Smackdown
Date: October 10, 2008
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz

Things have gotten interesting around here as Jeff Hardy’s rise to the top has stalled again, this time after a loss to HHH in a heck of a title match at No Mercy. HHH isn’t getting a breath though as he is defending the title against Big Show this week. That makes sense as Big Show defeated the Undertaker at the pay per view so let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at Big Show wrecking Undertaker at No Mercy and beating him via KO. Undertaker’s eyes looked gone and that was quite the visual.

Opening sequence.

Vickie Guerrero, with Chavo Guerrero, is in the ring to get things going. She rants about how two weeks ago, she wasn’t wearing her neck brace until she was brutally and SAVAGELY attacked by the Undertaker. She can still hear the sounds of her vertebrae compressing and TO THIS DAY, she can feel the pain going down her spine (you can imagine the crowd’s reactions).

But then at No Mercy, Undertaker got his when he was dominated and humiliated by Big Show. That’s why Show is challenging HHH for the World Title tonight, which brings Show out to join us. Show has heard the fans cheering for the Undertaker and it meant nothing compared to his fist. We see what is either the same video from the opening or something close enough to it that it doesn’t matter before Show brags about knocking out a bunch of people.

As for tonight, HHH is going to know exactly what hits him and Show will be the new champion. Cue Vladimir Kozlov, who makes it clear that he’s coming for whomever leaves with the title. Show recommends against that due to the whole “I’m a giant” thing, plus he’s an AMERICAN (oh geez). And that’s how it ends, which is probably for the better.

Brie Bella vs. Natalya Neidhart

Victoria is here with Natalya. They go straight to the mat to start with Bella hammering away. Back up and Bella slips off the ropes but is right back up with a bunch of forearms in a nice recovery. Natalya blasts her with a heck of a discus clothesline but Bella gets in a quick two off a sunset flip.

That’s enough for Bella to try her dive underneath the ring, though Victoria cuts her off. Well she cuts her off for a bit, as Hornswoggle pops her up to chase Victoria away. Brie comes out from the other side of the ring but then goes back under, popping out from the other side faster than humanly possible. Natalya is so confused that she gets crucifixed for the fast pin.

Rating: C. Yeah we get it. They’re pretty much this close to revealing the thing with Bella and there’s not much point to keeping it a secret any longer. We get the idea now and while it’s clever, it isn’t something that feels like it has the longest shelf life. That being said, it might be nice to have something different in the division, which is still coming together.

We look at John Cena’s neck injury at Summerslam and his ensuing surgery.

Funaki is practicing his interviews when R-Truth comes in to say Funaki needs a microphone. R-Truth wants to get to know him a bit better, including his full name. As it turns out, Funaki’s middle name is Fu, his last name is Naki, and his first name is….Kung. R-Truth can go with that and sings a modified Kung Fu Fighting, complete with various rhymes about Funaki and Japan. Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. No, this isn’t on the Peacock version.

HHH is voting on the guest referee for Chris Jericho vs. Batista when Jeff Hardy comes in. Hardy thought they had an amazing match and praises HHH for retaining. He even wishes HHH luck tonight, but he’s coming for the winner either way.

R-Truth vs. Shelton Benjamin

Non-title and before the match, Benjamin says that in these rough economic times, you can still bet on gold. Yeah this gimmick is still horrid. Benjamin drives him into the corner to start, with some knees and forearms putting R-Truth down. They go outside to keep up the beating but R-Truth manages to fight back inside. One heck of a clothesline gives Benjamin a delayed two and we hit the chinlock. This one stays on for a good while until R-Truth suplexes his way to freedom for two of his own. R-Truth’s spinning forearm gets two more so Benjamin tries a tilt-a-whirl, which is reversed into a cradle to give R-Truth the fast pin.

Rating: C. I’m not big on the idea of a champion losing like this but it’s a fast way to make R-Truth feel like a bigger deal. That could take him somewhere sooner than later and it’s not like Benjamin’s title reign has meant much in the slightest. The match wasn’t much to see, though the ending was a nice surprise.

Jeff Hardy vs. MVP

During MVP’s entrance, Gregory Helms pops up, begging MVP to actually win a match. Apparently MVP gets a big bonus if he wins one more match, which is a logical enough incentive. They fight over a small package to start with MVP taking him down for some near falls. Hardy is back up with a knockdown but it’s way too early for the Swanton, with MVP bailing out to the floor as we take an early break.

We come back with MVP firing off some knees to the chest, followed by a knee drop for two. The seated abdominal stretch has Hardy in more trouble and a waistlock keeps him down. Hardy fights up but can’t break the hold, with MVP ramming him into the corner in a smart move. In traditional wrestling logic though, Hardy gets out even faster and hits the Whisper In The Wind for two of his own, followed by a dropkick into the corner. There’s the slingshot dropkick to the chest, followed by another to the back for a bit of a twist. The Swanton finishes MVP off.

Rating: C+. Well, this was about as good of a match as you were going to have when so much of it was spent with MVP working on the bad ribs. That’s a case where it made sense but might not have been the most interesting situation. Hardy does at least get a win back after Sunday, which he needs if he’s staying in the title picture. At the same time, MVP is not going to be thrilled by his loss, which could lead to a fun chase as he tries to get that last win.

Post match Vladimir Kozlov comes out and goes after Hardy, who is quickly headbutted out of the air.

Video on HHH.

We go to a carnival and meet Kizarny, who speaks carny and is coming to Smackdown. Ok then.

Jesse & Festus/Colons vs. Kenny Dykstra/Ryan Braddock/Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

This seems to exist as an excuse to get Maria, serving as guest ring announcer, on the show and….well it makes sense. Gregory Helms pops up to mock Dykstra’s team for not being the most intimidating. Festus clears the ring at the bell, as tends to be his custom but Carlito starts by springboard moonsaulting Hawkins for an early two.

Ryder comes in for a kick to the back and the villains start taking turns on Carlito. Dykstra’s middle rope ax handle gets two and some elbows to the neck set up a chinlock. Carlito fights out again and brings Festus in for the house cleaning, including a running seated senton to Dykstra. Everything breaks down and Braddock is sent outside, leaving Festus to hit the fireman’s carry flapjack for the pin on Dykstra.

Rating: D+. Again, there was no reason for this match to exist save for I’m guessing having Maria on TV. It’s not like these people (including the Tag Team Champions) have much going on at the moment and putting them in an eight man tag which barely ran three minutes isn’t going to do much to fix things. Just a quick match here and nothing important.

Post match Festus kind of stalks Maria, with Jesse getting him out of there.

We look at Big Show knocking out various people.

John Cena came to Smackdown the day of his surgery. In case you thought he was normal at any point.

Great Khali vs. ???/???/???

Before the match, Runjin Singh recaps Khali’s issues with Johnny Knoxville and kissing Lilian Garcia on Raw. Two of the three guys run away and the third is chopped for the pin in about fifteen seconds.

Post match Khali does the Kiss Cam again and kisses a woman who is a big bigger, with Singh asking for her weight but then dropping it. Khali eventually kisses her and poses.

Raw Rebound.

We look back at Jeff Hardy beating MVP but getting taken out by Vladimir Kozlov.

Kozlov is ready to destroy Hardy next week.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Big Show

HHH is defending. We get the Big Match Intros until HHH ducks a shot in the corner and slugs away to no avail. Show sends him outside but misses a charge into the post to actually stagger him. Back in and the side slam plants HHH in a hurry and we take a break. We come back with HHH in a neck crank and getting cranked for a long time. The standing legdrop gives Show two but he misses a charge into the corner.

HHH jumps on his back for the sleeper, which still won’t put Show down. The facebuster doesn’t work either and the Pedigree is countered into an Air Raid Crash. The big right hand misses so Show goes with the chokeslam to drop HHH instead. Show loads up the punch again but the lights go out and the Undertaker is here to brawl with Show to the back. And that’s the match.

Rating: C. Well that was just kind of a way to keep Undertaker vs. Show going and that’s not the most thrilling way to go. If nothing else, it would be nice to have Undertaker sell the beating from No Mercy. Otherwise, it just makes the whole thing seem like an annoyance which didn’t do anything to Undertaker long term. It was a way out of the title match though, and at least Show didn’t lose his momentum so soon after looking dominant at the pay per view.

Post match Vladimir Kozlov comes out and brawls with HHH, even dropping him with a headbutt to the chest. Jeff Hardy runs in and helps HHH clear him out…and then drops HHH with the Twist Of Fate. A staredown with Kozlov ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t exactly feeling this one as the wrestling was just ok and it was much more about setting things up for later. Kozlov is one of the new big bads around here and I’m not sure how well that’s going. He’s not very interesting and Show going with the American thing isn’t a great sign. In other words, it feels like another roadblock to Hardy getting the title, which is what the fans want to see right now. The rest of the show wasn’t much to see and hopefully that gets better. I’m not exactly certain it will with Kozlov as a focus, but the power of Hardy is strong.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: October 7, 2008
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

We’re done with No Mercy and Matt Hardy is still the ECW Champion, having survived Mark Henry. The following night didn’t go so well for Hardy, who was pinned by Kane in a tag match on Raw. That could open up a few different options and we could be seeing more of Kane around here. Or it means nothing. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Finlay/Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox/Jack Swagger

Hornswoggle is here too. Finlay and Knox start things off with Finlay going straight to the elbow to the head. The running seated senton allows the tag off to Dreamer and a bulldog drops Knox again. Swagger gets knocked to the floor for a clothesline from the apron but Knox is back up with a pump kick.

We take a break and come back with Knox’s suplex getting two on Dreamer and a cheap shot knocking Finlay off the apron. Swagger comes in and misses the Vader Bomb, meaning Dreamer can come in to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s a Tadpole Splash into a shillelagh shot to give Finlay the pin on Knox.

Rating: C+. Totally standard tag match here and that’s a fine way to go. Well, as far as you could get with Knox involved. He’s just turned into such a nothing name around here but the show is in such a need for bodies that he has to stick around. Finlay is also fine for a midcard name and that’s all he needs to be, making him a fine example of how to use a veteran of his status.

It’s October so Tiffany is a devil and Teddy Long is a vampire (I think). Jamie Noble comes in and says he’s dressed as the greatest wrestler of all time. Tiffany: “You’re dressed as Shawn Michaels!” Anyway Tony Atlas and Mark Henry interrupt, with Noble making the mistake of standing up to Henry. A match is made.

The Boogeyman is coming back. Uh…good? I think? They need people, but I’m not sure how far he’ll get them.

Mark Henry vs. Jamie Noble

Henry runs him over to start and steps on his back for some loud screaming. Another knockdown has Noble in more trouble but he avoids a charge in the corner. The right hands in the corner look to set up a high crossbody, which is pulled into the World’s Strongest Slam to give Henry the pin.

Rating: C. Just a squash here as we establish that Henry is in fact still a monster. That was pretty much covered last night on Raw but they needed to do it here as well. Thankfully it didn’t last long, as there was no reason for it to go more than a few minutes. Henry knows how to smash through people and he did it well here.

Post match the beatdown stays on so Matt Hardy runs in with a Twist Of Fate. Unfortunately it’s to Tony Atlas, leaving Henry to wreck Hardy.

Raw Rebound.

CM Punk/Ricky Ortiz/Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne vs. Miz/John Morrison/Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase Jr.

