Impact Wrestling – May 31, 2016: We Bathe In Matt’s Brilliance
Impact Wrestling Date: May 31, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We’re getting closer to Slammiversary and the card is set for the most part. After last wee’s Hardy centric episode, tonight is about the World Title as Lashley and Drew Galloway get to choose each other’s opponents in a Pick Your Poison series. Other than that it should be interesting to see what gets some focus heading into the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show, mainly focusing on Matt Hardy.
Dixie Carter is putting a mystery man in charge tonight.
Here are Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis (hokey smoke) to open things up. Mike knows that he’s not in charge because he didn’t hear from Dixie on AOL Instant Messenger or MySpace so he wants the boss to get out here right now. Of course it’s Ethan Carter III and Bennett freezes. Ethan thinks Mike should have the night off tonight and Bennett doesn’t seem to mind.
Actually what Ethan meant was a night off from wrestling because Mike will be cleaning the toilets all night. Maria freaks out but Ethan tells her to put a sock in it. Apparently she’s gotten on management’s nerves so tonight Ethan is reviewing her decisions to see if she’s fired. Bennett threatens violence but Ethan throws them out anyway. Now it’s time for Lashley, who teases a fight with Ethan but just wants to talk about Pick Your Poison with Drew Galloway. This brings out Galloway as we take a break.
We come back to see Ethan showing Mike the toilets he’s in charge of and apparently there’s quite the stench.
Back in the arena, Drew introduces Lashley’s opponent.
Bram vs. Lashley
Non-title. Bram hammers away to start but Lashley pounds him down and takes it to the floor with Bram being sent into the barricade. Lashley takes too much time messing with his headband though and Bram comes back with a few shots to the face. The Brighter Side of Suffering is broken up so Lashley catches him with a spinebuster. Some clotheslines look to set up the spear but instead Lashley heads outside for a chair and that’s a DQ at 6:19.
Rating: D+. This is a match that could have been something interesting but instead it’s a champion looking like a second rate loser. Bram is someone who could be an important talent going forward but why go with that when you can push someone else in his place? At least it wasn’t a clean pin though.
Post match Lashley spears Bram a few times until Galloway comes out for the save with a chair. Cue Eli Drake with his briefcase and you know what’s going on.
King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake
Bram is defending and kicks out at two at the bell. They slug it out in the corner until Drake hits a knee to the face and clothesline for the pin and the title at 1:01.
Raquel’s latest lesson to the BroMans is to focus, which in this case means watching her walk around the pool in a swimsuit.
Mike Bennett is still cleaning toilets when Earl Hebner walks out of a stall. After a bit of swearing, Bennett is now a referee.
Drake drinks champagne and abuses people backstage.
We go to the Hardy Family Estate where Matt has invited Jeff for the contract signing.
BroMans vs. Tyrus/Rockstar Spud
Bennett is referee and the winners here get a title shot at Slammiversary. Robbie punches Spud to start and it’s off to Tyrus without a tag but Bennett says it’s fine. Jesse gets beaten down by both villains as the announcers talk about how Tyrus and Spud have nothing to do without Matt Hardy being around. A Raquel distraction lets Jesse come in and beat up Spud, setting up the BroDown. The Adonis Lock makes Spud tap at 4:03.
Rating: D+. I can’t imagine they give the BroMans the titles at Slammiversary, even with the good looking manager. Tyrus and Spud being all depressed without Matt around is a really stupid story and doesn’t fit Tyrus whatsoever, but that’s never been a major issue for TNA so I doubt it’s going to change here.
Maria, in a different outfit, is on the phone with Billy Corgan about how Ethan is screwing this place up. Ethan comes up and hangs up the phone. They’re about to head to the ring where he’ll settle this whole ordeal between Gail and Maria.
Clip of Jeff Hardy driving his motorcycle to Matt’s estate.
Ethan is in the ring as Maria, Allie and Sienna come down. The other two (Girl A and Girl B according to Ethan) are asked to leave as Ethan brings Gail Kim down. The result is going to be a match between the two of them at Slammiversary, which is what Gail has wanted from the beginning. As for tonight though, Gail has a partner and since Maria has two women on her team, we’ll have a tag match right now.
Gail Kim/Jade vs. Sienna/Allie
Allie screeches a lot as Gail and Sienna slug it out to start. A shot from Allie lets Sienna take over as the screeching continues. Sienna and Allie hit a double slam on Gail for two before it’s off to Jade to kick Sienna down. A missile dropkick gets two on Sienna but Allie tags herself in and tries to talk her way out of getting beaten up. That earns her forearms and a kick to the head as Sienna comes back in, only to Eats Defeat, followed by Jade package piledriving Allie in the face for the pin at 5:17.
Rating: D. Allie’s screaming is a big detraction here but this continues the theme of “let’s have good looking women on the show.” I know the Knockouts are a big deal but tonight has been a lot more about making the women into eye candy, with Allie’s short skirt here being a prime example.
We go back to the estate where Matt is playing the piano when Jeff comes in. Matt talks about this place being their genesis and walks away.
Back in the arena, Bennett freaks out on Ethan because he’s not a janitor or a referee. Bennett: “And my wife isn’t a wrestler.” Ethan gives him a match tonight and hopefully his opponent is sober.
James Storm vs. Mike Bennett
Joined in progress with Bennett in street clothes and getting two off a clothesline. We’re already off to a chinlock for a bit before Storm makes his comeback with right hands and clotheslines. Storm hits the Eye of the Storm and looks to set up the Last Call but Maria distracts him with a beer. Somehow this works on a former World Champion and a slap to the face lets Bennett grab a rollup for the pin at 5:55.
Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and since there was no real reason for them to be fighting it was a pretty worthless six minutes. It also doesn’t help that a former World Champion is easily pinned by a slap and rollup but they had to come up with some way out of this for Bennett.
Post match Ethan says he’s coming for Bennett at Slammiversary.
Here’s Al Snow to a BORING chant to talk about how he’s looking for talent over in England. This brings out Baron Dax and Basile Baraka (Marcus Louis and Sylvester LeFort), now collectively known as the Tribunal. Both of them talk about how they’re bringing talent and class back to wrestling. Snow yells about wanting to get rid of weapons unlike Grado, who he beat with a single wrestling move last week.
We see him pinning Grado after a Snow Plow, but here are Grado and Mahabali Shera to show us the full footage, including Snow using a trashcan lid. Snow goes off about how kids these days can doctor footage on any computer. Somehow parents are brought into this and Snow says Shera’s mom loves him. The fight is on and Snow hits Grado and Shera with a chair so the beatdown can be on.
Braxton Sutter (Pepper Parks) talks about how most people get their big break earlier but the day he was offered a contract was one of the best days of his life. He doesn’t have a story of when he started watching wrestling because it’s always been there for him. His goal is to be World Heavyweight Champion and he’ll start anywhere. This was a serious speech but had some emotion to it in a nice moment.
We run down the pay per view card.
Back to the Hardy estate where Matt says this must all end where it began. Jeff follows him into a barn where there’s a ring set up. Josh says stay tuned to find out if the match was signed. I’m sure that’s why they just advertised it on the pay per view rundown.
Lashley comes out to announce Drew’s opponent.
Drew Galloway vs. Decay
As in all three members. Drew fights both men at the same time but can’t bring himself to punch Rosemary. That allows the numbers game to take over with Drew being sent to the floor for a big beatdown, including a whip head first into the post. Back inside and the guys take turns hitting Drew in the face until Galloway starts his comeback. Rosemary comes in and almost eats the Futureshock. The Claymore is caught in a chokeslam for two so it’s Janice time. Cue Lashley to spear Abyss by mistake, allowing Galloway to Claymore and Futureshock Steve for the pin at 6:21.
Rating: D+. So Decay is off TV for weeks and then comes back to get beaten in a handicap match? No it wasn’t clean but you couldn’t drag out any two heels for this to work? Or have Lashley knock/choke Drew out for the pin? No apparently the best they have is Drew going over all of them at once because that’s how TNA thinks.
Enough of the World Title though as it’s time to go back to the Hardys. Matt says this must end where it all began, which apparently is the ring in the barn. Jeff goes to get in but Matt rolls outside to a small table. Jeff wants this to end but here’s Reby to throw a fake baby at him. Matt hits Jeff with something made of glass and gives him a Side Effect (IN FREAKING SLOW MOTION) through the table. Matt promises that this will end at Slammiversary.
Overall Rating: D. While still not good, this was WAY better than last week as they actually didn’t focus on just Matt vs. Jeff. This week it was about all three big stories but unfortunately we now have to sit around and watch Matt praise his own brilliance or whatever it is that he’s doing now because no one in TNA will ever tell him no. The rest of the show was more watchable due to more wrestling and less stupid talking but it still was a pretty boring show as TNA runs through what could have been weeks of stories in a night because they don’t have the roster to make anything else work.
Results
Bram b. Lashley via DQ when Lashley used a chair
Eli Drake b. Bram – Clothesline
BroMans b. Rockstar Spud/Tyrus – Adonis Lock to Spud
Gail Kim/Jade b. Sienna/Allie – Package piledriver to Allie
Mike Bennett b. James Storm – Rollup
Drew Galloway b. Decay – Futureshock to Steve
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Impact Wrestling Date: May 24, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s a big show tonight with May Mayhem, meaning things are a bit more violent than the regular shows. As you might guess, this is a show that was announced a week ago with almost no other build. The big match tonight is Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III as Carter tries to get his rematch with Mike Bennett. Let’s get to it.
The opening video focuses on everything we’re getting to see tonight.
Here’s Matt Hardy for a chat before his match with Ethan. Matt now has half black and half white hair (divided down the middle) which looks like Bozo the Clown’s. Before the match Matt talks about how he has evolved into something more dangerous. He sees this match as nothing more than a warmup for his match with Jeff at Slammiversary.
With something like a weak British accent, Matt says he has a contract for the match with his brother Nero, which brings out Rockstar Spud and Tyrus. Spud says he’s dedicated his life to Matt Hardy. Matt: “As you should.” That accent is REALLY weird and comes off like Matt trying to be all intelligent and brilliant and it’s really just creepy.
Spud blames the fans for this going too far but Tyrus really doesn’t care. Matt says it’s ok to say he looks like a psychotic lunatic. He has a deal for Nero tonight: if Nero can beat Spud and Tyrus in a ladder match, there will be a match between the brothers at Slammiversary. If Jeff loses though, there’s no match. Also if Jeff wins, Spud and Tyrus are done associating with Matt. This felt like someone shouting LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME and trying to be all interesting but coming off as a guy who is more sad than anything else. As usual, Matt is in over his head and is nowhere near as brilliant as he thinks he is.
Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy
Matt pounds away in the corner as we hear about how amazing a transformation he’s undergone to become this lunatic. Carter charges into a boot to the face and gets elbowed in the jaw to keep him down. A bulldog out of the corner gets two for Matt and he whips Carter into the corner.
The slow pace continues with a legdrop until Carter comes back with a jawbreaker, only to miss a splash in the corner. Here’s Mike Bennett to watch as Matt gets two off a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate is countered into a cobra clutch but Bennett comes in for the DQ at 6:40. The stipulation said that Carter had to win by pin/submission to get his shot so Ethan gets nothing.
Rating: D+. Can we take up a collection to get rid of Matt Hardy? Like, how much would it cost for us to never have to sit through one of his speeches or matches again? His character is confusing/stupid, his promos are annoying, he gets WAY too much TV time and his matches aren’t even good. What are he and Jeff going to do at Slammiversary? Jump off something really high like they’ve done for nearly twenty years? I’m sure TNA fans will call it brilliant but this is moving into Hogan/Flair levels of sad.
Mike lays Carter out post match and says that he has failed. There will be no rematch at Slammiversary.
Post break Bennett says what he just did was art and you don’t have to explain art. A few weeks ago he had a vision for EC3’s Road to Redemption. Well now Ethan has failed because he didn’t get the job done, meaning no match at Slammiversary. This was just repeating what was said earlier.
Here’s Allie to introduce Maria for a speech. Maria talks about how she’s taking over the new future for the Knockouts and Velvet Sky is part of the past. This brings out Gail Kim, who says Maria manipulated her way to the top of the division. They argue over Velvet being fired with Maria saying she put on her boots just like Gail told her to and she attained power. Gail offers to beat her up right now but Maria threatens to have her fired. This results in Gail being put in a match with her career on the line, which brings in Sienna for a cheap shot from behind. Who is actually begging to see Gail vs. Maria in a straight match?
Grado promises Mahabali Shera that he’ll take care of Al Snow tonight. Grado has a chain wrapped around his fist while Shera eats what looks like a drumstick.
The BroMans call each other from about a foot away. Robbie thinks they need to move up a few levels while Jesse keeps stopping to talk to people. Apparently Robbie has found them a guru to take it to another level. A woman comes up to point out that they’re right next to each other and Robbie blames Jesse for not paying attention.
Gail rants about how angry she is.
We recap Al Snow vs. Grado in your standard “I’m old and grizzled and you’re not serious enough” feud. Snow claims to be a pure athlete and keeps cheating to win matches.
