Monday Night Raw – October 17, 1994: Save Us Clowny
IMG Credit: WWE
Monday Night Raw Date: October 17, 1994 Location: Memorial Auditorium, Burlington, Vermont Attendance: 1,800 Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
The march to Survivor Series continues and that means I need to up my blood pressure medication. This isn’t a good time for the company and I don’t see that getting any better anytime soon. As long as the show doesn’t focus too heavily on Lawler vs. Doink, I think I can make it through this. Let’s get to it.
We open with some shots of Burlington, which seem to confuse the announcers. Ok then.
Opening sequence.
Doink the Clown vs. Jeff Jarrett
And Doink has a second mini clown by the name of Wink. They give the Spanish announcers a fake flower, because that’s what this show has turned into. Jeff bails straight to the floor but gets in a shot to the knee to take over early on. Back in and Doink gets in a slam, allowing Dink to bite Jeff in the tights area. A headlock doesn’t slow Jarrett down very much as he comes back with a drop toehold.
An abdominal stretch with a grab of the rope puts Doink in trouble, allowing Vince to talk about the minis running around as of late. Cue Dink to bite Jeff’s hand to get Doink out of the hold as the pace picks up. Now it’s Queasy and another unnamed mini King, drawing Dink and Wink over to chase them off. Things settle down until Doink charges into a boot in the corner as we take a break. Back with Doink still in trouble and Jeff getting two off a dropkick, meaning it’s time for the chinlock.
Doink slams his way to freedom but misses an elbow as this keeps going. Jeff’s sleeper is broken up pretty quickly so it’s a whatamaneuever (enziguri here) for two on Doink instead. Doink makes his comeback with a butterfly suplex as Vince and Randy talk about Savage’s old Gremlin needing a steering wheel. Jarrett misses a middle rope splash and gets powerslammed. A suplex gives Doink two more as the mini clowns chase the mini kings. Doink hits the Whoopee Cushion but here’s Jerry Lawler to deck Doink, giving Jarrett the pin.
Rating: C. You know what? Why not? They were trying here and got some time to turn it into a half decent match. It’s not like there were any expectations to this one and the focus was on the minis running around anyway. What we got was decent though and I can think of worse ways to spend the first third of the show.
Post match, Lawler introduces the second mini king as Sleazy.
The Action Zone is coming. Sweet…for like two weeks.
British Bulldog vs. Roy Raymond
They shove each other to start and Roy actually goes with a slap. The beating is on in a hurry and there’s the delayed vertical suplex. Bulldog grabs a chinlock as the announcers talk about Action Zone. A butterfly suplex gets a very delayed two and it’s back to the chinlock. Roy fights up and manages to go up top, only to be tossed back down. A kick to the ribs, as in Roy’s ribs, knocks Bulldog down and a release fisherman’s suplex gets two. The running powerslam gives Bulldog the pin.
Rating: D. This was Bulldog’s big return after being let go (I assure you the timing had nothing to do with the steroid investigations) and he’s….exactly the same guy as he was before. As has been said, there is only so much you can do to repackage the British Bulldog and this is more proof.
Post break Bulldog is still here….and he just poses without saying or doing anything else.
Here’s a random cameo from Burt Reynolds, saying to watch Raw.
Here’s an angry Bob Backlund, who wants to talk to Vince. Bob does NOT want to show the tape of what he did to Arnold Skaaland over the weekend but Vince shows it anyway. Backlund refused to accept Skaaland’s apology for throwing in the towel to cost Backlund the WWF Title back in 1983 and gave his a crossface chickenwing instead. Back in the arena, Backlund says he should apologize to everyone involved….for having Skaaland as his manager.
Back in July, Backlund understood that the people didn’t get him and they are doomed to be down in life. He did more to try to help people, including never eating marijuana or ever swearing in front of children. How can you expect your children to not take drugs when they’re in your billfolds??? HIS daughter isn’t out there with a gun.
Vince: “What does this have to do with the crossface chickenwing?” Backlund says the chickenwing is about discipline because no one can break it, and yes that’s a challenge. Cue Lex Luger to say he’s heard enough about the chickenwing so try it on him instead. Backlund: “He’s got a lot of panache!” Agents and referees keep anything from happening.
Bob Holly vs. Reno Riggins
Randy is trying to figure out the eating marijuana thing as Holly works on a weak headlock. An armbar keeps Riggins in trouble but he’s back with a slam to the mat by the hair. Riggins charges into an elbow in the corner and gets shoved off the ropes, setting up a high crossbody to give Holly the pin.
Next week: Razor Ramon vs. Yokozuna for the Intercontinental Title.
IRS vs. Tim McNeany
Before the match, IRS says he’s coming after the Undertaker for cheating on his taxes. Egads I had forgotten that nightmare feud. Randy gets in on the IRWIN chants but stops before IRS hits a hiptoss. Some elbows keep Tim in trouble as Vince praises the Million Dollar Corporation, which is still a pretty lame stable. A suplex sets up the Penalty (a weird STF) to make McNeany tap.
We look at Yokozuna being scared of caskets on Superstars.
Heavenly Bodies vs. Barry Horowitz/Nick Barbarry
Jim Cornette introduces the Heavenly Bodies as the team that has won more matches than Elvis and the Beatles combined. Tom and Barry start things off with a bit of shoving until Barry gets two off a rollup. The Bodies switch places until Barry armdrags Tom down again. Barbarry comes in and gets caught with a bad looking floatover DDT, allowing Del Ray to drop Tom into a legdrop onto Nick. The moonsault gives Del Ray the pin in a hurry.
Luger says he wants Backlund.
Overall Rating: D+. It’s a weird night when Backlund and Doink carry the show, because I don’t think that has ever happened before. We’re coming up on Survivor Series but so far we’re not quite ready for things yet. I’m not sure what they’re going to do, because Luger vs. Backlund doesn’t quite feel big, but then again there’s a reason this era is so poorly remembered.
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One Night Only: Amped Anthology Part III: What Else Can They Do?
One Night Only: Amped Anthology Part III Date: October 13, 2017 Location: Orleans Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada Commentators: Cyrus Fees, Chael Sonnen
I’m still not done with this thing but at least I’m onto the second half now. Believe it or not we’re still on the tournaments, which is almost all these shows are about. Hopefully we can get some good action in here to make the show work well enough, though it’s not like the first two parts have been inspiring. Let’s get to it.
The opening video (remember that these shows are comprised of four hour long episodes) previews tonight’s show, focusing on a women’s triple threat.
Opening sequence.
Video on Virgil Flynn, who I don’t think I’ve heard of outside of this show.
Nex Gen Title Tournament First Round: Virgil Flynn III vs. Trevor Lee
Lee shoves him down to start and picks up the much smaller Flynn for some ragdolling. Flynn sends him into the ropes though and nails a running slap but a springboard is broken up with a kick to the rope. A forearm to the face gets two as PJ Black is watching from the ramp. Flynn’s comeback is countered with a gutwrench faceplant but he’s fine enough for a tornado DDT.
Lee gets sent outside for a big running flip dive, followed by a running backsplash for no cover. Lee’s spinning crossbody gets two and a bridging German suplex is good for the same. Flynn is right back up with a forearm to the face and a top rope hurricanrana (West Coast Pop without the springboard) is good for the pin at 9:11.
Rating: C-. There’s a certain kind of indy cruiserweight match that you can almost call spot by spot and move by move and that’s what you had here. Neither of these two were exciting and the match wasn’t exactly shocking. It was completely watchable but absolutely nothing beyond that.
Shelton Benjamin says he has a concussion and will be on the shelf for the time being.
Nick Aldis is ready to become the World Champion. He’s done it before and he can do it again, a stance Jeff Jarrett seems to share. Aldis knows Chris Mordetzky is more than a musclehead and he’ll be ready.
Black hands Flynn a cup of water and knocks it out of his hands.
Here’s Karen Jarrett for a chat. She talks about last month’s women’s three way match with Christina Von Eerie moving on to the Women’s Title match. Before we get to the other qualifying match, here’s Bullet Babe Amber Gallows for a chat. She’s looking forward to this but here’s Tease N Sleaze (Kenny King and Joey Ryan) to say these two just destroyed the ratings in three minutes. Stripping ensues and Jarrett’s response of “Do you know who our husbands are?” doesn’t exactly work well. Karen gets a little more serious and tells them to get out because the women are main eventing. Amber cleans house.
The announcers talk about the tournaments.
Katarina Leigh, Laura James and Amber Gallows want the Women’s Title. Karen would be happy with any of them winning.
Christina Von Eerie is ready for whoever gets the other spot.
Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Katarina Leigh vs. Amber Gallows vs. Laura James
Katarina is Catrina/Winter/Katie Lea/whatever other names she’s gone by. Amber’s offer of a Too Sweet gets her a kick to the ribs from Katarina. James gets two off a PerfectPlex to Amber and it’s Gallows getting double teamed. A big boot knocks James off the apron but Leigh hits one of her own on Gallows.
The double teaming continues with a Boston crab/camel clutch combination but, as always, the fight over the fall begins. Gallows uses the break to roll Leigh up for two, followed by a neckbreaker/DDT at the same time for two more. A superkick drops Leigh and the Amber Alert (X Factor) gives Gallows the pin on James at 4:55.
Rating: D+. Well that happened. They tried to turn this into a major match but it felt like any match you would see on any indy show. Gallows was treated as a major star and better than the others, which at least gives Von Eerie a challenger. What we got here was nothing special though and not exactly main event worthy.
Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows come out to celebrate.
A preview for next week’s episode wraps up the first show.
We get a preview for the second week, which is still such a weird thing to see on a long show like this.
