Impact Wrestling
Date: July 20, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

So it seems we’re still on Alberto El Patron vs. Bobby Lashley after Lashley abandoned El Patron to the hands of LAX last week. This feud has been going on for months now and it’s apparently continuing as there’s no one else to put into the main event scene. Some new names need to be added to the title picture too as it’s getting rather tiresome. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of LAX recruiting Alberto El Patron, including last week’s tag match with Alberto and Lashley picking up the win, only to have Lashley abandon Alberto after the match.

Video on Sammy Guevara, who is young and rather braggadocios. He’s here because he’s one of the best in the world and is ready to win this tournament and move on to the X-Division Title.

Video on Drago, who talks about being from another world and is ready to win as well.

Super X Cup First Round: Drago vs. Sammy Guevara

They speed things up to start and neither can hit anything early on. Drago offers a handshake on the standoff but gets slapped in the face instead. Sammy casually backflips over a clothesline and sends Drago outside for a shooting star from the top. Back in and a reverse hurricanrana gives Drago two, followed by the Dragon’s Tail (very twisting rollup) for the same. That’s fine with Sammy who comes back with a 630 for his own near fall. Drago is back up as well and hits a rather sloppy running Blockbuster DDT for the pin at 4:23.

Rating: C+. Fun match, complete lack of selling aside. This was straight out of the “you do a spot and I do a spot” playbook, which is only going to get you so far. Guevara was a fun heel who plays the bravado quite well. Drago is 41 years old and looks about half that age but it makes sense to push him on given his status with Ring of Honor.

Some GFW wrestlers went to a children’s camp for charity. Nothing wrong with that.

Sienna vs. Amber Nova

Non-title. Nova goes at her to start but gets sent into the corner, followed by a wheelbarrow suplex. A delayed vertical suplex is broken up but the AK47 puts Nova away at 1:26. Total squash.

Post match Sienna mocks Rosemary for being a loser and calls out Karen Jarrett. Sienna wants her to get on her knees and calls Sienna the greatest Knockout of all time. Karen doesn’t think so but Sienna says she just told her to. Allie makes the save with a kendo stick but Laurel Van Ness comes in and beats Allie down. Rosemary comes out for the real save. That goes badly as well but Karen pulls Sienna off. Cue Gail Kim to clean house because that’s what Kim does. Karen makes a Last Knockout Standing match between Rosemary and Sienna for the title next week.

Earlier this week, LAX kidnapped Alberto’s brother to get Alberto to join LAX.

Video on Hijo de Fantasma.

Bruce Prichard (Did the whole “Where’s Bruce” thing from Slammiversary ever go anywhere?) is in the back and runs into Trevor Lee. Bruce wants to know what’s up with the X-Division Title when Sonjay Dutt comes in and tries to get the title back. Security takes him away, which Lee says proves he’s the better champion. Bruce seems to agree.

Idris Abraham/Demus/Trevor Lee vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr./Octagoncito

Lucha rules. Idris and Garza don’t do anything to start so it’s off to the minis for a headscissors to send Demus outside. Garza dives on the other villains and we take a break. Back with Lee, who is wearing the X-Division Title, working on Octagoncito until a headscissors puts him down.

The hot tag brings in Garza Jr. and we remove the pants. They hit the floor for the dives, including Laredo Kid getting caught in the ropes and nearly landing on the apron. We hit the Row the Boat spot (it didn’t work in WCW and it’s not working here), followed by Laredo hitting a big flip dive to the floor. Back in and Octagoncito gets on Garza’s shoulders while Garza is on the middle rope for a huge splash onto Abraham for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C. Botches aside, this was a fun match but the problem here is the time. A lot of the roster barely has time to get on the roster week to week but this is getting more than twice the time that the Super X Cup, which is actually for something, received. Both matches were fun but shouldn’t those times be reversed?

It’s time for Grado to go on a date with Laurel Van Ness He ate the chocolates and drank the champagne but he’s got coupons! The date is backstage and they’re in their gear with Grado tucking his napkin into his singlet. Laurel’s eating scares Grado’s appetite away.

LAX has kidnapped Alberto’s father to try to get Alberto to join as well.

Hijo de Fantasma vs. Matt Sydal vs. Low Ki

One fall to a finish. Sydal takes over to start until Fantasma spinwheel kicks him down. Ki sends Sydal outside but winds up limping a bit to slow him back down. Fantasma kicks Ki in the face to knock him off the top rope and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Sydal hitting a standing moonsault on Ki but getting caught in a surfboard from Fantasma.

Ki breaks it up with the Warrior’s Way but the knee is too banged up to cover. Instead Sydal just falls onto Fantasma for two. The Ki Krusher is broken up so Sydal is sent into the corner again. The regular Warrior’s Way hits Fantasma but Sydal breaks it up with the shooting star press for the pin on Fantasma at 13:57.

Rating: C. Now they’re going overboard with the X-Division stuff. This is the third match out of four that has been built around the division and they’re starting to run together. Sydal is starting to go somewhere and it’s nice to see them pushing someone fresh in the division, but there’s so much other stuff going on that it’s starting to get lost in the shuffle.

Post match Sydal calls out Prichard and asks for a title shot. Cue Lashley of all people but Sydal says no one wants to hear it because this is his time to ask for a title shot. Lashley spears him down and says that’s only a start.

Back to the date with Laurel getting a bit too close to Grado, who keeps reminding himself about the citizenship.

Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Moose vs. Eli Drake

Before the match, the Swoll Mates chase off Chris Adonis. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie hitting a suicide dive onto Drake, who is then taken down again by Moose’s spinning high crossbody. Drake is right back up to send Moose outside and it’s time to double team Eddie. As you might expect, Drake and Carter get in an argument so Moose comes back in to throw them outside.

That’s not enough throwing as he tosses Edwards onto them as well. Eddie hurricanranas Carter back inside but has to deal with Drake, allowing Ethan to send him into the post. There’s the 1%er to Edwards but Moose pulls Carter outside, allowing Drake to steal the pin at 6:23.

Rating: C-. Another match with little structure that seemed to exist for the sake of fitting in as many people onto the card as they could. The match didn’t have much of a flow to it until the ending, though Eli and Ethan shouting their names at each other was a nice moment. I could go for some story tonight though and this match didn’t give me that.

LAX cuts off the Swoll Mates and asks Alberto’s family if he’s joining the team. Apparently not but Konnan holds the troops back…..and then lets them beat the two of them down.

Post break here’s LAX with Dos Caras as Dos Caras Jr. in the ring. The beat down is on until Konnan threatens Sr.’s mask. This brings Alberto to the stage before he slowly gets inside. He gets in “Carlos’” face and says this is too far for the sake of Mexican pride. Alberto says they’re brothers but if LAX wants him, let his family go. The family is sent outside and Alberto agrees to join the team to keep them save. He puts on the shirt but then beats down LAX to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. If you don’t like the LAX vs. Alberto story, RUN AWAY from this show. Nearly no other story got as much as five minutes on this show and it got a bit tiring watching all these multi-person matches, many of which felt like they barely advanced anything. The wrestling itself helped a lot but there was WAY too much LAX here and it dragged the show down a lot.

Results

Drago b. Sammy Guevara – Blockbuster DDT

Sienna b. Amber Nova – AK47

Garza Jr./Laredo Kid/Octagoncito b. Demus/Idris Abraham/Trevor Lee – Splash to Abraham

Matt Sydal b. Hijo de Fantasma and Low Ki – Shooting star press to Fantasma

Eli Drake b. Ethan Carter III, Eddie Edwards and Moose – 1%er to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: July 13, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The big story this week is whether or not Alberto El Patron has joined LAX. Last week Konnan claimed he had but Alberto was out and couldn’t confirm the announcement. Other than that we’re slowly starting the build towards Bound For Glory, though it’s still a long way off. Let’s get to it.

Grado and Joseph Park arrive in the tiny Park Park and Park car (Park: “Three more payments and its mine!”). Joseph has a plan to keep Grado in this country: he needs to get married. And to one of the Knockouts!

Recap of last week’s ending with LAX attacking Lashley and claiming that Alberto is the newest member.

Opening sequence.

Here’s LAX with Konnan (And his “we’re serious like a late period.” GET A NEW LINE ALREADY!) saying that Alberto is the newest member. Cue Alberto to ask what’s going on because he’s not joining LAX. Konnan talks about what happens to Mexican wrestlers in this country, including what happened to Alberto in Stamford. Alberto rants about how he remembers every day but he’s not joining LAX to fight back. It’s a flat out no on joining the team so Konnan sends the troops after him. Lashley comes out for the save.

The Mayor of Orlando declared last Wednesday Impact Wrestling Day in Orlando. They also honored the victims of the Pulse nightclub shootings. Those are nice touches.

ACH is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Andrew Everett is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Super X Cup First Round: ACH vs. Andrew Everett

Everett nips up to start as the announcers talk about how big it is to have Alberto and Lashley teaming up tonight. They trade kicks and standing switches until Everett kicks ACH in the head for two. A springboard dropkick puts ACH on the floor and a top rope Asai moonsault makes things even worse. ACH gets tired of getting kicked and comes back with kicks and a dive of his own, followed by a German suplex. A running clothesline drops Everett but he pops up with an enziguri. Not that it matters as ACH comes right back with a brainbuster to advance at 6:22.

Rating: C+. I like the idea of the X-Division getting a focus and the tournament isn’t the worst idea in the world but they need to have the big blow away match in there somewhere. That’s not likely to happen in six minutes, though this is just the first round. It was entertaining enough though and that’s all you can ask for out of this division.

Here’s Gail Kim with a big announcement. In something that isn’t the biggest surprise in the world, she announces her retirement at the end of the year. She plans on going out on top though and that means she’ll be back in the ring later in the year. I’m fine with Gail wrestling again but I could go without hearing about how she’s the greatest thing in the history of the world.

