Monday Nitro #205
Date: September 13, 1999
Location: Dean Smith Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolinas
Attendance: 5,571
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the night after Fall Brawl and again I’m convinced WCW has hit rock bottom. The Revolution got swept last night and Sting turned heel to win the World Title, despite the fans sounding pleased with the results. We’re now a month away from Halloween Havoc and it’s time to see how Nitro goes without Bischoff running things behind the scenes. Let’s get to it.

Things are already looking up on this show as we look back at last week with Hart challenging Hogan and all the Hogan/Sting/Luger shenanigans.

Nitro Girls.

Quick recap of last night. That’s the best way to do it if you absolutely must.

Recap of Benoit and Malenko having a good match for a World Title shot tonight until Sid interfered to give us a good old fashioned bait and switch.

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Rematch with the same stipulations as last week with Saturn and Douglas at ringside. Feeling out process to start as they fight over a hammerlock. Benoit scores with an enziguri but can’t hook a dragon suplex. Instead Dean nails him with an elbow tot he jaw but they both fall out to the floor. Mostly even match so far. Saturn and Douglas don’t let it turn into a brawl as Tony is talking about Sting, which actually ties into this match. You can tell Bischoff isn’t in his ear this week.

Dean takes over with a short arm scissors back inside but Benoit powers out and drops Dean for two. Malenko avoids a dropkick and goes for the leg but Benoit is right next to the ropes. Benoit misses a charge in the corner but catches Dean taking way too long to get up top, setting up a top rope superplex to put both guys down.

A double clothesline gives us a double cover before we hit a very crisp pinfall reversal sequence. Benoit starts rolling Germans but Dean counters into a rollup for two. That’s enough for Benoit as he hooks a belly to back and slits the throat, only to get caught on top for another superplex, but Benoit hooks Dean’s leg on the way down and ties the legs together into a small package for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B+. That might be high but this is the best match WCW has had probably in months. It wasn’t even ten minutes long but they packed stuff into this match with both guys getting to look great. There’s a great story in here with Benoit trying to use suplexes and throws while Dean wanted to break Benoit down by going for body parts but kept getting in trouble when he went out of his comfort zone, namely whenever he went to the top. At the end of the day, there is no substitute for a really good wrestling match and that’s exactly what you got here.

All four members of the team gets in to hug post match.

Gene is in the ring and brings back Ric Flair as he returns in the Carolinas again. They’re already about 10,000x better than what we got last night. I wonder how much of a difference the lack of Bischoff makes as there’s a good chance he booked the PPV before leaving and this is the first real show without him.

Ric is back in face mode and sucks up to the crowd, who of course love him like free beer in a frat house. Flair alludes to being free (of Bischoff I’d assume) before talk turns to Sting and Luger. He doesn’t approve of how Sting won the title. I’ll let you pause to laugh at that for a minute. This brings the two of them out to say it’s their time now, meaning it’s time for Flair to go because they’ve been held back long enough. Somehow they’re onto something as they’ve combined for eleven World Titles and Flair has I think fourteen at this point?

Ric says they have to to earn their spots, which you would think they did years ago but Flair has always had some issues with reality. Luger and Sting deck Flair and put him in their respective submissions, drawing out Hart and Hogan for the save. Hogan sets up the tag match for later, which he’s doing for Flair. You know, for all those great moments they’ve had together earlier this year.

After a break, Luger and Sting laugh because Luger doesn’t have medical clearance or any gear. Sting not mentioning facing Benoit later scares me.

Berlyn’s entourage arrives.

DJ Ran throws it to Riki Rachman to show us last week’s winner in the Nitro Girls competition and introduce this week’s finalists. None of them are Stacy Keibler so we’ll move on.

JJ Dillon is on the phone with a doctor in Florida and finds out that Luger has been cleared for three weeks. My what convenient timing for him to finally look into that.

Stills of Benoit vs. Sid from last night. The faster we move on from this the better a lot of people will be.

Erik Watts vs. Disco Inferno

Someone explain to me why WCW keeps Watts on the payroll. They must owe Bill a favor of some kind. Erik “Let me show you my dropkick” Watts hammers away to start but gets armdragged and hiptossed, setting up dance time. He stomps Watts down in the corner but misses a charge, allowing Watts to powerslam him into the corner. Think the Oklahoma Stampede minus the followup powerslam.

Watts stays on the ribs but Disco counters a Russian legsweep into one of his own, even though it’s pretty much the same move either way. The middle rope elbow misses though and DEAR GOODNESS TURN DOWN THE CROWD NOISE! The fans suddenly go from silent to losing their minds in the span of half a second as we go split screen to show Sid. Disco hits the Last Dance for the pin a second later.

Rating: D-. That powerslam wasn’t bad but the audio going nuts was the most entertaining part of the match. Disco really deserves something better than this. Even a low level tag team or something like that would be nice for him. Instead he’s stuck in these lame matches and about to get powerbombed in half by Sid.

Of course that’s exactly what happens, plus Sid rambling on about not putting up with trash like this, or with Goldberg for that matter. Charles Robinson was holding the signs as Sid is now at 82-0 and got to wear the US Title. Somehow, it kind of suits him.

Silver King vs. Norman Smiley

Norman shoves him around to start but takes a quick enziguri (a popular move tonight) and a quick flip splash. King sends Norman outside and teases a dive which looks so horrible that Smiley doesn’t even bother to move. Back in and Smiley busts out the Big Wiggle but has to hit a wheelbarrow slam, followed by the spinning slam. Not that any of it matters though as Sid comes in for the no contest.

Chokeslams and double pins make Sid 84-0.

We recap the horrid Berlyn vs. Duggan match from Sunday.

Steve Regal/Dave Taylor vs. Barry Windham/Kendall Windham

Regal runs over Kendall with ease to start and takes him to the mat for a well needed wrestling lesson. A front facelock has Kendall in trouble and Regal goes behind him to throw Kendall around a bit. Off to Barry and the gut of doom before Taylor comes in for a European uppercut. The Windhams take Taylor into the corner for a double teaming with the Windhams moving at top speed. Well top speed for them at least, which is slow motion for most other teams.

Taylor finally rolls away, somehow countering the Windham’s lightning quick offense to make the tag to Regal. Steve comes in with those pretty lame left hands of his and a Regal Cutter to Barry as everything breaks down. Taylor hooks Barry in a leg lock but Kendall makes the quick save. The referee goes after Taylor, allowing Hennig to hit Regal with the cowbell to give Barry the pin.

Rating: D. The Windhams need to get away from my screen as soon as possible. They’re not interesting, they’re not good in the ring, they’re not really in shape and they’re not losing like they should be. The Brits are a decent heel team and could actually have a nice match if given the chance, but here they are jobbing to the Windhams, who still aren’t over after losing the titles a day earlier.

Back from a break with Jerry Flynn in the ring but Goldberg is shown coming to the ring with security while wearing street clothes. Goldberg comes down to the ring and passes Prince Iaukea, who seems to be Flynn’s scheduled opponent. THANK YOU BILL! Goldberg isn’t pleased with Sid’s comments earlier and would like to challenge him to a match. That’s the cleaned up version of course. We cut to Sid in the back where again his audio is so low that I can’t hear a thing he says. He picks up a bag and leaves as Goldberg is still in the ring. Flynn complains and I think you can guess what happens.

Stills of the Tag Team Title match last night.

Harlem Heat vs. First Family

So we had Malenko and Douglas lose last night for a non-title match? The countdown is on for those guys. Ray and Morrus stall for a few moments to start before both guys shove each other around. Knobbs comes in for a double team attempt but Booker kicks him in the face to send us to a commercial. Back with all four fighting outside until it’s Morrus slamming Ray for two inside.

The Family hits back to back splashes in the corner but try a double clothesline and get run over for their efforts. At least Stevie is at the point where he can run at people and stick his arms out. I mean WCW praises the Clowns for doing it so they should praise Stevie too right? Booker comes in to fire some kicks at Knobbs but the Rednecks come back out to break up the missile dropkick for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad and they’re getting the idea of making the hot tag to someone who can actually use some speed. That being said, did Douglas and Malenko really just lose to the First Family to set up a loss to Harlem Heat the next night to continue the boring rivalry with the Rednecks? That’s what we really just did? The fact that it’s not the Clowns getting this feud is somehow the best news to come out of this.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Lenny Lane/Lodi

Oh this is going to hurt. Vampiro is hurting as well after a bunch of injuries to his head and eye after the match last night. Lodi is wearing an East Carolina University football jersey. Does he want a job in WWF (Vince went to school there if that made no sense)? A fan runs into the ring before the match but it turns out to be Tony Mamaluke, who has been following Lenny and Lodi recently. Heenan: “Take him out back and hang him.” When did Brain get so harsh?

J. does some bad looking hiptosses so Lenny starts prancing a bit. A gorilla press sends Lenny running on his knees to Lodi. The camera goes to Vampiro at ringside and thankfully he says there’s something more important going on and points to the ring. Shaggy hammers on Lodi and Stuns Lane across the top rope. A double suplex sends 2 Dope into the ropes as the fans are cheering for the Clowns. The brothers hit a knee lift into a legdrop for two on Shaggy but we get heel (?) miscommunication to allow the tag to J.

Tony and Heenan keep sucking up to the Clowns and say they deserve a Tag Team Title shot. My goodness ANYTHING but that. We get the spot where Lenny and Lodi are knocked into sexual positions before they plant Shaggy with a double DDT for two. The brothers load up a suplex/cross body combination but Lodi hits Lenny by mistake, allowing Shaggy to roll Lenny up for the pin on the Cruiserweight Champion.

Rating: F. A Clown just pinned a champion in what was supposed to set up Shaggy winning the title. Thankfully the Clowns wouldn’t wrestle again in WCW until August so this didn’t go anywhere, but my goodness. They’re treated like good guys, the announcers freak out over hip tosses, and they’re pinning a champion. Just….come on WCW. Even you should be better than this.

The Clowns want Kidman. That recruiting thing isn’t going to be mentioned again is it?

WCW World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Sting

Before the match, Benoit talks about Sid tapping out last night and the whole world saw it, but sometimes the calls don’t go your way. Instead of violins playing Sting to the ring, dogs are barking and Rick Steiner is here. Oh geez here we go. Rick says this isn’t Benoit’s night and for absolutely no adequately explained reason, this is happening instead of Benoit’s World Title shot.

TV Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rick Steiner

Steiner hammers away to start and knees Chris in the ribs. He plants Benoit with a powerslam as this is one sided so far. More beating in the corner ensues until Rick does that face grab of his. Steiner shoves the referee before they head outside with Benoit going into the barricade. Total and complete squash so far.

A belly to belly sets up more face ripping, followed by one of the most painful looking release German suplexes I’ve ever seen. Benoit landed right on the back of his head in a huge crash that made me cringe. It’s only good for two though so Steiner smacks the referee in the face, allowing Benoit to grab a bad looking rollup for the fast count and the pin for the title. Steiner clearly kicked out at about two and a half.

Rating: D-. This right here is the moment where it was clear WCW did not care about Chris Benoit. Yes he won the title but he had a total of some right hands at the beginning and a rollup with a fast count due to something Steiner did. This was all about Steiner and Benoit got squashed the entire time after having a great match earlier tonight because in WCW’s eyes, Steiner is more important than Benoit by definition. On top of that, there’s the whole missing World Title shot. Why stick around if you’re Benoit?

Post match, Steiner destroys Benoit until Malenko makes the save. Just in case you needed any more proof that Benoit is just a guy and might as well have been Prince Iaukea in WCW’s eyes.

Video on the Revolution. You know, those four guys that Steiner and Sid regularly beat up.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn

The Revolution and Filthy Animals are at ringside with Kidman looking to be in pajamas. Feeling out process to start with both guys trading attempts at holds until it’s Eddie grabbing a headlock. Saturn shoves him off and hits a big T-Bone before putting on a headlock of his own. Somehow both guys have already had as much or more offense than Benoit in the previous match.

Back up and Guerrero jumps on Saturn’s back for a sleeper as Tony takes way too long to get to a commercial. We come back with Saturn hitting a hard belly to back suplex but it seems to just fire Eddie up. Things speed WAY up with a sweet exchange of sleeper attempts and suplexes, all of which do little more than make me even angrier at Rick Steiner and Sid for getting pushed so hard.

Eddie gets T-Boned off the top but is still able to hot shot Saturn in the corner. The third T-Bone sends Eddie flying again and makes me think I’m watching a Taz match. The Death Valley Driver is countered though and Eddie plants him with a brainbuster. Eddie has to bail out of the Frog Splash but escapes another DVD attempt, setting up a solid pinfall reversal sequence. Saturn sits down on a headscissors attempt and gets a surprise pin.

Rating: B. Another awesome match here between two guys who can just get in a ring and go. Therefore, neither guy is going to get anywhere around here. This show has had some really good wrestling but also been some of the most frustrating stuff I’ve ever seen. Some combination of these guys could be tearing it up with Harlem Heat for the Tag Team Titles but we’re getting the Windhams and threats of the Clowns because WCW is that stupid.

The groups stare each other down and war is imminent. Why have them fight big names when you can just have them fight each other right?

Berlyn vs. Buff Bagwell

So he’ll skip the PPV (while still appearing to likely get a payday) but he’ll fight on TV where more people are watching? Again, WCW is stupid. The interpreter is back and goes to the commentary booth to make this even more painful. She starts speaking German and the voice is already annoying. Bagwell stalls to start as Tony actually calls this an anticipated match.

A nice dropkick puts Bagwell down and the German continues. Some clotheslines look to set up the Blockbuster but Buff gets crotched on top. The bodyguard gets yelled at as this match is already dragging. Berlyn gets two off a belly to back suplex and we hit the chinlock. The comeback sets up a top rope clothesline and some basic offense as Berlyn is knocked down in the corner. A hot shot sets up a punch from the bodyguard, giving Berlyn the three count.

Rating: D-. Gah this was dull and it barely broke five minutes. It was a short step better than the Duggan match but it’s clear that Berlyn isn’t going anywhere. The German chick got annoying the second she started talking and it didn’t make the match any better. On top of that, it’s clear that they’re going for the Shawn/Diesel formula with the bodyguard becoming the star, but Berlyn is as far from Shawn Michaels as I am from being Miss Nebraska 1973.

We get a long video on Sting posing the theory that Sting’s entire run as the crow was just there to set up his heel turn last night. It’s a cool video but this sounds like some nonsense about the moon landing being staged in a big studio somewhere. It doesn’t help that the video contains dialogue like this: “Perhaps Sting was driving the Hummer that attacked Kevin Nash. He was seen getting out of a Hummer a week later, remember?” They even bring up NWO Sting being part of Sting’s grand plan.

Sting/Lex Luger vs. Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan

Luger is in street clothes and it’s a brawl to start. Hogan and Sting get inside with Hulk destroying the champ with all the right hands he can throw. Bret comes in for right hands of his own as Luger finally gets on the apron. The champ comes back with a clothesline and the fans loudly cheer for him. If you were just watching the match with no commentary or any idea what happened last night, you would have almost no reason to believe Sting was a heel.

It’s off to Hogan vs. Luger with Hulk firing off even more right hands but eating the running forearm to the head. Sting comes in with a top rope splash for two because heels use high flying moves. Back to Luger for more choking as we’re still waiting on wrestling to start. Hogan blocks a ram into the buckle but Sting comes back in for a suplex. Lex starts going after the knee as this match needs to just die already.

The knee goes nowhere as Hogan clotheslines both guys down, setting up the lukewarm tag to Bret. A quick Russian suplex gets two on the champ and the middle rope elbow gets the same. Everything breaks down as Diamond Dallas Page comes out for no apparent reason, carrying a ball bat. Hogan knocks it away as Bret has Sting in the Sharpshooter but Luger picks it up and nails Bret in the face, giving Sting the pin.

Rating: F. When I’m miserable over the fact that there are only two minutes left in a match, there’s something very wrong. This was terribly boring with no one putting it into even second gear. It doesn’t help that the story makes no sense. All of a sudden Sting is EVIL (despite not really doing anything evil tonight), Bret and Hogan are Flair fans and Page is now hanging out with Luger and Sting. Terrible match here and I have no interest in seeing this go forward.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a really hard one to grade. The Revolution matches (save for Benoit vs. Steiner but that was the booking’s fault) were really good and some of the better TV matches WCW has put on in a very long time. Unfortunately though there’s a HUGE gap between those and the main event matches, which ranged from horrible to the preferred method of torture in 14 countries.

This show was a perfect illustration of how nothing is going to change in WCW. The young guys can go out there and have great matches that actually get the fans reacting, but no one is going to break through into the main event scene. Those guys exist to fight each other and warm the crowd up so the real stars can have their boring matches with whatever nonsense stories they’re running. It’s like banging your head against a wall and wondering why the door doesn’t move. As usual, the wrestling can be good in spots but the booking will make you pull your hair out.

Thunder was canceled this week due to a hurricane and replaced by a recap show so I won’t be putting it up. Sorry to the four people that actually read those recaps.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Fall Brawl 1999
Date: September 12, 1998
Location: Lawrence Joel Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 7,491
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Well we had to get here eventually, even though I don’t think people wanted to. The main event here is Sting vs. Hogan for the title and Goldberg vs. Page because those are fresh matches. We also get to see the Revolution rising up the card in a big No DQ tag match and Benoit defending the US Title against one of the draws in Sid, who is nice enough to give Benoit a main event rub. This is also the first show without Bischoff at the helm so some of the details could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video that looks like it’s inspired by the Matrix with rapid fire text behind shots of Sting, Luger and Hogan as they talk about who can trust each other. Hogan will NEVER screw Sting of course.

The announcers, all wearing black ribbons in honor of Mark Curtis (nice touch), aren’t sure who should trust who either. Sid is officially 79-0 coming into tonight, because they wanted to match Goldberg’s Streak but couldn’t even keep their fake wins even with Goldberg fighting for the title in his 75^th match.

