Impact Wrestling
Date: January 16, 2014
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight is the first night of a double week Genesis special. There are a lot of matches set up for the next two weeks but it’s not clear which are tonight. We’ll be getting some combination of Ethan Carter III vs. Sting, Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode in a cage, James Storm vs. Gunner for the Feast or Fired case and Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson. TNA usually nails these Clash of the Champions style shows so let’s get to it.

We open with a very nice tribute to Mae Young with Tazz saying some kind things about his time with her. Nothing wrong with that.

Recap of the unification match from last week.

Spud is in the ring to insult Alabama and introduce Dixie Carter, in case you didn’t get enough of her last week. We get the usual don’t cross the boss speech before Dixie gives us our second recap of last week’s events. The fans want AJ but Dixie says tonight is about the new champion. Magnus comes out to do the same speech you’ve heard a dozen times about how this is a new era and calls it the Reign of Magnus. He hands Dixie one of the titles because we wouldn’t be here without her.

Dixie says there are some others to thank and brings out the BroMans, Zema Ion, Gail Kim, Lei’D Tapa, Bad Influence and Bobby Roode. Tonight is the beginning of Dixie Carter’s TNA, but for that to happen, everyone has to stand tall and united as one. The only amusing part of this: as Dixie talks about winning tonight, Spud can barely hold the TNA title belt because he’s so small. That guy continues to entertain me. Dixie brings out Ethan Carter III in pink ring gear, making him look like Rick Martel. Before Ethan can say anything, the lights go out and Sting is in the crowd, pointing the bat down to the ring as we take a break.

Back with Sting in the same place, asking if this is the future that Dixie is talking about. There are a lot of people in the back that can’t be bought no matter what. They have a thing called honor which is something Dixie can never have. Another amusing note: Sting is standing in front of a No Standing sign. Sting talks about bringing Magnus into the Main Event Mafia because he’s the future of wrestling.

No one thought he would sell out though, and that’s part of why this is a house divided. Sting says “we” will fight back tonight but Dixie says she only sees him. Samoa Joe, ODB, Eric Young, James Storm and Joseph Park hit the ring for a fight, soon to be joined by Gunner. Eventually the ring is cleared out except for Sting and Carter with Sting holding the bat up to Carterh’s chest and blasting him in the ribs as we take another break.

Back with the good guys ruling the ring and the heels cowering on the ramp. Joe says they’re here for a fight and not leaving until they get into one. Spud, in pink pants no less, brings out Brian Hebner, saying Joe might just get what they want. We’re getting a twelve man tag RIGHT NOW.

Samoa Joe/James Storm/Gunner/ODB/Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Lei’D Tapa/Zema Ion/Bro Mans/Bad Influence

Joe pounds away on Zema Ion to start as everyone else fights on the floor. We get the always cool sidestep from Joe to avoid a middle rope cross body. ODB and Tapa get into the ring for a few moments until Storm and Daniels come in instead. There have been no tags and only now are a handful of people getting on the apron. Gunner throws Kaz to the floor and now there’s no one in the ring.

Eric and Robbie get into the ring as Joe is now on his third corner of the match. Young and Park double elbow Jesse but Robbie breaks up Eric’s top rope elbow. Zema sends Eric to the floor but turns around to see ODB grabbing her chest. A fall away slam sends Ion flying but Tapa runs ODB down, knocking her to the floor. Daniels comes in to work over Young and gets two off a leg lariat.

Young comes back with a belly to belly suplex and it’s off to Joe for some fat man power. The backsplash gets two on Daniels with Kaz making the save. Joe dives through the ropes to take out the Bro Mans as a lot of things break down. Kaz breaks up an attempted Park dive but busts Park’s lip open in the process. For the first time ever, Park goes after his partners by taking down Gunner and Storm, leaving Joe to put Daniels in the Clutch for the tap out at 7:32.

Rating: D+. This was straight out of the Russo playbook: throw everyone out there at once and hope the fans are so impressed by the insanity that they don’t care about the lack of a story. TNA is walking a very thin line right now with this latest heel stable, even if it’s a looser version than usual. Hopefully it doesn’t turn out like the rest, but that’s probably the case.

Velvet Sky is seen talking to Austin Aries in the back until Chris Sabin comes up and demands to talk to her in the ring.

Kurt Angle arrives and is looking for Dixie and/or Al Snow, the latter of whom told Angle that he had a family emergency.

Sabin is in the ring to yell at Velvet for having secret meetings with Austin Aries but the man himself interrupts. Aries calls Sabin the worst boyfriend ever and says that even though he’s a vegan, he might make an exception for a piece of pigeon pie. Velvet looks flattered and Aries keeps up the charm by calling Velvet an extremely hot woman.

Chris cuts Aries off by saying he tells Velvet what to do, but Aries says he’s been telling Velvet to do what she wants to do. Sabin says she’s his and gives her a little spank to prove it. Austin wants one more match with Sabin for the title and Velvet locked in a small cage at ringside. Sabin says no, but Velvet takes the mic and says she’ll do it. She goes off on Sabin by saying she never wanted to be involved in this. Sabin has treated her like garbage lately, so if he loses next week she might be looking for someone else.

Angle has already changed into his wrestling gear and is still looking for Dixie.

Pat Kenney (I think) tells a cameraman to shoot everything he sees backstage. Sam Shaw comes by and Kenney congratulates him on his match last week, but politely advises Shaw to stay away from Christy Hemme and focus on his career. Shaw snaps and destroys Kenney, beating him down with Kenney’s own shoe. Also it’s Samuel, not Sam.

Ethan Carter practices his catchphrase when Magnus comes in to say believe in yourself. Magnus got to the top by himself and Ethan can do the same.

Bully Ray comes to the ring for his No DQ match with Anderson but Ken jumps him from behind as we go to a break before a bell.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

No DQ. We come back from a break with Anderson ramming Ray (back in his old pre-Aces attire and music) into the announcers’ table and heading back inside, only to have Ray block the Mic Check. A double clothesline puts both guys down as Tazz talks about Anderson wearing the hospital wristbands for his newborn twins. Both guys bring in chairs but it’s Anderson getting in the first shot.

Ray comes back with a spear to put both guys down again and grabs his chain for a whipping. An elbow drop with the chain wrapped arund the arm gets two on Anderson but Ray stops to yell at Earl, allowing Anderson to knock Ray’s chair into his face with a chair of his own for two. Anderson pulls out a piece of a barricade that is clearly made of plastic, only to have it kicked into his face.

Ray misses a splash, allowing Anderson to go up for the Swanton. He hits the barricade as well but comes back with a Mic Check onto the “steel” for two. Anderson sets up a table in the corner and hits a Regal Roll through the wood for another two count. These kickouts are getting surprising. Another table is set up but Ray comes back with a Rock Bottom for two of his own. Bully pulls out the lighter fluid but takes too long to yell about Anderson’s newborns. A Mic Check puts Ray down but Anderson gos to light the table on fire instead. Ray hits a quick low blow and piledriver for the pin 9:40.

Rating: C. This falls under the “screw wrestling and let’s fight” category and that’s what it should have been. Ray is SO much better in this role than he was as the head of the lame biker gang which makes you all the more annoyed at Bischoff for having to fulfill his childhood dreams on national TV. Good fight here though not much of a match.

Angle finds Al Snow and demands to know what happened last week. Al says he was just following orders and gets thrown down.

Post break Angle is in the ring to demand that Dixie come face him right now. She went too far by bringing his family in and here’s Dixie to respond. Kurt goes on a rant about how Dixie isn’t the same person she used to be and how wrong it was to bring Kurt’s wife and kids into this situation. Dixie says she did it to protect him because he would have gotten hurt out here last week, meaning he couldn’t make her any money.

She doesn’t want him to be like AJ or Jeff Hardy and did what she did because it was best. Angle says he isn’t on her team but says he’ll be out here for the main event. Dixie postpones the match until next week and has Angle taken out by security. Roode comes in off the distraction and lays him out with the Death Valley Driver (dubbed the Roode Bomb).

Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa jump Madison Rayne before Rayne’s title shot.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is challenging but is still beaten down from the attack from before the break. Kim beats her down even more by stomping away in the corner but Madison comes back with a rollup for two of her own. Madison can’t shake off all of the punishment from earlier though and staggers down off a forearm to the head. A shoulder block sends the champion to the floor but Tapa runs Madison over and chokes her down. Tapa is finally ejected but Gail does just fine by putting on the Figure Four around the post. The referee breaks it up and Rayne comes back with a flapjack and the Rayne Drop for the pin and the title at 4:00.

Rating: D. Just a match here but at least it ended the less than enthralling Gail Kim title reign. Kim is very talented in the ring but she’s a black hole of charisma, making her title reigns very difficult to sit through. Rayne could be an improvement if she’s actually given the chance to do something different.

Dixie is with The Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards of course) and offers them a tryout match next week. However, they’ve already signed contracts offered to them by a TNA investor. Eddie hands her an envelope, saying it’ll change everything. Oh dear.

We run down the card for next week’s show.

Sting vs. Ethan Carter III

Spud is guest referee to really keep the deck stacked. Sting takes Carter into the corner and is immediately warned for his actions. Carther does the same and nothing happens as you would expect. A dropkick sends Carter to the floor and Sting rams him into the steps for good measure. Back in and Spud gets in the way of a Stinger Splash attempt, allowing Ethan to take over with right hands of his own.

Sting avoids a splash and puts on the Scorpion but Spud jumps on his back. Instead Sting hits the Death Drop but Spud still won’t count. Sting tries to force Spud’s hand down but Magnus pulls Spud to safety. The champion takes his shirt off to reveal a referee’s shirt. Ethan uses the distraction to roll up Sting and Magnus makes a fast count for the pin at 4:58.

Rating: D. This was all angle instead of a match. That being said, I’m already getting sick of the latest heel stable dominance with Sting fighting against the evil authority. We’ve covered this so many times already and there’s almost nothing new that can be done with this idea.

