Monday Nitro #275
Date: January 29, 2001
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone

It’s always weird to me when we reach the last every episode in a given month but this is the final ever episode of Monday Nitro in January. Ok so maybe this is just a way to fill in an opening because there isn’t much to talk about at the moment other than Nash vs. Steiner coming up in a few weeks. Let’s get to it.

Elix Skipper vs. Yang vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble

One fall to a finish. The big story for this match: WCW is bringing back TIME LIMITS. Noble and Yang do a wrestling sequence to start until Yang grabs a neckbreaker to send Noble outside. Skipper dives out onto him and it’s Shannon vs. Yang inside. Bottoms Up (Fameasser) drops Yang but Skipper has to break up Noble’s German suplex attempt on Shannon. Yang gets crotched on top, followed by Noble front suplexing Skipper for no cover.

Moore is sent outside and all three hit dives in a nice sequence that you only get in cruiserweight melees. Yang drops all of them with an Asai Moonsault and it’s time for a breather. Back in and Shannon slams Skipper off the top for two as Yang makes the save. Noble amps things up by tombstoning Yang on the floor before shoving Skipper off the ropes. Jamie tries a superplex on Shannon but gets reversed into a super Bottoms Up to give Moore the pin.

Rating: C+. What else were you expecting here as you have four talented guys getting to fly around the ring for a bit. Unfortunately they only had a few minutes, which is an annoying reality of this new era. These guys are on more shows but their time has dropped significantly. You can only get so far with four people involved in a five minute match but at least it’s fun while it lasts.

Here are Ric Flair and Animal for a chat. First of all we get the required Baltimore Ravens insults despite them winning the Super Bowl the day before. Anyway, Flair thinks the Cat might be out of office soon and accuses Page and Nash of showing up drunk on Thunder. We see a shot of them knocked out in the locker room, presumably due to an attack by Ric Flair and/or various other villains.

Therefore, Nash has to qualify for the World Title match at SuperBrawl again tonight by beating Totally Buff in a handicap match. Nash is annoyed in the back and it gets worse as Flair says he has a new contract for another incoming star. I could go for a Tommy Rogers cameo but I was always a Fantastics fan.

We see a bit more complete clip from Thunder with the heels leaving Nash’s locker room.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t want to wait until SuperBrawl to face Page.

A guy bumps into Midajah so Scott Steiner breaks his leg. Does no one understand the concept of a lawsuit around here?

Here are the Cat and Miss Jones for some dancing before Cat says he wants to fight someone. Cue Shawn Stasiak and Mark Jindrak with the latter of them being sent to the back (And called Beetlejuice for some reason. I don’t see the Art Barr resemblance but I don’t have my glasses on.).

Stasiak implies that he’ll be Commissioner if he wins and says first up is going to be a Tag Team Title shot against Palumbo and O’Haire.

The Cat vs. Shawn Stasiak

Jones kicks him in the chest and it’s time for Cat to choke a lot. Cat goes up but dives into an elbow to the jaw, allowing Stasiak to send him outside. A few whips send Cat into the announcers’ table and the post before he clotheslines Cat back inside. Cat actually uses a headscissors before crotch chopping his way out of a sunset flip. The Feliner puts Stasiak away.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of two guys who need backup help to put in a good match and it’s really sad to see them get stuck out there with such a horrible match. Cat defending the Commissionership isn’t an interesting idea, especially when there’s no way someone as worthless as Stasiak is going to take it away from him.

The Wall is outside of Chavo’s locker room when Hugh Morrus comes in and beats the tar out of him.

Mike Sanders tells Crowbar that he has Lance Storm tonight.

Diamond Dallas Page was at a book signing earlier today when a fan started running his mouth and got in a fight. Page broke it up and that’s about it.

A black Humvee arrives.

Luger and Bagwell have a partner for Chavo tonight.

Jeff Jarrett is ready for DDP at SuperBrawl.

Chavo Guerrero Jr./Road Warrior Animal vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman

…they’re going to squash Mysterio and Kidman aren’t they? Kidman and Guerrero start things off but Chavo wants Mysterio. It’s just a ruse though, allowing Guerrero to get in a few kicks to the ribs to start off. That’s fine with Kidman who takes over and brings in Rey for something like a double sitout chokeslam. Kidman comes back in and it’s time for a baseball slide between the legs, followed by the Bronco Buster.

Rey’s middle rope moonsault connects but he lets Chavo makes the tag. The destruction is immediate as Rey and Kidman literally bounce off of Animal, who throws them both around like nothing. Some double dropkicks have Animal down though but a powerslam to Kidman and a powerbomb to Rey allow Chavo to pin Mysterio with ease.

Rating: D. So to recap, Mysterio and Kidman beat up the Cruiserweight Champion for about two and a half minutes before Animal, a grizzled veteran who had barely wrestled in years, destroyed them both at once with ease. That’s life in WCW people and it’s a big reason why you don’t see them around anymore.

The Humvee doors open.

We see part of Flair’s speech earlier.

Here’s Ric Flair to reveal the big new talent which is……Dustin Rhodes. Raise your hand if this actually surprises you. The announcers treat this like a huge deal as Ric thinks Dustin should be in a suit instead of cowboy boots. Dustin wants to know what’s wrong with being a cowboy. Well nothing until you’re about eight and then you kind of look dumb. They yell at each other a bit and Dustin turns down the offer to be on the team and the contract as well.

Cue Animal to help beat Dustin down until Dusty Rhodes makes his return (after turning his back on WCW last time) to clear the ring. So to clarify: Animal can destroy Rey Mysterio and Kidman but Dusty Rhodes can clear him out in a few seconds. To make it even better, Dusty talks about how Flair has been holding back talented people to push his friends. The Rhodes Family is here to clean up WCW and the fans seem very pleased with the idea.

Lance Storm vs. Crowbar

Before the match, Storm says Team Canada supports Flair and company. Ever the troublemaker, Crowbar jumps Storm during the national anthem. The other Canadians help Storm with a superkick and it’s an early beatdown for Crowbar in the corner. A comeback via clotheslines is cut off with a knee lift and we’re already in the chinlock. Crowbar fights up and tries a Tombstone (becoming too common of a move) but has to settle for a reverse DDT for two instead.

A belly to back suplex sets up a slingshot splash for two on Lance, followed by a moonsault out to the floor. Is there a reason Crowbar never got a run near the Cruiserweight Title? It’s not like he can’t fly around and he has more charisma than half of the division. Storm comes back with some German suplexes but gets caught in a northern lights suplex. They head up top with Crowbar trying a hurricanrana, only to get countered into the Maple Leaf for the quick submission.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and I’m sure the fact that it’s the longest match of the night so far has nothing to do with that. I’d love to see Crowbar actually go somewhere beyond just jobbing like this but I really can’t imagine that happening. I mean, the guy used to work in a gas station and it’s not like can just give him a new character and backstory or something like that.

Flair gives Storm the Cat at SuperBrawl for the Commissionership. Now that’s better as you could imagine Storm actually pulling that off.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Actually not so fast as Page is arrested for assault due to breaking up that fight at his book signing. Apparently Page accidentally bumped into a kid during the incident and the kid is the one pressing charges.

Flair thinks this is awesome.

Rick Steiner vs. Shane Douglas

Non-title. Steiner is here to do Cat’s dirty work so Shane made sure the title wasn’t on the line here, which translates to Steiner is going over. Schiavone thinks Steiner is one of the best WCW performers in the last ten years. Douglas gets in a few shots to the back to start before Rick just beats him down like he was Dean Douglas all over again.

Douglas begs off before throwing the referee at Steiner for a breather. The distraction lets Shane grab an Indian Deathlock though he’ll be lucky if Steiner even bothers to limp. I would appear to be right as Steiner pops up and grabs a suplex before…..I think a headlock takeover is botched as Shane tries to do something like a rollup.

Shane grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for two before the Pittsburgh Plunge gets the same. Hudson: “Rick’s brother Scott would be proud.” Of what? That the brother he doesn’t like at the moment kicked out of the US Champion’s finisher? The chain is easily broken up as the Steiner Line sets up the bulldog, followed by a Death Valley Driver to make the champ job.

Rating: D. Rick Steiner is not very good and there isn’t much of another way to put it. The booking here continues to baffle me as Rick gets pushed like this every single time he comes back. I’d be stunned if he doesn’t wind up with the US Title out of this because he just needs it so badly and is clearly a draw because he’s reached the age where you become one without having to actually, you know, wrestle well in the slightest.

Kevin Nash vs. Totally Buffed

Before the match, Luger and Bagwell rip on the Raven. Apparently winning the Super Bowl doesn’t count because the real Baltimore team moved to Indianapolis so this is a sham. I’m not sure what they were going for there but it really didn’t work as the fans almost cheered. Nash comes out and pulls Buff to the floor in an attempt to make it 2-1, only to have Buff come back in.

It’s Kevin Nash though so he clotheslines them both down and chokeslams Buff, only to have Luger hit him low. A lot of choking ensues until Nash sends Buff outside and hits Snake Eyes into the Jackknife on Luger. So to recap: Goldberg spends three months fighting Luger and Nash can hit his finisher on him in three minutes with Buff Bagwell in the same match.

Bagwell pulls the ref so here’s Alex Wright of all people in a referee shirt. Wright stops to dance though, earning himself a beating. Another Jackknife to Bagwell allows Cat to come in for two with Wright pulling him out. Guys it’s a short Nitro main event and we’re at two run-ins and three referees. Not that it matters anyway as Cat ducks Wright’s punch and slides back in to count the pin on Bagwell.

Rating: D. As mentioned, this was more about all the shenanigans than anything going on during the match because Bischoff and company think that’s how you build someone up. This was much more about Nash than anyone else as you want him to look strong but you shouldn’t have two of your top heels losing this badly. In other words, just let Nash beat Luger, assuming Nash is old enough to do that yet.

Post match Nash wants Steiner but we’re out of time.

Overall Rating: D+. You really can see the line between the generations here as the old guys suck while the young guys are working as hard as they can with the limitations they’re put under. They don’t get time and they’re often there as cannon fodder for the old guys (Kidman and Mysterio getting treated that way by ANIMAL was disgusting) but they’re putting in as much effort as they can.

That’s probably a big reason why Mysterio is a multiple time WWE World Champion and Kidman had a very nice WWE run before getting a job as a producer. In other words: no matter how little time you’re given out there, someone is going to see it at some point and if you’re good enough and work hard enough, you’ll get a break somewhere down the line.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: January 3, 2001
Location: Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 2,547
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray

Happy New Year everyone and welcome to some of the final months of WCW. It’s been a little while since we’ve had anything to actually watch as a few shows were preempted by holidays. Even WCW wasn’t stupid enough to try and have a show on Christmas night so this is a fresh start for them. Let’s get to it.

We open with a rapid fire video of everything that has been happening recently. It would be nice if they had more than five seconds per story but we need to get in and out of this in thirty seconds.

Mike Awesome has a Team Canada bus.

Opening sequence.

Tony calls this 2001: the Wrestling Odyssey. Well it certainly is a difficult journey.

Here’s President Ric Flair to get things going. He has a few things to get through before we start the show. First of all, Goldberg’s Streak is on the line in his tag match at Sin, as per Goldberg’s request. Second, Scott Steiner will be defending his World Title in a three way dance against Jeff Jarrett and a mystery partner (Yes partner. Even Flair said it twice.). For now though, he’s under a two week suspension because that’s how you build up a World Champion for a pay per view title defense. That suspension ends on Monday, because having a two week suspension WHEN YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY SHOWS makes perfect sense.

Cue Jeff Jarrett to interrupt because he’s tired of hearing about Steiner and the Mystery Man because he’s the other one in the match. Ric really doesn’t like being threatened so he gives Jarrett a match with Sid with the three way dance spot on the line. His opponent is Sid, whose music starts playing before Ric can even introduce him. It’s a taped show and they still can’t pull this off. We see a clip of Sid having Steiner pinned at Starrcade, which is enough to warrant another title shot. Shouldn’t that be a guaranteed title shot and not a match with Jarrett? Sid says it bees that way so the beating is on tonight.

Post break, Ric asks Mike Sanders why the Insiders aren’t on the show. Sanders says they were given a night off. Ric isn’t convinced but Sanders insists he’s not up to anything.

The Thrillers are in their office when Sanders comes in to say that yeah, he’s the reason the Insiders aren’t here tonight. Reno is given a match with Johnny the Bull later tonight.

Crowbar has a chair match with Meng tonight before he gets to face his idol again. Terry Funk was the man Crowbar looked up to before he bound Crowbar’s hands together and hit him in the head with a chair over and over. Crowbar swears revenge and to receive the hardcore torch at Sin. This was a really impassioned promo, which is why Crowbar isn’t going anywhere.

Buy a Cat T-Shirt!

Shane Helms vs. Jamie Noble

This should be good. They run the ropes to start until Shane shoulders him down, followed by Shane pulling on a double underhook and bending Jamie around like an abdominal stretch. A middle rope fist drop (remember that we’re in Memphis) gets two on Noble. Shane takes too much time posing though and the Nightmare on Helm Street (that dragon sleeper into a standing elbow drop) is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. The Vertebreaker plants Jamie but again Shane won’t cover. Now the Nightmare on Helm Street is enough for the pin in a bit of excess violence.

Rating: C+. Nice little match here with Shane looking good before he heads into his title shot. The Cruiserweights has been one of the few bright spots in these last months as there’s a story here and a talented champion defending against a bunch of guys who want the belt and personal revenge at the same time.

Post match Evan Karagias comes out to go after Shane but Shannon Moore runs in for the save. Jamie tombstones Shannon but takes another Nightmare. Now it’s Chavo running out to hit Shannon with the belt, making him the last man standing.

