Best Of Haku
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon, Duke Doherty, Jim Duggan, Sean Mooney, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Scott Hudson

I’ve got a huge list of things from the WWE Vault to look at so I might as well do one of the scariest people in wrestling history. Haku is the definition of a solid career midcard guy and that is something you don’t see enough of today. I’m curious about what is going to be included here and that’s a nice feeling to have. Let’s get to it.

We get the usual quick opening video.

From New York City, New York, June 14, 1986.

King Tonga vs. Big John Studd

Bobby Heenan is here with Studd and Tonga wants his $15,000 for recently slamming Studd (a running thing for him) but gets knocked away instead. Studd slams him at the bell and stomps away but Tonga is back up rather quickly. Some slam attempts are blocked and Studd drops him again for an elbow. The chinlock goes on as commentary praises the camera looking at Heenan. Tonga fights up and kicks away, including a dropkick to stagger Studd. Another slam attempt sees them both crash out to the floor for the double countout at 3:49.

Rating: C. Not the best start to the collection, but Tonga oddly worked as a good guy. They did have a nice story going with the battle over the slam and Tonga was right there to fight against the monster. Studd wasn’t the most active in the ring but he knew how to wrestle like a big man, which is a difficult skill to use. Better than I was expecting here.

Post match they brawl on the floor for a few minutes, with Heenan not being sure what to do. Tonga gets in the ring and dances at Studd to try and get him back, with Studd getting inside to go at it again. A big headbutt drops Studd and the villains bail.

From New York City, New York, August 22, 1987.

Haku vs. Rick Martel

Off to the better known name now, with Tama (Rikishi’s brother, Usos/Solo Sikoa’s uncle, Jacob Fatu’s father) here in Haku’s corner and no partner for Martel. Apparently he realizes that’s a problem though and runs to the back to get Tito Santana, with the team being dubbed Strike Force.

Actually hold on as the referee ejects Tama and Santana so this can be a singles match. Haku jumps him to start so they run the ropes, with Martel hitting a crossbody. A headknocker knocks Haku’s head but he’s back with a cheap shot to drop Martel for a change. Martel hits a dropkick into a flying headscissors for two and a snapmare brings Haku down again.

Back up and Haku knocks him back down, followed by the slam (a theme with him) and a reverse chinlock. Martel fights up and hits the spinning middle rope crossbody for two, only to get launched out to the floor. Back in and Martel sends him into the corner and starts striking away. A monkey flip sends Haku flying again but he knocks Martel right back down. Cue Tama with a chair to Martel to give Haku the easy pin at 8:18.

Rating: C+. The more I see of Martel, the better he seems. He was so talented in pretty much every aspect of wrestling and that was on display here, as he made a heck of a fired up comeback. The teams would wind up having some rather nice matches (shocking I know) but this worked well as a singles match for a change.

Post match the Islanders beat Martel down but Santana runs in for the save.

From New York City, New York, September 21, 1987.

Islanders vs. Strike Force

Bobby Heenan is here with the Islanders and Strike Force, now with matching gear and Girls In Cars, run in for the brawl to start fast and the fans are rather pleased as the Islanders are knocked outside. A dropkick sends Tama outside and it’s time to hide in the ropes rather than go for the fight.

Back in and Santana works on Tama’s arm, followed by a clothesline as Heenan is panicking at ringside. The armdrag sets up an armbar, which goes on for a good while. Santana’s armdrag means it’s another armbar but Haku knocks him up against the ropes for a change. That allows Tama to come back in for an elbow to the face, followed by Haku’s front facelock. Tama’s nerve hold does about the same but Santana fights up and gets over for the tag to Martel, meaning the comeback can quickly ensue.

A crossbody hits Tama and everything breaks down, with the Islanders being sent into each other. Haku gets in a cheap shot on Martel though and gets to come back in and stomp on the ropes. Well on Martel on the ropes but close enough. Tama misses a middle rope headbutt though and the tag brings in Santana…but the referee doesn’t see it. That lets Haku drop a headbutt and steal the pin at 13:59.

Rating: B. Yeah this worked, with Strike Force both knowing how to do the big comeback, which had the fans more than behind them. At the same time, the Islanders were a good heel team who knew how to work this style. The cheating ending makes it even better and I could go for a rematch.

From Wrestlemania VII.

Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers

Well we’re only skipping three and a half years and Bobby Heenan is outside. Michaels and Haku start things off with Haku powering him into the corner. An attempted jump over the top doesn’t really work so Michaels has him run the ropes until a flying shoulder can put Haku down for a change. Jannetty comes in for the double elbow but the Barbarian clotheslines both of them down.

That earns him a double superkick (serves him right for coming in without a tag) and Heenan wants to talk for a bit. We settle down to Jannetty trying a sunset flip on Barbarian, who misses a right hand to the mat instead. Back up and Michaels adds a dropkick to the back to knock Barbarian into a hurricanrana.

