Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2001
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 14,008
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

This is the go home show for Summerslam which I didn’t realize we were that close to. Rock has his title match with Booker that night and we’ll also see Angle vs. Austin in the clash of the Bald Brotherhood even though Angle isn’t bald yet. Tonight the main event is a tag match because that’s what Raw does best of course. Let’s get to it.

There’s a tag title match in a cage.

Here’s the Alliance led by Austin. The rest of the guys are on the floor while he’s alone in the ring. He’s got a contract or a clipboard in his hand. Austin says he’s giving the Alliance guys the chance to shine. Since he joined the Alliance he’s led by example. Starting last Thursday, he’s leading by example. We get a clip of Angle getting Stunned and having his ankle Pillmanized. He praises the Alliance guys for looking good but enough about them.

He’s awesome and wants to know who wants to become famous like Austin? Who’s going to step up tonight? Someone must want Kurt Angle tonight. Heyman starts an RVD chant and RVD jumps up on the apron to accept the challenge. Now he asks for a round of applause for Kanyon/DDP who are the new WWF Tag Team Champions. Now on to Test who has jumped ship to the Alliance. Where’s Rhyno? He Gored Jericho through something lately so Austin praises him.

And then we get to the bad stuff: some people haven’t been listening to Austin’s teachings. Therefore on Thursday, there’s going to be the Steve Austin Invitational, whatever that is. Austin calls attention to Taz, Raven and Hugh Morrus. He yells at Dreamer for being too much of a pushover always asking people if they need anything. As for the three in the ring, he asks Morrus who beat him last Thursday. That would be Chris Jericho. Austin makes fun of Morrus’ name, perhaps debuting the WHAT catchphrase.

Austin rips into Morrus and says he’s not here to be funny so get out of his face. Now it’s Raven. Who beat him last week? That would be Perry Saturn. “He carries a mop. You should have mopped the ring with him.” Austin makes fun of Raven’s catchphrases which gets a big reaction. “You suck, quoth Stone Cold, nevermore.”

And then there’s Taz. This was what was built up as the big face turn in the Alliance but it never happened. Austin rips into Taz for not putting up a fight and being a joke of a human suplex machine. We get a clip of Taz doing nothing while Shane took a Rock Bottom through the table last week on Smackdown.

Austin takes off his belt and says it’s time for a come to Jesus moment. Taz has put him in a bad position and has to be whipped as a result. Austin demands the shirt come off but Taz won’t do it. Instead Austin sends Raven and Morrus plus others in for a beatdown. After What’s Up and a Gore, Austin whips him. Cool segment which didn’t feel like the twenty minutes it took up.

Christian says he’ll be in Edge’s corner for the match tonight.

Tajiri vs. Albert

Tajiri tries his fast strikes but Albert throws him around. A gorilla press drop and a splash get two. He loads up the Derailer but Tajiri slides down and fires off kicks. Tajiri tries the Tarantula but Pac interferes. Regal takes X-Pac out and Tajiri mists him. Baldo Bomb is loaded up but Regal makes the save as the referee is with X-Pac. More mist to Albert and a middle rope dropkick sets up the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin. Too short to rate but this was fast paced and fun.

RVD has challenged Angle to a match for the Hardcore Title match tonight. Angle pops up and says his ankle is sore but he’s got gold medals. He was in worse shape when he won those so yes he accepts the challenge. Hugh Morrus pops up and beats down Angle. And never mind as Kurt Angle remembers he’s fighting Hugh Morrus and comes back with an ankle lock.

Edge/Christian vs. Lance Storm/Justin Credible

We get an Impact Players pose on the stage which is always cool. Why? Because it happened in the past and is therefore inherently awesome. Heyman immediately starts talking about the history of the Alliance team. Christian takes over on Storm to start, hitting an atomic drop and it’s off to Justin. A sitout powerbomb gets two for Justin as the evil ones take over.

Christian takes Storm down and makes the tag to Edge. He cleans house but throws Justin into Christian, sending the latter into the barricade ala Shawn and Owen at Survivor Series 93. There’s no one for Edge to tag and a superkick gets two on him. Edge fights them both off and the Impaler ends Justin. Too short to rate again but this was another entertaining match.

Edge gets put in the Maple Leaf post match but Christian makes the save.

Debra says RVD can beat Angle. Austin says RVD is awesome but Angle is a different kind of animal. Shawn Stasiak comes in to praise Austin’s speeches. Austin tells Stasiak to be more than the son of a former WWF Champion. Stasiak says he’ll do something memorable. This might result in comedy if I remember right.

Kanyon talks to Palumbo/O’Haire about their rematch with Kane/Undertaker tonight. Page tries to fire them up too.

Angle comes in to talk to Regal about the RVD match. Regal tries to tell him to take it easy because of the ankle injury because he doesn’t want to get hurt before Summerslam. Angle says it’s ok and goes into a story about Benjamin Franklin, but Shawn Stasiak comes running in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Angle lets him go crashing into Regal’s suit of armor and Stasiak knocks himself unconscious. This would become a running joke for Stasiak and would actually stay funny.

WCW Tag Titles: Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo vs. Undertaker/Kane

In a cage with the brothers defending. The challengers jump the brothers as they come in, keeping Kane out of the cage. Kane negates this pretty quickly though, slamming the door on O’Haire’s head. Sean takes a chokeslam and the beating begins. He and Palumbo try to run but Undertaker wants more target practice. DDP and Kanyon watch the carnage from the stage. Kane hits another chokeslam on O’Haire. Last Ride to Palumbo as the squash is complete. Page goes after Sara so she climbs into the cage. The champions get stereo pins to retain.

Rating: D-. And that’s because Taker’s wife is hot. This was totally dominant and O’Haire and Palumbo looked like total jobbers. Allegedly there was some big thing where they were disrespectful backstage, but instead of fining them, they got squashed on TV regularly, completely losing any potential value they could have had until Palumbo realized he was almost gay.

Here are Rhyno and Stephanie for some talking. Her rack looks great here, fresh off the plastic surger. She feels very good because Rhyno gored Jericho through the Smackdown set last week. We get a clip of it and to be fair, it did look pretty awesome. Jericho must have had a screw knocked loose because he’s accepted Rhyno’s challenge for Summerslam. Rhyno says it would be an honor to take Jericho out. Stephanie wants to see the video again but here’s Jericho in person.

Jericho says it’s true that he’s never beaten Rhyno, but he’ll take care of the smelly greasy nasty animal at Summerslam. “And I’m going to get you too Rhyno.” Jericho talks about how Rhyno promised to get the job done, but it appears that Stephanie would know about getting a job done. We get a comparison of Stephanie being flat as compared to now when she could put an eye out. Jokes abound withStephanie trying to cover up and making them look even bigger is funny.

She claims that Jericho is just having a wild imagination. Rhyno cuts him off and says come down here and say it. Cue Booker of all people who says that Stephanie is all natural. He says she looks good and thinks she’s taking her vitamins. Booker implies Jericho looks like a woman and says go join the Backstreet Boys. Jericho says go join the A-Team. I love it when a promo comes together. Booker says on Sunday he’s taking Rock to school.

Cue Rock to talk about Booker taking him to school. Rock says imagine Booker in high school: the only 27 year old senior, waiting on the bus with his mama. BEEP BEEP! Then Booker could get to class. “Ok class: what is 2+2. Booker? Thomas Jefferson sucka!” Booker is intelligent but not as smart as Shane. Shane wouldn’t even come out here tonight after the beating Rock gave him on Thursday.

Jericho says that in the ring, we have a manbeast and a ho’s beast. We have the Gore and the…..Stephanie: “SHUT UP!” Rock thinks we should have a rhyming contest. Rock: “Booker T and Shane, the WCW sucker and the silver spoon mother……” and Stephanie misses her cut off so they have to censor Rock. Stephanie makes the obvious tag match tonight. This would be promo #2 tonight that went over eighteen minutes. Spending 1/3 of your show on two promos isn’t a good idea. Jericho: “Thanks Stephanie. You’re the breast.” Rock was feeling it here too so this was funny stuff.

Hurricane Helms comes in to see Austin. He’s been inspired by the speech Austin gave earlier. Austin and Debra make fun of the Green Lantern tattoo on his shoulder. That reminds Austin of Kurt Angle but Hurricane doesn’t think Angle could beat Green Lantern. Hurricane says he tries to fly too. Austin says go act like a hurricane.

Test vs. Spike Dudley

This is because of a six man on Sunday. Test overpowers him to start and throws Spike (didn’t he have a broken leg?) over the top to counter the Dudley Dog. Back in Test misses the big elbow and Spike speeds things up. He hits a middle rope rana but the Dudley Dog is countered again. Big boot ends this quick.

The APA and the Dudleys come in for the post match brawl.