We see Konnan beating Elix Skipper for reasons I still don’t understand other than stupid politics.

Konnan and Elix get in an argument in the back but it’s a Canadian trap with Konnan getting beaten down.

Cat wants to be the Commissioner again and suggests that Gene Okerlund watch Lassie. Gene thinks he could do things to Miss Jones.

The Harris Twins have been laid out.

Corporal Cajun/Sgt. AWALL vs. Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo

O’Haire and Palumbo are surprise opponents as this was supposed to be a six man. Sanders publicly says that he’s the reason the Insiders aren’t here tonight. The rest of the Thrillers lay out the Misfits to give the team an early advantage with Cajun taking the early beating. It’s a shame the Thrillers can’t beat these stupid names out of them. Stevie makes a Hogan’s Heroes reference which actually breaks Tony up a little bit.

AWALL comes in and punches Palumbo a few times, allowing Cajun to powerslam him for two. Cajun gets two more off a back elbow, only to have Chuck do the Chris Jericho springboard dropkick to knock him off the apron. Of course the Thrillers get in some cheap shots on the outside and AWALL is knocked to the floor. The Seanton Bomb puts Cajun away.

Rating: D. Quite the messy match here but it establishes O’Haire and Palumbo as a good team for the future. Odds are they’ll be the pair that faces the Insiders for the belts at Sin, which is the best possible option due to the level of talent there. The Misfits on the other hand just need to go away. They’re not interesting, the joke is long past over and there’s just nothing left for them to do.

The Thrillers lay out the Misfits post match until Chavo tries to make a save. Shane Douglas comes in through the crowd and beats on Rection.

Post break Shane says he’s going to keep tormenting Rection until he gets the US Title as revenge for him taking away Torrie Wilson. Sin is going to be a chain on a pole match, which makes me think Russo is back. Rection runs in and beats Shane down.

On the bus, Jim Duggan sneaks up on Skipper and attacks because HE NEVER WALKS AWAY FROM A FIGHT. No, apparently he starts them by sneaking up on someone and telling the camera to stay quiet.

The Filthy Animals need to regroup after Konnan got attacked.

Johnny the Bull and Big Vito are talking about their priest when Cat comes up to say he wants to take out Reno tonight so he can put him in soup.

Buff Bagwell doesn’t understand why Sarge has issues with him. Someone who can turn a goof like Goldberg into a wrestler must be talented. Lex Luger has an “autographed copy” of Goldberg’s book and apparently Goldberg can’t spell.

Video on Sarge running the Power Plant.

Lance Storm gives Mike Awesome a match with Duggan tonight, which apparently he can just do.

Rey Mysterio has a plan.

Flair comes in to see the Thrillers and gives Reno a match with the Cat. So Reno has a night off? Jindrak will have a match too but his opponent isn’t named.

Sid, in different clothes than earlier, is ready for Jeff and is very thankful for his spot.

That’s about nine straight minutes of backstage segments. Maybe next up they can have someone hold up a sign that says “YEP! WE’RE STALLING!”

Crowbar vs. Meng

Chair on a pole match, making me even more convinced that Russo is back. Of note: there isn’t an actual pole as the chair is just in the corner. They slug it out to start as Daffney breaks some glass with the screeches. It’s already time for the chair with Meng getting his hands on it, only to have Crowbar dive over the top to take him out. Meng is whipped into the barricade but comes right back with his normal Tongan insanity. A drop toehold sends Meng head first into the steps and for some reason it actually works.

Daffney and Paisley get in a fight over the chair (you remember the chair) as Crowbar slows Meng down with a reverse DDT. That’s not enough for a cover though as Crowbar charges at Meng, only to be flapjacked into the chair on the top turnbuckle. The Death Grip puts Crowbar out.

Rating: D+. For some reason the announcers were stunned by the win, even though this feels like your standard way to build Meng back up before having him get taken down again. I’m assuming we’ll be having another three way for the Hardcore Title at Sin, which makes me think this should have been a standard hardcore match but why do that when you can have a (non-existent) pole.

Flair shakes Bagwell and Luger’s hands but nothing is heard.

Mark Jindrak vs. Goldberg

Jindrak actually gets in some offense but gets beaten in just over a minute with the usual.

Goldberg is ready for Luger and Bagwell.

Jeff Jarrett calls out the Mystery Man tonight because the Mystery Man can choose who he’s facing at Sin.

Luger and Bagwell talk to Kronik.

The Cat vs. Reno

Before the match, Cat says he wants Sanders out here because he has no issue with Igor (his name for Reno, which he’s used at least five times tonight). Reno jumps him from behind and chokes a lot to start, only to get knocked out to the floor. Miss Jones fires off some kicks, which certainly isn’t an excuse to showcase how she looks in chaps. Back in and Reno stomps away but his t-bone suplex is countered into a small package for two. Stevie: “Is that a brainbuster?” Cat pops up, does the crotch chop, and the Feliner ends Reno quick. I have no idea what this is supposed to accomplish but Cat is winning a lot lately.

Jim Duggan vs. Mike Awesome

There’s a big blurred out area behind the Canadians during their pre-match speech due to fans flipping them off. Duggan is back in the blue trunks here. They slug it out to start with Awesome being knocked to the floor for a change. Back in and Awesome slowly beats him down as the match loses the little interest it had coming in. Duggan comes back with a running clothesline as Stevie name drops Bronco Lubich. Skipper does….something from the floor though, allowing Mike to hit a quick Awesome Splash for the pin in a hurry.

Post match the beatdown is on until the Filthy Animals come in for the save. Konnan grabs the mic and tells them to look at the screen, where we see the Team Canada bus covered in graffiti.

After a break, Team Canada says they want to deal with the Animals at Sin instead of calling the cops.

The Mystery Man’s gear is shown in the back.

Buff Bagwell vs. DeWayne Bruce

Buff turns his back to pose to start (and it’s hard to blame him), allowing Bruce to get in a shot from behind. They take it to the floor with Bruce in control and walking around the ring with Buff being dragged behind. Back in and Buff gets two off a neckbreaker before we hit the choking. Bruce fights up and makes his comeback so here’s Luger with a chair. We cut to Goldberg running out of his locker room but Kronik jumps him, throws him in a box and carries him away on a forklift. Back in the arena, Luger Pillmanizes Bruce’s arm for the DQ.

Rating: F. Leave it to two moronic heels to attack a career jobber and injure him instead of going after GOLDBERG. This is such a stupid story as we’ve already had Goldberg go over Luger twice and now they’re going to use Bruce to stretch it out to a third pay per view. Why this is happening while Sid, Jarrett, and whoever is under that mask get a title shot isn’t clear, but I’d chalk it up to “WCW is stupid.”

Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

The winner is in the three way dance at Sin. Before the match, Jarrett wants to talk (of course) to the Mystery Man. Jeff rambles on for a long time about how he and Sid both want momentum coming towards Sin but the audio keeps cutting out, likely trying to censor some chants. Sid won’t let him bail though and the brawl is on in front of a dead crowd with Jeff being dropped throat first across the barricade.

Back in and Jeff stomps away before a dropkick gets two. We hit the sleeper (of course) until Sid fights back and gets in a chokeslam. The powerbomb is loaded up but the Mystery Man comes in and hits Sid in the back, but since this is WCW we’ll call that a no contest, meaning neither has advanced to Sin.

Rating: D. Naturally two former World Champions can only get four minutes before a run-in finish that didn’t even go the way it was supposed to. As usual, Sid didn’t quite look great in the ring and Jeff was doing nothing other than his signature stuff. I’m sure you know where this is going for Sin and I really wish they could have just gone with that in the first place.

Sid gets double teamed and of course it’s Scott Steiner under the mask to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. There’s just so much stupid on this show with the main event scene being the biggest issue. I can’t get over the fact that it’s freaking Buddy Lee Parker getting the spotlight in a story. Yeah he trained Goldberg, but you can’t just make up a story to get someone in there with a slightly better win/loss record? As in with any wins on his record? The rest of the show was the usual mess, not made any better by the fact that Sin is next week. Bad show here and a really horrible way to start the new year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: December 13, 2000
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Konnan, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

It’s the final show before the biggest show of the year and the big match announced for tonight is Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Lex Luger. Odds are Sid and Steiner aren’t going to be in the arena tonight because the idea for the match seems to be based on them being apart as long as possible before we get to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with the traditional Nitro recap, which begins with Crowbar and Terry Funk. Not the World Title situation, but a guy in the 70s with a female friend who dresses in 60’s clothes getting beaten up by a guy who won his first World Title nearly thirty years before this show. Only in WCW.

Mike Sanders welcomes us to the show and gives Chavo Guerrero Jr. the Perfect Event. He’s welcome to find a partner if he wants but otherwise, we’ll just make it a handicap match.

Ric Flair cuts into the interview and demands that Sanders makes sure Lance Storm sings the National Anthem. Sid and Steiner are welcome to fight tonight because Ric is tired of trying to keep them apart. Finally, Sanders will be facing Diamond Dallas Page tonight.

Opening sequence.

Tony: “THIS MUST BE THUNDER!”

Evan Karagias/Jamie Noble vs. 3 Count

Evan is still in the 3 Count entrance video because no one cares enough to fix it. They start brawling and here are the Jung Dragons to make it a three way dance.

Evan Karagias/Jamie Noble vs. 3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

Karagias springboards in with a double clothesline to take out the Dragons before grabbing a neckbreaker on Yang. We settle down to Evan vs. Noble vs. Shane because teams mean nothing around here. Jamie suplexes Shannon and Konnan seems to be having a great time on commentary.

It’s off to Kaz as Konnan talks about what sounds like OMEGA, which isn’t something you often hear about. Everything breaks down and a Vertebreaker (no reaction from commentary) plants Kaz. We get a ladder brought in before Shannon plants Evan with a Fameasser (Bottoms Up here), only to have Noble and Karagias superplex Shane, allowing Evan to steal the pin.

Rating: C. Best match WCW has had in weeks and it was just ok by these guys’ standards. The ladder match should be a blast and at least they have Chavo waiting on the winners instead of whatever nightmare a match against Sanders would have been. It’s also nice of WCW to get this out of the way before it could pick the show up later on.

Scott Steiner beats up Kwee Wee as part of a contest where you can win an ATV.

Storm says he doesn’t know the words to the National Anthem so he can’t sing it. Duggan: “I KNOW THE WORDS! I’LL TEACH YOU!”

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perfect Event

Non-title and Chavo doesn’t have a partner. Stasiak gets things going as Konnan makes some references to bathhouses. We see the Misfits watching from the back as Chavo gets in Stasiak’s face and takes Palumbo out to the floor. Palumbo can’t get a delayed vertical suplex and gets clotheslined for two, only to have Stasiak make an easy save. Stasiak puts Chavo down again and we see the Misfits clearly wanting to come out and make the save. Chuck dropkicks Chavo in the back as Stasiak flapjacks him for a near fall. In the back again, Lash is told to stay in the back and we cut to a double flapjack putting Chavo away.

Rating: D+. Did Chavo turn face and no one told us? He was slapping hands on the way to the ring and you can’t expect someone to be booed when they’re fighting two heels at a time. If nothing else this makes the Misfits look like heels, which certainly wasn’t what they were going for here. This was a mess of an idea and as usual I doubt they have any idea what’s going on.

Sid is on the phone and says to not let Steiner leave the building because he’s ten to fifteen minutes away.

Meng finds Kwee Wee down on the floor (because he hasn’t gotten any assistance in roughly fifteen minutes) and wants revenge on Steiner.

Reno and Big Vito beat up Bam Bam Bigelow for hitting on Marie. Well at least he has good taste.

Sarge is ready to fight Luger tonight.

The music lessons continue. Duggan: “OH SAY CAN YOU SEE???” Storm: “Who is Jose?”

Luger yawns and reads a magazine.

Video on Sid vs. Steiner.

Video of Goldberg on the Man Show.

Flair gives Meng a World Title shot tonight.

Here’s Storm to sing the National Anthem. Storm doesn’t want to sing so here are the Cat and Ms. Jones to interrupt, complete with a picnic basket to enjoy the performance. The music sings and Storm misses his start before going into “blah blah blah” for the lyrics. Storm screws up again so Cat tells Duggan to sing instead. Duggan is glad to do it and gets about halfway through until Cat throws hot dogs at Storm. That’s enough to set up a match.

The Cat vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan forearms him a few times but tells Storm he doesn’t want to fight. Cat is sent outside for a beating from Skipper but Duggan says not so fast. The 2×4 is loaded up but Duggan sees a “Hacksaw, come home” sign. He hits Storm by mistake and that’s enough to make Duggan rip off the Canadian shirt. The Feliner (more like a kick to the arm) puts Duggan away in a hurry.

Post match, Storm gives Cat one of the best looking superkicks I’ve ever seen, including some tuning up the band. Tony: “What was he stomping on the mat for?” After the Canadians leave, Cat helps Duggan to his feet.

Video of Sarge training people. It’s two people but they are indeed people.

Steiner isn’t worried about Sid or Meng.

Luger hits Goldberg in the head with a baseball bat. And I’m sure charges are coming later tonight right? Naturally the announcers treat this like Luger going to catering.

Sid calls in and needs directions.

Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Lex Luger

Luger has his old face music here. The fans chant for Goldberg as Luger drops to a knee and offers a test of strength. Bruce kicks him down a few times so Luger pulls out a wooden baseball bat to knock him cold. The Rack gives Luger the easy win.

Luger keeps stomping on Bruce and shouts for Goldberg to get out here.

Post break Luger bails as fast as he can.

Page thinks it’s funny that he’s almost twenty years older than Sanders.

