Smackdown
Date: November 16, 2007
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Wichita, Kansas
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and that means it is time for Undertaker and Batista to stare at each other because their title match in the Cell has been set for a few weeks now. Other than that, we don’t have much, but I could go for more of Jamie Noble, who has been a gem in recent weeks. I’m not sure how they fill two hours with that but let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a video on Batista vs. Undertaker inside the Cell. That’s about as big as it gets on this show.

Opening sequence.

Jeff Hardy vs. Finlay

Non-title and commentary explains that the GM’s have agreed that the Brand Split is out the window for this week. Finlay takes him into the corner for a rare clean break to start before going with a rather simple armbar. Hardy isn’t having that and picks up the pace by sending Finlay outside for a dive.

Back in and Jeff is sent shoulder first into the post and things slow right back down. The chinlock goes on, with Finlay adding in some elbows for two. Hardy tries to fight out but Finlay goes aerial with a basement dropkick, setting up another chinlock. Back up and Finlay sends him into the corner, allowing Jeff to hit a quick Whisper in the Wind. The slingshot dropkick is loaded up so Finlay grabs the shillelagh but the referee grabs it and calls for the DQ.

Rating: C+. I like the ending here and there is something fun about watching Finlay take someone apart. It is what he does best and you can believe that he is capable of hurting just about anyone you put him in there against. If nothing else, I can go for seeing the Intercontinental Champion not taking a pin in a match designed to set up another one.

Jeff clears Finlay out.

We look at Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels in the first Cell match.

Here is Undertaker for a chat. Undertaker talks about how evil the Cell is but no one comes out of it the same. He has been in it more than anyone else so let’s call it the Deadman’s Playground. On Sunday, Batista’s fate will be the same as everyone else and he will lose the World Heavyweight Championship. Oh and he will rest in peace. Much like Batista last week, this was short and to the point, which is a good thing.

Beth Phoenix/Victoria vs. Mickie James/Torrie Wilson

Mickie and Victoria start things off with Mickie getting out of a wristlock and grabbing a victory roll for two. Phoenix comes in to take Mickie down by the hair but Mickie sends her into the corner. That’s enough for the tag to Torrie, who gets in some forearms before Phoenix grabs her with a side slam. The Glam Slam finishes Torrie without much trouble.

Jeff Hardy goes to take care of some personal plans, which is cool with Matt Hardy. Kind of a random interaction.

Undertaker destroyed Mankind in and outside of the Cell.

It’s time for the VIP Lounge and MVP gets straight to the point by bringing in Matt Hardy as his guest. MVP talks about how they have been rivals but became partners and champions. Matt likes the sound of that, but brings up MVP pulling Jeff Hardy off the apron on ECW and injuring him to win a tag match. MVP’s explanation: he was in a wrestling match and tried to win! That’s not good enough for Matt, who wants his US Title shot. MVP says they need to worry about the Tag Team Titles but Matt says they aren’t friends. Matt wants his title shot right now….but MVP says they have to defend the Tag Team Titles RIGHT NOW.

Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Miz/John Morrison

Miz and Morrison are challenging. Miz takes MVP into the corner for a clean break to start so MVP knees him in the head. The running boot in the corner tweaks MVP’s knee though and that means it’s off to Hardy. Morrison comes in and starts going off Matt’s knee so the champs can match. A clothesline gives Matt a breather but Morrison twists the knee right back down. Matt fights up again and tries the Twist of Fate but Miz chop blocks him and covers for the pin and titles in a big upset.

Rating: D+. That ending screams shenanigans and it would not surprise me to see something screwy happen after the match. MVP and Hardy did some great things as Tag Team Champions but at some point you have to move on to the next point in the story. That seems to be where we are going now and that is better than almost anything else they could do.

Post match MVP says not so fast because the rematch is being cashed in RIGHT NOW (while referring to Miz and Morrison as 98 Degrees and N’Sync).

Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Miz/John Morrison

Miz and Morrison are defending. Joined in progress with the limping MVP hammering on Miz until the knee buckles. Matt comes in so Miz takes him down by the leg and starts cranking away. The Mizard of Oz gets two on Matt and Morrison grabs a half crab. That’s switched into something like a kneebar on the mat and Matt taps to retain the new champs’ titles.

Post match MVP helps Matt up…and then takes out the knee again. The big beatdown is on, with Matt’s knee being crushed in the steps. A shinbreaker onto the steps makes Matt scream and MVP’s leg seeming just fine.

Undertaker shoved Rikishi off the top of the Cell.

Survivor Series rundown.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey has bad ribs coming in but is fine enough to snap off an armdrag. Kennedy gets sent out to the floor fast but is ready for the dive, leaving Rey in the ring as we take a break. Back with Kennedy going for the mask before settling for a shot to the ribs to keep Rey in trouble. Some shoulders in the corner and a suplex give Kennedy two, setting up the bodyscissors.

Kennedy cranks away until Rey (who shouts that he can’t breathe) makes the rope so it’s out to the floor with the ribs being sent into various things. A torture rack of all things stays on the ribs until Rey slips out for a rollup and a near fall. Rey manages a spinning DDT to put them both down for a breather.

Back up and Rey hits the springboard spinning crossbody, setting up the springboard seated senton. A big kick to the head gives Rey two but Kennedy is right back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two of his own. The 619 looks to set up Dropping The Dime but Kennedy is too far away so Rey gets back inside. Kennedy takes him down again and loads up the Green Bay Plunge. That takes too long as well though, allowing Rey to hit a super hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C+. Another case of two talented wrestlers having a good match and that is not the biggest surprise. Smackdown has been having these longer matches to give the show a more old school wrestling feel and that is a nice thing to see. This was a nice preview for Survivor Series and it actually gives one of the teams a bit more momentum for once.

Undertaker beat up Randy Orton in the Cell.

It’s time for the official weigh-in between Great Khali and Hornswoggle. After they both come out, Hornswoggle goes first and weighs 138lbs. Khali tries and breaks the scale, with Michael Cole saying that if Khali weighs 420lbs, he’ll outweigh Hornswoggle by more than 280lbs. Runjin Singh translates Khali’s rant about the people he has hurt. Then we get a photo opportunity between then and Hornswoggle cries, with Khali pointing at him and tearing up Hornswoggle’s hat.

Batista vs. Mark Henry

Non-title and No DQ. Batista knocks him down to start and they’re on the floor in a hurry. Back in and Batista works on the arm before going with a slam to show off. A belt shot to the head finishes Henry fast. This was similar to Undertaker vs. Great Khali last week, but without as much Khali.

Post match Batista takes him outside for a whip into the steps. Batista chokes him with a camera cord and spears him down. Cole attributes this to the Cell possessing his soul, but Batista cuts him off with some chair shots to Henry. Undertaker’s face appears on the Titantron (though Batista’s bugged out eye look easily tops it) to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked this show a pretty good bit as they set up some other Survivor Series matches aside from the main event. You can only get so far with the focus being on that one match and it is the kind of build that Survivor Series needed. Good show here, with some longer matches that made me want to see the pay per view that much more.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2007
Location: Kansas Expo Center, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. Last week’s show was some weird offshoot that didn’t do much to make me want to see Survivor Series, but at least the pay per view looks good on paper. That could make for an interesting week here so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a special Veterans Day video.

Here is Smackdown World Champion Batista to get things going. He is getting ready for the Undertaker inside the Cell on Sunday and he is here because of an invitation from Raw General Manager William Regal. Batista wants some competition and here is Undertaker to interrupt. Undertaker seems ready to fight and we have a referee but cue Regal to interrupt, because we’re going to have a tag match.

Batista/Undertaker vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Undertaker starts fast with Old School on Cade but Batista tags himself in for some shoulders to the ribs. Murdoch comes in and shoulders Batista down but a spinebuster gets Batista out of trouble. Undertaker chokeslams Cade and Batista spears Murdoch. The Tombstone finishes Cade in a hurry, because the Tag Team Champions should be losing in less than three minutes to a team who doesn’t like each other.

Post match, Batista gives Murdoch a bonus Batista Bomb.

Here’s a look at Smackdown vs. Raw 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Maria

Non-title. Beth kicks her down without much trouble to start but Maria gets in some kicks of her own. That’s enough for Beth as she grabs the fisherman’s suplex for the pin.

Post match Santino Marella comes out to check on Maria. With that out of the way, Santino starts talking about how unfair it was to get beaten up by Steve Austin last week. What happened to the first amendment? Santino wants an apology from Austin, who isn’t here this week. With that not working, he’ll go over to Austin’s friend, Jim Ross. Santino mocks JR’s English abilities and wants a fight, but JR won’t get up. Jerry Lawler will though and gets in the ring to punch Santino down.

Post break, Santino challenges Lawler for later tonight. Lawler is game.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton.

We get a Mobile Exclusive (meaning something that aired on Smackdown) showing Randy Orton and William Regal meeting in the back. The Survivor Series match will now have Sweet Chin Music banned, but if Orton tries to get disqualified, he loses the title.

Hardys/Rey Mysterio vs. Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/MVP

Matt wants MVP to start with him but gets Finlay instead. Finlay shoulders him down and hands it off to Kennedy to work on the knee as it’s weird hearing JR talk about these guys after so many months. Matt fights up with some armdrags but a distraction lets Kennedy knock him to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Matt and Kennedy not quite getting a Side Effect right. It’s still enough to bring Rey in but MVP takes him down anyway. MVP grabs a seated abdominal stretch and it’s back to Finlay for a running sitdown splash to stay on the ribs. Kennedy hits some backbreakers and MVP grabs a waistlock as the ribs are rather banged up. Rey fights up and grabs a DDT though, allowing the hot tag off to Jeff. Everything breaks down and Rey hits a 619 to MVP and Kennedy at the same time. Jeff Swantons MVP for the pin.

