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Check it out and enjoy,

KB

Today is 1derful. Mr. 1derful Paul Orndorff actually. That’s how he signs autographs actually.

Hulk Hogan/Paul Orndorff vs. Antonio Inoki/Riki Choshu

Hogan has a beard here and gets almost no reaction. After a weapons check we’re ready to go. Orndorff and Choshu start things off and we actually get a clean break. Paul takes him down by the arm for early control as Freddie Blassie is managing the Americans. Hogan comes in and hammers on Riki in the corner before it’s off to Inoki for a showdown. Hulk drags him into the corner by the arm but it’s quickly back to Orndorff to crank on the arm.

Inoki sweeps the leg out and it’s back to Choshu as this is a rather technical match so far. It’s always interesting to see how differently things go in other countries in different eras. Choshu stays on the leg and puts on something like an STF but just lets go of it to be nice I guess. Hogan comes in with some slams for two and a hard shot to the head. Oh yeah the Americans are heels here.

Hogan lifts Riki up and drops him down onto Paul’s knee so Orndorff can bend the spine a bit. Saito Suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. The heels take turns working over Choshu until Hogan scores with a lariat. He lifts Choshu into the air and manages to talk trash to Inoki before slamming Riki down. Choshu grabs a brainbuster out of nowhere for two on Paul and everything breaks down. All four guys go to the floor and the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. This was fine other than a quick ending. Choshu and Inoki are both legends who can do no wrong and you have two young guys in Hogan/Orndorff to rile up the crowd. It really is amazing to see Hogan at this point in his career as a lot of the stuff that made him famous is there but in a completely different form.

We’ll jump ahead a good bit here to Orndorff in the WWF, where he saw by far his greatest success. First up is this match from September 1, 1984 in St. Louis which we’ll look at because it has Tito Santana in it and Tito Santana is awesome.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Paul Orndorff

This is from September 1, 1984 in St. Louis. I know because there’s a graphic that says September 1, 1984 in St. Louis. Orndorff is a top heel here but not quite Piper’s levels. Tito is a house of fire to start. Must have had the extra hot sauce on his taco today. The fans chant Paula and there are even signs. Technical stuff to start as they fight for control. Top wristlock by Tito and he finally gets him down.

Back to the mat and Tito cranks on the arm. Orndorff tries to fight out but we need to work on that arm some more. Clipped to the armbar still on but the two guys on their feet now. Orndorff grabs an atomic drop and Tito is in trouble. Knee lift puts Santana on the floor. Outside now and there’s another atomic drop. Tito’s shoulder is bleeding a bit. Orndorff actually does the RVD thumb point.

Tito comes back in with a sunset flip but Paul punches him in the head to stop him. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Tito hits him with some shots but a suplex puts him right back down. Cross body gets two for Tito. The fans are way into this. Santana starts hitting him in the kidneys and a knee lift puts Paul down. Orndorff tries a middle rope splash but it eats knees.

Tito gets all fired up and pounds Paul down with what Jesse would call that firey Latin temper of his. Boston Crab is countered but Paul goes into the buckle anyway. That gets two but Tito gets his head taken off by a clothesline. That gets two and this is a VERY slow referee. Orndorff stomps away in the same style that Lance Storm used. Paul gets in another shot but time runs out at about 14:30 shown so a lot must have been cut.

Rating: B-. Fun match but I’d have liked to see the full version. It’s not quite the classic that it’s hyped up as here but this was still pretty fun. Orndorff was better than he was given credit for but he was caught between two legendary feuds so his stuff with Hogan is often forgotten, which is a shame.

Soon after this the WWF would hit one of its peaks with the Rock and Wrestling Connection. Orndorff would be right in the middle of things as he was a close friend of Roddy Piper, who was causing all the drama. With Hogan having Mr. T. backing him up, Orndorff was brought in by Piper as his second for the tag team main event of the first Wrestlemania.

Hulk Hogan/Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

Piper comes out with the full New York Pipe and Drums band while Hogan and T come out to Eye of the Tiger. Advantage Hogan/T. Piper and Orndorff have Bob Orton as their second while Hogan/T have Jimmy Snuka. Advantage Hogan/T. This is looking kind of one sided isn’t it? Oh and Pat Patterson is the inside referee while Ali is the outside referee. The heels all hug and we’re ready to go.

Orndorff and Hogan get things going but Piper tags in before there’s any contact. Therefore T wants to fight Piper and they immediately head to the mat. T and Piper do some amateur stuff and T actually lasts long enough for a standoff. We get some staring until T hooks Piper in an airplane spin. Everything breaks down and Ali gets in to help break it up. Orton and Snuka try to get in as well but Ali glares Orton down.

Things break down again and the heels get rammed together until we get down to Hogan vs. Piper. Hulk rams Piper’s head into the mat over and over until it’s back to T. Hogan offers his knee as something to ram Piper’s head into and it’s back to the champion to send Piper to the outside. Orndorff jumps Hogan from behind and knocks him outside where Roddy blasts him with a chair.

Paul chokes away from the apron until T charges in for the save. Pat Patterson has to pull T off and you know he enjoys this in some way. A double atomic drop puts Hogan down and Orndorff hits a vertical suplex. Roddy comes back in to get in his punches and knee shots followed by an Orndorff top rope elbow to the back of Hulk’s neck for two. Paul goes up again but misses the knee drop and there’s the hot tag to T.

Orndorff and T brawl on the mat for a bit until Mr. gets in trouble via a Piper front facelock. That goes nowhere though as T stands up and makes the tag with no effort to be seen. Hogan pounds away but walks into a belly to back suplex. Orton and Snuka get in the ring for no apparent reason and as the referee calms things down, Orton comes in off the top with the cast but hits Orndorff by mistake to give Hogan the pin.

Rating: B-. Is it great? Not even close, but the point of this match was the crowd reacting to it rather than the match itself. It’s easily the best match of the night and while the only question coming into tonight was who was getting the fall. This was exactly what the fans wanted and that’s what this was supposed to be about. Nice main event here.

Piper would blame Orndorff for the loss, kicking off a feud between the two of them. From Saturday Night’s Main Event #2.

Paul Orndorff vs. Roddy Piper

This was on the SNME DVD which is well worth buying. Piper has ANOTHER Scottish band with him. Big feud here as these two had been partners against Hogan but they blamed each other for the loss at Mania, resulting in Orndorff turning face eventually and then turning heel again to light the company on fire including a 60,000 person house show in Toronto.

This is a total brawl and not resembling a match in the slightest. They just beat the heck out of each other with punches, kicks and chokes. To be fair though that’s what this is supposed to be so they’re hitting the mark on that front. We hit the floor maybe a minute and a half in and it’s just nuts. Today this isn’t much but at this time it’s a big old brawl. Orndorff busts out a suplex and Jesse points out it’s the first wrestling move.

The referee puts the fastest ten count in recorded history on them but they’re both up. We hit the floor again and the fans are into this. We head up the aisle for the double countout which is the right thing to do. This never got a proper blowoff for some reason which is a shame. They fight into the back and Piper hides in a locker room as we go to a break.

Rating: C+. From a wrestling perspective this is awful but from a brawling perspective this was great. The idea was to just have these two want to kill each other and that’s how it went. This was one of the hottest feuds possible and it worked very well in that sense. It was a good brawl but FAR too short to be great.

Orndorff would be entered in the Wrestling Classic tournament in November 1985.

First Round: Bob Orton Jr. vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the final first round match, so if nothing else we can move on to some more interesting stuff, at least in theory. Orton has a sore arm apparently. Doesn’t look serious though so he should be fine soon. The main idea here is that Orton wants the bounty. The arm has been injured about 8 months already and I think it still would be at Mania 3. For a little reference, this is about six months before Mania 2.

In a wise move, Orndorff works on the arm. Well at least he’s smart about it. In a freaking sick looking move, Paul (way too annoying to have to keep typing his last name) hooks his feet around the arm of Orton and more or less uses an Indian Deathlock on it. That looked awesome. There’s your heel comeback but I’m distracted by the hotness of Mickie James on Smackdown.

Ok I’m back now. How did two hours pass in between there??? And why am I all sticky? When did I go to Arby’s??? Oh well at least it tastes good. Orton is the bodyguard of Piper at this point so he’s being constantly called the bodyguard of Piper. He really was technically sound if nothing else so there we are. This is actually a pretty good match just like the previous one. These are two guys that can work a decent match when they have to.

Paul was a good wrestler but a horrible character if that makes sense. He was just bland as all goodness. Think about it: name one time where he was interesting other than Hogan. See what I mean? In another kind of dumb ending, a cast shot gets the DQ for Paul. Well, that’s one way to do it I guess. This wound up becoming part of a bigger feud involving Piper and Muraco that would eventually result in Piper’s great heel work turning Orndorff heel again in about a year or less.

Rating: B-. Again, this is a solid example of how you make a decent match. Now to be fair they had a lot more time here than anyone else has had (seven minutes which still isn’t much at all) and they made the most of it. There was a story here or at least something looking like one. Both guys worked fairly hard and while the ending sucked, not much else did. That’s how it’s done again.

A few months later, Orndorff would start teaming with Hulk Hogan. This led to the two of them gaining some big victories, but Bobby Heenan got involved. He taunted Orndorff by saying that Hogan had no respect for him and wasn’t really Orndorff’s friend. Paul called Hogan but was told that Hulk was working out and couldn’t come to the phone. Orndorff was upset and spent their next match wrestling by himself to prove that he could do everything just as well as Hogan.

There was an interesting point in the match where Orndorff tried to slam King Kong Bundy but couldn’t quite do it. Hogan finally got the tag and easily slammed both Bundy and Big John Studd, which further infuriated Orndorff. He turned on Hogan post match and joined Heenan, who immediately praised Orndorff as the best wrestler in the world, which is all Orndorff wanted: some recognition. It was an oddly deep angle which a lot of people didn’t get the full measure of. Anyway, the first big showdown was at a massive house show called The Big Event.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the hottest feud in the world as Orndorff had turned face to help Hogan with Piper and Orton but Hogan had more or less been a jerk (I don’t know about you but I’m STUNNED over that) to him and wouldn’t answer the phone when he was working out. Heenan then poked Orndorff into believing that Hogan didn’t ever care about him but that Heenan always would.

Orndorff, wanting to be accepted and not used, turned to the dark side and beat up Hogan at a big show to set up this which launched the hottest feud in perhaps ever at this point. This was the only reason that this whole show happened on such a huge stage, much like Hogan vs. Andre. The only difference here is that there wasn’t a Savage vs. Steamboat to balance it out. Also, Mania would have nearly 20,000 more people, or another Madison Square Garden on top of this. That’s just completely ridiculous.

They start off with just a big freaking brawl and the fans are WAY into this. This is more or less all punching and chasing until Heenan makes the stop and the heel takes over. Orndorff was a different kind of heel as instead of this big fat slob, he was small and athletic which was something new for Hogan. Also there were a lot of people that were siding with Orndorff as Hogan had really just been a massive jerk to him.

Ladd really likes kissing up to Hogan. He’s getting into Vince territory, but then again Hogan has muscles and Vince is way too obsessed with musclemen. GOOD NIGHT that referee is slow. Paul dominates until Hogan starts to Hulk Up. He uses a jumping knee to the back of Orndorff and the referee is crushed. Hogan imitates Orndorff with the arm in the air for the clothesline which is how Orndorff turned on him.

He goes for Orndorff’s piledriver but Heenan runs in with a wooden stool to blast Hogan in the head. Why he had that is beyond me. For no apparent reason the referee wakes up and taps Orndorff to say that Hogan wins by DQ. Hogan wakes up and kicks his teeth in for no apparent reason other than being a jerk. We get a replay with no commentary for no apparent reason before posing and credits take us out.

Rating: B-. This was all about the atmosphere and not about the match itself. Even still this was fine as both guys were over as heck in their respective roles and this was indeed a huge match. Hogan going over unclean was smart as it gave Orndorff a reason for a rematch which was required so all was fine here. I’m not sure I get why Paul was disqualified but it was Hogan’s world so there we are.

The feud would continue with Hogan turning to Roddy Piper of all people to help him fight the Heenan Family. From November 24, 1986.

Paul Orndorff/Harley Race vs. Hulk Hogan/Roddy Piper

These two teaming up together always feels wrong. Big brawl to start until Hogan and Piper clear the ring. The heels come back in so Hogan picks up Piper and uses his feet as a battering ram. Piper vs. Race officially gets us started. Off to Hulk and the place goes manic. They work on Race’s arm and it’s back to Piper for another big pop. Ok make it Hogan again. You know they work well together for mortal enemies.

They do look at each other with a bit of disdain and a lack of trust but if they didn’t it would be awful. Race headbutts his way out of trouble but still can’t bring Paul in. Back to Hulk and the arm work continues. The place is about to come unglued. Race finally gets in a belly to belly and knee drop to take over. Here’s Orndorff off the top and Piper is in trouble now.

The heels take turns on Piper and it’s off to a chinlock. This place is going to explode when Hogan gets the tag. Suplex keeps Roddy down and it’s off to Paul again. Race hammers away on Piper some more and headbutts him. Roddy stands still and looks like he’s about to fall down when he dives forward for the tag. That looked great. Race looks scared to death and Hogan pounds away. House is cleaned and he drops the leg but Orndorff saves. Heenan gets drilled and heel miscommunication lets Piper pin Race which counts for some reason.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where it’s about the atmosphere instead of the match itself. Piper and Hogan teaming together is still a weird sight and I’m not sure how well I like it. Still though, fun little match that blew the roof off MSG (that thing has to be in disrepair given how often it happens) which is the entire idea.

One more match between the two, from Saturday Night’s Main Event IX in the final blowoff.

WWF World Title: Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan

This is the first cage match on network TV apparently. Well that’s kind of cool. Paul has stolen Hogan’s music at this point which is such a great heel tactic and someone needs to steal it today. Hogan says it’s time for a new start but the cage is a dead end for Orndorff. His eyes are bugging out of his head so he’s liked coked half to death.

