IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: July 15, 2004
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big night around here with JBL defending the World Title against Eddie Guerrero inside a cage. This is Eddie’s big rematch since Smackdown doesn’t have a pay per view this month so the question is what kind of shenanigans should we expect. The show could be ok, though I’ve been very wrong on that front before. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena being stripped of the US Title by a power mad Kurt Angle. That makes a lot more sense than having him lose the title.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. to get things going. Booker says he’s all about championships and isn’t happy with the fans chanting the FIVE TIME part with him. None of them are five time WCW Champions so they shouldn’t be saying anything. Anyway, Booker wants the US Title because he didn’t lose to Cena in last week’s title shot. That’s why he wants Kurt Angle to come out here right now and award him the title. Instead here’s Rene Dupree to say that Americans don’t deserve to be the US Champion since they have no culture. Come on, this place is named after DONUTS.

Dupree wants the title, but here’s Kenzo Suzuki to rant about something in Japanese. Booker says he speaks fluent Japanese and Kenzo says Booker should be champion. Actually Hiroko says Kenzo thinks it should be him because Kenzo loves America. Booker tells Kenzo to say something in English, so he says Booker’s catchphrase to a nice reaction from the crowd. Booker: “TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!” Arguing ensues so here’s Cena to a pretty strong pop.

Cena thinks this is some kind of We Are The World mix tape reunion. Or maybe they’re trying to recreate the Wizard of Oz, with Hiroko as a makeup heavy Dorthy, the dumb Booker as the Scarecrow, the testicle-less Kenzo as the Tin Man, Michael Cole representing the Lollipop Guild and the cowardly Frenchman. We’re not in Kansas anymore though because this is John Cena country and the champ is here.

Cena is going to walk down the yellow brick road to Angle’s office and get his title back, or he’ll just take it himself. He heads to the back and kicks the door in, finding Angle holding the title. Cena picks Angle up from the chair but Luther Reigns makes the save….until Cena throws him through the wall. Security takes Cena away and Angle promises to do something tonight.

Rey Mysterio/Spike Dudley vs. Jamie Noble/Chavo Guerrero

Spike headlocks Jamie down to start and small packages an invading Chavo for two. A spinebuster gives Chavo the same with Rey making an early save. I don’t think it was that bad dude. Rey has had it with the double teaming and springboards in (over the referee) to take both villains out. Stereo dives (with the camera missing Spike’s) take Jamie and Chavo out again but Chavo breaks up a springboard to put Rey in trouble. Since they seem to be in a hurry, Rey bulldogs both of them down almost immediately and it’s back to Spike.

The top rope double stomp gets two on Jamie and everything breaks down. There’s the 619 to Chavo but he’s able to break up one on Jamie. The Dudley Dog connects but Chavo pulls Spike out at two. Jamie hits the tiger driver, only to have D-Von Dudley come in for the distraction, allowing Bubba Ray to kick Jamie low. That’s enough for Spike (who didn’t see what happened) get the pin.

Rating: C. They packed a lot of good stuff in there and made a little something out of a match that should have just been filler. Spike is WAY better when he’s in there against people his own size (or as close to it as you can get) instead of playing the giant killer and this was another entertaining performance, even with the storyline ending.

Post match Spike sees his brothers and figures out what happened so he tells them to leave him alone.

Raw Rebound.

Recap of JBL winning the title from Eddie at the Great American Bash and the El Gran Luchadore thing from last week.

Reigns has been pulled out of the wall but Angle says he might have tweaked his knee and needs his cast adjusted. As for Cena, he can face Booker, Suzuki and Dupree at once.

Summerslam ad with the Olympics theme. I always liked that one.

Booker T./Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki vs. John Cena

Elimination rules. For some reason Kenzo gets his full entrance while Booker and Rene have to share one. No wonder Dupree doesn’t like us. Rene starts for the team as Cole tries to brag about an American winning the Tour de France five times. I’m sure that won’t sound really stupid one day. I mean, it sounds stupid now but it’ll be even worse later. We take a very early break and come back with Kenzo coming in for a slam from Cena. Rene cuts Cena off with a knee to the back though and Kenzo scores with a Shining Wizard. That’s enough to tie Cena in the Tree of Woe and, using Hiroko’s sash, Kenzo chokes away for a DQ.

Rene comes in for a French Tickler but Cena catapults him into the post and gets a very fast rollup to tie things up. Booker starts hammering away and drops the knee for a delayed two. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by a superkick to the chest (Does it have to hit the face to be a superkick?) for two. Cena makes the comeback with the usual and the Shuffle connects for two but Booker throws him outside. Cue Reigns to post Cena and the ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: D+. This was angle advancement more than anything else and that’s fine. Cena continues to be kept strong as it took four people to finally put him down. You can pencil in Cena vs. Booker for a US Title feud and that’s a pretty good place to be. Or Cena vs. Angle down the line when Angle gets out of the wheelchair permanently.

Heidenreich is coming. I mean, coming back as he was already on Raw a few times but now he’s going to be a monster. Oh and he has Paul Heyman with him.

Eddie Guerrero praises El Gran Luchadore but says this week, JBL won’t be able to run. Inside the case there is fear, anxiety, pain and the WWE Championship. That’s going to be a real high for Eddie.

Quick look back at Paul London and Billy Kidman winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

D-Von Dudley vs. Paul London

D-Von gets aggressive to start and hammers away in the corner with London’s right hands not having much effect. Bubba’s advice to D-Von: “KILL HIM!” A suplex gives D-Von two and a Hennig neck snap is good for the same. That means it’s off to a neck crank (Bubba: “COME ON CHAMP!”) for a bit before London flips out of a German suplex attempt. An enziguri hits D-Von for two but he backdrops London out to the floor. Bubba decks Kidman and whips London with a belt but London sends the Dudleys into each other and rolls D-Von up for the pin.

Rating: D. Quick and to the point here with London winning off a glorified fluke. That’s not the worst thing in the world though as they won the titles clean in the match that really matters. Beating some fired up Dudleys either at a big Smackdown or at Summerslam will be a good win for the champs as they’re actually being built up as a new team. See how easy it can be?

Reigns wants Cena so Angle makes the match for next week. For now though, Angle wants to watch the main event and promises that no one will forget tonight. Nothing ominous there at all. I do appreciate the hole in the wall not being repaired or addressed in any way.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and the ONLY way to win is pin, submission or escape over the top (the door is chained shut). I don’t think WWE knows the definition of “only”. Also, there’s something amusing about the announcement that this is the cage match as the cage is being lowered. The fans are rabid for Eddie here. JBL seems to panic a bit as he sees that the cage is locked. Eddie can’t send him into the cage to start so he goes with right hands to the head instead.

Instead JBL sends him head first into the cage but it’s way too early to go over the top. A fall away slam sends Eddie flying but he’s still fine enough to make a save. JBL gets knocked down so Eddie tries and misses a frog splash. Eddie is up fast enough to crotch JBL on the top and Three Amigos keep the champ in trouble. They head up top and JBL grabs a top rope superplex to send us to a break.

Back again with Eddie hitting a dropkick to block the Clothesline From JBL and they’re both down. JBL is up first and gets two off a spinebuster as the fans get behind Eddie again. This attempt gets cut off with a grab of the trunks (and a bit too much exposure), setting up a Russian legsweep from the top. Eddie takes his time getting up so JBL slaps on a sleeper this time around. That’s not the most thrilling move in the world and not something that I like to see in a cage match, though JBL choking with the wrist tape helps a bit more.

Eddie gets smart by running in a circle and using the momentum to send JBL flying into the cage for a break. Another ram into the cage gets a delayed two but JBL backdrops him into the cage. That means an even more delayed two, followed by the Clothesline From JBL for a not very near fall.

We take another break and come back again with Eddie jumping up the side of the cage to make a save. They head back down to the mat with Eddie reversing a fall away slam into the cage into a DDT. He goes up instead of covering though and gets a leg over the top before JBL makes a save. The still good powerbomb gets two more and it’s JBL’s turn to climb up and get pulled back down. Eddie goes all the way to the top of the cage….and turns around for the frog splash in the big spot of the match.

There’s no cover at first though so we look at an angle from the side, which makes it look even better. JBL eventually kicks out, which isn’t surprising as it took almost a minute after the splash hit. A DDT gives JBL a long breather and he goes up this time but Eddie is right behind him. Cue El Gran Luchadore to climb into the cage though and grab Eddie’s leg. That’s enough for JBL to get out and retain the title, sucking the life out of the arena.

Rating: B. These two have certainly figured out some better chemistry and this was a heck of a good match with nearly half an hour including commercials. The important thing here was they nailed the drama and Eddie can’t really complain about losing when he had the win but went for the splash instead. The ending is going to move Eddie on to something else, though I’m almost worried about what is next for JBL. It takes the right opponent to get something passable out of him and this show is thin on top at the moment.

Post match Luchadore jumps Eddie and goes to leave but Eddie pulls the mask off just in time. It’s Angle, who is mad that he lost his mask but happy that Eddie lost to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show all things considered, though I’m not sure how good things can be in the future. Eddie vs. Angle is a proven solid match and Cena vs. Booker will be fine. Above all else, the lack of JBL talking helped so much around here. He can have a watchable enough match under the right circumstances, but there aren’t many people left to fight him at the moment. Anyway, I’ll take what I can get for the big show of the month, even though what’s coming might be a lot weaker.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: July 8, 2004
Location: Winnipeg Arena, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s title night around here as John Cena is defending the US Title against Booker T., who earned his shot at the title by winning a triple threat match last week. Other than that it’s time to build things up for next week when JBL defends the Smackdown World Title against Eddie Guerrero. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mark Jindrak

Rene Dupree is on commentary. I had forgotten Jindrak is a thing, though he’s now called the Reflection of Perfection, meaning he has Lex Luger’s mirror in the ring. He and Teddy Long have also split, but it’s described as amicable. Jindrak knocks him to the floor at the bell and the beating is on in a hurry with some rams into the barricade. Back in and the choking continues with Jindrak nipping up to show off a bit.

Rob tries to go up top but Jindrak hits an awesome looking standing dropkick (at one point Jindrak had the highest vertical leap in WWE history) to knock him into the barricade. The reverse chinlock with a knee in the back has Van Dam in more trouble but Rob comes back with a kick to the face. Rob’s rolling monkey flip out of the corner sets up another kick to the face but Rolling Thunder hits knees. A belly to back superplex is broken up though and Van Dam hits the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Jindrak was an amazing athlete and could jump like few others but everything between those jumps didn’t work so well. At least he’s a fresh name though as we haven’t see him do anything in recent months. That’s better than having Van Dam and Dupree fight each other time after time and a lesson that WWE could learn a lot from today.

We look back at JBL defending the World Title against Spike Dudley last week and Eddie Guerrero coming in for the post match beatdown. Eddie announced a cage match for the title two weeks later. Good ending after a dull match.

