Top 5 Wrestling Games

Wrestling video games are great for your imagination, to take your favorite wrestler on the champions path just like on TV, so here are the top 5 wrestling games.

There are many wrestling games that offer hours of fun with some of the greatest wrestlers in the world like Hulk Hogan, Brock Lesnar, The Rock, Stone Cold, the Undertaker and all the other legends. I remember my favorite from the 1990s that I played on my Sega Genesis. It was called WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game, and featured Yokozuna, The Undertaker, Bret Hart, Doink the Clown, Bam Bam Bigelow etc. It was an awesome game for that time, and a timeless classic now if you are into old school gaming consoles. So, in respect to that, here are the top 5 wrestling games.

 

Hulkamania

Let’s start the list with a legendary casino game featuring Hulk Hogan. You can find this slot today at online casinos, even though now the majority have 3D online slots. You can play it at gaming sites where Endemol games can be found where usually there are games from NetEnt too, which is great because promotions at NetEnt casinos are the best.

You will love this slot game if you want to play casino games. With each spin you get the excitement and fun that only Hulk Hogan is able to convey. The soundtrack is awesome and you get to see Hogan do his displays for which he is known. You got to try this unique game even if you don’t like slots.

 

WWE ‘13

Let’s get on to the PC games. WWE ’13 has an awesome gameplay. Even though it’s from 2013, it will remain as a classic for future generations of gamers. The wrestlers used are some of the best wrestlers from the attitude era like British Bulldog, The Road Warriors, Ken Shamrock and The New Age Outlaws just to name a few. The game play is incredible and with each move you will be left saying ‘OMG, OMG’. You can even break the ring just like Big Show and Brock Lesnar did in real life.

 

wwe13

 

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns

If you want a wrestling game that is not based on normal tactics or button mashing, this one is the right one. It has a different system that is based on strategic and strict timing game play. Some find this painfully difficult to learn, but once you figure it out you’ll play it all day long. Sadly, this game doesn’t have the big WWE names, but it has a great customization mode with which you can make hundreds of different wrestlers. It also has great death match modes.

 

WWF No Mercy

Here is a true old school gem that many wrestling fans consider the best of the best. It had one of the best rosters that no other WWF game has ever had. All of the wrestlers are from the mid 2000 period with some of the best attitude era guys. It had some of the most amazing options to create wrestlers and you could even create female ones. Truly an amazing game, with very cheesy music and long entrances, which some consider the biggest cons of this game.

 

No Mercy

 

WWE Smackdown Here Comes The Pain

There is no wrestling game as Here Comes the Pain. It literally stands out in every aspect. The roster includes Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, The Rock, Stone Cold and other major legends and there is an insane story mode to go through. You could start one story mode and it always branched out to hundred different ones. You could play this game for months and still have a unique experience. There is no way in which this game can be conveyed with words. You simply have to try it. You can have different feuds between different wrestlers, you can talk backstage etc. It’s amazing.

 

HCTP




Hulkamania Turns 30

Thirty years ago today, Hulk Hogan defeated the Iron Sheik to win the WWF Title for the first time.  This is the birth of modern wrestling as Hogan changed everything about the business with one legdrop and never looked back.  Here’s the entire show, which oddly enough didn’t have the title match go last.

WWF House Show
Date: January 23, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 26,292
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Pat Patterson

I don’t have the proper words to explain what this show means to wrestling. It’s the night that changed everything and gave birth to modern wrestling. Here, we have the new WWF World Champion the Iron Sheik defending against the breakout star of Rocky III, Hulk Hogan. Obviously everyone knows the ending to this (they should as the match has been included on at least eight WWF tapes/DVDs) and it’s one of the matches everyone should see at least once. Let’s get to it.

Jose Luis Rivera vs. Tony Garea

Feeling out process to start as I think this is face vs. face here. Garea works on the arm to start and they hit the mat for a bit. Both guys trade headscissors and head locks to control with Rivera finally controlling. Tony gets a quick cross body for two before hooking an armbar to slow things down again. Jose tries to fight out and even slams Tony but can’t break the armbar.

Rivera grabs a quick two off a rollup and they circle each other a bit more. Somehow we’re still feeling each other out after five minutes. There’s nothing going on so we look at a replay of the rollup. Rivera kind of messes up a backdrop then tries a dropkick as Garea tries a backdrop. Since things like dropkicks and backdrops are too complex, it’s back to the armbars. Out of nowhere, Rivera tries a spinning cross body out of the corner but Garea rolls through and gets a kind of fast count for the pin.

Rating: C-. Technically this was fine but that doesn’t make it a good match. Garea was one of those guys that was always around and was mainly a tag team guy but he would get a good reaction when he was out there. Rivera on the other hand was never all that interesting and was probably just there because he was Puerto Rican. Not much to see here.