Al Snow vs. Grado
Street fight. Before the match, Snow asks if the fans want violence, chairs and tables. Well even if they do, they’re not going to get it because he’s a wrestler. Snow: “I’m your mom’s favorite wrestler!” Naturally he hides behind the set and jumps Grado from behind to start things off. The bell hasn’t rung yet as Snow slams Grado’s hand into the steps. They head inside for the bell with Snow slamming him down but missing the moonsault.
Snow’s powder is thrown back into his face as Shera brings in a trashcan full of weapons. Grado spanks him with a cookie sheet and it’s time for the drumstick (as in a bone with meat on it) for a low blow. A chain punch hits Grado in the jaw but here are two newcomers (NXT’s Marcus Louis and Sylvester LeFort) to pull the referee out. The distraction lets Snow hit the Snow Plow for the pin at 3:39.
Rating: D-. Yes this is continuing and Snow is going to have a stable. This really does feel like it’s 1999 but for some reason we’re getting an Al Snow win instead of any…..you know what? I don’t care. We’re reaching the point with TNA where I can’t even get mad about it anymore. This is what we’re stuck with because of all the people they have on their roster, it’s best to have Al Snow do this instead of ANYONE else.
I’m so sorry that TNA has no money because no one watches their shows and they’re stuck on a third rate network with no audience but it’s the kind of nonsense like pushing Matt Hardy as some psycho genius for the “real” main event of Slammiversary against his brother because Darlin Dixie is too thickheaded to realize that this nonsense doesn’t draw a thing anymore. This match and this show are such a waste of time anymore and they have no one to blame but themselves.
Matt Hardy (of course) is sitting in the dark when Reby comes in to ask what’s wrong. We get another monologue about how Matt needs to get rid of Nero for his life to continue. Reby talks about how he’s alienating everyone but Matt doesn’t care because it’s all about Nero.
Jeremy Borash is in the ring to talk about the end of last week’s show when Lashley interrupts. Lashley rants about how many fights he’s had without twenty idiots interrupting but here’s Drew Galloway to cut him off. Drew says Lashley can lay claim to being the only real fighter on the roster but he’ll stick to the title of World Heavyweight Champion. Last week he saw fear in Lashley’s eyes but Lashley doesn’t want to hear it.
Drew comes to the ring for a fight but Dixie Carter comes out to say this is ridiculous. Yeah we need to cut out this action on a wrestling show. I for one would love another Matt Hardy monologue right about now. Dixie makes the rematch for Slammiversary with only submissions or knockouts for the win. If I’m Drew, I’d be rather ticked off by that but of course he’s fine with everything.
Lashley calls him out and the fight is on again with Drew hitting a Claymore and pounding away. Security’s intervention only slows Drew down, allowing Lashley to get in a spear and hammer away. A referee gets speared and Lashley chokes Drew out with a belt. Lashley isn’t done yet and takes off his shirt but does nothing.
X-Division Title: Andrew Everett vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ vs. Trevor Lee
Lee is defending and this is Ultimate X with the belt hung at the intersection of two cables. The first person to climb up and pull it down is champion. We come back from a break after Eddie’s entrance with the rest of the entrances because we haven’t wasted enough time on this show yet. Shane helms is out with Lee and Everett, who are introduced as a team. Eddie dives over the top to take out Everett before the bell rings.
It’s a huge brawl to start of course until Everett dropkicks everyone down and goes for the belt, only to have Lee pull him down and swear a bit. Helms tells his boys to calm down and Everett lets Lee get on his shoulders to help him get tot he belt. Eddie and DJZ come in for the save (why this isn’t a tag match and non-title is beyond me) with DJZ elbowing both heels in the jaw.
Edwards hurricanranas both of them down at the same time but Lee knees him in the face. DJZ pops up and rolls forward into a DDT on Trevor to knock the champ silly. Eddie goes up and pulls down the title, only to have Shane distract the referee so Trevor can steal the belt to retain at 5:59.
Rating: D. I mean, why wait and have the big gimmick match at Slammiversary when you can have it here in a nothing match that doesn’t even last six minutes and somehow includes a false finish? It’s nice of them to throw a bone to the X-Division but the title is still having the same issues that everything else does: not enough focus because other big stories get the time, stories that just keep going because there’s nothing else going on, and of course and older guy who is treated as being above the current stars.
Maria has chosen Sienna to take out Gail Kim by ripping out her heart.
Ethan talks about playing rigged games all his life. There is no honor in what Bennett did but the rematch is going to happen no matter what. Ethan is about to make a phone call he’s going to regret. Bennett was comparing himself to artists but those people had a life’s work. After Ethan is done, Mike isn’t even going to have a life. As usual, really good stuff here from Ethan as he kept it simple and responded to everything Mike said while advancing the story.
Sienna vs. Gail Kim
Allie and Maria are at ringside and Gail’s career is on the line. Sienna jumps Gail from behind but gets knocked away, allowing Gail to hit a quick high cross body for two. A hurricanrana takes both of them outside but Maria helps Sienna up, allowing her to send Gail into the barricade. Back in and a Samoan drop gets two for Sienna but Gail comes back with a reverse DDT. Maria shoves Gail off the ropes, only to have her reverse the spinning faceplant into a sunset flip to pin Sienna at 4:13.
Rating: C-. That’s about as good as a four minute match with two people interfering is going to get. I know the end game of this is Gail vs. Maria but how is that going to be anything other than a squash or Gail having to slow things WAY down to make the match work? The story makes sense here but it’s asking us to be interested in Gail Kim which just isn’t going to happen.
Sienna drops Gail post match and Maria pounds away.
Rockstar Spud begs Tyrus to win tonight for Matt’s sake. Reby comes in and says do it for her sake because Matt is insane over this Jeff stuff. Spud says having Matt back to normal is worth anything.
The BroMans go to meet their guru and it’s….actually a woman, who has purple hair and is in great shape. Her name is Raquel (Gabi from last year’s Tough Enough) and apparently she’s the guru they’ve been looking for. After a hard workout, she says she’ll see them in the pool.
Lashley and Drew Galloway will pick each other’s opponents next week.
Rockstar Spud/Tyrus vs. Jeff Hardy
Ladder match. If Jeff wins, he faces Matt at Slammiversary in a Full Metal Mayhem match and Spud/Tyrus are done associating with Matt. If Jeff loses, there’s no match and Matt is happy anyway. Jeff hands out what looks like CDs during his entrance, which is actually not a horrible idea. Spud jumps Jeff before the bell (because we haven’t seen that tonight) but Tyrus posts himself and gets a chair thrown at his back. Jeff throws in a ladder and we go to a break without the match actually starting.
The match is joined in progress with Tyrus pulling a ladder to send Jeff throat first into the ropes. A legdrop between Jeff’s legs should allow Tyrus to just sit on him so Spud can climb but instead Tyrus picks him up. Spud drops a top rope elbow and goes to get a ladder as Tyrus lifts Jeff up again.
Tyrus splashes Spud by mistake but Jeff can’t follow up. Spud is sent out to the floor and Tyrus tries to climb, only to be too heavy and break the rungs. Jeff laughs at him as Spud comes back in, only to have Tyrus get knocked outside. Spud goes up but gets caught in a Twist of Fate onto the top of the ladder, allowing Jeff to pull down the contract at 5:10.
Rating: F. A five minute ladder match with Tyrus being entirely stupid (just sit on him man) and an obvious ending.
Overall Rating: D-. If Slammiversary isn’t an upgrade (read as the Hardys don’t main event for one thing), I’m taking a break from this company. I’ve sat through years of this place’s nonsense but it’s never been so much of an effort to stick with them. This company has just never learned and it’s the same problem time after time: too much of a focus on stories with only short term value and far less importance being placed on things that could help them.
In other words, I’ve had it with Matt vs. Jeff. This feud has gone on forever (dating back to their WWE days) and TNA doesn’t understand that there is nothing to gain from these two fighting each other. They’ve taken over the show and pushed things like the World Title and the legitimately great Carter vs. Bennett feud (one of the only reasons I’m sticking around) so Matt can be a crazy genius or whatever moniker he’s giving himself this week.
TNA is never going to get entirely better but the least I can ask is for them to be watchable. I’ve given TNA my patience, my time and my money but I’ve had enough. This show had less than twenty six minutes of wrestling in two hours and nearly twelve of those were Matt and Jeff matches. If that’s what TNA cares about, I’m not going to be around to watch them screw this place up even more. I’m not flat out quitting but if Slammiversary isn’t at least a decent show (and I’ll be flexible with that), I’m done.
Results
Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy via DQ when Mike Bennett interfered
Al Snow b. Grado – Snow Plow
Trevor Lee b. Eddie Edwards, Andrew Everett and DJZ – Lee pulled down the title
Gail Kim b. Sienna – Sunset flip
Jeff Hardy b. Tyrus/Rockstar Spud – Jeff pulled down the contract
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
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Impact Wrestling – May 17, 2016: It’s A Hardy Thing
Impact Wrestling Date: May 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’re getting closer to Slammiversary and one of the big questions coming out of last week is who is behind the Willow mask. Someone attacked Jeff Hardy last week while dressed as Jeff’s old alter ego in an attempt to take him out for good. Presumably this is the same person who sent Decay after Jeff two weeks ago. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Lashley attacking Drew Galloway a few weeks back. They fight for the World Title tonight but a fight broke out in the empty arena as they arrived earlier.
Here’s Willow to get things going. Josh: “The creation of the imagination of the mind of Jeff Hardy.” After the announcers talk about how Willow has come to life, he cackles about how he’s finally free. Cue Jeff Hardy to ask if Willow loves or hates before hammering away on him.
Jeff Hardy vs. Willow
Some right hands stagger Willow but he comes back with a Twist of Hate. The Twist of Fate puts Willow away at 39 seconds.
Jeff goes for the mask but here’s a bigger (though only average size) Willow to attack Jeff with the umbrella. A third Willow, clearly bigger than the other two, comes down the ramp to say something about giving Jeff his worst nightmare (the audio was very hard to understand).
Post break, Willow takes his mask off to reveal Matt Hardy. Matt talks about how Nero (Jeff’s middle name) got over because of Matt’s genius. A few weeks back, Jeff didn’t finish the job when he took Matt out so now it’s time to put Matt through his own personal nightmare. Matt chokes him out again and we’re finally done. If Matt being Willow surprised you in any way, shape or form, you haven’t been paying attention.
Velvet Sky is in the back where she was supposed to meet Maria. Instead there’s a newcomer named Allie, who is Maria’s bubbly new personal assistant (played by indy wrestler Cherry Bomb). Apparently Velvet is facing Sienna tonight and if she loses she’s fired.
Dixie Carter makes the World Title match a lumberjack match.
Velvet Sky vs. Sienna
Sienna rolls her up for a quick near fall before beating her into the corner. Velvet gets the same result off the same move before a running neckbreaker gives her another near fall. Not that it matters as Sienna puts Velvet on her shoulders for the spinning faceplant and the pin at 3:22.
Rating: D. Well uh, see you Velvet. That was quite the unceremonial ending to her TNA run as this was nothing more than a squash. Sienna is a good monster heel for Maria to hide behind and we’ve already gotten to the point of her character, which is about as simple of an idea as it needs to be. Nothing match here.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis are sitting by their pool with Maria getting up and diving in for a swim. After the very gratuitous shots of her, she sits back down with Mike talking about how he wants to be the best of all time in TNA. Maria is going to get some sun and then they’re going to head to the Impact Zone.
Here are Mike and Maria in the ring for a chat. Mike talks about how Ethan Carter III needs his road to redemption and if he loses once, there’s no rematch. Tonight, Ethan has an opponent who has been around the world and is very well known for his black and white. Therefore, get out here EARL HEBNER! Earl comes out and Mike wants to fight him tonight, Hall of Famer vs. future Hall of Famer. Another referee comes out and Mike begs Earl to fight him, eventually getting himself a punch to the face. The bell rings.
Mike Bennett vs. Earl Hebner
One punch drops Earl and Mike takes his shirt off…..for a two count. Yes Earl actually kicked out and for some reason it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen on TNA in months. Earl hits the worst low blow in years but Maria goes after him. Earl actually takes his shirt off, earning himself a boot to the face for the pin at 1:49. I really shouldn’t be laughing at this but it was HILARIOUS.
Post match Ethan Carter III runs out for the save but Mike has an opponent for him. That would be Tyrus, who attacks Ethan from behind, kicking off a last man standing match.
Ethan Carter III vs. Tyrus
Last man standing and joined in progress with Tyrus holding a nerve hold. Tyrus goes outside to get a chair but makes the mistake of wedging it in the corner, which means he goes head first into it instead. A trio of Stinger Splashes in the corner don’t do much damage to Tyrus so Ethan avoids a splash in the corner, setting up a high cross body. Carter hits him in the back with a chair for a nine so it’s time to set up two chairs.
Tyrus suplexes him through them for a close call and it’s table time. Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb and only hits table but still gets up. Ethan grabs a chair but gets sent flying off a suplex. A spike to the neck sends Carter to the floor for an eight and a Big Ending on the ramp gets nine. With nothing else working, Ethan grabs a piece of the barricade but Carter elbows him in the head and drops Tyrus onto the barricade. Ethan puts the steps on him and then beats the steps with a chair for the win at 10:48.