That just earns Jannetty a double headbutt and another hurricanrana attempt is countered into an assisted hot shot (that looked great). The gorilla press drops Jannetty again and Haku gets in a cheap shot from the apron. Barbarian knocks him down again and grabs a bearhug, leaving Michaels to play cheerleader.

Jannetty fights out and is promptly powerslammed, only for Barbarian’s top rope headbutt to miss. That’s enough for the tag off to Michaels, who gets to clean house in a hurry. A sunset flip gets two on Haku as everything breaks down. Barbarian gets superkicked/dropkicked to the floor, leaving Jannetty to missile dropkick Haku. Michaels adds a high crossbody (and a nice one at that) for the pin at 10:33.

Rating: B-. The heat on Jannetty went on a bit too long but the Rockers could work that fast paced style comeback as well as anyone. You put an easy to like speed team against an imposing power team. That’s about as basic of a wrestling style as you can get and it worked rather well here with a fast paced opener. Nice stuff, shockingly enough for a match involving four skilled pros.

From WrestleFest 91.

Haku vs. British Bulldog

They take turns backing each other into the ropes to start and then Bulldog flips out of a wristlock. Haku goes to the face and hits a running shoulder, only to get dropkicked out to the floor. This gives us the odd visual of Haku requesting time out before coming back inside, where he is knocked down again.

Bulldog grabs a sleeper of all things before drop toeholding him into an armbar. That’s broken up as well and Haku knocks him down, followed by a piledriver for two. The chinlock goes on for a bit, with Bulldog fighting up and hitting a crossbody for two of his own. Haku knocks him right back into the chinlock, with Bulldog breaking out even faster this time. An elbow to the face gives Bulldog two but he’s right back with a crucifix for the pin at 7:52.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure why this needed to be on there but at least another singles match got included here. This was the kind of match that kept Haku employed for such a long time, as he was able to feel like enough of a threat to Bulldog, who got a win over a tough opponent. It wasn’t the greatest match, but it was basically Haku’s bread and butter kind of match.

From Great American Bash 1995.

US Title: Meng vs. Sting

And we skip another three and a half years. For the vacant title and kind of the finals (originally a semifinal, but the other semifinal didn’t have a winner and triple threats weren’t a big deal yet (thank goodness) so the semifinal is now a final. Meng (who has Colonel Robert Parker in his corner) backs him into the corner to start and unloads with some clubberin.

Sting gets choked down but comes back with a jumping kick to the chest (likely a mistimed dropkick) and a dropkick to send him into the corner for a change. Parker gets Meng outside for a chat, with the advice seemingly being “beat him up some more”, with Meng striking away in the corner.

Sting gets knocked out to the floor and sent into the barricade, followed by a sitout powerbomb for two back inside. The nerve hold goes on for a bit before Meng blocks a sunset flip by simply kicking Sting in the head. That means another nerve hold, which brings Sting up for a comeback. That’s cut off as well, with Meng hitting a middle rope headbutt for two.

Some running clotheslines put Meng down and the hair grab bulldog does it again. A Cactus Clothesline sends them outside, with Sting going after Parker. The angered Meng misses a charge into the post and it’s the Scorpion Deathlock back inside. Meng breaks it up so Sting goes up top for a clothesline. One heck of a top rope splash gives Sting two and a jumping DDT (never seen him use that before) finishes Meng for the title at 13:36.

Rating: B-. This was, again, the exact kind of match that Meng specialized in and probably his most high profile singles match ever. While it would have made more sense as a semifinal before Sting could face a bigger name, it was Sting surviving against a monster and coming from behind to win. It might not have been Vader but it was the Vader formula and that worked well.

From Monday Nitro, February 24, 1997.

Faces Of Fear vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chris Jericho

That would be Meng/Barbarian again (with Jimmy Hart (wearing a Jimmy Hart tie)), as they’re kind of a natural pairing. Barbarian chokes Jericho into the corner to start but misses the Kick Of Fear (big boot). Jericho kicks the knee out and brings in Guerrero, who is launched into the air for a nasty looking crash back down. Meng (who is looking a good bit bigger) comes in and gets taken down with a headscissors.

A double backdrop puts Meng down and Jericho hits a backsplash for two. That’s fine with Meng, who belly to back suplexes Jericho silly, allowing Barbarian to hit a release overhead belly to belly. Jericho hits a spinning high crossbody to put Meng down and we hit the choking. Meng backdrops Jericho into Barbarian’s powerbomb (that always looked great) for two more and the beating continues.

Jericho finally gets in a poisonrana and it’s back to Guerrero to pick up the pace. A pop up dropkick hits Barbarian and a double suplex puts him down again. Jericho tries a Lionsault but gets pulled outside. That leaves Guerrero to go up top but cue Dean Malenko to shove him into Barbarian’s big boot for the pin at 7:42 (a big deal as Guerrero is US Champion).

