IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Tazz, JBL, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Joey Styles

With another year comes not a lot of change. Orton is world champion here having taken out HHH for the belt at No Mercy in their first last man standing match. Tonight he takes on HBK in another of his random filler feuds before Cena gets back from injury. The Game is the other major player on Raw (shocking isn’t it?) as he’s feuding with Umaga for your Survivor Series match of the night.

Over on Smackdown, we only have one big match, but it’s a major one as Taker is challenging Batista for the world title in a Hell in a Cell match. If nothing else they’re keeping it big. Oh and one other thing: Hornswoggle is Vince’s son now.

Yes, that painfully stupid and bad storyline has finally begun as he’s already dropped the Cruiserweight Title because Vince doesn’t like small wrestlers. Finally, we have my boy Punk defending his ECW Title against the newly crowned tag team champions of Miz and Morrison. That should be good. Let’s get it started.

Hey, take a wild guess as to what the opening video is about. If you guessed Survival, you’re of about average intelligence as the show is called Survivor Series. If you guessed that it sucked, then you’ve been paying attention to my reviews. Yep, this is nothing of note. We’re starting with the ECW Title match, so the first two voices that we hear are Joey and Tazz. Surprisingly we don’t hear their colleagues yet, which is odd indeed.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk took the belt off of Morrison and Miz said he wanted it. That’s about all I’ve got for you here as far as a backstory since ECW back then was even less developed than it is now if you can believe that. Oh yeah. And they were thrown together on Smackdown (literally) and given a tag title shot because two guys that are thrown together that hate each other are light years ahead of all the other great tag teams on Smackdown right?

See what kind of shape the division was in around this time? Somehow this wasn’t even the worst it would be. However, these two would be pretty much the best team in a good long while and will likely be that for a good long while. Also, around this time there was a big thing about how Miz couldn’t wrestle. A buddy of mine and I said just give him time. I’m writing this in mid-October, two days after being completely blown away by a segment these two did at a Smackdown taping I was at.

Now as of this writing, it hasn’t made air in America yet. I’ll be most interested in seeing how many people are saying how awesome he is after that. Styles goes through all of the combinations that could result in Punk losing his title which is somewhere between interesting and filler. You might think that this is a handicap match, but it really isn’t. These two don’t get along yet and while they’ll double team for awhile, it’s usually very short indeed.

I’ve always loved that suicide dive that Punk does. He does the WHAT’S MY NAME thing that worked so well in ROH but never caught on in WWE. To be fair though, the crowd starts a big CM Punk chant. My goodness this guy was over. After beating on Punk as a team for awhile, Miz and Morrison break up again, maybe over one of them not doing the dishes or something. Good night Morrison does some amazing stuff out there.

He still does the same kind of stuff today but dang this was impressive stuff back then too. We get a glimpse of Miz vs. Morrison her but it’s nothing really that special. Punk hits a backbreaker that used to be called Welcome to Chicago M’Fer which has been changed for obvious reasons. Following some miscommunication from the new tag team, Punk hits the GTS on Miz for the pin.

Rating: B-. It got the crowd going a bit, but at the same time there was never any real drama in this at all. That’s fine though, as I don’t think there was really supposed to be. Sometimes you need to just have a match to get some ring time for the champion and have a decent match out of it. It makes the champion look stronger and saves the showdown for later on. This was just fine.

We get a recap of MVP hurting Matt’s leg and putting him out of the Survivor Series match later tonight. MVP had a big C on his outfit back then. He was CMVP. Oh that’s just awesome. Anyway, now we go to the back where some interviewer that I don’t recognize is talking to him. He’s REALLY bad on promos at this point.

Face Divas vs. Heel Divas

Faces: Mickie, Maria, Torrie, Michelle, Kelly
Heels: Beth, Jillian, Melina, Layla, Victoria

This is your token Diva match of the night. Torrie has what is now Tiffany’s music. Basically, around this time the only face Diva that can wrestle at all is Mickie. There’s no story here at all as this could just as easily have been on Raw. Thankfully this isn’t elimination style. We start with the almost too hot Victoria against Michelle. Ok, the Divas yelling at each other is REALLY annoying. Kelly is in essence in a swimsuit with sleeves.

To show the brilliance on display here, Torrie has Victoria down and leaves her there to run across the ring and get a tag. That’s tag wrestling 101 there and she can’t get that right. Even trying to pull Victoria back to Torrie’s corner would have worked. Whatever let’s just get this over with. Jillian is in now and for some reason rubs Kelly’s face in her chest. Wow. Anyway, we get the obligatory handspring elbow, which is the most impressive athletic maneuver there is.

It’s so impressive that nearly every Diva does it. Dang will you STOP WITH THE FREAKING SCREAMS? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW FREAKING ANNOYING IT WOULD BE TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT SCREAMED EVERY TIME THEY OPENED THEIR FREAKING MOUTH? IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING….never mind. JR actually makes a bit of a comparison of Kelly and the Great Muta. I’m at a lost for keystrokes. All of the heels are wearing some form of red. Is that some messed up team unity thing?

Mickie comes in and attempts to save this match. Mickie hits the sexiest move in wrestling history, The Long Kiss Goodnight, to get the win. It was a move where she grabbed the other girl’s hair and actually bent her back and kissed her before kicking her in the face. Why do I have a feeling that’s Norcal’s dream date? Oh and Michelle fell out during the match. Nothing special.

Rating: D. That’s half of what this match was all about. The other letter is also D. Yep, this was all about looks here. If you don’t believe me, look at Kelly and Maria’s outfits. They’re just there for looks and nothing more. This was just bad and showed how awful the majority of the women were at the time. At least it was short and the girls looked good.

Orton says he’ll win.

Shawn says he’ll win. Well I’m glad they’re in agreement that he’ll win. Shawn looks stoned here and actually swears. That’s surprising.

Raw Tag Titles: Cade and Murdoch vs. Holly and Rhodes

Please…make it short. This was the token title feud of the month as the faces were thrown together over respect or something and instantly were number one contenders. The problem with the tag title picture was simple: Miz and Morrison were thrown together and won the tag belts. Holly and Rhodes were thrown together and won the tag belts. Do I need to explain why this was such a complete and utter failure for so long?

The reunification has helped a good bit lately, but they’re still in desperate need of help. With a roster as big as they have, it really wouldn’t be hard to get a few teams together and put some stories out there. Think of all the guys on the roster that never do anything but could have decent matches. The stuff is there, trust me.

Could Cade be any more generic? Hey! Buy Armageddon so we can validate our completely stupid PPV schedule. Holly and Rhodes won a triple threat vs. Londrick and the Highlanders to get here on Heat of all places. DAng it’s weird to see Rhodes as such a rookie like this. Rhodes and Cade start us off. Rhodes has bulked up a bit since this.

Rhodes literally slaps Murdoch on the back. That sounded sick too. Holly in now who takes down Murdoch. Holly does his low kick that isn’t really low but really looks like it is while the other guy is on the ropes. The champions are in trouble here. Double teaming gets the advantage back to the rednecks.

Cade takes Holly down to prevent he tag as this is just DRAGGING. There’s no reason for this to be on PPV but it is anyway because that’s how tag wrestling in this company works. There’s your heel miscommunication so that Rhodes can come in. And then that doesn’t work as he hits a missile dropkick for two and walks into Melina’s finisher (the sunset bomb thing) from Murdoch to retain.

Rating: D. This was just bad. Just like the match before it, there was no need to have it on PPV. Neither team stands out at all and there’s just nothing special about it. It’s not any good at all so there’s no way to say it’s anything but bad by default. Horrible match and everything that’s wrong with tag wrestling in this era. Holly and Rhodes would get the titles a few weeks later.

Team HHH says that they’re going to do some terrible things to the other team. In a very funny bit, Kane and Jeff mention all the things that HHH has done to them over the years. That’s just amusing. Jeff is taller than I thought he was.

After a too short to tell what’s going on recap of the Survivor Series match, we’re ready to go.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio
Umaga, Big Daddy V, Kennedy, Finlay, MVP

Matt is injured remember, so it’s starting as a handicap match.

I love the way Justin Roberts talks. In what cracked me up, Kennedy comes out to do his standard intro and the mic doesn’t work. About halfway through it kicks on mid word. That’s just hilarious. Big Daddy V is in desperate need of a shirt. MVP needs to bring back the counting part of his music. It’s so much better that way. Let’s see: the most successful heel here is….MVP I guess? Maybe Umaga?

On the other side, we have four former/future world champions. Oh yeah this is going to be a great contest here. Kane’s pyro is some of the loudest stuff you will ever hear in your life. It’s insanely loud. Rey’s song really is catchy when it’s all you’re hearing in the arena. Jeff has his old music here. The start of his singles run would be in less than two months as he would fight Orton for the title at the Rumble. He’s IC Champion here.

Oh yeah the feuds. HHH vs. Umaga, Kane vs. BDV, Jeff vs. no one in particular, Rey vs. Finlay, Matt vs. MVP so I guess Jeff gets Kennedy and MVP by default. We’re now at ten minutes of entrances. We start off with Kennedy and Rey, so an overrated guy that’s good but nowhere near as good as he is made out to be vs. Kennedy. This is pretty decent stuff here as Kennedy for once gets to show what he can do, which isn’t bad.

He’s not the next Austin but he’s not bad at all. Rey does in essence the same move that Murdoch won with earlier, using that pesky thing known as the right way. JR says that Hardy has D. Wade like hang time. That just doesn’t sound right at all. BDV comes in to beat on Hardy for awhile since we need jobbers out there for awhile.

We move on to Kane vs. BDV which was a feud at the moment, so look for a big pinfall here. Kane hits the big clothesline from the top to put him down for a bit as this is really just no sell theater.

Following a little interference from Finlay the Samoan Drop ends the Big Red Machine to make it 5-3. Again, Kane jobs. Some things never change. The facebuster from HHH simply couldn’t miss more than it does here. We get HHH vs. Umaga here, which I guess was supposed to be a big deal? It’s just coming off as weak to me, but whatever.

After HHH (which I accidentally spelled as HGH for a bit there in a funny moment) gets beaten down, Rey comes in and after making Umaga look ridiculously bad, goes out to the Spike, leaving us with 5-2. I can smell the comeback coming from a mile away. We start this part with Jeff vs. Kennedy, which would have been an interesting feud had various things not happened. After a missed Drive By, Jeff gets a quick Twist of Fate to make it 4-2.

Kennedy is taken out after something that looks like it came out of a Three Stooges short with all of the blunders by the heels. HHH gets the pin. We move on to Viscera vs. HHH since I guess the fat man had to get something done that night. A double DDT takes him out to get us to 2-2 and you can see the ending coming from here. In probably the biggest thing of his career, Finlay beats on HHH for awhile before the tag to Hardy brings the crowd back a bit.

Once the terrible twosome were all that was left, this match started going downhill fast. This needs to end, like now. After a lot of token offense from Finlay, HHH comes in and takes care of Finlay. Cole tries to build Finlay as an equal to HHH. That’s just amusing. About 44 seconds later, the Pedigree leads to the Swanton which leads to the end of this way too long match. The face team of the gods celebrate for awhile before we’re done.

Rating: C-. This is a tale of two grades here. Before we got down to the final two faces, this was pretty good. After that, the whole thing just fell apart because there was zero chance that the faces weren’t both going to survive. Kane and Rey were just filler out there and everyone knew it. The first part is good, the second part is just bland. It got Jeff over though, which was the main goal of the whole thing.

Vince tells Horny not to die. That’s just funny.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

You know the story so let’s get this over with. Vince and Shane are with Horny here. When I grow up, I want to be one of Runjin Singh’s sideburns. They do the rule thing just to add more hijinks to this. The fans chant We Want Shaq. Ok then. Oh yeah this is Miami when Shaq was on the Heat. That makes sense now. Oh and Shaq is in the front row. See what happens when I pay attention? Vince grabs a mic and says he doesn’t care what the fans want.

At least he’s honest. Horny runs once Khali screams at him. For some reason he spits mist at Singh who doesn’t do anything but stand there with a what the heck look on his face. Well thanks for that buddy. The club that Horny grabs is knocked away and then Khali smacks him. This needs to end like now.

The joke is over and has been for a long time. Just as I say that, Finlay runs out and hits Khali with the club to make the save for the DQ. The fact that Finlay would be revealed as the real father was about as obvious as possible at this point.

Rating: N/A. It was a joke, not a match.

We hit the recap button on HBK vs. Orton. This is pretty simple. Orton was on a punting spree and one of his first targets was Michaels. The night after Orton beat HHH at No Mercy there was this big ceremony for him which ended in Shawn returning in what was a cool moment. They had a match at Cyber Sunday where Orton got himself disqualified. That led to this, where Shawn can’t use the superkick and Orton can lose the belt via DQ. That’s about it.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Lillian looks great with her hair pulled back. Ross takes a small shot at FOX News, so at least some things never change. Orton hasn’t started hearing voices yet. Oh and the belt still spins. This is Shawn’s second PPV in 5 months. Shocking isn’t it that he more or less took the summer off after Mania. He would never do anything like that again would he? Dang that spinning belt looks like crap. It’s scary that today the belt looks about 100x better.

We get the old school ceremony of the referee checking the boots and pads etc. I love the little things like that because they can enhance a match so much. Shawn starts off with a lockup known as a Crevate. Now most of you have likely never heard of that. It’s a European style headlock but not quite. More or less you look like you’re setting for a snapmare but you grip like it’s a headlock. It’s really a cool idea and there’s a lot of stuff you can go with from that position.

Chris Hero is well known for using a ton of varieties of things like it. They go to a LONG headlock/front chancery sequence that has the crowd on the edge of unconsciousness. Finally we hit the floor for a bit where Shawn hits a picture perfect Asai Moonsault to knock Orton down. The commentators try to argue that Shawn is using a different style here because he’s not allowed to use the kick. That makes ZERO sense.

Think about it. Shawn’s finishing move is a kick to the head. What kind of setup does that require? All it takes is one second and some accuracy and he’ll knock you out. It’s not a wear down move like a figure four where going for it immediately makes no sense. It’s a move that can be hit from nowhere. Think of the Iron Man match.

He hit back to back kicks from nowhere to win his first world title. Here’s your “it’s Survivor Series so Shawn has to reference Montreal with a Sharpshooter” Sharpshooter. This has been all Shawn so far. Say it with me: as I type that Orton takes over.

Orton is very boring. That’s all there is to it. However, since he looks like a statue and can cut decent promos, Vince decides to keep putting him in big matches with this ridiculous Viper gimmick which more or less consists of him sliding around the ring before the RKO. It’s an excuse for not having to come up with something creative. Orton vs. Cena and HHH is about as boring of a pair of feuds as you’re ever going to find.

JR then has the nerve to say that this is a pure wrestling match. No Jim, it’s really not. This is a match that has an extra gimmick added to it because no one in their right mind believed that HBK would lose to Orton without it. Orton is just flat out awful in this gimmick of his and something needs to be changed, fast. Naturally, that means that Orton will be the same guy going into Mania 30. Oh look it’s a chinlock. What is the appeal of this?

To be fair, Orton is a bit better now, but around this time he was just flat out boring. Now he’s just mostly boring. Ok, for the love of goodness, WE GET THAT ORTON’S DAD IS IN THE HALL OF FAME! He was a horrible character and did nothing of note, ever. He’s another great example of the Hall of Fame being a complete joke. Anyway, Shawn initiates the ending sequence but gets dropkicked with one of three moves Orton can actually do really well.

In what’s a pretty cool move, Shawn sets for the superkick and fakes Orton out to get him to drop down so Shawn can hook a small package. That was really smart and makes perfect sense. In something that really surprises me, Shawn uses a crossface. This is a mere four months after Benoit and in the middle of the investigation into his death. I guess that this was before the whole thing came out. Michaels goes even crazier by putting on an ankle lock. Man he’s going nuts here.

He gets the heel hook but Orton gets out. DAng , Orton is better with submission than Lesnar is. Something occurs to me. If Orton gets disqualified, HBK gets the belt right? Why doesn’t Shawn get one of his buddies to come out and blast him with a chair or something? Man this face thing getting in the way of something that makes sense.

As he goes for a figure four, Shawn is kicked into the post. After a very brief counter, the RKO ends it. Afterwards Orton yells at Shawn and picks him up, naturally getting kicked in the head before Shawn leaves. Well that was a pretty basic ending.

Rating: D+. I get that some people would like this match, but I just could not get into it at all. There’s no drama, there’s one decent looking spot with the moonsault, there are tons of dead spots, and the whole thing just falls short. There just was no reason at all to watch this, plain and simple. They weren’t going to put the belt on Shawn so quick. Earlier tonight in the Punk match you had a good match that was a token defense.

This is the same, but this was far more boring. It’s a great example of a good match like this and a bad one. Jericho would come back in less than a month to save Raw and have more bland matches with Orton. Vince, get it through your head: two surefire hall of fame wrestlers in Jericho and Shawn can only pull ok matches out of Orton. That simply can’t be a coincidence.

Recap of Batista vs. Taker: they’ve fought a bunch of times and split most of them, but they just think the other is a swell guy. Yep, that’s about it.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Remember this is Hell in a Cell. Taker is the challenger here. JBL actually does some good analysis of what both guys need to do to win. He then ruins that by saying “oh that’s a clothesline!” Well thanks for that great brilliance there Johnny boy. Naturally Batista isn’t afraid of Taker. Less than three minutes in we have a chair brought in from under the ring. Or would it be out from under the ring? Whatever. Taker controls the majority of the opening part of the match.

Batista takes a chair shot to the throat and has some faint blood from his mouth. I know there’s not much being said here but the opening to this is solid which makes it difficult to make fun of. They’re trying to play up the experience/skill of Taker vs. pure power of Batista. That’s not a bad idea at all. As usual the rules of where you can pin someone here change per match, but I’d assume that it’s only in the ring. Cole implies it’s falls count anywhere.

