No Mercy 2004
Date: October 3, 2004
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This finally finished downloading so I can stop watching Alabama wrestling shows. The main event here is JBL vs. Undertaker in a Last Ride match which is an ambulance match but with a hearse instead. Other than that there’s pretty much nothing of interest on this entire card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how there’s no such thing as mercy, spread around between the various top feuds. That’s your first sign of a bad show: a lazy opening video.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

If I remember right, Reigns was part of Angle’s team at this point along with Jindrak and of course Angle. Reigns starts with the power game but Eddie dropkicks the knee to take over. BIG Eddie chant starts but it dies pretty quickly. Jindrak is at ringside too. Snapmare gets two for Eddie. Luther comes back with a delayed gorilla press for two. There’s a bear hug as I’m starting to remember why I was bored with Reigns most of the time.

Eddie escapes with a poke in the eye but gets his head kicked off for two. Some left hands get the same result. Off to a surfboard hold to waste some time. Belly to back gets two. Luther hits a backbreaker and bends Eddie over. Over his knee you sick freaks. Eddie rolls to the floor for a second before coming back in and trying to go a bit amateur on Luther. Back to the backbreaker with Eddie being bent over the knee.

Powerslam gets two but when Luther tries Roll the Dice (Cross Rhodes), Eddie climbs the ropes and backflips into a reverse DDT for a close two. Eddie pounds away at the ribs and Luther is in trouble. Guerrero loads up Three Amigos but can only get two of them. He goes to the floor holding his ribs. Must be Mama Guerrero’s Taco Surprise.

While he’s near the railing, Eddie steals a blackjack or a police baton from a cop. Eddie brings in a chair which Luther steals, but Eddie dropkicks the chair into Jindrak’s face. Luther is knocked down as well but Eddie misses the Frog Splash. While the referee puts the chair out, Eddie hits Luther with the baton and the Frog Splash wins this.

Rating: C. Not a terrible opening but this is similar to what Eddie did for about a year and a half. It was clever once in awhile but the whole pretending to do something while doing something else got a little bit old to me. Never bad mind you, but kind of repetitive. Not a bad match but it went too long.

We recap the Dawn Marie vs. Jackie Gayda feud. Jackie was with Charlie Haas and engaged but Dawn said she was with Charlie when Jackie wasn’t paying attention. Josh (sounding like he went through reverse puberty) asks her why Dawn did that and she says she’ll do it again tonight. Dawn goes in to see Jackie who is topless. Dawn says Charlie is being blackmailed into marrying her. Oral sex is implied.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Nunzio

Spike is EVIL and defending. He’s the Dudley Boss here or something like that. Nunzio got a non-title win to get this shot. They go into a long collar and elbow sequence but Nunzio comes back with right forearms. He hiptosses Spike to the floor as I wonder why this isn’t on Smackdown. Some quick pinfall attempt get two. Spike gets sent to the floor again and Nunzio hits a dive, getting two back inside.

He goes up but Bubba shoves him off to change momentum. Spike uses some of the same rollups that Nunzio used, one of which gets reversed into a Nunzio two count. Johnny the Bull is outside also, meaning we have far too many people here for a Cruiserweight Title match. Spike hooks a full nelson on the mat. Tazz says Cole’s finishing move would be a quarter nelson. Cole says he’d call it the Cole-plex.

Nunzio makes his comeback but gets thrown to the floor. Spike follows him out there but gets backdropped. A backslide gets two in the ring for the challenger. Johnny and D-Von get into it on the floor so Bubba can crotch Nunzio on the post. Spike gets the easy pin to retain. Yep that was lame.

Rating: D+. For everyone that says there needs to be a Cruiserweight Title again, I’d point them to the title after about 2003. The matches and feuds were thrown together and the matches didn’t mean anything at all. This went nowhere and wasn’t an interesting match at all, although there are better Cruiserweights on the roster so maybe this is a bad example.

Undertaker career highlight: beating Hogan for the title.

We recap London vs. Kidman. They were a tag team who won the titles for awhile but Kidman messed up a Shooting Star one night and hurt Chavo’s face. Everyone shunned Kidman and he couldn’t use the move anymore because of psychological issues. Instead he walked away and the team lost the titles eventually as a result. London blamed Kidman and he was labeled a quitter because he wouldn’t give the fans the move they wanted. He said that the fans were bloodthirsty so London slapped him. If Kidman doesn’t fight, he’s fired.

Billy Kidman vs. Paul London

London sprints to the ring but Kidman runs. Paul wants answers. I’m not sure what the question is but I guess that’s up for interpretation. London controls to start and hits a leg lariat for two. A clothesline puts Kidman down and then out to the floor. London hits a sweet springboard moonsault but he might have hit the apron on the way down. Slingshot splash gets two back inside.

Kidman comes back by ramming his face into the buckle and kicking him in the face. London’s ribs are rammed into the post and Kidman goes after the ribs. All Billy at this point as he smacks London in the face. Apparently London had a broken nose recently. See, that’s something good a commentator can do: remind us of something that makes offense more vicious.

Billy stretches the ribs more and catches London in a gutbuster for two. Off to a seated abdominal stretch and London is in big trouble. Kidman gets back up and tries a tornado DDT for some reason. London blocks and hits an enziguri, but his powerbomb is blocked into an X Factor for two. Kidman tries a Low Down but London countered with a rana for two. London tries to speed things up but gets caught by a dropkick. Billy looks to the corner but walks off instead. He comes back at a count of seven and walks into a superkick. London tries a Shooting Star but it lands on knees. Kidman’s Shooting Star ends this.

Rating: C+. That was a solid heel turn match for Kidman. The rib work was great and the ending was solid too. I was liking this quite a bit with a good story the whole time, which is more than you can ask for more often than not. Kidman would be gone by June and London would get stuck in Cruiserweight Title limbo, but it was a good way to get there at least.

London is bleeding from the mouth so Billy blames the fans for it. London is strapped to a back board so Kidman goes up and hits another Shooting Star to the defenseless man. Nice.

Another Undertaker title moment: beating Sid at Wrestlemania 13.

JBL wants to know why the PPV is biased to the Undertaker. Why does everyone think JBL will lose tonight? How is that fair and biased? He talks about how he’s guaranteed victory in all of his title matches but can’t bring himself to say it here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio

I vaguely remember Suzuki and Dupree as champions. My guess is that there’s a reason I don’t remember more. I know I remember thinking Kenzo bored me to death. Kenzo tries to sing Born in the USA pre match. Rob and Rene start us off. A quick powerbomb attempt is countered into a pin attempt by Rob and we get a standoff. Rey tags himself in and the challengers speed things up, resulting in a dropkick by Rey for two.

Suzuki comes in. Cole refers to him by his nickname of the bronze warrior, causing Tazz to say “Do you think he aspires to be a golden warrior?” Well at least it wasn’t about pigeons. The champs are both sent to the floor and the challengers hit stereo dives. Cole: “Only on Smackdown!” Except when it’s on PPV right Cole? Rob vs. Kenzo in the ring now but Rob is quickly send to the floor as Rene pushed him off the top.

We hear about Kenzo winning the Young Lions Cup and it’s back to Rene for a neck crank. A knee drop by Kenzo gets two. There’s the hot tag to Rey (minus the hot part) who cleans house and destroys Kenzo. Seated senton gets two. Rene breaks up the 619 but Rob breaks up a powerbomb. Rolling Thunder takes out Dupree and now the 619 connects. Dupree breaks up the West Coast Pop though, only to get taken out by Van Dam. Kenzo cradles Mysterio and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t horrible but you could really see that the tag titles were in shambles at this point. To be fair they had been for years so that’s hardly breaking news, but you get the idea. Not much of a match but it didn’t suck, which is really all you can ask for from these thrown together matches.