Tease N Sleaze aren’t happy with what happened at Amber Gallows’ hands so Joey is ready to deal with anyone, man or woman.
Kevin (Killer) Kross isn’t happy with the result of his first match but he never gives up. Why he goes from a full head of hair to bald and back in a single video isn’t clear.
Juicy Joey vs. Kevin Kross
Kenny’s early distraction doesn’t work and it’s Kross taking him down into a front facelock. Joey sends him outside though and Kenny actually does something right by stomping away. Kross’ leg is wrapped around the post and Joey has a target. The leg is fine enough for a release German suplex to take Joey down but he’s right back on the leg to keep Kross in trouble. The comeback doesn’t take long with Kross hitting a kick to the face and an exploder suplex. Some rolling suplexes (regular into a fisherman’s into a Saito) finish Joey at 5:30.
Rating: D+. The leg going absolutely nowhere was annoying but they were smart to have the hometown boy Kross win. Joey isn’t the most polished worker in the world it was a good idea to keep things moving here. Kross has a lot of potential but there’s only so much you can do with these restrictions. He didn’t exactly get much better in the ring in the next few years anyway.
We recap Chris Mordetzky insulting Mickie James (Nick Aldis’ wife) at Chael Sonnen’s pushing. Aldis came out and got full nelsoned.
Amber Gallows wants the Women’s Title.
Video on Aldis vs. Mordetzky. They used to be friends but Mordetzky has become a jerk, who even implies that he and Mickie used to have something going on.
Video on the four way for the Nex Gen Title.
Joey and Kenny argue but agree to focus on their next tag match instead.
GFW Global Title Tournament Semifinals: Chris Mordetzky vs. Nick Aldis
Aldis is ticked off and punches him out to the floor, followed by a back elbow to the face back inside. Chris gets knocked outside again and more right hands keep Mordetzky in trouble. A missed dropkick lets Mordetzky take over, much to Sonnen’s delight. That means a camel clutch for a bit, followed by the standard stomps to the ribs. Mordetzky stays on the ribs as Sonnen wonders about the lack of the Adonis Lock. Well Mordetzky never was known as the brightest guy in the world.
A front facelock at least starts in on the neck before having to go with a spinebuster to cut Aldis off. The threat of the Adonis Lock is countered with a clothesline and they’re both down. Aldis is back up with what looked like a brainbuster for two and the King’s Lynn Cloverleaf sends Adonis to the rope. Mordetzky hits a sitout spinebuster for two of his own but the Adonis Lock is countered into the Spine Shaker to give Aldis the pin at 11:18.
Rating: C. Mordetzky is very close to the top of the list of people who were supposed to be a big deal once they got out from underneath WWE’s thumb but he’s the exact same guy who didn’t work in WWE. He’s big, muscular, and spends most of the match trying to get a full nelson. That doesn’t make an interesting match and Aldis, while good, isn’t good enough to make this a strong match.
In the back, Mordetzky yells at the referee to no avail.
Preview for the Nex Gen Title match on the next show.
The next episode begins with a big preview of the Nex Gen Title match. It would be nice if we had seen these guys have more than one match before they’re fighting for a title.
Here’s Jeff Jarrett for a chat. He puts over Las Vegas as a great city where all of the tournaments are going to wrap up. Shelton Benjamin is out of the tournament due to a concussion but here’s a loudmouthed manager to yell about the crowd as he comes to the ring with Chris Mordetzky, who is carrying flowers. He introduces himself as Stu Stone, the official business manager for Mordetzky.
They’re upset about something that happened with Mickie James so Mordetzky has these flowers as a peace offering. Mordetzky should be put in the tournament in Benjamin’s place but that’s a big negative. Chris leaves and Stu yells at Jarrett for making a bad decision. Jeff goes to punch him out but Mordetzky makes the save.
Post break Jeff rants to Karen Jarrett about what just happened.
The four participants in the Nex Gen Title match arrive.
In case you haven’t gotten enough of them yet, here’s a video on the Nex Gen Title match. Maybe we could see these people in the ring instead of in all these videos? This eats nearly fifteen minutes and is just a bunch of “this guy is awesome and this guy is awesome and this title is SO important”.
Nex Gen Title: PJ Black vs. Jigsaw vs. Virgil Flynn vs. TJP
For the inaugural title and it’s one fall to a finish. We get the Big Match Intros just in case you haven’t waited long enough yet. Black won’t shake Jarrett’s hand before the match so we can have a heel. A double superkick puts Black on the floor to start and the other three go for some rapid fire rollups for two each. Black is back in and gets sent outside almost immediately and Flynn does a big spinning headscissors on Jigsaw.
Since we haven’t done it in a few seconds, Black comes back in and gets triple dropkicked out of the air to send him outside. Just give him the title already. TJP gets the Black Widow on Jigsaw before switching to an Indian Deathlock. Just to show off, he gets a northern lights suplex for two on Flynn at the same time. Jigsaw sends TJP outside and slightly botches a backbreaker on Flynn. TJP dives back in to break up a cover and puts Jigsaw in a surfboard with Virgil making a save.
Black is back for a brainbuster on Virgil but Jigsaw hurricanranas him to the floor. Everyone goes to the floor so Flynn dives onto the pile for a big crash. Back in and Jigsaw ties Black in the Tree of Woe for a top rope double stomp from another corner (normally known as a dropkick but not to these commentators) for two. Jigsaw’s kneeling over the back piledriver gets two on TJP with Black making the save. Flynn takes out Black and Jigsaw but charges into a superkick from Jigsaw.
Back up and Jigsaw gets caught in a Doomsday crossbody, leaving Black to hit a Lionsault for two. TJP knocks Black off the top and it’s Flynn with a 450, only to have Jigsaw double stomp (not a dropkick this time) Virgil in the back for the save. Black is right back in though and it’s another 450 to finish TJP at 11:19.
Rating: B. They really telegraphed Black winning the title here, though it was still a good match. The problem is this is nothing that hasn’t been done several times before and several times better by more interesting people. You have to have a match like this on your show and that’s ok, but this is nothing I’m going to remember in a few hours.
Next time: Chael Sonnen gets to talk.
This time: Chael Sonnen gets to talk.
Here’s Chael Sonnen, who does indeed get to talk. Sonnen insults the fans for not knowing how to handle seeing a mega star. There are celebrities and stars and then there is Chael Sonnen. He wants the people to chant his name and take his picture. Now they should introduce themselves to each other. Those people you just met? They’re Chael Sonnen fans.
Anyway Sonnen introduces the highest paid athlete in the spot: himself! He wants a match and doesn’t care who he’s facing. Sonnen goes on a rather nice rant about all the people he can beat before saying he needs to get to his latte in his dressing room so cut his mic. Sonnen has great charisma and can talk, so this was a lot better than I was expecting.
Juicy Joey introduces us to his new partner: Oozing Austin (Jakob Austin Young, an indy guy who hasn’t done anything of note), because Kenny Klimax is gone and Joey likes multiple partners.
Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Tease N Sleaze vs. Reno Scum
Scum starts fast and takes over on Austin with Luster chopping him down in the corner. A neckbreaker over the ropes keeps him in trouble but it’s off to Joey, who gets punched in the head as well. Something like a bulldog sends Joey face first into Luster’s knee and Thornstowe’s standing moonsault….allows the tag to Austin without much effort.
Thornstowe gets caught in the corner and it’s Joey whipping him into another corner, allowing for some hip thrusting on the mat. Austin’s suplex lets Joey come in for the two count so Thornstowe is right back with a double Blockbuster. Joey gets tied into the Tree of Woe and a Razor’s Edge sends Austin into him. A curb stomp/top rope stomp finishes Austin at 8:30.
Rating: D+. That’s one of the best Scum matches I’ve ever seen and the fact that they were faces probably had a lot to do with it. They beat up an annoying team here, though the switch from Kenny to Austin was rather notable. Austin didn’t show anything here and Joey was just a guy, which is weird today given how much he’s blown up. Not a good match, but not terrible for just a step above a squash.
Of note: the brackets show the Bullet Club in the semifinals, which commentary already said that they had been replaced by another team. I know it’s a taping situation, but that doesn’t exactly make this look well put together.
Kongo Kong is getting his toenails clipped when he shoves his handler (the clipper) away.
Here’s the co-star of Roddy Piper’s final movie for a chat. The movie, the Masked Saint, is now getting great reviews but here’s Tease N Sleaze to interrupt. Joey doesn’t want to hear from this guy because no one takes wrestling more seriously than Joey does. Austin has the chance to make up for the loss, so he punches the actor out…and that’s it. Well I’m depressed.
Luke Gallows says the Bullet Club is missing the show because they got booked in Japan. They’ll be back for the Tag Team Titles.
The Bollywood Boyz are now in the finals against Reno Scum. Good for them.
PJ Black interrupts the announcers to smile at the camera.
Kevin Kross is ready for his three way match to become the new #1 contender. It’s weird hearing him talk like a rational human after his Killer Kross days. Brian Myers (Curt Hawkins) is a serious wrestler but he’s getting dropped on his head today.
Kongo Kong vs. Brian Myers vs. Kevin Kross
For the #1 contendership to the Global Title, which doesn’t actually have a champion yet. Kong’s lackey Henry Maxwell handles Kong’s introduction. Before the match, Kevin gets in an argument with MMA fighter Phil Baroni in the front row. Kong goes to the apron to start and Maxwell tells the other two to fight. Chael’s thoughts on Maxwell: he’s a good guy but he’s quit the business since the tapings took place. Kross and Myers go outside to jump Kong and the double teaming begins inside.
