Smackdown – May 22, 2018: It’s Amazing How Much The Lack Of Awful Helps

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 22, 2018
Location: DCU Center, Worcester, Massachusetts
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

We’re getting closer and closer to Money in the Bank and this week is going to be all about some major announcements. In this case, that would mean the announcement of which New Day member will be participating in the men’s Money in the Bank ladder match, along with the stipulation for AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here’s Miz in the ring with MizTV to get things going. Miz starts off with the big news that his reality series Miz and Mrs. will debut on July 24, right after Smackdown. With that out of the way, it’s time to bring out his guests, the New Day. After insulting their taste in television for not being sure if they’ll watch Miz and Mrs., Miz asks which of them will be in Money in the Bank. Their answer: Me!

Woods lists off everything Miz has done and praises his success but Miz asks why Kofi has never won Money in the Bank. Kofi won a lot of titles but six of those matches in and it hasn’t gotten him anywhere. Big E. has crazy amounts of charisma and power but hasn’t gotten the spotlight. Then you have Woods with his YouTube empire. Miz can’t remember the name of the game Woods might stream, but imagine if it was streamed with him as WWE Champion.

New Day each picks a different member to get the shot so Miz yells at them to pick something. Kofi picks Big E. but Woods says they’re talking about tonight. Miz says no match because they won’t give him what he wants. That makes them shame him, which means throwing pancakes at Miz to send him running. Once Miz gets to the back, Paige sends him back to the ring to face Big E. right now.

Big E. vs. The Miz

Woods is on commentary as Graves asks how Miz can be prepared to compete. Woods: “He’s in his gear!” Big E. tosses Miz into the corner but gets kicked in the ribs. The abdominal stretch cuts Miz off and the spanks are thrown in for some humiliation. Big E. even scores with the apron splash but Woods says that’s the round. Kofi pulls up a chair and pours some syrup into Big E.’s mouth like a boxer would do between rounds, even down to the spit bucket.

Miz sends him into the barricade though and we take a break. Back with Kofi now on commentary and still not picking who is going to the ladder match. Big E. charges into a knee but here’s the Bar to go after Woods. Kofi dives onto both of them but the distraction lets Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin at 10:47.

Rating: C-. I could go for a Big E. push but that doesn’t include him losing to Miz. Then again, this could probably be classified as building momentum and that means he can lose all he can and then win the ladder match. Or they could go with whichever member of New Day doesn’t lose a match on the way to the show.

We look at Daniel Bryan beating up Big Cass last week, who isn’t cleared to compete.

Bryan talks about dealing with Big Cass and now he’s ready to get another shot in Money in the Bank by beating Jeff Hardy tonight and moving on to face Samoa Joe in a qualifying match next week.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Billie Kay vs. Lana

Aiden English introduces Lana and sings the Lana Song. Not to be outdone, the Iconics sing a duet about Lana being a loser. The bell rings and Aiden pulls out a LANA DAY sign as Tom mentions that Lana has never won a singles match. Royce slaps Aiden so Lana slaps Billie and the fight is on. Back in and Lana scores with a kick to the head, followed by a sloppy facebuster for the pin at 1:12. A big LANA DAY chant breaks out.

Zelina Vega wants more respect for Andrade Cien Almas.

Andrade Cien Almas vs. ???

Almas laughs in his face to start and punches him down. A few elbows give the jobber a breather so Almas elbows him in the face. The running knees in the corner set up the hammerlock DDT to give Almas the pin at 1:53.

Carmella says she’s ready to beat Asuka because she’s not ready to slip and fall. Charlotte shattered the Asuka myth at Wrestlemania and she’s beaten Charlotte twice. Therefore, she’s twice as good as Charlotte. Stick to screaming champ.

Here are AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura o announce the stipulation for Money in the Bank. Nakamura doesn’t understand what a stipulation is but can show us a clip of him defeating Styles last week. He’s been thinking very carefully and wants to dishonor Styles at Money in the Bank. Nakamura picks a pillow fight, which AJ doesn’t think much about. Not that it matters as Nakamura wants to dishonor AJ at Money in the Bank.

The fight is on with AJ blocking the low blow and taking it outside. A chair shot misses as well and Nakamura gets sent into the crowd. AJ tries a springboard off the barricade but gets chaired down, allowing Nakamura to hit Kinshasa. Nakamura makes it a Last Man Standing match. Makes sense given most of their matches.

Usos vs. Anderson and Gallows

The winners gets a title shot at Money in the Bank. After some trash talking before the bell, the fight is on with the Usos knocking them both to the floor for a big dive from Jimmy. Back with Jey kicking Anderson in the head but knocking him into the corner for the tag off to Gallows. That just means another kick to the head and a Superfly Splash for two. Gallows hits his own superkick and the Magic Killer sends Anderson and Gallows to Money in the Bank at 5:20. Not enough shown to rate but it’s high time to give the Bludgeon Brothers some fresh competition.

The Last Man Standing match is confirmed.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Naomi vs. Sonya Deville

Naomi starts fast with some rollups for two each as we see other qualifiers watching in the back. Sonya gets in some right hands and a shot to the back for two. A spinebuster gives Sonya two more but Naomi comes back with some kicks. They trade enough kicks for a double knockdown, only to have Naomi grab another rollup for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: D+. Naomi is the right call as she’s a bigger star and has the crazy athleticism needed to make something like the ladder match fun. I’m not sure what Sonya did to warrant getting a second chance at getting into the match but at least they got the winner right, which isn’t always the case.

Jeff Hardy is excited for a chance to be in the ladder match because he can do a lot with ladders.

Jeff Hardy vs. Daniel Bryan

The winner gets Samoa Joe, on commentary here, in a Money in the Bank qualifying match next week. Feeling out process to start until Bryan shoulders him down for two. The moonsault over Jeff into the running clothesline is countered with an atomic drop. Bryan rolls outside and we take a break. Back with stereo crossbodies putting both of them down again.

Its Bryan up first and kicking Jeff to the floor but missing the apron knee. Jeff scores with a running clothesline from the apron but takes too long going up top. The delay allows Bryan to tie him in the Tree of Woe for a running dropkick. Jeff blocks a belly to back superplex though and scores with a Whisper in the Wind for two. The Twist of Fate is countered and Bryan kicks away, only to get caught with the Twist.

The Swanton hits knees (with a great bounce off the crash) so Bryan kicks him in the head for two more. Another Twist is countered into a dragon screw legwhip and Bryan slaps on a heel hook for the tap at 11:23. That would be the second time that the US Champion has lost clean in Money in the Bank matches.

Rating: B. Champion losing again aside, this was a fun match with both guys looking like stars who could have gotten the win. Bryan needed the win to get back on track after the Rusev loss, but I’m not sure I can picture him beating Joe next week. Then again I’m not sure I can picture Joe losing to Bryan either, and that makes for a much more interesting match.

Post match Joe says Bryan gets him next week. Joe goes to the back and says next week, Bryan goes to sleep. Yes yes yes.

Overall Rating: C. I never thought I’d have to say this, but it’s amazing how much better a show is without a segment involving men in drag pretending to be Bobby Lashley’s sisters. It also helps to have some of the matches actually mean something, which is a big place where Raw failed. Having more qualifying matches tonight made the show feel important and with a big main event next week, Smackdown is already looking like it’s in the lead against Raw.

Results

The Miz b. Big E. – Skull Crushing Finale

Lana b. Billie Kay – Facebuster

Andrade Cien Almas b. ??? – Hammerlock DDT

Anderson and Gallows b. Usos – Magic Killer to Jimmy

Naomi b. Sonya Deville – Rollup

Daniel Bryan b. Jeff Hardy – Heel hook

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – May 8, 2018: That Might Get Some People Talking

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 8, 2018
Location: Royal Farms Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s Money in the Bank season and qualifying matches are in the air. Last night’s Monday Night Raw saw three qualifying matches and tonight Smackdown will equal that amount with three matches already announced. Unfortunately they’re not the most intriguing matches but at least they’re getting them out of the way early. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Backlash if you need a recap.

Here’s Paige to open things up. After recapping Backlash (erg, enough), it’s time to talk about Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles. The match was on its way towards being a classic (not exactly) when the double low blow stopped things. We’ll be back to that later but for now it’s time to talk about Money in the Bank. She needs the best in the match so we’ll start….now.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Jeff Hardy vs. The Miz

Non-title. Miz cranks on the arm to start as the announcers talk about Miz’s history in the Money in the Bank match. Jeff sends him outside and hits Poetry in Motion against the barricade but it’s way too early for the Swanton. We take a break and come back with Jeff holding an armbar as the pace stays slow. The Reality Check gets two on Jeff but he elbows out of a Skull Crushing Finale attempt.

They head outside with Jeff getting the better of a slugout as the sleeves of Jeff’s shirt make me want a rainbow pop. The legdrop between the legs and the Twisting Stunner rock Miz but again he gets out of the way before the Swanton. Miz slams him neck first onto the apron and we take another break.

Back again with Jeff jawbreaking his way out of a chinlock and getting two off the Whisper in the Wind. A baseball slide knocks Miz to the floor but again he avoids the Swanton, this time with a good crotching. Instead it’s a sunset bomb for two as the back and forth continues. The Twist of Fate gets two and a corner dropkick sets up Hardiac Arrest (the other corner dropkick). Another Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton for real this time, but Miz rolls him up for the pin at 20:16.

Rating: B. First of all, good back and forth match. Now for the problem (and I’d bet on this being right): this isn’t going to mean a thing as far as the US Title is confirmed. The champion just got pinned clean and I have a feeling we’re not going to hear a word about Miz wanting to be champion. Money in the Bank has done this before and it makes things all the dumber. Miz just pinned the US Champion clean and I’d be actually surprised if anything happens to the title as a result. I really hope I’m wrong, but odds are that’s where this is going.

Sheamus is eating Lucky Charms because it’s all that makes him feel better after losing to Xavier Woods last week. Cesaro compares it to a hawk losing a mouse between its claws. Sheamus: “I know! I was in the match!” Cesaro says he could have won so he agrees to face Woods tonight as well. He opens his bag and finds….pancakes. Sheamus finds the same thing and panic ensues. I like New Day a lot but WHY ARE PANCAKES FUNNY???

Sanity is coming.

We look at stills of Nakamura vs. Styles.

Renee Young talks to Nakamura, who isn’t cleared for competition tonight. In regards to the issues being over, no speak English. I mean, he knew it before but he’s forgotten it. As for AJ, they’re both nuts (laugh from the crowd) and they’re not finished.

Carmella screeches about beating Charlotte and it’s time to party. She’ll be celebrating next week in London. The Royal Family isn’t invited, just like Ric Flair isn’t invited. Speaking of Flair, did you know he has a daughter? Carmella beat her on Sunday.

Tye Dillinger says seven competitors down on the mat plus one contract plus one ladder plus one person left equals a perfect ten.

Naomi is going to make whomever is champion feel the Glow.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Charlotte vs. Peyton Royce

Before the match, Billie says Charlotte’s loss made her uncle overcome his stutter because he was laughing so hard. Peyton tries to imitate the look but it’s only funny when Charlotte does it. They lock up to start with Charlotte shoving her around. A toss to the floor takes us to an early break. Back with Peyton grabbing a chinlock before choking in the corner. A half nelson over the ropes with her legs has Charlotte in even more trouble and we hit another chinlock. Charlotte fights up with a neckbreaker by the hair but misses a big boot (but Peyton doesn’t sell it like Carmella did on Sunday).

A rollup gets two on Peyton and Charlotte dives onto Billie, leaving Peyton to grab a swinging neckbreaker on the floor. The referee gets distracted by Peyton so Billie can snap Charlotte’s neck across the top, setting up a spinning kick to the face for two. Charlotte is right back with the big boot, only to have the moonsault hit knees. Royce kicks the knee out for two but gets speared down. The Figure Eight makes Peyton tap at 12:56.

Rating: B-. This was a nice surprise, if nothing else as I was getting worried that Charlotte would lose back to back matches. They went with the right call here though as Charlotte is more interesting and you can put Billie in the match later. Just having one of them in there basically means they’re both in there and that’s all you need.

Daniel Bryan is ready to go win the Money in the Bank briefcase again because he cashed in the briefcase right here in Baltimore.

Shelton says he’ll win the briefcase.

Asuka says she’ll win the briefcase.

Xavier Woods vs. Cesaro

Hang on though as Big E. and Kofi have to throw out pancakes. Woods hits and moves but stops himself from running into the referee, allowing Cesaro to run him over. There’s a gutwrench suplex and we take a break. Back with Woods kicking him down and a wheelbarrow faceplant getting two. Sheamus gets on the apron but Big E. throws pancakes at him, allowing Kofi to hit a dive from the apron. The distraction lets Cesaro uppercut Woods out of the air for the pin at 7:07.

Rating: D+. Ok, enough with the pancakes. I don’t know if I’m just not getting the joke but it seems to be just more and more pancakes no matter what the situation is. That was funny for a little while but now it’s just an object that’s the joke instead of whatever was behind the object. Either come up with a reason they’re funny or come up with something that is funny, because this is annoying.

AJ Styles is still coming for Nakamura because it’s still about the title.

We see a bunch of destroyed action figures of tag teams. The Bludgeon Brothers say they have their own set of toys so come play with them. They smash the camera with their hammers.

Becky Lynch vs. Mandy Rose

In the back, Paige says Sonya Deville can’t go out there with Mandy. An early kick to the face gives Mandy two but a chinlock doesn’t last long. The Disarm-Her attempt sends Mandy outside so Becky catches her with the Bexploder instead. Becky’s bouncing kick out of the corner is broken up though and Mandy sends her throat first into the ropes for the pin at 2:26.

