IMG Credit: WWE

No Way Out 2005
Date: February 20, 2005
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a different kind of show as there is little doubt about where things are going for Wrestlemania but they’re trying to keep up the pretense of some surprises that could still come. That includes a barbed wire steel cage match with JBL defending the World Title against Big Show and a #1 contenders match between John Cena and Kurt Angle. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the barbed wire cage, which is now as demonic as the Cell. They really need to find a better steel structure manufacturer.

The announcers talk about how Batista is going to be here tonight and could get involved in the main event. As usual, cages mean nothing around here.

Tag Team Titles: Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are defending and Eddie joined Rey as a replacement partner for the injured Rob Van Dam. Eddie and Danny start things off with Danny being very proud to have SOD (for Secretary of Defense) on his tights. A takedown brings Danny down and it’s time to crank on the leg a little bit. Rey comes in to work on the arm but gets driven into the corner for the tag off to Doug.

That doesn’t last long either as it’s right back to Eddie to knock Doug outside. Danny comes back in for a crossarm choke as the fans are right behind Eddie, to the surprise of almost no one. Doug pulls Eddie away from the tag and drops some elbows, followed by a powerslam for one as Rey makes a very fast save. A missed elbow allows the tag off to Rey though and a DDT gets two on Doug.

The referee goes to yell at Eddie though and the Bashams make the switch so Rey can get in trouble for a bit. A full nelson into a waistlock keeps Mysterio down and Eddie comes in for a failed save attempt. That just means more choking on Mysterio as the heat segment goes on. Rey finally gets in some elbows and a top rope moonsault press gets two. That’s still not enough to for a tag though and it’s Danny grabbing a chinlock.

Eddie can’t reach for the tag so he goes over to the other corner and unties the tag rope so he can tie it to his own for more length. You can’t say he’s conventional. A reverse powerbomb/faceplant combination gets two on Rey with Eddie coming in for a fast save. Mysterio finally realizes that he’s Rey Mysterio and rolls between both Bashams for the hot tag off to Eddie. The springboard armdrag/headscissors combination gets two on Doug but the champs are right back with a double spinebuster for two of their own.

Eddie gets frustrated and grabs a title but Rey won’t let him go where. Instead Eddie goes back in but has to roll through the frog splash attempt. Doug thinks Eddie crashed though as Eddie lays down, allowing Eddie to get two off a small package. A title gets tossed in to distract the referee so Rey throws Eddie the other belt for a shot to Danny. The 619 takes out Doug and Eddie gets the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. I liked the match well enough, though it could have gone a few minutes shorter. It says a lot to see the Bashams go from jokes to perfectly competent champions with a simple gimmick. You don’t always have to have some over the top gimmick to make things work and the Bashams having their greatest success as generic heavies is all the proof you need. It’s a good choice for an opener, though with a six match card, there is only so much they could pick from.

Theodore Long is getting things ready for Batista when Carlito comes in, flanked by the wife of a member of the Board of Directors. She is enjoying the show and wants to see Batista get signed to Smackdown. It’s almost time for the next match so she goes back to her seat, leaving Carlito to say that it seems if Long doesn’t sign Batista, he’s out of a job.

Here are Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson to judge the first round of the Rookie Diva Of The Year contest. Joy Giovanni, Rochelle Lowen, Lauren Jones and Michelle McCool all come out in evening gowns, Torrie thinks they’re all hot, and we’re done.

Heidenreich vs. Booker T.

This was thrown together on Smackdown. Before the match, Heidenreich reads a poem about how he’s not crazy because he has good inside. Booker takes him into the corner to start but a few right hands gets Heidenreich out of trouble. An elbow to the face sends Booker outside as it’s almost all punching and shots to the face so far. Back in and Booker drops him with a superkick for two but Heidenreich hits a hard clothesline.

A keylock doesn’t get Heidenreich very far so he kicks Booker in the face for two more and grabs the hold again. Booker fights up again and drops Heidenreich to a shot to the face so the comeback can start. There’s the Spinarooni but the Book End is broken up. A missed charge sends Heidenreich to the floor, where he comes up with a chair shot for the DQ.

Rating: D. So they had a lame TV level match and then do that ending? After setting the match up three days ago? I know the show isn’t the most important in the world but you really can’t have Booker win off a rollup here? Is anyone wanting this feud to continue? Or for Heidenreich to continue for that matter? Bad match, but what’s worse is that it seems to be continuing.

Post match Heidenreich throws him back in for a cover because he’s not all there.

John Cena congratulates Eddie and Rey on their win but they tell him to go win as well. Eddie wants to talk to Cena on his own and gives him a pep talk for the biggest match of his career. Kurt Angle is a special talent though and has promised to hurt Cena. Eddie believes in Cena though and knows he’ll win. It’s a nice speech, though you can tell they’re trying to drag this out as long as they can.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Funaki vs. Akio vs. Paul London vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore

Funaki is defending in what is billed as an elimination match but is really a gauntlet match. Funaki and London start things off and everyone else is standing on the corners for a change of pace. London hits a shoulder but Funaki sweeps the leg for two before realizing that he can’t tag anyone standing at the corner like they would when you could tag someone. Some stomping delays London’s charge into the corner so Funaki can get out of the way and roll London up for two.

Spike gets in a cheap shot from the apron though and London pins Funaki. It’s Spike in third but Funaki superkicks him behind the referee’s back so London can get another pin. Moore is in fourth and rolls London up for some early (Is it still early after two eliminations?) near falls. A Whisper in the Wind misses though and London drops the 450 for another elimination.

Akio is in fifth as they’re flying through this as is the case in most gauntlets. A choke over the ropes gives Akio two and we hit the chinlock. Cole: “Looks like Akio could be trying to choke out Paul London here.” That’s the kind of analysis you can only get around here. Akio switches over to a Kimura before taking London to the top, where a super swinging neckbreaker brings him right back down. The referee starts the ten count and Akio doesn’t make it up for an elimination. When is the last time you saw that one happen? I mean for me it was about four seconds but it might be longer for you.

Chavo goes for some covers on London and gets annoyed that he can kick out after the full seven minute beating. London manages a dragon suplex for two and tries a rollup, only to have Chavo reverse into one of his own. Throw in a grab of the rope and Chavo gets the title back.

Rating: D. I never like gauntlet matches like this one as the falls go so fast and it’s really hard to get your head around the eliminations. If someone can pin one of their opponents in a minute and a half, why do regular matches take so long? It’s not a good way to run a match and they would have been better off having everyone in there going nuts until someone stole a quick pin. Funaki dropping the title is fine as it’s not like he was anything important as champion.

We look back at Batista destroying JBL’s limo on Smackdown and then saving Big Show from a Cabinet beatdown.

We run down the rules of the barbed wire cage match.

Wrestlemania Recall: the Gimmick Battle Royal.

After that awesome moment, it’s time for the second round of the Divas competition, meaning everyone has to be introduced again. This time, it’s a talent competition because of course it is. Joy goes first and since her talent is massage, she asks Torrie to lay down for a rub. Naturally this includes taking off her top and leaning over in a rather short skirt as the massage lasts all of four seconds. Dawn says she can give a better rub than that. Torrie: “And if you don’t believe that, just ask of they guys in the back.”

Rochelle, who is very perky, tells awful jokes so Dawn takes the mic away from her. Lauren dances, meaning more clothes come off. Dawn tells her not to quit her day job because she would starve as a stripper. Michelle goes last and slams Dawn. Much like before, this was quite the waste of time.

JBL shouts about how violent the main event is going to be but he’s going to retain the title and move on to Wrestlemania. His body is temporary but the title is forever. He is the wrestling god.

Luther Reigns vs. Undertaker

Mark Jindrak is here with Reigns, who is NOT scared of Undertaker. Actually never mind as Jindrak is ejected before the match. Undertaker may have a concussion after being hit with a camera on Thursday so Reigns starts with left hands. That just earns him a pull on the arm and Old School into the Downward Spiral for two. Undertaker stops to glare at the referee so Reigns can take the turnbuckle pad off.

Reigns clotheslines him down with another shot to the head, only to get whipped into the exposed buckle (the classic wrestling irony). The apron legdrop keeps Reigns in trouble and he even begs off a bit, which is rare for him. Back in and the referee distraction lets Reigns get in the low blow so he can send Undertaker head first into the exposed buckle. A suplex gives Reigns two as the fans aren’t quite buying Reigns’ offense. Reigns grabs a half crab but stands on Undertaker’s head.

In a move that just looks bad, Reigns stands up while holding the leg like he’s about to turn over for a half crab for some near falls. He’s not even cranking on the leg. Dude at least do something. Undertaker is somehow able to get up from that, tells Reigns to spear him, and then gets taken down by a bad looking spear. Reigns’ swinging neckbreaker is broken up and Undertaker hits a running clothesline in the corner. Snake Eyes doesn’t work for some reason and Undertaker kicks him in the chest for two.

The chokeslam looks to set up the Tombstone but Reigns slips out and hits a reverse DDT (which Cole and Tazz call a swinging neckbreaker several times each). The swinging neckbreaker (for real this time) is broken up and Undertaker grabs a DDT. That’s enough for the Tombstone to finally finish Reigns.

Rating: D-. This was messy, dull, boring, and never in doubt once. Reigns is not working in any way other than standing there and looking intimidating so they keep going with him in this role. Having a muscular lackey is fine but it doesn’t work when he has to wrestle at some point. Undertaker really needs a new opponent because beating up Angle’s goons isn’t working.

Batista still hasn’t arrived.

And now the final Diva round, with Torrie hosting the final round alone. Everyone gets an entrance again (including measurements on a graphic of course). This is the swimsuit round so they all disrobe, the crowd approves and we have to wait on the winner. Joy wins the crowd vote for now. Amazingly enough, Joy wins by a huge margin after being the only contestant pushed on television for months. Another waste of time but with such a small card, it was the best they could do since adding another match or two would have been insanity.

We recap the #1 contenders tournament by looking at each match. The final for the Wrestlemania title shot is tonight.

#1 Contenders Tournament Finals: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Non-title and Angle is the hometown boy but Cena gets a bigger pop. A headlock takeover puts Cena down to start and a belly to belly lets Angle grab an arm trap choke. The fans think Angle sucks because he can’t get respect in his home town. Back up and Cena gets his own headlock but Angle takes him down in a hurry and slaps on a front facelock.

They fight outside and Cena tackles him over the announcers’ table, which Cole calls a drive by assault. Given that Cena dove onto Angle and landed on him, I don’t think Cole knows what a drive by, where you DRIVE BY AND NOT INTO someone, means. Angle bails from an FU attempt and it’s time to chill on the floor. Back in and Angle hits a release German suplex into the corner to rock Cena for the first time. A suplex gives Angle a pair of ones and a backbreaker gets two.

The bodyscissors goes on as Angle stays on the ribs. Angle adds a chinlock but that’s just feeding a comeback, meaning Cena fires up and elbows his way to freedom. You don’t do that to Angle though and it’s time to roll some German suplexes. Now it’s a chinlock with a knee in the back to punish Cena for that comeback. Cena doesn’t learn so he fights up again and hits a flying shoulder for the double knockdown. The hard clothesline starts the next comeback so Angle rakes the eyes like a veteran.

Cena on the other hand plants him with a spinebuster like a power guy in need of a hope spot. The ProtoBomb gives Cena two but the broken FU is countered into a belly to belly. Angle’s victory roll into the ankle lock has Cena screaming until he rolls through to send Angle outside. As Angle comes back in, Cena scores with a top rope Fameasser for two and the kickout has Cena surprised. The FU gives Cena a delayed two but he doesn’t realize it at first, allowing Angle to get back up as Cena celebrates. Angle goes right after the knee with some cannonballs and wraps around the post.

There’s the Angle Slam but Angle goes for the ankle lock instead of a cover. As tends to be the case in Angle matches, a grab of the rope doesn’t count and Angle puts on the grapevine. The second rope grab counts but Angle puts it on again. This time Cena crawls up the rope and the ref gets bumped as he pulls Angle forward. Angle is frustrated enough to go grab the chain but Cena breaks it up and hits the FU for the pin to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: B. They had me worried about a Shawn Michaels run in at the end (the fans were cheering for it) because Cena needed to win this one on his own. He has all the momentum in the world but in this case he needed to win the big match to really validate himself. There is nothing holding him back now and pinning Angle is going to take him a long way as far as making him look legitimate.

Angle is ticked about the loss.

Batista is still not here over two hours into the show.

The cage is lowered.