Rating: C+. I think you knew what you were getting here and they did it just fine. You have more than enough talent here that any combination could have pulled off a good match here and the Mysterio rib injury worked. There is a pretty solid mid to upper midcard in WWE at the moment and this was a nice showcase for some of them.

SAVE US, which now says six days, 23 hours, 33 minutes and BREAK THE WALLS in case you didn’t get the idea yet.

Here is Vince McMahon to moderate a face to face meeting between Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They go over the stipulations for Sunday’s match, which brings up the idea of Shawn not being able to use the superkick. Shawn thinks Orton picked these rules because he is sick of the superkick. Maybe Shawn is a one trick pony, but maybe he could use a submission or something new.

All that matters to Shawn is that he remembers seeing his family after Orton put him down and that isn’t going to go away. Vince offers a distraction though and Orton gets in a cheap shot, only to have Vince block the Punt. Orton goes with the RKO instead and Shawn is left laying for a change. Nice use of a heel beatdown segment here.

Jillian Hall/Layla/Melina vs. Mickie James/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly

Michelle and Melina fight over wrist control to start, with Michelle wristdragging her into the corner. Kelly comes in and makes the mistake of dancing a bit too much, allowing Melina to drop her with a clothesline. Jillian comes in and quickly gives up a tag off to Mickie so house can be cleaned. Mickie gives Layla the Long Kiss Goodnight (kiss into a spinning kick to the head) for the pin.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Rock wins the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1998 by going Corporate.

Snitsky likes to hurt people.

Jerry Lawler vs. Santino Marella

Lawler is in street clothes and JR keeps hyping up the right hand. A backdrop has Marella in early trouble and the right hands knock him up against the ropes. Marella gets in him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs but Lawler avoids a knee drop. Some right hands stagger Lawler but Marella stops to yell at JR and gets small packaged for the fast pin. Short and inoffensive.

SAVE US. AGAIN.

Before the fans came in earlier today, William Regal held a training session for Hornswoggle in the empty arena. For some reason, Hornswoggle and Great Khali (or at least Coach in a Khali wig) both get full entrances from Lilian Garcia. Coach takes the wig off but Real yells at him until he puts it back on. Someone else as Runjin Singh handles the ranting translations and we seem to be having a full match. Hornswoggle takes a distracted Coach down, knocks the wind out of him and hits the Tadpole Splash for the fast pin. This could have been funny but it was too short to go anywhere.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is looking forward to Survivor Series but tonight, he’s taking out Umaga in a lumberjack match. He’ll take out all of Umaga’s guys if he needs to and then his team will win again on Sunday.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us. No.

HHH vs. Umaga

Lumberjack match with the other Survivor Series team members (and more) around the ring. Umaga starts fast and the brawl is on, with HHH being sent outside. A right hand drops Matt Striker so HHH heads back inside, only to take Umaga outside this time. HHH dives off the apron to take out Umaga and the pile. Umaga gets in a shot of his own though and we take a break.

Back with Umaga hitting the swinging release Rock Bottom to take over again. Umaga sits on HHH’s ribs and lets Finlay get in a cheap shot from the floor (as you do). HHH gets in a shot to the head and tries a slam, only to fall back in a crash. We hit the nerve hold for a bit before HHH gets pounded down into the corner. The running hip attack misses though, allowing HHH to grab a DDT. The facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree but Umaga is back with the Samoan drop. Not that HHH minds as he comes back with the spinebuster, drawing in Finlay for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was almost every HHH vs. Umaga match you’ve ever seen but with some guest stars on the floor. They couldn’t have a clean ending on the last show before Survivor Series and lumberjacks are a perfect way out. I don’t think there is a ton of drama for what is going to happen on Sunday though and there was only so much interest in seeing these two fight again here.

The big brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. As has been obvious on Smackdown in recent weeks, Survivor Series is not going to be a deep show. There is the Undertaker vs. Batista match on top, then Shawn vs. Orton a good bit below that. Other than that, you have Team HHH vs. Team Umaga to make it feel like Survivor Series and that’s really about it for stuff that matters. This wasn’t exactly a great go home show, but they did a nice enough job of hitting the bigger stuff on Sunday’s card. Now just get through Survivor Series and let us get on to something more traditional, as that could do Raw and Smackdown some good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,133
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and now that the Smackdown main event has been announced, you have to expect the Raw counterpart will be set up soon. The big story tonight is a one night reunion of D-Generation X, as HHH needs some help deal with Randy Orton and Umaga. Sounds Survivor Seriesish to me. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Fabulous Moolah.

Opening sequence.

Here is D-Generation X to get things going. After a fairly long entrance, HHH says this is for one night only and asks if we’re ready. The catchphrase is loaded up but a crotch chopping Hornswoggle interrupts. HHH: “Well that’s…different.” HHH tells him to get back under the ring but Hornswoggle doesn’t listen. Shawn is asked for a run sheet and, after going through all of his merchandise, finds said sheet in his boot (Shawn: “In case I forget what I’m supposed to do.”).

The sheet says DX PROMO in segment one at 9PM (HHH: “East coast time.”) and Hornswoggle isn’t on until the short segment. Hornswoggle then armdrags Shawn into an armscissors (with HHH pointing out that it is the SHORT armscissors). Shawn: “I’m going to make a judgment call here: for tonight, he’s in.”. Hornswoggle doesn’t want to go under the ring because there’s a monster under there.

Shawn goes to look….and is pulled under. He comes back up with worms in his mouth so here is the Boogeyman. HHH hands him a mic, with Boogeyman saying “I’M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I’M COMING TO…..see if I can join DX.” Shawn makes another executive decision and lets Boogeyman in again so here is Great Khali as a bonus. Shawn: “To keep me from turning into a human Slim Jim, let’s pretend he isn’t here and move on.” HHH goes into an Indian impression that would get him thrown off the air today but now it’s Coach interrupting.

HHH isn’t having this and tells Runjin Singh what Coach said about Khali earlier. Shawn, who CAN’T LIE, backs HHH up and Khali chases Coach to the floor. Everyone else leaves, with Shawn saying he doesn’t know who writes this anymore but this is the worst thing he’s seen since that Katie Vick thing. HHH: “I don’t think anyone writes this crap. They’re on strike.” Catchphrases are hit to wrap up the wackiness.

Actor Luke Perry is here. There are some kids around him, and if one of those is his son, we have seen the wrestling debut of the future Jungle Boy.

We look back at Kelly Kelly winning last week’s Halloween battle royal and getting destroyed by Beth Phoenix after.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Non-title and Phoenix grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for the pin in less than a minute. Well so much for Kelly for the time being, which is how it should go in this situation.

Santino Marella knows that Steve Austin will be here tonight and mocks Austin’s acting abilities. He even throws in a paper bag, so Austin can act his way out of it.

Carlito vs. Joey Munoz

Hold on though as Carlito says he isn’t wrestling so here is a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Joey Munoz

Pumphandle slam finishes Munoz in about thirty seconds.

Post match Snitsky kicks Carlito in the face and gives him the pumphandle slam too. Time for another Snitsky push it seems.

We get a Jeff Hardy video set to Rooftops by Lostprophets. This is actually on Peacock despite it being a music video and the Lostprophets singer being a monster. That aside, this is a heck of a video, with the lyrics about screaming and dropping bombs being timed to shots of fans screaming for Hardy and Swantons. You can tell something big is coming for him and that is a very good idea. Ignore Jerry Lawler being heard asking “how long is it” after the video starts.

For Survivor Series: Team HHH (HHH/CM Punk/Kane/Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy) vs. Team Umaga (Umaga/MVP/Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/Big Daddy V).

Mr. Kennedy/Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy

JR dubs Hardy and Mysterio as the WWE Air Force. Hardy and Finlay go to the mat to start until a Kennedy distraction lets Finlay hit a clothesline to the floor. We take a break and come back with Mysterio hitting a springboard crossbody on Kennedy, only to have him run Mysterio over.

It’s Finlay coming back in to go after the knee, including a half crab. The legdrop onto the knee makes it worse and Kennedy adds a right hand for two. Mysterio is back with something like a DDT, allowing the hot tag off to Hardy to clean house. The Whisper in the Wind hits Kennedy but Finlay makes the save. Rey 619s Finlay to the floor, leaving Hardy to hit the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard midcard tag match here with the wrestlers involved being good enough to make almost anything work. Mysterio vs. Finlay is set up for a blowoff on Friday while Hardy vs. Kennedy seems to have run its course. That being said, throw in the video package before the match and it is hard to imagine they are waiting much longer on giving Hardy the main event push, which seems to have been set up for a few weeks now.

Maria tries to tell Santino Marella that Steve Austin is here but he doesn’t buy it.

Here are Maria and Santino Marella for a chat. Santino mocks the Condemned, then he mocks the Condemned’s director, then he mocks the Condemned again, then Steve Austin comes out. Austin corrects Santino’s errors in his catchphrases and then asks about the Condemned again. Santino really did hate the movie and turns down a beer, saying he would rather have a glass of red wine. Austin hands him a copy of the Condemned but Santino can’t watch it again.