Invaders vs. Mr. Fuji/Tiger Chung Lee

The Invaders are masked guy and one of them murdered Bruiser Brody. One of the Invaders is taller so we’ll call him #1. The official Invader #1 is the guy so it’s hard not to boo him. Lee and #2 start things off….but Gorilla is calling him #1. Oh wait he’s the taller one. Great now they’re making rapid fire tags (#2 barely gets over the ropes without tripping) and Chung’s arm gets beaten on over and over.

Monsoon says #2 is in there now so good enough. Anyway he stays on the arm and it’s off to Fuji for the first time. #2 blocks a chop and hits Fuji in the ribs before cranking on the arm a bit. #1 randomly jumps in and out of the ring to distract the referee. As he’s doing this, #2 doesn’t move an inch. A cross body gets two for #2 and it’s back to the arm. Fuji looks ticked off.

Back to #1 for some arm cranking on Lee who finally hits a slam…and is promptly kicked in the face. It’s back to the armbar by #2 and here’s #1 again. Lee shoves #1 into the corner for some choking from Fuji with a tag rope and it’s officially off to Mr. It’s quickly back to Lee to crank on #1’s arm and hit a backdrop for two. Fuji gets a suplex of his own for no cover. #1 comes back with a suplex of his own followed by slamming Fuji off the top, allowing for the hot tag to #2.

Lee comes in as well and things speed WAY up. Gorilla calls #2 by his real name (Johnny Rivera) just before Lee hits a Saito Suplex for two. Back to Fuji who suplexes #2 and chops him down before bringing Tiger back in. We hit the bearhug and Gorilla says to bite him in the ear or poke him in the eye to escape. Monsoon was EVIL at times. Back to the bearhug and #1 breaks the hold up, only to have Fuji switch sans tag.

Fuji hooks the ultra lame back claw as Gorilla talks about having a bunch of bananas thrown at him. Now he talks about which camera we’re looking through to fill in time. #2 crawls around to the corner (could it be because it was just a freaking hand on his side?) and makes the hot tag to #1 to face Lee…and they lock up. So much for the burst of speed. A spinning cross body out of the corner is caught in an atomic drop from Lee to get us to heat segment #3.

We hit the chinlock as this is clearly going to the time limit draw. Fuji comes in for some double choking (I miss stuff like that. It’s so basic but it works so easily) before another illegal switch. #1 misses a splash which gives Lee two but he allows the tag to #2. We get some leg work as the Invaders rapidly tag in and out again. They take turns cannonballing down onto the leg but Lee escapes a spinning toe hold. #2 blocks the tag though and we get a leg lock.

Fuji comes in and gets his own leg worked on for good measure. Off to an abdominal stretch (Gorilla complains like a broken record) on Fuji followed by one on a charging Lee. Fuji breaks it up so here’s #2 who is WAY too small to hook an abdominal stretch on Lee but he does it anyway. Everything breaks down and the Invaders hook a Rowboat (stupid double leglock) as the bell rings for the time limit.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but after about ten minutes it was clear what we were going to. It didn’t help that a lot of the match was spent going slowly so they could fill in time. This was a much more common occurrence back in the day as well as you would get a draw on almost every show.

Masked Superstar vs. Chief Jay Strongbow

Strongbow is a relic of the past and Masked Superstar would become more famous as Ax of Demolition. Gorilla calls this a main event in any arena in the country, other than this one I guess. They shove each other around to start and man alive does Strongbow look old. Patterson seems to have disappeared. Jay runs the Superstar over and puts on a headlock. Pat is back now and thinks Strongbow will try to take off the mask.

They get back up and Masked Superstar runs into the corner to hide. Back to the headlock as this match doesn’t seem interested in going anywhere. Strongbow goes for the mask and we head to the floor. Back in and Strongbow goes on the warpath and fires off some knees to Superstar’s head. He can’t get the mask off though and Masked comes back with shots in the corner. It’s warpath time again and Strongbow hits a bunch of chops and his sleeper but Superstar comes back with a single clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was boring but the crowd carried it by being so into Strongbow. Sometimes just a simple gimmick like being an Indian along with the longevity that Jay had (he was in his mid 50s here) were all that you needed. The match itself was pretty dull but Strongbow was trying at least. Shockingly not horrible here.

Ivan Putski vs. Sgt. Slaughter

We get the shot from the back as Sarge comes out. I miss that camera shot. I think Slaughter is a heel here but he seems rather popular anyway. Putski, who might be 5’8 in heels, starts firing off punches but Sarge bails to the corner. They circle each other a bit more with no contact yet. Putski is small but he is RIPPED (and pretty clearly full of steroids). They finally collide with Putski shoving him around and slamming the Sarge down to stall some more.

Ivan hooks a headlock as Patterson talks about Putski loving to drink and sing. Back to the headlock as this is going slowly again. Slaughter finally comes out with an atomic drop and works on the back for a bit. That doesn’t last long though as Slaughter gets rammed into the top turnbuckle and may have been busted open in the process. Slaughter gets sent shoulder first into the post as Patterson says to stay on top of him. Is that what he got to do after the Alley Fight?