JBL talks about how much better a champion he is because Eddie didn’t offer handshakes or come to Canada while he held the title. Eddie is no gentleman and he probably didn’t even graduate from high school. JBL isn’t worried because he’s a champion’s champion and a man’s man who doesn’t belong in a cage. The growing JBL fan club will carry him through though and he can hear the chants starting from here. Tonight, he’s facing El Gran Luchadore, the champion of Mexico, who he’s fought before and comes in to see him here (looks to be Shannon Moore this time around). This time, it’s going to be a massacre.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Billy Kidman vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are defending and this is a rematch from Velocity where the champs had to get themselves disqualified to save the titles. It’s a brawl to start with London hitting a top rope missile dropkick, followed by an assisted moonsault for two on D-Von. London unloads with right hands until Bubba low bridges him out to the floor. Back in and D-Von hits a Hennig neck snap of all things and it’s Bubba coming in to stay on the neck.

Actually make that the knee as Bubba finally takes notice of the big brace. D-Von comes back in to grab the foot and….really that’s about it. He doesn’t twist on it or anything and is really just putting his hands on the foot. Bubba adds the apron legdrop and it’s a reverse chinlock to keep D-Von in control.

The middle rope headbutt misses though and there’s the hot tag to Kidman, in full accordance with the tag team formula. Everything breaks down and it’s D-Von and London being sent to the floor. What would have been the longest What’s Up ever is broken up so Kidman rolls through and lets London hit it on Bubba instead. London’s superkick sets up the shooting star press to give Kidman the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. The title change is quite the surprise but the big deal here is how fast the Dudleys fell. They went from main eventing a pay per view to losing the titles completely clean here in about two weeks. That’s an incredible collapse and really, something that needed to happen. Amazingly enough, that would be the team’s last title reign in WWE. It’s almost hard to believe that they never did it again but they would be gone in a few months and then left for about ten years. Quite the low key ending to their title years.

Post break the celebration is on, complete with champagne and congratulations from Billy Gunn. Well now it’s certainly a big deal. The Dudleys come in and shake their hands and no violence ensues.

Kenzo Suzuki has Hiroko translate a promo for him. He doesn’t like what John Cena has been saying about him lately and wants revenge. Kenzo is misunderstood and has great respect for America because it’s the land of opportunity. Kenzo: “God bless of America!”

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T.

Cena is defending but before the match he needs to remind us that the champ is here in Manitoba. Booker isn’t getting the title back tonight because Cena is five times better and has five times the groupies. Cena isn’t losing to a Whoopi Goldberg lookalike, which is a line that the fans rather like. Cue Kenzo Suzuki for a fight but Cena beats him down with ease. With Suzuki down on the floor, Luther Reigns comes in and lays Cena out with the reverse swinging neckbreaker. I guess the match will be taking place later, because Kurt Angle will send his goon in to lay Cena out, but he’s fair about things.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El Gran Luchadore

Non-title and JBL makes sure to shake hands on the way to the ring. It’s such a relief to have this new “I love you people” gimmick than what we were getting before he won the title. It’s still bad, but it’s not insufferably bad and that’s a step up. Hang on though as JBL needs to sanitize his hands. That’s very important in a foreign company. Luchadore rolls away to start but gets caught with a right hand to the mask.

Back up and Luchadore poses a bit too much, earning himself another knockdown. A running dropkick has JBL in trouble and a moonsault press gets two. JBL has had it with this and sends him outside so the real beating can begin. The huge clothesline drops Luchadore and there’s a second one to make it even worse as the fans chant for Eddie. Luchadore gets tied in the Tree of Woe with JBL ripping at his face for painful measure. A belly to back superplex makes things even worse and JBL kicks him out to the floor.

Cue a second El Gran Luchadore from underneath the ring to throw JBL outside and leave a banana peel on the mat before hiding again. The referee is so confused that the Luchadores are able to switch and the Eddie Guerrero dance might give you a clue as to what’s going on (in case you’re REALLY slow). Three Amigos (Cole: “That’s Mexican!”) have JBL bailing to the floor and it’s a countout as Luchadore says there’s no running next week.

Rating: D+. This was an entertaining squash until the angle, which went on a little longer than it needed to. JBL not taking a pin is a good idea as he doesn’t have the highest standing in the world at the moment and having him get beaten so soon would have been a bad idea. Not as bad of an idea as making him champion in the first place, but a bad idea nonetheless.

Luchadore says play Eddie’s music because they’re close.

Booker says he’ll win the title because he’s better than Cena. That’s about as to the point as you can get.

Raw Rebound.

Rey Mysterio, Scotty 2 Hotty and Spike Dudley are ready for their six man tonight when Bubba and D-Von come in to talk to their cousin. Scotty and Rey leave and advise Spike to help defend the family name tonight because he already let them down last week. Spike says he didn’t want their advice last week when they were champions. Why would he want it now? Sick little burn there.

Rey Mysterio/Scotty 2 Hotty/Spike Dudley vs. Chavo Guerrero/Akio/Jamie Noble

It’s off to Scotty to clean house and everything breaks down. Spike drops a top rope double stomp to the ribs and stomps on Chavo in the corner. The Dudley Dog gets two on Noble with Chavo making a quick save. That earns Chavo the Worm but Akio knocks Scotty outside. Chavo ducks the 619 so Rey catapults him outside, setting up a top rope Asai moonsault onto Chavo and Akio. Back in and Noble tiger drives the heck out of Spike for the pin. Like I said: Rey didn’t need partners.

Rating: B-. This was a heck of a fun little match with all six guys going out there and getting in everything they could in a little bit of time. Mysterio needs a fresh challenger though and it would make sense to have Noble (or anyone for that matter) come after the title. They could have had something special with more time, but what we got was quite good.

Paul Heyman doesn’t care about the Dudleys losing the Tag Team Titles because he has to worry about the Undertaker. Fair point actually. Heyman needs to say something to Undertaker and he’ll do it in the ring tonight.

We look back at last week’s completely unshocking moment with Undertaker announcing that with Paul Bearer gone, he’s going to destroy Paul Heyman.

Speaking of Heyman, he’s in the ring, with the Urn, to address Undertaker. He pulls out a statement, which says that everything that happened to Bearer was the Dudleys’ fault. Then the Dudleys got what they deserved so now Heyman wants to make a peace offering: the return of the Urn. Near tears, Heyman gets down on his knees and begs for a pass, rather than begging for forgiveness. No one is backing him up out here and he’s a little lamb lost in the wilderness, begging the reaper to pass on by. If Undertaker lets him live, Heyman will cross his path no more. And that’s it as I guess we’ll get to that later.

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T.

The banged up Cena is defending. Hang on though as here’s Kurt Angle, still in a wheelchair but now carrying a cane. The distraction lets Booker get in a cheap shot and the beating is on in a hurry. A superkick gets two and it’s off to a top wristlock instead of staying on the bad neck. Cena starts the early comeback with a powerslam and hip toss for two each, followed by the Shuffle for two more.

The FU is blocked with the grab of the rope and Booker dumps him. Angle gets to his feet for the first time in months and limps over to Cena for a cane shot (breaking the cane) to the back. We take a break and come back with Booker dropping a knee and grabbing the chinlock. What a change of pace to coming back to the chinlock. Totally different you see. Cena fights up like a good guy fighting out of a chinlock but walks into a spinebuster.

The jumping kick to the face gets a delayed two and it’s right back to the chinlock. Cena kicks out of three straight covers and, you know it, back to the chinlock again. Back up yet again and Cena grabs a DDT for two of his own. Booker’s snap suplex gets the same and a Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor. Cena isn’t done and clotheslines Booker into Angle. Back in and Cena hits the FU but Reigns comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Quite the slog of a match here with Booker using a ton of chinlocks and Cena’s neck injury not having much to do with the match. With Booker jumping Cena from behind, you could have written the Reigns attack from earlier out entirely and not changed a thing. These two should be capable of so much more and that’s kind of a shame given how the match had been set up.

Post match Reigns beats Cena down but Angle says bring the title with him. Cena causing Angle to be knocked over is enough for him to be stripped of the US Title. Angle is very happy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a very good show here with the six man tag being the only really strong part. The Eddie/JBL segment did its job but took too long to make it work as well as it should have. Other than that, the show was pretty mediocre at best and that’s not enough to make a full show work. That being said, I’ll take this over the horrible shows they were putting on just a few months ago any day.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: July 1, 2004
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s very fitting that this is the halfway point of the year because it’s all downhill from here. JBL won the Smackdown World Title on Sunday, leaving us with a barren wasteland to look forward to. Other than that, Undertaker murdered Paul Bearer, which I’m sure will result in an explanation rather than, you know, life in prison for killing a man on television. Let’s get to it.

Just like on Monday, we open with the announcement that WWE has won some marketing awards.

A smug Kurt Angle opens the show and brags about costing Eddie Guerrero the title, even though the replay shows that it wasn’t exactly a questionable call. We see a video on the match and my stomach turns a bit at having to relieve the start of such a nightmare. Angle introduces JBL as the new champion and we jump to the arena.

Cole sounds as depressed as I am about the whole thing, though hearing Cole makes things even worse. The limo is covered in American flags and we get the long form entrance. The one compliment I’ll give JBL: I like the way he held the title with the belt clasped. Just looked cool. He even shakes hands and kisses babies on the way to the ring. There are even more flags on the ring, plus a CONGRATULATIONS JBL banner.

JBL declares it the dawning of a new era (wrestling loves eras) and promises to become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. He’ll shake hands, followed by a good washing of course because the champ can’t get sick. JBL: “It’s not personal. It’s just personal hygiene.” He talks about how JFK and Ronald Reagan were both taken away from us so America needs a hero. If you’d like, you can chant JBL. Those chants will inspire him to be a better champion than Eddie Guerrero, and they make him want to defend the title tonight.

After having to be reminded what city they’re in, it turns out that he gets to pick who gets the title shot. It will NOT be Eddie though, because Eddie has fallen off the wagon a bit. Right now, Eddie is probably knee deep in pills or vodka because he’s not here shaking JBL’s hand and calling him the better man. JBL promises to be a fighting champion to wrap things up. This was what you would have expected from a new gloating champion, but that doesn’t make the fact that JBL is champion any better.

Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T. vs. Rene Dupree

The winner gets a US Title shot at some point in the future. Rob strikes away to start and cleans a bit of the house, including backdropping Dupree to the floor. Another kick and the standing moonsault get two on Booker and the top rope kick to the face is good for the same with Dupree making the save. They’re certainly starting fast here. Dupree punches Rob down but gets kicked down just as fast as Booker was.

Rolling Thunder gets two and of course Booker comes in just in time for the save. It’s kind of amazing how triple threat matches wind up having so many coincidences no? They all stay in for a change with Rene dropping an elbow on Van Dam but Booker’s kick misses Van Dam and puts Dupree down by mistake. With Dupree tied in the ropes, Booker tries to bring in a chair but gets caught in a Van Daminator for his efforts. A big dive to the floor drops Dupree again and we take a break.

Back with Dupree dropping a middle rope elbow on Van Dam and getting annoyed when Booker goes for the cover. Fair enough. That’s the extent of the argument as it’s back to double teaming Van Dam in the corner until Dupree throws him outside. Booker takes a low blow and gets choked a bit until Van Dam comes back in, only to be thrown face first into a chair in the corner.

The spinebuster sends Dupree outside and there’s the Spinarooni for good measure. Van Dam kicks him down though and the Five Star crushes Booker, with Rob writhing around in so much pain that Dupree covers him for two. With Booker on the floor, Dupree gets in some snap jabs until Rob kicks him down again. The Five Star hits Dupree this time but Booker pulls Rob out at two and steals the pin.

