Survivor Series Count-Up – 2005 (2020 Edition): Back When It Meant Something

Survivor Series 2005
Date: November 27, 2005
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s all about Raw vs. Smackdown as the big elimination tag is all that matters around here. That’s in addition to the Raw World Title match, which should be another good but not exactly thrilling showdown. I’m not sure what to expect for most of the show, but that elimination tag is the centerpiece of the show. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence is almost all about Raw vs. Smackdown, as it should be.

Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit

Match #1 in a best of seven series for the vacant US Title. Benoit gets backed into the corner to start and it’s a surprisingly clean break. Booker slams him down but Benoit pops back up for a standoff. Some forearms puts Booker on the floor and we’re still in low first gear. They go to the mat with Benoit easily getting the better of things and cranking on the leg to limited success.

That’s enough for Booker to take another breather on the floor. Back in and Booker elbows him in the face so Benoit hits him with a running forearm. That just earns Benoit a side slam for two and the armbar goes on. Make that an abdominal stretch but Benoit fights out again and hits an elbow. Booker elbows him into the corner and gets two off a neckbreaker.

A reverse chinlock doesn’t last long so Booker goes with the jumping kick to the face instead. Benoit grabs a quick dragon screw legwhip but the Sharpshooter is countered into a small package for two. The rolling German suplexes work a bit better but Sharmell’s distraction delays the Swanton, allowing Booker to roll away. A rollup with feet on the ropes and Sharmell grabbing the leg is enough for Booker to get the pin.

Rating: B. This was better than their Smackdown match as they were able to build things up a bit better. It’s a good way to start off the show, though it’s not like these matches matter all that much until we get to what is more than likely going to be a seventh match. That sounds good in theory, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see the match get a little boring by that point.

Eric Bischoff meets with Vince McMahon in the back and talks about the history of screwjobs at Survivor Series. Tonight, Bischoff Screws Cena. Cue Cena: “So Eric Bischoff screws guys.” Bischoff leaves and Cena shakes Vince’s hand. In a legendary line, Vince: “Keep it up my n****.” Vince struts off as Booker and Sharmell look flabbergasted. I can’t believe this is uncensored on the Network.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending and this is interpromotional after Melina and MNM kidnapped Trish on Raw. Mickie James and Melina are here as well. Trish jumps her to start and sends Melina outside for the big dive onto all three of them. Back in and a hair toss sends Melina down and the headscissors does the same. Melina gets in a knee to the back and a kick to the ribs.

They trade boot chokes in the corner and but Melina goes after Mickie, leaving MNM to try the Snapshot on Trish. That’s broken up by a referee actually paying attention and the two of them are ejected. We hit a modified surfboard, which I’m sure is not just an excuse to put Trish in various positions. The Matrish is broken up with a shot to the ribs for two but the Stratusphere works just fine. Stratusfaction is broken up but Mickie saves Trish from a cheap shot to the back. A top rope bulldog retains the title.

Rating: D+. There was only so much you could do here as there is no secret to the fact that this is setting up Mickie challenging Trish for the title at some point in the future. Melina hadn’t gotten good in the ring yet so for now she’s glorified eye candy who can do a passable match. In other words, she’s a traditional Diva of the era.

We recap HHH vs. Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing match. Flair beat him last month in a cage match so now it’s about ending each other in the way WWE ends people.

HHH vs. Ric Flair

Non-title and Last Man Standing. HHH jumps him in the aisle and the beating is on in a hurry with Flair’s robe and belt being ripped off. Flair gets in a kendo stick to the ribs (Flair using a kendo stick is just wrong) and they head into the crowd with HHH managing to backdrop him back to ringside. A suplex has Flair in more trouble inside and the pace slows a bit.

They go outside again and a screwdriver to the head busts Flair open in a hurry. Back in and some kneedrops make the blood flow even more and it’s already back to the floor. HHH takes too long setting up the announcers’ table though and Flair sends him face first into the steps. A spinebuster on the floor cuts Flair off again though as this has been one hope spot after another with HHH dropping him every time. HHH grabs a microphone to yell but Flair grabs him low.

That earns him a trip into the announcers’ table but Flair backdrops him through the other one in the first really big spot of the match. HHH is up at eight so Flair takes him back inside for some chops. Some right hands put Flair down as well so he hits HHH low to even things up. A chair to the head puts HHH down and Flair bites at the head, followed by a crotching against the post.

The chop block takes HHH down again but the Figure Four is broken up. Flair doesn’t seem to mind as he wraps the knee around the post and smashes it with a chair. NOW the Figure Four can go on and Flair even grabs the rope for a bonus. HHH taps so Flair can claim a bit of a moral victory and the hold is let go. A shot to the face knocks Flair into the corner and the steps to the head give HHH five.

There’s the drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steps but he staggers up and hits a Pedigree. Flair pulls himself up so there’s a second Pedigree. He’s up again so they hit the same sequence one more time. Flair gets to his feet a third time so it’s a sledgehammer shot to the….something well hidden by a camera cut but it’s finally enough to finish Flair off.

Rating: B. It’s good but it’s nowhere near as good as the cage match. As usual, the ending didn’t work very well as they were just doing the same stuff over and over again until a big hammer shot put Flair down. Thankfully they didn’t waste a lot of time with the near falls throughout the match, which are always annoying in a match like this. It wasn’t great and it should have been shorter but it worked well enough.

Randy Orton and JBL try to fire up Team Smackdown but Batista comes in and takes care of it for them.

Here are Edge and Lita for a chat. They’re changing things up around here because they are going to have their own talk show with the Cutting Edge. With that out of the way, Edge calls out Detroit Tiger Dmitri Young, who plays for a bad team and is fat you see. Detroit sports jokes abound but Young asks about Edge’s World Title. Edge and Lita are out of here, just like Ford and GM.

We recap John Cena vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt has beaten him a few times but never for the title so now he has Daivari as his personal referee. It’s the final showdown and this should be a good one.

Raw World Title: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and Daivari is guest referee. The place goes coconuts for Cena as the star power continues to rise. Angle wastes no time in taking him down by the leg and cranks on the ankle a bit. Some shoulders put Angle on the floor and DANG the fans are into Cena. Daivari won’t let him go after Angle though and things settle down a bit. Back in and Angle stomps him down in the corner until Cena snaps off a release fisherman’s suplex.

That’s not even worthy of a count so Angle grabs the ankle lock. Cena makes the rope so Daivari kicks his hand away. With that not working, Cena kicks him away and slaps Daivari in the face. Daivari is ready for the DQ but Angle gets sent into him for the double knockdown. Angle posts Cena and another referee comes down to count two. Some suplexes give Angle some twos and we hit the waistlock. Another suplex drops Cena again and the fans get even louder.

It’s off to the weird cousin of an STF on Cena but Angle switches to a regular chinlock pretty quickly. Cena suplexes his way to freedom and the comeback is on….so Angle clotheslines the referee on purpose. A low blow drops Cena and the Angle Slam gets two from the third referee. Angle’s top rope superplex gets two more but he misses the moonsault. The FU is broken up and Angle decks the third referee so here’s one from Smackdown. Angle tries to hold him back as Cena DDTs Daivari and then FU’s Angle to retain.

Rating: C+. They had a good match in there somewhere but egads they had too much going on at the same time here. When you have a fourth referee climbing over the three down referees, you’re only going to get so far. Cena needs a fresh opponent now as he’s beaten Angle more than once now so just let him do something else. That being said, who is there right now?

Eric Bischoff vs. Teddy Long

Palmer Cannon is here with Teddy and there is a referee from both shows. Long posts to start and then ducks a clothesline, meaning it’s time to dance. With that out of the way, it’s more dancing and the required crane pose. Cannon gets drawn onto the apron and Bischoff gets in some choking. A sleeper goes on until Long takes off his own shoe and hits Eric in the head. Eric is ticked….and we’ve got the Boogeyman. Choking into a pumphandle slam drops Bischoff and the one shoed Long gets the pin.

Rating: D-. Teddy’s dancing is the only thing that keeps this from failing because it always makes me smile. This was a complete waste of time but they had to have something in there to stretch the show out a bit. It wasn’t a match of course but what else were you expecting out of something like this?

Both teams get cheered to the ring by their locker rooms.

We recap Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown. Back at Homecoming, Bischoff turned out the lights on a Smackdown six man tag so a bunch of invasions started happening. Therefore, let’s have an elimination tag for brand supremacy.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw: Shawn Michaels, Kane, Big Show, Carlito, Chris Masters

Smackdown: Batista, Bobby Lashley, John Bradshaw Layfield, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio

Entrances take forever of course and Rey gets some very loud EDDIE chants. Orton takes Shawn into the corner to start and then does it again for a bonus. Shawn gets in a whip to the other corner to set up some chops as commentary is already bickering. Orton gets in a slam but misses the knee drop so it’s off to Masters. The knee the face works fine on him but it’s quickly off to Lashley, who tosses Masters around.

Carlito gets the tag so Lashley pulls him in and hits a running powerslam for two. It’s back to Shawn, who gets knocked down as well. There’s the Dominator to Carlito but Kane saves Shawn from the same fate. A Kane chokeslam from the apron lets Shawn get rid of Lashley, who wasn’t nearly the factor you would have bet on after the last few weeks. Rey comes in and dropkicks Shawn in the knee as Cole says he’d love to see this dream match. I know he has a short attention span but he can’t remember something from less than two weeks ago?

Kane comes in and gets dropkicked down but is right back up for a big boot. A backbreaker gets two on Rey and we hit the backbreaker. Rey fights out in a hurry though and it’s off to Batista for the shoulders in the corner. A spear into the spinebuster gets rid of Kane but here’s Show for an immediate chokeslam. That’s good for two but Kane is back up for a double chokeslam to get rid of Batista. JBL’s middle rope shoulder is pulled out of the air by Big Show but Orton snaps his throat across the top.

The Clothesline From JBL into the 619 into the RKO into another Clothesline From JBL into the springboard seated senton FINALLY gets rid of Big Show and we’re down to 3-3. Everything breaks down and JBL hits Shawn with a fall away slam on the floor as Masters plants Rey. Carlito comes in for a legdrop and the chinlock goes on. Rey fights up and gets a blind tag from JBL, who blasts Carlito with the Clothesline for the pin.

Masters comes in next and gets hammered down as Shawn is still out on the floor. Rey comes back in and avoids a charge into the post, setting up the 619. Dropping the Dime gets rid of Masters and it’s down to Shawn vs. Orton/Mysterio/JBL. Rey throws Shawn back in and hits the 619 but the West Coast Pop is Sweet Chin Musiced out of the air for the pin. JBL tries the Clothesline but Shawn ducks and superkicks him out for the back to back pins in about fifteen seconds.

That leaves us with Shawn vs. Orton but neither finisher can hit. Orton bails to the floor so Shawn hits a slingshot dive as the fans want Undertaker. Back in and Shawn hits the forearm into the nipup but JBL is still here and brings in a chair. That earns him another superkick but Shawn walks into the RKO for the final pin.

Rating: B. This was good enough and was absolutely the main event of the show. Even though this was for completely meaningless bragging rights, it worked this time because that was something fresh. It’s the difference between doing it once and doing it every year: this time felt like they had built something up instead of throwing it out there because it was November. It also helps when you have Shawn at his best playing the underdog and Orton being great at this match. This nearly identical formula worked in 2003 and it worked here too.

Post match the Smackdown locker room comes in to celebrate….and we’ve got druids. They bring out a casket and stand it upright as the gong hits. Lightning strikes the casket and it is lit on fire, with Undertaker walking out. Undertaker destroys the roster as the Ortons get to the outside. The big staredown with the throat slit ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. For a show that was almost entirely about the main event, this was actually a very good show with only the Long vs. Bischoff non-match being bad. There are several good matches throughout and it doesn’t drag at all. The ending was a bit obvious as everyone was waiting on Undertaker, but that’s not always the worst thing. Check this out if you need something to watch as it’s a very impressive show.

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2004 (2019 Redo): The Consolation Prize

Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is an interesting show as the two big matches are a match where the impact comes over the next four weeks and another where there is little more than bragging rights on the line. The build for this show hasn’t been the strongest, though a lot of that is due to the changes taking place in the company. There are some fresh talents coming in and they’re still finding their footing, so it should be interesting to see where this show takes us. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look back at the show’s history, which means about five of the seventeen shows get a look. The video talks about trust and how only the strong will survive. Fair enough, though I’d have rather had more of the historical stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start with Rey taking a shot to the ribs and Chavo getting double teamed in the corner. Kidman doesn’t waste time in dropkicking Spike to the floor and here’s Spike to clothesline Kidman to the other side of the floor. That leave Rey to sunset flip Chavo for two and armdrag him outside. Spike replaces Chavo and stomps Rey down in the corner as Chavo comes back in.

A double clothesline puts Spike and Chavo down at the same time, leaving Rey to hurricanrana Kidman off the apron. Chavo picks Rey up and throws him into a seated senton Kidman, setting up a dive onto both of them. Spike’s dive just hits floor in a nasty crash but he’s fine enough to run back in and break up Chavo’s belly to back on Kidman. Rey gets whipped hard into the corner, leaving the other three to set up a Tower of Doom with Spike getting the worst.

Kidman was just the electric chair so he BK Bombs Rey but gets posted by Chavo. Spike’s running headbutt to the ribs puts Chavo down, only to have Rey come back with a 619 to the champ. Kidman breaks up the West Coast Pop and drops a slingshot legdrop on Chavo. Rey takes Kidman to the floor though, allowing Spike to pin Chavo to retain.

Rating: C+. Pretty good choice for an opener here with Rey and Chavo handling the dives and a Tower of Doom before it was a cliché. Spike retaining the title isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world but I think I could go for that over another Rey or Chavo reign. Kidman has already fallen off a lot and at the moment there isn’t another better option.

Gene Snitsky comes up to Heidenreich to compliment his poetry. Heidenreich likes what Snitsky does to babies. An uncomfortable amount of grunting ensues.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin

Christian, now with Just Close Your Eyes for theme music and with Tyson Tomko in his corner, is challenging. Shelton goes with a hammerlock to start and Christian bails to the ropes to avoid the wrestling on the mat. Back up and Shelton blasts him with a shoulder to show off some power for a change. Christian is already frustrated and slaps the champ in the face before sending him over the ropes.