Slaughter reverses a whip into the corner and comes back with the Slaughter Cannon (running clothesline) to take over but he can’t slam Putski. Ivan is billed at 225lbs and Slaughter can’t slam him? The Cannon misses and Putski comes back with the Polish Hammer (double ax to the chest) and a shoulder to send Slaughter to the floor. In a funny bit, Sarge’s chin gets caught on the bottom rope to keep him from hitting the concrete. They fight on the apron and Putski knocks Slaughter back inside, which lets Slaughter beat the count and win by countout.

Rating: D. Another dull match here as is the custom for 1984. Putski just wasn’t that good and he looked freaky to say the least. He was just too muscular for someone his size and it never quite worked. Slaughter would go to the AWA pretty soon after this and stay for years until coming back around 1990 to be the turncoat American.

Gorilla sends it to the back for an interview with Paul Orndorff, including a rare error by slipping up on Paul’s name. After that bad mistake. Paul says that Salvatore Bellomo is nothing more than a spaghetti eater to him.

Paul Orndorff vs. Salvatore Bellomo

Paul has Roddy Piper with him and this is Orndorff’s MSG debut. This is also Piper’s return to MSG after being in the NWA for about five years. We stall to start a lot, allowing Patterson to get in another line that is only funny when he says it: “If Orndorff turned his back to me like that, I would be all over him.” Now Orndorff and Piper complain about Sal’s knee brace. The heels threaten to leave as Pat says he’d like to get in the ring with Orndorff to see if he liked him.

Now Paul complains about not having his own corner. He finally gets back in so Piper can disrobe him. Wait actually he just unties it and the disrobing takes place on the floor. The bell rang about four minutes ago so this is just stalling. Piper distracts Sal and the attack is on fast. The squashing begins and Piper is immediately talking trash. Orndorff stomps away and chokes on the rope before getting two off a backdrop. Piper to the referee: “COUNT FASTER!” Sal falls on Paul in a slam attempt for two. Piper: “NOT SO FAST!”

Orndorff misses a charge into the post and rams his shoulder, allowing Bellomo to make his required comeback. A dropkick hits Orndorff and Paul misses an elbow drop. Bellomo puts on a wristlock but Paul gets in a knee to the ribs to stop the momentum. Sal grabs the arm again immediately and cranks away, even surviving an armdrag attempt from Paul. Bellomo adds a headscissors as the match keeps going. Orndorff finally suplexes his way out of the hold and Sal heads to the floor.

Piper yells at Bellomo as only he can before Orndorff slams Sal on the floor. Back in and Paul hits a perfect suplex for two and Roddy can’t handle many more of these kickouts. Orndorff chokes away in the corner a bit, much to the anger of the “bite his ear or poke him in the eye” dude. Orndorff goes up but misses a top rope knee drop and gets beaten on for a bit. A powerslam stops Bellomo dead and a great piledriver ends this clean.

Rating: C-. It depends on how you look at this one. Bellomo stayed in there too long, but at the same time it made Orndorff look like a killer which is the right idea here. That piledriver looked GREAT and Orndorff was clearly going to be something special. Fourteen minutes is too long of a match though, especially for an MSG debut like this.

Bellomo takes forever to get out of the ring to make the beating look even better. Good stuff.

Intercontinental Title: Don Muraco vs. Tito Santana

Tito is challenging and Muraco has Albano with him. Feeling out process to start with Albano wondering around the ring for no apparent reason other than he’s Lou Albano. Tito finally takes over with a headlock before firing off some of those right hands that Jesse would say have guacamole on them. When the headlock stops working, Tito just rams Muraco’s head into the mat. Why over complicate things?

Back to the headlock as Tito cranks away. A big knee drop to Muraco’s head gets two and it’s back to the headlock. Don comes out of the hold with a backbreaker but is immediately slammed right back down into the headlock. This is getting rather repetitive as we’re over eleven minutes into this match and about nine of them have been spent in a headlock. They changes things up slightly by having Tito on his feet where Muraco can break the hold with a kind of Russian legsweep.

Muraco rams Santana’s head into the buckle to take over and adds in a powerslam for two. I’m pretty sure Muraco’s finisher at this point was a tombstone but I’m not sure. The fans cheer for Tito and he starts to Hulk Up a bit. Santana punches Muraco down and stomps away before having to take Albano out. The forearm misses Don though and both guys are down. Muraco goes up top and they slug it out….for a double DQ? Dang this is an old school match. Even Gorilla sounds confused by that.

Rating: D. I LOVE Tito Santana, but man alive this was boring. It’s a sixteen minute match and nearly thirteen minutes of that are spent in a headlock. That isn’t an exaggeration either. I checked to see if I had forgotten something but there’s nothing else there. Tito would win the title from Muraco about three weeks later in Boston.

Tito swears he can beat Muraco and claims he got ripped off. Albano had no business being in the ring.

