Monday Night Raw
Date: October 22, 2007
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday and…well to be fair I’ve missed a few weeks so I have almost no idea what is going on at the moment. The big story on the Raw side is Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy or Mr. Kennedy. Odds are this week is going to be about moving us closer to the inevitable so. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Mr. Kennedy is in the ring to get things going. He knows there is a decision for the fans to make about this Sunday so let’s look at the candidates. First up, you have Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy, who is like Hilary Clinton. They have the blond hair and the famous last name, but just like Clinton, Hardy won’t be able to get the job done because he has no testicular fortitude. Then you have Shawn Michaels, who is like Rudy Giuliani. They both talk well and have a resume, but they both live in the past.

What has Shawn done for him lately? Whatever it is, it is nowhere near as impressive as what Kennedy has done. Kennedy lists off everything he has done in the last year or so and kind of quotes John F. Kennedy, asking what you can do for him. Cue Jeff Hardy in the crowd though, where he has found out that Kennedy’s approval rating sucks. Kennedy says Hardy doesn’t want to get into this with him, but the fans seem to think otherwise.

Hardy lists off Kennedy’s failures, which would include failing at Cyber Sunday too. Kennedy goes to leave but Hardy gets the vote to go beat him up right now. The fight is on but Randy Orton runs in as well, meaning the villains can take Jeff down. Shawn Michaels runs in and we probably have a tag match later tonight. Orton and Shawn fight off, leaving Jeff to clear Kennedy out.

Mickie James/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Melina

London headlock takeovers Cade down to start before going to an armbar. Mickie and Melina come in for a double hair takedown so it’s quickly off to Kendrick to slug away on Murdoch. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Kendrick but a kick to the head allows the hot tag to London. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake. London adds a running shooting star press for the pin.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the time to get very far but I can always go with tying two feuds together into one match. If nothing else, it was an excuse to have Melina vs. Mickie without actually having the two in a singles match, as Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick has kind of been done to death at this point. Way too short to be worth much though.

The Diva Search girls did an interrogation competition on the beach. Remember when wrestlers worked on this show?

Shawn Michaels comes in to see Jeff Hardy and talks about how much he needs to face Randy Orton at Cyber Sunday. Hardy suggests that the fans might want champion vs. champion though. Various threats seem to be made, even though they’re partners tonight.

Cody Rhodes is reading WWE Magazine when Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas come in to make fun of him for losing to Hardcore Holly. Rhodes says at least Holly looks good with blond hair, so Shelton is ready to face him tonight. Benjamin says after the match, he’ll dye Cody’s hair so he can be a thinner, less talented version of his old man. Haas: “Oh snap!”

Coach is with William Regal, who isn’t sure about making Coach vs. Hornswoggle. After some recapping, Regal does make the match, but Coach has a better idea: Hornswoggle vs. Umaga. Sure.

Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin

Charlie Haas is here with Benjamin. Cody gets taken down to start with Benjamin going right after the leg. The comeback is cut off with a shinbreaker but Cody grabs a bulldog out of the corner for two. Haas’ distraction completely fails as Cody reverses a rollup into one of his own for the fast pin.

Post match the double teaming is on until Hardcore Holly runs in for the save. Holly seems a bit impressed.

Here is the debuting DH Smith, the son of the British Bulldog, who is dedicating his first match to his father.

DH Smith vs. Carlito

Carlito goes after the arm to start but gets taken down into a jackknife cover for two. An overhead belly to belly gives Smith one but Carlito is back with a springboard dropkick for two of his own. The double arm crank goes on before a springboard elbow drops Smith again. That doesn’t make much of a difference as Smith is back with a running powerslam for the pin.

Rating: C-. Another match that didn’t get much time, but in this case that isn’t a terrible thing. Smith got to go in, beat up Carlito, and get out before anyone could see anything wrong with him. That’s a nice way to debut, as Carlito still has a bit of value to him. Granted the name DH Smith isn’t going to do him any favors, but he was good enough here.

Candice Michelle and Beth Phoenix have a weird staredown, with Phoenix promising to make her get on her knees and worship. Michelle promises to get the title back.

We recap Hornswoggle blowing up Coach last week, complete with comedic sound effects.

Hornswoggle vs. Umaga

Hold on as Hornswoggle runs off, with HHH taking his place. The big brawl is on with referees having to break it up but not doing the best job. Eventually the two are separated, only to have HHH break through again. No match obviously.

Post break, Umaga is surrounded by agents and referees and yells a lot.

Todd Grisham is on the stage and introduces us to the three Diva Search finalists. Lena is eliminated, leaving us with Eve and Brooke. They both get thirty seconds to hype themselves up for next week’s finals, which involves shouting about Omaha a lot.

Randy Orton comes in to see Mr. Kennedy, who can be his partner tonight but no one is going to vote for him because bad guys don’t win. Kennedy agrees they can be partners but he might have to make a statement after the match. See you out there…..partner.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino, who doesn’t like not being mentioned in the 500th issue of WWE Magazine. MANTAUR is even mentioned….and we’re cut off by the SAVE US video. Santino thinks that might have been Steve Austin, who must be comfortable at home, watching himself in the Condemned. If Austin ever does show up, Santino will open a can of the a** whip. Simmons comes in and hammers away but Santino gets in a shot of his own for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Santino kicks him low for the DQ.

HHH doesn’t care what kind of a match he has with Umaga on Sunday because tonight, he saw doubt in Umaga’s eyes. On Sunday, he’ll see fear, because no matter how the voting goes, it’s time to play the game.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Phoenix is defending in a 2/3 falls match. They lock up to start until Beth sends her out to the apron. A hurricanrana gets Candice out of trouble but Beth grabs her by the throat and drops her down for the first fall. We take a break and come back with Beth putting on something like a Liontamer.

Candice slips out and the slugout is on, setting up a discus lariat for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same so Candice goes up, only to get knocked down…where she lands on her face. You can hear the crowd go quiet as Beth drags her out of the corner (which is a REALLY STUPID IDEA) and pins her (with the referee audibly telling Candice not to kick out) to retain. Not enough shown to rate due to the injury and the break but I can’t imagine this was going to be anything but Beth retaining. The injury looked horrible though and that is probably going to put Candice on the shelf for a long time.

Beth leaves and Candice gets treatment but can’t stay sitting up. A stretcher takes her out, due to what would wind up being a broken collarbone.

Jeff Hardy/Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy/Randy Orton

Shawn and Kennedy start things off with Shawn shrugging off some chops in the corner. It’s quickly off to Jeff to work on Kennedy’s arm, setting up a middle rope elbow to the back. The charge in the corner misses though and Orton comes in to pound away with some right hands. A clothesline gives Orton two but Hardy kicks Kennedy in the face and dives over for the tag. Some of the house is cleaned but Shawn gets taken into the wrong corner so Orton can take over again.

Kennedy comes back in and grabs the seated abdominal stretch for a little longer than you might have expected. Back to back backbreakers give Kennedy two and an elbow to the face gets the same. It’s back to Orton for the slow stomping and a knee to the back keeps Shawn down. Orton pulls him into a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Shawn fights up with an enziguri. The double tag brings in Hardy and Kennedy with the pace picking up. Everything breaks down and Shawn slingshots down onto Orton, leaving Hardy to Twist Kennedy’s fate. The Swanton gives Hardy the pin.

Rating: B-. This was a bit above average main event style tag match and that shouldn’t be a surprise. I don’t think there’s any secret to the fact that Shawn is getting the title shot on Sunday so the ending was little more than misdirection, but they had a good match on the way there. Kennedy just kind of exists to give Orton a partner, but they had worse options.

Post match Shawn superkicks Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Cyber Sunday is such a weird show to build towards as WWE doesn’t really have matches to set up. Instead, you have a bunch of options to pick from, which makes for some odd final shows. The fact that this one included an injury and more Hornswoggle shenanigans and it wasn’t exactly a great way to get me into the pay per view.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 15, 2007
Location: NEC, Birmingham, England
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things picked back up last week as Shawn Michaels made his return to the show and took out Raw World Champion Randy Orton. That seems likely to be taking us to Cyber Sunday, which is going to need a card set up in a hurry as the show is less than two weeks away. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton winning the WWE Title at No Mercy and being congratulated the next night, only to have Shawn Michaels return and go after him, including a heck of a superkick.

Orton comes up to William Regal in the back and thinks Regal should be the one picking his opponent at Cyber Sunday. For tonight, Orton wants a warmup match, plus a triple threat between his three possible Cyber Sunday opponents: Mr. Kennedy, Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels.

Opening sequence.

Here is William Regal to announce that Randy Orton will be facing all of his Cyber Sunday opponents tonight in a series of singles matches, starting with this one.

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and this isn’t what Orton seemed to want. Hardy armdrags him down to start and Orton doesn’t look happy with any of this. Some more armdrags set up an armbar and there’s a running clothesline to put Orton on the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and we take an early break. Back with Orton working on a chinlock, setting up the powerslam for two. The knee drop gets the same and we’re back to the chinlock. Hardy fights back up and hits his mule kick but here is Mr. Kennedy to break up the Swanton. The RKO finishes Hardy.

Rating: C. This was a pretty dull match until the finish, as Hardy can make a comeback like few others. Kennedy distracting Hardy makes sense, as he not only has recent issues with Hardy but also doesn’t want Hardy to beat Orton and get momentum in the voting. Logical move here and it gives Hardy some protection in his loss.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Maria is here with Santino and commentary tries to figure out what she sees in him. Before the match, Santino mocks England for not being as good as Italy and starts going after the Condemned, which brings out Venis to get things going. Venis hammers away to start but Santino ties his legs in the rope to take over. We hit the leg crank on the mat as Maria looks….I think pleased? A half crab stays on the leg so Val makes it over to the ropes. Venis fights up with the usual assortment of strikes to the face before trying a sunset flip out of the corner. That’s fine with Santino, who sits down on it and grabs the ropes for the pin.

The Diva Search girls did a search and rescue competition on the beach. This is in no way, shape or form an excuse to have them run in slow motion. Next time: they’re going to arrest people.

Carlito and Coach talk about small apples, which leads them to a discussion of Hornswoggle. Coach seems to have a plan to murder him but Hornswoggle comes in, meaning the chase is on.

Post break, Coach chases Hornswoggle through catering and gets a lot of food thrown at him. Hornswoggle escapes again and Coach is frustrated.

We look back at Vince McMahon tormenting HHH last week in the form of a handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton.

William Regal comes in to see Vince, who asks how old the Queen really is. Regal, looking at the photos on his wall, including Queen Elizabeth and Elton John: “Which one?” Vince has something in mind tonight, but first he has to correct Regal: it’s UMAGA, not YOUMANGA.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and gets two off a quick rollup. The headlock goes back on and it works so well that the third version frustrates Orton even more. Orton finally hits him in the face but Kennedy does it right back and swats the dropkick away. Some more right hands get Orton out of trouble and the backbreaker gets two. Kennedy is right back with the Regal Roll but here’s Jeff Hardy to jump Kennedy for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much time here and a lot of it was spent on headlocks and punches. The ending wasn’t quite the biggest surprise, but then again they aren’t exactly going for subtlety with what Orton is going to be doing at Cyber Sunday. Hardy coming in makes sense to even things up as he and Kennedy can be on the pay per view in some match of their own.

Post match Hardy beats on Kennedy even more.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. He puts over the idea of Cyber Sunday again and brings out HHH’s opponent for the show: Umaga. Vince says that we could be having a street fight at Cyber Sunday, so let’s do that with this young man already in the ring.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Street fight. Umaga knocks him outside to start and throws him over the announcers’ table as the destruction is on. Back in and a Samoan drop onto a chair finishes Simmons fast.

Hold on though as Vince wants a demonstration of the second option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

First blood. Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt (Vince: “That’s gonna leave a mark.”) and there’s the running hip attack in the corner. The Samoan Spike ends whatever is left of Simmons and Umaga hammers on him until the blood flows for the win.

Oh wait though as there is one more option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Inside a cage with escape only. It takes a second for the cage to be set up, so Vince narrates some highlights of the previous two matches. Simmons is sent head first into the cage to start and then the ribs go into the steel as well, allowing Umaga to walk out for the easy win.

Coach and Hornswoggle have a bicycle race and Ron Simmons does his catchphrase.

Jillian Hall vs. Candice Michelle

Before the match, Jillian mocks Lilian Garcia’s singing abilities and accuses her of lip syncing last week. Also, a real singer doesn’t need a band, so tonight she is singing acapella British! Candice cuts her off so Jillian gets in a cheap shot to start fast. The Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in less than a minute.

Beth Phoenix is ready for Candice Michelle getting her rematch next week. She’ll make Candice worship her.

Hardcore Holly comes up to Cody Rhodes and doesn’t get why Cody is challenging him again. Cody thinks he has a chance but Holly says this is his last shot and slaps him. That’s the look Holly wants.

Smackdown Rebound.

Brian Kendrick vs. Rory McCallister

Their respective partners are here and Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are on commentary. Kendrick hammers away to start but gets knocked into the ropes for his efforts. Rory knocks him outside and a rather delayed cover gets two back inside. The chinlock goes on and brings Kendrick back to life, only to have Robbie offer a distraction. A reverse suplex gives Rory the pin.

Rating: C-. What were you expecting here? As nothing as the match was, I can appreciate the idea of adding a fresh team to the division. There is only so much you can get out of two teams fighting each other over and over so this is a nice addition. The match wasn’t exactly good, but the Highlanders can add a bit of spice to the division.

Here’s the same video that opened the show.

Shawn Michaels promises that he’ll be waiting around every corner for Randy Orton and is ready to go to Cyber Sunday and take the WWE Title.

Coach chases Hornswoggle into the Divas locker room and leaves with some underwear. The women throw things at Coach until he leaves.

SAVE US, with commentary acknowledging it for the first time.

Hornswoggle runs into the arena and Coach follows him, with Hornswoggle going underneath the ring. Coach pulls out a Wile E. Coyote style red box explosion trigger, but nothing goes off. Then Coach goes underneath the ring to check the cord and….yeah you know what’s coming. Hornswoggle blows Coach to smithereens as I try to figure out how I got here.