Today this would be the main event of a major PPV like the Rumble with ease, if not Mania. In other words, this was HUGE. Orndorff jumps him early and we’re off to the races. Jess says the winner is the new champion. Does that mean the title is vacant? There are two officials here so keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. Orndorff gets over the top but Hogan grabs him by the hair, allowing Jesse to get my favorite of his lines ever: Hogan would not be champion if Mr. Wonderful was bald. The delivery of it is just great.

Jesse is oddly hypocritical here by saying anything goes in a cage but then complaining about Hogan choking with a bandana. Vince keeps calling Hogan Champion Hogan. He’s done it at least 5 times in as many minutes. Danny Davis, the future evil referee, has the door locked for Hogan but unlocked for Orndorff. In a rather stupid moment, Hogan blocks a shot into the cage and rams Orndorff in, but Hogan winds up going in as well. Weird.

We get to the famous finish as both guys climb up on opposite sides and hit the floor at the seemingly same time where Davis names Orndorff as referee but Marella (Gorilla Monsoon’s son in some not that well known trivia) says it was Hogan. Jesse and Vince got at it over this. Fink says it’s a tie so we’re going to continue!

One key thing here is Orndorff is taking it to Hogan. He’s not a bit afraid of Hogan at all and isn’t your traditional challenger as he’s smaller than Hogan. One thing I’ve always wondered: why doesn’t Orndorff throw Hogan in and then just step back out and win the title? Davis is taken away thanks to Hogan hitting him earlier. Hogan Hulks Up and beats the living tar out of Wonderful, just completely destroying him for a long time before a leg drop (set up by a backbreaker of all things) lets him get out. He beats up Heenan for fun afterwards as a total jerk since Heenan wasn’t even facing him.

Rating: B. You need the context of this match to get why it’s so good. This was the final blowoff to this feud that went on for at least half a year. It was the undisputed top feud in the company and drew a TON of money. Also keep in mind that this was the first televised cage match ever on national TV. It was a PPV-level main event on free TV so how could it not be huge? However, it was only the appetizer as soon after this, Hogan would get a trophy for being world champion for three years. Andre would get a smaller one for being undefeated for fifteen years. The Frenchman wasn’t happy with it.

Orndorff would be fired by Heenan soon after this and turn face again. Heenan sent his men after Orndorff, including this match against Rick Rude from MSG on November 24, 1987.

Paul Orndorff vs. Rick Rude

These two would be in the main event Survivor Series match. This is a return match as these two had been feuding for awhile. Orndorff had quit Heenan’s stable and was feuding with everyone in the Heenan Family. Orndorff’s manager is Oliver Humperdink, who probably won’t live to see the summer this year. Orndorff pulls him to the floor immediately and the brawl is on.

Back in the ring and Rude is knocked into the ropes which he falls through, getting his leg caught. Orndorff grabs a cord and wraps it around Rude’s throat. Rude is just a step ahead of a comedy heel here as he wouldn’t become a serious guy for a year and a half. Bockwinkel freaking over the cheating is funny stuff. Atomic drop and a clothesline put Rude down.

Rude finally gets a knee up to stop Paul’s momentum. It’s so hilarious to hear Bockwinkel defend Heenan as Heenan was Bockwinkel’s manager for the better part of eternity back in the AWA. Rude takes over with his basic offense including a chinlock. Heenan jumps on the mic and talks about how he hasn’t been doing anything wrong at all. Gorilla calls him out on it and Heenan’s rant is hilarious stuff.

While still in the chinlock Orndorff stands up and drops Rude backwards into an electric chair. Bockwinkel calls Gorilla out for his hypocrisy about picking on heel managers rather than face managers and Gorilla more or less blows him off. Rude takes over again and hits his punch off the top rope. We’re maybe seven minutes into this and Gorilla is talking about the twenty minute mark. I guess he’s just thinking ahead as there hasn’t been any clipping here.

Paul makes his comeback and hammers away to more or less no reaction. Back drop puts Rude down and pulls Rude up off a pin which all of the commentators agree was a bad idea. Clothesline hits and it’s time for the Piledriver. Heenan gets up on the apron and gets knocked down by Rude. He distracts Paul again and Rude rolls him up with the tights to end it.

Rating: C. Total run of the mill 80s match here which was just ok. I’ve never been a fan of Orndorff and this was just average, which is probably why I never was that big on him. Rude winning like that is fine as it keeps heat on him and it has Orndorff lose again which would eventually lead to him turning heel again and rejoining Heenan. Totally basic match.

Orndorff would take a break from wrestling almost immediately after this as he had badly injured his arm but was making $20,000 a week feuding with Hogan. He would make a comeback in WCW in 1990 though, as part of Sting’s Dudes With Attitude stable to feud with the Horsemen. Here’s one of his highest profile matches from the run, at Great American Bash 1990.

Dudes With Attitude vs. Horsemen

It’s Orndorff/JYD/El Gigante (making his debut) vs. Sid/Barry/Arn (TV Champion) and this is more of the Sting’s guys vs. Horsemen war. Arn vs. Paul gets us going. Sid comes in instead so Paul hip tosses everyone. He can’t backslide Sid though, or at least not until the JYD headbutts Sid down. Arn comes in to pound on Paul but he fights out of the corner. El Gigante comes in and everyone named after a Horse runs.

The Horsemen have a huddle but Orndorff pulls him back in for a beating from JYD. Gigante pulls back a fist and Anderson runs very fast as his eyes bug out. Windham comes in and JYD gets down on all fours to headbutt him a few times. Arn punches the Dog a few times and brings Barry back in. Windham DDTs Dog and hey he has a hard head. That’s a new one from him.

A not hot tag brings Orndorff in and he cleans a few rooms. The Dudes were never in any real trouble so there’s no heat on the tag. He loads up the piledriver on Anderson but Barry comes in off the top to break it up. The fans want Sid so he comes in for a chinlock. Everything breaks down and a lot of people are thrown over the top. The Horsemen run from Gigante and somewhere in there the Dudes win via DQ.

Rating: D. There was no point here other than to showcase Gigante. The problem with that is he’s just there for his look rather than anything resembling skill. Very boring match here and the fans didn’t care at all other than wanting the eternally popular Sid. This wouldn’t end anytime soon that I remember.

Orndorff would hit the indies for awhile and do nothing of note save for a decent run in OVW. He would come back to WCW in 1993 as a heel with one of his first major matches coming at SuperBrawl III.

Cactus Jack vs. Paul Orndorff

This is falls count anywhere and the winner gets to replace an injured Rick Rude in a match at an upcoming Clash of the Champions. Jack was completely revolutionary at the time as no one had seen anyone as nuts as he was. He had been there a year already though so it’s not like he was still new. This is more or less Cactus doing his thing while Orndorff just being there because he drew money six and a half years ago. Jack hits that sunset flip off the apron for two and we’re finally in the ring.

This is a huge brawl or what passes for a huge brawl in 1993. They fight into the crowd which was a new thing back then. This started over a number one contenders match. Jack takes a suplex where his back landed on the railing. That has to hurt like freaking goodness. Orndorff keeps going after the knee as this has been far better than I expected it to be, which wasn’t much at all. We get a figure four and apparently this isn’t no DQ. Ok, what the heck? What about all the weapons shots from earlier on? So a knee brace isn’t a foreign object? After a chair shot to the knee, Orndorff signals for a piledriver but Jack gets the shovel he’s been carrying around and a shot to the head gets the out of nowhere pin.

Rating: B-. It was good but the ending came out of freaking nowhere. I liked this more than I should have though. The key thing here though: the young guy goes over. In a year and a half when Hogan showed up that got reversed and it eventually is what killed WCW off. Orndorff wasn’t exactly the next Rick Rude.

The singles run didn’t do much good over the course of 1993 so Orndorff tried his hand as a tag wrestler with partner Paul Roma. The team of Pretty Wonderful would get a shot at the World Tag Team Titles at Bash at the Beach 1994.

Tag Titles: Pretty Wonderful vs. Kevin Sullivan/Cactus Jack

So, we’re pushing Orndorff, a Hogan friend, over Cactus Jack, because Orndorff at 45 is worth more and has a brighter future than Cactus Jack who is 32 here and still healthy. We can’t have people cutting edgy and cool promos because we need to use the same ones we used in the 80s so we don’t have to actually come up with something on our own, so let’s just get rid of Jack because he’s young and popular and over and talented and people want to watch him.

We don’t have time for that. WE HAVE BEEFCAKE!!! My freaking goodness Paul Roma sucks. We see a shot of Cactus with no teeth because I guess they were knocked out or something. Next of course he bites Orrdorff. I hate WCW at times. So let’s see. We have a young guy that is popular but doesn’t wrestle a standard style. What’s the solution to discredit him?

Let’s put him in the ring with Paul Roma and a guy in his mid 40s with one good arm and then blame him for how much it sucked! I wish I was making that up, but they gave these guys more time than Steamboat and Austin. They actually asked Paul Roma and Paul Orndorff to wrestle for twenty minutes and expected it to be good. I mean seriously, who thought this was going to work?

Why is Orndorff on the roster anymore here? This is what killed WCW in my eyes: the old guys that were friends of Hogan getting pushes while the future, as in Austin and Jack getting depushed and let go because Hogan can’t go at their level and the show would have been stolen from him if they had stayed. ANYWAY after twenty minutes of this Jack hits the double arm but Roma holds his foot down and Orndorff pops up and covers him, allowing another old finish to end it.

Rating: D. And that’s only because Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time and I won’t fail him. This was just moronic as you know they could tell this would be bad but they did it anyway. Not only did the Pauls hold the titles but they beat ANOTHER young team to get them back and then Roma and Orndorff just faded away like they were supposed to, but not before making Cactus look terrible and having him head to ECW along with Austin.

They would lose the belts to Stars and Stripes a few months later. Here’s the rematch at Halloween Havoc 1994.

Tag Titles: Stars N Stripes vs. Pretty Wonderful

Pretty Wonderful are the former champions here as Stars N Stripes beat them about a month earlier. Good night do those teams sound generic. Pretty Wonderful is made up of Pretty Paul Roma and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Stars N Stripes are Bagwell and the Patriot. I really am not looking forward to this. This just sounds like a bad match on an indy show or something like that.

Heenan suggests that the Patriot is Al Gore. Something tells me that Bobby is going to be all that gets me through this match and show. Bagwell was a five time champion with four different partners. That either says he’s a great tag wrestler or he has no direction so they kept throwing him in random tag teams because he had a big contract and they had nothing else to do with him.

You can tell the announcers are just bored to death as they’re arguing over what a tag is and then there’s something about Dennis Rodman. This is just BORING. They actually say this is the last night Hogan will face Flair. That’s just hilarious. They wrestled 15 years later and likely will in TNA also. They discuss the Lions’ Super Bowl chances. This is just amusing. Nothing at all is going on in the match.

They say that Tiger Stadium and Yankee Stadium are the last great ballparks. The real last great ballparks are the ones still in use today: Fenway and Wrigley. Heenan says that once all of the matches are over, no one is going to take a shower because they’ll all be watching the cage match.

Ok, number one, why does Heenan know the showering habits of the wrestlers and why would no one take a shower after their match when they have about an hour and a half before the main event? How clean do they like to get? The fans are more or less dead for this by the way. Bagwell hits the suplex and Wonderful hits an elbow on him to get the titles. This was somehow worse than the previous match.

Rating: D-. I have never cared less about a match than I did here. I’ve always thought Bagwell was hot and there’s a former Horseman in there though so it’s not a failure. The announcers were bored too as this was just bland as all goodness. This really wasn’t a good time for the tag division and it would take Harlem Heat to fix a lot if its problems.

We’ll wrap it up with Orndorff’s last match as a regular competitor. From December 11, 1995 on Nitro.

Disco Inferno vs. Paul Orndorff

This would be Orndorff’s last match for over four years as his neck was just destroyed. Disco jumps him to start and let’s talk about Hogan and Sting. The idiocy of Hogan skipping Starrcade shines brighter every time he’s on television before the show. Orndorff unleashes the power of the 80s to take over and dances a bit. BIG belly to back suplex has Disco in trouble. Ok so it has him pinned.

Rating: N/A. Total filler here as it’s less than three minutes long and a suplex of all things ended it. See you later Paul.

Paul Orndorff is a guy that I really haven’t cared for over most of his career but he’s grown on me a good bit since then. He’s one of the toughest men you’ll ever find in wrestling and was INSANELY over as a heel back in 1986. The turn against Hogan drew crazy money and was the biggest feud in years. Unfortunately it was immediately followed by Hogan vs. Andre so no one remembers it. His WCW days weren’t the best but his time in the WWF was excellent.

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Today is kind of a big deal: Yokozuna.

Ricky Santana vs. Great Kokina

Kokina is dressed like the Headshrinkers would be in the WWF and has hair to match them. Santana tries some right hands in the corner but has almost no effect. A dropkick sends Kokina into the corner but he grabs a wristlock to take over again. Some headbutts to Santana’s hand of all places puts him back down for a nerve hold.

Santana is thrown to the floor (grass actually) before getting beaten in the corner like he stole something. Back to the nerve hold until Ricky fights up, only to be slammed back down to the mat. Kokina misses a headbutt though and Ricky hammers away, droppking the big man with a dropkick. Not that it matters though as Kokina crushes him with a Samoan drop for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here as Kokina was more of a generic Samoan monster than the awesome monster he would become. Santana isn’t the biggest deal in the world but he’s a name I’ve at least heard of. The match wasn’t all that much but it made Kokina out to be a killer.

Another place Kokina performed was in Germany for the Catch Wrestling Association. Here’s a match against CWA owner and boss Otto Wanz from December 17, 1988.

Otto Wanz vs. Great Kokina

Kokina is listed as the Prince of Hawaii. Wanz is CWA Champion here and is a big man in his own right. Kokina hammers him into the corner but Wanz comes back with forearms to the chest to a HUGE ovation. He knocks Kokina to the floor and the fans are losing their minds. The guy is over in his own company if nothing else. Back in and Wanz grabs a headlock before taking Kokina to the mat with an armbar.

