Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So with another year gone, two things have happened. First and foremost, Austin is back. He’s a bit weaker than he was before, but he’s still the biggest star in the world. Other than that, WCW is on its absolute death bed, as it would be out of business in about two months. The company is hot right now and they know it, so here they had more or less their 10th free shot in a row at having a great show and knowing there’s next to nothing WCW can do to touch them.

The other big match is Angle vs. HHH for the title. There’s really not a lot to say about this show as the main thing really is just Austin. He’s not a lock to win though as Rock is a huge deal also. I don’t think anyone bought Angle as a main event level guy though, so he could win here and be fine. Either way, let’s get to this as I know at least the Rumble is good.

The intro is of course bland and talking about ho this is the one night where you can win a chance to go to Mania. I get that that’s the main point, but could you please be a bit less generic? It’s not going to kill you for once.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian

My goodness it’s a non gimmick tag title match! The best I can gather is that Edge and Christian have been using chairs on the Dudleys so there’s a regular tag match because of it. Oh wait, Edge and Christian are the champions here? Well that makes more sense I guess. They used the chairs to help give them an advantage. Ok that actually does help things out a lot. The champions try to run after about 4 seconds as apparently the Dudleys are injured from the chairs still.

Lawler is amused that they have concussions for some reason. Also for some reason they’re allowed to compete despite having concussions. Only in wrestling would that be perfectly fine. Bubba and Christian are in now and Bubba is holding his head without it being touched so if nothing else he’ selling. Jim and Jerry argue about teeth for no apparent reason. Bubba shouts way too much. It’s so weird to see Edge in the midcard and not incredibly over yet.

We shift into more of a traditional formula here with D-Von fighting for everything he’s worth while the referee naturally misses a tag. While Bubba has the referee’s attention since he never was that bright, D-Von avoids another double chair shot. Once the Dudleys take over, Edge shows off his idiotic side by bringing in a title belt but he misses. That’s fine, but he lays it down. Why would you do that?

Bubba is behind you, there’s no referee, so you lay down your weapon. He was still getting the hang of the top heel thing I guess. In a cool spot, the Dudleys set for 3D but Edge spears Bubba while D-Von has Christian up. It was cooler looking than it sounded. After Edge and Christian try to steal What’s Up, Edge gets hit by the 3D in an ending that felt kind of anti-climactic for some reason.

Rating: B-. This was a match between two teams that fought about a thousand times but it was nice to see them do it without weapons for a change. That’s not something you often see and the good thing is you could have a good match without them. That’s always a good sign and a nice bit of fresh air from these guys. It wasn’t great but it was a good choice for an opener.

Drew Carey is here.

Vince says that Austin will be in the Rumble but HHH keeps his shot. This is about HHH accidentally running into Austin and Austin beating the heck out of him which broke some agreement. The ruling was that Angle caused it so it didn’t actually break the order, which made it completely pointless.

We go to Stephanie and HHH’s dressing room. This was just after Trish was caught bent over in front of HHH so that’s the main topic. Trish is going to be at ringside tonight. Stephanie cannot act, period. Drew Carey comes in and gets tips about how to do PPV because he’s doing Doritos presents Drew Carey’s Improv All Stars. Yes that’s actually what he calls it. He also apparently ran into Kamala at an airport and he’s now a singer. Amazingly enough, that’s real.

Farrooq and Bradshaw show each other their Rumble numbers in a scene that was supposed to have gay overtones that failed completely. Crash comes in and threatens to eliminate them later.

We get the recap of Jericho vs. Benoit, which more or less is both guys saying they’re better and Benoit having the IC Title, so they put it on the line in a ladder match. Do you need any more build that Jericho vs. Benoit in a ladder match? I don’t think so.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

I’ve always loved the prove me wrong line that Benoit had. It was perfect for him as it was short and sweet and correct. That’s all you need a lot of the time. Jericho has a bad shoulder here too to offer some psychology to the match. It helps here as your arms can help you climb a ladder so if nothing else it fits the flow of the match here which can often be the most important part of the match.

They bring the ladder in and somehow we get even more physical than we already were in this match. This was some of Jericho’s best in ring stuff around this time as he was clearly having a blast. See, the difference between WCW and WWF is that here, Benoit and Jericho are likely going to steal the show. They did it in WCW as well but there they would likely just do the same thing again until they jobbed to a 42 year old that didn’t need a push at all.

Here, Benoit would be a workhorse that got all kinds of praise and big matches while in less than a year Jericho would be world champion. Ah here we go. It’s ladder and other weapons time. After some stiff shots in the ring, Jericho goes to the floor and grabs a chair. Benoit launches a suicide dive at him but goes straight into the chair in a great looking spot. And see, Jericho SELLS THE SHOULDER. How hard is that for people to learn?

This turns into a game of top this as they come up with more and more ridiculous ways to hurt each other with the ladder. One of them is Benoit being tied into the ladder on the second rope and Jericho hooking a side Russian legsweep on him, bringing the ladder down with them. There’s stuff in here straight out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

Benoit gives Jericho a belly to back suplex over the top rope. That’s cool looking if nothing else. Climbing back in, we have a fight up on the top of the ladder, which leads to the spot of the match. Jericho knocks Benoit backwards, and puts THE WALLS OF JERICHO on him on top of the ladder. To say this looks both incredible and painful is a total understatement. That just got this match a much higher grade.

Benoit goes off the ladder but has the energy to kick it over to save the title. This is great stuff here. Back on the mat, Jericho gets caught in the crossface and taps, but obviously this means nothing. There’s at least some psychology here as Benoit already has Jericho’s shoulder hurt so he works on it. That’s at least smart. Since there’s nothing else to do, Benoit is picked up and just thrown into the ladder.

Why not? Sometimes the best solution is just to beat the other person up with the ladder. It’s working here if nothing else. In yet another great visual, we go to the top for a suplex but Jericho is shoved off. Benoit goes for the swan dive, and the whole crowd just rises to their feet to watch in amazement at what they’re seeing. That’s how you know you’re doing a great job: the crowd responds to you.

We finally get one of the first dead spots of the match which is perfectly acceptable in this case as they’re half dead. This lasts all of four seconds though as Jericho comes back in with a chair and just wears out Benoit with it while he’s standing on the ladder. Benoit gets pushed off and bounces off the ropes, then the apron and then the floor, which is enough for Jericho to get the belt. DANG that was painful looking. The highlight package of this match doesn’t do it justice.

Rating: A. This was a freaking brutal fight. They beat the living crap out of each other here and are going to be hard to top. For some reason this match isn’t really remembered, and that was the case even before Benoit was deleted from history. These guys went at it like no other and beat the living heck out of each other. Go find a copy of this as it’s definitely worth it. Great brawling match with tons of brutal spots.

Drew Carey hits on Trish and her chest, which ends up with him entering the Rumble.

Chyna says she’s ready. She was still hot back then.

Jericho says that was a war but he’s happy.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory, which is based on the RTC hating Chyna for being in Playboy (thank goodness!) and then spike piledriving her which allegedly broke her neck. Her line of I hate them while crying is a great thing.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Around this time Chyna had this big pyro gun called the C-2000 that launched fireworks into the air which was kind of cool. Ross says that Ivory is sexually frustrated and menstruates 30 days a month. I’ve got nothing for that. If nothing else they got the description of her right: she’s more or less Lilith from Cheers.

Chyna was supposed to be this woman that broke all kinds of barriers yet she wrestled in more or less a leather two piece swimsuit. If anything, Ivory in her full body outfit is the one breaking more barriers. This has been ALL Chyna. She beats up Richards and goes for a handspring elbow and falls down holding her neck because of it.

That ends the match after Ivory’s body covers her. This led to her being completely fine and coming back to destroy Ivory in about 2 minutes at Wrestlemania to win the title and completely ruin it as there was no one but Lita that had a freaking prayer against her. She left the company maybe 6 months after this, never to be seen again. The stretcher part takes at least five minutes, which is longer than the match went. Her chest looks freaking amazing in that segment if nothing else.

Rating: N/A. This was an angle, not a match. It wasn’t any good anyway, so there’s just not a lot to say here. It lasted about three minutes and was pure dominance.

Stephanie runs into Trish. Hot women arguing ensues.

Drew Carey tries to introduce himself to Kane. Recap not needed.

Low Down, perhaps the dumbest idea ever, (D’lo Brown and Mosh as Arabs) argue with their manager about who should be in the Rumble. It doesn’t matter as Drew Carey gets their spot. Now this is an important point. Let’s compare this to WCW and David Arquette. Both Carey and David are about the same level of celebrity status and they’re here to promote something that not a lot of people are going to watch anyway. What does the WWF do?

They replace a jobber in a match where he absolutely won’t be missed. Think about it: what would Brown or Mosh do in the match? Hang around for about seven minutes and be destroyed by either Taker or Kane or someone like that. Would anyone really miss either of them being in there? Not in the slightest. Instead, you get a celebrity in the match where he might bring in a few fans to the show. See, that’s how you use celebrities.

You put them in a place where they don’t make a big difference at all, but they seem like they do. That’s smart business. You give up a little something and while you likely won’t get a big payoff, you might get a decent one. If not, you lost Mosh or D’Lo for one night. That’s something you can live with and if nothing else, Drew gets publicity and you look like nice guys. Now on the other hand you have WCW, where a celebrity of about equal status was there trying to promote something.

What does WCW do? THEY MAKE HIM WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, thereby making the wrestlers look pathetic, the title look like a joke, their PPV look like a bigger freak show than a pro wrestling show normally is, an more or less drive yet another spike into their own coffin.

Instead of having him do something stupid with Disco Inferno or something for like 5 minutes on Nitro, they said that this actor is on equal footing with the champions of the other major company at the time, which at that time would have been HHH. See why they went out of business so fast?

We hear opinions from the fans on who will win the title match tonight.

HHH is getting ready and sounds like Darth Vader.

We recap this feud, which consists of Angle hitting on Stephanie and Trish allegedly trying to sleep with HHH through some comedic mix ups.

WWF Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle had won the title in the fall from the Rock and held it ever since, more or less in a huge Cinderella thing where no one could beat him and he just kept getting luckier and luckier, which is fine I guess. This is another hard match to comment on as both guys were just off the charts around this time as far as in ring work went. The good thing here is that they manage to balance the brawling style which dominated the era with some solid in ring work that both men excel out.

This is another match that’s hard to criticize or poke fun at because it’s working really well. You don’t often hear about these two having chemistry but it’s there. Sadly though, the match runs a bit long for the fans. It’s about 25 minutes, and for purist fans like most of us here it’s a treat, but the problem is that this is still the Attitude Era, so if a match has a good amount of technical stuff in it or psychology etc., it’s considered boring.

However there’s a part in here where it gets a pick me up as the two women come out and fight for a bit. This is a bigger reaction than anything in the match. The problem with this match is simple. HHH is the undisputed top heel in the company as he was revealed as the guy that masterminded Austin being run down, but Angle was more or less built up as the midcard guy in over his head but still good enough to put the belt on.

Think of Punk’s original reign and you’ll get what I mean. The problem here though is that HHH is simply a bigger star and at this point a better wrestler than Angle. Angle would get a lot better but this is probably the peak of HHH’s in ring ability as he was just so perfectly evil at this point and the in ring work backed that up to perfection.

Anyway, you can tell that Angle is really finding his groove here as he’s getting a lot more intense than he used to be and is getting into that character that took the world by storm within a few years. This is mainly technical stuff as HHH uses the Indian Deathlock of all things, which no one buys at all, mainly because other than the Sharpshooter and the figure four, one of which is used and I’ll let you guess which one, no one taps to a submission hold.

In another blast from the past, HHH busts out a Razor’s Edge. Hall was gone by this point from mainstream wrestling so this was a bit more acceptable I guess. Also the ratings were so low that I don’t think they could be seen from the ground anymore so who the heck cares? Anyway, Vince comes out to get the girls broken up, oddly enough picking this time to come out and get his hands on Trish. What a shock that is.

Anyway, after they leave and the crowd more or less goes with them, the referee goes down twice. The second was great as he was down on the outside and HHH throws Angle into the post and Earl just slams into the steps in a solid bump. HHH misses a belt shot but there’s no zebra impersonator. He does however get a heck of a Pedigree that Angle takes perfectly.

Austin runs out though and beats HHH up with Earl still down. At least in this case the bump the referee took looked awesome so you can validate him being down this long. HHH takes a belt shot so he’s down as Austin gets the referee back in there. He gets a Stunner in just for good measure and Angle keeps the belt. Angle would hold onto the belt until next month when Rock beat him for it to set up Mania 17.

Rating: B. This was a very solid match, but the run in at the end kind of hurt it. The problem with Angle’s reign was he never had a definitive win to cement himself as champion, much like Punk’s first reign, and it suffered a lot because of that.

I’m not saying you put him over HHH clean, but somewhere along the line he had to beat someone in a title match without help or cheating. Either way, HHH was great here and Angle was improving dramatically, so this was fine. I might have cut out 4-5 minutes, but it’s very solid all around.

Rock says he’s ready for the Rumble. It’s funnier than it sounds.

Royal Rumble

Jeff Hardy is first and Bull Buchanan is second. It’s so weird to see Jeff as a total midcard guy that’s known for doing nothing but high spots. I had to pause for a second there to get my composure. Rikishi is number 30. In a stunning turn of events, Matt is number 3. Why does Ross always say wait a minute? We don’t have that kind of time. Naturally Bull is gone in about twenty seconds. I will give them this: they actually fight each other.