Manu is here with the villains. Rhodes and Bourne start things going as Striker actually explains the rules of an eight man tag. I…sure why not, as it’s not hurting anything. Bourne starts in on the arm and it’s quickly off to Punk to stay on said arm. Morrison comes in and gets taken into the corner, where Ortiz drops a leg. It’s back to Bourne for a running hurricanrana and the villains are cleared out as we take a break.

We come back with DiBiase chinlocking Bourne, apparently thanks to Manu interfering during the break (he has to do something). A big clothesline cuts off Bourne’s comeback and Morrison comes in for the armbar. Miz grabs a cravate and the rapid fire tags continue with Rhodes hammering away.

It’s already back to Miz for a front facelock, with Bourne reversing into a small package for two. Bourne is up without much trouble though and Punk comes back in to strike away. Everything breaks down (yep) and it’s time for the series of dives. Manu’s distraction saves Morrison from the GTS though and DiBiase knocks Punk into the Moonlight Drive to give Morrison the pin.

Rating: B-. The rapid fire tags helped a bit here as it let the people get in there rather than waiting around as much. At the same time, the less Ortiz does the better, as there is just nothing there. I know he has the big hair and the towel and all that, but that’s not enough to carry him. Hopefully WWE realizes that soon, as it’s getting harder to put up with him. Finally, my goodness Punk has fallen rather quickly after losing the World Title, which tends to be the case too often with MITB title winners.

Overall Rating: C+. ECW continues to exist, with the title feud kind of on hold this week and guest stars being there to fill in the gaps. As usual, I’m not sure how much this needs to be a regular hour long show, but WWE has done dumber things before. The main event was ok, though it’s not worth going out of your way to see. Just wait for Smackdown, as is often the case around here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

I believe this is my fifth time reviewing this show but I’m always curious to see how much different it feels having recently watched the TV leading up to it. The show has been set for a long time now and that means we need to get on with the pay per view already. Of course there is the Royal Rumble, but the Raw World Title match between Jeff Hardy and Randy Orton is the real draw here. This show is summed up in three words: Hardy Could Win. It worked in 2008 and it’s working again here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the history of the Royal Rumble, with this year’s being extra special because it’s in Madison Square Garden. Works for me.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Flair’s career is on the line but MVP’s US Title isn’t. Before the match, Flair talks about how he has wrestled here throughout his career, starting all the way back in 1976. Flair thanks the fans for the respect they have given him throughout the years….and then MVP’s music cuts him off. Feeling out process to start with Flair being driven back into the corner, meaning he needs to stop and think for a second.

A hammerlock sends MVP into the ropes so Flair chops him down. Back up and MVP kicks Flair in the head to take over, setting up a neckbreaker for two. Something like a crossface chickenwing keeps Flair down but MVP is no Bob Backlund, meaning Flair is right back up. Flair goes for the knee but gets knocked into the corner, allowing MVP to strike him down. The running boot in the corner gives MVP three, albeit with Flair’s foot on the ropes.

The distraction lets Flair roll him up for two so MVP grabs a butterfly suplex for two of his own. A superplex gets two more and the frustration is really setting in. Back up and they collide for a double knockdown, making me wonder if a draw would end Flair’s career. Flair rolls him up a few times for two each before chopping away. That earns Flair a facebuster but the Playmaker is countered into a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much about the drama, as Flair wasn’t going to lose to MVP, even at a show like the Rumble. Instead, this was all about Flair getting in Madison Square Garden one more time and the match was built up over a few weeks. I’m not wild on the US Champion giving up clean, but there are bigger things afoot here.

Vince McMahon gives Hornswoggle a pep talk for the Royal Rumble, Finlay comes in and Vince suggests that Hornswoggle might turn on him.

And now, we meet Mike Adamle, who talks about Ric Flair’s match and throws it to a package on Chris Jericho vs. JBL.

We recap Jericho vs. JBL, which is focused on JBL not liking Jericho’s comeback and costing him the WWE Title. Then JBL took him out, setting up this showdown.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Jericho drives him into the corner to start so JBL begs off a bit. That doesn’t work for Jericho, who takes him down and hammers away again. A missed clothesline lets Jericho grab the Walls, which sends JBL bailing to the rope. Jericho knocks him outside for a baseball slide and then sends him into the steps for a bonus. Back in and JBL drops the bad throat across the top to take over.

As you might guess, JBL starts hammering Jericho down in the corner, albeit not as fast as he did in the past. The logical sleeper goes on for a bit, until Jericho fights up and hits his own hard clothesline. Back up and JBL sends him HARD into the post, with Jericho coming up busted open. Jericho pops back to his feet and sends JBL outside despite being COVERED in blood. One heck of a chair shot to the head knocks JBL silly but also hands Jericho the DQ.

Rating: C+. It was a bit of a slow match but they did a great job of setting up the violent ending. They were trying to keep the feud going here and Jericho being that busted open was a good way to accomplish just that. It was a violent fight and Jericho’s chair shot made it even better. Not too bad here, albeit with the usual Jericho pacing issues.

Post match Jericho unloads on JBL and chokes him with the camera cable as JBL did to him a few weeks ago.

Ashley Massaro tries to talk to Maria but Santino Marella cuts her off, saying Maria isn’t interested in Playboy. Right.

We recap Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the Smackdown World Title. Edge won the title thanks to some assistance from Vickie Guerrero, his new girlfriend. Rey won a Beat The Clock Challenge by pinning Edge to earn the shot here, with the Rey/Guerrero family details making things even more complicated.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge, with Vickie Guerrero and the Edgeheads, is defending. They take their time to start with Edge grabbing a wristlock. Rey kicks his way out as the fans are WAY behind Edge, with Cole writing it off as a New York thing. Edge sends him to the apron and hits a baseball slide to the floor, where the Edgeheads get THIS CLOSE to interfering. That’s enough for an ejection, allowing Rey to come back with a springboard seated senton for two.

Rey tries to pick up the pace even further but gets knocked off the top for a crash. The half crab goes on to keep Rey in trouble before Edge shifts it to something like an ankle lock. Rey’s leg is good enough to come back with an enziguri but the 619 is cut off. Back up and Rey manages to hit the sitout bulldog, setting up a kick to the head with the good leg for two.

Edge is staggered enough that Rey can knock him to the floor, setting up a sliding tornado DDT. Back in and Edge boots him down but Rey hits a quick 619. The top rope splash connects but Vickie gets out of the wheelchair to break up the pin. Rey doesn’t get distracted and sets up another 619, which only hits the interfering Vickie. That’s enough of a shock for Edge to spear Rey out of the air to retain.

Rating: B-. Another good one here, even if there was no chance of a title change here. Rey was little more than the designated victim for Edge as tends to be the case for the Royal Rumble. They had a pay per view worthy match though and Edge gets to move on to someone bigger with Wrestlemania on the way. Nice stuff here, given the circumstances.

Everyone checks on Vickie, who has to be put back in the wheelchair.

Mr. Kennedy comes in to see Ric Flair (in a towel) and condescendingly praise him for his win. Kennedy promises to win the Rumble and suggests he could retire Flair before Wrestlemania. Shawn Michaels comes in to suggest that Kennedy leave and then accidentally compares Flair to Kennedy. Flair knows Shawn is winning the Rumble tonight….and here’s Batista for an awkward staredown. And HHH too, just to make it weirder. HHH tells Ric to put his pants on and Shawn plugs his new shirt.

Here is Maria for the Kiss Cam. With that out of the way, Ashley Massaro comes out to offer Maria the Playboy spot but here is Santino Marella to say no for her. Oh and New York sports teams are awful. Maria thinks posing is a good idea so Santino has a present for her: Big Dick Johnson in New England Patriots (playing the New York Giants in the Super Bowl) gear. The women beat Johnson up to finish this one big announcement off.

Mike Adamle throws us to a package on Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy.

We recap Jeff Hardy challenging Randy Orton for the WWE Title. Hardy is on the roll of a lifetime and is ready to challenge for the title. This was one of the best builds WWE has done in a LONG time as it feels like Hardy could actually pull off the huge upset. This gets the big music video treatment and it still works very well.

Raw World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending and Hardy’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. They fight over a lockup to start until Jeff shoves him away to a rather strong reaction. Hardy grabs a headlock on the mat, which is reversed with a headscissors. That doesn’t bother Hardy, who is right back with the legdrop between the legs for two. Orton gets clotheslined to the floor and there’s the dropkick through the ropes to send him hard into the barricade.

They fight on the floor for a bit with Orton grabbing a belly to back suplex for two back inside. The circle stomp keeps Hardy in trouble and the choking has JR and King getting rather annoyed. Hardy fights up again and sends Orton over the top for a change, setting up the big dive off the apron. Back in and Jeff gets sent shoulder first into the post to put him right back down, meaning Orton can grab the chinlock.

Hardy fights up after a good while and hits the Whisper In The Wind for a rather near fall. The Swanton is loaded up but Orton rolls outside before it can launch. That’s fine with Hardy, who dropkicks Orton off the apron and hits a moonsault off the top to make it even worse. Back in and the Twist of Fate is loaded up but Orton counters into the RKO to retain the title.

Rating: B-. It didn’t have the hue moment of Hardy winning the title but it wound up being a pretty solid match with Hardy coming up just short. The problem is that they didn’t have any major spot from Hardy but you could tell that he would be back. Hardy will have to get there somewhere, though he had to come up short here, despite an amazing buildup.

Rumble By The Numbers time!

569 wrestlers eliminated
36 wrestlers eliminated by Steve Austin
11 appearances by Shawn Michaels
11 wrestlers eliminated by Kane in 2001
3 Mick Foley personae to appear in the same Royal Rumble
2 feet that have to touch the ground
1 woman to enter the match, with Chyna
62:12 that Rey Mysterio lasted in 2006
2 seconds that Warlord lasted in 1990
3 Steve Austin wins
2 wins for the #1 spot, compared to 1 win for #30
#27 produces the most winners
73% of winners have gone on to win the title at Wrestlemania since 1993

Michael Buffer handles the Royal Rumble intro in a nice bonus.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals. Undertaker is in at #1 and Shawn Michaels is in at #2 so they’re starting very fast here. Undertaker wastes no time in slugging away and even knocks Shawn onto the top. A running big boot only hits corner though and Undertaker winds up on the apron. That’s fine for him as he catches a charging Shawn by the throat and drops him with a big boot. Santino Marella is in at #3 and lasts as long as you would expect. With Santino gone, Shawn tries to toss Undertaker but gets punched in the face again. Old School is broken up without much trouble and Great Khali is in at #4.

The fans start up the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants as Undertaker strikes away at Khali and actually choke shoves him out. Hardcore Holly is in at #5 and actually hangs on for a bit by slugging it out with Undertaker. That earns him a big boot to the face but Shawn goes to eliminate Undertaker, allowing Holly to fire off some chops in the corner. John Morrison is in at #6 and it’s time for people to start pairing off. With nothing going on, Tommy Dreamer is in at #7 because we needed some ECW chants.

Dreamer does about what you would expect from him until Batista is in at #8 to keep the star power up. Dreamer breaks up the Undertaker vs. Batista showdown and is promptly eliminated (serves him right). Batista spears Morrison down as commentary thinks teaming up on Undertaker/Batista/Shawn makes sense. Hornswoggle is in at #9 and goes straight underneath the ring in a smart move. Batista hits another spear on Undertaker and Holly backdrops Shawn.