Rating: B-. This was much better than I was expecting, even though it was the same formula that you’ve seen a dozen times in these things. Booker winning is the best option as a feud with Cena will only do good for both guys. If nothing else, maybe it can make Booker put in some more effort after some uninspired performances. Dupree vs. Van Dam can be fine for a one off match if that’s where they want to go.

JBL’s opponents are assembled in the locker room whenever he can get around to them.

Luther Reigns makes Charles Robinson watch a clip of the end of Torrie Wilson vs. Sable with the horribly botched ending where Torrie’s shoulders were both up. Robinson is sorry, but tonight he has to referee the rematch. Sweet goodness can’t we just have him tarred and feathered instead?

Cena and Booker yell at each other when JBL comes in. A few others are there and one of them will get a title shot tonight. After teasing various people getting the shot, he picks Spike Dudley, who isn’t in the room. Cena laughs at Bubba and D-Von for this, even though it’s not funny.

We look back at Booker winning the title shot. We’ve had a promo, the match and some backstage segments. That really needed to be shown again? Anyway the title match is next week.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mordecai

Non-title, though that might just be understood. Rey kicks at the leg to start but a drop toehold doesn’t work. Instead he goes with the basement dropkick and Mordecai is in more trouble than he’s been in to date. A lifting full nelson puts Rey in some trouble and Mordecai puts the back of Rey’s head against the post for a good pulling.

Mordecai throws Rey over his back for a choke until Rey slips out and starts kicking even more. No wonder he and Van Dam teamed up so often. A crossbody gives Rey two and the springboard DDT plants Mordecai. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Mordecai powerbombs him onto the rope (looked like a botch). The crucifix bomb is countered into a hurricanrana to put Mordecai away.

Rating: D. And that’s it for Mordecai, as he’s going back to OVW. He’s a rather infamous failure and one of those guys who came and went while making a bit of a lasting impression. I never realized how short an amount of time he was around as he only had three televised matches. I know the matches he had were bad, but there’s only so much you can do when your two matches are on pay per view against Scotty 2 Hotty and Hardcore Holly, neither of which had any significant story.

Getting into a bar fight a few weeks before this and having someone get injured in the process didn’t help things either, but they didn’t exactly give him much to work with in the ring. It’s a cool gimmick and he looked awesome, though it was pretty clear that there were a lot of things working against him. Granted, the stuff he did in the ring wasn’t exactly great. What kind of a religious extremist uses chinlocks to purge sin?

The announcers talk about Undertaker turning on Paul Bearer and burying him in concrete to end the Great American Bash. Footage is promised, even though it might not be suitable for all audiences. Who exactly is that suitable for?

Before we get the footage though, here’s Paul Heyman to talk about what Undertaker did. It was Heyman who showed Undertaker the way and apparently that was the right thing, rather than what Heyman told him was the right thing (laying down in the match). Now we see the video, which is just a long recap of the match and post match murder. Back in the arena, Heyman talks about Undertaker no longer has a conscious and will be more deadly than ever.

Lighting comes out of the posts though and Undertaker appears on the screen (likely in an undisclosed location to avoids prosecution). Undertaker calls Bearer his one weakness and points out the obvious: now that Bearer is gone, Heyman is a dead man. For some reason this shocks Heyman, who is WAY smarter than this. What exactly was he expecting to happen here? This is the kind of thing that some crazy, stupid manager would do and that’s not Heyman whatsoever. It’s very out of character for him and thankfully that’s the last straw on this stupid story.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

So you have two Playboy cover girls here and the focus is on the referee. Torrie doesn’t wait for the bell so Sable runs outside, only to get thrown back in rather quickly. Sable gets catapulted face first into the buckle and Torrie hits some of the lamest stomps I’ve ever seen. A forearm knocks Torrie off the apron though and Sable starts in with the knees and legs. Choking ensues and Sable yells at Robinson for telling her to break. Torrie’s backslide gets two and a DDT finishes Sable. Robinson wasn’t really a factor.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure if I can call anything with Torrie and Sable involved a failure but this was about as close as you can get. They can’t wrestle, they can’t move around the ring well, they can’t show emotion and they can’t….well pretty much anything positive outside of look good. I get the gist here, but this stuff is really hard to watch.

Actually hang on a second as Kurt Angle pops up on screen to say Robinson needs to learn a lesson. Now take off your shirt.

Charles Robinson vs. Luther Reigns

And never mind as Charlie Haas runs in for the save after about ten seconds. Reigns isn’t happy.

Raw Rebound.

Spike is warming up when the Dudleys come in and think something is up. Bubba says they’ve never gotten an opportunity like this (yes he has) and tonight they’ll help Spike win so they can come get a title shot of their own. Spike turns them down and doesn’t seem happy. I don’t like where this is going.

Here are Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko so the former can rant in Japanese and laugh evily. This brings out John Cena to say that Suzuki is angry every week but no one understands a thing he’s saying. Cena knows some basic Japanese like sushi and sake, sending him into a story about having a little too much one night. After a Godzilla impression, Cena says he’s here for Suzuki because he’s fluent in Japanese. We see the same Suzuki promo with Cena “translating” into a bunch of jokes about bodily functions and Hiroko’s white face paint. That’s about it actually, with no violence or big punch line.

JBL shakes more hands but finds Eddie Guerrero’s car. Nervous laughter abounds.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging and the announcers are smartly bringing up the small Mysterio beating the monster Mordecai earlier in the night. JBL powers him around (well duh) to start as the Eddie chants are trying to get going. The slow beating continues and the pro-Eddie chants have morphed into BRADSHAW SUCKS chants. Spike manages to take him down into the corner for some rapid fire stomps but the champ sends him outside in a heap.

A hard forearm to the back sets up a whip into the steps and it’s off to a torture rack. That’s broken up and Spike hammers away in the corner, only to get slammed right back down. The Clothesline From JBL misses and the Dudley Dog gets two, with the fans gasping at some false hope. A spinebuster sets up a pair of Clotheslines From JBL, followed by a powerbomb to retain.

Rating: D-. Well what else were you expecting from JBL vs. Spike Dudley for about eight minutes? This was mostly a squash with the fans gasping at the idea of the title changing hands. I don’t know if that’s just the shock or wanting anyone but JBL to be champion, but it’s not the best sign if this reign is going to last a long time.

Post match Eddie is here and the beatdown is on but JBL rolls away before the frog splash. As the champ leaves, Eddie says enjoy the title while you can, because the rematch is in two weeks inside a cage.

Overall Rating: D. It could have been worse. JBL has started become a bit more bearable as he’s not talking about the same things over and over again every time. Now that he’s finally champion, we can finally get back to some new challengers and not hearing about how he’s claiming his destiny or whatever it is that he babbled about forever.

Other than that the US Title stuff was fine, but the lower midcard acts were some of the weakest they’ve been in a long time. Between that and Undertaker being like “oh, and now I’m a monster again” and Heyman being stunned, there wasn’t much to get excited about this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Great American Bash 2004
Date: June 27, 2004
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We had to get here at some point and that’s not the most appealing thing in the world. The double main event will see JBL challenging Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Title in a Texas Bullrope match (totally different than the Montana bullrope match) and the Undertaker vs. the Dudley Boyz in a Concrete Crypt match (totally different than the good idea match). Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on being yourself (like Eddie Guerrero and John Cena) no matter what people say (like JBL and Kurt Angle). And something about Undertaker trying to save Paul Bearer from being encased in concrete as a bunch of children recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Here’s Torrie Wilson as the sexy Uncle Sam to welcome us to the show, with a special shout out to the US armed forces. That’s nice of them, but when you cut to the cement mixer that might be used for televised murder, it doesn’t have the same impact.

US Title: John Cena vs. Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and this is under elimination rules. We get the pre-match rap with Cena making his usual gay jokes, this time about Kurt Angle. He also throws in a GI Bro joke for old times’ sake but that’s a bit too classy so let’s get some gay jokes in on Rene as well. The brawl is on to start with Booker and Rene being knocked down so we can have the Van Dam vs. Cena slugout.

Booker pulls Rob outside and sends him into various things as Rene suplexes Cena for two. Rene actually wins a slugout with Cena (how odd) and even low bridges him to the floor. After Rene struts a bit, Booker is smart enough to send Rob inside so he doesn’t have to do much early on. That means chinlockery as Booker yells at the fans. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder as the singles match continues. Dupree gets sent outside so Rob flip dives onto both he and Cena with the latter being thrown back in.

Some rollups give Rob two as Booker is still content to watch from ringside. Again: not the worst idea and showing some good thinking here. Some place switching leaves us with Rene vs. Booker for a double knockdown, allowing Van Dam to hit a Five Star on Rene. Cena gets knocked off the top and now the Five Star hits Booker. The writhing around on the mat takes too long though and Cena rolls Van Dam up for the first elimination.

The double teaming of Cena begins with Booker dropping the knee. Booker isn’t going to let Rene steal his cover though and there’s the required argument between two morons who are in complete control. Cena makes his comeback in short order and there’s an FU on Rene, but Booker kicks Cena down and steals the elimination.

We’re down to one on one with Booker hitting a side slam for a fast two. The chinlock goes on for a long time (albeit with a stop for a kick to the face in the middle) and Cena fights up as you might expect. Right hands and a side slam set up the Shuffle for two as Cena is getting fired up. Booker is right back with his kick to the face but the ax kick misses, setting up the FU to retain Cena’s title.

Rating: C+. Good opener here with Cena fighting through the odds and getting a nice win. They’re turning him into a star with this reign and beating three guys is a great way to get him higher up the ladder. You could easily do a Cena vs. Booker feud to make things even better from here.

I’m still not sure what difference it made to have this be an elimination match though, as Cena won the first fall and the rules let him avoid a lot of punishment by standing outside. Odds are it’s just a time thing, but it doesn’t make a ton of sense at least from Angle’s perspective. The one thing that worries me here: this was one of the few solid matches they had on the show and we have nearly two and a half hours to go. This could get bad in a hurry.

In the back, Cena hits on Jackie Gayda (also in a red, white and blue outfit) when Angle comes up. He’s not happy with Charlie Haas, who has fallen way too far. Charlie can face Angle’s new protege right now. Good thing Charlie was standing right there in his gear. This segment was straight out of a regular episode of Smackdown.

Sable is in a hot tub to interview….herself. She’s hotter than Torrie and can prove it tonight.

Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns

Jackie and Angle are here too, making this about as overbooked as you could ask it to be. Charlie tries the wrestling to start but can’t do much with the really strong Reigns. A boot to the chest drops Charlie and the stomping begins. One heck of a whip into the corner has Angle applauding and Haas gets tossed outside. The chinlock goes on and Jackie goes into cheerleading mode, which fits well given that she’s in something close to a cheerleading outfit.

A gorilla press gives Reigns two and we hit a half crab, which is about as bad of an idea as you could have right now. Charlie fights up and gets punched into the corner as Angle tells Reigns to hurry up. Some suplexes give Charlie two but he misses a charge into the post, setting up the rolling cutter to give Reigns the pin.