There’s the Stunner, allowing Austin to put the DVD in Santino’s mouth. Austin thinks Santino is thirsty and goes to the back before coming out driving a beer truck. Santino gets sprayed down and, despite her begging, so does Maria. Beer is consumed to wrap up a segment that wasn’t funny and felt pretty out of character for Austin. I know he needs to promote a DVD, but that just doesn’t feel like an Austin thing.

SAVE US!

Vince McMahon is in the back with Hornswoggle and takes the blame for the trouble Hornswoggle has had with Jonathan Coachman. McMahon even has a way for Hornswoggle to prove himself at Survivor Series…..when he faces Great Khali.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is in the back and has been asked to talk because they need to fill in time while Steve Austin’s mess is cleaned up. Shawn Michaels comes in to say he has it set, so here are the DX Dancers….which is Big Dick Johnson. HHH isn’t impressed but Shawn says he’s a father of two so the only cool thing he knows is Dora the Explorer. Don’t worry though as HHH has The Girls Next Door (from a Playboy reality show, meaning Shawn leaves with his eyes covered). Dancing ensues and it’s very strange to see HHH…..I guess it’s dancing but I’m not sure.

Lance Cade sends Mickie James away for talking to Trevor Murdoch.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes

Ignore Lilian Garcia saying Lance Cade (at ringside) is in the match by mistake. Hardcore Holly is here too and Rhodes is sent to the apron to start, where he gets in a shoulder to the ribs. Murdoch breaks that up and takes him down for a chinlock as Lawler and JR make as many redneck jokes as they can. Rhodes fights up and hits a bulldog into a knee drop for two but Cade’s distraction fails. Murdoch misses a charge into the corner though and Rhodes grabs a sunset flip for the pin. Not much to this one but Rhodes wins again.

Tribute video to Fabulous Moolah. This includes a rundown of her career highlights, such as becoming the first woman to wrestle in Madison Square Garden. I guess she wrestled herself that night.

Jim Duggan/Super Crazy vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Before the match, Duggan and Crazy chant SI/HO over and over. Haas knocks Crazy over to start and hits a slam before handing it off to Benjamin. More slamming abounds as Duggan continues to play cheerleader on the apron. Benjamin knocks Duggan off the apron but Crazy grabs a rollup (with trunks) for the pin. Duggan never tagged in but he does pat Crazy on the head after the win.

Umaga/Randy Orton vs. D-Generation X

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Orton being sent into the announcers’ table before being thrown inside. Umaga comes in to miss a sitdown splash on Michaels, allowing HHH to grab a surprisingly effective DDT. HHH gets knocked outside though and we take a break. Back with Umaga missing a charge in the corner, allowing the tag off to Orton. That’s fine with HHH, who drops Orton almost immediately.

Michaels comes back in for the usual comeback, including the forearm and top rope elbow. Umaga isn’t having that and runs Shawn over, allowing Orton to bring Umaga in for real. Some right hands keep Shawn down in the corner and it’s back to Orton for a dropkick. The circle stomp sets up the running Umaga splash and we’re off to the nerve hold.

The middle rope headbutt misses and an enziguri to the shoulder (not sure that’s how that works) allows the hot tag back to HHH. Everything breaks down and Umaga saves Orton from the Pedigree with the Spike, setting up the running hip attack in the corner. The RKO is countered with a shove into Umaga though and Shawn comes in for a quick superkick to pin Orton.

Rating: C+. Much like the other tag match, they played the formula here and it still works, as everyone involved can do this style rather well. Shawn vs. Orton II should be a good showdown at Survivor Series, while Umaga vs. HHH at least has the team format to keep things a little more fresh. The DX reunion was good for a night, but I don’t need to see it again going forward.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what this show was but it didn’t exactly work. Maybe it is due to Survivor Series coming up so soon, but this felt like a weird side trip rather than a show designed to help set up the pay per view. There were so many short matches that didn’t add much and it was a weird night all around. The DX reunion was fun but the Austin cameo fell pretty flat, leaving this as a not very appealing two hours. Much more strange than good this week and that isn’t a positive thing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: November 2, 2007
Location: Nassau Coliseum, New York City, New York
Attendance: 12,300
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We are done with Cyber Sunday and the big story on the blue side is Batista FINALLY defeating the Undertaker to retain the World Title. It is time to get towards Survivor Series and that could go in more than a few directions. They don’t have a ton of time to set it up though so hopefully we start getting somewhere this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is Cyber Sunday if you need a recap.

Here is Batista to get things going. He talks about growing up in a rough neighborhood and having to fight for everything. Now he has done the same thing here, with every kind of fight you could imagine. Then on Sunday, he finally accomplished something he thought he would never do when he defeated the Undertaker. Their rivalry has been a war and now they are 1-1-2 and that makes them even.

Tonight they’re partners, but their differences have not been settled. He has Undertaker’s back but wants to know if Undertaker has his. There go the lights and Undertaker appears in the ring. Undertaker says he has Batista’s back because Batista still has the one thing that he wants. Batista asks if that means he wants a rematch, so the match is on. As Batista goes to leave, Undertaker says let’s do it in the Cell. Well that escalated.

In the back, Vickie Guerrero comes up to Jamie Noble, who panics and says he wasn’t hurting anyone. Vickie doesn’t have time for this because she has to work on the Cell match. Jamie thinks he’s being put in the match with them but she has a gift for him: a Rey Mysterio DVD, because he is facing Rey tonight. That works a lot better for Noble, who thinks Vickie is sweet on him. Oh and maybe later they could watch, ahem, some different DVDs.

Festus vs. Domino

Their respective partners are here too as Batista vs. Undertaker in the Cell is set for Survivor Series. Festus starts fast with a backdrop and some shots to the face for two. Domino goes to the eyes to escape and hits some knees to the face. That earns him another kick to the head as Jesse takes out an interfering Deuce. A fireman’s carry flapjack gives Festus the pin without much trouble.

Video on Eve winning the Diva Search.

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Finlay, who is facing Rey next week, comes out to watch at ringside. Feeling out process to start with Jamie flipping him over by the arm and barring it for a bonus. That’s fine with Rey, who climbs up Noble and grabs a sunset flip for two. Back up and Noble hits a running knee to the ribs to cut Rey down but he’s fine enough to load up the 619. That sends Noble bailing to the floor, where Rey gets in a kick to the legs to put Noble in more trouble.

Noble gets back in and hits something like an over the shoulder backbreaker spun into a cutter over the top (that’s a new one) to take over. A northern lights suplex stays on the banged up arm and the armbar goes on again. Noble drops him face first onto the mat and puts on the armbar for a third time. That’s broken up and Rey headscissors him down into a Fujiwara armbar. Noble slips out so Rey hits a springboard seated senton, only to charge into a powerslam. The tiger driver is loaded up but Rey reverses into a hurricanrana for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where you can have two guys do just about anything get a good match out of them. Noble has been used as a goon in recent weeks but he is capable of doing something like this if he is given the chance. Rey vs. Finlay sounds like it should be a good blowoff match next week too, as they have had a solid feud over the last few weeks.

Post match Finlay calls Rey a quitter and a loser, which he’ll prove next week.

Raw Rebound.

Matt Hardy is still healing and he’ll be ready to go next week. That’s cool with MVP, because he survived at Cyber Sunday and they need to get back to dominating. Matt agrees, and wishes MVP luck in his match tonight. MVP doesn’t know anything about a match, but it’s next…and Kane’s pyro goes off.

MVP vs. Kane

Non-title. Kane punches him down to start and a hard whip into the corner bangs up MVP’s ribs. Back up and MVP gets in a few shots of his own but a backbreaker gives Kane two. Some shots to Kane’s bad ribs (you might want to come up with something different) slow him down though and a running shoulder to the ribs gives MVP two of his own.

Kane rocks him with an uppercut but MVP is right back on the ribs as they aren’t making this very complicated. That’s reversed into a bearhug on the mat but MVP reverses into a seated abdominal stretch. MVP kicks him out to the floor and we come back with Kane having to fight out of a bodyscissors. Kane gets in a faceplant out of the corner and the top rope clothesline connects, setting up the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure who put this together but they could have done a bit better than an exchange of working on the ribs over and over. Have Kane’s shoulder hit the post or something but find a way to mix it up. Also, the US Champion gets pinned again, which probably doesn’t set up another title match, but at least they had this happen again because of course they did.

Post match Big Daddy V comes in to drop Kane and crush the ribs again. Cole: “He is a mean man!”

Mick Foley vs. Jonathan Coachman

Foley is the hometown boy and this match needs a guest referee in the form of Hornswoggle. Coach realizes he’s in trouble and Foley shoves him over Hornswoggle to make it worse. Foley rakes his eyes over the top and drops an elbow, setting up the green Mr. Socko. Hornswoggle adds the Tadpole Splash so Foley can get the pin. Just a quick way to make the live fans smile.

Next week, ECW World Champion CM Punk comes to Smackdown.

Kenny Dykstra vs. Chuck Palumbo

Victoria and Michelle McCool are here too. Palumbo hits him in the face to start and grabs a belly to back suplex for an early two. They head outside with Palumbo being sent back first into the apron as JBL talks about what a great future Dykstra has. Back in and Palumbo snaps off an overhead belly to belly. Michelle cuts off Victoria’s interference and Palumbo hits a top rope shoulder. Full Throttle finishes Dykstra off.