The Steiners just wouldn’t do it and it sucked. Farrooq is 4th and they double team him of course. See, that’s a classic tactic but it works well. Jeff botches a double team spot. In other news, the sun came up today. The double team finisher leads to Simmons being thrown out. Now we get to the fun part as they just throw punches. Jeff gets a SICK Whisper in the Wind as Drew Carey is 5th. This was when he was actually a big deal so this was a cooler thing that it seems like.

I thought they were booing but they’re chanting Drew. Matt and Jeff put each other out so Drew stands alone. In a truly great moment, Kane is number 6. The look on Drew’s face and the reaction of the crowd and Ross absolutely panicking is just perfect all around. Kane walks around the ring and does the fire thing. Drew tries to get Matt and Jeff to come back then tries to pay Kane.

He gets put up in a chokeslam but Raven and his sweet music save him as number seven. Drew waves goodbye and eliminates himself. He walks to the back, high fives some fans and is never seen in the WWF again. See, that right there is how it’s done.

Drew was in there all of three minutes or so, he got a solid response from the crowd, he took the place of D’lo or Mosh who Kane would have put out in about 10 seconds and no one would have remembered, Drew comes out of it having lost no respect at all, and he got some publicity for his PPV. Everyone wins.

There was nothing wrong with this and it came off great. Anyway, Raven gets thrown through the ropes which allows Al Snow who Raven had injured to run out early and beat on Raven. His clock goes off so he’s in now and he brings weapons. One of these is a garbage can, and for the first time ever, it has garbage in it. He also gets a bowling ball which he rolls into Raven’s crotch.

In a chilling line, Ross says this is what New Orleans looks like after a bad hurricane. Saturn is 9th with Terri who is about to fall out of her top. All three guys work on Kane, and they prove that they’re idiotic by beating on him enough to get him on the mat, instead of, you know, OVER THE TOP. Blackman is 10th, and being the genius he is he beats on everyone not named Kane. This big long hardcore thing isn’t working for me or the audience either.

The division was just dead by this point and it’s showing badly. Grandmaster is 12th and now we get to the fun part. Kane goes to the floor and grabs a garbage can and just freaking kills everything in sight with it. He knocks all five out in about 20 seconds with some sick shots. Blackman tries to skin the cat and Kane just blasts him over the head which makes me chuckle.

Number 12 is the Honky Tonk Man who sings and plays the guitar. That seriously might be the greatest gimmick of all time. I mean really, a wrestling Elvis impersonator? That’s just amazing on a ton of levels. Seeing Kane, more or less a crazy sociopath behind Honky for this is hilarious. Honky is gone in about a minute and Rock is 13 to a big ole pop. Kane is a lot more muscular here than he usually is.

Goodfather is 14th and for some reason there’s a big Rumble R over the right side of the screen but not that left. That looks odd. Goodfahter is in for about 2 seconds as Rock puts him out. Ross gets in another of his out there lines by saying Kane is a carnivore chewing on a big piece of Rock Burger. Yeah I’ve got nothing. Tazz and his awesome music is 15th and he lasts longer than Goodfather, being eliminated in 8 seconds or so.

13 people have been eliminated. Kane has put 7 of them out. Bradshaw gets us into the second half, and oddly enough he had the longest world title reign of these three. That’s just weird to say. Albert is 17th, making the shortest man in this match at the moment is Rock who stands 6’5. Hardcore Holly is in at 18. We’re at kind of a slow point here as not a lot is going on.

K-Kwik, more commonly known as R-Truth is 19th. Bradshaw powerbombs the living tar out of him. That was painful looking. Val Venis is number 20. He’s still in the RTC at this point. This match has a noticeable lack of energy to it which isn’t good at all. I think Rock came in way too early. He’s a big deal and he’s been in there awhile already. Right now Kane and Rock are the only two that are really up and doing much of anything.

William Regal, still a smiley heel is 21st. He has a lot of heat on him if nothing else. Test is 22nd. Not a lot is happening here at all and we need to get rid of some of the people in there. As I typed the word some, Regal is gone. Test, the guy that threw him out, would win the European Title from him before Mania. He then kicks the heck out of Venis.

Big Show makes his return at 23. Good GRIEF that man is fat. He throws out Truth and Test in about a second each and then chokeslams literally everyone other than Rock so they’re all down. Rock manages to get a low blow in and knock Show out before the next guy comes out. Show isn’t happy though and chokeslams Rock through the table in a cool looking spot. Crash is 24th.

Everyone joins together to beat on Kane. Rock is out on the floor. He’s selling perfectly too. Taker is 25th and it’s on. He saves Kane from a massive beatdown and they look at each other and Taker gives him a sign. Within 15 seconds, all five others in the match are gone so it’s Taker, Kane (he’s eliminated nine people here, which I think ties him for the record at the moment) and Rock who is still on the floor.

There had been talk of Taker and Kane hooking up again and apparently that was true. In an amusing spot, Scotty is 26th. Guess how this goes for him. The idiot actually gets in the ring. In a flat out brutal beatdown, Scotty is punched, kicked, kicked in the face and takes a double chokeslam before they throw him out together. 27th is Austin, and to say the place pops is an understatement.

However, he doesn’t make it to the ring just yet as HHH is here. Rock is back in and all of a sudden this is awesome. See what happens when you don’t have any stupid fillers in there and you just put the big, talented stars in there?

HHH beats the tar out of Austin and cuts him open, which to be fair works because he jumped him from behind so Austin never had a fair shot. Billy Gunn is 28th and the level of awesome is just sucked out of this thing. Taker hits Rock with that sweet running DDT that I wish he would bust out a lot more often.

Haku of all people is 29th. Note: he was at the time FAR more famous as Meng. He was also the WCW hardcore champion at the time, but WCW in its eternal brilliance put a title on a guy that was getting paid per appearance and had no formal contract. His return lasted all of six month or so but it was kind of cool I guess. I thought it was more like a month, but whatever. He teamed with Rikishi which went nowhere and he because a Heat guy after awhile.

Ross’ blatant cheering of Austin and calling it a shame is really annoying. We get it: you love Austin. You’re supposed to at least try to be unbiased. Granted, I have to wonder how much of this is Ross and how much is Vince screaming in his ear. Rikishi is number 30 but Austin jumps him on his way in. Your final grouping is Rikishi, Haku, Billy Gunn, Rock, Kane, Taker and Austin. Austin puts out Haku to get us down to six.

Taker gets a good chokeslam on Rikishi which impressed me. They seriously tried to make Rikishi a legit big deal and to say it failed is the understatement of the year. To further my point, they actually let him put Taker out with a kick. I can’t stand Vince’s fascination with huge men at times. Seriously, he just put Rikishi over Taker.

Rather than having Rock, Austin, Kane and Taker as almost a dream final four, we get Billy Gunn, Rock, Kane and Austin as Rock puts Rikishi out. Billy gets a Fameasser on Austin but this I guess energizes him to allow him to put Billy out to get us to three. Austin is down in a corner, Rock puts Kane down and falls in another corner, and you know what’s coming. Rock wins the fistfight and the fans are clearly more into Rock than Austin.

Austin catches him with a Stunner as Kane is somehow still down. There’s a Rock Bottom to a great pop. It was kind of clear that Austin wasn’t as big of a deal as he used to be as Rock had surpassed him. This is the period that Rock lovers point to and say Rock was bigger than Austin. That’s like saying that Jim Brown, who was the best running back of all time and played in the 50s and 60s isn’t as good as Ladanian Tomlinson today.

Well duh of course not the man is in his 70s. Austin was past his peak here while Rock was in the middle of his. If Austin never left, Rock doesn’t hit this level, end of argument. If you believe otherwise, I’d love to hear your reasoning because it’s wrong. Anyway, Rock throws Kane through the ropes to give us more Rock and Austin. Lawler says he’s been waiting for years to see this. That’s odd as it’s been less than two years since their last Mania match but whatever.

Kane hits a chokeslam here as despite Austin being the relatively clear winner, it’s not for sure which makes this ending a lot better. Also it’s not like Austin is in there with Billy Gunn or someone completely ridiculous. Kane is a legit contender here which is making all the difference in the world. Kane gets a chair but Austin gets a counter and hits a Stunner.

Austin gets three very solid chair shots and a clothesline sends him to Wrestlemania, where he would take the title from Rock who would win it in a month and thankfully turn heel which thankfully Vince recognized was the only way to go. Basically, turn Austin heel had been the big movement online around this time as it was clear that Rock was the bigger face and it appeared that Vince was trying to make Austin bigger by sheer force. Luckily he woke up for once and we got Mania 17 out of it.

Rating: B. While not as good as last year’s this was still very solid. Austin winning made sense, the last two guys both also could have won, the midcard was well represented, and other than Billy, there was no one there at the end that wasn’t a legit winner. Carey offered a bit of flavor to the match and I think it helped.

It was something different, but it’s well remembered because it was well done. That’s proof you have a good moment. Kane was the story here though as they made him look awesome. His reward: a short run with the hardcore title because that’s how he’s respected. Anyway, this was very good stuff and above all else, it worked.

Overall Rating: A. This is a very good show. Every match has something good to offer, as the Chyna match was the worst but she looked awesome in it. There are five matches: four are for titles and the last is the Rumble. That’s a stacked card if there ever was one. Carey offered some mainstream appeal which is never a bad thing unless you completely screw it up and they didn’t here so that enhances this even more. This is definitely a top level show and certainly worth checking out.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 16, 2012
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s another Monday and if I didn’t know any better, I’d have no idea that the Rumble was less than two weeks away. Has any Raw guy mentioned being in the Rumble at all? We’ve had nothing but the Cena vs. Kane stuff with Ryder running scared. Ryder defends the US Title tonight and for some reason Perez Hilton is here. Let’s get to it.

Opening video is about Martin Luther King.

Let’s Burn It To The Ground.

Here’s Foley to open the show. He talks about enjoying being a non physical presence, including hosting This Is Your Life John Cena. However, his kids got to see him perform, (including being in the main event of Wrestlemania in this arena). He does have two other kids though, who haven’t seen him perform. Due to that, he’s entering the Rumble.

Cue Vickie and Ziggler. Ziggler yells at him about taking up a spot in the Rumble from someone else that could use it more. Foley says it might be a huge mistake but he’ll be there to win it. Ziggler talks about everything he’s done to get to this point in his career and how he can’t imagine facing someone fat like Foley at Mania for his world title. He tells Foley to go home, get a new shirt, eat a salad and go home.

Cue Punk who is glad to see Foley. Punk says that he and Foley are a lot alike in that they’re unconventional and don’t look like the rest of the WWE roster. He makes fun of Ziggler’s look and Ace in general. They get in an argument with Vickie and here’s Ace. He says he’ll be fair at the Rumble and says he’ll consider Foley in the Rumble. After about 2 seconds, he says no. Vickie laughs at him and that’s it.

Tag Titles: Epico/Primo vs. Air Boom

Neither team even gets intros. Great to see how well the new champs are treated. We actually get clips of the title change last night. There’s a fortune to be made in filming house show stuff and releasing like 3 hours of it for ten bucks on DVD or WWE.com or something. The matches are already there anyway so just film them. Epico vs. Bourne to start us off.

Bourne hits an awesome standing rana to Epico off the top to send him into Primo. Off to Kofi who cleans a house that wasn’t very dirty in the first place. Boom Drop gets two and it’s Trouble in Paradise time, but Primo breaks it up. The kick hits Epico a second later but the Shooting Star takes too long to hit. Backstabber keeps the titles on the champs at 2:20.

Ace is in the back when Otunga comes in. He hands Ace an envelope which isn’t spoken of again. Someone comes in and Ace puts him in the main event: a six man with Bryan/Punk vs. Otunga/Ziggler/Henry. It’s Jericho, who turns off the lights, turns on the jacket, and poses.

The envelope that Otunga handed Ace was a doctor’s update on Ryder. We go to the back where Ryder is with Eve. His ribs are all taped up. Josh comes up and they say that he’s in no condition to compete. He says he won’t forfeit the title and Eve says she’ll go with him.

We get a video from last week about Kane/Ryder/Cena and all that stuff.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder

Swagger goes straight for the ribs and Ryder’s offense can’t do much. Vader Bomb to the back gets two. Gutwrench powerbomb barely gets two. Another gets the same. He drops elbows on Ryder’s ribs and slaps him around before hitting a third powerbomb…and he wins the freaking title at 2:35.

After a break Ace says that Ryder wasn’t medically cleared. And that’s it.

Great and no it’s Hilton time. He’s booed out of the freaking building. Thank you Anaheim.

Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox vs. Bella Twins

Perez breaks up Twin Magic and Kelly gets a rollup at 55 seconds. GET RID OF THIS DIVISION ALREADY.

Rumble moment: 92 with Flair’s marathon. Heenan’s reaction to Flair being #3 is left out here for no apparent reason.

Here’s Truth but before he can say anything cue Barrett. Barrett: “R-Truth…if that’s even your real name.” Ok that made me smile. Truth is officially in the Rumble and Foley isn’t. Truth says Barrett talks funny. The fans are allowed to WHAT him. Truth went to Disneyland this morning and it made him smile. He has a slideshow to show us. First of all he met Mickie and Minnie. And Donald Duck.

Then he met Pinocchio who said Barrett is winning the Rumble. The picture of Pinocchio’s nose grows. Truth: “I don’t even know if that’s PG.” Truth bashes Barrett when Miz jumps him. Sheamus makes the save. Cue Teddy who is here because….I have no idea. Let’s have an over the top rope challenge.