The cat is skinned and Shelton hits a springboard Blockbuster (looked like it was supposed to be a clothesline but he rotated too far) for two. For some reason that wakes Christian up even more and he hammers away in the corner. Shelton sticks the landing on a monkey flip and threatens Christian to the floor with a superkick, leaving the announcers to discuss the origins of the Oklahoma roll. A Tomko distraction lets Christian kick him into the barricade and the angry Christian pounds away.

The neckbreaker gets two and we hit the chinlock to stay on Shelton’s neck. Shelton gets thrown outside with someone’s elbow pad flying onto the announcers’ table in the process. Back in and Christian’s reverse tornado DDT gets two but Shelton reverses a whip to send Christian chest first into the buckle. A Jackknife rollup gets two and a reverse slingshot suplex (not quite a fisherman’s JR) is good for the same on Christian.

Shelton misses the Stinger Splash though and it’s an inverted DDT to give Christian two of his own. With nothing else working, Tomko slides the title in and even though it hits the referee in the foot, he doesn’t actually notice. It doesn’t work for Christian, who gets the title tossed, only to have Tomko kick Shelton in the face for two. Back up and Christian tries the Unprettier, which is countered into a quick exploder to retain the title.

Rating: B. This is a good example of a difficulty of five but an execution of ten. They went with a simple story but did it so well that it was easy to get behind as you wanted to see the more athletic champion overcome the cheating and retain. It’s a story that you can get into in a single viewing and Shelton played his role very well. Good match and I could go for another one.

Kurt Angle doesn’t like how Edge portrayed him in his book. He did like the chapter on Edge winning the World Title….or at least he would have if there had been one. Edge laughs it off because his team will win tonight and he’ll get a title shot. Angle goes off for his match but Eugene comes in to list off Angle’s resume and sing YOU SUCK.

Wrestlemania Recall: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Kurt Angle, Carlito, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns

Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Big Show, Rob Van Dam

Cena charges to the ring to chase Carlito off and beats Jesus up the aisle. Carlito keeps running and Cena shouts about Carlito sending his guys to stab him. With Jesus getting in a cheap shot, Carlito and Jesus jump into a car and run away. Everyone else gets in a fight on the floor and we get the opening bell, meaning Carlito is eliminated due to running away (in other words, he was injured).

We officially start with Show chopping Jindrak in the corner and handing it off to Van Dam for a spinning kick to the face. Rolling Thunder gives Eddie two and the headscissors/armdrag combination puts Jindrak and Reigns down. Angle comes in and punches Guerrero down before handing it back to Reigns for a backbreaker into a side slam. Jindrak’s full nelson is countered with a trip into the buckle but Kurt dives over to break up the hot tag attempt.

The chinlock goes on and switches into a front facelock before it’s back to Jindrak for more entry level offense. Actually hang on as he throws in a hip swivel in between the elbows. Eddie finally gets up and brings Rob in to punch Angle. Jindrak tries to save Angle from the Five Star but takes it instead, allowing Kurt to roll Rob up with the ropes for the elimination. Eddie is right back with a rollup in the ropes to get rid of Jindrak (with a fast count) to make it 3-2.

Big Show comes in to face Angle, who bails out so Reigns can do it instead. Reigns finally goes after the big bandage on the ankle, meaning it’s all of five extra seconds before the chokeslam can get rid of him. That leaves Angle by himself so he grabs the ankle lock, which is countered to send him into the aisle. Angle tries to leave but runs into Rob, who sends him backing up the aisle….and right into Show, with Angle reaching up and finding the very tall head to realize how much trouble he’s in. Back in and the FU into the frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. I was having flashbacks to the Hulkamaniacs vs. the Million Dollar Team from 1989 as the faces were never in serious trouble. There was almost no doubt after just a few minutes because Jindrak and Reigns were the lamest of goons against a bunch of top stars. They never did anything beyond stomps and slams and it wasn’t exactly believable that they could be a threat. There was no drama here and it showed badly.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. I’d go into the details here but Heidenreich is the definition of a monster for Undertaker to slay. There have been a lot of them over the years but Heidenreich is one of the lowest of the low. He tried to crush Undertaker with a car, which worked as well as you might have expected. Then he read poetry and seemed to sexually assault Michael Cole. Do I need to continue the explanation?

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Undertaker punches him into the corner to start and the referee wisely bails out to the floor. There’s a big boot to put Heidenreich down and Undertaker sends the arm into the corner. Some pulls on the arm look to set up Old School but Heyman offers a distraction so Heidenreich can break it up with a low blow.

Undertaker gets crotched against the post, which Cole thinks may be a kink in his armor. They head outside with Undertaker taking over off the shots to the ribs and the elbows on the apron. The apron legdrop completes the standard sequence and now Old School can connect. A Downward Spiral has Heidenreich in more trouble but the running boot in the corner misses.

Undertaker gets knocked off the apron so Heidenreich can hammer away against the barricade for two back inside. The chinlock goes on for a bit until a clothesline gives Heidenreich two more. Undertaker gets in a suplex and it’s time for the slugout. The clothesline takes Heidenreich down and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot.

Right hands get Heidenreich out of the chokeslam and a Boss Man Slam gives him two. The punches in the corner are countered into a weak Last Ride with Heidenreich grabbing the rope for the break. Undertaker slams his way out of a sleeper in a hurry and now the chokeslam connects. The Tombstone finally finishes Heidenreich off.

Rating: D. This was far worse than bad as it was really, really boring. Heidenreich had nothing that felt like a threat to Undertaker and the match itself was much longer than it needed to be at about sixteen minutes. The villains continue to be weak on Smackdown with Undertaker dispatching this goon without much serious trouble, as he should have done.

Eric Bischoff says Maven may not be wrestling tonight and since there is so little time left, Bischoff won’t be naming a replacement. His vacation is too valuable to listen to HHH’s complaints about a replacement.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Lita. Trish mocked Lita for getting pregnant by Kane and referred to her as the Kiss of Death for destroying so many careers over the years. Lita lost the baby thanks to Snitsky but Trish wouldn’t shut up, with some of the best heel promos the women’s division has ever seen. Lita wants to kill her and if she wins the title as well, so be it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish is defending and starts by hiding in the corner. That’s fine with Lita who slugs away and heads outside where a chair shots DQ’s Lita at just over a minute.

Post match Lita stays on her as Trish’s nose is busted.

Theodore Long comes in to see Team Guerrero and asks if he can talk to Cena alone. Show takes off his towel and Cena is a little disturbed. Long has some good news for him: Cena gets his US Title shot this week on Smackdown.

We recap JBL vs. Booker T. Booker earned the title shot by winning a title shot and the rest of the feud has been built around JBL’s lackey Orlando Jordan vs. interviewer Josh Matthews, because this feud doesn’t have the strongest legs.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Booker T.

JBL is defending and will leave Smackdown if he loses. Feeling out process to start with JBL shouting that this isn’t WCW. Some right hands have JBL in trouble so he hits Booker in the back of the head to take over. Booker’s clothesline doesn’t do him much good as a swinging neckbreaker gives the champ two. A much better clothesline sends JBL outside, though he’s fine enough to poke Booker in the eye.

They fight over the announcers’ table and it’s Jordan getting a cheap shot in from behind. We hit the cobra clutch on Booker, followed by some elbow drops for two. And now, just to mix it up a bit, we hit the chinlock. With that broken up, JBL heads up top and gets superplexed right back down. They head outside with a Book End dropping JBL again though Jordan keeps it on the floor.

JBL and Jordan both get taken out and it’s Booker’s missile dropkick for tow back inside. The Houston Hangover misses but Booker is right back with more kicks to the face. Another Jordan distraction lets JBL get two off a DDT….and the ref gets bumped. It’s Jordan coming in again and this time bringing in a chair. Cue Josh Matthews to take the chair away but JBL kicks him in the face. Booker gets in his own kicks but the second referee takes his time diving in for two, allowing Jordan to make the save. The Book End hits Jordan but JBL hits Booker with the title to retain.

Rating: D. Back to back overly long matches from the blue show with JBL and Jordan being as dull of a combination as you can get. The JBL title reign has lost what little charm it had thanks to the Jordan addition, as the guy isn’t adding anything and was the focal point of this feud, despite being that bad. Booker was trying but he needs something better than this reheated HHH/Ric Flair formula.

Evolution has a pep talk before the main event. HHH leaves and Batista talks about wanting to have his night running Raw. The seeds are being planted.

We recap the Raw elimination tag. Bischoff is tired of being in charge so he’s taking a month off. Therefore, the winning team gets to run Raw a week at a time for a month. They have all made it clear that if they win, they’re coming for the World Title, which is about as logical as you can get. The problem though is there’s little reason to watch this show because it’s all about the next four weeks.

Team HHH vs. Team Orton

HHH, Batista, Gene Snitsky, Edge

Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven

There’s no Maven to start and Ric Flair is at ringside to make it 5-3. Benoit gets aggressive with Edge in the corner to start and elbows him in the face to take over. That’s enough to bring in Snitsky and Orton, which is quite the strange looking showdown. Their slugout doesn’t last long and it’s off to Jericho vs. HHH to keep up the alternating matchups. Orton is right back in to hammer on HHH with Flair panicking about HHH taking such a beating.

The jumping knee to the face gets HHH out of trouble and it’s Batista hitting his powerslam for two. Edge comes in and gets sent into the corner, allowing the quick tag to Benoit, who beats up everyone in short order. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble and Benoit suplexes Edge onto him. A double Swan Dive gets two with Snitsky having to make a save.

The Sharpshooter has HHH In trouble but Snitsky makes another save. That’s enough for HHH to hit a quick Pedigree so Edge can pin Benoit for the first elimination. Jericho comes in next and gets taken down by a neckbreaker but HHH and Snitsky gets in a shouting match. HHH gets shoved down so Batista comes in to go nose to nose with Snitsky. Batista realizes what’s going on and breaks up the Walls on HHH.

Flair gets caught breaking up the Walls again and that means an ejection. With the referee taking care of Flair, Batista blasts Jericho and Orton with a double clothesline. Orton breaks up the big clothesline to Jericho with a belt shot and it’s a running enziguri to eliminate Batista. That’s not it for Batista to leave in peace though so he blasts Jericho with the big clothesline and then heads out. Snitsky comes in for stomping and choking instead of covering because he’s new at this. It’s off to Edge, who gets taken down with a sleeper drop but Snitsky breaks up the hot tag attempt. Everything breaks down again but here’s a bandaged up Maven to come in and go after Snitsky.

Maven’s middle rope bulldog takes HHH down but Snitsky caves his head in with a chair shot that would get him tossed out of the building today. Here it’s just a DQ, though HHH pins Maven with no trouble a second later. We’re down to HHH/Edge vs. Orton/Jericho with Jericho slipping out of the Pedigree but getting speared down for two. HHH and Edge smile down at Orton, who says bring it on.

The double stomping is on with Edge stomping away and handing it off to HHH, with JR losing his mind that Edge won’t get out of the ring. HHH’s DDT gets two and he argues with the referee, allowing Orton to roll him up for two. Edge comes in and accidentally spears HHH to give Orton the easy pin. We’re down to HHH vs. Orton with the former starting fast with a low blow. Orton gets up again and counters the Pedigree into the RKO for the pin. The Orton vs. HHH part was barely a minute and a half long.

Rating: B-. Perfectly watchable match here with Snitsky still being protected and Maven still being Maven. Other than that they’ve done a good job of making Orton look like a threat to the title, but the two Canadians are just kind of there with little reason to believe that they’re going to be a threat t o the title. That leaves us waiting until probably the Royal Rumble for a new challenger, meaning it’s time for winter vacation without missing any time from the show.

Orton poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a really weird one as it contains a lot of perfectly watchable to good wrestling, but absolutely nothing that changes anything long term. The main event stipulation lasts a grand total of four episodes of Monday Night Raw, and while that might change something, there’s no guarantee that any of this could actually matter. The Smackdown stuff was even less important with the two main matches being long and dull, leaving us with no one to challenge JBL at the moment.

Overall, the show is a rather quick sit (only a little over two and a half hours) with nothing too bad (boring, but not terrible). It could have been worse, but the biggest problem is how nothing actually matters in the end. Like I said, they’re in a big transitional period right now and while they probably have long term goals in mind, this is a rather hard stretch to get through because the villains feel like placeholders, which is the case with most of the stories at the moment. It can get better, but we have some long stretches to get through first.

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Monday Night Raw – August 18, 2008: Home Schooled

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 18, 2008
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 14,957
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and the big story is Batista defeated John Cena in one heck of a bragging rights match. That is the kind of match that you do not get to see very often and in theory it should make Batista the #1 contender to the Raw World Title. CM Punk dispatched JBL and is going to need a fresh challenger so let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

Here is a rather serious looking Chris Jericho to get things going. He isn’t here to apologize for what happened to Shawn Michaels’ wife last night because the person who should be apologizing is Shawn himself. Shawn is the person who put her in danger, and here is the proof. We see a long recap of the segment, which capped off with Jericho “accidentally” hitting Shawn’s wife in the face.

Back in the arena, the fans are not exactly pleased with Jericho, who says that Shawn could have just sent in a video or something to make his big announcement. Instead he had to come to the ring and do everything in person, which is why his wife got hurt. All Shawn had to do was admit that Jericho was the reason he’s finished and now look what happened. The reality is Shawn has tarnished his reputation and that is something he is going to have to live with for the rest of his life. Jericho slowly walks out, with commentary not being sure what to make of this. Good stuff here, as Jericho was much more somber and it worked.

Batista vs. Paul Burchill

Batista is coming in with a bad knee. Burchill kicks him in the face to start and Batista actually gets knocked into the corner. A shot to the knee cuts off the comeback attempt but Batista is back with a spear. The spinebuster into the Batista Bomb finishes Burchill quick.

Mike Adamle introduces Primo Colon (Carlito’s brother) as the newest member of the Raw roster but John Cena walks past. Adamle tries to talk to him but Cena walks up to Batista, saying last night was great and the better man won. Batista thanks him for that, but Cena says that was last night. Batista: “All right.”