Rating: D+. Palumbo’s total stall continues and that is due to having him face people like Kenny Dykstra and Chris Masters. WWE has presented him as nothing more than a lower level guy and there is no reason to care about him. You’re only going to get so far with this and Palumbo has hit that point.

Rey Mysterio’s DVD went on sale last week.

Great Khali and Mark Henry shout at each other in a strategy session.

Great Khali/Mark Henry vs. Undertaker/Batista

Undertaker starts fast on Henry but Old School is broken up. Some shots to the arm put Henry in the corner though and now Old School connects. Henry gets knocked off the apron and we take an early break. Back with Batista driving Henry into the corner as well, allowing Undertaker to come in for a headbutt.

A running knee in the corner gets two (and has Batista impressed) but Henry powers Undertaker into the corner to bring in Khali. Since you don’t want Khali doing much more than kicking away in the corner, Henry comes back in and gets taken down with the running DDT. Batista comes in and gets elbowed in the face by Khali, setting up the big chop for two.

The Vice Grip goes on and makes Undertaker pace on the apron before eventually making the save. Batista spears Khali down and it’s back to Undertaker to unload on Henry. Everything breaks down and Batista spinebusters Henry, followed by Undertaker big booting Khali. The Batista Bomb is loaded up….but JBL runs in to jump Batista for the DQ.

Rating: C. This worked in a bit of a weird way, mainly because no one is going to buy Henry and Khali as a threat to the top two forces on the show. They didn’t bother having Undertaker and Batista in that much trouble, but the ending was a bit of a surprise. JBL is pretty clearly getting ready to make some kind of a comeback, though I’m not sure how much interest there is in having another big guy on a show with so many monsters.

Henry and Khali wreck Batista and Undertaker to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was all about the Undertaker vs. Batista Cell announcement and a grand total of nothing else. The second biggest thing on this show was finding out that Rey Mysterio has a new DVD out. Maybe it’s fallout from the pay per view or not needing much for Survivor Series, but this was a weak show and I was pretty bored.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2007
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Cyber Sunday and on the way to Survivor Series, which means things can get a bit more back to normal around here. The big Raw story was that Randy Orton retained the WWE Title over Shawn Michaels after getting himself disqualified, which means we are probably heading for a rematch. Let’s get to it.

Here is Cyber Sunday if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Divas Battle Royal

Victoria, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly, Brooke, Melina, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool

Most of the entrances are edited off of Peacock (music I’m assuming) and they’re all in Halloween costumes here. Layla (cop) is eliminated first as Victoria rolls wild in her sumo (read as fat) suit. The bottom rope Banzai drop crushes Brooke (jungle girl) to get rid of her and Michelle tosses Jillian (Brittney Spears), only to have Melina eliminate Michelle (Eve).

Melina (showgirl) and Mickie (Native American warrior princess) go to the apron with Melina eliminating both of them at once. Torrie Wilson uses her football helmet to run Victoria over as JR tries to find out if Victoria is in her suit alone. Kelly (gangsta) dumps out both Torrie (Philadelphia Eagle) and Victoria for the win.

Rating: D. What were you really expecting here? There was no reason for the match to take place other than to have the women out there in their outfits, which we had seen the night before at the pay per view. Kelly winning is a bit of a surprise, but she is the kind of woman that WWE would love to push to the moon if she can do anything in the ring at the moment.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to lay Kelly out.

We look at Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels from last night.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn is thankful to everyone who voted for him last night but he didn’t win the WWE Title. He has heard a lot of people talking about their grapefruits, but HBShizzle is going to be honest with you: you have to have pinpoint accuracy to hit his. What maters is that he won the match though, and now he his getting a rematch. He wants it tonight, but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

McMahon knows that people want to see him be the champion again and Vince seems to like the idea too. He knows what Shawn really wants is revenge though because, despite that Bible reading, Shawn is a rotten man. Shawn admits that he spent four years wanting revenge, which he swore he would never do when he went home in 2002.

Now he wants to hurt Randy Orton and take him out, so does he have his rematch or not? Vince says Survivor Series is an appropriate name, and says the match is on without saying what he means. Then Shawn teases a superkick to Vince, who falls down in fear. Kind of an odd segment but more to come I’m sure.

You can vote for the Diva Search winners!

Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Holly and Shelton start things off with Benjamin taking him down for some shots to the head. It’s off to Haas, who gets chopped rather loudly before the villains take over again without much trouble. Holly gets in another shot though and the hot tag brings in Cody, who comes in off the top with a clothesline. Cody blocks Haas’ DDT and hits one of his own for the fast pin. Holly still doesn’t seem convinced.

Candice Michelle has broken her collar bone in a horrific injury. It is so bad that we look at it again just so you don’t forget about the whole thing.

Beth Phoenix cuts off Todd Grisham and says she has no regrets over what she did to Candice Michelle last week. Then this week, the Divas were out there in their costumes because no one takes this stuff seriously. Candice can go back in Wisconsin, knowing that she was destroyed by the Glamazon.

Trevor Murdoch is reading the 500th issue of WWE Magazine when Mickie James comes up. She thanks him for not letting Lance Cade clothesline her last week, but Murdoch doesn’t like seeing an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie: “I’m not that innocent.” Cade comes up and, after Mickie leaves, gets on Murdoch for not having his head in the game.

William Regal is in Vince McMahon’s office and recaps Vince’s issues with HHH and Shawn Michaels. Vince says his issues with HHH is personal, which brings him to Hornswoggle. Regal brings Hornswoggle in and leaves Vince to talk about how he hasn’t been around Hornswoggle enough. Tonight, Hornswoggle has to face Coach and Vince wants the family honor upheld. Hornswoggle needs to learn how to deal with victory, because it is his family’s birthright. If he is a McMahon, he needs to start to hate and he needs to start tonight. Hornswoggle starts grunting and shouts as he runs off.

SAVE US!

Hornswoggle vs. Jonathan Coachman

Hold on though as we need a guest referee, which brings out Mick Foley. Coach charges but Foley gets in his way, allowing Hornswoggle to run around a bit. Hornswoggle goes to the leg but Coach grabs him by the beard. That’s broken up as well and Hornswoggle knocks him down, only to miss the bottom rope elbow. Coach hits Foley out of frustration and grabs a chair, only to have Foley knock him down. Hornswoggle has his own Mr. Socko and grabs Coach between the leg, allowing Foley to add a clothesline. The Tadpole Splash finishes for Hornswoggle.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t good but at the end of the day, what are you expecting here? They played up the comedy and had Foley here to even things up a bit. You don’t need to do anything beyond the obvious here and it was perfectly fine, even if the match was barely there aside from the comedy stuff.

HHH, in a rather hideous shirt, is almost depressed by Todd Grisham’s pep talk before the handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton tonight. The odds are against him but he has an ace up his sleeve, so if he goes down, they’re coming with him. They’re two of the worst in the game, but he is the Game.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

Trevor Murdoch and Brian Kendrick are here too. London hits a quick crossbody for two but gets caught in a belly to back suplex. Cade sends him to the apron, with London coming back in with a springboard crossbody. A Murdoch distraction lets Cade hit his sitout spinebuster for the fast pin.

Post match the Highlanders come in and beat down London and Kendrick before glaring at Cade and Murdoch.

Jeff Hardy/DH Smith vs. Carlito/Mr. Kennedy

Smith is being thrown into the deep pretty quickly. Hardy and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy grabbing a headlock. That earns him a heck of a clothesline but Kennedy pulls Hardy into the corner so Carlito can come in. Some shoulders to the ribs don’t do much for Carlito as Hardy kicks him down and grabs his leg trap cradle for two. Smith comes in and gets chopped in the corner, only to come back with a clothesline to send Carlito outside. Kennedy joins him thanks to Hardy and the good guys pose as we take a break.

Back with Smith fighting out of an Indian Deathlock but getting pulled back into the corner so Kennedy can stay on the leg. Kennedy draws in Hardy to get in a few more leg shots because he knows how to villain. Smith manages an enziguri though and the hot tag brings Hardy in to start cleaning house. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Carlito with Kennedy having to make the save. Smith drops Kennedy though and it’s the Twist of Fate into the Swanton to finish Carlito.

Rating: C. Pretty basic tag formula here but they have thrown Smith straight into the middle of the midcard and he hasn’t looked bad so far. Granted I don’t know how far you’re going to go with the name DH Smith but playing into the British Bulldog relation and then giving him some wins is a good way to start. Now do something with it, as you can always use some fresh blood.

Here is Santino Marella for a chat. He wants to make a formal complaint to the WWE travel department, who screwed up and prevented him from showing up and giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. At least his in-flight movie wasn’t the Condemned! Cue Steve Austin…..’s music, as Marella pops up on screen doing an Austin impression and offering to beat up Marella with a can of the a** whip.

Cue Maria to say that Austin (originally described as “he”, prompting Santino to tell her to not use pronouns) is going to be here next week (which receives NO reaction in an odd moment). Marella accuses her of being on internet chat sites again, because the only place you’ll see Austin is on the cover of the Condemned in the discount bin at the gas station.

Here are the Diva Search finalists. Eve wins and is rather happy. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have this on a show about how the viewers had control?

SAVE US, now with “19_LAUNCH” and “BREAK THE CODE” visible.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title. HHH and Umaga start things off but an Orton distraction means HHH has to split his time. A jumping clothesline drops Umaga but he’s right back with some right hands in the corner. Umaga hits the Samoan drop on HHH and the double teaming is on….so here is Shawn Michaels for the DQ and the save.