Andrade Cien Almas and Zelina Vega debut next week.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Rusev

Bryan starts in on the legs early on and kicks the arm out for good measure. Some more kicks sends Rusev outside so Bryan tries the suicide dive, only to be caught and thrown over the announcers’ table as we take a break. Back with Rusev throwing him around some more but getting dropkicked in the corner.

The Spinning Rock Bottom doesn’t work so Rusev kicks him in the head for two instead. A quick YES Lock sends Rusev bailing to the ropes and Aiden English is rather relieved. Rusev heads outside so Bryan hits the running knee off the apron for two. Back in and the running knee misses, setting up a Machka Kick to give Rusev the completely clean pin at 11:20.

Rating: C+. Uh…..huh? I’m not sure how the reaction to this one is going to go as Rusev winning a big match is nice, but Bryan losing clean almost has to be leading somewhere. You don’t have Bryan come in here and lose like that, but maybe they have something planned. If nothing else, I’m sure Miz has something to say about that loss.

Bryan looks devastated to end the show. It certainly seems like they have something planned there.

Overall Rating: C+. As usual, I’m not thrilled with the Money in the Bank season but at least most of the wrestling was good tonight. The Bryan loss is more perplexing than anything else but I could go for finding out where they’re heading with it. We’ve got four weeks of build to the pay per view left and that could go in a lot of directions, which is a good problem to have. Nice show this week, but more importantly it has me wondering about some things.

Results

The Miz b. Jeff Hardy – Rollup

Charlotte b. Peyton Royce – Figure Eight

Cesaro b. Xavier Woods – Uppercut

Mandy Rose b. Becky Lynch – Neck snap across the top rope

Rusev b. Daniel Bryan – Machka Kick

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event – April 19, 2018: Going Big

IMG Credit: WWE

Main Event
Date: April 19, 2018
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Percy Watson

Things are finally starting to settle down around here but that means we have a bunch of highlights to get through first. In this case we have the full on Superstar Shakeup, which should fill in the show rather well. Other than that, we might be seeing some new names getting relegated to Main Event status. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In memory of Bruno Sammartino.

Opening sequence.

Karl Anderson vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins celebrates a headlock takeover and gets dropkicked down. Anderson gets pulled throat first into the top rope and we hit the stomping for two. The chinlock keeps Anderson in trouble until he suplexes his way to freedom. A running boot to the face gives Anderson two but he walks into a Michinoku Driver for the same. Hawkins is already done though and it’s a running kick in the corner, followed by the top rope neckbreaker to extend the losing streak at 5:15.

Rating: D+. Hawkins keeps getting in offense but there’s only so much you can expect from him when he’s losing this much. At this point there’s not much left to do other than giving him a win over someone or letting him go. The win alone will be worth at least a little something, if nothing else for the people who have been watching Main Event. So like eight people?

From Raw.

Here’s General Manager Kurt Angle to start things off. He gives us a quick introduction but here’s Sunil Singh to announce that Jinder Mahal is now on Raw. Jinder isn’t happy that he was brought here in an SUV because he only travels in a limousine with a motorcade. Angle doesn’t like some of this but wants to be treated like Brock Lesnar around here. Kurt suggests that Jinder email him his issues and gives Sunil his address: Kurt.Angle (which he has to spell) @ NOFREAKINGWAY.com. We settle things in the ring here so it’s time for a title match RIGHT NOW.

US Title: Jinder Mahal vs. Jeff Hardy

Mahal is defending. The fans are behind Hardy (because they have taste) as he slugs away in the corner. A dropkick to the back of the head and a clothesline off the apron rock Mahal and we take a break. Back with Jeff in a chinlock for a good while until a big right hand drops him on the apron. Jeff is fine enough to shove him off the top though and the Whisper in the Wind gets a breather.

Sunil gets dropkicked down (and hopefully shut up) and a basement dropkick gets two on his boss. Things are starting to pick up but a jumping knee to the face looks to set up the Khallas (which Cole calls a half nelson slam). Jeff slips out so a big boot to the face gives Mahal two more. A Twisting Stunner out of nowhere drops Mahal though and the Swanton gives Hardy the title at 11:27.

Rating: C-. Not a great match (to be fair, Mahal) but Jeff winning the title is a great way to get him back on the fast track (and to give hope to impaired drivers everywhere). Hopefully Mahal falls WAY down the ladder now, though I’m curious to see what happens to Orton’s title shot as a result. Just please not another triple threat. Is that too much to ask for?

From Raw again.

Here’s Roman Reigns to talk about how he’s here again tonight, unlike Brock Lesnar. He’ll win the title in Saudi Arabia and bring it back here full time. Cue Samoa Joe to say Reigns is a great talker but never talks about getting the job done. I remember him doing plenty of jobs. Joe talks about how Reigns can never put him away and at Backlash, he’ll put Reigns to sleep again.

We see a video of Lesnar destroying Reigns at Wrestlemania so Reigns wants to fight now. Joe comes down the ramp twice before walking away, as expected. Again: if they want Reigns as a big deal, DON’T PUT HIM OUT THERE WITH PEOPLE WHO SLAUGHTER HIM ON THE MIC!

And, from Raw.

It’s time for MizTV with some special guests who will change Raw forever: Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens, who Cole flat out said COULD NOT be included in the Shakeup. Cole brings it up again here but Coach and Graves basically tell him to get over it. The five of them have a group hug with Miz saying this is better than the NWO and calls the team better than the Avengers. They won’t be held down by Shane McMahon or Kurt Angle, the latter of whom comes out with a rebuttal.

Apparently this can’t happen but Owens says plans have changed. There was an email sent out earlier tonight and Sami has printed it out. With his glasses on (that’s funny for some reason), Sami reads that Angle’s decision on Sami and Kevin’s status has been overturned because Stephanie McMahon thinks they proved themselves last week.

Owens is thrilled but Angle has some news: Miz is now going to Smackdown, as per Daniel Bryan’s request. Miz takes it in stride but gets even more bad news: the Miztourage is staying on Raw. For a going away present though, the five of them can face Finn Balor, Seth Rollins, Bobby Lashley, Braun Strowman and someone making their Raw debut.

From Smackdown.

Miz didn’t like Daniel Bryan tweeting about wanting to punch him in the face. That’s not happening tonight because Miz is in Los Angeles with Maryse and his newborn daughter. He’ll be here next week and he’ll kick Bryan’s a….Maryse: “Mike! Language!” Miz: “You catch my drift.” That match is going to be awesome when it takes place.

Recap of who went where.

Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. TJP/Ariya Daivari

Metalik flips away to start and kicks Daivari down for two. TJP comes in and kicks away, setting up something close to an Octopus Hold. That goes nowhere so Metalik bounces off the ropes for an armdrag. Dorado comes in for two off his falling splash and the masked guys tease a double dive as we take a break.

Back with TJP cranking on both of Metalik’s arms until a right hand breaks things up. Daivari sneaks around and pulls Dorado off the apron in a rare useful move. Not that it matters as Metalik backflips out of a double belly to back suplex for the real hot tag. TJP’s sunset flip gets two but the springboard Stunner into the shooting star gives Dorado the pin at 9:47.

Rating: C+. Another nice little match here, even if it’s something we’ve covered so many times before. If the cruiserweights do get the Tag Team Titles, I hope they’re defended here a few times (I know they won’t be) as the tag matches around here aren’t exactly interesting in the first place. Just give them a little something to work with and maybe this will get better.

We’ll wrap it up with some more Smackdown.

AJ Styles/Daniel Bryan vs. Aiden English/Rusev

Bryan wastes no time in taking English down into a surfboard so AJ can come in off the top with a shot to the chest. Rusev tries to come in and the threat of a double submission sends the villains bailing to the floor. Back with AJ fighting out of English’s chinlock but getting backdropped for two. Rusev comes in and stomps away as the fans aren’t as in to the RUSEV DAY chants as before. It’s almost like you can kill a crowd if you try.

It’s back to English who dives to keep Styles from the tag. That earns him a Pele and the double tag brings in Bryan and Rusev. Everything breaks down and Bryan scores with the YES Kicks on Rusev. Graves: “You can’t call them that because the Miz is coming to Smackdown Live!” Phillips: “Oh shut up.” There’s the running knee to Rusev but here’s Nakamura with a low blow to Styles. Cue Big Cass to kick Bryan in the head for the DQ at 12:38.

Rating: C. I heartily approve of this Cass push. I was a fan of the guy before he got hurt and now without the little fungus around him, there’s potential there. They must think something of him if they’re putting him with Bryan right off the bat, as Bryan can definitely get a good match out of him.

Cass stares down at Bryan and Nakamura still can’t speak English to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Like I said at the beginning, it makes sense to have some big stuff to focus on for a show like this. The big moments from Raw and Smackdown helped a lot as it made the show go by that much faster. On top of that though you had a pair of nice original matches, making this one of the better Main Events in recent memory.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – April 16, 2018: The Sequel’s Never Quite As Good

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 16, 2018
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

It’s time to change things up a lot with the first half of the Superstar Shakeup. In case you didn’t get enough new names last week, this time around we should be getting a bunch of Smackdown names heading over to the red show. How will the names be picked? Who might be coming? That’s not important enough to announce in advance so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

US Title: Jinder Mahal vs. Jeff Hardy

Post break Jinder rants about being disrespected and wants his rematch at the Greatest Royal Rumble. No Way Jose with the Conga Line interrupts and takes Renee Young off with him.

Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

This is a grudge match after weeks of simmering tensions. Bayley slips off the middle rope but shrugs off a chop and throws Sasha out to the floor. A hurricanrana through the ropes drops Sasha and we take a break. Back with Sasha holding a chinlock until Bayley drives her into the corner for a break. That’s certainly a different one and I’ll take that over the traditional elbows to the ribs.

The Stunner over the middle rope keeps Sasha in trouble so she kicks Bayley in the head and sends her outside again. This isn’t exactly seething with hatred so far. Back in and the top rope double knees get two before it’s time for the trash talk. Sasha goes one step too far and slaps Bayley in the face, triggering what looks like a hockey fight. Sasha gets the better of it again and hits the running knees in the corner. Bayley tries a rollup but gets reversed into the Bank Statement. She’s in big trouble but here’s the Riott Squad for the no contest at 8:55.

Rating: C. This was cranked up from a five to a twelve in the last two minutes or so but I’m assuming they’ll save the big match for later. The Riott Squad to Raw makes sense as Absolution has no reason to stay together and the Iconics can be the villainous group over on Smackdown. I’m fine with everything here, including Bayley vs. Sasha once they turned it up.

Sasha and Bayley take another beating post match.

Heath Slater and Rhyno are ready for the Authors of Pain tonight.

Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Authors of Pain

Slater and Rhyno jump the Authors before the bell and actually take over. A top rope ax handle drops Akum but he shoves Slater away and brings in Rezar. Slater gets lifted up for a double gutbuster but slips out of a powerslam for the hot tag to Rhyno. A belly to belly gets two on Rezar but Slater gets sent HARD to the floor. The Last Chapter ends Rhyno at 2:37.

Tag Team Title Eliminator Finals: Revival vs. Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt

The winners face the Bar, on commentary, for the titles in Saudi Arabia. Matt’s I WILL DELETE YOU now leads into Bray’s music for a combined entrance. Dawson and Hardy start things off with Scott not being able to do much with the odd Matt. It’s off to Bray and Wilder with Wyatt doing his spider bridge, allowing Matt to offer a distraction. A double back elbow (with Bray’s not quite connecting) puts Wilder down and Bray slams Scott on top of him. Matt: “That move was WONDERFUL!”

Back in and the Revival elbows Matt down with Scott grabbing a chinlock. Dawson draws Bray in to keep Matt in trouble, including a double headbutt. Matt gets in a Side Effect and the hot tag brings in Bray for the big right hands. A running corner splash and release Rock Bottom have Wilder in trouble. Everything breaks down and Sister Abigail plants Dawson, followed by an elevated Twist of Fate to end Dawson at 5:06.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here with the right team winning. Revival is in need of a change but there’s only so much you can do when the Bar is the top team on the show. They’re better off facing teams like the Usos and New Day, but the big power team on Smackdown doesn’t make things much better. In other words, it’s a bad time to be an old school tag team.

Video on the shows coming together for pay per views, in the form of both rosters coming together for a big song ala We Are The World. This is uh, overthinking things a bit.

Back from a break and the Bar runs into the Fashion Police. Fandango: “Do you have a permit for that mohawk?” The kilts are too much for them and the Bar gets tickets. They’re so mad that they yell as the Fashion Police leave.

Recap of everyone who came to Raw both last week and tonight.

We recap Ronda Rousey attacking Stephanie McMahon last week and hurting her arm even worse.

Rousey is in the back with Angle when the debuting Natalya comes in. It turns out that she and Rousey are old training partners and Natalya seems happy. Nothing else happens in a kind of odd segment, though you can probably bet on Natalya vs. Rousey at Backlash.

Ember Moon vs. Mickie James

Nia Jax is on commentary and Bliss, who isn’t here, is supposed to be. Mickie grabs a headscissors to start before forearming the heck out of Ember. We hit the chinlock and go split screen to hear from Nia…..whose reaction we see instead of the match. Basically Alexa calls Nia a bully and won’t give her the satisfaction of being out here. Moon fights up but gets dropped again with a neckbreaker for two. A suplex serves her a bit better and the flipping forearm in the corner rocks Mickie. The Eclipse (with Mickie flipping over like Rock taking a Stunner) gives Ember the pin at 4:37.

Rating: D+. Kind of a dull match but the Eclipse is all that matters with Moon. There’s a good chance that she’ll wind up facing Nia for the title one day soon and that could make for a nice brawl. Moon might not be the best choice in the world but she’s a shot in the arm for the division, which is needed with Nia in charge.