Kelly Kelly/Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall/Katie Lea

Jillian’s song from Chicago doesn’t make the Peacock cut. Mickie drives Jillian into the corner to start and then takes both of them down at once. Kelly comes in with a sunset flip for two as we hear about Kelly’s dating tips in an interview. Katie gets Kelly up in an electric chair so Jillian can come in to pull her down in a crash.

The reverse chinlock has Kelly in trouble and Jillian knocks her down for two. Kelly gets some knees up though and the tag brings Mickie back in for some slightly more sophisticated stuff. A neckbreaker gets two on Katie as Jillian makes the save. Mickie and Kelly hit a double dropkick on Jillian, followed by the MickieDT to finish Katie.

Rating: C+. Better than I was expecting here, which granted is mostly due to Mickie carrying things for the team. Jillian is little more than a gimmick and Katie has already peaked. At the same time you have Kelly, who is getting better but still feels like more of a long term project. Granted it’s a project with some upside so there are worse ideas.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Jamie Noble

Noble strikes away to start and hammers away in the corner, only to get caught with the fall away slam. The slow beating is on until the Clothesline From JBL puts Noble out. JBL won’t cover though and instead hits another Clothesline, followed by another clothesline, which is enough for the stoppage.

Here is Mike Adamle for some announcements. First up, tonight’s main event is CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho. Speaking of the Raw World Title, Shane and Stephanie McMahon have told him to make a new announcement: at Unforgiven, there will be a 20 minute Championship Scramble for the title. There can be multiple falls, but the last person to score one will be the official World Heavyweight Champion. Here are the participants: World Champion CM Punk, Kane, JBL, Batista and John Cena. That’s not bad. Not the concept that is, as that’s a cool idea, but rather Adamle getting through this without any major errors.

John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase

Non-title. Hold on though as here is Cryme Tyme, who steal the Tag Team Titles and run off. DiBiase looks ready to start but Rhodes comes in instead and we take an early break. Back with Rhodes getting in a cheap shot out of the corner, which is enough for a chase around the ring and a tag off to DiBiase. Back in and DiBiase hammers away, setting up a double suplex for two, followed by a dropkick for the same. Rhodes knocks him to the apron and then into the barricade before it’s back to DiBiase.

Cena’s missed charge into the corner lets DiBiase grab a belly to back suplex, setting up a clothesline for two. Cena tries the comeback but DiBiase grabs the arm so Rhodes can drop him again as the numbers advantage continues. A flying shoulder misses for Cena as well as he just can’t keep anything going. DiBiase snaps off a suplex but tries a second, which Cena reverses into one of his own. That’s enough to start the real comeback, with Cena firing off the shoulders into the Shuffle on Rhodes. DiBiase gets knocked to the floor and the STF finishes Rhodes clean.

Rating: C. Yeah not a fan of the Tag Team Champions losing for the second time in three weeks, especially with Cena out there on his own. It also wasn’t a very entertaining match, as it was mostly Cena selling for over ten minutes before coming back with his usual to win. There was no other team other than the champs to take this loss?

Harley Race is here.

We look at Chris Jericho accidentally (in theory) hitting Shawn Michaels’ wife last night.

Last night, Shawn and his wife Rebecca were going to leave the arena but Shawn stopped to say he was going to come home and comfort his family, because she got punched in the face because of him. And then….and then….and I guess that sums it up.

CM Punk says what Chris Jericho did last night was reprehensible but they deal with people like him in Chicago.

Santino Marella vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title and Beth Phoenix is here with Santino while Kofi Kingston comes out to join commentary. Santino knocks him down for an early two as Kingston wants to know who wears the pants in Glamarella. Brown fights back and hits a quick legdrop but Phoenix gets in the ring to block the Low Down. Brown: “GET TO STEPPIN! I SAID GET TO STEPPIN!” That’s enough for Phoenix to slap Brown in the face for the fast DQ.

Post match Santino goes after Kingston, who knocks him silly with a ram into the announcers’ table.

Classics On Demand: Trish Stratus b. Stacy Keibler in a bikini contest.

Here is Kane to explain why he was carrying around Rey Mysterio’s mask in a bag. He’s been carrying the bag around for a while because it put a smile on his face. Mysterio has not been around for about six weeks, because Kane has never really liked him. Kane calls Mysterio a slithering little slime that hides behind a mask and like a fungus that grows in the marshes of your psyche.

Six weeks ago, he attacked Mysterio but spared his life. Mysterio is alive, but his spirit is broken and dead. We get some evil laughter, which is enough to bring out a limping Batista. The brawl is on but Kane goes after the bag leg and hits a chokeslam to escape. Should be a good hoss fight when we get around to it.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title and Jericho has Lance Cade with him. The fans are of course behind Punk and Jericho does not like that. They take their time to start until Punk strikes him down for an early two. Punk cranks on both arms but Jericho slips out, only to miss a charge into the post as we take an early break. Back with Punk getting pulled into a chinlock before Jericho bends his back over the knee. That’s broken up with a kick to the head so Jericho pulls him into an abdominal stretch.

Punk fights out again and grabs his own backbreaker for his own two, followed by the corner clothesline. The bulldog is blocked though and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two. The Walls go on but Punk reverses into a rollup for two and the escape. Jericho slips out of a GTS attempt and grabs the Walls, sending Punk crawling over to the ropes. Another GTS attempt is countered and Jericho goes up, only to get kneed in the face. The super bulldog leaves both of them down but a quick Cade distraction lets Jericho hit the Codebreaker for the win.

Rating: B-. Well of course Punk, who is already seen as an underdog champion, loses in his hometown with the least amount of interference. It’s nice that there is a little something in there to protect Punk, but this felt like WWE was trying to make him look bad in front of his friends and family (who they made clear were there). The match was pretty good, but the result felt like such annoying business as usual from WWE.

Overall Rating: B-. This was mainly about setting up the major players before the Championship Scramble, even with the champion himself losing in the end. The good thing is that covers a lot of ground and eats up a bunch of time on the show, as there wasn’t much good on the undercard. Unforgiven feels like it’s going to be a one match show, but it’s one of those matches with so much in it that the show should work out. Now just get a little something else for some insurance, as a two match card sounds even better.

 

 

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Summerslam 2008 (2024 Edition): A Pair Is Good Enough

Summerslam 2008
Date: August 17, 2008
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 15,997
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

We’re wrapping up the summer with this big one, though it is more or less a two match show. On the Raw side, that would be John Cena vs. Batista, while the Smackdown side counters with Edge vs. Undertaker inside the Cell. That should be enough to carry the show, which is pretty much what WWE is going with, as the rest of the show does not feel nearly as important (which, fair enough). Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a trailer for the ultimate summer blockbuster, complete with clips of Summerslams past. I’ve seen worse ideas. The Cell match gets some hype as well.

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

MVP fires off some kicks to start but gets chased to the floor, where Hardy takes over rather quickly. Back in and Hardy hits a slingshot legdrop before cranking on the arm for a change. MVP fights up and catches a charging Hardy in an overhead belly to belly into the corner for a nasty crash. A double underhook crank goes on, followed by a camel clutch to keep Hardy down. That’s broken up so MVP switches over to a half crab and then something like a heel hook as the submissions are varying here.

Hardy tries to fight up again but what looked like a springboard is cut off by a hard right hand. MVP ties him in the Tree of Woe but Hardy slips out and grabs a neckbreaker for a breather. The slingshot dropkick is cut off by a kick to the chest though and Hardy is right back in the corner. That doesn’t last long as he comes right back out with the Sling Blade but cue Shelton Benjamin for a distraction. Hardy takes him down but misses the Swanton, allowing MVP to hit the Drive By for the pin.

Rating: B-. They were getting going near the end here and it wound up being a rather nice way to open the show without it feeling like a major match. Odds are Hardy is going to get another US Title shot after the Benjamin interference but I’m curious to see what is next for MVP. There isn’t much in the way of another upper midcarder for him to face so other than a rematch with Hardy, he’s kind of in a weird place.

Maria interviews Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix, with Santino saying Maria has let herself go since they broke up. They are known as Glamarella, which is a total phenomenon. Maria: “Like your unibrow?” Santino says they they need to go, with Beth glaring at Maria and saying Santino is all his. Santino: “This is awkward.”

Intercontinental Title/Women’s Title: Kofi Kingston/Mickie James vs. Santino Marella/Beth Phoenix

Kofi and Mickie are defending and it’s winner takes all. Mickie has to get away from Beth’s power to start before kicking out the leg. A basement dropkick gives Mickie two but a belly to back suplex puts her right back down. Santino comes in and is promptly monkey flipped, allowing Kofi to come in and hammer away. Beth stops to yell at Santino and gets dropkicked out to the floor, leaving her to catch Santino as he is knocked off the apron.

Back up and Santino manages a neckbreaker over the ropes to take over on Kofi. A snap suplex gets two on Kofi and we hit the chinlock. Kofi fights up and hands it back to Mickie to take over on Beth. A dropkick knocks Santino off the apron and the top rope Thesz press gets two on Beth, with Santino diving back in for the save. The MickieDT plants Santino but the distraction lets Beth hit the Glam Slam for the pin and both titles.

Rating: C. The match was pretty quick and to the point, but it isn’t like Kofi was doing anything significant as champion and Mickie had held her title for a good while. Glamarella is a better act at the moment and it makes sense to change both belts. Go with what makes sense here, as Santino as the in over his head champion who needs Beth to save him should be fun.

Beth having to wake Santino up so he can be awarded his title is funny. He gets on Beth’s shoulders to be carried out for a great bonus.

We recap Shawn Michaels’ eye injury, which might result in the end of his career, all at the hands of Chris Jericho. It is time for him to make an announcement, and you know Jericho is going to have something to say as well.

Here is Shawn, with his wife Rebecca, for his announcement. He gets right to the point, saying he has been talking to his doctors and with the injury to his eye, on top of his back and knees and everything else, it is time to listen to his doctors. Shawn talks about some of the highs and lows of his career, but now he has the chance to be known as a full time husband and father. Before he can make the officially announcement though, here is Chris Jericho to interrupt.

Jericho: “No.” Shawn: “Excuse me?” Jericho isn’t going to let Shawn walk away like this, because he wants to hear Shawn admit that he is leaving because of what Jericho did to him. Jericho wants Shawn to have to go home to his family and say that he isn’t good enough. For now, he wants Shawn to admit that Jericho put him out for good. All of his accomplishments mean nothing because the epitaph for Shawn’s career says “the man who was forced to walk away from the ring because of Chris Jericho.”

Shawn says he’ll go home and tell his kids that he can’t wrestle anymore because of a vile human being. Jericho needs to go home too though, and sit his wife and kids down to tell them that he will never, ever be Shawn Michaels. They stare at each other and Jericho comes up swinging, with Shawn ducking so the punch hits Rebecca instead.

Shawn is distraught and Jericho looks upset before leaving. Jericho stares back at him and Shawn looks almost lost before checking on Rebecca again. Rebecca eventually gets up and leaves with Shawn as this gets the time that it needs. This was REALLY good stuff with Jericho selling the jealousy and Shawn getting in the great mic drop line at the end.

ECW Title: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy

Henry, with Tony Atlas, is defending. Hardy slugs away to start but is easily powered into the corner. A Twist of Fate connects out of nowhere…but Atlas breaks up the cover and that’s a DQ in about thirty seconds. Well that’s either a time crunch or they had nothing else to do and needed to extend the feud another month.

Post match the beatdown is on but Jeff Hardy runs in for the save.

We recap CM Punk defending the Raw World Title against JBL. Punk won the title via Money In The Bank cash-in and JBL keeps talking down to him for being in over his head. Punk is out to prove he belongs on this level.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Punk is defending and gets powered into the corner to start for a clean break. A headlock doesn’t work so Punk kicks away and dropkicks JBL out to the floor, setting up the big dive. Back in and JBL hits a big shoulder to take over, setting up a super fall away slam for two. Some elbows to the back keep Punk in trouble and we hit the bearhug.

Punk fights out but charges into a boot to the face for two. The waistlock stays on the ribs before JBL switches over to the abdominal stretch. Punk fights out and manages the running knee in the corner but JBL is back with a heck of a clothesline (not the Clothesline From JBL but rather just a clothesline from JBL).

Another comeback with a kick to the head gives Punk two but JBL powerslams him out of the air for two more. The Clothesline From JBL is broken up with a leg lariat but JBL cuts off the bulldog out of the corner. JBL sends him flying with a belly to back superplex and Punk is bleeding from somewhere on his head. Back up and Punk hits a quick GTS for the really sudden pin to retain (possibly due to the cut).

Rating: C+. It was a fine come from behind win for Punk, even if the ending was really sudden. What matters the most though is giving Punk a clean pin over someone with some status. He still only feels so much like a major star, but a win in a World Title match at Summerslam should help that. Now just make him slightly more important on Raw and it will be even better.

We recap HHH vs. Great Khali for the Smackdown World Title. HHH is the champion but Khali is big. End of story.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Great Khali

HHH is defending and Khali has Runjin Singh with him. The early right hands stagger Khali but he easily blocks a Pedigree attempt. HHH’s clotheslines are cut off with the tree slam but Khali would rather pose than cover. The Vice Grip is broken up and a chop block takes Khali down. They go outside where the big chop knocks HHH silly and it’s time to stomp away back inside.

The fans think Khali can’t wrestle and he proves them wrong by grabbing a nerve hold. That stays on for a good while but HHH slugs away and hits a facebuster to tie Khali’s arms in the ropes. Khali kicks his way out so HHH goes after the leg and even ties it around the post in a smart move. Not that it matters as Khali chops him down again and the Vice Grip goes on again. Since it’s HHH, he manages to power out and, after another failed attempt, hits the Pedigree to retain the title.

Rating: C. That’s on something of a sliding scale as Khali is only going to be so good on his best day and the match wasn’t exactly good. That being said, they followed a simple formula here of Khali slowly beating him down and grinding away while HHH just tried for his one big home run dhow. It wasn’t good, but I’ll take a “that could have been worse” for a World Title match involving Khali.

We recap John Cena vs. Batista in their first ever match in WWE. I don’t think it needs much more of an explanation than that.