Rating: B. I for one am shocked that Guerrero and Jericho could get together and have a good match against a regular team. The Faces Of Fear were a great choice for a pair of monsters, which is why they were put in this spot in both major promotions. It worked well here and while the opponents helped, those power moves were rather awesome.

From Monday Nitro, March 15, 1999.

Meng vs. Jerry Flynn

Meng jumps him to start but misses a charge into the corner. Flynn strikes away and a clothesline…just makes Meng mad. A powerslam puts Flynn down but he grabs a quickly broken ankle lock (Meng grabbing the ropes doesn’t feel right). Back up and Meng knocks him down again but Flynn pulls on a cross armbreaker. That’s broken up as well and they strike it out again, with Flynn hitting a Thesz press of all things. The spinning kick misses for Flynn though and the Tongan Death Grip finishes for Meng at 4:10.

Rating: C+. As usual, I was disappointed when I read the name wrong as Flynn is…I have no idea why he was around so often. This was more about Meng being the big bulldozer kind of unstoppable monster and it fit him rather well. Having him shrug off everything else and win with the Tongan Death Grip was fine, but it just wasn’t that thrilling of a match.

From Sin.

Hardcore Title: Meng vs. Crowbar vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending. We’re joined in progress (I think) with Funk knocking Crowbar through the backstage hallways and into the women’s room (of course). Funk hits him with every stall door and Daffney screams a lot, only for Meng to pop up and wreck Funk with a trashcan. They go back into the arena, where Funk and Crowbar get smart and double team Meng.

They take turns ramming each other into a metal door until a bunch of tables are knocked onto Meng. Funk throws a chair at Crowbar’s head and gets blasted with a fire extinguisher. Crowbar rams him into a table and climbs a balcony to legdrop him through said table. Meng is back with trashcan shots so Crowbar bails up to the stage. A chop off goes badly for Crowbar, who gets knocked down the ramp, only for Funk to blast Meng in the back with a shovel.

Funk sets up a piece of barricade on the regular barricade and then hits Meng with the shovel again. Funk slams Crowbar through the barricade but Crowbar is right back up to Pillmanize Funk’s legs. A running dropkick takes out Funk’s leg and Crowbar puts on a Figure Four, even with Meng hammering on him at the time. Meng goes up top with a splash to Crowbar for the save, followed by a piledriver.

Funk makes the save (that can’t be smart), earning himself a middle rope splash from Meng. Crowbar makes the save and he and Funk unload on Meng with chair shots to FINALLY put him down for two. A DDT puts Meng down again and Crowbar chairs Funk in the head. Meng knocks Crowbar silly and Tongan Death Grips Funk for the win at 11:24.

Rating: B-. The point here was “Meng is an unstoppable monster and can’t be hurt”, with the other two there to be all over the top and insane. It worked, as usual, as this was kind of the final evolution of Meng. He had a reputation of being the toughest wrestler ever and then he was turned into an even more unstoppable monster. It would take something special to screws him up and…yeah of course WCW managed to do so.

How? Well just after this he would jump back to the WWF, with the title, because why make sure you have an active champion under contract?

Overall Rating: B-. Haku is not someone who was going to have all kinds of classic matches or memorable moments or all that jazz. He was never a main eventer or really anything more than a midcard monster. What he was though is a great example of a role player. You know EXACTLY what you’re getting with Meng and he does that kind of work very, very well. That was on full display here, as he mainly stayed around the same area of the card (save for the hardcore stuff) and was incredibly consistent. That’s a hard thing to find in wrestling and Haku did it rather well.

 

 

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Goldberg’s Rookie Year
Commentators: Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Lee Marshall, Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

Here’s what could be an interesting concept, as it’s another situation where the name tells you exactly what to expect. Here we have a look back at an important time for Goldberg’s career, as the debut was so impactful and it just grew from there. I’m curious to see how well he grew in the short span so let’s get to it.

From Saturday Night, October 11, 1997. This would be very shortly after Goldberg’s WCW debut so he’s a brand new concept.

Bill Goldberg vs. Roadblock

Roadblock is a big man with something of a construction gimmick (it went about as well as you would expect). Some early forearms and clotheslines don’t do much to Goldberg but Roadblock is certainly laying the shots in. Goldberg wants him to bring it and then rolls him down into a legbar. That’s broken up so Goldberg drops him with a big jumping shoulder. A belly to belly puts Goldberg down for two but he’s right back with a jumping spinwheel kick. The yet to be named Jackhammer finishes Roadblock at 2:19. This was a different style from Goldberg, as he was still just a guy with surprising talent rather than the killing machine.

From Main Event, December 13, 1997. Because WCW, some of the graphics in the arena say WCW Pro, because the shows were taped in the same venue and they didn’t bother to change them.