Cody Rhodes vs. Hardcore Holly

Cody forearms away to start but has to skin the cat. Back in and Holly fires off the chops but Cody gets in a crossbody for two. Holly isn’t having that and ties him in the ropes for some shots to the chest, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up so Holly hangs him in the ropes for the kick to the ribs that looks rather low. Cody manages a crucifix for two, followed by a rollup for the same. Back up and Holly hits that dropkick of his, followed by a high crossbody and the Alabama Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. They’re building a little something here, even if it is pretty low level stuff. What matters is that they are giving Rhodes some kind of a story and that is more than a lot of people get around here. Granted it is with Hardcore Holly, but that is at least something, so he has somewhere to go from here.

Cody keeps pulling himself up and Holly looks kind of impressed.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Non-title again. Shawn wastes no time in knocking Orton outside to start and a clothesline gets two back inside. A rollup gets the same but Orton elbows him in the face to take over. The top rope superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Mr. Kennedy comes in for the DQ.

Post match Jeff Hardy comes in for the save but gets shoved off the top, leaving Shawn to fight off both villains. The superkick drops Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of those shows with a running theme going throughout the show but it was only so interesting as we are on the way to a pretty foregone conclusion. That isn’t a terrible thing, though it doesn’t make for the most thrilling week as we wait for Michaels to get the title shot. Other than that, there was an explosion and Umaga squashing a guy three times in a row. The UK shows tend to be bad but this felt like they were especially out of ideas on the way to the pay per view.

 

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXV
Date: April 5, 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Houston worked very well back in 2001 and nothing has changed since then right? In addition to the Undertaker vs. Michaels showdown, we also have World Title matches of Randy Orton vs. HHH and John Cena vs. Big Show vs. Edge. It might work better in execution but this really isn’t the most inspiring show in the world. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Unified Tag Team Titles: Primo and Carlito vs. The Miz/John Morrison

This is another lumberjack match but it means something for a change. In this case we have the Smackdown Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo and the Raw Tag Team Champions Miz and Morrison fighting to FINALLY unify the two titles into one, as they should have been years ago. Primo and Morrison get things going and John has to slide in through his legs to avoid being knocked into the lumberjacks. That’s fine with Primo as he pulls off a handstand in the corner into a headscissors to send Morrison outside.

Off to Miz vs. Carlito with the latter being sent out to the floor. Some left hands knock the lumberjacks back but Morrison pulls Carlito off the top and down onto the other set of lumberjacks. Miz grabs a chinlock followed by a HARD running knee to the face from Morrison. Carlito finally comes back with an electric chair drop and it’s hot tag to Primo.

Some dropkicks have Miz and Morrison in trouble and everything breaks down. Miz and Carlito head outside, leaving Morrison to roll through a high cross body for two of his own. Back up and Morrison loads up a reverse suplex but Primo catches him in a Backstabber on the way down for the pin and both titles at 8:21.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and made sure that it did didn’t get boring as the show was just getting started. Above all else, it’s nice to have something on the line again in one of these things. The Colons winning was a surprise and it was a good idea to give the good guys the win, even if Miz and Morrison were popular in their own right. One last thing: notice the amount of time spent on the match. That’s going to come up later.

The opening video has a bunch of people talking about their Wrestlemania moments for the big anniversary show. As usual, this turns into a discussion of their matches tonight and how they all want to steal the show.

We see the crowd for the first time. The ring looks like a drop of water in the middle.

Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls sings America the Beautiful.

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. MVP vs. Finlay vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane

MVP is US Champion again, Henry has Tony Atlas (you might remember him from Wrestlemania II), Finlay has Hornswoggle and Shelton is still golden. Christian and Shelton go outside for ladders and it’s Henry and Kane ruling the ring. The big ladder is quickly brought in to take the giants down but Kofi dropkicks the ladder down to drop Christian and Shelton. He tweaks his knee though and it’s Kane and Henry climbing the ladder.

The normal sized people get together to take care of the giants but are quickly shoved down, leaving Kane and Henry to keep fighting. Kane’s advantage is short lived as Henry breaks it up and throws the big ladder over the top for reasons that aren’t clear. Finlay gets back in and takes out Kane and Shelton with a suicide dive, followed by Christian doing the same. MVP does the same thing, leaving Punk and Kofi to nail stereo suicide dives. Shelton isn’t going to be outdone and climbs a ladder for a BIG flip dive down onto everyone else. That certainly got the crowd going.

With nothing else left, Henry starts to climb in the corner. Finlay doesn’t want an earthquake and smacks him with the shillelagh, allowing Hornswoggle to climb his stepladder for a tadpole splash onto everyone but Finlay and Henry. It’s Finlay setting up a ladder Kofi dives through the middle to drop kick him back down. Kofi takes too long going up though and Finlay throws the stepladder at him for a save.

Henry is back in now and picks up the ladder, only to have Kofi run up one side. He can’t fight that much gravity though and falls into Henry’s arms (great hand speed there by Mark) for a World’s Strongest Slam onto the ladder. MVP takes Henry down and there’s a ladder bridged between the top rope and into the standing ladder. Shelton dives into a powerbomb from MVP but Punk makes a save.

Christian breaks that up and stands on the bridged ladder for a Killswitch (new name for the Unprettier) to take Punk down (mostly botched as Christian fell first but it must be terrifying up there). To make things even worse, another ladder is set up on the floor next to the bridged ladder, giving us a three ladder structure.

Every the daredevil, Shelton runs up the ladders to catch MVP with a sunset bomb but botches it even worse (understandable this time I would think) by not pulling MVP down and sending him face first into every rung of the ladder. The fans make sure to rip on him for it because their expectations are ridiculous. Shelton gets their attention back by powerbombing MVP over the top and down onto Henry and Atlas. Benjamin isn’t done yet as he knocks Finlay off a ladder and onto the bridged one.

The bridged ladder is set up next to the already standing one and it’s a double climb by Christian and Shelton. Christian knocks him off and climbs back up, only to have Punk springboard onto the other ladder. Punk gets knocked backwards and hangs on by a foot, leaving Kane to come in and pull Christian down. Punk pulls himself up though and kicks Kane down, leaving Punk to win for the second year in a row at 14:24.

Rating: B. This year tried to build up some more high spots but they got a bit too big and dangerous with some of them and couldn’t quite pull them off. Kane and Henry were interesting additions but Henry never got close to the briefcase and both were more roadblocks than anything else. Punk winning again is a cool idea and the fans were surprised when he pulled it off. Good stuff here, but a step below the others and a lot of that is due to how many people were in the match.

Video on Axxess and Wrestlemania week in Houston.

Here’s one of the reasons this show isn’t remembered very fondly: a TEN MINUTE KID ROCK MEDLEY. There’s no story, there’s no music video, there’s nothing but Kid Rock and his band performing for over ten minutes. After about nine, the 25 Divas in a battle royal come out, many of which are here for the first time in years but none of them are introduced because Kid Rock is still playing. This goes on longer than the pre-show Tag Team Title match. He FINALLY wraps up at about ten and a half minutes.

Divas Battle Royal

Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, Brie Bella, Eve Torres, Jackie Gayda, Jillian Hall, Joy Giovanni, Katie Lea Burchill, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Maria Kanellis, Maryse, Melina, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Molly Holly, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Santina Marella, Sunny, Terri Runnels, Tiffany, Torrie Wilson, Victoria

Maryse is Divas Champion (a new title created last previous year) and Melina is Women’s Champion. You can be eliminated through the ropes as well as over the top. They’re already fighting during the introductions and Mae Young is shown as guest timekeeper (not introduced of anything). Layla and Joy are eliminated in the first twenty seconds with no acknowledgment. Rosa Mendes is out as well and warrants some attention. Alicia Fox goes out with no mention as well.

Cole mentions that you could see who is in the match in a special photo shoot on WWE.com. That’s the extent of the entrance list you’re going to get here. I had to find a list online because the camera was on Kid Rock during most of the entrances. Lawler is stunned to hear that Sunny is in here. Sunny is tossed and there goes Torrie Wilson (takes about fifteen seconds for the announcers to figure out who it was). Gayda is eliminated and Maria is forearmed out by Victoria. Lawler: “Hey Victoria is back!” Gail and Jillian go out together, followed by Eve and Tiffany at the same time.

Beth eliminates Kelly, Molly, Maryse and Katie in about twenty seconds. The Bellas put Victoria out so Beth puts both of them out back to back. We’re down to Beth, Mickie, Michelle, Melina…..and Santina, which is Santino in drag because he thought it was unfair to have an all Divas battle royal. Mickie and Michelle fall off the top to eliminate each other in the most entertaining part of the match so far. Melina dives on Beth in an awkward looking landing but Santina eliminates both of them to win at 5:58.

Rating: F-. WOW. So the entrances were cut off for Kid Rock, the announcers had no idea who was in this, and the ending is the start of a stupid angle that eventually saw Vickie Guerrero win the crown from Santina. This was on the level of some indy company in a high school gym and it aired at Wrestlemania. Totally unacceptable and one of the biggest screwups I’ve ever seen.

Santina introduces herself and the fans chant for Santino. Candice Michelle gives him a sash and crown as Beth is livid. Santina dances to make it even worse.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. the legends. Mickey Rourke’s movie The Wrestler came out earlier in the year, telling the story of an old wrestler trying to hang on. Jericho hated this idea and called out names such as Ricky Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka and Roddy Piper, eventually challenging them to a match at Wrestlemania. With Ric Flair in their corner, the three agreed. Jericho beat up Flair to prove his point.

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steamboat/Jimmy Snuka/Roddy Piper

This was originally a gauntlet match but has been changed into an elimination match instead. Mickey Rourke is at ringside. At this point, Steamboat is 56 and last wrestled in 1994, Snuka is 65 and Piper is 12 days away from turning 55 (though considering he was diagnosed with Lymphoma just two years before this, he looks great). Flair comes out with them and oh sweet goodness he is WASTED.

Piper starts and JR says it’s going to be bowling shoe ugly right out of the gate. They go outside with Piper sending him into the announcers’ table before trying a dropkick and kind of grazing Jericho’s shoulder with one foot. Snuka comes in with a headbutt and some shots to the ribs. It’s off to Steamboat for by far the biggest reaction of the match. He looks like he’s about 40 here and comes in off the top with a chop to the head. The armdrags have Jericho in trouble and we get a STEAMBOAT chant.

Back to Snuka who misses his half of a double chop and gets caught in a quick Walls of Jericho for the submission. Piper and Steamboat have to break the hold and it’s Piper kicking Chris in the ribs. Jericho reverses a quick sleeper and nails a running enziguri to get us down to one on one. Steamboat comes in with a high cross body for two and a HUGE reaction before it’s time to chop it out. We hit the chinlock (Jericho: “ASK HIM!”) for a bit before Jericho throws him over the top for to skin the cat (which the camera missed on the original broadcast as it was on Jericho punching Flair).

Steamboat sends him to the floor and hits a plancha as the fans are totally behind the Dragon. A top rope chop has Jericho in trouble and Ricky jumps off the bottom rope for a leapfrog into a rollup for two. Jericho scores with the bulldog but misses the Lionsault. A powerslam gets two for Steamboat but he gets caught in the Walls. We’re not done yet though as he slips out and grabs a small package for two (and a massive sigh of exasperation on the kickout). The Codebreaker puts Steamboat out at 8:57.

Rating: B. Of course that’s on an adjusted scale. This match had absolutely no reason to go anywhere and Steamboat put on the best performance someone his age and that far removed from wrestling could dream of to make it work. The crowd was with him the entire way and it’s a moment that worked so perfectly. Obviously you don’t want Jericho going down here but they took what could have been an embarrassment and turned it into one of the most entertaining things all night. If you need more proof of Steamboat’s natural talent, check this out and then the singles match he and Jericho had at Backlash. Just remarkable.

Flair charges the ring because he has to get some screen time and eats a Codebreaker. Jericho gets on the mic and brags about his victory before calling out Mickey Rourke for a fight. Rourke gets in and knocks him out (Rourke was an undefeated professional boxer so this wasn’t totally insane, even if he hadn’t boxed in 36 years. The punch missed so badly that it was laughable though.) before celebrating with Flair.

We recap the Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy. Jeff won the Smackdown World Title at Armageddon 2008 and was defending at Royal Rumble 2009 but Matt turned on his brother. It was then revealed that Matt was behind an attack on Jeff in a stairwell back in November, trying to run Jeff and his girlfriend off the road, burning him with fireworks and BURNING HIS HOUSE DOWN AND KILLING HIS DOG. Now in the real world, the attempted murder and arson would probably result in Matt going to jail (especially with a confession on film), but why do that when you can have an extreme rules match?

Side note: allegedly it was going to be the returning Christian as the attacker instead of Matt but they went with this instead. I’m thinking this wasn’t the best idea.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Extreme rules. Jeff takes him down to start and hammers away before taking it to the floor for a framed Wrestlemania poster to the face. Poetry in Motion against the barricade has Matt in even more trouble. Back in and a Poetry in Motion misses in the corner, allowing Matt time to knock Jeff out of the air with a chair to the knee. Well at least someone is trying to be violent here.

A shop vac to the head gets two on Jeff as the announcers talking about Matt not taking a phone call from his dad for four days. Again, MATT BURNED JEFF’S HOUSE DOWN AND KILLED HIS DOG! WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A PHONE CALL??? Matt bends Jeff’s back around the post before loading up a table at ringside. Jeff comes back with a running clothesline off the apron before pulling out a crutch and kendo stick for alternating shots to the back.

Now it’s time for a garbage can around Jeff’s head for a slingshot dropkick. The swanton misses but Jeff pops back up for a superplex. A chair shot puts Matt on the floor so Jeff puts him on one table, puts a chair on top of Matt, then puts another table on top of the first table, setting up a huge splash off the top.

That’s only good for two back inside and it’s time for the ladder because there had to be one of them here. Make that two ladders, with one regular sized one and one huge one. Jeff climbs the small one and jumps over the bigger one, only to miss a legdrop. Matt puts a chair around Jeff’s neck and hits a Twist of Fate for the pin at 13:15.

