Lucha Underground Date: January 7, 2015
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
After taking the holidays off, we’re back for the biggest match in Lucha Underground history: Aztec Warfare, which sounds like a battle royal/Royal Rumble style match with the winner becoming the first Lucha Underground Champion. A title is a good idea and they couldn’t go much longer without having a belt around here. Let’s get to it.
We open with shots of people walking through the hills to reach the Lucha Underground temple. This turns into Cueto recapping the previous show where Mil Muertes earned the last spot in Aztec Warfare by defeating Fenix, meaning Fenix enters first.
Aztec dancers and drummers bless the temple.
Cueto is in the ring to talk about how this will be a blessed year for Lucha Underground. The fans chant for AZTEC WARFARE as Cueto explains the rules: it’s basically a twenty man Royal Rumble with 90 second intervals but eliminations can only occur by pinfall or submission and anything goes. This could be a long one.
Lucha Underground Title: Aztec Warfare
Fenix is in at #1 and Johnny Mundo is in at #2. Cueto makes sure to emphasize that Mundo is number TWO. Johnny blocks an early kick and sweeps out the leg, only to miss a standing Shooting Star. Back up and a superkick sends Johnny to the floor but he runs back in to clothesline Fenix over the top as Cisco is in at #3 (the intervals aren’t quite ninety seconds but close enough). Cisco hammers on both guys because he’s a fairly basic lackey. Mundo gets kicked to the floor so Fenix picks Cisco up and hits a kind of running Death Valley Driver into the corner, setting up the End of the World to eliminate Cisco.
Back from a break with nothing changed and King Cuerno coming in at #4. Fenix goes right at Cuerno but superkicks Mundo by mistake, only to get monkey flipped back by the King. A huge suicide dive takes Mundo down again and the fans are way into this. Fenix enziguris Cuerno off the apron and hits a big flip dive as Son of Havoc is in at #5 in WAY less than 90 seconds. Mundo grabs him by the beard and pops Havoc in the jaw, only to have Son of send him to the floor for an even bigger flip dive.
Maybe 30 seconds after Havoc, Pimpinela Escarlata is in at #6. They’re not even trying on the times. Escarlata dropkicks Havoc down and does a flashy rope walk as Striker gets on a soapbox to talk about tolerance for people like Pimpinela. Yes we get it: he’s different. Let it go already. The referee gets acosted in the corner but Cuerno saves him from Escarlata. Prince Puma is in at #7 and goes right after Mundo with a Lionsault getting two. Fenix drops a top rope legdro as the mystery woman is shown watching from the entrance. Speaking of women in the entrance, Ivelisse is in at #8.
She plants Fenix with a tornado DDT but gets choked by Escarlata. Striker: “This is kind of hot too!” Ivelisse kicks Escarlata in the head and Havoc pins Pimpinela with a Shooting Star to clear the ring out a bit. Ivelisse kicks Cuerno down and Drago is in at #9. The ring is starting to get full but it’s really helping that they can go outside. Drago fires kicks at Fenix and DDTs him for two. The King is watching in the corner as Drago cleans house, only to sneak up on Drago with an enziguri to the back of the head. The Thrill of the Hunt eliminates Ivelisse and Bael is in at #10, giving us Fenix, Mundo, Cuerno, Puma, Drago and Bael.
Drago sends Fenix and Cuerno outside before taking them both out with a big dive. Puma Superman Punches Havoc down and a superkick is good enough to eliminate the biker. Things keep going as Puma dives over the top to take Mundo down and Cortez Castro is in at #11. He suplexes Puma down as the Crew starts taking over. This is going by so fast that it’s hard to do anything other than play by play. Cuerno dropkicks someone we can’t see on the floor (presumably Drago) and Ricky Mandel is in at #12. Puma kicks Bael in the head and something like a Jackhammer sets up a standing Shooting Star for the elimination.
Mundo leg lariats Cortez and a running knee to the head takes out another member of the Crew. Big Ryck is in at #13 and we take a break. Back with Ryck getting in and running over Puma and Mundo before a Rock Bottom eliminates Mandel. Drago comes in to try his luck but Ryck gorilla presses him into the Thrill of the Hunt from Cuerno for the elimination. Cool spot there. Cuerno poses too long though and gets crucifixed by Mundo for the pinfall.
Pentagon Jr. is in at #14 and unleashes the clotheslines before getting caught in Ryck’s full nelson. Mundo and Puma superkick Ryck though, only to have Pentagon powerbomb Puma onto his knee. A HUGE powerbomb plants Fenix for two but Ryck makes the save. Even the announcers aren’t sure why he did that and for once I can’t argue with them. Well I could but they’re right so why bother. Pentagon kicks at Ryck and Super Fly is in at #15. Mundo enziguris (WAY too common of a move in this match) Puma by mistake and Super Fly dives over the top rope to take Pentagon out.
Ryck clears the ring and blasts Mundo in the face, only to have Puma make the save. It’s Chavo Guerrero Jr. in at #16 with a chair in hand, which knocks Super Fly silly for an elimination. Pentagon gets the same treatment to clear the ring out a bit more. Mundo chases Chavo to the floor and gets nailed in the ribs with the chair for his efforts. Mascarita Sagrada is in at #17 and we take another break. I know they’re trying to get everyone in there but they really could have left out Sagrada and Escarlata. They’re comedy/fun characters and that’s not something I need to see in this match.