Video on the Clowns vs. the actual wrestlers. The point of the video is about whether they’re wrestlers or musicians plus something about Eddie and Vampiro not liking each other in Mexico. Nothing is mentioned about the Clowns and Vampiro recruiting various wrestlers, making it even more pointless than it seemed before.

The set is a big FALL BRAWL sign with the letters being used as the video screen. As I’m sure you can guess, this makes the video almost impossible to see, meaning WCW managed to screw up the idea of A BIG SCREEN.

Insane Clown Posse/Vampiro vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Same opener as last month. Mysterio now has bleached blond hair and the same attire as Kidman. We pause a bit as the heels are scared because they’ve never seen the color yellow. Xanthophobists. The stalling begins as Heenan points out the resemblance between Violent J. (with hair as blond as Mysterio) and Brian Knobbs. Kidman and Shaggy finally get things going with Shaggy sending Kidman into Vampiro’s boot. A dropkick puts Mr. 2 Dope (or is it Mr. Dope? His parents gave him the middle name 2?) down and they botch a wheelbarrow slam into a guillotine legdrop from Rey.

Eddie adds the slingshot hilo and the Clown is in early trouble. Mysterio hits the springboard falling splash before throwing him over for a tag to J. A catapult sends him into the buckle and the Clowns do the fake tag bit to bring in Vampiro. It’s off to Kidman who dropkicks Vampiro back into the corner, meaning we get more Clowns. Oh how blessed we truly are. J. scores with a chop (wow he can stick his hand out!) and it’s back to Vampiro for a good powerbomb on Kidman (that’s twice in two weeks. Kidman must be sick) for two.

A top rope spinwheel kick to the hands gets two for Vampiro as Tony gets in the revelation of the night, saying he used to braid his hair like Vampiro. Thankfully Tenay doesn’t let that by but Tony gets away from it as fast as he can. Back to J. for a weak chop before Kidman nails him with a clothesline. Rey comes in with the springboard seated senton and a Lionsault for two but the Clowns cheat to take Mysterio outside. Shaggy even needs help whipping Rey into the barricade.

Back in for a chinlock and some horrible stomps from Shaggy. Vampiro goes after Eddie and Kidman but it allows Rey to tag in Eddie to speed things up. A quick mule kick puts Guerrero down though and it’s back to J. for a side slam. Shaggy drops a top rope legdrop, which barely grazes Eddie’s forehead for two. There is zero reason to allow them to do high risk moves like that when they clearly can’t do them right. If nothing else it’s not fair to Eddie to lay there with his head and neck in danger like that.

Everything breaks down and Shaggy and Vampiro HORRIBLY botch something like a 3D with Vampiro sitting instead of falling and Shaggy losing his grip on Eddie, turning it into more of an assisted backdrop than anything else. Rey is down on the floor and seems to be hurt. Vampiro gutwrench superplexes Kidman but eats a missile dropkick from Eddie, who looks ticked off. The shooting star from Kidman is enough to pin Vampiro.

Rating: D-. I feel so, so sorry for the Filthy Animals here as they were in there with guys who had no business in the ring and had to babysit them. Eddie had to take that legdrop on his head and the botched 3D and Mysterio got hurt (might not have been the Clowns’ fault to be fair). These guys should be on the Revolution’s level right now (Eddie would be fine as a mouthpiece instead of Shane) but instead they’re in these bad opening matches because they have one talented guy to work with instead of three, putting them at a huge and unsafe handicap.

The Revolution guarantees a clean sweep tonight.

We recap Lenny Lane winning the Cruiserweight Title, which is basically just him sending Rey into Lodi and rolling him up for the pin. Kaz Hayashi pinned Lenny in a match against Lodi and that’s enough for the title shot. Of course these guys couldn’t keep an eye on the Clowns while the other three fight over the title.

Cruiserweight Title: Kaz Hayashi vs. Lenny Lane

Lodi has at least toned it down a bit and is just covered in glitter and wearing leather pants. It’s amazing how much different Tony is without Bischoff around as he’s staying on the stories and matches without saying anything overly stupid. Feeling out process to start until Lane prances around the ring. Kaz fires off some kicks to the leg and kicks Lenny in the back to pull him down into a sunset flip for two. That’s a new one. A nice headscissors sends Lane to the floor and he jumps into Lodi’s arms in an old standard. Kaz dives onto both of them and the champ is still in trouble.

Lodi finally gets something right by tripping Hayashi to give Lane control. A sitout wheelbarrow slam gets two on Kaz and it’s time to pose. Lane hits a nice sitout gutwrench powerbomb for two as this match is actually pretty good so far. Kaz gets back up and sends Lenny outside for a big flip dive. The advantage is short lived though as Lodi gets in a cheap shot to give Lenny control again.

We hit the chinlock with Chris Jericho look-a-like Lenny Lane telling the referee to ask him. Hayashi escapes a German suplex and gets two off a standing hurricanrana, only to get bulldogged down for the same. The champ gets caught in a belly to back and a running Liger Bomb out of the corner gets two more with Lodi making the save. You can tell Bischoff is gone as Tony actually knew the name of the move.

Kaz is crotched on top and you can see the glitter all over his back. Lenny and Lodi almost collide, allowing Kaz to grab a victory roll for two more. Lodi’s next attempt at cheating works though as he snaps Kaz throat first across the top rope, setting up a Skull Crushing Finale to retain Lenny’s title.

Rating: C+. Why do I have a bad feeling we just saw the match of the night? This was far better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much as I didn’t expect anything from this one. It’s a totally acceptable and at times quite good match with Kaz being a good choice as challenger of the week to Lane’s title, even though he’s just keeping it warm until we get to a bigger name to take over as champion.

Here’s Sting for the pay per view interview before his title shot in the main event. First up, Luger is on the verge of losing their friendship forever. Tonight is beyond big for Sting so if Luger sticks his nose in his business tonight, it’s the same result as it was last week. I’m assuming he means earlier this week on Monday when Sting punched him but you can’t expect grown men to remember things like days of the week. Sting takes the mic and says his ninth title reign could start tonight because it’s showtime folks. This really didn’t need to be on pay per view.

We recap the Revolution vs. the First Family and I still have no idea why this match is happening.

Shane Douglas/Dean Malenko vs. Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs

No DQ for reasons that have yet to be explained. Shane says we’re in Saginaw, Michigan, which to be fair is where they taped Thunder a mere ten days earlier. It’s a brawl to start, which is what it should be in a No DQ match. Morrus easily stomps Shane down on the floor, leaving Dean to beat up both villains on his own. Shane comes back in to low blow both guys as you can see the fans leaving to go to the concession stands.

The First Family poses outside so some baseball slides (baseball grab the rope and kick for Shane) knock them into the aisle. The announcers do everything they can to put the First Family over as a major threat and a good team, even as Malenko and Douglas send them into the steps. Lots of punching abounds until we settle down to Knobbs vs. Shane in the ring. Brian gives him the Pit Stop before it’s off to Malenko to armdrag the legal Morrus. Hugh hammers away in the corner but charges into Shane’s boots.

Back to Dean as you can still see about ten seats opposite the hard camera sitting empty. They head outside with Brian sending Shane into the barricade but Douglas trips Morrus off the apron to take over. Back in and Knobbs slams Shane down, only to dive into a raised boot. The hot tag brings in Dean to clean house as the fans really aren’t interested. Could it be because he’s beating up some goofs who should be headlining Saturday Night? Knobbs is sent to the floor where he trips Dean, allowing Morrus to plant him with a slam, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin. It really was that sudden.

Rating: G. As in good grief just close the doors now. I know the big match coming later that people usually rant about on this show, but this one is far more absurd. At least with the other one it’s a big name going over an up and comer. This is putting two young(ish) guys down for the sake of pushing BRIAN KNOBBS??? To make it even worse, the First Family would win a total of two more televised matches for the rest of the year, meaning this didn’t even lead anywhere.

This comes off as more of a political move than anything else, as WCW can now say the fans aren’t behind the Revolution because fans rarely cheer teams that lose completely clean to low level tag teams on pay per view. “See? The fans don’t like them so there’s no point in pushing them. Maybe they can put over the Rednecks again so we can laugh at those southern idiots cheering a couple of cowboys.” The No DQ stuff didn’t mean anything else as they were only on the floor in the first part of the match.

I watched this match out of context a few years back and I was more angry than anything else. Watching it again, with all the Nitros and Thunders to give it context, it’s more sad now. Somehow seeing these two jugheads beat the team that should be helping bring WCW into the new generation doesn’t surprise me. It’s something that makes sense for WCW and makes me wonder how Dean and company managed to stay as long as they did. That’s sad.

Tony immediately brings up Saturn being wrong about guaranteeing a sweep tonight, just to emphasize that the Revolution is a bunch of losers.

We recap Saturn vs. Steiner which is little more than old vs. new for old’s TV Title, which he’s already said is worthless and doesn’t even carry with him.

TV Title: Perry Saturn vs. Rick Steiner

As usual, the announcers talk about Scott Steiner like he’s here every week even though he hasn’t been seen in about four months. Steiner immediately takes Saturn down and hits him in the face as we’re told that Buff Bagwell hasn’t arrived yet so there will be a replacement for his match with Berlyn.

Saturn speeds things up with a superkick and spinning springboard legdrop to send the champ outside, setting up a nice suicide dive. The fans aren’t reacting to these moves but they’re nice at least. Back in and a release German gets two on the champ but he kicks Saturn between the legs (thankfully the referee wasn’t looking for a change) to take over. Tenay talks about Mark Curtis passing away and you can tell the announcers really cared for him.

Saturn is sent outside and into the steps, followed by an exposed DDT on the concrete. Now in 1986, that started a big house show feud between Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat. Here, it doesn’t keep Saturn off his feet for thirty seconds. Steiner hits a good looking release German for two and we hit the reverse chinlock to keep the crowd comatose. Now it’s a kneeling half crab, making Saturn slap the mat to get the crowd fired up, which isn’t tapping out because of…..uh, reasons.

Steiner clearly isn’t even pulling back on the hold to make this an even bigger laughingstock. Thankfully Saturn doesn’t bother to sell it and hits a middle rope dropkick and a modified t-bone suplex for two of his own. The Death Valley Driver gets the same to make it clear that Steiner is retaining. He rams Saturn stomach first into the buckle but gets crotched on top. It’s more false hope though as Steiner shoves him off the ropes and hits the bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. Saturn was trying but you can’t out work stupid booking. I have no idea who thought keeping the title on Steiner was a good idea at this point but they must have had a lot of stroke. The TV Title isn’t going to make it to the middle of April (and would be gone for about two and a half months in between) and it’s this reign that killed it. The matches haven’t been good (his opponents’ halves have been watchable but that’s about it) and the fans just do not react to him. Plus there was that time when he said the title was worthless. Why keep the title around if there’s nothing to it?

Tony keeps piling on the Revolution and makes it worse by bringing up Goldberg beating Steiner last month, just to emphasize how many people there are that are better than Saturn.

Hogan is sick of the wrestlers questioning him. He’s promised his kids that he will not stab Sting in the back because he would have done it a long time ago. Tonight, he’s taking care of Sting and he’ll take care of Luger later. Ignore the WE WANT FLAIR chants during this segment because Flair isn’t a draw, especially in the Carolinas.

The announcers speculate about Hogan being worried. They really picked now to kill time after three straight heel wins?

Berlyn vs. ???

Berlyn has a big bodyguard with him meaning the horrible blonde interpreter seems to be gone. The replacement opponent……Jim Duggan. Berlyn jumps him before the bell but a dropkick doesn’t put Duggan down. Some clotheslines send Berlyn over the top and out to the floor for a USA chant. After some stalling, an atomic drop sends Berlyn into the corner as it’s almost all Duggan.

Berlyn kicks him in the ribs and grabs a headlock before Jim no sells a European uppercut. An eye poke finally slows him down and we hit the chinlock to kill whatever momentum they were getting. Duggan fights up and drives some shoulders into the ribs before they hit the mat for something resembling a wrestling sequence, which is somehow even worse than you would expect. Now they just stand there and look at each other until Berlyn hooks the worst snapmare this side of Dusty vs. Flair at Starrcade 1985.

We hit another chinlock as Heenan says this looks like two winos fighting over a bottle on the sidewalk. Bobby gets in an easy set of jokes about a hair takedown (“Is that German? When I’m over there it’s Herr Heenan and Okerlund is still Herr less.”) as they head outside for the yet to be named Wall to run Duggan over with a clothesline. Back in and they finally end this mess with Berlyn hitting a sitdown neckbreaker, which Duggan sells by falling backwards onto him.

Rating: F. As much as I’d love to blast Berlyn, this was almost all on Duggan. He wouldn’t sell and spent most of the match making goofy faces instead of doing anything productive. The announcers were more into the bodyguard than the match, but can you blame them after this mess? This was pretty much it for Berlyn as he wouldn’t recover from this mess. I feel bad for him as this is the second time this happened to Wright. You might remember SuperBrawl V in 1995, where Paul Roma basically did the exact same thing. That’s some horrible luck.

We cut to the back to see Buff Bagwell who says he can be ready in two minutes but agent Mike Graham says the format has already been changed. Buff hits the ring but Duggan is mad at him. From what I can find, Bagwell didn’t want to do the job so they sent Duggan out there instead. As unprofessional as that is, can you blame Bagwell? He was supposed to get this big push and then Piper wouldn’t put him over in a wrestling match and Bagwell’s push was gone, so now he’s supposed to job to Alex Wright in a gimmick that has already bombed? As usual, WCW seems to be a huge mess behind and in front of the camera.

Quick recap of the Tag Team Title feud. The Rednecks cheated to win the belts and Harlem Heat wants their rematch. After all this mess tonight, a simple story like that sounds great.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. West Texas Rednecks

Kendall Windham in a spot this big doesn’t sound good however. Curly Bill isn’t here, which is probably best for everyone involved. Curt however is here with the cowbell. Heenan brings up the Steiners as the most dominant tag team of all time (because where would we be without praising them in 1999?) and Tony says they were the best team of the 1980s, despite wrestling for a year at most in that decade.

After a brawl to start it’s Booker kicking Kendall down before Barry comes in and getting double suplexed. There’s a big boot to Barry’s face as the crowd is trying to get into this for some reason. Then the tag brings in Kendall and the fans go right back down, which WCW never seemed to learn. Stevie stares at Kendall for trying to punch him but a right hand from Barry puts him down. Barry just looks horribly out of shape and it’s a very good thing that he’s wrestling in a t-shirt.

Curt doesn’t seem to be paying attention as a double clothesline gets two on Stevie. Ray powerslams him down and it’s off to Kendall vs. Booker with T. taking over with the usual kicks. Hennig gets on the apron but Booker kicks Kendall down again, sending all three Rednecks to the floor. Booker follows them out and gets beaten up as Stevie is too slow getting over for the save.

Back in and Booker shrugs off Kendall’s lame offense and hits the ax kick, only to have Barry clothesline him down. Hennig gets in some cheap shots as Stevie gets held back by the referee. Barry’s superplex gets two with Stevie finally getting the timing right on the save. The spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Booker as this match just keeps going. The referee doesn’t see the tag to Stevie and the Rednecks cheat even more.

Kendall gets two off a middle rope clothesline and Stevie doesn’t even have to move from the apron to make the save. They redo the missed tag spot but this time Stevie just beats the Windhams up anyway. Everything breaks down and Curt hits Stevie with the cowbell but the referee doesn’t see the cover. Booker comes in off the top with the missile dropkick to give the Heat the belts back.

Rating: D. And that’s being generous because I’ve failed a lot of matches tonight. This was so boring as it went on about five minutes longer than it should have and didn’t get anywhere. Harlem Heat getting the belts back is definitely the right move, but we’re right back where we were after Road Wild went off the air. This show is long past the point of saving and this didn’t help things. It doesn’t help that this is the sixth match and the second won by good guys. Side note: this is the eleventh title change of the year (counting vacations) and we’re eight and a half months into the year. There would be eight more coming.

We recap the Sid Vicious Streak and Benoit challenging him because that’s what a good, young wrestler does. Sid even called Benoit the only member of the Revolution that stood out. Here’s his reward for impressing Sid.

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Chris Benoit

I love how the announcers just talk about Sid’s streak like it’s legit and the same as Goldberg’s, even after showing us how he got there. Tenay brings up the disaster that was the battle royal competition on Monday to get things going. We start with the stalling as referee Charles Robinson is accused of being a Sid cheerleader. Sid shoves Benoit down and stops to yell at the fans. Tony: “That was a big moment for Sid.” Sid knocks him to the floor with a shoulder as the announcers are already treating this like a mismatch.

Back in and Sid hammers away before choking on the ropes. A dragon screw leg whip puts Sid down and Benoit starts working on the knee like a smart wrestler would. An Indian deathlock makes Sid scream as the empty seats are showing up again. The fans chant for Goldberg as Sid gets back up and kicks at Benoit in the corner. A running boot misses but confirms that Sid isn’t interested in selling the knee. Benoit wraps the knee around the post and crushes them between the post and steps (Tony: “HOLY CHRISTMAS!”) twice in a row.

Sid is thrown back inside and easily catches Benoit’s top rope cross body, even lifting up his good knee to drive into Benoit’s back, meaning he’s holding Benoit up on the bad leg alone thirty seconds after Benoit crushed it against the post. All hope is lost. Benoit muscles him over with a German but Sid pops up and hits a Samoan drop to counter a crucifix attempt. A cobra clutch puts Benoit down again and we hit the chinlock (with Sid’s hands around Benoit’s face and no pressure on the back because Sid CAN’T EVEN DO A CHINLOCK PROPERLY) because all this no selling has made Sid tired.

Benoit fights up and tries a sunset flip but Sid just sits on him to stop any comeback attempt. Another dropkick to the knee puts Sid down and there’s the Crossface. Sid SLAPS THE MAT but it’s hitting the mat in disgust instead of tapping. My goodness this is killing my soul. Sid of course gets to stand up and break the hold but is nice enough to fall back down with his foot in the ropes. Not that it matters as Sid avoids the Swan Dive and powerbombs Benoit for the pin and the title.