As Gail is leaving, Chris Adonis comes out to yell at the Swoll Mates (who are here to promote a TV show and not wrestling) and challenge them to a pose down. The Mates are far bigger than he is so Eli Drake comes out to prevent anything from going wrong.

Demus vs. Octagoncito

Yes it’s a freaking minis match because there’s NOTHING ELSE that could be used in this spot. In this case, minis means people about Rey Mysterio’s size as they’re both taller than the top rope. Octagoncito sends him outside for a spring corkscrew dive. Anther dive drops Demus back inside but he comes right back with a slam for two of his own. Something like the West Coast Pop gives Octagoncito two and a very spinning headscissors puts Demus away at 3:57.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. This kind of stuff has never gotten over in America and this isn’t going to be any different. The dives looked cool but as soon as you hear “minis”, the expectations go down. I get the idea of presenting a bunch of stuff from around the world but this isn’t the kind of thing that’s going to draw an audience.

Grado hits on various Knockouts to exactly the avail you would expect. Park says we have one more chance and brings out champagne and chocolates to make things easier.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Naomichi Marufuji

Moose is defending and Ethan Carter III is on commentary. Moose misses the Game Changer but ducks a kick to the head for a standoff. They trade big swings until Moose drops him with a hard clothesline. Marufuji gets caught in the corner as the announcers can’t get Storm to say a word.

Moose wins round one and blasts Marufuji with a clothesline at the opening bell. Back up and Marufuji finally gets in some offense, including some chops in the corner. A dropkick knocks Marufuji off the top though and round two ends with Marufuji down on the floor. Marufuji wins round two and round three begins after a break. Moose misses a clothesline and gets kneed in the face a few times. Carter, who hasn’t said a word yet, gets off commentary but comes in with the bell to knock out Marufuji with the bell for the DQ (I thought these were No DQ.) at 14:08.

Rating: C-. Marufuji wasn’t all that impressive but this round system is really getting old. I mean, it was in the first place but now it’s getting even worse. Carter going after the title makes sense but hopefully it just turns into the TV Title or whatever they want it to be at this point. Just drop the rounds though, please.

LAX wants revenge tonight.

William Weeks vs. Trevor Lee

Lee still has the X-Division Title and insists on wearing it while he wrestles out of fear of theft. With Weeks being beaten down, Sonjay Dutt is being held back by security. A double stomp ends Weeks at 1:24.

Dutt chases Lee off but can’t get the title back.

Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness

Storie hammers away but gets suplexed down for two. Choking looks to set up the curb stomp but Ava slips away and grabs a neckbreaker. The curb stomp puts Ava away at 3:22.

Rating: D. Ava seems to have some potential but I’m not entirely sure on Laurel. They’ve pretty much stopped with her story and now she’s just a woman in a dress who wrestles about the same as she would no matter what attire she was wearing. The result was fine but it was nothing worth seeing.

Post match Grado heads to the ring and asks Laurel out. He praises everything about her and she doesn’t say no but Kongo Kong heads out to chase Grado off.

Alberto El Patron/Bobby Lashley vs. LAX

Non-title. Lashley suplexes and backbreakers Ortiz for two to start before handing it off to Alberto for right hands in the corner. Santana cheats from the apron though and a double suplex is good for two on Alberto. Back with Alberto hitting a reverse superplex on Santana, allowing the hot tag off to Lashley.

Diamante breaks up the spear though and Santana gets in a cheap shot to keep control. LAX works Lashley over with the double teaming until he flips out of a double belly to back and crossbodies both of them down at the same time. Alberto comes in with a Backstabber to Ortiz and the top rope double stomp finishes Santana at 13:27.

Rating: C. Fine for a main event tag match but not much more than that. I’m almost never a fan of the champs losing to a thrown together team (or almost anyone for that matter) in a non-title match and this wasn’t much better. Alberto and Lashley don’t seem to be a long term team and LAX doesn’t need to be losing like this.

Post match Alberto says he and Lashley were an awesome team but LAX jumps him from behind. Lashley smiles and walks away to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a terrible show by any means but nothing I’m going to remember in about five minutes. They seem to have more of a theme and idea going here though and that’s more than you could say about a lot of what this company did for months on end. Tighten things up a bit and this show could go somewhere.

Results

ACH b. Andrew Everett – Brainbuster

Octagoncito b. Demus – Spinning headscissors

Naomichi Marufuji b. Moose via DQ when Ethan Carter III interfered

Trevor Lee b. William Weeks – Double stomp

Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp

Alberto El Patron/Lashley b. LAX – Top rope double stomp to Santana

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: July 6, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back stateside and past Slammiversary which saw Alberto El Patron become the new Impact Wrestling World Champion. However, it’s also a new era as the company has rebranded as Global Force Wrestling. In theory the show is still called Impact Wrestling how in depth the changes go remains to be seen. Let’s get to it.

LAX is in the clubhouse and Konnan says they’re bringing the newest member tonight. It’s going to be Alberto isn’t it?

Recap of Slammiversary, making sure to get in that freaking owl.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Alberto with his brother and father to open things up with a celebration. Apparently his brother is going to be in the ring soon and we’ll get to see how talented this family really is. Alberto praises his father and talks about what it means to be World Champion. If anyone, even if they work for a different company, wants a shot, come get one. Cue Lashley to say the win meant nothing and to promise to build a wall around the family. Dos Caras slaps Lashley in the face but Alberto gets between them. The fight is scheduled for later.

Earlier today, Bruce Prichard yelled at the announcers, telling them to chill out and drop all the drama. Thanks for doing this THREE MONTHS AGO.

Two very large, muscular men known as the Swoll Mates, will be debuting in two weeks.

Caleb Konley vs. Sonjay Dutt

Non-title. Konley takes him into the corner and grabs an early cravate as they don’t seem to have much time. A bodyscissors into a rollup gives Konley two and he smacks Dutt in the jaw for good measure. Konley charges into a pendulum kick in the corner and it’s the tornado DDT to plant him hard. Dutt drops the top rope splash for the pin at 4:47.

Rating: D+. Just a match here with Dutt getting a win to further establish himself as champion. I’m also glad they didn’t make this a title match as Konley hasn’t won a match in the better part of ever and it wouldn’t make a lot of sense to have him get a title shot so soon. Now we need an opponent not named Low Ki to go after the title.

Post match Trevor Lee comes in and drops Dutt before running away with the title. Lee declares himself the new champion.

Grado is back with an American flag and flanked by the Veterans of War and Eddie Edwards. They want to celebrate the Fourth of July in an eight man tag tonight because they’re proud to be Americans. The four of them leave and a rather rotund man is doing Hindu squats.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War/Eddie Edwards/Grado

Adonis poses at the Swoll Mates on the way to the ring. Drake gets taken into the corner and thrown around by the Veterans of War. Adonis can’t do much with Mayweather so here’s Grado to get beaten into the corner. It’s off to Eddie to kick Bahh off the apron but Mario escapes the Backpack Stunner. Everything breaks down and Grado elbows Bahh out to the floor. The MOAB drops Drake and there’s the middle rope Codebreaker to Adonis. A quick Boston Knee Party ends Adonis at 4:36.

Rating: C-. So that happened. This felt like a way to get as many people into a match as possible in a match with little interest or drama. Eddie getting the win makes sense but I really could have gone for Drake getting put into a feud instead of just toiling in the midcard even more. Use that guy’s talents instead of just letting him flounder.

Post match here’s Joseph Park to give Grado a letter, which really upsets him. Grado leaves with park and isn’t happy.

Braxton Sutter vs. Matt Sydal

Josh says Allie looks like an Easter Bunny and Braxton dresses like that guy from the 90s with three H’s in his name. Super Heavyweight Hardcore Holly? Sutter chops him into the corner and fires off some knees. Something like a reverse Fameasser drops Sutter, followed by a kick to the head. Sydal drops the shooting star press for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D+. Speaking of wasted talents, the fall (from not that high in the first place) of Sutter and Allie continues. What in the world is the point in having them lose this often when we’re just a few months removed from one of the company’s best moments in years? At least Sydal’s push seems solid enough though and that’s a good thing.

Sutter is frustrated after the loss and doesn’t want Allie around him.

LAX doesn’t say anything new.

JB is in the ring for the announcement of the Super X Cup, an eight person X Division tournament for a big trophy. The eight participants come out and we get the first round matches:

Sammy Guevara

Drago

ACH

Andrew Everett

Taiji Ishimori

Davey Richards

Dezmond Xavier

Idris Abraham

Video on Abraham.

Video on Xavier.

Super X Cup First Round: Idris Abraham vs. Dezmond Xavier

Feeling out process to start with Xavier grabbing a headlock. Xavier starts flipping around until a running boot to the ribs cuts him off. Back from a break with Abraham still in control but a quick cutter takes him down. Xavier sends him face first into the turnbuckle and Abraham is stunned.

Back up and a deadlift German suplex drops Abraham but he kicks Desmond in the head. Not that it really matters as Xavier gets in a kick to the head of his own and Abraham is stunned even more. In a flash back to days of X-Division old, Spiral Tap puts Abraham away at 11:15.

Rating: C+. Fun match here between two guys we haven’t seen around too often. Xavier was entertaining and it was nice to have someone fresh out there. The division is DYING for more talent and these two could be a decent place to start. Do more of this and give them some more time for a change.

Gail Kim has an announcement next week.

Video on Naomichi Marufuji.

Xavier says that finisher was the Final Flash. You’ll see it again. For some reason the interviewer sounded like he was shouting from a long way off.

Moose is ready to defend against Marufuji next week but Ethan Carter III comes in to say he deserves a shot. Moose tells him to go to the back of the line.

