Impact Wrestling
Date: November 24, 2022
Hosts: Tom Hannifan, Matthew Rehwoldt

It’s Thanksgiving and that means we are in for a special Best Of show around here. That’s about as logical as you’re going to get for this time of year as there is no reason to believe that anyone is going to pay attention to a show on such a big holiday. You never know what you’ll see on something like this but let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The hosts welcome us to the show and promise us some great Thanksgiving moments, plus a look at Overdrive.

We’ll start with Thanksgiving 2008, with Rhino pinning Alex Shelley in a triple threat match also involving Sheik Abdul Bashir. As a result, Rhino gets $25,000 and Shelley has to wear a turkey suit, as enforced by Mick Foley with threats of firings/bad history lessons.

Wrestlers say what they are thankful for (Joe Hendry is thankful for mirrors because he gets to see who he really is).

Deaner asks Eric Young if this is the end of Violent By Design but doesn’t get an answer. It’s time for an answer to the unanswered questions so they have to go back to where it all began. How about before that when the team doesn’t exist?

We go back to Thanksgiving 2007, at the Angle household, featuring Kurt and Karen as pilgrims and Jeremy Borash, Tomko and AJ Styles as guests (it was a weird time). They pray (with gold medals on the plates) and Styles eats during the prayer. People keep opening their eyes during the prayer, with Karen and JB making faces at each other. Robert Roode and Traci Brooks come in, as do James Storm and Jackie Moore (with beer). Chris Harris arrives and complains about the directions.

Eric Young shows up, a bit under dressed, and breaks a bunch of stuff. Kurt stands up to yell, revealing that he’s wearing the World Title, and sends Eric to the kid’s table (Eric gets lost on the way). Then the X-Division arrives, with Sonjay Dutt trying to get donations for starving children. Storm and Young get in a drinking contest and Styles leaves as Black Reign (Dustin Rhodes) and Rellik (that’s overused joke spelled forwards) arrive. Reign lets his rat Misty into the food and we take a break.

Back with Young and Storm rather drunk (Young has found a wig and they have both lost their shirts). Jay Lethal (as Black Machismo) arrives as Kurt looks like he wants some cyanide. Then So Cal Val arrives, so Lethal gives her his jacket to walk on. Kurt tries to restore order as Awesome Kong shows up and sits at the other end of the (really long) table. She eats food that may or may not be wax and, since there are a bunch of tables, Team 3D arrives, with food being thrown at them.

A bunch of people leave to get away from Team 3D, who were invited by someone other than Kurt. They sit at the kid’s table and take food from Kurt’s daughter, who says they suck (I would have paid to see her put through a table). Then Kevin Nash and Scott Hall arrive and Karen takes pies to the face. Everyone else shows up and the food fight is on. This was HILARIOUS in a wrestling way.

We look at Mickie James beating Taylor Wilde at Overdrive. Then Deonna Purrazzo comes out to yell at her and sets up the next match in James’ Last Rodeo.

From Thanksgiving 2016, loser wears a turkey suit.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.

Grado is turkey suited.

We look at the end of Josh Alexander beating Kazarian with the C4 Spike to retain the World Title at Overdrive. Then Bully Ray came out, announced he was officially challenging at Hard To Kill in January, and beat up Alexander in front of his family. Then, with Alexander zip tied to the rope, Ray pulled Alexander’s wife over the barricade….and just threatened her because Alexander was loose. After the show, Ray grabbed the title but Rich Swann came out for the save. Scott D’Amore came out and threw stuff at Ray while asking what was wrong with him. Great segment. Why does it need to be Bully Ray and not someone new?

From Thanksgiving 2013.

Here are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.

Sabin is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion (officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful when he becomes the next champion.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes (a couple of losers who lost the Turkey Bowl) are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

More wrestlers are thankful for various things.

We look at Kenny King going after Mike Bailey at the overdrive pre-show and losing a six way match as a result.

King is going to take out Bailey before going after the X-Division Title.

From Thanksgiving 2017.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice
Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

The loser of the fall wears a turkey suit and there’s food at ringside, along with Eli Drake. We’re not ready yet though as the teams sit down at the food tables as Drake insists that everyone has to put on the suit if they lose. He has a statement for JB to read, which pretty much just says everyone play nice.

Justice sticks his finger in Konley’s mouth to start and gets two off a rollup. Laurel comes in and jumps on Justice’s back so it’s off to the women for a change. KM and Bahh are up next with some shots to Bahh’s head taking us to a break. Back with Bahh crossbodying KM and bringing in Garza….WHO TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! I’m rather thankful.

Garza gets punched down though and it’s time for the heel beatdown. Adonis comes in for two off a legdrop and it’s time for a bearhug (on a guy with a bad shoulder). That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down in a hurry and KM gets crushed between Justice and Bahh.

We get the big crash to the floor and Justice falls off the apron, only to be caught without much effort. Allie dives onto everyone to break up the pile and everyone is down. Back in and Adonis can’t grab the Adonis Lock, allowing Eddie to roll him up for the pin at 16:04, meaning Adonis gets to wear the suit.

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Post break, Adonis refuses to wear the suit. Security actually stops him as the referee holds up the suit like an executioner’s ax. After a lot of persuading and a GOBBLE GOBBLE (One of us?) chant, Adonis finally puts it on and walks around a bit. Adonis isn’t cool with the chants though and the required food fight, with Adonis hitting Drake in the face with a pie, ends the show. This was actually entertaining as they just went with the simple comedy and it worked perfectly well.

Delirious and Yuyu Uemura yell at each other in….something and Japanese.

Here’s what’s coming on various shows.

Steve Maclin wants the World Title but he is being held captive by his own company. From now on, it’s mayhem for all.