We recap Angle vs. Big Show. Show came back again and laid waste to everyone which impressed Teddy. Big Show was given a choice of facing Eddie or Angle. Show had injured Angle months ago so he picked Angle for a revenge match. Angle had recruited Jindrak to join him and Reigns against Show. Then on Smackdown, Angle shot Big Show with a tranquilizer dart and the trio shaved his head.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

If Luther or Jindrak interfere, they’re fired. Show threatens Angle a lot to start and shoves him away with ease. He runs Angle over and Cole says it’s like running into a concrete wall. Cole: “Go outside and run into a concrete wall to see how that feels.” Tazz: “Yeah don’t do that.” There’s a toss around the ring after Kurt can’t come close to suplexing him. There’s a suplex and Kurt is in big trouble. Angle gets thrown around and says screw this and takes the countout loss.

Never mind as Teddy pops in and says if you leave, you’ll never wrestle on Smackdown again. Yeah because it’s not like there’s another show he can wrestle on where they would welcome him with open arms or anything. Kurt has a ten count to get back in and he does so at nine after tripping over the steps. That was funny. Show keeps up the dominance with a headbutt and chops in the corner.

Now he stands on Angle’s chest. Why get more complicated than you have to? Out to the floor and Show punches a chair into Angle’s face. Back in Show drops a leg and chops some more. Angle has had zero offense and we’re over five minutes into this. He gets in an elbow but jumps into a slam. Here comes the chokeslam but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. He gets the grapevine but lets it go a few seconds later. Kind of stupid no? Yeah it was because Show kicks him off and into the referee.

Kurt heads to the floor and grabs a chair which goes into the knee. Then it goes onto it a few more times. He hooks a knee bar over the apron and Show is in trouble. Show gets up and shrugs off all of the offense. A big boot puts Angle down but a second crotches him on the ropes. Angle Slam gets two. He heads to the floor and gets the tranquilizer gun again but Show grabs it away and breaks it over his knee. Ok that was cool. Reverse powerbomb kills Kurt and a chokeslam off the top ends this clean.

Rating: C. I liked this for some reason. There’s something cool about having Show just go off on people and destroy them with reckless abandon. That chokeslam looked great as Angle crashed to the mat. Fun match with Angle putting people over which is something he’s always been cool with it seems.

We recap Cena vs. Booker. It’s the final match in a best of five series for the title. Angle was GM and stripped Cena of the title. There was an eight man elimination match where Booker legally stole the title. Teddy Long made Cena #1 contender in a best of five series because of that hater Kurt Angle stealing the title from him. Cena won at Summerslam, Booker won on Smackdown, Booker won at a Smackdown house show, Cena won at Smackdown, tonight is the final match.

US Title: Booker T vs. John Cena

The title can change hands on a DQ or countout here. Cena slugs away to start and gets two off a shoulder block. Booker is sent to the floor and for once it makes sense for Cena to not go after him. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Cena but he walks into a spinebuster for the same. Out to the floor and Cena goes into the steps. Pretty slow start so far. Now Booker goes into the steps.

Back in Booker loads up the side kick but settles for a superkick instead, getting two. Off to a chinlock to kill some time. Cena comes back with a cross body for two. Booker suplexes him and it’s back to the chinlock. Cena hits a fisherman’s suplex for two and it’s back to Booker in control. This is really boring so far. Booker misses the side kick and crotches himself on the top rope.

Cena wins a slugout and a clothesline takes Booker down. The Shuffle gets two. He pumps up the shoes but the FU is countered. Booker comes back with the Book End for two as the crowd is getting behind Cena. Booker goes to get a chair but has to drop it to save the title. Scissors kick misses and Cena gets two off the crash. The FU ends this clean. Wow that was anti-climactic.

Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this one. Cena got a lot better in the next year or two but at this point he was really weak out there. Booker would do nothing for the next year until he won the world title and turned British in about a year and a half. Cena would lose the title on Smackdown to the debuting Carlito.

Taker won his third title at Over the Edge from Austin. That was the Owen Hart show.

Dudley Boys/Dawn Marie vs. Rico/Charlie Hass/Miss Jackie

I miss Dawn. She was gorgeous. Jackie is no slouch either. Bubba and Haas start us off but D-Von jumps him to give them the early advantage. D-Von beats on Charlie but Dawn tags herself in to hit on Charlie. Jackie comes in and there goes Dawn’s top. Bubba pulls Jackie’s hair to give Dawn the advantage then comes in to kiss her. Bubba makes the mistake of closing his eyes though and gets a kiss from Rico instead.

Out to the floor and Bubba is about to be sick. It’s such a shame that Rico got this gimmick as he was AWESOME in OVW, regularly outworking guys like Orton and Cena. Bubba walks out and Rico gets a bunch of (fruit) rollups on D-Von. Bubba comes back to crotch Rico and then officially comes in to give Rico a heterosexual beating. Rico grabs a DDT out of nowhere and double tags bring in the other guys.

Haas cleans house and causes some heel miscommunication. A German takes down Bubba but Dawn distracts him, allowing D-Von to get in some offense. Rico makes a blind tag and hits a cross body for two as everything breaks down. The Dudleys load up What’s Up but Rico is WAY too excited for it, rubbing his crotch and begging D-Von to jump. D-Von won’t do it so we get a catfight instead. Charlie takes down D-Von and Rico finishes him with a moonsault.

Rating: C+. It was a comedy tag match, but every time I watch Rico I love him more and more. This guy was doing everything he could to get this dead end gimmick over and it worked. Rico cracked me up which was the whole point of the character. It’s a shame he wasn’t allowed to just be himself and awesome. Fun match.

Taker won the title from Hogan again.

We recap JBL vs. Taker. Taker had chokeslammed JBL through the limo at Summerslam, resulting in JBL being injured and one of the funniest visuals ever in WWE. JBL was in a neck brace and hat his cowboy hat attached to the top of the halo, making the hat about three feet above his head. It was hilarious. Anyway, Taker was granted the rematch and beat up a lot of JBL’s cronies. it’s a Last Ride match, meaning ambulance match but with a hearse instead.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. The Undertaker

The champ jumps him to start which is surprising for him. Taker pounds him down and drops some elbows. He’s in full striking mode here. Old School puts JBL down but the champ gets a thumb to Taker’s eye. Taker goes Zombie Mode and chokeslams JBL down but it’s way too early to put him in the hearse.

JBL gets beaten down again and takes the apron legdrop. They fight in the aisle for a bit and JBL goes into the steps. Taker loads up the announce table but walks into steps to the head to give the champ his first real advantage. JBL kicks him up the aisle and hits Taker with the steps again. After a quick trip towards the hearse, they come back into the ring and JBL hits a top rope shoulder to put the Deadman down.

Taker grabs a triangle choke and JBL taps but it doesn’t mean anything. Out to the floor and Taker pounds some more because he’s not that smart at times. Taker loads up the table again but JBL hits him with the steps to break it up. That’s strangely familiar. A piledriver on the steps is attempted (Taker did it to Lesnar last year and Cole was fine with it, but here it’s evil) but Undertaker backdrops him.

They fight into the crowd with Taker in control. Back to ringside and Taker hits a Tombstone on the steps. Cole didn’t seem to think that was evil either. Bradshaw is busted but finds a chair to whack Taker in the head with out of nowhere. That sounded great. A monitor to the head puts Taker on a table. JBL gets the chair and winds up getting chokeslammed through the other table.