Matt/Lita and Angle shoot the breeze before making fun of Green Lantern. Hurricane comes in and slaps Angle’s milk away. You know that means a whooping.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Rob meets him in the aisle. Remember that Kurt has a bad ankle. Rob is rammed into various metal objects and it’s all Kurt to start. Austin and Debra are watching in the back. RVD comes back with his spin kick to the back of Angle on the barricade for two. Into the ring for the first time and Rob brings in a chair.

Naturally he goes into it which gets two for Kurt. Van Dam comes back with a spin kick and the chair surfboard for two. Kurt tries to go up but gets kicked in the head. He responds by taking Van Dam’s head off with a clothesline. Alliance guys run in to break up the ankle lock but Angle hits the Slam on RVD. Jeff Hardy runs in and hits a Swanton on RVD to steal the title.

Rating: C+. Like most of the other short matches tonight, this was energetic enough to make up for the shortness. Jeff winning the title gave him something to do and it was pretty clear that Angle wasn’t going into the main event of Summerslam as the Hardcore Champion. Fast paced and fun here, which are the words of the night for almost all of the wrestling so far.

Austin is in the bathroom when Stasiak is here to apologize. Austin swings the door open to knock him out cold again. Still funny.

Chris Jericho/The Rock vs. Rhyno/Booker T

Jericho and Rhyno start us off and the Canadian hits a cross body to take over. Middle rope missile dropkick gets one as Booker saves. Off to Rock to fire off some rights. Back to Jericho who hits the bulldog but Booker clotheslines him down from the apron. Off to Booker who walks into a flapjack. Stephanie continues to look horrible when she tries to show emotion. Off to Rock and Rhyno with Rock dominating.

Back to Booker and Rhyno low bridges Rock to send him out to the floor, giving the Alliance control. Booker hits a big kick for two. After more of a beating, Booker pulls of a Spinrooni. Was there ever a shirt for that? Back to Rhyno and Rock takes him down with ease and makes the tag to Jericho.

Neckbreaker gets two for Jericho and everything breaks down. Stephanie manages to hit Jericho with a chair and a WCW referee runs down to count two. Rock pulls and then knocks him out. Jericho hooks the Walls on Rhyno and a WWF referee is taken out by Shane. Stephanie comes in, allowing Rhyno to hit Jericho low, roll him up and pin him.

Rating: C. This was your usual main event tag match but the ending was pretty weak. It pushed both matches, but at the same time it felt like it was more about Jericho vs. Stephanie than Jericho vs. Rhyno and we never really got a major payoff to Jericho vs. Stephanie, which sucks for the most part.

Post match Rock cleans house and beats up Shane too. Rock Bottoms all around but Booker intercepts Rock and hits the Bookend. The Alliance stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good show overall, especially with the big hype to Summerslam. Rock vs. Booker was the focus of tonight which is fine when you have Austin vs. Angle selling itself. The show would wind up being good but Austin vs. Angle was always kind of a letdown for me. Good go home show though.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 26, 2004
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So last night I spent four hours downloading a copy of this show. Then I found it all on Youtube. Anyway this is another request and it’s because the main event is an Iron Man match for the title between HHH and Benoit. The only other match on the card is a battle royal for the shot at Benoit at Summerslam. Let’s get to it.

We see the Diva Search girls in the back. Of the ten, five would wind up with jobs unless I’m forgetting some of them. Some blonde named Julia is gone. Michelle, Christy, Amy Webber, Joy Giovanni and Carmella are still in there. Oh and Maria so it’s 6/10. Tonight, the 9 remaining ones have to verbally seduce a former WWE star.

Clip of Benoit winning the Rumble then winning the title at Mania. HHH says the games are ending and tonight it’s the two of them for the title.

Theme song opens us up.

We go to the ring and it’s almost full. A few more come out though. Edge is one of the few to get entrances. He’s the IC Champion here. Matt gets one as well. The announcers don’t know what this is. Jericho comes out to a big pop. Kane comes out as well as JR and King are at a loss for words. Evolution (minus HHH) are in this also. Eric comes out and says it’s a twenty man battle royal and the winner gets the title shot at Summerslam.

Battle Royal

Regal is put out first. Jericho and Flair chop it out before Jericho and Edge team up to put Tomko out. Edge spears Palumbo down and the Canadians throw him out. RKO to Jericho but Edge saves him from Evolution. Flair hits Edge low and we take a break. Back with JR being way too excited. Kane eliminated Val Venis and Matt Hardy during the break. Matt came back in and beat on Kane but didn’t eliminate him.

Hurricane is out as are Rodney Mack, Rosey and a guy I didn’t recognize. I think it was Steven Richards. Tajiri puts Rob Conway out and Grenier is out as well. We have about eight left. Tajiri tries the Tarantula on Kane and is tossed out. We have the three members of Evolution, Kane, Jericho, Edge, Rhyno and Maven for our final eight. Flair goes up top for no logically explained reason. Edge slams him back into the ring for no logically explained reason.

Jericho hooks Flair in the Walls but Batista makes the save. Edge spears Kane down but he sits up. We take a break and come back with all eight still in it. Edge almost got eliminated during the break but low blowed his way out of it. Flair tries to chop Kane which goes as well as you would expect. Kane very carefully chokeslams him and it’s time for the battle of the bulls.

Batista and Kane slug it out (I remember watching this live) and Big Dave spinebusters him down but walks into a Gore to a BIG pop. Why is Maven still in there? Why is he getting to throw Flair into the corner for the (failed) Flair Flip? WHY IS HE CLOTHESLINING FLAIR OUT??? Rhyno Gores Maven and Batista throws Rhyno out. The Canadians go after Kane and everyone gangs up on him to get him out.

So we have Orton, Batista, Maven, Jericho and Edge left. Maven sends Orton to the apron but he hangs on. Orton manages to suplex Maven onto the top rope and then dump him to get us to the final four and a PPV level tag match. Jericho and Edge manage to get rid of Batista and Jericho turns on Edge to get us down to two. Slugout is won by Orton and he hits something like a spinebuster to take over.

In a smart move he tries a slingshot but Jericho hooks the rope. He pulls himself back in and grabs Orton into a fireman’s carry but Orton escapes as well. Jericho gets thrown again but he skins the cat. Orton clotheslines him to the apron again but he holds on with one arm. They do the Big Show/Benoit sequence but Orton lands on the apron. They’re both on the apron now and they slug it out. Both guys get knocked down but they hang on. Orton slides back in and hits an RKO (kind of) onto the middle rope then kicks Jericho out to go to Summerslam.

Rating: B-. I was enjoying this a lot more than most regular battle royals. These matches are always hard to rate because other than the Rumble, if you’ve seen one battle royal, you’ve seen almost all of them. This had star power and drama in it though which made this better than most. Good match and it gave us a mostly surprising winner.

Time for the Divas nonsense. What this has to do with getting a contract to be a female wrestler is beyond me but whatever. All nine of them have 20 seconds to verbally seduce a former WWE Superstar. Michelle starts first and it’s Kamala. She does the whole sexy teacher thing and yeah I’m not going to comment on most of this. Christy looks good in blue though. This goes nowhere and isn’t funny or anything like that. I get how it could be funny once or so but this happens NINE TIMES. This eats up like 8 minutes.

Smackdown recap.

Smackdown Your Vote at the Democratic National Convention. You’ll NEVER see this today. To be fair they went to the GOP National Convention as well and this was non-partisan.

Here are the Diva Search chicks in bikinis and numbers to call to vote for them. This went on OVER TWO MONTHS.

HHH comes in to see Evolution and Orton says it’ll be an honor to face him at Summerslam. He wishes HHH good luck but HHH says he doesn’t need it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is challenging and it’s an Iron Man match. They do the referee instructions and they say if there’s a tie, it’s sudden death. Slugout to start but it turns into more of a feeling out process. Benoit takes it to the mat with a headlock and into a top wristlock with Benoit bridging out of it very nicely. Crossface is attempted but HHH rolls out. Back in the Pedigree is easily escaped and it’s a standoff.

HHH tries to take it to the mat but Benoit gets the advantage. Five minutes in and HHH rolls to the floor to escape the Crossface attempt again. After a quick trip to the floor, Benoit goes after the knee. Benoit slams him at eight minutes in and stays on the knee. Chris runs into a boot in the corner and a DDT takes him down. Benoit comes back with chops but walks into the Facebuster. Pedigree is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but that’s countered too. He hooks a Crossface out of nowhere though but HHH rolls out, but Benoit rolls him up for the first fall with about 49:30 to go.

We take a break and come back with 46:15 to go and HHH in a chinlock. Snap suplex gets two. Off to an abdominal stretch as this has been almost all Benoit. HHH manages to send him over the top and Benoit hits his back on the apron. The Game rams him into the apron and starts working it over. Benoit tries a charge but gets kicked in the face, busting his mouth open.

Benoit tries to whip him in but falls down. That’s either good selling of the back or a rare botch. They try it again and HHH gets whipped over the top to the floor. Benoit tries a suicide dive but hits mostly the barricade. Both guys are down as we hear about the Pegasus Kid. We’re about twenty minutes in now. We take a break with both guys down.