Rating: S. For Screw You WCW. Seriously screw you. Benoit was doing everything he could out there to tell a story by going after the knee and trying to break Sid down but Sid just gets up and does whatever he wants because WCW is run by a bunch of incompetent morons. It’s even a theme tonight.

The Clowns get on the show because they’re famous (to a niche group of fans of course but when has that ever stopped WCW?) and WCW sends out its talented guys to baby sit them. The First Family gets to beat Malenko and Douglas completely clean because well why not. Then Rick Steiner gets to keep his title because they haven’t buried that thing enough yet. Bagwell, who is a veteran at this point as he’s been in WCW for over eight years, doesn’t feel like losing so we have to watch Duggan be a disaster (and likely not get punished for no selling) and then see Bagwell do a run-in anyway, meaning he likely got a PPV pay day.

Then the Windhams still have jobs despite Barry not being in good enough shape to wrestle without a t-shirt on (which is too small and we can still see his huge gut). Then there’s this mess, which results in Benoit being pushed down the card and Sid getting the biggest push he ever had in WCW because they can’t get any worse than this right? I’m so glad Benoit and company would be gone soon because no one who works hard even at all deserves to go through this.

And just to top it off. Tony: “He earned win #80 here.” Again, make sure you emphasize that the Revolution is just not good enough in case someone thinks otherwise.

We recap Page vs. Goldberg, which is basically Goldberg destroying the Triad to give him something to do before the big showdown with Sid.

Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Tenay brings up the Halloween Havoc match from last year before admitting that it’s a completely different Page now. We get an old school weapons check….and the referee finds a chain. And a roll of coins! That right there is the only funny thing we’re going to see all night. Goldberg slugs Page to the floor and the stalling is already on. Back in and Page gets caught in a headlock before getting shoved into the corner a few times.

A shoulder sends Page back outside where he threatens to leave if the Goldberg chants don’t stop. They head into the crowd with Goldberg getting the better of it, as if you would expect anything else. Back in and the Diamond Cutter is countered into a powerslam. Page shoves the referee down and kicks Goldberg low before pulling out a third weapon to knock Goldberg silly. We hit the standard heel slowdown offense as Page hits him with the object again. Thankfully the referee wasn’t looking for no apparent reason.

Off to the chinlock as this torture continues. Goldberg Hulks Up but gets caught in a bad looking float over DDT for two. Page tries a spear but gets suplexed down for two as the Triad is here. Kanyon breaks something over the back of Goldberg’s head (drawing blood from the neck) and setting up a left armed Rock Bottom from Page for two more. Not that it matters as the spear and Jackhammer finish Page with ease.

Rating: D. One of the best matches of the night here despite being an exercise in how long can we stay in Memphis before Page comes back and pins Page. DDP was not working as a heel here with most of his heat coming from Yo Mama jokes and then bad matches following. Nothing to see here as the match was never once in doubt, especially with Sid looming (and still not selling anything as he waits).

We recap Hogan vs. Sting, which again is over trust or some nonsense like that involving the Hummer, because that thing just won’t die.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

Buffer says Sting has no affiliation. Hogan doesn’t really either does he? Before the bell, here’s Bret Hart (Buffer: “Only to pass on his offer of good luck for both men. He’s from the First Family of wrestling.” Please, no more First Family tonight. They’ve done enough.” Bret leaves without incident and I’m sure we won’t see him again. They shove each other around to start and exchange pokes in the chest. Hogan works on a wristlock before taking Sting down for something like an STF without the legs being tied together. Great. I have to put up with 15 minutes of Hulk Thesz tonight.

Hogan yells at some fans for some reason before driving knees to the ribs in the corner. You can see even more empty seats near the back of the arena and it’s hard to argue at this point. Sting actually hits the big jumping elbow drop for two and it’s off to the test of strength. Hogan kicks him in the ribs (called a knee by Tony) but Sting no sells a suplex. Oh no he’s been watching Sid tapes.

They fight to the floor with Hogan talking about it being for the World Title and choking with a cord. He’s definitely wrestling as Hollywood tonight. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two on Sting and we hit another chinlock. Off to an abdominal stretch as Hogan’s dominance continues. Right hands in the corner have Sting in even more trouble and we’re just waiting on the interference.

Sting gets two of his own off a cross body and hits two Stinger Splashes but misses the third. It’s already Hulk Up time and the big boot clearly doesn’t make contact. Cue DDP to nail the referee as the legdrop connects. A Diamond Cutter puts Hogan down and Sting is put on top but Hogan kicks out at two. That’s a Diamond Cutter for the referee and another Hulk Up.

Now Hart comes back in to take out Page but Sid comes out as well, only to take the big boot to the shoulder (which he sells more than all of Benoit’s offense combined because of course he does). Luger comes in but drops the bat he was carrying, allowing Sting to nail Hogan (drawing the pop of the night), setting up the Deathlock on the unconscious Hogan for the title.

Rating: D. You have to be a really, REALLY stupid company to turn Sting heel but they somehow did it. This wasn’t the worst main event ever, but they clearly didn’t have any way to make someone lose here so they went with the big mess instead. I can live with that and the match wasn’t completely horrible, but again, they’re trying to turn Sting heel and as anyone who has watched wrestling for more than 18 seconds can tell you, that is never going to work.

Luger and Sting celebrate as Heenan is thrilled with Hogan getting stabbed in the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. The level of failure this show hits is beyond words. They have somehow managed to do almost every possible thing wrong on a single show and somehow made it even worse. I’m thinking of the good things on this show and it’s a very short list: Kaz vs. Lane was match of the night by about ten miles, Page having weapons on him was a funny bit, and…..someone help me out here. What else was good on this show?

It takes a very special kind of show for me to get mad fifteen years after it aired when I already know the results. Somehow this show did it as it took me all day to make myself sit through this mess. WCW managing to stick around as long as they did is astounding to me as there is no reason to stick around after watching something like this.

This is being written six days after the 2015 Royal Rumble, which made a lot of people say WWE was a disaster. Whenever you get annoyed at WWE, go back and watch some late 1999 WCW and your perspective will change. WWE today is light years ahead of this as you can at least get more than one good match and there’s an actual story (albeit somewhat misguided) in the main event. This show consistently goes against every possible thing people could want to see and seems to encourage its veterans to screw up and destroy the future.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this is actually worse than Heroes of Wrestling, which aired about a month after this. Yeah Heroes of Wrestling is a disaster, but it’s a disaster in a way that you can laugh at it. This show on the other hand felt more cruel than anything else. It felt like they were trying to be as stupid and short sighted as they could while taking the fans’ money at the same time. WCW has officially hit rock bottom and things can only get better with Russo. I mean that literally. I cannon imagine things actually getting worse than this.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Looking at Reigns finding himself and playing a little game.

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review/33597/

Monday Nitro #204
Date: September 6, 1999
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 8,623
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s one of those rare weeks where WCW has given us the slightest glimmer of hope coming off this past week’s Thunder. They actually let Saturn escape with his life against Sid and the Revolution got to stand tall to end the show. We’re coming up on Fall Brawl this Sunday though, and that means it’s time to crush the hopes and dreams of fans so the main event talent can carry the day again. Let’s get to it.

Clips from last week.

Opening sequence.

With new music, here’s Bret Hart in his medium return to WCW. He thought it was a good idea to come down to Miami and show up back here after a lot of time off to think. After all that time, it occurs to him that he hasn’t accomplished his goal of making a difference here in WCW. This isn’t about titles, but he wants to face Hogan. Even if the title isn’t on the line, he can’t move forward with his career until he gets that one match. That’s quite the random challenge without much of a reason. Glad to see Bret is fitting right in.

Here are Riki Rachman and Kimberly for the first round of the Nitro Girl search. There are two finalists and the fans get to vote on WCW.com. Kimberly wraps it up by telling us how hard it is to be a Nitro Girl. I’m sure it is. The saving grace of this segment: Rachman to the crowd: “SAY OH YEAH!” Crowd: “NO!” When WCW’s fans reject you, get out while you can.

Lodi vs. Evan Karagias

Just a matter of killing times until the Clowns and Vampiro show up. Lenny offers an early distraction so Lodi can throw Evan outside. Back in and Evan hits a quick dropkick for two, followed by a Sky High for the same. The champ tries another distraction but this time gets send running back to the floor.

A powerslam and neckbreaker get two each on Lodi and Evan dives onto Lane before he can get on the apron again. They start brawling and it’s nice to see Lenny actually fight for a change and show a backbone. Lodi accidentally dives on his brother and here come the Clowns for a distraction, allowing Lodi to grab a quick DDT for the pin.

Rating: D. My goodness this company is falling fast. It’s nice to see the backbone of the company getting bigger stories, but we’re opening shows with a guy famous for carrying signs vs. the pretty boy of the week. How is this supposed to make me want to keep watching? A mostly dull and short match with Lodi winning isn’t exactly the most thrilling thing in the world.

DJ Ran y Las Chicas Nitro.

Here’s Hogan with something to say. Thankfully he keeps it short here, saying he has no idea why Savage and George were in his locker room or what Luger’s agenda is. He even clarifies that he has a black Hummer instead of the white one in the picture. I still can’t believe that was a plot point they had to address. Hogan can’t wait for his six man cage match with Sting and Goldberg against Page/Sid/Steiner. You would think that match would be mentioned earlier in the night but WCW wants to keep us guessing you see.

Barry Horowitz vs. Al Greene

If Sid doesn’t come out during this…….It’s a very bad sign when a match doesn’t seem good enough for a taped Thunder but that’s what we’ve got here. Feeling out process to start with Barry raking his eyes because if there’s anyone you can buy as a heel, it’s Barry Horowitz. An armdrag and dropkick put Greene down and Barry chokes him on the ropes. For another match that should have been announced earlier, Tony promises a battle royal with the final two men having a regular match for a World Title match next week.

Suddenly we have piano music playing and cut to a man with bleached blond hair playing the piano being lowered from the ceiling. That would be the Maestro, who we’ll get to know more in the future. As this is going on, Sid comes out and powerbombs both guys for the no contest. Tony declares him 77-0, despite that being his record at the start of Thunder. I would say this is a big rib, but I don’t think WCW has the intelligence to pull that off. However, I can give it to WCW to have Sid, Tony screwing up, a piano being lowered from the ceiling and the debut of a new guy in a Barry Horowitz (as a heel for some reason) match.

Sid promises to break Goldberg’s record. I think we’ve gotten the point by now.

The West Texas Rednecks are getting ready for the battle royal without Duncum, who will be out two to three months. The door swings open and there’s a cowboy silhouette, complete with tons of smoke. Instead of someone interesting, it’s Vincent, now dressed like a cowboy, offering the Rednecks his help. Since the Rednecks aren’t that bright, they take him up on his offer. Curt’s nickname for him: Curly Bill. Sure why not.

Here’s Harlem Heat with something to say. Gene asks them about their title match on Sunday and Booker says he’s here to turn this mother out. He knocks the microphone out of Gene’s hand and just takes it from him next time. As usual, Gene really doesn’t have a reason to be here. Stevie says they will be the nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time Tag Team Champions. Now Booker wants to burn this mother up but we’re out of time.

Luger and Sting go into a locker room to find Bret and Hogan. Sting wants to talk to Hogan, who agrees….and there go the lights. Sound effects ensue and we come back with Sting out cold. Luger and Hogan blame each other for doing it. Didn’t we see this same storyline with the roles reversed back in the early days of Nitro? As in with the same exact people?

There’s more to that battle royal than announced earlier. There are twelve people in the battle royal and the first four will be eliminated. The next six out will face each other in singles matches later tonight, and the final two will have another singles match with the winners facing each other for a title shot next week. Those first three singles matches don’t seem to be for anything other than a way to torment us. Thankfully WCW has a graphic for this because the idea of Tony or Bobby remembering this would have been a disaster.

Battle Royal

First Family, Revolution, West Texas Rednecks

Battlebowl 1996 might have had a better lineup than this. Somehow they can’t even promote a match like this properly as Hennig stays on the floor, making it an eleven man battle royal, in theory meaning the first three are officially eliminated. Everyone brawls to start with Saturn choking Barbarian before moving over to Barry. The First Family seems to have the most continuity as the Revolution is on the other end with everyone fighting for themselves.

Shane backdrops Knobbs out and Benoit dumps Bill. Barbarian goes up top like the lunkheaded savage he is and gets dropkicked out, leaving us with eight. Benoit and Saturn chop on Morrus in the corner as Hennig keeps walking around on the floor. Shane backdrops Kendall out but Kendall grabs Douglas from the floor and pulls him out as well. I’m assuming that’s a match later. Benoit throws Barry out and Saturn dumps Flynn, leaving us with Morrus, Saturn, Benoit and Malenko. Morrus gorilla presses Saturn out, only to walk into a double clothesline to give us Malenko vs. Benoit for the title shot later tonight.

Rating: D. Gah we’re in for a very, very long night with what could be a great match to cap it off. This was a really boring battle royal with a bunch of low level guys and the US Champion and pals in there to take over near the end. I’m not sure why I would want to see Kendall Windham vs. Shane Douglas, Jerry Flynn vs. Barry Windham or Hugh Morrus vs. Perry Saturn (ok that could be decent) but if WCW can waste our time with stuff like this, why not?

Ad for Cat-Bo, a parody of Tae-Bo. See, this is the kind of stuff that can actually be entertaining, though it only kind of accomplishes the goal. The problem here is that it’s only kind of funny and comes off more like a really badly made serious version of what they’re making fun of. I mean, it’s a bunch of out of shape people moving around and exercising with a professional athlete leading them. That’s not really funny and is pretty much exactly the point of Tae-Bo in the first place. In other words, WCW had something resembling an idea but managed to screw it up.

Johnny Swinger vs. Prince Iaukea

Is the main roster on vacation or something? Swinger hides in the ropes to start and takes a shoulder to put him down. Prince hammers away in the corner and backflips over Swinger into a rollup for two. My goodness why is this not a dark match? Johnny hammers away in the corner as Tony brags about the huge audiences watching the show. There’s actually something to that as Nitro was within very close striking distance of Raw for a few weeks around this time. Granted by next week they lost by two points but they were there at this point.

Swinger hammers away even more because he doesn’t know how to do much besides punch. The fans again want Sid but instead get Iaukea missing a dropkick before making his comeback. Cue Vampiro and the Clowns again with Violent J. tripping Swinger, allowing Vampiro to give him the Nail in the Coffin so Iaukea can get the easy pin.

Rating: F. I mean…..dang man. They really are pulling out all of the horrible ideas here to make sure no one wants to keep watching this show. Yeah they tried to push something here with the Clowns recruiting people, but who in their right mind would recruit Prince Iaukea? This is clearly another episode where they’re not trying and expect the fans to just suffer through whatever they’re given and stick around for the main event stuff, despite that plan not working in about a year and a half.

Earlier today, Buff Bagwell was signing autographs when Berlyn came up and spoke German. Bagwell doesn’t take kindly to someone speaking anything other than AMERICAN and goes after him to no avail.

Berlyn video.

Steve Regal vs. Buff Bagwell

Buff starts a USA chant to keep up his xenophobic run. Feeling out process to start as they trade arm control with Regal clearly not going at full speed. A backdrop and clothesline put Regal on the floor, allowing Buff to do some high quality posing. Back in and Buff wins a slugout until Regal drives a knee into the ribs. Dave Taylor loads up the flag shot despite his buddy being in control, only to hit Regal by mistake, which sets up the Blockbuster for the fast pin. So our American hero got beaten up for most of the match and won due to some failed cheating. USA indeed.

Post match Buff grabs the mic and says he loves Miami because it’s part of America. This Sunday, Berlyn will be fighting all of the USA. This would be somewhere around Booking 101.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis/Blitzkrieg vs. Kidman/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Eddie Guerrero

It’s a huge brawl to start as this is already moving fast. Juvy and Eddie are left alone in the ring with Eddie taking a powerbomb before it’s off to Psychosis to start some triple teaming. Psychosis crotches Eddie on top and just lets him drop down. That’s a different method of operation instead of like, doing something interesting. Psychosis hits a top rope spinwheel kick (not a plancha Tony) and another triple stomp ensues.

Eddie finally gets a break by grabbing Psychosis’ hands and climbing the ropes into a headscissors takeover to Juvy while wristdragging Psychosis. Guerrero could hit that move like no one I’ve ever seen. He tags both partners and everything breaks down Kidman dropping a guillotine legdrop on Blitzkrieg but it’s off to Juvy for a bulldog out of the corner. He catches Kidman on his shoulders, allowing Psychosis to come in off the top with a missile dropkick for a big crash.

Off to Blitzkrieg for his overly flippy elbow drop before it’s already back to Juvy. Kidman nails the BK Bomb but here are the freaking Clowns again. Everything breaks down again and Juvy pulls Chavo to the floor, only to have Blitzkrieg hit his partner with a dive by mistake. Back inside, Psychosis can’t powerbomb Kidman (he’s no Lenny Lane), setting up the Frog Splash for the pin.

Rating: C. Either do something with the Clowns or stop having them come out so many times a show. They just stand there and then try to recruit some low level cruiserweight to set up whatever big recruitment story they have which isn’t going to make the Clowns any better in the ring. Or interesting for that matter.

Shane Douglas vs. Kendall Windham

Please make it quick. Shane asks the fans if they want a revolution. Kendall doesn’t seem to want one as he elbows Shane in the face, only to eat a gordbuster. The necksnap gets two and they head to the floor with Windham taking over. Shane is sent into the barricade and steps before taking him back inside for a legdrop for two. Kendall takes a quick atomic drop and Shane weakly punches him in the corner.

Here’s Curt Hennig to nail Shane in the back as we cut to a split screen to show the Revolution in the back. They don’t bother coming out or anything, so Harlem Heat comes out and jumps Hennig. Stevie completely misses a slap jack shot to Kendall, setting up Shane’s Pittsburgh Plunge for the pin, even though all four shoulders were down.