JBL’s face is covered in blood. I’ll give the guy this: he knows how to do bladejobs. Taker gets up first and wants to head to the hearse. Into a fireman’s carry and up the aisle they go. Taker opens the door but Heidenreich pops out. He knocks Undertaker out with ether and sends the hearse away but Taker pops out of that too. He pounds on Heidenreich but walks into the Clothesline for Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: D+. Some ok violence but for the love of all things good and holy can we get ANYONE but JBL as champion? His reign probably looks better over time, but at the time it happened it was awful with some of the lowest buyrates of all time as a result. Naturally it went on until Wrestlemania to make sure absolutely no one cared by the end of it.

JBL says never bet against him.

The hearse was being driven by Heyman who instructs Heidenreich to ram a car into it. Taker is blown up AGAIN to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s some ok stuff on here, but there’s no great match like there was last year with Angle and Cena. The main event is lame and the whole car blowing up bit was eye rolling material, as we’ve seen Taker die so many times that it’s almost a cliché at this point. Not a memorable show at all and certainly not worth watching.

 

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Great American Bash 2005
Date: July 24, 2005
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re back for more of this nonsense. It’s still Smackdown only and after the recent Draft, Batista and the World Heavyweight Championship are the bees’ knees (I’ve always wanted to say that) on the blue show. The main event is him defending against JBL, but this was before Batista got good against Taker. The rest of the card looks like your basically dull single branded PPV. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the American Dream and how the whole show is going to be about him despite his matches sucking and not nearly as many people wanting to see him as he thinks. Oh scratch that, wrong American Dream. This is about Batista vs. JBL and Hassan being discriminated against. This is after the London terrorism thing. Oh and we’re in the Eddie vs. Rey for Rey’s kid thing.

You can tell this show is weak: the sponsor is WWE.com.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MNM vs. Heidenreich/Animal

This is Heidenreich/Animal since Hawk died a few years ago. I think this is because of the LOD DVD. Despite MNM being an awesome tag team and the champions (and the predecessors to Miz/Morrison), what do you think is going to happen here? Heidenreich doesn’t have spikes because he’d have to earn them. They’re called Legion of Doom but they changed the music so I don’t consider them a team. Heidenreich runs off Mercury to start and then does the same to Morrison.

Animal throws him back in and Animal gets a big pop. A double suplex puts the champions down and man there’s a gut on him. This is a total squash so far. FINALLY the champions double team Heidenreich and take his knees out. Mercury works on the knee and the announcers try to compare Heidenreich, the guy that raped Cole remember, to Hawk. Morrison misses a cannonball down onto the knee so it’s back to Mercury. This is REALLY boring stuff. After he cleans house, a title shot to the head gets two. Snapshot is broken up and the Doomsday Device gives the not-LOD the titles.

Rating: D. There was zero reason to put this on PPV and it wasn’t a good match in the slightest. They were trying to go for the LOD formula of total domination, but the non-matching tights and the lack of anything resembling charisma (or talent) by Heidenreich kept that from working. Bad TV match and an awful PPV match. Somehow they would hold the titles for THREE MONTHS.

Eddie talks about how he offered Rey a new twist on their match because he likes manipulating people now. He wants Dominic out at ringside for their match tonight to see Rey get destroyed. Eddie’s facials on this are great.

Christian vs. Booker T

Christian is awesome at this point and freshly on Smackdown. Booker is veteran midcarder in residence. Booker chases him into the ring and it’s a staredown. Christian hides, because that’s what cowardly heels do right? They fight up the aisle and there’s no story or reason for this match happening mentioned so far. Back in the ring a slingshot gets two for Booker. The tornado reverse DDT off the middle rope gets two for the Captain.

One arm DDT gets the same results. This is going nowhere again. Christian dominates with an evil headlock and Taz calls it an Anaconda Vice. Wait maybe it was a Vice. It’s not like we could see it, but who cares about something like BEING ABLE TO SEE THE MOVE??? Side kick misses and Booker goes down. Sharmell slaps him to remind us she’s still alive. Bookend hits for two.

The twisting sunset flip out of the corner gets no count but a spinebuster puts the Canadian down. Again there’s no particular reason for this match happening and that more or less sums up the problem with this match: there’s no reason to see them fighting. There’s the Spinarooni but since this is near Canada and Toronto in particular, this isn’t exactly a Spinarooni town.

Booker hits him in the corner but Christian powerbombs him out for two with feet on the ropes. Missile dropkick gets two for Booker. Christian ducks a….something, and they go outside. Booker throws him into steel objects, goes back in, hits the axe kick from the middle rope and that’s it. Seriously, that’s it.

Rating: D+. It’s not a bad match, but this came and went. The ending was kind of cool looking, but at the same time there’s NOTHING interesting here at all. Tazz mentions something about Smackdown from a few weeks ago but it’s not like we’ve heard that in the twelve minute match. The lack of story hurt this a lot, but these two have never worked well together at all.

Some old interviewer talks to Melina who says MNM will get the titles back soon. She’s going to beat Torrie in their bra and panties match too.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Jordan is champion and has been since March, beating Cena for the title. Yes, this guy kept the title like six months for absolutely no apparent reason. He has stupid looking puffed up hair here too. Benoit hammers him down to start as Orlando isn’t all that talented. Jordan tries to kick him in the knee and Benoit just chops him down. The champ tries working on the arm but Benoit leg drags him down and we go to the floor.

Benoit goes into the post and Jordan takes the buckle off. That lets the Canadian hit a German on the American to take over. There was no story to this other than Benoit beat Booker to get this shot. Jordan works on the neck for a second and then fires off punches. He used to be a boxer apparently. Ok so now Jordan is on the arm. PICK A BODY PART AND STICK WITH IT!!!

A dropkick puts Benoit down which Tazz tries to pass off as a big impressive move. Back to the arm and this match needs to end already. I’ve been thinking that a lot in this show. Benoit grabs a Sharpshooter attempt to try to get something going but Jordan would rather bore us to death. Jordan hooks something like a crossface chickenwing and then off to the neck because he worked on it for a few seconds earlier.

Jordan goes up but Benoit chops him down and hits a superplex off the top to put both guys down. Another Sharpshooter attempt fails but here are the Rolling Germans. I’m still not sure what popping your hips means. Swan dive gets two after a delay. Benoit chops away but Orlando’s head smacks into Benoit’s to put Chris down. Jordan finishes taking the pad off the buckle and a charging Benoit hits that for the pin to keep the title on Jordan. Yes they really did this. Benoit would win it at Summerslam in like 30 seconds.

Rating: D. Again the problem here is that Jordan is just boring. He’s as generic as anyone could ask for and I don’t think he had an actual finishing move. He might have used a DDT once in awhile. Imagine Honky Tonk Man’s offense, minus anything resembling charisma or ability in the ring. And he held the title for SIX MONTHS!

Benoit gets a standing ovation for some reason.

We recap Taker vs. Hassan. The match is for the #1 contender spot, but the problem was that Hassan had sent in a group of masked terrorist characters to choke Taker out with piano wire. They decided to do this on the same day as the London subway bombings, so UPN (the network Smackdown was on) basically threatened to throw WWE off the air if Hassan kept appearing, so this is his last appearance.

Undertaker vs. Muhammad Hassan

The Terrorists bring out Hassan on a caravan kind of thing. Hassan reiterates that if he loses here he’ll never show his face on Smackdown again. The winner of this gets a shot at Summerslam (didn’t happen). Some of the terrorists surround the ring. Hassan tries to run but gets caught in the corner and hammered on. Old School hits and a Downward Spiral gets two.

