Impact Wrestling
Date: March 14, 2013
Location: Sears Center, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley

We’re past the Orlando era now as Impact will be on the road permanently going forward. The main story of course is that Bully Ray is the new TNA World Champion, having beaten Jeff Hardy on Sunday at Lockdow while also revealing that he is in fact the President of Aces and 8’s, FINALLY giving the team both a leader as well as a major accomplishment. We’ll hear about that as well as see AJ Styles live on Impact for the first time in months tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Lockdown with Hogan telling Bully Ray to be remembered as he won the title. This transitions into a package of still photos from the world title match with Ray accepting the help of Aces and 8’s and winning the title.

Tag Titles: Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

Never mind as Aces and 8’s beat down Chavo and Hernandez before the champions ever come to the ring.

D-Von says this is the team that is going to take over TNA and introduces the new world champion Bully Ray. Bully and D-Von do their old Dudleys pose before Bully is presented with his biker vest. Ray asks if we know who he is before saying he’s the President of Aces and 8’s, the world champion, the man who fooled Sting, Hulk and Brooke but also made fools out of all the fans. For nine months the fans bought into Ray and all the lies he told.

On Sunday he was so proud of the team and he never felt better than when he hit Jeff with the hammer to win the title. The plan was delayed a bit as Bully was supposed to leave when Wes and Garrett came into the cage, but they waited until the Hogans came down. See, an hour before the main event, Hulk gave Bully a lecture about doing something memorable. Ray says that’s something the NWO never could accomplish. Ray begs Hogan to come out and fire him but knows Hulk won’t do it. He says when you ride with Aces and 8’s, you never ride alone.

Sting is in the back freaking out about how Aces and 8’s are burning TNA at the stake. He need to talk to Hulk so he can get his hands on Aces and 8’s tonight.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

A pre-match interview with Gail talks about how Teryn Terrell is on probation for costing Gail the title on Sunday. Gail and Velvet start things off with Sky taking Gail down with a series of armdrags. Off to Mickie for a double rolling leg drag on Kim. Mickie chokes Gail in the corner and gets two off an enziguri as we take a break. Back with Mickie getting caught in the Tarantula from Tara in the ropes.

A double slingshot suplex gets two for Gail on Mickie and it’s off to the corner for some choking. Mickie comes out of said corner with a hurricanrana and there’s the hot tag to Velvet. Gail and Teryn get in an argument with Gail shoving her down. Terrell smacks her in the face, allowing Mickie to hit the Thesz Press off the top on Gail. Tara hits Mickie with the Widow’s Peak but Velvet takes out Tara with In Yo Face for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: C. This was one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a very long time. Mickie is so smooth in the ring and it’s very nice to see those long legs back again. The rest of the match was ok but Gail vs. Teryn does nothing for me as there’s no reason to care about Terrell other than she’s a hot blonde.

We recap the Aces and 8’s segment from earlier before going to the back to see Bully toasting Aces and 8’s. He thanks them for being behind him these past nine months but realizes he hasn’t talked to his wife in awhile. Bully calls Brooke and they leave her a voicemail to get on her nerves. Oh and say hi to dad for him.

Hulk won’t answer anything about Aces and 8’s.

Robbie E vs. Robbie Terry

This is a rematch from the PPV where E got destroyed. Terry power walks to the ring, sending E running to the floor. E tries to jump Terry but it has no effect at all. A big beal sends E flying as does a one man flapjack. Terry hits a modified Jackhammer as the fans chant feed me more ala Ryback. The fireman’s carry into a spinebuster gets the pin for Terry at 1:19.

Terry dances post match.

Sting goes in to see Hulk and we cut to a break.

Aces and 8’s continue to celebrate.

Hogan blames Sting for everything that happened with Bully. Sting wants Bully tonight but Hogan goes on a rant, saying he never should have trusted Bully. Apparently everything is over and nothing can get better again.

We recap AJ’s saga and his loss to Daniels on PPV. We also look at the Claire Lynch stuff and AJ walking out on the company.

Sting runs into Aries and Roode, now with matching shirts that identify them as dirty heels. They make fun of him for causing all of these problems and say that it’s unfortunate that they can’t fight, because they were going to give Hogan and Sting a title shot. Sting says he wants to fight and Roode bails, leaving Aries alone with the Stinger. Apparently they’re fighting later tonight.

Here’s AJ back to Impact after several months away. Or actually not as instead it’s Bad Influence in Road Warrior attire. Ok that’s pretty awesome. They don’t have the spikes but they can do the poses perfectly. Kaz says they’re bringing back Throwback Thursday and paying homage to the second best tag team in wrestling history. Daniels even does Hawk’s WEEEEEEEEEEEEEL catchphrase. Apparently this is the Legion of Boom.

This brings out James Storm who says that the original LOD is a little bigger, a little tougher and a lot more over than these two are. Bad Influence gets to pick which of them gets beaten up by Storm right now.

James Storm vs. Christopher Daniels

Storm starts fast and throws Daniels around before ramming Daniels into Kaz, getting two as a result. Kaz trips up Storm to get Daniels control which includes a slingshot moonsault. Storm comes back in a slugout though but can’t hit Eye of the Storm. Daniels puts him down with a release Rock Bottom, only to miss the BME. Storm hits Closing Time and a Backstabber for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. Not much you can say about a match that long. Storm in a big time program would be a good thing for him as after last year he’s desperately in need of a reset. Daniels vs. AJ must be coming again though, because this is TNA and that’s how things work around here. Not much to the match but it was fine.

Post match Bad Influence beats up Storm but here’s the returning AJ to lay out the evil tag team. Daniels bails but AJ hits Storm as well.

We recap Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle from Sunday before seeing Aces and 8’s destroying Angle in the back.

Here’s Joseph Park who is gushing about having two wins now. He’s been reflecting on his accomplishments, including graduating law school and making partner at Park Park and Park. Park grew up around here going to Cubs games (mixed reaction) and going to Blackhawks games (POP) and he can’t wait for what’s coming next.

This brings out Matt Morgan to make fun of Hulk because that story is still going on after not being mentioned for months I guess. Morgan doesn’t like Park having a contract here and calls Park Hogan’s biggest mistake. One by one, Morgan is going to eliminate each and every one of Hulk’s mistakes, starting with Park. He tells Park to leave but Morgan insults Chicago and that means it’s time to fight. Morgan uses the always lame “on my time” excuse and goes to leave, only to catch Park not paying attention and kicking him in the head. Morgan says his time is next week.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hulk is going to fire them because they’ve destroyed a lot of people. Ray thinks destroying the show sounds like a good idea so let’s go do that.

We get some clips of Brooke freaking out after the end of Lockdown.

Austin Aries vs. Sting

Feeling out process to start as the fans are split on who to cheer for. Sting carries Aries over to the corner but Austin lays on the ropes to show off. Sting kicks him down but misses a Stinger Splash as Aries bails to the outside. Back in for a bit before Sting knocks him right back to the floor. There’s the Stinger Splash to Roode against the barricade and Aries is sent through the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Sting still in control but he has to stop and yell at Roode, which gets Bobby ejected. The distraction lets Aries kick the rope into the Little Stingers and there’s the suicide dive for good measure. Back in and Aries hits a middle rope dropkick to the back of a seated Sting for two. Aries pounds away in the corner but Sting gets in a few right hands. A dropkick to the knee puts Sting back down though and Aries keeps control via a quickly broken half crab.

Back up and Sting misses a dropkick but Aries tries for the Scorpion Deathlock. Unfortunately he doesn’t know hot to hook the hold and Sting is able to come back again. A big clothesline spins Aries inside out but Austin bails away from the real Scorpion. After guillotining Sting down on the top rope, a missile dropkick puts Sting down for about one second.

Sting busts out a gorilla press slam before missing another Stinger Splash. Aries hits a running dropkick in the corner and a running splash of his own. The brainbuster is countered into a Scorpion Death Drop for two but the Stinger Splash sets up the Deathlock…but here are Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 15:16.

Rating: C+. Good match here until the run in ended as this match continues to become more and more like the NWO. The match was rolling along until the end with a story of Sting not being able to hit the Splash until the end. It was cool to see the old gorilla press come back here though and the match was better than I was expecting.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hogan is going to fire them.

After a break Ray is still wanting Hogan to come out and here he is. Hulk is still on crutches so he stays on the stage. He says firing Aces and 8’s would be too easy and they deserve the hard way. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it’s coming. Right now, Hogan is telling everyone on the roster to go to war with the bikers.

About five guys (including Angle, Terry, Hardy, Chavo and Hernandez) runs out to beat down Aces and 8’s but there are too many bikers resulting in a big beatdown of the TNA guys. Jeff Hardy is beaten down in just a few seconds and this is a pretty lame brawl. Ray says is this what you meant by memorable and starts destroying everyone with his chain. Ray goes halfway up the ramp and says the cavalry just got destroyed. He asks what his dad is going to do to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really solid show tonight as everything seemed to have a new energy to it. It was cool to see Aces and 8’s with a swagger that they could back up, which is probably because none of them wrestled tonight. Everything had a point tonight and it was like the beginning of a new year for the show in a lot of ways. I’m excited for next week’s Impact which is a rarity anymore.

Results

Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Tara/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Tara

Rob Terry b. Robbie E – Spinebuster

James Storm b. Christopher Daniels – Backstabber

Sting b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 7, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

It’s the final show in the Impact Zone before we start full time on the road next week. It’s also the final show before Lockdown and Lethal Lockdown between Team TNA and Aces and 8’s. Last week Angle unmasked the VP and was shocked at who he saw, but was beaten down before he could say who it was. Odds are we’ll have to wait until Sunday to find out who it was. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Paul Bearer. That’s classy.

After the intro recapping the events of last week, Angle walks into the building and says that tonight he’s going to tell everyone who was under the mask.

Here’s Aries to open the show. He talks about beating Hernandez last week without Bobby Roode’s help, proving that being Supermex isn’t as good as being the greatest man that ever lived. Then he found Bully Ray and Hardy to give them some words of confidence for their match at Lockdown. They didn’t appreciate it though, so right now Aries is calling out Hardy for a match.

Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Ask and receive I guess. Aries jumps Hardy during the entrance and we’re off fast. A knee drop gets two on the champion as this is non-title I believe. Aries hits a slingshot double ax to the back of Hardy’s head for two but Jeff makes his comeback with right hands in the corner of his own. He tries something out of another corner, only to be thrown out to the floor.

Back with Aries in control and walking around a lot. Hardy grabs a quick small package for two but Aries comes back with a dropkick for two of his own. Jeff misses a charge in the corner before Aries goes up and dances ala Hardy. A middle rope splash gets two and Aries is ticked off. Hardy comes back with a rollup for two and the spinning mule kick for two.