Back with Sagrada dropping Chavo with a pair of cross bodies until Fenix chops him against the ropes. A hurricanrana puts Fenix on the floor but he dropkicks Sagrada out of the air to block a dive from the apron. Sexy Star (unfortunately without the entrance) is in at #18 and kicks Chavo off the apron. We get Big Ryck and Sagrada in the ring because it’s funny or something. The masked man’s sunset flip attempt goes as well as you would expect it to and Ryck just crushes him for the elimination.
El Mariachi Loco is in at #19 and nails a nice springboard missile dropkick to stagger Ryck. Loco, Fenix and Mundo have a quick three way sequence with Loco climbing the ropes into a wristdrag on Mundo. Now Loco hammers on Puma but stops to dance, allowing Ryck to take Loco’s head off. Mil Muertes is in at #20, giving us a final grouping of Fenix, Mundo, Puma, Big Ryck, Chavo, Sexy Star, Mariachi Loco and Muertes. That’s not bad actually.
Muertes cleans house to start and the Flatliner drops Loco for the elimination to get us down to seven. We get the big showdown with Ryck vs. Muertes, allowing Striker to imitate Gorilla Monsoon talking about the immovable object. All seven get back in to break up the brawl though and Johnny hits a quick End of the World on Ryck but Chavo throws him to the floor. Puma adds a standing Shooting Star but Chavo throws Puma outside as well and covers, only to have Fenix hit a 450 onto Guerrero’s back, setting up a double pin on Ryck. Chavo pops up and blasts Fenix in the head with the chair with the pin.
With five left, Sexy Star gets in Chavo’s face and dropkicks him down, only to have Chavo slam her onto the chair. He puts the chair over her face and goes up but Blue Demon comes in for the save, allowing Star to chair Chavo in the head for the elimination. The final four are Sexy Star, Johnny Mundo, Mil Muertes and Prince Puma and we take a break.
Back with all four in the ring and Muertes going after Star but Mundo and Puma make a quick save. Star headscissors the heroes down but eats a spear for the elimination. Mundo charges at Mil in the corner, which Striker calls ironic because I don’t think Striker knows what ironic means. Puma takes Johnny down with a Zig Zag but Mundo hits a cross body to send Puma to the floor.
It’s Johnny taking it to Muertes in the corner but Puma comes in for a double superplex on the big man. Catrina trips Puma and gets pulled to the apron. Muertes intervenes and ducks the Flying Chuck, which knocks Catrina out cold. Mundo drops Muertes and the heroes hit back to back springboard 450 splashes for a double pin to get us down to one on one. This is one of the best possible options they could have.
Puma draws first blood with a dropkick. Vampiro says he can’t call the match because he’s too busy watching. Thanks for showing up Vamp. Mundo slides through the legs and grabs a half crab. Vampiro, ever the sage, says Puma’s experience will help him escape, not two minutes after calling Puma a rookie.
Johnny is sent to the apron and they both head to the top with Puma planting him with a C4 (top rope flip downward spiral) for two. If Puma wins, there’s no reason that shouldn’t be the finish. They head back up top with Mundo hitting a reverse hurricanrana (zero reaction from the announcers), followed by the End of the World for two. Mundo loads up his own C4 but gets crotched down, allowing Puma to hit the 630 for the pin and the title at 53:45.
Rating: B+. Well that rocked. I can’t emphasize enough how important it was for this to be pinfall or submission. Instead of having just a normal battle royal, it feels like Puma actually defeated everyone else and is the last man standing. The other thing I liked about this was how you really felt a lot of people could win. I could easily have seen Mundo, Puma, Ryck, Muertes or even Cuerno winning this, and that’s the most important thing you can have in a free for all like this.
Mundo and Puma shake hands as Konnan comes out to end the show.
Overall Rating: A-. I’m really, really digging this company as they’re going with a niche style show but knocking it (mostly) out of the park. The stories are there and the feuds can intertwine very well. It also helps that you have stories that all seem important rather than all of the stuff being there to fill time until we can get to the big stuff. They rolled the dice here and it really, really worked. Great match and a great show.
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Lucha Underground – November 19, 2014: Lost In The Masked Shuffle
Lucha Underground Date: November 19, 2014
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
I’m finally getting caught up on this series and I’m actually glad that I am. The show has been consistently entertaining and making me want to see where the stories go, which is the most important thing you can do while you’re still setting up a series. The big story tonight is Mundo vs. Big Rick, which could be interesting as a power vs. speed match. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Cueto going to war with Mundo and Johnny wanting to fight Big Rick this week.
A live band plays us in, which we really don’t need. Thankfully it’s just some quick shots of them instead of a song.
Sexy Star vs. Ivelisse
Before the match, Star (in Spanish with subtitles) calls Chavo a coward that needs a chair to beat her. She wants revenge on him for hurting both herself and Sagrada and is going to finish the Guerrero dynasty. Ivelisse says that Star got what she deserved for trying to fight with the boys. She gets in Star’s face and thinks she’s hiding an ugly face behind an ugly mask because Star knows Ivelisse is the toughest girl around here. Star slaps her in the face and the brawl is on. Vampiro: “This is anti-Diva!”