Rating: F. It was boring, it was sloppy, it had three people running in and there was no reason for these two to be fighting other than they were both in a battle royal earlier in the night. I’m not sure what the idea was behind the battle royal setting up matches but it feels like they have no idea what else to do.

WCW is giving away a million dollars next week. Given how much money they’ve given away over the years with bad booking, that might be a financial improvement.

Jerry Flynn vs. Barry Windham

Flynn takes him into the corner for a bunch of kicks and punches as he’s doubled his offensive repertoire. More kicks and chops have Barry looking annoyed so he rakes Jerry’s eyes across the top rope. Jerry kicks him even more until Jimmy Hart trips Barry, causing Curly Billy to go after Hart. The distraction sends Jerry after Bill, who blasts him in the head with a title belt. Barry hits a quick DDT for the pin. Thank goodness this wasn’t three minutes long as I don’t think I could come up with a low enough rating.

Clips of Berlyn debuting last week.

Gene brings out Berlyn and gets frisked by one of the security guards. Berlyn’s Lana says every stupid cliché you could imagine about how great Germany is and promises to show America that Germany is just better. Thankfully they kept this short.

Nitro Girls.

Hugh Morrus vs. Perry Saturn

This has to be better right? Morrus hammers away to start and counters a sunset flip, only to miss his sitdown splash. Saturn sends him out to the floor for a breather before punching Morrus instead of accepting a test of strength. Somehow this is already more interesting than what we’ve seen so far tonight.

Back up and Morrus stomps and chokes in the corner but gets pushed into the buckle and punched even more. Even more forearms and punches have Saturn in trouble but he kicks back from the mat. That’s it for his offense for now though as a clothesline sets up a chinlock. This match is dying.

Back up and Saturn hammers away, only to have Morrus bite his face. A gorilla press sets up a top rope splash but Saturn rolls away. Some suplexes have Morrus reeling but Jimmy Hart breaks up a Death Valley Driver attempt. The distraction lets Morrus nail Saturn in the back, only to have him miss No Laughing Matter. The Rings of Saturn finally end this.

Rating: D-. Just end this show already I beg of you. This was by far the best match of the three battle royal fallout matches so far and it’s only because Morrus is the least horrible of the heels involved. What does this prove? That Morrus can beat up Saturn for ten minutes until Saturn hits a quick move for the win? It didn’t work for Randy Savage back in 1995 and it doesn’t make me want to see Saturn fight for the TV Title on Sunday.

Road Report.

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Non-title but the winner gets a World Title shot next week. They shake hands hard to start before Benoit takes him down to the mat. Dean does the exact same thing before nailing a shoulder to get us to a standoff. A test of strength goes to Malenko but Benoit monkey flips him for two, setting off a sweet pinfall reversal sequence for several near falls each. Benoit is sent to the apron but gets pulled back inside almost immediately.

Things start getting more intense as Benoit chops away and sends Dean into the buckle. It turns into a slugout with Benoit getting the better of it before we hit a quick chinlock. Thankfully that goes nowhere and they fight over a tombstone with Chris planting Malenko…..as Sid comes out. Benoit misses the Swan Dive, drawing in Sid to powerbomb Malenko and talk trash, giving us a no contest, which should have been a DQ win for Benoit but WCW doesn’t understand how wrestling works. So yes, the ENTIRE BATTLE ROYAL and all those boring matches mean NOTHING.

Rating: D+. I should have known. I mean I really should have known. You knew WCW wasn’t going to give Benoit or Malenko a crack at the top spot in the company because that would be elevating one of these guys, when it’s clear they only exist to make people like Sid look good. The match was getting good until the end, which crippled it more than jumping off the top rope did for Sid.

Video on Hogan vs. Sting.

Video on Page vs. Goldberg.

The cage is lowered, complete with a top on it.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan/Sting vs. Sid Vicious/Rick Steiner/Diamond Dallas Page

Steiner still doesn’t have the TV Title with him, though to be fair, Hogan doesn’t have his belt either. Hogan comes out first and the fight starts 3-1 with the World Champ in trouble. Goldberg is nice enough to go through his full entrance as his partner gets triple teamed. Apparently Bigelow and Kanyon aren’t pleased with Goldberg’s laziness and jump him outside the cage as we’re waiting on Sting. Bigelow and Kanyon show their stupidity by throwing Goldberg inside the cage and he immediately starts his comeback. He fights out of a Diamond Cutter attempt and powerslams Page before clotheslining the other two down.

Hogan gets back up and the villains are beaten up even worse. The trio starts fighting back as Sting and Luger come out with Lex telling Sting not to go in. Sting doesn’t listen to Luger (would you?) and comes in to clean house again, sending Sid and Steiner running away and leaving Page to get big booted and legdropped for the pin. The ending was odd as Hogan seemed to get up at two and a half while Goldberg and Sting just stood there with nothing to do.

Rating: D-. And now I’m supposed to pay for Goldberg vs. Page this Sunday? He’s become the main event whipping boy in the last few weeks, but at least it’s better than having the young guys doing these jobs. Not that they would ever be allowed near Hogan, Goldberg and Sting of course. This was another massacre with Hogan and Goldberg barely breaking a sweat before Sting came down to take away any possible threat. The main event heels are looking so worthless right now that having any two parts of the holy trinity fighting each other is the only real option they have.

Luger gets in the ring and right into Sting’s face, saying Hogan can’t be trusted. Sting and Luger start fighting as the show goes off the air.

Overall Rating: F-. There have been books written about what killed WCW. You’ll hear reasons ranging from the AOL-Time Warner merger to guaranteed contracts to a lack of elevating new stars. I however offer a new theory: their shows SUCKED. Look at what they presented here tonight and tell me how they were trying to put out a good product. I for one don’t really need to see Jerry Flynn and Kendall Windham working twice in a night but that’s just me.

What on here would make me want to come back? Is it the boring to horrible matches? Maybe the young guys getting crushed? Or is it the Clowns coming out three times a show? It could be sitting through three terrible matches and one passable one to find out that the entire concept was just there for Sid to beat up more young, talented guys. This show drew a 4.1 rating compared to Raw’s 4.4. Next week’s ratings: 6.0 for Raw compared to a 3.3 for Nitro. This show didn’t make people stick around and how can you blame them? Total disaster here and it was clear they weren’t even trying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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No I didn’t make this.  Source.

Monday Nitro #203
Date: August 30, 2015
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 10,605
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re two weeks away from Fall Brawl and I don’t think we’ve had any matches announced yet. What we do have though is Sid Vicious as the focal point of the company and Sting, Hogan and Goldberg suddenly as best friends against the combination of Sid and Rick Steiner. I keep thinking this show can’t get worse but they keep surprising me. Let’s get to it.

Disorderly Conduct vs. Dave Taylor/Steven Regal

Yes we’re starting with a match and just bring in Sid already. Mike jumps Regal to start but gets taken down by a drop toehold. It’s off to Taylor vs. Tom with Dave hooking a butterfly suplex….and here he comes.

Four powerbombs to Mike and Tom later and Sid is still ranting about being the Millennium Man.

Lenny and Lodi aren’t allowed in the building until Lenny reminds security that he’s the Cruiserweight Champion. It’s not funny or interesting when you watch it either.

Recap of last week’s major events.

Nitro Girls.

Time for a Sid discussion as Tony compares his streak to Goldberg’s. Goldberg won the US Title in his 75^th match, even though Sid is now up in the 80s. Thankfully that means they won’t be stupid enough to have him beat Benoit for the title or anything like that……right?

The Demon will be here later.

Here’s Luger to say he doesn’t buy Hogan’s turn around. Tonight he’ll show irrefutable evidence that Hogan is lying.

Berlyn arrives with security and his version of Lana.

Video on KISS and the Demon.

Scotty Riggs vs. Lash LeRoux

Riggs takes him up to the ropes and smacks Lash in the face as the mind warped fans want Sid. Scotty nails that great dropkick but gets monkey flipped over for his efforts. A jawbreaker and running knee keep Lash in trouble as it’s clear to see why neither of these guys went anywhere. Lash gets two off a sunset flip but takes a pair of clotheslines. Cue Vampiro and the Clowns to watch as Lash gets two more off a northern lights suplex, only to eat a Fameasser for the pin.

Rating: D-. So they interrupt Regal and Taylor after about two minutes but this match gets twice that long? Neither of these guys give me any reason to keep watching, which is exactly why they’re on in the unopposed hour designed to make people stick around when Raw comes on. WCW really needed some major roster cuts around this time to get rid of a bunch of these guys.

Vampiro says Riggs owes him something.

Here’s the Revolution, now with their own shirts. After a lame attempt to get the crowd to care from Shane, Saturn issues a challenge for the TV Title at Fall Brawl and Benoit issues an open challenge for the same show. I really don’t see this ending well for either guy.

Nitro Girls.

Kaz Hayashi vs. Lodi

Lenny’s Cruiserweight Title now has a bow and tassels. He also seems to have a thing for Kaz, which Lodi is totally cool with. Lodi accidentally clotheslines Lenny to the floor, allowing Kaz to botch a headscissors. A slingshot DDT looks far better and gets two with Lenny putting the foot on the ropes. With the match starting to go well, we get a split screen countdown clock for the Mayhem video game, which comes out in October. This will stay up for about half the match.

That earns him a big dive from Hayashi but Lodi gets up and dives onto both of them. Could this be, dare I say, a sign of things to come for Lodi? Back in and Lodi powerslams him for two but Kaz escapes a German suplex and scores with a quick brainbuster. Kaz goes up but Lenny crotches him down, setting up a middle rope bulldog for two more. Lenny comes in…..and gets small packaged for the pin? Sure why not.

Rating: C. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: they managed to job the Cruiserweight Champion in a match he wasn’t even in? Even WWE can’t pull off that kind of nonsense. The match was actually entertaining with Lodi more than keeping up with the high flier Hayashi. It would seem that Kaz is going to challenge for the title next. That’s fine based on his skills, but this is a pretty big downgrade from Kidman, Mysterio, Guerrera and Guerrero.

Lenny and Lodi lay Kaz out post match.

Here’s Hogan to a massive New York reaction. I’ll give the old WWF towns this: they’re the most loyal fans in the world. If you’re ever over there, you will be until the end of time. It was his son that made him believe in the power of Hulkamania again brother and he would NEVER stab Sting in the back. He can’t wait to see this proof from Luger, so he’ll be sitting in the back, eating fruit (his words) and waiting. Luger better not try to frame him either.

Hogan and Flair have new home videos. I only mention this because a piano starts playing, distracts them, and then stops abruptly.

La Parka/Blitzkrieg vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Eddie Guerrero

Eddie’s stoic look during Rey’s high energy entrance makes me chuckle. La Parka’s skeleton is red and he starts with Mysterio. First up though, it’s time to dance. Rey slaps La Parka in the face and sends him to the floor, bringing in Eddie to throw his partner to the floor for a tornado DDT. Blitzkrieg takes Eddie down and hits a rolling senton followed by a moonsault for two, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the same. Back to Mysterio for a Lionsault on Blitzkrieg before he pulls La Parka down by the mask. A chop puts Rey down and a Hart Attack with Blitzkrieg kicking Rey instead of clotheslining him gets two.

Vampiro and the Clowns come out again as heel miscommunication allows the hot tag to Eddie. Everything breaks down and Eddie hits a gorgeous top rope hurricanrana to Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg misses a handspring into a moonsault and gets caught on the top, allowing Eddie to launch Rey into another hurricanrana. Eddie tosses Rey over the top onto La Parka, setting up the Frog Splash to Blitzkrieg for the pin.

Rating: B. Really, really fun tag match here which somehow didn’t even make it four minutes. This continues the trend of letting talented high fliers get into the ring and jump around for a little while. That hurricanrana from Eddie was absolutely perfect and some of the high flying looked great. And somehow it’s all designed to get the Clowns over, because WCW.

Berlyn video, followed by Berlyn and his Lana (Uta Ludendorf), flanked by security. Through the interpreter, Berlyn brags about Germany being awesome and says his wrestling is art. Fan: “WE WANT ALEX WRIGHT!” It’s so loud that everyone in the ring looks over at him. A consortium of German businessmen have turned him into the perfect wrestler and his first victim is Buff Bagwell.

Buff represents everything bad about America and will be a good first victory. The interpreter acknowledges that Berlyn speaks English and has indeed been here before, but that language is beneath him. She forgets her line and says losing is…….it is not acceptable! She’s no Lana.

Fall Brawl video, featuring Savage, Nash, Hart and Steiner.

A banged up Luger comes out and says someone in red and yellow attacked him and went through his bags. No word on if the evidence was taken, or why Lex Luger is in a major storyline in 1999.

Tag Team Titles: Kendall Windham/Barry Windham vs. Prince Iaukea/Kenny Kaos

This would be the WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY THINKING AND WHERE IS THE REMOTE match of the week. Kendall takes Prince up to the ropes as Tony describes the champs as a new duo. That’s up there with Gorilla Monsoon calling Carlos Colon a youngster. Iaukea fires off a quick dropkick but eats a boot to the face. A jumping DDT knocks Prince silly and Kendall throws him outside. Back in and a knee drop retains the titles. No one ever made a tag.

Post match Barry says the champs have no competition, including Harlem Heat. This brings out Booker and Stevie for a lot of kicks, one leading to the referee counting a pin on Kendall. The Rednecks come out and beat down Harlem Heat, including hog tying Booker. The feud continues for some reason.

Here are Luger and Sting to present Lex’s evidence. The evidence is a picture of Hogan standing next to a white Hummer, proving that he was the one that tried to kill Nash. We’re still on that story??? Hogan comes out and says the obvious, that this doesn’t prove anything. Sting believes Luger and questions Hogan, but here’s DDP to nail Hogan before running off. Sting asks Hogan why he should believe him.

Nitro Girls.

Van Hammer vs. Buff Bagwell

The bell rings and that means it’s time to pose. Buff grabs an armdrag and we’ve got Germans. The distraction lets Hammer choke Bagwell (to be fair though, anything shiny, including Berlyn’s head, is going to distract him) but Buff scores with a hiptoss and clothesline. Buff goes up top and gets slammed down from the top by the neck. That’s quite the painful looking move. They head outside for a quick beating from Hammer before we hit the chinlock. Our hero hits Hammer low and gets two off a cross body, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D. So let me make sure I have this straight: we’re supposed to care about a guy who used a Blockbuster to win a boxing match beating a guy who used to be a peace loving hippie to set up for his match against what might be a Neo Nazi and used to be a dancer. This is one of those stories that you don’t want to see, and then when you explain it, your head starts to hurt.

Clip of Nash being crushed by the Hummer, nearly three months ago.

Insane Clown Posse CD ad.

Mike Enos vs. Evan Karagias

For some reason Evan wears jeans to the ring and takes them off to wrestle. Evan scores with a pair of dropkicks to start and a third sends Enos to the floor where Karagias hits a fourth dropkick. His springboard dive is caught in midair though and Mike throws him over the shoulder to walk him up the steps and back into the ring. That kind of power display is always impressive. Granted it’s not as impressive as knowing how many seconds there are until Mayhem comes out.

The fans are begging Sid to come out and end this match. Well Enos was in the match when Hall jumped the railing to debut so why not have Sid do it here? Evan hammers away and gets countered into a big powerbomb followed by a powerslam. Mike picks him up off the cover though and hits a wicked piledriver. Good grief Vampiro and the Clowns are back. The Clowns distract the referee, allowing Vampiro to kick Mike in the head, giving Karagias the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t even that bad but my goodness I don’t want to see Vampiro and the Clowns any more. They’ve been out here three times now and we had to see them plug their CD. At the end of the day, they’re not wrestlers and they’re not driving the ratings through the roof, so why does WCW insist on driving them down our throats and give them all this TV time?

Vampiro gets in his face and says Evan owes him. Cue the Demon, who says this isn’t the time for Vampiro. Do they even know what this is supposed to mean?

Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs vs. Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas

Because this feud needs to keep going. Knobbs calls the Revolution a bunch of crybabies and you know it’s time for a fight. The First Family takes over and give Douglas the Pit Stop. Morrus and Knobbs hit running splashes in the corner until Dean comes in, presumably out of boredom. Everything breaks down and Malenko puts Brian in the Cloverleaf, only to have to deal with Jimmy Hart. Morrus and Knobbs take Dean down on the floor but Hugh misses No Laughing Matter to Douglas. Shane even dives off the top to take out all the heels but it winds up being a double countout.

Rating: D. WHY IS THE REVOLUTION FEUDING WITH THE FIRST FREAKING FAMILY??? You have the Windhams as the Tag Team Champions (which is an even bigger headscratcher) talking about how they have no competition, but Malenko and Douglas, one of the only face teams on the roster not names Harlem Heat, is busy going to double countouts with Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus. We could also have Mysterio and Guerrero challenge for the titles, but they’re busy fighting a pair of non-wrestler Clowns. The more I step back and look at this company, the more my head throbs.

They keep fighting to the back and I hope this doesn’t go on to Fall Brawl.

Gene brings out Hogan to continue this thrilling story about him standing next to a car at some point in his life. He mentions his son (who should never be allowed near a car) and promises to deal with Luger next week. Instead, he wants to deal with DDP calling him out every week. He’s right you know. Starting with this show, Page has…..actually he didn’t call him out as much as hit him from behind. Hogan is a liar. Anyway, Goldberg is supposed to face Page tonight but Hogan wants to take his place in the match. Goldberg comes out and suggests a handicap match, which Page comes out to accept. Another bait and switch.

TV Title: Disco Inferno vs. Rick Steiner

Before the match, Disco says he’s living la vida loca and is pretty fly for a white guy. Dang 1999 was a weird time. Rick comes out and decks Disco with a Steiner Line before ripping at his face. The German suplex sends Disco flying and the Steiner Bulldog ends this in a hurry.