Reno and Vito are ready for Kronik. They’ll be having the same match on Sunday so you might as well just do the swerve tonight.

Bruce is checked out for neck and rib injuries.

Daffney wants Crowbar to drop the 70’s thing.

Video on Starrcade’s big matches, the same one that aired on Nitro.

Reno/Big Vito vs. Kronik

Reno and Adams start it off with Brian hitting a cool gorilla press gutbuster for an early two. A double elbow drops Adams though as the crowd is just gone for this. The full nelson slam plants Reno and it’s off to Clark for a beating in the corner. For some reason Clark sends Reno into the corner for a tag off to Vito. That’s quite the arrogance.

Vito Mafia Kicks him for two, only to get suplexed down for the same. They head outside and this is more intense than it really should be but at least they’re working hard. A Russian legsweep sends Vito into the barricade and seems to wake him up a bit, only to have Adams put on a chinlock. Cue Jarrett and the Harris Twins to knock Konnan out cold in an attempt to wake the crowd up. An F5 gets two on Vito and it’s off to Reno, who walks into High Times for a very quick pin.

Rating: C. This was much better than I was expecting but the swerve that you can almost guarantee for Sunday really isn’t something I’m looking forward to. It’s ok to just have a team be a team for a bit without having some big screwy finish thrown in. Vito and Reno are basically the new and improved Mamalukes and the idea is actually working better than it has any right to.

Kronik keeps up the beating but Vito fights them off.

The sitdown interview this week is with Shane Douglas, who talks about coming through the ranks to get here and wanting the best competition. There are a lot of demons in his closet but he wants to face them all. We hear about Torrie being gone without the words “Torrie” or “Wilson” actually being used and Shane insists that they were much closer than just friends. Shane is ready for Morrus on Sunday and wants to use the US Title as a stepping stone to the World Title.

The Thrillers have laid out Kevin Nash.

Mike Sanders vs. Diamond Dallas Page

We recap the Thrillers attacking Nash’s knee (which was either last night if you listen to Tony or Monday night if you follow the graphic) before we get going. They slap each other in the face to start before Page easily takes over and sends Sanders to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline.

Back to the announcers’ table for the first time in a whole match and it’s time to hear from Sid. He’s STILL lost because it takes an hour and a half to find what is likely the biggest building in a city whose population was 56,000 people at the time. Page starts slugging away in the corner before Pancaking him down for two. The Diamond Cutter hits but the Thrillers come in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Of course this was about Page beating up one of the younger guys who was treated like a joke of a threat. I think I’ve vented about my issues enough times now, assuming there’s any doubt about what’s wrong with this mess. Just give Page and Nash the titles back so they can have their second big moment.

Page beats up four Thrillers for a bit until Palumbo and Stasiak come in for the real beatdown.

WCW World Title: Meng vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is defending and Meng has Paisley in his corner for reasons that still aren’t exactly clear. Before the match, Steiner talks about how Flair’s hired killer can’t even find the arena. Meng goes right after him to start and stomps Steiner down like any given jobber. The champ bails out to the floor for a bit before taking Meng down with a belly to belly.

A belly to belly superplex is broken up and Meng hits a half decent middle rope clothesline. He follows it up with a top rope splash for two but Steiner suplexes him again to take over. Midajah goes after Meng and it’s time for a catfight. The Tongan Death Grip is easily broken up and a t-bone sends Meng flying. Sid comes out as Steiner grabs the Recliner to retain.

Rating: C+. I’m a fan of Meng and the few times he’s gotten a chance to have a big match have turned out quite well. He did just fine beating on Steiner and looking good as a monster for the champ to survive while never being any kind of a real threat to take the title. Plus he found the arena.

Sid beats Steiner up in slow motion and chokeslams him to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Why do I have a feeling that Thunder is never going to reach this level again? There was some good action tonight in spite of the traditional bad booking. I still can’t get over the fact that Sid COULDN’T FIND THE ARENA. That’s their big idea: he got lost on the way there. I mean, you can’t just say he’s there or doing an interview or anything else besides making him look stupid? As usual, WCW decides to go with the worst possible idea and the company suffers as a result.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: December 6, 2000
Location: Pershing Auditorium, Lincoln, Nebraska
Attendance: 3,433
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Stevie Ray

I’m really not sure what to talk about with this one. As weak as Monday Nitro has gotten in recent weeks it’s almost scary to think about how bad Thunder could get at this point. We’re getting closer to Starrcade and the night of many rematches, which is exactly what I want to see after such a horrible Mayhem. Let’s get to it.

Long Nitro recap opens things up.

Ric Flair is on his way to the ring.

Stevie Ray comes out to take over Madden’s spot because…..well it’s an upgrade in a way.

Here’s Ric Flair with something to say. After what happened on Monday, Scott Steiner and Sid aren’t allowed here tonight. That’s not all though: due to Steiner attacking Arn Anderson, he’s stripped of the World Title. This brings out Mike Sanders to say that Flair is just jealous of Steiner’s body but Ric tells him to keep bringing the insults. Cue Arn Anderson on the screen to say he can take care of Sanders anytime. Steiner should keep the title though because if they’re going to take him down, it might as well be when he’s on top. This is of course enough to change Flair’s mind and Steiner is champion again.

Post break, Flair makes Sanders vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. for the Cruiserweight Title.

Crowbar tells Daffney he has a new outfit for her.

AWALL doesn’t like Chavo’s new attitude.

Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire vs. Noble and Karagias

Noble gets annoyed at Karagias for dancing to the ring. Jindrak and O’Haire throw both guys over the top but spend too much time posing, allowing the small guys to come back in with dropkicks. That means it’s time to drive the Cadillac before Noble starts with Jindrak. Jamie’s top rope clothesline gets two but Evan tags himself in for a springboard cross body. O’Haire gets in a great looking gorilla press into a Falcon’s Arrow as Tony goes on about how much better Jindrak and O’Haire are because of their size.

Noble takes a middle rope Hennig neck snap followed by a tilt-a-whirl slam for no cover. Evan comes in off the hot tag and faceplants Jindrak before pulling out a ladder to take out both Thrillers. Yeah sure why not. Noble and Karagias argue over the ladder though, allowing Sean to clothesline both of them down. The double toss sends Karagias inside and another puts Noble on top of him. A top rope hurricanrana sets up the Seanton Bomb to pin Noble.

Rating: C+. Jindrak and O’Haire looked awesome here and are pretty easily the best team in the company right now, of course save for the two old guys who squashed 3 Count after taking the belts from Perfect Event at Mayhem. I’m sure the rematch will be FAR more competitive though and O’Haire and Jindrak will be treated as serious challengers.

Whoever hired Kronik on Nitro has another job for them tonight.

Shane Douglas is ready for Morrus at Starrcade and Goldberg tonight.

Sgt. AWALL vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Winner gets Crowbar for the Hardcore Title at Starrcade so Crowbar is on commentary. Daffney has on her 60s attire because WCW can’t even get old school fashion right. They start with the usual weapons exchanges as this hopefully doesn’t go on very long. A trashcan lid shot takes Bigelow down and it’s already table time. AWALL takes too much time setting everything up though and gets sent over the announcers’ table. That’s not enough though as Bigelow sends him into the regular table for a bonus. Cue Mike Awesome with a chair to knock both guys out though and that’s a no contest in a hardcore match.

Rating: D-. More of the same here but now they’re having no contests in matches designed to have the toughest guys in wrestling. To the shock of no one who pays attention, Crowbar was the highlight here as he was basically doing an over the top Gordon Solie impression, which of course made him funnier than any commentator has been in years.

The Filthy Animals arrive but get jumped by Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Twins.

The Cat talks strategy with the Jung Dragons……who don’t understand English. It’s funny you see.

Video on Sid vs. Steiner.

Buff Bagwell goes on a rant about how tired he is of jobbing to B-Level talent like Scott Steiner. Tonight he has Alex Wright which doesn’t make things any better. This feels like a flashback to the Russo days and that’s not a good thing.

Team Canada vs. The Cat/Jung Dragons

Before the match, Storm implies that he’s going to punish Duggan for screwing up on Monday in the near future. Kaz starts with Skipper who avoids an early clothesline with a Matrix move. Yang comes in and hammers away in the corner so Skipper shoves him away and it’s off to Duggan. That goes as far as you would expect so Storm comes in for a jawbreaker. There’s the Mapleleaf but everything breaks down and the referee doesn’t see Yang tap. An enziguri drops Storm so it’s off to Cat for some shots to Skipper’s head. Everyone else fights on the floor and the Feliner puts Skipper away.

Rating: D. As usual, not enough time for this to go anywhere but at least Storm didn’t take another completely unnecessary pin. If they want Duggan out of there so badly just throw him out already instead of having the team take all these losses in a row. It’s nice to see the Dragons getting a few wins but there’s no way it turns into anything important.

Storm blames Duggan post match and the winners dance a lot.

Post break Storm tells Duggan he’s done for the night.

Vito and Marie argue about Reno.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Mike Sanders

Sanders is defending and the Thrillers are banned from ringside. Chavo takes him to the mat to start and gets in a kick to the back. A whip sends Sanders chest first into the buckle and there’s a belly to back to keep him in trouble. Sanders gets in a release pumphandle slam to take over, followed by the shaky fist drop.

We hit a cobra clutch to fill in some time They head outside with Sanders being sent into the barricade as this hasn’t been the most competitive or interesting match so far. Back in and Chavo dropkicks him into the corner before a northern lights suplex gets two. The referee pulls Sanders away and Chavo gets in a quick belt shot, setting up a brainbuster for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing to see but the ending was the exactly right call. Chavo is getting better every single week and Sanders only held the title as a joke for the last few weeks. I’m liking the idea of Chavo as a heel and he can more than back it up in the ring so this is a good result all around, even if the match was nothing to see.

Post break, Chavo says he won and screw the Misfits.

Sanders is livid.

Disco Inferno tells Alex Wright that he has a plan but Wright wants to do things himself.

Now we get a somewhat infamous moment as the Insiders talk about their history, which includes A LOT of references to Scott Hall. However, WCW had instituted a ban on any mentions of Hall so the name is edited every time, basically making this look like a bad comedy sketch. Oh and the lighting is all screwy because WCW can’t even get a light bulb right.

Anyway the interview itself is about what you would expect: they talk about how they came together after Page was coming back from his injury (Battledome sequence ignored of course) and their history with censored. The Hall stuff is much more odd as they talk about how much they want him back and how important he was to their careers but the editing makes it sound like they’re talking about some illegal drug. They make fun of Stevie Ray (the interviewer) a bit to wrap things up.

Lex Luger is reading Goldberg’s book and doesn’t seem happy.

Alex Wright vs. Buff Bagwell

Disco is on commentary. Buff dropkicks him a few times to start but eats a quick leg lariat. I’ve always liked that move. That means it’s time for a very early chinlock which goes nowhere of course. Why would you even use that move, knowing it’s just going to make a face come back? Wright dives onto a raised boot and misses a dropkick, setting up the Blockbuster for a quick pin.

Bryan Clark vs. Big Vito

This is supposed to be one on one but both members of the team beat Vito down on the floor to start. Clark finally takes him inside but Vito grabs a snap suplex. The top rope elbow connects, only to have Vito come up holding his knee. They seem to go home really fast as Clark hits a quick Meltdown for the pin.

Post match Reno comes in for the save and it’s a big family moment.

The Thrillers yell at Reno for making the save in the back.

Here’s Shane Douglas for the main event but first of all he has something to say. Apparently everyone here in Nebraska who can afford television knows what General Rection did to Torrie Wilson (“my meal ticket”) but the same people cheer for him. Great things happen in great places like New York, Los Angeles and Pittsburgh, but tonight the fans here in Nebraska get to see something special.

Shane talks about how he’s going to beat Goldberg tonight and then tries to start a GOLDBERG chant. Somehow this makes Stevie talk about Shane being kicked out of college for his attitude. He goes on even more about how he’ll win the title at Starrcade and then calls Goldberg out again. This went almost five minutes and really felt like they were stretching to fill in time.

Goldberg vs. Shane Douglas

Shane gets smart by wrapping the chain around his hand before the bell. Three straight chain shots actually put Goldberg down but here’s Luger with Sarge in the Rack on the stage. Goldberg starts to go for the save (in slow motion) but Shane jumps him from behind. That earns him a quick spear (really good one too) and Jackhammer, allowing Goldberg to get win #29 and then run up for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Somehow this was an improvement over recent weeks. The problem here is the same as it has been lately: at some point, we’re going to have to sit through Goldberg vs. Luger II and Sid vs. Steiner for the title at the biggest show of the year. Oh and the Insiders getting the titles back because they need them so badly. The booking is crippling anything else they could do and it’s only going to get worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: November 8, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Stevie Ray

We’re still rolling towards Mayhem and things are starting to get a bit better. The shows still aren’t great but they’re coherent and you can see where they want to go for the most part. I’ll take that over Russo’s insanity as now I kind of want to see where things are going instead of waiting on the next big surprise. Let’s get to it.

Booker goes to see Mike Sanders and asks for a match with Shawn Stasiak tonight. Instead he’ll get to defend the title against Mike Awesome, which earns Sanders a quick threat.

Opening sequence.

Evan Karagias vs. Jamie Noble

Apparently Evan is a spoiled celebrity now. The fans don’t appreciate a pair of cruiserweights slugging it out so Jamie sends him to the floor and dives off the apron to take Evan down. Back in and Jamie drops a leg to set up what looks like a moonsault, only to get crotched for his efforts. That means it’s time for some posing before Evan almost drops him on his head in a gorilla press. I know Evan is trying to act strong but that doesn’t mean he can throw people around.