Rating: D-. What am I even supposed to say here? It’s a match that would have been boring on Smackdown and is getting pay per view time because they don’t have anything else to put on in its place. Reigns is fine for what he is, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be getting a pay per view spot, especially in a bad squash.

JBL says he got ripped off at Judgment Day and tonight, he gets what he wants. As always. And remember: everyone who doesn’t like him is wrong because he’s great and gets to prove it. Thank goodness the fans were already asleep after the previous match.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Chavo is challenging after winning a battle royal on Tuesday. He’s on his own here as I guess we’re no longer graces by the essence of Classic. Dang it he was one of the best things about this show (not the highest bar to clear but still). They hit the mat to start with Rey rolling him up for two as Chavo can’t keep up. Chavo’s rollup gives him two of his own and that means a standoff.

Rey slaps on an armbar and gets two more off another rollup, meaning the second standoff in just a few minutes. Seems like they have a lot of time here. It’s back to the arm with a short armscissors but Rey tries to go for a springboard, allowing Chavo to dropkick him to the floor. Rey comes up holding his knee and Chavo has a target. Some cannonballs down onto the knee have Rey in trouble but he uses the good leg to kick Chavo out to the floor. It doesn’t do much good as Chavo comes back in for a half crab Liontamer.

For some reason Chavo picks him up in a wheelbarrow, allowing Rey to plant him with the bulldog. Sometimes villains never learn. Chavo is fine enough to whip him into the corner and the knee gives out. A near Jackhammer gives Chavo two and it’s right back to the knee. It’s off to a Brock Lock for a bit until Rey fights up with a headscissors (though it was more like Rey falling down and Chavo flipping). Chavo is smart enough to kick at the knee again and this time he ties Rey in the Tree of Woe.

As expected though, Chavo tries a completely unnecessary charge and goes shoulder first into the post. That means a seated senton off the top, with Rey landing on the knee again. My goodness there are some stupid people in this match. Back in and they go to the top at the same time for a double faceplant. Rey gets two off a rollup and hits a quick middle rope dropkick, followed by a Russian legsweep for a little change of pace.

The springboard seated senton gets two but Rey charges into a Gory Bomb for two (with the bad arm keeping him from hooking the leg). Rey enziguris him into the ropes but the 619 is countered into another half crab. That’s rolled through as well so Chavo tries a second Gory Bomb, which is reversed into a sunset flip to retain the title.

Rating: B. I’ve got a feeling this is the high point for the show and we’re not even halfway through. They had a nice story going with the knee vs. the arm and it played into the action multiple times. These two know each other so well that it’s almost impossible to not have a good match and the nearly twenty minutes never felt long. Solid match here and the best thing the show is likely to have.

Torrie is in the hot tub with some cruiserweights. They argue over the match until she stands up. Funaki: “God bless America.”

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn

For those of you who were begging for a rematch. Cole on Suzuki: “He’s undefeated on American soil.” He’s not even undefeated this week ham head. We even see a clip of the loss to make Cole look even dumber. They stare at each other to start, though Gunn stares at Hiroko to add in some flavor. Gunn starts with some right hands and a fisherman’s suplex for two. A swinging neckbreaker keeps Gunn in trouble but the claw legsweep drops him.

The nerve hold goes on as you can hear the fans slowly dying before our eyes. Suzuki elbows him in the face to cut off a comeback and it’s time to choke with a knee. A suplex sets up a seated abdominal stretch to keep Gunn in trouble. The USA chants (remember this is a Navy town so they’re extra strong) eventually overcome the power of boring wrestling so Gunn starts the comeback with a Stinger Splash.

Rating: F. It was bad on Smackdown and it was even worse here because it had more time. Suzuki is already a disaster and I don’t see him getting any better anytime soon. He has no charisma and isn’t intimidating as he’s every Japanese stereotype you can think of in one bad heel. The finishers are even worse as they’re the kind of moves you would expect about two minutes into a ten minute match, not as a way to wrap things up.

Heyman has Paul Bearer bound and gagged (Again: SOMEONE CALL THE COPS ALREADY!!!) and promises that he isn’t bluffing. He explains the idea of murdering Bearer by encasing him in concrete and undoing the gag just as Bearer is about to suffocate. Is he going to have a fishing pole rigged up or is he diving into the concrete to get the gag? Undertaker has to do the right thing of Bearer dies. This gets dumber and dumber every time they talk about it.

Torrie Wilson vs. Sable

Torrie is in red, white and blue while Sable is in red. Commie. Sable bails to start as the cameraman suddenly starts getting some rather close shots with some carefully selected angles. Something like a snapmare out of the corner lets Sable carefully kick her in the back. They manage to screw up a sunset flip and a drop toehold before Sable chokes on the rope.

Rating: F. That’s one of the worst women’s matches I’ve ever seen as not only did they look terrible, but they even had a few minutes to work, making the punishment last even longer. Just have them stand around and look good and be done with it because this is a disaster. Oh and well done on having the one in the American flag gear lose in the match after the evil Japanese guy won. I would ask if they wanted to kill the crowd, but just look at the show so far.

Replays show that neither shoulder was down. How do you possibly screw that up so badly?

Dawn Marie is by the hot tub to talk to Rene, who insists that he’s getting a rematch for the title. He offers to show her his, ahem, French Tickler and then dances. The FBI shows up with Nunzio showing off his shoe size. She doesn’t seem to get the reference so let’s make fun of Dupree for having small shoes.

Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly

Because WWE hates us. They start fighting at the bell with Holly tying him in the ropes. That’s not a good look for a religious zealot. Mordecai gets loose and sends him into the staff at ringside before starting in on the back. A boot to the side of the head sets up a chinlock, which again is an improvement after what we’ve sat through so far. Holly fights up and hits a hot shot, followed by a top rope clothesline. Mordecai plants him with a sitout spinebuster for two, followed by the crucifix bomb for the pin.

Rating: F. I don’t remember the last time I saw three F’s in a row. High school probably. This was another terrible mess with Mordecai having a great look but not being able to do a thing in the ring. Then again, what are you expecting in a match against Holly on pay per view? This had no business being on a major show, especially the third terrible match like this in a row.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL. Eddie was left a bloody mess at Judgment Day but he retained the title. Now it’s a Texas Bullrope match because JBL is still a thing and he doesn’t want Eddie to be able to get himself disqualified. Hearing his promos over the highlight package are draining, which says a lot given that I just sat through the three previous matches on the card.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending and it’s a Texas Bullrope match, meaning they’re attached at the wrist and you win by touching four consecutive corners. There are lights over the corners to designate someone touching a post. Tony Chimel announces the rules, and says you can get disqualified if you unhook yourself from the rope. Wait. We just sat through a video where JBL said he made the rules so Eddie can’t get disqualified. But there’s a rule where Eddie can get disqualified? That’s some Roddy Piper Starrcade 1996 logic.

Of course there’s a bell on the rope, just in case you were hoping to avoid some really annoying sounds in this one. Eddie goes for the knee to start and them tosses JBL down with the rope. A bell shot to the knee has Eddie in trouble as the rope comes off for a few seconds. Eddie comes back with a backdrop and gets two buckles but a rope shot to the throat breaks the momentum (always the clearest concept in the world) and we’re back to even.

There’s a cowbell to the head and JBL ties him in the Tree of Woe for some choking. It’s time to set up the announcers’ table but Eddie slips out of what looked like a powerbomb and trips him down. Eddie uses the rope to pull JBL into the post a few times and then CRACKS him in the head with a chair (same spot as at Judgment Day) but JBL’s cut is nothing compared to Eddie’s gusher.

Back in and JBL begs off so Eddie chairs him down again and gets three buckles until JBL wakes up. That’s enough to break the momentum so Eddie chokes with the rope as the blood is really flowing now. A DDT gets JBL out of trouble but Eddie crotches him with the rope, only to get pulled down after three buckles. Three Amigos set up the frog splash and Eddie gets three buckles (a buckle per Amigo I guess) so JBL rolls outside to break the momentum in a smart move.

JBL catches Eddie up top with a bell shot to the head and LAUNCHES him onto the announcers’ table, which doesn’t break. Cole declares the wooden tables to be nearly concrete. Must be mahogany. JBL powerbombs him through the table and falls down for a few moments of his own. That’s only good for three buckles so JBL bells him in the head again.

Three more buckles are touched until Eddie gets in a low blow with the bell to break things up. Both guys are spent but manages to stumble into three buckles but it’s a tug of war for the fourth. Eddie pulls JBL away from the corner and even whips him with the rope, though none of that counts as breaking momentum. A big dive over JBL reaches the fourth buckle though and Eddie retains.

Rating: B. Actually a heck of a brawl with JBL going with the power offense that he’s pretty good at instead of doing headlocks and holds like in the previous match. The rules suited them a lot better this time around and the blood made it look very violent. Also, it’s rather cool to have Eddie retain because the idea of JBL as champion gives me hives.

Actually hang on as Angle is wheeled out to show us a replay. It turns out that the dive sent JBL’s back into the corner and that means we have a new champion. A good part here: the announcers had made it clear that it could be any part of the body touching the buckle to count so it fits the rules perfectly. Eddie is crushed and I’m in need of some medication for these hives.

Long recap of the Dudley Boyz vs. Undertaker, which is actually headlining here. Heyman wanted to see more aggression from the Dudleys so they kidnapped Paul Bearer for the sake of forcing Undertaker to follow Heyman’s orders. Of course this turned into Heyman threatening to BURY BEARER IN CONCRETE, because that’s the first logical move. Undertaker now has to “do the right thing” (still not specified) or Bearer is, uh, killed.

Undertaker vs. Dudley Boyz

Bearer is in a concrete case near the entrance with Heyman controlling a lever which will pour cement inside. Before the match, Heyman gives a demonstration of the cement flowing. He pulls the lever, and cement flows. Yep. That’s certainly a thing that works. Apparently DO THE RIGHT THING involves Undertaker laying down for the pin. After a minute and a half, and some Bubba trash talk, Undertaker lays down but grabs Bubba by the throat before the cover.

We start properly with D-Von hammering away in the corner so Undertaker makes a comeback. As expected, that earns more yelling from Heyman and the cement going up to Bearer’s shoulders. Bubba actually goes up to Heyman and tells him to chill because they have this. Back in and Undertaker slugs his way out of a chinlock but gets elbowed in the jaw for two instead.

A double suplex gives Bubba two and it’s time for more shouting. Bubba takes him outside for a piece of the announcers’ table to the back for two. The slow beating continues because the Dudleys have nothing to offer here outside of the 3D. What else did they really expect this match to be anyway? And now, just because, Bubba grabs a sleeper. Thankfully Undertaker gets in a hurry off a belly to back suplex as Heyman likes the visual of Bearer in cement.

Undertaker makes his comeback with the big boot and legdrop to D-Von as Bubba makes the save. That means Old School to Bubba, who jumps up before impact for some reason. A low blow gets Bubba out of the Tombstone and there’s the reverse 3D to put everyone down. Heyman comes to ringside so Undertaker sits up for the scary staredown. There’s a chokeslam to Bubba and the Tombstone pins D-Von.