Sheamus vs. The Miz vs. R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett

After the feuds pair off, everyone joins up to throw out Barrett. Truth and Sheamus get into it but Miz takes them both down. Sheamus “hits” three double axes (and by that I mean they missed by six inches each) and the forearms to the chest. Brogue Kick misses and Miz can’t knock him out. Sheamus tries to put him out but Truth throws them both out to win at 5:10.

Rating: D. The match was just there but the point was to remind people that the Rumble is actually happening. Not bad and nice to play up the anyone can win aspect. Barrett going out first like that was kind of surprising. Still though, it was nothing special, but it wasn’t really supposed to be.

Miz gets his head kicked off post match.

Cena comes in to yell at Ace who makes Cena vs. Kane for the PPV. Cena vs. Swagger is…next?

Jack Swagger vs. John Cena

Cena takes his head off before the bell even rings. Out to the floor and Cena keeps destroying him. The bell never rang and Cena beats the tar out of him. Let me guess: embrace the hate right? Cena sets to crush Swagger’s skull with the steps but cue Kane’s pyro and music. Kane pops up on the monitor and says Cena will have embraced the hate by the Rumble. You know, because Cena has NEVER been violent or aggressive before right? Give me a break. There was no match.

Here’s Brodus who has a new intro with I’m assuming his dancing chicks talking about how he’s the only Funkasaurus in captivity.

Brodus Clay vs. JTG

JTG gets molested but he does manage to get in a punch. Brodus does his chatting during the match. Corner splash sets up the cross body and we’re done at 1:09. The finisher is called Funky. Ok then.

We recap Show running over AJ last week.

Here’s Bryan for an update on her. He runs down Big Show for what happened and says they were fake tears. Show should never show his face on Smackdown. Violence is threatened if he does appear. Bryan is dedicating his match Friday to AJ.

Daniel Bryan/Chris Jericho/CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry/David Otunga

Punk vs. Ziggler gets us going. The champ takes over to start and a snap suplex gets two. Off to Bryan who might have tweeked his knee. Ziggler DDTs it and it’s off to Otunga. Bryan takes a beating but it’s off to Punk vs. Otunga. Notice that Jericho hasn’t been in there yet. Ziggy comes back in and stomps away on the champ. Punk gets in a shot and Jericho wants in but Ziggler stops it and it’s back to Otunga.

Naturally Punk beats him down, hits the Macho Elbow and it’s off to Jericho. Jericho plays to the crowd instead of going after Otunga though….and tags out to Bryan, walks up the ramp, and leaves. We take a break as no one is quite sure what’s going on. Back with Bryan in trouble and it’s off to Punk quickly. He hits the springboard clothesline but Henry comes in. Everything breaks down and Bryan pops Henry, but Mark screams at him. Bryan hobbles away and they fight up the aisle.

Ok so it’s 2-1 now more or less. Henry is beating Bryan up….and here’s Foley? The fans seemingly boo this out of the building but it’s hard to tell. Fameasser gets two on Punk. Punk gets in a kick and it’s off to Foley who gets a pop so I must have misunderstood the reaction earlier. He destroys Otunga and hits the running knee in the corner. Double arm DDT hits and it’s Socko! It gets the win at 14:43.

Rating: C. Well that was a mess. Foley and Punk are announced as the winners and I have no idea how you get to that conclusion. Either way, the match was a mess with a bunch of stuff with some wrestling thrown in. I really don’t get what they were going with here but it continues the working theme that nothing has much of a plan that I can see.

Ace comes out post match and reverses the decision. Punk gets in his face and says the reason Ace doesn’t like Punk is because Ace never was anything but a look. He was the brother of a Road Warrior but he was nothing more than roadkill. It kills Ace that he never made it to this level as a competitor. Punk swears he’s going to get cheated at the Rumble because Ace can’t stand that Punk is the champion. No matter what, Punk will still be better than Ace because the people will be talking about Ace for the first time, but it’ll be because Punk is going to destroy him. Punk fakes him out with a punch and calls Ace pathetic.

Punk leaves and Foley gets Ace a very funny double thumbs up. Ace is ticked off but we’re not done yet. He says he’ll be the future permanent GM of Raw and he won’t be intimidated by Punk. Foley says just admit that you’re going to screw Punk. He calls Ace a sycophant, which is New York Times bestsellerish for kiss-up. Ace wants to know who Foley thinks he is. He admits he’s going to screw Punk because he’s tired of being bullied because he’s not appreciated for putting on the best shows he can. He hits Foley with the mic

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t feeling this show tonight. I’ve certainly seen worse, but the booking ticked me off. The whole US Title changing hands is stupid as they had Ryder get one of the most unique pushes ever and then he loses the title less than a month later? WHY? Anyway other than that (and the announcers being more excited about Perez Hilton than a title change), the show was just kind of there. They’ve barely built up to the Rumble at all which is pretty stupid, but hey it’s not like PPV means anything anymore right? It’s about TV ratings and that’s it it seems. The ending however helped the title scene A LOT.

Results
Epico/Primo b. Air Boom – Backstabber to Bourne
Jack Swagger b. Zack Ryder – Gutwrench powerbomb
Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox b. Bella Twins – Rollup to Brie Bella
R-Truth b. The Miz, Sheamus and Wade Barrett in an over the top rope challenge
Brodus Clay b. JTG – Funky
Dolph Ziggler/David Otunga/Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan/CM Punk/Chris Jericho via DQ when Mick Foley interfered

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 25, 2000
Location: McKenzie Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,223
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another request due to it being Christmas recently. One night late in WCW’s dying days, Raw has a show on Christmas night. If I remember right, Nitro didn’t air and I don’t think many people noticed. This is a few weeks after Armageddon and the 6 man Cell match so we’re rolling towards New Orleans and the Rumble which was very good. Let’s get to it.

And no this isn’t live of course. It was taped the Saturday before.

Here’s Stephanie to open the show. You know, the implants with a McMahon attached. She looks great though. The McMahons are celebrating Christmas at the moment, with Vince volunteering at a soup kitchen in Greenwich and HHH sending Steph here. Even Stephanie is getting into it, making something that reminds her of her mother: a fruitcake. We get a clip from the end of Smackdown, which is Rock and Undertaker arguing over something. Therefore tonight it’s Rock vs. Taker.

She brings out Edge and Christian with Angle as well. Angle is in his first reign as world champion while the Canadians are tag champions. Edge wishes Stephanie a Merry Christmas but they’re sorry that Foley isn’t here due to being fired last week. Christian insults Chattanooga for a bit and talks about Smackdown, which we see a clip from showing Edge pinning Rock to win the tag titles.

Angle does the same but with his own brand of humor. He’s given himself a Christmas gift and has flown out his family. Here’s an army of people that all look like Kurt. He introduces all of his family and all of their accomplishments. He talks about hitting Foley with a chair so the fans chant for Foley. Stephanie reminds us that he’s fired and the fans boo Kurt’s family. They sing Walkin In A Winter Wonderland until Jericho FINALLY cuts them off.

He tells Angle to shut up. Jericho liked the singing but instead it should have been the Twelve Days of Christmas. We have six Angles who will never be a laying, two valley girls and Stephanie, who gets all of her usual insults, in a a pear tree. For Christmas, Jericho wants the world title, and he wants it tonight. Angle yells but Stephanie cuts him off. The title shot is denied but instead it’s a six man: Angle/Canadians vs. Jericho/whatever team Chris wants. Jericho says that’s nice but he didn’t get anything for Stepahanie. What do you get for someone who’s had everyone? Jericho implies the Dudleys will be his partners.

Kurt gives his family a tour of the arena and runs into K-Kwik (R-Truth) and that’s about it.

Hardy Boys vs. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

Benoit is IC Champion and Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion. In the back, Matt tells Lita to stay in the back because she’ll get hurt. Lita goes anyway. Big brawl to start and Malenko pulls Benoit to the floor. Jeff is like cool man and hits a huge Poetry in Motion to the floor. That looked awesome. Benoit SNAPS off a dragon screw on Jeff’s leg to take over. That looked sick. Malenko works on the knee a bit as well but Jeff gets a SWEET spinning leg sweep cradle for two. A double dropkick puts the Radicalz down and it’s off to Matt. Everything breaks down and Lita hits Dean low. Top rope legdrop ends this.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here but the knee stuff was great. By that I mean one move but you get the idea. This would lead to Dean getting a date with Lita which wound up in a hotel room and Lita in some very nice lingerie. Anyway, not much to see here but it was nice to get the Hardys away from the Dudleys and Canadians.

Post match Matt gets put in the Texas Cloverleaf and Lita in the Crossface.

Post break Lita is being checked on when Benoit jumps Matt again.

Rock arrives and doesn’t care to hear about his match with Taker.

Debra is still Lieutenant Commissioner but it’s not fun without Foley anymore. She makes a triple threat Hardcore Title match with Raven, Blackman and Holly.

Vince calls Stephanie on voicemail and likes the match. He says he has to do something real quick at the soup kitchen but Trish’s voice is heard giggling.

We get a clip of Austin getting chokeslammed by Kane and then Austin demanding a match with him, which he gets tonight. Austin says he’ll beat Kane up tonight.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Raven vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman is champion. Raven and Holly get into it before Steve gets there. I’m not sure what you want me to say here as it’s your usual one guy gets knocked down, the other two fight, the third makes the save. The challengers fight into the crowd but Blackman beats them both down out there. They go under the stage and into the back where Raven beats up what appears to be some stagehands. They go outside and Raven is thrown down some stairs. Holly finds a random 2×4 and swings at Blackman. He misses though and Blackman hits a German onto the hood of a car to retain.

Rating: D+. As I’ve said before, once you’ve seen one of these matches, you’ve seen them all. It’s just basic brawling with weapons that goes nowhere and then they have the ending. They had beaten this so far into the ground but by keeping it down to like three minutes per match, I think it’s ok.

Blackman is walking back to the locker room but Raven hits him with a board and steals the title.

The XFL is coming. OH YEAH!

Here’s Regal who is European Champion. Little trivia for you: he’s one of only two Europeans to hold that title. He blasts Americans for awhile until Kane comes out for his match. Ok then.

Kane vs. Steve Austin

Brawl to start with Austin hammering him into the corner. Regal is on commentary. A clothesline puts Kane down and another puts him on the floor. Austin gets pulled out there and Kane takes over. Regal gets up for some reason and Austin takes him down as well. Austin stomps on both of them as this is a total brawl. Back in the ring a big boot puts Austin down and they slow down.

A second boot is blocked and Austin goes for the knee. Kane fights back and wraps Austin’s leg around the post. Lawler says Kane is the official first entrant in the Rumble. Back in the top rope clothesline gets two. After a suplex gets two it’s a bearhug. Austin comes back with the Thesz Press and the elbow. Chokeslam, Stunner and Tombstone are countered until a Stunner hits. Regal pops up on the apron and Kane gets up. Regal finally gets in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was fine. It was just a brawl that ran about seven and a half minutes and that’s all it really needed to be. The interesting thing is you could easily compare this to a lot of Cena’s matches on Raw today. There wasn’t anything to it for the most part and there wasn’t supposed to be. However Cena gets blasted for it and Austin is one of the most popular stars ever. Go figure.

Regal tries to bring in a chair but Austin clocks both guys with it instead.

Taker says he isn’t surprised by having to fight Rock later. He says Rock has the bark but he has the bite. Taker is still face here.

Cue The Kat in a robe. She has a gift with her. She gets in front of the announce table and grabs a mic. The gift is for JR and it’s the latest Divas video. As for King, Kat gets on the table and pulls the robe open to reveal some red lingerie. She shows the crowd too. Jerry gets a kiss also.

Stephanie barges in on T&A who says Trish isn’t here. She leaves and they imply Trish is with Vince.

Angle calls his parents as his brothers/cousin watch. Well that was pointless.

Too Cool vs. T&A

Grandmaster vs. Test to start. Stephanie comes out to watch, probably because of the jokes T&A made after she left. Sexay hits a middle rope dropkick and it’s off to Scotty so he can get beaten up for awhile. Albert comes in and Scott can’t do anything. Baldo (Albert) Bomb gets two as Grandmaster makes the save. Scotty gets in some kicks and a forearm to set up a double tag. Everything breaks down and Scotty sets for the Worm. Test kicks Scotty’s head off after it hits. He sets for the ending but Stephanie distracts him, allowing Grandmaster to roll up Test for the win.

Rating: D. Didn’t like this one at all. This whole show has felt like it’s just a labor to get through and that’s not good. To be fair though it’s Christmas night so it’s not like anyone is watching. Stephanie came in to mess with them, presumably to cost Trish’s team, but this went nowhere.

Post break, Albert comes in to talk with Stephanie. He offers his services to Stephanie for whatever she needs.

Chris Jericho/Dudley Boys vs. Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian

Jericho and Christian start things off. The fans want tables and Jericho tries a quick Walls attempt but settles for a slingshot into a rollup for two instead. D-Von and Edge come in and things speed up. Bubba comes in and does his always funny yelling. What’s Up to Edge. It’s Table Time already and everything breaks down on the outside. Edge hammers on Bubba but it’s quickly off to Christian.

The beating goes on for about 20 seconds before it’s off to Jericho and Angle. Jericho gets in a fight with Angle’s family who is all in the front row. The Dudleys put one of them through a table. The Dudleys and the Canadians fight up the ramp and Jericho hits a missile dropkick for no cover but the Lionsault eats knees. Angle Slam (and a good one too) beats Jericho.