Rating: B-. This was more entertaining than I was expecting as they didn’t bother wasting time with wrestling and just started beating on each other with metal objects. Carter winning was the obvious way to go but hopefully this ends things with him and Tyrus. I know there’s some value in Tyrus as a heavy but he’s really not working as a wrestler, which to be fair is almost always the case with him.
Mike Bennett comes out and looks at Ethan.
Lashley training video.
Jeff Hardy says Matt took his own creation and promises to finish this at Slammiversary.
Eddie Edwards/DJZ vs. Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee
It’s all over the place to start until we settle down to DJZ sending Everett into the corner. A chase on the floor ends with Lee kicking DJZ in the face to take over with a near fall inside. It’s off to Edwards as things break down with Eddie’s Backpack Stunner getting two on Everett. Andrew’s moonsault hits a raised boot and Eddie takes the champ down on the floor, leaving DJZ to hit a jumping DDT for the pin on Everett at 5:13.
Rating: C. The match was fine, albeit completely meaningless. That’s the problem with this division: it’s here one week and then back a few weeks later with one vague story of Helms creating a stable and Edwards fighting against it but there’s very little to care about. The champion has taken a big backseat to Helms and if Helms never wrestles, it’s a big waste of time.
Galloway training video.
It’s time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake. After calling some people dummies, Drake says he can change the world with this Feast or Fired briefcase. This brings him to his guest tonight, the future former King of the Mountain Champion, Bram. The champ says the briefcase may be dangerous but Drake himself isn’t. That earns him a DUMMY, YEAH as Drake talks about how he’s going to win the title one way or another so Bram could just hand him the title right now. Bram thinks he should just rip out Drake’s throat so Eli leaves. Bram questions Drake’s manhood and a fight breaks out with Bram standing tall.
Ethan wants his match with Bennett tonight but Bennett says there’s one more match for Ethan first. That would be against Matt Hardy next week and Matt is a lot more nuts than when he took the title from Carter in the first place.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Lashley
Lashley is challenging and this is a lumberjack match. They lock up to start with Lashley taking him into the corner until a big boot puts Lashley down. The spear out of nowhere sends Drew outside though and we take a break. Back with Galloway being sent out to the floor before Lashley suplexes him again.
We hit a quickly broken chinlock before Drew starts slugging away, followed by a neckbreaker for a breather. A top rope clothesline drops Lashley but the Future Shock is broken up. Something like a chokeslam gets two for Lashley but Drew grabs the Celtic Cross. The Claymore is loaded up but the lumberjacks pull Drew outside for the DQ at 11:53.
Rating: C+. The match was fun while it lasted but it was clearly just a way to set up a rematch at Slammiversary. You could tell they were going for something screwy as soon as they put the lumberjacks out there and that makes for a less than thrilling main event. Drew vs. Lashley is a good enough match but the story is only hit or miss.
Post match the lumberjacks fight with DJZ hitting a dive to take out a bunch of them. Trevor Lee does the same thing before Eddie Edwards superplexes Everett onto the pile. Bram knees Lashley but Drake hits him in the back with the briefcase. Cue Jeff Hardy to take Eli down but Matt breaks up the Swanton. Bennett throws Drake to the floor but here’s Carter to chase him off, only to eat a spear. Drew gives Lashley the Claymore and flips onto the lumberjacks to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. The ending was good but so much of this show felt like it was just sitting around waiting on the Hardys to do more stuff. Matt vs. Jeff is really dragging down what is an otherwise rapidly improving show with some feuds that make me want to see more of the show. The problem is Matt vs. Jeff is by far the biggest story going on and it wouldn’t shock me if they main evented the pay per view. There’s good stuff here but TNA’s standard problems keep holding it back.
Results
Jeff Hardy b. Willow – Twist of Fate
Sienna b. Velvet Sky – Spinning faceplant
Mike Bennett b. Earl Hebner – Big boot
Ethan Carter III b. Tyrus when Tyrus couldn’t answer the ten count
DJZ/Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett – Jumping DDT to Everett
Drew Galloway b. Lashley via DQ when the lumberjacks interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling Date: May 10, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We’re about a month away from Slammiversary and for the most part the show hasn’t been brought up yet. Save for maybe a mention here or there, nothing yet has been announced. I’m sure you can figure out most of the card by this point though and things are ranging from interesting to not all that great. Let’s get to it.
The announcers talk about Lashley being the new #1 contender to the World Title.
We recap last week’s triple threat main event with Decay beating down Jeff Hardy so Lashley could get the win and the title shot.
Here’s Jeff Hardy to get things going by calling out Decay. Cue the whole team with Abyss talking about how Jeff’s devotion to the fans have made him weak. Steve says the same things so Jeff thinks the only way you can decay is when you die. “And that’s ok because I’m about to kill you.”
Rosemary implies that they were paid off to take out Hardy (well someone has to pay for that face paint) and that person will reveal themselves at the right time (It’s going to be Matt Hardy. Just save time and say it’s Matt Hardy already. Everyone knows it’s going to be Matt Hardy so just say it’s Matt Hardy and get us to the TLC match they’re going to have at Slammiversary, likely in the real main event.).
For now the brawl is on until James Storm comes out for the save. Abyss is willing to destroy both of them for free tonight. Jeff: “Let’s pretend I’m the weatherman.” No Jeff, I don’t want to pretend you’re a weatherman. It’s something about a charismatic storm after the break.
Tag Team Titles: Jeff Hardy/James Storm vs. Decay
Decay is defending and this is Storm’s guaranteed rematch since Roode is gone. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Storm for some clotheslines on Abyss before a Sling Blade gets two. Abyss drops Storm though and chokeslams Steve onto him for a near fall of his own. Storm raises a boot to stop a charging Steve and brings in Jeff for a Twist of Fate on Abyss. The Swanton is loaded up but the lights go out and Willow (Jeff’s old character) appears on stage. Gee, I wonder who is under the mask. A double mist from Decay sets up the Black Hole Slam on Jeff to retain the titles at 6:15.
Rating: D+. Yeah it’s going to be Matt Hardy. As usual this is one of those ideas that really doesn’t need to be this in depth but TNA feels the need to build up the Hardy vs. Hardy feud, which really should be the biggest story in the history of wrestling because the Hardys are totally huge deals who have NEVER had a major violent feud before.
Remember how we looked at the triple threat match from last week? Well now we’re going to do that again, for the second time in about twenty minutes.
Drew Galloway doesn’t like Lashley.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis were at a Smashing Pumpkins concert last week and hung out with the band after the show.
Here’s Galloway for a chat. Drew is sick of Lashley and wants him out here right now. Lashley comes out and we get the traditional exchange of respectful greetings. We hear about how Lashley got into Kurt Angle’s head, which Drew says is Lashley’s game. He’ll try to get inside your head and then break you down physically, but Drew wants to fight tonight. Lashley says we can wait a week and leaves but Drew is going to fight tonight.
Cue Eli Drake to say it’ll never be over between the two of them. Drake is here to win gold and he’s going to win it all, even if he has to learn to do flips and win the Tag Team Titles on his own. Tonight though he’ll take that World Title and it’s time for a fight with a title match starting after a break.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake
Drew is defending of course. Drake starts choking and drops a leg for two before they head outside with Drew firing off chops. Back in and the Future Shock is broken up so Drew settles for a snap powerslam for two. Drake tries to bring in the briefcase but the referee takes it away. Instead it’s the Claymore to the face and the Future Shock to retain the title at 5:42.
Rating: C-. As usual Drake isn’t much beyond competent in the ring but at least we got to hear some of his sweet mic work earlier in the night. I’m really not wild on the World Title being on in the first hour, especially given what is likely going to be happening in the main event slot. This was fine enough though.
Ethan Carter III wants a rematch with Mike Bennett and isn’t leaving the ring until he gets it.
Jade and Gail Kim are in Maria’s office and are going to be facing each other tonight. Maria wants a five star match like the ones that Davey M. guy is always talking about.
Here’s Ethan Carter, who makes sure to soak in some of the cheers before getting to his point. For over two years he was unbreakable, unbendable and unbeatable but now he’s just a man with a vendetta. Therefore, Bennett needs to fetch his wife and get out here to talk business. I’m sure there’s a reason Maria changed outfits between segments. Maria loads up her name but Ethan dubs her Toots McGee and cuts her off.
Mike says he has a huge ego because he was the first man to beat the unbeatable. Ethan wants a rematch right now but apparently Maria has talked to Billy Corgan and there’s a new idea. Apparently Mike has a challenge for Ethan in the form of a road to redemption. We’ll start tonight inside Six Sides of Steel with Ethan facing…..someone.
We look back at Willow distracting Jeff Hardy earlier tonight.
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Jade
Jade is defending and Sienna is at ringside. Gail takes it to the mat for an early headlock but Jade comes back with one of her own. A crucifix is countered but Gail counters the counter into an armdrag, followed by an exchange of hurricanranas. They shake hands until Jade gets in a German suplex for two. A cross armbreaker over the ropes has Gail in trouble but Kim sends her outside for a suicide dive. Sienna offers a distraction so Jade can get in a suicide dive of her own, only to have Sienna beat Jade down for the DQ at 5:30.
Rating: C. The match was fine but it was clear that they were doing the mirroring story, which almost guaranteed the interference for the DQ ending. It’s a really good idea to have Sienna as an enforcer for Maria because no one is going to buy Maria as someone who can beat Gail or even hang with her. There was nothing to the match of course but there was no reason for there to be one here.
Sienna beats both of them down post match.
We go to Al Snow’s Wrestling Academy with a trainer torturing a student, which is how things used to be. Snow rants about how this is now the exception because it’s all about how the young guys get to come in and live their dreams without putting in any effort. Snow wants to be the Donald Trump of wrestling and make it great again, starting with Grado and Shera.
Ethan wants to know his opponent.
Al Snow vs. Mahabali Shera
Snow gets him into a chase around the ring before grabbing a wristlock back inside. They head outside with Snow pulling out a foreign object for a shot to the throat. Pope: “The Sheik just texted me.” That’s only good for two so Snow chokes with wrist tape for two more. The fans chant for Grado as Snow hits the Snow Plow for two more. Cue Grado to break up another foreign object shot, allowing Shera to hit the Sky High for the pin at 5:27.
Rating: D-. What in the world is the point of this story? They really don’t have anything better to do than doing an Al Snow vs. two comedy guys feud? As in that’s how weak the rosters have gotten at this point? I don’t know who this is supposed to be appealing to, but it’s certainly not me.
Jeff Hardy attacks Willow in the back and beats him down. After a break, Jeff is still at it until two more Willows attack him with the third giving him a Conchairto.
Video on Lashley vs. Galloway next week.
Ethan Carter III vs. ???
Inside a cage and the opponent is……Rockstar Spud. Carter hammers away to start and sends him into the cage a few times. Spud gets in a quick shot and chokes with his belt but he still can’t get out. Back in (after Spud looks like he’s being dragged under the bed in a slasher movie) and Carter keeps beating him up until Spud tries a fast climb. Carter is actually kicked off the cage and Spud drops a top rope elbow for two. The beating continues with Spud going into the cage over and over before gorilla pressing him off the top of the cage. The 1%er puts Spud away at 8:24.
Rating: D. Nothing to this one but it was entertaining enough. This was designed to be a squash so it worked on that front, but there’s only so much you can get out of a match with a clear ending and Spud getting squashed on less than an hour’s notice. It’s a cool idea for a story, even if it’s the same thing Sami Zayn did in NXT in 2014. At least they’re copying good promotions this time.
Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it was almost all about three stories: Jeff Hardy vs. Willow (it’s Matt Hardy), Ethan Carter III vs. Mike Bennett and Lashley vs. Drew Galloway. My problem here is that the weakest of these stories (Hardy vs. Hardy) is getting the most TV time and attention. I wouldn’t be surprised that’s the main event of Slammiversary either, or at least the real main event of the show. This one really didn’t work all that well though and that’s going to be the case until they spread the focus around a little bit.
Results
Decay b. Jeff Hardy/James Storm – Black Hole Slam to Hardy
Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – Future Shock
Jade b. Gail Kim via DQ when Sienna interfered
Mahabali Shera b. Al Snow – Sky High
Ethan Carter III b. Rockstar Spud – 1%er
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling Date: May 3, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
For the first time in a long time, we’re coming up on a pay per view with Slammiversary airing in June. The big stories at the moment are Drew Galloway wanting to fight Lashley, probably in the pay per view main event, and Mike Bennett being the first man to defeat Ethan Carter III which likely sets up a rematch at Slammiversary as well. Now take all of that and forget most of it because it’s time to put the focus back on the Hardy Boyz. Let’s get to it.
Earlier today, Lashley attacked Drew Galloway at the gym and beat the champ down. They wound up in an MMA cage and Lashley knocked him down with one punch but couldn’t choke him out. Eventually some other wrestlers broke it up.
We look at Bennett pinning Carter last week.