Bill Goldberg vs. Manny Fernandez

Not that Manny Fernandez. Goldberg double legs him down and chokes in the corner, followed by a backbreaker. A right hand drops Fernandez again and Goldberg gives him a quick fisherman’s neckbreaker. The Jackhammer (named) finishes at 2:26. Much more of a squash here, as Goldberg is starting to put some things together.

From Starrcade 1997.

Bill Goldberg vs. Steve McMichael

They start brawling in the aisle and Goldberg whips out a table. That’s leaned up against the post and Goldberg gets inside for the opening bell. McMichael jumps him for a fast side slam but Goldberg hits the flying shoulder for two. They go outside with McMichael hammering away but Goldberg punches him out of the air back inside.

Goldberg goes after the leg and then loads up the table at ringside. Back in and Goldberg can’t quite slam him over the top due to the referee actually getting involved, allowing McMichael to fall on him instead. That doesn’t work for Goldberg, who forearms him off the apron and through the table for a huge spot in 1997 WCW. The Jackhammer finishes McMichael at 5:59.

Rating: C-. Yeah there’s just not much to be said about McMichael’s time in the ring, as he was a good talker and fight the idea of a Horsemen, but that was about it. It was nice to see Goldberg have an actual feud against a name though, as you’re only going to get so far with the squashes. Now just find something better for him after this.

From Saturday Night, January 31, 1998.

Goldberg vs. Meng

Jimmy Hart is here with Meng. An early clothesline doesn’t do much to Meng so Goldberg takes him down by the leg instead. Meng strikes away but gets caught in a spinebuster as we hear about a potential WCW toughman (hardcore for all intent and purpose) division. The fans are way behind Goldberg as Meng comes back with some hard chops as commentary hypes up an audio show airing on the internet, which was a big deal back then. It didn’t last long, but the internet getting some attention was a huge change.

Goldberg’s comeback is countered with a belly to back suplex but more chops just get on Goldberg’s nerves. A headbutt has some more impact for Meng so Goldberg fights up again. For some reason Goldberg stops to yell at the referee though, meaning it’s a boot to the face to put him down again. You can see Goldberg getting winded as he tries for a powerslam, which results in Meng going head first into the mat. Hart tries to come in but gets thrown down, leaving Goldberg to hit a bad spear on Meng. The Jackhammer gives Goldberg the win at 7:17.

Rating: D+. They had something with the idea of Goldberg having to face someone who could be a physical match for him, but my goodness it got ugly when Goldberg was winded. The problem here was that Goldberg still wasn’t ready to have a match this long and you could see the cardio issues. The idea was there, but the execution really wasn’t and that hurt a lot.

From Saturday Night, February 7, 1998.

Goldberg vs. Disco Inferno

Well the battle of theme songs goes to Inferno. Before the match, Inferno asks if the fans want to see him dance and then doesn’t do what they request. Well then why ask? If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s an illogical comedy heel. Inferno hides to start and gets taken down by a…I think it was supposed to be a leg trip but they botched the heck out of the timing. Goldberg’s gorilla press powerslam puts Inferno down but he comes back with some forearms, actually managing to slug away in quite the surprising display. Goldberg isn’t having that of course and spears him into the Jackhammer for the pin at 1:48.

From Saturday Night, February 21, 1998.

Goldberg vs. Jerry Flynn

Well we had to get this match in here somewhere. Goldberg knocks him to the floor to start fast but Flynn is back with a kick to the leg. Flynn takes him to the mat and grabs the leg, only for Goldberg to switch places and hammer away. Flynn’s kneebar is broken just as quickly so he kicks away, earning a gorilla press powerslam. The spear and Jackhammer finish at 2:07. This was more like it for Goldberg, as he had to fight through some adversity before getting the win.

From SuperBrawl VIII.

Goldberg vs. Brad Armstrong

Armstrong circles him a bit and gets caught with a quick full nelson. The rolling kneebar works better (Goldberg must have been practicing) as Heenan says Goldberg is the only wrestler who could get him out of managing retirement. The gorilla press powerslam sets up an overhead belly to belly as we’re firmly in squash territory. Armstrong’s Russian legsweep has no effect so Goldberg gives him a pumphandle toss. The usual puts Armstrong away at 2:24. Total squash of course, though I’m not sure why they went in this direction for a pay per view. It seems like a step back for Goldberg, which is an odd choice.

From Monday Nitro, March 30, 1998.

Goldberg vs. Ray Traylor

We get the first mention of the streak, which is now at 66-0. The fans are behind Goldberg and rather impressed as he powers Traylor into the corner to start. Traylor’s right hands don’t do much good so they yell at each other…and Goldberg head fakes him to hit a clothesline in a great move. Traylor is back with the spinebuster, which makes Goldberg pop up. The spear and Jackhammer (nice one too) finish for Goldberg at 2:20.

From Saturday Night, May 16, 1998.

