Monday Nitro #236
Date: April 17, 2000
Location: Metrocentre, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 4,345
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Now this is an interesting show as we’re officially into the Russo/Bischoff Era. They’ve had a week and a pay per view to set everything up so now they have no real excuses left. This is going to be the show where we see what their vision is supposed to be, complete with Jeff Jarrett and the New Blood on top. Let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package from last night, including Hart vs. Mancow. The worst part: we’re not done with Mancow this year.

Opening sequence.

New York, New York plays as papers fall from the ceiling. All of the new champions (sans Funk of course and Jarrett) come out as they’re covered in balloons for a big celebration. Russo says all the booing doesn’t change the fact that he’s better than everyone here. Last night, the New Blood took over just like they promised they would. Russo introduces the new champions one by one and promises to come for Funk’s Hardcore Title.

The fans are popping the balloons and it sounds like a war has broken out. Russo rips on Jim Ross for never believing in him holding Jeff Jarrett down. That would be your weekly insider shot that most fans didn’t get/care about. Jarrett comes out and says this is the greatest day of his life (after the day his child was born that is). He rips on JR as well before talking about not being in Ready to Rumble, even though the stars are beneath him. This brings us to Slamboree, where Jarrett will hang the World Title above the triple cage used in the movie.

Russo brings out Bischoff and Kimberly and we’ve got a riot squad at ringside. Bischoff makes sex jokes about Page (because that’s what the bosses of this company do) and says last night was the whipped cream on the cake of torturing Page. Kimberly goes off about Page making it all about him for years but now it’s time for her to be the star.

She starts talking in the third person and calls Bischoff her opportunity. Bischoff goes on and we see Page beating up security in the back. He comes into the arena (in a Sopranos shirt) and goes right into the ring for a beating. The riot squad reveals themselves as the Millionaires Club and the New Blood is cleared out.

So to recap: the bosses get to say their adversaries are shall we say small, Russo gets to take shots at Jim Ross and Bischoff gets to imply that he’s sleeping with Kimberly Page. This is more proof that WCW is the playground for whoever is running the company and if the fans get to enjoy it, consider it a bonus.

Here’s a recap of what we just saw, in slow motion for no apparent reason.

Bischoff yells at a bunch of guys over what happened. Booker asks why they’re supposed to be security so Bischoff tells him he has a short amount of time to get on his good side. Everyone leaves and Bischoff makes Page vs. Awesome. The security from outside comes in and quits. Hogan calls in and promises to beat Bischoff up in about five minutes. All of this happened in just over a minute.

The announcers recap things, in case the recap we saw or WATCHING THE EVENT ITSELF wasn’t enough.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

Miss Hancock comes out before we get going because they’re not even letting the matches start before getting to the angle. Stasiak starts punching in the corner as Hancock takes notes. They slug it out on the floor and Madden takes a bottle of water to the face. Back in and Hancock plays with her pen as Hennig knees Stasiak in the chest. There goes the referee and Curt hooks the HennigPlex. No count so Stasiak gets a foreign object to knock Curt silly, setting up a layout F5 (the Perfect Plant) for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of everything that is wrong with the way Russo books the shows. Last week Stasiak debuted and attacked Hennig, setting up this match. The ending gives them a reason to continue their feud. However, we still don’t know why they’re fighting. Stasiak just showed up and started a feud, but given how lame the first match was, I really don’t want to see them fight again and with no story, why would I want to keep watching when they come on? It’s lazy booking and takes away the most important part of wrestling because Russo still doesn’t get it.

Stasiak starts stomping Curt down but we IMMEDIATELY cut to a camera inside a motorcade which brings Hogan, wearing a very 80s bandana, to the arena. Cops stop him but he stares them down and they step aside. Hogan comes in and beats up Stasiak before we take a break. Back with Hogan saying he’s heard all the fans talking about him and they’re sure that Hulkamania is going to live forever. His critics say he’s getting older, but so is every other wrestler in the back. He has a lot left to offer wrestling though (true) and he’s not leaving.

Right now though, if anyone wants to come out here and take his spot, come get it. You can mess with his character and his gimmick, but when you get to what Russo and Bischoff did last week, you’re messing with Terry Bollea. They tried to take food out of his kids’ mouth (how?), you’re messing with the wrong man. That brings him to Kidman, who has been whining and crying for years about all the promoters not using him right. Kidman and Torrie come up on screen with Kidman telling Hogan to come fight him right now. Hogan goes after them and the camera pans back to show Bischoff standing next to the Hummer.

Jarrett doesn’t care about Hogan and company because tonight there’s an open contract to any non-millionaire for a World Title shot tonight.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Wall

Funk is defending and hits Wall in the head with three chair shots to get it going. Wall will have none of that and knocks Funk to the floor with a chair shot of his own. It’s Funk’s turn again as he chairs Wall down some more, followed by a moonsault out to the floor. Well of course he did. I mean, his feet hit Wall in the head and he didn’t rotate all the way but he did a moonsault at fifty six years old.

Wall piledrives him on the table, which doesn’t break, but Funk barely sells it. With that not working, Wall breaks off a piece of barricade and crushes Terry’s head. They fight up to the entrance where Funk’s head is crushed over and over again in the door of a one person cage. Then a stack of tables falls on Wall, allowing Terry to cover him to retain.

Rating: D+. So after building Wall up for months, they have someone (who I doubt is ever going to be named) drop a pile of tables on him like something out of a screwball comedy so Terry Funk can pin him. To keep track of things, that means Sid and Funk are the two men to pin him. As usual, WCW sets someone up but the old guys are the ones that get to knock him back down.

Kronik (Brian Adams and Brian Clark, better known as Wrath) comes in to ask Russo when they’re on for their title match. Russo says whenever he says so but not tonight.

Someone signs Jarrett’s open contract but the camera panning over to see the signature is too much to ask.

Page is taking out Awesome and then coming for Bischoff.

Kronik beats up the Harris Twins and come to the ring to do the same to the Mamalukes. Adams grabs the mic and says the tag division is on notice now that they’ve shown up. Russo better hurry up with their title shot.

Here’s Vampiro with something to say. Sting knows nothing about pain and still knows nothing after last night. That was just a taste of what Sting had to go through, because Sting is being devoured at Slamboree. Cue Sting from the rafters with some ball bat shots and talk trash about learning from Flair and Luger. The Death Drop leaves Vampiro laying.

Hogan is still looking for Kidman.

Jarrett tells Russo to deal with the open contract. Russo says he’ll go fix him. Of course this is one of those backstage conversations where they never say what they’re talking about in a completely unnatural manner.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

Page slugs away to start but Awesome runs the corner and back elbows Page in the jaw for two. After a few suplexes, Page gets sent to the floor and Awesome springboards to the top rope for a clothesline to the floor. Since this is WCW, the announcers are all “Oh. That was cool.”, before moving on to talking about the storyline. WCW really needed a JR who could act like a big spot was the most awesome thing he had ever seen and take a break from the same plot points over and over again. Awesome misses a charge into the barricade and gets chaired in the back. That goes nowhere so Kanyon runs in for the quick DQ.

Awesome loads Kanyon up for a powerbomb through a table but Nash comes through the crowd for a save. This would be the second time in about ten minutes where someone looked towards the stage but the other guy came up from behind. The Jackknife puts Mike through a table.

Russo tries to talk someone down but they’re behind a door. Another segment that doesn’t even try to look natural.

Tank Abbott is here and Madden freaks out.

Douglas and Bagwell are ready for their singles matches with Team Package at Slamboree. Shane wants Luger tonight so here’s Luger to agree to a match, with a stipulation that if Russo shows up, Team Package gets the titles. From a singles match.

Here’s Tank Abbott to call out Goldberg for the week. His victim this week is the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks, who gets dragged into the ring for a beating. One of Madden’s favorite hockey players (Bob Probert, the Blackhawks’ enforcer) gets in as well to help break it up.

Hogan gets a tip that Kidman is outside.

Jarrett and Russo bicker some more. Russo will get back to him with an idea of how to solve the problem.

Shane Douglas vs. Total Package

It’s Luger in control to start as he pounds away in the corner and kicks Shane in the ribs a few times. Shane comes back with choking but here’s Bagwell to keep Shane in control. Bagwell interferes and Douglas gets in a low blow, neither of which lead to a DQ because those don’t exist in WCW. A guy in a Sting mask hits Shane in the back with a ball bat and as everyone swears it’s Russo (because NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER DRESSED UP LIKE STING), it’s Flair, in his second costume of the night. The ball bat shot inside the ring counts for the DQ as it’s totally different than the one outside.

Rating: D-. Luger doesn’t work as a face or a heel these days, but what can you expect from someone who seemingly has no desire to do anything and has been using the same three or four moves for years now? Shane isn’t any help either as he’s never been anything great in the ring and is almost all talk.

Russo pulls Shane to the floor and shouts SCREW YOU FLAIR a few times. Again, I don’t think we’ve been told why Russo and Flair hate each other but they hate each other now and that’s all that is supposed to matter. Bagwell and Shane shout at Russo for not being here to save them. Yes, because the savior that two champion wrestlers need is a skinny guy from Brooklyn, not the rest of the New Blood.

Hogan finds Kidman but Torrie hits him in the back with a 2×4. Hulk chokes her up against a beam and pulls back to hit her but Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets thrown in the dumpster so Bischoff gets in the Hummer…..which won’t start. Bischoff runs, allowing Hogan to get in the Hummer and ram the dumpster. Yeah those seventeen years of building up Hogan’s character? Screw those. Let’s have him turn into a psycho who wants to punch women and uses cars to try to murder people. Oh wait: this is Terry Bollea so it’s fine. So the man behind the character is a woman beating attempted murderer. That makes it ok.

Kidman gets stretchered out.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Oh well. No time to grieve. Instead we have to see the reveal of the mystery man as….Scott Steiner. So a day after the New Blood wins all of the important titles, we already have champion vs. champion and the team already fighting. Steiner gorilla presses Jarrett down to start but charges into a boot to the face. Jeff’s high cross body gets two but he gets caught in mid air, followed by a belly to belly for two. The sleeper is countered by a low blow and Steiner puts on the Recliner, drawing in Booker for the DQ. Booker: “You’re welcome punk.”

Rating: D. Another night, another match ending before it can get anywhere, though well done on having the World Champion look like he can be beaten in three and a half minutes. Booker coming in to redeem himself is one of the few things all night that made sense but it came at the end of another one of Russo’s overbooked shows, making it too late to matter.

Again we IMMEDIATELY jump off to see Hogan going after Bischoff with a pipe. Hogan chases him into the arena. A low blow drops Bischoff but here are Vince Russo and Bret Hart. Bret shoves Russo down and gets in the ring with a chair. He looks at both guys, pulls back the chair, and we’re done before we can see who he was aiming for.

Overall Rating: D. So that’s the first episode of Russo and Bischoff’s vision. Put simply, this isn’t very good. The story is pretty boring with the old guys going all psycho to protect their spots and the new generation being comprised of slightly less older guys who aren’t too interesting. People like Wall, Booker and Vampiro are regularly losing to the old guys or going out of their way to bow down to Russo and Bischoff, because they’re the stars of the show, along with Hogan of course.

On top of that, the show isn’t put together well either. This show had 18:32 of wrestling, or 13 seconds less than Ryback vs. Seth Rollins on Raw this past week. Three of the five matches ended in DQ, one ended with someone dropping tables onto the Wall and the other one had a ref bump and foreign object to set up the pin. This was of course after Russo and Bischoff’s 15+ minute speech to open the show with shots at JR for no real reason. Oh and don’t forget Hogan’s five or so segments.

It’s becoming clearer and clearer that Russo’s hype of change is a bunch of hot air. The show is still all about Hogan, the young guys are being treated like nothings (Buff Bagwell is a champion. You couldn’t put say, the Wall with Shane? One talks, the other is a monster. It’s kind of a proven formula you know?) and we have a massive heel stable. 1997 is here again, but unfortunately the audience isn’t back with them.

No Thunder this week. Not that WCW bothered to tell you that of course.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Spring Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s the night of a million tournaments because TOURNAMENTS ARE AWESOME. The company was rebooted six days ago so all titles are vacant and Russo and Bischoff are here with their latest spray painting stable with the word New in the name. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page for the World Title because the one thing from the last few boring months that needs to stick around is Jarrett in the title scene. Let’s get to it.

A quick note: this show runs two hours and forty minutes with fourteen matches. Wrestlemania V had the same number of matches in about an hour more. You really shouldn’t be able to do that.

The opening video focuses on Bischoff/Russo vs. Flair/Hogan respectfully.

Bischoff has been told that Hogan is out of the hospital and coming here. Kidman isn’t worried because the Hummer can finish what they started. You mean Hogan can’t even sell BEING CRUSHED BY A CAR for a week?

Opening video showing clips of Russo and Bischoff. Good to know what matters here.

Tony says we’re starting a new era tonight. Didn’t we just do that Monday? And we don’t even get a night off from Madden after Tank Abbott beat him up? He looks fine too without even a neck brace. Bobby Heenan would be ashamed if he actually watched this show.

The announcers run down the card, which is a mystery to you if you didn’t watch Thunder. Also, the referees have been told to relax the disqualification rules. FROM WHAT??? The referees are already allowing low blows and interference. What are they allowing now? Wait don’t answer that. I don’t think I can sit through this show if I remember what Russo has coming.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals; Mamalukes vs. Team Package

Disco is out with the Mamalukes because their split has been erased. Just having the match isn’t enough though so let’s go backstage to Team Package. Flair is in street clothes because this is going to be a street fight. Makes sense I guess. The announcers talk about Hogan being in the hospital. Madden: “Well a hummer can wear you out.” Wait we’re still not ready to go because ten minutes of talking before the first match isn’t enough. Russo comes out to say two veterans vs. two rookies isn’t fair, so the Harris Twins are added to make it 4-2.

It’s a big brawl to start and Flair is knocked down just a few seconds in. The regular teams pair off to beat up a veteran each but the old guys fight back and Flair gets Johnny in the Figure Four. That goes nowhere though as Flair lets go, only so Vito can kick him in the face to take over again. The Twins boot Flair in the face for two before Don pummels him in the corner. Tony doesn’t know what happens if the four men win, though to be fair I doubt Russo does either. Flair gets slammed off the top but avoids an elbow.

The goons keep the referee from seeing a tag as this is getting dangerously close to being a wrestling match. The beating continues and here are two guys to take Disco away. That would be your angle that has nothing to do with the match and has a 50/50 chance of never being brought up again. Luger gets the tag and everything breaks down but Johnny comes off the top with a spinning clothesline for two. Not that it matters as Luger Racks him for the win a few seconds later.

Rating: D. This was a Nitro match with too much added to it. As usual, Russo is convinced that no one is capable of having a match without something going on as a bonus. It’s also not a good sign that we’re seventeen minutes into this show and they’ve already changed the card from what they announced on Thursday.

Mike Awesome has been added to the US Title tournament and can’t wait to beat the nine lives out of The Cat. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in to call Awesome a jabroni, earning himself a beatdown.

