone knows how he believes in his God, his family and in each and every one of them. The thing is he’s human, and that means he also believes in retribution. Shawn doesn’t know what an Elimination Chamber match is but he didn’t know what a ladder match, the Cell or a Marathon match was but they wound up going just fine. Well he lost the first two ladder matches, nearly died in the Cell and apparently can’t remember the name of the third so this might not be the best idea.
It was only four years off with a career ending back injury but hey, it could happen! He might not be the Heartbreak Kid anymore but he’s still Shawn Michaels and that might be enough. Shawn really doesn’t care about winning the World Heavyweight Championship. All that matters is making sure HHH doesn’t walk out with the belt. Shawn believes all things are possible and it’s possible that he’s the next champ. Cue HHH to say that in this arena, he’s god. The brawl is on and HHH leaves him laying with the Pedigree. Referees come out to break up the sledgehammer swing.
Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning
Jeff Hardy is here as there’s a six man tables match between Bubba/Spike/Jeff vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning on Sunday. Normally I would ask why Rico wasn’t facing Jeff earlier but Storm was the better option all Jeff issues considered. Bubba beats up both Samoans to start and Spike adds a top rope double stomp to Jamal’s ribs. A backdrop sends Spike to the floor for one heck of a crash. The slow beating sees Spike being sent outside but Bubba tags himself in on the way through the ropes. Bubba cleans house as Jeff beats up Rico. Jamal gives Bubba the pop up Samoan drop for the fast pin.
Jeff beats up all three bad guys but misses the Swanton as Rico is pulled to safety. Jamal splashes Jeff and Spike through the same table for a huge crash.
Scott Steiner video.
Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. Never mind of course as he’s just doing an experiment in crowd manipulation.
Al Snow vs. Christopher Nowinski
Snow charges the ring and Nowinski drops the mic for a rather loud noise. A headlock takes Chris down and a right hand to the jaw makes things even worse. Nowinski grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin.
Chris goes after him again post match but Maven makes the save.
Here’s Eric Bischoff for a chat. After a quick plug for tomorrow’s Super Tuesday special, we get a video on the making of the Chamber. Eric actually explains the concept and that’s about it.
F-View shows us Steven Richards trying to get Stacy to be his marketing agent too. In other words, he wants her to spank him with the kendo stick. Test does it instead and Stacy bends over for something but……RNN BREAKING NEWS!
Orton has suffered a setback in the form of a chaffed shoulder due to a bad sling. It’s been solved though and his recovery will be fine.
Trish says buy Anthology.
Hurricane/Goldust vs. Test/Steven Richards
Test beats on Hurricane to start before it’s off to Richards who takes a Blockbuster. Richards hits Test by mistake and the Eye of the Hurricane gets two. Everything breaks down and Test Rolls the Dice on Hurricane for the fast pin.
Richards hugs Stacy so Test beats him up. Test: “DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ONE OF MY TESTICLES!”
Booker tells HHH that he’ll win on Sunday. There are five opponents on Sunday and someone is beating HHH. The champ holds up five fingers and slowly counts them down. I think you get where this is going.
HHH vs. Booker T.
Non-title. Booker spinwheel kicks him down at the bell and scores with a suplex on the floor. That earns Booker a whip into the steps and the jumping knee/facebuster back inside. Naturally the announcers are talking about college football with JR getting overly annoyed. Booker elbows HHH in the face to set up the ax kick but has to slam Flair off the top. Flair gets kicked to the floor but it’s a low blow in the Pedigree to give HHH the pin.
Rating: D. And so much for Booker, just in case you thought he had the slightest chance of pulling off a miracle on Sunday. There was no reason to have him lose here other than to make sure you knew HHH was the star. Booker didn’t have to win but do a no contest or something other than having Booker lose like this. Then again he’s already lost all the credibility he could have had in the first place so this doesn’t exactly cripple him.
Shawn comes in to beat on HHH and Flair but all six Chamber participants come in for the brawl. Everyone hits everyone as this goes on WAY too long. Shawn eventually gives HHH a Pedigree but gets chaired by Jericho to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. This show managed to kill off the Elimination Chamber before the thing even debuts. WWE is making one thing very clear: HHH and Shawn Michaels are all that matter on Sunday and the other four are just window dressing. They really would have been better off doing a cage match or something like that but I guess Shawn isn’t ready to do that kind of thing yet. Either way, there’s no secret that the other four have no chance and WWE isn’t bothering to hide it.
The rest of the show continued to showcase how worthless most of Raw really is. We sat through a bunch of short, worthless matches that aren’t interesting and didn’t do anything to make me want to keep watching. Everything feels either sloppy or lethargic with nothing that would even remotely classify as a hot feud. When you factor in that it’s being compared to the recently amazing Smackdown, the show somehow feels even worse, if that’s possible.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – November 4, 2002: At Least It’s Wrestling
Monday Night Raw Date: November 4, 2002
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Please let it be better than October. I mean, I’m not sure it could possibly be much worse and the Elimination Chamber could certainly help things out a bit. If it gets Kane on to ANYTHING else, it’s a step in the right direction. Raw has been horrible lately and it all starts with the main event so hopefully that gets better. Let’s get to it.
Eric Bischoff is in his office and a hidden camera (which he said he was responsible for) shows him watching a tape of kissing Stephanie on Smackdown. He’s a good bit distraught, because of course he is.
Opening sequence.
Shawn Michaels arrives and is given a new shirt.
3 Minute Warning vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Jeff Hardy
Fallout from last week when Jamal and Rosey cost Bubba and Jeff the Tag Team Titles. It’s a brawl to start of course with Jeff being thrown into the air but turning into a dropkick to put Jamal down. A great looking Poetry in Motion over the top takes out Rico and the Samoans as we settle down with Bubba actually hitting the middle rope backsplash on Jamal. Of course the fans already want tables but have to settle for Jamal throwing Bubba down to take over.
Rosey comes in for a belly to belly but the Samoans bang heads (I’m not sure if that should hurt), allowing Bubba to get in a double clothesline. That’s enough for the hot tag to Jeff for the house cleaning. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Jamal and Rico tries to interfere, only to have Spike make the save. Spike and his bad ribs are dropped onto the barricade but Rosey takes What’s Up. Jamal comes back in and takes Poetry in Motion, only to have Rosey break up the Swanton. The Samoan drop puts Jeff away.
Rating: D. 3 Minute Warning is one of those teams who are great for run-ins but then they actually have to wrestle, which defeats the entire purpose. They’re just not that good in the ring and it’s not like they have a lot of teams to fight in the first place. Bubba and Jeff aren’t exactly interesting either and, again, D-Von is doing NOTHING on Smackdown right now.
Victoria is glad Ivory is on Raw and can’t wait to see Ivory destroy Trish tonight. Ivory thinks Victoria is a bit nuts.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory
Ivory is challenging and pops the champ in the jaw at the bell. The aggression continues as Victoria comes out to do commentary. Trish gets a kick to the head for two but gets taken down by…..I guess we’ll call it a spinebuster. Victoria hasn’t said a word and Ivory gets two off a gutwrench suplex. Back up and the Stratusphere gives the champ two as the announcers still can’t get anything out of Victoria. A middle rope shove to the back of the neck (called a bulldog and Trish landed a good second before Ivory) retains the title.
Rating: D-. As much as I enjoy Trish in something close to Kentucky blue, this was as sloppy of a women’s match as you’ll see not featuring Jackie Gayda. Ivory is one of the better workers of the previous era but the chemistry was WAY off here, making for a really bad outing here.
Victoria and Trish get in a fight on the stage.
F-View shows us Victoria beating up Terri with clothing being torn. I kind of like these better than just having….RNN BREAKING NEWS!
Orton’s shoulder is up to 32% mobility, up from last week’s 30%. Thank you for all the support.
….random camera crews all over the building.
Bischoff yells at the production guy who put a hidden camera in his office. My goodness they actually covered a plot hole. HHH and Ric Flair come in and want to know what Bischoff is going to do about Shawn. Before that can be explained, HHH wants to know why Bischoff has been treating him so badly since the rosters have been frozen (save for trades and Batista popping up of course). Apologetic sucking up ensues so Flair shows Eric the kiss tape again. HHH: “So I put on a mask to screw with Kane and you put on a mask to make out with my ex-wife?” Thankfully we cut away before that can go any further.
William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Tommy Dreamer/Al Snow
Storm’s pre-match speech is cut off by a Scott Steiner video. Dreamer still has his hat. JR brings up Snow vs. Dreamer in a Singapore cane match a few weeks ago and doesn’t know why they’re teaming together now. My guess is bad booking. Storm and Snow start things off with Al being sent into the corner where his leg is slammed into the apron. The USA chants start up as Regal keeps Snow in trouble with a leglock. Storm does the same as this is already dragging. Snow gets up and makes the hot tag so Dreamer can give Lance a Death Valley Driver. Not that it matters as Regal kicks him in the head so Storm can get the pin.
Rating: D. This wasn’t so much bad as much as it was incredibly boring. The tag division is such a worthless piece of junk right now as Regal and Storm, one of the better in-ring teams, are some of the least interesting people around. Dreamer and Storm are there for a nostalgia pop and there isn’t much of a future in that.
Shawn, in his new shirt, drinks coffee and looks for HHH.
Stacy Keibler tells Test about the success of the Testicles marketing plan but now he needs a haircut.
Dave Batista vs. Justin Credible
Two tosses, a Regal roll, a clothesline that obviously misses and the sitout powerbomb to the only reaction of the match for the pin on Justin.
HHH is tired of waiting on Shawn and goes to the ring to call him out.
Here’s HHH to call Shawn out because it’s the top of the second hour and we need star power. There’s no Shawn so HHH tells him to not accept the invitation to the Elimination Chamber. So it’s an offer and not a demand? Is there a waiting list? HHH goes on a rant about how there’s nothing anyone can do about him being champion. JR: “Well they could beat him.” Booker T. comes out instead of Shawn to say right now, HHH has bigger problems than Shawn.
HHH doesn’t care about the five WCW Titles because Booker can’t even hold his jock. Booker promises to take the title at Survivor Series and cuts the champ off to say HHH doesn’t run him. We even get a Don’t Hate the Player line, which actually makes sense here. Now it’s Chris Jericho to interrupt because he’s sick of hearing Booker say sucker. Chris Jericho IS NOT A SUCKER! Jericho rips on the Spinarooni which has nothing on the Chris Jericho Juke N Jive. Double teaming ensues but Kane comes out for the save, setting up tonight’s already announced main event.
Stacy sees Test’s haircut and swears it’s going to make the Testicles grow.
