Monday Night Raw – July 15, 2002 (2016 Redo): Back to the Beginning
Monday Night Raw Date: July 15, 2002
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
This is a big one. Last week it was clear that something had to change around here after one of the most dreadful nights in the history of this show. It’s not so much that the wrestling was bad (save for the mixed tag) but there was almost nothing worth watching and one boring match after another. Things really do need to change and change they will. Let’s get to it.
Undertaker is in his locker room with…..Paul Heyman? Maybe a Mean Mark reunion? Heyman takes credit for tonight’s main event (Undertaker/Brock Lesnar vs. Ric Flair/Rob Van Dam) because he’s looking forward to Undertaker vs. Brock at Summerslam. Undertaker is ready to make Brock famous and Heyman gets out as fast as he can.
Opening sequence.
Here’s the NWO to open things up. Actually it’s just their music as Vince McMahon comes out instead. Why did he do that you ask? It’s because the NWO is gone for good, no matter what. That’s certainly an improvement and it’s not like those that story was doing anything for anyone other than Shawn and the now injured Nash.
Vince goes over some of the World Champions in the company’s history (omitting some big names and getting some major reactions to some others) but says it’s time for a new era. The shake up of both shows begins right here because both show will have a General Manager. Vince says “General Manager” about ten times and kind of threatens the audience with what’s going to happen. The roster is sitting in the back watching the announcement because that’s what wrestlers do.
Flair thinks the new boss will be a McMahon.
Jeff Hardy/Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Eddie Guerrero/Chris Benoit
Elimination rules so this has a lot of potential. It’s a big brawl to start with Spike forearming Eddie for a way too early two count. Spike tries a sunset flip but gets small packaged to get us down to 3-2. Bubba gives Eddie a Bubba Bomb but Regal breaks up the cover and drags his partner into the corner for the tag off to Benoit.
The beating goes on for a bit until some Dudleyville right hands take Benoit down. Jeff comes in off the hot tag so house can be cleaned, only to have Eddie pull him down from the floor. The fast pace continues with Eddie taking Jeff’s head off with a clothesline and Regal hitting his weird jumping knees. A butterfly suplex gets two and the fans are staying right there with Hardy (Odd pink/white shirt aside. It looks like he poured paint over his head.).
Bubba makes a save and everything breaks down into the huge brawl. Eddie throws in the European Title with Bubba nailing Regal in the head for the DQ. A Swanton Bomb gets rid of Regal and we take a break with Benoit/Guerrero vs. Hardy to go. Back with Jeff grabbing his double legdrop rollup to get rid of Guerrero. Benoit snaps off a German suplex but gets caught by the Whisper in the Wind. Cue Eddie for another distraction so Regal can get in a brass knuckles shot to knock Jeff silly. The Crossface on the unconscious Hardy gives Benoit the win.
Rating: B. Now this is more like it. They were beating the heck out of each other at a frantic pace which is the kind of opening match you never get around here. To top it off they even managed to keep a champion strong as it took three people and a brass knuckles shot to put Hardy down. Well done all around here and a really good opener.
Bubba and Spike save Jeff from going through a table.
Coach speculates that the new GM could be Mick Foley or Vince’s brother (there’s a name you almost never hear about) but Heyman thinks it’s him. Paul goes up to see Vince but a woman comes in to tell Vince that the new GM just arrived. After a break the new GM comes in and it’s…..Shane McMahon, who isn’t the GM. Well so much for that. Shane is here to make sure Vince doesn’t screw things up. Vince: “You tried to put me out of business and now you have this concern?” Remember that line when we get to Smackdown. Shane knows who it is and thinks the new GM is a parasite.
Tommy Dreamer and Van Dam don’t know who the GM is but Rob had fun beating Heyman up last week. Rob leaves and Steven Richards comes in to set up a Singapore Cane match for later. Stevie canes Dreamer for a little preview.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Steven Richards
Canes are legal. The brawl heads outside early on with Dreamer picking up the steps (dude follow the rules) and getting caned in the jaw for his efforts. It’s a strong enough shot to draw some blood and Stevie suplexes him onto the ramp. Back in and Richards hits him a few more times as there’s only so much you can do with Singapore canes. Dreamer says bring it on and unloads on him with the cane. The DDT gets two but Richards’ superkick gets the same. Dreamer grabs the damaged stick and SHATTERS IT over Steven’s head for the pin.
Rating: D. The match was an excuse to do violent stuff to each other and that’s fine enough for something this short. It wasn’t the worst match in the world or anything and this was just over a year since ECW went under, meaning it doesn’t feel as pitiful as some of the nostalgia pushes like we’ve seen over the years.
Booker T. says that even though the NWO is dead, he still has issues with the Big Show. He wants to see a Coacharooni because Rock isn’t the only one who can mess with the Coach. The dancing isn’t that impressive and Lawler wants to know if Coach is Caucasian. Booker is all fired up….and here’s Eric Bischoff. Yes seriously, THIS is where they decided to debut him.
Here’s Vince in the arena to introduce the new General Manager: ERIC BISCHOFF! It doesn’t have quite the impact since we just saw him before the commercial. I’ve never understood that thinking and it really does hurt what should have been a huge moment. Bischoff talks about running the real WCW, meaning not the watered down version that invaded this company.
We hear about all the signings he made to show off his ruthless aggression. Next up are the Raw spoilers as the crowd is just dying listening to this speech which has NOTHING to do with what’s going on here. Nitro changed the face of sports entertainment forever and Bischoff made Vince keep up with him.
Bischoff was THIS CLOSE to putting the WWF out of business (not quite) and now it’s time to turn this show around. Eric says we’ll start things on Vengeance when he’ll sign the one piece of talent he never could get his hands on: HHH. So we’re just supposed to forget the Jean-Paul Levesque days? Bischoff promises to put the E back in WWE to FINALLY wrap this up.
Post break Bischoff sucks up to Undertaker despite him never coming to WCW (“I guess loyalty meant more to you than money.”) but Bradshaw scares the new boss off.
Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus
Molly is defending and I have no idea why this isn’t on Sunday’s pay per view. Lawler’s monitor goes out and the thought of not being able to see Trish terrifies him. Why he can’t just LOOK UP isn’t clear but I guess it’s a Bischoff rule. A running flip neckbreaker gets two for the champ and Trish trips trying a clothesline. Molly gets two more off a backbreaker and easily counters Stratusfaction into a rollup with feet on the ropes to retain.
Ric Flair isn’t interested in Bischoff.
Big Show vs. Booker T.
Show easily takes over to start and gets in an impressive looking suplex. A whip sends Booker into the corner and Show casually leans into a raised boot. Booker Cactus Clotheslines him to the floor but misses a chair shot. Show grabs the chair instead, shoves the referee and chairs Booker for the DQ.
Rating: D. So wait. They split up the NWO and NOW they make Show tough again? As usual Booker gets to look like nothing for the sake of another Big Show push because the real money is in Big Show and his bad fitting singlet. I really don’t get this but if Booker wins the rematch via pin, it makes up for a lot.
Show chokeslams Booker through the announcers’ table.
Heyman talks about Bischoff while Brock Lesnar lifts a piece of the set. You know, as monsters do. Paul has a plan for the tag match and Lesnar is pleased.
The announcers pay tribute to Jimmy Miranda, the head of the merchandise stands. I’ve heard Austin and Jericho speak very highly of him.
Hardcore Title: Christopher Nowinski vs. Bradshaw
The title now has a Texas flag design and I actually kind of like it. Nowinski is challenging of course and tries to get out of the match. Chris offers to lay down so Bradshaw can get the pin but IT’S A SWERVE! I mean, the SWERVE doesn’t work but at least he tried. The beating takes Chris into the back where Johnny the Bull jumps Bradshaw and wins the title.
Show comes in to see Bischoff and gets a match with Booker on Sunday.
Johnny the Bull thanks Eric for the chance and gets clotheslined so Bradshaw can get the title back.
Undertaker and Lesnar have a showdown.
Undertaker/Brock Lesnar vs. Rob Van Dam/Ric Flair
Flair and Undertaker start things off with some early chops actually setting up a WAY too early Figure Four. Undertaker will have none of that so Flair hits him low, only to have the champ get in a chokeslam for two. It’s off to Lesnar who throws Ric all over the place and gives him the triple backbreaker. Undertaker gets a thumb to the eye but you don’t need to be able to see to superplex Flair into a big crash.
A great looking powerslam plants Ric again but Flair is able to get over for the hot tag. Van Dam kicks Brock down and gets two off Rolling Thunder to Undertaker. Everything breaks down and Brock gives Flair the F5. A kick to the chest sets up the Five Star hits on Lesnar, only to have Undertaker plant Rob with the Last Ride for the pin.
Rating: C. This started off slow but a hot ending really helped pick it up. I’m really not sure why they didn’t just have Flair lose here as you would think he was the perfect option to do the job. But hey, that’s the point of the Intercontinental Champion right? Lesnar continues to not look great but putting him in there with people like Flair and Van Dam should do him some good.
Bischoff calls Rock and says he’ll be at Smackdown to sign him.
Overall Rating: C+. The show worked well enough but the Bischoff speech in the middle just crippled the whole thing. I liked the wrestling better this time around but there are still a lot of things in their way. We’re now pretty much back to where we were with the two owners (or at least we will be after Smackdown) and that’s…..not the most interesting idea in the world. Raw can be good if it can get out of its own way but given the way things have been going in recent weeks, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – July 1, 2002 (2016 Redo): Make Yourself Famous
Monday Night Raw Date: July 1, 2002
Location: Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re starting the second half of the year as things aren’t exactly the most thrilling at the moment. The big story here though is Jeff Hardy challenging Undertaker for the Undisputed Title in a ladder match. Now this match is really, really fondly remembered but I wasn’t blown away when I saw it a few months back. Maybe another viewing will change that so let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Vince’s Ruthless Aggression speech from last week which transitions into Lesnar destroying Van Dam.
Here are Heyman and Lesnar with the former talking about how this is the summer of Brock Lesnar. See, Brock has the intelligence to be inspired by people like Kurt Angle. Over on Smackdown, Angle issued an open challenge to any rookie (actually it was to anyone Angle had never wrestled but whatever). Tonight, Lesnar has issued an open challenge to any veteran willing to be put into retirement.
Brock Lesnar vs. Ric Flair
Flair calls himself a legend but Brock says it’s the wrong year against the wrong guy. As usual, Lesnar is just not a good talker. Lesnar shows off the power to start but gets slowed down by a chop. A powerslam plants Ric and it’s time for Heyman to dance a bit. Some backbreakers send Flair outside because he has no idea what to do with a monster like this.
Back in and Brock goes shoulder first into the post but grabs the bearhug anyway. A not great looking spinebuster has Flair begging off but also sets up a low blow on Brock. The Figure Four is quickly broken up but Flair goes after Heyman, setting up the F5 to give Brock the pin.
Rating: D+. Lesnar beating a legend is a good thing but it didn’t exactly show us anything new. We’ve seen Brock do the exact same stuff time after time and that’s not exactly thrilling. He really is just a monster who is rising up the ranks but the lack of charisma and presence is hurting him.
Jackie Gayda says she didn’t lose the Golden Thong Award because she just didn’t win. Also, Molly Holly cost them the tag match last week. Cue Molly so they can brawl into the arena with Jackie missing a swing with a pipe. The fight heads into the ring but here’s Trish to pants Molly. Humiliation ensues.
Christopher Nowinski doesn’t want the Hardcore Title because it’s not worth the constant looking over your shoulder. Fair point actually.
Bradshaw vs. Christopher Nowinski
Non-title. Bradshaw beats him up and goes for weapons, only to be told that it’s a regular match. Chris gets in a bell shot for the cheap pin.
Rob Van Dam arrives and is annoyed that Lesnar has already had a match. He’ll settle for William Regal instead.
Jeff Hardy runs around backstage and climbs onto various things because tonight is a ladder match.
And now, Goldust is Darth Vader. Booker says he’s never seen Star Wars and he never will but he does seem to like the Lightsaber. “OBI-BOOK KENOBI!!!”
Vince and Eddie have a chat about ruthless aggression. The Spanish translation for ruthless aggression: EDDIE GUERRERO. Chris Benoit comes in and is ready for his Raw debut tonight. “The Smackdown guys” will have to be compensated somehow, even though Vince owns both shows now and should be able to dictate all roster moves.
Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal
Neither title is on the line. Regal starts with the half nelson suplex and those evil forearms to the face. The jumping double knees to the face have Van Dam in even more trouble and we hit a chinlock. A monkey flip gives Van Dam a breather and a spinning crossbody is good for two. Regal’s tiger bomb is countered with a backdrop and the Five Star gives Rob the pin.
Rating: C. Completely acceptable match here, assuming you’re ok with a champion losing clean. I get the idea of building towards Van Dam vs. Lesnar again and it gives Brock an actual feud but the lack of any serious drama doesn’t help much. This was fine though and that’s an improvement for Raw.
Post match Van Dam calls out Lesnar but Heyman comes out and says they’ll do it at Vengeance, presumably for the Intercontinental Title.
Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero
This is Benoit’s first match in over a year. Guerrero and Spike start things off with a dropkick and neckbreaker actually putting Eddie down. Bubba comes in and scores with a running splash in the corner as this is more one sided than you would expect. Benoit gets the tag and actually earns a nice round of applause for his first appearance in so long. It’s nice to see the fans show appreciation like that.
The first German suplex rocks Bubba but he partially lands on Benoit’s head for a somewhat scary visual. It’s back to Spike so we can get to the real beatdown. Bubba has to break up the Crossface but the save only allows some double stomping. Eddie dropkicks Benoit by mistake though and the Dudley Dawg sets up the hot tag to Bubba. One heck of a powerbomb gets two on Eddie as everything breaks down. What’s Up hits Eddie but he’s fine enough to climb the corner for a hurricanrana on Bubba. Not that it matters as Bubba gets in the Bubba Bomb to put Eddie away.
Rating: B. Who knew Bubba and Spike worked so well together? This was way better than I was expecting with Bubba doing everything he could and Spike taking a beating like few others could pull off. Benoit is back and while him losing doesn’t make a ton of sense, he looked great out there, especially with the suplexes.