Taker charges in the corner but goes crashing over the corner to the floor. The Terrorists hammer away on him and Hassan takes over. Back in a DDT gets two. Taker shrugs off everything and hammers Hassan down. He heads to the floor and beats down the Terrorists, but gets caught by the wire again. Oh and they’re “sympathizers” according to Cole. The ski-masks, black sweatshirts and camo pants would suggest otherwise. Hassan puts his camel clutch on back in the ring which is easily countered. The Terrorists come in and are knocked back down. Chokeslam ends Hassan.

Rating: D+. Somehow a match based around terrorists with zero drama to it at all is the best match so far tonight. This show seems to have no soul at all and it’s really hurting things. This was a really bad period for the company but the show sucking this much is inexcusable. This was the best match of the night so far if that’s possible.

Taker beats up the Terrorists and Daivari because he can. Hassan goes up the ramp but Taker catches him and hits a Last Ride through part of the stage. Hassan was never seen again. This takes like 8 minutes.

Torrie promises to give the troops watching something to remember against Melina.

Hassan is bleeding from the back of his head as he’s taken away.

Mexicools vs. BWO

Oh where do I begin. Ok so the Mexicools are Juvy, Psicosis and Super Crazy as really stereotypocal Mexicans (ride lawnmowers, carry rakes etc). The BWO is here because at One Night Stand, JBL legitimately beat up Blue Meanie. WWE gave Meanie a job for like two months so he didn’t sue them. This is their only match of note. The BWO comes out on big wheels for absolutely no apparent reason. American Chopper joke maybe?

Juvy vs. Nova starts us off. Things break down and the BWO takes over. Psicosis finally hits a corkscrew plancha to take over on Nova. Back to Juvy as Nova gets beaten down. He Hulks Up (NWO parody remember…..in 2005) and Cole messes up the BWO’s names. Hot tag brings in Richards who cleans house. Side slam gets two on Psicosis. Everything breaks down and Crazy hits a moonsault onto Richards followed by a guillotine legdrop by Psicosis for the pin.

Rating: F. This was on PPV. Once you get that through your heads, you’ll get why this was a failure.

We recap Eddie vs. Rey. They had been partners but Eddie never could beat Rey one on one. Eventually Eddie started talking about Rey’s son Dominic and said he was going to tell Dominic a story. Rey said don’t do it and so Eddie wanted one more match. If Eddie wins, he gets to tell Dominic the story.

Rey and his son pray before the match. Dominic follows the time honored tradition of speaking Spanish and then repeating it in English like he’s in a high school class.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Cole apologizes for being biased in this match. That’s chuckle worthy given what would come from Cole in like 5 years. Dominic is at ringside and the fans are behind Eddie. Eddie forces a handshake and Rey is getting madder and madder. Rey finally snaps and hammers away as the bell rings. He gets things going and hits the bulldog for two. We keep stopping so Eddie can smile at Dominic.

Eddie goes up but gets crotched and Rey snaps off a hurricanrana. This time Guerrero crotches Rey but Rey counters with a rana and hits the 619 to the ribs. Seated senton gets two. Eddie rolls to the floor to panic a bit then goes up to Dominic. Rey finally remembers that his mortal enemy is hugging his son and goes out for the save. Eddie hides behind him and tells Rey to get on his knees and beg.

Rey of course does and Eddie of course blasts him, because good guys are idiots in wrestling. Cole goes on a rant about how Eddie is getting off on this manipulation. Eddie is dominating here and not much is going on. Rey is basically fighting on instinct and trying to stay alive. Keep in mind that this whole match is based on the idea that if Eddie, the evil psychopathic villain loses, he gives his word he won’t say something. I mean you KNOW he’d never lie about that right?

Gory Stretch is on but Rey counters. He can’t follow up though and Eddie sends him to the floor. Eddie goes after Dominic and Rey speeds up again, taking over with a few shots. Rey grabs a tornado DDT for two. 619 hits but Eddie avoids the Dropping the Dime. Three Amigos hit but Rey rolls away before Eddie jumps for the Frog Splash. He makes it Six Amigos and the last one is a brainbuster. Now the Frog Splash hits but Eddie would rather look at Dominic, allowing Rey to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: C. The problem here is that the match runs about 15 minutes and about three of those minutes were spent looking at Dominic or Eddie stalking him. The problem is that this was based too much on emotion and the match was pretty much devoid of energy or interest. Naturally this feud would continue as Eddie would reveal that he’s the father of Dominic, setting up the line of “the following contest is for the custody of Dominic!”

Eddie freaks out post match.

JBL, wearing a patriotic vest that Apollo Creed would look at and say “yo dude tone it down”, says he’ll win the title which the Buffalo Bills couldn’t do. He’s a great American don’t you know.

Torrie Wilson vs. Melina

Bra and panties rules and Candace Michelle is guest referee for no apparent reason. I’m not particularly going to bother talking about this, because it has nothing to do with wrestling at all. Torrie does look good in pink pants though. She actually puts on an abdominal stretch and pulls the top off of Melina. Melina kicks her to the floor and takes over. Torrie loses her shirt too. Candace has had nothing at all to do in this match. And there go Torrie’s pants. I’m not rating this but they looked good.

Candace strips Melina to end this. She also strips herself. This would be better if they both weren’t in Playboy.

We recap the main event. Cena had been drafted to Raw so there was no champion. There was a six man elimination match to crown a new champion and JBL won it. Then right after it was over Teddy announced that Batista had signed to Smackdown somehow. JBL didn’t get the title but he gets the title shot here instead. Batista said he saw a bully in JBL and he’s here to stand up to the bully. Batista cost JBL a match with the Blue Meanie.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL gets a full police escorted motorcade from outside into the arena. Once in the arena, we get confetti and JBL is handing out small American flags. Batista is mad over. He was significantly ahead of Cena at this point but Johnny was coming up fast. JBL is looking thicker here. Not fat, but thick. Ok maybe it is just fat. Big Dave takes over with power to start as they have about 20 minutes here.

They go to the floor for a bit and they fight over a suplex coming back in. JBL clotheslines him on the top, and then we get the scary part. JBL jumps off with a clothesline and Batista catches him like it’s nothing. THAT. SHOULD. NOT. HAPPEN. Back in Batista’s shoulder goes into the post and a big boot knocks him to the floor. They go onto the announce table and both guys are down.

Jibbles takes over, hammering away with the power game. He gets a flying fist off the table which gets two back in the ring. There are some elbow drops and then a sleeper. JBL’s red white and blue wrist tape is downright keen. The sleeper goes on for about a minute or so which should kill Batista but in wrestling, it’s just a way for him to get a breather. Finally he suplexes out of it and both guys are down.

A Batista charge sends him to the floor and he goes into the steps. Then he goes into the post so one steel object won’t feel left out. It’s always steel. Why is that? Anyway a big boot by JBL misses and a clothesline puts the Texan in the crowd. A spinebuster hits but the referee was bumped. Jordan comes out and gets decked too.

The Bomb is loaded up but Jordan cracks him with a chair. That only gets two of course because thank goodness we’re not getting another JBL title reign. The Clothesline gets two and the second attempt is countered into a spinebuster and then a powerslam. And then Jordan comes in with a chair. Batista cracks Jordan and then JBL with it and that’s good for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible, but man they needed something else for an ending. The problem here is that no one bought that JBL had a chance. They go twenty minutes for an ending that we already knew was coming, and then we have a weak DQ ending involving Orlando Jordan. That’s not how you end a show, especially after how badly this shown has gone already.