HHH and Shawn clean house, likely setting up a tag match next week.

We cut to Vince McMahon and William Regal in the back, with Vince saying DX is back next week for one night only.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a lame way to come off a pretty good pay per view, though Survivor Series in just a few weeks should be an upgrade. There wasn’t much to see on the show, as they didn’t have anything noteworthy in the ring and McMahon going after HHH feels a bit tired. Next week looks stacked though so maybe this is just a bad one off week. At least I hope it is.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 22, 2007
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday and…well to be fair I’ve missed a few weeks so I have almost no idea what is going on at the moment. The big story on the Raw side is Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy or Mr. Kennedy. Odds are this week is going to be about moving us closer to the inevitable so. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Mr. Kennedy is in the ring to get things going. He knows there is a decision for the fans to make about this Sunday so let’s look at the candidates. First up, you have Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy, who is like Hilary Clinton. They have the blond hair and the famous last name, but just like Clinton, Hardy won’t be able to get the job done because he has no testicular fortitude. Then you have Shawn Michaels, who is like Rudy Giuliani. They both talk well and have a resume, but they both live in the past.

What has Shawn done for him lately? Whatever it is, it is nowhere near as impressive as what Kennedy has done. Kennedy lists off everything he has done in the last year or so and kind of quotes John F. Kennedy, asking what you can do for him. Cue Jeff Hardy in the crowd though, where he has found out that Kennedy’s approval rating sucks. Kennedy says Hardy doesn’t want to get into this with him, but the fans seem to think otherwise.

Hardy lists off Kennedy’s failures, which would include failing at Cyber Sunday too. Kennedy goes to leave but Hardy gets the vote to go beat him up right now. The fight is on but Randy Orton runs in as well, meaning the villains can take Jeff down. Shawn Michaels runs in and we probably have a tag match later tonight. Orton and Shawn fight off, leaving Jeff to clear Kennedy out.

Mickie James/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Melina

London headlock takeovers Cade down to start before going to an armbar. Mickie and Melina come in for a double hair takedown so it’s quickly off to Kendrick to slug away on Murdoch. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Kendrick but a kick to the head allows the hot tag to London. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake. London adds a running shooting star press for the pin.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the time to get very far but I can always go with tying two feuds together into one match. If nothing else, it was an excuse to have Melina vs. Mickie without actually having the two in a singles match, as Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick has kind of been done to death at this point. Way too short to be worth much though.

The Diva Search girls did an interrogation competition on the beach. Remember when wrestlers worked on this show?

Shawn Michaels comes in to see Jeff Hardy and talks about how much he needs to face Randy Orton at Cyber Sunday. Hardy suggests that the fans might want champion vs. champion though. Various threats seem to be made, even though they’re partners tonight.

Cody Rhodes is reading WWE Magazine when Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas come in to make fun of him for losing to Hardcore Holly. Rhodes says at least Holly looks good with blond hair, so Shelton is ready to face him tonight. Benjamin says after the match, he’ll dye Cody’s hair so he can be a thinner, less talented version of his old man. Haas: “Oh snap!”

Coach is with William Regal, who isn’t sure about making Coach vs. Hornswoggle. After some recapping, Regal does make the match, but Coach has a better idea: Hornswoggle vs. Umaga. Sure.

Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin

Charlie Haas is here with Benjamin. Cody gets taken down to start with Benjamin going right after the leg. The comeback is cut off with a shinbreaker but Cody grabs a bulldog out of the corner for two. Haas’ distraction completely fails as Cody reverses a rollup into one of his own for the fast pin.

Post match the double teaming is on until Hardcore Holly runs in for the save. Holly seems a bit impressed.

Here is the debuting DH Smith, the son of the British Bulldog, who is dedicating his first match to his father.

DH Smith vs. Carlito

Carlito goes after the arm to start but gets taken down into a jackknife cover for two. An overhead belly to belly gives Smith one but Carlito is back with a springboard dropkick for two of his own. The double arm crank goes on before a springboard elbow drops Smith again. That doesn’t make much of a difference as Smith is back with a running powerslam for the pin.

Rating: C-. Another match that didn’t get much time, but in this case that isn’t a terrible thing. Smith got to go in, beat up Carlito, and get out before anyone could see anything wrong with him. That’s a nice way to debut, as Carlito still has a bit of value to him. Granted the name DH Smith isn’t going to do him any favors, but he was good enough here.

Candice Michelle and Beth Phoenix have a weird staredown, with Phoenix promising to make her get on her knees and worship. Michelle promises to get the title back.

We recap Hornswoggle blowing up Coach last week, complete with comedic sound effects.

Hornswoggle vs. Umaga

Hold on as Hornswoggle runs off, with HHH taking his place. The big brawl is on with referees having to break it up but not doing the best job. Eventually the two are separated, only to have HHH break through again. No match obviously.

Post break, Umaga is surrounded by agents and referees and yells a lot.

Todd Grisham is on the stage and introduces us to the three Diva Search finalists. Lena is eliminated, leaving us with Eve and Brooke. They both get thirty seconds to hype themselves up for next week’s finals, which involves shouting about Omaha a lot.

Randy Orton comes in to see Mr. Kennedy, who can be his partner tonight but no one is going to vote for him because bad guys don’t win. Kennedy agrees they can be partners but he might have to make a statement after the match. See you out there…..partner.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino, who doesn’t like not being mentioned in the 500th issue of WWE Magazine. MANTAUR is even mentioned….and we’re cut off by the SAVE US video. Santino thinks that might have been Steve Austin, who must be comfortable at home, watching himself in the Condemned. If Austin ever does show up, Santino will open a can of the a** whip. Simmons comes in and hammers away but Santino gets in a shot of his own for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Santino kicks him low for the DQ.

HHH doesn’t care what kind of a match he has with Umaga on Sunday because tonight, he saw doubt in Umaga’s eyes. On Sunday, he’ll see fear, because no matter how the voting goes, it’s time to play the game.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Phoenix is defending in a 2/3 falls match. They lock up to start until Beth sends her out to the apron. A hurricanrana gets Candice out of trouble but Beth grabs her by the throat and drops her down for the first fall. We take a break and come back with Beth putting on something like a Liontamer.

Candice slips out and the slugout is on, setting up a discus lariat for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same so Candice goes up, only to get knocked down…where she lands on her face. You can hear the crowd go quiet as Beth drags her out of the corner (which is a REALLY STUPID IDEA) and pins her (with the referee audibly telling Candice not to kick out) to retain. Not enough shown to rate due to the injury and the break but I can’t imagine this was going to be anything but Beth retaining. The injury looked horrible though and that is probably going to put Candice on the shelf for a long time.

Beth leaves and Candice gets treatment but can’t stay sitting up. A stretcher takes her out, due to what would wind up being a broken collarbone.

Jeff Hardy/Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy/Randy Orton

Shawn and Kennedy start things off with Shawn shrugging off some chops in the corner. It’s quickly off to Jeff to work on Kennedy’s arm, setting up a middle rope elbow to the back. The charge in the corner misses though and Orton comes in to pound away with some right hands. A clothesline gives Orton two but Hardy kicks Kennedy in the face and dives over for the tag. Some of the house is cleaned but Shawn gets taken into the wrong corner so Orton can take over again.

Kennedy comes back in and grabs the seated abdominal stretch for a little longer than you might have expected. Back to back backbreakers give Kennedy two and an elbow to the face gets the same. It’s back to Orton for the slow stomping and a knee to the back keeps Shawn down. Orton pulls him into a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Shawn fights up with an enziguri. The double tag brings in Hardy and Kennedy with the pace picking up. Everything breaks down and Shawn slingshots down onto Orton, leaving Hardy to Twist Kennedy’s fate. The Swanton gives Hardy the pin.

Rating: B-. This was a bit above average main event style tag match and that shouldn’t be a surprise. I don’t think there’s any secret to the fact that Shawn is getting the title shot on Sunday so the ending was little more than misdirection, but they had a good match on the way there. Kennedy just kind of exists to give Orton a partner, but they had worse options.

Post match Shawn superkicks Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Cyber Sunday is such a weird show to build towards as WWE doesn’t really have matches to set up. Instead, you have a bunch of options to pick from, which makes for some odd final shows. The fact that this one included an injury and more Hornswoggle shenanigans and it wasn’t exactly a great way to get me into the pay per view.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 15, 2007
Location: NEC, Birmingham, England
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things picked back up last week as Shawn Michaels made his return to the show and took out Raw World Champion Randy Orton. That seems likely to be taking us to Cyber Sunday, which is going to need a card set up in a hurry as the show is less than two weeks away. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton winning the WWE Title at No Mercy and being congratulated the next night, only to have Shawn Michaels return and go after him, including a heck of a superkick.

Orton comes up to William Regal in the back and thinks Regal should be the one picking his opponent at Cyber Sunday. For tonight, Orton wants a warmup match, plus a triple threat between his three possible Cyber Sunday opponents: Mr. Kennedy, Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels.

Opening sequence.

Here is William Regal to announce that Randy Orton will be facing all of his Cyber Sunday opponents tonight in a series of singles matches, starting with this one.

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and this isn’t what Orton seemed to want. Hardy armdrags him down to start and Orton doesn’t look happy with any of this. Some more armdrags set up an armbar and there’s a running clothesline to put Orton on the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and we take an early break. Back with Orton working on a chinlock, setting up the powerslam for two. The knee drop gets the same and we’re back to the chinlock. Hardy fights back up and hits his mule kick but here is Mr. Kennedy to break up the Swanton. The RKO finishes Hardy.