Rating: D+. What was that? Like, what were they going for here? Matt played his role well enough with a big spot at the end to hurt Jeff and get his moment. That’s all well and good, but what in the world was Jeff doing? Again: attempted murder, arson, burning him with fireworks and more but he’s setting up ladders for a big legdrop? This would have been good in a regular blowoff match for say, the Intercontinental Title, but it did not match the story they were going for in the slightest. Matt got the idea but Jeff was just way off.

Randy Orton stares off into the distance.

Intercontinental Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

JBL is defending and brags about returning to Texas as a conquering hero and the only champion this state has. He talks about Texas needing hope, which is where he can come in as their hero before he goes back to New York on his private plane. Mysterio is the Joker from The Dark Knight this year for a very bizarre look that seems to go over JR’s head. We actually get some big match intros and JBL kicks him in the face before the bell. Rey says start it and there’s an enziguri, a dropkick, the 619 and a springboard splash for the pin and the title at 21 seconds.

JBL is stunned and can’t speak. He finally gets it together and says he quits, which actually was his retirement. As Bradshaw said, this was the perfect way for the JBL character to go out: beaten, humiliated and leaving in a huff.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. the Undertaker. Shawn was free from JBL (after a long story where Shawn was broke and had to work for him) and decided he wanted the biggest challenge there was: the Streak. While he did respect Undertaker, he certainly didn’t fear him. The theme of the feud was light vs. darkness, featuring Shawn wearing all white and quoting from the Bible about God separating the light from the darkness. Undertaker said all of his usual stuff about the darkness and taking Shawn down with him, but you knew this was going to be special.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn’s entrance: all in white, descending down from the ceiling with a Heavenly chorus singing. Undertaker’s entrance: rising up through the floor all in black and bringing fire up from the stage. Well those work. Shawn speeds around to start and scores with some chops. Forearms in the corner just get on Undertaker’s nerves and he easily blocks a right hand before throwing Shawn over the top rope, only to have Shawn fake a knee injury to take Undertaker down with right hands. A huge backdrop sends Shawn flying as they’re still in first gear. Old School connects but Shawn avoids a running boot in the corner.

Shawn slaps on the reverse Figure Four until Undertaker powers out, only to take a dropkick to the knee. Undertaker shakes it off and comes back with right hands, followed by Snake Eyes and the big boot for two. Things start to speed up so Shawn grabs a Crossface of all things until Undertaker powers up into a side slam for two. It’s time to chop it out until Shawn scores with the forearm into the nipup.

Shawn goes up top but dives into a chokeslam, only to counter with a kick to the leg. The reverse Figure Four is countered into Hell’s Gate but Shawn is in the ropes fast enough for the save. Very good sequence there. Undertaker takes him down again but misses the apron legdrop, setting up a baseball slide from Shawn.

With Undertaker down on the floor, Shawn tries for the moonsault but Undertaker swats him away, sending Shawn down to the mat with a sick thud. The referee checks on Shawn but he says don’t stop it. As he’s down, Undertaker does the situp and tries the Taker Dive, only to leave it short and basically leave Undertaker to do a swanton out to the floor. Shawn tried to pull a cameraman into the way but he didn’t get far enough, meaning Undertaker only kind of landed on him.

Shawn drags the referee back in and demands a countout. The fans are REALLY not cool with that but Undertaker beats the count at nine and a half. Shawn’s eyes change but the chokeslam is countered with a HUGE chokeslam for two. Undertaker blocks a superkick and tries another chokeslam, only to have Shawn slap the hand away and score with a great looking Sweet Chin Music for two. Shawn nips up again so Undertaker grabs him by the throat and tries the Last Ride, counters Shawn’s counter and PLANTS HIM with the Last Ride. The fans are starting to lose their minds on these kickouts.

Undertaker goes up top (!) for the Shawn Michaels elbow (complete with the arm gesture) and only hits mat. Shawn gets sent over the top but skins the cat, only to get caught in the Tombstone for the closest two of the match. Undertaker’s look of shock as he lays on Shawn’s side makes it that much better. There go Undertaker’s straps and he tries another Tombstone, only to get countered into a tornado DDT (with Undertaker’s head hitting Shawn’s ribs but close enough).

Shawn’s top rope elbow connects for no cover before hitting Sweet Chin Music for one of the most dramatic near falls I’ve ever seen. That’s the first time I ever believed the Streak was over. It’s time for another slugout with each shot knocking both guys halfway off their feet because they’re so spent. Another Tombstone is countered and Undertaker charges into a boot to the jaw. Shawn goes up for another moonsault but gets caught in the Tombstone to FINALLY end this at 30:43.

Rating: A+. This is a match that people raved about live but then began to sour on in later years. Simply put, I’d call those people crazy. This was a WAR with both guys beating the tar out of each other and taking each other to a place that neither had ever been taken to. That sequence where they used each other to get to their feet and slugged it out near the end was everything you needed to see as they were so broken down and destroyed that they could only do the most basic moves.

The story, the build, the execution and the selling during the match made this work so perfectly. It came off like two warriors who gave everything they had for one last shot but only one of them could pull it off. On top of that you had some of the best near falls of all time with the fans eating up every single bit of it as fast as they could have. Outstanding match here and an all time great.

We recap Edge vs. Big Show vs. John Cena, which gets to follow that. Edge won the Raw World Title in the Elimination Chamber after losing the Smackdown World Title in the other Elimination Chamber earlier in the night (my go to example of how stupid having two World Titles really was). This was going to set up Edge defending the title against Big Show (who had been having an affair with Vickie Guerrero (now Edge’s wife and GM of both shows) to get into the title match) at Wrestlemania but John Cena, the former champion, wanted his rematch. The match was turned into a triple threat after Cena revealed Show and Vickie’s affair.

Vickie is wheeled to ringside.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. Big Show vs. John Cena

Edge is defending. Cena’s entrance this year is old school as an army of John Cena look-a-likes comes out to Basic Thuganomics before Cena comes out to My Time Is Now while the look-a-likes do You Can’t See Me. We get the big match intros and we’re ready to go. Cena starts fast with a bulldog to Edge and a shoulder to Big Show. Only one of these is successful and I’ll let you figure out which is which.

Show crotches Edge on the top rope and superkicks Cena to break up an AA (Attitude Adjustment instead of FU now) attempt on the champ. The big man misses a running boot though and Edge dropkicks the steps into his knees. Cena adds a dangerous top rope Fameasser to the floor to take Show down again, leaving us with Cena vs. Edge in the ring. Edge gets crotched on the top as Vickie is freaking out on the floor.

Show comes back in with a side slam to John, followed by Vickie’s nephew (and wheelchair pusher) Chavo pulling Cena to the floor. That earns him an AA before Cena goes back inside and ties Show in the ropes. Cena initiates his finishing sequence on Edge but Vickie gets out of her chair for a distraction, only to take a spear from Edge. JR: “Edge accidentally speared his wife. AGAIN!” While this is going on, Show gets annoyed at his ropes predicament. Show: “HEY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

Cena and Edge knock each other down and Show gets free, meaning it’s time for pain. Show crushes both of them in the corner but can only chokeslam Edge. Cena is the lucky one and only takes the KO Punch, which JR calls malignant. For no apparent reasons, Show goes after Edge on the floor, allowing the champion to get up and tackle Show through the barricade and into the crowd for a big crash.

Edge is up first and tries a spear on Cena, only to get caught in the STF to furious booing. Show makes the save by grabbing Cena by the throat and throwing him to the floor. A Vader Bomb to Edge only hits the mat though and now it’s Edge and Cena working together for probably the only time ever to that point. Show gets suplexed and then clotheslined out to the floor, only to have Edge kick Cena in the face for two.

The Throwback (not a Blockbuster JR) puts Edge down but Show shoves Cena off the top and into a spear. Back up and Edge tries a sleeper on Show…..until Cena PUTS THEM BOTH ON HIS SHOULDERS AT THE SAME TIME, which gets nowhere near the reaction that it should. Cena just put at minimum 700lbs on his shoulders and the fans reacted to Santina dancing better than this. Edge gets flipped first before Cena AA’s Show, followed by another one to Edge onto Show, giving Cena the pin and the title at 14:44.

Rating: B-. Considering what they had to follow and how spent the crowd was (there’s still no excuse for no selling that double AA), this couldn’t have gotten much better. The stupid love triangle didn’t help anyone because people were burned out on Vickie by this point. She was a great heel but it was pure overkill. Cena getting the title back makes sense, even if he wound up being a transitional champion before it became part of a great feud between CM Punk and Jeff Hardy. Good match here but it wasn’t as good as it could have been, at least partially due to the story.

Hall of Fame time with Steve Austin as the headliner, giving us a rare glimpse of him in a suit.

The Class of 2009 is brought out with everyone standing on their own star. We have Terry and Dory Jr. Funk, Bill Watts, Howard Finkel (imagine the stories he could tell), Koko B. Ware (the low point of the Hall of Fame), the Von Erich Family (represented by Kevin because he’s the only one left alive), Ricky Steamboat and Steve Austin. After the introductions, Austin slips away and rides back to the ring on his ATV (now in a t-shirt instead of suit) for a beer bash, including sharing one with JR. That makes this feel right.

Wrestlemania XXVI is in Phoenix.

Attendance announcement, which isn’t listed as a record.

We recap Randy Orton vs. HHH. Orton won the Royal Rumble to earn his shot at HHH, who won the title in the first Elimination Chamber. They’re treating this like a culmination of their feud that started back in 2004 so Orton attacked HHH’s family (including laying out Stephanie and kissing her while she was unconscious), which he blamed on some mental disorder (which of course he later admitted that he made up). HHH then invaded Orton’s house and threw him through a window.

So this whole feud is built on violence and HHH wanting to get his ultimate revenge. Therefore, the stipulation was that HHH could lose the title via DQ or countout. Yeah instead of a street fight or some match where you can have a ton of violence, the rules made sure that they had to tone the violence down as much as they had. Remember how screwy Jeff Hardy was in his match when he wouldn’t be violent and it didn’t make sense? Well here they’re doing the same to HHH on purpose.

HHH runs into Vince and Shane on the way to the ring. Nothing is said.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and throws his sledgehammer through a mirror for his entrance. Well it’s better than a screwed up Motorhead performance. We get a really cool visual of Orton looking up from the floor as HHH does his signature pose in the corner. In a normal situation, HHH would be on him before the big match intros can even start but he stands his ground instead. Thankfully he doesn’t start posing again.

HHH hammers away to start and the referee almost disqualifies him for not breaking. The RKO hits the distracted champion less than two minutes in but instead of covering, Orton loads up the Punt. HHH moves away and scores with a Pedigree maybe two and a half minutes in and both guys are already down. Out to the floor so HHH can steal someone’s water to revive himself and post Orton.

Back in and Randy’s begging off doesn’t work and HHH starts driving knees into the back of Orton’s head. They head outside again with HHH being sent into the steps as this continues to be more like some weird performance art instead of a match. It’s almost like they’re trying to do a street fight without weapons because SOMEONE SCREWED THE MATCH UP WITH A STUPID RULE!

The champ gets thrown over the barricade but is still able to beat the count. At least Orton is getting smart and trying to win by countout. If only he had hit his finisher out of nowhere earlier and had the chance for a pin. Now it’s Orton dropping knees of his own until HHH grabs a belly to back suplex. Orton comes back with a powerslam and chinlock to slow things down even more.

HHH fights up (because it’s a chinlock about than ten minutes in) and scores with the high knee, only to have the Pedigree countered into a catapult into the buckle. Another Pedigree is countered into a rollup for two before HHH grabs a rollup for his own near fall. FEEL THE HATRED! The spinebuster is a bit more like it but Orton countered ANOTHER Pedigree attempt (come on dude you know more moves than that) into the backbreaker for two. Back up and HHH heads to the top so Orton can dropkick him out of the air.

Another Punt is blocked and HHH shoves him out to the floor. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table as the referee reminds him of the DQ rule. You know, because EVERY main event has a DQ when someone uses weapons. HHH doesn’t hit him in the head with a monitor but instead tries a Pedigree which is countered into a backdrop onto the table. So where’s Orton’s threat of DQ? The elevated DDT on the floor knocks HHH silly but he gets back in at nine again.

Back in again and Orton stomps away in the corner, making Lawler ask why the referee isn’t threatening a DQ. See, Lawler gets it. Orton whips HHH into the referee before hitting the RKO but let’s bring in a sledgehammer. You knew that was coming at some point because these two love symbolism. Orton takes his time getting back in though and HHH Punts him (JR said it was THUNDEROUS so you know he’s serious). The sledgehammer hits Orton in the jaw and HHH hits some big right hands, followed by another Pedigree to retain at 23:35.

Rating: D. Oh wow did they miss here. As I said roughly 19 times, this should have been a violent street fight instead of trying to have a match where the rules didn’t make a ton of sense in the first place. They spent most of the match building up the Pedigree…..which HHH already hit about a minute in to make that story even more head scratching.

This felt like HHH and Orton trying to go out and have some big epic moment, which is the main reason this failed. Well aside from the rules not fitting the story. It felt like they were forcing this to be something it wasn’t. On top of that it doesn’t help that Orton and HHH really don’t have the main event chemistry that you would expect them to have. You would think they would have learned that after their four pay per view matches in 2008 and before the three more they had after this in 2009. Bad match and a HORRIBLE main event.

HHH stands over him as the great conqueror.

The highlight package returns after a one year hiatus.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a really hard one to pin down as it’s trying to balance the really good vs. the really bad. The extreme rules match, the battle royal, the Kid Rock stuff and the main event are a bit heavier than Money in the Bank, the triple threat, Steamboat and Undertaker vs. Shawn. The problem is, aside from Shawn vs. Undertaker, the good stuff is only pretty good but the bad is REALLY bad.

Now that being said, this show is much better than what a lot of people remember it as. That main event is indeed horrible, but Shawn vs. Undertaker balances it out with room to spare. Unfortunately, people remember Orton vs. HHH and the Kid Rock performance more than they remember the other good stuff on the show.

The best thing this show could have done is swap the main events. I know you want to end on a title match, but they had to know that Shawn vs. Undertaker was going to be impossible to top. The story was much stronger there anyway and if that’s how you end it, the memories of this show are so much more positive. There are way worse Wrestlemanias out there, but few that are more disappointing than this one through a lot of weird decisions.