Kokina comes back with a shot to the chest to set up a nerve hold before just letting it go for no apparent reason. The bell rings and I think that’s the end of a round, which used to be a common thing in European wrestling. Round two starts and chokes away in the corner, tearing away some of the pads in the process. Wanz comes back with more forearms to the chest but gets caught in another nerve hold. Back up again and Wanz slugs him into the corner one more time and Kokina goes down. Wanz picks up the leg and drives a knee into Kokina’s thigh before shifting it over to a half crab for an eventual submission.

Rating: D+. I’ll give Wanz this: he was over like free beer in a frat house out there. Kokina wasn’t as good as he was in Puerto Rico here but two big fat guys working together is a hard formula to make work. The match wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen but Wanz was really just doing fat man offense out there, which was getting a great reaction to be fair.

It was off to the WWF after a few years in Japan where Kokina would become Yokozuna, making his big match debut at Survivor Series 1992.

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

Yoko is listed as being from the Polynesian Islands here. This is when Yoko is only 505lbs and he had padding in his outfit to make him look fatter. I think this is his PPV debut. Yoko immediately shoves him away and chops Virgil down. Some dropkicks do some good for Virgil but Yoko superkicks him (and gets his foot higher than Virgil did) to take over. Virgil pounds away a bit but a Rock Bottom takes him down. Some more shots stagger Yoko but a sidewalk slam and a legdrop make things all better again. Yoko misses a charge and like an IDIOT, Virgil tries a rollup. Yoko falls on him and it’s BANZAI for the pin.

Rating: C-. For a debut, this could have been better but it’s clear that no one is going to stop this guy for awhile. Yoko would get the rocket to the stars push soon, winning the Rumble in two months and the world title at Wrestlemania in another two months. Virgil was a jobber to the stars here and nothing more, which is all he should have been. Somehow he would keep a job until 1994.

While it’s not a big match, this is a fairly famous one from January 11, 1993. If the date rings a bell, it’s the debut episode of Monday Night Raw and this is the first match in the show’s history.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They swear on the air which might be a first for Raw. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it. Koko being around at this point surprises me.

Yokozuna would win the Royal Rumble later that month and go on to Wrestlemania IX to challenge Bret Hart for the WWF World Title in the main event.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Bret is defending against Yoko who won the Royal Rumble. It wasn’t an automatic title shot yet but starting the following year it would be. Bret hits a quick dropkick and pounds away but a single shot knocks the champion away. A big tackle runs Bret over and sends him to the outside but he trips Yoko up to take him down. Bret pounds away but it doesn’t do a lot of damage. Yoko wins a battle of the clotheslines and a big old legdrop crushes the champ’s face.

Off to a nerve hold for a bit but Bret gets his feet up in the corner to block a charge. A middle rope bulldog puts the monster down for two which is a victory in and of itself. Yoko superkicks Bret down and it’s right back to the nerve hold. Bret fights up and makes his comeback, finally knocking Yoko down with a middle rope clothesline. A buckle pad is ripped off somewhere in there and Bret rams him face first into it. Yoko falls on his stomach and Bret gets the Sharpshooter, only to have Fuji throw salt in the champ’s face. That’s actually enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Bret did what he could but there’s a limit to what you can get out of a big fat guy like this. The ending is pretty lame and the match lasted less than nine minutes. That just doesn’t fit for a Wrestlemania main event but thankfully the rematch the next year would get more time and would be MUCH better.

Since Hulk Hogan felt the need to be champion again, he would take the title from Yokozuna a few minutes after this, setting up a rematch at King of the Ring 1993.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Yoko is billed as being from the Polynesian Islands despite having a ton of Japanese photographers (remember that) and a guy waving the Japanese flag. Apparently Hogan trimmed down for endurance here. Does that put him at maybe 302 or something I guess? Heenan says that this is a fresh Yokozuna and not one that just had a thirty minute match with Bret Hart.

In other words it’s the same as last time since Yoko vs. Hart was like 9 minutes. Also this is Hogan’s only title defense in two and a half months as champion so there we are. It was fairly HOKEY SMOKE WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT??? Someone has stolen Hogan’s attire and belt. That guy can’t weigh more than 260. Literally he’s got to be 40-50 pounds lighter than usual.

This is right around the time of the steroids trial, so there we are for an explanation. He’s billed at 302 which is the biggest lie in the history of wrestling. Yes even more than Vince is decent in the ring for a guy with no training. Ross calling a Hogan match just doesn’t work for me for some reason. He says he’ll slam Yoko. That’s just amusing. I can’t get over how small he is.

It’s obvious that he’s going to lose here, but the interesting thing is how that happens. They mention that this arguably should have been Bret vs. Hogan, which it really should have been to give Hart the rub of all rubs that I feel cost Bret’s career. Considering I wrote out a huge thread on this before I’ll spare the details, but the main idea is that Bret never had that big defining win over a guy from the previous generation to make him seem like a legit guy.

It in turn hurt Shawn as Shawn’s bit rub was from Bret, which made Shawn look sort of weak. And think about it: they’re both considered more or less failures as draws and I can’t think of anyone that puts them on Hogan’s level or maybe even that of Savage, and to me this is because they never got that rub. Can you imagine how big of a star Bret would have been if Hogan gave up to the Sharpshooter or even just got pinned?

Even Savage would have been a huge deal. I’ve always thought Hogan didn’t do it because he knew Bret would wrestle circles around him but that’s neither here nor there. The problem to me was simply that Bret didn’t get the rub that he needed and a lot of it can be pointed at Hogan I think, but anyway. Hogan’s chest is flatter than Stacy Keibler’s.

Yoko is dominant for the most part here, with the main idea being that Hogan is just outmatched here by the size and power of Yoko. He hits some offense here and there as I’m somewhat reminded of Hogan vs. Andre, although nowhere near as cool or important. So after about the world’s longest bearhug this side of an Andre match, Hogan starts his comeback but STILL can’t slam him.

He Hulks Up though and actually hits the leg drop, but when it’s time for the adrenaline fueled slam attempt, a Japanese photographer (who may or may not have been Harvey Whippleman) jumps up on the apron to take a closeup of Hogan.

The camera explodes in his face which leads to the belly to belly and leg drop to crush Hulkamania dead. Yoko is the champion and Hogan wouldn’t be seen on WWF TV for almost 9 years. He would go to WCW in about 13 months and change wrestling forever, again. Hogan is taken out here, and Hulkamania is over.

Rating: C-. This really was little more than a squash. Yoko completely dominated here for about ten or eleven minutes out of thirteen. I don’t think they could have built him up any stronger than they did. Like I said, Hogan was gone and it was time for someone new to step up to face Yoko. Now the big question was who.

The man would be Lex Luger, who would fly onto the USS Intrepid and win a body slam challenge against Yokozuna, becoming the new American hero. His shot was at Summerslam 1993.

WWF Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Remember, this is Luger’s ONE title shot. It’s a long staredown to start before Lex has to knock Mr. Fuji down. Lex starts pounding away but a single shot from the champion puts him down. Luger comes back with more right hands and down goes Yoko. A big elbow drop gets two for Luger and he avoid one from Yoko. Luger hits a running clothesline in the corner before pounding away on the champion’s head in the corner. Yoko will have none of that though and takes Luger down with a single chop.

Luger gets in some right hands but can’t slam Yoko again. Instead he gets kicked in the face and knocked to the floor with some headbutts. Out to the floor they go with Yoko choking Luger with a mic cord. A splash crushes Luger against the post but Yoko misses a chair shot. They head back inside where Luger hits two ax handle shots off the top and middle rope before a top rope forearm gets a very close two count.

A double clothesline puts both guys down and things slow down even more. Fuji throws in his bucket which Yoko uses to knock Luger out cold but only for two. A big belly to belly suplex and side slam get the same results as the champion is getting frustrated. Off to a nerve hold by the champion which eats up several minutes.

Luger fights up again but gets clotheslined down for two. To show you how impressive he is, Heenan actually compliments Luger. I don’t think I ever remember him cheering for a good guy before. Yokozuna loads up the Banzai Drop but Luger rolls away at the last minute. They fight into the corner again but Yoko misses a charge. Luger slams him down and hits the loaded forearm, knocking the champion out to the floor. Unfortunately for Luger, he also knocked Yokozuna out cold, earning Luger a countout win.

Rating: D+. This was long and slow without being very good. Luger got good reactions though, especially for the slam. It was clear that his character was nothing but warmed over Hogan leftovers but at least the fans hadn’t entirely realized that yet. This wasn’t a terrible match, but it certainly was nothing of note either. The ending wasn’t great but it was necessary to continue the story being told.

Here’s a match you probably haven’t seen before. It’s from a special called Survivor Series Showdown on November 22, 1993.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

There’s an opening match for you. Yoko is defending as I’m guessing this is the end of a TV taping or something. The champion shoves Bret around to start but gets dropkicked out to the floor for his efforts. JR points out the flaw of the USA chant but Gorilla brushes it off. Yoko stays on the floor for about two minutes without being counted out somehow. Back in (finally) and Bret pounds away before throwing on a sleeper.

That goes about as well as you would expect for a small guy trying a sleeper on a monster so the champion takes over again. A knee drop crushes Bret and Yoko rips at his face for a bit. The Canadian is sent to the floor where Fuji gets in a cheap shot with the flag and we take a break. Back with Bret pounding away out of the corner but getting taken down by a cheap shot to the throat.

Off to the nerve hold by the champion which lasts for a good long while. Bret fights up and charges into Yoko for no good reason and bounces out to the floor as you would expect. Yoko follows him out and gets sent into the steps to no effect, so there’s a chair shot to Hart’s back. More chair shots keep Bret down and we take a second break. Back with Yoko hitting the fat man legdrop for no cover.

Yoko misses a big charge in the corner and Bret has his rocking. The Hart Attack clothesline is enough for two but Bret has to deck Fuji before he can follow up. Hart goes up but dives into a bearhug but immediately bites his way out of it. A middle rope bulldog is enough for another two as the fans are WAY into it now.

The middle rope elbow hits but Bret might have hut his knee in the process. The Canadian goes up again but dives into a belly to belly as both guys are down again. The champ misses a splash so Bret hooks the Sharpshooter but Owen walks to ringside for absolutely no apparent reason. Fuji hits Bret with the bucket so Owen runs in and hits Yoko with the same bucket for the DQ.

Rating: B. When you can drag a good match out of the fat man Yoko, you can tell you’ve got something special on your hands. This was a LONG match too, hitting nearly half an hour which was unthinkable for a free TV match back in the day. Owen coming out was foreshadowing the heel turn on Wednesday. Yeah Survivor Series was on Wednesday in 1993.

Soon after this Yokozuna would captain a Survivor Series team called the Foreign Fanatics to face the All Americans at Survivor Series 1993.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques
Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

The Quebecers are the tag champions and have Johnny Raven Polo as their manager. Yoko is world champion. Jacques and Scott start things off and Jacques offers a handshake. Scott says screw you in classic Freakzilla style. Scott hits a quick belly to belly for two and it’s off to Rick. Jacques brings in Yoko and things slow down almost immediately. Rick hits a clothesline and a shoulder to knock Yoko out to the floor but it doesn’t do much good.

Off to Borga who died in the last year or so. Rick gets knocked to the floor but comes back in off the top with a shoulder for no cover. Borga misses an elbow and Rick goes up again, coming off with a cross body. Borga rolls through it and Rick isn’t moving at all, giving Borga an easy pin. Rick finally starts moving and holds his leg, so I’m thinking that’s a legit injury. Rick can’t stand up on the floor.

Scott comes in next and gets to fight Jacques. Rick eventually limps off on his own power which is a good sign at least. Scott hits a great gorilla press but Crush catches a falling Jacques and I guess that’s a tag. Steiner wants nothing to do with a test of strength so Crush pounds on him a bit. A butterfly powerbomb puts Crush down and apparently Savage is back in the building. Crush kicks Scott down and here’s Macho.

Crush throws Scott down to the floor over the top but he won’t go after Savage. Randy gets sent to the back and the dull match continues as Scott may have hurt his knee on that fall. The knee gets targeted now with Crush firing away some kicks and Savage is coming back AGAIN. Scott dropkicks Crush to the floor and Crush goes after Savage for long enough to draw a countout.

Jacques goes after the injured Scott now with a rear chinlock followed by an elbow to the jaw for two. Scott somehow hits a gorilla press on Jacques and there’s the tag to Lex. He slams Jacques down and drops a middle rope elbow for the elimination. It’s now Lex, Taker and Scott vs. Borga and Yoko. Borga comes in to face the still limping Scott. Taker hasn’t been in the match yet.

Borga pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yoko comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yoko eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Luger comes in as we’re almost 20 minutes in with no Taker at all yet. Borga, a Finn, waves the Japanese flag. Yoko misses a splash and Lex pounds away, only to get clotheslined down with ease. Off to Borga who runs Luger over again and kicks him in the ribs. Back to Yoko who misses a charge, and it’s FINALLY off to Taker.

Taker hits his running DDT and sits up but a Borga distraction lets Yoko suplex Taker down. There’s the situp and another after a clothesline. A legdrop keeps Taker down and there’s the Banzai, but Yoko goes for another, and Taker moves. A clothesline puts Yoko on the floor and they brawl to a double countout. See you at the Rumble boys. Taker was legally in the match for less than two minutes and forty seconds.

So it’s Lex vs. Borga now and as Taker and Yoko brawl on the floor. Ludvig has taken over and drops a leg on Lex. A side slam puts Lex down for two and Borga gets more two’s off various other power moves. He isn’t covering well though so he isn’t ready to pin Luger yet. A suplex puts Borga down and they clothesline each other. With Cornette distracting the referee, Borga hits Lex with Fuji’s salt bucket for two. Lex gets fired up and hits a powerslam and the loaded forearm for the final pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work either. Taker was the main draw of the match and he wasn’t even in there for a tenth of the match. Yoko vs. Taker would go on to screw up two PPVs and Lex would never get the title, basically making the second half of 1993 totally pointless. This match didn’t work at all, and a lot of that is due to the heel lineup. Unless there was an injury or something, I don’t get why Pierre was taken out.

As I’m sure you can guess, this led to Yokozuna vs. the Undertaker at the 1994 Royal Rumble. This is one of those things that had to be seen to be believed.