Kong fights them off and sends Myers outside so a splash can get two on Kross. A double chokeslam lets Kong go up top and it’s a double superplex to bring him back down. There’s a double spinebuster to take him down again but Kross fisherman suplexes Myers for two instead. A cannonball gets two on Kross so Myers gives him an enziguri. Kong powerbombs Myers onto Kross’ knees and the top rope splash lets Kong finish Myers at 8:45.
Rating: D+. Actually not terrible here and I’m rather surprised by that one. Kong continues to be one of the most embarrassing wrestlers I’ve seen in years though it makes sense to set up a monster for the first champion to face. Myers was his usual game self and Kross has potential, though he needs something to tie it all together. Maybe being a psycho.
Overall Rating: D. While it’s not terrible by any measure, it’s very, very dry and boring, which for me is a lot worse. There is absolutely nothing on here that feels inspired, fresh or even all that good in the first place. While I can understand that this isn’t meant to be watched in marathon form, there is NOTHING on here that would make me want to keep watching for more than about two weeks.
It’s all about the tournaments and I really need more than just one tournament match after another. You get a very minor story here and there but it doesn’t make for good TV and I wanted to stop multiple times throughout. Thank goodness there’s only one part left, but to suggest that this had any sort of a future is ridiculous.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – March 21, 1994: It’s Like The 80s Exploded. And It’s Bad.
IMG Credit: WWE
Monday Night Raw Date: March 21, 1994 Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
It’s the night after Wrestlemania X and that means Bret Hart is the WWF World Champion again but his brother Owen is waiting on him. Owen pinned Bret completely clean last night, setting him up as the almost automatic #1 contender to the title. That could make for a very fun spring and summer so let’s get to it.
Vince and Randy run down some of the card, including a Bret appearance. As it should be on the night after Wrestlemania.
Quebecers vs. Bushwhackers
Non-title and the first match after Wrestlemania. You know, because reasons. The Bushwhackers jump them while Johnny Polo is still conducting the theme song, giving us the required funny face. There’s a little too much whacking going on though as the Quebecers jump them from behind, only to have the Bushwhackers bite them on the pants. A pair of double clotheslines puts Jacques on the floor and Pierre down as we’re still waiting on any kind of tag match to break out.
Butch hits Luke by mistake as Vince apologizes for the ten man tag being cut due to time last night. Pierre hits Polo by mistake as well as things finally start to settle down to Butch headlocking Jacques. Luke comes in to do the same and it’s off to a quickly broken chinlock. A tag brings in Pierre, who gets pulled down in all of a few seconds so we take a break.
Back with Luke in trouble with Jacques slamming Pierre onto him for two. That means some trash talk from Jacques, who backdrops Pierre onto Luke for another near fall. Now why can Jacques throw Pierre around better than either Bushwhacker? Maybe he’s on the wrong team. Luke gets in…I think an armdrag to take Pierre down and the hot tag lets Butch come in for some house cleaning. The Battering Ram drops both Quebecers so Luke hobbles after Polo, allowing Pierre to knee Butch in the back for the pin.
Rating: D-. I was a big Bushwhackers fan back in the day but my goodness this was a chore to sit through. It’s kind of hard to get interested in one of their matches in 1994, especially against the Tag Team Champions. The ending wasn’t even anything special and it felt like it went on forever. The tag division was such a mess at this point and the Bushwhackers being the best option is all the proof you need.
Post match Polo says they can beat anyone so Captain Lou Albano comes out to issue a challenge for the titles from a mystery team. Sure, why not. Oh come on Johnny, act as smart as you are.
IRS gives us some reasons why people are tax cheats, such as they like to watch the national debt rise.
Tatanka vs. Chris Hamrick
Hamrick is semi-famous from the last few months of ECW. The announcers waste no time on getting into the news jokes of the week. Tatanka backdrops Hamrick to start and sends him into the corner for some chops. Hamrick gets sent outside for a crash and then gets pulled back in. Make up your mind Tatanka.
A suplex and powerslam connect as Vince talks about Michael Jordan playing baseball. Tatanka works on the arm because this just hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Some right hands give Hamrick some hope until he misses a charge in the corner, meaning it’s time to hit the warpath. The Papoose To Go finally finishes Hamrick.
Rating: D. Well, at least it was a little bit shorter. Tatanka seems to be ready for a push around this point, which is a little surprising after he already lost his undefeated streak last year. This was a pretty dull match and the commentators’ jokes didn’t exactly make things any better. But what else were they supposed to talk about?
Wrestlemania Report, again looking at the celebrities and the upcoming reairing.
Diesel vs. Ken Lucia
Joined in progress with Diesel hitting a flying clothesline (a big spot for him) and putting on a neck crank. The good looking side slam plants Lucia and it’s a Jackknife for the pin with one foot on the chest. Total squash, as it should have been.
Next week: Lex Luger vs. Rick Martel. Egads it’s almost hard to watch how far Luger fell.
Here’s Bret Hart for his first chat as champion. Vince recaps how he won the title and Bret admits that things didn’t start well yesterday but they certainly ended great. He’ll fight anyone, anywhere anytime, including Yokozuna. Ever the buzzkill, Vince brings up the loss to Owen but Bret has no excuses. It was just one match but Owen won it fair and square. Things are a bit different now because Bret has the title, which sounds like he’s up for a rematch.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Koko B. Ware
Normally I’d make fun of this for being the post Wrestlemania main event but they’re both in the Hall of Fame. An early hiptoss puts Koko down and Jeff is able to have a rest on the top. The fear of Koko flapping his arms (like a bird you see) sends Jeff bailing out to the floor. Back in and Jeff is smart enough (he is known to point at his head) to avoid a charge in the corner and a dropkick has Koko in more trouble. A suplex and clothesline drop Koko again but he avoids a middle rope elbow and starts the comeback. Koko hits an elbow for two and is almost immediately DDT’d for the pin.
Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting? Jarrett was hardly interesting in the first place and now you put him in there against Koko B. Ware? The country music thing wasn’t working and I think everyone knew it but that didn’t stop them from running with the exact same idea for YEARS. Oddly enough, it never actually worked. Who would have seen that coming?
Post match Jarrett gets in Jarrett’s face and it’s almost time to fight, complete with Savage waving his fists around like an 1890s boxing parody. Randy grabs for his foot and then gets inside for some right hands, sending Jeff running. Koko’s music plays and it’s so odd to see Randy celebrating to that song.
Ads for WWF Greetings On Call, where a wrestler can call and say something like Happy Birthday, Get Well or something similar. A video version of that could make a rather tidy sum today.
A quick preview of next week’s show wraps us up.
Overall Rating: F+. So the best things about this were…..I guess Diesel’s squash and Bret’s promo? If that’s all you have going for you on what should be on a pretty eventful show, you’re kind of in trouble. I know the Raw after Wrestlemania wasn’t quite the big thing that it would become but egads man. Could you give us something other than the Bushwhackers, Koko B. Ware and Michael Jordan jokes?
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – February 20, 1995: Psycho Justice
Monday Night Raw Date: February 20, 1995 Location: Macon Coliseum, Macon, Georgia Attendance: 2,751 Commentators: Jim Cornette, Vince McMahon
It’s actually a big show this week as we’re live with a big main event as Intercontinental Champion Jeff Jarrett challenges Diesel for the WWF World Title. In addition to that though, we’ll be finding out the identity of Shawn Michaels’ new bodyguard. Now one of these is actually a big deal and I’ll let you guess which it is. Let’s get to it.
Jarrett is ready to win the title.
Diesel, with his eyes bigger than they need to be, says tonight it’s WWF Unplugged when Jarrett’s lights are turned out. That’s not what unplugged means champ.
Opening sequence.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Gary Sabaugh
This is Bigelow’s return after a thirty day suspension. Bigelow has been calling out Lawrence Taylor so Taylor’s attorney issued a cease and desist lawyer. And we were supposed to cheer for Taylor? Sabaugh (longtime NWA jobber the Italian Stallion) takes Bigelow down without much effort and works on an armbar. Back up and Bigelow hits an enziguri as the fans cheer for Taylor. A chinlock eats up some time until a dropkick sets up the top rope headbutt to end Sabaugh.
Rating: D+. Nothing match of course but there’s an interesting story that I’m pretty sure is tied in to this show. Sabaugh would also help get some younger wrestlers booking with the bigger promotions (a common practice for a lot of wrestlers). However, he had a tendency to charge his wrestlers a fee for getting them booked (also a common practice).
In this case, two of them were supposed to come to the show for $150 an appearance, with Sabaugh getting $100 of that. Sabaugh left the two of them stranded in Charlotte on the way to the show but wanted the fee anyway. The wrestlers reported the incident to management and Sabaugh was let go. The two of them stuck around though and you may have heard of them: the Hardy Boyz.
Post match Bigelow calls out Taylor again.
Adam Bomb vs. Rip Rogers
The NWA is strong with this show. Bomb runs him over as Cornette is Rogers’ biggest fan. A dropkick puts Rogers outside and Bomb dives onto him for good measure. Back in and Bomb slugs away as Cornette thinks there’s something to Bomb. Vince says if Cornette was a manager, he could mold Bomb quite well. Cornette: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF I WAS A MANAGER??? WHAT DO YOU THINK I’VE DOING FOR THE LAST TWELVE YEARS???” Bomb finishes him with a top rope clothesline.
Rating: D. I’ve always been a fan of Bomb’s as he did what he was supposed to do with a power style like his. The problem is he couldn’t do something as simple as punch Rogers in the ribs without looking awkward. If nothing else there was Cornette running his mouth, which can entertain me anytime.
Bret Hart won something like the People’s Choice Award for Wrestler of the Year from WWF Magazine.