Test vs. Hurricane
It’s Test, but with short hair! He elbows Hurricane in the jaw and stomps away in the corner as Lawler tries to figure out the plural of Testicles. A powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana and Hurricane starts kicking at the leg. The Shining Wizard gets two on Test but the Blockbuster misses. Test can’t hit a big boot (not good when it’s his one move) so he settles for something like Cross Rhodes for the pin.
Rating: D. I know the idea here is to get Stacy out there in really small outfits and while that’s working fine, I don’t know if anyone was thinking another Test push was going to work. Then again their big idea is saying Testicles over and over again so I don’t think there’s a lot of thought going into this one.
Post match Test doesn’t want to do something so Stacy kisses him. Test: “I LOVE MY TESTICLES!”
Video on the Elimination Chamber, which is basically just blueprints of the design without telling us much else.
Chris Jericho video, set to Saliva’s King of My World.
Jericho loved the video and can’t wait for the Elimination Chamber. Christian says don’t worry about it because he’ll beat up Rob Van Dam so badly that Bischoff will have to put him in Van Dam’s spot. This turns into an argument over who is going to be champion.
F-View shows HHH telling Jericho to watch out for Shawn in the tag match. Not that it matters of course because Flair will be at ringside. The villains leave and Shawn is shown watching/listening in.
Christian vs. Rob Van Dam
Van Dam acknowledges the RVD chants and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start until Van Dam gets a spinning kick to the face to drop Christian. The moonsault from the apron misses, as does the spinning kick from the apron. Christian sends him hard into the steps and it’s time to mock the finger pointing, which is totally and completely original.
Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit as the announcers talk about Shawn. Van Dam fights up and hits his step over kick, followed by another spinning kick. A monkey flip into an awkward looking splash gives Rob two and a high crossbody gets the same. Rolling Thunder hits feet though (with Christian having to stretch his legs out for Rob to hit those) and Christian grabs a chair. Unfortunately so does the referee, allowing Rob to sweep the leg. The middle rope kick to the chest sets up the Five Star for the pin.
Rating: D+. This was a lot worse than you would expect as Rob seemed way off for some reason. Christian wasn’t quite used to singles wrestling here and wasn’t the best choice to carry Van Dam when he was this off. Then again it doesn’t really matter as Rob is clearly just a name on a list for the Chamber as he’s lost every bit of his momentum after Unforgiven.
Here’s Christopher Nowinski to talk about how awesome Harvard really is. He loves Boston but the town has gone downhill since he left. Chris goes after the local teams by saying Ted Williams, Larry Bird and Nomar “Garcia-whatever” are not great men. Cue Al Snow for a distraction so Maven can make his return and beat Chris down. I can’t wait for Tough Enough III to get going so these guys can stop getting so much TV time. I know it has to be done but that doesn’t mean this is interesting stuff. Actually, given some of the other options, this might be the best choice. Or maybe some 1993 WCW.
Goldust congratulates Kane on having Booker T., a fabulous man, as his tag team partner tonight. He even throws in a bit of advice: Kane should try some breathing exercises. This earns him a choke up against a wall until Booker comes in to save his buddy. Booker says HHH is messing with Kane by making up stories about having sex with a dead body. Booker: “WHO WOULD HAVE SEX WITH A DEAD BODY?” Goldust: “I was young and stupid!” Booker asks if Kane can dig it. He certainly can…….“SUCKA!”
Shawn is still here. Well when did anyone suggest he’d left?
HHH/Chris Jericho vs. Kane/Booker T.
Booker and Jericho get things going with Booker chopping away up against the ropes. A knee to the ribs cuts Booker off though and the World Champion graces us with his presence. Booker knocks him down and it’s off to Kane, sending HHH crawling back to Jericho. I get the idea here and I appreciate the effort but Kane has already lost every bit of his credibility and it really doesn’t work here.
Jericho gets in his middle rope dropkick for two and HHH makes it even worse with a chop block. The referee tries to keep Booker out and Jericho chairs Kane in the leg to give the villains a real target. Unfortunately that means a leglock because Flair hasn’t had the chance to teach HHH leg work yet.
Just to further hammer home the fact that HHH isn’t as good at this as he thinks he is, Jericho comes in and goes through Flair’s checklist of knee attacks and the match suddenly picks up. HHH puts on a Figure Four (right next to the ropes) but gets caught holding Jericho’s hand for the break. The knee doesn’t seem too bad though as Kane suplexes both villains down and makes the ice cold tag to Booker.
Everything breaks down with Booker firing off a variety of kicks, including one to knock Flair off the apron. The ax kick gets two on HHH with Jericho making the save. Kane makes a similar save as a top rope clothesline breaks up the Walls. Booker misses the missile dropkick but here’s Shawn with Sweet Chin Music on HHH to give Booker the cheap pin.
Rating: D+. The leg work didn’t go anywhere but at least they were trying something. Shawn interfering was the only possible ending and at least HHH gave up the pin to end the match. It’s certainly not a good match but they did something to help set up the title match, even though Booker has almost no chance to win the thing.
Shawn agrees to enter the Chamber to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. And somehow, that’s their best show in weeks. Above all else, we seem to have moved on from Katie Vick, which is an instant improvement. The main thing here is the focus shifting back to wrestling, which is the best thing that could have ever happened. This shock value stuff is crippling and while the HHH and Shawn Show isn’t must see TV, at least it’s watchable TV that won’t embarrass fans.
That being said, sweet goodness this show is still a wreck. The tag division has flown off a cliff, the women are doing what they can in the three minutes a week they’re allowed and the Tough Enough jazz isn’t making me want to watch the reality show (though I did back in the day). I was really not impressed here but it’s somehow going in a better direction. However, that direction is going to be gone when they can’t put six people in one match for the title and we need something else for the rest of them to fight about. It’s almost like that lone singles male champion thing might not be the best idea.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Main Event – March 30, 2017: The Slow Road to Wrestlemania
Main Event Date: March 30, 2017
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
It’s Wrestlemania week and there’s a good chance that you’ll never know it based on watching this show. If I had to guess, we’ll be seeing some nothing matches and a bunch of build towards the pay per view. In other words, it’s going to be Monday Night Raw all over again. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Alicia Fox vs. Dana Brooke
Dana is freshly face. Feeling out process to start with Fox running her over, only to get slammed for two. For some reason this makes the announcers suggest that Dana is cheating, even though she certainly didn’t. Fox’s northern lights suplex gets two and we’re off to the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Fox misses a boot in the corner and gets caught in a Samoan Driver for the pin at 4:09.
Rating: D+. Yeah fine. Dana is pretty much the same character as a heel or a face, which isn’t the best sign in the world. This was really just having Brooke shrug off Fox’s offense and hit her finish, though she has a good smile and the entrance works well enough. It’s clear that neither of these two are going near the title anytime soon and this didn’t seem to do much to help them.
From Raw.
Here are Rollins and HHH for the contract signing. HHH doesn’t get in yet because he has to tell Seth that the match is off if there’s violence before the match. Seth has to sit down and listen to what he has to give up or there’s no match. HHH explains the idea all over again and then blames the fans for putting Seth in jeopardy.
The boss doesn’t understand why people hate success so much. How dare HHH drive a nice car and live in a nice house? You have one life to live and there’s no point in holding back. HHH finally gets to a logical point by saying Seth doesn’t want to miss Wrestlemania twice in a row but if he walks in to Wrestlemania, he’s not walking out.
Seth says that’s the same nonsense he bought into three years ago but he’s not doing it now. He didn’t mind wrestling in front of 100 people for a hot dog and a handshake in the Philadelphia National Guard Armory because he loves this business. Seth loves this and it’s more than just a match at Wrestlemania. Rollins signs and the beating is on with HHH going after the knee. HHH loads up the crutch but gets caught by an enziguri and backdropped over the top.
Also from Raw.
Here’s Reigns for his big talk about Undertaker. He was in this building two years ago when he won the Royal Rumble and then went on to main event two straight Wrestlemanias. Roman, sounding rather heelish, doesn’t care what the people say and doesn’t care what Undertaker thinks: this is his building and this is his yard. The gong strikes and Undertaker is on screen in the graveyard.
We see him digging the grave, which is in a special part of the cemetery. At Wrestlemania, the Roman Empire will crumble and the ultimate thrill ride will be Reigns’ Last Ride. Reigns should live each day like its his last because at Wrestlemania, he will…….and there go the lights because Undertaker is in the ring. As he was saying, Reigns will rest in peace. The lights go dim again and Reigns isn’t phased.
Lince Dorado/Gran Metalik/Mustafa Ali vs. Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak
Nese runs Metalik over to start but Metalik starts using the ropes, including walking across them into a springboard armdrag. Ali comes in and gets sent hard to the floor as we take a break. Back with Gulak getting two off a hard clothesline before grabbing a one arm camel clutch. Ali pops back up with the rolling neckbreaker and there’s the hot tag to Dorado. A shooting star gets two on Nese and everything breaks down with Metalik getting in a big dive. Nese adds the inverted 450 for the pin on Gulak at 9:05.
Rating: C-. This was every run of the mill cruiserweight six man you’ve ever seen. Metalik had some good dives in there but there was nothing else of note in the whole thing. They really do just throw these people on TV and hope for the best. The match isn’t bad by any stretch but it’s completely uninteresting.
We’ll wrap it with this.
Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for the big closing segment. Lesnar is the extremist who is going to derail Goldberg’s ultimate thrill ride. The Universal Title is what matters most around here because it’s the one (Heyman: “There’s a number you’re familiar with at Wrestlemania.”) thing that matters more than anything else. Lesnar craves and lusts after that title but more than that he wants to destroy Goldberg.
While Goldberg may be the man, Lesnar is the Beast that will chew him up and spit him out at Wrestlemania. Now we need a reason to get people to buy the show (“Or buy a ticket off a secondary market because Wrestlemania is sold out. Thanks for the house Brock!”) so here it is: Goldberg is going to Suplex City! Lesnar doesn’t fear the spear because Goldberg can’t survive the F5. Here’s Goldberg to say the people are here to see us fight, meaning it’s a spear to Lesnar in the aisle. Lesnar is down on the floor as Goldberg poses to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Complete waste of forty five minutes here with recaps of segments that weren’t great in the first place and two nothing matches. Main Event is a show that has to put in some strong effort to get above being a nothing show and they certainly didn’t accomplish that here. Bad show and one of the weakest since I’ve been watching.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXXI: Everyone Talks About It But Rollins Did It
Wrestlemania XXXI Date: March 29, 2015
Location: Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
This is an interesting show as most people really weren’t looking forward to it. The card isn’t that bad on paper but the interest is still low. Reigns vs. Lesnar isn’t the most exciting main event and the idea of HHH vs. Sting as a regular match is borderline terrifying. The show has surprised me before though so let’s get to it.