Rating: F. That has to be in the running for worst main event of all time. Again, what were they expecting here? This was horribly boring with Undertaker stumbling around as Bubba and D-Von did nothing that would make you think Undertaker was ever in danger. It’s a really bad match, and made even worse when you remember that it’s headlining this show. They couldn’t even go with the World Title change here instead for a great visual of the dejected Eddie ending the show?

Oh and again: ATTEMPTED MURDER! That’s the story of this whole thing and they wonder why it didn’t work. This was just so bad on every level and the wrestling was actually worse than I remembered. It didn’t help that the first half of the match was spent on Undertaker taking over and Heyman calling him off. That’s not even touching on Undertaker pinning the Tag Team Champions clean on his own. Just a complete disaster on every level and an all time mess.

Post abomination, Undertaker walks up to the truck to save Bearer….and then says he has to do this. He pulls the lever and crushes Bearer himself with the announcers being silent to end the show. Probably because they’re now witnesses in a murder trial. One more bonus: earlier in the day, footage of the rehearsal of the ending leaked, just to make things look even dumber and spoiling the result.

Overall Rating: D-. I wanted to call this a failure so badly but three good matches keep it just above the line. That being said, WOW this was horrific stuff with five out of eight matches being completely terrible and not even worthy of a bad episode of Sunday Night Heat. I mean, Sable vs. Torrie, Mordecai vs. Holly, Suzuki vs. Gunn and Reigns vs. Haas? It’s like they tried to take a modern episode of Superstars and put it on pay per view.

When they were planning this show out, did no one thing that MAYBE they should have split up the four way and let one of those nitwits face either Van Dam or Booker? Just for the sake of taking away one of the terrible matches? Apparently not, because we were subject to watching this wreck, which somehow got worse as it went along. There are good matches on there, but sweet merciful popsicles, how can this be the best thing you can put together for a full price pay per view?

That’s not even considering the booking choices. We’re now looking at JBL as WWE Champion, showing that you can be as boring as you want to be and kill the show off and you too can get a push, just because Vince seems to love it. That means more promos about money and how great America is because it’s really all we can get out of the champ. Are they trying to make this the wrestling company for the white collar businessmen demographic?

Finally, Undertaker is now a murderer. Like, there’s no other way to put it. He won the match, though I’m still not sure what that was supposed to accomplish as there was no reason for Heyman not to do something horrible anyway. At the same time, even if Undertaker lost, was he going to be freed anyway? I don’t know why he would have been, but the whole thing didn’t make much sense either way.

Overall, the show is a complete disaster with five matches that had no business being on pay per view, plus JBL becoming World Champion in one of the worst decisions the company could have made. Why I’d want to keep watching is beyond me, and I can imagine there are a lot of people who walked away after this. It’s not like there’s much of a reason to stick around, aside from maybe another murder.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

Great American Bash 2004 – This Is The Prefered Method Of Torture In 19 Countries

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 24, 2004
Location: TD Waterhouse Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Great American Bash and while I would normally say that it’s going to be nice to get the show down….it’s the Great American Bash. Featuring murder! Or maybe murder! The big story coming out of last week was the Undertaker attacking a bunch of people, including John Cena. That could be interesting so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Undertaker attacking Cena and Rob Van Dam last week at Paul Heyman’s orders.

Charlie Haas and Jackie Gayda tell Cena that what he’s going to do is suicide.

There’s a cement truck in the arena again.

Here’s a serious Cena in the arena for a chat. Cena knows what he’s getting into tonight because just saying Undertaker the wrong way can get you in trouble. Last week he got Tombstoned in this ring and now, even though he knows what it means, he needs to call Undertaker out.

Instead he gets Kurt Angle, who says he remembers what Cena was telling him last week. That’s why he has a rap for Cena. He already won a gold medal with a broken freakin neck, so he can handle hip hop. It’s a bunch of rhymes about Cena losing and Orlando sports teams, but ends with Cena thinking he’s slick like grease, but tonight he’s going to rest in peace. The match is officially on, meaning Cena got what he wanted and just had to sit through some dumb jokes. Angle needs to work on his evil plans.

Post break JBL comes in to see Angle and Luther Reigns. JBL calls Angle an inspiration and gets Reigns vs. Eddie Guerrero set up for later as a way to teach Eddie some respect. As usual, never underestimate the value of a muscular lackey.

Battle Royal

Chavo Guerrero Jr., Funaki, Jamie Noble, Akio, Billy Kidman, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty, Nunzio, Shannon Moore, Paul London

The winner gets a shot at Rey Mysterio on Sunday so Rey is on commentary. It’s a standard battle royal opening as Rey gives the expected cop out answer by saying he’d love to face anyone. Nunzio backdrops Spike out and gets thrown out a few seconds later. The referee doesn’t see it somehow and Nunzio gets back in to jump London from behind.

London is fine enough to hit a springboard kick to the chest to get rid of Nunzio. A few people get together to throw London over the top and Nunzio (geez he hasn’t had this much screen time in the last month combined) grabs the legs to get rid of him. Akio enziguris Shannon on the apron but can’t get him out, allowing Shannon to grab a headscissors to get Akio out, only to fall out as well.

Scotty loads up the Worm on Chavo but stops to superkick Noble. That’s enough to let Chavo throw Scotty out and get us down to four. Funaki follows him out, leaving us with Kidman, Chavo and Noble. Kidman takes both of them down but has to save himself from an elimination.

A double clothesline gets Kidman out of trouble but Jamie is right back up to tie him into the Tree of Woe. Ever the cheater, Jamie turns on Chavo and sends him to the apron. Chavo hangs in though and comes back in to get rid of Noble. Kidman sends Chavo to the apron and is smart enough to realize he didn’t get the win. Instead Chavo comes back in and Gory Bombs Kidman out for the win and the title shot.

Rating: D+. This was as good as it was going to get with a short enough match and the ending not being as obvious as it seemed. I don’t need to see Rey vs. Chavo, but it’s not like anyone else in the division means anything else at the moment. It was nice to see them all in there though and the match could have been a lot worse.

Paul Heyman is on the phone with the designers of the concrete crypt and explains the idea again for the sake of exposition. The Dudleys come up and don’t look pleased. Apparently they still don’t know what Heyman means by doing the right thing and they don’t trust him. As this is going on, Mordecai knocks Hardcore Holly into a wall and beats him into the arena. They head back into the back where Angle shows up to say break drop it. Heyman and the Dudleys are still there so Angle asks if he and Heyman are set for the main even tonight. That means Undertaker taking Cena out and Heyman says it’s on.

They didn’t exactly sell me on the pay per view there, as we’re likely getting Mordecai vs. Holly to go with the Dudleys in a big handicap match centered around murder. I know I say it every week but the lack of compelling villains on this show are killing things. Heyman is fine, but he needs someone to do his heavy lifting. Undertaker doesn’t feel like that guy, as this isn’t coming off as a long term story. With no good villains, the heroes don’t look important and it’s taking away everything on this show.

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn

Egads I had forgotten about Kenzo. The new development here: his geisha girl is named Hiroko. Gunn is the hometown boy so he’s a little more popular than usual. Suzuki starts with the strikes but gets elbowed in the face and stomped in the corner. Some more kicks take Gunn down and it’s off to a chinlock. Gunn comes back with a shot to the face and a Stinger Splash, causing Tazz to say this is going to be Suzuki’s first loss. The Fameasser connects but Hiroko throws powder in Gunn’s face for the DQ.

Rating: D-. It’s not a good sign when Gunn is the best thing you have going in a match. Suzuki shouldn’t be needing help to avoid getting pinned in his third match, especially against a career midcarder like Gunn. The worst part: this is likely setting up a rematch on Sunday because we don’t have much on the card already.

Sable comes up to Torrie Wilson in the back and accuses her of hogging the spotlight as she tries to host the Great American Bash. A hot tub is mentioned for Sunday, as is an exchange of how their outfits make them look. The catfight is broken up.

We recap Eddie vs. JBL from Judgment Day, setting up Sunday’s rematch. That blade job is still sick.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

Non-title and Kurt Angle is in Reigns’ corner. They take turns driving each other into the corner until Reigns scares him with a gorilla press. Eddie gets smart by trying a test of strength and poking Reigns in the eye, only to get kneed right back down. Angle offers a trip from the floor though and the fans aren’t pleased with the boss. The bearhug goes on for a bit but gets reversed into a waistlock.

Eddie fights out again and hits two Amigos but the third is reversed into a ref bump. The sitout powerslam plants Eddie so Angle gets up (on the bad leg) to count two so Luther grabs the title. That’s taken away off a low blow and a belt shot drops Luther. Eddie throws the title to Angle and drops as the referee wakes up. A frog splash looks to finish but JBL runs in with the bullrope for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was completely watchable with Guerrero knowing exactly how to work with a rookie power guy like Reigns. They have to be setting up Guerrero vs. Angle II from here and Angle getting up on the leg certainly seems to point in that direction. Unfortunately it comes after the JBL match on Sunday, which seems to be looking worse and worse all the time.

Post match JBL chokes with the rope but gets caught with a cowbell to the head to send JBL bailing.

Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

Booker T. comes out for commentary. Cole wastes no time in ripping into Booker for turning on Van Dam a few weeks back and you can feel the heat from Booker’s eyes. As Van Dam kicks Rene to the floor, Booker threatens to beat up Fifi on Sunday. Van Dam’s spinning kick to the back keeps Rene in trouble, which Booker says won’t happen to him because he’s the master of the Spinarooni.

Rene comes back with a neckbreaker for two as Booker goes into a rant about Cena. Some more kicks set up Rolling Thunder for two on Dupree but he takes out Van Dam’s leg. A turnbuckle gets pulled off, followed by Rene grabbing a rollup with tights for two more. With that not working, Dupree sends him into the exposed buckle for the cheap pin.

Rating: D+. Booker was the star here with a bunch of jokes about how these two didn’t worry him and there was nothing standing in his way. If nothing else his rant about Fifi was more entertaining than the entire match. Speaking of the match, there’s nothing wrong with giving Dupree, the weakest of the four competitors for Sunday’s match, some momentum.

Post match Rene stares Booker down, much to Booker’s annoyance.

Great American Bash rundown, now with Torrie vs. Sable announced.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

Non-title and Cena is looking more serious than he has in a long time. Undertaker slugs him down to start but charges into an elbow, meaning it’s time to trade punches. A fired up Cena tells Undertaker that he’s not scared and wants him to bring it. Undertaker does just that with a knockdown but misses the big elbow. He’s fine enough to suplex Cena for two, followed by Old School and the jumping clothesline.

Cena’s comeback consists of a kick to the face that just annoys Undertaker but Cena low bridges him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Cena stomping away on the floor (as it seems nothing has changed) and clotheslining him into the crowd. They come back to ringside with Undertaker shrugging off a whip into the steps and dropping the apron legdrop. That’s good for two back inside and Undertaker (with a bloody arm) isn’t sure what to do.

A forearm to the back of Cena’s neck keeps Cena in trouble and it’s time for the old fashioned punches to the jaw. Things change up a bit with a superplex for two more on Cena and it’s quickly off to a chinlock. Cena fights up and hits a spinebuster, which gets quite the face reaction from the crowd. Some shoulders give Cena his own near fall and a top rope ax handle sets up the Throwback.