Mike and Maria come out with the former bragging about being the one man to finally pull something off that no one else ever could last week. No one in the back can beat him and now he deserves to be World Champion. This brings out Jeff Hardy because of course it does, though at least it’s not so he can yell at Matt. Jeff doesn’t think much of Bennett beating Carter because it just makes him a joke. The fans say Jeff is better and a match is pitched for later tonight. Bennett says he’ll go ask Dixie but Jeff cleans house, prompting Mike to say we’ll do it.
Mike Bennett vs. Jeff Hardy
Joined in progress with Bennett slapping on a chinlock. Jeff fights back with an atomic drop and the legdrop between the legs but here’s Lashley to spear Jeff for the DQ at 1:48.
Bennett gets speared as well because Lashley is going to run through the entire roster until Dixie Carter gives him what he wants. Here’s Dixie who is indignant that Lashley wants to be handed a title shot. She makes Hardy vs. Bennett vs. Lashley for the #1 contendership as tonight’s main event with Drew as guest referee.
Rosemary asks Crazzy Steve is he’s ready for his transformation. He certainly is so she spits something into his mouth. Abyss takes off his mask and gets the same treatment. The stuff seems to burn both of their faces.
Here’s Decay for a chat. Rosemary talks about the team taking the titles from the people’s heroes last week and their transformations. Steve can now speak and talks about how Rosemary has changed him. Rosemary talks about how many people have tried to control Abyss, including his father and brother. Now though he can show his true self, which means he wears paint instead of a mask. Abyss says he’s beautiful and the fans seem to agree. Cue James Storm to say he’s a cowboy who drinks a lot of beer. It’s time for a fight and Decay is quickly dispatched. We’re not done yet though as Storm wants Abyss right now.
Abyss vs. James Storm
Joined in progress as well with Storm getting in a baseball slide to take the brawl outside. Rosemary and Steve go after Storm but neither draws a DQ, likely because of plot convenience. Storm fights back inside with his shots to the face and a bulldog for two. Abyss gets the same off a chokeslam but Storm puts him back down with a Sling Blade, setting up a top rope elbow for another near fall. Steve’s mist doesn’t work but Abyss’ blinds Storm so the Black Hole Slam can put him away at 6:00.
Rating: D+. This was what you would expect and the right ending with Abyss getting a win to confirm the Decay’s new power. I’m starting to like the stuff they’re going with after a long time of feeling like they were just another goth gimmick. If nothing else it’s actually getting more mileage out of Abyss which continues to astound me.
Maria wants Dixie to look at some papers. Jade better be smarter than Gail Kim was.
Jeff Hardy is more concerned about winning the title tonight than Matt.
Here’s Maria to call out Jade for a chat. Maria sees Jade’s star on the rise but thinks she needs to just hand over the title now because Jade wouldn’t be anywhere without her. Jade says no so Maria brings out her friend Sienna to fight the champ. Sienna throws her around to start but Jade gets in a few kicks. They head outside with Jade being sent hard into the steps. Back inside and Sienna gives her something like a spinning Big Ending to leave Jade laying.
Bram says he’s been called a lot of things and now he’s being called champion.
And now, in case you haven’t heard enough talking yet, we have a sitdown interview with Ethan Carter III. Well at least we would if he was here but Bennett comes in to say that Ethan is missing because he’s scared. Tonight he’ll get his title shot no matter what.
King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake vs. Andrew Everett vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Jesse Godderz
Bram is defending in a King of the Mountain match, meaning you have to get a pin to become eligible to hang the title. If you pin someone, they’re sent to a penalty box for a minute so there’s some strategy involved. Jesse and Eli trade rollups to start as Everett hides on the floor with Shane Helms. Bram plants Everett with a powerbomb for the pin to become eligible early on.
Eddie grabs a half crab on Drake but Everett breaks it up for no logical reason. Edwards sends him out to the floor and hits a big dive, only to have Drake get in a cheap shot from behind for a rollup and pin to become eligible. Bram sets up a ladder and gets the belt but Jesse dropkicks him down. Drake slams Jesse but the champ comes back in for a Cactus Clothesline.
Everett misses a moonsault and gets caught in the Adonis Lock for a quick submission to make Jesse eligible. Edwards and Everett brawl to the back to leave us with three people. Godderz goes up but Drake pulls him down and hits him in the head with the Feast or Fired briefcase. He takes too long going up though and it’s Bram dropkicking the ladder down, allowing him to hang the title to retain at 7:25.
Rating: D+. I’m just not a fan of these matches and this didn’t change anything. It’s four guys getting title shots for no logical reason and this week the title is defended in a King of the Mountain match after last week’s title change was in a regular match. Just call the thing the TV Title and get rid of this stupid gimmick already because it’s way more complicated than it needs to be.
Drake tries to cash in post match but Bram gets up and chases him off.
Galloway says he’s had a rough day so he’d love to see Lashley try to put his hands on him.
Matt Hardy sits in the shadows and accuses Jeff of trying to remove him from this dimension. Their war isn’t done.
Before the main event, Ethan Carter III comes out to congratulate Bennett on the win. Carter isn’t like the rest of those people who lost to him over the years and then came out here to complain about it. He accepts this loss but it’s changed him. Bennett needs to go and win that World Title because he wants to take the title back from Mike one day. Carter rants about how the loss made him incomplete and kept him from becoming the best wrestler on the planet. He’ll be back for Bennett soon enough.
Jeff Hardy vs. Lashley vs. Mike Bennett
For the #1 contendership with champion Drew Galloway as guest referee. Drew promises to call this down the middle and we’re finally ready to go. It’s a slow start with both guys going after Lashley who easily powers them away. The big guy is sent outside though and Jeff takes them both out with a Whisper in the Wind as we go to a break.
Back with Jeff still fighting off both guys but eating a powerslam from Lashley. A long delayed vertical suplex, complete with a point to Galloway, plants Bennett. The spear hits Galloway though, followed by Bennett hitting the cutter on Lashley. Jeff dropkicks Bennett to the floor and adds the Swanton on Lashley for no count.
Bennett is sent face first into the steps over and over, followed by a Swanton onto Bennett on the steps. Cue the Decay for no apparent reason to go after Hardy, including a chokeslam onto the steps. Decay leaves so Lashley spears Jeff into the post for a great looking crash. Another spear gives Lashley the pin and the title shot at 14:02.
Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough at times and I’ll take Decay vs. Jeff over Hardy vs. Hardy any day. Lashley was the obvious winner here and that’s fine but this needed more time instead to really get good. If you take out the commercial and the Decay interference, this was under ten minutes long and that’s really not enough for a big epic match.
Lashley and Drew brawl to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This one really didn’t do it for me as they didn’t even have thirty minutes of wrestling in a two hour show. There was just WAY too much talking on here and even though there was some good stuff built up, you have to actually have something in there instead of just setting up stuff for six weeks from now. I wasn’t feeling this one and the pacing issues really need to be fixed, including less than eight minutes of wrestling in the first seventy five minutes of a show. Big miss this week and that’s not a good sign on the first show of a new taping cycle.
Results
Jeff Hardy b. Mike Bennett via DQ when Lashley interfered
Abyss b. James Storm – Black Hole Slam
Bram b. Eli Drake, Andrew Everett, Eddie Edwards and Jesse Godderz – Bram hung the title
Lashley b. Jeff Hardy and Mike Bennett – Spear to Hardy
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – April 26, 2016: Another Tuesday Sacrificed
Impact Wrestling Date: April 26, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s another one of those big TV specials (Sacrifice in this case) for TNA with a main event of Tyrus challenging Drew Galloway for the TNA World Title. Other than that we have Ethan Carter III vs. Mike Bennett in a No DQ match and Beer Money defending the Tag Team Titles against Decay in a Valley of Shadows match. Let’s get to it.
Tyrus and Rockstar Spud are in the ring to start with Tyrus talking about how Drew Galloway has promised to defend the title against him no matter what condition he’s in. Here’s Drew and we’re ready to go.
TNA World Title: Tyrus vs. Drew Galloway
Drew is defending and has bad ribs coming in. Tyrus does the smart thing to start and sends Drew to the floor for some kicks from Spud. Some chops knock Tyrus back but the big man goes right back after the ribs to take over. A double legdrop to the ribs gets two but Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb. With the tape ripped off, Drew comes off the top with a chop to the head and (doesn’t) plant Tyrus with a horrible bulldog.
Spud gets dragged in and suplexed for his efforts, followed by a Claymore for two on Tyrus because this match MUST continue. A World’s Strongest Slam puts Drew down so Tyrus goes up, only to get caught with a right hand to the face. Drew gets two more off a superplex before the Futureshock puts Tyrus away at 7:55.
Rating: C. The match wasn’t even bad but it felt like it went on forever because only TNA thinks Tyrus is even the slightest bit interesting. Thankfully this gets rid of Tyrus as anything of importance and lets us move past the brilliant idea to have him win a World Title shot at the biggest show of the year.
We recap last week’s main event with Jeff Hardy hitting a Swanton off the set to knock out both guys.
Maria has plans for the Knockouts division.
Beer Money doesn’t care what the Valley of Shadows is because this is all about their legacy with the titles.
Maria is here to talk about rebuilding the Knockouts division through a revolution. Yeah they’re not even hiding the ripoff here. Cue Gail Kim to say Maria is ruining everything that has been built and to accuse Maria of having Rosemary kidnap her last week. Maria threatens her with her power and makes Gail vs. Rosemary. If this is really supposed to lead to Gail vs. Maria, they’re even more delusional than they thought.
Gail Kim vs. Rosemary
Rosemary has Crazzy Steve with her. It’s a brawl to start with Gail being sent outside and into the post. Back in and Rosemary puts on a full nelson with her legs. Gail easily gets out and puts on the figure four around the post, followed by a twisting top rope cross body for two. A Scorpion Death Drop gets two for Gail but Steve pulls her to the floor. This brings out Maria for a distraction, allowing Rosemary to mist Gail, followed by an F5 for the pin at 6:11.
Rating: D+. If there’s a point to this story coming that isn’t Gail vs. Maria coming anytime soon, I’d love for them to get to it already. The problem here is we’ve covered so much of Gail over the years that it’s really hard to get fired up about her again. In other words: GIVE US SOMETHING NEW ALREADY.
Here’s Eli Drake for Fact of Life where the mission is to name all the dummies. Like for instance Jeff Hardy, who dove off a scaffold to prove that he’s extreme. Or like Drew Galloway, who thinks having a belt makes him a big deal. Drake has a button to press after every name that says DUMMY, YEAH. His guests tonight are the BroMans, who are now wearing glasses.
Unfortunately they have no lenses so Drake thinks they’re dummies. Jesse had the chance to ride Eli’s coattails but decided to get back together with this waste of space like Robbie E. Jesse brings up the loss to Grado so Drake gets in his face and calls him every name he can think of, capped off by, of course, dummy. The BroMans quickly dispatch him and make fun of Drake’s catchphrase. As usual, Drake has a great presence to him and was one of the bright spots on the show.
Decay is ready for their Tag Team Title shot.
Ethan Carter III says he isn’t perfect because he’s no longer the World Champion. He’s on his way back though through revenge and that starts tonight with Mike Bennett.
Tag Team Titles: Beer Money vs. Decay
Decay is challenging in a Valley of Shadows match, which means anything goes. I’m assuming at least as there’s no explanation before the match. There are weapons everywhere and the lights are dimmer than usual. The champs control to start but are quickly pulled to the floor to keep up the brawl. Of course the lighting makes it difficult to see what’s going on but that might be best all around.
Pope tells us that this is No DQ and Josh throws in that it’s no countout, which you could tell on your own, furthering the theory that TNA announcers are entirely worthless. Decay takes over with Abyss throwing a bunch of weapons into the ring to continue the beating on the champs. Apparently Rosemary interfered at one point but the announcers couldn’t see what she did because of the lighting. A Rocket Launcher is broken up and Roode catapults Steve into a DDT from Storm. Abyss eats a spinebuster from Roode and a top rope elbow from Storm gets two.
We take a break and come back with Abyss bringing in the barbed wire board because this is yet another name for Monster’s Ball. The double suplex puts Steve onto the barbed wire but Abyss breaks up the name shouting. Now it’s thumbtacks because, again, this is Monster’s Ball. Rosemary comes in and mists Abyss by mistake, earning him a beer bottle to the head for two. Steve shoves Storm off the top and through a table, followed by a low blow to Roode. The chokeslam onto the tacks gives Decay the titles at 15:33.
Rating: C. Yeah fine. I know Roode is leaving and the team is done so Decay getting the belts makes more than enough sense but I’ve seen Abyss doing this match with this exact same set of spots so many times that it’s really hard to care anymore. Overall the match was fine but there’s no connection to it, which is the case for so many things in TNA.
We look back at Eric Young cutting off Bram’s beard last week.
Bram, still with a huge beard, says he’s ticked off and wants to end Young tonight.
Mike Bennett talks about how much his debut has changed things for Ethan Carter. No one has pinned him either so tonight the streak comes to an end.
King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eric Young
Young is defending and they go at it from the bell. This is also falls count anywhere because we haven’t just gotten done with a hardcore style match. Bram backdrops him for two but the Brighter Side of Suffering off the apron is countered with a grab of the beard. Young pulls out a trashcan lid but opts for a low blow instead. A DDT plants Bram and there’s a trashcan lid shot for good measure. Young bites the face to break up a superplex attempt and drops the top rope elbow for two. The piledriver through a table is countered into the Brighter Side of Suffering through the same table for the pin and the title at 6:29.