Owens and Zayn are worried about the ten man tag when Miz comes in to ask how Shane is at the moment. Sami doesn’t want to hear about it right now because they have bigger things to worry about tonight. The Miztourage is talking about something else but Miz calls them over, saying mourn tomorrow and focus today. This is Miz’s Raw finale so it needs to be must see. It seems like he has an idea.

Dolph Ziggler is back on Monday Night Raw and talks about how great he is. Cue Titus Worldwide to offer him a spot on the team. Ziggler doesn’t think so, but he’s also not on Raw alone. Cue Drew McIntyre, now a heel, and apparently aligned with Ziggler. The big beatdown is on and a Claymore/Zig Zag combo drops Apollo. The fans seem very pleased with McIntyre being back, but don’t worry: Ziggler will suck the life out of that as soon as possible.

Mandy Rose vs. Natalya

Absolution still comes out to Paige’s music. Natalya gets a rollup for two but a Sonya Deville distraction lets Mandy get in a jumping knee to the face. Back in and we hit an abdominal stretch to keep Natalya in trouble but a quick Sharpshooter makes Mandy tap at 2:49.

Post match Sonya comes in for the beatdown but Ronda Rousey (awkwardly) walks down the ramp for the save. Deville actually wants to fight so Rousey gives her a look as if to say “seriously?” Rousey knocks Deville out in all of five seconds, hitting about ten punches and a legsweep to send Deville packing.

Baron Corbin is coming to Raw. Is anyone left on Smackdown?

Breezango vs. The Bar

Fandango steals Cesaro’s jacket to start and throws it on, followed by a hip swivel while blocking a sunset flip. Breeze comes in and eats Swiss Death to change control in a hurry. We hit the chinlock from Cesaro, followed by one from Sheamus to really mix things up. Cesaro gets two off a Demolition Decapitator but Fandango pulls Sheamus off the apron, allowing Breeze to get a sunset flip for the pin on Cesaro at 3:49.

Rating: D+. So we have two options here: a triple threat at Greatest Royal Rumble or ignoring this match for the sake of illogical booking. Breezango has potential to be a very nice team but for some reason they’ve lost a lot of steam. That might change here with no Usos or New Day to outshine them and I heartily appreciate this.

Elias isn’t playing tonight and doesn’t think much of Lashley. A lot has changed since Lashley was last here so he should go sit in the stands and worship Elias like everyone else. If Lashley interrupts him again, he’ll learn that WWE stands for Walk With Elias. Elias won’t perform for the people, but he might for Renee in a private concert. All she has to do is hold her applause and silence her cell phone. She says we don’t have time so he starts playing, only to be cut off to throw it back to Cole.

Seth Rollins/Bobby Lashley/Braun Strowman/Finn Balor/??? vs. The Miz/Miztourage/Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

The mystery partner is…Bobby Roode. Rollins and Owens start things off with Kevin missing a charge into the corner. The springboard clothesline drops Owens and Seth sends him outside for the slingshot dive. The good guys clear the ring and it’s off to a break. Back with Balor in trouble and Axel driving him into the corner to continue the beating. The Reality Check drops Balor for two but he kicks Miz away, allowing the hot tag to Lashley. House is cleaned again and we take a second break with Lashley looking great in his short burst.

Back again with Owens hammering on Rollins and putting on that unbreakable chinlock. Miz grabs the short DDT and busts out the YES Kicks one more time before going over to Smackdown. Everything breaks down with Strowman shoving around Owens and Zayn before Roode takes over on Axel. A chop block cuts Roode down but he counters the Figure Four into a small package for two. The hot tag brings in Strowman to clean house, including a chokeslam to Miz.

Strowman runs into Dallas in the corner, which is called him hitting the post for reasons of bad timing. Seth dives onto Axel and the Glorious DDT drops Sami. The parade of finishers begins until we’re down to Miz vs. Strowman with the running dropkicks actually staggering the big man. Strowman comes back with a dropkick of his own and the Miztourage walks out on Miz, leaving Strowman to powerslam him for the pin at 22:11.

Rating: C+. Nice main event tag to wrap things up, especially with the Miztourage turning on Miz, as they should. Miz is the kind of guy who can take a loss like this and then regroup on Smackdown without missing a beat. Just give him Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin as the new Miztourage (like they have anything better to do) and he’ll be fine. Lashley looked great here, but the rest were kind of lost in the shuffle. Not a bad way to end the show though, as we needed a longer match for a change.

Overall Rating: B-. I was mostly liking the show, though I liked the original version last week a little bit better. This felt very similar to the post Wrestlemania show and again shows why this needed to be done around Summerslam instead of a week after Wrestlemania. They had a bunch of big names come over to Raw but they need several going to Smackdown to balance this out again. Right now Smackdown is looking barren and some fresh talent could help them out a lot. I liked this show well enough though and it worked well in almost every area it needed to.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Jinder Mahal – Swanton Bomb

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley went to a no contest when the Riott Squad interfered

Authors of Pain b. Heath Slater/Rhyno – Last Chapter to Rhyno

Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt b. Revival – Elevated Twist of Fate to Wilder

Ember Moon b. Mickie James – Eclipse

Natalya b. Mandy Rose – Sharpshooter

Braun Strowman/Seth Rollins/Finn Balor/Bobby Lashley/Bobby Roode b. The Miz/Miztourage/Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Running powerslam to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – April 9, 2018: Fast And Steady

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 9, 2018
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

As usual, this could be the most interesting show of the year. Tonight could be filled with major angles, returns and surprises, all of which could become big deals in a hurry. Or it could be all about Roman Reigns, who managed to not win the Universal Title from Brock Lesnar last night. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

I was in the arena for this show, sitting in the upper deck on the opposite side from the hard camera, looking nearly straight down at the ring.

Here’s Stephanie McMahon, walking very slowly and with her arm in a cast after last night, to open the show. Cole talks about how Ronda Rousey’s debut may be the best debut in Wrestlemania history. Does that mean the best wrestler to debut at Wrestlemania (As in she’s better than Fandango and Baron Corbin? Or the best ever first match at Wrestlemania? I’m thinking someone else has probably done it better before). Stephanie talks about the post Wrestlemania crowd having an international flavor (Is that an insult?) but she expected at least SOME sympathy.

She did tap out last night but the fans have to admit that one woman did everything she could last night and made the transition. Yes Stephanie did make that transition and was amazing so she deserves all the praise. This brings out Rousey to a very nice reception (which she earned) and even Stephanie gives her credit for last night. Rousey is a role model and a superstar and with Stephanie guiding her, they can reach new heights. The fans tell Stephanie to shut the F up so Stephanie calls Rousey her friend….and offers a handshake.

Now if you don’t know where this is going and yeah I’m not even going to finish that. Rousey hugs her and smiles before shifting to the death stare. Stephanie gets taken down by the bad arm and Rousey takes the brace off to crank it back all over again. Referees run in for the late save and Rousey is all smiles. She’s getting better at the facial expressions and really does come off like a star. Medics come out to check on Stephanie and the fans tell her that she deserves it. As she’s leaving, JoJo asks for a little respect for Stephanie. I was hoping that made the broadcast because it made me laugh in my seat.

My issues with Stephanie are fairly well known but I LOVED this. The key to Stephanie is her being in on the joke and that doesn’t happen very often. This time she was in full on obnoxious heel mode but with a bit of a wink to the camera that she knew she was about to be destroyed. That made this workable because she was FINALLY getting what was coming to her. I know you can’t have it happen all the time, but once a year isn’t quite often enough.

The announcers do their usual “this crowd is insane” speech. Good to see them cover themselves like that as the fans actually get through for a change.

The Superstar Shakeup is confirmed, thereby making almost everything you see here tonight a lot less important.

Here’s Nia Jax for a tag match with a surprise partner. The fans tell Nia that she deserves it but Bliss doesn’t seem to share the mentality. Apparently Nia is the real bully here, even bigger than Rousey. Bliss talks about Nia being so much bigger and running over someone innocent like Mickie. Last night Nia assaulted Mickie before the match and Alexa was competing under emotional distress. Everyone knows how horrible Nia is and that’s why she doesn’t have a partner tonight. Nia: “Shut up Alexa!” She did enjoy what she did to Mickie and Alexa last night and she’s the new Raw Women’s Champion. She does have a partner.

Nia Jax/Ember Moon vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James

Makes perfect sense (the fans knew too) as Ember clearly wasn’t going to get the title back in NXT and wasn’t going to evolve all that much more down there anyway. Nia throws Mickie across the ring to start (maybe Mickie wasn’t ready) so Mickie kicks her in the knee. Bliss comes in and Nia chokes both of them at once before handing it off to Ember.

The announcers try to explain Ember but realize it’s not that easy because she doesn’t really have a character. Ember enziguris Alexa, slips a bit off a springboard (a quick camera cut protected it very well) and takes Bliss down with a spinning crossbody. A legsweep sets up the Eclipse to end Bliss clean at 3:00.

Rating: C. This was exactly what it needed to be: Ember debuts, gets a huge clean pin over Bliss, and looks awesome in the process. The Eclipse is all she needs to do for a long time as that’s one of the coolest finishers in a long time. Nia as a face could be a work in progress but at least she got the big moment to start.

Braun Strowman comes in to see Kurt Angle and blocks out Nicholas from Kurt’s view. As soon as he steps aside though, the fans go coconuts. Strowman hates to do this but they relinquish the Tag Team Titles. See, Nicholas has a scheduling conflict: he’s still in the fourth grade. As soon as he’s done with school though, they’re coming back to win the titles. Nicholas promises that someone will GET THESE HANDS. If Nicholas makes a cameo in ten years, I can die a happy man.

What doesn’t make me happy though is this whole thing. If they weren’t going to have Strowman keep the titles anyway, then why do the whole thing? Why have the Bar lose to a ten year old and then just drop the titles the next night? Give Strowman a partner who loses the fall and set up something with them. Or bring someone up from NXT to give them an instant rub. Just do ANYTHING but this and it’s an improvement. The more I think about this, the worse it gets, especially since the Bar is likely getting the belts back in Saudi Arabia, making this whole thing just a way to inflate their title count.

No Way Jose debuts next. I’m a big fan and he could open house shows forever, but the same character didn’t work for Adam Rose.

No Way Jose vs. John Skylar

Jose has a Conga line and wins with the pop up right hand in 26 seconds. The entrance is all that matters anyway.

The Bar comes in to say they’re ready to take their titles back. Not so fast though (Kurt: “You guys lost to a freaking ten year old!”) as they can be in the title match, but their opponents will be determined by a four team tournament over the next two weeks.

Tag Team Eliminator First Round: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Joined in progress with Anderson throwing Dawson around and declaring him a NERD. Revival gets smart by taking out the knee with Wilder cranking back and bending the leg in various odd directions. Dawson dives over to prevent a tag as they’re trying to get that Revival formula going. A big boot to the face is enough to bring in Anderson though and that means HI YAH in the corner. Anderson dives onto Wilder but Dawson rolls through a high crossbody for two (with tights). Everything breaks down and Gallows gets sent into the barricade, leaving Anderson to eat the Shatter Machine for the pin at 3:41 shown.

Rating: D+. Nothing match here due to time and that’s the problem with Revival on the main roster: they’re built around the long matches which allow them to really set something up. That’s not the case on the main roster as they only have a few minutes. You can’t make it work that way and, injuries aside, it’s the biggest reason why the Revival is no longer the Revival.

John Cena Make-A-Wish ad. Thankfully this earns applause, because even Wrestlemania fans have some heart.

Here’s Seth Rollins for a chat. The fans are all about Rollins here with another YOU DESERVE IT chant. Seth says it’s been a long road back but that was the loudest BURN IT DOWN ever. After last night, he’s back and now a Grand Slam winner, just like the rest of the Shield. He talks about how special it was to complete the Grand Slam in front of fans like these but here’s Finn Balor to interrupt.

Balor gets straight to the point: Rollins was the better man last night but there was someone who wasn’t the winner or a loser and that man wants more. He wants to be the first challenger for the Intercontinental Title and Rollins will shake to that. This brings out Miz and the Miztourage with Miz ranting about how Rollins doesn’t deserve to be champion. It was Miz who made the title what it is but he slips up and says he can’t win without the Miztourage backing him up.

Miz is a changed man after becoming a father to his new daughter. Fans: “HE’S GOT KIDS!” Last night, his daughter watched the match in Maryse’s arms and when Miz lost, she started crying. Miz: “You made my little princess cry.” That made Maryse cry and Miz cried when he heard about it. Seth: “That’s what everyone does when they watch you try to wrestle.”

Miz has a rematch clause and since Balor lost last night, he goes to the back of the line. Rollins is ready now but Miz isn’t wrestling in this suit. Instead he’ll do it at Backlash but if they want a fight tonight, a handicap match is fine. Cue the returning Jeff Hardy to even things up and the Miztourage bails.

Back from a break with the six man being set for later.

Sasha Banks vs. Mandy Rose

Absolution and Bayley are at ringside. Sasha sends her outside for a baseball slide to start as the fans sing about Bayley. A suplex gives Sasha two as Corey is very glad that he gets to commentate both shows, meaning he always gets to see Mandy. Sasha gets dropped throat first across the top rope and we take a break.

Back with Mandy holding an abdominal stretch until Sasha slips out and hits a knee in the corner. The top rope double knees get two and they head outside where Mandy….seems to mistime whatever she was supposed to be ready for. Mandy goes after Bayley, who hits Sasha by mistake in the next logical step. Back in and Mandy knees Sasha in the face for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: D. The botches were hurting it but Bayley vs. Banks is what matters most here. Absolution is fine at the moment with Paige being the adviser but I’m not sure how long that’s going to work without another top level star. Mandy and Sonya are getting better but they’re a long way behind the top level talent.