Rating: C. This was going on so fast that it was hard to tell if it was good or bad. It certainly wasn’t boring and the big stuff looked pretty good. I liked it for the most part but much like the rest of this show and the show overall, it came and went and that’s all there really is to say about it.

The Angle family beats him down but the Dudleys make the save.

Edge and Christian say they’ll get the Dudleys for what they did.

Right to Censor vs. APA

It’s Buchanan/Godfather this time. Buchanan gives a very southern promo, talking about how evil the Dudleys are. Bradshaw starts with Godfather and the beating begins. Farrooq and Buchanan come in and the bald one takes a spinebuster. Bradshaw comes in and runs people over, including a top rope shoulder. Ivory interferes and Jackie runs her over. They get in the ring because Jackie has to get on my nerves at least once a year. Val Venis uses the distraction to run in and DDT Bradshaw. A Buchanan legdrop ends this. The match was nothing.

We get a video of Chyna taking a spike piledriver and injuring her neck. She had an MRI so we get a sitdown interview with her. Short version: I’m hurt, I’m sad, I’m successful outside the ring, I don’t like RTC, I’ll be back but not against men. Somehow that took six minutes.

Rock is in the back and cuts Kevin Kelly off because they are chanting his name. He gives his version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and sings to Undertaker a bit too.

Undertaker vs. The Rock

I’ve never really seen these two have a good match so maybe this is the exception. Taker pounds him down and knocks Rock to the floor with one punch. Rock gets dropped onto the barricade and the table as JR is running out of room to run. Back in the ring Rock fires off a few rights and the jumping clothesline to take over. Swinging neckbreaker gets no cover but a Russian legsweep gets two.

Taker gets in a big boot and pounds away on the back. They mess up something so Taker hits a side slam for two. DDT by Rock gets two. More back work by Taker and this match isn’t breaking the streak these two have. Oh joy: it’s a bearhug. Rock fights out and now Taker hits a DDT of his own for two. Chokeslam and Rock Bottom are countered but a chokeslam hits. No cover though because he wants a Last Ride. And here’s Rikishi to interfere. Spinebuster to Taker but Rikishi pulls the top rope down and Rock wins by REALLY LAME DQ.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. They walked around, punched each other a lot, and that’s about it. The really bad ending didn’t help anything at all but hey, Rikishi is a top heel right? They don’t really give a reason or a thought as to whether or not it would work, but he was the next guy to feud with Rock I believe. Give me a break.

Rikishi stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. OH MAN thank goodness it’s over. This was one of the least interesting shows I’ve seen in longer than I can remember. Nothing happened here, no one cared, no one wanted to be on the show it seemed, and nothing here would have seemed to have mattered. That being said, it’s unlikely anyone watched it but if one person did, it beat Nitro that night. Horrible show though.

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Yep. Just like in 2007. I’m as shocked as I sound. Can’t you hear the shock in my voice?

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 11, 2001
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

The Invasion rolls on tonight and we’re getting very close to the King of the Ring. After tonight there’s only one show left before the PPV so things should be heating up pretty well. Tonight has a pretty famous main event as it’s Benoit vs. Angle in a cage. Angle brings out the best in Benoit which is saying a lot so that should be good. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Regal to open the show to huge heat. He wants to know where all the sportsmanship and decency has gone. We get clips of Jericho “cheating” last week as Regal tries to spin things. He considered stepping down as commissioner but he believes in the power of good manners so he’ll stick with it, despite a loud Foley chant. Tonight, Jericho has to face Rhyno and Big Show at the same time. Benoit on the other hand, gets Angle inside a cage.

As for King of the Ring, just because Benoit and Jericho have both beaten Austin in tag matches, that doesn’t mean they’re going to be in the title match at King of the Ring. That may have been the case in former Commissionerships but….cue Foley. Foley admits that some tomfoolery went on while he was on the job. Actually it happened every day while he was Commissioner. They’re treating it like a medical disease. They have a battle of WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR VOICE and somehow that transitions into Foley was on the Tonight Show.

Speaking of Tonight, “right here tonight in Richmond, Virginia”, Foley has a special guest. Regal tries to get rid of Foley but Linda McMahon comes out to that rocking old school Wrestlemania theme. She’s been thinking about the King of the Ring and says the Canadians are worthy of title shots. As for what might be fair, what about Austin defends against both of them? If Austin beats the first one, he has to face the second one.

Regal asks if that’s fair and Linda says no, but she means not to the Canadians. If Benoit went first and won, then Jericho gets no shot. We get a clip from Smackdown of Austin saying he can beat Jericho and Benoit at the same time. Therefore, Mick called her and suggested…something that we have to wait for a Foley chant to end to hear. It’ll be a triple threat at King of the Ring. Linda says that what she and her lawyers want and Regal has to agree. Before they leave, Foley reminds Linda that Regal called her a deadbeat, giving us that awesome look that Linda does when her eyes bug out.

Edge is talking to Rhyno when Christian comes up. He thinks he’s been left out of the Already Advanced To The King Of The Ring Club. Christian whines that he has to fight Kane to get into the tournament.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Christian

Kane dominates him to start with the power game. Christian tries to use speed but gets kicked in the face. Top rope clothesline kills Christian but Edge breaks up the pin attempt. While Edge is being dealt with, Albert runs in and hits the Baldo Bomb as Christian steals the pin. He might have gotten in two shots before that.

Austin and Debra arrive and Linda and Foley meet them. Austin yells at her so Foley gets in his face. Steve yells into the window of their limo but Foley tells him about the title match and they drive off. That shut him up….kind of.

Foley was on the Tonight Show. That’s pretty awesome.

Hardy Boys vs. X-Factor

It’s Credible/Pac here. Jeff has won the Light Heavyweight Title on Smackdown. I don’t think anyone knew that title existed so it was kind of shocking to see. Matt vs. Pac gets us going and they speed things up. Jeff is in a sweatshirt which is too big for him. Matt gets sent to the floor where Justin takes his head off with a superkick. Matt gets beaten down for awhile but avoids the Bronco Buster. Justin misses a baseball slide as well as the post that his balls were supposed to hit. Hot tag to Jeff and house is cleaned. Jeff loads up the Swanton but Lita hits that perfect top rana and then the Swanton hits for the pin on Pac.

Rating: D+. Too short to be all that bad but it was nothing special. X-Factor never amounted to anything at all so it was nice to see them lose here. I don’t think they lasted much longer but Albert wound up win the IC Title in about two weeks. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t bad. Actually scratch that: Lita’s hurricanrana was, but that’s one of my favorites.

X-Factor beats them down post match, including a chair shot to Jeff.

Austin runs in to Regal’s office and yells A LOT. Hey dude, we know your name already. There goes the tea and Austin demands Regal face him like a man. Tajiri comes to Regal’s defense and that’s the last we’ll see of him for awhile.

Trish seems to flirt with Blackman before his match at King of the Ring with Saturn. This goes nowhere.

Jericho tells Benoit he’ll get the first shot if he wins. Benoit says Jericho will get the first shot.

Spike and Molly like each other. They’re in a six man tag tonight against each other. This is really awkward. They’re about as good at acting as Stephanie. Nothing is going to come between them but Bubba pulls Spike away from kissing her.

Austin yells at Vince and shouts c-o-n-spiracy! Austin gets in Vince’s face and then hugs him. He rubs his hand up Vince’s back as you do when you hug someone but has a mindless and kind of scary look on his face. Funny…..?

Chris Jericho vs. Rhyno/Big Show

Rhyno comes out first so Jericho goes after him as fast as he can. Jericho suplexes him and hits the springboard dropkick to put Show on the floor. Lionsault gets two but Show pulls him to the floor. The monsters have to tag. Rhyno beats on Jericho and rams him into Show’s boot. Another big boot puts Jericho down and the Canadian is in trouble. Jericho manages to knock Rhyno down but there’s too much Big Show. Chris does manage to send Show into Rhyno and hits a missile dropkick to Show. Rhyno breaks up the Walls (that’s a new one) and the chokeslam ends Jericho. Then Rhyno Gores Show and steals the pin.

Rating: D. This was exactly what you would expect: dominance by the monsters, a little comeback by Jericho, and then a win for the monsters. I don’t know what the point of this really was, other than the ending I guess, but it was nothing of interest either way. Jericho got dominated as you would expect. What’s the point?

Shane arrives and runs into Kane. Kane gets in Shane’s face and says he’ll take out Albert. Shane thanks Kane for saving him from Undertaker about the whole stalking thing. I really need to watch Smackdown to get the other half of these stories. Shane suggests Kurt might have something to do with it.

Rhyno says that’s the third win in a row over Jericho so if Jericho wins the title, he has to be #1 contender.

Jericho is getting looked at when Austin jumps him.

Here’s Kurt who has something to say. He makes fun of Richmond because that’s what heels do. Kurt brings up the Confederacy which is still a sore spot in the south. He brings up the whole reenactment of battles which the south lost. That’s a good point but I live in the south and I don’t want to listen to how the south will rise again from my family. Anyway, there’s a cage match tonight and how about it huh? His motto in life is that cheaters never win, and Benoit is a cheater.

We get the same video from last week where Kurt was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame. Angle calls himself the closest thing to a modern day superhero there is. And no, HE DOESN’T SUCK! He’ll use those powers to win back to back King of the Rings. He calls out Shane but gets Taker instead. He says word has it Kurt likes messing with other men’s wives. Kurt denies knowing anything about it. He met Sara once and didn’t find her attractive.

That earns him a Last Ride and we get a new video. The guy is at Taker’s home again but Sara isn’t there. Instead Sara is at a hotel where she’s been hidden from him. He’s growing tired of Taker’s games and steals some of Sara’s clothes. Using her lipstick, he writes I Know Where You Are on the mirror. Taker runs off and Shane pops up with an Angle Slam to Kurt.

Rock was at the MTV Movie Awards. This was before he was an actual mainstream star. Pink and Ben Stiller might know who he is.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Perry Saturn vs. Steve Blackman

Trish is with Blackman here. Perry is still loopy but once the match starts he’s fine. Go figure. Basic stuff to start and Blackman gets a spinebuster. Terri tries to interfere but Trish gets her down. Saturn grabs a crucifix for two. Dean interferes as well and the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza ends Blackman. This was nothing.

Trish goes after Terri post match and Dean accidentally hits Saturn in the head with a kendo stick.

Austin is freaking out so Debra offers him carrots and broccoli. Austin very calmly: “I don’t want a carrot.” He eats some of it anyway while freaking out.

The male Hollies are warming up when Molly comes up and begs them to not hut Spike. They make fun of her for it and says the only way Spike survives is if Molly beats him.

Terri and Dean come in to see Regal and request a week off for Saturn. Regal says ok and Saturn comes in and says British people fight dragons so they don’t get all firey. He also debuts his catchphrase of You’re Welcome.

Dudley Boys vs. Hollies

Spike and Molly are in this one. Crash starts with Spike but Molly is brought in quickly. They don’t want to fight of course and are all afraid of it. Bubba is his usual awesome self: “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? PUNCH HER IN THE HEAD!” Molly takes him down by mistake and Hardcore tags himself in for the sake of the crowd not joining a drum circle. Crash goes up but gets crotched. Not hot tag brings in D-Von who hits What’s Up on Crash. It’s Table Time and Molly runs away from Bubba. In the ring the 3D ends Crash and we’re done.

Rating: D. Again nothing to see here but the whole thing was to set up the post match stuff which we’ll get to here in a minute. The Spike/Molly SHOWDOWN sucked and lasted about 15 seconds. This feud has run its course now and needs to end, which to be fair I think it more or less did after this.

Bubba and Hardcore go through the table (looked fake beyond believe) so Spike and Molly finally kiss. It got a BIG pop so at least there’s that.

The cage is lowered.

Update on HHH’s knee rehab. They test his range of motion.

Test is at WWF New York. He says Stephanie is a sl** and is really good friends with Shane. As for joining WCW, he might do that.

Here are all of the Austin segments from earlier in the show.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

This is in a cage and Austin comes out to do commentary. Angle spears him down to start. You can win by pin, submission or escape here. Angle hits a quick suplex but the second is countered into a failed Crossface attempt. Benoit fires off chops and Angle is rammed into the cage. Kurt puts Benoit down with a gutwrench suplex and then a second. He goes to escape but Benoit climbs up to catch him. After a lot of pounding, the Canadian hits a German on the American off the top.

Benoit goes up again but misses, allowing Kurt to hit a top rope elbow for no cover again. JR keeps implying Austin is losing the title at the PPV while Heyman keeps trying to kiss Austin’s feet. A low blow and Angle Slam put Benoit down and Angle goes up. Here’s your famous moment of the match as Kurt goes up for a moonsault and totally misses it, nearly killing himself in the process. After the match Vince basically said do that again and you’re gone. It looked awesome though.

Angle looks out of it but he manages to send Benoit into the cage to keep him down. Benoit blocks another shot into the cage and hits three Rolling Germans. Angle escapes for a second and then makes it six total Germans. There are suplexes 7-9 and Angle looks dead. Benoit goes up top but Austin stops him by holding up a chair. These guys do know you can win by pin right?

Benoit is like I can out crazy you Kurt, and launches the Swan Dive off the top. JR says it was indescribable. Benoit dove off the top of the cage and hit Angle in the shoulder/chest with a flying headbutt. Sounds describable to me. Benoit goes for the door but Austin blocks it. Chris kicks the door open and into Austin’s face but Kurt grabs the ankle lock as he’s escaping. An enziguri puts Kurt down and Benoit goes to escape again, only for Austin to slam the door on his head. Well if he hadn’t stuck his head out like that, it wouldn’t have happened. Angle climbs out to win.