The set is HUGE this year with a very wide stage and a big circle for the Titantron looking like a play button on the WWE Network. It’s another open air stadium and since it’s on the west coast, the sun is shining very brightly for a unique look.
Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. New Day
One fall to a finish. Kidd and Cesaro, with Kidd’s wife Natalya, are defending and it’s Kofi Kingston/Big E. (minus the Langston) for New Day with Xavier Woods in their corner. The Usos (in San Francisco 49ers colors) have Jimmy’s wife Naomi and Los Matadores still have El Torito. Cesaro and Kofi start fighting with Kingston scoring a quick dropkick but Diego tags himself in.
A ticked off Cesaro pulls Jey off the apron and whips him into the barricade, re-aggravating a shoulder injury and taking Jey out. Kofi monkey flips Diego for two and gets punched in the face as Jey is being taken to the back. Back to Cesaro for a chinlock before the Swing sends Kofi into Kidd’s dropkick. Kofi gets kicked into the corner so Jimmy can tag himself in for a superkick to Cesaro.
Kidd, Fernando, Big E. and Cesaro are all down in a corner and Jimmy nails the running Umaga hip attack to each one of them. Kofi dives onto Diego as any semblance of the tagging has been abandoned. Kidd springboards into a superkick from Jimmy, who charges into an uppercut from Cesaro. Big E. comes in and launches Kofi into a double knee to Cesaro’s chest for two.
Cesaro’s apron superplex takes Big E. down and Los Matadores add a powerbomb/Backstabber combo to Kofi with Kidd breaking up the pin. Kofi goes after Kidd on the floor but has to catch Torito, allowing Natalya to put the bull in a Sharpshooter to continue a stupid mini feud. Jimmy and Naomi dive onto Kidd, Kofi and Fernando. Back in and the Midnight Hour (Big Ending from Big E. (a powerslam drop) and a middle rope DDT from Kofi) plants Diego with Jimmy and Cesaro making stereo saves.
Fernando switches with Diego for a rollup on Big E. but the referee says he’s not legal. If that’s true, I want to buy that referee a ham sandwich. Big E. picks up Diego and Kidd at the same time but Jimmy breaks it up with a superkick. Kidd eats Trouble in Paradise but Cesaro uppercuts Kofi on top. Los Matadores go up top for a double superplex but Cesaro and Big E. make it a double Tower of Doom. JBL: “OH THE HUMANITY!” Jimmy adds a Superfly splash to Big E. but Cesaro steals the pin at retain at 9:58.
Rating: B. Total and complete insanity here (described as a car wreck by the commentators) which was all it needed to be. They didn’t go with a copy of last year’s match, even though a lot of the participants were the same. Kidd and Cesaro were really clicking as a team and the division as a whole was looking up until Kidd’s injury in June.
Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Adam Rose, Alex Riley, Big E., Big Show, Bo Dallas, Cesaro, Curtis Axel, Damien Mizdow, Darren Young, Diego, Erick Rowan, Fandango, Fernando, Goldust, Heath Slater, Hideo Itami, Jack Swagger, Jimmy Uso, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Konnor, Mark Henry, Ryback, Sin Cara, The Miz, Titus O’Neil, Tyson Kidd, Viktor, Xavier Woods, Zack Ryder
Rose loves to party, Riley is back from injury, Axel is dressed like Hulk Hogan in a gimmick called Axelmania after he was never officially eliminated from the 2015 Royal Rumble, Dallas is a self-obsessed motivational speaker, Mizdow is Sandow copying the Miz as his stunt double (and becoming incredibly popular due to how hard he’s worked at the character), Itami is an NXT guy who won a tournament for this spot and Konnor and Viktor are a power team called the Ascension. The seven people from the opening match are surprise additions to this.
Axel breaks up the brawling to start so he can rip off his shirt, earning himself an elimination from the masses. Everyone keeps fighting until Rose and Fandango eliminate each other. Miz and Mizdow double team Riley and get rid of him with Miz taking the credit. Dallas eliminates Ryder, takes a victory lap, and then gets kicked out by Itami. The fans are way into him so here’s Big Show to eliminate Itami before anyone gets too excited.
Kane gets rid of Los Matadores at the same time and Cesaro does the same to Rose. Henry throws out Kidd but the ring is still WAY too full. Ascension gets rid of Henry and knocks Show down in a stupid move. Ryback dumps Ascension for their brilliance, followed by Young and Slater a few seconds after. Titus goes out too and it’s all Ryback, so Big Show is RIGHT THERE to cut him off.
Show clotheslines Swagger out and takes out all three members of New Day from the apron. You WILL respect Big Show and his amazing strength whether you like it or not. We’re down to Show, Rowan, Uso, Ryback, Cesaro, Goldust, Miz, Mizdow and Kane. The fans are behind Mizdow as Show dumps Rowan.
Ryback gets rid of Goldust but Kane saves Big Show for no logical reason. Miz and Mizdow take a double chokeslam from Kane, who is quickly slammed out by Cesaro. Show dumps Jimmy but gets picked up by Cesaro again, only to escape and dump Cesaro with ease. Ryback grabs a spinebuster on Show and is eliminated for trying to get any momentum.
It’s Miz, Mizdow and Show for the final three but Mizdow FINALLY stands up to Miz and tells him to go do it himself. Miz gets annoyed and yells at him for about a minute as Show just stands back and watch. Mizdow snaps and eliminates Miz and gets to fight Big Show on his own. Some clotheslines have the giant in trouble and Mizdow low bridges him halfway out. Show gets back up and shrugs off a front facelock before easily eliminating Mizdow at 18:08.
Rating: D. So yeah, all hail Big Show, may his name forever be praised, because he’s big and strong and bald and was here back in 1999 so we must give him a win. On top of that, they were trying to push the idea that Big Show had never won a battle royal, ignoring the one he won on Smackdown in 2014 and the one he won on Raw in 2006.
Instead of using this to make Mizdow into someone important, they went with Big Show because he just hasn’t won anything important in a long time. This was it for Mizdow as he would lose the big showdown with Miz less than a month later and pretty much disappear. Big Show on the other hand would do exactly the same thing he’s done for about the last ten years: be treated like a monster and then lose to someone new. Except here of course because Mizdow winning would have been stupid.
Aloe Blacc sings America the Beautiful.
The opening video is hosted by LL Cool J and talks about how entertainment has evolved with everyone being connected. The one thing that has stayed the same though is us as we’ve watched moment after moment in the history of Wrestlemania. That generation at the beginning created what we see today and connects us all together. Tonight, these men and women will take the biggest stage and connect us all. This is Wrestlemania. Cool stuff here and it worked very well.
Intercontinental Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Luke Harper vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose
Ladder match and Barrett is defending after issuing a challenge for a bunch of people to fight him. Stardust is Cody Rhodes as an even freakier version of Goldust. Truth is scared of heights and is going to have some issues in this one. It’s a huge brawl to start and Ambrose takes Harper down with a suicide dive. Stardust jumps off the middle rope and lands on a bunch of people (the Falling Star), leaving Harper to dive on everyone but Ambrose.
Dean climbs a ladder and dives on the other six to put all seven of them down. Truth is the first one back in but he can’t bring himself to climb. It’s Barrett with the save but Bryan dropkicks a ladder into him before whipping Stardust into the ladder to crush Barrett even more. The momentum is stopped as Harper throws the ladder at Bryan but he’s able to tie Harper upside down in the ladder for the YES Kicks.
That earns Bryan a superkick from Ziggler and it’s Dean and Dolph going for a climb. Barrett joins them but Stardust takes out the ladder to put everyone down. The fans chant CODY to freak Stardust out so he throws a ladder at Harper. Stardust goes outside and pulls out his own ladder called the, and I quote, Exo-Atmospheric Starbird. In other words, it’s a ladder covered in glitter.
Barrett will have none of that and breaks a rung off to give Stardust a beating. Dean throws the glitter ladder at Barrett and the glitter falls all over the ring. Now it’s time to bring in two small ladders so Harper and Ambrose can have a duel, capped off by a boot to Dean’s face. Harper lays a smaller ladder on the top rope and rams Dean into it face first. The ladder around Luke’s head takes some people out but Truth drop toeholds Harper down, sending him into the ladder.
Truth sets up the big ladder but Stardust goes for the climb, only to get superplexed back down by Barrett. Bryan, Ziggler and Ambrose go up top until Dean drops down and shoves the ladder over. Dean goes up until Harper powerbombs him off the ladder and through a ladder bridged between the barricade and ring. Ziggler tries a sleeper on Harper as he climbs, followed by the Zig Zag to bring them crashing down.
Somehow Dolph is able to climb up, only to have Barrett pull him down into the Bull Hammer. Another one knocks Truth off but Bryan makes a quick climb and kicks Barrett down. Barrett is right back up though and makes a save, followed by a quick running knee from Bryan, allowing him to climb up, headbutt Ziggler off and win the title at 13:55.
Rating: B. Giving Bryan a title (the fifth different one he’s fought for in five years) is a good idea as it lets the fans get it out of their system with a feel good moment. If he hadn’t won here, the fans would have probably hijacked the show with their DANIEL BRYAN chants because if Bryan isn’t the featured attraction, there’s no way they can possibly enjoy the show. Some fans. Anyway, this was exactly what the match should have been: Money in the Bank but for a title. Unfortunately Bryan would get hurt again and be out of action in less than a month, putting him on the shelf indefinitely.
We recap Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton. Rollins broke up the Shield last year and became the Authority’s young ace, which ticked Orton off. This led to a feud with Rollins putting Orton on the shelf (meaning onto a movie set) with a Curb Stomp onto some steps. Then Orton returned and rejoined the Authority for a few weeks, only to turn on them again and attack Rollins to set this up. After all that stupid, they went with a simpler idea: Orton as the original future of the WWE vs. Rollins as the new future.
Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton
Rollins is Mr. Money in the Bank and has Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble as his personal stooges. Seth starts by flipping away from Orton, only to eat a dropkick and bail to the floor from the threat of an RKO. Back in and a big clothesline looks to set up the RKO again but the Stooges offer a distraction to break it up. Orton deals with them early off a double elevated DDT from the apron.
The distraction lets Seth get in his first offense though and Orton is in trouble. A snap suplex gets two and we’re in the chinlock on Orton. Back up and Orton grabs a powerslam, followed by a t-bone suplex to send Rollins to the apron. As luck would have it, he’s in position for the elevated DDT but Seth pops up with an enziguri, followed by an Asai moonsault to put both guys on the floor.