Post match Bayley leaves and Paige talks about how hard it was to be on the sidelines yesterday at Wrestlemania. This ring is her soul but due to neck injuries, her in-ring career is over. The THANK YOU PAIGE chants start up in a hurry and Paige thanks the locker room for growing the division into something they never could have dreamed of. She also wants to thank Daniel Bryan for giving her hope that she might be able to come back some day as well.

Earlier today Edge spoke to her and showed her that there’s life outside of wrestling. Edge has a family and acting career but now Paige has to go find something else. WWE has allowed her to do this for the last four years. She debuted here four years ago and won the Divas Championship so she wants to retire here as well.

Paige starts to cry so we get a THIS IS YOUR HOUSE chant. This will always be her house and she takes the shirt from around her waist, leaving it in the ring before walking up the ramp. I know she’s had some issues over the years but there’s no denying that she played a big role in the Women’s Revolution. It’s a shame that she’s done at such a young age and I hope she gets to do this again someday.

The announcers recap John Cena vs. Undertaker.

Here’s Elias for a song. The fans get that WWE stands for WALK WITH ELIAS and last night they paid for an Elias performance. That means an OH WALK WITH ELIAS chant but Elias calls them scumbags. Fans: “WE ARE SCUMBAGS!” The song is about how he wants to punch the clapping fans in the face….and here’s the returning Bobby Lashley. House is cleaned in a hurry and Lashley hits a delayed vertical suplex (with one arm free at times) to drop Elias. Lashley won’t be around long but let him make an impact while he can.

Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn come to see Kurt Angle to ask for a job. Sure they had a falling out with their management but that won’t happen here. Angle: “My tag team division is full, but I hear that TNA is hiring.” After the line of the year, Angle says he can’t hire them both. He has one spot available so they can wrestle for the contract tonight.

Here are Heath Slater and Rhyno to issue an open challenge. Oh man that’s never a good idea on this show.

Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Authors of Pain

Pounding abounds and the Last Chapter ends Slater at 49 seconds.

Post match the Authors walk away from Paul Ellering. Maybe he just didn’t want to do the full schedule?

Here’s Roman Reigns for a chat. He took a beating last night but he’s here while Brock Lesnar isn’t. When he got to the Superdome yesterday, no one could look him in the eye. As of this past Wednesday, Lesnar was done and going to the UFC. Now though they have another match in a cage in Saudi Arabia later this month. That means Reigns can win the title there in a match he found out about on the internet. This brings out Samoa Joe to say Reigns exposed Lesnar last night.

For over a year, Reigns has been saying he’s the only one who can beat Lesnar. It doesn’t matter who couldn’t look at Roman because he’s a failure. It also makes him a liar because he can’t beat Brock Lesnar. Every time the Beast meets the Big Dog, the Big Dog gets conquered. After Lesnar makes Reigns fail again, Samoa Joe will be waiting at Backlash to put him to sleep. As usual, Joe was great here with the commanding voice and fire in his eyes. Joe as the new #1 contender could do some great things, especially if he eventually wins the title.

Tag Team Eliminator First Round: Titus Worldwide vs. Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt

Before the match, Hardy talks to the Andre the Giant trophy, saying it’s time to start on the expedition of gold. Bray shows up and laughter ensues, allowing them to appear in the ring. Matt and Titus have the required pose off and Matt hammers away. Bray comes in and the fans give him a little He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands.

The announcers discuss whether these chants are more like football games or soccer until Apollo comes in with a flip. Matt and Bray find this WONDERFUL but beat on Apollo anyway. A series of rams into the buckle have Apollo in trouble but he gets in a dropkick to stagger Bray. That just earns him a release Rock Bottom as Titus is knocked to the floor. Bray tosses Apollo into the Twist of Fate (called Sister Abigail into the Twist, which is nonsense) for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here with the right team winning. There’s no reason to believe that Titus Worldwide are going to be anything more than jobbers to the stars so having them put Matt and Bray over here was the right call. You can almost guarantee that Bray and Matt are going to the title match and it might be the right move to put the titles on them this soon.

We recap the opening sequence.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

The winner gets a Raw contract. Cole points out that the loser here will NOT be allowed in the Superstar Shakeup, which could make things more interesting. Sami misses the Helluva Kick at the bell and he has to explain the attempt at the fast start. Owens gets low bridged….to the apron as Sami doesn’t get the rope low enough and Owens goes through the ropes instead. He’s smart enough to hammer Sami in the head but gets knocked to the floor for a big flip dive.

A hard right hand breaks up a springboard but Sami catapults him face first into the post. Back in and Sami gets crotched, setting up a Vader Bomb elbow for two. We take a break and come back with Cole sounding like he’s talking to production and Sami getting two off the Blue Thunder Bomb. They head outside again with Sami’s dive through the ropes eating a superkick.

Back in and the frog splash gets two and Owens follows it up with a corner clothesline. He tries another but Sami is right behind him with the Helluva Kick to send him to the apron. There’s the Pop Up Powerbomb but Owens falls to the floor for some reason. Back in and Owens goes up, only to get kicked in the face again. Sami superplexes him down and neither can get up, meaning it’s a double knockout at 10:18.

Rating: B. These two are always penciled in for a solid match and that’s what they had here. I’m not exactly surprised by the ending either, which leaves the story open for a few weeks. They could wind up on either show through one shenanigan or another (say through a new Smackdown GM) or as free agent signings after the Shakeup. Getting a good match out of it helps too.

Post match, the fans chant TNA.

Matt and Jeff run into each other with Matt saying he was glad to hear about Jeff getting over being broken. Jeff left him a message but it must have been DELETED. Matt must have been preparing for Andre’s battle of the giants. Indeed he was, and he won, thanks to the help of an old foe. Bray comes in and hugs Brother Nero, who is glad that Sister Abigail has been rendered OBSOLETE. Bray is now feeling wonderful and walks off with Matt. The camera pans over to Balor and Rollins, who are very confused. Jeff just shrugs and leaves.

Great little segment here, as just putting normal people (Rollins and Balor qualify here) into this strange world that is wrestling makes things all the better. That’s a guaranteed way to get a chuckle in wrestling as these are crazy people doing crazy things but when you live in the wrestling bubble, everything seems fine. Looking at it through the eyes of the normal people makes it all the funnier.

Next week: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks.

Jeff Hardy/Finn Balor/Seth Rollins vs. Miz/Miztourage

Before Finn’s entrance, the production crew replaced a piece of the stage, which I thought would be a Rey Mysterio entrance but turned out to just be for the smoke in Balor’s entrance. Miz and Rollins start but let’s hand it off to Axel instead. Rollins kicks both lackeys in the face and it’s off to Jeff for some Poetry in Motion to Axel and Dallas. Finn and Seth play decent Matt’s actually.

Back from a break with Balor coming in and forearming all three villains. Miz offers a distraction though and Dallas decks Balor from behind. Now Miz is glad to come in with a chinlock, followed by the Hennig necksnap from Axel. Dallas drops some knees and grabs a chinlock of his own as we’re not exactly setting any new standards here (as they shouldn’t be here). Balor finally dropkicks Miz down and the hot tag brings in Jeff to clean house.

A Whisper in the Wind takes down the Miztourage as you can see Rollins getting all charged up on the apron. The diving tag brings in Seth with a springboard clothesline to Miz. Rollins suicide dives onto all three of them for a big crash and we hit a BURN IT DOWN chant. Back in and the superplex into the Falcon Arrow (Cole: “Tonight he hits it!” He hit it last night too.) gets two on Miz with Dallas making the save. Finn dives onto Axel and Dallas and the Stomp finishes Miz at 13:56.

Rating: C+. This was just an easy way to end the show and that’s all it needed to be. I would have had Jeff come out later in the night, but that would have meant the lack of the Matt segment so it balances out. Rollins pinning Miz again is fine, especially with the title match already being set. It’s not like Miz is going to be damaged by a loss in a six man tag so this was fine all around.

Post match Dallas takes a Twist of Fate, Coup de Grace, Swanton and Stomp. Axel gets a similar treatment and a Stomp to Miz ends the show.

The dark segment saw Rollins telling the fans to throw in their beach balls. Several fans obliged and the good guys batted them around for a few minutes to wrap up the night.

Overall Rating: B+. I had a good time with this show as they went with a string of debuts and returns instead of one or two big angles. They didn’t really have a big moment here but they did set up stuff for both the Greatest Royal Rumble and Backlash. The problem with that is it made things feel like they were flying through tonight instead of actually focusing here, which is understandable given how the fans can react to something they don’t like. All in all though, this was a VERY entertaining show and makes things rather interesting going into next week’s Shakeup.

Results

Ember Moon/Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James – Eclipse to Bliss

No Way Jose b. John Skylar – Pop Up Punch

Revival b. Anderson and Gallows – Shatter Machine to Anderson

Mandy Rose b. Sasha Banks – Knee to the face

Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt b. Titus Worldwide – Twist of Fate to Apollo

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens went to a double knockout

Seth Rollins/Finn Balor/Jeff Hardy b. Miz/Miztourage – Stomp to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

New Column: Don’t Forget About Them

IMG Credit: WWE

Daniel Bryan isn’t the only big name returning.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-dont-forget/

You can check out all of my columns here.

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2009: Like It Would Be Anyone Else

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

This isn’t so much the Royal Rumble as much as it is HHH and Randy Orton are in a match and 28 other guys happen to be in the ring too. Other than that we have Edge challenging the NEW WWE Champion Jeff Hardy and Cena defending against JBL, who has Shawn Michaels and his crisis of conscience working for him at the moment. This wasn’t the best year for WWE so let’s get to it.

No intro video this year. That’s interesting.

ECW Title: Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Swagger won the title about two weeks ago and this is Hardy’s rematch. We actually get big match intros for this, which is a rare sight for an ECW Title match. Matt takes him into the corner to start before punching Jack in the face. Striker calls that a pugilistic endeavor to sound smart. Another punch sends Swagger to the floor and we head back inside for a clothesline from Matt.

Jack heads to the floor to hide after Matt swings again. Back in and Swagger takes Hardy to the mat and cranks on the arm a bit. Hardy comes back with a dropkick in the corner and a bulldog for two, only to go up and get shoved down to the floor. Back in and Swagger starts in on the arm but Hardy quickly escapes a key lock. A punch to Hardy’s arm blocks a clothesline and a big boot gets two for the champion.

Back to the key lock as Jack stays on the arm. He lifts Hardy off the mat by the arm a few times as the fans cheer for the challenger. Matt fights back but he’s basically fighting with one arm here. A bulldog puts Jack down for two and a middle rope elbow to Swagger’s back gets the same.

Hardy walks into a belly to belly suplex from Jack for two though and both guys are down. A DDT on the arm gets two for the champion but Matt blocks a belly to back superplex. Matt hits a decent looking moonsault for two and the fans are getting into these kickouts. The Twist is countered and Jack sends Matt shoulder and possibly head first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: B-. Better match than I was expecting here with both guys looking good out there. Matt was getting close to being something decent as a singles guy and this was his way off ECW and onto Smackdown. Swagger would go on to win a world title and shock the world in the process before falling through the floor soon after. Solid opener here.

Orton arrives and gets glared at.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

We recap JBL vs. Cena, which is basically the Shawn Michaels Story. Basically the story went that Shawn was crushed by the financial crash and JBL offered to hire him to help win the title. Shawn helped JBL win a #1 contenders match and the question is will he screw over Cena tonight and compromise his morals? There was a VERY real argument to be made for Shawn vs. JBL at Mania for the title, so this wasn’t a layup. The problem with this story is still there though: Shawn is a world class wrestler with the top company in the world….and he’s broke? He may have lost his savings but he’s not unemployed.

JBL tells Shawn is he wins the title tonight, Shawn is free with a huge payday and he can be in the Rumble tonight, which at the moment he isn’t. Bradshaw leaves and Taker shows up, saying that sometimes it’s a nightmare getting to Heaven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is defending in case you skipped the previous parts. We get the big match intros here and even a weapons check for old times’ sake. Cena takes him to the mat with a headlock to start but JBL counters into one of his own. A shoulder block puts JBL down and out to the floor as we take a breather. JBL whispers something to Shawn before heading back inside for some clubbing forearms to the back.

Cena slams him down for two though and we’re still in the early stages. JBL heads to the floor again but this time Cena goes after him. He runs into Shawn though and stops cold, allowing JBL to get in a shot to take over. Shawn didn’t move at all. Back in with JBL in control and a standing clothesline gets two. Presumably that one was only from Hoboken.

Off to a chinlock from the challenger as we keep things at JBL’s slow pace. A side slam gets two on Cena and he rolls out to the apron. Layfield knocks him to the floor and then sends him into the stairs for two back inside. Cena fights out of a superplex attempt and hits the top rope Fameasser for two of his own. The champ initiates his finishing sequence with all of his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Shawn hasn’t been a factor in the first nine minutes or so of the match.

JBL escapes the AA but gets caught in the STF instead. Shawn starts grabbing the ropes but doesn’t do anything. Cena lets go of the hold anyway, allowing JBL to kick Cena to the floor. JBL’s Clothesline gets two so he glares at Shawn for some reason. A quick AA attempt misses and JBL kicks the referee down by mistake. The Johns double clothesline each other and it’s time for the big moment.

Shawn gets in the ring and is staring at both guys. Both guys get up and Shawn superkicks John. As in the challenger/him employer. He also kicks the champion/the guy he was hired to take out before leaving. Shawn puts JBL’s arm across Cena, causing the fans to chant for the champ. Another referee comes out and gets a two count for Layfield and both guys get up. Cena hits a quick AA on JBL to retain.