Rating: B+. Major gripes I have about this (we’ll get to those) aside, this was GREAT. Angle took a man’s beating here. Both guys got destroyed and while the Austin interference was obvious, I don’t get the point in having Benoit lose here. Again, we’ll get to why in a minute, but I really didn’t like the outcome of this.

Austin destroys Benoit with a chair post match.

Overall Rating: C-. The theme of this show was that Austin is running scared of Benoit and Jericho. That’s fine. However, why in the world did they need to have both Canadians lose? The problem with their push is that the only big win either of them has is Jericho over Austin due to an error by HHH and Benoit beat him in another tag. Was there ANY need to have Rhyno pin Jericho here? I mean…he’s Rhyno.

Same with Angle. Angle is a much bigger star than Rhyno and you could have given Benoit some main event credibility here by having that Swan Dive win it. Angle was feuding with no one at this point, unless you could Spike Dudley. By the end of the cage match, Angle had taken so much punishment that it wouldn’t have been a big deal if he had lost.

Look at Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga in a cage match building up to Orton vs. Hardy at the 08 Rumble. It’s the same thing but Jeff won with the Whisper in the Wind off the top. Same idea, but done right. I don’t get the booking here, but the Alliance threw it all out anyway so it doesn’t really matter. Next week: The Stalker Revealed.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 4, 2001
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 11,417
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Back to the Invasion era (kind of) as we’re rolling up to King of the Ring. Last week Benoit got his title shot in a great match so tonight it’s Jericho’s turn. Also I think we begin qualifying matches for the tournament as I remember watching the Rhyno vs. Tazz match that’s on the card tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the rematch from Smackdown where Benoit almost won the title again. That match might have been even better. Those two had some scary chemistry. Benoit destroyed Vince with a chair and Austin stole the win with tights.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Christian

The tape on Kane’s arm is shrinking. Christian runs down Minnesota because everyone from there is a freak. The bell rings twice for some reason and Kane hammers away quickly. He hits the top rope clothesline but Edge has the referee. He interferes again so Kane goes after him but the power of Canada causes his bad arm to go into the steps. Christian gets a low dropkick for two but I don’t think his offense is going to be lasting much longer.

The challengers gets slammed off the top but Edge distracts from the chokeslam. Edge takes one instead and HUGH MORRUS runs in, hits a moonsault (complete with a big WCW logo on the Tron and a siren blaring) and leaves. A BIG layout powerbomb kills Christian and Kane keeps the title. Shane celebrates in the production truck.

Rating: D+. Just a squash but the whole point was to have Morrus do the ending which is still cool looking. Acknowledging that it’s WCW is a nice touch as everyone knew who it was but it’s cool to hear it. This was a huge moment but unfortunately it wouldn’t get much more exciting than this. The match was just there.

Here’s Vince and he’s mad. He says that Shane isn’t going to cause trouble in his company. Now onto Benoit and Vince REALLY isn’t happy with him. He lists off things that his injuries could be called and the fans cheer louder each time. Benoit is never getting another title shot because he’s sadistic. Only a sadist would give Austin ten suplexes in a row. Tonight, Benoit gets Big Show.

Cue Foley to a BIG ovation. He has his new book with him so what do you think he’ll be talking about? Foley thanks the fans for making it a bestseller for the second week in a row. He’s in People Magazine also. However, he’s here to talk about the piece of paper he’s been using as a bookmark. It’s a contract, one of which he signed while Commissioner. This one says he can make a main event for any Raw he chooses. Tonight, it’s Austin vs. Jericho for the title. Benoit and Vince are banned from ringside. Vince says that contract doesn’t count because we’re not in Connecticut or something like that.

Foley has a counter for that though. He brings out GOVERNOR JESSE VENTURA. Vince looks TERRIFIED. Jesse puts on his glasses and looks at the contract. He says that he’s the highest elected official in Minnesota and since Vince couldn’t control him when he worked for Vince, he certainly can’t control him now. What Vince needs to learn is that there are people in the world more powerful than he is, and Jesse is one of them. He shakes Mick’s hand, says have a nice day, and that’s that. Jesse is one of those guys that is just awesome every time you see him and it worked here. Foley says he has a big surprise for Vince later.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Well isn’t this interesting? They come out together which isn’t something you see that often. Matt is European Champion. Jeff grabs a rollup for two very quickly. Matt tries the Twist but Jeff counters. Expect to read the word counter a lot in this. The fans like Lita the best and in that pink top I can’t blame them. Whisper in the Wind gets two for Jeff. Out to the floor and Jeff tries to run the railing but Matt ducks.

In a SWEET spot, Matt charges at Jeff while Jeff is up against the ring. Jeff backdrops him up against the ropes and in a Tajiri like bounce, Matt bounces off of them and hits a DDT to Jeff. The middle rope legdrop misses and Jeff loads up the Swanton but gets crotched. Jeff shoves him off and tries the Swanton again but it hits knees. The Twist is countered into a backslide for the surprise pin for Jeff.

Rating: C+. The idea here of course was that they knew each other so well and they kept countering one another. Having the ending be quick like that was the right move and it worked out well. Good stuff here and WAY better than their match at Mania and Extreme Rules, but that could just be due to this being when they were young and motivated to have good matches.

Austin is polishing the belt when Vince comes in. He has some bad news for Austin: he has to defend the title tonight against Jericho. Vince blames Linda so Austin says just give her half of your money ($500 million) because if you can’t live on $500 million, you’re planning on living too long. In a funny bit, Austin starts to say that no woman deserves that but looks at Debra and says NEVER MIND. Funny stuff.

Trish is in the back when Foley comes up. She’s mad about being challenged to a bra and panties match by Terri. Foley asks if Trish is scared and turns this into a story about Alexander Hamilton dying into a duel. If he had a bra and panties match, he’d still be alive. Trish: “He’d be over 200 years old.” Foley: “EXACTLY! It’s part of your duty as an American to compete tonight.” Trish: “Mick, I’m Canadian.” Foley: “Which is part of….North America.” Trish: “You’re right!” HILARIOUS segment.

Regal and Tajiri are in his office and Tajiri gives him some tea. It needs to be two degrees warmer. Kurt comes in and Tajiri is sent off for more tea. Shane has accepted Kurt’s challenge at King of the Ring. Angle also mentions that he wants to win the King of the Ring again so Regal puts him in. He also wants Spike Dudley so Regal adds him to the Holly team and adds Spike to the Dudleys so it’s a six man.

The Dudleys aren’t happy because Spike is their partner.

Molly Holly is at WWF New York and looks great in a blue dress. She thanks the fans but more importantly, Spike for all the flowers he sent. She says she likes him. Spike sees it and freaks out.

Dudley Boys vs. Hollies/Kurt Angle

Six man tag here. Hardcore and Kurt have a quick argument due to the whole severely broken arm Kurt gave Hardcore a few years ago. D-Von and Hardcore start but Spike comes in before there’s any contract. Kurt wants to come in but gets decked quickly and it’s back to D-Von, giving us two tags before there was any contact between the legal men. We get going and D-Von hits a powerslam for two.

The fans want tables but that would be a DQ here, so do they want the Dudleys to lose? Actually who are the faces here? The Dudleys want to put Molly through a table which is hardly a good guy action. Hardcore beats on Spike for a bit, including the punt to the “abdomen”. Off to Crash for such a short time that I didn’t see him do anything. Back to Hardcore who hits a suplex for two.

Crash comes in and there’s a distinct lack of Kurt in this, which I think is the point. Spike manages a tag to Bubba but the fans miss it. Kurt does get in and Spike GOES OFF, until Hardcore gets in a shot and Spike gets killed by a German. Spike blocks a superplex and hits a double stomp off the middle rope.

Double tag brings in Bubba and Hardcore and a Bubba Bomb puts him down. Crash takes a Samoan Drop and Hardcore takes a Doomsday Device. Kurt pops in for a German on Bubba but the moonsault misses. Hey Kurt. WHAT’S UP??? Bubba calls for a table but it’s a 3D to Crash instead. A quick Angle Slam pins Bubba though.

Rating: C. Again this feud is just kind of fun. There’s no main event or title implications to it but the feud works very well. It’s well done and the feud makes perfect sense. For some reason, that just can’t be done today. It seems that everything has to be part of a bigger purpose and a bigger story. Nothing can be a small and self contained story anymore.

Big Show vs. Chris Benoit

Show runs over Benoit to start as we hear again that Benoit was an undefeated WCW Champion. We’ll ignore that it was because he never defended it I guess, much like everything about Benoit is ignored anymore. Off to a bearhug by Show which Benoit bites out of. Gorilla press drop by Show and Benoit is in trouble. Show goes up (GULP!) but misses a middle rope elbow. Swan Dive is caught into a chokeslam but Benoit counters that into the Crossface and Show taps out! Too short to rate but that ending was pretty awesome. I’m a sucker for Benoit going all wrestling master and countering stuff into the Crossface.

Taker arrives, over halfway into the show.

Here’s Taker in the arena and he’s ticked off because of the stalking of his wife. If someone wants to do something with him, do it now and keep his family out of it. Taker says nothing is going to be easy until this ends. And then he turns to JR. JR was the first one to get the letter about the tape. Taker doesn’t think JR has something to do with it but if there’s something JR isn’t telling him, he’ll be the first name on Taker’s list. Heyman says the words “old lady” and is promptly punched in the face. JR suggests that he go ask Vince.

Taker says that’s a good idea and we get another video of Sara outside and it looks like she’s watering plants or something. The voice says that if he wanted to get closer then he would. Taker’s dog is out there too. Sara goes inside and the voice says she thinks she’s safe in there. Back in the arena, Taker goes to the back and isn’t happy.

Classic KOTR: Taker vs. Mankind in the Cell.

Back from a break and Taker kicks in the door to Vince’s office, demanding answers. Vince says he has nothing to do with this. He may have an ego but he doesn’t have a death wish. Vince suggests it might be the same person that flashed the WCW logo: Shane. Taker threatens Vince with the insertion of the WWF into a place it isn’t designed to go on Vince’s body if he’s lying.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Rhyno vs. Tazz

Rhyno is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title. Nice pop for Tazz. Rhyno pounds him into the corner to start and hits what would have been a Gore had it not been for the corner. This is Tazz’s first match since Mania? I didn’t really miss him. Rhyno comes off the middle rope but jumps into a suplex. Tazz Gores Rhyno for two and I remember that from when I was 13. Tazz hooks the Tazmission but Rhyno uses the Bigelow Breaking The Ring counter. Gore ends this.

Rating: D. I have no idea why this match sticks out to me but it does. Not a good match or anything and you can see Tazz is completely gone. Rhyno would make the semi-finals of the KOTR but wouldn’t go anywhere until the Invasion started when he moved up to the midcard with a few quick main event shots.

Austin and Debra are a bit nervous about Mick’s surprise with the champ being moreso. Debra goes off to find info from Foley.

Video on Smackdown Your Vote which is a cool idea.

Debra is looking for Mick. He’s sitting on some steps and they exchange pleasantries. She gives him what appears to be candy and asks about the surprise. He won’t say but she gets an autographed copy of the book.

Christian and Edge have some weird self-help moment and both say they want to be King of the Ring. They’re both in the tournament too.

Jericho tells Cole to shut up (AMEN) and that he’s accomplished a lot, including telling Vince he is rather small. I’m assuming he meant that Vince had one and that it wasn’t a rather embarrassing announcement. Jericho says he’ll treat Austin like a sl** and that he’ll win the title. He steals a bunch of Austin catchphrases while saying this.

Terri vs. Trish Stratus

Bra and panties here so I’m not sure what you want me to say about it. Heyman says this is in the tradition of the Funks and the Briscos. JR says that the Briscos never had a bra and panties match, officially. I really don’t want to know some of the stories that JR has. Both of the girls look good and they can’t wrestle yet, although Trish is trying. Terri loses her top and is out there in heels. Trish loses her top and Terri stands on her hair. Oh ok Trish hadn’t lost her top yet. Perry Saturn comes out in a robe…and has lingerie on under it. The distraction lets Trish win. I think you can figure this one out for yourselves.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho

Foley’s surprise is that he’s the troubleshooting referee. He’ll be outside while there’s a regular one in the ring. Austin beats him into the corner before Jericho can even get his title off. He tries the Thesz Press but Jericho counters it into the Walls. Austin runs for the ropes and we go to the floor. Jericho gets sent into Foley and Austin goes into the steps. Back in the Lionsault hits knees and Jericho is down.

Spinebuster messes up Jericho’s ribs even more as does an elbow drop. Jericho is in trouble here as Austin is having to protect his back and ribs due to the Germans from the other Canadian on Thursday. Jericho fights out of a bow and arrow but gets kicked low. That only gets two and JR mentions that Austin wouldn’t mind getting disqualified. Why doesn’t he do that then? It can’t be that hard.

Austin yells at Foley for some reason and the distraction lets Jericho get in a low blow to shift the momentum again. They slug it out which is won by the Canadian. Missile dropkick gets two. Middle rope hurricanrana gets two. Austin ducks the forearm and Jericho takes out the referee. Foley, like an idiot, checks on the referee as Jericho hooks the Walls. Foley slides in but leaves his feet out of the ropes so Regal makes the save. Jericho and Regal get into it and Foley accidentally cracks Jericho with the chair. Regal takes Foley out and Austin only gets two! And never mind as the Stunner ends this.