WWF World Title: The Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Casket match. They stare each other down to start and Taker fires off his uppercuts to stagger the champion. A clothesline puts Yoko down and another uppercut puts Yoko on the floor. Taker is sent into the steps and it’s immediately no sold, scaring Yoko to death again. There’s Old School but the jumping clothesline misses as Yoko ducks. Why does no one else ever think of doing that?

They fight over a chair on the floor which winds up going upside Yoko’s head. There’s a plastic chair to the back of the champion but Yoko grabs the trusty salt to blind Taker. Now it’s Taker’s back getting hit with the chair and we head back inside. A clothesline puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Taker wins a slugout in the middle of the ring but Yoko belly to belly suplexes him down. Come on. You know that’s not holding him down. Taker pops up and grabs Yoko by the throat and hits a DDT to put the champion down again.

Yoko is placed in the casket but here’s Crush to block Taker from closing it. Taker slugs him down so here’s Great Kabuki and Tenryu but Taker beats them down as well. Yoko is still out cold in the casket. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in now and it’s 4-1 in the ring. One has to wonder why Paul Bearer doesn’t go over and close the casket but this match doesn’t seem to be the most logical one. Fuji and Cornette have stolen the Urn.

Yoko finally gets out of the casket as Bearer beats up Fuji and Cornette, stealing the Urn back. He uses it to recharge Taker, who fights off all four mercenaries. Now it’s Adam Bomb to make it technically 8-1 but Taker fights everyone off with the salt bucket. Jeff Jarrett comes in as well, as do the Headshrinkers. That makes it NINE wrestlers (Yoko, Crush, Kabuki, Tenryu, Bigelow, Jarrett, Samu, Fatu, Adam Bomb) against Undertaker.

AND HE GETS UP. Diesel comes out and they get Taker in the coffin but he fights ALL OF THEM OFF. Yoko steals the Urn and hits Taker in the head with it before opening the Urn. Green smoke comes out of it and Taker now is powerless. Everyone hits a bunch of moves on him as this goes on WAY too long. After ALL THAT, Taker is put in the coffin and Yoko retains the title.

Rating: F. On a major wrestling show, The Undertaker just fought off ten men until green smoke was released to drain him of his power. I’ve seen Japanese anime that makes more sense than this. Oh and the match itself, as in the one on one part, might have gone about six minutes.

BUT IT GETS WORSE!

The heels all push the coffin away when a gong goes off. Smoke comes out of the casket…..and a FREAKING CAMERA FEED FROM INSIDE THE CASKET POPS UP ON THE SCREEN. Taker says his soul lives in everyone and he can’t be extinguished. He says there’s going to be a rebirth of the Undertaker and he won’t rest in peace. Then electrical noises go off and we get something like an inverse camera shot (as in it’s all in black and white but what is white is black and what is black is white).

Then, to REALLY hammer home the point, the image on the screen starts to rise up through the top of the screen (which should be the top of the casket, meaning it should be ramming into the people that put him in the freaking casket) and A FREAKING BODY RISES OUT OF THE TOP OF THE SCREEN. AS IN A TANGIBLE BODY (which might have been played by Marty Jannetty).

In other words, WWF just said Taker is something like Jesus. Oh and one other thing to really make sure this is stupid: YOU CAN’T SEE IT. All I can see are some quick shots of it when flashes go off. This is one of those things that embarrasses me as a wrestling fan. I mean…..WOW.

Yokozuna would be champion going into Wrestlemania X where he potentially had to wrestle twice, defending the title against Lex Luger first and then Bret Hart if he was successful.

WWF World Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending of course and there’s also backstory to this. The idea here is that last 4th of July, Yokozuna held a bodyslam challenge on board the U.S.S. Intrepid. No one could slam him and the contest was closed, but a helicopter landed on the ship and out stepped Lex Luger. He hit a running forearm and slammed Yokozuna to get the biggest face turn in years. He then went around the country on a bus, begging for a title shot because he was MADE IN THE USA.

Anyway, he got the shot at Summerslam with the catch that it was his ONLY shot. Luger did indeed beat Yoko….by countout. Therefore he was frozen out of the title picture, unless he could win the Royal Rumble. We’ve already covered that though so here’s the first title match. Luger gets a bit intro with fireworks, but do you really think New York City is going to cheer him? Especially with BRET HART in the wings? You should know better than that.

Luger pounds away like any AMERICAN hero worth his (certainly not Japanese) salt. A big right hand sends Yoko out to the floor and there’s an ax handle to the back of the head. Luger busts out a freaking TOP ROPE CROSS BODY for two and a jumping elbow for the same. Since it’s early in the match, a slam completely fails and Yoko falls on top for two. Yoko rips a buckle pad off but we hit the nerve hold for a bit instead. Luger fights out of it but Yoko rams into him to stop any comeback.

Back to el nerve hold which has been running for about five minutes total now. Luger fights up but Fuji pulls the rope down to send him to the outside. Back in and BACK TO THE NERVE HOLD. After about 87 years Luger fights up and makes his comeback….only to be knocked down by a chop. Yoko tries to send Luger into Chekov’s buckle but gets sent into it himself of course.

Luger makes his REAL comeback and hits a clothesline to put Yoko down and there’s the “slam” (more like he picked up Yoko and dropped him). The forearm knocks Yoko out but Luger has to beat up Fuji and Cornette. Perfect won’t count so Luger shoves him…AND THAT’S A DQ! Holy screwjob! That’s clearly what the fans are chanting: screwjob, not some other word that starts with s and often comes after holy.

Rating: D+. It’s rare to see Luger as the star of a match but that’s certainly the case here. That nerve hold was RIDICULOUS as it was about 80% of the champion’s “offense”, although a case can be made that he was saving strength for later tonight which is understandable. This was a callback to something that most people didn’t remember, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fair game. Unfortunately Perfect would injure his back again after this and not be able to payoff this feud. Either way, Luger is officially a choker in the WWF and was done as a world title contender after this.

And the second match on the show.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending if you can’t tell. Burt is barely able to read lines off a card. Hart is STILL selling the leg from earlier, because that’s how awesome he is. Yoko jumps Bret to start and the fans are already fired up for this. Bret tries to fire back with some punches but Yoko stomps him down. Piper and Cornette get in an argument as Yoko blasts Hart. The splash misses though and Bret pounds away, only to hurt his head on a headbutt.

Hart actually manages to punch Yoko down and gets two off an ax handle to the back. The champion comes back with fat man offense and drops the big leg for two. A headbutt puts Bret on the floor but he gets back in at eight. Yoko misses a charge in the corner and there’s a bulldog out of the corner to put the big man down. That only gets two though, as does the middle rope elbow. Bret keeps limping and hits the Hart Attack clothesline for a delayed two.

The belly to belly puts Bret down but Yoko won’t cover for no apparent reason. Instead he loads up the Banzai Drop, only to fall victim to the powers of gravity. It knocks the wind out of the monster, allowing Hart to hook the leg for the pin and the title as the roof is blown off of Madison Square Garden for about the fifth time tonight.

Rating: B-. While it isn’t a classic, the fans were WAY into this and it’s a feel good moment to end the show. Bret was fighting a very different kind of match here rather than he did the previous year, as here he was taking it straight to Yoko instead of sticking and moving. Very solid match here all things considered and a great way to get the giant out of the title scene.

After he lost the title, Yokozuna had someone coming back for revenge. Here’s the casket rematch from Survivor Series 1994 with CHUCK NORRIS as guest enforcer referee.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

This is a casket match where you have to throw your opponent in the casket and close it to win. Druids bring out the casket of course. Yoko is so fat here it’s unreal. Taker does the throat slit from across the ring and Yoko falls down. A Yoko splash in the corner is no sold but the fat man stops before he gets thrown to the casket. Yoko winds up on top of the casket to further freak him out.

They fight to the floor with Taker in control. Back inside Old School staggers Yoko but he catches Taker in a Samoan Drop. Taker doesn’t sell it but the move did hit. A headbutt puts Taker down but he won’t go in the casket. Back in and Taker misses an elbow but sits up anyway. A Rock Bottom puts Taker down and Yoko drops a leg while he’s sitting up to keep the dead man (as in Undertaker, not the legitimately dead Yokozuna) down.

Taker gets put in the casket but he blocks it from being closed. They both wind up in the box and slug it out but Mr. Fuji pulls Taker’s hair to break things up. Cornette (Yoko’s other manager) gets drilled as well and we head back inside. Yoko sends him back to the floor and rams him into the steps (from inside the ring, which is kind of impressive). Back inside and they slug it out with Taker slamming Yoko’s head into the mat.

Taker channels his inner Kane and hits a top rope clothesline to put Yokozuna down. As he’s rolling the fat man over, here’s King Kong Bundy to glare at Norris. Bigelow comes out as well but nothing comes of it. Nothing comes of it on their end at least as IRS comes in and beats up Undertaker, which would also set up the Undertaker vs. DiBiase’s Corporation feud for 1995. Taker gets put in the casket but by the time Yoko gets there, Taker blocks the lid from closing. Jeff Jarrett comes out to challenge Norris and gets kicked in the chest. Taker hits a DDT and a big boot to send Yokozuna into the casket for the win.

Rating: D. This was really dull stuff and the ending was never in doubt. Once Yokozuna got this fat he was just worthless. This was the last we would see of him until Wrestlemania where he came back EVEN BIGGER. Norris didn’t really add much here but the fans liked him and that’s all that really matters. Thankfully this feud ended here.

We’ll wrap it up with one of Yokozuna’s last successful performances. From Wrestlemania XI.

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/??? vs. Smoking Gunns

Owen introduces Yokozuna as his mystery partner. The Gunns are defending here and say they’ll win. Owen and Billy start things off with Hart trying to speed things up. That goes badly for him as Billy slaps him in the face and brings in Bart to work on the arm. Owen fights back though and brings in Yoko who misses an elbow drop. Back to Owen as we’re firmly in the Colossal Connection formula (Owen does the wrestling, Yoko comes in for a few seconds to destroy whoever he’s fighting).

The Gunns hit a double legsweep on Hart and a double flapjack gets two. Owen finally escapes a backdrop attempt and brings in Yoko. Billy gets taken down and sat on, giving the foreigners control. Off to a nerve hold which hopefully doesn’t last as long as the ones last year did. After we kill a minute or so in the hold, Owen loads up a missile dropkick but hits his partner by mistake. There’s the hot tag to Bart and house is cleaned, but Billy walks into a belly to belly suplex. The Banzai Drop hits but Bart breaks up the pin. Not that it really matters though as Owen covers Billy for the pin and the title, Owen’s first in the company.

Rating: C-. Another decent but lackluster match here which is the theme of this show. The Gunns losing was definitely the right call as Owen and Yoko made for dominant champions for several months. Other than that though, the match was boring stuff overall. Owen finally getting a title was a good moment though.

Yokozuna would be in the WWF for about a year and a half more but became more of a freak show than a serious competitor. He was just so heavy by the end and there was no way to use him. Unfortunately he would die in 2000 of a heart attack at the age of 34. If he had been able to control his weight he could have still been active until a few years ago. It’s a shame too as the guy was so quick and so dominant as a monster and could have been a far bigger deal than he was, which wasn’t bad as he main evented back to back Wrestlemanias, which was a first for a heel. He was also the first to win and retain the World Title at the biggest show of the year, which is quite the accomplishment.

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This one is slightly out of date, but it still works for me.

The voices tell me that today is Randy Orton.

Orton was trained by his dad and started in Missouri for a bit before signing to OVW. Here’s one of his matches from Christmas Chaos 2001 in January of the same year.

Slick Robbie D vs. Randy Orton

Cornette is in the Control Center and gives a brief intro to each match so they’re not as rushed as they seem. Robbie went nowhere but could jump like few I’ve ever seen. Orton actually has hair here and is a rookie as well and even has hair here. The referee is a chick with big hair. Randy isn’t evil here and has few tattoos. He’s also not orange yet.

Robbie hammers away on Orton so Cornette plays up how much of a rookie that Orton is. There’s that gorgeous dropkick by Orton and he grabs an armbar. Wheelbarrow suplex gets two for Orton. He’s freaking jacked here too. Big superkick by Robbie gets him out of trouble though. Leg drop gets two. Robbie hits a dropkick to send Orton to the floor. Apparently if you intentionally throw someone over the top it’s a DQ. I will never get that rule.

BIG plancha takes out Orton. Robbie tries to go up and goes so slow “that a crippled moose could be up there by now.” I love Cornette’s expressions like that one. Superplex brings Robbie down and both guys are down. Orton starts his comeback and hits some basic stuff. In a rather abrupt ending, Orton tries for a full nelson slam which is his finishing move at the time. It’s blocked so Orton tries it again and hits it for the easy pin. Like I said, rather abrupt.

Rating: C+. Another decent little match here as I feel like I’m watching a Before They Were Stars tape or something like that. Orton wasn’t that great here but it was clear that they were going to try to make him into something. As with a lot of other guys I don’t think anyone had any idea how big he would become but the potential was there.

Orton would make it to Smackdown a little over a year later and would be just a guy for awhile, including in this match on Smackdown from July 4, 2002.

D-Von/Batista vs. Big Valbowski/Randy Orton

Orton had been around for a few months here but was just a young kid. Batista was the deacon for Reverend D-Von and had debuted last week as well. Orton has hair here. Batista beat up Orton last week so this is the rematch Orton requested. Val (I’m not typing that whole thing) starts against Batista. He tries to take Batista’s knee out but gets run over by a HUGE clothesline.

Off to D-Von and the veterans do some basic stuff. Orton comes in to a screaming girls pop. He’s always had a sweet dropkick. D-Von gets a neckbreaker out of the corner for two. Orton gets beaten down but manages to bring in Val. Venis gets a Blue Thunder Bomb but Batista makes the save.

Orton comes in and hot shots D-Von, but Big Dave (first name unknown at this point) puts him in a fireman’s carry and rolls through it like Kenderson does. That’s a new one. Or old one in this case I guess. Everything breaks down and Orton misses his top rope cross body. The spinebuster ends this. Cole: “Batista is an animal!”

Rating: C-. This was fine and it’s amazing to see guys like this in their very young days. You never know what you might have in any given match and this is proof of it. I’m sure they knew they had something, but I don’t think anyone knew how big they’d be. Somehow, these two pale in comparison to the guy that would be in the next segment though. The match was fine.