Rating: C-. The match itself was pretty dull but the drama worked well enough to make up for it. At the end of the day, JBL simply wasn’t good enough at this point to hang in a world title match. Cena had to tone it WAY down to let JBL keep up with him and it showed badly. Still though, Shawn more than makes up for it and would go on to have a masterpiece with Taker at Mania so all is well and good.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy. Hardy shocked the world (including me) at Armageddon by winning the title, but a few weeks later he started having a string of “accidents” including having pyro go off in his face and nearly getting killed by a crazy driver. Everyone blamed Edge but he denied responsibility. The question is who is behind all this stuff. Hardy hasn’t had a match that I know of in the meantime. I went to a house show during this period and Hardy didn’t wrestle.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Vickie makes it No DQ for no apparent reason and Chavo is in Edge’s corner because he’s familia. Jeff spears Edge into the corner to start and pounds away as fast as he can. The fans almost immediately start chanting WE WANT CHRISTIAN. Now remember that line as I’ll get back to it later on. Christian had left TNA and word hadn’t broken yet on if he had signed with WWE yet (I don’t think). Anyway, Jeff tries to bring in a chair but Edge kicks it out of his hands before it gets inside.

Hardy pounds away but Edge gets in a shot to take over for the first time. Edge sends him to the floor but can’t hit a baseball slide, allowing Hardy to hit a clothesline off the apron. Back in and Jeff tries a springboard but gets kicked down to the floor for the third time. Edge rams him into various hard objects including tables and the barricade and then another table.

We head back inside again with Edge in full control including a spear in the corner. Jeff grabs a quick two off a sunset flip but gets clotheslined right back down. Off to a body vice by Edge to slow things down a bit. Jeff fights up and hits a mule kick before going up top, only to jump into a dropkick from Edge for two. Now Edge goes to get two chairs but Jeff spears him down off the apron before it can be brought in.

Edge gets back to the apron but gets pulled down into a Twist of Fate onto said apron, sending both guys down onto the floor. Since it’s Jeff vs. Edge, here’s a ladder. Jeff spreads Edge out on the table but Chavo climbs up to slow Jeff down. Edge moves, so Jeff hits a HUGE splash to put Chavo through the table instead. Back in and Jeff gets two off a high cross body. Edge gets up first and pulls a buckle off, only to get caught in the Whisper in the Wind for two.

Out of nowhere Edge counters the Twist into a DDT for a very close two. We’re pretty clearly in the final stages of this match which means it’s getting awesome. Edge counters the slingshot dropkick into a kind of hot shot into the exposed buckle for ANOTHER two. The spear is countered into a Twist of Fate so Jeff goes up. After kicking Vickie away, the Swanton hits but Vickie pulls the referee out. Cue Matt to send Vickie into the ring and pick up a chair. To the shock of a lot of people, Matt cracks Jeff with the chair to give Edge of all people the world title.

Rating: B. This too awhile to get going but once they hit their stride they started acting like Edge and Jeff Hardy in a big match. The No DQ stuff wasn’t needed here but it made things work a bit better. At the end of the day, these two work best when they can turn off the rules and go nuts, which is what they did here.

Now remember earlier that I mentioned Christian. He was originally supposed to be in Matt’s spot, setting up a reunion with Edge. However, WWE felt the fans figured this out so we got Matt in his place. This also happened in 2012 with Sheamus winning the Rumble instead of Jericho. Based on this theory, Shawn should have kept the title at Wrestlemania 14 because almost everyone knew that Austin was winning.

That makes no sense and I don’t get what they think this is accomplishing. It didn’t work out well for Russo and it won’t work out for the WWE. Matt vs. Jeff didn’t work at the end of the day, mainly because I don’t think people wanted to see them fight. I’ll give them this: they did come up with a logical reason for Matt to turn so it’s not a terrible idea. It just wasn’t the best option they had.

Orton says he’ll win. Jericho pops in to thank Orton for punting Vince on Monday but Randy will probably get fired for it.

Rumble by the numbers which is roughly the same as the previous year.

Royal Rumble

Mysterio is #1 and Morrison is #2. Rey kicks him in the face a few times to start but gets put on the apron for trying his sitout bulldog. A springboard cross body puts Morrison down and there’s a big headscissors to take Morrison down. John gets sent to the apron but hangs on by the top rope, even when Mysterio dropkicks him in the ribs. Carlito is #3 and is the second tag champion in here along with Morrison. Those titles would be unified at Mania.

Rey tries a standing moonsault but gets caught in a modified swinging neckbreaker instead. Carlito hits a gorgeous double jump moonsault to take Morrison down and stomping ensues. MVP, currently on a winning streak after losing forever, is #4. There’s Ballin on Morrison and a facebuster to Carlito. Rey get sent to the apron but he saves himself almost immediately.

Great Khali with the awesome dance music is #5. Everybody gets a chop and Khali poses a bit. Mysterio tries to springboard onto him and Carlito tries a Backstabber, both to no avail. Kozlov is #6 and immediately headbutts Khali out by himself. MVP misses a running kick in the corner and he’s gone too (BIG heat on Vlad for that). Carlito is gone after jumping into a spinebuster and Mysterio looks to be up next, but heeeeeeeeeere’s HHH at #7.

Since no one else can get a good match out of Kozlov, you know HHH is going to try his hand at him. They stare each other down and Kozlov hits the headbutt to take him down. The facebuster stuns Kozlov and HHH throws him out wise ease. It’s HHH, Morrison and Mysterio in there at the moment with Rey chilling in the corner. The knee to the face puts Morrison down and Orton is #8.

The battle of Evolution continues and the backbreaker puts HHH down. Both finishers are countered with Morrison breaking up the Pedigree. Rey hits a seated senton on Orton and the 619 on Morrison before JTG is in at #9. Orton tries to put Mysterio out as people start pairing off. Ted DiBiase, as in one of Orton’s lackeys, is #10. Mysterio and DiBiase immediately fight to the apron with Rey doing some gymnastics to stay alive.

Jericho is #11 and goes right for Orton. He can’t get him out so there’s a Lionsault to HHH instead. Jericho is knocked to the apron and Mike Knox is #12. Orton and DiBiase focus on JTG as Knox beats on Rey. HHH saves the masked dude for no apparent reason and Miz is #13. He goes right after JTG and hits something like the Skull Crushing Finale before going after the Game.

Morrison and Mysterio team up on Orton but John and Miz both take RKOs. There’s one for JTG but HHH hits a Pedigree to stop Randy dead. HHH dumps Miz and Morrison to prove how awesome he is and Finlay is #14. Jericho backdrops Mysterio to the floor but he lands on Morrison and hops onto Miz to get back to the ring. Finlay beats on everyone in the ring until Cody Rhodes, the other of Orton’s goons, is #15.

We currently have Mysterio, HHH, Orton, JTG, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay and Rhodes. Legacy (the collective name of the trio) starts picking off people one at a time, starting with Finlay. They don’t actually put anyone out but they get to beat on everyone at least. Rey dives at Orton but gets caught in an RKO in a nice counter. The Undertaker is #16 and here come the punches. His only victim at this point is JTG to clear the ring out a bit.

Goldust of all people is in at #17 and immediately goes for DiBiase. Rhodes pulls his real life brother (Goldust) off so Goldie sends him to the apron a few times. That’s as far as he can get though as an RKO puts Goldust down and Rhodes gets to dump him out. Punk is #18 and happens to be the IC Champion at this point. There’s a GTS for HHH as RKO works on Y2J. Mysterio gets sent to the apron by Knox and Finlay works on Taker.

Mark Henry is #19 and throws a lot of people around but can’t get anybody out. Shelton Benjamin is #20 to fill the ring up even more. Jericho and Punk go up top for no apparent reason other than for Shelton to charge the corner and hit a kind of double DDT to bring them both back down. Billy Regal is #21 and goes right for Punk, who beat him for the IC Title a week or so again.

Mysterio dumps Henry off camera to thankfully get someone out of the ring. HHH is upside down in the corner but he winds up sitting on the apron. Here’s Kofi at #22 to speed things up as well as he can with so many people around him. Taker dumps Benjamin and Kane is #23. After beating up a few people he stares his brother down before they start working together to chokeslam some people.

Punk pulls Regal out and brags about it without getting thrown out. R-Truth is #24 and nothing happens. Rob Van Dam makes a one night only return at #25 after not having been seen in the WWE in about a year and a half. That at least wakes the crowd up but there are too many people in there for his style of stuff to work. He loads up the Five Star but Truth is too close so he has to bail out in mid air.

The Brian Kendrick is #26 back when he was actually a big deal. To show how big he is, he manages to dump Kofi and get thrown out by HHH in about fifteen seconds. Dolph Ziggler gets lucky #27 but only lasts about six seconds longer than Kendrick with Kane getting the point. Your future World Heavyweight Champion ladies and gentlemen. Santino is #28 and breaks Warlord’s record of two seconds in the Rumble by being clotheslined out by Kane before he can even stand up straight.

Jim Duggan makes his token Rumble appearance at #29 and he punches everything in sight, including knocking the Dead Man down. Big Show is #30, giving us a final group of Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, RVD, Duggan and Big Show, or half the field in the entire match. Nearly everyone goes after him at once but it’s Duggan that gets tossed instead.

Jericho tries to put a sleeper on Show but it gets about as far as you would expect. Taker throws Punk to the apron as Show dumps Truth. Punk fires off some kicks and hangs on three times so Show finally knocks him out cold and out to the floor. Show knocks out Knox and Mysterio as Horny gets in for no apparent reason. Finlay tries to save him and gets dumped for his efforts at good parenting.

Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Kane and Orton hits the Elevated DDT on HHH. Taker and Show have their required staredown and RVD hits the Five Star on Orton. Jericho comes up behind Van Dam to dump him while Rob holds his ribs. That’s his last WWE appearance to date. Chris turns around and sees Taker who tosses him with glee. Legacy teams up to put Kane out and we’re down to Taker, Big Show, HHH and Legacy.

The trio surrounds Undertaker as HHH gets chokeslammed. Taker does the same to most of Legacy so the giants punch each other a lot until Show gets knocked to the apron and hangs on with his feet flying off the apron. THAT was cool. Not that it matters anyway as he gets RKO’ed out a few moments later but it still looked good. Show pulls Taker to the floor a minute later because that’s how he rolls.

So as people expected at the time, it’s HHH vs. Legacy for the Rumble. Taker and Show fight into the crowd for no apparent reason. HHH goes after Rhodes first but the numbers catch up with him. He gets beaten down and Orton says pick him up. The RKO is countered though and HHH sends Orton to the apron. There goes DiBiase and Rhodes follows, but Orton sneaks up on HHH and throws him out to win the Rumble.

Rating: D. This was one of the weaker Rumbles there’s ever been. For one thing, it was clear that Orton was going to win no matter what happened. Second and probably more important, they got caught in the classic Rumble trap of having WAY too many people in there at once. They didn’t even try the three act structure here and it showed badly. That’s something Pat Patterson was absolutely amazing at and he was gone by this point.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s clear that the company was in a transitional period here and that makes this a hard one to get through. There’s enough good stuff here to check it out, but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. The only really solid match is Edge vs. Hardy and even that is nothing really worth seeing. This is a rare instance where the Rumble didn’t dictate how the show went as the rest of it is a far easier sit than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C

Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C-

So let me get this straight: every match is literally within a single grade of the original but the original is nearly two grades higher? Dang I was REALLY feeling generous that day. A show with an hour long match that gets a D doesn’t sound like a B+ overall to me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/28/royal-rumble-count-up-2009-the-voices-tell-me-no-one-but-orton-has-a-chance/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2008: Jeff Could Win

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re in New York City again and there are three main events tonight. We have the usual Rumble and Edge defending the Smackdown Title against Mysterio, but the interesting one here was Orton defending against Jeff Hardy. I don’t know how they did it, but the company did an OUTSTANDING job of making Hardy seem like he had a very real chance of taking the title tonight and shocking the world. I had no idea who was going to win and I LOVED that feeling. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses more on the show being in MSG than anything else.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Flair’s career is on the line but MVP’s US Title isn’t. Flair talks about having his first match here in 1976 but MVP’s music cuts him off. MVP takes him into the corner to start and he’s BALLIN already. Flair goes after the arm for a second before chopping away at the jumpsuit. MVP comes back with a running boot to the head for two before hooking a chinlock. The fans tell MVP that he sucks as he cranks on the chin.

Flair fights up and picks the leg, only to get small packaged for two. A backdrop puts Flair down and there’s a running boot to the face in the corner for three, but Flair has his foot on the rope. You know MSG isn’t buying that one. Flair tries to steal the pin but gets clotheslined down for his efforts instead. A superplex gets two for MVP and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Flair starts trying for some fast pins before slugging away. MVP punches him down and hits a facebuster, but the Playmaker is countered into a quick Figure Four to end this.

Rating: C. This was about what you would expect. At the end of the day, everyone knew Flair wasn’t going to lose this but it was a way to give him one last moment in MSG before retiring in April. I’m not wild on him beating the US Champion clean but the title hasn’t meant anything in years anyway so what difference does it make?

Vince talks to Horny about the Rumble. This is during the “Vince is Hornswoggle’s dad” phase. Vince tells him to not trust Finlay but he has to win. Finlay comes in and takes some offense to Vince telling them not to trust each other.

Mike Adamle is introduced as the newest broadcaster. Oh dear. For those of you that don’t remember him, imagine Cole but with something resembling charm.