Chuck Palumbo is in at #10, giving us Undertaker, Shawn, Holly, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle (under the ring) and Palumbo. Morrison saves himself from elimination as the six in the ring pair off a bit. The banged up Jamie Noble is in at #11 and lasts all of thirty seconds before getting tossed by Palumbo. CM Punk is in at #12 and gets his face blasted off by Shawn’s clothesline. Cody Rhodes is in at #13 and manages to dropkick Undertaker down as Punk knocks Palumbo out. Umaga is in at #14 and Spikes Holly out to keep the numbers even.

Snitsky is in at #15 and stomps on Cody in the corner until Miz is in at #16. Undertaker goes after Umaga (weird pairing) but can’t get him out. Shelton Benjamin is in at #17 and snaps Miz and Morrison’s throats on the top. Paydirt hits Punk but Shawn superkicks Shelton out in less than twenty seconds. Jimmy Snuka is in at #18 for the big nostalgia pop in the Garden. Punk goes straight for him because he wants to get knocked down by Snuka.

Speaking of Snuka, he got a big pop at #18, but Roddy Piper is in at #19 for a bigger one. Everything stops cold for the Piper vs. Snuka showdown and yeah ok this is awesome. Kane is in at #20 and tosses Piper and Snuka without much trouble. That leaves us with Undertaker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Hornswoggle (still underneath the ring), Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz and Kane. Umaga breaks up a chokeslam to Shawn and it’s Carlito in at #21.

Punk and Morrison almost toss Carlito out but he springboards back and catches Punk with a Backstabber. Mick Foley is in at #22 to start cleaning house but Umaga runs a lot of people over as well. Mr. Kennedy is in at #23 and hits some Mic Checks before kicking down a sitting up Undertaker. That’s not cool with Undertaker who gives him a chokeslam and gets his own chance to clean house.

Big Daddy V is in at #24 and Undertaker knocks Snitsky out, only to get superkicked out by Shawn. Kennedy tosses Shawn immediately thereafter and the ring is suddenly a lot more empty. Shawn lands at Undertaker’s feet but Undertaker beats up Snitsky to let off steam instead. Kennedy and Rhodes fight to the apron but it’s Mark Henry in at #25. Henry and V start getting all dominant as Hornswoggle pops out to pull Miz to the floor for an elimination.

Chavo Guerrero is in at #26 and Punk is right on him as Kane boots Morrison out. Hornswoggle pops out again and gets grabbed by Henry and V. Cue Finlay with the shillelagh (I guess in at #27) for the save and he leaves with Hornswoggle, which apparently counts as a double elimination. Elijah Burke is in at #28 as JR says Finlay was officially disqualified for the shillelagh. Batista is knocked outside (not eliminated) and Chavo dumps out Punk to keep their feud going.

HHH is in at #29 and this should clear some people out. There goes Rhodes and V follows him, setting up the HHH vs. Foley slugout. HHH sends Foley into Burke for the double elimination and Umaga misses a charge into the post. There’s the Pedigree to Umaga…..and none of that matters as JOHN CENA returns at #30 to an all time shocked reaction.

It wasn’t clear if Cena was going to be back by Wrestlemania but since Cena doesn’t seem to be a human, he’s already back after two months instead of about six. That gives us a final grouping of Batista, Umaga, Kane, Carlito, Kennedy, Henry, Guerrero, HHH and Cena. After being shocked, the fans remember to boo Cena as he fires out Carlito, Henry and Chavo.

We get the big Cena vs. HHH showdown with HHH hitting the spinebuster but getting dropped by Umaga. Batista spears Umaga down and tosses Kennedy, followed by a running clothesline to get rid of Umaga. We’re down to Kane, Batista, HHH and Cena, with HHH and Batista quickly tossing Kane. They stare at each other for a long time before the fight is on. Batista clotheslines them both down and spinebusters HHH but Cena backdrops his way out of a Batista Bomb.

That’s enough for the elimination and we’re down to HHH vs. Cena. That means some sign pointing before the BOO/YAY slugout begins. Cena hits the ProtoBomb and the Shuffle but the AA is blocked. The double clothesline leaves them both down for a needed breather for both them and the fans. Back up and another AA attempt is countered and HHH hits a DDT to take over. HHH can’t throw him out and can’t Pedigree him either, as Cena reverses into an AA for the win.

Rating: B. This match had a lot of the things that a great Rumble needs, ranging from surprises (especially the big one at the end) to star power throughout to a few fun moments like Foley, Piper and Snuka. The Cena return is what people remember about this match though and that is all it needed to be, as that was a genuine shock for a great moment. Quite good Rumble, with the Cena part being the big icing on the cake.

Cena celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is the biggest one match show of the year and as it goes, so goes the rest of the show. The other four matches on here were good enough but there was nothing worth going out of your way to see. Cena being back breathes a lot of life into the show but it was still a good one even coming to that point. Not an all time classic, but there are far worse ways to spend two hours and forth five minutes.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 2010
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

The previous week’s show is the famous one with the return of Bret Hart but someone wanted to see how the follow up went. That’s a rather interesting way to go and I’m curious to look back at what happened. In this case we have the build to the Royal Rumble, with only a few weeks left before the show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence. Let’s burn it to the ground.

Here is guest host (oh yeah that’s a thing) Mike Tyson to get things going. Tyson is glad to be back and of course we flash back to the legendary moment with Steve Austin in 1998. Back in the arena, here is World Champion Sheamus to interrupt. Sheamus doesn’t like all the praise that Tyson is getting and calls him a washed up former champion. Tyson teases getting physical and Sheamus backs up.

Cue Randy Orton to interrupt, saying he isn’t interested in making a SportsCenter moment, but he does want the WWE Championship. He wants to face Sheamus at the Royal Rumble, but here is John Cena to interrupt. Sheamus asks why Cena is here and it’s…well he wants to meet Mike Tyson! Cena talks about having beaten everyone here, including Tyson…..in Punch Out! And yes we get a King Hippo reference.

Cena wants a title shot but here is Kofi Kingston to interrupt. Orton isn’t sure why he’s here, as he beat Kingston last week. Kingston points out that he has never gotten a title shot (somehow true) and he won’t take no for an answer. Sheamus says Tyson got long stretches between his title defenses so he wants the Royal Rumble off.

Tyson says unlike Sheamus, he never ducked a fight in his life. Instead Tyson makes a triple threat for the title shot later tonight, with Cena saying it’s him against Bald Bull and Von Kaiser for a shot at Soda Popinski. The fact that he didn’t refer to Orton, who is BALD, as Bald Bull, takes some points away but the Punch Out references were funny.

Divas Title Tournament First Round: Alicia Fox vs. Kelly Kelly

Melina is injured so the title is vacant. Fox knees her in the chest to start and we’re already in the chinlock. Kelly gets up and knocks her out to the floor for a clothesline from the apron. The rather screamy headscissors drops Fox but she counters the hurricanrana into a powerbomb (nasty one too) for the pin to advance. This was a good example of women not getting the chance to do anything other than a few quick moves.

John Cena was the Grand Marshall of the Fiesta Bowl.  Apparently he’s a great guy.

Here is Legacy for a chat before their match. Last year they were in the final four of the Royal Rumble and Cody Rhodes thinks it’s his turn to win the Royal Rumble. DiBiase talks about being a movie star with the Marine 2 being better than the original in every way. Rhodes says a video of him in fifth grade is better than the Marine so it doesn’t prove much. They both think they’re going to win the Royal Rumble. The fact that Rhodes would is kind of astounding.

Legacy vs. Mark Henry/Evan Bourne

Bourne hurricanranas DiBiase to start fast but gets sent crashing out to the floor. Rhodes gets in a cheap shot by sending him into the barricade and the chinlock goes on back inside. It’s off to Rhodes for a knee drop as commentary ignores the boring match to talk about the Rumble, with Lawler actually giving some straight insight for a change. Bourne fights up and brings in Henry (who is huge here, even by his standards). DiBiase breaks up Air Bourne and Henry gets low bridged to the floor, meaning it’s Cross Rhodes to finish Bourne.

Rating: C. This was a bad time for Henry’s career as he was just doing nothing for such a long stretch. He was given random partners like Bourne and it was clear that there was no long term plan for him. It didn’t help that he was so big, but once he slimmed down a bit and started being a monster (which took some time), it was a lot better. As for the match, it was little more than a squash, with Bourne not being able to do much against the rapidly improving Legacy.

D-Generation X is in the back, with Shawn Michaels saying he’s ok with making peace with Bret Hart last week, but Mike Tyson is a different story. That being said, he’s seen Tyson’s documentary and he thinks Tyson is a changed man. Now he’s going to prove it.

Post break, Michaels goes to see Tyson and forgives him for the WrestleMania XIV knockout. Tyson doesn’t need his forgiveness and is willing to do it again. Chris Jericho comes in and apparently he and Tyson are friends so tonight it’s Jericho/Tyson vs. DX and if Jericho wins, he can stay on Raw (or anywhere he likes). Michaels is ready for revenge. Right.

We look back at Bret Hart’s return to Raw last week, with Hart’s “Well, I guess h*** froze over” summing it up perfectly. He and Vince McMahon are still having issues though, including McMahon kicking him low.

Here is Jack Swagger, who says he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. Tonight, he wants an Over The Top match and it’s open challenge time.

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

You throw your opponent over the top to win and Marella is ready to drop Swagger like a bicycle with no kickstand. Marella strikes away and gets driven into the corner, followed by a takedown. Swagger goes to toss him but of course gets eliminated in less than a minute.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. John Cena

For the Royal Rumble title shot against Sheamus. Cena and Kingston form a slightly awkward alliance to start, with a double suplex dropping Orton. A release fisherman’s suplex does it again and a double back elbow drops Orton as well. That leaves us with Cena vs. Kingston (who somehow never had a singles match) as Sheamus comes out to watch. Orton sneaks back in to break that up and we take a break.

We come back with Orton chinlocking Kingston (shocking I know) before switching over to Cena for the hanging DDT. Orton gives Kingston the backbreaker but gets bulldogged by Cena, which Cole says is him “rolling”. The STF has Kingston in trouble until Orton makes a quick save. Trouble In Paradise sends Cena outside, where Cody Rhodes runs out to send him into the steps. The distraction lets Ted DiBiase deck Kingston and the RKO sends Orton to the Rumble.

Rating: B-. Pretty standard match here and that’s a perfectly fine way to go. If nothing else, it was interesting to see Cena vs. Kingston, though Orton winning makes the most sense. Sheamus needs some wins to establish himself as champion and beating Orton is almost a merit badge. You certainly don’t want to do the Edge thing from 2006 again so this makes sense.

Mike Tyson is asked about his match against DX, when DX member Hornswoggle interrupts. Tyson threatens to do various violent things to Hornswoggle, including reaching into his head, pulling out his brain, putting it into a newspaper and smashing it like Silly Putty. Well that sounds uncalled for.

We look back at MVP wanting the Miz’s US Title.