We recap JBL vs. Big Show. They were both part of a triple threat match at the Royal Rumble but JBL pinned Angle to retain. Therefore, he gets to face Show in a barbed wire cage match so no one can interfere. Batista is hanging over the whole thing too, as he thinks JBL tried to run him over on Raw, sending Batista here to deal with him. There is still a chance that Batista will sign with Smackdown to face JBL at Wrestlemania. Right.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending, there is barbed wire around the top of the ring, and you win by pinfall, submission or escape, though the door will not be an option. Show punches him in the head to start but JBL blocks some rams into the cage. You don’t do that to Show, who hits him in the back a few times, only to have JBL get smart by going after the leg. JBL goes for a climb and quickly realizes that he’s not going anywhere, allowing JBL to pull him back down. A suplex puts JBL down and the slow pace continues.

JBL manages to get up and send him into the cage for the first time for the first busting open. Since JBL still can’t climb out, he comes back down and chokes away with a tag rope. Show doesn’t seem to mind and comes back with a powerbomb to plant JBL. The champ is busted as well so Show sends him into the cage as the fans are just silent for this. JBL gets catapulted (monkey flipped according to Cole) into the cage as the Cabinet comes out for an attempted save.

Long comes out and says not so fast, making me wonder what the point of the barbed wire is if Long is watching the whole time. Orlando Jordan manages to slip JBL some bolt cutters though and a shot to the head drops Show. The Clothesline From JBL gets two so he tries again, only to charge into a chokeslam for two more. A low blow cuts Show down and JBL goes up but Show’s save makes him drop the cutters.

They’re both on top and that means a super chokeslam to send JBL through the ring. Show slowly climbs down and goes for the door, instead of PINNING THE GUY WHO WENT THROUGH A RING. Instead, he breaks the chain off the door and walks out…..but JBL is on the floor because he crawled through the hole in the ring to retain. The camera didn’t show inside the hole after Show got back down on the mat so it was a surprise, but the crowd was already deflated enough when that was announced.

Rating: D. What a perfect way to end such a terrible show. This was horrible with both guys looking bad and the admittedly creative ending being yet another way to let Bradshaw keep the title against all odds. It goes with the whole problem of the last month and a half: we know where the title reign is ending but it takes a lot of trickeration to get us all the way to Wrestlemania. Boring match for the most part too, which made things even worse.

Post match the cage is raised up and Show beats on JBL. The Cabinet runs in for the save but Batista, in his gear, makes the real save. Cena comes out to beat up JBL and gives him a spinebuster off the tech area through part of the set. Batista and Cena are both coming for the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. Angle vs. Cena is quite good but it’s just not enough to save this wretched show. The problem here is the same thing that I’ve mentioned multiple times: nothing on here, aside from Cena vs. Angle, feels like it’s going to matter in a few weeks. Wrestlemania is all but destined to be Cena vs. JBL and Batista vs. HHH, making most of this feel like a waste of time. Throw in the Divas and the post main event segment only being able to drag this show to 2:35 and you can see a lot of the problems.

The other major issue here is how weak the rest of the roster really is. I kept thinking about how annoying it was to have the Divas out there three times instead of a match, but what else could they have put out there? Van Dam is hurt and I don’t think I could take another Kenzo Suzuki or Rene Dupree match. The roster is just so depleted at the moment and a name or two desperately need to come over from Raw to breathe some life into this place. After this terrible show, that can’t come soon enough. Awful pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: February 17, 2005
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for No Way Out but the big story tonight is going to focus on something for Wrestlemania. Batista is here to deal with JBL, who tried to run him down on Raw. We’re still not sure who Batista is going to face at Wrestlemania but things are getting interesting. In another Wrestlemania story, tonight we’re getting John Cena vs. Booker T. in a semifinal match in the #1 contenders tournament. Oh and there are currently three matches announced for No Way Out so we need to get some stuff set up. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of HHH shoving Batista out of the way of the limo on Monday and Batista saying he was coming here alone tonight.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio vs. Doug Basham

Danny Basham is here with Doug. Before the match, Rey calls out the Bashams for tearing up Rob Van Dam’s knee. Don’t worry though because he has a new partner and they’re coming for the titles on Sunday. Since Rey is bad at keeping secrets, he announces Eddie Guerrero has his new partner, meaning here’s Eddie to even things up. Danny runs him over with some shoulders to start so it’s a springboard armdrag to put Danny down as well.

A chase lets Rey try a 619 to send Danny outside but an argument with Eddie lets Doug get in some cheap shots. Rey’s sitout bulldog is countered into a belly to back suplex and it’s off to a chinlock. Rey pops up and hits the springboard moonsault press for two, drawing Doug up to the apron. Eddie returns the cheating from earlier by tripping Danny, allowing Rey to hit the 619. Dropping the Dime is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here to set up Sunday’s title match because they don’t have time to give it much attention. That being said, it helps to have a match ready like this with Eddie being inserted in for what was likely a Van Dam/Mysterio rematch. Rey winning was fine and it was very nice to not have it be a tag loss for the champs here, as tends to be the case far too often.

JBL asks Theodore Long what he’s going to do about Batista but Long says it’s not his fault. That makes JBL think Long was behind the attack on Monday to get the title off of him. Long still doesn’t care because Batista is going to be at No Way Out and then on Monday, Long is going to sign him to Smackdown. JBL threatens lawsuits.

We look at the No Way Out press conference with Long promising that this will be the biggest pay per view in the history of Pittsburgh. I don’t quite buy that but it’s a nice line. There are going to be some Divas competitions, which are destined to make my head hurt.

Chavo Guerrero/Spike Dudley/Akio vs. Funaki/Paul London/Shannon Moore

Preview of a six man elimination match for the Cruiserweight Title on Sunday. Shannon and Akio start things off with Akio grabbing a hammerlock and slapping him in the back of the head. That earns him a spinwheel kick to the face and a double suplex with London helping Moore. Chavo comes in and gets headlocked straight down but Akio’s distraction lets Chavo knock London outside. And hang on as here are the four women in the competition on Sunday with signs to campaign for themselves.

After that completely unnecessary cameo, it’s Akio hammering away on London as the previously scheduled match continues. London fights up and brings in Funaki for a high crossbody to start the house cleaning. Everything breaks down with everyone hitting something until Chavo breaks up Funaki’s tornado DDT. London and Moore hit stereo running flip dives to take out Chavo and Akio, leaving Funaki to superkick Spike for the pin.

Rating: C-. If you ignore the Diva cameos, this was a nice enough six man with a fast pace and energized ending. Funaki losing all but guarantees that he’s losing the title on Sunday. That’s fine as he hasn’t been the most thrilling champion, though he has certainly been trying and that’s always nice to see.

Wrestlemania ad, this time featuring Booker T. and Eddie Guerrero as Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta from Pulp Fiction. Booker can be quite the intimidating presence, though adding in CAN YOU DIG THAT SUCKA at the end of the Ezekiel verse is a bit questionable. Then they accidentally shoot the guy they’re sent to scare because they’re not very good at their jobs.

Here’s Kurt Angle for his Invitational. Before we get an opponent out here though, he wishes Booker T. and Cena good luck for Sunday. There’s won’t be any rapping, but there will be some tapping. Angle: “Now can you dig that suckers?” Now get the opponent out here.

Kurt Angle vs. Danny Gimondo

I believe that’s Danny Inferno, who wrestled in OVW as a stereotypical guy from New Jersey but says he’s from Cleveland here. Angle goes after the leg to start but gets kicked away. That’s fine with Kurt as it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the easy win.

#1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: John Cena vs. Booker T.

Non-title. Cena and Angle have a staredown in the ramp to preview Sunday. Cena in a Cleveland Indians jersey is a very welcome sight. Feeling out process to start with Cena hitting a shoulder and a hiptoss for two. Some right hands in the corner and an elbow to the face give Cena two more, followed by the armbar. Cena’s big clothesline cuts off the comeback and we hit the front facelock.

It’s way too early for the FU though and a standoff takes us to a break. Back with Cena getting two off a snapmare (A snapmare?) and grabbing a chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and Booker hits a heck of a superkick to take over. A spinning kick to the face puts Cena down again but he’s right back up with a flapjack. Booker sends him outside and Tazz wants to talk about Cena’s kidney.

Cena walks into a scoop powerslam for two and it’s off to another chinlock. That’s broken up again and Cena hits a flying shoulder to get a breather. The spinebuster takes Cena right back down but the ax kick is countered into the AA. Booker grabs the rope and Booker hits the side kick for two but the Book End is blocked. Cena gets elbowed in the face, which only fires him up enough to hit the AA and advance to No Way Out.

Rating: C+. This story has turned into basically the same thing that happens on Raw: it’s clear that Cena is going on to the World Title match at Wrestlemania so there isn’t much drama to anything Cena, or Batista on Raw, is going to do. That’s not the worst thing in the world either though as Cena is racking up one win after another, which is going to help validate him as the top star on the show. It’s a long road, but it’s a road with the right ending.

Video on last week’s Japan show.

JBL talks to the Cabinet about Batista and mentions that he has fired Amy Weber.

Big Show doesn’t care about Batista showing up because he wants to win the title on Sunday. A barbed wire cage match is unlike anything he’s ever seen but he’s ready to take care of JBL. He doesn’t care if Batista shows up because he’s not getting in. JBL isn’t getting out though, because there is no way out.

Booker runs into Heidenreich, who laughs at him while writing a poem. Booker makes fun of him for being scared of caskets and heavy breathing ensues. There’s your third match announced for No Way Out.

Hall of Fame video, now featuring Roddy Piper.

Nunzio vs. Luther Reigns

Reigns doesn’t waste any time and hits some backbreakers to put Nunzio on the floor early on. A kick to the head rocks Nunzio again and the faceplant neckbreaker completes the squash for Reigns.

Post match Reigns says he isn’t scared of the Undertaker because Undertaker isn’t throwing him off his game. It’s his yard now and if Undertaker wants it back, come take it back.

Undertaker vs. Mark Jindrak

The threat of a big boot scares Reigns off so Jindrak tries to get in a cheap shot, earning himself a toss into the corner. Hang on though as Undertaker needs to go outside and beat Reigns up again, only to miss the big boot on Jindrak. That lets Jindrak take him down into the corner for some choking as I wouldn’t bet on the offense lasting long. A dropkick sets up a chinlock, with Undertaker fighting up without much effort. Undertaker’s running DDT gets two and there’s the chokeslam. The Tombstone is good for the pin.

Rating: D. It’s almost weird seeing Undertaker in such a short match but it’s not strange to see Jindrak lose again. I don’t remember the last time he won a match and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Reigns is little more than a muscular monster for Undertaker to face before he can do something bigger at Wrestlemania, which is par for the course in February.

Post match, and before the bell is even done ringing, Reigns hits Undertaker in the back of the head with a camera. He’s sitting up before Reigns can even get up the ramp so Reigns knows he’s done on Sunday.

Carlito comes in to see Long, who is not happy to see him. The decision on Long’s future is coming next week, which doesn’t sit well with Carlito. Long doesn’t care because he’s working on signing Batista this Monday. A staredown of two very different looking heads ensues.

No Way Out rundown, now featuring a six match card.

John Cena accuses Josh Matthews of liking boy bands when Angle comes up. They talk about Cena’s first match in the WWE where Angle beat him. Cena is tired of hearing about not belonging here (Angle: “You don’t.”) or not being good enough (Angle: “You’re not.”) or being a punk kid (Angle: “You are.”). Cena knows that he almost had Angle in his debut and on Sunday, Angle is looking at a hungry son of a b**** who is going to Wrestlemania.

JBL and the Cabinet are ready for Batista.

Here are JBL and the Cabinet to address the Batista situation. JBL isn’t someone to try and attack Batista with a car because he’ll face Batista like he has everyone else. If Batista wants some, come get it right now. Oh and Big Show needs to watch if he can put down the pizza. Batista arrives in the parking lot and takes a look at JBL’s limo. He’s not done though and pulls a baseball bat out of his own very nice car.

The limo windows are promptly destroyed and Batista breaks the longhorns with his bare hands. After making sure he looks ok in the side mirror, Batista gets back in his car as the Cabinet runs up the ramp. Batista drives away so here’s Big Show to go after JBL. The Cabinet runs out but here’s Batista again for the save. JBL and the Cabinet bail with a lot of yelling ending the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t a great show as a lot of stuff feels like it doesn’t matter on the way to Wrestlemania. The top two title matches have been known for a long time now but there is only so much that you can do to fill time before you start the actual build to those matches. The rest of the show wasn’t the most thrilling in the world, but the Booker vs. Cena match wasn’t bad and Batista continues to look incredible, even on another show. Then again, none of this matters as next week starts the real build and even though everyone knows what’s coming, the interest goes up because of the big matches.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: February 10, 2005
Location: Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan
Attendance: 18,757
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re over in Japan for the first time in Smackdown history and it’s tournament time. With less than two weeks to go before No Way Out, we need a #1 contender for Wrestlemania so it’s time for a tournament to get us to that point. There are two first round matches tonight and one of them actually seems interested. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Assuming the information is correct, there were about 2,000 more people here than for Monday Night Raw. Rather odd given how stacked Raw was.