Post match Batista freaks out and kills everyone with powerbombs. The rematch would be a street fight.

Overall Rating: D-. I reviewed this show all in one day. Now usually that isn’t the case and I do part of a PPV review in one day and then more of it on the next. Sometimes it takes parts of three days, but today I did it in one. I had to look at the card again after the main event because I couldn’t remember what happened on it. That’s how forgettable this show was. Those kind of shows are far worse than a horrible one because there’s nothing you can to complain about and nothing all that interesting. Horribly dull show and I can see why this series is hated so much.

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Survivor Series 2008
Date: November 23, 2008
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Matt Striker, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

So here we are at the most recent Survivor Series. This show is built around one thing and one thing only: the return of John Cena. He was coming back from being hurt by Batista, so therefore he’s the #1 contender to Chris Jericho’s title. Considering this is in his hometown, the ending is pretty clear. On the Smackdown side we have the triple threat between HHH, Kozlov and allegedly Hardy, but this was the infamous stairwell angle that I’ve never gotten why it had such a huge backlash.

More on that later though. Anyway, Hardy isn’t there so we have a one on one match allegedly. There’s also three Survivor Series matches so that should be good. They’re going with longer matches this year, which I’m fine with. Let’s get to it and end this review series as even I’m fed up with this show at this point.

The intro is all about Cena and survival. No other matches are mentioned at all. Good to know that the company thinks so much of its other wrestlers. The theme song is by AC/DC though so I can’t really complain. We immediately start talking about the Hardy incident where they claim that ABC, CNN and TMZ have all talked about this.

That would surprise me, but I’d be more surprised if they would flat out lie like that on a live PPV. That’s something that’s a bit hard to cover up, so maybe those outlets did. TMZ I could certainly see doing it. Anyway, Ross’ voice sounds a bit off. Maybe he’s sick or something. Let’s get to it.

Team HBK vs. Team JBL

HBK, Cryme Tyme, Great Khali, Rey Mysterio
JBL, Miz, Morrison, MVP, Kane

The feuds here are pretty simple. HBK vs. JBL, the tag teams, Kane vs. Rey and MVP and Great Khali aren’t really feuding but they just didn’t have anything else to do. My goodness Lillian is gorgeous. How can you have multiple sole survivors? The money aspect of JBL vs. HBK hasn’t kicked off yet but they’re fighting a bit. These entrances are taking WAY too long. To say Rey is over is the understatement of the year.

MVP is in the middle of his big losing streak here that would ultimately make him a face. Miz and Morrison are just awesome, plain and simple. We start with MVP vs. Rey which should be a decent little match. If his partner didn’t suck so much, JTG would be a decent wrestler. He’s certainly the more talented member of his team, but dang he’s small. He’s also eliminated by a Drive By from MVP. He literally turns around and is hit by a Khali chop and pinned.

Well that’s a decent way to get rid of two guys I guess. It’s big on big now with Kane vs. Khali. The camera shot they use of looking up at them is really a cool looking thing. With an assist from Khali, Rey takes out Kane with a very high splash. We move on to Rey vs. Morrison here which should definitely be good.

The commentators are getting a lot of little verbal jabs in at each other which are at least being taken well. Good grief Shad is scary strong. Someone finally points out that Shad wears weird boots when he wrestles.

The commentators get into a long and weird debate/joke fest about 80s bands which makes no sense. They’re interrupted by Miz taking out Shad with a Reality Check. It’s 3-3 here as it’s HBK, Rey and Khali against Miz, Morrison and JBL. We get HBK vs. Miz which is a pretty cool match that I’d like to see more of. After JBL and Miz punch the heck out of HBK’s face, his eye is busted open a bit.

I would love to see Shawn vs. Morrison in a 20 minute match once. It would be awesome. Morrison starts using Shawn’s old moves, after having beaten him with a superkick on Raw this past week. That’s a cool angle when you think about it. After a long time of being in trouble, HBK makes the tag and Rey comes in. He goes completely human highlight reel and takes out Miz like he’s a jobber.

The you can’t wrestle chants kick off for JBL, which I’ve always thought was unfair. He’s a big power brawler. It wouldn’t make sense to have him do flips and technical stuff. It’s not in his nature. Rey has been held down his entire career? Really Grisham? He’s a former world champion, the greatest cruiserweight of all time and a surefire hall of fame guy. He’s really been held down. Morrison gets a nice counter to the bulldog move that Rey does.

I like it when people use counters to signature moves. It’s nice to see as it can’t be as hard as it’s implied. I don’t think it’s fair to say that JBL can’t wrestle, but dang his offense was pretty limited. Almost all he’s used are punches, clubbing blows and shoulder blocks. Throw out a powerbomb or a suplex or something buddy. Shawn comes in and after the nip up throws out a crotch chop to Morrison, foreshadowing the inevitable DX reunion number 18,000.

HBK and JBL go to the floor and fight it out resulting in JBL getting counted out but in a way that reminds me of a video game for some reason. Shawn almost walks into what would have been a SICK Sweet Chin Music from Morrison but naturally he ducks and kicks John’s head off for the pin and the victory.

Rating: B+. This was about as good of an opener as we were going to get. All of the eliminations made sense which is a lot more than I can say for some past matches. The feuds were kept alive which is the biggest thing you can ask for also. Everyone but JBL looked on their game out there and the result was solid. This is the epitome of a good Survivor Series match.

We go to the back where Eve, who is about to fall out of her top, is with HHH. HHH says that Jeff will be back, but tonight it’s HHH vs. Kozlov, which is what it should have been all along. HHH says that tonight is Kozlov’s first Survivor Series, his first title match, and his first loss. That’s a very short but good promo that hit exactly what it was supposed to do. There was a real chance that the Russian got the belt tonight, despite everyone on here knowing how much of a disaster that would have been.

Raw Divas vs. Smackdown Divas

Raw: Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian
Smackdown: Michelle, Victoria, Maria, Maryse, Natalya

This is Survivor Series rules. Santino is with Beth here. The Divas are wearing their respective brands shirts which they all pull off. Yep, this is all about wrestling ability. Oh yeah Michelle and Beth are the respective champions here. Ok so more or less this is how the first few eliminations go: rollup, move, rollup, rollup, move. That’s the issue with the modern Divas.

So many of them win matches with nothing but rollups, which I can’t accept is due to anything other than a lack of knowing how to do anything else. That’s just sad. To be fair they’re not just school boys, but they’re all leverage moves or jackknife pins or something like that. That’s fine once in awhile but it eventually gets really old really fast. The Smackdown Divas keep arguing over who the captain is since Michelle is eliminated.

After that big rant, Jillian is taken out by a rollup. Within seconds a Northern Lights suplex takes out Maria. That’s another thing: the eliminations are coming WAY too fast. Seconds later, Maryse takes out Candice with an inverted figure four which in essence is a Sharpshooter where you sit on the leg instead of pulling on it. The final two are Beth and Maryse. Beth wins it with a big power move. This was just boring. Santino of course celebrates because he needs to validate his existence.

Rating: D-. This was just a waste of time. The eliminations were like 45 seconds apart, the moves were just repetitive, this accomplished nothing, and no one cared. That’s the main problems I can think of right now and I’m sure there were more in there. I don’t get why these matches happen. I guess to keep pests off of Vince’s back for doing swimsuit contests.

Matt Hardy says he doesn’t know what happened to Jeff. He knows that Jeff got hit in the head but that’s it.