Post break Sting says he wants one shot at the title and will do anything to get it. Magnus says Sting lost at Slammiversary and can’t get a shot, but Sting appeals to his pride, saying Magnus must want to earn the title. He says men wear belts, so Magnus needs to stop being a boy. Magnus gets in the ring and says it’s not going to work, but offers Sting a deal: next week it’s Sting’s contract vs. the title. Sting accepts to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade. Believe it or not, I’m really digging everything in TNA other than the main event. The Ray solo heel character works, Sabin vs. Aries with Velvet in the middle is a nice midcard feud and Angle vs. Roode is an excellent feud in general. Then there’s the main event, which is every stereotype TNA has rolled into one bloated feud. It’s yet another heel stable/power struggle with Sting being the great white knight for the company. Count up how many times TNA has done that story and stop when you get to the second hand. I think that sums up everything wrong at the moment.

Results

James Storm/Gunner/ODB/Samoa Joe/Eric Young/Joseph Park b. Bad Influence/Zema Ion/Bro Mans/Lei’D Tapa – Koquina Clutch to Daniels

Bully Ray b. Mr. Anderson – Piledriver

Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim – Rayne Drop

Ethan Carter III b. Sting – Rollup

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 9, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the final taped show in a long series of them as we’re closing in on Genesis next week. The main story tonight is the World Title unification match between AJ Styles and Magnus which has had a full week’s worth of hype. On top of that, Kurt Angle has an open challenge to anyone willing to step inside of a cage with him. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here’s Dixie in a sweater and skirt that belongs on a 22 year old. She doesn’t want to put up with this nonsense tonight so AJ needs to get out here and sign this contract. AJ comes out but Dixie goes into a long rant about how the contract is for one night only and the match tonight is going to be No DQ. She wants Magnus to leave AJ bloodied and broken and carried out on a stretcher tonight so he’ll be out of her life forever.

AJ says she must have a lot of confidence in her champion, just like she did at Bound For Glory when she bet against AJ and lost. Before signing, AJ says there are boys in the back that hate Dixie just as much as he does and they don’t mind coming out here to help him tonight. Dixie says those people weren’t there for him over the last 11 years like she was when she was feeding his wife and kids.

She owns those people and will be the one to break AJ Styles. AJ says Dixie doesn’t get wrestling because it’s supposed to be about two wrestlers but Dixie keeps screwing it up. The belt got respect when AJ won it while the paper champion was hiding under Dixie’s skirt, so here’s Magnus to keep this segment going.

Magnus asks Dixie to leave the ring and gets in AJ’s face for calling him a paper champion. The last image anyone had of AJ is him running away, just like he’ll be doing after Magnus gets done with him tonight. Magnus leaves and AJ talks about how it took eleven years to get him to the title, which is the kind of hard work Magnus doesn’t understand.

Post break Dixie tells Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa to make sure they take care of something.

Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Bro Mans

Non-title. Dixie is shown in the back telling the Bro Mans how serious this is. I have a bad feeling about a running theme tonight. Eric starts fast with Robbie and tries to do a Flair strut after being sent into the corner but instead slides through his legs for a sunset flip. A belly to belly puts Jessie down and Eric loads up the top rope elbow but we see Gail and Tapa beating up ODB in the back.

Eric runs off to help, leaving Joseph to get double teamed. Park gets beaten down into the corner but runs both champions over with shoulder blocks and slams. Robbie’s cross body just bounces off Park so he chop blocks Park down instead. The Bro Down (Hart Attack) is good for the pin at 3:27.

Rating: D+. This was more about the story than the match as it seems Dixie has recruited the Bro Mans and Gail Kim and Tapa. It’s probably better that was as we haven’t had a heel stable in all of six weeks around here. The match was nothing to see and the less Eric Young I have to see, the better.

Post match the Bro Mans remove a piece of the barricade and put it in the ring, setting up a Bro Down on Park onto the steel.

Joe goes into Dixie’s office (fourth appearance in 25 minutes) and says he’ll have AJ’s back tonight. Dixie says Joe has a match with Ethan Carter III tonight, but Joe says Ethan’s blood is on Dixie’s hands tonight.

Eric carries ODB to an ambulance, sending Sting off to find Dixie.

James Storm is in the ring and wants to talk to Gunner right now. Gunner comes to the ring and Storm talks about being part of some of the best tag teams ever in wrestling history. You have to check your ego if you’re going to be part of a team, but if loving the fans chanting Cowboy means you have a big ego, he has the biggest ego of all time. The world title has split up Beer Money, America’s Most Wanted and now the two of them.

Gunner says Storm can keep his ego because he has the case. Storm knew the risk he was taking in Feast or Fired and Gunner played by the rules. James says let’s hang the case up one more time because Gunner can’t do it again in another match. They shake on it and I think we have either a briefcase on a pole or a ladder match, presumably for next week.

Ethan Carter jumps Joe in the back.

We come back with Ethan and Joe slugging it out on the stage before Joe punches Ethan down the ramp.

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe

They ight into the ring and we get a bell with Joe taking over with his usual stuff. The backsplash gets two and Carter is knocked into the corner for the enziguri, only to have Carter come out with a dropkick to the knee. Ethan goes after the knee as the fans tell Carter he can’t wrestle. Joe breaks up something off the top and goes for the MuscleBuster, only to have Spud grab Joe’s leg. The distraction lets Carter get in a shot to the knee for a…..no contest at 2:50? Shouldn’t it be a DQ?

Carter hits Joe’s knee with a wrench to really put him out.

Angle promises to wreck anyone who gets in a cage with him tonight because he’ll be seeing Bobby Roode.

We recap all the injures tonight.

Joe refuses to be taken to the hospital but is forced to go.

James Storm and Gunner have been attacked by whiskey bottles. Sting sees them and goes through the door to find Dixie (5^th appearance) for a good yelling about the events tonight. She says this is a dangerous business but Sting says she can be turned back. He asks what happened to her but Dixie yells at him for trying to be Dr. Phil. Sting has a match tonight with an unnamed opponent.

Kurt Angle vs. ???

In a cage with an open challenge. Angle waits and gets…..Bobby Roode? He doesn’t come to the cage though because he’s got a mic. In seven days Angle is going to lose inside the cage and his Hall of Fame induction will be gone forever. Roode says Angle can get him in the cage next week, but for tonight it’s two on one.

Kurt Angle vs. Bad Influence

Daniels goes through the door as Kaz tries to climb the cage. Angle puts Christopher down and goes after Kaz, only to get crotched on the top. Daniels sends Angle into the cage as Kaz comes in with a top rope ax handle to give Christopher two. Angle is rammed back first into the cage as Bad Influence keeps up their double teaming. He grabs a small package on Daniels but Kaz grabs the referee to prevent a count.

A spinning springboard legdrop gets two on Angle but he pops up with the suplexes for everyone. We get Germans, belly to bellys and more Germans before Kaz breaks up the Angle Slam on Daniels. Kaz tries to leave but gets superplexed down, landing on Daniels in the process. Angle sends Daniels hard into the cage before the Angle Slam pins Kaz at 6:11.

Rating: C+. Kurt Angle just knows how to have a good cage match. The good thing here is that Bad Influence can lose over and over again but keep coming back through their hilarious antics. The match with Roode next week is going to be great as those two have the chemistry to have an awesome match every time they’re out there.

Dixie (6^th appearance) says leave the cage up. Bobby Roode comes in and is told he has a cage match tonight. Roode assumes it’s with Angle but it’s against Sting. Bobby freaks out as you would expect him to. Dixie promises to have him covered.

Angle is having pictures taken with some fans when Al Snow comes up in a car, saying Angle has to get to the airport for an emergency.

Bobby Roode vs. Sting

In a cage as well. I didn’t hear a bell but Sting takes him into the corner, only to be taken down by a shoulder block. Sting blocks being rammed into the cage but Roode does the same. A Stinger Splash hits Roode’s feet and Roode gets two off a clothesline. Sting won’t let Bobby go through the door and stops a charging Roode with a boot and elbow to the jaw.

Roode comes back with a spinebuster for two but Sting breaks up another escape attempt. Sting slams him off the top in classic fashion before ramming Roode into the cage a few times. A pair of Stinger Splashes sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock but here are Ethan and Spud to interfere. Spud distracts the referee, allowing Spud to send in a baton so Roode can lay Sting out and escape at 7:10.

Rating: C-. This was mainly just killing time until the interfering ending but it wasn’t that bad for the most part. Tonight is a one story show and it got old about half an hour ago. Sting works best in quick bursts like this and the match wasn’t bad due to how short it was. Still though, two cage matches not combining to go fifteen minutes isn’t something I can get behind.

Earlier today, Mr. Anderson entered a funeral home to finish this with Ray.

We recap Ray trying to set Joseph park on fire last week.

Anderson is in the funeral home where Aces and 8’s were laid to rest. Ray is sitting in the corner with his sunglasses on and Anderson says let’s finish this. Bully says if he wanted to finish this, he would have done it last week with the lighter. That’s too forgiving of him though because he wants this to last. He says there’s something in his other hand that doesn’t smell as nice (lighter fluid?) before talking about Anderson taking everything from him.

Ray wants his loneliness to encompass Anderson’s life. Next week is Genesis, or the beginning, but it means the end for Anderson. He talks about Anderson throwing the Aces and 8’s colors in the coffin and tells Anderson to go look at what’s in there now. Anderson goes to look and gets ad before turning back to see Ray gone. We see what appears to be baby clothes in Anderson’s hands.

We recap the attacks tonight.

Sting comes into Dixie’s office (7^th appearance tonight) and says it takes more than that to put him down. Dixie says it’s contract season and implies that she’ll pay Sting to side with her.

We recap the AJ vs. Dixie situation and hype the main event.

We run down the stacked Genesis card.

TNA World Title: AJ Styles vs. Magnus

No DQ and both guys are champion coming in. Magnus immediately goes to the floor and does it again for a second time in less than ninety seconds. No contact yet. Magnus gets back in but here are Ethan Carter and Spud to jump AJ before any contact is made. AJ fights them off and superkicks Magnus in the ribs but Carter breaks up a Styles Clash attempt. Sting finally comes out for the save but doesn’t do anything as AJ saves himself. Magnus bails to the floor and we take a break.

Back with the two champions still not making contact as the Bro Mans and Zema Ion come out to jump Sting and AJ and giving us six run-ins in less than eight minutes. Zema DDTs AJ and the Bro Down gets a delayed two on Styles. Sting comes back in as Magnus just chills at ringside. The Brit finally comes back in and AJ quickly loads up the Clash, only to have Bad Influence make the save and lay him out with a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo.