Rebel vs. Sienna

Non-title. Sienna throws her against the ropes to start and starts in with some hard kicks to the head. A charge misses in the corner but Sienna easily counters a handspring elbow into a German suplex. Sienna gets two off a Samoan drop but Rebel knocks her into the corner for some running knees and elbows. The handspring splash staggers Sienna but Rebel dives onto KM. Back in and Sienna rolls her into the guillotine choke for the tap at 3:16.

Rating: D. Rebel may be rather fetching at times but she’s not all that great in the ring. To be fair though this was only designed to be a squash so there’s not much to get out of it. Sienna needs challengers and odds are that’s going to be Gail before her retirement later in the year. Not a good match with time working against it.

The announcers run down next week’s card.

GFW/Impact Wrestling World Title Alberto El Patron vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is challenging and strikes away to start, knocking Alberto outside in the process. The champ gets sent into the steps and another hard whip sends him into the steps. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Alberto is backdropped to the floor, nearly hitting the post as we take a break.

Back with Alberto fighting out of another chinlock and firing off the kicks to the legs and a shot to the head. A big powerbomb plants the champ for two and Lashley is already starting to get frustrated. There’s the Codebreaker to the arm but Lashley cuts him off with a spinebuster.

Alberto kicks him in the face though and gets two off a middle rope double stomp to the back. Lashley shrugs it off and sends the champ into the corner for a double stomp of his own, followed by the spear for no cover. Instead it’s the Dominator but Lashley still won’t cover. Not that it matters as LAX comes in to go after Lashley for the DQ at 15:03.

Rating: B-. This was as good as it was going to get though I’m not sure on having the new champ get beaten down this much. Also, Lashley needs to wrap up this feud and go on to do anything else for awhile. He’s been in the title picture for too long and they need to bring in some fresh blood for a change.

Konnan says Alberto is the newest member of the team, though he’s out of it and doesn’t acknowledge the announcement. They hold up his arm to end the show. Alberto didn’t agree or pose with them or anything that would make this official.

Overall Rating: C-. If this was supposed to be the big new beginning, it really didn’t come off as such. This felt like any given episode of the show with the GFW name barely being mentioned. Then again I’m not entirely sure even they know what the company is called at this point so you take what you can get.

The wrestling was hit and miss and the big angle at the end didn’t do much for me, though at least it feels new. The X-Division getting more attention is nice, but it doesn’t matter if it goes as it has so many times in the past (starts hot, fizzles in a hurry). It’s not a bad show but they already seem to have lost the momentum and good energy that they had from the pay per view, which might be a record even for them.

Results

Sonjay Dutt b. Caleb Konley – Top rope splash

Eddie Edwards/Grado/Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara/Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Boston Knee Party to Adonis

Matt Sydal b. Braxton Sutter – Shooting Star Press

Dezmond Xavier b. Idris Abraham – Final Flash

Sienna b. Rebel – Guillotine choke

Lashley b. Alberto El Patron via DQ when LAX interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 29, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s the last night in India and the go home show for Slammiversary. Most of Sunday’s card is set and tonight we get the hard sell for the show, which will include some contract signings. Also advertised is Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle in a street fight, and I’m a bit worried about that possibly closing the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at what’s coming on Sunday and how important it is. This feels like the pay per view opening instead of the TV opening.

Opening sequence.

Before the show went on the air, we had contract signings for four matches. First up, Sienna called Rosemary dumb for signing up for the match. Sienna said she spits fire while Rosemary spits mist. Rosemary promised to make Sienna sign her death certificate in blood. Next up Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards argued about their wives and how badly they were going to hurt each other.

Third was Ethan Carter III and James Storm nearly coming to blows and then promising to beat each other senseless. Storm got especially fired up and promised to show why he’s been around for fifteen years. The final contract signing saw Lashley sign to face Alberto El Patron. A fight was teased and the table was finally turned over so Bruce Prichard made an eight man tag, albeit with Kongo Kong and Mahabali Shera taking the women’s places.

Video on Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki, which would have been better as a way to close out the taping cycle, though I get why they couldn’t with no time to set up the pay per view rematch.

Sonjay Dutt/Matt Sydal vs. Trevor Lee/Low Ki

Dutt armdrags Lee down to start as the fans are WAY into Sonjay here. Sydal comes in with an armdrag but gets caught in the wrong corner. Of course no one is talking about the match because the announcers are talking about their own match instead. The good guys come back with stereo standing moonsaults and we take a break.

Back with Low Ki stomping on Sydal’s chest and the announcers talking about the Knockouts. When that goes nowhere, they start name dropping former announcers. Sydal gets in a few kicks to set up the tag to Dutt. A tornado DDT drops Lee and it’s time for the showdown with Low Ki.

That goes on for all of five seconds before it’s back to Sydal or the top rope knees. A jumping kick to Lee’s head looks to set up the shooting star but Low Ki makes the save. That save doesn’t quite work though as Sydal hits the shooting star for the pin at 13:38. That was quite the unnecessary shooting star as Lee didn’t move for about a minute straight after the kick to the head but you need your flippy bits in there.

Rating: C. Slightly better than the usual X match here and they’ve done a good job of setting up the rematch on Sunday. Having the other two guys who don’t have a match doing the finish was a smart move to keep the other guys safe going into the title match. This did its job and that’s all you can ask for most of the time.

Video on DeAngelo Williams’ training.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis vs. Mumbai Cats

The Cats are masked men in loud gear. Cat #1 gets knocked into the corner and hammered down with the variety of offense you would expect here. The Eli Drop (White Noise) ends #1 at 2:59. Total squash.

King Mo will be in Lashley’s corner on Sunday. I don’t know why I’m supposed to care either.

Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle

Mumbai street fight with a short Bollywood actor as referee and they’re already in the comedy spots before I can finish typing this sentence. Swoggle throws nuts and powder at Spud’s face but Spud hits him with a trashcan. A table is set up at ringside and Spud punches him into the corner. Instead of following up though, he grabs a mic and starts talking trash about how everyone hates Swoggle.

The big deal though: he MEANT to pull Swoggle’s pants down. Spud shoves the referee down but gets shoved back, resulting in the referee losing his own pants. Naturally Spud loses his pants too but Swoggle actually manages to pick him up for a Doomsday Device. A Samoan drop through the table gives Swoggle the pin at 6:15.

Rating: D. This is a good example of “not for me”. I’m not big on comedy matches like this one where they beat you over the head with the joke, but at least it didn’t close the show (it was the last thing taped). They didn’t give it much time either and while I didn’t fine it funny, it could have been much worse.

JB and Joseph Park finish their training and Park comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him. Before JB leaves, he hands Park an Abyss figure and tells him to find the inner monster. So wait: we’re getting Abyss at Slammiversary after spending OVER A MONTH dealing with Park? I mean, it’s not exactly a surprise but I’ve been miserable with this feud since the beginning so messing with it in any way was going to get under my skin.

Alberto El Patron is happy that his father will be at Slammiversary.

Sienna/Laurel Van Ness/KM vs. Allie/Rosemary/Braxton Sutter

Allie goes after Laurel to start and it’s quickly off to the men with Sutter hammering away in the corner. A full nelson slam drops Braxton but he gets in a suplex into the corner for a breather. Rosemary and Laurel come back in with Van Ness getting suplexed down for two as everything breaks down. Laurel hits an Unprettier on Sienna but Allie gets in a Death Valley Driver. Rosemary mists Laurel and Allie hits Sienna with a Codebreaker. The Red Wedding (bad one) ends Laurel at 4:00.

Rating: D. No time to go anywhere here though at least Rosemary gets some momentum going into the pay per view. I don’t know why Allie/Braxton vs. KM/Laurel isn’t on the pay per view but we certainly have time for the battling announcers match. It’s not like the women would draw special money, but are the announcers going to either? Putting in the actual wrestlers instead of the “special” attractions might be an idea, though around here that doesn’t have the best luck of going anywhere.

Rosemary pats Allie on the head.

Park finds his inner monster and pulls out Janice.

We run down the pay per view card. There’s still nothing on there that gets me overly interested and that’s not good.

Video on Lashley vs. Alberto. This is a much longer version and shows the build to the match, including their first match where Alberto won the title.

Alberto El Patron/Eddie Edwards/James Storm/Mahabali Shera vs. Lashley/Davey Richards/Ethan Carter III/Kongo Kong

Before the match, the heels jump Shera and lay him out, making this a handicap match to start. Lashley gets caught in the wrong corner early on and Storm gets two off an elbow to the jaw. A side slam drops Eddie Edwards and it’s off to Carter, who gets the skin chopped off his chest a few seconds in.

El Patron comes in and catches Carter in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. That’s about it for the offense though and it’s Kong coming in for the fat man offense. The fast tags continue with Davey kneeing James in the face and quickly bringing Ethan back in. A Sling Blade (way too common of a move anymore) drops Carter for no cover and we take a break.

Back with Eddie in trouble and Davey grabbing a bodyscissors. It’s off to Kong who almost gives up the tag, only to have his partners pull Alberto and company off the apron in a smart move that always works. Eddie hurricanranas Davey and James at the same time and here’s Shera to take the hot tag. Lashley takes an AA and a slam plants Kong for two. Alberto tags himself in and takes out Lashley’s leg before hitting the top rope double stomp for the pin on Kong at 19:03.

Rating: B-. Totally by the book tag match here and that’s all it needed to be. Kong taking the fall was the right move and they even got Shera out there for the big save in a nice move. They’re still keeping Alberto and Lashley apart more often than not but they need to deliver in the main event. I’m sure it’s going to be good but it needs to be a bit more than that after all the build.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t the best from top to bottom but this show did a perfectly acceptable job of setting up the pay per view. Aside from the Tag Team Title match, everything got a little time and the show looks passable on paper. Again though, nothing really stands out and that battling announcers match has the potential to be an outright disaster.