From Thanksgiving 2007.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

This is the finals of the Turkey Bowl, with the winner getting $25,000 and the loser wearing the turkey suit. Joe and Sabin double team Styles to start and knock him to the floor. That leaves Sabin to take Joe down but a kick misses, giving us a staredown. Styles gets knocked to the floor again and we take a break.

Back with Sabin charging into a hot shot but Joe comes back in to punch Styles in the face. Styles breaks up the suicide elbow to Sabin though, meaning Joe punches him in the face some more. The drop down into a dropkick hits Joe and we take a break. Back again with Joe countering the springboard moonsault into an Air Raid Crash with Sabin having to make a save.

We take another break and come back again with Sabin hitting a springboard DDT to drop Joe. That earns Sabin a trip to the floor but Styles Peles Joe. The charge into the corner only hits kick to the face though, allowing Joe to hit the Muscle Buster for the pin at 9:33 shown (of the nearly thirty minute match).

Rating: B-. Well it seemed to be a good match, at least from what we saw of the thing. Joe was on another planet at this point and Styles was in his weird phase as Angle’s wacky goon, but it isn’t like he was going to be awful in the ring. Throw in a very talented Sabin and of course this was going to work, even if we missed almost twenty minutes.

Post match we cut to a livid Kurt Angle (AJ’s boss), storming out of his own Thanksgiving dinner. Back in the arena, AJ won’t put the suit on so here is Jim Cornette to order him to do it. After some coaxing, Styles (very slowly) puts the suit on so Tomko and Kurt come out to yell. Samoa Joe and the Outsiders come out to laugh at Angle and pals, meaning the brawl is on. The bad guys are cleared out, with Eric Young coming in to add a turkey leg to Angle to wrap things up. Then Hall got fired and Joe was given a live mic at the pay per view where he went on an all time rant against a lot of people.

Overall Rating: C. I never know what to say about these things, especially when it was a bunch of clips from what was little more than a comedy concept. There was a bit of decent action and it is fun to look back at some flashes of different times in the company’s history, but there was nothing worth seeing here. Granted that is kind of the point, but this was still a weird choice for a show.

 

 

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We’ll head back to Canada for someone a bit better looking than Jacques Rougeau: Gail Kim.

Gail signed with WWE in 2002 and debuted in a battle royal on June 30, 2003. There was actually dome hype for her debut with vignettes reminiscent of the Matrix.

Womens’ Title: Battle Royal

Jazz, Jacqueline, Trish Stratus, Victoria, Gail Kim, Molly Holly, Ivory

Jazz is defending but injured coming in, hence the need for the odd method of defending the title. She’s still able to slam Ivory down but gets kicked in the head by Victoria. This is one of those matches where you can barely call anything because it’s such a big mess. Ivory is quickly thrown out and Jazz lays down because of her injuries. Molly and Jackie are the only ones left on their feet as Jazz is walked out of the ring, apparently eliminated.

Victoria dumps Molly and Jackie and we’re down to Trish, Victoria and Kim. Trish kicks both girls down but Victoria catapults Gail into Trish for the elimination. They go back and forth for a few seconds until Gail counteres a powerbomb into a hurricanrana for the elimination and the title.

Rating: D. The match sucked, just like you would expect a seven Diva battle royal that lasted four and a half minutes to, though the girls looked good in their outfits. You can’t as for a better debut for someone than this and the match quality rarely mattered for the Divas anyway. The fans didn’t mind Gail and that’s not bad for the girls.

Gail would lose the title in a month to Molly Holly, only to join up with her almost immediately thereafter. Molly and Gail would form an alliance over their jealous of Trish and Lita’s popularity, leading to a tag team match at Unforgiven 2003.

MollyHolly/GailKimvs. TrishStratus/Lita

This feud is more or less about Molly and Gail being jealous of Lita and Trish being insanely popular. Standard stuff to put it mildly. Molly is Women’s Champion here and is actually looking good. Lita was out for almost a year because of a broken neck and now wears khaki shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. The non-famous girls jump them early and that doesn’t work at all.

This is Lita’s return match. Oh seriously who do you expect to win this? You have two girls that are about as middle of the road as possible and the first two women to main event Raw. Lita and Gail are the actual starters and Lita nips up as we hear about King having a vasectomy. Molly hooks a Dragon Sleeper on Trish which works about as well as you would expect it to. Gail is gorgeous. That’s all there is to it.

Now Gail does a Dragon Sleeper. Trish walks up the turnbuckles and backflips into a reverse DDT. FREAKING SWEET. Molly looks good as a brunette and in blue. Trish manages to beat up both girls on her own since Lita is bleeding from the mouth. Lita gets the mostly warm but partly cloudy with a 30% chance of showers tag. Trish knocks Gail to the floor and Lita hits the moonsault to get the win which was about as predictable as you could expect.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect here. Lita was indeed a huge deal as she and Trish were just flat out awesome around this point but the injury took her out for over a year. This was nothing more than a welcome home match and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: announce that Lita is still awesome.

Gail would get injured a month or so later before returning in spring of 2004 and being placed in a fourway Womens’ Title match at Bad Blood 2004.

Women’s Title: Trish vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria

All four are too hot for words with Trish somehow possibly being the fourth best looking at the moment. Victoria is champion here. Trish vs. Lita never gets old especially when later this year they main evented Raw. That’s saying a lot and I don’t mean it was the last match and then there was a big angle to end the show.

I mean Trish vs. Lita for the title was the last thing you saw to end the show and it was built up all night. It was a very cool moment and I completely bought into it. Gail gets an AWESOME hold on Victoria. More or less it’s a headscissors combined with a crossface combined with an armbar but cooler than it sounds. Lita and Victoria botch something and we have no Trish for a long time, signaling that she’ll be winning. Yep there she is to roll up Lita for the title out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. They all looked hot and that’s about all there is to talk about here. Other than that it was just your run of the mill Divas match but with four girls that could actually work which is the best case scenario. Gail being back helps and the girls are actually becoming more than eye candy around this point.