Opening sequence.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kenzo Suzuki

Kenzo is booed out of the building and there’s no Hiroko. The EDDIE chants get on Kenzo’s nerves even more so he starts stomping away in the corner. Choking on the mat makes it even worse and a running knee drop gives Kenzo two. We hit the nerve hold as Cole explains the difference between Japanese and American crowds. Eddie fights up with some right hands to the head and the Three Amigos connect. The frog splash finishes Kenzo without much effort.

Rating: D+. And that’s it for Kenzo, at least on Smackdown. He’s one of those guys who never did anything more than make a few footnotes and there isn’t exactly much to remember about him. Other than the period where he wanted Torrie, there was little more to him than “Japanese villain”. You need more than that and Kenzo never got close.

Kurt Angle is ready for Rey Mysterio in the tournament tonight, even though Mark Jindrak didn’t do anything against Mysterio last week. When he wins tonight, he has a path to the finals because Undertaker didn’t win. Reigns doesn’t like Undertaker being treated like something big and special around here. He talks about his time in prison and being in jail for five calendars (Is “year” now on the no list?). After doing all that, he’s not scared of caskets or the Dead Man. Angle: “That’s the intensity that I want.” I just want an Undertaker feud that doesn’t involve someone saying they’re not scared of him.

Tag Team Titles: Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are defending. Doug and Jindrak start things off with the former double legging Jindrak, meaning Angle’s coaching isn’t doing all that well. Reigns gets in a cheap shot from the back and the challengers take over. Jindrak snaps off a suplex and hits the hip swivel….and there’s the gong. The lights go out and Undertaker appears for the beating and the no contest, which isn’t a DQ for no logical reason.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and was just there to set up Reigns vs. Undertaker at No Way Out. That’s not the worst idea in the world and it’s not like the champs were dead to rites. It’s a nice enough TV angle, albeit one that came after a match that showed how generic these teams are.

Video on the fans loving the show being in Japan and John Cena meeting some of them.

Joy Giovanni is shooting a t-shirt gun. And that’s it.

Kenzo fires up Hiroko for the Kimono match with Torrie Wilson. He rather likes the idea of Hiroko exposing Torrie.

JBL complains to Amy Weber about the barbed wire cage match and promises to do something drastic to Big Show. He pulls out a tranquilizer gun to shoot Show, which will keep him out of the cage match. Amy takes the gun but Orlando Jordan opens the door behind her and JBL gets shot in the neck. After standing up for a second, JBL goes right back down.

Sumo champion Akebono is here again.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Chavo Guerrero

Funaki is the home country champion and gets the biggest reaction of his career. They take their time to start and we get a friendly slap of hands. Funaki takes him to the mat and grabs a quickly broken headscissors. The fast paced covers get two each and it’s a standoff. As you might expect, the commentators ignore the match to talk about JBL being shot as Chavo gets in a cheap shot to take over. Some uppercuts have Funaki in trouble and a suplex gets two.

The chinlock and a belly to back suplex get two more on Funaki as the announcers move on to talking about beer in vending machines. It’s off to an Octopus Hold and the fans gasp a bit at seeing Chavo bust it out. That’s broken up and Funaki hits a basement dropkick, followed by a bulldog for two. The tornado DDT is broken up so Funaki’s enziguri gives him another two. Funaki goes up but gets superplexed back down and a backbreaker gets two. Chavo makes the mistake of putting him on top though and the tornado DDT retains the title.

Rating: C+. Well that was a surprise. It’s a good sign that the announcers got into the match as the action was good enough to draw them in. Funaki winning clean is something you probably wouldn’t get today so it’s nice that the company actually used to care about something like this. Nice match too.

Carlito takes credit for Theodore Long not being here when a rather woozy JBL comes in to ask how Carlito’s hair got through customs. Orlando Jordan comes in to check on JBL, who tells him to go take care of the Vanilla Ice rapper. Jordan leaves and JBL yells at an inflatable dinosaur.

Basic Instinct Wrestlemania trailer, with Stacy Keibler implying a special relationship with Trish Stratus. Chris Benoit, Christian and Chris Jericho asking about various matches, including hardcore and mixed tags, is rather amusing, though Stacy tops them by making lingerie pillow fights sound serious. Moolah and Mae Young as the big gag at the end isn’t funny, but the rest was great.

#1 Contenders Tournament Quarterfinals: John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Non-title. Before the match, Cena raps about beating up Orlando Jordan to send a message to JBL while making a bunch of OJ Simpson references. Jordan gets in his token offense to start so Cena hits the hiptoss and release fisherman’s suplex to get us out of the rooking wrestling level. Cena charges into a boot in the face and gets clotheslined down, allowing Jordan to start with the boxing punches. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by an elbow to Cena’s jaw for two. Cena comes back with the hard clotheslines, throws in a bow, and drops the ProtoBomb. There’s the Shuffle and the FU finishes Jordan in a hurry.

Rating: D. This was a world of difference with Cena’s offense having fire and snap while Jordan….well there’s just nothing good about it. He’s boring, he’s first gear the whole way, there’s nothing that makes him stand out and he’s just a warm body for Cena to beat up. That’s fine for a lackey, but watching him have a match is painful.

Post break the Cabinet can’t find JBL. Tazz: “How do you lose a 6’6 WWE Champion with a cowboy hat?” Completely valid (and unique) question.

Torrie Wilson vs. Hiroko

Kimono match, which is the same as an evening gown match. Well, with a different kind of clothing but you get the idea. Hiroko throws salt in the eyes to start but her kicks to the ribs are cut off by a clothesline. Torrie’s kimono gets pulled up so she hits a shoulder in the corner and grabs an airplane spin. Hiroko gets stripped to give Torrie the win. This is every version of the match you’ve ever seen.

Torrie strips as a bonus. As she is leaving, here’s JBL with the dinosaur. He tries to throw it in the ring but it falls backwards onto him in a funny bit. Post break JBL has it in his ring and accuses it of being a lizard on “stee-roids.” JBL: “You’re like Barry Bonds. I bet you play baseball.” As he continues to sound completely out of it (as he should), JBL talks about how it’s just a dinosaur like Big Show (JBL: “His name is Barney. He likes pizza.”). JBL stands for Just Beat A Lizard and the dinosaur falls forward.

The jacket and tie come off and JBL threatens the dinosaur for disrespecting him. He is NOT scared and wants a fight as Cole calls this embarrassing for the champ. There go JBL’s shirt and pants, revealing pink underwear. Cue Big Show, just as JBL decides the dinosaur is a dragon. JBL slugs away and hits the Clothesline, drawing out the Cabinet for the big beatdown as JBL is fine. So it was all a ruse. A chair to Show’s hand misses and Show cleans house without much trouble. That’s making it a lot more complicated than it needed to be. I guess “jump him in the back with a bunch of chairs” was too complicated?

JBL was very funny here and that’s something that people often forget about his title reign. His time as champion seems to be remembered as doing the same things over and over again with nothing ever changing. While that might be the case during most of his matches, JBL did some very good comedy in there and it was really entertaining stuff a lot of the time, like this right here.

During the break, Show talked about how much he could hurt people with no trouble and promised to do that at No Way Out. That brings him to Akebono, who knows what it’s like to be this size. If Akebono is a grand champion, he can get in the ring and prove it right now. Akebono does just that and while he isn’t as tall as Show, he’s certainly wider in girth. They shake hands and Show raises his hand. Well that was anticlimactic, which is probably the best thing right now.

No Way Out rundown, with two matches (cage, Reigns vs. Undertaker) announced for the show, which is in ten days.

Angle tells Mysterio to not get his hopes up, which Rey interprets as Angle not respecting him. The joke will be on Angle tonight.

Video on the Japanese tour, with JBL saying there is no language barrier.

#1 Contenders Tournament Quarterfinals: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle

This is really a semifinals match as the winner gets a spot in the finals. No springboard entrance for Rey here. Mysterio gets nowhere on a wrestling attempt so it’s time to rethink the strategy. Angle grabs the arm and then a waistlock so Rey elbows his way out. Rey tries to run so Angle knees him in the ribs for the easy cut off. Back up and Rey gets smart with a headscissors but it’s too early for the 619.

That means another standoff before Angle headlocks Rey down for some control. Rey slips out again and hits a basement dropkick, setting up the ten right hands in the corner with the fans counting in English. The quick belly to belly gets Angle out of trouble though and we take a break. Back with Angle fighting out of a chinlock and sending Angle outside, meaning it’s time for a dive. Since Angle isn’t quite human, he’s right back with a German suplex and a backbreaker for two.

Some knees to the back have Rey in more trouble and Angle takes him down for some rolling near falls. Angle ties him in the Tree of Woe, which does not seem cool with the fans. A charge goes into the post though and Rey has a bit of a breather. The springboard seated senton rocks Angle but he’s right back with a hard clothesline. Rey knocks him into the ropes for the 619 but the West Coast Pop is blocked. A standing hurricanrana gives Rey two but the sitout bulldog is countered into the Angle Slam. There’s the ankle lock and Rey taps.

Rating: B. Like this was going to be anything other than good. These two have always had chemistry together and this match told a rather awesome story. Angle was aggressive throughout with Rey getting in his high risk spots where he could, only to get caught in the big moves at the end. Angle winning sets up a big match for Cena in the finals and that’s what matters in the end.

Here are the updated brackets:

Kurt Angle

BYE

Booker T.

John Cena

Overall Rating: C. Raw was way better, but this was a fun show as well with the main event helping out quite a bit. JBL was a nice bit of humor in the middle as well and there were enough good moments throughout to make the show entertaining. No Way Out should wrap up smoothly enough (once we get a card that is) and then it’s on to Wrestlemania, where everything can finally change. This wasn’t Raw, but it was an acceptable alternative.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: February 3, 2005
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Attendance: 9,200
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s always nice to see a birthday show. This was taped after Raw on Monday so the fans are going to be a little more worn out than usual. We’re coming off of the Royal Rumble where JBL retained the World Title, but now he has a barbed wire cage match with Big Show. Oh and John Cena, who was the runner up in the Rumble and clearly the next top challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here are Sunday’s results if you need a recap.

We’re not wasting time this week as here’s Cena, with a censored hat, to open things up. Cena talks about this being a chain gang town before talking about being controversial. He references the hat (looked like the Ruck Fules hat) being controversial and throws it into the crowd. Since he’s always involved in controversy, it makes sense that he was in the end of a controversial Royal Rumble. That’s in the past though because Batista was the winner. Cena wants him to come to Smackdown because the champ is here.

Instead, here’s Theodore Long for a chat. There is a chance that Batista is coming to Smackdown but just in case he doesn’t, the WWE Champion will need a #1 contender. Therefore, tonight we’re starting an eight man #1 contenders tournament. If Batista comes over anyway, the title match will be a triple threat. Cue a ticked off JBL to say that the champ is here now. JBL yells at Long about the cage match and takes credit for all of Smackdown’s success. AND DON’T CALL HIM DAWG.

Long says the tournament is still on and next week it’s Orlando Jordan vs. John Cena in at first round match. JBL: “You didn’t tell me Orlando was in it!” Long: “You wouldn’t shut up!” As for Cena, it’s too bad that he doesn’t make it beyond the first round but he doesn’t deserve it anyway. The fans tell JBL to shut up but he goes on about how Cena will never get a WWE Title shot because he isn’t in JBL’s league. Jordan charges at Cena and gets thrown to the floor, followed by an FU to JBL. Just in case you needed to wonder who was winning the tournament.

Here’s Kurt Angle for the Invitational, but first he talks about how much fun it was to beat up Shawn Michaels at the Royal Rumble. He stopped the Showstopper and made Shawn suffer so it was a good night. Next week his Road to Wrestlemania begins with a first round match in the tournament. As for tonight though, here’s the hometown challenger.

Kurt Angle vs. Nunzio

Nunzio says he told the other kid to stay in the back because he wants revenge for Angle taking his spot. Angle is so intimidated that he pulls his straps back up before taking Nunzio down by the arm. Another takedown is reversed into a rollup to give Nunzio two and now Angle is annoyed. The first suplex sets up the ankle lock and the grapevine makes Nunzio tap in a hurry.

Video on WWE coming to Japan.

Angle is pleased with his win and is ready to face Mysterio next week. Then he finds out that his second round opponent could be the Undertaker, meaning it’s time to talk strategy with Luther Reigns.