That’s it for the India tapings and……they exist. Most of the time I forgot they were even in India as the shows didn’t really feel like anything different. The Sonjay Dutt title win was easily the best thing about them as it was an easy story that was done exactly as it was supposed to be. Other than that and the abundance of Shera, nothing on here really felt like anything you wouldn’t see at the Impact Zone. Much like a lot of the other stuff in Impact, they weren’t bad but they’re forgettable, which is often a lot worse.

Results

Sonjay Dutt/Matt Sydal b. Low Ki/Trevor Lee – Shooting star press to Lee

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis b. Mumbai Cats – Eli Drop to Cat #1

Swoggle b. Rockstar Spud – Samoan drop through a table

Allie/Rosemary/Braxton Sutter b. KM/Laurel Van Ness/Sienna – Red Wedding to Van Ness

Alberto El Patron/Eddie Edwards/Mahabali Shera/James Storm b. Ethan Carter III/Davey Richards/Lashley/Kongo Kong – Top rope double stomp to Kong

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 22, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s week three in India and one of the last two shows before Slammiversary. Nothing major has been announced for this week but you can almost guarantee some more build towards the World Title match, along with the epic saga of the battling announcers. This likely means more comedy from Joseph Park, who is trying his hardest to make this half joke/half possibly biggest match of the show work. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Sonjay Dutt’s X-Division Title win last week. Dutt is very emotional and seems so happy to have won in front of his countrymen.

Sienna tells Laurel Van Ness to focus on Allie tonight because it’s their chance for revenge.

Opening sequence.

Sony Six X-Division Invitational: Trevor Lee vs. Davey Richards vs. Suicide vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Matt Sydal

Elimination rules for another trophy. Eddie and Davey go straight to the floor and the other four brawl, leaving the announcers to threaten each other (Josh: “They’ll delete your Twitter!” JB: “I’m worried about Steiner!”). Sydal and Suicide are left alone in the ring as there’s so much going on at once. Suicide does his backwards fall onto most of his opponents and we take a break.

Back with Sutter hitting a neckbreaker on Suicide but Lee rolls him up with a handful of tights for the elimination (Can we PLEASE find something for Sutter? He was white hot just two months ago and now he’s any given X guy.). Eddie comes in and is knocked outside in a hurry, leaving Davey to kick Suicide in the head.

The top rope double stomp misses but Lee hits the standing double stomp to get rid of Suicide, leaving us with four. All four get back inside with Davey sending Eddie into a chair wedged in the corner, which is good for a DQ. Davey loads up some chairs on the floor but gets caught in a fisherman’s buster through an open chair.

That’s a DQ on Edwards (For beating up someone no longer in the match?) and we’re down to two as we take another break. Back with Sydal hitting a standing moonsault for two, followed by a standing hurricanrana for the same. Trevor hits a Superman Forearm but gets dropped again, setting up the shooting star to give Sydal the pin at 19:02.

Rating: C. Well at least it wasn’t thirty minutes long. This was every multi-man X-Division match you’ve seen for a long time: a bunch of spots, little flow, no real elevation for the winner. The match was perfectly fine as a way to fill in time but it’s not like this is anything important or anything we haven’t seen multiple times before.

Sydal receives a trophy.

Josh brags about his MMA skills.

Spud was on the street earlier today when he ran into Swoggle. A fight nearly broke out but Spud wanted a woman to film it, only to have her steal his phone. Another small guy breaks it up, leaving Spud and Swoggle confused.

Allie is panicking because Rosemary isn’t here.

Joseph Park is worried about the Slammiversary match and even frozen pizza doesn’t make him feel better. JB goes into an Animal House style speech to inspire him and things seem better. We even get a Mega Powers handshake.

Sienna/Laurel Van Ness vs. Rosemary/Allie

There’s no Rosemary to start but here she is from underneath the ring. Allie and Sienna get things going with Allie sending her into the corner. Hang on a second though as here’s KM with a kendo stick for a distraction. Braxton Sutter comes out for the save but Laurel suplexes Rosemary, allowing Sienna to hit a curb stomp for the pin at 1:48.

Dutt had a parade with the X-Division Title.

Clip of LAX going to an indy promotion to beat people up and take their money.

Mahabali Shera is in the ring when Dutt comes out for a full on Indian celebration of his title win. Dutt thanks the crowd and talks about how awesome it is to be champion. This brings out Low Ki, who calls Dutt’s title win luck. He wants a rematch so Dutt agrees to the match at Slammiversary but we’ll make it 2/3 falls. Dutt offers a handshake but gets punched in the ribs. Shera gets beaten down as well and takes a Warrior’s Way until Sydal comes out for the save.

KM vs. Mahabali Shera

Shera has heavily taped ribs and has to shove the doctors away to get to the ring. KM sends him into the steps before the bell as Josh is already talking about his sparring session last week. Shera can’t get him up for a fireman’s carry but KM misses a slingshot splash. The Sky High ends KM at 1:36.

Kongo Kong comes out to destroy Shera, including a top rope splash on the bad ribs.

JB and Park get serious about training, complete with a short montage.

Here are Eli Drake and Chris Adonis to find out who Moose’s partner at Slammiversary will be. They don’t think he has any friends so get out here and make the announcement. Moose comes out and makes the most obvious announcement ever: his partner is DeAngelo Williams. As in the football player who was announced as having a match at Slammiversary and was brought in by Moose. But people say WWE treats its fans like idiots. Moose gets beaten down and hit with the Grand Championship.

Josh threatens JB some more.

E Singh 3/Lashley vs. James Storm/Alberto El Patron

The fans chant for Singh, who tells Lashley that he’ll be starting. Naturally this means tagging in Lashley to face Storm instead. James takes over with a running clothesline in the corner, followed by some standing ones for a bonus. It’s off to Alberto, in a shirt, vs. Singh but Storm takes out both villains with a dive as we take a break.

Back with El Patron in trouble until he gets over to Storm for the hot tag. A Sling Blade drops Lashley but a cheap shot knocks Storm out to the floor. Lashley hits a delayed vertical suplex and chokes Storm on the ropes as the announcers hype Spud vs. Swoggle in a street fight next week. There’s a powerslam for two on James and more choking keeps him in trouble.

Storm finally breaks free and brings in Alberto for the showdown with Lashley. A Backstabber gives Alberto two but Lashley is right back with a double powerbomb out of the corner. Two straight superkicks have Lashley in trouble and there’s the cross armbreaker. That’s enough for Carter, who grabs the strap and whips the referee for the DQ at 18:09.

Rating: C-. Impact has done a good job building up Alberto vs. Lashley but I don’t feel the slightest bit of energy or heat between them when they’re in the ring. There’s nothing personal between them and the GFW Title aspect hasn’t added anything to the match. It’s just two wrestlers having a title match and that’s not the most interesting thing in the world. I’m sure the match will be good but I need more reason to care.

Alberto cleans house and poses with both titles to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well, they built to Slammiversary…..but they built to Slammiversary. The show is looking like another weak effort as so much of the final TV taping cycle has been built around the live Indian crowd, meaning Impact has even time to devote to the pay per view. It wasn’t a horrible show at all and was entertaining at times but everything felt rushed, which is so often the case around here.

Results

Matt Sydal b. Trevor Lee, Braxton Sutter, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards and Suicide last eliminating Lee

Sienna/Laurel Van Ness b. Rosemary/Allie – Curb stomp to Rosemary

Mahabali Shera b. KM – Sky High

Alberto El Patron/James Storm b. Lashley/E Singh 3 via DQ when Singh used the strap

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 15, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re still in India and tonight’s main event is a special treat for the live crowd. This week will see Sonjay Dutt challenging Low Ki for the X-Division Title in an effort to shake away his moniker of the best X-Division wrestler to never win the title. Other than that the build to Slammiversary continues with less than three weeks to go. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Dutt vs. Low Ki with both guys taking their own path to get here. Low Ki doesn’t seem to mind where they are.

Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

This is a ten man Royal Rumble with ninety second intervals and when there are two remaining, it’s a regular one on one match. The winner gets…..a trophy! Suicide is in at #1 and Matt Sydal is in at #2 as we hear about Josh Matthews having his first match in fifteen years tonight.

Sydal headscissors him into the ropes but Suicide is right back in to headbutt Matt down. A standoff goes nowhere and it’s Davey Richards in at #3. Davey takes Sydal down by the leg as we hear about Josh needing to get another Twitter account due to having too many followers. KM is in at #4 and there’s not much going on just a few minutes in. Suicide hangs in the ropes and low bridges KM to the apron. Swoggle is in at #5 as Davey dropkicks Suicide out. KM and Davey no sell some chops and KM shoves Swoggle down.

Eddie Edwards is in at #6 and is eliminated along with Davey in about ten seconds. Back from a break with Rockstar Spud having entered as #7 and getting beaten down by Swoggle. There are four people in the ring and no eliminations during the break so the clock is already way off. Spud drops Sydal and throws Swoggle into the corner, as the announcers try to make Spud into the heel in this whole thing. You know, the guy who was ASSAULTED WITH A HAMMER!

Kongo Kong is in at #8 and eliminated Sydal without too much effort. Spud is tossed as well and Moose is in at #9. Spud isn’t done though and helps get rid of Swoggle with the announcers saying we’re guaranteed to continue this feud. Moose lasts all of fifteen seconds but Mahabali Shera is in at #10 and his dad is in the front row.

Kong charges at Shera and gets low bridged out so the referee comes in for the regular match as we take a second break. Back again with KM stomping away in the corner as Davey/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha in Full Metal Mayhem at Slammiversary. KM gets two off a slingshot splash but Shera grabs an AA for a breather. The Sky High is enough to give Shera the pin at 24:56.