Ratings Comparison

Finlay vs. Christian vs. CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Kane

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Divas Battle Royal

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: F-

Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat vs. Chris Jericho

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: C

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: D+

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

John Cena vs. Edge vs. Big Show

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Randy Orton vs. HHH

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

I might have been trying to make up for lost ratings.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/01/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-25-oh-dear-oh-dear-indeed/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/03/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxv-the-difference-between-live-and-later/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXIII
Date: April 1, 2007
Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 80,103
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

It’s the biggest night of the year and this time the show does indeed feel big. You can feel how things have been going strong on the way here and I want to see how it goes. That takes some work when I have already seen the show multiple times. It is a stacked card and the biggest is Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga in the Battle of the Billionaires, which is really Donald Trump vs. Vince McMahon. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, let’s do the pre-show match for a bonus.

Pre-Show: Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

This is a lumberjack match to get more people in front of the crowd. The entrance is a little weird here as there is a huge curtain in front of the set, which does make this feel like a bonus. Flair and Helms start things off with Helms taking him into the corner for a slap to the face. A hiptoss into some chops slow Helms down and it’s Carlito coming in to knee lift Chavo.

Carlito dropkicks Chavo off the apron to little avail but Helms kicks Carlito off the apron to take over. Back in and Chavo belly to back suplexes him into a chinlock but Carlito fights up in a hurry. The hot tag brings in Flair to clean house as everything breaks down. Helms breaks up the Figure Four but Chavo misses the frog splash. Guerrero is back up and tries the Three Amigos but Carlito escapes and hits the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing but a standard Raw match here (if you ignore the Smackdown wrestlers involved) and that is perfectly fine for the spot they were in. This was about warming the crowd up and having Flair out there is going to do that just fine. Sometimes you need someone to set the stage for later and these four did it just fine in a very simple tag match.

The opening video looks at a history of the show, including some major moments. We also get a special look at Wrestlemania III, with the famous Vince McMahon introduction swinging into this year’s America the Beautiful, once again sung by Aretha Franklin.

We go to the regular opening video, featuring a bunch of wrestlers talking about how they have always dreamed of being here as children. Now they are all grown up and it is time to take the stage themselves. This campaign has grown on me a lot over the years and I like it a good bit more than I used to.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. King Booker vs. Finlay vs. Randy Orton vs. Mr. Kennedy

Money in the Bank as they’re starting big this year. Everyone looks up at the briefcase to start and then it’s already time to head outside for the fight. It’s a brawl to start and Finlay dives off the top onto almost everyone else. Matt has to cut off Edge’s climb, leaving Orton and Finlay to climb the ladder to no avail. Booker goes to pull out another ladder but finds Hornswoggle’s stepladder instead, allowing Punk to knock him down.

Edge bridges a ladder between the apron and the barricade but Booker starts cleaning house. There’s the Spanarooni, only to have the Hardys run Booker over with ladders. For some reason Finlay saves Edge from the see saw ladder treatment and Edge suplexes Matt onto the ladder. Kennedy’s Kenton Bomb onto hits ladder (with Kennedy landing HARD on the back of his head) and it’s a Hardy slugout on top of the ladder.

Finlay breaks that up but gets speared down by Edge. More spears drop just about everyone else but Punk wraps the ladder around his head to knock out various people. Edge slides in the big ladder and climbs, at least until Orton shoves him over the top and out to the floor. Matt lays Edge over the bridged ladder and Jeff dives onto him, breaking the ladder to get rid of both of them. Both guys are taken out on stretchers and we’re down to a six way.

Now it’s time for the parade of RKOs and Orton climbs, despite not being underneath the briefcase. Punk breaks that up and climbs as well, only to get taken down with a super RKO for the huge spot. Booker grabs the Book End and goes up but Matt is there to catch him. Cue Queen Sharmell to grab Matt’s leg but Booker gets distracted by Matt and walks into the Twist of Fate.

Finlay gives Matt a Celtic Cross onto the ladder, busting himself open in the process. Now it’s Hornswoggle going up the ladder until Kennedy catches him for a super Regal Roll off the ladder. Punk dropkicks the ladder down to cut Finlay off and it’s Punk vs. Kennedy on top of the ladder. Kennedy gets knocked down but comes back up and kicks Punk down, allowing him to grab the briefcase for the win.

Rating: B. I never know how to rate these things but it was another blast with everyone flying around and having one crash after another. This was a lot of fun and one of the right people won, which is what matters the most in a match like Money in the Bank. Everyone got a chance to shine here, even in a complete car crash match like this one. Rather fun opener.

We look at the premiere of the Condemned. It wasn’t that good.

Mr. Kennedy congratulates himself and says any champion needs to have eyes in the back of his head because he’s coming with the briefcase.

Batista is All Grown Up.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Interpromotional battle of the monsters, though Kane doesn’t even have his big hook here. Khali shoves him down to start and adds a shoulder to drop Kane again. There’s a clothesline to set up a slam as it’s all Khali so far. The nerve hold doesn’t last long so Khali starts stomping away in the corner as JR gets in the bowling shoe line. Kane is back with some right hands and the top rope clothesline, which doesn’t knock Khali down.

Instead, Kane knocks him into the ropes for the tie up and NOW it’s time for the big hook. That takes too long though and the slugout is on with Khali getting the better of things. Khali rips the turnbuckle pad off but Kane gets in a low blow into the slam (for the Hogan/Andre callback). It’s just a slam though so Khali is back up with the double chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting here? They had five minutes and the whole thing was about making Khali look like a monster. The hook never meant anything (as it would have killed Khali) but the slam was a cool moment. Sometimes you need a bit of a cool down match and that’s what you got here after the crazy opener.

The Divas are All Grown Up.

Cryme Tyme try to cheer Eugene up so here is Extreme Expose for the dancing. Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come up in the same outfits to dance but Slick (get him in the Hall of Fame already) comes in to show them up. Dusty Rhodes, IRS, Jimmy Hart, Gerald Brisco (in a suit of course) and finally Ricky Steamboat come in. Say it with me: Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

US Title: MVP vs. Chris Benoit

MVP is challenging and has his own cheerleaders for some Wrestlemania flavor. Benoit drives him into the corner to start and grabs a headscissors on the mat. That’s reversed into a headlock as they’re going technical early on. MVP has to block the German suplex and the Crossface but Benoit sends him outside. Back in and MVP has to go to the rope to break up another Crossface attempt, which has Cole impressed. With the holds not working, Benoit chops him into the corner and loads MVP up on top, only to get knocked back down.

MVP starts in on the arm, including with some kicks and driving shoulders. The confidence gets a bit too high though as Benoit snaps off the rolling German suplex. It’s too early for the Swan Dive though and MVP catches him on top with a superplex. MVP stays on the shoulder by sending it into the post and a belly to back suplex onto the arm gets two. We hit the armbar for a bit but Benoit pops up and snaps on the Crossface. The bar arm gives out though and MVP plants him with a slam. Ballin gets two but the running boot misses in the corner. Benoit rolls more German suplexes and the Swan Dive retains the title clean.

Rating: C+. This was always a weird one for me as they set up MVP to win the title but then Benoit just retains clean. I’m still not sure what the point of this one was other than to give us a surprise. The match itself was like a good Smackdown match so it isn’t out of place, but this felt like a curve ball for the sake of a curve ball, as it isn’t like Benoit is some kind of amazing champion.

Donald Trump is in on the phone in his dressing room and complaining about things. Boogeyman comes in and Trump no sells it, asking for some food.

Undertaker is All Grown Up.

We look at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from last night. William Shatner still seems to have almost no idea who Jerry Lawler is.

Official attendance: 80,103.

Howard Finkel introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2007 (I still love that song):

Jim Ross (quite the reaction)
Curt Hennig (represented by family)
Jerry Lawler (also quite the reaction)
Nick Bockwinkel (Fans don’t seem to know him, but is this guy ever not impeccably dressed?)
Mr. Fuji (I would never have recognized him, though it’s Don Muraco of all people wheeling him out)
The Wild Samoans (Not much of a reaction but how were they not in already?)
The Original Sheik (represented by his wife)
Dusty Rhodes (your headliner)

We get a fan poll on Undertaker vs. Batista, with Undertaker winning 82%-18%. That’s a heck of a squash.

We recap Undertaker vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble to earn the shot and Batista is all BRING IT ON as we have the monster fight for the title. This feels like a Wrestlemania World Title match and that’s kind of a hard trick to pull off.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging and Teddy Long handles the introductions for a bit of a weird moment. We get the full druid entrance for Undertaker, which will never stop being awesome. Batista spears him down at the bell and it’s time to trade right hands in the corner. It’s actually Batista getting the better of things and the fans are not too thrilled with that. Undertaker pulls him outside for a ram into the apron but Batista is right back for a hard whip into the steps.

Back in and Batista nails a top rope shoulder (dang) for two and a heck of a clothesline cuts Undertaker off again. Undertaker slugs back from his knees and punches Batista into the corner for the running clotheslines. Snake Eyes into the big boot sets up the legdrop for two as we’re back to mostly even. Old School looks to set up the chokeslam but Batista powers out and knocks Undertaker down.

Undertaker doesn’t seem to mind as he sends Batista to the apron for the legdrop. There’s the Taker Dive and they’re both down on the floor. Back up and Batista drives him HARD through the barricade and hammers away as things have cranked up in a hurry. The announcers’ table is loaded up and a running powerslam drives Undertaker through it for the big crash. That’s only good for two back inside so Batista punches away even more.

The Batista Bomb is broken up with a drive into the corner but Batista is right back….with right hands from the middle rope. I guess HHH didn’t teach him that one and it’s the Last Ride for two. The frustrated Undertaker gets caught in a spinebuster but pops back up with a chokeslam for two. Batista slips out of the chokeslam and hits the spear into the Batista Bomb for two as the fans are WAY into these near falls. Undertaker backdrops his way out of another Batista Bomb and sends Batista into the corner. The Tombstone is enough to give Undertaker the pin and the title.

Rating: A-. This felt like a Wrestlemania level title match between two monsters. These two beat the fire out of each other and didn’t bother with anything other than the big power moves. They were trading bombs throughout the whole match and it was a question of who would survive, which made the whole thing world. It helps when Undertaker was motivated by being put in the middle of the card and cranked it up a notch, as both guys felt like they were on another level here.

Bobby Lashley is All Grown Up.

Stephanie McMahon brings her daughter in to meet Vince McMahon and we get the baby carriage cam, with Vince talking trash about Donald Trump. Jokes about a smell, at Trump’s expense, ensue.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed

That would be Sandman/Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Tommy Dreamer vs. Elijah Burke/Marcus Cor Von/Kevin Thorn/Matt Striker, with Ariel in the New Breed’s corner. The Originals come through the crowd for a nice bit of flavor. Sabu starts fast with the springboard elbow and body block to drop Striker. Sandman comes in so Cor Von makes a fast save and stays to beat on Dreamer. A hard elbow drops Dreamer and it’s Burke coming in for the Elijah Express.

The mocking of Dreamer’s pose delays the near fall and it’s Thorn coming in for a chinlock. A spinebuster gives Thorn two with Sabu making a save of his own. Cor Von’s chinlock stays on Dreamer’s back but he lets go to knock Sandman off the apron. A neckbreaker gets Dreamer out of trouble and, after kicking Burke away, it’s a hot tag to bring in Van Dam. House is cleaned, including the monkey flip and Rolling Thunder to Striker. Everything breaks down and Dreamer DDTs Striker as Sandman runs over people on the floor. The Five Star gives Van Dam the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t a good match or really anything close, but what matters here was giving ECW ANYTHING to do on the show. They didn’t need to do anything more than the basics here and Van Dam winning is a perfect way to go. You can all but guarantee that this feud isn’t over, especially with an Extreme Rules rematch out there.

Steve Austin is All Grown Up.

Wrestlemania XXIV is in Orlando.

We recap the Battle of the Billionaires, which is more about asking celebrities who they want to see bald. To keep it simple, Donald Trump and Vince McMahon got in a stupid argument over who is richer/invented YOU’RE FIRED/walks funnier so it’s time for a match between their handpicked representatives with the billionaires’ hair on the line. Throw in Steve Austin as referee and it’s the real Wrestlemania main event.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

Non-title, Donald Trump and Vince McMahon are both here, with Steve Austin as guest referee and Armando Alejandro Estrada in Umaga’s corner. Everything, including the barber’s chair, gets its own entrance (JR: “All we need now is a barbershop quartet.”). They stare at each other before colliding, with Lashley driving him into the corner. Austin pulls Lashley away because Umaga is in the ropes so Lashley goes up for a middle rope clothesline.

Estrada puts Umaga’s foot on the rope so Lashley powerslams Estrada and sends him outside. A low bridge puts Umaga on the floor as well but Lashley misses a charge to send himself flying outside as well. Back in and Umaga gets two off a splash and it’s time to choke on the ropes. Austin doesn’t like that either and breaks it up, just to keep things even. The near explosion lets Lashley elbow Umaga in the face but Umaga runs him over again.

Some sitting down onto Lashley’s chest sets up a Samoan drop and Trump….looks about the same as he has all match. Lashley knocks Vince off the apron but Umaga is right back with a Downward Spiral. A trip up top takes too long as Lashley slams Umaga off the top for a double nine count, though Austin just won’t count the ten. Cue Shane McMahon to help Vince up as Umaga uppercuts Lashley down to cut him off again. Austin goes after Umaga’s eye to break up the choking so Shane offers a distraction, allowing Umaga to Samoan Spike Austin to the floor.

The double beating is on and Shane, after pointing at Trump (who points back), hits the Coast To Coast. Shane has a referee shirt (because of course he does) and Umaga’s top rope splash connects. Austin is back up to pull Shane to the floor and take him out (Trump, sounding calm: “What’s going on over here?”). Umaga drops Austin again but Trump clotheslines Vince (there’s your entertainment show highlight), leaving Austin to Stun Umaga. The spear gives Lashley the pin.

Rating: C. I don’t think anyone was expecting some kind of amazing match here and that’s not what you got. Instead, this was the crazy brawl surrounding the not very great power match. They kept this relatively short too, as there was no need to stretch this out any longer than needed. There was no way Trump was getting his head shaved so just get to the good stuff, which they did.