Naturally since the division was starting to take off, it was time for Gail to be released. After a year on the indy scene, she debuted in TNA as the new valet for America’s Most Wanted. Her singles PPV debut was at Hard Justice 2006 against Sirelda.

Sirelda vs. Gail Kim

Gail is looking great tonight. She jumps Sirelda to start but gets powered into a corner and slammed ala Ultimate Warrior. Sirelda loads up a chokeslam but Kim easily escapes. She guillotines Sirelda on the top rope and a knee drop gets two. The fourway tag is officially announced as canceled. There’s a Tarantula from Gail but her high cross body misses. A bad looking World’s Strongest Slam gets two and Sirelda loads up a superplex. Gail knocks her back and hits a bad Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was really bad but Gail looked smoking out there so I’ll give it some points for that. Sirelda wasn’t around long and given how awful she was in this match I’m not really surprised by that. Nothing to see here and I think this ended the mini feud between these two. If it didn’t then it should have.

Gail spent a few months out of the ring as a valet before facing Jackie Moore in a cage match at Lockdown 2007.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

The Knockouts Division was starting to take off and it was clear that a title needed to be established. Since a regular tournament is too basic in a Vince Russo company, we got a gauntlet match for the title at Bound For Glory 2007.

Knockouts Title: Gauntlet Match

This is a ten girl match where you have a regular gauntlet but it’s over the top until we get to the final two. Yep we’re having two battle royals. Kong debuted at Impact so she’s brand new here. We start with Ms. Brooks and Jackie. Good night WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS STAY AROUND? No one cares about her at all and she was always there. Quit shaking your freaking chest because NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEM.

Brooks gets a big boot to the side of the head of the annoying one but gets caught in a German suplex. Shelly Martinez is in third. Oh…these girls can’t do much. Kong comes in fourth and it’s on. Kong takes like 40 seconds to get to the ring out of a minute.

ODB comes in fifth as Jackie puts out Brooks but Kong just goes off, getting rid of Jackie (GO KONG!) and Martinez. Angelina Love (Angel Williams at this point) has the music, the looks and the stage pose already as she’s 6th. Christy comes in and is still amazing looking Kong beats the tar out of her with a rack where Christy’s feet almost hit her head. A Batista Bomb hits as Gail Kim is eighth.

Everyone gangs up on Kong as the medics take out Christy to eliminate her for the most part. The three in the ring get rid of Kong whose shirt flies up as Talia Madison (Velvet Skye) is ninth. Roxxi who is a voodoo chick with hair at this point is last. Love apparently went out off camera so we have four left: Roxxi, ODB, Gail and Velvet.

Gail puts out Velvet as we get a GREAT back shot of her. ODB is out also and we have our one on one match. Gail gets an insane looking submission hold on Roxxi which was like a sideways Octopus Hold. Gail looks sexy in those shorts to put it mildly. They really make her figure look good. Roxxi botches a jackknife pin for two. Gail hits Finlay’s Celtic Cross to end it and win the title.

Rating: C-. Again, is there a reason to mix things up like they did here that I’m just not getting? Why not have an actual tournament rather than this weird hybrid thing? It wasn’t bad I guess but at the same time this just didn’t work like they wanted it to. This could have been a lot better as a simple one on one match but this just didn’t do it for me like they wanted it to. Not horrible though.

Speaking of Russo, we’ll take a look at Sacrifice 2008 and another of his ideas. It’s a battle royal, but the final two remaining get to have a ladder match. The winner of the ladder match gets a Knockouts Title shot but the loser gets her head shaved. For no reason given, Gail Kim can’t have her head shaved so if she makes the ladder match, it’s the last person out of the battle royal’s head getting shaved. Again, this is why people complain about Russo booking.

Knockouts Battle Royal

Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, Rhaka Khan, Salinas, Christy Hemme, ODB, Roxxi Laveaux, Jacqueline, Traci Brooke, Gail Kim

For absolutely no apparent reason, Gail cannot have her head shaved so if she makes the ladder match, the last person eliminated from the battle royal has her head shaved instead. I’ll give Vince Russo 10 bucks to explain his own stories. Roxxi puts Salinas out (not over the top) less than 30 seconds in. Velvet does some fighting from the apron and yeah it’s only there to have a nice shot from behind her. She’s out a few seconds later.

Traci is gone and the fans chant for ODB. Khan puts Christy out. They’re going out so fast that you can’t really keep track of who is still in there. Jackie and ODB double team Khan and Love joins them to get rid of the tall one. Jackie and ODB go out within seconds of each other and Angelina is out at the hands of Roxxi to put us down to Roxxi and Gail.

Gail Kim vs. Roxxi Laveaux

This is a ladder match and if Roxxi wins, Angelina’s head is shaved. This is officially the same match so I’ll rate it all together. The fans all cheer for Roxxi because Angelina isn’t a nice person. Gail sets up the ladder and goes up quickly but Roxxi makes the save. I see no point whatsoever to this being a ladder match but it’s TNA so what difference does it really make?

Gail puts the ladder in the corner for no apparent reason. She gets taken down and Angelina throws in a ladder of her own. Gail does look good in those TINY shorts. She powerbombs Roxxi off the ladder and might be busted a bit. Angelina interferes again and gets dropped by Roxxi. Roxxi gets a SICK spinebuster to Gail onto the ladder and here’s Angelina again….and she’s gone already. She and Velvet shove Roxxi off the ladder and Gail gets the contract.

Rating: D. Well let’s see. The matches combined to take about 8 minutes, the eliminations were pedestrian and nothing particularly interesting happened. On the other hand, Gail showed off a lot of skin and the other girls looked good too so we can’t call it a total loss. Again though: why was it a ladder match? Can someone explain that to me?