We recap Mancow (Chicago radio DJ) vs. Jimmy Hart. I’m not going to dignify this with a recap. Picture any low level celebrity vs. a manager story you’ve ever seen. That would be a small pool to pick from because this is a stupid idea.

Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart

Hart comes out in a Howard Stern shirt with Emory Hale as an enforcer. Mancow gets a good reaction and comes out with some nice looking women and a bunch of his radio show personalities. We hear a bit from Mancow about how he’s doing this for revenge and for Chicago. It’s a catfight to start but a Hale distraction lets Hart get in a low blow. Madden: “This is utter nonsense.” Jimmy goes up but Mancow pulls the referee in the way, allowing Hale to come in and gorilla press Mancow onto his entourage. There’s no referee though so Mancow hits Hart with a chair for the pin.

Counting the recap, this got seven minutes. The whole show can’t even get to two hours and forty five minutes and one match breaks ten minutes, but they had seven minutes to dedicate to a Howard Stern knockoff who was there for the live crowd. Welcome to the new WCW indeed.

Post match Kidman comes out and punches Hart again.

Russo yells at the Harris Twins and the Mamalukes before swinging a ball bat either because he’s manly or because he has deep rooted issues with his masculinity and has a fixation on phallic objects.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner

Scott comes out to Steinerized as the announcers speculate about Russo and Bischoff’s master plan. Of course there’s a master plan. There’s always a master plan. Steiner pounds Wall down into the corner but Wall does the same thing back to him. A low blow drops Steiner, but remember these matches have relaxed rules.

It’s time to start choking with Wall throwing Steiner around. They head outside and Wall sends him into the barricade (Hudson: “He almost threw him into Lake Michigan!” No Scott, he didn’t.) before getting a table. Steiner pokes him in the eye so Wall chokeslams the referee through the table instead, drawing a DQ from a second referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling I’m going to be making a lot of the same complaints with this show. I’ll give them a point on this one: they kept Wall looking strong. He’s a big power lunkhead but he’s someone new and a potential monster. Steiner is still getting back from injury so this kind of a brawl probably suited him best.

The Cat babbles about James Brown and rednecks until Bam Bam Bigelow beats him down.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Cat vs. Mike Awesome

If there is any justice, the Cat will be squashed like a bug. Not like a cat of course because who would want to squash a cat? Well apparently Bigelow would as he attacked Cat in the back (off camera) and has taken Cat’s place. Fans: “ECW!” Awesome clotheslines Bigelow out to the floor and takes him down with a huge dive. People his size should not be able to do that.

Bigelow is knocked into the crowd so Mike dives over the barricade to take him down again. A good looking top rope clothesline gets two for Awesome as this is a clinic so far. Bigelow reverses a belly to back into a cross body for two. My goodness there are a lot empty seats across from the hard camera. The top rope headbutt looks to set up Greetings From Asbury Park but the Cat is back. Wait can you be back if you were never here in the first place? Bigelow gets superkicked to the floor and it’s dance time! Awesome takes Cat’s head off with a clothesline and the Awesome Splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. I should have known better than to get my hopes up here. This was starting to get good so they had to send the Cat out there to turn it into a comedy thing. There’s a place for those kind of antics, but it’s not in the middle of what was turning into a good power match and our introduction to Mike Awesome, who looks like a star.

In a sign of the WCW way of thinking, instead of putting over Awesome as a monster, they talk about Cat dancing. The important stuff you know.

Russo tells Bischoff to chill out. Bischoff wants Kidman to do something instead of kissing Torrie.

Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas are ready for Harlem Heat and Shane whines about Flair of course.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Tony says Awesome was living up to his namesake in the last match. Name, namesake, whatever. I’m surprised he got that close. Say it with me: It’s a brawl to start. Stevie gets double teamed to start with the New Blood working on his arm. The swinging neckbreaker is enough for Buff’s wrestling quota so a quick double team puts him down. T. eats a back elbow in the corner though and a quick Vader Bomb gets two for Buff. The tag brings in Shane but it’s still 2-1. Everything breaks down and a quick Pittsburgh Plunge (which Shane let go, basically making it a suplex) gives Shane the pin on Stevie.

Harlem Heat yells at each other post match.

Booker T. says he’s New Blood but he doesn’t see eye to eye with Bischoff and Russo.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Booker T. vs. Sting

They seem more respectful here and Sting politely shoves him into the corner, followed by a hiptoss to put Booker down. Sting starts speeding things up and runs Booker down with some clotheslines. They head outside with Booker being sent hard into the barricade. Booker comes right back by dropping Sting face first onto the announcers’ table, which the announcers make sure to chalk up to the relaxed rules.

A chinlock keeps Sting in trouble and a fan will not stop with screaming for as long as he can. Booker’s knee to the ribs sets up the ax kick for two. Sting comes back with a DDT for two of his own as the announcers are dubbing this a classic about six minutes in. The Stinger Splash is broken with a boot to the ribs but his suplex is countered into the Scorpion Death Drop to send Sting to the semi-finals.

Rating: C+. If this is WCW’s definition of a masterpiece and a classic, they’re in big trouble. It’s a good match but there’s only so much you can do in less than seven minutes. Maybe they could have done more of this if not for Mancow and having everything else tonight, since having any of the preliminaries on Nitro or Thunder would have been heresy.

Booker calls Sting back inside for a fist bump.

Kidman is ready for Hogan if he comes back tonight.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Vampiro vs. Kidman

The winner gets Sting, who Tony says “gave every ounce of his soul in that last match.” IT WAS A SIX AND A HALF MINUTE MATCH! And about a minute of that was a chinlock! Hopefully this one gets some more time. Vampiro starts fast with a clothesline and release suplex, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. Kidman’s comeback is countered by a sweet running release powerbomb. Add Vampiro to the list of those who can powerbomb Kidman.

The second powerbomb is countered into the faceplant. Madden: “We could have been seeing matches like this one years ago.” This is their fourth televised match this year alone, not counting a three way they had with the Wall a few weeks back. Add that to the list of stupid things said on this show. Kidman gets two off a side slam but Vampiro grabs a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam, which to be fair is pretty much the same thing) to come back. We go to an overhead camera for no apparent reason and Vampiro grabs an armbar.

That’s enough back and forth action so let’s show Hogan arriving in a 1968 Dodge Charger. Kidman is terrified. I would be too if I could see images of Hogan before he’s actually in the arena. Hogan takes him to the floor and beats Kidman up, sends him into the post and throws the steps at him. A choke throw sends Kidman bouncing off the table and then a regular slam puts him through it. Back in and Vampiro gets the pin. Hogan beat him up for two minutes straight and that’s still covered under relaxed rules???

Rating: D+. This was a moment that brought me back to the days after Starrcade 1999 when Russo turned Nitro into a drama with wrestling involved. It started off as a match but once you have a two minute beatdown in plain sight of the referee, it stops being a match and becomes an angle.

Wrestling is supposed to be about angles setting up matches. With Russo, it was angles to set up more angles. This whole thing, which still hasn’t been explained in detail on TV, has only been going on six days and has seen two beatdowns and attempted murder. Where do you go from here? A bad match? In theory yeah but how big of a letdown is that going to feel like after all of this stuff?

There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, but this is backwards and leading up to a big letdown because they’re already done all their big stuff. In other words, Russo is a horrible booker who has screwed up what could have been a big story because he can’t wait to build up a story and has to do everything at once.

Oh and just to show how stupid WCW commentators were, direct quote from Tony: “You can’t disqualify him. He didn’t come in to help Vampiro.” HE BEAT KIDMAN UP FOR TWO MINUTES STRAIGHT AND SLAMMED HIM THROUGH A TABLE!!! That’s one of those lines that is so dumb there’s nothing to make fun of. The line itself is the joke.

Hogan says he’s coming for Bischoff.

Russo leaves Bischoff alone, promising to deal with Hogan.

Hogan storms through the back and……walks past the door with VINCE RUSSO AND ERIC BISCHOFF’S NAMES ON IT to open the door next to it. Add that to the list of things that the genius writers SHOULD HAVE THAT OF AND THROWN IN THE TRASH SO A MANIAC CAN’T COME IN AND KILL THEM. As a bonus, add it to the list of dumb things Hogan has done over the years. Hogan gets his hands around Bischoff’s neck so here are the cops with guns drawn for the save. You know, I’m kind of surprised Russo never had anyone get shot on one of his shows. If nothing else he could have made a “now THAT was a shoot” joke later on.

We cut to the arena and come back with Hogan being arrested by promising to be at Nitro. So yeah, this was all a way to set up a TV story. As this is going on, Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that Norman Smiley is waiting for him in catering to start the Hardcore Title match.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Terry finds him in the bathroom because where else would you find him. They fight out of the bathroom and it’s already fire extinguisher time. Norman is thrown into a bunch of Diet Coke cans as they head into the kitchen. A trashcan to the head puts Terry in trouble and it’s time for an INDUSTRIAL SIZE cookie sheets to the head. Again, I’d assume Tony meant industrial STRENGTH but Tony has become the wrestling version of Ted Baxter (for you old TV fans out there).

Norman climbs a ladder to get into the plumbing but Funk chairs him down and through a table full of cookies. Some chairs to the head have no effect on Terry so Norman chairs him even more on the way into the arena. They get inside and Norman channels his inner Cat by dancing, but at least it makes more sense here.

Norman actually tries the spanking dance and as you might expect, Funk isn’t pleased and caves Norman’s head in with a few chair shots. It’s ladder time but Dustin Rhodes makes the save and piledrives Terry on a chair. Funk kicks the chair into Dustin’s head though, knocking him into the ladder. A ladder shot to Norman’s face gives Terry the title.

Rating: C-. Yeah it was fine but this this might have been the longest hardcore match of all time at eight minutes. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s all you can really ask for on a show like this. In a different vein though, the Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk feud needs to stop. As far as I can remember, they’re fighting over whether Dustin is a bigger chicken than his dad, who isn’t even with this company. Why is this going on for three months?

If you ordered this show, you can get a MOUSEPAD! Tony: “That’s right. A mousepad.”

Russo tells Booker he’ll forgive him for what he did with Sting if he does a favor now. Madden rants about the handshake with Sting. It was a fist bump but I’d assume Madden was too busy finding stupid jokes to watch the show anyway.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner takes him down with a nice amateur move, followed by the bicep curl elbow. We pause for push-ups and Mike bails to the apron for a slingshot clothesline to take over. A top rope clothesline gets two so Steiner kicks him low. Hudson brings up the valid question of how far do relaxed rules go. Not that it matters as we’ve got Kevin Nash with a crutch to knock Awesome off the top, setting up the Steiner Recliner to send Steiner to the finals.

Rating: D. Three minutes, a low blow and interference means it’s already time for Awesome to give up to a veteran in just two minutes. I get the idea of pushing Steiner but at the same time I’m not wild on having a newcomer lose this quickly. Then again, that might mean actually pushing someone new instead of giving some newcomer lip service that they’re getting a push.

Russo fires Dustin Rhodes for letting Funk win the Hardcore Title. Russo takes credit for Goldust, which is the only time Rhodes was ever worth anything.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Vampiro

Vampiro jumps him during the entrance but Sting no sells his offense and punches Vampiro right back. We get the brawling on the floor out of the way as the announcers talk about Sting’s new intensity since the new regime took over. You know, in the six days and about fifteen minutes of wrestling he’s done. A top rope splash gets two for Sting and they fight outside where the Splash hits barricade.

Vampiro kicks him in the face and drops a leg for two as a wrestling match has broken out. Sting pops up after a slam and they kind of botch what I think was supposed to be Vampiro jumping off the top but getting caught in a powerbomb. Instead it came off like he tried a diving hurricanrana but got spinebustered. Either way it wasn’t good looking but it sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock to send Sting on to the finals.

Rating: D+. This is another match that happened tonight and there’s really no reason to see these two fight anymore, though I’m sure they will because Vampiro is creepy or whatever. Sting being involved in the two clean finishes of the night makes sense but I wouldn’t mind these matches having more time for a change. Six minutes shouldn’t be on the longer side of the matches in a night.

Page says he’ll win.

Cruiserweight Title: Shannon Moore vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Crowbar vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist vs. Lash Leroux

The title is vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Oh and we can’t get a second match to break ten minutes but we can have a 3 Count performance. Make that TWO performances as they actually have to fill in time on a show with matches these short. Thankfully everyone else charges to the ring so we don’t spend another five minutes on entrances.

It’s insanity to start and I’m sure Daffney and Helms are going to get involved. There are tags required here and Crowbar gets an early two on Candido via a northern lights suplex. The Whiplash gets two on Crowbar (just called a signature move by Tony. Not Whiplash or anything but at least he knew it was a signature more) but Juvy flips out of the same move and scores with the Juvy Driver. Everything breaks down and Daffney hurricanranas Crowbar by mistake.

Lash dives on Crowbar but takes out Daffney as well. A big series of dives leaves Candido with Helms, but David Flair comes in to dance. Artist crotches Candido (by shaking one of the ropes he wasn’t standing on) but gets thrown off, only to have Candido miss the swan dive. You can see Crowbar powerbombing Juvy but that’s not important enough to feature. Artist hits an Angle Slam (not a Samoan drop) but here’s the debuting Tammy Lynn Sytch to pull Artist off the top, giving Candido the pin.

Rating: C-. So 3 Count can dance for about two and a half minutes but the match can’t even get 5:15? I’m not sure if this was good or not because the match was another mess with no flow or idea behind it other than “get everyone’s stuff in because we don’t have time to do anything else.” Candido winning is a good choice though as he’s not your standard high flier but can actually have an entertaining match, unlike Artist.

Paisley and Tammy have a catfight post match. Shannon breaks it up and gets his crotch grabbed.

We’ve got three weeks until the next pay per view. Sweet goodness calm down people.

Jarrett says he’ll win because he has everyone in his corner.

Tag Team Titles: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Flair is still in street clothes and Russo is out with Bagwell/Douglas to do commentary. Bagwell offers Luger a handshake to start but for once Luger is smart enough to not go for it. It’s time for a pose off, followed by Luger’s standard offensive sequence to take over. Shane comes in and beats Luger down, only to have Flair come in for some revenge. Hudson drops the Dynamic Dude moniker but it’s off to Buff for some right hands and a backdrop.

We hit the chinlock on Flair with Luger trying to make the save, allowing Shane to come in sans tag. Like it matters that the referee didn’t see it anyway. Shane punches Flair a lot and we get half a Flair Flip in the corner. Some F Bombs mess with the censor’s minds but Luger gets in a clothesline from the apron to give Flair a breather. Lex gets to come in for his clotheslines, including the fabled double clothesline. It’s like two at once!

Shane gets caught in the Figure Four but Buff hits Luger low and makes the save. The Blockbuster takes Shane down by mistake but Russo pulls the referee out. Now freaking Kronik debut for High Times on Luger, giving Bagwell the pin and the titles with Russo counting the pin.