We recap Jericho vs. JBL. JBL cost Jericho the title at Armageddon and tonight is the blowoff. JBL brought Jericho’s children into this too, saying Jericho would have to admit to them that he’s a coward. Jericho would use this same line against Shawn soon after this.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Feeling out process to start with JBL hiding in the corner and ropes a few times. Jericho forearms him down and pounds away but gets sent to the floor. That doesn’t last long as he slides right back in and hooks the Walls but JBL immediately grabs the rope. A baseball slide keeps Jibbles on the floor where he is sent into the steps. Back in and Jericho charges into a hot shot to put both guys down.

A clothesline (not the one from down under) puts Jericho down as apparently he has a bad throat and neck coming into this. Bradshaw slingshots Jericho throat first into the middle rope and hooks a quick sleeper. Jericho fights out of it and hits a clothesline of his own, only to charge into a big boot. John sends him shoulder first into the post which busts his head open somehow. Back in and JBL pounds away at the cut as a villain would do. Jericho comes back but they botch a clothesline, causing both guys to get booed loudly. A Cactus Clothesline sends them to the floor where Jericho cracks JBL with a chair for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work at all for the most part. Jericho didn’t work at all as a face with the short hair during this comeback and I think everyone knew it. Thankfully he would turn heel over the summer and have the feud of the year with Shawn. The ending to this sucked and I don’t think they had any other matches after this.

Jericho destroys JBL post match and chokes him with a cord, which is what JBL did to him. That gets Jericho cheered at least.

Santino tells Ashley that Maria won’t do Playboy. Thank goodness he was wrong.

We recap Edge vs. Mysterio. Edge is with Vickie now who just happens to be the corrupt GM. Mysterio won a Beat the Clock challenge by beating Edge himself to earn the shot. Edge is annoyed that Rey is claiming that Edge is just using Vickie, which of course he is.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending if that’s not clear. Vickie, Hawkins and Ryder are at ringside as well. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans LOUDLY boo Rey and cheer for Edge as Rey kind of messes up a rana. Edge runs him over but Rey speeds things up, causing Edge to panic a bit. Rey gets sent to the floor where Hawkins and Ryder go after him, only to stop when they’re nearly caught. The referee ejects them anyway.

Back in and Rey almost hooks the 619, only to have the champion bail to the floor. Rey is perfectly cool with diving to the floor to take out Edge, drawing boos in a bizarre sequence. Back in and a seated senton gets two for Rey but Edge takes his knee out to take over. Edge pounds away and hooks a half crab for a little while. Rey comes back with kicks to the face to escape and you would think he was choking a kitten from the crowd’s reaction.

Rey loads up the 619 but charges into a powerslam for two. Off to a kind of ankle lock hold but bending the knee instead of the ankle. Edge tries to take the knee brace off of Rey but gets caught in the sitout bulldog to put both guys down. Mysterio uses his good leg to kick Edge in the face for two before hitting another kind of seated senton for two. Like an idiot, Rey goes up and hits a double stomp for two. Smart move on a bad knee Rey. Edge is sent to the floor where Rey slide through the ropes into a tornado DDT for two back inside.

Back in and Edge kicks Rey right in the face to put him down again. Why over complicate things? The spear misses so Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash, but Vickie pops out of her wheelchair to break up the count. Edge misses another spear and puts himself in 619 position, but Vickie jumps onto the apron to take the hit, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. This was ok but you kind of expect more from Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. The ending was about Vickie, which would become a running theme over the next few months. Edge being all conniving and backstabbing the already evil Vickie was awesome stuff, but getting there was tedious at times. Still not a bad match at all though.

Mr. Kennedy is waiting for Flair when he gets out of the shower in a towel. Shawn comes in before anything happens and shakes hands with Flair. Shawn: “Imagine, a loud mouthed platinum blonde with a catchphrase. That gimmick will never work.” Batista comes in (pop), as does HHH (lesser pop). HHH: “I’ve said this a lot of times before Ric, but put your pants on.” It turns into a merchandise plug in a cute bit.

Maria comes out to do the Royal Rumble Kiss Cam. This eats up some time until Ashley comes out to ask Maria to be in Playboy again. Santino comes out to insult the fans (and the Giants), saying the people would cheer if you asked if they wanted hepatitis. He brings out Big Dick Johnson with a rubber chicken and wearing a half Patriots jersey. You can figure this one out for yourself.

WrestleMania ad featuring Mae Young as a lifeguard. Ok then.

Mike Adamle introduces us to the next match, featuring Randy Orton vs. Jeff Harvey.

We recap Hardy vs. Orton, which is based on three simple words: Hardy could win. Apparently this match drew HUGE numbers for the Rumble, which showed why they held out on Hardy winning the belt for nearly a year. Hardy hit a HUGE Swanton off the set on Raw, which made you wonder how far he would go to win here. The video is a mini-history of Orton’s career to this point, which isn’t really a good idea for a heel. This is followed by a music video about Jeff Hardy set to the song Rooftops by the Lost Prophets, which really fits him well. I remember being very excited for the match and this video was a big reason.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is Intercontinental Champion. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking over via a headlock on the mat. An atomic drop gets two but Orton hits him in the face and brags to the crowd about it. Orton gets sent to the floor and a baseball slide sends him into the barricade. Hardy follows with a plancha to the floor as JR SCREAMS to get Orton back in the ring. Randy tries to walk out with the belt but Hardy will have none of that. Orton is rammed into the announce table and back inside we go.

As Hardy tries a springboard, Orton dropkicks him right back to the floor in a big crash. There’s the Orton Stomp and some choking as Orton shows off his wide range of offense. This is before Orton was orange so the visuals aren’t all that bad. A pair of knee drops get two on Hardy as Orton asks the fans if they believe in Jeff still. Hardy sends Orton over the top to the floor, followed by a bad clothesline off the apron (it hit Orton’s arm and completely missed his neck and chest).

Back in again and Jeff misses a charge into the post, giving Orton both a two count and control again. Randy hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors followed by a powerslam for two. Back to the chinlock (yep it’s an Orton match) to fill in some time. Jeff fights up again and takes Randy down with a clothesline but can’t follow up. Jeff starts striking with everything he’s got and hits the Whisper in the Wind to fire up the crowd even more.

That’s one thing I haven’t talked about enough here: the fans are WAY behind Hardy here. It isn’t the usual New York reaction to a face. They want Jeff to win the title NOW. Hardy hits the slingshot dropkick in the corner but before he can hit the Swanton, Randy bails to the floor. Jeff is cool with that and hits (kind of at least) a moonsault to the floor. Back in and Jeff loads up the Twist but Orton counters into the RKO out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. That’s a really bad finish for a few reasons. First of all, it’s WAY too sudden. If they were shooting at punching the audience in the stomach I guess they accomplished that, but it doesn’t do much else. Hardy winning was an option, but at the end of the day they made the right move here….I think. I was disappointed Hardy won, but thankfully WWE stretched it out for a LONG time before he got the title, which was the right move at the end of the day.

Hardy gets a well deserved standing ovation. His time would come.

We get the Rumble by the Numbers video, which is always a favorite of mine. Here are those numbers:

20 years of history

21 winners

569 superstars in the Rumble

36 eliminations (by Austin, since broken by Shawn)

11 Rumbles for Shawn (since broken by Kane)

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

3 identities under which Foley entered the Rumble in 1997

2 feet that must touch the ground

1 woman in the Rumble (Chyna, since joined by Beth Phoenix and Kharma)

62:12 of time that Mysterio was in the Rumble

2 seconds that Warlord lasted in the Rumble (since broken by Santino)

3 wins for Austin, still a record

1 is the spot that has the same amount of wins as #30 (Shawn and Undertaker)

4 men that have won the Rumble from the 27 spot, the most ever

73 percent of the Rumble winners have won the title at Wrestlemania

I love that.

Royal Rumble

As introduced by Michael Buffer (only the Fink gets all caps in the Garden), #1 is Undertaker, #2 is Shawn Michaels,. Now how’s THAT for an opening pair? Isn’t it amazing how a RANDOM pairing finishes the match the previous year and opens it this year? 90 second intervals here which seems to be the right amount of time most of the years. Taker powers Shawn around to start and elbows him in the corner.

Shawn gets crotched on the ropes but Taker GOES AIRBORNE with a running boot that misses in the corner. Shawn charges into the grip of Taker as he gets back in but there’s no chokeslam. Taker kicks him in the face instead as Santino is #3. Twenty five seconds later Shawn superkicks him and Taker gets the elimination. Shawn tries to dump him but Taker hangs on and works on the arm.

Old School is countered and Shawn hits an atomic drop as Great Khali is #4. Taker jumps him as he comes in as Shawn is down from something we missed. The big chop puts Taker down as the fans tell Khali he can’t wrestle. They grab each other by the throat but Khali misses a chop and gets eliminated. Shawn never touched Khali but charges at Taker when it’s just the two of them.

Hardcore Holly is #5 and is a tag champion here. Taker slugs Holly down but Shawn tries to dump the big man again. John Morrison, also a tag champion but with Miz instead of Cody Rhodes like Holly, is #6. Morrison looks at Taker and immediately goes after Holly instead. Shawn dumps him to the apron but John gets back in. That winds up being bad for him as he get slammed down by Shawn followed by the top rope elbow.

Shawn tunes up the band but Morrison blocks the kick. Tommy Dreamer is #7 to a big pop and a LOUD Tommy Dreamer chant. #8 is Batista as we get another good blast of energy. Big Dave and Taker knock everyone down (no eliminations) and they stare each other down, only for Dreamer to charge at Batista, earning himself an elimination. Shawn goes after Batista now but Dave spears Morrison down instead.

Hornswoggle is #9 and immediately dives under the ring without ever getting in. Batista and Taker hammer on each other in the corner as Holly clotheslines Shawn to the apron. Chuck Palumbo, a lame biker at this point, is #10. Taker flips Morrison to the apron but he hangs on again. Shawn and Morrison fight on the top rope as Jamie Noble, Palumbo’s enemy at this point, is #11. Noble has taped up ribs so his offense can’t last long. Palumbo dumps him after less than a minute.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Holly, Batista, Palumbo and Morrison in the ring with Horny underneath. #12 is CM Punk as Morrison makes ANOTHER impressive save. Punk is insanely popular in New York of course and fires off running knees in the corner to everyone he sees, only to charge into a clothesline from Undertaker. Morrison, the guy that took the ECW Title from Punk, pounds away on him. Punk takes Palumbo out but gets jumped from behind by Shawn.

Cody Rhodes is #13 before he means anything at all. Yes he’s a tag champion, and yes I stand by what I just said. Cody goes after Punk before shifting over to Taker like an idiot. Umaga is #14 to a decent pop. He spikes Holly out and gets to try on Batista for a bit now. Shawn gets backdropped to the apron but hangs on of course. Snitsky is #15 and badly pounds on everyone at once.

Rhodes jumps on Snitsky’s back and they both head to the apron but no further than that. Taker gets headbutted by Umaga as the ring is starting to get too full. Miz is #16 with those stupid shorts of his. He goes after Punk as Taker tries to put Umaga out. Shelton with his even stupider gold hair of his knocks both Miz and Morrison off the top and onto the ropes but not out, before walking into a superkick from Shawn for the elimination in less than 20 seconds.

Jimmy Snuka of all people is #18 to a HUGE pop. He goes after Morrison as the fans do Snuka’s barking kind of chant. Taker gets a headbutt which staggers the dead man before Snuka goes after Miz. At #19 here’s Roddy Piper to an even BIGGER pop. He takes his shirt off and causes about half the audience to faint before having a showdown with Snuka, which the rest of the match (remember this includes Umaga, Taker and Shawn) stops to watch. Piper pokes Jimmy in the eyes and the match finally picks up a bit.

Kane is in at #20 to hopefully clean out the ring a bit. Yep he knocks out Piper and Snuka before chokeslamming Miz. Taker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but before he grabs the throat, he spins around and grabs Michaels instead. Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Rhodes. Punk and Morrison pick up Carlito but he kicks off the ropes and sends them both into them. Punk kicks Morrison in the head but gets caught by a Backstabber. Cool little sequence there.

Mick Foley is #22 and you know the fans freak out for him. A double arm DDT takes Kane down as Umaga hits a Samoan Drop on Taker. The ring is WAY too full now with Taker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito, Foley and Horny under the ring. Morrison hits a springboard kick to take Foley down and Kennedy is #23. I’ll say this: the ring has some star power in it.

There’s a Mic Check to Miz and a kick to Taker after he sits up from something. A chokeslam puts Kennedy down and Taker starts beating up everyone. Here’s Big Daddy V at #24. Taker shoves Snitsky out, Shawn superkicks Taker out and Kennedy throws Shawn out. The only question I have from that: why is Taker on his feet after being superkicked? Taker drops a leg on the announce table on Snitsky because he’s a big jerk at times.

Kennedy and Rhodes fight to the apron as Henry is #25. Horny comes out from under the ring and pulls Miz out from the ring for an elimination. Horny goes back under the ring as V is trying to put out Morrison and Kennedy. Chavo is #26 and freshly ECW Champion, thereby making it clear that the ECW Title isn’t a world title. Kane sends Morrison to the apron and then to the floor with a big boot.

Horny comes in again as V and Henry double team him. Finlay runs out ahead of the gun (presumably at #27) and blasts both guys with the club. He and Horny leave through the ropes and don’t return, with the official statement being that Horny was eliminated for leaving and Finlay was disqualified. In the Rumble. Yeah this story was just badly done overall. Elijah Burke (D’Angelo Dinero) is #28.

Chavo dumps Punk after taking his title on Tuesday. That’s just overkill man. Umaga spikes Batista under the ropes and out to the floor. HHH is #29 which leaves a hole at #30. Basically every major star has entered and the announcers aren’t sure who is possibly left. Rhodes, V, Foley and Burke all go out at HHH’s hands before he pounds on Umaga. The countdown begins for #30.