Back with HHH still down and thirty seven minutes to go. During the break HHH went into the steps and might have a bad shoulder now. Benoit tries a Sharpshooter (in a rare misstep of psychology) but HHH escapes. Off to a freaky modified Indian Deathlock with thirty six minutes to go. Chris stays on the leg with a Figure Four and a decent one at that. HHH makes the rope so Benoit pounds away in the corner.

HHH hot shots him out for two with thirty three minutes left. Benoit is like CANADA POWER and hits rolling Germans to take HHH down. Here’s the Swan Dive but HHH rolls away. HHH sends him into the buckle chest first, which is apparently an injury from a few weeks ago. Pedigree ties us up at about halfway through.

Benoit rolls to the floor but HHH knocks him down again and front suplexes him onto the steps for a countout to make it 2-1. We take another break and come back with 25:30 to go and HHH whipping Benoit into the corner for two. Release suplex lands on the chest again and gets two. Another whip into the corner gets two. 23:20 to go. HHH starts working on the back for some reason but Benoit hammers him in the face with a forearm to put both guys down. A spinebuster out of nowhere makes it 3-1 HHH with just under 22:00 to go.

There’s another break and we come back with Benoit hiptossing him at 18:30 to go. HHH loads up a Pedigree but Benoit dead weights him and goes for a Sharpshooter but HHH counters again. Pedigree attempt #2 is countered into the Sharpshooter which this time is hooked. HHH is in big trouble as Benoit keeps pulling him back from the ropes. He FINALLY (not meant as a bad thing) taps out to make it 3-2 with 15:30 to go.

15:00 to go and HHH falls to the floor. Benoit follows him out and pounds away but HHH runs back into the ring. Back in Benoit charges into a foot but HHH jumps into the Crossface. He eventually gets his foot to the rope but Benoit immediately hooks it again and HHH taps out to tie things up with 12:00 to go.

Here come Batista and Flair and we take a break. Back with about 8:30 to go and Benoit getting sent to the outside. Eight minutes left and HHH blocks a sunset flip to send Benoit back outside. Batista sends Benoit into the post and the champ is busted open. That gets two with 6:30 to go. HHH pounds him down in the corner with 6:00 to go. Benoit ducks a punch and comes back with rolling Germans. The referee gets clotheslined and Benoit grabs the Crossface.

Batista distracts Benoit and Flair throws in a chair with 5:00 to go. Flair gets knocked off and HHH caves in the back of Benoit’s head with the chair. He covers but there’s no referee. Bischoff sends out another referee who counts two. Four minutes left and HHH clocks the other referee. Evolution beats on Benoit but someone comes through the crowd.

Of all people, it’s EUGENE, who is still one of the most popular acts in years at this point. He cleans house, beating up Evolution all by himself. Stunner to Flair and a Rock Bottom to HHH. Bischoff gets a right hand as well and HHH gets killed with the chair. Eugene had been beaten down by Evolution two weeks before if you’re wondering why he’s here. Benoit comes back in with 1:20 to go. Eugene throws the referee back in for the pin on HHH with six seconds left and Benoit retains with a final score of 4-3.

Rating: B-. The match is certainly good, but I see no reason at all here for this to be an Iron Man match. This easily could have been cut down to about thirty or even forty minutes and nothing would have been lost. The ending is ridiculous with there being nothing resembling a regular match for the last five minutes. Good match and it set up Summerslam, but absolutely no reason for it to be an Iron Man match.

Overall Rating: B. Good show with an interesting twist by having basically two angles the entire show plus the Divas nonsense. At the end of the day though, you can only complain so much about good looking women in swimsuits though. Fun show but it’s not something that would work every time.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 6, 2001
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 10,355
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

We’re continuing towards Summerslam and we’re continuing to watch the Invasion fall apart more and more every day. Rock is back and he’s on Team WWF, but after that the problem becomes “what happens now?” The problem has become that the Invasion has happened and now nothing else has come of it. ECWCW is here and they don’t really do anything other than have various matches which mean nothing. I’m sure that’ll get rectified in the next three months though right? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rock joining the WWF again. Also on Smackdown we got the setup of Booker vs. Rock for Summerslam. Also out of this we get Rock vs. Shane in a street fight for Raw tonight.

Theme song gets things going.

Hardcore Title: Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Kane knocks Van Dam off the top during his pre match posing and we head to the outside. He sets to powerbomb RVD on the floor but Van Dam escapes. A big boot to the face sends RVD into the barricade but Van Dam comes back and slams Kane into the same barricade. Spin kick from the apron hits Kane in the back and gets two. Kane shrugs it off and throws Van Dam, a chair and the steps into the ring. A drop toehold puts Kane into the steps and Van Dam surfboards the chair to the masked face. Kane comes back again and hits the top rope clothesline for two. DDP comes in and kills Kane with the chair so the Five Star can finish.

Rating: D. This was whatever. It was another attempt to further Undertaker vs. DDP I guess or maybe to start Kane vs. DDP. Either way it’s nothing interesting because DDP isn’t going to get a legit chance to do anything around here, as he’s stuck in the same feud where he has no chance of ever winning anything.

We recap Debra and Austin and the cookies. Austin insulted them and then ignored Debra to talk about Angle, but Debra stole the mic and yelled at him. He ignored her again so she hit him with the cookie sheet and left. That messed Austin up so he freaked out.

They arrived earlier and nothing happened.

Booker is auditioning for a movie role. This isn’t going to end well at all. He has the belt and the sunglasses. There’s no name given for the movie or the part or anything, but the casting chick does a Rock imitation.

Here’s Stephanie, now with Drowning Pool’s Bodies as her theme song. That’s still the best live performance of a song I’ve ever heard. She talks about how at Summerslam, bodies are going to hit the floor and about how Rocky is afraid of the Alliance. Shane is going to beat him up in the street fight tonight because Rock hasn’t wrestled for four months. She talks about (notice me saying that a lot?) how Shane has had a bunch of great matches and says he’s a gladiator.

Finally Jericho comes out to interrupt her. Stephanie has some rather loose morals you see, and likes it in a lot of positions. She calls him catty and says he’s like a girl. Stephanie can’t talk at all. I mean she can’t. She points out that no matter how many times he runs his mouth, HHH winds up beating Jericho up. Therefore, Jericho calls her a bigger sl**. You know, there was a million dollar heel turn in making Jericho fall in love with Stephanie.

Jericho says that Stephanie has been with every human being, so it’s time to move onto a new planet: the Planet of the Apes. And yes, that means people in ape costumes come out to Kamala’s old song. Stephanie winds up taking a pie to the face. And that’s it. No match is made, no one is beaten down. The only thing that happened was a guy in an ape suit gave Jericho a pie and it wound up on Stephanie’s face.

Lita and Debra say nothing of note until Debra takes something the wrong way and she has to defend Austin.

Regal and Tajiri are having a chat when X-Pac comes in and complains about not being on Raw or Smackdown since he won the Cruiserweight Title. I’ll ignore the fact that he won the title LAST WEEK ON RAW and get to the fact that it’s Tajiri vs. Pac for the title tonight.

Jacqueline vs. Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler

This can’t go on long. The universe can’t withstand it. The two jump the one quickly but she fights back while shouting. I’m shocked at the range of her character development in this. Stacy is sent to the floor so Ivory returns, DDT Jackie to turn Alliance and Torrie gets the pin. If Ivory had actually been around for the last four months…..yeah I still wouldn’t care. Too short to rate, thank goodness.

DDP has a shrine to Sara in the back. AND NO ONE NOTICED HIM SETTING THIS UP TODAY???

Terri is at WWF New York. Heyman isn’t surprised she got dumped for a mop so she starts crying.

Debra tells Austin about the Lita thing. Apparently she had a lot of subtext going on because Lita apparently said Austin getting hit in the head was funny and that the marriage makes no sense and that Austin is trailer trash and that Matt can beat Austin. The final part makes Austin snap and he storms off.

Booker talks to the director. He has no acting experience but Rock didn’t either. This is about a British aristocrat so Booker throws together a British voice.

Stephanie and the Dudleys come to see Regal. Bubba wants to know what follows the apes: lions, tigers, and bears? Jericho can pick his partner tonight against the Dudleys. This show is needing to actually DO SOMETHING and fast.

Light Heavyweight Title: X-Pac vs. Tajiri

First of all, Pac has both titles but this is just for one because having one less title means the end of the world as we know it I guess. Second, this is for a WWF Title between two WWF guys, so there’s an Alliance referee. The fans all think X-Pac sucks. They trade kicks and Tajiri takes over with his signature stuff. Pac sends him to the floor and mostly misses his dive. We can hear a voice which I think is the director. Back in, Pac tries something off the top but jumps into Mist and a Buzzsaw Kick to give Tajiri his first title. Too short to rate but Paul says that’s his first major title in the WWF. What’s a minor title then?

Austin goes to yell at Matt and Lita. Matt and Lita deny it which Austin says sounds like calling Debra a liar. Austin vs. Matt later.