Rating: D. How are you enjoying the Russo Show this evening? That’s all this show has been about: pushing Vince Russo as a featured player in a major wrestling promotion because he’s in charge and gets to do whatever he wants and feel important. Lame match again, mainly because Shane isn’t interesting in the ring.

Steiner says he’ll win.

Sting says he’ll win.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sting

So…..I think Sting is the heel here? It’s really not clear. Steiner hammers him down but gets dropkicked out to the floor, allowing Sting to get in a dive. Sting’s top rope splash hits knees though and Steiner drops him with a gorilla press. Back up and Sting breaks up a superplex, only to have the Stinger Splash hit the referee. We’re still not done yet though as Vampiro pops up through the ring and pulls Sting underneath. Sting comes out with a bloody mouth, which is described as covered in blood, setting up the Recliner to give Steiner the title.

Rating: D-. Notice that all of the New Blood guys winning here are veterans? Like I said, it’s because this whole “let’s push the young guys” is lip service and you could tell by watching for five minutes. This was another bad match to add to the pile with Russo making sure to put in everything he could to every match and making the action a backdrop to whatever is supposed to lead up to the next angle. It’s a never ending cycle and Russo never saw why that was a problem because Russo doesn’t get how wrestling works.

We recap Monday, which is another way to feature Russo. They throw in the World Title tournament stuff to try to make it sound interesting.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Kimberly is here with Page, more or less guaranteeing a swerve. They start fast by trading some big shots until Page’s jumping tornado DDT gets two. Kimberly gets in a slap on the floor and the fight goes into the crowd, which only shows off all the empty seats. Page gets the better of it and they finally get off the wide shot and show them coming back to ringside.

Jeff uses Kimberly as a shield but still gets sunset flipped for two. He’s still able to crotch Page on top though, setting up a superplex. Instead of covering like a wrestler should, Jarrett brings in a chair as Tony starts talking about the WWF for some reason. The match slows down until Page avoids a charge in the corner and hits a good looking sitout powerbomb for two.

We’ve got Bischoff in the aisle because this match hasn’t been entertaining enough. They head outside with Jeff using various things fans hand him, including Page’s book, as they’re now ripping off ECW. Kimberly saves Page from getting crotched on the post (Madden: “Get away you scurvy wench.”) and Jeff gets crotched instead. The Diamond Cutter misses and the referee goes down. Again. A belt shot gets two on Page so it’s Figure Four time. Kimberly has the guitar and just get to the screwjob already.

Page gets to the rope after about a minute and a half and gets a pair of near falls off some rollups. Back up and Jeff dives into a swinging Rock Bottom and it’s sleeper, sleeper, belly to back suplex. Bischoff tries to interfere and there’s the Diamond Cutter but Kimberly comes in with the guitar and hits Page (I’m too tired to even make fun of it at this point) to give Jeff the title. At least the fans popped for the swerve.

Rating: C+. Match of the night here which could have been better had they swapped the participants in the last two matches. Page vs. Jarrett sounds like a US Title match and Steiner vs. Sting could be a World Title match under the right circumstances. This match worked better because it had time and because the people in the match know how to work well enough to get around the lame booking ideas.

The New World Order (yeah it’s the same thing, down to most of the members) celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I know I’m supposed to yell about how bad this was but there’s a problem: I barely remember anything on this show five minutes after it wrapped up. This show was about two months of TV crammed into two hours and forty minutes. Save for the main event, nothing had time to go anywhere and nothing had time to develop because we had to get in all of Russo’s segments (how many were there? Eight or so?) and all of the other shenanigans, yet the show was only two hours and forty minutes.

The show stayed so short by following a simple idea: don’t let them wrestle. Of the fourteen matches, one of them broke nine minutes. I’ve covered the lame booking and Russo not knowing how to run a wrestling show to death and I’m sure I’ll get to it more in the future, but this show was such a total overload. There’s WAY too much on here to know if anything was really good or not and the little bit that does stick out is quickly forgotten for the sake of whatever else Russo has to throw out there.

The main thing that stood out here was how they’re not even hiding what they’re doing here. It’s another big NWO style superstable with the evil bosses in charge, but you pick JEFF JARRETT as the focal point? I know Russo has always been a fan but good grief you have Scott Steiner right there and you go with Jarrett? The idea of the youth movement is fine, but like I said earlier: the only champion who is actually young (or at least didn’t feel like a veteran) here is Candido, who had years of experience of his own. It’s a youth movement with people who aren’t actually young and WCW hopes we can’t figure it out.

I can’t say it’s the worst show I’ve ever seen, but most of this show’s problems are due to how much stuff it has going on. You can’t tell which way is up on this show (hint: look at the buyrate and go the other way), let alone have anything leave an impact on you. Russo never understood the idea of letting something breathe and it shows badly on something like this. The really bad times are coming, but this is much more about being too hectic for its own good and booking WAY too much into a show that should have been ten minutes longer with fewer matches packed in there.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 2, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s full on war now as the Global Force roster attacked several TNA wrestlers last week with Karen Jarrett revealing that she was behind the attacks on Drew Galloway and Bully Ray in recent weeks. In addition to the invasion, it’s almost time for Bound For Glory, which really hasn’t been set up yet. Let’s get to it.

The Hardys and Ethan Carter III arrived earlier. Carter defends against Matt Hardy tonight and if he retains, Jeff Hardy is Carter’s personal assistant.

We recap Karen Jarrett being revealed as the evil mastermind last week.

The Jarretts lead the GFW roster to the ring. Jeff talks (again) about returning on June 24 and being inducted into the Hall of Fame. He brags about all the success the GFW/TNA show had but Karen cuts him off to explain that she did everything for all the hard work her husband has put in for GFW. Yes she set these wheels in motion and had Chris Adonis take out Bully Ray. Jeff is building a new empire and no one in the back can compete with these boys. Adonis issues an open challenge to anyone in the back so here’s Lashley.

Lashley vs. Chris Mordetzky

Lashley throws him down to start and then drops Chris with a clothesline. The Mordetzky Lock (full nelson) is quickly countered into a full nelson slam but Mordetzky nails a Polish Hammer (double ax handle to the chest) to take over. We hit the chinlock before they head outside with Lashley being sent into the steps. Back in and a butterfly suplex seems to annoy Lashley more than hurt him. A double clothesline puts both guys down and it’s Lashley up first with a German suplex. The spear is countered into a spinebuster but Lashley easily blocks the full nelson. Now the spear connects but here’s GFW for the DQ at 8:57.

Rating: D+. Totally meh match here as this was nothing to see and just a match to show that Mordetsky is part of GFW’s roster. I still have no reason to care about a group of people who have been around for a month and range from no one interesting to WWE rejects. Nothing to see here.

Lashley gets destroyed so here are the Wolves for a failed save. Jeff says bring out the surprise so here she is with the Tag Team Title Feast or Fired briefcase. She says Magnus gave it to her, which apparently you can just do.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Brian Myers/Trevor Lee

Wait a minute because Earl Hebner won’t do it, earning him a right hand from Jeff. Another referee is forced to ringside and the match is on. Trevor dropkicks Edwards down for two as this is actually a regular match for a change. Myers comes in for a slam of his own but the Wolves come back with stereo submission holds, only to break them up to go after Sonjay Dutt. Myers brings in a pipe but the distraction lets Lee blast Davey with the briefcase for the pin and the titles at 2:35. There’s your token title win to make this invasion IMPORTANT.

Bobby Roode only cares about winning the King of the Mountain Title tonight.

Long recap of everything that just happened.

Ethan Carter III talks about his love of stories and how tonight, Matt’s story of going for the World Title ends tonight.

King of the Mountain Title: PJ Black vs. Bobby Roode

Black is defending and Roode stops to brag about being a TNA original. This is TNA’s house and Roode is bringing the title home. It’s a brawl on the floor to start as Matthews mistakenly says Black won the title last week. They get inside for some chops but Black blocks a suplex and sends Roode outside for a suicide dive. A springboard clothesline drops Roode and we take a break. Back with Roode winning a slugout and getting two off a spinebuster.

The Roode Bomb is broken up and Gabriel gets two off a reverse DDT. Black’s top rope Lionsault hits knees though and Roode slaps on the Crossface, only to have Dutt come out for a distraction. It doesn’t work this time though as Roode puts the Crossface back on. Drew Galloway takes Dutt out and Black….is free because Roode let it go for no apparent reason. Black’s springboard is countered into the Roode Bomb for the pin and the title at 13:15.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but what does this title change mean? That would be nothing, because the title has no important lineage and has been thrown out there for some meaningless changes. It’s the old Russo idea that you can get people to care because the title changes without the idea of making people care about the title in the first place.

Post match GFW chases Roode off and Jeff rants about everything going on here. Cue Dixie and OH DEAR GOD SHUT UP! They’re going back and forth about stabbing each other in the back and all the mistakes each other has made like ANYONE cares. Jeff brings up his ownership stake and Dixie proposes a winner take all match. Jeff agrees and Drew Galloway comes out to be on Dixie’s team. Drew wants to stand up for TNA and the Wolves and Lashley come out to join him in Team TNA.

Dinero and Matthews talk about what just happened.

Here’s the returning Kenny King with a mic in hand. He’s been going through an identity crisis in the last year but now he’s just here on his own. Kenny doesn’t want to be the kind of guy who jumps someone from behind and uses a numbers advantage to beat someone down. He issues an open challenge to anyone from any roster to come fight him right now.

Bram vs. Kenny King

Bram goes right after King to start but Kenny takes him down with a nice dive. He tries it once too often though and eats a clothesline to give Bram control. King comes back with a running elbow in the corner, followed by an enziguri to put Bram in the corner. Bram ducks another dive though and the Brighter Side of Suffering gives Bram the pin at 3:37.

Rating: D+. So King comes back, turns face, and loses in less than four minutes. That being said, this match was nothing to see but it calmed me down a lot after the stupid hostile takeover stuff had me losing my mind. This was something different than that one big story, though it was stupid in its own way.

The Hardys say Matt will win the title. Has there been a more tacked on feud than this in recent years?

Here’s Velvet Sky with something to say. She’s been keeping to herself since she got back for a reason. The Knockouts division has been evolving constantly and so has she. The Dollhouse is out of control and Taryn is going to pay. Velvet tells Taryn to come out here but she comes up on screen to say how sick she is of being compared to Velvet as the hot blonde in TNA.

Taryn has been in movies and on TV but Velvet looks like a Hot Topic reject. This is Taryn’s house and now she has to play with Taryn’s dolls. Cue the Dollhouse, who quickly beats Tarn down. Angelina Love and Madison Rayne come out and yes, the Beautiful People are back.

Video on Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III in Full Metal Mayhem, which of course set up tonight’s regular match.

Dixie gives Team TNA their pep talk. It’s Lethal Lockdown in two weeks for full control.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III

Ethan is defending and if Matt loses, Jeff Hardy is Ethan’s personal assistant. Josh: “EC3 and Matt Hardy have been rivals for quite some time.” No Josh, they haven’t been. Feeling out process to start until Matt hits a running Diamond Cutter (called a neckbreaker) for two. A big clothesline puts the champion on the floor and it’s off to a break. Back with Carter missing a middle rope elbow but putting on a sleeper.

Matt fights up and nails some clotheslines, followed by the Side Effect. The referee gets bumped off the Twist of Fate attempt though and there’s no one to count. A belt shot to Matt’s head gets two because Matt WILL NOT DIE, which seems to be code for WILL NOT STOP DRAGGING OUT OBVIOUS ENDINGS. Jeff gets in a cheap shot on Carter to give Matt two but they ram heads and Carter falls on top for two. Tyrus grabs Matt’s leg and gets chaired by Jeff, only to have Ethan hit a TKO on Matt for two more. The referee gets distracted again and a low blow and sunset flip retain Carter’s title at 13:17.

Rating: C. Wow you know what that wasn’t? Epic. You know why it wasn’t? Because they did the big gimmick match three weeks ago and this company is too stupid to figure out that they shouldn’t do things in that order. The match was fine but I have no reason to care about Matt Hardy as a lame duck challenger before we get to the Bound For Glory and whatever they have planned there.

Jeff now has to work for Carter and is forced to raise the champ’s hand to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. I’ve sat through a lot from TNA over the years. I survived Immortal, THEY, all of Russo’s nonsense and Dixieland. Tonight, for the first time, I got mad at them over how bad things got. This invasion is one of the worst written, lamest attempts at doing something that I’ve ever seen. Case in point: if the blowoff is in two weeks, the whole story lasted five shows. Even the WWF InVasion, one of the most botched stories ever, ran several months before the big ending.

Instead, TNA has decided that we care about the power struggle (because they’re too stupid to run ANYTHING BUT A POWER STRUGGLE) between Jeff and Dixie, leaving Ethan Carter III, a guy who could have been a much bigger deal for them, fighting the Hardys in a midcard feud. We’re a month away from Bound For Glory and their big story is going to be blown off on TV two weeks beforehand.

If TNA is going down, and I’m sure they won’t because these morons somehow back their way into deal after deal to keep this mess going another six months, they’re going out as only they can: with no idea of how to run a good show, bad storytelling, stupid decisions, and the wrong people on top because those people think the fans care about them. This was a disaster and I absolutely hated it.

Results

Lashley b. Chris Mordetzky via DQ when the GFW roster interfered

Brian Myers/Trevor Lee b. Wolves – Lee pinned Richards after a briefcase to the head

Bobby Roode b. PJ Black – Roode Bomb

Bram b. Kenny King – Brighter Side of Suffering

Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy – Sunset flip

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Looking at why not everyone can or should be a World Champion level wrestler.

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-the-role-he-was-born-to-play/40629/

Monday Nitro #235
Date: April 10, 2000
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s kind of hard to preview this show as it’s all about the company being reset. Russo and Bischoff are coming in to a bigger reception than Hogan back in 1994 because they’re writers and therefore more important than anything else. Since WCW is stupid, this is also the go home show for Spring Stampede, which has nothing set up so far. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Most of the roster is in and around the ring to start. More come out as this isn’t the most thrilling start. Jeff Jarrett gets to talk first because we’re just lucky that way. He came here to be the WCW World Champion but his master plan got derailed by some good old boys who couldn’t compete in his league. Jeff gets to the point and calls for the man himself: Vince Russo.

The Long Island accent with a Russo attached talks about making the WWF what it was before coming here to beat Vince McMahon at his own game. Within a few weeks, the new blood of WCW was making a change, but then the good old boy network kicked in. All the political BS in the back brought Russo down and all those people are sitting at home watching him now.

Then they decided that a change had to come and Russo was sent home. Even some of the wrestlers knew the change would suck. The Radicalz knew it and left. Scott Steiner knew it and got suspended. Well now the good old boys network is gone and it’s time for the young guys to rise. This brings out Bischoff and they hug, giving us the new power team. The good old boys network screwed both of them over with Bischoff listing Diamond Dallas Page, Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan in particular.

We see Sting, Luger, Sid and Page watching on a monitor in the back. Bischoff goes on about Hogan, even apologizing to everyone in the ring for how much trouble Hogan caused them. Now Bischoff wants to see the old guys so here they come. “What’s up Sid? No softball game?”