Steiner puts on the armbar but Saturn runs out to superkick the champ to the floor.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Jerry Flynn

Jerry wants the champ to be checked for weapons but it’s a RUSE as he kicks Benoit in the head. Another kick is countered by the dragon screw leg whip because Benoit doesn’t put up with cheating. He drops Flynn over the top rope to send him outside, setting up a nice baseball slide. Jimmy Hart offers a distraction to keep earning his paycheck and Flynn kicks the champ’s knee to take over. He unleashes the kicks but Benoit avoids a big running boot in the corner and fires off chops. Benoit rolls some Germans but the First Family runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. So the Revolution vs. the First Family is more than just the tag feud? Great, the stupidity is spreading. Here’s the thing: you have three members of the First Family in action tonight and they all escape without getting pinned or submitting? Including to the United States Champion? How does this make me care about seeing them again? Am I supposed to care about Hugh Morrus, Brian Knobbs and Jerry Flynn? This company’s priorities are so screwed up.

The Revolution makes the save and Benoit challenges Sid for Fall Brawl. So much for the open challenge.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan vs. Jersey Triad

Buffer does the intros and Kanyon does his usual schtick. Bigelow hammers Hogan down to start, like 1987 means nothing to him. Hulk comes back with right hands and the Triad is knocked to the floor. The fans want and get Goldberg, who gets to suplex Kanyon. A gorilla press into a World’s Strongest Slam crushes Kanyon again but a Bigelow distraction lets Page come in with a top rope clothesline.

Bigelow pounds away on his back as the Triad starts taking turns. Kanyon’s Russian legsweep into an elbow from Page is good for two, but Goldberg comes back with a double clothesline. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house as Tony acts like this has never been done before. Hogan boots and legdrops Bigelow for the pin as Page hits Goldberg with a chair and a Diamond Cutter. Goldberg pops up and Page is terrified.

Rating: D. Here’s the problem with this match: did it ever feel like Hogan or Goldberg couldn’t beat these three on their own? This was just a workout for Goldberg and Hogan before they can get on to something more important. It really shows the gap between the levels of competition as the main event scene is miles ahead of even former World Champions like Page. This was a glorified squash with Goldberg being nice enough to sell for about a minute.

We jump to the back where Sting is asking security if Hogan is in his locker room. My goodness I know Sting is seen as stupid at times but this is ridiculous. Anyway he goes into Hogan’s locker room to find Randy Savage and Gorgeous George to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. More than any other episode, this show was incredibly frustrating and showed that WCW doesn’t care about going forward as much as it cares about keeping the old guys happy. There are so many talented people locked in feuds designed to either keep them busy so they can’t move up the card (Revolution) or so they can babysit niche celebrities who want to wrestle (Eddie and Rey).

On the other side of the card, there’s the story of who was driving the Hummer and is Hogan really evil. That actually isn’t the worst story in the world and I’m kind of interested in seeing where it goes. The problem I have with it is how Lex Luger is the only person showing the slightest bit of common sense or continuity. Hogan has screwed over every major name on the roster at some point (the Fingerpoke of Doom and beatdown of Goldberg was less than eight months ago) and no one but Luger is questioning Hogan whatsoever. That’s hard to accept, at least so quickly.

Overall, the company is running out of gas and is dying for some fresh blood at the top. However, they’re content with Hogan, Goldberg (who is fresh enough), Sting, Steiner and Sid as their top names while the rest of the roster is shackled to whatever stupid stories they can come up with. It’s very clear that Benoit is going to drop the US Title to Sid, because Benoit’s push was clearly just until WCW could find a way to get the title back into the main event talent’s hands so they could “draw” with it. You can see the future coming from here and it’s terrifying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 19, 2015
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Booker T., Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is a special episode as it’s not only the go home show for the Royal Rumble but also the Raw Reunion with some big names being brought back in for an appearance. Those are almost always at least somewhat interesting, though there are other times where the legends are just there without doing anything special. Let’s get to it.

We open with a tribute to Martin Luther King, which WWE airs in some form every year.

Opening sequence.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar to get things going. Brock cuts off Heyman’s intro and says he’s here to fight Seth Rollins. He gives Rollins ten seconds and the crowd is nice enough to count it down for him. Instead, here’s HHH to address the champ. He understands that Brock is upset about getting Curb Stomped into the ground. However, wouldn’t Brock have done that if he had the chance?

After all, he suplexed Rollins first, so maybe Seth’s actions are understandable. Maybe we should just go to the back and get Brock a steak while he and Heyman talk about things. Brock isn’t pleased and asks if HHH is here to fix this or fight. Heyman loses his mind but here are Stephanie with Big Show and Kane to intervene. Lesnar and the Authority have a standoff but Rollins pops up on screen (prompting Heyman to grab his own head and shout OH NO).

He’ll be getting his shot at Lesnar soon enough, right before he takes Brock’s title. Heyman says let the adults talk about things and wants the Authority to put a leash on their puppy. If they don’t fix things, the roster is going to be destroyed and Lesnar is walking out Sunday with the champion. Cue Cena (now in a blue shirt and hat) to say that they’re going to beat each other up on Sunday. However, he’s here to talk to the Authority.

They offered him a spot on the team a few months back but he politely declined. Every week, the Authority tries to make him quit, but he wants them to keep it up. Every single thing they say and do lights a new fire him that he’s taking to the Rumble this Sunday to get the title back. The Authority used their power and politics to get three people fired, so he’s going to enjoy sticking it to them this Sunday.

Stephanie cuts off his exit and says Cena reached a turning point when he brought back the Authority. Now he’s a loser and a liar and no one wants to cheer that. Rollins says Cena will fail again on Sunday because Cena’s time is up. He should just duck out of the match on Sunday and walk off with whatever dignity he has left.

Cena of course mocks Rollins for saying “tuck his legs between his legs” before saying everyone will respect him after Sunday. Cena offers to sweeten the pot: if he wins the title Sunday, Ryback, Rowan and Ziggler get their jobs back. HHH seems intrigued but wants one more stipulation: Cena has to have a match tonight and if he wins, all three of them get their jobs back. If he loses though, they stay fired and he’s out of the triple threat. We’re still not done though because HHH wants to make it an App poll.

How to download the App.

This opening segment was ridiculous. First of all, you bring out Stephanie as the mediator? Of course, because Stephanie is the greatest thing in the history of ever and her mere presence can soothe the savage beast. Then you have even more of Cena vs. the Authority because it worked with Austin vs. McMahon and……well it worked well enough with Austin vs. McMahon to mention it twice.

The stipulations are stupid and make sure you know Lesnar isn’t walking out, but it does leave the door open for a Rollins cash-in after the match. Thankfully they’ve changed it up so those guys can get their jobs back tonight, thereby making the last two weeks totally pointless. I’m so glad we saw the Authority make those three people mildly annoyed and inconvenienced instead of destroying their lives.

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt

Cole says it’s been nearly a year since Bryan wrestled on Raw. More like eight and a half months but close enough. Cole never has been very good at counting. Bryan starts fast by knocking Bray to the floor and hitting a huge dive….and here’s Kane, leading to a break less than two minutes into the match. Stephanie wants to talk? All the time in the world. Rematch of a Match of the Year candidate? Two minutes and we NEED a break.

Back with Bray missing a charge into the middle buckle but still being able to knock Bryan off the top rope. Bray puts on a nerve hold before hitting his flying body block to put Daniel down again. The announcers start speculating about Bryan’s potential Rumble spot and him not having the cardio to get through the whole match as Bray drops knees and goes to a chinlock. Back up and Bray hits a HARD clothesline, sending Daniel out to the floor, holding his neck.

We return from another break with Bray getting two off a backsplash. Bryan scores with a running clot, followed by the running dropkick in the corner. A top rope hurricanrana gets two and it’s time to unleash the kicks. Wyatt gets clotheslined to the floor and the Flying Goat takes him down again. Kane gets in a cheap shot on the way back in though, allowing Bray to send him into the buckle, followed by Sister Abigail for the pin at 16:13.

Rating: C+. The match was physical and violent…..at least what we saw of it was. You knew Kane was going to interfere and cost Bryan the win, but it doesn’t really matter as long as Daniel beats him on Smackdown. Bray winning is a nice moment for him and it’s cool that Bryan has a big name he’s never been able to beat. You could bring that up at a later date for a major match.

Kane chokeslams Bryan post match and hits some bad looking right hands.

HHH is on the phone when Scott Hall and Kevin Nash (in NWO shirts) come into his office. They mock him for wearing a suit and ask him to come out with them tonight. Shawn Michaels pops in and offers HHH a spot on the legends panel. HHH should drop the suit, bring back the three fired guys and make their lives miserable here. HHH: “I don’t tell you how to shoot defenseless animals.”

Nash wonders where X-Pac is and here’s Damien Mizdow in X-Pac attire. The real one comes in and they do the poses until Miz comes in to take Mizdow away. Nash: “What kind of show are you running?” You knew this was coming and it was fine. Mizdow’s history with DX wasn’t mentioned, even though it was the high point of his career back then.

We recap HHH putting the Cena match to a fan vote.

It’s time for the Royal Rumble Legends Panel with guests Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels. The first question is should Cena put his title shot on the line to get the three jobs back. Only Flair says no and only Hogan’s answer is more than one word long with “definitely yes.” Ric says winning the Rumble was still the greatest night of his career and defeating people like Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, Roddy Piper and Randy Savage made it even better.

Shawn is asked about winning back to back Rumbles and the famous shot of his foot dangling above the ground. He talks about the Rumble being the future and the winner’s future being Wrestlemania. Shawn says the two men next to him wouldn’t be where they are now without the Rumble and there wouldn’t be a Mr. Wrestlemania without the Royal Rumble. Hogan goes last and says he remembers the competition in the Rumble and dfeating super talent after super talent to win the matches. Thankfully he had Hulkamania in his corner to help him survive.

As for this year’s picks, Shawn goes with Bray Wyatt and Hogan isn’t pleased. Shawn gets annoyed and wants a rematch of Summerslam 2005. Hogan: “You don’t want any of that again do you?” Shawn: “Nah probably not.” Hogan picks Daniel Bryan and Flair goes with Ambrose, but here’s Big Show because where would we be without him. He says all three of them are jealous of him and brings up beating Hogan at Halloween Havoc 1995. Then he beat Flair for the World Title on Nitro a few months later. Then he showed up in the WWF and Shawn retired (not quite) because he knew Big Show would eat him alive.

Now the three of them are washed up has beens out here begging for a bit of attention. He’s going to win on Sunday and no one in the back can stop him. The fans are already looking up for Reigns. Show threatens to bea tthem all up so Flair takes his jacket off and starts throwing punches, only to take the KO Punch. Cue Reigns to check on the legends and clothesline Big Show out to the floor. Show comes up favoring his arm and bails.

The votes are in and Cena is going to put his title shot on the line to save the jobs by a vote of 85% to 15%. Cena says the most important part of the WWE is the WWE Universe and tonight he’s fighting for his friends.

Bad News Barrett vs. Dean Ambrose

Non-title. Dean takes him to the mat to start before running Barrett over with an elbow and clothesline. A power drive elbow gets two but Barrett comes back with a kick to the throat and another to the jaw. Ambrose comes back by knocking Barrett to the floor as we take a break. Of note here, the bottom line said that the series finale of Rivalries is airing tomorrow night on the Network. There have been six episodes and they’re already canceling it? It’s a good idea for a show and they can only come up with six shows, but they can have twenty Monday Night Wars shows? Really?

Back with Dean laid across the top rope and getting forearmed in the back for two. It’s already off to the chinlock until Dean fights up with a bulldog out of the corner. The standing elbow drop gets two but the knee gives out, meaning Dean can’t hit the running dropkick. He can however hit the rebounding clothesline and goes up top, only to get caught in the Wasteland. Dean fights out of that and Dirty Deeds pins Barrett at 8:16.

Rating: C-. There was no possible outcome here where the fans were going to be pleased. The champ loses but Dean gets a win back, even though his career was completely crippled or whatever shortsighted fans said after he lost the Wyatt feud. The match wasn’t anything to see but I really wonder what Barrett did to get this role as the champion that always loses. I know it’s a running joke, but no one has it as bad as Barrett.

It’s time for Rumble by the numbers.

30 men

782 entrants eliminated

2 feet must hit the floor

39 eliminations for Shawn Michaels, the all time record

38 eliminations for Kane, second place

15 years that Kane has eliminated someone

11 eliminations in 2001 to give Kane the record for a single matching

12 eliminations in 2014 for Roman Reigns to break the record

216,577 or 108 tons in the Rumble over the years

9 won in Rumble debut

43 Hall of Famers have competed

26 nations have been represented

1 time the Rumble has broadcasted on the Network

170 countries have the Network

170,822 people in attendance

3 Steve Austin victories

1 second that Santino Marella lasted to set the record

62:12 that Rey Mysterio lasted to set the record

3:51:32 that HHH has spent in the Rumble, the longest all time

2 winners from both #1 and #30

Here’s the New Day to say they’re always positive to keep the rage under control. They’re here to make sure everyone has a smile on their face and they’re doing it for the day. Woods is out with an ankle injury so it’s just a tag here.

Kofi Kingston/Big E. vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

Rose is on the floor as well because he feels forgotten by WWE, just like Kidd and Cesaro. Big E. throws Kidd into the air for a dropkick from Kofi, but Rose offers a distraction so Cesaro can sneak in an uppercut. A suplex/side slam combo (called a Blockbuster by Booker) gets two on Kofi and the Cesaro Swing into the dropkick gets the same with Big E. having to make a save. Cesaro picks Kofi up to drive him into the corner but Kofi kicks off of Kidd and rolls up Cesaro for the pin out of nowhere at 2:59. It’s nice to see them change the formula up for once instead of the same thing over and over. It keeps it a bit exciting.

Here’s the NWO (Hall, Nash and Waltman) for a chat. The fact that Hall is allowed on live TV is proof that DDP should be canonized. Nash says the NWO created the Monday Night Wars, which you can relive on the WWE Network. “You’re welcome Hunter.” They’re responsible for Austin, DX and the Attitude Era. Nash acknowledges they have egos, but you have to admit they created every single good thing ever. Waltman gets the mic but here’s Ascension to interrupt.

They see the NWO as three dogs ready to be put out of their misery, because Ascension was born and bred to rip and shred. No team from the past, present or future is better than they are, especially not one from WCW. The NWO is ready to fight but JBL won’t have any of this. He takes off the jacket and tie and says wearing spikes doesn’t make you a legend any more than painting yourself green makes you a frog. He was afraid this would happen, so he made a phone call. JBL takes off his shirt to reveal an APA shirt and here’s Ron Simmons.

Before anything happens though, here are the New Age Outlaws in Dallas Cowboys jerseys to interrupt. Dogg says an old school party doesn’t stop and the brawl is on with only the Outlaws getting physical. Billy hits a nice tilt-a-whirl slam and JBL starts stretching his arm. The Clothesline knocks Viktor silly and Waltman pulls off the NWO shirt to reveal the DX colors. This was every bit as fun as I thought it was going to be and was one of the better old school reunion segments. Also, anyone for JBL in the Hall of Fame?

The Authority announces Cena’s opponent for later tonight. Complete with a drum roll, it’s Cena vs. Seth Rollins, Big Show and Kane. A bugler comes up to play Taps.

Paige/Natalya vs. Summer Rae/Alicia Fox

The Bellas are on commentary and will be facing Paige/Natalya at the Rumble. A double suplex gets two on Summer but Natalya goes after Alicia, allowing Rae to spin kick her for two. Natalya gets over for the hot tag to Paige and things speed up with Alicia eating a superkick for two. Everything breaks down and another superkick sets up the PTO for the submission at 2:55. I’m glad they’re not doing the Nikki vs. Natalya title match as we’ve seen it so many times already that whatever appeal it had is long gone.

The Kickoff match this Sunday is New Day vs. Cesaro/Kidd/Rose in an elimination tag.

Rusev vs. R-Truth

Only Truth gets an entrance and he’s a step off on his rap. Truth says everyone is coming for Rusev on Sunday and that’s the whole truth. “Whomp there it is.” Truth quickly knocks him over the top but eats the jumping superkick. The Accolade makes him tap at 46 seconds.

Rollins and Lesnar meet up in the back and Brock suggests that Seth take Cena out tonight. Then Brock can take Rollins out on Sunday. Unlike last week, Rollins looks shaken.

Jey Uso vs. Miz

Gah do something else already. Miz spends too much time looking at Mizdow and gets rolled up for two. Some choking sets up the Reality Check for two and we hit the chinlock. The top rope ax handle drops Jey but he avoids a charge, sending Miz into the post. A superkick and the Superfly Splash are good for the pin on Miz at 2:56. I can’t imagine Miz and Mizdow are still together this time next week.

Hogan says it can only get better for Cena from here.

The New Age Outlaws vs. the Ascension has been added to Sunday.

John Cena vs. Kane/Big Show/Seth Rollins

One fall to a finish and it’s Cena vs. Big Show to start but John wants to go after Rollins. Show scores with a big chop and it’s off to Rollins to hammer Cena down. Rollins gets in some stomps in the corner but Cena’s bulldog sends him rolling out to the floor. Kane gets the top and sends Cena into Big Show’s boot before the bigger giant comes in for a corner splash. Cena’s slam attempt fails (of course it did this early on) and we take a break.

Back with Rollins putting Cena in a sleeper before a Blockbuster gets two. Rollins misses the top rope knee though and Cena scores with the shoulders. The ProtoBomb puts Rollins down again but the Stooges break up the AA attempt. Rollins blasts him with a low superkick for two but the AA connects, only to have Kane pulls Cena outside. Big Show adds a spear and the Authority is literally standing over Cena gloating. He dives in at nine though and gets chokeslammed for two. Rollins loads up the Curb Stomp…..and STING shows up on the screen. He walks into the arena and Cena rolls up Rollins for the pin at 13:08.

Rating: D+. Sting just showed up on Raw for the first time ever. I still need a minute. Ok I’m good now. I really liked this better than having the trio show up because there’s no reason for them to be there other than storyline, but Sting showing up is an awesome surprise. I’d keep going but we’re not done.