Earl Hebner refuses to count so Dixie and Brian Hebner get us to ELEVEN people coming out for this match. Bad Influence goes High/Low on AJ for two and Brian gets yelled at. Sting lays out the Bro Mans with a double Death Drop on the floor before putting Ion in the Deathlock. AJ fights back against Bad Influence as Sting comes in to help even more. We’re down to Magnus vs. AJ with Styles getting the Calf Killer, only to have Kazarian take out the referee.

Kazarian monkey flips AJ into Daniels but AJ clotheslines him down and Peles Kaz. Now the Styles Clash takes out Magnus but there’s no referee. Earl Hebner hobbles back out (we’ll call that #12) to count two before AJ dives over the top to take out Bad Influence yet again. AJ goes up top but Bobby Roode makes it #13 by shoving Styles into the ropes. Three AA/DVDs lay AJ out for about the fifth time, giving Magnus the pin (thanks to referee #3 and the fourteenth person added to the match) and the undisputed title at 15:47. Sting was being held back by most of the heels in case you were wondering.

Rating: D. So they spent all night hyping up the match before going full Russo on it. That’s what we spent months and months building to? The match was definitely energetic but we really had to spend all this time setting up Dixie with her corporate champion? Assuming AJ leaving isn’t a HUGE swerve, this was one of the biggest wastes of time I can remember in years.

Dixie and Magnus pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The Angle and Ray/Anderson stuff was good but WOW the rest of it got on my nerves in a hurry. This was one of TNA’s biggest problems flaring up all over again: putting everything on one idea and going full blast with it until the fans are sick of the story. Genesis looks stacked but man alive this show got annoying fast. Dixie just doesn’t do it for me as the top heel and the lack of planning with AJ basically makes everything since the summer a waste of time.

Results

Bro Mans b. Joseph Park/Eric Young – Bro Down to Park

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe went to a no contest

Kurt Angle b. Bad Influence – Angle Slam to Kazarian

Bobby Roode b. Sting – Roode escaped the cage

Magnus b. AJ Styles – Magnus pinned Styles after a Death Valley Driver from Bobby Roode

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 2, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

The main story tonight is the coronation of Magnus as the new world champion, which screams AJ Styles return. It’s clear that they’re setting up a unification match in the near future which should be interesting, even if the result has been spoiled by the latest news with Styles. Other than that we could see more of whatever Bully Ray was talking about last week when he promised to be more evil than ever. Let’s get to it.

Aries vs. Sabin for the X Title tonight.

Here’s Angle to open things up. He talks about 2013 being the worst year of his career which is why he declined the Hall of Fame induction. Angle promises to make up for it in 2014 but here’s Bobby Roode to interrupt. Bobby thinks Angle is going to announce his retirement because he knows he can’t beat Bobby Roode. If that’s the case, Roode wants Angle to admit that Roode is the better man face to face.

Kurt says he’s here to make it clear that he’ll dominate 2014. That’s why he wants one more match with Bobby, which sends Roode into fits of shouting WHAT. He turns Angle down because he has nothing left to prove to either Angle or the fans. Roode finally agrees to the match at Genesis, but if Angle loses, he can never go into the Hall of Fame. Angle agrees as long as the match can be in a steel cage. Roode shouts a lot more and says it’s on. They brawl again until referees and Spud come out to break it up. Spud gets shoved down so he says both guys can find a partner for a tag match tonight.

Dixie says she’s spent eleven years trying to find the perfect champion and she’ll find it tonight. She walks through a door and is given a note saying See You Tonight.

After a break, Spud is tasked with finding out who sent the note.

Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

This is part of the Open Challenge. Madison poses on the middle rope but dives off with a cross body to get us going. Gail gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with some mounted right hands. Madison armdrags her down but Tapa pulls Rayne out to the floor. Back in and Gail puts on a surfboard with a dragon sleeper to bend Madison in some very impressive directions.

Gail lets go of the hold and it’s a double clothesline to put both girls down. Eat Defeat is countered into a backslide for two before Madison goes to the middle rope, only to be slammed face first into the mat. Another Eat Defeat attempt is countered into a side roll by Madison for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: C-. The match was fine from a technical standpoint but there’s no emotion or interest in this division anymore. It’s just insert challenger here facing off with whoever the champion is that month with no significant story at all. Madison is a nice breath of air but it’s nothing that’s going to make things better long term.

Chris Sabin shushes Velvet Sky and threatens to leave her if she doesn’t do what he says tonight.

Angle gets Gunner to be his partner tonight when Storm comes up to say that’s interesting.

X-Division title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Aries is defending. Sabin hides in the corner to start until Aries takes over with a running dropkick. The Last Chancery has Sabin in early trouble but Aries lets go of the hold. Chris goes to the floor to yell at Velvet who says it’s not her match. Back in and Aries gets two off an elbow before busting out a stump puller of all things. A slingshot splash and Lionsault get two each for Aries but Sabin comes back with a belly to back suplex.

Aries gets caught in the Tree of Woe but does a situp to grab Sabin by the face and pull him down with a Diamond Cutter. Nice counter. Sabin bails to the floor and gets taken down with a double ax handle. Back in and Sabin tells Velvet to get on the apron as a distraction, allowing Chris to low blow Aries and grab a small package for the pin and the title at 5:45.

Rating: C+. This was fun while it lasted but it makes Aries’ title reign seem completely worthless. TNA is usually better about not changing titles back and forth at the drop of a hat so hopefully this doesn’t become a trend. I could however go for more of Velvet Sky in tight blue dresses.

Spud keeps looking for information about the note when he gets a call. No one is on the phone and Spud says he’s gotten four calls from that number. It’s a 678 area code, which Google says is the area code for Gainesville, Georgia.

Samuel Shaw vs. Norv Fernum

Shaw is in dress pants and a long sleeve shirt with black gloves. He escorts Christy to the floor and looks almost bored. A powerslam and Orton backbreaker have Fernum in trouble and a standing choke (imagine the start of a Rock Bottom but Shaw clasps his hands and chokes) gets the win for Shaw at 1:38.

James storm is going to show Angle why he made a mistake in picking Gunner. He opens a door and sees someone he’s been looking for.

Post break and of course Storm was talking to Roode. Storm says he hates Roode but needs to be his partner tonight to send a message. Roode says that’s not his problem and he doesn’t need Storm, just like always. Storm says he’ll be out there tonight one way or another.

Video on Magnus getting to the title.

James Storm/Bobby Roode vs. Gunner/Kurt Angle

Storm and Angle get things going with Kurt elbowing James in the face. Off to Roode vs. Gunner with Gunner going face first into the buckle. That seems to just make Gunner mad as he comes back with a slingshot suplex for two on Roode. Bobby comes back with a spinebuster but Storm tags himself in for some two counts and right hands to the head.

Beer Money hits the double suplex for a flashback as the old team starts getting their game together. Kurt has enough of standing on the apron and comes in to clean house with rolling Germans on Roode. There’s an overhead belly to belly on Storm followed by the ankle lock until Roode makes the save. Gunner picks Roode up in the Gun Rack but Storm Last Calls Gunner, allowing Roode to hit the Death Valley Driver for the pin at 6:40.

Rating: C+. Beer Money continues to have chemistry but I’m hoping this is a one off thing. Storm has been ready for a singles run for years now but they keep putting him into tag teams because that’s what he’s done before. The Gunner team was a step back for him and Beer Money would be an even bigger one. Both singles matches should rock though.

Spud accuses Sting of sending the note but Sting blows him off.

Here’s EC3 to brag about getting rid of Jeff Hardy. Even though Jeff is gone to write songs about the Creatures, EC3 tells Christy to introduce Jeff for a match. Naturally there’s no Jeff so Carter “wins” by forfeit. Carter counts to ten (“One, two, EC3”) but here’s Sting to interrupt. Sting calls Carter a dog who can’t do anything without his Aunt Dixie there to save him. Carter is just Dixie’s lap dog but Sting wants him to get off the leash and prove he’s a man. Ethan bails so Sting calls him a lap dog again. The fans agree with Sting’s nickname so Carter agrees to fight Sting at Genesis.

Joseph Park doesn’t remember turning into Abyss so it can’t be real. Eric Young has put him in a match with Bully Ray because Abyss wrestled Ray two years ago this week. Eric leaves and Ray comes up to say Park will be all alone tonight, just like Ray is now. Ray threatens to set Park on fire.

Joseph Park vs. Bully Ray

Ray stands in the corner in a hoodie, jeans and sunglasses. He looks up at Park and kicks him low for the DQ at 57 seconds. That was the only move of the match.

Post match Ray pulls out a bottle of lighter fluid and covers Park before pulling out a lighter. Mr. Anderson runs out for the save but Ray sprays him with fluid as well. There’s the lighter again but Ray turns it off and walks away.

It’s time for the coronation with Spud and Ethan in the ring in front of a throne, ferns and the Union Jack. Spud calls this bigger than the royal wedding and says Dixieland is a place where dreams come true. Ethan, the Master of Ceremonies, brags about how awesome he is and talks about how Magnus rules the world. He finally brings out Dixie who is booed out of the building. She talks about being on a plane to England and seeing a magazine article on AJ Styles. Then she saw a piece on Magnus who was a huge star in the United Kingdom and was all that (her words).

Here’s the champion in a nice suit with the title over his shoulder. Magnus: “This is your champion speaking. Please return your women to their full and upright positions.” Before Magnus goes anywhere he has to thank Dixie for everything she’s done for him over the years. Magnus knows that the fans expected Roode, Angle or even Hardy here but he proved everyone wrong. It wasn’t him that turned his back on the fans but rather the fans who turned on him. He’ll be world champion for a VERY long time but here’s Gunner with the briefcase as we go to our last break.

Back with Gunner saying he’s cashing in right now. Dixie says this isn’t happening but Gunner cleans house anyway. Magnus is the only one left standing but Spud gets in a cheap shot to take him down. Magnus loads up a belt shot but AJ Styles runs in through the crowd for the showdown. They hold up their belts and AJ lays his on the mat like a line in the sand. Magnus bails with Dixie and AJ says come get your intellectual property.

AJ isn’t here because Dixie wants him here but rather because Dixie screwed the people. He needed to come back here because Magnus is a farce. Magnus will never be a world champion until he beats THE world champion. If Magnus wants to be what he says he is, he’ll have to accept the challenge. The fans chant YOU’RE A PUPPET, taking away a lot of the intensity they’re going for here.