US Title: Goldberg vs. Yuji Nagata

Nagata, with Sonny Onoo, is challenging and we’re at 84-0. Goldberg blocks the kicks to start and grabs the rolling kneebar. And there’s the gorilla press powerslam before the two move combination wraps Nagata up at 1:20.

From Worldwide, July 4, 1998. Note that Goldberg was the US Champion but doesn’t have the belt here because this show was taped three months in advance.

Goldberg vs. John Nord

Non-title and Nord is better known as the Berzerker. They yell at each other to start until Goldberg knocks him outside. Nord’s forearms don’t do much back inside so Goldberg hits him with a backdrop. The big boot misses but the spear doesn’t, followed by the Jackhammer for the pin at 2:20. No mention of the streak here, again because of the whole three month thing.

From Monday Nitro, April 27, 1998 (as I guess we’re going based on taping date, which makes…well pretty much no difference whatsoever).

US Title: Goldberg vs. Scott Norton

Goldberg is defending and Norton strikes away to start, with a flying shoulder connecting for two. That earns Norton a swinging neckbreaker for two but he knocks Goldberg outside. They slug it out on the floor and Goldberg is sent shoulder first into the post. Back in and a kneebar has Norton in trouble for a change but he makes the rope in a hurry. The shoulder breaker gives Norton two and he grabs the Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up as well so Goldberg escapes another shoulder breaker and does what you would expect (including one heck of a Jackhammer) for the pin at 2:48.

Overall Rating: C+. This is what I love about the Vault: these compilations are clearly set up by big time fans. You know the obvious matches that could be on here and none of them were anywhere to be seen. You can find the Raven and Hall and Hogan matches anywhere, so here’s a bunch of stuff that is pretty much nowhere to be found. This was a lot of fun as you could see Goldberg growing up, though it was clear that he was NOT designed to go long. The short stuff worked very well though, which is why Goldberg is so well remembered to this day.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #220
Date: December 27, 1999
Location: Houston Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 16,640
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

We’re finally done with this year and it’s not a moment too soon. While Thunder was better, last week’s Nitro may have been the worst show I’ve ever seen. The NWO is on top again but, due to Goldberg punching a limo, they don’t have a top opponent to deal with so things are a big complicated. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Thunder of Goldberg clearing out the NWO.

The NWO walks through the back until the director tells them it’s clear.

Opening sequence.

Tenay tells us about Goldberg shredding a tendon in his arm and already undergoing surgery.

If that’s not enough, here’s a major update: WCW Senior Executive Vince President Bill Busch is sick Ferrara and Russo’s direction (Tony uses their real names here) and if Scott Hall doesn’t show up by 7pm tonight, the Tag Team Titles are vacated. That time has come and gone, so the Powers That Be have booked (his word) a Lethal Lottery Tag Team Title tournament to start this week and end next week. So the big boss is sick of the booking but is letting the bookers keep going. Makes as much sense as anything else around here.

Apparently Scott Steiner has had another back surgery and his career is probably over. That sounds like a swerve.

Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Kanyon is at ringside and has a wireless mic on. Bigelow goes after him to start but Knobbs gets in a trashcan shot to take over. The announcers ask Kanyon about a title belt he had with him on Thursday as Bigelow and Knobbs fight into the crowd and we hit the ECW production style. Kanyon tells the marks in the crowd to move as he follows them, which is in no way, shape or form like the time Road Dogg did this for Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man in a hardcore match in the WWF. You can’t see a thing going on but apparently Knobbs pins Bigelow. Seriously you could see their arms and that’s about it.

Sid arrives with Benoit.

There’s a monster truck in the back.

The NWO has JJ Dillon in a chair and Nash throws the Tag Team Title on a table. Bret knees JJ in the ribs and that’s it.

The NWO looks at the monster truck, which has an NWO logo on the side. They walk a few feet away and find Sid’s still running car.

Here’s Sid to yell about the NWO. Sid knows that he, Goldberg and Benoit have to watch each others’ backs with the NWO around stabbing everyone in the back. I can barely understand what Sid is saying but I think he wants to beat up all four members of the NWO. What happened to Goldberg is unfortunate, but it’s time for Sid to step up to the plate and go after the World Title. Sid promises to powerbomb Bret through the ring at Souled Out so I guess that’s the main event.

Benoit comes out to join Sid (with a much clearer voice) and talks about wanting to get his hands on the Chosen One Jeff Jarrett. The last few weeks have made Benoit lose all respect for Jeff Jarrett and at Souled Out, Benoit will let out some of the frustration. He wants something called Triple Threat Theater, which means a 2/3 falls match with different rules for each fall.

Up first is a Dungeon Rules match, meaning pinfall or submission only with no rope breaks and if you leave the ring, you lose the match. Second would be a Bunkhouse Brawl, or street fight. Finally, it’s Caged Heat, which means the Cell. Jarrett is the Chosen One to be lead to the slaughter. Cool idea actually.