Rating: D+. AND STAY OUT YOU RASPY VOICED PEST WITH A STUPID BEARD!!! In case you didn’t know, that was it for Eric Young and I couldn’t be happier. The guy always felt like he was in way too high of a spot and while he did have some moments, I’m so glad to see him finally out of TNA. Bram should have had that title a long time ago with Young being left out but then where would we have been without Young to guide us?
Drew Galloway wants to fight Lashley next week.
Here’s a banged up Jeff Hardy to update us on his condition. Jeff says he did what he did last week because he’s Jeff Hardy and hopefully that put some sense into Matt’s head. This brings out Reby and Spud to yell about how Jeff is selfish for hurting Matt. Reby slaps him a few times until Jeff knocks her hand away. Spud goes after Jeff’s leg and gets a Twist of Fate for his efforts.
Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III
Street fight. They get right in each others faces to start and Ethan clotheslines him out to the floor. Bennett grabs a chair but gets backdropped out to the floor for his efforts. Some chops up against the barricade have Bennett in even more trouble and Carter stops a charge in the corner with a raised boot. Mike sends him shoulder first into the post though and the arm is wrapped around the post for good measure.
Ethan starts his comeback but can’t get the 1%er. Instead he settles for two off a jumping Downward Spiral, followed by a double clothesline to put both guys down. Bennett grabs a quick cutter for two so it’s time to beat the tar out of Carter with a chair. The 1%er connects but Maria comes in to break up the cover. Carter unloads on him with the chair and puts on a cobra clutch, only to have Bennett climb the ropes and flip backwards for the first ever pin on Carter at 11:08.
Rating: B. I’m digging the heck out of this feud and I’m hoping it continues. The key thing here though is that they treated Carter getting pinned as something big and then gave that accolade to someone who could go somewhere with it. Really solid main event here and exactly what this show needed.
Bennett is STUNNED to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a lot but this really didn’t feel like a big show. The name didn’t help things either as this felt more like Hardcore Justice than a run of the mill show like Sacrifice. It doesn’t help that the World Title match had Tyrus involved and then three straight hardcore style matches. The main event was good though and TNA has some potential going forward, even though I have no reason to believe it’s going to last.
Results
Drew Galloway b. Tyrus – Futureshock
Rosemary b. Gail Kim – F5
Decay b. Beer Money – Chokeslam onto a pile of tacks
Bram b. Eric Young – Brighter Side of Suffering through a table
Mike Bennett b. Ethan Carter III – Rollup counter to a cobra clutch
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – April 19, 2016: Stretching Instead Of Entertaining
Impact Wrestling Date: April 19, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s a big night here as we have the battle of the Hardyz with the right to the last name on the line. In this case it’s an I Quit match over the name, as well as a ladder match with all of the Knockouts at once for control of the division. This isn’t about the title but rather about who runs the Knockouts as a whole. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Hardyz feud and how big tonight is.
Knockouts Ladder Match
Pretty much every active Knockout is involved here. Gail goes after Jade to start as it’s a bunch of brawling all over the place. The Beautiful People (still a thing because of reasons) dropkick a ladder into the Dollhouse’s collective faces, only to have Jade get up and do the Terry Funk ladder around the head spot.
Gail gets pulled down and slapped by Maria, sending them up the ramp in a chase. Cue Rosemary and the Decay to blast Gail with a kendo stick and kidnap her, even further guaranteeing the winner here. The rest of the match stays broken down with Jade clearing out the ring but getting powerbombed off the ladder by Marti. Maria kendo sticks Velvet down and goes up for the contract to win control at 5:13.
Rating: D. Were you expecting anything else? Maria and Gail are the only real characters in the whole division so who else were you going to go with here? Gail being kidnapped is better than having her talk about how serious things need to be for a change and Maria is far more entertaining than the rest of the division so this is the right idea all around. Horrible match of course but Maria isn’t much of a worker.
Drew Galloway is going to call out Lashley right now.
Maria and Mike Bennett are happy.
Decay has Gail in the rafters.
Here’s Drew, with heavily taped ribs, to call Lashley out. Apparently the spears from last week have cracked his ribs and he’s not allowed to wrestle this week. However, the TNA officials didn’t say anything about him fighting tonight. Drew invites Lashley out here to finish the job but it’s Rockstar Spud coming out instead.
Spud says if there was a match right now, he’d easily become the new World Champion. He’s out here to warn us that tonight is the last night that we’re going to see Jeff Hardy. Drew is about to beat him down when Tyrus comes out to say he told us so. Those ribs are a target and that’s what Tyrus likes. He’ll take that title match next week and it doesn’t matter what condition Drew is in. Drew agrees and they shake hands. Spud goes after Drew and it’s a double beatdown on the ribs, including a big splash.
Reby Hardy is holding a camera to film Matt, who promises to make Jeff quit once and for all.
The Decay still has Gail, who Rosemary calls a pawn.
X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Trevor Lee
Lee is defending and none of them get entrances. The champ bails to the floor to start but is almost immediately chopped by both challengers. Edwards is sent into the post so Lee hooks DJZ in a chinlock. That’s broken up with a jawbreaker until Eddie comes back in with a hard shot to Lee. Shane Helms pulls DJZ to the floor but Eddie breaks up a superplex attempt. Shane gets on the apron again though, allowing Andrew Everett to run in and shove Eddie into a jumping knee to retain Trevor’s title at 4:20.
Rating: D. So much for Lee doing anything with the title and all the work that Tigre Uno put into his title reign for that matter. Now it’s all about Shane Helms and a boring string of matches where Lee is a glorified project instead of the focus of the division like he’s supposed to be.
Everett gives Edwards a 630 post match.
Post break Shane and company says that Andrew Everett is the newest member of the Helms Dynasty.
Here are Eric Young and Bram for Eric’s weekly “I’m awesome” speech. He brags about how devastating the piledriver is and says no one can beat him because everyone can try. Young is tired of TNA sucking up to these young punks like the marble mouth Scotsman Drew Galloway.
Therefore, this is the last time you’ll be seeing him because he and Bram quit. Actually not so fast because Bram doesn’t quit. Bram is tired of playing second fiddle to Eric and thinks that King of the Mountain Title would look better around a real man’s waist. Young gets in a quick piledriver and walks off, only to come back and grab a pair of scissors to shave Bram’s beard.
Jeff Hardy thinks the World Title changed Matt and he’ll do whatever he has to do tonight.
Here are Mike Bennett and Maria with something to say. Mike wants all the attention on him because it’s time for a fairy tale. Once upon a time there was a prince with full control over a kingdom and his name was Ethan Carter III (dang I was hoping for Adam Cole). Prince Ethan had it all until one day a white knight called the miracle arrived. Then one day the Prince decided to fight the knight, who took all of the Prince’s power. This is now Bennett’s Kingdom of Miracles but here’s Ethan to interrupt.
Ethan wants the record to show that it was a disqualification win but then he beat Bennett down. He likes a lot of Bennett’s style but at the end of the day, Ethan is just the better man. If Bennett won’t fight him, Ethan will be Mike’s new shadow and beat him down every chance he can. Bennett says that the two of them can fight as many times as they want and he’ll beat Ethan every time because Ethan will keep coming back with another excuse. Ethan talks about how he’s never been pinned or submitted around here but if Mike wants to be the man, face him next week in a No DQ match at Sacrifice. Bennett is game.
Gail wakes up and calls Decay insane.
Here’s Al Snow to talk about how much he can’t stand this group of fans. They’ll watch every week and complain about it on the internet but then they keep watching. Back in the day, not everyone was allowed in the wrestling business and Snow would never pay to see any of these people in the ring. Tonight, he’s giving Mahabali Shera a lesson in what wrestling really means.
Al Snow vs. Mahabali Shera
Al jumps Shera during the entrance and stomps him down before grabbing the mic and calling fans into the ring for a fight. Shera makes his comeback and knocks Snow outside, only to have Al crawl under the ring and come out the other side to deck Shera again. Back in and Snow shrugs off another comeback by hitting Shera in the head with a foreign object. Snow takes forever and covers for the pin at 5:35, giving us a great overhyped cover and celebrating.
Rating: D. Snow is playing the character really well but good night there’s just no hiding the fact that it’s Al Snow getting this kind of time. You would think there would be someone else to take this spot and get a nice run out of it but since TNA can barely run a TV show anymore, the young guys are now doing jobs for people who barely wrestle once a year.
Decay says Gail might be sacrificed.
Eli Drake will have his own talk show next week called Fact of Life.
Here’s Decay with Gail for the plan’s payoff. Rosemary calls us all pawns and puppets and threatens to cut off Gail’s hair. Abyss says the only thing that can save her now is Beer Money, so here are the champs for the save. Storm and Roode have to stay at ringside because Abyss has to issue a challenge for the Tag Team Titles. However, he wants the match to have no rules or regulations, which is called the Valley of Shadows. The match is on and Gail is released.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
I Quit for the Hardy name. Jeff headscissors him out of the corner to start and they clothesline each other a few times. Jeff can’t get the Twist of Fate so he puts on a Figure Four of all things to make Matt scream no a lot. The hold is turned over twice so here’s Rockstar Spud for the save, only to have Jeff powerbomb him with ease. Matt uses the distraction to knock his brother out to the floor where he pelts a chair at Jeff’s head to break up a dive.
We take a break and come back with Matt bending Jeff’s arm around the barricade but getting pulled into the steel for his efforts. They head into the production area with Jeff swinging a pipe to hit Matt’s ring bell before going up towards the rafters. Jeff slides down the railing with a chair to the head but Matt still won’t quit.
Matt gets knocked onto some cases so Jeff can climb a ladder, only to have Matt climb up and hit a Side Effect to drive him though a piece of barricade. Back up and Jeff grabs a choke to knock Matt out without him quitting. That’s fine with Jeff who goes way up on top of the set for a Swanton onto Matt through a table. The match is stopped at about 18:30 as medics take care of them both and we go off the air.
Rating: C+. So yeah, after all that, there’s no finish and we’re likely getting something else out of these two in weeks to come because they’re the real stars of the show. The big dive looked good but I really don’t need to see these two doing stuff like that anymore. It was entertaining fifteen years ago but now it feels like they’re stretching instead of entertaining.
Overall Rating: C-. This show had some good stuff but it was scattered throughout a lot of weak action and far too little wrestling. You really should be able to get in more than a quick ladder match, a nothing triple threat, an Al Snow win and a main event without a finish. It really doesn’t help that the focus is on Matt vs. Jeff and Tyrus is #1 contender. Yeah there’s interesting stuff otherwise but I need WAY more than that to keep me entertained for two hours a week. It’s a watchable enough show but parts of it are going to put you to sleep.
Results
Maria Kanellis won a ladder match by pulling down the contract
Trevor Lee b. DJZ and Eddie Edwards – Jumping knee to Edwards’ chest
Al Snow b. Mahabali Shera – Foreign object to the head
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy went to a no contest
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – April 12, 2016: Hardy vs. Hardy To Set Up Hardy vs. Hardy
Impact Wrestling Date: April 12, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
Things have picked up a little bit in recent weeks around here after a strong showing last week. The big story continues to be the imminent Tyrus title shot but first we need to get through Matt vs. Jeff, which is still the biggest feud in the promotion despite Drew Galloway being World Champion. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Matt Hardy losing to Drew Galloway last week.
Here’s the Matt Hardy Brand to open things up. Matt insults the fans that paid to see him (even though they don’t charge for tickets) and says every dollar in his bank accounts was built on the Hardy name. However, there’s a ball and chain around his ankle and it’s named Jeff Hardy. Jeff comes out and says the title is bigger than any one of them because it means who is the best in this business.
Matt claims that he’s carried Jeff over the years and has he’s tired of seeing Jeff ruin their name. Therefore, Matt wants Jeff to go off and do his paintings or music or whatever and leave the Hardy name behind forever. Jeff says no to a match over the name (seriously) but the only thing that really scares him is Reby’s crazy genes infecting the family tree. Apparently the fight is on.
Tag Team Titles: Beer Money vs. BroMans vs. Decay vs. Eric Young/Bram
Beer Money is defending and this is one fall to a finish. It’s a huge brawl to start with Storm heading outside to ride around on the Boozer Cruiser and hit Bram low. Back in and Bram takes the double suplex which means it’s time for the opening bell. It gets annoying to have all that brawling before the match actually starts with none of it really counting.
Anyway Young works on Roode to start before Abyss tags himself in, only to chokeslam his partner onto Bobby for two. Young comes in again and decks Storm but walks into a backdrop for two. Robbie gets the tag instead and it’s a BroDown to set up the Adonis Lock on Eric with Abyss making the save. Everything breaks down and Robbie dives onto Bram and Steve. Young hits Bram by mistake and it’s the Last Call on Eric to retain the titles at 4:54.