They’re focusing a lot more on wrestling here than violence, which is fine. There’s certainly more than one way to have a good cell match and this is one of those options. Taker gets the Triangle Choke and Batista starts waving his arm and slapping the mat which looks a lot like tapping to me. He gets the ropes which apparently is a rope break. Even the announcers say that’s not correct. Batista is bleeding horribly.

After Batista gets some weapons shots in to take control, he gets caught in the Last Ride for two. This is a good match. The chokeslam gets two. He goes for the Tombstone but Batista does the leg wiggle of doom to get out and hit a spinebuster to take over again. A table is brought in as I begin to think: do those really help? I mean think about it. They kind of break your fall.

When you’re in a move like a powerbomb or something, the impact of the move is based on the amount of momentum built up when you’re coming down right? Well if there’s a table there blocking your way, doesn’t it stop a lot of the momentum? The impact of going through the table would hurt, but since you keep going anyway, it’s not going to hurt that much. Think of it like this: what hurts worse, taking a short ride and falling through a table, or taking a long ride and landing on something solid?

It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but I guess it can look good or something like that. Now we get to something else that’s kind of stupid. Batista sets up the table and hits a regular powerbomb through it (they call it the Batista Bomb but I can let that one go). If he had Taker that weakened, why not just hit the regular Batista Bomb and not give Taker the extra recovery time? Batista kicks out of the Tombstone, which makes him the second guy ever (Shawn at Mania 25) to kick out of all three finishers.

Shawn took it a step further though as he got out of Hell’s Gate as well. A Tombstone of the stairs should do it but the cameraman pulls the referee out and of course it’s Edge, returning from whatever injury he was out with. A camera shot to the head of Taker followed by a conchairto and Batista keeps the belt. Seriously, that’s the ending? Edge posing takes us out.

Rating: A-. This was a very good match until the ending. These guys have some solid chemistry together and showed it off tonight. Most Cell matches have zero story to them but this one did, which goes to show that you can have good wrestling and storytelling in a match like this and include weapons and blood.

That’s a big flaw in a lot of gimmick matches today: they forget they’re wrestling and just have high spots. Edge interfering really brings this down though as I wanted a clean win for someone. This was very good though and easily the best match at Survivor Series in a good while.

Overall Rating: B-. This is another example of a show where the grades don’t give an accurate representation of the whole show. I know I graded a lot of them low, but at the same time the whole show turned out to be pretty good I thought. The main event helped a lot as it was an excellent match. It goes to show you what a main event is capable of.

I know some people are going to think I’m an idiot for my Shawn vs. Orton grade, but the issue I have is simple: it was overbooked. Seriously, does a guy like Shawn need gimmicks in order to get over? You tell him how long he has and the finish and let him take care of the rest. The show certainly isn’t bad, but it’s hardly a classic. Batista and Taker is worth going out of your way to see, but while the rest is certainly good, it’s not must see. Recommended though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 9, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe

We are less than two weeks away from Survivor Series and that means it is time to find something to talk about for the show. So much of the build is spent on the Raw vs. Smackdown elimination match and there is almost nothing else going on. That doesn’t make for the most thrilling shows and unfortunately I don’t know if WWE is going to do much to fix it. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton attacking Drew McIntyre last week with the Fiend being somewhere on the outside looking in.

Opening sequence.

Here are Miz and John Morrison for MizTV. Miz is excited about tonight’s six man main event when the two of them team with Randy Orton against Drew McIntyre and New Day. Big things are happening, and Morrison thinks that might mean cashing in the briefcase. That’s a possibility, but also that Miz and Mrs. debuts this week. Miz wants to bring out the guests but here’s Orton to interrupt.

Orton isn’t happy because he wants to get his hands on McIntyre but now Miz is teasing cashing in the briefcase. He remembers the time when he threw Miz out of the locker room and then Miz went down to wrestle in the minor leagues. Orton turns his back on them and says try it but Miz says Orton needs to stop making it about himself.

It could go big for all three of them, because Miz and Morrison could get a Tag Team Title shot after tonight’s main event. Cue New Day to laugh off the idea and get in, where Orton hits a RKO on Kofi and Woods is sent outside. McIntyre runs in but gets hit with the briefcase and an RKO. Total mentions of the Hurt Business, who pinned New Day last week, or Orton’s match with Roman Reigns at Survivor Series for that matter: zero.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: Riddle vs. Elias vs. Jeff Hardy

For the final spot on the team. Before the match, Elias talks about how he had a vision of becoming the final member of the team. For now though, he is going to sing a song and looks towards the entrance for the interruption. He does it a few more times and then starts, which finally draws out Jeff’s entrance. I chuckled a bit, which is destroyed as soon as I see that it’s actually Riddle instead of Matt Riddle.

They trade rollups to start until Riddle is sent to the apron. Elias knocks him outside and posts Riddle before running Jeff over. We take a break and come back with Elias hammering on both of them until Hardy hits back to back atomic drops. A quick Drift Away gets two on Hardy with Riddle diving in to make the save. Riddle kicks Elias down for two but can’t get Bro Derek on Jeff. Instead Elias knocks Jeff to the floor and it’s the Bro Derek to finish Elias at 8:49.

Rating: C-. Riddle (erg) is the best choice of the ones they had available here but it’s not like the Survivor Series match has any heat on it. I know this kind of thing happens every year but there is just nothing going on with this year’s version. I’m not sure how much better they can make it with just a few shows to go, but Riddle getting on the team helps a bit.

AJ Styles is in the back and says of course he’s happy with Riddle being on the team. Sheamus comes in to say he doesn’t like this. Styles is NOT his captain, and here’s Braun Strowman to say the same.

Retribution talks about how they respect Ricochet but the team has been forgotten. They were never given the chance and they will not stop until they shut you down. Noted. Now go lose again.

We look at the Hurt Business beating New Day last week.

Drew Gulak comes up to the Hurt Business and offers his services because the 24/7 Title could make the team that much better. MVP: “Are you serious?” They find out that Drew is wearing a clip on tie, which is due to needing to be ready to run to protect the title. The beating is on in a hurry….and here’s R-Truth to get the title back.

Veterans Day video.

Lana vs. Shayna Baszler

Lana looks scared to come to the ring and we see a montage of her being put through the announcers’ table time after time. Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke are on commentary. Lana jumps on Shayna’s back to start and gets kneed in the corner for her efforts. Shayna throws her around again but misses another knee in the corner. That means a kick to the face and the stomp to the arm connects. Another knee into the Kirifuda Clutch makes Lana tap at 1:50. As expected.

Post match Nia Jax loads up the announcers’ table but Mandy and Dana scare Shayna and Nia off. I’m having a bit of trouble buying that as realistic.

Post break Lana thanks Mandy and Dana, who tell her to stay out of their way.

Here’s AJ Styles for a Survivor Series team meeting. AJ, with his large friend, brings out the rest of the team (Keith Lee, Riddle Braun Strowman and Sheamus) and the arguments are on in a hurry. Strowman threatens to let Sheamus have these hands so Sheamus says bring it. Riddle says that AJ is the skipper, Lee (Riddle: “Happy birthday Keith!”) is Bro Lee and Sheamus is Fire Face, because his face gets rid. Sheamus: “So what’s your code name? Dopey?” Riddle: “Yeah!”

AJ cuts this off and says what they’re up against on Smackdown. Sheamus should be worried about Jey Uso and if Strowman isn’t paying attention, he’ll bow down to King Corbin. This gets their attention but they don’t like AJ saying he’s captain. AJ says he’s talked to Adam Pearce and tonight it’s Sheamus/Strowman vs. Riddle/Lee with himself as guest referee. Saxton: “This is going to be a catastrophe. This is never going to work.”

Keith Lee/Riddle vs. Sheamus/Braun Strowman

AJ Styles is guest referee and Sheamus bounces off of Lee to start. Riddle comes in to strike away in the corner but Sheamus drives him into the other corner to take over. Strowman comes in to step on Riddle’s hair and it’s already back to Sheamus to hammer away. AJ yells at Sheamus for getting too violent and Riddle accidentally knocks him down. Back up and Riddle does it again, meaning it’s time for Lee and Strowman to get in a fight of their own.

The large friend gets in the ring and we take a break. Back with Strowman chinlocking Riddle before hitting him with a toss suplex. Strowman’s charge hits post though (he never learns) and it’s Lee coming in for running splashes in the corner. Sheamus is thrown into Strowman and it’s a Spirit Bomb to put Riddle onto Sheamus in a crash. A heck of a clothesline drops Strowman for two but Sheamus is back with a jumping knee to Lee.

The Brogue Kick puts Lee on the floor but Riddle grabs a German suplex for two on Sheamus. Riddle goes after Strowman on the apron though and it’s Sheamus running him over again. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Strowman tags himself in and throws Riddle around some more. The running powerslam is loaded up, though this time it’s Sheamus tagging himself in. A Brogue Kick knocks Sheamus off the apron and it’s a rollup to give Riddle the pin on Sheamus at 12:24.

Rating: C. This is rapidly approaching the levels of Money in the Bank for most pointless wastes of time in all of the WWE calendar. The matches aren’t bad but we’re sitting here watching these people argue over who is captain in a match where they can’t get physical with their opponents in a match over brand supremacy. If this is the best they can come up with for Survivor Series, maybe it’s time to come up with a very new concept for the pay per view.

Post match Lee and Riddle show some respect.

Alexa Bliss is playing with some flowers in the back when Nikki Cross comes up. She apologizes for not being there when Bliss needed her but Bliss says she’ll get Cross an invitation to the Fun House for a play date. Cross says Fiend is evil and it’s time to pick either her or the Fiend. Bliss blows flowers in her face and picks Fiend before walking away smiling. If Nikki didn’t get the hint before this, that’s not going to change her mind.

Next week: Hurt Business gets a Tag Team Title shot against New Day. Well at least they addressed it.

Here are MVP and Bobby Lashley to, believe it or not, talk about Survivor Series. MVP talks about the champion vs. champion match, where Lashley is going to show that the United States Title is superior to the Intercontinental Title. Lashley didn’t hear Sami talking on Smackdown because Sami knows what is going to happen at Survivor Series.

Cue Titus O’Neil of all people to interrupt, because he isn’t happy that his offer to join the Hurt Business was turned down. MVP says he respects O’Neil for his charity work and as a result he has a chance to walk away right now. Titus says he isn’t leaving and gets fired up to ask where the pride is in being US Champion if he won’t defend the title. Lashley says Titus can have a shot, but it’s going to be his first and last.

US Title: Titus O’Neil vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and MVP says this is taking place above the ring rather than beneath it. Titus unloads on Lashley in the corner but Lashley runs him over. The Hurt Lock goes on and Titus taps at 1:08.

Sheamus rants about what happened in the tag match to Drew McIntyre. He can’t stand anyone on his team almost as much as he despises New Day. Drew does the clap and Sheamus calls him a lunatic. They talk about the old days when they teamed together and agree to have some pints together later.

Asuka vs. Nia Jax

Non-title. Before the match, we got to the back where Nia and Shayna Baszler argue over who the team leader is (AGAIN) with Nia saying she’ll dominate Survivor Series and then beat Asuka to become Raw Women’s Champion. The rest of the Raw women’s team is at ringside. Asuka starts fast with an Octopus hold into an armbar but Nia takes her to the floor. That means a swing into the barricade to drop Asuka hard and we take a break. Back with Asuka grabbing a guillotine choke but getting reversed into a suplex.

The running splash in the corner gets two on Asuka, who has to bridge out of the near fall. Asuka’s hurricanrana gives her two of her own and there’s the running hip attack for one. Nia is right back with a powerbomb but gets a little too cocky with the cover, allowing Asuka to grab a cross armbreaker. Lana and Baszler get on the apron with Baszler grabbing the Clutch so Asuka hip attacks both of them. The Samoan drop is loaded up but Asuka reverses into the Asuka Lock, drawing in Baszler for the DQ at 7:26.

Rating: C. This was every Nia match you’ve seen with someone trying to slay the giant. That has been the case for months now and it is probably going to be the case with every match Jax will be doing for months, because it’s all she does. I like Asuka a lot, but I feel like I’ve seen this same match from Nia since she was down in NXT. Find something new, because the impact is gone.

Post match Nia and Shayna clean house and it’s another Samoan drop to put Lana through the announcers’ table (eight). Nia says Lana should quit because she’s dragging the team down.

We look back at the opening segment.

R-Truth is defending the 24/7 Title in a seven way match, which he calls a 24/7 Title Seven Camera DQ Photo Shoot. After a quick correction, he wants to know what he’s supposed to do with the clip on tie.

Andrade says he is going to fight for every woman when he gets in the ring. This one woman though should get everything that he wants though and has a rose for her.

24/7 Title: R-Truth vs. Drew Gulak vs. Tucker vs. Erik vs. Lince Dorado vs. Gran Metalik vs. Akira Tozawa

Truth is defending and gets jumped to start. Everyone else brawls and Tozawa rolls Truth up to win the title at 28 seconds.

Post match Erik wins the title.

Gulak wins the title.

Tucker wins the title.

Gulak wins the title.

Tucker wins the title.

Gulak and Truth go after the title and the brawl breaks out until Metalik hits a top rope elbow to win the title.

Dorado turns on Metalik to win the title.

Truth wins the title and runs off.

Mustafa Ali vs. Ricochet

They go right at it to start with an exchange of early strikes. Ricochet starts flipping around and gets knocked down, meaning it’s off to an early chinlock. Back up and Ricochet scores with a backdrop but gets sent out to the apron. Ricochet pulls Ali out there with him and hits a headscissors to the floor. The rest of Retribution glares at Ricochet and Ali grabs a running….well we’re not sure as they couldn’t wait one more second before going to a break.

Back with Ricochet fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught with a running neckbreaker for two. Ricochet fights out of another chinlock and rolls some northern lights suplexes. He keeps spinning into a brainbuster for two and takes Ali up top, only to get caught in a super Backstabber (geez) for two more. Ricochet is back up with a reverse hurricanrana but goes up top for a very corkcrewy give onto Retribution. The Phoenix splash misses though and Ali grabs a Koji Clutch to knock Ricochet out at 13:57.

Rating: B-. Hokey freaking smoke Retribution won a match. I mean it only took five people to beat one and it was because Ricochet went after the team instead of going for the win but they did manage to win. That’s as good as you can get for Retribution here and somehow it’s a step in the right direction.

Adam Pearce tells Randy Orton that he is defending the title against Drew McIntyre next week on Raw. Orton shoves him up against the wall and says since Pearce is just a messenger, he can tell the staff to go to h***.

Randy Orton/Miz/John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre/New Day

Morrison and Woods start things off with a quick double team putting Morrison down. Miz comes in and gets taken down as well, sending him over to Orton for a tag, though Orton is not exactly interested. Instead it’s back to Morrison, who gets taken down with a standing stomp. Everything breaks down and Miz and Morrison are sent to the floor. The big double dive takes them down again (though Woods seemed to get caught in the ropes and might not have made contact whatsoever).

Back from a break with Morrison hitting an Alberto double stomp to drive Woods into the apron. Morrison hits something like a Samoan drop on Woods so Miz comes back in, only to still not get a tag from Orton. The delay lets Woods fight up and bring in McIntyre to clean house. A double overhead belly to belly suplex sends Miz and Morrison flying, followed by the Future Shock to Morrison.

McIntyre stares down at Orton and begs him to make his day. Orton teases tagging in but walks away instead. Morrison hits a crazy flip dive onto Woods but the Flying Chuck is knocked out of the air with the Glasgow Kiss. The Claymore pins Morrison at 13:26, with McIntyre glaring at Orton during the cover.

Rating: C-. This was the latest match in a series tonight with very low stakes, if there were any there whatsoever. I know they’re teasing tensions between Miz and Orton, but unless that cash-in is taking place really soon (and to be fair it may be), I’m not sure how much interest there was in having these people fight. Orton vs. McIntyre has been set up for months now, while New Day and Hurt Business, who have a title match next week, didn’t even look at each other tonight. That should be an easy one, but I guess teasing a cash-in which might not come for months is more important.

Overall Rating: D. I know Raw is bad a lot more often than not, but this was a rare example where I really felt like I wasted my time. The wrestling was acceptable all night long and none of the matches were terrible (Ricochet vs. Ali was good) but I have no idea what almost any of this did to make me want to watch next week’s show or Survivor Series.

The Raw team is fighting over who is the real leader, and in case you haven’t heard that story enough, Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax are having the exact same argument. Riddle is now on the team, though is there any actual interest in that match? Lashley talked a bit of trash about Sami Zayn and then squashed Titus O’Neil. Lana has now been put through eight tables by Jax, but I’m sure that big moment where she does it once will be worth it. The main event was just there, as they desperately try to make me care about Money in the Bank and fail more miserably every time.

Survivor Series was mentioned in passing a few times and Fiend was nowhere in sight. It’s like Survivor Series is this weird pit stop they have to make on the way to their next show, and that is the case with far too many pay per views this year. Either find a better way to present Survivor Series or just make it whatever other generic pay per view your team of 38 writers come up with in ten seconds, because this is approaching Money in the Bank levels of wasting my time.