Carlito tells Long that he has sent in the petition, meaning Long will be in Connecticut next week, explaining his actions to the Board of Directors.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Jindrak

Mysterio crawls between the legs a few times to start and makes Jindrak charge into some boots in the corner. Possibly inspired by Rey, Jindrak hits a boot of his own (the left leg for a weird sight) but has to block the 619. A hard whip into the corner has Rey down again and we hit the chinlock.

One heck of a left hand gives Jindrak two and we hit the hip swivel. That means a takedown and basement dropkick into the springboard seated senton for two. Jindrak grabs a pop up backbreaker for two but Mysterio starts kicking at the leg. Another dropkick sets up the 619 but the West Coast Pop misses. That’s fine with Rey as it’s a headscissors into the corner, setting up a rollup to finish Jindrak.

Rating: C. Better than I was expecting here as Jindrak’s athleticism was on at least half display here. Mysterio was looking rather crisp here as well with someone different to work against. Having Mysterio beat one of Angle’s lackeys makes sense as a way to set up next week’s tournament match too.

Amy Weber gives Joy Giovanni a $200 dry cleaning bill for ruining her dress last week. If Joy doesn’t pay, the Bashams will make Big Show pay instead.

Wrestlemania Eugene/Forrest Gump ad.

Basham Brothers vs. Big Show

Show chops and tosses Danny to start so Doug tries his luck instead. Show throws him around too but charges into some boots in the corner. A high crossbody gives Danny two and Doug hammers away in the corner to some avail. Danny tries to bring in a chair but it gets punched into his head. The chokeslam finishes Doug.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as bad as Batista squashing the stuffing out of La Resistance but it wasn’t much better. Big Show was never in any danger here and he beat up the champs in short order. It’s not like the titles are strong in the first place so why have them lose like this? Get jobbers, get another team, have Show fight them one at a time. Just don’t have him beat them up this badly.

We get the announcement of some of the Hall of Fame Class of 2005:

Paul Orndorff

Iron Sheik

Nikolai Volkoff

Bob Orton

Jimmy Hart

Not a bad class, but it needs the big name.

Here are the tournament brackets:

Rey Mysterio

Kurt Angle

Undertaker

Rene Dupree

Orlando Jordan

John Cena

Booker T.

Eddie Guerrero

#1 Contenders Tournament Quarterfinals: Rene Dupree vs. Undertaker

Undertaker headlocks him to start as the announcers talk about writing on trunks. As Tazz decides that Cole’s trunks would say Pony Pants, here are Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak to watch from ringside. We take a break and come back with Undertaker working on the arm, setting up Old School. Dupree manages to send him outside though and a bit of dancing distracts the referee long enough for Jindrak and Reigns to stomp away. An ax handle off the apron is countered into a ram into the post though and the apron legdrop connects.

The running big boot in the corner misses though and Dupree starts in on the leg. A scoop powerslam sets up the French Tickler but Undertaker sits up. Undertaker’s running DDT sets up the triangle choke but he has to go after Jindrak and Reigns instead. Dupree falls outside as Undertaker beats the other two up. Reigns grabs Undertaker’s leg to keep him from getting back inside though and it’s a double countout.

Rating: D+. You know, this felt like a match that should have been boring but Dupree gave it everything he had and got as much out of it as possible. There is only so much you can do to make Undertaker vs. Dupree believable and they came as close as they could to making it work. The downside though: Undertaker vs. Jindrak/Reigns.

Big Show is looking forward to destroying JBL at No Way Out because JBL is right where he wants him. He’d love to face Batista at Wrestlemania.

Booker T. isn’t happy with Eddie Guerrero for eliminating him from the Royal Rumble. He can make up for it by advancing in the tournament though.

New Wrestlemania ad with HHH as Braveheart. Ric Flair pops up at the end to pull a donkey.

#1 Contenders Tournament Quarterfinals: Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T.

Cole: “Who will be brave of heart in this next match?” They take their time to start with Booker being kicked away from the leg. Eddie suplexes his way out of a headlock and grabs one of his own as they seem to have a lot of time here. A suplex gets Booker out of trouble as well and we hit the chinlock. Booker gets two off an elbow to the jaw but walks into a flapjack. It’s way too early for the frog splash though and we take a break with Booker rolling to the floor.

Back with Eddie hitting the slingshot hilo but getting caught on top with a superplex. A top wristlock is broken up with Booker being sent head first into the buckle so it’s a sleeper to keep Eddie in trouble instead. Eddie fights up but misses a charge to send him crashing outside in a heap. Booker sends him into the steps and grabs the Book End back inside but Eddie gets a foot on the rope.

The comeback is on with some dropkicks and Three Amigos but the frog splash misses. The referee gets kicked down and Booker’s ax kick gets a very delayed two. Eddie shoves Booker into the referee for a second bump before dropping to the mat, clutching his knee. Booker yells at the referee but smiles because he knows what Eddie is doing. Eddie’s suplex is countered into a rollup with tights to give Booker the pin.

Rating: C+. This one took some time to get going and they were going slowly, but it was the kind of slowly that helped a lot when they got to the more intense parts at the end. The ending was rather nice too as I love when a wrestler thinks during a match. Booker was smart here and that’s not something you get enough of in wrestling. He was smart enough to know exactly what Eddie was doing and caught him using his own game.

Overall Rating: D+. They’re not hiding the fact that Cena is the next guy but it’s going to take some time to get there. No Way Out is kind of a necessary evil at this point as the show isn’t going to mean anything but it would be far too much waiting around to build Cena vs. JBL. That’s where we’re going, but it’s going to take some time to get there, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: January 27, 2005
Location: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and that means more polishing up John Cena for either winning the Royal Rumble or getting the next big title shot after the show. Other than that, we have a rather spiffy three way feud for the World Title, which is a lot better than I was expecting. Maybe they can even continue it as we get through the final show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the three way feud between Kurt Angle, Big Show and WWE Champion JBL, which has mainly been focused on Joy Giovanni and Amy Weber. Last week, Angle and JBL teamed up to take out Big Show’s knee. In quite the surprise, the two of them haven’t dragged the feud down and have played their roles rather well.

JBL, Angle and their respective cronies are happy with what they did last week. Tonight, they’re going to do it again when they take down Booker T., Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio in a six man tag. Well Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak and Orlando Jordan will that is. JBL: “United we stand, divided they fall.”

Orlando Jordan/Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns vs. Rey Mysterio/Eddie Guerrero/Booker T.

One of these teams is very talented. I’ll let you figure out which is which. Booker and Jindrak get things going but the fans want Eddie. A clothesline takes Jindrak down and it’s Eddie coming in with the slingshot hilo. Rey adds the springboard dropkick for two but Jindrak takes him into the corner. Jordan comes in and gets caught with a springboard crossbody as the pathetic lackeys can’t keep anything going.

A backdrop cuts Jordan off and Booker comes in for the Big Apple Blast (Hart Attack with a side kick instead of a clot). Everything breaks down for a few seconds and it’s Rey being thrown over the top and down onto Eddie as we take a break. Back with Booker hitting the Book End on Jordan and bringing Mysterio back in. A dropkick sends Jordan into the corner but Jindrak saves Jordan from the Bronco Buster. Reigns and Jordan get in an argument over who gets to beat up Mysterio but Jordan is fine enough to get two off a backbreaker.

It’s off to Jindrak for a chinlock until a Booker distraction lets Eddie sneak in with a poke to the eye. That’s not enough for the tag though as Jordan comes back in for a neck crank. Rey breaks out and crawls through some legs before sending the villains into each other. The hot tag brings Eddie in and the fans are rather pleased. Everything breaks down and it’s a 619 to Jindrak. The ax kick into the frog splash is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. The parade of chinlocks was a little much but the last minute and a half picked things up a lot with Mysterio knowing how to get a crowd going. The coalition style team isn’t going to work in the end and it’s even worse when they’re against a team with that much talent. Cut out a few minutes in the middle and this could have been rather good.

Post match Reigns shoves Jordan down and blames him for the loss. The Bashams come out to break things up. Angle and JBL come out as well and we take a break. Back with JBL blaming Angle for everything but Kurt says it was Jordan’s fault for being a bad deputy. JBL needs a cabinet because he’s the champion, which Angle will never be again. Angle says he was winning championships when JBL was getting drunk at frat parties.

JBL is one ankle lock away from being the cowboy in the bar, which sends JBL into a rant about Bill Clinton. Threats are made but here’s Theodore Long (in a salmon jacket) to interrupt. It turns out that Big Show is healthy enough for Sunday, but Long is interested in Angle talking about being the last man standing. That’s why tonight it’s JBL vs. Angle in a Last Man Standing match.

Clip of the Steve Austin press conference.

Video on Heidenreich vs. Undertaker for Sunday’s Casket match.

US Title: John Cena vs. Kenzo Suzuki

Cena is defending and hammers away to start as I don’t see this being the most competitive match. They head outside with Cena sending Suzuki into the post as this is complete dominance so far. Cena drives him back first into the announcers’ table before channeling his inner Rock by doing his own commentary. Back in and Kenzo finally sends him into the corner for a breather….which lasts all of five seconds before Cena is back with some chops. Cena initiates the finishing sequence and ends Kenzo with the FU.

Rating: D+. Cena might as well have been facing the Brooklyn Brawler here, which has been the case with just about anyone he’s been facing as of late. That triple threat feud on top of the card is leaving Cena without anything interesting to do but at least they’re not making these matches longer than they need to. Bring on the Rumble.

Post match Cena says that’s momentum and tonight, Suzuki ran into the Chain Gang. That’s what’s going to happen to twenty nine people on Sunday. Cena wants to know who is in the Rumble and mentions a fan in a certain seat, which happens to be a kid. Cena: “Little man, if you was in the Rumble, we would all whip your a**!” With that threat to a minor out of the way, Cena wraps things up.

Eddie and Rey are celebrating their victory and laughing when Booker comes in. He’s not happy with not being invited but calms down a bit as they praise him for his part earlier tonight. Booker gets on Eddie for costing them the titles last week but Eddie talks about the Rumble, which he could win. The other two don’t see it that way and Rey tells him to sit down. They both think they could win and won’t trust Eddie on Sunday. This was a perfectly nice character building segment and I could go for a lot more of those.

Here’s Heidenreich for a chat because that match needs two segments. He has a poem for us but stops in a hurry because a fan has a mini casket with a picture of Heidenreich inside. After breaking that apart, he gets through his poem, which is about his greatest battle. As he talks, he starts foaming at the mouth and shouts NO CASKET. Can we please get rid of this goon already?

Angle goes to Long’s office but Long comes outside for some reason. The main event tonight is unfair but Long sees it differently. Maybe Angle is just scared of JBL? The match is still on.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Spike Dudley vs. Paul London vs. Shannon Moore vs. Funaki

Non-title and one fall to a finish. Funaki knocks Spike off the apron at the bell and it’s time for the very early rollups. Shannon gets thrown outside and Spike gets two off a belly to back to Funaki. London knees Spike in the face for the same but Spike is right back with a half Walls of Jericho.

The other two make the save as Tazz talks about Moore’s makeup. Funaki pulls London off the corner and sends him outside for a nasty looking crash. Spike’s running headbutt to Funaki’s ribs gets two with Shannon making the save. Spike knocks Moore outside but gets caught in a reverse tornado DDT. London is back up and shoves Moore and Funaki off the top, setting up a 450 to Spike for the surprise pin.

Rating: C. As usual, what are you supposed to do with four and a half minutes in a four way match? London winning was a nice surprise and it’s not like Funaki is hurt by a loss like this. If nothing else for the sake of letting him have a big bump during his elimination, which he does as well as anyone else.

After blowing off Carlito’s request for a petition signature, JBL goes to ask Long about getting the match canceled. This time Long just slams the door in his face, which is enough to make JBL sign.

ANOTHER video on Heidenreich vs. Undertaker.

Amy Weber comes up to the rest of the women in the locker room. Dawn Marie takes obsession to Amy snapping her fingers but listens to her pitch to sign Carlito’s petition. Joy isn’t there but Amy is NOT scared to ask her. Joy comes up from behind with some yogurt. The obvious happens.

Royal Rumble rundown.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title Last Man Standing match. Reigns, Jindrak, Jordan and the Bashams are at ringside. We’re joined in progress with Angle taking JBL down but JBL runs him over and drops an elbow for….well nothing because that’s not how this match works. Kurt goes for the arm so JBL powers out and chops away in the corner. The fall away slam gives JBL a five count and a top rope superplex is good for nine.

The Clothesline From JBL is countered into the ankle lock to make JBL tap but thankfully Angle is smart enough to not let it go. Instead the Bashams break it up and the fight is on outside. Despite them not breaking any rules, the referee ejects everyone and we take a break. Back with Angle going face first into the steps as things have turned into more of a brawl, which makes sense for something like this.