Rating: D+. The match was watchable enough but it was a lot of chaos for the sake of Bram and Young screwing up again. I could go for them just splitting the team and giving Bram the title already as it’s not like there’s much left for the title anyway. Maybe Bram can get a small rub off of it but this isn’t doing him anything. Decay and the BroMans were just window dressing here.
Matt comes up to Jeff and says the match is on for next week but he wants it to be an I Quit match. Jeff has no problem with this but wants a tag match tonight with the stipulations on the line. If Matt and Tyrus win then it’s I Quit. If Jeff and his mystery partner win, it’s Full Metal Mayhem. So now the main event is a Hardy vs. Hardy match to determine the stipulations of the next Hardy vs. Hardy match.
Eddie Edwards has been attacked in the back.
Here’s Maria to say it’s time for the genesis of the new Knockouts division. Maria asks Jade to come out here and hand over the title to its rightful owner. That’s not cool with Jade because the champ calls the shot in the division, but here’s Gail Kim to interrupt. We get the traditional “you have to work for this” thing before Maria laughs at the Knockouts and how they’re all barking at her.
This brings out Rebel and Marti Belle to say they run this place, followed by the Beautiful People with Velvet saying they’re the OG Knockouts. Madison says she knows how to lead, which Velvet doesn’t quite get. Maria thinks the division needs a leader so here’s Billy Corrgan to again explain that he has authority around here. He’s been talking to Dixie and in a week there’s going to be one big match over leadership of the division. For tonight though, Madison gets a title shot. Everyone brawls and Maria leaves.
EC3 doesn’t think Mike Bennett is a miracle but he’s certainly talented. Tonight though, Bennett takes a beating.
Here are Shane Helms and Trevor Lee with something to say. Apparently Lee was going to fight Eddie Edwards but that surprise attack has changed plans. There’s a replacement though.
Trevor Lee vs. DJZ
Non-title for whatever reason. DJZ starts fast and snaps off a headscissors before hitting a big flip dive over the top to take Trevor out. A tornado DDT looks to put Lee away but Shane offers a distraction, allowing Trevor to load up his fisherman’s DDT. DJZ is ready though and grabs a small package for the pin at 2:59.
Post match Edwards runs out to save DJZ from a post match beatdown.
Bennett promises to beat Carter tonight.
Drew Galloway will be Jeff’s partner tonight.
Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III
Carter takes him down and hammers away to start before cranking on the arm for some chops. They head outside with Bennett not being able to suplex him onto the ramp, only to have Carter give him one instead. Back in and Maria rakes the eyes while Bennett chokes on the ropes to give Mike his first real advantage.
Carter fights back but Bennett grabs the ropes to block an Irish whip. A jumping Downward Spiral gets two for Ethan and the TK3 gets the same with Maria having to put Mike’s foot on the rope. Ethan gives chase but walks into a cutter for no cover. Instead Bennett brings in a chair, which Carter takes away and uses on Bennett for the DQ at 7:28.
Rating: C+. This was all about setting up a rematch and there’s nothing wrong with that. Carter and Bennett have some chemistry together and Bennett is going to be a good choice for a main event player, assuming he gets past the whole Miracle thing, which really isn’t working for me. At least the match was good and the rematch should be even better.
We look back at Al Snow beating down Mahabali Shera and Grado two weeks back.
Snow is willing to apologize tonight.
Al Snow is in the ring to talk about what he did two weeks ago and apologize. All he wanted to do was make sure that some young talent paid some dues. Cue Shera to get in Snow’s face and yell about how his friend is in the hospital. Snow says he’s been doing this a long time and it’s all he knows. Back in his day, you had to earn your way in here and that’s what he wanted to happen again.
When he was 19, he was beaten in the back of the head so many times that he went blind in one eye for over an hour. Snow was trying to relive those old days and maybe it was out of jealousy but he’s going to pay for all of Grado’s medical bills. Al agrees to try and do better and offers to mentor Grado and Shera. That’s fine with Shera and they go to leave, only to have Snow send him into the steps over and over. The segment worked well enough but was there NO ONE besides Al Snow that could play this role? No one at all?
Drew is getting ready when Tyrus comes in and suggests that Drew get a bodyguard. Bad things happen to good people and he can have his title shot anytime he wants, which makes him very dangerous.
Knockouts Title: Jade vs. Madison Rayne
Madison is defending and gets an early two count off a rollup. Jade comes back with a hard shot to the face and something like a reverse DDT for two. A release northern lights suplex gets the same on Madison but she comes back with a kick to the head for a breather. Some hard chops have Jade in trouble and a discus forearm sets up a loud screech. Jade shrugs them off though and avoids a high cross body, followed by an STO to retain at 5:15.
Rating: C. This was fine and that’s all it needed to be. Rayne is a good choice for a first challenge and gets to put Jade over as the new champion. The division and the title both needed a breath of fresh air after Gail’s latest title reign and Jade is different enough to make it work. It wasn’t a great match or anything close to it but it did everything it was supposed to do.
Matt Hardy/Tyrus vs. Jeff Hardy/Drew Galloway
If Matt’s team wins, next week is an I Quit match but if Jeff’s team wins, next week is Full Metal Mayhem. Tyrus and Jeff get things going but things quickly break down with Drew and Jeff cleaning house. Drew isn’t quite Jeff as he tries some Poetry in Motion but it’s enough to have them in control as we take a break. Back with Matt pounding Drew down in the corner, followed by Tyrus stomping on Drew’s hand.
We hit the camel clutch for a bit, followed by a belly to belly for two on the champ. Drew avoids a charge in the corner and it’s a double tag to the brothers Hardy. Jeff beats Matt down with ease and gets two off a backslide. Matt rolls away before the Swanton is launched though so Jeff dives onto Tyrus instead. A quick Claymore drops Tyrus but Reby slips Matt a hammer, which goes upside Jeff’s chin. Somehow this doesn’t kill him so Matt hits a quick Twist of Fate for the pin at 11:54.
Rating: C-. They really need to cut out these screwy endings, even though they had to do something nefarious here to give us the I Quit match. You don’t want the champion losing so Jeff taking the fall is the only option. I get the idea of not wanting it to be clean, but you can’t hold his foot or use the ropes or something? The only option is HIT HIM WITH A HAMMER? There’s no in between?
Post match the losers are in the ring when Lashley comes in for some spears to Galloway.
Overall Rating: C. This was watchable enough but they need to find some more fresh blood in the main event. Matt vs. Jeff over the Hardy name really isn’t enough to make me care about whatever they’re doing. Lashley vs. Galloway for the title is interesting and Bennett vs. Carter should be good. In other words, this would be setting up a good pay per view card but that’s not what they have around here so we’re likely getting a big TV taping instead. Lucky us.
Results
Beer Money b. Decay, BroMans and Eric Young/Bram – Last Call to Young
DJZ b. Trevor Lee – Small package
Mike Bennett b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter used a chair
Jade b. Madison Rayne – STO
Matt Hardy/Tyrus b. Jeff Hardy/Drew Galloway – Twist of Fate to Jeff
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – March 29, 2016: Hardys, Hardys Everywhere
Impact Wrestling Date: March 29, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Drew Galloway
It’s a big night this week as we have Jeff Hardy getting a World Title shot against champion Drew Galloway. On top of that we’ll probably be looking at the fallout from last week’s big gauntlet match, as well as maybe having the Knockouts Title match between Gail Kim and Jade. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s gauntlet match with Jeff Hardy eliminating his brother Matt for the win.
Here’s the Matt Hardy Brand to open things up. As expected, Matt is livid about losing the match last week and calls it an injustice. He wants and demands a title shot tonight because Jeff doesn’t deserve one. This brings out Maria and Mike Bennett with the latter talking about how he deserves the title shot because no one wants to see Matt as champion again.
Maria and Reby almost get into it before the guys talk about their lack of respect for each other. Before any punches can be thrown though, here’s Ethan Carter III to interrupt. Ethan pitches a show about the Matt Hardy Brand being the Three Stooges before praying for Mike Bennett’s career. That’s enough for Mike as he yells at Ethan, only to have Matt cut them off and challenge Ethan to a fight against the entire Matt Hardy Brand, including Reby. Ethan says game on.
Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy Brand
Tyrus throws Ethan around to start and it’s quickly off to Spud, who crawls away at the first threat of violence. It’s back to Tyrus who breaks up some right hands in the corner with a nice hot shot. Spud and Tyrus take turns on Carter with Matt coming in for a few cheap shots in the vein of Bobby Heenan. Carter finally fights back against Matt but has to deal with Tyrus instead of hitting the 1%er. Spud gets caught in a cobra clutch, which draws in Bennett for the DQ at 6:28.
Rating: D. Boring stuff here with Matt following a simple formula but not being all that interesting. That sums up the Matt Hardy Brand as a whole: they’re doing all the right things as heels but there’s almost no interest. Carter is doing really well in the face roll but he needs someone better to work off. Like say, Bennett for example.
Post match the Brand beats Carter down until Beer Money comes out to clear the ring. They heard a fight going on and would love to get in on that so let’s make this a six man tag.
Matt Hardy/Tyrus/Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III/Beer Money
This is joined in progress with Storm working over Bennett until Tyrus pulls James off the apron. Tyrus starts working on the ribs and goes simple by burying the point of his elbow into James’ back. James tries to bite the hand to escape and takes Bennett down for the hot tag to Roode. Bobby starts cleaning house as everything breaks down with Carter chasing Bennett and Maria up the ramp, leaving Storm to Last Call Tyrus. Both heels get suplexed but Tyrus gets in a heart punch, setting up the Twist of Fate to put Roode away at 6:07.
Rating: C-. Standard six man here with Carter and Bennett leaving Beer Money, as in the Tag Team Champions, to get pinned in a standard tag match. You can also tell that they’re running low on ideas as they used one story to carry a fourth of the show. It doesn’t help that it’s not the best story on the show but that’s standard for TNA.
Gail Kim isn’t happy with what Maria pulled last week so tonight it’s Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky for the #1 contendership. I guess Jade lost the shot?
The BroMans can’t believe they’re back together when Eli Drake comes in to laugh at them. Jesse says he has an idea.
Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne
#1 contenders match. Velvet puts on a headlock to start and Madison gets annoyed, causing things to get a bit heated. A clothesline gets two on Sky but some Skylines (I’ve heard worse) put Rayne in trouble, followed by a bulldog for two. Not that it matters as a quick jackknife rollup gives Rayne the pin at 3:35.
Rating: C. This is another match we’ve seen so many times before and it’s really hard to care about the same women who just pop up every few weeks for a filler match like this. The Knockouts division continues to need a lot of fresh blood, which it seems we might be getting with Jade and Maria. The match was fine but nothing I never need to see again.
Velvet raises her hand post match.
Drew Galloway talks about needing to do something special to beat Jeff Hardy tonight.
Pope gets in the ring with something to say. People have been noticing that he’s been getting more physical lately because Pope has to be the man that he is inside. A few weeks ago he stood up for his announce partner and Lashley doesn’t seem cool with that. Cue Lashley who tells Pope to apologize and go sit down because he’s not a man anymore.
Pope talks about getting into this business at the same time as Lashley, which means he wants to fight right now. Lashley gets in and the brawl is on with referees not being able to hold them back. Pope sidesteps a spear and Lashley goes to the floor, allowing Pope to hit a BIG dive off the top. Security still can’t break them up so we cut away. I’m not a Pope fan by any stretch but this was really good.
Another video on last week’s gauntlet.
Jeff Hardy is used to being the underdog.
Matt Hardy hates the main event.
Jeremy Borash has taken over for Pope on commentary.
Here are Eric Young and Bram with Eric talking about how awesome he is and blaming Bram for the elimination last week. Everyone wants to be him so he’s watching Jeff win the World Title tonight so he can take it away from him later. Cue the BroMans for our third unannounced match of the night.
BroMans vs. Bram/Eric Young
The BroMans clean house to start until Bram stomps Robbie down in the corner to take over. The beating doesn’t last long though as Jesse gets the hot tag and starts to clean house. Bram holds Eric but eats a right hand from his partner. Jesse knocks Eric into Bram and it’s the BroDown to put Young away at 4:28.
Rating: D. Storyline instead of a match here and there’s nothing wrong with that. The BroMans are a fun enough act to be a low level tag team but more important to me here is the fact that Bram and Young seem to be splitting. I haven’t cared for Young in years and I’m glad Bram might be getting some spotlight for a change.
Grado and Mahabali Shera are ready for the celebration (and dancing) when Al Snow jumps them and breaks Grado’s arm. Yes, AL SNOW is now getting a feud. That’s how bad things have gotten.
Here are Trevor Lee and Gregory Helms to call out Eddie Edwards. Helms praises the Wolves for being amazing and revolutionary but thinks it’s time for his in ring debut. He’s been a champion around the world and beaten some of the best of all time so how about they get together and win the Tag Team Titles? Eddie has a week to make his decision.
Pope wants to fight Lashley with no rules next week.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Jeff Hardy
Hardy is challenging and gets a headlock takeover out of the corner to take over early. Drew comes back with an overhead belly to belly and Hardy is already in trouble. The champ is sent outside for a dive from Hardy and we take a break. Back with Jeff getting two off a Twist of Fate but taking too much time going up and getting superplexed down.