Miz is standing outside of the locker room and talks about being thrown out when he ate some chicken over a wrestler’s bag. For six months he had to change and shower elsewhere while people like JBL made fun of him. Now he has his own locker room, while people like MVP have to dress with everyone else. He heads into the arena and says MVP doesn’t deserve to be in this ring, because MVP should be in jail.

Miz would rather the fans boo him for being something he is than cheer him for something he isn’t. MVP comes out here with his diamonds but even if you put diamonds on a dog, it’s still a mutt. Or it’s Diamond Dog from Con Air. Miz hits the catchphrase but here is MVP to say he has never hidden from his past, but rather he embraces it. Yes he is proud of his ability to earn the finer things in life, just like he is proud to win the respect of these fans. He is no mutt but asks Miz to stand there for a moment and suck.

The jacket comes off and MVP talks about his time in a Florida prison. Their real worlds are worlds apart so open up his cage and see how tame this tiger really is. Miz teases swinging and gets beaten down in a hurry. Pretty awesome stuff here, with Miz’s promo being great but MVP brought the fire when he got his chance.

We look at last year’s Hall Of Fame induction ceremony, headlined by Steve Austin.

We look back at Mike Tyson knocking out Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XIV.

Divas Title Tournament First Round: Eve Torres vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Maryse (facing the winner in the second round) is on commentary and thinks Miz is in love with her (she’s smart). Burchill grabs an early chinlock and a backbreaker but Lawler would rather talk about how nice Maryse smells. Another backbreaker gets two on Torres…and she rolls Burchill up for the pin. This was nothing.

Carlito hits on Gail Kim but they’re shut down by a ticked off Vince McMahon.

Royal Rumble rundown. All one match.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. Apparently Bret Hart isn’t here due to fear, because McMahon never gives up. Hart is never going to be seen here again because he isn’t getting closure. The end. Lawler: “Is that it?”

D-Generation X vs. Mike Tyson/Chris Jericho

DX’s Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line. Before the match, Michaels says he wants an answer from Undertaker about the Wrestlemania rematch. Tyson and Michaels start things off with Tyson hitting a shoulder, meaning it’s off to HHH. They trade some shoves, with Tyson sending him into the corner and it’s off to Jericho to stomp away.

The jumping knee gets HHH out of trouble and it’s back to Michaels for two off a sunset flip. Jericho is back with the jumping enziguri and Tyson comes back in…as we have Hornswoggle in boxing gear. That brings Jericho back in…and Tyson reveals the DX shirt that you knew was coming. Tyson knocks Jericho out and Michaels gets the pin.

Rating: C. This was harmless fun and that’s not a bad thing. Jericho getting caught when he thought he was all brilliant and ahead of DX was a great moment and it all worked well. I had fun with this one and the whole thing wound up being rather entertaining. It was barely a match, but it wasn’t supposed to be anything else.

A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The promos carried this show as there certainly wasn’t much in the way of wrestling. Honestly there wasn’t much in the way of anything and that made for a pretty mediocre show. I liked the Tyson “swerve” at the end and the Miz/MVP promo was good, but there’s a reason this isn’t the most fondly remembered time in company history. The show was ok, but that’s about it.

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Smackdown
Date: October 3, 2008
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz

It’s the last show before No Mercy, but more importantly, it’s the first episode of Smackdown on MyNetworkTV. This should be especially interesting as to the best of my knowledge, I didn’t have the network when this originally aired, so I’ve actually never seen these shows. We also have to get ready for the pay per view, which means we have a triple threat between the World Champions. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Batista/Jeff Hardy/Rey Mysterio/Finlay vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/MVP/Kane/The Brian Kendrick

Hornswoggle and Ezekiel Jackson are here too. During the entrances, the Hurricane pops in to say we should get our money back on MVP’s huge salary. Finlay and Kendrick start things off with Finlay driving him into the corner and handing it off to Batista, who gets quite the positive reaction. The shoulders in the corner have Kendrick in more trouble and it’s back to Finlay, who rams him into the apron. Kendrick gets tied up in the ring skirt and Hornswoggle dives on MVP to prevent a save.

We take a break and come back with Mysterio hitting a heck of a kick to Kendrick’s head, setting up the sliding legdrop. Hardy comes in with a top rope shot to the arm but Kendrick manages a dropkick to cut Finlay off. Hornswoggle steals Kendrick’s jacket so Jackson jumps Finlay, allowing JBL to come in. The villains start taking turns beating on Finlay, including MVP’s cravate and knee drop for two.

Finlay can’t quite fight back against JBL, who boots him in the face for two as we flash back to Wrestlemania (commentary doesn’t point that out, missing quite the advertising plug, even if the Wrestlemania special had already aired). A shot to the face finally gets Finlay out of trouble and Batista comes in to start wrecking people. Kane’s chokeslam is broken up and it’s a spinebuster to MVP. Kendrick breaks up the Batista Bomb but gets backdropped for his efforts. Mysterio’s splash off of Batista’s shoulders hits MVP but Kane saves Kendrick and MVP from a double 619.

We take another break and come back with Kane hitting a basement dropkick for two on Mysterio, followed by the chinlock. It’s back to Kendrick for a crossarm choke before JBL’s fall away slam gets one, with Batista making the save. Kendrick’s top rope stomp to the head gets two but Mysterio manages to get over for the much needed tag to Hardy. Everything breaks down and Kane gets dropkicked out to the floor, leaving Mysterio to 619 MVP. The Swanton gives Hardy the pin.

Rating: B-. Well it certainly got time and that helped a lot. The good thing about a match like this is it allows you to have a variety of people out there rather than having things limited to just a few options. Finlay and Mysterio took a beating and then Hardy got the win. That’s about all it needed to be and it went fine as a way to showcase a bunch of people to the new audience.

Long video on Undertaker vs. Big Show. It’s still not interesting.

Mike Adamle, Tiffany and Teddy Long are in the back when Big Show comes in to ask why they’re in Vickie Guerrero’s (not here) office. They’re here to represent Raw or possibly help run Smackdown, but Show throws them out. Chavo Guerrero comes in to say he’s worried about Undertaker but Show tells him to shut up. They argue over who should be in charge tonight, with Show saying either do as he says, or they’ll have a match against each other. Guerrero realizes that Show is in charge.

Santino Marella vs. Shelton Benjamin

Non-title and Beth Phoenix is here with Marella. Hurricane pops in to say Honky Tonk Man would be rolling over in his grave if….and then Hurricane realizes Honky Tonk Man isn’t dead. Marella explains the Honk-A-Meter and that he’s the champion of the whole world rather than just the United States, thereby making him better. Benjamin’s response is that he isn’t impressed. Benjamin wastes no time in kicking Marella in the face and adding a knee to the leg for a fast start. Paydirt hits…but here is R-Truth rapping through the crowd. The easily distracted Benjamin gets powerbombed off the middle rope to give Marella the pin.

Post match R-Truth asks What’s Up as Benjamin seethes.

Here is Big Show for a chat. He tells Vickie Guerrero that he’s got everything under control so sit back and watch Chavo Guerrero have a special match.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Great Khali/Mark Henry

A lot of slamming ensues, followed by Khali grabbing the Vice Grip for the total destruction in less than two minutes. It’s exactly what you would have expected.

Post match Show knocks Guerrero out with the big right hand. Show says he can do that to Undertaker just as easily and there’s the gong. Undertaker is in the ring and Show isn’t, meaning we get to wait even longer to see this.

Colons vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase

Before the match, Carlito says this was going to be a two on two match but Manu would be standing out there like an idiot so let’s make it a six man.

CM Punk/Colons vs. Cody Rhodes/Manu/Ted DiBiase

Primo rolls DiBiase up for a fast two and the Colons dropkick DiBiase and Rhodes out to the floor. Manu low bridges Carlito to the floor though and Rhodes sends him into the barricade to take over. Manu’s running headbutt sets up a middle rope stomp to give DiBiase two. The chinlock doesn’t last long and it’s back to Primo, who is quickly taken into the wrong corner. The crossface chickenwing works a bit better for Rhodes but he misses a dropkick, allowing Punk to come in. A high kick drops DiBiase and there’s the running knee/bulldog for two as everything breaks down. Carlito dives onto Manu and the GTS finishes DiBiase.

Rating: C+. Punk brought some charisma here and it helps to have him help boost up the new champions. Rhodes and DiBiase are associated with Randy Orton and Punk wants to get his hands on him so beating up the lackeys isn’t a bad way to go. The Colons get something out of it as well so this was a nice mixture.

Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool

Non-title lumberjack match. Phoenix grabs a front facelock to start and a wheelbarrow rollup is countered. A suplex drops Michelle again and we hit the Argentinean backbreaker. McCool kicks off the rope to escape and gets two off a rollup. A boot to the chest gives McCool two more and Phoenix is sent outside. The lumberjacks don’t do anything so McCool goes after her and gets beaten down. Back in and McCool tries to go up but gets caught by Maryse, allowing the Glam Slam to finish for Phoenix.

Rating: C. This was a good example of the problem with these matches, as there almost has to be some interference to protect the losing champion. In this case it was Maryse interfering, though there wasn’t much of a reason for this to be a lumberjack outside of setting it up. Phoenix continues to be ahead of everyone else in the division, though McCool didn’t do badly at all.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho.

No Mercy rundown.

Matt Hardy vs. HHH vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title. Jericho gets double teamed to start, with a suplex sending him down for a knee drop from HHH. Hardy sends him shoulder first into the post but HHH gives Hardy a DDT. Jericho is back up so HHH gives him a suplex for two, only to get hit with a clothesline. Back up and HHH hits his jumping knee on Jericho but gets pulled down by Hardy. A double triangle dropkick puts Hardy and HHH down on the floor as we take a break.

We come back with Jericho in control but HHH cuts him off with the spinebuster. The Pedigree is loaded up but Jericho catapults HHH into the corner, crotching Hardy on top in the process. The ensuing superplex is countered into a Tower Of Doom though and everyone is down.

Back up and Jericho misses the Lionsault, with HHH sending him into Hardy. That lets Jericho grab the Walls so Hardy makes a save, with a small package getting two. Jericho’s bulldog is broken up but Hardy gives him one of his own for another near fall. The Side Effect drops Jericho but HHH is back in with a Pedigree to pin Hardy.

Rating: B-. You could pretty much pencil in Hardy as the one taking the fall and since this is HHH’s show, the end result wasn’t exactly in doubt. The match was decent enough and everyone at least got in some, but it never got to some really good level. It’s a nice concept, though with ECW as a distant third brand, Hardy was little more than a sacrificial lamb.

Post match Jericho jumps both of them and brings in a ladder but Jeff Hardy runs in for the save. HHH goes after Jeff and gets taken down by a Twist Of Fate. Vladimir Kozlov comes in and lays out the good guys to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Well, it was an idea. The problem is I’m not sure how well it actually worked. The big Smackdown match for No Mercy, HHH vs. Jeff Hardy, barely got any focus save for the last two minutes for the show, where it was overshadowed by Vladimir Kozlov. Other than that, Big Show vs. Undertaker is hardly interesting and hasn’t been since it started. I did like the opener and main event, though that was more due to the people involved and a lot of them were guest stars. It’s not a terrible show, but this isn’t something that can be done every week and that’s a problem.