Ivelisse takes her down for some right hands but Star grabs a headlock. Looks Divaish to me so far. Star Matrixes under a clothesline and takes Ivelisse down with a hurricanrana. Ivelisse is fine with that and sends Star face first into the middle buckle. The fans are completely behind Star as Striker goes on some tangent about the constellation of lust. Ivelisse slams her face first into the mat before kicking Star backwards with Star’s legs underneath her for a painful looking fall.
We hit a chinlock with a knee in Star’s back with Ivelisse even fish hooking her. Striker: “Kind of hot!” Star comes back with some chops and a Codebreaker to put both girls down. A rollup gets two on Ivelisse but she comes back with a LOUD slap. She chokes Star down and slams the masked head into the mat over and over, only to have Star come back with a cradle for the pin.
Rating: C. I stand by what I’ve said before: Ivelisse could have been a HUGE deal if TNA wasn’t a bunch of nitwits. She’s gorgeous, she can talk and she has a unique style. Insert your own joke about Barbarian’s niece here. Striker drove me insane here again though and I’m sick of hearing his stupid lines over and over again.
Cueto is with Drago, who didn’t win but didn’t lose last week, so Drago gets one more chance tonight.
Pentagon Jr. vs. Fenix
Before the match, Pentagon says no one in Mexico respects him but Cueto is finally giving him a chance. Fenix will be the first example of what happens when you mess with him. Pentagon starts with some kicks to the ribs but gets sunset flipped for two. A standing moonsault gets two for Fenix as they’re flying around very early. We hit a standoff and the fans give them a quick ovation. A headscissors sends Pentagon to the floor and Fenix hits a big cartwheel dive.
Back in and a springboard guillotine legdrop gets two for Fenix so Pentagon kicks him in the face for the same. Fenix climbs the corner and does some unnecessary springboards into a dropkick to put Pentagon down again. More springboards set up an armdrag to send Pentagon outside for a corkscrew dive. Back in and Pentagon jumps over Fenix into a Backstabber (Lung Blower according to Striker. Pest) but Fenix comes right back with a cutter for the same.
A half nelson into a kind of piledriver gets two more for Pentagon but they head outside for a punt to the face from Fenix. Back in again and Pentagon grabs a jumping wrap around neckbreaker for two and a rollup into a mat slam for the same. He takes too much time to get up top though, allowing Fenix to kick him in the head. A top rope C4 is enough to put Pentagon down for two, but we’ll call it a pin despite his shoulder being about a foot and a half off the mat.
Rating: C. The high spots were good here but this was several steps below the previous match. At the end of the day, these really shouldn’t be going eight minutes as they were clearly just doing spots near the end. It’s entertaining, but there really isn’t much substance here. Think of it as the fast food of wrestling.
King Cuerno (El Hijo Del Fantasma) is coming and looks like a vigilante lumberjack.
King Cuerno vs. Drago
Cuerno has a deer head on top of his own head. I don’t mean a picture of one as it’s about two feet off the top of his head. Striker takes another lame shot at WWE, saying you can’t predict everything that’s going to happen here. Cuerno keeps knocking Drago down to start but Drago comes back with an enziguri. A nice dropkick puts Drago down again but he sends Cuerno face first into the middle buckle.
Drago’s headscissors is thrown off and it’s time to look at the commentators again. Drago fires off some of the lamest kicks I’ve seen in a long time before Cuerno just throws the referee down. That’s fine with Drago who uses him as a springboard for a hurricanrana to send the King outside. A big dive puts Cuerno down again but he knocks Drago down with a kick to the head, setting up a big suicide dive of his own. Back in and Drago does a bunch of flips into a nice looking rollup for a surprise pin.
Rating: C+. I liked it better than the previous match but I really wouldn’t have had Cuerno lose here. Drago isn’t bad, but Cuerno looks like he could be a future star. The problem here is this is the same style match we just saw. This one was better, but a lot of the match felt like I saw it about ten minutes earlier.
Prince Puma is working out when Konnan comes in. Konnan tells Puma to stay out of the main event and not save Mundo no matter what happens.
Big Ryck vs. Johnny Mundo
Johnny fires off a kick to the leg to start but a hard shoulder block puts him down. Mundo misses a splash in the corner and Ryck just pounds him down. He throws Johnny across the ring but Mundo flips over and lands on his feet in a nice counter. That’s fine with Ryck who takes Mundo down again and chokes with a boot.
We hit a neck crank on Mundo but he kicks Ryck in the head to escape. Back up and Mundo hammers away in the corner as well before the Moonlight Drive connects for two. There’s the Flying Chuck for two more but we cut to Cisco and Cortez attacking Puma in the back. They quickly hit the ring to break up the End of the World and that’s a DQ.
Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but it didn’t have time to go anywhere. Puma getting beaten down keeps things a bit mysterious as he might not have come out otherwise. Ryck is a good option as a huge monster, even though he’s about as unpolished of an in ring performer as you’ll find with his experience.
Cortez and Cisco put Mundo through a table to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. This was still good and entertaining but it was almost all in ring stuff tonight instead of the story advancement. That’s not a bad thing, but when you have a promotion with a good deal of similar guys (so far at least), it can get a bit dull to sit through. This worked well enough though and I like where this place is going so far.