The jawbreaker sets up a splash in the corner by the world champion, followed by a middle rope splash of his own for two. The Twist is countered but Hardy sends Aries to the floor. A clothesline off the apron puts Aries down one more time. Back in and a pair of Twists of Fate puts Aries on the mat but here’s Matt Morgan of all people with the Carbon Footprint to Hardy for the DQ at 12:25.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here until the semi-confusing ending. Unless it’s Morgan as the VP and Ray as the leader this doesn’t make a ton of sense, but it’s the start of something new so maybe they’re setting up for something after Lockdown. Good match here, although not as good as their other matches.

Post match Morgan loads up another kick but Bully Ray comes out to stop it.

Sting gives his team a pep talk.

We look at Angle getting beaten down last week again.

Morgan doesn’t like Hardy or Ray.

We recap Angle’s history with Aces and 8’s.

Instead of Angle, here’s Wes Brisco to the ring instead. Brisco talks about wanting to be Kurt Angle until he got to meet Angle, which is when he realized how worthless Kurt is. The medal around Angle’s neck is so worthless that the Olympics got rid of the sport. He’s going to prove that a Brisco is better than an Angle on Sunday. Cue Kurt who says he remembers Brisco coming to ask him question after question like someone who respected him. Tonight Angle is going to reveal who the VP is, but first he’s going to beat Brisco up early.

Security breaks it up and D’Lo Brown is in Aces and 8’s. He picks up the VP’s mask and apparently it was him under the mask last week. Brown says he’s here to reclaim some club property because he’s the VP. Seriously, I didn’t make that up.

Sting vs. D-Von

This is match #1 in a three match series with the winner getting the advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Sting jumps D-Von to start but gets clotheslined down for two. D-Von hooks a neck crank and pounds away in the corner for a bit. The top rope headbutt misses though and the fight heads to the floor. Some fan throws something in Sting’s face which looks to be red paint of some kind, allowing D-Von to hit a big boot back in the ring for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D. I’m still trying to get over the D’Lo thing. This was another worthless match that doesn’t prove anything because the team is led by D’Lo freaking Brown. What in the world is the point of this team anymore? It’s like the bottom of the barrel of wrestling getting together to form a stable, but we’re supposed to take them seriously.

Velvet is doing an interview when Gail Kim comes up to annoy her. Kim gets slapped.

The Gut Check judges talk about the match last week. Danny Davis of OVW fame is the newest judge.

Lei’d Tapa is getting the chance for a contract later tonight and Ivelisse is eliminated.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero/Velvet Sky vs. Bad Influence/Gail Kim

Hernandez and Kaz start things off with the big man throwing Kaz around with ease. Off to Chavo vs. Daniels as the good guys maintain control. Back to SuperMex with a bearhug on Kaz before Daniels tries to cheat. Hernandez will have none of that though and gets Chavo to help with some double teaming. A headscissors puts Daniels down and he begs off. Gail low bridges Chavo and Daniels gets to take over.

Velvet trips Daniels up right back and Chavo gets control again. Kaz hits Chavo in the back before coming in legally for a neckbreaker, getting two. The slingshot elbow drop gets two more on Chavo and it’s off to a chinlock. Now Daniels comes in for a chinlock of his own but Chavo fights up and brings in Velvet. Not the monster Hernandez, but the girl. Good to know.

She spears Gail down as Hernandez runs over Daniels. A missile dropkick puts SuperMex down but Daniels misses a dive onto the floor, hitting his partner in the process. Hernandez does his big dive to take out Bad Influence, but Gail hits Eat Defeat on Sky for the pin at 7:26.

Rating: D+. Gail Kim continues to be as uninteresting as you can possibly be while still being alive. There’s nothing to her and her finisher continues to be stupid. This match was just going through the motions but at least they set up something for Sunday. Always nice to see two feuds combined like this.

Brown says he can trust Aces and 8’s but asks Sting if he can trust the guys he’ll be locked in the cage with.

Sting yells at his teammates for Sunday and apparently Magnus and Joe are the other two people in the best of three series tonight.

We go back to Georgia to find AJ Styles again. He throws one of his friends back into their car and shoves the camera away. Nothing is said.

Doc/Garrett Bischoff vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe

Joe and Garrett start things off with Garrett being pounded down like a guy with nowhere near the skill to be in this spot. Off to Magnus but he stops to argue with Joe first. Garrett distracts Magnus, allowing Doc to take over. Off to Garrett again as the fans tell him that he can’t wrestle. Doc comes in and pounds away as we hear about AJ coming to Chicago next week.

A double clothesline puts both guys down and it’s off to Joe for a suplex and atomic drop. Magnus kicks Doc down and Joe drops a senton backsplash for two. Another clothesline puts Garrett down and it’s off to Joe legally. The former champions catch Doc with the snapmare into the top rope elbow from Magnus for the pin at 4:52.

Kenny King says he’ll keep the title.

Eric Young says he should get the last spot in the match over Storm. He promises to not be a joke, but for once Sting is smart and picks the former world champion.

It’s time for Gut Check for Lei’d Tapa. The fans go INSANE shouting no at her as soon as she comes out. Tapa yells back at the fans and talks about how she could be great in another two years. Danny Davis says no, Bruce Prichard gives a nice speech about Paul Bearer being gone before saying no, and so Tapa gets to cut a quick promo saying she should get a shot. Al Snow is the last judge and after saying he’ll miss Uncle Paul, he votes yes because Tapa gets a reaction from the crowd.

Robbie E is ready for Robbie T this Sunday.

James Storm vs. Mr. Anderson

The winner gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown for his team. A quick hiptoss puts Anderson down but he comes back with a clothesline. Anderson gets two off a whip into the corner before pounding away at James’ ribs. Off to an armbar now by Anderson as the announcers debate the BFG Series from last year.

Storm fights out with an atomic drop and a bulldog followed by an enziguri out of the corner. A running neckbreaker puts Anderson down and after escaping a neckbreaker, Storm hits Closing Time. Here are Aces and 8’s in full force but here’s Team TNA to counter them. Not that it matters though as Anderson grabs the Mic Check for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Another short and pretty worthless match here. At least Aces and 8’s have SOMETHING going for them before Sunday now, but it’s not like it makes them any more intimidating. When they came out as a group at the end, it made me realize how completely lame they are all over again. Bad match here.

We run down the Lockdown card.

Here are Bully and Brooke to confront Jeff Hardy before Sunday. Jeff comes to the ring and Ray talks about how he’s coming for the title in three days at the biggest TNA show ever. He’s proud of Jeff for everything he’s done. Jeff says he’s been beaten down since he won the title but he’s still champion. He knows Ray is going to beat him up on Sunday, but is that going to be enough? Jeff is proud of Ray as well and Ray talks about he’s expected greatness his entire career. Ray isn’t going to escape on Sunday but he’s going to pin Hardy for the title.

This brings out Hulk Hogan on crutches. He talks about how everyone in the back wants to be where Hardy and Ray are before saying this company is about to go on to greatness. We need a leader to get to the future and Hogan is going to be at Lockdown to see who leads us into the future. He says may the best man win…..and here come Aces and 8’s. It’s a big brawl to end the show as Team TNA runs out for the save.

Overall Rating: D. This show actually made me angry. From the STUPID D’Lo Brown bit to the even STUPIDER Gut Check decision (hot chick with an MMA background as Ronda Rousey becomes the face of the UFC and the winner of the match vs. the loser who happens to be Barbarian’s niece. Easy pick right?) to the lack of wrestling to just being lame in general, this was a terrible show. Aces and 8’s need to end like NOW, if nothing else so I don’t have to think about them anymore.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

D-Von b. Sting – Big Boot

Gail Kim/Bad Influence b. Velvet Sky/Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero – Eat Defeat to Sky

Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Garrett Bischoff/Doc – Top rope elbow to Doc

Mr. Anderson b. James Storm – Mic Check

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 21, 2013
Location: Wembly Arena, London, England
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

It’s the last of the England shows and the main story tonight is that we get to know the winner of the tournament last week. The winner gets to face Hardy at Lockdown in three weeks so it’s about time they announced something. Other than that we’ve got two title matches which makes for a pretty packed show. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual intro from last week, recapping both the tournament and Hogan being saved by Ray and Sting.

Hulk Hogan opens us up and talks about how Aces and 8’s interfered before he could announce the #1 contender last week. That interruption gave him an extra week to think about who should get the shot. This person showed that he was the only person who really wanted it. That person is…..Bully Ray. As in someone not even in the competition at all.

Here’s Ray but he isn’t sure what to think. He has a partially torn quad (whether that’s legitimate or not, the similarities to HHH/Stephanie/Vince continue) but Hogan cuts him off. Hogan says Ray is tough and Ray says it was the greatest day of his life when he married into this family. Bully wants a six man tag tonight with Aces and 8’s facing himself, Sting, and Hulk. Ray calls him dad and the match is made.

Bad Influences come in to visit Roode and Aries. They wish them luck in an eight man tag tonight.

Bad Influence/Bobby Roode/Austin Aries vs. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez/James Storm/Joseph Park

Storm vs. Daniels to start and the Cowboy quickly clotheslines him to the floor. Kaz throws Storm to the floor and everything breaks down quickly. It’s a big brawl and the good guys clear the ring. Park looks so proud but Chavo tells him to watch the elbows as we take a break. Back with Chavo working over Kaz with a front facelock before it’s back to Joseph Park. We’re told that the title match at Lockdown will be in a cage. As in just like every match at Lockdown ever?

Park gets caught in the wrong corner and the tag champions start beating him up. Or is it down? Either way they can’t suplex him which leads to a brief argument. Back to Daniels who rams Park’s head into the buckles and pounds away at the temple a few times. Everyone wants the tag but the heels get in an argument, nearly allowing Park to make the tag. Park comes back with a double clothesline to put Bad Influence down.

Roode and Aries walk out on their partners and it’s hot tag to Storm. He cleans house on everyone in sight and it’s off to Hernandez. SuperMex hits a few shoulders to knock everyone around and Chavo adds a frog splash to Daniels. The Last Call puts Daniels down and here’s Park with an a middle rope splash for the pin by Chavo on Kaz at 12:20.

Rating: C+. This was a fun tag match and I liked the way the egos got in the way of the heels’ success. That’s the logical way those characters would interact and it’s nice to see them not get along just because they’re all villains. It’s also good to see Storm back in the company he belongs in rather than slumming it with Godderz. Just please, no more Chavo and Hernandez in featured matches. I can’t handle it.

We recap Bully getting the title shot from earlier tonight.

We look at Rockstar Spud winning British Bootcamp and having a confrontation with Robbie E a few weeks back.

Robbie E. vs. Rockstar Spud

Spud almost immediately runs into a boot from Robbie to put himself down. Robbie hits a top rope elbow for no cover but misses a charge into the corner. A spinning DDT puts Robbie down and Spud goes up top. Spud misses a guillotine legdrop but the Rob’s get in an argument, allowing Spud to roll up Robbie for the pin at 2:46.