The Claymore gets two and they head up top for what looked to be a super powerslam from Drew but Jeff reverses into something like a hiptoss. That looked to be a bit botched but it was good enough. Another Twist and the Swanton get two on Drew so Jeff sends it outside and puts Drew on the steps. The Swanton hits knees though and it’s a quick Futureshock to give Drew the pin at 14:18.
Rating: B-. Another pretty good main event here with Jeff being a good first victory for Drew, but they certainly didn’t hit a special level. It’s good that they’re getting Jeff out of the way early though as he’s one of those guys who is always going to be near the top of the roster so thankfully Drew can focus on someone new.
Apparently that new means Matt, who comes out to say that he was hoping Jeff won but he’ll settle for taking the World Title from Drew next week. Drew is ready to fight right now but here are Bram and Eric Young to help beat him down. That earns them a double Claymore and Jeff hits Matt with a Twist of Fate. Next week, Jeff wants Young in Six Sides of Steel.
Overall Rating: D+. I didn’t hate the show and they’re definitely making sense with the stories but it’s really hard to get behind a roster with Gregory Helms, Tyrus, Matt Hardy and Al Snow getting so much air time. The storylines are put together well enough but nothing has a spark. There’s nothing going on that I look forward to (though Pope vs. Lashley looks good) and a lot of that is due to how much we see the same people.
Look at the ending: MORE Hardys and more Bram/Eric Young. I get that they’re low on talent right now but they really need to get some fresh bodies in there, especially with Roode and Young leaving at the end of this taping cycle. The Hardys are all over this show and I’m really sick of them. Drew is a good choice for the young face champion but the show is all about Matt and Jeff and that’s been old. Freshen things up a bit, even if you have to hire some new low level names. You never know what you might find in there and it might help things out a bit.
Results
Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy Brand via DQ when Mike Bennett interfered
Matt Hardy/Tyrus/Mike Bennett b. Ethan Carter III/Beer Money – Twist of Fate to Roode
Madison Rayne b. Velvet Sky – Jackknife rollup
BroMans b. Eric Young/Bram – BroDown to Young
Drew Galloway b. Jeff Hardy – Futureshock
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXV: Dude He Killed Your Dog
Wrestlemania XXV Date: April 5, 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
After last year’s great show, we get….this. Wrestlemania 25 is often listed alongside the worst Wrestlemanias of all time. I watched it live and thought it sucked other than the candidate for best match ever in the middle of it. This is one of the ones that I wasn’t looking forward to but I have to be tortured for this job. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video of people being asked what the biggest moment in Wrestlemania history is over the first 25 years (let me get this out of the way: IT WAS TWENTY FOUR AT THAT TIME. This drove me CRAZY at the time because the show was built up as the 25th anniversary of the show, but that isn’t how things work. Think about it: when you get married, the day a year later is your first anniversary, meaning that Wrestlemania 2 would be the first anniversary, Wrestlemania 3 is your second anniversary and so on to Wrestlemania 25 being the TWENTY FOURTH ANNIVERARY, NOT THE TWENTY FIFTH!).
Anyway the answers are exactly what you would expect: ladder match, Hogan slamming Andre, Hogan vs. Warrior etc. This leads to a video of people saying they’re making the top moment tonight.
Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls sings America the Beautiful.
MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kane
MITB here. Henry has Tony Atlas with him, MVP is the face US Champion and Kofi is still Jamaican. BIG pop for Christian here. It’s a big brawl to start as the fans are solidly behind Christian here. Christian and Shelton run over Henry with the big ladder but Kofi jumps over it and takes both guys down. There’s a Boom Drop onto the ladder onto both guys. The ladder is set up in the ring but here’s Kane to beat everyone up.
Henry and Kane go up the ladder but everyone bands together to pull them down. The monsters are both sent to the floor and a second regular sized ladder is set up. A bunch of people go up but Kane and Henry shove everyone down. Kane kicks Henry down and loads up the big ladder again. Henry breaks up that attempt but opts to throw the ladder at Finlay instead of climbing.
Finlay dives through the ropes at Kane and Shelton so Christian can dive onto Finlay and Kane to take them out. MVP dives on all three of them and Kofi and Punk hit stereo suicide dives to take out all four guys. Shelton climbs onto the huge ladder and DIVES onto all five guys, looking like he landed on his head at first look. Now HENRY goes up top but Finlay breaks it up to prevent an earthquake.
Horny slides in his own ladder to climb onto Henry’s back and dive onto all six guys on the floor. Finlay is the only guy standing and throws in a big ladder, but he had to fight Kofi. Kofi dives THROUGH the ladder and drops it onto Finlay for good measure. Finlay drops him with the Horny ladder and does the same to Christian and Kane. The Irishman tries to go up but Kofi kicks him down.
Kingston tries for a climb but Henry is back again and shoves down the ladder. In an AWESOME spot, Henry holds the ladder to set it in place and Kofi runs up, only to be dropped down and hit with a World’s Strongest Slam onto the ladder. MVP slides a ladder into the standing one to make a kind of platform. Shelton slides under the ladder and kicks MVP in the ribs. MVP comes back with a kind of powerbomb on Benjamin but Punk stops the climb.
Now it’s Christian and Punk with Punk on the ladder and Christian on the platform. Now they’re both on the same side of the ladder and Christian hits the Killswitch off the ladder. By hits I mean Christian drops him in midair and Punk’s head never came within three feet of the mat but you do what you can I guess. MVP climbs up but Shelton climbs a ladder on the floor to get to the platform to get to the ladder for a sunset bomb to MVP. By sunset bomb, I mean he doesn’t get MVP over and basically pulls MVP’s face down the ladder. That’s two big blown spots in a row.
MVP is up first and pounds on Shelton before being powerbombed over the top rope and down onto a few guys. His head looked to smack against the barricade in a scary spot. Shelton and Finlay are on the ladder now and Finlay is knocked onto the ladder platform. Christian takes Shelton down and pounds away until Shelton takes the platform apart.
Shelton and Christian are both standing on two ladders but Christian shoves Shelton to the floor. Punk however springboards onto the ladders but gets caught upside down in a ladder, which is what Punk did to Christian to win last year. Kane stops Christian and chokeshoves him down to the mat. Punk pops up and kicks Kane down to win his second straight MITB.
Rating: B-. The blown spots REALLY bring this down because they were some terribly blown spots. Punk winning is fine as it was eventually the catalyst for his heel turn but that wouldn’t be for about six months. The match was good and having some fresh blood with Kofi out there helped, but the match overall was a letdown compared to other years, as the problem becomes “how do you top the other stuff?”. Still good though.
Video on WWE taking over Houston for the week.
Now we get to the part of this show which makes fans’ heads hurt: a TWELVE MINUTE Kid Rock song medley. Keep in mind that a unification match for the two sets of tag titles was on the preshow and ran about 9 minutes. THAT can’t make Wrestlemania but this nonsense can. This is to set up the Miss Wrestlemania battle royal.
Miss Wrestlemania: Divas Battle Royal
Melina, Beth Phoenix, Santina Marella, Victoria, Brie Bella, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, Jackie Gayda, Tiffany, Sunny, Rosa Mendes, Nikki Bella, Jillian Hall, Joy Giovanni, Katie Lea Burchill, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Maria, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Molly Holly, Natalya, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendes, Torrie Wilson
The medley contains the entrances for all 25 girls, none of whom get entrances or even introductions, so the fans have no idea who all is in this thing for the most part. Justin Roberts is reading the rules and people are already being eliminated. Not that we’re told WHO THEY ARE or anything but whatever. Oh and you can go through the ropes too. Cole: “You can get a look at all the entrants in this on WWE.com!” Yeah, that’s the only way to see them because KID ROCK had to eat up all their time.
Sunny, Torrie, Layla and Rosa are out for sure but the rest of them aren’t even mentioned. Gail and Jillian eliminate each other as Beth eliminates Tiffany and some other chick not mentioned. Molly and Kelly are put out as is Maryse. Beth dumps both Bellas and the only Divas left are Michelle, Mickie, Melina and Beth. Mickie and Michelle eliminate each other but Santina eliminates the other two. It’s Santino in drag if that wasn’t clear. Yeah, THIS is your payoff for bringing back all those famous chicks. This led to months of STUPID jokes and skits about them being brother and sister or something. No rating but this was awful.
Beth is ticked off, which led to months of stupid fights between the two of them. Santina dances post match.
We recap Jericho vs. Piper/Snuka/Steamboat which is built around the Mickey Rourke movie The Wrestler. The idea is that Jericho insulted Rourke and the movie because it’s not the same as getting in the ring. Rourke said he’d fight at Mania then backpedaled. We then had Jericho insult Snuka, Piper and Steamboat for sticking around too long. Flair was insulted as well but since Flair can’t wrestle anymore, Jericho beat up and challenged the other legends to a match here tonight.
Rourke is at ringside.
Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat
Flair is here to support his fellow old people. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s somewhere between smashed and alcohol poisoning. Jericho has to beat all three legends to win so he starts with Piper. Roddy looks bad but considering less than two years earlier he was diagnosed with lymphoma, this is pretty impressive.
Piper fires away to start and takes it to the mat before hooking a quick sunset flip for two. A kind of dropkick puts Chris down and Roddy pounds away in the corner. Jimmy comes in and the match turns into slow motion. To be fair he’s about 65 here. Ricky comes in and starts cranking on the arm as you would expect him to. Back to Jimmy for a double chop although only Ricky’s actually hits. Out of nowhere Jericho puts on the Walls for the elimination.
Piper comes back in and works over the ribs before throwing on the sleeper. It only lasts for a few seconds though before Jericho rams him into the top rope and gets the elimination via a running enziguri. This leaves Steamboat vs. Jericho with the Dragon coming in with the top rope cross body for a VERY close near fall. A snapmare puts Ricky down and jericho kicks him in the back before putting on a chinlock. In the STUPID part of the show, Jericho throws Steamboat over the ropes for him to skin the cat, but LET’S LOOK AT FLAIR INSTEAD!
Jericho gets backdropped over the top to the floor and IT’S A FLYING OLD MAN to take Jericho down again. Back in and a top rope chop has Jericho reeling. Steamboat jumps over Chris out of the corner and gets a rollup for two. Jericho finally hits the bulldog but the Lionsault misses. Ricky grabs a powerslam out of nowhere for two but gets caught in the Walls. Steamboat reverses THAT into a small package for the hottest two count you’ll see in years. If that’s not enough, Steamboat backflips out of a belly to back suplex, only to walk into the Codebreaker to let Jericho survive.
Rating: B-. WOW Steamboat had me going here and I knew what the ending was. Steamboat was 56 years old here and hadn’t wrestled regularly in FIFTEEN YEARS and just had the crowd actually believing he could beat Jericho five months after he lost the world title. That’s ASTONISHING and would lead to a one on one match between these two at Backlash. Snuka and Piper were there for one last hurrah but Steamboat was trying to steal the show and came pretty freaking close. This is a great example of a match with NO reason to be good which wound up being pretty sweet.
Post match Flair comes in but gets beaten down too. Jericho taunts Rourke (a real life former pro boxer) and gets punched out. This somehow took five minutes.
We recap Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy. The idea is that stuff had started happening to Jeff such as pyro nearly blinding him, someone trying to run him off the road, and BURNING HIS HOUSE DOWN, including killing his dog. At Royal Rumble, Matt revealed that it was him behind it because he was jealous of Jeff’s success. Naturally, no charges were ever filed or anything like that, because why do that when you can have an extreme rules match here instead?
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
Matt now has regular tights instead of the cargo jeans. Jeff takes him down and pounds away to start before heading to the floor. A hard poster to the head doesn’t do much to Matt, presumably BECAUSE IT WAS A POSTER. The steps work a bit better and there’s Poetry in Motion against the barricade to crush Matt. Back in and Poetry in Motion hits the corner instead of Matt and the Whisper in the Wind only hits chair.
Matt chokes away on the ropes and punches away at Jeff’s head. The Side Effect onto a chair gets two so Matt bends Jeff’s back around the post. It’s table time but Jeff fights off a suplex through said table and hits a running clothesline off the apron. Jeff busts out a kendo stick and a crutch to beat on Matt’s back before putting a trashcan over Matt’s head for the slingshot dropkick for two.
There goes Jeff’s shirt but the Swanton completely misses. The Twist of Fate gets two for Matt and he’s getting frustrated. Matt calls for a Swanton but gets caught in a superplex instead for no cover. There’s a BIG chair shot to Matt’s head which sends him to the floor. Jeff lays Matt on the table before putting another table on top of that table. There’s a HUGE splash through both tables along with Matt to leave everyone laying.
Back in and that only gets two, and now it’s time for the ladders required by a Hardys match. A legdrop keeps Matt down and the ladder is set up. Make that two ladders with one being bigger than the other. Jeff climbs the small ladder and jumps over the tall ladder, only to miss his big legdrop. Matt puts Jeff’s neck in the chair for a Twist of Fate to finally end this.
Rating: B. This was a solid brawl but it would all go downhill from here. Their feud didn’t ever quite work for the most part because the audience wasn’t all that interested and Matt didn’t work as a top heel. As for this match though, they beat the tar out of each other and Matt looked violent and evil. Unfortunately he couldn’t back that up for the most part.