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Lucha Underground – November 5, 2014: Death By 1000 Heels
Lucha Underground Date: November 5, 2014
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
After a solid debut episode, we actually have a main story going on already. Cueto seems to be the big evil boss who brings in his minions to take out people who are trying to do stuff he doesn’t like. I had a good time with the first episode but I’m assuming a lot of the people here are going to be different as we see more of the roster. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show.
The three guys (Ricky Reyes, Lil Cholo and Rycklon Stephens) that attacked Mundo and Puma last week are in the ring to open the show. Reyes says his name is Cortez Castro and Cholo is now known as Cisco. Stephens (formerly known as Ezekiel Jackson) says he’s the boss, Big Rick. Mundo charges the ring as Rick bails to the floor, leaving the other two to get beaten up. Cortez and Cisco bail but both grab chairs until Puma runs in for the save. This brings out Dario Cueto to make a tag match. Make your own Teddy Long joke.
Johnny Mundo/Prince Puma vs. Cortez Castro/Cisco
Puma and Castro get things going but it’s quickly off to Cisco, who is quickly taken down by a headscissors. It’s already back to Castro who gets taken into the corner for a tag off to Mundo. A double enziguri drops Castro for two but Mundo misses a running knee to the face and gets rolled up for two. Back to Cisco who gets kicked in the face again for two. Apparently Cisco describes his style as “Prison Shower Style.” I’ll get to Mundo hitting a slingshot elbow for two as fast as I can to get away from that line.
Cortez gets in a cheap shot from the apron before breaking up the Flying Chuck. Cisco gets two off a backsplash as Striker says the team is Cortez and Castro. Cortez gets two off a back elbow as Striker brings up Cortez conquering the Aztecs. Big Rick is smoking a cigar on the steps as Mundo finally rolls away from the double teaming. Puma comes in off the hot tag and cleans house with a running neckbreaker to Cisco, forcing him to DDT his own partner in a spot I hated in (I think) TNA and I hate it here.
Everything breaks down with Mundo missing a dive over the top, allowing Cortez to kick Puma into a neckbreaker from Cisco for two. They load up that 3D into a Codebreaker from last week but Mundo pulls Cortez to the floor. Back in with Puma hitting a cutter, setting up the Moonlight Drive on Cisco for a close two. Puma hits a big flip dive to take out Cortez, followed by stereo 450s to give Mundo and Puma the double pin.
Rating: B-. Good match here but it ran a bit longer than it should. It’s still good stuff here though with all four looking good in what seems to be the top storyline. Cisco and Cortez are fine as lackeys but Big Rick seems to be the real force for Cueto. It was a fast paced tag and they’re setting the groundwork for stuff in the future.
Konnan is in a dark locker room with Puma. He praises the masked man a bit but warns him to stay away from Mundo because that’s not Puma’s fight. Puma has one friend and that’s Konnan. We get the classic wrestling trope of someone speaking Spanish and then immediately translating it into English, due to people who speak Spanish not being able to understand it or something.
Video on Mil Muertes (Thousand Deaths, better known as Ricky Banderas, who was Judas Mesias in TNA and El Mesias in AAA), who is being brought in by Cueto to deal with Blue Demon Jr.
Son of Havoc/Ivelisse vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Sexy Star
Striker: “Usually in mixed tags, the men wrestle with the men and the women lucha with the lucha.” The guys get started with Chavo hooking a chinlock less than thirty seconds in. Back up and Chavo pulls Havoc around by the beard as Striker explains Chavo’s lineage in wrestling, like anyone watching this show hasn’t heard of him before. Ivelisse gets in a cheap shot from the apron and Havoc takes over.
Off to Ivelisse for some kicks, including some to the head from the ground, for two. Back to Havoc as Vampiro tries to correct some of Striker’s mistakes and is completely ignored. We finally get the tag off to Star for some revenge from last week. She hammers away for a bit until Havoc drills her in the face with an elbow. Back to Ivelisse to slam Star’s head into the mat before they slug it out.
Ivelisse is in a bit of trouble but just kicks Star in the head to take over again. Havoc comes back in for a standing moonsault which only hits knees. The real hot tag brings in Chavo for a Liger Kick in the corner for two. Everything breaks down with a catfight breaking out, capped off with a running seated senton from Star to crush Ivelisse on the floor. Back in and Chavo hits the Frog Splash on Havoc but lets Star roll him up for the pin.
Rating: C+. Another nice match here as they tie things back to last week’s story. Chavo is a good guy to have around at the start but I’m hoping he isn’t still a fixture later on in the show’s run. He’s another guy that I’ve seen far too many times over the years and I’m just over him. The girls stole the show here though as they’re both clearly very polished.
Blue Demon Jr. is warming up when a girl named Catrina (Maxine from NXT) comes up with a message from Mil Muertes. She touches his lips and says it’s a taste before a thousand deaths. I love little things like her walking in instead of just standing there like you would see on Raw or Impact. It’s so much more natural, despite being a very produced video if that makes sense.
Konnan narrates a video on discovering Prince Puma fighting on the streets.
Blue Demon Jr. vs. Mil Muertes
This is a bit more formal of a debut than I was expecting. Catrina is here with Muertes, who comes out in a huge headdress on his back that looks like something out of Tatanka’s closet. He also has a small bag that he carefully hands off to Catrina. After a quick kiss from Catrina, Muertes jumps Demon to start in a hurry. A loud chop puts Demon down on the floor and they fight over the announcers’ table with Muertes in full control.