Post match Robbie E. yells at Big Rob and slaps him in the face. Big Rob stares him down and Robbie runs.

Jesse gives Tara a pep talk. The Knockouts Title match is next.

Knockouts Title: Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tara is defending and this is under elimination rules. Brooke Hogan gets to be ringside because what would a segment be without her? The bell will be after this break. Jesse is ejected by Brooke and we’re ready to go. We get a bunch of quick rollup attempts but no pins early on. Tessmacher tries a victory roll on Tara but gets caught in an electric chair to send her out to the floor. Things settle down a bit and Tara hits the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Sky, only to have the pin broken up by Gail. Why would she do that?

Now Tara and Gail go at it but Gail is sent to the floor for a bulldog from Tessmacher. Velvet and Tessmacher ping pong the champion back and forth with punches but Tara fights back. A moonsault hits Tessmacher but Velvet grabs Tara and hits In Yo Face, only to be broken up by Gail. Kim steals the pin on Tara to eliminate her, guaranteeing us a new champion.

Tessmacher hits a kind of spinning neckbreaker on Gail but goes up and gets crotched. Gail loads up a superplex put Velvet adds a powerbomb to make it a Tower of Doom. Velvet covers both opponents for two so she tries In Yo Face on Gail. Tessmacher tries to roll up Sky but Velvet rolls through it and covers Tessmacher for the elimination. We’re down to Velvet vs. Gail.

Sky pounds away to start but misses a dropkick to stop her momentum cold. Kim tries a cover but gets caught grabbing the ropes like a good villain should. Some shoulders in the corner miss and Velvet grabs a pretty sloppy sunset flip for two. In Yo Face hits this time and Velvet wins the title at 8:35.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but at the end of the day, what difference does this really make? Velvet is another person that happens to hold the title now. She’ll probably hold it for about three months before dropping it back to Tara or Gail and the cycle starts all over again. That’s the problem with the women’s divisions in both companies: they’ve been going around in circles for years.

Hogan and Sting get ready in the back. Sting leaves and runs into Bully who wants to make sure Hogan is cool. Ray thinks it’s cool to be tagging with the two of them.

We’ll get an update on AJ Styles next week.

We recap Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff. Angle vouched for Garrett and Wes but they joined Aces and 8’s to stab him in the back.

Samoa Joe vs. Garrett Bischoff

Garrett bails to the floor to start but gets in some shots to the knee once he’s back inside. Bischoff chokes away and stomps away a bit more as that’s about the extent of his offense so far. A shoulder tackle takes Joe down and it’s off to a chinlock. Joe comes back with an atomic drop and big boot, followed by a senton backsplash. The Facewash has Garrett in trouble in the corner and Joe loads up the MuscleBuster, only to have Brisco run in for the DQ at 5:06.

Rating: D. As I’ve said dozens of times, Garrett Bischoff is not that talented. Even in Aces and 8’s he comes off like a guy who is in a t-shirt pretending to be intimidating and powerful. Instead he’s actually a guy who has a very limited moveset and hasn’t won a match of note in about a year. Nothing to see here.

Kurt Angle makes the save and says it’s him vs. Brisco in a cage at Lockdown.

X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and gets dropkicked off the apron during his entrance. King rams him spine first into the post and slams Van Dam down to take over. A springboard legdrop misses the champ though but he kicks Van Dam right back down for two. King hits a spinwheel kick for the same result and a chinlock keeps Van Dam down for a bit.

Back to the chinlock but Rob fights up and hits some kicks to take over again. King counters a monkey flip by landing on his feet but can’t quite hit the Royal Flush, allowing RVD to kick out at two. King misses a pair of knees in the corner and takes Rolling Thunder as a result. The Five Star retains the title at 6:21.

Rating: C-. Of all the successful Van Dam defenses against King, this is the most recent. There was a mention of King beating Ion on Xplosion (sidebar: PUT XPLOSION ONLINE AND PROMOTE IT!!! TNA’s biggest problem is not enough programming and they never talk about the other hour they have. That’s an extra 50% of air time they could have and they NEVER mention it on air! Promote that instead of Dixie’s freaking Twitter!) but other than that there’s no reason for this match to happen. Either end the division or give it some attention.

Hulk tells Brooke that he has to do this.

Jeff Hardy will be back next week.

Hulk Hogan/Sting/Bully Ray vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s D-Von, Anderson and Doc here. Everyone comes out for the match but there’s no Hulk. We keep waiting for it and there’s still no Hogan. The music plays again but Aces and 8’s jump Sting and Ray to start things off. Sting and Ray fight back and Doc gets caught with a Stinger Splash as we take a break.

Back with Doc coming in to continue a beating on Bully. Off to D-Von for a falling headbutt and an unseen tag off to Anderson. After some basic pounding here’s D-Von again for a chinlock. Ray suplexes out of it though but Anderson breaks up the tag to Sting. Off to Doc again and he has to immediately stop a Ray comeback with more right hands.

Ray spears D-Von down and there’s the real tag to Sting. The Scorpion Death Drop gets two on Doc but Anderson makes the save. Anderson gets loaded up in What’s Up as the other bikers come out with both Hogans being held hostage. Hulk yells that his knee is hurt as it’s 3-1 against Sting. Doc hits a big boot and Aces and 8’s actually win a match at 11:26.

Rating: D+. Is this supposed to mean something for the bikers? They’ve lost so many times and now they can win a 3-1 handicap match that they had to cheat to win as well? The match was nothing of note and was rather boring for the most part, which isn’t a good sign heading into the second biggest show of the year.

Sting gets beaten down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This one didn’t do much for me. The matches were ok and the stories were advanced somewhat, but overall the show felt like it was tired. That’s perfectly understandable though as this was their fourth taping in a handful of days and it’s clear that they’re starting to drag. Next week they’ll have a fresh show and things should be back to normal though.

That being said, the Aces and 8’s stuff is getting tiresome. It’s clearly coming to a head at Lockdown, but hopefully it ends there or they REALLY revamp it. I’m bored by these constant losses or barely meaningful wins and I think most people are too. Not a bad show tonight but it was hardly lighting anything on fire.

Results

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez/James Storm/Joseph Park b. Bad Influence/Bobby Roode/Austin Aries – Chavo pinned Kazarian after a splash from Park

Rockstar Spud b. Robbie E. – Rollup

Velvet Sky b. Tara, Gail Kim and Miss Tessmacher – In Yo Face to Gail

Samoa Joe b. Garrett Bischoff via DQ when Wes Brisco interfered

Rob Van Dam b. Kenny King – Five Star Frog Splash

Aces and 8’s b. Sting/Hulk Hogan/Bully Ray – Big boot to Sting

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 2, 2012
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

I was going to make a bunch of jokes about being in England tonight but I’ll try to find something funny to say instead. We have two shows in London before heading back to Orlando for Against All Odds on the 12th. I don’t think many matches have been announced officially yet but for the most part you can guess a lot of them which is fine. These shows outside of the Impact Zone are always interesting, so let’s get to it.

We open with a video of the fans who talk about how awesome wrestling is.

Hogan will be back tonight.

Roode and Ray open the show. The place looks great. Ray talks about how the fans aren’t going to see Hardy tonight because they took care of him last week. I think that was done because Hardy has visa issues due to the legal history. Roode says it’s great to be back in Ireland. He insists it’s not them that sucks and praises himself and Ray. I think the fans are chanting for D-Von.

Roode calls out Storm and here’s the Cowboy. Ray gets between them and there’s Sting’s music. The ring looks a lot smaller than usual. Sting says he talked to Hardy yesterday and Jeff will be back at Against All Odds. Sting announces the four way main event that I think we all knew was coming for the title at the PPV. As for tonight, Storm gets both of them in singles matches.

Garrett calls his trainer who will be here tonight.

Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Crimson/Matt Morgan

Non-title here and it’s a Buckingham Brawl which is a new twist on things: there’s a coin flip to start and the winners get to be in the ring without having to tag, meaning it’s a handicap match in a way. Crimson starts and the numbers game starts up quick. The non-champions dominate for the opening minutes with a power/speed combination.

They set for their double team combination out of the corner but Crimson takes Joe down and Magnus jumps into a suplex. Hot tag brings in Morgan and everything breaks down. Crimson is sent to the floor and the Carbon Footprint misses in the corner. That allows Joe and Magnus to hit their finishing sequence on Morgan and the middle rope elbow gets the pin at 3:56.

Rating: C. Quick match but this was a good way to let Magnus/Joe get one up on the champs. Crimson and Morgan have beaten them I think twice now so why should we buy them having a real chance again? The rule twist was a nice addition and it lets the champs save some face. Decent match and the crowd was way into it.

Eric Bischoff is here.

Here’s Eric in the ring. A kid flips him off at ringside. Eric says he thought the British people were civilized. He says he’s here to burst the bubble of Garrett with a little dose of reality. Eric asks Garrett to come to the ring and then demands it. The arena is a very different setup as the entrance is on the hard camera side, making it almost like the old MSG setup for those of you familiar with it.

Garrett gets here and Eric tells him that no matter who is training him (remember that Eric knows who it is) it’s not going to matter because Garrett is never going to be good enough. Garrett asks why Eric doesn’t take it up with the trainer and Eric says that the trainer will never be here. The trainer (presumably) calls Garrett and Garrett doesn’t look that pleased. The trainer is here tonight and wants to speak with Eric.

Mark Haskins, a British guy that was in some X-Division series that was put on last year, talks about how he’s here to do whatever it takes to win. He says he’ll win the title.

Mark Haskins vs. Austin Aries

This is non-title I believe. The entire front row has its back to the ring for somer eason. Aries takes him to the mat and the fans still like Aries more than the hometown boy. Haskins is sent over the top but he skins the cat into a headscissors to take over. Aries skins the cat as well but Haskins dropkicks him down. Haskins sets for a plancha but Aries slides in. A springboard attempt is countered, resulting in Haskins being crotched.

A top rope shot to the floor takes him down even more and the fans are all for Aries. Back in and Haskins gets crotched again. A low dropkick misses and Haskins starts his comeback. A monkey flip puts Aries down but a second is countered. Haskins nips up and runs the ropes for a springboard crossbody. A cutter gets two on the champ.

Haskins goes up for a Shooting Star and lands Lesnar style, landing right on his head. Since he’s pretty much dead, Aries hits the brainbuster and holds onto him, flipping over to hook kind of a dragon sleeper hold but with Aries behind and under Haskins and pulling back on him for the tap at 4:45.

Rating: C+. Aside from the near neck breaking botch, this was a fun match. Haskins is fast but you would think he would get cheered in his hometown. I don’t know if that’s more praise for Aries or a bad thing about Haskins, although I’m leaning towards the former more than the latter. Good match though.

Eric Bischoff is yelling on the phone about getting a cab and Sting comes to bring him back inside.