It’s time for the King’s Court with special guest Shawn Michaels to introduce his bodyguard. Before we get there though, Lawler says Bret never would have won if the fans knew what he thought about Japanese fans. This starts the Bret is racist story, which always felt like a good bit of a stretch. Anyway, Shawn talks about needing a bodyguard now that he’s won the Royal Rumble because everyone wants to take him down. Vince being annoyed at all of Shawn’s bragging and wanting him to get on it is funny.
So Shawn needs a bodyguard and it’s…..SID, who is making his return for the first time in nearly three years. Sid does his way too close to the camera interview, yelling about Diesel abandoning Shawn. What Shawn needs is a man with no remorse for anyone and there will be no bad times between the two of them. Together, they will rule the world. This was GREAT as everyone knew who Sid was and he looked like a killer so the whole thing was as good as it could have been. Outstanding stuff here and something that would set the stage for months to come.
Blu Brothers vs. Mark Starr/Leroy Howard
The Brothers clean house to start as this seems to be a short form squash. A double shoulder drops Howard and let’s go split screen with Todd Pettengill to talk about trying to get Lawrence Taylor on the phone. That’s not happening though because Taylor will be on Raw next week. Something like a belly to back suplex drops Starr as Vince compares the Appalachian Mountains to the Smoky Mountains. Starr gets tied in the ropes for a double big boot, followed by a spinebuster and legdrop for the pin.
Rating: D-. The Brothers didn’t do much for me but they probably have a record for the most gimmicks that really aren’t even slightly different than the others. I still like Howard’s look, even if he never went anywhere in his career. Bad match here of course and there’s nothing else that you should be expecting.
Diesel was at an NBA event. He still doesn’t feel like someone who belongs there, mainly due to a complete and utter lack of charisma.
WWF World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diesel
Diesel is defending and the winner gets to kill WCW. Jeff goes after him to start but gets clotheslined out to the floor without too much effort. Back in and we hit some strutting with Cornette freaking out about Jeff not paying enough attention. A good looking beal looks to set up Snake Eyes but Jeff slips out and hammers away in the corner. Roadie’s interference has no effect so Diesel throws Jeff out onto him in a heap. Diesel knuckle locks him down and we take a break.
Back with Jeff dropkicking the champ to the floor and posting him for good measure. A middle rope bulldog (more like a clothesline to the back of the head) gets two on Diesel and a good looking high crossbody gives Jeff another near fall. Diesel is right back with Snake Eyes and a big boot though and the Jackknife finishes clean to retain the title.
Rating: C+. Not bad at all here as Jarrett is perfectly good for the well planned out match. It’s really unfair that he has such a horrible reputation as he was perfectly acceptable and often quite good in the ring. Just don’t put the main event spotlight on him and everything will be fine.
Roadie goes after Diesel and gets beaten down as well. Sid and Shawn come out to watch. They’re still there after a break with Cornette quoting Psycho. Diesel is gone so Cornette talks to Shawn, who says Sid can knock Diesel out of his shoes.
A preview of Tatanka vs. Lex Luger on next week’s 100th episode wraps us up.
Overall Rating: C. Much better show here with a featured match that people might actually be interested in. I mean, no one was actually interested in Diesel but at least they were trying this time around. Diesel just isn’t working in the mainstream spot and while his in-ring stuff is acceptable, the lack of character or any real edge is killing him. Now why did everyone other than Vince get that?
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Monday Night Raw – April 25, 1994: Back to the Downward Spiral
Monday Night Raw Date: April 25, 1994 Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
It has to be better than last week, almost by definition. That being said, the big draw for the week is Nikolai Volkoff as the guest on the King’s Court. I’m really scared of what this show might do to my psyche and I survived the entirety of Nitro and Thunder. At least this one is just an hour long so let’s get to it.
Vince immediately plugs Volkoff’s appearance and we’re already in the downward spiral.
Opening sequence.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon
Non-title but if Jarrett wins, he’s going to be on a country music talk show. Vince makes sure to get in Hee Haw jokes but I’m more interested in Ramon’s powder blue boots. Jeff takes him down and swats at Razor’s head to start but is quickly tossed outside with the fall away slam. Razor follows him outside and gets sent into the steps as we see Volkoff sitting in the crowd (not mentioned by commentary).
Jeff gets two off an elbow to the jaw and there’s the middle rope fist drop for the same. We hit the chinlock as the announcers switch over to boxing. Back from a break with Razor’s sunset flip getting two and Savage needing a shower. It’s off to a sleeper for the required two arm drops. Savage: “I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!”
Razor’s belly to back suplex gets two but gets sent outside….and here’s Shawn Michaels. Shawn doesn’t do anything but Razor hits him in the jaw anyway. Well to be fair he’s a bad guy. Razor makes his latest comeback and clotheslines Jeff to the floor but stops to pull Shawn inside. The beating is on, only to have Diesel come in for the DQ.
Rating: C+. The match wasn’t even all that great but it’s already made the show better than anything else they had going on in recent weeks. Jarrett certainly isn’t the most interesting wrestler in the world but at least he’s capable of having a good match if you give him the right opponent. He and Razor always had good chemistry too so the match was certainly watchable.
Diesel destroys Razor post match, including hitting the Jackknife and standing on his chest. Shawn does the same and drops the title on Ramon. Diesel would win the title on Sunday’s TV show.
Shawn says Diesel is the real champion. Diesel says the opportunity was there and he seized it.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tony DeVito
The announcers talk about Jimmy Carter’s daughter and Prince Charles’ dog. Vince: “I don’t get the connection.” DeVito hits a shoulder but gets dropkicked down. Out of current news to discuss/mock, Vince gets a call from Jack Tunny, who officially makes the Quebecers vs. the Headshrinkers for the titles next week. Bigelow finishes with the enziguri.
The Quebecers will face the Headshrinkers but they’re NOT happy with it.
The Mayor of Stamford, Connecticut thanks the company for a fundraiser they held recently. Did we mention Vince was dealing with the steroids trial around this time? No connection of course but just though I’d throw that out there.
Heavenly Bodies vs. John Paul/Jason Headings
Paul gets thrown around to start so it’s off to the long haired Headings, who takes a quick Veg-O-Matic for two. We hear about Mr. Perfect no showing a match in Cincinnati and an indefinite suspension as a result. Translation: he’s left the company, as would the Steiners and the Quebecers around this time. Del Ray takes Headings down and gyrates his (own) hips, which Vince calls disgusting. Prichard suplexes Del Ray into a moonsault for two as Vince talks about National Secretaries Week. Del Ray’s moonsault press finishes Jason.
Rating: D+. I couldn’t stand the Bodies back in the day but they’ve grown on me in repeat viewings. They were a solid, slower paced team and that’s where Cornette was perfect as the manager. Good little squash here with Del Ray’s high flying helping move things along quite well.
It’s King’s Court time with Lawler bringing up Volkoff, who is $8 shy of having thirty cents. Lawler mocks the hideous brown suit as you can see a lot of empty seats in the upper deck. That’s a bad sign when the building only holds about 5,700. Lawler makes jokes about Volkoff’s poverty but Volkoff says he’ll tell the truth. He’s just come from Europe but now he’s home in the United States. He’s made some bad investments and has lost a lot of money, though he’ll still fight Lawler anytime. Volkoff is looking for a job and is willing to work for any honest man. We’re actually to the point where a former evil foreign goon is the sympathetic face? There was NO ONE else available for this story?
1-2-3 Kid vs. Duane Gill
The announcers AGAIN talk about the Wrestlemania Revenge house show tour as Kid gets hammered in the corner to start. Kid gets in a top rope clothesline and a spinning kick to the jaw to take over. Gill takes him back down and grabs a chinlock as Vince gets on Savage for failing at reading an ad for a movie. Kid fights up and finishes with the spinwheel kick.
Rating: D+. At least Kid’s offense is entertaining enough to make these things a bit more bearable. Gill was one of those career jobbers until he somehow wound up winning the Light Heavyweight Title because you never can guess how things are going to go in wrestling. Nothing to see here of course but I’m still trying to get my head around Volkoff being a face, even for a short bit of time.
A guy at a deli saw Undertaker buying cheese. Apparently he likes pickles too. And they wonder why they were in peril at this point.
Owen Hart vs. Rich Myers
Owen trips him down to start and slaps him in the face as you can see at least four empty seats in the first five rows. A gutwrench suplex plants Myers as we hit the WE WANT BRET chants. The beating continues until Owen avoids a dropkick and grabs the Sharpshooter for the submission.
Rating: D. Another boring squash but that’s just what you have to expect at this point. Owen was on a roll at this point though and the WE WANT BRET chants at least show that they have a hot angle. Unfortunately it would be FOUR MONTHS before their title match with almost nothing of note in between from the two of them.
Johnny Polo and Lou Albano argue some more. Johnny: “WHAT ARE YOU A CAPTAIN OF ANYWAY???” Savage has had enough and grabs Polo so Albano can nail him to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The opener helps this a lot but it’s very clear that the extra pay per views in 1995 helped a lot. There’s just NOTHING between Wrestlemania and King of the Ring and even that was a pretty lame show. Owen vs. Bret will be good but we’ll all be dead of old age by the time we get there. Bad show, but not as bad as the rest of the terrible month.
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Monday Night Raw – April 18, 1994: When Even Bret Can’t Save You
Monday Night Raw Date: April 18, 1994 Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
Save us Bret. Like please, SAVE US. The shows have gotten even more boring than they’ve been in the months leading up to this, which I wouldn’t have believed to be possible. Thank goodness Bret is back tonight and hopefully he can turn things around a bit. As long as Men on a Mission isn’t wrestling, we should be ok. Let’s get to it.