Back in and Demon armdrags him down followed by a dropkick. Some chops in the corner have Mil in some trouble but Catrina gets up on the apron. The distraction lets Mil get in a shot and Catrina adds a kick with a heel. Demon comes back with a bulldog for two but Muertes gets two off a Backstabber. We get another shot of the announcers to get on my nerves again. Muertes jumps into a raised boot and gets caught in a DDT for two. Back up and Muertes just spears Demon in half, setting up a Downward Spiral for the pin.
Rating: D+. Demon looked old and slow out there which is already getting annoying. Muertes on the other hand looked like a killer which is all he needed to be. That spear looked more like a Goldberg version by driving Demon back instead of just hitting him and stopping. Why that’s so complicated for so many to figure out is beyond me.
Muertes goes after Demon some more but Chavo comes in with a chair for the save. He blasts Demon with it instead and goes full heel. Some other guys come out but get chair shots as well. Sexy Star comes out and Chavo blasts HER in the head with the chair as Chavo is a bit more evil than I was expecting. Chavo sits in the chair as Demon is taken out on a stretcher. He won’t let Demon be taken out without a few more shots though. The ambulance pulls away to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. That’s a bit lower than last week but I liked this show for different reasons. First of all, they cut down on some of the camera jumps and settled down a bit. I liked the stories being advanced and Ivelisse (who should have been signed by TNA but she wasn’t Barbarian’s niece) and Muertes both being good debuts. Chavo comes off looking evil….but he’s Chavo Guerrero. Yeah he’s smooth in the ring but dear goodness I have trouble caring about him. I like Cueto not being around as much this week to keep him from getting stale. Good show this week as they’re planning for the future.
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TNA One Night Only – World Cup Of Wrestling: Bad Influence Steals Another Show
World Cup of Wrestling
Date: December 7, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It’s another One Night Only show but at least this time there’s a fresh idea to it. See, this time instead of a tag tournament or a singles tournament, it’s an international tournament. It’s in the vein of the World X Cup if you remember that from WAY back in the day. It’s an interesting idea but I’m not sure if it’s going to be all that interesting. This is TNA so I can’t imagine it being so. Let’s get to it.
We open with the highlight reel of stuff we haven’t seen yet. The four teams are USA, United Kingdom, International and Aces and 8’s. It looks like there’s a singles guy, a tag team, an X-Division guy and a Knockout each.
JB explains the rules: There will be eight matches with the winners receiving one point apiece. The teams with the most points advance to an eight man elimination tag for the cup.
Here are the teams, in order of X-Division, Knockouts, tag team and singles.
United Kingdom – Rockstar Spud, Hannah Blossom, Rob Terry/Douglas Williams, Magnus
International – Sonjay Dutt, Lei’D Tapa, Petey Williams/Funaki, Judas Mesias (from AAA in Mexico)
USA – Kenny King, Mickie James, Bad Influence, James Storm
Aces and 8’s – Wes Brisco, ???, Doc/Knux, Mr. Anderson
The Aces and 8’s will introduce their Knockout later, even though she was already shown on the opening video. On paper the USA team should dominate this.
Video on Team UK with each member getting a mini profile. Basically it’s a British Boot Camp and British Invasion reunion.
Magnus says he’s motivated tonight and he’s standing up for what is right. Tonight, it’s right for him to go to work.
Mr. Anderson (Aces and 8’s) vs. Magnus (UK)
Anderson takes him into the corner to start and shakes his head at Magnus. The Brit shoves Anderson into another corner and slaps Anderson in the face as the match stays in first gear. They slug it out until Anderson’s cross body is caught in midair for a modified scoop brainbuster. Anderson goes up top and as Magnus comes over to stop him, gets his arm snapped over the top rope to put Magnus down.
Mr. goes after the arm and bars it on the mat for a bit. A shoulder block gets a pair of near falls on Magnus and he gets whipped hard into the corner. Off to a hammerlock into a slam down onto the arm for two. Back to the armbar as Anderson is in full control. Tazz talks about Magnus being a metrosexual for some reason as the Brit charges into a boot in the corner. A double clothesline puts both guys down but it’s Anderson up first, stomping Magnus down in the corner.
Magnus’ arm is slammed onto the apron but he comes back with a knee to the face and a clothesline with the good arm. The top rope elbow gets two but Anderson comes back with a hot shot for no cover. Mic Check is countered and Magnus hits that Michinoku Driver of his for the pin and the first point.
Rating: C. Basic match here but it was a nice win for Magnus. The arm work was a decent enough story for the match, even though it didn’t play into the ending at all. The match didn’t have much heat but at least Magnus got a clean pin, which is what a glorified jobber to the stars like Anderson is good for.
UK – 1 (3 matches remaining)
USA – 0 (4 matches remaining)
International – 0 (4 matches remaining)
Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)
Video on Team USA in the same style as earlier with everyone getting a quick profile.
Kenny King (USA) vs. Sonjay Dutt (International)
King takes him into the corner to start and talks a lot of trash. The fans are behind King here even though he’s a heel at the moment. You have to love good old fashioned xenophobia. King takes him down with a headlock but Dutt counters into one of his own. Off to an armbar for a bit before Dutt sends him to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in with King dropkicking Dutt off the top as Tazz talks about moving Team International’s headquarters in a joke that goes on WAY too long.