James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Feeling out process to start and Storm takes over. He takes Roode to the mat but the champ heads to the floor to avoid a Last Call. We take a break and come back with Storm hitting a facebuster but walking into a clothesline. There’s going to be a Star Wars Special next week. As long as it’s not the Holiday Special I’m all good with that. Spinebuster gets two. Storm comes back and they slug it out.

Roode goes up top but Storm gets in a big right hand to slow him down. Storm’s trunks have something that looks like the Brahma Bull on it. Storm snaps off a rana to send both guys down. Storm starts his real comeback and hits a Backstabber for no cover. Top rope elbow gets two.

Russian legsweep by Storm is countered into the Crossface but Storm rolls into the ropes. Roode sets for the Payoff but Storm counters into the Eye of the Storm but Roode counters as well. There’s the Payoff but it only gets two. Storm comes back with a Codebreaker to avoid a belt shot. He loads up the Last call but here’s Ray to break it up. That opening allows Roode to spear Storm for the pin at 13:50.

Rating: B-. If I never see another spear it’ll be too soon. This was a good match between two guys that should be facing each other for the title in a big time PPV program but that spot goes to Hardy because Storm never got high during a PPV and made the company look like a joke. Quite a good TV match though.

Post match Ray gives Storm a Rock Bottom onto the title belt. Sting makes the save.

Tara vs. Gail Kim

Tara is #1 contender but from what I can tell, this is non-title. Tara takes over to start and strips her top off for the standing moonsault. Gail takes over with some choking and a knee to the back for two. She hooks a leg lock by bending Tara’s leg over Gail’s neck then a clothesline gets two.

Mike thinks if Tara beats Gail here, it might be an advantage for her going into the rematch at the PPV. A missile dropkick misses for Gail and Tara hammers away. Powerslam (called a snap slam by Tenay) gets two but Rayne runs in for the…not DQ. She ran into Gail but it doesn’t count for some reason. Widow’s Peak ends this at 4:57.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but I really don’t get the theory here. What purpose did this serve? Why not have Rayne take the loss here rather than giving us the match ten days before its on PPV? I really don’t get this company’s thinking at times but then again, why bother trying to get people to buy the TV show when you can give the matches away for free?

Here’s Garrett to reveal the trainer but Eric comes out with Gunner. Eric talks some trash and to not a ton of shock, Hogan is the trainer. The fans of course love him because he’s an old school guy and if you’re loved once, you’re always loved. Hogan and Garrett beat Gunner up for a bit while Eric stands there. Gunner is knocked to the floor and Eric is terrified and runs. Of all the people that Hogan could give a rub to, they picked Garrett Bischoff?

Hogan and Garrett talk about how they’re coming for Eric.

Bully Ray vs. James Storm

This is Storm’s second match of the night and he has bad ribs. Ray works on the injury with some hard shots before draping Storm over the top. Off to a camel clutch for a few moments and then a slam. Here comes Roode and we take a break. Back with Sting coming to the ring with a cricket bat and Ray holding Storm in a bearhug.

Ray lets that go and hits a big boot followed by some elbow drops for two. A splash gets the same. The middle rope backsplash misses and Storm starts his comeback. He wins a nice countering sequence on the apron and a middle rope cross body gets two. Ray tries to grab Storm but gets knocked into the referee. Sting chases Roode out of the ring and the Last Call beats Ray clean at 14:00.

Rating: C+. Not as good as earlier but it was nice to see someone using basic psychology here like Ray was doing. Storm getting a win keeps him strong which is something he needed going into the PPV. Not a great match or anything but Ray has really impressed me in his singles run.

Overall Rating: B. This was pretty good here as the pretty strong string of non-Orlando shows continues. This moved us towards the PPV and gave us a big development in the Bischoff feud. Now if you don’t care for the Bischoff feud or the main event, this wasn’t the show for you because that was the majority of the focus tonight. Hogan being back isn’t a bad thing but hopefully he actually gives someone a rub for a change. That talk of a Star Wars show next week though scares me.

Results
Magnus/Samoa Joe b. Crimson/Matt Morgan – Middle rope elbow to Morgan
Austin Aries b. Mark Haskins – Reverse Dragon Sleeper
Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Spear
Tara b. Gail Kim – Widow’s Peak
James Storm b. Bully Ray – Last Call

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Back to Orlando for another week of shows, but after this (next week I believe) they’re off to England. Anyway, we now don’t have a number one contender because of the interference last week. This is probably setting up a triple threat or a fatal fourway at the PPV, which isn’t what I’m wanting but it’s probably going to happen and that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the whole issue from last week and how we have no #1 contender.

Jeff is beating up Ray in the back and rams him into a table a few times. Jeff chokes him with a broom and the fight keeps going. The cameraman chases after him and Ray gets in some weak shots. They go through a door and Hardy keeps beating him up. A white truck pulls up with Roode in it and he saves Ray by ramming Jeff into a sign. Ray gets a wooden pallet but opts for some metal thing instead. He drops the pallet on Jeff’s leg and then does it again. They throw him in the truck but Storm comes in for the save but is beaten down as well. Sting eventually chases everyone off. The sight of him sans paint scared them.

Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. Tara

The winner gets Gail at Against All Odds. Tara uses the Matrish to avoid a clothesline so it hits Velvet. We get into the standard formula of two fight while the third is down. Tara and Mickie do most of the fighting as we take a break. Back with Velvet monkey flipping Tara but Mickie breaks up whatever she was trying with a neckbreaker on Sky. Velvet knocks them both down, then Mickie knocks them both down. Thesz Press gets two on Velvet and a spinning kick gets the same on Tara. Velvet breaks up the jumping DDT and Tara hits the spinning side slam on Velvet onto Mickie (as in Sky landed on Mickie) for the pin at 9:37.

Rating: D. I think I’m getting very biased against women’s wrestling, but I just do not care at all about it. It’s whoever is hot at the moment and that’s about it. It’s not like people really care about it but they get a ton of time anyway. I don’t get it but there’s no way around it. Either way, weak match here but Tara vs. Gail could be good.

Gail says bring it.

We see highlights of the opening brawl earlier.

Here are Sting, Storm and Hardy to no music. He asks for Roode and Ray to get out here and the fight continues. Sting holds the good guys back with the bat and tries to calm things down. He gets them apart and says stay on one side. They fight again and eventually it’s made into a tag team tables match for later. That would be better if it wasn’t announced in the clip before the show started.

Shelley is facing Zema Ion and if he wins he gets the shot at Aries at Against All Odds.

Eric Young is getting ready and thinks a stagehand is Sammy Davis Jr. Angelina and Winter come up and imply sex. And they Love hits him low but he’s wearing a cup.

Zema Ion vs. Alex Shelley

Shelley takes over to start and gets a rollup for two. Zema beats him into the corner and doesn’t want this on cameras. He comes out of the corner with a spinning body press for two. Reverse powerbomb by Shelley and a powerbomb puts Ion on the floor. They fly around a bit and Ion sets for the 450 but Shelley moves and Sliced Bread ends this at 4:26.

Rating: C. This was a standard cruiserweight match and that’s about it. Shelley is fun to watch but ever since they’ve changed the weight limit, the title feels very secondary and the matches and feuds have felt like filler instead of something that I should care about. Such is life in a company run by Bischoff and Hogan.

AJ says that this business has changed everyone and tonight, he’s finding out why Kaz is Daniels’ puppet.

Tara says she’ll be training harder than ever and can beat Gail.

Earlier today, Eric went to Garrett’s gym to find out who the trainer is. Eric goes in and sees who it is but sends the trainer away. He was freaked out by it.

Winter/Angelina Love vs. ODB/Eric Young

Eric locks up with the referee who winds up on the apron and is then brought in. Now he tags in Eric and gets locked up with. Mike calls this the Harlem Globetrotters of wrestling. I’ve seen the Harlem Globetrotters. Eric Young is no Globetrotter. Over two minutes in and no contact yet. Winter finally hits him so Eric strips. ODB finally comes in and I’ve never been happier to see her in my life.

A Bronco Buster is messed up and Angelina takes over a few seconds later. Off to Winter who puts her in the Tree of Woe which is an image I don’t need. ODB gets in a shot and Eric throws in the flask for….another shot I guess. There’s the fallaway slam and nip up. Far too much of this match has been spent showing her underwear. Eric comes in and we get stereo airplane spins. TKO ends Angelina at 7:00.

Rating: F. I know Eric Young is popular. I get that, but my goodness I’m not a fan of him at all. This got seven minutes which is a lot of time that could have been used for someone else. Also, there was far too much of ODB losing her clothes.

Ray and Roode fire each other up for the match later.

Video on the tag title feud with Joe/Magnus challenging the champs.

Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan

Joe strikes him into the corner to start but Morgan uses the power of choking and chopping to come back. Morgan plays to the crowd with the elbows but gets caught in the choke. He breaks it quickly and beats on Joe even more. Clothesline gets two. Joe gets a boot up in the corner and a middle rope leg lariat gives him control.

A running charge in the corner and a kick to the head get two. Morgan takes over again and hits some clotheslines. A side slam gets two. Hellevator takes too long to set up so Joe kicks him down and a backsplash gets two. Morgan gets back up and hits a discus clothesline for….three? Mike sounds just as surprised as I am but it got the pin at 4:48.

Rating: C-. This was just ok. It still amazes me how far Joe has fallen in just a few years. He’s floated from random feud to random feud for years now and I still am not clear as to why that’s happened. This feud continues the theory that tag wrestling is done in this country, at least for the time being.

The champs get beaten down with Morgan taking the double team finisher from Magnus and Joe.

Hardy and Storm say they’ll win with a boom.

AJ wants to get to the bottom of this with Kaz and knows Daniels is pulling the strings. Here are Daniels and Kaz and the latter can’t talk to AJ. Daniels talks about how AJ is always throwing a tantrum about something or other. He says Kaz doesn’t owe AJ a thing. AJ goes to the floor but Daniels and Kaz backpedal. Daniels calls AJ a thug so AJ says he’ll turn around and let Kaz take his head off.

Kaz goes to leave but Daniels directs him to go do it. He goes to the apron and can’t do it. Daniels goes in and AJ knocks him to the floor with ease. AJ says Kaz can get in here right now and shake his hand and we’ll forget all this. The idiots at the Impact Zone count for some reason as Kaz gets in. AJ sticks out his hand but Daniels says Kaz isn’t going to do that so he gets out. Daniels says he’s had it and says he’s going to propose AJ vs. Kaz.

Jeff Hardy/James Storm vs. Bobby Roode/Bully Ray

Tables match. They manage to stay calm during the big match intros. SO Sting with a ball bat isn’t enough to keep them apart but Jeremy Borash is? Weird company man. Beer Money explodes on a table as Ray tries to suplex Hardy through one, only for Jeff to hang onto the ropes with his feet. This is all on the floor. Storm spits beer in Roode’s face. Ray takes over on Hardy but Storm makes the save. We take a break with Ray taking a water bottle to the head.