Post match Austin drags Vince inside for the shaving, but has to beat up Shane first. Vince tries to escape but Lashley chases him down without much trouble and drags him back to the ring. Back in and Vince bumps into Austin (as identified with a rub of the bald head), meaning it’s a Stunner to get Vince in the chair. The shaving is on (with Austin holding Vince for old times sake), even as Vince screams to not do this to him. JR: “It was Mr. McMahon’s real hair all along!”

They even whip out the shaving cream and razors to REALLY shave it off. JR: “Wrestlemania XXIII may be all grown up, but Mr. McMahon’s hair is all shaved off.” Vince looks eerily calm but then loses it all over again when Lashley holds up the mirror. As usual, Vince will do anything asked of him to make a moment like this. Beer is consumed and Austin Stuns Trump (the worst of all time, but he tried) to wrap it up.

John Cena is All Grown Up.

We look at the pre-show match as the ring is cleared out.

Commentary recaps the night so far.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Ashley

Melina is defending and it’s a lumberjill match, with all of the lumberjills being named during the group entrance. Melina starts fast with the boot choke in the corner as JBL says the women look good enough to even impress Cole. Ashley gets knocked into a short giant swing and it’s off to a double arm crank with Melina’s boots in Ashley’s back. The comeback is on with Ashley whipping her into the corner and grabbing a monkey flip. Starstruck (middle rope elbow) misses though and Melina grabs a bridging cradle to retain.

Rating: D. Did you expect anything else? Ashley isn’t a wrestler and Melina isn’t good enough to carry her to anything great. They were very smart to keep this short as there was no way they could do anything long term here. Ashley did as much as she could, but this was nothing more than a way to promote her Playboy, as is the tradition for this spot.

Post match the big brawl is on and the good ones clean house in a hurry.

Shawn Michaels is All Grown Up.

John Cena beats Shawn Michaels in another fan poll 59%-41%.

We recap John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels for the Raw World Title. Michaels won a triple threat match to earn the spot and has since decided that he wanted to protect Cena until Wrestlemania. They wound up winning the Tag Team Titles but Shawn finally superkicked Cena, as is his nature, on the final Raw before Wrestlemania. Cena winning seems likely, but it’s Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania, and that is always going to give him a shot.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is challenging and comes out to the DX theme, which still doesn’t feel quite right. You would think his already iconic theme song would work, though he’s pretty famous for this song too. Cena’s big Wrestlemania entrance this year involves driving a Ford Mustang into the arena, right through a glass wall. They happen to be Tag Team Champions as well but it doesn’t mean as much here.

Shawn sits on the top turnbuckle as we’re ready to go. After hopping down, Shawn tells Cena to bring it and finally slaps him in the face to pick up the pace in a hurry. Cena gets knocked down into the corner and that means a crotch chop from Shawn. A backflip gets Shawn out of a belly to back suplex and Cena is frustrated early on. Shawn headlock takeovers him down and then does it again for a bonus. Back up and Cena cuts him down with a clothesline as the fans are firmly behind Shawn here.

Shawn enziguris him to the floor, setting up the springboard moonsault onto Cena onto the announcers’ table for the really nasty crash. Back in and Shawn goes for the leg, including stomping it down and wrapping it around the post. More stomping has the referee asking if Cena can continue and Shawn bends the knee around the rope. Shawn chops away so Cena punches him in the face for a simple yet effective counter.

A missed charge sends Shawn hard into the post and he’s busted open (thanks to one of those lightning quick blade jobs). Cena starts the comeback, including the ProtoBomb and Shuffle, but Shawn slips out of the FU. A quick Sweet Chin Music hits the referee by mistake (it seems early for that) and the FU is countered into a DDT to put them both down. With no referee, Shawn takes Cena outside for a piledriver onto the steps. Cena is busted as well as Shawn pulls him back inside, where a second referee comes in for the near fall.

The forearm sets up the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music is cut off with a hard clothesline. They’re both down again (as you might have guessed) for a bit before it’s time for the big slugout. The FU is countered into a sunset flip to give Shawn two but the next attempt connects. Cena can’t cover at first so it’s a very delayed near fall. Shawn breaks up the super FU and tries the superkick but has to counter the STFU (over and over) before getting two off a small package.

Cena is back with the STFU but Shawn realizes he is about a foot away from the rope and they’re out again. Back up and Shawn hits a quick Sweet Chin Music for a delayed near fall of his own. They pull themselves up and Cena snaps him right back into the STFU to make Shawn tap and retain the title.

Rating: A-. This felt like a Wrestlemania main event and that shouldn’t surprise anyone. They went with the epic match here and by the end, it felt like either of them could pull this off. It made everything feel that much better and it felt like an incredible main event. Again, I’m not sure how much drama there was over who was going to win here, but they still had an outstanding match with Shawn making Cena look like a killer and Cena hanging with Shawn well enough to feel like the biggest star in the company when he retained the title.

Shawn walks away post match, but Cena offer the salute.

The Ladies And Gentlemen highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B. The big matches delivered and the bad stuff was mostly short. While it isn’t quite a classic, this is firmly in the higher tier of Wrestlemanias. What mattered here was the feeling, as you had a pair of great World Title matches, Money in the Bank delivering, and the big song and dance match with the Battle of the Billionaires. The rest of the show was watchable at worst and as a result, it felt like a Wrestlemania. That’s more than you could say about last year’s edition so they are trending in the right direction.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 8, 2007
Location: Van Andel Arena, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Mercy and Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, having been awarded, losing and regaining the title in quite the rollercoaster of a night. Orton is going to need a new challenger now and that means we might be in for something interesting this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going. He brags about living up to his word last night, when he guaranteed a new WWE Champion and a WWE Championship match. Well we had three WWE Championship matches and history was made. We get a package on the HHH vs. Randy Orton title matches (Umaga is omitted, which makes sense for Vince) before Vince guarantees that history be made again tonight. Every wrestler is going to come out here and shake Orton’s hand to wish him well. The next title defense will take place at Cyber Sunday, with Vince explaining the concept.

Cue HHH to interrupt and to tell Vince to shut up. These fans don’t care about Cyber Sunday because they care about tonight. That’s why HHH is invoking his rematch clause and he wants Orton this week. Vince advises him against it but says sure he can have his rematch….but we’ll throw in Umaga as Orton’s partner in a handicap match.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle/Maria

Maria takes Melina into the corner so Mickie can start working on the arm. A missed charge in the corner lets Melina get in a shot of her own though and it’s Beth coming in to throw Mickie around. Melina comes back in for a chinlock before handing it off to Jillian. Mickie kicks both of them away and the hot tag brings in Candice to clean house. Everything breaks down and Candice reverses a handspring elbow into a victory roll to finish Jillian.

Rating: C-. This was a way to rebuild Candice after her loss last night but it is pretty clear that her time as a serious title contender is over. Phoenix is a new breed of champion and she is going to need a more serious challenger. Out of the people here, that would pretty much just be Mickie, but for now it seems like we have to get Candice’s rematch out of the way.

William Regal has brought in some new stuff to spruce up Coach’s office, but Coach says that Elton John and George Michael are “queens” just like Elizabeth. Regal’s eyes are bugging out of his head but Vince McMahon comes in to say it’s ok. The two of them are supposed to keep an eye on Hornswoggle but they’re not sure where he is.

Video on last week’s Cyber Sunday.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Fallout from Venis mocking Santino last week. Hold on though as Santino drops to the floor and says he can’t wrestle, but he has a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Snitsky goes straight to Venis’ bad knee and kicks at it in the corner before dropping a knee on the knee. A clothesline sets up the pumphandle powerslam to finish Venis fast.

Evander Holyfield is fighting on Saturday so here’s what he did on Saturday Night’s Main Event a few months back.

SAVE US!

John Cena joins us via satellite from Florida and says that he will be out of action 7-12 months. Lawler suggests Cena is glad he didn’t have to fight Randy Orton last night so Cena makes a Cleveland Indians joke, because he’s that horrible of a person. Cena is looking forward to seeing Orton have to shake everyone’s hands tonight and he’ll be back soon.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title, though I thought this was HHH’s official rematch. The villains don’t have to tag here but HHH manages to send Umaga outside. A DDT plants Orton but Umaga gets him outside and starts hammering away. Back in and the double stomping is on as HHH’s banged up ribs get banged up even more. A dropkick puts HHH down and Umaga gets to stay on the ribs. HHH fights up and tries a fast Pedigree on Orton but has to send Umaga into the post. The spinebuster drops Orton but Umaga comes back in with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were working while it lasted but it didn’t last long. HHH gets screwed over and likely gets to continue his feud with Umaga, which does make sense as HHH was a last minute replacement opponent for Orton. It’s not like they have any current issues so let HHH destroy Umaga again in some kind of a brawl at Cyber Sunday while Orton fights….someone.

Post match Orton hits the RKO on HHH and Umaga crushes him even more, including the Samoan Spike. Referees have to help get HHH out but he shoves them away….and falls down.

Post break and HHH is still being helped out. That’s a pretty big injury angle.

In the back, Vince McMahon tells HHH that he has to be first to shake Randy Orton’s hand.

Highlanders vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

The highlanders are sent outside to start and taken down by a double dive as JR says London and Kendrick were Smackdown Tag Team Champions for well over a year. Well over, not quite over, same thing. Back in and London has to fight out of a chinlock, allowing the hot tag to Kendrick so house can be cleaned. Rory makes a save so London takes him to the floor, leaving Robbie to avoid a charge in the corner. A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Robbie the fast pin as the heel turn is on. Not likely to go anywhere, but it’s on.

The Diva Search girls had some rapid fire questions. Next week: search and rescue.

Coach can’t find Hornswoggle.

Lilian Garcia sings the title track from her Quiero Vivir album. After the song, Santino Marella comes in, praises “Jillian’s” song, and proceeds to sing his own song about how Steve Austin can’t act. Apparently this is set to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Kennedy works on a headlock to start but Hardy runs him over with a shoulder. A flipping legdrop misses though and Kennedy gets two off a northern lights suplex. Jeff knocks him to the floor though and there’s a ram into the apron to make it worse. A missed dive only hits barricade though and we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a half crab but Hardy fights out and goes up top. Kennedy breaks that up with a dropkick and we’re right back to the half crab. With that broken up, Hardy kicks off a Figure Four attempt so Kennedy chop blocks him back down. The knee is fine enough to hit the running sleeper drop but Kennedy’s rollup, with feet on the ropes, gets two. Hardy is back with the sitout gordbuster but the Swanton misses. Kennedy goes for a lazy cover, which is countered into a crucifix to give Hardy the pin.

Rating: C+. This was the best and longest match on the show, which shouldn’t be a surprise given that the talent was there too. I’m not sure I get why Hardy is pinning Kennedy if he is going to be the next challenger, but I’ll take some slightly sketchy logic over the champion losing. Or maybe they go in a different direction than Kennedy as the challenger, which may be the case for Cyber Sunday.

Vince McMahon tells William Regal to have everyone at ringside, including Hornswoggle. Regal says Hornswoggle is having a nap but Coach comes in to say he can’t find Hornswoggle anywhere. Then Hornswoggle pops up out of a trunk, seemingly having just woken up. Regal and Vince leave so Hornswoggle beats up Coach.

The roster is on the stage, with Vince McMahon in the ring to tell them all to show respect to Randy Orton. Cue Orton to stand on a platform in the ring, where he says no one deserves to be champion more than him. He is perfect at everything he does and he sees a lot of jealous faces on the stage. This dynasty has only just begun and he will be WWE Champion for a long time to come.

Now HHH needs to get down here and say “good luck champ”….but there is no HHH. Vince demand that HHH come out here right now but instead, Orton is sent to go get him. Orton goes to get him….and it’s Shawn Michaels, looking far more grizzled than before (the cowboy hat looks thinner). The fight is on, with Shawn taking Orton down and then hitting Sweet Chin Music. Shawn is rather fired up and glares at Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Shawn’s return at the end was good and gives them a fresh main event that can get Orton over harder as the new champion. Other than that though, it seems that they are still trying to figure out what to do with Cena gone, which is going to take some time. The wrestling wasn’t very good for the most part and I’m not sure how well the angles are going to go with Cyber Sunday being such a wild card. Not the most thrilling show here, though it’s good to have Shawn back.

 

 

 

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No Mercy 2007
Date: October 7, 2007
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s time for a special show as John Cena is no longer the WWE Champion due to suffering an injury on Raw. Therefore we are guaranteed a new champion, though it is not clear how the title will be decided. Other than that, the Smackdown side features Batista defending the World Title against Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the story of Noah, including sending out a dove, which led to Noah and his family being shown mercy. That won’t be the case tonight, as we will have a new WWE Champion.

Here are Vince McMahon and William Regal with the WWE Title underneath a covering in the ring. McMahon recaps John Cena’s injury (the fans don’t seem crushed) and promises that we will see a WWE Title match right here tonight. Vince talks about giving the fans the power and what they want, which leads to a big Y2J chant. Vince: “I’m not going to give you that!” Instead, he gives us the new WWE Champion: Randy Orton!

We get a long celebration from Orton, who still has to defend the title tonight. Regal even lets him pick his own opponent (Fans: “Y2J!”), so Orton makes it clear that he will NOT be facing Cena tonight (the fans approve). Orton talks about all the people he has put on the shelf and says there is no one that comes close to him.

Cue HHH in his gear and the fans approve of this one. HHH issues the challenge but Orton says no, with HHH thinking that’s a good idea. Orton wouldn’t want his second World Title reign to be shorter than his first. The fans seem to want HHH to get the show, so he goads Vince about it a bit and asks if Orton is scared. HHH accuses Vince of being scared and having no guts, or perhaps even any grapefruits. That’s finally enough to get the match so let’s do it right now.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is defending and a Vince distraction lets him jump HHH at the bell. An elbow to the face sends Orton outside but HHH isn’t going to let him walk out. Back in and Orton gets to stomp away but HHH nails the running knee. Orton’s backbreaker gives him his own two and it’s time to hammer away on the mat as this is pretty basic offense so far.

The powerslam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock. HHH fights up again and hits a heck of a running clothesline, followed by an even bigger superplex for two. The spinebuster gets two more and HHH throws him outside, only to get caught with the hanging DDT on the way back in.