Haiti Kid/Tiger Jackson vs. Dana Carpenter/Pancho Boy

Midget match with 2/3 falls here. Kid and Tiger are incredibly small and probably half a foot shorter each than the villains. Tiger Jackson would go on to become Doink’s partner Dink. Carpenter is almost as tall as the referee. Pancho gets pantsed by Tiger and we’re ready to go. Carpenter and Jackson start things off but Dana immediately brings in Pancho. Tiger hooks a headlock so Boy tries to grab his hair, forgetting that Steve Austin has more hair on his head than Jackson does.

Pancho slaps Jackson in the head a bit before getting elbowed in the ribs. Jackson takes him down with a flying headscissors and holds him on the mat for a bit. I think Pancho might have portrayed Queasy of Jerry Lawler’s team at the 94 Survivor Series but that’s just a guess. Pancho fights up and literally spins Jackson around on the top of his bald head.

Haiti comes in with some dropkicks to clean house. Carpenter comes in and gets beaten up too as this is your usual midget match. Haiti dropkicks Dana to the floor before putting him in a full nelson. We get some heel miscommunication resulting in Pancho hitting Carpenter by mistake. Back to Pancho vs. Tiger as this keeps going. They keep going until Jackson hits a middle rope sunset flip for the first fall.

The third fall begins with Haiti vs. Pancho, because if there’s one thing better than a midget match, it’s a two out of three falls midget match! Haiti Kid is black, so therefore his head is immune to being rammed into buckles. Kid can’t suplex Carpenter and the referee gets dogpiled. We get a crisscross and Kid hooks an airplane spin on Carpenter. We get a weird ending as Haiti covers Carpenter and the referee is REALLY hesitant to count the pin, as in that wasn’t the correct finish.

Rating: D. I hate these things. They’re not interesting because there are no stories to them and the matches are always based around unfunny comedy. I guess the live crowd likes them or something, because I don’t care about these things at all. Nothing to see here other than the same shenanigans you see everywhere.

Freddie Blassie is annoyed that Hogan has been swapped in for Bob Backlund and says the cheating isn’t going to work. Sheik speaks I’m assuming Arabic and rants about Hogan before switching to English and getting cut off. Why? Because this is pre-taped and Sheik and Blassie are in the ring.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Iron Sheik

This is it. This is the match that changes EVERYTHING. Sheik beat Backlund like a month earlier and Backlund is too injured to get his rematch here, so Hulk gets the shot instead. The place goes NUTS for Hogan’s entrance for the first of many occasions. This is Hogan’s return to the Garden after about three years. After being bored all night, the place is going nuts just from hearing “From Venice Beach, California.”

The bell rings and Hogan CHARGES at him in the corner before Sheik can even get his robe off. A clothesline with the robe takes down the champion and it’s all Hulk so far. Another big clothesline puts Sheik down before Hulk easily picks him up for a choke. Hulk, ever the hero, spits on Sheik to a huge ovation. Big boot gets two so Hulk hits a pair of elbows for two. Hulk FINALLY screws up by missing a running elbow in the corner and Sheik takes over.

The champion stomps away with those curled boots of his. I guess it’s a Middle East thing. A backbreaker puts Hogan down but he easily powers out at one. Off to a Boston Crab but Hulk powers out after about ten seconds. Sheik can’t get anything going here long term. A gutwrench suplex gets two for Sheik and (with an infamous erection for some reason) puts on the camel clutch that won the title. Hulk casually wags his fingers no and he powers out of the hold in less than thirty seconds. Hogan picks Sheik up, rams him into the buckle, drops the big leg, and as Gorilla puts it, Hulkamania is here.

Rating: A+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be as Hogan squashed Sheik here, basically selling nothing and escaping Sheik’s best move before beating him in less than six minutes. Look at this card: even the opener was a minute longer than this match. Hogan DOMINATED the champion here and left no doubt about who was better. After this, everything became about flash than substance, and for people who complain about it, let it go already. The change is over and it’s never going back. Absolutely perfect here.

Sheik refuses to go out on a stretcher and charges at Hogan again, only to get beaten down one more time.

Hogan celebrates in the back and Andre pops up to pour champagne over him. This would be used in the Mania III hype package. It’s still the big green belt too which was ugly as sin. Rocky Johnson and Ivan Putski come in to celebrate too.

We’ve still got two matches to go. I never got why that was the case.

Rene Goulet vs. Jimmy Snuka

Goulet jumps Snuka to start and does some what appears to be biting. A back elbow puts Snuka down and a slam gets two. The very popular Snuka comes back with a hip toss and Goulet hides in the corner. Rene puts on a front facelock but Snuka elbows him down and wins with a top rope cross body.

Rating: D+. Snuka is always fun to watch and this was just a quick match to fill in time before the end of the show. No one bought Snuka as being in trouble at all and there was no reason to. He was INSANELY over at this point, probably the second biggest star in the company other than maybe Andre.

Hogan’s parents celebrate with him in the back.