Back in and Randy can’t get a superplex but he’ll settle for a top rope backdrop and a high cross body, only to have Seth roll through for two. A low superkick staggers Orton and Seth tries standing Sliced Bread #2, only to get caught in the RKO for a very close two. That’s a move you don’t see kicked out of very often. The Stooges break up the Punt to keep this PG, allowing Rollins to hit the Curb Stomp for two. Seth tries it again but this time Orton launches him into the air and catches him in the RKO for the pin at 13:15.
Rating: B. Good but not great here with the near falls off the false finishes not having the best heat in the world. That ending is more than worth it though and looked awesome with Orton being able to catch that thing from almost anywhere. Orton is the kind of guy that you can throw in there whenever you need a spot like this and the fans are going to freak out over the RKO every time, especially when it’s something like that. Good stuff.
Ronda Rousey is here.
We recap HHH vs. Sting, which started back at Survivor Series but Sting disappeared for a few months, as is his custom. Sting stood up against the Authority’s corruption so the Authority talked down to him for never being in the big pond before, because WCW’s legacy exists for WWE to stomp on it and beat their chest over the battle that ended fourteen years ago. This turned into a big thing about the Monday Night Wars with Sting being the last soldier from WCW that had to be vanquished.
As a side note, here’s a great example of why Stephanie gets on people’s nerves. On one of the last shows before this match, Sting came out to say that this shouldn’t be about the Monday Night Wars because that would be totally ridiculous. This brought out Stephanie, to insist that it WAS about the Monday Night Wars and barely letting Sting get in another word, because she had spoken and that’s all that mattered.
HHH vs. Sting
No DQ or countout. Sting is played to the ring by some kind of Japanese band with drums and a gong. As you might expect, HHH completely upstages him with a full on Terminator commercial with the robots rising from the stage, a clip from the movie, HHH dressed as a Terminator and Arnold Schwarzenegger himself appearing on screen for the introduction. It might be time to call in Robocop.
They lock up after forty five seconds and a shoulder drops HHH for more stalling. A hiptoss and dropkick put HHH in the corner and Sting is looking better than he has in years. Fans: “YOU STILL GOT IT!” HHH’s right hands and facebuster have little effect as Sting goes for the Scorpion Deathlock (basically a Sharpshooter), sending HHH bailing to the floor. HHH comes back in but gets whipped over the corner as this has been one sided for the first five minutes.
Sting goes to the floor though and the Stinger Splash hits the barricade by mistake, as it’s done all but roughly twice in his career. Back in and HHH whips him across the ring several times until Sting collapses. We hit the chinlock to slow things down again before HHH goes to the middle rope for some reason. He dives into the Scorpion and here’s DX (X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws) for the save.
Sting fights them off with ease and backdrops HHH onto them, setting up a dive off the top (remember that Sting is 56 here) to take them all out. Back in and a Pedigree gets two so HHH gets the sledgehammer (one of at least two under the ring). This brings out the NWO (Hall, Nash and Hogan) to save Sting (SO much wrong with that statement, not even counting trying to remember if the Kliq exists in storylines or not). They take their sweet time and eventually clean house, allowing Sting to hit the Scorpion Death Drop (reverse DDT) for two.
Now the Deathlock goes on and Hogan pulls the sledgehammer away. Gunn takes Nash down and Nash is holding his leg in what almost has to be a rib. Sting tries to put the hold back on but Shawn Michaels runs in for Sweet Chin Music (well the area a few inches in front of the chin that is). HHH only gets two and both guys are done. Shawn hands HHH the hammer but Hall gives Sting a bat for the awesome duel. HHH’s hammer is broken over the bat and Sting pounds away in the corner, only to dive into the sledgehammer to the face for the pin at 18:35.
Rating: B-. This was a blast until the ending which I really didn’t want to see. Of course the quality here was bad but they were never going to get a good match out there so why not just go for the big circus act? I know the logic is that you can’t have Sting come in and beat HHH because he was WCW, but again, IT WAS FOURTEEN YEARS AGO.
Why does anything about the other company matter anymore? Sting came in as a big, fun moment and then it’s HAHA HHH WINS AGAIN! To be fair though, this was his first Wrestlemania win in five years so it’s not like it happens often. Still though, fun stuff but the ending was a punch to the stomach.
Post match HHH shakes Sting’s hand. As in the guy he hit in the face with a hammer two minutes ago. This doesn’t make any sense as HHH is still the corrupt villain, meaning Sting’s original mission should be ongoing. Forget all that though as this was one more rehash of the Monday Night Wars because people still care about that.
Ads for new shows coming to the WWE Network, including the new Divas Search.
Maria Menunos, in a Bushwhackers shirt, brings in Daniel Bryan. First ever Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson comes in to congratulate him, as do Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair (of course) and Bret Hart, who starts a YES chant. Ron Simmons comes in and scares them all before hitting his catchphrase.
Skylar Grey, Kid Ink and Travis Barker perform the theme songs. Thankfully it wasn’t a full on medley.
AJ Lee/Paige vs. Bella Twins
Real people vs. reality stars (from Total Divas), even though Paige had already become a cast member. Nikki is Divas Champion and in the middle of her reign of doom. Paige debuted at the Raw after Wrestlemania last year and has formed a dream team with AJ to take on the sisters.
Nikki and Paige have a catfight to start with the champ getting the better of it and knocking AJ off the apron. An Alabama Slam gets two on off an Alabama Slam. Brie comes in with a middle rope missile dropkick as the announcers debate the importance of the women not on Total Divas. AJ gets knocked off the apron again and Brie’s running knee to Paige gets two.
Back to Nikki who drops AJ for the third time, followed by the Rack Attack for two on Paige. They’re even kicking out of the finishers in midcard matches now. Paige superkicks Nikki down and both Bellas wind up on the floor, setting up Paige’s flip dive off the apron. The hot tag FINALLY brings in AJ who is quickly slammed down for two but Brie has to save Nikki from the Black Widow. Nikki forearms AJ for two more, only to get caught in the Black Widow for the submission at 6:42.
Rating: C-. This was a handicap match for the first half with Paige cleaning house, which was made even weirder when AJ came in anyway. Not that it mattered though as the Bellas were going to be pushed as the stars as long as they wanted to because of that stupid reality show. In theory this should have set up AJ as the next challenger but she retired later in the week and left the company for good.
We get a tale of the tape for Lesnar vs. Reigns, which Cole says is the result of a computer analysis. The stats include height, weight and career accomplishments. Did this computer analysis take place in the Korean War?
Hall of Fame video, with highlights of Lanny Poffo reading a poem to induct his brother Randy Savage and Connor Michalek receiving the first Warrior Award.
The Class of 2015 includes Rikishi, Larry Zbyszko (mainly famous in the 80s), Alundra Blayze, Connor Michalek, the Bushwhackers (with Butch on crutches but still doing the strut), Tatsumi Fujinami (a legendary Japanese wrestler), Randy Savage (represented by his brother), Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kevin Nash (for the required Kliq member, though I wonder why he can go in under his real name and not Hall).
We recap John Cena vs. Rusev for the US Title. Rusev, an evil Bulgarian/Russian, won the title late last year and is undefeated. He’s run through all kinds of American stars and even beat Cena via knockout at Fast Lane 2015. Tonight is the big rematch (as granted by Rusev’s manager Lana to plant the seeds for their split) and showdown for the title. This is one of those stories that worked for years and is still working now because it’s such a simple idea.
US Title: Rusev vs. John Cena
Cena is challenging. Rusev’s entrance trumps everything tonight as the Russian military accompanies Lana to the ring before Rusev rolls out IN A TANK. This is so Rocky IV. Cena has a video montage of Presidents of the United States talking about American exceptionalism until Cena walks out. The fans do the always awesome JOHN CENA SUCKS chant to the tune of his music.
The champ spinwheel kicks the American down to start and dives at Cena for a gutwrench suplex (from Rusev in a cool move) for two. A Cannonball in the corner gets the same but Rusev stops to wave the Russian flag. You don’t do that to a real American so Cena kicks him in the face and starts his way too early finishing sequence. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the fans are too busy cheering for Lana to care.
The AA is broken up and a jumping superkick drops Cena cold. Rusev argues with the referee though and Cena hooks a tornado DDT for two more. A quick Alabama Slam (that’s how you do it Nikki) looks to set up the Accolade (Rusev’s camel clutch finisher) but Cena pulls him down into the STF. As Cena does some of the loudest instructing I’ve ever heard (telling Rusev to keep his head up), Lana throws in a shoe for a distraction so Rusev can make the ropes. Seriously, a shoe? You couldn’t like, go yell at him or something? At least it was rather heelish.
Rusev throws him down with a fall away slam, followed by a top rope headbutt of all things for two. He can’t quite get the Accolade though, allowing Cena to kick him away and debut the springboard Stunner for two of his own. Another jumping superkick and a wheelbarrow slam set up the Accolade and the fans are THRILLED. This time Cena powers out and grabs the STF. Lana offers another distraction but Rusev rams into her by mistake, setting up the AA to give Cena the title at 14:43.
Rating: C+. It’s cool to see Cena drop down the card like this as he’s been in the main event for so long now that it’s hard to get into seeing him win the World Title again. The match was good enough even if there was an obvious ending but the Accolade could have stayed on longer. Rusev was built up to lose at a match like this and there’s nothing wrong with that. It would have been interesting to see Rusev escape again here though and have Cena chase him over the summer.
Rusev blames Lana for the loss.
Wrestlemania XXXII is in Dallas.
The pre-show panel talks about the Tag Team Title match and Big Show winning the battle royal. Thanks for reminding me.
Here are HHH and Stephanie to brag about the new attendance record and desperately fill in some time as we have two matches left and nearly an hour and a half to go. Stephanie talks about watching Wrestlemania I live and seeing her friend Andre the Giant (This was a thing for her around this time as she would mention this whenever she could. For some reason this was her justification for not letting Cena be in the Andre battle royal.).
Wrestlemania has grown exponentially since then and it’s all because of the Authority’s leadership. HHH says it’s like he beat everyone here tonight, just like he beat Sting (Buy a ticket, get a hammer to the face!). They own everyone here because the Authority wins. That means they own the people and that means it’s time for the Rock. Cole says Rock has headlined five Wrestlemanias. Are they really still going with the idea that Rock vs. Hogan wasn’t the headliner?