The Shuffle gives Cena two more and let’s pump up those shoes. The FU is countered though and Undertaker boots him in the face. Cena slips out of the Last Ride and there’s the ref bump. The running clothesline drops Undertaker and there’s the FU for no count. Undertaker eventually sits up again and there’s the chokeslam. Instead of covering, Undertaker hits Cena with the chain, followed by the Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: B. Why is this not on a DVD somewhere? This was a very different Cena as he was wrestling the serious, main event style that would become his trademark later on. Undertaker winning here was the right call as Cena was hot at this point but not ready to get a win like this one, at least not without a bunch of shenanigans. Very strong match though and that’s a great sign for Cena’s future.

Heyman comes out with the Urn again and Undertaker takes the knee to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event completely bailed this one out as the rest of the show was a mixture of pretty lame and uninteresting. When we’re supposed to get hyped over what is likely going to be Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly and Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn II, you can tell Sunday is in trouble. The show has gotten better over the last few weeks but it’s still hard to care about so many of these stories. Eddie and Cena are carrying the show on their backs right now, but I don’t know how long they can make that work. Anyway, very good main event and nothing everything else.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/01/03/smackdown-june-24-2004-twenty-minutes-of-undertaker-vs-cena/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2004
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re ten days away from the Great American Bash and the Undertaker has joined Paul Heyman. It makes things a little better, though the Dudleys being there is still slowing things down. If nothing else we had a little hope last week with JBL being over the top and goofy for a change, which could help things out if they stick with it. I mean, they likely won’t, but it was nice for a week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Bradshaw has been fired by CNBC and gets to comment on it tonight. This is the only time CNBC will be mentioned in the history of wrestling shows.

There’s a cement mixer in the arena.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Rico/Charlie Haas

The Dudleys are challenging and there’s no Heyman with them. Haas and D-Von start things off with Charlie taking him to the mat. An early Oklahoma roll gets two but Bubba low bridges him to the floor to put Charlie in trouble. Right hands cut off a sunset flip attempt and Bubba drops his big elbows for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Charlie snaps off a t-bone suplex.

That’s enough for the hot tag and Rico hits a neckbreaker on D-Von. A spear of all things takes Bubba down but there’s no referee. Bubba sends Rico outside though and the champs are in trouble again. There’s a big boot to Charlie and Bubba rams him into Jackie for a bonus. With Charlie checking on her, Bubba rolls Rico up with D-Von holding the feet for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was the most obvious ending ever and there was no reason to not do it. Rico and Haas aren’t the most thrilling team in the world and it was clear that they were just filling in time until we got to a more serious team. That being said, Heyman kept going on about how the Dudleys needed to do something new. Winning the titles for the 18^th time isn’t new.

Post match Heyman comes out to celebrate with the new champs.

Back from a break and Heyman is alone near the stage to take credit for the Dudleys winning the titles. The fans got to witness that tonight but Paul Bearer didn’t get to. We see a clip from last week with Undertaker joining Heyman so the fans tell Heyman that he sucks. Heyman warns us that one day, Undertaker will be loyal to him due to Heyman’s greatness alone. For now though, Heyman is willing to exploit Undertaker’s weakness because the Big Dog needs to be trained.

Therefore, at the Great American Bash, the Undertaker will be facing the Dudley Boyz. That’s not it though, as the Undertaker will do the right thing there. That brings Heyman to the concrete machine and a casket in front of it. At the Great American Bash, Bearer will be held in a crypt with a cement truck pouring cement in every time Undertaker doesn’t do the right thing.

The cement truck fills the casket as Heyman talks about the crypt being made of three inch thick glass. The cement will begin to fill the crypt but when it gets close to Bearer’s chin, Undertaker will have the chance to do the right thing. Heyman wants to see emotion from Undertaker and if it’s not there, Bearer will be suffocated by the cement. As for tonight, Undertaker will bow down to Heyman.

I haven’t had so many questions since last year with Mr. America. First of all, out of every option Heyman has, BURYING BEARER IN CEMENT is the first one he picks? Did he just watch a bad mob movie where they put someone’s feet in blocks of cement and think it needed to go a lot further? Second, are there no cops watching this show? I’m pretty sure that threatening to put someone in a crypt and bury them in cement is some kind of a crime. Or at least something worth investigating.

Third, is there a reason Cole and Tazz were more upset about the Dudleys winning the titles than THREATENING TO KILL A MAN ON PAY PER VIEW??? Finally, hasn’t Heyman already “trained” Undertaker by getting him to join him? Is this really necessary in the grand scheme of things? I know that’s a minor point by comparison, but I’d love some explanations here.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to suck up to the Chicago fans and to bring up JBL being fired from CNBC. He watched all week and never saw the show once. It must have been a bad week, but at least JBL had a fun limo ride last week. We see a clip of the limo ride from last week and JBL’s clothes being ruined in the melee. Eddie knows JBL is going to be out here later so come out here right now instead. That brings out the Bashams instead to say Eddie has some unfinished business with the two of them. Therefore, it’s match time.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Doug Basham

They start before the referee even gets in and Eddie scores with a backdrop. The fans are way behind Eddie here, as you had to see coming. Three Amigos hit in a hurry but the referee gets knocked into an interfering Danny. That’s enough for a leg lariat from Doug, followed by a little double teaming. Doug only gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Three Amigos hit again but Eddie brings Danny in instead of following up. Both of them get taken down out of the corner though, setting up the frog splash to finish Doug in a hurry. Just a short match that showcased Eddie well.

Post match Eddie beats Danny up for fun.

John Cena goes in to see Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns but they can’t see him. Tonight, Cena has to team with Rob Van Dam against Rene Dupree and Booker T. before the match at the Great American Bash. As a bonus, that match will now be an elimination match. Doesn’t that make it a little easier for Cena to retain? Cena makes jokes about Angle not being able to walk and puts a hat on Angle without touching him.

And now, a battle rap between Funaki and Josh Matthews. I think Funaki wins but Angle and Reigns come in to say Funaki thinks he’s Cena. Therefore, Funaki has a match with Reigns tonight.

Spike Dudley vs. Kenzo Suzuki

Kenzo sends him hard into the corner and drops Spike with a shot to the throat. A kick to the chest sets up that spin from Suzuki and it’s off to an armbar. Spike’s comeback consists of the running headbutt to the ribs, only to get cut off with a Tongan Deathgrip. The claw legsweep gives Kenzo the win. He’s still not working.

Here’s JBL with a bullrope to talk about his bad week. He was fired from CNBC and Eddie wrecked his limo. Even though Ronald Reagan passed away last week, the media just wanted to talk about him. The media and Americans are what’s wrong with America because he was the one that stuffed you in the locker in high school. He’s better than these people because he has a backbone.

Even though the world is against him he won’t back up or cower away because he’ll be successful again. This turns into a rant about JBL going to Afghanistan and visiting the troops. Then a solider died but everyone was talking about Sean Penn being a guest of Saddam Hussein. JBL: “Calling me anything but a great American is like calling Mother Teresa a prostitute.” CNBC found out that he’s a wrestler and has a big mouth, which is absolutely true.

Freedom of speech is great until you speak, which is proof that the people are lazy and complacent because they don’t have the guts to speak up. JBL yells at the fans a lot before moving on to Eddie and the bullrope match. Blood will flow because Eddie is what JBL hates about America. He’ll destroy Eddie no matter what and he doesn’t care if he angers CNBC or the liberal media. No one can stop him from becoming WWE Champion. Eddie FINALLY runs in and clears the ring with ease.

This went on FOREVER and was the same old JBL: long winded, boring, ranting about the same stuff over and over and leaving people so numb that they fall asleep with the show on. Last week was fun but this was right back to what makes JBL feel like the worst heel in years. It was bragging about how American he is and how much money he has and that’s not interesting, no matter how many times he says the same things over and over.

In case you were wondering, JBL got fired from CNBC for goose stepping and doing Nazi salutes at a show in Germany. He’s said that it was his character doing this and not him, which I can go with, but dude, anytime Nazis are involved, it’s not going to go over well, no matter the circumstances.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Classic

Classic is defending and has his son with him. Rey actually gets taken down to start and a moonsault press of all things gives Classic two. A headscissors takes Classic down though and there’s the springboard seated senton. Rey knocks Jr. off the apron and the 619 sets up Dropping the Dime for the pin and the title in less than two minutes. The joke was long past its expiration date so this was the right call. There was no need to wait for the Bash to change the title and I’m still not sure what the point was in having Classic win the thing in the first place. At least the reign didn’t last long.

Mordecai, surrounded by candles and torches, sees a locker room full of sinners. None of them are worthy of mercy and they will all feel his wrath. One of them is the worst of them all because he lies, cheats and steals.

Luther Reigns vs. Funaki

Reigns is jacked and hammers Funaki down with no trouble. A comeback goes nowhere and it’s a spinebuster into a sitout powerslam for the pin to put Funaki away.

Post match Reigns says that’s what happens when you disrespect Angle. Kurt isn’t happy though so Reigns adds a swinging neckbreaker.

Raw Rebound.

The announcers recap the show so far.

Great American Bash rundown, including the Live Free or Die handicap match with undertaker and the Dudleys. Again, do cops just not watch this show???

Here’s Torrie Wilson as a sexy Uncle Sam, implying women in various stages of undress at the Bash. She lights a fire on a grill because it’s going to be hot.

Booker T. says he should be getting a singles match for the US Title at the Bash because the judge might have been French last week. Rene Dupree comes in to say Booker is just making excuses like an American. Booker doesn’t want to hear about a non-American becoming US Champion, so Rene threatens him with a French Tickling.

Rob Van Dam/John Cena vs. Booker T./Rene Dupree

Cena and Van Dam get in each others faces thanks to Rob punching him last week. Dupree and Cena start things off with Renee trying a leapfrog and getting punched in the face. It’s off to Rob for a sunset flip and a spinning kick to the face, followed by the top rope kick to the face for two. Booker makes the save so Rene shoves him, only to get rolled up for two more.

Another argument lets Van Dam kick them both into the announcers’ table as we take a break. Back with Van Dam kicking Rene down again as this is one sided so far. Booker finally gets in a shot to the back to break up Rolling Thunder and comes in with an elbow to the face. There’s the knee to the chest and Rene comes back in for the French Tickler.

That’s enough to set up the chinlock from Booker but Rob fights up without too much effort. It’s off to Cena for the first time and everything breaks down. Booker and Dupree are sent outside so we get the Cena vs. Van Dam showdown, which turns into a slugout. Everyone gets in for the fight….and there’s the gong. Undertaker appears in the ring and we’ll call that a no contest.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and was more of an angle than a match. The brawl between Cena and Van Dam makes sense after last week and I like the idea of them following up on the punch instead of just ignoring it because they’re a team here. The ending was annoying, but well done on keeping them from having one of the four lose a fall before the title match.