Orton would suffer one of his numerous shoulder injuries to put him out of action. This was where everything changed. Let’s flash back to 1997 for a second. Rocky Maivia was brought in at Survivor Series 1996 as a face, but people would come to loathe him very quickly. They then turned him heel until his talent shined through and the fans turned him face again. This was basically a big screw up that turned out perfectly in the end. In 2002, WWE tried to do the same thing on purpose with Randy Orton.

Unfortunately it didn’t work all that well though and Orton was better as a heel. This led to the Randy News Network bits where he would interrupt broadcasts to say where he was in his shoulder recovery. However, instead of getting over as a face, Orton got WAY over as a heel and WWE just stayed with that and put him in Evolution despite being hurt. Evolution dominated 2003 and Orton was back in the ring a few months into the year. The team hit its peak at Armageddon 2003 which saw Orton challenging RVD for the Intercontinental Title.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

Rob takes him down quickly and Orton heads to the floor. Back in and we get some surprisingly decent chain wrestling, resulting in a standoff. Rob gets a shot to the ribs and a cross body off the top for two. Spinwheel kick puts Orton on the floor as Rob has been in control nearly the entire match so far. Big dive takes Orton out again as Rob threatens Flair a bit.

Slingshot legdrop gets two. He tries to go up again but Orton manages to shove him off, flying into the railing in one of his signature spots. Out to the floor and Orton gets that awesome dropkick of his. Back in and Orton chokes away with Rob making a hilarious face at the same time. Foley pulls Orton off Rob and Flair is TICKED.

Orton takes over with his usual stuff. Well usual for this time at least. It’s so weird to see him with only a few tattoos and normal looking skin. There’s the chinlock just to confirm it’s an Orton match. Big clothesline by Orton but he poses instead of covering. Seated dropkick gets two and it’s chinlock city again. Rob grabs a rolling cradle out of nowhere for two.

Split legged moonsault gets two. Orton hits a move of his I’ve always loved: he puts Rob on his shoulder like for a powerbomb and steps forward, pulling Rob down into a neckbreaker. Love that. Oh look here’s another chinlock. I know that’s a cliché for him but it’s true. Rob fights out of it after WAY too long and hits his spin kick to take over.

Off to the floor again and with Orton draped over the railing, Rob hits that spinwheel kick off the apron. Elevated DDT coming back in gets two. Knee drop by Orton misses and Van Dam gets a rollup with his legs for two. Rolling Thunder hits and there goes Flair whose hair is DRENCHED. Spinning kick takes down Randy again and it’s Five Star time. Flair has something in his hand but Foley takes him down. Orton dropkicks Rob off the ropes and there’s the RKO for the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but Orton clearly didn’t know how to work a long match, although to be fair he still pretty much doesn’t. Van Dam is a weird guy to have carry you so Orton had to do a lot here. Foley would get spat on the next night and leave until the Rumble and then wrestle against Orton at Mania and Backlash. Either way, not bad here but not a classic.

Orton would hold the title for over half a year before dropping it to Edge. This freed him up to go after a World Title and he got that shot at Summerslam 2004.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

Orton won a battle royal a month ago to set this up. It’s weird to see Orton with hair, regular colored skin and few tattoos. The fans of course are more interested in telling Earl Hebner that he screwed Bret. Feeling out process to start with Benoit taking it into the corner for a clean break. Benoit takes it to the mat and puts on a hard chinlock which gets him nowhere. Off to a test of strength with the taller Orton taking over, but Benoit comes back with pure leverage.

Benoit hooks an armbar as we reset a bit. Orton fights up and is armdragged right back down to the mat with Benoit cranking away on the arm. That goes nowhere so Benoit tries a Sharpshooter but Orton kicks him off and puts on one of his own. Benoit counters into his own Sharpshooter but it’s not on full, allowing Orton to get to the ropes. The Crossface doesn’t go on full either so they head to the floor where Benoit is whipped into the barricade.

There’s the Spanish table chant again as Benoit is sent shoulder first into the post. Back in and Orton puts on an armbar of his own, showing some basic psychology. Orton drops him ribs first across the top rope and the fight moves to the outside with Benoit hitting a kind of DDT onto the apron to take over. Chris tries a suicide dive but rams his head into the barricade as Orton moves to the side. Back in and Orton wrenches the neck around before putting on something resembling a camel clutch.

Orton puts Benoit over his shoulder for a powerbomb but steps forward into a neckbreaker for two in a nice move. We hit the chinlock which is actually a smart move here. Back up and both guys hit cross bodies for a double knockout. They slug it out with the champion taking over via a series of forearms to the head. Orton blocks the rolling Germans but gets caught in a northern lights for two.

Randy fights off a superplex and hits a high cross body for two, crushing Benoit’s head again in the process. Chris ducks a clothesline and hits a release German suplex before putting on the Sharpshooter. Two arm drops later and Orton gets to the ropes, only to be caught in a long series of rolling Germans for two. Benoit loads up the Swan Dive but Orton gets up the knee, driving it right into Benoit’s jaw. That’s hard to watch today. Orton’s cover is countered into a bad looking Crossface but Orton rolls away to escape. Back up and another Crossface attempt is countered into the RKO out of nowhere for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This took a bit to get going but I really liked the ending with the RKO hitting from nowhere. It caught the technical master off guard which was the right idea given that Orton is younger and faster. It’s a good match and Benoit put Orton over clean right in the middle of the ring. You can’t ask for more than that.

Orton celebrates as Benoit leaves but Chris comes back and demands that Orton be a man and shake his hand.

Orton would turn face the next night on Raw when HHH kicked him out of Evolution for taking HHH’s title. The title reign wouldn’t last long due to HHH deciding that he needed the belt back and Orton’s face push died. With nothing else to do they turned him heel again and gave him a shot at the Streak, which was really becoming a huge deal.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

It’s Wrestlemania so we get druids, chanting and torches for Undertaker’s entrance. This is never not cool. We also get the Burn in My Light theme for Orton from back when Orton looked like a 24 year old and not like he was made out of orange shoe leather. Undertaker is just 12-0 at this point. Feeling out process to start until Orton scores a quick dropkick for two. A single right hand puts Orton down but a quick rollup out of the corner gets two for Randy.

Undertaker throws him into the corner and drops the leg on Orton on the apron for good measure. Old School drops Orton again but Undertaker misses a running boot in the corner, allowing Orton to dropkick him out to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts Taker down again for two but a running DDT drops Orton for two for the tall guy. Undertaker follows up with some clotheslines in the corner before loading up the snake eyes/big boot combo. Orton blocks the coming boot with an uppercut but he stops to pose, allowing Undertaker to sit up.

They slug it out until Undertaker simply runs Orton over for two. Off to a dragon sleeper by Taker which clearly makes Orton tap but it doesn’t count this early I guess. Orton twists around into a nice DDT for two before we hit the chinlock. Taker fights up so it’s a sleeper instead, only for Taker to counter again with a belly to back suplex. Back up and Orton powerslams Undertaker down for two but he makes the eternal mistake of punching Undertaker in the corner and gets caught in the Last Ride.

Orton escapes though and tries the RKO, only to be shoved off. He grazes the referee on the way to the ropes which apparently passes for a ref bump. The Last Ride is countered again and here’s Randy’s dad Bob with the cast (that’s a VERY slow healing injury as it’s at about 23 years now) to give Orton a VERY close two. In one of my favorite counters ever, Taker loads up the chokeslam but Orton counters in mid air into the RKO for two. Like any good lunkhead, Orton loads up the Tombstone but gets countered into the real thing to make Taker 13-0.

Rating: C+. While not great, Orton was trying out there. The problem was that Orton had been crushed so badly by HHH that there was no reason to buy him as a threat here. I won’t say didn’t even have to break a sweat here but other than that RKO counter and MAYBE the cast shot, Undertaker was never in any danger or even extended trouble.

The rest of 2005 was mainly spent feuding with Undertaker, who eventually won the blowoff match of course. Next up was chasing the World Title on both Smackdown and Raw but Orton couldn’t quite close the deal. Instead it was back to the old Legend Killer stuff, including a match against the biggest legend of them all in Hulk Hogan at Summerslam 2006.

Randy Orton vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan has a bad leg coming in, meaning he’s perfectly normal. Hulk easily shoves Orton down out of lockup to start before running him down with a shoulder block. The bandana goes into Orton’s face before Randy grabs a headlock. Hogan fights out with a top wristlock as we’re still going very slowly so far, much to Hogan’s liking. Randy finally gets in some shots to the face to put Hogan down, thereby making him the biggest heel in the world.

Hogan fights Orton off in the corner and sends him into the buckle. Almost all Hogan so far which continues as Hogan pounds down right hands in the corner. He bites Randy’s forehead and pokes him in the eye to keep us firmly in the mid-80s. Hogan rakes his back and pounds away on the mat before threatening the referee with a right hand. Orton holds the ropes on an Irish whip and pulls Hogan to the mat to work on the knee.

Back in and Orton cannonballs down on the leg before doing a short form of the circle stomp. A chop block puts Hulk down again but he ducks/collapses to avoid a high cross body. Hogan pounds away but misses the big boot, allowing Orton to dropkick him down. The RKO connects for three but Hogan’s foot was on the ropes. Orton argues with the referee, Hulk Hulks Up and the legdrop ends it.

Rating: D. Well let’s see: the booking was out of the 80s, Hogan broke a sweat for maybe a minute, and Orton was pinned clean by a 50+ year old man in about eleven minutes. This is the opposite of last year with Shawn as Michaels didn’t have much to gain from a win. Orton on the other hand could have ridden this win for months, but instead we get Hogan’s last WWE match (which you couldn’t have known at the time) as a tribute to him, complete with the 1985 formula all over again. Not a fan of this but you had to know it was coming.

After chasing the title again for a good chunk of 2007, Orton would be awarded the title at No Mercy 2007 when John Cena was injured. Randy would lose the title less than twenty minutes later to HHH before facing him again later in the night in a last man standing match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

Last man standing. Slugout to start with Orton going after the bad ribs. They keep the slugout going out to the floor where a Pedigree is countered. The bad ribs land on the steel and Orton gets control. Back in and a punch puts HHH down. Out to the floor again and Orton belly to back suplexes him onto the barricade. That gets a six count and Orton throws him into the steps for another six.

They head into the ring and Orton hits a release powerslam for about eight. Facebuster puts Orton down but he pops back up and gets a cord off the floor. He chokes HHH out but what should be murder only gets a nine count. Orton loads up the announce table and gets a horrible shot to the head with a monitor. An RKO from one table to the other doesn’t work as HHH launches him through the second table.

Both guys are down and Orton is holding his arm. Gee where have I seen that before? Trips gets up and it’s a nine count on Orton. A spinebuster on the floor but that gets the same result. Steps to the face of Orton should kill him but gets the slowest nine count ever. Back into the ring and HHH gets a chair. Orton manages to kick the bad ribs and DDTs him onto the chair for an eight or so.

Randy finally goes off and pounds HHH down in the corner and an RKO on the open chair gets nine. The Punt is grabbed and HHH throws Orton over the top to the floor. They go to the floor with HHH pounding on him before throwing him onto the remaining table. Orton escapes and slams him into the post to put HHH down. He gets the steps but HHH hits him low to “slam” Orton’s head into them. A chair to Orton’s head while it’s still on the steps gets nine and we go back to the table. An RKO out of nowhere onto the table gives Orton the title. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: B. Good match but the counts got pretty ridiculous at times. The ending didn’t help either as Orton had hit him with far bigger stuff just moments earlier but the RKO ends it because that’s what Orton finishes matches with. Also it doesn’t help that these two had THREE last man standing matches in total. See why people got tired of them?

Cena would come back sooner than later and would jump back into the title scene, setting up a threeway between Orton, Cena and HHH at Wrestlemania XXIV.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH vs. John Cena

Cena has a drumline playing him to the ring which is pretty awesome. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Orton immediately blasts HHH with the belt but Cena takes the champion down with a bulldog before Orton can do any more damage. HHH pops back up and throws both guys to the floor before sending Orton into the announce table. Orton and HHH head back in with the champion being put in a sleeper. Cena comes back in and picks them BOTH up at the same time for an FU but both guys slip off the back. Orton’s backbreaker puts HHH down as does a shot to Cena to give the champion control again.

Randy takes turns pounding away on both guys, getting two off a knee drop to the Game. Orton starts getting uncharacteristic for himself by going up top, only to be stopped by Cena. John loads up a superplex but HHH pulls Cena onto his own shoulders so Orton can hit a top rope cross body for two. Cena stands up to try the FU on Orton but Randy slides into a cradle for two. HHH clotheslines Cena down but Orton clotheslines HHH to put HHH down.

It’s Orton standing tall again as he sends both guys to the apron for a double Elevated DDT which gets two on both challengers. An RKO to Cena is countered but he shoves Orton into HHH to put both guys down. Cena hits the Throwback (a flipping face first mat slam) and the top rope Fameasser to keep Randy down. He isn’t down enough for the STFU though and the champion rolls to the floor. Cena follows him and is sent into the post to slow things down again.

Orton and HHH fight it out in the ring with HHH taking out the champion’s knee. Cena comes back in to distract HHH but after the Game puts him down, Orton catches him with an RKO to put him right next to Cena. Orton kicks HHH to the floor but walks into the STFU in the middle of the ring. HHH makes a save at the last second and sends Cena into the floor to put him down on the floor.

Back in and HHH puts on an Indian Deathlock to follow up on the knee work he started earlier. Now it’s Cena back in to break up the hold and send HHH into the corner and out to the floor. Back to the STFU but HHH comes in for the save. The problem is that the save didn’t work, so HHH puts Cena in a Crossface while Cena has Orton in the STFU. Cena lets go of his hold but manages to crawl over to the ropes to break up the hold.

Orton rolls to the floor so HHH and Cena can slug it out in the middle of the ring. The fans boo Cena’s punches and cheer HHH’s, continuing a trend for whomever Cena is facing. Cena slams HHH down and hits the Shuffle but Cena’s FU is countered into a Pedigree attempt which is countered into an STFU attempt this HHH escapes. The spinebuster puts John down and there’s the Pedigree, but Orton comes back in with the Punt to HHH to knock him silly and Orton pins Cena to retain.