JBL whips him over the announcers’ table but spends too much time clearing it off, allowing Angle to dive off and get a breather. Angle backdrops his way to freedom but can’t get the Angle Slam through the table. Instead JBL posts him for a nine count (took thirty seconds) and gets annoyed when Angle gets up. Back in and Angle rolls the German suplexes, hitting a ridiculous eight in a row before letting go.

JBL gets up again so Angle grabs a rear naked choke. That’s still not enough so Angle tries a front facelock, which is reversed into a spinebuster (makes sense as JBL couldn’t do much more than pick him up and drop him). The powerbomb plants Angle for nine but he’s right back with the Angle Slam.

That’s another nine and JBL blasts him with the Clothesline. They’re both up at nine and the exhausted/near defeated look on JBL’s face is a great visual. With nothing else working, JBL grabs a chair but Angle takes it away. JBL kicks it into his face but Angle blasts him in the head before collapsing, meaning it’s a double ten count for the draw.

Rating: B. I know all of the focus is on the Rumble and Batista/Cena, but this is a really underrated feud, especially with Big Show thrown in. There’s a rather nice chemistry there and the story is actually making me want to see more. I know everything goes away as soon as Sunday is over, but they deserve a good deal of credit for a story that has no reason to be this interesting. The match itself was a good brawl with both guys beating each other up and the logical finish of a draw. As usual, JBL is better off working a power brawling style and Angle can play off of that all day long.

We cut to Long’s office where he thanks Big Show for the idea for the match. Show says he loves it when a plan comes together and promises to win on Sunday.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s good that we’re moving on soon enough because this holding pattern has been going on for a while now. That being said, it’s been a rather nice holding pattern with a shockingly good World Title feud and Cena oozing star power. They’ve set things up very well and Cena can get his title shot either by winning the Rumble or whatever else he has to do at No Way Out. This was an enjoyable show and they’re hitting the right notes at the correct time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: January 20, 2005
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time to get ready for the Royal Rumble and so far that means focusing on the Smackdown World Title match. JBL, Kurt Angle and Big Show have been playing mind games with each other and I don’t see that ending well. Other than that, John Cena is still looking for anything to fill his time before he can get to the World Title scene. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s issues between everyone involved in Joy Giovanni’s disappearance, which was one of the most entertaining things they’ve done in a good while. Kurt Angle and company were behind the whole thing and that is likely going to have some repercussions this week.

Theodore Long is in the ring to open things up. He talks about what Angle did last week and promises that Angle will face the music tonight. Angle isn’t here yet, but when he arrives, it’s time for an official apology to Joy Giovanni, all by himself. Otherwise, he is out of the title shot at the Royal Rumble and won’t get another title shot this year. Now holla holla holla.

Tag Team Titles: Bashams vs. Eddie Guerrero/Booker T.

The Bashams are defending and has Orlando Jordan here with them. Doug takes Booker into the corner to start so Booker clotheslines him right back. Eddie comes in to a rather nice reaction and stomps away in the corner. The slingshot hilo hits and it’s time to start on the arm. Booker’s spinning kick to the face gets one and Eddie goes very old school with an airplane spin. Eddie is so dizzy that he staggers into the corner for a poke to Danny’s eyes.

Back to back planchas to the floor keep the champs down and we take a break. Back with Doug STILL in trouble to continue the rather long beatdown segment. A suplex finally gets Doug a breather and it’s off to Danny for some fresh Basham. Booker comes in and the champs do a very fast twin switch, which would seem to be a rather bad idea. The cheap shot lets Doug take Booker down and it’s back to Danny for some choking on the apron.

Danny grabs a seated full nelson and then gets two off a powerslam. The hold goes back on and Eddie gets yelled at for not holding the tag rope. In a rather brilliant move, Eddie unties the rope and holds onto it as he walks down the apron, though it doesn’t matter as Danny puts on the third full nelson in the span of a few minutes. A regular chinlock changes the pace a bit and that’s enough to trigger the comeback, including a spinebuster to drop Danny.

It’s Eddie coming back in and hitting the rope walk wristdrag/headscissors combination to the champs. Three Amigos have Doug in trouble so Eddie brings Orlando in for a bonus. The distraction lets Doug bring in a title but Eddie knocks it away and hits Doug with it….as the referee turns around. He SWEARS that he didn’t do it but that’s a DQ anyway.

Rating: C-. The long stretch of holds in the middle hurt it a lot but this got some time and was allowed to develop a bit. The Bashams are fine champions at the moment and a team can be built up to take them away in time. Eddie vs. Booker seems to be building as well and that could be a rather nice feud.

Post match Booker yells at Eddie, who walks out on him instead. Danny and Jordan jump Booker and Eddie makes a somewhat delayed save. A scissors kick into the frog splash takes care of Orlando.

JBL is upset over Jordan but Amy reminds him that the Bashams retained the title. Josh Matthews comes in so JBL can talk about some things he’s done in his life. Those things were a matter of doing business though and what Angle did crossed the line. Tonight, Angle will pay. I hope he gets a receipt.

Big Show and an upset Joy Giovanni are waiting on Angle. Show doesn’t think this is the place for her so she leaves.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Akio vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

This is Scotty’s return after having a benign tumor removed. Akio gets aggressive to start and stomps away but Scotty armdrags him into an armbar. They head outside with Akio sending him back first into the apron and grabbing his own armbar. A suplex gets two as the cameras stay close to avoid showing the large number of empty seats during this match. The abdominal stretch has Scotty in more trouble and a belly to back plants him again. Akio Time (corkscrew moonsault) misses and the Worm gives Scotty the pin.

Rating: D+. They were trying but there’s nothing you can do with two cruiserweight job guys fighting to be cannon fodder in the Rumble. The Worm still gets a reaction but other than some dancing, Scotty doesn’t have much more than that. Akio was aggressive here and it was one of his better performances.

John Cena is all fired up for the Royal Rumble because it’s about the movement. If you want some, come get some. Not much to say this week.

Steve Austin had a press conference on Wednesday. This show is airing on Thursday so tune in Monday to find out what he said!

Theodore Long tells Big Show that he can’t attack Angle until the apology takes place. Show isn’t convinced.

Here’s Carlito with his petition and he gets some signatures on the way to the ring. He promises to keep collecting signatures but here’s Heidenreich of all people to interrupt. Heidenreich actually signs as well because Long is forcing him into a casket match. He’s not scared of Undertaker but he doesn’t like caskets, so he’ll do anything to get out of that match. The lights go out and Undertaker appears on screen, promising to introduce Heidenreich to a casket. There’s a casket in front of him and Heidenreich is inside. This story can gladly end anytime. Like, say before we have to watch them fight again.

Lauren and Rochelle arrive and Show nearly hits them with a chair.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Non-title. Rene shoulders him down to start and throws in his own You Can’t See Me. A much harder shoulder puts Rene on the floor and the fans are rather pleased. Cena spends a bit too much time high fiving a fan and walks into a dropkick. Back in and a clothesline connects as the announcers try to figure out what Rene’s trunks say.

The chinlock goes on for a bit as Tazz is confused why Rene isn’t the hometown favorite. Cena comes back with clotheslines and elbows for two, followed by the ProtoBomb for the same. The Shuffle actually misses, so Cena hits a DDT and then the Shuffle connects. The FU sends Cena tot he Rumble.

Rating: D+. I know I say this every week but Cena has nothing to do at the moment until we get to the Rumble because no one in the midcard can touch him. We’re just waiting to get him to the main event scene where he belongs, and having him beat up Rene one week and Kenzo Suzuki the next isn’t the most interesting thing in the world.

Post match here’s Kenzo to jump Cena, likely setting up one more match between the two of them next week.

Royal Rumble rundown.

JBL comes up to Big Show and offers to help him deal with Angle tonight. After the apology, they can beat him up. Show doesn’t say no.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

They lock hands to start with Chavo monkey flipping him over, leading to a standoff. A reverse powerbomb plants Rey and Chavo gets to talk a little trash. Rey sends him to the apron though and it’s a springboard Stunner to put Chavo on the floor as we take a break. Back with Rey getting caught in the chinlock, which is a little better than coming back to the chinlock. Chavo starts kicking at the knee but Rey kicks him in the chest, followed by a springboard moonsault.

It’s right back to Rey’s knee though but Chavo switches to an armbar for some reason. Chavo dives into raised boots and falls into 619 position but thankfully stands up so Rey can get two off a basement dropkick. A faceplant gives Chavo two of his own with Rey putting his foot on the rope. Rey tries a running headscissors but gets planted with a reverse powerbomb for two as the fans are VERY impressed. Another headscissors works better for Rey though, meaning it’s the 619 into the springboard splash for the pin.

Rating: B-. Well of course these two are capable of having a good match. That almost always seems to be the case and I’m not surprised in the slightest. Rey winning was the mostly obvious ending but Chavo was trying here, giving us one of the better Smackdown matches in recent memory.

Raw Rebound.

Next week: Kenzo gets another US Title shot.

Here’s a scared looking Kurt Angle coming through the crowd. After a break, he calls out Joy for the apology. Joy comes out and Angle reads an apology, blaming last week on his overly competitive spirit. Any pain and suffering was unintentional….and here’s Big Show. Once Show is in the ring, Angle bails to the floor because they can settle this at the Rumble. Cue JBL and the Cabinet to threaten Angle, followed by a handshake. Angle calls out Jindrak and Reigns so Show is down 7-1. Cole, after the handshake and smile: “Have JBL and Angle joined forces here?”

It’s the classic villain strategy of sending one or two people at a time before the villains wake up and rush Show at the same time. Show fights them off and even no sells a low blow from Jordan. The Angle Slam takes him down though and JBL chairs him in the head. JBL and Angle take turns hitting Show in his busted head and a great looking shot with the steps put Show on the floor to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The transitional phase continues as we slowly crawl towards Cena getting into the main event picture and having no one to touch him until then. At the same time though, Big Show, Angle and JBL are giving it all they have in the title feud and it’s working far better than I would have expected. The women are adding in enough of a difference that the story is working and I’m wanting to see the title match. The wrestling tonight wasn’t very good, but I’m digging the show enough at the moment. Things are building towards Cena at the Rumble though and there’s no need to try and hide it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2005
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

The road to the Royal Rumble and John Cena’s obvious coronation continues and this time around he has to beat up Kenzo Suzuki again. Other than that, we have to build towards JBL defending against both Kurt Angle and Big Show in a match that doesn’t sound too great on paper. They’ve surprised me before though so maybe that’s the case again here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of last week’s issues with Amy Weber, Kurt Angle, Joy Giovanni and Big Show where shenanigans ensued thanks to Weber outsmarting everyone else involved.

Angle tries to apologize for walking in on Joy in the shower last week but can’t get around Big Show. He finally steps aside so Angle can apologize and she says thank you. Show doesn’t like Angle but that took guts. Now they need to make JBL apologize.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Basham Brothers vs. Luther Reigns/Mark Jindrak vs. Eddie Guerrero/Booker T.

Van Dam and Mysterio are defending and this is under elimination rules. Ignore Van Dam having a full leg cast on his left leg and his inability to walk with any kind of speed. Thanks to a pre-show coin toss, Eddie and Jindrak start things off. That means some Jindrak hip swiveling but the fans are behind Eddie anyway. Eddie has to counter a headlock with a top wristlock but Jindrak pretty easily powers him right back into it.

In a smart move, Eddie gets Jindrak over to Booker so the double teaming can begin. The hook kick to the face puts Jindrak out as Cole has an actual good idea: why not tag in the injured Van Dam and get an easier elimination? I knew if I listened to him talk for twenty years he’d say something smart eventually. Eddie dropkicks Jindrak down again and tags Doug in for a change of pace. Both teams come in for a brawl but Mysterio trips Doug and hits a 619 on Jindrak.

Eddie puts Doug on top and we’re down to three. Back from a break with Mysterio armdragging Doug down but Eddie gets tagged in to face Rey. Eddie is hesitant here so Rey tries a flying mare, only to slip off (though replays showed that it might have been Eddie pushing him off but not shoving him far enough) and nearly land on his head. Thankfully Eddie turns it into something like a powerslam to keep Rey from a bad case of paralysis. It’s back to Booker for a spinebuster and Eddie chokes with the tag rope in the corner.

Rey monkey flips Eddie down though and hits a springboard hurricanrana for the pin and the elimination. Eddie is very, very frustrated as they leave so Doug gets in a cheap shot on Mysterio to take over. Van Dam gets knocked off the apron so it’s Rey getting choked in the corner. A steps shot to the knee has Van Dam writhing in pain on the floor but Rey avoids a charge to send Doug into the post.