John Cena vs. Batista

Batista grabs a headlock into a running shoulder to start but Cena is back with a hiptoss. Back up and Cena’s shoulder runs Batista over for a change but Batista gets two off a suplex. A side slam gives Batista two more and he mixes things up with a Figure Four of all things. The leg is fine enough that Cena gets to the rope and FU’s Batista over the top for a crash out to the floor. While Cena gets a breather, Batista comes up holding his knee, which can’t go well.

Back in and Cena hits another Shuffle but the second FU is broken up. Batista powers him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs but the Batista Bomb is countered into a DDT on the knee. Cena gets the STFU but Batista powers out into something like a rear naked choke for a change.

A shot to the knee gets Cena out of trouble, only for Batista to spear him down for two. Cena manages to reverse a powerslam into an FU for a rather delayed two. They go up top with Cena knocking him off the top, only for the top rope Fameasser to be countered into a powerbomb for two more. The Batista Bomb gives Batista the pin.

Rating: B. It didn’t quite live up to the hype, but how can anything live up to that kind of pressure? This was the definition of a dram match with two of the biggest names in WWE facing off for the first time. It also wasn’t very long, not even breaking fourteen minutes. What we got was good, but it felt like it should have been incredible and it just never got there.
The Cell is lowered.

We recap Edge vs. the Undertaker inside the Cell. This is more about Edge vs. his wife Vickie Guerrero, as Edge cheated on her with their wedding planner. As a result, Vickie put him in the Cell match as revenge. Edge has tapped into his more evil, aggressive side to fight back against Undertaker but also to deal with Vickie. Undertaker hasn’t appeared during the whole thing and is more a big shadow over the real feud, making it kind of a weir build. Edge has done well though and is feeling more like the great version of himself, which gives this promise.

Edge vs. Undertaker

Inside the Cell. They start slowly until Undertaker kicks him in the face. It’s already time to head out to the floor, where Edge is sent hard into the Cell. Another whip sends him into the steps as this is one sided so far. Undertaker drops the apron legdrop as we see La Familia watching backstage. The steps are set up in the corner and Edge is Snaked Eyesed onto them….which wakes Edge up for some reason. Undertaker is sent into the steps and then speared against the for a bonus.

It’s table time but first, Edge knocks him silly with the steps again. Edge can’t manage to suplex him through two tables at ringside though and has to fight out of a chokeslam attempt. A chair to the throat puts Undertaker down again so let’s throw in a ladder as well. One heck of a chair shot to the head puts Undertaker down, allowing Edge to put him onto the table. The chair shot off the ladder crushes Undertaker and they’re both down. Edge is up first and loads up a Conchairto, which takes too long, allowing Undertaker to slug away.

A big boot sends Edge into the Cell and some hard steps to the head makes it worse. Edge manages a posting though and the spear sends Undertaker through the Cell wall for the big crash. It’s Undertaker up first and he hits Edge in the head with a TV monitor. They go onto the announcers’ table, with Edge hitting a spear to send him through the other table. Somehow Undertaker is up first again and hits Edge with the bell.

They go back inside (the fans do not approve), where Edge is waiting with a ladder to the head. A camera to the head (ala Survivor Series last year when Edge cost Undertaker in the Cell) but Undertaker pops back up with a chokeslam for two. The Last Ride is broken up with a low blow and Edge hits the Edgecution for two. Another spear gets another two but Undertaker is back up with the Last Ride for the same. The Tombstone onto the steps is broken up and Edge sends him head first onto the steps for a double breather.

For some reason Edge goes up, allowing Undertaker to chokeslam him off the top and through a pair of tables for the huge crash. Back in and Undertaker hits a spear of his own before grabbing the camera (Undertaker: “WELCOME TO H***!” That’s a good line but it would have been better if that was the active camera, instead giving us a shot of Undertaker shouting into a camera from the side). A Conchairto and the Tombstone finally finish Edge.

Rating: A-. These two beat the fire out of each other and it made for a great fight. They even told a story with the violence as Edge threw everything he had at Undertaker but just wasn’t good enough. That’s what Vickie Guerrero was hoping to do here and it made for a great story. Undertaker massacred Edge here and the ending felt like a total destruction, which is exactly what it should have been. Heck of a main event here and it lived up to the hype.

Post match Undertaker stands up a ladder and puts Edge on it. Undertaker climbs up a second ladder and chokeslams Edge through the mat. Fire comes up from the hole to to hammer in the symbolism and end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The last two matches delivered and thankfully those were the matches that mattered by far the most. Throw in a pretty awesome Shawn/Jericho segment and this was a good show. What mattered here was the show felt important, which is what something like Summerslam should do. WWE still needs to boost up something else other than the main stories, but for now they were enough to carry the show.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 11, 2008: It’s Those Two

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 11, 2008
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the last Raw before Summerslam and we have new Raw Tag Team Champion as Batista and John Cena won the belts last week. Odds are their reign won’t last long but they already have a match set for Summerslam anyway. Other than that, JBL is the new #1 contender to CM Punk’s World Title so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena and Batista winning the Tag Team Titles last week, despite not being able to stand each other.

Here is Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how Mike Adamle made a match between himself and Batista at Summerslam for the first time ever. The two of them have never had an issue before, but now they are the Tag Team Champions. Earlier today, Adamle was looking for ideas for Cena and Batista, ranging from a broken glass arm wrestling match to a chili cook off but all you need is the two of them in the ring together.

Cue Batista, with Cena saying they won the titles last week, but tonight they have a rematch against Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. They have to work together or they’ll both lose, but that isn’t happening at Summerslam. Cena has never admitted this to anyone, but he has spent six years watching Batista be groomed to be the to star and Cena never had that.

Instead, he has spent years going to war to turn critics into believers. They both have impressive resumes, but they have never answered the question of who is better. We’ll answer that question at Summerslam and it’s going to be Cena. Batista says he’s been watching Cena as well and compares their resume. He has watched Cena get booed out of the building but Cena never changed a thing.

Batista would never do some of those things, but there are a bunch of people over the age of 15 who want to see him beat Cena senseless. On Sunday, he’s going to prove he’s the better man. A rather intense handshake wraps it up. This is a match that writes itself but they’ve done a great job of making it more interesting.

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Santino Marella is on commentary. Beth powers her into the corner to start but gets slapped in the face. That doesn’t go well for Kelly, who gets taken down and then faceplanted for her efforts. As Santino drops the name “Glamarella” for his relationship with Beth, Kelly slips out of a gorilla press and gets two off a rollup. Not that it matters as the Glam Slam finishes for Beth in a hurry.

Post match Santino comes in to say he wants to send a message to Mickie James and Kofi Kingston by having Beth beat Kelly up again. Kingston and James run in for the save to clear the villains out…but Santino wants to face James right now. See, he needs practice on figuring out where he can put his hands while facing a woman. Kingston says he’ll do it, but Santino says “don’t be a girl”. It turns out those are fighting words so James is in. Santino promises to put her back in the kitchen where she belongs.

Santino Marella vs. Mickie James

We’re joined in progress after a break, apparently with Santino having insulted James’ parents during the break. James’ headlock doesn’t work very well but she’s able to headscissor her way out of Santino’s version. James trips him down and rides him a bit (spanking included of course) but Santino gets in a slam. The knee drop misses but Santino distracts the referee, allowing Beth Phoenix to get in a cheap shot. Kofi Kingston protests, only for Santino to grab a rollup with tights for the pin.

Mike Adamle is talking to Todd Phillips when Kane comes in. Adamle has an idea for him tonight: a match with Chris Jericho. Works for Kane, but Adamle also wants the bag that Kane has been holding. Kane says Adamle doesn’t want to do that, but Adamle says we don’t want kids going back to school and carrying a bag like his. Kane calls this a huge mistake before leaving. Fair enough, but the mistake was made by having Adamle talk this much in the first place.

We look at a classic clip of the Valiant Brothers losing the World Tag Team Titles to Ivan Putski and Tito Santana.

Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase talk about Batista and John Cena not being a team, meaning they’ll lose the titles back tonight. They’re young, but they’re further along than any Hall Of Famer was at this point. Maybe next year they’ll be facing off in the main event of Summerslam, but the difference is they really respect each other.

Cryme Tyme vs. Highlanders

Cole calls this a very important match, showing that Cole is either a liar or a moron. Gaspard powers Rory around to start but a cheap shot lets the Highlanders take over on JTG. Rory starts in on JTG’s arm but a hammerlock is broken up. It’s back to Shad to clothesline Robbie and a delayed suplex sets up an STO for the fast pin. Cryme Tyme moving into the title picture wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Randy Orton has been involved in a motorcycle accident and is hurt all over again. And the delays continue. Maybe we can get some RNN Breaking News about him going forward though.

Here is JBL with a special challenge for CM Punk, who comes out before anything can be said. JBL goes into his usual insults about Punk, who finally cuts him off to say he’s tired of hearing the same things since he’s won this title. No he isn’t your traditional champion but he’s watched every Summerslam since he was a kid and it’s going to be a dream come true to beat JBL at that show.

Punk says that with all due respect to Batista and John Cena, this is the real main event. JBL is incensed that Punk would compare himself to stars like Cena and Batista. He asks how Punk has earned his place and calls him Cinderella. Midnight strikes on Sunday though because fairy tales aren’t real. Punk has talent, but he also has six days left as champion. JBL rolls up his sleeves (JBL: “Settle down Cinderella.”) and pulls back a sheet revealing a bottle of whiskey. He wants a drinking contest with Mr. Straightedge, which JBL finds boring.

JBL pours Punk a drink, saying he’ll have a chance to win if he takes that one drink. If Punk won’t do it, he won’t be able to win against JBL on Sunday. Punk says JBL doesn’t get it because they’re not the same person. Doing things his way has gotten Punk this far so he’ll pass on the drink. JBL says he didn’t realize Punk brought his soapbox so he’ll toast to Punk instead.

Hold on though as Punk says JBL changed his mind so he’ll do the toast. And the drink is thrown into JBL’s face, setting up the running knee in the corner. I’m not sure what the point of the drinking thing was supposed to be here, but they did a nice job of presenting the differences between them. JBL’s old school stuff is fine, but geez he makes everything he says sound so dull and it’s not helping.

We look at Shawn Michaels’ eye injury, with a decision about his career set for Summerslam.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Lance Cade is here with Jericho, who is ran over and dropkicked to start. Kane powers him out of the corner but misses an elbow. Not that it matters as Kane takes it outside and knocks Jericho around again before heading back inside. Cade’s distraction lets Jericho hit the triangle dropkick and he gets to hammer away a bit.

The chinlock doesn’t last long as Kane is back up again with a spinning toss (looked like the side slam to start but he just tossed Jericho instead). Kane misses a charge into the corner but it’s too early for the Walls. Now the side slam can connect, followed by the top rope clothesline…and here is Mike Adamle with a bunch of security. Kane goes over to get the bag though, allowing Jericho to hit the Codebreaker for the pin.

Rating: C+. These two often worked pretty well against each other but it was weird to see a heel vs. heel match between them. Kane losing here is a bit strange as he’s the current monster, but at least he was distracted. That being said, putting Kane in a story with Adamle doesn’t seem like the best idea. Then again, Kane has a history of being in bad stories and he tends to….well sometimes he makes them better.

Post match Adamle says he knows what Kane is talking about, because the “he” Kane has been asking about is Kane himself. Adamle knows Kane has been struggling to find those answers but Kane can lead a normal life by giving Adamle that bag. The fans need to know what is in the bag and, after comparing himself to Ronald Reagan’s “tear down this wall”, Adamle says “give me that bag”.

Kane says there is a mask in the bag and the man who wore it has been scarred and tortured beyond all human recognition. The problem is that it’s not Kane’s mask. Kane opens the bag and pulls out….Rey Mysterio’s mask. Adamle is confused, but that might just be how he normally looks.

William Regal vs. Jamie Noble

Regal pounds away to start and they’re quickly on the floor for a ram into the apron. Back in and Noble knocks him into the corner for a Cannonball. A high crossbody gives Noble two but Regal snaps off a suplex. The running knee finishes Noble quick.

Smackdown Rebound.

Summerslam rundown.

We get the results of the poll from earlier, with John Cena being named the bigger star over Batista 73%-27%. Dang that’s a squash.

Raw Tag Team Titles: John Cena/Batista vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase Jr.

Rhodes and DiBiase are challenging and don’t even get an entrance. Batista insists he start but Cena slaps him from the apron to come in instead. Rhodes and DiBiase jump Cena to take over, which lasts all of a few seconds before Cena shoulders his way to freedom. Cena tells Batista that he can’t see him and we take a break. Back with DiBiase holding Cena in a chinlock, which doesn’t last long either as Cena powers up.

DiBiase misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Batista to clean house. The spinebuster hits DiBiase but Batista stops to taunt Cena, who breaks up the Batista Bomb. A cheap shot to the knee cuts Batista off and Rhodes cranks away on the leg. Batista powers up and slaps Cena in the face for a tag, which has Cena glaring at him. The glaring Cena gets rolled up to give DiBiase the pin and the titles back.

Rating: C. The match was pretty slow paced and much like last week was much more about the story than the wrestling. That’s how something like this should have gone as there was no reason for Batista and Cena to keep the titles long term. Cena and Batista want to fight and they have nothing else to worry about, which is the way this should go.

Post match Cena and Batista are ready to fight but have to dispatch Rhodes and DiBiase again. With the villains gone, Cena teases walking out without a fight but that’s just not his nature. Security comes in, gets knocked down, and then cuts off the fight to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. In case it isn’t clear, John Cena vs. Batista is by far the best thing going on with this show. It feels big and it comes off as the most important thing you’re going to be able to see right now. The Kane stuff is more weird than anything else (but it took a good turn here), the mixed tag stuff could be worse, and the Punk vs. JBL stuff is just dull. That leaves Cena and Batista miles ahead of everything else an I want to see those two fight on Sunday. I don’t quite want to see the rest of the show, which is about as hit or miss as you can get.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 4, 2008: Those Two, And Everything Else

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 4, 2008
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

For reasons I still do not want to understand, we’re in the Mike Adamle Era as he is the new GM of the show. Other than that nightmare, we have less than two weeks to go before Summerslam and the real main event from Raw is set as John Cena will face Batista. Other than that, CM Punk still needs an official challenger and we might get that tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Quick note: I did the Saturday Night’s Main Event but it didn’t save properly and was lost. Normally I would redo it but a grand total of nothing happened on the show and I’m not going to waste even more time on such a pathetic excuse for a “special”.