Post match Spike gets thrown through a table and Bubba takes the Crossface, which turns into a choke.
Rey Mysterio is coming.
Big Show yells at Goldust, who says he’s Show’s father. Goldust hits him in the head with a plastic sword but here’s Kevin Nash, who says he’s Goldust’s daddy. You know, Nash and Dusty do have some similarities. Goldust gets beaten down.
Jeff Hardy ladder match highlight reel.
Undertaker isn’t worried about being in a ladder match and walks out when asked if he’s nervous. JR interprets this as being scared.
X-Pac is out too.
Booker T. vs. Big Show
This was supposed to be a tag match but Goldust and X-Pac are taking their naps. They take turns hitting each other in the corner and Show gets the better of it with a vertical suplex. It’s off to the bearhug for a bit, followed by a hard clothesline to drop Booker. Speaking of dropping, Show gets low bridged and dropped out to the floor. Show picks up the steps but gets them kicked back into his face for the very lame countout.
Rating: D-. Oh come on with that ending. You can’t have BIG SHOW do a job against Booker T., who could easily be in the main event scene at the drop of a hat. Big Show on the other hand looks like he’s wearing a one piece women’s swimsuit and has almost no business anywhere near above the midcard. But the NWO was a big thing years ago so let’s go with that.
Booker leaves through the crowd to avoid the NWO.
Post break here’s the NWO with Nash punching Show in the face. Shawn plays peacemaker and everything is cool because HHH is about to join the team. Ignore the fact that the NWO is on Raw and HHH is on Smackdown of course. For reasons of “it’s the NWO”, this takes WAY too long to accomplish. Shawn superkicks Show to wrap it up.
Vince makes Undertaker vs. Rock at Vengeance.
Matt Hardy wishes his brother luck and Lita makes a cameo to say the same.
WWE World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker
Undertaker is defending and it’s a ladder match. JR warns us that this could be the biggest trainwreck in history. Before the match, Jeff jumps onto Undertaker’s motorcycle to start the mind games. The champ goes outside and has a ladder dropkicked into him, followed by a chair shot to the head.
That goes nowhere though as Undertaker clotheslines Jeff’s head off, only to have Jeff send him into the ladder up against the apron. Another ladder shot to the head knocks Jeff into the announcers’ table but Undertaker opts to climb back down and do some more beating. They both wind up inside for I believe the first time with the very slow beating continuing. Jeff slugs away for a bit but is punched right back down to kill the crowd again.
Undertaker puts Jeff inside the ladder for the apron legdrop and the destruction continues. A Whisper in the Wind gets Jeff out of trouble and he uses the ladder as a springboard to take Undertaker down again. It’s time for the big ladder and a horrible looking hurricanrana sends Undertaker outside. Jeff gets a hand on the belt but a chair to the back brings him right back down.
Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Jeff gets in a weak chair shot to the head. Thankfully Undertaker almost pops back up so Jeff BLASTS him with a much better shot. That’s not really sold either as more chair shots slow Jeff down. A chokeslam off the ladder (chokeshove really) allows Undertaker to pull the title down.
Rating: C-. This is one of those matches that just hasn’t aged well. I remember losing my mind when Jeff hit Undertaker with the chair on the original viewing but this really doesn’t hold up later on.The last few minutes help this but it was a long squash until the ending. We’ve sat through a few weeks of Undertaker destroying the Hardys and now he does it again in Jeff’s signature match before moving on to the Angle match. Not great but watchable enough.
Undertaker leaves as Jeff pulls himself up. That’s not cool with the champ so he comes back and gives Jeff a Last Ride. Undertaker tries to leave again but Jeff says he’s still standing. Well with some help from the ropes that is. That brings Undertaker back to the ring again but he raises Jeff’s hand in a sign of respect.
Overall Rating: D+. This show is running with an anchor but they’re getting a few steps further this week. The main event made an attempt at elevating new stars and the tag match in the middle of the show was strong. Unfortunately this show’s biggest problem is that it’s compared to Smackdown. The blue show is doing almost everything right and making almost none of Raw’s mistakes. They’re trying a bit harder but there’s still a long way to go.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – November 24, 2016: No Thank You
Impact Wrestling Date: November 24, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s a holiday show and that means a lot of things could happen. In this case we’re also going to bear witness to Matt Hardy’s Ice Cream Social because this show is whatever the Hardys come up with to be all zany. As far as wrestling goes, we’ve got Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake with title shot vs. Drake being allowed to talk on the line. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the DCC attacking and defeating Eddie Edwards and Jeff Hardy last week.
Here’s Jeff to open things up in the arena. Jeff says today is all about family and while he’s not at home, the Creatures are still his family. As much as Jeff wants to jog Matt’s memory, he needs to deal with the DCC right now. Cue the DCC on screen to say they’re many, and can destroy the obsolete later tonight in a No DQ match. The unmasked men come to the ring but Jeff gets in a few shots and bails like a wise man.
At the Hardy Compound, Senor Benjamin is reading an adult magazine and Vanguard I is drinking lemonade. Matt goes off to set up for the Ice Cream Social and Vanguard I is worried that Matt will never get his memories back.
Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee/Marshe Rockett vs. Go For Broke vs. Rockstar Spud/Decay
Elimination rules meaning all three have to be eliminated (And NO, this isn’t TNA using a WWE idea. I need to stop being a WWE fanboy and shut up and enjoy this amazing concept!) and non-title since there isn’t a title for this Team X Gold thing. Mandrews, Steve and Lee start things off with the Brit cleaning house.
Spud comes in and gets slammed by six different people without an ejection because the rules are only enforced when it’s convenient. Abyss even gets in a slam on Spud because well why not. A missile dropkick puts Abyss down but Mandrews’ followup doesn’t work quite so well as he crashes to the floor. Abyss hits him with a chair and that’s a DQ. Oh wait it’s an EJECTION instead of a DQ. Ignore the whole rules being broken because apparently DQ’s have been replaced by ejections.
Mandrews taps out to a crossface chickenwing a few seconds later and Josh goes on a limb suggesting that the team with three members is in control at the moment. Everett moonsaults onto Steve for an elimination, only to get caught in the DJZ for an elimination almost immediately thereafter. So it’s DJZ/Sutter vs. Lee/Rockett vs. Spud. Sutter’s Flatliner gets rid of Lee but Spud and Rockett get in an argument over who gets to beat up DJZ. Unfortunately Spud realizes he has no partners left so it’s a kick to Spud’s face and a Rock Bottom for the elimination. Another Flatliner gives Sutter the final pin at 8:07.
Rating: D+. This is one of the dumbest concepts TNA has ever had and that’s saying a lot. There’s no structure, the rules make little sense (Hitting someone with a chair in front of the referee is a DQ. Stop trying to make this more complicated than it is.) and one team has completely dominated the whole thing. I really don’t get what they’re going for here but it’s falling really, really flat.
Allie is playing with dolls and talking about Thanksgiving when Maria and Laurel Van Ness come in. They rip on Allie for being stupid and Maria says Allie will be serving them dinner on their double date. Are we just supposed to forget Allie standing up to Maria a few weeks ago?
Matt says his food will make Robert Irvine’s cooking obsolete, sending Vanguard I a shot of hope. The first guest, a referee, comes up and has some tapes to show Matt.
It’s time for Thanksgiving dinner with Allie dressed as a Pilgrim. She doesn’t want Braxton Sutter to see her like this so guess who Laurel’s date is (Braxton has apparently taken the fastest shower in wrestling history as he looks fine here). Laurel and Mike Bennett say what they’re thankful for and Maria yells at Allie for trying to speak. Van Ness hits on Braxton and Allie finally snaps, calling Laurel a big meanie (Is there any wonder why she’s the most over person on the roster?). Maria gets pied and that’s about it. There was a chance for a followup there but since it’s TNA, we just go to the next segment.
Carter and Drake are ready for their main event tonight.
Matt looks at clips of becoming World Champion and can’t believe he was that violent. Reby doesn’t know what to do now.
Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake
Title shot vs. being able to speak for the rest of the year. They start brawling on the floor for a bit until Carter hits a dropkick inside to take over. Drake slowly pounds away but gets clotheslined right back to the floor as we take a break. Back with Drake being sent into the steps but he snaps Ethan’s throat over the top. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a powerslam for two on Ethan.
With nothing else to do, Drake grabs a microphone and talks trash while stomping away. He slaps Carter in the face a few times but gets caught in the TK3. The 1%er is countered into a torture rack neckbreaker but Carter comes right back with a frog splash for the same. Blunt Force Trauma gets two for Eli and the 1%er gets the same. The rear naked choke makes Drake tap at 16:04.
Rating: B-. Not bad here as Drake continues to look good, though I have no idea where this rear naked choke came from. Carter just started using it a few weeks ago and now it’s some devastating finisher. Drake not being able to talk could be rather entertaining but I could go for him winning a big match for a change.
The Hardys hypnotize Matt to fix him. Well that’s underwhelming. Another snap of the hypnotist’s fingers turns Matt back into his one true self, meaning the one who doesn’t like wrestling.
Al Snow/Mahabali Shera vs. Tribunal
Snow and Baraka start things off with Basile yelling about the old man. The trapping headbutts have Snow in control and it’s off to Shera for the dancing. Thankfully that doesn’t last long and it’s back to Snow, who gets caught in the wrong corner. That only lasts a little while as well before it’s off to Shera for the Sky High and another near fall. Everything breaks down and the Snow Plow is broken up, leaving Baraka to hit Snow with a foreign object for the DQ at 6:34.
Rating: D-. THIS FEUD IS SO BORING! I can only imagine this feud is to appease the Sony Six audience as Shera is little more than a goon while Snow is a role that could be played by anyone else. It doesn’t help that this story has been going on and off for the better part of six months now with almost no advancement.
Grado and Robbie E. are put in a turkey suit match to bring back a tradition.
Grado vs. Robbie E.
They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.
Aiden O’Shea comes out to make Grado put on the suit and dancing ensues. Total waste of time here but at least it wasn’t Al Snow and the Tribunal.
Rosemary is ready for her cage match next week.
Jeff Hardy vs. Bram
Anything goes. Jeff knocks him to the floor to start and hits a dive, only to have to back off from the DCC. Back with Bram charging into boots in the corner but Storm comes in, which makes perfect sense. Well save for him waiting five minutes to interfere that is. Jeff makes another comeback but has to deal with Storm while Bram goes outside for a chair. The Whisper in the Wind gets rid of Storm and the Twisting Stunner gets two on Bram. A quick Last Call knocks Jeff into the Brighter Side of Suffering for the pin at 11:56.
Rating: C-. Well that happened. This was much more storytelling than a match as Jeff needs backup to help him fight off the odds (Where was Eddie Edwards tonight?), preferably in the form of his brother. There wasn’t much to this one and that’s fine enough, especially when it’s a story instead of a big match.
The DCC poses with the titles.
Reby is at her wits’ end with Matt but he just can’t remember what’s going on. Matt storms out of the house freaking out and asks the seven deities to send him a sign. He is then hit by a bolt of lightning, which turns him back into Broke Matt.
Overall Rating: D. Same problems as usual for TNA here: too much Hardy (though his normal self was making me chuckle) and a horrible lower card dragging down the good things this promotion does. Team X Gold gets more annoying every single time as there’s almost no consistency, let alone a point, to the whole thing. It also doesn’t help that TNA doesn’t really have anything to build towards since they only have Impact at the moment. I’ve seen worse episodes, but this wasn’t very good.
Results
Go For Broke b. Decay/Rockstar Spud and Marshe Rockett/Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett – Flatliner to Rockett
Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake – Rear naked choke
Al Snow/Mahabali Shera b. Tribunal when Baraka used a foreign object
Robbie E. b. Grado – Rollup
Bram b. Jeff Hardy – Brighter Side of Suffering
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – June 24, 2002: The Lesnar Problem
Monday Night Raw Date: June 24, 2002
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Thank goodness we’re past the miserable King of the Ring and that means it’s time to get read for Vengeance. Brock Lesnar is the new King and that means he’ll be challenging for the title at Summerslam, but that’s still a long way away. On top of that we’ve got the NWO running around doing…..something that isn’t entirely clear. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
The midcard is around the ring and here’s Vince for the opening speech. Vince is often asked what makes him such a success and without a doubt it’s RUTHLESS AGGRESSION. We hear about how he beat WCW and the federal government before Vince asks which of them has the ruthless aggression he’s looking for. For some reason he keeps getting in Bradshaw’s face during this speech. Well that would fit the idea of pushing mostly older names who aren’t getting over anytime soon.
Vince starts praising Brock for winning last night while getting in Rob Van Dam’s face. A few matches are set up for later and Vince goes on a big rant about how important it is to be ruthless. This brings out the NWO with Shawn Michaels offering the team’s services to clear out some of the weaklings. Nash says if anyone has issue with that, go headline a few Wrestlemanias and then give them a shot.
Booker and Goldust are ready to fight the NWO because there’s no one tighter than the two of them. I mean, they’re buddies! Homies! They’re practically married! Thank goodness they’re not on the same show as Billy and Chuck. Vince makes Booker/Goldust vs. X-Pac/Big Show and threatens to fire Nash, just like he did to Scott Hall. Booker can dig that, sucka.
Bradshaw/Spike Dudley vs. William Regal/Christopher Nowinski
Lawler is too busy looking at the Harvard yearbook as Bradshaw throws Spike onto the two pompous jerks. Nowinski gets beaten up to start but Spike gets pulled out to the floor so Regal can start the beating. A very quick hot tag brings in Bradshaw for the house cleaning, including the Clothesline to Regal, only to have Chris grab a rollup and trunks for the pin.
Vince has a few names he wants fired, starting with Tommy Dreamer and Raven. They’ll have a match tonight and the loser is banished from Raw. The boss heads into a locker room and gets to see Jackie Gayda in her lingerie. That’s part of the build for the Divas Undressed special you see. Undertaker comes in but Vince tells him to not worry about Jeff Hardy because Jeff is a pushover. This was another version of beating you over the head with exposition.
Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Eddie Guerrero
Before the match, Eddie says there’s no way he’s going through a table. Bubba goes right after him with the high powered offense before trying an early Bubba Bomb….which is reversed into a rollup to give Eddie the pin in less than a minute. Huh?
Post match Eddie gets powerbombed through a table. Chris Benoit runs out to put Bubba in the Crossface. Again I say: huh? This whole thing, including Eddie’s long pre-match promo, took less than five minutes.
Rey Mysterio is coming. Now THAT is a way to fire up a show.
Goldust is now the Crocodile Hunter to check out the NWO locker room. Big Show is sound asleep and doesn’t hear Goldust loudly talking just a few feet away. X-Pac chases him off and Big Show talks about cheeseburgers. He was awake like half an hour ago and he’s already talking in his sleep?
The Hardys need to become singles stars because they don’t have any Tag Team Titles to win.
X-Pac chases Goldust but runs into a trashcan lid shot from Booker. This has turned into a bad comedy chase movie.
GET THE F OUT!
Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer doesn’t even get an entrance. Raven starts fast and uses a middle rope knee to drive Tommy head first into the mat. As you might expect, Lawler is all over the history of ECW, saying the loser here could get a job in fast food if they’re lucky. Dreamer goes shoulder first into the post but grabs a DDT for two. A Death Valley Driver gets rid of Raven in a short match.
Paul Heyman is ready to crown Brock as King.
Raven leaves without even getting to change. Matt Hardy jumps him to make up for last week.
It’s time for the coronation with Heyman taking credit for everything. On top of that though, it was his idea that the winner of the tournament get the title shot at Summerslam, which must have been the idea that he mentioned to Vince a few weeks back. That’s not exactly an earth shattering revelation or anything but I’ll give them points for at least addressing it. Brock comes out so Heyman can talk about how awesome he is but Van Dam runs in for the attack.
Post break, Heyman begs for and is granted a match tonight between Lesnar and Van Dam. Vince even makes it for the title, sending Heyman through the roof with elation.
Video of Undertaker destroying Jeff Hardy in recent weeks.
Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker
Non-title. Jeff is thrown shoulder first into the post and a powerslam gets two with Undertaker pulling him up. The apron legdrop misses and Jeff gets in a dive, only to be chokeslammed on the floor. The Last Ride completes the destruction.
Undertaker rides away but Jeff says not so fast. He may have been beaten down time and time again but Jeff wants one more match: A LADDER MATCH for the title.
By the way: we’re over an hour and fifteen minutes into this show and no matches have broken three minutes yet.
Trish Stratus/Linda Miles vs. Molly Holly/Jackie Gayda
So….weren’t the Tough Enough girls on Smackdown recently? Like, in theory EXCLUSIVELY on Smackdown? Before the match, Molly says she earned the title but Trish brings up the whole cheating thing. Thankfully Trish and Molly get things going and, not so thankfully, the fat jokes are rolling early.
For some reason it’s off to both rookies at the same time, even though it would make sense to have them work with a veteran who can keep things under control. Trish and Linda take turns on Jackie’s arm until Molly starts choking on the top rope. The hot tag brings Trish back in and a Chick Kick gets two on Molly. Everything breaks down and Stratusfaction gives Trish the clean pin on the champ.
Rating: D. I get the idea of Linda and Jackie getting ring time but things might actually be able to go somewhere once we get passed Divas Undressed, which is suddenly the most amazing thing ever. It’s being treated as more important than the Women’s Title right now and that’s getting old in a hurry. But hey, that’s all the women are good for right?
We look back at Van Dam attacking Lesnar.
Van Dam and Lesnar are ready for each other.
Nash fires up the NWO.
NWO vs. Booker T./Goldust
Show powers Booker into the corner to start and the chops are enough to bring in X-Pac. Goldust comes in as well and hits his own Bronco Buster but the slow beatdown begins as the NWO takes over. Riveting stuff you see. Of course it’s time for a chinlock for a bit but a good looking spinwheel kick gets two on Goldust.
Show’s Final Cut gets two and it’s time for more kicks, only to have the Bronco Buster miss. Some heel miscommunication allows Booker to hit his trio of kicks on Big Show. Everything breaks down and Booker kicks X-Pac outside, leaving Goldust to load up Shattered Dreams on Big Show. This of course takes WAY too long and it’s the chokeslam to put Goldust away.
Rating: C+. Not bad here as they were smart enough to put Show on the apron for most of the match. He’s fine when they just let him beat people up and doesn’t do much otherwise, which is the best idea when you have three people this talented out there. Also at least they had Goldust take the fall instead of Booker and now Nash can be happy.
Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar
Lesnar is challenging and runs Rob over in the corner to start. The fans get distracted by something in the corner of the arena but a jumping kick to Brock’s face brings their attention back. The beating begins though with Lesnar taking Brock down and ignoring the GOLDBERG chants. We hit the suplex for another near fall, followed by the backbreakers into a bearhug which gives me time to think about the Lesnar problem.
Brock is in such a weird place as he looks great and has all the physical tools but he feels like someone who is just doing the things a great heel can do instead of actually doing them. Instead of someone who is the top star, he comes off like the ultimate dragon for the real top star to slay. Van Dam breaks out and starts the comeback with the usual, including the top rope kick to the face. Heyman offers a distraction to break up the Five Star and then comes in to break up the cover off a split legged moonsault.
Rating: C. You could hear the crowd go silent on the finish and I can’t say I blame them. It’s pretty clear there’s going to be a rematch at Vengeance but that doesn’t make this much better. Like I said, Brock really isn’t the most interesting heel in the world. We really haven’t heard anything actually from him as it’s all Heyman saying “this guy is a monster”, which we could see without Heyman around.
Heyman gets the Five Star but Brock powerbombs Rob through the announcers’ table to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Until the aftermath of Jeff vs. Undertaker, this could have been on an episode of Heat. Yeah Vince addressed the locker room and that seems to mean a grand total of nothing. Really what it came down to was “now you all work extra hard” and then it was just another episode of Raw with a first hour that meant nothing. How can you go through a show and have so little happen until nearly the last third?
Above all else though, I’m not sure what the biggest story was on this show. In theory it’s the Ruthless Aggression part but what does that even mean? Vince said it like a new buzz word but the big thing I saw was the NWO leadership treating their two active wrestlers like rookies and teasing a Vince vs. NWO feud while Lesnar destroyed Van Dam to crickets. They need to fix something in a hurry because this show was really bad with the last half hour barely keeping it afloat.
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Impact Wrestling – November 17, 2016: The New New Divide
Impact Wrestling Date: November 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
The big story coming out of last week’s show is the unmasking of the DCC, which revealed James Storm, Bram and the yet to be named Eddie Kingston to be behind the recent attacks. The group has targeted Eddie Edwards and the Hardys, meaning we might be seeing the some combination of the three fighting the DCC tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show ending beatdown.
Here’s Eddie Edwards for an opening chat. Eddie is a nice guy but he knows he has a target on his back. He’ll get right to it: he’s not leaving this ring until he gets to fight a member of the DCC. Cue all three of them though and the beatdown is quickly on with Eddie Kingston finally being officially referred to as…..Kingston. Jeff Hardy comes out for the save and cleans house.
After a break, Eddie and Jeff go in to see the boss (meaning Billy Corgan, who isn’t named here) but Aiden O’Shea won’t allow the cameras follow them in.
Jesse Godderz vs. Aron Rex
Non-title and pinfall or submission only, making this a glorified street fight. Jesse doesn’t waste any time and knocks Rex straight into the corner before trying an early Adonis Lock. That earns him a rake to the eyes and a chinlock because Rex is the kind of heel who uses a chinlock two minutes into a match. Rex takes it outside and sends Jesse into the barricade, followed by yet another chinlock. That steams Jesse’s hair so he sends Aron outside and then hammers away back inside. The Adonis Lock makes Rex tap at 7:53.
Rating: D+. The story here is solid enough but that really doesn’t make it interesting, which is mainly due to Rex. He won a title in a competition that didn’t work well in the first place and now he’s a heel just because, which puts him in a feud that keeps going against Godderz. Not terrible here but I have no interest in watching these two again.
Laurel Van Ness is texting Braxton Sutter, much to Allie’s annoyance. Maria comes up and laughs at Allie for thinking Brandi Rhodes wants to be her partner.
Due to the attack last week, Gail Kim is forced to vacate the Knockouts Title.
Hardy and Edwards get to face the DCC in an anything goes handicap match tonight.
Sienna/Laurel Van Ness vs. Brandi Rhodes/???
The villains seem to be called the Lady Squad. Better than Ladyballs I guess. Maria laughs at the idea that no one wants to be Brandi’s partner but Rhodes has a surprise: Madison Rayne. Madison and Sienna get things going with some forearms putting Sienna in trouble. It only takes some choking to get her back in control though, followed by Laurel choking with her boot in the corner.
A snap suplex gets two for Laurel but a missed charge allows Madison to make the hot tag to Brandi. Unfortunately that leaves Brandi to clean house and she’s just not ready to do that. Madison and Laurel fight outside and a bad looking Downward Spiral puts Sienna away at 6:01.
Rating: D. Brandi is in a weird place here as she’s being pushed as a big deal but just isn’t capable of hanging at that level in the ring yet. That being said, she’s had all of three matches and there’s definitely a natural charisma there. I don’t know if she’ll be in the ring long term but she’s trying. Unfortunately she’s trying on a stage she’s not ready for yet and that’s making things look bad.
Matt Hardy, still sane, doesn’t understand why he would give the trick or treaters green beans. Reby tells him to go back to the Impact Zone to save his brother but Matt would rather delete e-mails, including the Young Bucks newsletter. He mentions unsubscribing and the Scribe appears….but only Matt can see him. Reby wants him to get help.
Trevor Lee vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Lashley vs. Mike Bennett
One fall to a finish, no tags and the winner gets a title shot at some point in the future. It’s a big brawl to start with Lashley getting the better of it by suplexing Bennett and throwing Lee over the down and down onto Ethan. Back from a break with Trevor getting in some kicks to everyone’s face as Josh plugs the Wolf Creek season finale. Bennett and Lee seem to form a quick alliance but as is so often the case, it breaks down as soon as one of them wants the pin.
The fans want someone to kill the troll as Carter takes some shoulders in the corner. Ethan comes right back and loads up a double 1%er, only to get speared in half by Lashley. A cutter drops Lashley and a deadlift German suplex gives Lee two on Carter. Bennett starts snapping off superkicks and spinebusters, only to have Lashley give him the real spinebuster. Lee suplexes Lashley to block the spear (sweet counter) and dives over the top to take out Carter and Lashley. Back in and Carter grabs a sleeper to make Lee tap at 14:07.
Rating: C+. This was getting fun but at the same time it’s getting a bit tiresome to have Lashley and Carter rotating into the #1 contenders spot over and over and over. You know they’re going to get their title shots at some point so just let them have it later and try someone else in those spots for a change.
Reby and Matt look at some Broken Matt videos and Matt is terrified of the chaos.
It’s time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake asking Ethan to come out here and be his guest. Drake gets right to the point: he wants one more match with Carter with that title shot on the line. Ethan wisely says no but Drake sweetens the pot by saying he won’t challenge for the title for one year if he loses. That’s not cool with Ethan, who wants people like Eli chasing him near the top of the ladder. However, he also wants one more fight with Drake so let’s do it next week. If Drake wins, he gets the title shot but if he loses, he can’t speak for the rest of the year. That’s good enough for Drake and the deal is made.
Decay threatens Jade with destruction at the hands of Rosemary.
Basile Baraka vs. Mahabali Shera
This feud just won’t go away. Baraka takes him down and chokes with the boot as Josh goes into a way over the top plug for a new sitcom at Pop. Shera gets tired of the trash talk and gets in a powerslam but a camel clutch is countered into a rollup for two. Another slam sets up another camel clutch to make Baraka tap at 4:05.
Rating: D. Why is this still a thing? I know they need to fill in time but is this really the best they have? Or is Shera just there to keep the Sony Six people happy? Neither guy is interesting and the Tribunal, which could have been at least something, has turned into one of the least interesting acts in a long time.
Post match the Tribunal beats Shera down until Al Snow makes the save. Josh: “AL SNOW IS TRENDING WORLDWIDE ON TWITTER RIGHT NOW!” Does Josh know that trending on Twitter is a real thing and not just a random statement? Snow and Shera shake hands, which Josh calls the Mega Powers uniting. He might be the greatest troll announcer ever and I doubt he has any idea of it.
Rosemary is creepy to Jade and it’s announced that their Knockouts Title match will be inside a cage.
Eddie Edwards/Jeff Hardy vs. DCC
Handicap match and anything goes. Jeff is just normal Jeff Hardy here and gets in an early Twist of Fate on Bram. It’s too early for the Swanton though as the rest of the DCC pulls Bram outside, leaving Jeff to dive on all three of them. Eddie gets in a few shots on Storm as we take a break. Back with the DCC in control until Jeff hits Storm in the back with a few chair shots. Kingston is sent through two open chairs in the ring but Bram comes in for the save. The Brighter Side of Suffering through a table plants Edwards, allowing Storm to superkick Jeff for the pin at 13:43.
Rating: C. Not bad here but, as is always the case, TNA doesn’t know how to wait on something. It’s fairly clear that Matt is going to be the big savior for TNA and the six man will result in Final Deletion XIX or so. That should be entertaining, but would it kill TNA to wait a little longer before doing these big matches?
Overall Rating: C-. Impact really is cut in half at this point as the top half of the show is going really well but there’s such a big gap further down the card. It’s kind of hard to go from a “dream” tag team vs. the TNA Wyatts to Snow/Shera vs. the Tribunal. I’m having a little more fun watching Impact lately but, as usual, I have no reason to believe it’s going to last.