The RKO is countered but so is the Pedigree, leaving them both needing a breather. Orton misses the knee drop so HHH grabs a Figure Four, sending Orton straight to the ropes. Back up and Orton sends him to the floor so HHH comes in off the top, only to get pulled back down. Orton misses a charge into the post though and HHH grabs a rollup to give him the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. Yeah it’s hot shotting the title change but this is a bit of a special circumstance. HHH winning the title is a nice feel good moment as he is the undisputed top good guy on the roster right now. Let the fans have their nice moment to get them over Cena, even if it means that Orton had the title for about twenty minutes. Good match too, as evil Orton vs. heroic HHH hadn’t been done very often at this point.

HHH celebrates for a pretty long time.

Orton runs into Vince McMahon backstage and the boss walks away without saying a word.

Jeff Hardy/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

Bonus match, with Cade and Murdoch introducing Kennedy as their surprise partner. Cade and Kendrick start things off with Kendrick hitting a running crossbody. London comes in with a sunset flip for two and it’s off to Murdoch, who gets headlocked over almost immediately. Jeff uses London as Matt in Poetry in Motion but the sitout jawbreaker is shrugged off.

That lets Kennedy come in to stomp away but Jeff shrugs it off and hands it back to Kendrick. Cade gets forearmed and dropkicked, only to have Murdoch low bridge Kendrick to the floor. Murdoch gets dropped onto Kendrick for a legdrop and some knee drops make it worse. That lets Kennedy choke away in the corner and the cravate goes on. With that not getting him very far, it’s back to Cade, whose superplex attempt is cut off.

Instead, Kendrick comes back with a flying DDT and a VERY diving tag brings in Jeff to start cleaning house. The sitout gordbuster is dropped and Murdoch lands on his face but Hardy goes up for the Swanton anyway. Cade makes the save as everything breaks down, leaving Kennedy to hit the Green Bay Plunge to finish London.

Rating: C+. I can always go for the idea of throwing six people into one match and letting them do their thing like this. You can probably pencil in Kennedy as Hardy’s next Intercontinental Title challenger and that is the kind of place that would suit him well. Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick is a pairing that always works well enough so this was a fine use of pay per view time, especially for something unadvertised.

HHH and Batista admire their titles but HHH bumps into Vince McMahon. Vince doesn’t like to let his fans down, so HHH vs. Umaga is still on and the title is on the line.

ECW World Title: Big Daddy V vs. CM Punk

V, with Matt Striker, is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match against Tommy Dreamer, who was already the #1 contender. An early lockup goes badly for Punk as V shoves him outside. Back in and V mounts him for some shots to the face but Punk is back up with some kicks and forearms. V misses a charge into the corner though and Punk hits a missile dropkick, only to have Striker come in for the fast DQ.

Post match V destroys Punk with a Samoan drop and a bunch of elbow drops. V leaves and Punk has to be helped out of the ring as this will continue.

Long recap of MVP and Matt Hardy’s various sports contests over the last ten (egads) weeks.

And now, a pizza eating contest, as hosted by Taz and scored by Maria and Melina. After some long entrances, MVP complains about eating this many calories, like so many people from Chicago clearly are. Maria says she’s from Chicago, so is she fat? MVP says deep dish pizza doesn’t help your IQ, so he and Matt get into it over all of these competitions again. They finally sit down and have two minutes to eat the most slices, with the women keeping score. After two minutes, Matt somehow wins 2-0 and then vomits on MVP. This was longer than any match on the show so far.

We recap HHH vs. Umaga, which stems from HHH mocking Vince McMahon for being Hornswoggle’s father. Vince brought Umaga back and sent him after HHH, setting up this match. Thanks to HHH winning the title earlier tonight, it is now a title match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH is defending and they go right to the slugout to start. A DDT has no effect on Umaga so HHH low bridges him out to the floor. HHH’s ram into the steps has no effect so HHH gets sent into them for some more impact. Back in and Umaga hits a superkick before sitting down on his chest. The middle rope headbutt misses though and HHH is back with the facebuster, again to no avail. The Samoan Spike is countered into a Pedigree attempt, which is countered as well.

HHH pops back up with a spinebuster but another Pedigree attempt is countered into the Samoan drop. They head outside with HHH being sent ribs first into the apron, followed by the bearhug inside. Even wild Samoans have psychology. Umaga’s swinging Rock Bottom gets two more and Umaga stays on the ribs. The running hip attack misses though and so does a charge into the post. That’s enough to set up the Pedigree to retain HHH’s title.

Rating: C+. This felt like the match before intermission at a house show as they ran through it rather quickly, which is understandable as it’s HHH’s second match of the night. Umaga wasn’t going to win the title and they weren’t going to give him a big win so soon after he was back from a major suspension, but he is fine as a dragon for HHH to slay.

SAVE US video.

We look at the Punjabi Prison.

Great Khali is meditating and Runjin Singh talks about the evil that Khali is channeling for this match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

Finlay isn’t having this wristlock stuff to start and uppercuts Rey up against the ropes. A crossbody gets Rey out of trouble though and he hammers away in the corner to stagger Finlay for a change. Rey sends him outside but the baseball slid gets him caught in the ring skirt so the beating can be on again. Back in and Rey gets sent into the post, setting up the Fujiwara armbar.

A very hard clothesline takes Rey down again and Finlay grabs a hammerlock. Rey gets back up and sends him into the corner for the break, followed by another crossbody for another two. The springboard seated senton into a basement dropkick gets two but the 619 is cut off with another clothesline.

With the usual stuff not working, Finlay pulls off the turnbuckle pad. That’s a bit too obvious so Finlay grabs the Shillelagh, only to get hurricanranaed into the ropes. Finlay ducks the 619 (that’s a smart one) but Rey hits a top rope Fameasser instead, knocking Finlay off the apron straight onto the floor with a loud THUD. That looked horrible and the sound was even worse. It’s so bad that Finlay is out cold and the match is stopped as he is taken out on a stretcher.

Rating: C. There is always room for someone like Finlay against a fan favorite like Rey, though that ending is a rough thing to see. It’s always weird to rate a match that ends without a winner like this, but it was about what you would expect from these two. I could go with another from them when they get the chance to wrap it up properly.

Post match Finlay jumps off the stretcher and destroys Rey. That one got me so nicely done.

HHH is in the trainer’s room getting his ribs treated when Vince McMahon comes in. Vince guaranteed a new WWE Champion tonight and that is what we had. He guaranteed a WWE Title match and we did. The thing is, he also guaranteed a Last Man Standing match….so that is what HHH is getting, because Randy Orton has requested his automatic rematch. Vince: “If you can stand at all, champ.”

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and gets powered straight into the corner to start. A rollup out of the corner gives Michelle two but Beth hits the running shoulder to the ribs to cut her off. Michelle dropkicks her way out of trouble and grabs a short armscissors of all things. That’s broken up as well and Michelle dives into a World’s Strongest Slam for two.

The cobra clutch of all things goes on but Michelle does her best Bret Hart and climbs the corner for the backflip for two, with Beth not letting go as she kicks out. Candice drives her into the corner for the break and there’s a spinwheel kick. A high crossbody gives Candice two more and so does a sunset flip out of the corner. Beth has had it and hits a backbreaker into the fisherman’s DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. This was one of the flatter pay per view matches I can remember in a while as it just came and went. Candice losing the title is the right call, as there comes a point where her surviving against a monster like Phoenix is too much to accept. Phoenix is a different breed and should be a big thing in the division for a long time to come.

Post match Beth says this is the ushering in of the era of the Glamazon.

The Punjabi Prison is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Great Khali for the Smackdown World Title. Batista won the title from Khali at Unforgiven in a triple threat and now it is time for the big showdown rematch. It’s basically “can Batista slay the monster” with some bells and whistles.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Batista is defending inside the Punjabi Prison. There is a bamboo cage around the ring and then a much bigger one outside the ring. The inner cage has four doors that you have to call to be opened, which will have it opened for sixty seconds. After that, it stays closed permanently. You have to get out of the inner cage and then get over the bigger one to win. In other words, it’s more complicated than it needs to be and kind of hard to see through the big bars too, which is why it was only used a few times ever.

Khali goes after him with the chops to start but Batista knocks him back in the ropes to tie up the giant’s arms. JBL points out that Batista should be calling for a door but instead he charges into a boot like a moron as Khali gets his arms out. The big chop knocks Batista silly so Khali has a door opened. Batista makes the save though and the first door is officially closed for the rest of the match.

Some elbows in the corner have Batista in trouble but he comes back with a spear. The second door is open but Khali cuts him off this time and chokes against the cage until the door is officially closed. Khali pulls a strap off the cage and whips Batista down before calling for the third door to be opened. Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster though and crawls for the door, only to have Khali pull him back, meaning the door is officially closed.

That doesn’t work for Batista, who uses the same strap to beat on Khali but gets knocked down again with a single shot. The vice grip goes on so Khali calls for the last door to be open. Batista is back with a low blow to drop Khali, who is up in time to slam the door onto Batista’s back. The fourth door is officially closed so they have to go over the top to get out of the first cage.

Batista starts to go up but Khali pulls him back down for a crash. Khali manages to climb over the top of the first cage (that is some strong bamboo, mainly because it is supported by steel, because steel supported bamboo is a thing) to the floor. Batista is climbing up the inner structure and gets to the top as Khali gets to the top of the outer structure. In a pretty impressive move, Batista jumps from the inner cage to the outer and then beats Khali over the top and to the floor to retain.

Rating: D+. This could have been worse, but the problem is pretty obvious: this whole concept is so big and more complicated than it needs to be that it isn’t even fun. Also, I’m not sure how much of a signature match it can be for Khali when he hasn’t actually been in one of them before this. The ending was cool though as it felt like something out of the end of a movie and showed Batista was smart, which he has been before. Not a good match, but a clever ending.

Long recap of the WWE Title situation.

HHH is ready to fight one more time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH, with bad ribs, is defending in a Last Man Standing match. They stare at each other to start until Orton gets smart by going after the bad (and untaped) ribs. More shots to the ribs sent HHH outside, where his quick Pedigree attempt is countered with a legsweep to send the ribs into the ramp.

Back in and more shots to the ribs set up a belly to back drop onto the barricade for a six count. A whip into the steps gets six more so they head back inside. HHH manages a much needed facebuster for a breather but Orton’s backbreaker puts him down for eight more. That just has Orton frustrated so he grabs a TV cord and chokes HHH into some nasty spitting.

HHH gets up at nine so the annoyed Orton sends him outside. The ECW announcers’ table (with Joey and Tazz still there after their minute and thirty seven second match earlier) is loaded up and a monitor to the head rocks HHH. The RKO through the table is shoved off though and Orton crashes through the table hard. Orton is up at nine as well so HHH hits a spinebuster on the floor for another nine.

Some steps to the head get another nine count and they roll back inside. Orton manages a DDT onto a chair to stun HHH though and the RKO onto the open chair leave a bloody HHH down. The ropes get HHH back up and he throws in the crotch chop before falling to the mat again. Orton’s Punt is blocked though and HHH makes the fired up comeback by taking Orton outside and sending him into various objects.

Orton cuts him off though and a catapult sends HHH head first into the post for another near fall. The steps are picked up but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. That leaves Orton’s heads in the steps and it’s a chair shot to crush him again. Orton gets up again and the Pedigree is loaded up, only to have him counter into the RKO onto the table for the ten count and the title.

Rating: B. They picked it up in the end but this was a lot of standing around waiting after someone does something big. In other words, it’s a Last Man Standing match but it’s a Last Man Standing match without a reason for these two to hate each other. I do like that they gave us the kind of match they advertised, but it was a weird position to be in after the Cena vs. Orton feud got so personal and HHH was just a last minute substitute.

Overall Rating: B-. This is one of the weirder shows that WWE has ever presented and I’m not really sure what to think of it. The wrestling is mostly good, save for the Punjabi Prison mess, but it felt like a better version of a Russo era Raw with the three title matches in one night. They were in a tough spot here though and they did a pretty good job so well done with this, though it’s a pretty weird one.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and the show is mostly together. The big story continues to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title, but we also seem to have the issues between Vince McMahon and HHH. The latter of those feuds comes to a head tonight as the two of them are facing off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going, with three not so high level looking wrestlers in the ring with him. Vince hypes up his main event with HHH and promises to win. We see a clip of Vince beating up HHH in various ways before Vince turns his attention to the three guys in the ring. Each one represents a different fighting style, starting with a four time All American amateur wrestler, followed by a fifth degree kempo karate black belt and finally, the Ohio sumo champion (no one seems convinced).

Vince offers to face all of them, only to have someone else do it as a preview for what is going to happen to HHH at No Mercy. Cue the returning Umaga to destroy all three of them, with Vince looking rather pleased. Umaga beats them up even more for a bonus and Vince’s happiness rises.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London hurricanranas Murdoch down to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That means a gutbuster from Cade to take over, with Murdoch coming back in for a splash. A dropkick gets Kendrick out of trouble though and it’s Hardy coming in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and the Whisper in the Wind hits Cade but Hardy gets crotched on top. London hits a very out of nowhere dive and throws Murdoch back inside for Sliced Bread from Kendrick. Hardy drops the Swanton for the pin on Cade.

Rating: C+. It was a short match but they packed a lot into there, which is more than I would have expected. Hardy, London and Kendrick seem like three guys who would work well together as the high flying trio while the other three…well they’re feuding with the good guys so it makes sense to have them here. I’m not sure how much more you can get out of Benjamin vs. Hardy though, as Hardy needs some fresh competition.

Vince McMahon comes in to see William Regal and welcomes him back before praising Regal for making Mr. Kennedy vs. John Cena for tonight’s main event. He also asks Regal for a personal favor: take care of Hornswoggle tonight. Regal reluctantly agrees as Hornswoggle pops up. Vince leaves….and Regal has already lost Hornswoggle.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and we see him Punting John Cena’s father a few weeks ago and then hitting him with an RKO two weeks ago. Orton promises to leave Cena laying the same way at No Mercy.

Some Cleveland Indians are here. That was a good year for the team so we’ll call that an upgrade.

The Diva Search girls ran an obstacle course on the beach.