Booker reads lines and stage directions. The co-star comes in and he calls her a sucka. She recognizes him and asks if he’s related to Mr. T.

Dudley Boys vs. Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle

Brawl to start until it’s D-Von vs. Kurt. A quick ankle lock is broken up and the Dudleys hit the reverse 3D. Ray pounds on Kurt for a bit until Kurt hits a HUGE German to take him down and set up the hot tag on both sides. Springboard dropkick puts Bubba down and the Lionsault gets two on D-Von. Rhyno runs in to Gore Jericho but it only gets two. D-Von misses a headbutt and there’s the tag to Angle. Angle suplexes every Dudley in sight but the moonsault hits knees. Angle bouncing off the knees was a great visual. Jericho breaks up What’s Up and Angle hooks the ankle for the tap from Bubba.

Rating: C. So why was Rhyno in there again? Either way this was a fun match and a nice fast paced one as opposed to what we’ve sat through so far tonight. Angle and Jericho always had good chemistry together and it gives Angle another win so you can’t complain much. Not a great match or anything but it was fine, especially given how fst they had to go.

Austin intimidates Lita.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Lance Storm

Big pop for Christian’s music. Christian denounces offbeat shenanigans to start and asks Storm to join him in a special Five Second Pose. Edge runs in and pantses Storm, revealing what appear to be Power Ranger underwear. Christian takes over on an annoyed champion to start but Storm comes back with a dropkick that clearly misses by a good foot. Either way it gets two. Storm goes to a choke/chinlock and yells a lot. Small package gets two for Christian. Christian comes back but Storm gets a rollup and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C+. This is something I’d love to see more of. This was a very basic match with a basic story (Storm is mad and is the villain who yells about not being serious then cheats himself) and ends with the heel cheating to win. Nothing wrong with that and the match was fine (other than the surprising obvious miss from Storm on the dropkick), which is something that seeing more of would be nice.

Taker and Sara get here and Kane is waiting on them. He tells them about the shrine and wants to go break it and Page. Taker asks Kane to take Sara to the APA and then they’ll go take care of business.

Angle comes up to Rock and acknowledges that they dislike each other. Rock wants to know why Angle doesn’t like him. Angle: “You’re mean to me!” Rock offers a clean slate and Angle is all cool with that. He’s here to offer Rock some advice for Rock in his match with Shane tonight. And it’s milk. Rock takes it, shines it up a little bit, turns it sideways, and drinks it down. Rock: “THAT’S DELICIOUS!” Next time though, bring him some pie. Angle: “I know this place that has the best apple you’ll ever taste.” I don’t know if it’s that I’m tired but this was HILARIOUS.

Austin tells Debra what Lita “said” about her.

Taker busts up the shrine (somehow not starting a fire by knocking over the candles) and Page pops up. He and Kanyon beat him down. See, this is where the angle fell apart. Well not really because it had fallen apart months before but you get the idea. The problem was that while Page was evil for so long and did all that stuff to Taker and Sara, he never got anywhere because of it. He was still beaten down by Taker and Kane every time and looked like a loser. Again, no new stars are made here and the story is worthless as a result.

Matt Hardy vs. Steve Austin

Matt is European Champion, even though he hasn’t defended it in weeks, at least not on Raw. Austin can’t get in the ring to start but once he does, Austin hammers Matt down. He even busts out a fireman’s carry takeover. This quickly turns into a really boring match because it’s 2001 and it’s Steve Austin vs. Matt Hardy. The girls get in the ring and Lita takes a Stunner. A second one beats Matt.

Rating: D-. What in the world was the point of this? Matt got in nothing and it makes the European Title look even more worthless than it already is, somehow. It was a squash between guys that we knew would wind up as a squash. Matt didn’t do anything with Austin or any other main event guy after this, so what was the point? I’d like an explanation here people.

More Booker comedy minus the funny part. He finally beats up the director.

The Rock vs. Shane McMahon

Street fight. Shane and Rock cut quick promos to start which don’t say anything of note. To the shock of no one, Rock destroys him to start and they head into the crowd. We’re about three minutes in and Shane hasn’t gotten in a single punch yet. Back to ringside now and Shane gets in some elbows. A clothesline off the apron puts Rock down.

He pulls out a trashcan and hits Rock up the ramp. Shane charges at him with the can but Rock pulls himself up by the set and kicks the can into Shane’s face. Now the Rock puts the can on Shane’s head and grabs a chair. Shane is knocked back to the ring and he eventually gets some stick shots in. Rock makes his comeback and takes out an interfering Booker. Rock Bottom ends this.

Rating: D. Gee, the Rock beat Shane McMahon in a one on one match. I wonder how many people bet the other way. What idiots they must feel like now. I mean, betting on a wrestling match? The match was your usual stuff as the weapon shots were nothing special, but really…….WHY WAS THIS EVEN COMPETITIVE???

Shane grabs Rock’s boot and Booker kicks his head off. Booker lays Rock out with a belt shot and Shane hits the flying elbow through the announce table to end this.

Overall Rating: D+. This really didn’t work for me at all. Again the problem is that everything in the Invasion means nothing for the most part. It’s the same thing that happened to the NWO: these wins and losses don’t mean anything because there’s no end goal to any of this. The Alliance and WWF can trade wins until the Panda Revolution but it doesn’t mean anything because there’s nothing at stake. They never fixed that problem, at all.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Smackdown
Date: February 21, 2012
Location: BMO Harris Bank Center, Rockford, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

We’re live tonight which was announced pretty quickly last night. The main event is Bryan vs. Punk II which will likely result in some run ins. Last night we had a good main event where Jericho got the world title shot. Other than half the roster winding up in the hospital, I thought it came off pretty well. These live shows are usually pretty good so hopefully they can continue that trend. Let’s get to it.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry again tonight. Why couldn’t Henry go in the Chamber again?

Here are Bryan and AJ to open the show. He says no one believed him no matter what he’s said but now he’s heading to the main event of Wrestlemania! As for Santino, he was trying to channel Rocky Balboa but Bryan is a role model who beat everyone on Sunday. Bryan says you all want Rocky, so YO AJ! I DID IT!!! The fans want Punk. Bryan talks about how Sunday was his moment but Sheamus ruined it. Well at Mania, Bryan is going to ruin Sheamus’ moment by being victorious.

Bryan keeps talking and here’s…..Miz? He can’t believe Bryan really is champion but Bryan is wrong. Miz believed that he’d become a world champion too and it’s because of his mentoring. He isn’t out here to steal the spotlight or for thanks. He’s here to offer his congratulations. Miz thinks that after Wrestlemania, they should form a tag team. Cue Sheamus to cut him off.

Sheamus congratulates Bryan, but for being a hypocrite. He’s no role model but rather just a coward. Bryan would rather hide behind a skirt than fight like a man. After Wrestlemania, everyone is going to say that Bryan got exactly what he deserved. Miz gets in Sheamus’ face and says that Sheamus should be taken down a notch or two. Sheamus says let the guys with a match at Wrestlemania talk. Bryan slaps Sheamus and runs but Miz jumps Sheamus. Miz is sent to the floor and I think we have our second main event tonight.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Or we have a match we join in progress after the break. Sheamus is in control and hits the forearms in the ropes to send Miz to the floor. Back in the slingshot shoulder gets two. Miz avoids a charge and Sheamus’ shoulder goes into the post. Single arm DDT gets two. Miz hooks a quick arm hold but Sheamus comes back with his running double axes. Irish Curse gets two and Sheamus doesn’t seem that bothered.

Miz comes back with a Reality Check as Booker won’t quite say if he thinks Sheamus will win the title at the PPV or not. Here comes the Finale but Sheamus throws him out of it. Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus rolls him up for two. That new move that Sheamus has been using (needs a name) gets the pin at 6:00 shown.

Rating: C+. This was another good outing for Sheamus. Building him up by having him beat the entire upper midcard by Mania is fine and he’s beaten Mark Henry and Miz on back to back nights. Not a great match or anything but Sheamus looked strong and it’s not like this loss hurts Miz.

Teddy and Aksana are in the back and their usual stuff is done. Ace and Otunga are here and Teddy says that he has a special office for them. It’s the men’s room. Otunga vs. Jackson again tonight if I understood things right.

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

Truth and Swagger start things off. Truth does his gyrating dance and gets taken down by a shoulder block by Jack. Vader Bomb gets two. Off to Ziggler who hooks that cross face chicken wing of his. Ziggler misses his splash and Truth brings in Kofi to speed things up. Kofi keeps selling the injuries from the Chamber. It’s good to see that Dolph is alive after that landing last night. Top rope cross body hits Dolph but Swagger makes the save. Swagger and Truth are knocked to the floor and Vickie slips on the floor. Back in the ring Ziggler pokes Kofi in the eye and the Zig Zag gets the pin at 2:43. So why put them over the champs?

Preview for some SyFy show.

Ron Simmons HOF video.