We open with a clip of Lawler falling off the throne last week.
Opening sequence.
Savage wants a title shot against Bret. Why didn’t he get one at some point actually?
Bret Hart vs. Kwang
Non-title. Kwang wastes no time in jumping Bret during the entrances and scores off some early kicks. If nothing else we get the highly amusing idea of Vince trying to call the various kicks in a moment that would make Eric Bischoff cry. Bret easily takes him down and works on the arm, only to be sent hard out to the floor. A weak forearm from the apron drops Bret again as Vince says Kwang could be ranked in contention for the title if he wins here. I’ll take that over “getting into the title hunt”.
Back from a break with Bret still in trouble via a nerve hold as Owen Hart calls in. The power of his brother’s voice lets Bret get in a crossbody, only to have Kwang choke him on the ropes again. Bret avoids a spinwheel kick as Owen brags about beating Bret at Wrestlemania (as he should). The Five Moves of Doom set up the Sharpshooter to make Kwang quit. Savage: “THIS IS HISTORY!”
Rating: D. What were you expecting here? When a guy isn’t even good enough to guarantee a spot in the title hunt by beating the champ, it might be time to find a better career. Like as a Caribbean legend with a high level of success strap matches. Bret vs. Owen is clearly the big match coming up and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Doink and Dink were at a charity hockey game. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Jeff Jarrett vs. P.J. Walker
The announcers talk about current events to avoid having to talk about how bad this match could be. Jeff takes him down to start and runs his mouth about wanting respect. Well I guess Jarrett is higher up in the ranks than Kwang. Savage STILL wants a shot at Bret and again I want to know why that never went anywhere, even as a one off house show match. We hit the abdominal stretch and let’s talk about a book written by Bill Clinton’s mother. Jarrett keeps things slow with a slingshot suplex and middle rope fist drop (Where’s Lawler when you need him?). A DDT ends Walker.
Rating: D. It’s slightly better than the opener, mainly due to a lack of Caribbean martial arts. Jarrett was ridiculously boring though and that’s not made any better by Vince ripping on Clinton for some issues with beauty queens. I’ll spare you the Trump joke/reference for now and get away from this match as fast as I can.
Lou Albano wants a title shot for the Headshrinkers next week.
Steiner Brothers vs. Barry Hardy/Mike Khoury
Scott throws Khoury around with ease before it’s off to Barry, who eats a t-bone suplex of his own. A hard kick to the ribs makes things even worse as the Steiners are seeming a bit stiffer than usual. Rick sends Barry ribs first into the corner as Savage implies he’d date Christie Brinkley. He has good taste if nothing else.
Scott ties Barry in the Tree of Woe and chokes as Vince points out that the Steiners are being more aggressive than usual. More Clinton sex jokes follow and Rick busts out a belly to belly superplex. A middle rope Angle Slam plants Barry and it’s the FREAKING STEINER SCREWDRIVER (completely ignored by the announcers) to end Khoury.
Rating: D+. I could watch that Screwdriver all day as it’s one of the best looking finishers of all time. On top of that, I could go for more of these aggressive Steiner Brothers but unfortunately they were on their way out of the promotion due to wanting to work more in Japan. At least we get one more good squash before they leave in a month or so and that’s never a bad thing.
Duke Droese, the wrestling garbageman, is coming. Duke: “I don’t take trash from anyone. Well yeah I do.” And that’s all you need to know about Duke Droese.
It’s time for the King’s Court with guest Women’s Champion Alundra Blayze so Lawler gets in some ugly jokes before she comes out. There’s no title belt to start but Blayze does have a gift for Lawler: a Burger King crown labeled Lawler is a Loser. Hard hitting indeed. Blayze makes jokes about last week’s fall, which is getting more mileage than Wrestlemania at this point.
We hear about this being a ripoff of Piper’s Pit (well duh) and Blayze thinks Piper should be getting royalties. Lawler goes into a rant about Piper wearing a dress and manages to spit on Blayze. He gets to the point of asking about the belt, which Blayze turns into a question about Lawler wearing women’s clothes.
Lawler brings out Luna Vachon, with Lawler suggesting that Luna stole the title. If she did, Blayze didn’t seem too mad about it until Vachon came out here. Luna says she didn’t steal the title but if she was champion, she would keep her belt with her. Blayze accuses Luna of stealing the title so she can feel like a champion and challenges her to a fight. Of course she leaves before Luna can do anything, making this a rather awkward segment.
Blayze was REALLY bad on the mic here but it’s fairly clear that she didn’t get to talk very much. It would take her a long time to get better on that and while she was never great, she would be passable and that’s about all you need to be, especially when women’s wrestling wasn’t a big deal during her era.
Earthquake vs. Mike Bell
Vince AGAIN pushes the house show tour, including speculation of Earthquake vs. Yokozuna. Earthquake sends him outside to start and Bell actually gets in some right hands on the way back in. A dropkick (topsy turvy according to Savage) puts Bell down though and it’s time for the squashilization to begin. Earthquake gets in a second dropkick and grabs a belly to belly as I think you get the idea from here. The big leg sets up the Earthquake for the easy pin.
Rating: D. I always forget that Earthquake was a moderately big deal in 1994 and how odd it always seems. That’s quite odd as he was a Tag Team Champion as late as fall 1992 so this is hardly the biggest stretch in the world. If nothing else though, I get why he left to be a main event jobber in WCW instead of losing to Yokozuna over and over.
We look at IRS attacking Tatanka and Chief Jay Strongbow over Tatanka’s headdress. You have to pay those gift taxes you see.
IRS vs. Major Yates
Yates, who unfortunately isn’t a military guy, gets sent into the buckle to start as the IRWIN chants get going. We hit an early abdominal stretch, followed by a seated half nelson of all things. A sunset flip gives Yates two (Savage: “MAJOR YATES IS COOL!”) but the Penalty (STF) puts him away with no effort.
Rating: D-. For the love of all things good and holy END THIS SHOW ALREADY! If nothing else let me have some shorter squashes so I don’t have to come up with something to talk about every single time. These things are somehow getting worse and that makes for a very long set of matches.
Johnny Polo is NOT worried about fighting the Headshrinkers and he’s not heading to Toronto to beg Jack Tunney to not make the match.
Lawler promises Nikolai Volkoff as his guest next week. That’s your draw here people.
Overall Rating: F. Thank goodness it’s over. This was one of the worst episodes the show has ever done as it was just so BORING. The squashes were all longer than they needed to be and Bret was clearly not all that interested in doing anything of note. Terrible show here and I’ll take anything else at this point.
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Slammiversary 2017 Date: July 2, 2017 Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida Commentators: Robert Flores, Don West
It’s both a milestone and a farewell as Impact Wrestling is all set to be renamed Global Force Wrestling. While it’s not clear what all that means, tonight is also the anniversary show with a few title unification matches between Impact Wrestling and GFW. Possibly the biggest match on the card though is a battle between announcers. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about what you would expect: history is awesome and tonight is a big night.
An owl flies into the arena to land on a Slammiversary logo. Sweet chicken wings with a sauce that’s sweet but not too spicy, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE STUPID OWL!
The bosses of Crash, Noah, AAA and Impact are here for the opener.
Impact Wrestling Tag Team Titles/GFW Tag Team Titles: Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Drago/El Hijo de Fantasma vs. Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishimori vs. LAX
LAX is defending under lucha rules (going to the floor means the same as a tag) and this is one fall to a finish. Santana and Marufuji start things off with Marufuji flipping out of a wristlock but getting kicked in the face. They flip into a standoff and trade chops until Santana charges into a good looking dropkick.
It’s off to Ishimori and Laredo with Taiji bouncing off the ropes over and over for kicks to the head. Laredo hits the floor so Ortiz comes in for a kick of his own as the fans chant for LAX. Ortiz gets two off a Death Valley Driver and everything breaks down. Garza takes off his pants (as is his custom), allowing Drago to springboard in with a dropkick. Drago and Fantasma take over on Santana and then Ishimori but LAX’s manager Diamante gets in a kick of her own so the champs can take over.
A tandem powerbomb gets two on Ishimori and the Street Sweeper is good for two on Drago. Laredo comes off the top with a clothesline to Ortiz while Garza hits a World’s Strongest Slam on Santana for a sweet looking spot. Things settle down with Ortiz heading up top, shoving Laredo and Garza away, and moonsaulting down onto Drago for two with Marufuji making the save.
Diamante tries to interfere again and gets powerbombed onto LAX. Fantasma hits a modified Tombstone for two with Marufuji making a save. Ishimori eats a suicide dive and Homicide adds (and nearly botches) a Gringo Killer on the apron. Drago sends Ishimori to the floor with a tornado DDT and something like a C4 2000 gets two on Santana. Ortiz is back in with a belly to belly superplex and the Street Sweeper retains the titles at 15:22.
Rating: B. That’s a heck of an opener and they were moving WAY too fast to keep track of everything going on out there. This was a great choice to start the show as they just flew all over the place and didn’t bother with stuff like tagging, which they shouldn’t have in something like this match. You book a match like this for the sake of chaos and entertainment, which is what we got.
Joseph Park has good news for Jeremy Borash: tonight’s tag match is No DQ. JB: “WHAT??? YOU’RE GOING TO GET ME KILLED!” Park says don’t worry.
We recap Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake. Basically Moose has been dealing with a two on one deficit and needed some help so he brought in an NFL buddy. Moose also has NFL player Gary Barnidge and NASCAR driver Austin Dillon with him.
Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis
Moose throws Adonis around to start and hits his always good looking dropkick. It’s off to Williams to roll Drake up and grab an armdrag before handing it back to Moose. That’s probably all he should be doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. Moose’s running dropkick in the corner gets two but Adonis gets in a shot from the apron to take over.