Here is Mike Adamle to get things going. The fans are all over him before he tells a story about a man who worked in a circus like atmosphere and wasn’t very good at his job. He’s talking about Ronald Reagan, who went from being a B list movie star to the Presidency. Reagan acted with a monkey, while Adamle said Jeff Harvey.

There have been people criticizing his work as an ECW commentator and wanting his resignation. That is your right as an American but it isn’t an American that he wants to be in. He wants to be in an America where a 5’9 man can play seven years in the NFL and be a star. As for tonight, how many people would like to see a championship match tonight? Instead, we’ll do three of them, with Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase defending the Tag Team Titles against John Cena/Batista….and here is JBL to interrupt.

JBL knows what it means to make a bad first impression, but now people see him for the success that he is. After bragging about being featured in Fortune Magazine and being a former professional football player, he brings up the World Title match at Summerslam. Cue Chris Jericho to interrupt, saying he should get the title shot instead.

Bickering ensues, but Adamle cuts them off and makes JBL/Jericho vs. CM Punk, where either of them get the title shot at Summerslam if they beat him. If Punk wins, neither gets a title shot. That’s kind of an unfair stipulation, but I had to listen to Adamle talk so there is nothing fair. He’s just not the right pick for this spot and that was even more apparent here.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Paul Burchill

Burchill, with Katie Lea, is challenging and works on a wristlock to start. Kingston flips him over for two as we hear about Burchill’s rugby career. Some right hands in the corner keep Burchill in trouble but Katie offers a distraction, allowing Burchill to get in a clothesline. We hit something like a seated crossface chickenwing until Kingston fights up and strikes away. A crossbody gives Kingston two and Trouble In Paradise retains the title.

Rating: C+. Hopefully this finishes Burchill as a challenger as it feels like it has been going on for months now. Burchill hasn’t felt like a big time challenger but he keeps going after Kingston. The clean finish gives me some hope though as there is pretty much no reason to keep this going.

Post match the Burchills go after Kingston again, only to be cleared out. Cue Mickie James for her scheduled match with Katie.

Women’s Title: Katie Lea vs. Mickie James

Joined in progress with Mickie striking away, including a dropkick to the floor. Mickie hits a Thesz press off the apron and strikes away before doing the same in the corner. A neckbreaker over the ropes has Mickie in more trouble and we hit the surfboard. With that broken up, Mickie hits her own neckbreaker for two but Lea’s suplex gets the same. Not that it matters as the MickieDT retains the title.

Rating: C. This feud has been going even longer than Kingston vs. Burchill and it’s nice to seemingly have it wrap up. Mickie is in need of a fresh challenger for the title and there aren’t many options around here. Lea is fine enough in the ring but there are only so many people she can face at the moment. For now though, it doesn’t seem to be Mickie and that’s fine.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take Mickie out. Santino Marella approves and mild spanking ensues.

Mike Adamle calls Stephanie McMahon to thank her for the opportunity. Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella come in to interrupt because they both want title shots at Summerslam. Adamle says there is only room for one more match so they bicker a bit. Adamle finally cuts them off and makes a tag match between the two of them and Kofi Kingston/Mickie James, winner take all.

Video on John Cena.

Batista is happy to get a shot at the Tag Team Titles but could go for a different partner. He could also go for the World Title shot at Summerslam but if beating John Cena gets him there, so be it.

Layla dances in the ring and we see a clip of her ending things with Jamie Noble (who had made reservations at Waffle House). Cue William Regal to remind us that he is the King Of The Ring but here is Noble to interrupt. The brawl is on but referees break it up.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho/John Bradshaw Layfield

Non-title. Hold on though as Mike Adamle pops up on screen to say that this match has a ten minute time limit. If the match goes to the time limit, it’s a triple threat match at Summerslam for the title. JBL and Jericho argue to start so Punk jumps them, not wanting a triple threat either. A double shoulder drops Punk and Jericho gets sent outside. The fall away slam gives JBL two on Punk an JBL slowly hammers away in the corner.

Jericho manages to send JBL into the steps though and the chinlock has Punk in trouble. Back up and Punk catches him on top, only to get pulled into an abdominal stretch with five minutes left. JBL comes back in and tries to steal the pin on Punk, meaning it’s time for the villains to slug it out. JBL gets sent outside so the Lionsault can give Jericho two. Punk is back up with a springboard clothesline to JBL before sending Jericho into the corner with three minutes left.

Punk’s running knee in the corner sets up the bulldog to drop JBL and the GTS gets two with Jericho making the save. Jericho gets catapulted into JBL for two as we have a minute and a half left. Another GTS attempt is countered into the Walls on Punk with JBL making his own save…and then falling on Punk to steal the pin with one second left.

Rating: C+. This had quite a few different rules and while they might have been more complicated than necessary, at least it clears up the question of who will be getting the title shot. On the other hand, it’s JBL, who is just so boring with everything he does that he drains the life out of everything. Punk should be able to get a nice title defense, but dang it is not going to be interesting on the way there.

We get a long recap of Chris Jericho injuring Shawn Michaels’ eye and possibly ending his career.

Michaels joins us from San Antonio and says his eye is really banged up. The injury has allowed him to take a break and heal up a bit but he has all kinds of health issues. He has another evaluation two days before Summerslam and he wants to come to the show and announce his decision. If he is allowed to compete, even on a part time basis, he’ll do it, but he’s going to listen to his doctors. Chris Jericho said maybe Shawn should just go home and be with his family….and maybe he should.

Here is Matt Striker to remind us who he is and request the best competition.

Matt Striker vs. Kane

Kane powers him away to start and shrugs off a forearm to the back. Kane plants him with a slam, hits the top rope clothesline and finishes with the chokeslam.

Post match Kane grabs the bag he has been carrying around and says he has been in a bad place lately. He looks at the bag and says “he’s not alive, he’s dead.”

Smackdown Rebound.

Summerslam rundown.

Video on Batista.

John Cena talks about how that video gives him a perspective on Batista, because it makes him know what Batista can do in the ring. As for Mike Adamle, we’ll have to see what happens with his time as the boss, but anyone can see what happens when Cena and Batista face off.

Cena has been overshadowed by Batista more than once and knew that they were going to go head to head at some point. They they both wound up on Raw and he knew it would happen one day. Then a few weeks ago, he punched Batista in the face and knew that one day was going to be at Summerslam. First though, they can become Tag Team Champions. Cena hopes they win. This was the kind of promo that made the match feel so much bigger, which is where Cena tends to shine.

Kelly Kelly comes in to see Mike Adamle to compliment him on everything he has done. She brings up Kane, but Adamle has an idea for him for next week. For now though, she’s going to watch the main event with him.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase vs. Batista/John Cena

Cena and Batista are challenging. DiBiase starts with Cena and is quickly knocked down for an early two. Batista comes in to shove Rhodes down and fires off the shoulders in the corner. A missed charge goes into the post though and we take a break. Back with Rhodes working on the arm but Batista powers out again and hands it off to Cena. DiBiase breaks up the FU though and hits a belly to back. The fist drop (ala his dad) has commentary thinking DiBiase is mocking the Five Knuckle Shuffle because these two aren’t very good at times.

Batista does not look impressed as Cena gets double elbowed down for two more. Rhodes grabs a sleeper (from the left for a weird look) and then DiBiase does the same (from the right side, in case you were wondering), only to have Cena reverse into one of his own. That’s broken up as well but Cena walks over and slaps Batista in the face for the tag. A backdrop and spear take DiBiase down and Cena cuts Rhodes off, leaving the Batista Bomb to connect for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. The match itself was fairly dull, but the storytelling with Batista not wanting to do this because he can’t stand Cena, while Cena is always going to want to compete and win because that’s who he is. It made for an interesting dynamic and gives another layer to a match that is pretty much already set up. Other than that, it was a fairly long match with Cena and Batista running through the champions at the end, which is a bit more acceptable when you have a modern day Mega Powers in Cena and Batista.

Batista rather forcefully hands Cena his belt and they slowly hold up the titles. It turns into a pose off and then a staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show is pretty much Cena/Batista and then everything else, as there is very little that I would want to see otherwise. Adamle is just not interesting, which might be what they’re going for but it’s not making for the most thrilling material. Other than that, you have the World Title stuff which is hardly making me want to see what happens next. Batista and Cena are good stuff, but I’m going to need a lot more than that to sell this side of the Summerslam card.

 

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 2005 (2020 Redo): He’s Here

Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big show here with a card that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We have a huge main event between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but after that it’s kind of a downgrade with Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero with a kid (symbolically) above the ring. The World Title matches see John Cena defending against Chris Jericho and JBL challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Maybe they can make it work though so let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video looks at the big matches, which works a bit better. Granted that might be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether and I always liked that song. Shawn vs. Hogan gets its own section of the video, because nothing on this show comes close to it (fair enough).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is defending and it’s a German suplex into the Crossface to make Benoit champion in 25 seconds. Now THAT is how you wake a crowd up while giving Jordan exactly what he deserved in Honky Tonk Man style.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Eddie and asks him to calm down. This isn’t about Dominic because it’s all about Eddie not being able to beat Rey. Eddie wants someone to carry on the Guerrero legacy and Vickie talks about him having a heart of gold. But there’s also an evil inside of him that won’t leave Rey alone. Eddie: “So now you don’t think I can beat Rey?” Eddie throws her out and reassures himself that he’ll win.

We recap Matt Hardy vs. Edge. Lita left Matt for Edge while Matt was hurt and then he was released. Matt invaded Raw a few times to get at Edge but then he was rehired and it was just Matt Hardy again. Tonight is the big fight.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Hardy runs to the ring and starts the fight on the floor as it feels like Matt wants to kill him. They get inside with Matt hammering away and a loud HARDY chant. Matt grabs a rear naked choke but Edge gets to the ropes and then back outside. Back in and Edge hits a headbutt to put Matt on the ropes as the fans are all over Lita.

A spear through the ropes puts them back on the floor but Matt hammers away with right hands to the head. More right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble so he drops Matt face first onto the post to knock him silly. Even Lita looks concerned as Matt is busted open. Matt can barely stand so Edge kicks him in the head….and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. So yeah Matt comes back, gets in a few shots, and then gets busted open for a referee stoppage in five minutes. The first minute or so felt like a war but then it was little more than a hard hitting match with one big spot. This is the kind of thing that needed to go about eighteen minutes with both of them bleeding, but that would suggest that Matt was something important, rather than just a way to get Edge over. I can go with that as Matt is Matt and Edge has been a near main eventer for a long time now, but this was a major disappointment after the setup.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie can’t beat Rey and has been driven completely crazy over jealousy and his failures. Therefore, Eddie is going to try something else so he brought up that Rey’s son Dominic was really Eddie’s biological son. Eddie wanted Dominic, but a social worker said they had to settle this, so a ladder match was made instead.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony Chimel: “The following contest is a ladder match for the custody of Dominic!” And that’s your most ridiculous ring introduction of all time. Dominic and the social worker are in the front row so Eddie goes over to them for a rather evil smile. Rey comes out and hugs Dominic so Eddie goes over and shakes the social worker’s hand. We’re ready to go and Eddie talks a lot of trash as they stare each other down to start.

Eddie gets in a cheap shot to knock Rey into the corner but Rey monkey flips him out to the floor. A whip sends Rey into the ladder though and he has to springboard in with a dropkick to knock Eddie off. Eddie goes to get another ladder so Rey dropkicks that one into his face, followed by a springboard seated senton to the floor. Back in and Eddie saves Rey’s climb with a sunset bomb but he can’t hold on, making it look rather messy. Eh to be fair that’s a pretty tricky spot.

Eddie hits him in the ribs and face with the ladder before sandwiching Rey between some ladders. The fans know what’s coming and are rather pleased with the slingshot hilo onto a ladder onto Rey onto another ladder. Rey gets up and uses a ladder to bridge his way up top to cut Eddie off, including a backdrop onto the bridged ladder. The crash bangs up Rey’s knee so he climbs rather slowly, allowing Eddie to dropkick the ladder out and hurt the knee even more.

Eddie reverse powerbombs him ribs first into the ladder on the top rope and there’s that evil smile again. That’s enough for another climb but Dominic comes in to shake the ladder. That just annoys Eddie so he yells at Dominic and demands a hug. Eddie: “I’m your new daddy now!” Eddie goes to hit him but Rey makes the save as Dominic is back with the social worker who let him jump the barricade and interfere in a violent match.

Rey sends him into a ladder and then 619s said ladder into Eddie’s face, only to hurt the knee again. The knee is ok enough to Drop The Dime onto a ladder onto Eddie and then load up the ladder again. Eddie climbs up the same side for an electric chair but Rey shows him how to do the sunset bomb for the huge crash. Rey goes up again and grabs the case but Eddie kicks the ladder out and pulls Rey down into a big spinebuster.

With Rey pinned under the ladder, Eddie goes up but stops to talk a lot of trash. He can’t unhook the thing anyway, allowing Rey to wiggle free and kick the ladder over. Apparently Vickie was supposed to run in there and missed the cue, explaining why Eddie couldn’t understand how a hook worked. Eddie is back up with Three Amigos, including the third onto the ladder. That means another climb but this time Vickie comes out for the save as she shoves the ladder over. Vickie pulls Eddie back so Rey can climb p and win.

Rating: B. It’s rather good with some big crashes, but the Vickie/Dominic stuff was too much and brought the match down. Rey vs. Eddie is something you can watch all day, especially if Eddie is all evil, but they could have come up with something better than a ladder match for custody papers. It was too far and became dumb rather than dramatic, which defeats a lot of the purpose.

Post match Vickie is relieved and Rey hits Eddie with a briefcase for a bonus.

Chris Jericho doesn’t like John Cena’s theme music and promises to make him as forgettable as the New Kids On The Block. He beat the Rock and Steve Austin on the same night and Cena isn’t on their level.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

For Eugene’s (Or Angle’s?) Gold Medal with no time limit and Christy Hemme is here with Eugene. Angle goes off on him to start and stomps Eugene down into the corner. Eugene comes back with a Faarooq spinebuster but Angle breaks up the People’s Elbow attempt with a hard clothesline. The fans are very pleased with this as they don’t seem all that into Eugene here.