Orton is ready for the main event.
Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Rey is challenging. JBL goes on a rant about how much Texas sucks and how they’ve lost their backbone. After this match is over, JBL is bailing on Texas and heading back to New York where he loves to be. Rey is the Joker from Dark Knight this year. They actually do big match intros here which isn’t something you see for a midcard title match. The referee reads them the rules and JBL kicks Rey in the head. Now the bell rings and Rey hits an enziguri, the 619 and a top rope splash for the pin and the title in about 20 seconds.
Post match JBL says he quits, which is his actual retirement as he’s never wrestled since.
We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Shawn freed himself from JBL at No Way Out and realized he needed a new challenge. What better for Mr. Wrestlemania to do than challenge the Streak? Shawn read passages from the Bible about separating light from darkness to show the differences between the two of them. Do you need more of a buildup than that?
Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
Shawn comes down from the top of the set all in white, Undertaker comes through the stage in black. Now THAT is an entrance. Feeling out process to start with Shawn circling around Taker and sticking with a few jabs here and there. Michaels pounds away in the corner and hits a hard chop but taker catches an incoming right hand. Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner and nearly out to the floor, only for Shawn to jump off the top and over Undertaker to get away.
Shawn might have hurt his knee but he’s channeling his inner Bret by goldbricking. Taker will have none of that and throws Shawn into the corner for more punishment. Michaels comes back with chops in the corner but gets backdropped down to stop the momentum. Taker drives some shoulder into Shawn but Shawn takes him down with a clothesline. The reverse Figure Four (called a regular one by that idiot Michael Cole) has Taker in trouble but he finally slugs his way out of it.
Taker pounds way in the corner but has to stop to shake life back into his leg. Snake eyes and the big boot put Shawn down and a legdrop gets two (brother). A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface by Shawn but Taker rolls over onto his side to block a lot of the pressure. After an attempted rollup by Undertaker, Shawn cranks on the hold a bit more, only to have Taker fight up and hit a big side slam for two. Back up and they slug it out with Shawn taking over via a flying forearm.
There’s the nipup but Shawn doesn’t tune up the band. Instead it’s a pair of atomic drops and a clothesline but as Shawn goes up, he jumps into the chokeslam. He escapes THAT and tries the superkick but is too far away, meaning the kick only hits Taker’s chest. It puts Taker down so Shawn tries the Figure Four but Taker counters into Hell’s Gate. Shawn flails around and gets a foot on the rope for a fast break but he’s clearly staggered.
We head to the floor for a bit but Taker misses the apron legdrop. A baseball slide keeps Taker on the floor but as Shawn tries the moonsault to the floor, Taker moves and Shawn CRASHES onto the concrete. Back inside and Taker sits up and busts out the Taker Dive, only to overrotate and CRASH in a terrifying landing. Shawn thankfully pulled a cameraman in the way to block some of the impact but this scared me to death live.
Shawn tells the referee to count in a kind of mid-match heel turn but Taker makes it back in at nine. Another superkick attempt is ducked and a HUGE chokeslam gets an insanely close two. The fans are getting way into these near falls now. The Tombstone is countered, the superkick is blocked, the chokeslam is escaped and NOW the superkick hits for a very delayed two count. Shawn is up now and looks all ticked off.
Taker grabs him by the throat but the Last Ride is countered into a sunset flip bid, but THAT is countered into the biggest Last Ride ever for two. Watching this match for probably the fourth time I actually thought that was the finish. Think about that for a minute. Taker goes up top and misses a top rope elbow but as Shawn tries to skin the cat, Undertaker catches him in the Tombstone. He sticks the tongue out but THAT gets two, I believe making Shawn either the first or second guy ever to kick out of all three of Taker’s finishers.
Taker nearly collapses from the shock and has a look on his face saying he has no idea where to go now. Shawn spins out of a Tombstone bid into a DDT and both guys are down. Michaels slowly crawls to the top and drops the elbow for no cover. Instead he tunes up the band again and the fans are all over him as a result. The kick hits clean and Shawn covers almost immediately but it only gets two. These kickouts are getting better and better each time.
They fight up from their knees and use each other to pull themselves up before slugging it out with everything they’ve got. A big boot puts Shawn down but Taker charges into a boot in the corner to put him down. Shawn climbs up top and tries a moonsault press, but Taker somehow catches him in mid air for another Tombstone to make him 16-0, and that’s your match of the year.
Rating: A+. Masterpiece, excellent, classic, best match they’ve ever had, best match of all time candidate etc. Pick one, as they’re all appropriate. This is one of the only matches ever where I’ve been on the edge of my seat the entire time and lost my mind on the kickouts. Absolutely outstanding here and one of the best matches I’ve ever seen, and that covers quite a bit of ground.
Now what gets to follow that?
We recap Edge vs. Big Show vs. Cena for the Raw Title. Edge switched brands at No Way Out after losing the WWE Title and won the World Title in the other Chamber match, because the titles are interchangeable props which you can pass around like this for no apparent reason. Edge’s wife Vickie was blackmailed into putting Cena into a triple threat match because Cena had video of Show and Vickie having an affair. This is basically a glorified handicap match.
Raw World Title: Edge vs. Big Show vs. John Cena
Edge is defending and Vickie is STILL in the wheelchair. Cena’s big entrance this year: an army of probably 60 guys dressed in Cena gear make a tunnel for the real Cena to run through, complete with the old Word Life theme song. Cena fights off both guys but the numbers catch up with him, allowing the heels to take him down. Edge is knocked to the floor and it’s back to Cena who gets beaten down by the monster.
Show goes outside to get Edge but the champion dropkicks the steps into Show’s knees, allowing Cena to hit the top rope Fameasser to drive Show’s face into the floor. Back in and Cena tries a quick AA, only to be countered into the Edgecution for two. Show comes back in with a side slam for two on John but Cena comes back with right hands. When those don’t do much he tries to hit the ropes but Vickie’s nephew Chavo pulls him to the floor. That earns him an AA and we head back inside where John knocks Show into the ropes to tie him up. Show: “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”
Cena beats down Edge and now has a free shot at Big Show. Instead he hits the Shuffle on Edge which is actually pretty smart when you think about it. Here comes the AA but Vickie gets on the apron. Cena drops Edge but avoids a spear, sending Edge into Vickie. The distraction lets Cena roll Edge up for two but a collision puts both guys down. Show gets loose and beats up both other guys including hitting a splash to both guys in the same corner.
Cena escapes a double chokeslam but can’t get the AA. Instead Show hits him with the WMD but instead of, I don’t know, COVERING, he goes to the floor after Edge. Edge counters a chokeslam into a DDT on the floor and all three guys are down. The champion crawls over to the steps and sets them right next to Show. With a running start, Edge uses the steps as a springboard and dives at Show, sending both of them through the barricade and into the crowd.
Back in and Edge gets two on Cena but the spear is countered into the STF. John pulls it back to the center of the ring but Big Show breaks it up by grabbing Cena’s throat. A Vader Bomb elbow misses Edge and everyone is down again. In a rare sight, Edge and Cena team up to suplex Show down and then clothesline him to the floor.
The Throwback puts Edge down but as Cena goes up, Show shoves him off and into a spear from Edge for two. Everyone is inside again and Show charges into a boot from Edge. The champion tries a sleeper on Show, so in the HOW DID HE DO THAT spot of the year, Cena AA’s BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME. Edge slides off and Show takes the full brunt. Cena hits an AA on Edge onto Big Show and pins the giant for the title.
Rating: B-. Fine but it’s another meaningless title change in a year which would be full of such things. Edge would get the title back at Backlash to make sure that these title reigns are as forgettable as possible and give us Cena vs. Big Show for about the ninth time. The match was just ok for the most part until the eye popping finish.
Wrestlemania 26 is in Phoenix.
Now we get the Hall of Fame class: Terry and Dory Funk, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, the Von Erichs and Ricky Steamboat. Oh and Steve Austin. Yeah him too. He takes off his suit and rides his ATV around ringside for one last moment.
This brings us to the main event of HHH vs. Orton. This was basically a continuation of Orton vs. the McMahons with HHH being the big soldier to fight in the war. Vince and Shane had already been taken out and Orton won the Rumble to get us here. With HHH firmly in his sights (again), Orton went on the attack.
One night on Raw, HHH was knocked into the ropes and tied up as Stephanie came down. Orton gave Stephanie the Elevated DDT before kissing her on the lips, further enraging HHH. At one point in the rivalry, HHH broke into Orton’s house and threw him through a window. Orton decided to fight HHH at Wrestlemania instead of pressing charges. The stage was perfectly set for the great beat down by HHH, allowing him to let out all of his aggression and rage on Orton.
While not the greatest story in the world, at least there was a solid idea and we should get a solid brawl out of things. There’s nothing wrong with a good old fashioned beating of a hated rival is there? Well apparently WWE saw something wrong with it, because there was a stipulation added: if HHH gets countered out or more importantly disqualified, he loses the WWE Title. Upon hearing this, everyone collectively said HUH?
This stipulation made no sense. The whole point of the match was to see HHH beat the stuffing out of Orton once and for all. What possible good could there be to make it a match where HHH had to keep calm and play by the rules? For some reason, this is what we got at Wrestlemania XXV.
Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton
HHH has a cool entrance here as he swings his hammer at the camera, only to reveal that it’s a big mirror that he shatters. They stare at each other for a bit before HHH takes Orton down and pounds away. The champion stomps on Orton in the corner and is threatened with a DQ, showing us how stupid this gimmick is. With HHH yelling at the referee, Orton grabs an RKO out of nowhere a minute and five seconds in. The Punt misses and there’s the Pedigree but HHH can’t follow up.
Orton is sent to the floor and rammed into the announce table before heading back in for more right hands. HHH catapults Orton throat first into the bottom rope before dropping some knees on the head. Randy heads back to the floor and counters a whip to send HHH into the steps. HHH gets whipped into the timekeeper’s table which apparently hurt his shoulder. Orton tries to get the countout to get the title but the Game is back in at nine.
Randy drops some knees and kicks to the ribs and it’s off to the chinlock. Back up after a few moments in the hold and HHH punches his way out of the corner. The jumping knee to Orton’s face puts him down and there’s the facebuster for good measure. The Pedigree is countered into a catapult though, sending HHH face first into the buckle. Not that it really matters though as a clothesline puts Orton down for two as the slow pace finally picks up a bit.
HHH gets shoved off the top but Orton dives off the top into a boot. A rollup gets two for the champion and they slug it out some more. The spinebuster puts Randy down but the Pedigree is countered into Orton’s backbreaker for two. HHH gets in another clothesline and goes up for some reason, only to jump into a dropkick. A kick to HHH’s ribs is caught and Orton is flipped over the top and out to the floor. They head over to the announce table and HHH picks up a monitor but drops it for fear of losing the title.
The champion tries a Pedigree on the announce table, only to be backdropped down onto the table which doesn’t break. With HHH still on the table, Orton hits the Elevated DDT to drive HHH head first into the floor. HHH still manages to get back in at 9 so Orton stomps away even more. Randy stomps away in the corner and chokes away as this is dragging again. HHH comes back but Orton throws HHH into the referee. There’s the RKO but the referee is down.
With no referee, Orton goes to the floor and gets a sledgehammer, but as he gets back inside HHH punts him in the head. A shot to the head with the sledgehammer puts Orton down and HHH pounds away. Orton is out cold so HHH hits another Pedigree for good measure and retains the title.
Rating: D. Erg that was awful. This was the same problem they had with the Cena vs. HHH match from a few years ago, where it felt like they were trying for something epic that told a story but it didn’t work at all. Instead it was these two punching and kicking a lot while having to stop because they might get disqualified. This didn’t work at all because the match didn’t fit the buildup, which was only decent in the first place.
HHH stands over Orton’s body like a viking standing over a big kill to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. There’s a lot to say here. First and foremost, this show is WAY better than I remember it with only two bad matches the whole way through. Unfortunately, the first of those two matches is after a nearly fifteen minute concert which no one wanted to see. The other match though is the main event which counting recap, entrances and post match stuff is nearly 40 minutes. That match is like a sledgehammer to the knees of this show and is easily one of the worst main events in Mania history.
On the other hand, the rest of the show is shockingly good, but it falls short of what it could have been in places. MITB is probably the worst yet but still solid, the Legends match was good but had absolutely no right to be, the Hardy match was good but nothing more, and the triple threat was about the same. The problem here is that one match is all anyone really remembers from this show other than a few individual moments. The memory of the main event hurts this thing a lot as it’s the only thing people remember other than the Streak match. Much better show than I remember, but it’s no classic.
Ratings Comparison
Finlay vs. Christian vs. CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Kane
Original: C+
Redo: B-
Divas Battle Royal
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat vs. Chris Jericho
Original: C+
Redo: B-
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
Original: C
Redo: B
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker
Original: A+
Redo: A+
John Cena vs. Edge vs. Big Show
Original: B-
Redo: B-
Randy Orton vs. HHH
Original: F+
Redo: D
Overall Rating
Original: D
Redo: B-
Did I mention this was the first live review I ever did?