Page doesn’t know what Eric is smoking so Bischoff tells him to screw off. Bischoff takes credit for rebuilding Sting’s career as the announcers sound like they’re in awe of this. A level playing field where everyone has to earn their spot is promised but first Russo has something to say to Ric Flair. After promising to wipe Flair off the bottom of his shoe, Russo drops the bombshell: all titles are vacant.

The bored crowd chants for Goldberg as Sid says he won’t give up his title. Bischoff comes up to him and threatens the end of Sid’s career. “What’s the matter Sid? Can’t find your scissors?” Madden: “WOW!” The fans are silent so Bischoff repeats the line. Amazingly enough, the fans are still silent. Sid finally hands it over and Eric announces that all champions will be crowned at Spring Stampede.

That one part where Bischoff mentioned an inside reference and no one reacted sums up this show thing. This was a twenty minute segment made up almost entirely of insider stories and statements that went over the heads of probably 98% of the audience. What good old boys network is he talking about and how did they ruin what Russo had going on? Yeah I know what they’re talking about because it’s 2015 and this is all ancient history. How many people had any idea what they were talking about in 2000? Also of course ignore the fact that this is Russo yet AGAIN blaming everyone else for his ideas bombing.

This was a long segment to set up the new Russo and Bischoff regime and let them get in their shots at Vince and all of their other enemies (read as anyone else who has ever had a different idea) as the fans are left sitting there wondering what in the world is going on. Finally, it really doesn’t instill me with confidence when the new writers who are supposed to save the company are basically saying “yeah this is too complicated for us to fix so let’s just reset the whole thing instead of booking our way out of it.” That’s quite the opening impression.

Hogan arrives.

During the break, all the wrestlers in the ring left.

Sting and Hogan talk about what just happened and Sting says Bischoff might as well have just kicked Hogan between the legs. Sting: “I’m not ribbing you.”

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Total Package

This isn’t a tournament for the title, but rather a tournament to face Jeff Jarrett for the title on Sunday. Page’s music stops halfway through his entrance and he has no pyro. Because he has to prove himself you see. Prove himself in the World Title tournament he’s already in that is.

Luger, as in the guy who was out most of last year and hasn’t had an important win since Halloween Havoc, doesn’t have music either as he comes to the ring as one of five potential World Title winners. It’s ten minutes after the promise of a level playing field and they’re already defying their own logic. In case you’re wondering, Page’s last major win would probably be……well also at Halloween Havoc.

The match starts slow with both guys looking like they’re in their 40s who are out there for a healthy paycheck. The announcers ignore the match to talk about Bischoff riding Hogan’s coattails in another argument that no common fan would care about. Luger stomps Page in the corner and chokes with a boot as Madden makes fun of Page as is his custom.

Some backbreakers have Page in trouble AND IT’S ANGLE TIME! Buff Bagwell comes out with full music and pyro to distract Luger, allowing Page to get in a low blow. Tony: “What’s going to happen next in this program? It’s only segment two!” Luger and his gonads of steel shrug off the low blow and Page gets powerslammed, only to have Buff go after Liz for a distraction. That would be the second distraction of the match and it allows Page to Diamond Cut Luger for the pin. He gets about half a second of music before they cut it off again.

Rating: D-. Oh man this show is going to SUCK. They had a four and a half minute match between two veterans who have to prove themselves and it took two distractions and a no sold low blow to put Luger down. This is going to be the old Russo idea of running an angle or three in every match because the fans are too stupid to just watch a match without some bonus entertainment to carry them through. Oh and great: we might even get Luger vs. Bagwell out of this. Again. For like the dozenth time.

Hogan can’t find Bischoff.

Hennig asks Russo why he isn’t in the World Title scene. Russo gives him Jarrett tonight and if he wins, he gets in the World Title match on Sunday. So there are officially three semi-final matches for two spots in a final? Now they’re ignoring the laws of numbers.

Here’s Tank Abbott to say he’s a shootfight and not a wrestler. Well we’ve known that for months but at least it’s confirmed. Tank came here for Goldberg and what a coincidence that Goldberg got hurt the week Tank arrived. Starting tonight, he’s going to beat up innocent bystanders until Goldberg comes back. First up: Mark Madden, who loses his shirt in the beating.

Jarrett tells Russo that it better be good.

Kidman tells Torrie he wants to do this.

Hogan is given directions to Bischoff’s office. These three scenes took a combined 15 seconds.

Hogan finds Bischoff and they talk in an office.

Here’s Kidman with a microphone. He feels like he’s been handed a get out of jail free card because he and the rest of the New Blood (of course it’s an official thing now) have been held down by the old guys. Kidman wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, who has been talking about him a lot lately. Hogan doesn’t have the heart and talent that Kidman have and it’s taken all those years of spotlight to give Hogan that grotesque orange tan. He calls Hogan out and wouldn’t you know it, Hogan is walking past a monitor in the back.

Hogan comes out and thankfully Hudson explains what the heck Kidman is talking about, because Kidman certainly didn’t go into details about it. Again: WCW assumes that all of the fans are on the internet reading everything. Hogan says Kidman gives the young guys in this business a bad name. He brings up Torrie and Kidman goes after him, which Tony declares as the world turning upside down.

They fight to the floor with Hogan getting the better of it (expected) and beating Kidman up even more back inside. Cue Bischoff with a chair. Hogan runs his hand over his eyebrow and gets hit with the chair, drawing blood right where his hand went over the eyebrow. I remember seeing that as a kid and yelling at my TV how fake it looked. Kidman gets a cover and pin with Bischoff counting the three, in what is probably the only time Hogan lays down for him, or anyone for that matter.

Ric Flair arrives.

Hogan wants Bischoff and Kidman and swears a lot.

Flair watches the opening segment in the back and comes to the ring. Ric talks about Russo growing up as a Flair fan (not likely in New York but whatever) and now he thinks Flair is old. In this town, Brian Griese (current Denver Broncos quarterback) throws a lot of touchdown passes but that doesn’t make fans forget about John Elway because in this town, Elway is the man. Flair was always great at throwing in the sports analogies and getting easy pops (not a bad thing) for them.

Bischoff has the guts to walk up to come to Ric face to face and he isn’t wasting money on attorneys again, so get out here right now. Instead Flair gets Scott Steiner, who calls Flair’s teeth crooked. All of the WWF’s current champions came from WCW (no, they didn’t) because Flair and company ran them off. Steiner puts in some fake teeth to do a Flair impression, allowing Shane Douglas to return and attack Flair.

Kevin Nash returns on crutches.

Bret Hart is in the crowd.

Flair is looking for Douglas.

As luck would have it, Douglas is with Gene, who gets more emotional than you’ll ever see him over what Shane just did. Douglas says that was the beginning of Flair’s road and he’s going to do whatever he wants.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Now this would be the semi-finals to advance to the final for the final as opposed to the semi-final for the final. Got that? These guys get their music all the way to the ring because Russo and Bischoff have already forgotten that story. Sting sidesteps a charge to start and kicks Sid onto the turnbuckle, setting up a splash to send Sid outside. Sid comes back and mocks the crowd a bit as I had already forgotten he turned heel a few weeks ago. Back in and Sting’s splash hits knees (not feet as Tony calls them) to keep Sid in control.

A cobra clutch slam gets two before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Cue the Wall with a table and the referee gets put down. Sid powerbombs Sting (now the Millennium Bomb. I kind of dig that name actually) but gets chaired in the back. Wall chokeslams Sid through the table and that’s a countout because SID’S BODY LAYING ON A BROKEN TABLE isn’t enough to make the referee think anything is up.

Rating: D. These two have been having decent to good matches for eleven years and it took Vince Russo less than seven minutes (longest match of the night of course) to screw that up. Wall going after Sid could be one heck of a mess, but at least it’s another young guy getting a push against a veteran.

Here’s Ric Flair to challenge Shane Douglas for later tonight. Not next week, not at the pay per view, not at some point in the future. Tonight, because Russo doesn’t understand what it means to build to a match. That being said, Flair is the only person here who hasn’t sounded stupid. It’s almost like he knows what he’s doing.

Hogan is still on a rampage.

Back from a break and Hogan is still on a rampage and beats up Shannon Moore and Shane Helms for not knowing where Kidman is.

Clip of the Ready to Rumble premiere.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig

I guess this is a tournament match. I mean, the winner goes to the title match on Sunday so why not. They start brawling in the aisle despite no personal issue between the two of them. Curt takes him over to the announcers’ table for a beating before Jeff clotheslines him down inside. We get the Jarrett sleeper/suplex sequence but here’s the debuting Shawn Stasiak (formerly Meat in the WWF) to what sounds like Curt Hennig’s old Mr. Perfect music.

The distraction makes Hennig throw a wild back elbow which Jarrett ducks and the referee gets bumped. I can’t say it hit the referee because it didn’t come close but Little Naitch went down anyway. Stasiak comes in and mostly fails at lifting Hennig up for a fireman’s carry before dropping him in what can be most accurately described as a reverse F5. It was so botched that there’s really no describing the move. The Stroke gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: D+. For those of you counting, this is the third match that has ended as a result of someone interfering. It’s clear that WCW has decided they know what we want as wrestling fans and if we object we’re not giving them enough of a chance. The match could have been good had it been a match and not a punching fest, but these two are just wrestlers and no one would want to see that.

Hogan is storming through sky boxes to find Bischoff.

Nash tells someone to get here if they can.

Sting says he is loyalty and he’s coming after Russo’s golden boy on Sunday.

Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas

Both guys are in street clothes. They’re quickly on the floor with Ric firing off chops, followed by a low blow back inside. Hudson goes off about Douglas talking trash about Flair on the dirt sheets as Shane kicks Flair low. Cue Russo with a bat to hit Flair and that’s a DQ.

Russo steals Flair’s watch.

Here’s Kevin Nash, who immediately rips on the new bosses who are trying to be wrestlers and screw over some of the boys. He wants to know what happened to that sweet little wrestling show we had every Monday? Like, where is the Dog when you need him? Nash has been talking to Hall, who wants to come back soon. Neither Bischoff or Russo would be here if not for he and Hall, especially Russo who they had to save from Shawn Michaels over and over. This brings out the debuting and reigning ECW World Champion to beat Nash down. Awesome wants some of this opportunity that Russo and Bischoff are offering.

Hogan is on the phone in his limo and demanding Kidman soon. The Hummer (from last summer, now white instead of black) comes up and crushes the limo. Bischoff and Kidman get out and celebrate.

WCW World Title Tournament Final: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting

The winner gets Jarrett on Sunday so Jeff is on commentary. Page is thrown outside to start before a pair of Stinger Splashes put him down again. The Deathlock is broken up by an arm in the ropes and Page gets two off a belly to belly. Jarrett goes after Kimberly so Page head outside, allowing Vampiro to run in give Sting the Nail in the Coffin. A Diamond Cutter sends Page to Spring Stampede.

Rating: D. I’m almost done with this show. It’s almost over. If I can get through a few more minutes, this will finally be over. Then I can watch ANYTHING ELSE and see a different finish, because it’s clear that we’re going to be seeing a lot of the same things over and over again and it’s going to get more and more annoying every week. This was just a brief workout until the ending happened, as all the matches have been so far.

Jarrett swings the guitar at Page but hits Kimberly instead.

After a break, Jarrett comes out for the closing speech. He talks about six days before his destiny is fulfilled when he is finally crowned WCW World Champion. Cue Page to beat Jarrett down but Scott Steiner hits the ring to make it 2-1. Luger, now a face I guess, comes in to help Page but Bagwell, Vampiro and Wall came in. By George WE’VE GOT STABLE WARS!!! Sting’s save doesn’t work as Booker T. (yes T.) comes in to help the New Blood. The New Blood obliterates the Millionaire’s Club as Russo and Bischoff come out to watch. They go to leave but an angry Bret Hart is waiting for them to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a failure because they had an idea but that doesn’t mean it was a well executed idea. Nash summed it up best: what happened to the wrestling show? It’s very clear that under Russo and Bischoff, this has stopped being a wrestling show and is now just a poorly written drama.

The idea of having the youth vs. the old guys is solid, but when the stuff like “they have to earn their music and pyro” is literally forgotten fifteen minutes after it starts and the stories are almost all based around dirtsheets that wouldn’t be frequently read today, those stories are quickly forgotten. That’s Russo in a nutshell: yeah there are ideas there, but the ton of horrible stuff on top of them crush any positives.

Either way, this show was not good. It had a lot going on, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good show. Spring Stampede feels like it has the potential to be an even bigger disaster and I’m terrified to think what we might have to sit through in order to form Russo and Bischoff’s vision for WCW.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 26, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s week three of the GFW era in TNA and there’s a chance that Jeff Jarrett is going to take over as the full time boss. There is no way this could go badly for TNA of course. Other than that we have Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez for Chris’ leg because they need something to keep the feud going. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of all the GFW stuff so far.

Here are the Hardys to open things up. Jeff says he’s glad to be back and talks about the gold they’ve won everywhere. He knows Matt will be the next World Champion so Matt thanks all of the fans for their support. Matt reiterates that he wants the title so here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to respond.

Ethan talks about meeting the men who inspired him to start wrestling in 1999 and being so disappointed. Now he’s beaten Matt in Matt’s own match and Jeff is just a daredevil who can’t stick a landing. Jeff offers to beat him with a chair since he can’t wrestle yet, but instead Ethan just grants Matt his rematch request. However, if Ethan retains, Jeff becomes his personal assistant. Do you really want Jeff doing household chores? I could see this ending with a big fire.

We recap Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez, which has seen Young beating him at every turn but Melendez keeps coming. Now he’s putting up his prosthetic leg for one more match. Sure why not.

Young says he can’t be held responsible for what happens next.

Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez

Young quickly takes over to start and tries to rip the leg off early. Instead he settles for a chinlock but Melendez fights up with some clotheslines. A Bubba Bomb (remember he was trained by Team 3D) puts Eric down but he rakes the eyes to keep Chris in trouble. The piledriver is broken up so Young rolls him up and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 3:15.

Rating: D. Now that’s it right? There’s no more reason for these two to fight and they’re never going to again right? The match was nothing due to the time, but the fact that Chris Melendez was in there didn’t do it any favors either. When I’m happier to see Eric Young, you can tell something is bad.

Young demands the leg right now and Melendez hands it over, only after hopping along because Young keeps backing up.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. DJZ vs. Sonjay Dutt

Tigre is defending and of course there’s no story here. DJZ dropkicks Tigre to the floor to start but walks into a hurricanrana. Sonjay sends him out to the floor and nails a flip dive off the apron to the fans mild boredom. Back in and Tigre misses a corkscrew moonsault, allowing DJZ to come back with a quick gutbuster to the champ. Dutt comes back in for a tornado DDT on the champ but the challengers clothesline each other to put all three guys down. DJZ is up first but gets German suplexed into the corner, setting up Tigre’s springboard splash to retain at 5:03.