Back with Ray hitting Hardy with a chair. Hardy slingshots Ray into a post and a table is sent into the ring. Storm and Hardy try to suplex Roode through the table but Ray moves the table then takes them both down. It’s one person going through the table to end it. Roode comes back and stomps Storm to the floor so it’s Roode and Hardy in the ring now.

A table is set up in the corner and Hardy is almost able to send Roode through it but Ray makes the save. Ray tries a big boot through Hardy through the table but Jeff moves, leaving a hole in the table. Codebreaker takes Ray out but a spinebuster takes out Storm. Ray puts Hardy’s head against the post and punches it for awhile.

Storm goes into the steps and Hardy is put on the table in the ring. Ray goes up but Storm kicks him down. Now Storm goes up and Roode loads up a superplex through the table but Jeff moves. Hardy pulls Roode down and hits a Twist so he can put Roode on the table. Storm elbows Roode through it to win at 14:00.

Rating: C+. Not a bad table match and it was pretty fun on top of that. I’d assume this will wind up being a fourway for the title which is fine and would be a good way to shift it over to Hardy. This was a fun way to end the show as table matches are always popular for some reason that I’ve never quite gotten.

Post match, Ray destroys the winners with a chair and Hardy is powerbombed through a table.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m not a fan of TNA lately. The stories are all there and mostly make sense, but nothing they’re doing is grabbing me. Pretty much it’s “this happens then this happens which leads us to this.” That’s fine, but it’s not going to get people excited about things. It’s not a bad show at all but it really isn’t all that interesting. I couldn’t get into it all night and was just wanting it to end, which isn’t a good thing.

Results
Tara b. Mickie James and Velvet Sky – Pinned James after a spinning side slam to Sky
Alex Shelley b. Zema Ion – Sliced Bread #2
ODB/Eric Young b. Angelina Love/Winter – TKO to Love
Matt Morgan b. Samoa Joe – Discus Clothesline
Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Robert Roode/Bully Ray – Storm put Roode through a table

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 24, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

So the wedding was last week and as most weddings do, it drew a good audience. The main surprise from last week’s events though was that Tazz was introduced as the newest member of Aces and 8’s. While shocking, it doesn’t address the main issues the team has. Kennedy is their biggest star I guess, but that doesn’t really make them intimidating. This stable is almost eight months old. Don’t you think it’s time we got a bit more out of them? Oh and Hardy defends against Daniels tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap from last week.

Keneley and Tenay are disturbed by Tazz’s actions.

There’s kind of an opening sequence now.

Here are Aces and 8’s to open things up with Tazz leading the way. Tazz immediately gives us more about the team than we’ve gotten in the time they’ve been around: they’re out for revenge and redemption and they have a higher power. Last week was the wedding and there was a chance to step on the Hogans’ faces. They were just another victim and nothing more. As for Dixie Carter, Tazz signed a contract that says if anyone puts a hand on him that says he’ll make a fortune. Fast promo here.

Jesse hypes up Tara while bragging about himself.

Video on Daniels being around since the dawn of TNA.

Daniels says this is a turning point for his career tonight.

Tazz is back on commentary.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is back in the classic outfit instead of the catsuit which is a downgrade for me. Tara poses as the bell rings so Velvet grabs a quick rollup for two. Tara fights her back but stops to pose again and gets kicked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Tara in control as Tazz won’t answer questions about why he turned because it’s club business. Translation: it isn’t important enough/the writers haven’t figured out the answer yet.

The shaky moonsault gets two for Tara but she goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down accordingly. Velvet comes back with a headscissors and a spinning faceplant but Jesse has the referee’s attention. Tara knocks Jesse down and a rollup gets two for Velvet. Sky loads up a suplex but Jesse hooks her foot ala Bobby Heenan and Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 5 to give Tara the win at 9:42.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t horrible but the first part of the match was pretty sloppy. The division is at a standstill at this point as nothing has really changed for awhile. It’s the same set of girls having the same matches that we’ve seen for years now. Velvet’s big return basically means nothing at this point and hasn’t changed anything. Also, can more than two Knockouts appear on screen at once or is that against the rules?

Open Fight Night is back next week.

Sting has something to say later on.

Kenny King talks to himself in the mirror when Zema Ion comes up to talk strategy. Tension is teased and I can’t bring myself to be interested.

Here’s Joseph Park to say that his place is here on Impact instead of in the courtroom. He never got that win though, or that W as the boys call it. He’s here to be the best he can be and holds up a passport, saying he’ll be here next week in Manchester to compete in Open Fight Night. He doesn’t know who he’s facing but he’s going to spend the week watching film. Next week he’ll deliver his verdict and then hold his own court and get that W.

Zema Ion/Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam/Christian York

York and Ion start things off as Tazz talks about which of these guys would be a good addition to the team. Off to Van Dam who goes after King on the apron and gets in trouble for his efforts. King comes in legally and hits a nice snap suplex for two. Back to Ion for his usual lame stuff as we hear about Bellator for the 100^th time in two weeks.

Ion misses a 450 and everything breaks down. Rob loads up the split legged moonsault on Zema but King crotches him, only to get elbowed back down. Rob gets kicked off the top and Ion tags himself in. A tornado DDT is countered but King hits a springboard Blockbuster to give Ion the pin at 5:09.

Rating: C. I’m trying to care about Ion and it’s just not working at all. The guy just isn’t that good but he of all the people that have been brought in to the division over the last few years, they pick HIM to stick around and push? York and King looked fine here while Van Dam was Van Dam. I’m hoping King wins the title soon as it would shake the division up a bit while also being logical progression.

Tazz leaves to take a phone call.

Bully and Brooke arrive and will do their talking in the ring.

Joe tells Garrett and Wes that they can’t suck up to him like they do to Angle. Kurt pops up and says he’s still hurt but he can fight.

We recap the wedding. Again.

Here are Bully and Brooke to the ring. Bully says that he expected this from D-Von but not Tazz. Last week Aces and 8’s hurt Sting who is the only person that has trusted Ray. They also hurt Hogan who it took forever to get to accept Ray, but more importantly they hurt Brooke. Ray tells Aces and 8’s to sleep with their eyes open until he takes care of all of them. However he needs the absent Hulk to lift his suspension to do that. Cue Sting who begs Hulk to take this all the way like he does with everything else. He believes that Hogan will do the right thing next week in Manchester.

Aries and Roode praise each other to try to get out of a match with Hernandez. Aries: “You were the longest reigning champion ever.” Roode: “Then you beat me.” Aries: “Well yeah but…” Eventually Roode is tricked into taking the match because he’s the power guy and Aries should clean up. Roode is confused but Aries leaves before Bobby can complain.

Video on Hardy before Hardy says (out loud!) that he’ll win.

Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode

Roode tries to pound away a bit but gets backdropped for his efforts. Tenay thinks Roode is a better singles wrestler than Hernandez. The PROFESSOR ladies and gentlemen. There’s the delayed vertical suplex to Roode but he immediately comes back with a guillotine on the top rope. Tazz says he could see either of these guys joining Aces and 8’s in the future. Roode hooks a chinlock but SuperMex fights out of it and hits the slingshot shoulder to take over.

There’s the corner splash and the over the shoulder backbreaker for no cover. Roode comes back with a chop but gets sent to the floor. Hernandez loads up a dive but Aries runs out for the save. He and Chavo get in a fight on the floor as Roode hits a bulldog on Hernandez for the clean pin at 5:41.

Rating: C-. A bulldog is enough for a pin? The problem here is that Hernandez is completely uninteresting and Chavo doesn’t help much. They’re very dull champions as they don’t really do anything other than hold the titles and have decent matches. Roode and Aries are hilarious but I don’t really care to see them as tag champions. The match was ok at best.

Here’s Angle to say that next week he’s calling out Anderson on Open Fight Night. Cue Anderson in full Aces and 8’s gear to say that he wants to fight right now. After the brawl erupts, Angle clears the ring and says that it’s going to be in a cage next week.

Post break Anderson is panicking over the cage match but D-Von says drink beer and calm down. He has a plan apparently.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Daniels

Daniels is challenging here and literally dances to the ring. Tazz predicts that Hardy is going to have trouble in the year 2013. Feeling out process to start with Hardy taking over, only to miss a charge in the corner and fall to the floor. Kaz comes in to celebrate and we take a break. Back with Daniels hitting a clothesline and choking away on Hardy for a bit. A modified neckbreaker hits for two on Hardy and it’s off to the chinlock.

Hardy comes back with a clothesline and speeds things way up before getting two off the mule kick. A middle rope splash gets two but Hardy jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Daniels busts out the Koji Clutch which we haven’t seen in years and that no one seems to know the name of. Christopher loads up something like a superplex but gets caught in the front suplex from the top for two. The Twist is countered into the Angel’s Wings for two but the BME and Swanton both miss, the latter of which gives Hardy two. Hardy counters Angel’s Wings into a rana and it’s double Twist and Swanton to retain at 14:10.

Rating: B. Good match here with both guys looking great. Daniels is SO much more fun to watch when he’s not against AJ all the time and his latest run has been all kinds of entertaining. The promos are way better than the matches, which is saying a lot as the match here was solid stuff. Hardy winning was pretty clear but that’s not always a bad thing. Good main event here.

Post match Tazz distracts Hardy and a masked biker hits Jeff in the knee with a hammer to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was ok but not much better than that. At the end of the day not a lot was really explained that we didn’t know already and there wasn’t much followup at all to the wedding stuff from last week. The main event was solid and the post match stuff is likely due to Hardy not being able to appear in the UK due to his legal issues over the years. Pretty decent stuff here but the wrestling wasn’t all that great save for one match.

Results

Tara b. Velvet Sky – Tara pinned Sky after Jesse tripped her

Zema Ion/Kenny King b. Rob Van Dam/Christian York – Ion pinned York after a springboard Blockbuster from King

Bobby Roode b. Hernandez – Bulldog

Jeff Hardy b. Christopher Daniels – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 17, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

Tonight is about the wedding of Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan. For those of you that haven’t followed Impact Wrestling for awhile, you did indeed read that properly. Also we get to deal with the fallout from Genesis as we now have about two months before the next three hour PPV in Lockdown. Odds are we’re not going to really start building up to that for awhile yet. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap opens things up while recapping them.

Ray is getting his tuxedo ready and seems happy. Spike Dudley comes in (complete with taped glasses) and is followed by Tommy Dreamer. Apparently they’re his groomsmen.

Some Knockouts are Brooke’s bridesmaids. It’s not clear if Hulk is going to be there or not.

Here’s Hardy to open the show. He talks about retaining at Genesis and surviving against all odds. Hardy says he does what he does for the people and he’ll keep fighting for them forever. 2013 is going to be the year of Jeff Hardy so bring on the fights. This brings out Daniels and Kaz to talk about Daniels’ title shot next week which he won by beating Storm on Sunday. Daniels does his usual name jokes but Hardy wants to fight right now. Hardy gets beaten down until Storm runs in for the save. If you can’t figure out what this sets up, go read something else.