Andre the Giant/Rocky Johnson/Tony Atlas vs. Wild Samoans

It’s Afa/Sika/Samula here who would become Samu in the 90s. Johnson and Atlas are tag champions, having beaten the Samoans about two months prior. I think that’s Samula and Atlas to start things off as we’re just waiting on Andre to come in and destroy people. Rocky comes in instead and we get a crisscross. Rocky stops and allows Samula to keep running in a funny bit.

Johnson ducks an attack in the corner and causes some heel miscommunication before it’s back to Tony. Atlas EASILY breaks a full nelson and sends Samula into a shot from Andre. Here’s the big guy (I mean the biggest of the big guys) but Samula blocks a backdrop with a headbutt. Two Samoans headbutt him down and it’s Sika the legal man. The headbutts are no sold now and Andre is starting to have fun. Andre drops Sika with a headbutt and sits on his chest for a pin.

Rating: D+. This was as simple as it sounds. I don’t think Afa ever got in there as this didn’t even last five minutes. Andre and the Soul Patrol were popular guys and it was a fun way to send the crowd home happy. Good stuff here and a good way to end the show which wasn’t exactly hot so far.

Patterson and Monsoon wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a hard one to sit through. 1983 wasn’t the best time for the company as far as in ring stuff went and you could see a lot of the less interesting stuff going on here still. Hogan winning the title here of course changes everything though and is the only reason to watch it. You can literally find it on at least 8 tapes or DVDs and it’s all over Youtube. Not a good show, but to say it’s historic is a huge understatement.

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Bash at the Beach 1994 – Hulkamania Is Here! Anybody Care?

Bash at the Beach 1994
Date: July 17, 1994
Location: Orlando Arena, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Jesse VenturaHulk Hogan. That’s all that even remotely matters here. Tonight is his debut and he’s already in the world title match. I figured since at this moment it’s 9:38 PM on Friday January 1st, 2010, we might take a look at Hogan’s debut with the company. Note, hopefully I’ll have Fall Brawl 94 up tonight or tomorrow as well. Read the two of these and Halloween Havoc 94 for the Hogan trilogy, as the midcard and lower card mysteriously change from guys that you see featured here into guys that tend to get jobs when Hogan is around and in control. Think of this as a preview for Monday and what might happen when Hogan takes over. Let’s get to it.The intro is all about Hogan vs. Flair. Literally nothing else is even mentioned. They do say the letters WWF though which very much surprises me. The announcers and Gene talk about the only thing on the card that matters. To be fair, there are 6 matches on the card and only one looks good to a smark like myself. This was a very bad time for the company as nothing of note was going on. Oh and Shaq is here for no apparent reason.Some guy with a bad mullet named Daron Norwood sings the national anthem. WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE FREAKING PEOPLE???We see Hogan’s debut on Saturday Night (remember no Nitro for over a year yet) where Sherri debuted as well. Flair went after the knee to set up the very old school angle that actually was pretty good. And here’s Mr. T. to fill in our old WWF reference quota. Sting was hurt here also and can’t wrestle here tonight so Johnny B. Badd gets his TV Title shot. Eight minutes into the show we’re going to the ring.TV Title: Johnny B. Badd vs. Steven Regal

Yes it’s William Regal. Badd is of course Marc Mero as a gay man without ever saying he’s gay. He has two confetti guns as Heenan messes up the name of the belt thinking this is a US Title match. Regal is somehow even more obnoxious at this point. Badd is fast if nothing else. The speed here is good and I notice something: Tony knows a lot of the names of moves. Like, a lot of moves.

This is the same poor schmuck that couldn’t tell that it was Kevin Nash, who was about 9 inches taller than Sting, pretending to be Sting. That makes me like Tony a lot more. Maybe he wasn’t as idiotic as he was made out to be in the NWO era. I kept thinking during that time that he couldn’t possibly be this inept and I think I’m right. Regal is holding his shoulder and tries a walk out like a truly weak heel.

Thankfully that doesn’t happen and Heenan once again has heard a lot of people talking about the various big storylines in the company. Have you ever met anyone that does that, especially at an airport? I get the idea as they’re trying to make wrestling seem like something a lot of people are into, but it still makes me chuckle at times. Some celebrity from Hogan’s TV show is here and I’ve never heard of him at all.

Badd hits his punch on Regal but it knocks him to the floor. They do something resembling a pinfall reversal sequence after a sunset flip by Badd to give Regal the pin. Johnny punches his manager afterwards.

Rating: B-. Not bad. It was fast paced and had some decent technical stuff in there, but the glitter and confetti in the ring just got annoying fast. Badd got the title a month later so I would have gone with it here to give the fans a nice little pop. I like the match but not the booking.

Gene is in the ring and introduces Antonio Inoki who is the equivalent of a Senator in Japan. They give him a plaque for recognition of his contributions to wrestling. Regal, covered in confetti and glitter, is upset that he’s not getting one. Antonio takes the jacket off and chases him off. Well what in the heck was the point of that? I get that Antonio is a legend, but this went nowhere after this. I don’t get this one at all.