Thankfully Jamie rolls into a sunset flip, only to get powerbombed for two. A World’s Strongest Slam looks to set up a superplex but Jamie shoves him down and drops a top rope legdrop for a near fall of his own. Jamie fights back with chops and a good looking dropkick before missing a charge to the outside. Cue 3 Count to beat down Evan, giving Jamie the easy pin. As usual, WCW referee prove themselves to be such brilliant minds.

Rating: D+. Evan wasn’t the best worker in the world to start and now they’re having him do stuff he isn’t exactly ready to do yet. Jamie is talented enough to do a lot in WCW, though of course I can’t imagine they’ll actually go anywhere with him other than just having the same matches over and over. Splitting the two teams into three was a nice short term concept but as usual it didn’t have anywhere to go.

Jamie runs 3 Count off. Music hater.

The Boogie Knights don’t like Konnan but Gene doesn’t like Disco’s hat.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Crowbar

Reno is defending. Thankfully Crowbar drops his 70s clothes on the way to the ring since he barely interacts with Awesome anymore. Reno starts with some kendo stick shots before opting for trashcan shots to the head. He’s nothing if not versatile. Crowbar comes back like it’s nothing (because it pretty much was) and splashes a chair onto the champ, meaning it’s time for a ladder. To be fair the match is like a minute and a half old so the next step much be a ladder. A splash and a moonsault onto the ladder onto Reno don’t even get two so it’s time for more chopping.

The ladder is set up in the corner but Reno’s suplex is left a good bit short and Crowbar barely makes contact. You had to see something like this coming eventually. Roll the Dice is broken up so Reno settles for a t-bone suplex, only to get dropkicked out to the floor so Crowbar can drop a ladder onto him for a painful crash. Crowbar puts him on a chair on the floor for a clothesline off the apron and they fight up the aisle with Reno suplexing him near the entrance. A quick trip to the back goes nowhere so here’s Vito to kick Reno off the stage, setting up Crowbar’s splash for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Good enough for a hardcore match here and it’s nice to see Crowbar finally getting some recognition for how talented he really is. Unfortunately the division barely exists and there’s no reason to believe that this is going to lead anywhere for Crowbar. There were some good spots here too and that’s as much as you’re going to get in a match like this.

Mike Awesome and the Misfits celebrate with the new champion.

Konnan vs. Disco Inferno

Kidman is on commentary as Konnan jumps Disco at the bell. An armbar doesn’t get Konnan anywhere and it’s Disco stomping away in the corner. Disco and the referee (Scott Armstrong, oh he of the hitch in the count) get in an argument over choking, which means we get another discussion of Road Dogg. Konnan makes a quick comeback but the Animals ave to take out Wright. The distraction lets Konnan get in a quick X Factor for the pin.

Mike Awesome doesn’t think much of Booker and/or Scott Steiner.

Now we get a sitdown interview at what looks like a restaurant (minus food of course) with Mark Madden talking to the Cat, with Ms. Jones who seems to be there to give us something to look at. They manage to stay civil for all of two seconds before Cat calls him greasy. I would say just like the food but again this is a restaurant without actual food.

Cat keeps going with something about wanting to be anti-establishment and how much he wants to hurt Madden. He’s also not a fan of Ric Flair being around forever and then gets into a stupid discussion of Battledome. Yes that’s still a thing and they’re really still doing it for reasons that I’ll never understand. Oh and he’ll fight Shane Douglas anytime. The thing just kind of ends after A LOT of yelling at Madden with Cat really just going insane instead of really sounding coherent or having a point, aside from maybe Battledome.

Steiner goes into Sanders’ office and asks if he can get anger management courses to avoid losing his title shot. That’s rather out of character for him so he grabs Mike by the throat and threatens to kill him if this doesn’t work. That’s more like it.

Mayhem ad.

Here’s David Flair to accuse Rey Mysterio of being the father. Why in the world is this still a thing, especially since Stacy hasn’t been on TV in weeks? Rey says he isn’t the father but he’ll be David’s daddy tonight. Uh, isn’t David’s daddy already a character on the show?

Rey Mysterio vs. David Flair

Rey starts fast with a springboard splash for two but David, in street clothes, takes it outside for a chop against the barricade. The commentary focuses on Battledome of course as Tygress knocks David out with a hard forearm, setting up back to back Bronco Busters on David. A springboard legdrop to the back of the head puts David away with ease.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Kevin Nash

Not so fast of course because Stasiak brings out Kronik for some backup. Sanders advises Kronik to head to the back because this isn’t worth losing their pay over. They do indeed leave….and the Thrillers turn on Nash for the big beatdown. So Nash is a face? Again? And forget the whole Stasiak face turn I guess? Booker comes in for the save for no real logical reason.

Nash is checked out by the trainers.

Scott Steiner video.

Luger and Bigelow seem to be in cahoots for the main event tonight. Thanks for clearing that up for us WCW.

Lance Storm vs. Meng

Storm isn’t happy with Meng’s job against Sgt. AWALL last week, which made it even more clear that if you want something done right, hire a Canadian. Kwee Wee and Paisley come out with Meng to continue one of the most confusing pairings in a long time. Naturally the two of them sit down on commentary because that’s how you get in bonus material on a wrestling show.

Meng shoves him around to start as Paisley says Angry Alan (the alter ego that comes out when Kwee Wee gets mad) a mini-Meng. Storm gets knocked to the floor and you can see the glitter on him from his match against Kwee Wee on Nitro. Back in and Storm’s clothesline has no effect but Skipper gets in a cheap shot so Lance can take over. A Samoan drop plants Storm but it’s time for Meng to go after the other Canadians for a double countout.

Rating: D. Nothing match here but at least the right guy won while they kept Meng looking strong. Paisley got on my nerves by arguing with Stevie during the entire match but it makes sense that she would be annoyed at being called a yak for weeks. Meng and Kwee Wee have potential as a goofy team and I’ve heard worse ideas. It was a bad match but the right result so at least they’re getting something right.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Mike Awesome

Booker is defending of course. Awesome is all fired up to start and gets in Booker’s face, finally showing some fire instead of his Saturday Night Fever influences. A headlock doesn’t get Mike anywhere as Booker gets in a dropkick for an early advantage. Awesome clotheslines him out to the floor and sends Booker into the barricade before hitting Booker in the back. Maybe he learned that by watching Booker do it to Nash on Monday.

The beating continues for far too long on the floor before some stomps get two on the champ. The fans finally get the table they’ve been requesting all match and of course the announcers act like this is perfectly normal. Stevie on Booker: “I know this guy like a book. Do you know why?” Tony: “Because he’s your brother?” At least he didn’t say “because his name is Book.”

The running Awesome Bomb through a table doesn’t work so Awesome throws him through the table for two instead. You could hear the fans gasp at that kickout. Mike misses the Awesome Splash and gets caught in the sidewalk slam for two. The ax kick gets an even closer two but the Bookend retains the title.

Rating: B-. Best match they’ve had in weeks here and oddly enough the match that got more time than anything else. It’s so funny how that works. Awesome being more serious would only be a good thing for him as he’s more than talented enough to make it on his own without a gimmick. Anyway this was a fun match and I had a good time with it, completely unnecessary table spot aside.

We go to the back to Lanita Ericson, who looks like Pamela Paulshock crossed with the bad version of Madusa. She’s interviewing future MMA fighter/wrestler Bob Sapp, who has signed with WCW. Sapp was an NFL offensive lineman and decided to make a career change to wrestling. That should be a cakewalk but then he was taken down by a little guy named Sarge on his first day at the Power Plant.

Sapp plugs his upcoming boxing match/toughman contest with Refrigerator William Perry and I have no idea how this is supposed to make me want to keep watching. This new woman is HORRIBLE as well as she sounds like someone trying to get picked up at a bar. Terrible all around here and thankfully Sapp never wrestled for WCW.

Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lex Luger

Actually hang on a minute as Kronik comes out before Goldberg and beat up the referee. Stevie: “This is all making sense now.” Tenay: “EXPLAIN IT THEN!”

After a break we see the Boogie Knights paying Kronik off. Dang Stevie was right. It did make sense earlier, assuming you paid attention.

Mayhem ad.

Let’s try this again.

Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lex Luger

Goldberg fights them both off because this is one of those handicap matches called a triple threat in an attempt to make it more interesting. The villains are sent outside for a bit where they get things together, allowing them to take over inside. A beating on the floor keeps Goldberg in trouble but he easily powers out of Luger’s elbow drops. That’s enough for Luger as he walks out, leaving Goldberg to Jackhammer Bigelow for the pin.

Rating: D. The match has come and gone and I’m still not sure what it changed to make this a three way instead of just having the handicap match that it should have been. Goldberg winning was of course the obvious ending and it makes sense to have Bigelow take the pin but Goldberg vs. Luger is their big idea? That’s the best they’ve got? No wonder they are where they are right now.

Overall Rating: D+. Mayhem needs to get here already so we can wrap up some of these stories and get on to some fresh stuff. The midcard stuff has a few interesting ideas in there but they need to polish a lot of this show instead of just running it like they’ve been doing. The shows are passable enough but they need a few big changes to really make them good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show where you can really see the next generation rising up. The main events other than the Rumble are Lesnar vs. Holly and HBK vs. HHH. Ok so maybe the next generation only comes up in the Rumble. Other than that we don’t have much going on here but this show is all about Benoit in the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn vs. HHH because that’s what people are watching the ROYAL RUMBLE for right? The theme of the video is that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

There’s an empty seat for Mick Foley in the front row.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

We recap the battle of the Guerreros. Eddie was clearly the bigger star which was fine while they were champions, but once they lost the belts to the Bashams, Chavo blamed Eddie and turned on his uncle for losing his title. The Guerreros almost made up but they lost the rematch, after which Chavo let Eddie get double teamed by the Bashams. This was actually a pretty solid story despite how basic it was. Sometimes less is more. Oh and Kurt Angle was playing peacemaker and Chavo Guerrero Senior is in his son’s corner.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo bails to the floor before the bell and the fans are totally behind Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Chavo slaps Eddie in the face and now we’re ready to go. We hit the mat for a bit before Eddie starts snapping off chops in the corner. Chavo shoulders him down and we have a standoff. They chop it out again and Eddie goes to the eye like a true Guerrero.

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Ad for Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. That’s the most entertaining part of the show so far.

Benoit likes his odds even though he’s #1 in the Rumble. Evolution comes up and says Orton is going to win the Rumble. Flair says Benoit may be great, but this is about Evolution tonight.

We recap Hardcore Holly vs. Lesnar. Brock broke Holly’s neck (legit) and Holly gets a world title shot out of it a year later. This is the textbook definition of the Rumble title shot where no one buys the champion as being in any danger whatsoever.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly jumps Lesnar in the aisle and sends him into the post because he wants to break Lesnar’s neck. We get a bell and Holly misses an elbow off the top to give Brock control. They head to the floor where Holly’s back is rammed into the apron and Lesnar hooks a reverse body vice back inside. That goes nowhere so Brock hits a Shell Shock for two and it’s right back to the hold.

We shift to a bearhug and then one of the most wicked overhead belly to belly suplexes you’ll ever see. Off to a kind of rear naked choke by Lesnar to keep things dull. Holly makes his comeback with the dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam but goes for a full nelson and revenge instead of the title. Holly hooks the hold and goes to the floor with it but has to break the count. The F5 hits a few seconds later to complete the inevitable.

Rating: D. This was Brock Lesnar defending the world title against Hardcore Holly on pay per view. If you can’t figure out why this got the rating it got, I can’t help you.

We recap HHH vs. HBK which is allegedly seven years in the making. I’m guessing THIS is supposed to be the FINAL blowoff to their feud instead of the classic in 2002.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is defending and this is a last man standing match. They chop it out to start and punch each other in the corner a lot. Shawn tries a backslide before realizing that makes no sense here, so it’s back to the chops. Michaels gets caught in a facebuster as things slow down a bit. A HARD whip into the corner has Shawn’s back in trouble and a backbreaker makes it even worse.

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Back in and Shawn counters a Pedigree with a backdrop to the floor but he injures his back in the process. Shawn tries a springboard cross body to the floor but crashes through the table instead as only he can. Instead of letting the now busted open Shawn get counted out, HHH throws him back in for the count, which reaches seven. The champ pounds Shawn down a few times for a few counts, most of which don’t get that far.

A fast spinebuster (literally, as Shawn was flying at HHH and it almost looked like a belly to belly instead of a spinebuster) gets about six. That’s the problem with most last man standing matches: it’s a big move then standing around for the count. That makes it very hard to get any kind of flow going to the match. HHH cracks Shawn in the back with a chair but Shawn gets up again. A Pedigree onto the chair is countered into a slingshot into the post, busting HHH open as well.

Now Shawn cracks HHH in the head with a chair, allowing HHH to do his weird “my head hurts and I’m not sure where I am” face. There’s the forearm followed by the nipup from Shawn, followed by an atomic drop and the top rope elbow. That gets about seven so Shawn tunes up the band, only to walk into a low blow to put both guys down. Shawn hooks a sleeper which eventually gets an eight count before walking into a DDT to put both guys down.

That gets a double eight count before we head to the corner. HHH tries a belly to back superplex but Shawn counters into a cross body for another double eight count. The Pedigree hits but it’s only good for a nine. Shawn pops up out of nowhere with some more Sweet Chin Music, putting both guys down for ten which keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. The problem here is exactly what I said earlier: this was a lot of laying around. The last seven minutes or so had about five moves combined, as most of the match was “move, lay down, move, lay down, move, lay down.” The idea is supposed to be a ton of drama, but that didn’t happen here. Shawn would turn into a jerk in the next few weeks and insert himself in the Mania main event because of this ending.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

The Fink is ready to start the Rumble but here’s Bischoff to run his mouth. He says that a Raw guy is going to win the Rumble because he’s respected as a GM. He runs down ECW, which brings out Heyman for a brawl. Cue Austin on his ATV to say that these two are both in violation of the law (he was called Sheriff Austin at this point) and wants to know who started it. Heyman and Bischoff: “HE DID!” Both guys get Stunners and the fans love it.