Rating: C+. Pretty fun match and the main event of the King of the Ring should be pretty obvious at this point. Regal coming out was pretty clear given how Foley was positioned but I think I can let that slide here. Not a great match but they needed more time and they’ve had better matches before. I can’t think of any right now so maybe they haven’t.

Regal gets the Walls and the Claw to close the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was really more about setting the stage for King of the Ring and that’s fine. The main event of course would be Austin in a triple threat with the Canadians. The idea here is that Austin can barely beat one of them so how can he beat both of them? Well considering Benoit would break his neck in the match and would be out almost a year, that might give you a hint. Anyway good stuff and the Invasion is still building.

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Smackdown
Date: July 4, 2002
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This was a requested show and I don’t really know of anything significant on it other than one match which really wasn’t anything special. Anyway, we’re just barely into the WWE era at this point and we have an Undisputed Champion. Oh wait if that’s the case I think I know why this was a requested show, other than the date that is. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Edge talking about getting hurt in a cage match with Angle. He said he’ll be back and that’s tonight. Jericho came out and laughed at him about it, triggering a brawl. Jericho cracked the shoulder with a chair. Later in the night (or month, it’s not really clear) Jericho was about to do the same to Hogan when Jericho’s own music played. Edge came out for the save in his return. You would think this would lead to a match tonight or at the PPV, but it actually lead to a match at the Smackdown after the PPV, which is a little weird.

I miss the Beautiful People as Smackdown’s theme.

Oh I almost forgot: this is right around the time the company switched from WWF to WWE.

Lillian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. Lance Storm and the UnAmericans cut her off and I think I can hear Finlay being fired from here. Christian asks if the people know why Independence Day is celebrated. It wasn’t the day Will Smith defeated a bunch of aliens you know. Storm tells us what happened back then and about how the Americans went all over the world using its military force where it had no business. Test talks a bit as well. This is going on too long now.

Lance Storm vs. Rikishi

Feeling out process to start and Storm speeds things up. He strikes away and drops down onto the chest on a sunset flip attempt. The other UnAmericans interfere during the Banzai Drop, allowing Test to hit a big boot to Rikishi’s head and knock him to the mat. Storm gets the easy pin. This wasn’t much.

Taker, the Undisputed Champion, is here.

Here’s your historic moment, although it was last week. Kurt Angle issues an open challenge and a young kid debuts and takes the challenge. His name: John Cena.

Stacy goes up to the locker room and Henry answers. She asks if Cena is in there and here he is, in the green trunks and looking like a deer in the headlights. She says Vince wants to see him and he walks off. Stacy likes what she sees.

D-Von/Batista vs. Big Valbowski/Randy Orton

Orton had been around for a few months here but was just a young kid. Batista was the deacon for Reverend D-Von and had debuted last week as well. Orton has hair here. Batista beat up Orton last week so this is the rematch Orton requested. Val (I’m not typing that whole thing) starts against Batista. He tries to take Batista’s knee out but gets run over by a HUGE clothesline.

Off to D-Von and the veterans do some basic stuff. Orton comes in to a screaming girls pop. He’s always had a sweet dropkick. D-Von gets a neckbreaker out of the corner for two. Orton gets beaten down but manages to bring in Val. Venis gets a Blue Thunder Bomb but Batista makes the save.

Orton comes in and hot shots D-Von, but Big Dave (first name unknown at this point) puts him in a fireman’s carry and rolls through it like Kenderson does. That’s a new one. Or old one in this case I guess. Everything breaks down and Orton misses his top rope cross body. The spinebuster ends this. Cole: “Batista is an animal!”

Rating: C-. This was fine and it’s amazing to see guys like this in their very young days. You never know what you might have in any given match and this is proof of it. I’m sure they knew they had something, but I don’t think anyone knew how big they’d be. Somehow, these two pale in comparison to the guy that would be in the next segment though. The match was fine.

Jericho rants to Vince about how Edge came back and stopped him from taking out Hogan for good. Vince says Jericho sounds obsessed with Edge. I’m distracted by a swimsuit shot of Stacy in a thong behind him so I have to rewind it for a bit. Vince makes Jericho vs. Edge at Vengeance, which wouldn’t happen. Instead he would face the guy that comes into the office next.

Here’s Cena who is nervous to meet Vince. Vince says that he liked Cena’s performance last week and introduces him to Jericho. Cena extends his hand politely and Jericho rips him apart, talking about how he’s the first undisputed champion and how Cena needs to show respect. He asks what kind of Ruthless Aggression Cena has so Cena slaps him to the floor.

During a break Jericho demands a match with Cena tonight.

Angle talks about beating Cena last week but he feels even better this week. He’s got a world title shot and is feeling strong. He asks Marc Lloyd if he’s seen the new highlight reel. Angle has beaten up Taker and then made Hogan tap at KOTR. Then last week he threw Taker in the ankle lock for just a few seconds. What better night than the Fourth of July for Angle to win the title right?

Billy and Chuck are gay and have hot dogs. Make the jokes yourselves.

Tag Titles: Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Billy/Chuck

This is the big match from this show. Edge is a Hulkamaniac from when he was a kid so this is his dream match. Hulk vs. Chuck starts us off. Hogan is just crazy over here. It’s an old WWF town so that goes without saying. Chuck hammers him into the corner and it’s off to Billy. Edge comes in and hits an Edge-O-Matic for two. Chuck snaps off a pretty sweet overhead belly to belly for two and control. The fans want Hogan as Edge gets tossed over the top. Rico and Billy try to double team him but Rico kicks Billy by mistake. Edge takes Chuck down in the ring and I want you to notice something here.

Hogan has been on the apron for about four minutes and he’s barely stopped moving. It could be pacing back and forth, it could be clapping for Edge, it could be pointing something out to the referee, it could be shouting for Edge to kick out, it could be trying to get the fans to cheer. He doesn’t just stand there uninterested, and the crowd picks up on that. It’s a very important thing you can do in tag wrestling and it gets the fans to notice you. Cena is really good at this. It’s an old rule that I’ve told you time and time again: if you play to the crowd, they’ll respond to you.

Anyway there’s the hot tag to Hogan and he Hulks Up on the way in. Billy is pounded on (he must be used to muscular men doing that to him by now though) as is Chuck. We get the old school double noggin knocker and it’s a big boot to Billy. Chuck hits a superkick to break up the legdrop and Hogan brings Edge back in with a double clothesline off the top. Rico breaks up the spear so Hogan knocks him down. He crotches Rico on the apron and Edge spears Billy for two. A double big boot and a pair of legdrops to Chuck are enough to give Hogan his first tag title.

Rating: B-. I can’t help but smile at this. This wasn’t supposed to be a serious match and if you get mad about Hogan doing this you miss the point. This was about feeling good and nostalgic and giving Edge a rub. This did all of that and was actually a pretty good tag match on top of that. Hogan as basically the Andre to Edge’s Haku was perfect for him and this was really fun. They would lose the titles in less than three weeks but this was what the whole thing was about and it worked perfectly. Very fun match and moment.

Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Dig that totally generic rock music for Cena! Cena charges in but gets beaten down quickly. He spears Jericho down and pounds away and they go to the floor. Back in the ring Cena hits a slingshot and spinebuster for two. He’s got a fire in his eyes and you can see the star in him if they mold him properly. Jericho heads to the floor and suckers Cena in to take over. He takes too much time coming off the middle rope though and jumps into a dropkick.

Powerslam gets a very close two. He counters the Walls and this a DDT for another two. A corner splash misses for the American and Jericho takes him down with the bulldog. Lionsault misses and Cena hits his second high angle spinebuster for two. However Jericho is too good for him as he backflips out of a belly to back and hits a Flashback (sleeper drop) and pins Cena with his feet on the ropes.

Rating: B. Very fun match here which at the time was shocking. Remember that this is Cena’s second match on TV and he’s taken Jericho and Angle to the limit. They would fight again at Vengeance and Jericho would actually get beaten fairly clean. As a little trivia, to the best of my knowledge, this is the only time that Jericho has ever beaten Cena one on one on TV or PPV. Think about that for a minute. They’ve fought so many times and Jericho only won the first one.

Jericho offers a handshake post match and tries to beat him up but Cena hits the Protobomb and stands tall.

Rey Mysterio is coming.

Here’s a clip from Raw where the NWO and Shawn Michaels said that HHH would be joining the NWO.

We go back to Divas Undressed on Saturday where Torrie won the Golden Thong Award. Stacy says it was because Torrie sleeps with Maven, who was a judge. Torrie said Stacy was sleeping with Vince. Naturally we’re having a bra and panties match to settle things.

Earlier today, Jamie Noble and Nidia celebrate their new found fortune by getting a new truck and a new trailer because Noble’s aunt died. Oh and he has money now that he’s Cruiserweight Champion. Running water almost makes Nidia cry. They break in the bed.

Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson

Bra and panties remember. What do you want me to say here? They try to do some moves, most of them don’t work, they strip each other, they’re both hot, Torrie wins. She strips too.

We get a recap of the ladder match from Monday with Jeff vs. Taker, which I need to get to someday. Hardy got destroyed over and over again but he kept getting up after the match. Taker hit a Last Ride and Hardy got up again, saying he was still standing. Taker raised his hand and stopped hurting him.

Taker says he’s upset at Vince because Vince said Taker faces Rock at Vengeance whether Taker is still champion or not.

WWE World Title: The Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle

Taker runs over him with power to start and Angle bails to the outside. I think these are both tweeners at this point. Angle keeps trying to run Taker down and it doesn’t work at all. Finally he wakes up and takes it to the mat. Angle celebrates an armdrag and gets kicked to the floor for his troubles. Snake Eyes/big boot combo get two. Angle counters the chokeslam into a German to shift control again.

It turns into a fist fight in the corner with Taker gaining control. Shoulder block puts Kurt down as does a DDT for two. Here comes the Tombstone but Angle slides down and hooks the ankle lock and Taker is in trouble. That gets reversed but an Angle Slam (which looked like it was in slow motion) gets two. Ankle lock on again and Taker’s escape gets a big pop. Chokeslam puts Kurt down but the ankle injury keeps him from immediately covering.

Here’s the almost famous ending. Taker loads up the Last Ride but Angle wraps his legs around Taker’s neck in a triangle choke. Taker bends down into kind of a rollup. The three count hits at the same time that Taker taps (although if you watch very carefully, Taker starts tapping before the three hits. It’s less than half a second though so it’s fair). There’s no winner so there would be a triple threat at Vengeance.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here between two guys that could do big matches like these with ease. Tazz’s eventual line summarizing this was perfect: The Undisputed Title is disputed. If I remember right this was something that happened in a UFC main event and was one of the first signs of WWE paying attention to them. I remember reading that somewhere so it may not be accurate. Anyway, good match.

Overall Rating: A-. Huge and I mean REALLY huge show tonight with all kinds of stuff happening. It’s fascinating to look at these guys at this point and imaging what they would become. Orton is probably the least likely as he had nothing going for him at all. He would injure his shoulder and become a cocky heel and that was all he needed. Anyway, great show and really interesting stuff.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 28, 2001
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 12,477
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

Tonight we keep going with the King of the Ring build and more of Austin vs. the Canadians. I think I vaguely remember this show but I’m not sure. There’s one major thing that happens tonight which is the start of something big and you’ll know what I’m talking about when we get there. The card looks decent so let’s get to it.

We get a video from Smackdown where Benoit and Jericho defended their titles in a TLC match, which I’ve actually reviewed. Here’s the Smackdown if you’re interested:

http://forums.wrestlezone.com/showthread.php?p=3422809#post3422809

It’s a shame we didn’t have the title change here in Calgary. Can you imagine the pop for that?

A courier sent JR a letter earlier today saying Undertaker’s wife would be here tonight. It wasn’t signed. And so it begins. That’s not the big thing I was referencing earlier either.

Here’s Vince to open things up. He doesn’t like being in Calgary and they don’t seem too happy to see him either. Vince talks about how in Canada, French and English can get along and that amazes him. Some people even feel proud to say they’re Canadian. Think that pops the audience much? Vince thinks maybe Canadians are happy to have brought Americans hockey, strong beer, or the word “eh”. However, Americans should never go to Canada.

Cue Jericho….and his mic doesn’t work. Vince: “That must have been a Canadian microphone.” Jericho gets right to the point: he wants Austin for the title and he wants him tonight. Vince declines so Jericho accuses him of wearing a toupee. He brings up Vince being a genetic jackhammer and says that Vince has made two sl***: Stephanie, and his new one: Austin. Vince also is a great singer, and with that we get the always awesome Stand Back video. Vince is ticked so he gives Jericho his title shot. Just not against Austin. It’s against Big Show for the Hardcore Title.

Cue Benoit who says he can’t just “STAND BACK” and let Jericho have all the fun. Benoit says that he should get the match with Austin. He even has more footage from Stand Back night, this part focusing more on Vince’s dancing abilities. Benoit gets to face Rhyno. Whoever is more impressive in their individual matches gets Austin for the title. Somehow this segment took twenty minutes.

Stu Hart (looking like he had no idea where he is) and his family are here.

Hardy Boys vs. Justin Credible/X-Pac

Justin vs. Jeff starts us off and it’s off to their partners a few seconds in. Matt gets crotched on the post and Lita’s evening is ruined according to Heyman. Bronco Buster to Matt. Oh and Eddie is here with the Hardys. When the referee isn’t looking, Lita crotches Pac on the post as payback for her unattended vagina that night. Hot tag brings in Jeff and he cleans house. Eddie breaks up a double superkick, allowing the Hardys to hit their finishers on Pac for the pin.