Results
Jesse Godderz b. Aron Rex – Adonis Lock
Brandi Rhodes/Madison Rayne b. Sienna/Laurel Van Ness – Downward Spiral to Sienna
Ethan Carter III b. Lashley, Trevor Lee and Mike Bennett – Sleeper to Lee
Mahabali Shera b. Basile Baraka – Camel clutch
DCC b. Eddie Edwards/Jeff Hardy – Last Call to Hardy
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Monday Night Raw – June 17, 2002: Maybe He Should Have Left Earlier
Monday Night Raw Date: June 17, 2002
Location: The Arena in Oakland, Oakland, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for King of the Ring and that means we’re getting the first two quarterfinal matches tonight. Unfortunately it means we’re also getting more of the mess that Raw has become. However, with WWE having to hit a big reset button last week, it should be interesting to see where things go from here. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap looks at Shawn Michaels superkicking Booker T. out of the NWO, somehow managing to make them even less interesting.
Opening sequence.
Tonight: the REAL STORY on Steve Austin from Confidential (a news style show that aired in 2002). Oh that could be good.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: X-Pac vs. Rob Van Dam
Non-title. We get the loud X-PAC SUCKS chants as he rides Van Dam on the mat, likely trying to show the fans up a bit. That earns him some kicks to the face and it’s time for the RVD chants. The spinning kick to the back on the apron has both of them down on the floor but it’s X-Pac coming back with a good looking kick to the face. They’re already ahead of Ernest Miller vs. Jerry Flynn so that’s quite the good sign. The Bronco Buster doesn’t work and Van Dam mostly hits the step over kick to the…we’ll say face. X-Pac sends him to the floor but Booker runs in for the Bookend, setting up one heck of a Five Star for the pin.
Rating: C+. Litany of kicks aside, this was actually quite the entertaining match, which isn’t something you see enough around here. X-Pac is still a very talented in ring worker and can hang with a high flier like Van Dam, who was on his game here as well. Van Dam going forward is interesting but I’m not sure if it’s the best idea to push the Intercontinental Champion deep into a tournament as it means either giving him two accolades or having the champ lose a big match.
We get the first Confidential clip with JR saying Austin leaving was like John Wayne becoming a coward and walking away. This is going to get bad in a hurry.
X-Pac wants Booker but Kevin Nash has a plan.
Here’s Vince McMahon for the big Austin segment. Austin really is gone and odds are he’s not coming back. Last week, Austin was booked for Raw but didn’t show up, just like he didn’t after Wrestlemania. A few months ago, Austin said he was burned out and that’s understandable so the company forgave him. This time is too much though and Austin owes a lot of people an apology. True.
Last week, Austin was in town but he wouldn’t take any calls save for one from Jim Ross. However, Austin refused to come to the arena and air his grievances, which Vince calls uncharacteristic of Austin. The company will move on and develop new ideas and new concepts, including the King of the Ring winner receiving a title shot at Summerslam. Vince knows Austin wishes everyone well and says thank you on behalf of the fans and company. A beer toast wraps this up.
This could have been much, much worse and the company comes off as taking the high road for a change. Vince made sure to say that this isn’t like Austin and it would have been ridiculous for the company to turn its back on the man who saved them at their darkest hour for one such issue. If nothing else, consider all the people who have no showed over the years and been welcomed back later. It’s nice to see them acting professional and not turning this into a comedy routine for a change. Well done here, though the show isn’t over yet.
Jeff Hardy vs. Raven
This is fallout from a match on Heat where Jeff snapped and choked Raven with a cord. Undertaker comes out at the bell and it’s Jeff taking over with an armdrag to send Raven outside. The Undertaker distraction lets Raven send Jeff outside as well though, followed by a knee to the back of the head. A quick headscissors sends Raven into the buckle and Jeff breaks up a superplex attempt, setting up the Swanton for the pin.
Rating: D+. Just two guys having a match here as Jeff’s singles push actually begins. Granted it’s not likely to get very far with the feud being against Undertaker, who isn’t known as the greatest seller of all time. At least they’re pushing someone new though as it’s one of their biggest issues.
Goldust is now dressed like a noble because he likes the sound of King Booker. So Goldust came up with that fairly awesome character? Either way it seems to fire Booker up for his match with Brock. “Now can thou diggeth that sucka???”
Molly Holly is doing squats because someone in good enough shape to be a professional wrestler apparently needs to shed a ton of weight. Coach makes stupid puns and thankfully gets slapped.
Big Show finds that funny as X-Pac comes up and calls him G-Money. We get an NWO huddle until Paul Heyman and Lesnar come in. Heyman wants the NWO to stay out of Brock’s way tonight and avoid any potential complications. X-Pac doesn’t like the idea of a threat, which makes the NWO seem like the faces in this whole thing. Shawn and Heyman have a battle of the stupid looking hats and everyone stares at Lesnar.
Chris Nowinski vs. Spike Dudley
Nowinski has William Regal in his corner. Spike stomps him down in the corner as Chris is wrestling in khakis, which come off as Spike is sent outside. Back in and we hit the choking against the ropes as Chris’ rookie offense isn’t the most versatile yet. Spike comes back with a top rope double stomp (I still don’t understand how that doesn’t crack ribs) but Regal offers a distraction so Chris can get in some weird full nelson slam for the pin.
Rating: D-. Much like the Hardy match, points for trying to introduce some new characters. Chris wouldn’t seem to be the answer to a lot of the show’s problems but you have to try something somewhere. Unfortunately the match was rather horrible and it took help to beat Spike Dudley. You have to start somewhere though.
Regal and Nowinski put the boots to Spike until Bradshaw makes the save.
Here’s Ric Flair for a chat. Last week people thought he lost everything but he realized he had to get out or put out. Ric decided that he’s found himself again and is sorry for everything he’s done. He might have lost a step but he’s still the dirtiest player in the game, which he’ll prove to Brock Lesnar.
Cue the glass shatter but of course it’s a ruse so Eddie Guerrero can come out instead. Eddie goes on a rant about losing the chance to face Austin at King of the Ring, which he blames entirely on Flair. Now it’s Benoit coming out, with Lawler still saying Benoit is on Smackdown. I get the idea that they drafted him but since he’s clearly going to be on Raw, just say something about a trade or buying his contract or something like that.
Benoit asks Eddie if he knows who he’s talking to and holds up the Horsemen sign. Eddie still doesn’t buy it so Flair offers to replace Austin at King of the Ring. The challenge seems to be accepted as Eddie says something about Ric’s madre. Benoit jumps to Flair’s defense….and then blames him for taking Austin away before Benoit can get revenge for the lost year. The beatdown is on with Eddie putting on the Figure Four.
Chris Nowinski (he’s getting a lot of time tonight) introduces himself to Vince and doesn’t seem to think much of Vince going to East Carolina University. Tony Garea of all people calls and says someone is on his way. Vince doesn’t say who it is but thinks it’s Austin.
Vince tells security to give Austin some leeway.
Trish Stratus/D’Lo Brown vs. Crash/Molly Holly
Brown and Crash got into it on Heat last night. The guys don’t do much to start so it’s quickly off to the women as Lawler tries to get the fans to chant that Molly is fat. The Chick Kick gets two but Molly puts her down, only to miss the Molly Go Round. Everything breaks down as the guys come back in with a Sky High putting Crash away. Lawler was DISTURBING here and this is getting harder and harder to listen to every week.
Molly pulls Trish off the apron, sending her face first into the announcers’ table.
Lita, who can somehow look good even in a massive neck brace, thinks Matt is being too dangerous by fighting Undertaker tonight.
Vince has a separate camera crew ready to document everything Austin does. Jackie Gayda comes in and asks to be a Raw girl but has to compete in the Divas Undressed special next week.
Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy
Non-title. Matt goes right after him but has to punch his way out of the Last Ride. A running chokeslam gets two as Jeff pulls the referee out but here’s Raven to go after Jeff because that’s still a thing. The Last Ride finishes Matt quick.
Raven handcuffs Jeff to the ropes so Undertaker can beat on him while Raven holds Matt in place. Matt Hardy can’t handle Raven?
Post break, Undertaker says he doesn’t want people making a name for themselves off of him. HHH better have been watching.
Vince gets another call but can’t hear who is on the way.
Heyman tells Earl Hebner to do his job tonight and DQ Booker as soon as anyone comes to ringside. Hebner tells him to stay out of it. Booker comes in for the catchphrase.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Brock Lesnar vs. Booker T.
The NWO comes out for commentary as Heyman starts to panic as only he can. Booker chops away to start but is clotheslined out to the floor. JR tries to find out why Booker isn’t NWO material. Shawn: “He’s a showman, he’s a dancer. There’s no place for that in the NWO.” Now Goldust comes out so we can have six extra people at ringside. A powerslam puts Booker down and Goldust decks Heyman for general purposes. The ax kick sets up the Spinarooni but the NWO gets on the apron, allowing Brock to hit the F5 (finally referred to as such) to advance.
Rating: D. This was more smoke and mirrors to protect Brock but at least Booker didn’t lose clean. It was also smart to put Booker in there to guarantee the match went smoothly as someone like Brock still needs a guide to get him through a match. Lesnar is clearly getting the rocket push, despite how green he looks out there.
Goldust and Booker get the NWO beatdown.
Vince tells Slaughter to go greet Austin.
After a break, Vince is in the ring with a beer for Austin and you can feel the fans getting excited. Garea comes out to tell Vince that it was another he……and here’s the Rock. You know, the top Smackdown pick who was around for like two episodes. Rock immediately hits the catchphrases and gives Vince fifteen seconds to get out of this ring. Vince is out at ten and Rock throws the beer over Vince’s head (with Vince on the stage) as he goes.
Rock goes on a tirade against Austin (without mentioning his name), saying if anyone else doesn’t want to be with the company, they can get the F out. He’s scheduled to be back on Smackdown July 11 but we’ll make that this Sunday at King of the Ring. In fifty years he’ll be using the people’s walker to get down to the ring because this is in his blood. We hit one more catchphrase to wrap this up. Rock was really the only name that was going to replace Austin so this was as good as it was going to get.
Overall Rating: C-. Maybe Austin should have left a long time ago. This was a much easier show to sit through as they actually advanced some stories and started focusing on some new stars. Brock is looking like a huge deal, Booker is a charged up face with people to feud with and Jeff Hardy is in a quick feud with Undertaker. Those aren’t great developments but they’re steps in the right direction, which you haven’t seen on this show in way too long. Better, but still not good this week.
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2008: The Cena/Jericho Special
Survivor Series 2008 Date: November 23, 2008
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 12,498
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Jim Ross, Tazz
The other major story on the show is Team Orton vs. Team Batista. Randy Orton vs. Batista had always been a match WWE wanted to push on a big stage but this is about as high as they ever got. They would face each other at various other pay per views in singles matches, but none as high profile as this one. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is the exact same thing it’s been for two years. Literally, they’re the same clips before we get to the stuff about the main events.
JR and Taz talk about the Hardy issue and say that ABC and TMZ picked up the story. I seem to remember that being a lie.
Team HBK vs. Team JBL
Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, Cryme Tyme, Great Khali
John Bradshaw Layfield, The Miz, John Morrison, Kane, MVP
Shawn and JBL are feuding over Shawn being broke and needing money form JBL, Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard and JTG, two thug characters) are feuding with Miz and Morrison, Kane has been hunting Mysterio and Khali and MVP (in the middle of a massive losing streak that would result in a face turn and the US Title) are there to fill out the lineups. MVP and Mysterio get things going as all of the commentators are talking at once.
Rey hits a quick hurricanrana and a clothesline for two before it’s off to JTG for a double dropkick. JTG hits a HARD right hand but MVP gets in a shot to the ribs and hits the Drive-By (running kick to the side of the head) for the elimination. Khali immediately comes in and chops MVP in the head for the elimination to tie things up.
Kane comes in for the staredown of the giants and Khali clotheslines him down with ease. Khali slugs him down and easily breaks up a chokeslam attempt. There’s the chop to the head and Rey climbs on Khali’s shoulders for the splash and another elimination. Off to Morrison who speeds things up. Mysterio hits a quick kick to the head and it’s time for Shad.
Now Cryme Tyme vs. Miz/Morrison was a feud ahead of its time: their internet shows got in an argument and a wrestling feud followed. Shad misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Miz. Since Miz isn’t quite the worker he is at this point, it’s back to Morrison very quickly. Shad runs over both members of the tag team and powerslams Miz down before hitting another overhyped elbow. Miz pops back up and hits the Reality Check (backbreaker/neckbreaker combo) to eliminate Shad.
It’s off to Shawn who comes in via a slow, dramatic step. He gets to face the Miz, meaning that entrance was wasted. To the shock of almost everyone, Miz takes over and double teams with Morrison to work over Shawn’s back. JBL, the slimmed down version, comes in to pound away and drop an elbow for two. Back to Miz who pounds away at Shawn’s bad eye, busting it open again.
Morrison comes in again to crank on a headlock and send Shawn over the top. Naturally Shawn skins the cat to come back in, as he has for years. At least Morrison jumps him when Shawn gets back inside. A forearm puts Shawn down and Morrison nips up in a little jab at HBK. Morrison misses the top rope elbow and it’s a double tag to bring in Miz vs. Mysterio. Rey hits a springboard hurricanrana into the 619 and the top rope splash puts Miz out.
JBL comes in and hits a hard shoulder to take Mysterio down. The crowd is WAY into Rey here. The fans think JBL can’t wrestle. Off to Morrison with a European uppercut followed by a backbreaker. Rey gets in a kick to the face but it’s off to JBL to hook an abdominal stretch with the leg being cranked on at the same time. Once Rey escapes, JBL uses something you don’t often see: a big boot to the back of the head. Rey blocks a belly to back superplex and hits a moonsault press to put JBL down and bust open his lip. There’s the tag to Shawn who hits the forearm and nip up of his own to send Bradshaw to the floor.
Shawn dives out to take Bradshaw out and loads up the superkick to send JBL running away. With JBL running away from the kick, Shawn slides back in and beats the count by one second, meaning JBL is gone via a countout. Morrison tries to superkick Shawn but Shawn is like boy these boots are older than you and kicks Morrison’s head off for the final pin and 3-0 victory.