James Storm/Jeff Hardy vs. Bad Influence

Actually it starts right now. It’s a brawl to start with Jeff diving on both opponents as we take a break. Back with Storm vs. Daniels before it’s quickly off to the champion. Storm comes back in after about half a second to start working on the arm. Daniels rams him into the corner so Kaz can choke away like a good heel would. Bad Influence (I’m really not feeling that name and it’s barely ever used) takes their turns on Storm as we’re waiting on the big hot tag to Jeff.

Storm finally hits a Russian legsweep and makes the aforementioned hot tag, hitting a running clothesline off the apron to take Daniels down. Everything breaks down and Storm hits Closing time on Daniels. He dives over the top at Chris and hurts his own knee in the process. Kaz escapes the Twist and rakes Hardy’s eyes to set up a small package for two. Hardy grabs a VERY sloppy Twist for the pin at 12:00.

Rating: C. Really basic tag match here which didn’t do anything of note. The smart thing to do here would be to have Daniels pin Hardy via cheating of some kind but instead they just had things go like usual. The Twist at the end was pretty sloppy too which didn’t help anything. I’m also not sure what Storm is getting out of this but maybe it’s too early to say.

Daniels blasts Hardy in the back and hits Angel’s Wings on the belt.

The Gut Check guys talk about the match last week.

Joseph Park gives Ray some Cuban cigars that may or may not be legal. He also asks about a prenup and gives a thumbs up or down. Ray: “OUT!” Funny stuff.

Time for Gut Check. Apparently only one guy gets to go to the judges and that’s Jay Bradley (meaning Brian Cage goes home). Tazz says no, so Jay gives a decent speech saying he’s earned this shot. Snow says yes, Bruce says yes, he gets a contract. Why this is supposed to be interesting I’m not sure.

Christian York vs. Kenny King

This is fallout from King’s attack on York that likely cost him the title on Sunday. York dives onto King to start and beats on him on the floor before heading back inside for a clothesline. Christian pounds away in the corner and hits a bunch of kicks to King’s face. This is one sided so far. King fires off a kick but York immediately comes back with a suplex. He loads King into the Rack to do what King did to him on Sunday, but Kenny rakes the eyes and rolls York up with a handful of trunks to win at 2:52. King’s offense consisted of an eye rake, a kick and a rollup.

Ray asks Sting to talk to Hulk for him. Sting says he’ll try.

Aries antagonizes Roode for not winning the title before saying the arguing makes no sense. The slanting isn’t in their favor and Aries is tired of it. Apparently they’re crashing the wedding.

Taz goes to the back to help set up for the wedding.

Hulk is in the parking lot and the cameraman asks him if he’s here for the wedding tonight. Hulk says nothing other than saying get the camera out of his face.

Taz comes in to Bully’s room and they make fun of Heyman a bit. Dreamer asks about Hogan but Ray says he’s marrying Brooke as long as his guys are here with him.

We recap the Ray/Hogans stuff.

Here’s Sting to ask Hogan to come out and talk about the wedding. Hogan says he doesn’t trust Bully because in wrestling, everyone stabs everyone in the back. He wants an explanation from Sting on why he trusts Bully. Sting talks about all of the times that Ray has saved them but Hogan says he has a bad feeling about this and he’ll never trust Bully Ray. Sting says Hulk needs to do this for himself and Brooke. Hulk says he’ll do the right thing. Brother.

Gail Kim talks to Taryn Terrell and explains how she cost Gail the gauntlet match on Sunday. Apparently Brooke has given Gail a rematch against Velvet, making the whole thing on PPV completely pointless.

We get clips of Bully Ray at a strip club for his bachelor party.

Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Winner gets a title shot at some point. I’m digging Velvet’s new curly hair. Velvet sends her to the floor to start as we’re not exactly in a fast gear early on. A sunset flip gets two for Velvet so Gail kicks her in the ribs to take over. A neckbreaker gets two for Kim and Velvet gets the same off a snap suplex. Sky can’t hit a bulldog so Gail dropkicks her down. Eat Defeat hits but Velvet gets a foot under the rope at two. Now the bulldog hits as does a headscissors. A kind of spinning X-Factor takes down Gail and In Yo Face gets the pin at 5:54.

Rating: D+. I don’t care. I’ve tried for months now and I just do not care about the Knockouts at all. They’re mostly gorgeous, they have good outfits on, and I do not care anything at all past that. The same girls have been having the same matches and feuds for years now and I do not care at all. The match was the usual stuff.

Dixie and Brooke have a girl moment.

It’s 9:30 and with nothing else to go, it’s time for the wedding???

We recap Daniels and Hardy earlier.

Here are Aries and Roode to complain about life in general. They say there should be a celebration about the two of them because without the two of them, there wouldn’t be a show. They complain about not having respect despite being champion for almost all of last year. Aries points out how all of the champions in TNA used to be big deals….ten years ago. This brings out Chavo and Hernandez, complaints are made, Mexican food jokes are made, a brawl breaks out and the champs clear the ring. Ok so the wedding only gets twenty minutes. That’s WAY better.

Hogan and Sting are STILL talking. Sting suggests that maybe Brooke can see something Hogan can’t.

It’s wedding time. Ray is in a tux which is weird to say the least. The groomsmen come out with the bridesmaids (looking GOOD tonight) and here’s Brooke. Hulk finally comes out (setting a record in getting into a tuxedo) to a big ovation. The fans tell Hulk to shake Bully’s hand. They get through a LONG intro from the minister and saying how much they care about each other. No one objects, they both say I do, and Tazz takes the mic from the minister.

Tazz asks if Bully is sure, then says it’s too hot in here. He takes off his jacket, and reveals an Aces and 8’s vest. The big brawl ends the ceremony and show. Brooke gets kidnapped again as Ray takes a pedestal to the face

Overall Rating: C-. The question coming into this show wasn’t would there be a swerve in the wedding but rather what would the swerve be. As for what we got…..eh. It’s still someone else that doesn’t really change anything, so who cares? Other than that though, there wasn’t much here. They did a good job of hyping up the world title match next week, but other than that there wasn’t much going on here. This was ALL about the wedding, which is ok, but if you’re not into that storyline, go watch something else. TNA has run into that problem before and while it isn’t as bad as it’s been in the past, they’re getting close to it.

Results

James Storm/Jeff Hardy b. Bad Influence – Twist of Fate to Kazarian

Kenny King b. Christian York – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – In Yo Face

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 10, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

It’s both the go home show for Genesis and the return of Gut Check, although in a tweeked format. This time it’s going to be TWO guys fighting for a contract, although there’s no word on whether or not a win guarantees a contract. Other than that we’re getting ready for Genesis, which isn’t exactly a show I’m thrilled about watching. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here are Sting, Joe and Angle to the ring. Sting says it’s good to be back and on Sunday he’s coming for Doc. As for tonight, he’s here with some friends like the big black bat, Shooter and Killer. He invites the bikers to come get some and Joe says the same. Kurt gets a HUGE chant and says that he wants to know where Mr. Anderson stands.

Here’s Anderson who says that these guys were nowhere to be seen months ago when Aces and 8’s beat him down. After that Sting had a new partner (he’s talking about the BFG match) and now they’re questioning why he would turn his back on TNA. Angle says you’re either with us or we’re going to fight. Anderson gets in the ring and says he doesn’t have to answer to Angle and the fight is on.

One of the Gut Check guys is Jay Bradley, who odds are you don’t remember from WWECW as Ryan Braddock.

Brooke Hogan gets a phone call from Mark, which is Bully Ray’s first name.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament Semi-Finals: Zema Ion vs. Kenny King

The winner of this faces Christian York at Genesis with the winner getting a title shot at Van Dam later in the night. King sends him to the floor but misses a dive, followed immediately by Ion sliding back in and hitting a flip dive of his own. Back in and King gets two off a spinwheel kick as we talk about the new PPV system. Ion guillotines King on the top rope and gets two off a DDT. King tries the Royal Flush but gets taken down instead. Ion loads up a 450 but misses, and by misses I mean hits King as King rolls away. King pops up and hits the Royal Flush to advance to Genesis at 3:05.

Rating: C. Take two guys, put them in the ring and have them fly around the ring all over the place. Nothing special here but King looks much better than Ion. Then again I’ve seen festering blisters that don’t look as bad as Ion. Also wasn’t King a heel until a few weeks ago? He certainly didn’t act like one here.

King says he’ll win on Sunday.

Robbie E tries to get Tessmacher into a mixed tag later but she wants to tag with Robbie T. Tessmacher to E: “You disgust me!” E: “Why does every girl say that to me???”

Joseph Park is back and is ready to be a wrestler. He then walks into a door and can’t get inside.

Tara/Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher

If nothing else, we get a clip of the Bro Off and Robbie E’s hilarious face. Jesse tries to jump Rob from behind because he’s an idiot and earns a slam. Off to the girls with Tessmacher taking over and hitting an X Factor out of the corner. There’s a Stinkface because that’s what you get on a wrestling show. T LAUNCHES Jesse into the corner and hits a BIG old powerbomb for the pin at 1:46.

T and Tessmacher dance post match and Robbie E LOSES IT. They kiss and E is about to have a heart attack. WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG FOR THEM TO BE THIS FUNNY???

Brian Cage talks about Gut Check.

Gut Check: Brian Cage vs. Jay Bradley

They’re both rookies and next week only one of them gets a contract. I have no idea which is which here. I know Bradley is from OVW but I’m not familiar with Cage. Bradley takes over with a slam and loads up his clothesline finisher but gets dropkicked tot he apron instead. Cage gets on the middle rope to suplex Bradley back inside and gets two off a spinning top rope elbow. Bradley pops back up and hits his running clothesline (the Boomstick) for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C. This was fine but at the end of the day, this doesn’t really address the main problems with Gut Check: we never see these guys again, they’re still just guys in trunks fighting, and they all have the same story. Bradley was fine and will get the contract and no one will care, because we haven’t been given a reason to care.

Anderson yells at Aces and 8’s telling them to get serious. The girls are thrown out. The bikers go to a meeting and yell at Knox for losing his mask.

Joseph Park is in the ring and is glad to be back from camp. He asks Hulk to come out and here’s the big bald himself. Hulk says he’s got important things to deal with right no and Park needs more time than just a few weeks in camp. Park wants one of the Aces and 8’s so Hulk gives him any match he wants to shut him up.

Park leaves so here’s Brooke to pop up on screen and say she’s coming to the ring right now….thanks for the warning I guess?

Post break here’s Brooke to whine about being ignored. She has an important question and it’s going to determine their relationship for a long time. The question is will he reinstate Mark and Hulk says no. Well that was quick.

Aries and Roode talk about how awesome their shirts are and argue about what to wear to the ring. An argument over who is better and deserves to be the champion follows. If I heard Aries right, he calls them a wet dream team. Now they argue over who gets to go to the ring first. Funny stuff here.