We recap Taker vs. Big Show’s 10,387th feud which was exactly the same as it always had been. This time it’s a casket match. Big Show says Taker has no power over him. That more or less seals the ending of this match.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

Taker comes out first here to his mega entrance, which comes off as odd to me. Not the big entrance but that he comes out first. That’s just odd. Oh apparently that was just a group of random druids bringing the casket down. Yeah that’s just odd. I always love thinking about the druids getting lunch or something. It’s just amusing. Naturally the gong gets a bit pop.

This starts in the ring for about 12 seconds with most of that being Taker having the casket raised up. Immediately after that we’re on the floor with Show in control. I really don’t like these kinds of matches as they’re just so basic and simple that they’re not very interesting for the most part. Thankfully the ECW guys were allowed to leave.

I’ve always felt sorry for them having to sit out there all night long for a single match and then do nothing for the other two and a half hours but watch the show. Dang the announcers have nice chairs. A legdrop puts Show through the table because we’ve never seen that before. Hey we’re in the ring for a change! This is the big problem with feuds like this: we know Taker is going to win and that Show is just there to give Taker something to do until he’s back in the title hunt.

It gets old after awhile, but it’s kept Taker very fresh over the years so I can’t really complain. Show gets Taker down and has him in the casket but wants the referees to shut it, allegedly due to fear. Of course Taker pops up and starts his comeback. Ross calls Show a mastodon and before the word is out of his mouth he goes up for a Vader Bomb. It didn’t work but whatever.

Show gets out of the casket as apparently we need to do even more of the same stuff. The crowd is kind of into it but not really. They react to spots and that’s about all. With Taker down in the ring, Show tips the casket over and starts to leave. A wall of fire stops him and heeeeeeeere’s Taker. A bunch of druids bring out another casket as Taker is back up. They’re really making Show look strong here which is a good thing.

In something unique they stand the casket up. That’s new if nothing else. After the next ridiculous comeback from Taker, he beats on Show a bit and then Irish whips him into the standing casket which falls over and closes to end it. That was actually a cool ending but it got ZERO reaction. I mean no one did anything at all when it happened.

Rating: D+. This was a waste of time. No one cared, mainly due to who was in it. There was no reason at all to watch this and it was just boring. These two have fought so many times and had so many boring matches that there’s just no reason to watch it. The ending was cool if nothing else, which is why it passes.

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The Colons hit on the Bellas, who are indeed hot despite what some would like you to believe. Of all things, the Gobbledygooker comes in. I wish I was making that up. They think it’s Charlie Haas, but he walks up. It’s the Boogeyman.

Team Orton is in the back. Orton says he’d rather be fighting Jericho, leading to him and Cody arguing. Legacy hadn’t started yet but it was coming very soon.

Team Batista vs. Team Orton

Batista, Matt Hardy, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth
Orton, Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin, Regal, Mark Henry

No recap here, which more or less is the case because there’s very little story. The main thing here is about Orton and Batista. Orton put Batista out with a punt a few months earlier and is ticked off about it, leading to this. Punk and Kofi are tag champions here in the middle of their completely forgotten title reign that would end at the hands of Miz and Morrison soon after this. Matt is the ECW Champion here, in the middle of a pretty good feud with Mark Henry.

As for the other guys, there’s really nothing here. The Draft would change a lot around in 5-6 months, but until then there was just not a lot going on in the midcard. This match really was just kind of thrown together and there wasn’t a lot there for it. Rhodes has Manu with him here. The two of them and DiBiase had been trying to get Orton to join them but that wouldn’t happen for about two more months, forming Legacy.

Oh and Regal is IC Champion here, but he would lose it to Punk very soon. Speaking of Punk, he hits the GTS on Regal inside of 15 seconds to take him out. I’m assuming an injury or something like that there, but whatever. Kofi and Shelton get in there and just tear the place up for a few seconds. Truth really does have a cool look to him. Striker says that he’s making a killing here, which is amusing. The crowd is more or less dead here.

The announcers make sure to let us know that Orton vs. Batista is about Evolution. How can the feuds that came from a stable last longer than the stable itself did? I’ve never gotten that. Oh I think Shelton and R-Truth are having a mini feud here but no one really cared about it.

Like I said the feuds here were more or less thrown together and meant nothing at all. Oh I do remember R-Truth and Shelton. I watched them at a house show for the US Title. It more or less sucked. Shelton is US Champion here in case I forgot to mention that.

Truth is just sloppy. He walks into Paydirt though and it’s tied at 4. Kofi comes in off the top and Striker says the Jamaican is getting high. That’s just amusing. MVP would soon turn face and take the belt from Shelton, although not until just before Mania. Orton comes in and the match just slows down so much it’s insane. The second rope DDT takes out Kofi.

I would have thought the hair would absorb a lot of the impact there. Punk and Orton never got the match or angle that they should have after Orton cost him the world title at Unforgiven. That’s a shame as they would have had a great feud I think, or at least a great match or two. Naturally Punk was given a big thing of nothing like the tag titles. Granted he won the IC Title very soon, breathing some life back into it.

He would also get the MITB and world title again, so maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about. In what can only be called a shocker, Rhodes hits a DDT on Punk for the clean pin which has to be the biggest win of his career. I get the potential in him, but eventually he has to actually do something with it, and the same is true of DiBiase. We’re on to Henry vs. Hardy with the former slamming the heck out of Hardy to take him out.

Less than ten seconds later Henry is speared out by Batista. It’s 3-1 now in case you were wondering. We have Batista against Shelton, Rhodes and Orton. The Batista Bomb on Shelton makes is what would become Legacy vs. Batista. Dave runs through Rhodes but a quick tag from Orton saves him.

Despite Orton gyrating and jumping up and down waiting on Batista to turn around, the Animal doesn’t hear him. The RKO ends this, setting up the complete throw away match between Batista and Orton at Armageddon. Remember that match? I didn’t think so.

Rating: C-. I didn’t really like it. I liked Orton winning the way he did, but the whole thing went too fast. It wasn’t bad for sure, but it certainly wasn’t anything great. The complete lack of feuds hurt things a lot here too. Having so many people that had nothing to do with the main feud or anything like it hurt things. It was ok, but not great.

Kozlov says something that was supposed to be English I think. Never mind it’s Russian.

We recap the three way feud, despite Hardy not being here tonight. I would recap it, but it means nothing since Jeff isn’t wrestling and he’s the focus of the package.

WWE Title: Vladamir Kozlov vs. HHH

We get a bell for the introductions and a bell for the actual match, so technically the match was paused for the majority of the action. That joke has long since passed being funny. Naturally the USA chants start up. Within seconds the fans are chanting boring. More on that later. They’re doing a very mat based technical style here with some submission stuff. The we want Hardy chant is going strong for about 12 seconds.

A TNA chant starts up as they speed up the pace a bit. It’s not bad, but it’s a different style that I don’t think a lot of the people are into at all. It’s really not that bad. HHH is fighting a guy that’s never lost so he’s afraid to use his best stuff. He’s feeling out Kozlov at first to avoid making mistakes. What’s so weird about that? It’s a thinking man style from the Cerebral Assassin.

Why is that bad? I really don’t like the way Scott Armstrong counts. He’s the blonde referee that has that hitch in his count. It’s so annoying. This goes on for awhile, and while it’s kind of boring, it’s certainly not bad. From out of nowhere, HHH gets a Pedigree. He gets ready to cover him, but Vickie appears on the stage, saying that it will be a triple threat and that he’s here!