William Regal goes looking for Hornswoggle and runs into the Highlanders. They haven’t seen Hornswoggle, but Regal wants to know why they turned down a match with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Rory explains that it’s because they only want a Tag Team Title shot, which leaves Regal continuing his Hornswoggle search.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

Rematch from last week when the returning Holly beat Rhodes without much trouble. Rhodes starts fast but gets shouldered down. Back up and Rhodes grabs an armbar but gets dropkicked for two. A small package gives Rhodes two so he tries to jump over Holly in the corner, earning himself an Alabama Slam for the fast pin.

Here is Beth Phoenix for a chat and she would like Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring with her. Beth promises to win the Women’s Title on Sunday and wants Lilian to practice announcing her as the winner tonight. Lilian does, but throws in a caveat about how Phoenix has to actually win on Sunday. Phoenix literally goes for her throat but Candice Michelle runs in for the save.

SAVE_US video, now with some fresh codes, including things such as “Tron image”, “GRAND_SLAM” and “8.2.11/SAVIOR_SELF”, the latter of which is featured several times.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Before the match, Vince shows us a clip of HHH attacking Umaga with a chair and the sledgehammer last week to send him into a steroid suspension. HHH comes out but Vince cuts off his entrance pre-corner pose and says let’s go. Hold on though as there is no referee, so here is Carlito to be the guest referee.

Carlito does the weapons check, allowing Vince to slap HHH in the face. The bell rings and Vince immediately hides in the ropes, with Carlito covering him up. Vince bails to the floor so the chase is on, with HHH finally going around the other side to catch Vince on the floor. The Pedigree is broken up with a Backstabber so HHH hits Carlito low, which is enough for the DQ.

Post match HHH stays on Vince but here is Umaga for the fight. HHH hits a DDT, which has the expected results. A superkick sends HHH into the corner and there’s the running hip attack. Umaga stops to yell at Carlito so HHH pulls out the sledgehammer to scare Umaga off.

And now Marella At The Movies, featuring Santino Marella and Maria, though she doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. This week they are going to review The Condemned, which Maria thought was fun. Marella says it was fun if you like having your head bashed in with a mallet. He should have been the star, meaning it’s time for a clip with Santino included.

Cue Val Venis to interrupt (this seems to get Maria’s attention), but Santino doesn’t think much of Venis’ acting. He couldn’t believe what Venis did to that donkey in the Shrek based film. Venis offers Maria a spot in his next movie and the beatdown is on with Venis’ leg getting destroyed. I continue to be astounded that Venis is still employed.

John Cena doesn’t think much of the idea that THEY are saying he is going to lose to Randy Orton. It is time to talk about THEY, who know that Cena is losing and that he has changed and that Todd Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his phone. At No Mercy, Orton can hit him with everything from a bell to a microphone to a snow cone to a student loan but Cena will keep getting up every time. You put anyone in front of him and he will always get up and never quit, so let them talk. He’s going to beat Orton so bad that THEY are never going to forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina wins a battle over the lockup to start and they go to the mat with Melina kicking away. Mickie fights up and hits some hard forearms but Melina kicks her in the head for two. The screaming reverse DDT is loaded up but Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring for a distraction. The freaked out Melina gets rolled up for the pin.

Post match Hornswoggle chases Melina underneath the ring and comes out with Melina’s clothes. Hornswoggle runs off, leaving Melina screaming. This was bad back then and it doesn’t hold up well here.

Post break, William Regal yells at Hornswoggle over what happened but Steve-O (from Jackass, and starring in a new upcoming USA series), comes in. Steve-O is here to find a wuss (point of his show), and the distraction lets Hornswoggle leave.

No Mercy rundown.

Steve-O comes in to see Ron Simmons, suggesting that he can make Simmons be less of a wuss. Simmons literally throws him out and hits the catchphrase.

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he is going to make a statement by beating Cena. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and then shoulders him down but Cena is back up with a hiptoss. The armbar goes on but Kennedy gets up, only to get driven into the corner. Kennedy fights out of the corner and punches Cena down before taking him outside for a whip into the steps. We take a break and come back with Kennedy grabbing a chinlock to keep Cena in trouble. Cena fights up and grabs a suplex, setting p the STFU for the very fast tap.

Rating: C. The ending was very quick and there is a reason for that. Cena tore his pectoral muscle when he gave Kennedy the hiptoss, making this a one on one match. There is only so much that can be done when you’re wrestling with one arm and while Cena did what he could, the match wasn’t very good as a result. Kennedy carried it as well as he could, even with the very sudden finish.

Post match Randy Orton runs in, apparently guilty of satellite fraud, and lays out Cena. The steps to the face set up an RKO onto the announcers’ table, with Orton counting to ten as Cena is out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was the big final push towards no Mercy and it only went so well. The biggest problem is that Orton vs. Cena has been set up for several weeks now and there is only so much that they can get out of one more week of building. The HHH vs. Umaga match had to get a last second build and that worked fine, as the match was already set up a month ago. The rest of the show was only ok, though the Cena situation is going to cause some problems.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2007
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to No Mercy and the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Title against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match. That alone should be enough to carry the Raw side of the show but there is still time to fill in on the card. Maybe we can fill in some more of that this week, along with more Hornswoggle shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Coach is in the ring, with security guards around him, and we see a recap of the recant issues between John Cena and Randy Orton. This includes last week, with Orton attacking John Cena’s father to end the show. As a result, Coach has suspended Orton indefinitely, but Coach isn’t going to let Cena take his rage out on everyone else. Coach brings out Vince McMahon, who talks about how everyone needs to show respect.

This includes HHH, who tried to embarrass him last week with a bunch of leprechaun jokes. Tonight, Vince is going to get that revenge as HHH faces Carlito inside a cage. Actually we’ll make it even bigger, as Vince himself will be Carlito’s partner. With that out of the way, Vince invites Hornswoggle to join them in the ring. Vince didn’t mean a bunch of the things he said last week and hopes that Hornswoggle loves him instead of wanting his money. Hornswoggle says he loves Vince and they share a big hug. Things seem to be going well and Vince even has a woman who would like to meet him.

Cue Melina in a green dress to say Hornswoggle (who is looking very nervous) is very cute. She asks “Horny” if he would like to get to know her so Hornswoggle jumps on her. Vince tells them to go have a beer and a good night (Vince: “Always use protection.”). With the two of them gone, Coach asks Vince if he can keep being General Manager when William Regal comes back next week but here is a ticked off John Cena to interrupt. Security comes in so Cena goes after Vince and Coach, with the bosses escaping. Vince says Cena’s title reign is in Coach’s hands.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

This is Holly’s return after several months away. Before the match, Holly says Cody sounds like he belongs in a boy band instead of in a ring. Holly knocks him down without much trouble to start but Cody says hit him in the face. A sunset flip gives Cody two but Holly chops him in the corner. Cody snaps off a Russian legsweep for two and a dropkick keeps him in trouble. Something off the top rope misses though and the Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: C-. Short and to the point here as Holly beat Rhodes up without much effort, but Rhodes was trying as always. Holly’s return was treated as a big deal and I could see him going a little somewhere in the midcard. Rhodes losing is a bit weird after he had been on a winning streak, but at least it feels like he has a bit more experience now and isn’t just skating on his family history.

Post match, Holly shakes his head down at Rhodes.

We recap the John Cena/Coach situation.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and calls Cena a phony. Cena knew he was in trouble at Unforgiven so he got himself disqualified. Maybe Cena’s dad just lives off of Cena, but Orton is a professional wrestler. Last week Orton took out Cena’s dad and now he’s going to be ready to take the title from Cena in the Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino and we get the first mention of Teddy Long’s apparent heart attack on Smackdown. No update or anything, but it was mentioned. Simmons hammers him in the face to start so Santino bails out to the floor. The chase lets Santino catch him on the way back in and stomp away, setting up a reverse chinlock. Simmons fights up but the threat of a powerslam sends Marella bailing to the floor again, this time for the countout.

Rating: D. This was about what you would expect as neither of them was exactly on fire here. Simmons was long retired at this point and did little more than punch in between Marella’s running away. That’s about what the match should have been, and it would have been hard to accept the idea of Santino beating Simmons, even at this age.

Post match, Simmons hits the catchphrase.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest. Next week: the obstacle course.

Jillian Hall comes up to Melina in the back and asks where Hornswoggle is. Melina seems ok with going on a date with him before revealing that she’s only doing this for a shot at the Women’s Title. She’s off to take a shower.

The Highlanders ask Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for a Tag Team Title shot with any stipulation the champs want. Then they pull up their kilts, much to the champions’ disgust.

The cage is lowered.

Carlito/Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Inside a cage. HHH punches Carlito down and pulls Vince off the cage wall. More right hands drop Carlito again and Vince gets pulled back through the door as well. HHH crotches Vince on top so Carlito hits HHH low and sends him into the cage. We take a break and come back with HHH throwing Carlito at Vince to drive him into the cage. Carlito has to save Vince from a Pedigree with a Backstabber so Vince goes up. HHH cuts off Carlito but Vince is able to escape for the win.

Rating: D+. They didn’t exactly burn the house down here as this was much more about giving us something to keep Vince vs. HHH going. Vince was added to the match out of nowhere, though that might be due to WWE realizing that Carlito vs. HHH isn’t exactly interesting. The match was nothing to see, though they didn’t stay on it for very long.

Post match Vince leaves but Carlito is left alone with HHH. Some rams into the cage set up a spinebuster and the Pedigree onto the chair leaves Carlito laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title, joined in progress and with the Highlanders at ringside. Cade hits a backbreaker on London so Murdoch can come in with an ax handle. The abdominal stretch doesn’t last long as London gets over to Kendrick. House is cleaned and a quick Sliced Bread….draws in the Highlanders to jump Kendrick for the DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on as London and Kendrick are left laying.

Hornswoggle spies on Melina in the shower, then chases her around backstage and steals her towel. This freaks Melina out, but she didn’t seem to mind showering in front of a camera.

Ad for the Condemned, complete with Santino Marella saying he isn’t impressed with Steve Austin’s acting.

HHH comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and challenges him to a one on one match. Vince: “You’re on.” HHH: “And you’re screwed.”

Jeff Hardy/Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix/Shelton Benjamin

Milwaukee is the hometown girl. Benjamin takes Hardy into the corner to start but some shots to the face stagger Benjamin for a change. A mule kick sends Benjamin outside and Candice takes out Beth, leaving Hardy to hit a big dive to the floor. We take a break and come back with Beth working on a seated full nelson but Candice fights up (to a heck of a reaction).

The hot tag brings in Hardy for a Whisper in the Wind (with Lawler having to correct JR on the name). Benjamin powerbombs him down though and we hit a chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back. A backbreaker gives Benjamin two but Hardy is back up with a crossbody. It’s back to the women, with a jawbreaker sending Beth into the corner. Candice plays Jeff in Poetry in Motion but Beth is back up with the fisherman’s buster for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well so much for the crowd being happy. It should set up a title rematch between Candice and Beth, which almost has to wrap up Candice’s title reign once and for all. The match was short enough and to the point, though Hardy and Benjamin were little more than extra players for the women’s stuff.

Coach has a press conference, suggesting that John Cena is about to be stripped of the title. Also, Randy Orton has been suspended for twenty four hours, because anyone could do what Orton did to Cena’s dad.

And now, for something new: a blue Matrix style video, with the words SAVE_US.222 popping up. Commentary doesn’t reference it, as I’m sure this won’t mean anything.

Coach is in the ring with security around him and a bunch of photographers on the floor. He orders Cena out here and after a bit, here is Cena, wearing the title for a change. Coach brings up Cena’s dad getting beaten up last week and now he wants Cena to BEG to keep his title. Cena’s shirt comes off and Coach’s jacket does too, with Coach issuing threats from the security. Hold on though as the bell rings and Lilian Garcia has a ruling from Mr. McMahon: Cena is still champion and will get to face Coach in a tables match RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title and Cena punches him down, grabs the STFU, and hits the FU through a table for the fast win.

Post match Hornswoggle comes out on the stage. Cena: “Thank you Mr. McMahon.” Ok that was clever.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as other than a few nice moments, there was nothing to cheer. Hornsowggle’s bit at the end was good, but it’s the same one who spied on Melina in the shower and then chased her around the arena. Other than that, there was some lame wrestling and little more than another week of filler on the way to another Orton vs. Cena title match. Not a good show, but maybe the returning stars will help them next week.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2007
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the waste of time that was Unforgiven and now it is time to start getting ready for No Mercy. Last night’s show was so important that they have already announced the main event for next month’s pay per view. John Cena got disqualified against Randy Orton, so it’s time for a Last Man Standing match for Cena’s title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, with Cena snapping over Orton attacking Cena’s father.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to say he is sorry. Tonight he is better though and he feels FABULOUS. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders because he lost to Randy Orton! Last night his dad had the guts to show up and make him the proudest son in the world. Orton is stupid enough to think this is over and want a rematch. Then there is Coach, who made it even worse for Orton by giving him a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

That means no rules, no pinfalls and no disqualifications, so what he did last night is perfectly legal. At No Mercy, he is going through Orton like a hot knife through butter….but here is Coach to interrupt. Coach says that Cena should be glad he still has a job after last night, so tonight it’s payback time. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena, which works rather well for the champ. Hold on though, because Coach didn’t mean this Cena, but rather Cena’s dad, who can either have the match or have Cena stripped of the title.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and gets caught in a northern lights suplex just after the bell. An atomic drop sets up the legdrop between the legs to put Benjamin down though and Hardy takes over. There’s an armdrag into an armbar and they fight over a top wristlock. A backdrop puts Benjamin on the apron and there’s a kick to the chest to put him outside. Hardy hits the required dive to take Benjamin down again and we take a break.

Back with Benjamin working on a neck crank (with the replay showing Hardy missing the Whisper in the Wind and getting kicked in the head) before pounding away in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Benjamin two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. Now the Whisper in the Wind can work but Benjamin grabs a backbreaker for two more. A reverse DDT gets the same so Benjamin puts him on top, only to get shoved down. The Swanton retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. You knew these two were going to be able to have a good match with each other due to pure talent and it was a completely fine TV title defense for Hardy. It’s a way to get Hardy back on track after he got squashed by Khali last week so this was about as fine of a way as he had to be back to normal again.