Rating: C. This was a pretty dull match until the finish, as Hardy can make a comeback like few others. Kennedy distracting Hardy makes sense, as he not only has recent issues with Hardy but also doesn’t want Hardy to beat Orton and get momentum in the voting. Logical move here and it gives Hardy some protection in his loss.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Maria is here with Santino and commentary tries to figure out what she sees in him. Before the match, Santino mocks England for not being as good as Italy and starts going after the Condemned, which brings out Venis to get things going. Venis hammers away to start but Santino ties his legs in the rope to take over. We hit the leg crank on the mat as Maria looks….I think pleased? A half crab stays on the leg so Val makes it over to the ropes. Venis fights up with the usual assortment of strikes to the face before trying a sunset flip out of the corner. That’s fine with Santino, who sits down on it and grabs the ropes for the pin.

The Diva Search girls did a search and rescue competition on the beach. This is in no way, shape or form an excuse to have them run in slow motion. Next time: they’re going to arrest people.

Carlito and Coach talk about small apples, which leads them to a discussion of Hornswoggle. Coach seems to have a plan to murder him but Hornswoggle comes in, meaning the chase is on.

Post break, Coach chases Hornswoggle through catering and gets a lot of food thrown at him. Hornswoggle escapes again and Coach is frustrated.

We look back at Vince McMahon tormenting HHH last week in the form of a handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton.

William Regal comes in to see Vince, who asks how old the Queen really is. Regal, looking at the photos on his wall, including Queen Elizabeth and Elton John: “Which one?” Vince has something in mind tonight, but first he has to correct Regal: it’s UMAGA, not YOUMANGA.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and gets two off a quick rollup. The headlock goes back on and it works so well that the third version frustrates Orton even more. Orton finally hits him in the face but Kennedy does it right back and swats the dropkick away. Some more right hands get Orton out of trouble and the backbreaker gets two. Kennedy is right back with the Regal Roll but here’s Jeff Hardy to jump Kennedy for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much time here and a lot of it was spent on headlocks and punches. The ending wasn’t quite the biggest surprise, but then again they aren’t exactly going for subtlety with what Orton is going to be doing at Cyber Sunday. Hardy coming in makes sense to even things up as he and Kennedy can be on the pay per view in some match of their own.

Post match Hardy beats on Kennedy even more.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. He puts over the idea of Cyber Sunday again and brings out HHH’s opponent for the show: Umaga. Vince says that we could be having a street fight at Cyber Sunday, so let’s do that with this young man already in the ring.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Street fight. Umaga knocks him outside to start and throws him over the announcers’ table as the destruction is on. Back in and a Samoan drop onto a chair finishes Simmons fast.

Hold on though as Vince wants a demonstration of the second option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

First blood. Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt (Vince: “That’s gonna leave a mark.”) and there’s the running hip attack in the corner. The Samoan Spike ends whatever is left of Simmons and Umaga hammers on him until the blood flows for the win.

Oh wait though as there is one more option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Inside a cage with escape only. It takes a second for the cage to be set up, so Vince narrates some highlights of the previous two matches. Simmons is sent head first into the cage to start and then the ribs go into the steel as well, allowing Umaga to walk out for the easy win.

Coach and Hornswoggle have a bicycle race and Ron Simmons does his catchphrase.

Jillian Hall vs. Candice Michelle

Before the match, Jillian mocks Lilian Garcia’s singing abilities and accuses her of lip syncing last week. Also, a real singer doesn’t need a band, so tonight she is singing acapella British! Candice cuts her off so Jillian gets in a cheap shot to start fast. The Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in less than a minute.

Beth Phoenix is ready for Candice Michelle getting her rematch next week. She’ll make Candice worship her.

Hardcore Holly comes up to Cody Rhodes and doesn’t get why Cody is challenging him again. Cody thinks he has a chance but Holly says this is his last shot and slaps him. That’s the look Holly wants.

Smackdown Rebound.

Brian Kendrick vs. Rory McCallister

Their respective partners are here and Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are on commentary. Kendrick hammers away to start but gets knocked into the ropes for his efforts. Rory knocks him outside and a rather delayed cover gets two back inside. The chinlock goes on and brings Kendrick back to life, only to have Robbie offer a distraction. A reverse suplex gives Rory the pin.

Rating: C-. What were you expecting here? As nothing as the match was, I can appreciate the idea of adding a fresh team to the division. There is only so much you can get out of two teams fighting each other over and over so this is a nice addition. The match wasn’t exactly good, but the Highlanders can add a bit of spice to the division.

Here’s the same video that opened the show.

Shawn Michaels promises that he’ll be waiting around every corner for Randy Orton and is ready to go to Cyber Sunday and take the WWE Title.

Coach chases Hornswoggle into the Divas locker room and leaves with some underwear. The women throw things at Coach until he leaves.

SAVE US, with commentary acknowledging it for the first time.

Hornswoggle runs into the arena and Coach follows him, with Hornswoggle going underneath the ring. Coach pulls out a Wile E. Coyote style red box explosion trigger, but nothing goes off. Then Coach goes underneath the ring to check the cord and….yeah you know what’s coming. Hornswoggle blows Coach to smithereens as I try to figure out how I got here.

Cody Rhodes vs. Hardcore Holly

Cody forearms away to start but has to skin the cat. Back in and Holly fires off the chops but Cody gets in a crossbody for two. Holly isn’t having that and ties him in the ropes for some shots to the chest, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up so Holly hangs him in the ropes for the kick to the ribs that looks rather low. Cody manages a crucifix for two, followed by a rollup for the same. Back up and Holly hits that dropkick of his, followed by a high crossbody and the Alabama Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. They’re building a little something here, even if it is pretty low level stuff. What matters is that they are giving Rhodes some kind of a story and that is more than a lot of people get around here. Granted it is with Hardcore Holly, but that is at least something, so he has somewhere to go from here.

Cody keeps pulling himself up and Holly looks kind of impressed.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Non-title again. Shawn wastes no time in knocking Orton outside to start and a clothesline gets two back inside. A rollup gets the same but Orton elbows him in the face to take over. The top rope superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Mr. Kennedy comes in for the DQ.

Post match Jeff Hardy comes in for the save but gets shoved off the top, leaving Shawn to fight off both villains. The superkick drops Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of those shows with a running theme going throughout the show but it was only so interesting as we are on the way to a pretty foregone conclusion. That isn’t a terrible thing, though it doesn’t make for the most thrilling week as we wait for Michaels to get the title shot. Other than that, there was an explosion and Umaga squashing a guy three times in a row. The UK shows tend to be bad but this felt like they were especially out of ideas on the way to the pay per view.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 8, 2007
Location: Van Andel Arena, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Mercy and Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, having been awarded, losing and regaining the title in quite the rollercoaster of a night. Orton is going to need a new challenger now and that means we might be in for something interesting this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going. He brags about living up to his word last night, when he guaranteed a new WWE Champion and a WWE Championship match. Well we had three WWE Championship matches and history was made. We get a package on the HHH vs. Randy Orton title matches (Umaga is omitted, which makes sense for Vince) before Vince guarantees that history be made again tonight. Every wrestler is going to come out here and shake Orton’s hand to wish him well. The next title defense will take place at Cyber Sunday, with Vince explaining the concept.

Cue HHH to interrupt and to tell Vince to shut up. These fans don’t care about Cyber Sunday because they care about tonight. That’s why HHH is invoking his rematch clause and he wants Orton this week. Vince advises him against it but says sure he can have his rematch….but we’ll throw in Umaga as Orton’s partner in a handicap match.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle/Maria

Maria takes Melina into the corner so Mickie can start working on the arm. A missed charge in the corner lets Melina get in a shot of her own though and it’s Beth coming in to throw Mickie around. Melina comes back in for a chinlock before handing it off to Jillian. Mickie kicks both of them away and the hot tag brings in Candice to clean house. Everything breaks down and Candice reverses a handspring elbow into a victory roll to finish Jillian.

Rating: C-. This was a way to rebuild Candice after her loss last night but it is pretty clear that her time as a serious title contender is over. Phoenix is a new breed of champion and she is going to need a more serious challenger. Out of the people here, that would pretty much just be Mickie, but for now it seems like we have to get Candice’s rematch out of the way.

William Regal has brought in some new stuff to spruce up Coach’s office, but Coach says that Elton John and George Michael are “queens” just like Elizabeth. Regal’s eyes are bugging out of his head but Vince McMahon comes in to say it’s ok. The two of them are supposed to keep an eye on Hornswoggle but they’re not sure where he is.

Video on last week’s Cyber Sunday.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Fallout from Venis mocking Santino last week. Hold on though as Santino drops to the floor and says he can’t wrestle, but he has a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Snitsky goes straight to Venis’ bad knee and kicks at it in the corner before dropping a knee on the knee. A clothesline sets up the pumphandle powerslam to finish Venis fast.

Evander Holyfield is fighting on Saturday so here’s what he did on Saturday Night’s Main Event a few months back.

SAVE US!