Despite Gail being near the top of the division, her contract was allowed to expire and she went back to the WWE in early 2009. Not a lot happened for her though so we’ll skip ahead to the fall and Bragging Rights 2009 for a battle for brand supremacy.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Beth in blue is an amazing sight. This was when Michelle got really hot really fast. Look at the rosters. Who do you think is going to win? Beth and Gail start. Can’t believe I’m typing this but DANG at Michelle. All three Smackdown girls have been in there in less than a minute. Kelly tries a sunset flip. It’s bad.

This is just painfully uninteresting as there is less than zero chance for Raw to win two in a row. I mean the match is ok, but people just couldn’t care any less as there is zero drama. Crowd is more or less dead too. Glam Slam ends Melina for the pin.

Rating: W. As in who cares? Like I said, the idea that THIS was going to decide the cup and not the big tag was just ridiculous and it crippled the match. Also the match was just generic. This could have been any other Divas match which really shows how bland the division is at this point.

One of the few high points for Gail in the WWE would be making the finals of a tournament for the vacant Divas Title against Maryse on February 10, 2010.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Gail Kim is incorrectly called a two time Womens’ Champion. Gail slides to the corner to avoid a charge from the blonde and gets two off a bulldog. Maryse comes back with a kick to the face for two of her own but gets rolled up for another near fall. Kim goes up top but completely misses a top rope cross body to put both girls down. A victory roll doesn’t work for Gail and a quick DDT gives Maryse the title. This was nothing.

Gail stuck around for several more months until an interesting incident took place on August 5. It was a battle royal (shocking) and Gail was told to be out in the first minute. No one was able to do it, so she got out of the ring herself. This didn’t exactly look right and WWE took her off TV as a result and let her contract run out. It was back to TNA where she would team up with Madison Rayne to challenge Tara and Miss Tessmacher for the Knockouts Tag Titles on November 3, 2011.

Knockout Tag Titles: Tara/Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

 

Time for the monthly defense of the titles. Brooke’s outfit is designed like a Texas flag for some reason. She and Madison start us off but it’s off to Tara quickly. The arm work begins as the champions are tagging fast. Gail comes in and is all dominant and evil for a bit. Tessmacher’s corner hijinks don’t really work this time. Gail beats on Brooke a bit more until it’s a hot tag to Tara. Everything breaks down and there’s the Widow’s Peak. Karen Jarrett has the referee though and Eat Defeat gives us new champions at 5:05.

 

Rating: D+. It’s not like anyone cares about the belts, but this is what you do with the titles here as they’re actually having a division wide angle going on. Karen is evil and trying to have her girls get the titles. It’s not particularly interesting but a dull story is better than a repetitive one on a treadmill like the Divas have so this was fine, just not that interesting.

This is of course TNA, so why give her one title when you can give her two? From ten days later at Turning Point 2011.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

 

Brawl to start and I really can’t complain about seeing Velvet in shorts like those. Gail is knocked to the floor and Velvet totally misses a baseball slide but Gail sells it anyway. Back in a crossbody gets two for Sky. Kim takes over and here’s Karen on the ramp as the fans chant what sounds like Sloppy Seconds. Gail hooks an abdominal stretch and Velvet fights back with nothing significant.

 

I’m sorry if I seem totally out of it here but I have zero interest in this show for the most part. Eat Defeat is blocked into a facebuster by Velvet but Karen distracts as Madison comes in to lay out Velvet. That only gets two and Gail goes up, missing a missile dropkick but managing a rollup with tights for two. Madison cheats again and Eat Defeat gives us a new champion at 5:54. Really?

 

Rating: C-. The match was ok but the cheating got old fast. Also, they really took the title off Velvet that fast? I’m really kind of surprised by that as I would have thought they would build to Velvet vs. Angelina in the big showdown that has only kind of happened so far. Not great and not bad, but Velvet in blue is always a good thing.

Gail wouldn’t do much in 2012 so we’ll jump to Genesis 2013 and another gauntlet match for a future title shot.

Knockouts Gauntlet Match

Winner gets a title shot at some point in the future. We start with Gail Kim vs. Tessmacher and they trade rollups to start. Tessmacher can’t hit her Stinkface and Kim clotheslines her down for two. Gail goes up but gets crotched, allowing Tessmacher to hit an X-Factor out of the corner for two. That means nothing though as Gail makes her Eat Defeat for the first elimination.

Next in is ODB who stops a charging Gail on the ramp. Back in and Kim gets spanked because that’s what happens in women’s wrestling. A splash crushes Gail and there’s a bronco buster to hammer in the point. They trade rollups and Gail avoids having her face rammed into ODB’s crotch before rolling her up with tights for the pin.

Mickie James is in next and she takes Gail down quickly, only to get caught by a running shoulder in the corner. A neckbreaker puts Gail down as do an enziguri and a flapjack. We head to the floor for a headscissors from James before heading inside where Gail molests the referee. A rollup on Mickie with another handful of tights gets another pin.

Velvet Sky is the last chick in this so she can beat a weakened Gail which is supposed to make us care I guess. I can live with Velvet in a catsuit though. Gail sends her into the barricade but poses on the ropes instead of covering. A cradle gets two for Gail but she gets caught holding the ropes. Sky hits her sitout Pedigree for the pin at 12:00. Gail had her foot under the ropes so I’m sure a triple threat is coming.

Rating: D. I can’t stand gauntlet matches for one reason: they’re nothing but a collection of short matches that don’t have time to develop at all and usually result in a bunch of stupid finishes. On top of that, this was your usual worthless female wrestling with stupid moves that are supposed to be sexy but come off looking completely stupid. I’m sure a triple threat match is coming because that’s how wrestling works.

The next big story for Gail was a feud with referee Taryn Terrell, due to Taryn allegedly costing her matches. This let to a last Knockout standing match at Slammiversary 2013.

Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim

Gail attacks in the corner to start but Taryn comes back with clotheslines to take over. Gail puts on an octopus hold but lets it go early and only gets a six count. Kim goes to the floor for a chair but has it kicked out of her hands. Some hair drags keep Gail down for a few moments but she manages to get the chair up to block a high cross body. Gail is up first and goes after the knee for a bit before wedging the chair between the ropes. Taryn blocks a ram into the chair but gets caught in the Figure Four around the post.

Terrell is up at 8 and dodges Gail’s charge into the corner, sending her head first into the chair in a SICK looking crash. That only gets eight so Taryn puts her in the Figure Four around the post for eight more. Taryn misses a charge and lands on the ramp for nine, only to be caught in a legsweep onto the ramp for nine more. Gail tries a piledriver but gets reversed into a bulldog off the ramp to put both girls down. Taryn beats the count for the win at 9:18.

Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in YEARS. The bulldog off the stage was a bigger spot but the missed charge into the chair should have been the finish. It looked MUCH more painful and I thought Gail was out cold. Still though, very entertaining match and I was really impressed with Taryn here. I’d bet on her vs. Mickie at BFG for the title in a veteran vs. underdog title match.

Since that was so awesome, the only solution was a rematch about a month later in a ladder match. From July 11, 2013.

Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

This is a ladder match with the winner getting a title shot at some point in the future. Taryn throws her out to the ramp to start and spears her through the ropes for good measure. The first ladder is brought in and rammed into Gail’s ribs in the corner. Taryn dropkicks the top of the ladder to drive it further into the ribs as Taz is back on commentary. Gail’s cross body is kicked out of the air and the ladder is set up in the middle of the ring. Gail sends her into the side of the ladder to take over but can’t hook the figure four around the post.

Back from a break with both girls climbing and slugging it out on top. They both fall down and land on the ropes with the ladder nearly crushing Gail’s skull in the process. Taryn shoves the ladder face first into a charging Gail but her leg is tied up in the ladder. Taryn has to find a replacement but Gail gets up and climbs, only to be pulled back down by Terrell. The other ladder is bridged between the ropes and the standing ladder but Gail gets off before Taryn can crush her against the bridge.

Gail puts the figure four on Taryn inside the ladder but both of them climb up anyway. Taryn chokes Gail off the ladder and shoves her to the mat, but the knee won’t let her stand high enough. Instead Terrell dives off the ladder with a cross body and both girls are down again. They both climb onto the bridged ladder with Taryn being thrown to the mat again in a big thud. Terrell is up first and hooks a dragon sleeper, but Gail TIES TARYN’S HAIR AROUND THE ROPES. Gail climbs the ladder to get the shot at 15:10.

Rating: B+. Solid match here with a creative ending. The match was so good that it makes me get over Gail getting ANOTHER title shot which I don’t think anyone wants to see. Taryn is showing good promise in the ring which goes along with her looks. I liked the last man standing match better but this was certainly good stuff.

We’ll close it out with a win, from Bound For Glory 2013.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Brooke vs. Gail Kim

ODB is defending. Brooke looks GREAT in a leather version of her usual attire. Gail is knocked to the floor to start with Brooke taking over on ODB in the corner. Brooke gives her a Stink Face but ODB pops up and sends her into the corner for a Bronco Buster. Gail comes back in, only to be knocked back to the floor a few seconds later. Brooke works on ODB’s back and gets two off a quick neckbreaker.

Gail pops back up and grabs the figure four around the post, only to have ODB make the save with her chest. ODB chops Brooke but gets rolled up for a quick two. Off to a half crab on Brooke but Gail makes another save. The challengers both go up but have to shove off a double superplex attempt, followed by Gail hitting a missile dropkick on ODB. Brooke adds a top rope elbow (WAY too popular of a move tonight) for no cover.

Back up and ODB gets two on Gail via a delayed vertical suplex. The referee gets taken out as ODB somehow gets both girls up in a fireman’s carry at the same time. Brooke falls off but ODB slams Gail onto her….and here’s Tapa. She runs over ODB and takes her out, only to powerbomb Gail on top of ODB for the pin and the title at 10:33.

Rating: D+. This could have been on any given Impact and that’s the problem with this show: nothing feels special at all so far. Gail is champion again. So? She’s been champion before, just like everyone else in the division. Nothing to see here other than Brooke looking great.

Gail Kim is a good example of a talented worker whose looks helped her out a lot. She looked great in a tiny pair of shorts but could also work a solid wrestling match. The interesting thing is people remember has as being champion quite often but she only held it once in WWE and three times in TNA. Solid worker, but a step below the other top girls who came before her.

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Knockout Knockdown
Date: September 6, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s time for another one of these shows because having four months between regular PPVs is perfectly fine in TNA. Tonight’s theme is pretty obvious: it’s all about the girls with a bunch of singles matches and the winners going into a battle royal to determine who is the best Knockout EVER. In other words, it’s the same one idea show as the tag team and X-Division shows. Let’s get to it.

The opening video basically says it’s all about the Knockouts and that’s it. Oh and it’s produced by Brooke Hogan so she can get her name on something else.

All of the Knockouts come to the ring to open the show. A lot of these girls are from OVW or have never appeared in TNA before. They’re here for a speech from Brooke to make sure we know she exists. She explains the tournament like it’s a regular tournament despite everything else I can find saying it’s a battle royal at the end with the winners of the previous match.

We get a clip from Bound For Glory 2007 where Gail Kim beat Roxxi Leveaux in the final match of a gauntlet match to become the first champion.

Gail Kim is in the back and lists off her accomplishments and says she’ll be the winner tonight. Madison Rayne pops in and says it would be awesome for Gail to become the new Queen of TNA.