Santino does some target practice with The Cobra on some plastic cups. Heath Slater comes in and shoves them away. The Cobra spits something at Slater’s eyes and then does it again.

Great Khali vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew is yelling at the commentators before the match. He begs off Khali and then shoves him. Chop, Plunge, 32 seconds.

Clip of the end of the battle royal last night with Show being eliminated because of Cody.

Big Show says Cody is on the top of his list, just like Show is on the top of Henry’s list. Show is going to snap Cody’s neck no matter where he gets his hands on him.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show knocked Henry out on Monday to set this up. Show splashes him in the corner quickly and loads up the right hand but Henry ducks. A clothesline takes Show down and Henry is in early control. Henry yells a lot at Big Show and says this is his house and all that jazz. Show gets a boot up in the corner and some clotheslines to put Henry down. He hits a spear and calls for the chokeslam, but here’s Rhodes.

He says it must not be Wrestlemania if he’s going to chokeslam someone. Cody talks about Show facing Akebono at Wrestlemania and we get a clip from the show. In the middle of this match mind you. By clip I mean a full video package of the match against the sumo guy. Henry pops up and slams Show, followed by a splash for two. The WMD puts Henry out and Show goes after Cody. I guess we call it a countout at about 5:00.

Rating: D. The match was the usual non-PPV showcase from these guys. The video package in the middle stopped things cold and the lack of an ending (could Show really not get a quick pin?) made it even worse. I guess maybe they’re really not going with Big Show vs. Shaq at Mania? It doesn’t seem like it at least. This was pretty strange.

Recap of HHH and Undertaker last night.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. David Otunga

For the dozen of you that demanded the rematch! Lillian screws up a bunch of the entrance for Otunga and Laurinits. Otunga gets in him in a dragon sleeper position and pounds away on the chest but Jackson runs him over with a shoulder. He hits the clotheslines and a splash in the corner, followed by a backbreaker. There’s the Torture Rack but Otunga makes the ropes. Otunga guillotines him on the top and the spinebuster ends this at 1:21.

Otunga poses after the match.

Another preview for the Syfy show.

Here’s ANOTHER video from last night, this time about Eve’s heel turn.

Punk says nothing of note but he’ll beat Bryan tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk

It’s 9:34 when Bryan comes out so this is either going to go very long or there’s something else ending the show. The crowd is very pro-Punk. They go to the mat and exchange a lot of counters. A stalemate takes us to a break. Back with Bryan holding a headlock which Punk escapes pretty quickly. Bryan goes after the arm and Punk sells it perfectly. Bryan kicks him in the chest and punk keeps sitting up.

Punk finally comes back with a suplex and both guys are down. Here comes the comeback via the kicks but his neckbreaker can’t work because of the arm. See, THAT’S a huge difference in selling: you can’t use certain moves because of the injuries. Bryan ducks the high kick and tries to leave, but Sheamus throws him back in and the high kick to the head gets the pin at 10:00.

And never mind as here’s Ace to say keep the match going. Punk takes him down and we take another break. Back with Daniel in control and working over the arm some more. During the break, Punk made fun of Bryan’s celebrations. Bryan rolls up Punk out of nowhere and grabs the rope for a pin at 14:27. Now say it with me: Teddy comes out and says restart it again.

unk kicks him to the floor and hits a suicide dive followed by the springboard clothesline for two. Bryan takes over and hits his kicks, followed by a top rope rana. Punk rolls through into a sunset flip for two. More kicks by Bryan but Punk blocks one. Bryan counters the counter into the LeBell Lock but Punk escapes again. High kick gets two. Punk goes up for the Macho Elbow, only to get crotched. Superplex is countered twice but Bryan finally hits it on the third attempt, all the way from the top. Punk does the old interlock the feet but it’s a double pin at 21:47.

Rating: B. Well you knew this wasn’t going to have a clean winner. I’m glad that it wasn’t because of interference though because that would have been totally predictable. This keeps both guys looking strong and at least does it in a way we haven’t seen a million times in the past year. I didn’t like it as good as their first one but it’s still good.

Post match, Ace and Teddy raise their respective guy’s hands (Teddy for Punk and Ace for Bryan). The bosses get into it and Ace throws his jacket at Teddy, making him leave to end the show with a staredown.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a better show than most they’ve had lately but it felt like a supplement to Raw than its own show. With the Brand Split meaning practically nothing around this time of year, Smackdown gets nothing to work with at all. The main event was good but it was obvious that it was going to have no definitive ending. On Raw the lack of wrestling was ok because it was added by a lot of angles and development. That didn’t happen tonight for the most part, making this a weaker show overall, but still good.

Results
Sheamus b. The Miz – Celtic Cross
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Zig Zag to Kingston
Great Khali b. Drew McIntyre – Punjabi Plunge
Mark Henry b. Big Show via countout
David Otunga b. Ezekiel Jackson – Spinebuster
CM Punk and Daniel Bryan wrestled to a draw when both were pinned at the same time

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 20, 2012
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s on to Ventura Country as we have six Raws to go before Wrestlemania. After last night, nothing has really changed. Cena beat Kane and Punk kept the title, so I’m not really sure what all I can say to fill in this space. Oh Undertaker will officially be on Raw tonight to confront HHH about a potential Wrestlemania match. That’s about all I’ve got so let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Cena/Kane/Ryder/Eve and that whole ordeal.

Eve and the Bellas are in the back and the Bellas are upset. Eve laughs off calling Ryder a great guy and talks about how she used him to get everyone talking about her. Now she’s got the big fish (Cena) on the hook and tonight she’s going to get him. She tells the Bellas to film her going into his locker room. Eve turns to leave and walks into Cena who walks away with a chuckle on his face.

Here’s Cena to the arena but before he can say anything Eve comes out. She says it was taken out of context but Cena cuts her off. She says they were friends and Cena said she cost him a friend in Ryder. Cena: “You made me lose a broski for a hoski.” And yes there’s a Hoski chant. Cena says she should hold out for Rock instead because they’re both scandalous and will use whoever it takes to get what they want.

Eve gets on her knees and cries as the fans chant a combination of Hoski and Rock. She jumps up and awkwardly hugs him but the referees pull her off. He says he’s disease free and would like to keep it that way. The fans chant Woo Woo Woo You Know It as she leaves in tears.

Smackdown is LIVE tomorrow night. Awesome.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Now here’s an opener for you. Sheamus vs. Bryan is official for Mania. Henry pounds him down in the corner to start but Sheamus fights back. He hits the top rope shoulder block for two. Hoeski is trending worldwide which makes me smile. Sheamus hits the forearms to the chest with the Wrestlemania sign above him in a cool visual. Henry pounds him down again and this a few splashes in the corner. Sheamus has some BIG red marks on his back. He escapes the World’s Strongest Slam and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:13.

Rating: B-. Not a horrible power match here, especially if Henry is just now getting back to full strength after his injury. Also that’s the first time I can remember Sheamus pinning Henry clean which is a good touch, especially after they split some matches last year. This was good for Sheamus to get a win over a big name.

Ace and Otunga are talking about the Chamber being a success when Teddy comes in. He says this isn’t his home and if it was, he wouldn’t be hanging with them. Ace says he didn’t know those three would come out last night. Teddy likes the idea of one of them running both brands. He says we should ask the WWE Universe. Ace says he doesn’t care about what the people think. It’s about what the Board of Directors thinks.

Ace rubs in that he’s taller than Teddy so Teddy calls him a pile of manure. There’s a ten man battle royal and the winner gets the title shot at Wrestlemania. Seriously, THAT’S IT? Also Otunga vs. a Smackdown guy tonight. Oh and Otunga looks like Pee Wee Herman’s fairy godmama in that bowtie.

HHH will talk to Undertaker later. This is set to……my goodness it’s set to Memory Remains by Metallica. I can’t believe I heard that on Raw.

Rock is here next week.

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Primo/Epico

Non-title here. Hopefully Kofi doesn’t get stuck in another tag team. Truth and Epico start us off and a clothesline gets two for Truth. Truth does nothing of note until the champs take over with some double teaming. Off to Kofi who cleans house with his high flying. Boom Drop to Primo but Epico distracts Kofi and guillotines him on the top. Not that it matters as Trouble in Paradise ends this in 2:20.

Jericho says he wasn’t eliminated last night. Jericho looks old here. He wants to know how Punk can claim to be champion after that. Tonight is the end of the world and he’ll prove it in the battle royal.

David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Well it is Black History Month. Otunga takes him down but Jackson hits his clotheslines. A splash misses and Jackson hits the post. Otunga’s spinebuster ends this in 1:36. Otunga’s music is awful.

We recap the HHH/Shawn stuff from last week. Undertaker is coming next but we only see his shoes.

Here’s Undertaker and I’m curious as to what the new look is like. He has a hood over his head but there doesn’t appear to be much hair underneath it. Taker looks skinny here. He talks about how bad it’s been having to spend the last year thinking about Wrestlemania. Taker talks about how this needs to happen one more time because the apocalypse of their generation of wrestlers is here. This is bigger than the two of them.