Video on the guys in the triple threat on Sunday.

Bobby Roode/Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy/James Storm

So again, the bikers and their matches on Sunday of Sting vs. Doc and Park vs. likely Knox takes precedent over the world title. Roode and Hardy start things off with both guys getting in some quick shots, leading to a stalemate. Off to Aries via an aggressive tag so he can show off some lighter trunks. Aries takes hardy to the mat and rides him around to show off a bit. Hardy comes back with a headscissors and the good guys double team their villains for a bit. Aries gets hung upside down from the ropes by his feet before arguing with Roode for not pulling him down.

We take a break and come back with Roode charging into an elbow in the corner. Hardy goes up to dive onto the floor onto Roode but gets shaken down and crotched. Aries tags himself in by slapping Roode hard on the back before going after Jeff’s leg. Back to Roode who gets caught in a sunset flip for a delayed two due to the referee arguing with Aries. Back to Austin who takes turns with Roode in trying to one up the other. Roode suplexes Hardy down for no cover and drops a knee for the same.

Roode goes up but jumps into a boot, which combined with a mule kick by Jeff brings in Storm off the hot tag. Storm cleans house to big reactions from the crowd. An Alabama Slam puts Aries down as does a neckbreaker to Roode. Closing Time (Codebreaker) sends Aries to the floor but Daniels and Kaz run in to distract Storm and prevent the Last Call. Hardy hits a Twisting Stunner on Roode but Aries blasts Jeff in the back with the belt for the DQ at 13:38.

Rating: C+. This was perfectly fine for what it was supposed to be: a basic main event style tag match to set up a triple threat as well as a singles match on Sunday. The idea of two challengers being in an argument over the title on Sunday and allowing Hardy to overcome the odds to retain is a good idea.

Roode and Aries fight over the belt post match.

Brooke tells Mark not to come here tonight but asks him to come pick her up. Ok then.

The tag champs attack Morgan and Ryan inside a trailer. Still don’t care about this.

We run down the Genesis card. There’s a Knockouts gauntlet match for a title shot at a date to be determined. Park gets to fight D-Von on Sunday presumably meaning that Knox doesn’t have a match on Sunday.

Hardy monologues about Sunday.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Anderson comes out from the regular entrance and to his own music. He does his entrance as usual and I can’t say I missed it that much. Well I could but I would be lying. Anderson bails to the floor to hide and Angle tells him to get in here for a fight. Anderson stalls some more and here’s Knox with the hammer to beat Angle down. No match. Brisco and Bischoff and Joe run out for the save.

Angle gets taken out on a stretcher. I’m guessing he needs time off.

Sting comes out and wants Knox RIGHT NOW. Well after a break that is of course.

Post break and it’s bat vs. hammer in what I think is going to be a match in a bit. Yep we get a bell after Knox gets hit with a bat.

Sting vs. Mike Knox

Hit with a bat? Why would that stop someone? Knox pounds Sting down to start as the fans chant for Sting. We head to the floor with Sting sending Knox into the steps a few times which still isn’t a DQ. Sting puts him against the barricade and ACTUALLY HITS THE SPLASH. That might be the second time I’ve ever seen him hit that. Back in and the Deathlock is countered but Sting no sells Knox’s offense. The Splash sets up the Death Drop for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D. I’m seriously laughing at this match. Knox, the newest member of the team, is already losing his matches just like a good member of the team. They’ve completely lost the chances of making people take them seriously at this point, which defeats the purpose of a monster heel stable in the first place. Nothing to see here at all.

Post match Sting hits Knox in the hand with a hammer but D-Von pops up with possession of Brooke. He promises to make this their year and here’s Ray with his chain for the save. Brooke gets away from Aces and 8’s after being in their grip for all of 18 seconds. Hogan comes out with his arms crossed and glares.

Post break Hogan blames Ray for all these problems and says Ray isn’t the man for his daughter. Ray goes into his “I love this business” schtick and that he didn’t think he could love anything more than wrestling….until he met Brooke. She was apologizing for Hogan being a jerk. Hulk drops his mic and Ray keeps talking about how fast this is happening. He says screw this and puts Brooke between the two of them. Bully says he cares about Brooke a lot and gets on his knee to propose to her. She says yes and Ray wants it to happen next week on Impact. Sure why not.

Overall Rating: C+. This show wasn’t bad but it certainly wasn’t good either. It had it’s moments of comedy, but unfortunately only half of them were meant to be funny. Aces and 8’s are rapidly approaching unintentional comedy area which may be entertaining, but certainly not in the way TNA was shooting for. The world title stuff was good and nothing on the show was horrible, but it didn’t do much for making me want to see Genesis.

Results

Kenny King b. Zema Ion – Royal Flush

Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Jesse Godderz – Powerbomb to Godderz

Jay Bradley b. Brian King – Boomstick

Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries via DQ when Aries hit Hardy with a belt

Sting b. Mike Knox – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 27, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

Hey it’s Open Fight Night, BECAUSE WE JUST HAD A FREAKING GIMMICK SHOW LAST WEEK! Pay no attention to the fact that these shows never accomplish anything and the ratings keep going down, because clearly these stupid gimmicks are the only thing holding them up as high as they go. The show will likely be fine but man alive I don’t care about this Open Fight thing. Let’s get to it.

After the usual opening recap, here’s Bully Ray with something to say. He realizes he and Hogan can’t get along because Hogan won’t trust him. Tonight, he’s calling Hulk out for a talk rather than a fight. The music plays but there’s no Hulk. Instead we get Brooke who says Hulk isn’t here. We get the melodramatic promo from Brooke about how someone had a camera or something because Hulk knows. DOES NO ONE WATCH THEIR OWN TV SHOWS ANYMORE??? Ray denies anything exists and leaves with Brooke trying to talk sense into him.

Here’s Aries who doesn’t care what the fans think of him. He’ll win the title back soon but tonight, he’s going to be in the main event against Roode for costing him the title last week.

Samoa Joe calls out the hammer guy from Aces and 8’s and promises to take his mask.

Samoa Joe vs. Masked Man

Joe pounds away to start but gets beaten down in the corner. The masked guy (I believe Mike Knox) hits the running crotch attack in 619 position but misses a charge in the corner. Joe tries the MuscleBuster but gets kicked away. There’s the Clutch instead and the masked guy is out at 2:56.

Joe goes for the mask but the rest of the bikers come in for the save. Of course they do.

Robbie E and Jesse have a Dude/Bro off. I’m strangely intrigued by this. The challenge is for a Bro Off later rather than a match of course.

Kenny King tells Christian York to watch tonight and maybe he’ll get an X Title match.

It’s time for the Bro Off, which has three rules: every bro for himself, you have to end everything in bro….and the third rule isn’t listed. Apparently this is a dance off. Scratch that as Robbie dances and Jesse poses. Jesse presses Tara over his head but apparently it’s Bros and not Hoes, so Robbie wins by DQ. Robbie T says that’s not it because he’s in this too. He poses as well before pressing Robbie E over his head. T also fist pumps, backflips, does one handed pushups and humps the mat. The look on E and Jesse’s faces are HILARIOUS. T wins apparently.

Van Dam, looking higher than I’ve ever seen him, calls out Christian York instead of Kenny King.

Christian York vs. Rob Van Dam

Feeling out process to start with both guys missing some strikes. York hits a half nelson suplex to take over and a kick to Van Dam’s back to follow up. A rana sends Van Dam to the outside and a missile dropkick back inside for no cover. The Mood Swing (Eve’s rolling neckbreaker) gets two as does a kick out of the corner from York. York hits a top rope double stomp to the back for two but misses a charge in the corner. Van Dam hits a split legged moonsault for two and Rolling Thunder for no cover. Five Star gets the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C. Nice spot fest here but literally that’s it. There was nothing between these moves which gets really annoying really fast. York is a guy who they’re at least making look competent, which is all you can ask for with a new guy like him. Also at least there’s something to look at, unlike the other Gut Check people who never show up again.

D-Von talks about getting someone new to join the club. Doc is with some girls and approves of the plan.

We get a package on Joseph Park in OVW. Park: “I’m setting the bar for training.” Danny Davis: “He’s dumber than a box of rocks.” We get the clip of Park morphing into Abyss which was the potential that Davis was looking for.

Bad Influence goes to make sure they don’t have any merchandise on sale. They have a post-Christmas present for everyone.

Remember to vote for Superstar of the Year.

Roode says he’s winning tonight and getting the title back at Genesis.

Sting is still going to be back on 1-3-13.

Daniels dances out to the ring and says greetings and salutations to all you ham sandwiches. He’s the reason AJ hasn’t been around anymore so why not do it one more time? He calls out AJ and naturally it’s Kaz in the AJ gear. Kaz cuts a promo in a GREAT AJ impersonation and says how great Daniels is. Kaz: “I’m not going to wrestle you. I’m going to go find Clair Lynch and….” Daniels: “NO! NOBODY WANTS THAT!”

The tag champions come out and challenge Bad Influence for right now.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bad Influence

Fast paced start with Daniels getting thrown around by Chavo. Off to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly overhead suplex. The champions pound away on Daniels before slamming Kaz onto Daniels for no cover. Daniels begs away from Hernandez and we take a break. Back with Hernandez doing his delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. I’m not sure if any time has actually passed since we left. Things break down and Daniels takes over on SuperMex.

The non-champions hit back to back slingshot strikes on Hernandez to take over. The match drags on and gets very boring in a hurry with the heels in control. After about 8 hours, the lukewarm tag brings in Chavo who hits Three Amigos on Kaz. Bad Influence hits a Hart Attack for two but Hernandez sends them to the floor. The champs hit a double dive to the floor before throwing Kaz back in for the Frog Splash and the pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. The match was fine but OH MY GOODNESS Chavo and Hernandez are boring. You have Bad Influence getting some of the funniest lines in this company in years and they get to job time after time to this generic Latino tag team. Seriously, that’s the ONLY thing about the champs that sets them apart from any two other guys. They’re the champions and they’re going to have them for a long time, because there is no tag division in TNA.

Hardy has little to say.

Video on Aces and 8’s attacking people with the hammer.

We see the guy that Aces and 8’s wants to join….and it’s Mr. Anderson. He’s offered women to help them out and apparently they’re good enough to sway him into considering it.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

You know, for those people who wanted this feud to be picked up again. Tessmacher takes over to start and does the Stinkface thing in the corner. Gail gets knocked to the floor but takes over back inside. Kim loads up a super rana but Tessmacher blocks it, sending Gail down onto her head. FREAKING OW MAN! A dragon sleeper in the corner doesn’t do much for Tessmacher so Gail takes over again. The sloppiness continues but Tessmacher can’t hit that Tesshocker thing of hers. A top rope elbow misses Gail and Eat Defeat ends this at 5:24.