Cena goes into the crowd and HHH shouts that Sting doesn’t belong here. Cue Lesnar for right hands to Rollins, an F5 to Kane and an AA (yes an AA) to Big Show. Heyman holds up the title as Rollins runs away to end the show. Lesnar looked like and was received like a superhero here.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I’m going to catch flack for this but I really didn’t hate this show. They kept things moving fast enough that I was stunned when it was nearly 10pm. The reunion stuff was fine and they beefed up the card for Sunday. The lack of wrestling is by far the biggest thing holding this show back though and it was really telling when there had been one match an hour in. I know a lot of people wouldn’t like this one, but it was nice to see a show that didn’t drag for a change.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail

Dean Ambrose b. Bad News Barrett – Dirty Deeds

New Day b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Rollup to Cesaro

Natalya/Paige b. Alicia Fox/Summer Rae – PTO to Fox

Rusev b. R-Truth – Accolade

Jey Uso b. Miz – Superfly Splash

John Cena b. Kane/Big Show/Seth Rollins – Rollup to Rollins

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #202
Date: August 23, 1999
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 8,940
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s the KISS show! Yes indeed. After all this time, it’s the most hyped up event WCW has had in months. The band will be performing tonight and this is supposed to be the big weapon to fight back against the fallout from Summerslam 1999. Now to be fair we also have Sting vs. Hulk Hogan for the World Title, which is a major ratings draw. I’m sure that’s why they’re going it for free with one week’s notice instead of at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Sid’s path of destruction. He’s off to a good start too as he’s basically crushed the cruiserweight division in just a few weeks.

KISS video.

There will be a new WCW President announced soon.

Chase Tatum vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Mikey hammers away in the corner but gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Chase….well I can’t say hits because only one foot connected and it was nothing resembling a dropkick, so we’ll say Chase does a disservice to dropkicks everywhere. Thankfully Mikey hits a decent one….and Sid comes out for the powerbombs.

This time is different though as Sid has a guy with signs, counting up the wins on the streak. He winds up being 68-0 by the end of the segment. The worst part is this could be an interesting story but it’s freaking SID doing this stuff.

Kidman runs into Kimberly in the back and apologizes to her for last week’s issues. Kimberly says she’ll calm Page down.

Goldberg arrives and sees Page attacking Kidman, only to have a staredown with the Triad. I thought he was feuding with Sid.

Here’s the Triad for a chat. Page praises Kanyon for helping train him and says Kidman can’t breathe the same air as Kimberly. He wants Goldberg tonight though, because why bother hyping up a match like that? Page promises to blow the roof off of Goldberg. I’m not sure what that means but I have a feeling it’s going to be a letdown compared to Halloween Havoc from last year.

Sting comes out with something to say. He thanks Hogan for the title shot tonight because he’s back in black. Hasn’t he been in black for like three years now? Cue Lex Luger for the first time in months after that brief return in the spring or whenever it was. Luger talks about Sting being there for him when he was recovering from a motorcycle wreck and how Sting is the bedrock of WCW. Everyone is clapping that the red and yellow is back but Luger isn’t buying Hogan being friends with everyone again. Sting thinks Luger should understand this after 14 years: he’s taking Hogan on no matter what. A handshake ends this worthless return.

Tenay is in the parking lot when Bischoff pulls up in a Hummer. Mike asks if Bischoff is going to be the new President but Bischoff laughs him off and asks if Tenay got that rumor off the internet.

Cat vs. Buff Bagwell

Because this needed a rematch. Feeling out process to start with Buff slamming Cat down and dropkicking him to the floor. Back in and Miller kicks him down before hitting his dancing elbow. To really mix things up, Miller tries another dancing elbow bus misses this time. See, he’s versatile! A low blow puts Bagwell down again and throws him to the floor for some Sonny kicks. This brings out Lex Luger of all people to scare Onoo off, meaning we miss the Blockbuster to give Bagwell the pin. Why can’t Sid come out and powerbomb these guys for a change?

Berlyn is coming.

DJ Ran/Nitro Girls.

Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page

This is quite the first hour main event. Bigelow comes out with a trashcan and the Triad starts triple teaming Goldberg early on, only to have Kanyon get ripped in half by a spear. Bam Bam eats a spear as well, sending Page running off. Goldberg challenges him for next week and there’s no match.

Video for the new West Texas Rednecks song Good Old Boys. It’s Jeff Jarrett’s 1996 music with lyrics, which makes me wonder why they didn’t put Jarrett with the Rednecks when he showed up. If a guy from Minnesota can be from West Texas, why not a guy from Nashville?

Nitro Party video. Those are still a thing?

Cruiserweight Title: Lenny Lane vs. Juventud Guerrera

Lane won the belt last week on Thunder and crawls around on all fours to start, because he’s strange you see. Lenny goes behind him to start and thrusts his hips so Juvy kicks him low, because everything for this character has to be related to sex in some way. Some Lodi interference fails so Juvy dives onto him, only to get taken down by a very nice corkscrew dive from the champ. Back in and Lenny….plays with his pigtails and skips around before covering.

We get the idea already WCW. A pair of shoulder breakers and a powerslam get two for Lenny and it’s time for Lodi to get in some shots. The fans think Lenny is gay, which really is the only thing we know about him so what else are they supposed to chant? He plants Juvy with a running Liger Bomb and celebrates with his brother/lover, drawing a much more offensive chant from the fans. Back up and Juvy hits a quick Juvy Driver and loads up the 450, only to have to dive at Sid for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Stop it, please. I mean that on both counts if that’s not clear. Stop the ridiculous gay story with these two and stop having Sid destroy the cruiserweights because they’re nothing more than target practice. We get the idea, but does he have to beat up former and current champions? You can’t have him beat up jobbers or really low level guys instead? Of course not, because this is WCW where ONLY old heavyweights matter.

Sid is the man, powerbombs a go-go, 71-0, thousands of remotes change the channel.

Here are the Rednecks to perform Good Old Boys live. Hennig takes a few shots at KISS, because they’re trying to turn their stupid musical performances and guests into a story.

Nitro Girls.

Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn/Shane Douglas vs. Hugh Morrus/Barbarian/Brian Knobbs

Malenko dropkicks Morrus to start, followed by Shane coming in for a double back elbow. It’s quickly off to Barbarian, who charges into a boot in the corner and eats a middle rope clothesline. Since no one can stay in this match for more than thirty seconds, here are Knobbs and Malenko to keep the slow pace going.

We actually stick with Dean getting beaten up for a bit with everyone hitting some clubbing, yes CLUBBING I SAY, forearms to the back. Knobbs dives into a raised boot and the hot tag brings in Saturn. It’s a superkick and t-bone for Knobbs, but Rick Steiner comes in, walks RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE, and bulldogs Saturn to give Knobbs the pin.

Rating: D. So now Steiner is costing the Revolution a match against the First Family. As in the low level stable that should be cannon fodder for Goldberg. I know WCW’s answer is that they gave Benoit the US Title, but do they really need to give the Barbarian and Brian Knobbs a TV win over a team like the Revolution? Again, I’d pay so much to hear them validate this stuff.

Benoit runs out and challenges Steiner for later tonight.

Berlyn is still coming.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Shaggy hammers on Kidman to start but eats a dropkick to put him to the floor. A whip into the barricade keeps 2 Dope (I feel so stupid for having to type that) in trouble and it’s off to J. vs. Mysterio. Rey destroys him with ease and hits a quick Bronco Buster on Shaggy, only to get jumped by J. Shaggy gets two off a guillotine legdrop with Kidman making the save. J. heads outside and Rey tries a big flip dive, only to have J. be WAY out of position, leaving Rey to mostly crash. Vampiro breaks up the Shooting Star but Kidman sends Shaggy into Vampiro for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not bad for the most part here and thankfully they didn’t have the Clowns go over the former World Tag Team Champions. This was every major complaint I’ve had about the Clowns wrestling since they debuted and I don’t see it getting better any time soon. Thankfully they kept it short though, which is the best thing you can say about one of these matches.

Eddie comes out for the save.

Here’s Hogan for the big push towards his match with Sting. He doesn’t know why Luger doesn’t trust him and promises to never swerve his family, including Nitro Nick. This was a waste of time.

US Title: Rick Steiner vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending, likely because Steiner isn’t even carrying his belt. Well to be fair, it is worthless remember. Rick slugs him down to start but eats a German suplex to put him down. Serves him right for disgracing a title like that. Benoit dives right into another suplex though and Rick starts his choking/raking the face offense.

The champ (as in the guy who actually wears a belt) is sent ribs first into the buckle but gets his boots up in the corner, setting up some Rolling Germans. He heads up top but Steiner pulls him in the way of the Swan Dive, drawing in Saturn to go after Rick. This brings out Sid to lay out Saturn, because cruiserweights just aren’t enough for him anymore. Benoit chases them off and I guess the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. I’m happy whenever I get to see Steiner dropped on his head over and over as I keep hoping it might beat some sense into him. Thank goodness they didn’t make him a double champion here, which was an actual worry I had during this match. Oh and thank goodness Sid is now involved in I think a fourth story because we just weren’t getting enough of him.

Benoit challenges Sid and Steiner to a match against himself and Saturn for Thunder. Two things:

1. That match was already set up on Thunder.

2. That match will be going head to head with the debut of Smackdown, featuring HHH vs. the Rock for the WWF World Title. Therefore, yes, WCW does think that Sid and Steiner are big enough draws to compete with the WWF’s main event guys. I didn’t want to believe it but somehow, that seems to be the case.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Barry Windham/Kendall Windham

Stevie reiterates his hatred for fruit booties. Harlem Heat is defending and Booker cranks on Kendall’s arm to start. It’s quickly off to Stevie who gets taken into the Windham corner as Heenan seems to think Barry is Bobby Duncum Jr. Booker comes back in for some double team punching to Barry’s head. There is no energy to this match, likely because the Windhams are such heatless challengers.

Stevie clotheslines both rednecks and everything breaks down. The Windhams nail their stable mates by mistake and Booker ax kicks Kendall, followed by the missile dropkick. There’s no referee though Curt comes in with that stupid cowbell and knocks Booker silly to give Kendall the pin and the titles.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure if I hated the match or the booking more. The match was really dull stuff because Barry doesn’t care and Kendall is Kendall. That being said, who thinks this is a good idea? You reform Harlem Heat and have them drop the belts just a few weeks later, of course with Booker taking the pin because we can’t have Stevie get pinned right?

Vampiro vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony mentions an upcoming search for a new Nitro Girl which will give us a pretty well known blonde. Eddie gets hammered into the corner to start and thrown across the ring with a good looking release belly to belly suplex. Back up and Guerrero just explodes in the corner with chops and punches away. I’m still trying to figure out why these two are fighting. I know they’ve been fighting for weeks now but I have no idea why and commentary is busy hyping up whatever they can think of to talk about instead of talking about the match.

A spinning kick to the chest drops Eddie again but he comes back with a superplex. He loads up the Frog Splash but we’ve got Clowns. Insane ones at that, and Eddie is so annoyed at them being on the show that he slips off the top instead of diving at them. With J. offering a distraction, Vampiro sends Eddie head first into Shaggy for the pin.

Rating: D+. Can you blame Eddie for leaving soon? He comes back from a major car crash that put him out for months and gets to job to Vampiro for the sake of appeasing some niche celebrities like the Insane Clown Posse? The match wasn’t bad with Vampiro, as in the wrestler instead of the wrestling imitators, getting to show his skills, only to have a lame ending with Eddie going down thanks to Shaggy. Yeah, all those years and the classics with Mysterio but he gets to lose to a guy named after a Scooby-Doo character.

Kidman and Mysterio come out for the save.

Nitro Girls.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

Hogan is defending of course and this means KISS will be main eventing the show. They shake hands to start because these two have never had a single issue ever. Neither guy can get an advantage off a lockup but they shove each other away and start jawing with each other. Hulk (still called Hollywood by Tony) grabs a wristlock but Sting counters into one of his own. They’re mirroring each other very well so far.

A test of strength gives Hogan control but Sting small packages him for two. Sting fires off right hands in the corner but misses the big elbow that always misses. Both guys head outside for a brawl with Hogan being sent onto the announcers’ table. Sting is being way more aggressive here than usual, which would seem like plans for a heel turn. I can’t help but laugh at this, because turning Sting heel would be like trying to make fans boo the Easter Bunny.

They take it back inside and Sting gets two off a Vader Bomb. Somehow Hogan sells it more than he ever did when Vader himself did it back in 1995. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Hogan Hulks Up, only to miss the big leg. The Stinger Splash connects but a second hits boot. The third hits buckle and Hogan is ready to go, only to have Sid and Steiner come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. The worst part of all this is the match was actually getting good (well as good as these two can get in 1999) until the ending. It wasn’t like the match was over and they ran in to prevent the obvious. In theory this sets up a tag match next week, because we haven’t seen enough of those lately.

This brings up the problem at the moment: Goldberg is feuding with Sid (and apparently the Triad), Steiner is feuding with the Revolution and Hogan doesn’t have a big challenger. In theory it would be Sting challenging at the PPV, but that’s what we just saw here. The non-conclusive ending leaves an opening for a rematch, but I’ve never liked a TV match setting up a major pay per view rematch.

Goldberg and Luger come out for the save, because you need four former World Champions to deal with Sid and RICK STEINER. Hogan offers Sting one more title shot, likely at Fall Brawl.

It’s time for the real main event and Tony promises a brand new KISS inspired wrestler debuting before the end of the show. Schiavone is apparently a huge KISS fan and gets to do their introduction, right around the time that HHH is pinning Mankind to become WWF World Champion. They perform God of Thunder and a spiked coffin is brought out on stage. It opens up to reveal…..Brian Adams in KISS attire. I’ve heard this is the lowest drawing segment in Nitro history and the lowest overall rating for the show since a one hour episode in May 1998.

Overall Rating: D. More Sid, more offensive booking, more referees not needing to be there, more focus on celebrities and not wrestling, more hot shotting of big matches, more young guys getting beaten up by old guys that should be jobbers. In other words, it’s everything wrong with WCW rolled up into one show.

Good Old Boys is a really appropriate name for the entire show. It’s all about pushing the guys that used to be big names because screw anyone that wants to get a push around here. I mean, BARRY WINDHAM as a two time champion in 1999? There are a few interesting things here and there, but I have zero desire to sit through all these horrible things to get the glimmer of hope that WCW won’t destroy them all. I know the destruction is coming, but it’s nice to believe that there’s a chance something might get better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #201
Date: August 16, 1999
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 7,218
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Road Wild has come and gone and thank goodness for that. It was three hours of bad wrestling with nothing happening and a bunch of celebrities not making enough of a splash to validate taking the spots from the other guys. We’re heading towards Fall Brawl now and I can’t imagine that show being any worse than Road Wild. Somehow I have a feeling I’ll be surprised though. Let’s get to it.

Tony is immediately praising Hogan for his glorious win Saturday. He also throws in that Sid is now 55-0 since returning. I’m guessing the idea is parodying Goldberg’s streak going so high so fast, because why shouldn’t they mock something they came up with and got over so strong? Sid gets a World Title shot tonight.

Stills of Sid beating Sting at the PPV, leading into this match.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Lash LeRoux

They trade crowd reactions to start and I don’t think most of them know who LeRoux is. Feeling out process to start with Lash dropping down into the splits and nailing Juvy with a clothesline. As thrilling as this is, the announcers mention that we’re getting Rick Steiner vs. Brian Knobbs for the TV Title tonight. There are no words. Anyway Juvy loads up a hurricanrana but gets countered into a powerbomb which is countered into a pinfall reversal sequence. I won’t bother telling you who gets the last near fall as Sid comes in to chokeslam Juvy and powerbomb Lash twice.

Sid wants a double cheeseburger with onions. Or maybe Goldberg. You never can tell with his interviews.

Steve Regal vs. Scotty Riggs

Regal knocks him back with a European uppercut, Riggs knees him into the corner, Sid comes down for the usual power moves for the no contest.

Hogan vs. Nash video.

Mike Enos vs. Cat

Miller guarantees victory in less than four minutes. I see no computer or Terri to say that’s correct so I don’t buy this stat. Instead of running away to prove Cat wrong, Enos goes right after him with a clothesline and a very nice powerslam. Despite being a heel, he asks if the fans want to see him punch Miller in the face, allowing Cat to nail him in the throat. Now I know this might shock you, but Cat fires off a bunch of kicks and Enos comes back with a series of generic power moves, including a clothesline and press slam. Sonny offers a distraction and Miller hits a big kick for the pin at 3:39.

Rating: D. Sid run-in, Sid run-in, Cat match. That’s their big way to make us care after the mess at Road Wild. Also, no Bagwell for his revenge after Miller attacked him after their match on Saturday. I do however like Enos as a power guy who does a simple job but does it well. He isn’t going anywhere of course, but he’s a good choice for a match like this, which went about as high as it was going to.

Berlyn is coming.

We cut to the back where Sid is beating up Silver King and La Parka, including powerbombing La Parka onto a bag of popcorn.

Cruiserweight Title: Lenny vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Mysterio is defending for the first time in months. No contact for the first minute and Lenny keeps dancing at Mysterio to play some mind games. He offers Lodi a hug and the champion nails him with a forearm. A reverse powerbomb gets two for Lenny but Rey sends him to the floor and takes Lodi out, only to have Lenny go up for a big corkscrew dive. The fans are actually shocked as that might be the first time Lenny has ever hit a big move. They’re also stunned that Sid comes in AGAIN to lay out all three guys, giving Rey the DQ win.

Sting comes out for the save with Hogan limping behind him. The superheroes clean house and Hogan says Sting can have a title shot next week if he retains the title tonight.

Public Enemy vs. Insane Clown Posse

We’re officially in ECW. We have to be. No other major company could possibly think this is an acceptable idea to air on national television. Raven (in his last television appearance with WCW before walking out when Bischoff offered anyone a release) wants to know where his pyro is. The Clowns jump Public Enemy while they’re stacking tables but are easily knocked to the floor. It’s Shaggy in trouble first with Grunge elbowing him low before a double tag brings in J. and Rocco.