John Cena joins us via satellite from Florida and says that he will be out of action 7-12 months. Lawler suggests Cena is glad he didn’t have to fight Randy Orton last night so Cena makes a Cleveland Indians joke, because he’s that horrible of a person. Cena is looking forward to seeing Orton have to shake everyone’s hands tonight and he’ll be back soon.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title, though I thought this was HHH’s official rematch. The villains don’t have to tag here but HHH manages to send Umaga outside. A DDT plants Orton but Umaga gets him outside and starts hammering away. Back in and the double stomping is on as HHH’s banged up ribs get banged up even more. A dropkick puts HHH down and Umaga gets to stay on the ribs. HHH fights up and tries a fast Pedigree on Orton but has to send Umaga into the post. The spinebuster drops Orton but Umaga comes back in with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were working while it lasted but it didn’t last long. HHH gets screwed over and likely gets to continue his feud with Umaga, which does make sense as HHH was a last minute replacement opponent for Orton. It’s not like they have any current issues so let HHH destroy Umaga again in some kind of a brawl at Cyber Sunday while Orton fights….someone.

Post match Orton hits the RKO on HHH and Umaga crushes him even more, including the Samoan Spike. Referees have to help get HHH out but he shoves them away….and falls down.

Post break and HHH is still being helped out. That’s a pretty big injury angle.

In the back, Vince McMahon tells HHH that he has to be first to shake Randy Orton’s hand.

Highlanders vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

The highlanders are sent outside to start and taken down by a double dive as JR says London and Kendrick were Smackdown Tag Team Champions for well over a year. Well over, not quite over, same thing. Back in and London has to fight out of a chinlock, allowing the hot tag to Kendrick so house can be cleaned. Rory makes a save so London takes him to the floor, leaving Robbie to avoid a charge in the corner. A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Robbie the fast pin as the heel turn is on. Not likely to go anywhere, but it’s on.

The Diva Search girls had some rapid fire questions. Next week: search and rescue.

Coach can’t find Hornswoggle.

Lilian Garcia sings the title track from her Quiero Vivir album. After the song, Santino Marella comes in, praises “Jillian’s” song, and proceeds to sing his own song about how Steve Austin can’t act. Apparently this is set to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Kennedy works on a headlock to start but Hardy runs him over with a shoulder. A flipping legdrop misses though and Kennedy gets two off a northern lights suplex. Jeff knocks him to the floor though and there’s a ram into the apron to make it worse. A missed dive only hits barricade though and we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a half crab but Hardy fights out and goes up top. Kennedy breaks that up with a dropkick and we’re right back to the half crab. With that broken up, Hardy kicks off a Figure Four attempt so Kennedy chop blocks him back down. The knee is fine enough to hit the running sleeper drop but Kennedy’s rollup, with feet on the ropes, gets two. Hardy is back with the sitout gordbuster but the Swanton misses. Kennedy goes for a lazy cover, which is countered into a crucifix to give Hardy the pin.

Rating: C+. This was the best and longest match on the show, which shouldn’t be a surprise given that the talent was there too. I’m not sure I get why Hardy is pinning Kennedy if he is going to be the next challenger, but I’ll take some slightly sketchy logic over the champion losing. Or maybe they go in a different direction than Kennedy as the challenger, which may be the case for Cyber Sunday.

Vince McMahon tells William Regal to have everyone at ringside, including Hornswoggle. Regal says Hornswoggle is having a nap but Coach comes in to say he can’t find Hornswoggle anywhere. Then Hornswoggle pops up out of a trunk, seemingly having just woken up. Regal and Vince leave so Hornswoggle beats up Coach.

The roster is on the stage, with Vince McMahon in the ring to tell them all to show respect to Randy Orton. Cue Orton to stand on a platform in the ring, where he says no one deserves to be champion more than him. He is perfect at everything he does and he sees a lot of jealous faces on the stage. This dynasty has only just begun and he will be WWE Champion for a long time to come.

Now HHH needs to get down here and say “good luck champ”….but there is no HHH. Vince demand that HHH come out here right now but instead, Orton is sent to go get him. Orton goes to get him….and it’s Shawn Michaels, looking far more grizzled than before (the cowboy hat looks thinner). The fight is on, with Shawn taking Orton down and then hitting Sweet Chin Music. Shawn is rather fired up and glares at Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Shawn’s return at the end was good and gives them a fresh main event that can get Orton over harder as the new champion. Other than that though, it seems that they are still trying to figure out what to do with Cena gone, which is going to take some time. The wrestling wasn’t very good for the most part and I’m not sure how well the angles are going to go with Cyber Sunday being such a wild card. Not the most thrilling show here, though it’s good to have Shawn back.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and the show is mostly together. The big story continues to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title, but we also seem to have the issues between Vince McMahon and HHH. The latter of those feuds comes to a head tonight as the two of them are facing off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going, with three not so high level looking wrestlers in the ring with him. Vince hypes up his main event with HHH and promises to win. We see a clip of Vince beating up HHH in various ways before Vince turns his attention to the three guys in the ring. Each one represents a different fighting style, starting with a four time All American amateur wrestler, followed by a fifth degree kempo karate black belt and finally, the Ohio sumo champion (no one seems convinced).

Vince offers to face all of them, only to have someone else do it as a preview for what is going to happen to HHH at No Mercy. Cue the returning Umaga to destroy all three of them, with Vince looking rather pleased. Umaga beats them up even more for a bonus and Vince’s happiness rises.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London hurricanranas Murdoch down to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That means a gutbuster from Cade to take over, with Murdoch coming back in for a splash. A dropkick gets Kendrick out of trouble though and it’s Hardy coming in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and the Whisper in the Wind hits Cade but Hardy gets crotched on top. London hits a very out of nowhere dive and throws Murdoch back inside for Sliced Bread from Kendrick. Hardy drops the Swanton for the pin on Cade.

Rating: C+. It was a short match but they packed a lot into there, which is more than I would have expected. Hardy, London and Kendrick seem like three guys who would work well together as the high flying trio while the other three…well they’re feuding with the good guys so it makes sense to have them here. I’m not sure how much more you can get out of Benjamin vs. Hardy though, as Hardy needs some fresh competition.

Vince McMahon comes in to see William Regal and welcomes him back before praising Regal for making Mr. Kennedy vs. John Cena for tonight’s main event. He also asks Regal for a personal favor: take care of Hornswoggle tonight. Regal reluctantly agrees as Hornswoggle pops up. Vince leaves….and Regal has already lost Hornswoggle.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and we see him Punting John Cena’s father a few weeks ago and then hitting him with an RKO two weeks ago. Orton promises to leave Cena laying the same way at No Mercy.

Some Cleveland Indians are here. That was a good year for the team so we’ll call that an upgrade.

The Diva Search girls ran an obstacle course on the beach.

William Regal goes looking for Hornswoggle and runs into the Highlanders. They haven’t seen Hornswoggle, but Regal wants to know why they turned down a match with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Rory explains that it’s because they only want a Tag Team Title shot, which leaves Regal continuing his Hornswoggle search.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

Rematch from last week when the returning Holly beat Rhodes without much trouble. Rhodes starts fast but gets shouldered down. Back up and Rhodes grabs an armbar but gets dropkicked for two. A small package gives Rhodes two so he tries to jump over Holly in the corner, earning himself an Alabama Slam for the fast pin.

Here is Beth Phoenix for a chat and she would like Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring with her. Beth promises to win the Women’s Title on Sunday and wants Lilian to practice announcing her as the winner tonight. Lilian does, but throws in a caveat about how Phoenix has to actually win on Sunday. Phoenix literally goes for her throat but Candice Michelle runs in for the save.

SAVE_US video, now with some fresh codes, including things such as “Tron image”, “GRAND_SLAM” and “8.2.11/SAVIOR_SELF”, the latter of which is featured several times.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Before the match, Vince shows us a clip of HHH attacking Umaga with a chair and the sledgehammer last week to send him into a steroid suspension. HHH comes out but Vince cuts off his entrance pre-corner pose and says let’s go. Hold on though as there is no referee, so here is Carlito to be the guest referee.

Carlito does the weapons check, allowing Vince to slap HHH in the face. The bell rings and Vince immediately hides in the ropes, with Carlito covering him up. Vince bails to the floor so the chase is on, with HHH finally going around the other side to catch Vince on the floor. The Pedigree is broken up with a Backstabber so HHH hits Carlito low, which is enough for the DQ.

Post match HHH stays on Vince but here is Umaga for the fight. HHH hits a DDT, which has the expected results. A superkick sends HHH into the corner and there’s the running hip attack. Umaga stops to yell at Carlito so HHH pulls out the sledgehammer to scare Umaga off.

And now Marella At The Movies, featuring Santino Marella and Maria, though she doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. This week they are going to review The Condemned, which Maria thought was fun. Marella says it was fun if you like having your head bashed in with a mallet. He should have been the star, meaning it’s time for a clip with Santino included.

Cue Val Venis to interrupt (this seems to get Maria’s attention), but Santino doesn’t think much of Venis’ acting. He couldn’t believe what Venis did to that donkey in the Shrek based film. Venis offers Maria a spot in his next movie and the beatdown is on with Venis’ leg getting destroyed. I continue to be astounded that Venis is still employed.

John Cena doesn’t think much of the idea that THEY are saying he is going to lose to Randy Orton. It is time to talk about THEY, who know that Cena is losing and that he has changed and that Todd Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his phone. At No Mercy, Orton can hit him with everything from a bell to a microphone to a snow cone to a student loan but Cena will keep getting up every time. You put anyone in front of him and he will always get up and never quit, so let them talk. He’s going to beat Orton so bad that THEY are never going to forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina wins a battle over the lockup to start and they go to the mat with Melina kicking away. Mickie fights up and hits some hard forearms but Melina kicks her in the head for two. The screaming reverse DDT is loaded up but Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring for a distraction. The freaked out Melina gets rolled up for the pin.