That doesn’t last long as Moose fist pumps himself up and brings Williams back in for a one knee Codebreaker and a near fall of his own. Everything breaks down and Moose hits his bicycle kick to set up back to back sentons. Williams is left alone in the ring to kick both villains through the ropes, followed by Moose moonsaulting out to the floor. It’s table time but Adonis and Drake take Moose down and put him on it instead. Drake poses a bit too long though and gets shoved down. Moose tells DeAngelo to do it and a frog splash (!!!) hits Adonis (doesn’t break the table but the splash looked good) for the pin at 10:50.
Rating: B-. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale as Williams is literally brand new at this but DANG. I was legitimately impressed by what he did out there as I was expecting Dennis Rodman’s stuff from WCW (he does like two basic moves and the announcers act like he’s the best thing ever) but he looked like he was an indy level talent at worst. That might be the best celebrity/athlete performance I’ve ever seen and was a very, very pleasant surprise.
Post match Moose powerbombs Drake through the table to make sure everything is covered.
Ethan Carter III is ready to beat up James Storm because he’s the real man Impact needs.
We recap Carter vs. Storm. Carter lost a #1 contenders match earlier this year and blamed Storm, who he whipped 31 times with a strap. Now it’s a strap match with Carter thinking he belongs here because of his name and Storm out for revenge and blood.
James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III
They’re strapped together and you win by pinfall or submission (thank goodness). Storm unloads with right hands to start and there’s the first strap shot. Carter gets dropped hard onto the apron (which is the hardest part of the ring you know) and sent into the barricade but a strap shot takes over again.
Back in and we hit the choke with the strap but Storm isn’t going to take any more. The comeback is on in a hurry but Carter sends him into the corner for a breather. It’s handcuff time with Storm in trouble, only to pull the old switch and get Carter cuffed instead. Storm gets in thirty two lashes (one more than he gave Storm) and NOW the referee unlocks the cuffs. I’m sure Carter is thrilled with the timing.
A 1%er gives Storm two but Carter sends him into the post for a breather. Carter hits the 1%er as well for the same result and that’s not cool. There’s the Last Call but Storm collapses. Carter gives him a lifting sitout Pedigree (Christopher Daniels’ Angel’s Wings) for the pin at 10:45.
Rating: C. I wasn’t feeling this one as much as the strap shots weren’t the biggest focus, save for that one time in the corner. Storm collapsing is an interesting angle but I’m worried about where it might be going. Carter winning is the right call as there’s a good chance he’s going to be challenging El Patron soon.
Karen Jarrett and Dutch Mantell can’t find Bruce Prichard.
We recap Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner vs. Joseph Park/Jeremy Borash. Matthews is a loudmouthed announcer who brags about his former career. Borash stood up to him and a tag match was set up. This feud has been going on for about three months now and I absolutely cannot stand the thing. It’s basically been the top story for months now and since the commentators are on the show all the time, it’s talked about throughout the shows.
Jeremy Borash/Joseph Park vs. Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner
No DQ and D’Angelo Dinero joins commentary. Josh starts with Park and flips around a bit, followed by a kick to the head. A crossbody doesn’t work so it’s off to Steiner, who looks to be about 50lbs (of muscle) lighter than he was in his regular career. He’s also wearing a shirt, which he would never do given that his character was built around a great physique. Again, there was NO ONE ELSE on the active roster that could play this role?
Borash hands it right back to Park….and they run to the back for a pre-taped segment. Park and Borash grab a fire extinguisher while Steiner and Matthews are in a golf cart. A car with a random fan (I think he was in one of the Final Deletion segments) shows up so Matthews and Steiner steal that to give chase, but they can’t catch an announcer and an out of shape lawyer on foot.
They finally get out of the car (which had cameras inside) and chase after them with Matthews being backdropped into a pool while Steiner throws Park through a wall. With a camera under the water, the Jaws theme starts playing and Shark Boy shows up to bite Matthews. Steiner leaves Park and here’s Father James Mitchell (Abyss’ old manager) to say happy anniversary.
Back inside (and after an unnecessary cameo from celebrity chef Robert Irvine) and Matthews misses a Swanton. Josh spears him down but here’s Steiner for the save. Matthews grabs a hug which is called a Steiner Recliner, only to have Shark Boy come in for the failed save attempt. Now Steiner puts on the Recliner and we’ve got Abyss to get rid of Scott without much effort. The Black Hole Slam onto the tacks crushes Josh and Borash adds a top rope splash to give Abyss the pin at 10:50.
Rating: C. That was as good as it was going to be and the Shark Boy thing made me chuckle a bit. You knew Abyss was going to be in there at some point and there’s nothing wrong with that as it was the only way they could really go. Steiner could have been any heel here though and that’s not a good thing. Again, it looks like the company has no faith in its roster, which is a very bad sign. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course, but I’m more worried about it continuing until we have a singles match at Bound For Glory. Just let it be over as I don’t think anyone really cared much for this in the first place. Please let it end.
We recap the Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love. The Wolves broke up and Eddie blamed Angelina, but Davey said she just told him to follow his heart. Tonight it’s Full Metal Mayhem (TLC with pins) in what is likely the final fight.
Davey Richards/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards
Full Metal Mayhem with the heels taking over via some early cheap shots. They waste no time in bringing in the weapons with Alisha trash canning Love down. Back in and the good guys take over with Richards and Love having a trash can being put on top of their heads for a double kendo stick shot.
Eddie powerbombs Alisha onto Davey (Flores: That’s in the wedding vows right?) but Love finds a cup of tacks. The tacks are poured into Eddie’s mouth for a kick to the head (straight out of PWG) but Alisha powerbombs Love through a table. Eddie is right there after here and it’s a powerbomb to put Davey through another table for the pin at 8:53.
Rating: C. And this is why you don’t book back to back hardcore matches. We literally saw tacks used less than twenty minutes ago and while the spot here was more intense, it’s still thumb tacks again. The right team won but my goodness I hope that ends the feud. There’s not much left for Richards and Edwards to do but Bound For Glory is always a possibility. Also what was with the REALLY short run time?
We recap Low Ki vs. Sonjay Dutt. Sonjay finally won the X-Division Title in his native India and Low Ki wants a rematch, which will be 2/3 falls.
X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki
Low Ki is challenging in a two out of three falls match. Feeling out process to start as they fight over a wristlock. They grab a test of strength with Dutt being taken to the mat but bridging up. A knee to the ribs actually breaks the bridge and we hit a standoff. Dutt takes him down in a waistlock, followed by a tornado DDT.
A moonsault misses and Low Ki dropkicks him into the corner for two. Dutt tries a springboard hurricanrana but Low Ki rolls through for a standing Warrior’s Way and the first fall at 7:26. After a brief break they head outside with Dutt being sent into the barricade. A kick to the knee takes Dutt down on the apron but another Warrior’s Way only hurts Low Ki’s ankle.
The ankle slows things down but OF COURSE he’s playing possum and throws the referee into Dutt. A big springboard kick to the head gives Low Ki two. He tries a top rope Warrior’s Way but only hits the steps, followed by Dutt sending him hard into the barricade. Back in and Low Ki hits a quick Warrior’s Way, only to try a choke instead, allowing Dutt to roll him up for the second fall at 13:26.
Dutt gets kicked down again but Low Ki seems to have hurt his hand. It’s fine enough for the Ki Crusher and two. Dutt goes up but gets dropped face first onto the buckle. Low Ki takes too much time going up though and a backdrop sets up the moonsault double stomp (still a scary looking finisher) to retain Dutt’s title at 18:40.
Rating: B. The ending surprised me but it’s nice to have Dutt get a big win like this to make his reign seem less like a fluke. That and Low Ki losing is always a good thing in my eyes as I’ve never cared for the guy. The moonsault double stomp is still insanely cool looking though and it was a great way to wrap the match up, especially after all the times Low Ki was using the Warrior’s Way.
We recap the Women’s Title match, which is Sienna being polished vs. Rosemary being crazy.
Impact Wrestling Knockouts Title/Global Force Wrestling Women’s Title: Rosemary vs. Sienna
Unification match and Gail Kim is at ringside. Rosemary has an army of freaks with her. Rosemary goes right after her and here are Laurel Van Ness and KM for the nearly immediate distraction. Sienna gets thrown out onto them and orders them to the back, leaving us one on one again.
Back in and Sienna hammers away before grabbing a chinlock. Rosemary gets sent hard into the barricade, only to fight out of a Tree of Woe for a German superplex. That doesn’t do much actually as the Red Wedding is broken up and Sienna gets two off the Silencer. The second Red Wedding attempt connects but here’s Van Ness to pull out the ref. Allie comes in for the save but the distraction lets Sienna get in a belt shot for two. The mist is blocked and Sienna rubs it in Rosemary’s eyes, setting up a guillotine to make Rosemary tap at 10:03.
Rating: C-. I’m still not sure why these two are fighting or why I should care about the GFW Women’s Title but that’s the case for the entire “promotion” pretty much since its inception. The match was a good brawl but the overbooking really dragged things down. This story has been going on for months now and it doesn’t seem anywhere close to being finished, even though there’s not much left for them to fight over.
Here’s Jeff Jarrett for a chat. He thanks the fans for helping the Jarrett Family over the years. For fifteen years, the fans have supported this company and he wants to say thank you. He’s ready for the main event and says they’ve got a lot to follow. This was short and classy, which is always nice.
We recap the main event with Lashley’s Impact Wrestling World Title vs. Alberto El Patron’s GFW World Title. Alberto beat Lashley earlier in the year but the level of shenanigans caused the match to be overturned. They’ve built this up very well and the videos have helped a lot.