Rating: B. This was a fast paced match with all three guys working hard out there in front of a huge crowd. The back and forth stuff worked very well and it wasn’t clear who was going to win until the match was over. Orton getting beaten up and winning while stealing HHH’s pin is perfect for him, as well as giving him the big win on the big stage that he needed.

We’ll jump ahead again due to HHH vs. Orton in 2008 being AWFUL and HHH vs. Orton continuing to be AWFUL in 2009, because those two just had to face each other forever in the main event. We’ll head to Hell in a Cell 2009 as Orton has finally moved over to feuding with John Cena forever instead of HHH FOREVER.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton gets a small face pop again. All right I’ll say it: I love Cena’s theme song and I sing along at times. Cena is champion here and this is Orton’s last shot allegedly. This is the first ever Cell match that HHH or Taker weren’t in. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Orton takes over early and is in control. King offers analysis of what’s going on. Why? He’s never been in one of these things so what kind of knowledge can he have of them?

Crowd is TOTALLY behind Orton here. They’re 3 minutes in and they’ve used the cage FAR more than Taker and Punk did, which isn’t saying much at all really but whatever. They’re using the cage to jump up higher for kicks and getting slammed into it a bit, but the problem is you could use the posts or the apron for everything they’re doing.

The best version ever of the match was Shawn vs. Taker, as Shawn was scared to death of him and couldn’t get out. He was trapped in a nightmare with the devil. That’s the idea of the match. Instead here it’s just a hardcore match in a cage. Now to be fair, just about every match ever in the Cell is like that anymore so it’s hardly a problem that just this match is having.

Cena blocks the elevated DDT onto the steps. No one is keeping control for more than just a little bit which I’m not sure if I like or not. They’re just standing around in a match that’s supposed to be all about violence. What sense does something like that even begin to make? Cena begins his comeback with his usual stuff and I have zero clue why this is in the Cell.

The elevated DDT hits after Orton takes over. The FU gets two and we’re in the kicking out of finishers segment already. Shockingly, an Orton match is going VERY slowly. Orton hits Cena in the neck with a chair! Hey kids! Hit someone in the neck with a chair! It’s on a PG show so it’s all good. Orton has demons? Cool.

I wonder if Vince tells the camera guys to focus on Orton when he’s in crazy mode as it looks like he’s orgasming or something like that. Cena works the knee for like two seconds and Orton tries to get out of the STFU. He gets it again for the tap but the referee was knocked down. What a shame!

RKO gets two. Orton ties Cena up in the ropes for no adequately explored reason. In something that I laughed out loud at, he uses a chinlock while Cena is tied in the ropes. Seriously, why am I not surprised? Orton lets go for no adequately explored reason. He punts Cena and wins the title. The 4 seconds of knee work Cena did earlier was the explanation of why Orton’s punt didn’t put Cena on the shelf. That’s just freaking stupid but whatever.

Rating: D. Again, for a Cell match, this was awful but for a regular match this would have been ok. The Cell use here was better than in the Taker match, but at the same time there just isn’t enough here to validate having the Cell being in play here.

Also having seen it earlier in the night it makes it seem FAR less interesting. The psychology was more or less nonexistent here too. Overall just not good. Keep in mind: had this been a street fight or whatever, it’s probably a B. As for a Cell match though which it was, this was awful.

We’ll skip over 2010 to avoid Nexus, even though face Orton won another World Title at Night of Champions. Instead we’ll move ahead to Wrestlemania 27 and the apex of Orton’s feud with CM Punk and his New Nexus.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

The cylinder from last year is now a cube which still has the videos playing on them. Orton immediately takes it to the floor and pounds away, but Punk jumps over the steps and kicks them into Orton’s knees. Back in and Orton stays on the knees for a quick two count. Punk of course mocks the knee injury before stomping at the legs even more. Randy grabs a quick backbreaker but Punk comes back with a kind of Stunner to the leg for two.

Punk hits the running knee in the corner but Orton falls down before he can hit the bulldog. The straightedge one stays on the knee and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. In a cool bit, Orton tries to pull himself up but Punk drops a top rope knee to take Randy right back down. The GTS is countered but Punk breaks up the RKO with a high kick for two. Punk loads up the Macho Elbow but Orton crotches him down instead. A superplex puts Punk down but the cover is very delayed and only gets two.

Punk wraps the knee around the post a few times and Orton is in big trouble. Off to a modified Indian deathlock for a bit but Orton fights back and slugs Punk down to take over. Punk comes back with a basic kick to the knee and there’s the Anaconda Vice. Orton rolls over and the fans never once seemed nervous about a tap out. CM heads out to the apron and is rammed into the post, followed by the Elevated DDT. Orton loads up the Punt but the knee gives out. Punk heads to the outside and loads up the springboard clothesline but dives right into the RKO for the pin by Randy.

Rating: B. Good solid match here which should have been the end of the feud, but since this is WWE, there was a gimmick rematch the next month because that’s how WWE books feuds. You know, because WRESTLEMANIA isn’t good enough to end a story at. Anyway, very good match here between two guys with solid chemistry together.

Just over a month later, Orton would jump to Smackdown and receive a World Title shot on his first night on the show against new champion Christian.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

This show has flown by it seems. Regarding Christian’s pop, in the words of Riddler from Batman Forever, “Your entrance was good, his was better.” Headlock by Orton to start but Christian gets a shoulder for two. Orton hammers away and the crowd eats it up with a spoon like soup or Jello or pork or other things eaten with a spoon. The champ sends him to the floor and gets a delayed baseball slide to take Orton down, only to be taken down as well as we take a break.

Back in the ring with Orton in total control. Orton works on the ribs and gets a reverse waistlock (looks like he’s about to hit a German) which looks like the cover of a very freaky Christmas card. They hit the floor via a Cactus Clothesline by Orton as we take break #2. Back with Christian holding a chinlock for only a few seconds. Orton gets a belly to back and both guys are down.

They slug it out a bit and Orton hits that gorgeous dropkick to put Christian down. He goes all psycho but Christian gets the pendulum kick in the corner and a middle rope missile dropkick for two. Guillotine over the top sets up a cross body off the top for two for Christian. Fans are way into this. Middle rope elbow (love that move still) hits and let the clapping begin!

For some reason Christian charges at him and gets caught by a powerslam for two. Christian slides to the floor to try a right hand to Randy as he’s in a 619 position but Orton avoids it to hit the elevated DDT for two. Angle Slam is countered into a reverse DDT for two. Slam hits this time and it’s RKO time. Since it’s the first attempt it’s countered as is the Killswitch. Christian goes to the middle rope and tries a spinning something off of it, proving why he’s an idiot as YOU DON’T JUMP AT ORTON! RKO ends the 5 day reign at 10:08 shown of 17:08.

Rating: B. Good match here and Christian definitely looked strong throughout. People are going to complain about the reign looking bad due to it being too short, but at the same time he had two matches and this was by far the weaker one and this was a very good TV match. Orton is a far bigger star and Christian got the reign that everyone wanted him to get. The fanboys will be up in arms over it, but you have to just ignore them as they’ll never be pleased. He got his title, he got his moment, he had two great matches and lost it. No harm no foul in my eyes.

Again we’ll skip 2012 which had almost nothing interesting for the most part as Orton would feud with Ziggler, Del Rio, and the Wellness Policy. Orton would eventually feud with Shield alongside Sheamus and Big Show. The trio would be beaten by Shield at Wrestlemania XXIX, so Orton and Sheamus squared off on Raw the next night. This was nothing short of bizarre and warrants inclusion.

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

They shove each other to start and the fans do an OLE chant. Orton hits a snapmare but Sheamus avoids a knee drop. Sheamus hits a pair of knees for his own for two and starts working on the arm. Orton comes back with another knee to the chest as the match keeps going. Randy hooks a chinlock as the fans think a four minutes old match is boring.

Now Sheamus hooks a chinlock as the announcers talk about going to London in a few weeks for Raw. Now the fans chant for Rob Van Dam. Now it’s HBK. Orton slowly stomps away as the match is completely ignored. The fans are now chanting for JBL as Sheamus gets two off the rolling fireman’s carry. Sheamus goes up top and the fans chant for Lawler. This is BIZARRE. Orton dropkicks Sheamus out of the air and now they’re chanting Cole as we take a break.

Back with the fans chanting what sounded like DDP and then ECW as Sheamus makes a comeback. The Irish Curse hits for two as the crowd is doing the Wave. JBL: “I wish Michael would drown in it.” Sheamus hits his knee to the ribs and the ten forearms in the ropes as the fans suddenly start cheering along. A suplex brings Orton back in as Sheamus is smiling. Orton’s backbreaker puts Sheamus as we get a Randy Savage chant. Even the announcers are giving up at this point.

The powerslam and t-bone suplex put Sheamus down as the HBK chant starts again. There’s the Elevated DDT and Orton loads up the RKO, only to be shoved off into White Noise. I think the fans are booing Sheamus but how can you tell in this match? The Brogue Kick misses and here comes Big Show as I think everyone knew was about to happen. He throws Sheamus into the post, presumably ending the match at 15:10. Fans: “Thank you Big Show.”

Rating: N/A. I have almost no idea what happened in this match but the crowd stole the show here. The thing I don’t get is that while the match was slow paced, it wasn’t THAT bad. This is a case where the fans just did not care what was going on and found ways to entertain themselves. I’ve never seen anything like this but it was awesome in a way. For an actual grade, we’ll go roughly C- or so.

We’ll head back to reality now as Orton is in the Money in the Bank match at the PPV of the same name.

CM Punk vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Christian vs. Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

RVD, Bryan and Punk get good reactions but the fans aren’t impressed with the others. Everyone goes after RVD to start and knock him to the floor. The remaining four go after Sheamus before pairing off themselves. We’re quickly down to Bryan vs. Punk and the fans go nuts in a hurry. Van Dam is knocked off the apron and into a ladder as the two stars go at it. Bryan almost botches the backflip but counters the GTS into a YES Lock attempt, only to have everyone not named RVD make the save with a ladder.

Van Dam is back in now to clean house and pose a bit. Some baseball slides drop Punk and Sheamus before Rob drops Christian onto a ladder. Rolling Thunder onto Bryan onto the ladder takes Daniel out but it’s Orton sending Van Dam to the floor. Rob kicks him down and loads up the Five Star onto Orton onto the ladder but Christian breaks it up with a short ladder. Christian loses a fight to Sheamus over a full sized ladder but Van Dam breaks up the pale one’s climb with Sheamus landing on the ladder on the way down.

Sheamus is up almost immediately and rams various people into the barricade before bridging a ladder between the apron and the announce table. Bryan escapes a powerbomb through the ladder and hits a running knee to the face from the apron. Punk is loading up a ladder but Orton makes the save. Another ladder is brought in and all six climb up on two ladders with the briefcase being knocked away. All six fall down and Orton is holding his knee.

It’s Sheamus on his feet first and cleaning house before going up, only to be caught by Bryan. We get the ten forearms on the top of the ladder but Punk stops Sheamus from pulling down the case. Sheamus and Punk slug it out in the corner but Punk hits the running knee to take him down, followed by riding the ladder down onto his back. Orton comes back in and suplexes Punk into the ladder followed by the Elevated DDT.

Christian comes back in and spears Randy down but Van Dam knocks him off the ladder. The fans of course want tables as Christian goes up again. Van Dam is cut on the forehead. They both go up but Van Dam jumps to another ladder as Christian falls. The splash off the top of the ladder crushes Christian but Sheamus shoves Rob off the ladder. Bryan is back in to kick both of them before going into his usual insane rush.

He throws Sheamus THROUGH a ladder and goes up top…..but Curtis Axel of all people comes out with a chair to beat him down. He lays Bryan out with his finisher on the floor but walks into a GTS. Heyman comes out to yell at Axel because he wants Punk to win. CM starts a very slow climb while holding his neck….and Heyman of course screws him by ramming another ladder into him. Punk is busted open BAD and here’s Van Dam going up the ladder, only to have Orton make the save with an RKO. Orton pulls down the case to win at 26:31.

Rating: B-. Well that happened. Seriously that’s about all there is to it. Everyone was about the same but the winner wasn’t terribly obvious for most of the match. It wasn’t bad or anything but you expect more when you have this level of talent in the match. At the end of the day though there was no hatred between these guys and that makes for a duller match. The Heyman stuff was pretty obvious but it sets up Lesnar vs. Punk at Summerslam.

Orton would cash in at Summerslam and turn heel in the process. This would make him champion heading into the end of the year, where he would feud with Cena to be unified champion. The unification match was held at TLC 2013.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

TLC match, winner take all. They have a ton of time to used for this too. Naturally we get big match intros and we’re ready to go. They head into the corner to start and Cena grabs a headlock. The wrestling gets boring though and we get our first ladder and table with the wooden one being set up in the corner. Orton escapes an AA through the table and heads to the floor for a chair. Cena can’t avoid the shot to the back and Randy is in control.

They head outside again but Orton misses a chair shot and hits the post, allowing Cena to pick up the chair. A series of chair shots puts Orton down and John loads up another table on the floor. The distraction lets Orton send him into the steps to take over again as the dueling Cena chants begin. Orton tries to climb but Cena makes a fast save. The ladder is thrown to the floor and Orton headbutts him down. Some kicks to the ribs have Cena in trouble but he comes back with knees and right hands, only to walk into the powerslam.

Randy brings in another ladder but gets it rammed into his ribs, allowing Cena to climb. Orton quickly suplexes him down but misses a ladder shot, sending the ladder to the floor. That’s fine with Orton though as he cracks Cena in the back with a chair before wedging it into the corner. Cena blocks the shot into the chair and comes back with his finishing sequence, only to have Orton poke him in the eye and send him into the chair. Another ladder is brought in but Cena makes yet another save.