Results

Riddle b. Elias and Jeff Hardy – Bro Derek to Elias

Shayna Baszler b. Lana – Kirifuda Clutch

Riddle/Keith Lee b. Sheamus/Braun Strowman – Rollup to Sheamus

Bobby Lashley b. Titus O’Neil – Hurt Lock

Asuka b. Nia Jax via DQ when Shayna Baszler interfered

Akira Tozawa b. R-Truth, Tucker, Drew Gulak, Erik, Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik – Rollup to R-Truth

Mustafa Ali b. Ricochet – Koji Clutch

Drew McIntyre/New Day b. Miz/John Morrison/Randy Orton – Claymore to Morrison

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another match of note on the show is Mickie James challenging Lita for the Women’s Championship in what would be Lita’s final match. Combining this with Trish Stratus leaving just a few months earlier, the Divas division was in a huge state of flux with the two biggest stars it ever had leaving in the span of a few months. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Legends: Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Spirit Squad: Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad (a group of male cheerleaders) still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler, so I’ll spare you from an explanation. Kenny is the only other one that stuck around after the team split up anyway.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Ron beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch (the other cheerleader) gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s Flair time and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow on Nicky for the immediate elimination, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with a handful of jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. There was also some nonsense about Eddie’s estate which didn’t going anywhere.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the rope. Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the swan dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the dive miss, sending Chris’ head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the frog splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the swan dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending and slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far. The fans think Lita is a crack w****. Their words, not mine.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. Off to a sleeper from Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes. Again, their words not mine. Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two. Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for the ending with Lita’s head bouncing off the mat. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with the box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s underwear so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s massager. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Team DX: Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Team Rated-RKO: Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is Intercontinental Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox, a big power guy with a beard, has a chick named Kelly Kelly with him at the moment and she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Tag Team Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it but Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here people. Off to Jeff who works on Nitro’s arm to continue their recent feud.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and the fans are very pleased. Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but it’s kind of a questionable ending when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Kennedy is a very loud guy that likes to challenge legends and would become Mr. Anderson in TNA. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Undertaker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Undertaker has had in years. It’s a first blood match tonight because Kennedy busted Undertaker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Undertaker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP (think Deion Sanders) comes up and notices the Vaseline on Kennedy’s forehead. I guess the referee isn’t watching the interview.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but Undertaker punches him down as soon as they get back inside. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announcers’ table with Undertaker in total control. We head to the crowd and Undertaker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Undertaker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Undertaker so far. We head back in and Undertaker busts out a superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but shouldn’t Undertaker be going for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it hasn’t been mentioned in any first blood match I’ve ever seen. Kennedy hits Undertaker low but Undertaker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Undertaker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Undertaker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Undertaker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone. It winds up hitting Undertaker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Undertaker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Undertaker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former World Champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former World Champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Undertaker post match but Undertaker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Undertaker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team so I think you can guess the crowd reactions. Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga, a Samoan and formerly Jamal of 3 Minute Warning is still undefeated and a monster. Finlay is an Irish brawler.

Naturally Cena is booed out of the building by the hardcore crowd. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena getting knocked to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irishman for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with his club so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in between.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Hornswoggle again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Batista’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he believes is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending of course. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via DQ so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Also the ruling said Booker loses if he gets counted out. It said nothing about him losing by countout so would a draw give Batista the title? Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before sling shotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Egads now I’m thinking like Michael Cole. Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title but it’s not clear. A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. That’s how the show ends: not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the World Title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, JBL, Michael Cole

It’s the 20th show in case you were wondering for some bizarre reason that I can’t comprehend. With the 2006 show, the only real difference is the induction of ECW into the company. It brings the third brand and at this point is still complete with the Originals and Heyman etc. Also there are some new faces such as Johnny Nitro (Morrison), Punk, MVP and Kennedy.

There are three Survivor Series matches here and the main event is Booker vs. Batista which had been done about a million times already but they figured what the heck we might as well do it again. Other than that, there’s not a lot here that jumps off the page at me.

Oh DX is here again as they’re feuding with Rated RKO, having just finished fighting Vince and Shane. Other than that, there’s just not a lot here. It looks kind of generic but sometimes cards like that are best. Here we go again as we’re very close to wrapping this series up.

The intro video is about as bland as you can get, but in this case it’s actually working. They talk very briefly about how this is the 20th Survivor Series and a new generation is here, followed by a quick build up for all seven matches. There’s not a lot here but it’s a nice change of pace from all of the stupid videos about Survival that we’ve heard for the last two or three years. After the four (ECW is left out) commentators talk about their show’s big matches, we’re ready to go.

Spirit Squad vs. Legends

The Spirit Squad is comprised of Kenny Dykstra, Johnny Jeter who was pretty awesome in OVW, a short guy named Mikey, and a guy named Nick, who would eventually be known as Dolph Ziggler. Spellcheck has never heard the name Dolph? Has it never seen Rocky 4? That’s just sad. Anyway, there’s also a 5th guy on the outside that never did anything. On the other side we have Arn Anderson on the floor with Dusty Rhodes, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons (really?) and Ric Flair in the ring.

Apparently Simmons was supposed to be Roddy Piper but he had been diagnosed with cancer so naturally he couldn’t wrestle. Ok in that case it’s a bit better. Naturally this is over the respect for the old timers thing which is about as basic of a storyline that will almost always work as you could ask for. Dusty comes out to his American Dream music so I’m happy. Simmons is rocking the catchphrase shirt and the APA music.

Anderson comes out to the Horsemen theme, so this is officially a cool show. Dang that music is awesome. I really love kayfabe as Flair and Anderson have tried to cripple Dusty at least half a dozen times over the years yet now they’re his partners. That could only work in wrestling. The Spirit Squad were a bunch of male cheerleaders. Yep, that’s about all that needs to be said. It amuses me greatly to see Ziggler in there looking like that.

We start out with Simmons against Mikey, because that’s a great way to open up a PPV. Ross says there’s an unlimited amount of combinations that could occur. Actually there are sixteen combinations that could happen while the match is still going on, but who am I to question the great mathematician known as Jim Ross? Ron beats down the whole heel team but gets tripped and goes after Kenny.

After he and Arn beat up Mikey, he’s counted out despite the referee never actually saying ten. Well I guess that’s as good of a way to get rid of him as any other, but I would have liked it to have lasted longer than two minutes. Mitch the manager gets thrown out too so there we go. Arn gets the same and I want to massacre that referee. This is kind of overkill here and even the fans are chanting bull.

When you can get a Philly crowd to cheer for you, you have officially won. On a replay we see that Anderson beat up Mitch. So wait, he can get thrown out for beating on someone not even in the match? What sense does that even begin to make? If your answer is none at all, YOU’RE RIGHT! Think about it: he’s getting in trouble for beating someone up that isn’t officially involved in the match. So could he be thrown out of the match for getting into a bar fight? See, it makes no sense.

Anyway, we’re up to Slaughter against Mikey now. Dusty gets a solid pop when he comes in, thankfully wearing a shirt. Flair gets less of a pop, but the chops make up for it. The heels are getting destroyed here which is just what shouldn’t have happened. I get that they’re legends, but isn’t the job of guys like these to put over young talent? I guess not as Sarge has the Cobra Clutch on Nicky. Man these guys are hard to tell apart other than Kenny.

I love how in today’s company, this would be so one sided the other way that it’s not even funny. With the referee distracted, Johnny comes in and kicks Slaughter in the back of the head and Nicky gets the easy pin to make it 4-2. In one of the stupidest looking things I’ve ever seen, with Nicky still down from the cover, Dusty casually walks in, measures him, and drops a very slow elbow on him to get the pin.

Seriously? That’s all it takes? A single elbow drop to beat someone? I get that Dusty was limited at best in the ring but he couldn’t pick him up and throw some punches and slam him or something? A freaking elbow drop gets the pin? Come on now. For the life of me I don’t get what the big deal about Kenny was. He was ok at best and that’s about all. After the really stupid (and insanely slow) Flip Flop and Fly, Dusty gets rolled up and Kenny pins him.

So now we have Flair vs. Kenny, Mikey and Johnny. Which of the jobbers is Flair going to take out first? It’s Mikey who gets taken out by a roll up with Flair’s feet on the ropes for a nice old school cheating pin. Flair truly was a master at taking something as simple as that and making it look cool and so completely evil when he was a heel. Sometimes less is more and Flair was the best there ever was in that area.

Ross points out that the Legends team had 21 world title reigns between them, but Flair has 16 of those. That’s just amusing. Flair hooks a quick inside cradle to make this Johnny vs. Ric Flair. Hmm, I’m not sure how this is going to go. I have to go with the guy in green. No way some old guy beats him is there? Oh never mind.

Even I can’t make this sound funny. The figure four gets the old guys the win about 45 seconds later. The Squad beats up Flair afterwards and surprisingly no help comes out for Flair.

Rating: C+. Eh this was what it was. They only had about ten minutes which is what it should have been. Other than Simmons, who wasn’t supposed to be in there anyway, all of the eliminations kind of made sense. Having Flair be the winner is ok I guess as he was at least an active wrestler at the time. His picking apart of the team at the end was great stuff as nothing he did was flashy or anything like that as he beat all three guys using very basic stuff.

That’s something that a lot of guys now could learn actually. The Figure Four was appropriate as he shouldn’t have gone for that with others around and he didn’t. When he was outnumbered he used fast stuff but once things were even he used his best. That’s terrific thinking there and it worked quite well. This wasn’t really about anything but nostalgia, but sometimes there’s nothing wrong with that, and this is a great example of one of those times.

Cole says that Philly is one of three cities to host all of the Big Four, with the others being New York City and Boston. That’s actually pretty cool.

Recap of Benoit vs. Chavo, which goes like this. Chavo and Vickie had allegedly been doing jack with Eddie’s estate or something like that which was never elaborated on. Benoit comes back from a hiatus and wins the US Title. Chavo also says that Rey is trying to steal the Guerrero name because that would be something evil.

We’ll of course ignore that Chavo and Vickie have been doing that for their whole careers but whatever. Anyway, Chavo injured Rey’s knee and put him out, so Benoit came to his rescue. That brings us here.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chave Guerrero

Vickie actually has some pretty awesome cleavage. Since this is Benoit, it’s naturally an intense match. There’s not a lot to say here. It’s really just a lot of strikes from both guys mixed with the occasional attempt at the Crossface. I know that’s not a lot to go on but I really have nothing to say here. It’s insane to think that Benoit would be gone in less than a year. This is where Chavo is at his best: in there with another guy of about his size and just letting it go.

Both guys can wrestle as well as anyone else and Chavo, or Shavo as JBL refers to him as because he can’t pronounce his name for some reason, really is better than he’s given credit for. Vickie interferes about a dozen times here and it’s rather annoying. JBL compares it to cheating on your wife with some hot chick on the road. Dang what must his wife have thought of that line? Benoit misses the headbutt because of Vickie leading to Guerrero hitting the Frog Splash for two.

A massive Eddie chant breaks out because of that. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter and gets shoved off, slamming into Vickie THANK GOODNESS. Chavo goes to check on her and the Crossface ends this. It was short but quite intense which was where Benoit shined.

Rating: B. Like I said, this was short but intense. Benoit could fight with the best of them but he could also wrestle better than the best of them which is what made him so successful. Chavo certainly can go too and it’s a shame that he’s a comedy jobber to this day. I really do feel bad for him, but he’s getting on TV so you can’t blame him for that. Solid match that was just long enough to not feel short.

The Elimination Chamber is coming back at December 2 Dismember. Oh dear this was awful in every sense of the word. Also, it’s A WEEK LATER. There’s a rant coming one day on that show as it’s about as much of a debacle as humanly possible, but I’ll save that for later.

Edge and Lita are with Todd Grisham. Tonight is Lita’s last match despite the fact that she’s the Women’s Champion. Edge offers some weak Philly jokes before doing the smarter thing and kissing Lita. He rants a bit more while Cryme Tyme is behind them sneaking into her locker room and stealing her stuff.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Lita

Like I said, this is Lita’s last night with the company. Mickie is at this point the queen of the short skirts which gave us some AWESOME visuals for a long time. For the life of me I don’t get how people don’t think she’s hot. Mickie is flat out gorgeous on so many levels. Granted Lita is somehow hotter which defies logic. Lita’s music truly does rock. This likely is going to go quick as it’s about as obvious as possible that Mickie walks out with the belt here.

Allegedly Lita is leaving due to the fans hating her, which is actually pretty creative. The fans boo people all the time yet this time the fans are actually getting rid of someone they can’t stand. Trish had left two months prior to this, so this is more or less the ending of the Women’s Division’s best years. More or less they’re just going through the motions here and it’s not that interesting.

To be fair, at least Lita isn’t being a witch like Goldberg and Lesnar were when they left and having a horrible match more or less on purpose. She’s not exactly lighting the world on fire or anything, but she’s certainly out there trying and that’s all I can ask of her. Mickie surprisingly kicks out of both the Litarana and the moonsault to a decent pop. My goodness Mickie has a nice figure.

After some back and forth reversals, Mickie hits the jumping DDT to get the pin and the division is officially in big trouble. That’s not a knock on Mickie by any means, but other than her around this time there was absolutely no one that could carry a decent match. She and Melina traded the belt a bit before Candice arrived and took the division over despite a rather severe lack of talent at the time.

Lita wants a mic as the fans are singing to her a familiar song. Actually she’s demanding that Lillian calls her the best Women’s Champion ever, which of course gets her booed again. It’s a shame she left because she was awesome as a heel. Anyway, after she whines a lot, Cryme Tyme, who was the hottest team on the planet around this time, comes out with the box, and it’s time for a HO SALE! Everything must go so have your money ready.

This really is hilarious as JTG has charisma to burn. He’s actually a lot better on the mic than he’s given credit for. They sell mainly underwear and bras with JBL offering $100 for some panties. They take the money and toss them into the crowd of course. Lita is freaking out over this as they pull out her vibrator. I love how the cops aren’t here as it’s clearly Lita’s stuff and she’s upset about this. The last item: it’s big, it’s wide, it’s cheap and you can fit your head in it.

It’s Lita’s box. As Cryme Tyme is leaving, you can hear some very profane in their song. That’s most interesting. You kind of have to feel bad for Lita that on her last night this is her sendoff, but dang that was great. It’s a shame that they never win jack in the ring, but geez they need to go back to doing stuff like this as it was hilarious.

Rating: B. Well, they made Mickie look strong and Lita looked fine on her way out so those two missions were certainly accomplished. Considering there was absolutely zero suspense about the ending, I’d say this was fine. There’s little drama but the match itself was fine.

Mickie was the future of the division so having her beat Lita clean after kicking out of her signature moves was the exact right thing to do. This was fine for what it was and the girls both looked hot. Couple that with a great comedy segment and this was sweet.

We go to an interview with Cole and Batista from earlier in the day. Cole asks a bunch of questions and Batista says nothing at all to anything. He just sits and stares straight ahead. After a clip of Booker attacking him on Smackdown, Batista still says nothing. Cole asks if he has anything at all to say and Batista takes off his glasses, looks at Cole and simply says “Tonight, I’m leaving as World Heavyweight Champion”. End of interview.

I LOVE that. How many times have you seen people do the exact same promo that absolutely nothing gets said in at all and it’s just the same stuff that we hear every month? This was directly to the point and made Batista look crazy, which is exactly the point. I loved this and it did its job to perfection.

Team DX vs. Team Rated RKO

DX, Hardys, Punk
Randy Orton, Edge, Mike Knox, Johnny Nitro, Gregory Helms

The feuds are pretty self explanatory here with Punk against Knox, Nitro against Jeff and Matt against Helms. We don’t get any stupid things like stories or anything like that. Why waste time there. Let’s just get theme music playing and get to it! Jeff is Intercontinental Champion here. For some reason Lillian calls Matt and Jeff Team Xtreme while Ross calls them their traditional names.

Punk gets a solid pop. He’s a rookie here and is still undefeated. Naturally since he’s young, over and good with a different gimmick, Vince decided that Hardcore Holly should outlast him in the Elimination Chamber. Heyman had wanted to put Punk over Big Show but Vince decided that Holly had more potential. For those of you keeping score, that’s Heyman – 1, Vince – 0. DX gets a big pop despite their entrance taking forever.

Who would have thought that at this time three years later Matt would be by far and away the least successful? After a longer version of the standard intro in which all of the faces try to get different sections of the crowd to cheer the loudest, we’re on to the heels. First of all though, we get a HUGE CM Punk chant. He gets to ask are you ready? That’s saying a lot. That really is a freaking stacked face team in there with what, 25 world titles between four guys?

Melina and Nitro come out first with her looking ridiculously hot. For some reason that no one gets, Kevin Federline was a character around this time and an A-list guy along with Nitro and Melina. Vince’s desperation to be in every facet of entertainment will never cease to amaze me. Helms, the Cruiserweight Champion and coming out to the most generic rock music of all time is next. Knox, sans awesome beard is somehow dating Kelly at this point. Her skirt might be 4 inches wide. That’s awesome.

Edge and Orton are the tag champions here and their mix of music is completely awesome. After about ten minutes of intros and another Punk chant we start off with Knox and HHH. HHH, being a selfish bastard as always, hits on Kelly. At the time Kelly was an exhibitionist character so she gets up to flash HHH but Knox cuts him off. He turns into Sweet Chin Music and it’s 5-4 after about 45 seconds. The fans are WAY into Punk here.

Naturally Hardcore Holly would get 10x the pops though. Shawn scares the heck out of Melina in a funny spot. Morrison is in now and the faces take their time beating the living tar out of him. Edge beats on Matt for a bit which is dripping with history. I’m glad the captains aren’t staying on the apron until the end. Matt is bleeding from the mouth. I guess that’s better than being From The South. Punk comes in and gets cheered louder than anyone in the match.

After a few seconds, Nitro is tapping fast. He needs to bring that back, even as a secondary move. I’m talking about the Anaconda Vice in case there was any confusion. Helms and Edge beat down Punk, but he still gets massive chants. They’ll be silent when Holly shows up though. You know he’s a real star. He won a tag title. Helms busts out a one leg version of what will become known as the Codebreaker. The RKO puts Punk more or less out cold but Shawn breaks up the pin.