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Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles

It is pretty rare when you have a true one match card but that is what we have here, as Batista is defending the Smackdown World Title against the Undertaker inside the Cell. There might be a few other things going on here, but that has been treated as the be all and end all of the show, as it should be. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the history of the Survivor Series before we move on to this year’s preview.

ECW World Title: Miz vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk

Punk is defending and for the sake of sanity, I’ll only refer to him as champion. It’s a brawl to start with Punk getting double teamed down into the corner. Morrison catapults Punk into the corner but he comes out with a middle rope crossbody. Punk knocks Miz to the floor but the springboard clothesline is broken up to put Punk down again. Miz breaks up Punk’s springboard with a shot to the floor though and it’s a camel clutch to Punk.

That means Morrison comes in for the save, setting up a backbreaker into a neckbreaker to drop Punk again. A suplex from the apron gets two on Miz but he is right back with a running corner clothesline. Punk is back in with a hurricanrana to send Morrison into Miz for a powerbomb and a near fall. The running knee in the corner sets up the corner bulldog to give Punk two on Miz and a double underhook backbreaker onto the knee gets the same. Morrison is back up to go after Miz, only to be sent outside. That leaves Punk to GTS Miz and retain.

Rating: C+. Miz and Morrison’s rise continues as the two of them have become rather dependable on ECW, and now elsewhere. It makes sense to give them the Tag Team Titles and now we should be seeing even more of them. This was a good way to get the show going as Punk has to work to retain and Miz and Morrison have come far enough that they didn’t seem like cannon fodder.

We look at MVP turning on Matt Hardy, costing the two of them the Tag Team Titles.

MVP says Matt will not be wrestling tonight because he can’t walk. He is tired of being Matt’s latest crutch and he is better than any of his opponents tonight.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Layla/Victoria vs. Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool/Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson

One fall to a finish rather than elimination rules. Michelle suplexes Victoria to start and then kicks her in the face for two. Torrie comes in and gets swung into the side slam, only to come back with a suplex. It’s off to Jillian vs. Kelly, with the latter grabbing a rollup for two of her own. Phoenix comes in and plants Maria but a missed charge allows the hot tag to James to clean house. Everything breaks down and Mickie hits the Long Kiss Goodnight to finish Melina.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? It was a bunch of the good women vs. the bad women and there is only so much you’re going to get from a match like that. They didn’t have time to do anything and given some of the skill levels of the women involved, that is not a bad idea. The positive sign is that the women are making progress, but a lot of them still aren’t ready to be in a match like this. Leave this thing to Raw.

William Regal and Coach are ready to see Hornswoggle get crushed by Great Khali.

Randy Orton is ready to disappoint everyone and break the Heart Break Kid.

Shawn Michaels wants revenge. And the title.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Holly and Rhodes are challenging. Rhodes and Cade start things off with Cade grabbing a hiptoss for some early celebrating. A sunset flip gives Cody one and the headlock goes on. That just earns Cody a backbreaker to cut him off so it’s off to Murdoch for a change. Cody takes him into the corner and it’s Holly coming in to forearm away. The hanging kick to the low abdomen has Cade in trouble and the champs need a breather on the floor.

Back in and it’s an atomic drop into a running boot to Holly’s face as Murdoch takes over again. Cade atomic drops Murdoch into a legdrop on Cody for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. Holly suplexes his way out of trouble but Cade is right there with a clothesline. The second atomic drop/legdrop misses though and it’s Cody coming in to very little reaction to clean house. Everything breaks down and Murdoch Code Reds Cody to retain.

Rating: C-. This would have been fine on any given Raw, meaning it was a pretty disappointing pay per view match. Cade and Murdoch are fine as champions and Rhodes and Holly are getting there as a veteran/rookie team, but they aren’t ready for this kind of a match on pay per view. It was far from bad, but this match was sent out there to die and I think WWE knew that was going to happen.

Team HHH, which is down a man due to Matt Hardy’s knee injury, is ready for Team Umaga. Rey Mysterio talks about being an underdog, but that has never been Kane’s thing. Kane brings up the Katie Vick incident (and goes into details). Then Jeff Hardy reminds HHH of the time he put Jeff in the hospital. HHH: “Uh, my bad.” HHH says this is the night when they can come together and do something terrible, so let’s go do it.

Team Umaga vs. Team HHH

Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, Big Daddy V, MVP
HHH, Jeff Hardy, Kane, Rey Mysterio

Matt Striker is here with Big Daddy V. Rey and Kennedy get things going and it’s an early exchange of arm cranking. A running headscissors takes Kennedy down and a Code Red gives Rey two (so based on the previous match, Trevor Murdoch is better at Code Redding than Rey Mysterio). Hardy comes in and gets blasted by Kennedy so MVP comes in for a front facelock.

It’s off to V and the big beatdown ensues, only to have Hardy dive over for the tag to Kane. V belly to belly suplexes him down but Kane is right back up with a top rope clothesline. That doesn’t seem to bother V though as he hits a pair of drops (Samoan and elbow) for the elimination. HHH comes in to slug away on V but a clothesline puts him straight down. Umaga comes in with a belly to belly of his own but misses the middle rope headbutt.

That means Rey can come back in and the basement dropkick gets a quick two. The 619 into the springboard seated senton for two more but the springboard crossbody is countered into a wicked release Rock Bottom. The Samoan Spike gets rid of Rey and it’s 5-2. Kennedy tags himself in for some reason and misses a charge into the corner. Hardy misses the slingshot dropkick in the corner though and it’s MVP coming in with a chinlock. MVP misses a running kick though and the Twist of Fate gives Hardy a fast elimination.

HHH comes back in for a clothesline on Kennedy and the spinebuster follows. V comes in for the save but elbows Kennedy by mistake, allowing HHH to steal the pin. That doesn’t work for V, who pulls HHH outside and posts Hardy for a bonus. Back in and a double DDT plants V and HHH evens it up at 2-2.

Finlay starts dropping elbows on HHH before dropping some elbows on HHH. Back up and HHH makes it over for the tag without much effort and Hardy comes in with the slingshot dropkick in the corner. The Whisper in the Wind hit Finlay and the mule kick hits Umaga, allowing HHH to come back in. There’s the spinebuster to Finlay and the Pedigree leaves us with HHH/Hardy vs. Umaga. HHH avoids the running hip attack in the corner and it’s the Pedigree into the Swanton for the final pin.

Rating: B-. Not one of the all time classic Survivor Series matches but they set up HHH and Hardy as a pair of buzzsaws to run through the rest of the team. The HHH vs. Umaga feud has been pretty much decided multiple times now so the ending wasn’t exactly in doubt. This was more or less the Raw main event and it could have been worse, but I could have gone for a lot better for the one elimination match on the show.

We get a preview of Batista vs. Undertaker with a look at their Cell match in Smackdown vs. Raw 2008. Why Batista is wearing a Tag Team Title to the ring isn’t clear.

Vince McMahon sits down with Hornswoggle to explain why he made the match with Great Khali for tonight. Some people think that it is because Vince hates him, but it is really because he wants Hornswoggle to rise up like the McMahons do. Vince has been an underdog against Time Warner and the US government and he won. Now go win against Great Khali.

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Shane McMahon comes out to introduce Vince McMahon and then Hornswoggle for some family flavor. We even get an old school explanation of the rules as the fans want Shaquille O’Neal (in the front row) to help Hornswoggle, but Vince grabs the mic and says he doesn’t care what the fans want. Hornswoggle kicks the knee and then dropkicks Runjin Singh through the ropes. The green mist sets up some right hands but Khali chases Hornswoggle off. The distraction lets Hornswoggle grab the shillelagh but Vince takes it away. Khali loads up the Vice Grip, only to have Finlay come in for the DQ.

Rating: D. What is there to say about something like this? The match was a segment instead of anything competitive and that is all it was ever going to be. At the end of the day, the Hornswoggle/Vince story has run out of steam and adding Finlay into the mix isn’t likely to make things that much better. Maybe they can shift things around, but Vince needs to be on to something else.

Post match Finlay destroys Khali with the shillelagh and a low blow, allowing Hornswoggle to escape.

Wrestlemania XXIV is in Orlando.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels for the Raw World Title. Michaels came back in September and went after Orton, who had put him on the shelf. Orton kept getting superkicked but got disqualified last month. Now Michaels wants revenge but can’t use the superkick. If he does, the match is instantly over, but if Orton tries to get disqualified, he loses the title.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is challenging and we even get a weapons check. Feeling out process with Michaels grabbing a cravate of all things to start. Orton can’t even slam his way out of the cravate but he can drive Shawn into the corner for some right hands. Michaels is right back with a choke on the back before switching to a front facelock as you can feel the anger and hatred here.

Back up and Orton is sent outside, with Shawn hitting an Asai moonsault to take him down. They get back inside with Shawn grabbing a…..wait for it…..Sharpshooter. Orton makes the rope and gets in a poke to the eye, setting up the hanging DDT for two. Shawn fights up and slugs it out, setting up the forearm. More right hands have Orton in trouble but he’s right back with a dropkick for two.

Some slams give Michaels a breather and the top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music. That’s a head fake though and they trade some rollups for two each. Michaels grabs a Crossface instead but Orton gets a foot on the rope. The backbreaker cuts Michaels off again but he counters the Punt into an ankle lock of all things. The grapevine goes on in the middle, only to have Orton kick his way to freedom. Michaels’ Figure Four attempt is countered with a kick into the post so he teases the superkick but gets RKOed to retain Orton’s title.

Rating: B. Pretty good here, but the amount of stipulations they had going on made it a little difficult to believe that they were going to change the title here. Shawn not using the superkick at the end looked a bit awkward though and the ending only worked so well. They had a good match otherwise though, which has to be expected when it’s Shawn vs. Orton getting time.

Post match Orton talks trash to Shawn and gets superkicked.

SAVE US!

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker for Batista’s Smackdown World Title. They’ve fought several times this year and Batista finally beat him for the first time last month. Now it’s the big final showdown inside the Cell.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Batista is defending inside the Cell. They start fast with Batista hitting a hard clothesline but having to elbow his way out of a chokeslam attempt. Undertaker punches him into the corner and hits Snake Eyes into the running big boot. The chair is brought in but Batista spears him down. Undertaker’s clothesline gets two this time and they head outside with Undertaker hammering away.

A face rake against the Cell sets up a chair to the throat has Batista in a lot of trouble so Undertaker chairs him in the ribs for two. Old School is countered into a spinebuster (that was cool) for a delayed two and it’s time to slug it out again. Batista’s running powerslam gets two and they head outside with Undertaker getting blasted with a clothesline. Undertaker is fine enough to whip him into the steps and now a chair to the head has Batista busted open.

Old School is broken up again and Batista hits a superplex but Undertaker pulls him into the triangle choke. Since we’re in the Cell, the rope breaks the hold (erg) and they head outside again. This time Batista hits him in the face with the steps and now Undertaker is busted open too. Back in and a chokeslam gives Undertaker two but the Tombstone is countered into another spinebuster for another near fall.

It’s table time, with Batista tossing him through it for two more. The Batista Bomb onto the steps is countered into a backdrop onto the steps. Undertaker plants him with the chokeslam for two, followed by another onto the steps….and a cameraman breaks it up. That’s because the cameraman is Edge, who cameras Undertaker in the head. A Conchairto on the steps knocks Undertaker silly and Edge puts Batista (who saw nothing) on top to retain.