The fans keep cheering until Stephanie asks them to be quiet because we get the idea. Rock tells Stephanie that she doesn’t own the people here, including himself because he was born right around here. As for HHH, he can either go dress up as the Terminator again or they can make a Wrestlemania moment right here and right now. HHH doesn’t seem interested so, just like Rock left his heart in San Francisco, HHH clearly left something back in Connecticut.
Stephanie gets in Rock’s face and says he knows there’s no Rock without the McMahons. Rock’s dad Rocky Johnson would be nowhere without Vince Sr., Vince Jr. and Stephanie. That starts a chant for Shane, which even Cole acknowledges. Rock says that Stephanie would be nowhere without Vince so she slaps him. Stephanie keeps ranting as Rock goes outside……and stands next to Ronda Rousey. Fans: “RONDA’S GONNA KILL YOU!” Rock introduces her to Stephanie but Stephanie says they’re friends already.
Stephanie KEEPS GOING and says this is her ring. Ronda says any ring she steps into is hers so Stephanie can make her leave. Stephanie smiles at her but Rousey gives her a look, which Rock sums up as meaning “she’s going to reach down your throat, pull out your insides and play jump rope with your Fallopian tubes.” HHH tries to interrupt and gets beaten down, including a hiptoss from Rousey. Stephanie loads up the slap but gets her arm bent back with as little force as possible, likely due to UFC contract stipulations. Rousey and Rock stand tall.
There’s no time to recap Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker but it’s what you would expect: Bray wants to be the new evil monster and Undertaker stands in his way. The interesting note here is Bray sprained the heck out of his ankle earlier in the day so he’s nowhere near 100%.
Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker
The awesome entrances continue (well as awesome as a guy holding a lantern when it’s still daylight can be) as Bray walks down the ramp and passes a string of zombies who come to life as he goes by. Undertaker has grown some hair back and looks like he did in 2002. Bray charges into a boot before the bell, though that might be all that ankle can handle for the match.
Some driving shoulders set up Old School (notice that Undertaker’s offense here keeps Bray from having to stand alone) but a running clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor. He lands on his feet though and pulls Bray out to keep up the beating. The apron legdrop staggers Bray even more but he breaks up the big boot with his running cross body. Bray takes his time pounding Undertaker down which makes sense coming from him.
The ankle is fine enough for a running splash in the corner but Bray drops down and puts on a chinlock. For someone as banged up as he is, this is a solid performance from Wyatt. Undertaker’s head is rammed into the post but Bray goes down and holds his ankle. I don’t know why they didn’t do a quick angle during the match to explain the injury. Back in and Bray can’t stand at first.
Undertaker grabs Hell’s Gate but Bray punches his way out before it goes on full. A release Rock Bottom sets up the backsplash for two on Undertaker. Sister Abigail is countered into a chokeslam followed by a Tombstone for two. These near falls are WAY past overdone so far tonight. Another Tombstone is countered into Sister Abigail to freak Bray out even more. Bray does his spider bridge up but Undertaker sits up and glares into Wyatt’s eyes, sending Bray wilting to the mat in a perfect reaction. Bray actually wins a slugout but Sister Abigail is countered into a second Tombstone to give Undertaker the pin at 15:06.
Rating: C+. This match told me a few things. First and foremost, last year’s match was so bad because of the injury. Undertaker looked like his old (emphasis on that word) self here and was nowhere near as off as he was last year. Unfortunately it also tells me that Bray isn’t going to move up the card any time soon.
With the Streak over there’s no real reason for Undertaker to win here, other than to give the fans a feel good moment. Bray was trying as hard as he could on one leg but he could only get so far. Finally, Undertaker is missing something now that the Streak is gone. 21-1 still sounds impressive but it’s just not the same.
Ad for Extreme Rules.
We recap Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. Brock has been unstoppable lately after squashing Cena to win the title at Summerslam 2014. Reigns won the Royal Rumble to earn the shot, despite being LOATHED by the crowd at this point. The idea became about him trying to honor his family’s history and legacy which worked to a degree, but no matter what they did, it was still Brock Lesnar on the other side and people wanted to see him massacre Reigns in every way he could think of.
The other problem for Reigns is he hasn’t really earned the spot. Aside from the Rumble, his only major win was last month over Daniel Bryan. This really wasn’t the strongest build in the world and is boiling down to Brock suplexes a lot and Reigns hits him a lot. Roman has been told he can’t beat Brock and his motivation is to prove him wrong. That’s the extent of his motivation and that’s not enough for the main event of Wrestlemania.
WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns
Brock is defending of course. We do the big match intros and Reigns is booed out of the building, following by the fans to quote Heyman’s intro along with him. Roman goes right at Brock to start but gets driven into the corner, setting up the first German suplex. Brock is already bleeding but he hits the F5 inside of thirty seconds. A release fisherman’s suplex sends Reigns flying but he elbows out of a German, drawing incredible booing from the crowd.
Brock no sells a clothesline and now the German sends Reigns across the ring again. Reigns smiles at Brock, earning himself a belly to back suplex and Brock debuting the “SUPLEX CITY” line. Right hands don’t bother Brock either as another German drops Reigns again. Roman keeps smiling so Brock breaks it up with a release German. The fans think this is awesome as Brock forearms Reigns off the apron and into the barricade. As he gets back in, Reigns scores with a knee to the ribs, followed by some kicks to the face but Brock catches a foot and knocks Reigns silly with a clothesline.
A belly to belly overhead brings Reigns back in over the top rope but Reigns shakes his head at Brock again. Another F5 gets two and now Brock take the gloves off. Some hard slaps put Reigns down but he tells Brock to bring it on. Another German earns him another bring it on so Brock gives him suplex number ten. The third F5 gets two more, putting Reigns past Undertaker last year. Brock takes Roman outside but Reigns posts him, drawing some real blood from Lesnar.
Back in and Brock is wobbly so Roman its two straight Superman Punches. That gets him to a knee but Reigns has to elbow out of another German. The third Superman Punch puts Brock down and there’s the spear. Brock is up though so a second spear gets a VERY close two. Heyman is on his knees praying as the fans are booing Roman even more. A fourth Superman Punch is countered into a fourth F5…….AND HERE COMES SETH ROLLINS TO CASH IN MONEY IN THE BANK!
WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
The Curb Stomp puts Brock down but Reigns has to spear Brock down to save Seth from an F5. Another Curb Stomp (and a whisper of “thank you so much” to Reigns) gives Seth the title at 16:43!
Rating: A-. They went in a TOTALLY different direction here and it was the best thing they possibly could have done. Reigns vs. Lesnar had little interest as a match but as a one sided war with Reigns giving it everything he had near the end, they turned it into one of the most dramatic spectacles you could find. They had me on the near fall after that second spear and I lost it when Rollins came out.
That ending was a stroke of brilliance as they didn’t want to job Lesnar but they didn’t want to give Reigns the title yet. Rollins had been the wrestler of the year in 2014 and it made much better sense to give him the credit that he deserved for it here. Great drama, great action, and a way better match that it had any right to be.
Fireworks and posing take us out.
Overall Rating: B+. I actually liked this show a lot more live, which probably had a lot to do with the expectations being so low coming in. With more time to think about it and the shock of the cash in being gone, it’s still a really strong show that FAR exceeded expectations. The main event was great and most of the other stuff was good. Aside from the main event there really isn’t a big blow away match though and that hurts things a bit.
The entire show was set up differently this year as there were very few backstage segments and the show was able to fly by otherwise. However, there was that big twenty plus minute segment with Rock/HHH/Stephanie and that’s what caused a big part of this show’s problem: it’s too long.
Counting the two hour pre-show and it’s nearly thirty minutes of wrestling, this show runs nearly six hours. It doesn’t matter if it’s the greatest show you’ve ever watched; that’s too long. There had to be something that could be cut in here (hint: it was the long part that didn’t involve a match), even though none of the matches broke twenty minutes. Between the big talking segment and the live performance, which still adds nothing to the show, there’s too much in here and it makes for a very long sit.
Overall though, this was a major surprise and a better show than it had any right to be. The low expectations helped it a lot, but this was looking like one of the worst Wrestlemanias in history and wound up being a lot of fun. Nothing on it really stands out above the rest (save for maybe the main event) so the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. Really fun show here.
Ratings Comparison
New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd
Original: C+
Redo: B
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Original: D+
Redo: D
Intercontinental Title Ladder Match
Original: B
Redo: B
Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton
Original: B
Redo: B
Sting vs. HHH
Original: B
Redo: B-
Paige/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins
Original: C+
Redo: C-
Rusev vs. John Cena
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker
Original: B
Redo: C+
Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar
Original: B+
Redo: A-
Overall Rating
Original: A
Redo: B+
Yeah the shock had a lot to do with it but there was good stuff throughout.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXX: Oh YES I Went There
Wrestlemania XXX Date: April 6, 2014
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 75,167
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
I haven’t watched this match since I saw it the day after seeing it live in the Superdome last year. This show received rave reviews at the time (including from me) and it’s going to be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Granted, given how this year’s Wrestlemania has been built up, anything is going to seem like a classic. Let’s get to it.
Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel
Under elimination rules and the Usos are defending as part of the TWO HOUR preshow. I remember when these things were thirty minutes but that’s the age we live in I guess. These entrances show you how many different paths people can take. Cesaro is in the same place but with a title, Los Matadores are in the exact same spot, the Usos are in the same match minus the belts, Ryback is rebuilding and Curtis Axel got to confront Hulk Hogan on the go home Raw for Wrestlemania. That last part still makes my head shake.
Axel and Jey get things going with the champ grabbing a headlock. The fans chant WE THE PEOPLE as JBL says Colter is the greatest war hero in Louisiana since Andrew “Stonewall” Jackson in 1814. History geeks around the world are shaking their heads (Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was a Civil War general who wasn’t born until 1824. JBL meant President Andrew “Not A Stonewall” Jackson) as Jey and Axel chop it out. The Real Americans bail to the floor to avoid a tag attempt and Axel drops Jey with a dropkick.
Off to Ryback for some hard shots but Diego tags himself in to go after Jey. The Usos make a tag and it’s Jimmy vs. Diego but they stop for an OLE! Fernando tags himself in for a dropkick to go with his cousin’s legsweep for two on Jimmy. Cesaro tags Jimmy for the biggest pop of the night so far (that might change) and hammers away before bringing in Swagger for a running clothesline. A springboard back elbow scores for Fernando and, amazingly enough, no one cares.
Both Real Americans are sent to the floor with Ryback and the Usos being thrown on top of them so Los Matadores can dive on everyone. Torito gets on the top but Axel grabs him from behind and throws him inside. Axel goes up but Los Matadores catch him in a double electric chair, allowing Torito to cross body him down onto the big pile for a crash. Back in and Swagger throws Diego off the top and puts on the Patriot Lock for the submission elimination.