The roof is blown off the Garden, because JOHN CENA is #30. This is shocking as Cena had torn his pec and had announced that he would be gone until Wrestlemania at the earliest. Imagine that: lying about an injury and getting a big response from the crowd. Who would have ever thought of that, and in wrestling of all things? Carlito, Chavo and Henry are all gone in about fifteen seconds before it’s HHH staring Cena down.

We’ve got Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane, Umaga and Kennedy to go. HHH takes Cena down with a spinebuster but walks into a superkick from Umaga. Batista takes Umaga down with the spinebuster and dumps Kennedy to get us down to five. There goes Umaga and we’re down to four. HHH and Batista dump Kane and we’ve got three left. Batista gives the double thumbs down, Cena says you can’t see me and HHH says suck it. Them are fighting catchphrases and it’s on.

Trips and Cena go after Big Dave but he clotheslines them both down. The spinebuster plants Cena and another one takes HHH down. The fans don’t seem thrilled with Batista so they cheer when Cena backdrops him down. HHH clotheslines Batista out and we’re down to HHH vs. Cena.

Since this is New York, the fans hate Cena by default and it’s boo/yay time. Triple H pounds away but walks into the Protobomb and the Shuffle. The finishers are both countered and they clothesline each other down. Cena can’t FU HHH out and gets caught in a DDT. The finishers are countered again until Cena hits the FU on HHH for the elimination and the win.

Rating: C+. It took awhile to get through the bad parts but once Cena’s music hit the place was electric. The fans booing Cena doesn’t surprise me at all because that’s how New York works. Cena would wind up facing Orton at No Way Out for some reason, resulting in a three way at Mania with HHH involved as well.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it definitely wasn’t terrible but at the end of the day, nothing is really all that good here at all. The best match is probably Hardy vs. Orton and that’s just ok. On the other hand though, nothing is really bad here and you likely won’t be bored with the show. It’s one of those shows where you watch it and other than Cena’s return, you probably won’t remember watching it two days later.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Wow the Smackdown title match really changed things around here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 2007: The Feud of the Year

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles

The company has finally settled down to the point where major changes are mostly done. The three rosters are working well enough and talent is moving from show to show fast enough to keep things interesting. There has however been one change, though it’s more the end of an experiment: all pay per views are now done by all brands, meaning there are no more Raw or Smackdown pay per views. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how this started twenty years ago, as you would expect it to. It also talks about the main event matches tonight, as you would expect it to as well.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk is defending and Miz (a reality TV star turned wrestler) and Morrison (formerly Johnny Nitro) are Smackdown Tag Team Champions. The team of course jumps CM at the same time because one on one, neither have a chance to beat Punk. Punk kicks the tar out of Miz’s head and gets a quick two on Morrison. Both challengers are sent to the floor where Punk takes both of them out with a suicide dive. Back in and Punk gets caught in a double suplex after the springboard clothesline fails.

Miz and Morrison double team Punk but Miz is the first of the heels to go extra heel, dumping Morrison out to the floor. He hooks a chinlock on Punk but has to let go to knock Morrison back to the outside. Punk kicks Miz in the head but Morrison comes back in with a backbreaker to CM followed by a cobra clutch (called a Japanese sleeper by Joey Styles).

Miz pulls Punk to the floor and rams him into the concrete to get us down to the challengers fighting. Morrison sends him into the corner chest first and hits the yet to be named Starship Pain for two. Punk comes back in and hurricanranas Morrison off the top into a powerbomb from Miz in a SWEET looking move. That only gets two but it got a BIG reaction from the crowd.

With Morrison pretty much dead, Punk kicks Miz in the face for two and hits the knee/bulldog combo for the same. Punk hits a backbreaker on Miz but Morrison grabs a rollup and trunks on the champ for two. Morrison escapes the GTS but gets knocked to the floor, allowing Punk to hit the GTS on Miz for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Other than that hurricanrana/powerbomb spot, this was only ok. Punk had to carry the whole thing but you could see something special in Miz. It’s a little easier to see it now, but some people thought Miz would be the bigger deal because of this match. I’m not sure if I’d agree based on this match, but Miz did indeed look better than Morrison here. This was a pretty good choice for an opener, but the execution wasn’t great because Punk didn’t have enough to work with.

We recap MVP turning on Matt Hardy and taking out his knee. They had been partners for a long while before this but everyone thought MVP was evil the whole time, and this was the not very shocking turn.

MVP says that Matt won’t be competing tonight because he needs crutches to get by. That doesn’t surprise MVP, because Matt has always needed a crutch, be it either Jeff or MVP. Oh and he’s better than Matt.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. Maria is a gorgeous ditzy redhead, Torrie is a bombshell, McCool is a pretty blonde, Phoenix is a very strong woman, Jillian is ditzy as well and Layla is a British woman who dances a lot. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Melina falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (later Tara in TNA) down and it’s off to Torrie who isn’t very good in the ring. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up Torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight (spinning kick to the face after a kiss) on Melina for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kicking another hot woman in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Coach and Regal are in the back looking smug. Hornswoggle, who is Vince’s son at this point, is pacing very nervously. Remember that he faces Khali tonight.

Orton says history isn’t going to be made tonight. He’s going to beat Shawn because if Shawn uses the superkick, Shawn loses the match.

Shawn is here for revenge tonight because Orton has tried to hurt him and take his livelihood. Therefore tonight, Shawn is going to take the title.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Cade and Murdoch (two rednecks) are defending. Rhodes (Dusty’s son) is brand new at this point and spent weeks getting beaten up by Holly before Holly respected him enough to team with him. Cody and Cade start things off with the rookie getting hiptossed down. The crowd pretty much died as soon as the bell rang, which should tell you about the tag team situation at the time as these are the best Raw had for their belts.

Off to the very redneck Murdoch who chops away but gets caught in a headlock. Yeah Cody didn’t quite get anywhere as a worker for a long time. Holly comes in and is immediately beaten down by Cade. The crowd is reacting a bit so it’s not totally dead but it’s nothing special. The heels are sent into each other and fall out to the floor as Holly takes over. We actually get a HOLLY chant for the only time I can ever remember.

A rollup gets two for Hardcore and it’s off to Murdoch via a blind tag. Holly gets his head kicked off and things slow back down again. The champs tag in and out a lot before Cade picks up Murdoch to drop him down with a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock on Holly which goes nowhere so Holly suplexes Trevor down. Cade misses an elbow drop but Holly still can’t tag out.

Cade tries that dropping Murdoch into a legdrop move again but as almost always is the case, it doesn’t work this time. Warm tag brings in Cody who hits a missile dropkick on Lance for two. Holly and Cade fall to the floor and Murdoch hits something resembling a Canadian Destroyer (flip piledriver, though this was much more like a sunset flip than a piledriver) to retain.

Rating: C-. Another so-so match here but at the end of the day, it’s Hardcore Holly and a rookie Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. That’s only going to take you so far as the fans aren’t going to care about it for the most part. I don’t get why they didn’t change the titles here as Holly and Rhodes would get the belts in a month (and hold them for SIX MONTHS) anyway.

The announcers explain the concept of a Survivor Series match to the uninitiated. That’s something you hardly ever see anymore: a basic explanation of WHAT IS GOING ON. Sometimes you need to slow things down a bit and tell people how things work. If you’re flipping through the channels and see something flashy like wrestling, you’re likely to stop but if you have no idea what’s going on, you’re not likely to stay. Gorilla Monsoon was a master at doing this.

Team HHH isn’t worried about being down 5-4 coming into the match (Matt Hardy was hurt) but Kane says he isn’t an underdog. We recap the Katie Vick angle (HHH: “Uh…..yeah sorry about that.” If you don’t know what this is, be glad and keep it that way.) and Jeff reminds HHH that he put him in the hospital. HHH is sorry about that too and says tonight they can unite in the idea of doing something terrible to someone else.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio

Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Finlay, Big Daddy V

Big Daddy V is a much fatter Mabel. Kennedy’s mic doesn’t work for the live intro at first so we can only hear the ending. Jeff is Intercontinental Champion and MVP is US Champion. Remember that we’re starting at 5-4 because Matt is gone. Rey and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy using a rare power advantage to take over. Kennedy pounds in the corner but gets caught in a sunset bomb before it’s off to Jeff for a BIG pop. Rey and Jeff combine for some Poetry in Motion and Kennedy is in trouble.

Scratch that trouble as Jeff runs into an elbow (JBL: “That’ll knock the purple out of your hair!”) and it’s off to MVP. MVP limps a bit which apparently is a fake injury. Or maybe he’s making fun of Matt Hardy. Off to the 550lb Big Daddy V who uses his big fat man offense on Jeff, before stupidly throwing Jeff to the corner for a tag to Kane.

V almost immediately belly to belly suplexes Kane down for two but Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner. A top rope clothesline puts V down again but Kane has to chokeslam Finlay. V hits a Samoan Drop and a big elbow on Kane for the upset elimination. HHH comes in and hits the facebuster on the monster but gets caught by a clothesline to shift the momentum right back.

We get the match that everyone is looking forward to in HHH vs. Umaga and the fans don’t react at all. Umaga takes him down with a belly to belly of his own and a headbutt has HHH in trouble. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey pounds away but almost immediately gets knocked down by the other monster. Mysterio goes after the leg but a hurricanrana is just a bad idea. Actually it isn’t as he swings Umaga into the 619, followed by a springboard seated senton for two. Umaga unleashes a BIG SAMOAN SCREAM and hits a spinning release Rock Bottom and the Spike to eliminate Rey.

So it’s all five villains vs. Jeff and HHH, and it’s not that the two superheroes are likely to run through all five and win or anything like that of course. Jeff vs. Kennedy starts things off and Hardy is in trouble quickly. I don’t think Jeff really gets going until he looks like he’s been thrown out of a building though. Jeff comes back with a dropkick but the slingshot dropkick in the corner misses due to an MVP assist. Cole talks about how that’s the second time MVP has caused that move to miss in three days. JBL: “Maybe MVP is just smarter than the Hardys.”

Off to MVP who hooks a chinlock on Jeff which goes on for a while. Jeff fights up but gets gets caught in a fireman’s carry drop. MVP starts talking trash to the fans and walks into a Twist of Fate to make it 4-2. Kennedy is in next and walks into an enziguri, which allows for the tag off to HHH. A high knee sets up a clothesline for two for HHH followed by a spinebuster. HHH sees the human whale known as Big Daddy V coming and avoids an elbow which crushes Kennedy and allows HHH to make it 3-2.

V gets both superheroes on the floor and crushes Hardy against the post to put him down for awhile. Back in the ring HHH and Hardy avoid a charge in the corner and hit a double DDT on V for the elimination. I’ve always wondered how basic moves when a monster is fresh is enough to eliminate them. These guys have no stamina at all.

It’s HHH/Jeff vs. Finlay/Umaga if you’re keeping track. Finlay comes in and pounds away on HHH while JBL talks about how great Finlay is. Finlay goes to the middle rope and jumps into HHH’s boot to put both guys down. Hot tag brings in Jeff for a hard Irish whip into the corner and the slingshot dropkick for two. Jeff goes to the apron and is immediately drilled by Umaga to give the evil foreigners control again. Finlay whips Jeff into the corner but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. A mule kick staggers Umaga and there’s the hot tag to HHH to meet Finlay. The high knee puts Finlay down and there’s a spinebuster to follow it up.

The Pedigree is loaded up but Umaga kicks HHH’s head off to break it up. The Celtic Cross (White Noise) is escaped and there’s the Pedigree to make it 2-1. Umaga DESTROYS HHH in the corner but the running attack misses by a mile. The Pedigree and Swanton Bomb connect and we’re done.

Rating: B-. The match was pretty fun stuff but once we got down to 5-2, it was a matter of guessing what order the five were going out in rather than who was going to win. That being said, it’s probably the right move as HHH would move on from Umaga after this and take to feud with Orton. That feud would follow Hardy vs. Orton at the Rumble, so this was definitely a launching pad for the two survivors back to the main event.

Shaquille O’Neal is here.

Hornswoggle is still nervous in the back. Tonight’s match is another of those tough love things from Vince. Speaking of the boss, he comes in and Hornswoggle immediately hugs his leg. This is one of those things that I think WWE missed about Hornswoggle: he acts like a child.

Allow me to lose control for a second. HE HAS A FULL BEARD! THE GUY IS IN HIS TWENTIES! HORNSWOGGLE IS NOT A CHIL……why am I annoyed by this? It’s Hornswoggle. Vince says he made this match because Hornswoggle is a McMahon and therefore has to rise to the occasion. He compares this to his battles with Turner and the US government. Vince gives him a pep talk and Hornswoggle is ready.

Here’s Shane McMahon to the arena, rocking a suit. Shane introduces Vince and apparently they’ll be in the corner of Hornswoggle tonight. Well that’s nice of them. JBL says this is going to be Biblical. Cole: “This isn’t the Bible.”

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want.

Hornswoggle takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. He kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE! Hornswoggle dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn.

Rating: D-. Well, there was at least a purpose so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though and the whole story really wasn’t the most entertaining. At the end of the day, this is a big comedy angle designed to get……actually I’m not sure who this is designed to get over. Not that it worked anyway but some clarification would be nice.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Hornswoggle’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

Alfonso Soriano, a baseball player, is here.