Rating: B+. These two beat the heck out of each other and it felt like a war, with the Edge interference being a great surprise to give them a back door out of the match. What mattered here is they kept things high impact here, which is exactly what these two do best. Let them go in there and hit all their power stuff until one of them can’t get up, which granted was due to some help in this case. You can all but guarantee the triple threat next month and that is a fresh way to go, so nicely done.

Post match, Edge takes Undertaker down again and leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The main events carry the show, but there is a really big gap between the top of the card and everything else. Even the third biggest match on the show doesn’t feel that important as the whole show was built around Batista vs. Undertaker. The show was a fun enough watch, but outside of the main event, it doesn’t feel like a lot of this matters in the long run.

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AND

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ECW On Sci-Fi
Date: September 23, 2008
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Matt Striker

The big story continues to be ECW Champion Matt Hardy dealing with Mark Henry, which is likely going to be quite the problem sooner rather than later. At the same time, there is a newcomer in the form of Jack Swagger, who is off to a rather nice start. The show still needs some fresh stars, but at least things have gotten a bit better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are the Miz and John Morrison to get things going. Miz isn’t happy with losing to Evan Bourne last week and blames Ricky Ortiz. We see a clip of the loss and therefore it’s time to mock Ortiz’s hair. They aren’t happy with being ignored for the sake of the “locker room freshmen” and mock Teddy Long. Morrison: “Long could never hang out at the palace of wisdom.”

Cue Long, who brings up the Superstar Initiative, though Morrison mocks Braden Walker for being gone after two matches. Long says the Initiative is continuing and Miz challenges Ortiz and Bourne for tonight. That doesn’t work for Long, as Bourne isn’t here and they know it. Ortiz comes out, with Miz and Morrison saying pick a partner because the two of them can beat anyone. Long loves the idea of the two of them beating anyone…so they can face each other! And the winner faces Ortiz immediately thereafter! That was rather clever and the wordplay worked.

We look at Kane beating up Evan Bourne last night. I get that it’s kane, but bragging about the new stars and then showing one of them getting beaten up on the bigger show isn’t the best visual.

Ricky Ortiz is ready for tonight when Tiffany comes up and seems to approve. Ortiz has something in his pocket (Teddy Long: “Is it appropriate?”) and pulls out one of his rally towels, which Tiffany puts around her neck. Tiffany: “I like it.”

Finlay vs. Bam Neely

Hornswoggle is here too. Finlay drops him with an early clothesline and sends Neely into the corner, followed by a seated senton for two. Neely is back up with some heavy forearms to the back but Finlay shrugs it off and hits a clothesline. Finlay gets dropped again though and Neely grabs a Boston crab. Hornswoggle offers the shillelagh and gets thrown down, with the distraction letting Finlay blast Neely with said shillelagh for the fast pin.

Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Non-title and I guess we have a light roster tonight. They go to the mat and slug it out to start, followed by McCool hitting a spear and hammering away. Maryse is sent outside but avoids a baseball slide and tosses McCool into the barricade. Back in and we hit the reverse chinlock, which JR thinks looks nothing like the Iron Sheik. McCool gets up and hits a dropkick, followed by a running flipping neckbreaker for two. Maryse manages to slam her off the top though and a DDT finishes McCool off.

Rating: C. You really can see the women coming along at this point and it’s great to watch. The match might not have been great, but it was a straight wrestling match with wrestlers who happened to be women. Given where the division has been before, this is rather impressive as the whole thing was basically being built up from scratch.

No Mercy rundown.

Here are Mark Henry and Tony Atlas for a chat. Henry says that Matt Hardy didn’t pin him to win the ECW Title because he can’t do it and never will. At No Mercy, Henry will show that he is the real champion and Hardy will learn it first hand.

Mike Knox vs. Chase Stevens

Stevens strikes away but gets booted in the face and splashed in the corner. A big running knee drop and the spinning Downward Spiral finish Stevens without much trouble.

Post match Jack Swagger comes out to powerbomb Stevens, which draws out Tommy Dreamer. Knox offers a distraction and Swagger powerbombs Dreamer as well.

Miz vs. John Morrison

The winner faces Ricky Ortiz after the match. Striker: “Who will be the Simon and who will be the Garfunkel?” Sweet goodness man. They trade rollups for two each until Morrison sends him crashing out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Morrison fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught with the corner clothesline for two.

The chinlock goes on again so Morrison fights up, only to get taken back down by a half nelson facebuster. Morrison shrugs that off and hits a running knee. Morrison knocks him down again and goes up, with Miz joining him on top. They both crash down and it’s actually a double countout.

Rating: C+. Much like the women earlier, you can see Miz getting that much better so quickly and it’s quite the impressive feat. He’s gone from a total joke to someone who can easily hold his own in the ring. That’s not something easily done and, along with Morrison, Miz is basically carrying this show. Nice match here, with the cop out ending making some sense this time.

Post match Ricky Ortiz runs in for the splashes to both of them to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t their strongest show, though I’ll take having some people come over from Smackdown for a week to boost things up. That’s one of the best things that can be done, as it’s not like this show’s roster has the depth to be interesting week in and week out. The new talent initiative can help, though they’re going to need a better success rate. It’s not a very good show, but I’m a bit more optimistic than I have been in the past.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 16, 2008
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

Matt Hardy’s reign continues around here and that means he still has to deal with Mark Henry. That’s quite an issue in its own right but tonight Henry has his hands full with Finlay. Other than that, last week saw the debut of a newcomer named Jack Swagger, who made quite the impact in his first match. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry is confirmed for No Mercy.

Matt Hardy vs. Mike Knox

Non-title. For some reason Striker talks about the lyrics to Hardy’s theme song as Hardy and Knox fight over a headlock. Knox goes with the power by slamming him down and dropping a knee to the ribs for two. The chinlock goes on so Hardy fights up to make the comeback. One heck of a clothesline drops Hardy, who pops right back up with the middle rope elbow to the head.

The Twist Of Fate is blocked so Hardy switches to a DDT for two instead. They head outside for a double clothesline and we take a break. We come back with Hardy fighting out of another chinlock but Knox hits a not so great dropkick. Knox takes him to the corner but Hardy elbows out and….I think misses a moonsault, though he still grazes Knox anyway. Either way, Knox covers him for two and we’re back to the chinlock. Back up and Hardy’s Side Effect gets two, followed by a tornado DDT. The Twist Of Fate finishes Knox off.

Rating: B-. This turned into a pretty decent match, though they would have been better off with less time, as Knox went to the chinlock too many times. There is always a place for a hero coming back from behind against a monster and that’s what you got here. Hardy has bigger problems coming soon enough, but at least he did well against a lower level villain.

Tony Atlas thinks Matt Hardy is looking good but Mark Henry says it’s only because Hardy isn’t in there against him. Henry blames Finlay for the title loss.

Miz vs. Evan Bourne

John Morrison and Ricky Ortiz are here too. Miz takes him into the corner to start but Bourne ducks a left hand and kicks away. Bourne is sent outside, meaning the seconds can yell at each other a bit. Back in and Miz forearms away in the ropes as commentary discusses the stock market.

An arm and leg crank have Bourne in more trouble but he fights out, only to get dropped with a heck of a clothesline. Bourne is back up with a kick to the head and a running hurricanrana. Miz goes up and gets thrown back down, only for Morrison to trip Bourne. Ortiz cuts that off and Bourne gets a rollup pin.

Rating: C+. Miz was clearly getting better in the ring at this point and was turning from a joke to a joke who could do some things between the ropes for a change. That’s the kind of development you do not see very often and it’s nice to see it happening here. At the same time, Bourne is already looking like someone worth watching and Ortiz…well have you seen Miz and Bourne?

Raw Rebound.

Jack Swagger vs. Chase Stevens

Swagger wrestles him down to start but Stevens manages to get in a shot of his own. That earns him a drive into the corner, followed by a running knee. The belly to belly drops Stevens again and the Blue Thunder Bomb finishes Stevens fast.

Finlay vs. Mark Henry

Hornswoggle and Tony Atlas are here too and this is fallout from Finlay hitting him with the shillelagh last week. Finlay circles him a bit to start before getting knocked down with an elbow to the head. Henry goes with the power but Finlay is back up to forearm away. That earns him a standing body block as Henry isn’t having any of this. Finlay gets knocked into the announcers’ table and we take a break.

We come back with Henry sending Finlay into the apron as Striker talks about people crying at the ocean. Henry slams him down again as Striker moves on to Undertaker beating Hogan in this town six years ago. Finlay fights back and hits some forearms to the chest but Atlas shoves Hornswoggle. That lets Henry go after Hornswoggle so Finlay gets in a Shillelagh shot to the arm.

Finlay works on the arm back inside and gets two off a rollup. It’s so close that the fans pop for the count but the referee has to wave it off. Finlay sits on the chest and goes after the arm again but Henry powers him into the corner. The splash sets up the World’s Strongest Slam to give Henry the pin.

Rating: B-. Finlay is one of those unique stars who can make almost anything work and he pulled it off here. There is only so much that you can do with someone the size of Henry, though he’s rapidly figuring out how to be a monster. Keep that up and he can play his role well, especially with a veteran like Finlay.

Overall Rating: B-. Nice enough show here, as there are some fresh stars around here to spice things up a bit. Swagger has done well to start so far and Miz and Morrison are getting that much better rather quickly. Throw in Hardy as the big star of the show and fighting the monster that is Henry and I had a good time with this one.

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Battle Royal Collection
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon, Vince McMahon, Joey Styles, Bill Mercer, Tony Schiavone

Well, as usual the Vault saves me from having to come up with a catchy name for these things. It’s one of those deals where the idea is right there and we have a bunch of these to go through. This should be interesting as battle royals can go in all kinds of directions, often out of nowhere. Let’s get to it.

From Smackdown, January 13, 2006.

World Heavyweight Championship: Battle Royal

Bobby Lashley, JBL, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Sylvan, Nunzio, Super Crazy, Simon Dean, Matt Hardy, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Mark Henry, Rey Mysterio, Kurt Angle, Orlando Jordan, Vito, Animal, William Regal, Psicosis, Paul Burchill

For the vacant title after Batista got injured. Angle is a surprise so JBL goes after him and is quickly suplexed. Angle tosses JBL and Vito so a bunch of people jump Angle at once. An early elimination attempt is blocked as Angle slips back under the ropes, allowing him to go after Mysterio. That’s broken up and Mysterio can’t get rid of Jordan. Animal and Henry have the big slugout with Henry knocking him out.

We take a break and come back with Dean having been eliminated, followed by Nunzio and Jordan being tossed as well. Angle throws out Regal and Burchill but Henry jumps him from behind. Henry knocks Angle outside and follows him (neither are eliminated) as London is tossed. A gorilla press sends Angle through the announcers’ table to leave him laying and Henry gets back inside. Lashley gives Henry a running shoulder but knocks himself down, allowing Henry to kick him out. Kendrick is out as well and we take another break.

We come back with Hardy getting rid of Sylvan, leaving us with Hardy, Henry, Mercury, Mysterio and Nitro, plus Angle on the floor. Henry gets rid of Hardy and Mysterio eliminates Nitro and Mercury. Mysterio realizes he’s alone with Henry but loads up the Eddie Dance to show he’s serious. Some kicks to the leg stagger Henry and the 619 connects. Another one hits the ribs and Mysterio tries to pull him out, only to get sent to the apron.