Punk finally gets the tag to HHH who comes in for the first time. Naturally he cleans house for awhile but it’s time for the big brawl, leading to the Hardys taking everyone out. The Twist of Fate and Swanton takes out Helms to make it 5 vs. Rated RKO. The heels grab their belts and try to leave but the Hardys cut them off. They all beat on Edge for awhile and then he gets kicked in the face for the pin. Ross calls him a Canadian Piñata which is kind of funny.

Randy tries to run through the crowd but every face not named DX catches him and the DX Double Team Finishing Combination, which is a long way to say Sweet Chin Music and a Pedigree take him out for the clean sweep. Massive posing and celebrating follows.

Rating: B. This was very fun. It was fast paced and it got the point over perfectly. Also it doesn’t bury Edge and Orton because not even two A-list guys like them could overcome an obstacle like this. This was a great example of perfect booking and a great Survivor Series match. Punk’s pops are the most surprising part here though as they were by far and away the biggest thing of the match.

Vince is a freaking idiot to not let Punk get pushed because he wasn’t a big enough name yet or whatever. That’s a great example of his ego taking control of his senses. Punk would get pushed, but they freaking pushed Holly over him, and for what? The idea of paying dues? Come on now Vince, listen to the people and grow up for a change.

Time to recap the only real push that Kennedy ever got. This was around the time where he kept beating world champions and he’s challenged Taker at his show. Oddly that’s not Mania but whatever. They did manage to make this a First Blood match which helps a lot as it allows Kennedy to potentially beat Taker but Taker doesn’t have to actually get pinned. As for the story here, Kennedy says that he’s young so he has to take out the old man that is Taker.

How many people have used this same story? That’s just a painful lack of creativity. Also I would be willing to bet that at some point in the promos leading up to this, Kennedy has said he’s not afraid of the dark because no one ever has been. In the highlight package, Kennedy says that at Survivor KENNEDY! Sorry I had to get that joke in at least once.

He says that at Survivor Series the decade and a half of destruction will end. Well that’s all well and good for a threat but the decade and a half ended the year before. We’re closing in on two decades now. Is Kennedy planning on bringing a time traveling Delorean to the match or something? That would be cooler than he is, so maybe it should happen.

Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy

Before the match, Kennedy is talking to Krystal about how this is the biggest match of his career when MVP comes up. I almost forgot: they were teaming a bit at the time and actually had a very short feud with the Brothers of Destruction. I’ll give you two guesses as to which team got their heads handed to them. Kennedy has Vaseline on his forehead which keeps fists from making full contact and thereby opening up his head. That’s actually pretty smart.

Kennedy is wearing the Norcal shirt so I’m making a good bit here. Why does the blood have to come from the head? I’d love to see someone come out with a needle and poke their opponent’s finger to get the win. I’d half die of laughter. Kennedy desperately needs his new music at this point as the one he’s using here is painfully generic. He takes off two of the turnbuckle pads as JBL calls him the future of Smackdown. Again, that’s something that when you hear it now it’s just incredibly funny.

Holy crap Cole made a Back to the Future reference! I swear that wasn’t foreshadowing or anything like that when I made the Delorean joke earlier. Wow that actually made my review. I’m stunned. As Taker comes out Kennedy pulls off another buckle covering. Taker really does look awesome here. After over ten minutes since we started talking about this match, the bell finally rings. Ok, that’s just WAY too long.

I have no interest in watching it after that long, but at least this looks cool so let’s get to it. They keep pointing out that this is anything goes. We get it guys, chill a bit. This is really just a brawl/Taker beating up Kennedy to start us off, which I guess makes the most sense. I’m liking this actually. It’s a lot better than I expected, and I think that’s because they’re going on a rather slow style which allows them to set up to a big finish.

That’s fine, although I’m not sure why Taker is working on Kennedy’s ribs. I guess it’s because he wants to slow him down? Does that makes sense? I guess in some way it does, but it just doesn’t feel right. I’ve rarely seen anyone bleed from the stomach, at least in a wrestling match. Taker is completely dominant here. Cole asks about the logic of attacking the ribs as well, which has JBL saying Taker wants Kennedy to bleed from the mouth.

That’s…..kind of stupid but it works I suppose. A low blow does little to slow down Taker, which I kind of like I think. It keeps the whole painless man thing working. Another low blow actually works though so the first was completely pointless. Kennedy goes to the floor and is bleeding from the mouth but MVP comes out with a towel to clean it up. I’m surprised it can clot that fast but whatever.

With Taker back in control, MVP comes in with a chair for no apparent reason and cracks Taker with it to bust him open. That was just odd. Post match, Kennedy beats on him a bit more and gets in his face with the mic for his catchphrase. Taker of course grabs him by the throat and it’s beatdown time.

Taker KILLS him with the chair which gets a holy crap chant from a Philly crowd. That says a lot. A tombstone ends this beating as Taker poses to close the segment with JBL talking about how awesome and scary Taker is.

Rating: C+. This started off solid but it felt like the ending came from absolutely nowhere. MVP coming down wasn’t needed as he was swinging for Kennedy and it was just a big mess. I get why they had Kennedy win here as it makes the most sense, but dang this was just a mess near the end.

For the life of me I don’t get why they booked it like that. This is a great example of a match that just needed more time to flesh itself out. Another five minutes or so would have made this much better.

Booker isn’t worried about Batista tonight.

Again with no transition, we’re at our penultimate match.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Cena, RVD, Kane, Lashley, Sabu
Big Show, MVP, Test, Finlay, Umaga

Dang those are some pretty motley crews of tag teams. Lashley is just becoming a bit deal, Kane is Kane, RVD is pretty worthless and Sabu just sucks. Test is the worst excuse for a big man ever and Finlay never really did anything other than have a midget for a son. This just doesn’t look good at all on paper. Let’s get this over with. Cena is between feuds with Show and Umaga here. We start with Umaga and Cena which would become the title feud very soon after this.

The Champ puts Umaga on the floor with a clothesline and the savage reacts savagely. He rips up the table of course and gets out a monitor which he blasts RVD, Sabu and Cena with for the fast DQ. Well that was abrupt. I get that they want to keep him hot but that’s a bit, shall we say extreme? I get what they’re trying to do here but it is a bit much. Granted it puts the faces at an early disadvantage so that’s mission accomplished if nothing else.

After that insanity we’re back with Finlay vs. RVD. Test comes in to beat on RVD a bit as Test continues to just be a failure on many levels. Vince to his credit though kept trying to push him despite him completely sucking at it. After about a minute in there Finlay comes back in just in case you missed him. Since he’s had his face kicked in for a good long while now Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth.

This is just not interesting at all for some reason despite there being a lot of names in there that are certainly A-list guys. I guess it’s that there’s no way Cena’s team is losing here but whatever. Van Dam hits one heck of a kick on Finlay which I think wasn’t supposed to be that solid. He caught him great though and it looked awesome. After a rather weak brawl, Kane interferes and hits a chokeslam on MVP to set up the Five Star and make it 5-3.

As RVD gets up though, Test hits the SICKEST big boot I’ve ever seen to take him out. Even Kane on the apron was knocked back by just looking at it. I mean Kane is just watching this and he looks like he got hit by a right hand and he’s only wincing because of how solid a kick that was. That was completely sick and no one would kick out of that. Based on that kick alone, I’d buy Test as a main event guy.

Go find a video of this match to see how sick that was. I’m impressed. Sabu immediately runs in and rolls Test up but since that’s a wrestling move it doesn’t work. On the floor Lashley hits a spear on Test to allow Sabu to hit a Tornado DDT to get the win on him, yet again crushing any semblance of a push that Test could have gotten. Show walks in and a simple chokeslam ends purple pants.

I know this is just listing stuff but there’s maybe 30 seconds between falls, which is counting people coming in, the moves and the counts. That leaves little time for anything else. Kane comes in. Oh in case you lost track, it’s Kane, Cena and Lashley against Finlay and Show. To follow up on that kick, RVD is just now leaving. That’s insane. Kane is 200lbs lighter than Show. That’s even scarier.

During a double choke from the big men, the man known as Little Bastard who will eventually be named Hornswoggle comes in and distracts the referee long enough for Kane to get smacked with the club and then chokeslammed to make this 2-2. This feels like they ran out of time in the middle of the match. Now we get Show against Cena with John being booed badly. After too long of a beating on Cena Lashley gets the hot tag and cleans house.

Show takes both guys down though to set up a pretty bad elimination for Finlay. The Irishman rolls Horny into the ring and is going to use him as a battering ram but Lashley hits a running punch to the ribs which is called a spear. Cena tries to FU Horny but Show stops him. Cena is just flat out hated in this town. Who would have seen that coming?

Once it’s 2-1, I don’t think Show got in any offense at all. Well, that’s a great way to make your champion look just before the first ECW PPV isn’t it guys? After the third Lashley spear of the match (learn some new moves for goodness’s sake) the 500lb FU ends this. Massive celebrations follow.

Rating: D+. What was the point of this? Cena was in the middle of his feuds here and the rest was just kind of a big preview of the awful Chamber match next week. Most of these guys were seemingly thrown together and told to go have a twelve minute Survivor Series match.

WAY too much of this was rapid fire eliminations which rarely if ever work. I really wasn’t too big on this but some cool spots make it ok. Also it’s short, which is a big problem but in another way it’s also the best thing about it. Try having that make sense.

Hey! There’s another PPV in a week and even though Vince is going to announce only two matches and go completely against what the fans are cheering for because he knows better. I mean really think about it. The fans are chanting for Punk despite HHH and HBK and one of the most popular tag teams of all time being in there, but he naturally didn’t get to last as long as that master of the ring, Hardcore Holly. Vince, grow up. You really need to.

We get what I guess you would call a recap of Booker vs. Batista. The idea is simple: Batista has tried twice or so already and hasn’t gotten the belt, so this is his last chance which gives the ending away already. This led to the ridiculously annoying Sharmell shouting ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!, about once every three seconds. It was a decent idea for a drinking game. Batista had been forced to relinquish the title nearly a year ago due to injury and hasn’t gotten it back yet. Yep, that’s about it.

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Batista

Teddy Long comes out and says exactly the same thing I just did, but adds that if Booker is counted out or disqualified Batista gets the belt, again making sure that the ending of the Batista Bomb is set in stone. I’ve always shaken my head over the little spin move that Batista would do when he was jumping up and down. Of course it’s up and down as I don’t think you can jump any other way.

Actually according to AJ Styles’ old music you can jump to the left which you can also do in the Time Warp so there we are. That was a rather pointless rant but whatever. This is a long entrance and I’m not that interested in the match itself. King Booker was either brilliant or a complete failure and I’m still not sure which. If nothing else it gave him an actual gimmick. Before this he was just Booker T.

Cole says the following great line: “There’s the Animal, pacing like a caged animal.” Does that just sound stupid to anyone else? Good grief Booker is slower than Taker when it comes to entrances. Thankfully Batista jumps him so we get to this faster. Wow…this is very boring. There’s just nothing at all out of the ordinary here as it’s just Batista beats on Booker but as he goes for the Bomb Booker hits the floor. Wow how exciting.

This was around the time where Smackdown was almost universally looked down on for being awful and I can certainly see how that’s the conception. It’s been all Batista so far meaning that the Booker comeback is coming very soon. Yep there it is. This is just predictable. JBL tries to make us believe that this is the big match of the show.

There’s a big difference between going on last and being the main event, although there really wasn’t a main event on this card anyway so maybe that’s a fair statement to make. There’s a very limited reaction from the crowd here as for one thing this is in Philadelphia or as it’s more commonly known Smark city #1 or #2 based on your thoughts on New York City.

Batista hits a Jackhammer to even less of a reaction. Sharmell interferes and thereby gives Booker the advantage. After some more generic back and forth stuff we discuss the idea that Teddy Long is trying to get the belt off Booker because he’s racist. Sadly, that’s by far the most entertaining aspect of this match. They keep changing the story about the rules of the title.

At one point it’s he doesn’t get a shot at Booker again, then it’s at the title ever. Make up your minds on the pointless stipulations guys. I’m about to fall asleep from this match as it’s really that bad. Actually it’s not bad, but just boring on so many levels. Batista is treating him like a jobber in ever sense of the word. To up the drama/excitement, which is to say actually have some, Batista hits a shoulder block from the top.

JBL says it’s anyone’s ball game, which explains why Booker has been getting his face kicked in for about five minutes. Booker hits a random Book End so he can use the Spinerooni. Batista pops up and hits the Batista Bomb but Booker grabs the bottom rope. Sharmell interferes (for some reason that word was hard to spell) and Booker misses a belt shot, and Batista nails him with the belt for the title. Wait what? That’s how they’re ending this?

He has Booker more or less dead and he doesn’t even use the freaking Batista Bomb? To even further the stupidity of this, he kicked Booker in the ribs to make him drop the title, so he was in perfect position for the Bomb. That was a stupid ending because it makes Batista look both heelish and weak. That was awful.

Rating: D-. This was AWFUL. It was boring, the ending was never in doubt, and yet they somehow managed to botch that too. Batista breathed life back into the title though as he and Taker would soon start their mega feud over the belt, but seriously, this was the best they could do? It was like a main event for the sake of saying they had a main event which is just stupid. I want my fifteen minutes back! Awful way to end the show, plain and simple.

Overall Rating: C-. Again that’s being generous. The first half of this show is great but after that the whole thing just falls apart at the seams. The second half of this show just doesn’t work at all for me. The two main Survivor Series matches were just not good, plain and simple.

The main event was garbage of the highest degree and the whole show just falls flat for me. There’s some ok stuff here but it really just isn’t working at all for me. The first few matches, mainly the Benoit/Chavo match were actually pretty good. The show just doesn’t feel big at all and it just doesn’t work. I’d avoid it if I were you.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 2, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Samoa Joe, Byron Saxton

We’re on the way to the Survivor Series and that means we are in for some more building. Last week saw some of the Raw teams being set up but there are still a few spots to go. There is also a Guitar on a Pole match set for tonight, because that’s something we need to see. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week, focusing on the World Title situation.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Randy Orton to get things going. He talks about winning the title eight days ago and now he is the best of the best. That doesn’t do him justice though because eight days ago, he proved that he is the best, period. He is better than Edge, the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, John Cena and of course Drew McIntyre.

People have said that HHH took care of him when he started around here but eight days ago, he showed the entire world that he is the best. He is no longer the Legend Killer because he is now the best in the world. Cue Alexa Bliss to say he could be here. The Fiend’s lights come on but it’s Drew McIntyre with the Claymore to drop Orton instead. McIntyre dares Orton to give him his rematch and leaves. Cue Miz and John Morrison to cash in Money in the Bank but McIntyre breaks it up, saying no one is cashing in on Orton while he is around.

Post break Miz rants about how the briefcase was never cashed in. He is tired of not being treated with the respect that he deserves just because Drew can’t admit that his fifteen year journey is over. That’s why it’s time for someone else to become the new star of Monday Night Raw, so tonight, how about Miz/Morrison vs. McIntyre in a handicap match?

Here’s Elias for his match with Jeff Hardy, but first he needs to brag about how awesome his new album is. He can do some great things with his guitar, so tonight he is going to break it over Hardy’s back. We get an acoustic version of Amen, but here’s Hardy to cut things off.

Elias vs. Jeff Hardy

Guitar on a Pole, meaning you can climb the pole and use the guitar to win. Elias hammers away to start but it’s way too early to get the guitar. Instead Jeff pulls him down for a ram into the steps and there’s Poetry In Motion against the barricade. Hardy goes up but Elias throws a stool at him for the save as we take a break.

Back with Elias hammering and talking trash, followed by a jumping knee to the face to cut off the comeback. Hardy pulls him down for trying to go after the guitar though and the comeback sequel works a bit better. The legdrop between the legs has Elias down again and a hurricanrana cuts off Elias’ powerbomb out of the corner attempt. There’s the Twist of Fate and Hardy grabs the guitar for a shot rope shot to the back and the pin at 8:20.

Rating: D+. This was slow and one of the less necessary stipulations in a long time. Odds are this doesn’t wrap things up for the time being because one gimmick match is nowhere near enough for a feud to end. I’m not sure where they’re going with trying to find out who ran Elias down but it’s only so interesting of a story in the first place.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Dana Brooke/Mandy Rose vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler

Jax and Baszler are defending and here’s Lana to watch. Jax drives Brooke into the corner for an early crushing so it’s off to Mandy for an Octopus of all things. Brooke comes back in to knock Jax down for two with Baszler making the save. It’s off to Baszler, who is taken down with a double suplex for two. She’s right back up to suplex Rose down and yell at Lana, allowing Brooke to hammer away in the corner.

The handspring elbow hits Baszler as well and it’s a bulldog for two, even with Rose cutting Jax off. Baszler goes after Lana though and gets dropkicked through the ropes. Another Lana distraction breaks up the Kirifuda Clutch, but Baszler kicks Brooke into Lana, setting up the Clutch to retain at 3:35.

Rating: C-. Slightly better match than I was expecting, though you probably shouldn’t be having the new up and coming team losing, especially when you factor in Lana helping against the champs. Mandy and Dana have come a pretty long way though and could be fine as a plucks face team, as the division could use a lot more regular teams.

Randy Orton promises to give Drew McIntyre an RKO to remind him what a predator looks like. This has to be their last match right?

R-Truth vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title, but R-Truth is a little confused before the match: he thinks he is facing the Waterboy, Bobby Boucher. He even has his water bottle to get signed. Once Lashley comes out, Truth says they’re both champions so no one needs to get hurt. Truth lays down so Lashley can pin him, only to get in a few cheap shots. The spear cuts Truth down and the Hurt Lock finishes at 56 seconds.