Naturally it’s not Jeff but rather the returning Edge. He hits a spear on HHH but Jeff runs out and beats up Edge. Ok wait, hang on a second. Jeff was ok to do the run in (this if from kayfabe mind you) but couldn’t wrestle? I thought he was supposed to be extreme or whatever. That makes little sense. Anyway, Jeff hits HHH and Kozlov with a chair but gets speared. Edge covers HHH and wins the freaking title again.

Rating: D+. This is going to be a long rating. Ok, so the match was pretty boring. Was it bad though? Not really. There was indeed a story there though as I outlined earlier on. Kozlov is supposed to be this master fighter and grappler, so what did he do you ask? He used a bunch of grapples and submission holds to wear down HHH. In other words, he did what his gimmick called for him to do.

HHH was wrestling smart, so he did what his gimmick called for him to do. The Edge twist felt cheap, but it’s nothing that he hasn’t done a dozen times or so already. However, Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter called this the worst match of the year. That my friends, is nonsense. The Divas match earlier was light years worse than this.

I would say that’s Meltzer simply continuing his quest to make WWE and Vince seem like the scum of the earth because for some reason he hates them both. He also called the Hardy angle the most tasteless of the year. This is one that I just do not get. Ok, let’s see. The reason the angle was considered in poor taste was Jeff’s past drug issues.

Tell me two things: when was it ever mentioned on WWE television that Jeff had drug issues, and when was it ever mentioned that this incident was drug related? Dang on the freaking broadcast they said he was hit on the head and attacked. It was an angle, nothing more. The drug thing was never mentioned once other than by people on the internet, but of course this is just so tasteless.

We’ll have Vickie Guerrero live off of Eddie’s name and make out with every guy under the freaking sun, but an angle that for all of 16 hours came close to hinting that Jeff might have had a relapse without ever saying it and clearing it up later that night was tasteless? Give me a break. It can be implied that Vince has slept with everything on the face of the earth and has a bastard midget son, but that’s not tasteless.

Women are flat out sex objects and nothing more, but that’s not tasteless. So it’s ok to do all that stuff, but having Jeff Hardy be found unconscious without ever saying what might have happened until on the show where they say he was attacked by a person and not an illegal substance is reprehensible? That’s the most hypocritical thing I’ve ever heard. If Jeff had another relapse, they wouldn’t have mentioned him being found out cold. Vince isn’t that stupid.

This reeked of angle the minute it broke at like 2:30 am the night before a PPV, but of course, it was tasteless right? Give me a freaking break. This is what gives the IWC a bad name: people making a huge deal about absolutely nothing at all when it was so clearly an angle. I said that the night it happened. I said it because it was obvious, but apparently Dave “he is risen again” Meltzer thinks otherwise, so it must be true right?

It doesn’t matter though as he’s barely a wrestling reporter anymore. Sorry I really can’t stand that guy. He does what all of us do and makes a fortune off of it. I’m sure someone will yell at me and tell me how brilliant he is, but no, not really. He’s good, but overrated. Ok, rant over for now at least.

Oh and it was revealed that Matt, Jeff’s brother, was behind everything. Jeff would win the title the next month in a freaking shocker anyway.

We jump from that to a recap of Jericho and Cena, which wasn’t really a feud but WWE kept trying to convince us of that anyway. Jericho had stolen the title at Unforgiven but as soon as Cena was announced as returning, the inevitable was clear. Oh and Batista got the world title for a week for no apparent reason in between. That’s about it.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

The ending here is about as obvious as you could imagine. Cena’s pop is massive here. They try to make it sound like Cena has been out for a year when it’s been about three months or less. Jericho works on the neck, which here at least makes sense. I get it three months after an injury, but when they reference it a year and a half later, it loses its effect quite a bit. This is really formula based stuff but it’s working ok.

Cena has an early flurry and then Jericho takes over for the majority of the match, working the neck as much as he can. There’s nothing wrong with that as it’s the same thing that worked for Hogan for years if not decades. Jericho’s three finishers all hit and of course none of them work. This is the longest match of the night but it’s likely going to have the least amount said about it. There’s little drama here and after that initial pop, the crowd has been ok at best.

This crowd has completely sucked all night long. Naturally, Cena survives everything and hits the massive FU to get the title back despite Jericho hitting everything he could on him. That closes the show, which is exactly what it should have been.

Rating: B. This was good enough. There was zero drama, but they didn’t bury Jericho. Cena certainly should have won as Jericho was just keeping the title warm for him for awhile anyway. There’s nothing wrong with that. Jericho was a horrible champion anyway and always has been, so this wasn’t a big deal at all. Cena was clearly going to win, and sometimes that’s how shows should end.

Overall Rating: C-. This had its moments, but overall it’s just not that great. With six matches you run the risk of messing up on one or two of them and screwing the whole show up which I think is what this show did. Having Hardy be pulled probably wasn’t the smartest thing in the world as I guess they didn’t want to take the spotlight away from Cena. I get that, but it’s still a good bit of a bait and switch which is the most annoying thing that a promoter can do.

It’s not as bad as Randy vs. Jake in 91, but it’s far from good. Anyway, this wasn’t a great show at all and it pales in comparison to 07. Still, it’s not awful, but it’s certainly not worth going out of your way to see. Not really recommended.

So that’s the Survivor Series. It’s certainly changed a lot over the years. It started out as the other PPV and slowly evolved into the Hulk Hogan Happy Hour as I don’t remember him losing at all until 91. The whole Survivor Series match thing has become an afterthought, which makes me sad as it certainly had the potential to be something big. It would have worked a lot better had they kept the initial formula of letting the heel get the win to tie up the series.

To be fair to Vince though, the ratings for the all SS matches shows were some of the worst of all time so he made the change that had to happen. I am glad though that they’ve at least kept the original matches around, but man they could do so much more with them. There have been some classics and there have been some awful shows, but that’s the case with all PPVs that have gone on for a long time.

It’s probably not my favorite of the Big Four, but it’s certainly a fun show, or at least it can be. Come to think of it, like I said in a thread I made, I don’t know if you can call this one of the Big Four anymore as it’s really more of the Big Three. Either way, this was fun to do, but just like at Summerslam I got annoyed with it near the end.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 2011
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 16,744
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

After last week’s wrestling light show tonight we’re supposed to get Cena’s response to Rock which he says will be a final knockout.  With Mania more or less set all we have to do for the most part is finish the build to it.  There are four Raws left before then and hopefully they’re better than last week’s.  Austin is here tonight too which should help some.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from last week of HHH talking about how his only remaining challenge is the Streak and ending it.

In the arena Taker comes to the ring complete with Johnny Cash music.  He talks about how people have been talking about how the Streak ends this year due to Father Time.  Or maybe it’s due to the Game, the King of Kings, Triple H.  Taker says that only one can be the Last Outlaw.  He shows us a highlight reel of the last two Mania matches, showing what happens to people that try to end his Streak.  The match at Mania is no holds barred apparently, and at Wrestlemania, HHH will Rest in Peace.

After telling us about Austin being here tonight we see Orton fighting off someone in the back.  It’s Otunga and Orton is double teamed by Otunga and Ryan.  Punk comes up and says McGillicutty is on the shelf.  Punk gets in his face and slams his head into what looks like a metal wall or cabinet.  GTS to Orton and Punk tells the two guys to take him to the ring as we go to a break.

Back with Nexus beating on Orton and then Otunga saying he’s ready for his match.  Randy says ring the bell.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

 

Otunga is in control quickly due to Orton being very weakened.  He pounds away and adds a slam for two.  Otunga gets his spinebuster for two which more or less seals the fate of the ending here.  He picks Orton up again and there’s the RKO to end it at 2:00.  Exactly what you would expect here.