Rating: D-. This was nothing but filler and they weren’t even trying to hide it. If you want Shera to win in front of his home country that’s cool, but couldn’t you have him come in a bit earlier for the sake of some work and some drama? I have a bad feeling this is going to be the extent of what happens with the trophy and if they spent a fourth of a show on this one match….egads. On top of that the match was really boring with Spud vs. Swoggle as possibly the featured attraction before the ending.

Shera celebrates with his family and here are some Sony Six executives to present the trophy. Shera holds the trophy and looks close to crying.

Video on Dutt not being able to win the X-Division Title. Now he’s home and ready to fulfill his dream.

DeAngelo Williams (NFL free agent) will be in the ring at Slammiversary. We see a bit of his in-ring training in Canada.

We see Joseph Park and JB heading to a Kung Fu studio to train. It turns out that Park gets confused and they wind up at a Chinese food buffet with good kung pow chicken.

LAX is going to be in other promotions to make statements since they’re not allowed in India. So they’re taking the Hardys’ gimmick.

Here’s E-Singh-3 with a man in a suit. He talks about his family lineage dating back to his seventh great grandfather being a full blooded Indian. The main in the suit translates with Ethan talking about how he’s one of the people here. Ethan is here to destroy Indian culture and rips on the people even more but the translator won’t say it. Carter beats him up and whips him with a belt until James Storm comes in for the save.

Spud and Swoggle got in an argument at catering earlier today. This results in Spud being sent face first into his food and a chase. As I say every week, this isn’t funny and I can’t imagine a lot of people are interested.

Here’s Josh Matthews, looking like he weighs 114 pounds soaking wet with two bricks in his pocket, for a sparring session. Josh explains the tag match (in case you haven’t heard the concept in the last two and a half months) and hypes up his opponent as an Olympic wrestler, a Bollywood star and a cricket champion.

Josh Matthews vs. Sandik DeKhan

DeKhan is a rather rotund guy who is barely taller than the top rope. Josh armdrags him down but eats a dropkick. That earns Sandik a knee lift and Swanton Bomb (not bad actually), followed by a Steiner Recliner for the submission at 2:25.

Shera comes out post match for no apparent reason but Lashley runs in for the save. Why? Josh gets in another Recliner, which really shouldn’t hurt. Alberto El Patron runs in for the real save. That was one of the most illogical segments this company has run in a long time.

JB and Park train with action figures with Magnus taking JB’s place because he doesn’t have an action figure. They do however study Steiner’s math promo. Park: “How did this guy ever get over? His promos suck.” A highlight reel scares them but Park is ready to face their fears. Steiner calls them though and both guys panic.

Trevor Lee vs. Braxton Sutter

Lee jumps him from behind and Sutter is knocked to the floor in a heap. Back in and a deadlift German suplex gives Trevor two but he stops to yell at Allie. Back in and Sutter gets in a powerslam, followed by the fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 2:08.

Post match Sienna and Laurel Van Ness come out to challenge Allie and Rosemary to a tag match next week.

Low Ki has hurt Dutt before and he’ll do it again.

The roster is ready for Slammiversary.

Here’s Moose for a chat but Eli Drake and Christopher Adonis come out to interrupt in a hurry. Drake calls everyone dummies and claims to have been ripped off in their title match. Moose wants to fight them both at Slammiversary but the double beatdown is on now. Not that it matters as Moose clears the ring without too much effort. Moose promises to deliver a partner next week. You know, because it’s so hard to figure out.

JB and Park answer Steiner’s call so he can yell a lot. I can barely understand him because it’s over a phone but corn on the cob is mentioned. JB offers to call the match off but Steiner threatens violence. Park and JB run off instead, leaving Steiner to yell even more.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki

Dutt is challenging and still has his eyepatch on. A hard body shot puts Dutt down because he couldn’t see it coming thanks to the bad eye. The patch is pulled off and Dutt snaps off a hurricanrana into an armdrag. A dropkick sends Dutt to the floor and they fight into the crowd where Dutt has to escape a Ki Crusher.

Sonjay mostly misses a moonsault off the barricade but what looked to be Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a drop onto the steps. Back from a break with Low Ki stomping away and grabbing something like an abdominal stretch/Octopus Hold hybrid. Dutt fights out and Low Ki takes off the jacket, earning himself a great looking superplex.

Low Ki breaks up a sunset flip and snaps off a standing double stomp for two. A tornado DDT drops the champ (who has a bloody eye) and a top rope splash gives Dutt the title at 16:28. The commentary was rather horrible there as they barely reacted to either the setup or the title change.

Rating: B. Well that was sudden. There wasn’t exactly much of a build to the finish but at least they went with exactly what they should have done. This was the biggest layup of the entire taping cycle and they did exactly what they should have done without trying for some kind of a screwy finish.

Some wrestlers come out to celebrate with Dutt, including Shera putting him on his shoulders to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Before I get into this, let me make it clear that the main event was a completely separate part of the show and isn’t included in the following criticisms. That last match was exactly what it should have been and aside from a pretty weak ending, I had no complains about it.

As for the rest of the show though, it was nothing short of a disaster and one of the worst things this company has ever done (and consider all that covers). The opener was long and awful, the second match was there to further one of the worst angles I can remember in a long time and the third match was barely anything. Couple that with not very funny “training” segments for a ring announcer and a comedy character plus the excruciatingly not funny Swoggle vs. Spud feud and this was one of the most awful shows I’ve ever seen them do.

The World Title feud has taken a huge backseat to the “comedy” angles (though I think the announcers’ feud is supposed to be at least somewhat serious), mainly because they barely have a reason to be fighting. Yeah they have that one match two and a half months ago but neither Alberto nor Lashley have the character depth to pull off something very interesting. They’re both skilled performers and perfectly acceptable from bell to bell but their characters are basically confined to “I’m a good wrestler”. When you barely have a single segment in the ring per week, there’s not much you can do to build a match.

The problem here boils down to the writing not being very good. I know they’ve had Dixie to blame over the years but we’re two and a half months into the new leadership team and it’s some of the weakest TV I can remember them doing in a very long time. There’s basically no midcard out of Moose vs. Eli Drake (a feud which is coming up on a celebrity tag match instead of fighting for Moose’s title) and the Tag Team Champions (who have two titles each) aren’t even on TV at the moment due to whatever reason.

Instead we’re getting a focus on Spud vs. Swoggle over seeing Swoggle’s underwear while the top feud is battling announcers plus a lawyer and a crazy man who arguably hit his in-ring peak 26 years ago. That’s the new Impact Wrestling and if this is what they’re setting up for Slammiversary, Bound For Glory might be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Results

Mahabali Shera won the Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

Josh Matthews b. Sandik DeKhan – Steiner Recliner

Braxton Sutter b. Trevor Lee – Fisherman’s neckbreaker

Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Top rope splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 8, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

This is a special show as it’s the first of four episodes to be held in Mumbai, India. We’re less than a month away from Slammiversary and now the main event seems to be set in stone as GFW World Champion Alberto El Patron will face Impact Wrestling World Champion Lashley in what is likely a winner take all match. Let’s get to it.

We’re in India for perhaps the biggest Impacts ever so LET’S HAVE THE FIGHTING ANNOUNCERS! Bruce Prichard says there’s no physical altercations before Slammiversary or they’re both fired, no matter who starts it. You have all these titles and all these stars and big names and you pick THIS to start things off? Honestly, if this is what they have for their biggest or second biggest story, this company is more delusional than I thought.

The opening video takes a long look at traveling to India and how important this is. I mean, it’s not as important as Borash vs. Matthews but it’s certainly important.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Alberto El Patron to open things up. He talks about all the titles he’s won around the world but there’s one left for him to win. At Slammiversary (which he can’t pronounce), he’ll be the undisputed Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Champion. Cue Lashley to say that’s not happening because he’s unlike anything Alberto has ever faced. Tensions are teased but here’s Bruce Prichard again to cut them off. He thinks they should both defend their titles right here tonight with the Slammiversary spots on the line. They don’t find out their opponents until the matches start.

Bruce Prichard ignores a tag team called the Mumbai Cats.

X-Division Title: Caleb Konley vs. Low Ki

Low Ki is defending and wearing the suit again. They take turns driving each other into the corner with Ki getting the better of it off some kicks. A legsweep sets up a backsplash for two on the champ as the fans are VERY noisy here, in a good way. More kicks stagger Konley but he manages to send Ki outside for a suicide dive. Back in and Low Ki hits a running dropkick to knock Konley into the corner, followed by a Warrior’s Way to the back for the pin at 6:35. Low Ki is bleeding a bit from the eye.

Rating: D+. I’m still not a fan of Low Ki and the all kick/feet offense gets annoying in a hurry. The match itself was nothing special and it was clear that we’re just waiting on Sonjay Dutt to come out for the big grandstand challenge. That’s the logical move to make so this was really just a way to get us closer to that match.

Post match, here’s Sonjay to speak some of the native language and say how ironic it is for Low Ki’s eye to be busted open. He wants a title shot and remembers fighting Low Ki in the Elk Lodge in New York City fifteen years ago. Now there’s no Hit Squad behind Low Ki but Dutt has 1.4 billion people behind him. The match seems to be set.

Video on Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle.

Davey Richards vs. Vikus Kumar

There’s no Angelina Love so Davey is even angrier than usual. The kicks start in again with Davey driving him into the corner and then sending Kumar to the floor. A dive misses but Kumar misses a moonsault, setting up the ankle lock to make Kumar tap at 2:44.

Post match here’s Ethan Carter III to whip Kumar with his belt. James Storm makes the save.

Prichard (third appearance in about 40 minutes) is in the back with Eli Drake, who thinks Bruce cost him the Grand Championship last week. Chris Adonis comes up and says the two of them deserve the World Title shot tonight. Bruce will consider it, so we’ll be seeing him again later.

Video on the TNA Hall of Fame.

Josh promises a sparring session next week.