Post match Lashley puts him in the Hurt Lock again to leave Truth laying. Drew Gulak comes out to steal the 24/7 Title but gets beaten up by Lashley as well. Lashley throws Gulak onto Truth to make him champion anyway. After leaving, Lashley comes back in and…leaves again.

We cut to the back where Lucha House Party wants to win the 24/7 Title but run into AJ Styles’ bodyguard. The House Party remembers they were going the other way actually.

Nia Jax does not want to hear about Lana, who put her in jeopardy tonight. Just because she put Lana through a table? If Lana is such a fighter, come fight her.

Here’s AJ Styles, with Jordan Omogbehin, for a chat. AJ talks about how Team Raw needs a leader to bring them together, like….well him of course. Is there really any other option? His intangibles have intangibles. In his first act as captain, he is introducing his team. We’ll start with Sheamus and then Keith Lee, with AJ saying that they are the best of the best. AJ doesn’t care who he has to face at Survivor Series but Lee cuts him off to say that he isn’t intimidated by AJ’s big friend. AJ tells Sheamus to set Lee straight but Sheamus agrees with what Lee said.

With AJ panicking, cue Braun Strowman to say he should be on the team too. Strowman gives his usual aggressively scripted statement about why he should be on the team after beating Lee clean and having all kinds of Survivor Series success. Cue Adam Pearce to say he can’t find a Survivor Series qualifying match for Strowman. Lee cuts them both off to ask what Strowman means by clean. Sheamus wants to know why Lee thinks his opinion matters around here. Sheamus is ready to fight Strowman right now so AJ says let’s have a triple threat. If Strowman wins, he’s on the team.

Sheamus vs. Braun Strowman vs. Keith Lee

AJ Styles is on commentary and if Strowman wins, he’s on the Survivor Series team. Strowman knocks Sheamus outside to start but Lee sends Strowman outside for a change. Sheamus’ shots to the ribs are cut off and Lee tries a running flip dive, which sees him hit his head on the apron on the way down for a nearly horrible result. Sheamus and Lee slug it out on the floor but Strowman runs them over at the same time.

A steps shot to the face drops Strowman again and Sheamus hits the forearms to Lee’s chest. Lee blocks one of the shots though and Sheamus is sent hard into the barricade. Sheamus grabs a choke though, only to have Strowman drive both of them through the barricade for a huge crash. Back from a break with Sheamus….armbarring Lee. That’s kind of a downgrade but that could apply to so many things around here.

Strowman comes in for the save but it’s White Noise to give Sheamus two. Lee catches Sheamus on top (not with his awesome rising up from NXT though, because that’s too cool for this show) but gets raked in the eyes. Strowman catches Sheamus on top in a superplex but Lee turns it into a Tower of Doom to put them all down. AJ is impressed as they take their time getting back up.

Lee hits his running crossbody on Strowman and then suplexes Sheamus for a bonus. A knee to the face gives Sheamus two on Lee but Strowman is back to knock Sheamus off the top. Lee’s big clothesline hits Sheamus for two but Sheamus is up with the Brogue kick to put Lee down. Strowman’s running powerslam finishes Sheamus at 14:33. AJ: “I GOT STROWMAN ON THE TEAM!”

Rating: C+. There were problems here (I shook my head at coming back from the big crash to an armbar) but Lee didn’t get pinned and they had the right ending. Strowman is going to be important in the Survivor Series match because he’s kind of made for the wrecking ball spot in a match like that. Just don’t let him talk and everything will be fine for the next few weeks.

Post match Strowman says he doesn’t like any of them but Sheamus hugs him. And then Brogue Kicks him. Lee decks Sheamus and they crash to the floor. AJ drops to his knees and shouts WHY for the melodramatic moment.

Angel Garza talks about making you feel real every time you see him. Your cheeks will go read and you will feel butterflies in your stomach. He feels the same way about someone and knows she feels the same way with those lips and smile. This rose is for you.

We look back at the opening brawl.

Drew McIntyre says Orton has a 6’5 handsome guardian angel. No one is taking that title from Orton except him, so Fiend can back off. McIntyre wants the dream match with Roman Reigns and tonight, it’s all about smiling faces, which he’ll make when he has a two for one special later: Claymores for all.

It’s time for the Firefly Fun House. Bray welcomes us in German and dedicates this week’s show to three important letters: RKO. Abigail: “After what he did to us, Randy Orton can go **** himself.” Alexa Bliss wants ten cents in the swear jar so she can go **** herself too. Bray talks about Orton being a bad man and we see some clips of Wyatt Family Compound being burned down.

Bray says he used those ashes to create a new world….and we get a much more dramatic look at the house burning down. It can’t be that simple though because He never forgets. We see the Fiend, but Bliss has been practicing a nifty trick. Bray puts his hand over her face and Bliss’ eyes go evil as she….spits out some of the Ghostbusters II slime? Bray: “OH S***!”

Nia Jax vs. Lana

Before the match, Lacey Evans and Peyton Royce say it’s time for Lana to go through the table again. During her entrance, Lana says it’s time to stop going through the tables. Nia drives her into the corner to start and Lana fights back, with commentary putting over how hard she fights and never gives up. A headbutt rocks Lana again and Nia shouts that this is what Lana wanted. Nia hits a slam and plants Lana with the Samoan drop for the pin at 3:10.

Rating: D. I’m almost scared to think of what we’re going to get with Lana as the underdog who fights to the end because she really isn’t that good. Throw in that everything about her screams villain and that she’s more of a call back to the model days of women’s wrestling in a lot of ways and this could be a tough sell. Maybe not Nia tough, but touch enough.

Post match, for the seventh time, Nia puts Lana through the announcers’ table.

R-Truth runs into the Hurt Business and walks away, even though they still have his water bottle.

Here’s the Hurt Business for the VIP Lounge. MVP talks about how great the team is and Bobby Lashley is ready for Sami Zayn at Survivor Series. Now that Retribution has been dispatched, it is time to collect payment, in the form of the Raw Tag Team Titles. Cue New Day to mock MVP for being old and praise Shelton for having such a successful career. Cedric will be here for a long time too, but New Day has been successful for a long time as well.

Kofi talks about all of the titles he has won, including the one title that Lashley never won. MVP brings up the eight second loss to Brock Lesnar and thinks Lashley can do it even fast. That surprises Kofi because he didn’t think the Hurt Business would be hurting his feelings. Oh and speaking of eight seconds, Lana says that’s how long Lashley can last. MVP mocks New Day for not being serious enough and dancing too much.

Shelton and Cedric are ready to dance on their faces but Woods says the Hurt Business is just another failed 2020 startup business. The only profits New Day is worried about is the Street Profits and Kofi hits a very high pitched catchphrase. I’m not sure what this really accomplished but it was long and felt like they were looking for a point somewhere in there.

New Day vs. Hurt Business

Non-title and MVP is on commentary. Woods grabs a suplex on Cedric to start things off as MVP agrees that the titles are silver instead of gold. Another suplex keeps Cedric in trouble until a quick tag brings in Shelton. Kofi is taken down in a hurry so it’s back to Cedric, who pounds away and tries a monkey flip, only to have Kofi land on his feet for some dancing. A monkey flip drops Cedric on his face and Kofi adds a dropkick.

The double tags bring in Shelton and Woods, with Woods dropkicking him off the apron. That’s fine with Woods, who takes both of them down and sends Shelton outside for a dropkick through the ropes. Back in and Shelton knocks Woods off the apron, setting up a whip into the barricade. Cedric scores with a superkick for two and we take a break. Back with Woods fighting up so Kofi can get the hot tag.

The Boom Drop gets two (and approval from MVP) but Cedric hits the Michinoku Driver for two of his own. Shelton gets two off a spinebuster to Woods, who comes right back with the middle rope DDT. It’s back to Kofi but the dive is cut off by Shelton tossing him into the air. The Neuralizer into Paydirt finishes Woods at 12:52.

Rating: C. You might think that challengers talking about getting a title shot and promising to take the gold would suggest that this would be a title shot but WWE doesn’t work that way. I’m sure New Day will get the big match against the Street Profits at Survivor Series, though it would make more sense to go with the title change first. Hurt Business has been great and could go with some more success, so let New Day transition them to another team again.

Nikki Cross comes up to Alexa Bliss to ask what happened. She knows it’s the Fiend doing this but Bliss is stronger than him. Nikki makes her turn around but Bliss’ eyes are all freaky, sending Nikki running. What part of IT’S OVER is not getting through to her?

Ricochet vs. Tucker

Mustafa Ali comes out to watch as Tucker throws Ricochet off to start. Some kicks to the face set up the Recoil to finish Tucker at 40 seconds.

Post match here’s Retribution to destroy Ricochet, with Ali looking on. Ricochet asks why Ali is doing this and Ali says it’s about punishment. A double spinebuster plants Ricochet.

Sheamus asks McIntyre to be the fifth man on the team but McIntyre says his mind is somewhere else right now. That’s cool with Sheamus, who wants McIntyre to kick Miz’s head off. That makes two rather face like statements from Sheamus tonight.

Drew McIntyre vs. Miz/John Morrison

Miz tries to hammer on McIntyre in the corner to start but is toss into the same corner. McIntyre shows him how to really beat someone up and then punches Morrison down for a bonus. Now it’s Morrison being pulled in but Miz sneaks in with a chop block. A double backbreaker has McIntyre in more trouble but he sends them outside anyway. The reverse Alabama Slam sends Morrison face first into the ramp and we take a break.

Back with Miz and Morrison managing to take it outside again and sending McIntyre hard into the barricade. Morrison’s springboard corkscrew splash gets one on McIntyre and we hit the chinlock. McIntyre fights up again and puts Morrison on the top rope. The elbows knock McIntyre into the Tree of Woe but McIntyre muscles himself up for a release German superplex.

McIntyre is right back up with the spinebuster, meaning Morrison has to shooting star press the cover for the break. Morrison is knocked outside again so Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for two instead. McIntyre knocks Morrison down again and hits the Future Shock on Miz. The Claymore is loaded up but Morrison pulls Miz outside. The big flip dive means it doesn’t matter and it’s the Claymore to finish Miz at 15:35.

Rating: D+. I like everyone in the match but it felt like they didn’t have much to do during the middle section, leaving them to do stuff more than once to fill in the time. This was more of an exercise in patience until McIntyre got the win, as there was no way he was losing again here, especially to Miz and Morrison. Even WWE isn’t screwing that up (so far).

Post match here’s Orton with the RKO to McIntyre. Orton poses but Fiend’s laugh ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this show for the most part as the time got to be a major factor near the end. There was a lot of stuff that felt either long or like we were just killing time until we got to the important stuff. The build to Survivor Series often feels like it’s a few different shows at once and that’s what we’re doing here. Odds are there is going to be a big title match on TV in the near future though and that is going to be a better use of time than almost anything else they could do. This wasn’t a horrible show but it’s nothing you need to see for the most part.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Elias – Top rope guitar shot to the back

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler b. Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke – Kirifuda Clutch to Brooke

Bobby Lashley b. R-Truth – Hurt Lock

Braun Strowman b. Sheamus and Keith Lee – Running powerslam to Sheamus

Nia Jax b. Lana – Samoan drop

Hurt Business b. New Day – Paydirt to Woods

Ricochet b. Tucker – Recoil

Drew McIntyre b. Miz/John Morrison – Claymore to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 26, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe

We’re on the way to Survivor Series, meaning that the rosters, which have now been together for all of a week and a half, will suddenly realize how much they can’t stand the people on the other show because of all of their newfound pride. I’m not sure how WWE is going to make us believe that the shows are invading each other when they work in the same building and the people have been appearing on the other shows since the Draft anyway, but this show isn’t the most logical. Let’s get to it.

Here is Hell In A Cell if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton beating Drew McIntyre to win the Raw World Title.

Opening sequence.

Here’s McIntyre for a chat. He lost the title last night but he will be getting it back. The loss made him think of the movie Rocky, because Rocky got knocked down a lot but kept getting back up. McIntyre is going to get back up and keep going, but here are Miz and John Morrison to interrupt. McIntyre: “You just messed up.” They praise McIntyre for his title reign but say it’s really doing him a favor. Now he doesn’t have to worry about facing Randy Orton for the title, because Miz is Mr. Money in the Bank.

Miz even talks about beating Orton for the title when he first cashed in the title….right here actually. And it turns out that Orton is a guest on A Moment Of Bliss right here tonight! They hope McIntyre doesn’t take another 19 years to get the title shot but McIntyre headbutts Miz and suplexes Morrison. Miz breaks up the Future Shock though and the two of them get away, minus the briefcase. McIntyre does stomp on Morrison’s sunglasses though and says he has an idea to run by management.

We run down tonight’s three Survivor Series qualifying matches.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy

Before the match, AJ says he is 2-0 on Raw, so why is he in a qualifying match? Hasn’t he proven himself around the world? Does he have to prove himself to Adam Pearce and the rest of the jokers in the back? AJ should be the captain of Team Raw because he is the face that runs this place. He is still over Hardy using a knee brace to win a match and promises to make Jeff with he was still on the bottle.

We start fast with Jeff hammering away but stopping to dive onto Jordan, who catches him in the air and we take a break. Back with AJ hitting a brainbuster for two but the Phenomenal Forearm is broken up. The basement dropkick gives Hardy two of his own and there’s the slingshot dropkick in the corner for the same. AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker gives him a breather though and it’s the torture rack powerbomb for two more. Hardy fights back but has to stop to glare at Jordan, allowing AJ to catch him on top. AJ sends him into the buckle and the Phenomenal Forearm sends AJ to Survivor Series at 9;57.

Rating: C. This was more about making AJ look like a threat because of Jordan being out there with him and that’s fine. Hardy isn’t going to be hurt by a loss and AJ belongs on the team. The wrestling was completely acceptable because it was AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy but beyond that, the action wasn’t the point here.

Post match AJ and Jordan leave so here’s Elias to hit Hardy with another guitar.

R-Truth is ready for all of his challengers. He eats and sleeps dangerously so much that his name is R Franklin Dangerously Cobblepot Truth.

Susan G. Kommen video.

Lucha House Party vs. Akira Tozawa/Drew Gulak

Gulak and Dorado knock each other down to start and here’s R-Truth to walk around the ring. Tozawa rolls him up for two and everyone goes after Truth until Gulak grabs a rollup to actually win the tag match at 2:07.

Post match everyone tries to pin Truth but he runs off.

It’s time for the Firefly Fun House where everyone is having a tea party. Ramblin Rabbit doesn’t understand any Bray is upset because Hell in a Cell is awesome. Cue Alexa Bliss with some special tea for Rabbit. It has strawberry, peach, cinnamon and a secret ingredient. Why yes, it is arsenic, and Rabbit dies again.

Bray thinks they’re all mad to come here because this is a wacky place. You need to let him heal you, so Bliss goes into her trance and says let him in. Rabbit tells Honey Bunny that he’s coming home and Bray beats him senseless as Bliss laughs. Bray is looking forward to seeing Randy Orton on A Moment Of Bliss tonight. BYE! Of note: this segment included camera shots of the non-existent crowd watching the screen. They felt the need to show monitors watching monitors. Twice. Think about that for a second and try to keep your brains in your skulls.

We look back at Braun Strowman beating Keith Lee last week with a low blow.

Keith Lee says there was nothing fair about last week and promises to show Braun a real monster next week. Tonight it’s about getting on the Survivor Series team though, because that’s what’s important around here.

Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler argue over who is the team captain. HEY! DID YOU KNOW THEY ARGUE A LOT??? BECAUSE THEY ARGUE A LOT! GET IT???

Here’s Elias for a song before his match. His new album is #2 on the charts so let’s get it to #1. The playing begins but there’s something else going on.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: Elias vs. Keith Lee

Lee runs him over to start and hits a running crossbody to put Elias on the floor. A Pounce sends Elias over the announcers’ table and we take a break. Back with Elias fighting out of an armbar and knocking Lee down. An elbow drop gets two but Lee is right back with a powerslam. Lee hammers away in the corner but Elias faceplants him down for two. Cue Jeff Hardy’s music for a distraction though and Lee is back with the Spirit Bomb for the pin at 9:58.

Rating: D+. Lee is now to the point where he needs interference to beat ELIAS in about ten minutes. Remember like two months ago when he was the unstoppable monster of NXT? Yeah forget all that, because now he is just another person in the overflowing midcard on Raw. It’s incredibly frustrating and really not that surprising, which is a lot of the problems in WWE in one situation.

Post match, Hardy breaks a guitar over Elias’ back.

The Hurt Business yells at someone for daring to go near their bathroom.

We recap Orton winning the title last night.

Orton doesn’t care who is coming for the title because there is only one Randy Orton and that means the same thing for everyone.

Long video on the Hurt Business vs. Retribution. I really wouldn’t advise reminding us of that.

Retribution vs. Hurt Business

Elimination rules. Before the match, MVP talks about how the Hurt Business has been taking the fight to Retribution as part of a deal with Raw. Once they are dispatched, it will be time to collect payment, and the Hurt Business wants to be paid in gold. Lashley and T-Bar get things going and they fight over the lockup to start. They slug away (sweet goodness with the camera cuts) until Lashley powers him down with a Downward Spiral. It’s off to MVP to hammer away as well but T-Bar gets in a shot to the ribs, allowing the tag to Mace.

The pounding continues and Slapjack hits a dropkick to the back of the head for two. MVP is back with a running boot in the corner and an exploder gets two. Cue Reckoning on the apron to…scratch herself a lot and shout GET OFF ME, suggesting that there are bugs all over her (or she’s a fan of Billy Kidman’s time in the Flock). The distraction lets Slapjack roll MVP up for the pin, but she keeps writhing around and freaking out as we take a break.