Here’s HHH who gets cut off quick. Taker says HHH’s excuses are pitiful and they have to do this. HHH says their fate is to continue this forever. HHH is here to make sure there’s a WWE in the future and Taker is here to be the leader. He won’t be the one to extinguish the torch Undertaker carries. He goes to leave but Taker calls him back. Taker wants to know if it’s bad for business if HHH is gone.

HHH says Taker knows it’s bad for business or whatever. Taker isn’t asking for redemption or vengeance or whatever. He’s asking for an end. Taker wants HHH to finish him but HHH will not be the one that does it. Taker says at the end of the day all HHH is going to see in the mirror is a coward. HHH goes off but just as he’s about to accept the match he catches himself. It’s still no. HHH gets out of the ring and Taker says that HHH knows he couldn’t do it because Shawn couldn’t do it, and HHH knows Shawn was always better than him.

That makes HHH take the jacket and tie off and get back in. He says this isn’t about being better than Shawn because HHH knows he can finish Undertaker. The fans chant prove it and HHH says he’s more certain than ever before. It’s officially on. If they do this, they go all the way: Hell In A Cell. NOW THERE’S A TWIST.

Daniel Bryan vs. Santino Marella

A big Santino chant starts it off and he loads up the Cobra quickly. Santino tries a rollup but gets caught in the LeBell Lock and it’s over at 54 seconds.

Kelly Kelly/Aksana vs. Bella Twins

Kelly starts but it’s off to Aksana quickly. That’s Nikki in there to start. She tries to throw Aksana to the floor but manages to fall out herself. Twin Magic and an X-Factor pins Aksana at 2:20.

We come back from a break with Cena in the ring. He wants to talk about The Rock who isn’t here yet but he’ll be here next week. Cena doesn’t like the Rocky chants anymore because Rock has become Dwayne. Rock has a team around him now instead of doing things for himself. Cena congratulates Rock for all of his success but he’s got a real problem with Dwayne Johnson. This isn’t about promoting a movie and he knows his movies were horrible. The one thing about Cena that lets him sleep at night: he always showed up and he never left.

As for Dwayne, the first chance he had he was gone. Then Rock came back a year ago and said he’d never leave again and then he left again. Cena says he’ll get fined for this but the only reasons Rock came back were to promote Fast Five and launch his Twitter account. Cena is here to fight for everyone behind that curtain who wants to be a superstar and stay a superstar. This is for people who say they’re proud to be a professional wrestler.

The greatest thing about April first is April 9th when Rock will be on a movie set watching his stunt double. Rock is going to have to kill him to beat him and the headline is going to say John Cena defeats Dwayne Johnson in his hometown at Wrestlemania 28. See you next week movie star. WOW.

Punk comes out in the suit jacket to do commentary for the battle royal.

Battle Royal

Big Show, Cody Rhodes, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, Great Khali, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Santino Marella

The winner gets Punk at Wrestlemania. Punk says Jericho’s entrance reminds him of a Lite Brite and he even sings the song. Ziggler has what appears to be a pink shirt tied around his waist. Everyone goes after Big Show almost immediately but it turns into a mod eliminating Khali. We take a break with nine remaining.

Back and Punk shouts Cole down saying that they’re back. I don’t think anyone has been eliminated. Kofi winds up on the apron and pulls Miz out there with him. They fight on the apron and Miz tries to throw Kofi back in for no apparent reason. Truth goes after him as well and Ziggler (minus the pink shirt) almost goes out. Cody and Wade try to put Show out but it doesn’t come close.

Show stands on Ziggler and Miz is thrown to the apron but he slides back in. He charges at Kofi and Truth but lands on the apron AGAIN. A double dropkick finally puts him out to an ERUPTION. Show looks at Kofi and Truth and hits a double chokeslam. Jericho grabs a Codebreaker out of nowhere. Zig Zag to Jericho and Cross Rhodes to Jericho. Winds of Change to Cody and Santino dumps Wade! And Truth! And then he gets his head kicked off by Dolph.

Show throws Ziggler whose head slams into the table in a SICK bump. Ok so it’s Show, Santino, Rhodes, Jericho, and Kofi. The announcers call for help for Dolph and we get an X. I think he might be legit hurt as that was a scary landing. Barrett’s arm might be messed up too. Kofi goes up top but Jericho shoves him off and Kofi’s feet hit the steps. Referees are running out to help Dolph and it looks bad.

There are four left. Jerry says he thinks Barrett has a broken arm and doesn’t sound like he’s kidding/kayfabing. Punk: “This has no bearing on anything but one of the EMTs looks like Rock N Roll Buck Zumhof.” There’s a stretcher for Ziggler. Show gets taken down by finishers and Santino loads up the Cobra and hits Jericho with it but Cody dumps him to get us down to three. Show throws out Rhodes and chops Jericho down. Rhodes grabs Show’s leg and Jericho’s throat. There are still EMTs with Ziggler. Jericho chokes Show to the apron and Rhodes helps get him out at 12:22. It’s Jericho vs. Punk at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C+. Other than Barrett breaking his arm and Ziggler apparently dying, this was a better than average battle royal. Apparently WWE needs more Buck Zumhof references. Jericho winning was obvious but at times there’s nothing wrong with that. Good match and good that the world championship closed the show.

Post match Punk gets in the ring and offers a handshake but Jericho says no and leaves.

Overall Rating: A. The wrestling wasn’t there (other than a downright nifty Sheamus vs. Henry match) but this was about launching us into Wrestlemania mode and they did that like I can’t remember in a very long. The build for the HHH/Taker match and the Rock vs. Cena match is incredible and the two title matches will be fine as well. I’m ready for Wrestlemania and that’s exactly what this show was supposed to be. Great stuff and I can’t wait for it. Oh and Cena – 5, Rock – 0.

Results
Sheamus b. Mark Henry – Brogue Kick
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Epico/Primo – Trouble in Paradise to Primo
David Otunga b. Ezekiel Jackson – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Santino Marella – LeBell Lock
Bella Twins b. Aksana/Kelly Kelly – Bella Buster to Aksana
Chris Jericho won a battle royal last eliminating Big Show

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Thoughts?  Eulogies for Ziggler?

Punk won the Raw Chamber match, last eliminating Miz. Jericho was knocked out of the cage and “unconscious.” You know, seven days after Sorensen had his neck broken. Not sure I’m ok with that. I’d assume it’s Jericho vs. Punk at Mania.

Thoughts on this?

It’s the last show before we really get on the Road to Wrestlemania.I think I’m going to go with the champions to retain.  I don’t see anyone taking Bryan out, especially if Big Show is going to fight Shaq at Mania like the rumors say.  Same with Punk, unless they go with Jericho to set up Punk proving he’s the best in the world by taking his title back.

Tamina I guess, not that it matters.

Cena over Kane for obvious reasons.

I’ll throw in a pair of bonus matches of Swagger retains over whomever he defends against and Sheamus squashes someone.

Your thoughts/picks?

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 13, 2012
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Elimination Chamber which is the final major show before Wrestlemania. That being said, the Chamber is pretty much set and it appears that one way or another, Punk and Jericho will be feuding after the PPV. It should be interesting to see what the final push is here and if they add any other matches to the card beforehand. Let’s get to it.

We open with the ending of last week’s show where Kane got in Eve’s face. Kane says that tonight, Cena embraces the hate and someone takes a ride in the ambulance.

We open in the arena….with a debate. All six of the Raw guys in the Chamber are going to have a debate. Punk is asked how he thinks he’ll overcome the odds when he’s interrupted by Ace. Ace is back and that’s about it. As for the question, Punk says this debate will NOT end in violence. As for old snickleprints, aka Clown Shoes, congratulations for maintaining power. Punk thinks Ace must have something like beastiality pictures of the Board members to keep his job. He’ll win because he’s the best in the world.

Vickie asks for no booing and Dolph says he’s better than everyone. Truth says if he’s elected, he’ll trade Vickie and Dolph for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders. Ziggler: “HOW DO YOU WORK HERE???” Truth will also make it legally required to say WHAT after every line of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now back to the issue at hand, he’s going to stomp that box of spiders and make them into Spider Stew, which is high in protein and low in carbs. With Little Jimmy by his side, he’ll drink the stew which will make him strong enough to win the Chamber.

Miz gets to follow that. He says he was the main event of Wrestlemania last year. As for his opponents, Kofi is an afterthought, Truth is insane and should be replaced by Little Jimmy. Punk will melt faster than his ice cream bars. Ziggler has only scored with an old woman….and the buzzer rings before Miz can get to Jericho. He keeps talking and the buzzer keeps going.

Kofi says everything can change in one night and he’s tired of being an afterthought. We actually get a Kofi chant. Jericho says he’s surrounded by neophytes and that he’s the best in the world. He’s been in more Chambers and eliminated more people than anyone ever has. He won the last time he was in it too. Punk should just give him the title right now. Punk says he was thinking of the time when Jericho finished 7th on Dancing With The Stars.