Actually scratch that, as they had a match at the Clash of the Champions a month later. Ok, hang on a second. Inoki is retired and a Senator, so they bring him out to fight Regal and beat him while Regal holds a title. And people wonder why this company isn’t around anymore.

Jesse Ventura has replaced Heenan on the commentary for no reason at all.

Vader vs. Guardian Angel

I’ve explained the Guardian Angel in the Halloween Havoc review. It’s Big Boss Man and that’s really all you need to know. This was a LONG feud that never actually seemed to have a point to it. They feuded for probably four months or so and I don’t think Vader ever lost a match to him. Race is Vader’s manager here. Vader busts out a SPINWHEEL KICK. What in the world was that???

Boss Man powerbombs him and let the no selling begin. Vader’s mask is ripped off and with one arm Boss Man slams him. That was impressive looking. Hank Aaron, Inoki and Bill Shawn, the president of WCW, are all in the audience. Aaron works for Turner so he’s there as a business guy and not a fan. WCW couldn’t get a celebrity that big there based on their own merits of course. Shaw…just no.

To the shock of no one, this is just a big fight. Vader actually goes to a leg lock and Tony thinks he’s sending a message to Inoki. What message? You need to work to pass leg lock legislation? This turns into a very fun brawl. Boss Man somehow takes a Vader Bomb and the Vadersault and gets up. Yeah nothing weird at all about that is there? Race comes in and we get a ref bump.

He hands Vader a nightstick and Boss Man gets it, but doesn’t use it. The referee sees him holding it though and that’s the DQ. The idea is that Boss Man had turned in his nightstick and handcuffs to become a Guardian Angel. The idea of that real life group is they don’t use weapons at all. The story is that Boss Man won’t use them but is being tempted to.

He eventually gave up and used it at Halloween Havoc but that’s another story. The problem was unless you watched Spring Stampede or lived in a city like New York where the Guardian Angels existed, you didn’t get the story because it was only mentioned one time. It’s a good idea but it needed to be better executed.

Rating: B. This wasn’t a good match, but it was fun. The charisma was all there and that’s all you need a lot of the time. A lot of people that have seen this will likely disagree on the grading but still, I liked it and had fun with it. It’s not supposed to be a five star classic and it wasn’t. You can’t grade all matches the same.

Jesse picks Flair for later on.

Mike Tenay is doing interviews on the hotline. I didn’t know he was working for the company back then.

We recap the feud between the Rhodes and Funk families. Terry was feuding with Dustin and called out Dusty. Dusty was retired and so Terry decided to beat up Dustin instead. Funk teamed up with Robert Parker’s Stud Stable to beat on Rhodes. Since Dusty was nowhere to be found, Dustin needed a partner. So what does the young man decide to do?

He asks ARN FREAKING ANDERSON. Yes, the same Arn Anderson that HATED Dusty for the majority of the 80s. Yes, the same Arn Anderson that was one of the dirtiest wrestlers of all time. Yes, the same Arn Anderson that is ARN ANDERSON. If you can’t see the ending of this from a mile away, you’re an idiot.

We get a ridiculous recap of a match from before the show with radio show hosts as managers or something. It’s crap and pointless, making it pointless crap.

Terry Funk/Bunkhouse Buck vs. Dustin Rhodes/Arn Anderson

Rhodes needs someone to pop up, preferably a midget in a white top hat because they rule, to slap him in the head and shout  ARE YOU CRAZY??? I honestly can’t get over how stupid this is. Ventura throws out that he had a one hour draw with Funk in 76. I would love to see that actually and I’m not kidding on that. Dustin starts and he needs to be given an idiot of the millennium award.

Funk just beats the living heck out of Dustin for awhile and I love it. You have to teach these idiots things like that. Funk goes over the top which is usually a DQ but no one sees it. Seriously, what was the point of that rule? Who decided that was a good idea? It’s just freaking stupid and accomplished nothing at all, and it was a rule in a ton of companies. I think only the WWF didn’t do it of all the major companies.

There’s still a ton of confetti on the floor and it looks stupid. Note, Anderson hasn’t been in the match yet and hasn’t actually hit anyone yet. Anderson comes in but only to break something up and again: no contact with any heel. Both Dustin and Funk go down and Funk looks like he’s trying to nip up but that’s just him convulsing like he tends to do.

Dustin makes his comeback and beats the heck out of both guys, proving that Arn wasn’t needed at all but we need to make Dustin look stupid so he can look good later. Tony says that it’s a one man war which is what Dustin wanted which is why he got Anderson to team with him. Tony, you make granite look smart.

There’s the tag and the universe makes sense again as Arn drills him which the BRILLIANT production team completely misses because we need a quick shot of Meng standing there and doing nothing. Anderson puts Funk on top of him for the pin.