Gail Kim vs. Alissa Flash

Flash is more famous as Cheerleader Melissa and Raisha Saed in TNA. Gail grabs a headlock to start as Taz complains about being ranked too low in PWI one year. Now it’s on to the Cauliflower Alley Club as Flash counters into an arm crank, only to have Gail take her down with relative ease. Flash comes back with a German suplex to send Gail to the outside for a breather.

A quick chase scene goes nowhere until Gail sends her into the barricade to take over. Back in and Gail chokes away before getting two off a missile dropkick. Off to an Octopus Hold (AJ’s Black Widow, even though the Octopus Hold is normally the name of a different hold entirely) but Flash counters into something resembling the Edgecator. Gail gets to the ropes and manages to kick Flash in the head to escape.

Flash goes nuts for a second and pounds away before taking Gail down with a Samoan drop. Some clotheslines put Gail down and Flash hits some rapid fire punches in the corner. Something like a curb stomp gets two and a missile dropkick gets the same for Alissa. A dragon screw leg whip puts Gail down but Alissa walks into Eat Defeat out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: C+. The abrupt ending aside, this was a nice match. As annoying as Gail has become due to always being on Impact, she can go in the ring when she has someone to work with. Flash was solid out there as well which shouldn’t surprise anyone who has seen her indy stuff. Good stuff here but I have a feeling it’s downhill from this point on.

Video on Lei’D Tapa who has only been wrestling for two years now. She cries because her uncle, the Barbarian, is so proud of her. I think this is her Gut Check video. It still should have been Ivelisse.

We get Ivelisse’s Gut Check video as well. Again, she has more experience, a better look, an MMA background (remember that the Gut Check with her and Tapa was around the time that Ronda Rousey was headlining a UFC show) and is very good looking, but she’s not the Barbarian’s niece so she has no future right?

Ivelisse vs. Lei’D Tapa

Tapa takes her down with ease and sends Ivelisse into the corner. Ivelisse gets all fired up and kicks Tapa back before a kick to the ribs sends Lei’D down. Tapa tries to sit down onto Ivelisse to block a sunset flip but only hits mat. A shot to the ribs takes Ivelisse down and a bad looking slam does the same. Ivelisse chops away but gets clotheslined back down followed by something like an AA for no cover.

Tapa chokes her down and pounds on Ivelisse’s back some more but charges into a kick in the corner. A bad looking rana (since Tapa is a freaking giant) puts Tapa down to the floor and a BIG dive takes her down again. The fans are into Ivelisse, giving TNA even more proof that they screwed up. Back in and Ivelisse puts on a guillotine choke but Tapa swings her forward into a slam for the pin.

Rating: D+. It still should have been Ivelisse. I still see absolutely nothing from her that would make me want to watch another one of her matches. She’s nothing special in the ring, she doesn’t talk that well and the fans don’t care. The ONLY thing she has going for her is her size but she’s not dominant like Kong was. She’s just big and that’s not enough to build a career on. I still haven’t heard a reason I agree with to pick Tapa but it’s another reason to criticize them.

We get a clip from BFG 2012 where Tara won the Knockouts Title and introduced Jesse Godderz as her Hollywood boyfriend.

Tara brags about being awesome and Jesse acts like a jerk of course.

Tara vs. Mia Yim

Yim is another indy chick that I’ve never seen before. Tara shoves her down to start before going to chill next to Jesse. A hiptoss puts Mia down as the announcers ignore the match with one of their stupid conversations about nothing at all. Mia comes back with some hiptosses to send Tara to the floor and a missile dropkick sends her right back outside. We get another chase with Jesse grabbing Mia’s leg to give Tara control.

Tara clotheslines her down for two but Mia Matrixes out of it in a nice counter. We hit the chinlock on Yim but she gets the knees up to block Tara’s standing moonsault. Mia comes back with a bunch of kicks and a Lionsault gets no cover as Mia injures her ribs. Instead a German suplex gets two on Tara but a Jesse distraction causes Mia to miss a corkscrew splash. The Widow’s Peak sends Tara to the battle royal.

Rating: C. Mia didn’t look bad here but there’s only so much you can show in six minutes. That’s part of the problem with this show so far: these matches, other than maybe the opener which has gotten more time than the other matches, feel like they belong on Impact. Granted we’re only 45 minutes in and the show hasn’t been terrible or anything yet.

Video on some campaign called Dare To Be, which is little more than a way to show a swimsuit photo shoot. Nothing wrong with that other than ODB. It basically turns into a music video with a lot of shots of a graphic for the Knockouts website.

Video of Tessmacher winning the Knockouts Title.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Santana

Santana Garrett is another indy chick who is rather good looking. Both girls pose on the corner to start with Tessmacher being more popular. Santana takes over with a quick clothesline and a Russian legsweep for two. Off to a Fujiwara Armbar on Tessmacher but she rolls through and kicks Santana in the head for two. Santana hits a low kick of her own for two and it’s off to a freaky looking double arm submission.

Tess fires off a headbutt and avoids a middle rope cross body before a forearm puts Santana down. A Stinkface annoys Santana so she slams Tess down but a Tajiri handspring into a moonsault hits knees. The Tess Shocker (the belly to back suplex into a face plant) gets the pin on Santana in a quick match.

Rating: C-. Santana is another chick who looked decent out there and Tessmacher was her usual self. You can take that line to mean whatever you like for it to mean. They probably did the right thing here by keeping things short as Tessmacher isn’t the kind of chick you want in a long match. Just have her look good on camera and get out of there quick.

ODB says she’s tough and doesn’t care who she’s fighting tonight. She’s fighting Trinity and promises to out drink her.

Now, for more proof that these are a waste of time, here’s the ENTIRE ODB and Eric Young wedding. Literally, they spent fifteen minutes showing us the ENTIRE SEGMENT. Are they that strapped for cash that they can’t take one of the girls in the three way tonight and thrown a few hundred bucks at some indy chick to give her the biggest match of her career? Instead we get this entire thing which really has nothing to do with the Knockouts. It’s a comedy angle that came and went and that’s about it. Egads what a waste of time.