Angle rolls the German suplexes for two and the fans are happy again. Eugene gets sent into the buckle a few times so the comeback is on, including a Rock Bottom for two. The Stunner gets the same and Eugene takes down the non-existent straps. Angle reverses the ankle lock by rolling him into the corner though and it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the win.

Rating: D. This could have been on Raw as Eugene was completely overwhelmed. The charm is long past gone now and it’s just Eugene doing Austin and Rock moves with almost nothing in between. It was just a squash anyway as Eugene is treated like the glorified jobber that he is. Angle needs to move on to something else and Eugene needs to become something else entirely.

Post match Angle stands on a chair so he can be awarded the medal again.

The Divas, in swimsuits, wash a limo with the Presidential seal on the door. The window goes down to reveal Vince McMahon. Vince: “Hey, why not?” There’s a McMahon For President bumper sticker on the limo for a bonus.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from Wrestlemania because Orton isn’t happy with his loss. It’s weird to see Undertaker come out first. Orton bails to the floor to start so Undertaker takes a second before shoving him down. A slap gets in Orton’s head a bit but he’s back up to dodge some right hands. Undertaker grabs a headlock (that’s a rare one) but Orton is right back with a hiptoss into a clothesline. That just earns him a big boot to the face and Orton is stunned in a hurry.

Undertaker goes technical with a keylock into Old School but Orton somehow understands what it means when Undertaker stands on the top while holding an arm. Old School is broken up with an armdrag back down but Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner to hammer away. The big boot and jumping clothesline give Undertaker two but the big boot in the corner only hits….well corner really and Orton grabs a DDT for his own two with Undertaker putting a foot across the rope.

Flashing back to his Evolution days, Orton cannonballs down onto the leg and then wraps it around the post. The leglock goes on so Undertaker punches his way to freedom, only to earn a knee drop to the ribs. Undertaker limps into the powerslam for two and it’s time to go to Texas with a spinning toehold.

That’s broken up as well and Undertaker starts kicking at Orton’s knee, earning a one off BORING chant. That doesn’t last long either as Orton is right back to the knee as the slow pace continues. Undertaker kicks him out to the floor for a ram into the steps and the apron legdrop as this isn’t exactly hitting a high gear. Old School connects back inside and it’s the Downward Spiral to Orton, who is right back with a dropkick for the double knockdown.

The RKO is blocked so they fight over a Tombstone until Orton gets two off the backbreaker. Orton goes up but Undertaker rolls through the high crossbody and grabs him by the throat. The chokeslam connects but a “fan” comes in. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It was a struggle to get this high as there was no sense of urgency or any time until the end where either of them seemed close to going to a finish. At least the Wrestlemania match had an awesome near fall of the RKO but this was a bunch of leg work until they got to the finish. It could have worked if they had gone to a better ending but this never got into a higher gear.

And it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. You can book the rubber match already.

Some members of the Republican National Committee are here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. They’ve been having issues since Cena made his Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. Then they got in an argument over who was the bigger rock star, which turned into Cena’s Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff’s Vince McMahon with Jericho and Carlito as the chief lackeys. The former story was better but why do that when you can do the same thing you’ve done so many times before?

Bischoff wishes Jericho’s luck.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending. They go nose to nose to start and a lockup doesn’t go anywhere. Jericho’s headlock is just as ineffective but he grabs a suplex to take over. There’s the spinwheel kick to drop Cena again but the springboard crossbody only lands on the floor. Back in and Cena hammers away, only to charge into a dropkick in the corner. A suplex gives Jericho two and a basement dropkick to the headsets up the chinlock.

They go outside with Jericho choking away with a cord but Cena is back with right hands. This isn’t exactly blowing the roof off the place so far. The big flying shoulder misses though and Jericho hits the running bulldog. Jericho has to bail out of the Lionsault so he tries the Walls, which is kicked out to the floor in a hurry. Cena drops the middle rope Fameasser over the ropes for two on the way back in but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. It’s time to start in on the back with a backbreaker and some elbows as the fans are loudly split.

The running crotch attack to the back only hits ropes though and they’re both down again. Cena is back up with that hard clothesline into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into the Walls in the middle though, sending Cena on the long crawl to the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in but Cena makes the rope on the second attempt to a rather loud reaction. Cena’s back is good enough to try a super AA but Jericho slips out and grabs another suplex for another two. An argument with the referee lets Cena grab the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they drew the crowd into it and it turned into a heck of a match by the end. Cena is showing some signs of brilliance in these big matches and Jericho has more than shown that he can hang with anyone so this was a benefit to both of them. Good match here as Cena is becoming a bigger and bigger star every single week.

We recap JBL vs. Batista (hometown boy) for the Smackdown World Title. JBL beat him by DQ last month so now it’s No Holds Barred. Not much more to it than that as JBL isn’t quite the believable challenger.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Batista is defending and it’s No Holds Barred. We get the JBL dollars raining from the ceiling during JBL’s entrance. The fight starts at the entrance with Batista ramming him into various things. A fire extinguisher into the face drops Batista though and JBL punches him around the barricade, only to have Batista spear him through said barricade.

They get inside for the first time with JBL kicking him in the head, followed by some whipping with a belt. Back up and Batista charges into a boot in the corner, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for two. JBL slides in the steps and this isn’t going to end well. The powerbomb off the steps is countered into a backdrop off of them and Batista hits the spinebuster. There’s the Batista Bomb but Batista doesn’t cover. Another Batista Bomb onto the steps retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it was way better than their previous match as it didn’t go on forever, though the stipulation wasn’t exactly used. They went with the definitive ending here as Batista completely beat him, which is all it should have been. JBL was never a threat to Batista and now they can both move on to something else, with both of them going in the proper direction.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. They teamed a handful of times and then Shawn superkicked him on the Fourth of July. Shawn said he had to know and the match was made. Everything went spiraling out of control after that though, with Shawn turning it into a weird near shoot on Hogan’s career while Hogan just referenced Bret Hart and screwjobs a few times. Shawn has carried this feud on his back and it’s going to be interesting to see how they get to the big boot and legdrop.

Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hogan has the big flag out for the entrance. It’s a long staredown to start before Hogan shoves him away and shows off the biceps. Hogan shoves him down a few more times and Shawn is already frustrated. A headlock works a bit better for Shawn until a shoulder sends him into a backflip through the ropes as the overselling is already strong. Back in and Shawn knees him in the ribs but gets put on top so Hogan can kick him in the ribs.

Shawn bounces as high into the air as he can for a crotching, before a ram into the buckle gives us a bump that Mr. Perfect would think is too much. A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor where he rolls backwards again, gets up and falls back down. Shawn manages a kick to the face though and starts chopping away in the corner. The slap to the face does not go well so Shawn does it again before chopping even more. A third slap earns Shawn a right hand out to the floor but they both get posted with Hogan staggering around a lot.

Shawn posts him again but still can’t put Hogan down so it’s time for some left hands to the head. Some right hands in the corner get Shawn shoved down again (make it twice), only to have him finally punch Hogan down (you don’t see that too often). Hogan is finally busted open and Shawn grabs the sleeper to follow the Randy Savage formula from Wrestlemania V. Shawn’s arm is covered in blood as Hogan suplexes his way to freedom.

The forearm into the nipup lets Shawn drop the elbow (OH YEAH indeed) but this one misses (leave it to Savage kid). Hogan slugs away but Shawn tries another forearm, which takes out the referee. The fans want Bret (fair enough after the promos building this up) but Shawn is up first and heads to the top, only to come back down for a terrible Sharpshooter (even Rock’s is better than that).

Another referee comes in and Hogan very slowly makes it to the rope. Hogan kicks him into the second referee and everyone is down again. A low blow drops Hogan and a chair to the head finally lets Shawn hit the elbow. Sweet Chin Music connects for two but Hogan kicks out, Hulks Up, punches away and finishes with the big boot and legdrop. So that’s how they got there.

Rating: B-. The match was a weird one (YOU THINK?) as Shawn was doing his over the top selling and turning it into a joke at first but then it settled into a match with a pretty simple formula that hit the high points but didn’t exactly break the mold. Hogan was the definitive winner here and Shawn hit everything he could without being able to finish Hogan off. I liked it well enough and it’s certainly a dream match, but it’s two matches in one and that’s a little distracting.

Post match Hogan poses but Shawn stops him to make everything nice. Shawn says he had to know and, as usual, wrestlers are rather forgiving about the whole situation. It’s more posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all over the place with some good wrestling and action but a lot of things that felt like they should have been so much more. It’s an enjoyable show and something I’d watch again down the line, but it felt like they were going for a stacked show and as it is, it’s just pretty good. Fix some of the bigger holes and it’s a great one, but I’ll take what I can get after a build that wasn’t their best work.

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 2004 (2019 Redo): THUD

Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the second biggest show of the year and that could go multiple ways. Smackdown has been getting better as of late but it’s still not very good. Raw has had its moments, but with the second biggest match from the red show being HHH vs. Eugene, they’re working underneath a pretty low ceiling. Let’s get to it.

The theme is the Summer Games, giving us an Olympic themed opening. I’ve always liked these as they’re actually rather entertaining.

The opening video looks at the big matches, but Diva Dodgeball is in the middle, even before the Intercontinental Title and Smackdown World Title matches. I’m thinking no on that one.

Dudley Boys vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio

Spike recently joined his brothers and since there are no other teams on Smackdown, Kidman and London are still feuding with the Dudleys. Rey just walks out to his music, which takes a lot of the impact away. D-Von hammers on Kidman to start but gets armdragged down for his efforts. London comes in for an assisted moonsault and the dropkick gets two.

A rather hard clothesline takes London down and it’s off to Spike for some screaming stomps in the corner. Bubba comes in for the trash talking elbow drop and the villains start taking turns working on London. Straight right hands break up the comeback attempt but Bubba hits D-Von by mistake. Spike gets kicked away and that’s enough for the tag off to Mysterio.

The springboard legdrop gets two on Spike and a hurricanrana out of the corner makes things even worse. A reverse DDT plants D-Von and it’s back to Kidman for a top rope back elbow to Spike. Everything breaks down and a BK Bomb gets two on Spike. Bubba gets double dropkicked to the floor and Spike takes a Hart Attack of all things. The 619 sends Spike into the shooting star from Billy for two with D-Von making the save. Back in and Kidman walks into the 3D to give Spike the pin.

Rating: C. Well that was a dumb ending. You have Spike as Cruiserweight Champion and have him pin a Tag Team Champion to open one of the biggest shows of the year? You couldn’t have Rey pin D-Von here to let the fans feel good? This didn’t help anything other than building Spike up, which was done as well as it was going to be with the Cruiserweight Title win. Bad decision here, in a match that didn’t need to have this kind of a finish.

We recap Kane vs. Matt Hardy. Lita slept with Kane to get him to leave Matt alone, actually being stupid enough to believe it would work. As a result Lita is pregnant but still loves Matt. Therefore, she’s marrying the winner of this match. Somehow, not even the most bizarre stipulation in Summerslam history.

Kane vs. Matt Hardy

Matt goes straight at him to start and hits what I guess was a middle rope Side Effect for two. The middle rope legdrop to the back of the head gets the same and a weird looking tornado DDT (with Matt landing on his stomach) gets the third two. Kane finally hits a clothesline to take over but a Lita distraction lets Matt low bridge him to the floor.

The slingshot dive sets up a Twist of Fate for nine and probably the best chance Matt had. Lita throws in the bell and distracts the very stupid referee so Matt can clock Kane for two. Kane kicks him in the face and goes up but gets caught by Matt. That’s fine with Kane, who hits a super chokeslam for the pin and Lita’s hand.

Rating: D. Short and bad here, with Matt having less than no chance throughout. Matt has been destroyed and turned into an idiot this whole feud and Kane winning in the end was the only way it could go. Now just get to the wedding, which is destined to be the most entertaining part of this whole thing. The match was nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw but with a nice looking ending. That’s also Matt’s last WWE match for about a year as he had a bad knee injury and was then released in April.

Randy Orton doesn’t want to hear about anyone being upset because tonight is a night for celebration. John Cena cuts him off and promises him some merch. He’s an Orton fan, but a quick fan poll seems to suggest that they don’t agree with him. And so it begins.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #1 in a best of five series for Booker’s US Title. They slug it out to start with Cena hitting a clothesline for one. Cena gets in the Throwback for two so Booker crotches him on top to cut that off in a hurry. Booker throws in a You Can’t See Me and drops a knee for no cover. A jumping kick to the face cuts off Cena’s early comeback and it’s a camel clutch to keep things slow.

That’s broken up so Booker goes with a spinebuster and side slam to drop Cena again. The ax kick misses though and Cena hits his running clothesline out of the corner. That just earns him a flapjack into a Spinarooni but Cena hits a quick FU for the pin, ignoring Booker’s shoulder being way off the mat.

Rating: D+. That’s the third straight fast match here and that’s not a good thing on a show like this. They didn’t even have seven minutes here, which is the kind of match that could have been on Smackdown instead of wasting it on this show. Cena is likely losing the next two matches to put him in a hole which is fine, but I could have gone for a better start to this thing.

Eric Bischoff (“the head cracker in charge of Raw”) comes in to see Theodore Long and points out the revolving door to the Smackdown GM office. Bischoff advises him to enjoy it while it lasts but Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Intercontinental Title: Batista vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Hometown boy Edge is defending and Batista is on fire at the moment. Speaking of Batista, he knocks Edge off the apron during his entrance and we hit the Y2J chants early on. A hard elbow knocks Jericho down and a shoulder does it again. Edge comes back in with a chop block to break up the Batista Bomb though and it’s time for some Canadian violence on Batista. Snake Eyes gets Batista out of trouble but Jericho grabs his boot to slow him down a bit.

A clothesline puts Batista outside and leaves Edge alone in the ring….where he’s booed out of the building. Well that’s rather surprising. Batista gets sent face first into the steps and we’re down to Jericho vs. Edge in the ring. Edge gets the better of the fight but gets loudly booed when loading up the Edgecution. The Walls attempt gets a much better reaction, though Edge reversing into a small package isn’t as well received. Back up and Jericho pokes him in the eye, setting up the full Walls of Jericho.