King hooks a chinlock but Dutt fights up and puts on an octopus hold of all things. It looks good but doesn’t last long as King flips him over and gets two off some right hands. Back to the chinlock from King as Tazz keeps talking about Scandinavia for some reason. Dutt jawbreaks his way out of the hold and drops King with a jumping elbow to the jaw. A tornado DDT gets two on King and a slingshot splash gets the same.
The fans chant USA as you would expect them to do as King breaks up Sliced Bread #2. King catches a cross body in a spinning Irish Curse backbreaker for two. Dutt’s throat is snapped across the top rope and a springboard kick to the face gets two. King tries a reverse AA but Dutt flips out and rolls him up for two. A standing Sliced Bread #2 looks to set up Dutt’s moonsault double stomp but King rolls away and hits a running knee to the chest for the pin.
Rating: C+. Cut two minutes or so out of this and it’s much better. This was a much more fast paced match as you would expect but it dragged a bit in the middle. The current state of the X-Division continues to make me shake my head as the title is never defended and guys like these two never make it to TV at all. Such a shame.
USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)
UK – 1 (3 matches remaining)
International – 0 (3 matches remaining)
Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)
Team International says they’re going to turn things around. Well Funaki says he’s #1 but you get the idea.
Hannah Blossom (UK vs. Lei’D Tapa (International)
Blossom is a normal sized girl so this is power vs. speed. Tapa shoves her around to start and drives Blossom into the corner as Tenay and Tazz have one of their TOTALLY NATURAL moments of banter. Hannah gets an awkward looking cross body for two but gets kicked in the face to get us back to the natural order of things. Tapa slams her down as Tazz gets a text from Judas Mesias, saying where the party is when Team International wins. Blossom gets caught in a chinlock but fights up with some clotheslines to no effect. A high cross body gets two for Hannah but gets caught in the fireman’s carry Stunner for the pin for Tapa.
Rating: D. This was a glorified squash which makes sense given who was in there but it doesn’t make the match any more interesting. Even worse though was the commentary as they were practically going out of their way to be annoying and unfunny. I don’t know if someone is telling them what to say but good grief I’d hope they’re not this naturally irritating.
International – 1 (2 matches remaining)
USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)
UK – 1 (2 matches remaining)
Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)
Tazz declares the leader board to be lazy for reasons of general stupidity.
Aces and 8’s say they’re taking over the world tonight. Their Knockout is Ivelisse from Gut Check.
Video on Aces and 8’s which is a recap of the team’s history instead of profiles.
Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)
Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.
The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.
An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.
Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.
Aces and 8’s – 1 (2 matches remaining)
International – 1 (1 match remaining)
UK – 1 (2 matches remaining)
USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)
Video on Rockstar Spud, including an endorsement from Hogan.
Wes Brisco (Aces and 8’s) vs. Rockstar Spud (UK)
Brisco pie faces Spud to start and the far smaller guy gets right in Wes’ face. Spud is a face here despite being a heel by the time this aired. Wes easily takes him down and puts on a chinlock before hitting a hard clothesline for two. Spud comes back with a dropkick and some right hands in the corner, only to be dumped out to the floor. Back in and we hit a chinlock as Tazz calls him Rockspar Stud.
A neckbreaker gets two on Spud and it’s off to a cravate. That’s too British for Brisco so it’s back to the good old American chinlock. Spud fights out and dropkicks Brisco out to the floor to set up a big flip dive over the top. The fans are actually behind Spud as he gets two off a high cross body. Brisco just shakes it off and powerslams Spud for the pin.
Rating: C-. Basic match here but at least it was a bit shorter than the other ones we’ve sat through so far. Brisco is a guy with some talent but he was stuck paling around with Bischoff for so long. Spud is far better as a heel who annoys everyone and his in ring stuff is only ok at best.
Aces and 8’s – 2 (1 match remaining)
International – 1 (1 match remaining)
UK – 1 (1 match remaining)
USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)
Bad Influence talks about great Americans, like George Washington, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and George Jefferson. “It took a lot of strength and work for him and Weezie to move up to the east side.” Tonight they’ll cement their names in American history with other greats like Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln and Spider-Man. Daniels even sings a little America the Beautiful. He says he’s sexually delicious like a bowl of Horny Charms and you have permission to worship them. Absolutely hilarious stuff and the fact that So Cal Val looked great in a low cut blue blouse helped quite a bit.
Bad Influence (USA) vs. British Invasion (UK)
It’s Terry and Williams for the Brits here. Bad Influence is WAY over as a face team here which is bizarre to see but fits perfectly well. Terry starts with Kaz and the smaller guy climbs the corner to escape a headlock. The power is a bit too much for Kaz so he rolls (completely unnecessary, making it all the more appropriate) to the corner for the tag to Daniels. Christopher doesn’t want him either but comes in to bounce off Terry a few times.
Williams comes in with some clotheslines and a freaky looking double arm hold (Daniels’ arms were wrapped around Williams’ legs) into a rollup for two. Back to Terry vs. Kaz as Rob cranks on the arm. Daniels and Williams quickly come back in with Chris being armbarred down like it’s nothing. Bad Influence finally cheats a bit, allowing Daniels to STO Williams down to take over.