Goldberg, #30 in the Rumble, doesn’t get to talk because Lesnar comes in to interrupt him. Lesnar is called a coward, which will come into play later.

JR has to admit Foley is a coward because he isn’t here yet.

Royal Rumble

Benoit is #1 and the Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton is #2. Two minute intervals here again. They pound away on each other to start with Benoit taking him to the mat to stomp away. Mark Henry is #3 when he was a fat power guy with no direction at all. Allow me to be more specific: he’s still with Teddy Long. Benoit gets double teamed for awhile until Tajiri is #4. These intervals don’t seem to be two minutes or anywhere close to it.

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Rhyno is #6 as we’re flying through this so far. He goes after the two starters as Tajiri fires off kicks on Henry. Tajiri gets a half Tarantula on Henry but Henry gets Gored, knocking Tajiri out in the process. Benoit clotheslines Henry out and we’re down to three again. Matt Hardy is #7 and Benoit throws him to the apron almost immediately. In FAR less than two minutes, here’s Scott Steiner at #8. Oh dear it’s Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble. This could be a disaster.

He starts firing off suplexes immediately but at least this time there are some t-bones to go with the belly to bellies. Benoit rolls some Germans on him as if to say THIS IS HOW YOU SUPLEX SOMEBODY. Things slow down a bit and here’s Matt Morgan at #9. He takes Benoit down with a Batista Bomb takes Benoit down and pounds away on Orton in the corner.

The Hurricane is #10 and comes in off the top with a cross body to Hardy. He goes after Morgan for no apparent reason and is thrown out in less than twenty seconds. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron again but can’t get him out. Booker T, complete with the stupid remix of his theme music with Booker singing, is #11. Booker immediately goes after Steiner in a revisiting of their WCW feud that no one was asking for.

Nothing of note happens until Kane is #12. This is after he buried Taker alive. For the first time. Steiner gets dumped by Booker during Kane’s entrance. Kane starts firing off chokeslams and other various power moves for which he is well known. The clock runs down at #13 and there go the lights. A gong goes off and Kane PANICS. Booker uses the distraction to dump Kane and here’s Spike Dudley at #13. He never makes it to the ring as Kane destroys him for setting off the gong.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

A-Train is #16 and goes right for Rikishi. Benoit avoids the yet to be named Carbon Footprint and dumps Morgan. I love that they’re keeping the ring from getting full. Orton dumps Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin is #17. Benoit dumps A-Train during his entrance and Orton dumps Shelton a few seconds later to get us back to two. Orton pounds on him a bit but they crack heads to put both guys down.

Lamont, the announcer for Ernest Miller (complete with the music that would go to Brodus Clay eight years later), runs out to introduce the Cat at #18. After some dancing (and singing by Tazz), Orton dumps him out. Miller would be released in like two weeks. Kurt Angle is #19 and he might be a bit harder to get out. He’s fighting for AMERICA here so the fans tell him he sucks.

Benoit and Angle destroy each other with chops and punches as only they can while Orton is content to chill in the corner. Rico, now in his Adrian Street phase, is #20. He fires off some kicks but lasts about as long as you would expect him to in a match with Orton, Angle and Benoit. The RKO takes care of Rico as Benoit rolls a ton of Germans on Angle. Test is #21…..and is nowhere in sight.

Orton RKO’s Angle and we cut to the back to see Test unconscious. Austin sees someone off camera and says they’re #21. The off camera man and presumable attacker: MICK FREAKING FOLEY! Orton, the guy who spat in Foley’s face and called him a coward, PANICS. The place goes nuts and Foley explodes on Orton, beating him half to death and hitting a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them out. This would lead to some AWESOME matches at Mania and Backlash which put Orton up to the world title in August.

Foley keeps beating on Orton as Christian is #22. Mick picks up the steps and BLASTS a security guy who tries to stop him. Orton comes back with two chair shots and fires back at Mick. They brawl up the ramp and Foley pulls out Socko, only to put it on Nunzio who comes in at #23. We haven’t seen anything of the match for awhile but I can live with that for a hot brawl like this. Orton kicks Foley low and runs as we go back to the ring.

Angle is getting double teamed as Nunzio is down on the floor. Big Show is #24 and apparently that’s Tazz’s pick. Thankfully he’s in the singlet and shorts again instead of the one piece swimsuit. Angle immediately goes after him but Show throws everyone around. Jericho is #25 as he’s in a weird phase of his career. He wasn’t a main event guy anymore but he had feuded with everyone in the midcard already so he just kind of hung around and filled in spots on the card.

All four guys go after Big Show (who has a head like a typewriter according to Tazz) but they can’t get him out. Charlie Haas is #26 but gets double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Currently we have Benoit, Angle, Jericho, Christian, Haas, Big Show and Nunzio who is on the floor. Jericho backdrops Christian out for the second year in a row as Billy Gunn is #27. Apparently this is a return for him. It’s Fameassers all around and then things slow down again.

John Cena is #28 and that pop is growing at an alarming rate. Show stares him down so Cena throws Nunzio in to kill some time. Nunzio goes after Show for some reason but Cena takes over for him to make it fair. RVD is #29 to a big pop of his own. It’s spin kicks all around until things settle down a bit. There’s an FU to Angle and Goldberg is #30. The final group: Benoit, Angle, Big Show, Jericho, Nunzio, Haas, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. At least the ring didn’t fill up until the end so that’s not too bad.

Goldie spears a lot of people down to start before Nunzio jumps on his back like an idiot. Haas is put out and Nunzio takes a HUGE spear. Gunn is out as is Nunzio to get us down to seven. Goldberg loads up a Jackhammer on Show but Lesnar runs in with an F5 to break it up. Goldberg stares down Brock, allowing Angle to dump him out. All five remaining guys not named Big Show go after the one named Big Show but it still doesn’t work.

Everyone hits their finishers on Show instead with Cena (Show’s feud at the time) hitting the Shuffle instead of the FU, which I’m assuming they were saving for Mania. They try to dead lift Show and realize they screwed up by knocking a giant unconscious. Show shoves them all off and dumps Cena followed by Van Dam a few seconds later.

So it’s Big Show, Benoit, Angle and Jericho as the final four. Jericho gets sent to the apron twice and manages to hang on before bulldogging Show down. The Walls go on Show and he taps but Angle breaks the hold up for no apparent reason. Show chokeslams Benoit down but chokeslams Jericho even further, sending him to the floor to get us to three. A side slam puts Angle down and there’s another chokeslam to Benoit.

Show breaks up a German attempt from Angle but can’t block an Angle Slam. There’s a Slam to Benoit (it was a belly to back suplex but whatever) and the ankle lock to Show. Show taps again, but again it doesn’t mean anything. The big guy rolls through the hold and eliminates Angle in the process, getting us down to two.

Benoit dropkicks Show but knocks him back into the ring by mistake. A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface and Show taps again, but you know the drill by now. Show shrugs it off and picks Benoit up in a chokeslam. Benoit graps a front chancery though and pulls Show to the apron….then has him teetering on the ropes…..AND BENOIT WINS! The crowd kept getting louder as Benoit pulled further and further. Awesome sequence there.

Rating: A. There were some slow spots but this was ALL about Benoit and I can’t complain about that at all. The ending sequence here with all three submission guys making Show tap was a cool idea and different than the ending to any other Rumble. They didn’t throw a stupid curve here and made Benoit look like a star here, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Great Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is really REALLY good but the rest is horrible. Don’t watch the rest of the show, but if you’re a Benoit fan and can still sit through a long match of his, this is absolutely required viewing. Things would change a bit more the next year as two REALLY big names would be the stars of the Rumble, but that’s not for another year. For now, this was all about Benoit and he nailed it.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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A classic case of overthinking it.

Oh man I’m torn on this one. On one hand, this could be the one that completely steals the show and makes Rollins into an even bigger star than he was before. On the other hand, GOOD FREAKING GRIEF HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO SCREW THIS MATCH UP SO BADLY??? I’ve been in awe over the horrible botching they’ve done with the build to this match because it really should have been the easiest thing in the world.

Think back to Fast Lane where Orton returned and cleaned house on the Authority but Rollins escaped. That right there was all they needed to do, but since this is modern WWE, they managed to completely overthink it and ruin the whole thing. Instead of Orton, who has been built up as a guy that can snap at a moment’s notice for years, going into Apex Predator mode and hunting his way through the Authority to get his hands on Rollins, he joined them after beating them up to get his hands on Rollins instead.

A few weeks back Orton tried to explain the whole thing and it just didn’t make sense. It came off like damage control, which really shouldn’t be needed for a match like this. Like I said, this should have been Orton coming back, saying Rollins tried to end his career and trying to end Rollins’ career (or take his briefcase) as payback. But that would have meant Stephanie didn’t get to add Orton’s balls to her collection so instead, this is what we got.

The match itself should be entertaining as both guys have a tendency to rise up like few others can when they’re given the chance on the big stages. Orton has almost always had sleeper matches in the midcard which surprised a lot of people (he dragged KANE to a good match a few years back. Even Cena had issues doing that) and Rollins is someone who can work well against anyone and has established himself as a main event caliber guy.

The more I think about it, the more I’m going with Rollins. Orton already got his big beatdown segment, so it would be pretty anti-climatic to have him just beat Rollins up again and then pin him after the RKO. Since this isn’t going to be a gimmick match (because the calendar says we can only have those next month), there’s really no reason to have Orton go all psycho again here and get his revenge. Also, it would be nice to see Rollins get the big win, especially if he’s going to cash in later in the night (more on that later).

This match has the potential to be the best worked match on the card, as Orton always gets a reaction and the Stooges have been awesome as Seth’s inept backup. I’m thinking they offer a distraction and Rollins gets the big Curb Stomp for the win, as there’s really no logical reason for Orton to go over here…..and that probably should swing my vote to the other side shouldn’t it? I’ll stick with Rollins in one of the few matches I’m looking forward to, really stupid build (imagine that on this show) aside.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Smackdown
Date: February 5, 2015
Location: World Arena, Colorado Spring, Colorado
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton

This week’s Raw changed a lot of things about the Fast Lane and potentially Wrestlemania cards. The big story was Daniel Bryan defeating Seth Rollins to earn a shot against Roman Reigns at Fast Lane with the winner facing Brock Lesnar for the World Title at Wrestlemania. This is due to the Rock interfering in the Royal Rumble when Rusev was still involved and somehow was announced without ever mentioning Rusev’s name. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the “earth shaking” announcement from Raw. Rusev is still not mentioned by the Authority. That’s downright impressive. Bryan pinning Rollins to earn the shot is shown as well.

Opening sequence.

It’s time for MizTV with special guests Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. Miz has Mizdow sit at ringside to further his new role as assistant. The fans of course want Mizdow and Miz says they have him, sitting outside where he belongs. The guests come out and Reigns lays out Miz with a Superman Punch before anything can be said. Well that’s one way to make fans like him. Reigns grabs the mic and says he went through 29 wrestlers to get here and he’ll go through one more to go to Wrestlemania. Wouldn’t it be one of them again since Bryan was in the Rumble?

Reigns is going to go to Wrestlemania by beating Bryan at Fast Lane but they should just do it right here. Bryan is game but here are Rollins and the Stooges to interrupt. Seth blames Reigns for taking his spot in the main event of Wrestlemania but he’ll get there one day on his own, even though Reigns is scared to face him one on one. As per the Authority, Bryan will be in action tonight against himself and the Stooges.

Post break Miz says he should be in the main event of Wrestlemania instead and wants to fight Roman tonight.

Goldust/Stardust vs. Ryback/Dolph Ziggler

Thankfully they come out to Ziggler’s music this time. An inset interview from Ziggler and Ryback says for Goldust and Stardust, it’s too bad that they’re too good. Stardust jumps over Goldust to start for the team and is quickly slammed down by Ryback. Off to Ziggler who gets two off a dropkick and brings Ryback in again to hammer on Stardust even more. Ziggler drops the big elbow (after a quick strut) and Ryback follows with the splash for two. Stardust tells Goldust he has this and we take a break.

Back with Goldust choking Ryback on the ropes before it’s back to Stardust for a front facelock. Ryback finally backdrops Goldust out to the floor and punches Stardust out of the air, allowing the hot tag to Ziggler. Things speed up and the running DDT gets two on Stardust. The Disaster Kick drops Ziggler and Goldust wants a tag, calling his brother Cody again. He tags in by smacking Stardust in the head, causing Cody to walk out. The solo Goldust walks into a Shell Shock for the pin at 9:14.

Rating: D+. You know, I kind of wish these teams would just split in a hurry instead of doing these weeks long drawn out buildups to the big showdown. It should be an interesting match and feud, but again I’d like to know who else they have to fill out the division, which is currently about three teams deep. Maybe it’s Ryback and Ziggler, who aren’t the worst combination in the world and at least they have something in common.

Ernie Ladd Black History Month video.

Curtis Axel vs. Dean Ambrose

Axel uses the “don’t change the channel” line again, which is somewhere between brilliant and depressing. He wants everyone to join the movement and of course he has a hashtag for it. Curtis tries to jump Dean to start and gets stomped down into the corner for his efforts. He spins Dean around in the corner and hammers at the back but makes the mistake of sending Dean outside. As he throws Dean back in, Ambrose comes back out with a dropkick to the face, setting up the rebound lariat. Dirty Deeds is good for the pin at 2:44 after Axel got in far more offense than I was expecting.