If Magnus doesn’t accept, he’ll always doubt himself as the champion. However, if AJ walks out those doors again, his offer goes with him. Magnus agrees to fight next week (instead of at Genesis for some reason) and tells Dixie if he doesn’t fight, he’s leaving too. Dixie says over her dead body but Magnus says give AJ a one night only contract. They shake hands and the match is official.

Overall Rating: B-. This wasn’t a perfect show tonight but they did a good job with what they had. The Bully Ray stuff has me intrigued and the AJ return can get them on to something new. Tonight was about the storytelling instead of the matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re headed towards Genesis which has a stacked card that should be one of their better PPV shows in awhile. Good effort tonight, though I have very little faith that they can keep it up.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim – Side roll

Chris Sabin b. Austin Aries – Small package

James Storm/Bobby Roode b. Kurt Angle/Gunner – Last Call to Gunner

Joseph Park b. Bully Ray via DQ when Ray kicked Park low

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 26, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

We close out the year tonight with the fallout from last week’s Final Resolution which saw Magnus (in theory) join up with Dixie as the new corporate champion. This should mean the imminent return of AJ Styles and the unification match for the two titles. It should also be interesting to see if TNA starts having more matches during the show or sticks with around three plus a lot of talking. Let’s get to it.

After the usual recap of last week’s events, here’s Spud in the ring to get things going. He gives a very elaborate introduction for someone very important to all of us: Dixie Carter. She talks about how great the last seven days have been and talks about how Santa didn’t deliver the title to Jeff Hardy like the fans wanted him to. That doesn’t matter though because the right man wanted. The fans sound like they want AJ.

Dixie has a major announcement that she’s been hyping up all week on social media but Jeff Hardy cuts her off. Jeff has some complaints to make but Dixie cuts him off. The fans aren’t interested in what Jeff has to say so he threatens Spud for what he did to Jeff last week. Spud goes all pompous Brit on Jeff and orders him out of the ring. Spud is sent into the corner but EC3 runs out to jump Hardy, knocking him to the floor. Dixie loads up the announcement but here’s Sting to interrupt as well.

Carter and Spud roll to the floor like proper cowardly heels should and Sting grabs the mic. He’s tired of entitled pipsqueaks getting everything they want, so Sting isn’t leaving until both he and the fans get what they want: Sting beating the tar out of Ethan Carter. The Icon wants Carter/Spud vs. Sting/Hardy but Dixie says no way. Dixie says she’ll give Sting a tag match but doesn’t say who is in it. Her music comes on but she wants to make her announcement. The music keeps going as we take a break.

Back with Dixie trying to make the announcement again but this time Gunner interrupts. Gunner wants his title shot right now but Dixie turns him down because Magnus is in England. Gunner grabs the mic from Dixie and says to let Magnus know that the cash-in is coming sooner rather than later. Dixie tries for I think the fourth time to make the announcement but here’s James Storm to interrupt this time. James thinks Gunner owes him something but Gunner disagrees.

Storm talks about Gunner costing him the match against Bobby Roode when Storm asked him to. Gunner says he did it for Storm’s own good because Storm was in a bar fight the night before. Storm says that may be true but he wants to know who told Roode about the bar fight. James thinks Gunner is the stooge and wants a match for that case tonight. Dixie says ok because Gunner interrupted her. She’s not ready for the announcement though so everyone has to wait for later.

Gunner vs. James Storm

For the Feast or Fired case. They shove each other to start until Gunner sends Storm into the corner but walks into a headlock takeover. Gunner shoves him into the corner again but Storm hits a quick enziguri from the apron. A running forearm gets two on Gunner and a facebuster gets the same. Gunner gets in a knee lift to the ribs and puts on a quickly broken chinlock as the announcers talk about the announcement. Storm comes back with a tackle/spear to send both guys out to the floor…..for a VERY fast double countout at 4:58.

Rating: D. This was all about extending the feud which is the right idea. I’d assume we’re headed for a gimmick match at Genesis to blow this off so the ending makes sense. That doesn’t mean it was executed well at all though as the ten count took maybe five seconds and we didn’t see any of the count until the end.

They fight to the back as referees fail to pull them apart.

Brooke is annoyed at Bully Ray for annoying her since he doesn’t seem to want her anymore. That’s fine with her as she’ll just go air all his dirty secrets in the ring. Bully says her name but that’s it.

Magnus talks about all the bad characters he’s been given over the years which counts as paying dues. He talks about being called the future, meaning he’s not ready yet “because some people weren’t ready to hang it up yet, BROTHER”. This felt like part of a shoot interview.

Here’s Brooke to demand answers from Bully. She understands that he’s mad at her for throwing the hammer, but she’s not accepting full blame for everything. Here’s Ray in a hoodie and sunglasses as Brooke insists that this can be fixed. It’s neither of their faults that Aces and 8’s ended but Ray turns his back on her. Brooke yells at him for not respecting her and reminds him that Ray said throw the hammer. Ray was supposed to be her ticket to the big time but now he’s that weird high school kid that has no friends.

Brooke says she’s no one’s property and that she’s done but Ray grabs her arm. Ray says she’s done when he’s done with her but he doesn’t blame her for anything. After all, she’s not the smartest girl in the world but she was there for certain uses. She wasn’t even that good at those things thought and sometimes he would close his eyes and think of Brooke #1.

He could piledrive her right now but instead he’s going to use her to spread his word. She knows how evil he can be, so she can let everyone know what’s in store for them. Ray takes off the glasses and says it’s going to be a lot worse as ominous music plays. He’s done with her.

Joseph Park is scared to have a Monster’s Ball match.

Magnus thinks being in the Main Event Mafia was the way the Mafia kept him on a leash.

Ethan tries to get out of the tag match but Dixie says she has them covered.

We recap Park’s revelation that he’s Abyss.

Park is scared but Young says believe in himself. Eric says hit the music and it’s the old Abyss song. He gives Park Janice to make him feel better.

Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence

Monster’s Ball, meaning anything goes with weapons at ringside. Park has Janice while the team grabs a kendo stick and crutch. Bad Influence surrounds Park but he swings Janice…and drops it, allowing the heels to score with shots to the ribs and back. Park gets taken down and Kaz hits a backsplash before more weapons are thrown inside. Kaz throws in a trash can which hits Park in the head but there’s no blood yet. Daniels stomps on Park in the corner and chokes him with a cord.

Kaz loads up a chair shot but Daniels stops him to prevent blood. Park comes back with his usual basic offense and picks up a kendo stick. Kaz gets in a cheap shot with a trashcan lid though and Bad Influence takes over again. They head outside and send Park into the steps but have to stop and check for blood again. Back inside and Park backdrops Daniels over the top before splashing a trashcan lid into Kaz.

There’s a Boston crab on Kaz’s damaged ribs but Daniels comes back in with a crutch to break the hold. Eric Young finally comes out for some moral support but Park says he needs help. Young loads up some right hands to Park’s head but Bad Influence makes the save. Kaz tries a kendo stick shot but Park shoves him out of the way to take the shot to the forehead. We’ve got blood, kendo stick shots, Shock Treatment to Kaz, Black Hole Slam to Daniels for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: D. WAY too long for the end result. This is the same idea they’ve been using for months now and the fact that it’s taking Eric Young to get us there makes it all the more annoying. The stuff with not letting Park get hit in the head was smart so the match wasn’t a total loss. Just too long.

Jeff Hardy is on the phone with his wife. He’s had a plan for a few weeks and it goes down tonight.

Magnus talks about the BFG Series being proof he could hang with anyone. The loss to AJ was what changed him because he never wants to feel that again. The win over Sting at BFG was the biggest win of his career.

ODB vs. Lei’D Tapa

Before the match Gail tells Madison to stay out of her business. ODB can’t slam her so she chops at Tapa instead. Tapa sends ODB into the corner and slowly pounds away before kicking ODB in the face. ODB avoids a middle rope seated senton (which would have missed if she hadn’t moved) but still can’t drop Tapa with shoulder blocks. Gail throws the title belt into the ring and pulls ODB’s hair to distract her, allowing Tapa to hit the TKO for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D. They treated this as the female version of the Colossal Jostle but even that match looked great by comparison. I have no idea who TNA thinks cares about either of these girls but the fans here didn’t seem interested in them at all. Madison at least has some appeal to her while ODB is just loud and unpleasant.

Gail says that was a lesson for Madison.

Sabin and Velvet have a nice moment in the back. Chris has an X Title match next week and he blames Velvet for losing the title in the first place. She doesn’t think she can help him so he says he’ll find a girl that can.

Magnus talks about having Dixie in his corner and how their partnership will last for years.

Ethan Carter III/Rockstar Spud vs. Sting/Jeff Hardy

Before the match Dixie makes her announcement: next week there’s a coronation. Oh and this will be a tag match, but it’s a tag team handicap match.

Ethan Carter III/Rockstar Spud/Bro Mans vs. Sting/Jeff Hardy

Carter and Spud want nothing to do with Sting so they both tag out with Jesse eventually getting the start. Sting hiptosses him down but Zema Ion grabs Sting’s leg to get an advantage. Carter comes in but Sting gets up so it’s off to Robbie before any contact is made. Jeff comes in with a middle rope splash for two and a backdrop to send Robbie out to the floor. Carter accidentally tackles Godderz to the floor, setting up a dive (with Sting as a springboard) to take out all four heels at once.

The four of them pull Jeff down and stomp away for their first advantage as we take a break. Back with Godderz getting two off a knee to the ribs. A powerslam gets the same and it’s back to Robbie who gets two off a clothesline. Jesse comes back in for a half crab and Sting is suckered in, allowing a four man beatdown on Hardy. Carter mocks Sting with a Stinger Splash but Jeff comes back with a jawbreaker. Sting comes in and cleans house, even with Spud on his back in an impressive feat. Sting keeps beating everyone up but Carter grabs a rollup for the clean pin at 13:30. Taz said he had tights but I didn’t see them.

Rating: D+. This was another dull match in a string of them tonight. It’s not like Sting and Hardy got screwed over, or at least it didn’t come off like they did. The match made the tag champions look like jobbers which is a step backward for them after how much better they’ve looked lately. Boring match here and I don’t know what it accomplished.