Post match Hornswoggle chases Melina underneath the ring and comes out with Melina’s clothes. Hornswoggle runs off, leaving Melina screaming. This was bad back then and it doesn’t hold up well here.

Post break, William Regal yells at Hornswoggle over what happened but Steve-O (from Jackass, and starring in a new upcoming USA series), comes in. Steve-O is here to find a wuss (point of his show), and the distraction lets Hornswoggle leave.

No Mercy rundown.

Steve-O comes in to see Ron Simmons, suggesting that he can make Simmons be less of a wuss. Simmons literally throws him out and hits the catchphrase.

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he is going to make a statement by beating Cena. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and then shoulders him down but Cena is back up with a hiptoss. The armbar goes on but Kennedy gets up, only to get driven into the corner. Kennedy fights out of the corner and punches Cena down before taking him outside for a whip into the steps. We take a break and come back with Kennedy grabbing a chinlock to keep Cena in trouble. Cena fights up and grabs a suplex, setting p the STFU for the very fast tap.

Rating: C. The ending was very quick and there is a reason for that. Cena tore his pectoral muscle when he gave Kennedy the hiptoss, making this a one on one match. There is only so much that can be done when you’re wrestling with one arm and while Cena did what he could, the match wasn’t very good as a result. Kennedy carried it as well as he could, even with the very sudden finish.

Post match Randy Orton runs in, apparently guilty of satellite fraud, and lays out Cena. The steps to the face set up an RKO onto the announcers’ table, with Orton counting to ten as Cena is out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was the big final push towards no Mercy and it only went so well. The biggest problem is that Orton vs. Cena has been set up for several weeks now and there is only so much that they can get out of one more week of building. The HHH vs. Umaga match had to get a last second build and that worked fine, as the match was already set up a month ago. The rest of the show was only ok, though the Cena situation is going to cause some problems.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: September 28, 2007
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re just over a week away from No Mercy and the big Smackdown match is going to be Batista defending the World Title against the Great Khali inside the Punjabi Prison. I’m sure that won’t be a complete disaster as Khali can barely get through a regular match, but stranger things have happened. Now to build the rest of the show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.We open with a recap of last week’s wedding between Teddy Long and Kristal, capped off by the traditional groom’s heart attack.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Vince McMahon and tells him that Teddy has been in a coma for a week and has a history of heart disease. Vince says the show must go on and makes Vickie the new General Manager. Vickie leaves so here is Finlay, who has some things in common with McMahon. They’re both Irish, but they also both have to deal with Hornswoggle. They’ll work on that later.

Opening sequence.

Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson

Victoria takes her down into a front facelock to start as we hear about various things involving looking at Torrie. Back up and Torrie sends her into the ropes and grabs a rollup for two. Cole talks about how much Torrie has improved in the ring but JBL says who cares as long as we can look at her. A snap suplex gives Victoria two but Torrie is back with a headscissors and clothesline. Torrie tries a sunset flip out of the corner but Victoria sits down on it and grabs the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t much of a match, but Cole is right that Torrie has improved in the ring. She’s never going to be the top worker in the division, but she can work a decent enough basic match. The match wasn’t terrible and given how some of the division can be, this was at least passable.

Post match another blonde (looks a good bit like Torrie) comes in and stomps Torrie down, before bending her back around the post to leave her laying.

It’s time for MVP’s VIP Lounge, complete with a bunch of people sitting in on the set. MVP talks about Teddy Long having a heart attack after bringing so much heartache to WWE. Long’s biggest accomplishment is bringing MVP to WWE with this big of a contract and that is because he is better than everyone else. Tonight happens to be a special night for MVP, because it is his one year anniversary around here.

Now he has captured the Tag Team Titles with Matt Hardy…who comes out to interrupt, complete with a gold bottle. Matt acknowledges that even though it isn’t his thing, the VIP Lounge is a big deal. That being said, he knew he had to be here because MVP is his partner and his homie. Matt even has a gift for him in the form of a highlight video of MVP’s first year in WWE. You can imagine all of the horrible things that happen to MVP in said video, which is complete with a lame pop song.

MVP snaps about the video but Matt says he was just ribbing him. Matt calms him down with the bottle, which is popped open and poured, which has MVP calmed down a bit. The toast though sees Matt insulting MVP, who throws Matt out. Hold on though as Matt has one more gift: MVP gets to face Kane tonight!

Chuck Palumbo vs. Kenny Dykstra

Dykstra kicks him down and fires off some boots to the back before we hit the chinlock. Palumbo fights up with an elbow to the face and a backdrop as the pace picks up fast. A middle rope dive is countered into an overhead belly to belly to send Dykstra flying. The Full Throttle finishes for Palumbo in a hurry.

Rating: D+. It was another short match that didn’t have time to go anywhere, but what were you expecting from Palumbo vs. Dykstra? This match wasn’t designed to be some kind of a classic, though it isn’t a good sign when it is the second match in a row that would fit that description. Palumbo isn’t going very far around here, but he’s good enough for a lower card guy.

Steve Austin still things the Marine is pretty snazzy.

Jesse and Festus are ready to debut next week, with Jesse promising Festus will come to life when the bell rings.

Commentary explains the Punjabi Prison and look at Great Khali destroying Batista.

Batista joins us in the back for an interview and says he has no idea how a Punjabi Prison match works. JBL interprets this as him being scared but Batista says Khali will have to take the title from his cold, dead hands. The champ didn’t have much to say here.

Kane vs. MVP

Non-title and MVP starts by cranking on the arm, only to get thrown down by straight power. Some uppercuts in the corner look to set up the big boot but MVP bails to the floor for a breather. That’s enough for MVP to snap Kane’s throat across the top but Kane runs him over again. Kane charges into an elbow in the corner though and a suplex is countered into a DDT to give MVP two.

A neckbreaker gets two more and we hit the…neck pull? Either way, MVP lets him go and Kane is back up with an elbow to the face. The top rope clothesline misses though and MVP gets two more. We hit the arm crank for a bit before Kane is back up and kicking away at the ribs. The chokeslam is blocked and they hit heads for a double knockdown and a break.

Back with MVP cranking on both arms before a running boot in the corner connects for another two. Some running corner clotheslines into the side slam give Kane two of his own but MVP breaks up another top rope clothesline. The break up is broken up though and now the clothesline can connect. The chokeslam is loaded up but MVP kicks him low for the DQ.

Rating: B. This started to roll near the end as MVP kept cutting off everything Kane threw at him. It was a question of how long MVP could hang in there before Kane finally caught him with something, which caused MVP to wrap it up with the DQ. Kane is having a rather nice run at the moment and I can always go for more of his good version.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest with Taryn winning. Lyndy is eliminated, crushing the dreams of dozens.

JBL brings out Rey Mysterio for an interview. He looks down at Rey and says Rey’s machismo is flat out stupidity, but Rey asks what’s up with the hatred. Does it bug JBL when he is here interviewing Rey instead of someone interviewing him? OF COURSE IT DOES, because JBL has twice the talent as Rey. That’s cool with Mysterio, who tells JBL to put up or shut up. JBL brings up Rey’s match against Great Khali next week and shoves him down, only to have Rey come back. The 619 is loaded up but here is Finlay with the Shillelagh to knock Rey cold.

Hornswoggle is in Vickie Guerrero’s office, where Vickie says that the Cruiserweight Title is making him a target. It’s even worse because he is now a McMahon, so she is making him abdicate the title. Hornswoggle hands it over, and that’s that for the belt. Fair enough, as it isn’t like the title has meant anything in years.

Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore

They start fast and head outside, with Moore sending him back first into the apron. Noble takes him off the top and grabs the Boston crab, sending Moore straight to the ropes. A swinging neckbreaker gets Moore out of trouble and a legdrop gives him two. Noble is back with something like a reverse Alabama Slam out of the corner, setting up a gutbuster for the pin.

Rating: C. Commentary kept hyping up the future of the cruiserweight division and if this is as good as it gets, they can’t get rid of the title fast enough. The division has not mattered for years now and the Hornswoggle reign was all the proof you could have needed. This was another completely watchable match, albeit one that felt like it meant a grand total of nothing.

Great Khali, through Runjin Singh, promises to get the title back from Batista.

No Mercy rundown.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Henry goes straight to the floor to start (and might have gotten his leg caught in the ropes on the way out) and the fight is on. Back in and Undertaker gets up a boot in the corner before striking away. Old School is pulled out of the air and it’s Henry getting to hammer away even more. Undertaker sits up to avoid a big elbow though and there’s the jumping clothesline. The chokeslam finishes Henry quick.

Rating: C-. This felt like a way to write Henry off of the show for awhile as Undertaker shrugged off most of what Henry threw at him and then beat him with the chokeslam. I’m not sure what is next for Henry, but beating a monster like this is not the best sign for his future. Undertaker is probably back in the title picture sooner rather than later, as it is hard to keep him away from the belt for that long.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of the lamer Smackdowns in a long time as it felt like everyone was taking a week off. The only star power was Undertaker vs. Mark Henry in a match that felt like a post show dark match wound up on television. Maybe they were just taking a week off here, but there was almost nothing worth seeing here outside of Kane vs. MVP. I’d like to believe it’s a one off situation, but this wasn’t a good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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