Rating: C-. Really quick match here but they didn’t get boring or anything. Eddie would be gone after Smackdown due to rehab and so we never found out where this was going. I’d asssume it would be to an eventual Eddie heel turn, possibly with Lita, but there’s no way to really know. Decent match though.

Eddie saves Matt from Albert post match.

Trish and Terri fight over a mirror.

Tajiri is cleaning Regal’s office when Albert comes in and demands a match with Eddie. Regal says ok.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Rhyno goes for the bad ribs immediately, hurting Benoit with a gorilla press drop. Benoit snaps off the rolling Germans and the Crossface but Rhyno grabs the rope. The Gore hits but Benoit rolls to the floor. Benoit fight back and hits the Rolling Germans again but opts for some chops instead of covering. A superplex puts the man beast down for two. The Gore is countered into the Crossface for the tap. This was short but intense. Not enough to rate though.

We recap the Blackman/Trish/Grandmaster thing. Sexay thinks shenanigans of a sexual nature were afoot.

Steve Blackman/Trish Stratus vs. Perry Saturn/Terri

At least the girls look good. Saturn is loopy and Terri is in a skin colored bikini. Nice to see she’s taking this seriously. The men start us off and Saturn hammers him down. The girls come in to wake the crowd up a bit and Trish is just not that good yet. The guys come in again and Blackman dominates. Terri interferes and gets spanked. Catfight time and here’s your major moment: Lance Storm runs in and superkicks Saturn so Blackman can get the pin.

And that was the start of the Invasion.

The match was junk and too short to rate again. It sucked, although the girls looked good.

During the break, Storm ran out of the building, celebrated with Shane, and left in a limo. Paul: “It’s just begun.”

Vince FREAKS on security in the back.

Al Snow is at WWF New York. He talks about his new show: Tough Enough.

Spike and Molly are all lovey dovey in the back. I see why these two never talked. Spike is about to kiss her when Angle comes in. He says it’ll be a mistake and offers them a lesson in the birds of the bees. Spike protests and smacks Angle. Just guess how well that goes for Spike. Molly goes looking for the Dudleys to help Spike but they just happen to run out in front of the Hollies, who beat down the Dudleys. See how simply a story and feud can be made?

After a break the Dudleys are yelling at Spike. Molly is going through a table.

Hardcore Title: Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

Lillian says Jericho is also the IC Champion, which is completely wrong. Jericho lost that title almost two months before this. He runs past Show and gets in the ring first, hitting a baseball slide to take over. A chair shot doesn’t work as Show knocks it away. Remember he’s still banged up from TLC. Show take over with the power game and throws around various metal object.

Jericho manages to dropkick a chair into Show’s knee but is then easily tossed head first into a trashcan. Total dominance so far. Show misses a legdrop onto a trashcan and Jericho gets in a few shots which don’t get him anywhere. Show puts him on the middle rope and picks up the steps. Jericho manages to fire off a dropkick into the steel to knock them into Show’s head and a fast Lionsault gives him his second title at the moment.

Rating: C. I don’t know why but I liked this. Jericho sold like a master and I can actually buy the ending because it puts Jericho over very strong. The finish was clean too, as Jericho didn’t cheat at all to win this, given the structure of the rules. Fun match and I have no idea why I liked it as much as I did, since there certainly isn’t much to it.

Jericho holds up both belts on the stage and turns around into a Gore by Rhyno to give him the Hardcore Title.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Albert

Dig that X-Factor theme. That’s the only good thing they had going for them. Eddie pounds away as fast as he can but Albert catches him and starts using the power. BIG gorilla press puts Eddie down. Eddie gets in a dropkick to the knee but his dive to the floor is caught and Albert rams him into the post. Eddie counters a powerbomb but Albert runs him over again. Lita comes running out as Eddie counters a Baldo Bomb into a rollup for the pin. Too short to rate but Eddie did his usual good stuff. No idea what Lita added to this.

Mick Foley was on the Today Show about his new book which is also a New York Times #1 bestseller. Can you imagine a wrestler today writing a book and having it go to #1 on the New York Times bestseller list? Foley did it TWICE.

We get the first of the Stalking Sara videos where someone is filming Undertaker’s pretty blonde wife at her house. The reveal would be awesome at the time and then would totally fall flat on its face.

The Hollies talk about the tables match and Molly begs to keep Spike from going through the table.

The Canadian Chrises talk about getting the title match tonight when Vince comes in. Both of them have impressed him and they’ve both earned a title shot at Stone Cole. Austin wants to fight them both at the same time but Vince isn’t letting that happen. Benoit gets the shot. Post show Vince wants to know where the Stand Back footage came from. Jericho gives him a pep talk. He wants the first shot and Benoit has no problem with that.

Tajiri broke something in Regal’s office but Vince comes in before he can get fired. Tajiri bows a lot and Vince doesn’t get it. Regal sends Tajiri off to get some coffee for Vince. “Bloody foreigners.” Vince says Austin has a brilliant idea for the main event and tells Regal to make sure to watch, but he won’t say what it is.

Dudley Boys vs. Hollys

This is a tables match. Just the four people in this one so no Spike or Molly, but they’re at ringside. I think you only have to put one person through a table to win. The Hollys take over to start and Crash brings in a table. Bubba prevents Hardcore from powerbombing D-Von through it and JR says he thinks Hardcore was attempting a powerbomb. Was it when he powerbombed D-Von that gave him away Jimbo?

The cousins try to throw Crash into Bubba through a table but instead Bubba moves and Crash just bounces off of it and lands on his head. FREAKING OW MAN!!! What’s Up Hardcore? It’s Table Time but Hardcore dropkicks them down. Not that it matters because there’s a 3D through the table for Hardcore and the win.

Rating: C-. Not bad but nothing to remember. I think this blew off their feud which was a fine little feud that was aired on TV. Why they don’t do more of that I’m not sure, but it was perfectly fine, it brought in some new blood to the tag division (which didn’t stay around but whatever) and it came to a logical conclusion. Now why can’t they do that more often?

The Dudleys try to put Molly through a table so Spike says put me through it instead. For some reason he thinks laying on the table is going to stop them, and I think you know what’s coming. Molly is powerbombed through Spike through the table. Molly keeps asking if Spike is ok as she goes out.

We talk about the semi-huge white elephant in the room: HHH isn’t here. We get a video of him in the office of Dr. James Andrews and him getting the diagnosis. It’ll be six weeks of crutches and then at least four months to heal before we even start rehabilitation. HHH talks about being put in the Walls of Jericho and then collapsing after the match ended. He knows he’ll be back and it was never if he would be back.

The next day was the surgery and I know the timing is bad but my goodness Stephanie is beautiful. This was a bad quad tear because the tear was under the first layer of muscle which made it hard to find. The repair was good though. JR says he’ll be out at least four months, which wound up being closer to seven.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Benoit

I remember this match happening and I fell asleep before it ended so I’ve never seen this all the way through. For some reason Lillian doesn’t introduce them here. Instead the Fink does big match intros. I guess she got the night off for the screw up earlier? Benoit has taped up ribs. Fink’s voice is just perfect. There’s something right about him introducing the world title match.

Austin goes after the bad ribs immediately and Benoit tries for a home run Crossface. Remember we’re in Canada so everything Benoit does gets a big eruption. He chops away but Austin his the Thesz Press. Benoit grabs a Crossface and the place explodes. Austin finally gets a rope and they go to the floor. The challenger gets fired into the steps and we go back into the ring.

Benoit gets a Sharpshooter and it’s in the middle of the ring. The place goes nuts and Benoit pulls him back to the middle of the ring. Austin FINALLY gets a rope and the booing is great. Out to the floor and Austin suplexes Benoit onto the announce table which doesn’t break. There’s an abdominal stretch back in the ring. I think JR’s voice is about to go. Benoit gets it broken due to the referee seeing Austin cheating and here are some rolling Germans.

We go up and Chris looks for a superplex but Austin counters and slams him face first onto the mat. Austin’s superplex gets two. Austin tries a belt shot but Hebner takes it from him. Back in the ring we get a Stunner but Vince is arguing with Hebner. Benoit gets up and clocks Austin with the belt but the count is delayed so it’s only a two. This is REALLY good stuff. Another Stunner attempt is countered into the Crossface but Vince pulls the referee out. Hebner shoves Vince down but Austin gets the ropes again. And then in a HORRIBLE ending, Austin puts the Crossface on and Vince says ring the bell. Yep, they did that.

Rating: B+. Until the ending, this was excellent. I’d love to see these two get twenty five minutes in a PPV main event and let them let it all hang out, but I’ll have to settle for a 12 minute Raw main event instead. Great match which I was getting into 10 years later and knowing the ending. That should say a lot about how great it was.

Jericho comes out and puts Austin in the Walls while Vince is in the Crossface.

Overall Rating: B+. I really liked this show. A lot of stuff happened on it and we get a great main event on top of it. Plus you get the starts of the Stalker and Invasion, which are both pretty big deals. Unfortunately the Invasion would be one of the worst run angles in the history of wrestling if not the worst, so we kind of peaked early. More would come soon enough though. Great show.

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Who do you think it is?  We’ve seen videos for it time after time, but who do you think it is?

My guess:Unfortunately I think it’ll be Jericho or Undertaker.  It’s a shame but I think those are the only realistic options.  Jericho is a guy I wouldn’t mind coming back, but i want him as a face.  HIs heel stuff is entertaining enough, but he comes off like a second class level guy as a heel most of the time.  Losing to Cena like 5000 times didn’t help this.  Taker I’m just over at this point.  Get to 20-0 already so he can retire.

Your thoughts?

The Bash 2009
Date: June 28, 2009
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot to say on this one. The main event is HHH vs. Randy Orton in a 3 Stages of Hell match for the title. This got a lot of ranting because it was more of the same two guys for like the 5th PPV in a row. We also have Punk vs. Hardy for the title and something I’m most interested in as Cena fights Miz. Miz had come to Raw in the draft and started imitating Cena in some hilarious stuff. Cena ignored him but is finally accepting the challenge here tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the main matches including Jericho vs. Mysterio in a mask vs. title match which I forgot to mention. Of course the most is about HHH vs. Orton but that’s expected I guess.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Finlay

This is a Scramble match which is more or less a gauntlet. Every three minutes someone else comes in and whoever gets the final pin is champion but you have to pin the champion for the pin to count. Uh…sure. Christian and Swagger start us off. Wow it’s weird to see Swagger as champion before Christian. I miss the pushups.

Ok so if Swagger pins Christian he’s IT more or less? I guess that makes sense. I’m assuming that there will be a clock once everyone comes in. Striker implies a heel turn for Christian but nothing ever came for that. The clock begins far before three minutes is up and it’s Finlay. Striker talks about Irishmen from centuries ago as no one cares at all. Swagger pokes Finlay in the eye and rolls him up to become IT.

Christian and Swagger do a nice little sequence that gets two for the Canadian. He beats Christian down as Dreamer is number four. Dreamer beats up everyone with incredibly basic stuff but throws out a Sky High. Ok apparently it’s not Swagger that has to lose the title as it’s just the last pin. Uh…that kind of makes sense I suppose.

They blow a spot where Christian is on the mat and Dreamer gets thrown onto him. It just looked really awkward. Finlay finally comes back to life and hits the Celtic Cross on Swagger to become IT. Finlay and Dreamer don’t work well together to put it mildly. And here’s Henry to suck the life out of the match. Ok so now we have five minutes left and whoever gets the last fall is champion. Got it.

Dreamer takes the World’s Worst Finisher with 4:15 to make Henry IT. Everyone not named Dreamer beats Henry up and the people start booing for some reason. Finlay hits a freaking suicide dive onto Swagger. Have to love old men flying all over the place. Henry teases a top rope dive but for the sake of the gravitational pull, Swagger saves him and gets the pin to become it with about 2:20 to go.

I like knowing how much longer to go at times and this is one of them. Christian hits the Killswitch on Swagger but Dreamer DDTs him at 1:20 to become IT. It becomes a big mess now which makes sense at least. On instinct Dreamer goes for a cover which they don’t point out the stupidity of. Everyone goes for covers but the clock runs out and Dreamer retains. He screams “I WON???” in a funny moment.

Rating: C+. These matches are hard to call but I liked it. Thankfully they haven’t killed them by having them every two weeks or something like that. This still feels fresh though and it comes off as a good way to be different. Also it makes Dreamer look like a competent champion and not a jobber which I can’t complain about. This worked but was still a little bit weird.

Cena/Vince razor commercial. Be careful: cutting hair off your face could be un-PG.

Edge comes to see Teddy Long and complains about not being on the card. Somehow this takes like two minutes.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

And if Rey loses he has to unmask forever….again. Does anyone else think some of Rey’s masks look like Klansmen hoods? This feud more or less brought the title back to life as it was the wrestler’s title again instead of just a stupid prop for guys like Santino. We’re told Rey has never wrestled a match without his mask and then are told he had to earn it after he started wrestling. I love continuity issues in WWE.

Jericho goes straight for the mask which is a very nice touch as instead of just trying to beat him he’s being pure evil and trying to humiliate and end Rey. I love that. Jericho does that slingshot into the bottom rope which is a nice move. All Jericho so far. He hooks a crossface chickenwing of all things which is a nice throwback.