Post match Hardy gets on the mic and thanks Sting for getting him into the business. Last week he was the better man but lost because of the politics. The fans chant for Hardy but he says the fight’s all gone. This was his last match in TNA and he’s leaving until the sun shines on this dark kingdom. Hardy says he loves the Creatures, takes off his shirt, and leaves.

Overall Rating: D. Well they’re back to boring already. Save for the decent promo work from Magnus, there was nothing to see here. We’re still just waiting for AJ to come back which will probably be at the coronation next week. That doesn’t make this week any better though as we had four dull or short matches which makes for a LONG two hour show.

Results

James Storm vs. Gunner went to a double countout

Joseph Park b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Daniels

Lei’D Tapa b. ODB – TKO

Bro Mans/Rockstar Spud/Ethan Carter III b. Sting/Jeff Hardy – Rollup to Sting

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 19, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight is the Final Resolution special with a double main event. The main stories are the Dixieland match with Magnus facing Jeff Hardy in the world title tournament final and Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode in a 2/3 falls match which might be the blowoff to their feud. The other question is where AJ Styles fits into this whole picture, assuming he still has a job in this company. We also get the Feast or Fired reveals tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the AJ fiasco which set up the tournament.

Magnus is looking for Jeff and Dixie but neither are here. That’s fine with him as he’s got something to say that will get everyone’s attention.

Here’s Magnus to talk about how much he loves this business just like everyone else in the back. That’s why they’ve all worked so hard to get where they are today. He’s made his living as a wrestler here for five years and has learned one thing: money is power. Magnus understands all that but thinks the respect is what really matters. However, he isn’t sure if Jeff Hardy feels the same. Jeff might have slayed his demons, but maybe there’s one little demon coming back in: greed.

Magnus wants an explanation for why Hardy was seen having drinks with Dixie Carter last week, so here’s Jeff to respond. The Brit says Hardy has the fans fooled but Magnus remembers 10-10-10 when Jeff sold out to become world champion. Fans: “WE DON’T CARE!” Jeff basically tells Magnus to mind his own business and drops the mic.

Angle says everything changes tonight when he beats Bobby Roode twice.

We recap Roode vs. Angle with Roode getting the better of Angle every time since BFG.

Chavo Guerrero is excited about his chances in Feast or Fired. Zema Ion comes up and makes annoying noises.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

2/3 falls. Aggressive feeling out process with both guys countering everything the other one has until an ankle lock attempt sends Roode to the ropes for a break. A belly to belly sends Roode tot he floor but Angle throws him back inside for the rolling Germans. Roode avoids the Angle Slam and hides behind the referee to hit Angle low. A Death Valley Driver gives Bobby the first fall at 4:10 and we take a break.

Back with Roode missing a knee drop and Angle coming back with forearms and a release overhead belly to belly. Roode sidesteps a charge to send Angle’s shoulder into the post but the Crossface is countered into the Angle Slam for the pin at 10:00 total. Roode tries to leave but Angle throws him back inside for more rolling Germans but Bobby snaps on the Crossface. Angle counters into a rollup but Roode puts him right back in the Crossface.

Kurt escapes again but Roode DDTs his arm down and puts the hold on for the third time. Angle rolls out one more time and puts on the ankle lock. Roode is about to tap so Angle switches over to a Crossface. Bobby fights out and tries another Death Valley Driver, only to have Angle slip behind the back and hit the Angle Slam for two. Back to the ankle lock but Roode rolls through and grabs the rope for the pin (just like Angle did to Roode at BFG 11) at 14:55. Kurt even puts his face in his hands like Roode did two years ago.

Rating: B-. The match and ending in particular were good but it never hit that level that they were going for. The commercial hurt this a lot as any momentum they had built up in the first section stopped cold as a result. Still though, good stuff, but I don’t think this is the blowoff just yet.

Storm says Gunner gambled last week, which offends Gunner for some reason.

Angle looks shell shocked in the back and is terrified by the idea of Roode having his number.

Video on Madison Rayne returning with Madison talking about her history with Gail Kim.

Ethan Carter III isn’t worried because he knows the boss. His phone rings and he walks off, but the camera follows him. It’s Dixie who can’t fix things if Ethan gets fired. Thankfully he has it on speaker and up to his ear.

Eric Young has a gift for Abyss.

After a video recapping Eric telling Park he’s Abyss, Young calls out Park for a chat. Park thinks Eric is wrong, but Eric has made him a match next week with Park facing Bad Influence. Joseph rightfully freaks out but Eric makes it even worse: it’s Monster’s Ball. Park says that’s Abyss’ match but Eric has gifts for Park. Park gets a chair, a bag of thumbtacks, and barbed wire. He’s still not convinced, but Eric has saved the best for last. Park is sent under the ring to find….Janice, the 2×4 covered in nails. Joseph gets very serious and says he’ll do it.

We look at Magnus accusing Hardy earlier before going to Hardy in the back. He looks upset when Samoa Joe sits down and asks if there’s any truth to what Magnus suggested. Hardy is offended and leaves.

It’s time to reveal Feast or Fired in a room backstage. Dixie comes in and talks about how amazing an idea this is before going to Ion for the first reveal. Zema gets an X-Division Title shot. Gunner goes next and says Storm will be his partner if he gets the Tag Title shot. Instead it’s the World Title shot and Storm is MAD. That leaves Chavo and Carter with Chavo saying no matter what happens, he’s still a Guerrero. Carter says he’ll never lose and never be fired.

Before we get the reveal, Sting comes in and is thrilled that Ethan might be fired. The dramatic music actually works here for a change. Sting offers Ethan a deal: he’ll take the case and whatever it contains in exchange for one match with Carter. Ethan takes the case and gets the Tag Title shot, meaning Chavo is fired.

Magnus says he’ll win the title and all questions will be answered.

Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa vs. ODB/Madison Rayne

Tapa throws Madison down to start so it’s off to ODB for the power showdown. ODB gets slammed with ease and it’s off to Gail as the announcers talk about a kickboxing show. The champion lays in some kicks before it’s back to Tapa for some choking. Tapa misses a charge in the corner and it’s off to Madison for some house cleaning. ODB is sent to the floor but Madison counters Eat Defeat into a backslide for the pin at 5:50.

Rating: D+. This was what it was. Madison is a good hand to have back and the new looks works very well for her, but bringing in one new girl isn’t going to help the division’s long term problems. Tapa continues to bore me to death every time I see her. She’s big and different looking and that’s the end of her appeal.

Sting tells Jeff that he’s been where Jeff is before and to play it cool.

Dixie has told Spud to get a new World Title belt made.

Video recapping the tournament.

Jeff Hardy comes out for the match and addresses the accusations. Three years ago he made a mistake but he’s a different man now. Yeah he met with Dixie, but he thought about his family and his fans so Dixie’s offer is rejected because nobody owns Jeff Hardy. This brings out Dixie who says Hardy owes everything he has to her. She’s the one who stood by him and all that matters is her company, not Hardy’s family. Jeff needs Hardy more than she needs him so she’s going to watch from ringside.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Magnus

This is Dixieland, meaning it starts in a cage and the winner has to escape and climb a ladder at the top of the stage to pull down the title. Magnus sends Hardy into the corner to start but gets caught in a headscissors. A running forearm in the corner has Magnus in trouble and Jeff rains down right hands. Magnus comes right back with a running clothesline but Hardy avoids the top rope elbow. Hardy tries to leave but shoves Magnus down and misses the Swanton. EC3 is watching at the ramp as we take a break.

Back with Hardy being pulled back through the camera hole before kicking Magnus in the chest to put him down. Hardy goes to climb out but drops a Vader Bomb from the middle of the ropes to keep Magnus down. The Twist of Fate looks to set up a second Twist of Fate but Magnus shoves him off and chop blocks Jeff’s knee. The Texas Cloverleaf has Hardy in trouble and a Snow Plow sets up the top rope elbow from Magnus.

Hardy fights up and hits a quick Whisper in the Wind before climbing up for a HUGE Whisper from the top of the cage to put both guys down again. They both climb over the top but EC3 goes to stop Magnus. The Brit fights him off but Hardy goes after Carter anyway because he wants to win fair. Magnus and Hardy slug it out on the floor but Hardy hits another Twist of Fate on the ramp. Jeff goes to the ladder but Dixie begs him to not go up. Hardy goes up anyway but Spud shoves the ladder down, sending Hardy down the ramp in an ugly crash. Magnus goes up to win the title at 17:43.

Rating: B-. Obvious ending aside, this was still a good match that gets better if you just make it a cage match. The ladder felt like overkill and the match being called Dixieland made it feel more silly than important. Hardy is good in this role and Magnus as the Corporate Champion makes sense.

The Author….Dixie and company celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked the show for the most part but the ending was pretty telegraphed. Luckily here it didn’t hurt things too badly and Magnus as the Corporate Champion makes sense with Dixie being annoyed at AJ being a country hick. This sets up the unification match that TNA has been wanting, even though I don’t think Magnus vs. Styles is going to draw the biggest audience. Good show but the midcard continues to be ignored.

Results

Bobby Roode b. Kurt Angle – Rollup while grabbing the ropes

ODB/Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa – Backslide to Kim

Magnus b. Jeff Hardy – Magnus pulled down the title

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 12, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

The tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy left to square off for the title. Thankfully they’re giving us a week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for grabs. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.

Rockstar Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ’s house.

In the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We’ll get to those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though, here’s Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this once and for all.

Roode comes out and says he’ll fight but not right now. He was eliminated from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls match.

We look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.

Eric Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.

Joseph Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence

Young takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner. Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet feature the company can think of. A knee to Park’s gut puts him down and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole Slammed for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D+. I still don’t get the appeal of Eric Young. He isn’t particularly funny, he isn’t anything special in the ring, he doesn’t do anything that others couldn’t do just as well, but he’s kept a job for several years now. Bad Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good matches, which is clearly why they’re stuck in feuds like this one.

Post match Eric tells Park that he’s Abyss, which apparently no one suggested to him in 18 months.

Ethan Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment tonight. It’s going to make social media explode.

Here’s Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA’s social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified face like he just saw TNA’s PPV numbers but Sting of all people interrupts Carter.

Sting asks if he can shake Carter’s hands because Carter is a skyrocket. Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn’t accomplished anything at all. Sting isn’t cool with this because Carter is just riding his family and last name through doors that never should have been opened for him. There’s a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in Sting’s face and says it’s on, meaning he’ll enter Feast or Fired.