The Violent Clown elbows the Flyboy (I feel like an idiot typing that) before it’s back to Grunge. Raven grabs Johnny’s foot so J. can…..well Tony called it a clothesline but it looked more like Luger’s running forearm smash. Grunge comes back with a double clothesline and the hot tag brings in Rocco to really clean house. A top rope hurricanrana plants Shaggy and it’s table time. Of course Rocco overshoots the table and barely drives Shaggy through it, almost completely missing the bottom table. Not that it matters as the referee gets taken out, allowing Vampiro to Nail Grunge in his Coffin, giving J. the pin.

Rating: D-. Public Enemy isn’t the best team ever. I don’t think it’s a stretch to call them one of the least technically sound mainstream tag teams of all time. The key thing though is they’re actual wrestlers. They’ve been trained and have some experience, but still aren’t all that great. However, they make the Clowns look like the Steiner Brothers circa 1991 because the Clowns aren’t wrestlers. They’re as qualified to be wrestlers as 7 year olds pretending to be police are qualified to patrol the streets. At least the Filthy Animals could carry a match, but this was horrible.

DJ Ran is back. Joy.

Nitro Girls. A bit more actual joy.

Here’s Harlem Heat in street clothes for a chat. They’re back together after Stevie got tired of being with four “fruit booties who couldn’t get the job done.” An open challenge is issues and Booker promises to “turn this mutha out.” I really think this speaks for itself.

Berlyn is here in two weeks.

We get what’s left of the Black and White for the first time in a good while. Horace accepts the challenge for tonight, which actually makes sense for a change. Norton promises to take care of Stevie Ray. Adams says he and Vincent will challenge Harlem Heat tonight….and the team beats him down for no apparent reason, ripping the t-shirt off his back.

Okerlund brings out Kidman for a chat and calls him a chick magnet. Gene Okerlund should not know what a chick is. Kidman says that he, Konnan, Guerrero and Mysterio are a bunch of filthy animals that love to party and chase the chicks (it sounds better coming from him). In a TOTALLY spontaneous line that is in no way designed to set up the next match, Gene asks if Kidman has seen the Nitro Girls pay per view. Of course he has and Kimberly is his favorite Nitro Girl. Cue DDP to start spelling respect before he slaps Kidman in the face and plants him with a spinning Rock Bottom.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Kidman

A snapmare sends Kidman across the ring and Page slowly stomps away. An elbow drop with some shouts to the fans (the People if you will) gets two for Page but Kidman snaps off a headscissors. That’s the extent of his offense for now though as Page kicks the knee out to kill the crowd again. The helicopter bomb plants him again but Page pulls up at two. Tony forgets the name of the referee Page laid out at Road Wild and just trails off in the middle of his sentence. That might be better for all of us. Page loads up a fireman’s carry for the Diamond Cutter but Kidman spins out into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was an angle instead of a match but they still managed to be dull in the process. Kidman was treated like a guy way out of his league here, continuing this stupid idea that cruiserweights are nothing compared to the bigger guys. I’m assuming this leads to the Triad vs. the Animals, which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world. It’s not a good idea mind you but it could be worse.

Page Diamond Cuts both guys to negate the upset. Kimberly has to come out and call Page off.

Here’s the Disco Inferno to declare himself a superstar, a sex symbol and an icon. The Filthy Animals have been calling him every day because he’s the future of this company. Cue Benoit to say prove it.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Disco Inferno

Benoit immediately takes him down with a hard chop and the big belly to back suplex. A dropkick puts Disco down again and Benoit is on a roll. The Crossface sends Disco running to the floor and the fans are all fired up for the first time all night. Back in and Disco nails his swinging neckbreaker and clothesline, followed by the middle rope elbow and Russian legsweep.

They head outside with Benoit going into the steps, but Disco stops to dance. You can’t say he isn’t dedicated. He sends the champ into the barricade and gets in a bit more dancing. Back in and Benoit flips out of a belly to back suplex before planting him with a German suplex. Disco’s Last Dance is countered and the Three Amigos knock Disco sillier (but doesn’t mess with a bit of that hair). Benoit Swan Dives him to retain the title.

Rating: C+. As usual, when you give Disco the right opponent, he can pull off a pretty decent match. I was hoping for one of those jumping piledrivers to really make this close, but what else can you ask for from a five minute match on a show featuring celebrity clowns? It’s also nice to see Benoit survive his first title defense as this company wouldn’t shock me if they jobbed him out immediately.

Goldberg vs. Barry Windham

All of the Rednecks but Hennig are out with Barry. Goldberg beats up all of the seconds and pins Barry in thirty seconds with the usual. Well he’s back.

KISS is still coming. They’re seriously going through with it.

Horace/Vincent/Scott Norton vs. Harlem Heat

Non-title. Stevie throws Vincent around to start but botches a press slam, nearly dropping Vincent on his face. It’s off to Norton vs. Booker with Stevie staying in for a double back elbow. That’s it for Flash as he brings in Horace. You know, I remember about three years ago when Hall, Nash and Hogan were taking over the company and wrestling world. Somehow that’s evolved into this trio fighting in a dull tag match and getting beaten up 3-2. Booker drops Horace with kicks but goes after Vincent to give Horace a breather.

That’s enough of the talent though so it’s back to Stevie who kicks Horace in the face. Why overcomplicate the offense? The cheap excuses for the NWO get in some cheap shots from the apron, allowing Horace to take over with a DDT. A big shoulder sends Stevie down and the NWO starts taking turns. Norton loads up the powerbomb but here’s Brian Adams for the save. The referee, not even distracted, doesn’t do anything about the interference as Adams cleans house. In the melee, Booker missile dropkicks Horace to give Stevie the pin.

Rating: D+. So let me get this straight. Booker T. and Stevie Ray, perhaps the most successful WCW tag team of all time, freshly reunited and the new Tag Team Champions, needed help to beat Horace, Vincent and Norton? Also, we’re supposed to care about Brian Adams all of a sudden? At least this should lead to the end of the Black and White. They just need to be put out to pasture at this point anyway. By this point I mean a year and a half ago of course.

The camera follows Adams as he gets into a limo with a KISS license plate. It’s bad enough that they had to do these stupid celebrity appearances but now we have to give them stories?

TV Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Rick Steiner

Again I say let’s get this over with. It’s a brawl to start with Steiner dropping him with an early Steiner Line. They’re quickly to the choking before the brawl heads outside. Rick upgrades his choking with the dog collar before they head back inside for another Steiner Line. So far, if you count punches and kicks, Steiner is at four moves. Brian slams him down but his middle rope splash hits leg. I’ve always thought that would hurt the leg as much as the guy trying the splash. Hart offers a distraction with the collar but Brian is sent into him, setting up the Steiner Bulldog (hey he hit five!) to avenge Wrestlemania VII and retain.

Rating: D-. Of all the people they have in this company, BRIAN KNOBBS got a TV Title shot? You couldn’t throw some low level schmuck out there who might be able to do a single decent looking move? This may be a stretch, but Brian may be a worse illustration of nepotism than David Flair. At least with Flair there might have been some potential there, but everyone knew what they were getting with Knobbs but his friendship with Hogan kept getting him work.

Nitro Girls. Tony asks why Heenan never applauds them. Heenan: “It’s impossible to clap with one hand.” First, no it isn’t. Second…..I need a minute.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Saturn

The big bald guy drops Saturn with some early clotheslines but gets kicked outside, setting up a great looking Asai moonsault. Back in and Bigelow just launches Saturn across the ring because Bigelow is old and therefore doesn’t have to sell. He charges into a boot in the corner though and fires off right hands, only to be shoved into the referee. Saturn nails an AJ Styles style springboard forearm and nails a decent t-bone suplex. Cue Kanyon (why couldn’t this be Kanyon vs. Saturn? Too entertaining a prospect?) to shove Saturn into a bearhug, but Shane Douglas comes out to shove Kanyon onto both of them, giving Saturn a pin.

Rating: D+. I know they’ve taken their time getting here but the Revolution finally seems to be taking hold. Benoit winning the title and getting to defend it in a pretty solid match was a good sign and they even won a match over an older guy. I have zero confidence that it’s going to last, but at least it worked for one night.

Benoit and Malenko come out to save Saturn from a beatdown.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Hulk Hogan

No word on what Sid’s record is after after all those beatings but he jumps the champ at the bell. Hearing Heenan suck up to Hogan continues to disgust me. If Hogan can be the same character he was in the 80s, why can’t the Brain? Well other than a complete lack of caring that it. Sid very slowly stomps on Hulk and drops a leg, sending Hogan popping back up to his feet. Ever the lunkhead, Sid stands in the corner with his back to Hulk, allowing the champ to hammer away.

Sid bails to the floor and thankfully doesn’t go off to buy a hot dog and a Coke. Back in and he can’t ram Hogan into the buckle but Hulk can do it to him. This riveting spectacle heads outside with Hogan nailing Sid with a chair and throwing him into the audience. For a change of pace, Sid hits Hogan with the chair and throws him onto the announcers’ table. He even one ups the champ by pouring water over Hulk AND the announcers! Tony: “HE SOAKED US WITH WATER!”

Back in and we hit a nerve hold because Sid worked so hard already. The fans chant Goldberg, but the water in Heenan’s ear makes it sound like Hogan. A clothesline breaks up the comeback and Sid fires off some right hands as Tony tries to explain how Hulking Up works. The chokeslam gets a delayed two and I think you know what’s coming. That’s right: Rick Steiner breaking up the comeback because WCW wants us all to watch Raw.

Rating: F. You know, I grew up a Hulkamaniac. In the twenty five years plus as a Hulk Hogan fan, I’ve sat through a lot of nonsense. Over the years, very few things have made me as embarrassed as this nonsense. It comes off like a Hogan impersonator doing all of Hulk’s greatest hits on a carnival circuit, but instead it’s the real thing on national TV. The matches aren’t any good, the live fans respond to a degree, but the TV audience collectively does not care.

Sid doesn’t make things any better either. I know he never was exactly a ring general, but this is setting a new standard for him too. He clearly doesn’t care anymore and is just out there for a check, but some of the stuff he does makes you wonder if he’s trying to make the matches even worse. This was two old guys (even though Sid is in his late 30s here) embarrassing themselves for a check and the company letting themselves die for whatever stupid reasons they come up with this week to validate it.

Trash fills the ring as Hogan is beaten down until Sting makes the save. Hulk covers Steiner for a three count and bell before handing Sting the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was the Sid Vicious show and for the life of me I don’t know why. I get that they’re setting up Sid vs. Goldberg for the battle of the streaks, but my goodness do they have to have him mess up that many matches to get to the point? He wouldn’t break up Enos vs. Miller but he can break up Regal getting to hurt Scotty Riggs? Then to cap it off they have him lose the main event via DQ? It’s like they’re parodying the Streak and wrecking the midcard to get there.

While this show was bad, it was a different kind of bad than recently. Lately the shows have been bad because of how horrible things were, but in this case it felt like there were a good many bright spots being dragged down by the bad. The Revolution is starting to take hold and getting rid of the Black and White is a good thing. However, we’re looking towards the old guys dominating the main event for what feels like months to come and KISS next week. As usual, this company could be good if they would get out of their own way, but it just seems to keep getting worse.

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Road Wild 1999
Date: August 14, 1999
Location: Sturgis, South Dakota
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Back to Eric Bischoff’s big idea so he could ride motorcycles around the Black Hills. The main event here is Kevin Nash vs. Hulk Hogan in a title/career vs. career match, which still doesn’t sound fair to Hogan. After sitting through the disaster that was Thunder though, I really don’t care about what is fair in WCW. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap of course focuses on Nash vs. Hogan. In case the five or six videos on Thunder weren’t enough for you of course. Actually, the more I think about it, one of these guys leaving means we might get someone new in the main event. FREAKING SWEET MAN!

Tony talks about this history of Road Wild. As in the show that debuted back in 1996 (1997 if you consider Hog Wild its own show). Just printing his quotes are better than almost any jokes I could come up with.

Here’s the first show of any WCW employees: Tenay in a jean jacket and sunglasses, Tony in a darker jean jacket, sunglasses and a backwards hat, and Heenan (looking mostly normal) in a black shirt and hat. My goodness this stuff never gets easier to sit through. They hype up the main event and other big options to eat up time.

We recap the Dead Pool vs. the yet to be named Filthy Animals which I don’t think has an actual story. They just started fighting one day and led up to this match. Tony says the fighting took place on the WCW Network. Good grief you mean they thought of it first???

Dead Pool vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

I do like the road design for the entrance ramp and the whole atmosphere is always really cool. It’s Vampiro and the Insane Clown Posse (Violent J. and Shaggy 2 Dope) with Raven in their corner here. It’s a big brawl to start with the Clowns thankfully being knocked to the floor so Vampiro can handle the wrestling. Kidman hits an early Sky High, followed by a slingshot hilo from Eddie. They head outside for a few seconds and we see that the ring is up on a mini platform like in previous years.

Vampiro nails a nice spinwheel kick to drop Eddie as Tony points out that the Clowns aren’t really wrestlers. Granted I question how much they’re actually singers or musicians either but that’s a discussion for another time. We now get to the real point of the match as Tenay says Vampiro might be touring with the Clowns in the future. J. comes in to imitate whatever moves he saw watching wrestling as a kid, including a clothesline and a jawbreaker.

Tenay brings up the fans that have been stuck in the airport for all eternity, stalking wrestling personalities and asking them about whatever main event is coming up. Vampiro comes back in but Eddie climbs the ropes into a hurricanrana, only to have J. make the save. A Rock Bottom gets two on Eddie and the Clowns hit a double suplex. Amazingly enough, one of the most talented wrestlers of all time doesn’t have much of a problem beating up a clown named after a Scooby Doo character. He drops Shaggy with a superplex and the hot tag brings in Mysterio.

Raven actually does something (when was the last time he even had a match?) by tripping Mysterio to the floor so Vampiro can hit the Nail in the Coffin on the floor. J. comes back in and I keep getting distracted by the steak sandwich stand opposite the hard camera. Things slow back down again as Tenay brags about the Clowns being able to hit legdrops in the wrestling ring they’ve set up in their backyards. The moral of the story: don’t backyard wrestle unless you can get WCW mainstream coverage.

Shaggy powerslams Rey (Tony: “Great execution. As good as you’ll get!” The British Bulldog is rolling over in his grave.) and drops him with a clothesline for no cover. Rey raises a boot in the corner and hits a split legged moonsault, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. Everything breaks down and Kidman is left alone with Shaggy. Apparently he’s more of a Yogi Bear fan as he drops the Shooting Star for the pin to thankfully get us to a match full of actual wrestlers.

Rating: D+. The thing is, the match isn’t even all that bad. The problem here though is how many notches Mysterio, Guerrero and Kidman have to crank it down so the Clowns aren’t overwhelmed. Those three are some of the best wrestlers WCW ever had but they’re stuck in the opening match against some musicians because WCW would rather make a quick splash off having the Clowns in a boring match than put on a product that could actually compete against WWF, which Mysterio, Guerrero and Kidman tearing the house down for these twelve minutes could have been a big part of.

The Clowns aren’t even horrible in the ring, but they’re very, very limited. They can do basic stuff like clotheslines and suplexes, but so can every single wrestler on the roster. Instead of Mysterio defending the title (which he hasn’t done on a major show since May from what I can find) or Eddie actually wrapping up that stolen wallet story, we’re stuck watching these guys do stuff they taught themselves so they can have a thrill. That’s what we get for our $30?

We recap Harlem Heat vs. the Triad for the Tag Team Titles. Booker was getting beaten up by the Triad but Stevie came out to help him. He wanted to reform the team, but Booker said take off the NWO colors. Stevie said okey dokey and that’s about all it took.

Tag Team Titles: Jersey Triad vs. Harlem Heat

The Triad is defending but it’s only Kanyon and Bigelow at ringside because Flair can’t let them have all three members around anymore. Kanyon says most of the bikers here likely don’t have cable, so he explains the usual question, only to be drowned out by the engines revving. Booker is in black and white after making a big deal out of Stevie not wearing the black and white. I smell a secret alliance and feel the need to tune into Nitro to find out more.

The champs jump them to start but are quickly knocked to the floor. Only WCW would put Bam Bam Bigelow, a former biker covered in tattoos, in front of a biker rally as a heel. Tony isn’t sure if Harlem Heat will have continuity after only wrestling a few matches in the last year. You mean like Bigelow and Kanyon? Stevie tries to get the crowd going but Kanyon sends him into the corner and drives in some shoulders to the ribs. Ray pops back up and throws both champions out to the floor and things slow down again. Heenan: “I remember one time I picked up the Beast From the East. Her name was Monica.”

Back in and Booker comes in to stomp Kanyon in the corner but gets dropped to the mat and choked. Tony and Bobby actually agree that Charles Robinson was a fair referee most of the time. Tenay: “…..what?” This commentary is extra golden tonight. Back to Stevie who tells the fans to rev their engines, which for some reason keeps Bigelow from going after Stevie when his back is turned. Shoulder blocks have no effect on either guy so Ray runs him over with a clothesline.

Kanyon gets in a knee from the apron and comes in to mock the bikers a bit. Heenan turns into a manager and starts coaching Kanyon on how to choke. It’s back to Bigelow for a corner splash and a chinlock so he can whisper some sweet spots into Ray’s ear. Back to Kanyon who tries to put Stevie down so Bigelow can go up top, only to have Kanyon catapult him into Bam Bam for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to fire off his kicks but Bigelow low bridges him to the floor. Oddly the fans have gone far more silent since Booker came in.