They both fight on the ladder until Cena throws Orton over the top and through the table. He can’t climb that fast though and Orton pulls him down for an RKO. Both guys are down again but it’s Cena up first with a clothesline to send him to the floor. Cena blasts Orton in the head with the steps and Randy might be busted a little bit. John brings in another table, giving us two tables in opposite corners. With all of the metal stuff at ringside, Orton hits Cena in the head with the microphone to take over again.

Orton loads up the announce table but instead clears out a path to Cena. John avoids the Punt though and catches Orton in an AA through the table to put both guys down again. Cena very slowly gets back in and grabs both belts without pulling them down. Instead it’s Orton shoving the ladder away to leave Cena hanging, allowing Orton a free shot with the chair. Cena comes right back with a spear through one of the tables and both guys are down again.

Randy heads outside again and starts peeling back the mats to find some hidden handcuffs. Cena gets tied to the bottom rope and Orton teases him with the key. This didn’t work at Breaking Point but call backs to old matches are usually fun. Cena tries to break the chain as Orton goes to pick up the big ladder for some shots to Cena’s ribs.

Randy goes back inside as Cena beats on the cuffs with a chair to no avail. Cena pulls hard enough to rip the bottom rope off and go up to knock Orton off the ladder but he only has one free arm due to the rope. Orton grabs the rope and uses the power of gravity to pull Cena down, sending him head first into the table which DOESN’T BREAK. That looked bad. Orton goes up again and pulls down both titles for the surprise win at 24:35.

Rating: B. I liked the match and the ropes idea was good, but that ending came out of nowhere. Given how badly Cena’s head went into that table, I wouldn’t be shocked if he had an actual injury. Orton winning makes more sense but I’m kind of shocked it was clean. Well as clean as you can get in a TLC match of course. Good stuff here but the ending leaves a lot of doors open.

I’m a big Orton fan and have been for a long time. I know he may not be the most interesting wrestler in the world but the guy is capable of having good matches with almost anyone. Yeah he gets repetitive a lot, but he has an awesome finisher and has figured out his character perfectly. He’ll be around for several more years and will win a ton more World Titles, as he deserves to do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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50. Scott Steiner

49. Joel Gertner

48. Jimmy Valiant

47. Zeb Colter

46. New Jack

45. Grand Wizard

44. Brian Pillman

43. JBL

42. Thunderbolt Patterson

41. The Miz

40. Kevin Sullivan

39. William Regal

38. Taz

37. Stephanie McMahon

36. Ernie Ladd

35. Kurt Angle

34. Bray Wyatt

33. Rick Rude

32. Gary Hart

31. Ultimate Warrior

30. Michael PS Hayes

29. Nick Bockwinkle

28. Raven

27. Jesse Ventura

26. Jerry Lawler

25. Ted DiBiase

24. Terry Funk

23. Shawn Michaels

22. Harley Race

21. Edge

20. Captain Lou Albano

19. HHH

18. Randy Savage

17. Jim Cornette

16. CM Punk

15. Arn Anderson

14. Billy Graham

13. Vince McMahon

12. John Cena

11. Jake Roberts

10. Chris Jericho

9. Hulk Hogan

8. Bobby Heenan

7. Mick Foley

6. Paul Heyman

5. Dusty Rhodes

4. Steve Austin

3. Roddy Piper

2. The Rock

1. Ric Flair

I’m really not feeling Flair as #1 but this is WWE so ALL HAIL FLAIR. Cena not being in the top ten is highly questionable and I’d put Jericho above Dusty.

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Other than late 96-early 98, there weren’t many times at all where WCW was clearly in the lead.  Actually, there’s an argument to be made that WCW was NEVER firmly in the lead aside from that year and a half or so.  Other than that it was either even or a lead that could have gone either way.  At the end of the day, it’s almost always been the WWF’s world, at least since Hogan won the title.

It’s appropriate this time of year: today is Mike Rotunda, more commonly known as IRS.

Tag Titles: Mike Rotunda/Barry Windham vs. The Spoiler/The Assassin

Both challengers are in masks. Windham is YOUNG here. Spoiler is a semi-famous guy from the 80s and Assassin is a generic masked dude. Rotunda and Spoiler start us off….and then Windham hits a bulldog to end this in maybe 30 seconds. Well I did say get us to the ending so maybe they’re listening.

The Express would drop the titles to the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff at the first Wrestlemania, setting up a six man tag at the first Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff/George Steele vs. Mike Rotunda/Barry Windham/Ricky Steamboat

That’s quite the face tag team. This was on the SNME DVD (kick ass DVD that should certainly be picked up if you can find it. Awesome stuff on it) as an extra. Blassie is with the heels and Albano is with the faces. The two foreigners had taken the tag titles from the US Express at Wrestlemania for a token tag title change.

About a year prior to this, the US Express had been using Real American for their theme music. That went to Hogan of course and here they use Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen which works like a charm for them as it’s perfect. We start with Windham and Steele which is an odd matchup if there ever has been one.

Sheik was hitting the end of whatever usefulness that he had at this point. Rotundo would soon head to WCW and become a member of the Varsity Club, ending in an awesome moment with Rick Steiner taking the TV Title from him after months of being talked down to by him. Wow what a tangent that was.

Oh and he’s more commonly known as I.R.S. Oddly enough the faces dominate early on. We go to commercial with the faces dominating. We begin the awesome SNME tradition of not having action during commercials so we don’t have to be all confused about how we got to a point during a break.

Wow there are four hall of fame wrestlers in here and two on the floor. That’s rather impressive, especially considering that the two that aren’t in there are two of the three most talented. Steele comes in and his teammates abandon him, allowing Windham to get a quick rollup for the pin. Steele eats a turnbuckle and the tag champions beat him up. That doesn’t last long as Albano comes in to calm him down and Steele is a face.

Rating: C-. Eh this was fine. It wasn’t meant to be anything special other than a way to get Steele out of the dark side, but the heel offense consisted of about four Volkoff punches and other than that it was a complete squash. I don’t get why it was so one sided, but it did its job and wasn’t bad at all so for the first match in show history this was perfectly fine.

The team would split up due to Windham having a meltdown but they would hook up again in the AWA at Wrestlerock 1986.

Fabulous Ones vs. Barry Windham/Mike Rotunda

The Fabulous Ones are Steve (Skinner) Keirn and Sweet Stan Lane. The guest announcer here is another radio guy which is the case with the vast majority of them. Windham vs. Lane starts things off. The crowd has filled in a lot and it looks much better. Feeling out process to start as Barry grabs a headlock. This is back when Windham was awesome and in shape so he’s fun to watch.

Off to Rotunda and the arm work (I’m as shocked as you are) begins. Lane tries to escape a hammerlock but gets kneed in the arm instead. Back to Barry who cranks on the arm some more. Off to Keirn who is armdragged right back down. Back to Mike who works a top wristlock. Barry comes in quickly for a chinlock. Keirn tries a leapfrog but gets punched in the face for his efforts. You can’t say Barry is over complicating things.

Windham/Rotunda hit a double dropkick and Keirn is in trouble. Mike misses a corner charge and the heels take over. Things break down quickly but Rotunda can’t make a tag. After a long beating by Lane it’s back to Keirn. Lane comes in for a neckbreaker but misses an elbow. There’s the tag to Barry after a short heat segment. Powerslam gets two on Stan.

The Ones cheat again and Barry gets caught in a chinlock. We’re ten minutes into this and it hasn’t really kicked into high gear yet, which is a shame given what you have to work with here. Barry grabs a small package on Lane for two. Off to Rotunda who speeds things up and gets two on Lane. There’s an airplane spin for two. Lane backdrops him and sets for a piledriver but Barry comes off the top with an elbow to the back of the head, giving Rotunda the pin.

Rating: C. Not a great match or anything here but it was ok I guess. They never cranked this up as high as they could and that really hurt it. Also the lack of any reason for these teams or wrestlers in any match for that matter to want to fight each other is really bringing things down. If they don’t care, why should I care?

It was soon off to the NWA where Mike would turn heel and win the TV Title. He held the belt for nearly a year before losing it to Rick Steiner at Starrcade 1989. Here’s the rematch from Chi-Town Rumble a month later.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Mike Rotundo

This is the Starrcade rematch but the heat isn’t on it anymore as Steiner won the title. However there’s now the added issue of dealing with Rotundo’s Varsity Club’s teammates. Let’s go to Rick Steiner to see how he plans to deal with that. Rick brings in his brother as Scott Steiner debuts. Scott mentions that Rick is out there like he is (including talking to a puppet named Alex) because of a bad car wreck they were in a few years ago.

Rotundo is out there alone so Rick looks a bit odd having his brother there. Rick takes over to start, hitting what we would call an AA to frustrate Rotundo. This is going to be a very technical match. Mike gets sent to the floor again as Rick is controlling early but he hasn’t done anything major. Rotundo fires off a European uppercut but Steiner takes over again, this time with a headlock.

Steiner hits something but the camera is on someone in the crowd so we don’t see what gets the two count. We’re about six minutes into this and nothing has happened so far. Well at least nothing of note. They’ve been doing more than standing around for that whole time. Off to an abdominal stretch and Scott tries to get the referee to notice Rotindo’s cheating. They go to the mat and Rotundo hammers away with crossfaces.

Off to an armbar as this is a very slow paced match. It’s not bad but it’s slow. Rick hits a monkey flip to get a breather and a knee lift for two. A top rope splash (???) misses for the champ and we head outside. Back in and Rick snaps off a powerslam for two. And here’s Kevin Sullivan, talking about Rick’s dog in the back so Steiner goes after him. Back in Rotundo gets a suplex for two. Steiner pounds away in the corner with five minutes to go and there’s a sleeper. Steiner goes to the mat with it but loses focus with Rotundo on top so that Steiner gets pinned while holding on to the sleeper.

Rating: C+. Pretty creative ending there and it plays to the idea that Steiner isn’t all there but he’s trying. The Steiners would start teaming up soon after this and would become the best team WCW ever produced. Not a great match here but the pacing was good enough to give us something else that we didn’t see that often.

Rotunda would remain part of the Varsity Club heel team and team with Steve Williams to challenge the Road Warriors for the World Tag Team Titles at Clash of the Champions VI.

World Tag Team Titles: Varsity Club vs. Road Warriors

The Road Warriors are defending and the Club (Rotunda/Williams here) has also lost the US Tag Team Titles to Rick Steiner/Eddie Gilbert recently. Hawk grabs a headlock on Rotunda to stat but gets hiptossed down in a surprising power display from Mike. Back in and it’s Animal cleaning house with slams. Williams comes in for a showdown with Hawk and takes him down with a clothesline before it’s back to Mike. Animal gets the tag and has to backflip out of a double belly to back suplex but charges into a backdrop to the floor.

Williams goes outside with Animal and picks him up in a great looking spinebuster (called a bearhug slam by Hayes which is as good of a description as he could have used). Back in and we get an actual bearhug on Animal to work on the ribs. Rotunda comes in again and hooks an abdominal stretch. Animal is tossed outside and blasted with a chair as the referee is with Hawk.

Williams gets two off a spinebuster but charges into a boot, allowing Animal to tag in Hawk. Mike gets destroyed with power offense but Williams breaks up a cover. Everything breaks down and the referee gets bumped just before the Doomsday Device (Animal puts Rotunda on his shoulders so Hawk can clothesline him from the top rope) crushes Mike. Referee Teddy Long refuses to count but Williams sneaks in with a rollup on Hawk. Teddy DIVES over and counts to three in maybe half a second to give the Varsity Club the titles.

Rating: D+. The ending was more of an angle than a wrestling moment which is fine but the story here was why this happened. The Road Warriors were basically unbeatable in a regular match that there was no way to have them lose a clean fall. Teddy Long would be banned from being a referee for life but would quickly come back as a manager.

After the Club split up, Rotunda would become Captain Mike Rotunda, a boating enthusiast. Why? Because WCW of course. Here’s one of his matches from Great American Bash 1990.

Iron Sheik vs. Mike Rotunda

Uh….sure? Sheik jumps him to start and rips Mike’s jacket off. MY GOODNESS Sheik has a beer belly and a half on him. Mike grabs a fast sunset flip for two. Rotunda speeds things up and sends Sheik to the floor where JR calls him a terrorist. Back in now and they slug it out with Sheik keeping control. The abdominal stretch goes on but Sheik gets caught cheating to break the hold. Rotunda fights back and they slug it out. Sheik throws him to the floor to keep this match going. He suplexes Mike back in and gets pinned by a backslide.

Rating: D. Again, what was the point of this? Nothing of note happened at all and there was no point in having either guy on the card. Does anyone remember Sheik in WCW? I certainly don’t, but somehow he got paid for a full year because WCW forgot to stop his contract from being renewed. And you wonder why they went out of business.

Rotunda would jump to the WWF in 1991 and become his most famous character: IRS, a tax collector. IRS and Ted DiBiase would team up as Money Inc. and win the Tag Team Titles in early 1992 from the Legion of Doom in a match that wasn’t taped for TV. Here’s a title defense from Wrestlemania VIII.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.

I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.

Money Inc. would dominate the division for over a year and hold the titles going into arguably IRS’ biggest match ever at Wrestlemania IX.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Jimmy Hart is with the challengers because of how the champions hurt Beefcake. Hogan and Beefcake clear the ring while the music is still playing as the match begins. The champions stall on the floor for awhile until we get down to Beefcake (in a red/yellow mask) vs. I.R.S. The tax dude immediately goes for the face and it’s off to DiBiase for more of the same. DiBiase hits a middle rope ax handle to the mask and injures himself in the process. Ted continues to act way dumber than he is by ramming the mask into the buckle. So why did the punches work earlier?

Beefcake rams DiBiase’s head into the buckle instead and in the match we should have gotten five years ago, it’s Hogan vs. DiBiase. Ten punches in the corner put Ted down so Hogan pounds on the mat a bit. Off to Beefcake for a slam before it’s back to hogan for more punching. DiBiase ducks low and is immediately punched in the face again. I.R.S. comes in again and is punched by both Maniacs. All challengers so far.

The champions try to walk out but Finkus Maximus (remember the Roman theme) says that if they leave, they lose the titles. They get back in and the fans are chanting for Hogan. Ted goes for the throat to finally take over and I.R.S. chokes away a bit from the floor. More choking by DiBiase ensues before he cranks it up with the Million Dollar Dream. Savage: “They’re hanging from the rafter! Well they would if they had rafters. They have columns here and they’re hanging from them!”