A springboard is pulled out of the air though and Mysterio is tossed, but Angle gets up. The straps come down and Angle hammers away but Henry runs him over. Back up and an Angle Slam drops Henry, who is right back with a running splash in the corner. Angle manages a headscissors choke but Henry powerbombs the heck out of him for the break. They get up again and Angle hits a German suplex, followed by the front facelock. Angle can’t get him out but another headscissors lets Angle get the elimination and the title at 23:57.

Rating: B-. They weren’t hiding the fact that Angle was the heavy favorite here, but Henry felt like a monster in his own right. There’s nothing wrong with letting you know what’s going to happen from a mile away on occasion and that was the case here. Angle is a good choice for the last minute champion and the fans were into what they were seeing, so I’ll take what we got here.

From Saturday Night’s Main Event X.

Battle Royal

Honky Tonk Man, Sika, Ax, Smash, Koko B. Ware, Nikolai Volkoff, Hillbilly Jim, Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Paul Orndorff, Lanny Poffo, Butch Reed, Tama, Billy Jack Haynes, Haku, Blackjack Mulligan, Hercules, Ron Bass

Commentary completely ignores everyone other than Hogan and Andre during the entrances and…well yeah. Hogan and Andre square off but Orndorff and others jump them to start fast. Honky Tonk Man is out in a hurry and Andre gets rid of Sika as well. Andre beats up Jim and Mulligan before tossing out Haku with ease. One heck of a headbutt busts Poffo open and Andre tosses him in a hurry.

Poffo is gushing blood on the floor as he’s taken out on a stretcher as Andre beats on Mulligan (who stands 6’6 and weighs about 350lbs and is dwarfed by Andre). Bass is out and Mulligan follows him. Hogan dumps Volkoff as Ventura is begging to see Hogan vs. Andre. There goes Blair and Hogan is whipped into Andre and HERE WE GO!

Hogan slugs away and Ware of all people jumps Andre. Thanks you bird brain. Hogan dumps Orndorff but Andre grabs Hogan for the headbutts and tosses him with no trouble. We take a break and come back with Hogan still leaving and a bunch of people getting together to toss Andre, who takes the interest in the match with him.

Hercules tosses Tama and Ax is gone. Smash dumps Hillbilly and Ware dropkicks Reed out to get us down to four. We have a bizarre tag match of Smash and Hercules against Ware and Haynes (sounds Lethal Lotteryish). Ware is tossed and a double clotheslines has Haynes in trouble. Haynes manages to dump Smash though and slugs it out with Hercules. Cue Bobby Heenan on the apron for a distraction though and Hercules dumps Hayes for the win at 11:16.

Rating: C+. This was a tale of two battle royals, as you have everything before the Hogan vs. Andre showdown/eliminations and then everything after them. That’s where things fall apart, because there was no reason to care in the slightest after the two of them were gone. Andre was feeling like a monster though and the heat for the showdown with Hogan was great, so I’ll let the rest slide.

From Superstars, February 25, 1995.

Battle Royal

Sionne, Fatu, Jacob Blu, Jerry Lawler, King Kong Bundy, Duke Droese, Aldo Montoya, 1-2-3 Kid, Mantaur, Mabel, Jimmy Del Ray, Adam Bomb, Bob Holly, Mo, Shawn Michaels, British Bulldog, Kwang, Henry Godwinn, Eli Blu, Tom Pritchard

Michaels runs away from a mob and eliminates himself to spare quite a bit of pain. We settle way down with everyone brawling and no one really coming close to being eliminated. Lawler has to run away from Mabel and we slow down again. Jacob is knocked over the top to finally get rid of someone else and we take a break. We come back with Godwinn backdropping Droese out, which Lawler finds hilarious. Del Ray is out and Mabel splashes Bundy onto Kwang in the corner. Holly clotheslines Montoya out and Godwinn is gone as well, followed by Fatu.

Bomb and Pritchard are both out and Kid fires off the kicks to Lawler in the corner. Bundy and Mantaur get rid of Mabel, with Bundy saying he did it by himself. A bunch of people toss Bundy and we take another break. We come back with Holly getting tossed and we’re down to six. Kid and Smith get Lawler out to the apron but he hangs on, even landing on one foot to stay alive. Lawler tells the audience to stay quiet because he’s still officially in.

Cue Bret Hart to look at the hopping Lawler, with a rather amusing look on his face. Lawler tries to hop away (Vince: “He looks like a demented kangaroo out there.”) but Hart stomps on his foot and that’s enough for Lawler in a funny bit. Hart beats on him a bit more and we’re down to five.

Kwang misses a spinwheel kick and gets eliminated by Bulldog. That leaves us with Bulldog, Eli, Kid and Mantaur, with Eli tossing Kid. Bulldog gets rid of Mantaur and the powerslam hits “either Jacob or Eli” but here is Michaels to cheap shot Bulldog so Eli can take over. Then Bulldog low bridges Eli out anyway for the win at 13:51.

Rating: D. The only entertaining part here was the Hart segment and this was a really lame battle royal as a result. Bulldog was the only realistic winner near the end and that made for a long stretch until the finish. Nothing to see here and given that it was the doldrums of 1995, that shouldn’t be a surprise in the slightest.

From ECW Hardcore TV, December 24, 1996.

Battle Royal

This is a King Of The Hill battle royal, meaning pinfall, submission or over the top eliminations. Taz is in the ring (but not an entrant) when the lights go out and Sabu is in at #1. The Eliminators (Saturn and Kronus) are in at #2 and #3 and give Sabu a pair of Total Eliminations. Taz heads outside to yell at Sabu as New Jack and Mustafa (the Gangatas) are in at #4 and #5.

A mini tag match breaks out while Sabu is down and Taz leaves. Another pair of Total Eliminations hit the Gangstas and the Eliminators eliminate them. Sabu gets dropped with a rather rough spike piledriver as Rob Van Dam is in at #6. Van Dam (and his snazzy pants) can’t do much on his own but Sabu is back up for the save as another tag match breaks out. Balls Mahoney (he’s new at this point) is in at #7 and the fans think he’s fat. Spike Dudley is in at #8 as Van Dam hits a nasty looking springboard kick to Mahoney’s face.

Things settle down a bit as it’s more of a standard brawl, which is pretty logical for ECW. Little Guido is in at #9 and is immediately kicked in the face by Saturn. Another Total Elimination gets rid of Spike and Bubba Ray Dudley is in at #10. Bubba shrugs off Guido’s forearms and gorilla presses him out for the big crash. Van Dam and Mahoney are out, leaving us with the Eliminators vs. Sabu/Bubba.

Chris Candido is in at #11 to help Saturn break up Sabu’s camel clutch on Bubba (so much for that partnership). Saturn saves Candido from Sabu and hits a powerbomb but Sabu is back up with a springboard clothesline to the Eliminators. Brian Lee is in at #11 as Candido eliminates Kronus. Bubba is knocked out by Lee and Shane Douglas is in at #12. Douglas stomps away at Saturn and Candido gets two on Sabu.

Tommy Dreamer is in at #13 and Douglas panics, eliminating himself rather than face Dreamer. Saturn and Dreamer drop everyone else, with Saturn superkicking Candido through the ropes. Sabu is back up with a double clothesline to Candido as D-Von Dudley is in at #14. Lee has a chair to clean house until Sabu takes it away and chairs D-Von for two. Sandman is in at #15 and goes after Saturn as the ring is starting to get full. Saturn is kicked out and Sabu moonsaults D-Von for two.

Louie Spicoli is in at #16 and tosses Candido out and a bunch of people go after D-Von for two more. Lee tosses Dreamer and Spicoli as the Blue World Order is in at Stevie Cool, Nova and the Blue Meanie are in at #17, #18 and #19. The Stevie Kick gets rid of D-Von but Lee takes out Meanie and Nova (his teammates in Raven’s Nest). Another Stevie Kick hits Sandman but Lee tosses Richards as well. Lee tosses Sandman, only to get clotheslined out by Sabu for the win at 19:45.

Rating: C+. It’s ECW so your mileage is absolutely going to vary, but what matters the most is that this felt different. ECW didn’t do this kind of match very often and it made things that much more interesting. Sabu going wire to wire is fine as he’s such a fan favorite and the people were happy throughout. Nice little surprise here and that’s a good thing.

From World Class Championship Wrestling TV, January 7, 1983.

Battle Royal

Wild Bill Irwin, Bugsy McGraw, King Kong Bundy, Terry Gordy, Kerry Von Erich, Andre The Giant

Pinfall, submission or over the top. Von Erich charges at Gordy to start before the bell. Andre comes in and we’re ready to go. Michael Hayes offers a distraction on the floor though and Von Erich is out in a hurry. That’s not ok with Von Erich, who goes back in to go after Gordy again. Von Erich is finally dragged out as Andre chokes Gordy for a change. Bundy hammers and chokes Andre, who doesn’t seem to notice.

A middle rope ax handle finally drops Andre, who falls onto Gordy in a funny spot. McGraw is tossed as Andre chokes Gordy on the mat. Bundy and Irwin go after Andre for the save but he gets up and chokes Gordy again (Does Gordy owe him money or something?). A headbutt knocks Bundy down and of course it’s time to choke Gordy again. Andre headbutts Irwin and chokes Gordy AGAIN like he’s in a slasher movie.

Bundy gets punched through the ropes and Andre gets to massage Gordy’s throat some more. Irwin and Bundy try to help Gordy again and it works for all of two seconds before Gordy accidentally drops Bundy. Some triple teaming slows Andre down as the fans are all behind him. They manage to get Andre down to his knees and the mat, but he gets back to his feet again.

Irwin hammers away but Andre fights up and atomic drops Irwin out. Hayes saves Gordy from elimination so Andre eliminates himself to give chase. So we’re down to Bundy vs. Gordy as Andre realizes how much he just screwed up. Bundy slams Gordy for two but misses s the Avalanche. Gordy dropkicks him in the back for the win at 12:57.

Rating: C+. This was ok enough, but at the same time it was mainly only funny for Andre’s near stalker killer movie villain obsession with Gordy. Andre went after him time after time and it was rather entertaining, with even commentary wondering what was with Andre’s obsession. Von Erich being pretty much nothing here was kind of weird, but Andre made up for him leaving so soon.

From Battlebowl 1993.

Battlebowl

Cactus Jack, Vader, Johnny B. Badd, Brian Knobbs, Shockmaster, Paul Orndorff, King Kong, Dustin Rhodes, Sting, Jerry Sags, Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Rick Rude, Shanghai Pierce, Hawk, Rip Rogers

Rogers is very banged up after getting beaten up earlier in the night. It’s the usual brawl to start and Rogers is out first, which is quite logical. Pierce is out as well as commentary admits there is too much going on to call here. Austin and Flair go outside (not eliminated) to brawl and Badd is sent to the ramp, which is NOT an elimination (as covered by commentary). Not that it matters as Badd is out a few seconds later.