ODB vs. Trinity

Trinity still looks good. She talks trash to start so ODB rubs her crotch at Trinity to show how classy she is. A clothesline puts Trinity on the floor for our first move in a minute and a half. ODB follows her out and rams Trinity into the apron before a LOUD chop fires the crowd up a bit. ODB uses a handshake to pull Trinity into a clothesline but Trinity takes her down and stomps a bit. This is going nowhere. ODB keeps crawling towards her flask before coming back with another clothesline. She finally gets the flask and goes nuts with a bronco buster for two. The Bam is good for the pin on Trinity to finally end this.

Rating: D. ODB isn’t classy. We get it already. Now do ANYTHING else. Trinity looked great in her attire but was nothing to see in the ring at all. Why I’m supposed to cheer a loud woman who rubs her crotch and can’t function in a wrestling match without alcohol is beyond me, but they’re going to push her forever anyway.

Video on Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell, including their awesome last Knockout standing match.

Taryn Terrell vs. Jackie Moore

In case you’ve never heard my opinion on Moore, we’ll keep it simple and say I wouldn’t mind if she was trampled by stampeding camels. Why she keeps getting spots on shows is beyond me, but I’m sure she can shout really loudly and explain why, because shouting really loudly is just as good as anything else right?

Jackie pounds away but Taryn comes back with an elbow to the face. Terrell pounds away in the corner but Jackie slams her down and calls her Barbie. Some hair drags have Taryn down even more and we hit the chinlock. A back elbow drops Taryn for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and a double clothesline puts both girls down as the crowd isn’t all that interested. Taryn fires off some clotheslines and gets two off a clothesline. A middle rope clothesline puts Jackie down and a spear gets two more. Taryn misses a middle rope bulldog and Jackie dropkicks her down for the pin. Just go with it.

Rating: D. At the beginning of this show, we saw a video of the Taryn vs. Gail match and heard about how great it was. We then got a long video about their entire feud. Instead of having them meet in the main event, WE GET JACKIE FREAKING MOORE BECAUSE SHE’S LOUD AND WRESTLED MEN BEFORE AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING. The match sucked because Jackie Moore exists. Moving on.

Video on British Boot Camp to introduce us to the Blossom Twins.

Hannah Blossom is excited to be here even though her sister Holly is still in England.

Taeler Hendrix vs. Sojournor Bolt vs. Hannah Blossom

Hendrix was a Gut Check chick who got released, Bolt wrestled here for a bit a few years back and Blossom is a British blonde with a twin, both of whom wrestled in OVW for years before the Boot Camp show. Taeler looks great here. Before the match Bolt says since she’s been gone, no one has been bigger, better or blacker. Bolt and Hendrix tease an alliance as the fans chant USA.

We get a three way test of strength to start with Blossom getting double teamed. A double hiptoss puts Hannah down and the argument begins between the “friends”. Hannah rams their heads together to take over, only to have Bolt take her down and grab a leg lock. Hendrix adds a chinlock at the same time to make the Brit scream. Taeler takes off her skirt to reveal some shorts, making the crowd love her even more.

Hendrix and Bolt chop it out as Taz and Tenay make stupid Twitter jokes. Bolt is sent to the floor so Hannah can take over on Taeler. Bolt pulls Hendrix to the floor and hits a Death Valley Driver for two on Blossom. Taeler and Bolt get in a shouting match before Bolt holds Hannah, only to have Taeler run Bolt over. A bicycle kick from Hannah takes Taeler down for the pin.

Rating: C. It’s a shame that Hendrix is gone as the fans were eating her up with a spoon here. Bolt was fine and could work well in TNA and Hannah looked WAY better than I remember her in OVW. This was one of the better matches tonight but again with just five minutes it didn’t have time to go anywhere. At least we saw the wedding though right?

Another music video on the Knockouts.

Jillian Hall vs. Velvet Sky

You probably remember Jillian from her bad singing schtick in WWE which may or may not have been a Brooke Hogan parody. Jillian does the singing bit here which stopped being funny years ago. The fans are entirely behind Velvet as she accuses Jillian of a hair pull. Some forearms stagger Jillian and she charges into a boot in the corner.

Velvet sends her into the buckle over and over and spanks her for good measure. A bulldog gets two on Jillian but she sends Velvet out to the floor. Sky is sent into the steps so Jillian can ram her head into the mat a few times. A backbreaker gets two on Velvet as Taz shouts about Jillian fooling him or some nonsense like that.

Off to an arm crank from Hall before she stomps on Velvet’s back a bit. Sky blocks a suplex and hits a kind of front DDT to put both girls down. Jillian takes over and pounds away but a clothesline is only good for two. Jillian’s handspring elbow is countered into a victory roll but Hall drops down into a rollup for two (think Bret vs. Owen at WM X). Not that it matters as Velvet wins with In Yo Face a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Jillian was always all looks/gimmick and nothing in the ring, which can probably be applied to Velvet as well. The match was nothing of note but Taz and Tenay’s idiotic talking brought it down even further. There was nothing going on here but at least we got to look at Velvet for a few minutes.

Video on Mickie James’ career in TNA, mainly focusing on beating Madison in a cage at Lockdown in about 30 seconds.

Serena vs. Mickie James

Serena is the chick who used to be in the Straightedge Society but now she has long hair which really works for her. I believe this is before Mickie’s heel turn. They hug it out and shake hands to start. Taz: “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS???” Serena takes her to the mat as Tenay and Taz talk about Lance Russell for no apparent reason. Mickie gets caught in a headscissors on the mat but she bounces out, giving the male fans some nice shots. After some nice mat work it’s off to a wristlock by Serena leading to a standoff.