Impact Wrestling World Title/Global Force Wrestling World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Alberto El Patron
Unification match. Lashley has a bunch of MMA fighters with him while Alberto has his father and brother with him. The fighters, save for King Mo, and Alberto’s brother all leave so it’s just Mo and Dos Caras Sr. They hit the mat to start with Alberto kicking at the legs to set up a standoff.
Lashley looks serious and they head outside with Lashley sending Alberto head first into the table five times in a row. Back in and Lashley charges into some raised boots but grabs a neckbreaker. Alberto is back up with a superplex for no cover and they slug it out from their knees. Some right hands in the corner are countered with a powerbomb to give Lashley two.
Lashley is starting to get cocky as he hammers away in the corner but the armbreaker has him in quick trouble. We get the big power up spot with Lashley powerbombing him down for two more. A middle rope Death Valley Driver of all things gives Lashley another near fall and King Mo grabs a chair.
Lashley is content with slapping Alberto in the face, earning himself a kick to the head for two. Dos Caras stares Mo down, leaving Lashley to grab a cross armbreaker. That goes nowhere so a spear gets two, only to have the second spear eat a dropkick. Alberto sends him into the corner and hits the top rope double stomp for the pin and both titles at 19:29.
Rating: B. That’s about what I expected: good, back and forth match with hard hitting action and little to no emotion to the whole thing. I’m assuming their World Title matches are this way by design but it’s never been my favorite style. The World Title matches often feel like they’re contractually obligated instead of personal, which is certainly an option but I could go for more hated/personal issues in the build. Still though, solid match with the right ending.
Alberto celebrates with the roster to end the show. Of note: the logo says GFW Impact Wrestling.
Overall Rating: B. This was actually a heck of a show, which tends to be the case when the company cuts out all the nonsense (and the horrible commentary, which was a MAJOR upgrade tonight) and stupid stuff that they do so often. If nothing else, the matches here were long enough with the wrestlers working hard throughout. I had a good time with the show and while there are definitely issues that need to be fixed, they had a good night tonight to end/begin an old/new era. Call this a very, very pleasant surprise but nothing you need to get used to, given this company’s track record.
Results
LAX b. Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishmori, Drago/El Hijo de Fantasma and Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Street Sweeper to Drago
Moose/DeAngelo Williams b. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Frog splash to Adonis
Ethan Carter III b. James Storm – Lifting sitout Pedigree
Joseph Park/Jeremy Borash b. Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner – Top rope splash to Matthews
Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards b. Davey Richards/Angelina Love – Powerbomb through a table to Richards
Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Moonsault double stomp
Sienna b. Rosemary – Guillotine
Alberto El Patron b. Lashley – Top rope double stomp
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Monday Night Raw – December 20, 1993: New York Isn’t Memphis
Monday Night Raw Date: December 20, 1993
Location: Westchester County Civic Center, White Plains, New York
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels
We’re getting close to wrapping up the year and that means it’s time to get ready for the Royal Rumble. Last week focused on setting up the casket match which will see Undertaker challenge Yokozuna for the WWF Title and we’ve heard rumblings of Bret Hart vs. his brother Owen. At least one of them is awesome. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Ludvig Borga beating Tatanka back in October, ending his two plus year undefeated streak. Borga then helped put him on the shelf so tonight it’s all about revenge. Tatanka: “Tonight, I’m out for revenge!” Well that makes things pretty clear.
Vince and Shawn chat about tonight’s show.
Jeff Jarrett vs. PJ Walker
Two future World Champions, which would have made the audience shake their heads in 1993. Now it makes me want to cry as my head shakes but that’s just me. Jeff struts away from an Irish whip but gets hiptossed down. That’s about it for Walker at the moment though as Jeff gets in a dropkick. The announcers talk about Jack Tunney being up for Secretary of Defense as Jeff misses a kneedrop, only to grab a running DDT for the pin.
Rating: D. Sweet goodness Jarrett was dull. I’m not a fan of country music and now I have to hear about it every single time Jarrett is in the ring. The running DDT was fine for a finisher but DANG the rest of him was someone who was only going to work in Memphis. It’s such a simple style of offense and that’s not going to make it on the main stage.
Spend your money to tell the WWF that Lex Luger should be in the Royal Rumble!
Men on a Mission vs. Duane Gill/Barry Hardy
Mo takes Gill (with hair here instead of his better known bald look) down with an armbar and actually manages to avoid any major injuries. It must be a good night. Mabel comes in and drops the big fat elbow as the announcers talk about someone dying from eating pigs. Michael Cole doesn’t even sound this awkward. Vince isn’t done yet as he suggests that the Royal Rumble could come down to Mo vs. Mabel. Imagine that: Mabel as a main eventer. That’ll be the day. More slow paced arm work continues as Shawn sounds a bit “under the weather”. A reverse DDT and the middle rope splash end Hardy.
Rating: F. I used to love Men on a Mission but WOW they haven’t aged well. Mabel was acceptable enough for the big fat monster but Mo might be the most worthless wrestler I can remember from this era. You could even say that Hardy and Gill were more valuable as they give me flashbacks to Gillberg and Barry gives me imagines of Broken Barry Horowitz.
The Royal Rumble Report runs down the card and the nine names in the Rumble.
Ludvig Borga is ready to crush Tatanka again.
Tatanka vs. Ludvig Borga
Tatanka chops away and we get a graphic listing the announcers. In case you’re flipping through and hoping to avoid Rio Rogers I guess. Borga is in early trouble and gets sent into the post, meaning it’s WAR PATH time. A high crossbody gets two but Borga gets in a clothesline for his first offense over two minutes in. The former boxer starts hammering away in the corner and gets two off a bad looking powerslam. Tatanka starts the comeback but here’s Yokozuna for the DQ.
Rating: D+. I always liked Borga but time haven’t been the nicest to him. He has a good enough look and was a solid character but the in-ring work wasn’t exactly strong. On the other hand, Tatanka is a good example of someone who lived WAY beyond his expiration date and turned a one note character into a pretty nice career.
Tatanka gets double teamed but Lex Luger makes the save with a slam on Yokozuna.
The announcers bicker about what we just saw. Shawn doesn’t like Luger using the forearm, which sounds like the start of a feud that never happened.
Lou Albano is presented to the crowd for no apparent reason.
Adam Bomb vs. Mark Thomas
Bomb shoves him around and rips at Thomas’ face. Vince: “Thomas is a big Barney fan!” That’s the topic of the match with Shawn accusing Barney of charging 427% interest for a personal appearance. As you digest that brilliance, Thomas is powerbombed for the pin.
Thurman Plugg is coming.
We look at Owen Hart challenging his brother last week.
Bret says no way.
Owen Hart vs. Mike Bell
Bell actually wins a fight over the arm to start so Owen hits something like a headscissors driver (he does have a tendency to drive people’s heads into the mat) to take over. Shawn accuses Bret of getting more Christmas presents than Owen as Hart drops a middle rope elbow. A belly to belly sets up the Sharpshooter to make Bell tap.
Rating: D+. Bell got in WAY more offense than I was expecting to see here and that makes Hart’s win mean just a bit more. The announcers also made sure to point out the fact that Owen got in a lot of original offense instead of just using Bret’s stuff. They’re trying to show the difference between the two and that’s going to set up the feud even better.
We go to Undertaker’s shop (complete with a sign, meaning it’s an official registered business, which is quite the departure from what you would expect from Undertaker) where he’s working on Yokozuna’s double sized casket.
Headshrinkers vs. Phil Apollo/Jerry Seavey
Apollo would wind up playing Doink a few years later. Samu hammers away on everyone as we hear about Donald Trump’s upcoming wedding. Their conclusion: Trump is no Heart Break Kid. Seavey gets beaten from one side of the ring to the other and a double Stroke sets up a top rope splash for the pin.
Overall Rating: D. Nothing to see here but it’s a long way towards the Royal Rumble. The Bret vs. Owen stuff is starting to go somewhere though and that’s one of the best feuds the company has ever put together. Unfortunately the rest of the stuff was as boring as you could imagine with Jarrett being a major low point for the show.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 24, 1994: Somebody Do Something
Monday Night Raw Date: January 24, 1994 Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross
Here’s a rare one as we have a TV show taped before a pay per view yet serving as the fallout show. There’s a chance that the commentary has been updated (remember that the Rumble was on a Saturday so they would have extra time) but this could be an interesting case. Let’s get to it.
Lex Luger vs. Austin Steele
The commentary has indeed been done post-Rumble as the announcers talk about Luger being a co-winner. Steele has a great name but looks like Buddy Landel, which isn’t the best thing in the world in 1994. Luger starts with the right hands and a pair of hiptosses but Steele actually gets in a few shots to the ribs to take over. Lex grabs a belly to back followed by a regular superplex for the pin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use that as a finisher and….well it was just a superplex so there isn’t much to say about it.
Rating: D. Just a match here and the ending didn’t exactly do much. It’s a smart move to have Luger on here two nights after he won a major match. I know the fans didn’t get that at the time but at least they’re keeping him on TV to keep him hot. You would think he’d be a bit more upset but he can’t actually say that until next week.
We hit the Royal Rumble recap to cover everything major. Todd does screw up and say the show was last night (it was two nights ago).
Jeff Jarrett vs. John Paul
Jeff starts with a dropkick but gets small packaged and sunset flipped for two each. The comeback doesn’t take long though as JR brings up a good point about Jarrett: for someone who wants to be a country singer, he certainly dresses oddly for his wrestling matches. Jarrett misses an elbow and gets rolled up for two, followed by some uppercuts to the jaw. Jeff comes right back with a rollup and a handful of trunks for the pin.