The Diva Search finalists play beach volleyball. I think you get the idea here. In case you didn’t, there is a limbo competition on WWE.com.

Coach joins an annoyed Vince McMahon in his limo to try and calm him down. Vince is annoyed about Hornswoggle….who is in the limo also, eating Lucky Charms and restrained by tape because he’s an infant. How we didn’t hear Hornswoggle until the camera was on him is not clear, but Coach takes him inside (biting ensues).

John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling tonight but Cena’s dad insists on doing it.

Santino knocks on the Divas locker room door, looking for Maria, but finding Jillian Hall instead. Maria wanted to see the Condemned, even though Steve Austin’s performance was worse than Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards. Jillian: “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!” Santino wants to impress Maria so Jillian suggests a country duet together (Nashville and all). She starts a little Achy Breaky Heart and Santino agrees to save his ears. Don’t worry either, as he has another idea.

Vince McMahon is still yelling at Coach but they hear Irish music coming from Vince’s office. The office is now filled with green balloons and shamrocks, plus piles of Lucky Charms. Vince: “THIS IS ON YOU!” Hornswoggle pops up so Coach chases him off as a unicorn pops up to scare Vince.

Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

Flag match because reasons. Daivari goes for the flag to start but gets pulled back down. They take turns pulling the others to the mat until Daivari gets crotched on top. Duggan punches him down, then sends him into the post and pulls down the flag for the win.

Cody Rhodes volunteers to take John Cena’s dad’s place against Randy Orton but Coach turns him down. John Cena comes in and threatens Coach, who gives Cena a match tonight. If Cena wins, his dad is off the hook, but if not, the match is still on.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. As you might have seen last week, he has indeed fathered a son in Hornswoggle, who comes out doing a jig. Vince kneels down next to Hornswoggle and says that when he dies, Hornswoggle will get a lot of money. Hornswoggle: “Money money!” Vince has some papers with him tonight….because he is putting Hornswoggle up for adoption!

Cue a couple (Ed and Alice Koskey) with their attorney but Hornswoggle hugs Vince. That doesn’t sit well with the boss, so Hornswoggle pulls down Ed’s pants and bites the back of Alice’s dress. The Koskeys run off so Vince gets serious and tells him to get away from him. Vince throws him out and the fans are not happy with him. He insists that anyone here would have done the same thing but here is HHH to interrupt.

HHH takes credit for decorating Vince’s office earlier, which was difficult because it’s hard to find a unicorn around here. He knew Vince had slept with some trolls, but he didn’t know about elves, fairies and hobgoblins. Vince: “I’VE NEVER SLEPT WITH FAIRIES!” HHH: “That’s not what I read on the internet.” HHH thinks the Genetic Jackhammer had too much genetic Jack Daniels and now he’s a genetic jackass.

It isn’t surprising though, because he is short tempered, short sighted and a certain part of him is microscopic. Vince: “Are you finished?” HHH: “That’s the same thing Hornswoggle’s mom asked you the night you slipped her the shillelagh.” Just between them, did they do it on the Yellow Brick Road? Vince is livid, but one more question: was she magically delicious? Vince puts him in a match right now, which I believe had been mentioned earlier.

HHH vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Joined in progress with HHH clotheslining them down as Carlito comes out to watch. We settle down to Cade hitting a neckbreaker for two as we’ll be having tags in this one. Murdoch comes in and pounds away in the corner, setting up a Blockbuster for two. Cade grabs the neck crank before switching to a leg lariat for two. HHH fights up without much trouble though, knocks Murdoch off the apron, and finishes Cade with the spinebuster.

Rating: C-. I know it’s HHH, but beating the Tag Team Champions on your own so quickly isn’t exactly the easiest thing to see. It would be nice if there were some other villains who could have taken this spot but that isn’t how the tag team division works. This was about having HHH break a sweat before we get to continue the epic HHH vs. Carlito feud. I’m sure there are twelve people out there who want to see it keep going.

Post match Carlito, Cade and Murdoch stomp HHH down but Paul London and Brian Kendrick make the save. Cade and Murdoch leave so Carlito gets Pedigreed. HHH isn’t sure what to think….and Pedigrees both of them.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Melina/Jillian Hall

Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Mickie and Melina lock up to start until a neckbreaker takes Melina down. Jillian shoves Mickie off the top though and gets to come in to toss Mickie down by the hair. That’s about it for Mickie being in trouble though and she gets over for the tag off to Candice. House is cleaned and the Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in short order.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to glare at Candice.

The Condemned is on DVD tomorrow.

Vince McMahon is leaving and recaps the night, with Coach saying no one has seen Hornswoggle since Vince yelled at him. With that, Vince gets in his limo to leave, with Hornswoggle popping out of the trunk.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and if Cena wins, his dad is out of the match with Randy Orton. The opponent is….Santino Marella, which has Cena wondering if this is serious. So Santino is doing this to impress Maria, but Coach agreed to it? Cena initiates the finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena for the DQ.

Post match Orton handcuffs him to the ropes. Cue Coach to say that the match is still on, because Cena had to win the match by pinfall. That feels like a quick correction for Orton hitting the wrong person.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena

For reasons I don’t want to fathom, Orton went backstage during the break and does a full entrance here. John Cena is still on the floor and handcuffed to the bottom rope. The bell rings so Orton knocks him down and starts the stomping while looking down at Cena on the floor. The beating continues until Cody Rhodes runs in for the DQ.

Post match Orton sends Rhodes into the steps and RKO’s Mr. Cena. With his dad down, Cena unhooks the turnbuckle to escape and chases Orton off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Outside of Vince now having a son and interacting with him, this felt like a show where almost nothing changed. Cena still wants to wreck Orton for what he did to his dad, HHH is still tormenting Vince and….what else is there here? It isn’t a bad show, but it seems like everything is in a holding pattern until everyone gets back from their suspensions. Understandable, but it isn’t making things easy to watch.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 10, 2007
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the big reveal as this week will see the reveal of Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. This is the kind of story that feels like it should be a huge moment, with Mr. Kennedy feeling like the likely surprise, but that pesky steroids suspension seems to be throwing a wrench into the plans. That should open up a new door too, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We’re starting fast because here is Vince McMahon, with Coach, to get things going. Vince recaps the story, saying that he has an illegitimate son and that he is a “WWO” (Vince: “Let me try that again.”) superstar. Vince blames the mother for causing all of these problems before informing the fans that Coach DOES NOT suck. The only thing that makes Vince feel better is that his son isn’t from Green Bay, like Mr. Kennedy, who is on the current WWE Magazine. Vince happens to have a copy, which he has Coach rip up.

Enough of that though, as Vince wants to know who his son is, which brings out Great Khali. Runjin Singh translates for Great Khali, who said that “things are looking up” must mean him and he would be proud to be called The Great McMahon. Cue JBL to interrupt to talk about how he and Vince both love money. JBL: “Put Big Gulp on a leash.” Even in this market, he can guarantee and things are looking up. Vince owns wrestling and JBL is a wrestling god. They even go to the same barber!

He would love to be John Bradshaw McMahon but here is Jeff Hardy to interrupt this time. Coach: “What are you doing out here?” Jeff: “I’m not really sure.” Jeff thinks “things are looking up” might mean him diving off the ladder, but he certainly hopes he isn’t the son. JBL yells about Hardy and Khali’s hair, but here is Mr. Johnson, the son’s mother’s lawyer.

Vince goes into a rant about how much he hates attorneys before being told his son will be revealed at some point tonight. For now, the only thing Johnson will reveal is that Vince’s son is NOT Jeff Hardy. Jeff: “PRAISE THE LORD YEAH!” That celebration earns Jeff a singles match with Great Khali later tonight.

We see some photos of the South African tour, including Paul London and Brian Kendrick winning the Tag Team Titles from Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, only to lose them back three days later.

Paul London vs. Lance Cade

Brian Kendrick and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Cade headlocks him down to start so London pops up with a hurricanrana. A belly to back suplex drops London right back down and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either as London is up with a springboard missile dropkick. Murdoch tries to offer a distraction….but it lets Kendrick come in for Sliced Bread. London adds the running shooting star press for the fast pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and it was a way to bridge the feud to Sunday. I like the title switches on the tour as it gave this feud a bit of life, as otherwise it was just London and Kendrick getting another title shot. You can only get so far when there is no chance of a title switch and now they gave the thing a bit more interest.

We recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s dad two weeks ago, sending Cena over the edge with an attack on William Regal last week. As a result, Cena is barred from the building this week.

Coach tells Vince McMahon that William Regal is doing better but has a lot of recovering to do. As a result, Coach has banned John Cena from the building tonight, which Vince doesn’t like. Coach has another idea though, as he brings in the man who the fans have voted as the second most likely star to be Vince’s son: Stevie Richards! Vince cracks up laughing and sends Stevie away before asking Coach who was #1 in the audience vote. That would be HHH, which doesn’t sit well with Vince.

We look back at HHH beating up Carlito and REALLY beating up Umaga.

Carlito is ready to destroy HHH on Sunday at Unforgiven. As for tonight, Carlito is full of surprises.

HHH vs. Shelton Benjamin

Carlito is at ringside. HHH wins an early slugout and sends him shoulder first into the post. It works so well that HHH does it again before throwing Shelton into Carlito. We take a break and come back with HHH fighting out of a chinlock but getting DDTed for two. The chinlock goes on again so HHH fights up again, only to get caught with the spinning clothesline from the top. HHH’s standing clothesline connects to put both of them down for a breather. Back up and HHH hits a spinebuster, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C. This was more like the old school Benjamin and that is a very good thing to see. It’s great to have him showing off his offense and he looked like his old self here. That being said, he was little more than cannon fodder for HHH, which isn’t a big surprise. Nice match here, as HHH continues to get back to normal.

Post match Carlito goes after HHH but gets cut off. Cue Coach to say Vince McMahon is sick of HHH being disrespectful. Therefore, Carlito vs. HHH at Unforgiven is now No DQ….for Carlito only.

A car arrives and since it isn’t John Cena’s, he can roll right in.

Here is Randy Orton, with security, for a chat. Orton knows John Cena is watching at home, maybe with his dad. If that is the case, he needs to turn the volume down because his dad’s head must be throbbing. This Sunday at Unforgiven, it is one year since Cena won the WWE Title. Orton is in Cena’s head though and he is going to use that opening to take Cena down. Cue Cena through the crowd to get his hands on Orton but security holds him back so Orton can escape.

In the back, Vince McMahon yells at Coach for not keeping Cena out. Cue security, who still can’t hold Cena back. Cena gets in Vince’s face and says, as a man, that he knows what is happening to Orton at Unforgiven. Orton is going to feel pain and vengeance in his bones for Cena’s father. That is something even Vince can understand, and with that, Cena leaves.

Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Mickie flips out of an early snapmare attempt but gets whipped into the corner. That means a handspring elbow connects to give Jillian two as Candice talks about facing Beth Phoenix. Jillian pulls her down hard out of the corner and seems to rub Mickie’s face into her chest. Apparently it wakes Mickie up enough to kick Jillian in the head for the pin.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take both of them out so Candice runs in for the failed save attempt.

Sandman vs. Santino Marella

Before the match, Santino mourns the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, but at least he passed away before he had to see Steve Austin in the Condemned. Santino doesn’t understand this lack of culture but Sandman’s entrance cuts him off. Once Sandman gets rid of the kendo stick, Santino starts pounding him down and goes after the leg. A splash hits raised knees though and Sandman knocks him outside. That means a big dive (there’s a surprise) from Sandman but Marella uses the kendo stick for the DQ.

Post match Santino tries to break the stick over his own knee but hurts himself. Sandman gets the cage to chase him off.

Post break Maria is talking to Ron Simmons about Santino being so different lately. She thinks they might need to split up but here is Santino to jump Simmons. Santino even does Simmons’ catchphrase, which should signal his doom.

The Diva Search is coming back. Great. We get the first look at the finalists, including Eve Torres, Taryn Terrell and Lena Yada.

Unforgiven rundown.

Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Khali throws him into the corner to start for the elbow to the face. The Whisper in the Wind is knocked away and Khali hits a big boot. The Vice Grip finishes Hardy in a hurry. Your Intercontinental Champion everyone.

Post match here is Batista to spear Khali down without much effort.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for the big reveal, with the male roster surrounding the ring as well. HHH comes out last and Vince isn’t exactly pleased. Vince knows that one of these men is his son and wants to know who gets to be a McMahon. He wants to know who it is right now but here is Mr. Johnson on the Titantron. In accordance with his client’s wishes, he is going to eliminate some of the possible names.

First up, the son is not extreme, meaning ECW is out. Vince: “Thank God it’s not Balls Mahoney.” The son also has a fondness for gold, meaning he is a current or former champion. Next up is that the son’s skin is fair, which Vince (rather rapidly) points out means he is Caucasian. Vince has everyone left get in the ring, as he is told that the son’s hair is fair as well.

That leaves us with Sandman, JBL, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and HHH, though the fans want Kennedy (not here). Vince shoots that down before giving us the next clue: “Individual.” That takes Vince some time to figure out but it means he isn’t a tag wrestler. The final clue: the son loves to play the game.

That seems to leave HHH, who isn’t happy either. Vince says this isn’t right, with Johnson agreeing. The son loves to play games, such as hide and seek or marbles….because it’s HORNSWOGGLE! HHH nearly falls over in laughter as Hornswoggle pops out, grabs Vince’s leg, and puts his hat on Vince’s head to end the show.

So there’s your big reveal. After several weeks, we get Hornswoggle as the big gag blowoff, which was disappointing back in the day and it’s disappointing now. This time it isn’t WWE’s fault as the Kennedy suspension blew up what could have been a career making story, but ultimately there is only so much that can be done when the key player is gone. Hornswoggle was a bit funny and there is some good comedy potential, but it feels like it could have been so much more.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ALL about the big angle at the end, with the wrestling being a complete afterthought. That made for a weird show, as Unforgiven took a backseat as well, leaving the pay per view without much of a final push and the big story with a pretty lame resolution. Again, it isn’t WWE’s fault this time, but it is still pretty disappointing.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.