We cut to the back where the NWO has spray painted Sid’s car, complete with Bret’s caricature of Sid on the hood. He’s not a bad artist.

ZZ Top is here.

Sid and Benoit find the car and aren’t happy.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo vs. Dean Malenko/Konnan

Buzzkill is now a full on Road Dogg knockoff, complete with the same hook to open his song. “It’s me, it’s me, it’s that B-U-Double Z.” Also, WE’VE GOT WACKY TAG PARTNERS!!! Dean and Mike get things going and hit the mat for what could be an entertaining exchange. It’s quickly off to Konnan vs. Buzzkill with Konnan taking over, only to have Dean deck his partner. Everyone gets in a fight as Jim Duggan comes in to lay out Dean with the 2×4 to give Buzzkill the pin to advance.

Jarrett and Hart pull the power to the production truck and the feed cuts out. Ok then.

Back with the picture a bit snowy and a white limo arriving, containing Scott Steiner who is met by Rick Steiner with a wheelchair.

The NWO destroys catering. Is there a point to this coming anytime soon?

Tank Abbott vs. Shane

Shane is in dress clothes and gets knocked out in less than a minute. He must have tried to get $20 out of Tank for a posed picture.

Career retrospective on Scott Steiner.

Rick wheels Scott out to the ring to the old Steiner Brothers theme. Can we just get to the swerve that WE NEVER SAW COMING already? A tearful Scott tells a story of his doctor telling him that his back will never heal and he’s going to have to retire. Scott cries about never being able to wrestle his brother again and asks for the fans to say a prayer for him.

Before the Steiners can leave, here’s the NWO. Bret wants a washed up nobody like Scott out of the ring, but to be honest, Scott was never that good anyway. You would think Rick would come out to protect his brother here. There are things more important than Scott Steiner, like the fact that Bret still has his belt. Jeff pretends to cry over Steiner’s announcement so Nash takes over the talking. A tech guy tries to send them to a commercial so Jarrett blasts him with a guitar.

Back with the NWO still in the ring because that’s what this show is about anymore. Nash isn’t cool with someone taking their bats. On top of that, they’re not cool with Bill Busch trying to interfere, so stay in your office and let them handle the wrestling stuff. He promises that Nash will be here tonight to wrestle in Houston. As for Goldberg, the game is about to become deadly. Bret thinks it’s 4-0 Hitman over Goldberg so Goldberg can consider himself stopped.

That brings Bret to Sid, who will be destroyed even worse than his car. Jarrett rips on the town a bit as this segment just keeps going. Benoit is on for his Triple Threat Theater at Souled Out….and here are Sid and Benoit in the car with ball bats. This brings in Curt Hennig of all people to get beaten down by Benoit and Sid as the sacrificial lamb. Sid throws him onto the hood of the car.

Hennig is put in an ambulance after a break.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Harlem Heat vs. Midnight/Lash Leroux

What are the odds??? Booker and Lash get things going with Leroux getting two off a victory roll but walking into a Rock Bottom for the same. Stevie comes in and hammers Lash with a vengeance before slamming him down. Off to Midnight and it’s time for something resembling a showdown. Stevie runs Midnight over with a clothesline and looks away, leaving Midnight to nip up.

A snap suplex to Stevie is treated like Hogan slamming Andre and Booker tags himself in. Booker can’t bring himself to kick Midnight in the face and they do a very light sequence with Booker not wanting to hurt her. Midnight takes a backbreaker and Stevie is livid. He pulls out the slapjack and nails all three people in the match with Lash falling on Booker for the pin. That would be two matches with a weapon shot and brawling partners.

Rating: D-. Another storyline disguised as a match. I’m not sure why we needed to see yet another Harlem Heat split. More importantly than that though, this was a clear indication that we’re going to be sitting through wacky tag partners and screwy finishes for all eight matches tonight because that’s all Russo knows how to book. These sort of things can be done well with Starrcade 1991 as proof, but Russo isn’t good enough to figure out something as simple as “let them wrestle.”

The Scream mask guy attacks Chavo.

The Revolution is at the Washington Monument and Shane wants to ask an average American a history quiz. Shane rips on the guy for not knowing that it’s the anniversary of the Monument going up. I’m not sure what the point of this was supposed to be.

Some Power Plant students are in the front row. Chuck Palumbo, Elix Skipper, Mike Sanders and Reno among others are visible.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Jerry Flynn

Flynn is in street clothes because it’s more realistic or something. No announcement or teasing a World Title match and it’s given the treatment that a TV Title match might receive. Tony announces Bill Busch deciding that the title can change hands on a DQ at Souled Out. Bret hammers him into the corner to start and runs the eyes across the top rope.