Barrett pops up on screen with the BNZ: Bad News Zone. The bad news this week: Ambrose is much too insane to receive a title shot.

Fandango vs. Adam Rose

The Trust Fall fails and Rose blames the Rosebuds for doing it on purpose. That earns the hot dog a right hand and kick to the knee in something I never thought I would have to type. Fandango pulls him inside and chops Rose in the corner, only to get stomped down in the corner for his efforts. A belly to back suplex onto the apron has Fandango in even more trouble. Back in and Fandango hits a spinwheel kick, yells to the crowd like a good guy would, and drops the guillotine legdrop (finally named the Last Dance) for the pin at 2:07. Fandango was wrestling entirely like a face here.

Miz vs. Roman Reigns

They’re flying through these matches tonight. Miz gets in a good line before the match with “You want to headline Wrestlemania? Come face someone who actually did it.” That’s Miz’s “I beat the Rock and Austin in the same night.” He knocks Reigns off the apron during the entrances and sends Reigns into the steps. Roman says ring the bell and Miz pounds away as soon as he can. Reigns ducks his head for a backdrop and gets kicked in the face, so he opts for just running Miz over with a shoulder.

After a quick beating on the floor, Miz comes back inside with even more left hands as he’s come to play. Cole says a loss here would really hurt Roman Reigns. Like the one on Monday where Big Show beat him in less than three minutes? Or is that an exception because it’s Big Show who is in fact big? Miz puts on a neck crank followed by a chinlock but charges into a big clothesline. The low DDT is countered into a bearhug and then a Samoan drop, setting up the spear to pin Miz at 5:47.

Rating: C-. This was much better than I was expecting with Miz having more fire in him than I’ve seen in years. It’s also a good idea to have Reigns have to come from behind instead of just running people over, especially over former World Champions. Yeah Miz is on the low end of that list, but it’s better than beating up jobbers or Kane all over again. Also at the end of the day, it’s not Big Show, meaning it’s a better match by definition.

Rusev vs. Erick Rowan

Non-title. They slug it out to start with Rowan kicking him in the face as a huge USA chant starts up. A shoulder sends Rusev outside but he scores with a spinwheel kick back inside to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Rowan clubs him down and beals Rusev across the ring. A middle rope back elbow to the jaw drops Rusev again but Rowan gets kicked off the ropes. The Accolade makes Rowan tap at 3:20.

Rating: D. Standard brawl here to make Rusev look good by beating up Cena’s…..buddy I guess? I mean who remembers Rowan helping to steal the souls of children last summer or whatever you call it? After all, they had a 45 second chat that one time on Raw and those things bury all hatchets. This was your run of the mill Rusev match.

We look at the Bellas putting spray tanner on Paige from Monday. Somehow this is the most interesting feud in the division in months.

Paige was actually embarrassed on Monday because she isn’t your standard Diva. She’s also not a conformist and the Bellas will be the embarrassed ones at Fast Lane. Not a bad thirty second promo, especially given what she has to work with.

Paige vs. Alicia Fox

In case you didn’t get enough of it on Raw. Paige erupts on her to start and hammers on Fox, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The Bellas are watching in the back as Fox sends Paige outside. Back in and the northern lights suplex gets two on Paige and it’s time for the chinlock.

Saxton says the Bellas have been the faces of the Divas division for the better part of seven years. That would make my soul hurt if it was actually true, but I think Laycool, Mickie James, Kelly, Melina, AJ and even Paige might have a bit to say about that, especially given that before this title reign, the Bellas had combined to hold titles for about two and a half months in those seven years. Anyway, Paige fights up and hits a dropkick, setting up PTO for the win at 2:32.

We go to the double date with Jimmy Uso/Naomi and Natalya/Kidd, but Tyson thought he’d be coming with Cesaro because they’re partners. Natalya facepalms and eats at the same time while Cesaro and Kidd say FACT at the same time. Naomi yells at Natalya for being rude and letting her husband be a jerk. Jimmy doesn’t like what Kidd says about Naomi and gets knocked out by Cesaro. Natalya blames Jimmy and Naomi.

Network/Fast Lane hype.

Bray Wyatt says a man is defined by his actions but he is no man. He is the reaper, so what makes you think your actions towards him mean nothing? You are blinded by your pride and the devil is knocking on your door. He just wants you to come home, so just let him in. Let him in. Let Bray in.

Daniel Bryan vs. Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury/Seth Rollins

Mercury offers a test of strength to start but gets kicked in the leg instead. Daniel rides him on the mat with ease so it’s off to Noble to get abused as well. A cross armbreaker sends Noble running to the ropes and it’s off to Rollins for a smattering of applause before the YOU SOLD OUT chants begin. A dropkick puts Seth down but he gets Bryan into the corner for the triple team. Back to Noble as the announcers recap Wrestlemania from last year. Rollins takes Bryan outside and sends him into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Bryan getting German suplexed for no cover. Seth does Brock’s bounce before throwing another German suplex. The Stooges take turns stomping away with Noble throwing some shadow punches. Mercury gets two off a dropkick (people might forget how young the Stooges really are. Noble is the older of the two and is only 38. This is hardly Patterson and Brisco II) before Seth comes in for some cocky stomping.

Daniel fights up for a double cross body to put both guys down. Back up and Seth sends him into the buckle to take over again but makes the mistake of setting up the Triple Bomb out of the corner. Bryan counters into a hurricanrana and Daniel speeds things up. A top rope double dropkick puts the Stooges down and it’s time for rotating YES Kicks. Bryan clotheslines Rollins to the floor and throws Noble out with him, setting up the YES Lock for the submission on Mercury at 13:58.

Rating: C. This was fine and again it helps that the Stooges are still more than capable of having a passable match. Considering they’re wrestling in business casual clothing, this wasn’t too bad. Bryan winning here makes sense and there’s no need to have him pin Rollins again. As I said in the Wyatts’ feud against Cena (before it was resolved with one of those 45 second backstage chats), a good villain needs lackeys for situations like this one.

Post match Kane comes out and beats down Bryan because THIS FEUD WILL NOT FREAKING DIE ALREADY. Bryan gets a big beating to end the show, including a chokeslam and curb stomp. There is no reason for Kane and Bryan to keep fighting, especially after last week.

Overall Rating: C. This show was rolling along to a decent rating and then they do this stupid thing again where they can’t just let a feud end and move on to ANYTHING else because for some reason, writers in WWE don’t get that it’s ok to end a story at some point. There’s no reason for this thing to keep going but they’re just going to keep it going because they have no idea where else to go with Kane.

Unfortunately, this show felt like an old Friday night episode of the show with nothing really interesting and a decent match here and there. It’s not bad or anything, but at least they had the two most important names featured here. At the end of the day, any show that doesn’t have Cena on it all the time doesn’t feel like a major show. The company really does revolve around him and you can notice when he’s gone.

Results

Dolph Ziggler/Ryback b. Goldust/Stardust – Shell Shock to Goldust

Dean Ambrose b. Curtis Axel – Dirty Deeds

Fandango b. Adam Rose – Last Dance

Roman Reigns b. Miz – Spear

Rusev b. Erick Rowan – Accolade

Paige b. Alicia Fox – PTO

Daniel Bryan b. Seth Rollins/Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury – YES Lock to Mercury

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Is it a bird? Or a plane? Maybe a frog? Not bird nor plane nor even frog. It’s the Hurricane!

Shane Helms got his start in the Carolinas along with the Hardys way back in 1991. That’s a hard era to find footage of though and since Helms has actually done a lot in his career, we’re going to jump ahead to 2000 with Shane part of 3 Count. From Uncensored 2000.

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

Here’s a bit better match at New Blood Rising.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

This would open about 19 Thunders in a row. Tank Abbott is their Rikishi and dances with them. Ok to be fair, this was freaking hilarious. The only Dragon that is known is the masked one who would become Jamie Knoble. Three Count has one guy that meant nothing, Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. This is a double ladder match where the Dragons are trying to get a recording contract so 3 Count can’t record again and 3 Count is trying to get their gold record back.

You have to tag here and it’s a ladder match. They stack up a ladder in the corner and do a ton of stuff with that. Both teams hit a springboard Doomsday Device as this is a fun match but you can tell nothing is ever going to go anywhere. Noble does a HUGE dive off the ladder to the floor. Oh and Yang cut his hair and became the resident redneck on Smackdown. This isn’t bad but it’s certainly is entertaining.

And then 3 Count stops to dance. Jamie hits a nice rana and the other two hit a double splash off the ladders. Jamie gets the record but it’s not over yet. Abbott gets the record and we keep going a bit more. I’d love to hear the explanation to a record company that they lost their contract in a professional wrestling ladder match. Kaz and Helms sprint up the ladders but Abbott shoves both guys over. Karagis climbs up and gets the contract. Soon after Jamie would be unmasked and Karagis would team up to become a third team. Abbott leaves with the contract and record.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here although it made limited sense with the whole double prize thing but that’s WCW for you. These six guys would open just about every show there was without ever getting anywhere at all for it and while the matches were solid, people just got sick of seeing them. I know I did.

Little six man match from Fall Brawl 2000.

3 Count vs. Misfits in Action

The Misfits here are Sgt. AWOL (The Wall who most of you likely don’t remember) Lieutenant Loco (Chavo) and Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux). The band has a new song here that likely could have been a decent hit if sung by a “legit” band, which is either great or scary. The idea of the Misfits was that they were guys that were thrown out of storylines by Russo so they banded together as their only way to have a chance. That works well enough.

And yes, 3 Count gets a match against someone not named the Jung Dragons. Two of the boy band members are Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. The third sucks. We hear about Duggan giving the flag and board to General Rection (Hugh Morrus) and will be in his corner tonight. Yeah I’m sure this isn’t going to go badly at all for Rection.

This is a pretty basic match but it’s not bad. They’re just kind of filling in time as these matches aren’t going to mean anything past tonight anyway. The idea here is that the band is scared to death of AWOL so they’re going to try to keep him out. Simple story but it works. Leroux was a lot better than he was given credit for. I might even stretch to say he was pretty good.

He hits a springboard X Factor to get the hot tag to AWOL who cleans house. Moore hits a nice flip to put Cajun down and we let the high spots loose. AWOL gets knocked through a table (his signature thing) but not before holding Moore up off the ground purely by his hair. Everything goes insane and Leroux hits Helms with what we would more or less call Cradle Shock for the pin. They get a standing ovation for it and that’s what they deserved.

Rating: B. I REALLY liked this. There was no interference, there was nothing completely insane, the effort was there and the wrestling was there. What a shock that when you put all this together, you get a good match. Worst thing is I can more or less guarantee this is the high point of the show.

3 Count split up soon after this and Helms became a big deal in the Cruiserweight division. Here’s hit title shot at Greed.

Cruiserweight Title: Shane Helms vs. Chavo Guerrero

They put the wrong graphic up for the match just to show how inept they were here. Helms and Guerrero were more or less perfect in this division at this time so this should rock. Helms has his own rap song and his own dance team called the Sugar Babies. He’s Sugar Shane Helms if that clears up anything else. He also has an awesome finisher called the Vertebreaker.

They start off rather slowly with Shane being a fast paced guy and Chavo being more of a Dean Malenko style guy. Very nice technical and mat basted stuff gets us to a standoff. Shane is a heel here I think but it’s not exactly clear. Regal Stretch, which is different than the STFU, by Chavo and Helms is in trouble.

Chavo takes over and apparently he’s the heel. It’s not a good sign when about halfway through this match and I’m just getting that. Huge dive to the floor gets no reaction. I don’t get this crowd: they just don’t seem to care about anything at all and it’s rather annoying. Shane does some basic stuff to take us back to even and both guys are down. Decent match so far.

Shane keeps kicking out and the Tornado DDT is blocked. Nightmare on Helm Street, the Eye of the Hurricane later on, gets two. Top rope cross body gets two in a cool looking move. Shane did it which I left out somehow. Vertebreaker hits on Chavo to let us hear that rap song again as Shane wins the title which I think was the final title change until the WWE stuff.

Rating: C+. Entertaining match but it never clicked to get it up to that top level. This was pretty good here though although the crowd just flat out did not care. I think you can chalk this up to the company just being dead at this point though. The match was good though, but it just never really got off the ground well enough to be very good. Solid use of about 15 minutes though.

Here’s Helms on Raw, August 27, 2001. Before the match he talked about loving superheroes.

European Title: Hurricane vs. Matt Hardy

This is the debut of the Hurricane superhero character but he has hip hop music still. Matt looks shocked but he clotheslines Hurricane down quickly. Superkick by Helms sets up a top rope cross body for two. There‘s a Russian legsweep by Matt and Hurricane is in trouble. The middle rope leg gets two. A cross body misses for Matt and here‘s Ivory to hit Lita in the knee with a pipe. She hits Matt as well, allowing Hurricane to hit the Eye of the Hurricane to steal the pin and the title. This was really quick.

Helms would pick the Cruiserweight Title up again and defended it at King of the Ring 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.

There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingerie thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.

This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh dang it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???

We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the heck is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going. The main problem here is Nidia.

She won’t freaking shut up and she’s just annoying as all goodness. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.

Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.

Here’s Helms putting over a rookie on Raw, December 2, 2002.

Batista vs. The Hurricane

Flair comes out with Batista. Batista jumps him before the match as the announcers talk about the guest referee. Gee, I wonder who it’ll be between HHH and RVD in a match to decide who faces SHAWN for the title. Hurricane has bad ribs from something not important enough to tell us about. Batista Bomb ends this in about a minute.

Here’s Helms’ reward for that on Raw, March 10, 2003.