You can tell these two have a lot of chemistry as they’re flowing very well. It’s odd hearing Ross clearly getting ticked off so easily as it’s clear he’s not liking having to more or less mentor Grisham when he thinks he should be the top guy. Jericho shouts at the referee to ASK HIM. Nicely done. Aww that’s so cute: they still think Rey won the Rumble and the world title. It never ceases to amaze me how they can’t tell him apart from Eddie. They look nothing alike.

Rey hits a seated senton to the floor but might have hurt his knee. He’s finally on offense though as he’d been dominated for about 6 minutes or so. Jericho catches a springboard into a powerslam. It’s always cool when wrestlers use something different than their usual stuff. You’re allowed to mix it up at times and it makes things better when you do so. Allegedly Rey has always been the smaller guy in every match he’s ever had. That’s not surprisingly actually.

Jericho gets the Walls, more or less guaranteeing a lack of a submission. When’s the last time he won a match with that? And shockingly enough Rey gets to the ropes. That move has less heat than Vickie’s vagina. 619 misses and Jericho takes his head off with a clothesline. He then blocks a rana into a powerbomb.

Rey has gotten blocked every single time here and it’s been great. Lionsault misses and I mean actually misses instead of him landing on his feet. Codebreaker gets two as the crowd is WAY into this and for good reason. Jericho and Rey go up top and Jericho just kind of falls backwards. Uh, ok? 619 hits but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Walls again. And of course they don’t work as we get a pinfall reversal sequence.

In a GREAT ending that throws back to the Extreme Rules match, Jericho rips the mask off again but Rey has ANOTHER mask on underneath so while Jericho is expecting him to stop dead he keeps going to hit the 619 and springboard splash for the IC Title. THAT is what I mean when I say great storytelling and psychology.

Rating: A+. This was a VERY well booked match that I’d bet a large sum of money on Jericho and Rey planning the majority of. The ending there was downright inspired and showed Rey outsmarting Jericho and capitalizing on it. The match being awesome helped a lot too as these two just can go out there and nail it every time with this being no exception. Screw it this is an A+.

We recap Trump buying Raw and having the commercial free Raw and tricking Vince into paying into giving him back his original money back doubled. That’s a great deal. This also started the guest host concept.

HHH is getting ready.

Jericho wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Long says in a month it’ll be five years as GM. That’s insane when you think about how many GMs Raw has had and how Bischoff is the longest reigning one.

We recap Dolph Ziggler vs. Great Khali, which more or less is Ziggler trying to get noticed and continuously hurting Khali with a chair or winning by countout or something like that.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is a street fight for all intents and purposes. I love Runjin Singh. His sideburns have powers I think. Ziggler’s music is perfect. Actually make that perfection. Also he’s apparently moved from Hollywood, Florida to Hollywood, California. His look is great until his hair gets all puffy and then he looks like Curt Hennig which is a compliment.

Of course Ziggler gets beaten down early, including taking the chop that pinned Cena back in 07 or so but since Khali is a jobber to the stars now it’s just a regular move. Khali is just scary huge. I’ve seen him live and he’s absolutely massive. And then he chops the post to get himself in trouble. Dolph grabs a chair which is fine here and he wisely goes for the knee. At least he’s thinking.

We get the bowling shoe analogy about Khali and I roll my eyes. He’s 7’4 and 450lbs. What the heck are you expecting him to do? And here comes Kane for no adequately explained reason. Ziggler beats the heck out of Khali’s knee as Kane is coming and then Kane goes semi-Austin at Mania 17 on Khali. And then Ziggler gets the pin. This went nowhere.

Rating: D+. It’s your standard David vs. Goliath here and that’s all it was supposed to be. The key thing here is that Ziggler has a huge win by pinfall that in this match is perfectly legal. He’s never really gotten a big push, but he started feuding with Rey just after this so that’s something I guess.

Vince comes in to talk to Teddy and says he’s done nothing as GM. Apparently even Adamle was a better GM. The thing about Long is that he’s the only GM other than maybe Bischoff that seems like an actual bureaucrat which is what a GM is supposed to be. He’s an authority figure, not a fighter. I like him but that’s just me.

12 Rounds is coming to DVD.

Unified Tag Titles: Colons vs. Legacy

There’s something VERY sexy about the way Lillian says Carlito. The Colons are faces here and we’re on Legacy’s 9th theme song this month I believe, although they would wind up keeping this one permanently I believe. And here’s Teddy Long. He makes it a triple threat match, adding in the new team of Chris Jericho and Edge.

Unified Tag Titles: Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Colons vs. Legacy

The original two teams won’t let Jericho and Edge in to start which is a nice bit of thinking. Carlito and Ted start and Carlito does a gorgeous moonsault off the top. The team that speaks Spanish has the belts here. They’re trying to keep Edge and Jericho out of the ring, I’m assuming betting they’ll win if they get in, which is kind of odd for faces to be all scared like that. I think the fans are chanting for Christian of all people.

This is similar to the Horsemen/Dungeon of Doom match from Bash at the Beach 96 where Benoit and Anderson knew the Giant would destroy them if he came in so they wouldn’t let him in. It made sense and this does as well. Primo gets a nice rollup on Rhodes for two. It’s so strange hearing Orton talked about as being so hated a mere year ago and 9 months before he was the hottest thing in the world. Cody hooks an inverted Gory Special that looks awesome.

The fans love Edge here which is rather odd indeed. Jericho takes Primo out with a Codebreaker and we have Edge vs. fired guy. Carlito misses it though and Rhodes gets a backstabber. A spear gives the Canadians the belts after being in the match all of 20 seconds combined. As I type that, Lawler says it. At least I wasn’t imagining it.

Rating: B. While the wrestling wasn’t anything spectacular, the thought process here was perfect. They planned this one out very well and it made perfect sense which is a great thing in my eyes. They knew they couldn’t stop Edge or Jericho so they kept them out as long as they could. That’s smart booking and it worked just fine.

Ad for Night of Champions, which we’ve already done.

Orton yells at Legacy for losing the title match but says the important thing is keeping the WWE Title. DiBiase gets on Orton for not caring about them.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina was just freaking stunning at this point once she dyed her hair black. Michelle was getting there too and she has Alicia with her here for reasons that I’m sure don’t mean anything. For some reason I like Michelle’s music. Melina comes out hot. And she’s being intense too. Michelle can actually work pretty well.

She hooks a hold where Melina’s foot is touching Melina’s head from behind. DANG that girl is flexible. Ok five minutes have passed but I’m back now. Melina’s knee is hurt of course as it always is. Michelle kicks her head off for two. That sounded very painful indeed. Styles Clash gives Michelle the title.

Rating: C-. It did its job. This was just supposed to be an appetizer to the remainder of the show and that’s what it did. And I think that’s enough padding to say that the girls looked great here and that was the whole point to this.

Do not try this at home. Try it at the Supermarket.

We recap Punk vs. Hardy, which I did like 3 days ago so go find the Extreme Rules review so I don’t have to type it again. Punk used MITB to steal the belt. There you go you freaking SLACKERS. Punk’s reasoning really was great: I did this before and you cheered. Now you boo. I love that.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

Jeff is paintless. Well sweet goodness. Punk starts by doing one of the worst spot calls I’ve ever seen. He has a headlock on and leans over to Hardy’s head and can be heard whispering. Wow. Well at least you couldn’t hear him, unlike at the 99 Rumble where HHH was heard shouting IF I THROW YOU OVER CAN YOU HOLD ON?

Jeff has to start his own chant. That’s rather funny but it dies before I laugh. Oh great: poker analogies. That’s exactly what I want to hear. GTS is reversed as you would expect it to. Punk is dominating here and puts on a figure four headlock. That’s not one you see every day. Or night which is the time most wrestling shows occur. The Whisper in the Wind is freaking pretty. It truly is.

This turns into a striking match which of course Punk dominates but the “Twist of Fate” ends that. Swanton misses though as Punk sits up. Why he doesn’t just lay on him is anyone’s guess. I’ve never liked that hitch in this guy’s count. It’s very annoying. Jeff sets for the Swanton, which is clear because he shouts SWANTON, and it gets the pin. Shame Punk’s foot was under the rope so they have to wave it off.

Punk goes for GTS and Hardy elbows out of it, but Punk takes one in the eye. And the referee checks it, so Punk kicks the referee to get the DQ. Hardy’s look is great as he just looks completely crushed and looks as if he’s thinking are you freaking kidding me? Or maybe he’s wondering where his crack pipe is. It’s hard to tell with him. Post match Hardy yells at Punk that he did it on purpose and here they go again.

Rating: B. Good match here but it was all to set up the angle at the end which began his heel turn which made him into what he is today. This was a good match though as these two had solid chemistry together and they made things work well for the ending. I liked it, but then again I’m a huge Punk fan.

The Colons are ticked at Teddy over the title thing, which of course makes sense. This is pointless.

Orton is on the phone and is trying to get hold of Cody.

We get clips of Rev Theory doing a concert for the fans today. That’s kind of cool.

We recap Miz vs. Cena, which was a great setup for a feud with Miz constantly claiming he was winning matches when Cena didn’t show up to answer his challenges. The key thing here was Miz never once came off as cowardly here. He called out the top dog and never once looked back. That’s all you can ask for and people actually wanted to see this match. I certainly did.

The Miz vs. John Cena

This is Miz’s first major singles feud as he and Morrison had just recently split so he really did start at the top. The fans are rather split here which is a nice sign. Cena is just doing very basic stuff here and it’s working quite well. Cena goes for a backdrop and gets kicked in the face. He snaps up and shakes his head. Sure why not.

Miz works on the neck which is still hurt from Batista apparently. Miz gets some control in actually which is the best thing he can do. And the Cena fights back and the usual stuff ends it. It was short and not terribly painful.

Rating: D. That’s just for the wrestling mind you as it was more or less a Raw match and nothing more. Now when this first happened, I hated it. However since then I’ve cooled down on it a good bit. This wasn’t what I wanted, but it was fine. Remember that this was Miz’s coming out party so he needed to look good. This wasn’t as bad as it came off as back then, but that could be because Miz has done very well since then. Bad match, but Miz came off pretty well as far as credible goes.

We recap HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other and it’s about the McMahons. Yeah that’s all there is to it more or less. It was such a boring feud as no one cared for the most part as they were looking for these epic matches but they never came off as such. That and three Last Man Standing matches are about as much overkill as you could possibly have. Ok we’re at three minutes for this stupid video package now. WE GET IT! We also get Vince announcing the match for the fourth time.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is champion. First fall is regular, second is falls count anywhere, third is a stretcher match which is stupid but whatever. Cole thinks this is more or less a 2/3 falls match. WHAT ANALYSIS! They tried forever to get this feud to work and it just never really worked. They of course start all physical and such because they HATE EACH OTHER. Yeah even I can’t take this match seriously at all.

Stephanie is going to be out of a job soon with how hard the announcers are sucking HHH”s balls. The first fall here really does mean nothing because it’s not going to end the match. That’s the problem with 2/3 falls matches in general: rarely do they not go three falls so you don’t have to pay attention to the opening part. It’s the same thing with an iron man match. And HHH cracks Orton in the head with a chair for the DQ then hammers him with it like Austin on Rock.

Pay no attention to the fact that it’s falls count anywhere and not a street fight so that should be another DQ but the timing doesn’t fit that. Cole is JUST figuring out HHH’s strategy which is about as obvious as birds like to fly. A Pedigree on the floor ties us up as HHH gets praised for brilliance. Dude Scott Steiner did that before. How smart can it be?

So now it’s a stretcher match for the title. Just end it now as you can smell Legacy from here. So since this is about a stretcher we’re fighting in the crowd since it’s barely 10:30 and we’re in the final fall. They break apart the barrier and just keep fighting at ringside. They’ve been doing this for almost 5 minutes now but there’s no drama obviously and no one seems to care.

Hey let’s go in the ring now to kill some more time. They use the steps a lot and nothing of note is happening at all. Why is it not of note? Because they haven’t been trying for the stretcher. They finally do something and of course it doesn’t work. I’m just wanting this to end at this point. Orton does the elevated DDT off the stretcher to the floor. That would look good if I cared about this match. The punt misses and apparently Orton kicked the stretcher.

HHH gets the advantage on top of the stage and has him inches away and here’s Cody. HHH beats him up. Here’s DiBiase who he was mad at earlier, beating HHH up for no apparent reason and throwing away the earlier thing. Shawn is on hiatus here so HHH is all alone. He had a sledgehammer hidden….somewhere on the stage and blasts Legacy with it.

Orton just takes part of the stage and blasts HHH with it for the win. AWFUL main event. Orton poses, HHH hits him with the sledgehammer, guaranteeing us ANOTHER PPV match from these two.

Rating: F+. So the stretcher match part was just them beating each other up for about 15 minutes so that Legacy could run in. Again, these two just cannot have a good match. Period. They simply can’t do it, and yet they kept being shoved down our throats time after time and the people were SICK of it. This was just awful as the stretcher thing was idiotic. This isn’t Memphis. A feud doesn’t need to go on this long.

Overall Rating: C+. That grade took awhile to arrive at. The problem is that the main event and the last nearly 30 minutes just suck the freaking life out of this thing. HHH vs. Orton was one of the worst feuds you could ever imagine as it was just so painfully boring.

The matches weren’t always awful, but they were just not interesting in the slightest. Other than that though, the show is rather good. Rey vs. Jericho is must see and there are other good matches throughout. Check this show out, but don’t watch the main event. It will haunt you.

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