Mysterio heads outside to check on Van Dam and the delay lets Danny beat on Rey even more. A stretcher comes out for Van Dam and Mysterio goes outside AGAIN to ask what’s going on. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON REY??? Danny gets two off a suplex and we hit the chinlock. Rey manages the sitout bulldog for two but Doug makes the save. A 619 hits Danny but it’s a switch so Doug’s chokebomb can connect for the pin and the titles.

Post match the Cabinet comes out to celebrate and Cole is sick because we’ll have to listen to them. The irony is strong with this one.

Hiroko says Kenzo Suzuki loves America and thinks John Cena is everything wrong with America. Tonight, Kenzo wins the US Title because God bless America. Hit that cheese grin.

JBL and the Cabinet are celebrating when they run into Big Show and Joy. They didn’t like what JBL and company did last week so it’s time for JBL to apologize. He apologizes immediately but Show wants something more sincere. Amy needs to apologize as well but she says Joy just wanted to be the center of attention last week. That makes her nothing more than a CENSORED and the catfight is on. Theodore Long makes the most well timed appearance in recent memory and makes a match between the women tonight.

Raw and Smackdown are coming to Tokyo next month.

Here’s Kurt Angle for the Invitational but first, he promises to take JBL’s title at the Rumble. You might have heard of this week’s opponent.

Kurt Angle vs. Roderick Strong

I love surprise cameos like this. Strong is very excited to be here and slaps Angle in the face. The bell rings so Strong runs away because he just has to beat the clock. Angle catches him though but Strong gets two off a rollup. A double chickenwing has Strong in trouble and Angle punches him in the face again. There’s the release German suplex and the ankle lock makes Strong tap in a hurry.

Wrestlemania Recall: Morton Downey Jr. in Piper’s Pit.

US Title: John Cena vs. Kenzo Suzuki

Cena is defending but first, he makes fun of Kenzo for thinking that he’s going to become more American tonight. If you want to know what America is about, look out into the crowd. America is why he wears these colors (an orange Tampa Bay Buccaneers jersey at the moment) and tonight, they’re going to whip Kenzo together. Suzuki slugs Cena down in the corner to start but Cena spears him down and hammers away. A bulldog drops Kenzo and there’s the Five Knuckle Shuffle (complete with bow). The shoes get pumped up and it’s the FU to retain the title in a hurry. The Cena roll continues.

Cena leaves through the crowd to celebrate.

Video on the weekend house show tour.

Amy is freaking out because she isn’t a wrestler and everyone has been banned from ringside.

Joy rubs baby oil on herself and gets a kiss for luck from Big Show.

Video on Heidenreich being scared of caskets and losing a match last week to keep the Rumble match a casket match.

Amy Weber vs. Joy Giovanni

Or not as there is no Joy. The music plays twice and no one is here so Amy wins via forfeit.

Show wants Long to find Joy and threatens violence if it doesn’t happen. Finlay and Steve Keirn are on the case. Everyone leaves so Heidenreich comes in to complain about the casket match again. The match is still on so get over it. Heidenreich leaves and JBL comes in but denies knowing anything about Joy’s disappearance.

Post break, JBL has given his alibi but Long says if he’s lying, the title is stripped next week.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Nunzio

Funaki is defending and gets a jobber entrance. Nunzio goes right at him to start but gets kicked in the ribs. An armdrag sets up an early armbar on Nunzio, who gets up without too much effort. Back up and Nunzio dropkicks him out of the air, setting up his own chinlock. Funaki fights up again and hits a kick to the arm, followed by a high crossbody with Nunzio rolling through for his own near fall. Not that it matters as Funaki hits a sloppy tornado DDT to retain.

Rating: C-. This was a rather nice little match for such a short amount of time. The ending didn’t look great but given how little time they had, they were probably going faster than they should have. Funaki isn’t the long term champion but at least they’re getting the champion on TV more than once a month or so.

Long accuses Carlito of having something to do with Joy’s disappearance. Carlito says no but that does sound like another bad mark against Long’s status as General Manager. Long throws Carlito out but here are Jackie Gayda and Torrie Wilson to take his place. They saw Orlando Jordan following Joy on her way to the ring. Long sends for Jordan and says he should have known.

Post break Jordan has given his alibi as well….and then says he admits it. He told Joy Amy was going to hurt her but that was it. Show comes in and chokes Jordan, who says JBL was in a photo shoot when Joy disappeared. That better be true, or bones will be broken.

Raw Rebound.

The Chairman of the Florida Agricultural Society is here to honor JBL as their Man of the Year. We get the full entrance and the Chairman talks about JBL helping to replant orange trees after the hurricane season and supplying a bunch of fertilizer. JBL gets a plaque and we get a photo op before the required speech. He talks about helping the people of Florida live and prosper but he did it for that kid who goes to the breakfast table and wants orange juice. Or for the family who starts off on the right foot with a JBL chant to start their morning.

As JBL allows the fans to cheer him, Angle interrupts and accuses JBL of abducting Joy. Angle wants to know his plan but JBL keeps denying it. That’s not good enough for Angle, who hears noises coming from the trunk of JBL’s limo. Joy is indeed in there, drawing out medics to tend to her. Cue Show to cry over Joy and then turn back to JBL. The fight is on with Show cleaning house and beating the fire out of Jordan. A bunch of chair shots leave Jordan laying and Show glares at JBL in the crowd.

We cut to the back where Angle, Reigns and Jindrak talk about loving it when a plan comes together. They smile and walk off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a very interesting show as while a lot happened, a good chunk of it was wrapped up by the end of the show or didn’t change that much. What it did do though was entertain me, which is so often lacking in wrestling. They did a bunch of stuff here and it was a fun show where I was wanting to see where things went. That’s a better way to spend two hours than doing the same stuff over and over, making this a rather nice surprise. I know you can’t have some big angle every week, but it was cool to have something different for a week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 30, 2004
Location: Lakefront Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ll wrap up the year here as we’re back stateside after Tribute to the Troops. With that out of the way, it’s time to head towards the Royal Rumble, which hasn’t really been set up yet. It’s hard to say what we’re going to be getting tonight as Smackdown can go anywhere from one extreme to the other. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

General Manager Theodore Long announces that tonight will be the Night of Champions with every champion defending their title against an opponent of their choosing. I think you know where this is going.

Opening sequence.

Here’s John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about the calendar changing but the champ is still here. His New Year’s Resolution is to start a revolution, meaning that from now on there is no such thing as a John Cena fan. From now on, you’re a part of the chain gang and the same of him. They all fight and ride together and since they’re so close, Cena goes out into the crowd. Back in the ring, it’s time for the US Title match so come get a shot.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and say if you want some, come get some, making this the first ever US Open Challenge. Dupree comes charging in and gets caught in a fisherman’s buster, allowing Cena to put on his robe. That means a funny little dance before the Shuffle and it’s time for Dupree to bail. Cena won’t have that though and catches Dupree with some headbutts. Back in and Dupree manages to whip him into the corner and then avoid a high crossbody, setting up the French Tickler. Cena is fine enough to drop him throat first across the top rope and the FU is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This was pretty much a squash with Cena barely breaking a sweat. The important thing here though is that Cena looked like a star and a main eventer, though there has been no mention of him going after the World Title yet. You can see the confidence in his eyes and that’s a great sign for the future.

JBL and Amy Weber have some great idea when they run into Joy Giovanni. Amy calls her fat and Joy asks what is up with the weird skin hanging from Amy’s neck. JBL yells at Joy but Big Show interrupts. Show wants the title shot tonight, which JBL will take into consideration. Amy and Joy are acceptable in these roles, assuming you ignore that the roles don’t need to exist.

Here’s Kurt Angle for his open challenge. He wants the shot at JBL as well, because Angle made him tap out two weeks ago. First though, let’s get on with the challenge.

Kurt Angle vs. Matt Stryker

Not the well known Striker. Angle wrestles him to the mat and hits a few shots to the head. The ankle lock is good for the tap in less than a minute.

Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio go over possible opponents for tonight. Van Dam suggests Moolah and Mae Young when Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. come in. The challenge is thrown out and I think you know where this is going. Eddie and Booker get in an argument over what the team name should be, with Booker thinking his name should be first because it’s alphabetical. Eddie: “What alphabet is that? The ebonics alphabet???”

We look back at Undertaker vs. Heidenreich last week with Heidenreich walking out. They’ll meet again at the Royal Rumble and Undertaker gets to pick the stipulation. We really need to build to that?

Daniel Puder introduces himself to the locker room but knocks someone’s bag off the bench. That would be Hardcore Holly, who doesn’t want to hear about Puder training for eight weeks. Puder apologizes for Holly taking eleven years to get here but wonders why Holly has never been in the main event of Wrestlemania. That’s where Puder is going to go after he wins the Royal Rumble. Holly thinks Puder has a lot to learn.

Long has another random woman in his office when JBL, Weber and Orlando Jordan come in. JBL is glad about getting to choose his opponent and has everyone’s name in a fish bowl. He draws a name and wants to go again but Long says it’s whoever is on that paper. JBL reluctantly agrees.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Shannon Moore

Moore is challenging and takes the Clothesline From JBL for the pin in about twenty seconds.

Post match Long comes out because he knows something is up. He wants to see what’s in the fish bowl, which Amy tries to hide. JBL yells a lot and Amy tries to leave but Joy jumps her from behind and the papers fall on the floor. As luck would have it, Long finds every paper has Moore’s name. Since JBL got to pick tonight, Long will pick for the Royal Rumble. That would be Kurt Angle, who comes out and calls JBL a liar, along with BUCKO. Angle calls him out for beating up someone small, with JBL saying Angle does that every week. Long cuts it off with a surprise: it’s going to be a triples threat match, also including Big Show.

Carlito doesn’t like Long and has a New Year’s Resolution of his own: to get rid of Long as GM. You can feel the petition coming from here. Josh Matthews can also feel the apple landing on his face from the spit.

Here’s Heidenreich for a chat because it seems that they’re giving us a break from the wrestling this week. Heidenreich insists that he is NOT scared of the Undertaker and even tried to give Undertaker a way out last week. Now Undertaker wants more? The Royal Rumble will be his final resting place because Heidenreich does not fear him.

Undertaker’s voice is heard and he promises to make Heidenreich rest in peace. Cue the druids with the casket, which of course has Undertaker inside. Heidenreich freaks as Cole speculates that we could be having a casket match. This would be your weekly example of “we don’t need commentary here”.

Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns say they should be getting the Tag Team Title shot tonight because they’re awesome. The Basham Brothers come in to say they’re the real competition because they’re former champions. Eddie and Booker come in to say they’re winning the titles.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki is defending in an Armageddon rematch. Spike starts fast with some slams to start but the top rope double stomp misses. That’s not good enough for Funaki to get away so Spike wraps the ribs around the post. Tazz starts singing Auld Lang Syne as Spike stomps away in the corner. Commentary switches to a discussion about Dick Clark as the audio is clearly being dubbed over something else. Funaki gets in an enziguri and a bulldog for two, followed by a sunset flip (with a pretty fast count) to retain.

Rating: D+. They barely had time to do anything here and I had almost forgotten that Funaki was champion. The Cruiserweight division is already looking like it could go away with nothing changing and that’s not a good sign so soon after a new champion. There are talented cruiserweights around, but if they’re never going to be featured, it doesn’t really matter.

Long video on Tribute To The Troops.

Michelle McCool, Rochelle and Lauren are in the back and hit on Cena as he gets coffee. He doesn’t like being interrupted but changes his tune very quickly when he sees who they are. Lauren: “Can we see it?” Michelle: “Can we touch it?” Rochelle: “Can we play with it?” They mean the spinner belt. Cena seems pleased.

Raw Rebound.

RVD thinks Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson should get the shot. Rey goes with the actual pick of Booker and Eddie (with Cole being shocked, as you knew he would be). Rey: “THEN we’ll face Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson.”

Tag Team Titles: Eddie Guerrero/Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio

Eddie and Booker are challenging and during their entrances, we hear about how awesome last week was. Rey and Eddie start things off with Rey hitting a quick headscissors for an early standoff. We’ll switch things up a bit as Eddie grabs a hammerlock but that’s broken up as well, meaning the second standoff. Booker comes in and muscles Rey into the corner until Rey pops up with a dropkick.

It’s off to Van Dam and the fans are rather pleased with the change of pace. A headlock slows Booker down so he suplexes his way out, only to have Rob grab it again on the mat. Rob slams him down and it’s the 4:20 for two more. Everything breaks down for a bit with Rey being sent outside so the champs can take a breather. Back from a break with Rey missing a charge into the post to put him in trouble.