Rating: C. This was fine but the ending was kind of anti-climatic. They were trying to save the Shawn pin over JBL which was a good idea as they would have a solid feud in the next few months which resulted in Shawn being JBL’s lackey because Shawn was poor. The guys other than the captains in this didn’t do much of note but that’s kind of the idea behind a match like this. Not bad but nothing great either.
HHH doesn’t think he needs to give his opinion on the Jeff Hardy situation. Either way, Hardy will be back. Tonight it’s going to be him vs. Kozlov and HHH promises to give the Russian his first defeat.
Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown
Raw: Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall
Candice is a model who wasn’t horrible in the ring, Maryse is a French Canadian bombshell and Natalya is a member of the Hart Family. Beth is the captain of Team Raw (and is dating Santino Marella) and McCool is captain of Team Smackdown. They’re also Women’s and Divas Champions respectively. For the sake of simplicity, only Michelle McCool will be referred to as Michelle. Beth and Michelle start things off with Beth controlling via a top wristlock. Michelle uses some decent chain wrestling to set up a dropkick to send Beth backwards a bit.
Maryse tags herself in and gets in a brawl with her own partner Michelle. Team Raw: “LET THEM FIGHT!” Good thinking. After the brawl is broken up, it’s Beth vs. Maria with Maria avoiding a charge and hitting a slow motion headscissors. Off to Kelly vs. Maria and hopefully this doesn’t last long. Victoria tags herself in and gets caught in a hurricanrana by Kelly for the pin. Kelly tries the same thing on Maryse for two so Maryse hits a backbreaker and gets the pin as well.
It’s 4-4 now and Mickie comes in while swearing a bit. A Thesz Press puts Maryse down and it’s off to Michelle again. They try to bridge into a backslide, fail miserably, and try again to a standoff. McCool hits a Russian legsweep for two and Mickie hits a clothesline for the same. Maria’s save hits McCool by mistake, allowing Mickie to hit the jumping DDT and pin Michelle. Mickie gets in an argument with Beth and gets rolled up by Maryse to tie it right back up.
Off to Candice vs. Natalya and they trade some rollups for two. Natalya busts out a Sharpshooter (it is the Survivor Series after all) but Jillian makes the save. Candice hits a spear for a quick pin on Natalya and it’s 3-2 with Jillian, Beth and Candice vs. Maria and Maryse.
It’s Jillian vs. Maria with Jillian getting two off a Samoan Drop. Maria grabs a quick victory roll to eliminate Jillian and ten seconds later, Candice hits a northern lights suplex to put Maria out. Maryse hooks an inverted figure four on Candice and we’re down to one on one. Maryse gets in a few shots and a rollup but the Glam Slam (double chickenwing slam) gives Beth the final pin very quickly.
Rating: D. As decent as last year’s was, this felt like your traditional Divas match. You had some decent workers but most of the girls are models who are there because of how they look in swimsuits. I’ve seen worse matches and the right choice was the survivor, but this just didn’t work for the most part.
Matt Hardy says that Jeff was hit in the back of the head with a blunt object, ending any drug speculation.
We recap Undertaker vs. Big Show. Show isn’t scared of Undertaker so he’ll win the casket match tonight.
Undertaker vs. Big Show
Casket match and the casket gets the full druid entrance. I wonder if those guys hang out at catering after this. They have a nice casket this year too instead of the normally generic ones. Show took all of 2007 off and lost a ton of weight so he’s still kind of slim here. Well slim for him that is. I don’t think the bell rang but Show starts throwing punches anyway. One misses though and Undertaker tries to dump him into the casket to no avail.
They head to the floor and Undertaker’s headbutt has no effect. Show pounds away at the ribs and rams Undertaker face first into the announce table to daze the smaller giant. The announce table gets loaded up but Show headbutts him instead of putting Undertaker on the table. Undertaker grabs one of those big monitors WWE uses and bashes Show’s head in a few times with it. A BIG leg to put Show through the table in the huge spot of the match.
They slowly start heading back to the casket but take a detour into the ring instead. Old School is countered and things slow down again. There’s a side slam from Show as the crowd is a lot less interested than they were when Undertaker was on offense. The casket it opened and Undertaker is put inside but Show has to close the casket himself.
Since Show won’t close the lid, Undertaker comes back with a bunch of punches and the jumping clothesline. Show hits a big elbow in the corner to slow down Undertaker (and the crowd) again. For some reason Show loads up a Vader Bomb when Undertaker is half up and gets chokeslammed down.
The casket is opened again and a big boot to the side of Show’s head knocks him inside, but Show blocks the lid from being shut again. Back in and Show hits the chokeslam….then destroys the casket. Show starts walking away and there’s a wall of fire to stop him from leaving. Well of course there is. Undertaker goes after him and gets punched down again, but here are more druids with another casket.
Show punches Undertaker a bit more and stands the casket up so he can ram Undertaker into it and knock both of them down. The casket is stood up again but it’s open this time. Undertaker punches Show to the edge of the stage before whipping Show into the casket, causing it to fall and shut to give Undertaker the win.
Rating: D. This is considered a horrible casket match by some people but it’s really not that bad. It’s certainly a bad match but the ending was kind of creative and what are you expecting from Undertaker vs. Big Show? They’re going to hit each other a lot and it’s going to be slow, so why do people act surprised when any match with either of these two or Kane is the same formula? Not a good match but it’s definitely not terrible.
Carlito and Primo (cousins) hit on the Bellas but can’t tell them apart. In something I never thought I’d have to say again, the Gobbledygooker pops up and the Colons think it’s Charlie Haas, but of course he pops up in the room and the Gooker is played by the Boogeyman. This would be another pointless segment.
Randy Orton doesn’t want to be team captain but his team will win anyway. He implies Cody is the weak link of the team. Cody says that if Randy is eliminated first, it’s addition by subtraction. The team has to hold them apart.
Team Orton vs. Team Batista
Randy Orton, Mark Henry, William Regal, Cody Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin
Batista, Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, R-Truth, Matt Hardy
Cody is being mentored by Orton in a group called Legacy, Shelton is US Champion, Matt is ECW Champion and Punk/Kofi are Raw Tag Team Champions. Orton cost Punk the Raw World Title back in October, Hardy and Henry are feuding over the ECW Title, Truth is chasing Shelton’s Title and Regal has been helping Orton against Batista. This is quite the intricate match for a change.
Punk immediately charges at Regal and hits the GTS for the elimination in about ten seconds. Shelton gets a very fast two on Punk before pounding away on his back. Off to Kofi who grabs a front facelock. Kofi is even more over here than usual as he went to college in Boston. Kofi tries a monkey flip but Shelton lands on his feet and brings in Henry to pound away slowly.
Henry apparently gets tired after a few seconds so here’s Cody. Matt comes in, does nothing of note, and tags in Truth who pounds away. Striker talks about what a killing Truth is making as we can hear a lot of spots being called here tonight. I don’t know if the ring is mic’d loudly or what but you can hear all kinds of stuff here. Batista comes in and everybody runs until it’s only Cody left to face him. Rhodes quickly tags out to Shelton but Batista takes him down with ease and gets two via a powerslam. Off to Matt vs. Randy as things speed up. A bulldog gets two for Matt but a moonsault misses.
It’s off to Henry who lost the ECW Title to Hardy a few months ago. Cody comes in and chokes a bit but there’s the double tag to Truth vs. Shelton. A victory roll gets two for Truth and he does his backflip into the splits spot. The spinning forearm misses completely and Paydirt (a jumping downward spiral) gets the pin for Shelton. Kofi immediately comes in with a springboard cross body for two and a dropkick to put Shelton down.
The Boom Drop gets another two for Kofi but Henry blasts Kofi in the back of the head. Henry comes in legally now for more quick pounding and it’s finally off to Orton. Orton does his really slow stomp but the knee drop misses. Randy drapes him over the top rope and hits the hanging DDT for the elimination. Punk is immediately waiting on Orton, who gets beaten up for a few moments but gets in a rake to the eyes and tags out to Cody.
Rhodes works on the arm for a bit but gets caught by the knee and bulldog combo for two. Punk goes up but Manu (the other member of Legacy who didn’t last long) distracts him long enough for Cody to shove him off the top. A DDT eliminates Punk quickly and we’re down to 4-2 with Batista/Matt vs. Orton/Cody/Henry/Benjamin. Matt comes in and hits a quick Side Effect for two on Rhodes but it’s quickly back to Henry. Matt hits an elbow to the back of Henry’s head and manages to pull off the Side Effect for two. That’s about it for Hardy as the World’s Strongest Slam takes him out, leaving Batista all alone.
Batista immediately spears down Henry to make it 3-1 as Shelton comes in. Benjamin gets caught in a spinebuster almost immediately and the Batista Bomb gets is down to 2-1. Cody comes in and peppers Batista with some right hands before charging into a boot. Batista powerslams Rhodes down and says Orton is next. Batista hits the Bomb on Rhodes but Randy made a blind tag while Cody was in the air. The RKO gets the elimination and win for Rhodes and Orton.
Rating: B. This was a kind of throwback to the old school Survivor Series matches where the numbers finally caught up with the big face and he got beat. Orton vs. Batista was one of the big matches that WWE never really got to do on the scale I think they were hoping for. They would have a long match next month at Armageddon but that’s hardly the second main event at Wrestlemania which they were capable of having. Still though, good stuff here and the best match of the night by far.
Kozlov says he’ll win.
Hardy is officially out of the title match tonight.
The recap video is pretty pointless now because the video is mostly about Jeff. Kozlov is here because HHH wanted to have some big epic match with him that no one but him was interested in. Jeff is here because he keeps getting so close to winning the title so EVIL Vickie wouldn’t let him in the match. Jeff invaded the contract signing and beat up a lot of people until he was put in the match.
Smackdown World Title: Vladimir Kozlov vs. HHH
HHH is defending. After the big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans chant USA of course and for once it’s actually appropriate. Kozlov, the amateur wrestler/combat sports expert, takes it to the mat with amateur stuff. Now remember that, because it’ll become important later. HHH gets on the mat with him and hooks a headlock. The fans now chant boring as we hit a standoff. Now they want Hardy.
They trade arm holds on the mat and then trade even more arm holds on the same mat. Back up and HHH hits the high knee and a facebuster followed by the DDT for no cover. The fans chant for TNA before HHH hits the spinebuster. Kozlov counters the Pedigree and hits the headbutt to the chest to take HHH down. Vladimir sends HHH into the corner and out to the floor where very little happens.
Back in and a fall away slam gets two for the challenger and he fires some shoulders to the ribs. A powerslam gets another two and it’s off to a body grip to slow things down even more. Kozlov hits a pair of backbreakers for two and it’s back to that grip. HHH comes back with some right hands but gets powerslammed down for another two. A comeback by HHH is countered into a belly to belly as Taz says Kozlov is going to win, further dooming him to lose. HHH hits a Pedigree out of nowhere and here’s Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero.
She says he’s here and makes it a triple threat, with the third man being the returning Edge. Edge does the psycho eyes on the way to the ring and I think a cameraman fell off the ramp as he was filming. Edge spears down HHH and here’s Jeff Hardy to destroy the Canadian. His chair shot hits HHH though, allowing Edge to steal the pin and the title.
Rating: D. There’s a lot to say here. First and foremost, as usual I disagree with anyone who said this was the worst match of the year. It’s arguably not even the worst match of the show, but think about this for a minute: are you telling me there isn’t some terrible Divas match somewhere in the year worse than this? Or that Honky Tonk Man vs. Santino Marella at Cyber Sunday was indeed better?
This match was indeed bad, but let’s think about this for a minute. Kozlov is supposed to be a combat sports expert and an amateur wrestler. So what did he do? He wrestled like his character was supposed to. Now was it boring? Absolutely. Was it a REALLY stupid move to put him in a World Title match? Absolutely. Were the fans interested? Not at all. If you want proof, back at Cyber Sunday the options for the title match were HHH vs. either guy, or a triple threat. The results were as follows:
Hardy – 57%
Triple Threat – 38%
Kozlov – 5%
Based on that alone, it’s clear that almost no one wanted to see HHH vs. Kozlov one on one. The interest just wasn’t there, so they booked a triple threat instead which there was interest in. Then they screw the fans out of their money by taking Jeff out of the match because of whatever their reasoning was. Then they flip the fans off AGAIN by having Hardy run in at the end. Hardy would pin Edge in another triple threat the next month to win the title in a shocker. Why this match didn’t happen here is beyond me, but again it’s screwing the fans out of what was advertised until the night before the show.
At the end of the day though, no one bought Kozlov as a real threat to the title. The guy just wasn’t going to be WWE Champion with the response he got, which is why Hardy was the interesting factor in this match. Without him, you have twelve minutes of your time being wasted until the ending, which should have been Hardy. Anyway, nothing to see here but it’s not the worst match of the year.
We recap Jericho vs. Cena. Jericho snuck into the Championship Scramble match last month at Unforgiven and stole the World Title while Cena was on the shelf. Tonight, Cena returns from a neck injury to try and get his title back. In his hometown. Against a guy that has literally only beaten him once. And we’re supposed to expect Jericho to have a chance because we’re supposed to ignore all that stuff.
Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Jericho is defending of course. Cena almost immediately tries the FU but Jericho bails to the apron. Jericho comes back with a headlock which works on the neck followed by a shoulder block to take Cena to the floor. John holds his neck a lot and looks shaken. Back in and Cena pounds away in the corner as they’re hitting hard but the pace of the match is pretty slow if that makes sense. Jericho takes over and things continue to go slowly.
Cena comes back with the Throwback and goes up for the Fameasser, only to come down because that’s the move that hurt his neck in the first place. Jericho takes over again and things go slowly. A kick to the side of Cena’s head puts him on the floor for a nine count. Back in and Cena slugs away but gets sent right back to the floor. Jericho throws him into the steps and heads back in for a neck crank.
After the hold is broken, it’s time for more choking followed by a full nelson. The hold lasts almost a minute and a half but Cena blocks the bulldog. A shoulder puts Jericho down but the second shoulder connects. Jericho misses the Lionsault but the Shuffle is countered into the Liontamer (kneeling Walls of Jericho)! He hasn’t used that in years but it looks awesome. Cena escapes the hold so Jericho puts on the regular Boston Crab instead. Cena, after being in the hold over a minute straight, grabs the rope to escape. Back up and Cena hits an FU out of nowhere but can’t follow up.