Swoggle chases Spud down the aisle and into the crowd.

Video on Mahabali Shera, who gets to come home to his country. We see him with a crowd doing the Shera Shake. I mean, none of the fans are doing it but maybe they can’t remember if it’s the Shera Shake or the Shera Shuffle. To be fair, the announcers couldn’t remember either.

Joseph Park comes to see Jeremy Borash at his office to train. Park says fighting is in his family’s blood. One day his grandfather Jebediah Park took on George Hackenschmidt in a bare knuckles fight. Park: “And he almost beat him!” They’re off to train.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. ???

Lashley is defending against…..Moose. They trade shoulders to start until Moose runs the ropes for a spinning crossbody and two. It’s way too early for the spear though and Moose nails a bicycle kick. That’s fine with Lashley as he muscles Moose over and out to the floor. They head outside with Lashley sending Moose into the barricade.

Lashley’s chinlock doesn’t last long and Moose comes back with chops, followed by a dropkick to knock the champ off the top. Back from a break with Moose getting two off a running dropkick. Moose hits his own spear with Josh freaking out at the near fall. I’m not sure why he’d be so worried about the pay per view main event changing as it’s been done three or four times now.

Lashley is right back up with a superplex but the spear is countered with a big boot. They’re trading big shots here and it’s making for a pretty entertaining slugfest. The sitout chokeslam gives Moose two more but the Game Changer misses. Lashley spears him down to retain at 16:30.

Rating: B-. Good power match here but Lashley continues to be little more than a dragon who holds a title. Then again, Alberto is hardly that much better of an option and with Lashley having held the title for so long, you can only get so interested in either of their matches. Moose losing isn’t the worst thing in the world as he lost to someone higher up on the ladder so it’s hardly devastating.

LAX celebrates having both sets of Tag Team Titles.

Video of Spud traveling to India.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Rosemary

Laurel, still in the wedding dress, is challenging and has Sienna in her corner. Sienna starts fast and sends Rosemary into the post so Laurel can stomp away. Rosemary pops up and stares at Sienna, causing a collision on the apron. A rollup retains the title at 1:59.

Post match Allie runs in with a kendo stick (because Allie is Bayley, but “WWE IS ALWAYS RIPPING TNA OFF!!!” – TNA fans.) for the save.

KM asks Bruce (hey there he is again) for the title shot and does his “you’re lying” schtick.

JB and Park train. It’s funny you see. JB: “We’re screwed. We’re dead.” Park wants to teach JB how to be an X-Division wrestler by diving into a pool. Park: “Pretend that water is Josh Matthews!”

Global Force Wrestling Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Chris Adonis

Adonis is challenging and has Eli Drake in his corner. Drake offers an early distraction and Adonis sends him outside as they brawl into the crowd. That goes nowhere, though to be fair we couldn’t see anything while they were walking so for all I know, it was a Scrabble tournament. Back to ringside with Patron, who is wrestling in a shirt for some reason, getting caught in the Adonis Lock while in the ropes.

We take a break and come back with Adonis still working on the back with a cannonball and camel clutch. Alberto fights back again with some clotheslines but walks into a spinebuster for a delayed two. To be fair the guy barely ever wrestles anymore so asking him to remember to cover is probably a big request. Since he hasn’t learned anything, Adonis puts Alberto on top and gets pulled down into the armbreaker over the ropes. Alberto gets in a few more kicks and the top rope double stomp retains at 12:48.

Rating: C-. They had a match, Adonis used power, Alberto kicked and worked the arm and then the champion retained. If you really want to do something exciting for the main event of your first TV show in India, I really don’t know why you would pick Adonis for this spot but why would you do something that makes sense when you devote that much time to Bruce Prichard segments and Spud vs. Swoggle?

Drake and Adonis beat El Patron down with Lashley watching from the ramp. Moose runs in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This episode really illustrated a lot of the problems that the company has and the majority of them are with their storytelling. This week’s episode focused on Swoggle vs. Spud, the battling World Champions who have half a personality between the two of them and the stupid announcers, who have been fighting for the better part of three months now. That really does feel like the top story in the promotion right now and if they think that’s going to be the thing that sparks interest among the masses or even casual fans, they’re in for what shouldn’t be a big surprise.

On top of that, we had a World Title match on the grand stage of an international TV taping and CHRIS MASTERS is in the main event. He never did anything significant in WWE and now he’s main eventing here, despite not really doing anything other than showing up. I have no idea why we’re stuck sitting through these guys but at least there’s some hope. Dutt vs. Low Ki will be a huge upgrade next week though so it’s hardly like they have no hope on the horizon.

Results

Low Ki b. Caleb Konley – Warrior’s Way

Davey Richards b. Vikus Kumar – Ankle lock

Lashley b. Moose – Spear

Rosemary b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup

Alberto El Patron b. Chris Adonis – Double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 1, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re about a month away from Slammiversary 2017 and that means we need to really build up the card. While a lot of it is likely going to be set up during the upcoming India shows, we have a main event already set as Ethan Carter III will challenge Lashley for the World Title in a match that I’m sure won’t be changed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week, including Scott Steiner returning to join Josh Matthews against JB and Joseph Park at Slammiversary and Carter becoming #1 contender.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Ethan Carter III with a barbershop quartet (in snappy hats) plus a violinist and bass player to sing his theme song. They also sing that he’s the #1 contender, which nobody can deny. Ethan talks about getting ready for the biggest fight of his life before having the group sing a goodbye song to Lashley.

Cue Alberto El Patron but before that can go anywhere, Karen Jarrett, Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel, flanked by Tyrus, cut them off. Bruce says it’s not going to happen this way so he makes El Patron vs. Carter tonight for the GFW Title and the shot at Lashley inside a cage. The other three never said a word and really didn’t need to be there.

The show heads to India next week.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Eli Drake

Moose is defending and Drake has Chris Adonis with him. Mantel, Prichard and Scott D’Amore are guest judges here for no apparent reason. The champ kicks him in the face at the bell and tosses Drake into the corner with ease. Drake starts in on the knee and works it over before grabbing a Figure Four to take us to the end of the first round.

Eli wins round 1 and goes right after the knee again to start the second. Josh completely ignores the match to talk about the upcoming tag match at Slammiversary. The leg is wrapped around the post but Moose pulls Drake into it as the announcers bicker about commentary. Back in and Moose dropkicks him off the top to set up a backsplash and moonsault. The knee is too banged up for the cover though and round 2 ends as we take a break.

Back with Moose being announced as the winner, sending Adonis over to yell at the judges. They slug it out at the bell for round 3 with Moose getting the better of it and hitting his chokebomb for two. Drake comes back with some kind of a throw for two of his own. Moose slugs him right back drop but Adonis grabs the foot, allowing Moose to hit whatever he calls White Noise as the clock expires at 9:00. Moose retains via split decision.

Rating: C+. Same as always: it’s a fine match that really doesn’t need the rounds and doesn’t need the nine minute time limit. As usual Drake continues to look better in the ring almost every time but he needs to actually win something of note. Moose is being built into something interesting and when someone finally takes the title off of him, it might actually be a big deal.

We look back at Rosemary saving Allie.

Allie isn’t sure why Rosemary helped her but Rosemary comes up to freak her out even more. Rosemary says she heard something crying out and she knew Allie needed protection.

Impact will hold a house show on August 5 in Staten Island. I’ll believe it when the opening bell rings.

Matt Sydal talks about tonight’s X-Division Title match with Low Ki defending against Andrew Everett.

Swoggle is in the front row.

Allie vs. Amber Nova

Nova is billed from the Garage (Gradge?) and wears a rather small outfit. Allie shoves her away to start but eats a knee in the corner. The comeback doesn’t take long as Allie starts overcoming her self confidence issues and hits some clotheslines. A lot of shouting sets up a running Death Valley Driver to pin Nova at 3:34. Allie hugs everyone, which totally isn’t a Bayley knockoff in the slightest.

Rating: D+. Allie as TNA’s version of Bayley is fine as she’s certainly popular with the crowd and it’s nice to have her actually win something for a change. It would be nice to have her win a blowoff match against Laurel Van Ness to FINALLY end the story but odds are this gets dragged out even further for some reason. Nova wasn’t bad but you can only see so much out of a three and a half minute match.

Joseph Park and JB arrive in a golf cart.

GFW Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Veterans of War

Tournament final with LAX’s Impact Tag Team Titles not on the line and no disqualifications. The rest of LAX comes in to help with an early beatdown (makes sense) but leaves after only a few seconds. Wilcox shrugs Ortiz off and brings in Mayweather for a big hiptoss as LAX takes a breather on the floor. Santana sneaks in from behind to clip Mayweather’s knee though and LAX takes over for the first time.

The beating begins in the corner with Ortiz stomping away and Mayweather taking out the knee for more of the same. Mayweather finally comes back with a Downward Spiral to get a breather The hot tag brings in Wilcox to clean house with the heavy clotheslines. Everything breaks down and Konnan hits Mayweather in the knee with a bat, allowing Homicide to blasts Wilcox in the back with a title belt. The Street Sweeper gives LAX the titles at 6:56.

Rating: D+. NOW UNIFY THE THINGS AND NEVER MENTION THE GFW TITLES AGAIN! That being said, this was a big disappointment as the VOW have already lost a match which is likely setting up a rematch at Slammiversary. I mean, it would have made sense to have them both have a title and unify them at the pay per view but this company has far bigger problems than that.

Park and JB have a really lame psych up segment and Park says it’s time to train. JB: “Have you lost your d*** mind?”

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and Sonjay Dutt is on commentary. The champ is in a suit to continue an idea whose origins probably don’t remember in the first place (yes I know what it is). They trade kicks to start with Low Ki getting the better of it and headbutting Everett into the corner. Everett is sent outside and Low Ki yells at Dutt as we take a break. Back with Low Ki in control and pulling Everett off the middle rope for two. We hit an abdominal stretch but Everett slips out and kicks him away.