Jimmy comes in and jack Jack’s jaw but he gets caught in the Patriot Lock as well, only to have Jimmy roll out in a hurry. Axel tags himself in and stomps on the champ before it’s off to Ryback for a delayed vertical. Axel and Ryback take turns on Jimmy in the corner until Ryback slaps on a chinlock. That goes nowhere until Jimmy fights up and makes the tag to Jey as house is cleaned. The running Umaga Attack staggers Axel but Jack breaks up a charge with a belly to belly.
Ryback plants Swagger with a spinebuster but Cesaro breaks up the Shell Shock. The Meat Hook is blocked by Swiss Death and the Neutralizer eliminates Ryback to send the fans into a frenzy. We’re down to the Usos vs. the Real Americans, which is pretty much what everyone was expecting in the first place. The Usos send them to the floor for a big double dive, leaving all four on the outside.
Back in and Cesaro gets two off a backbreaker to Jey but the Swing doesn’t work. Instead it’s off to Jimmy but Swagger comes in off a hot tag, only to have Jey hit a Whisper in the Wind for two. Swagger, with a bloody arm, blocks the running Umaga Attack with the Patriot Lock but Jimmy breaks it up with a superkick, only to walk into Swiss Death. Cesaro and Jimmy get tags but the Americans are whipped into each other, setting up a double superkick to Cesaro, followed by the double Superfly Splash to retain the titles.
Rating: B. This was the perfect way to open a show as the fans are now way into things. It’s a pretty meaningless match, proven if nothing else by how similar this year’s pre-show match will be. At the end of the day, that’s the benefit of a multi-team tag match: let the fans get fired up and have a great time while not wasting anything of note. It’s another reason I’m amazed by how little tag wrestling is used. You can use it for something like this but for some reason it’s almost never done.
Post match Swagger and Cesaro go at it with Jack putting on the Patriot Lock as Colter loses his mind. They break it up but Cesaro Swings him to blow the roof off the place again.
The opening video is set in the streets of New Orleans with a jazz band playing. There’s a great opening line of “A good time occurs when we forget what time it is, and man have we lost track of time.” Wrestlers fill up the streets for something like a Mardi Gras parade with shots of famous Wrestlemania entrances, such as Shawn at XII and Heenan/Andre at III, superimposed over the streets. It’s a REALLY cool video and fits the theme of how big a night this really is.
There’s something so amazing looking about the sea of people in the Superdome to watch the show.
We open big with the special host Hulk Hogan, which is really the only way to open a major anniversary Wrestlemania. First line: “Well let me tell you something brother!” Oh yeah he’s got us in the palm of his hand and he knows it. He was there at Wrestlemania I in Madison Square Garden but now it’s thirty years later at Wrestlemania XXX, right here in the Silverdome. I thought he flubbed that line on purpose and I still think it now. Think about it: how many times has that been referenced since, meaning people keep thinking of Hogan? There’s nothing wrong with it if it’s true but I’m almost certain he did it intentionally.
Hogan talks about how there are Wrestlemania moments and surprises, and you never know when one of those moments is going to happen…….CUE GLASS SHATTER! I’ve been to a lot of wrestling shows in my day and I’ve never freaked out more than hearing that sound. That was the moment when you knew you were in for something very, very special that night.
Austin hits all four corners and you can tell he’s fired up to be here. He says it’s good to be back here at the Silverdome and asks if the fans want to see him open a can on Hogan. They were sitting next to each other at the Hall of Fame and Austin has seen every thing Hogan has done over the years, from Wrestlemania I (WHAT!) through Wrestlemania X (which Hogan wasn’t at). Austin appreciates all of Hogan’s accomplishments in this business and shakes his hand. He talks about how tonight is about the current stars…..and here’s the Rock.
After taking his sweet time getting to the ring, Rock and Austin hug for old times’ sake. Fans: “THIS IS AWESOME!” Rock says all five of his senses are on fire and FINALLY he has come back……to the SUPERdome! He looks across the ring and sees the two biggest names in the history of the WWE and he’s had the privilege of facing both of them at Wrestlemania.
They’ve had a huge impact on his career and on everyone’s in the back as well. Tonight Cena is coming out here to fight for hustle, loyalty and respect, but he doesn’t do that if no one told him to say his prayers and take his vitamins 29 years ago. Tonight someone is fighting against the Authority (pause for a YES chant) but that doesn’t happen unless a bald headed SOB didn’t have the guts to fight against the boss.
Rock wants to know why so many babies are born just nine months after Wrestlemania? They’re Rock Babies! Rock gives us a great rhyme about the history of Wrestlemania with the final line saying that everyone else would have lost to the three of them (look it up because just reading it doesn’t do it justice). Everyone hits their catchphrases, beer is consumed and all three songs are played. JBL: “My life is complete.”
Overall Rating: A+. Well that was…..oh dang we’ve got three and a half hours to go. I had my money’s worth right here already.
We get the AWESOME recap video for HHH vs. Daniel Bryan. If there’s one thing this show got right (and there are about a hundred of them), it’s the big recap videos. This is set to Monster by Imagine Dragons and shows Bryan going from an NXT rookie up to the US Champion and then into the main event.
At Summerslam 2013, Bryan pinned John Cena completely clean but guest referee HHH knocked him out so Orton could cash in Money in the Bank. HHH didn’t want Bryan as the face of WWE because he didn’t fit the mold, but Bryan spent the next several months trying to prove himself and get the title back. Eventually Bryan wanted a match with HHH but couldn’t get the boss to agree. With nothing else left, Bryan took Raw hostage and forced HHH to agree to let them have a match here at Wrestlemania. The winner is put into the World Title match main event.
Stephanie, showing so much leg that Stacy Keibler would tell her to tone it down, introduces HHH. Naturally HHH has a golden throne with three good looking women (played by NXT girls Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Alexa Bliss) to take off his mask and armor. To be fair, this is pretty cool.
HHH vs. Daniel Bryan
Winner goes to the main event title match. For some reason, Bryan’s entrance is never actually announced, likely due to not being able to hear the announcer over the INSANE YES chants. Cole says this is a mismatch on paper, even though Bryan is a multiple time World Champion coming in. HHH would be the heavy favorite but it’s not that big. Bryan is coming in with a bad shoulder after HHH attacked it a few weeks back on Raw. Stephanie kisses HHH for an awesome heel moment.
We start with a long staredown as the fans are about 300% behind Bryan. HHH’s offer of a handshake is kicked away and Bryan gets a quick rollup for two. That would be one heck of a way to open the show. The threat of a big kick sends HHH outside but he comes back in to go after the arm. Bryan flips out and hits a dropkick to the ribs before taking him down with a headlock. Stephanie: “COME ON BABY!” They hit the mat for a nice technical sequence until HHH takes him into the corner and wraps the bad arm around the ropes.
Bryan escapes an attempt at sending his arm into the post before hitting a running tornado DDT off the apron to the floor. As HHH gets up, Bryan dives off the top for a big flip dive and Stephanie is losing it. She shouts that Bryan is a B+ at best as HHH crotches him on the top, followed by a running forearm to put Bryan on the floor. It’s time for the announcer’s table but Bryan fights out of the Pedigree attempt, only to have HHH grab the arm and drive it into the table.
Back in again and HHH puts on an armbar as JBL shouts about how brilliant this is. He really needs to figure out proper tone. Bryan is able to low bridge HHH to the floor but a right hand stops the Flying Goat. Something like a belly to back suplex on the apron drops Bryan’s arm on the apron again and he has to beat the count back in. HHH channels his inner Backlund for a crossface chicken wing before putting on a regular Crossface to make Benoit scream even more.
Bryan finally makes the rope and nails a running forearm to knock some of the smile off of Stephanie’s face. The moonsault out of the corner doesn’t work but Bryan uses a standing switch for some rolling Germans for rolling near falls. HHH reverses back into another chicken wing attempt before settling for a tiger suplex. They head up top for a superplex but Bryan reverses into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. Bryan starts shaking his head as he gets up for the running dropkicks in the corner, only to have HHH nail a running clothesline to stop the third. Stephanie LOSES IT on the floor in celebration.
The Pedigree is countered into a jackknife for two before the big kick knocks HHH silly. Back to the Crossface but HHH can only grab across Bryan’s forehead. Bryan rolls away but gets caught in the middle of the ring ala the ending of Wrestlemania XX. Another roll lets Bryan counter into the YES Lock but again the grip isn’t perfect. HHH finally makes the ropes and you can see Stephanie breathe a sigh of relief. She’s gone from all confident to having to sweat over this match.
HHH bails to the floor but Bryan gets up for two straight Flying Goats, followed by a series of kicks to the chest as they hit another gear. The missile dropkick puts HHH down but Daniel lands on his shoulder. He nips up though and the fans are right back into it. JBL is starting to panic as well as Bryan busts out the YES Kicks. The big one knocks HHH down but he kicks out at two. This is reaching epic.
Bryan sets up the running knee but it’s countered into a spinebuster, followed by the Pedigree for two, sending Stephanie into shock. HHH puts him in the corner for more right hands but is smart enough to break at four. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a backdrop for two but HHH doesn’t let go of the grip. Bryan won’t get up so HHH drives knees (yes, knees from HHH) to the side of the head. This time Bryan rolls out and kicks the boss in the head, only to miss a second attempt. HHH tries a belly to back but Bryan flips out and hits the running knee for the huge upset pin, sending him to the main event.
Rating: A. This was a great match with the big key of Bryan winning clean. HHH wrestled a smart match and did everything he should have, including the arm work and hitting the Pedigree but Bryan flat out beat him. This match was a Match of the Year contender all year and it’s easy to see why. Really good stuff here and HHH continues to prove why he’s still worth putting in the ring a few times a year.
Post match Stephanie gets in for a real challenge. She slaps Bryan in the face, allowing Stephanie to get a chair and crush Bryan’s shoulder against the post. Oh man they really did stack the deck against him. Stephanie: “That’s what happens when you play with the Game.” Dang she’s good at being evil.
New Age Outlaws/Kane vs. Shield
There isn’t much to this one. Kane blamed Jerry Lawler for letting Bryan’s fans in for the Occupy Raw incident but Shield wouldn’t attack him. The Outlaws were added because who else was going to be put in the spot? Road Dogg’s speech is cut off by Shield’s intro, complete with half masks which didn’t last long. This was right before Shield turned face, even though they’re insanely popular and have practically been good guys for a few weeks now. One last note before we get to the massacre: if you’ve never heard it, Kane’s pyro is one of the loudest things you’ll ever hear live.