Both guys head up to the top with Cena slamming him to the mat, followed up by the top rope Fameasser. Cena is all fired up now but Jericho breaks up the FU and hits a Codebreaker for a delayed two. Jericho takes over and hits a clothesline followed by an EVIL smirk. He smirks a bit too much though and Cena grabs the STFU. Cena has to try to pull the hold back to the middle of the ring and Jericho kicks him away. The champ tries a small package but Cena pulls him up into the FU for the pin and the title.
Rating: C+. The match itself was fine but there was less drama in this than in a Donald Duck cartoon. At the end of the day, Cena does not lose to Jericho and he does not tap out no matter what. The wrestling was fine and it told a story and all that jazz, but I’d rather have a main event where I wasn’t sure what was going to happen than a match being designed for Cena to have everything come together and win and then everything coming together to win.
Cena celebrates to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been doing so many of these lately, but this wasn’t the most interesting show in the world. It was dull at times and almost felt like a chore to sit through. The first hour or so is WAY worse than the rest of the show, but even the last two thirds aren’t all that great. This didn’t work that well and it’s not something I want to see again.
Ratings Comparison
Team HBK vs. Team JBL
Original: B+
Redo: C
Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown
Original: D-
Redo: D
Undertaker vs. Big Show
Original: D+
Redo: D
Team Orton vs. Team Batista
Original: C-
Redo: B
Edge vs. HHH vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Original: D+
Redo: D
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
Original: B
Redo: C+
Overall Rating
Original: C-
Redo: D+
I’ve flipped on the two male Survivor Series matches but other than that it’s about the same.
Survivor Series Count-Up – 2007: The Feud of the Year
Survivor Series 2007 Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles
The company has finally settled down to the point where major changes are mostly done. The three rosters are working well enough and talent is moving from show to show fast enough to keep things interesting. There has however been one change, though it’s more the end of an experiment: all pay per views are now done by all brands, meaning there are no more Raw or Smackdown pay per views. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about how this started twenty years ago, as you would expect it to. It also talks about the main event matches tonight, as you would expect it to as well.
ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz
Punk is defending and Miz (a reality TV star turned wrestler) and Morrison (formerly Johnny Nitro) are Smackdown Tag Team Champions. The team of course jumps CM at the same time because one on one, neither have a chance to beat Punk. Punk kicks the tar out of Miz’s head and gets a quick two on Morrison. Both challengers are sent to the floor where Punk takes both of them out with a suicide dive. Back in and Punk gets caught in a double suplex after the springboard clothesline fails.
Miz and Morrison double team Punk but Miz is the first of the heels to go extra heel, dumping Morrison out to the floor. He hooks a chinlock on Punk but has to let go to knock Morrison back to the outside. Punk kicks Miz in the head but Morrison comes back in with a backbreaker to CM followed by a cobra clutch (called a Japanese sleeper by Joey Styles).
Miz pulls Punk to the floor and rams him into the concrete to get us down to the challengers fighting. Morrison sends him into the corner chest first and hits the yet to be named Starship Pain for two. Punk comes back in and hurricanranas Morrison off the top into a powerbomb from Miz in a SWEET looking move. That only gets two but it got a BIG reaction from the crowd.
With Morrison pretty much dead, Punk kicks Miz in the face for two and hits the knee/bulldog combo for the same. Punk hits a backbreaker on Miz but Morrison grabs a rollup and trunks on the champ for two. Morrison escapes the GTS but gets knocked to the floor, allowing Punk to hit the GTS on Miz for the pin to retain.
Rating: C. Other than that hurricanrana/powerbomb spot, this was only ok. Punk had to carry the whole thing but you could see something special in Miz. It’s a little easier to see it now, but some people thought Miz would be the bigger deal because of this match. I’m not sure if I’d agree based on this match, but Miz did indeed look better than Morrison here. This was a pretty good choice for an opener, but the execution wasn’t great because Punk didn’t have enough to work with.
We recap MVP turning on Matt Hardy and taking out his knee. They had been partners for a long while before this but everyone thought MVP was evil the whole time, and this was the not very shocking turn.
MVP says that Matt won’t be competing tonight because he needs crutches to get by. That doesn’t surprise MVP, because Matt has always needed a crutch, be it either Jeff or MVP. Oh and he’s better than Matt.
Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla
One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. Maria is a gorgeous ditzy redhead, Torrie is a bombshell, McCool is a pretty blonde, Phoenix is a very strong woman, Jillian is ditzy as well and Layla is a British woman who dances a lot. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Melina falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up.
Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (later Tara in TNA) down and it’s off to Torrie who isn’t very good in the ring. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up Torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two.
Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight (spinning kick to the face after a kiss) on Melina for the pin.
Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kicking another hot woman in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.
Coach and Regal are in the back looking smug. Hornswoggle, who is Vince’s son at this point, is pacing very nervously. Remember that he faces Khali tonight.
Orton says history isn’t going to be made tonight. He’s going to beat Shawn because if Shawn uses the superkick, Shawn loses the match.
Shawn is here for revenge tonight because Orton has tried to hurt him and take his livelihood. Therefore tonight, Shawn is going to take the title.
Raw Tag Team Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes
Cade and Murdoch (two rednecks) are defending. Rhodes (Dusty’s son) is brand new at this point and spent weeks getting beaten up by Holly before Holly respected him enough to team with him. Cody and Cade start things off with the rookie getting hiptossed down. The crowd pretty much died as soon as the bell rang, which should tell you about the tag team situation at the time as these are the best Raw had for their belts.
Off to the very redneck Murdoch who chops away but gets caught in a headlock. Yeah Cody didn’t quite get anywhere as a worker for a long time. Holly comes in and is immediately beaten down by Cade. The crowd is reacting a bit so it’s not totally dead but it’s nothing special. The heels are sent into each other and fall out to the floor as Holly takes over. We actually get a HOLLY chant for the only time I can ever remember.
A rollup gets two for Hardcore and it’s off to Murdoch via a blind tag. Holly gets his head kicked off and things slow back down again. The champs tag in and out a lot before Cade picks up Murdoch to drop him down with a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock on Holly which goes nowhere so Holly suplexes Trevor down. Cade misses an elbow drop but Holly still can’t tag out.
Cade tries that dropping Murdoch into a legdrop move again but as almost always is the case, it doesn’t work this time. Warm tag brings in Cody who hits a missile dropkick on Lance for two. Holly and Cade fall to the floor and Murdoch hits something resembling a Canadian Destroyer (flip piledriver, though this was much more like a sunset flip than a piledriver) to retain.
Rating: C-. Another so-so match here but at the end of the day, it’s Hardcore Holly and a rookie Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. That’s only going to take you so far as the fans aren’t going to care about it for the most part. I don’t get why they didn’t change the titles here as Holly and Rhodes would get the belts in a month (and hold them for SIX MONTHS) anyway.
The announcers explain the concept of a Survivor Series match to the uninitiated. That’s something you hardly ever see anymore: a basic explanation of WHAT IS GOING ON. Sometimes you need to slow things down a bit and tell people how things work. If you’re flipping through the channels and see something flashy like wrestling, you’re likely to stop but if you have no idea what’s going on, you’re not likely to stay. Gorilla Monsoon was a master at doing this.
Team HHH isn’t worried about being down 5-4 coming into the match (Matt Hardy was hurt) but Kane says he isn’t an underdog. We recap the Katie Vick angle (HHH: “Uh…..yeah sorry about that.” If you don’t know what this is, be glad and keep it that way.) and Jeff reminds HHH that he put him in the hospital. HHH is sorry about that too and says tonight they can unite in the idea of doing something terrible to someone else.
Team HHH vs. Team Umaga
HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio
Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Finlay, Big Daddy V
Big Daddy V is a much fatter Mabel. Kennedy’s mic doesn’t work for the live intro at first so we can only hear the ending. Jeff is Intercontinental Champion and MVP is US Champion. Remember that we’re starting at 5-4 because Matt is gone. Rey and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy using a rare power advantage to take over. Kennedy pounds in the corner but gets caught in a sunset bomb before it’s off to Jeff for a BIG pop. Rey and Jeff combine for some Poetry in Motion and Kennedy is in trouble.
Scratch that trouble as Jeff runs into an elbow (JBL: “That’ll knock the purple out of your hair!”) and it’s off to MVP. MVP limps a bit which apparently is a fake injury. Or maybe he’s making fun of Matt Hardy. Off to the 550lb Big Daddy V who uses his big fat man offense on Jeff, before stupidly throwing Jeff to the corner for a tag to Kane.
V almost immediately belly to belly suplexes Kane down for two but Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner. A top rope clothesline puts V down again but Kane has to chokeslam Finlay. V hits a Samoan Drop and a big elbow on Kane for the upset elimination. HHH comes in and hits the facebuster on the monster but gets caught by a clothesline to shift the momentum right back.
We get the match that everyone is looking forward to in HHH vs. Umaga and the fans don’t react at all. Umaga takes him down with a belly to belly of his own and a headbutt has HHH in trouble. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey pounds away but almost immediately gets knocked down by the other monster. Mysterio goes after the leg but a hurricanrana is just a bad idea. Actually it isn’t as he swings Umaga into the 619, followed by a springboard seated senton for two. Umaga unleashes a BIG SAMOAN SCREAM and hits a spinning release Rock Bottom and the Spike to eliminate Rey.
So it’s all five villains vs. Jeff and HHH, and it’s not that the two superheroes are likely to run through all five and win or anything like that of course. Jeff vs. Kennedy starts things off and Hardy is in trouble quickly. I don’t think Jeff really gets going until he looks like he’s been thrown out of a building though. Jeff comes back with a dropkick but the slingshot dropkick in the corner misses due to an MVP assist. Cole talks about how that’s the second time MVP has caused that move to miss in three days. JBL: “Maybe MVP is just smarter than the Hardys.”
Off to MVP who hooks a chinlock on Jeff which goes on for a while. Jeff fights up but gets gets caught in a fireman’s carry drop. MVP starts talking trash to the fans and walks into a Twist of Fate to make it 4-2. Kennedy is in next and walks into an enziguri, which allows for the tag off to HHH. A high knee sets up a clothesline for two for HHH followed by a spinebuster. HHH sees the human whale known as Big Daddy V coming and avoids an elbow which crushes Kennedy and allows HHH to make it 3-2.
V gets both superheroes on the floor and crushes Hardy against the post to put him down for awhile. Back in the ring HHH and Hardy avoid a charge in the corner and hit a double DDT on V for the elimination. I’ve always wondered how basic moves when a monster is fresh is enough to eliminate them. These guys have no stamina at all.
It’s HHH/Jeff vs. Finlay/Umaga if you’re keeping track. Finlay comes in and pounds away on HHH while JBL talks about how great Finlay is. Finlay goes to the middle rope and jumps into HHH’s boot to put both guys down. Hot tag brings in Jeff for a hard Irish whip into the corner and the slingshot dropkick for two. Jeff goes to the apron and is immediately drilled by Umaga to give the evil foreigners control again. Finlay whips Jeff into the corner but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. A mule kick staggers Umaga and there’s the hot tag to HHH to meet Finlay. The high knee puts Finlay down and there’s a spinebuster to follow it up.
The Pedigree is loaded up but Umaga kicks HHH’s head off to break it up. The Celtic Cross (White Noise) is escaped and there’s the Pedigree to make it 2-1. Umaga DESTROYS HHH in the corner but the running attack misses by a mile. The Pedigree and Swanton Bomb connect and we’re done.
Rating: B-. The match was pretty fun stuff but once we got down to 5-2, it was a matter of guessing what order the five were going out in rather than who was going to win. That being said, it’s probably the right move as HHH would move on from Umaga after this and take to feud with Orton. That feud would follow Hardy vs. Orton at the Rumble, so this was definitely a launching pad for the two survivors back to the main event.
Shaquille O’Neal is here.
Hornswoggle is still nervous in the back. Tonight’s match is another of those tough love things from Vince. Speaking of the boss, he comes in and Hornswoggle immediately hugs his leg. This is one of those things that I think WWE missed about Hornswoggle: he acts like a child.
Allow me to lose control for a second. HE HAS A FULL BEARD! THE GUY IS IN HIS TWENTIES! HORNSWOGGLE IS NOT A CHIL……why am I annoyed by this? It’s Hornswoggle. Vince says he made this match because Hornswoggle is a McMahon and therefore has to rise to the occasion. He compares this to his battles with Turner and the US government. Vince gives him a pep talk and Hornswoggle is ready.
Here’s Shane McMahon to the arena, rocking a suit. Shane introduces Vince and apparently they’ll be in the corner of Hornswoggle tonight. Well that’s nice of them. JBL says this is going to be Biblical. Cole: “This isn’t the Bible.”
Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali
Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want.
Hornswoggle takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. He kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE! Hornswoggle dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn.
Rating: D-. Well, there was at least a purpose so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though and the whole story really wasn’t the most entertaining. At the end of the day, this is a big comedy angle designed to get……actually I’m not sure who this is designed to get over. Not that it worked anyway but some clarification would be nice.
Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Hornswoggle’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.
Alfonso Soriano, a baseball player, is here.
We recap Shawn vs. Orton. Shawn had the title won in a previous match but Orton intentionally got himself disqualified and then punted Shawn to the shelf for a few months. Shawn admitted he wanted revenge but Vince banned the superkick for no apparent reason other than being evil.
Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton
Orton is defending, if Orton gets DQ’ed the title changes, Shawn can get no more shots if he loses, and if Shawn attempts to use the Superkick, he loses the match. Shawn almost immediately goes to the cravate and Orton spends nearly two minutes trying to fight out of it. Now that’s a (European) headlock. Orton escapes in the corner and Shawn raises his leg for the kick but the referee says that wasn’t an attempt. It’s going to be one of those referees I guess.