We recap Shawn vs. Orton. Shawn had the title won in a previous match but Orton intentionally got himself disqualified and then punted Shawn to the shelf for a few months. Shawn admitted he wanted revenge but Vince banned the superkick for no apparent reason other than being evil.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, if Orton gets DQ’ed the title changes, Shawn can get no more shots if he loses, and if Shawn attempts to use the Superkick, he loses the match. Shawn almost immediately goes to the cravate and Orton spends nearly two minutes trying to fight out of it. Now that’s a (European) headlock. Orton escapes in the corner and Shawn raises his leg for the kick but the referee says that wasn’t an attempt. It’s going to be one of those referees I guess.

Orton drops down as Shawn runs the ropes so Shawn gets on Randy’s back and chokes away. The hold switches to a front facelock as they’re spending a lot of time in holds so far. Randy finally gets to the floor where Shawn fakes diving over the top so he can dropkick him through the ropes before faking ANOTHER dive and hitting an Asai moonsault in a good sequence. Back in and Orton rolls through a crossbody for two before hitting an uppercut to take over.

Shawn fights up and throws on the required Sharpshooter until Orton finally makes the rope. Orton comes back with a thumb to the eye and snaps Shawn across the top rope to take over. The Elevated DDT hits for two. It’s off to a chinlock by Orton as the hold marathon continues. It’s not boring or bad but it’s a very different way of going about a match.

Shawn fights back but walks into a dropkick for two. He catches another dropkick in mid air and slams Randy down a few times before hitting the top rope elbow for two. By instinct, Shawn tunes up the band but he fakes Orton out by making him duck and grabs a rollup for two. Brilliant psychology there.

In a move I was shocked to see at the time, Shawn puts on a Crossface. Remember that this is just five months after Benoit so that’s not a move you would have expected to see here. Orton finally gets a leg over the rope and Shawn looks spent from that not working. He tries the hold again but Randy clotheslines his head off for two. Orton hits the backbreaker and loads up the same Punt which kept Shawn out for five months.

Randy gets a running start but Shawn grabs an ankle lock with a grapevine to make Orton scream. Orton uses the good leg to kick Shawn away and break the hold. Why don’t more people do that to Angle? Michaels tries the Figure Four but Orton kicks him into the post. Shawn pulls up the foot for the kick but since he has to stop, Orton hits the RKO for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. I was digging the psychology here as Shawn had to come up with all kinds of ways to beat Orton instead of the superkick. It says a lot about Shawn that the only way they could have Orton be able to hang in a fight with him was to take away Shawn’s big move. Orton would hold the title for another five months or so until HHH (of course) took it away from him.

Orton demands that Shawn say Orton is the future but Shawn is pretty out of it. Not out of it enough though as there’s the superkick we were waiting on.

Cole is talking about the main event and SAVE US. For those of you unfamiliar, this was a series of videos that popped up at random on shows with what looked like the Matrix announcing that someone was coming to SAVE US. It would be revealed the next night that it was the return of Chris Jericho.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker. Batista lost the belt to Undertaker at Wrestlemania and they feuded for the title on a few PPVs. After a cage match on Smackdown, Edge cashed in the MITB contract and won the title from Undertaker. Later, Edge was hurt and had to vacate the belt, which was won by Khali. Batista eventually beat Khali for the belt and Undertaker came back to challenge him for it.

They fought at Cyber Sunday with Batista winning, which made them 1-1 with a few draws. Undertaker wanted one more match and Batista was perfectly cool with that, but Undertaker wanted it in the Cell. See how that worked? It was a natural progression with the Cell being the FINAL match between them (one on one at least). That’s a logical progression that you rarely get anymore.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Batista is defending. Undertaker charges to start and is caught in a headlock before getting run over by Big Dave. Undertaker shrugs it off and tries an early chokeslam but Batista fights out of it. This is one of those feuds where you don’t bother with the basic stuff and go with the big power moves because that’s all that’s going to have any effect. Undertaker clotheslines him down and pounds away in the corner. We’re still in the early going here so this doesn’t mean a lot yet.

The Snake Eyes and big boot get two for Undertaker and it’s already chair time. Batista hits a BIG spear to take Undertaker down and gets the chair. That goes badly for the champ as Undertaker kicks the chair back into his face and gets two off a clothesline. They head outside and Undertaker keeps control with a solid shot into the steps. Batista gets raked against the Cell and there’s the legdrop on the apron.

To stay on the throat, Undertaker puts the chair over Batista’s throat and slams the bottom of the chair into the steps. The champ is bleeding from the mouth now. Back in and Undertaker covers by driving a forearm into the throat. Undertaker is kind of the heel in this match, which says A LOT about how over Batista was here. Back in, Undertaker loads up Old School but Batista catches him in the spinebuster in a cool counter.

They slug it out and Batista takes over with a clothesline that gets two. Batista hits a powerslam and takes it back to the floor. They’ve done a solid job here of having both guys dominate for a long stretch which usually works well for a big time match. Undertaker whips Batista into the Cell to take over again so maybe what I just said is nonsense. Batista gets rammed head first into the steel and things are starting to pick up.

A chair shot keeps Batista down and the champ is cut open on the forehead. Batista blocks Old School again and hits a superplex to put both guys down. As Batista is crawling over to him, the Dead Man tries the Hell’s Gate (triangle choke) but it’s not on full. Batista makes the rope and heads to the floor for a breather, setting up the Undertaker Dive over the top rope.

Undertaker picks up the steps and tries to ram Batista with them, but the champ pulls himself up using the cage and kicks them back into Undertaker’s face. Batista picks up the steps and just rams Undertaker in the head with them four or five times to draw blood. Back in and Batista does the stupid thing of punching Undertaker in the corner and gets a Last Ride for his efforts. That only gets two and the pop isn’t huge from the crowd. They know we’re getting A LOT of finishers before a pin here.

There’s a chokeslam but it only gets two. The Tombstone is countered into a spinebuster for two and there’s another spinebuster for good measure. It’s table time and Batista easily powerbombs him through it….for two. There’s the pop from the crowd on the kickout that we were looking for. Now the Animal loads up the steps but Undertaker backdrops him onto said steps for two. The Tombstone hits….for two again, making Batista one of a handful of people to survive the Last Ride, Tombstone and a chokeslam.

Undertaker KILLS Batista with a Tombstone on the steps but someone pulls the referee out of the ring at two. It’s the returning Edge, who I presume was hiding under the ring the whole time. He steals a camera and clocks Undertaker with it before hitting a Conchairto on the steps. Batista has no idea this is going on after the Tombstone. Edge pulls the champ on top and the pin is pretty much academic.

Rating: B+. This was very good but it never quite got to that level that they were hoping for it to I don’t think. The problem is this was match was based on respect instead of hatred which takes a lot out of a match like this. Edge would win the title in a triple threat next month and eventually lose it to Undertaker at Wrestlemania.

After the Cell is raised, Edge beats on Undertaker some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a nice surprise. The Tag Team Title match is some uninspired stuff but other than that (ignoring the non-match between Khali and Hornswoggle) there’s nothing bad on here at all. The Divas match is what it is and if the worst thing I have to do is look at Kelly Kelly and Maria in barely there shorts for five minutes, I’ve got a good show on my hands. The big matches delivered and the other matches aren’t bad so this is a solid show all around and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Original: B-

Redo: C

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

Original: D

Redo: D

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Original: D

Redo: C-

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: B

Batista vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

The main thing I’ve learned about myself from these redos is that I was a lot looser with my grades back then. The redo grades here are a lot more toned down and it’s a bit harder to please me now.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/16/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2007-batista-vs-undertaker-in-the-cell/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event – September 7, 2017: I’ll Walk With You

Main Event
Date: September 7, 2017
Location: CenturyLink Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

We’re in a new era here because a change in the commentary team is enough to warrant calling it a new era. Corey Graves has moved up to Smackdown so this show falls to Joseph and McGuinness, who probably aren’t going to change all that much. Hopefully the show is good, though as usual it depends on what you get from Monday. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

TJP/Brian Kendrick vs. Mustafa Ali/Lince Dorado

Dorado enziguris Kendrick to start and gets two off a dropkick. Ali comes in with a neckbreaker for the same but it’s off to TJP for a headscissors into some dabbing. A double slam drops TJP and Kendrick charges into a double flapjack. TJP gets in a clothesline from the apron to drop Ali and the villains take over for the first time.

It’s off to Brian for an armbar with a neck crank but TJP can’t get the kneebar. Kendrick can get a superkick to his jaw though and the hot tag brings in Dorado. A moonsault press gets two on TJP and everything breaks down. Dorado dives onto Kendrick and it’s the 054 from Ali to put TJP away at 6:32.

Rating: C+. These cruiserweight tag matches have been getting a lot better in recent weeks. They’re flying all over the place and showing what they’re capable of doing, which makes them great choices for opening matches like this one. TJP has grown on me considerably and Ali is getting better every single time. Good, fun match here.

From Raw.

John Cena vs. Jason Jordan

Before the match, we look at Cena answering an open challenge from Kurt Angle fifteen years ago in his debut match. The fans are actually behind Cena, which should tell you a lot about Jordan’s future. Jason grabs an early takedown and grabs a waistlock. Cena can’t do much with him to start until a hard clothesline drops Jason without much effort. A suplex gets two on Jordan, followed by a hard whip into the corner for the same as we take a break.

Back with Jordan hitting his own suplexes and that’s enough for Cena, who initiates the finishing sequence. Jordan’s rollup is countered into the STF but he reverses into something like a Crossface. Cena powers out (because he’s Cena) and reverses another suplex into a crossbody. That’s enough for Cena though as he grabs the AA for the pin at 11:38.

Rating: B-. These performances make Jordan look like a star but the whole being Angle’s son thing is really not doing him any favors. It’s not an effective story and I think WWE is starting to get that. Hopefully they build Jordan up and then do something to get rid of the Angle connection because it’s not doing much for him.

Post match Roman Reigns comes out for a chat. Back from a break with Roman asking why it took a veteran twenty minutes to beat a rookie. I don’t think Reigns knows A, what a rookie is or B, how to tell time. Cena says Roman is starting to ask questions and that’s the worst thing he could do. They’re distracting him and he’s out here with his zipper down. Reigns: “I busted it actually. Big dog.”

Cena promises that Reigns will get his answers at No Mercy, either by a guy who has lost his steps or someone who has been stringing Roman along. Roman is going to learn that he’s an entitled golden boy while people like Chad Gable, Jason Jordan and even the Miz have had to fight and claw their way to get where they are. Point being, Cena doesn’t respect Reigns because Roman is the only one living a lie. Reigns wants to fight right now but Cena doesn’t seem interested. That makes Roman think he’s all talk, which is why Reigns doesn’t respect him.

From Raw again.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Jeff Hardy

Miz is defending. Jeff gets three near falls in the first minute before a clothesline puts Miz on the floor. A dive is teased but Jeff pulls back as Miz moves, sending us to a break. Back with Jeff getting two off his sitout gordbuster but mostly missing the Whisper in the Wind. Dallas offers a distraction so Axel can break up the Swanton, leaving Matt to take care of both of them. All three are ejected and it’s Jeff grabbing a rollup for two.

Miz’s DDT gets the same but he misses the running clothesline in the corner. Miz hits a running knee ala Daniel Bryan for two and we hit the YES Kicks. Jeff is right back with a dropkick but his dive off the apron is broken up. We hit the Figure Four for a bit with Jeff getting out without too much trouble.

The Twisting Stunner has Miz in trouble so he heads outside, only to get caught by Poetry in Motion against the barricade. Back in and the Swanton misses thanks to Maryse telling her husband it was coming. Another Twist of Fate is countered into the Skull Crushing Finale to retain the title at 13:02.

Rating: B. Better match than I was expecting and Miz retaining clean (the Maryse thing wasn’t interference) is a good idea. The fact that they’re pushing Miz’s total days as champion is interesting too as he’s only about six months away from setting the all time record for combined days with the title. That’s easily something he could reach, along with most title reigns. They would be crazy not to push the heck out of that and it seems to have started.

Elias vs. Kalisto

The fans seem interested in walking with Elias. After a little ditty about how there’s nothing cool about Omaha, we’re ready to go. Kalisto starts fast with a bunch of kicks to the leg and we take an early break. Back with more kicks, followed by the hurricanrana driver. Not that it matters as Elias nails Drift Away at 5:55. Not enough shown to rate but it felt like they were very rushed.

Video on Big Show and Strowman breaking the ring back in April.

Big Show vs. Braun Strowman

Inside a cage with pinfall/submission/escape to win. Strowman splashes him up against the cage to start but runs into the KO punch as we go to a break. Back with both guys down again until Show slams him into the cage over and over. Show tries to climb for some reason and gets crotched, only to shove Strowman off again.

That means a top rope elbow for two and a THIS IS AWESOME chant. Show goes for the door but gets pulled back, only to have Strowman get the door slammed on his head. A double shoulder puts both of them down but Show’s chokeslam is countered into a DDT for two. The chokeslam is good for two and Show escapes the powerslam. Strowman misses a charge and goes into the cage wall but is still able to catch Big Show escaping. The big old superplex plants Show and it’s the running powerslam for the pin at 16:58.

Rating: B. These two continue to surprise me as they haven’t actually had a bad match. WWE has a bad tendency to turn these battles of the big men into really boring matches but this was another great power match with both guys looking good. It’s also proof that having an obvious winner isn’t the worst thing in the world. Strowman was obviously winning (Big Show isn’t Kalisto after all) and it didn’t make the match any less entertaining.

Post match Strowman says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Lesnar. Now it’s time to put Big Show out to pasture, so Strowman powerslams him through the cage (a section of which breaks and falls to the floor) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Pretty standard episode this week, though I really like that cage match. The Reigns vs. Cena stuff is still entertaining and I remain stunned by how well they’re treating Elias. He’s barely lost aside from Finn Balor and that’s quite the record for someone who shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Hopefully things go well for him and he can get back on Raw soon enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6