They all work on Dustin’s arm and mess it up. They say Anderson shows his true colors with a classic Anderson move. We finally get to see it on a replay, but now we don’t get to see Meng! How will we live??? They actually wonder if he was bought off. HE’S ARN ANDERSON YOU LUNKHEAD!

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much a match as it was all angle. The announcers trying to sound all shocked is just funny. Did anyone watch wrestling in the late 80s? This wasn’t a match, but the angle wasn’t any good either as it was so painfully predictable but whatever. There would be WarGames next month and more matches after that because WarGames wasn’t a good enough blowoff I guess.

Tony talks to Hank Aaron as Bobby is back to the broadcast booth. He’s a nice guy but doesn’t pick Heenan or Tony. If there’s ever been a nice guy in sports, that’s it right there.

Flair cuts a completely insane promo as he can see his career falling apart because of Hoagn. We’ll ignore that they’re using this for Hogan’s first match with the company and we got Hogan vs. Beefcake at Starrcade but whatever.

US Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Steve Austin

In a month, Austin will be jobbing the title to Duggan in 27 seconds and Steamboat will be gone. Yeah taking Austin, who is cursing a lot around this time, and Steamboat who is still good in the ring and replacing them with a WWF jobber to the stars that was one of Hogan’s friends had NOTHING to do with Hogan. Neither does Orndorff or Beecake getting pushes. Not a thing at all.

Steamboat is more or less Shawn Michaels at this point, as he’s much older and a title means nothing to him as his name is far more than enough to get him by and over with the fans and he can wrestle with anybody and get a good match out of them. It’s so weird hearing these two talk about Austin. That name just sounds wrong coming from them. Heenan says he went back to Hogan’s dressing room and said there had to be 500 people there.

Now this is stupid for one reason or another. First of all, I don’t think WCW had 500 employees in a year, and two, the fire marshal could shut the show down if that’s the case. Third, HOW BIG IS HIS DRESSING ROOM? It’s not like he’s Dusty Rhodes and his gut needs a building to hold it. Austin has Dragon Slayer on the back of his tights. Steamboat just kind of falls out of the ring. It looked very odd.

You know, I find it amusing that Bischoff said that Austin was unmarketable as he was. He’s cursing, lying, cheating and wearing black. This is just amusing. The fans boo the arm work. SCREW THEM. This is why wrestling died. The fans weren’t booing when Hogan was nowhere in sight, but we put Hogan in there and all of a sudden psychology and actual wrestling go out the window, because we can’t have anyone under 6’5 and under 275 have a good match right?

We can’t have a guy wrestle a 45 minute match or anything like that. Tony and Heenan talk about seeing Flair and Steamboat going for an hour or an hour and a half and I drool over the thought. It’s very sad to realize that probably 75% of the fans in the world today would call Flair vs. Steamboat and their trilogy of epics in 89 a boring series.

Today there’s a complete hatred of psychology and a disdain for anything that goes on longer than ten minutes or so because the fans can’t keep their interest in a show that long. Take this match for example. It’s been psychology based and mainly about them not being able to stay in control. It’s been a great match but of course the fans are booing it because it’s slow paced and it’s building to a climax and is (allegedly) making Austin into a big deal.

That of course doesn’t happen because Jim Duggan needed to get a push and a three month run with the US Title. Why? DO NOT QUESTION HULK HOGAN! Austin hits the STUN Gun, his finisher, for two and then tries to throw Steamboat over the top, which would be a DQ, but it’s Ricky Steamboat so he skins the cat and is back inside.

That and the nip up are just amazing moves to pull off. Austin sets for a tombstone and it’s reversed which is reversed which is reversed and Steamboat gets it. The fans are INTO THIS now. See what happens when you HAVE SOME PATIENCE??? They somehow crank the speed up and Steamboat hits a cross body and Austin rolls through and the ropes get him the pin and keep the title on him. The last four minutes or so were freaking amazing.

Rating: A-. AWESOME stuff here, as they went back and forth for twenty minutes and somehow cranked it up about ten notches for the finish. This right here is an example of what WCW was about before Hogan showed up: two guys out there with a good amount of time having a great wrestling match.

Hmm, now where have I heard about matches like these before? Matches where they start at the bell and go hard all the way to the end. You might say it’s action that goes for the total match with no stops at all. Yeah that can’t happen though. WE WANT LEGDROPS AND YELLOW TIGHTS DANG IT!!!

We go to the back and see the Stud Stable celebrating. Arn says Dustin had it coming. Yep, that’s true.

Tag Titles: Pretty Wonderful vs. Kevin Sullivan/Cactus Jack

So, we’re pushing Orndorff, a Hogan friend, over Cactus Jack, because Orndorff at 45 is worth more and has a brighter future than Cactus Jack who is 32 here and still healthy. We can’t have people cutting edgy and cool promos because we need to use the same ones we used in the 80s so we don’t have to actually come up with something on our own, so let’s just get rid of Jack because he’s young and popular and over and talented and people want to watch him.