Eddie comes in for some right hands and sends Rey into a spinning kick to the face from Booker. Rey fights back with forearms to Eddie and a tornado DDT to put both of them down. Van Dam comes in for some shots to the face which don’t appear to have the most effort behind them. A monkey flip sets up the Five Star to Eddie so Booker makes a save. This time it’s Van Dam going shoulder first into the post and Booker clotheslines him down to break up a tag attempt.

Eddie hits Three Amigos for two on Van Dam with Rey making his own save. Booker grabs the chinlock as things settle down a bit. Rey has to break up a cover off a Book End, this time allowing Rob to kick Booker in the face. It’s back to Rey for a super hurricanrana on Booker but the ref gets bumped.

The 619 hits Booker but Eddie breaks up the springboard. Booker kicks Rey and Rob kicks Booker, followed by a hurricanrana to take both of them to the floor. With no referee, Eddie is tempted to go after a title, which he throws to Rey for the old playing possum spot. The referee actually catches on this time and Rey grabs a victory roll to retain.

Rating: B. This felt like a match where they were getting ready to launch into a great one but they just never got to that other level. Either way, it’s very nice to end the year on a rather good match with four people who can go for a long time. Counting commercials, this was over twenty minutes, which you don’t see to often.

Eddie and Booker aren’t happy but seem to agree that it was fair to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped but it felt like a lot of the people were taking the last week of the year off. Aside from the main event, nothing got any serious time with two of the matches adding up to less than a minute and a half. That being said, it makes a lot of sense to have a lighter show like this as they can start the build to the Royal Rumble next week. This was basically a week off and that’s ok given that it wasn’t likely to be a show many people were going to be watching in the first place.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 16, 2004
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re done with Armageddon so now it’s time to get to the Royal Rumble, but before that we have the real important thing to get through: the finals of Tough Enough. Normally I would say the competition hasn’t been that bad, but some of the last few weeks have been such a mess that I can’t bring myself to go there. At least it’s wrapping up though and we can get back to something better. Like JBL. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Orlando Jordan to welcome JBL to the ring. It’s a special introduction this week with the limo decked out in bunting and JBL standing on top with Amy Weber, who is helped down by the Bashams. Naturally we get the red, white and blue balloons and confetti falling because that’s the kind of thing JBL would do. JBL talks about some great moments in American history, such as the end of the Great Depression and Ronald Reagan tearing down the Berlin Wall.

Those are the kind of moments that were joined by him defeating three challengers on Sunday, despite a General Manager being so biased and corrupt against him. How many people here bought a ticket to see a new champion here tonight? That’s ok, because he has a Christmas gift for Amy. That would be a tiara, followed by JBL starting a chant of his own name.

This brings out Kurt Angle of all people and it’s a staredown between Angle and company and the Cabinet. JBL hopes this is so Angle can offer congratulations but Angle is confused. He can’t believe that JBL thinks he’s the greatest champion of all time or that his victory was the greatest title win ever. Angle: “Are you out of your freaking mind?”

JBL wants his congratulations and an exit from Angle but instead it’s Kurt saying that HE is the greatest champion of all time. Like when he beat Steve Austin, the Rock, Rikishi, Undertaker and HHH inside the Cell at Armageddon 2000. Angle: “I INVENTED the over the top championship celebrations bucko!” JBL: “You didn’t just call me bucko.” Angle affirms that he did call him bucko, bucko. JBL says the Cell match was four years ago, but this year he lost a 3-1 match to Big Show.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Akio/Billy Kidman

Non-title. Rey and Kidman start (good idea) with Mysterio getting taken into the corner and stomped down. That’s fine with Rey, who comes back with some kicks to Akio’s legs but it’s too early for the 619. Instead Rey is sent outside and knocked off the apron so Kidman can get in a great dropkick on the floor.

Rey fights out of a chinlock and grabs a reverse neckbreaker but spins around into a faceplant for a move I haven’t seen before. Rob comes in to start clotheslining away, setting up Rolling Thunder for two. A monkey flip sends Kidman into the middle of the ring for a basement dropkick but Akio takes Rey to the floor. The BK Bomb plants Rob but Rey comes back in to break up the shooting star. The Five Star finishes Kidman.

Rating: C. This is the kind of match that the show could benefit from. Kidman and Akio aren’t going to be a regular team and they’re not the next big thing but it’s cool to see them thrown together in a one off match like this for a fresh option. It’s not a bad little match either, which is always a plus.

Here’s Torrie Wilson in a rather revealing Uncle Sam outfit. She’s proud of having helped entertain the troops last year and she’ll be doing it again next week. This was just an excuse for Torrie to be in the outfit.

The announcers talk about Tribute to the Troops when Heidenreich raids commentary. With Michael Cole running away (makes sense), Heidenreich puts a chair in the ring and reads a poem about wanting to replace Undertaker. Can we please find something better for Undertaker to do already???

Eddie Guerrero say they’re on the same page when another new woman named Lauren comes up. Booker hits on her and Eddie makes fun of him as she leaves. Eddie is ready to have a singles match next week for Tribute to the Troops, nearly triggering a fight. That might have been the most random cameo I’ve seen in years.

Michelle McCool says Theodore Long is meditating and can’t see Orlando Jordan. She slams the door in his face so here’s Luther Reigns to talk about hoe great Kurt Angle is. They go back and forth over how awesome their bosses are, down to Angle is nice to animals and JBL gives to charity. JBL offering medical care gets Reigns’ attention but he gets back to his normal arguments. All this did was show how lame both guys’ lackeys are.

Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Eddie Guerrero/Booker T.

Booker and Rene start slowly as Tazz can’t remember what kind of warrior Kenzo is. Eddie comes in and gets elbowed in the face as Booker is facing the crowd for some reason. Some stomping in the corner has Rene in trouble with some blood coming from the nose. Booker comes in and kicks Kenzo in the face for two as the announcers talk about anything but the match. The fast tagging continues with Booker sending Kenzo outside as we take a very abrupt break.

Back with Kenzo still in trouble until a tag to Rene lets him get beaten up instead. A cheap shot lets Rene take over on Booker though and it’s Kenzo grabbing the nerve hold. That’s broken up and Booker hits a nice flapjack to drop Rene face first. That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie so the pace can pick up but Kenzo blocks the third Amigo. Everything breaks down and it’s a Book End to Suzuki. Hiroko’s kendo stick interference is broken up so it’s an ax kick to set up the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C-. Kind of sloppy at times here but it’s nice to see Kenzo and Dupree going away already. There isn’t anything special to them and getting them out of the title picture is the best thing that can happen for everyone involved. They’re fine as jobbers and little more, but having them as champions for two months was a chore. Eddie and Booker don’t seem like a long term solution, but at least they had a watchable match.

JBL is fine with Jordan not getting the match called off. He’s not happy with getting to go wrestle in the Middle East next week though and backtracks in a hurry. Carlito comes in and suggests they get together to deal with Theodore Long. JBL is interested.

And now, here’s the full John Cena vs. Jesus match from the pay per view, complete with black and white shots when Jesus was bleeding. For the sake of filling in some space:

US Title: John Cena vs. Jesus

Cena is defending and it’s a street fight with falls counting anywhere. Just to rub in the awful of this show, Cena debuts the spinner US Title design which would beget the most annoying title in wrestling history. Jesus, still carrying Cena’s chain, and Carlito mock Cena’s kidney injury because they’re not that bright. Cena starts before the bell and hits one of the longest strings of punches I can remember to knock Jesus silly early on.

Carlito slips Jesus a kendo stick for a shot to the bad kidney but Cena takes it away and beats on Jesus even more. The stick is broken over Jesus’ arm and Cena glares Carlito up the ramp. A busted open Jesus is kicked into the crowd and Cena knocks him around the arena as this is completely one sided. Carlito runs back in for a cheap shot to save Jesus from being thrown off a balcony but Cena doesn’t seem to mind. The beating takes Jesus back to ringside and some metal shots to the head make things even worse. The FU finishes Jesus in a complete squash.

Rating: D. This was a squash that just happened to go about eight minutes. It was smart to have Cena pushed this hard because it’s not like anyone was buying Jesus as a threat to the title at all. After a performance like that, there is no way you can hold him back from the main event much longer and I think WWE knows it. This was it for Jesus too, as there wasn’t much you could do with him at the moment without a big repackaging.

Here’s Al Snow for the Tough Enough finale. Daniel Puder and Mike Mizanin come out and Puder is announced as the winner, which should have been the case given how much charisma he showed. Nearly making Angle tap on TV helped too. Puder talks about how hard he trained to get here and he isn’t done yet. Snow has another surprise: Puder is officially in the Royal Rumble. That comes off as an actual surprise as Puder looks stunned. Mizanin doesn’t get to say anything, but he does congratulate Puder on his win.

Angle rants about the state of American sports today and says America needs him. Reigns hints at Angle giving him healthcare for a back injury but Angle shouts him down instead.

Theodore Long is on commentary for the main event but first he has an announcement: next week it’s Heidenreich vs. Undertaker.

Here’s Joy Giovanni in a rather nice Santa outfit to throw candy canes to the crowd.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is challenging. JBL accepts a candy cane from Joy and Amy doesn’t like it, meaning the catfight is on with both of them losing their tops. Joy runs when Reigns gets too close and everyone is ejected for the sake of some sanity. We take a break and come back joined in progress with JBL giving us a clean break out of the corner. Angle takes over on the arm until a right hand takes care of that.

A belly to belly works a bit better for Angle but JBL runs him over and drops three straight elbows for two. The chinlock goes on for all of a few seconds before Angle escapes into the ankle lock. That’s enough to send JBL to the ropes and then the floor, with Angle being whipped into the steps. Back from a break with JBL shouldering Angle down again and grabbing an armbar of his own.

That’s broken up so JBL grabs a powerslam, which is countered into a reverse DDT for a double knockdown. JBL gets in the fall away slam but the Clothesline From JBL is countered into the rolling German suplexes. The ankle lock goes on so JBL kicks away, setting up the Angle Slam for two.

JBL pulls Angle down by the bad shoulder but a powerbomb is countered into another ankle lock. Cue the Bashams/Reigns/Jindrak for the brawl on the floor as JBL taps but the referee is distracted. Jordan comes in with the belt shot for a close two and Angle grabs the ankle lock again. This time Jordan comes in for the DQ to save the title.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t a bad match at all with both guys looking pretty good, even with the obvious ending taking place. JBL’s matches continue to be pretty decent most of the time, but that doesn’t make him the most exciting champion in the world. This is likely going to set up the Royal Rumble title match, though it’s going to need a little more.

Post match Big Show runs in to clean house and motion that he wants the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It was a pretty tame show this week with that Cena vs. Jesus match in the middle being rather weird. Maybe Cena went ahead overseas and wasn’t available for the show? Anyway, the rest of the show wasn’t terrible, but it was also nothing very interesting. At least Tough Enough went by quickly and didn’t take up a lot of time. We’re starting to gear up for the Rumble though and that’s the best thing that can happen to the company at the moment. Not a very good show this week, but they at least have a direction for the time being.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Armageddon 2004
Date: December 12, 2004
Location: Gwinnett Center, Duluth, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final, and normally least inspired, pay per view of the year and this time around it’s all about JBL to make things even less interesting. Tonight JBL is defending the title against Undertaker, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. in a four way, which takes away a lot of the talent from the rest of the card. Other than that we have….I guess the other big match is the Tough Enough boxing match? Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses entirely on the main event, which really is all that matters on this show.

Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki

Rob and Rey are defending after winning the titles earlier this week. Kenzo headscissors Rob down to start so it’s a bunch of flips to get us to a standoff. The (first of many) kick to the face drops Kenzo and it’s the 420 for two with Cole again explaining it as fast as he can. He does add in “of course” before the explanation, because it’s the ONLY possible meaning. Rey gets whipped hard into the corner and it’s the challengers taking over for the first time. Rene comes in and gets cocky so Rey picks up the pace but a Kenzo distraction cuts that off.

That earns Kenzo a springboard kick from Rob, knocking him into a powerbomb to the floor from Rey. The spinning kick to the back hits Rene in the back but he’s right back with a good looking dropkick to the face. Rob shrugs that off and catapults Rene into a springboard seated senton, which barely connects and didn’t look very good as a result. Kenzo gets in a kick of his own and the chinlock goes on. That doesn’t last long either as Rob kicks his way out and brings Rey in.

This time it’s Hiroko offering a distraction so Rene can get in a neck snap across the top. Cue Torrie to chase Hiroko off, leaving Kenzo to drop a knee for two on Rey. An armbar starts in on Rey’s arm and Rene adds a dropkick to the shoulder. Normally it would make more sense to go after Rey’s knee but at least there’s an idea. Rene’s powerbomb is broken up and Rey dives for the tag but Rene stops it with ease. The villains cut the ring off again with Kenzo hitting a running clothesline for two.