Spud is still looking for AJ’s house but finds a gas station attendant who says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.

Gail Kim vs. ODB

This is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she’s beaten ODB too many times already. ODB says she’s here to fight Tapa though and the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish brown hair) returns to make the save.

Spud finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he’ll get information for a drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink, getting a beer with a lemon instead.

Post match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.

Video outlining Feast or Fired.

James Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the match tonight.

Spud keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.

Here’s Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but she’ll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors. Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and promises to win the title again next week.

Magnus says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down the belt. I’m sure this isn’t going to be overbooked at all. Dixie promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the most important person in the company.

Velvet says she has Sabin’s back tonight in his title match, even though Sabin seems oblivious to her.

Spud breaks into presumably AJ’s house and finds the belt in a bag on the coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.

Anderson says he had fun at the funeral but now it’s time to get the world title back.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first across the top rope for the same.

Aries comes right back by draping Sabin’s ribs across the top and pounding away at Chris’ head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.

Rating: C. Not bad here and maybe this can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year. It’s just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem like it matters but it’ll be nothing again in a few weeks.

Post break Sabin gets in Aries’ face but Aries says he’ll enter Feast or Fired and then steal Velvet.

Magnus talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.

Preview for next week’s Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs. Magnus.

Feast or Fired

Mr. Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner, Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III

Anderson comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic speech. He says Anderson’s wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will be responsible for their future.

As for the match, there’s a briefcase at each corner of the ring and whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own. Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is empty.

Carter gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor, allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and it’s Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450 onto both guys.

Austin goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.

Rating: C+. This is always a hard match to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still though, decent enough stuff.

Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week’s show worked because they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly. It’s not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff which doesn’t make for the most entertaining two hours.

Results

Joseph Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian

Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster

Ethan Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 5, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s a big night tonight as we have the semi-finals of the world title tournament. The two matches scheduled are Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode in a tables match and Magnus vs. Kurt Angle in a last man standing match. The winners will face off in two weeks for the title in a gimmick match to be announced. At this point the question is who gets to face AJ Styles when he returns for the champion vs. champion match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks like a scene out of a post apocalyptic thriller with a WAY higher budget than TNA usually has. It’s another recap of the tournament.

Here’s Kurt Angle with something to say. Last week was Thanksgiving and he’s very thankful for his health, his family, and the fans’ support as he tries to get into the Hall of Fame. Winning the title is the path for him to prove himself and Austin Aries gave him the fight of his life in the last round. However, now he has to face Magnus so the Brit needs to come out here.

Angle asks Magnus what happened last week when Magnus left him alone four on one. Magnus talks about getting hurt in a match against Samoa Joe and getting into the tag match anyway. Magnus hurt his knee and that’s all there is to it. Angle says champions fight through injuries and he has a knee injury at the moment to prove it.

Kurt asks Magnus if he has the heart to be a champion. Magnus says he does along with the hunger to go through everyone he has to in order to become champion for the first time. He’ll prove that to Angle tonight. Angle says they may be friends, but he has to go through Magnus, Hardy and Roode to become champion.

This brings out Roode who says he has the killer instinct you need to be a world champion. We’ve already seen what Roode will do to Storm to become champion, so next up is Jeff Hardy. If he’ll do that to Storm, imagine what he’ll do to Hardy. Roode says Magnus will never be a world champion. Magnus goes for Roode but Angle holds him back. Hardy comes out to start the tables match right now.

TNA World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode

Tables match. The fans are naturally behind Hardy who starts off with some right hands and the legdrop between the legs. Hardy sends him into the corner and dropkicks Roode in the back before bringing in a table. Bobby uses the breather to get in a shot of his own and sets up the table in the corner. A clothesline puts Hardy down but he stops a charging Roode with an elbow in the corner. The comeback is very short lived though as Hardy’s Whisper in the Wind only hits mat. They fight to the apron and Hardy kicks Roode in the face, putting both of them through the table and sending us to a beak as this is figured out.

Back with the match continuing and Roode in control, only to be caught by a quick Twist of Fate, knocking him onto the table. Jeff goes up for the Swanton but Roode rolls off the table before Jeff jumps. That’s cool with Hardy as he dives over the table and hits the Swanton anyway to keep control. Hardy loads up a superplex but gets crotched on the top rope in a counter. Roode tires to suplex him over the top and through another table at ringside, only to be kicked in the chest to put Roode through the table at 14:00.

Rating: C. This was fine. Roode is pretty solidly in the JBL role as his resume is strong enough to make a win over him mean something but he’s not likely to be the top guy ever again. Jeff is a good face to send into the title match as he’s over with the fans and still able to put on good matches.

Ethan Carter III gets his makeup applied and says he’s calling out a first ballot Hall of Famer tonight.

AJ’s agent has sent Dixie a letter saying the title will be back soon.

Ethan Carter is here to call out a legend who has been in the ring with the likes of Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan and Bret Hart. Therefore, here’s his opponent: Earl Hebner. Hebner says he isn’t a wrestler but Carter says his aunt is Earl’s boss. There’s even going to be a special referee: Earl’s son Brian. Carter says Earl is going to lay down so his worthless son can count 1-2-3. Earl won’t do it so Ethan threatens him until he does it.

Ethan Carter III vs. Earl Hebner

Ethan takes his time and puts a finger on Earl’s chest for the pin at 48 seconds.

Carter makes Brian roll Earl out of the ring and raise Ethan’s hand.

We recap the Bad Influence vs. Park/Young feud and Bad Influence trying to convince Park that he’s Abyss.

We see Christy and Sam Shaw on their date. Christy gets up for a second and Shaw is somewhat obsessed with a knife. The waiter comes for the check and Shaw threatens to gouge his eyes out if he catches the waiter looking at Christy again. Christy comes back and they leave quickly.

Video recapping AJ going around the world to defend the title.

Dixie gets a delivery: flowers. The note says it’s from a fan so Dixie yells at the aide who delivered them.

Roode says he should be in the title match because you shouldn’t lose a wrestling match for falling through a table.

Dixie gives a speech to some of the roster. She has a new great idea: Feast or Fired. It’s TNA’s version of MITB. There are four cases: one containing a world, tag team or X-Division title shot each and the last containing a pink slip. You get a case, you win whatever is inside of it.

Here’s Bad Influence with an envelope containing some results. Before they can go into it, here’s Joseph Park to interrupt. Park gets serious and tells them they need to stop because they’ve won. Maybe Park never should have been in TNA and maybe he’s just an attorney. Kaz thinks that’s funny and says they have information. Park snatches the envelope from them and rips it up. Daniels thinks it’s funny and Kaz says all that proves is Park can rip apart an envelope.

We get a video showing Bad Influence at Park’s law offices to find them completely empty. They ask the secretary who says the offices used to belong to a doctor but he moved out months ago. Daniels shows her Park’s business card and apparently the law offices closed about 13 years ago.

Back in the arena, Daniels wants to know what Park has been doing for thirteen years. Park gets nervous and again asks them to drop this. Kaz spits at Park and calls him a liar before the beatdown commences. Eric Young makes the save and tells Bad Influence that if they keep knocking on the devil’s door, the devil is going to answer. Young makes a tag match next week but Park isn’t sure.

Sting gives another of his speeches to Magnus and says he’s looking forward to the main event tonight.

Dixie’s main assistant Spud is told the delivery man is here.

Bromans vs. James Storm/Gunner

Non-title. Zema Ion is DJ for the champions and gets in a great line with “Ladies remember these names because you’ll be screaming them later!” Storm throws Jesse around with ease to start before it’s off to Gunner for the same on Robbie. Zema keeps playing sound effects on the turntables. Gunner pounds away on Robbie in the corner but Jesse’s interference lets the champions take over. Jesse gets two off a dropkick but Gunner pretty easily tags out to Storm. The superkick lays out Jesse but Robbie spits beer at Gunner. The tattooed one goes into a rage and he knocks the referee down for the DQ at 4:50.

Rating: D+. This was about advancing the Gunner/Storm split which doesn’t quite work when they were only a team for about seven months. Storm really needs to get out of the tag division because there’s absolutely nothing left for him to do there. Gunner could get a nice rub out of this though.

Sting tries to go in to see Angle but Spud stops him. Sting makes fun of Spud’s job title and is told that Dixie wants him out. If Dixie wants him to leave, come tell him to his face. Spud goes to see the delivery man and Sting wants to know what’s going on around here.

Gail Kim and her husband say don’t send her any more challengers until you have someone good.

Chris Sabin is looking in a mirror while Velvet Sky checks her hair. It’s Sabin vs. Aries next week for the X Title. Velvet asks if she looks good and Sabin picks up the belt and says they look good.

Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis

From what I can find, Dennis is an indy wrestler named Cherry Bomb who has worked in Shimmer, CZW and ROH. Gail runs her over to start and sends Laura into the corner for a running cross body. Kim talks a lot of trash but gets slapped in the face. Some clotheslines put Kim down and a running forearm gets two but Gail gets some feet up in the corner. Eat Defeat gets the pin at 3:02.

Rating: D. We need to get to Tapa crushing Kim already so we can stop caring about either of them at all. These one off girls aren’t helping the division’s major problem at all but it’s better than seeing the same matches over and over again. This was just a squash though which doesn’t do anything for anyone.

Post match Gail hits another Eat Defeat but before Tapa can beat up Dennis again, ODB comes out for the save. Tapa is knocked to the floor and ODB slaps her chest.

TNA World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Kurt Angle vs. Magnus

Last man standing. Angle takes him into the corner to start but Magnus counters into an armbreaker followed by a headlock. Back up and Magnus pounds away to drive Angle into the corner, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. They slug it out some more and we take a break.

Back with…..Dixie receiving the package she’s been waiting for all night. We go back to the arena to see Angle taken down by something we don’t see for a five count. Angle comes back with five Rolling Germans but Magnus gets up at five. Kurt spears Magnus to the floor but both guys are up by 8. Magnus tries to get back in but has to elbow out of the German suplex off the apron.

The elbow drop off the apron has Kurt in trouble but he gets up at nine. Back in and Angle hits a quick snap suplex but misses the moonsault. Magnus picks him up and hits a modified Rock Bottom (arm around the ribs instead of the chest) and the top rope elbow gets nine. Angle accidentally takes out the referee before hitting the Angle Slam. Cue Roode with a clothesline to the back of Kurt’s head and an Attitude Adjustment. Magnus gets back up but Angle can’t make the ten count at 15:23.