Post match Ryan runs out after being thrown out pre-match and kicks Orton’s head off.  Orton fights him off and hits an RKO to leave him laying.  Punk comes out for the staredown while staying outside.  Orton snaps to attention and runs to the other side of the ring, punting Otunga as he gets up.  He did it so fast it was kind of hard to tell actually.  Replay shots the Punt looking great too.

Cole reveals his guest referee tonight.

Miz isn’t here tonight due to a lack of recognition.  That’s very true actually as it’s been about Rock vs. Cena.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

Is there a reason this is on Raw and not on Smackdown?  Albert has Brodus Clay with his which is always a good thing.  Brodus has a mic with him so I might as well get this ready now.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay

 

Alberto says they’re going to fight but not tonight.  First off he has to beat Brodus Clay.  Yep I was right.  Clay takes him down almost immediately but Christian reverses a slam attempt.  Unprettier doesn’t work at all and Brodus takes over with raw power.  That would be opposed to Smackdown power of course.

He locks in an armbar which is very logical here.  There’s that T-Bone suplex but a splash misses.  A pair of dropkicks takes Brodus down for two.  Christian reverses a powerslam and a Tornado DDT gets the Canadian the win at 2:45.  Too short to grade but this was a good power vs. speed match which is the best kind of match.

 

Del Rio puts Christian in the Cross Armbreaker post match.

 

Package on Sin Cara.  They’re making him out to look like a big deal which is a good sign.

The newest Hall of Fane inductee (along with Michaels, Duggan and Bullet Bob Armstrong) is Sunny.  Oh yes this should be happening.  She’s the original Diva and belongs in the Hall of Fame.  Not a bit of sarcasm in there.

Women’s Title: Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

 

The bell is after the break.  Gail Kim is here with Eve.  Eve starts all fired up and hammers away on Nikki including a bicycle kick.  Cole talks about going to be on New Year’s Eve and waking up on Christmas morning.  That’s how he feels about introducing his referee tonight.  Cole literally gets up on the table and grabs a mic, saying we need to end this because he wants to announce his referee.  Eve uses the bottom rope as a springboard to get an enziguri.  Twin Magic gets caught and a spinning neckbreaker gives eve the win at 3:12.

Rating: C. Even with the Cole stuff in there the whole time this wasn’t bad for the most part.  Eve dominated and thankfully they didn’t manage to make things look stupid with the Twin Magic getting by again.  It makes the referee and wrestlers look stupid so I’m glad it failed here.  Decent match here and pretty good for the most part.  Should be interesting to see where it goes from here too.

Snooki of Jersey Shore will be Guest Star next week.  Dang it all.

 

It’s time for Cole to introduce his referee.  He has a contract and whoever signs said contract will be the referee.  If that’s not a way to cause some issues I don’t know what is.  Cole talks about how he’s been a fan of this guy for years and how he’s a guy that’s going to call the show right down the middle.  The referee Cole has picked is a legendary Texan and the fans want to cheer him so let’s start the chant: AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!  Cole says he fooled us because the referee is none other than JBL!

JBL talks about how Texas is a failure now with no championships in a long time.  Bradshaw looks slim here.  He talks about how until now no one has ever debuted in the main event, so I guess Lawrence Taylor and Mr. T. no longer exist.  He says that he’ll be an impartial referee and will return to the main event.

CUE GLASS SHATTER just before JBL can sign the contract.  Cole hides behind JBL so it’s a Stunner from him.  Time to drink some beer!  Cole sounds like he’s about to cry on commentary.  Austin looks down at the contract and up at the Mania sign.  With Cole crying that Austin ruined his night, Austin signs the contract and is the referee.  Austin goes out to Cole and shakes his hand before pouring beer on his head.  Cole leaves with one of the funniest looks on his face that you’ll ever see.  JBL gets another Stunner.  Hilarious segment with Cole cracking me up the whole time.

Back and Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.

Jerry takes over on commentary.

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

 

Sheamus charges to start but gets taken down and to the floor by Bryan where Sheamus seems to have hurt his ankle.  That actually gets a countout at 1:11.  Uh, ok?  Sheamus grabs a mic and says he’s on a losing streak but he’ll end that next week by becoming US Champion.  He challenges Bryan and says if he loses he’ll quit.

HBK will speak again later.

R-Truth vs. CM Punk

 

Truth grabs a rollup almost immediately for two.  Punk sends him shoulder first into the post twice and make it three times.  Truth tries to fight back and manages to escape the GTS.  A Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice (the real one, not some random hold that is called the Anaconda Vice) ends this at 2:35.  Total squash so no rating.

Shawn talks some more about HHH vs. Taker.  He talks about how HHH can do a lot and can go straight evil at times, taking emotion out of the equation.  Evil isn’t an emotion but rather a way of life I guess so that makes sense.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and we take a break.

Snooki is still coming next week.  I was hoping that was a nightmare but it seems not to be.

Vickie is here and Ziggler is rehired on Raw.  No real shock there.

John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler

 

Vickie is on commentary here and apparently she isn’t dating Dolph anymore.  Dolph dropkicks Morrison to the floor where he holds his knee as we take a break.  Back with Dolph in control but Morrison makes a bit of a comeback, even hitting the Moonlight Drive.  That more or less ends the comeback though as Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the win at about 2:00 shown of 5:30.

Rating: D+. Can’t grade this fairly but it wasn’t much of a match.  Ziggler needed a win on his first match on the show so I can’t really complain much here.  Not much going on here as most of it was commercial.

E-Mail says that Dolph is hired, not Vickie.  She’s a polarizing figure but she can have a job if she beats Trish Stratus next week.  Security comes and takes her away.

 

We get the third clip of Rock’s promo last week.  Cena’s reply is next.

But first, a look at The Chaperone!

After a final piece of Rock’s promo, here’s Cena to deliver the Final Knockout.  Apparently he struck a nerve with Rock last week and Rock calls him various kinds of breakfast cereals.  Cena likes the schtick but apparently Rock doesn’t like rap.  So tonight, Cena will do it in hip hop.  I’ve always wanted to know what the difference is so this should be educational.  He talks about how Rock was reading off a teleprompter last week and how the only thing Rock is beating is himself.   Cena was here last week unlike Rock.  Rock is a disgrace and needs to just show up.  He says he’ll give Rock a pearl necklace, which he produces from his pocket.   Cena has another pocket, this time with Rock’s new shirt in it.  “I Bring It Via Satellite!”  That was good.  Cena says not to call him out again because that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Cena turns around and walks into a belt shot from Miz who leaves him laying.  It’s aboutt ime Miz gets involved like this.  He’s been left out in the cold which makes me think there’s no title change coming at Mania.  Cena staggers up and takes another shot.  Miz says he’s tired of being disrespected and every time Rock and Cena go at it, Miz leaves Cena laying.  Miz: “The Rock, John Cena, Randy Savage and Liz.  Steve Austin and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.”  Those might not be the right names but it’s the right rhyme.  Miz looks into the camera and tells Rock he’s the star of Mania.  He says he’ll take Rock’s glasses, his catchphrases, his father and his grandfather and shove them in Rock.  Skull Crushing Finale to Cena and a People’s Elbow ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was much better than last week.  There was an energy here and a lot happened on this show.  Knowing that next week we get a Trish match as well as potentially more Austin and Rock and JBL, this worked rather well.  Mania is taking shape and it’s very fun to see the people that come out of the woodwork for the build to this show.  This is a show where the wrestling being light is an exception when they pack so much stuff in as almost everything had a point and wasn’t rehashing already established stuff.  Good show and I’m looking forward to next week, which wasn’t the case 7 days ago.