Undertaker beats up Van Dam with a chokeslam, followed by the Tombstone to Cena. Heyman comes out with the Urn and Undertaker takes the knee to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was a very strange episode as there was barely any wrestling with two matches being long enough to rate and three squashes in the middle. The storyline stuff ranges from necessary (Rey and the Dudleys winning titles) to WHAT THE HECK (Heyman’s big speech and the whole concrete idea). That’s quite a ride in two hours but when you add in that never ending JBL speech and stuff like Mordecai and Kenzo Suzuki, the bad heavily outweighs the good. It’s definitely not the worst show, but they’re going in a very questionable direction with their top stories.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 10, 2004
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer and closer to the Great American Bash and this week is all about the Undertaker possibly joining forces with Paul Heyman and the Dudley Boyz for the sake of saving Paul Bearer. That just screams bad idea due to some of the people involved (hint: their names are Bubba and D-Von) but maybe the others can save things. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Bearer being kidnapped and Heyman’s proposition. This is somehow better than JBL’s radio show discussions.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle is in the ring to open the show. He used to come here to Long Island when he was WWE Champion and people booed him out of the building. It didn’t matter though because Angle knew he was better than everyone. The fans start a pretty fast paced YOU SUCK chant until Angle says he can never wrestle again. We see a clip of last week’s brawl between Booker T. and John Cena, which saw Angle get knocked over by Cena and hit in the knee by Booker’s chair shot.

Angle wants an apology so here’s Booker to say it was all Cena’s fault. He couldn’t sleep for three days after he hit Angle, so now he’ll apologize five times. Angle accepts it and excuses him but now it’s Cena’s turn. The rap is cut off by a raving Angle (always entertaining) but Cena says he didn’t mean to hit Angle last week, because Angle would still be in the hospital if he tried to.

Angle has talked to the board of directors and Cena is now on probation, meaning he’s stripped of the US Title on the spot if he lays a hand on Angle again. For tonight though, Cena needs to apologize for who he is. That’s not happening because Cena isn’t changing a thing and if Angle doesn’t like it, he can wheel himself out of here. Besides, they’re even. Cena can’t touch him but Angle can’t see him. That’s enough for Cena but Angle says Cena has three matches tonight. Each one will be five minutes long and the first man to beat him gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. I’ve heard worse ideas….I think?

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Suzuki is carried to the ring on a throne with a woman walking behind him. The announcers talk about Suzuki wanting vengeance, though they’re not sure what the vengeance is for actually. My guess is for Scotty’s dancing. Suzuki goes after the arm to start and chops at the neck, with a big one putting Scotty down in the corner. A kick to the face drops Scotty again and Kenzo starts spinning around for some reason. Scotty scores with a superkick but a claw STO finishes him off in a hurry. Based on this match, Suzuki has an awesome future. Provided he can build a time machine and go back to a territory in 1984.

Angle talks to Cena’s opponents for tonight (Booker T., Rob Van Dam and Rene Dupree) so they can draw straws to determine an order, but that has to be behind closed doors.

Earlier today, JBL went to a salon and made fun of the immigrants who took care of him. It’s far too late, but this is the kind of thing he should have been doing from the beginning: going over the top and taking advantage of the people he constantly insults to show what a hypocrite he is. That’s the kind of person you want to see take a beating, not a guy droning on about a radio show and a stock portfolio.

JBL arrives at the arena, decides this place isn’t worth his time, and leaves. The driver won’t listen to him though, mainly because the driver is Eddie. So was Eddie driving all day or did he switch places in the fifteen seconds JBL was outside of the car and looking forward the whole time? Either way, JBL can’t operate a door so Eddie drives off, hitting some trash on the way.

Earlier today, the Dudleys and Heyman drank to celebrate what they did. Heyman says not so fast, because Paul Bearer was the only person Undertaker would go to for advice. Now they control Bearer, who controls the Undertaker. Heyman is going to the arena alone tonight so they tell him to be careful.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo Classic, with his ladies, is on commentary. Rey wristdrags him to start and Chavo isn’t sure what to do. Chavo gets in a dropkick though and it’s already time to choke on the rope. That’s not the best idea though as Rey sends him through those ropes for a big dive off the top. Back from a break with Chavo dropkick Rey out of the air and Classic turning into the biggest cheerleader ever, though he does think he could do it better than Jr. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back for a bit before Chavo puts him on top.

That earns him an elbow to the face and a moonsault press for two. A kick to the face has Rey right back down and Tazz starts singing Beatles songs and talking about Fantasy Island. The springboard seated senton gives Rey two and a spinning armdrag has Chavo in….and never mind the trouble as he Alley Oops Rey to drop him again. Chavo’s Gory Bomb (Classic: “My dad invented this move!”) is broken up and there’s the 619, followed by some failed interference from Classic. Rey grabs a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C-. Ok it’s time to get the title on Rey again. The Classic stuff was funny for a little while (his commentary is still great) but having him holding the title has already run its limited course. Either put it on Jr. or give it back to Rey, because they really need to restore some credibility to the title after the last few weeks.

Jr. is furious with his dad.

Raw Rebound.

As the parking lot is being cleaned up, Eddie drives the (now smoking and mostly destroyed) limo back in. He switches to reverse and backs into another car, knocking what looks like a bunch of crash pads onto it.

Back from a break and Eddie drives the ruined limo (only one horn left and a headlight hanging off) into the arena. He opens the back door but Bradshaw has passed out with the food and drinks all over him. Eddie gets in the ring and makes some jokes as Bradshaw is waking up and stumbles out of the limo. After putting on the hat, he sees the damage and panics. Again: much more entertaining because it’s not just JBL talking about the same thing he’s talked about for weeks.

Video on the European tour.

The following three matches are all non-title with five minute time limits and whoever beats Cena first gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. That’s actually unique for a change.

John Cena vs. Booker T.

Kurt Angle is out to watch. Booker slams him down to start but Cena comes out of the corner with a running clothesline. A hot shot and the superkick give Booker two, followed by a kick to the face for two more. We hit the chinlock, which Tazz calls good strategy after talking about how little time he has left. Cena fights up but gets knocked right back down with the side kick. Booker takes his sweet time though and Cena blasts him with a clothesline. A slow motion ax kick misses as time expires.

Rating: D. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale as you can only do so much with a match designed to go to a short time limit. Booker wasn’t even acting urgently here and it made you wonder what he was thinking. He knew the idea of the match (the big clock on the screen probably gave him an idea) but he was walking around rather slowly and not really going for it. That doesn’t make sense.

John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

Joined in progress after the break (Nine seconds after the break. What’s the point?) with Van Dam spinning around and getting two off a spinning kick to the face. Cena clotheslines him out of the air for two of his own and hits a running forearm to the back (kind of an odd move). A running knee to the ribs and a suplex give Cena two but Van Dam scores with the stepover kick. The split legged moonsault connects for two more but Booker crotches Rob to break up the Five Star. Angle ejects Booker from ringside so Rob breaks up a superplex attempt and kicks Cena in the face. There’s the Five Star, but time expires again.

Rating: C-. Better match but still not good, though having Booker interfere made Van Dam look a little bit better. It’s a bit of a stretch for Rob to not be able to beat a tired Cena so the interference worked well here. It could also set up a Van Dam vs. Booker match, which could help out the pay per view card quite a bit.

John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree asks for five more minutes so Angle says go ahead. A belly to belly plants Cena and Dupree hits the French Tickler….but walks into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t exactly great and the bonus stuff just made Dupree look even weaker than he has in recent weeks. Dupree still knows how to get booed and that’s going to be worth something but Cena is on a different level right now and isn’t about to lose to him. It wasn’t a good match or anything, but at least Dupree lasted the five minutes.

Post match Angle says Cena didn’t win in the five minutes so it didn’t count. Booker runs back in and beats Cena down with Van Dam making the save. Angle says Cena didn’t win anything in the challenge so he’ll defend against all three of them at the Bash. Cena and Van Dam have some words and Rob kicks him in the head.

Long recap of the Heyman/Dudleys/Undertaker story.

Here’s Paul Heyman with a bag over his shoulder. He wants to make sure the cameras are recording because this is where everything begins. Tonight is the night when the most powerful force in wrestling joins forces with the most creative man in wrestling. So Undertaker needs to come out here with an answer….and there’s the gong. Undertaker slowly comes to the ring and Heyman pulls the Urn out of the bag. He holds it up and Undertaker stares at it before taking the knee to end the show with Tazz and Cole panicking.

Overall Rating: D. The Cena stuff was a fine idea that didn’t work great in practicality, the Eddie/JBL stuff was an improvement but that’s not exactly a huge step up, and Kenzo Suzuki debuted. What exactly is there that was a good thing on this show? Somehow, it’s Chavo Classic, who was entertaining on commentary and part of the only story that didn’t have me checking the time to see how much longer was left. The show is getting slightly better, but it’s still one of the worst times the show has ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2008
Date: November 23, 2008
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 12,498
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Jim Ross, Tazz

JR and Taz talk about the Hardy issue and say that ABC and TMZ picked up the story. I seem to remember that being a lie.

Team HBK vs. Team JBL

Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, Cryme Tyme, Great Khali

John Bradshaw Layfield, The Miz, John Morrison, Kane, MVP

Shawn and JBL are feuding over Shawn being broke and needing money form JBL, Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard and JTG, two thug characters) are feuding with Miz and Morrison, Kane has been hunting Mysterio and Khali and MVP (in the middle of a massive losing streak that would result in a face turn and the US Title) are there to fill out the lineups. MVP and Mysterio get things going as all of the commentators are talking at once.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw: Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall

Smackdown: Michelle McCool, Victoria, Maria, Maryse, Natalya

Matt Hardy says that Jeff was hit in the back of the head with a blunt object, ending any drug speculation.

Undertaker vs. Big Show

Team Orton vs. Team Batista

Randy Orton, Mark Henry, William Regal, Cody Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin

Batista, Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, R-Truth, Matt Hardy

Punk immediately charges at Regal and hits the GTS for the elimination in about ten seconds. Shelton gets a very fast two on Punk before pounding away on his back. Off to Kofi who grabs a front facelock. Kofi is even more over here than usual as he went to college in Boston. Kofi tries a monkey flip but Shelton lands on his feet and brings in Henry to pound away slowly.

Batista immediately spears down Henry to make it 3-1 as Shelton comes in. Benjamin gets caught in a spinebuster almost immediately and the Batista Bomb gets is down to 2-1. Cody comes in and peppers Batista with some right hands before charging into a boot. Batista powerslams Rhodes down and says Orton is next. Batista hits the Bomb on Rhodes but Randy made a blind tag while Cody was in the air. The RKO gets the elimination and win for Rhodes and Orton.

Hardy is officially out of the title match tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Vladimir Kozlov vs. HHH

They trade arm holds on the mat and then trade even more arm holds on the same mat. Back up and HHH hits the high knee and a facebuster followed by the DDT for no cover. The fans chant for TNA before HHH hits the spinebuster. Kozlov counters the Pedigree and hits the headbutt to the chest to take HHH down. Vladimir sends HHH into the corner and out to the floor where very little happens.