Rating: C. Well they had five minutes, no story and some decent spots. Standard X-Division all the way here, but I still have no idea why I’m supposed to care about Tigre. Yeah he’s held the title for a few months, but I don’t know anything about him. Oh wait he loves his hometown and doesn’t like Donald Trump. That’s all they’ve got on him and that’s not enough to overcome some mediocre title defenses with no story.

James Storm demands that Manik and Abyss win the Tag Team Titles and no more dancing from Manik.

Recap of the opening segment.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Abyss/Manik

Abyss/Manik are challenging. Davey and Abyss get things going and the monster shoves the champ down with ease. It’s off to Eddie to try his luck to little effect as Abyss pounds on him as well. Manik comes in and gets beaten up in the corner. Davey gets dragged into the Revolution’s corner though and Abyss comes back in to choke in and splash. Manik gets two off a belly to back and it’s time to crank on the arms.

A dropkick stops Davey’s comeback as Josh talks about Wolves Nation. How many nations can there possibly be? Davey finally gets over for the tag so Eddie can clean house, only to have Abyss grab both champions by the throat. The Wolves backflip out (that looked cool) and kick Abyss down, setting up a double missile dropkick in the corner. Cue Storm to break up whatever the Wolves had planned but Mahabali Sheera comes out to chase Storm off. The powerbomb into a backstabber is enough to put Manik away and retain the titles at 6:19.

Rating: C+. I liked this match better than I was expecting to as you had the challengers actually feeling like more than just a throw together team, even though they’ve badly had a single match together. Good enough match here though and the Wolves are still fun to see with that precision offense.

Jeff Hardy accepts Ethan’s challenge. This could have been tacked on to the first segment to save some time.

We recap Jeff Jarrett’s return to the company.

Knockouts Title: Velvet Sky vs. Brooke

Brooke is defending in what should be an obvious ending. Feeling out process to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage. A Russian legsweep gets two for the champ and she forearms Velvet down with a hard shot. Velvet comes back with a running neckbreaker for tow but they clothesline each other down. Brooke knocks her to the floor but doesn’t want a countout. Instead she whips Velvet into the steps but here’s the Dollhouse for the DQ at 3:54.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. I would get into the Dollhouse again but with Gail Kim around, it’s kind of a waste of time because Gail is going to end the team like a heroine is supposed to do. Another match that didn’t have time to go anywhere either, which gets old in a hurry. At least Velvet didn’t get the title back in a nothing match.

The beatdown is on but here’s Rebel of all people to….join the Dollhouse and help beat Velvet down as Taryn laughs from the back.

Roode says he’ll win.

Anderson says he’ll win tonight.

Drew Galloway gets bad news on the phone.

Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm vs. Bobby Roode vs. Lashley

Winner gets PJ Black for the King of the Mountain Title next week. It’s a brawl to start and all four head outside to fight. Roode can’t suplex Lashley on the ramp so Lashley and Anderson clean house, only to turn it into a standoff as we take a break. Back with Roode and Storm having an old school standoff to a smattering of applause. Dinero: “They’re facing off…..again.”

Roode gets two off a quick neckbreaker but Anderson breaks it up. Lashley is back in as well for a superplex to Storm. Anderson misses a swanton bomb and gets clotheslined by Storm but they both head outside. Lashley turns Roode inside out off a clothesline but Roode knees out of a delayed vertical. The Roode Bomb is blocked by a grab of the ropes, only to have Storm come back in with a Codebreaker.

Anderson’s swinging neckbreaker puts Storm down and the Mic Check gets two on Roode. Lashley spears Anderson to the floor, only to charge into the Last Call. We’re down to Roode vs. Storm again and the Beer Money chant sets up a double suplex on Anderson. They load up the signature taunt but the Roode Bomb plants Storm for the pin at 13:30.

Rating: C+. Fun match here but what’s it for? A shot at a title that doesn’t actually belong to this company? Roode winning is the logical choice and Storm is the perfect one to take the fall since he’s on his way out. They kept this moving fast enough to make the match work and that’s all you can do here.

Velvet Sky, Gail Kim and Brooke are all on the cover of the calendar. So much for the competition.

Ethan is pleased with the Hardys’ decision.

Here’s Dixie for the big announcement about Jarrett being in charge going forward. She says the best times in this company’s history have been when two people are working together on top. Jeff is invited to the ring and thanks Dixie for that surprise phone call a month or so ago. They have something special going with this partnership and Dixie believes they’re unstoppable when they work together. Sweet goodness have you looked into being stopped? This brings out Drew Galloway with news as we go to a break.

Back with Drew going on about the dark cloud of the attacks over TNA. After praising Jeff, Drew thinks it’s weird that there are no clues, but he put his criminology degree to use (that’s a cool idea for a change) and said there’s only one clue: the license plates of the getaway cars. And what do you know: they’re both registered to Jeff Jarrett. You know, the guy he was praising a minute ago.

Jeff says no way but here’s Karen Jarrett to say she did it for her husband, her family and for GFW. She says one little spark can cause a giant inferno. With that, Jeff kicks Drew low and here are the GFW guys to beat Galloway down. Some TNA midcarders run out for an attempt at a save but get beaten down as well. The Wolves take a beating too and GFW poses to end the show. Good night this felt lame. Like wow, JEFF JARRETT turning his back on someone? Who would have seen that coming? And Chris Masters and Justin Gabriel as top villains? This really is the best they can do too, and that’s pathetic.

Overall Rating: C-. Yeah fine. The wrestling was watchable here but there’s so little here as far as storylines go. Jeff Jarrett as the big bad is supposed to be the major story? Another Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III match? I know their TV is running out, but they’re not exactly lighting the world on fire to make me want to see more. The show was decent enough this week, but it’s nothing worth seeing, as is almost always the case around here. By the way, that last segment: longer than any match tonight.

Results

Eric Young b. Chris Melendez – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Sonjay Dutt – Springboard splash to DJZ

Wolves b. Manik/Abyss – Powerbomb/backstabber combo to Manik

Brooke b. Velvet Sky via DQ when the Dollhouse interfered

Bobby Roode b. James Storm, Lashley and Mr. Anderson – Roode Bomb to Storm

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: March 29, 2000
Location: Astro Arena, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 5,727
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

This show is pretty much worthless given what’s coming in a few weeks. Therefore, it’s just another week of meaningless Thunder so at least it’s a regular show. The promotion is so dull at this point that there’s only so much they can do to make this last night before the reboot interesting. Let’s get to it.

By the way, of those 5,727, only 1,727 were paid. In the year 2000, Houston, Texas had a population of 1.9 million people. You should be able to draw 2,000 people if you hang a sign outside the building that says STAY CLEAR! RABID SQUIRREL OUTBREAK!

Opening sequence. The fact that Oklahoma is seen having a match in the video tells you all you need to know.

As soon as we’re in the arena, it’s time to talk about Russo and Bischoff. This is going to be a very long night.

Chris Candido vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Candido goes right after him to start as the announcers talk about Michael Modest’s win on Monday. A northern lights suplex gets two on Chavo but the referee gets knocked to the floor. Cue the Artist to nail Candido and Modest comes in to go after Chavo, only to eat a DDT. He doesn’t bother to sell it though as he has to hit a quick White Noise, setting up Candido’s top rope headbutt for the pin. This match didn’t break two minutes and had a ref bump and two run-ins. Oh yeah Russo is back.

They all brawl post match and Chavo dives onto Modest and Candido before chasing Artist to the back.

The announcers talk about Russo and Bischoff arriving soon. I should probably just copy that for later.

Recap of Nitro, focusing on Sting and Luger’s comedy brawling and Hogan vs. Wall.

Dustin Rhodes asks a horse statue what he should think about Russo and Bischoff arriving. A lot of wrestlers are asked about this throughout the night so I’m not going to bother saying what they’re talking about unless it’s something different.

Kidman gets the same treatment, minus the horse. Instead he talks about politics and elevating young talent to get the ratings back on top. I think I’d rather hear from the horse.

Some WCW people were at a charity basketball game. Nothing wrong with that.

Jim Duggan vs. Barbarian

Oh come on. Like, come on. I’m a Jim Duggan fan and I even had the foam 2×4 on my wall as a kid. I met him at Axxess last year and he was the nicest guy in the world. But I have absolutely no desire to see him wrestling in 2000, especially against someone like Barbarian. The worst part: this is probably going to get way more time and have a much cleaner finish than the first match. Duggan comes out in his janitor’s outfit with the TV Title on backwards (this is non-title because it’s only defended on Saturday Night) because Jim Duggan is TV Champion in the year 2000.

Duggan slugs away with his big right hands and a clothesline sends Barbarian out to the floor. Tenay hypes up a bunch of wrestlers telling us their thoughts on Russo and Bischoff returning throughout the night. This announcement came out two days ago on Nitro and I’m already numb to it. Tonight’s big draw is opinions on the new creative team? It’s like a dirt sheet got a TV deal and is running matches with whatever talent they could find, including these relics from the 1980s.

I mean, this match feels like it should be main eventing a legends of wrestling card at the county fair. It’s bad enough that I’m seeing a match that probably took place at a dozen house shows ten years ago, but now it’s the second match on Thunder in 2000 as Tenay promises more wrestlers discussing backstage politics, whatever that means to most wrestling fans.

I’m trying to get off of this and keep going with the match but I can’t wrap my head around how far this show and company has sunk. How is it possible that less than two years ago, Goldberg was the hottest thing the company has ever seen and now this is the best they can do? That really is impressive when you think about it.

Barbarian puts Duggan in a bearhug because what else is he going to do to him. Some shots to the head break Duggan out, because of all the things they don’t hold over here, they forget the racial stereotypes. Duggan finally bites the face to escape and now the right hands to the head work. The three point clothesline is countered with a boot to the face but Duggan shrugs it off, hits a horrible clothesline and drops the Old Glory knee for the pin.

Rating: F. I was right. It ran about four and a half minutes, or more than double the opener, and had a completely clean finish. The worst part is that the match actually had a story to it. A weak story but a story nonetheless. It’s the lack of any kind of caring for the match that makes it a failure, because there is no justification for these two to be out there on this stage.

Torrie Wilson thinks it can get them back on top of the ratings war.

Norman Smiley is glad Bischoff is back because he hired Norman in the first place and Russo got behind the Screaming Norman character. Yes character, because the stuff you see on camera is fake, but this interview is real.

The Cat vs. Dustin Rhodes

Aren’t these two both heels? Cat doesn’t want to hurt Dustin so here’s a replacement.

Mr. Jones vs. Dustin Rhodes

Yes it’s Dustin Rhodes vs. Virgil. Dustin is rightfully ticked off so he punches Jones a few times, bulldogs him, gets distracted by Cat, and takes a chair to the head from Terry Funk for the DQ.

Cat dances and does the James Brown cape thing, only to elbow Jones in the process.

Tank Abbott and Curt Hennig are in the positive camp.

Shannon Moore/Shane Helms vs. Los Fabulosos

If there is ANY justice in the world, this will be a 45 minute match. 3 Count performs before the match but Miss Hancock cuts them off. I really shouldn’t be conflicted about this but I’m not sure which I’d rather see. For some reason Tenay is stunned that Hancock is with Los Fabulosos. Evan is the one on the floor here. Los Fabulosos try a double sunset flip to start before double teaming Shannon. Evan unsuccessfully hits on Hancock (can’t blame a guy for trying) as Los Fabulosos have some miscommunication. King is hurricanranaed out to the floor but Evan isn’t ready for the double teaming. Instead, Dandy rolls Shane up for the pin.

Chavo thinks it could work.

The Cat hopes it means more TV time.

Here are Disco Inferno and the Mamalukes, with Disco saying that if the Mamalukes can beat Harlem Heat, they get a title shot. However, Vito isn’t happy. First off, they’re Paisans, not Mamalukes. Secondly, Disco isn’t doing anything for them, so until he learns how to manage them, they’re going to manage him. That starts with this match.

Disco Inferno vs. Tank Abbott

Tenay: “OH YEAH!” Disco faints but Tank picks him up for some slams and the big right hand ends this in less than a minute.

We’re five matches into this show and Duggan vs. Barbarian is still the longest match on the show by far.

One of the Twins likes the idea of a 1975 booking style in 2000. What does that even mean?

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker

Jeff is defending and lets the NWO girls stick around again. Booker hammers away to start and gets a quick two off a rollup. The ax kick is broken up by the Harris Twins though, which the referee somehow misses. Back in and the champ chokes on the ropes but crotches himself by mistake. You know, as opposed to those times where you intentionally crotch yourself.

Instead it’s time for the sleeper but Booker fights back because Jeff’s sleeper doesn’t have the best track record. Jeff gets crotched against the post and Booker scores with a missile dropkick. The Twins offer a distraction (because you can’t just not look at them) and Jeff gets in a belt shot for two. The referee goes down but Jeff’s middle rope guitar shot is caught in a Rock Bottom, only to have the Twins come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Well it beat Duggan and Barbarian. It was by thirteen seconds, but at least it did beat it. Of course it required two run-ins, a ref bump a belt shot and an attempted guitar shot before the interference to end the show, but it was longer than Duggan vs. Barbarian. Booker is getting closer but I don’t see anything good for him out of this new regime. Maybe he’ll tell us about it later!

Booker cleans house post match.

Miss Hancock, called Stacy, is happy with the returns.

Duggan thinks it could go well for him if they stop being prejudiced.

Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat

I think the winners get a title shot but it’s not clear if Disco was lying earlier. Vito and Stevie get things going but it’s quickly double teaming to put Stevie down. Johnny comes in to try a springboard but he gets kicked down to change control. Big T.’s spinebuster drops Johnny again as the announcers actually call the match for a change. Johnny’s spinning kick to the face sets up the hot tag to Vito so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Harlem Heat takes over again with Cash sending Johnny into the post on the floor. Cash comes in and the match is FINALLY thrown out.

Rating: D. Bad match here as the Mamalukes are now somehow one of the best teams in WCW. Now what do I mean by that? Are they better than the Jung Dragons or 3 Count? Probably not, but those teams are cruiserweights and therefore totally different than the regular tag teams. That’s one of those WCW things: people are put in slots and that’s where they are no matter what they do.

Vampiro is happy. He looks weird without paint on, but he’s happy with the new writers.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. You would think they would ask the driver about the new writers.

Shannon thinks it’s a plus.

Kidman vs. Ron Harris

Kidman gets a jobber entrance because of all the time spent on talking to wrestlers about writers. Kidman tries to speed things up but the wind from a missed big boot puts him down. Some right hands have little effect on Ron so Don low bridges Kidman out to the floor. A whip into the barricade keeps this match going because you need more Ron Harris in your life. Back in and a middle rope dropkick drops Ron and an awkward looking high cross body gets two. That’s enough though so here’s Don for the DQ.

Rating: D. So let me get this straight. They took a team like the Harris Brothers, who aren’t interesting, aren’t over, and aren’t very good and gave them the Tag Team Titles. What do they do next? Take away the one thing they have going for them (being twins in case you were trying to figure it out) and get rid of it for the sake of a lame fake injury angle. I know I say this company can’t get any dumber but they continue to astound me.

Shane Helms says yay and Johnny the Bull agrees.

Hardcore Title: The Dog vs. Brian Knobbs

Yes Dog is back and this time Billy Silverman has him on a leash. Brian is defending and brings out a dumpster full of weapons. Dog gets in a good trashcan lid shot but Knobbs sprays him with a fire extinguisher. They head outside with Dog being whipped into the barricade before it’s table time back inside. Knobbs charges into a boot but Dog bites instead of covering. Brian sends him through the table in the corner before a middle rope trashcan shot is enough to retain the title.

Rating: D. As usual, there’s nothing to this idea and the match was the same one we’ve seen Knobbs have for months. The worst part here is the Dog, which has to be one of the worst gimmicks of all time. Above all else with it though, it’s not even a complex character. It’s like wrestling as the Wolfman or putting the word Big before your name. There was clearly no effort put into this, but they somehow made it as stupid as it could possibly be. I mean THE GUY IS A DOG! How can they possibly think this is the best they can put on TV? These things astound me more and more every single week and my mind can’t handle much more.

Bagwell and Knobbs like the idea. Wait….has ANYONE been against the idea? For something that’s so controversial, the results have been nearly unanimous. They can’t even keep their storylines right with worked shoot promos.

Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka

The Skull Captain is in the hizz-ouse! He loses control of the mic again and starts talking even when the mic isn’t at his lips. The voice calls Buff lumpy and promises a beating as La Parka holds up a sign that says I’M SORRY. This is another good example of why WCW is so frustrating. The whole La Parka vs. the voice thing is actually a clever idea.

Unfortunately, he’s being fed to people like Tank Abbott who is still doing the same thing he was doing when he started or Buff Bagwell, who is doing the same thing since he became Buff Bagwell because La Parka isn’t a guy that can go anywhere, like say into the Cruiserweight Title picture over someone as boring as the Artist. Therefore he’s stuck working as hard as he can and getting nowhere while Buff stayed around WCW’s midcard despite being a jerk who never seemed to put in any effort.

La Parka punches and kicks before nailing a hard clothesline, only to get backdropped down. Probably out of frustration, La Parka hits him low and then drills Buff with a chop. An enziguri gets two as the announcers mostly ignore the match to talk about the Wall. La Parka goes up and mostly botches a split legged moonsault for two. A corkscrew moonsault misses (on purpose this time) and the Blockbuster gives Buff the pin.

Rating: D+. So yeah, the over and skilled guy gets to lose to the guy who has been here nine years and barely ever accomplished a thing because one of them has star potential. We’ll ignore the fact that Bagwell hasn’t actually lived up to any of that potential since he got to WCW but it’s still there so let’s keep giving him wins.

Ric Flair is asked his opinions and says he’ll need ten minutes on Nitro to get through them all.

The Wall vs. Vampiro

Wall throws the chair in but eats a Van Daminator to knock him to the floor. I’m not even going to bother to complain about the lack of a DQ. Vampiro dives to take Wall down but Wall drops him ribs first across the top rope. Back up and Wall punches the chair into Vampiro’s face before drawing out a table. Vampiro chairs Wall through the table though and that’s the DQ.

Wall gets up again and slugs it out with Vampiro but security breaks it up. The guys beat up security and slug it out as the show ends.

Overall Rating: E. As in embarrassed. WCW should be embarrassed for putting this on. I know that WCW isn’t known for having the best brain trust behind it, but I refuse to accept that anyone who works in wrestling can look at this show and think that it’s the best possible product they can put out there.

In about 82 minutes of TV time, we saw 11 matches, none of which broke five minutes. Now there are shows that can have short matches and make it work. The old WCW show did and NXT makes it work a lot of the time today. However, that idea doesn’t work when five of the eleven matches have clean finishes, assuming you count the hardcore match as a clean finish. Other than that, every match ended in a DQ or was thrown out. How is that good wrestling? How is that good television?

Oh but wait because there’s other stuff besides wrestling. I can go with that. 1997 Monday Night Raw had some horrible wrestling but the promos were so awesome that it was one of the best years the company ever had. What did we get for promos on this show? Sixteen soundbytes from wrestlers and a valet, saying they think the new writers can turn WCW around, basically saying “yeah we kind of suck right now.”

That’s Thunder this week. 11 matches, nothing over five minutes, five clean finishes (one of which was Tank Abbott over Disco Inferno in 50 seconds) and 16 quick promos all saying some version of the same thing. Any guesses as to what Smackdown aired the next night for the WWF’s mid week show? Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rock vs. Kurt Angle. The oldest of those four at this point: Eddie Guerrero, age 32. In other words, not Jim Duggan vs. the Barbarian.

I’ve watched a lot of wrestling, including every Nitro, Thunder and Raw. I’ve sat through the old Herb Abrams UWF, Wrestling Society X and some flat out awful old school and indy shows. This show in particular got to me though, because it felt like the people producing it were laughing at wrestling fans and trying to insult them.

As bad as wrestling can get at times, you very rarely get the feeling that there isn’t at least some effort. Even in a company like TNA, it feels like they’re trying but just lost their way a long time ago. This show felt like WCW was saying “Those idiots are still watching. Let’s see how much they can take.” Then they sat back and laughed at the people who actually stuck with them because their salaries were guaranteed no matter how bad their product became.

This show was an embarrassment for WCW and wrestling fans in general. I feel sorry for the people who tried to make it work, because they’re fighting a battle that the people in power don’t want to win. The reboot is coming soon, but if this is what we’re going to have coming with it, things are going to get a lot sadder before they get better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re at war! Well, sort of. Last week the Global Force roster (well some of it at least) arrived to help out, with GFW boss Jeff Jarrett insisting that it was certainly not an invasion. It’s not clear where things go from here but they’re here for another night and Jarrett is in charge again. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week with PJ Black winning the King of the Mountain Title.

Tonight is Turning Point, despite it being a pretty standard show.

Here are the Jarretts to get things going. Jeff says everyone is buzzing about last week and Global Force has turned the wrestling world upside down. Uh, yeah that’s one way to put it Jeff. Tonight it’s time to make history though as PJ Black is challenging Ethan Carter III for the TNA World Title. This brings out Ethan, who says he isn’t fighting Black tonight.

Karen Jarrett tells Ethan who Jeff is and reminds him that Jeff still has ownership in this company. Maybe Ethan is upset because his aunt picked Jeff to be in charge instead of him. Then you had Bully Ray and Drew Galloway stand up and get attacked. Where was Ethan when that happened? Ethan goes to leave but Jeff threatens to call the board of directors and have him stripped of the title if he doesn’t defend tonight.

Drew Galloway wants to know what’s going on with the attacks on him and Bully Ray. He thinks it was Eli Drake, who he has in a No DQ match tonight.

Bram vs. Mr. Anderson

This is an Open Mic challenge, meaning the microphone is above the ring and can be used as a weapon. Anderson starts fast with some clotheslines and it’s already table time. Shouldn’t that be a DQ since it’s not the mic? The rules say nothing about tables. The Regal Roll through the table crushes Bram but knocks Anderson silly at the same time. Bram stops Anderson’s climb up the ladder (notice that this is the second ladder based match in a week) and plants him with the Brighter Side of Suffering.

It’s still not enough to let Bram get the mic so he throws in about ten chairs. Another Brighter Side of Suffering is countered and Anderson whips him into the ladder. Anderson takes too long going up though and gets powerbombed onto the chairs, allowing Bram to go get the mic. He takes too long talking trash though, allowing Anderson to Mic Check him onto the chairs. Some mic shots to the head knock Bram silly so Anderson can say he didn’t understand a word Bram just said. One last mic shot to the head is enough to pin Bram at 9:08.

Rating: D+. This was a great example of TNA’s storytelling issues in a nutshell. They’ve been feuding for a few weeks for reasons that aren’t entirely clear, and then they had a gimmick match where the object the match was built around played a tiny role in what happened. I don’t know why they were fighting, I have no reason to care about them fighting, and then Anderson beats the young star in the young star’s kind of match. What did this accomplish?

Jeff Jarrett blows Bobby Roode off.

Ethan doesn’t want to be stripped of the title.

Here’s the Revolution with something to say. Storm says they may not be blood, but their bond to each other makes them family. Some people have said that Storm was too hard on someone, so get out here now Khoya. Here’s Mahabali Sheera (formerly known as Khoya), who Storm admits he might have been too hard on. Storm says he was hard on Sheera to show him the way. Sheera came to this country knowing nothing so Storm took him under his wing and into his home.

That’s why Storm wants him back in the Revolution, but Khoya says his name is Mahabali Sheera and he is his own man who won’t be slapped around like trash. Who slaps trash? Like these people, he likes to have fun and to dance. Everyone here must like to dance, so Sheera goes to the floor and starts to dance as Storm looks like he’s about to explode. By dance I mean cross his arms and move his shoulders back and forth.

Sheera gets back in the ring and punches Storm, earning him a beatdown from Abyss. A chokeslam puts Sheera down and Manik gives him a reluctant frog splash, setting up the Last Call from Storm. So they broke Khoya out of the Revolution and now he’s a dancer. Why am I even slightly surprised by this?

PJ Black says he’s winning the title tonight. Eric Young comes in and says he’s taking what he wants from whoever he wants.

Jade/Marti Belle vs. Gail Kim

In a cage with pins, submissions or escape. Gail rolls around and forearms both girls to start before scoring with a double clothesline. Jade starts choking, which is totally legal because Florida laws are suspended if a cage match is in progress. They send Gail into the cage and it’s time for a break.

Back with Jade breaking up Gail’s armbreaker on Marti and the double teaming begins. It’s time to climb the cage and Gail is able to hurricanrana Marti down, only to get decked by Jade for two. Gail is sat on top but shoves both girls off, only to have Kim climb up and dive onto the Dollhouse. A DDT puts Jade and Marti down for two but Marti is up to stomp away. That’s fine with Gail who suplexes both of them down and Marti cross bodies Jade by mistake, setting up Eat Defeat to pin Marti at 9:46.

Rating: D. So in case you didn’t know it, Gail Kim is the greatest Knockout of all time and her name must be praised forever because she is THE GREATEST KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME. That’s all this match was about: showcasing Gail, who has been around forever and stopped being interesting about seven years ago. There was no need for this to be in a cage either, making the mess of a match even worse.

Dixie tells Ethan that he’s either defending or he’s stripped. In other words, this segment changes nothing whatsoever and really didn’t need to be included.

Back from a break with Gail, who Josh describes as the greatest Knockout of all time, is looking for Taryn.

Matt Hardy promises to be in Ethan’s face no matter what. This earns him a match with Tyrus.

Eli Drake, with a leather X across his chest (think He-Man), says he’s going to prove that he’s better than Drew Galloway.

Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake

No DQ. They fight to the floor early on with Drake getting in some chair shots to the ribs. We hit the chinlock on Drew for a bit before Eli throws him to the floor. Back in and Drew goes off with forearms in the corner until Drake kicks him low and nails a DDT onto the chair.

Drew kicks out again and it’s table time (to be fair it had been a whole hour since we saw one), only to have Drake baseball slide it into his face. Drake finds a crutch, because you have to use the same weapon that started a feud, and breaks it over Drew’s back, only to get caught trying to put Drew on the table. Instead, Drew gives him a White Noise through the table for the pin at 9:41.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but as usual, TNA starts something a few weeks ago and I have no real reason to care about yet another hardcore match. We just had something like this earlier tonight with a cage match in the middle. This isn’t even a hardcore themed show but this is how TNA does feuds: you have a match, then you have a gimmick match, then you keep having gimmick matches without much in between to make you care about why the people are fighting. They’re just fighting because they did before and the last match validates a rematch.

Taryn is running from Gail but finds Velvet Sky who won’t let her move. This was a ten second scene that came immediately after Drew got his pin and then it was off to a preview of what’s still to come. This is one of TNA’s biggest problems: they jump from thing to thing so fast that there isn’t time for any of them to sink in. There’s too much stuff going on every week and it makes it hard to care about anything.

Back from a break with Velvet backing Taryn up into Gail. Kim handcuffs her to a post and Velvet says the camera doesn’t need to see this.

Eric Young comes out and says he’s the best in the world and should be in the main event tonight. This brings out Chris Melendez to protest. Good grief why is this still going? Melendez says he never quit, just like he didn’t in Baghdad. Young points out the obvious: he has nothing to gain from Melendez. Chris keeps badgering him and Eric keeps saying no in a scene straight out of Family Matters with Urkel and Carl. Finally Eric agrees if Melendez will put up his leg. The deal is made and Young’s piledriver is countered as Melendez stands tall. For now, until he loses because he sucks.

Dixie has a plan in case Ethan forfeits the title. Jeff wants to talk to her about something else but she wants to get through this first.

Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus

Tyrus slams Matt down and hits a quick Vader Bomb before throwing him outside. A few elbow drops crush Matt’s ribs and this is one sided so far. Back in and two Twists of Fate give Matt the pin at 2:16. Well that happened.

Ethan Carter comes out and hits Matt with the title before ordering Jeff Jarrett to send out his best for the title match.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. PJ Black

Ethan is defending and I’ll only refer to him as the champion. Carter goes after Black in the corner and pounds him down before slapping on an early chinlock. Black fights up with some cross bodies in the corner, followed by a top rope cross body for two. It’s already time for the 450 but Carter pulls him down with a superplex for two.

Black kicks him in the face and gets two of his own off a top rope Lionsault. A rollup gets two for the champ and he lifts Black up into a powerbomb for two more. The 1%er is countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two and Black wins a slugout. He connects with the springboard 450 and Carter is up at two, pretty much ending Black’s chances of winning. Carter crotches him on the top and the 1%er retains the title at 8:15.

Rating: D+. Not bad but here’s the thing: what do we know about Black other than he’s a high flier, he used to be Justin Gabriel and his finishing move (which is now 0/1) is a 450 splash? Somehow that’s the GFW Champion for all intents and purposes and he just lost clean after hitting his finisher. Boring match too as they had to fly through everything.

Why did they have to fly through everything? For more Dixie of course! Jeff wants to keep the momentum going after two weeks of him being in charge working. Therefore, he wants to be the full time boss. Ever the dumbest person in the history of wrestling (even Sting had to explain things to her), Dixie feels good about it but asks for a week to think about it.

An ad for next week ends the show and they’re off the air at 10:59.

Overall Rating: D. There was not a single thing on this show that I cared about. It was two hours of mostly bad wrestling with stories that are barely explained or are just continuing because the guys have nothing else to do. This is the best they can do for a special episode?

What is supposed to make me want to keep watching? To find out who attacked Bully Ray and Galloway? Well Drew said it was Drake and then beat him, so that story is wrapped up for now. Uh…maybe to find out what else Jeff wanted to talk about? Seriously what else is there? This company is really boring right now and that’s a lot worse than being bad.