Dolph goes off and says this is stupid. Truth says he won’t be talked down to by a man named after Flipper, and we get some dolphin sounds. Jerry says we’re getting all six of them in singles matches tonight, so let’s start with Jericho vs. Kofi. Jericho shoves his podium over and walks up to Punk. Punk holds up the title and Kofi kicks Jericho’s head off.

Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston

This starts after a break. Jericho is still shaken up so Kofi clotheslines him to the outside and hits a suicide dive. Jericho goes face first into the table and they head back in. Chris gets in some right hands and a senton backsplash for two. Off to a modified chinlock but Kofi comes back with a cross body. Jerry makes fun of Jericho’s statements that he came up with all those ideas. Kofi tries a springboard dropkick but lands in the Walls. He makes the ropes after a good while but pops up with Trouble in Paradise which gets a very delayed two. Jericho gets up and the Codebreaker ends this clean at 5:21.

Rating: B-. The match was good but I really don’t get the idea of having Kofi talk about becoming a bigger deal and then having him lose clean like this. Yeah he got in a lot of offense, but maybe they shouldn’t be having matches between six guys that you want to look strong going into a PPV match between them. Just a thought.

We get a clip from the Rumble with Ryder getting Tombstoned.

Cena is with Ryder in the back and Ryder is in a neckbrace and wheelchair. Ryder has flowers for Eve though because he can’t stay away from her. Cena offers to bring her here and keep watch.

Otunga says Ace isn’t the permanent GM but he has an idea to make him GM of both shows.

We recap Big show vs. Orton on Smackdown and get some post show bonus footage where Show chokeslammed Orton.

Here’s Bryan for commentary I believe.

Big Show vs. Randy Orton

This also starts after a break. Show throws Orton around as the size is just too much for Randy. Orton is all shaken as we take a break. Back with Randy holding a sleeper. He jumps on Show’s back and Show goes down to one knee. Show breaks it up but walks into a great dropkick. Orton covers but is launched to the floor on the kickout. Show glares at Bryan who Cole has been complimenting all match.

Another dropkick drapes Show on the top rope and it’s a SUPER elevated DDT. Cole calls it extra vintage. How can it be vintage when it’s never happened before? Orton loads up the RKO and they horribly botch it with Orton never even leaving his feet. Show tries a chokeslam but Randy escapes and hits a good RKO as Bryan runs in for the DQ at 7:21.

Rating: C+. Better match here than Bryan and Show have been having lately. That’s not a knock on Bryan, but there’s only so much Show can sell for him without it getting ridiculous. The botched RKO was awful but the DDT was pretty cool. Bryan running in might as well have been plastered on a board, but this wasn’t terrible.

Bryan lays them both out with the belt post match.

Here’s Shawn for his big promo with HHH. Shawn talks about how people on Twitter ask him why he always shows up at this time of year. BECAUSE IT’S WRESTLEMANIA!!! He says he can’t be the Main Event anymore, but he can be Mr. Hall of Fame now.

Last week he was watching Raw (and yes he gets TV in the middle of nowhere place that he lives) and was waiting for HHH to say yes to Undertaker. Shawn heard him say no and then called Ace, saying he needed to talk to HHH. Then he thought HHH was just messing with the people and Undertaker. Shawn calls out HHH and even plays air guitar during the entrance.

Here’s the Game and they hug. They throw up an X as required by law. HHH says it’s great to see Shawn who has managed to stop hunting wabbits with Elmer Fudd. However, HHH isn’t going to face Taker at the PPV. Shawn saw Undertaker leave last year and HHH know he’d have to end Taker to beat him, and that’s not the guy he is anymore. Shawn says he’s stuck by HHH forever, even when he married that girl. Did that make HHH one of them, as in a corporate sellout?

The Game doesn’t like that. He says it’s called investing in the future. HHH says Shawn can’t understand it so they’re not having this argument here. Shawn says he’s a simple guy and it’s hard for him to understand this corporate stuff. However, he knows a coward when he sees one. No matter how much money you put around it, a coward is still a coward. The fans chant one more match and HHH leaves. Shawn says yeah walk away like a coward.

HHH freaks and comes back, saying Shawn can’t understand what’s going on. Shawn sits on his ranch with his wife and kids but HHH has real life responsibilities. All of this is going to be his and it means its his responsibility. You can’t look at Taker like an opponent because you can’t. Undertaker is a brand who is good for business. Their breed is gone and there’s a new one in town. Only Taker is left and HHH won’t be the one to end that era.

HHH goes nuclear on Shawn, saying that Shawn can’t push HHH to do what Shawn couldn’t get done. Shawn says that’s a great speech that would work on most people, but he’s at peace with where he’s at. HHH has no peace though. He needs to look Shawn in the eye and say he doesn’t want to end the Streak. HHH starts to walk away but Shawn pulls him back and says look him in the ey. There goes the jacket and Shawn puts the mic down. HHH looks him in the eye and says no. Shawn looks like he’s about to cry. He leaves and HHH stands alone in the ring.

He goes to leave…..and a gong sounds. We get another promo video from Taker saying this isn’t over. Taker’s hands are seen pulling out a nice and cutting his hair. He says keep your pity and give me what is mine: immortality. Back in the arena HHH pulls his tie off and we go to a break. WOW that was good.

R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dolph takes over to start and hits a dropkick. He struts around and does his handstand in the chinlock. There’s a slam and Ziggy does his situps. Truth however rolls him up for a pin at 2:35.

Santino comes to see Ryder and offers him a breath mint. This isn’t funny.

Tamina Snuka vs. Brie Bella

The name change should help. Beth is on commentary for this and will defend the title on Sunday against Tamina. Brie takes over quickly but Tamina hits a jawbreaker to escape. Snuka hits Nikki and then a Samoan Drop to set up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 1:25. Just how I like my Divas matches: nice and short.

Video on The Rock. He’s a movie star you know.

We go to Cena for a reaction on that video but we hear a woman screaming. It’s Eve who is being thrown into the ambulance by Kane. Cena comes to her rescue but the door is locked. Kane gets back up and slams Cena into said door before getting into the driver’s seat. Cena manages to get up and open the door and Eve dives to him. Kane drives off and Eve kisses him. Cena asks what that was for. We pan over to Ryder who is STUNNED and wants to know what that was.

After a break Ryder is wheeling away and is sorry to see that happens. She just wants to be friends. Ryder is disgusted and wheels away.

CM Punk vs. The Miz

Somehow it’s 10:48 already. This show has flown by and in a good way. Poor Zack is the #1 trending topic in the world. Miz takes over to start and works on the left arm. Reality Check is countered and Punk kicks Miz’s head off. Notice that Punk shakes the feeling back into his arm. That’s called selling and it’s a GOOD THING. Punk strikes away but the arm isn’t working right.

Miz pounds on the arm some more so Punk uses his right arm and legs. The knee and a right arm bulldog look to set up the GTS. Miz escapes into the short DDT for two and there’s the running clothesline in the corner. He comes off the top but Punk grabs a powerslam for two. The Macho Elbow (presumably) is broken up and Miz loads up a superplex. Punk comes back and hits the elbow for two. Miz pops up and tries the Finale but Punk reverses into the Anaconda Vice for the tap at 5:00.

Rating: C. This was a quick match but it wasn’t that bad at all. Miz kept moving and that’s the right idea. He’s not great in the ring but when he’s going fast enough and doesn’t have to be on offense all that much, he can be pretty entertaining. I’m not wild about him losing clean in five minutes, but whatever.

The ambulance is back.

Post break here’s Cena. He says there was an awkward moment back there and for what it’s worth Zack, he’s sorry. This was Kane’s plan all along: to turn everyone against him and make him embrace the hate. It’s a solid plan and it would have worked on anybody else. He’s not anybody else though. For some reason people think there’s an evil switch he can just turn on and off. The fans chant that they don’t hate him.

Cena says it’s been like six years and he’s comfortable in his own skin. Cena says he rises above hate and maybe they were chanting we all hate you. The people can think he’s a lady part having Fruity Pebbles guy, which draws a Fruity Pebbles chant. He says he’ll keep adapting and winning. This Sunday, Kane leaves in an ambulance. As for Dwayne (Rocky chant), Cena has a message for him for Wrestlemania.

Hold that though as here’s Ryder in the wheelchair. He gets up on his crutches and very slowly walks down to the ring. Cena tries to explain but Ryder knocks the mic out of his hands. Cena tries to explain again but Ryder slaps him. John takes the shirt off and the fans chant broken back. Ryder says Cena was never his friend and goes to hit Cena again.

Cena blocks it and pulls his own fist back but Ryder falls to the floor. Ryder says stay away from him and leaves. Cena didn’t hit him. Kane pops up on screen and says that Cena has embraced the hate. Sunday will be his last match until Mania because Cena will have his body leaving the WWE in an ambulance. Kane asks for a round of applause for Cena.