Hardy – 57%

Triple Threat – 38%

Kozlov – 5%

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Both guys head up to the top with Cena slamming him to the mat, followed up by the top rope Fameasser. Cena is all fired up now but Jericho breaks up the FU and hits a Codebreaker for a delayed two. Jericho takes over and hits a clothesline followed by an EVIL smirk. He smirks a bit too much though and Cena grabs the STFU. Cena has to try to pull the hold back to the middle of the ring and Jericho kicks him away. The champ tries a small package but Cena pulls him up into the FU for the pin and the title.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Team HBK vs. Team JBL

Original: B+

Redo: C

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Original: D-

Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Team Orton vs. Team Batista

Original: C-

Redo: B

Edge vs. HHH vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Original: D+

Redo: D

John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

I’ve flipped on the two male Survivor Series matches but other than that it’s about the same.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/17/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2008-let-jericho-beat-cena-once-just-one-time/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2005
Date: November 27, 2005
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, Tazz

Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit fights up and starts the Germans, only to eat another kick to the face. A quick dragon screw leg whip looks to set up the Sharpshooter but Booker rolls him up for two. More rolling Germans look to set up the Swan Dive but Sharmell offers a distraction, only to have Benoit headbutt Booker down. The Swan Dive misses anyway and Booker grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes (and Sharmell holding them there) to win the first match in the series.

Detroit Tiger Dmitri Young is here.

Ric Flair vs. HHH

Last man standing. HHH jumps him in the aisle before Flair can even get his robe off. They get inside with Flair in big trouble, made even worse by HHH grabbing a chair. Flair comes back with a kendo stick, which really looks weird in his hands. They brawl to the hockey boards with HHH taking over again and bringing it back to ringside. Flair is up at seven after a backdrop on the floor and an elbow to the back makes Flair swear a lot.

Flair goes out on a stretcher.

Trish and Mickie are online.

Raw World Title: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena gets sent into the steps and a second referee comes in to count two. Well you knew there was going to be a way around Daivari. Kurt grabs a waistlock before throwing Cena hard into the corner to keep him in trouble. The fans are ALL OVER Cena and another suplex gives Kurt two. Off to something like an STF on Cena but Kurt goes to a regular chinlock instead. Cena fights up and grab a DDT without selling the ankle injury one bit. The champ wins a slugout and initiates his finishing sequence, including pumping up the shoes.

Eric Bischoff vs. Teddy Long

The Raw and Smackdown teams are cheered on by their respective rosters.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw: Big Show, Kane, Shawn Michaels, Carlito, Chris Masters

Smackdown: Rey Mysterio, Bobby Lashley, Batista, Randy Orton, John Bradshaw Layfield

Orton is quickly sent to the floor for a big dive as things speed up. Back in and some clotheslines set up the top rope elbow as the fans want Undertaker (who was advertised for the show). JBL tries to come in with a chair but eats a superkick, setting up the RKO to give Smackdown the pin.

Ratings Comparison

Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B+

Trish Stratus vs. Melina

Original: B

2012 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

HHH vs. Ric Flair

Original: B-

2012 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B+

2012 Redo: C

2015 Redo: B-

Theodore Long vs. Eric Bischoff

Original: O (For Oh I can’t think about this anymore)

2012 Redo: S (For Six Minutes)

Team Smackdown vs. Team Raw

Original: B

2012 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2012 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

I’m surprised by how much more I liked the girls and Cena vs. Angle. They’re good but they’re not that good. Still a solid show though.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/14/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2005-a-forgotten-almost-classic/

And the redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/11/11/survivor-series-count-up-2012-edition-2005-raw-vs-smackdown/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 3, 2004
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re less than a month away from Great American Bash and the show continues to look weaker and weaker every single night. The big story tonight seems to be Paul Heyman and the Dudley Boyz kidnapping Paul Bearer in their continued attempt to make an impact. Other than that, JBL gets to pick his stipulation for the pay per view. Reminder: your big villains are JBL and the Dudley Boyz. I think you know why this show is in trouble. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a video on James Dudley, who passed away at 94. Dudley was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 1994 and is probably best known as being a guy who was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 1994 and waving a towel during Bobo Brazil’s entrances.

We look back at last week with Heyman trying to fire up the Dudley Boyz, leading to them attacking Bearer.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. to open things up. He wants to make this clear: he had NOTHING to do with the abduction of Paul Bearer last week and nothing is going to stop him from taking care of the Undertaker tonight. He even has an idea who had Bearer attacked last week: the Undertaker! Booker thinks Undertaker had the Dudleys attack Bearer so he could have an excuse to skip out on the match with Booker tonight. He loads up the catchphrase but here’s John Cena to interrupt.

Cena isn’t happy with Booker almost costing him the US Title last week and they’re settling this right now. Apparently that was just business and Booker is just here to beat up Undertaker tonight. Booker doesn’t think much of Cena with the catchphrases and the hand signs because it’s clear that Cena is a Booker wannabe. Cena does his own impression of Booker, including the hand shaking (Cena: “Is it cold in here???”) and the weird face, which apparently has to do with Booker having an, ahem, accident.

This joke goes on WAY too long until Booker wants to be told that Cena didn’t say that. Kurt Angle comes out to say Cena has no respect and no class. It’s ok if he wants to insult Booker, but the main event is NOT being interrupted. Angle throws him out so Cena calls Luther Reigns lumpy. Booker jumps him from behind so the fight is on with Cena being thrown into Angle, who is still in the wheelchair. To make it even worse, Booker chairs Angle in the leg by mistake. Angle gets a mic and threatens to have Cena stripped of the title. Booker vs. Cena is only going to do Cena good at the moment, and maybe Booker will care.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Danny Basham

Non-title. Eddie grabs a headlock to start as the announcers try to tell us that Danny is one of the young, up and coming stars around here. A dropkick has Danny in trouble but he backdrops Eddie to the floor so Doug can get in a cheap shot. Ever the liar, Eddie fakes a chair shot from Doug and gets him ejected so it can be down to one on one. Danny is fine enough for a spinning belly to back for two and it’s off to a cravate.

Back up and some right hands to Eddie’s head just get on his nerves so he headscissors Danny down. The third Amigo is broken up and the ref gets bumped so Danny grabs the belt. That earns him a low blow and a belt shot to the head as Eddie lays down. Uh, since the referee didn’t see anything, why didn’t Eddie just hit the frog splash for the pin immediately? The splash hits and Danny is done a few seconds later.

Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t anything to see here but I do love seeing the top stars wrestle a match with someone that much lower than them. Danny got in a little offense here and it was a nice chance for him to showcase himself. Eddie wins a match that made him sweat a bit and Danny loses a match he had no business winning. Everything is fine.

Summerslam is coming to Toronto.

Here’s Mordecai for a prayer. He prays for the sinners and all of their families, who are no better than harlots who sell themselves on the city streets. The father has forgiven them but Mordecai will punish every one of them. Fire come out of the posts, which doesn’t go anywhere near as high as Kane’s. And we move on.

Miss Jackie shows off her other bikini (the one she didn’t show last week) to Rico and Charlie Haas. They’re impressed.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Classic vs. Funaki

Funaki is challenging and Chavo Jr. is on commentary to praise his dad. Some armdrags have the champ in trouble but a gutwrench suplex puts Funaki down. Chavo grabs the rope to avoid a dropkick but gets kicked in the head anyway. A shoulder to the ribs keeps Classic in trouble so Jr. shoves Funaki off the top to give his dad the pin. Same as last week and that’s fine.

Post match some women jump the barricade and mob Classic.

Post break Chavo Classic says he’s a sex symbol and that these women want some love from south of the border. Jr. leaves and Classic pays them off for their performances.

It’s time for the swimsuit contest with a bunch of beach themed stuff in the ring and Jamie Noble as host. We have Torrie Wilson, Miss Jackie, Dawn Marie and Sable, the latter of whom is making her big return. They all have twenty seconds to dance with one of the items and the fans get to pick the winner. Jamie tells Torrie to go first and she has to dance with the sandbox. She drops some sand over herself and Tazz almost loses his mind. Next up is Dawn with a beach chair, with Jamie having a seat.

Jamie rather approves of the half cousin of a lap dance and it’s Sable with a beach towel next. Sable wraps it around herself and reveals a one piece without doing much else. Finally we have Jackie with a bucket of water. She pours the water over herself and wins, though Torrie’s cheering sounded louder. Her reward is getting to kiss Jamie but he gets covered with water instead. Jamie is furious because his tuxedo is a rental. And yes, that’s the only payoff to the whole thing, though I’m shocked Rico didn’t come out in a thong or something.

We look at Heyman and the Dudleys from last week again.

Kenzo Suzuki is here next week.

Rene Dupree vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey goes after the knee to start and hammers away in the corner as Rene can’t keep up with him. A clothesline cuts Rey off and Rene drops a knee but the leg is hurting him. It’s hurting so badly that Mysterio is able to break up a superplex and hit a top rope seated senton. The 619 is broken up with the good knee to the ribs and there’s the French Tickler. Dupree’s powerbomb is loaded up but Rey reverses into a rollup for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Well so much for Dupree, who goes from main eventing the show in a title match last week to losing clean in about three minutes here. That’s not the best idea in the world when this show is dying for heels. I know Dupree isn’t the best in the world, but he’s something fresh and the effort has already been put in. But then again, it’s not like the rest of the show has done anything logical lately anyway.

Raw Rebound.

We recap the opening segment.

Here’s JBL, carrying a bullrope, to pick the stipulation for the match with Eddie at the Great American Bash. It’s a Texas Bullrope match, and somehow this announcement takes nearly seven minutes because JBL is that slow and dull, along with saying the same things about Eddie that he’s said for a month and a half.

We see the Dudleys kidnapping Bearer for the third time tonight.

Undertaker vs. Booker T.

Booker is smart enough to jump Undertaker as he takes four days to remove his gear. Now why does no one else get that? Undertaker throws him into the corner and starts slugging away, followed by the running elbow drop for two. Old School is broken up (I’m not sure if it was the cranking on the arm or Undertaker going to the corner) but Undertaker kicks him in the face for two instead.

The armbarring continues with Undertaker lifting him up by the arm for the real cranking. Old School is broken up again and Cole actually gets the story correct by saying Undertaker might be off without Bearer. Back from a break with Booker hitting a missile dropkick for two and then kicking him in the face again. The chinlock goes on and the side kick takes Undertaker down for a delayed two.

Undertaker is able to reverse a suplex into one of his own and the comeback is on. Booker slips out of the Last Ride but can’t do the same on the chokeslam. It’s Tombstone time but cue Paul Heyman to say Undertaker needs to worry about what could be happening to Bearer. The match ends here in a no contest and Booker isn’t seen again for the rest of the show.

Rating: C. A little slow (as you probably guessed) but Booker got in some offense and the ending wasn’t definitive with Booker still having the chance to survive. That’s a good sign considering what appears to be an interesting feud with Cena. It’s nice to see Booker actually doing something worthwhile for once and the match was better than the pay per view version.

Undertaker grabs him by the throat, only to have the Dudleys pop up on screen. Bearer is in a room behind them and if Undertaker doesn’t want Bearer to suffer, he better listen to Heyman. Undertaker lets go and Heyman says Undertaker can either join himself and the Dudleys, or Bearer gets it. He has a week to decide.

Overall Rating: D+. That’s a big upgrade for this show as while not great, it was nowhere near as bad as some of their previous efforts. There’s still no way around JBL and the Dudleys as the top heels, but at least they featured some other people a lot more this week. While that’s good, this show did reinforce one of the biggest problems with Smackdown: Booker T. isn’t the featured heel. I’m not saying Booker is the be all and end all star or anything close to it, but he’s much better than JBL at the moment. Anyway I’ll cut myself off there and continue hoping that Undertaker vs. the Dudleys is at least short.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6