The Hurricane vs. The Rock

No DQ. This is during Rock’s last heel run, right before he was to face Austin for the third time at Wrestlemania. Rock tells Hurricane to bring it and the masked man hammers away with right hands to send Rock out to the floor. Hurricane follows him out to hammer away, only to walk into a Samoan drop back inside. Rock puts on the cape for a cool visual and nails Hurricane with a clothesline. He chokes on the ropes and jogs around the ring like the pompous jerk that he is.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Hurricane fights up and grabs a running neckbreaker. JR is Hurricane’s biggest cheerleader here like a face announcer is supposed to be. Some more clotheslines and a slow motion enziguri (called a Shining Wizard by JR) staggers Rock and a high cross body gets two. There’s a Blockbuster for the same and Rock is in trouble. Back up and Rock nails the DDT before nipping up a split second later.

The Rock Bottom is countered but Rock fires off more right hands. A low blow breaks Rock’s momentum and Hurricane nails a Rock Bottom of his own. It’s only a delayed two though and Rock plants him with the spinebuster. Rock hits the second rope for the elbow but here’s Austin for the distraction, allowing Hurricane to grab a rollup for the huge upset.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much but I’ve been wanting to get to this one for awhile. It’s a sad way to end Rock’s career as a main event guy. I know he was getting closer to Hollywood and all that, but this loss just ended any mainstream appeal that he had and he was lucky to get a supporting role in a B-Movie after this.

So we’ll mov…..wait a second. That’s not exactly what happened is it? Upon a bit more research, Rock is considered one of the biggest stars in the history of wrestling, went on to become a huge star in Hollywood and would headline three more Wrestlemanias (Rock vs. Austin was the main event of Wrestlemania XIX. It just was.), including one of the highest drawing shows in the history of wrestling.

BUT HE JUST LOST TO THE HURRICANE! Yes he did, and almost no one remembers it, because three weeks later he was hitting three Rock Bottoms on Steve Austin to finally defeat him at Wrestlemania before facing Goldberg and moving on to Hollywood, only to come back for a huge match at Wrestlemania XX.

The point of the story is simple: big stars don’t lose their star power by losing a single match. This was Rock giving Hurricane a huge rub for multiple reasons. Besides the pin of course, the key thing here was Rock SELLING for Hurricane. This wasn’t Rock destroying Hurricane and barely breaking a sweat before Hurricane got a fluke pin. Instead, Rock’s eyes were rolling back in his head and he was making the kickouts look like some of the hardest things he had ever had to do.

It didn’t really make Hurricane a star, but it was Rock not having an ego and putting someone over. Today, Hurricane would be considered the biggest joke in the world and would probably get beaten down after the match was over. Why? Because Heaven forbid someone new gets to look like a star thanks to a rub for a huge name.

We’ll jump ahead again to Hurricane in a tag team with Rosey. Here’s a one off non-title match at Backlash 2004.

La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

This is what we call a filler match to bring the crowd back down. It isn’t even for a title. Conway and Hurricane start and the crowd goes almost completely silent. A headscissors takes Conway down and it’s off to Rosey. That’s really only so he can throw at Conway and it’s back to the storm guy.

Conway hits a swinging neckbreaker and powerslam before tagging in Grenier. Grenier puts on a powerslam and here’s Eugene. Hurricane tags Rosey as Eugene plays with the flags. Rosey misses a corner splash but Hurricane dives on both French dudes on the floor. Eugene runs the ropes but does nothing else. Eye of the Huricane gets the pin on Grenier.

Rating: D+. The match could have and probably should have been on Raw, but dang I always feel sorry for the people in this match. They know no one is really interested in seeing them out there but they have to go out and work a match anyway, which no one wants to see and that no one is going to talk about, but they do it anyway. This was fine and Eugene didn’t add or subtract anything.

Here’s a one off match from Raw, November 1, 2004.

Hurricane vs. Christian

This is a result of some sneak attack by Christian recently. About five seconds into the match, here’s Edge (I believe debuting Metalingus (the Alter Bridge song)) to promote his book as the match is going on. Hurricane has a headlock on Christian as Edge talks about how he doesn’t like Peoria. It wasn’t nice of those people to not vote him in at Taboo Tuesday but he’ll write an epilogue for that later. JR seems annoyed so Edge offers him a signed copy. The match is nothing and the camera is mostly on Edge during this.

The team would win the Raw Tag Team Titles on May 1, 2005 at Backlash. Here’s their first defense from the next night on Raw.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

Hurricane and Rosey won the belts last night in tag team turmoil. Rosey gets jumped before the match starts and the fat man gets to start with Grenier. A Hart Attack gets two on Rosey and it’s off to Conway. Back to Grenier for nothing of note and it’s back to Conway. Rosey breaks free and it’s off to Hurricane. No one is responding to any of this at all. A top rope rana gets two on Grenier and Conway is sent to the floor. A side slam/Eye of the Hurricane combo gets the pin on Grenier to retain.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this other than filling in time? The answer to that would be nothing, as it was nothing but filler. These four guys were in the horrible spot on the card as they had to be thrown out there in between the major matches and had to fill in time. That’s a horrible spot to be in but at least they got on the show which is more than Hurricane and Rosey would do for a long time.

We’ll jump ahead to New Year’s Revolution 2006 for a bad choice for a match with Helms now a heel.

Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms

This is more or less the same thing that they did with Hassan last year as they were just giving Helms this to get him over as a cruiserweight trying to fight heavyweight guys. Apparently Lawler said Helms sucked and he got slapped or vice versa, and I think it was the original. I love how Coach tries to act like he means something. The idea worked as I want to smack him already but then again I always do.

Helms is mostly dominating here so at least they’ve got that working right. In a funny line, Coach says he isn’t sure which chin Helms is grabbing. Helms pulls a Rock and does his own commentary in the match as this is going a bit long. Uh oh it’s strap time and here comes Lawler.

They say his fists are moving like pistons. That’s just amusing in general. Lawler shouts out piledriver and somehow Helms counters it. I wonder how he figured out what to do? And Lawler hits the middle rope punch….FOR THE PIN??? WHAT IN THE FLYING HECK WAS THAT???

Rating: F. Seriously, there is ZERO justification to put Lawler over clean here as this isn’t in Memphis. No way is this ok at all. This was a failure plain and simple. Not from a wrestling perspective but from a booking and thinking one. Helms deserves far better than this and it’s not fair to see this happen to him.

Better times would come later in the month at the 2006 Royal Rumble.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Here’s a title defense at Judgment Day 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy

Helms is in the middle of his year plus title reign and this is just another title defense. Crazy is part of the Mexicools here so he’s on a lawn mower because….well just because. An Arizona Diamondback is here. We get a Smokey Robinson reference for no apparent reason at all. Jackknife cover gets two for Crazy as does another rollup. La Majistrol gets two.

Crazy sends him to the floor with a clothesline and sets for a dive. Nick Patrick stops it so Crazy uses him for a springboard to dive anyway. LET THE ECW CHANTS RING!!! And never mind as a hot shot gets two for Helms as does a neckbreaker. Remember that whole “this is just a TV match” from the previous match? That isn’t the case here. This is the very different LONG TV match.

Suplex by Crazy gets no cover as we go back to more holds on the mat. Off to the chinlock as we hear about Crazy winning a triple threat to get here. No word on opponents or anything but I guess they don’t matter. Rollup gets two for Crazy as the fans are mostly deceased. Elbow misses for the champion and Crazy fights back a bit. For a guy named SUPER CRAZY he’s really not that insane.

Missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses as does the Shining Wizard for the champion. Spinwheel kick gets two as we’re totally killing time here. Helms gets about his 8^th neckbreaker of the match for two. Helms finally gets a snake eyes and rollup with his feet on the ropes to end this.

Rating: D+. Rather boring match here as Super Crazy becomes the Scott Steiner of the Cruiserweights. What I mean by that is he used to be good and at this point he’s doing nothing but living off past glory with the same name and one or two of the same moves that are signature things. Nothing of note here at all and a rather weak match.

And a non-title match at Great American Bash 2006.

Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms

Helms is Cruiserweight Champion but this is non-title because Matt is overweight. The fans are all behind him though so at least he has that going for him. Matt grabs an armdrag and it’s a standoff. They go to the mat with Hardy in control. Back up and it’s a standoff but Matt strikes a Hurricane pose to crack everyone up. Rollup gets two for Hardy. Helms grabs a swinging neckbreaker for two and control.

Another neckbreaker gets the same and let’s hit that chinlock. Matt fights up and hits a punch to the ribs of a jumping Helms. Russian legsweep sets up an attempted Side Effect but Helms escapes. He goes up and gets crotched so Matt tries a superplex. The more famous of them is crotched also so Helms hits a top rope swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down.

It eventually gets two as Matt throws his foot on the rope. Greg works on the neck some more and goes into a chinlock again. He shifts that over to a Pedigree position on the mat so he can ram some knees into Matt’s face. Back up and they slug it out. Side Effect gets two for Matt. Bulldog gets two. Twist of Fate is countered (probably due to him standing there before trying it) into…..uh…..the best I can think of is a Killswitch if Matt was facing up and Helms was a bit off to the side. I’ve never seen that before. Either way it gets two.

Shining Wizard misses but the second attempt hits for two. Helms sets for a belly to back superplex but Matt hits some elbows and OH MY GOODNESS THE HUMANITY!!!! Matt hit a moonsault press and I’m sure Helms is dead. I mean….the fat that must have just landed on him. Anyway Matt drops an elbow on the top of the head for two. Matt pounds away in the corner but a snake eyes drop into the buckle plus some tights are enough for Helms to get the pin.

Rating: C-. The first seven minutes or so were really bad but after that this got a lot better. The innovative stuff from Helms is always worth seeing. They were trying to make him seem like something more than just a Cruiserweight and it was kind of working before he broke his neck in May of next year and was out for about 15 months.

Helms wouldn’t do much for the next few months before undergoing neck surgery and missing a year and a half. He would come back in a dual role of ace reporter Gregory Helms and of course the Hurricane. ECW’s Paul Burchill wanted to prove Hurricane’s real identity, leading to a mask vs. career match on ECW, November 17, 2009.

Paul Burchill vs. The Hurricane

Burchill has Katie Lea (Winter) with him. Feeling out process to start and Hurricane arm drags him to the floor. Hurricane sends him to the floor again and it’s time for a chinlock. Katie trips Hurricane so that Burchill can hit a Saito Suplex to take over. Back from a break with Burchill controlling via a chinlock. Burchill pounds on him in the corner but Hurricane avoids a charge. They slug it out with Hurricane taking over. A Hurri-press and clothesline take Burchill down for two.

Eye of the Hurricane is broken up though and a kick to the face gets two for Paul. Another Eye attempt is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. Hurricane hits a rana for two but Katie distracts him again and a powerslam gets two for Burchill. A suplex is reversed into the Eye of the Hurricane but it only gets two. Hurricane goes up again but gets crotched. Burchill tries to suplex him to the floor but Hurricane counters into a swinging neckbreaker off the top for the pin. It was more exciting than it sounds here.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty fun match as Burchill kept getting frustrated but he never could put Hurricane away. The neckbreaker off the top was a big enough move to end things, but it felt kind of flat as it hit and that was it instead of building to a bigger climax for the pin. Still good though.

We’ll wrap it up there as Helms was released soon after this and has hit the indies since then. Helms is one of those guys that is a good hand at what he does and that’s all someone like him needs to be. He came up with a good character which hasn’t been done very well before and he made a good career on charisma and talent. That’s a rare thing but something i for someone to be able to do.

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Today we’re looking at another small guy: Jamie Noble.

Noble started in late 1999 so we’ll pick things up at the 3^rd Annual Brian Pillman Memorial Show in 2000.

HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San

HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.

Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.

Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.

The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.

We’ll hit some WCW now, starting at New Blood Rising with Jamie as Jamie-San of the Jung Dragons.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

This would open about 19 Thunders in a row. Tank Abbott is their Rikishi and dances with them. Ok to be fair, this was freaking hilarious. The only Dragon that is known is the masked one who would become Jamie Knoble. Three Count has one guy that meant nothing, Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. This is a double ladder match where the Dragons are trying to get a recording contract so 3 Count can’t record again and 3 Count is trying to get their gold record back.

You have to tag here and it’s a ladder match. They stack up a ladder in the corner and do a ton of stuff with that. Both teams hit a springboard Doomsday Device as this is a fun match but you can tell nothing is ever going to go anywhere. Noble does a HUGE dive off the ladder to the floor. Oh and Yang cut his hair and became the resident redneck on Smackdown. This isn’t bad but it’s certainly is entertaining.

And then 3 Count stops to dance. Jamie hits a nice rana and the other two hit a double splash off the ladders. Jamie gets the record but it’s not over yet. Abbott gets the record and we keep going a bit more. I’d love to hear the explanation to a record company that they lost their contract in a professional wrestling ladder match. Kaz and Helms sprint up the ladders but Abbott shoves both guys over. Karagis climbs up and gets the contract. Soon after Jamie would be unmasked and Karagis would team up to become a third team. Abbott leaves with the contract and record.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here although it made limited sense with the whole double prize thing but that’s WCW for you. These six guys would open just about every show there was without ever getting anywhere at all for it and while the matches were solid, people just got sick of seeing them. I know I did.

And another ladder match at Starrcade 2000.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Knoble and Karagias

There’s a lot to get through here. This is a three team ladder match but the winner is gets a Cruiserweight Title shot against champion Chavo Guerrero, who will be on commentary. I’m very surprised that we haven’t seen Chavo before this as he’s been around since the mid-90s and is a pretty talented guy. He’s also Eddie’s nephew if the name sounds familiar. I’m not sure how the title shot (which is for a later date rather than tonight) is going to work given that a team wins here rather than an individual. It might be a three way dance, it might be a handicap match or it might be whichever team member pulls the contract down.