They head outside with Jerry whipping the champ into the barricade, drawing out Jarrett and Nash. Back in and Jerry fires off kicks in the corner but eats a DDT. Another spinning kick drops Bret but Nash distracts the referee, allowing Jarrett to come in with a ball bat to set up the Sharpshooter to retain the title.

Rating: F. Jerry Flynn in street clothes just gave Bret Hart a run for his money in a bad match with the NWO having to save the title in an unannounced match in the middle of the second hour of the show. This company really doesn’t have any idea what they’re doing do they?

Flynn gets the NWO treatment. He might have worn the street clothes so he doesn’t have any paint on his skin. The NWO leaves but Tank Abbott comes out and knocks Flynn out again. Your would be WCW World Champion a month from now people.

The Revolution is at the Library of Congress and Saturn pulls out his copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Nash is on the phone with Hall but theme music muffles the chat.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: PG-13 vs. Rick Steiner/Berlyn

PG-13 is wearing Houston Oilers jerseys (team that recently left town) and rap about how they don’t care if people don’t like them. Rick shakes his head to start as Berlyn spinwheel kicks Wolfie. Tony reads out the most beautiful announcement I’ve ever heard: Nitro returns to two hours next week. PG-13 double teams Berlyn and stomps him in the middle of the ring as I’m just waiting on the WACKY way someone will advance. Rick gets the hot tag and cleans house with Steiner Lines before planting both of them upside down on the buckles. Berlyn walks out and a belly to belly is enough to pin Wolfie.

Rick keeps beating them up and the decision is reversed. In other words, the newcomers are left laying but advance on a technicality. As stupid as WCW has become, it’s good to know that some things never change.

Saturn comes up to Duggan and says they’re teaming together tonight against Norman Smiley and Asya. Apparently it’s mutually beneficial if they win. Well yeah that’s normally how a tag match works. I can’t do this line justice, so here’s Saturn’s statement verbatim: “Besides, brother, as optically challenged as we are, there’s no way that jacked up hootchie or that sissy in a football uniform can blindside us if we stand side by side.” Again, Saturn is the best part of this show and fits in perfectly because he makes just as little sense as the booking.

The Revolution rants about the White House and Bill Clinton and kidnap a guy in a Clinton mask. Somehow this is more effective than their last few weeks of material.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Asya/Norman Smiley vs. Perry Saturn/Jim Duggan

Duggan’s family is at ringside as he beats up Saturn before the match starts. Norman gets in some easy shots, including the swinging slam. The spanking dance connects but Saturn breaks up the Big Wiggle with a suplex. Saturn slams him down and drops the top rope elbow onto the chest protector to hurt his own arm. Asya is tagged in and shoves Saturn from behind, followed by a low blow and clothesline. A superplex drops Saturn and Duggan drops a knee on his partner (complete with counting his own pin for reasons of dumb), allowing Norman to get the pin to advance.

Rating: D-. Can we go back to the part where the Powers That Be literally had the fourth wall broken and screw up everything in sight? I’m starting to think it might be easier to sit through than the night of the wacky tag team partners. This was another bad match with a screwy finish because that’s all we have here.

Duggan, the loser, brings his family in to celebrate.

US Title: Kidman vs. Jeff Jarrett

Kidman is challenging and gets jumped from behind to start. A hotshot stops Kidman’s comeback and the announcers ignore the match to talk about Triple Threat Theater. Jeff turns around and eats a Bodog and dropkick, only to catapult Kidman out to the floor to stop him again. Cue Nash and Hart because you think we can go a full half hour without the NWO? Kidman rolls through a high cross body for two but gets caught in a quick sleeper. Say it with me: Kidman reverses into one of his own for a few arm drops, followed by the BK Bomb for two.

That’s about it for the NWO not being the focus of the match though as Nash low bridges Kidman to the floor, only to have the Filthy Animals run in to lay out Jarrett with a crutch. It’s only good for two, but it draws one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jeff tries a powerbomb and gets the standard counter. Heenan: “I’ve never seen anything like that!” Kidman goes up top but takes a ball bat to the ankle, setting up the Stroke for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was one of the better matches of the night, but my goodness it’s ok to let a champion look strong instead of needing help all the time. It’s nowhere near as bad as the Jerry Flynn mess but at least let Jeff do his own cheating to win. Watchable match, partially due to getting some time, but it was too bogged down as usual.

Gene brings out Luger and Liz for a chat but Luger is dressed as Sting and comes out to Sting’s music. Luger imitates Sting and talks about how awesome Luger really is and how severe the beating Luger gave him was. The lights go out and come back on to show black roses in the ring. So yeah, this feud is CONTINUING.

Nash gives Hall directions over the phone.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Ron Harris/Don Harris vs. Meng/Fit Finlay

I’m not even going to bother calling this stupid. Finlay and Meng fight so the Twins, ever so brilliant, attack them both. Just let them beat each other up then pin the scraps. Why is that so complicated? A double big boot puts the hardcore guys on the floor and they fight until it’s a countout to advance the Twins. This was, again, a waste of time.