Orton drops down as Shawn runs the ropes so Shawn gets on Randy’s back and chokes away. The hold switches to a front facelock as they’re spending a lot of time in holds so far. Randy finally gets to the floor where Shawn fakes diving over the top so he can dropkick him through the ropes before faking ANOTHER dive and hitting an Asai moonsault in a good sequence. Back in and Orton rolls through a crossbody for two before hitting an uppercut to take over.
Shawn fights up and throws on the required Sharpshooter until Orton finally makes the rope. Orton comes back with a thumb to the eye and snaps Shawn across the top rope to take over. The Elevated DDT hits for two. It’s off to a chinlock by Orton as the hold marathon continues. It’s not boring or bad but it’s a very different way of going about a match.
Shawn fights back but walks into a dropkick for two. He catches another dropkick in mid air and slams Randy down a few times before hitting the top rope elbow for two. By instinct, Shawn tunes up the band but he fakes Orton out by making him duck and grabs a rollup for two. Brilliant psychology there.
In a move I was shocked to see at the time, Shawn puts on a Crossface. Remember that this is just five months after Benoit so that’s not a move you would have expected to see here. Orton finally gets a leg over the rope and Shawn looks spent from that not working. He tries the hold again but Randy clotheslines his head off for two. Orton hits the backbreaker and loads up the same Punt which kept Shawn out for five months.
Randy gets a running start but Shawn grabs an ankle lock with a grapevine to make Orton scream. Orton uses the good leg to kick Shawn away and break the hold. Why don’t more people do that to Angle? Michaels tries the Figure Four but Orton kicks him into the post. Shawn pulls up the foot for the kick but since he has to stop, Orton hits the RKO for the pin to retain the title.
Rating: B. I was digging the psychology here as Shawn had to come up with all kinds of ways to beat Orton instead of the superkick. It says a lot about Shawn that the only way they could have Orton be able to hang in a fight with him was to take away Shawn’s big move. Orton would hold the title for another five months or so until HHH (of course) took it away from him.
Orton demands that Shawn say Orton is the future but Shawn is pretty out of it. Not out of it enough though as there’s the superkick we were waiting on.
Cole is talking about the main event and SAVE US. For those of you unfamiliar, this was a series of videos that popped up at random on shows with what looked like the Matrix announcing that someone was coming to SAVE US. It would be revealed the next night that it was the return of Chris Jericho.
The Cell is lowered.
We recap Batista vs. Undertaker. Batista lost the belt to Undertaker at Wrestlemania and they feuded for the title on a few PPVs. After a cage match on Smackdown, Edge cashed in the MITB contract and won the title from Undertaker. Later, Edge was hurt and had to vacate the belt, which was won by Khali. Batista eventually beat Khali for the belt and Undertaker came back to challenge him for it.
They fought at Cyber Sunday with Batista winning, which made them 1-1 with a few draws. Undertaker wanted one more match and Batista was perfectly cool with that, but Undertaker wanted it in the Cell. See how that worked? It was a natural progression with the Cell being the FINAL match between them (one on one at least). That’s a logical progression that you rarely get anymore.
Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker
Batista is defending. Undertaker charges to start and is caught in a headlock before getting run over by Big Dave. Undertaker shrugs it off and tries an early chokeslam but Batista fights out of it. This is one of those feuds where you don’t bother with the basic stuff and go with the big power moves because that’s all that’s going to have any effect. Undertaker clotheslines him down and pounds away in the corner. We’re still in the early going here so this doesn’t mean a lot yet.
The Snake Eyes and big boot get two for Undertaker and it’s already chair time. Batista hits a BIG spear to take Undertaker down and gets the chair. That goes badly for the champ as Undertaker kicks the chair back into his face and gets two off a clothesline. They head outside and Undertaker keeps control with a solid shot into the steps. Batista gets raked against the Cell and there’s the legdrop on the apron.
To stay on the throat, Undertaker puts the chair over Batista’s throat and slams the bottom of the chair into the steps. The champ is bleeding from the mouth now. Back in and Undertaker covers by driving a forearm into the throat. Undertaker is kind of the heel in this match, which says A LOT about how over Batista was here. Back in, Undertaker loads up Old School but Batista catches him in the spinebuster in a cool counter.
They slug it out and Batista takes over with a clothesline that gets two. Batista hits a powerslam and takes it back to the floor. They’ve done a solid job here of having both guys dominate for a long stretch which usually works well for a big time match. Undertaker whips Batista into the Cell to take over again so maybe what I just said is nonsense. Batista gets rammed head first into the steel and things are starting to pick up.
A chair shot keeps Batista down and the champ is cut open on the forehead. Batista blocks Old School again and hits a superplex to put both guys down. As Batista is crawling over to him, the Dead Man tries the Hell’s Gate (triangle choke) but it’s not on full. Batista makes the rope and heads to the floor for a breather, setting up the Undertaker Dive over the top rope.
Undertaker picks up the steps and tries to ram Batista with them, but the champ pulls himself up using the cage and kicks them back into Undertaker’s face. Batista picks up the steps and just rams Undertaker in the head with them four or five times to draw blood. Back in and Batista does the stupid thing of punching Undertaker in the corner and gets a Last Ride for his efforts. That only gets two and the pop isn’t huge from the crowd. They know we’re getting A LOT of finishers before a pin here.
There’s a chokeslam but it only gets two. The Tombstone is countered into a spinebuster for two and there’s another spinebuster for good measure. It’s table time and Batista easily powerbombs him through it….for two. There’s the pop from the crowd on the kickout that we were looking for. Now the Animal loads up the steps but Undertaker backdrops him onto said steps for two. The Tombstone hits….for two again, making Batista one of a handful of people to survive the Last Ride, Tombstone and a chokeslam.
Undertaker KILLS Batista with a Tombstone on the steps but someone pulls the referee out of the ring at two. It’s the returning Edge, who I presume was hiding under the ring the whole time. He steals a camera and clocks Undertaker with it before hitting a Conchairto on the steps. Batista has no idea this is going on after the Tombstone. Edge pulls the champ on top and the pin is pretty much academic.
Rating: B+. This was very good but it never quite got to that level that they were hoping for it to I don’t think. The problem is this was match was based on respect instead of hatred which takes a lot out of a match like this. Edge would win the title in a triple threat next month and eventually lose it to Undertaker at Wrestlemania.
After the Cell is raised, Edge beats on Undertaker some more to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. This was a nice surprise. The Tag Team Title match is some uninspired stuff but other than that (ignoring the non-match between Khali and Hornswoggle) there’s nothing bad on here at all. The Divas match is what it is and if the worst thing I have to do is look at Kelly Kelly and Maria in barely there shorts for five minutes, I’ve got a good show on my hands. The big matches delivered and the other matches aren’t bad so this is a solid show all around and worth checking out.
Ratings Comparison
CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz
Original: B-
Redo: C
Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla
Original: D
Redo: D
Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes
Original: D
Redo: C-
Team HHH vs. Team Umaga
Original: C-
Redo: B-
Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels
Original: D+
Redo: B
Batista vs. Undertaker
Original: A-
Redo: B+
Overall Rating
Original: B-
Redo: B
The main thing I’ve learned about myself from these redos is that I was a lot looser with my grades back then. The redo grades here are a lot more toned down and it’s a bit harder to please me now.
Monday Night Raw Date: May 6, 2002
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Maybe a new month will help things out a little bit. I know I say this every week but it almost can’t get worse than last week with Undertaker very slowly beating Hulk Hogan down because Hogan can barely move at this point in his career. The pay per view really can’t get here soon enough as I can’t imagine they’ll keep the title on Hogan any longer. Let’s get to it.
Oh and as of today: it’s WWE. I’ll put the over/under on mentions of the new name at 5000.
We open with…..gardening? An older woman chops up her bushes to get them into a perfect WWE logo, which she then lights on fire. The new tagline: Get the F Out. I actually like that as it gets straight to the point.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz
Jazz is defending, there are no disqualifications and Steven Richards is in the champ’s corner. The fans want puppies as Jazz sends Trish into the corner to start, only to miss a splash. Richards offers a distraction though and Trish’s rollup goes nowhere. JR says this is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Women’s Title and I think we’re all glad that name didn’t last.
Jazz throws her around with some butterfly suplexes for two, followed by the double chickenwing facebuster to send Lawler into hysterics. A Chick Kick and Stratusfaction has the champ beaten but Richards makes another save by superkicking Trish down to give Jazz the pin.
Rating: D. Was there a point to this that I don’t get? The No DQ stuff could have been forgotten with a simple referee distraction but to be fair I’d probably call that stupid. It might be easier to just have them do a regular match and scrap Richards as a whole but then we couldn’t do the following.
Bubba Ray Dudley with a Bubba Bomb, Raven with the Raven Effect, Justin Credible with a superkick, Crash Holly with a missile dropkick, Bubba with a trashcan shot and Trish stealing the title and a blinded Bubba (fire extinguisher) powerbombing Trish through a table so Richards can steal the pin gives us six Hardcore Title changes in about two minutes because old jokes are funnier when you do them for the third time in less than two months. Bubba takes Trish to the back because that makes up for powerbombing her through a table.
Here’s the NWO for a chat due to reasons of WE’RE TELLING YOU THEY WERE A GOOD IDEA AND YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT! Show lets us see him turning heel and joining the team in a big moment. Two years ago, he was in the main event of Wrestlemania while Austin was hurt. Now it’s 2002 and he spent Wrestlemania in a restaurant pretending to have a good time instead of being on the show. Last month he was in a preliminary match on Heat while Austin had a #1 contenders match. Show is a monster that no one can stop and now the NWO is even bigger.
This brings out Ric Flair to say he wishes he could have Big Show’s natural gifts but he’s a sixteen time World Champion because he didn’t whine and cry. It’s really more about when Flair didn’t cry but we’re not quite to that point yet. Flair tells Show to deal with it and announces the NWO vs. Bradshaw/Austin/Flair, which he already announced last week. Hall promises a history changing announcement for later tonight.
European Title: William Regal vs. Spike Dudley
Spike is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle due to Regal attacking him over the weekend. He’s ready to fight anyway and jumps on Regal’s back, earning himself a stomp to the foot and a slam onto the ropes. A simple leglock makes Spike tap in about 35 seconds. That would be two title changes in 40 seconds combined for this belt.
Regal beats Spike up even more after the match. D’Lo Brown of all people comes out for the save.
Flair rants to Arn Anderson in a nothing segment.
Booker T. goes to 7-11 for a Slurpee and is annoyed that there’s no Booker T. cup. He runs into Goldust in a Latrell Spreewell jersey with headphones around his neck. Goldust has followed him from his hotel (Booker: “YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME???”) and wants to talk strategy for their match tonight. Booker seems to agree but has to go. Goldust: “If you’ll let me have a drink of your Slurpee, I’ll let you have a bite of my weiner.” Booker responds as you would expect anyone to if he’s offered a bite of a hot dog. Funny stuff as always.
We look at Planet Stasiak costing Brock Lesnar and himself a tag match at Insurrextion over the weekend.
Flair finds an APA hat in the NWO dressing room. Bradshaw doesn’t seem like one to just leave his hat laying around.
Undertaker arrives and assigns someone to watch his bike.
The NWO is standing near the entrance, seemingly waiting on somebody.
Planet Stasiak vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock fires off the shoulders in the corner to start as we get the GOLDBERG chants. The spinebuster looks to finish but Heyman wants an example made. An F5 and a boot on the chest is enough for the easy pin. Another squash.
Hulk Hogan has stolen Undertaker’s motorcycle because Undertaker left the keys in the ignition.
GET THE F OUT! It’s the same thing as earlier as the company is still WWE about an hour later.
Here’s Hogan on the motorcycle to Undertaker’s music. I really could have gone my whole life without seeing Hulk Hogan coming out to Limp Bizkit. Hulk gets right to the point by calling Undertaker out for a fight and threatening his motorcycle to sweeten the pot a bit. Undertaker comes out and tells Hogan not to mess with the bike. Hogan isn’t impressed and swears a bit before turning the bike on. It moves a whole three feet before the engine stalls, leaving Undertaker to…..stand right there and not do a thing.
Hogan finally leaves the bike on the ramp and runs (work with me here) after Undertaker as we cut to the commentators. You can hear the engine revving as Hogan is apparently still out there trying to get the thing to work. Well done by JR and King to not die of laughter here. The chase is FINALLY on with Hogan driving the bike around backstage (had to do it as the pre-tape shows him on the bike backstage). He changes pace a bit by driving around even more, all while shouting for Undertaker.
Hogan eventually parks it in front of a semi truck and gets inside as we go to a break. Back with Hogan crushing the bike. You know, a month and a half ago he used a similar truck to crush an ambulance with Rock inside so this is real progress for him. This was WAY too long and I’m amazed that both guys didn’t just walk off the show when the bike stalled. What a sign indeed.
Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy vs. Booker T./Eddie Guerrero
Van Dam and Guerrero hit the mat to start with Rob monkey flipping him down but missing a kick to the face. Instead a faceplant out of an electric chair sends Eddie crawling over to the corner for the tag to Booker. More kicks have Mr. T. in trouble and it’s off to Jeff as things speed up again.
Booker finally gets in a shot on Hardy and it’s time for a face to be in peril. An elbow to the jaw sets up the Spinarooni for two (Lawler: “Dagnabbit.”) but Jeff comes back with a dropkick (totally missed) and the real hot tag brings in Van Dam. Everything breaks down again and Rolling Thunder gets two on Eddie. Cue Goldust for a failed distraction so a Swanton from Jeff and the Five Star from Rob can put Eddie away.
Rating: C+. These guys are becoming the lone bright spots on this show and it’s a bit disappointing to have them all in the same match. At least it was one of the better segments so far this week with a good looking ending. You certainly can’t fault Eddie for losing when he takes back to back finishers so he was even a bit protected in the loss.
Terri has challenged Molly to a swimsuit contest later tonight with a contest between pure and wholesome or what’s under her robe.
Flair and Anderson think Bradshaw has joined the NWO, guaranteeing that he hasn’t.