We don’t have time for that. WE HAVE BEEFCAKE!!! My freaking goodness Paul Roma sucks. We see a shot of Cactus with no teeth because I guess they were knocked out or something. Next of course he bites Orrdorff. I hate WCW at times. So let’s see. We have a young guy that is popular but doesn’t wrestle a standard style. What’s the solution to discredit him?

Let’s put him in the ring with Paul Roma and a guy in his mid 40s with one good arm and then blame him for how much it sucked! I wish I was making that up, but they gave these guys more time than Steamboat and Austin. They actually asked Paul Roma and Paul Orndorff to wrestle for twenty minutes and expected it to be good. I mean seriously, who thought this was going to work?

Why is Orndorff on the roster anymore here? This is what killed WCW in my eyes: the old guys that were friends of Hogan getting pushes while the future, as in Austin and Jack getting depushed and let go because Hogan can’t go at their level and the show would have been stolen from him if they had stayed. ANYWAY after twenty minutes of this Jack hits the double arm but Roma holds his foot down and Orndorff pops up and covers him, allowing another old finish to end it.

Rating: D. And that’s only because Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time and I won’t fail him. This was just moronic as you know they could tell this would be bad but they did it anyway. Not only did the Pauls hold the titles but they beat ANOTHER young team to get them back and then Roma and Orndorff just faded away like they were supposed to, but not before making Cactus look terrible and having him head to ECW along with Austin.

And now let’s bring out all the people that have nothing to do with the match but we’re bringing them out anyway because we had six matches on the card and we really need to fill in time since we had to have the tag titles go 20 minutes so that Roma and Orndorff can look good since they’re the future of the company boy howdy.. We have Nick Bockwinkle and Shaq and that’s it.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Again, they’re actually doing this in his first match with the company. Mr. T. is with Hogan for absolutely no apparent reason. Hogan’s arms have shrunk insanely now to the point that he looks like he MIGHT weigh 260. Hogan drops Flair then Flair shoves him back to the corner but that doesn’t last because Hogan has to dominate all. I really can’t believe this is his first match in the company.

The stupidity of that astounds me to this day. The fans are way into this of course, which is impressive as they didn’t really build to it at all. Naturally for about five minutes or so, the world champion who I believe held it for over a year three times or so is destroyed. Ah thank goodness: we’re doing the Flair formula and not the Hogan one, although I have a bad feeling it’s going to be a hybrid of the two instead.

Flair works on the bad knee and takes control while trying in vain for the submission that will never come. The announcers are of course biased here which can get a bit annoying but it’s something you get used to over the years. Sherri and Hart interfere a bunch and nothing comes of it. Throughout the match Hogan’s length of time between matches grows from about 14 months to three years.

Don’t you just love the over the top aspects of WCW’s commentary? Sherri pulls the referee out because we need more time and to go over the top here to make sure that this has the “big match feel” to it or something like that. Referee number two comes out to check on the figure four which Flair of course puts on the wrong leg. Naturally that’s not the ending either. Hogan Hulks Up and I wonder why Flair doesn’t run here. I’ve never gotten that.

When Hogan is up and going insane, why not just hit the floor and wait about three minutes? Heenan says this is the greatest match either of them have ever had. It’s not even the best match they’ve both been in at the same time that Heenan has called. Sherri misses a splash and Hogan puts him in the figure four. Flair is all like boy please and just moves Hogan’s leg off of his which I don’t think was supposed to be on camera.

Mr. T. grabs Sherri to validate his paycheck. An illegal object nails Hogan and he of course no sells it. Hulk Up time and the usual finishes. Naturally Hogan, the new world champion wouldn’t wrestle at the next PPV. Why should he do that? We have the NASTY BOYS to main event the show. Heenan’s recapping of it is great as he breaks into tears. He came to WCW to get away from Hogan and he’s world champion all over again. Bobby, that’s two ham sandwiches I owe you now.

Rating: B-. This was fine. Flair and Hogan usually put on good matches, but did they need to do this in the first match? Imagine the money they would make from having Flair cheat to win here and hold the title until maybe STARRCADE, you know, the BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR. Naturally we can’t do that though because we need to have Beefcake get a title shot there while Flair doesn’t even wrestle.

Hogan beats Flair in his traditional fashion here, showing that even though he hasn’t wrestled in over a year (or three depending on who you ask apparently) he can beat Ric Flair, the world heavyweight champion, despite interference and foreign objects. Sure, why not.

Overall Rating: C. I’ll go with right in the middle here as other than the US Title there’s nothing worth making sure you see. The main event is pretty good but it’s nothing masterful at all. I really don’t like the booking here but that’s Hogan for you so what are you going to do?

The next month’s show would be far worse but that doesn’t surprise me at all as the Nastys, the Rhodeses, Bunkhouse Buck and Robert Parker were in the main event. Yeah that’s right. Like I said, see the US Title match but that’s about all that’s worth seeing here. Hogan’s debut isn’t much at all.

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