David Flair and Daffney call themselves Natural Born Killers. That was a disturbing movie.

Here’s 3 Count to pick things up. They do their dance but Vampiro comes in and cleans house. As luck would have it, he and Evan are up next.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Evan Karagias/Vampiro vs. David Flair/Maestro

Scratch that last team as Crowbar, who debuted last week, attacks Maestro in the aisle and takes his place. Sure why not. Ignore the fact that he worked at a gas station and has no wrestling license or training as far as WCW knows. Anyway he starts with a German suplex on Vampiro (good looking one too) before it’s off to David for a suplex (not so good looking one) of his own.

It’s so lame that Vampiro pops up and plants both psychos (yeah Vampiro is the sane one here) with a double DDT. A Rock Bottom to Crowbar allows Vampiro to make the hot tag to Evan, who is promptly knocked off the top and down onto Crowbar. Back inside with Vampiro “hitting” a top rope clothesline for two on David but the other 3 Count members get in to go after Vampiro. The partners implode but Vampiro fights both of them off with ease, setting up the Nail in the Coffin on David. No referee though as Crowbar nails Vampiro with a crowbar, giving David the pin.

Rating: F. This was the sixth match of eight tournament matches tonight and they’re now six for six in having at least one team implode. I know I say Russo only has a few ideas in different forms, but he’s done the same idea six times in less than three hours. Suddenly Oklahoma makes so much more sense.

3 Count loads up the song post match but Flair and Crowbar clean house. This brings out Lenny and Lodi as Standards and Practices, complete with the yet to be named Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) in a skirt shorter than your local vanilla midget. They promise to take Flair and Crowbar off TV if this violence keeps up. This of course earns them more violence.

Jarrett is told not to worry about Hall not being here yet.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Disco Inferno/Big Vito vs. Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon

The Italians have Johnny the Bull and Tony Marinara with them. Everyone but Disco head to the floor to start before Kanyon slides back in, earning him some knees to the back. A Russian legsweep drops Disco but Kanyon heads back outside to get the Italians away from the girls. Kanyon leaves with the girls to split up ANOTHER tag team. Buff fights back but Vito nails him with a great looking superkick to take over again. Disco gets caught in a neckbreaker but there’s no partner (Tony: “Chris Champion Kanyon”) to tag. Disco accidentally hits Vito with a chain, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D-. They’re seven for seven in teams splitting and almost half have had a weapon spot. I would ask if this was the best they could do, but yes, this really is the best they can do: the same match over and over and over. In a weird way, I’m actually hoping they manage to do it again one more time in the last match because it would be one of the most amazing things ever to see them do the exact same plot point eight times in one night.

Buff gets laid out post match.

Here’s the NWO to say Hall isn’t here yet but his arrival is imminent. Nash asks for a brief delay to let him get here.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: The Wall/Sid Vicious vs. Outsiders

Remember that Sid and Wall seemed to form a friendship last week. Nash gets in on his own and does a Hogan shirt rip to start against Wall. Kevin slugs away but Wall punches him down and scores with a belly to back suplex. Wall hits a big boot but Bret nails him in the back with a bat to let Nash take over. Sid chases Bret and Wall is suddenly putting Nash in a chinlock. He no sold a ball bat shot from the World Champion? Sid comes in and shoves the referee down before cleaning house, only to have Bret nail Wall with the bat for the pin to advance Nash.

Rating: F. He no sold a baseball bat shot. A shot from Liz put Sting out for months but Wall is back on offense fifteen seconds later? How can anyone actually think that’s acceptable? This was more NWO interference dominating the entire match with no one having a chance against the heel stable. And now I’m disappointed with the lack of the partners fighting. I was looking forward to that.

Benoit comes in to save Sid from a powerbomb but here comes a limping Scott Steiner (presumably the Scott that Nash has been meaning all night. I was hoping for Riggs) with a ball bat of his own….and of course he’s NWO because what else would he be? As usual, there’s no value to a scam that was set up and paid off in the span of two hours. NWO propaganda falls from the ceiling and an NWO banner is lowered. Sid car is brought out and Sid is put in the back. They drive him to the back where the monster truck crushes the car to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Somehow, this is miles better than last week’s show. The wrestling was nothing special (Kidman vs. Jarrett was decent before it fell apart), the booking has been covered already, the ending was stupid, and this whole show was a mess. You can tell Russo has lost some authority though and that’s the best thing that could possibly happen to this company.

That’s it for WCW in 1999 and I don’t think there’s a need to explain all of the disasters in this company over the year. Here’s the most telling part though: the Fingerpoke of Doom is looking more and more like a high point every day. I’ll leave you with this: I’m fairly certain I’m right when I say this was the worst calendar year in the history of any wrestling promotion ever.

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