Rating: D+. Well it was better than Luger’s match. I know his later stuff wasn’t the most interesting in the world but DEAR GOODNESS Jeff was so much worse back at this point. The gimmick, the look and the wrestling itself really didn’t work and that’s a dangerous combination. It’s bad enough when one of them isn’t up to par but with 1994 Jarrett, I’m not sure any of them were.
Men on a Mission vs. Headshrinkers
Men on a Mission are replacing the Harts, which is annoying as I wanted to see the original match. Mo sends Fatu into the corner in one of the only successful things you’ll ever see him do. The Samoans head outside for a breather as this is already dragging. For some reason Mo tries a faceplant and is almost immediately superkicked down.
It’s off to Mabel to scare Fatu, who actually tries a slam. A pair of superkicks actually bring Mabel down to a knee but for some reason Fatu tries a suplex. That earns him a big boot to the face before it’s back to Mo as we take a break. Back with Mo taking a double clothesline and giving one of the most bewildered faces I’ve ever seen. Mo is sent into the steps and chopped down but does manage to get in a sunset flip.
Fatu is right there for a save, which probably isn’t necessary considering it’s freaking Mo (Did I mention I’m not a fan of his?). A double headbutt gets two more but Mo manages to fall into the ropes to crotch Fatu. The hot tag brings in Mabel for all of his usual stuff, only to have the Samoans knock him outside. Mo takes another double headbutt and a top rope splash for the pin.
Rating: D-. Who decided that Men on a Mission should have gone this far? Being a big Headshrinkers fan helped a bit but this was hardly the easiest thing in the world to watch. Mabel was good for a big man but…..yeah Mo was horrible. Like horrible horrible. The look on his face when he got beaten up was amusing though.
Adam Bomb vs. Tommy Angel
Angel shrugs off some offense and scores with a few dropkicks, only to get shoved into the corner for a stomping. Bomb dropkicks him in the ribs as the announcers take shots at Bill Clinton. JR switches over to blaming Harvey Wippelman for screwing up Bomb’s career as Adam hits a top rope clothesline. The Atom Smasher (powerbomb) puts Tommy away.
Rating: D. Angel was a regular jobber around this time so he was able to put on a watchable match. The same could be said for Bomb, who was a good power guy but with a gimmick based on being the result of a nuclear disaster who sounded like he was from southern Alabama was a bit too much for him to overcome.
Sparky Plugg loves cars.
Doink the Clown vs. Joey Stallings
Dink has an invisible dog….and the jobber actually sells for it. JR: “Stallings is a sandwich or two short of a picnic.” Doink gets two off a belly to belly and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Stallings grabs a bad looking side slam, only to miss a dropkick. Doink grabs a powerslam and finishes with the Whoopee Cushion.
Rating: D-. I’m not sure what there is to say about this one. Do you really brag about beating someone who was attacked by a non-existent dog? I know 1994 was kind of a dumb time but are we really to the point where jobbers are scared of a tiny clown’s invisible dog. I…..can’t believe I actually had to type that.
Tyrone Knox vs. Shawn Michaels
Knox has a good look. They run the ropes to start with Shawn taking him down and dropping an elbow across his back. Knox’s offense doesn’t go very far as Shawn gets in a hiptoss and stomp to the head. We hit the chinlock and Vince confirms that the WWF will NOT be replacing the NFL on CBS. Thanks for that boss. Knox gets in a few headbutts (JR: “YOU GO TYRONE!”) but it’s a superkick and the piledriver (good one too) for the pin.
Rating: D+. Shockingly Shawn has the best match on the card. It helps when you have someone who doesn’t look like a complete loser and Knox at least looked good at times. It’s still just a squash but when you have a decent opponent and one heck of a piledriver to end the show, things are at least a bit better.
Overall Rating: F. Oh yeah this one was bad. They knew they had to be careful with what they could say in the arena and that makes for a REALLY dull show. Just long and boring here, which really shouldn’t be the case on a show that is only about forty five minutes long when you take out commercials. The new cycle should help but this was really boring.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 3, 1994: A New Year’s Hangover?
Monday Night Raw Date: January 3, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Johnny Polo
It’s a new year as we’re getting close to the start of the second year of Raw. We’re also getting close to the 1994 Royal Rumble and that means we’re still in the fallout of the Lex Express. It also means we’re seeing the upgraded Bret Hart rising to the top of the company and that’s a very, very good thing. Let’s get to it.
We open with Undertaker building a casket which Paul Bearer says is for Yokozuna. Undertaker’s New Year’s Resolution is to make Yokozuna rest in peace.
On Wrestling Challenge, Jim Cornette reveals that the title match he accidentally signed Yokozuna up for a casket match. As expected, Yokozuna is scared of caskets. Of note here: Stan Lane, as in Cornette’s old client in the Midnight Express, is the interviewer here.
Opening sequence.
Yokozuna vs. Dan Dubiel
For some reason Dubiel goes right after him and has exactly the same luck you would expect. A hard Rock Bottom sets up an even harder belly to belly with Polo absolutely loving this on commentary. The usual sets up the Banzai Drop with Yokozuna landing much higher than usual and nearly hitting the guy’s neck for the pin. That could have been very, very bad but Dubiel seems to be fine.
Rating: D+. The first thing here is how much better Polo is on commentary. He’s just so laid back and relaxed about everything and that’s all exactly what he should have been. It made for a very amusing exchange as he kept referring to Vince as Vic. Oh and the Banzai Drop looked TERRIFYING here, which is fine as long as the jobber was ok.
We look back at the Quebecers switching places and still losing to Lex Luger anyway. Polo took a steel forearm of his own.
Earlier today, Luger sat down with Vince for a chat. Luger is on fire at the moment but none of that matters if he doesn’t get to compete in the Royal Rumble. We’ll find out whether or not he gets to be involved in a week but the people have already given him a vote of confidence via a poll. Until the decision is made though, Jim Cornette and the rest of Yokozuna’s people can keep being worried about having to face even more competition. Lex gives Tunney and the people one last plea and we’re done in a hurry.
Sparky Plugg drives cars.
Smoking Gunns vs. Bastion Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow
My that’s a lot of B’s, plus Luna Vachon in the monsters’ corner. Bigelow throws Billy around to start but a dropkick puts him on the floor. It’s off to Bart for some arm cranking before Booger comes in, meaning Polo wants to know what’s up with the hump on his neck. The cowboys are sent outside and it’s time for an early break. Back with Booger getting shouldered down but he low bridges Bart….through the ropes because Bart didn’t get over the top for some reason.
Polo talks about Booger wanting to lose three pounds by the end of the year but there are several excuses, such as a dog running his running shoes or the TV at the gym being on the wrong channel. It’s off to Bigelow, who Polo says has made Barney and Betty proud since he broke up with Pebbles.
A legdrop gets two on Bart but he avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Billy. Polo: “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Luna is busy rubbing Booger’s hump (don’t ask) and a double backdrop gets two on Bigelow. Unfortunately for Bam Bam, Bastion kisses Luna and gets slapped for his efforts. Bigelow finally sees what’s going on and gets in a brawl with his partner for the countout.
Rating: F. Go back and read through some of what I wrote near the end of that match and try to figure out why I call this match a failure. There was nothing to this one and it was a great example of how horrible wrestling can get at times. I’m sure Vince found this hilarious in some twisted way and I’m going to leave it inside his head.
Todd Pettengill is in the Royal Rumble Control Center to explain the concept of the namesake match and list off twenty seven confirmed named. The other three will be announced over the weekend. The rest of the card gets some attention as well.
Next week: Raw’s First Anniversary!
Jeff Jarrett vs. John Chrystal
Jeff actually gets rolled up for two to start so he runs John over without much effort. A sunset flip gives John two more and it’s time for some right hands while the announcers talk about the pay per view. Chrystal gets in a weird powerslam for two more but a running DDT (not a great one either) gives Jeff the pin.
Rating: D. Who would have expected this to be so competitive? Again though Jarrett was hardly anything worth seeing but that’s the case with almost anything he did more often than not. The long blond hair didn’t help him much either but at least John seemed more than game here.
Last week, Polo beat Marty Jannetty with a little help from the Quebecers. Therefore, Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid come out to ask for a Tag Team Title shot against the Quebecers next week.
Razor Ramon doesn’t want us to smoke.
Shawn Michaels vs. Brian Walsh
Since this is going to be a squash, let’s take a phone call from Quebecer Jacques. Shawn takes him to the mat without breaking a sweat and it’s time to work on an armbar. Walsh bridges up from the mat and Shawn can’t break him down. A few rollups are good for two each on Shawn and Polo is freaking out. With nothing else working, Shawn throws him to the floor so Diesel can…..put him back inside. A bodyguard who does his job and nothing more? I don’t see much of a future for him in this business. We hit a chinlock on Brian so Johnny can talk about his ancestor Horatio Abercrombie Polo settling the island of Palm Beach. Walsh makes a comeback but misses a dropkick, setting up the superkick. A piledriver gives Shawn the pin.
Rating: D. This was similar to the previous match, making it a pair of slightly more competitive than usual squash matches. Polo continued to be the most entertaining part of the match but I’m not sure he’s enough to overcome an interview with Jacques. How could someone decide that was the best possible option here?
We run down the Anniversary Show card to end the show.
Overall Rating: F+. Pretty standard show for the time and that’s not too surprising. As mentioned multiple times, Polo was the best part of the show and that’s a good thing, assuming he actually sticks around. Unfortunately I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a replacement sooner rather than later because it could mean some entertaining TV. It’s a bunch of bad wrestling around Polo though and that’s not going to work.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