Rating: C+. Not great here but it could have been much worse. Angle is great in the role of guy you can throw out there for a good match and to put someone over at any time. It wasn’t a great match but it advances Roode vs. Angle which needs to end after the next match. Good match here but not great.

Hardy saves Angle and wishes Magnus luck with a handshake.

Dixie opens the box and finds a toy belt.

We get a video from AJ, saying Dixie needs to come to Georgia if she wants the belt back.

Overall Rating: B-. This was one of TNA’s better shows in a long time. The matches were good, but more importantly than that the stories felt like they were important and got the time that they needed to develop. Nothing came off as stupid or like a waste of time and those are things that have been plaguing TNA for months now.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Hardy kicked Roode through a table.

Ethan Carter III b. Earl Hebner – Hebner laid down for Carter

Bromans b. Gunner/James Storm via DQ when Gunner shoved the referee

Gail Kim b. Laura Dennis – Eat Defeat

Magnus b. Kurt Angle – Angle couldn’t answer the ten count

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 1, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’ve got two more shows before Final Resolution and the card is starting to come together. It feels like a filler PPV until we get to something a lot bigger. The interesting thing will be if Storm is allowed to wrestle again as he’s really getting hurt by being injured as the mini-feud with Roode he had made him the real star out of the whole thing. But it’s a concussion so it’s hard to say when he’ll be better. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Roode’s family talking about how he’s pretty much abandoned them and it’s all about him anymore. Cool idea given how he was pushed as this family man when he was going for the title.

Sting opens the show and says everyone is trying to run this place. Right now, he’s going to deal with Bobby Roode, so get on out here. Roode says let’s get this over with. Sting talks about how Roode has done all this stuff and jumped Styles and Hardy to end the show. Roode calls it great TV and says Sting is welcome for what he’s done recently. Sting says he runs the place and it’s run his way. For every bad thing Roode does, there’s a consequence, which starts right now.

Cue AJ and Roode says Sting is fighting AJ’s battles now. Sting also brings out Hardy who asks why Roode doesn’t respect Sting’s authority. Sting says screw you Bobby and makes it a three way match for the main event tonight.

The Knockouts are in robes while Karen yells. She gets in Velvet’s face and yells about disrespect and all that jazz. Tonight they’re going to wash six cars and then the rest of them. Oh and they’ll be in swimsuits. Madison gladly disrobes and looks pretty good underneath it.

Jeff Hardy says he and AJ are about to go talk strategy. Jarrett comes up and takes his jacket off. He wants to know why Hardy thinks he belongs here. Hardy says this is his last shot. Jarrett throws his jacket in Hardy’s face and beats him down. Here’s your backstage brawl of the week.

Bischoff meets with Ray in the back because they don’t have an office anymore. Eric wants Ray to wait before killing his kid. Yeah brilliant there dude. Instead, let’s get rid of Abyss. Ray put him through a table and it did nothing so Eric suggests talking to him. Ray thinks he’s nuts (both Eric and Abyss) so he’ll get Scott Steiner to help talk. Oh geez.

The Knockouts are in bikinis and washing cars and Tara is forced to disrobe. ODB gets a street fight with Mickie James for some reason. If she hurts Mickie she’s the new #1 contender.

Mexican America vs. Ink Inc vs. D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero

Winners are #1 contenders. D-Von and Pope clear the ring until we get down to Pope vs. Anarquia with the street preacher taking over. The Mexicans finally take over until it’s a hot tag to D-Von. There’s nothing interesting going on here. I still want to know why they think pushing D-Von is a good thing. Neal tags himself in, spears Hernandez but walks into a spinebuster from D-Von for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: D+. Whatever man. The tag division is such a joke anymore without any solid teams in there. It’s like the tag champions and the #1 contenders are just slapped together with no real rhyme or reason. This isn’t going to be much of a match and does anyone buy that these guys are going to get the titles?

Here’s Austin Aries to talk a bit. He says he has a problem as the greatest man that ever lived. His plan was to revitalize the division and bring in some greatness, but his greatness is so far ahead of everyone else. It’s time to call this the A Double division. No one can hold a candle to him so….oh dang it here’s Kid Kash.

He talks about Turning Point and how Aries screwed him over after Kash took out Sorensen for him. It’s an old vs. new argument and Aries says he’s champion. Kash says he held it before. Aries says shake my hand and you have a shot. They shake hands and punch each other at the same time. I think that’s supposed to be a face turn for Kash.

Gunner goes to find Garrett Bischoff at a gym.

AJ says he’ll win tonight.

Gunner tries to find Garrett Bischoff but finds someone else who he beats up. No one else seems to care. He keeps looking and annoys someone else. Gunner beats up two more people and then the original guy comes back. There’s a clothesline for him and then he chokes the guy down. He hurts a guy’s arm and tried to be menacing, saying he’s coming for Garrett.

Sting yells at Jarrett, telling him to stay out of the main event tonight. Jarrett says Sting has no room to talk because he was in the match with Hardy at Victory Road. Sting says there will be consequences if Jarrett interferes. Jarrett says he might be willing to pay that consequence.

More parenting stuff from Roode’s “wife”.

The Knockouts are still washing cars. Taz’s car is in line for later and a bus or something like that comes up.

Steiner is lifting weights when Ray comes up to talk about Abyss. CAN WE HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH ALREADY??? Steiner suggests offering a freak to Abyss to get him to join their team again.

Mickie James vs. ODB

Street fight. It’s a brawl on the ramp to start and they roll towards the ring. Street fights mean falls count anywhere here I guess. Mickie’s rana is countered into a powerbomb. They go into the crowd and Mickie fights back in front of a handicap ramp. ODB hits her with a lot of metal stuff and Mickie looks a bit dead. We do the odd hardcore match thing where people insist on walking around.

She walks around even more until Mickie gets in a chop. Gee, I wonder if the minute long walk had anything to do with her getting a second wind. Back to the ring and Mickie starts her comeback. ODB breaks up the jumping DDT and gets a chair. Like any idiot, she holds it in front of her face to allow Mickie to kick the chair into her face for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: D+. Well that was pretty dull. I have no idea why they went walking around like that but I never get that in any wrestling match with hardcore rules. ODB continues to look like an idiot and the girls are still better than the Divas, but they’re still nothing to blow my skirt up. The weak show continues.

Storm (at home) says he’s still out with a concussion. Angle interrupts and asks Storm how it felt to have his head bashed in and how his daughter reacted to it. Angle blames Storm for losing the title so Angle says be here next week to confirm a match at Final Resolution. Storm says it’ll be a beating, not a match.

Some chicks are in the back and looking for Abyss.

We see the long version of Roode’s family complaining. Roode says he got them a bunch of stuff with the money so if he’s a user, so are they.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E

Why do I have a feeling the obvious ending isn’t the one that is going to happen? RVD dominates to start and sends Robbie to the floor quickly. Big Rob gets in a shot to take over and Robbie pounds away a bit. Back to the floor and here’s Eric Young in underwear with a fire extinguisher. RVD gets a kick to the face and hits the Five Star but Eric has the referee. Daniels runs in and hits Angel’s Wings on RVD so Robbie can get the pin at 4:02.

Rating: Rob. What else do you want me to call it? This was about as predictable as you could want it to be, which isn’t saying much. The match wasn’t the point here obviously and the idea was to have Daniels run in and Young to be all wacky because that’s all he knows how to do.

Steiner’s girls are all messed up after meeting Abyss.

The Knockouts get in a fight with the water and soap. Karen comes in with garden hoses and sprays them all down.

Robert Roode vs. AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy

This has over twenty minutes to go so maybe it’ll be good. This is non-title of course. Roode immediately hits the floor and we get our first contact about a minute in with both guys beating on Roode. He gets ping-ponged between the two of them and then clotheslined to the floor. Time for the face showdown….or not. Instead they get in a mini argument over who gets to dive to the floor. Hardy hits a baseball slide as we take a break.

Back with Roode hitting a belly to back suplex for one as Hardy makes the save. AJ gets his eyes raked and accidentally hits Hardy, giving us the showdown we’ve been waiting for. AJ hits his drop down into a dropkick sequence but Hardy takes over and gets two of his own. Roode comes back in and beats both guys down before focusing on Hardy. Spinebuster gets two.

AJ pops back up with the springboard forearm and backflip into the reverse DDT on Roode. Roode takes over again and hits a fisherman’s suplex on AJ which Hardy breaks up. Twist of Fate to Roode and he loads up the Swanton, but here’s Jarrett to crotch him. Roode covers Hardy for the easy pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. Pretty ok match here but at the end of the day, so what? This is more about pushing Jeff vs. Jeff again and that’s not exactly something interesting. Not a bad match at all but I’ve never been a fan of three ways, which isn’t helping things here. At least it sets up a match at Final Resolution, which we’ll get to now.

Sting comes out and makes Jeff vs. Jeff in a cage at the PPV. If Jarrett escapes first, Hardy is gone. If Hardy escapes first, he gets the title shot at Genesis. Karen comes out to yell so she’ll be handcuffed to Sting during the match.

Overall Rating: D+. The biggest problem with this show is that the pacing problems were back. There were five minutes of wrestling in the first hour and for what? So we could have segments about Gunner, Garrett Bischoff, and the Knockouts in swimsuits? That’s what we’re focusing on now? This was a backstage heavy show and that’s really not all that interesting. Also, you don’t need to have Roode’s family pop in all through the show if you’re going to show a full version of it later on. Not a bad show, but pretty boring overall.

Results
D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero b. Mexican America and Ink Inc – Spinebuster to Neal
Mickie James b. ODB – Spinning kick to the face
Robbie E b. Rob Van Dam – Pin after Angel’s Wings
Bobby Roode b. AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy – Pinned Hardy after Jeff Jarrett interfered

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Impact Wrestling
Date: November 28, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the Thanksgiving episode tonight and the main story is an eight man elimination tag with Team Roode vs. Team Angle. No word on who will actually be on each team, but it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out. We should also get some buildup for the remaining tournament matches. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Dixie to open things up. With the southern accent rolling she talks about how things have gotten so crazy around here lately that she needs some help. Therefore, here’s hew new Chief of Staff: Rockstar Spud. He’s from British Boot Camp and OVW in case that name means nothing to you. Spud immediately sucks up to Dixie and says Impact would be nothing without her. The roster is put on notice that he’s watching them and that Carter is the queen.