Back with Lashley waistlocking Slapjack as we see Reckoning admitting the whole thing was faked during the break, earning herself an elimination. The spear gets rid of Slapjack without much effort so it’s T-Bar in to beat on Lashley. They fight to the floor and that’s a double countout to get us down to Alexander/Benjamin vs. Mace/Ali. Alexander goes after Mace in a hurry but gets knocked into the corner.

Mace pounds away in the corner and hits a running splash but Alexander knocks Ali off the apron. A boot to the face staggers Mace and it’s the Neuralizer into Paydirt to finish Mace and get it down to 2-1. Cedric starts pounding on Ali, who manages a running kick to knock Benjamin off the apron. A big backdrop puts Ali down though and Alexander kicks him to the floor. That’s fine with Ali, who hits Alexander with the chair for the DQ at 13:49.

Rating: D+. This is the kind of ending that would usually be fine for a team like Retribution, but given that they have lost every match they have had so far, including some via clean submission, this is another nail in their already hole filled coffin. At least they didn’t save this for Survivor Series, because it would have been the biggest waste of time since Four Doinks. Nothing match, but the death of Retribution continues to be more sad than anything else.

Post match the Hurt Business chases Ali off.

Angel Garza hits on Mandy Rose, Dana Brooke and Nia Jax, who gets rid of them. With Garza gone, Jax/Baszler and Mandy/Dana argue over who the captains should be. Oh and watch the titles. Shayna can’t believe Nia seems interested in Garza. Jax: “Why not?” Are we really going to have to sit through this “I’M THE CAPTAIN” stuff for the next month again?

The Miz vs. Drew McIntyre

John Morrison is here with Miz and his distraction lets Miz go after the knee. That goes badly for Miz as McIntyre knocks him to the floor for the chop, only to get sent ribs first into the steps. Back in and Morrison’s cheap shot actually works, allowing Miz to hammer away. McIntyre doesn’t seem to mind and nips back up, only to have the Future Shock broken up. Morrison’s briefcase shot misses and Drew sends the briefcase flying. Back in and the Claymore finishes Miz at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here to show that McIntyre is still around. The match was a glorified handicap match anyway so McIntyre gets to look extra good in a short outing. It isn’t like Miz losing is going to hurt him whatsoever and the briefcase will keep him relevant for a long time to come.

New Day, dressed as the Street Profits (with Kofi getting a little groggy from the red solo cup), are ready for Survivor Series where it’s champions vs. champions. That means the Street Profits vs. the New Day, Asuka (who comes in) vs. Sasha Banks, Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns and, with the Hurt Business coming in, Bobby Lashley vs. Sami Zayn. MVP says they have their eyes on the Tag Team Titles too but Asuka starts the New Day Rocks dance to get rid of the Hurt Business.

Adam Pearce and Pat Buck are here to introduce the Raw women’s Survivor Series team: Nia Jax, Shayna Baszler, Mandy Rose, Dana Brooke and….hang on as Nia wants to announce the fifth member because she’s the captain. Not so fast because Shayna thinks she’s the captain, but Pearce makes a four way to crown the fifth member.

Lana vs. Lacey Evans vs. Peyton Royce vs. Nikki Cross

It’s a brawl to start with Royce diving onto Cross and Evans as we take a break thirty seconds in. Back with Royce running Cross over for two but Cross is back up to dive onto Lana. Cross’ high crossbody gets two on Royce as we hear about Elias’ album reaching #1 on Apple Music. Lana comes back in (tripping over the ropes a bit on the way) and is promptly hit with the Woman’s Right to give Evans two. Lacey’s superplex attempt on Cross is broken up and Cross knocks Peyton down as well. The Tower of Doom works well enough though…and Lana steals the pin at 8:05.

Rating: D. And there it is, despite very little drama in the whole thing. Who else was going to win here? Lana is the spunky underdog of the team and in a normal promotion, she would make a big impact at Survivor Series. In other words, odds are she is eliminated in two minutes after Nia crushes her through a table again.

Post match Nia hugs Lana before driving her through the announcers’ table for the sixth time.

Randy Orton isn’t worried about the Fiend and Alexa Bliss coming after him on A Moment Of Bliss. If Fiend wants to get involved, Orton can introduce him to the RKO.

Mustafa Ali says Retribution isn’t a failure because they will win when everyone else suffers. Yeah no one believes you.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. Matt Riddle

Riddle goes for the legs to start so Sheamus bails out to the floor. Back in and Sheamus grabs a headlock to take him to the mat but Riddle muscles him up into a gutwrench suplex. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse, only to have Riddle knock him outside for the flipping dive as we take a break. Back with Riddle winning a strike off and kicking Sheamus in the head. The Broton gets two but Sheamus is back up with a knee to the face for the same.

Sheamus goes up but Riddle catches him with a top rope exploder superplex. Riddle goes up this time but the Floating Bro hits knees. Another Irish Curse is countered into a rear naked choke, which is broken up as well. The Brogue Kick misses and Riddle grabs a bridging German suplex for two more. Riddle’s back gives out on the Bro Derek attempt though and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him for the pin at 12:48.

Rating: B-. I’ve been a Sheamus fan for a long time now but SHEAMUS??? Pinning Matt Riddle completely clean in a match with some stakes? This was a brutal and hard hitting match but they have these options and they picked Sheamus? For the life of me I don’t get this company at times and it can get rather head scratch inducing trying to make it work.

It’s time for A Moment Of Bliss with Randy Orton as the special guest. Orton isn’t interested in sitting so Bliss asks him if he was surprised about his win last night. Of course not, so Bliss asks about Orton and McIntyre burning the house down. Orton knows what that means and asks about the Fiend, but here’s McIntyre instead. The fight is on with a laughing Bliss sitting on the top rope.

The Claymore is loaded up but we’ve got the Fiend. Well at least the Fiend’s entrance, which Orton uses to escape. Orton knows what’s behind him though….and is actually smart enough to walk forward and fight with McIntyre instead of turning to face the Fiend. McIntyre is dropped onto the announcers’ table and Orton pounds away to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Above all else, this show was miles better than last week and that’s what I needed out of it. There was a point to this and while I don’t get a lot of the booking choices, they did some things that made sense and advanced us towards Survivor Series. I still wouldn’t call it good as there were some bad matches, but you can see where they’re going for the pay per view. Just tighten some things up and get rid of some stupid ideas and we’ll be in for a pretty good show. This wasn’t great, but it was an upgrade and that’s what they were badly needing.

Results

AJ Styles b. Jeff Hardy – Phenomenal Forearm

Drew Gulak/Akira Tozawa b. Lucha House Party – Rollup to Dorado

Keith Lee b. Elias – Spirit Bomb

Hurt Business b. Retribution via DQ when Mustafa Ali used a chair

Drew McIntyre b. The Miz – Claymore

Lana b. Lacey Evans, Nikki Cross and Peyton Royce – Tower of Doom to Cross

Sheamus b. Matt Riddle – Brogue Kick

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Hell In A Cell 2020
Date: October 25, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Phillips, Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe, Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s time for another version of the show where WWE doesn’t care enough to even put together six matches before we get to the show. I’m not sure why WWE feels the need to do something like this but this marks two years in a row of a similar nature. There are three Cell matches tonight so it must be big. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: 24/7 Title: R-Truth vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak is challenging and immediately starts talking to Little Jimmy….who he then knocks down. Truth goes after Gulak in the corner and hammers away so Gulak takes him down by the leg. A leglock goes on, followed by Gulak stretching Truth’s neck over his back (think a Gory Stretch but without tying up the arms). Truth fights back with John Cena’s offense, including the AA for two. Gulak goes after the knee again and they go into a pinfall reversal sequence, with Truth rolling him up for the pin to retain at 5:23.

Rating: D. The match was pretty straightforward, meaning it felt out of place with the 24/7 Title. There was the Little Jimmy stuff at the beginning, but Gulak beating up an invisible boy isn’t enough to make up for the rest of things. It’s hard to criticize the title, though I’m not sure I get the need for a match to warm up the crowd when there is no crowd.

Post match the menagerie of numskulls run in to chase after Truth.

The opening video looks at the Cell matches and not much more, mainly because there isn’t much more after that.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso for Reigns’ Universal Title. Reigns beat Jey at Clash Of Champions but wanted Jey to acknowledge him as Tribal Chief of the family. That hasn’t happened yet, so Jey is getting one more shot, though there are some stipulations. First of all, it’s an I Quit match, but the catch is that if Reigns wins, both Jey and his brother Jimmy have to obey Reigns. If they don’t, they are out of the family.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso

Reigns, with Paul Heyman, is defending inside the Cell in an I Quit match. They shout at each other a bit until Reigns shoulders him down to start. A snap suplex has Jey in more trouble and Reigns sneers down at him in a great visual. Jey manages an enziguri to knock Reigns outside though and a dive sends him into the Cell. A running clothesline puts Reigns on the floor again and there’s another dive. Reigns is driven into the wall again and Jey starts to get serious, only to get cut off with a spear back inside. Reigns starts telling Jey that it’s over so Jey knocks him outside for a dropkick into the Cell.

The dive is cut off with a right hand though and Reigns hits another spear back inside. Jey is back up with a superkick into the Superfly Splash and they’re both down with Reigns not quitting. Another splash connects but Reigns says the head of the table never quits. Therefore it’s time to bring in a leather strap, even as Paul shouts no. Uso whips him in the back so Reigns hits a third spear to cut him off again. Jey can’t breathe but he won’t quit, so this time it’s Reigns whipping him for a change. Reigns: “I DO THE WHIPPING AROUND HERE!”

Jey’s look of shock at the pain is a great visual as he did these same things to Reigns but didn’t realize how bad it would be to get it back. More whips have Jey down but he uses the strap to pull himself up. They slug it out until Jey hits a superkick and ties the strap around Reigns’ throat. Reigns still won’t quit so Jey grabs a chair but Reigns hits the Superman Punch. The guillotine goes on with Reigns jumping into a bodyscissors and Jey is mostly out. That’s not quitting though and Reigns is looking more annoyed than anything else. Reigns says all Jey had to do was quit and now we’re here.

The referee and Reigns both implore him to quit until Reigns tells the referee to shut his mouth. Reigns lays Jey on the apron for the running kick to the head but Jey still won’t quit. With that not working, Reigns puts the steps on the apron and crushes Jey’s head between the steps and the post. Jey is out and Reigns is looking like this hurts him even more. The referee goes to call it because Jey is out so Reigns throws him over the top for thinking about ending things.

The other referee comes in but Reigns yells about what he’s supposed to tell his own kids for Jey making him look bad. A bunch of officials come out to tell Reigns to stop….so he throws the steps inside. Adam Pearce and company all bail out so Reigns puts the steps on top of Jey. Reigns shouts that Jey has been testing him their whole life and all he has to do is acknowledge him.

There is no going back when you go this far and now Reigns is ending him for not understanding. Reigns picks up the steps but here’s Jimmy Uso to lay on Jey for the save. Jimmy asks what is wrong with Reigns and says we can fix this. It’s Josh that is laying here in the ring and they can get through this together. Reigns starts crying and says he doesn’t know who he is anymore. Jimmy extends his hand and Reigns takes it…and then pulls him into the guillotine choke. Jey finally quits to save his brother at 29:06.

Rating: C+. I have no idea how to grade something like this as again it was more of a long segment than a match for the most part. It was similar to Clash in that regard, but I always have a problem with something like this being in the Cell, which added nothing. If people can just come in over and over, what’s the point in having the Cell other than a visual?

Now all that aside, this was more great character development stuff and shows how far Reigns has gone to the dark side. There’s something that makes it so much different when it’s family and I want to know how it’s going to be now that the Usos have to obey him. It was good, but the Cell didn’t add anything here and that gets annoying.

Post match Heyman is stunned as Afa and Sika come out to hug Reigns and put a lei around his neck.

The announcers are all emotional about what we just saw.

Elias vs. Jeff Hardy

Before the match, Elias sings about how they’re having a match but Jeff can always lean back on the booze. Elias: “WWE stands for Walk With Elias but Jeff Hardy stands for DUI.” Elias chops him against the ropes to start but Hardy snapmares him into a Hennig necksnap for two. Hardy cranks on the arm with a hammerlock and they head outside with Jeff hitting a dropkick through the ropes. A dive off the steps earns Jeff a crash into the steps but he beats the count back inside.

Elias hits a clothesline to set up the chinlock but Hardy fights up and gets a breather. The legdrop between the legs into a basement dropkick gives Jeff two and Elias is in trouble. The Twist of Fate is countered into an electric chair into a spinning powerbomb for two on Hardy. Jeff is back up with the Whisper in the Wind and now the Twist connects. Hardy loads up the Swanton but Elias rolls to the floor and grabs the guitar. That’s taken away though and Jeff cracks him with the guitar for the DQ at 7:51.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a Raw match and little more, which is about all you could have expected. Elias has never quite developed in the ring, though he can work well enough and Hardy can make up the slack with anyone. They kept things short here though and you can guarantee this continuing to promote Elias’ album.

We recap Otis vs. Miz for Otis’ Money in the Bank briefcase. Miz doesn’t want Otis to be Mr. Money in the Bank so he has tried to ruin his life. This set up the court case on Smackdown where Judge JBL made their match tonight for the briefcase.

Otis says his mama taught him to flaunt it if you’ve got it. Well he has it, and tonight Miz is going to get it.

Money in the Bank Briefcase: Miz vs. Otis

Otis is defending and John Morrison/Tucker are the seconds. Otis’ music also now starts with “Blue Collar Working Man” because we need things explained to us. Miz gets knocked down to start and Otis throws in an OH YEAH. They head to the floor with Miz being run over again but Morrison offers a distraction. Back in and the DDT gives Miz two so we hit the sleeper, with Cole saying that at Otis’ size, he probably has a bad case of sleep apnea.

With that weird statement out of the way, Miz kicks Otis in the face for two and hits the YES Kicks to the chest. The power of jiggling gets Otis out of trouble and the shirt comes off. There’s the flapjack but Morrison pulls Miz away from the Caterpillar. Morrison loads up a briefcase shot but gets caught, meaning he hides the briefcase behind his back and swears innocence. That’s good for an ejection and Otis hits a discus lariat for two. As Cole cracks up at Corey’s joke about Otis being able to power a small city, Tucker turns on Otis with a briefcase shot and Miz gets the pin at 7:26.

Rating: D. They had to do something like this as there was no reason to believe that Otis was going to win the World Title in any universe. Miz winning over anyone on Raw isn’t likely either, but it’s a lot easier to believe than Otis winning. Tucker turning on Otis gives them an out, though they’re going to have to bend the Draft rules for that long awaited Heavy Machinery showdown. In addition to that though, commentary was destroying this match as they were openly cracking up at Corey’s Otis jokes and it was really distracting. I know Otis isn’t exactly serious, but can we pretend this matters?

Miz and Morrison say how big of a deal this is and say the World Champions are on notice. Tucker comes in and shrugs off Miz and Morrison’s congratulations. He talks about how he has sacrificed everything for Otis and the team, like having him do the hot tag for the Worm or giving him the confidence to ask out Mandy Rose. Tucker has sacrificed everything for the team and he’s sick of it. Otis comes in to jump Miz and Morrison but Tucker runs off. Perfectly logical reasoning from Tucker.

We recap Bayley vs. Sasha Banks for the Smackdown Women’s Title. They feuded forever and then they teamed up to dominate the women’s divisions. Then they started losing their titles so Bayley turned on her before Banks could do the same. Banks was on the shelf with an injury thanks to Bayley but now she’s back for revenge and the title.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

Banks is challenging inside the Cell and kicks Bayley’s chair out of the Cell to make things even. The beating is on in a hurry and Banks grabs the Bank Statement, sending Bayley to the ropes. That means nothing in the Cell though so Bayley crawls to the floor for the break. Bayley drives her into the Cell but misses some kendo stick shots. Sasha throws the stick outside as well though and hits a knee to Bayley’s face. A table is set up at ringside but Bayley gets in a shot to cut her off.

That’s fine with Banks, who uses the edge of the table to drive Bayley into the Cell. A Meteora off the table into the Cell sets up another Meteora for two back inside. Bayley knocks her back to the floor though and tosses the chair at her, only to have Banks slide under the table. Said table is kicked into Bayley’s face and they go to the apron. Bayley throws her at the Cell so Sasha hangs on and jumps right back onto the apron.

A hurricanrana to the floor sends Bayley into the Cell and Banks whips her into the steps. Banks bridges some kendo sticks between the Cell and the holes in the steps but Bayley whips her through them instead. Bayley puts the sticks back and catapults Banks throat first into them this time. The reverse chinlock stays on Banks’ back and neck before Bayley sends her face first into an open chair.

The chair is wedged into the corner and Bayley hits a running sunset bomb to send Banks head first into the steel (dang that looked nasty). Bayley gets two off a top rope elbow but the bulldog driver is countered into the Bank Statement. Another crawl to the floor is enough for the escape and Bayley ties her in the ring skirt. Bayley unloads with the kendo stick shots to the back and it’s time for some duct tape and rope. Two of the sticks are taped together and wedged between the ring frame and the Cell but Banks gets in a blast with a fire extinguisher.

Bayley is fine enough to get the original chair back inside but Banks unloads on her. Banks sends her into the Cell and throws in a kendo stick to continue the beating. A lot of shouting and a lot of shots to the ribs have Bayley in more trouble but she crawls for her chair. Banks cuts that off and goes up for the frog splash but Bayley gets the chair up. The bulldog driver on the floor gives Bayley two and it’s time for a ladder, which is laid over two open chairs.