Results

Mr. Anderson b. Bram – Mic to the head

Gail Kim b. Jade/Marti Belle – Eat Defeat to Belle

Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – White Noise through a table

Matt Hardy b. Tyrus – Twist of Fate

Ethan Carter III b. PJ Black – 1%er

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/

Monday Nitro #233
Date: March 27, 2000
Location: Sheraton Hotel, South Parde Island, Texas
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Well this is suddenly a packed show. First of all, it’s the Spring Breakout Show, meaning it’s a party themed show, which also means all of the people in attendance were in for free. Above that though, we’re officially in the last year of WCW as they would air their last show on March 26, 2001. The big story is Sid turning on Hogan last week so it’s time for Old People Theater. Let’s get to it.

Gene Okerlund opens the show in the ring because he’s a party by himself. He has someone to bring out for their return to WCW but gets Kimberly (looking great here) instead. Gene: “I’ve been double crossed!” Kimberly does the introduction for him and of course it’s Diamond Dallas Page.

Gene plugs Page’s upcoming book signing and then gets to the less important stuff: Page’s back injury potentially ending his career. That gets a quick “I’ll be back and my back will be jacked” before Gene is off to Ready to Rumble, which comes out next week. Page basically gives a press junket interview about the movie and the premiere, but after all that’s done, he wants his World Title back (which will be jacked I’m assuming).

Cue the NWO because where would we be without them? Jarrett reminds Page that there’s only one star around here and it’s not going to be long before Jeff shows everyone why he’s the chosen one. There won’t be a three time champion because Jeff has the stroke around here (what stroke is he talking about? That hasn’t been clear since Russo left) and he’s going to crash the Hollywood premiere. Page can see the marque now: Jeff Jarrett in Bada Boom, Bada Bing, Bada BANG. This isn’t the most thrilling feud in the world, but you know it’s going to be better than Jarrett vs. Sid one more time.

The announcers talk for a bit with Tony asking for a bit more time before we go to the b-roll. Of note: a sign between the two talking heads: “I Wish I Was At Raw.” The big news of the week: Eric Bischoff is back to head up creative. However, “you may have heard on the internet”, Vince Russo might coming back as well. Keep in mind that Russo is just a name to WCW fans. I don’t think it was ever announced that the Long Island voice of the flailing arm was Russo so, as is my normal question here, WHY WOULD FANS CARE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF CREATIVE???

As usual, this is WCW/Russo (who was officially back despite Tony saying we get his decision tonight) thinking that everyone is on the internet trying to find out all the inside stuff when that was maybe half a percent of the audience at this point. I mean, even today when that number has grown significantly (but is still the minority), I don’t want the companies acknowledging it. There’s a suspension of disbelief there and it ruins a lot of the mood by saying “yeah this is all scripted.” But hey, it makes Russo feel smart so it’s all fine.

To continue the theme of stupid moments, we get a clip of Jimmy Hart on the Mancow radio show where he got in a fight with the host. Keep in mind that he was in Chicago for the start of ticket sales for Spring Stampede, which was about three weeks after the on sale date. Is anyone surprised that tickets for the show didn’t go so well? Anyway, Mancow wants to fight Hart in the ring. I’m sure this is going to get pay per view time.

Three jobbers are in the back when Paisley comes up to give one of them a Cruiserweight Title match. The one in the middle, better known as Michael Modest, gets the shot.

The NWO was at the pool to discuss the breast stroke. One of the Harris Twins’ arms was in a sling.

Booker rambles about Kidman and threatens the healthy Harris Twin. I think they’re fighting tonight, but given how much Booker was going on, they might be taking in a matinee.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Michael Modest

Artist is defending of course. Both guys get in the ring and another song plays but it’s just an error because WCW. Tony talks about fans talking to him about the return of Russo and Bischoff and my goodness just shut up already. Does anyone believe that this is the hottest story among common fans?

Modest throws a nice t-bone suplex and hammers away in the corner as Tony goes on about Russo’s success in the WWF leading to the downfall of Bischoff. Chavo and Candido come to the ring for a closer look. Madden on Russo and Bischoff: “What’s next? The cat working with the dog?” I get the joke, but WCW ran that match on Thunder this past week.

Artist is put in the Tree of Woe as we hear more about Russo and Bischoff before Tony throws in Sid issuing a half million dollar bounty on Hogan’s head. Modest grabs a quick Death Valley Driver for two as Chavo and Paisley argue on the apron. Madden: “Maybe we’re not putting this match over enough.” Artist gets knocked into Paisley and Modest hits something like White Noise for the pin, though this is suddenly a non-title match after the announcers and Paisley both said it was before the match started.

Rating: C. Modest looked fine out there and was a nice surprise, but you can tell Russo is back as there were 19 other things going on during the match. Between Tony and Madden never shutting up about the new writers and three people at ringside for whatever reason, I could barely see the match since the camera couldn’t stay still. But yeah Modest looked good here, which is why we won’t be seeing him in the ring again until January.

The announcers freak out over the finisher before jumping right back to the bounty. To be fair that’s a bigger story than Modest.

The Harris Twins get promo time. Oh sweet goodness the Harris Twins are getting promo time. Don has injured his shoulder from pressing Midajah back at the hotel, so tonight it’s Booker vs. Ron.

Spring break videos.

Hogan arrives but Vampiro flags him down for a chat.

Booker T. vs. Ron Harris

Ron is in an NWO shirt, jean shorts and tennis shoes. Don offers a quick trip so Ron can clothesline Booker to the floor as the announcers talk about Russo and Bischoff again. Booker fights back with a spinebuster and the ax kick but here’s Jarrett for a distraction, allowing Don to sneak in for an H Bomb (arm was fine of course) to give Ron the pin. So now Booker is losing to one of the Harris Twins? Jarrett is one thing but Booker has had singles success. This is too much of a stretch.

Harlem Heat comes out post match but Kidman runs in to save Booker.

Vampiro tells Hogan about the bounty in one of those moments that is so obviously scripted that it hurts my soul.

Gene brings out Hogan for a chat with Hulk taking his sweet time to get out here. Thankfully the announcers pick up on this and suggest that someone got to him already. Hogan talks about girls in swimsuits giving Jimmy Hart a massage to make him feel better after last week. Well he isn’t going to top that all night. Hulk thinks he should just stand out here all night and beat up Sid (who isn’t here) until the sun comes up. The frat boys chant for Hogan, who calls Vampiro the wrestler of the future.

Hogan and Vampiro is one of the most bizarre buddy pairings I’ve ever seen in wrestling. He sees the magic of Hulkamania in Vampiro and promises to watch his back. Cue the Wall’s music and we see him on the roof of the hotel next door where he signals for a chokeslam. Hogan: “THAT’S THE WALL!” Keep in mind that the hotel is about 15 stories high and at least a street away from the show, meaning that Wall would likely be a white dot from Hogan’s vantage point in the ring.

Disco tells the Mamalukes that their match with the Jung Dragons is their final step towards a title shot.

Jung Dragons vs. Mamalukes/Disco Inferno

The Dragons come out to 3 Count’s music with their green circles, meaning it’s time for Japanese boy band music. The Mamalukes sneak in from behind to jump start the beating, complete with their own version of the H Bomb to Jamie. Disco chills on the floor to start as Vito hammers Jamie in the corner. A charge in the corner misses though and Kaz comes in off the hot tag to clean house.

That earns him the wrath of Kung Fu Vito, who slugs Kaz down and brings in Johnny. A huge gorilla press toss sends Kaz over the top and to the floor in a big crash, but Tony is reading the announcement that Russo and Bischoff will work together. Yeah it’s been hyped up all night and it’s mentioned during a nothing six man tag. Vito picks Jamie up for a suplex and runs around the ring with him up in the air. That’s some impressive power.

Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope for a spinning guillotine legdrop but it’s still not enough to get the announcers’ attention. This is straight out of the NWO era playbook where everything else is important except the match at hand. As Tony keeps going on, he ignores the Harris Twins interfering. I mean literally, it’s like he’s not even watching the match. There’s no change in his tone or anything and he just continues on about the announcement. Disco comes in via a slap to the face but the Dragons take him down and hit Chris Chetti and Nova’s Tidal Wave (FINALLY getting a reaction from Madden) for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’ve always been a fan of the Tidal Wave so this was a good ending. The announcers drove me crazy but that’s par for the course in WCW: focus on everything except what’s going on right in front of you because that’s the real place of interest. The match was decent enough as it got a bit more time than average and the Mamalukes are fine for a midlevel power team.

Tony says the Harris Brothers have come in, a good minute and a half after they got here and started beating people up. The Twins clean house to make sure the Dragons don’t get a rub off this.

Nitro Girls.

Team Package vs. Sting/Vampiro

This is under Texas Tornado rules, meaning the first person to lose their foot and get a really impressive prosthetic wins for his team. I would throw in something about cocaine use but that’s too fair to Flair. Since this is an upper midcard feud, the announcers spend the entrances talking about Russo and Bischoff. It’s a brawl to start with Luger and Sting immediately fighting up the ramp and out to the pool. While that goes on, Flair wristlocks Vampiro, which Tony describes as turning up the heat.

Luger gets backdropped into the water as Vampiro has Flair in some kind of a leg lock. Back poolside, Luger pushes a waiter in as we keep cutting back and forth between the two fights. It turns into a food fight with Luger taking some salsa and sour cream to the face. Flair has Vampiro in the Figure Four but we need to watch Sting and Luger walk down a bridge towards the beach. Sting gets thrown onto a surfboard, but Tony has breaking news.

No, Flair hasn’t made Vampiro submit. No, Sting and Luger aren’t actually doing something interesting. Instead, THERE WILL BE REACTIONS FROM WRESTLERS TO THE RUSSO AND BISCHOFF ANNOUNCEMENT! When you ask? WE’RE NOT SURE YET! Vampiro spinwheel kicks Flair down for two as Luger and Sting are almost down to the water. Luger finally gets the salsa and sour cream knocked off of him and a piledriver on the sand is enough to give Sting the pin.

Rating: N/A. It’s not really fair to rate this as most of it was spent walking around to get to the beach with maybe 45 seconds of Flair vs. Vampiro thrown in. Some of the Luger vs. Sting stuff was amusing but it never reached beyond the lame garbage brawling and jokes about Luger being covered in sauces. I will however give them credit for finally using their surroundings as this could have been a lot more boring than it was.

Booker T.’s reaction to Russo and Bischoff returning: he doesn’t really care.

More spring break videos.

Terry Funk is ready for Hugh Morrus tonight and is still coming for Dustin Rhodes. Madden to Tony: “You and I will be retired long before Terry Funk.” He says this in jest but he’s actually right as Funk was still kicking around the indies about ten years after those two were done.

Meng vs. La Parka

La Parka’s voiceover talks about living large on spring break and how it’s one for him and one for his homies. He calls Meng Jungle Jim and the Tongan Death Grip gets Meng the pin about a minute later after no selling a chair shot.

The KidCam sees Buff Bagwell hitting on the same girls Steiner and the NWO talked to earlier. Is there a point to this coming anytime soon? We’ve been seeing Buff hit on women for like three months now and nothing has ever come of it. The NWO sees this and wants to kill Bagwell.

Fit Finlay thinks Russo and Bischoff can fix things.

Here’s the music video for Bif Naked’s We’re Not Gonna Take It, featuring a bunch of WCW people from Ready to Rumble.

Clips of Wall hurting people.

Terry Funk vs. Hugh Morrus

Funk has dropped the chicken in exchange for a chair. Tony has another announcement so he asks Madden to take over the play by play for a second. Madden: “All right. Morrus rushes at Funk and pounds him in the back with some heavy forearms.” Tony: “Ok that’s enough of that. Now for the announcement.” The announcement: next week’s Nitro and Thunder will be Best Of shows as we wait for the debut of the new Russo and Bischoff controlled WCW.

Funk chops on the ropes and sends Morrus into the buckle over and over. Tony: “Ok I’ve been told by the back to put over these two beating each other up. Well I can’t do that right now.” Instead, we’re told that Russo and Bischoff have two weeks to sort things out and debut their new WCW. Funk misses his moonsault and Tony FINALLY calls something (incorrectly of course), followed by Morrus missing his top rope elbow. They fight outside with Funk being powerbombed onto the sand and Tony finally pays some extended attention.

That lasts as long as an average Funk retirement as he talks about the two week break again. Morrus clotheslines Funk down and then knocks him out to the floor, only to miss a Cactus Elbow off the apron. Funk comes up with a chair for Morrus and a shot to the invading Dustin Rhodes, only to have Hugh plant Funk with a powerslam, followed by No Laughing Matter. Not that it matters though as Dustin hits Morrus with the chair for a DQ.

Rating: D. If nothing else, maybe we can get rid of this stupid story once the show is rebooted. Funk vs. Rhodes isn’t an interesting feud and is based on stuff that happened twenty years earlier. Therefore it’s perfect for WCW but annoying for its fans, which is why WCW keeps running for it.

Funk and Rhodes fight into the crowd as Morrus moonsaults the referee.

Hogan is ready for Wall and has his main man Vampyro (yes pyro) watching his back. “If the Wall tries to get on his boat to China, Vampiro (he got it right that time) will beat him with the hammerhead sharks.” Apparently Hogan is putting up half a million dollars of his own against Sid’s. So if Hogan wins he gets a million dollars? Well half a mil….you know what, I don’t care. Moving on.

Here’s the NWO for their tag match. After Steiner does his thing, Jarrett says he’s turning over a new leaf: the girls can stick around tonight.

Hennig and Bagwell are in the back, where Curt tells Bagwell to ignore the girls. Buff: “Oh come on. Girls are used to being wet around me.” Hennig: “Get your head in the game!” Buff: “It already is.”

The Artist, who doesn’t usually talk, thinks Russo and Bischoff coming in will suck. Oh wait that’s just what the boys want him to say. Instead, his real feelings are that he thinks they’ll give people a chance.

Even more spring break stuff.

Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Curt Hennig/Buff Bagwell

Hennig gets double teamed during Buff’s entrance. Bagwell sees what’s going on and keeps up his strutting before coming in for the save. Things settle down to Bagwell vs. Jarrett with Jeff in control but Buff gets in a knee lift and even more strutting. Hennig and Steiner come in and Scott easily breaks up the HennigPlex attempt. It’s time to ignore another match, but this time it’s to talk about Hogan vs. Wall up next. Bagwell comes back in and gets beaten up as Madden calls Steiner a human suplex machine.

Buff’s double arm DDT puts Jarrett down and the not hot tag (do you have any idea how hard it is to bore a college crowd?) brings in Hennig. Everything breaks down and Buff Blockbusters Jarrett but Jeff pops up and guitars Hennig (who had Steiner loaded up for the HennigPlex. He had Scott’s arm around his head and lifted the leg. Tony: “He may have been going for the HennigPlex but we’ll never know for sure.”) to set up the Steiner Recliner for the win. Buff was on the floor with the NWO girls instead of making a save.

Rating: D. Good night can someone put a gag on Schiavone? It’s amazing how much different things are when Bischoff is around to yell in his ear and make him sound like an idiot. Other than that, this was another lame match with the NWO fighting two guys who are thrown together because the NWO is still a thing for no apparent reason.

Vito thinks Russo and Bischoff are a step in the right direction to get the ratings back in order.