Kaz comes in with a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Daniels comes in behind the referee’s back as the dynamic of the match gets even more and more confusing. Williams tries to fight out of the corner with forearms but walks into a Daniels clothesline to put him back down. Daniels kicks away at Douglas and puts on a chinlock to slow things down. Williams comes back with a jumping elbow to the jaw for two and there’s the hot tag to Terry.
A double clothesline puts Bad Influence down and we get a double belly to back suplex of all things. That looked awesome. Terry hits a tilt-a-whirl powerslam on Kaz to set up a top rope knee drop from Williams but Daniels makes the save. A top rope European uppercut puts Kaz down but Daniels breaks up the Rolling Chaos theory. Bad Influence gets in a quick High/Low for the pin on Williams for the point.
Rating: C+. This was probably the best match of the night so far but the face/heel dynamic hurt it a lot. Bad Influence was over because of the USA idea but the Brits were wrestling as faces. It doesn’t help that Williams hasn’t been seen in forever and Terry had been a heel other than a quick face run against Robbie E which may or may not have even happened when this was taped.
USA – 2 (2 matches remaining)
Aces and 8’s – 2 (1 match remaining)
International – 1 (1 match remaining)
UK – 1 (0 matches remaining)
The Brits are officially eliminated.
Video on Mickie James, including something about her country music push as a heel.
Mickie James (USA) vs. Ivelisse (Aces and 8’s)
To say Ivelisse looks hot as the biker in leather is the understatement of the night. How in the world does she not have a job? They circle each other to start until Mickie grabs the arm and takes Ivelisse down. Ivelisse is sent into the ropes for a breather as Taz starts to sing for no apparent reason. James hooks a headlock and Ivelisse bails to the floor. Back in and Ivelisse takes Mickie down and pounds away for two.
Mickie gets choked on the ropes but escapes from a wristlock to dropkick Ivelisse down for two. James pounds away in the corner but gets sent shoulder first into the post. Ivelisse gets a VERY delayed two count and a backbreaker gets the same. The kickouts are frustrating Ivelisse so she hooks a chinlock. James fights up and scores with some clotheslines followed by a neckbreaker for two. Mickie goes up top but here are the Aces to shove her off, giving Ivelisse the easy pin.
Rating: C-. The match was nothing special but there is no reason why Ivelisse doesn’t have a job in TNA. She looks great, she has some MMA style to her and she would be a nice breath of air to a division that hasn’t had a new face in a long time. Mickie was her usual self here even though she’s gone soon.
Aces and 8’s – 3 (0 matches remaining)
USA – 2 (1 match remaining)
International – 1 (1 match remaining)
UK – 1 (0 matches remaining)
Now, to prove how little thought TNA puts into these things, here’s the Ultimate X match that determined the winner of the World X Cup from the summer of 2008.
Ultimate X: Kaz (America) vs. Volador Jr. (Mexico) vs. Naruki Doi (Japan) vs. Daivari (International)
This is for four points apparently, so more or less the winner wins everything, making the entire previous three rounds totally pointless. Daivari is allegedly predictable in this. Ok then. West thinks Kaz is the favorite because of his experience letting him know that he’ll know how to win earlier. YOU CLIMB UP AND GRAB THE FREAKING X! How hard is this?
Daivari wisely goes after Kaz’s arm. That makes the most sense here if nothing else. Oh and only Kaz is a face here. We can’t have nice foreigners! West says Kaz is close to being a world champion. Oh the comedy! Oh and also, great idea on telling us to stop watching your show so we can go get our computers to vote on something on the show later on. In other words, a stipulation for later on in the night is more important than the match you’re watching at the moment. Volador is pretty fun to watch. Kaz manages to get above the X and almost unhooks it but Daivari makes the save.
It worked as it’s not like Kaz had a long time up there like in a ladder match so it didn’t look completely ridiculous which is a very nice difference. Also he used his legs to get there so he kept selling the arm from earlier. In a MIND BLOWING spot, Daivari is going across a cable with his back facing the ring so he’s looking up at the ceiling. Kaz climbs up to the metal thing that holds up the cables and JUMPS off of it, crashing down with a clothesline onto Daivari and killing himself in the process. That was INCREDIBLE. It also lets Volador go up and get the X for the win and the Cup.
Rating: B. This was another great high impact battle that worked perfectly for what it was supposed to do. I wasn’t sure who was going to win and I was thinking it would have been Team TNA but a surprise is always good. This was your usual crazy spotfest but it worked quite well.
Now that the time filler is over, back to modern times.
James Storm likes the idea of his team depending on him and mentions Ricky Morton for some reason.
Mesias (International) vs. James Storm (USA)
This should be interesting. Mesias punches Storm into the corner to start but James comes back with right hands of his own. They head outside for more punching with Mesias being whipped into the barricade. Storm rams him into various other metal objects until they head back inside for a Mesias powerslam. A clothesline in the corner staggers Storm as we actually talk about Mesias being in TNA before.
Storm’s comeback is stopped by a pull of the hair but he grabs a quick Russian legsweep to get a breather. An atomic drop and bulldog drop Mesias and there’s the enziguri in the corner for two. Mesias hits a quick Downward Spiral for two and a clothesline gets the same. The frustration sets in for Mesias and Storm makes it worse by winning a slugout. Mesias jumps over Storm in the corner but turns into the Last Call for the pin and the spot in the elimination match for USA.