I.R.S. tries to interfere for some reason but it allows Beefcake to come in with his own sleeper and put DiBiase out to break the hold and buy Hogan a breather. Hogan pops up and the double tag brings in Schyster to face Beefcake. An atomic drop puts Ted on the floor but the tax dude gets in a shot to Beefcake’s back to take over. Dibiase comes back in and rips the mask off of Brutus’ face so the champions can work over the face.

Beefcake comes back with a double clothesline out of nowhere but instead of tagging he puts I.R.S. in the sleeper. Ted breaks it up but the referee is bumped in the process. Hogan comes in like a hero and hits both guys with the steel mask but there’s no referee. What else do you do in this situation? You have Jimmy Hart turn his jacket inside out so it has white and black stripes and have him count then CELEBRATE LIKE YOU WON THE FREAKING BELTS. Another referee comes out to explain to Hogan how stupid he is and give Money Inc. the win by DQ.

Rating: D+. The match was ok at best but the ending is so dumb that I can barely comprehend it. I mean…..HOW STUPID CAN HOGAN POSSIBLY BE??? The guy has been around for nearly ten years and he thinks that would actually work? The match was just ok as it was mainly choking and punching for the first half, which is decent but nothing mind blowing. Then the ending sucked the life out of my brain which is normal for Hogan a lot of the time.

Lots of posing ensues but then the Maniacs open Money Inc.’s briefcase. They find tax forms, cash, and a brick. Heenan: “Well you never know when you’re gonna need a brick.” Hogan gives the money away and Heenan is suddenly a huge fan.

IRS would get a rare singles match at Summerslam 1993 against an upcoming star in the 1-2-3 Kid.

I.R.S. vs. 1-2-3 Kid

The Kid is relatively new at this point, having shocked the world by beating Razor Ramon in May. He also beat IRS’ partner DiBiase recently so IRS is here for revenge and to stop the Kid’s lucky streak. The Kid is launched into the air and bounces off the mat for early control but he dropkicks IRS out of the air on a second attempt. Nice psychology there, but IRS knocks him to the floor a few seconds later.

Kid comes back in with a sunset flip for two but gets caught in an abdominal stretch to drag the match out even longer. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Kid takes him to the corner for some kicks and a moonsault press for two. A side roll gets two as Heenan is losing his mind. Kid dropkicks him down for two more, but IRS hits a flying clothesline for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. What in the world was that? The Kid had been undefeated since May and you have him lose to a jobber to the stars in IRS? I don’t get the thinking here at all and it would continue to make little sense as the Kid would only lose one more singles match this year, and not again until next June. Yet he loses to IRS here? I don’t get it.

IRS would get a very rare title match at the 1994 Royal Rumble against Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon.

Intercontinental Title: IRS vs. Razor Ramon

Guess who is defending here. JR and Gorilla Monsoon do commentary for this match. IRS goes on a big rant about how evil the crowd here is for not paying their taxes, even though they have about three months left to file. Razor goes off on IRS to start, knocking him out to the floor. IRS comes back with some forearms but Razor punches him right back down to take over again.

Ramon hits a bunch of basic stuff like atomic drops and clotheslines for some two counts, but IRS ducks under a clothesline to send Razor out to the floor. Back in and IRS goes up but jumps into a boot. For one of the only times I can EVER remember this happening, IRS avoids the foot and drops an elbow for two instead. WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO DO???

We hit the chinlock for well over a minute before Razor fights up and hits the fallaway slam. The referee gets knocked out in the corner and IRS grabs his briefcase, only for Razor to take it back and clock him in the head with it. No referee though, so Razor loads up a belly to back superplex. There’s still no referee, so Razor sets for the Edge, only to have Shawn run out and clock him with the fake IC Title. IRS finally wakes up and pins Razor for the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but the overbooking hurt it a lot. This should have lasted about three minutes less and it would have been a lot better. Oddly enough I don’t remember IRS being champion at all, but then again this is the remastered version so maybe they really cleaned things up.

Or maybe another referee comes out to explain the interference and the match is restarted. Razor hits the Edge to retain.

He would find himself in the King of the Ring later that year again against a future tournament winner.

First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Donovan wonders if IRS is one of the wrestlers. This is depressing. If nothing else, Rotunda had this gimmick down to the absolute T. Is Oscar like the grandfather of R-Truth or something? Oh dang it my video skips back a bit and I have to watch the intro twice. Gorilla shouts HO which just isn’t right at all as my childhood innocence (yes I still have some) is scarred forever.

Donovan asks for Mabel’s name. 14 seconds later he gets an answer. Oh, Mabel beat Pierre and IRS beat Scott Steiner. Wow that’s just odd indeed. Donovan says this match isn’t fair. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? He actually gets a somewhat decent line in by saying he thought the guy in the white suit (Oscar) was there to take IRS to the hospital. Eh ok I guess that’s not bad.

He follows that up with this gem: “And you guys enjoy doing this?” He’s referring to being in the ring, but that’s never specified and it sounds like he’s saying he’s miserable doing the announcing. Again, there’s no mention of Savage having tournament experience for no apparent reason. He won the biggest tournament of all time so wouldn’t it make sense to point that out for younger viewers who aren’t sure who Savage is?

IRS goes for a slam and Mabel counters it with a small package. Yes, that’s what happened and I’m not on any medication or foreign substances other than some grape juice. Mabel starts to dominate, but he goes to the middle rope and misses an elbow. IRS grabs his leg without actually hooking it and while Mabel rolls around on the mat with his arms going up into the air, he gets the three anyway. This was just out there.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. For one thing, IRS’ finisher is a clothesline. Mabel somehow wasn’t at his worst here as he could still move a bit, but the styles just completely contrasted here and it bombed badly. The ending sucked too as it just didn’t look right at all. It needed to be about a minute long but it was five and a half times that long so there we are.

It was soon back to the teaming as IRS would join the recently retired Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team. They would open up Summerslam 1994.

Headshrinkers vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/I.R.S.

Bigelow and IRS are part of DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team. This was originally going to be for the belts but the Samoans lost the titles last night. The production values have been upgraded by this show as we now have logos for every team/wrestler in the aisle as they come to the ring. The Headshrinkers have Afa and Lou Albano with them which I believe was Albano’s last managing job in the company.

Bigelow runs over Fatu to start but misses a charge and walks into a superkick for two. A slam doesn’t work on Bigelow so he comes back with an enziguri. That shouldn’t work on Fatu and thankfully he rolls away from the diving headbutt. Off to Samu for a double superkick but the Samoan misses a charge, allowing for the tag off to IRS. Now it’s the tax man’s turn to miss a charge in the corner and fall outside where Samu sends him into the steps. Back in and Fatu stays on IRS until Bigelow pulls the top rope down to send Fatu out to the floor.

The Million Dollar Team takes over on Fatu but a double clothesline puts he and Bigelow down. A double tag brings in Samu to face IRS as things break down a bit. A middle rope headbutt gets two on IRS and Bigelow is clotheslined out to the floor. IRS takes a double Stroke and Fatu adds the top rope splash but DiBiase has the referee. Bigelow goes after Albano which draws in Afa for the DQ.

Rating: D+. A DQ? In the opening match? 1994 was an odd year for this company. The match wasn’t bad but the lack of the titles being on the line brought the level of interest way down. Without that it was a Superstars main event which is ok, but the Headshrinkers were never in any real trouble at all and it wasn’t much to see.

The Million Dollar Team would feud with Undertaker for several years, including this from Royal Rumble 1995.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This is the start of the Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Team feud which went on FOREVER. The bell rings and we stand around a lot. IRS tries to jump Taker from behind and it goes nowhere. Taker glares him down to the floor and the stalling continues. IRS slides in, gets glared down, and hides on the floor again. Finally we head back in with IRS pounding away and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Taker grabs him by the tie and swings him out of the corner, followed by Old School as this is dominance so far. IRS and DiBiase get in an argument on the floor, causing DiBiase to call for some druids. Taker loads up Old School again but the druid shakes the rope and Taker goes down. A clothesline puts Taker on the floor where he beats on the druids a bit before IRS jumps him from behind.

The druids send Taker into the steps and there’s an abdominal stretch by IRS. That goes nowhere so Taker misses an elbow to really slow himself down. IRS hits some basic stuff as the crowd is almost completely silent. Druid interference gets two for IRS and also allows him to escape the Tombstone. A clothesline puts Taker down but he pops up and hits a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. At the end of the day, this was about thirteen minutes of Taker beating up IRS. I mean….did ANYONE buy IRS as a threat to the Dead Man here? That was the problem with the eight month long feud between Taker and DiBiase’s group: no one on the team was a real threat to him at all. Bad match here but that had to be expected.

It was soon back to WCW where things would go downhill fast as IRS would become VK Wallstreet, a parody of Vince McMahon. He would however get a few big matches in, including this one from May 13, 1996 on Nitro.

VK Wallstreet vs. Ric Flair

It’s IRS if you’re not familiar. Kevin Greene is mentioned and yeah we really do have to do Great American Bash in awhile. Blast it. Liz looks great in short black leather dresses. Heel vs. heel here which is always kind of weird. Technical stuff to start us off and Wallstreet is wrestling face for the most part here. Flair heads to the floor to stall and back in gets his leg worked over by Wallstreet as we take a break.

Back with Wallstreet hammering away which is really surprising. Who in the world is VK Wallstreet that he gets to hammer away on Ric Flair??? Wasn’t Flair world champion the previous week? Powerslam gets two. Sunset flip and backslide both get two and Flair hits the floor. And then VK rams his own knee into the post and you can measure this in seconds now. Figure Four goes on, the girls help, we’re done.

Rating: C+. This was more competitive than it had any right to be and that’s always a good sign. Flair was still more than able to go at this point and the match showed off as a good result. I don’t get why VK Wallstreet of all people was thrown in there but they were trying I guess. Fun little match and better than expected.

Wallstreet would even get a little feud against Konnan, resulting in this match on Nitro from December 30, 1996.

Mr. Wallstreet vs. Konnan

This is the touch the corners variety. Wallstreet, who has no issues with Konnan, jumps him and whips Konnan down. Konnan does the get the strap between the other guy’s legs and pull spot. We get the same finish that you almost always get for this: Wallstreet drags him around, Konnan hits it at the same time, Konnan dives to win it. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS??? It lasted like two minutes and there was no issue between these two.

Wallstreet would join the NWO before going to Japan for a few years. He would however come back in 1999 to reform the Varsity Club for no apparent reason. Here’s their big match from Starrcade 1999.

Jim Duggan/???/???/??? vs. Revolution

Oh and if Duggan loses, the Revolution has to do his janitor job for thirty days, but if Duggan loses he has to renounce his citizenship on Nitro. Duggan’s partners are…..the Varsity Club. Yes, the same three guys (Rick Steiner, Kevin Sullivan and Mike Rotundo) from 1988 are back again for absolutely no apparent reason. Instead of Shane in the match, it’s WCW’s version of WWF bodybuilding chick Chyna, named Asya. Get the joke? Also Benoit isn’t here because of the US Title match later tonight.

Duggan wants to start the match himself so he sticks his tongue out at the Varsity Club. Saturn starts for the Revolution and gets pounded down by Duggan so it’s Malenko’s turn. Jim beats him down as well with the Three Point Clothesline but he doesn’t seem interested in tagging. The Varsity Club yells at him and you can feel the heel turn coming from here. Saturn comes in again with a springboard missile dropkick to take Duggan down.

The Revolution takes turns beating on Duggan in the corner as this is rapidly going nowhere. Dean hits him with the Revolution flag and even Asya gets in some shots of her own. The Varsity Club finally gets bored of standing on the apron and everything breaks down. To the shock of no one paying attention, the former heel stable turns on Duggan and lays him out, allowing Douglas to come in and steal the pin.

Rating: D. As predicted, no one knew who the Varsity Club was so no one cared when they turned on him. Why Duggan would pick them as partners is beyond me, but as mentioned he wasn’t that bright. This was a waste of Malenko and Saturn, which is a big part of why the bailed to the WWF along with Guerrero and Benoit in about a month.

Rotunda would head back to Japan for a few years before retiring. However, we’ll wrap it up with a joke that has a great payoff from the 15th Anniversary Special episode of Raw on December 10, 2007.

15th Anniversary Battle Royal

THE FINK does the intros. We’ve got Al Snow, Bart Gunn (man, where did they drag him out of?), DOINK THE CLOWN, Repo Man, Steve Blackman (in far better shape than he ever was when he was a regular), Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse, BOB FREAKING BACKLUND (58 years old here and looking to be in better shape than most of the roster), Gangrel, Goon, Skinner, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter and Gillberg, who gets a full entrance with guards and pyro sticks and canned chants. That’s AWESOME. This is supposed to be a 15 man battle royal but there are 16 in it. Eh who cares?

Gillberg is ganged up on and tossed immediately. Backlund is out quickly and the point of this isn’t who wins but is just for fun. A Head shot by Snow puts Doink out. Same for Gangrel. HEAD CHEESE EXPLODES!!! Skinner is called a fabulous one (haha) and there go Bart, Flash and Blackman. Repo Man puts Goon out and Skinner puts Repo out. Final Four are Slaughter, IRS, Skinner and Scotty. IRS gets his briefcase but gets it knocked into his face so we can see the Worm. Skinner puts Scotty out but walks into the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter dumps Skinner but IRS dumps Slaughter in the same ending from X7?s Gimmick Battle Royal.

BUT WAIT! Here’s Ted DiBiase, who is officially in the battle royal also. However, he says that IRS has his price so IRS dives over the top, making DiBiase the winner! And that my friends, is why Ted DiBiase is better than your favorite heel. We even get the evil laugh! The match isn’t worth rating because that’s not the point. The ending made me smile a lot though.

Rotunda isn’t a guy who had a lot of success in the ring but he was a solid midcard hand over the years. Time has tried to make IRS into a stupid 90s gimmick but it was really a decent gimmick and did what it was supposed to do. Rotunda was never going to be World Champion but not everyone is cut out to be.

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