Hulk Hogan vs. The Wall

This is billed as a million dollar match with both guys putting up $500,000, even though Sid isn’t paying Wall anything unless Wall takes Hogan out. So if Wall wins he gets a million bucks total and if Hogan wins he gets……what? He doesn’t get the bounty from Sid and he keeps his own money, so why does Hogan put up any money in the first place? It’s kind of a one sided story and WCW has managed to make it more complicated than it ever should have been.

Wall pounds and chokes to start but Hogan comes back with his variety of right hands. Some more choking with I think part of Wall’s shirt is enough to send Hogan outside. It’s already table time but Hogan is waiting with a chair. Hogan pounds away with the chair but Wall no sells. Back in and Wall scores with the chokeslam but it’s Hogan’s turn to no sell. There are the big boot and legdrop but Wall does the Undertaker situp and goes after Hogan in the corner. Cue Vampiro to go after Wall for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I didn’t hate this as much as I thought I would as Hogan not only lost, but more importantly couldn’t beat Wall. This made Wall look like a monster instead of beating up people like David Flair and Crowbar over and over. It’s not a good match, but it gave Wall a big rub for a change, which is something he really needed.

Hogan and Vampiro knock Wall through the table but Wall still won’t sell to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t say I blame them for killing this off. Yeah WCW is starting to turn some stuff around, but it’s very clear that Sullivan and Russo/Bischoff’s booking don’t mix. Between all the brawling and boring stories we’ve been having for the last few weeks and now Tony going from a competent announcer to the airhead that he’s best remembered as all over again, there’s very little to get excited for around here and maybe the change will help for the time being.

I’m going to try to find a copy or recap of the Best Of shows for next week but there’s a chance I’ll just skip over them and be back in two weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/

Thunder
Date: March 22, 2000
Location: TD Waterhouse Center, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 2,443
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but Hulk Hogan’s buddy (and by buddy I mean someone he’s talked to twice) has turned on him and laid him out to end a show. Other than that we’ve still got Sting vs. Team Package because those three are joined at the hip for all eternity, doomed to wrestle each other forever, much like those fans stuck in the airport asking commentators and Kevin Nash about the goings on in WCW. Let’s get to it.

Quick montage of Nitro, focusing on Sid’s turn. Since this is Wrestlemania VIII all over again, I feel we should finally see Liz’s pictures as an apology.

Tank Abbott comes out and demands competition.

Tank Abbott vs. Fit Finlay

If this lasts two minutes I’ll be stunned. Abbott elbows Finlay in the corner to start before it heads to the mat with Fit in control. Some right hands and forearms have Tank in trouble and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Tank hits the big right hand to knock Finlay silly but here’s Meng. As luck would have it, Tank was looking at the entrance for a good five seconds before Meng’s music hit. Meng and Abbott get in a brawl for the DQ, even though Finlay is basically out.

We cut to the back where Hogan is punching Sid and slams him onto a table.

Gene is with Finlay in the ring and says he’s ready to fight Tank again because Abbott is as green as a frog. Before he can get much further, here are Hogan and Sid fighting down the aisle. Sid gets in the ring with Finlay and OH PLEASE let this wind up as a tag match with one of them having to team up with Abbott. Hogan vs./teaming with Tank could be the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Sid chokeslams Finlay and threatens Gene unless Hogan gets in here.

That goes nowhere so Sid wants a video played, which shows Hogan talking to Sid at Uncensored. Sid accuses Hogan of getting in his business, including helping him in the match against Jarrett and then at the press conference. He has a point, but this would be better had it not been over the course of 24 hours. Sid says Hogan was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hogan says any place, any time so Sid says bring it, but Hogan leaves because he’s a hypocrite.

Buff Bagwell doesn’t like Sid. The NWO is shown watching and doesn’t like Bagwell. I’m watching too and don’t like either, but the Harris Brothers are going to be around for a long time I’m sure because we’re just that lucky.

Here’s the Hogan vs. Sid brawl in case you forgot it in the last five minutes.

Sid hires some WCW security guards to work for him alone.

Dustin Rhodes is ready for Hulk Hogan later tonight. That could be……something.

Hogan can’t believe Dustin wants to fight him. As usual, Hogan thinks punching a guy in the face means nothing. Hogan being all delusional and thinking he never does anything wrong is one of my favorite things in wrestling. I mean, he hit Rock in the head with a hammer and crushed him with a semi truck but then gave him a thumbs up and posed with him so it was all cool. Jimmy Hart makes things even worse by saying Dustin just wants to fight him because he’s Hulk Hogan.

Jung Dragons vs. 3 Count

Please be as good as their Nitro match. Jamie-san and Shane get things going with Jamie shouldering Helms down in a surprising power display. Shannon sneaks in with a spinwheel kick after Shane gets sent to the floor and everything breaks down. Oh dear this is going to be hard to keep up with. The Dragons take over with a triple dive (that looked great) and Jamie ducks a moonsault from Shannon.

It’s off to Kaz who eats a knee to the ribs and gets tripled teamed in the corner as things have settled back down. A nice press slam drops Kaz again but he counters Evan’s cradle into a nice suplex. Yang comes in to clean house and fails at throwing Evan to the floor as Karagias can’t get through the ropes. It’s a good thing he moved on to something simpler like acting. Kaz and Jamie get tripped to the floor, leaving Shannon to hurricanrana Yang into a frog splash from Shane for the quick pin.

Rating: C+. As usual it was over too fast because we need to get to the eight other matches on this show. Oh and to Tank Abbott because he’s a star and therefore interesting or whatever. Unfortunately these six will be feuding for the rest of forever because, again, that’s how WCW works.

The Dragons, ever the sore losers, dropkick 3 Count out of the ring and steal the dancing circles. You can hear the young girls crying from here.

Chris Candido is from the school of Hard Knox don’t you know.

Chris Candido vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

The fans like Chavo. Artist and Paisley are shown watching in the back. They grapple to the mat until Chavo takes over with a headlock and here are Artist and Paisley to watch in person. Chavo sends him to the floor and follows with a nice dive as the fans are actually getting into this. Imagine that: getting into a match between talented guys.

Back in and Chavo dives into a Rock Bottom (becoming way too popular), followed by a delayed vertical for two. Candido slugs away in the corner but walks into a spinebuster. You don’t see Chavo go with the power that often. A Paisley distraction lets Candido powerslam Chavo down and head up top, only to be shoved off by Artist. The jumping DDT from Artist is enough to give Chavo the pin, though he didn’t see what Artist did.

Rating: C. As usual this didn’t have the time to go anywhere but at least Chavo got a pin and didn’t look like an idiot. The faster they get that title off Artist the better though, as these two can have better matches in their sleep than Artist could have if his career depended on it.

Post match Candido slams Chavo down and hits a pair of top rope headbutts. Forget what I said about Chavo looking good.

In the back we see a closeup of Miss Hancock’s legs. Well I’m sold. She sees something that drives her wild so the hair comes down.

Scott Steiner bench presses with help from the NWO girls.

XS vs. Los Fabulosos

That would be Lane/Rave vs. Silver King/El Dandy, now in matching costumes (in different colors. They look like Power Rangers minus the helmets) and with Hancock in their corner. Hancock promises they’ll make the women squirm, squeal and do thinks they never thought of doing before. XS attacks at the bell as you would expect them to do as Hancock jumps in on commentary.

The camera stays on Hancock (smart move) and comes back to see Los Fabulosos doing a nice sequence of a double drop toehold into stereo kicks. Lane takes Dandy down with a wheelbarrow slam but King’s helicopter slam (James Storm’s Eye of the Storm) to Lane sets up la majistral from Dandy for the pin. Decent enough debut but this is just a vehicle to get Hancock to the next level.

Disco tries to order a pizza under Big Vito’s name but gets caught. That earns him a match tonight while the Mamalukes go to Disneyworld. If there’s a point here, I’m not smart enough to get it.

Scott Steiner vs. Chuck Palumbo

This is Palumbo’s debut on the big shows. Steiner takes him down with ease and slaps on a…..squeeze I guess you’d call it. Chuck swings away to no avail before nailing the yet to be named Jungle Kick (superkick. I don’t know why he called it that either but I like the name). A belly to belly drops Palumbo and Steiner just unloads on him in the corner. Steiner scores with a backbreaker, t-bones Palumbo down and slaps on the Recliner for the win.

Rating: D. Palumbo was game but this was just a squash. Steiner is starting to get over as a monster, but with nothing for him to win there’s only so far he can go. It would be nice for some young guy to do something, but that isn’t the case with people like Booker or Kidman so why should Palumbo get to jump the line?

Curt Hennig says Sid shouldn’t have done what he did on Monday.

Disco Inferno vs. Vampiro

During the entrances, Tenay says tickets go on sale for Spring Stampede this weekend. The show is in less than a month and they’re just now selling tickets? No wonder they didn’t come close to selling the place out. Before the match Disco says he isn’t a wrestler so there’s no match. Cue Vampiro of course because no one listens to Disco Inferno. Tenay tries to play up Vampiro as getting a huge reaction and he’s borderline right for a change.

Disco tries to talk his way out of the match but pulls Vampiro to the floor, only to be sent over and then into the announcers’ table. Inside and Vampiro goes kung fu as we get commentary back. A running clothesline drops Vampiro but the fans say Disco sucks. Hey now the Bee Gees were awesome. Disco gets two off a Russian legsweep before they trade some hard shots, capped off by a Vampiro Rock Bottom for two. A top rope spinwheel kick and the Nail in the Coffin are enough to put Disco away.

Rating: C-. That might be high due to how lame the matches are on this show but at least this was entertaining while it lasted. Vampiro can at least do some good stuff in the ring and Disco is an underrated worker. Also, it’s nice for Vampiro to get a win instead of constantly jobbing to the veterans.

Speaking of the veterans, Flair and Luger come out for the beatdown but Sting makes the save.

Ernest “the Cat” Miller (in case you’re not up on your WCW nicknames) debuts Mike Jones as his shoe guarder. I love how Jones has basically played one character for thirteen years. It worked for Mr. Hughes so why not him?

Jeff Jarrett is ready for one of his biggest US Title defenses ever tonight. That’s accurate as it’s one of his only ever.

The Cat vs. The Dog

Please…..kill me now. It would be an act of mercy. I’ll pay you. Miller has Jones with him to guard the slippers. Dog charges at Miller when the Cat makes jokes and takes over with punches and a powerslam. Some forearms sets up some barking because this character is really, really literal. Even Cat thinks this is stupid so he hits Dog low and drops the dancing elbow. Cat kicks (of course) a lot but charges into a spinebuster. It’s shoe time but the referee kicks them away, leaving Dog to whip Cat into Brian Knobbs’ chain for two. Back up and a superkick ends Dog and of course it’s long enough to rate.

Rating: F. Somehow, this would have been better with more lame Heenan jokes. Miller is fine and at least has a character that has some details to it. Dog, on the other hand, IS A HUMANOID DOG. Like, he barks and comes out on a leash. I’d love to hear the production pitch for this and see the looks on everyone’s faces. Or the look on Vince McMahon’s face while he had Benoit vs. Angle vs. Jericho for his midcard at this point.

Knobbs whips Dog, meaning PETA probably protested because PETA is a bunch of nutjobs. Not their idea mind you, but their methods.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. With all of their problems, they can still field a team?

Knobbs finds the Dog chewing clothes. This is going to be a running gag isn’t it?

Norman Smiley needs someone to watch his back. Indeed, and that someone should beat him up for letting this hardcore stuff keep going.

Demon vs. Hugh Morrus

Morrus thinks Demon is funny, because laughing is his deal. It’s like the Joker you see, and that went over so well. Morrus takes over quickly with a back elbow and clothesline, only to miss an elbow drop by a few feet. Back up and Demon’s clothesline doesn’t work so it’s an enziguri to put Morrus down instead. Well at least he’ll sell something. A back elbow staggers Morrus again but he plants Demon with a spinebuster, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin. So we’re at the point where pushing Hugh Morrus is the best they can do. Oh happy freaking day.

Knobbs puts Dog in his car and drives away. Dog puts his head out the window because WCW thinks this is entertaining.

We get some KidCam footage of Bagwell calling out Sid earlier. Then he hits on a backstage worker and gets nowhere.

Sid’s dressing room is empty.

Video on the Wall. Points for trying anything new I guess.

Hogan (called great by Gene) praises Dusty Rhodes but says Dustin isn’t his daddy.

Knobbs abandons Dog on the side of the road, triggering some moon howling.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

Jarrett is defending for the first time on TV (well other than Saturday Night) since the first Thunder of the year. Bagwell hammers away to start and hits his running neckbreaker. A Vader Bomb gets two so cue the Harris Brothers to pull Buff to the floor for a beating. Buff misses a cross body and gets double teamed again, so here’s Curt Hennig for the save. Buff’s double arm DDT gets no count as one of the Twins offers a distraction, so Buff is smart enough to lay Jarrett out with the Blockbuster, only to have Steiner come in for the DQ. It was energetic while it lasted but as always, the NWO kills anything interesting.

The NWO goes after Hennig’s arm as the bell rings for about a minute straight.

Hogan tells Jimmy Hart to get Bill Busch to make the match with Sid no matter what it takes.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Hulk Hogan

Dustin stomps Hogan down as he comes into the ring and chokes with a t-shirt. You know, because that’s worked so well over the years. Rhodes pounds away even more and uppercuts Hogan to cut off a comeback. They head outside with Hogan being thrown onto the announcers’ table, knocking out commentary. Back in and Dustin hits a chinlock as this is already dying. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes before Hogan’s arm stays up. A clothesline gets two on Hogan and it’s Hulk Up time. The big boot misses though and Dustin scores with another clothesline, followed by a cowbell shot to the head for the DQ.

Rating: F. The match ran six minutes and the chinlock was a third of that time. And for what? To build up Dustin Rhodes as a threat? I mean, well done on building up someone new, but Dustin Rhodes as the evil cowboy is the best idea you have? This company deserves to go under if this is their top idea.

Dustin leaves but Nick Patrick says we’re not done yet. Rhodes called Hogan out so he has a ten count to get back in or it’s $10,000 and a potential suspension. He gets back in, clubs Hogan twice…..and then eats the big boot and legdrop for the pin to end the show.

Oh screw you WCW. You go out of your way with that bad of a match to set up Dustin as some kind of a threat and THIRTY SECONDS later he’s jobbing to the big boot and legdrop. That’s the big reason WCW is in the place it’s in at this point: because they can’t just let someone look bad for a minute before they get their heat back because it might ruin whatever. Good grief it’s not going to kill Hogan to wait until Monday, when he’ll be in ANOTHER World Title program to get his win back, where he might even be able to make some money with Dustin in a rematch.

Overall Rating: D. This one had some promise to it and then came crashing down in the last hour and a half. That doesn’t sound horrible but keep in mind that this is just a two hour show. The stupid matches that no one wanted to see and Hogan making sure that no one got over for more than thirty seconds because Hogan must look strong. That reboot is looking better by the second as maybe SOMEONE under can come in and get some significant airtime. Except Jarrett of course.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6