Back in and Orndorff tries to toss Flair, with Hawk making a save to leave Ventura annoyed/confused. Jack loads up a superplex on Vader (of course) but gets broken up, allowing Vader to toss Jack out. Orndorff is out as well and the fans are not pleased with either of those two. Kong and the Shockmaster are both eliminated and the ring is a lot more clear. Vader gorilla presses Sting to the ramp (again, not out) but Sting comes back in to choke Vader in the corner.

Sags and Vader save Knobbs from Sting, who then saves Flair from Vader for some reason. Flair goes outside (not out) to go after Harley Race as Sting goes after the Nasty Boys at the same time. Back up and Vader runs Sting over before Flair beats up Knobbs, which isn’t something you see very often. Rhodes and Austin brawl to the floor, again without going over the top as we’ve gone a long time without an elimination. Rhodes gets posted and busted open and we slow way down, with commentary pointing it out as well.

Back up and Knobbs, Sags, Rhodes, Rude and Hawk all being eliminated in VERY short order. Well that picked up the pace. We’re down to Austin, Vader, Sting and Flair (not bad) as Rhodes is being led out and looks to have had his bell rung. Sting suplexes Austin and Vader misses a charge at Flair in the corner, leaving Flair to beat up Race on the ramp. Vader goes out for the save as Sting clotheslines Austin in the ring.

Sting and Austin join the other two on the ramp as this is not following proper battle royal procedures. The trainer comes out to check on Flair so Vader kicks him too. Flair is stretchered out and is officially eliminated due to injury. Naturally Race tries to turn the stretcher over, because that’s the kind of thing Race would do. Vader gorilla presses Sting back into the ring but Sting pops up and powerslams a diving Vader out of the air.

House is quickly cleaned with a bunch of clotheslines but the numbers game finally catches him in the corner. Austin gets in a rather impressive middle rope elbow (and has to stop himself from covering) before Vader drops Sting again. Vader hits two splashes but Sting avoids the third and makes the comeback on Austin.

Sting gets dropped again though and the Vader Bomb crushes him. Vader has hurt his own back though and Austin misses a top rope splash. Sting backdrops Austin onto the ramp and he falls onto the floor, which apparently counts as an elimination. So believe it or not, it’s Vader vs. Sting, with Vader hitting another splash. Sting avoids a charge though and fireman’s carries Vader onto the top, only to miss the Stinger Splash and eliminate himself so Vader wins at 25:35.

Rating: B-. This took some time but there is something about watching Sting and Vader no matter what they’re doing. Throw in Austin out there and getting to see Flair taking a beating and I couldn’t complain that much. It’s one of those things that works even with the extra time, though the ending was kind of out of nowhere and didn’t make Vader look that strong.

From Smackdown, November 29, 2011.

Battle Royal

Curt Hawkins, Ted DiBiase, Ezekiel Jackson, JTG, Johnny Curtis, Darren Young, Tyler Reks, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Jinder Mahal, Hunico, Percy Watson, Yoshi Tatsu, Titus O’Neil, Sheamus, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Hornswoggle, Kofi Kingston, Heath Slater

The winner gets a Christmas wish. Hornswoggle goes under the ring to start, leaving Sheamus (the Great White, in something that actually made air) tosses Young. Jimmy Uso is out as well, followed by JTG. Cole rants about how much guest host Mick Foley loves Christmas as Jackson dumps Hawkins. Sheamus pounds Jackson down and ducks a clothesline to get rid of him.

Curtis (Fandango) is gone and there goes Jey Uso and Kingston back to back. Tatsu and DiBiase are out, with Hornswoggle popping out from underneath the ring to pull Kidd out as well. We take a break and come back with the graphics messing up (which I believe was another Chris Jericho return), plus Gabriel being eliminated. O’Neil plants Reks but gets clotheslined out by Sheamus.

Reks jumps Sheamus from behind and gets pummeled but runs outside for a breather. Everyone goes to the floor for the brawl, with Sheamus being sent into the barricade. The non-Sheamuses get back inside but realize that they have to get rid of Hornswoggle as well. Hornswoggle is thrown back inside and can’t escape, with Slater throwing him down. Sheamus comes back in for the save and quickly eliminates everyone not named Hornswoggle.

Sheamus tells him to get out but Hornswoggle says he wants Sheamus out instead. Hornswoggle kicks him in the shin so Sheamus calls him a lunatic. Sheamus easily picks him up but Hornswoggle hangs onto the top rope. In a not so bright move, Sheamus goes over the top to pull Hornswoggle off the ropes. He tells Hornswoggle (who went through the ropes) to get down, but first Hornswoggle wants a hug. Hornswoggle shoves him off the apron for the clever win at 14:01. Hornswoggle would use the wish to be able to talk, which he could do before but was forgotten for the sake of the match.

Rating: C. Yeah I can’t get that mad at some like this. It was a goofy, lighthearted battle royal for the holiday special. Hornswoggle winning is a good way to go as the fans were behind him, especially when he finds an easy way to eliminate Sheamus and win. It wasn’t particularly good, but the result was charming enough.

Post match Sheamus is mad but raises Hornswoggle’s hand in holiday spirit.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a good example of why you don’t have multiple battle royals very often. Some of what we got here was fine enough, but seeing them over and over got repetitive. That is only going to get you so far and it was only so interesting. I did like that they offered a nice mixture of stuff from promotions, which is one of the places where the Vault tends to shine.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 2, 2008
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

It’s the last ECW before Unforgiven and I have no idea what they’re going to do with this week. At the end of the day, there is nothing left for them to do before the Championship Scramble and that isn’t overly promising. These shows are only so interesting in the first place and this isn’t giving me much more hope. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Killer Kowalski.

We open with the Dirt Sheet, with John Morrison saying he once beat Stephen Hawkins at Parcheesi 44 times in a row. Miz is ready to win the ECW Title in his hometown at Unforgiven, even if Morrison didn’t qualify. Morrison says he’s been to the top of the mountain and had time to drink a soda (I shouldn’t be chuckling this much at John Morrison), that is bogus.

With that out of the way, here is our first guest, so cue ECW Champion Mark Henry, with Tony Atlas. Morrison says this will be better tonight and they won’t even make fun of Henry’s belt extender. Henry isn’t happy but here is second guest, Chavo Guerrero, with his theme music replaced by a Miz and Morrison performed hummed version (Henry is completely unable to hide his smile).

Chavo isn’t happy, so Morrison tells Kerwin in the truck to come see him after the show. Chavo wants his ECW Title back but Morrison says he lost it like six months ago so he should be over it. We move on to Finlay, who can’t be here tonight because he couldn’t find a babysitter for Hornswoggle. Instead, we have Finlay’s family, which is Morrison and Miz on the Titantron in front of a bar, doing some very bad Irish accents.

Miz starts doing a dance and everyone is just openly smiling and laughing. The real Finlay and Hornswoggle come out, with Hornswoggle kicking Uncle Miz in the leg. Morrison is ready to bring out Jeff Hardy (Miz: “It’s Matt.” Morrison: “Whatever.”), who Finlay remembers beating Morrison to qualify for the Scramble. Hardy mocks everyone, including Bam Neely, but Henry doesn’t want to hear this.

Henry threatens Hardy, who hopes that Atlas gets some rest on Saturday because he has a lot of saves to make at Unforgiven. Morrison and Miz jump Hardy and the brawl is on so here are Tommy Dreamer and Evan Bourne to get in on this. Nothing special brawl, absolutely hilarious stuff from Miz and Morrison.

Post break the fight almost breaks out again in the back but Teddy Long makes the eight man tag. And don’t worry about ruining the Dirt Sheet, because it was ruined when Miz started talking.

Gavin Spears vs. Super Crazy

Spears says this is his second chance to make a first impression and he’s ready to go. Crazy spins out of a wristlock to start and pulls Spears into a quickly escaped leglock. Back up and Spears fires off some knees to the chest before going with a more basic stomp to the back of Crazy’s head. Crazy fights up and gets taken right back down and Spears grabs something like a crossface. That’s broken up as well and Crazy kicks him down, setting up a quick moonsault for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s pretty easy to see why Spears didn’t take on his first attempt on the main roster. Nothing he did here stood out in any way and it made for a dull match. Crazy was a fine choice to work with him as Crazy can do stuff with just about anyone, but this wasn’t working and it showed badly.

Ricky Ortiz vs. Ryan Braddock

Ortiz, who is still undefeated, manages to get about a dozen people spinning his towel. If you can’t get that over in Pittsburgh, just pack it in already man. Braddock grabs a headlock to start but Ortiz fights out. That doesn’t last long either as Braddock comes back with a middle rope knee to the head for two.

Striker makes a Welcome Back Kotter reference and I dislike that I’m smiling a bit as a result. Ortiz fights out of a chinlock so Braddock knees him in the head. The chinlock goes on again for a bit longer this time but Ortiz gets up again. A sitout powerslam sets up a middle rope shoulder, followed by the Big O to give Ortiz the pin.

Rating: C. Ortiz is the definition of “he’s there” and that’s not going to work long term. There was nothing to the match and nothing makes Ortiz stand out. The deal is that he’s undefeated and in theory he’ll put over a bigger name eventually, but that doesn’t make this any easier to watch. Braddock was nothing more than a warm body for Ortiz to beat up, though Braddock does at least have a decent look.

Raw Rebound, focusing entirely on Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho, with the title situation not even being mentioned.

WWE is at the Republican National Convention.

Unforgiven rundown.

Evan Bourne/Tommy Dreamer/Matt Hardy/Finlay vs. John Morrison/Chavo Guerrero/Mark Henry/Miz

The respective seconds are here too. Hardy and Morrison start things off before Dreamer comes in to take over. Finlay adds a clothesline but gets taken into the corner for the tag off to Guerrero. An atomic drop gets Finlay out of trouble and another clothesline connects. Finlay is back up and ties Chavo in the ring skirt so Hornswoggle can take Neely out as we take a break.

Back with what sounds like Morrison calling Hornswoggle a bet wetter, plus Guerrero giving Bourne a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Bourne is back up to kick Miz down and a standing moonsault gets two. Henry comes in to launch Bourne into the air for a crash and it’s back to Miz for a chinlock.

Bourne gets sent outside for a stomping from Neely, and a running knee from Morrison, which is at least more legal. The chinlock goes on back inside and Bourne is driven back into the corner for daring to fight up. Bourne finally manages a hurricanrana to Guerrero and it’s off to Dreamer to clean house. A bulldog gets two on Guerrero but Henry comes in to start the smashing.

Some knees in the corner set up a crossface chickenwing from Guerrero but Dreamer is out pretty quickly. Hardy comes back in, only for Henry to drop him with a clothesline. The splash misses though and Broune is up with the shooting star press. Dreamer adds a frog splash and Finlay clears out the rest of the team. The Twist Of Fate gives Hardy the pin to quite the crowd reaction.

Rating: B-. This worked rather well and felt like a big time house show main event. Above all else, I’ll take it over the usual matches we see around here. It helps when you have a match to build towards rather than just doing the same stuff over and over again. Hardy continues to feel like the biggest star around here and building around him is far from a bad idea. The rest of the people did fine, but this was about Hardy and Henry, which makes sense.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event was the only match that was worth seeing and they actually did a nice job of setting things up for Sunday’s title match. Throw in the outstandingly funny opening segment and it was more than enough to carry the other lame matches. It wasn’t a great show or anything, but I laughed more than once at the Dirt Sheet and I’ll take that every time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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