As for who is who in this match, these six guys used to be on two three man teams who fought each other for the better part of six months without ever advancing up the card at all (nice job WCW). 3 Count is Shane Helms and Shannon Moore and they’re a boy band ala the Backstreet Boys. The Jung Dragons are Kaz Hayashi and Yang and they’re just Japanese guys. Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagias used to team with the Dragons and 3 Count respectively before splitting off and forming their own team.

You have to tag in this match for no apparent reason other than WCW doesn’t get the concept of a match like this. Shannon and Kaz get things going and head to the mat very quickly before slamming into each other and seemingly knocking themselves out for a second. The ever so caring fans think it’s boring because the guys might have concussions and therefore aren’t doing anything for ten seconds.

Back up and Shannon heads for the ladder but Karagias breaks it up before Moore can get there. Off to Yang vs. Helms but everyone says screw the tagging stuff and heads out into the aisle for the ladder. 3 Count pulls a fast one though and pulls out their own ladder with everyone else in the aisle. The Dragons make the save though, only for Knoble and Karagias to take them down and go up, but the Dragons slam the ladder down onto him. Yang adds a moonsault onto the ladder and the Dragons for good measure to get the crowd into the match.

Jamie and Evan set up a ladder on the middle rope before sending Shane face first into the steel. Kaz is dropped head first onto the ladder as well before Noble brings in another ladder. Knoble and Karagias get in an argument over who gets the contract, allowing Yang to take both guys down. Yang puts Shannon on the ladder and catches him diving into a gutbuster. Shane throws Yang to the floor and hits a BIG spinning dive to take both guys down. Kaz dives on Shane and Evan dives on everyone, followed by Shannon diving on everyone plus Evan.

Jamie goes up the ladder but Yang gets back in and shoves the ladder over, sending Jamie down onto the pile of guys at ringside. Yang puts another ladder in the rungs of the standing ladder, making a platform between the ropes and the standing ladder. Evan walks on said platform and catches a springboarding Kaz in a powerslam to the mat. Shannon dives off the platform to take Evan out before Helms hits a neckbreaker to take Knoble off the ladder. Shannon breaks up the platform and puts up another ladder so four people can climb at once.

Knoble powerbombs Shane off one ladder, leaving Shannon and Yang fighting on the top, until Moore hits a neckbreaker to bring Yang down. Jamie goes up but Leia Meow, the Dragons’ mistress, pulls him down. Even brings in a third ladder but Yang shoves him down to the floor. The Dragons load up a big scaffold using four ladders but get knocked down as another brawl breaks out. Kaz kicks Knoble off the scaffold but gets knocked down by Karagias. It’s Helms and Yang on the scaffold now but here come their partners as well. Shannon headscissors Yang down and 3 Count pulls down the contract at the same time.

Rating: B. There’s your match of the night right there. I don’t have to watch the rest of the show and it’s very clear that this isn’t going to be topped. That’s WCW’s problem at the end of the day: these six guys fought FOREVER and never got to move up the card at all. They never fought for the tag titles or a single title other than the Cruiserweight Title or anything like that at all. Instead they were tasked with going out there and tearing the house down while breaking their backs so that the “stars” could get the glory. That’s WCW in a nutshell and it’s a big part of why they went out of business.

Noble would head to WWE and have a Cruiserweight Title shot at King of the Ring 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.

There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingire thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.

This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh dang it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???

We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the heck is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going. The main problem here is Nidia.

She won’t freaking shut up and she’s just annoying. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.

Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.

Title defense from Vengeance 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

At this point, the belt means jack. It’s the guy wins title after being on “an impressive roll as of late”, holds it for like three months while never defending it, another guy goes “on an impressive roll as of late” and normally he wins the title. This would be the first major, and I use that term more loosely than Lita after a bottle of Jack, title defense for Noble though, so there’s more or less no way he loses here.

That and I reviewed the match where he did lose it already so yeah this isn’t in any doubt at all. Wow absolutely no one cares here. We get the line about Noble not being your traditional cruiserweight as he uses a ground based attack and isn’t a high flier. Well duh, he’s a heel champion. Has there ever been a high flier that’s a heel? Only an idiot would book that? Kidman goes up top. I wonder if he’s about to GET READY TO FLY.

I really could not be less interested in this. Yet I’m writing a review of it. There’s something extremely wrong with me I think. How in the world did Noble win the ROH Title for a month? Was that like a massive rib or something? Noble messes up Kidman’s shoulder to try to make people care. To be fair, Kidman gets some pops in there.

Oh some guy named Rey Mysterio debuts Thursday. So four months you got Ortn, Cena, Batista and Mysterio. Not bad. Kidman doesn’t tap to an armbar. Kidman goes for an enziguri. It lands on Noble’s back. Wow this is making my head hurt. Shooting Star misses and Noble rolls him up for two. Noble hits a Tiger Bomb to end this.

Rating: D+. Not bad, but seriously, no one really cared. This just filled in about 8 minutes and wasn’t that good at all. More or less a nothing match that went nowhere at all. Not that it was terrible or anything, but no point at all. That’s the case with way too many cruiserweight matches, but at least they’re not using all of the stories to bog things down.

Jamie would hook up with rival Tajiri for a tag match on Smackdown, September 26, 2002.

Jamie Noble/Tajiai vs. Billy/Chuck

Billy and Chuck are in street clothes. What street that is I’m not sure. Adrian maybe? Billy and Tajiri get started. I don’t remember Tajiri being a heel but he and his partner go after Billy’s knee. Handspring elbow puts Billy down and a big kick gets two. Noble tries to cannonball down onto the leg but Billy kicks him to the floor. Billy still can’t tag as Tajiri knocks Palumbo to the floor. Noble hooks a unique leg lock on Billy’s bad knee.

Can we just watch Torrie slap the mat in that bikini again? Tajiri gets in some shots as we hear about the exclusive contracts between the brands, including Orton being signed to Raw. He was a young cocky heel at this point. I wonder what ever happened to him. Billy manages to get in a kick to Noble and a flapjack allows for the hot tag. Chuck cleans house and tries a powerbomb but Tajiri counters into a victory roll attempt. Chuck holds him in place though and Code Red (Doomsday Device) ends this.

Rating: C. Fine match here and when you throw something together inside of 30 seconds that’s as good as you can ask for. Billy and Chuck had some good chemistry and it worked here. I miss random showdowns like these or the first match and they work pretty well most pf the time, especially when you have talented people in there.

Off to Velocity for the required opponent on January 12, 2003.

Bryan Danielson vs. Jamie Noble

Noble takes him to the mat into a headscissors but Bryan counters into a double arm crank to put Jamie down for two. They trade wristlocks until Danielson takes him down with a headlock. Off to a test of strength with Jamie getting two off a northern lights suplex. A drop toehold puts Danielson throat first into the ropes and a Saito Suplex gets two.

Off to a cross arm choke on Danielson but he slides through Jamie’s legs into a sunset flip for two. We hit the chinlock on Bryan for a bit before he comes back with a running clothesline for two of his own. There’s the backflip out of the corner and Danielson hits a discus forearm to the back of the head. A German suplex gets two on Jamie but he comes back with a quick swinging neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was way better than I was expecting with both guys looking solid out there. Danielson was clearly going to be something special in the future as he was a natural in the ring and moved from one spot to another with ease. It was a surprisingly good match with both guys nailing it.

Jamie decided he wanted Torrie and had a chance to sleep with her if he could beat Billy Gunn at Vengeance 2003.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings a briefcase with his “stuff” in it. They actually open it which is creepy. Jamie’s girlfriend Nidia comes out and is mad at him over this clearly. See the criticisms of soap opera stuff that WWE gets? Noble works on his knee so his regular stuff can’t work. Gunn busts out a random Diamond Cutter for two. Didn’t see that one coming. Noble hooks a DDT from the second rope. I liked that.

Nidia puts his foot on the ropes though since she doesn’t want Torrie sleeping with Noble. That makes sense at least. Both girls beat him up. Billy gets rammed into Torrie and gets rolled up for the pin. Torrie says Holy censored and it’s rather amusing. Cole shouting NOBLE GETS TO SLEEP WITH TORRIE cracked me up. He wants to watch. Oh dear.

Rating: D. Bad match on top of a bad angle doesn’t help. Naturally it didn’t happen and Noble and Gunn started teaming together because it’s professional wrestling and of course it doesn’t make sense. Torrie looked hot though so I can’t complain much there. Still though, stupid angle and a stupid match.

Noble got a Cruiserweight Title shot at Royal Rumble 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Jamie would head to Japan and then ROH for awhile, even beating CM Punk for the ROH World Title in 2005. It wouldn’t last long though and it was back to WWE, including this match at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Back to Velocity on March 11, 2006.

Pitbulls vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Funaki

Kash and Funaki get things going with Kash running him over, only to get caught with a hiptoss. Scotty comes in to work on the arm but it’s quickly off to Noble for a stomping in the corner. A neckbreaker gets two on Hotty and everything starts to break down before it’s back to Jamie for a legdrop.

Kash comes in again but his moonsault hits Scotty’s knees. Scotty dives for the tag and loses his shoe but gets over to Funaki to clean house. A high cross body gets two on Noble but the one shoed Scotty takes Kash down for the Worm. Funaki dropkicks him to the floor but gets caught in a gorilla press gutbuster from Noble for the pin.

Rating: C. Another nice match here with both teams getting to show off a little bit. There’s only so much you can get out of a match between the Pitbulls and Hotty/Funaki but it was a very pleasant surprise. The Pitbulls weren’t a bad team but they were around in a boring stretch for the tag team division.

Speaking of the tag team division, here’s a Tag Team Title shot at Great American Bash 2006.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Pit Bulls

The Bulls are Jamie Noble and Kid Kash. They were a team that was around when I really wasn’t watching Smackdown so this is a new thing for me. London and Kash start us off with Kash taking it to the mat. For some reason we’re talking about the Rock N Roll Express now. Kash keeps running him over so London speeds things up to take over. Off to Kendrick and they use a modified rocket launcher for two.

Kendrick works on the arm and we hear about the Crockett family starting up the Bash in the 80s. Off to Noble who apparently likes having men on the ground. I love wrestling but the gay jokes are really hard to avoid at times. Back to London who keeps Noble’s arm in trouble. This has been one sided so far and Londrick sends them to the floor. You know that means stereo dives.

FINALLY Noble gets in a shot to take over and gets a pair of two counts. Back to Kash who slams Kendrick into the mat by his hair. Kendrick dodges a charge and brings in London. Things speed way up and we talk about Ivan Putski. They go to the apron and London tries to skin the cat, but Noble gets in a shot to the back. I guess this is the official face in peril part.

London may have hurt his back on the way down onto the apron. Noble hooks on a chinlock for a few seconds and there’s a leg lariat for two. The Pit Bulls do some good old fashioned heel tag team work to keep Kendrick out. More double teaming follows but London fights out of the corner. He kicks Noble into Kash but Kash makes the save to break up the tag. Cole says London was minutes away from making the tag. Well at least he was close.

London backflips out of a suplex and falls into Kendrick for the tag. Springboard missile dropkick takes out Kash and things speed WAY up. He hits leg lariats to everyone but Noble makes the save on the cover. Noble tries something like a double underhook piledriver on Kendrick but London saves again. There’s a huge dive to the floor by Kendrick to take out Noble. Kash can’t get the brainbuster to London so Kendrick dives off the top with a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: B-. This match right here has already had more energy in it than the entirety of the previous two shows in this series. Londrick would spend the next 9 months or so as champions which is still the longest tag title reign in the WWE/F in about fifteen years. Very fun tag match with all kinds of old school heel tag work to make things very fun and get the crowd into it.

We’ll jump ahead to Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Off to Smackdown on October 19, 2007.

Jamie Noble vs. Undertaker

Undertaker actually comes out first. Jamie dodges in the corner and hammers away with about as much luck as you would imagine. There’s the chokeslam and the Tombstone is good for the pin.

We’ll jump ahead nearly a year to one of Noble’s last wins, on Raw from September 1, 2008.

Jamie Noble vs. William Regal

Noble wants to date Layla so she’s here too. I don’t remember that pairing very well at all but this brings it back a bit. Granted it’s not exactly the biggest angle of all time. Regal annoyed Layla when she was dancing and Noble saved her so there’s your background. Regal is in his one piece swimsuit attire and he pounds Noble down with ease. A full nelson is easily countered and they trade some rollups for two. Regal punches him in the face to put him down as the beating continues. Out of nowhere, Noble grabs a small package for the quick pin. This was like a minute long.

We’ll wrap it up on ECW on Sci-Fi on February 3, 2009.

Jamie Noble vs. Boogeyman

Noble runs from the bag of worms to start. Boogeyman throws him into the corner but Jamie hammers away with some right hands. A beal sends Jamie out to the floor and a gorilla press sends him back into the ring. Jamie stomps away back inside and a top rope forearm gets two. We hit the chinlock on Boogey but he throws Jamie into the corner to escape. Back up and the pumphandle slam is enough to pin Noble.

Rating: D+. This was a bit better than I was expecting as Boogeyman was getting better around this time. Noble was at his best when he was making someone look better and that’s exactly what he did here. He could bounce around well enough and Boogeyman was strong enough to do all the throws and slams. Not terrible.

Jamie Noble is a guy that was very efficient with what he did and it’s easy to see why he’s an agent today. His stuff in late WCW was really solid stuff with everyone flying around the ring and going insane. Noble wasn’t as good in WWE but he was able to do enough to make the people around him look good.

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