We now pause for the French Tickler, with Kenzo adding his own while on the apron. The dancing takes too long (as always) and Rene goes shoulder first into the post, allowing the hot tag off to Van Dam. Everything breaks down and the Chalupa Roll (slingshot legdrop/Rolling Thunder) gets two on Rene with Kenzo making the save. A sloppy looking crossbody gets the same on Rene with Kenzo saving again. Rey is fine enough to hit the double 619 and the Five Star to Rene retains the titles.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here as the chemistry continues. They got some extra time here to make things that much better, as Kenzo and Rene had some good, old school styling. Rob and Rey winning the titles here would have been a nice moment but it’s not like it’s that big of a problem one way or another. Good opener, though there was some sloppiness to overcome.

Daniel Puder promises to make Mike Mizanin feel the two true pains: his right and his left. He says Mike over and over again and stumbles a few times, but the intensity helps.

Here’s Kurt Angle for a bonus Kurt Angle Invitational before his scheduled match later tonight. Angle has found a perfect challenger, who is admired by millions and takes his job very seriously. Ladies and gentlemen, SANTA CLAUS!!! Santa throws out candy to the fans but Angle says he needs to get back to the North Pole with Tazz and the other elves. Kurt doesn’t like him though because his daughter only wants to write letters to Santa instead of talking to him. Tonight, Santa is tapping out.

Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus

Angle Slam and ankle lock for the win in 45 seconds. I bet he gets Cole for Christmas.

Mizanin says he’s never been an underdog and he won’t look stupid tonight. The underdog is going to have some bite tonight. It’s not much of a promo but the last two he’s had have had a point to them and he’s stuck with it so he’s learning.

Long recap of the entire Tough Enough contest so far.

Daniel Puder vs. Mike Mizanin

This is a boxing match with three one minute rounds and Al Snow on commentary. Theodore Long comes out for a long introduction and we actually have boxing commission representatives and a state issued referee because this is apparently serious. They both go nuts with punches with Miz (thank goodness that name is officially used now and I don’t have to go back and change it every time) throwing wildly and Puder showing what is likely some boxing training for MMA. Puder slips a bit and goes down to a knee with neither being a definitive winner.

Tazz actually brings up the Brawl For All between the rounds, likely earning himself a fine. The second round is a lot more subdued as they’re both winded. Puder gets in a clear rabbit punch and a few good shots have Miz staggered to end the round. The fans are loudly booing now as round three starts and they slug it out again with Puder getting the better of it to wrap things up. Puder wins on a fan decision, which is the right call as he won the second and third rounds. This was awful in case that wasn’t clear.

Post match Miz says Puder has a great overhand right. Puder says this isn’t his fight and he’s all about breaking arms.

Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. want to hurt JBL tonight and take the title. They both think they could beat each other but they each find the other’s idea hilarious. Eddie remembers that they have to deal with Undertaker though and they agree to team up against the other two. Undertaker comes in, stares at both of them, and keeps walking. You don’t see Undertaker in these segments very often and it felt out of place for him.

Basham Brothers vs. Charlie Haas/Hardcore Holly

Bonus match because only a handful of matches got any kind of proper build on this show. Holly headlocks Doug to start and hits some chops in the corner, followed by some general stomping. It’s off to Haas, who gets sent into the corner so the Bashams can take over. That lasts all of three seconds until Haas armdrags Danny down, only to get kicked in the back. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Danny punches him in the face for two.

An exploder suplex gets Haas out of trouble and it’s Holly coming in with a top rope clothesline. Cue Dawn Marie to check on Charlie, drawing out Jackie Gayda to yell. As Charlie’s life continues to crumble around him (I feel so sorry over a professional wrestler having two gorgeous women fighting over him), Doug gets the worst small package I’ve ever see (it didn’t go down smoothly and Holly’s shoulders were so far off the mat I couldn’t tell who was covering whom) for the pin.

Rating: D-. It’s a really bad sign when a show needs this kind of filler to break the two and a half hour mark. This was awful and would have been bad anywhere, even as a middle of the show match on Velocity. The Bashams aren’t the worst team in the world but they’re involved with the World Champion and needed the love triangle to beat Holly and Haas. Just bad all around.

We recap John Cena vs. Jesus. Cena lost the US Title to Carlito and was then stabbed in a club later that night. Then he came back and destroyed the injured Carlito to win the title back. Tonight Cena gets to beat up Jesus, who is likely the person who stabbed him. This was Cena’s launch up to the next level as he was suddenly this main event level monster with a fire in his eyes and you knew it was a matter of time before he took over the show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Jesus

Cena is defending and it’s a street fight with falls counting anywhere. Just to rub in the awful of this show, Cena debuts the spinner US Title design which would beget the most annoying title in wrestling history. Jesus, still carrying Cena’s chain, and Carlito mock Cena’s kidney injury because they’re not that bright. Cena starts before the bell and hits one of the longest strings of punches I can remember to knock Jesus silly early on.

Carlito slips Jesus a kendo stick for a shot to the bad kidney but Cena takes it away and beats on Jesus even more. The stick is broken over Jesus’ arm and Cena glares Carlito up the ramp. A busted open Jesus is kicked into the crowd and Cena knocks him around the arena as this is completely one sided. Carlito runs back in for a cheap shot to save Jesus from being thrown off a balcony but Cena doesn’t seem to mind. The beating takes Jesus back to ringside and some metal shots to the head make things even worse. The FU finishes Jesus in a complete squash.

Rating: D. This was a squash that just happened to go about eight minutes. It was smart to have Cena pushed this hard because it’s not like anyone was buying Jesus as a threat to the title at all. After a performance like that, there is no way you can hold him back from the main event much longer and I think WWE knows it. This was it for Jesus too, as there wasn’t much you could do with him at the moment without a big repackaging.

Jackie promises to finish Dawn once and for all tonight. Charlie is sick of this but puts on his referee shirt anyway. She promises to make it up to him tonight, which calms him down a bit. Charlie makes sure she takes her engagement ring off and puts it in his pocket.

Dawn Marie vs. Jackie Gayda

Charlie comes out with Jackie, just in case you were expecting impartiality. They trade slaps to start and then slug it out. Dawn gets the better of it and sends her into the buckle, followed by the rolling over the referee spot. A rollup with tights gives Dawn the pin.

Post match Charlie admits to the affair and ends the engagement. Jackie is too much like a dead wet fish in various ways but Dawn is like Atlanta on the 4^th of July. Charlie pulls out the engagement ring and drops to a knee for a question. Charlie: “Dawn, why are you such a s***?” He wouldn’t marry either of them and walks out.

Hey remember the Diva Search? Well now you can see a pay per view highlight package of the whole thing!

Joy Giovanni kisses Big Show for good luck. It’s quite the relationship, having gone for like two and a half weeks now.

Big Show vs. Kurt Angle/Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns

Cole: “Here comes the man who earlier tonight made Santa Claus tap out.” This is the latest blowoff to the Angle vs. Show feud from the fall, which included Angle shooting him with a tranquilizer dart and shaving his head. Jindrak starts for the team but hang on as we need to look at his bicep. As the announcers debate whether Cole was in a bodybuilding competition or the Ziegfeld Follies, Show takes Jindrak into the corner for the overhand chop.

Angle comes in instead and is shoved right back away, meaning here’s Reigns for the first time. That’s not enough for Show, who pulls Jindrak in for a bonus. An Angle cheap shot gets Show caught up in the ropes and some kicks to the ribs keep him down. As expected, it’s Reigns and Jindrak doing most of the work, including a double suplex to give Jindrak two.

Angle comes back in for the reverse chinlock with a knee in Show’s back, followed by a choke over the bottom rope. Now it’s Jindrak with his own reverse chinlock until Show powers up and cleans house. The Alley Oop drops Jindrak and reigns is tossed to the floor but Angle gets in the Slam. The ankle lock is broken up in a hurry so Angle goes for the steps, which are kicked into his face. An F5 of all things finishes Jindrak.

Rating: D+. This felt like a Smackdown main event so it could have been a lot worse. The good thing is that there is nowhere else for the feud to go, meaning we should be done now that this match is over. The match wasn’t very good, but Show is pretty clearly next in line for a title shot after three major pay per view wins in a row.

Video on last year’s Tribute to the Troops. This year’s edition is in less than two weeks.

Funaki interviews himself about his Cruiserweight Title shot. Cruiserweight Champion Spike Dudley comes in to call this pathetic and says Funaki will never be champion. Funaki doesn’t seem to agree.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending after Funaki won a battle royal earlier this week. Feeling out process to start with Funaki taking it to the mat for some early frustration. Some rollups give Funaki two each as Tazz makes small package jokes about Cole. A little cranking on Spike’s arm sends him to the floor for a baseball slide as Spike can’t get anything going so far. Back in and they fight over a superplex to the floor until a release gordbuster drops Funaki to the floor this time.

It’s time to start in on the ribs with Spike grabbing an abdominal stretch with Funaki’s knee down on the mat. A regular abdominal stretch keeps Funaki in trouble until he sends Spike into the corner for the break. Funaki’s high crossbody gets two so Spike tries the Dudley Dog, which is reverses into a jackknife cover to give Funaki the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Not too bad here, even if it was in the spot where no one was going to care about the thing. There’s only so much you can do for a Spike vs. Funaki match and everyone knew that. At least they got the title off of Spike, who wasn’t a bad champion but his time had come and gone. Now that being said, he’s a better option than Funaki, who feels as bottom of the barrel as you can get.

We recap the World Title match. JBL has cheated his way to retaining the title over all three challengers so tonight he has to face them all at once. This gets the music video treatment because it’s the only match that has gotten a major push on TV. How often do you see a multi man match with everyone from the same state in a national promotion?

The Cabinet gives JBL a subdued pep talk as he looks like he’s walking to the gallows.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T. vs. Undertaker

JBL is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. The Cabinet is barred from ringside and if they interfere, JBL is stripped of the title. But if they help him win, doesn’t he just get the title back a few minutes later? If nothing else JBL is selling the heck out of his terror. JBL lets the other three beat each other up to start and it’s Undertaker booting Booker in the face so JBL can steal a near fall. No one is happy with that so it’s time to pinball him around between all three challengers at once.

With JBL down, Undertaker gets stomped in the corner, much to the fans’ annoyance. Undertaker gets knocked to the floor so it’s JBL getting double teamed for a change. As usual though, Booker gets annoyed at Eddie for going for a cover, allowing JBL to grab his own near fall. Undertaker comes back in and starts wrecking things so everyone heads outside. JBL loads up the announcers’ table but Undertaker backdrops him before anything can happen. Undertaker stalks Eddie back inside for a match I could have gone for in a much longer form.

Another backdrop gives Undertaker two and it’s Booker taking Eddie’s place. The running big boot in the corner misses so JBL comes in to beat on Booker. Choking on the ropes has Eddie and Undertaker in trouble but Undertaker is up with a spinebuster to cut Booker off. Old School and the Downward Spiral give Undertaker two with Eddie making the save so Undertaker launches him over the top with some raw power.

There’s the apron legdrop but JBL runs Undertaker over on the floor. Back in and JBL chokes Booker with some tape as Eddie pulls out a rather unnecessary ladder. After that takes Undertaker out, JBL grabs the title but Booker starts cleaning house with kicks to the face and head. The ax kick gets two on Eddie and Booker’s NO WAY face is great. It’s back to the floor with JBL badly powerbombing Booker onto the announcers’ table and then elbowing him through it.

The Last Ride puts JBL through the other table, leaving Eddie to play dead in the ring. The chokeslam connects and it’s time for the Last Ride but Eddie gets in a belt shot to the head. A pair of frog splashes gets two and now it’s Eddie’s turn to be terrified. With wrestling not working, Eddie brings in the ladder for a mega frog splash but his own knee is banged up so it’s a delayed two with JBL pulling the referee out.

Rating: B. They were working out there and the match didn’t feel as long as it was, but the JBL title reign has lost its charm in a hurry. It’s becoming more and more clear that we’re not getting out of this anytime soon and seeing him get beaten up so often but escaping with the title is rather tiring. It’s the same thing we had to see from HHH for years and the Cabinet is no Evolution.

Cole: “This could be the beginning of a long title reign for JBL!” He’s been champion five and a half months!

Overall Rating: D. There are far worse shows but there was no hiding how unimportant this show was. We’re just waiting on the Rumble at this point because both brands are dying for some fresh blood. Unfortunately that means a long wait and stuff like Dawn vs. Jackie, the Tough Enough boxing match and that lame Bashams tag match to get through first. There is some good stuff on here, but it’s certainly not worth watching the rest of the show to get to it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6