This brings us to the tournament matches. First up we’ve got Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode and the Wheel of Dixie has made that a tables match. Angle vs. Magnus on the other hand is a last man standing match. That’s all on that front as Dixie talks about the winners of the matches tonight getting a feast while the losers get nothing. You can see the food fight from here. Finally here’s Ethan Carter III to suck up to his aunt a bit before his match.

Ethan Carter III vs. Curry Man

The camera is lower than usual here. Curry Man is Christopher Daniels as the mascot of a Japanese curry company. He rants in Japanese a lot and is slammed down a lot as the bell rings. Carter slams the masked head into the mat a few times while telling him how rich he is. We hit a camel clutch and a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant breaks out.

A clothesline and a suplex get two for Carter but Curry Man comes back with some forearms and dodges a splash. The jobber comeback is short lived though as he goes to the top and gets punched in the jaw, allowing Carter to slam him down. The One Percenter is good for the pin on Curry Man at 3:37.

Rating: D. I like Carter and it’s a good idea to bring in some slightly bigger names for him to beat up. Curry Man is going to be a one off or two off character at most and there’s nothing wrong with that. Carter is actually nailing this character and that could mean good things for him down the line.

Carter does his catchphrase post match.

We look back at Gunner costing Storm the match last week by throwing in the towel.

Gunner is in the back and will be part of Team Angle tonight. Storm comes in and will be on the team too because whatever problems he has with Gunner can be dealt with on off hours. Gunner says he did what he thought was best last week but Storm doesn’t want to hear it. More on this later I’m sure.

The Bro Mans are with their new DJ Zema Ion when ODB and Eric Young come up. The tag champions aren’t interested in being in the Turkey Bowl tonight, but they’ll take the match upon hearing their opponents: Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes.

Velvet Sky vs. Lei’D Tapa

Tapa sends her into the corner to start and runs her over, only to have Velvet avoid a charge and get in a few forearms. Gail trips her up though, only to be ejected from the arena. Tapa runs her over again and chokes a lot before kicking Velvet in the face to put her down again. The fireman’s carry into a Stunner ends Velvet at 3:35.

Rating: D. Total squash here which doesn’t really do much for the division right now. There just isn’t anything going on other than Gail, so why have the bodyguard destroy a former star of the division? My guess is they’re setting up Tapa as the big challenger for Gail, but does anyone want to see that?

Video on the Turkey Bowl, a match where the loser wears a turkey suit.

Dewey Barnes/Norv Fernum vs. Bro Mans

This is the Turkey Bowl match with Turkey Bowl bosses ODB and Eric Young at ringside. The Bro Mans now have DJ Zema Ion introducing them which is as good of a job for him as anything else. Robbie rants about how amazing the champions are as Zema does sound effects. The bell rings and the jobbers get rollups for two each, but a Hart Attack ends Barnes at 18 seconds.

Post match the losers are put in the turkey suits while Robbie makes turkey sounds and forces them to dance. The goons seem to enjoy it.

We get another video of AJ in Mexico, talking about what an honor it is to defend the title.

Dixie freaks out and gives AJ one week to give the title back or the legal options begin. What would wrestling be without a legal threat every week?

Roode with with his team: Chris Sabin and Bad Influence. Jokes are made but Roode wants them serious.

Spud hassles the caterer about the Thanksgiving feast tonight.

Angle and Magnus agree to team up tonight but beat each other up for a shot at the title next week.

We get a video on Anderson beating ray last week to end Aces and 8’s.

It’s time for a funeral for Aces and 8’s, held in a funeral home with some Main Event Mafia members, Mike Tenay (in orange subglasses) and Eric Young as the only people there. Joe eats cookies while Young cries. No one has anything to say but Anderson pops out of the casket. He says he was trapped in the team for a year, meaning he rode motorcycles a lot and was part of many many many many many many many many segments on the show. He also thanks Hulk (not named) for sending over a delicious deli plate.

Angle wishes D’Lo the best and throws a bobble head into the casket in his memory. Joe swallows whatever he’s eating and talks about the Aces hiding behind masks which they should have kept on. He has a six pack which symbolizes the only way to look at the bikers without masks on. Joe hands them out instead of throwing them in the casket (making sure not to give one to Kurt in a nice touch). “To the Aces and 8’s: may they ride their mopeds to the shores of Valhalla.”

Tenay talks about Tazz being at the broadcast table with him but buries Tazz’s cut and Brooke’s shorts. The shorts wind up in Tenay’s pocket of course. Eric is up next and buries one of the turkey suits, sending him into a fit of crying. Anderson goes last and thinks about putting in Ray’s hammer but says he’ll keep it since it’s a perfectly good hammer. Ray comes I and tells Anderson to sleep with one eye open in the best interest of his pregnant wife. Ray calls death the final awakening and leaves. Really fun segment here, though it was better in 2005 when they held one for Team 3D and really cranked up the jokes.

Video on Angle being part of One Direction Day, a charity event. Angle had a quick match against a masked man which can be seen on the One Direction Day website if you’re interested.

Spud yells about food some more.

Team Angle vs. Team Roode

Bobby Roode, Chris Sabin, Bad Influence

Kurt Angle, Magnus, James Storm, Gunner

Elimination rules. The captains get things going with both submissions quickly being escaped, giving us a standoff. Bad Influence comes in at the same time so Angle clotheslines them down, sending Daniels to the floor. Off to Magnus for some forearms before he cranks on the arm for a bit. Storm comes in to pound on the legal Daniels before bringing Gunner in for a clothesline/Russian legsweep combo for two. Gunner is sent out to the floor where Kaz and Sabin get in some cheap shots and the heels take over.

Back in and Sabin works over Gunner for a bit, only to quickly tag in Bad Influence. Gunner runs them over and slams Daniels down, allowing for the hot tag to Storm. The corner enziguri puts Daniels down and it’s a Backstabber for Christopher and a Closing Time to Sabin. Last Call drops Kaz but Sabin grabs a rollup to eliminate Storm.

Magnus comes in for the first time and clotheslines Sabin down before bringing in Daniels for some chops to the chest. Magnus charges into a boot in the corner though, allowing for the tag back to Kaz. Bad Influence double teams Magnus down for two but Magnus coms back with a quick slam. A double tag brings in Kaz and Gunner with the tattooed one catching Kaz in an Irish Curse backbreaker. There’s the Gun Rack but Daniels breaks it up. The High/Low is enough to get rid of Gunner and get us down to 4-2.

It’s Magnus in for the good guys but Daniels easily takes him down and works him over. Magnus fights up from his knees before hiptossing Daniels out to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Daniels down but Magnus hurts his knee. The medical staff comes out to check on him as we take a break. Back with Magnus gone, meaning it’s 4-1.

The heels hit a series of legdrops on Angle with Sabin getting a two count. Angle grabs a quick cradle but Daniels has the referee to prevent a count. Kurt fights up and takes out as many bad guys as he can with clotheslines before suplexing Roode and Sabin out of their shoes. In a very impressive power and stamina display, Angle hits ELEVEN Rolling Germans on everyone not named Sabin, including one to Bad Influence at the same time.

An Angle Slam puts Sabin down and there’s the ankle lock to Kaz. Daniels tries to break it up so there’s a double ankle lock to Daniels and Kaz at the same time. Roode brings in a chair but gets caught in an Angle Slam. Kurt blasts Roode with the chair for the DQ at 18:18.

Rating: C. This was more about the story than the match, but man alive did Angle look awesome out there. Those German suplexed were impressive and the one to Bad Influence looked awesome. The opening stuff was there to fill in time but that’s fine for something like this. Fun match.

Team Roode celebrates in the back with Roode saying Angle can’t beat him.

Storm wants to know why Gunner didn’t save him in the tag match. Gunner wants to know if they have plans as a team and walks off. Storm says no one dictates the futures of Storm and Gunner.

Video on the final four in the tournament.

The Carters aren’t thrilled with the idea of eating Spud’s feast so they’ll be heading to Texas for their Thanksgiving.

Here are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.

Sabin is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion (officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful when he becomes the next champion.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a go home show for next week’s regular Impact and there’s nothing wrong with that. No one was going to be watching tonight, so why waste anything important on this show? It’s a Thanksgiving special so why not just do some fun stuff and have a big comedy moment to end the show? We can get to the important stuff later on and that’s the right move all around.

Results

Ethan Carter III b. Curry Man – One Percenter

Lei’D Tapa b. Velvet Sky – Fireman’s carry into a Stunner

Bro Mans b. Dewey Barnes/Norv Fernum – Hart Attack to Barnes

Team Roode b. Team Angle, last eliminating Angle via DQ when Angle used a chair

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Continuing my miniseries on why TNA is the mess that it is.Think back with me to Destination X 2012 and Aries vs. Roode.  Why was that match special?  Among other reasons, there was one major reason: either guy could win.  So many times in wrestling and TNA in particular, the stories and winners to the matches are very predictable.  This has plagued TNA since about No Surrender 2012.  Let’s think for a minute.

At No Surrender, Jeff Hardy won the BFG Series.  Wasn’t it was pretty obvious that Hardy would win the title?

At Bound For Glory, D-Von was revealed as the first member of Aces and 8’s.  At that point, wasn’t it somewhat obvious that Ray was involved too?  They’ve been together for years and you can’t have one without the other.  Also at Bound For Glory, Hardy won the title to the surprise of very few.

On some episode of Impact, Ray started dating Brook Hogan.  At that point, wasn’t it clear that Ray was going to be the big bad and screw everyone over?

Once Ray won a tournament (which he wasn’t in) to get a title shot at Lockdown, wasn’t it obvious that he would win the title and be revealed as the Aces and 8’s boss?  Again, that’s what happened.

Once AJ Styles became Stinger Styles, wasn’t it obvious he would take the title from Ray and end the reign of terror which wasn’t so much terror as it was boring?  Again, that’s what happened.

The night of Bound For Glory, I said Magnus was going to be Dixie’s man.  Any guesses as to who Dixie’s man will eventually be?

You can see a problem here: TNA is REALLY bad at having their stories go exactly as people say they will.  If I know nearly every step a story is going to take, why would I want to watch it?  There are exceptions to this rule of course, but the majority of the time it doesn’t make for compelling television.