A bad looking hurricanrana sends Low Ki into the middle turnbuckle, followed by a running shooting star for two. Everett goes for a springboard but completely botches it (calling Maffew, come in Maffew), landing about four feet away and giving Low Ki two off the crash. Andrew shoves him off the top and tries the shooting star, only to have it land on knees. The running dropkick into the corner sets up the Warrior’s Way to retain the title at 13:45.

Rating: C. The botch aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world but they might as well have held up a big sign counting down to the start of Dutt vs. Low Ki for the title. That’s not a bad thing but it made this match seem a bit like a waste of time. Everett seemed primed and ready to win the title but somehow we’ve moved on to two guys from the original days of Impact for reasons I don’t want to fathom.

Low Ki yells at Dutt.

Lashley wants to make Impact great.

Spud jumps Swoggle and beats on his knee with a hammer. Josh: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???” I’m not sure why I’m so amazed every time Josh asks these stupid questions but it happens every time. Swoggle’s eye is busted and the fans call Spud a stupid idiot.

GFW Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Ethan Carter III

Patron is defending inside a cage and the winner faces Lashley at Slammiversary. Alberto starts kicking away (common trend tonight) but gets sent into the cage. A DDT gets Alberto out of trouble but Carter is right there to cut off an escape attempt. One heck of a Samoan drop off the cage plants Alberto and we take a break.

Back with Carter hitting a charge in the corner, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A sitout electric chair faceplant gives Carter two but Alberto is up with a middle rope Backstabber to pull him off the corner. Alberto starts in on the arm with a Codebreaker and the cross armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring.

Carter gets out again and the TK3 gets two more. A Batista Bomb lets Carter get to the middle of the cage but Patron pulls him down and hits a top rope double stomp from the top of the cage (FREAKING OW MAN). Since that’s not enough, Alberto adds a top rope splash for the pin at 17:40.

Rating: B-. Well I’m shocked. They’ve been setting up El Patron vs. Lashley II since the week after El Patron debuted and I don’t know how many people bought the idea of Carter getting the shot after all those weeks of talking about how the GFW Title was the golden ticket. Also, aside from the ending, there was no reason for this to be in a cage and it’s not like they had any chance to hype it up because, as is the case in way too many wrestling companies, they announced it at the beginning of the show and had the match an hour and a half later.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when this show has something to build towards. After all the months of running around like seahorses on bicycles, they’ve FINALLY got something to go for instead of just doing the same things over and over again to little avail. The GFW stuff isn’t interesting and there’s no reason for a show with two hours of TV a week to have multiple titles for almost every division but at least they have something to focus on, which helps so much. Much better show here and the direction has so much to do with that.

Results

Moose b. Eli Drake via split decision

Allie b. Amber Nova – Death Valley Driver

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett – Warrior’s Way

Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Frog splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 25, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

It’s time for another triple threat match, this time with World Title implications. Tonight it’s James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Magnus in a match that will likely help set up the World Title picture as we approach Slammiversary. We’re about six weeks away from the pay per view, meaning it’s almost time to start setting things up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show, focusing on the Ultimate X match and the setup for tonight’s triple threat.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Bruce Prichard to get things going with Tyrus as his new bodyguard. Despite what Carter did to him last week, Bruce wants to get us to the most important thing around: the Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Championship. This brings out Lashley, who brags about his dominance. He doesn’t care about the people in the triple threat match, which does seem to be for a shot at the title.

Before Bruce can announce the challenger, here’s Carter to say he’ll win and get the title shot. Magnus comes out to say the same thing because Lashley has never beaten him. Naturally Storm is here to say he should be getting the shot. Bruce makes the match a #1 contenders match with the winner getting the shot at Slammiversary (Forget all those weeks of talking about the GFW Title being the golden ticket I guess). He’ll even make it No DQ (because triple threat matches are known for their disqualifications) but no one can touch either of the other two before the match starts.

Carter says he’s winning tonight to fulfill his destiny.

The announcers talk about the upcoming JB/Joseph Park vs. Josh Matthews/??? match at Slammiversary. We’ll find out Matthews’ partner tonight.

KM/Kongo Kong vs. Braxton Sutter/Mahabali Shera

Sutter and Kong get things going with JB saying we’re in for a treat with Kong in the ring. JB needs to learn the definition of “treat”. Allie gets in an argument with Sienna/Laurel Van Ness as Shera can’t slam Kong. He can slam KM but stops due to a Laurel distraction. Since it was just a slam, KM pops up and takes over on Shera. An elbow to the jaw keeps Shera in trouble and it’s back to Kong for a headbutt (giving us quite the jiggle).

Kong hits a belly to belly and a rolling backsplash to take us to a break. Back with Sutter getting the hot tag to clean house, including a middle rope neckbreaker for two on KM. Everything breaks down and the women get into it again, leaving Shera and KM down in the ring. Allie crossbodies both of them, followed by Kong headbutting Shera into a rollup (with trunks) for the pin at 11:30.

Rating: D+. This feud is still going despite not much really changing. It’s still fallout from the wedding but, other than having more people brought in, it doesn’t feel like anything has changed since then. Shera really only seems to be there for the sake of the India tour (at least he wasn’t made World Champion) and Kong is just an embarrassment from a physical standpoint. The feud isn’t horrible but I could go for a fresh plot point instead of just adding a new name.

The guys fight to the back with Allie being surrounded. Cue Rosemary of all people for the save, including mist to Sienna and the Red Wedding to Laurel. So the evil Rosemary is now face yet Allie still can’t get a big win? That seems to be taking a few too many steps in the booking.

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War

The winners get LAX in the finals because we had a four team tournament to crown a second pair of champions, assuming you don’t count the titles that Bahh and Bokara bring with them. Bokara and Wilcox start things off with a toss into the corner allowing the tag off to Mayweather.

A shot to the face gives Mayweather a little trouble and it’s off to the huge Bahh. Mayweather walks into a Samoan drop, allowing Bahh to bite his own fingers for some reason. Bahh misses a charge into the post and it’s off to Wilcox to clean house. A missed charge sends Bahh to the floor so Mayweather can kick him in the face. The MOAB ends Bokara at 5:08.

Rating: D. Bokara and Bahh haven’t done a thing for me since they debuted and that’s still the case now. It’s an average guy and a low rent Yokozuna imitation which isn’t exactly worth much as a team. The Veterans on the other hand are rather awesome and I’m digging them more every time I see them.

Magnus is ready to win the title shot.

Here’s Matthews to make his announcement. Josh calls JB into the ring to talk about making up for all of his mistakes. Matthews loves Jim Ross, who is the greatest announcer of all time (to clarify: they’re fighting over an announcer who has never and likely never will work here). He’s now a Vice President of the company (Fans: “WASTE OF MONEY!”) and has to act as such. As Pope rips on how stupid this is, Josh offers a handshake but gets cut off by Joseph Park.

We get a history of Josh lying and getting shoved down, which is enough to turn Josh back into his normal, ranting self (So the point of him being nice for two minutes was…..?). Josh goes on about how he should be the face of the Fight Network and calling all the major sporting events. He wants the match right now so here we go.

Josh Matthews vs. Joseph Park

The bell rings and twenty seconds later here’s SCOTT STEINER of all people, despite having lost about 50lbs of muscle since he was last here. No contest of course but JB and Park’s eyes bugging out are great.

JB and Park bail as Steiner shakes the barricade and beats up a fan as Josh hits Park low, allowing Steiner to put him in the Recliner. So to recap: Josh is married to an active wrestler but the only option was to bring in Scott Steiner. What was that chant again? WASTE OF MONEY?

Back from a break with a recap of what we just saw, because that’s really the top story in this company.

Video on Moose’s reign as Grand Champion.

Eli Drake says he isn’t going to change for anyone but has to back off from Moose, who is being held back by security. Moose agrees to give him a title shot next week but Chris Adonis comes in to help on the beatdown.

Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards vs. Angelina Love/Davey Richards

It’s a brawl in the aisle to start until the guys officially get things going. Davey rips at Eddie’s face and shouts that Eddie made him do this. Eddie sends him outside for the suicide dive, leaving Alisha to hit one of her own on Angelina as we take a break. Back with Davey slapping on a Figure Four for a good while until Eddie fights up for some chops. Josh makes a nice mention of the Manchester attacks as Eddie gets a hot tag to Alisha, meaning it’s off to the women. Alisha misses a high crossbody but comes back with a rollup for the pin at 11:48.

Rating: C-. This was more about Eddie vs. Davey but it’s a good idea to have Alisha get her feet wet like this. The division is dying for some more talent and Edwards would be better than a lot of their options. The match was nothing special but it’s another case of a feud continuing after it probably should have ended, or at least taken a break. Davey vs. Eddie is still good but it needs an endpoint, which I’d assume is at Slammiversary.

Post match Davey handcuffs Eddie as Alisha is powerbombed through a table.

Spud isn’t here tonight (despite saying he would be and given that IT’S A TAPED SHOW that shouldn’t be hard to avoid) but promises to be back next week. As he’s talking, Spud’s mom yells at him from upstairs. Spud: “KAYFABE MOM! KAYFABE!” As usual, Spud is funnier than pretty much everyone else in this promotion.

Magnus vs. Ethan Carter III vs. James Storm

The winner jumps past Alberto for the title shot at Slammiversary, which I’m sure will change. It’s a brawl to start with Carter being sent out to the floor, leaving the other two to chop it out. The fight heads outside in a hurry with Storm taking a double suplex onto the ramp as we take a break.

Back with Josh making fun of JB as the weapons are brought in for the first time. Storm takes a kendo stick to the back but heel miscommunication sees Magnus and Carter both take stick shots. Magnus realizes that’s not a bad thing and unloads on Carter, allowing Storm to make his comeback with a clothesline.