They shake hands again as Taz loudly shouts HARDCORE COUNTRY over and over. Mickie rides Serena on the mat a bit and Serena can’t armdrag out of it. A Jackknife cover gets two for James and an Oklahoma Roll gets the same. Back up and Serena wants a test of strength but Mickie shouts that she has bigger hands than Serena. Mickie takes her down to the mat but Serena bridges up to take over. Now it’s James with a bridge which Serena can’t even break by bouncing down onto her.

Mickie fights up and hits a basement dropkick to send Serena to the floor as this is by far already the best match of the night so far. Back in and Serena offers another handshake but pulls Mickie into a headlock to take over. A back elbow sends Mickie to the floor just like she did to Serena a few seconds ago. Serena blasts Mickie in the face as she comes back in as we have our mid match heel turn. Mickie is slammed head first into the mat by the hair for two and Serena poses a lot.

We hit the chinlock as Taz scores the match for some reason. Back up and Serena misses a charge into the post and Mickie gets a needed breather. They slug it out with both girls throwing haymakers and Mickie taking over. A clothesline puts Deeb down and the top rope Thesz Press (minus the Press) sets up the MickieDT for the pin on Serena.

Rating: B-. This was much better than anything else we had seen so far tonight. Deeb clearly knows what she’s doing out there and the long hair makes her look better than she did bald. I liked the idea of her turning in the middle of the match as it gave the match a bit of a story. Good stuff here.

We recap the show so far to set up the gauntlet.

Gauntlet Match

So apparently it’s the usual Royal Rumble style until we get to the final two where it’s pin/submission for the win. All of the winners from earlier in the night are involved. Hannah Blossom and Gail Kim get us going for presumably two minutes. Gail goes right at Hannah to start and takes her down with a backbreaker. Some corner choking has the Brit in even more trouble as this is one sided so far. Hannah comes back with a quick suplex and an elbow drop for a cover before realizing how the rules work. Not that it matters as Gail knocks her to the apron and then the floor for the elimination.

Lei’D Tapa is #3 after about a minute and fifty seconds, though they probably sped it up for the sake of time. Either that or it’s an actual gauntlet with the next person coming in after an elimination. Gail pounds on her in the corner to start but Tapa comes back with some power choking and a big boot to the face. Tapa can’t get her out due to a rake of the eyes and here’s Tara at #4. Tara goes after Lei’D but can’t lift her up in a fireman’s carry. Tapa takes her over to the ropes but Gail makes the same and the two normal sized girls double team the monster.

Mickie is #5 as Tapa beats on both other girls. James fires off kicks in the corner to the big girl and the other two help her out, only to be shoved away by Tapa. Tenay makes Andre the Giant comparisons and Taz goes off on him for stupidity, despite the comparison making sense. In a bad looking botch, Mickie tries a hurricanrana on Tapa with the other girls helping, only to see Mickie fall to the floor as well. She gets back in and it’s never acknowledged but it looked horrible. Either way it eliminates Tapa as Tessmacher is in at #6.

Tessmacher goes after Tara as Mickie and Gail fight for the 1000th time. Gail is sent to the apron but gets back in as Tara sends Tessmacher to the apron for the same result. Jackie Moore is in at #7 to bring the match down a few pegs. Gail and Jackie stomp on Tessmacher and Mickie kicks at Tara in the corner. ODB is #8 as everyone is laying around. She and Jackie get into it almost immediately before ODB opts to spank Tara a bit. ODB takes a shot from the flash and spits it in Jackie’s face before eliminating her.

Velvet Sky is #8, giving us a final grouping of Gail, ODB, Tara, Mickie, Tessmacher and Sky. Everyone pairs off as this is in full on traditional battle royal formula. Tessmacher kicks Mickie to the apron but can’t get her any further than that. Velvet and ODB wind up on the apron and slug it out with Velvet knocking ODB to the floor for an elimination. Gail easily eliminates Velvet and we’re down to four.

Gail and Tara throw Tessmacher out before double teaming James in the corner. Tara turns on Gail and hits the fireman’s carry into the side slam, allowing Mickie to get back up and hammer on Tara a bit. Mickie throws Tara out to get us down to two, meaning it’s Gail vs. Mickie, first fall wins. Gail is in early trouble and gets caught by the Thesz Press for two. Gail blocks the MickieDT but gets slammed out of the corner, injuring her ankle in the process. Mickie totally falls for it as the trainer comes out, but it’s a ruse (SHOCKING!) as Gail rolls up Mickie with a handful of shorts for the pin and the Miss TNA crown.

Rating: D. This was every gauntlet match you’ve ever seen: slow for the most part with a few nice moments, but for the most part it’s paint by numbers stuff. The ending was nothing special as the “match” was about a minute long with over half of that being spent on the fake injury. Not much to see here but at least it was longer than anything else.

Post match Madison comes out to give Gail her crown. Gail makes Madison leave after being crowned to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the problem with the Knockouts in general and this show in particular: the roster is so thin that we’ve seen almost all of the main matches ad nauseum. At the time this show aired, I believe there are four or five active Knockouts. Other than Taryn (who lost to the great and mighty Jackie Moore), almost no one new has been added to the division in over a year. There’s just nothing in the division and the final group of people here were the same girls we’ve seen forever. TNA desperately needs to bring in some fresh blood and the Blossoms, Serena, Flash or Ivelisse would be great places to start.

The show was nothing great with most of the matches just not having the time they needed to go anywhere. Also, there was WAY too much filler. I get the idea of a video here or there, but airing the ENTIRE fifteen minute wedding segment plus a bunch of other videos on a two hour and forty minute show is ridiculous. Again, I’m sure you could find one other girl to bring in and make the triple threat a singles match and pad out the show much better. There’s just nothing to see here and the show felt like it was just trying to fill in time until it was over.

 

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