It’s time for the swimsuit contest and of course Lawler is in charge. Terri comes out and Lawler is praying for a thong. Molly brings a pair of flippers for more proper swimming attire (JR: “The Hilary Clinton of the WWF.”). Molly decides she’s going first and, after putting on her swimming cap, reveals a conservative one piece with a skirt. It looks like a figure skating costume, meaning it looks like what a lot of run of the mill women would wear to a pool every day.
Naturally Lawler and the crowd think it’s horrible and treat Molly like she’s wearing a full body suit with only her ankles showing. Terri reveals exactly what you would expect and wins because fans go for the orange skin with countable ribs look. Molly lays her out with a flipper in the only heelish thing she’s done in the entire segment.
Flair goes to Bradshaw’s locker room (Bradshaw has his own locker room?) and finds Kane’s mask, which X-Pac stole weeks ago.
After a break, Flair runs into Bradshaw and demands an explanation. Bradshaw says he’ll see Flair in the ring.
Undertaker finds his bike. Where in the world has he been for the last half hour? He tries to pull the bike out from under the truck and then stomps on the bike, likely thinking that floating out of the top of a casket after cutting a promo to a camera hanging from the lid wasn’t so bad after all. Undertaker leaves and Kevin Nash arrives for the surprise.
NWO vs. Ric Flair/Bradshaw/Steve Austin
Austin and X-Pac start and it’s a spinebuster each for X-Pac and Hall. Steve cleans house with right hands but can’t get a Stunner on Hall. Instead it’s off to the Big Show for some choking in the corner and a backdrop that sends Austin flying. You don’t see Austin in the air that often. Bradshaw tags himself in for the fall away slam on Hall as JR thinks there’s only one Kane mask in existence. You know, because they’re not sold at the merchandise stands.
Show comes back in and throws Bradshaw around “like a double cheeseburger.” Who throws double cheeseburgers around? I’ve never been to Oklahoma but are things really that different there? The bloody (thanks to some Big Show headbutts) Bradshaw is beaten down by all three NWOites with Show headbutting him into the bad corner. A big boot finally drops X-Pac and it’s Flair coming in with the chops.
Everything breaks down and Bradshaw’s Clotheslines lays out X-Pac but Big Show pulls him outside for a chokeslam through the announcers’ table. Austin finally goes after Show (which is the point of this whole thing) but has to Stun Hall and X-Pac at the same time. Some Big Show chops have Austin in trouble and he falls out to the floor. Austin actually goes aerial again with a middle rope Thesz press to put Show down but the Stunner is easily blocked and we get a ref bump.
A low blow sets up the Stunner but there’s no referee. Of course there isn’t because this hasn’t gone on long enough. Flair hits Austin with a chair to go full heel and destroys the knee to make things even worse. With Austin down, Flair makes himself and Big Show vs. Austin at the pay per view. Ric grabs a Figure Four as the match is a no contest.
Rating: D-. The length here is the big problem as this went on for over fifteen minutes and set up the most obvious ending they could have gone with after eliminating every other possible option. Taking out the fact that Nash was just a decoy and what else could it have been other than Flair turning heel? It makes sense, but it was really tiresome having to sit through the APA hat/Kane mask stuff earlier. Just WAY too long here though and it really dragged things down even further than they were before.
Overall Rating: F+. Raw is now beyond free fall and has hit the ground, exploding on impact. Other than the same four midcard guys having their regularly good matches (less than six minutes this week), I can’t think of a single thing on this show that isn’t either too short, boring, offensive or the pit of torture that is the main event.
Raw has had six shows since the Brand Split. Here are the main event matches/segments which go along with Hogan/HHH as World Champion:
Kane vs. X-Pac/Austin contract signing
Austin vs. Hall
Austin/Bradshaw vs. NWO/Undertaker
Austin/Big Show vs. NWO
Hogan vs. Regal/Undertaker beats Hogan down
Austin/Bradshaw/Flair vs. NWO
Here’s the thing: other than two major pops for Hogan, is there any reason that Austin isn’t in Hogan’s spot? Hogan has a long history with Hall, Nash and Flair while Austin has a long history with HHH and Undertaker. Much more importantly though, Austin may be a shell of his glory days but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan at this point. Hogan’s matches so far have been embarrassing while you could at least pencil in Austin for watchable at worst. Couple that with swapping the NWO out for ANYTHING else and this show is instantly better.
Raw is a disaster right now with two major angles being huge wastes of everyone’s time and it’s turned into one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a long time. I know people would get sick of the upcoming HHH and Shawn Michaels dominance but it puts this nonsense to shame. At least you could get a decent main event, which we haven’t gotten so far in six weeks.
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Monday Night Raw Date: April 29, 2002
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
The question at this point is how bad can things get. The wrestling has been horrible but the stories have been some of the worst of all time with uninspired main eventers who look like they’re about to collapse from old age. Maybe things can start to pick up soon because it can’t get much worse. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Tonight: Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal. That’s one of those matches you never expect to see as Hogan almost never worked against anyone other than a main eventer.
Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Jeff Hardy
Eddie is defending and we hear about Lita breaking her neck in three places on the set of Dark Angel, which would keep her out of the ring for over a year. They start fast with Jeff grabbing an armdrag and his swinging sleeper drop for two. A quick trip to the floor lets the champ get his head together and it’s time to chop away in the corner. Eddie’s belly to back suplex looks to set up the slingshot hilo but Jeff is too annoyed at losing his bandana and rolls away.
Jeff scores with a superplex and starts hammering away in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Jeff gets crotched. JR: “That can’t feel good unless you’re wearing a couple of cups.” I think he means it makes it hurt less but JR often gets lost in his own talking. The Whisper in the Wind takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Eddie to get in a belt shot. The Frog Splash retains the title.
Rating: C+. Pretty good here but you could see that Jeff’s head wasn’t in it at this point. He was just doing his normal stuff and going through the motions while Eddie was doing whatever he could to keep the match together. The early days of his singles run weren’t great but when Jeff’s head was on straight, you can’t deny that the talent was there.
Recap of Austin vs. Flair and Big Show joining the NWO.
Austin arrives and asks where that lying no good SOB is. Production worker: “Mr. McMahon isn’t here tonight.” Austin: “I don’t mean that one!”
Here’s Austin in the ring to call out Flair. Austin starts drinking immediately and says he has a story for us. After some Beverly Hillbillies discussion to start the WHAT chants, Austin goes through the same stuff we just saw a video on a few minutes earlier. The WHAT chants keep going until Austin says he wants Big Show but calls Flair out right now.
Flair comes to the stage and says he had nothing to do with what happened last week (which gets a mini recap because we need to fill in time). Ric apologizes and says Big Show is in India tonight so we’ll get Austin/Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall/X-Pac with Flair as guest referee. The fans get where this is going immediately and seem interested, which is understandable as the promo was good but this is still leading to Austin/Bradshaw vs. the NWO. Austin promises violence if Flair tries anything.
That’s where this whole story falls apart: for reasons that aren’t clear, Austin is teaming up with Bradshaw to fight a bunch of washed up guys who are basically only there because WWE doesn’t want to admit that they were stupid hires. Of all the people on the roster, they picked Austin to fill this role? The company is DYING for star power right now and they’re using the biggest star of all time in this role? Is it any wonder why Austin was miserable around this time? It doesn’t fit and I don’t think anyone bought it in any form.
Booker T. is getting ready for his match when Goldust comes in. They won’t be teaming together tonight and Goldust feels like the loneliest person since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Goldust puts the blonde wig on Booker for luck. Booker: “If Big Bird and Spider-Man ever got busy, you would be the illegitimate lesbian.” I have no idea what that means but the delivery was more than funny enough to make it work.
Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam
Booker starts with some chops to the chest but gets kicked down for two. A quick powerbomb puts Rob in more trouble and it’s off to a chinlock. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder but here’s Goldust to watch. Goldust gets on the apron for no reason other than to get us to the finish, meaning a collision with Booker. The Five Star gives Rob the easy pin.
Rating: C. This was as good as you would expect Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam to be in about three minutes. See, that’s the thing: maybe they should let these two perfectly talented wrestlers go like, seven or eight minutes? Have we gotten a reason that can’t happen yet? Or maybe let one of them fight with/against Austin to make the main event a bit more interesting? Nah, let’s let them do three minute matches which do nothing for anyone.
Bradshaw says Big Show attacked him last week. Well duh.
Jazz is doing push-ups when Molly Holly comes up to ask if she’s crazy. Apparently Jazz is challenging Bubba Ray Dudley for the Hardcore Title. Jazz just walks away.
Planet Stasiak is ready for Brock Lesnar. His axis is a bit out of whack and Brock has a tattoo on his back but it pales in comparison to Planet Stasiak.
Brock Lesnar vs. Shawn Stasiak
Stasiak goes right after him to start and is promptly splattered with a spinebuster. Brock posts him a few times and an overhead belly to belly makes it even worse. The F5 and helicopter bomb put Shawn away in a hurry.
Flair asks Debra to put in the good word with Austin, earning himself a slap. I forgot how worthless Debra was around this time.
Undertaker interrupts Sgt. Slaughter’s phone call and wants him to deliver a message to Hulk Hogan: a call out is imminent. Didn’t we just do this SAME EXACT THING about forty five minutes ago?
NWO vs. Steve Austin/Bradshaw
Flair is guest referee. Bradshaw gets chopped in the corner to start so he comes right back with chops of his own. It’s off to Austin vs. Hall for the WHAT stomps and a clothesline for two. A hard whip sends X-Pac into the corner and it’s back to Bradshaw as this match is already dying just a few minutes in. X-Pac dropkicks the knee out and it’s time to start in on the leg.
Something like a powerbomb makes Bradshaw remember to sell the knee as the announcers debate how hard it is to be a referee. Austin gets the hot tag and the pop is so weak that I don’t even notice him coming in. That was STEVE AUSTIN getting such a weak pop. Everything breaks down and there’s the Stunner to X-Pac for the pin. X-Pac’s foot was on the ropes and Flair missed it again.
Rating: D-. This was sad. Like, actually sad. Somehow this feud has made the fans uninterested in seeing Steve Austin come into a match and clean house. If there is a single reason to have Austin wasted in this feud and not facing, I don’t know, HULK HOGAN FOR THE TITLE IN AN ACTUAL DREAM MATCH, I’ve yet to hear it. Yeah I know about both of them wanting to protect their legacies but either could be bought for a big enough check.
The NWO complains to Flair, who didn’t see the foot on the ropes again.
Here’s Undertaker to call Hogan out. He remembers Hogan’s first run (Wasn’t that the one with Showdown At Shea?) and the fans cheering for him over and over. None of that matters though because he beat Hogan back in the day. Now, if you listen to Hogan on the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, that’s the biggest sin in wrestling. You know, because you’re supposed to think Hogan won or something.
Undertaker takes credit for Hogan leaving the first time because Hogan was scared. Now he’s so scared that Undertaker will beat him again and it’s probably going to cost him the title to Chris Jericho on Smackdown. The crowd is just dying for this stuff and it’s getting worse with every word. Hogan comes out and doesn’t say anything as Undertaker keeps talking. Probably as bored as all of us are, Hogan punches Undertaker out to the floor to end this.
Hardcore Title: Jazz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
Bubba is defending and, in case you actually need this made clear, only his title is on the line. Before the match, Bubba basically says “yeah I’ll beat her up because that’s what I do to women.” Jazz is the heel in this if that wasn’t clear. Bubba puts her on the top rope and blows her a kiss. Then it’s time for dancing together, followed by Bubba dancing alone.
Jazz gets caught up in the fake test of strength so she kicks him low. Some weapon shots to the head have Bubba in trouble so he bites her below the belt. Bubba puts a trashcan over her head and does the Flip Flop and Fly, complete with the crotch thrusts. It’s table time but here’s Steven Richards with a guitar to knock Bubba out and steal the title.
Rating: F. So to recap: we had a bunch of dancing, a low blow, more dancing and then Steven Richards. So now we’re supposed to be all impressed with Jazz because we don’t need to actually give her a personality when we can have her kick men low. This was one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a long time (or maybe since two segments ago) and you have to imagine these things are going to keep happening over and over.
Richards and Jazz run off together. JR can’t believe this could happen because he doesn’t remember it happening five times this month alone. After a break, Jazz and Richards escape in a car.
Regal is watching Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling (I knew I liked him) and is surrounded by a bunch of Hogan merchandise. He really doesn’t understand this because it makes everyone look like a pillock. People should be praising him because he’s someone with class. He’s someone who speaks the Queen’s English. He’s someone who doesn’t end every sentence with the word BROTHER. “Gets on my bloody nerves.” Regal promises to use the power of the punch tonight.
Bradshaw and Austin are drinking beer when Flair comes in. The Texans still aren’t convinced Flair is honest so next week it’s the NWO vs. the three of them. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO KEEP GOING???
European Title: Goldust vs. Spike Dudley
Spike is defending. Goldust beats the champ into the corner to start and loads up Shattered Dreams. It’s fairly clear that he’s waiting around on something but nothing happens, so instead it’s time for more right hands. Another attempt at Shattered Dreams brings out Booker T. to attack, allowing the Dudley Dog to retain the title. Again: let this match go five minutes and maybe we can cut off some of the horrible stuff earlier in the show.
Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal
Non-title. Actually hang on because Regal would like to offer Hogan some tea. Hogan has a sip and spits it into Regal’s face to start the beating. Cue Undertaker as the match is thrown out before it starts.
Undertaker very slowly beats on Hogan who just lays around. Hogan is busted open as this just keeps going because Hogan couldn’t beat Regal up for a few minutes to cut down on some of this time. A chokeslam finally wraps this up to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Bring HHH back…..please. He might be a longer winded talker than most of the people here but at least you might be able to get an entertaining match out of him every now and then. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Austin is stuck in this AWFUL NWO story with freaking Bradshaw of all people because they need someone to put in there. I guess Booker T., Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam, Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley and William Regal are busy.
The first hour was much better with one of the longest matches on the show (less than seven minutes) between Hardy and Guerrero and Booker vs. Van Dam for all of three minutes but the focus shifted to the veterans and their stories to cripple the show for good. There are watchable elements on the show but they’re completely bogged down by the old guys who won’t go away. In other words, it’s Nitro.
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