Kane then pops up behind Ryder and SHOVES HIM OFF THE STAGE IN HIS WHEELCHAIR! Cena panics and says get help which is there almost immediately. Eve comes out showing off some nice crack and is all worried. The fans chant for Cena for some reason. Ryder is taken out to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. There isn’t much to fault in this show. This was almost all storyline but they were on fire with them tonight. The stories were interesting and we got some great moments like Ryder’s shock and awe over the kiss. I’m curious as to what they’re doing with him but they can’t have more bad stuff happen to him. Oh who am I kidding, of course they can. Great show tonight.

Results
Chris Jericho b. Kofi Kingston – Codebreaker
Randy Orton b. Big Show via DQ when Daniel Bryan interfered
R-Truth b. Dolph Ziggler – Small Package
Tamina Snuka b. Brie Bella – Superfly Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz – Anaconda Vice

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 19, 2009
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 11,600
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This was another requested show for reasons that I’m not entirely clear on. Looking at the card, there’s nothing interesting or big here from a wrestling standpoint so I’d assume it’s a storyline based show. This is from an era that feels like so long ago but it was only three years. I’m not sure what to make of that. This is the go home show for the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

Vince returns tonight.

Battle Royal

Randy Orton, Kane, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes

Nothing to win here as far as the Rumble so this is just kind of a preview match. Everyone goes after Kane but DiBiase puts Marella out quickly. Legacy takes Kofi out but Kane gets up and tosses Cody. Dibiase is sent to the apron and Kane goes after Orton. He gets him to the apron but DiBiase dives on Kane and they both go out, giving Orton the win. This lasted about 2 minutes.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Beth is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. This was before Kelly got good. Let that sink in for a minute. Kelly is in a Blackhawks jersey and tries to speed things up, only to get run over. Glam Slam and we’re done in about a minute.

Randy tells Ted that he should do the same thing on Sunday. Ted is cool with it when Cody comes in. He says Manu and Sim Snuka were in Stephanie’s office earlier and there’s a rumor that Randy gets fired tonight.

Glamarella is in the back and Santino gives her Rosa Mendes as a present. She had been banned from events as a fan for some reason so she’s officially Beth’s intern. Santino: “PLEASE? Can we keep her?” Beth says she’ll think about it.

Stephanie is in her office when Orton comes in. Steph says she isn’t firing him so quit sucking up. Randy yells at her and says it’s her that should be worried about being fired because Vince is back tonight. He says Stephanie would be a no one if her last name wasn’t McMahon, which earns him a slap.

Intercontinental Title: William Regal vs. CM Punk

Regal is champion and has been cheating to keep the title from Punk recently. This is a No DQ match and Punk will be in the Rumble Sunday. Regal has Layla with him. Punk fires off kicks to start which get him two. Regal goes to the floor but he can’t suplex Punk. Back in and Punk snap suplexes him for two. Punk works the arm into a Fujiwara Armbar but Regal gets the rope as we take a break.

Back with Punk holding the Anaconda Vice on the ropes but Punk can’t get disqualified. Layla has to cheat to get him out and Regal knocks Punk to the floor. Regal puts Punk’s head to the post and kicks it into the steel, which only gets two. He hooks a full nelson but Punk escapes and hits a spinning backfist and high kick for two. The running knee hits but the bulldog is countered into a half nelson suplex. Regal loads up a superplex but Punk knocks him off. He misses his cross body but hits a GTS for the pin and the title almost out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty hard hitting match and for a nice moment on Raw, this was fine. Regal is good for stuff like this: midcard feuds when you need a basic heel that ca put on good matches. Punk would only hold the title about a month and a half, but he would win the world title in June so I think it’s a pretty fair tradeoff.

We recap Shawn having to work for JBL and last week’s match where Shawn had a great match with Cena and actually beat him clean with the superkick.

Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing for Cena vs. JBL at the Rumble. One thing I’ve never quite gotten: why in the world would you wait for six days before the show to sign one of the biggest matches on that show? Cena comes out to mostly cheers. He signs first and JBL signs quickly after. He says that it means the title will be his soon. Cena says he wants to talk to Shawn but JBL cuts him off.

He says that Shawn will only be at the PPV in his corner and nothing else. Cena says that he wasn’t looking into the eyes of a servant last week but with the main event and the showstopper. Shawn is still great and can do whatever he wants in the ring and can make an honest living doing it. That’s what I never got about this storyline. Shawn may be broke, but he’s a high level wrestler in the biggest company in the wrestling world. It might not be eight figures a year, but he’s probably not going to be broke doing it.

JBL says HBK works for him like everyone else does and that it’ll be Shawn making sure that JBL gets the title. He says it’s business and Shawn snaps. He hates that he has to do what he does but he’ll keep doing it because he has to. Shawn talks to Cena and says that he has obligations that Cena doesn’t have.

Shawn has squandered his and his family’s money and has to be there for them. He’ll do what it takes and if that means costing Cena the title, then so be it. Cena says be HBK and not this. One day there’s going to be a moment where Shawn has to choose. Cena knows he won’t make JBL the next champion. Shawn hits him with the mic and tries to superkick him before leaving, but Cena ducks. JBL hits a big boot and the Clothesline before leaving.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox

In the back, Knox says he doesn’t really have a reason for attacking Rey and doesn’t have any reason for doing it. I love that. Rey speeds things up to start and sends Knox to the floor. A dropkick to the knee puts Knox down but he clotheslines Rey to take over. A big boot gets two on Rey. Knox uses his power stuff but Rey catches him with a springboard rana into the 619 but Knox catches him. Knox pounds him down in the corner and won’t stop until it’s a DQ. This was short, like every non-Punk/Regal match tonight.

Stephanie is on the phone in her office and when she turns around, Jericho (fired last week) is in her chair. He talked to Vince and will get a chance to plead his case.

Smackdown ReBound. When’s the last time we saw one of those? It’s about Jeff Hardy having accidents.

Cryme Tyme vs. John Morrison/The Miz

Miz and Morrison are tag champions. I’m assuming they’re the Raw ones. They want to face Jim Duggan but Cryme Tyme comes out to talk about Obama being inaugurated the next day. If Cryme Tyme wins, they get a title shot in the future. Morrison vs. Shad to start us off with the big man kicking his head off. A flapjack puts JoMo down and JTG trips him. An STO from Shad ends this in just over a minute.

Cody is talking to Mickie James and doesn’t think her career advice means anything. He turns around and runs into Goldust. Goldust gives him the Starrcade DVD, saying he can learn more from this than anything Orton can teach him. Cody shrugs it off and says he’s surpass his father.

Melina vs. Jillian Hall

Last week Beth terrorized Melina before a tag match where Jillian would have been Beth’s partner, so this is revenge somehow. Beth, Santino and Rosa all come out to watch. Melina is distracted so Jillian hits a side slam for two. Melina gets a sunset bomb out of the corner for the quick pin.

Rosa charges at Melina post match which allows Beth to come in and beat on Melina. The title would change on Sunday.

Ziggler, still brand new at this point, hits on some chick who isn’t interested. He’s still doing the introduction thing at this point. Dolph turns around and runs into Vince, who introduces himself in a funny bit.

Here’s Vince for the big final segment of the show. He thanks the fans for the applause but says this is about business. Vince brings out Jericho to air his grievance. Jericho says that it was unfair that he was fired and that he should be reinstated for the Rumble. Vince says let’s bring out Stephanie who is GM of Raw. Jericho wants to be reinstated but Vince isn’t going to do that. Instead, the McMahons will run Raw together. She says Jericho can apologize if he wants and surprisingly enough, Jericho does it.

Steph says that’s not good enough so Jericho says it again and says it in more detail but still doesn’t sound sincere at all. That’s not good enough so he should apologize to the people. The fans chant on your knees which Jericho finally does. He explains that he’s great and while he may seem arrogant, he can’t help it. Stephanie makes him leave and Vince is pleased. Cue Orton and the pleasing is over. She slapped Orton earlier tonight and Randy wants an apology because he’s more valuable than she is. People pay to see him, not the McMahons.

Ever since Stephanie made Vince a grandfather, she’s become worthless. Stephanie leaves and Vince isn’t happy. Vince wants to know who Randy thinks he is. Without Vince, Orton’s dad wouldn’t have had a job and Randy would be a gym teacher in St. Louis. Randy has to apologize or be fired. Orton says Vince shouldn’t do that but Vince starts to fire him. Orton pops him in the mouth then kicks him down. A fast punt leaves Vince unconscious and the announcers freak. Randy seems to be shocked at what he just did. Vince is taken out to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Do these people know that we’re six days away from the Rumble? This was a different kind of build for the show as it was about the people who will be in the Rumble (namely Orton) rather than the match itself. That’s the same kind of build they did in 2012 and I’m not sure I like it. It’s not bad, but there’s really not much going on with this show and it didn’t make me want to see the PPV at all.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall