Smackdown
Date: February 1, 2008
Location: Sovereign Center, Reading, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

We’re done with the Royal Rumble and Edge is still the World Champion. Other than that, John Cena from Raw won the Royal Rumble so that means Edge is going to need another challenger for the title at Wrestlemania. That is what No Way Out, in just over two weeks, is for so let’s get to it.

Here is the Royal Rumble if you need a recap.

Teddy Long is in the ring to start and since Vickie Guerrero was injured at the Royal Rumble, Vince McMahon has put him in charge tonight! Teddy throws us to a video on the Edge vs. Rey Mysterio title match on Sunday, with Rey hitting the 619 to Vickie, who jumped out of the wheelchair to save Edge.

That was enough to help Vickie retain the title so Teddy announces a #1 contenders match at No Way Out: the ELIMINATION CHAMBER (the second at No Way Out) so we see a video on the match’s history. The participants are Batista, Great Khali, Finlay, MVP, Big Daddy V and Undertaker. That’s not it though, as Teddy makes Edge vs. Rey Mysterio II for No Way Out. Cue Edge to protest, saying that he’ll fight ANYONE but Mysterio. Teddy doesn’t really care what happened to Vickie, so the match is still on.

MVP vs. Ric Flair

Again non-title and again Flair’s career is on the line. MVP charges into a hiptoss to start and the quick form strut is on. That’s enough to start some frustration, setting off the exchange of strikes in the corner. A running kick to the head drops Flair for two and it’s time to start in on the arm.

Flair gets caught in a backslide for two so the annoyed MVP suplexes him over for the same. Back up and Flair starts in on the leg as he is known to do but it’s too early for the Figure Four. Another attempt works but MVP turns it over IMMEDIATELY, sending them into the ropes. MVP refuses to break the hold though and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C. I was only so into the first match at the Royal Rumble and then this one was only so much better. That being said, it’s better to do this than to give Flair the title as there is no reason to keep having MVP get beaten over and over. Then again the ending would suggest the feud is continuing, even though MVP is off to the Chamber and Flair is ready for Mr. Kennedy. Either way, nothing but a basic match here.

Post match MVP stays on the leg and crushes it with the steps.

Post break, Flair’s leg is in trouble.

Here is Chuck Palumbo for a chat. Palumbo blames what happened to Michelle McCool last week on Jamie Noble, who got in the way and deserved that beating. We look at the clip of Michelle getting taken out, which Palumbo again calls an accident. Palumbo has been fined $10,000 but it was worth it to see Noble get taken out. As for Michelle, Palumbo wants to apologize to her in person. Cue Michelle, who doesn’t buy what Palumbo is saying and isn’t accepting the apology. She slaps him in the face so Palumbo blames her for all of his recent losses. Now he is going to beat up Noble and Michelle has to watch.

Rey Mysterio/CM Punk vs. Edge/Chavo Guerrero

Chavo takes Rey down to start but Rey is right back up with some flips into an armbar. It’s off to Edge, who misses a shot to Punk in the corner and gets headlock takeovered. That’s broken up so it’s back to Chavo, who avoids a running knee to send Punk outside. We take a break and come back with Edge faceplanting Punk and handing it back to Chavo for the abdominal stretch.

Punk fights out and enziguris his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag back to Rey. That means a high crossbody to drop Edge for two but a Chavo distraction lets Edge get in a cheap shot. A big boot gives Edge two but Rey hurricanranas Chavo down. The second hot tag brings in Rey and everything breaks down. The 619 hits Chavo and Rey dives onto Edge outside. That leaves Punk to GTS Chavo for the pin for quite the nice reaction from the crowd.

Rating: B-. They had the time here and the talent was certainly there so this was quite the fun match. Smackdown has a history of putting people out there and letting them have matches like this and that is quite the feature of any wrestling show. Rey was flying well and the fans wanted to see Punk get a big win. Good stuff.

Vince McMahon yells at Finlay for helping Hornswoggle and costing himself a chance at the Royal Rumble. Finlay calls it loyalty, which Vince says doesn’t exist so what Finlay did was stupid.

Finlay/Hornswoggle vs. Deuce N Domino

Cherry is here with Deuce N Domino. Finlay and Domino start things off but we pause for Hornswoggle to go after Cherry. That earns Cherry a trip to the floor and Finlay beats up Domino. The Celtic Cross sets up the Tadpole splash for the fast pin. Little more than a squash with the Cherry stuff thrown in.

Dancing ensues post match.

Raw Rebound.

New interviewer Eve Torres brings out Batista for a chat. After calling Smackdown the biggest sports entertainment show in the world (Batista: “Yeah I said it.”), Batista says he came up short in the Royal Rumble. Now it is off to the Elimination Chamber though and he is the only entrant who has been in it before. Five men are eliminated and he won’t be one of them because he is going to Wrestlemania. End of another short Batista interview, which I’m kind of digging.

Jesse talks about how Festus has gotten some medical help and they’ll be back next week! Uh, great.

Edgeheads vs. Jimmy Wang Yang/Shannon Moore

Hawkins and Yang lock up to start with Hawkins being very pleased by an armdrag. Yang gets taken into the corner for some chopping and it’s Ryder coming in for a neck crank. The front facelock keeps Yang in trouble, at least until he backdrops his way to freedom. Ryder takes Moore out though, meaning Hawkins can come back in with a cravate to keep Yang down. Yang finally fights out of trouble and gets over to Moore for the hot tag as everything breaks down. Yang dives onto Ryder on the floor but Moore misses a Whisper In The Wind. That’s enough for Hawkins to hit a reverse implant DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. This felt a bit longer than it was and unfortunately it seems to be the end of the line for Moore and Yang as a team that mattered. Then again, I’m not sure how much value they really had when they already lost their Tag Team Title shot, but it was nice to see a team thrown together to give them something to do. Try that more often and see what you might find.

Brothers of Destruction vs. Mark Henry/Big Daddy V

Matt Striker is here with the villains. We’re joined in progress with Kane working over Henry’s leg in the corner before Kane goes up. The top rope clothesline is….almost caught but Kane turns it into a high crossbody, allowing the tag off to Undertaker. The driving shoulders have Henry rocked so it’s back to Kane. A Striker distraction lets Henry hit a running splash in the corner though and V comes in for the chops.

Kane gets over for the tag to Undertaker, who gets clotheslined down in a hurry. The slow power offense continues, including V hitting a running splash in the corner. Henry grabs a bearhug but Kane fights out of it and brings Undertaker back in to clean house. The running DDT hits Henry and it’s a double chokeslam to V. Undertaker chokeslams Henry and puts on the still to be named choke for the win.

Rating: D. A few weeks ago, we saw Undertaker beat Henry and V in a handicap match in about five minutes. Why in the world did the Brothers need almost fifteen minutes to beat them here? It didn’t help that there is only so much that you can get from Henry and V’s slow, plodding offense and it got old fast. Seeing Undertaker and Kane together is cool, but my goodness this was a dull match that lost me fast.

Overall Rating: C-. They flew threw the build to the Chamber here, which is one of the perks of having such a match. All you have to do is announce the participants and what they’re fighting for and everything is set. Throw in Edge vs. Rey II and the important parts of the Smackdown side of the card is ready. Kind of a weak show with a dreadful main event, but it got some stuff done for the pay per view.

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Smackdown
Date: January 25, 2008
Location: John Paul Jones Arena, Charlottesville, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and that means we are probably going to get one last big push towards the show. Edge defending the World Title against Rey Mysterio is already set so there is just the Rumble itself to get the build. I’m not sure how much there is to be done, but the road to this show ran out of steam a good while ago. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio vs. Edgeheads

Hawkins starts for the team so Rey goes with the dodging. Rey tries to grab him but gets driven into the corner for the tag to Ryder and a standoff. The attempted wheelbarrow bulldog is countered into a faceplant and Hawkins cranks on both arms. Mysterio enziguris his way out of trouble and snaps off a headscissors as Edge is watching in the back. Ryder tries a sunset flip and gets kicked in the head for his troubles. A splash gives Rey two as everything breaks down, including the slingshot dive to Ryder on the floor. Ryder has enough and brings in a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This could have been a bit better but the ending did protect both of them. That being said, they really couldn’t have Rey get a quick rollup to pin one of Edge’s goons? It gave Rey a bit of momentum on his way to a title match he isn’t going to win, even if the match wasn’t exactly good.

Post match Rey clears the ring without much trouble.

Jesse is here with some pictures of Festus, which explains Festus’ two sides. It is clear that Festus needs help so he is currently getting the medical help that he needs.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Domino

Shannon Moore, Deuce and Cherry are here too. Feeling out process to start with Domino forearming him down but getting caught with a quick hurricanrana. Domino is back with a front facelock before dropping him ribs first across the top. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Domino switches to a sleeper for a change of pace. Yang slips out of that as well and hits a running spinwheel kick in the corner. The high crossbody gets two so Deuce goes after Yang, earning himself a beating from Moore. Yang is back up with the top rope moonsault press for the pin.

Rating: C. Yang continues his rather nice run, even if it is going to go absolutely nowhere. The match was about as basic as you could have gotten but it might have set up a rematch so Yang and Moore can beat Deuce N Domino further into the ground. It’s still not a division, but it is better than what we have had for a long time now.

Dancing ensues post match.

Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo argue in the back again but agree to be calm for Michelle McCool’s sake.

Video on Jeff Hardy.

Chuck Palumbo/Jamie Noble/Michelle McCool vs. Layla/Miz/John Morrison

For some reason the villains are introduced as John Morrison and the team of Miz and Layla. Miz and Layla are still a thing on ECW? Anyway Morrison front facelocks Noble to start before Miz comes in and gets forearmed in the face. Palumbo tags himself in so the argument is on, leaving Michelle to slap Layla. Michelle gets knocked off the apron though and we stop the match to check on her. Palumbo beats up Noble and I guess this is a no contest.

Post match Michelle grabs Palumbo to stop him from being on Noble and gets accidentally thrown off. That’s enough for a stretcher job as the show stops fast. How in the world is this story STILL GOING???

Here is MVP for a chat. He is sick of hearing about Ric Flair because he is the future of this business, so Flair is done on Sunday. After the Royal Rumble, the headlines will read MVP retires Flair, while Flair is playing golf and shuffleboard. And yes, we have funny photos. Cue Flair to say this golf ball hitting, shuffleboard playing man isn’t ready to retire. Flair promises to win on Sunday and that’s it. Not much from Flair here.

Great Khali vs. Finlay

Belfast Brawl, meaning street fight and Runjin Singh/Hornswoggle are both here too. Khali knocks the shillelagh out of Finlay’s hand to start and hammers away in the corner, while looking down at Hornswoggle. The chokebomb drops Finlay again and Khali throws him outside to load up the announcers’ table. Khali goes for Hornswoggle though and Finlay ERUPTS on him with shillelagh shots to leave Khali laying. Some chair shots make it even worse for the busted open Khali. That’s enough for Finlay, who walks out with Hornswoggle.

Rating: C. This wasn’t much of a match but DANG it did a great job of making Finlay look like a killer in the end. He left Khali laying on the floor and busted open, which isn’t something you see outside of maybe Undertaker. It was more of an angle than a match but dang it was fun to see Finlay rise up like that.

Vince McMahon checks on Hornswoggle and threatens him with pain at the Royal Rumble. He can’t even trust Finlay in the match!

Here is Batista for a chat. He wishes Rey Mysterio luck and puts everyone else in the Rumble on notice. 2005 is going to repeat himself though and he’s going to win again. Another short and simple promo here.

We look back at Michelle McCool being taken out again.

Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V

Matt Striker is here with V. Undertaker punches away to start but gets clotheslined down without much effort. Back up and a headbutt drops Undertaker again, setting up the beating in the corner. There’s the required splash but Undertaker is right back with the running DDT for two. The driving shoulders look to set up Old School but V pulls him down and out to the floor.

Striker gets in a cheap shot of his own and V follows them outside, with Undertaker sending him into the steps. Back in and a big boot into the legdrop gets two and the chokeslam connects for the same. A swinging Boss Man Slam drops Undertaker and V mounts him, thankfully without any thrusting. Not that it matters as Undertaker pulls him into the debuting…..whatever you call a hold where Undertaker pulls V’s throat across a shin for the tap.

Rating: D+. It’s kind of weird to see Undertaker debut a new submission hold right before a match that has nothing to do with submissions but it does look better than the triangle choke. Other than that, this was every Undertaker vs. V match you’ve seen, as there just isn’t much else for V to do once he has been beaten. After that, he is little more than a hill for Undertaker to climb and there is no doubt that he can do just that without much trouble.

Post match Mark Henry has to come help V out of the ring as V coughs up blood.

Rumble By The Numbers time!

569 wrestlers eliminated
36 wrestlers eliminated by Steve Austin
11 appearances by Shawn Michaels
11 wrestlers eliminated by Kane in 2001
3 Mick Foley personae to appear in the same Royal Rumble
2 feet that have to touch the ground
1 woman to enter the match, with Chyna
62:12 that Rey Mysterio lasted in 2006
2 seconds that Warlord lasted in 1990
3 Steve Austin wins
2 wins for the #1 spot, compared to 1 win for #30
#27 produces the most winners
73% of winners have gone on to win the title at Wrestlemania since 1993

Royal Rumble rundown.

Edge vs. CM Punk

Non-title, Rey Mysterio is on commentary, the Edgeheads are here too and this is fallout from Edge costing CM Punk the ECW World Title earlier this week. Punk starts fast by sending Edge shoulder first into the buckle, setting up a basement dropkick to the back. The armbar goes on and Rey is interested in Edge having a weakened shoulder. Edge comes back with a big boot and chokes on the ropes before sending Punk outside for a crash.

We take a break and come back with Punk spinwheel kicking him out of the air. The springboard clothesline is powerslammed out of the air but Punk counters the implant DDT. The GTS is countered into the Edge O Matic for two but the spear is blocked with a kick to the head. For some reason Punk tries a super GTS, which is escaped without much trouble, setting up the spear to give Edge the pin.

Rating: C+. It’s weird seeing Punk get pinned clean but he lost to the World Champion so it isn’t like this is some devastating defeat. The good thing is that Edge gets some momentum heading into the pay per view, but you can almost guarantee that Punk is going to be coming up to the big shows sooner rather than later. The match was the best of the night, even if Punk isn’t at this level yet.

Mysterio chases Edge off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. As has been the case for the last few weeks, there isn’t much left to set up for the Rumble. That was on display this week, as the stuff that has already been set up was done weeks ago, leaving a good bit of finishing touches to be added over the last few shows. The Rumble should be good and that’s all you can ask for, but it’s going to be nice to freshen things up a bit and move on to something else.

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Smackdown
Date: December 21, 2007
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We have a new World Champion around here as Edge defeated Batista and Undertaker in a triple threat match at Armageddon. That is going to be a big change of pace as we head into the new year but now Edge needs a new challenger for the Royal Rumble. I doubt we find out who that is tonight but maybe there is something else out there. Let’s get to it.

Here is Armageddon if you need a recap.

Teddy Long wheels Vickie Guerrero to the ring and we look at Edge winning the World Title at the pay per view. Back in the arena, Vickie introduces Edge, who is officially presented with the title by Teddy. Edge isn’t sure who he should thank first before starting with Teddy. Then he thanks the fans, the Edgeheads, but there are two in particular, so here are the Major Brothers (who weren’t identified on Sunday).

They just went by the Major Brothers to get noticed, and now we get to meet the real people: Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder. With that out of the way, Edge thanks the real star here by kneeling next to Vickie. Edge declares her the love of his life (again) and we get a music video of the two of them together in a park, at dinner, under a gazebo and more.

Back in the arena, Edge needs to talk about Batista, who doesn’t need to carry the show anymore. Tonight, after Batista loses his rematch, the last image you will be seeing is Edge holding up the title. This was the big celebration, but Edge now having Ryder and Hawkins makes him a bit more dangerous.

Great Khali/Runjin Singh vs. Finlay/Hornswoggle

Singh is in a copy of Khali’s gear and mocks his pose for one of the few out of the ordinary things he has ever done in WWE. Finlay’s right hand to Khali doesn’t do much to start as Khali throws him into the corner. A big boot puts Khali down as JBL wants to know what isn’t big on Khali. Singh comes in, or at least gets tagged, as Hornswoggle pulls his pants down on the apron.

Everything breaks down and Khali is knocked down on the floor, leaving Finlay to throw water at Singh (as Hornswoggle hides under an umbrella). Back in and a giant swing sets up the Tadpole Splash to finish Singh. Not enough shown to rate, but this was comedy and nothing more.

Dancing ensues post match.

Here is Ric Flair for a chat. Flair wishes us a Merry Christmas, because it might be the last chance he gets to in a WWE ring. He got to see everyone here today and he respects all of them. Anyone who knows him knows that he has been in the ring for 35 years and he has only want to be the best. Now Vince McMahon has decided that the next time Flair loses a match, he has to retire.

In ten days, he has to face the greatest wrestler alive today, HHH. That’s who Flair has said he wanted to face in his final match, just for some irony. Five years ago, he came back here and wasn’t in a good place, but HHH told him to go be himself. Therefore, Flair knows that HHH is going to bring the best he can. Flair loves HHH as a brother, but if he loses, he’ll have no regrets. This was serious Flair and he made the match feel a lot bigger.

Maryse, in a bit of a Mrs. Claus outfit, welcomes us back and wants us to keep her warm.

Rey Mysterio/CM Punk/Kane vs. Big Daddy V/Mark Henry/MVP

Kane and Henry start things off with Henry taking him into the corner for the heavy right hands. That’s reversed so Kane can get the better of things but Punk comes in and gets knocked away without much effort. MVP runs Punk over but gets caught with the running knee in the corner. A rollup gives Punk two and it’s a six man standoff as we take a break. Back with Rey coming in to kick MVP in the head and snap off an anklescissors. It’s quickly off to Punk vs. Big Daddy V, the latter of whom plants Punk without much trouble.

A gorilla press slam makes it even worse and MVP comes in to work on an armbar. Henry gets in some choking but it’s right back to MVP, who gets enziguried down. The hot tag brings in Kane to clean house, including the side slam to drop MVP. The top rope clothesline sets up a moonsault from Rey Mysterio but Henry breaks up the 619. Everything breaks down and Punk knees Henry in the corner, setting up the 619. A chokeslam and the springboard splash are enough to finish Henry.

Rating: B-. This got some time and built up rather well until the hot ending saw the good guys slay a monster. The time is a big factor here as there were multiple stories going on at once and you need the extra few minutes to make that work. They pulled it off here and I had a nice time with the match as a result. Well done and a near hidden gem.

We look at Edge winning the World Title again.

We see Jamie Noble and Michelle McCool on their date at a restaurant, which looks quite a bit like the backstage room at any given WWE TV show. Noble seems to be in a little over his head with the menu and shocked at the prices, but he wants Michelle to meet his granny. Then he tries to order a bunch of French food (fries, onion soup etc) because it’s a French restaurant.

The waiter can’t do that so Noble goes on a bit of a crazed rant (Jean Claude Van-Damme is mentioned) before he is told this is actually an Italian restaurant. Later, after dinner, Noble gives her a gift: Old Spice cologne so she can smell him when he’s gone. Noble talks about hunting and fishing, plus enjoying magic. He tries to pull the tablecloth out and….yeah. Noble: “Check please!”

Festus vs. Deuce

And they’re both Santa Claus. The bell rings and Festus pulls on his beard before unloading in the corner. Deuce (Santa Deuce actually) gets in a knee to the ribs and starts clubbering before taking out the knee. Festus is sent outside and then brought back inside for a chinlock, which of course triggers the comeback (as chinlocks are known to do). Some uppercuts set up a splash and, after Jesse takes out an interfering Deuce, a fireman’s carry into a flapjack is enough to give Festus the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here and the Christmas deal was pretty tacked on. This match didn’t do much for me other than show how weak the tag division is at the moment, as you have Miz and John Morrison running roughshod over the division and Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly as champions on the other show. How good can the divisions really be with that kind of depth?

And now, an address from JBL (he has a podium). This is going to be his final appearance on Smackdown because he is getting back in the ring to deal with Chris Jericho. It will be a bigger comeback than anyone has ever seen and we see a clip of JBL costing Jericho the Raw World Title at Armageddon. All Jericho had to do was apologize for bumping into JBL but instead Jericho treated him as an afterthought. JBL isn’t coming back to be in the opening match in Poughkeepsie because he is going to prove that he is the only wrestling god.

Maryse is hanging Christmas ornaments and wishes us Happy Holidays.

Tazz takes JBL’s place on commentary.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

Batista is challenging…but hang on because Vickie Guerrero has a better idea.

Smackdown World Title: Edge/Edgeheads vs. Batista

Batista is still challenging. Curt Hawkins starts things off for the team and gets pummeled in the corner. An Edge distraction lets Hawkins get in a cheap shot so Ryder can come in. Edge has to break up the Batista Bomb and we take a break. Back with Edge stomping on Batista and dropping an elbow to make it worse. Batista fights up but misses a charge into the post.

That doesn’t seem to mind as he runs Edge over and does the same to the Edgeheads without much trouble. The spinebuster is enough to pin Ryder for the title and yeah I wouldn’t buy it either. Vickie says not so fast as Batista has to pin Edge (points for a false finish) so he pulls Edge back in for a top rope shoulder. The Batista Bomb is loaded up but Hawkins brings in the chair for the DQ.

Rating: C. They kept this fast paced and gave us the (not exactly convincing) fake out but you can only get so much out of Batista beating up Edge’s new goons. Giving Edge lackeys is a good thing though and they should serve him well in the future. For a debut as a team it went well, but this felt like a house show main event rather than something big.

Post match Edge hits a Conchairto and wishes us a Merry Christmas to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Much like the rest of the TV from this week, it was pretty clear that they weren’t going to put in the biggest effort between a pay per view and the holiday break. Throw in the Royal Rumble being about a month away and there was little reason to do much on this show. The six man was good, but the rest of the show was little more than a filler week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Armageddon 2007
Date: December 16, 2007
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Taz

It’s the final pay per view of the year and it’s more or less a one match show. While there is a Raw main event of Chris Jericho challenging Randy Orton for the Raw World Title, the real main event here is Smackdown World Champion Batista defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker and Edge in a triple threat match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks exactly like what you would expect from a show called Armageddon, with clips of the major matches included.

United States Title: MVP vs. Rey Mysterio

MVP is defending and gets his legs kicked out to start. A springboard armdrag sends MVP outside, where he asks for a twenty second time out. Instead he gets Rey hitting a running corkscrew dive for the next big knockdown. Back in and MVP drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle, setting up a running boot to the head for two.

We hit the arm trap chinlock, which is quickly switched into an armbar for a rather meaningful change of pace. Rey tries to fight up and is pulled back down by the head for a clever counter. A fireman’s carry doesn’t work as well for MVP as Rey slips out and grabs a hurricanrana, followed by a springboard seated senton.

MVP is right back up with a shot to the face before going up top and….trying to superplex Rey to the floor. Since that is not very recommended, it’s a slugout on top instead until a super hurricanrana gets two on MVP. With nothing else working, MVP boots him in the face but has to duck a quick 619 attempt. That means Rey can hit the running hurricanrana off the apron, which is enough for MVP to take the countout.

Rating: C+. Nice enough opener here though the ending hurt it a good bit. You can only get so much out of a match that gets some time and then goes nowhere because the champion walks out to save the title. They didn’t have the title change to open things up but at least Rey was able to keep the fans hot.

Post match Rey gives MVP a 619 to blow off some steam.

We look at HHH and Jeff Hardy working together at Survivor Series.

Hardy knows what he has to do and it’s time for him to win a big match. He doesn’t believe in never.

Kane/CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V/Mark Henry

Matt Striker is here with the monsters. Henry shoves Punk around to start and it’s time to think of a new strategy. Punk tries striking away at the leg and gets thrown down again. That’s enough for Punk who brings Kane in to slug away at Henry for some more success. Punk comes back in but gets taken into the wrong corner for the big chop from V. A nasty gorilla press drop puts Punk down again and it’s back to Henry for some more clubbering.

Punk manages to duck a shot though and Kane comes back in for some uppercuts. V’s chokebomb gets two and it’s time to mount Kane, which has to be something that Vince finds hilarious. Thankfully there is no thrusting and Henry slaps on a bearhug. For some reason that doesn’t last long and it’s V coming back in for a clothesline. Kane manages to knock Henry down though and the tag brings in Punk for not the strongest reaction. Everything breaks down and Punk tries the springboard clothesline, which is countered into a Samoan drop to give V the pin.

Rating: C-. This felt like a big time ECW main event so they couldn’t have done much better. What matters here is having V (or Henry as it could have been either) get the pin to set up Punk’s next challenger. You can only have him run from the two of them for so long before it stops mattering and now V should be in line for the next title shot. Or to eat Punk, whichever comes first.

Vickie Guerrero has a victory celebration ready for Edge and says her pain and mental suffering will go away when he wins the title. A kiss for good luck ensues. On the hand that is.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Shawn Michaels

Before the match, Kennedy promises to hurt Shawn. They start fast with an exchange of shots to the face before Shawn goes to the leg to cut him down. Shawn can’t grab a suplex so he takes Kennedy down by the arm instead. We hit the Fujiwara armbar before Shawn goes a little more simple with a hammerlock. Kennedy can’t get out of the armbar so he drives Shawn through the ropes for a crash (and the break) instead.

That works for Shawn, who drives the bar arm into the steps and then stomps away on it back inside. They head to the apron for a breather but this time Kennedy sends him back first into the post to take over. There’s a whip into the corner to set up a running boot and a backbreaker keeps Shawn in trouble. Kennedy goes up but stops himself diving into a raised boot, instead dropping an elbow to the back for two.

The chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back goes on but Shawn fights up again. This time it’s an elbow to the face and a backdrop to send Kennedy outside. Back in and it’s the flying forearm into the nip up to start Shawn’s real comeback. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but Kennedy reverses into a rollup for two. Kennedy sends him into the corner and the Regal Roll connects for two more. The Mic Check is blocked so Kennedy hits him so hard that he hurts his own hand. That’s all Shawn needs to hit the superkick for the pin.

Rating: B-. It wasn’t quite the best that Shawn is capable of doing but even just ok Shawn is still better than almost anyone else is going to be able to do. Kennedy losing is a bit of a surprise, but it isn’t like WWE is going to trust him so soon after multiple missed chances anyway. As usual, Shawn can bring someone up his level though and it worked out well here.

Randy Orton isn’t worried about who he is facing at the Royal Rumble, because he is going to destroy the virus that is Chris Jericho tonight. Orton has taken out all kinds of World Champions so please, don’t save us, but spare us.

Jeff Hardy vs. HHH

Non-title and the winner gets a shot at the WWE Title at the Royal Rumble. The lockup goes to HHH to start as Hardy is shoved down without much trouble. Some shoulders drop hardy again and there’s a clothesline to make it worse. A few armdrags work better for Hardy but they head outside where HHH knocks him down again.

Back in and HHH hits a heck of a slap, which seems to wake Hardy up a bit. It wakes him up enough that he can hit an atomic drop into the basement dropkick for two, which might not have been the best idea. They head outside where HHH whips him hard into the steps, meaning it’s time to drop elbows on Hardy’s back.

Hardy gets an elbow up in the corner and goes up, only to be shoved down for the big crash into the barricade as HHH continues to be smarter/one step ahead. Back in and HHH drops another elbow for two before grabbing the abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs. Hardy slips out of a suplex and hits the enziguri, followed by a dropkick. Some running forearms put HHH down but he rolls away from the slingshot dropkick in the corner.

Hardy is fine enough to knock him outside and of course that means the slingshot dive. Back in and the Whisper in the Wind gets two but the Twist of Fate is countered into a DDT to give HHH his own two. HHH unloads in the corner but gets mule kicked into another corner, setting up the slingshot dropkick. The Swanton misses for a crash though and HHH hits the spinebuster. The Pedigree is loaded up but Hardy reverses into a rollup for the surprise pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match where you could see the story they were telling throughout. HHH is the Cerebral Assassin but Hardy is more about making it up as you go, meaning HHH was going to get frustrated and ultimately caught in the end. That’s good, logical storytelling and Hardy gets the biggest singles win of his career.

Great Khali is ready to destroy Finlay for saving Hornswoggle at Survivor Series. Tonight, Khali decimates both of them.

Great Khali vs. Finlay

Runjin Singh and Hornswoggle are here too. Khali starts fast with a chop and big boot to send Finlay outside early. Another chop only hits post but Khali tries it again to knock him down. Back in and we hit the nerve hold, followed by a kick to the face to put Finlay down again. Finlay fights out of another nerve hold and grabs the rope, drawing in Hornswoggle to…get tossed down with ease. Finlay grabs the Shillelagh but gets it taken away, allowing Hornswoggle to come in with another Shillelagh for a low blow. One heck of a Shillelagh shot knocks Khali cold to give Finlay the pin.

Rating: D. Just in case Khali hadn’t been damaged enough, he loses here again, albeit to someone who has become one of the stronger midcard stars on Smackdown. Finlay standing up for Hornswoggle is something anyone can get behind because he’s taking care of someone who can’t do it for themselves. Turning Finlay into a good guy is hard enough but they are making it work fairly well here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton. Jericho came back and wanted a title shot to save WWE from Orton, so here we go.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and starts fast by dropping him ribs first across the top rope. A spinwheel kick puts Orton on the apron but he’s too smart for the triangle dropkick. Instead he drops to the floor so Jericho can hit a big dive as this is one sided so far. Back in and Jericho slips out of the hanging DDT but can’t get the Walls. Orton is right back with a DDT for two and the slow stomping begins.

We’re already in the chinlock for a bit before Jericho fights back up with a clothesline. Jericho walks into a powerslam though and Orton sends him shoulder first into the post. There’s the required superplex for two but Orton misses the dropkick, allowing Jericho to hit an enziguri.

The Lionsault hits knees though and Orton grabs that backbreaker of his. The RKO is blocked though and Jericho gets in a quick Lionsault for two more. Orton takes it outside and whips him into JBL on commentary, which doesn’t sit well with the cowboy hatted one. Back in and the Codebreaker is blocked but the Punt is countered into the Walls….so JBL comes in to kick Jericho in the head for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Not a great match but the ending was a smart enough way out of this. You don’t want to beat Jericho but Orton hasn’t been champion long enough. Letting JBL get physical again should open enough doors to make for some interesting options. They were trying to get into a higher gear near the end, though I never quite bought that the title was in danger.

Post match Orton hits an RKO for a bonus.

Before the Women’s Title match, here is Jillian Hall to badly sing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Yeah it’s a deal they do all the time, but at least they have something to promote with her (and it’s kind of working).

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James

Phoenix is defending and powers Mickie around to start as you might have expected. Some knees to the back have Mickie in more trouble and we hit the quickly broken dragon sleeper. Back up and Mickie flips over her out of the corner, only to get caught in a double chickenwing. That’s broken up and a hurricanrana out of the corner gives Mickie a break, setting up a basement dropkick. The MickieDT is countered into a fisherman’s buster to retain the title.

Rating: C-. They had almost no time out here and there was only so much that they could do. It was basically get in, get out and do your thing without burning up time for the big matches and that is pretty limiting. They were working hard while they could and the match didn’t have any problems, but Beth isn’t losing the title in a match that doesn’t even get five minutes on pay per view.

We recap Batista vs. Edge vs. Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title. Batista FINALLY beat Undertaker to get the monkey off of his back but then Edge returned and got involved, attacking both of them in the process. It turns out that Edge is in cahoots (and perhaps more) with General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who got him back in the title picture. Triple threat time.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker vs. Batista

Batista is defending. Edge drops straight to the floor to start, leaving Batista and Undertaker to slug it out in various places. As Edge looks on, Batista kicks Undertaker in the face and gets glared at for his troubles. Edge finally gets involved by posting Undertaker and knocking Batista down on the floor.

Back in and Batista hits a swinging Boss Man Slam, followed by the driving shoulders in the corner. Undertaker breaks up the powerslam and loads up the apron legdrop but Batista cuts him off with a clothesline. Batista plants Edge again but gets pulled outside again, leaving Undertaker to hit Snake Eyes into the big boot on Edge. That leaves Batista to get pulled into Hell’s Gate….and Edge rings the bell in a clever way out.

Edge comes back in to spear Undertaker for two and grabs some chairs to make it worse. Batista breaks up the Conchairto by kicking Edge in the face and pulls Old School into a spinebuster. There’s a spear to Edge to send him outside…..where another Edge pops out from underneath the ring. Undertaker chokeslams the other Edge (not clear if he knows the difference or not) but has to counter the Batista Bomb. The Tombstone hits Batista but Edge is back in with a chair shot to Undertaker and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. The ending was a little weird as the other Edge was never identified or really shown on his own, but they had to put the title back on Edge here, just for the sake of changing things up a bit. Edge and Vickie are the top villains on the show and Batista vs. Undertaker has been done to death. Let someone fresh get in there, especially since Edge never lost the title in the first place. They kept things moving fast enough here and the match didn’t overstay its welcome, with enough action to make it a fun match with the right ending.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s enough good stuff on here to make the show good, but the weaker parts really did make it clear that this was a low level pay per view. The main event and Hardy vs. HHH were both good, but you can tell that things need to pick up on the way to the Royal Rumble. It’s nice that things are wrapping up here though, because the road here hasn’t been the most interesting.

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Smackdown
Date: December 14, 2007
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Armageddon and that means the focus is going to be almost entirely on Batista vs. Edge vs. Undertaker. To be fair, what else do you really need to look at when you have a match that big? There are some other stories here though, so expect more from MVP vs. Rey Mysterio. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Edge (in a sweet Rated R hockey jersey (or something close to one)) to get things going and he brings out the returning Vickie Guerrero, with a stoic Teddy Long pushing the wheelchair. After a clip of Undertaker Tombstoning her, a shaken Vickie talks about how traumatic everything is, because she might need PSYCHIATRIC HELP. There is a triple threat match for the World Title on Sunday and all three participants will be in action tonight. Edge isn’t sure, but Vickie’s decision is final.

Edge vs. Funaki

Edge powers him into the corner to start but gets taken down with a drop toehold. A big boot drops Funaki again though and Edge isn’t looking worried. Funaki gets a boot up in the corner but the tornado DDT is blocked. The Edgecution into the spear gives Edge the easy win.

Post match Vickie gets to announce the other matches for tonight: Batista vs. Kane in a Last Man Standing match and Undertaker vs. Mark Henry/Big Daddy V in a handicap match. Edge is rather pleased and Teddy has to wheel Vickie to the back.

Layla/Victoria vs. Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly

Kenny Dykstra is here with the villains. Before the match, we see Chuck Palumbo blaming Michelle for his loss to Jamie Noble. Victoria goes after Michelle’s arm to start but Michelle climbs the corner to armdrag her way to freedom. It’s off to Kelly, who gets caught in the wrong corner for some Layla boot choking. Kelly slips out of a fireman’s carry and everything breaks down. Dykstra grabs Michelle’s leg so here is Palumbo to chase him off. The distraction lets Victoria grab a rollup for the pin, leaving Michelle annoyed.

Post break Palumbo yells a lot with McCool not being able to calm him down. A fist goes through a wall, with Palumbo insisting that he’s ok.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kenny Dykstra

MVP is on commentary. Dykstra works on the arm to start but Rey runs the corner for a hurricanrana. That’s broken up and Dykstra hits a slingshot fist drop. It’s back to the arm work before Dykstra loads up a Razor’s Edge. That’s fine with Rey, who reversed into a hurricanrana. The 619 sets up Dropping The Dime to give Rey the fast pin.

Post match MVP gets in the ring but Rey cuts him off, leaving MVP to hand Rey the title, saying Rey might have what it takes to be a champion. Then Dykstra offers a distraction so MVP can get in a belt shot to the head.

Kane vs. Batista

Non-title and Last Man Standing. They slug it out to start and fight to the floor early on with Batista running him over. That doesn’t see to mean much to Kane, who is right back up with a clothesline inside. The top rope clothesline connects but Batista is back up as well. Kane heads up again so this time Batista knocks him out of the air before going up as well. This time it’s Kane catching him on top with a superplex and they both barely beat the count.

We take a break and come back with the fight heading outside again with Batista driving him back first into the post. A big boot knocks Batista over the barricade but he comes right back, only to get punched in the face over and over. Batista shrugs that off and hits a spear, which fires Kane up enough for a whip into the steps. That’s still not enough to keep Batista down so Kane loads up a chokeslam onto the steps. Batista breaks that up and hits a spinebuster onto (not through) the announcers’ table. Cue Edge to spear Batista down….but Batista gets up to beat the count and win anyway.

Rating: B-. This was a weird one as they didn’t have any reason to be mad at each other, so instead they just had a power match with some breaks in the middle. You would think that these two could have a passable enough pay per view title match, probably on a show with a bigger main event. For now though, we had a pretty good power match and it worked here, which isn’t bad on about 40 minutes of build.

Post match Edge hits Batista in the back with a chair for a bonus.

Post break, Edge and Vickie are wanting to celebrate but they’ll save that for later. For now though, asprin and coffee, with Teddy being sent to get it.

Raw Rebound.

Festus vs. Miz

Jesse and John Morrison are here, though neither is explaining why Festus doesn’t snap when the bell rings on the way to the ring. The regular bell rings and Festus charges, only to have Miz take the knee out. Miz leverages him to the floor and hits a dropkick through the ropes. Back in and Festus pulls him out of the air, setting up a fireman’s carry into a flapjack for the pin. Short and to the point, which has been the theme of most of the night.

Post match here is Teddy Long for an announcement. Long pulls out a prepared statement, which says that Hornswoggle will meet Great Khali right now.

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Hold on though as here is Finlay with the shillelagh to go after Khali. The beatdown works, but Runjin Singh grabs Hornswoggle, which is enough of a distraction for Khali to lay Finlay out fast.

Michelle McCool, now with a bit of a black eye and hanging out with Kelly Kelly, finds a bunch of flowers and balloons from Jamie Noble. Jamie doesn’t like the eye and thinks it was from Chuck Palumbo, but Michelle insists she got it in a match in Europe. The date is still on though, as Jamie even ironed his underwear. Kelly offers to make it a double date with her and Balls Mahoney. Jamie is happy and even has a dress for Michelle, though insists that she does look good in anything.

Armageddon rundown.

Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V/Mark Henry

Matt Striker is here with the villains. Undertaker gets pounded down into the corner and it’s a running splash from Henry to make it worse. That’s broken up with a pair of big boots but V runs Undertaker over again. Something like a Samoan drop gives V two but Undertaker kicks away at both of them from the mat. The double chokeslam isn’t the best idea though and Undertaker gets knocked down again. Henry splashes Undertaker in the corner and Henry splashes both of them in what might not have been the best move. V tries another splash but only hits buckle, allowing Undertaker to hit a quick chokeslam on Henry for the pin.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting here? There is only so much you can get out of Undertaker vs. either of them and it’s only going to be made worse by having both of them in there at once. The missed charge and a quick finished was about the only way out of this, but it would have been better off as a singles match, just to get rid of some of the clunkiness.

Post match the big beatdown is on, including splashes, elbows and a double torture rack (that’s a finisher for a monster team somewhere). Edge comes in to look on approvingly and mock Undertaker’s pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was another show where it was clear that almost all of the focus was on one match at the pay per view. That does make sense, but with that match entirely set up, it would have been nice to let something else get some attention. The good thing here is that they did have a fresh way to push further towards the triple threat and Kane vs. Batista was pretty good. I’m not sure what they have left after this though, as it is going to need to be something different as we head into the new year.

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Smackdown
Date: December 7, 2007
Location: Civic Center, Florence, South, Carolina
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re almost up to Armageddon and the big story continues to be Edge joining forces with Vickie Guerrero, making them the top villains around here. Edge is set to face Batista and Undertaker in a triple threat at the pay per view and that should make for a heck of a show. The rest of the card could use some build as well though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Vickie/Edge/Batista/Undertaker situation.

Opening sequence.

Here is Teddy Long, now the Assistant General Manager, to get things going with a State of Smackdown address. Teddy is happy to be back while Vickie Guerrero is out of action, which is why he made last week’s announcement. At Armageddon, it will be Edge and Undertaker challenging Batista for the World Title. Speaking of titles at the pay per view, MVP will be defending the United States Title against Rey Mysterio.

Cue Edge to interrupt and say that even a heart attack can’t stop Long. Edge reminds Long that he is the ASSISTANT General Manager, but Long says he is still the boss. After Edge talks to the camera to express his love to Vickie, Edge rants about how Long has screwed him out of the title over and over. Long logically explains all of his actions and gives Edge Kane tonight to shut him up.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Jesse/Festus

Non-title. The bell rings and Festus chases Morrison to the floor, leaving Jesse to hiptoss Miz. A high crossbody gives Jesse two but a neck snap across the top cuts him off. That’s broken up and the hot tag brings in Festus to clean house with reckless abandon. A faceplant and big boot drop Morrison so it’s back to Jesse. That’s fine with Morrison, who crotches Jesse on top and steals the fast win. Miz and Morrison keep racking up wins, but they’re rapidly running out of teams to beat.

Elijah Burke doesn’t like the idea of being the last person on Batista’s mind and is going to beat him tonight.

We recap Edge vs. Kane, which started back in July when Kane attacked him, leading to the big injury.

Batista vs. Elijah Burke

Non-title. Burke backs into the corner to start and then gets backed into the corner for a bonus. A running clothesline rocks Burke but he dropkicks the knee out to get a breather. Burke hits a chop block into a basement dropkick for two, with Batista getting annoyed. Batista spears him out of the air and hits the Batista Bomb for the pin.

Jamie Noble hits on Michelle McCool with offers of….Pepto Bismol? Noble rants about being a real man, unlike Chuck Palumbo and puts out an offer: if Noble beats Palumbo again, he gets a date with McCool. Deal.

Jamie Noble vs. Chuck Palumbo

If Noble wins, he gets a date with Michelle McCool. Palumbo takes him into the corner to start and hammers away but Noble kicks the knee out. An overhead belly to belly rocks Noble, but he gets a knee up in the corner. McCool gets up on the apron and takes off her jacket for a distraction. Palumbo is almost sent into McCool though and a rollup gives Noble the pin (and the date).

Cole has an idea for the date: curling up on the couch and…..watching the Triumph and Tragedy of World Class DVD! Works for me, but I might be the minority.

It’s time for the VIP Lounge with MVP talking about how he has world class everything, so of course he wants to talk about World Class Championship Wrestling. We see what looks like a trailer for the DVD and here it this week’s guest: Michael PS Hayes! Complete with Bad Street! Hayes isn’t interested in sitting down but is willing to talk about all of the deaths from the promotions. Hayes: “Six Von Erich brothers. Five are dead.” The point of the DVD is to say no to drugs and that is a great message (fair).

Hayes wants people to learn that but MVP says that Hayes is a survivor. MVP: “You look good for your age.” Hayes doesn’t like that and asks if MVP can tell time. Of course he can, so Hayes asks how it feels for your time to be running out soon. MVP asks about Hayes’ receding hairline and his expanding waistline but backs off from a fight. Hayes wants to try to stick with the DVD but MVP switches to the Hardys. Like that time when MVP crippled Matt Hardy.

Hayes says the Hardys are their own men and when Matt is back, MVP will have a serious problem. That sends Hayes into a rant about Rey Mysterio taking MVP out last week. MVP calls out Hayes for being the third wheel of the Freebirds and says they carried him. Hayes goes off about how MVP has no respect for the people who got here so he’s ready to beat MVP up. The beatdown is on with MVP laying him out with the Playmaker but Rey Mysterio makes the (very late) save. At least this was a different way to build up the title match.

Remember that Edge vs. Kane video? Here it is again.

Batista is ready for Edge and Undertaker, though he knows how hard of a fight it is going to be.

Raw Rebound.

Hornswoggle is playing in Deuce N Domino’s car and they don’t like it. The chase is on but Finlay comes in, allowing Hornswoggle to break the antenna. A match is implied.

Finlay vs. Deuce

Hornswoggle, Domino and Cherry are here too. Deuce actually hammers him down in the corner to start but Finlay grinds away on the mat to take over. A headlock takeover puts Deuce down again, with Cole referring to Finlay as Great Khali. Domino chases Hornswoggle around the ring, allowing Deuce to jump the distracted Finlay and take over. The neck crank goes on but Finlay slugs away….as Finlay sprays Cherry with a fire extinguisher. The distraction lets Finlay get in a Shillelagh shot for the pin.

Rating: C-. The big thing here is that Finlay needed to cheat to beat Deuce. When in the world would that make sense? Anyway, Finlay and Hornswoggle are slowly becoming a decent team together and that is more than I would have bet on what seems to be a glorified comedy act. The match was nothing to see, but Finlay is still good most of the time.

Post match here is Great Khali but the distraction lets Domino get in a cheap shot. Khali vice grips Finlay down.

Armageddon rundown.

Kane vs. Edge

Batista is on commentary. Before the match, Edge declares his love for Vickie Guerrero. Kane chokes him down to start as Batista doesn’t want to talk about the past. Edge’s arm is wrapped around the post and the rope before a right hand puts him down again. The double arm crank goes on but Edge fights up and hits an Edge-O-Matic. A spear knocks Kane off the apron and we take a break.

Back with Edge driving knees into the ribs but Kane fights up and hits the running clothesline in the corner. There’s the side slam but Edge breaks up the top rope clothesline. The regular spear is cut off with a big boot and now the top rope clothesline drops Edge again. Kane loads up the chokeslam but Edge drops him throat first over the top rope. That’s enough for Edge to bring in a chair (but doesn’t use it), which draws the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was just getting going when they went with the ending to keep both of them strong. That’s the better result, as both of them have a match at the pay per view. At least they got in some good stuff before they wrapped things up, which is all you can ask for in a situation like this one.

Post match Kane beats Edge down and loads up the steps but Edge sends him face first into them. The Conchairto is loaded up but Batista comes in for the save….and there’s the gong. Undertaker pops up to chokeslam Edge, earning himself a spear from Batista to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There wasn’t much in the way of wrestling on this show, though the pay per view feuds got enough of a quick build to make the show sounds more interesting. While Armageddon isn’t entirely built around the triple threat, it is by far and away the biggest part of the show. Giving it a lot of attention here makes sense, but it would be nice for something else to get some significant time of its own.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: November 23, 2007
Location: St. Pete’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Both Survivor Series and Thanksgiving have come and gone so it is probably time for a lot of leftovers. The big story coming out of the pay per view is Batista retaining the World Title over Undertaker with an assist from the returning Edge to make things rather interesting. You can probably book the triple threat from here. Let’s get to it.

Here is Survivor Series if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Edge returning at Survivor Series to cost Undertaker the World Title against Batista inside the Cell.

Edge is in Vickie Guerrero’s office where she yells at him for messing everything up. His punishment: a shot at the World Title next week. Edge likes the idea and thanks her for helping him get inside the Cell at Survivor Series. Vickie: “You’re welcome baby.” Edge can thank her properly later and kissing ensues to a BIG reaction.

Opening sequence.

JBL is in the ring and brings out MVP for a chat. After some congratulations, JBL is ready to present MVP with the first ever United States Title ring. First though, we look at MVP taking out Matt Hardy last week and putting him on the shelf. MVP brags about himself and says Matt should be one of the people putting up the ring. Matt doesn’t even have a leg to stand on and MVP feels so much better after dropping that weight.

We see the ring, which has a lot of international jewels included. MVP says he is the MVP of the show but here is Rey Mysterio to interrupt. Rey calls MVP a rookie and a punk (but not a rookie punk) and knows that he is scared. That earns Rey a right hand so the brawl is on with MVP bailing before the 619. MVP needed some fresh competition and Rey will do just fine.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Major Brothers

Non-title and Miz/Morrison still have separate entrances. Morrison and Brian start things off with Brian going after the arm. Brett comes in but gets driven into the corner so Miz comes in for a throat first catapult into the rope. It’s back to Morrison for a front facelock but Brett is back up with a clothesline. The hot tag brings in Brian to start cleaning house, only to have Miz come back with the Reality Check for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. This was more or less a squash for Miz and Morrison, which is the kind of thing that they need at some point in their reign. Just having them beat some team here or there is going to get them somewhere, though it isn’t like there are a ton of teams for them to take out. You can see the chemistry there though and that is a good sign for the future.

Vince McMahon comes in to see Finlay and talks about the tough love that Hornswoggle has been experiencing as of late. Finlay says that wasn’t part of the deal but Vince doesn’t want to talk about that. Tonight, Finlay and Hornswoggle are going to be facing Mark Henry in a handicap match.

Kane vs. Big Daddy V

Matt Striker is here with V, who takes Kane into the corner for a running splash. V drops Kane and rides him in that odd manner before hitting a running clothesline. Kane is back up with some shots to the face and a big boot. The top rope clothesline is loaded up but Striker comes in for the DQ.

Post match Kane grabs the chair that Striker brought with him and clears the ring.

MVP vs. Rey Mysterio

Non-title. Rey takes him down into a headscissors to start but MVP slips out without much effort. Back up and Rey kicks at the knee as we hear about Matt Hardy being out for two to three months. The springboard spinning crossbody gives Rey two so MVP bails out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with MVP hitting a running kick to the head for two of his own but Rey kicks his way out of the corner. One heck of a clothesline takes Rey down and we hit a full nelson on the mat. Rey fights out so MVP kicks him in the face for two more and rains down right hands. We hit an armbar of all things but Rey fights up into a tornado DDT.

A running boot to the side of the head cuts MVP off for a change, followed by a standing kick to the head for two more. Another tornado DDT is countered into something like a Downward Spiral but Rey is right back with the 619. The West Coast Pop is loaded up but MVP counters into a powerbomb and stacks him up, with a grab of the rope, for the pin.

Rating: C. They had some sloppy moments in there as it seemed they weren’t on the same page, which isn’t something you would expect from these two. MVP getting a cheating win could either wrap things up for the two of them or set up a rematch so Rey can get some revenge. That being said, it is hard to imagine anyone taking the title from MVP until Matt Hardy is back, which might not be the best idea.

Batista comes in to see Vickie Guerrero and wants to know why Edge is getting a title shot next week. That would be because Vickie loves Edge and Batista can get out.

Jesse tells us that Festus is a huge John Cena fan, which explains why he is dressed as Cena. Did you know that Cena has a new DVD out?

Jamie Noble hits on Michelle McCool and gets slapped in the face.

Hornswoggle thanks Finlay for helping him.

Mark Henry vs. Hornswoggle/Finlay

Finlay and Hornswoggle manage to double team Henry down and a catapulted Hornswoggle might have set up a low blow. Finlay drops him onto Henry before dropping some elbows but Henry gets up. A shot drops Finlay so the chase is on, with Hornswoggle grabbing the Shillelagh. The distraction lets Finlay pull out another one and knock Henry silly so Hornswoggle can get the pin.

Post match here is Great Khali so Finlay is ready, only to get taken down by Henry. We cut to the back, where Vince McMahon approves.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Jamie Noble

JBL says Noble has “a malignant case of wall to wall dumb.” Palumbo knocks him down to start and gets two off a suplex. Noble is right back up and hits a middle rope knee to the head, setting up a neck crank. A right hand drops Noble and a clothesline does it again to prove a point. Palumbo misses a charge into the post though and Noble victory rolls him for the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s it for Palumbo right? He wasn’t exactly great in the first place but now he is losing to Noble clean? Why in the world would you think there was anything else for him to do at this point? Nothing much to this one, but it is nice to see Noble get a win after all of those weeks of being destroyed.

Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria

Torrie takes her into the corner to start but Victoria is right back with the spinning side slam cuts her off. Victoria sends her into the corner but Torrie fights out with some elbows. A dropkick sets up a high crossbody for two, followed by a neckbreaker to give Torrie the clean pin. This would actually be Torrie’s last match as she would take time off for a back injury and not get back in the ring.

We look at Edge returning in the Cell to cost Undertaker the World Title again.

It’s time for the Cutting Edge, with Vickie Guerrero coming to the ring arm in arm with Edge to make things a bit more official. Edge knows the fans are glad to have him back and says this is the result of four months of careful planning. Everything will be finished next week when Edge wins the World Title from his guest this week, Batista. After Batista comes to the ring, he says Edge and Vickie make him sick and Edge deserves his beating next week. Batista shoves him down and leaves….and there is the gong. Edge leaves Vickie to get grabbed by the throat and Tombstoned to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. As has been the case in recent weeks, this was all about one story, but Edge is instantly a major player thanks to the Vickie Guerrero relationship (plus, you know, being Edge). You can all but line up the triple threat for the next pay per view, meaning there are likely to be some shenanigans next week. The rest of the show was the usual skippable stuff, though Finlay and Hornswoggle oddly work together.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: November 20, 2007
Location: St. Pete’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s Thanksgiving week and CM Punk is still ECW World Champion, having retained the title at Survivor Series over Miz and John Morrison. That means he needs a fresh challenger, and Miz getting a singles shot might be about as good as they can do. It might not be fresh, but I’ll take that over Big Daddy V. Let’s get to it.

Here is Survivor Series if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

There is a big Thanksgiving spread around ringside so things can be a bit more festive.

CM Punk vs. Kenny Dykstra

Non-title. Punk goes after the arm to start and takes him down for a running legdrop. The tiger bomb backbreaker gives Punk two but it’s too early for the GTS. Instead, Dykstra takes his head off with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock with a knee in Punk’s back. Punk jawbreaks his way to freedom but Dykstra knocks him right back down. Punk fights up again and knocks Dykstra off the top, setting up a high crossbody for two. The springboard clothesline gets the same but Dykstra manages to send him into the post to cut him off again. That’s too much for Punk, who kicks him in the leg and hits the GTS for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a quick match here as Punk picks up a win over someone who shouldn’t be giving him that much of a challenge. Bringing in more and more names is one of the best things that ECW can do, if nothing else to see who might stick. Punk is still kind of floating around without a major opponent at the moment, so sending him out there for a one off match is fine.

We recap Kane beating up Matt Striker last week.

Here is Elijah Burke in the ring for a chat and he has the newest debuting ECW star.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Tommy Dreamer

That’s a surprise, though the gold hair is still awful. Benjamin takes him down and hammers away, setting up the catapult to send Dreamer throat first into the bottom rope. Dreamer fights out of a cravate but gets knocked down into the corner. The cravate goes on again and it’s a backbreaker for two on Dreamer. Back up and a bulldog plants Benjamin, who is fine enough to pull him off the middle rope. The jumping Downward Spiral finishes for Benjamin.

Rating: D+. Benjamin getting a renewed singles push is a good thing but that gold hair is going to be the end of any value he has. There are things that just do not work and that is what seems likely with suddenly having a big yellow blob on his head. Benjamin is an athletic marvel and that should be enough without the hair being the focus.

Jesse/Festus vs. Deuce N Domino

Miz and John Morrison are on commentary and Cherry is here with Deuce N Domino. The bell rings and Festus snaps as Jesse takes Deuce down. Domino comes in and gets armdragged so it’s right back to Deuce for a double arm crank. Commentary seems to approve of Cherry as Jesse punches Domino out of the air. The hot tag brings in Festus as Miz and Morrison desperately look for a weakness. House is cleaned and it’s a rocket launcher clothesline to finish Deuce.

Rating: C. I could go for more of the tag division starting to pick up and if ECW and Smackdown are sharing one set of titles, it could work out well. ECW might be able to put together a team here and there and if you can put some Smackdown teams on ECW for the sake of some flavor, good for them.

Miz and Morrison aren’t worried.

Matt Striker and Big Daddy V are ready to eat Kane.

Kevin Thorn vs. Nunzio

Thorn has new gear and short, slightly spiked hair for a rather bad look. Nunzio gets taken down and pummeled in the head to start, only to get caught in an over the shoulder backbreaker. Thorn dropping down to his knees makes Nunzio bounce hard, setting up the Original Sin for the fast pin. Total squash.

Kelly Kelly and Layla got in an argument after last week’s ECW. It turned into a food fight.

Here is Layla for a chat. She is thankful for a few things, like being so much better than Kelly Kelly. Cue Kelly to pie Layla and a bigger food fight, courtesy of the Thanksgiving table, ensues.

Raw Rebound.

Kane vs. Matt Striker/Big Daddy V

The double clubbering is on to start because there are no tags. V belly to belly slams him down and there’s the mounting so Striker can talk trash. Striker drops an elbow but Kane pops up with the uppercuts. With that not working, a double clothesline staggers V and the top rope clothesline really staggers him. A big boot puts V on the floor and the chokeslam finishes Striker.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here again, as it wasn’t a long match and they didn’t do much other than have Kane beat up Big Daddy V and then pin the lame manager. That makes Kane look good and he would be fine for a future title shot against Punk, though I don’t think they go that route at the moment. At least the Big Daddy V push seems to be over, at least for the time being.

Post match V comes in to beat Kane down again to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Totally skippable show this week and nothing that you need to see. ECW isn’t terrible these days, but it is often kind of an uninteresting show where you would be better off just reading the results. Other than Kane and Punk, there isn’t anyone who feels like a star around here and you absolutely know what you’re getting with Kane almost every week. ECW feels like the third rate show and WWE isn’t doing anything to make that feeling go away. They certainly didn’t this week, as this was 45 minutes of very little.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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FTF X
Date: October 4, 2019
Location: Oakland Metro Operahouse, Oakland, California
Commentator: Joe Brody

This is from Hoodslam, and to give you an idea of what is going on here, one of the company’s mottos is “don’t bring your f****** kids”. In this case, the FTF stands for F*** THE FANS and this card features Drugz Bunny and the Stoner Brothers (Rick and Scott). I have no idea what I’m getting myself into here so let’s get to it.

Note that I have never seen anything from this promotion before so I have no idea on storylines or characters.

A masked man in black and white tells us about an upcoming show in Sacramento.

The opening video talks about reality and features people smoking, uh, something illegal in various states, and lifting weights. This however, I believe meaning the show, is real.

The house band wants us to be censored excited. Music is played.

Here is our host, Broseph Joe Brody, who loves Axe body spray and Nickelback. You might remember him as AJ Kirsch from one of the last seasons of Tough Enough but he’s a bit better suited here. Middle fingers and F*** YOU BROs ensue as the fans either love the guy or want to kill him. He welcomes us to F*** THE FANS, which is what the fans start chanting. After running down the main event, he introduces the band (Squad Stewart), which has to be cut off from singing Rod Stewart. This is the accidental phenomenon, because this is HOODSLAM!

Broseph gives the fans some booze as the band plays some more, this time about how you shouldn’t bring your f****** kids.

Our first match is a drowning match so here is Otto Von Clutch as our special lifeguard.

Stoner Brothers vs. The Caution

That would be Rick Scott/Scott Rick (I said that right) Stoner (I think you get the idea) vs. Anton Vorhees/Dark Sheik. The Brothers come out to a song called Stonerized and are both smoking in and out of the ring. Since the referee is a lifeguard, we’ll start with a whistle instead of a bell. The Caution is knocked down to start and Vorhees is tossed into a powerbomb. They head outside to keep up the beating but it’s too early for the drowning (in one of the water filled buckets).

Anton gets some water in his mouth to spit in the Brothers’ eyes (Brody: “Do you know how badly water in the eyes burns? Shut up.”) and uses Scott as a launchpad for a hurricanrana to Rick. The drowning attempt is blocked but so is Rick’s double chokeslam attempt. Scott gets his brother’s head out of the water, allowing Rick to toss Sheik back into the ring but she sticks the landing and kicks Rick in the head.

Sheik gets powerbombed over the top into a German suplex as Brody insists on safety third. Back up and Sheik hits a top rope stomp onto Scott, setting up a Codebreaker to Rick. Multiple elbow drops keep the Brothers down but Scott is up with a double clothesline to the back of the head. Anton fights out of the water bucket and the Brothers hit each other by mistake.

Hold on though as he has an idea: a trip to the back lets him come back with a blue tunic and Link hat, which lets him breathe underwater (if you’re not a Zelda fan, ignore this). After the Zora splash, Anton has to save Sheik from being drowned, allowing her to hit a low blow. Scott is drowned for the win at 11:12.

Rating: C+. The stoner stuff isn’t for me, but the Zelda references had me cracking up more than once. If nothing else, this gives me an idea of what to expect from the show and I’m looking forward to it a lot more, so well done on the opener. The blue tunic was the icing on the cake and I had a great time with this, as ridiculous as it was.

Post match, Rick gives Scott the Heimlich to bring him back to life, with even Brody not being sure about that.

Brody gives the fans the code word in case the cops show up.

Best Athlete In The East Bay Title: Sweet Boone vs. Matt Carlos

Boone is defending (the golden fanny pack) and this is an I Quit match. Brody doesn’t seem to get Carlos, who waves his arms and head around a lot. On the other hand, he does get Boone dog Little BJ, who happens to be invisible. Boone is also the sheriff so he deputizes some fans. Carlos drives him into the ropes to start but gets hit in the face for his efforts.

Thankfully the referee remembers that grabbing the rope means nothing, with Brody talking about how there are no pinfalls or countouts, before realizing that they never have countouts around here. Boone pulls him down into a pretty bad looking ankle lock, which is countered into a headlock with some right hands to the face. A crucifix doesn’t get Boone anywhere so he switches to something like a reverse Koji Clutch. Boone switches to a half nelson, which is pretty easily reversed into a Crossface.

Boone says Booners Never Quit so he slips out and grabs the bad (I think we might have an intentional pattern here) ankle lock again. Back up and they go to the apron, with the fans shoving Boone back up from falling into the crowd. Boone switches places with him and dropkicks Carlos tot he floor, where there is no catch. A flip dive from the apron (complete with finger guns) drops Carlos again (Brody: “And f*** the fans, not of them can’t see.”). Carlos is back up with a DDT onto the apron and steps on Boone’s head for another NO.

Brody laughs at a fan for trying a CARLOS chant as Carlos goes to get something. This time it’s lighter fluid but Boone takes it away….and pours it on himself. Carlos is a bit freaked out but gets more annoyed when the referee gets knocked down. With Boone knocked down again, Carlos heads backstage and comes back with….a knife. They fight over said knife, but it eventually gets knocked to the floor.

The referee is FINALLY helped up and here is a former champion (Richard Schhhary. Get it?), whose arm is bandaged (after Little BJ bit him). Therefore, Schhhary steals Little BJ and puts him in a bag, which he then covers in lighter fluid. Brody: “YOU CAN’T! YOU WON’T! YOU WOULDN’T!” Boone begs him not to do it but since he can’t go through the ropes for the save, Carlos grabs a Crossface and Boone quits at 18:48 so he can save the dog.

Rating: C. This went WAY too long and it killed what momentum they had. You knew the dog was going to be involved in the finish in some way and they telegraphed the heck out of it. Granted on a show like this, teasing the invisible dog being lit on fire is something that fits perfectly. Boone and Carlos didn’t do much for me and the match needed to be shorter, but it could have been worse.

Schhhary steals the dog anyway and Carlos celebrates for a LONG time. Boone isn’t done though, and wants Schhhary in a beard vs. mustache match in two weeks.

Golden Gig Title: El Chupacabra vs. Joey Nuggs

Chupacabra is defending (with the title represented by a golden razor blade necklace), I believe the top title in the promotion. The referee, named Wiggles, gets a special entrance as well. Nuggs is a rather large karate guy, who doesn’t look like he does much karate. Chupacabra has a long entrance but hold on as here is Da Squaaad (that’s how it’s spelled).

They want to make this a bit bigger, so let’s make it a Dog Collar match. After a long time spent setting up the collar, Chupacabra chops away to start but gets powered into the corner without much effort. A knee to the ribs cuts Chupacabra down and it’s already time to choke on the ropes. Chupacabra slugs away but gets dropped with an elbow (or COMBO BREAKER according to Brody) as a fight breaks out in the crowd.

Nuggs takes him outside for a slam on the floor but Chupacabra is right back in to slug away. Some Cannonballs in the corner crush Nuggs and Chupacabra goes up, only to get pulled down by the collar. Chupacabra is able to send him back out to the apron but gets knocked down hard.

Nuggs goes up (with Brody telling the fans not to touch him) and misses a splash 9with the camera cutting away on the lack of impact for some reason. The referee starts the count, with Brody telling fans to shout random number to confuse him. Chupacabra is back up with Sliced Bread for two so he chokes Nuggs with the collar for the pin at 12:12.

Rating: C-. Much like the previous match, this one went on too long and it overstayed its welcome. The collar stuff was used, but they could have had a similar match without the gimmick in place. I’m not sure if this feels like a top level title match, but then again I don’t think this is your normal promotion. Neither guy looked particularly impressive though, and that hurt things a good bit.

Post match Nuggs, with his throat all messed up, yells at Brody and the fans for daring to try to talk to him after he got choked out. A lot of swearing ensues, with even Brody thinking it’s a bit much.

The referee comes out for the next match and apparently has to dance whenever Brody sings James Brown.

Intergalactic Tag Team Titles: Drugz Bunny/Cereal Man vs. Da Squaaad

Bunny/Man are defending (the titles have skulls in the middle) and the Squaaad is Hip Hop Harry/D-Rogue/Kenny K/Shakira Spears. Cereal is about five cereal mascots mixed together, and comes out to a song about holding out for a hero with several cereal properties. Bunny on the other hand is The Rabbit With A Habit and pours out some white powder before the match.

Hold on though, as the Squaaad says that since this is their show (I guess?), we’re doing this 4-2. The champs start fast and hit Harry with a double flapjack, followed by a DDT from Cereal. A legdrop hits Harry so the rest of the Squaaad comes in for the save. Brody: “All these f****** gimmicks.” Kenny comes in with a backbreaker to Bunny and it’s D-Rogue coming in to run him over again. Harry adds a springboard back elbow and Shakira comes in for some stomping.

A backdrop finally gets Bunny out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Cereal to clean house. Cereal hits a sidewalk slam on Harry and bulldogs Kenny onto him as everything breaks down. Bunny bicycle kicks Kenny down and Cereal Stuns Harry for…..not the pin as the Squaaad says not so fast. See, D-Rogue forgot: it’s elimination rules (for Da Squaaad, not for the champs). Kenny stands on Cereal’s back and then drops down on him with a splash for two. A running knee in the corner sets up a Cannonball for two more on Cereal as frustration is setting in.

Cereal gets up a boot in the corner though and it’s a butterfly suplex to give him a breather. The double tag brings in Bunny and Spears, the latter of whom gets kicked down. D-Rogue comes in for the save and slams Bunny, setting up a moonsault from Kenny (which lands on Bunny’s head) for two, with Cereal making the save. A Hart Attack gets rid of Spears though and we’re down to 2-2. We get the big staredown and Bunny gives Kenny an RKO. Cereal is taken down though and the Big Rig hits Bunny for the pin and the titles at 14:05.

Rating: B-. This is the same idea you have seen time after time and that is not a bad idea. It has been done for years because it is something that works so well. This is a case of screwing the fans over and it worked well, because it is a classic concept. Fans are not going to like cheaters and that is what happened here, especially after they lost in the first place. Good stuff here, even with the joke from the champs losing its spark pretty fast.

Oh and one more thing: Hip Hop Harry only has one leg. Not too shabby.

Post match Brody is a big scared of the Squaaad but does give a bit of serious analysis to what we just saw.

With Da Squaaad gone, Brody thanks the ban and gets a big barrel and beach ball for some beer pong with the fans. Some fans shoot from the crowd and get a beer if they hit. Nice way to fill in some time as the band plays. Brody has some beer of his own and suggests that he’ll have more later.

Since the main event is big, he brings out Wonder Dave as his guest commentator.

Rumble Of Rankings Ramifications

This is a Royal Rumble with 30(ish, Brody’s term) entities involved and the winner getting a Golden Gig shot next month. Glorious Banana a man in a banana suit who comes out to Robert Roode’s old theme, is in at #1 and Funnybone, a guy in skeleton paint, is in at #2 and we have 90 second intervals. They forearm it out and trade shoulders with Funnybone getting the better of things. Otto Von Clutch is in at #3 and gets in a staredown with Funnybone. That’s fine with Funnybone, who knocks him down but Banana is back up for some double teaming in the corner.

Batmanuel (I think you get the idea) is in at #4 and gets in a staredown with Von Clutch, whose offer of an alliance isn’t accepted. A running shoulder in the corner has Von Clutch in trouble and it’s Marcelo Montoya in at #5 (with the fans providing the buzzer sounds) for a springboard knee to Batmanuel. The fans chant SAFETY THIRD as everyone brawls until D-Rogue is in at #6.

Batmanuel was put out somewhere in there and Joey Smoak is in at #7. Brody: “I just heard a fan say don’t bruise the banana. That joke was a lot of things but one thing it wasn’t was appealing.” Smoak is sent to the apron but not out and it’s James C (thankfully not a Jim Cornette parody) in at #8. The smoking James comes in and offers fans his cigarette until it’s Johnny Drinko Butabi is in at #9 as the ring is getting way too full.

Smoak is on the floor, though it isn’t clear if he is out, even as Funnybone chops at a bunch of people. Batmanuel is back in and it’s Juice Lee at in #10 as Banana is out. Von Clutch is out as well as the ring is a bit less full. Brittany Wonder (no word on if she is any relation to Wonder Dave, or Wonder Boy, the latter of whom has nothing to do with wrestling) is in at #11 and gets to clean house, including a spinning DDT to James C.

Big B is in at #12 and Batmanuel is kicked out for an elimination. The fans are VERY happy with that, though not so enthusiastic when they find out Montoya was eliminated off camera. Neil “The Thrill” Harper is in at #13 and everything settles back down. Otis The Gimp is in at #14 as this match is starting to die a bit. After another batch of nothing, Christopher Torres is in at #15.

HBKen (and yes he has his own version of Shawn Michaels’ theme) is in at #16 and yes, he is based on the Ken from Street Fighter. Commentary thinks someone might have been eliminated but isn’t sure who so we’ll move on to Brutal Bob Hands in at #17. Hands, who is rather small, hits a chokeslam and then tosses Torres. Brittany is left laying on the mat and it’s Master Eriks (a ringmaster) in at #18.

Harper is tossed as there must have been some eliminations off camera as the ring is nowhere near full enough. Hands and James are tossed and it’s Matt Carlos in at #19. Funnybone is still in and hits a bid give onto a bunch of people. Then he does it again for a bonus but makes sure to go through the ropes. Then he grabs Banana, who is still at ringside with a bunch of other people, as Lee is knocked off the top and into a moonsault onto the pile on the floor. That’s not an elimination as he went through the ropes, even as it’s Hip Hop Harry in at #20.

Eriks is out and it’s Kenny K in at #21 to keep Da Squaaad strong. Bison Braddock is in at #22 and commentary makes a correction by saying that Lee WAS eliminated earlier. Brody says Braddock is #21 and I can’t imagine it matters that much. Shakira Spears is in at #23 to complete Da Squaaad as you can tell the people in the ring are getting a bit tired. Richard Schhhary is in at #24 and starts in with some paper cuts to be a real….never mind.

Drugs Bunny is in at #25 and maybe he can get things hopping. Big B is out and commentary ignores it as Bart-Man is in at #26. Simpsons jokes about as Bart-Man chokes Carlos and it’s Sweet Boone in at #27. He goes straight after Schhhary and gets rid of him, only to give chance and eliminate himself. Steven Tresario is in at #28 and Otis likes Shakira chopping him. Things slow down again….and it’s Team Rocket (Jesse and James, complete with Pokemon speech and costumes) in at #29/30.

As the Pokemon jokes abound, Thicc Martel, the Plus Sized Model (I laughed) is in at #31 to complete the field (I think?). Tersario is out and it’s….Broseph Joe Brody in at #32. He jumps over the top rope and is thrown out by James, sending him into a great rant. Team Rocket tossed out Martel and there’s a 3D to Carlos. Spears eliminates Drinko but and there goes Carlos with him.

There goes Bart-Man but Spears spears Team Rocket down. Bunny tosses Spears though and we’re down to Bunny, Jesse, James and Funnybone. A low blow isn’t enough to get rid of Bunny as he skins the cat back in, only to have James stomp him in the face. James actually tosses Bunny but it’s Funnybone up with a double noggin knocker. A double clothesline finally gets rid of Funnybone though and Team Rocket shares the win at 53:03.

Rating: D. I love a good Royal Rumble but that was not the case here. This went on WAY too long and the lack of acknowledging a bunch of the eliminations didn’t help. There were a few jokes that worked (Thicc Martel was hilarious) and Brody’s rant after being eliminated was great, but this went far too long and the jokes weren’t frequent enough to keep my interest. Cut the intervals down to a minute (at most) and it’s better, but for a show that is supposed to be a lot of fun, I was badly tuning out by the end out of pure boredom.

Brody thanks us for coming out and hits the catchphrase one more time to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a weird one, as the concept is a lot of fun and there were some genuine laugh/cheer out loud moments on this show. The Zelda stuff and Thicc Martel were good gags and the Steinerized parody was downright inspired. It is a feeling that works really well, though then you get to the problem: this show is three hours and twenty minutes long.

Now I can get that this would be very different as it’s a party atmosphere (and the booze/various substances probably helped) and way more fun in person, but my goodness this show needed to be about 30 (or more) minutes shorter. That main event was pretty close to horrible and I was begging for the thing to end. At some point the thing needs to wrap up and this show didn’t seem to get that at times. There is a lot of fun to be had, but this needed to be about two and a half hours max, not pushing three and a half.

One more thing: if this is something that you might want to check out (and it is REALLY fun at times), note that it is absolutely an adult show with a lot of language and crude jokes. It’s definitely something you need to be in the right company for, as hearing/seeing some of this out of context/by someone you might not want seeing it could be quite the problem.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.