Kanyon nails his middle rope Fameasser for two as we’ve slowed down again. He loads up the same move but this time Booker powerbombs him for a nice counter. I love when wrestlers learn during the match. Stevie comes in again to hammer away but Page runs out, only to get knocked down by Bigelow, setting up Booker’s missile dropkick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. It’s a very good sign that Benoit and Booker T. have picked up a title each in the last five days. Going back to Harlem Heat was a step backwards, but I’m very glad to see the younger guys getting something out of all this. The match was pretty good too with a basic tag team formula that has worked for years and will continue working for years to come. It also keeps up the idea that once the villains lose their backer and have to fight fair, the good guys win. In other words, Wrestling 101 works even in WCW.

We recap the Revolution vs. the Rednecks. For some reason this is treated as more about Hennig vs. Saturn than anything else. There isn’t much of a story here other than they needed something for these teams to do and threw them into this match. Oh and CHAD BROCK!!!

Revolution vs. West Texas Rednecks

It’s Douglas/Malenko/Saturn vs. Hennig/Windham/Duncum with the rednecks billed as the villains as WCW still doesn’t get their audience (nor do they get their money but at least Bischoff got to ride a motorcycle!). Saturn says they don’t care about the cowboys or Chad Brock (heresy!) so just pick who gets beaten up first. It’s a brawl to start again with the Revolution cleaning house. We settle down to Malenko vs. Barry Windham, who can’t make the t-shirt over trunks look work.

Dean takes over to start and brings in Saturn for a back elbow as Tenay goes into Professor mode, talking about how the Rednecks all have fathers who wrestled. That’s the kind of guy wrestling needs again (and not Matt “let me beat you over the head with my knowledge and names of moves that no one uses” Striker) and I’m sure there’s someone out there. Douglas comes in with a nice powerslam on Duncum as the Revolution keeps the wrestling strong. Heenan tells a story about having an 115 degree temperature but coming back just two years later. Wrestling could use a commentator like him too, but I don’t think one exists.

Saturn suplexes Windham down and hammers away but Kendall nails Saturn from the floor to change control. Good old fashioned cheating never hurt anyone. Well Saturn maybe but that’s beside the point. Off to Hennig for the necksnap as a truck drives along the road behind the ring. You can’t say this show looks the same as the rest of them. Hennig lets Saturn tag and house is cleaned for a bit before it’s off to Douglas.

The Rednecks come in to break up a Pittsburgh Plunge attempt and “whoever it was” (Tenay’s words) trips him to the floor and Shane gets beaten down on the floor. Things settle down to Windham suplexing Douglas for two. The Rednecks get us into a regular tag team formula with Kendall getting in his shots from the floor. Since we’re getting into a good wrestling match, it’s time to talk about Savage vs. Rodman. Duncum suplexes Douglas for two and we hit the chinlock.

Back to Windham for a DDT and the slowest two count I’ve seen in years. If a heel was getting counted, the announcers would suggest the referee was crooked. Shane stops Duncum with a boot in the corner and Saturn gets the hot tag. Everything breaks down and Dean puts Hennig in the Cloverleaf, only to have Kendall break it up with the cowbell. Saturn nails Duncum with the Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: C. Well at least the right team won. They actually had me thinking that the Rednecks were going to win there just to tick the fans off even more. The Revolution finally has some momentum, but unfortunately it’s momentum against midcard acts instead of against the main event guys. I guess that boxing match against Piper was the extent of the youth movement’s main event push, because we need room for the main events we’re getting.

Speaking of what we’re getting, this was the third straight match that could have been on any given Nitro but instead they’re all on this show. The Tag Team Title change meant something, but so far nothing has happened to really give the fans a real thrill. Nothing so far has felt like a big moment and we’re about an hour into the show. That’s not a good sign given what’s coming.

We recap Bagwell vs. Cat. Miller said he could dance like no one else, Bagwell dressed up in black face and stole Cat’s shoes, Miller beat him up a few times, let’s have a match.

Buff Bagwell vs. The Cat

Speaking of matches that have no business on pay per view. Tenay says Bagwell is one big match away from winning championship gold. If you throw in a far better offense I can’t say I disagree, but he’s stuck in this mess of a feud. Sonny is in a biker vest with no shirt underneath for a disturbing look. They still can’t start the match because both guys have to try to talk with Cat cutting off Bagwell every time and the bikers cutting Cat off. Bagwell: “Cat, you’re not a crowd favorite if you know what I mean.” Unless he’s being completely literal, no I don’t know what you mean.

We finally get going with Cat hiptossing Bagwell and dancing a bit. The idea works so well that he does it again but with a slam this time. We’re two minutes into the match now as a PUSSY CAT chant starts up. Buff comes back with a hiptoss and slams of his own, sending Cat to the floor so Buff can dance. Back in again and Miller spends almost a minute teasing a handshake as this match is dying in front of our eyes. He finally gets in a cheap shot on Bagwell and chokes in the corner, only to take two dropkick. Of course, it’s time to dance!

Cat hits him low (what took them so long?) and superkicks Bagwell down but the referee yells at Miller, allowing Sonny to get in some lame choking. They repeat the same sequence before Miller slaps on a chinlock. Bagwell reverses a suplex into one of his own and both guys are down. Back up and a cross body gets two on Cat so Sonny gets on the apron. To complete the disaster, Cat is rammed into Sonny’s briefcase and one of the worst rollups I’ve seen in years (I’ve had to say that too often in this review) gives Bagwell the pin.

Rating: F-. Where do I even start? How about Buff can’t even beat ERNEST MILLER with his finisher??? Last time he beat Piper with a pin in a boxing match and now he beats Miller with a rollup without the shoulder even being on the mat. The match was horrible as it was borderline comedy with all the dancing and repeated spots, mainly focused on choking. This was a disaster and something that should have been buried on Thunder instead of something that was supposed to make me care about Bagwell. How does beating up a goofy dancer who can’t do anything but choke and kick make Buff look like a star? Awful mess.

Miller and Onoo lay Bagwell out post match while Buff’s music is playing. They REALLY had to do this?

We recap Benoit vs. Page. This is part of the Revolution vs. Triad/establishment feud with Benoit wanting to prove that he could hang with a former World Champion like Page. Benoit finally got his chance to win a singles title by beating David Flair for the US Title in a fair fight and now Page wants to beat him to regain his confidence.

US T….

Oh I’m sorry I had the wrong notes. That’s the feud that should have happened. Instead Page made a bunch of Your Mama jokes about Benoit to tick him off, then Benoit won the US Title and this was made a No DQ title match at the last second.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Benoit is defending and this is No DQ. Before the match, Page says Benoit loves his mother, just like anyone else can for $2.99 a minute. Tony says this is the scene of one of Page’s best matches: last year when he teamed with Jay Leno. First the Miller match and now those memories brought up? They slug it out to start and Benoit punches out of a helicopter bomb, knocking Page out to the floor.

Back in (and thankfully away from a shirtless guy that makes Ralphus look trim) with Page getting two off a suplex. We’re already in a reverse chinlock as Page starts in on the ribs. A fireman’s carry into a faceplant drops Benoit for a delayed two and Page drives knees into the ribs. We hear Page’s career history, which really is quite the story. Page plants him with an Anderson spinebuster for two but stops to yell at the referee.

Things slow down as Page walks around the ring before a side slam gets two. I can live with him walking around like that because, unlike Miller, Page has actually shown us more than entry level offense and it fits his character to be a cocky jerk. That’s the kind of stuff that separates guys from nothing like Cat to stars like Page. Benoit gets a breather off a jawbreaker and goes up, only to get caught in the Tree of Woe.

Page takes the referee’s belt away and tries to whip Benoit but Little Naitch actually stands up to him. Granted it doesn’t work as Page wraps the belt around Benoit’s throat (Heenan: “WALK THAT DOG!”) before doing the same with Benoit over his shoulder. Very cool yet disturbing visual actually. Benoit escapes and starts rolling the Germans for two but Kanyon breaks up the Swan Dive.

The Revolution is shown watching on the monitors as Benoit throws Page into Kanyon for two. Page suplexes him down and Bigelow adds a top rope headbutt for another near fall as Benoit just won’t quit. He knocks all three members together for a pair of falling low blows (ala Sting), setting up the Swan Dive to Page to retain the title, no thanks to the Revolution.

Rating: B-. I’d be stunned if this isn’t match of the night. I really liked the story here with Page being all cocky and underestimating Benoit because he had the Triad in his back pocket, only to have Benoit fight all three of them off and win in the end. That being said, it’s really nothing great as it’s far more about the story than the wrestling. It would have been nice to have Benoit win the title here, but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without that David Flair title reign. I mean, it did SO much to make you hate Ric more right?

Breathe in people. It’s big match time.

A motorcycle is given away. I didn’t hear this advertised on any WCW show leading up to this.

We recap Sid vs. Sting but unfortunately we don’t get any Halloween Havoc 1989 clips. Basically Sid is calling himself the Millennium Man and wants to lead WCW into the future. Sting is his first target as he’s being built up for Goldberg.

Sid Vicious vs. Sting

The announcers claim that Sid has been in WCW a little over a month (it’s been two months) and he’s undefeated (if you don’t count tag matches or disqualifications of course). Apparently Sting has given up all of the power that he won from Flair. That clears up some questions, but did they have to wait two weeks to explain it? Sid stalls on the floor to start but gets kicked into the corner for a pair of Stinger Splashes.

He knocks Sid to the floor and that’s enough action to start as Sid takes a seat on the edge of the platform. Sting sends him into the crowd and they walk around ringside for a bit. When did Sting stop wrestling and become a full time brawler? 1997? Back in and Sting misses a Splash in the corner so it’s time for the wide world of choking. A backbreaker gets two on Sting as the crowd has died again. Off to another chinlock as Tony thinks the temperatures lowering could mean the matches go long. Global warming never sounded better.

They head back to the floor with Sid dropping him throat first across the barricade and we hit that chinlock again because Sid needs air. Back up and Sting drops him with a shoulder, setting up the falling low blow (third time in two matches). Sting goes to run the ropes but Sid trips him from his back. Yes, somehow Sid has invented a way to wrestle while laying down. You knew someone was going to do it someday. Snake Eyes puts Sting down again but Sid goes up, only to get taken down with a superplex. Not that it matters as the Stinger Splash is caught by a chokeslam for the completely clean pin.

Rating: D. The resting here was ridiculous as Sid was sitting/laying down at every given chance he had in a match that didn’t even last eleven minutes. This is the kind of thing that people look at in WCW and shake their heads as they wonder why they’re still watching. I mean, am I supposed to just wait for Sid to have another major match where he can be even lazier? I can get behind the idea of building up Sid as a monster, but could he put some effort into his matches? He doesn’t even use a lot of power moves as most of his offense revolves around choking. You can’t throw a powerslam in there?

Quick recap of Rick Steiner vs. Goldberg. Rick and Scott had destroyed Goldberg earlier in the year so Goldberg could go make a movie. Goldberg came back and started brawling with Steiner without a mention of the beatdown, but he did manage to say the TV Title wasn’t worth fighting for. How do you respond to that?

Goldberg vs. Rick Steiner

Non-title. It’s a brawl to start of course and Goldberg just nails him with a clothesline. Steiner tries something like a cross body to no effect and the superkick drops him. They’re clearly not going long here and that’s the best idea possible. Rick bails to the floor ala Sid before coming back in with a low blow. At least he bothered to shove the referee. Rick takes Goldberg’s knee brace off and beats him with it in whatever ways he can (which to be fair isn’t a long list).

I’ll give Tony this: he FINALLY points out that a knee brace Goldberg wore into the ring isn’t a foreign object and shouldn’t be considered cheating. I believe that’s the only time I’ve heard a commentator say that and it’s accurate. A belly to belly gets two for Rick and another brace shot to the head has him in trouble. Goldberg gets up and press slams Steiner into a powerslam, setting up the spear and Jackhammer. He really did just pop up from that offense and win with his signature moves.

Rating: D+. Believe it or not this wasn’t the worst thing they could have done. Ignoring the TV Champion losing in less than six minutes, Goldberg not selling, the knee brace shots having almost no effect and Goldberg’s comeback lasting all of three moves, this was the best possible option they had. Goldberg was supposed to destroy Steiner here and that’s basically what he did, setting him up for a bigger feud down the line. They really need to get the TV Title off of Steiner now though as it’s dying every single day he holds it.

We recap Arliss (the character, not the actor. Well depending on who you ask that is but I’m not getting into that mess again) bringing Rodman back to face Savage. This was before Rodman became a real face by kidnapping Gorgeous George, potentially raping her, attacking from behind and running from a fight. This story was such a mess and I really don’t want to know the logic behind it as I fear it might destroy my mind.

Dennis Rodman vs. Randy Savage

Hardcore for obvious reasons. Now this should be interesting as this match is very fondly remembered but I’m very curious as to how well it holds up. It should also be noted that Savage promised to bring a very bad man here to guard George. That man would also be revealed as the Hummer driver, even though this was ignored on Nitro this past week. Savage comes out alone because he doesn’t want George around Rodman. To be fair I don’t want to be around Rodman either. Rodman wants to know where she is but Savage says Rodman is his tonight. More swearing ensues and I have no idea what they’re talking about.

They’re on the floor about six seconds in with Savage going into the barricade a few times. Back in and the announcers are already praising Rodman as hard as they can. What took them so long? An elbow to the jaw puts Savage down and Tony says that’s enough to show that he’s a fine competitor. He follows it up with a Russian legsweep for another really slow two and even knows how to argue with a referee. He gets tired of dealing with Billy Silverman and lays him out before slowly walking around the ring.

Savage gets in his first offense after about three minutes by raking Rodman’s face. Heenan: “REBOUND THIS!” Mickie Jay comes out to referee as Savage hits his third choke of the match. He punches out a photographer to steal his camera and uses it to nail Rodman for two. The near fall earns Jay a right hand of his own and Scott Dickinson comes in to give us three referees knocked out.

Rodman gets back up to throw Savage outside but Savage tosses him over the barricade. The fans throw Rodman back as Savage walks around looking for weapons (or a real opponent). We’re on referee #4 now as they walk backstage. Rodman kind of armdrags Savage down but gets thrown into some trash. Here’s the big spot of the match: Rodman gets thrown into a portable toilet, which is then shoved over. The door opens and the waste comes out, only to have Rodman pop back up. Seriously, THAT is what people say made this match entertaining.

Back to ringside with Savage being thrown into the lighting structure before Dennis “hits” a middle rope “clothesline”, accidentally knocking the referee down. Gorgeous George comes out to the reaction of the match and hits Rodman low. She also gives Savage a chain to knock Rodman out for the pin to end this mess. Yes, Savage needed George and a chain to beat a basketball player.

Rating: D. It was messy (literally), it wasn’t really entertaining, Rodman nor Savage have any business in a ring at this point…..but I didn’t completely hate this. Maybe it’s low expectations or Rodman having a better presence than he did in the horrible tag match in 1998, but this could have been about a million times worse. Yeah the toilet spot was stupid and a lot of the moves didn’t hit, but this is like the Clown match earlier: it’s not fair to expect a good match out of someone who isn’t a good wrestler. The praise this match got is overkill, but this could have been WAY worse.

We recap Hogan vs. Nash, which seems to be the real match they wanted to get to instead of Goldberg vs. Hogan or Goldberg vs. Nash. The idea here is they’re arguing over who was the real force behind the NWO and it’s Nash’s career vs. Hogan’s career and title to try and add in some drama. Hogan turned face earlier in the week to get rid of any possible drama for this match.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash

The fans and announcers are entirely behind Hogan. Nash shoves him into the corner a few times to start and the engines rev again. He grabs a headlock (Hogan: “OH MY GOD!”) and we’re already stuck in first gear. Another shove sends Nash to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and we hit the test of strength with Nash getting the better of it. Tony continues his bizarre commentary by saying Nash is two inches taller than Hogan. If you drop Nash down to 6’11, that puts Hogan at 6’9. That’s a stretch even for WCW.

Nash starts going after the back but takes too long on the framed elbow. There’s nothing here that wouldn’t be seen on a Nitro main event so far. Hulk hammers away in the corner but gets raked in the eyes. Nash uses the boot choke as we’re only in signature mode here. They head outside for nothing of note before Nash slowly walks around the ring. He calls for the Jackknife but keeps hammering away, including the framed elbow. The big boot and Jackknife plant Hogan and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and Nash is sent on vacation. Uh I mean retired. Yeah retired. For like, ever.

Rating: D. So after all that time (the full five days) of buildup for the career vs. career stipulation and the huge Nash heel turn (three weeks ago I believe) after Hogan’s long title reign (less than a month at this point), they did the paint by numbers Hogan match and expected us to be amazed. This was the Hogan formula from the 80s taking place four months from the year 2000, which tells you almost all you need to know about WCW.

The worst part is Hogan vs. Nash could have drawn a fairly decent crowd if promoted the right way. It’s a big main event that we hadn’t seen yet but it’s thrown onto maybe the lowest level PPV of the year on a Saturday instead of the usual Sunday. They set this match up to fail and I really don’t get the thinking there. Granted that could be said about almost everything around this time.

Overall Rating: D. This really isn’t the worst show ever, as the first half (save for the Bagwell vs. Cat mess) is totally watchable. Mostly boring but watchable. You have some decent action and a title change plus a good Benoit vs. Page match. Unfortunately, that all led to the second half of the show and that’s where this show gets its reputation.

The main event guys hit new levels of lazy and sluggish here with Sid somehow coming up with offense from his back. I mean, he can’t even sit up to trip Sting? The main event had as much heat as an igloo on Christmas Eve, Sting vs. Sid was just there to set up something for the future, Goldberg vs. Steiner was a Thunder main event and Rodman vs. Savage was just a celebrity appearance. Maybe Nash leaving for awhile will open up a main event slot, but the thoughts of who they might put in there terrifies me.

You know what this needed to be? A Clash of the Champions. Cut out the opener, Miller vs. Bagwell and make Sid/Savage vs. Rodman/Sting (Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see Sting and Rodman try to have a conversation) a tag match. That’s not a bad two hour show and it would certainly make fans feel better than paying for this mess. This show didn’t need to be a three hour pay per view as the matches and feuds just aren’t there for one. They need to mix things up soon though because this product is killing them.

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