Kane punches Ambrose into the corner to start but the US Champion (remember that?) fights back and nails a clothesline. Off to Reigns to run over Gunn before taking down Dogg and Kane for good measure. Reigns even tells the Outlaws to suck it. The Apron Kick (he hasn’t done that in a while) hits both Outlaws but Kane blocks the Superman Punch. That earns him a springboard knee from Rollins and Dean breaks up the Fameasser.
The Superman Punch (which the camera misses) lays out Gunn and Billy is surrounded. He gets outside with Dogg, only to take a double dive from Ambrose and Rollins. All three villains get speared (the Outlaws get theirs at the same time) and a double Triple Bomb to the Outlaws is enough for the pin. Total and complete dominance here as you can feel the Shield’s mega face push coming imminently.
Jim Duggan and Sgt. Slaughter are playing with toys in the back with EVIL Danny Davis counting the pin. Why Duggan isn’t wearing a shirt isn’t clear. Duggan wants another opponent so here’s Ricky Steamboat. They can’t play though because someone has bought the toys. Guess who that would be. On a personal note, other than Davis, I’ve met every person in this segment in the last year. Ron Simmons comes in for the required cameo.
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Big Show, Cesaro, Xavier Woods, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Yoshi Tatsu, Brad Maddox, Brodus Clay, Great Khali, Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Darren Young, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Heath Slater, Tyson Kidd, R-Truth, Fandango, Big E., David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Damien Sandow, Santino Marella, Miz, Titus O’Neil, Mark Henry
In a line I can’t take credit for, this should be the Andre Rousimoff Memorial Battle Royal: the ARMBAR. There are thirty one people in this and eight of them are out of the company less than a year later. I’ll give them credit for this: they snuck everyone but Big Show and Sheamus into the ring during the legends’ segment and I didn’t notice a thing.
Kidd goes to the apron to start and flips onto a pile of people. You can’t tell what’s going on to start like in most battle royals. Tatsu is out first and Cody and Kofi get in a kick off as they’re hanging from the ropes. Maddox, GM of Raw at the time, is out next and Khali knocks Brodus out with a chop. A few guys dump Khali a few seconds later and you can actually see the mat now. There goes Ryder at 3MB’s hands and Young gets the same treatment.
Mark Henry actually sells a punch from Slater before knocking out McIntyre and Mahal. Henry makes it a matched 3MB set by throwing Heath out but Big Show gets rid of him a few seconds later. The ring is down to a manageable number now and it’s nowhere near as crowded. Show throws Titus out next but it’s Cobra time. Miz tries to block it but with an assist from Xavier Woods of all people, Miz is knocked to the floor. Del Rio kicks Santino out and Sandow dumps Woods. Racist.
Cody’s Disaster Kick nails Sandow and Goldust low bridges him to the floor. Intercontinental Champion Big E. powerbombs Gabriel out and throws Otunga to the floor for good measure. Fandango and Big E. get in a fight on the apron and Fandango actually kicks him out. Your champion ladies and gentlemen. The fans start Fandangoing but stop as Sheamus hits the thirty forearms to the chest and shoves the dancer out.
Show throws Truth out and we’re down to Big Show, Mysterio, Sin Cara, Del Rio, Kidd, Goldust, Cesaro, Sheamus, Ziggler, Kingston and Rhodes. Sin Cara goes out off camera to get us down to ten and Del Rio enziguris Kidd off the top to make it nine. Another enziguri drops Goldust and a shove gets rid of the other Rhodes brother. Del Rio takes a 619 and Cesaro gets the same treatment, only to uppercut Rey to the floor. Ziggler gets an uppercut of his own in the middle of the ring and everyone is down.
It’s Kofi up first and charging at Cesaro, who launches him over the post and down to the floor. You know it’s not that simple though as Kofi’s feet land on the steps and he gets back in for a HUGE top rope cross body. I paused the video to type a bit with Kofi in the air and I couldn’t believe how high he got on that thing. Kofi kicks everyone, including Big Show, down but he gets caught in the Swing that everyone had wanted to see. There’s something hilarious about those braids flying around.
The Swing goes on for a ridiculous thirty seconds but Cesaro walks into a chokeslam. A Brogue Kick drops Big Show and another puts Kingston out. Ziggler DDTs Sheamus but gets superkicked to the floor but Del Rio, drawing some awesome heat. The final four are Del Rio, Big Show, Sheamus and Cesaro. There’s the cross armbreaker to Sheamus, which JBL points out as a waste of time.
Sheamus powers up but both guys fall to the floor to get us down to two. You know who the fans are behind I’m assuming. Cesaro starts firing off uppercuts and clotheslines but dives into a big chop. Show loads him up but Cesaro slips down the back (ala Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) and casually picks him up (not like Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) for a slam to the floor and the win.
Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting and one of the more entertaining battle royals I’ve seen in a long time. Cesaro winning should have meant a big push but it wound up going nowhere due to the incompetence of this company. Good stuff here but they would have been better off with twenty like they’re doing for the second version. That slam was freaking cool too.
Cesaro celebrates with his chest high trophy.
The next awesome recap video shows us Cena vs. Wyatt, which is based around the idea of making Cena destroy his legacy….whatever that means. Wyatt thinks Cena is lying when he talks about hustle, loyalty and respect and seemingly just wants to destroy Cena for fun. He’s a weird guy like that.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
Wyatt’s song is played live with a bunch of burning barrels, a woman dancing like she’s possessed and what looks like a bunch of junk set up as an altar. This was CHILLING live and an absolutely amazing visual. Bray has Harper and Rowan with him here. This was before Rowan got pushed by having Big Show knock him out 19 times in a row. The fireflies are starting to become a thing at this point but it’s not there yet. Cena doesn’t have any kind of a special entrance, but how could he follow Bray’s anyway? For some reason Roberts doesn’t even announce him until he’s in the ring.
Bray drops to his knees and offers Cena a free shot to finish him early but Cena tells him to get up and fight. They finally get going with Cena headlocking him to the mat as JBL has no idea what he just saw. Back up and Bray hammers him into the corner, shouting that Cena doesn’t want to fight him. A headbutt drops Cena as Bray asks if this is the one the people call hero.
Bray sends him across the ring but Cena just explodes with a running clothesline. A fired up Cena takes him into the corner, only to have Wyatt laugh as Cena stomps away. John gets creative (or is it basic?) with a running big boot. The Family stares at Cena and Bray shouts that John is a monster before hitting the release suplex slam (cool move). We hit the sleeper but it’s quickly just a regular chinlock.
Cena fights back and starts his finishing sequence but the Shuffle is blocked by Bray’s spider walk. Cena’s reaction is perfect as he falls down and gets distracted by Rowan, allowing Bray to hit a chokeslam (meant to be a Rock Bottom but it’s the same move for all intents and purposes) for two. It’s time for Bray to conduct the crowd but the delay lets Cena get two off a jumping tornado DDT.
Cena’s top rope Fameasser is caught in the Batista neck breaking powerbomb and control switches again. Another finishing sequence has Bray in trouble but he counters the AA into a gutbuster for two. A DDT onto the apron drops Cena and his face just looks stunned. Back in and Bray’s superplex attempt is countered but Cena, ever the rocket scientist, dives on the Family for no apparent reason. They weren’t doing much and they’ll just be ticked off now, but Cena is Cena and unquestionable right?
The wild eyed Bray sends Cena into the steps and says he’s figured out what to do. Cena kicks the steps out of his hands and picks them up instead, only to throw them down instead of giving in to the demons. Back in and Bray runs him over, says he has the whole world in his hand, but misses the backsplash. AA gets two and why are people always shocked by that? If you don’t see two of those it’s not a major match.
Rowan offers a distraction so Harper can get in a cheap shot to give his boss two. It’s about time they did something in this match. Cena goes out after Harper and spears him through the barricade, which seems to be exactly what Bray wanted. Sister Abigail is countered into the STF but the rope is quickly grabbed. Now Sister Abigail connects for two and Bray is……happy? Scared? Shocked? You never really can tell with him.
Bray goes out and rips the top off the Spanish table. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary and tells him to go after the French table in a funny moment. Instead Bray gets a chair and kicks it over to Cena before kneeling in the middle of the ring. He tells Cena to finish this but Cena blasts Rowan instead, setting up Sister Abigail. The kiss is too much though and the second AA is enough to pin Bray.
Rating: C+. It’s a good enough match, but what the heck was the point in having Bray lose here? The entire thing was built up as Bray being a monster and he loses the big match? Now of course this didn’t end Bray’s run, but it was questionable then and it doesn’t get any better a year later. Cena really didn’t need the win and the whole legacy thing still doesn’t make a lot of sense. I don’t get how Bray pinning him ended his legacy, so it seemed to be another way of saying “Hey Cena, turn heel already!” It’s not explained why hitting Rowan is different than hitting Bray but this story never made the most sense in the first place.
Hall of Fame video from last night. This package aired about a million times on Sunday and Monday, to the point where I memorized half the lines. Undertaker coming out with the urn during Bearer’s induction was perfect. Mr. T.’s speech on the other hand was so beyond perfect that I don’t have the words to describe it. Seeing Scott Hall and Jake Roberts up there is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and proof that Diamond Dalla Page is a saint.
Here’s the class of 2015 live: Jake Roberts, Mr. T., Paul Bearer, Carlos Colon, Lita (you all still would and you know it), Razor Ramon and the Ultimate Warrior, who gets a full musical entrance. The interesting thing here is that the camera guys ran backwards in case he ran to the ring but instead he just walked out after everyone else had been standing there. Knowing what happened to him less than two days later still makes my head spin. This is one of the better classes ever as it’s hard to argue against any of them going in, which isn’t always the case.
Medics check on Bryan’s arm.
We recap the Streak match. The video about the Streak being the lone constant over the last twenty three years is really odd when you think about it as nothing else has anywhere near that lifespan. Can any man break the streak? Heyman: “Obviously the answer to this question is no. But what about a beast?” That’s pretty much all you need to know. Heyman caps it off with “Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer the Streak.”
Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
Undertaker’s theme this year is a coffin with the name of each victim, all of which are lit on fire. The latest victim is covered by smoke as luck would have it. Even Brock looks a bit shaken up by all this, but that might be due to his coffin opening up. Long staredown to start until Undertaker fires off right hands. That earns him a belly to belly overhead suplex and a clothesline to send him outside because Brock is awesome like that.