Bayley spray paints an X onto Banks and goes up top with the chair, only to hit the ladder instead. A running Meteora into the corner and a Bayley to Belly onto the ladder gives Banks two, meaning it’s frustration time. Bayley is back with her own Bayley to Belly for two so it’s time for the chair again. This time Banks pulls her down into the Bank Statement though, even tying the chair around Bayley’s neck. Some stomps to the chair to go with the hold make Bayley tap away the title at 26:32.

Rating: B. This at least felt a lot more like the violence that takes place inside the Cell, which is kind of the point of the show. Banks winning the title here makes sense and it’s not like they needed to stretch it out any longer. They beat the fire out of each other here and it felt like a bit time fight, which is entirely the point. You can all but guarantee that these two aren’t done, but hopefully they wait until TLC for the rematch.

A lot of staring ensues post match.

The Hurt Business is ready to step up and accept Mustafa Ali’s challenge. It’s going to be Bobby Lashley vs. Slapjack and MVP is even willing to raise the stakes: no cornermen or seconds, and we’ll make it a US Title match.

US Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Slapjack

Lashley is defending and this is the result of Mustafa Ali issuing a challenge on the Kickoff Show. Retribution now has regular music and a regular entrance to make sure they aren’t unique whatsoever. Lashley wastes no time in running him over and hitting a quick suplex. Back up and Slapjack scores with a dropkick to send Lashley into the corner for the Cannonball. A running DDT gives Slapjack two but Lashley isn’t having any of that. The big spinebuster sets up the Hurt Lock to retain at 3:54.

Rating: D+. Another totally standard Raw match which wouldn’t have been more filler if it was a filler item in the filler section at the filler store. There’s no such thing as a filler store you say? Well there’s also no sense in building up a team like Retribution for so many weeks and then having them lose every match like this either so it all fills out.

Post match the rest of Retribution comes in but the Hurt Business makes the easy save.

Survivor Series is Undertaker: 30. As it kind of has to be.

The Cell is lowered. Yeah we saw this about forty minutes ago. Find something new.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Drew McIntyre. Orton has had two title shots this year with McIntyre beating him both times, so Orton has attacked various legends to force McIntyre into the Cell. This is rather similar to how Summerslam was set up but you can’t expect them to come up with another new idea so soon.

Quick look at Batista in the new Gears of War game.

Raw World Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Randy Orton

Inside the Cell with McIntyre defending. McIntyre makes his entrance but here’s Orton as a cameraman to jump him from behind. That doesn’t go well for Orton, as McIntyre chops away and sends him into the Cell. The beating continues around the Cell and McIntyre takes it inside, demanding that the Cell be locked. I mean, it didn’t matter in the opener but it’s a nice idea. The bell rings and McIntyre hammers away but the threat of an RKO means he has to knock Orton outside.

Orton is driven into the cage and McIntyre shoves his face into the steel for a bonus. McIntyre sends him back first into the Cell as this is one sided so far. A chair to the ribs and back keeps Orton down but he avoids the steps being thrown at his head. The Claymore misses (mainly because McIntyre stopped way too early) and Orton hits him in the leg with a chair. Said chair is driven into McIntyre’s previously injured jaw and McIntyre is sent face first into the buckle.

Orton sends the bad jaw into the steps as well before wrapping his pants around McIntyre’s eyes. McIntyre’s face is shoved into the Cell wall and a thumb to the eye cuts off his comeback. There’s a whip into the steps and McIntyre looks shocked by the pain. A table is set up against the Cell but Orton grabs the backbreaker for one to keep McIntyre down. McIntyre is back with the overhead belly to belly and there’s a neckbreaker into the nip up. They head outside with McIntyre suplexing him through the table as the fans (uh….) think this is awesome.

Back in and Orton hits a low blow into the hanging DDT for two. Frustration is setting in so Orton whips out some bolt cutters and opens the door. McIntyre gets knocked down again and Orton climbs the Cell, which is just not going to end well. For reasons of general stupidity, McIntyre follows him up and Orton catches him with a pipe shot to the leg. Orton starts climbing down so Drew follows him, meaning it’s the fight on the side of the Cell.

Some shots to the hands finally knock McIntyre down and through the announcers’ table (not quite the biggest fall) so he come sup bleeding from the mouth. McIntyre is coughing a lot and they finally get back inside. The backslide gives McIntyre two (in a call back to Summerslam) and there’s the Claymore to send Orton outside. Back in and another Claymore misses, setting up the RKO to give Orton the pin and the title at 30:34.

Rating: B. Another good one, though your mileage on Orton winning the title back may vary. I wasn’t big on them going outside just to set up not very big crash, as they still don’t quite get the point of the Cell. That being said, they beat each other up for quite a long time here and you almost had to have Orton take the title at some point after the back to back losses. It isn’t the worst thing by far and the match was good, but it could have been better with more violence and less walking around.

Overall Rating: B. I’m really not sure what to think about this one as the big matches were good and the weaker ones were all mostly short, but man alive this did not feel important. This felt like a show they threw together without much effort and then slapped the Cell name on it to make everything work. It’s a good show and makes up for some of last year’s complete drek of a main event, but I’m not likely to remember any of this in about a week. They were in and out in three hours and it had some good stuff with several important changes, but it had no impact or punch and that’s a weird combination.

Results

Roman Reigns b. Jey Uso – Jey quit when Jimmy Uso was in a guillotine choke

Elias b. Jeff Hardy via DQ when Hardy used Elias’ guitar

Miz b. Otis – Tucker hit Otis with the Money in the Bank briefcase

Sasha Banks b. Bayley – Bank Statement with a chair around Bayley’s neck

Bobby Lashley b. Slapjack – Hurt Lock

Randy Orton b. Drew McIntyre – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

What is it about this show that makes WWE not want to build it up? Last year there were three matches set up after the final SmackDown and this time there are only five. Granted three of them are inside the Cell but don’t you think that’s a little bit low? I’m sure there will be two or three more (plus a Kickoff Show match) but for now, as of rather early Sunday morning, we only have five to work with. Let’s get to it.

Jeff Hardy vs. Elias

This is one of the two matches that was set up this week and is the only match without something on the line. They are tying this back to the May segment where Hardy allegedly hit Elias with a car and I’m not sure if that is enough to make it work out that well. It’s certainly a match that can be thrown onto pay per view with no issues, but at the same time, it might not be that thrilling.

This has to go to Elias, as there is little reason for it to continue if Hardy wins so early. If nothing else, with Elias’ album coming out this week, you don’t want to have him lose so soon. I’m not sure where they are going to go with who drove the car, mainly because it seemed like they established that it was Sheamus. Either way, the match should be fine, though it’s not something I’m looking forward to all that much.

Money In The Bank Briefcase: Otis(c) vs. The Miz

I don’t want to get on Otis for the briefcase situation because it hasn’t been his fault, but dang this has been a big fall off from where he was just a few months ago. It was one thing when the fans were there cheering for him and you could imagine him stealing the title from Braun Strowman, but there is no way you can put Otis in the ring with this version of Roman Reigns and expect it to be taken anything closer to seriously. That isn’t on Otis, but it isn’t going to work either.

Miz almost has to win here, as at least you can imagine him cashing in and taking a thrashing for daring to step to Reigns. It makes a lot more sense than Otis, and while I feel bad for Otis losing everything, a Tucker turn wouldn’t shock me. They almost have to do it here though, and that’s going to make things a little bit easier for everyone involved. Well save for Otis of course but you get the idea.

SmackDown World Title: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Jey Uso

Much like their previous match, this isn’t so much about who leaves as champion as much as how they get there, and in this case, what happens next. This story has turned more into a way of knowing what is coming but still making it interesting, which is actually a heck of a trick. Reigns has turned into something from another planet as of late and I could go for a lot more of him on top, especially if he has some lackeys with him.

Of course Reigns wins here, and it is going to be brutal to watch. That is exactly what they should be doing too and under the right circumstances, this could steal the show all over again. Reigns can turn up the brutality when he needs to and Uso is a pretty snappy underdog. Letting these two do it again inside the Cell is interesting, but they already have months worth of story ready for when Reigns wins. Good storytelling has gotten Reigns this far and it is going to get him a lot further than this after another successful title defense.

SmackDown Women’s Title: Bayley(c) vs. Sasha Banks

this is one of the most confusing and also interesting matches on the show. The story has been a very long time in the making and they have set this up very well. It’s good enough to make an exception for the first (real) match in the feud taking place inside the Cell but that leaves a heck of a question: what happens here? They really could stretch this out for several more months and possibly even make it a featured match at WrestleMania (if not the headliner), but that might be asking too much.

I think I’m going to go with Bayley retaining here, maybe by some shenanigans, as there seems to be some steam to this feud and if they play it right, this could go on all the way to WrestleMania. I’m not sure I want it to or if that’s a good idea, but I think they have Bayley hold onto the title for one more month at least. If nothing else, have Bayley debut some kind of a bodyguard that Banks has to beat next month to set up something in December. I wouldn’t be shocked at all if Banks wins, but I kind of don’t want her to just yet.

Raw World Title: Drew McIntyre(c) vs. Randy Orton

Yes we’re still on this feud that started back in July and I’m kind of over the whole thing. I don’t need to see them fight again though for some reason that’s what we’re getting for a third time. Orton isn’t the kind of guy who is going to lose over and over again on pay per view, but at the same time, he’s now 40 years old and someone who has been a made man for at least ten years. A loss wouldn’t kill him, but how much does McIntyre get after beating him twice already?

I’ll take Orton to win here, though I’d love to see McIntyre hold onto the title. Either way, I think McIntyre gets it back before WrestleMania 37 ends, though at some point he has to lose to make that a possibility. Orton tacking on another World Title isn’t the worst idea, but it isn’t a match I really need to see again as they are already repeating the same setup that got us to Summerslam.

Overall Thoughts

I keep thinking I’ve left something out of this and somehow that isn’t the case. I’m not sure why they only have five matches set for a pay per view less than twenty four hours in advance, but WWE has only had a month to set this up and that’s a lot of scripts that can be torn in half in advance. The big matches are set and that’s what matters, but dang man. How hard is it to announce a few matches on Talking Smack or Raw Talk?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 16, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s the season premiere and that means….well I’m not sure actually as there isn’t really a season finale so this could be a little bit of everything. The two big matches are Roman Reigns defending the Universal Title against Braun Strowman and the New Day’s farewell six man tag. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence has been updated to include the new roster.

The roster, including Daniel Bryan, is on the stage so HHH and Stephanie McMahon can welcome us to the show. They run down the card (and make a Rick James reference) and introduce some of the new/old names on the roster. That includes the Street Profits but Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode jump the champs from behind and it’s a big brawl to start. Cue Lars Sullivan to clear the ring, leaving Apollo Crews and Chad Gable (Cole called him Gable to give me a glimmer of hope) to be decimated. Jeff Hardy manages to knock Sullivan tot he floor and we take a break.

Lars Sullivan vs. Jeff Hardy

Sullivan runs Hardy over to start and tosses him down with ease. The top rope headbutt misses and Hardy slugs away to limited avail. The Whisper in the Wind gets two and Sullivan sends him outside again. A drop onto the apron gives Sullivan two but Hardy is right back with the Twist of Fate. Sullivan is up before Jeff can get to the top and he pulls Hardy down for the Freak Accident and the pin at 4:18.

Rating: C-. This was all about Sullivan and it worked out fine. Sullivan shrugged off Hardy’s big move which has helped him get to more than one World Title. That makes Sullivan look like a heck of a monster and that’s all it needed to do. Hardy isn’t going to be hurt by a loss and that’s totally fine. Not a great match, but good storytelling.

Bianca Belair vignette.

Here’s New day for their farewell match. Big E. talks about how they have finally found the one thing stronger than the power of positivity: the WWE Draft. Kofi gets a little emotional when talking about all of their moments together. We hear about becoming the longest reigning Tag Team Champions, their wars with the Usos and all of the tears when Kofi won the WWE Championship. Woods tears up a bit when talking about being given a chance by two people he didn’t deserve. Big E. talks about having breakfasts in Waffle House and talking about their families and his….TV or something.

Kofi talks about being unsure about being unsure if he wanted to keep wrestling in 2012 when the two of them came up to him and told him about an idea. Yeah they had some special moments but Kofi thinks of them as brothers and starts crying again. Now they’re going to do this one more time because NEW DAY ROCKS. This was almost hard to watch as these guys are a legitimate special team. You could feel the emotion between them and that’s something you can’t fake.

Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura/Sheamus are ready to end these pancake eating Muppets.

New Day vs. Sheamus/Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura

This is New Day’s farewell and their first six man tag in over a year. Nakamura takes Woods down to start before it’s off to Kingston, who gets kicked in the face. A dropkick gets Kingston out of trouble and it’s off to Big E., who is put on Woods’ shoulders for a splash on Cesaro. Sheamus and Cesaro shoulder Woods down to take over again though and Sheamus drops a knee.

Woods is quickly over for the tag though and Kingston comes in with a top rope splash. The villains take him to the floor for the triple ram into the post and it’s Kingston in trouble for a change. Nakamura chokes in the corner and Cesaro powers Kofi down with ease. Kingston gets knocked over the top and into the corner as we take another break. Back with Kofi hitting Trouble in Paradise on Cesaro and handing it back to Big E. to clean house.

The Rock Bottom out of the corner onto Woods’ knees gets two but the springboard tornado is broken up. Nakamura’s sliding German suplex gets two but Woods sends him to the floor. Kofi hits the big no hands dive and then kicks Sheamus in the head. Back in and Kofi dives into a kick from Nakamura, setting off the parade of strikes. Sheamus shouts that New Day is nothing without he and Cesaro before missing a charge into the post. That’s enough to set the Midnight Hour for the pin on Sheamus at 14:55.

Rating: B-. For as special as New Day has been and with all of their wacky shenanigans, they can also wrestle a very good trios match. That’s what they had here, and it’s especially fitting that the Bar, who are probably their greatest rivals not named the Usos, were included. New Day really was a big deal and if the World Title wasn’t on the line here, this should have main evented the show. I’m going to miss them, even if it’s all but a guarantee that they’ll have a reunion one day.

Post match New Day huddles and Big E. talks about what their time together means to him. That’s a special moment.

Otis is asked about everything that has gone wrong for him as of late and here’s Sami Zayn to mention all of the bad stuff. Otis shoves him down and Sami is stunned.

Here’s Daniel Bryan to talk about how cool it is to be in the Thunder Dome for the first time. We see Brie Bella and Bryan’s daughter Birdie in the virtual audience for a nice moment. Bryan talks about what we have going on tonight and we hear about all of the new names coming to the show for the next year. Bryan is looking forward to facing a lot of these people in the ring but here’s Seth Rollins to interrupt. Cole: “Some will say one of the most important Draft picks in the history of Friday Night Smackdown.” No Cole, no one is really saying that. Stop lying to us.

Anyway, Rollins says he is here to lead Smackdown and he wants to know which side Bryan is on. Bryan talks about wanting to save the planet but Rollins’ vision sounds self centered and a little dumb. Rollins: “You don’t mean that Bryan.” The fight is on and Rollins stomps away but Bryan hits a running clothesline.

The jacket comes off and the threat of a YES Kick sends Rollins bailing. Cue Rey Mysterio and Dominik Mysterio to chase Rollins back to the ring and Bryan walks away, leaving Rollins all alone. Now it’s Murphy running in and Rollins is knocked to the floor in a hurry. With Rollins gone, Murphy sticks out his hand but Rey and Dominik leave.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Street Profits vs. Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode

Ziggler and Roode are challenging. Dawkins dropkicks Ziggler down to start but misses the spinning splash in the corner. Roode comes in and stomps Dawkins down in the corner, followed by a toss into the Fameasser for two. Everything breaks down and it’s a double DQ at 1:32. Well ok then. Probably pay per view rematch time.

Post match Roode and Ziggler hit a spinebuster/Zig Zag combination on Dawkins but Ford hits a high crossbody onto both of them.

We look back at Bayley vs. Sasha Banks from last week, which set up their match in the Cell.

Here are Bayley and Banks for the contract signing, with Adam Pearce overseeing things. Banks signs in a hurry but Bayley says she is wanting to get this out of the way so she can continue her record setting reign. Bayley says Banks has been waiting to turn on her but Banks says if she could have she would have. Banks promises to take the title so Bayley grabs the chair, which Banks grabs as well. Bayley bails without signing, so Banks promises to make her sign no matter what.

Smackdown World Title: Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns, with Paul Heyman, is defending and Strowman is in street clothes. A Superman Punch puts Strowman on the floor to start and Reigns adds the apron dropkick. Reigns knocks him around again, including sending Strowman face first into the announcers’ table. Strowman gets in a shot of his own and sends him over the announcers’ table, followed by the running shoulder over the barricade.

Back from a break with Strowman hitting…something in the corner as the camera stays on Goldberg in the crowd. Reigns tries the Superman Punch but gets caught in a choke. That’s switched into a powerbomb, followed by the chokeslam for two on Reigns. The kickout includes a low blow (that’s a brilliant spot) and the spear gets two. Another spear is countered into a powerslam attempt but Reigns slips out. Strowman tries a pop up powerbomb but Reigns counters into a guillotine choke of all things and Strowman taps at 10:40.

Rating: C. The match was more about checking a box on Reigns’ run with the title as he has now slayed a monster. Strowman had as much of a chance of winning here as I do of being Miss Nevada 1979 and that’s fine for this kind of a spot. If nothing else, they established that Reigns has a submission now and Jey Uso is in danger at the pay per view. Oh and please no Goldberg. I mean….please just don’t. No one wants to go there.

Post match here’s Jey Uso to stare Reigns down as Reigns hits a spear on Strowman. Reigns grabs a chair and says if he can do this to Strowman, what could he do to Jey? Reigns unloads on Strowman with chair shots, so here are the referees and agents to….not quite break it up. More chair shots keeps Strowman down so Uso gets in, with Reigns dropping the chair. Reigns says this makes no sense and tells Uso to beat on Strowman instead.