The hold is pulled back into the middle until Batista finally makes a save with the clothesline. Edge takes Batista down with an Edgecution for two as Jericho is banged up on the floor. The spear is loaded up but for some reason Jericho cuts Edge down on the way to Batista. A spinebuster gives Batista two on Jericho but this time it’s Edge sending the big man outside. That gives us another battle of the Canadians and another loud Y2J chant. Batista gets dropkicked off the apron but the distraction lets Edge spear Jericho down to retain.

Rating: D+. The odd crowd reactions threw things off here, though they’re not quite as out there as you might think when you remember Edge teasing a heel turn as of late. Now that being said, you would think the hometown deal would be enough to overcome the recent cheating but that wasn’t the case here. On top of that, the match didn’t have a ton of heat and was a string of one on one matches instead of all three at once. Edge retaining is fine, though Batista is getting bigger and bigger every week.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. Eddie cheated (kind of) to win at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for about five months. Angle is back now, though while he was on the shelf he cost Eddie the WWE Championship so Eddie is out for revenge and to prove that he can hang with Angle on an even playing field. This has been the best set up feud for the whole show and the match should be able to live up to the hype.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Angle has Luther Reigns with him. Feeling out process to start as the odd fans are cheering for Angle here. Shockingly enough Angle is more than fine against Eddie on the mat so Eddie tries for the ankle. He’ll settle for a headlock instead so Angle reverses into a quick keylock. Eddie armdrags him straight into an armbar but it’s time to start the rolling German suplexes. That doesn’t work either as Eddie reverses the second into the ankle lock as the wrestling lesson continues. Angle reverses into the real thing but Eddie puts his own on at the same time. It doesn’t last long, though cool idea there.

A rope finally saves Eddie so Reigns gets in a cheap shot like a good lackey should do. That means another ankle lock before Angle finally switches gears a bit for something close to an STF. With Eddie down, Angle starts untying Eddie’s boot but the delay lets Eddie get in a kick to the face. It’s right back to Eddie’s ankle until Eddie gets in an Angle Slam of his own. Eddie makes his comeback with right hands but the ankle isn’t exactly sturdy.

It’s fine enough for the Three Amigos so Eddie goes up for the frog splash, only to get caught with the running belly to belly superplex. Angle’s Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and another frog splash attempt misses. The Angle Slam gets two so Angle rips the boot off to set up the ankle lock again.

The roll through sends Angle into the referee so Eddie hits Angle and Reigns with the boot. Of course Eddie throws the boot away and falls down instead of hitting a frog splash, which would have made more sense. Eddie hits the frog splash for two a few seconds later and yells at the referee on the kickout. That’s enough for Angle to pick the ankle and put on the grapevine to make Eddie tap.

Rating: C+. What exactly are they saving all the time for on this show? That’s the first match to break thirteen minutes and nothing else has even hit nine. There are three matches left on the card and nearly an hour and a half left in the show, but nothing has even hit fifteen minutes yet. Did Diva Dodgeball need the extra time?

Anyway, this wasn’t all that great as the first few minutes were looking like the start of a thirty minute classic but then they just jumped the stolen finishers (which is becoming a rather tired trope) and had Angle break the ankle down for the win. This was dying for another eight minutes of build towards the finish but for some reason this show has to go as fast as it can because of reasons.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. HHH found out that Eugene was his favorite wrestler and agreed to use him to help get the World Title if HHH could eventually make Eugene want to quit. In other words, it was a story that was way more complicated than it needed to be and Eugene, who started off as a very fun, unique character has turned into the clueless putz that cost HHH the title. Therefore, HHH must destroy him to prove that he’s better than a mentally disabled person who doesn’t know how to wrestle but imitates wrestling he watched on TV as a kid. In the second biggest Raw match on Summerslam. Of course.

HHH vs. Eugene

No one is at ringside for a bit of a surprise. HHH wins an early slugout but Eugene elbows him in the face so it’s time head outside. That means a chance for HHH to hide behind Lilian Garcia, allowing him to take over again. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Eugene blocks a suplex to the floor. Some right hands in the corner set up a Flair Flop and HHH has a bad knee. Believe it or not, it’s a way for HHH to sucker Eugene in again and outsmart him for a cheap shot.

A backbreaker keeps Eugene in trouble as JR freaks out of the fake injury. He certainly must have loathed Bret Hart then. The fans think Eugene sucks so his comeback isn’t exactly well received. HHH offers a handshake but this time Eugene is ready for him and pulls it into a Rock Bottom. The People’s Elbow is countered with the spinebuster to a face pop as the trip into the bizarre continues. HHH chokes away and it’s back to the floor for a whip into the steps.

Back in and HHH slowly beats on him, setting up the sleeper because this match needed a sleeper. Eugene escapes and hits a backdrop, followed by a middle finger and the Stunner. That’s enough to send HHH outside for a breather though and here’s Ric Flair because HHH is actually in trouble. The big boot into the legdrop connects but Flair gets knocked off the apron. Eugene goes up top and dives into the Pedigree but spins out, setting up a Pedigree on HHH instead. Flair puts his foot on the rope so it’s just a two, earning an ejection. Cue William Regal to knock Flair cold with the brass knuckles as the Pedigree finishes Eugene.

Rating: D. Well thank goodness for that. After a few months of getting frustrated, the great and mighty HHH came back and beat the comedy act in a match at one of the biggest show of the year. All it cost Eugene was all of the good will he built up too, but at least HHH got the big win. This whole story was really stupid and a huge waste of time, which really doesn’t work when it boils down to HHH needing almost fifteen minutes to beat a comedy guy. It was just bad all around and didn’t help anyone other than HHH, who didn’t get that much out of it anyway.

And then, Diva Dodgeball with the Diva Search girls basically in swimsuits while the Raw women are in matching gear. Before the game starts, Coach tells us about some trash talk that happened after Raw went off the air. They proceed to play dodgeball, which is in no way shape or form an excuse to have good looking women in barely existing clothing running around. The Diva Search girls dominate and win. Trish yells about the refereeing and then blames Victoria, triggering a fight. This took up nearly six minutes, which is about seven minutes too long.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Undertaker

No recap for this one because the build hasn’t exactly been thrilling. JBL won the title earlier in the summer and needed an opponent so Undertaker showed up. For some reason JBL decided he wasn’t afraid of Undertaker and brought out a mini version, who Undertaker wound up beating up instead. Then JBL brought in Orlando Jordan as his Chief of Staff because he needed a designated lackey.

Undertaker knocks him to the floor early on and the beating begins, including JBL’s arm going into the steps. Back in and JBL hits a quick swinging neckbreaker before going up top for a good looking top rope shoulder. An armbar doesn’t get JBL anywhere so Undertaker pulls on the arm as well and hits Old School. Undertaker grabs an ugly triangle choke until Jordan pulls the foot under the rope.

With that not working, Undertaker hits a big boot to JBL but misses a running version in the corner to let JBL take out the knee. The leg is wrapped around the post and a Jordan distraction lets JBL smash the leg with a chair. Undertaker gets sent into the barricade so Jordan can get in a few shots before sending him inside. The fans start the Wave as the leg work continues.

The leglock goes on as JBL is smart enough to just throw on a hold and let the fans die down. It’s not exactly thrilling for the fans at home but it’s a smart idea here. Undertaker fights out and pulls JBL down into a quickly broken kneebar. They head outside again with Undertaker hitting the apron legdrop. The announcers start chanting for the Spanish table but JBL snaps the throat across the top for a breather. Again JBL takes too long going up though and it’s a superplex for two.

Jordan throws the belt in for a shot to the head and the very delayed near fall with Jordan grabbing the hand to slap the mat. Undertaker finally beats up Jordan but eats another Clothesline From JBL. With the referee still down, JBL rains down right hands in the corner which is only done to set up the Last Ride. Jordan is back in with the belt so Undertaker takes it away and hits JBL for the DQ.

Rating: D. The thing is, it’s not even the worst match in the world. It felt like it was straight out of the HHH/Ric Flair Greatest Hits playbook with Jordan being the worst Flair impersonator of all time. The leg work was fine and JBL still wasn’t horrible yet, but the ending was pretty lame with Jordan being pathetic and JBL’s finisher not being able to do much damage. It’s not so much horrible or even bad as much as it is uninteresting and uninspired, which made for a very long seventeen minutes.

Post match the beatdown continues with the bloody JBL being chokeslammed through the roof of the limo. JBL does a stretcher job, guaranteeing a rematch. Of note: at some point during the match, a fan tried to climb onto the limo and security kept him from not only, you know, climbing onto the limo but also breaking the roof and injuring himself/ruining the spot.

Cole shows us a replay and tells us to listen. There’s no sound.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging after winning a battle royal and pinning Benoit in a tag match. Here’s your exchange that would never happen today: Lawler: “Hey JR you got a camera on you?” JR, dripping with sarcasm: “Yeah right here in my pocket.” The fans are all over Earl Hebner with the YOU SCREWED BRET chants as they stare each other down at the bell. Benoit drives him into the corner and takes Orton down for a rather early chinlock. A test of strength goes to Orton but he misses a knee drop.

Benoit is right back with the armbar and armdrags him down into another armbar. That’s reversed as well with Orton grabbing a Sharpshooter of his own. Benoit slips out of that and tries a Crossface, sending Orton to the floor where he posts Benoit to really take over. A second posting keeps the champ down and Orton drapes him over the top rope for good measure.

Something like a DDT on the apron gets Benoit out of trouble but he misses a dive through the ropes, sending himself HARD into the barricade. Back in and Orton hits the over the shoulder neckbreaker for two, followed by the chinlock. Benoit fights up for stereo crossbodies but gets up first for a northern lights suplex. A release German suplex has Orton in more trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on.

That’s good for two arm drops until Orton makes the rope so they’re both exhausted. Some rolling German suplexes put Orton down again but he gets his feet up to block the Swan Dive (FREAKING OW MAN!). The cover is countered into a Crossface but Orton rolls out. Back up and Benoit tries it again but Orton spins him around into the RKO for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a masterpiece but it was a good, long, well put together match with a completely clean ending that made Orton look like the better man. The new heel on top is long overdue and it’s nice to see Orton, who has gotten a lot better in a hurry, win the title here. Benoit’s title reign was very respectable and he beat HHH a few times, which is about as good as you’re going to get. It’s a rather good main event, though not exactly a classic.

Post match Benoit gets back in and shakes his hand, demanding that Orton be a man. Orton shakes his hand and Benoit leaves in peace, allowing Orton to pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is two different halves and it’s as noticeable as you’re ever going to see. The first four matches are all short and need more time while the remaining four, as in the big matches, either fail to live up to the hype or just aren’t very good in the first place. This show needed to be reshuffled a bit with some extra time being given to a few other matches. Stuff like Diva Dodgeball and the opener could have been cut to give the time to other matches. It would have done the show a lot of good, but there was only so much this show could do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – July 21, 2008: Cool For The Summerslam

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 21, 2008
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So it’s been a bit since I’ve been on these but I might as well at least get through Summerslam. The Great American Bash has wrapped up and the big story is that CM Punk is still the Raw World Champion after going to a double DQ with Batista. At the same time, he is probably also going to have to deal with Kane, who attacked Punk after the match, and John Bradshaw Layfield, who actually beat John Cena. Let’s get to it.

Here is the Great American Bash if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Great American Bash, or at least the main event scene on the Raw side.

Batista is in the production truck and doesn’t like the recap of Kane attacking him.

Opening sequence.

Here is a ticked off Batista to get things going. He planned on coming out here as the new World Heavyweight Champion but then Kane got involved to cost him that title match. Since the McMahons aren’t here now, he’s going to put himself in charge, meaning he’ll be getting a rematch for the title against CM Punk. If anyone has a problem with that….and here is JBL on the Titantron to interrupt.

JBL asks why Batista should get the World Title match when he lost last night. He is entitled to the next World Title shot, but Batista thinks JBL should come out here and discuss that idea. JBL is banged up though and it’s feeling that tonight…so here is CM Punk to interrupt. Punk doesn’t want to hear from JBL right now (JBL is aghast) because he isn’t happy with Kane either.

Punk wanted to prove that he was the better man last night against Batista….so let’s do it again tonight. JBL rants on the Titantron but Batista says cut his mic. Punk is on for the match against Batista, with the title on the line, tonight. There are a bunch of matches to be had out of here and that is certainly one of them.

Jenny McCarthy welcomes us to join her in the ring to fight autism on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Oh dear.

Here is Shawn Michaels……’ music, with Lance Cade coming out instead. Cade used to look up to him as his mentor, but then things changed. He wants Shawn out here right now to have some words but here is Paul London instead.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

London slugs away to start and jumps over him in the corner but Cade is right back with a backbreaker. London’s back gets bent over Cade’s knee for a bit before Cade sends him ribs first into the post. The sitout Rock Bottom spinebuster finishes London in a hurry to complete what was more or less a squash.

Post match Cade says that since Michaels won’t come out here, we’ll have Chris Jericho come out instead. Jericho says Michaels isn’t coming out tonight and he won’t be coming back. We look at Jericho beating Michaels the previous night via stoppage due to Michaels’ eye being destroyed, complete with the big dramatic music.

Back in the ring, Jericho talks about how Michaels knew how bad things were going to be and got in the ring anyway because he had to take another chance. Jericho talks about all of Michaels’ injuries, including a detached retina, which means he will never be able to see properly again. The thing is though that when Michaels’ eye closed, Jericho’s opened instead. Michaels never mentored Jericho, and now he is happy with what he did last night. The lack of remorse here was rather good and that has some potential, especially whenever Michaels gets back.

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Kelly slips behind her to start and sweeps the leg but a rollup is easily blocked. Phoenix muscles her up for a slam and we hit something like a seated abdominal stretch. That’s broken up and Kelly’s enziguri his shoulder, setting up the screaming headscissors. The handspring elbow is loaded up and quickly blocked though, setting up the Glam Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. This felt like it was more about Kelly getting in some offense instead of being wrecked by Beth, which was quite the surprise. Beth already beat Santino Marella last week so it is clear that she is in for something big, though Kelly certainly got a focus here. She has a lot of the tools already and if she can get the in-ring aspect down, it could go rather well for her.