Rating: D. I can’t stand the Knockouts anymore and these two sucking the charisma out of things that don’t even have charisma in the first place are a good reason for that. Nothing to see here at all and I barely have enough to say to fill in the four lines of space that I try to have for each rating.

Next week it’s Aces and 8’s vs. Angle/Joe in a cage. Sure why not.

Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start until Aries sends Roode to the floor. He loads up the suicide dive but stops cold when Roode is waiting on him. We take a break (complete with a Hardy voiceover) and come back to see them hammering on each other before Aries is sat on top. They ring each others’ ears and trade pokes to the eyes. Aries knocks Roode down and tries what looks like an elbow, only to roll through when Roode moves.

Bobby loads up a spear but gets caught in the Last Chancery. Roode pokes the eyes to escape and puts on the Crossface which I guess is his secondary finisher. Aries goes to the eyes as well to escape, showing some nice storytelling here. Roode begs off in the corner but trips Aries up for two with his feet on the ropes.

Aries tries a rollup with trunks for two of his own but walks into the spinebuster for two. Hebner disarms Roode of the chair he picked up, allowing Aries to hit a discus elbow for two. Now Austin brings in the chair but Henber will still have none of it. Hebner goes off on both guys so they both deck him and toss him to the floor, throwing the match out at about 13:00.

Rating: B-. I had a great time with this and I’m glad neither guy won. There was no reason to have one guy go over the other and the stereo cheating was a great touch. It’s clear they’re setting up a threeway and that’s probably the right move to go with until we set up Aries vs. Hardy whatever at Lockdown. Good stuff here.

Post match they both go for the chair but Hardy runs out and takes both guys out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The first hour was pretty good but after that this show fell off a cliff. I’m not sure what it was but I think the tag match had something to do with it. The problem with TNA is when something is bad, it’s REALLY bad and that’s what happened here. We’re two weeks away from Genesis and as usual, we have NOTHING scheduled yet. The three way is pretty obvious, but other than that the card could go in a lot of directions. By this point though, we should have hit some stops as we head in a direction.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Masked Man – Koquina Clutch

Rob Van Dam b. Christian York – Five Star Frog Splash

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Bad Influence – Frog Splash to Kazarian

Gail Kim b. Miss Tessmacher – Eat Defeat

Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 20, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Championship Thursday, meaning we’ve got three title matches in a single night. The Knockouts Title, the TV Title and the World Title are all on the line tonight, because this monthly show is on par with a $40 PPV they just had. Other than that we’re likely to get more of the Hogans arguing over Bully Ray because that’s the focus of Impact anymore. WWE turned it up this week so TNA needs to follow suit. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard recap of last week’s show. The hosts talk about the show tonight also.

TV Title: Kurt Angle vs. D-Von

D-Von is defending and Angle has a bad ankle due to an attack last week/a legit groin injury. Angle brings out his own guys to counter Aces and 8’s in the form of Garrett, Wes and Joe. Angle gets behind D-Von to start but can’t snap off the suplex. Instead it’s a clothesline to take the champion down as Angle can’t move very well right now. D-Von is sent to the floor and the backup guys get in a big brawl while Angle waits on him to come back. All of the guys on the floor are ejected, but in the melee D-Von chop blocks Angle.

We take a break and come back with D-Von holding a basic leg lock on Angle but Kurt grabs the rope. D-Von cannonballs down on the leg ala Flair for two. That’s not old school enough for him though as it’s a Funk spinning toe hold now. Another chop block keeps Angle in trouble as Todd talks about the power struggle. What power? Aces and 8’s have the lowest title on the roster and that’s it.

Angle hits a middle rope missile dropkick to put both guys down, followed by some clotheslines. The overhead belly to belly gets two but D-Von escapes the Angle Slam and hits a really lame spinebuster for two. Angle starts rolling Germans and puts on the ankle lock, but here are Aces and 8’s again. Kurt’s three guys come out to counter them and in the distraction, the big masked man hits Angle in the back with a pipe so D-Von can retain the title at 11:08.

Rating: D+. Angle was hobbled here and that left D-Von to carry the match. That doesn’t make for an entertaining match as D-Von just isn’t good enough to hang with Kurt, even if he’s injured. On top of that, this still does nothing for Aces and 8’s. At the end of the day, it’s still D-Von. That doesn’t make anyone care at all.

Time for the Knockouts deliberation which is an excuse to have Brooke on TV more. ODB is thrown out because she has an injured husband.

Kenny King says he won last week and that’s all that matters. They’ll make good partners tonight though.

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan vs. Rob Van Dam/Kenny King

Does Morgan plan to do anything with that robe or is it just there for now? Van Dam and Joey start things off with the champion (Van Dam) kicking Joey down. The standing moonsault gets two and it’s off to King. Morgan comes in and kicks King’s head off before it’s back to Ryan for his non-existent offense. Matt smacks King in the back of the head before it’s back to Ryan. King sunset flips him out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to RVD. King and Van Dam dropkick Morgan down and kick Ryan as well, but Kenny bails when confronted by Morgan. Matt kicks Rob’s head off to give Ryan the pin at 4:55.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here for the most part, but Ryan would be the outlier. He’s so useless and is only there for the occasional sight gag on a commercial. He’s another indy guy that has done nothing of note once he’s gotten to the main stage. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that he owned the only company he did well in too.

We recap AJ’s speech last week.

Kazarian doesn’t care about AJ but likes that we’re five days from Christmas. He has a surprise for the fans.

Here’s Hulk for his weekly chat. He can’t believe how awesome this company is anymore and talks about how there’s going to be voting for the Impact Wrestler of the Year with Jeff Hardy being announced on January 3. Oh wait I mean the winner, which only could be Jeff Hardy. It’s not like he’s going to destroy everyone else in voting or anything. Anyway here’s Aces and 8’s to protest. D-Von says that this was Aces and 8’s year and says that next year will be as well. The bikers start to get in the ring but Bully Ray runs out for the save with his chain. D-Von says Ray is next. Hogan still won’t shake Ray’s hand.

Hardy is ready for Aries. Thankfully he says this instead of thinking it.

Tessmacher gets eliminated in another stupid Knockouts segment.

Here’s Kaz with some presents for Daniels. There’s a Christmas Tree in the ring with a picture of Daniels and Kaz on top. “That tree has TWO stars on it!” Daniels is brought out with an appletini and a scarf to sit on a throne. Kaz brings out Santa who is rather slim here. They give Santa some Zumbz pants in a funny bit. Santa asks Daniels if he’s been a good boy this year. Daniels says he got rid of the biggest loser in TNA and wants to use his Christmas wish on Styles’ kids, because their dad is so worthless.

Cue Storm who says he doesn’t like hearing these guys run down Christmas. Kaz says put him on the naughty list, which draws Daniels into the ring. Santa says hold it and Storm doesn’t think he’s the real Kris Kringle. If he’s the real Santa, why didn’t Storm get a real Red Ryder BB gun when he was six. Santa: “I’m the real Santa.” Storm: “Shut up.” Storm wants to know what he asked for last Christmas and Santa comes up with a Travis Tritt CD. Actually he wanted a case of beer, so here’s a superkick for Santa. Storm throws DVDs to the fans.

Aries asks if you could hear it. Apparently no one can hear his thoughts, but tonight he’ll prove he’s the best in the universe.

1-3-13 is Sting. Ok then.

Aces and 8’s gets yelled at by their boss for letting Bully Ray keep Hogan from getting his beating. D-Von says he has someone that can fix this and says they can be here next week. A vote says ok do it.

Mickie gets the shot.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

Mickie grabs a bunch of quick rollups for two each but Jesse trips her up to give Tara control. A hair beal gets two and Tara pounds away a bit. She pulls on Mickie’s face and whips her into the corner with authority. Whose authority that is I’m not sure but she certainly had it. The spinning side slam is countered into a headscissors but the referee is with Jesse. A powerslam gets two for the champion but Mickie slams her down to get a breather.

They slug it out from their knees and Mickie hits a sloppy jumping DDT for two. Jesse and Tara try to leave, so Mickie dives on Jesse off the top. Jesse interferes AGAIN, allowing Tara to hit something like an atomic drop which bends Mickie’s knee back for the pin to retain at 7:00. Oh ok it was a facebuster.

Rating: D+. This started ok and then fell apart at the end. I had a hard time keeping up with what was going on in the ring, and in a match this simple that should never be the case. Nothing to see here as this match literally happened less than two weeks ago. Why would I want to see it again?

Joseph Park is still training in OVW and he’s still really bad at it. Joseph: “THAT HURT!” Danny Davis: “Do you know why that hurt? BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID!” He sees blood coming out of his mouth though and turns into Abyss, killing his training partner with a Black Hole Slam.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Hardy is defending. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking it into the corner. Aries slams him down but the slingshot hilo hits knees. Jeff pounds away in the corner and the challenger chills on the floor. Back in and Aries hits a running elbow to the face for two but Aries’ brainbuster is blocked. We head back to the floor where Hardy misses a dive into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Aries getting two off a slingshot hilo. Aries pounds away for a bit more until Hardy gets a boot up. The champ dives into a boot though and we’re right back where we started. A front suplex puts Austin down but Aries comes back with a forearm and a running dropkick in the corner for two. The brainbuster is escaped again so Hardy hits a backwards facebuster out of a powerbomb for two. In other words imagine a powerbomb lift but Hardy keeps rotating Aries backwards so that his face slams into the mat.

Hardy hits the Twisting Stunner but can’t cover fast enough. Aries gets an elbow up in the corner and tells the referee he sucks. He jumps into an atomic drop but manages to kick Jeff into the referee. A low blow stops Hardy and Aries FINALLY hits the brainbuster. In a cool ending, Aries covers Hardy but Roode pulls the referee out. Bobby counts two and as Aries turns around, he gets a big spinebuster from Roode. The Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton to retain at 18:05.

Rating: B-. These two have chemistry together and it sets up the three way match even more, or at least Roode vs. Aries. It would seem like Roode is turning, but I think he’s going to be much more of a tweener than an actual face, which is the right move for him. Good match here and a nice ending to a bad show.

Hogan says he’s going to fix the title picture and says Aces and 8’s is the real distraction. He says not to worry about Brooke and Bully, but sees the two of them kissing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show didn’t really do much for me. These Championship Thursday shows are never anything of note because NOTHING EVER CHANGES. It’s just a title match but when you never see a title CHANGE, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s pretty clear we’re headed for a three way at Genesis, which is ok but it doesn’t really do much for me. The idea of someone new in Aces and 8’s next week might help a bit, but it needs to be someone who is actually able to challenge the big names. As usual, nothing has changed as of ten PM on a Thursday night, which is getting old.

Results

D-Von b. Kurt Angle – Pin after a masked man hit Angle with a pipe

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan b. Kenny King/Rob Van Dam – Carbon Footprint to Van Dam

Tara b. Mickie James – Facebuster

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries – Swanton Bomb

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