Uso grabs the chair and Reigns turns his back so Uso can hit him. Jimmy doesn’t do it, instead punching Reigns in the face and superkicking him down. Jey shouts that he loves Reigns too and chairs him down, drawing the referees back in. With Uso being held back, Reigns hits the Superman Punch and says it took him turning his back for Jey to have his best shot. Reigns leaves as Jey is down to end the show. Again, this is the best story going today and this worked very well again.

Overall Rating: C+. This show felt more like a getting to know you edition and that’s what it should have been. With the big FOX presentation and the Season Premiere deal, it makes sense to go in that direction and it worked out well enough. Outside of the six man, the wrestling wasn’t much to see but what we got was fine. It’s nothing great, but as the first step into a much longer world, it was a nice effort.

Results

Lars Sullivan b. Jeff Hardy – Freak Accident

New Day b. Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura/Sheamus – Midnight Hour to Sheamus

Street Profits vs. Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode went to a double DQ when all four brawled

Roman Reigns b. Braun Strowman – Guillotine choke

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Highspots

Lucha Aboveground
Date: May 5, 2019
Location: Hebron Hall, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Colt Cabana, Marty DeRosa

This is one of the shows I picked up in the big Highspots sale earlier this year and this time around it’s a video download, meaning I have even less to go on. We’re looking at $5 Wrestling this time around and I’m not exactly thinking this is going to be the most serious stuff in the world. Let’s get to it.

As usual, this isn’t a promotion I know anything about so I’m sorry in advance if I miss any plot points (if there are any).

Colt and Marty speak some Spanish to open the show with Colt not being pleased with the quality of his seven grade Spanish class education. We get a preview of the show, with various wrestlers being named with El in front of their names. Even the referee will be under a mask!

They are even going to have a five (or six) way match with the loser getting unmasked. Colt: “And more money for losing his mask.” Colt has also been giving Rush commentary lessons in exchange for teaching him Spanish. The two of them bicker a bit about throwing it to an interview and no, they don’t think that will be edited out. This isn’t going to be the most serious thing in the world is it?

Interviewer Jake Manning is with Mr. Thunderbolt, who has been having a social media feud with Jeff Hart that only Manning knew about. Thunderbolt talks about how there was a guy who thought he was too good for $5 Wrestling a few years ago, so he can come see Thunderbolt today. Then he speaks some Spanish and Manning says the guy who runs Lucha Underground is ticked. As for Hart, who says he is from Canada, Thunderbolt has a George South shirt, which is pink and black. That’s as close as Hart is ever going to get to being Canadian.

Apparently Hart has said he b**** slapped a woman, and since Thunderbolt (a man) is Ladies Champion, that isn’t cool. Then Hart kept running his mouth and Thunderbolt knows that he is a crack mouth (Jake: “And a meth mouth.”). This is wrestling, and Hart needs to either get ready to get hurt or get out of the business. Last time Hart challenged Jake Manning so tonight, Thunderbolt will fight for him.

Manning interviews Jeff Hart, who threatens to break Manning’s hand. Hart won’t look at the camera and calls Thunderbolt a b****, just like every American woman. See, Thunderbolt can’t understand English and Hart will destroy the storm. He can beat up a tornado and he’ll do it again. Manning mentions Matt Hardy’s old “I can slam a tornado” theme so Hart threatens to slap him again.

Hart is a legend and wants to face the Great Muta and Abdullah the Butcher. Manning looks astounded as Hart threatens to stab Abdullah in the fork (yes in the fork). Hart: “Iron Sheik, go f*** your mother!” Manning, seemingly trying not to burst out laughing: “Anything else you have to say?” Hart: “Jake Manning, go f*** yourself.” You can hear the production team laughing out loud as Hart walks off. Hart had an accent and seemed to have some kind of a speech issue and the interview kind of implied he had some mental trouble as well, so this was more than a little awkward at times. Funny, but awkward.

Mr. Thunderbolt vs. Jeff Hart

Colt and Marty are on commentary and we can see them watching from behind ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. We even have a masked lucha referee. Thunderbolt jumps him before the bell to start fast and Thunderbolt, who looks to be near middle age, hiptosses him down a few times and hits a delayed slam. Back up and Hart bails to the floor, leaving Thunderbolt to drop to the mat with no one there to jump over him. Hart stalls on the floor and yells at a woman dubbed Local Babe.

Back in and the headlock doesn’t last long for Thunderbolt so he runs him over with a should. We get some miscommunication so Thunderbolt grabs a headlock (Colt: “Just grab a head kid!”) to take him over. That’s reversed into a headscissors as commentary mocks Hart’s lack of mobility. Thunderbolt manages to handstand his way to freedom and grabs a headlock. That stays on for a good bit as Thunderbolt talks to Hart a bit. Some bad choking goes on and it’s time to discuss what kind of drink Hart would prefer.

A distracted referee doesn’t see Hart get in a low blow so Thunderbolt rolls to the floor for a breather. Hart’s running leg nudge hits Thunderbolt and the referee trips as he follows them out. That’s about as par for the course as you could get around here and I’m glad to see it. Back in and Hart kicks away (Marty: “Eat your heart out Miz.”) but Thunderbolt starts firing up.

A clothesline connects and they’re both down again. Back up and a running….uh….well contact of some kind takes Hart down for two. Commentary can’t believe that a kid is yawning again in the front row but get distracted by Hart trying a Stunner but Thunderbolt falls backwards. Somehow that’s enough for Hart to get the pin at 9:44.

Rating: D+. Oh I was right about what I was getting myself into here and I’m cool with that. You had two rather overweight guys doing their thing out there (whatever that thing is supposed to be) and while it wasn’t exactly a masterpiece (or even anything resembling good), that was kind of the point and it worked well enough.

The crowd is uh, not quite impressed. Cabana: “MUY BIEN!”

Raider Rock (who looked to be about 52 years old and has a growth on his face) is ready to defend the honor of his student, Psycho, against King Jeremy Snaker. Psycho was injured in a car wreck and Rock has a bad elbow. Last night, Raider cheated to beat him (Manning: “Nobody saw that but it happened!”) but he’s ready to dominate, terminate and exterminate. Manning calls him out for saying his catchphrase really fast and explains how important a catchphrase is. Rock tries it again and gets it a little better this time.

Jeremy Snaker, with his valet Avril, talks about beating up Rock yesterday (with Manning again saying that no one saw that) and won’t answer questions about Avril being an old flame. Manning has been watching the Dark Side of the Ring on Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth so he tells Avril to stay away from Lex Luger. Snaker hopes Rock can keep up and no he didn’t visit Psycho in the hospital. Avril says Rock and Psycho got what they deserved.

So if you’re not getting this, the idea is that these people either aren’t wrestlers or actors. It’s being presented like they were brought in off the street but have characters and history, which does kind of fit into the overall theme. It’s taking a lot to get used to, but Manning is making it work by playing it mostly straight. Or as straight as you can be in a situation like this.

UCWF Title: Jeremy Snaker vs. Raider Rock

Rock is challenging and has a bad arm but demands that it’s title vs. career. Snaker takes him into the corner to start and kicks away as commentary tries to recap the story again. As commentary makes fun of Snaker for being dressed like Diesel, Snaker hits a piledriver and grabs an armbar. Snaker goes after the leg to change things up, with commentary not getting the logic. Rock takes him down before they awkwardly collide in the corner.

Snaker awkwardly kicks and chops in the corner before completely whiffing on a running enziguri, sending commentary into hysterics. Another missed superkick sends Rock into the corner anyway and a spear gets two. A very sloppy Pedigree (Colt: “That’s a Pedi-disagree.”) gets no count as Rock pops up (work with me here) and dropkicks the knee. Rock grabs a half crab and pulls back on the chin for the tap and the title at 4:33.

Rating: C. This was entertaining in a completely horrible way and that’s what they were shooting for. I’d be curious to know where they find these guys but that makes it all the more mysterious….I think. The Pedi-Disagree line was great and got an actual chuckle, which you don’t get very often out of a show like this. Keeping it short was important too, but it’s not like the wrestling is important in the slightest around here.

Post match Rock says he’s getting rid of his demon (?) side, meaning no more face paint.

Manning is with Wrestle Ranger (a guy in a cheap looking White Power Ranger costume, but today he’s LUCHA LIBRE Ranger. They aren’t sure about the copyright issues but they’ll roll with it anyway. Tonight, Ranger is in a five (or possibly six) way match where the loser must unmask.

It’s ok though, because he’s used to working with five other people and he’s usually the best of them all. Manning: “I should have watched more show I must not speak of.” After hoping that Zordon is the right reference (Manning: “It’s either him or Gandalf.”), Manning asks Ranger about his chances, with Ranger crediting his special coin. That sends us into references of Super Mario, Transformers and Voltron.

One Horned Liger is back in $5 Wrestling and he’s glad that he was asked to return. He even has all new gear, even though he has been unmasked before. Manning takes the blame for this, saying he had been drinking a lot that night. Liger: “If it happens, it happens.”

El Moono Dos vs. El Quako vs. Miguel Leavy vs. One Horned Liger vs. Wrestle Ranger

Everyone is in a mask and I think this is one fall to a finish. The masses go after the huge Quako until Moono spinebusters Ranger. Liger gives Moono a Codebreaker (for a face first fall) into a Cannonball in the corner for two and it’s ranger chopping Moono out to the floor. Quako comes in for a double chokeslam but falls down himself, allowing Leavy to hit a basement dropkick.

Miguel hits a Samoan driver for two on Ranger and it’s Quako hitting running splashes in the corner. The big splash crushes everyone as Quako’s shorts have mostly fallen down. Ranger and Liger clear the ring until Liger dives onto a bunch of people at once. Ranger slips on a springboard before diving onto even more, leaving Liger to hit a Swanton for the pin on Leavy at 5:16.

Rating: D. This was the first match on the show that was neither good nor funny, which brought it way down. For the first time it felt like they were trying too hard for the gag and even the shorter length didn’t help things. The botch felt right at home, but there was too much going on here to make it work.

Post match Leavy is unmasked as….Mike Leavy. This is treated as a big surprise.

Leavy says he is here because he is in demand and his manager insists no one can handle the Strong Arm. Maybe he can start losing to bigger and bigger names! Jake Manning things he could be the Jim Duggan of the promotion. Mike: “I hope to win. Realistically I might not.”

Little Donnie is ready to challenge Big Donnie and Porkchop Cash Jr., but he doesn’t have a partner. He isn’t picky though. The Burke County Boys (Big Donnie and Porkchop) come in to say they’ll give Little Donnie another beating. Little Donnie says he’s gotten beaten up a few times before, sending Manning into a rather nice speech about how he wishes he could be Little Donnie’s partner but he has to work the camera. And now we’re done because the knots on Little Donnie’s head are making Manning uncomfortable.

Terry Houston vs. Black Angel

Houston jumps him from behind as commentary laughs about their attires. Some shots to the face have Angel in trouble so Houston very slowly walks around. A slam gives Houston two and it’s time to choke a bit. Angel slowly fights up and hammers away so Houston hits a headbutt. This goes as poorly as you would imagine and it’s Angel getting in a swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 4:01.

Rating: D. Yeah the charm is wearing off fast with this show and that’s not going to make the last two matches much easier to watch. This was the battle of the big men and thank goodness it was short. Even with the four minute run time, there was a lot of stalling, making me long for the days of the Colossal Jostle.

Post match the Burke County Boys run in to beat down Angel but Little Donnie runs in for a failed save attempt. Cue Jeremy Snaker to stomp on Little Donnie as well, followed by El Moono for the same. Now Raider Rock joins in too (Cabana: “Come on creative team. We’re doing this?”) but we get…the 20^th Century Fox theme?

Now it’s Dynamite, a bald guy who seems more interested in dancing with the fans than making a save. He walks around the ring, (accidentally knocking over a young girl in the process), poses and dances some more….and then leaves, all while Little Donnie has been taking a horrible beating (as in the beating itself was done horribly). Hold on though as the music starts again and this time Dynamite comes out in his wrestling gear for the actual save. Dynamite clears the ring and we’re making this a tag match.

Burke County Boys vs. Dynamite/Little Donnie

For some reason, Little Donnie tarts despite barely being able to stand. The huge Big Donnie splashes him in the corner and Cash comes in for two off a suplex. Little Donnie fights up for a chop off (Commentary: “BIG CHOP! PORK CHOP!”) and it’s back to Big Donnie to keep him in trouble in the corner. A big splash to the back set up a rather large Rings of Saturn before Cash is back in for some fish hooking.

Little Donnie fights up with a snapmare and cranks on both arms, because he’s not that bright you see. Big Donnie comes back in for a jumping kick to the chest (rather generously called a dropkick) and we hit the chinlock. Little Donnie finally gets up, hits Big Donnie once, and walks over for the tag to Dynamite.

House is cleaned as a manager we saw earlier in the night comes out to check on the fan Dynamite ran over earlier. Big Donnie hits a splash for two on Dynamite (Marty: “What did Dynamite do to that man???”) but pops back up with a cutter for his own two on Cash. Dynamite and Big Donnie fight to the floor with Dynamite chasing the Boys off with a chair but it’s a double countout at 7:29.

Rating: D+. This actually had a story to it but the joke of them being so inept at what they’re doing wore a little thin. Having an actual story, at least one which seemed to have some legs to it, is a nice change of pace though and we haven’t seen that throughout the show so far. Bad match, but it was nice to see a different presentation.

$5 Wrestling Champion Freight Train, sounding like a bit of a country hick, says he’s ready for Deon Johnson tonight. Deon isn’t going to take him off the tracks and Train isn’t letting Johnson get away with what he has been saying. He also isn’t saying Johnson’s tag partner’s name because he isn’t on the show. Train even calls out Johnson’s sister (Deonna) to come to the ring and take a Train Wreck of her own. She can go “crying like a woman” when she sees her brother getting beaten up by the Freight Train.

Yes he has a big gut because of all the beer and fried chicken but he’s been exercising because he doesn’t back down from no man. Train has a smooth belly and knows how to cut promos real good (his words) and he’s tall like Shaquille O’Neal. It’s Choo Choo time and he’s going to do some Shaq Fu tonight. Train: “I used to play the Shaq Fu game.”

He talks about playing it on Super Nintendo AND Sega Genesis before throwing a few kicks of his own. Train apologizes for sweating like a preacher while cutting his promo, because it’s hot in here and he’s sweating while cutting a promo. He promises to “smack the Hershey chocolate” off of Deon Johnson three different times and yes it’s Choo Choo time.

That was one of the most fascinating promos I’ve ever seen and it was actually in a good way. It started off sounding like it was going to be stupid and stereotypical, but Train was so incredibly bad and just kept going that it went back around and became funny. He repeated things multiple times, had some of the longest run on sentences I’ve ever heard and rambled beyond belief, all of which combined to make the whole thing incredible. It went on for the better part of five minutes and I wound up wanting to hear more. Well done, albeit by being so bad.

$5 Wrestling Title: Freight Train vs. Deon Johnson

Johnson is challenging and has strawberry themed gear. They talk trash to start, with the much bigger Train shoving him down. More staring ensues and Deon powers him into the corner, only to get bopped (not so much punched) n the head for a trip to the floor. Back in and the trash talk continues until Deon fails at a slam attempt. Train slams him down with ease and it’s time to stall some more.

Back in and Johnson unloads in the corner, only to get knocked down with a single shot. A low blow finally slows Train down and Johnson kicks away at his knee. Johnson’s manager (billed as Ric Flair’s nephew) chokes Train in the corner, meaning that Train can do more of his form of selling, which is him making various wincing faces while standing still in the corner. Train knocks him down again and we hit the chinlock, which doesn’t touch the chin and doesn’t seem to have much locking included.

That’s good for two arm drops before Johnson fights up and actually knocks Train down. Johnson drops an elbow for two and we hit a facelock, again minus the lock. For a bonus, Johnson rubs his gum over Train’s head and then takes out his teeth to put them in Train’s eye. Hold on though as Johnson gets in a shouting match with Dynamite in the front row. Train hits a running splash in the corner and CHOO CHOO sets up a running forearm (which looked like it was out of a wrestling scene in a sitcom) to retain the title at 9:22.

Rating: C-. Much like Train’s promo, this is firmly in the “so bad it’s funny” category, which works out well for the entire show. Train is one of the more interesting people to watch on the whole show, even though he might be the worst performer around. He’s literally just a big guy who jogs people over and that’s all he needs to be. It’s terrible, but it’s a funny kind of terrible and that’s ok.

Post match Train’s manager and Dynamite come in to celebrate.

Commentary talks about how Dynamite, who was retired, is creeping back in and seems ready to steal the show again. They recap the event and no one is happy with Jeff Hart being back. Cabana talks about how we need a fake Jake Roberts and a fake Diamond Dallas Page. If you’ve never wrestled before, come on down and we’ll put you on the roster! Commentary signs off, but not before mocking fans who have downloaded or torrented the show. Cabana: “It’s five dollars!” More quick jokes about how awesome this show is wrap us up.

Overall Rating: C. As you could probably tell by…well really just the title of the show, this is pure comedy and is absolutely not meant to be taken seriously. The wrestlers are bare bones trained and that’s the entire joke. The best way to put it would be that this is a bunch of people doing wrestling things instead of actually wrestling. It’s a joke that can get old at times but then they have something that makes me laugh and it makes things a little bit better.

Probably the most important thing though is this show lasts an hour and a half. They don’t overstay their welcome, which means the world on a comedy show. It isn’t quality and it isn’t something I want to watch regularly, but for the price (and I got it on sale) and some of Marty and Colt’s jokes, watching a random show from these guys is not the worst idea.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6