Undertaker comes back with a Stunner over the top and it’s time for more punching, followed by bending Brock’s arm around the rope. The arm goes into the post as well but Brock punches Old School down. That’s it for Undertaker’s control though as he fights back and takes it to the floor, setting up the apron legdrop. It’s been about 90% Undertaker so far. The chokeslam and F5 are both escaped but Brock avoids the running boot in the corner.
It’s time to go after the old man’s leg and the last thing you want to give Brock is a target. Or raw meat. Or a belt that a Samoan wants to take from him because it turns into a stupid looking tug of war. Brock slowly hammers him down and pounds away with right hands and knees in the corner. Now they head outside for another shot to Undertaker’s knee before he’s whipped hard into the barricade. Back in and Brock keeps hammering away as the fans are waiting on the big comeback before they hit the main event style.
Now Brock just starts punching him a lot until Undertaker catches him with the running DDT (a popular counter tonight). The running clothesline in the corner (what leg injury?) sets up Snake Eyes and the running boot, followed by a legdrop for two. The chokeslam (Heyman: “HE’S POISED!”) gets two and Undertaker looks deflated. Brock counters the tombstone into the F5 (way bigger reaction than the chokeslam) for two.
Lesnar slows things down and gets pulled into a surprise Hell’s Gate. That’s fine with Brock who lifts him up into a powerbomb to break the hold. Power like that is just scary and Brock is terrifying enough on his own. Undertaker throws it on again but Brock counters it exactly the same way. Why change what works? It’s Brock’s turn for a submission as he puts on the Kimura to make Undertaker scream. We get MMA Taker as he reverses into one of his own but Brock makes it to the ropes.
Brock fires off some shoulders in the corner but Undertaker gets a boot up. We go Old School but Undertaker falls into the F5 for two. Now it’s Brock’s turn to be shocked for a change. Two German suplexes rattle Undertaker again and Heyman shouts that Brock is going to make it 21-1. Brock hammers away in the corner but climbs to the middle rope, setting up something called a Last Ride but more like a weak spinebuster.
Undertaker is just spent at this point so he loads up the tombstone. Brock doesn’t quite get planted though as you can see St. Louis in the gap between his head and the mat, meaning the kickout doesn’t have much of an impact. There’s the sit up and another tombstone, but Brock reverses and muscles Undertaker into the third F5 for the pin to conquer the Streak.
Rating: D+. This is hard to watch for multiple reasons. First and foremost, the Streak ended. I’m not the biggest Undertaker fan, but knowing what was coming actually made this hard to sit through. I mean……the Streak just ended. It’s like telling a kid there’s no Santa Claus: you know it has to happen someday but you don’t want to ever actually do it.
The other reason this was hard to watch is the match pretty much sucked. Undertaker apparently had a concussion early in the match and barely remembers a lot of what happened here. That can cause some severe problems, but I can’t imagine that the match would have been much better had Undertaker been healthy throughout. At the end of the day, the guy is 49 years old and barely wrestles once a year. You can’t expect him to be able to do it every single year.
That brings me to my last point: how can you really expect him to win here? Brock is a monster and wrestles a lot more often than Undertaker, in addition to being thirteen years younger. How can you reasonably believe that Undertaker can win? That’s part of the thing that kills the fans here: the idea of the Undertaker is that one night a year, he’s immortal. This match proved that he was human and that’s a hard thing to admit after all those years of seeing him as a superhero. Lesnar has been a monster since, and this really is the start of something special. Granted no one knew that at the time.
Anyway, Heyman’s reaction is in perfect as even he’s stunned at what he just saw because all his hyperbole is proven correct. They leave as the audience is stunned. Undertaker finally sits up, albeit very slowly, and gets the big hero’s sendoff. He hasn’t been seen since and I’m not sure I want to see him in the ring again at this point. The reaction is even more saddening as the fans are just done at this point. I’ve heard the only thing to compare this to is Koloff beating Sammartino and it’s hard to disagree with that.
On top of that, Undertaker collapsed as soon as he went through the curtain and was sent to the hospital. Vince himself went with him and missed the end of the show. That’s scary stuff but how lucky were they that he didn’t collapse on the stage in front of all the thousands of people?
Wrestlemania XXXI ad.
Divas Title: Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational
AJ Lee, Naomi, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Cameron, Emma, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae, Tamina Snuka
All fourteen are in at once, one fall to a finish and AJ (only one with an entrance as the others came out during the XXXI video) is defending. Vickie gets in an evil laugh before we get going. AJ and her bodyguard Tamina are sent into the middle of the circle and the brawl is on. Something tells me I won’t be able to keep track of all this.
The Bellas “hit” a horrible gutbuster on Layla before Natalya tries a triple Sharpshooter on Alicia, Summer and Rosa at the same time. A quadruple suplex gets a quadruple near fall as Cameron’s top has broken. That earns her an Emma Lock as this is a total mess. We hit the parade of finishers until only the Bellas are left.
Instead of fighting, they hit an admittedly sweet looking double dive to take everyone out. It’s amazing how much easier they are to sit through when they don’t talk. They slug it out inside and the Rack Attack gets two on Brie. Back in for a parade of secondary finishers until Naomi breaks up the Superfly Splash by shoving Tamina to the floor. Natalya powerbombs Aksana to send Naomi down in a Tower of Doom, leaving AJ to hook the Black Widow on Naomi to retain.
Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting? There’s almost no way to make a huge mess like this work, especially when so many of the girls have no business inside a wrestling ring. AJ would go on to lose the title the next night to a debuting Paige, which I somehow called about two weeks out. That’s probably a lot better than having her debut here and win as part of this disaster, but it’s rather telling that the same girls are still on top of the division a year later.
Gene Okerlund interviews Hulk Hogan (that needed to happen tonight) when Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff come in. Piper reluctantly tells Hogan he’s doing a good job tonight but Paul says he’s tired of hearing about getting pinned at the first Wrestlemania. The losers want to fight now and here’s Mr. T. for the big staredown. Pat Patterson just happens to be here in a referee shirt but they all agree to bury the hatchet and have the most awkward handshakes in years.
Bruno Sammartino, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, Bob Backlund and Bret Hart (by far the loudest reaction) are at ringside.
WWE World Title: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan
Rev Theory (remember them?) play Orton to the ring. Orton is defending of course and Batista won the Royal Rumble to get here. Bryan can barely move that left shoulder and has to do a one armed YES point. After the big match intros, Bryan hits a quick running dropkick to the champion followed by the YES Kicks. Orton calmly goes to the arm and stomps away but Batista takes Randy down.
The Orton backbreaker drops Batista and Bryan gets knocked down to the floor. Batista and Orton head over to the announcers’ tables before Batista whips him into the barricade. Orton backdrops out of a Batista Bomb to send Batista into the steps before going after Bryan again. The champ starts going back and forth to send both challengers into the barricade before taking Batista back inside for two.
The knee drop gets two more as the fans chant for Bryan. That’s exactly what they get as well with a double missile dropkick putting down the shaved headed guys. Daniel kicks away at both of them but Orton grabs in him a high collar suplex for two. Big Dave kicks Orton down and stomps on Bryan in the corner to get the fans booing all over again. That’s fine with Daniel as he hits running dropkicks to both guys in the corner. That woke them up again and so did the top rope hurricanrana for two on Orton.
Batista comes back with a suplex to send Bryan outside but he goes up top for no logical reason other than to allow Orton to superplex him back down. Daniel adds a Swan Dive and puts Orton in the YES Lock but here are HHH and Stephanie to pull out the referee. Crooked referee Scott Armstrong comes in to count two off the Batista Bomb on Bryan. Bryan sends a charging Batista into the post and kicks Armstrong in the head before hitting a FLYING GOAT onto the Authority, including Stephanie. Just fire him right now. Plant a tie on him or something.
HHH is livid and pulls out the sledgehammer but Bryan takes it away and knocks HHH to the floor. Orton comes back in and cleans house, joining forces with Batista to beat Bryan up even more. They take the tape off his shoulder as the Authority is taken out, much to JBL’s chagrin. The announcers’ table is loaded up with Orton setting the steps next to it, drawing a CM Punk chant for the save. Instead they get a Batista Bomb into a jumping neckbreaker (called an RKO). The scary part here is that Orton landed back first on a monitor and took a long time to get up.
Batista is the only man left standing and it’s Lawler with the voice of common sense: “Throw one of them in the ring and cover them!” The old guys still get it. Medics come out to help Bryan as JBL joins Lawler’s school of thinking: “COVER BRYAN ALREADY!” Orton and Batista brawl in a heatless segment as people don’t accept that Bryan is done yet. The Elevated DDT off the apron gets a good gasp from the crowd, but Bryan getting off the stretcher gets a better reaction.
Orton immediately sends Bryan into the steps before throwing him back inside. Again he won’t cover though, allowing Batista to come back in and take the champ down. There’s the YES Lock to Batista but Orton is right back up for the save. Daniel is knocked to the floor by Batista’s spear and the RKO gets a VERY close two on Dave to get the fans back into it.
Another RKO is loaded up but Bryan comes back in with the running knee. Batista throws Bryan down but Orton kicks out at two. Another Batista Bomb puts Orton down but Bryan comes back in with the running knee and the YES Lock FINALLY makes Bryan champion, sending New Orleans into a frenzy. Cole dubs it the Miracle on Bourbon Street in a call I really like.
Rating: B. This needed to be five minutes shorter but my goodness they cranked up the emotions here. There was no other possible ending to this though and the fans ate up every single bit of it. The near falls on the finishers were great and I was totally buying into them as potential endings. Not a great match but exactly the way the show should have ended.
Confetti falls (and I got a piece which I still have) and a huge celebration finally ends the show.
Overall Rating: A-. Time has brought this show back down to earth a bit but it’s still incredibly fun. This was everything the fans could have wanted from Bryan (though not quite everything from Undertaker vs. Lesnar) and an incredibly emotional show. The wrestling here ranges from very good to mixed but the emotion is off the charts. That’s what matters at the end of the day and it was the perfect story being told. The show holds up almost completely and it’s still great and worth checking out. Bryan may never get back to the top again, but they can never take this night away from him and that’s not the worst prize.
Ratings Comparison
Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel
Original: B
Redo: B
HHH vs. Daniel Bryan
Original: A
Redo: A
Shield vs. Kane/New Age Outlaws
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Original: C+
Redo: C+
Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
Original: B
Redo: C+
Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker
Original: C+
Redo: D+
Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational
Original: D+
Redo: D
Daniel Bryan vs. Batista vs. Randy Orton
Original: A-
Redo: B
Overall Rating
Original: A+
Redo: A-
The main event was too high but the show is still an instant classic.
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