Some chops allow Storm to grab a chair of his own for some hard shots. Carter breaks it up and gets two off the TK3 to Storm, only to be sent to the floor. Storm’s Last Call is countered into a Cloverleaf but Carter makes the save with a chair. The 1%er gets two on Magnus, followed by a Codebreaker with a chair getting the same on Carter.

A Tower of Doom sends Storm flying but he sends Storm heads first into a chair in the corner. Magnus makes the save with a top rope elbow for two. Josh: “You know they’re watching in the UK right now!” The show airs on Friday night Josh, so I doubt that’s true. Storm hits a Last Call on Magnus but Carter throws him to the floor and steals the pin at 20:10.

Rating: B-. Good match but does anyone really believe Carter vs. Lashley is officially set in stone and actually happening now? Like, we’re just supposed to believe that Alberto is going to do something else? I mean, I know common sense isn’t TNA’s strong suit but I could actually see them having two World Title matches and stretching it out to Bound For Glory to make sure they drain any interest people might have in the story. Anyway, good action packed match here and while Carter would have been the favorite, he didn’t feel like a lock to win.

Overall Rating: D+. Once they get done with these double titles, they might actually have something. The problem again comes down to these marathon tapings. You can only go so far with the one idea and it’s probably asking a bit much to have the writers come up with something that fresh in a hurry. Unfortunately that means we’re stuck with stories dragging on forever and a severe lack of steam when they reach the end of a taping cycle. The show was still good but it’s needing a breath of fresh air and I don’t think Scott Steiner is the solution they’re looking for.

Results

Kongo Kong/KM b. Braxton Sutter/Mahabali Shera – Rollup to Shera

Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – MOAB to Bokara

Josh Matthews vs. Joseph Park went to a no contest when Scott Steiner interfered

Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards b. Angelina Love/Davey Richards – Rollup to Love

Ethan Carter III b. Magnus and James Storm – Last Call to Magnus

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 19, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back to Orlando as Impact is featuring the X-Division again, this time in an Ultimate X match. Other than that we have the fallout from Alberto El Patron winning the GFW World Title last week, which is now the top story in the promotion as Lashley doesn’t seem to defend his TNA World Title anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of LAX disrespecting the fallen Decay and promising to win the GFW Tag Team Titles. The Veterans of War came out to clean house. We also see a clip of El Patron winning the title.

Preview of Ultimate X.

Opening sequence.

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: LAX vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

So the Impact Tag Team Champions are in this tournament too? Didn’t they learn anything from the WCW/NWA Tag Team Title mess in 1992? It’s a brawl to start with LAX being sent outside for stereo moonsaults from Kid and Jr. Back in and Ortiz stomps on Kid in the corner until a crossbody drops the champ.

A Death Valley Driver connects on Laredo but Jr. tagged himself in so there’s no count. Everything breaks down with Garza getting beaten down, including a few cheap shots from Homicide. It’s nice for him to earn his check like that. Or the pile of office supplies that TNA probably used to pay him.

Santana kicks Garza in the back for two but he tells LAX to stop so he can strip…..and they’re nice enough to let him. After that ridiculous moment, Laredo comes in to speed things up. Santana and Laredo clothesline each other and we take a break. Back with Ortiz getting catapulted into a superkick, followed by a Lionsault for two. Diamante grabs a hurricanrana to take out Garza, leaving Laredo Kid to take a Canadian Destroyer and the Sweet Sweeper for the pin at 12:02.

Rating: B-. Good match here as they continue the solid wrestling around here. I’m not sure when that started happening but I’m hoping they keep it up. Now if only we can unify the titles or just drop one set of them as there’s no reason to have two tag team titles around here (or anywhere for that matter).

JB’s fans mock Josh but there’s no JB in sight.

Magnus comes up to Bruce Prichard in the back and wants to know what’s going on around here. Why is Bruce messing with Magnus’ career? Bruce says Magnus is out of the picture now (so much for rematch clauses) but Magnus promises to do something about it.

Video on Laurel Van Ness bringing in Kongo Kong (who she found…..somewhere) to take care of Braxton Sutter and Allie.

Kongo Kong vs. Braxton Sutter

Sutter ducks the fat man offense to start and slips out of a powerslam. That’s about it for him though as a belly to belly crushes Braxton. Kong shouts a lot as Laurel is playing with lipstick. Braxton avoids the Cannonball in the corner and hammers away but can’t drop the big man. Clotheslines and a bicycle kick don’t put him down so Kongo splashes him in the corner, followed by an Emerald Flowsion for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but Kong continues to be disappointing in the ring. I love what Laurel is doing but if this doesn’t end with Sutter and Allie standing tall, I have no idea what they’re going for here. Those two should be one of the harder pushed acts in the company and instead they’re jobbing in midcard matches. I don’t quite get that.

Post match KM and Sienna come in and beat on Sutter while Allie is forced to watch. Mahabali Shera comes in for the save. Did I mention they’re going to India for tapings soon? Sutter issues a challenge for a tag match next week.

We look back at last week’s X-Division triple threat with Andrew Everett getting the win.

Matt Sydal loves the competition around here.

Video on the history of Ultimate X. This is cool, but it would be nicer if I believed any of these people had a chance of moving up the ladder to the main event scene.

Karen Jarrett makes Eddie Edwards/Alisha vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love for next week. Magnus walks by and doesn’t pay any attention to her.

We look at EC3 whipping James Storm. That was quite the segment.

Ethan Carter III vs. James Storm

Well that’s…..sudden. Magnus is on commentary. Storm brings in his own strap but opts to clothesline Carter in the corner instead. The referee pulls Storm away so Carter can hit him from behind to really take over. Ethan is smart enough to go after the injured back before switching to the knee for no logical reason.

We hit the chinlock for a bit as the announcers discuss who may or may not be a stooge. A running knee to the back sends Storm outside but James gets in a kick to the side of the head. Magnus won’t let him use the strap though, drawing out Prichard to eject him. Back from a break with Carter working on a half camel clutch and slapping Storm in the back. That has no effect either so Storm grabs a neckbreaker, only to get crotched on top. The TK3 drops Storm and it’s strap time but Carter shoves the referee for the DQ at 14:55.

Rating: D+. I know we’re coming up on a rematch between these two, likely with the strap involved at Slammiversary, but this was an awkward choice for the followup to last week’s angle. Not only was Storm mostly fine but he didn’t seem to really want to hurt Carter. That should have set up a big brawling segment and instead it was mostly a regular match. Not the most logical move here.

Carter whips the referee but Storm makes the save, only to have Magnus come in and beat him down. That’s not cool with Carter so he argues with Magnus. Bruce Prichard comes out again and makes a triple threat for next week. Prichard isn’t done yet as he tells Carter to go find his testicles, earning himself a shove to the mat.

Spud is coming for Swoggle next week.

GFW Women’s Title: Sienna vs. ODB

ODB is challenging. Sienna wastes no time in throwing her to the floor before they trade splashes in the corner. The head shoves into the crotch have Sienna in trouble but the middle rope Thesz press misses. Sienna pounces her for the pin at 2:45. This was nothing.

The announcers bicker until JB comes out, carrying a microphone. JB has hired an attorney and he’s back around here full time. The attorney is Joseph Park, who I believe we established WASN’T A REAL ATTORNEY BECAUSE HE’S ABYSS. JB is back on commentary so Josh bickers with Park, who he calls Abyss. Park: “You get my insides burning just like my aunt’s famous chili.” A challenge is issued for a tag match if Josh can find a partner for Slammiversary. We have to listen to this build for another SIX WEEKS. Josh leaves to find a partner now and JB takes his place.

We look back at Patron winning the title last week.

Patron is happy to have won and praises Magnus’ skill.

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and this is Ultimate X, basically meaning a ladder match where you have to crawl across ropes instead of climbing in the middle. The champ is in a suit again and kicks away to start but gets sent into the metal structure that holds the cables when he tries to get the belt. Everett scores with the Frankendriver but Lee shoves both of them off the apron and into the barricade.

Back from an early break with Low Ki down, leaving Lee to send Everett into the corner again. Lee throws the champ outside again as the announcers ignore the match to talk about what we’re seeing next week. Everett is alone in the ring so of course he goes with a springboard shooting star press instead of grabbing the title. For some reason Low Ki is up first so Everett dropkicks him down.

Lee throws a chair to knock Everett off the ropes….but it bounces back and hits him in the head too. Low Ki gets back in and punches the chair into Lee’s face, only to eat the standing double stomp. Somehow the champ is up first again and he takes off the jacket to make things even more serious.

Everett ties him up in the structure but here’s Gregory Helms with a super swinging neckbreaker to drop Everett again. Lee stands on Helms’ shoulders and goes for the belt but OF COURSE Low Ki is back up for the save. The champ goes to the top of the structure and drops through the middle, knocks down both challengers and retains the title at 17:15.

Rating: B. Good match, Low Ki’s selling issues aside. This is the kind of thing that the X-Division thrives at but they really need a singles feud that lasts a long time and actually sets up a one on one match. Everett winning the title at Slammiversary would make sense, but they seemed to be setting up Sonjay Dutt for that role instead. Still though, fun match here and hopefully we get Lee vs. Everett in a big blowoff soon.

Overall Rating: B-. Maybe the Jarretts really were the answer, as this show keeps getting better week after week. There’s still a lot of things that need to be fixed (like waiting six weeks for the second blowoff to Josh vs. JB) but what they’re doing well, they’re doing very well. I don’t have a ton of faith in them keeping this going but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Results

LAX b. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Street Sweeper to Kid

Kongo Kong b. Braxton Sutter – Emerald Flowsion

James Storm b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter hit the referee

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee – Low Ki pulled down the belt

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