Rating: C-. Sluggish match here but there’s something awesome about winning a match with a superkick. Mesias is someone I’d like to see come back to a major American company but he seems content to just do his thing in Mexico. At least Storm gets a big win in the clutch for once.
Final standings:
USA – 3
Aces and 8’s – 3
UK – 1
International – 1
We recap the matches so far tonight.
Team USA vs. Aces and 8’s
James Storm, Kenny King, Bad Influence, Mickie James
Mr. Anderson, Wes Brisco, Doc, Knux, Ivelisse
Elimination rules and even the girls are in this one. Mickie and Ivelisse get things going but Ivelisse tags in Doc instead of fighting. Doc gets a slap instead of a kiss and it’s off to Daniels. Chris gets caught in the corner but scores with a back elbow before bringing in Kaz for some good old American double teaming. Kaz tags out to King who doesn’t do as well, getting caught in a full nelson, allowing for some shots by Anderson. Kenny gets a quick two off a clothesline before it’s back to Kaz for some forearms.
Anderson gets in a knee to the ribs and it’s off to Brisco who is taken into the American corner. I say American even though everyone in the match is American (Ivelisse is from Puerto Rico which is part of America). Bad Influence double teams Brisco in the corner and the other three partners come in for five straight splashes in the corner. Aces and 8’s just let this happen and a double suplex from Bad Influence gets a two count.
Off to King who puts Wes in a chinlock and a back elbow to the jaw for two. A jawbreaker sends Brisco to the apron but he counters a suplex into a cross body with Ivelisse holding Kenny’s leg for the pin. Daniels comes in for some hip thrusting, prompting Taz to ask why Bad Influence likes having sex with the air. Storm comes in and pounds away before it’s back to Kaz for a spinning springboard legdrop for two.
Brisco gets a knee up in the corner to stop a charging Daniels and tags in Ivelisse for some reason. Mickie pulls her in and beats on Ivelisse like she stole something. The beating continues until Mickie misses a charge into the post, only to come back with a clothesline. A top rope Thesz perss eliminates Ivelisse but Brisco comes in with a quick rollup to eliminate Mickie. Storm comes in just as fast and Backstabs Brisco for the pin.
We’re down to Storm/Bad Influence vs. Anderson/Doc/Knux and it’s Storm vs. Knux in the ring. The bikers get Storm into the corner for some triple teaming before Doc comes in and pounds away. James fights out of the corner and makes the tag off to Kaz, who catches Knux coming in with a dropkick. A slingshot DDT puts Knux down and Daniels’ BME is enough for the pin.
It’s Doc in next and the Americans speed things up with some double teaming in the corner. Kaz dropkicks Doc but can’t put him down, only to get caught by a big uppercut. Off to Anderson who puts on an armbar as a transitional move, which is a big reason why limb psychology is dying. A neckbreaker drops Kaz for two but he gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging Anderson. Both guys hit cross bodies at the same time and we get a breather.
The double tag brings in Storm and Doc as everything breaks down. Daniels holds Anderson’s arms but Storm accidentally hits Chris in the face. That’s enough being nice for Bad Influence and they walk out, leaving Storm two on one. Anderson drops some knees into Storm’s back for two and it’s back to Doc for more powerful right hands. We hit the chinlock again but James fights up with some right hands to the ribs. The Aces try some double teaming but Storm sends them together and rolls Anderson up for the pin. Last Call takes Doc’s head off and Storm wins for the good old USA.
Rating: B-. This was good stuff and Bad Influence steals yet another match. The eliminations made sense here and made Storm look good to close things out. He’s a guy who needs that kind of a push more than anyone else so having him win again here is certainly a good thing.
Bad Influence comes out to celebrate and get beaten up as well. Dude Daniels pinned Knux. Show some gratitude already. Storm and James get the cup to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. I liked this way more than I expected to. Now of course there are some issues with it (old match, continuity being thrown out the window), but at the end of the day this is a fifteen dollar special and shouldn’t be held to the same standards as a major PPV. The idea for the show was a good one as well and felt like something of interest rather than just something they threw together. If you can ignore some of the flaws and just get into the competition and matches, you’ll have a good time with this. It’s pretty easily the best One Night Only to date.
Results
Magnus b. Mr. Anderson – Michinoku Driver
Kenny King b. Sonjay Dutt – Running knee to the chest
Lei’D Tapa b. Hannah Blossom – Fireman’s carry into a Stunner
Doc/Knux b. Funaki/Sonjay Dutt – Hammer shot to Funaki
Wes Brisco b. Rockstar Spud – Powerslam
Bad Influence b. British Invasion – High/Low to Williams
Ivelisse b. Mickie James – Pin after Wes Brisco shoved James off the top
James Storm b. Mesias – Last Call
Team USA b. Aces and 8’s – Superkick to Doc
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Impact Is Ticking Me Off Tonight
First D’Lo and now the Gut Check thing. Let’s recap.
Ivelisse – Smoking hot, has an MMA background which is the hottest sport in the country and Ronda Rousey is arguably the new face of the sport, can move, can wrestle, can talk, has a ton of potential, WWE thought she was good.
Tapa – Can’t do much in the ring, doesn’t look great, but she’s Barbarian’s niece.