Here is Jim Duggan for a chat. He isn’t going to take up much time, but he is thinking about hanging up his boots. Last week, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes said this was a game for young men, and maybe his time has passed by. He wanted to come out here and say thank you, but Jerry Lawler cuts him off. There is no age limit around here and Duggan can keep going as long as he wants to. Duggan can do something that Barack Obama and John McCain would love to do: get people to stand up and cheer USA. Duggan seems to like that and says no, he doesn’t want to give it up.

Cue Rhodes and DiBiase, with the latter thinking this is amazing. Just because Lawler likes to date women younger than him, he doesn’t get to explain things. Rhodes says he was two and a half years old when Duggan won the Royal Rumble, but they weren’t even alive when Lawler slapped Andy Kaufman. Lawler demonstrates the slap and DiBiase has to hold Cody back. For now though, they can deal with this later, but watch what’s about to happen.

Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase/John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Cryme Tyme/John Cena

Both Cena and JBL are rather banged up after last night but they start things off….with JBL handing it off to Cody instead. Cena punches him in the face and gets two off the bulldog before stopping to glare at JBL. Gaspard comes in for two off an elbow and a rather hard clothesline in the corner.

It’s off to DiBiase, who is quickly suplexed for two as the one sidedness continues. JTG comes in but gets caught with a cheap shot, which is enough for JBL to come in for a change. The big shoulder drops JTG and it’s back to Cody for the bearhug. That’s broken up due to reasons of it’s Cody doing a bearhug but DiBiase comes in to cut off the tag.

A middle rope double stomp gets two and Cody adds a top rope knee to the ribs. DiBiase drops some elbows on the ribs and grabs a bodyscissors as the villains certainly have a target here. JTG finally fights up and hits a quick dropkick for a breather. Cody comes ni but misses a charge into the post, allowing the tag off to Cena to start the house cleaning. JBL bails through the crowd, leaving Cena to fireman’s carry both Cody and DiBiase at the same time. Cody gets tossed and the FU finishes DiBiase.

Rating: C+. The heat segment on JTG was pretty long but Cena coming in to smash people is always worth a glance. While I could have gone without one of the Tag Team Champions losing, getting pinned by Cena is hardly the end of a career. Cryme Tyme continues to do well as Cena’s friends and that is certainly better than what they had been doing.

Chris Jericho and Lance Cade are going to lave but run into Kane, who still has that mask.

Various celebrities support Jenny McCarthy’s autism charity, which is working with WWE.

Mickie James/Kofi Kingston vs. Paul Burchill/Katie Lea

Mickie knocks Katie into the corner to start so Burchill comes in for some glaring. Kingston high crossbodies him to break that up but Burchill hammers him down rather quickly. The leg cranking goes on for a bit before Kingston is up with a sunset flip for two. The women start brawling on the floor so Burchill breaks it up before ducking Trouble In Paradise, which hits the post. Back in and the Wicked Sister gives Burchill the pin.

Rating: C+. This had some nice high spots from Kingston but it was mainly there for Burchill to get the pin, likely setting up a title match. That could be fine for a one off match, though I’m not sure if Burchill is going to be the biggest threat. He’ll do for now though, even if Lea might not be so equal to James.

Jamie Noble is hitting on Layla when Batista comes in to ask if Noble has seen Kane. That’s a rather rude no, so Batista chokes Noble and says if he sees Kane, let him know that Batista is looking for him.

CM Punk says if he goes down, he’s going down swinging. JBL comes in to say he wants the World Title shot at Summerslam. He threatens to make Punk a transitional champion but Punk points out that he already beat JBL. Glaring ensues.

We look at Chris Jericho damaging Shawn Michaels’ eye again last night. It’s the same footage from earlier.

Here is Santino Marella for an open challenge. Well open to anyone but women that is.

Santino Marella vs. D’Lo Brown

Well there’s a surprise and cue Beth Phoenix to watch. Brown throws him into the corner and there’s a suplex to put him down again. A basement clothesline sets up the Low Down to give Brown the easy pin.

Post match Brown leaves so Phoenix gets in the ring and decks Marella. She wants a fight and they do a standing switch….then they stare at each other and kiss. As it tends to go.

Toby Keith doesn’t like autism, but he does like Jenny McCarty trying to fight autism.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. CM Punk

Batista is challenging…and here is Kane before the match gets started. The brawl is on, with Punk running in and getting beaten down as well. After some questions from the referee and the Big Match Intros, we’re ready to go. Punk’s headlock doesn’t last long as Batista kicks him in he face to take over.

Back up and Punk gets in a neckbreaker and kicks away for two. A drop toehold lets Punk take him down and hammer away as the fans don’t seem thrilled so far. Punk fires off some knees to the back and puts on a choke, which is broken up even faster. The Figure Four necklock goes on for a bit before Punk hits a running knee to the face for two more. The running knee into the bulldog gets two but Punk’s springboard clothesline is spinebustered out of the air. Batista fires off the shoulders in the corner and hits the spear, only for JBL to come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This really didn’t work and that might be because Punk was on offense for so much of it. Punk beating on Batista is only so easy to believe in the first place and it doesn’t help when he’s already presented as an underdog champion. On top of that, you had the fans waiting on what was likely going to be some kind of run in, so there was only so much reason to get into things here.

Post match John Cena runs in to go after JBL but hits Batista by mistake. Cena and Batista have to be held back and there’s Summerslam.

Overall Rating: C+. This show wasn’t so much about doing anything here but rather about setting the pieces up for later. You can pretty clearly see Batista vs. Cena being set up at the end, which leaves JBL to challenge Punk because we’re that lucky. Other than that we probably have another Jericho vs. Michaels match coming up, which makes for a heck of a top of the card on the Raw side. Not a great show here, but it has set the stage for the good ones later.

 

 

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Smackdown – April 26, 2024 (Draft Night One): They Can Do Better

Smackdown
Date: April 26, 2024
Location: Heritage Bank Center, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Corey Graves, Wade Barrett

It’s time for the Draft and that means we will be seeing sixteen picks tonight, which could make for quite the shakeup. Only half of the roster is available to be selected tonight with the other half taking place on Monday Night Raw. We are also eight days away from Backlash and the show could use a boost. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Note that I was in the arena for this show, sitting in the upper seats, looking straight at a corner post with the entrance on my right.

Here are the Draft Rules:

• Raw, Smackdown and NXT stars are eligible
• Four rounds tonight, Six rounds on Raw
• Four picks per round
• Champions are protected
• Smackdown picks first tonight, Raw picks first on Monday
• The rosters lock May 6

Paul Heyman explains that Roman Reigns is voluntarily pulling out of the Draft because he doesn’t want to hog the #1 spot while he is not going to be around for a good while. That means Nick Aldis needs to make a new star and Heyman is intrigued.

NXT is excited about potential callups.

Corey Graves is in the ring to moderate a contract signing between AJ Styles and Cody Rhodes. Styles says it is time for some Georgia boys to fight. Their paths have not crossed before but Styles respects Cody for making a name for himself outside of WWE, just like Cody did. Styles learned a lot from Dusty Rhodes, including how to carry the title. At Backlash, we find out if Cody can carry it.

Styles signs, leaving Cody to talk about how there is respect between them. But when he signs this contract, it becomes a must win. Cody signs, leaving Styles to say the title reign ends at Backlash. Not much to this, but it’s not supposed to be some big epic story. That being said (and I wish I could take credit for this), at some point Cody is going to face someone who didn’t know Dusty and I have no idea what they are going to talk about.

With Styles gone, here is HHH to announce the first picks, with Cody joining him.

Smackdown
1. Bianca Belair
2. Carmelo Hayes (From NXT)

Monday Night Raw
1. Jey Uso
2. Seth Rollins

Cue Carmelo Hayes, who (after shrugging off some WHOOP THAT TRICK chants, a reference to his rivalry with Trick Williams in NXT) has been hearing Cody talk about how if you come at the king, you best not miss. Hayes never misses, and he’s shooting his shot against Cody tonight. Cody is in and we have a main event.

Legado del Fantasma vs. LWO

That would be Berto/Angelo vs. Rey Mysterio/Dragon Lee in this instance. Berto drops Lee to start but Lee is right back up with some elbows to the face. Angel low bridges Lee to the floor though and we take an early break. Back with Rey getting the hot tag and hitting a top rope seated senton. Berto is sent to the floor and it’s the 619 into Project Dragon to give Lee the pin on Angel at 5:26. Not enough shown to rate but it was a quick and to the point match, which really didn’t need a break.

Post match Santos Escobar pops up to say he is not a liar. That’s why he has had Elektra Lopez find the security footage of Dragon Lee being attacked. The footage shows Carlito, of the LWO that is, attacking Lee, and then jumping back in to act like he found him. Carlito lays out the LWO, making him the heel that he should have been a LONG time ago.

Bron Breakker vs. Cedric Alexander

Spear finishes Alexander at 15 seconds.

We look at Tiffany Stratton breaking up last week’s Women’s Title match.

Stratton tells Nick Aldis she should get the next Women’s Title match but Aldis has another idea. Bayley has suggested Naomi vs. Stratton for the title shot, with Stratton suggesting that Bayley be at ringside. Deal.

Here are Michelle McCool and Torrie Wilson for the next picks.

Smackdown
3. Randy Orton
4. Nia Jax

Monday Night Raw
3. Bron Breakker
4. Liv Morgan

The fact that Jax has “former model” as the third fact in her bio tells you a lot. Yes she’s a model, but apparently there wasn’t a third thing about her career worth mentioning.

We look at the Bloodline attacking Kevin Owens last week.

The Bloodline arrives and Solo Sikoa asks Paul Heyman if they have been drafted. Heyman recaps the Roman Reigns issue and says no one has drafted the Bloodline because they don’t know who it includes. Tama Tonga shows up and here is Kevin Owens to brawl with him.

Here is Bianca Belair for a chat. She is ready to win the Women’s Tag Team Titles with Jade Cargill to continue ending Damage CTRL. Cue the Kabuki Warriors but Jade Cargill cuts them off. Cue Kevin Owens and Tama Tonga to brawl to the ring, with Solo Sikoa joining them. Randy Orton comes in for the save and the Bloodline bails after a brawl.

Here are the Dudley Boyz for round three.

Smackdown

5. LA Knight
6. Bloodline

Monday Night Raw

5. Ricochet
6. Sheamus

Tiffany Stratton vs. Naomi

Bayley is at ringside. Naomi starts fast so Stratton bails to the floor, where Naomi hits a baseball slide. Back in and Stratton hits a running hip attack to the back of the head, only for Naomi to tie her up in the ropes. A jumping faceplant sends Stratton outside and Naomi dives onto her as we take a break. Back with Stratton getting two off a spinebuster but Naomi grabs a headscissors driver for the same. They both grab swinging faceplants for a double knockdown…and here is Nia Jax to jump Bayley on commentary. Naomi goes out for the save and gets sent into the post for the DQ at 6:18.

Rating: C+. This didn’t have much time to get anywhere but the biggest problem is Jax being around. She brought things down on Raw and now she is going to get to do it again here. That is hardly the best news imaginable and it wouldn’t shock me to see her added to the title match at Backlash. Either that or get the next one after that. Either way, it doesn’t give me hope for the future of the division.

Post match Jax leaves and Stratton hits Bayley and Naomi with the Prettiest Moonsault Ever.

The Street Profits and B Fab are ready to win the Tag Team Titles next week. Cue A Town Down Under, who mock the Cincinnati Bengals, and get scared off by Bobby Lashley.

The Final Testament attacks the New Catch Republic. Karrion Kross promises to continue the violence no matter what.

Here are Teddy Long and JBL for the final picks.

Smackdown

7. AJ Styles
8. Andrade

Monday Night Raw

7. Alpha Academy
8. Kiana James (From NXT)

Here are the final picks:

Smackdown
1. Bianca Belair
2. Carmelo Hayes (From NXT)
3. Randy Orton
4. Nia Jax
5. LA Knight
6. Bloodline
7. AJ Styles
8. Andrade

Monday Night Raw
1. Jey Uso
2. Seth Rollins
3. Bron Breakker
4. Liv Morgan
5. Ricochet
6. Sheamus
7. Alpha Academy
8. Kiana James (From NXT)

Video on Kiana James (which is good, as the fans were silent after her name was called).

James is in NXT and is ready to show what got her this far. Shawn Michaels comes in for the hug.

Nick Aldis announces Bayley defending against Tiffany Stratton and Naomi at Backlash. He brings in Teddy Long to announce the Bloodline vs. Randy Orton/Kevin Owens.

Here’s what’s coming next week.

Carmelo Hayes vs. Cody Rhodes

Non-title. Hayes starts fast with a springboard clothesline, only to get knocked outside as we take a break less than a minute in. Back with Hayes escaping a headlock and elbowing Rhodes into the corner. They trade chops in the corner with Rhodes getting the better of things, only to have Hayes come back with a spinning faceplant.

The springboard DDT gets two but Rhodes is back with a Disaster Kick for two. Rhodes goes old school with a running powerslam for two more, followed by the Cody Cutter for the same. Hayes is back with the First 48 (Codebreaker) but they both try springboards at the same time and miss (Rhodes seemed to come up favoring his shoulder). Rhodes has had it and grabs Cross Rhodes for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: B-. The only thing that matters right now is Rhodes’ shoulder, which hopefully is just banged up and not seriously hurt. They went home in a hurry after the landing but at the same time, they were only going to be able to go so much longer. Hayes looked good here, but that has been the case with his previous Smackdown previews. Nice main event here, as Hayes gets to rub elbows with the big star.

AJ Styles comes in after the match for a rather intense handshake but no violence as the show ends.

Overall Rating: C+. Obviously this was a show where the wrestling wasn’t the point, but this was kind of a dull show. They did a bunch of stuff for Backlash and it still isn’t enough to shake off the feeling that it is a glorified house show. The Draft stuff was just kind of there, with Hayes and Breakker feeling important and not much else. I didn’t dislike the show, but I was expecting a good bit more than what we got here.

Results
LWO b. Legado del Fantasma – Project Dragon to Angel
Bron Breakker b. Cedric Alexander – Spear
Naomi b. Tiffany Stratton via DQ when Nia Jax interfered
Cody Rhodes b. Carmelo Hayes – Cross Rhodes

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.